#shy fucking VENTS

[prettyflyshyguy]

Over the next few days as I try to enjoy myself as much as possible, and rid myself of the anguish and horror of my twenties via hard-partying (going to the zoo, making my direct family experience an escape room with me, drinking as many milkshakes as I can physically cope with) - I feel its worth reflecting on some things from the last decade.

-I really didn't know what I was doing when I existed uni, and I still don't know what I'm doing HOWEVER -- I have a much clearer idea of what I'm good at, and what makes me happy.

-I've won multiple awards for miniature painting. Coming from a kid who dreamed of one day owning a cool skink army (and I do but its mostly not assembled BUT DON'T WORRY AB--) that's pretty fucking sick.

-I've tabled at multiple big conventions, and I'll be tabling at an event next year that I've dreamed of tabling at since I was 14. And. AND. Each one was actually profitable.

-My art journey has taken a while, but each year I get better and do more things and although I'm not where I want to be, I've made things with value and meaning and I'll only keep improving if I put the time in. I've done things I could only once dream of doing. I've also hit a point where, things may take a bit, but I genuinely feel like I can tackle almost any subject matter and I'll break through.

-I've met so many incredible people and forged wonderful friendships both online and IRL and I'm thankful for it all. It's hard to know what to do with everyone sometimes when I struggled with friendships for years.

-I was a weirdo baby-alt-fashion 20 year old, had a normie phase somewhere along the way, and now my fashion has returned to where it belongs: straight out of 2010 and I care less and less about what people think and I grow more and more confident in just being myself.

-If I'm being real -- I'm not where I want to be, in a lot of ways. Thing's have been a downward spiral the last few years, but I've been growing in my work and my resilience and by god you cannot kill me in a way that matters.

-My biggest takeaway is really: not everything gets better. But a lot of things do. And you have a lot of power over a lot of things - you just have to be brave and keep kicking. Some things get better, some things get worse, some things stay mostly the same. But you keep growing. You keep changing. You gotta persist. You gotta.

[sunflowermp4]

karma's gotta come for all of us

i just hope she comes for you first

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

this just in: uplifting people just by virtue of their assigned gender at birth in the name of feminism found to be transphobic so now we're just gonna shit on those who CHOOSE to be male presenting bc it's a CHOICE right so we can tell them they're inherently inferior right guys??!!

bioessentialism found to be transphobic so we're jumping straight into gender essentialism which is totally cool as long as it's pretending to be feminism!!!!

[fucknugg3t]

I hate getting shy around people I look up to or care about people always think it’s crush related and it’s not and it makes me fucking angry I’ll explain what I am what I do and don’t feel and they still think there’s some kind of work around some sort of platonic crush or unlabeled crush or sexual crush or whatever the fuck else bro when I say NO CRUSHES I FUCKING MEAN IT

I’m shy because I’m stressed and nervous man

ALSO because I tend to like hug my friends and stuff like that so there’s just so many damn assumptions that get thrown around when you hug (maybe kiss depending on who) someone and then you’re shy around them and I’m just tired man it feels so fucking like violating and gross people telling you you like someone

[fvckednddistvrbed]

i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad

[perseuus]

Man I gotta unlearn the number crunch mentality real soon bc it is NOT good for my mental health lmao

[mythcaels-a]

me @ me: do not think the thoughts of wanting to move blogs again

[kirexa]

There's a lot of things that if you guys knew you would probably yell at me abt

[prettyflyshyguy]

Creative Industry hire me challenge amidst continuous global mass layoffs (IMPOSSIBBLE!!! AGAINST ALL ODDS!!!)

[dootznbootz]

...It's kind of wild when the terf that you got into a fight with and had to write an essay on "Why violence is wrong" back in high school now works at the pharmacy where you get your medication from...

[yeehawbvby]

Why (WHY) do neurotypicals always perceive being quiet, or reserved, or not seeking out other people, or even something as simple as rejecting food or something as an act of snootiness??? Like why do they see it as you thinking you’re better than them rather than just timid or something?? I don’t understand

Like the amount of times I find out people think that I believe I’m “above” them in some way (and therefore they like actually, fully despise me) just because I’m fucking shy and frankly VERY scared of humans is so high!!

It hurts so much because in reality I hate myself and all I want is irl friendship, but I can’t have that because of my limitations and others’ social expectations. The absolute last thing I’d think is that someone is like ~too lowly~ to be part of my life or whatever

It’s so fucking weird and unfair I hate being a human I just wanna be a fucking worm or house cat or something

[cavaliersecondary]

genuinely so fucking tired of the 'conversation' around 'trauma dumping'. none of you know how to use that word AND none of you motherfuckers understand what boundaries are. like yes if theres a pattern of someone or multiple people throwing heavy and triggering shit on you unprompted then theres an issue and they need to redirect their behavior, but so do you!! you need to communicate if you are uncomfortable and/or do not have the capacity to discuss things!!! YOU.

[mascara-777]

School, girls, life.

A cycle everyday, and I don't know how to feel about it. I feel as if I am about to relapse my cutting habit since I slit 3 cuts into my right arm, an arm I didn't usually cut into since my right hand is my dominant one. It occured when i was at school, staring at my best friend put on her make up in class while I listened to music. She's so pretty, with or without makeup as an aid. Every swipe of foundation, every puff of powder, every brush on the eye shadow palette, every smear of lip gloss on her lips was done so prettily. Prettily in a way I could never even think of replicating.

Everytime I put on makeup it's as if I've become another person entirely. I'm not myself. I'm a doll people do not notice as I am swallowed by the crowds of people rushing by like blurs in my memory.

So I went into a toilet stall, sat on the damp floor and did it. Is it bad to say I felt at ease when I felt it.

A girl is a person meant to be beautiful and if not she is nothing but a fuckable doll.

🎀

[kitties]

.

[low-po1y-princess]

[dumb-coward]

Me being dumb thought my parents had all returned home and went back to listening to audio and my mum apparently literally just came home.

its is midnight. how the fuck.

She yelled at me for touching while in the christian family home.

I swear to everyone but god. Wtf. Knock.