#sidesplitters

[pimp-boy3billion]

Had to resist the urge to ask Sickler if he could be my dad

[meilia-stims]

May i request a sidesplitter stimboard it's @ballpitbee 's oc, can it have a mechanical theme with gifs of the smiler (the roller coaster) and black and yellow spirals and other things that give off sidesplitter's vibe, please and thank you

Sidesplitter (@ballpitbee) stimboard for @12-oz-joy with mechanical themes, smiler and spiral stims

🌀 🔧 🌀

🔧 🌀 🔧

🌀 🔧 🌀

[watermonkeystuff]

Sidesplitter live.

[raspberryfingers]

A Lion in the Garden -Tywin Lannister x Reader- (Part 13)

WARNINGS: Unwelcomed touching

Word Count: 6.2k

—————

It had been a week since I’d departed the Red Keep, and quite a long one at that. The days seemed to drag without Tywin’s conversation, and I often found myself daydreaming about him. I pictured him riding his horse alongside me, giving me his signature look of annoyance as I teased him.

At dinner one night, I had been unable to stop thinking about our hunting trip, and the same thing had happened when we’d stopped at an inn. That had also reminded me of the glance Tywin and I had shared while I was in the tub, not to mention sleeping cuddled against him that same night. 

Much to my embarrassment, Tywin had also been the subject of more than one dream which was not particularly innocent in nature. Gods, I’d been sad to wake up on those mornings.

However, none of that was currently on my mind, because we—Loras, Sansa, Ser Elias, a few other guards, and I—were only a mile or two away from Robb Stark’s camp. It was time to focus, and I was running over everything that I wished to say in my head. It was the first time I’d ever really felt… nervous. To this extent, at least. My sword was unlikely to fail, but my words were another thing entirely. Persuasion was not enough to win a Stark, you needed honor, too.

I was distracted by the sound of my brother's voice, and I’d been so deep in my head that it nearly made me flinch.

“Are you excited to see your brother, Sansa?” Loras asked with a smile, pulling his reins a bit to ride closer to his wife. Her face lit up, and yet still there was a certain hesitance. She must’ve felt that letting herself be happy prematurely would let her down--she had surely experienced enough disappointment as of late. 

“I- I am. It’s been more than a year since I’ve seen any of my family. Well, not that you two aren’t family, you are now, but-“

I laughed softly at how eager to please Sansa was, and put a hand out to let her know there was no reason to fret. Once she grew more comfortable with us, I had no doubt in my mind she would be a lovely addition to the family.

“I know, sweet girl. It’s different, you don’t have to pretend. You’ve been stuck in King’s Landing since your father died. After that, I’d be quite happy to see my family too.  I can’t imagine what that’s been like for you,” I told her, to which she nodded before looking down. It was a sensitive subject, of course. But soon she would be home, one way or another.

“Lady (Y/N), up ahead,” Ser Elias alerted, instantly diverting my attention. Our group halted, and over the hill we could see the extent of Robb Stark’s army. 

Gods, it was smaller than I’d ever imagined. 

I turned around and motioned for the guards with us to raise the Tyrell flag higher, then clicked and spurred my horse. As we rode into the camp, we were instantly stopped, just as I had suspected we would be. 

“Ay, what are you doing ‘ere with that banner waving?” One soldier questioned, spitting in the dirt and grabbing at my horse. A few more men surrounded us, hands ready at the hilts of their swords. I merely smiled.

“I am the Lady (Y/N) Tyrell, and that is my brother, Ser Loras Tyrell. Please inform Robb Stark that we have his sister Sansa with us, and that we wish to negotiate peace,” I announced, watching his and a few other jaws drop in utter shock.

“Keep ‘em here, I’ll go and get him…” the man with the seemingly highest rank shouted, quickly leaving us. I nodded to Loras and Ser Elias as I swung my leg over my horse, casually dismounting. A few men pulled out their swords, anticipating some sort of trick. I only put my hands up in peace, and slowly dropped the sword in my belt onto the ground. I had not brought Sidesplitter; even if it was ridiculous, I would rather they have taken my life than that sword.

One of the men quickly grabbed it, and gave warnings to everybody else with me as they dismounted. When I looked behind me I noticed Sansa clinging to Loras’ arm, and I was grateful for it. The last thing I wanted the Starks to see was a hostage, even if that’s what Sansa had technically been.

Ser Elias and my other guards looked furious, almost as if daring the Stark men to try anything. I coughed, drawing Elias’ attention. His posture changed when he saw me shake my head, and he relaxed a little bit. I shifted awkwardly in my boots, taking a deep breath to somewhat compose myself. 

I had barely finished exhaling when I heard the loud, fast sound of galloping horses. Robb Stark and his mother came into view, and the Young Wolf practically jumped from his horse, and his mother wasn’t far behind. When Sansa saw them, her entire face filled with relief and joy, and we made no attempt to stop her as she ran to her family.

“Sansa!” 

“Robb, mother!”

The group embraced, tears falling and smiles emerging. I watched the scene warmly and hoped that this family would get to stay together in peace. But, at the end of it, the choice was not mine to make.

The scene before us played out for at least three minutes; they would not stop hugging and crying. I did not blame them whatsoever, and I languidly went over to Loras and grabbed his hand. He looked over at me curiously, and I leaned my head against his shoulder. 

“I’m going to keep you safe, Loras. I promise.”

“I can very well keep myself safe,” he replied quickly, though when I glanced up at him he only shook his head. “I did not mean it like that. It is only that you mustn't worry about me. You mustn’t worry in general, this will turn out fine. You need only remember what we’ve discussed,” he whispered, giving me a gentle smile. I sighed, nodding and thinking back to the various ‘what if’ scenarios we had played out around the fire every night on the way here. 

“Lady Tyrell. Have my men searched you?”

Robb Stark approached me, stopping several feet away with caution, though. His guards hovered anxiously near him.

“I gave them my sword, but no, they did not. You need only search my brother, my personal guard, and I. The rest of my men were only protection for the road and will wait outside your camp,” I answered, unclipping my cloak and draping it over the saddle of Loras’ horse. I had worn a doublet and pants for this precise reason. The last thing I wanted was some random man looking up my skirts. 

Robb merely nodded, motioning to a few men to check me, Loras, and Ser Elias. I reached for the daggers in my boots, slowly withdrawing them and handing them over. There was nothing else to find, but they would have to see it for themselves I supposed.

The man who then approached me had something unsettling in his eyes, and I attempted to fight off the discomfort that filled me when he began touching around my boots and lower legs. 

When we worked his way up a bit, his hands were prone to linger on my inner thighs, and I felt panic rising inside of me. I wanted Tywin, and I wanted to disappear. A lump was forming in my throat, and it only continued to build as his hands went up my stomach towards my chest. 

“Beware of how you touch a lady,” Loras said suddenly, with more venom in his voice than I’d ever heard before. The guard searching me seemed to freeze, and he turned red as he muttered an apology.

“Begging an apology, my lady, I did not mean to-”

“Just get on searching me and be done with it.” I cut the man off, and he avoided my chest entirely, instead moving his hands to my arms and awkwardly patting around there. I felt myself tremble, and I could not tell whether it was with anger or fear. Perhaps both. 

I was one of the most talented swordsmen alive, and yet had Loras not said anything I would’ve suffered the degradation. It made me feel like crying. I very much wanted Tywin now.

“There’s nothing more on ‘em, my lord.”

The soldiers backed away from the three of us, and Robb Stark was finally willing to really approach me. I forced myself to gain composure, I could not let the search be what ruined this negotiation. 

“An honor to finally meet you, Lady (Y/N),” Robb said, reaching out. I gave a curtsey and removed my gloves, allowing him to place a courteous kiss on my knuckles. 

“Is it? I find that a bit surprising,” I replied, watching him also shake my brother’s hand. He looked back at me, and nodded.

“You’re a legend to any man who’s ever held a sword. That doesn’t change because you fight on the wrong side of this war.” 

I gave him a tense, almost threatening smirk. I saw how he wanted to play it now.

“Really? From my point of view things have played out rather advantageously. But it does not matter, we are here to sue for peace now.” I would not let his slight go unanswered, but I did not care to let petty insults turn the mood tense. There was only one thing that truly mattered here.

“Yes, that is what I’ve heard. I’d like to thank you for bringing my sister back, though I’m certain there’s a motive behind it,” Robb said frankly, voice even and calm. I gave him an affirming nod.

“There is, though not a malicious one. I was hoping we might all talk in your tent, Lord Stark. There are many moving pieces, it might be a rather long conversation,” I proposed, looking around at the various Stark soldiers before us. I showed no sign of discomfort. 

Robb looked back at Sansa and his mother, who would not let go of one another. Caitlynn Stark nodded eagerly, and her son nodded at us with a sigh.

“Very well, then. Follow me.”

Our simple three-person party, plus Sansa and her mother, walked behind Lord Stark as he guided us to his tent. The Stark soldiers crowded us the entire time, clearly eager to get a look at the spectacle.

Once inside Robb Stark’s tent, he instantly offered us seats, pulling out his own chair at the table. Loras and I immediately joined him.

“Thank you, my lord. Though you may want to consider bringing in Sansa, she is a part of this discussion as well,” I mentioned, watching him pause for a moment and then nod. He glanced at one of the guards in the tent, motioning for him to go retrieve his sister.

“So, the Lannisters and the Tyrells truly desire peace now?” He asked, pouring three glasses of wine. I eagerly took it when he handed it to me, for it had been quite a week of traveling. 

“It is, though I fear you’re not going to like our terms, simply due to pride more than anything,” I reasoned, to which he sighed. Sansa joined us in the tent then, awkwardly taking a seat next to Loras. Her mother and various other advisors joined us as well. I was not surprised—the conversation warranted it.

“And what is it that you propose?” Robb asked, hands coming together in front of his face with his elbows propped up on the arms of his chair. 

“I propose that you take your men and march back to Winterfell, along with your sister and my brother. If you do this, the Tyrells and the Lannisters will stand down and let this war call itself done,” I said, watching his eyebrows raise as he pondered what I’d offered. Everyone around the four of us—besides his mother—started to make a big fuss, but he put a hand out to silence them all. There was an anxious look on Catelyn Stark’s face, for all she wanted was to make sure her daughters were safe. 

“You’re asking me to abandon my cause for no reason,” he said plainly, and I could tell the idea annoyed him. Well, obviously it did. He’d been at war for quite some time now, and this version of peace was essentially defeat in his eyes.

“Not for no reason. You get to take your sister home now,” I told him, crossing my legs and leaning back in my chair. He huffed out a laugh, glancing at his mother.

“My sister is already with me, why would I care about your terms when I could easily have the two of you murdered right here and right now, before you could even think about taking her back?” He questioned. I opened my mouth to tell him that Tywin would absolutely crush him if he dared to, but I was thankfully stopped by Sansa’s voice.

“Oh Robb please don’t. They’re not like the Lannisters, Lady (Y/N) is a good woman, and Ser Loras is unbelievably kind,” she pleaded, seemingly worried for both me and the man she’d recently married. 

“I won’t unless they make me. I’m simply wondering why their offer matters when I certainly could do that if I wished to,” he told her, looking over at Loras and I as he did. His threats were insignificant to me--I’d already scanned the space for possible items to defend myself with. The Young Wolf was the one who ought to be fearing for his life right now. Even despite all the men around us, I could kill him in one swift movement if I wanted to.

“Because- because I’ve already agreed to their terms,” Sansa said softly, only hesitating for a moment. Robb instantly turned his gaze back to her, somewhat shocked. Lady Catelyn wore the same expression.

“What?”

“Robb… if you were to kill them, take me, and keep fighting, the Lannisters would crush you eventually anyways. And when they did, you’d all die and I’d just be taken back to King's Landings, married off to someone far worse than Ser Loras. And so, I’ve agreed… to go to Highgarden should you deny Lady (Y/N),” she said softly, eyes pleading and hoping that her brother would do the right thing. I could tell she desperately wanted to stay with her family.

“And make no mistake, Lord Stark, our armies, the largest in the realm, would not take kindly to the murder of their future lord and current commander. And it would be no different if you took us hostage,” Loras spoke up, gesturing over to me. I thought back to the night at the inn and just how many men had offered me their room. I had to fight back a smile, both due to the memory and pride in my little brother.

Robb Stark only scowled and stood up, glaring daggers at me from his ‘assertive’ position. I remained calm, looking at him rather blankly. He knew that we had put this reality into Sansa’s mind, but also that it was the reality. He could die or go on our terms.

“Damn you,” he snarled, fists driving into the wooden table. I remained quiet, waiting for him to gain composure. Loras looked at me and sat still when he realized what offense I was taking. 

“Robb, please-” his mother attempted to step in, but went quiet when he continued speaking.

“As long as that boy king who took my fathers head is on the throne, I will never stop fighting. Not to mention, you still have Arya. I want both of my sisters back, Lady Tyrell,” he ranted bitterly, continuing to look down at me. Again, his mother appeared as though she wanted to say something.

“No they don’t, Robb. Arya hasn’t been seen since father died. She escaped. The Lannisters have been lying about it,” Sansa revealed, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. Her brother stood up straight, seemingly processing that information. When he looked at his mother, she nodded. Sansa had told Catelyn the same thing outside the tent earlier, it was not a lie.

We all sat in silence for a moment, though it was broken by my sigh. I licked my lips, sitting straight in my chair as I glanced up at the Young Wolf.

“Lord Stark, could we please speak alone?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? So you could slit my throat and end the war,” he scoffed, squinting at me. I raised an eyebrow.

“I am unarmed, my lord.”

“Yes, but exceedingly clever. I’m not a fool, Lady Tyrell.”

“If I truly desired to do such a thing I would have done so already. I was far less surrounded earlier. Plus, I have a distinct desire to keep my brother safe and return to the rest of my loved ones,” I reasoned with subtle annoyance. Did I really have to spell it all out for him?

Robb only stared at me, and then looked around the tent. After a moment, he sighed and nodded, signaling that everybody leave us. Catelyn whispered something to him, and he replied just as softly, placing a quick hand on her arm before she left.

After about a minute or so, he and I were entirely by ourselves. The Young Wolf finally sat back down, scanning my face and then smiling to himself. That was odd. I wondered if his earlier behavior was all for appearances. 

“The Nightshade of the Garden… you’ll have to forgive me, I’m still in a bit of awe. As I said before, you’re legend. When I was younger, my brother Jon and I would stay up talking about you. Both of us had heard stories, we always argued about who would marry you,” he admitted, which explained very well why he was smiling. I couldn’t help but do the same, for it was a somewhat wholesome vision. 

“And yet here we are: you’re happily married with a child on the way, and Jon Snow is a member of the night's watch,” I said, to which he nodded. 

“Even then, I’d heard you had quite the sharp tongue. I suppose I’m about to find out, aren’t I?” He reckoned, sipping the wine from his cup and raising his eyebrows at me. Without everyone else present, it was a more comfortable environment. 

“Well, it mostly depends on how much convincing you take. And, I will apologize in advance if I appear to be rude, I don’t mean to be. I’ve truly got quite a lot of respect for you, Lord Stark, but I fear I can get quite passionate when trying to convince others. I’ve raised my voice at Tywin Lannister quite a few times, if that is any indication,” I mentioned, to which he looked quite amused. 

“Then you must at least be reasonable, for I don’t know how else you’d get away with doing such a thing,” he joked, relaxing a bit and leaning back in his chair. I smiled a bit, thinking about just how tolerant Tywin had always been of me. For a man with his reputation, he had taken a great deal of my beratings relatively well. Though, my answer did not portray that, for I did not want to let him know just how close Tywin and I were.

“It’s truly a miracle, Lord Stark.”

We stared at each other for a few moments, and he took another drink of wine before setting his cup down. 

“Well, we better get on with it. I’m not going to bother explaining why I don’t want to retreat back to Winterfell, you already understand well enough,” he said, crossing his arms and waiting for my response.

“I do understand, especially because I myself would be hesitant to do so. But the reality of it is, you need to ask yourself why you began to fight this war in the first place,” I began, retrieving all I had planned out from my head. I needed to hit every point that I possibly could.

“I went to war for my father, I wasn’t going to just let him be put in chains.”

“Exactly, and once he was dead, you continued to retrieve your sisters. Even if revenge was part of it, that was never the most important part, I would wager.”

Robb Stark only stared at me, a look in his eyes that told me I was right. That was all I needed in order to continue speaking.

“Well, here we are, bringing you Sansa and admitting that Arya hasn’t been seen since Ned Stark was slaughtered. Would you really ask for more?”

“It’s just as you’ve said, Lady Tyrell, he was slaughtered by the Lannisters. If I make peace, it means I’ve allowed that,” he shot back, to which I inhaled and feigned contemplation. My reply was swift, I’d already prepared for this.

“Of course, I understand the implications. But the truth of it is, he was murdered by Joffrey, no one else. Your sister pleaded for them to have mercy on Ned, and even Cersei was in favor of that. You had Jaime, after all. It was only Joffrey who gave the order,” I told him, knowing that though Cersei could be impractical, she knew what killing Ned Stark would result in. Though, she deserved some blame for not being able to control her son, I supposed.

“Even so, he’s sitting on the iron throne. How can I allow that? My own father took up arms for less.” 

“You must allow it. Otherwise your army will be destroyed, and so will you and your family. That’s not a threat, merely a fact, and it’s the reason that I’m here. I want to prevent that from happening,” I explained, looking at him seriously to let him know that I meant it.

“You’re here because you’re empathetic? Be realistic, Lady (Y/N). Your sister gets to be queen and you get to save some money, that’s why you’re here.”

“I am being realistic, Lord Stark. If you need further proof, allow me to give it. Only a few weeks before Sansa married Loras, Tywin Lannister asked for my advice on something. Do you want to know what that was?” I began, leaning forward and folding my hands together in front of me. When Robb only raised an eyebrow in expectation, I continued.

“Lord Tywin had received a letter from Walder Frey, explaining exactly how he planned to marry his daughter to your uncle. He also explained that—with Lord Tywin’s support—he wished revenge for your broken oath. He would’ve had your mother, wife, and unborn child massacred in front of you. And of course, you would not have left with your life either. That is the fate you might’ve met,” I revealed, watching a sick realization settle inside of him. It had all just clicked in his head, and he looked as if he was going to either vomit or cry. Perhaps both.

“I could have easily encouraged Lord Tywin to take that opportunity, to end the war without a single doubt. That certainly would’ve saved both of our houses quite a bit of money. But I didn’t. I did not want to see an entire family slaughtered that way, nor did I want the entire north to forever distrust the Lannisters and Tyrells. So, to save the lives of both you and all those you love, and to hopefully restore at least a fragile peace to the seven kingdoms, I’m here. I’m here, Lord Stark, humbly asking you to do the right thing and go home. This plan is not guaranteed to work, in fact it takes away the one person the Lannisters and my own house had to bargain with before. However, it’s the right thing to do, and as your father’s son, I had hoped you would appreciate that.”

For a solid two minutes, there was silence. Maybe it was longer.

“I do appreciate that, Lady (Y/N)... My family means more to me than anything else, and it seems that you saved our lives. But how do I know that they’re safe once I’ve gone back to Winterfell? What if Joffrey decides he wants us killed after all?” He asked quietly, attempting to appear unbothered but failing miserably. He could hardly even speak at a normal volume.

“Tywin Lannister rules, not Joffrey, and I am quite good at convincing Tywin Lannister. How do you think Sansa ended up marrying Loras? She was supposed to marry Tyrion Lannister to begin with, and it was my word that convinced the Lord Hand to call off that match,” I said, telling it exactly how it was. Robb squinted as if he was trying to figure me out.

“I did not expect you to have such a sway over the Old Lion. Of all the things I’ve heard about him, I’ve never once heard that he was particularly fond of other people’s opinions. Well, perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised. Your tongue is just as much a blade as your sword,” the Young Wolf remarked, to which I couldn’t help but smile a bit. 

“You’re full of compliments, aren’t you, Lord Stark?”

He smiled a bit at that too, though it did not last long. He sighed out, clearly contemplating everything.

“Tywin Lannister may rule over Joffrey, but even he could not prevent that boy from cutting off my father’s head. If he should ever grow bold enough to go behind his grandfather’s back-”

“He wouldn’t dare. Tywin was not in King’s Landing when Joffrey acted, things would’ve turned out much differently if he had been. You will have no trouble from the king, and you must trust me when I say that. He was not even informed of my being here until after I left the capital. But either way, Joffrey won’t be king much longer with the way that things are going. Peasants or poison will get him eventually, I suspect. If they don’t, it’s because his grandfather is far too good at his job.”

“And speaking of his grandfather, how am I to trust Tywin Lannister? As you said, he certainly wouldn’t have felt any remorse killing my entire family.”

I nodded, it was a fair point, and one I’d prepared for.

“If he had wanted to have you all slaughtered, he would’ve just gone ahead and done it, he wouldn’t have allowed me to come. He may be ruthless at times, but he’s not utterly psychotic. If you make peace with us and ‘swear fealty’ to Joffrey, he will not seek to do anything else. Running seven kingdoms does not make him eager to cause more violence and spend more money.”

“When you say swear fealty-”

“I mean returning home. If you do not pursue further, we will pass it off as you having sworn fealty. I’m certain Joffrey will whine, as will some of the pathetic cunts at court, but whine is the most they will do. Soon enough all shall be distracted with a royal wedding.”

Robb Stark nodded and continued to think about what I was offering. He looked remorseful as he did, and I knew he wished this was not a situation he had to be in. 

“I fear I’ve ignored counsel one too many times, Lady (Y/N). Perhaps if I hadn’t, this wouldn’t be necessary. Well, here we are. I want to accept your terms, I truly do, but what will my men think? I’ve led them for far too long, let their sons and fathers die in battle. How am I supposed to tell them we’re turning around and going home after all that?” he asked with a sigh, clearly feeling quite defeated. I carefully reached for his hands, looking right into his eyes as I spoke. 

“By being honest with them. They know just as well as you do that funds and men are low, and they know the odds are practically zero. They’re not dumb, Lord Stark, but they’ve been holding on for you. Most of those men desire to go home to their wives and children, they wish to harvest their crops in time for winter. They want to do exactly what you do, and now that your sister is back, perhaps it’s time we let this be. Let the dead bury the dead, Lord Stark. Your father is gone, and I'm confident that soon Joffrey will be too.”

I watched Robb contemplate all that I’d said, looking over at the military table beside us and sighing. Years of death and destruction, for what? I saw it written on his face.

“I want to do it, Lady (Y/N), I truly do, but it’s hard.”

“I know it is. At the end of the day, Lord Stark, consider what’s best for the men serving you if nothing else.”

He nodded and rubbed his forehead. Suddenly, he looked just like a boy. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be leading an army at this age. Well, I could, but my involvement in the Greyjoy Rebellion had never been personal. He had literally been fighting for the lives of his family members. 

“You know, the rumors don’t do you justice,” Robb said after a moment, making me raise an eyebrow.

“Rumors?”

“About you being persuasive. I had not a clue it would be so intense,” he admitted, hand coming to the back of his neck. I smiled.

“I told Lord Tywin this once: people often mistaken nightshade as an innocent berry, and they only realize it’s poisonous once it’s too late.”

“You speak with Tywin Lannister quite a lot, don’t you?”

“I believe he respects me quite a lot. In some ways, I think I keep him from getting too bored. Nobody else dares to challenge him,” I said with a grin. Robb gave a small laugh, shaking his head.

“My wife does the exact same to me.”

—————

“Men!”

Lord Stark had gathered his entire army, and stood before them now to announce what we’d discussed. At least, I hoped he would. It was hard to know, for he’d met with his advisors to discuss all I’d said with him.

“I stand before you today to announce something important. Some of you will surely like it, some of you surely won’t, but you’d better hear it from me,” he began, swallowing and watching their faces closely. 

“Lady (Y/N) Tyrell, and her brother, Ser Loras Tyrell, have brought back my sister. They did this with the hopes that peace could be negotiated between us. After quite a lot of discussion, I have agreed to it,” he revealed the reason for his speech, and the crowd immediately began to talk. Someone yelled ‘silence!’ after seeing that Robb wished to keep speaking.

“I know most of you have lost sons, brothers, and fathers in the war. Well, I have too. But now that my sister is back, with no current knowledge of where Arya is, the Stark family is as together as it can be. And for all of you, as my men, I want the same. I want to return you home to your wives and daughters, to let you harvest your crops before the upcoming winter. We’ve all fought long, and we’ve fought well, but there’s no point in getting any more of us killed. Our numbers are too small now, all of you know that just as well as I do. I know many of you want revenge on Joffrey for taking my fathers head, I craved it more than all of you combined. But you all knew my father, wept with me when he died. He wouldn’t have wanted any more of us to keep dying in an attempt to kill that boy. You named me King in the North, and you’ve all followed me with the utmost loyalty. I hope that you will continue to, and that you can all appreciate me doing the honorable thing, rather than the prideful thing, just as my father would’ve.”

There was silence for a moment, and then one man yelled ‘King in the North!’ and knelt before Robb. After him, it seemed as if they all fell like dominoes, chanting for the young man they were following. Robb smiled, clearly relieved that his men were not upset with him. 

When it was all done, he came up to me, fidgeting with his gloves.

“I suppose I’ll have to give up that title, won’t I?” he asked, sighing out. I did the same thing, though nodding. 

“Some measures will need to be taken to placate Joffrey, and I’m afraid that’s one of them. It’s the only one that truly matters, I suppose,” I explained, wrapping my cloak around my arms a bit better. We weren’t even that far north, but it was still significantly colder than King’s Landing. 

“Well, I’d give up quite a lot of things for my sisters. I feel I can thank you fully now, Lady (Y/N), for bringing Sansa home to me—to my mother,” he said, graciously taking my hands between his. I gave him an understanding smile.

“Of course, Lord Stark. And I’ll thank you for doing your best to restore a fragile peace to the realm. I don’t expect you to fully trust House Tyrell or House Lannister anytime soon, but I hope you will remember that I try my best to do the honorable thing. Well, sometimes, at least. I also hope that should another threat ever come for Westeros, you’ll join us as part of the seven kingdoms,” I said, sparking an amused look on his face.

“Perhaps I’ll just say I won’t, it might give me another chance to be convinced by you,” he joked, laughing just as I was. After a moment, another thought popped into my head. I raised my eyebrows to gesture that I wished to speak, and Robb quieted his laughter to hear me.

“Another thing, Lord Stark. Tyrion Lannister promised to return Ice once peace was made. I’ll carry this promise out and have it returned to your family,” I said, and though he tried to remain calm, his face inevitably lit up.

“Thank you, Lady (Y/N). It is much appreciated.”

I merely nodded, suddenly distracted by the sound of laughter coming from behind me. Robb and I turned around, finding Loras in conversation with Sansa and Catelyn. They all looked quite happy.

“Will my brother… will Loras be alright at Winterfell?” I asked after a moment, suddenly anxious to have to leave him. I knew this might come and yet… and yet I was not ready.

“He will. Don’t worry about him. He’ll be freezing at first, but we’ve got the best coats and tunics to keep him as warm as possible. Over time, he’ll adjust. And I’m glad to say my sister seems quite happy with him,” he assured me, watching them rather fondly.

“It was not a love marriage, but I’m certain they will be great friends, and that is certainly better than most marriages in Westeros,” I remarked with a sigh.

“Yes, it certainly is. I imagine you yourself will be betrothed soon. I wish you the happiness that I’ve had in my marriage,” he said genuinely, turning his head to look over at me.

“Thank you, Lord Stark,” I replied with a nod, though I truthfully felt like screaming. The only man I could stomach the idea of marrying was most certainly not on the marriage market.

The Lord of Winterfell and I gave each other a mutual look of respect, and though I expected him to walk away, Robb pulled me into a hug. 

“Thank you so much, Lady (Y/N), for being the bravest person in all three houses and doing something unusual to end the war and bring peace in Westeros,” he whispered. I merely smiled and hugged him back.

“Of course, Lord Stark. I was getting tired of all the men making stupid decisions.”

He chuckled at that, and pulled away.

“I’m certain I’ll see you again someday, Lady (Y/N).”

“I hope so, Lord Stark.”

With that, we parted ways. Ser Elias and I were set to go back on our own; the rest of the guards that had accompanied us would stay with Loras and Sansa. 

I cried after saying goodbye to Loras. I knew I’d see him again once Winterfell was completely rebuilt and prosperous again, but it still hurt. I had never been without either of my siblings for so long.

At the very least, I reassured myself in knowing that I would get to break the news to Tywin. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he realized I’d successfully talked Robb Stark into peace. I hoped he would pull me into his arms and tell me he was proud. Though I knew he wouldn’t, I wanted him to cup my face in his hands and kiss me. But, even besides all that, I was proud of myself. I was proud to know that I’d been able to restore a family, and at least partially restore the realm. It had not been Tywin, nor Robb, nor anybody else who’d done it, not really. It had been me.

TAGLIST:

@cheyxfu @lemonscoffee @groovy-lady 

@ladysindar @vesta-ro @exo-nova @paola-carter

@prettykinkysoul 

@fullmoonshadowwrites @kishie8 

@the-desilittle-bird @dianilaws @girlonfireice 

@muscari-fae @lostgirllulu 

@abigfanofgameofthrones @smalltownbigheart 

@frombloodandflesh @supernaturalismyreligion666

@thanyatargaryen @rey26 @hexandale @pkawaiidesu5394 @aimsro @gbatesx @lockleysgrl @alicefiresage @stargazingwatercolouredbeing @drwho-ess @mulletmcghee @mamawiggers1980

[princess-of-the-corner]

Toontown Corporate Clash Recap: Toontown Central Tour

Welcome to Toontown Central! This Neighborhood serves as Toontown’s capital.

Aside from the Gag Shop (Staffed by Clerk Clark the blue dog and Clerk Clara the red rabbit), Trolley, Toon HQ, Pet Shop (staffed by Poppy the orange rabbit, Pappy the blue horse, Peppy the red mouse), and Clothing Store (staffed by Tammy the rabbit with a tan head, green arms, and sienna legs) housed in every Playground, Toontown Central Playground also has Toontown Schoolhouse (staffed by Professor Pete), Toontown Library (staffed by Librarian Larry, a maroon cat), Toontown Bank (staffed by Banker Bob, a maroon horse in glasses), and Toon Hall (I’ve already introduced you to the 3 Toons who work here).

Next to Toontown Schoolhouse is a doorway to the basement, which is connected to a set of gear sigils. If you approach the sigils, you’ll receive a message that your Toon can hear Cog noises coming from below the building, and thus decides not to go down there.

Toontown Central Playground is also home to the Restoration Station, a stand staffed by Paletti Swatch. Paletti Swatch sells Toons Redraws and Renames. A Redraw lets you redesign your Toon, up to and including their species. The first redraw is free, but any later ones will cost 10,000 Jellybeans. Additionally, there’s a 7 day cool down between redraws. Renames let you change your Toon’s name. Again, first one is free, but there’s ALSO a 10,000 Jellybean fee to later renames, and you also have to wait 30 days before you can get a second one.

You might’ve noticed that I didn’t mention Paletti’s species or color. That’s because Paletti Swatch’s design is randomly generated every time you load into Toontown Central playground, AND their appearance is Client Side. The only consistent element of their appearance is that they always wear a tie-dyed shirt with either rainbow shorts or a rainbow skirt.

Aside from Paletti, you can also find Freddy by the gazebo in the center of the Playground, itself near the fishing pond. Freddy is a light blue rabbit, and also the Playground’s local fisherman. Just talk to him to sell your fish for Jellybeans. On the edges of the playground, you can find 3 more NPC’s just out in the open:

Bay T. Tester: A black cat in red clothes and green glasses, he gives out a limited-event Sidetask that is exclusive to the game’s beta.

Travis the Trash Cat: An orange cat who lives in a trashcan, an NPC designed after the orange cat in the game’s delete button.

Tumbles: A black kiwi and “tacky tourist” who’s part of an ongoing sideplot. You can find him by Toon Hall.

Toontown Central Playground has four tunnels that each lead to different streets.

All four streets have a Gag N’ Go halfway through.

Gag N’ Gos are special Gag Trucks staffed by Reid Stock, a light green koala. all of her Gags are home grown, so they’re twice as expensive as the Gags in the Gag Shop. The “Buy one, Get one Free!” sign in front of the Gag ‘N Go is referring to how if YOU buy one Gag, Reid will get one free. She might be doing this out of the goodness of her heart, but she also has to support her elderly parents and is breaking her back to grow these gags.

Aside from that, the streets have the following buildings:

Loopy Lane:

Seltzer Bottles and Cans (run by a blue dog named Sid Seltzer)

Vanishing Cream (run by an invisible duck known as Nona Seeya)

Used Firecrackers (run by a blue horse named Smokey Joe)

The Meatball Shoppe (run by a turquoise horse named Papa Stahl)

An Unnamed Shop Designated by a Shirt with a Hole Burned Through it (run by a blue racoon named Sam Stain)

Visible Ink (run by a green rabbit named Inky Ivon)

The Kaboomery (run by a yellow mouse with pyromania by the name of Shorty Fuse)

Sidesplitter’s Mending (run by a green pig named Sasha Sidesplitter)

Crack Up Auto Repair (run by a citrine cat named Lucy Tires)

Suction Cups and Saucers (run by a cream koala named Clovinia Cling)

Jest for Laughs (run by a yellow rabbit named Jester Chester)

Soup and Crack Ups (run by a red cat named Sally Spittake)

Bottled Cans (run by a blue cat named Weird Warren)

Cast-Iron Kites (run by a red rabbit named Rick rockhead).

Kooky Cineplex (which has no shopkeeper)

Laughter Hours Café (run by a citrine horse named Tee Hee)

Chortle Café (run by a periwinkle horse named Charlie Chortle)

Toontown Post Office (run by a green dog named Postmaster Pete)

Blue Glue Direct 2 You (run by an unlucky maroon mouse named Sticky Lou)

Spaghetti and Goofballs (run by a yellow rabbit known as Chef Knucklehead)

Wiseacre’s Noisemakers (run by a citrine mouse by the name of Will Wiseacre)

Movie Multiplex (no shopkeeper)

14 Karat Goldfish (run by a maroon duck known as Sharky Jones)

News for the Amused (run by an aqua pig by the name of Paige Arthur)

Punchline Place:

Sofa Whoopee Cushions (run by a coral duck by the name of Nancy Gas)

Inflatable Wrecking Balls (run by a purple rabbit known as Big Bruce)

The Karnival Kid (vacant)

Dr. Pulyurleg, Chiropractor (Dr. Pulyurleg is a yellow cat)

Toontown Mess Hall (run by a yellow rabbit named Chef E.Z. Bake)

Barely Palatable Pasta (run by a pink bat named Crunchy Alfredo)

Hardy Harr Seminars (run by a pink mouse named Dr. Sensitive)

The Punch Line Gym (run by a tan mouse named Franz Neckvein)

Toontown Theater (empty)

Funny Bone Emergency Room (run by a lavender cat named Nurse Nancy)

Phony Baloney (run by a slate blue dog named Tony Maroni)

Zippy’s Zingers (Zippy is a sea green dog)

The Flying Pie (run by a tan horse named Ned Slinger)

Professor Wiggle’s House of Giggles (Professor Wiggle is a red cat)

Rubber Chicken Sandwiches (run by a slate blue cat named Chewy Morsel)

Punchline Movie Palace (vacant)

Sundae Funnies Ice Cream (run by a green cat named Cindy Sprinkles)

Silly Street:

Impractical Jokes (run by a slate blue dog named T.P. Rolle)

All Smiles Tooth Repair (run by a green koala named Dentist Daniel)

Hogwash and Dry (run by a lime kangaroo named Sir Babbles a Lot)

One-Liner Miners (run by a tan cat named Canary Coalmine)

Toontown Sign Factory (run by a sea green dog named Bill Board)

Jumping Beans (run by a beige turkey named Dancing Diego)

All Fun and Games Shop (run by a citrine dog named Lazy Hal)

Tickle Machines (run by a citrine rabbit named Feather Duster)

Dr. Tom Foolery (run by a royal book duck named Dr. Foolery)

Toontown Cinerama (empty)

Dr. I.M. Euphoric (run by a blue horse named Dr. Euphoric)

The Merry Mimes (run by a red beaver named Silent Simone, who never speaks)

Weird Beard’s Disguise Shop (run by a cat with a brown head, orange body, and coral legs by the name of Sneezy Kitty)

Silly Stunts (run by a sea green duck known as Rollo the Amazing)

All That Razz (run by a brown duck named Roz Berry)

Soup Forks (run by a pink duck known as Dan Dribbles)

Paper Airplanes (run by a purple rabbit named Patty Papercut)

Laughing Gas Station (run by a blue cat known as Sal Snicker)

Mary’s Go Around Travel Company (Mary is a red horse)

Happy Hooligans Pub (run by a lime rabbit named Bruiser McDougal)

House of Bad Pies (run by a brown rabbit named Ma Putrid): Its sign also has the slogan “SORRY, WE’RE OPEN” written on it.

Jesse’s Joke Repair (run by a royal blue mouse named Jesse Jester)

Daffy Taffy (run by a maroon duck named Daffy Don)

The Happy Times (run by a cream cat named Happy Heikyung)

The Laughin’ Place (run by a lime horse named Honey Haha)

Clown Class (run by a sienna horse named Professor Binky)

Laughing Lessons (run by a maroon dog named Professor Guffaw)

Funny Money Savings and Loan (run by a periwinkle duck named Woody Nickel)

Used Clown Cars (run by a citrine duck named Loony Louis)

Tee-Hee Tea Shop (run by a slate blue cat named Madame Chuckle)

Frank’s Pranks (run by a maroon rabbit named Frank Furter)

Toontown Playhouse (vacant)

Monkey Tricks (run by a lime monkey named Harry Ape)

Joy Buzzers to the World (run by a periwinkle rabbit named Joy Buzzer)

Muldoon’s Maroon Balloons (Muldoon is a red dog)

Canned Bottles (run by a maroon cat named Spamonia Biggles)

Wacky Way:

Wacky Way Wonderworld (run by a yellow rabbit named Wacky Wally)

Gagsoline Oil Refineries (locked tight, you can’t currently enter)

Toon Mobile (run by a sienna cat named Louise Connection)

Slip and Slide (run by a sienna dog named Rancid Robert)

Wacky Way-ving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man (run by a cream rabbit named Al Hare-ington)

A Gaggle of Gags (run by a slate blue duck named Good Ol’ Honkin’ Sally)

Pies are Squared (run by a periwinkle cat named P.I. Multiply)

Dogs of Wisdom Bookstore (run by a blue dog named Bookworm Bork)

The Circuit Breaker (run by a yellow monkey named Professor Proton)

Recessed Is In Session (run by a black bear named B.R. Bea)

Lying Birthday Cakes (run by a lime rabbit named Chef Foolery)

Topsy Turvey Tailors (run by a pink mouse named R.E. Versed)

The Laughing Fit (run by a yellow kiwi named Louis Laffon)

The Mehvie Theater (vacant)

Green Eggs and Spam (run by a green pig named Spam Iam)

The Building Beside Me is Lying to you (run by an orange monkey named Pants on Fire)

No, the Building Beside Me is Telling the Truth (run by a slate blue monkey named Liar Liar)

The exclusive fish species in this neighborhood are as follows:

Weather Balloon Fish (Punchline Place)

Water Balloon Fish (Silly Street)

Red Balloon Fish (any Toontown Central Pond)

Circus Clown Fish (any Toontown Central Pond)

Toontown Central has two special nameplates. There’s a statue of a mouse riding a nonsapient horse (this is the Goofy and Pluto problem all over again), and if you use the “Yeehaw” speedchat phrase next to it, you’ll get Toontown Central’s first nameplate. In Toon Hall, there’s a banana peel on a pedestal. Click on it, you get a banana-themed nameplate.

Okay, I hope this was more manageable, and next time, we’re going over the Cogs.

-

The wordplay on the names is fucking fantastic 10/10.

[ballpitbee]

Hay umm random things i want to get a sidesplitter stimboard made because silly lil robot, i was just going to ask if that's okay with you before i do it

Ooh of course!!

As long as I'm tagged and credit is given and whatnot! That sounds awesome thank you for asking! :D

[cunningvillan]

I will never know the intense beacon of a single, clear ancestry, and its radiating pull wherever I am in the world. But I will know the gentle pulse of two familiar islands, on opposite ends of the earth, beating softly across Eurasia. Each in my possession. Each possessing me. Each the other’s completing half. Each home.

-Phil Wang, ‘Sidesplitter,’ p. 251

[clemsbiggestfan]

Literally just a list of every book I've read this year, ranked.

A Heart That Works - Rob Delaney

Written in Bone - Sue Black

Our Wives Under the Sea - Julia Armfield

The Memory of Animals - Claire Fuller

A Marvellous Light - Freya Marske

The Cockroach - Ian McEwan

Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race - Reni Eddo-Lodge

Notes on an Execution - Danya Kukafa

War Doctor: Surgery on the Front Line - David Nott

It's OK to Be Angry About Capitalism - Bernie Sanders

Taste - Stanley Tucci

Glutton: The Multi-Course Life of a Very Greedy Boy - Ed Gamble

Strong Female Character - Fern Brady

Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man - Emmanuel Acho

The Nickel Boys - Colson Whitehead

Sidesplitter - Phil Wang

LOTE - Shola von Reinhold

Vladimir - Julia May Jonas

Lessons in Chemistry - Bonnie Garmus

Patricia Wants to Cuddle - Samantha Allen

Climate Change is Racist - Jeremy Williams

Chlorine - Jade Song

The Transgender Issue - Shon Faye

Le Consentement - Vanessa Springora

Black Klansman - Ron Stallworth

Pageboy - Elliot Page

The Herd - Andrea Bartz

All That Remains - Sue Black

James Acaster's Guide to Quitting Social Media - James Acaster

What Would the Spice Girls Do? - Lauren Bravo

Educated - Tara Westover

The Frighteners - Peter Laws

Gay Bar: Why We Went Out - Jeremy Atherton-Lin

Fix the Systen, Not the Women - Laura Bates

The History Boys - Alan Bennett

Letters of Note: Love - Shaun Usher

The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka

What a Shame - Abigail Bergstrom

Burnt Sugar - Avni Doshi

Just by Looking at Him - Ryan O'Connell

Devil House - John Darnielle

Poor - Caleb Femi

The Decagon House Murders - Yukito Ayasuji

I'm Afraid of Men - Vivek Shraya

I'm a Fan - Sheena Patel

The Mad Women's Ball - Victoria Mas

Daisy Chains - Lynne Vande Stouwe

Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons - Sam Steiner

Confessions of a Funeral Director - Caleb Wilde

Misfits: A Personal Manifesto - Michaela Coel

Insomnia - Marina Benjamin

My Darling from the Lions - Rachel Long

Bluets - Maggie Nelson

Heatwave - Victor Jestin

[doughmansland70]

Redd Foxx ' The Sidesplitter' - LP U.S. Pressing (1959)

[fwfcommunity]

Follow @fwfcommunity to learn and Teach the fitness skills. Determination and perseverance can help one achieve impossible and who better than @bharti_rustagi to prove this.... well done for your amazing transformation 👏👏and exhibiting mobility postures. We remember the day you joined and till date you have transformed alot. Truly you are motivation for other @fwfcommunity members. DM @fwfcommunity If you want to be the change and learn pistol squats and stretching postures #fwfcommunity #thegusto #pankajdhama7 #pistolsquats #motivation #fitness #sidesplitters #learnpistolsquat #pickoftheday https://www.instagram.com/p/CNPoyyRHbMp/?igshid=fi6qs6au8h4y

[doedreamss]

Fanfiction Trope FMK: Adam Hangman Page, Joey Janela and Jon Moxley. ;P

hahaha, I got this same three batch of men from our darling von last night, and try as I might, I can’t swap the answers around (although I still don’t think moxley and I would go from enemies to lovers, or even start off as enemies to begin with, but also, I don’t think I’d be enemies with hangman or joey so he just kind of gets… put there lmao poor mox).  but!!!  I was so inspired by the stuff you wrote for your answer, I decided to write a one-shot for one of mine!!  and it has my two favorite things: hangman adam page and horses.

That’s Our Deal

Ship: Hangman Adam Page x Glitter Sidesplitter (FOC)

Rating: General (there may be some foul language but there’s nothing super troubling I don’t think?)

Length: 2,886 words

“Howlong have you two been friends now?”

 “Idon’t know.  Year and a half?  Twoyears?”

 “Andyou haven’t made a move on him once?”

 “No! Remember?  I made the mistake of being a little extra flirty one time whenwe went out to ride Honey and Bandit and I swear he all but ignored me.  Ithink that was the only time Adam has ever been remotely rude to me and it wasmortifying.  So, no.  I will not risk us losing our friendshipbecause I can’t keep it in my pants.  I’m perfectly capable of just beinghis friend.”

 “Uh-huh,”her tag team partner, Neon (ring name, of course – Nihilistic Neon), peeredover her phone at her with an expression that said she wasn’t buying it. Beneath that look, Glitter (also a ring name – Glitter Sidesplitter) squirmed.

 “Neon,he doesn’t even like me like that.  That’s why he didn’t respond when Itried to cross the line and see if he’d take the bait.  We’refriends.  We’re good friends.  Hell, I’d say we’re best friends,even.  I can call him or text him any time of night just to talk and he’s there. It never feels awkward or forced when we’re together.  We spend almostevery afternoon together out at the ranch.  I don’t think I could handlelosing him if I finally fessed up and told him how I felt.  He’s becomesuch an important part of my life.”

 Neonhad set her phone down and was watching her.  She shook her head slowlyback and forth and sighed.

 “You’vegot it bad, girlfriend.”

 Glittergroaned, pressing her hands against her face and sinking down deep into thecouch.

 “WhenI came and asked you for advice on how to bury my feelings you weren’t supposedto expose them and make me realize I’m fucking in love with him.  It’snever going to happen, Neon.  I’m not the kind of girl Adam’s lookingfor.  We’re friends.  Sometimes life isn’t fair.  Sometimes youdon’t get the storybook ending.  The prince doesn’t get to theprincess.  That whole thing.”

 “Wow…”Neon’s shapely, sharp black brow lifted, and her green eyes steadied onGlitter, slouched in anguish.  “You do remember I’m supposed to be thedoom and gloom one in our little dynamic, right?”

 “Shutup.” Glitter muttered and smiled, shaking her head.

 “Glitz,”Neon sighed, setting her phone down and leaning forward on the couch acrossfrom the one Glitter was sitting on.  “Do you remember a couple monthsback when you had your singles match on Dark?”

 “Yeah?” Glitter frowned.

 “Well,I was in the back, watching the match on the monitors, right?”

 “Yeah…” Glitter didn’t understand where Neon was going with this.  They alwayssupported one another if ever they were in a match the other wasn’t wrestlingin.

 “Adamwas there too.  Watching you.  Remember?  He was right therewhen you came backstage, celebrating you and telling you about all the waysyou’ve improved since you started with the company, how you were selling it tothe crowd…”

 “Neon…that doesn’t mean anything.  He was just being a good friend.  Iasked him to help me train a bit after we first became friends, remember? He was just… congratulating me for all that hard work paying off.”

 “Aye,”a frustrated breath disturbed them both, and Neon and Glitter glanced to seetheir friend, Mariana had entered the room at some point during theconversation.  She waved the water bottle she was holding at Glitter andlooked at Neon.  “¡Ellanunca va a escuchar!” 

 “Hey!–” Glitter started, having enough grasp on Spanish to know Mariana had saidsomething about her not listening.  Before she could stick up for herself,Mariana shushed her.

 “Youcan tell her about how Adam gets distracted every time she enters a room. You can tell her about how Adam starts smiling that dumb smile we all make funof when she’s talking.  You can tell herabout how it’s so fucking clear to the rest of us that they’re madly in lovewith each other, but clearly she knows everything and therefore is not going tolisten.”

 Marianaflopped herself down on the couch beside Neon and lifted her boots, plantingthe heels on the little table in front of them. She gave Glitter a pointed look.

 “Okay,”Glitter shook her head, “if any of that were the least bit true, I’d havenoticed by now.”

 Flickersand flashes of memories came speeding at her, like the way Adam grinned themoment they crossed paths with a smile that lit up his face and made herstomach do somersaults.  But he smiled ateveryone, didn’t he?  He was a genuine,kindhearted soul.  She remembered the fewtimes they stood near one another in a room, Adam sometimes gently touched her,let his fingers brush her arm or her hand or even, once, her thigh.  But it could just be natural reflex, sheargued.  If he was trying to touch herintimately, she’d know.  Everyone wasjust reading too much into something and Glitter wasn’t interested in ruiningthe friendship she and Adam had.  Let therumors keep flying.  She’d learn to buryher feelings her own damn self.  Somehelp her friends were!

 Herphone buzzed in her pocket and, giving it a quick read, she leaped for thechance to escape this lunacy like she was drowning and had been thrown a lifepreserver.

 “Well,this has not been insightful at all.  Youguys are all fucking crazy.”  She flashedher characteristic ‘mad grin’ she was known for in-character.  “It’s time for me to go take care of Honey.”

 “Havefun with Adam!”  Neon called teasingly ather back just as the door swung closed.

* * ** * *

Glitterglanced askance at Adam, who sat astride his bay frame overo gelding, Bandit, notfor the first time that afternoon since they’d met up at the stables.  He was in his head, which left her plenty oftime to study his profile, handsome as a devil, and wonder if what Neon andMariana had said was true.  Did Adamreally light up when she entered a room? Was it because they were such good friends – she’d dare to say bestfriends – or was it because he felt something romantic for her too?  The only person who had the answers was Adam,but the only way to know them was to ask. If she asked flat-out if he had feelings for her and he said no, thefabric of their friendship would change.

 Sure,they were both grown adults and could laugh off the misunderstanding… but she’dalways be left aching, and he’d always know she cared for him in a way he didnot care for her.

 As ifhe felt her eyes on him, Adam turned and frowned when he caught her watchinghim.  He always had those soft, almostsad, worried eyes, but when his brows dipped a little more the emotion seemedto increase by about a tenfold. Sometimes it made her want to say nothing, just wrap him in her arms andpull him in close and hold him until he was smiling again.  Right now, however, she felt like she’d beencaught red-handed and blushed, glancing away quick.

 “Everythingalright, Glitz?”

 Glitteradjusted her seat in the saddle, the leather creaking gently with Honey’s gentlypaced walk.

 “Yeah,I’m alright.  You?”  She forced herself to look at him and triedfor a casual, inquisitive look.

 “Yeah…I’m alright.”  He was still frowning ather skeptically.  He hadn’t bought it.

 Adamreadjusted his seat and cheated his torso toward her.  His palm rested on the saddle horn and hisother hands loosely held Bandit’s reins. Today was just a pleasure ride, letting the horses stretch their legs alittle bit without working them hard in the arena, so they were currently beinggiven their head.  Neither Adam norGlitter needed to pay much mind.  Honeyand Bandit had been ridden miles throughout the farmland and forest surroundingthe ranch she and Adam boarded them at and were therefore familiar with theterrain.  They were more than happy tobehave, walking side-by-side through the orchard and flicking their ears tolisten to the human’s conversation as Adam and Glitter talked.

 “Areyou sure you’re alright?  You’ve beenacting kind of funny ever since you got here. Glitz,” he paused, tipping his cowboy hat back a little so the afternoonlight hit his face and those blue eyes showed an ache that immediately made herheart seize.  “Hey,” his country drawlwas soft, “you know you can tell me everything, right?”

 “Ofcourse, Adam.  You know I’d never hideanything from you.”  Guilt twisted herbelly and made her feel sick.  She’d toldhim so many of her deepest, darkest secrets over their hours and hours of conversation,never once hiding a single detail.

 “Wellalright,” he said with a fair amount of skepticism drenched across his tone.  “Just remember you can tell me anything.  That’s our deal, ain’t it?”

 “Yeah,”Glitter said, and forced the smile on her face. “That’s our deal.”

 Glitterfaced forward in the saddle and gathered Honey’s reins.  

 “Raceya to the creek?”  She asked, giving hima glance and then, before he could say yes or no, she squeezed with her knees,adding gentle pressure to Honey’s sides and cracked the reins against her thick,muscled neck.  “Yah!”  She shouted and Honey responded to her energy,gathering her legs under her and lurching forward.

 “Hey!”  Adam yelled at her back.  Glitters laugh was stolen on the wind, herhat nearly flying off her head if not for the string that held it around herneck.  Her black hair tumbled and tuggedback, and she leaned forward, squinting against the air blown past herface.  

 Honey’sstride ate up the ground in a blur, but the pounding of hooves close behinddidn’t take long.  Stretching out herneck, Honey threw more of her energy into the run, picking up her hooves and lurchingas far as her stride would take her. Glitter hollered and cheered her on, feeling the mare’s energy like astorm.  Honey was a young mare andsmaller than Adam’s paint horse gelding, Bandit.

 Thehuffs and puffs of Bandit’s breathing soon became louder than the poundinghooves, and Adam pulled him up alongside her, their horses’ nose-to-nose asthey ran.  Glitter and Adam looked at oneanother and he smiled that wild, happy smile he sometimes got when they didthings like this, free and away from the pressures becoming a weekly televisedwrestler gave them.  Just the pair ofthem, horse nerds at heart, out riding in the wide-open countryside.

 Thetilled farmlands fell away to hills that dipped into valleys just before theline of ponderosa pine trees and firs. The horses began to pull up their gait, careful of the uneven andunpredictable terrain.  Glitter knew thecreek was coming up as soon as they crossed a few lengths of forest and leanedforward, encouraging Honey with a hopeful shout.  Adam held the reins in one hand and snappedthem on Bandit’s neck, hollering, one hand holding his hat firm on his blondcurls that whipped back in the wind.

 Comeon!  Come on!  Come on! Glitter encouraged Honey, her little can-do ranch mare.  

 She’dfallen in love with her the second she saw an advertisement for her, the prettylittle palomino quarter horse with one sock on her back-left leg.  She’d asked Adam to go with her when shelooked at her, because she hadn’t ever owned her own horse, always just tooklessons on horses that weren’t hers. Adam had been so excited and so thrilled she’d asked him to be therewhen she looked Honey over.  He’d beenserious and ready to grill the owner on every question and really check herover to make sure she was perfectly sound and didn’t seem prone to anyweaknesses that’d be a problem later.

 Butthen he’d saw the way Glitter looked at her when he saw her and he’d smiled,elbowed her and said, “Why don’t you go say hi to her?”

 Nowtheir horses were racing neck and neck…

 Honeypulled her nose ahead right at the end, surging forward as if she’d seized anew burst of energy as the winding, babbling waters of the creek came into herline of sight.  Glitter laughed andleaned back in the saddle, pulling gently on the reins and guiding Honey toslow her gait to a walk.  She turned inher saddle to stick her tongue out at Adam once he’d pulled Bandit up.

 “Loser!”

 Adamgrinned and shook his head, whistling low under his breath as he arched a browat Honey.

 “Yougot yourself one hell of a mare there, Glitz.”

 “Iknow!”  Glitter said and turned backaround, patting Honey’s warm, damp neck lovingly.  “If I wasn’t so busy in wrestling, I’dseriously consider putting her in working cow horse competitions.”

 “She’dwin every blue ribbon there is to win, and every trophy too.”

 Theypulled the horses up at the creek and dropped their reins before sliding out ofthe saddle, letting them drink and rest after their unplanned burst ofenergetic fun.  As Honey drank, Glitter gentlyran her fingers through her mane and patted her neck while murmuring littleterms of endearment.  She didn’t noticeAdam watching her from over Bandit’s back, an adoring smile hung loose over hismouth.

 Adamwas already leaning against a tree that grew close to the creek’s edge, thick,muscular arms crossed over that equally built chest.  He’d readjusted his hat and fixed his curlsfrom where the wind had whipped them a little wild.  The brim was pushed back, and Glitter couldsee his handsome face beneath the dappled shade and sun.  Butterflies fluttered in a frenzy in herstomach and she breathed a low breath, desperate to steady herself and keepfrom revealing anything.

 “Hey,what did you want for your prize?”  

 “My prize?”  Glitter questioned, stepping away from Honeyand walking up the bank to where he was lounging upright against the treetrunk.

 “Yeah,for you and Honey winning the race.  Youcan ask me for anything, and I have to give it to you.”

 Wasshe imagining things or had Adam’s eyes dropped to her lips for a second therewhen he asked her that?  Why was herheart suddenly racing a thousand beats per second?  Why did it feel like she was walking on atilt-a-whirl instead of the steady ground?

 “Oh…I…”  She blinked.  Shit, she was staring at his lips.  Her tongue swept the break between hers andshe forced her eyes up to his.  He waswatching her intently and it made her stomach feel like it was doing those highsoaring moonsaults off the ring post that he did.  “I didn’t think there was going to be aprize.  I was just happy holding it overyour head that I was the winner.”  She saidweakly, trying for a casual, nonplussed shrug that probably didn’t come off ascollected and cool as she hoped it would.

 “That’stoo bad,” Adam said, and he looked at her, that strange, piercing look he’d wornfor a moment gone and, in its place, something hopeful and nervous.  His eyes dropped.  Glitter’s gaze followed and noticed he waswringing his hands.  He sniffed hard andforced his eyes back up while hers lifted with them.  “I was hoping you might ask me for a kiss.”

 Hadshe heard him correctly?

 Whileshe stood in front of him, stunned to absolute silence, Adam drew on some sortof courage she was impressed (and a little turned-on) to see he had inhim.  He moved toward her and reachedout, hands gently grasping her arms and pulling her close until they stood toe-to-toe.  She tilted her head up at him, hair tumblingdown her back and hat fallen too.  One ofhis hands slipped and wrapped around her back, encouraging her to press againsthim.  The other gently caught her chinbetween his fingers, turned her head a little and bent to catch his lipsperfectly, softly, sweetly against her own.

 Ittook her all but one second to catch up to the reality that was Adam leaningover her, kissing her deeply.  Shepressed back desperately into him, years of ache and waiting trapped insideher.  It unleashed like a storm, and hertongue slipped into his mouth, and her fingers flew to his plaid button-upshirt and curled tight into the fabric before yanking him close.  He groaned against her tongue as the lengthof her body was pushed against his.

 Theybroke apart only when their lungs were starved and stood, inches apart, warmbreaths shared.  

 “Iwish you would have done that like a year and a half ago,” she whispered onceshe finally felt like she could catch her breath.  

 Theymoved just back enough that their eyes could meet.  He smiled.

 “Metoo, Glitz.”  He leaned forward and theirforeheads gently pressed together.  “Metoo.”

[watermonkeystuff]

Sidesplitter live.

[overliter012]

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[ballpitbee]

Sidesplitters hubris knows no bounds

(referencing this https://tarrmack.tumblr.com/post/676837757676617728/autisticwerewolf-video-description-a-dueted )

[cunningvillan]

“I feel peculiarly at home in airports, where everyone is between worlds. Aside from the obvious exception of differently classed tickets and exclusive lounges, there is a unique egalitarianism in airports. All are equal in their alienness. The airport is a transient place, home to no one. Like a filthy United Nations, its travellers all unwitting ambassadors, all brought down to the same level - shopping in the same duty-free, peeing in the same toilets, gasping in disbelief at the same currency exchange rates, having emotional breakdowns at the same check-in staff.”

-Phil Wang, ‘Sidesplitter,’ p. 224-225

[ofsugarandice]

@caffeinexandxgasoline from glitter sidesplitter cause this needs to happen ❤

         The fork scraped at the metal can, making her wince as her teeth grit hard against the unpleasant sound.  Her mouth was filled with the bland, over-processed taste of POWER PUP, but her stomach was comfortably filled.  Seven years later, her body and her taste buds knew what this was - sustenance.  Even water found in suspicious places with stale, sulfur tastes was choked down if necessary.  Nothing ingested was done so for the pleasure of it’s taste but just enough to get her through another day.

         Flicking her wrist, the can was thrust to the ground in front of her pink, worn knee-high boots, bouncing and clattering over the hard packed sand and little bits of rocks.  The sounds it made as it bounced to a rest echoed in the vast emptiness around her - bouncing off the canyon wall she was sitting against for shade and some small modicum of comfort.  She licked at the back of her teeth and leaned back, pressing the back of her head on the canyon wall and closing her eyes, exhaling slowly.

         Day three on her own wasn’t so bad - she was used to this pattern.  For her first two years she’d staunchly refused to join up with a group - she’d seen how they bonded when she slipped to the parties around the zones, she’d seen how much they’d cared about one another... and she’d seen what happened when the people they cared so much about were ghosted.  Like it or not, they all had a clock ticking down to the inevitable day they were blasted and she wasn’t about to care too long about anyone to get tied up in that mess.

         She’d started shacking up with groups for the purpose of safety in numbers, but her more assertive personality didn’t quite mesh with their idea of group activities.  One after the other, Glitter was dropped.

         The sound of boots on the ground made her perk up - like a deer standing in a meadow, knowing the hunter could be just behind the bushes.  Her fingers curled around the hint of her pink-painted ray gun, tugging it effortlessly from it’s holster as she stood and lifted it, hand steady.  “You picked the wrong day to take a walk in this zone,” she warned, grinning, eyes wide and bright in anticipation and excitement, just waiting for her voice to eagerly call out the dumb drac who hadn’t noticed he was so close to his death - he had to be just behind the bigger rocks, and she’d see him any minute now... her finger stroked the trigger and her smile grew.