#a doctor of science and that is so wrong on my part i need to stop judging people like that’ and it was so nice to hear actually | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reasaph · 1 month

Text

"I don't believe in God, but I believe that your my savior."

Soshiro Hoshina x Suicidal Fem Reader!

Summary: (name) a person with no beliefs, no reason and will to live gets hospitalized after another attempt. There, she meets hoshina soshiro and she's been looking forward to waking another morning since.

TW:mention of death, reader got hospitalized for attempting, mention of bedrotting.

Title is from the song "sailor song" by Gigi Perez!

Part 2!

You and Soshiro talked for hours, the cans of the coffee he's got you both long forgotten and moist. To say they were the most comfortable hours of your life wouldn't be an exaggeration. Your sure hes got you hooked. Humbly, you ask anyone; be it fate or any god. You wish, you beg, you 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘺 to whoever in charge to extend the hours with him. One minute more to bask in his presence, thats it. You've never desired something so much that you decided to pray. That was something you never thought you'd do. You didnt dwell your whole personality on just a mere belief. But he's got you on your knees, hands claspped with eyes screwed shut, asking for another more minute.

"So so, what d'ya do you think the doctors here do on their free time?" A silly and deranged question. From the short time you'd spend with him, not even a day Long, you had keeped count of those incoherent questions of his. You dont know if he was doing it On purpose, but those questions are the ones That sat you here on this bench fo hours.

"well, This is a tiring job. So they'd probably want as much rest, right?"

"Probably, Your right. I like to think they gossip about patients."

"Thats completely unprofessional."

He laughs. You laugh to, and you dont evem realize it. The vibrating echo of Your laughter didnt sound forced this time, it didn't need to be ripped and snatched out of your throat. It was sincere, you could say it would only be with him. This is new, clutching your stomach in futile attempt to control the laughs that keep escaping, incredibly new. You dont even know what your laughing at anymore, you just are. Hoshina had stopped making noise the moment you did. It was his first time hearing someone laugh like that, so raw and free. He could tell your unfamiliar with the sound of your own happiness, it wasnt rocket science. He feels like he'd just unveiled an artifact, so precious even when kept and hidden for centuries. It would mean the world to him if he could keep making you laugh like this. He didn't say anything, he'd be so guilty if he interupped you at your highest.

But all good things must come to an end. You know that the most. Your familliar with the bitterness that comes after everything worth hanging on to. It all seemed to short, even now. The moment Hoshina checked the time, you knew what was coming next, you could smell it a mile away. Yet you still hopped you were wrong, you dont want this conversation to end just yet. You dont want to face everything head on again. That face he made told everything, it screamed 'i have to go' and it wrathed over your chest. You dont want him to go, you dont want to leave the comfortable atmosphere with him. And above all, you dont wanna feel like an empty walking corpse once more. Hoshina turned to face you, a mourning look adorned his features. That was a new expression of his you've witnessed, you've only seen him giddy and silly until now. Now, he looks upset. You know your time with him is over for today.

"Hey, (name), really sorry but I hafta go now. That smug of a doc said I have prescriptions to take." Thats odd, why is he apologizing? Could he perhaps feel the same agony as you? You believe its impossible, but not because you think he doesn't care. Because he cant possibly match the ache in your chest. He cant, for its to much to even put into words. He hasn't even moved from his seat yet you already long to be in his presence again. Hoshina is sad, yes, but you are 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥.

"Its fine, I really uh— enjoyed talking to you."

"Hey now, dont say it like we wont see each other again. Yer still treating me tomorrow, dont forget about that now. "

"Right."

You guys parted ways after waving goodbye and mumbling 'see you'. The walk back to your hospital room, you felt even more empty and hollow each step your feeble legs took you. Because each step signicates a meter added to the distance between you and him. You dont know where Hoshina is right now, you cant pinpoint his exact location in this big of a hospital and If you could strap a beacon on him, you would. Your chest boils once again, you could feel your lungs close to giving in. It was hell all over again, yet this time, the pain your experiencing is caused by longing. Not because of something so unpleasant, but because of something beautiful. Beautiful, despite being so painful. You pass by many people on the way back, patient and worker alike. You wished you'd pass by a man with a purple bowlcut instead.

You arrived to your own quarters and just collapsit, headfirst on the hospital bed, burrying rour face onto the pillow. It smelled alcholic, to much chemicals used to cleanse it. You inhaled a breath full despite it, the smell left a blazing path in your nostrils, on their way to Polute your lungs. You laid back up right, now met with the pristine material of the crystal white ceiling. Why does every hospital have to be white? Its always so blinding. Not to mention your now having a staring contest with the very source of light in the room, that antagonizing light bulb. It'll turn off automatically at a certain time, but you want it to close now. The darkness was always your comfort, there you were able to lay yourself bare without anyone having to see you.

Your mind wanders back to Hoshina, it seems he put a leash on you as to why you keep thinking about him for more than a normal amount for just a day. You dont wanna be where you cant see him, you wanna hear his sickenly joyous voice and his flashing smile that outshines even the farthest of stars, you wanna talk nonsense with him again, his nonsense never failed to Lift the corners of your mouth to a smile. And you will, tomorrow.

Tomorrow, 8 am. Thats the time you've both agreed upon. Usually, you wouldn't get up until late in the afternoon, just rotting on your bed, the walls would always cave in and the atmosphere was suffocating. You never got up. There was no good reason to, you almost convinced yourself to throw all common sense and self hygiene out the window and just get buried rotting on your bed. Because every time you'd get up, it feels like every misfortune of the whole globe are dumped on your shoulders. It weighs you down, it weighs you back on that sickenly sweet mattress and there you stay there until the next blue moon.

But now, you want to drift to sleep faster and when you wake, your ready to meet Hoshina again. Your so eager to see him, it cant be controlled. His face is the only thing you'd never get tired of. You think its hilarious, you've only met him but you were sure he could mean more. This isn't just some high school crush, your confident about your feelings towards him for you've never felt something this intense your whole uears of living. Not even your longing of death can overrun this feeling. You sew your eyes tight, seeing only pitch black, all this so you could finally sleep and who knows? Maybe even see him in the phantasms of your unconscious state of mind. Thats how low you've stooped. You'll sleep so you can see him faster, you dont like waiting long.

Eventually, you do fall asleep. But not Hoshina. Yes, he's still awake, in his own room, fresh bandages wrapped around his injuries he got from fighting. And yes, if your wondering, hes thinking about you to. He yearns to be in your presence as well, almost as much as you. He doesn't know why. He talks with everyone like that, but he's enjoyed his time with you exceedengly more. Hoshina has been put aside his whole life, all because of his talent and preference for blades over guns. Just because of one measly difference, he was treated differently and looked down upon. But with you, he felt cherished. Its a first for Hoshina to not get judged by first meeting. He doesn't have to train hard or change anything to impress you, it'll come naturally. Hoshina turns around on the matress, facing the window so the ripe rays of the moonlight slapped on his face in result. 'I wants to see her again' was the last thing he talked about before falling asleep.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Its 6 in the morning and your half awake. You woke up to early, just how excited are you? But its not a good thing that theres still alot of time before the agreed upon time. You just know that the next 2 hours will double tenfold when waiting to see Hoshina again. Your not a morning person, not at all. Your regular routine is not for the faint of heart. If some woke up at 6am, you'd be turning off Your phone and tucking yourself to bed. So your shocked by your eagerness to see him, to the point where you'll try to get better. Your convinced Hoshina has hit you with a pan, because your aacting absolutelyInsane.

You brush your teeth and hair, and thoroughly clean your bruises as to the doctors said. You wonder when you gonna get discharged but thats for later, dear reader. You dread the fact that you have to wear that awful hospital gown again, but alas, it is required. You try to look as presentable as you can. You usually wouldnt bother putting effort in your physical appearance, but you figured it would be nice for once. You were sat on a chair, waiting impatiently like a child waiting for they're treat. You were milimeters close to just turning the Whole building upside down just so you can see Hoshina.

So imagine how excited you were when the clock had acutely hit the digit 8. The minute it did, you were busting out of the room, with your injured leg by the way. The pain had seemingly went away and healed, or it was Just overpowered by your giddyness that your nerves didn't have the space to make up for physical pain. So here you were, dragging yourself across these hallways once again. You passed by that same old lady on a wheel chair that you did yesterday. She gave you a judging face back then, which a wasn't such rare occurrence, you were used to having such glares dumped upon the entirety of your shameful being. But now you wondered if she found any difference, between the walking dead body you were yesterday and the eestatic, hungry, affection driven limp you are now.

Whilst you were rushing like you were catching up to a work deadline, he was enjoying his walk through these glossy, hauntingly white hallways. Taking each step according to the comfort of his legs, hands crossed on the broadness of his chest as he struts the hallway. Soshiro Hoshina has always been scary great at maintaining his composure. Those under his wing back at the third division are well aware of it, they have front row seats to how he switches from acting all goofy to having a stoic face in a matter of miliseconds, they even kidded around about how his control over his expressions is the work of witchcraft. However, don't be fooled by his calm demeanor, he's excited to see you as well. But as Vice-captain, it wouldn't be very ideal to him if he just jogged as fast as he can in patient filled hhallway. Hoshina disciplined himself to the bone, he wont let up now.

After what seemed like an eternity of turning corners and navigating his way through these hallways, Hoshina finally sees sight of the cafeteria. He steps in, and the homogenous smell of the food slaps him in the face. If he was weird enough to concentrate and differentiate the aroma, he probably can guess whats on the menu for today. Hoshina wastes no time in trying to find your presence, your presence in which he couldn't get enough of yesterday. His head startes whipping around, turning left to right, right to left in search of a peek of your appearance. He was baffled to say the least, shocked at the population of the people present here this morning. He wants to see you, asap. He started walking to those with even with the slightest resemblance of what your physical appearance looks like, in hopes that it would be you. He saw someone with the same hair color as yours, kinda fooled him there for a brief second. He just kept circling around the vastful room, so distracted in finding you. He doesn't wanna merely sit down and wait, conclude that your not here yet and he should just sit tight. Scarlet eyes scanned the whole cafeteria, but eyes always had blindspots where they provided no visuals, thats why he didn't notice your presence coming up from his south.

You tapped his shoulder from behind.

He doesn't think hes ever whipped his head back that fast his whole life. Hoshina turned his head so urgently he swears he heard a subtle pop in his neck. Upon seeing the sight of your face, he was 'joyous', actually thats underwhelming what Hoshina was feeling at the moment, he was euphoric. His skin feels like its being roasted and his lungs are short of gas. He feels weird, he doesn't know what to do or what to say so hoshina just stood there agape. You didn't move a muscle either, mouth zipped shut with no intention of letting put any sort of noise in fear that he'd back away. You didn't dare try to make a distance, everything else caved in, nothing else mattered, just the one in front of you. He looked so right, and by that you dont mean he's handsome (although he surely is very attractive). By 'right' you mean you'd never get tired of his appearance.

Hoshina Soshiro, to you, is the finest work of art exhibited in museum of life, the most astounding creation of matter you've laid your eyes upon.

Oh shit, you like him, the Hoshina Soshiro.

#hoshina soshiro x reader #hoshina x reader #kn8 x reader #soshiro hoshina x reader #kaiju no. 8 x reader

54 notes · View notes

angelyuji · 1 year

Text

professor miguel o'hara headcanons :)

miguel o'hara x gender neutral reader

+ yandere headcanons!!!!

professor miguel o’hara would be so OFUAN:EOAFIDNWFBOWE”NJP sorry im just feral for him

professor o’hara would actually be the worst professor to get tbh like he’s a strict grader, he’s super anal about late turn-ins, all that jazz. like he’s got a shit ratemyprofessor rating… he’s the worst. he’s not the type to insult you or make you feel like shit for getting questions wrong or failing an exam HOWEVER he does say that if you fail an exam, just drop out cuz you’re not passing yeahhh he sucks lol

also he has a p.h.d in genetics and genomic sciences (totally didn’t just search up what the major is called and pasted it on here… definitely not) so he’s a huge stickler on being called doctor o’hara

however, when you mess up and say professor, he doesn’t seem to mind it all that much

professor o’hara who obviously has favorites (based on who participates more/does the best on exams)

Miguel would send students that come to him for help to students that do really well in the class (he does not care to reteach or help with essays) “you should’ve paid attention when i was explaining. im sure one of your classmates like (y/n) can help.”

motorcycle professor, office hours are always open for questions or concerns, he’s honestly chill just super strict and mean-looking

however no matter what, every single bitch has a crush on him… have you SEEEEEN him. yall know that scene in criminal minds when spencer reid is teaching a class and basically the entire class was auditing the class becuz he’s hot… yeah that except miguel o’hara is a lot meaner about chasing those people out.

yandere :0

:IBFP(I)IU*Y&^&TFRTCVGBHIK\

sorry

lemme set the scene, ur one of the smartest of your class, you’re his favorite student like ur pretty, smart, and kind to your classmate and honestly…. he was downright obsessed like mf knows ur entire class schedule, he knows ur address ur number ur email. e v e r y t h i n g

ur kindness to your classmates is gonna be ur downfall, someone (who is known to be a cheater) is gonna go to him asking for help on a project. miguel is gonna be like “lol im not helping u but yk who will? (y/n).” miguel knows that your classmate is gonna cheat, but that’s a part of the plan

they go up to you, ask to see ur project and when ur not looking, take pictures of ur research and everything. you won’t know a thing becuz ur a nice friend :)

you’ll just turn in ur stuff and chill. the next class after the due date, professor o’hara asks you to stay after class.

“(y/n), it looks like you and another classmate have almost exact project.” miguel turns his screen towards you, showing your project and your classmates

“what? dr. o’hara, i don’t know what’s going on, but i promise you, i didn’t cheat off of anyone.” you beg.

“i’m sure that we can get to the bottom of this, (y/n)…” miguel pretends to think for a second. “how about this, come to my office around 6. i think i’ll be done with classes for the day. we’ll have a chat.” he stands, rearranging his papers.

“of course. i’ll be there!” you thank him and rush out to meet your friends, holding back tears.

i mean, of course you’ll go to see your professor. you’ve been accused of plagiarism and that shit can get you expelled.

you knock on the door. “dr. o’hara?”

“come in.” you walk in, anxious to get the situation resolved. you see your professor sitting at his desk, but you don’t see your classmate.

“i thought the other person would here too…” you feel a weird sense of dread fill in your stomach.

“ms. (l/n), i don’t think we need them here for this discussion.” he motions for you to sit down at the chair. “plagiarism is a very serious offence.”

“professor, you can’t seriously believe that i copied off of them!” you’ve got the best grades in the class, you feel flabbergasted.

“ms. (l/n)!” he frowns.

you lower your head, ashamed, “i’m sorry, it’s just. they came up to me, asking for help…”

“i understand, (y/n), but do you have any physical proof of that?” you stay silent. “i can… find a way to help you, but… you’re gonna have to do something for me, (y/n).” miguel leans in and you feel that dread in your stomach worsen, but you have no other choice.

“of course, professor! anything!”

eDTRUTYGYH*(J)(_)_JIHUUGYFR^%&T*Y(UOIJL

he’s gonna take advantage of your situation. at first, it’ll be like secret dates, small (expensive) gifts at your door, then it moves up.

soon, he’s making you come to his home, making you stay overnight….

it was raining when you had went over and the rain was getting worse. his house was in the middle of a neighborhood in the woods, everything about this situation was grossing you out. “dr. o’hara, i don’t-” you, hesitantly, walk through the doors into his home.

“miguel. i’ve told you, (y/n). you should call me miguel when we’re alone.” he smiles at you and locks the door behind you.

“right… miguel, i don’t think that this is appropriate.” you look around his home. it was quaint, clean… almost like it wasn’t even lived in. you would’ve thought it was a random rental if it wasn’t for his diplomas framed on the wall.

“(y/n), do i need to remind you of our deal?” he looks at you, and for the first time since this situation started, you felt afraid. miguel disappears into the kitchen and you decide to step back closer to the front door, itching to run. “(y/n),” he pops his head out and smiles, “take a seat at the dining table.” you see fangs in his mouth and your fear grows.

dinner goes by uneventfully, but you feel uneasy as miguel chats it up with you. he had been too… nonchalant about the arrangement, but this was a new development. he wouldn’t ask you questions about yourself, but he somehow knew everything about you. it creeped you out. “if dinner is over, i should go home.” you stand, pushing back your chair.

he grabs your hand, “there’s no need to rush, (y/n)… unless,” he lets go and leans back in his chair, thinking. you freeze. “if you want to leave, i can always go to the board and tell them about your essay.” miguel shrugs and gets up.

“no! no… i’m sorry, doctor- sorry, miguel, i’m not leaving.” you sit back down.

miguel laughs, straightening, “you’re so cute, sweetheart. i’ll go get dessert.” he steps back into the kitchen. you grab your phone and text your roommate asking for help, but they don’t respond. miguel walks out with two plates of cheesecake. he continues to talk to you, asking about your classes for next semester. you gingerly answer his questions and eat, eager to finish and go home. you look behind miguel’s head and notice that the rain had gotten worse. if you didn’t leave now, you’d get stuck here.

“i should get going then.” you carefully place the fork down. “the rain is getting pretty bad.” miguel turns to look and you check your phone. still no response. miguel hums as the rain pelts the ground. he looks back at you.

“any minute now.” he doesn’t say anything else.

“ha, yeah. it’ll get worse any minute now.” you repeat and stand up. all of a sudden, your head spins. you stumble and grab your chair. immediately miguel is at your side, helping you steady. your head won’t stop spinning and you hear your words slurring, “fuck, i don’t feel good.” miguel picks you up with ease, holding you bridal-style. “put me down, please, miguel. i need to go home.” you feel yourself lose consciousness and lay your head against miguel’s chest, too tired and dizzy to fight.

“everything is okay, (y/n). all you need is me.” the last thing you feel as miguel whispers in your ear, is a kiss against your forehead.

326 notes · View notes

johannestevans · 3 months

Text

there's a plotline in grey's anatomy where they're setting up one char as having a potentially manic bipolar episode and one doctor shows concern and says he needs to be made to rest

and another doctor goes. oh no, i'm USING this episode he's having. we need it to save a patient

and i actually really like this bc like… that thing of workplaces, and especially workplaces with high levels of burnout and exploitation of its workers whilst using the importance of their work as an excuse, absolutely exploit these neurodivergent traits

i think a lot about the ways in which obsessive traits are wanted and even demanded by workplaces in order to filter an unreasonable or unmanageable workload through one or two people, and because they're "capable" it can be dismissed as acceptable

that person isn't eating or sleeping? well, they're still getting the work done! they're handling it! they're a genius! and who else is going to do the work? how else is it going to get done? they'd need to hire half a dozen people to get this finished otherwise!

and then, you know. that person has other symptoms and indicators of obsession. people start noticing compulsive behaviours. they seem out of touch with reality. their emotions become dysregulated, or they act unpredictably

and god, that's no appropriate way to act in a workplace! that's scary and weird and embarrassing! that's not an alright way to act! don't they know they're not the only person here? if they need help, they should ask for it - if they're going to act like this, they need to go

so they're exploited for the most valuable or useful trait of their mental illness or neurodivergence, that exploitation puts them under further external stress, so that trait - both its negative and positive aspects - are exacerbated… and then they need to be disposed of

the hard work has been done, so they're not losing anything by getting rid of that person, so who cares how much that person's long term health is ruined or impacted? who cares if they can't get another job or need long term treatment? not my problem! the work got done!

and the thing about how these exploitative actions occur within systems and organisations is that like. multiple people can be involved in this process, without sufficient enough oversight or connection with the exploited person, to check in with them before it escalates

or if people DO notice and check in with them, the system is otherwise overworked or fast-paced or badly organised or anything else, they won't be able to do anything to intervene or help that person because that person can't or won't ask for help themselves

and even if they DO ask for help, that request is going to be dismissed because, hey, they're getting it done and they NEED this worker's full concentration right now! the workplace NEEDS it.

the individual worker is meant to make sacrifices

and don't get me wrong, this is a problem of all workplaces which in our current society are inherently exploitative, but for people with certain traits that make them more vulnerable to this sort of manipulation and/or who struggle to set limits or boundaries for their own sake

and higher-ups within that system might recognise that person's vulnerability or they might not - they might know it's there but still exploit it out of "necessity", out of their own reliance on that person

but the end result is so long term and potentially unrecoverable

and obvs grey's is a medical show, and this sort of exploitation is common in healthcare professions (including veterinary sciences), certain research positions, law, but my experience of it is mostly in fucking hospitality, where high employee turnover is seen as part and parcel

#musings #grey's anatomy

44 notes · View notes

shalscumbunny · 1 year

Text

Dear Doctor | Chapter 2: Depravity

Summary: Shalnark suffered a small injury while investigating some things for the Gen'ei Ryodan, his intention was that a doctor would cure him and nothing else, unfortunately that doctor was you and what you least expected is that one of the most wanted criminals in the world would end up becoming obsessed with you.

Pairing: Shalnark X F.Reader

Warnings: Stalking, theft of clothes, male masturbation, cum shot, cum tribute, Shalnark being a degenerate pervert as always

Author’s note: I always mention it in all my writings in English, but better safe than sorry, English is not my native language so it is very likely to find many mistakes and also that I know practically nothing about writing “X character and Y/N”

I am not a doctor so I will say my life excuse for everything, “I am a social science student”, so if something is wrong I apologize

Sites: AO3

From one day to the next you became a very important part of Shalnark's life, he loved to follow you everywhere and see you without you noticing, that only made it more exciting for him.

Soon his computer began to fill up with various photos of you being distracted, working or simply doing nothing, but the most valuable photo for him was the one he took with you, that photo was his wallpaper, just the two of us, together, smiling, your cute, beautiful and perfect smile.

However, Shalnark is not the type of man who settles so little, the times that he stalked you, the idea of taking something of yours as a souvenir began to haunt his head.

One day when you were coming out of your guard at the hospital, you dropped a package, obviously it was Shalnark who picked it up and took it to his house at a cheerful pace.

When he arrived, he saw that they were clothes that you had worn on guard duty, a smile adorned his face, all of that smelled of you, there was no better smell than that, however, there was a garment that caught his attention above all.

A perverted smile formed on Shalnark's face when he took your underwear in his hand, he instinctively brought it closer to his nose, beginning to sniff it shamelessly.

"Oh... my doctor smells so good" he gasped as he kept sniffing, sticking the garment to his nose and seeing your cute smiling face on his computer.

That delicious aroma of yours was driving him crazy, he was getting addicted, trying to memorize it as the arousal began to pump through his body.

It was a matter of minutes before Shalnark started patting his pants and soon after he started stroking his cock, he was so hard just from smelling so intimate from you.

His mind began to wander as he closed his eyes, Shalnark imagining his beloved doctor so inappropriately lewd now, speeding up in his hand.

"Y/N... You're so perfect... It feels so good... So good" Shalnark moaned, feeling his pleasure rise.

You looked so good in Shalnark's mind, you were so perfect in his dirty imagination of him about you, you were his cute, pretty doctor, it made him moan more desperately.

He was enjoying it, he was having fun smelling your underwear, caressing himself and undressing you in his mind, he could only smell that underwear like a needy madman.

He didn't take long to spill out, reaching ecstasy and dirtying his hand, but that depraved act was dedicated to you and only you.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! I need you!” He moaned out loud feeling his heart rate quicken.

He was breathing heavily, on the edge, but he didn't care, he just went back to caressing himself and rubbing your underwear on his nose, moaning your name over and over again.

Your scent had him like an animal, panting and growling, imagining his dirtiest fantasies in that work of art that he held in his hands and that he would probably treasure forever.

Shalnark only became more and more degenerate when he thought of you and how much he loved and needed you, he ended up depriving himself of his climax and raised his hand starting to print your picture.

When the photo was ready, he put it on the desk and stood up starting to caress himself again with more vigor and sniff your underwear while looking at your pretty face in the photo, totally unable to blink.

“Doctor… How can you be so beautiful? Oh... you're beautiful... so perfect...” Shalnark praised you like a deity, dedicating this act so sick and impure to you “Soon I'll make you mine, don't worry... Soon you'll be mine alone, okay?”

Shalnark was panting with excitement looking at your photo until he finally climaxed again, watching with pride as your pretty face in the photo began to get smeared with his thick milky cum.

"Doctor... my semen looks so good on your beautiful face..." Shalnark moaned in your underwear

Shalnark had to sit down after that, the last climax was too intense, the best part where he let all his semen stain your pretty face, now he just smelled your underwear to calm down.

"God... that felt so good" he said, still sniffing and taking the photo with his other hand "I don't know how long I can take it, doctor... I need to see you in real life with my semen decorating your face...

Shalnark was freaking out about you… it was amazing how just a small act of kindness from you was enough to make him go crazy for you, but surely the best thing was that you didn't suspect anything at all.

Thank you so much for reading my shit 🖤

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 2 -> Chapter 3

#hxh #hunter x hunter #phantom troupe #shalnark #shalnark ryusei #genei ryodan #shalnark x reader #hxh shalnark #shalnark x you #hxh x reader #shalnark smut #yandere shalnark #yandere male #yandere #tw yandere #yandere shalnark x reader #phantom troupe x reader

172 notes · View notes

theetherealbloom · 1 year

Text

UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 8

Chapter Eight: Darkness Exists To Make Light Truly Count

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, LOTS OF ANGST IM SORRY AGAIN, Swearing, Suicide, FLUFF, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, INFECTED, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!

Word Count: 9.6k

A/N: Did I drag myself through hell and back writing this last chapter? YEP. Was I anxious writing this meaning that this would be the end of this series? YEAH. Did life get in the way and forcibly had to make me catch up with my schoolwork? UNFORTUNATELY YEP PLS–

Song: Someone To Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

Previous Chapter -> Epilogue | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD 2023

SILVER LAKE, COLORADO TO SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH – ONE WEEK LATER…

The bitterness of winter as time month moves on, you are greeted with the sweetness of spring. When did your life become a series of countdowns? Was it all just a grain of sand in an hourglass? One moment you were stumbling through the snow, away from Silver Lake. Next, you’re on the outskirts of Salt Lake City, Utah. Roughly 3,534 miles and you’re counting down the hours of today, vaguely knowing about what happens in Saint Mary's Hospital, the operation on Ellie, and the death of a surgeon triggering a chain reaction to stir violence with the former fireflies to kill Joel.

Each step into the city meant the possibility of losing them both to the future you seem to believe is set in stone, their stories already written and their fates chosen long before you had even stepped foot in the reality you couldn’t have possibly imagined existing. So you are standing and listening to him in that glistening emptiness, scavenging the remaining vehicles that contained any items to use. You hear your childhood sympathies banging against each other in a giant communal eardrum circle, trying to drown out melodies you can’t help but hum to. It feels like a part of your past follows you everywhere you go, a ghost you can’t shake, someone familiar but every time it places its hand in your hand, neither one of you could feel it.

Your weight is resting on the counter of the dilapidated kitchenette in an old RV, Joel tries to call your name, but you are now too deep into the thought that you don’t hear his rich and rough voice telling you about the broken guitar he found. Every part of you is somewhere else, a distant and dazed look in your eyes as you feel your vision blur. Joel approaches you cautiously, not wanting to startle you as he gently places his large palm on the side of your arm, rubbing it gently as he spoke softly, “Birdie… what’s wrong?” You blink up at him, your expression weepy and choked up, “Joel… there’s something you need to know.” He’s quick to ask, “What is it? What’s wrong, Darlin’?”

You feel your body melt at the nickname, but you gently place your hand on his, squeezing it as you said, “Joel… I know how all of this ends. I know how you die.” You watch as his shoulders rise, his breathing becomes still, and his expression was mixed with realization, curiosity, and despair. He swallows as he asks, “How… I thought you didn’t know everythin’?” You nodded, “Yes, I swear to you, there were parts I didn’t know or couldn’t remember. Everything except how all of this ends.” He frowns and grimaces, but never lets go of your hand, gruffly he says, “Tell me.” You move a little closer to his warmth, wanting to be close to him as you spoke, “Everything that will happen at Saint Mary's… the decisions and choices you make in the next few hours will be the cause of your death in the next few years or so. The Doctor you kill and um… You and Ellie… I don’t know if there’s a chance of a happy ending in this world or any way out of this besides going back to Jackson and convincing Ellie that she doesn’t have to go through with this or… fighting our way through the upcoming obstacles in our way.”

Joel shifts his weight from one leg to the other, bringing his eyes to yours, and at that moment you knew, the heat that radiates in his stare as he looks at you, every inch of skin comes alive as he drags his hand along your arm to your waist, sliding it and carefully securing you closer to him. Now, you are inches away from your lips to his, his nose touching the tip of your own with your foreheads pressed together, you breathe him in, close your eyes, and sigh in comfort. He cradles the side of your face and you lean into him, he gently asks, “What would you like me to do, Sweetheart?” You place your hand on top of his, leaving a soft kiss on his wrist and then replying, “I need you to stay alive. Ellie needs you… I need you to be here with us. Next, when the opportunity presents itself, please, I beg you, spare the surgeon.” He whispers his inquiry, “Why?” You sniff and feel your eyes well up, “Because his daughter will be the reason for your death. Look, I don’t care who else you decide to kill, just if you can… leave him alive.”

He holds you closer as he shakily asks, “Why are you tellin’ me this now, Hon’?” You lick your lips nervously, placing your head on his shoulder as he fully embraces your figure, slowly speaking, “I… I’m scared, Joel. I’m honestly terrified of what’s going to happen next. I don’t want to lose you… I can’t lose you.” You shudder at the thought, the mere idea of it brings you to clutch him tighter, and he cradles your figure closer as he soothes you, “You won’t lose me. I’m persistent, remember?” You weakly laugh at that, and he wipes away the tears from your cheeks while saying, “Let’s go show Ellie what we found.” You open your mouth to speak but he has already read your mind, “We’ll figure it out and cross that bridge when we get there. Okay, Birdie?” He has changed all of your circuitry, the red and gold, writing all over your being. How he looks at you, his eyes say everything without a single word. You nod and whisper, “Okay.” He presses his lips to yours with passion and promises, “I’ll keep us safe, I swear.”

You step out and leave the abandoned RV, grabbing an old board game, and canned food. Joel yells out, “Ellie! Ellie.” Still, no response from the teenager sitting at the back of an old blue truck, and her mind seems to be somewhere else. “Ellie!” Joel yells a bit louder, which causes her to turn around to look at him, preoccupied, remote, distracted perhaps by the magnitude of what their arrival in Salt Lake City could mean.

“D’ya hear me?”Joel asks through the loud wind blowing through everyone’s hair, Ellie shakes her head, “No. What?” Ellie asks, and Joel excitedly shows Ellie that he found a can, “Well, we found this in there. Beefaroni. Chef Boyardee.” Calling back to their campfire meal, to which Ellie tries to sound enthusiastic, but ending up sounding flat, “Oh, cool.” Joel approaches Ellie, shaking the old cardboard box game, “And have you ever played this? Boggle? It’s a word game.” She politely and quietly shakes her head, seemingly uninterested but still trying to please Joel, she hands him back the box and he says, “Well if you wanna beat me at somethin’, it would be this.”

Ellie manages to nod her head, and you frown at her lackadaisical nature, noting that this isn’t like her at all. You walk to Joel’s side as he calmly spoke again, “Well, all right then. We’re gettin’ close. Hospital that way. May be the one we’re lookin’ for.” Ellie pushes herself off the back of the truck, the sound of dirt crunching beneath her boots as she replied, “Got it.” She grabs her pack while Joel shoves the canned food and board game into his backpack. Ellie approaches you both and Joel rolls his shoulder, showing her the rifle, “Take this for me?” Ellie grabs so he can throw the strap of the backpack across his shoulder, “Thanks.” He grabs the rifle once more, carrying it while Ellie nods in acknowledgment.

As the three of you walked along the ruined highway, Joel begins to talk, “They had a guitar in that RV. It was all smashed up but got me thinkin’ maybe I should find one. I haven’t played in forever. In fact, I was thinkin’ maybe I could teach you. I bet you’d be great at it.” Ellie merely hums and Joel asks her with a sort of hopeful tone, “Do you wanna learn how to play guitar?” There is no response from Ellie, your eyes shift from her to Joel, and you see him frown in concern, “Ellie?” She looks up, blinking at him as she hums in response, “Oh, yeah. That’d be great.”

Surprisingly, the entire walk into the city was quiet, there was no chatter from Ellie or Joel, no melody leaving your lips as you pass by abandoned cars. After what seemed like thirty minutes, Joel finally broke the silence once more, “Okay, so this is what I’m thinkin’...” Ellie already knew what he was talking about, “Cut through that building to get around that stuff, find the skyscraper, go up and look around.” You look at her impressed, while Joel says, “Actually, this time I was thinkin’ we blast our way through that rubble. I found some dynamite in that RV back there.” This catches Ellie off guard, “Really?” While you give him a suspicious look, “The fuck has gotten into you?”

Joel confirms he was joking around as he replied to you both, “No, so we’re gonna cut through that building, find a skyscraper, go up, and look around. But I had you both goin’, didn’t I?” You playfully rolled your eyes while Ellie nods once more. The group decides to cut through the building on the way to the hospital, and decide to climb an abandoned skyscraper to get a better vantage point and lay off the land. The red tarpaulins hanging over the scaffolding, “Look at this place,” Joel says as you all take a good look around your environment, “Talk about bad luck. Military drops bombs, not one of them hits the building you’re trying to demolish.” You peek through the rubble to see the sunlight streaming through, Joel cranes his neck to look up, “No way up.”

He approaches the fence gate inside the construction, the steel rattling loudly as he does, and walks through with you and Ellie trailing behind him. Joel spots a ladder peaking from above as you stand next to him, “I get Ellie up there, you can drop down that ladder down, maybe we go through that way. Come one I’ll give you a boost.” You both turn to look for her to find her looking through abandoned blueprints, you watch as Joel is more attentive to her as he asks, “You okay?” Ellie brings her head up to look at him, “Yeah, I’m fine.” Joel doesn’t buy it, “It’s just you seem extra quiet today, so.” Ellie feels the guilt bubble in her, “Oh… I’m sorry.” While you and Joel shake your heads, “No, it’s fine. Did you hear what I…” Ellie is quick to nod, “Yeah, boost. Got it.”

Joel steps on top of the wooden scaffolding, and Ellie grabs his outstretched hand, readying his stance while saying, “One, two, up.” You watch as Ellie pushes her body weight up while Joel asks, “Ya got it?” Ellie responds, “Yeah. Okay.” She’s just about to put down the ladder, however, the usually attentive Ellie is caught off guard by something and instead ends up just dropping the ladder and running off to look at something. Joel barked out, “God dammit, Ellie! Shit.” You also call for her, but there is no indication she hears you. You and Joel lift the ladder while he yells out to the teen, “You stay there!” To which Ellie yells back, “You gotta see this!” You climb the ladder first while Joel follows behind you, your voice echoes as you spoke, “Ellie? Where are you?”

“Up here!” Ellie says while you and Joel pursue her, perhaps worried at first that she’s in danger. Grumbling, Joel says her name but Ellie is quick to run, “Come on!” You and Joel wonder what the fuss is about, he calls her again, trying to get her to stop running so damn fast, “Ellie.” Again, she doesn’t relent, pushing faster to chase whatever caught her attention. Joel is breathing heavily as he mumbles, “Just wait. God damn it.”

After another flight of stairs, you pass by a ruined wall, as you sidestepped it, what you both find is Ellie, standing awestruck by the sight of a giraffe, peacefully munching on some leaves growing on the building. The feeling of enchantment rushes through your body, the familiarity of the scene that you had a glimpse of during your time back in your other universe. How important this meant to both of them.

Joel quietly approaches and stands next to Ellie, while you are to the left of her. Though time is ruthless, it showed you kindness despite the effects the Infected have wrought on the hope and innocence of the world in the end. But showing and by slowing down enough, a second chance to make amends. Ellie pointedly looks at Joel, “Don’t scare it.” To he replies, “I won’t.” He sets down his rifle, draws his weapons, and gives himself and Ellie a welcome reprieve from the darkness so that the balance may be restored. When the world welcomes you in, you’re closer to Heaven than you’ll ever know. They say this place has changed, but strip away all of the technology and you will see that you all are hunters, hunting for something that will make us okay.

Joel grabs a couple of leaves from the side of the tree and Ellie’s voice is in alarm as she asks, “What are you doing?” He reassures her, “It’s all right. Come here, hurry up. Come on.” Ellie walks towards him, a little closer to the giraffe, while you stand there nervously rubbing your arm. Joel spots your discomfort but quickly reassures you, “You too Hummin’ bird.” You exhaled deeply, trusting Joel and walking closer to the giraffe.

He passes leaves to you both, and there is a form of uncertainty between you and the giraffe, but eventually, you stretch out your hand and the giraffe approaches you, grazing on the leaves you have presented to the creature. When you were out of leaves, it then went to Ellie, happily munching on the leaves she had with her. There is something so precious about Ellie’s laugh. The whole is so much greater than the sum of these parts. You've heard the truth before, for in beauty there echoes a speck of our source. There's a voice inside your soul, that resonates through your skin and bone. Crooked mouth, quiet down, you let your fists come undone. The understanding that miscarried love will be reborn. There is hope in our eyes when we truly see each other.

Joel smiles lovingly at her joy, the honoring of every shadow, and gratitude for all that follows. Overwhelmed, wave after wave, you are more afraid to lose what you have found, even after all this evolving, it still feels unnatural, still pulls tight the muscles, and strains the arms and spine. Ellie’s laughs are melodious as she states, “So fucking cool.” There are no more leaves left for the giraffe to munch on, seemingly done, she begins to trot away. Ellie whines, “Aw, where is she going?” She begins to race after her, yelling out to her two guardians, “Come on, come on, come on, come on!”

As Joel was about to turn and call after her, you grab his wrist, causing him to look at you with concern, “What is it, Hon’?” Your heart melts at the nickname, you give him a soft smile as you took in a breath before speaking your heart out, “I have to tell you something.” He frowns in concern, “Now? Ellie might–” You cut him off while nodding, “Yes, now.” Joel leans a little closer, “What is it? Tell me what’s wrong.” You weakly laugh at his statement, knowing him too well to know that whatever is wrong he’d immediately want to fix it for you because that’s how he cares.

A beat passes between you two, the sound of the wind rustling the leaves, the huffs of the giraffes from outside, and even a few birds chirping, seemed like everything was right where it should be. Joel opens his mouth, and at first, no sound comes out, but he gathers his courage and says, “Not that I wouldn’t say it first, ‘cause I would.” You smile at him knowing what he was implying, and you shake your head, “It’s no big deal,” You try to finish your statement but he cuts you off, his southern accent is more prominent as his voice goes lower, “I’ll tell you soon.” You hold the side of his face, as he looks at you while holding his breath ‘cause you both could, in a voice so soft and sweet, you say, “Until then, I love you.”

The darkness that hangs over him at first tries to reject it as his lips parts in astonishment and bewilderment. He would drag you through the muck while telling you that you belonged to a cleaner lifestyle. He thinks you'd be crushed underfoot by him, that you'd be able to see right through him, that he's just spewing hot air, that you'd be always racing after him as he chases after more svelte models, and that it would be a never-ending cycle. His mouth quivers and his beautiful southern accent is accentuated as he asks, “Are you sure? After everything I’ve done? After all the people I’ve killed?”

You held your breath while you thought about it for a long, quiet moment. “I am willing to fit into any spaces you give me since I am aware of your sharp edges and have seen your beautiful curves. Bring on the muck if loving you takes becoming filthy,” you said. “And right now, I’m pretty in love with you, if that’s okay.”

He leans it to place his lips to yours, kissing you with such fiery passion you had only ever dreamed or seen in moves and read about in romance novels. His lips were warm and soft. They parted slightly, allowing my tongue to slip inside. Your bodies pressed together heatedly, breathing heavily as our lips pressed together. You could taste your shared breath, and feel the thud of your combined heartbeats. And just like that, he did not crave the language he always thought he needed. The warmth and softness of his lips, the taste and scent of his breath, and the subtle movements of both of your tongues. But even though he couldn't say it out loud, it was undeniable that both of their love for each other was palpable. It was in the way you laughed together, the way you touched each other's hands, and the way you looked at each other. Pulling away, to cup your face, and just like that a hand reached backward into a faraway dream and said, “Come on then, we better catch up to Ellie.”

Moving to the rooftop of the building, Joel pulls the door open and you see Ellie happily observing the herd of giraffes. The rusty door squeaks as it shuts behind you, looking over the towers of giraffes walking around the greenery that has taken over the ruined city. You walk over to Ellie’s side, making her the center between you and Joel. The weight of family and the pull of gravity. It seems like growing up didn't take long, you were a family pulled from the flood, you tore the floorboards up and let the river rush in, not wash away.

You recognize the parallel to the first time you stood on a rooftop with Ellie and Joel, looking over the view of a ruined city to find some absolute answer to a world that seemed so hopeless. Joel places his hands on the ledge of the rooftop, and he gruffly asks, “Is it everything ya hope for?” You look at Ellie, her lips forming a little smile, “It’s got its ups and downs, but you can’t deny that view.” It set your hearts ablaze, and every city was a gift, every skyline was like a kiss upon the lips. Joel looks at Ellie concerned mixed with uncertainty, “Look, I don’t know exactly where this hospital is…” The teen’s determination is unwavering as she swiftly said, “Yeah, we’ll find it.”

He releases a shaky breath, he feels his parental nature returning, “Sure. It’s just… Maybe there’s nothin’ bad out there, but so far there’s always been somethin’ bad out there.” Ellie shrugs, “We’re still here, though.” Joel nods, “I know. I’m only saying there’s risk.” Ellie looks away but Joel shifts his weight to lean closer, insisting, feeling a presentiment of losing her, “We don’t have to do this. I want you to know that.” Ellie turns to look at him with furrowed brows and a frown, “What do you mean? What else are we supposed to do?” To which Joel responds, “Nothin’. We just go back to Tommy’s. We forget the whole damn thing.”

“After all we’ve been through? Everything I’ve done? It can’t be for nothing,” Ellie replies evenly. “I know you mean well. I know you want to protect me. You have. And when we’re done, we’ll go wherever you want. Tommy’s, sheep ranch, the moon. I’ll follow you anywhere you go. But there’s no halfway with this. We finish what we started.” She finishes giving her a touching speech with clear-eyed dignity. After a beat passes, Joel reluctantly nods in agreement. It becomes clearer now, if you listen just right, you can almost hear it. The symphony of secrecy, life, the search for love, but finding fear. We could hold our breath forever, or maybe for a while. The best will surely come, until then you’ll feel nothing at all.

You three proceed to cut through an abandoned emergency medical center left over from the outbreak. You see the ruins of triage tents outside, and a brief moment of déjà vu creeps over you, remembering the makeshift facilities and tents from your universe during the outbreak. Some vines overgrow the poles of the tents, there are rotting medical supplies and vehicles. Taking it all in, Ellie wonders, “Was it a FEDRA thing?” Joel shakes his head, “No. Army. They put these places up all around, the first few days after the outbreak. Emergency medical camps. Obviously didn’t last. They had me in one just like this.” Ellie quickly assumes he had his daughter with him, “With Sarah?”

You look at him concerned and afraid that he would begin to lash out in anger as a defense, but he doesn’t. Instead, he shakes his head in disagreement, “No, she was gone already. So what was wrong with you?” Joel points to his scar, “It was for this.” Ellie nods in realization, “The guy who shot and missed. I figured that would’ve happened later.” There’s a shift in his voice that you catch, “No.” He slows his pace to a stop, “Second day.” You stop to look at him but Ellie continues to talk, “I’ve gotta hand it to the Army people and Birdie. They are way better at stitchin’ you up than I was.”

“It was me.” This causes Ellie to freeze and turn around to see the rise and fall of her chest falter. Your eyes begin to gloss over and sting and the thoughts seep into her head with a terrifying blankness. It was nauseating. Joel baldly confesses, “It was me,” he says. “I was the guy who shot and missed.” He then moves to sit atop a concrete barrier, while you and Ellie also move to sit beside him, “There’s no story. Sarah died. And I couldn’t see the point anymore. Simple as that. And I wasn’t scared, either. I was ready. I couldn’t have been more ready. When I… When I went to pull the trigger, I flinched. Still don’t know why.” The raw admission, of him opening up himself to you and Ellie shows how far you three have come. A great tremor took over your body, a tightening of your throat and a short intake of breath, you try and will yourself to not cry. “Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is…” Ellie cuts him off, “I know why you’re telling the both of us this.”

He nods, “Yeah, I reckon you do.” And you hold his hand to stop his thumb from fidgeting with his pointer finger, unsure if you were comforting him or yourself. To remind yourself he’s still here. After a moment of silence and uncomfortable realization, Ellie says, “So time heals all wounds, I guess.” Joel ponders for a moment, before deciding to openly admit how much he truly cares for Ellie and you, “It wasn’t time that did it.” He unwaveringly, and lovingly looks at Ellie and you, squeezing your hand as he does. For Joel, everything you’ve been through, all the pain and death, it’s worth it because he has a daughter again and now you. It brings everything together for Joel. He’s succeeded here. He cares less about Ellie’s potential for a cure and more about not losing a person he loves again. He, is once again, whole.

Ellie quietly lets go of the breath she was holding, “Well, I’m glad that… that didn’t work out.” Joel nods in agreement, “Me, too.” He wipes away the tears with his other hand and then moves to wipe away the tears that you didn’t even realize had streamed down your face. The teen awkwardly shifts to move off the concrete barrier you three were sitting on, “We should probably get going.” Joel automatically agrees, “Yeah.”

There's something about sadness that leaves you wanting more. A sickness that breathes… from holding on to letting go, like the feeling of change is almost like dying. You know from time to time that hope seems but a foreign land. A distance that you cannot reach and a language you cannot speak. In his words, the movement of his eyes, the expressions on his face, the rush of your walking. And through all the things you'll find out and will hold on tighter to the surface of life. Like a moth to the flame, we become helpless to the beautiful ghost that true love sheds.

You continue your journey to the hospital, Joel hasn’t let go of your hand as you walk side by side with Ellie, he then asks aloud, “You know what I’m in the mood for?” Ellie quizically wonders, “What?” Joel smiles as he responds, “Shitty puns.” She laughs and you smile at her delight, rummaging her pack to find her pun book, flipping through the pages she finds one and says, “‘People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.’” Joel clicks his tongue, making a face in mock offense, Ellie smiles, “Too soon?” Joel shakes his head and smiles, “No, it’s topical.” Ellie lets out a giggle, “Oh, I love this one! ‘Moon rocks taste better than Earth rocks. Why?” The man next to you scratches his forehead before shrugging, then Ellie answer, “‘Cause they’re meteor.’” You smile in amusement while Joel shakes his head, “Oh, that’s terrible.” Ellie throws back, “Fuck you. That was actually good.” He disagrees entirely, “That’s a zero out of ten.” You laugh, “Oh, we’re giving grades now?” His southern accent is prominent as he replied, “Damn right darlin’.” Ellie laughs, “All right, all right. ‘What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot.’” Joel rates, “That’s a three outta ten.” But Ellie tries to bargain, “Seven, minimum.” He shakes his head but tries to meet her in the middle, “I’ll give it a five. Five outta ten.”

In the moments that you feel that you three are closer than ever before, the world drops out from under your feet. The sharp sound of metal from something behind you causes you three to turn your heads in alarm, spotting the stun grenade, Joel moves to shield you and Ellie, bringing you three crashing to the ground. There is smoke that hazes your vision, and the ringing in your ears is sharp and painful, the world around you is a blur. You make the muffled sounds of Ellie yelling for you and Joel, tall figures with firearms taking her and you away from him. There is always something there, to take your hearts like thieves, there is always something there. A painful strike to the head and it all goes white, to close your eyes, to end this chase while unraveling the most essential thread.

ST. MARY’S HOSPITAL, SALT LAKE CITY — DAY

You slowly blink your eyes open, you hear the steady beat of your own heart with the help of the monitor near the side of your bed, and you feel the plush pillow beneath your head, you feel the cotton of a hospital sticking onto your skin while you are trying to get an understanding of where you are. Next, the smell of familiar antiseptic and bleach fills your nostrils, you first spot that you’re hooked into an IV drip, moving your head to the door frame, you feel your eyes widen and they dart across the room to see Marlene.

You can’t bring yourself to move, as you observe Marlene studying you, finally she says, “You’re finally awake.” You blink once, then again, before swallowing your fears, “Where’s Joel?” Marlene pushes herself off of the wall and uncrosses her arms, “He’s in another room, unconscious but fine. Patrol didn’t know who you were.” Your breathing hitches, “Okay, where’s Ellie?” Marlene replies steadily, as if practiced, “She’s fine. She’s not hurt, mostly worried about you two though.” You narrowed your eyes in suspicion, “You’re going to operate on her.” Marlene sighs, defeatedly she nods, “Yes.” You lick your lips as a nervous tick, “You also know that I’m also immune.” The leader of the rebellion nods again, and you close your eyes to shake your head, “She’s just a kid. She’s everything to Joel… to me. Don’t do the operation on her, take me instead.” Marlene shakes her head in disagreement, “I can’t do that.” You tilt your head to the side, “Why not?”

She heavily sighs, “Your immunity is different from hers.” You scoff, “The cordyceps that she had since birth, grow in her brain, sending a chemical messenger to tell other cordyceps that she is cordyceps. You’re going to have to kill her just to get that damn vaccine. So, just take the plasma from me, it might contain the antibodies that you need to fight the virus.” Marlene places both of her hands on her waist “I can’t let you do that.” Exhausted you frustratingly growl, “Why? This has been the center of debate for years. The fuckin’ goddamn Trolley Problem! Plow into a group of people or turn and hit one person. Forcing you to choose to let other people die, but the solution was so simple.” Marlene takes the bait and asks, “And what is the answer?”

“Sacrificing yourself. And right now, Marlene, I have that choice. Either to let you kill an innocent girl, someone who didn’t ask to be brought into this fractured world to save what little we have left, or save her and all of humanity… with me, someone who never should have been here in the first place.” Marlene hums, “Well, you’re right about one thing… you aren’t from here.” You look at her confused and someone familiar steps into your room, the dark hair, black eyes, his stature lanky and tall, you shakingly exhale, “Adam. How are you even… What?” Another Firefly soldier comes in to retrieve Marlene, whispering that Joel is waking up. She walks away with the Firefly soldier and leaves you and Adam to talk.

He clears his throat, “I’ve been looking for you, and it's been weeks since your apartment burned down with you going missing. Do you remember anything that happened before the fire?” You shake your head, “I remember going to sleep after watching… yeah.” He nods, “You had brought home your research without any of the lab researchers or staff knowing. Your apartment burned down along with the research. I thought it was a little weird since… they didn’t find your body or any indication of you being abducted so I did a little bit of snooping around your desk, found the flash drive of your existing equations and theories before they took it away for evidence, had a hunch you were successful with your research and that you were out there somewhere.”

You manage to let out a chuckle, “Thanks for looking for me… I thought no one would notice if I was gone. It’s nice to have a friend.” He gives an awkward smile, “Did you have to bring yourself into this specific universe?” You rolled your eyes with humor, “It wasn’t intentional, I swear.” He gives you a knowing look but doesn’t tease you any further. Your mind begins to linger on the question you had since you woke up, “Why won’t Marlene just operate on me? It would be the best solution to avoid the upcoming massacre.”

Adam frowns and sighs, “When I first came here to look for you, Marlene had found me and then recruited me to join the Fireflies, but I had told her I wasn’t fit to fight and that I’m a scientist looking for a lost friend in their universe. You could imagine her skepticism but she eventually believed me,” You have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as he continued, “After we made it to Salt Lake City, I had said that if things were to change, if you were to sacrifice yourself, to take Ellie’s place, it would completely cause the boundary between two universes to erode, and collide, destroying one or both entirely.” You look up at the ceiling, the fluorescent lights hanging from above, “Let me guess, our universe is next to this one.” Adam nods, “I’m sorry. I tested the simulation before I got here… There are certain points that you can change but most of it stays the same.”

“Do you know how this ends?” You asked, he raises his eyebrows, “Which part?” You think to yourself before speaking again, “All of it.” He nods then loudly exhales, “Yes. It ends… in a selfish choice. A lie. But you already knew that why do you need to ask?” Unwaveringly, you stare him down, your voice stern and steady as you say, “Because I’m going to make my selfish choice too.”

It was quiet for a moment, the epiphany kicking in and settling between you and your friend. Adam shifts his weight on the other leg before reaching into his pocket, showing you a small rectangular device, “I managed to figure out the wiring and transmission issue, as well as the power issue with crystalized radium, and stabilized it with other elements. So, I managed to create a portable version of the machine you had. We can go home.”

That is what you were looking for all this time, right? A way back home. Now it’s right here in your grasp, just in reach but you feel no joy. No overwhelming sense of comfort or excitement. Nothing. You swallowed and shake your head, “No.” Adam is taken aback by your answer, “What? But you… your life back home.” You shake your head disagreeing, “That was never my home. You and I both know that. I was already researching a way out of that place, somewhere far away, and now… I’m here, free, and loved.” He shakes his head, “You can’t change what was already written.” You give him a sad smile, “The future is always changing. And I’ll make sure of it.” Adam insists, “And if you can’t?”

You leave all logic aside as you breathlessly say, “Then… At least they don’t have to go through any of the next steps alone.” Adam sighs and waves the device, “What do you want me to do with this.” You raise your eyebrows, “Go home, Adam. Ali needs you there, and as for my research… burn it. All of it, destroy everything.” He disagrees with you, “What?! That’s your life’s work?” You blankly stare into his eyes, “We aren’t ready for this kind of this discovery just yet. The world is moving so fast over there, if we don’t slow down, we’ll crash and burn.” He tries again to convince you to come home, to go back to the simple life you had before, “But…” You cut him off, “Remember what you told me? All disasters start with a scientist being ignored.” Defeatedly he tilts his head down, then nods agreeing, “Okay.”

You glance out the glass window of your room, there are Fireflies running down the hall, and from a distance the sound of loud pops and gunshots can be heard echoing, followed by yelling and thumping footsteps of Firefly soldiers. You turn back to look at Adam, “Listen to me, you need to leave right now. Burn all of my research. I want everything wiped out from the Cloud and every hard drive to be destroyed, all of it. But seriously, you need to go. Joel figured out what the hell was going on and will kill anyone who gets in his way. I don’t think he’s himself right now… so please just go… and take care of yourself and Ali for me?” Adam achingly smiles with tears in his eyes, “Goodbye and good luck.” With a push of a couple of buttons, followed by a flash of bright light, your only chance, a way back to your original universe was gone.

The sound of people screaming and dying was getting closer, the unmistakable sound of gunshots fill your ears and you feel a sense of dread creep through your bones. It is never safe enough to fall in love in this world. How easy it is to give the thing you want the most and punish you for it. But you’re smart enough to know, you can’t escape the truth of what you want. Every move we make will trigger another, and every small mistake will be a messenger. Your lives are weaving like a thread within each other, faithfully sharing in our joys and miseries and all that the world can give.

A firefly soldier tries to take cover in your room, essentially holding you hostage. You stay frozen in your bed as you observe Joel as he stalks over with an eerie calm expression, easily aiming at him, spraying him with bullets to take him down, and you don’t move as you watch him flick the switchblade open, the silver glimmering in his hand, brutally stabbing the soldier, he screams in agony before his eyes roll back, dead. He picks up the assault rifle from the corpse before standing and making his way to your bedside, a sharp contrast to what you had just seen, he leans in to kiss your forehead, “Hey, Sweetheart. They were tryin’ to take you away from me. Sorry I didn’t come sooner.” You take in the grime on his face, blood, and dust, lovingly gaze into his eyes and wrap your arms around his waist, “It’s okay. I knew you’d come lookin’ for me.” He breathes you in, and for a moment, he can ground himself with you hugging him tightly, close to him, but a dose of reality kicks in when he hears footsteps of oncoming Fireflies, he says to you, “Can you walk?” You nod, “The drugs that they gave me might kick in soon, but for now, yes.” He nods and helps you up while saying, “Let’s go get our baby girl.”

You feel the cold tiles of the hospital floor, wincing now and then over the debris and rocks, you accidentally step on. Joel shoots his way through, cold-heartedly executing anyone who dares and tries and gets in the way of Ellie. You know deep down he’s disassociated, disconnected from himself and the world around him. There is no sign of remorse in his eyes, only clear-cut focus and calmness you can’t quite place.

Eventually, you make it to pediatrics with Joel holding a handgun instead of the assault rifle. A sign points to where the surgery room is, as you walk through the hallway, you notice the different cartoon jungle animals painted on the walls, spotting another giraffe, the gentle giant that represented a holy moment of peace with Ellie. You press forward, slightly limping with the wounds on your feet as you two make it to the end of the hallway and into the operating room.

Joel quietly pushes the door open, spotting Ellie on the table, ready to be cut open and dissected. He then pushes the second door open to stand by the door, and calmly he says, “Unhook her.” The nurses gasp and the lead surgeon steps forward, “How did you get in here?” Joel doesn’t care to reply to his question, pointing his gun at him, “I said unhook her.” Before you knew what you were doing you loudly spoke, “Dr. Anderson. Listen to me, I know what you’re about to do next, the moment you fuckin’ pick up that scalpel blade, he will shoot you with no hesitation. He’s not himself right now. So, for your own daughter’s sake… don’t fucking move and let the nurses unhook Ellie.” He freezes, not expecting what you had just said, he looks between you two and Ellie, “We need to do this. It could work, we could have a vaccine. A chance to win.”

You shake your head, “Vaccines only work if there’s the proper distribution. A collective effort to try and solve this problem together. You have no resources to distribute it, even if you did it would take years to form collective immunity and then we’d have to figure out how to get rid of the infected. We have to share each other's work openly and efficiently. So that together we might achieve what we cannot achieve alone, collective immunity.”

Dr. Anderson takes in the information, the true meaning of your words but eventually settles on a decision, one that would have major implications in the future. He grabs the scalpel from the tray, and points it at you both, “I won’t let you take her.” There is no hesitation as Joel puts a bullet through his head, the loud gunshot causes both of the nurses to flinch and scream in horror. There is a flat tone in Joel’s voice as he says, “Unhook her.” The nurses have their arms up, shakingly cowering as his voice booms, “Move!” They do as they’re told, unhooking Ellie from the IV, blood drips down her arm, “Cover her arm.” Joel said and one of the nurses places a cotton patch on top of it. He then tells them to turn around, which all of them do with no question. As Joel carries Ellie out of the operating room, you quietly say, “I’m sorry. Tell Abby that I tried. But the moment she comes after him, I won’t hesitate to kill her.”

You leave and catch up with Joel who is carrying Ellie’s limp body in his arms, the elevator doors open, and you both step inside. You made mistakes and did a few things right. It will take what it will take, baby that's life, you cannot change what you do not own, everybody knows. But if you live deep and love strong you get pretty damn close. The elevator doors open to the basement of the hospital, and you both quickly spot a car ready to climb into to leave. As you quickly walk towards it, you begin to fade in and out, your energy spent and feeling the effects of the drugs they had given you prior.

“You can’t keep them safe forever.” Marlene walks out of the shadows with a gun pointed at you both, and you feel yourself slip further into darkness, you hazily hear the words from Marlene, “No matter how hard you try, no matter how many people you kill, she’s gonna grow up, Joel. And then you’ll die. She’ll leave. Then what? How long till she’s torn apart by Infected or murdered by raiders? Because she lives in a broken world that you could have saved.” Joel nods, “Maybe. But it isn’t for you to decide.” Marlene throws back at him, “Or you. So what would she decide? ‘Cause I think she’d wanna do what’s right because your girl over there was about to sacrifice herself to spare you both and save the world. And you know it. It’s not too late. Even now,” She tucks the gun away back into her holster, “Even after what you’ve done. We can still find a way.”

That’s when you couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, your eyes roll back to your head, you feel your knees give out and your body comes crashing down to the floor. In this sea of change, understanding is our shore, you disappear with no control. The current is strong, your arms are weak. But you are the branch within his reach, though you cannot catch your breath. Joel isn’t able to catch you in time, and it’s as if the world had slowed down to watch your lifeless body crumple and shut down right in front of him and he’s never felt so powerless. He gazes down at you and then at Ellie, considering the rebel leader’s points, then he brings his eyes to Marlene.

ON THE ROAD, TO JACKSON — DAY

With his closed fists, he will feel like he’s succeeded. Outside of the walls of Jackson is an awful place as far as he can tell. You were victims of a constant loss, you three were not the enemy. He is afraid that his plans will lose their place. Maybe you all could hold your breath forever, or maybe for a while, knowing that the best will surely come like sunshine streaming down or the falling of rain.

Through your sleepy eyes, contagiously bright, as you stir awake, you are now in the front passenger seat of a truck you do not recognize, stretches of tall trees whiz past your periphery as you slowly crane your neck to look at Joel, who is gazing at you with relief and a little bit of remorse. Slowly, you see it in his eyes. The landscape of being are endlessly competing, back and forth for an answer to existence that you can understand. Perhaps you’re looking far too closely, you can't see all the evidence in its entirety. The air in your lungs and the complexity of both of your love for each other and Ellie. But love travels like a rumor here, losing form with every ear, just a skeleton of something more.

Ellie stirs and starts to wake up confused in the back seat, “What?” Joel is quick to reassure her and says, “It’s all right. You’re with us. Take it slow. The drugs are still wearin’ off.” Ellie mumbles, “I was with the Fireflies, and then… what drugs?” Joel swallows down his guilt before steadily saying, “They were runnin’ some test on you and some others. Turns out there’s a whole lot more like you. People that are immune. Dozens of ‘em. And the doctors, they couldn’t make any of it work. They’ve actually…” There’s a small pause, a wavier in his voice as the flashbacks come back to him in a blur, “They’ve stopped looking for a cure,” he lies, and Ellie then asks him suspiciously, “Where are my clothes?” He fabricates another lie, “Raiders attacked the hospital. Barely got ya both outta there. We’ll find you two some new clothes on the way.” Ellie senses the bullshit, “Were people hurt?” Joel clenches his jaw before deciding, “Yes.” To which she asks, “Is Marlene okay?” His eyes get misty again as he drives, he can’t bring himself to admit the truth to her or spew out more lies, so he settles on something true, “I’m takin’ us home.” She turns over so he can’t see her face in the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

You sit there stunned at Joel’s lies and see the strength of his resolve. You turn your head to look at him to find him gazing at you as if asking, begging through his whiskey-doe eyes, imploring you to not tell her the truth right now. You have to trust him, he knows where he’s going. The unbearable weight of a hidden question between exchanging looks, “Will you follow me, still?” You close your eyes for a moment, and Joel nearly falters, readying himself for the fallout, but instead, you take his right hand, with your own, squeezing it with reassurance. Some truths, over time, can learn to play nice and some truths are sharper than knives. No matter what category you fit into, truth's got its sight set on you. The light that we hold must be buried to bloom. And in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth. You’re the deal that everyone breaks when you’re without him. Only love proves to be the truth.

3 DAYS LATER…

THE OUTSKIRTS OF JACKSON — DAY

After a couple of stops, grabbing clothes and shoes from abandoned houses and stores. The car that he stole from the Fireflies had broken down, Ellie sat in the driver's seat as she traced her arms of the bitemark of the first Infected she ever faced. You were leaning on the other car door, right beside her, before quietly showing your arm the bite mark of the Infected a few weeks prior. She looks up at you in surprise, “You’re also… Immune?” You nod, explaining to her the possibility of now having the antibodies to fight the cordyceps infection along with the speculation of the radiation you had. She dwells on that information for a moment before asking, “Did the Fireflies try and test you too?” You look directly at her, “Yes. I’m not sure it worked though.” The lie that falls off your tongue tastes sour, but she doesn’t pick up on it, sensing that there was enough truth in what you said. Joel loudly shuts the hood of the car, “Well, she got us close enough.” He looks behind him before walking towards you and Ellie, “We gotta walk the rest of the way. Probably a five-hour hike but we can manage that. Remember?” Ellie smiles at the memory of the good times of the journey, “Yeah.”

You hike through the woods, taking in the earthly smell of pine trees and dirt. The forest resets in hope, with every crunch beneath your feet, and the two people you hold most dear to your heart. Joel brings himself to talk about Sarah, “You know, Sarah and I used to hike like this all the time. I wouldn’t say it was her favorite thing. She wasn’t a fan of the mosquitos and such. But she was a big climber, or scampering. That’s probably the right word. That girl, she’d see a big rock, and just…” He makes a noise with his mouth indicating that she would bolt right through the trees to climb it, “She woulda liked you and Birdie. Not to say you and Sarah are the same. Definitely different kids.”

Ellie asks, “How so?” Joel glances at her and says, “Well, she was a lot more, I wanna say girly. And I’m not sayin’ you’re not girly.” She shakes her head, “I’m not.” Joel agrees, “Yeah, you’re not. So that. She was taller. She had a killer smile. Again, not sayin’ that you don’t. But you know why I’d think she’d like you?” Ellie indulges him, “Why?” The answer was so simple, quick, and witty, Joel says, “‘Cause you’re funny. I think you would’ve made her laugh. Anyway, I bet you would’ve liked her back.” The teen next to you agrees, “Yeah, bet I would’ve.”

Eventually, you make it to the edge of the mountain top, looking over the view of the community of Jackson, and it is absolutely breathtaking. The breeze causes your skin to form goosebumps, and feel the tickle of the wind behind your neck. Joel takes a breath and says, “There ya go. Not much further now.” He continues walking and you start to follow but notice Ellie standing back, she calls out to him, “Hey, wait.” He stops and turns to face her, she curses, “Fuck.” Then takes a few steps closer to him, “Back in Kansas City, you asked me about the first time I killed someone. When I got bit in the mall, I wasn’t on my own. My best friend was there and she got bit, too.” Her admission causes her to falter a little bit before she says, “We don’t know what to do, and she says, ‘We can just wait it out, be all poetic and just lose our mind together. And then she did. And I had to… Her name was Riley and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess. And then Sam.”

You and Joel shook your heads, “That’s not on you,” he said and she tries to argue, “I know…” He cuts her off, “Look, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope. You can feel like you’ve come to an end and you don’t know what to do next. But if you just keep goin’ you find somethin’ new to fight for. And maybe that’s not what…” Abruptly, Ellie speaks up, “Swear to me. Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.” Joel doesn’t hesitate as he lies, unblinking as he replies, “I swear.” She doesn’t believe him. She knows he’s not telling the truth. But she nods, and says “Okay.”

You hold his hand in support, and then it's just too much, to know that the streets still run with blood. So he tries to push it down, but it comes back faster and harder, tides are changing on a dime. And he’s just trying to keep his head above the water. Surrender's just a word, till you try it out and see how hard it is to hurt with someone else around, you. He’s the worst he’s ever been afraid of almost everything. The skies are clear but storms are always coming. Your gift to him is just to be bracing for the winds he always summons. His home, his heart, thank God you are someone who loves him.

End Notes:

Holy shit this took WAY LONGER THAN EXPECTED THATS ON MEEEE IM SO SORRYYYYY!

ARE YOU OKAY?? GIRLIE YOU GOOD? THIS NEEDS EDITING LATER BUT I HOPE YOU ARE ALL WELL AND YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER! DRINK WATER! BREATHE!

Its was an ACCIDENT! I established in Chapter 1 that it was all vague and a mystery woOOoo bcs uhhh I don’t think I was supposed to already give that question an answer in the beginning of the series cuz why the heck would u still read this T^T Alsoooo cause you did trYYYyyy to but couldn’t (I.e Tess, Sam and Henry, you voicing out your protests to Kathleen, etc.) And as if you had any other option but to go with Joel, Ellie, and Tess to survive yk the Infected :,))

CONGRATS U MADE IT AND OMG YOU LITERALLY HAD THE CHOICE TO GO BACK TO YOUR OLD UNIVERSE BUT YOU STAYEDDD FOR LOVEEEEE HEHEHEHEH

The Birdie had bits and pieces of what happens in the game, and sHE TRIED TO SAVE THE DAMN SURGEON, but obviously, homie got shot in the head :)) So now she has to figure out a way to stop Abby without having the whole story OR INFOOOOO YAYYYYY

Even though you tried to tell him not to kill Marlene or the Doctor, that it would be the cause of his death. But he still did anyway, a choice that was already made the moment you both were ripped away from him. He was disassociating :,) which I relate to Joel bb

OKAY I MIGHT WRITE AN EPILOGUE BUT LOWKEY LET ME TAKE A NAP CUZ I’VE BEEN WRITING FOR ALMOST TWO DAYS STRAIGHT WITH NO COFFEE O_O

Anyways… AHEM… I LOVE ALL OF YOU SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH! LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I give you hugs and kisses, and cookies for being so incredibly patient and sticking with me for my first-ever multi-chapter fic. CRAZYYYY.

TAGLIST:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonder11 @syd-vixious @kidkrow666 @soulofapatrick @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale @slurmp69 @gyllord @aerangi @mac5323 @friskynotebook @earth-to-lottie @chaotic-imposter @kodzuvk @hawkins-2000 @reallysparklychaos @trust-dreamcatcher @darkened-writer @memeorydotcom @welcomebackfelicia @rainbowpitofdoom @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @marvelsimpcz @dorck26 @evienorville @munsons-queen @little-miss-bi @mxltifxnd0m @ohjoelmiller @coalix @taestrwbrry @avengersheart @gyllord @valentine-babe@missdragon-1 @ponyboys-sunsets @ipadkidsworld @otternanamilolo @issybee0611 @technicallysassyfox @cupcakemachete @manuchyy @darkened-writer @andyrazzledazzle @glossythor @virtueassassin @witchy-jadda @imonmykneessir @norr1e @mando-bix @thicficbich1 @adoringanakin @lalla-04p @reallysparklychaos @hollywoodmariposa @mando-bix @lunatic1012 @davosmymaster

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x poc!reader #joel miller tlou #joel miller series #joelmiller #joel miller x reader masterlist #joel miller x reader series #joel miller x reader au #joel miller x reader tlou #unevenodds #uneven odds joel miller #uneven odds #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x female reader

276 notes · View notes

oh1thehorror · 7 months

Text

Wrote a silly little fic about my best girl Ito and the trans experience :P I also wanted to explore the friendship between Jekyll and Ito, and Rachel and Ito.

This thing is filled with scientific and historical inaccuracy; it’s not a source of information, it’s a story. But I hope you enjoy because I enjoyed writing it ^^ ♥️

Category: Gen

Fandom: The Glass Scientists (Webcomic)

Relationships: Dr. Henry Jekyll & Virginia Ito, Rachel Pidgley & Virginia Ito

Characters: Virginia Ito, Rachel Pidgley, Dr. Henry Jekyll

Language: English

Word count:3,184

Summary: This won’t do, at all. She needs to investigate a solution to this feeling, naturally. Maybe if she can pinpoint the exact source of perplexity and worry, she can go about systematically and logically eradicating it? Yes, logic always works to help her calm down, just solving the problem like it is a maths equation or a chemical reaction can work wonders.

Wait. A chemical reaction?

OR Virginia Ito does some research- with the help of her two friends, Henry and Rachel. She also learns about acceptance along the way.

Can I prick your finger for science? (For self discovery?)

Ito doesn’t know what’s wrong.

She feels it; with every fibre of her being, brutal and cold, hugging at her shoulders and arms and stomach and legs, but she doesn’t know what it is. She’s been scrutinising it in the mirror for at least 10 minutes now- she’s wasting precious time when she should be studying- and she still can’t quite place her finger on it.

After all, there is no way it can be that same feeling of dread she’s been feeling for years, every time she looks in the mirror. No, it can’t, because she’s got long hair now, and everyone calls her Virginia, and ‘she’, and her life’s amazing because she can go out in amazing dresses.

But when she strips it all away, and stands with only soft linen covering her body, she feels something wrong. It makes her shameful, and a hint helpless, and she can’t stop looking at all the things wrong with her body.

Oh. It’s back. It’s stalking her. It’s not going away.

Which is honestly so rude of this feeling, curling itself dully in her stomach, trying to make her feel horrible about her body. How dare her mind play tricks on her and tell her she isn’t a woman? when she’s so clearly standing in front of the mirror, with shoulder length hair and a soft smile and a closet of warm colours that skirt her ankles.

This won’t do, at all. She needs to investigate a solution to this feeling, naturally. Maybe if she can pinpoint the exact source of perplexity and worry, she can go about systematically and logically eradicating it? Yes, logic always works to help her calm down, just solving the problem like it is a maths equation or a chemical reaction can work wonders.

Wait. A chemical reaction?

Of course, if the source the feeling stems from is this uncomfortableness in her own skin, is the doubt that she is really a girl because she looks like a boy beneath the layers of cotton and padding, then the solution would be to modify some part of her to change that, would it not? And is the human body not just a cluster of chemical reactions? Surely there was something organic that meant she was born this way, with spindly arms and a disappointingly flat chest, and differentiated her biologically from, say, Rachel? Right, and in such a case, all she would have to do is understand this compound to manufacture it artificially, and, in theory, once she’d prevented the compound in her body right now that made her look this way, and replaced it with said compound, it would work?

It seems too far-fetched, and Ito is a chemist, not a biologist. But then again, a society for rogue science seemed too far-fetched and yet here she was. What could she truly call impossible anymore?

“Doctor Jekyll?”

“Please, call me Henry.” He smiles at her, calm and practised, that same smile he’d given her the day he took her hand and led her to this palace of wonder. “Can I ask you a question?” She starts, looking up from the old notes he’d shown her, staring at him across the phials lined in metal on the table, one or two bubbling with some mediocre experiment she’d sought after to keep her excitement momentarily distracted.

“Of course you can, Ito.”

“You’re a biologist, right?” She approaches the subject cautiously, like she’d learnt to over the years, after the rejection and disgust of her own people, frowning in some places over her conduct towards the incoming topic, of the eagerness to change into something they thought her not. But they are gone now- and despite England itself being so uninviting too- something tells her, maybe, she can find peace here.

“I have studied biology and medicine, this is correct.” Henry raises a tentative eyebrow, as if contemplating her words, and what she may ask of him.

“Well…I’ve been thinking.” Pause.

“This is the perfect place for that, go ahead.” His ease relaxes her shoulders slightly, but there’s still the edge of fear about what he might do when she next asks, “This is an absurd topic,” Ito prefaces hastily, nerves getting the better of her.

“We’re rogue scientists, I’m sure it’s not too absurd.”

“But, say a..if a man wanted to appear as a woman- likewise, a woman wanted to appear as a man- and by this I mean, sound like, feel like, look like; is there, hypothetically speaking, some sort of biological chemical which differentiates the two and could potentially be…replaced?”

Henry studies her face carefully for a moment after she’s finished speaking. She cannot bring herself to meet his eyes, lest she find disgust or anger there like she had so many months ago, but she is certainly aware of his measured movements, of the stiff way he gives her his full attention and places his hands on the desk. Hot shame flushes her cheeks and regret roils inside of her, threatening to tear open her heart.

But then, respite, as he sighs softly. “Yes, I suppose.” Henry explains carefully, taking a seat opposite her. It’s all Ito can do to keep her breath from catching and her hands still. She glances up at Henry (mentor, kind of saviour, friend), and studies his eyes for a moment or two to find no hate all- surprisingly- just confusion and some concern.

“Biologically speaking, development of gendered characteristics begins when a child comes of age- when their body begins producing amounts of substances called hormones. Female hormones produce the desired effects of a woman’s body and emotion. Male hormones produce a deeper voice, more hair, a difference in emotion- anything that is different between me and you, is different because of the levels of each of these chemicals in our bodies. However, Ito, there is not much more I can tell you about them. They are a fairly new discovery, with very little knowledge surrounding the subject.”

Silence befalls them when Henry finishes talking, and Ito thinks on his words for a while. Soon, the atmosphere grows awkward, stiflingly so, and she can feel the way Henry’s gaze worries over her with healing curiosity.

“Forgive me for asking,” he clears his throat, voice stilted, weary. “What sort of research do you plan on undergoing?”

“I’m studying change.” Ito replies, somewhat uneasily.

“Change how?”

She panics, glancing away and racking her mind for the best way to explain. So far, and by his reaction, Henry has in no real way given her reason to worry at all, or let the feeling of her stomach roiling with fear latch itself to her. It infects her now, though, like growing disease, and she really dreads her downfall if she so much as opens her mouth.

“My hair wasn’t always this long.” She murmurs softly, a hand instinctively hovering near her hairdo. She meets his eyes begrudgingly, if somewhat fearful, and begs him silently to understand what she means. The last time she said it out loud, a world seemed to end.

Henry opens his mouth as if to press further, ask again because he didn’t quite understand. But then, she spies understanding dawning in his eyes like resolute kindness, and he nods gently, some semblance of a reassurance playing the smile on his lips. Something eases in Ito’s chest, like the world has lifted its fear from her shoulders.

“I see.” Is what he says next. “I won’t pry. But..” He looks like he’s contemplating something for a moment or two. Ito holds her breath, waits for ‘but I wouldn’t want you in the Society anymore’ or ‘but such conduct is improper and you’ll always be a male beneath it all.’ What she gets is; “You’re safe here. And so is your secret with me, if you want me to keep it.”

“Please do.” She answers hurriedly, anxiety still ebbing at her skin, she’s so sure her ears are deceiving her.

Again, Henry gives her a nod and that smile. “For what it is, you are a really courageous young lady, Virginia. And I’d hate for anyone to harm you so, if you find yourself ever in trouble, please don’t be afraid to speak to me.”

Ito lets out a shuddering breath at that, and the last whispers of panic fall away like snow sliding from glass. Henry’s smile is genuine, and that seeps out into his words, the way he looks at her like he means what he has said. Ito cannot seem to comprehend it, but at the same time, what is there to imagine?

“Thank you.” She feels something like tears blur her eyes and wipes them away hurriedly. ‘Lady.’ She seems to realise belatedly, as she sits there and looks at him. ‘He called me a lady.’ Her heart skips a beat, and then Henry chuckles slightly, getting up from his seat and returning to his work. “You’re very welcome, Virginia. I wish you the best of luck in your research and change. I’m sure you’ll do some marvellous things.”

Previously, Ito had convinced herself- ever since that fated day she left Japan and never looked back at the faces of the ‘family’ who hated her- that she would not rely on the validation of others for her comfort or happiness; that she was a woman no matter whatever anyone said or did or called her. She still retains that sentimentality, of course, but Henry’s words loosened something against her heart.

It felt good to be seen for who she really was.

Her mentor’s words had left her puzzled, she will admit. The substance she was looking for certainly existed biologically, but contemporary discovery meant that there was very little information on it, despite her searching for hours in local libraries for any type of biological papers on the topic. It made Ito somewhat distraught and her patience thin in some places, but the prior feeling of dread that had her so disgusted with herself had dulled down to manageable, so at least that was a plus.

Her excitement had been insatiable so that she sprung to work as soon as she could, grabbing her cloak and making for the libraries on foot, after she’d assessed every book on human biology available within the Society itself. The walk had served another purpose too; Henry’s reassurances had left her head reeling oh so delighted, but paranoia had followed it and some good old, polluted air was in order to clear her thoughts.

It hadn’t done much; perhaps given her space for a few epiphanies, none of which she could really claim because most of her walk was just the numb thought of hiding herself, of the way Henry had reacted with the most genuine attitude, of whether or not he meant it at all and she was truly safe.

This was proving quite difficult. Perhaps it would be safest for her to fall back on that mentality; if Jekyll did tell the other Lodgers (she doubts he would, inside, he’s too kind-), and they all gave her difficulty for it; well, it wasn’t new to her, was it? Would it hurt like her ‘family’? She doubts it, with how new this all is to her. Alas, no matter their reaction, she’d stick to her ideology through the thick and thin of it; once it came down to it, Ito didn’t need anyone to love herself.

As she traverses the hallways of the Society, back up the winding steps to her laboratory, she spots Henry midway to her room, walking somewhat briskly. For a moment, Ito is shocked (she’s not sure why; he is the leader of this place, after all- it’s only natural for the man to be working), but then she regains her composure and he waves warmly at her. “Good afternoon, Virginia. Is your research going well?”

“Well, not…I don’t have much information.” She replies, trying to avoid stuttering as her thoughts slot appropriately and calmly back into a coherent fashion. The way he treated her, his words, the distinct calmness in his voice of speaking to a friend made it impossible to think that she had worried over him betraying her like that. He did, after all, vow to her safety. (Who's to say he’ll be the only one like this? Is there good to this world?)

“Then you get your own information.” He reassures, and Ito’s mind stills, focuses solely on her project. He’s right; this is her passion and she won’t spend it worrying away about the possible perceptions of herself from others. “Is that not what rogue science is?” She finishes, not missing a single beat.

Henry smiles at her. ‘Yes.’ She thinks. ‘Acceptance is possible.’

Exasperated, but with newfound energy, Ito pushes open the door to her lab, fingers already coming up to frantically undo the broach holding her cloak around her shoulders.

She hisses in abrupt pain as something pinches her finger, and when she draws back, there is red beading at the very tip of her forefinger. It seems she was too frantic, because now she is bleeding lightly.

Ito rolls her eyes, sucking on the blood flow to stop it whilst she hangs her cloak up. Then, she walks over to her desk, arrayed with notes and the stray pages of copied out biology papers, a few phials nested amongst them.

Hold on. Blood.

She draws her finger back expectantly, and frowns down at it for a moment before something clicks. Of course! Blood transports every substance in the human body one way or another, and therefore must include hormones. The logical solution would be to study the reactions of human blood to distil it and gain a better understanding of the substance hidden within it.

Ito takes a clean phial and holds it under the running drip of her pricked finger, letting some of the liquid gather enough so she can test it.

Now, she wonders; will blood from other people breed the same results as her own?

“Rachel!” Ito calls out, hurrying down the corridor as she spots the day manager, strolling about. Rachel looks up with a confused squint of her eyes, and then smiles when she clocks Ito’s excitable figure walking towards her.

“Hello Virginia, I trust your day is going well.”

“Why yes, thank you. It quite is; it’s going fairly better because you’re just the person I need right now.”

Ito swears Rachel looks a hint nervous at her words, something red at her cheeks. It’s only faint. “I see. What would you need me for?”

“Can I prick your finger?” Ito asks, without quite thinking it through, far too excited about the breakthrough she’s looking for. If Henry’s previous words are anything to go by, to study the differences between what makes a female and a male, she’d need a sample or two of blood that wasn’t hers. And Rachel had been one of the kindest people to her since she’d arrived. And this really didn’t seem like a crazy request. Nope.

Mmhmm.

Oops.

Rachel gives her a weary look at this, eyes scrunching slightly at the corners. She seems slightly taken aback and yet not too surprised. “You want to prick my finger? For?”

“A blood sample; I’m researching something.” Ito beams, trying not to let embarrassment consume her, though she’s sure her cheeks are burning scarlet.

“Well,” Rachel blinks, and it seems to fall into place, now. Perhaps she was used to this sort of request from the other Lodgers? “I certainly prefer that wording…what are you researching?”

“Change.” Ito replies as easily and steadily as she could. She’s not wrong; it’s what she’d told Henry. But she doesn’t quite want this to escalate like that conversation had- not yet at least. Not from paranoia or anxiety but…she doesn’t know. It’s ok.

“The changes in biological structure.” She finishes, explaining away the blush on her cheeks somewhat proudly. Rachel chuckles softly. “I see. Well, yes, I suppose you can prick my finger.”

Ito gives a nod of thanks. “But Ito, please, next time just ask for a blood sample.”

Virginia blinks owlishly. “Asking someone to prick their finger is so much more fun.”

Rachel rolls her eyes in mock annoyance but there is no real hint of the emotion there.

Ito’s heart flutters at the encounter. With time, she finds that perhaps, she can tell Rachel.

“Henry…” Ito greets her mentor, one morning over a cup of tea, with the sweetest smile she could possibly muster because she’ll be very close to figuring this out and cannot contain her hope. Also, because she loves making Henry confused but unrelated.

Henry lifts an eyebrow in confusion. “Virginia?” He prompts cautiously, placing his teacup back on its saucer. The ceramic clinks against itself. “I have a request.”

“This early in the day?” Henry huffs lightheartedly, “What would you like?”

“Can I prick your finger? For science?” Ito doesn’t give herself time to hesitate, holds up a finger innocently in demonstration and stares Henry down.

He stares back, eyes wide in half suprise, but honestly, what was he expecting? “Pardon me, please rephrase that?”

“I would like a blood sample…for my research.” Ito elaborates, sheepishly shrugging her shoulders and lowering her hands.

“Well,” Henry sighs, his familiar smile making home on his lips. “Certainly an odd way to ask.”

“You and Rachel are no fun.” Ito informs him as he goes back to sipping his tea.

“Yes, yes. You can have a blood sample, Miss Ito.”

Ito is sure she’s spent more time than strictly necessary and healthy in close proximity to her desk, writing out notes and observations, so much so that it’s maybe the early hours of the morning.

Her lab, and herself, right now, are not the prettiest of things they could be; dyes staining the cuffs of her dress shirt- she’ll keep this one for experiments, she supposes; table scattered with filter parchment and observation reports; frantic notes scribbled into her book in hopes of her groundbreaking discovery.

She is right on its door- so much so that she can feel the end of her days dreading her dress, or her hair, or the mirror. It’s at her fingertips now, with distilled blood smeared over pages and dyed to identify the substances.

She’s pinned the chemical structure, the slight differences between female and male. The blurred line in between is tangible. Anything like this is tangible, truly: all she needs is the correct chemicals, varying amounts of carbon and water and phosphates, the make-up of her wants.

What she’s really missing is none of that; just to scrutinise it long enough until all her pieces fall together in the puzzle, slot into a wider picture and give her the right scope.

Bingo.

‘Well,’ She thinks, as it all lines up and the melody flourishes with the final shift in view and recipe. ‘This- change- is who I am.’

Ito smiles. It’s maybe the widest she’d ever smiled. She can’t wait to tell Henry.

#the glass scientists #tgs #the glass scientists fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #tgs henry jekyll #tgs rachel #tgs ito #trans fem character

42 notes · View notes

captainwholecake · 2 years

Note

May I have a headcanon for Ace, Law and Luffy react to having a s/o who is a smart scientist???

a/n: Law would be into it tell me otherwise

warnings: Ace and Law being into it with no context given what so ever

——

Portgas D. Ace

* someone please tell me where this is from exactly because it’s so fucking cute I love him 🥺🥺

This himbo of a man would absolutely be into it

He would think of it being fucking cool

Absolutely wil brag about how smart his s/o is too

Strongly into the lab coat

most likely would try to get his s/o test shit on him and they would be like NOO

like that child having a knife vine/meme type of bullshit

I imagine it would like dexters lab situation with dexters sister being ace and all

Probably be in the corner when his s/o is working on stuff

the small part of me who loves seeing this man sulk is in tears rn

Marco and Thatch definitely had to physically hold him back so he doesn’t bother his s/o a few times

Thatch would want some science action to see if would make his cooking *chef kiss* level like isn’t already

I believe he steals his s/o lab coats

Trafalgar Law

* y’all see that tiktok of someone saying every time they draw laws hands they want to you know to put c*m coming off his fingers and its to the CONNOR! military sounding audio or whatever ? Anyways

Couples who science together say together

HES A DOCTOR HE DOES HALF THAT SHIT ANYWAYS

Would still be really into it tho

Probably because I see him being really into trying to use him doctor shit on his s/o and it not working because you know but despite that he’s really into it for some reason

Law and s/o definitely joined forces for certain things like idk meds

he started wearing lab coats and shit because of them

AJDJEJD I’m imagining him talking to Rosie or some shit in this head going see what you did to me you bastard you got me

Penguin and Shachi definitely tease him for this

(Looks up shachi to make sure I spelled his correct) (sees what happened post wano 🫥🫥)

Bepo just confused and only ikkaku of all the other members knows whats up (SHES A QUEEN OKAY)

I genuinely don’t know what else to say OHHH

Do you think he would tell his s/o about his white lead disease

Monkey D. Luffy

* the moment I find where this is from its over for you bitches

this himbo but not the same level as his brother would think it would the coolest fucking thing in the world

LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME IM WRONG

Chopper and his s/o are besties no context needed

*loud banging fist on table* Do you think he would wrap his hands around his s/o’s waist or you know something like that and ask them everything but in a really polite way because he’s genuinely curious about it ????

I DIDNT PLAN TO SIMP FOR LUFFY IN THIS LISTEN TO ME ON THIS PLEASE

I feel like every one on the crew would be surprised expect for robin and jimbei (that reminds me I need to repost a reel I saw on insta related to my robinxfranky agenda)

Wears his s/os lab coats for fun (like wearing your s/os jacket you know)

AJDJD IMAGINE during the time Law was with them after punk hazard and hes sees Luffy wearing one and is majorly confused

He’d probably think he was going crazy then nami or someone explains to him the situation

I feel like I made Luffy’s more like Ace and Ace’s more like Luffy with how they would act

Uhh their brothers so it doesn’t matter

All around, mans would love his s/o and their profession for multitude of reasons

#one piece #one piece imagines #one piece scenarios #one piece scenario #one piece headcanons #monkey d luffy x reader #monkey d. luffy #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d ace #trafalgar d. water law #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar law #anime imagine #anime imagines #one piece x reader #straw hats #straw hat pirates

472 notes · View notes

topguncortez · 1 year

Text

A Little bit of Science | Over the Rainbow Series

previous part | Masterlist | Next Part

Dragon & Rooster Masterlist | Opposites Attract Masterlist

✧ synopsis: The Bradshaws decide to take the next step into becoming parents.

✧ word count: 1.2k

✧ warnings: pregnancy, IVF, medical jargon, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of stillbirth, PTSD

When Rooster and Dragon first started their journey into parenthood, they didn’t mind that it was taking longer to get pregnant. Their careers were both taking off since becoming a permanent fixture on North Island. Dragon was taking all the missions that fell into her lap, and Rooster was enjoying his time teaching future TopGun pilots. Rooster was proud that she had gotten promoted to Lieutenant Commander, and was one of the front runners for captain. He was right behind her, getting promoted about a month after.

But now their careers were starting to settle out a bit, and their friends were focusing on having families. Dragon and Rooster decided to start on their own, but were met with harsh roadblocks that neither one thought would happen. Rooster at first, thought it was something wrong with him. But after numerous doctors appointments and tests, it had been determined to be another cause of PCOS, something Dragon had been plagued with from a young age.

Dragon’s leg bounced relentlessly as Rooster sat in the chair beside the exam table, as calm and cool as ever. He flipped through some parenting magazine, occasionally letting out a hum of interest. Dragon hated how calm he was during these appointments. She hated his ability to just sit back and read magazines or play Candy Crush on his phone while they waited. But he wasn’t the one being shot up with needles and having to lay back and spread his legs. Dragon rolled her eyes as Rooster let out another “hmm” and flipped the page.

“You’re too calm,” Dragon said.

“And you’re too nervous,” Rooster said, closing the magazine and leaning over to look at his wife, “I can feel it honey, this is our time.”

“And what if it isn’t?” She asked, looking down at the thin paper covering that hid her exposed lower half. She wore the same itchy paper gown like always. Rooster folded her clothing neatly and put it in the seat beside him. They had gotten good at this, and created a sort of system so Dragon didn’t feel too exposed while getting ready for her doctor, “What if it doesn’t take?”

“What if they do take?” Rooster said and Dragon rolled her eyes again.

“This is our 3rd round, Bradley,” Rooster grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. When they started their IVF journey, they were grossly misinformed on how hard it was going to be. Their very first round had ended in a failed transfer due to a cyst on Dragon’s ovary. The second transfer had been successful, but ended in a stillbirth at 24 weeks. Now, they were trying for a third time, hoping that Doctor Miracle lived up to her name.

“I don’t have that many eggs left, and I don’t think I can stand going through all this again to get nothing,” Tears started to spring into her eyes and Rooster moved quickly to wipe them away.

“Hey, hey,” Rooster said, “We have other options, okay.”

Dragon looked down at their conjoined hands and let the silent tears fall down her face. Another thing that they don’t talk about with IVF, is the fear after failure. Dragon, so badly, wanted to try again, but fear had taken over her body. Rooster did his best to try and maintain optimism for her, but there was no greater enemy than one’s own mind.

“I can’t ask that of my sister, or of our friends,” Dragon said. Phoenix and Val had both offered to be a surrogate for them if needed. Dragon felt so overwhelmed with their offer, and turned them both down. Pregnancy was no easy feat on the body, and she felt like she couldn’t risk them to carry a baby for her.

“There’s more than just that,” Rooster said.

Dragon let out a sigh, “Sometimes I wish I was normal. Could’ve done this the. . . right way?”

“The right way?”

“Yeah, you know. . . natural conception,” Dragon gestured to the poster on the wall that depicted how sperm traveled through the uterus in search of an egg to fertilize.

Rooster looked at it and scoffed, “Well then explain Jesus? Mary was a total virgin and shot a kid out of her.”

Dragon rolled her eyes laughing at her husband, “That’s the immaculate conception. I would take that over having to do . . . all this.” She waved her hand around the exam room.

“Hey,” Rooster kissed her hand, “Sometimes, you need a little science to make something amazing. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. You aren’t any less a mother because of it.” Dragon smiled and nodded at her husband’s words. He always made sure that Dragon understood that she was a mother. Even though their babies weren’t living on the earth with them, they were still parents to two beautiful heavenly babies.

Rooster pressed a quick peck to Dragon’s lips as the door opened and Doctor Miller, aka Doctor Miracle walked in, a bright smile on her face. She had come highly recommended from Dragon’s usual GYN. Doctor Miller took on the tough cases, on the cases that most doctors wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. She usually specialize in geriatric pregnancies, but she had a soft spot for Dragon and Rooster.

“Okay,” Doctor Miller said and set her laptop down on the counter beside her. She radiated with a warm vibe that Dragon sometimes hated. She reminded Rooster of his mother in some ways, “I am very, very hopeful about this. We took 14, out of the 32 we had left. We fertilized all of them, and we had 10 successfully split.”

“That’s good,” Rooster said, and looked over at his wife, “We haven’t had that many.”

“I know,” Doctor Miller said, “After the first 2 weeks, we currently have six, ready for transfer and insemination.”

“Six?” Dragon said hopeful, “Th-that’s a lot,”

“I know, it’s a lot,” Doctor Miller said, “We’ll still start with the implantation of two embryos, like we have been. Are you ready for this? There’s a possibility you could be pregnant with twins-”

“Or none,” Dragon muttered and Doctor Miller smiled sadly. Rooster reached for his wife’s hand and squeezed it in his own.

“I don’t like to give false hope to patients so I don’t,” Doctor Miller started but turned on her laptop, “These are your recent labs, all your hormone levels are within the normal range, and if you stay on the prenatals and hormone inducers. . . I am very hopeful.”

Dragon nodded and looked over at Rooster, “Okay. I’m ready.”

The Bradshaws scheduled the transfer for a week from now, giving Dragon enough time to prepare for the next chapter in their lives. It was terrifying as she laid awake that night, a hand on her flat belly. Rooster rolled over on his side, slinging his arm around her waist and pulling her in close. A smile ghosted her lips as his hand found hers, and intertwined their fingers. Suddenly, there was a fuzzy feeling in Dragon’s chest as she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. She could see from the soft glow of the nightlight by his side of the bed, as a lazy smile rose on his face.

“Luh you, honey,” Rooster mumbled.

“I love you too,” Dragon whispered and turned her head back to the ceiling. She slowly drifted off the sleep and dreamed of what their future child would look like.

taglist: @princess76179 @bradleybeachbabe @yanna-banana @xoxabs88xox @milestomaverick @startrekfangirl2233 @caitsymichelle13 @peakascum @seitmai

taglist form

✧ note: I plan I posting more Opposites Attract in the next couple weeks! I have a Bob & Bea fic, A Phoenix & Cerberus Fic, and of course more Dragon & Rooster :) Send in requests if ya got 'em!

207 notes · View notes

voidmountain · 2 months

Text

@piratedllama I can but you’re not going to like it!

Void’s guide to getting a job in conservation

My story

My educational credentials: BAs in philosophy and creative writing from a big cheap state school, and a PhD in English literature with a specialization in environmental humanities from a small private R1. Couple years as an adjunct professor.

I trained my entire life to be a literature professor. It’s all I ever wanted. By the time I was finishing my doctorate, I had a very limiting belief that I was either over- or underqualified for any job outside academia. I was wrong.

By the time I made the decision to leave academia, I had published 2.5 peer reviewed academic articles and several magazine pieces. I also had about 5ish years of part-time communications consulting under my belt from helping run the writing center at my institution. I got a part-time social media/SEO management gig, and then used a grant to fund a comms internship at a local environmental nonprofit. Then I straight up just applied to jobs at conservation orgs on LinkedIn at a rate or 5 per week for about 6 months. I was looking for jobs in communications and education. Landed a couple interviews then got a position as a comms manager. My islander heritage ended up being relevant too bc I have a cultural insight into the regions where the org works. I’ve worked here for about a year, mostly wfh desk stuff, but I like to tag along to projects so I can take pics/do interviews/help with fieldwork/coordinate community meetings & info sessions. I still have a publishing career on the side, with 2 new articles out and a book manuscript in the works.

I do not recommend doing it this way lol.

What I would do instead

Conservation orgs have room for people with all kinds of backgrounds and expertise. If your goal is to have a job similar to mine, get lots of writing and science communication experience. Be able to show that you’ve built impactful campaigns and learn your way around SEO and communications terminology. Start with internships/social media, try and get some experience working with journalists, and have a nice portfolio of campaigns (easy way to start is an awareness campaign for a particular policy or science issue). Other creative experience is a plus (photography/graphic design/web design/UI).

Fieldwork is not that hard to get into. You can get field experience as an undergrad by working in research labs or volunteering. From there, lots of conservation orgs in your area are probably looking for volunteers or part-time workers to do field monitoring. TBH you don’t really need a degree to get into fieldwork, but the ceiling is kind of low without one. With a BS you can work your way up through an org probably to a manager level position where you could lead a field team but not direct a program. Generally, without a MS or PhD, you won’t be designing programs—just carrying them out, which can be really rewarding. You can also make lateral moves towards things like project management—coordinating supplies, transportation, methods, and problem-solving stuff.

Other ways to get into the field: orgs often contract out conservation tech companies to carry out specialized operations, like aerial monitoring and bait distribution. Getting a license for like a heavy-lift drone, an ROV, or boat stuff can also get you in the thick of it.

If you want to design and direct conservation programs, unfortunately you probably need to go to grad school. I can write up a separate post about how to decide whether to pursue an advanced degree if people are interested, but my general advice is Never Enroll In A Masters Program. Either do it as a 4+1 with your undergrad or go straight for the PhD. That’s where you’ll get experience designing your own experiments and contributing to the sum of conservation knowledge.

Extremely important caveat

You do not have to do any of these things in any particular order. It’s totally cool to work in the field for a couple years before going back for the PhD. You also do not need to link your education to your job (god knows I didn’t). My side hobbies of wildlife photography and scuba diving made me a great candidate for the job I eventually got, and they didn’t have anything to do with my degree or original career path. There’s also a million other jobs that conservation orgs have that don’t involve having a science background at all—HR, finance, admin, philanthropy, consulting, & policy analysis are huge parts of this. So are other jobs that aren’t *within* conservation at all, like journalism & social organizing.

A lot of folks I meet out here in the conservation world are on their third or fourth careers. It’s very, very normal to switch it up, try many things, land somewhere, leave, and pick up somewhere else.

All this to say: the world is really, really big. Don’t feel pressured to take the shortest most linear possible path. There are a million ways to have a good life.

#conservation #environmentalism #job advice #wildlife conservation #alt-AC #humanities PhD

14 notes · View notes

avatar-anna · 2 years

Note

Hi! I don’t know if you take requests or suggestions so I’m very sorry if this is crossing a line, but I wanted to say that I’d love to read about how Harry told his friends and family about professor. Especially after I read that one about Harry working on Matilda and Mitch not knowing what’s going on with him. Again, I’m sorry if this is crossing a line 🥹

no lines crossed at all!

I think in the aftermath of Professor and Harry falling out, his friends and family could tell something was wrong, but he wouldn’t open up to anyone.

AND THEN when a year later he’s suddenly much happier seemingly over night, everyone’s truly baffled. They notice he’s on his phone a lot and he’s suddenly taking trips to New York, and maybe Jeff catches a heart next to a contact name, but he thinks nothing of it because when could he have possibly met a professor?

There’s probably a group chat that Harry isn’t a part of where they all theorize what or who has him in such high spirits again, but they come up empty.

It isn’t until Harry’s tour in the UK starts that he finally introduces Professor to everyone. It’s the night before the Manchester show, and everyone is at Anne’s house, and Harry’s running late (because he just has to show her all the places he spent growing up), so everyone is already gathered together when the two of them walk in hand and hand. Harry is all smiley as he leads her into the house and introduces her to each person there. “This is Dr. Y/n Y/l/n, my girlfriend.”

And of course Professor is nervous and shy and worries about saying the wrong thing, but when Harry keeps calling her “doctor” she nudges his arm and tells him he doesn’t need to call her that.

“Would you let me show off, please?” is all he has to say to that.

And the whole house is quiet in absolute shock. They all knew that Harry was more than likely seeing someone, but they didn’t quite expect Professor. His friends and family know his dating history, and she doesn’t exactly fit the bill. None of them dislike her, they’re just surprised he’s holding hands with someone like her.

Gemma is the first to speak, seeing that his brother’s girlfriend is fully aware that no one is saying anything, and she can see Professor tense with each passing minute. So she just loops her arm through Professor’s and asks, “So are you a medical doctor?” And when Professor explains that she’s a professor at Columbia (she hasn’t moved back to Cambridge yet), Gemma says, “And you’re with him?”

Harry frowns, but he’s immensely grateful on the inside because his sister was easing the tense set between Professor’s shoulders.

Professor, of course, sometimes has a hard time detecting sarcasm, so she takes Gemma’s question seriously and says something like, “Yes. He’s very kind,” and to Anne she says, “You raised a remarkable person.”

The atmosphere shifts a little after that, and everyone wants to get to know the person who stole H’s heart. Harry’s there the whole time so Professor doesn’t feel ambushed, but she never does and is just as eager to get to know his family.

There are moments throughout the night where everyone is kind of just stunned by Professor. Like at one point there’s a conversation happening and someone jokes, “It’s not rocket science!” And Professor super casually just says, “You know, I’ve studied aerospace engineering and astrodynamics, and I found other fields of science much more difficult, but I suppose rocket science sounds more challenging than physics.”

Harry chuckles because he understands her humor at this point, and he finds it cute that of course rocket science comes easy to her, but the room is once again consumed by silence until someone asks, “What, exactly, do you have a doctorate in?”

She rattles off her degrees and a little about her background, but not too much because she doesn’t like diving into how she’d been practically forced to learn a lot of the stuff she knows early on.

Once again, everyone is kind of confused as to how Professor and Harry met, and possibly even what they talk about when they’re alone together. They’re so different from each other, how on earth do they work?

But Anne can see it, because a mother always knows. She notices how Professor’s hand is constantly reaching for Harry’s, or how she catches Professor gazing at Harry and blushing before looking away again. Professor is absolutely smitten, and one look at her son tells Anne that he feels the exact same.

Funnily enough, I think Professor gravitates the most toward Mitch. Professor loves to learn, and while Mitch doesn’t appear like the academic type, he’s very talented in his field, and she loves to pick people’s brains about what they’re passionate about. And she’s drawn to his quieter disposition (and possibly the fact that they’re the two Americans in a group of British people), and she probably sits and talks to him the most outside of Anne.

Professor knows she could probably deduce every detail about these people’s lives with a few glances, but she tries not to, wanting to get to know them organically, though when she mentions her field of teaching to someone, everyone is immediately like, “Like that show! Can you tell what color socks I’m wearing or some shit like that?”

Harry wants to put an end to that before it begins because he knows Professor doesn’t like feeling like a circus act or source of entertainment, but she just smiles behind her glass of wine and says, “Maybe.”

In Harry’s opinion, the night couldn’t have gone better, and as he and Professor are leaving his mother’s house, everyone tells him how much they like her and how happy they are for him. He can’t contain his grin because while he knew how incredible Professor, he’s over the moon that other people see it too. I think more than anything, Harry wants to show Professor that there are good people out there who don’t see her as a freak or only see value in her intelligence. He wants so badly for his family to become hers, if only because she deserves to be loved by more than just him. She deserves a family.

And she doesn’t tell him, but Professor thinks she found one in his.

#harry styles #harry styles x professor yn #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic

362 notes · View notes

theriu · 2 years

Text

In case anyone needs to hear this tonight:

Please don’t hate your body. You are more than your body, but your body is important. It may get confused or scared or send wrong signals, it may be afflicted by incorrect processes, it may be damaged, but it is YOURS. It may not fit some ideal the world has tried to fit all bodies into, but it is YOURS. It was entrusted to you. It is precious. No matter how broken or confused parts of it may be at times, it is yours. It is precious. You are precious.

Your mind is connected to your body. How we think can indeed affect our bodies. I don’t mean that believing something a certain way will MAKE it happen, but science has proved again and again that we can retrain our thoughts to be better (even if they arent perfect); we can learn optimism and empathy even though we struggle with them; we can deny sensations and urges we know are wrong or harmful. We can care for our bodies, for ourselves, without hating our bodies or ourselves.

Your body is not against you. It is your cradle, your vessel. It doesn’t know anything expect “protect the body and the person in the body,” and sometimes it needs help because it doesn’t realize its attempts to protect you are broken, are hurting you. The corruption of this world can damage the body, but it’s still TRYING. Sometimes it tries so hard that it hurts more. Sometimes it’s a small child that needs you to lovingly hug it and tell it you’re okay, everything will be okay.

Please love your body. Please put away the sharp blades, the harmful drugs, the surgeries that remove healthy parts because the body or mind is confused and thinks it shouldn’t have them. It’s okay to need help, whether from doctors or counselors or pastors. The pain or depression or anxiety or disability or whatever you’re dealing with is hard, it’s so hard, it’s okay that you struggle with it! But please don’t give up on your body. Sometimes things pass, and sometimes God leads us to new ways of living that turn even the worst problems into sources of light.

Please, don’t hurt your body. Please, don’t abandon your body. We need you here. It’s not your time yet. And if you have hurt your body, I promise, I promise: There is still hope. The Healer can make beautiful things out of dust and ashes. It’s not too late. It’s never too late while you still have breath in your lungs.

The Lord God made you. He loves you. He has not abandoned you. He knows every ache and pain and fear. He offers HIS strength to get you through this hard time. He doesn’t condemn you for finding it hard. He understands it may take you time to fully trust Him. He isn’t going anywhere. He isn’t giving up on you. Please don’t give up on yourself.

You are so, so very loved. Please, know that it is okay to love yourself, too.

———

“Just as a father loves his children, so the Lord loves those who fear and worship Him [with awe-filled respect and deepest reverence]. For He knows our [mortal] frame; He remembers that we are [merely] dust.”

— Psalm 103:13-14 (AMP)

“For You formed my innermost parts; You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb.

I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being formed in secret, and intricately and skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were appointed for me, when as yet there was not one of them [even taking shape].

“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

If I could count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.”

—Psalm 139:13-18 (AMP)

#love #body positivity #prayers #bible verses #God #Jesus #you are loved

187 notes · View notes

noomycatz · 22 days

Text

no name for this au yet but its just my take on a mobius/klein switcharoo

so, once upon a time, there was an actually ethical think tank. they did their science and whatnot, but klein? he wasn’t satisfied! he wanted MORE science! he knew there were plenty of things to do that didn’t involve mountains of paperwork to get approval for first.

mobius tried to sway him back onto the right path but he wouldn’t listen. the rest of the think tank tolerated him for the most part, heck, they even participated in some morally wrong experiments themselves, but then that SHITHEAD had to go and RUIN it all by teleporting the freakin mountain ! they staged a coup against him and sent him out to the forbidden dome zone . mobius sent his scorpions after that little shit to keep him inside .

they had EXILED him for his wild ideas. “The world isn’t ready for that kind of too-far thing taking,” they said. Idiots! he’d get his revenge…

he grew obsessed with the idea. the world simply wasn’t ready for the genius in his mind. he needed to show them all, to shove his ideas down their throats. hed show them all.

especially MOBIUS.

^ please imagine that with all the contempt and hatred and malice and suppressed gay feelings you can muster.

a year before the bomb dropped he sabotaged the lobotomite experiment (they had actually managed to successfully lobotomize most of them) and turned them into the good ol lobotomites we know and love :)

the freak tank really thought they could keep him under wraps. even with the constant bombardment of threats from the FORBIDDEN ZONE!

eventually he had enough of them not taking him seriously. he decided to PROVE his genius by EXTRACTING his brain and PUTTING IT INTO A THINK TANK and LIVING FOREVER, therefore marking him as THE GREATEST SCIENTIST TO EVER LIVE.

“Finally! FINALLY!” he exclaimed, “I can show them all their wrongness with my genius! They’ll see!”

the self lobotomy destroyed his rationality and pretty much most of whatever personality he had left. he then began to do stuff that could be described as evil. his ✨twisted✨sense of science began to make experiments that would make even the master blush.

at the end of it all, he released the lobotomites unto the crater, sealing their fate.

not like, the think tanks fate, just all of them in general.

unbeknownst to our humble doctor the recently installed pacification field was on the fritz again, and the lobotomites swarmed in like spongebobs to the necta i mean buzzards to a corpse. they were just sitting ducks!

so, lo and behold, the great mighty think tank lost to some brain dead imbeciles with a knack for violence.

dr klein was not informed of this.

he just kept on doing his thang in the forbidden zone, and so did the robo scorpions, still fulfilling their duty

endless patrolling endless experiments endless days and nights of waiting

the bombs dropped. the years went by. wine bottle after bottle.

meanwhile in the sink:

https://youtu.be/sJ-zvPIYnBQ?si=Tyw4frlXtxlm5C_6

youtube

but now, the courier hath arrived in the crater! the process goes as usual, but with nobody to greet them. they get word from the sink personalities of whats going on

and its up to them

kill the fool or teach him the error of his ways?

mind you, he hasn’t exactly turned “senile old man” over the years. imagineyourself in his… shoes? tank? filled with hatred, wishing sweet death death death upon those who have wronged you, never getting it, always trapped

or don’t imagine it- up to you

good luck >:P

that’s all i got for now i hope you like it

#old world blues #dr klein #dr mobius #au idea #noomy rambles

14 notes · View notes

justrainandcoffee · 8 months

Text

Daughter (Alfie Solomons x fem!oc) ~ Final + Epilogue.

Alfie Solomons x Rose Coldwell (ofc) Masterlist

Summary: Alfie and Rose are about to face the most difficult time of their lives. But they are not alone, because little Allie is there to be with them. Now and 18 years into the future, too.

Warnings: Some parts could be angst. But mostly fluff. || Inaccurate medical terms, maybe (I'm not a doctor) Mentions of difficult pregnancy and birth.

Words: 3.K || Part 1. Series Masterlist (the first part was posted on my other blog @raincoffeeandfandoms)

The next morning dawned cloudy. Rose was still in bed and had decided not to go to work that day, she just didn't feel like going out to face the world. Her husband was in the kitchen preparing breakfast and Cyril was lying on his side next to her.

The dog was looking at her and even though Rose's mood was not the best, she couldn't help but smile. The animal knew how to make her feel better. Cyril settled even closer to her and sniffed her. Then he rested his head on her belly.

He had never growled at Alfie before, but he did when Alfie approached Rose to give her a cup of coffee and a kiss on the forehead. Alfie had the innate reaction of pulling his hand away.

"What's wrong with you, boy?" Alfie looked at his dog confused by his behaviour. "What's that protective attitude of yours? I'm not going to hurt her!"

"He must think you're going to kick him out of bed and lie in his side," she replied, smiling.

"His side?"

"I don't make the rules, Al."

"You're lucky that I love you, Cyril."

The dog wagged his tail but didn't lift his head from Rose. "You'll be all right, sweetheart?"

The night before had been too unexpected and too much of a roller coaster of emotions for him. Alfie had tried not to think about everything she had said to him as he held her to his chest but it wasn't easy. On the one hand there was the science that said his wife was pregnant but on the other, two tests had said otherwise. It was true that pregnancy tests sometimes failed, but it was also true that it was not uncommon for a blood test to have someone else's name on it. Late though it was, Rose had fallen asleep but Alfie had not. He couldn't sleep, so he spent the whole night being invaded by thoughts he hadn't had before. Perhaps because of being tired, he hadn't noticed that Cyril's protective attitude might mean something.

"I'll be fine. I'll just stay in and read and enjoy your breakfast. Go, Al, maybe a day off is what I need."

"Call me. Love, call me anything you need."

"I'm going to be fine. Don't worry about me." Rose didn't know how wrong she was.

Breakfast had been good and, as always, Alfie's baking did not fail to lift her spirits. After settling under the covers again, she picked up the book she was reading and continued it. Or tried to. Her mind was not really with her but with the doctor she was tye previous day.

"Medicine is a developing science… it doesn't explain everything." The woman's voice was in her head and on the desk she shared with Alfie was the card of the obstetrician surnamed Jackson.

She stroked Cyril's head before closing the book and deciding to sleep. Turning off the brain in such cases was the best thing to do.

But she didn't last long in bed. A little over an hour later, she got up and rushed to the bathroom and Alfie's tasty breakfast ended up going down the toilet.

She slowly stood up and walked over to the sink where she wet her face and then looked at herself in the mirror for several minutes. Drops of water fell down her face.

"Fuck…" she said to her reflection. "Fuck."

That was the first of her symptoms, not counting the repeated cravings. And over the next four days, others began to appear, such as unpleasant smells that only she could sense and mood swings that became more evident. Finally, that same fourth day, it was Alfie who called Dr. Jackson to make an appointment for his wife.

If there was a baby inside her, there was only one way to find out and that was with an ultrasound.

The warmth of spring was beginning to be felt, but Rose was cold. Not physically, but it was an icy sensation that ran down her spine and if it wasn't for the fact that she hadn't been able to eat breakfast, she would probably have ended up throwing up in the waiting room as well. Usually she was the one trying to stay calm, but this time Alfie was the one in charge of that. He took her hand in his and forced her to take a deep breath. It was going to be all right, he said.

Dr. Jackson was a black woman with a friendly smile. Perhaps she could see the panic in Rose's eyes because the first thing she did was give her a glass of water and ask her to sit down. She told her the same thing that Dr. Garrett, the first one to see Rose, had told her: sometimes miracles happen. But if Rose still had any doubts, Dr. Jackson would be happy to answer them.

With Alfie beside her again and as she lay on the stretcher, Rose reached for his hand. She was thankful it wasn't an electrocardiogram because at that moment her heart was about to burst out of her chest. Her mind was in another dimension.

The cold gel on her abdomen brought her back to reality.

"Let's see," Jackson said and a smile spread across his face. "Well, there it is. That there, that's your baby."

There on the screen was what Rose had so far refused to believe was possible. At last it had been true. In the end, it had happened. Alfie would swear he had never cried when he saw that little dot on the screen that was his son. But it was a lie because he had cried.

It was April 2024 and Rose and Alfie were looking at their baby for the first time. Eight weeks pregnant, the doctor said, and only now could she see that it was true. It must have been in that week in mid-February that Rose and Alfie decided to travel to a Scottish island. They hadn't been able to enjoy the scenery because a storm had forced them to stay inside the hotel but they had found other ways to spend their time and now that had been exposed. It was incredible, if they thought about it, that this had not happened in the nearly seven months they had spent locked in the Inn, with little and nothing to do in those days except having sex.

Dr. Jackson was also honest with them. As much as the pregnancy was unexpected, almost impossible to happen, it was also risky. It didn't mean that in the months ahead Rose should spend her entire days in bed, but that she should be more careful than any normal pregnant person should be. But also, she said, with more frequent check-ups everything should be fine. For now the baby was completely healthy.

In the weeks that followed, Alfie was more protective of her than usual. She should do nothing if he could do it, and even went so far as to propose hiring a maid, which she refused. There was no need because she was fully aware of what she could and could not do. Besides, Alfie had reduced the hours he spent inside the Inn working so the time they spent apart was almost nil. The two of them had started to prepare the new room that would be for the baby. Cot, nappies, toys, clothes, everything they thought would be needed and maybe more. Including a T-shirt for Cyril announcing that he would be the big brother of the family.

Without much fuss, more quietly than Alfie and Rose would have expected, two more months passed. Only now was her bulging belly beginning to show. In her husband's eyes, she had never looked more beautiful than she did now.

Dorothy and Allie had just entered the Inn a June afternoon. The mother was starting her shift and the girl, as usual, fresh from kindergarten, was planning to spend those hours with Alfie. Only this time Rose was there.

A big smile came across the girl's face when she saw her, considering she hadn't seen her for several weeks.

"Mom Rose!" The little girl ran up to kiss her on the cheek and then put a hand on her belly. "You're huge!"

"Thanks, Allie? I'll take that as a compliment. I have something to show you, come." Rose patted the armchair where she was sitting and Allie settled in next to her. From inside a notebook, she pulled out her most recent ultrasound done earlier that morning. Neither she nor Alfie could any longer conceal the joy they both had.

From behind the counter, Alfie listened to the exchange of words between his wife and the girl.

"Is this the baby?" she asked.

"Yes, but there's more to it than that, Allie. Now we can say that you will be his big sister."

"His? But I… the dream was a girl."

"I know, maybe it was… I don't know, like an angel? Or something?"

"No! It was a girl! I saw her, I talked to her. She was your daughter! She had long hair and she was beautiful!"

"But the one inside me is a boy, Allie. Joshua David Solomons."

"A boy! Is his name going to be Joshua?"

"Yes, it's an important Jewish name and both Alfie and I like it. So does David. Maybe not the little sister you were hoping for, but a brother."

"Maybe I was wrong…"

"Allie," said Rose, kissing her on the forehead. "I don't know anyone who has been more right about anything than you. Even when we all didn't believe it was possible you were the first and only one who was right about the baby. Even if it's not a girl."

Allie smiled hugely. At least that was true. The girl looked at the ultrasound again and although it was fuzzy she could make out the shape of the baby.

"Joshua…" she repeated the name and then looked at Rose. "I think I'll call him Jo. I think he might like it."

"Jo, then! I'm sure he does, sweetheart."

If Joshua Solomons could have given any sign of being happy to hear his name in the little girl's voice, he surely would have done so.

Seven months pregnant now and Rose's belly was really noticeable compared to her height, but it was tender to see. And also was what no one else could see: all the Alfie leaned gently against his wife, feeling his son inside her. If, years ago, Alfie had been asked if he was considering such a life he probably would have said no. And Rose would have said the same, because it was the last thing she would have expected.

It was mid-September when the worst began.

Alfie had had to go to the bank and had told Rose that Tommy would be by to pick up some papers. So that's why he was there. And fortunately he was there.

"…so, tomorrow I'm going to look for Alfie, to… Rose?"

Tommy threw the papers on the floor and walked over to her who had just leaned on the table and winced in pain.

"No, no! It's too early! No!"

"Rose, what's wrong!" Tommy had a hand behind her back and a worried look on his face.

"The baby… it's two months away! Not yet!" she replied, but the pain in her abdomen made her scream.

"To the hospital, now."

Tommy called out to Alfie from the car as he drove, flashing his lights to let him pass. In the seat next to him, his friend's wife was breathing heavily and her eyes were teary. For Tommy, the hospital had never been so far away. But he had never felt such relief in his life as when he saw the building in the distance.

A nurse and doctor put Rose in a wheelchair and wheeled her in. Tommy would not see her again until two days later. Alfie arrived ten minutes after them and also came in after his wife. Doctors had no choice but to perform a caesarean section if they wanted to save the baby's life. At just seven months gestation, Joshua Solomons had decided it was time to come into the world.

It was by far the smallest thing either of them had ever seen. Weighing barely a kilo, it could easily fit into one of his father's hands. But he was clearly in no condition to go home. Even when Rose recovered and was discharged, the baby remained in the hospital and would do so for the next ninety days.

Alfie hired a new employee to cover his work hours and devoted full time to caring for his son and wife. Not only was Joshua small, he was also fragile. Day and night, he and Rose took turns watching him. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was normal for the whole family to return home after a few days, but that hadn't happened for them.

"When can I see him?" asked Allie one afternoon when she happened to meet Alfie at the Inn.

"You can't now, sweetheart. But in a little while, perhaps, you'll be able to meet him."

"How is she? And how are you?" This time it was Dorothy who spoke.

"I'm so tired. I hardly sleep and Rosie… Rosie doesn't want to leave the hospital. Last week, the baby went into intensive care and I thought I was going to lose Rose and my son at the same time. It's harder than I can say."

"Hey, Alfie…" Dorothy put a hand on his arm "the child has your blood and hers. He's a fighter. And this is only temporary. Before either of you know it, all three of you will be able to be in the house."

"Do you think so? I wish, because it's very difficult to see someone so small connected to numerous wires and tubes. Rose can't breastfeed him yet because the baby would drown, so he's only feed through a tube and it's killing Rosie. My poor Rosie."

Dorothy, smiled at him "she's lucky to have you. Don't worry, Alfie, I told you…it's going to pass."

The first improvements began to show after almost 50 days. Joshua had gained weight considerably, considering how small he was, and he had opened his eyes as well. Once again Allie had been right: his eyes were just like Rose's, but his face was just like his father's. It was impossible to deny that he was his son.

The first time he could actually hold him in his arms it felt like holding humanity's most valuable treasure. In those days, too, Rose slept normally again, and that was something that reassured Alfie. To feel her in his arms again, at peace, was one of the many things Alfie had prayed for.

Weeks later, when they arrived at the hospital they found that Joshua no longer had feeding tubes. That was the first time Rose was able to breastfeed him and both of them (plus other parents who were in the same situation as them) ended up smiling and crying at the same time. But not Joshua, the baby seemed more than happy to finally feel his mother closer. That day was also the first time Alfie sent a picture of the baby to everyone he knew. All the previous ones were on his phone, but that one in particular had to be shared.

If they had been Christians, it would have been a Christmas miracle. But they weren't, so it could be considered a Hanukkah miracle.

It was December, London was illuminated by thousands of lights, when at last Joshua was allowed to go home to his parents. He would meet Cyril, something their poor dog had long been waiting for, and he would also meet little Allie. For if anyone deserved to see the baby, it was she.

It was still daylight when the three Solomons left the hospital. Alfie was driving while in the back seat his wife was with their son, making sure nothing would happen. But the little boy, oblivious to everything, simply slept.

Allie met Joshua three days later. The girl and her mother had gone to their house at the invitation of Alfie and Rose. The girl could barely contain her joy when she saw the baby.

"It's really tiny."

"Yes, he is," Alfie replied. "But he's growing fast."

"I'm going to be the best sister in the world."

There was no argument about that. Allie had decided that Alfie and Rose were her parents at heart so, logically, Joshua was her brother. And from that moment on and in the years that followed Allie would keep her word.

Epilogue. 18 years later.

"Well, Jo… here I am. Sorry, work kept me busy all day."

"Don't worry."

Allie, now 22 years old, looked at her brother with intrigue. He wasn't her blood brother, but the two of them had grown up together as if they were, and on more than one occasion Allie had stood up to anyone who tried to bother him. Because no matter what Joshua was her brother. And now that he was legally an adult, that hadn't changed, even if he was taller than she was.

"Well, tell me."

Locked in his room, Allie followed the boy's eyes as he began to walk in circles.

"Mom and Dad already know," Joshua said, "but there's something I need to tell you."

Allie's eyes widened "oh my god… you got a girl pregnant!"

"What the fuck, Allie, no!"

"Sure? Joshua!" The girl stood up and grabbed him by the shoulders. He sat her back down on the bed.

"Will you shut up? Listen to me!"

From the kitchen, where Alfie was looking at his phone and Rose was finishing some emails, they could both hear Allie's high-pitched, happy cry.

"She knows now, Rosie. Allie's going to make our lives impossible now."

"In the end, as always, she was right. But how were we to know?"

"I knew it! I knew it! Over time I convinced myself that what I saw in my dreams was a figment of the imagination of the little girl I was, but no! Deep down I knew it! Oh my God!"

Allie was standing on the bed and only realised where she was when the excitement of the first few seconds passed.

"Tell me something!" her sibling demanded.

Allie jumped off the bed onto the floor and with the biggest smile she could muster, spread her arms wide. The words she had just heard rang in her head: 'I am not a boy. I don't identify as a boy, I identify as a woman. I don't want the pronouns he or him but she or her. And the name… I am simply Jo. Jo Solomons.'

Allie wrapped her arms around her sister and felt tears burn in her eyes, "You're the sister I dreamed of. I literally dreamed you, Jo. You showed up in my life before mum and dad even knew you existed. I love you, Jo and I'm going to be the best sister you'll ever imagine and… fuck, I'm crying. Jo Solomons, you're beautiful and perfect and I'm going to take care of you until the last day of my life because that's what big sisters do. Because if anyone says anything to you, I swear I'm going to haunt them for the rest of their life."

"I'm bigger than you now!"

"I don't care. You'll always be my little sister. Mum and Dad, what did they say?"

"I don't think they could have reacted any better. Dad was silent for a few minutes, in shock, I think, but finally they both went "okay, you have our support. We love you" And literally the dinner that followed was like nothing happened. And dad greeted me this morning with 'good morning, my girl.'"

"Papa Alfie is the best. But, now I need to go and talk to them. I need to tell them that I, Allie Brown Solomons at heart, even when it took me 18 years to prove this, I always knew they were going to have a daughter."

#alfie solomons #alfie solomons x ofc #alfie x rose #alfie solomons x oc #modern au #peaky blinders x oc #peaky blinders #alfie solomons fanfic #alfie solomons imagine

22 notes · View notes