#simon van dracula

[rosetyler42]

Technically more bulk and muscle than fat, but Simon is a big bulky brick shithouse is because I noticed not alot of people gave their Drericka boys the Van Helsing body type - all of the Drericka kids I'd seen were skinny beanpoles. Which, is understandable considering Drac and Ericka are beanpoles but...I wanted some variety. So I gave Simon kind of a mix of Dracula's frame but bulkier (mostly because I wanted something that looked a bit better than the "huge brick with very tiny arms and legs" look.) He ended up looking alot like Pugsley as a kid, which was appropriate for a Hotel T oc. Now, I do deal with fatphobia with him, but part of the point of Hotel T is dealing with discrimination. Plus I myself have faced fatphobia for being large framed, not following diet culture in part due to past eating disorders, or not having a BMI within "acceptable" range.

Fat character design my beloved...

[rosetyler42]

Thought this one'd be fun.

Lucy showing off her powers and pranking by flying the twins, Simon, and Gideon around while chanting "Ancient Sins."

I liked the idea that Lucy would LOVE messing with and scaring Lil Gideon both as a get back for what he did to Dipper and Mabel, giving him a taste of his own medicine AND to show him how someone with TRULY innate psychic powers does things. Also, I couldn't help but imagine Dipper having a little PTSD from Lil Gideon attacking him (that Lucy doesn't really know about here)

I know Gideon does genuinely get better but...he's still the kind of person Lucy would LOVE to mess with. XD

@martin44444 @lovelylivelyv @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @serial-serializednovelreader @wingingfromthezing @heartsong1994 @kittyball23 @deathfangirl9 @crazybookenthusiast @genderqueer-bithing @howling-nightmare @nerdalmighty

[rosetyler42]

Had this idea bouncing around in my head ad and thought it'd be fun to get out. Being half monster themselves (not to mention all their other stuff) weirdness is nothing new to the twins. Along with her Dad's pride in monstrosity, Lucy in particular is very much like her mother and half-brother when it comes to being different: She KNOWS she's different and takes shameless pride in it. To her, weirdness is cool and something to be celebrated. Simon's a bit shyer and not as shameless, but as different as he is from his family, he's surrounded by love and acceptance for who he is to help him deal with ridicule by others.

Since Ford's dealt with teasing his whole life for his polydactyly and has had to hide it much of his life, I thought Lucy and Simon showing him their physical differences and telling him it's cool and not to be ashamed would be nice.

@lovelylivelyv @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @serial-serializednovelreader @wingingfromthezing @deathfangirl9 @kittyball23 @heartsong1994 @dolls-self-ships @genderqueer-bithing @crazybookenthusiast @morsobaby @ebevkisk @nerdalmighty @howling-nightmare @dreamlanddoll

[rosetyler42]

Today on "Putting your blorbos/OCs in situations" XD

I'm still hyperfixating on both Hotel T and Bendy, and particularly Secrets of the Machine playthroughs. So here's a little something I've been imagining while watching those: Lucy and Simon have a run-in (haha) with Bloodwheel/"Gaskette"/Riley Wells while exploring inside Bendy's game.

For those that don't know: Bloodwheel is the horror version of Gaskette and possibly the inky reincarnation of Riley Wells, an artist who lost her parents in a car accident and who's life is explored in the game. She's the murderous monster car you encounter after going through Riley's memories...and since the way to the drawing room is blocked off and the door disappears when you activate her, there's normally no escape from her vrooming, break-squealing pursuit.

Don't worry: They'll be fine. I have 2 possible outcomes here. 1. Lucy saves both of them by turning into a bat, grabbing Simon and heading up before Bloodwheel can get to them, or 2. Jack Nephalem/Hijack steps in somehow to save their butts.

I did take a bit of liberty in letting the grill/mouth on Bloodwheel/"Gaskette" light up, but I was trying to get things across without showing Gaskette.

@lovelylivelyv @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @serial-serializednovelreader @deathfangirl9 @heartsong1994 @kittyball23 @wingingfromthezing @ebevkisk @howling-nightmare @roydoodler-blog @doodledrawsthings @thedobermutt @thedopedemon @thedemonsurfer @inkiedraws @inkhyaena @inkspottie @inkwelldevil

[rosetyler42]

Simon and Lucy have gotten the worst of this, especially Simon. Sorry, kids, your cartoony monster franchise is about discrimination and oppression and why it's bad. And my queer multiply disabled womanly ass is gonna play in the sandbox.

Simon gets the worst of this for the fatphobia (somewhat inspired by my own experiences as well as that of others) but being queer monster human hybrids, the children of an ex-monsterhunter and genocide accomplice as well as Count Dracula himself, and having Jewish ancestry including having their half sister's mom killed by an angry mob of humans...they BOTH get it.

Now, things are way better than when Mavis or even Dennis was growing up, abd humanity IS generally good. But...ya know, people are going to be people and sometimes, people do suck. Just because monsters came out of hiding and are more accepting doesn't mean everything's going to be hunky Dory Kum baiya all the time. Even in the movies, there's still microaggressions, unlearned internalized biases, and clearly still SOME full-blown racists hanging around on both sides if HT2 and HT3 is anything to judge by. It's like how it was said in Luca: "Some people will never accept him, but some will. And he seems to have a nack for finding the good ones." <<<<That's kind of my tack for HT writing.

sorry in advance, my babies

[rosetyler42]

You can thank @black-ak9 and @tag-that-oc for this. It was inspired by @tag-that-oc 's sibling post about which OCs would get into a fake swordfight. I commented that Simon and Lucy would re-enact Wednesday and Pugsley's Shakespere scene from the Live action Addams Family, and @black-ak9 gave me the idea to draw it. XD

The inspiration post:

@lovelylivelyv @twinklecupcake @hotelt-resurrection @ssleeping-in-a-coffin @sine-qua-noon @drericka @drericka-prompts @drericka-is-lyfe-blog @erickadracula @erickaanddraculasblog @ericka4ever @gothicthundra @ebevkisk @deathfangirl9 @elenadracula @f-mhoteltransylvaniacomicseries @kittyball23 @neo-storm @drerickastan @serial-serializednovelreader @wingingfromthezing @heartsong1994

[clockworkvampyre]

was drawing just now and thought of this

[rosetyler42]

Hi! I'm curious to know about your Hotel Transylvania OC's 😁

Get ready for an Infodump below the cut! XD

Lucy and Simon Van Dracula, or the Van Dracula Twins, are my version of Drericka ship children. They're born 13 min apart by Cesarian, and were something of a surprise considering Ericka's advanced age.

Lucy (full name "Lucille") is the oldest, and despite her vampire powers and pride in being monstrous, she takes after her mother and Brother-in-law. She's a chaotic mischievious free-spirited laid back fun-loving charmer, a real little Terror who knows her legendary status and is proud of it. Unlike Dennis or Mavis, though, Lucy has a PRIDE in her monstrosity. She ENJOYS it. In a way, she's something like Ericka's chaotic inner child given voice, and given the monstrosity Ericka and Johnny never got. She's also has far more freedom and social interaction growing up than Mavis, having grown up around both humans and monsters when monsters no longer had to hide...and Ericka's far less uptight a parent than Drac or Mavis, as she wants her kids to have the freedom she never did and she herself was training from a young age. Drac's also relaxed a bit over the century since having Mavis, though he's still the more uptight of the two. I figured him having to deal with a bouncy crazy ball of chaos for a kid would be funny, considering he's not good with chaos XD She's into dramatics and art/drawing, is a natural at languages, and has her mother's skill in gymnastics and martial arts...augmented by her father's vampire powers, of course! Unlike Dennis, she can also hypnotize and has hypnosis resistance, and her animal transformations are fully dark brown like her hair instead of black.

If Lucy is Ericka's inner child, Simon is Drac's. He's sorta what would have happened if Dennis or Drac never got Vampire powers. Like his father, he's on she shyer, quieter, more timid side and is the pragmatic braincell to Lucy's shenanigans. That said, there's something of a "Beware the quiet ones" to him. While his family is loving and accepting, he feels like the odd one out, both due to his lack of powers and unusual chunky size, and has had to work to be scary. Ericka and Drac both went to great lengths to make sure Simon never went through feeling like the "Weak little boy" Dennis did, and since Ericka and Drac aren't as overprotective, Simon's less over-sheltered than Dennis was. Where Lucy is the "Looks like she could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll," Simon inherited his mom's "Looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually KILL you" tendency. And like her, he'll do it either with deadly coldness or a smile. Ontop of this, the boy has a love of sailing and the ocean...especially the more scarier aspects like Pirates, electric eels, sharks, piranha, squid and octopi, and of course...krakens and other sea/water monsters. He also has his mom's love and nerd-dom of weaponry. It's part of his way of being scary. I've also drawn him and Dennis playing with the old "My First Guillotine" somewhat inspired by the scene in the HT2 novelization where Dennis uses the guillotine to chop off an action figure's head and that scene in Addams Family Values with Pubert, Pugsley, and Wednesday. Simon's more into cooking and playing the ukelele in terms of hobbies, and while he isn't as good with languages as his sister, knows a fair amount.

Dynamic-Wise, they're kinda like Ian and Barley from Onward, Wednesday and Pugsley from The Addams Family, Zack and Cody from the Suite Life, or Phineas and Ferb.

Both of them have slowed aging after 5 years old, enhanced durability, strength, agility, and speed (Though Lucy's is of course more obviously powered while Simon's more just beyond average.) They're a bit cooler than normal humans and have slower heart beats. And while they can both day walk, they can still sunburn and are allergic to both garlic and silver. (While Ericka and Drac taught them both to use weapons, they're not allowed to use wooden stakes or silver weapons just in case.) Although none of them are as deadly to them as they would be to a pure-blood vamp.

In terms of culture: James, Mavis, Dennis, and Abraham are the twins' main exposure to human things (esp. prior to school) as Drac and Ericka don't really have experience with normal human culture themselves. Since the Dracula family is Jewish coded and Ericka's family is christian coded, I decided the twins are interfaith, raised with both Christianity and Judaism so both cultures get celebrated without one overshadowing the other. Their Hebrew names are Shimown and Liorit for Simon and Lucy respectively. They're basically Russian, Romanian, possibly Hungarian going off the OG book, and Dutch. I also love the idea where... since Drac largely raised Mavis alone, and these two are twins to middle age parents...I like the idea of the pack helping raise these two. After all, Drac's apparently close enough to the pack for the Werewolf pups to call him uncle and Mavis to call Eunice "Auntie," so why not? Johnny and Mavis are even the god parents of the Twins and often the ones to help out since they live in the same building (and are the best options out of the pack.) They of course know everything about Martha and how Mom was originally trying to kill dad. Drac even made his own storybook saying how they met (The Drac-Tastic read along from the Bluray. "I saw it on a Blu-ray disc. Bonus stuff." XD) I also have a headcanon they're into Goosebumps, especially Lucy. Her favorite is Slappy. Simon also likes 2000 Leagues Under the Sea, and they both grew up with Sesame Street and Blues Clues. (I've been on a kick and hey, they're probably more tolerable than Kakie.) I also have the headcanon Lucy looks up to Johnny quite a bit, while Simon more identifies with Mavis, Dennis, and Frankenstein.

For names: Lucy is named after Lucy Westenra, the first female vamp turned on-screen in the OG book and adapations. Though in universe, Drac named her Lucille, probably from a mix of a female version of Lucifer and it meaning "Little Light." Lucy is a nickname. Liorit also means "My Light." As for Simon, I went with the in-universe idea Ericka simply had ancestor named Simon and liked the name. But in reality, I simply reused a name from an early version of Johnny (and possibly re-used into Ericka) called Simon Van Helsing, who was originally a monster hunter who fell for Mavis after finding the hotel. Simon and Shimown also means "Harkening" which is perfect considering Drac...could REALLY use a reminder to listen to others sometimes. XD

Their inspirations of course are something of a mix of Pubert Addams - both Normal and Addams-esque; Wedneday and Pugsley, Popeye and Bluto, @lovelylivelyv 's Bendy OC Jack Nephalem, Uncle Fester and Debbie, Abraham Van Helsing and the other large Van Helsing bricks + their bucktoothed overbite, Mother Gothel (kinda), Dr. Frankenfurter, Katharyn Hahn, Human!Drac, Vampirica, the HT2 Vamp Kids at Winniepecaca, "What if Drac had a humany son instead of a vampire after what happened with Dennis?", "What if he had a child like Johnny and Ericka?" The promo fakeout for Dennis being a "little terror", Martha art with brown hair, and "We've never seen a female Dhampir." They also kinda bear a resemblance to Pinky (PATB) and Young Man Rivers (Foster's Home.) Though that was unintentional.

I got alot more about these two, but I already stayed up too late and I need to go to bed. XD Will probably reblog with more pictures soon.

Tag list @lovelylivelyv @i1lyidkstupid @hotelt-resurrection @ssleeping-in-a-coffin

[rosetyler42]

In Lucy and Simon's case, whether they're alive or not is debatable. XD Being dhampirs, they're kinda between undead and fully living. Lucy in particular, since she's a vampiric dhampir while Simon's a humany one. they're both rather durable and not easy to kill due to powers, fight training and/or use of weapons. Simon's also got his father's cautiousness and his mom's practicality, while Lucy...well, she IS half vampire, plus she has her brother around to be the brain cell. XD

why is your oc still alive? 

[rosetyler42]

So I FINALLY watched Gravity Falls and met Stanford Pines. Been actually thinking of this in some ways for a WHILE, but...I feel like especially Ericka and VH are now working with the Ghostbusters in my WIR-Verse AU, Ericka and Ford would get along quite well if she met him. They're both kinda strange lonely outcasts (And possibly monsterlovers?) with a love for the paranormal and a drive to help humanity. She's bound to be a better partner than Bill. And hearing of Ford's love for the paranormal, I could DEFINITELY see her wanting to introduce her OWN strange and unusual family to her new friend because she KNOWS he'll LOVE seeing an entire family of vampires, let alone a hotel full of monsters.

Drac on the other hand...takes a bit to warm up to his wife's new "Monsterhunter" friend. Especially now he has 2 new tiny babies to look after. He probably realizes Ford's actually not a bad guy eventually. He's just...bad with strangers. Vlad isn't sure he trusts this guy yet, and Mavis...she'd probably be excited to meet another human (especially one kinda out of time) but she's embarrassed by Dad and Vlad's reactions. Dennis isn't sure what to make of this strange old man yet.

I kinda took Ford's look from a drawing of him and the rest of the Pines meeting Toothless by @httyd-art-requests

Inspo:

@lovelylivelyv @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @serial-serializednovelreader @wingingfromthezing @dolls-self-ships @dreamlanddoll @kittyball23 @ebevkisk @deathfangirl9 @heartsong1994 @genderqueer-bithing @crazybookenthusiast @aepcinna @nerdalmighty @howling-nightmare

[nickysfacts]

The real Simon Belmot was less of a Vampire Hunter and more of a Turkologist!

🇭🇺🧛🏻‍♂️🎮

[thethirdromana]

Ages of Dracula casts

This ask made me wonder how close past Dracula casts were to the ages of the characters as established in the novel. Looking at these adaptations:

Dracula (1931)

Horror of Dracula (1958)

Dracula (1974)

Count Dracula (1977)

Dracula (1979)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

Dracula (2020)

In some cases characters are merged or changed; I've associated each character with the person who comes closest to having the same name.

Jonathan Harker (early 20s)

Dracula (1931) - David Manners, 31

Horror of Dracula (1958) - John Van Eyssen, 36

Dracula (1974) - Murray Brown, 37

Count Dracula (1977) - Bosco Hogan, 28

Dracula (1979) - Trevor Eve, 28

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Keanu Reeves, 28

Dracula (2020) - John Heffernan, 39

On average, Jonathan Harker is cast as 32.

Mina Murray (early 20s)

Dracula (1931) - Helen Chandler, 25

Horror of Dracula (1958) - Melissa Stribling, 32

Dracula (1974) - Penelope Horner, 35

Count Dracula (1977) - Judi Bowker, 23

Dracula (1979) - Jan Francis, 32

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Winona Ryder, 21

Dracula (2020) - Morfydd Clark, 31

On average, Mina Murray is cast as 28.

Lucy Westenra (19)

Dracula (1931) - Frances Dade, 24

Horror of Dracula (1958) - Carol Marsh, 32

Dracula (1974) - Fiona Lewis, 28

Count Dracula (1977) - Susan Penhaligon, 28

Dracula (1979) - Kate Nelligan, 29

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Sadie Frost, 27

Dracula (2020) - Lydia West, 27

On average, Lucy Westenra is cast as 28.

Jack Seward (29)

Dracula (1931) - Herbert Bunston, 57 (aged up to be Mina's dad)

Horror of Dracula (1958) - Charles Lloyd-Pack, 56

Dracula (1974) - none

Count Dracula (1977) - Mark Burns, 41

Dracula (1979) - Donald Pleasence, 60 (Lucy's dad in this one)

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Richard E Grant, 35

Dracula (2020) - Matthew Beard, 31

On average, Jack Seward is cast as 47, and also assigned Dad.

Quincey Morris (mid to late 20s)

Dracula (1931) - none

Horror of Dracula (1958) - none

Dracula (1974) - none

Count Dracula (1977) - Richard Barnes, 33

Dracula (1979) - none

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Billy Campbell, 33

Dracula (2020) - Phil Dunster, 28

On average, Quincey Morris doesn't exist. But when he does, he's 31.

Arthur Holmwood (mid to late 20s)

Dracula (1931) - none

Horror of Dracula (1958) - Michael Gough, 42

Dracula (1974) - Simon Ward, 33

Count Dracula (1977) - none

Dracula (1979) - none

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Cary Elwes, 30

Dracula (2020) - none

On average, Arthur Holmwood doesn't exist either. But when he does, he's 35.

Van Helsing (a generation older)

Dracula (1931) - Edward Van Sloan, 49

Horror of Dracula (1958) - Peter Cushing, 45

Dracula (1974) - Nigel Davenport, 46

Count Dracula (1977) - Frank Finlay, 51

Dracula (1979) - Laurence Olivier, 72

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Anthony Hopkins, 55

Dracula (2020) - Dolly Wells, 49

On average, Van Helsing is cast as 52.

[rosetyler42]

Lucy: Chaotic ADHD vampire, What if Dracula had Johnny for a kid?

Simon: Bluto as a good guy, what if Pubert or Pugsley had grown up normal

Jaren: Chinese weeaboo tries to make up for his mom's sins

Lizzie: American Dragon: Girl version

James: Accidental Dodgeball baby, what if Gru Jr was nice?

Connie: Kim Possible if she were a klutz and a slacker

Aaron: Genderbent KP

Vixen and Benny: Wildehopps 2, Electric boogaloo

Stitch-Angel Pups: The Grand Coucilwoman's nightmare in the Original film.

Kelly: Give the deux-ex-machina a peice of mole-rat ass so they can make mole-babies

Susan Tyler: Adventuring Goddess, what if Rose WAS The Doctor?

Alex Tyler: Space Nerd raised by the biggest space nerd

Meg: Franny K Stein is an alien

Lily: Supreme One in Turquoise

Describe your oc to me. Poorly.

[rosetyler42]

Sometimes having a kid that takes after you is not all it's cracked up to be. Especially when they're a monster.

Inspired by a piece from @stingrachelart , I started drawing the first but then thought of Ericks carrying both twins with a Grumpy Lucy which changed into Drac carrying Simon and having a bit of a naughty chuckle at Ericka getting a taste of her own difficulty and the fact she...kinda looks like Wayne as I realized. XD Who he ALSO kind of judged for not being able to control his kids.

@lovelylivelyv @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @martin44444 @serial-serializednovelreader @deathfangirl9 @kittyball23 @heartsong1994 @morsobaby @ebevkisk

[lotties-ashwagandha]

THE YELLOWJACKETS + HALLOWEEN 🍁🎃👻

happy spooky season day babyyyy i luv u guys sm happy halloween happy samhain beginning of dia de muertos whatever the fuck u celebrate i hope it’s spooky and perfect <3

SHAUNA

honestly could not give two fucks about halloween but she celebrates it because you and callie like it

you could convince her into doing anything you wanted tho whether she likes it or not

one thing she will not do is dress up tho. no matter how hard you try the most festive she will get is an orange or red flannel

she'd be so into watching horror movies w you tho and she would enjoy old corny kids halloween movies (it reminds her of when callie was younger) ,, her favorite is frankenweenie

she'd also sit outside on the front porch on halloween and hand out candy,, she'd make sure she had an equal amount of chocolate vs hard candy

tbh she probably enjoys halloween more than she says she does

LOTTIE

queen of halloween

has a whole playlist that she blasts around the wellness center on halloween,, will hand out candy to any kids that live in the cult n shit and it's the one night of the year where it's not mandatory to wear purple heliotrope

let's be honest tho girl will also go full blown pagan ancient ass ritual witch on halloween

will lecture you about the history of halloween in different cultures and then will be like "brb gotta go summon my ancestors!!!!! go get me my black tourmaline we gotta make sure snackie doesn't pay a visit!!!!! the veil is thin!!!!"

also enjoys halloween movies but can't handle the scary ones bc she deals with enough shit in her life

favorite halloween movie is fucking great pumpkin charlie brown (it’s her lockscreen too)

NATALIE

likes halloween because it gives her goth ass an excuse to dress alt as hell

binge watches horror movies and gets hyperfixated on the scream franchise

also probably has a halloween playlist but is less "spooky scary skeletons" and more alice cooper

gets drunk as hellll on halloween night and terrorizes little children

will like hide in trash cans dressed as chucky and run through suburban neighborhoods until lottie's acolytes chase her down and wrestle her back to the wellness center

lottie gets PISSED and misty has to come get her and take her home

MISTY

our girl lives for halloween

WILL wear matching costumes with caligula . they are handmade too

"caligula and i are being harry potter and hermione granger this year!!!"

will absolutely hand out candy

her and caligula binge eat all the leftover candy

will invite you over to make it a date night

is so unhinged tho and probably gets wasted and starts dancing to the monster mash

TAISSA

will eat dirt instead of chocolate

MmmMmmMmmm simone lookie look i found MULCH!!! IT"S LIKE CHOCOLATE BUT FOR FLOWERS!!!! nom nom nom *rips open package of fertilizer* let's get this party started girlie ;)

im sorry i couldn't help myself

VAN

decorates the store so cute for halloween

pumpkins and plastic bats everywhere and some vintage halloween movie posters

loooooooves halloween

will hand out candy to kids that come in the store (and rlly to anyone tbh)

on halloween night you’ll watch vintage halloween movies with her and she’ll either fall asleep by fucking 7:30pm or you’ll be up all night listening to her hot takes about dracula and frankenstein

[spacetrashpile]

DRACTOBER DAY 3: DRACULA 2000

Welcome back to Dractober, where I watch and rank one film adaptation of Dracula for every day in October! I'll be ranking each film on two one to ten scales (was it a good adaptation of Dracula and did I enjoy it?) and giving the film a final score at the end by averaging out the other scores.

Today's film is Dracula 2000, released in, who could've guessed it, 2000. This movie is executive produced Wes Craven, known for being the man behind the Scream and Nightmare on Elm Street franchises, but (despite what the marketing and title will tell you) he actually had very little to do with the film as a whole. It follows a Count Dracula who has been let loose on the modern day, specifically in New Orleans. He's on a search for a women who shares his blood, and has been born, not made, to be like him. I could get more into specifics, but I'll try and save the spoilers for the review itself.

Let's get into it!

Well, here we are, the first film on my list that I did not enjoy. I knew it was coming eventually, and it coming with the first film that was actually trying to be a Dracula adaptation and that presented itself as such makes a lot of sense. So, let's answer our first question, was this a good adaptation of Dracula?

This film presents itself from the outset as an actual adaptation of Dracula. We open with a shot of the remains of the Demeter, before we promptly cut forward to the year 2000, and the office of Matthew Van Helsing, a collector of antiques, and his assistant, Simon Sheppard. Thieves break into Matthew's shit to steal a sealed coffin he keeps in the basement, convinced that it's got? Treasure? Or something? It's unclear on what they were specifically looking for, just that they believed it was valuable.

Turns out, that's Dracula's coffin! The entire crew gets attacked as they travel with the coffin by plane to the US. They're all killed, and their plane crashes in the bayou of Lousianna. This is our modern day Demeter crew, except they all also become vampires, and the only woman also becomes one of our stand ins for the brides. Van Helsing travels to America to follow Dracula's trail, and is followed by Simon in turn. Simon is kind of our Steward and kind of our Jonathan.

In New Orleans live two roommates, Mary and Lucy. Mary has had nightmares her entire life of a guy who we know to be Dracula, and Lucy- who's full name is Lucy Westenra!- is her friend who suffers the same fate as book Lucy but with way less screen time </3.

All our main characters come together when Dracula arrives in New Orleans to hunt down Mary. Unfortunately, this leans into one of my least favorite things that Dracula adaptations like to do- making Mina (who Mary is a stand in for) into someone particularly special to Dracula to justify her obsession with her. Thankfully, this film doesn't choose to make her his reincarnated lover (my least favorite variation of this trope). What it does do, however, is much weirder.

Matthew Van Helsing is actually Abraham Van Helsing, who first encountered Dracula back when Bram Stoker was alive, and indirectly inspired Stoker's novel. However, Dracula, unlike the other vampires, cannot be killed by any means (that Van Helsing has discovered). After capturing and subduing Dracula, Van Helsing vowed he would live as long as Dracula did, until he uncovered a way to kill him. He's stayed alive this long by injecting himself with Dracula's blood, which he's been extracting from him via leeches.

OKAY?????

The departures this movie takes from the original novel only get weirder from here. Van Helsing establishes early on that Dracula (and the other vampires) don't actually experience a real aversion to the cross or other symbols of God, but that Dracula just really, really hates Catholicism. Keep that in mind. The only ways the vampires can be killed, by this movie, are by stabbing them in the heart or cutting off their head, and they have a sensitivity to silver. Keep that in mind as well.

We then go through a whole lot of movie that I'm not gonna summarize here for the sake of brevity, but Dracula collects his three brides, one of whom is Lucy, and also kills Van Helsing. Sad! We do get one moment of book accuracy here, with Dracula briefly turning into his big dog form to hunt down Mary. Yay!

Eventually, we reach the climax of the movie, when Dracula kidnaps Mary and Simon gets kidnapped by the brides (only after he kills one of them, though). Now that Mary's in his grasp, Dracula decides to reveal to her his backstory, and who he was before he was a vampire.

With all the things you know so far, I want you to guess what historical figure they made be Dracula. There are more hints present in the movie that I didn't touch on, but let's see if you can get it.

Did you guess JUDAS ISCARIOT? BECAUSE I SURE DIDN'T WHEN I STARTED THIS MOVIE.

This also falls into another trap that adaptations of Dracula tend to fall into. They think that Dracula is the main character of the story, or at least that he should be, so they try to give him some backstory or tragic motivation or something to make him land more as a protagonist. I hate when this happens!

The movie ends with Mary killing Lucy and Simon killing the remaining bride, and Mary getting into a fight with Dracula. Eventually, she realizes she can kill him by hanging him, as Judas Iscariot did when he killed himself. She hangs him off the side of the building they were fighting on, and he releases her from her vampirism before bursting into flames in the sunrise. You might remember that Dracula doesn't burn in the sunlight in the original novel, but frankly, this is like, the smallest slight this film has against it.

Now, back to the question at hand. Ranking this one as a Dracula adaptation is surprisingly difficult with the parameters I've previously given myself. I gave Evil of Dracula, which wasn't really a Dracula adaptation of all, a 6/10 due to it grasping the actual spirit of the novel and the characters pretty solidly. In hindsight, this was WAY TOO HIGH, but I'm gonna stick with it. But here's the thing- the previous two films on this list weren't really trying to be adaptions. Van Helsing wasn't trying, and had nothing to do with the novel at all, and Evil of Dracula wasn't trying, but it captured the spirit of the novel for the most part. Dracula 2000 was trying to be a Dracula adaptation, if a looser one in order to put in the modern day.

But I think it failed to do so in an actually interesting or effective way. It leans into some of my least favorite failings for a Dracula adaptation, as mentioned above, and anything that could've actually been interesting about the way this film adapts the story is overridden by the absolute craziness of it or the wildly underwhelming nature of the film itself (I'll get into that).

Mainly, I think this film fails to understand what makes Dracula what it is- our main characters. It's fine if we don't have direct one to ones of the main characters, I can live with that for the sake of moving the story into the modern day or making the plot a bit less convoluted (by cutting the whole suitors thing, for example). But the main characters of this film barely interact. We get maybe two scenes of Mary and Lucy interacting before Lucy dies, we never see Mary and Van Helsing interact despite their relationship, and Simon and Mary don't start interacting consistently until half the main cast is dead. Dracula is undeniably the main character here, as mentioned above, but I don't fucking care about this guy or like him! I'm here for the human characters, but the movie isn't, and it's a complete misunderstanding of what made the book good!

So I think I'm going to give this film a 4/10 for the Dracula adaptation scale. I have to appreciate some of the smaller things that manage to make it's way into the film, such as the Demeter, Dracula's wolf form, and the cutting off of the heads thing. But it fundamentally misunderstands the point of it all. This film focuses extremely heavily on the religious aspects of the original novel, which could have been interesting but again, falls flat. So much of what this film is trying to do as an actually accurate adaptation goes nowhere, or goes somewhere new and insane yet entirely uninteresting.

Now, did I enjoy this movie? I think you may have already gathered the answer, but let's keep going.

I was expecting a lot better from this movie. At least, in theory. Wes Craven is a big name horror director for a reason (though I have not actually seen any of his other films), and I was hoping the bad reviews were either a result of this being a cult-classic level actually good movie or a so-bad-it's-good film. It was neither of these things.

The movie definitely had it's moments- the fight between Marcus and Simon in the town hall was one I really enjoyed, for one. But it was greatly overshadowed by Everything Else. Firstly, there was the adaptation factor- I wanted this to be at least a decent adaptation, so the longer the movie went on, the more frustrated I became in that regard and the less I could enjoy it. But there was also the overwhelming misogyny of it all.

This movie does not treat any of it's female characters well. All of the brides (Solina, Valerie, and Lucy) fall into the "slut who has to die" trope, and have very little character outside of that. Lucy is definitely the worst example of this. She shows up briefly in a few scenes with Mary, but her greatest amount of screen time comes when Dracula goes into the record shop (CALLED VIRGIN SUPERSTORE BY THE WAY. FRUSTRATINGLY ON THE NOSE.) that Mary works at in search of her. He instead finds Lucy, who is instantly attracted to him and invites him to their house, despite not even knowing his name. She and Dracula then have a weird as fuck sex scene- part of which is ON THE CEILING. BECAUSE HE FLOATS SO THEY'RE ON THE CEILING FOR SOME REASON.- and he kills her. It's unclear how much of this is Lucy actually acting of her own volition and how much was Dracula manipulating her mind, but after this scene she (and the other brides) all only exist to be catty and bitchy towards Mary about the fact that she's Dracula's favorite girlfriend and to be sexy and tempting to Simon. You see why this makes the movie unenjoyable, right?

There's also a scene involving Solina after she becomes a vampire that... I'm not gonna describe too in depth, because it's literally just her being insufferably horny towards a police officer and a doctor. But I bring it up at all because it serves no point for the plot. Most of the horny scenes in this film you can argue, at least a little, that they're relevant to the plot. This scene has no relevance to the plot, outside of establishing that Solina is hanging out with Dracula after the town hall scene, which, y'know, definitely could have been done in any other fashion!

Mary also has basically no agency up until the end of the film. She spends most of this movie running around scared, up until the final 15 minutes where she's actually allowed to do stuff. And look, I know that the original novel is wildly sexist. I know! But that is actually something I'm fine with being left out of an adaptation! That's allowed!

I know I gave Van Helsing a lot of praise, despite it's poor treatment of the female characters, but the key difference here is that Van Helsing actually let the female characters do things sometime. Their motivations were pretty wonky, but at least they had some.

Dracula 2000 also has a lot of humor that fell flat for me. Some of the jokes did actually land, ("Sorry I'm an atheist"/"God loves you anyway" and "I don't drink [prolonged pause] coffee" for example) but most of it felt like it was trying way too hard. Specifically, the script felt like it was trying really hard to do the same thing this movie's marketing was trying to do- pretend this is an actual Wes Craven movie. It didn't work for me.

Frankly, I found myself too frustrated with Dracula 2000 to actually enjoy myself most of the time. There was promise in this movie. The character concepts could've, maybe, been executed well, and at the very least some of the fight scenes were actually really enjoyable, and it made me so mad that they were sandwiched into this otherwise really disappointing film. 3/10 on the enjoyment scale. Part of me is tempted to put it lower, but I have a feeling if I do another film on this list will be so frustrating that I'll regret it. Ultimately, this film wasn't bad, just not very good and deeply frustrating, so we'll keep 0-2 for films that are actually, verifiably, bad.

Overall, Dracula 2000 gets a 3.5/10. I could give you a TL;DR about all that, but frankly, I think you've heard enough from me. Hopefully tomorrow's movie is better.