#since I don’t tend to overly speculate about what’s going to happen or spend time finding clues and foreshadowing and stuff

[kirsctein]

it’s kinda funny to read a book and not agree at all to any of the criticism of someone whose reviews you usually rather trust

[shihalyfie]

Absolutely adore your character analysis posts and I just read your Daisuke/Takeru fic and I wondered if you have any fic recommendations focused on them?

Hello! Thank you for the kind words! I’m really glad to hear that my Daisuke/Takeru fic is well-received, I’m rather inexperienced as an actual writer of the ship and I feel I still have room to do better with it, but I definitely want to do more in the future ^^

In regards to fanfic recommendations...well, this is where I’m going to sound like a massive hypocrite, but as far as Daisuke/Takeru goes, I’m actually much more familiar with Japanese comics for the ship than I am English-language fanfic. In writing this, I’m really afraid that this is going to come off as something like “I think Japanese work is better” because it’s really not meant that way (in general, I dislike the idea of putting people on a pedestal just because they’re Japanese), and it’s more just due to a combination of factors that ties into the differences between the respective fan cultures, my own narrow and picky personal preferences, and how the ship (which doesn’t exactly have a huge number following in any country) gets involved with those.

English-language fanfiction is generally centered around long-form prose fiction posted for free on the Internet, whereas Japanese fanfiction usually centers around comics, often from people who are accustomed to selling actual books to people who are willing to pay money for it, and that has a huge impact on creating some rather significant differences when it comes to a ship like this:

Prose fanfiction with no length limit means that English-language fanfiction has a strong tendency towards “pure AUs” (of the “coffee shop” sort, where the entire circumstances behind the meeting and relationship are different), whereas books that have a very limited length are more likely to take the canon universe-based speculative fiction (mostly based on the canon events and timeline, with maybe at most a few “what-if?” changes) route, and while I of course have nothing against a good AU nor the lovely people who put tons of thought into it, my favored genre is more the latter (and it’s why both Daisuke/Takeru fics I’ve written are in that category).

I actually don’t check ship tags as often as you’d think! Although the ships I’ve written for (i.e. feel comfortable writing) are very few, I like a lot of ships, and I spend more time browsing generic tags and seeing what people put in there that might interest me. Daisuke/Takeru isn’t really all that popular in the mainstream in any country, but it does seem to have a dedicated niche following among 02 doujin artists who put out books, and my suspicion is that it’s because of the above limitations -- it’s a ship you don’t necessarily have to set up a full backstory for but still have enough “drama” to fill a book that people will pay money to read about. So as far as “running into it by accident” goes, it happens a lot more often with those kinds of artists...(despite that, I actually can’t afford to import that many books, so I’m still heavily reliant on said artists kindly and generously choosing to post their work online).

A large amount of English-language fanfiction is based off the American English dub, and while I have nothing against it personally, the dub for 02 in particular had a lot of differences in characterization -- especially with Daisuke -- to the point I almost consider it its own version of canon, and my own personal preference is strongly with the Japanese version. (It’s not even that easy to use the use of Japanese vs. dub names as a caliber, because you get a lot of people who use Japanese names but are clearly writing for the dub, and the result is that a reader like me who sticks mostly to the Japanese version will often get massive whiplash.) Daisuke is a character I especially am picky about the portrayal of, since he’s actually a very difficult character to grasp and too easy to pigeonhole, and it takes quite a bit of balance between the fact he’s such a supportive and positive person while also being very rough around the edges and easy to irritate, and my desire to see a diligent effort made in pulling off this balance is a huge reason I end up very picky about reading 02 fanfic. (And yet people claim he’s a flat or underdeveloped character...)

At the risk of touching upon an awkward topic, a lot of English-language fanfic that has Takeru involved in it tends to make a prominent effort to include a certain topic that is a massive landmine (as it’s called) for me, and I feel absolutely awful about it because I’m sure the author tried really hard to make it work, but touching on the topic in any significant way gives me negative whiplash to the point I end up unable to enjoy it as a reader. This doesn’t happen as much with comics (in any language) due to the more limited scope, but especially not with doujin-based comics, since we’re talking stuff you have to actually sell for money, and said topic is especially a landmine among doujin artists (the Pixiv wiki article has some, uh, less than kind things to say about it) and even more so among 02 fans, so said fanwork tends to either avoid the topic entirely, or not touch on it significantly to the point it makes it uncomfortable for me to read.

I really feel awful and like a massive hypocrite for saying this, because by all means I should be supporting fellow fanfic writers as someone who writes fanfic myself, but this is where I admit I’m the self-indulgent/selfish kind who kind of just throws things out there as I like!

If you are interested in some of the kinds of comics I mentioned, I can definitely recommend some, but I’d like to do it privately (i.e. please send me another ask so I can send it there) after I’ve confirmed if you’re okay with a rec even if it’s in Japanese, and what you might be comfortable/not comfortable with reading (Pixiv, unfortunately, is no AO3 and is absolutely awful about things having content warnings or proper content description tagging). There are definitely ones I really love, even putting aside the text itself, because the facial expressions and story presented perfectly capture the paradox of distance and closeness between the two, the drama of trying to close that gap, and the contrast between the ostensibly open but emotionally closed in Takeru, and the ostensibly rough around the edges but actually emotionally sensitive Daisuke. But recommendations of this sort are the kind I’d definitely like to do once I know the person’s preferences!

(I’m so sorry for making this drag on for so long; the fact I run an overly detailed meta blog probably might have clued you in on this, but I like talking too much...)

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Starfish in the sand

Collecting seashells is fun! Finding little treasures in the sand is something that never gets old. It's one of the little wonders of nature that keeps on giving.

Seashells are so cool and fascinating to look at. No two are alike and you never know what you'll find in the sand. Once in a while unique shells pop up in the beach, like these golden starfish ones. I don't know how long they'll stick around, so I try to collect a bunch to keep and give as gifts.

Jamie and Nedra have been staying at the camp for a while, enjoying the scenery and activities. It's been a long time since Jamie visited and this is Nedra's first time. A few days later Chrissie, Theda, Jean, and Emma joined us - which was why Jamie and Nedra stuck around.

So we've been having fun collecting seashells and doing craft projects with them. We made jewelry, decorated furniture, painted them, put together gift bags - there's a lot you can do with seashells! It's also nice to just chill and hang out with friends - especially Jean and Nedra as I haven't seen much of them since the entourage disbanded.

Jean's an actress and model with an interesting story regarding her family. Around the same time she joined the entourage, she had reunited with her father, who she hadn't seen in over 20 years. Up until she was around 5 Jean was raised by her mom. After she died, her dad decided to come back into her life and change his ways, abandoning the life of a conman. So he married his longtime partner and adopted Jean in hopes of starting over.

Unfortunately things didn't quite work out. Although Jean and her dad got along well, he fell back into his old schemes by stealing from heiress Agathe Dieudonne when he was going through some financial problems. The heiress forgave him since she took a liking to Jean and offered to send her to a prestigious boarding school in France so she can see the world. When her dad's old ways of living started to catch up with him, he and her stepmom decided to take up Agathe's offer so Jean could have a better life.

Over the years Jean kept in touch with her dad and stepmom through letters. Agathe doted on her like a granddaughter and used her connections to keep an eye on Jean's dad to make sure he was doing okay. Jean became aware of his past when she grew older, and the way she sees it, the conman and her dad are two different people. The fact that he tried his best and was willing to give her up so she could have a better upbringing is more than enough for her.

When she moved back to the states to pursue Broadway, Jean set out to reunite with her dad. It surprisingly wasn't too hard to find him and her stepmom as they happened to live on Peace Coast Island, not too far from where Jean was when she was in the entourage. Since then they've made up for a lot of lost time and Jean makes time in her busy schedule to visit often.

In a few weeks, Jean will be on tour for a show and one of the stops is the island. Coincidentally, Nedra's gonna be touring too and so she'll be performing a few nights at Starlight as well. The two became good friends through Jamie, becoming mentors for a drama program at Starlight Theatre as well as regular performers there for a time. Since the entourage disbanded they became super busy so it's nice that they finally got together for a long overdue meet up.

I told Jean about how Marlo's a huge fan of her and like Nedra, she's down to returning to the camp to meet her. We're still working out the details but Nedra and Jean will coordinate their schedules while I check in with Marlo and Don. It's gonna be fun having them all together!

Things have been the same old in Camellia according to Theda. Chrissie pops in for a visit every now and then, usually to bother Tanner or cause mischief with Lala, Theda, and sometimes Delwyn. It's good to hear that he's been doing much better these days - still, Edvin's absence continues to be a gaping presence.

Theda was right when she said that sooner or later, they'll move on and be okay - but it doesn't change the fact that what's gone is gone. And I fully agree with her.

Chrissie has also been spending a lot of time with Emma and her nieces and nephew, especially now that Emma lives about 15 mins away. She mentioned that Rocky and Lex have their hands full with the babies, which is why she's been bothering other friends. Emma doesn't mind as she's still adjusting to living in Cityburg, a drastic change of scenery after spending most of her life in a moderately sized suburban town.

Emma's doing a lot better since moving out and living with her brother Danny and his kids. She always got along with her mom's side of the family better than her dad's. Her mom's the type of parent who tends to be a bit overly critical of her kids but means well and just wants the best for them. As for Emma's father, he clearly favors her younger brother while putting Emma down for pretty much everything.

What prompted Emma to leave - aside from the threat of getting cut off financially - was something unforgivable her younger brother did. It's a fucking mess and if he keeps this up, I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up destroying him. It also didn't help that their father contributed by adding fuel to the fire.

Basically, the brother's one of those shitty tabloid people who profits out of ruining lives. The incident involved a close friend of Emma's, who died unexpectedly due to illness. The brother, who hated the friend for petty reasons, got a hold of Emma's phone, looked through her texts and took a lot of her conversations with her friend out of context to paint the friend and her family in a bad light.

In short, he turned a bunch of texts into "signs" that the friend was likely murdered by her family. He also revealed private information about the friend and how she was going through a rough time, claiming those as motives for why her family wanted her dead. He also made it look like Emma was the one to bring up the speculation, which the family knows is a load of bullshit. To those who knew the friend, it's clearly a pathetic attempt to ruin someone's name for clout.

As a result of the incident, Emma's mom had enough and kicked the father out, which Emma said was long overdue. As for her younger brother, her mom hasn't disowned him (yet) but she's made it clear how she found what he did despicable. Danny never approved of his stepfather and didn't get along with the youngest, so his reaction to what happened was along the lines of disappointed but not surprised.

Since I last saw Emma, things have improved a lot between her and Margie. Although they're aunt and niece, they've always gotten along more like sisters. While Rusty and Linda took quickly to having their aunt move in, there was some tension with Margie, though it had nothing to do with Emma personally. Margie was forced to grow up quickly after their other dad, Terry, and older sister Sherry, died last year, so things haven't been easy for the family.

With Danny having trouble balancing work and family life and Emma having problems at home, he decided to take her in. Emma says their mom has mixed feelings about it, believing that Danny's giving her an easy way out. If anything, I think Emma's a hard worker, but not in a way a capitalist society approves of it. In other words, capitalism can't profit off someone like her, so it sees her as useless. By living with Danny, an entertainer who not only understands what she's going through, but has also made a successful life for himself and his kids, Emma can freely pursue her creative passions without worries.

Right now, Emma's been working on creating content for her channel, posting journal with me videos and vlogging everyday life. She hopes to open her own sticker shop one day so Daisy Jane's gonna help her with that when the time comes. For now, she wants to focus on developing her art style by experimenting and studying other artists before getting into all that. I'm so excited to see where this will take her!

Chrissie and Theda have been really into making charms so that's what we're gonna do with the tiny seashells. I think the little starfish shells make the prettiest charms, especially on a bracelet. We also have some jewelry wire so I'm thinking of making earrings too. It's been years since I've made earrings so it's good to finally use up those earring hooks.

For the larger seashells, we're thinking of using them to decorate furniture. Theda used a bunch of seashells to decorate an old mirror she found while thrifting with Daisy Jane and it looks sooooo pretty! The decor and the gold paint looks like a vintage picture frame with the starry seashells giving it a sorta celestial vibe. I'm still not sure what to decorate yet but I'm considering one of the old bookshelves that's sitting in storage that has been in need of fixing up for a while.

Emma's been filming footage for her vlogs so I try to do a bit of everything so she can have the full camping experience. So far it's mostly sightseeing, crafting, and chilling with the campers. From what it looks like, Emma's considering splitting the content into two videos - one for seashell crafting and one for sightseeing. I'm flattered that she can get so much out of the camp!

Jean and Nedra find the camp a good spot to unwind from their busy lives. Before meeting up with the others Jean visited her dad and stepmom, who will see her again when she returns to Starlight for opening night. She also said the next time she drops by, she plans to come via plane as she's a pilot, like Chrissie. I think Marlo would die on the spot when she finds out that she would be in a plane flown by Jean Theodora!

Today was a low key day where we wandered around, enjoying the sights and taking it slow. We actually didn't do too much crafting today, which is fine as we tackled a lot of big projects early on so we were kinda running low on shells. So we ended up with a pretty good haul and a bunch of new ideas for craft projects.

No matter how busy or chill the days are, we always find ourselves back at the beach, searching for starfish in the sand.

[steamishot]

Mid-May

It’s a little slow at work today and I’m planning on sneaking out early. I think I’m PMSing again. Lately, I’ve been a little overly fascinated by pretty girls on IG/IG influencers and models. Before, I would follow just one group of influencers but now I see so many young, wannabe or rising models on the explorer page. I’m starting to feel old. When I was younger and I heard people just a few years older me call themselves “ancient”, I found it laughable, but I kinda understand what they mean now. Our skin won’t ever be as taut, our minds never as innocent. Our lives as carefree. I think about what I have to offer in my relationship and feel like my partner can do better than me. It’s not good to feel inferior, as that will breed insecurity and damage the relationship, but I do ask myself, when is he gonna stop being a dumbass and realize that? Or can I trick him long enough to trap him? Lol. I learned something new about the culture in china recently. Traditionally, women in marriages are left to manage the household income. The husband would direct deposit his income into the account that she manages. She would give him an allowance/stipend for his basic needs. The idea is that women have best interest in mind for her family, and if guys have too much spending power, he has a higher chance of committing adultery. Women make the initial investment of giving her youth and fertility to the man, and men make the later investment of finances.

Last Thursday, my old boss came into my office at 4:55pm and asked us for the HR director’s cell phone number. It took me by surprise because it was the first time I saw her in our room. I glanced over and she was surprisingly very friendly with me. Her face was notably red. She commented on how my hair got longer, asked me about my job and my recent trip to Japan. I was in a good mood so I was fine seeing her and was proud of her for not brushing me off. It was the first actual conversation we had since I left a year ago. When I left the office at 5:00pm, she was standing out in the hallway just waiting for some reason. Following that incident, I learned that she was going through personal issues. This past Tuesday, I received news that she was admitted to the ER. My work friends were speculating and thought that she might be schizophrenic. They saw her just standing in the hallways blankly staring into space. She had a history of talking and laughing to herself. Before she was admitted to the ER, she dropped the items in her hand while walking and started to shake. Faculty (and the chief) in her division had to come upstairs to HR to seek counseling help for her. I don’t imagine that faculty helping out the admins happens like that often. After more speculation, it just seems like she had a nervous breakdown. Not sure why exactly, but I think it’s because of her demented and aging father (parents live in Missouri).

At age 45, she still depended on her parents to give her money to buy a new iphone. She still expected Christmas presents or birthday presents… and for them to pay for her plane ticket whenever she visited them in Missouri. I told my mom about this and she said that perhaps she’s very financially dependent on her father. If he falls, she falls too. My mom has always been extremely forgiving towards this boss of mine. I think she is grateful for her mainly because she allowed me a job at UCLA. I said mom, she didn’t hand me the job. I interviewed just like everyone else and competed against dozens of candidates. My current job, sure. I was pretty much handed it. My mom always refers to her as a poor girl, and reminds me to be kind to her. When I heard the news of her being mentally off and being checked into the ER, I felt sick. My former coworker talked to me about how upper management knew she had big mood swings and even described her as “bipolar”. It angered her that they allowed her a supervisory position having known that. She brought up how I could’ve made a bigger scene before I quit, and could’ve went to the union for help. And how HR offered me a job to kinda placate me. At the time, I had thought about it, but I remember reading the guidelines of what counted as “workplace bullying” and my experience didn’t fully fall under that. I don’t know if I would have gone to the union, but if that were the case, my name would definitely be tainted and I wouldn’t be allowed to work here again basically. Currently, she’s still in the ER. I’m glad that I don’t have to be careful walking around campus in fear of bumping into her. But I do hope she leaves and doesn’t return (not this earth, just this campus lol).

Matt came back last Thursday and we are leaving to Seattle tonight. Him being gone felt way longer for me than it did for him it seemed. It was kinda hard seeing him have fun all day/travel whereas I was just at work and living my day to day life in LA. When he got back, he said it kinda felt bad/different. He missed having the sense of family like in China, where his family would eat together every day and talk. He said he doesn’t have that here because everyone’s off doing their own thing. It felt a little different seeing him again. I think when you are traveling in a new country, so much goes on and you get to experience many new things. You come back with new learned perspectives. He asked me to sleepover at his house Friday night. I said okay but to get permission from his mom first. He was shy about asking her but finally did ask through text. His mom responded “yes no problem. Should I buy food?”, to which he said no, it’s okay (always denying me food lol). She ended up buying me chocolate covered strawberries, which I thought was really sweet and romantic of her LOL. I didn’t see his mom that night. When I walked into their house, she was not wearing pants and then just went into her room and stayed there the rest of the night. Matt was sick so I brought over ginger and rock sugar to make ginger tea. I was making that in the kitchen with his brother around juicing stuff. It was the first time Matt had a girl over just casually like that lol. His brother is like 14/15 and reminds me of myself when I was his age. He’s pretty talented in art, cooking and general academics. I see why Matt calls him his 2.0 now. If I had a sister 15 years younger than me, damn straight I would train her to be Connie 2.0 too. The sex that night was a lot. After not seeing him for like almost two weeks, I felt shy with him again. He was also extra horny/missed me. The next day, we went hiking. Got a parking ticket. Dropped him back off at home after because homeboy was jetlagged, sick, and sleep deprived and was dying post hike. I brought up how silly he was to have thought we could have gone to Seattle the weekend he returns. I think I learned my role with him. I’m like the practical, cool one. When he comes up with overly ambitious ideas like GOING TO 3 COUNTRIES IN ONE WEEK, I have to shoot down his idea and tell him no. I am glad I shot down his Seattle idea on the weekend he is back. I said, “you get kinda disappointed when I tell you no.” He said “yeah I do. But I’ll get it later.”

The next day was mother’s day. My parents and grandma went to a party. Matt’s mom got admitted to the ER that day. I half joked that maybe I was a part of it because she might have been scared about him getting me pregnant or whatever. He noted that I’m the calm in his life and that his mom “needs a Connie in her life”. Funnily enough, it seems his dad and I share certain qualities. We both like to be comfortable (sleep on time, hike/nature, have a schedule, be early to appointments), we are the less anal ones in the pair. His dad went to China the same week we left to Asia, and he’s gonna stay for like 3 months. I think having both the dad and Matt gone was hard on her.

I told him that due to his mom’s current state, it’s okay if we cancel Seattle. Southwest offers free cancellation and the Airbnb we booked also had a flexible policy, so we didn’t have anything to lose. I also told him that I don’t mind either way because it’s been a lot of traveling for me already- I don’t mind just chilling at home. At least I’d get enough sleep here lol. Also that because he wants to save up money (since he’ll need to pay for rent now), at least not going will save him money. He said thank you to my considerations. He ended up choosing to go. Over dinner on Tuesday, he said the first thing he will do upon receiving his vacation schedule (he gets 2 two week blocks a year, but can’t choose the dates), is book a trip to Iceland for us. I joked saying “where are your priorities?” lol because it seems he hasn’t done much in preparation for the program but yet is thinking about vacation already. Although it did make me happy to hear that. It’s like a placeholder to keep me attached for x amount of time. By Tuesday, I felt comfortable with him again. As he settles in, stops being sick and jetlagged, and his days return to normalcy.

We talked a little about the trip. I noted how it was too much pressure on the one day we had per country to go well and he agreed. I thought he was high strung especially. Hanging out with him at home is normally chill, as I confirmed hanging out with him again. He is NORMALLY easy going and doesn’t have many opinions on the things we do/eat, but traveling with him under a constraint was different. At least we got to learn more about each other. Going to Seattle after work today- semi PMSing. Here’s to round two of traveling! Will try to be rational and think before reacting. Aiming for good vibes throughout.

Clubbing: I went clubbing for the first time in years (minus the times I went just to show my cousins from France around LA). I guess it’s fun getting dressed up and going with a group of girls just taking pictures together and getting male attention. But I was also reminded about how I don’t like clubbing and it’s not my scene. I tend to drink more to feel at ease in those environments. I was DD and drank kinda a lot (my friend said DD stands for ‘drunk driver’ LOL). The club is actually a sad scene for me now. In the restroom especially, you see these wasted girls. On the dancefloor there are dropped drinks. You have all this unwanted attention. Reminded me of the song “crying in the club” – I don’t know the song but I just know the title lol. I remember when I was younger, I used enjoy getting wasted and remembered that girls are usually very supportive in the restroom. People become nicer and friendlier than if they weren’t drunk. It was a fun night- girl bonding and seeing people was a refreshing way to spend my weekend nights haha