#silencedrage: nat.

[ladyintree]

@silencedrage sent ⚠️ for an urgent starter.

She hasn't given herself the chance to process what's happening before them now, what had come to be their 'home' in the middle of oblivion now burning to the ground, leaving them with no shelter, no warm, no chance of pretending there's one last shred of hope for them. From the moment the smoke hit her nose and Shauna's voice rang throughout the burning cabin, it was all about survival --- throwing as many of her things together as she could, reaching for the ax, and working to get them out yet another trap. When they were freed, it was Nat she looked for first, Nat's hand she grabbed to get out safely, Lottie's words already engrained in her mind: the Wilderness chose who fed us, It's already chosen who should lead us.

It was up to her, to all of them, to protect Nat. No matter what she believed about the Wilderness and its role in their lives out here, this was something she could understand, protecting Nat and keeping her safe, the way that she had kept them safe, too.

As the cabin burns ahead, she rushes back over to Nat, moving an extra blanket around her back without hesitation. ❝  Here. We have to figure out a way to stay warm. ❞ The fire keeps them warm now, but once it's out, they have nowhere to go. Her mind is already working through solutions: check the shed, go back to the plane that's a haunting reminder of the worst of what's happened to them and what they've done in return? It doesn't help that it's the middle of the night, they're half asleep, and they haven't even begun to figure out what happened. At least they're fed. ❝  Hey, are you okay? Were you covered? ❞

[versezlesangre]

silencedrage asked: "You're a spineless coward who can't even face the consequences of your own actions!" - tai/nat

"Yeah, maybe..." In that moment they're seventeen again and lost in the woods - the fact there's a world where that idea's preferable to reality finds a way to make her feel even more disgusted with herself on top of the fact that she's more sober now than she's been in months. There's a timeline out there in the universe where they get along famously, she's sure - where it isn't weeks and months between them talking. Maybe it's proximity - Shauna's got her shit with Jeff and the two of them haven't said word one since stepping off that fucking rescue chopper. Van all but vanished after high school. The thought of ever seeing Lottie or Misty make her want to throw up. Travis and she are poison for eachother and so... Taissa Fucking Turner - the one she never quite managed to get along with. Nat tugs at the hospital bracelet on her wrist and looks at all the stupid blinking and beeping machines hooked onto her. "Sorry I don't bury my fuckups under being a workaholic like a respectable person, Tai." She snaps - come-down irritability enhanced by the fact she hasn't slept like a human since the start of this most recent, catastrophic bender that has her staring Taissa down in an ER room. === @silencedrage

[feminaferitas]

@silencedrage {natalie} showed up to Shauna's wedding in some sort of state. Go figure.

Now that they'd survived the ceremony, finished dinner and the cake ceremony (and no one died), Shauna was feeling more... well, relieved was a strong word for it.

Her kitten heels might as well have been eggshells the way she was spending her time alternating between trying not to have a full breakdown and making sure everyone else was enjoying the reception. That was her role now, right? Doting hostess, housewife, homemaker. She'd even relieved Tai of her post, promising that the worst of her fears were past now -- so her friend had snuck off with Van somewhere else in the local Elk Lodge banquet hall.

The company she kept on this special day was a mixed bag -- missing key players in her life, both family and friends. But others, like her teammates and the Taylors and plenty of Jeff's relatives, were there. And that counted for something, right? She was making a sort of new family with this union. And while most of the Yellowjackets were included, some were conspicuously absent post-rescue. But there was one young woman in particular who, while physically present, definitely hadn't been fully engaged since Shauna saw her at the ceremony. Not that she really expected anything different from Natalie Scatorccio -- inviting everyone had been as much a kindness to them as their playing along was a kindness to her.

But her guest was entirely dressed for the wrong occasion, with her mind still somewhere else entirely. Shauna sighed -- she and Natalie had at times exchanged sorrows about the weight of their actions in the wilderness. But they weren't there anymore. At least, they could pretend for everyone else's sake, right?

"Nat... Hey, Nat," she said, her voice soft and becoming of a new bride, not a scolding teammate. "One of the nice, unopened champagne bottles on me and Jeff's table went missing, and Mrs. Taylor was wondering about it... You don't happen to know where it went, do you?"

[scatcrccio]

@silencedrage (vamp!tai) gets a supernatural huntress au starter.

THE MANY TURMOILS AND CONFLICTS THAT CAME with Nat's overall relationship with her father seemed to cease in that single moment, the second she walked in to see him bleeding and dying on the floor. He was white as a sheet, all blood drained or currently draining, leaving him almost catatonic while staring up at the ceiling. ❝ Dad—...? ❞ word spits past parting lips as she rushes towards him and kneels, picking up his head and letting it rest in her lap. He was clutching onto his chest as if he was having a heart attack and she suddenly does the same, grabbing a tight hold upon his hand.

❝ No, no... what do I do? What do I do?! Daddy... ❞ she can feel his entire body shaking in her arms, watching as the life inside of him dwindled. He doesn't say a word but instead, stares at her, watching every tear that fell down her cheeks. There's a moment where it seems like he wants to reach up and touch her face but doesn't have enough strength within himself to do so. Her long hair is sticking, but she takes hold of his hand still and brings it to her moistened cheek just the same, allowing him this one final moment of touch before his entire body relaxes and dies. She never expected to get this emotional when the moment finally came to watch her father die, nor did she ever expect to beg that he'd stay strong and keep going.

Part of her always thought his death would be a blessing in some fucked up way, but reality hit differently and she finds herself in immediate mourning while holding onto his limp body, rocking slowly back and forth, crying out in grief. His face close to her chest as she held him, brushing fingers through his hair. It doesn't take long for her to feel the eyes lingering behind her though she does take her time in shifting attention and meeting the other's gaze, glancing over her shoulder at the woman standing in the shadows: her father's killer.

She doesn't even have to question it because deep down she already knows that it was Tai, regardless of not being able to look upon her properly. It had only been a matter of time. They've been at each other's throats for decades and of course, this was bound to be the inevitable outcome. Nat always knew it would end this way and yet, what she didn't anticipate was the anger in herself she'd feel in the aftermath of it all. Part of her truly thought that she might've even been grateful, surprisingly, that wasn't the case at all. ❝ Fuck you. ❞ Spatted words laced with an obscene amount of hatred. ❝ Wasn't enough to just kill him, you gotta stick around and gloat about it too? ❞

[darkconsumed]

meme || accepting.

@silencedrage (nat) asked: i feel something broken inside me. you can't fix it. no one can.

Brows furrowed as he glanced towards her, a questioning look on his face. Because if she was broken then that just meant that he was broken as well. All of them were, really, especially after everything that's happened out here. "I don't think any of us are pieced together," Travis says after a moment or two, his eyes falling to the dirty floorboards of the cabin as a breath leaves him. "But maybe we can help each other...keep one another from completely falling apart?"

[despiite]

✎ @silencedrage penned: What can you know about a person? - nat/misty ✎ richard siken / war of the foxes.

Startled by Nat's attention, she revels in the feeling of getting exactly what she wants, of being good and necessary and useful to Natalie, and she can't stop herself from beaming at her, from chasing her gaze with her own owlish eyes. "Oh! Uhm, anything, really. I mean it depends, but... If the information is out there, and it usually is, somewhere, it can be found." And then, urgently, cementing how valuable she can be, "I can find it."

She bounces forward in her seat, turning to face the brunette fully and leans in with uncurbed enthusiasm. "I can find anything you want to know. Home address, IP, full name, public and criminal records, spending habits, income and employment, tax information, online browsing habits, where they shop, what ads they see, what videos they watch..." She leans in further to whisper conspiratorially, as though it's a fun inside joke and not something entirely inappropriate, "I can even find out what kind of pornography they like."

[vrake]

it's not my fault you fell in love. - nat/maria | @silencedrage

The scoff that leaves her lips is angry, bitter, and it gives way to a smile that lacks any warmth, any joy. She won't admit how deep Natasha's words cut, to herself nor to anyone. And her face is as much of an icy mask of indifference as it's always been when she's on duty ( or much any moment of her life ). She crosses her arms above her chest, and hopes it doesn't seem as much of a defensive position as she feels it does. She doesn't need to defense herself here, from Natasha, nor any of this... mess, their arrangement has turned to. And she doesn't know why the redhead needs to bring up feelings, when everything was perfectly fine as it was ( she's perfectly fine pretending it doesn't bother her when the assassin flirts with everybody, she's more than fine pretending she didn't just throw some sarcastic comments about it... Maria doesn't do jealousy, she doesn't... she doesn't have the time for it ). Shaking her head, with her mocking smile still on her lips, and ice on her eyes, she spits " you're so full of yourself Romanoff..." in love... Maria could almost laugh at it ( if it didn't left a weird, uncomfortable feeling in her chest ). " Didn't you heard? I don't do feelings."

[perfectionreached]

taissa swears she was being nice for once. she can't help but gasp as she feels natalie's hands shoving her away. being used to the other not accepting her help wasn't new, but this time her expression changes almost immediately, crossing her arms in a rage. she can't be the one to talk, taissa never accepts any type of help. but to be constantly shut down time and time again was starting to get on her nerves.

"what the hell?" she exclaims, glaring. "no, we're not doing this." her voice is firm, as if she's talking to a child. tai had realized that she's unable to ever turn off either a fake professional tone or a voice a mom would use at all times. "we're going to talk, like adults. do you think you can handle that, nat?"

@silencedrage: [ 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐯𝐞 ] : sender shoves receiver away from them. - nat

[wildernesslaughtered]

@silencedrage asked; “  you’re getting that look in your eyes like you’re about to ask me what’s wrong so i’m gonna save us both the awkwardness of finding an excuse to leave and just go now.  ” - nat

lips part in an o of surprise—as if the questions HADN'T been resting on the tip of her tongue—before she presses them into a thin line with a furrowed brow. look, she couldn't HELP it. she cared too much, sue her. no one likes a busybody, jacqueline. the voice in her head sounds suspiciously close to her mother's. instinctively, her arms cross over her chest and her gaze drops to the ground.

her tongue runs over the scar on the inside of her lip. ❛ okay, what if i promise not to ask? ❜ hazel eyes gleaming hopefully in the low lights of the party. ❛ cross my heart and everything? the whole nine yards. will you stay? ❜

[ladyintree]

post rescue starter call, ft. @silencedrage  ░ As much as she wants to leave what happened to them out there in the past, there are few things that Taissa simply can't just forget about — her loyalty to Nat being the most important, because she did what Tai failed to do in the beginning when she tried to set out for rescue. She thought she could inspire them all, that she could give them something to fight for, but it all fell apart. At least they had Nat, and though there was a time when watching her take over was only a sore reminder of what Taissa failed to do, she found herself trusting Nat's instincts more than she ever could have imagined before their plane crashed. She was smart, intuitive, logical, and Taissa was so regretful for the way she'd treated her before everything, when she'd made so many assumptions about who she was — never knowing she'd turn out to be one of the most important people in her life.

Now that they're back home, she worries that Nat will lose that drive, not because she doesn't have any faith in her, but because she knows this isn't going to be easy. She's not going to let herself falter, and she won't let her, either.

❝  It's the address for my school, ❞ she says as she hands Nat a sheet of paper, details about how to find her, how to call her, how to contact her at all. When she was on the plane ride home, she was already trying to make decisions about how her life would follow, and as she looked around at the other survivors, something in her gut told her they would not stay in contact — and that was likely for the best. If they cut ties, Tai would be freer. But that didn't mean her, whether or not that loyalty would be misplaced in the aftermath. ❝  And a number. If you want to call, if you need anything . . . ❞ A moment later, she starts to feel strange about it, because she'd promised herself that leaving this town was going to be quick and painless as she committed to her new journey, but this is still Nat, the girl who kept them alive when it would have been so easy to lose hope. She can't shake that. ❝  Just don't be a stranger, okay? ❞

[versezlesangre]

silencedrage asked: "I'm always here to listen and support you. You're never alone." - van/nat

"That so?" Nat practically spits onto the pavement in the driveway behind the parlor. It's all so fucking cheap and fake. Nobody liked her dad. Her fucking mom didn't even like her dad but now everyone's inside the funeral parlor offering condolences that mean nothing and telling bullshit lies about how he was 'complicated' and 'a good guy when it counted'. Bullshit. Fucking bullshit. She sniffs, pulling the stress in her jaw back up towards her brain somewhere because she absolutely refuses to cry, and licks the paper to finish rolling the joint before she looks up to Van with a look like she might very well be about to shatter because as much as she hated him and hates being here she can't shut her eyes without seeing her dad with half a face. "Maybe sometimes I wanna be alone." === @silencedrage

[feminaferitas]

@silencedrage {lottie matthews} tried to bless Natalie Scatorccio

Natalie looked at the cup in Lottie's hands with disdain. She could feel the weight of expectant gazes on her back, but wished they were warming instead of the bone chill cutting through the cabin. Sure, on a good day at home she'd be putting all sorts of toxic shit into her body with far less noble intentions, but it was easy for everyone else to encourage Lottie's wicca bullshit when they weren't the ones being asked to drink blood and boiled snow. She scoffed.

"Seriously? Don't you have any little rituals that don't involve a form of biohazard? It's just a routine hunt, Lottie. Nothing Travis and I haven't managed before."

Nat's irritation with indulging these arbitrary rituals had been growing as of late, probably directly in proportion to the decrease of game during the bite of winter. Fewer animals to hunt meant an increase in hunger, tempers, and paranoia -- and an increase in her teammate's attempts to appease the wilderness.

"If we make it back fine, it's because we know what we're doing out there, not because you cut yourself over a cup of tea."

[scatcrccio]

@silencedrage (shauna) sent: ❛ don’t act like you know me. ❜

OFFENSE WAS TAKEN AT THE ASSUMPTION THAT NAT would ever think she knew Shauna in any right. Out of everyone on the team, the woman standing before her was the most contradicting with a mixture of both respect and outright fear. She remembers the look in her eyes when the knife had been held to her throat and she recognized that hint of remorse laced with a desperate hunger. Remembers the blatant urgency when Shauna's fists continued to rage against Lottie's face and to this day, that memory left Natalie feeling cold.

No one had a right to know what was going on in her head during those moments and Natalie specifically was the last person who could ever even pretend to know or understand. Confusion sets in, furrowing the creases of her brows. Their relationship as a whole was never foundationally solid and they'd never exactly been extremely close as far as an overall friendship was considered, but a friendship was still there regardless. Like an estranged and almost uncomfortable ( at times ) sisterhood.

❝ No one knows you, Shauna. Because you don't let anyone get to know you. Hell, does Jeff even really know you? Like, really? ❞ But that wasn't entirely fair of her to say now, was it? A hypocritical statement, at best. If anyone had even come close to knowing Shauna in any way, it was Taissa. ❝ Fuck, Shauna… Jackie didn't even know you. The only person you ever confided much in was Tai. I was never on the spectrum or radar as someone to be considered, so where the fuck would I begin to think I know you at all? Maybe try taking your own advice for once. The only thing I do know, is that you scare the fuckin' shit out of me and that's not a compliment. ❞

[ofgraveycrds]

Steve wasn’t sure what to do now, he was hearing himself speak before he could stop the words coming from his mouth but as soon as they tumbled out he didn’t regret them. Regret wasn’t even anywhere near his radar. Since he’d come from the ice there were only a few things that made him feel at ease, the Avengers, even if their heads butted constantly they were home to him now they made him feel he had a purpose and he was understood. No one made him feel that more than Sam and Natasha. Her life was a lot of broken pieces he couldn’t fix, and he didn’t expect too but he did want to be there with her the broken pieces cut and pierced her in a way maybe he could help fix. Steve knew Nat knew he cared, he didn’t do much to hide that fact but admitting it out loud now, here was a mistake he knew that as soon as she said she was going to leave, but for some reason today was not a good day for him to show self restraint. 

His hand reached out and grabbed her wrist gently, so if she wanted he could shake him off and walk away for real... But he felt like if he didn’t say it now he’d never say it. “I do Nat... I do care, and I’d really like if you chose to stay for awhile.” Steve had no idea why he was asking this of her when there was no guarantee he’d be able to stay in one place like this.. But he was willing to try if she was. @silencedrage​

[ladyintree]

It was long past time to put Jackie to rest when they finally did,  and back then,  their memorial for their formal friend was much different than their most recent.  Something about what happened with Javi has made it clear to Taissa that sentimental words may not remain routine around here,  not after they’ve arrived at the decisions they have now  —-   not just to sacrifice the lives of one of their friends,  but to willingly watch someone else die,  knowing that all they are in the end is meat,  anyway. 

Jackie deserves the respect,  just as Javi does now,  just as Rachel did when she was the first they lost,  but Taissa knows she has to think pragmatically about it,  too —- and the easiest way for her to do that is to let go of any personal connections to these people so she can keep moving forward.  ❝  Okay.  In the closet,  ❞   she agrees simply.  ❝  Just as long as Shauna doesn’t have to worry about it.  ❞   Because safety is the priority, but Shauna’s sanity is just as prevalent in Tai’s mind.  

She’s startled when Nat crouches down,  eyes never leaving her as she waits for some kind of answer.  When she starts to say his name,  she clenches her jaw,  not just because she’s trying to avoid her own feelings of the matter,  but because she knows it’s even more different for Nat.  Her brows furrow when she mentions a safe place,  and almost immediately,  Tai wants to shut it down,  assuming it can’t be real —- but then she remembers how she felt the day she found Javi.  She remembers the feeling of having been near him before,  recently.  She remembers feeling some sort of clarity in knowing he had been safe all along.  

❝  Do you know where it was? ❞   she blurts out.  ❝  What it was? ❞

@ladyintree appears to be just as eager as her to return to place where it all began, where the ghosts of those who died first still roamed. Nat remembers thinking when the plane first went down, how lucky they were to still be alive. Now she knows the dead are the lucky ones, has known since she spoke to Jackie's bones in the cockpit. But Tai agrees and Nat lets out the breath trapped in her lungs. If she had refused... well, none of that matters because Tai didn't. Nat keeps her eyes trained on a point just beyond her teammate, unable to meet her gaze. "Yeah... yeah, that's good. We can.. yeah," she swallows hard to cut herself off. It's not like she was saying anything productive anyways.

"What are we going to do about her?"

Tai's question makes her stiffen because Natalie hasn't thought that far ahead yet. The ground is still frozen solid and wouldn't thaw for some time, putting them in the same position they'd started out in. "We can... maybe we can put her in the closet in the cockpit until spring?" The words sound awful even as she says them but it's the only solution that Natalie has. They will probably be huddled in the main body of the plane, away from her, and it's a small enough space that Jackie can rest there quietly until they can bury her with the others. They can just tell the team not to open that door or something.

It's not like they have any other options. She and Travis have covered every inch of the surrounding seven miles around them on their fruitless hunts for Javi and they haven't found anything that would serve as a good shelter. The younger boy's smiling face flashes through her mind and her chest tightens uncomfortably but in doing so, her eyes suddenly widen. In the chaos of everything that happened, Natalie forgot about why they were even out on the lake that day. He was leading her to safety. He was trying to save her. Natalie crouches into a deep squat as she tries to breathe through the emotions starting to barrel into her all at once, tries to focus on the task at hand. Where was he taking her? Don't think about his hand reaching out for her in desperation. He said it wasn't far. Don't remember the way his voice called out for her. "I think I might know a place." The maps she made for Ben burned in the cabin but Natalie has the benefit of having traversed the woods. "Ja-" She chokes over the name and her fingers grip into the mud furiously. "H-He said he knew of a safe place."

[scatcrccio]

@silencedrage (tai) sent: ❝ it’s okay, you know. if you need to vent. ❞

VULNERABILITY WAS USUALLY FOUGHT AGAINST, TOOTH AND NAIL, ripped off like a band aid or better yet, like duct tape on a hairy surface of skin that pulled every follicle out along with it. The sting always hurt, but she'd get over it like she always did. Besides, she's experienced far worse things in her life than trying to fight that desperate longing to finally allow herself a moment of clemency. The fact that the opportunity was being offered to do so now ( and by Tai, no less ) catches her off-guard a bit. Then again, she was the one who had made it blatantly obvious through her unwarranted temper just how much turmoil was being bottled up inside of herself and clearly, her friend took notice.

Without full on calling her out about it like Nat would expect her to do, she offers a metaphorical hand and Natalie's hesitant at first, to take it. It's the kindness behind the woman's tone that somehow, truly resonates with her and she almost hates it. Hates the way that a little tenderness from someone could suddenly cause the corner of her eyes to swell up with tears that aren't meant for any sort of public display. At first, she shakes her head in dismissal, a grunt of rejection to her own wants and needs even though there's a string inside of her pulling itself in Tai's direction like a life line, begging to be held. ❝ I don't! ❞ She snaps back, unintentionally, not meaning to come off so defensively but it's a natural instinct.

Always with that internal will to come across stronger than she actually is and then getting angry at herself when she fails to portray herself as anything but. ❝ I don't want to vent, I just... I don't know what I want and that's part of the problem, isn't it? That's always been the problem. All the shit with Travis, I-... ❞ feet begin to pace back and forth, single hand slamming itself against the outside of her thigh in the process while attempting to configure the words and emotions that are boiling inside of her mind like a festering enigma she can't quite piece together. Then she stops and pushes the tip of her tongue into the inside of her cheek, eyes staring up and off to the side towards the ceiling while shaking her head again. Hands now sternly placed upon either side of hips with some tension, ❝ every person I have an opportunity with outside of him, becomes a comparison. Because they aren't him, and I hate it. I fucking hate it, Tai. ❞ 

She forgets sometimes, that if there was anyone who'd understand that type of emotional turmoil, it's the woman sitting directly in front of her. Contradicting to her own previous statement, she does know what she wants and the fact that she can't have it - or rather, shouldn't have it - is what fucks with her brain the most and she knows too, that it's entirely her fault as to why that is.