#silencedrage lottie

[feminaferitas]

@silencedrage {lottie matthews} tried to bless Natalie Scatorccio

Natalie looked at the cup in Lottie's hands with disdain. She could feel the weight of expectant gazes on her back, but wished they were warming instead of the bone chill cutting through the cabin. Sure, on a good day at home she'd be putting all sorts of toxic shit into her body with far less noble intentions, but it was easy for everyone else to encourage Lottie's wicca bullshit when they weren't the ones being asked to drink blood and boiled snow. She scoffed.

"Seriously? Don't you have any little rituals that don't involve a form of biohazard? It's just a routine hunt, Lottie. Nothing Travis and I haven't managed before."

Nat's irritation with indulging these arbitrary rituals had been growing as of late, probably directly in proportion to the decrease of game during the bite of winter. Fewer animals to hunt meant an increase in hunger, tempers, and paranoia -- and an increase in her teammate's attempts to appease the wilderness.

"If we make it back fine, it's because we know what we're doing out there, not because you cut yourself over a cup of tea."

[superintcndent]

❝ 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ, I have wounds ℴ𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓎ℴ𝓊 can mend, I guess that's love I can't pretend, I can't pretend. ❞ - x

[scatcrccio]

@silencedrage (lottie) sent: ❛ i can’t leave you alone for one minute, can i? ❜

CAUGHT RED HANDED— she was snooping, again. This time, in Charlotte's private quarters, unsure precisely on what it is she's looking for. Something, anything that might give the woman away and truthfully, she was beginning to give up before the door suddenly swung open. Too fast for Natalie to have the slightest chance of hiding herself and somehow slip away. She's stealthy, always has been, but she's lost her touch a bit after twenty-five years. Getting in was the easy part, getting out however, was a different story when it was already too late. With eyes locked on Lottie's own, she isn't shy to pretend as if she was doing anything different than what was plainly indisputable. What was the point of it? It was as if she were a stubborn child stealing cookies out of the cookie jar after dinner and yet, this isn't the first time Natalie had made it blatantly clear that she maintained an onerous amount of suspicion towards the other woman. Her spine straightens a bit, coming to a full stance while enduring that same type of immature perseverance she's held onto since her arrival.

❝ Can you really blame me? ❞

[ofvalor]

how long have you been awake ? - van/lottie

The chill in the air prickles at her skin. The sun is nearly up, but not quite - casting a pinkish orange glow over the trees and the cabin. Van should be inside, resting, not talking. Before, it would be Laura Lee who came to bring her a blanket and breakfast. Lottie doesn't shift her gaze from the treeline. "A few hours, maybe." It's barely above a whisper, but she doesn't want to expend the energy to explain that she'd had nightmares again. Doesn't want to explain that she can't sleep here with the sounds in the attic, that she can't feel comfort at all now that the one person she --

Lottie swallows and finally brings her gaze to Van, not shying away from the gruesome makeshift bandaging. "Where's Tai?"

[wildernesslaughtered]

@silencedrage asked ; ❛ Why can’t you accept the possibility that there are things in this world we don’t understand? ❜ - lottie

❛ what ? ❜

muscles shift && tense, hazel eyes narrowing. the creases in her forehead deepen as she crosses her arms over her chest. ❛ i can accept the fact there's plenty of things about this world we don't understand just fine, lottie. what i can't accept is the idea of some fucking dirt god "blessing" us with brain dead animals for being good little girls. ❜ she spits the words like they burn her mouth. jackie's never been one for aggression, she couldn't hold a grudge to save her life, but the wilderness changes them all. ❛ why can't you see that this mysticism bullshit is doing more H A R M than good? it's fracturing the team further. which, in case you didn't notice, we REALLY can't afford right now. so excuse me for being fucking cynical. ❜

[doomdays]

Van can’t help but look down at the way Lottie fidgets with her hands,  a part of her desperate to reach out and hold them in hers,  as if that could so easily take away whatever pain Lottie’s going through.  She remembers the way Lottie did that for others back then,  how she was so good at calming people down in a way that Van had always longed for,  even years after she’d last seen her   (  And they wonder if that’s something they could ever tell her,  or if it would only put more unwanted pressure on her,  the way Van knows she and the rest of them often burdened her with back then.  )  

Brows furrow,  surprised that it’s something Lottie questions,  but Van supposes that after a few decades,  it shouldn’t be that surprising.  ❝  Yeah, you.  Of course you, ❞   she notes,  as if it’s obvious,  a small smile tugging at her lips— but she’s just as skeptical,  keeping her brow raised.  Features soften as soon as Lottie admits to missing her too,  and suddenly,  they feel the same Lottie just did,  surprised that she missed Van too.  

She notices her hand start to slide,  and her breath catches in her throat,  because it means that Lottie really does want to reach out —- that she’s not entirely uncomfortable with Van being here.  That’s hope for something,  despite how,  just a few weeks ago,  Van was deadset on never seeing any of these people ever again   (  and yet here with Lottie now,  it’s hard to imagine her world without her in it again —- how could Van possibly turn back now,  now that she’s been forced to remember?  )   When Lottie stops,  Van finishes for her,  reaching out to place her hand over hers,  leaving it there gently for Lottie to hold onto if she decides.   

Van’s face drops when Lottie starts apologizing.  When she first got to the compound,  it was easy to tell herself she resented Lottie,  that she didn’t want to see her and that she was better off without her.  But as soon as she turned around,  it felt like an energy surged through Van,  the kind she remembered all too fondly despite working so hard to forget all these years.  After everything they’d been through since reuniting,  she hated to hear Lottie be the one to apologize now.  It wasn’t her fault;  they did this to her. 

❝  Lottie,  ❞   Van says,  voice softer than before.  She takes a deep breath,  leaning forward slightly as they look back at her.   ❝  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for the way I treated you back then,  like you were—   ❞   She lets out a scoff,  because it feels silly now.  How could she explain it,  other than that she treated Lottie like a god,  and her religion was pivotal to her own survival?  ❝   Like you were invincible,  when we were all just— fucking kids.   And I’m sorry it took me over—-  twenty years to be sitting here with you now.   I’ve always wondered how you were, though.  Always hoped you were okay.  I’m sorry this is how we found each other.  ❞

There's a warmth to Van that sinks into her bones. Lottie doesn't know how else to describe how she feels being reunited with her, with any of them. Despite the tragedies that have rocked them in the last few weeks, she is reminded why Van served as her touchstone in the wilderness. The former goalie has always been steadfast and loyal, and of the many regrets that she has, chief among them has always been breaking Van's trust. They believed in Lottie and her nonsense, stood by her side when the others mocked her, and she would always be grateful for that, even if she hadn't deserved any of it.

Lottie gives Van a small smile, looking appropriately chastised at Van's reaction. They aren't one of the troubled people who found their way to Camp Green Pine for healing, and it takes her a second to switch off spiritual leader Charlotte Matthews and bring back the Lottie Matthews that Van once knew. It's hard, after twenty years of trying to leave that girl behind and atone for her sins. But it feels wrong to be Charlotte with Van, when they are one of the only people who has ever seen Lottie right down to her core.

Her fingers go back to aimlessly twisting around each other, feeling like she keeps putting her foot deeper into her mouth with every word. Despite their familiarity, there's still an awkwardness that lingers from having not seen each other in twenty years. In a way, it's easy to fall back into old patterns, and teasing Van about Taissa is one of them. She remembers being completely stunned when she learned that Taissa is married to someone who isn't Van, and she wonders what happened with them. Of them all, they had felt the most solid, like a single unit. Lottie believed they would make it, and she bites her lip before opening her mouth to apologize, but Van's words make her pause.

"...me?" she asks, a healthy dose of skepticism in her tone. She doesn't remember the last time anyone said that they missed her. Even her parents hadn't said that when she had returned to them after 19 months, and they never said it when she returned home from Switzerland. She knows the moment Van is talking about, having felt the same thing when she turned to see her old teammates gathered at her community. It was like coming home for the first time in decades and Lottie knows that it wouldn't have felt nearly the same if Van had been missing from their group. There's a light flush crawling up the back of her neck and she returns Van's bashful smile.

"I missed you too, Van," she replies, and her hand slides across the table before she stops herself, not wanting to make Van uncomfortable. For a devastating second, Lottie wonders if this is just a dream, a figment of her imagination cooked up by whatever medications they've been pumping into her since she's been at the facility. Would she wake up in her room, on scratchy sheets and completely alone? Is her brain just tricking her into hearing what she wants to hear? A part of her wants to ask Van if she's real, but she learned at a very young age that that was a dangerous question to ask.

So instead, Lottie tries to trust that Van really is visiting her, and if it's all in her head, well at least she can get this off her chest. "I'm... so sorry, Van. For everything that happened." The apology has been on the tip of her tongue ever since Natalie confronted her in the clearing in the woods on that very first night. Lottie has asked herself over and over whether she should have let Natalie go when she demanded it, whether that would have saved her friend's life. Her eyes look up at Van hesitantly, as though they might be able to read her thoughts and her guilt. "I don't know if I ever said that to you after... everything."

[darkconsumed]

@silencedrage (lottie) gets a semi-plotted thing!!

Going home would have been expected, maybe she might still do that. But there was something more important she had to do. Something she had been thinking about doing ever since the first letter found its way into her inbox. It was rare for her to get a letter that wasn't from her family, but when she got the letter from someone she had only thought of for years, it stirred something up inside. Charlotte Matthews had always done that though, had always left her with a warm fuzzy feeling. One that she had questioned for so long until the puzzle pieces fell into place and she figured things out.

Letters were written and sent and received for several months. Mail time quickly became her favorite time of day and something she looked forward to. It even got to the point that she would feel disappointed if she hadn't seen the other woman's handwriting which aided in some repressed guilt. But it was ignored and she waited for the next day in hopes she'd get a letter from her best friend. Because it didn't matter how many years went by, Lottie was still her one and only best friend.

The fact she still thought and felt that way about the woman ( among something that ran deeper than just friendship ) it ignited a new sort of guilt. Knowing that she had spent the last couple years locked away and seemingly forgotten about in a different country, it didn't sit right with Laura Lee. She was ashamed and disappointed in herself for never looking for the other woman, trying to figure out where she was even if she had legitimate reasons for moving on with her life. That was going to change, however, as she saw to it that her leave would be spent sitting on a plane for several hours.

It was worth it though, the mild panic that settled into her bones that no one would fault her for feeling. The girl that survived not one but two plane crashes. Exposure therapy could only do so much and she knew that her fear was rational, that the dull ache in her shoulder where the hot metal of the plane door seared itself into her skin was just a phantom pain. She just had to remind herself of the goal and why she was doing this, why she was putting herself through something like this. All for a woman.

When she landed, Laura Lee was relieved and was soon left with a buzzing excitement. One that rattled her frame and left her smiling to the point that her cheeks began to ache, but she didn't mind it. She did, however, mind entering the hospital and following the orderly down the long hall, her hands resting at her sides. The closer they got, the more that excitement began to turn into nervousness in the pit of her stomach. Doubting thoughts swirling in her mind; will she remember me, will she recognize me, will she hate me for not coming sooner.

Deep down she knew that if Charlotte Matthews hated her, she wouldn't have written her, wouldn't have reached out, but still. That fear resided there inside her chest until eyes finally did come to rest upon the taller woman. Seeing her after so long, it was like time slowed down and gave way to just them in that room. She could feel warm salt prickling her eyes and she did nothing to hide it or stop the tears from forming.

Though she wished she would have been able to find something to say to her, but she simply stood there, blue hues briming with tears and a small smile.

[ladyintree]

@silencedrage sent ⚠️ for an urgent starter.

She hasn't given herself the chance to process what's happening before them now, what had come to be their 'home' in the middle of oblivion now burning to the ground, leaving them with no shelter, no warm, no chance of pretending there's one last shred of hope for them. From the moment the smoke hit her nose and Shauna's voice rang throughout the burning cabin, it was all about survival --- throwing as many of her things together as she could, reaching for the ax, and working to get them out yet another trap. When they were freed, it was Nat she looked for first, Nat's hand she grabbed to get out safely, Lottie's words already engrained in her mind: the Wilderness chose who fed us, It's already chosen who should lead us.

It was up to her, to all of them, to protect Nat. No matter what she believed about the Wilderness and its role in their lives out here, this was something she could understand, protecting Nat and keeping her safe, the way that she had kept them safe, too.

As the cabin burns ahead, she rushes back over to Nat, moving an extra blanket around her back without hesitation. ❝  Here. We have to figure out a way to stay warm. ❞ The fire keeps them warm now, but once it's out, they have nowhere to go. Her mind is already working through solutions: check the shed, go back to the plane that's a haunting reminder of the worst of what's happened to them and what they've done in return? It doesn't help that it's the middle of the night, they're half asleep, and they haven't even begun to figure out what happened. At least they're fed. ❝  Hey, are you okay? Were you covered? ❞

[itchose]

Lottie stops herself from going on,   but Van has already gathered what she’s trying to say.    She holds her breath,   debating how she feels for a moment.    Van’s used to spending her time alone,   used to having their own space.   For a long time,   it felt like she didn’t have her own space at all - — she and her mother’s home was small,  enough to feel like they were constantly living on top of each other,   especially with how often Van spent by her side,  trying to take care of her,  never feeling like she was making any real progress or doing anything for herself.   Then in the Wilderness,  personal space wasn’t an option at all  —-   and in a strange way,   it was comfortable,  a reminder they weren’t entirely alone out there.   Back at home,  she was more desperate to get away from her mother than ever,  insisting on finding her own life,   her own space,   whoever she was when it was just her.    It wasn’t long ago that her mother was back in her life,   in her space,   and in some ways,   it only made the loneliness more suffocating.   There’s something about having Lottie here now that does the opposite — it’s obvious how much they long for the connection,   and they could never turn Lottie away.

❝  Hey,  I don’t mind,  either,  ❞    Van says,   tone intentionally casual,   trying not to let it be a thing.    There’s no reason it should be weird —-  not when she and Lottie have been through unimaginable things together,   when her presence made Van feel safe.   That’s all Van wants to do for Lottie now.   ❝  You just let me know if I snore too much,   and I’m right back on the couch, ❞    she teases,  mostly in an attempt to lighten the mood,  not dwell on the awkwardness of the moment because there’s no reason to be   (   they just have to get used to each other again.  )  

 The answer doesn’t shock Van,   because despite priding herself on believing she can guess anyone’s movie taste,   she’s definitely stumped on Lottie  —-   part of that has to do with not knowing her for decades,   another part just can’t fathom the idea of Lottie watching a movie,  given what they’ve known of her since their reunion,   but Van’s happy to be her guide regardless.   Their eyes widen,  realizing just how long it’s been,   and suddenly,  there’s pressure to make this the best experience possible for her.   ❝  Well,  shit,  Lottie,  then I definitely have to catch you up to speed.  ❞    They’re already walking over to their most prized collection of VHS tapes,   titles swarming in mind immediately as she tries to make a mental note of each one that Lottie may find even the smallest amount of enjoyment out of.  

But her head quickly turns back to Lottie at the suggestion,  eyes lighting up in a way they haven’t in a while  —-    because this is what Van has always craved,   an all-out movie night with a friend,   complete with the perfect snacks and all.   But she hasn’t had a lot of those opportunities over the years  —- friends were hard to come by,   just as getting close to anyone really was.   There were acquaintances, regulars who came into the shop often that made Van feel connected to others,  until she returned to her apartment and was quickly reminded how fleeting it was.   Really,  it seems like the last time she enjoyed a movie was  .  .  .    before the survivors went their own way,    a time that feels so far away now.   ❝  You may not be used to watching movies,   but you sure know how to do a movie night right,   Lot, ❞   she encourages,   nodding towards her kitchen.   ❝  Corner cabinet,  to the right.   Booze in the fridge,  if you’re interested.  ❞    They pause,   glancing back to Lottie after a moment.   ❝  This is your home now,  too,   ❞   she reminds,   and even if this is just a temporary solution,  she wants her to feel at home.   ❝  Help yourself to whatever.  I mean it.  ❞

Van insists, as chivalrous as ever, and Lottie is pretty certain that she's not going to win this argument. "I don't mind if..." She trails off, suddenly shy now that her brain has caught up with what she was about to suggest. Privacy was something that Lottie cherished deeply ever since she had come back from Switzerland. Between their experiences in the Wilderness, and Lottie's subsequent residency at a mental institution, it was something that had been taken away from her for over a decade. Her cabin had been a place of sanctuary for her, where no one but her was allowed to set foot. But it's different with Van, just as it was different when she allowed Natalie to enter that space. So she says what's on her mind before she loses her nerve. "I don't mind if we share... if you're comfortable with that. I mean, I'm comfortable with it if you are," she stumbles over the words almost like she's a teenager again.

But if Van prefers it, then she won't push it beyond that. Lottie just smiles as the tension seems to slip away a little more. They are still strangers, but there's also enough familiarity about Van that her body doesn't feel the needs to pull up all of its defenses. She too wishes that it hadn't been 25 years since she felt this kind of softness from someone, but she melts into it now. What's done is done, and Lottie only wishes to move forward from here. Some might argue that she's only going backwards by opening up her life to her fellow survivors, but Lottie disagrees. They're no longer the half-feral girls pulled from the Canadian wilderness, at least not entirely.

Lottie brightens just as Van does, and she gives an embarrassed laugh at her question. "I honestly don't know," she admits with a sheepish smile. Movies had never really been a part of her life, even as a child. Her medications often made her too foggy to concentrate for that long, and then everything had happened with the Yellowjackets. They had been used as rewards in the facility Lottie had been at, but she preferred her books and being able to journal. "I think right after I returned from abroad?" It was back when she had tried to date, an invitation to watch some movie about social media. The night had been dreadfully awkward, as Lottie had no earthly idea what the hell 'facebook' was. "But I trust your taste more than anyone else, so I'm sure whatever you pick will be great," she says, beaming at Van.

After all, Van has always been the best storyteller among them all. They had a gift for making anything sound exciting and adventurous, even if was the most mundane of concepts. Even if Lottie hadn't done too many movie nights with them, she had always enjoyed listening to the redhead re-enact movies for the team, painting a vivid picture in Lottie's mind. "Oh, do you have any popcorn?" A movie isn't complete without the snack. "I can make some while you pick out a movie."

[feminaferitas]

Jackie Taylor: which very specific character type are you?

the Beauty. Beloved, beautiful, naive, innocent—or at least, perceived this way. The one representing goodness, in all its purity, to others. Smarter than they let on.

tagged by: @90svan

tagging: @ashesrebirthed {keiko}, @killjoysanonymous {shauna}, @silencedrage {lottie}, anyone else who wants to play!

[versezlesangre]

silencedrage asked: "You're a spineless coward who can't even face the consequences of your own actions!" - tai/nat

"Yeah, maybe..." In that moment they're seventeen again and lost in the woods - the fact there's a world where that idea's preferable to reality finds a way to make her feel even more disgusted with herself on top of the fact that she's more sober now than she's been in months. There's a timeline out there in the universe where they get along famously, she's sure - where it isn't weeks and months between them talking. Maybe it's proximity - Shauna's got her shit with Jeff and the two of them haven't said word one since stepping off that fucking rescue chopper. Van all but vanished after high school. The thought of ever seeing Lottie or Misty make her want to throw up. Travis and she are poison for eachother and so... Taissa Fucking Turner - the one she never quite managed to get along with. Nat tugs at the hospital bracelet on her wrist and looks at all the stupid blinking and beeping machines hooked onto her. "Sorry I don't bury my fuckups under being a workaholic like a respectable person, Tai." She snaps - come-down irritability enhanced by the fact she hasn't slept like a human since the start of this most recent, catastrophic bender that has her staring Taissa down in an ER room. === @silencedrage

[ofvalor]

my  muse  licking  blood  off  your  muses  finger. - shauna/lottie

She'd been desperate. Again. And somehow convinced them all to donate a drop of blood into the tea for the hunt. Even Shauna, though she could see the doubts plainly written across her face. Hiding things wasn't her strong suit, though none of them had reason to hide anything these days - it was either fall in or starve. Her throat tightened and she stirred in the rest of the herbs they'd managed to scrounge, saying a small prayer to the wilderness before handing the cup to Travis. When he and Natalie left, the girls dispersed to their duties for the day - some already done and moving towards the fire for warmth. As usual, she was left standing there with a slight shake in her hands and a worried look. It would work this time. It had to. It had to be enough. Without moving, she turned her gaze to Shauna - who seemed to move in slow motion. The grief around her had formed its own entity to rival that of the forests surrounding them. Her finger had already stopped bleeding, but she could see the bead pooling on Shauna's thumb. Lottie approached as if she were approaching a scared animal - and took Shauna's hands in hers. "Thank you." She murmurs, knowing the other girls would hear something louder. This was between them. "It will work this time." She says it with such finality. It's not a belief anymore, it's a fact. Their blood would bring them food. She doesn't say another word before bringing Shauna's thumb to her mouth, tongue laving across the small wound. The metallic taste grounds her, nothing but copper and iron in her mind.

[vrake]

[ rainfall ] sender finds receiver out alone in the rain - lottie/laura lee | @silencedrage

There was something about the rain, about water that calls her, comforts her in a way nothing other than the thought of him has. Like it cleanses her from all the wrongs around her, all the wrongs inside her and pulls her closer to him. Like she should be, like she's learnt to see. So she just stands there, head tilt up and a light, soft smile on her lips as each drop falls onto her skin, a natural rhythm that has her feeling more content than she should all things considered, the vastness of the lake extending before her. It's the quenching sound of feet on the wet ground that has her coming back to the moment, and she turns her head quickly to find Lottie coming to her. The soft smile on her lips never leaves, and she fights the urge to look away for a quick second ( it's as confusing as it is fleeting, so she chooses to ignore it ). Instead, she turns her full body "Lottie, hey..." and extends an inviting hand to the other, smile still in place. "What are you doing out here? is everything okay? are you okay?."

[perfectionreached]

silencedrage asked: ❛ can’t sleep? ❜ - lottie

the last person who she wanted to figure out she wasn't sleeping was always going to be lottie. she was sure it was super obvious, but it wasn't like she wanted to talk about it. taissa fights the urge to immediately rub her eyes, trying to decide whether or not she wanted to lie.

"you're awake, too." she mutters, shrugging. maybe she wasn't the only one who was up at all hours of the night out here. "what's got you up? some vision or whatever?" she knows it's low hanging fruit and yet she can't help but throw in some sort of ( bordering on mean ) joke. she's exhausted, it's the only defense she has in the moment. "i thought you'd at least be the only one with a good sleep schedule."

[ofvalor]

"Why am I here?" Lottie tilted her head slightly, an almost amused smile playing at her lips. There is a sort of apologetic look on her features that she doesn't try to mask. She's instantly transported to a time when she was unsure what her and Van's dynamic was - and then to a time when it was clear where they stood.

The memories are hazy, blurred at the edges, but she remembers Van's devotion. If there's a hint of it on her features now, Lottie can't catch it. The lines are fuzzier by the day, the hour and it's hard to tell what's real and what isn't. She craves Van's solid touch more than she'd care to admit, even as her gaze traces her scars with unabated longing.

"Apologies." Her smile makes her eyes squint together, and she tries to keep the rest of her body language light, flowing from one movement to another - a quiet, commanding presence that gives her power. "I only meant to check on you, see how you might be settling in."

LOTTIE MATTHEWS ( @ofvalor ) said ❛ i shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. ❜

Van's heart is still pounding as she takes two staggered steps away from Lottie, as though her touch had burned her. The apology is clear in her voice but Van just shuts her eyes as she tries to regulate herself again. Being at the compound was the last thing that Van had expected, and she doesn't know what keeps her rooted. Her station wagon is still parked haphazardly out front from where she and Tai had stopped behind Shauna's minivan. There was still a reasonable amount of fuel left in it that she could get away but she hasn't yet.

Why?

She finally looks at Lottie in her entirety for the first time since they were outside. She looks... good and there is still a part of Van that is glad for that. That there's a part of Lottie that is thriving despite all they'd gone through.

There's a bigger part of Van that resents her for it. "Shouldn't have done a lot of things," she mutters brusquely, and she tightens her fingers into a fist as she tries to press the anger down. It's been little more than a day since Taissa barreled back into her life, dragging with her the horrors of their shared past. Van had carefully tucked that part of her life away, like an old VHS tape that sat unforgotten on the back shelf. She only meant to drop Tai off and go the next 25 years of her life without digging into the most painful part of her life, but history has a funny way of repeating itself. As soon as she saw her, Van was caught once more and it terrifies her a little how easily those feelings swell up in her just by seeing Lottie's face.

Her fingers shake and she knows that she's running up on hour eleven since her last pill which means that her window of getting away while she's still in a condition to drive is narrowing by the second. And still she is unable to leave, like she's caught in the maw of the wolf that maimed her. "Did you need something?" For a moment, Van is transported back to those times, when she had spent hours on her knees before Lottie, to cater to whatever she needed, and her lips purse tightly at the reminder. "I mean, why are you here?"

[despiite]

✎ @silencedrage penned: Can we love nature for what it really is: predatory? - lottie/misty ✎ richard siken / war of the foxes.

She stares at Lottie, long and hard as an itchy feeling spreads up the back of her neck and she wraps her arms around herself, chasing away the discomfort thrumming beneath her skin. She doesn't like the way Lottie looks at her with that sense of knowing, the way it seems that she sees all the way down into her most secret places, and she tries harder to keep her guard up and force the other woman out of her head. Lottie makes her feel...unmoored. Wild. It's a dangerous path for Misty to go down, and she has worked too hard at being good and, in some small way, normal enough. She's tried, really she has, but they all know that she misses this, that she likes the sensation of letting all that pretense drop, that she's not good at faking normalcy anyway, so really, what's the point?

It doesn't feel like 'nature' is what Lottie is really talking about.

"That's not true." She tries to distance herself, to build that wall higher between them so she can focus on what's important, focus on saving Natalie, but her voice comes out too small, too petulant to hold much fight. I'm not predatory.