#since it's a four day weekend
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#so i woke up really early#and that was okay cos inwatched avs while i loaded the dishwasher and fed henry (cat not popstar) and washed my face and logged into work#four day weekends are so nice but my bosses emails ugh#i managed to have three meetings#one of which i had to contribute a lot to#and get a ministerial response completed while watching that utterly borked nucks match#and now i am having morning tea and feeling good#ive decided its not too late to plant sweet peas#i couldn't do it cos of surgery but look its still Autumn..#and idk i just feel gd about this week#i am enjoying organising the house in a low pressure way and writing my fic and i see neil on wed#and it is mamas birthday on Saturday so on Friday my sisters and i will have dinner at a nice place by the harbour#near where she wants her ashes scattered under the bridge where you walk round the corner and see soh#and we'll talk about things she would have hated and things she would have loved since she died#and I'll cry into my sydney rock oysters and miss her#but im missing her as i stand in the kitchen typing this waiting for the kettle to boil so you know#silv rambles#sorry i just do this on whichever blog im using the most#block the silv rambles tag if its super annoying
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loki season two has me screaming crying throwing up trying not to get dragged back into the mcu trenches
#i am stronger than this. i am better than this!!#by the trenches i mean consuming fanfiction at an unhealthy rate. fourteen year old me was insane i think i was on ao3 more than i slept#that’s not exaggeration. i was getting four hours of sleep on school nights and frequently went to bed at 5am on weekends#it is ONE good story. one. literally not worth it. i don’t even care about ninety percent of the mcu characters#i will ignore the little voice in my head reminding of the sheer amount of fanfiction. this was my pre-tumblr days#so my fandom interaction was like. youtube and ao3. maybe instagram posts sometimes. it was so much fun like. zero drama zero discourse#i was honestly living my best life. got less interested when i joined tumblr and went full doctor who mode#and after endgame i watched i think wandavision and loki and that was it. just didnt care anymore lol#i know exactly why this is happening tho. currently the thing i am insane about is my own damn project. which i am in the process of writin#for obvious reasons no fandom there. bc it lives in my mind twenty four fucking seven#i do wonder if i’m kind of growing away from fandom anyway? the closest i’ve got since toh ended was homestuck tbh#i want to feel obsessed with something again!! everything i’m into now - tma tlt and the like - i love them#but it doesnt hit like it used to. i don’t know it’s hard to explain#like video essays that i would have loved a few years ago!! the hour long ones about representation and queer media#they just irritate me now! i got halfway through one last week and had to bail i just could not care less#how did 2020 social media have me convinced that x character being gay was super important politically economically socially etc#ofc the answer is that i was a baby lesbian getting even less social interaction than normal#like representation is important obviously but also. sometimes it was not that deep#i don’t know if i’m making sense tbh but you get my drift#morganposting
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I'm being like astoundingly social lately. Starting from Thursday last week, I saw my girlfriend, then spent time with family on Friday, then saw my girlfriend again on Saturday + some of her friends, then watched a movie and drew stuff with friends on Sunday, then had a session 0 for new dnd on Monday, then watched anime with a friend on Tuesday. Off day on Wednesday. Then on THURSDAY I hung out with my girlfriend, had a study session with friend group (with mixed success at the studying part), AND watched anime with a friend again. And then today, watched a different anime with a different friend.
And TOMORROW I'm going to a concert with family and a friend, Sunday I'm hanging out with my girlfriend, then Monday I've got dnd thing again (probably? Need to double check). And then potentially more hangouts to come.
It's insane. What is this new social me. I don't think I've ever hung out with this many different people in such a short time before.
#speculation nation#it's fun though i probably will need to slow down a bit to not tire myself out bfkshfkd#the concert and the family thing last weekend are not normal occurences at least.#the movie and the study group were both from my discord server. tho with mostly different sets of people.#i think im at like... in just the past week ive hung out with... well...#3 on friday (plus saying hi to others at the temple but i dont rly spend time with them)#7 on saturday... i think it was like.. six? on sunday? i think. then Uhhhh#4 on monday. i think. 1 on tuesday. thursday had 3 new with 3 repeats from earlier in the week#and today was another person i hung out with earlier in the week#which puts me at TWENTY FOUR....... different people ive hung out with this week....holy shit....#granted on saturday 6 of them were my girlfriend's friends and im not very good at talking in a group irl#so i mostly talked to my girlfriend there. but even if U didnt count them that's still 18 people i hung out with#crazy. mind boggling. im a total introvert so this is like unprecedented.#I SWEAR I DONT NORMALLY COUNT PEOPLE LIKE THIS..... im just like. trying to put it into context for myself#and surprisingly i dont feel That exhausted by it... it helps that only 3 of these days had in person interactions#bc thats more tiring to me than just talking online. physical space takes more energy to emote etc etc#i think this is good for me honestly. spending time with people. not just wasting my life away with video games. you know.#tho i do need to balance it with writing.. i havent written anything since i posted the itnl update#and i rly need to get that reverse bang fic finished....hmmmmmmmm#ah well. i'll try to get lots of writing done next week. next week for sure..!!
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hey pegs i'm so sorry about all the shit going on atm, idk what to say but hope ur okay + it all gets less fucked up v v soon for u
THANK U ♥️♥️♥️
i finally got to talk to the OT and the RSW today (ON MY FOURTH DAY HERE ?????? smfh) and they let me have clothes >:) and some markers and sudokus and stuff. still have the security guard following me 24/7 & can’t leave the ward or have shoelaces but whatever. i feel so much more human now that i’m allowed to wear pants
#i appreciate u thank u sm ♥️♥️♥️ seriously#they’re letting me do this weird loophole thing where i’m technically a voluntary patient and can have privileges#except the resident doctor told me in no uncertain terms if i try to leave they’ll form my ass again#they’re just doing it cause it’s easter weekend and all staff except nurses are off from tomorrow until tuesday#so this way ill be a little less miserable. like a shitty consolation offering for the next four days#but i’ll take it#and my friend is coming to visit tomorrow and bring me a new book and maybe some snacks#asks#dorimares#pegasus speaks#also tmi but i haven’t shit since sunday#and i have a lil ... yeast situation going on#i hate it here bro <3#you’re so sweet for checking in though it means a lot to me :’-) 💕
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#I have thoughts about the new tour yet I am not sure if I should share (given why I do so in tags)#I am not surprised to see denmark is absent#I am a bit surprised to see no scandinavian country AT ALL#not surprised to see germany and the uk have most dates (that's sadly something I've seen a lot from bands/artists I like)#a little befundled with the route he has scheduled for both germany and the uk dates#glad to see other countries like switzerland france and the netherlands get their debut#not surprised it is in october since that seems to be around the same time for his europe antics last year as well#all this said I am a bit conflicted what to do myself#I'd like to go to gigs on this tour#yet I've already run out of the country four times these past upcoming five months (three times to finland)#since it is quite expensive and maybe not something I will have time for given I hopefully get an internship in august#with that in mind I feel like I should probably go for only a few dates#and yet last time I felt very much like I was missing out and overlooked because I didn't go to “more than two shows”#and here is where I feel like my thoughts are probably not great#i was thinking about maybe going for hamburg as first priority since it is the closest (4 hours in train)#then have frankfurt and munich as second priorities making it a little mini tour#I am not sure if I'd physically and mentally be able to do more than three gigs in a row#yet if I am I sort of want to go to zurich too because I've never been there#two days to decide is not very long#I feel very stressed tbh#and I hope noone will take this in any wrong way#please I really dont want to feel shit again#I know my last concert related take was on the fence#(even though as it turned out the venue did worse than me in that regard)#but this one is really just me thinking about what would be the smartest plan#other possible options would be to go for zurich since it is in a weekend (sunday) and then - depending on whether or not I have work#either go home or follow jere to amsterdam (then maybe paris and brussels)#another option is berlin then hamburg and then to home from there (so two shows)#or london and bristol since its the weekend (maybe manchester as well if it is not far - so up to three shows)#the latter I am a bit concerned about since being trans in the uk is not great atm
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Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die
#i cant even shes just so dangerously stupid#she thinks energy drinks with natural caffeine are safe to give people who have been told by doctor doing take caffeine with thia meds#ahe thinks of a child is CHOCKING to lie them face down n rub their back#she has the evangelical woman voice worse then women I've met n that cult ahe giggles constantly and behaves like the stereotype lil german#boy just got a lollipop over.... everyone and everything whe acts likw an 11 year old I just got the first boyfriend and all they could talk#is how perfect their boyfriend is and they're so pretty good for that I pulled a boyfriend is and it's like a God thing that they met how#SOOOOOOOOOO in love while constantly nonstop touching ahe has to be touching him her hand on his thigh her atm linked with his her heaf on#his chest she has to be in her lap they make out all over the place IT'S DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING STOP SWAPPING SPIT#she started a i. hwr words 'love diary of their love journey' they hadn't been dateing 2 months her kids are spoiled fake Instagram bitches#with such shitty views on politics SHE'S A TRUMP FAN GIRL SHENLOVES TRUMP MY DAD BROUGHT IN A TRUMPIE#there's so much i cant even say because even admitting it on tumblr is too embarrassing i wanted.to.likw her i liked her the first day but#THE MORE I GET TO KNOW GET THE MORE N MORE N MISS RED FKAGS#she threw away all my siblings clothes school books toys uniforms for sports their in toys i bought them that week make up jewelry#in the disguise of helping clean house#while i was at the hospital the kids call me in tears i call her beg her to wait and nope.ahe didn't i found the bags by the curb i brought#my dad sided with hwr because 'she didn't mean any harm she didn't know sje was throwing them away'#my mom hasn't bsen dead a year he started dating right after ahe died#hes talking about marrying this woman this woman who has never had an honest educated thought once in her life#WHO ASLO SPEMDA MONEY LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR AHE CAME FROM A WITCH FAMILY HER LAST TWO HUSBANDA WERE TOUCH SHE HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMMON#SHE SPENDS LIKE SHE STILL HAS MONEY WHEN SHE DOSE NOT AND IT'S LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST SPEND OVER 180 DOLLARS N PASTRIES GOD#SHES SO FUCKIN STUPID AND EVERY HOLIDAY SINCE MY MOM DIED WVERY FAMILY GWT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK OR.DO ANYTHING WITH MOM'S SIDE#OF THE FAMILY ANYMORE SHE'S THERE EVERY WINGLE MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKEND SHES HERE I'M EXHAUSTED SHES PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO BE ARO#OUND SHES LIKE IF SOMEONE TOOK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A DIET OF JUST FUCKIN COCAINE LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH LOLLY AND CRUELLA DEVILLE AND FUSE#THEN TOOK A STRAW AND DRANK ALL THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BEING#UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH MY DADS GOIN TO NARRY RHIA BITCH SHES GOIN TO TRY TO BE A MOTHER TO ME AND MY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOIN TO#be so fucked up because her kids are not ok SHE FUCKED THEM OVER BAD SHE HAS FOUR KIDS ALL ADULTS THEY'RE JUST WOW#I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WHAY FUTURE MY FAMILY IS GOIN TO BE THE GOOD THINGS IS I WON'T HAVE TO STAY I CAN GO N MAKE A NEW ONE WITH MY WIFE#FOR ME BUT MY SIBLINGS ARE FUCKED AND ANYTIME I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY YANDERE GOLDEN RETRIEVER BITCH WILL BE THERE WORMING HWR WAY IN#SHES CONSTANTLY CALLING N TEXTING MY DAD NONSTOP OF SHE'S NOT NEXT TO HIM AND IF HE CAN'T RESPOND INSTANT SHE FREAKS OUT N BUGS ME
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[I've been very busy and tired fjkshdfds but there was something I wanted to talk about that I've been meaning to since the episode aired but like -- I really, really like that they had Nanami showing his feelings so vividly in the episode where everything basically really fell apart and Geto began to really become disenfranchised with what he was doing at that school. All that anger and bitterness Nanami contained and probably continued to contain even as the days went by and he finally graduated... I'm glad that g.ege didn't go the route he was going to originally with Nanami snapping and killing off his coworkers when he was a salaryman / becoming a villain because I much prefer the route he wound up taking. It would have made perfect sense considering all that's happened to him, would have definitely fit the narrative, although him choosing to go back to being a sorcerer again and helping others despite everything, is far more appealing to me in the grand scheme of it all.]
#;ooc jabber#AAAAAAAA I know my activity is wild fdsjkfkdfds#but it's been like that on all my blogs because of work / life#but I will definitely be around either tomorrow or during the weekend#since I have that four day weekend (and I took leave on Friday)
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I started by telling myself I shouldn't feel bad that I didn't get all my planned chores done: Saturday is a rest day, and we've just finished three weeks of crunch at work. (Next week might also be crunch but probably not; the product ships at the end of the week but we should be in good enough shape already.)
But then I realized: I ran three errands in the morning, and did three chores in the evening--even if one of the chores was just "cook a healthy dinner" and two of the chores were banking-related on a website. (But one involved sending text messages, and one involved an actual phone call to customer service, so I can't even really say they were just on a website.) That's six things I got done on a rest day. I may have overscheduled by saying I'd do at least eight things, but still, six things is very good.
#the things I did NOT do all involve a hand drill so#I have about average upper body strength for a woman which means I do struggle somewhat with hand drills#although these chores all involve walls not metal so it's not THAT bad--except it's sideways rather than down so I can't lean into it#so yeah that's a level of chores I was not up to on my rest day#tomorrow is too booked up for chores--I told my friend I wanted to hang out with them this weekend#since I said no two weeks ago (I was fully booked) and they had to cancel on me last weekend#and normally we meet in the middle for hiking (we live 1.5 hours apart) but this time they suggested I drive all the way out#and I said yes before I realized that's what they were suggesting#so that's fine--but I can't do anything else beyond that tomorrow even just basic chores#which is a little bit getting to me because a house guest is coming to visit in four days#and I really need the shower curtain to be properly secured to the wall by then?#anything else is gravy--I already have clean sheets for her and everything--but THAT needs to be done#I've been living here almost two months and have only knocked the shower curtain down about three times so it's really not that bad#I even hang my towels on it and it's fine BUT I know how to do it? and I'm like professionally good at manipulating physical objects lol#like being a mechanic of sorts is literally a significant chunk of my job#whereas she doesn't pick up object-manipulation tasks easily--especially not involving gross motor skills#in fact when I mentioned it to her she was like yeah that was something she was not going to be able to handle#if I didn't have it properly installed by the time she arrived#so uh... well not today or tomorrow#and Monday and Tuesday I have work... and she's arriving Wednesday#ok realistically tomorrow night I'm just going to have to suck it up and get to drilling no matter how tired I am from driving and hiking
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#Tomorrow it will have been four years since my grandpa died#I’m always bitchier this time of year. Sorry.#Especially since I can’t spend the day with mom. It was her dad.#She works and dad’s a bitch. She canceled the day off bc weekends are dad’s#Fucking damn it#People always say I’m the mini version of him. Bc of the way I see things. Say things. Walk. Think. act. Look even.#People say I remind them of him but they’re surprised to see the same mental struggles repeated in me
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Just one last performance and then I can sleep again
#i don't know why I'm so tired constantly but I'm ready to be done with it#it could be because i moved (and I've already made a post about how that went)#and then immediately turned around and went into two jobs mode since rehearsals started that same week#and working with this college kids is so exhausting sometimes#it's like herding cats#but after this i just work my day job for four days#and then i have Friday and Saturday off#and i may be going with some friends to a corn maze/pumpkin patch that weekend#so that'll be nice#also my old eccentric professor again and he recognized me so that's fun#we chatted a little bit#i think he's seeing today's matinee mostly to support the students since he very openly doesn't like musicals#not sure what he'll make of this one
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Did I just skip out 2 out of 4 of my classes bc my first one was canceled and decided to just go to my 12 pm one? Yes, the fuck, I did. After reading and taking notes for about 7 hours straight and going to bed at like 4:30 am, you bet your ass I'm skipping classes bc that's called self care 💅🏾👯🏾♀️✨️
Plus, I have no classes on Friday, so my three day weekend starts now, thank you very much 💁🏾♀️💁🏾♀️
#it's actually four day weekend since my instructor for monday canceled class so uhhh yeah#already skipping classes on the third week of lectures and i don't regret a single thing#𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊 ˖⁺‧₊˚🎐˚₊‧⁺˖ 𝑫𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒚
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okay i have my fan going fast enough it sounds like it’s going to fly off the ceiling and kill me maybe i still have a chance at life
#basically my friend and i were literally talking the other day about how I’m not a particularly high maintenance traveller#but one thing I will not budge on (if I’m booking it myself) is that there has to be A/C#and I was saying yeah it’s not even that I necessarily need it like super cold or anything#it’s just that when I overheat it’s like one sensory thing too much with all my other symptoms#and fuck if that hasn’t been true since moving into my dorm#because of course i agreed to move back into the non air conditioned dorms because like genuinely it’s usually so nice all you need is a fan#but ig cause it’s August or cause my health or whatever it’s just been fucking hot as balls#and today especially since I’ve been mostly in bed with my period kicking my ass#it’s just been driving me insane#like i can mostly handle the pain but I just can’t handle the heat like I finally moved my boxes to be out of the way#cause I finally admitted to myself I’m not unpacking them in my current state#and I shed tears over how hot it was just moving boxes like four feet#and like please let it be clear I don’t live somewhere actually hot like im not doxxing myself#but like it’s nice outside but for some reason inside is just gross and on top of my fucking pain it’s too much#i also just I fucking hate move in so much#and I hate that i’m gonna have to text or call my mom and be like yeah im not coming to visit you this coming weekend cause im already dying#and the school year hasn’t started?#like I just tried so hard when I got here to be like ‘yes this is my year for real everything’s gonna be great’ and I just#i’m like one day into being in pain and i’ve lost my mind I can’t even think straight#i KNOW it’s my period I know it’ll last at most a week but it’s so scary everytime that it’s going to last forever cause it used to#im so scared about being an adult I don’t even feel like I can get through this school year but at least this is like. a specific task. what#the fuck am I supposed to do after that when it’s nonspecific#why does everything hurt#why do my arms hurt like that’s not a thing#my fucking throat?!#my legs are obviously killing me cause that’s a near constant these days#my headache isn’t terrible but it’s not great#and my fucking stomach#i think move in should be illegal and chronic pain should be outlawed and I think my parents should call me because what the fuck#boom’s bad days
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Owhh my back hurts
#i just checked my calendar and realised that Dan državnosti is in TWO weeks and not next week#idk how i managed to do that like i know it's on the 30th i just don't know math#on the one hand shucks i was looking forward to a free tuesday this week#but on the other hand yippie since i don't have eng lit in two weeks i get a four day weekend
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#ignore this i am just going to complain for a minute lol#i am on day four (4) of one of the worst allergy attacks ive had in my whole life and i just.#i've always had the worst seasonal allergies but they've never been this bad this is miserable#it's been going on since thursday i have not felt human since thursday lol#it has to be allergies i can't be sick bc i had not left my house beyond a walk and a run last week i was so busy at work#so it's literally pollen kicking my ass yet again and it's like#constant congestion and sneezing and headaches and coughing when will this end#every time i've dealt w this in the past it's gone in like a couple days at most but this is day four lol#and it's gotten progressively better but im still like. i wanted to get so much done this weekend and idk if i'm going to#and tomorrow's monday again i just. ugh#i'm so annoyed lol i don't understand why this is happening#neha rambles#delete later
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well I logged on for my half day at work and was told there’s “nothing urgent today—have a good afternoon” lol so I guess I’ll have teams open in the background while I write on my personal laptop. whoohoo!!
#i will get a little work tomorrow I think after I meet with my lead#but then I think it’ll be a four day weekend with no real work Friday + Monday off for the holiday#I’ve decided since we did Christmas early and I’m doing the actual holiday here#i want to spend that long weekend and maybe next week leaving long comments on seven fics from my backlog#I’m also hoping to write a lot if things keep flowing as they have been
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my supervisor approved my days off, girlies im gonna sleep so good this month omg
#got monday and tuesday off so woo four day weekend#the entire christmas week#and then four days on the last week and i only gotta come in for like two hours on the last day#which mean i have ten days left after this week#one of those is unfortunately saturday but its fine i can deal with that if i get two days off from doing it lol#anyways im happy. kinda mixed feelings about this ending but also man i deserve a break#i havent had a day off since my vacation in august oof#night is an absolute mess on main
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