#side note I'm also in treatment for complex trauma

[shortviking]

Speaking as someone who has severe adrenal insufficiency (base cortisol <1) and takes hydrocortisone, I would like to really emphasize the severity of low cortisol in my reblog. Not to say that high cortisol isn't life-threatening either, but a lot of people are not aware of the sheer danger the lack of the hormone truly causes.

I'd describe chronically low cortisol as sort of a full-body shut-down. You stop being able to eat, leading to wasting away (which, by the way, if you don't get the issue properly diagnosed or if the treatment doesn't increase your appetite, which are both things that happened to me, the methods used to keep you alive are cruel and scary). Trying to eat feels like torturing yourself.

Everything hurts. Your muscles. Your bones. Your head. When I was 20 I stopped walking for nearly a month due the debilitating flank pain. I'm not sure if it was only AI at play here, but this type of pain is noted to be common in lowered cortisol, and diminished significantly when I finally got settled on hydrocortisone. Your GI system is also on fire. As I said, you are fucking hungry, and throw up even if the only thing you consumed is those drinks from the pharmacy for people who have trouble eating, that are maybe 1/15 of your daily intake.

Since it's known as a "stress hormone", the layman interpretation would be that a cushing's sufferer is "stressed" and an AI sufferer is "calm". That just isn't true. In reality it's associated with many psychiatric and neurological disorders, mainly depression, but also anxiety, sleep disturbances, severe sleepiness and fatigue, and even psychosis. Before I got diagnosed I was thought of as extremely mentally ill and took almost every antidepressant on the market. When the doctors finally listened to me I got put in neurology to rule out conditions like MS or a brain tumor because at this point the fatigue, weakness, headaches, neuropathic pain, and brain sensations I couldn't even begin to describe (like fog but very very bad) were getting unbearable.

The reason we know it as the "stress hormone" is because it's heightened during situations that are stressful on the body, so while, yes, this means high cortisol is present with stress, it also means that if your body doesn't produce the hormone, it can't cope with simple colds, for example, and the AI patient is advised to updose whenever necessary. Of course, it's contentious what situations should be considered "stressful enough" to give your body extra cortisol that would have most likely been there naturally. I've heard of a myriad of stories from people suffering because their bodies were signaling low cortisol but doctors advised against updosing.

The combination of all those factors makes the condition very lethal, either from malnutrition (less common nowadays), or an adrenal crisis, which manifests in extreme pain and fever, and needs to be treated urgently with high doses of HC. There have even been cases of people going into crisis after less than a week of not taking corticosteroids.

So let's stop demonizing cortisol, please. The puffy face I got from treatment is nothing compared to how I looked, and more importantly FELT before it.

you guys know that cortisol and adrenalin arent "toxins" right. and that chronically low cortisol is as much of a problem as chronically high cortisol. I just thought I would mention it because the advertising trends RN are even stupider than usual and it's really bothering me. like all hormones the correct amount to have is "enough" and anything higher or lower than that is bad. how bad it is depends entirely on how out of gamut your levels are for your particular needs and it's not something you can just guess at based solely on how you feel. too much and too little have a lot of identical symptoms. feeling crummy doesn't automatically mean you have "too much stress hormone", and all the marketing you see about "lowering cortisol levels" is complete nonsense. if you're stressed, removing cortisol or adrenaline from your body isn't going to automatically lower your stress levels or make you feel subjectively better. in fact the opposite is often the case.

extensive research on hormone levels and chronic and acute illnesses show that cortisol being too LOW is just as likely in CPTSD and autism (for example) as it is to be too high. low dose hydrocortisone (synthetic oral cortisol medication) self-administration is one of the more promising and effective treatments that's been trialed for fibromyalgia and ME-CFS, for example.

I'm just posting this so you have some mental resistance to the snake oil ads that are constantly circulating. cortisol is a real hormone with real effects on how you feel and how your body functions, but it's not just a chemical you can remove from your body to magically feel better. it doesn't work like that. you need cortisol for basic functions, and while having too much definitely happens and can make you sick, many chronic illnesses actually result in cortisol levels that are too low. much of the time, feelings of stress and illness result from lack of cortisol, not an abundance of it.

either way this is not an issue you can take Instagram supplements about to fix anything, so don't even be tempted. those people are trying to balance your humors and it's bullshit

[ratinacoat]

Hiya. I keep seeing people hate this blog so I wanted to check it out, and in reading some of the asks you’ve answered, wanted to tell a story.

I want to note that what I’m saying isn’t meant to fake claim anyone, and all I’m saying is what’s happened to me in the past in ramcoa spaces and with ramcoa homies.

I met someone at the end of 2022 and was friends with them until just over halfway through 2023. I’ll call them O. It’s not what their name/system name started with, but the association that I have with them is of that letter.

O had a very complex process of showing they trusted someone, but once we were close enough, I was invited into private sections of their personal server that spoke about ramcoa and programming. I will not be sharing any details about that because that feels shitty.

After a while of being friends, we were on a call together one night talking about the sorts of trauma we dealt with and it was really really similar. Both had a horrific parental figure perpetuating most if not all of the abuse. We each had some side trauma that added to the feeling of isolation with that parent. Then O told me the ways their parent would program them, and it was really similar to what I experienced. For example, I knew how many times a day was okay to tell this parent that I loved them before they’d get angry at me, knew the amount of times in a week I was allowed to ask this parent to go shopping, knew exactly which areas of the house to go to when, and it felt like I couldn’t control my behavior in certain situations, like I was made for that parent to just be an object and listen.

They told me that despite us experiencing nearly the same childhood (obviously different in a lot of important respects), their experience was programming and mine was “just conditioning.” It really affected me for some reason. The use of the word “just” from this friend was quite invalidating, and I asked if they thought I could have been programmed, even if by just one person. O told me that it can happen without a big group, as that’s what’s happened to them, but that mine did not qualify (again, we described such similar experiences with the exception of a few things on either end).

After that I started looking up programming information, something they warned me against in case it unlocked something or an omega part or something, and I had groups of people in discord servers telling me that the operations meant to save my life as a baby were also done by surgeons trying to give me did.

That kind of snapped me back into “okay, pause, hold on,” and I started reaching out to people like you, people who could undo that sort of misinformation.

I guess the point I’m trying to make with this post is just how necessary it is for ramcoa groups to try and decide and figure out other people’s programs. It’s really cyclical, the need to drag as many people into this misinformation as possible.

Apparently O stole their ramcoa trauma from an ex, but I found out I truly don’t know either of them enough to trust anything they say.

For a very short time I even wanted to malinger programming symptoms so I’d be more respected by groups I cared about, since they only paid attention to those suffering “the most.” I already had a diagnosis and a treatment plan, and had I decided to do that, I’d have gone back on all my progress.

Thanks for listening. You have a great page and I’m sorry that people don’t understand that.

I'm so sorry you went through that anon. :[ Your trauma was not "just" conditioning. There is no "just" in trauma. Trauma is trauma no matter what, there is no need for competition and what O said to you is incredibly invalidating. That group should not have tried telling you doctors were giving you DID as a baby either or picking through your trauma like it's a game. I'm glad you recognized the things they were saying were very.. out there in the end. I hope you're not surrounded by these people anymore and if you are then I hope you can separate yourself soon as it sounds like a very unhealthy situation.

Thank you for sharing your story and the support. <3 Things like this are common in certain branches of the DID community unfortunately.

[sunshowerr]

Catra + Shadow weaver P1

About villainism for dummies

Catra

is for a majority of the show the antagonist. However she doesn't start off as one, her descend into villainy is gradual. The show rather treats her as a deuteragonist.and that's interesting about this character there's a gray area to her. But because she's such a very complex character people will write off as inherently evil when the narrative doesn't treat her that but it doesn't absolve her of anything either. Catra in her descend starts off very young she's said to be around seventeen, eighteen in season 1 At the end of the show she's still a very young adolescent.

Shadow weaver is an antagonist along side (Catra, H*rdak)

Even during her days as a teacher in Mystacor. She displayed manipulative behavior over and over on Micah. The spell of obtaintment curses her but grants her a new power, the power of shadows. Which allows her to sap magic from all over the world would explain why she was able to gain power of the black garnet and drain Glimmer. She retains most of her personality as shown when she recognizes and spares Micah. Shadow weaver is the Horde's second in command she takes Adora in as a baby and takes Catra in as a child . Troughout the show we see the unfair treatment she puts them trough.Shadow weaver abuses Adora and Catra. And is responsible for their trauma. Note that the writers didn't write the episode light spinner as some kind of backstory to sympathize with ,it's to show that she has always been the same.

Shadow weaver pits Adora and Catra against themselves troughout their entire lives. Which not even the show is subtle about.

S1- Shadows of Mystacor.

Shadow spy impersonating Catra: What do you think, shadow weaver controls us both. She always has

Really puts the emphasis on how strong Shadow weaver's grip is over these two girls. Even Glimmer and Bow come to learn this and witness Adora's meltdown "seems like this shadow weaver person did a number on you"

Adora after defeating Shadow Blight G-I mean shadow weaver: "This is what Shadow weaver does, she manipulates people, she pushes them apart"

S3

Angella : No, you've put this girl trough enough already

Told from the good guy's perspective. The narrative is meant to tell you Adora good! Shadow weaver bad. And the narrative treats Catra with this same courtesy .So why don't we apply this to her? , the same victim of abuse sharing that same abuser for her whole life. Because Catra is a bad guy on paper and isn't a meak victim ? Therefore she isn't deserving of the same sympathy? Which is even more weird to me since Catra's abuse is shown trough text more often than Adora's I'm not comparing their abuse, Adora had it just as bad. but one thing is Adora leaves, gets a good support system while Catra remains behind in a toxic environment with Shadow weaver and we get to spend more time between those two. We see the hold shadow weaver has over Catra . i want to talk about the body languages in these interactions between them Catra's stiff shoulders, self hugging .When Shadow weaver asks her to come closer she scoots over with dread . Catra decides to show some vulnerability and it's exploited she helps shadow weaver and is deceived by her. i find it funny to say that Catra dubs Adora as naive,easy to manipulate when she perfectly plays into the hands of her abuser .

Catra isn't entirely selfish as people make her out to be, she is also loyal .

When Adora defects she's send to retrieve her back, to which Catra refuses. It isn't until Shadow weaver threatens her and paralyzes her that she complies. Catra after Adora's defection even considered her to be right in leaving and thought of doing the same, (she wasn't exactly safe in the Horde and was left alone with her abuser and without Adora there's not much for her.) Catra : Adora is gone, she defected, and I'm starting to think she had the right idea. Before she was presented with an opportunity, a sliver of recognition that got her reeled back in for validation. Which ended up with H*rdak pitting Catra against Adora. And even after Adora's defection Catra still got her back in the shadows.She refuses to give away her whereabouts her identity as She-Ra, refusing to sell her Ex-Bestfriend out despite being deeply hurt.

Shadow weaver: You are going to bring her back

Catra: I don't think so

Shadow weaver: For the last time ,where is Adora ?

Catra: For the last time i don't know

Shadow weaver : pathetic you're still trying to protect her.

Which then follows by a Catra, reluctantly going to seaworthy to bring her back. Under the command of Shadow weaver.

She even does this with Shadow weaver Catra doesn't owe her a single thing. Yet she still shows concern over her even when Shadow weaver was about to mentally screw her before she hunches over in pain. She tries to bargain with Hordak so she can stay longer before being transported she is empathetic of Shadow weaver and returns her old sorcerers badge only for that kindness to be exploited.

When Scorpia tries to bust her out of the cell she lashes out at her In a very Catra manner . But she does it for Scorpia's own sake, as she doesn't want to drag her into her own mess.

Motives and motivation

We all know Shadow weaver goes where Power is. Back in her days as light spinner she was a manipulative woman and knew exactly how to get around the gifted Micah and get him to perform the spell of obtaintment with her while framing it as a good cause. But the head master/sorcerer Norwyn stops her and outright says that's she's always been after power. This proves that even before light spinner becomes shadow weaver that she's always been power hungry. She kills? absorbs him with her new found power and it's like all her morals are off the table. With Micah as exception since some part did care for him. It's funny how it's followed with her swiftly taking out a horde soldier.

Catra is layered she has various motivations for her actions and often vocalizes these. We can tell her prime motives are survival, validation and a need to prove her self-worth.

Before she orcestates Princess prom she states that if she doesn't capture Adora shadow weaver will demote her. And if H*rdak finds about Shadow weaver disobeying him he will get rid of them both. .Her safety becomes endangered this way and this leads to her possibly endangering others for self preservation ,this is entirely selfish but motivated trough ensuring that safety. Not malice. "I'm after something bigger and no one will stop me" a.k.a ensure her spot as the new shadow weaver and get free of her clutches and abuse.

In Promise Light hope in order for Adora to "let go" and become a She-Ra free of attachments. She throws the two girls into simulations based of their memories and Catra gets reminded of her cause before she betrays Adora. She sees her younger self crying under a blanket, the child looks up to her and her gaze stays on the child her face hardens with a new resolve.As she stands over the cliff the tides have turned from this point on they're enemies and Catra is no longer acting out as one. Before that she did have moments of good as well she and Adora remain mostly civil. Catra doesn't attack her, she even catches her falling from the cliff and brushes her tail over her hand and the two share playful silly banter momentarily.

Moment of truth

It's a controversial thought maybe but I don't blame Catra fully for the portal activation actually ,from hindsight she definitely is complicit for Angella. Blaming her for something she was driven into a corner for doesn't feel ethical to me personally. Not with the way that whole scene was presented. And let me remind you what set of the chains of events

Who was it that deceived her by taking advantage of her vulnerability and desperate need for validation, which ended up with her being choked, publicly humiliated, before being send off to a mission which her survival wasn't guaranteed off and then who's name set her over the edge sending her into a panic attack leaving her with tunnel vision. She couldn't hear the cacophony of cheers or even hear Scorpia anymore. Shadow weaver according to her from what Adora tells her, has joined the good guys, she thinks their abuser joined the good guys. those same people infiltrate what she knows as her only home, tortures her with magic to the point I mask my emotions Catra breaks down crying in front of her enemies, and these particular lines always get me "So what? You're on the side of good now? You made me this way and you get to be the good guy? " Catra being rightfully angry spits back with just as much venom ofcourse which follows with anguish screams of her being tormented. It's so extremely hypocritical after the things she's done, ruining Adora and her, messing them up ? She out of all people has the audacity to mockingly ask Catra to join them?

Also what would've happened if Bow didn't step in and stop her. For taking too much instead of saying "That's taking it too far" Shadow weaver part of good guys now could've simply knocked her out but seemed to be taking her sweet time in hurting Catra as she stated before "Don't make me destroy you too" (she nearly drains Glimmer ,using up so much limited power just to hurt her or worse).The person who said this didn't care what would've overcome Catra after she escaped and left her for the wolves. The narrative stays sympathetic over Catra during these scenes it's clear who holds the power here and who's the victim, the victim in question an 18 years teenager, being abused by her abuser. who sides with the good guys that allow it to happen.

I think that's also, why she becomes so obsessed in beating the rebellion with no regard of her own health . While she experiences terrible guilt over pulling the switch. Because that's where she and shadow weaver again differentiate . Catra after zapping Entrapta looks at shock at her own hand, at what she did, Entrapta's face haunts her dreams,the mention of her name or the portal triggers her, because unlike Shadow weaver Catra shows remorse, and feels guilt over her actions. she does feel safe on the top with all the authority and power that comes with it.

But it doesn't bring her happiness because Catra did all of that in order for survival at first, to prove her worth, to prove someone else's narrative wrong the narrative bestowed on her by shadow weaver.She's reactive as ND describes but doesn't stop her to think about what she really wants.Just like with Adora it tells me she has a destiny complex just as much. Catra is instilled with the idea of being interior being told her entire life she won't amount to anything, due to the abuse, which is realistic.children that have trauma tend to feel this way,it leaves you with an inferiority complex. She fights these idea's imposed to her by shadow weaver who's called her an nuisance, insolent, worthless creature, who controlled and made her feel weak for her entire life .And the one enforcing this idea is to which not her fault is Adora. Adora is related to her trauma, she was the one she was pitted against since they were kids, which created this power Imbalance between and after gaining the power of She-Ra that gap of the power Imbalance gets bigger which is why she's someone that she needs to beat, to win against, her entire worth had been defined around her, by Shadow weaver , Catra fights to prove her independence , to prove herself . But this takes the blame off of the actual puppeteer who was responsible for this unhealthy dynamic .This is also why Adora calling finally Shadow weaver out in fail-safe was so cathartic "You ruin people, you take any chance they could ever be be happy" Adora seeing her best friend's, Glimmer's change under Shadow weaver's bad influence. Hears from Scorpia how Catra's been acting the way she has and finds out it's related to shadow weaver and seeing again how the sorceress causes a rift between them. She knows exactly who to turn against and she doesn't hold back.

Double trouble

The actor themselves completely exposes Catra and calls her out on her villainy act.

"You try so hard playing the big bad villain, but your heart's been never in it has it?" Catra's initial reaction to the horde squadrons being obliterated by the rebellion isn't her being upset by the loss she suffered but by the realization that she had been betrayed by whom she thought to be a friend, we've already seen that conquering Salineas didn't make her happy. Her being in the operation room and watching the horde gaining territory over over didn't make her happy, DT transforms into all of these people that hurt her then into the people she has hurt. "people have hurt you? Haven't they" "they didn't believe in you, didn't trust you"

"didn't need you, left you" "you drive them away wild cat"

Trough Scorpia leaving she could slowly come to terms that this time maybe she had been the problem she can't blame anyone but herself for Scorpia's defection. And so she learns about accountability for her own actions. And DT makes sure she gets the message.

It's for your own good darling, we both know this was never what you really wanted

Melog

Melog is a creature that comes from Abuse like Catra and Adora. Prime invaded their planet leaving them as the sole survivor .They hadn't known Catra's past or force captain Catra, commander Catra, but still trusted her enough to form a connection with her Catra connecting with them trough the compassion she showed them was very significant.

[hyenaswine]

sorry this is just me rambling about veterinary stuff & i don't remember how to do a read more or if tumblr even has that function. it's nothing major or terrible

so bubo's got a lot going on right now. he spent a couple nights in the hospital last month with bronchitis/asthma (main symptom was abdominal breathing; cats should not be breathing so hard that they have to use their abs to move air in & out of their lungs). while he was there they also diagnosed him with hyperthyroidism & lymphocytosis based on blood work. this is on top of his prior history of head trauma, neurological damage, feline viral rhinotracheitis, eosinophilic granuloma complex, food allergies that cause his skin to get red & angry & start sloughing off if he eats [checks notes] MEAT. ANY KIND OF MEAT. WHAT KIND OF GOD MAKES AN OBLIGATE CARNIVORE THAT'S ALLERGIC TO MEAT?

oh & he also barfs when he purrs too much.

ANYWAY. his breathing is better now but he still clearly has a secondary infection because he has yellow-green nasal discharge that isn't improving with his current antibiotic. he's on methimazole for his thyroid & there's not really a way to tell if that's working without blood work, so we'll do that in 2 weeks. i was supposed to taper him down on prednisolone to only every other day, but now it looks like his skin might be going bad again & that's so hard to control once it starts, so i'm still giving the pred daily (eosinophilic granuloma complex is an autoimmune disease that attacks the skin & pred is an immune suppressant).

i thought i was going crazy cuz to me it looks like the left side of his face - specifically his ear, that bald spot cats have in front of their ear, & his lips - gets kind of red & puffy in the nighttime, but ONLY the left side, & ONLY at night. his left eye also waters. he also has a weird little sore in the crook of his left arm (i mean... left front leg. on the cranial aspect of the left front leg just distal to the elbow, ok? if you wanna get technical).

i took the above photos to show his vet at his next appointment; he's clearly got a fat lippy & he's started developing comedones (cat acne) on his chin. he also just seems dumpy! he's a cat so it's hard to tell but he seems to be sleeping more than usual & is just quiet & not himself. at the appointment with his regular vet i feel like she just kind of brushed off the lymphocytosis, but since that was confirmed by a pathologist & can be a sign of lymphoma or non-viral leukemia, i'm worried about it. the answer is probably that he needs to start seeing an internal medicine specialist again, cuz i'm getting really sick of being passed around the office & subjected to these guessing games. i know that's how veterinary diagnostics work but... i'm just frustrated. they don't follow up or follow through. i was technically supposed to already have a referral to an internist. he was supposed to have an ultrasound like 6 months ago. plus they told me that nobody in town does radioactive iodine treatment for hyperthyroid cats & that's not true.

idk. i'm just writing. i like to talk about veterinary details cuz i guess it helps me feel more in control. i've been working on this cat's cascade of problems for 11 years. god doesn't want this cat to be, but i know better than god. also the vet said "he could have a few more years left" & that really bothered me because he's ONLY 12. i know he's been through a lot but he's gonna live to be 20 at least. all my cats live forever. don't make me think about my cat's mortality when my dog just died last year.

[magicrainbowkitties]

So (not-so) quick thing... Scarecrow.

Obviously, Crane developed his fear toxin as a way to study fear and its effects on the psyche. He can do this because he's both a master biochemist and an accomplished psychiatrist. In most canons, he's obsessed with using fear to control people, and takes sadistic pleasure in watching people loose their minds while high on his drug.

HOWEVER.

I find this motivation boring as sin. Wow, you use fear to make people do what you want? And you don't even get cool superpowers and a shiny ring (except when he did but that's for another day), you're just some mad scientist with a hard-on for watching people be miserable? Damn, bro, where I seen that before...

*side-eyeing 80% of DC villains, who are mad scientists with a hard-on for watching people be miserable*

Not to say that I find Crane uninteresting, far from it! As with all the Gotham Rogues, he's absolutely committed to The Aesthetic. His motto is clearly "Every day is Halloween," and I completely agree. He's got a relatable backstory (for me at least, whaddup fellow burnout gifted kids with religious trauma?), and uses his villainy as an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with his trauma (which is the one part of his motivation that is actually interesting to me). Also, I love that while he's extremely academically talented, he relies on his social intelligence far more to carry out his agenda, even though he's very much on the "I hate people please go away" side of things. It's terribly interesting to me when these aspects of his personality work into each other and create a relatable yet threatening villain.

But far too often, he's just written as a one-note sadist whose only job is to go "HAHA DANCE FOR ME PLEBES FOR I AM THE MASTER OF FEAR" while Batman swoops in, beats him up, and saves the day.

Or, even worse, he's given the Modern Riddler treatment of "Lol look at this nerd. He wants to fight the Bat but can't even throw a punch! He's gotta hide behind his gas to win, but Batman's a badass so he can just magically get over it and knock him on his ass cause in reality, he's the one who's scared."

That stuff's just bullshit, y'know? Sure, I'm all for villains pathetically cowering for their lives and all, that's some gud shit, but there comes a point where it's EVERY SINGLE STORY Crane's written in. He has so much potential to be fun, relatable, philosophical and interesting, but in order to do that, writers would have to actually think more about WHY he does what he does, outside of research and sadism. Oh, and they'd have to take their focus off the Clown Prince of Cash and admit that he stole a bunch of Crane's shtick.

Hell, you could even give him a "paved with good intentions" type motivation. Like, maybe he developed fear toxin as a kind of exposure therapy to help people overcome their trauma by experiencing it passively, but because Gotham Sux (TM), he couldn't get the funding and/or the approval from official channels for it because "hallucinogens bad" (reflecting real-world psychiactrics discourse today, as hallucinogens have been proven to help those with anxiety, PTSD, depression, and other related illnesses, but because War On Drugs, most people think all of 'em are dangerous and deadly). So, he turned to crime, using the toxin itself to get what he needs to continue his work. But that's a slippery slope, and before he knows it he's cast as a villain and thrown into Arkham with all the people he was trying to help, forever branded a scary freak the world would be better off without.

All because he tried to help.

Sure, it's cliche as sin, and I'm sure I could find hundreds of fan works describing this exact scenario, but for real... Isn't that way more interesting than "lol he's just a sadist with a god complex?" I like to think so, at least.

Idk man I just really hate it when a side character's potential is absolutely smothered in favor of the main character's, especially in the case of Batman. Like, the most interesting thing about Batman is the villains he fights, and half the time the interesting parts of those villains are funneled into Big Clown. The other half, they're sacrificed altogether because gods forbid Batman be vulnerable or admit that his villains might actually... *gasp*... have a point.

To see the amazing potential of a character like Jonathan Crane be absolutely tossed aside makes my blood boil.

Truly, we live in the darkest timeline.

[neochatarra]

8 Untold Signs Of Narcissist People

Sometimes the signs of narcissism aren't so obvious and narcissists fly under our radar. Not every narcissist may be a puffed-up addict or a Mean Girl like Regina George. If they were, we could see the signs from a mile away and steer clear. No, many narcissists are sensitive, thoughtful, and generous – until the charade wears off, of course.

That's why it's so important to know the subtle signs of narcissism that you simply won't notice until it's too late and they've sucked you into their region.

What's the Difference Between an Overt and Covert Narcissist?

Many people tend to consider narcissists as having extroverted personalities. They're flamboyant and demand to be the middle of attention – how are you able to miss them?

The truth is, introverts also can be narcissists. These are those who fool us into their web of manipulation.

"They're not self-absorbed – they're just sensitive!"

"They're not a nasty friend – they're just misunderstood!"

After forming a relationship with a covert narcissist, you realize that this sensitivity and isolation were, in fact, signs of narcissism. Since the signs weren't so obvious, however, you completely misjudged things.

8 Signs of Narcissism You Can't-Miss

Since the covert narcissist is best at hiding their abusive behavior, it's important to know the subtle cues that give them away.

1. They'll Never Utter the Phrase "I Don't Know"

I once knew a narcissist who was so averse to the present phrase that he would rather give someone dangerously incorrect answers than admit to not knowing something. He was confident in his woefully wrong answers, too.

Why do this?

Answering an issue with "I don't know" deprives the narcissist of important attention. The person seeking a solution will simply advance to somebody else who might help them. That's an enormous ego hit.

That's why you'll often find narcissists rambling on about topics they need no business speaking on.

2. They Are A Nasty Friend

The narcissist is usually a nasty friend but you'll typically find them playing the victim. confirm to urge all sides of the story if you're unsure.

What are some red flag signs of narcissism that indicate the suspect may be a narcissist?

• They get irritated when their friends invite help or advice.

• They don't bother to call or text their friends on birthdays or holidays.

• They don't return borrowed items. (A sign of entitlement.)

• They owe their friends money. they'll downplay this as "not an enormous deal."

• They embarrass their friends ahead of others.

• They hunt down or entertain their friends' partners or love interests.

They also treat waitstaff or service workers poorly. This is a dead giveaway. run the hills. Anyone who disrespects waitstaff or service workers views people as "beneath" them. Soon, you'll be a part of the inferiors also.

3. They Need To Insert Themselves Into Every Story

A covert narcissist might not demand everyone's attention. They will, however, still find how to form everything about them. an outsized part of this strategy involves inserting themselves into every story.

Is a coworker talking about their experience with homelessness? The narcissist, too, features a story about being poor.

Is a lover talking about his amazing trip to Vietnam? The narcissist also had a friend who visited Vietnam. And guess what? She heard it wasn't so great.

No matter the subject, the narcissist features a remarkable skill for turning the eye their way – regardless of how innocuous it'd seem.

4. They're Sensitive

At first, you'll appreciate their ability to freely express emotions. this is often an excellent tactic narcissists use to lure empathetic people into their trap.

Maybe a fast-food worker got their order wrong and therefore the narcissist hasn't shut up about it all day. Maybe their boss asked them to prevent playing on their phone such a lot and now the narcissist is crying about it over dinner.

As time goes on, you'll realize that the narcissist isn't vulnerable and sensitive: their fragile ego can't handle honest mistakes and valid criticism. To the narcissist, these are personal attacks.

5. They Form Relationships Based On What Someone Can "Do for Them"

If you're at a celebration and therefore the suspected narcissist suggests you ask someone because they will help together with your career or financial situation, don't ignore it. They aren't trying to assist you: they're letting you in on their game.

Narcissists tend to make shallow friendships that supported what people can do for them. You'll often find narcissists make friends with horribly toxic people simply because these folks have money, own bars, or offers career opportunities.

6. Their Stories Don't Match Reality

Both the overt and covert narcissist has an inflated sense of self. The thing is, they believe their lies. As a result, you'll often find they recall stories much differently than the situations played out.

If you notice that the suspect constantly reframes stories to form themselves the hero or victim, retreat fast – this is often one among the various signs of narcissism. By changing the story to suit their narrative, the narcissist is gaslighting everyone else involved.

It's not cute or funny to constantly need to correct them. Sooner or later, they'll start gaslighting you, too.

7. They Observe and Judge

"There's no way she will be a narcissist. When we're out with friends, she barely says ten words!"

I hear it all the time. By sitting back and observing everyone, however, the covert narcissist is silently taking notes and judging. I'm sure you heard all about her observations on the car ride home.

The narcissist must feel superior to everyone around them. this is often easy to try to do once you don't open your mouth to interact in conversation and instead sit back to require notes about everyone's shortcomings.

8. They Only Hear Bits and Pieces of Your Stories

Does it desire the suspected narcissist just isn't. listening? They're probably not. And if they're, they don't care.

Maybe you spent ten minutes venting to your mother about how you didn't get that promotion at work because you showed up late one solitary time with a legitimate reason. How did she respond? "Well, maybe you'll remember to point out up on time from now on."

You can't be the victim. Only the narcissist is often the victim.

You see this ton with narcissist parents or partners who listen only enough to toss stuff back in your face later.

How to Turn the Tables on a Narcissist?

Perhaps you've gone on a couple of dates with someone or a replacement coworker joined your team. you think they'll be a narcissist but you aren't entirely sure.

After all, the covert narcissist is especially cunning at hiding the more obvious signs of narcissism. Here's the way to turn the tables on a narcissist and obtain them to show themselves.

• Play along. Don't give the suspected narcissist room to regulate their manipulation tactics – play stupid and pretend you completely believe them. Use this chance to document their behavior.

• Remain indifferent. If you want to continue handling an overt or covert narcissist for reasons out of your control, act indifferent to their behavior. The narcissist wants to use your emotions against you. If you don't give them anything to figure with, they'll seek their fix elsewhere.

• Find Support: this might only include one or two people you trust. open up to someone who will validate and believe you.

At the top of the day, the sole thanks to truly turn the tables on a narcissist are to chop them off completely. If that they had any real intentions of adjusting, they might have done so already.

The narcissist won't suddenly see things your way. If they ever do, it's – a) for a fleeting moment and b) to use against you later. Don't believe the conflicting information you would possibly see from other websites or therapists – the narcissist will never change.

With a mental disease, a chemical imbalance within the brain may cause different disturbances that manifest as depression, anxiety, and lots of others. Although complex, mental illnesses tend to reply well to medication because it targets the physical root of the problem: like a chemical imbalance. Though it's been determined that a lot of mental illnesses like depression and anxiety are frequently caused by unresolved emotional trauma, often dating as far back as childhood.

Personality disorders occur due to a repetitive stimuli-reward environment. At some point in their life, the narcissist realized they might elicit specific reactions and emotions from people – and it felt good and helped them achieve their self-fulfilling agendas.

Anything but cutting them out of your life will offer you a mental and emotional breakdown.

No Contact is that the Only Way to Packing Up A Narcissist

Many narcissists have always been this manner – whilst far back as their teenage or childhood years. If you're handling a narcissist, you can't and will not expect them to vary their behavior now or ever.

Treatment for personality disorders often involves things like cognitive behavioral therapy. In many cases, a narcissist can also suffer from other mental illnesses like depression or substance use disorder. (You've probably heard extensively about these problems, too, when the narcissist needs your sympathy or someone responsible .)

ىDespite this, there's little evidence to suggest therapy works for narcissists as personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. the primary step to getting assistance is to admit a drag exists – the narcissist will never believe they need or are a drag.

No Contact is that the only option.

Trust in yourself and your network. Because once you get to the opposite side and stick with No Contact, you'll be amazed by all the amazing belongings you can accomplish.

[bi-lullaby]

I loved your last rankings so much that I'm sending you another fun (?!) challenge! How would you rate all these male GA characters from your favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed? :) Alex, Derek, Richard, Mark, Owen, Jackson, Burke, George, Andrew, Linc and Ben? Good luck, and as always, feel free to include your reasons why because I love your answers!

Ohhh boy you give me life with those asks! Here we go:

1 - As no surprise to anyone: Alex. My baby had the best character development I’ve ever seen, really, brcaus ewhile it was huge, it was also paced and believable and stabilished and non-linear. He was a huge asshole with a concealed heart of gold in season one. In season 15, he’s a golden boy with a concealed asshole side, and the growth/diminishment of those sides weren’t always inversely proportionate, but adjusted to what each characteristic was brought out more by his surroundings/worked more on by himself. Also, he’s the person that has stuck with mer for the longest and through the most, which would put him in a high place in this list even if he wasn’t my favorite on his own. I also adore how, thematically, he’s so moved by the women in his life (bot just the romantic i terests while we are at it) for the betterment of himself and hsi ways. It’s not like Owen’s “I’ll need her to take care of me emptionally and shape herself to my desires so I can be in a good place, it’s recognizing those positive influences in his life and trying to emulate them/work with them/learn from them. Also about his theme, itms less the worn-out “guy is validated in being an asshole bc he had a tough life” and more “guy learns that his tough life doesn’t mean he gotta act like an asshole”. I love this character so much, ugh.

2 - Ben. A freaking Disney prince would be a sleeazy douche in comparison. I was so weirded out when Shobda decided to give so much focus to this random-ass character, then I was really turned off by his storyline with the cutting people open and all that (not necessarily because I thought he was wrong, I just felt the storyline was handled awkwardly and made him sound pelutant and irresponsible instead of a promissing, if stubborn, future surgeon. I’ve yet to watch Station 19, but this angel with a scalpel and a fire hose for wings deserves his own goddamn spin-off, for sure.

3 - My baby Andrew. Yeah, he is not that developed, has been inconsistent, his change from “freaking out over Maggie being his boss” to “marvellung at Meredith’s every movie even though she’s kinda even more his boss because she owns the hospital” was... A B R U P T. But I really enjoy this new Andrew - as a side note: I could not care less for him during the whole Sam storyline, he seemed like a toned down Jonhy Bravo - He’s smart and sweet and funny and worships Mer like the Wonder Woman she is. His relationships with Arizona, Amelia, Jo, Carina and now Alex need more screentime because they’re great (or have the potential to be so). He’s competent and brilliant and selfless (dropping the charges on Alex even if he was completely in the right, taking the blame for mer now) and so tender (his absolute gentleness in peds, taking care of Amy after the operation, being a moody, emotive boy because he lost his love instead of a macho men...). The future holds great things for him, and I’m excited to watch them unfold!

4 - Not on your list but I love: Tom. Boy is he nice. As I was figuring out this order, I realized he reminds me a lot of my favorite character (Dean Winchester) - or at least what I think Dean would be if he was older, richer and lived without the Supernatural World and so many traumas. His talk to April was so moving and I felt it really helped. He doesn’t stand on a moral high horse: He does what he thinks is right and damned be judgment. He’s empathetic, he’s romantic, he treats Teddy RIGHT. He deserves to have his own storyline and be more developed and show us kore of his awesomeness.

5 - Jackson. As I said in my ships rating answer, I’ve only started to care for him recently, but I really do care. He’s not a character I’d, like, write fic about, or long rants and meta, but I love his sibling-esque relationship with Mer and his relationship with Maggie and the way he connects with his mom and how this spoiled, immature transfer with something to prove became a respected, innovative surgeon and father who’s secure of himself and ready to explore different paths and ways and worldviews. I just wish him, and the Grey’s fandom, would be less defensive about the callout of his privileged life. Like. I’ve seen people write paragraphs upon paragraphs about how Maggie was a bitch for calling him privileged. And he is (for his hoards upon hoards of money growing up). That’s not too hard a concept to grasp. Plus, it’d be nice if he could treat Maggie as less of a consolation prize/second chance. Just because faith (or lack thereof) was a source of tension in his previous marriage, and he feels like changing that would have made everything better, doesn’t mean the same applies to his current relationship, or that Maggie is the one who should change -he learned, learned, and is back in square one seeing only his side of it - I really hope this season treats him more kindly and gives him happiness and peace!

6 - Richard. I love him for his parental-and-ish relationships, specially to Maggie, Mer and Jackson, but to Bailey and Callie too. That’s my favorite aspect of him, watching those gives me a nice, warm feeling in my tummy and puts a smile on my face. There’s some aspects of him I find either boring or unpleasant, and I think it’s kinda annoying how him retiring has been a theme/conflict since, like, season one, and fast-foward ten years and he’s basically an entity at the hospital. Like? What? Was the point? You’ve waisted my time? For nothing? But he’s a solid, reliable character you can’t really hate and who brings more good than bad to the show by far. As a side note: one day I will yell at him for his treatment of Maggie after she talked about HER OWN HISTORY and he basically called her a mistake (although he apologized pretty soon and she forgave him so so will I).

7 - Mark. He was great and all that, but never sparked that love some characters did. I was sad when he died, I loved his scenes and relationships, I just am not invested in him. Plus the immaturity in his relationship with Lexie pisses me off a bit, as does his “man whore” personality.

8 - Link. Genuinely love him, he’s been nothing but sweet and kind and fun and helpful this entire time! I cheered for Merlink sooooo much imat first, and I really wish their friendship will be developed! Him and Jo are everything I never knew I needed. He has no arguable flaws besides being so sculped it freaks me out a little bit, but he isn’t higher up in my rank because there isn’t much material for that yet, but expect a climb as he becomes more and more regular.

9 - Burke. He was kinda sweet and did a good thing for Cristina (the hospital). He was also manipulative and arrogant and voundary-crossing in their relationship. I might like him better if it was bot for Burktina, but we will never know.

10 - Owen. Toxic as fuck, annoying, controlling, disgusting. Those are all things that very much apply to Owen in a lot of situations. Screaming at Cristina for “murdering their baby”? YIKES. Big no no. He was not suited for romantic relationships at all and I wish the show would realize that and allow him that space and breathing time without being stuck in a complicated relationship with loads of baggage or a love triangle. Because that’s my whole thing about him: I believe he has room for growth. His relationship with April is pretty amazing, he was always so considerate and gentle with her, all the time, and I want to see more of that bond. He loves kids and can be really good with them, he has a lot of things to work out with the traumas of his father’s death + war + his sister’s story. Why not focus on that? Why not show him growing and processing and bettering himself and living up to the potential he has? I feel like they gave the all the wrong romantic storylines to the character who’s otherwise really good and that’s such a shame because I really enjoyed him at first. Lets see what happens from now on, and if he gets a dose of tv’s “heterosexual love and a nuclear biological family solve everything!” medicine or if this is a turning point for him.

11 - Derek. He never really had any appeal to me. Not his face, not his personality, not his storylines or plot points pr the actor. That’s reason enough for him to rank low, but I also think he had some really bad traits. He was arrogant and condescending and had a God complex and was sexist and pushy and just not great for the people around him. Exploiting Amy’s addiction being outed to steal surgeries? Refusing to give Mer credit on their clinic trial? Putting ultimatums on his girlfriend that she either has to be ready for a full, committed relationship or end things, then call her a slut when she sleeps with other guys after they broke up? Cheating on Addison after deciding to work things out? Stringing mer and addie along? Not saying he was married in the first place? Pushing Mer’s boundaries after she was clearly uncomfortable with having slept with her boss? Refusing to have an inch of empathy for Mer’s action regarding the trial despite her complicated history with the people she was trying to help (who were her friends, actually?)? Telling his depressed girlfriend that she should be concerned the happiest part of his day was flirting with another girl from the bar? Ratting out on Richard to the board because he wanted the spot? Not acknowledging Mer’s trauma after the shooting? Kissing nurse Rose while building the dream house? Kissing his student while being married in NY? Pushing his wife to move and saying his career was more important than his after he had compromised on letting her shine? All things that, isolated, can even be understood on context and “everyone makes mistakes”, but that when put together, make it pretty clear it’s a pattern of someone with very little regard to the people around him. Was he a good surgeon? Yeah. Great father as well. He also had some interesting relationships and iconic scenes, truly, I can recognize that. I hurt for the people he loved and left behind (and I genuinely think he loved them and meant well), but he himself I don’t miss at all.

12 - I think George is the clearest contrast between how old greys handled matters of sexism and gender and sexuality and how it does now. He was such a sleazy nice guy at times, it is unbearable to me. And he ranks lower than Derek because A) His relationships also bored me while Derek’s could pique my interest at times, B) There’s no talk about his mistakes. Remember when he (in his own words) took advantage of Meredith being on a terrible, delicate, vulnerable place (still hiding her mother’s Alzheimer’s and seeing a person be blown to pieces and being dumped by who she thought was the one and being rejected by her father for the second time after seeing him for the first time in tweenty years) and, knowing that she was not interested in him, pursued her, then after she started crying because of the literal pile of shit she was having to carry around (and still trying to preserve his feelings), got mad at her and everyone sided with him? It baffled younger me to bits that what Mer had “done” was so terrible, it has not stoped bafflinn me in the years that have passed since. Can you imagine any of the girls crying during sex because they’re so overwhelmed and feel like that’s a mistake, and the guy freaks out on them and they’re instantly ostracized by the narrative and characters? That’s essentially criticizing her for the right of saying no, of stopping when she doesn’t want to continue, of not giving away her time and feels just because a goofy guy who is her friend feels entitled to them. That’s the word: entitled. He literally says he “saw her first”. How’s that not Nice Guy 101? I would understand his ego being bruised, but the guilt tripping and the bitching and the fact none of that is treated as a fucking creepy thing? Yikes. Also how he treated Callie, who deserved so, so much better. And even Olivia who was perfectly lovely and did nothing wrong besides having sex with more than one guy without breaking either of their trusts because she wasn’t in a relationship with any of them. Did he do some good things? Sure did! Joey’s surgery costs being cut, helping Bailey give birth, some of his interactions with patients were really sweet, and he died giving his life for someone else. It’s just that consequence-less sexism and entitlement that never gets adressed and gets treated as not only valid, but right, that makes him go rom unappealing to downright hated for me. Better left in the past where people can misplacedly idolize him!

Thank you so much for asking, I love those thought-inspiring asks! <3