#simulation of what it’s like to talk with me

[itsrlymine]

HAI BESTIE ITS 🪐💜 AGAIN!!!

omg ur post abt not calling it desires bc it’s already yours so wtf are you desiring… EXACTLY!!! LITERALLY THAT!!

I always had this sort of cognitive dissonance when it comes to talking abt like the concept of wanting something and “trying to get it” when in all reality you don’t want something you already have.

Also I wanted to mention this little trick I use to help for people who have a hard time or just aren’t used to affirming something to themselves if they’re too caught up in the “3D” or whatever!! For all y’all ‘logical’ people this might work for you

Basically I spew out a list of stuff that I know are undeniable fact and include whatever it is I manifest in that list so my brain will receipt it as a fact as well! There is a psychology term for this where your brain will categorize something based on the surrounding information/context but I forgot what it was called LMAOO

Essentially I tell myself something along this:

“The sky is blue. I have a phone. I breathe oxygen. I have 2 living parents. I’m sitting in my apartment with (partner) rn. I graduated highschool. Grass is green. I’m good at art. it’s snowing outside right now. I’m a millionaire. My sister is 14 years old. I ate scrambled eggs for breakfast. Water is made up of one hydrogen atom two oxygen atoms. I know how to braid hair. I’ve got a huge following on social media. My friends are (insert names), I love my friends. I’m friends with (celeb.) ice is cold. Fire is hot. I have a masculinely androgynous body. My family is accepting of queer people. I am Arab. My family isn’t religious.”

Etc etc, it really helps me feel comfortable with understanding how it is FACTUAL I have it regardless of what the 3D shows me or not!

( something I find so funny is how since i deal with psychosis, in my episodes I tend to think of everything as fake and a simulation. and though I’m not having an episode I still think of the 3D and 4D with that lens bc this shit is just a slow ass loading simulation fr! Like I already changed and clicked and did whatever I changed but it loads slow as hell so although I’m not seeing the changes I know it’ll show up bc it has to)

babes.... when i tell you i do the same exact thinggggg! I list out facts that I know with ones that align with what I've manifested to prove to myself that I don't have to feel any inherent thing, just be and think as the person who has something they wanted. It's so great and just shows you how everything is truly just our assumptions of them.

[deadlysoupy]

i cannot express just how grateful i am that the devs decided to make rook so unique, in almost all areas of the game

like, obviously it's not da origins level, because that was a miracle in of itself and might never be repeated, but it's still so commendable, especially if we fairly compare it to inquisition

because think about it. we get like, what, six or seven faction backgrounds that you get to choose, and then you get a special relationship with people inside that faction? are you fucking kidding me that's awesome. not only that, but we also get a background, we get to know what our rook did before the events of the game, and we can decide how they react to it. do they feel remorse? regret? freedom? sure, you may need to add a little bit of context yourself for some factions, but that's the fun part! you get to make a little guy and develop them in your head! you're building them in-game

not to mention the combat and skill system of the game. there're seven companions and they all have their classes, and you can pick between two styles of fighting (except for rogue i guess, kind of) and your spec ties into a faction. you feel very unique because you can just be whatever and no other companion will repeat after you (or you repeat after them)! isn't that neat!

compare that to inquisition. who tf is your inquisitor. they're literally just a Guy (gender neutral). when you pick a spec they're all the same as your companions. how is this in any way making my inquisitor stand out. they're just a vessel, an empty plot device. they walked into a room and people pushed them into being a religious leader. it literally could have been anyone else. the only interesting choice i remember from inquisition that actually made me remember that they're a person is when you talk with casssandra about whether or not you believe in god. that's it

you become a symbol in 1/3 of the game. you aren't a person, your decisions matter to the whole world now, and you can't be biased about it. the game wants you to be analytical, but it doesn't want me to act like my character, i'm basically playing a Build Your Own Empire simulator

so don't you even start telling me rook isn't interesting, or that they're nobody. they have a story, a pre-existing one, but a story nonetheless. just like hawke does. we're roleplaying a specific character, and if the game does most of the work - that's fine by me, i'll just fill in the gaps and make my rook feel richer and have interesting dynamics with the veilguard. if you can't imagine your rook in Situations, i'm so sorry for you, because i'm having so much fun with them

[moonspirit]

Since we’ve been talking about ambassadors on edibles, I’ll use my knowledge to portray each of them while on mars XD

-Annie: girl goes catatonic and you can’t convince me otherwise. She just sits on the couch staring into the void with a frown and occasionally registering some conversations around, not participating tho.

-armin: a giggling mess. Every words is funny, so funny that when the joke’s over he forgets to loosen the smile and close his mouth. “You’re friggin bald Connie heheee”. At some point he throws up.

-Connie: existential bliss. “Man…we’re having such a good time, like, I’m so baked bro…like…i could go watch the stars and fall asleep there cause it’s so paceful…man hand a brownie over cmon”

-Reiner: existential awareness. Man would realize he lives in a society. In such confusional state, he would find out that he exists. Paradoxical, I know. But he’s free from the thoughts. He’s free from the anxiety. Behind those eyes, realization: he loves these people that are with him. No other thoughts than peace and love.

-Jean: no thoughts behind those eyes. Bro is convinced he lives in a simulation so he doesn’t fight it, rides the wave. Sometimes tries to get up and do something, but he only stumbles around until he’s forced to sit back down.

-pieck: falls asleep five minutes in. Has the time of her life

I could do the whole cast istg they’re too funny😭

Omg Lmaooooo xD These are all so funny asksaashfaf xD

I snorted at Reiner's xD

Man would realize he lives in a society. In such confusional state, he would find out that he exists.

If that isn't accurate!!! What a good change from the anxiety over not wanting to exist. 💀💀

Also I'm positive Pieck conducts Santa Claus style-deliveries on reindeer powered sleigh over the Arctic Circle in her sleep. Well that, and a bank robbery.

[juh-wasnt-deactivated19691231]

totally normal thought i had earlier

“well i pretty much only get up if im starving or i need to pee. and i can put off the starving. …actually i can put off needing to pee too.” *turns to imaginary person sitting next to me* “you know, i would be great stuck in an elevator”

[seiwas]

SEL MY SEL …….. crawling over here for the ask game …………… you already know . who i’m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!

….. sugu ….. with ’sun’ ……. maybe 👉👈

(🍵 <- a little matcha for your troubles … good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 i’m cheering you on!!!)

ARI 🥹🥹🥹🥹 hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun 🥹 thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this 🥹 it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu 🫶

contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk 😭), skewed concept of reality and time

suguru + sun

you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.

it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.

the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.

to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.

"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.

when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals he’s someone you can trust.

you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.

"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.

"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."

.

over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.

"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.

hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.

you don't know what's worse―wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.

he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.

your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.

it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met him―an anniversary of some sort.

.

you learn that he owns both houses―his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.

"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.

your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.

"you could have sold it or something."

he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.

"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."

.

you mark each day at sunrise.

your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.

this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the clouds―

"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.

your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."

"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.

"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"

"october 28," he supplies.

your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."

it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.

you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.

"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."

.

you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.

when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.

you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.

.

this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.

your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.

the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.

suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.

he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.

your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.

a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.

.

"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.

another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.

"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.

you eye him from the side.

"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."

the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."

and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.

.

you dream again, more and more as the days go by―dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.

there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.

.

sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ─── beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.

[DISCONTINUED] — FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.

[g8d]

low-key i hate being apl because i think it makes me be kind of a leech socially.

like if i cant help you then i don't know why im talking to you. its not personal, i just have no concept of being friends for the sake of it.

but i still need social interaction so when people show interest in me, its not like i push them away? and idk how to let them know that even tho i care about their wellbeing, i kinda don't really care about making an effort to keep them *in my life* specifically. so they're caught by surprise if something comes up and im just willing to let the relationship fall away if it seems like too much to reconcile. ive cultivated skill and interest in conflict resolution, but im still not super motivated to explain my position to people if they're too far off from where im at.

[bloobydabloob]

Idk if this is ur type of music but i love listening to Talkshow Boy while drawing striders&dirkjake i think its a fun vibe. Especially Testosterone & Chop Us Out though i have a hard time picking favorites especially with the testosterone(album)

Just got back from a degree show. Check out this awesome art before I answer, sorry for lack of credit. I went near the end of the exhibition and most of the artists had no business cards left sadly. Sigh. I’ll have a look & update the alt text if I can find credit.

I’m mostly a death grips / Fiona Apple guy when it comes to music nowadays, if you are asking about taste. (My favorite song right now is coco mango diced by MF DOOM though) but I did used to listen to talk show boy when I was maybe 13 or 14.

From memory my favorite on testosterone was called something like “four breakbeats” or something. My bad, it has been a hot minute. I’ll relisten after this. I definitely understand where the Strider connotations come from with that artist though. I don’t think you’re alone either considering I’m also pretty sure there is a Dave Strider animatic to his biggest song. Ignore if I’m just lying here.

For songs / artists I associate with Dirk, I’m lacking. I have one song in my Dirk playlist and it is “declare independence” by Björk. (Don’t think he would listen to it, just associate with him). I do associate a few death grips songs with him but I think it’s purely by virtue of being a fan. (Specifically hot head, spread eagle across the block & I break mirrors with my face in the United States for Dirk / Spikes + culture shock + you might think he loves you yadda yadda for UltDirk. I recommend all songs. All good songs)

Here is a selection of songs on my DirkJake Spotify playlist though. Ignore if this is actually a sucky selection, don’t tell me if it is. I’m willing to explain any if you are curious.

Thanks for sharing this with me though. I’ll relisten to the album next time I draw Dirk… so probably soon. I draw that guy too much

[firstofficerkittycat]

every time someone makes a video about the worst dw episode in terms of badly handling social issues and mention multiple chibnall episodes but not spyfall i feel like im losing it

[fragmentedblade]

The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together

[local-magpie]

"i like to packbond with everything" is um. a really fucking concerning statement to make when discussing AI, especially the question of if AI can reach sentience. that really should be the very first alarm bell you learn to watch for when you get into studying AI 😬

[homewrecking-lore]

Getting roped into a holodeck session with Julian and Miles would be my personal hell. Literally the most bland ass situations. The first time you go it's like Quick James Bond Masturbation Sesh or WWII Pilot Simulation which is boring enough. But then the second time is the Alamo. The goddamn Alamo. Then you find out the rest of the senior staff hang out in a 1960s casino. Which, to be fair, is a lot better than the Alamo, but still embarrassingly lame.

[frosted-plasma]

what’s your thoughts on the Futurama revival

Anon I'm so sorry you're going to be victim to the longest post you will ever see. I hate it I hate it I hate it

HUGE /neg rant incoming (this show is my special interest and has been for YEARS. This will all be rambling)

THEY FUCKING COMPLETELY DISREGARDED "MEANWHILE." It directly contradicts it. "I offered to reset time to the moment before time stopped!" Okay, but you didn't though. The entire tragedy of the ending was that they'd be doomed to relive their lives from the moment they met (s1 e1) on loop. "Want to go around again?" Okay so that line doesn't make sense anymore!!! I had theories upon theories before the season came out and I was beyond disappointed. This show has shown it can do deep thought-out themes, I was fully hoping for them to show them reliving the past again, maybe its their 1,000th time reliving it, maybe Fry or Leela notices for once that something is familiar about it. Hell maybe there's a 1 in a million chance that they DON'T break the button! Free will and all, maybe things aren't 100% the same each run and they get lucky once. This also could have been used to recap old seasons for people who didn't rewatch them

They don't know how much time has passed?? I understand that was an excuse to make it the year 3023, but why would you do that? What's the point??

Things such as the Scary Door reboot don't make sense, not to mention the overuse of "haha it's a reboot!! Get it?? It's a reboot!! We got cancelled!!!" jokes but I'll get to that later. Timeline things just don't make sense anymore because of the time freeze. It's an awful awful awful writing choice. They unfroze time right where it paused, canonically, they show them unfreezing exactly there, it makes zero sense. How is there new technology and new TV shows when no time has passed. I'm ignoring that it's "10 years later" because it isn't, you can't just say that without showing it, it literally isn't

Even the smaller jokes feel very dragged out? Like Bender laughing at Fry setting a goal in episode one. He laughs and Leela smacks him, his head spins around and it's funny, then his body does an extra spin for no reason other than to emphasize that it's a joke? I guess? And then not even a minute later she slaps his hand again and it dramatically flies back and hits Zoidberg. Do you get what I'm saying? It's just too much focus on every single bit

I do like the updated intro! The added details to the city in the background is super super cool!! I love the thought they put into it (Bender hanging out of the ship on the magnet is a bit much considering all of the other references they included, but I'll let it slide. Just doesn't feel necessary to me in the intro)

The animation is rigged now:/ it's bound to happen nowadays, it just feels sad to look at for me (in general, not just with this show) the characters (ESPECIALLY Fry) feel very off model sometimes:(

Fry's hardly in the first episode. Odd writing choice considering he's the main character

Oh my GOD. The Hulu/reboot references. It's EXHAUSTING to watch. The amount of 2023 references they crammed into this season is physically painful, they drag them out for SO LONG

(in the first ep) the non-binary robots joke was funny and the scenes with Calculon and the Robot Devil were the only scenes that felt like old Futurama! Their voice acting was great and it was funny! The rest of the voice acting feels very lackluster and most of the other jokes just didn't get me

Calculon and the Robot Devil were the funniest characters, that's how dumbed down they made Bender, he's not my favorite that season

The plots are just. Bad. I hate to say it I really do. Shut up with the reboot jokes, the covid19 jokes, the only decent one was the bit mining episode because it actually used the idea as a real jumping off point and that episode still wasn't revolutionary. The other half of the episodes are pure callbacks. The one with Amy and Kifs kids was cute because it had a reason to exist! It wasn't a very funny episode but it was cute!! The other ones like the worm parasites in nibblers litter box (OR GOD FORBID THE ONE WHERE THE TIME MACHINE SHOWS UP OUT OF NOWHERE AGAIN WITH NO DRIVER??) make me MAD with how lazy of an excuse they are to cram in a reference without matching the rest of the lore

I'm fully assuming the reboot came from a place of love from the writers and the VAs but personally I didn't think the new season was very funny nor did it add anything new to the series, and it felt very very bland and dumbed down and I didn't even pay attention to the last few episodes because of it (that is saying something coming from me)

I rewatched the first episode for this so this is mainly talking about that one. Tell me if you want me to talk about the others I have so many thoughts this is me summarizing like all hell I hate the plots so much and this is my all time favorite show I'm still going to watch the next season and I still have high hopes for it

[toestalucia]

Vania: Mommy… You're watching, right? Are you happy too? Choice: She is, no doubt.

critical damage. but the fate ep parent hell didnt end there, i am so sorry for reading petras so late cuz hellooo?!?!?

Petra: (If the true Andras is somewhere in the Abyssal Forest, then that's also where Mother's journey would have ended. Will she be there? What would I even say to her? Should I ask her why she abandoned me? Or should I… No, I can't think about that now. I have to concentrate on stopping Andras.)

Karla: I have regrets. There are many things that I still want to do. That I was not able to be a mother to Petra hurts most of all. More than anything else, I wanted to be there to see her grow up…

Petra: It's not fair… Saying goodbye like this… How am I supposed to stay angry at you?

the (captain) io petra club of parents who left them to do something rly cool(save ppl). the added fact that with vanias situation where gran doesnt have any memory of their mother & what walfrid shared was very vauge and doesn't know either if their mom is dead or alive (rising hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha). also last years holiday seasonal with yaia & her mother.......like i truly think that its a dialogue option that becomes a lot more personal from captain, because even if gran has no knowledge about their mom & thus mentions her a lot less / doesn't have the same type of loneliness about her as they do with their dad, it's still pretty clear that they were curious as a kid & wondered what was up with their family. so i feel its very..............im sure she's watching, because thats what im hoping for my mom too. yknow.

as for petra that section felt terrible cuz. like i KNEW it was there, i knew about petras lore. i knew she was in a similar situation as captain & io. but having her voice it like this..........'should i ask her why she abandoned me' LIKEEEEEEEEEE....that epic scene in no rain no rainbow that they reused for and you (i think it was????) with captain crying & being comforted by vyrn with very similar questions. the anime s2 too. ugh.....u better keep dad alive. makes act3 such a heartache too since they fell to the edgelands as dad left, found out estalucias real name, found out repti had known dad & that? the last thing anyone has seen of dad is very likely him standing in front of the omnipotent(s clone) ?????? which makes me so damn dizzy in consideration of dad arriving at zinkenstill alone with captain & mom (&dads) position with bahamut. going to estalucia.....dad........ yeah my dad is at this fabled island oh no he met a being whose radiance blinded repti & even seeing it from the mask hurt hailaks eyes is he ok we dont know we can just push forward oh no the sky is broken. LIKEEEEEE ???? not to mention seed of redemption (which IS set after/around edgelnads right........i heard water lecias fate eps reference some stuff......which EVEN MORE makes sense of captains reaction of running away like they JUST missed their own dad & met mika&shitori who dad was telling stories to and whatnot + finding out either before or after whats actually up with their family. like the emotions are in SHAMBLES during that. adding on borrowing/using the omnipotents power during heart of the sun like. can i. can we. ???????????? do u get me. desperately holding onto anything that lets them be closer to their dad, even if it the logic doesnt make sense.

'how am i supposed to stay angry at you' petra im gonna be ill. i love you so much. desperately need a 'left behind by our parents' login story. ill read the lvl100 fate tmrw i cant deal with this rn<//3

in grans case especially & how i write them i think the 'i understand that my parents are likely doing something very very important' and 'i wish they werent/i wish they choose me instead' are sooooo messy..............lov things like that. love petras dialogue. love how gran can understand her wholeheartedly in that moment, even if she doesnt speak of it.

[cerealforkart]

Wow. I am reeling unexpectedly hard from the RT news

I can’t say I didn’t see the writing on the wall, especially after they cancelled RTX but… jeez I’m a lot sadder than I thought I would be

That was a huge chunk of my childhood, something I loved, something I shared with my sisters, and now it’s gone I’m a lot more upset than I thought I would be

[sunbloomdew]

my candy love high school life ep 29 description sounds so condescending, they really said "wow, you FINALLY have a bf?? took you long enough" WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DESIGNED THE GAME THAT WAY

[sharkjumpers]

aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)