#simon mckay

[kenpiercemedia]

Breaking News: Canada's The Agonist Has Disbanded

The Facebook Announcement: Dear friends, it’s time to make a very difficult but necessary announcement. We have decided that The Agonist as a band, has come to an end. Much deliberation and care has been put into making this decision, and unfortunately, given the circumstances, this is the conclusion that makes the most sense for the band and us as individuals. There are many factors that led to…

[nerds-yearbook]

Star Trek Beyond premiered on July 22, 2016. The film was dedicated to Anton Yelchin (Chekov), who died a month before the film's release. The film was used to celebrate the 50th Anniversary of the Star Trek franchise. It was the first theatrical release that protrayed Sulu (John Cho) as being gay, which created some controversy. The move was meant as a tribute to the original Sulu (George Takei), who is a prominent gay man and gay rights advocate. However, Takei responded “I’m delighted that there’s a gay character,” he was quoted by The Hollywood Reporter. “Unfortunately, it’s a twisting of Gene’s creation, to which he put in so much thought. I think it’s really unfortunate.” J.J. Abrams handed over directing duties to Justin Lin as he was busy directing Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens. Simon Pegg (Scotty) co-wrote it with Doug Jung, Roberto Orci, Patrick McKay, and John D Payne. The film was nominated for numerous awards, but only won a Saturn Award for Best Make-Up. The film underperformed at the box office losing approximately 50.5 million dollars. The events of the film took place in March of 2263.

[chuckbbirdsjunk]

[deadpresidents]

I think you kinda covered it in the Presidential elections, but maybe biographies on failed Presidential candidates? I know there was a notable one on Romney that came out last year. I'd imagine maybe some candidates like Ross Perot, Bob Dole, John Kerry (snore), or John McCain would have biographies.

The Romney book you mentioned that came out in October is definitely work checking out: Romney: A Reckoning by McKay Coppins (BOOK | KINDLE | AUDIO). Romney gave Coppins incredible access -- not just when it came to extensive interviews with him and his family and his aides, but also by giving Coppins free reign to explore his personal journals, his archives, and his private e-mails. Romney obviously had a safe seat and decided that he would be retiring soon anyway, but that's still unprecedented access for a major incumbent political figure to give to a journalist. It's a really interesting book because you get a sense that Romney is somewhat tormented by his role in modern Republican politics and his inability to turn his political party back towards what it was when Romney was Governor of Massachusetts or even when his father was Governor of Michigan.

[tinyreviews]

Must Watch if you are curious about Stephen Hawking. It’s a good, emotional story. I am super curious about the polyamorous relationship but I think it is in service to the story not to make it play a bigger part.

The Theory of Everything is a 2014 biographical romantic drama film directed by James Marsh. It was adapted by Anthony McCarten from the 2007 memoir Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen by Jane Hawking. It stars Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones, with Charlie Cox, Emily Watson, Simon McBurney, Christian McKay, Harry Lloyd, and David Thewlis.

[kwebtv]

Series Premiere

Adventures in Paradise - The Pit of Silence - ABC - October 5, 1959

Action Adventure

Running Time: 60 minutes

Written by John Kneubuhl*

Produced by Richard Goldstone

Directed by Paul Stanley

Stars:

Gardner McKay as Adam Troy

Weaver Levy as Oliver Lee

Teresa Wright as Emily Forbes

Hazel Court as Laura McLeish

Robert F. Simon as Ned Hogue

Margo as Mrs. Hogue

Noel Drayton as Fred McLeish

Peter Gordon as Eric Byram

Leo Richmond as Island Chief

Michael Allinson as Police Commissioner

Robert Castile as Islander

*John Kneubuhl was the writer who created the character of Dr. Miguelito Loveless for the TV western series "The Wild Wild West"

[roguestorm]

Dr. Ewing doing a Kitty&Emma as co-teachers comic… I am exactly the target audience of Exceptional X-Men.

[theambitiouswoman]

Book Recommendations 📚📒

Business and Leadership:

"Good to Great" by Jim Collins

"The Lean Startup" by Eric Ries

"Zero to One" by Peter Thiel

"Leaders Eat Last" by Simon Sinek

"Outliers: The Story of Success" by Malcolm Gladwell

Success and Personal Development:

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey

"Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck

"Atomic Habits" by James Clear

"Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

"The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg

Mental Health and Well-being:

"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle

"Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns

"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

"The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne

"The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley

Goal Setting and Achievement:

"Goals!: How to Get Everything You Want—Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible" by Brian Tracy

"The 12 Week Year" by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington

"Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us" by Daniel H. Pink

"The One Thing" by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan

"Smarter Faster Better" by Charles Duhigg

Relationships and Communication:

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

"Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" by Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, and Ron McMillan

"Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" by John Gray

Self-Help and Personal Growth:

"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson

"Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown

"Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins

"The Miracle Morning" by Hal Elrod

"You Are a Badass" by Jen Sincero

Science and Popular Science:

"Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind" by Yuval Noah Harari

"The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" by Rebecca Skloot

"Cosmos" by Carl Sagan

"A Short History of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson

"The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins

Health and Nutrition:

"The China Study" by T. Colin Campbell and Thomas M. Campbell II

"In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan

"Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker

"Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall

"The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan

Fiction and Literature:

"To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee

"1984" by George Orwell

"The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald

"The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger

"Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🐈‍⬛ Queer Witchlit for Spooky Season

✨ Witch please (add these witch reads to your TBR, perfect for spooky season)! Posting this from my first Pride!!

🧹 Spells to Forget Us - Aislinn Brophy 🧹 Reverie - Ryan La Sala 🧹 The Witch Boy - Molly Knox Ostertag 🧹 Carry On - Rainbow Rowell 🧹 Practical Rules for Cursed Witches - Kayla Cottingham 🧹 Spell Bound - F.T. Lukens

✨ This Spells Disaster - Tori Anne Martin ✨ All the Bad Apples - Moïra Fowley-Doyle ✨ Her Majesty's Royal Coven - Juno Dawson ✨ A Marvellous Light - Freya Marske ✨ Runaways - Rainbow Rowell ✨ Mortal Follies - Alexis Hall

🐈‍⬛ Blood Debts - Terry J. Benton-Walker 🐈‍⬛ The Scapegracers - H. A. Clarke 🐈‍⬛ So Witches We Became - Jill Baguchinsky 🐈‍⬛ Three Dark Crowns - Kendare Blake 🐈‍⬛ B*WITCH - Nancy Ohlin and Paige McKenzie 🐈‍⬛ Remedial Magic - Melissa Marr

🧹 Witchlight - Jessi Zabarsky 🧹 The Dark Tide - Alicia Jasinska 🧹 Coven - Jennifer Dugan & Kit Seaton 🧹 Payback's a Witch - Lana Harper 🧹 These Witches Don't Burn - Isabel Sterling 🧹 Toil & Trouble: 15 Tales of Women & Witchcraft - Various

✨ Mooncakes - Suzanne Walker & Wendy Xu ✨ Summer of Salt - Katrina Leno ✨ The Mermaid, the Witch, and the Sea - Maggie Tokuda-Hall ✨ Basil and Oregano - Melissa Capriglione ✨ The Once and Future Witches - Alix E. Harrow ✨ Spell on Wheels - Kate Leth

🐈‍⬛ An Academy for Liars - Alexis Henderson 🐈‍⬛ Over My Dead Body - Sweeney Boo 🐈‍⬛ Wild and Wicked Things - Francesca May 🐈‍⬛ A Sweet Sting of Salt - Rose Sutherland 🐈‍⬛ The Last Sun - K. D. Edwards 🐈‍⬛ The Witches of New York - Ami McKay

🧹 The Midnight Girls - Alicia Jasinska 🧹 The Witchery - S. Isabelle 🧹 The Spells We Cast - Jason June 🧹 Now, Conjurers - Freddie Kölsch 🧹 Cemetery Boys - Aiden Thomas 🧹 That Self-Same Metal - Brittany N. Williams

✨ The Honey Witch - Sydney J. Shields ✨ Wild Beauty - Anna-Marie McLemore ✨ The Invocations - Krystal Sutherland ✨ Improbable Magic for Cynical Witches - Kate Scelsa ✨ Flowerheart - Catherine Bakewell ✨ Snapdragon - Kat Leyh

🐈‍⬛ Labyrinth Lost - Zoraida Córdova 🐈‍⬛ The Witches of Silver Lake - Simon Curtis 🐈‍⬛ Sweet & Bitter Magic - Adrienne Tooley 🐈‍⬛ Witches of Ashes and Ruin - E. Latimer 🐈‍⬛ Edie in Between - Laura Sibson 🐈‍⬛ When We Were Magic - Sarah Gailey

[liveinfarbe]

Simon Tolkien and McKay/Payne disagreeing over whether Adar should be Celeborn or a nameless ancient Moriondor and that’s how the ambiguous messaging happened which got all confusing.

Bringing this back for reasons

[goodwhump-temp]

FULL WHUMPS LIST;

Shows, movies, anime, & cartoons (Organized Alphabetically by TV Title)(pinned) - Message me if any of this is outdated! Organized whump of my posts

LIVE ACTION

Ray Palmer | Arrowverse Jake Peralta | Brooklyn-99 Tangerine | Bullet Train Richard Castle | Castle Ryan | Castle Dexter Morgan | Dexter Johnny Gage | Emergency! (1979) John Carter | E.R. Peter Bishop | Fringe Simon | Firefly Malcolm | Firefly Mike Schmidt | FNAF Movie Tom Mason | Falling Skies Matt Damon | Jason Bourne Jake Green | Jericho (2006) Hawkeye | M*A*S*H Steven Grant | Moon Knight Thomas Shelby | Peaky Blinders Shawn Spencer | Psych Daniel Jackson | SG1 Trip Tucker | Star Trek: Enterprise William Riker | Star Trek: TNG Rodney McKay | SG: Atlantis John Sheppard | SG: Atlantis Sam Winchester | Supernatural (S1-S15) Mark Wahlberg | Ted 2 Hughie | The Boys Shaun Murphey | The Good Doctor Dick Grayson | Titans Rust Cohle | True Detectives Cordell Walker | Walker Ryan Gosling | Multiple movies Owen Strand | 9-1-1 Lone Star

ANIME

Hajime Nagumo | Arifureta: From Commonplace To World's Strongest Ciel Phantomhive | Black Butler Ichigo | Bleach Yukio Okumura | Blue Exorcist Rin Okumura | Blue Exorcist Akutugawa | Bungo Stray Dogs Atsushi | Bungo Stray Dogs Yuu Otosaka | Charlotte Lelouch Lamperouge | Code Geass David Martinez | Cyberpunk: Edgerunners Allen Walker | D. Gray Man Saiki K. | Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Natsu | Fairy Tail Grey | Fairy Tail Yuki | Fruits Basket Edward Elric | Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood Edward Elric | Fullmetal Alchemist: 2003 (+ the Movie) Shoyo Hinata | Haikyu!! Nanase Riku | IDOLiSH7 Kuroko | Kuroko No Basket Cheng Xiaoshi | Link Click Lu Guang | Link Click Deku | My Hero Academia Natsume Takashi | Natsume's Book of Friends Yuito Sumeragi | Scarlet Nexus Kirito | Sword Art Online Cid Kagenou | The Eminence in Shadow Naofumi | The Rising of the Shield Hero Ashiya Hanae | The Morose Mononokean Vanitas | Vanitas No Carte Yuri | Yuri On Ice

CARTOONS

Boimler | Star Trek: Lower Decks Ezra Bridger | Star Wars Rebels Bumblebee | Transformers: Prime Optimus Prime | Transformers: Prime Ratchet | Transformers: Prime Smokescreen | Transformers: Prime Jack Darby | Transformers: Prime Lance | Voltron: Legendary Defender Robin | Young Justice Blue Beetle | Young Justice Batman | Justice League / Unlimited, JLA + Movies..

GAMES

Johnny Cage | Mortal Kombat

[lxstfathier]

Hiii welcome to my blog!

About me: my name is Mar, i’m 22 years old, mexican, autistic, and i love horses, music, literature and fictional characters <3

I’m here just to be horny for men that don’t exist, and hopefully make some friends, so don’t be shy to send me a dm.

As you can see, english is not my first language, so i apologize for any mistakes on my fics.

Requests: open! but only as commissions ✨

Masterlist

Star Wars

Good Girl (Luke Skywalker)

Princess (Luke Skywalker)

Mean (Luke Skywalker)

Midnight Sky (Luke Skywalker)

Sith!Luke (Luke Skywalker)

Dom!Luke hcs (Luke Skywalker)

Pornstar!Luke hcs (Luke Skywalker)

Pornstar!Luke thots pt.1 and pt.2 (Luke Skywalker)

Breeding thots / Dad thots (Luke Skywalker)

Lightsaber play thots (Luke Skywalker)

Master!Luke thots (Luke Skywalker)

Threesome thots (Luke Skywalker)

Friends with benefits thots (Luke Skywalker)

Closer (Axe Woves)

Call of Duty

Mi Niña (Alejandro Vargas)

Cachorrita (Alejandro / Rodolfo)

Cachorrita pt.2 Cachorrita pt.3 Cachorrita pt.4

Flowers (Alejandro Vargas)

Mine (Alejandro Vargas)

Heat (Alejandro Vargas)

Storm (Rodolfo Parra)

Animals (Phillip Graves)

Fantasma (Simon Riley)

Daddy!König hcs (König)

Cowgirl (TF 141 + Alejandro)

Five Nights At Freddy’s

Attention (William Afton)

Innocence (William Afton)

William Kinks hcs (William Afton)

Daddy!William hcs (William Afton)

Husband!William (William Afton)

William’s sidechick thots (William Afton)

Midnight Ride

Horny thots (Justin McKay)

Serial killer (Justin McKay)

Mark Hamill

Fortune Teller (Mark Hamill)

Award ceremony thots (Mark Hamill)

Thanks for reading my works!!

[conundrumoftime]

Thank you to Rotem Rusak from Nerdist who did ask them this & let me know! Alas McPayne dodged it in favour of their standard line on Celeborn but ah well.

Channeling s1 Galadriel: “Why, Elrond. You really have become a politician.”

But look at this as an answer to the question about the Uruk and Tolkien’s orc issues:

I am so intrigued! The show’s treatment of the orcs touching on Tolkien’s moral dilemma was one of my favourite things about s1, and then s2 did more with it but seemed to end potentially on a “never mind they’re all irrevocably evil now” note which was disappointing. (And learning that the s1 rumours about Adar’s role originally being planned as a shorter one were true AND that it was Simon Tolkien who suggested they might want to do more with him?!)

I have not seen any of the video interviews this time round because life is not very conducive to it now and also because I really dislike a) video as an interview format and b) watching interviews with actors about a role they’re currently in, so I’ve been so thankful to my fandom pals pulling out quotes and clips. love you all!

But I have been trying to keep up with the printed ones, so finally here’s a bit I loved from an interview with Morfydd about Galadriel also from yesterday:

Links:

Nerdist interview with Patrick McKay and J D Payne

Nerdist interview with Morfydd Clark

[wallwriterstuff]

Fault lines ||FosterDad!John Price x Teen!Simon Riley|| Part 5

Warnings: This is a fairly accurate representation of a Child Planning Meeting used to assess need and put supports in place for children who are struggling at home and/or at school. Swearing. Trauma responses. Mentions of violence and mental, emotional and physical abuse. Discussion of child services. Mentions of mental health and learning disability diagnoses.

Words: 4836

Summary: As John tries to put support in place to get Simon into school (and back to some sort of normalcy), the push back he gets shows just how much Simon is bottling up.

<-Part 4: Paint Over The Cracks

John hasn’t been in a place like this for decades, but the place smells familiar. The varnish on old wood and the faded, aged paint chipping off the wall in places throws him back to a time that he knows he lived through but feels separate from. John Price knows he went to secondary school, but the Jonathon Price who excelled at being mediocre in his classes feels very far away from the grizzled SAS Captain whose best asset was always his mind first, his weapon second. There’s this hum of noise that occupies the building, rumbles through the walls, a vault of stories waiting to be told and lives waiting to be lead that’s bursting at the seams. John remembered that feeling well; the feel of being confined by four walls and a test grade was etched into his marrow, fed that itch that had spurred him into the military when his parents had pushed for a University application.

It was the feel of a prison cell.  

“Mr Price?” The receptionist is middle-aged, smiles kindly, is overly polite, but her eyes scream at him to fuck off and let her work in peace. The documentation required to transfer Simon to this school had been a pain to collate and fill out, but John had painstakingly triple-checked every detail before handing it over to her for processing today. Simon’s about as settled as he’s going to get right now and the school’s have taken a while to get back to him about his application for a place, so Price considers himself lucky that he’s only had to wait a little over a month to enrol Simon. Old instincts flare when a sudden flood of people enter the corridor with him. Pupils spill from classrooms as he’s lead along a corridor and up some stairs, the loud chatter and laughter of raucous teenagers gossiping and laughing and loving and hating keeping his head on a swivel. It’d be easy to disappear in a crowd like this.

I can’t let Simon slip through the cracks.

“Oi Robocop! Gi’us your hat yeah?”

“Andrews! That’s not how we talk to visitors. Grow some hair and you won’t need someone else’s hat.”

“Ooohhh!”

“Mr McKay that’s well savage.”

Price shakes his head, ignores the little snotter and follows the receptionist into a meeting room. A tall, lean man with tired eyes and a cornflower blue tie stands to greet him and shake his hand. He’s got a laptop open in front of him and the lady across from him has an Ipad open in her lap. She’s blonde, bobbed hair and cappuccino eyes set in a young face that he thinks Simon’s demons will eat alive if given half a chance. The only other person with them is an older gentleman with laughter lines deeper than a canyon and the kind of gentle smile Price has learned to distrust over the years. He’s too cynical to believe everyone’s good at heart anymore. He tries to be more open-minded.

“Afternoon Mr Price, it’s good to meet you face to face. I’m Owen Croft, we spoke on the phone.” Price is glad when the head teacher finally stops shaking his hand – the clamminess was starting to irk him. He gives a polite nod to the two other members of staff in the room before taking his seat, pulling off the beanie and ruffling his hair a bit to let it settle. He’s been in a Child Planning Meeting before but, well, the last few kids he’s fostered haven’t had quite as large a history as Simon does. He pulls his own notepad and papers from his backpack and watches the way the older man’s eyes flick to it briefly. He can almost sense the relief in them, like the fact that their sitting there with someone who has actually has a clue is a rarity. Price gets a sneaking suspicion it is.

“Right, we’re going to start off by introducing ourselves and then we can talk through a plan to help integrate Simon into the Littlewood Academy family.” Owen Croft is far too cheery for the subject matter he thinks. “I’m Owen Croft, and I’m the Headteacher here at Littlewood Academy.” He turns his eyes next to the blonde woman who gives another one of those friendly smiles that his cynicism hates. He tamps down the irritation and mentally prepares himself for whatever the next hour might bring. He’s hoping it brings the biscuits down from the shelf behind Owen Croft.

“I’m Michaela Morris, and I’ll be Simon’s form tutor this year.” Price gives a nod of acknowledgement.

“I’m Thomas Edwards and I’m Support for Learning at Littlewood.” The older man tips his head towards him and Price gives another nod, feeling his own gut tighten.

“John Price…Simon’s foster carer.” It feels strange to acknowledge it out loud. He’s known from the start of course, but he’s been so busy being in the thick of it with the kid that he’s never really took the time to acknowledge his role in Simon’s journey. Owen smiles encouragingly and Price resists the urge to roll his eyes at him. He’s no unruly teen that needs a guiding hand anymore. The years haven’t been kind, and he sits before them now an assertive and grizzled old man ready to fight on a different kind of battlefield, the bureaucratic kind. Just you try and stop me helping this kid, just try.

“Okay. What we’re trying to do in this meeting today is establish a plan for enrolling Simon to our school. Today’s meeting is going to be focused on creating an accurate profile of his needs so we can support him the best way possible. So, John, can we start with a bit of background about how Simon came into your care and what’s been going well for you at home so far?” Owen has his hands folded near the laptop, poised and ready to type but giving the impression he’s fully listening. Price weighs each word in his mind carefully. There’s a lot to tell since Laswell’s last visit and he’s not really sure where to start with it all. Maybe the phone call that brought Simon to him?

“Simon has a younger brother, Tom. He took on a caring role and it was his wish for the boys to remain together but…welfare concerns don’t permit it. Simon found their mother. He’s seen a lot in the last 24 hours.”

Owen takes diligent notes, as does Thomas, and Price finds the feeling addictive. It’s a lot, to hold someone else’s trauma, and it spills over one edge into the next like a champagne tower cascading from him to them. Perhaps it’s the not the phone call he needs to start with but everything leading up to it. Maybe he needs them to know Simon starved to feed his younger brother when poverty kept food on store shelves and not in their kitchen cupboards. Perhaps they need to know of the level of abuse his father subjected him to, from bringing dangerous animals into the house to making him witness overdoses in seedy bathrooms at concerts a young boy should never have been at. Maybe it’s the manipulation of his relationships with Tommy, a brother he loves so dearly doted on by their dad until Tommy became just like him and bullied him to.

No, no the separation of the siblings is another issue. Price’s head spins with it all. They only need to know the labels, not the specifics, he thinks.

“He er, he found his mother after she was murdered. Dad was taken into custody for it and the boys got placed into foster care. Simon came to me, his younger brother was placed with another carer. Investigation since has turned up evidence of a lot of mental, emotional, and physical abuse towards both boys, but mainly Simon.” His answer is polite, professional, but inside he’s straining under the weight of holding it all in. They don’t need to know everything, just the challenges and working supports, he reminds himself. Simon’s story is compelling to tell and he wants to shout it from the rooftops, condemn Thomas Riley for everything he ever did to his sons and make the entire damn country wake up and realise what’s happening to its kids behind closed doors. It’s not his role or place to do that though. His job is to advocate for Simon, not use him as some moral fable or example of a failing system to force change.  

“He has a younger brother?” Michaela, is tapping at her Ipad to and the clacking of keyboards pounds like war drums in his head. Simon would hate having these strangers know all of this but it’s the only way to get him the support he needs. It still feels like a betrayal and it makes Price’s gut clench.

“He does.” He confirms.

“Is there a family plan in place? Visits?” Owen questions, eyes probing. Price slowly shakes his head, mind drifting back to Laswell’s recent visit and the meltdown it had caused. He thinks it would have probably been easier to tell the President World War 3 had been declared than it was to tell Simon that he wasn’t able to see Tommy again for a while. He’d not seen Simon as the emotional type before that night; the boy kept his emotions neatly tucked away, all compartmentalised with a daily rota of which emotion he could display and when. Laswell telling him he couldn’t see Tommy had a similar effect to tectonic plates slipping against one another, the grinding friction building and building until it exploded into an earthquake that shook his whole house. Well, the doorframe perhaps, after Simon slammed the door hard enough to crack the wood. Maybe the floorboards to from where he’d thrown the furniture about.

“No. Social services have decided it’s in the boys best interests to remain separated for now.” Price said.

“Of course they did,” Thomas shook his head, looking pitying, “It’s ludicrous how many siblings get split when there’s evidence that shows siblings have better outcomes when they’re kept together.” Price feels his face pinch and before he can stop himself he’s on the attack, a vicious guard dog coming to Simon’s defence. He’s only 8 minutes into the damn meeting. It’s a new record.

“Unless welfare concerns stipulate otherwise. Their relationship was completely pathologized. Tommy was favoured by their dad and became exactly like him. Simon took on caring responsibilities for Tommy and was so blinded by that side of their relationship that he couldn’t see his brother was abusing him just as much as their bloody dad. So no, it’s not in their best interest to keep them together. Simon needs a chance to be a kid, not a carer, and he’s done his time as a moving target.” There, that should set the record straight. Thomas is silent enough that Price thinks the point definitely hit home. It feels almost cathartic to have someone take the brunt of his anger, and he is angry, so angry, that Simon had to live through any of this bullshit.

“The night we picked them up Simon was trying to keep Tommy away from their father, but the kid wouldn’t leave him be, talking about how “the bitch had it coming” and mocking Simon about the fact he couldn’t cry to her anymore whenever he was mean to him.”

“Fucking Christ Laswell…what a little psychopath.”

Maybe not his most professional response but if the shoe fits…

“Okay so, things that have been going well at home?” Owen gently guided the conversation to something better and Price glanced to his notepad. His chicken scratch was barely legible and Simon had snorted when he’d seen it. The conversation had been…interesting. Simon didn’t give away much, but he’d told him a few things he liked about living with him. Price wasn’t sure if he really meant it or was just saying what he thought he wanted to hear but it made him feel better to think he was serious. For all of his personality traits it was Simon’s observational skills he somewhat admired most, born out of vicious necessity tragically but giving him the comfort to know that Simon was never going to be played by any old idiot.

“We’ve established a good routine. Dinner at the same time, lights out, calm time before it. I spoke to the doctor’s a few times to and Simon’s got melatonin to help him sleep, so he’s getting a full nights rest now. There’s been chronic bed wetting but we’ve found ways of managing it. Simon said he likes his yes basket for all his snacks to and playing with my dog, Riley.” Price glanced about as more tapping echoed in his ears. There were other small wins but he kept those to himself, little successes to cherish that didn’t need boasting about at this stage. They’d painted together just last week. Simon had willingly let him into his space, been open to spending time with him, and they’d talked a bit as they worked and got to know one another more. It was one of the first real conversation Price felt he’d managed to have with the boy. He’d left feeling better about his ability to cook anyway once Simon had declared his Bolognaise was the best he’d ever tasted. Sure, the kid was comparing it to a microwave meal but…well he’d take his wins where he could get them.   

Challenges were of more interest to the staff members though. He could see them all perk up like hungry dogs salivating at a steak. Simon wasn’t a steak. He admired it, the thought that they could be the one to turn this kids life around – hell he’d once thought the same. The truth was…trauma had no timeline. Some kids would make no progress despite every support and the best will in the world for the next 20 years. Others might flip on a dime and heal quite a lot in 5. It wasn’t about any single one of them at that table but the team they were creating. Simon didn’t need a hero, he needed an army, and Price would be damned if he didn’t spearhead it. If Simon looked back in 20 years time and remembered him fondly then he’d have done his job right.

“Simon’s not big on talking but the few times he has his language gets…colourful. I imagine that’ll carry into the classroom. He prefers to be isolated in his room a lot, likes the quiet, so I think he’d benefit from having a breakout space.” Price pauses, wondering how to word the latest meltdown he’d had as Owen nods along and types like the cat that got the canary.

“A breakout space is something we can definitely provide. Thomas’s support for learning room is also used as a Quiet Hub for our young people who need time to regulate on their own.” Owen informed him.

“I run a lunch club there to so if Simon finds the playground tricky, he could come and eat with the small group I’ve got going.” Thomas piped up, smiling genially. Price almost scoffed at the hopeful look on his face, knowing full well that Simon wasn’t going to be his best bud just because he had a table and probably those bean bags that were never quite stuffed full enough to be comfortable. He could safely say with certainty right now that Simon was probably going to hate Thomas Edwards – the boy didn’t do bullshit smiles and probing questions into his emotional state.

“Is there anything else you can think of specifically that will need supported? Any diagnosis perhaps? I know you mentioned that there’s a PTSD diagnosis in the works but I’m thinking other things like autism, ADHD etc.” Owen questioned and Price paused a little. He tilted his head.

“There’s no official diagnosis for any of those things, no, but…I see some traits of ASD.” Price admitted.

“Like what?” Michaela asked.

“He thrives on a stable routine, he’s at his calmest when he knows what’s happening. Struggles to hold eye contact. Seems to have a thing with textures for food as well. Doesn’t like the lights on full blast. Of course those could all be byproducts of his trauma to. Difficult to tell.” Price shrugged. Michaela nodded, Thomas humming a bit. With a quiet sigh, Price added, “I’ve only seen it once but he…got physical, last week. His social worker visited with updates on his case and he had a total meltdown. Furniture tipped and lots of throwing stuff with a complete lack of regard for the safety of himself or us. Shoes at the lightbulbs kind of dangerous. He didn’t get physical with us but…I wouldn’t have put it past him to try, once he feels more comfortable with me. He got quite confrontational.”

Price hates the way that Owen types all this up. Paperwork is a necessary evil and he knows it, he’ll never get anywhere with helping Simon if they don’t have all their ducks in a row, but words on a page and actually getting to know the kid were two different things. It felt definitive, having it written down, that somehow he’d formed this image of Simon in their heads that they were going to perform to, whether that image was the same as the boy in front of them or not. Deep down, he didn’t want anyone to see him like that. He wanted them to know Simon as the kid who loved dogs and plants, as someone who had such a big fucking heart and showed great care for everything he was given because he knew the value of things better than most kids did. He wanted them to know the Simon that loved unconditionally, even when people didn’t necessarily deserve it.

“So one of the big things we’ll need to focus on for Simon then will be relationships. It’ll be the cornerstone of everything we do going forward. He needs to know he’s got consistent, reliable people he can turn to for comfort and for help when he needs it. As his form tutor and foster dad, John and Michaela are going to be an integral part of that.” Owen reasoned. Price tried not to role his eyes and simply nodded along. He’d done plenty of training before he was allowed to become a foster parent and knew the importance of being trauma-informed. He’d had the 6 principles of nurture practically seared into his brain. He was just waiting for one of them to say all behaviour is communication.

“Remember that there are times Simon may well struggle to cope, but when he’s dysregulated we need to look beyond that to what he’s really showing us. All behaviour is communication.” Ah. There it was. Check that off the bingo card.

“Perhaps we could also give him a buddy? A point of contact that isn’t an adult.” Thomas’s suggestion had Michaela nodding.

“Oh I know just the boy! We could pair him with MacTavish. Friendly, quite popular so can connect him to other friends. I’m sure they’d get on great.” Her suggestion was made with enthusiasm and Price had to fight the urge to disagree. Simon absolutely needed a buddy but…well…he had the attitude of the grim bloody reaper didn’t he? Did they have any kids who were willing to put up with silent, probing stares and an aura so cold it could freeze the first ring of hell? Maybe they should interview for applicants…

He leaves with a foreboding feeling and the promise of another meeting to “touch-base” in the next 6 months. As they walk down the stairs they’re met by the Deputy-Headteacher, who looks perturbed by the intense presence that is Simon beside her. He’s put his mask on again, eyes dead and hollow as they glare out at everything around him in the foyer, clearly not happy about having to be here or the tour she’d led him on.

“There they are. We had a lovely time touring the school-“

“No we didn’t.” Simon cut in. Price had to swallow a laugh at the startled look on the Deputy-Head’s face as Owen tried to make things better.

“That’s a shame. Not even one thing you look forward to doing more of when you join us?” he probed. Price had braced himself for the answer he knew was coming but it still took all his willpower not to grimace.

“Going home.” Simon’s scathing reply has Price sighing quietly. The staff members blink, unsure how to handle him and his bluntness. It was a stupid question really, Price thinks, Owen had set himself up for that one. He meets Simon’s eyes and sees he’s at his limit, fists balled up in the pocket of that green Hoodie that’s not been washed since he came in with it weeks ago. It’s got a lingering smell that’s just the wrong side of unpleasant but Simon refuses to wash it still despite another subtle talk about hygiene the other day. Price is going to have to be the bad guy soon and stop him from wearing it out in public lest anyone think he’s neglecting him.

“Well…we’re looking forward to welcoming you to the Littlewood family, Simon. We’ll see you for your first induction day next week.” Owen offers him a smile and gets nothing in reply. Simons as stoic as ever, unmoving, stone-faced. He might as well have tried smiling at a brick wall. Price nods a bit and grunts out a thank you as he passes, giving Simon the permission he needs to head for the front doors and get the hell out of dodge.

“I’m not going there.” He’s quick to refuse once they’re outside.  

“Unfortunately, that’s not a choice. I can’t break the law by not sending you to school and this is the only one with space.” Price informs him as they reach the car.

“I’m not fucking going.” Simon repeats.

“Half a day. Your induction next Tuesday is over by lunch time.” He reassures him.

“I’m not, fucking, going, old man.” Simon grouses. Price has to take a deep breath, meets him with calm and collected cool.

“Simon, I’ve given you my answer. By law, you have to go to school. This one has space. It’s a choice that’s out of my hands now and won’t change.” He keeps his voice even and tunes out the venom in Simon’s voice as he continues to needle at him over and over. He hasn’t even put his seatbelt on yet and Price doubts he’s going to. There’s a slightly manic gleam in his glare that makes him think he’s been hovering at tipping point since Laswell’s last visit, and something as simple as visiting his new school is enough to push him over the edge.  

“I said I’m not fucking going! It’s not my school and you’re not my dad! You’re pathetic!” Simon spits.

“Put your belt on, thank you.” Price ignores the insults.

“No!” Simon snarls practically, sitting with his arms folded in the front seat and spitting curses at him.

“And how does that choice help keep you safe?” Price questions.

“I’d rather go through the windshield than spend half a day in that shithole!” Simon snaps. Price knows he can do nothing but ride out this storm, let Simon spew fire and spit acid until he’s burned out. Simon’s beyond listening, beyond words, so Price just doesn’t talk, even when Simon tries to provoke him to. It’s a strange dance really. Simon’s confident enough in knowing Price’s response that he can shout and swear at him till he’s red in the face, but he keeps his arms rigidly folded, his body physically trembling with the effort of holding back physically, because he’s not quite sure where the line is. Price knows it’s what he’s pushing to find, that line in the sand that tips Price from calm to furious, to shouting at him and proving he’s just as bad as his father. Price won’t let him find it, won’t let that be his life anymore, so he stays silent. It’s the only response Simon gets for the 15 minutes that he stews in his fury. It’s like sitting too close to a lion, makes Price’s adrenaline spike and though he feels the spitting on his cheek from gnashing teeth he doesn’t flinch, knowing better than to give a predator the satisfaction. There’s a quiet click of his seatbelt being buckled up.

“Thank you. We need to get home to help Riley.” Price says coolly, aiming for distraction to deescalate the situation further. Simon doesn’t look at him, but he doesn’t say anything either. By the time their home he’s amenable to taking Riley for a walk to the local park, the stubborn silence making it an uncomfortable walk for Price even though Riley’s having the time of his life prancing through the leaves autumn has dropped onto the floor. Dogs are clever little things and he’s sure that Riley can sense the tension, but he weaves through the gap between them and nudges at Simon’s hands all the same until the boy reluctantly pets him.

“I don’t want to go to school there.” Simon says as they walk.

“What makes you say that?” Price keeps the conversation light, open, not shutting him down even though he knows the answer will have to be tough, it’s where you’re going.

“I wanted the other one.” Simon keeps his eyes forward on the pavement at his feet. Price thought back to the other school they’d toured and hums slightly. The boy played his cards close to his chest and there was never any indication that he’d preferred that one more. Had he missed a twitch of a pinky finger or something? Even if he had they’d said the best they could do was put him on a waiting list only.

“What did it have that you liked better?” Price paused at the edge of the park, reaching down to unclip Riley’s leash and letting him go run off some energy. He doesn’t want to push him to far but it’s good Simon can acknowledge what had triggered him, even though Price knows it runs deeper than that.  For Simon it feels like he didn’t get what he wanted, but subconsciously Price knows that moving to a new school, away from old friends who had previously supported him perhaps, where he has to return to a home that probably still doesn’t feel like his every day to a man who isn’t his family, has him feeling at a total loss. It’s a decision made for him, a change he can’t control with too many unpredictable factors, and predictability meant safety. Where things weren’t predictable, they weren’t safe, and that feeling meant Simon was constantly on edge, always on the verge of being tipped into a meltdown at the slightest provocation. He’d just hidden it well until his brain recognised Price was safe enough to show his inner turmoil to.

“Pool.” Simon’s reply was short, but it made Price smile slightly.

“The swimming pool, huh? If you’re interested in swimming, we can get you a membership for the local pool. Did you want to swim for fun or join a team?” Price is met with silence for a little while as Simon mulls it over.

“Just liked it, I guess.”

“Well, the offers open anyway,” Price assures him, “Littlewood may not have a pool, but it does have space for you there, and a form tutor who’s excited to meet you. Did all that shouting and swearing at me change the outcome?” Simon huffs a bit, clearly not happy at being called out for his behaviour, but there’s a slight glimmer of frustration in his eyes that Price can tell isn’t directed at himself. Simon keeps such tight control over his emotions that the outburst has probably upset him more than it did anyone else.

“No.” he grumbles under his breath.

“Exactly, no, it didn’t. Sometimes, as an adult, I will have to make decisions you don’t agree with but are in your best interests. You’re allowed to be angry with me for that, but what you’re not allowed to do is let that anger hurt other people. We find other ways to channel that kind of emotion, alright?” His lecture is met with an eye roll and hunched shoulders. Price doesn’t push further, knowing that’s as much of a restorative conversation as he can get today, so instead, he pulls a tennis ball from his pocket and offers it to Simon. “Want first throw?”

Simon channels his rage into getting Riley to fetch as far as he possibly can, and Price inhales the fresh air to try and remove the sour feeling that this is only the beginning of a very long road.  

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Intruder, Pt. 1

From cloaking the city from the sight of the wraith we move onto cloaking Sheppard and McKay's relationship from the mainstream audience. We join our main characters on the Daedalus, on a return voyage home from Earth. They're returning with much more of their personal effects meaning that the people who are now returning had made the choice to move to Atlantis on a more permanent basis. They had left for Earth weeks ago through the gate which now, with the ZPM, was able to form a wormhole to Earth, whereas the Daedalus had made a slower journey back at the same time to pick them up from the other side. We know that they have been gone at least two months (as per Caldwell's statement later), possibly more, and an excess two weeks of which have been spent on the return voyage as they are now on the edge of the Pegasus galaxy.

This is where we find Weir enjoying a late night cup of joe joined by Sheppard, who saunters in looking at his watch seemingly checking to see that it really was as late as he thought it was. Clearly, he had not expected to run into anyone else there. Could even be that he had chosen this late hour because he was trying to avoid having company.

There were things that happened in the two months that we didn't get to see. One of the most notable changes is that Weir is now single, having been dumped for another (so far as we know) woman by her lover Simon. Sheppard and McKay also seem to have either ended or put their relationship on pause, which I'll demonstrate later. And this would conveniently leave two freshly single people that meet in the mess hall to have a late night cup of coffee, having been cooped up in a small enclosed space for a weeks. It's a good start for a romance, right? We actually see relationships form in this way in the franchise on a few occasions on timelines that are later erased. And they do certainly amp up the flirty behaviour between Weir and Sheppard which, as I've discussed before, was used to run cover for the other relationship taking twists and turns in the subtext.

But the thing is, if Weir and Sheppard's relationship would have been borderline impossible before due to many reasons (chain of command, military and civilian authority, Weir being a relationship, her age, Sheppard's trauma, USAF consultants), it is downright ludicrous now because Weir had just, unbeknownst to Sheppard, basically blackmailed the US Army into giving him a promotion. A romantic relationship between the two of them following this would probably have warranted a court-martial. This just clinched the fact that it was never ever going to happen between these two characters. What we do see is the deepening of their friendship. Weir had chosen to place her trust in Sheppard. And Sheppard was attempting to repay this trust by trusting her in return.

I used to think, as many do, that it was Trinity (S02E06) that marked a turning point in the relationship between Sheppard and McKay, and to be sure it does cause a major fracture. But it didn't come out from nowhere and the foundation for that is already being laid out here. We know nothing of what McKay did with his time on Earth, and only see Sheppard briefly visit Ford's cousin. There is not even a hint of what might have happened between them and it is only through the narrative mirror provided by Weir and Simon that we may begin to guess what might have happened. Weir is a parallel for Sheppard and Simon for McKay, and we see in a series of flashbacks how they arrive at their break-up.

We can't be sure how long Sheppard and McKay were... playing the game. We see the tension between them building up to it all season long but whether it had culminated into a physical relationship before Before I Sleep (S01E15) is more difficult to determine. The earliest time it could have started is after the events of The Defiant One (S01E12), and I've suggested 38 Minutes (S01E04) should actually be placed after The Eye (S01E11), where it would make the most narrative sense. The mid-season finale was a dramatic event that served as a turning point, Sheppard had come to realize how much this man means to him, and he tried his damnedest to fight these feelings out of fear that his love would get him killed before long. By The Defiant One he gave in, during Hot Zone (S01E13) they were definitely having sex with each other, and the nature of his relationship was only intensified by the impending attack by the wraith. Living under this constant looming threat made them cling to each other, intensified their feelings. Everything was more desperate, every time may have been the last time. Everything felt larger than life.

And then suddenly, it was over. They didn't have to fear for their lives every minute of every day, and especially didn't need to worry for the safety of the other person. They were away from what they had begun considering their home, the context in which this relationship had started and grown to fruition. They were safely back on Earth, trying to pick up the threads of the lives they had left behind there when they had stepped through the gate all those months ago, prepared never to return. Their lives were back on Atlantis and both were keen to return there, but coming back also gave them more perspective to what had happened. After all, it had only been a few weeks. The circumstances had been exceptional. They had been marooned with a limited set of people in an enclosed space for months, so there probably was some degree of prairie madness or cabin fever going on, the concepts of which would have been familiar to both from their stints on the Antarctic and Siberia. People could easily go stir-crazy in the kind of situation they had been in, it happened.

And then there were the hurt feelings, the soreness caused by the events of the last few days of the siege. Sheppard had been devastated by thinking that McKay had died, and when this was combined by the tragic events that had left him to self-isolate in the most remote part of his world originally, the impact was even greater. It had driven him to do something both dramatic and reckless as a result, and he hadn't even begun to deal with the repercussions of his actions. And while he may have thought he had the best of intentions, his actions had hurt McKay in ways that he had never been hurt before, and he had been hurt plenty. It was because of his childhood that McKay rarely if ever let anyone get close to him, allowed himself to be vulnerable with another person, to trust someone not only with his life but with his actual self without pretenses and disguises, without layers and layers of protective defense mechanisms, to actually be himself and believe that it was worth something to someone.

And then Sheppard had chosen to leave him behind, had shown that he did not trust him to be able to do this job, had disregarded everything he thought they had forged between them during those late night discussions, breathing the same air, melding together so close that their sweat actually plastered them together, sharing their histories and fears and dreams, living a lifetime's worth of love in the span of a few weeks. And then, it hadn't meant anything. McKay needed time to sort through his thoughts and emotions. He needed time to process everything that had happened. And he found it easy to lose himself in his work. The work, solving problems, had always been there for him. It had gotten him through his childhood, his adolescence, the lonely years of his professional career. It had always been there for him. Doing the work, he could be useful and maybe worth something to someone, somewhere, somewhen.

And then there was the issue of Sheppard's promotion to Lieutenant Colonel a month into their stay on Earth. If it had been difficult previously for them to keep what they were doing under the radar, now it was even more so. And Sheppard suddenly had a lot more to lose if he was discovered. Never in his life had he thought he would get this far in his career, and he was still trying to figure out how to fill these boots. While he didn't necessarily think it was worth sacrificing everything for, he did have to rethink what he wanted out of life, what was important, what he would be able to have and what doors it would close for him, perhaps for good. Yes, he loved Rodney. He was sure that he would always love him in some form or another. And hot damn, the ways he wanted that man. But no one had believed in him, that he would get this far, certainly not his father, not even himself, and he wasn't ready to give all of it up now just because his dick had an itch. So, they had decided to put a stop to what they had been doing. Whether they had talked it out or not, we don't know.

But this is how we find them. Trying to find their footing in a new situation, trying to learn how to work together without letting their feelings get in the way. Because fact is, both of these men love the other. They want to get to the other so badly. And given their respective circumstances and histories, it's obvious neither of them had ever had the kind of sex as they had with each other. But they both keep getting in their own way. Their pasts, their untreated traumas, their underdeveloped tools of communication and interaction, not to mention the rules and regulations of the military and the policies of the administration they serve under, keep them from getting to the other person for a good long while. With them, it was never a question of not loving the other. Love is what made it hurt as much as it did.

So, Sheppard joins Weir and they have a discussion where both of them are hiding some fresh heartache. Neither of them is big on sharing, so they dance around any serious topics:

Weir: Hey, what are you doing up so late? Sheppard: Couldn't sleep. Must be the burden of command. You know, ever since I was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. Weir: Alright, John -- it's been almost a month. When are you gonna stop trying to bringing that up in every single conversation?

Note that Sheppard starts the conversation by just outright lying to her. Obviously that is not the reason he hasn't been able to sleep and in telling her so, he's both telling her that it's none of her business and changing the topic at the same time. Sheppard makes it into a joke but clearly he has had trouble sleeping of late. He wasn't the one that had a hard time sleeping before the wraith attacked, and he had been very concerned about McKay getting sleep all up until the previous episode. It might be that he had grown accustomed to sleeping with someone, and now that he wasn't there, he wasn't sleeping so well. But what this establishes beyond a shadow of a doubt is that Weir and Sheppard are not sleeping together. The weeks that they've spent together on the ship's return voyage has not made them seek comfort in each other even if, engaged as they are in this conversation, they are leaning forward toward one another over the table (but true to form, Sheppard does place his arm on the table as a barrier between them, a barrier on real intimacy).

Further, Sheppard seems both proud and very happy about his promotion. It does display this trust that has developed between them that he is able to have somewhat of an honest conversation with her, he is able to open up about some things, even though he does still kind of make serious topics into a joke, turns them into flippant comments to downplay the impact of what he says:

Sheppard: You gotta understand, there's a lot of people in the Air Force who never thought I'd make it past Captain! Weir: Well, obviously the people whose opinions matter the most thought otherwise.

The implication here is that Weir is among the people whose opinions matter the most to Sheppard, and that we're supposed to interpret the look he gives her as confirmation of this. But he doesn't know she had a hand in his promotion. He doesn't quite seem to understand the meaning behind her comment, or her knowing smile. And the look he gives her is strange. First, he is smiling to himself lost in some thought and as soon as he processes what she just said, he looks almost angry. The pleasant, light and flirty expression, feigned though it clearly was, suddenly just falls off and there is something hard in his eyes. Also, we're meant to think it was his trouble with authority that had made people doubt his chances of promotion where his black mark, crossing enemy lines to rescue someone important to him, is not really indicative of a pattern of behaviour as it is an incident. If people have doubted his chances throughout his career, that clearly hadn't been the reason.

Sheppard says that there were a lot of people in the Air Force that had thought this. What he doesn't say is that he very likely thought his father believed the same thing. It was his father's plans for him that he had escaped into the military. But given the influence wielded by his father and his brother's propensity for "handling things," whether he even knows it or not, Weir may not even be the first person to see that he receives a promotion he doesn't quite deserve. At the very least his father had made the repercussions of his disobeying a direct order in Afghanistan disappear, and given that the difference between this reality and the one where he had been kicked out of the military was the gender of the person he rescued that he had been "...involved" with, his father almost certainly would not have wanted what might have been an extremely public trial (DADT + Afghanistan + US servicemen as casualties) associated with his name.

The incident would have made the news even without the sordid details but given that his sexual orientation seems to have been the reason Sheppard thinks that his father disowned him, the old man certainly would have wanted to bury all the details pertaining to the events miles deep into the ice of the Antarctic. So one has to wonder whether the hard look Sheppard gives Weir is masking some of these memories. He is also likely reminded of just what the people who didn't "think otherwise" had thought about him, what he has been told throughout his career. The fact that a whole month later he himself doesn't seem to quite believe this is true may be related to this. The joking tone in which he makes his confession may actually be hiding a much darker history than he lets on. What we do know is that he, again, changes the topic very quickly following this.

The look Weir gives him seems a bit cheeky, a "being in the know" kind of look. It may be Weir's way of letting him know that she gets it, gets why all those people would have doubted his ability to advance in the military, and fuck all those people. The opinions of homophobic officers don't matter to her and they shouldn't matter to him. Because at this point, she still probably thinks he's gay-gay, she has no reason to think otherwise. If anything, Weir might suspect McKay is bisexual because of the reputation he's tried to uphold during his time civilian contracting for the US military, which is hilarious in itself.

But that is what she thinks he's referring to. It's what she thought the all male panel that fought her on this had been referring to, and she personally certainly thought she could use someone that wasn't a middle aged straight white guy in her corner. And it's not even that she was wrong in thinking this. Probably there were a lot of people he had served with who thought and even wished that he was held back because he just couldn't keep that dick out of his mouth for very long. Because that kind of promiscuous behaviour was one way he thought he could run away from his feelings and not have to face them. It was also a subtle way of bucking authority, and during his time in the military Sheppard has certainly figured out all the different ways authority could be bucked.

All the same, with Weir having recently broken up a long-term relationship, he can tell that she too seems not entirely herself. Not wanting to talk about the people who thought he would never make it past Captain, Sheppard changes the topic for the once more:

Sheppard: What about you, what are you still doing up? Weir: I think I got used to falling asleep to the sound of the ocean. Sheppard: Well, McKay says we're already at the edge of the Pegasus galaxy. You'll be fine once we get back to Atlantis. You know, it's funny... I spent the past year wondering if I'd ever see Earth again, and as soon as I got there... Weir: I know how you feel. It was extremely convenient to be able to step through the Gate and be at Stargate Command in an instant, and now this... feels extremely inconvenient, having to spend eighteen days cooped up in the ship to get back. Sheppard: Well, until we find another ZPM to power the Earth Gate, that's just the way it's gonna have to be.

So, Weir also is unable to sleep because she too had gotten used to something on Atlantis that she did not have on Earth or now on the return voyage. For her, it was the sound of the ocean. For him, it was the sleeping sounds of the person whose name he can't keep off of his tongue no matter how much they may have taken time to think things over. McKay was still the most important person in his life. McKay was still on his mind all the time. McKay was the one whose presence he missed like a phantom limb.

While this seems like an ordinary conversation between colleagues or even friends, there are two people sitting in this table that are doing their best to hide the pain of a broken heart. The way he speaks McKay's name, he almost makes it sound normal. Almost. It is the fact that he's putting up his charming school-boy persona that betrays him. He is performing ordinary, normal, regular, a-ok. He is keeping his tone purposefully light and playful. Even though he is much better at this than Weir is, they are both going through similar pain.

Clearly Sheppard and McKay were still talking. They were still spending time with each other. They were trying to find their footing, pretending like they could still work together like nothing had happened. They were still a team, they were partners, a lot was riding on their ability to push their personal feelings aside and be able to function as a unit for the good of the expedition, for the good of Atlantis, and it was good that they had these few weeks together on the ship to test out their ability to work together. Maybe it would be ok. Maybe they could do this because if he was good at something, it was ignoring the ache in his heart, pushing down the pain so that it would not get in the way of performing his duty. It might even be better this way because now, he would not be distracted from keeping that man alive.

However, all of this was about to be put under a stress strain test. It seems there was a late night murder mystery on board.

Continued in Pt. 2

[superectojazzmage]

First issue of the From The Ashes era is out and I'm still very bleh about the new direction for the X-Men after the glory of Krakoa (or rather, the glory of Krakoa as it was when Johnathan Hickman was involved).

The book itself is fine, good even. Jed McKay is a great fit for X-Men and a wonderful writer in general, he's clearly trying his best even if he has the mess of Fall of X hanging over his run. And to his credit, he's facing that issue head-on instead of trying to sweep it under the rug. All in all, this and Gail Simone's book are the both really looking like they'll be a lot of fun and I could see one or both of them becoming the next great run for the X-Books if things play out well for them. Like how the otherwise terrible Decimation/Utopia era has the utterly classic, must-read Uncanny X-Force plopped in.

But the problem is, they're the ONLY books that seem particularly interesting and like they're seriously trying to carry on from where Hickman left off thematically speaking, certainly the only ones where I feel like have a really good handle on the characters, themes, and vibe of X-Men. The others all feel very lifeless at best.

And a bigger problem hanging over it all is the way Krakoa was screwed over and the way editorial has once again torn the X-Men's progress down and forced the same shitty "mutants are near-extinct" status quo that nearly destroyed the series decades ago now. It doesn't help that Krakoa was a huge jumping on point for newbies and is arguably to credit for the newest generation of X-Fans. Every book in this "fresh start" has this looming in the background and aside from McKay and Simone, it feels like everyone is now flailing to figure out where to take the franchise from here, now that they've basically burned down the greatest leap forward it made since the Morrison run, possibly since Claremont's legendary run.

Holding onto hope that, if nothing else, From The Ashes will produce an enjoyable book or two in the form of Simone and McKay's runs. And maybe that it won't be too long before the writers and editors as a whole once again stop being afraid to push things forward instead of dwelling in the past.