#since ive never needed one before
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on the precipice of something very dangeous
#looking at mechanical keyboards#a friend of mine upgraded their pc setup and got a new one an theyre going to give me their old one#basically would just need to get a ssd and a monitor and a keyboard#i currently have a very janky laptop (i've always just used laptops)#but now the temptation is there#to buy a nice TM keyboard#since ive never needed one before#looking at slim profile mechanical keyboards like the logitech mx mechanical and the keychron k5#te talks
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happy birthday to the cat lover ever of all time... my worstie matoba seiji 🐈⬛🐈
#natsume yuujinchou#hexfest2k24#matoba seiji#natomato#natori shuuichi#natsume's book of friends#matonato#its been 4000000 years since i did anything for a fan event but i need to pay my natomato taxes .#theyve been living rent free in my brain since i reread natsuyuu last last year..? i forget. they just make me crazy#this is also my offering for natori's bday because although he is one of my favorite characters ever of all time#i fear i do not have the time to drop several hours on another full illust........#so i hope my favoritism is clear in how lovingly i have drawn him instead <3#i wanted to do a season theme bc i have a shitty summer joke to post maybe tomorrow but idk if i can cook up stuff for the other two seasons#in time.... its okay... this is enough for my taxes considering ive never drawn them properly before#my bestie who loves matoba is always genuinely so sad abt how his love for cats is unrequited but personally its one of my favorite things#get humbled idiot...(with love) (with affection) (i say as i retweet every single art of him on twt for his bday this year)#haha matoba has zero cats but i have two at home!!!!!!!!!#im sooo excited for next week's volume release i am so so normal. im normal
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drawing my ocs cause i missed them
#my art#my ocs#lidkaer#described in alt text#my babiiiieess. cut mayu's hair so she can bishi like never before and also because she basically had the same haircut as nightshade#and it bothered mee. i think the reason why ive been unhappy with how i draw faces for a year is because ive been drawing the same 3 ones#over and over and over again a bit too many times. so i wanted to draw them see if that'll help and it did!!#i just needed to draw different people sdjfksfg. this is my third time trying this meme but first i actually finish it. since they're all#trans and autistic (execpt shadi) i always struggled which who should be who but heh. not that important
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i miss you.
#station 19#station19edit#maya x carina#maya bishop#carina deluca#station 19 spoilers#what kills me is maya doesnt even have a proper support network#she has no one in her corner except carina (whos rightfully distancing rn)#shes basically dealing w all of this alone (clearly too proud to ask for help also)#and carinas not wrong......maya wants to 'get back on track' for sure#whether it's her career or her marriage she doesnt want to derail either#shes doing these thing bc theyre boxes to tick on this 'path to get better'#i really hope they explore this further bc she needs to actually want this for herself#and thats the cognitive shift of believing in inherent self worth vs associating it with accomplishments#sigh but idk if they'll explore this angle or just have them back together in 2 eps#i want maya to love herself first before she offers that role to anyone else#also it's been awhile since ive gifed lighting this bad lmao#takes me back to lost girl days (it will never be as bad as lost girl days)
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My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things
#im sorry i cant be her (my searching lines)#i cant stop thinking about this drawing i have a sinking feeling that im gonna be very unhappy when its done#or. not unhappy. but not as excited as i feel about it now!#i only worked in two short chunks on it but both were pretty productive#i have a feeling that when i take the time to really dedicate myself to it im gonna fuck something up#like i can see areas i need to/can improve already but the glaring flaws are ok! bc it's not finished!#it OVERALL looks cool and LOOKS like it has the potential to turn out well#but will it... WILL IT??? WILL IT EVER?#i have never been so totally completely satisfied w any finished drawing ive dedicated myself to fully.#tales from diana#this is also only the second time ive done a really deliberate self-portrait that wasnt in some for or another. practice#like of course ive drawn my face before. not that often actually. but since yes i do draw. i have drawn myself#i probably should've drawn myself more times for how often i think id like a nice picture of myself#but then again its not gonna be so 'nice' if i make it and am not totally happy w it?#see one of the ppl who inspired me to learn to draw is ned @sneez my dearest. he's spoiled me before#and drawn me very beautifully on several occasions and it's very much a thing to move one's heart#to see someone dedicate their talent to depicting YOU.#and i might say HE has made me look more beautiful in art than i think i'll ever look in the flesh#which is not to say he drew me inaccurately. but he's so talented that his art is more beautiful than life.#and i dont compare myself in skill to him bc he's been doing it for YEARS and way more trained than me in the visual arts.#like it simply wouldn't be fair so i only compare myself to myself. naturally#but i used to think. very VAINLY i might say. that if i could draw like him id draw beautiful pictures of myself all the time#well ce n'est pas ca mon ami. since learning to draw i've found im much more interested in drawing ppl i find beautiful#rather than myself. im not art. not through my own eyes at least.#i should really draw ned sometime. i really should.#actually somewhat embarrasingly i tried to draw him like 5 or 6 years ago. and i NEVER tried to draw then#i did show him tho and he thought it was very impressive but that's probably just bc he loves me. xoxox#maybe ill post that someday as a throwback just for the hell of it. lol. thatd be cute
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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how do you people study through extreme exhaustion? bc thats what always gets me during the exams & i cannot keep doing this forever
#the first time i had exams i kept going through pure desperation#bc i cared a lot more back then#but now i just dont see studying as important enough for that to work#redoing a year wont be fun but i know people the year below me & it wouldnt be bad either#anyways to pass this next exam i probably wont get any sleep#or maybe 2 hours#which i know is bad but since its only 2 exams this time im less worried about sleep & more about just getting through#so i need to know how to keep myself going#i have no available caffeine :( otherwise thatd be my first idea#but idk ive tried so many things#turning on the big light#movement breaks#short naps#sleeping a few hours & just getting up really early#music - which does help a lot but its not enough#mine#please no one ever taught me any of this i just keep guessing & hoping i get it right#like at school they do 'teach you to study' but really its just a few tips#mostly to take care of yourself & not pull all nighters#like okay. but what if i have to otherwise i will not pass? how do i manage that?#i never had to study before high school#& that combined with my horrible mental state at the time meant my grades went from really good to horrible#and yet somehow passing#but idk i dont want to be hanging on by a thread and just one mistake away from failing anymore#thats not fun#i think it was kinda good for me since i made peace with maybe failing & dont really care about that anymore? like if i fail thats okay too#but yeah anyway#im rambling so i dont have to start studying
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OH WAIT I FORGOT TO POST THIS!
I title this: Smoking is cool and all 7 year olds should try it.
My DND OC Violet (shadow monk/rogue) in a baseball pinup sort of vibe, I'm obsessed with her. Heavily inspired by my time in the TF2 fandom and a certain type of scout art.
Violet hits things with a stick until they die too, so it kinda fits lmao. I may do more inspired by other TF2 classes? We will see.
ID in alt text
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#ocs#tf2#illustration#feel free to reblog :)#listen. we dont need to talk about how i never considered baseball sexy poses until i indulged in scout art.#i am a product of my hyperfixations there is no denying that#also you can tell by how i draw Violet that i am an ass man. its hard to have your art tell you that#VERY proud of how the smoke came out; ive never rendered smoke before but it look great IMO#also if it wasn't extremely clear; the phalic imagery was very intentional. she got that metaphorical big dick#i think this is the first time ive drawn her in 'modern' clothes. very funny#ALSO i tried a new trick to make the color more harmonious and i like it. everything is tinged a little blue and it makes everything meld#also; what is she sitting on? fuck you; a nondescript cube#one last thing: ive given up posting to my old art blog; im just gonna post stuff hefe since i draw so infrequently#and reblog to my OC blog when applicable#kay bye like and reblog pls *kisses*
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New Employee aquired today
My manager: Hey Grace maybe you can show NE some things, but don't overwhelm her
Me:
Me: so like. make sure it's not a repeat of my first day???
#like maam ive worked here for barely a month you know this#and my first ever shift was 8 hours and CLOSING#i did a lil bit of everything my first day why do you think im so adaptable to what you need now???#anyways i had NE help shred chicken cause we needed more and then i couldnt even use it bc we were out of the salad kit 🙃#today twas a long day#i was supposed to do subs but literally worked on salads all day cause we were so short staffed#a coworker who YESTERDAY asked for a shift today never showed up. our manager had to open and was barely through salads when i got there#(3 hours after open)#me and manager tackled customer service and did as many tasks as we could (specifically distress and make salads)#(i learned how to do temps)#morning cook stayed late WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK to bring back some stuff we needed#closing cook got sick and left when me and NE did leaving i assume 2 store managers (maybe just 1) and one coworker to close#we so short staffed they had a job fair JUST FOR OUR DEPARTMENT.#anywho#ive also been up technically since 1-2am. i got extra 1 hour between then and 5:30am before i had to get up. i went to bed at 9pm#so. ive been tired all day but since i dont have work tomorrow im gonna stay up late and chill#amber's shit you can ignore
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new pfp hunt already to a TERRIBLE start why is he holding her like that :((((
#ive never noticed this painting before😭 oh man. oh man :(#her having her back to him being so symbolic to their fraught and fake relationship#while she holds norman and emma and ignores him entirely#not even covering one of his little hands with her own like is common for hugs fron behind :(#and the fact that he wouldn't particularly Need to do this since she Isnt initiating yk#so he just wants his moms comfort :(#oh man :(((#ash is mentally ill#rays mommy issues#ray#tpn#isabella#tpn official art#tpn artbook
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No context but like... I love Magnolia very much. I had remade her character while reading Frieren and it shows a bit... but... I think the chapter draft I wrote about her changed my life
#ragna ramblings#who needs therapy when your oc has the same trauma as you and you have another OC give them the solution to the problem!!? (<- me)#she isbalso one of the guild members ive had since before oos who never really had a role.... so glad she grew up#2am posting
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 years😭😭😭😭 thats why i dont want it to take any longer 😭😭😭😭 im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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bellum probably wouldnt know how to kiss
#salty talks#uh.#bellum#realizing this now. tbh this applies to post ph too hes gotta figure that out#he knows of the concept but hes never done it before#in post ph i could see damien teaching him (bc hes the more physical between him and linebeck and linebeck isnt necessarily in a good#headspace for like. most of post ph actually) (tbh linebecks mental state during post ph is something ill need to figure out like ive got#that hes generally a bit more unstable and emotional since hes kinda working through stuff and trying to get better but the nitty gritty is#up to debate still)#look im also trying to figure out stuff for damien to do in this post ph polycule thing. i need to give him a niche beyond Chill Guy#best i got is that hes actually the one linebeck can do b/d/s/m with. bellum doesnt get it and they dont trust him enough#not testing this site dont bother me abt how i spell certain things im not fucking with this#shipfic theyre just dicking around its more lighthearted linebeck isnt processing years of trauma#i mean most of that shit is there but his brother stays alive and hes not chucked into some parallel world at some point#so the later stuff is absent. also hes like five years older for the shipfic. whatever#bellum is familiar with a lot of human physical touch stuff he does watch and interact with them#kissing is just like. yknow. a bit more of a complicated sorr of thing esp since hes never really cared
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i met up w my mom at the mall a couple days ago and we ran into a work colleague of hers and they met up yesterday and just now she’s telling me abt how both her and her friend’s husband thought i was a model and not my mom’s scientist daughter JDKSJDK
#they had a whole conversation about judging people by their looks bc she was like ‘see i would have never thought a girl like that would be#a doctor of science and that is so wrong on my part i need to stop judging people like that’ and it was so nice to hear actually#to be fair since ive been going gym so regularly i do look a lot more model-fit than i used to and even before that ppl thought i was one#it’s just the being tall & skinny premise i guess but i loved the character development i made this woman and her husband go through#pretty girls can be smart too who would’ve thought!!
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getting rejected from a student-run organization is wild like yeah we're just here to have fun! but not you we don't want you
#apparently they were just worried i'd flake since i have a lot going on this semester#but um. isnt that up to me?#sorry i didnt know your club was like. a professional commitment#it was a dance group so like i understand the need to have everyone there for performance#but like :/#idk its my last semester ever at college its not like i have another chance to be part of the group#im just frustrated#ive wanted to be in this group for years and this is the only time ive auditioned#and they want to reject me because they think i'll drop in when ive never given that indication and if i were to drop a group it would be#a group ive been in before not one thats brand new#ughhhhhhh#cloudy rambles
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ive been wondering why ive been coughing and feeling shitty the past several days and worried I was sick. but I think it was my partner's laptop battery swelling and possibly releasing toxic gases or smth bc once we took it to be disposed of we both started feeling a lot better 💀
#genuinely freaked out when she pointed it out#bc it was sooo bad looking#popped a lot of the chasis lol#ive never had this happen before and like this is my old laptop so its kinda crazy lol#it works without the battery luckily just being plugged in#ordered myself a new laptop anyways since mine has been having a lot of issues and I need smth beefier for 3d stuff#which ive been wanting to get into more#and ill use my current one for school next year after I send it in with the warranty its still under#the person who fixed my laptops keyboard broke a lot of other minor things#like it cant connect to wifi without an adapter and the mousepad doesn't work#and it freezes a lot#ive put up with it bc i cant afford to wait while its shipped out for repair bc of my job#but if i have a new laptop I can wait the month or however long it'll take to get it fixed properly#and maybe if it comes down to it I can just sell it after its fixed#i spend 80% of most waking days on my laptop so I think its a justifiable expense
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