#shy fucking VENTS
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
There were a total of 171.5 billion posts on Tumblr in 2019.
Text
Over the next few days as I try to enjoy myself as much as possible, and rid myself of the anguish and horror of my twenties via hard-partying (going to the zoo, making my direct family experience an escape room with me, drinking as many milkshakes as I can physically cope with) - I feel its worth reflecting on some things from the last decade.
-I really didn't know what I was doing when I existed uni, and I still don't know what I'm doing HOWEVER -- I have a much clearer idea of what I'm good at, and what makes me happy.
-I've won multiple awards for miniature painting. Coming from a kid who dreamed of one day owning a cool skink army (and I do but its mostly not assembled BUT DON'T WORRY AB--) that's pretty fucking sick.
-I've tabled at multiple big conventions, and I'll be tabling at an event next year that I've dreamed of tabling at since I was 14. And. AND. Each one was actually profitable.
-My art journey has taken a while, but each year I get better and do more things and although I'm not where I want to be, I've made things with value and meaning and I'll only keep improving if I put the time in. I've done things I could only once dream of doing. I've also hit a point where, things may take a bit, but I genuinely feel like I can tackle almost any subject matter and I'll break through.
-I've met so many incredible people and forged wonderful friendships both online and IRL and I'm thankful for it all. It's hard to know what to do with everyone sometimes when I struggled with friendships for years.
-I was a weirdo baby-alt-fashion 20 year old, had a normie phase somewhere along the way, and now my fashion has returned to where it belongs: straight out of 2010 and I care less and less about what people think and I grow more and more confident in just being myself.
-If I'm being real -- I'm not where I want to be, in a lot of ways. Thing's have been a downward spiral the last few years, but I've been growing in my work and my resilience and by god you cannot kill me in a way that matters.
-My biggest takeaway is really: not everything gets better. But a lot of things do. And you have a lot of power over a lot of things - you just have to be brave and keep kicking. Some things get better, some things get worse, some things stay mostly the same. But you keep growing. You keep changing. You gotta persist. You gotta.
#going to go watch some dumb videos now before I pass out#to the terrified younger me that fumbled around#that took risks#that kept dreaming#look at me now#I'm a fucking mess! Sure.#But I'm still dreaming#and I'm still going.#and I owe it to the girl that moved across the country for the dream#to keep fucking chasing it#it has genuinely just been all fucking downhill since 2022 for real#2022 was the big warning sign#2023 was horrendous#2024 was fucking worse!#I need a year where I catch a fucking break big time#like for the job market to not be ass#or for my art biz to take off#or for me to miraculously receive a large sum of money so I can: buy a shitty ass house in fuck ass nowhere#because at this rate I'll never afford shit in Melbourne#honestly I'll take “increased energy and motivation” levels over the purgatory I've had this spring season#I just need something.#WHO SAID THAT#did you guys hear something#shy talks#not art#shy fucking VENTS
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
karma's gotta come for all of us
i just hope she comes for you first
#the ignacio varga and lalo salamanca thesis. yes i will be taking questions at this time#they make me sick!!!#bcs#nacho varga#ignacio varga#lalo salamanca#better call saul#edit#my edits#te vas a morir. i like it when you're pissed off fucked up in the head it makes me feel a little less crazy. don't think i don't see you.#i see you. i do. everyone is bad. so why are you a pacifist? to sleep. and those who need it. to sleep. i'm living in a horror film.#i'm gonna break you down. slow like mold in the vents in the walls. ignacio varga. eres un chingon. just like a stray animal.#you keep feeding me scraps. nachito come over here eh don't be shy! ignacio it's your call. everyone is a bad guy.#do you want me to take care of it? i'm at the foot of your bed. waiting for you to throw a fist. to sleep. te vas a morir.#they've been making me sick for TWO YEARS.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
this just in: uplifting people just by virtue of their assigned gender at birth in the name of feminism found to be transphobic so now we're just gonna shit on those who CHOOSE to be male presenting bc it's a CHOICE right so we can tell them they're inherently inferior right guys??!!
bioessentialism found to be transphobic so we're jumping straight into gender essentialism which is totally cool as long as it's pretending to be feminism!!!!
#IM SORRY im sorry#i genuinely really enjoyed the trans rep in the first half 9/10#then they just HAD to tue rose being trans into the plot and then do some weird steven moffat ass feminism thing#no he would not have got it if he was still a woman!!#he's the same fucking person she's standing right in front of youuu i want to scream#doctor who spoilers#rtd trued and i massively appreciate him trying and not shying away from rose's identity#but he overshot like massively#and ngl it was really bloody hurtful#mine#sorry this is probably too much im not mad they're uplifting women and very definitively including trans women in that#but they can do it without shitting on other people#negativity#vent tw#doctor who#also is rose meant to be a trans woman or nonbinary transfem?#i mean she can totally be both go girl but there seemed kinda mixed messaging#a lot of girl and woman and then at the end randomly throwing in nonbinary and neither#but again she can totally be both just seemed a bold choice for first trans character to not definitely be one or the other#but go off rose#hnngh im sorry but this just feels like the david not wesring jodies costume thing x1000#one slap in the face after another
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad
#tw s3lf harm#i dont even feel sick from eating too much like usual#its like the feeling of food in my stomach is making my throat feel tight and its activating my gag reflex a bit so i feel like im gonna tu#tw 3d shit#tw 3d vent#3d ana#not exactly pro a*a but not anti either.. :/#i want to post more in this community and get mutuals and get help with navigating this whole thing but im scared cause ive seen#so many people have their whole accounts deleted and i think i would actually kms if that happened since ive had my main for like 8 years#and to be clear im very pro recovery#which i know i know conflicts with the whole wanting mutuals to *help* me with an ed and not help me to *not* have an ed#i think everyone deserves to recover and i hope i do but right now is just not fucking it for me#so for not its a whole lotta#male thinpo#slef harm#right and i definitely cant talk about being b p d uncensored or ill get reported cause the b*d community is super toxic but in the way that#slef harm and scars are chillin but eds are actually a real struggle™️ and you should have it in secret like everyone else#not to generalize all pw b*pd obviously many and probably most arent like this#but tumblr is a very concentrated dose of that kinda person and its sad for us pw b*pd that are both kinds of toxic LMAO#i joke of course#anyway yeah pro recovery for sure but not currently in recovery#ana moots#body chex#someone who could help with that maybe idk im also kinda shy so maybe just someone to help me with restrictions and staying accountable#at least for now#also if you sh all the better cause i will wanna talk about that too#also to clarify my earlier statement 'not pro a*a' means i dont think and 3d is a lifestyle and i recognize that im sick#but 'not exactly anti' means im not going to avoid these communities or report people in them for being pro#because thats about as effective as throwing out an addicts stash or hiding sharp objects from a chronic sh'r- theyll still find a way#and probably way easier and faster than you think and theyll feel even more alienated and less inclined to seek help
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not
#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th#idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self#like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me#but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in#but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them#and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half#if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it#(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting#which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he#and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that#but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels#scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself#which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine#and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it#but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Man I gotta unlearn the number crunch mentality real soon bc it is NOT good for my mental health lmao
#hush Emily#I’m so obsessed with metrics on twitter it’s so unbelievably unhealthy#I really need to fuckin stop asap#there are two wolves inside of me#one who is genuinely happy to be SO inspired by something and I see certain people always supporting my stuff and it brings me so much joy#and one who thinks if I don’t get a like count of a certain threshold that thinks I’m a fucking disaster#RAAAAAAAAH#At the end of the day too I know I just want to share my art and make friends!!!#the friends bit is slow going because I’m so shy and I hate pestering people to talk to me#but I’m getting there#sorry for rambles I needed to vent this morning
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
me @ me: do not think the thoughts of wanting to move blogs again
#⸻ ❛ 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨𝐰 » ooc.#// the tags are just my brain soup you can ignore them#// idk i want to make my blog more private somehow someway. like with people that genuinely do want to interact with my blog yknow.#// NOT SAYING THAT EVERYONE HERE DOESN'T WANT TO. i get that people are shy and stuff because damn same me too yall me too#// but i have a LOT of followers and only have so many blogs that actually reach out for interactions#// and shit i know im slow and maybe that's the issue but#// where am i going with this.#// uhhhh iDK THE VIBES AREN'T VIBING PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS LIKE THIS#// please if you were scared to reach out for interactions. don't be. im literally the stupidest person you'll meet#// hHHHHHH I'LL JUST . DELETE THIS POST IN A BIT#// pls don't take this as me being all vague or venting either im just KSDFHGDJFSD talking#// does anyone get me here or am i just making no fucking sense again
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
There's a lot of things that if you guys knew you would probably yell at me abt
#not in a mental health related way just generally#i sat through one of my finals doing absolutely nothing the whole time because i had no idea what i was supposed to do and was too#embarrassed to ask.. i genuinely listened and really tried to figure out what i was supposed to to but the intructions just made no sense in#my mind. and everyone else just knew what we were supposed to do so i didnt ask and tried to figure it out but there was no online instructi#ons at all#......this was in the class i had a 0 in#i try i just dont understand anything and its rly upsetting#im so worried about how this will effect me in the future.....#im getting taken out of that class thank fuck but. i really am worried.#and to get taken out of that class one of my classes need to be moved and its the only class i share with any of my friends and i dont want#to have no friends in any of my classes#....the problem here probly lies in the fact that i only have 2 people i would really call friends in the same grade and not class structure#ive been trying to make friends since the start of school but im too scared to and everyone already seems to know someone else and i dont#know how to make more friends...#im not shy with absolute strangers rhat i have no intentions to interact with again so why am i so scared to make friends#sorry this got really venty#kirexa vents
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
...It's kind of wild when the terf that you got into a fight with and had to write an essay on "Why violence is wrong" back in high school now works at the pharmacy where you get your medication from...
#I'm sorry for the vent I just am mad that she could be in a PHARMACY. I hope she's at least changed her ways.#she should not be working in health if she still thinks this way.#She definitely remembered me too. I don't think she could forget honestly. neither of us was injured btw.#It wasn't a “fight” in the way you think most fights are. she called this sweet trans boy the word rhymes with maggot (that's what she is)#a maggot.#while she was moving around a lot and idk. rage took over and I twisted her arm and she happened to fall and then I cussed her out#I probably over did it but moving her arms around while ranting and then calling him that just pushed me over. I WAS calm at first.#He was a shy and quiet kid and he “didn't want to make a big deal about it” so I tried to follow his request but... you know.#it was in theatre behind the curtains during rehearsal and everyone heard/saw so yea. I got into trouble. no detention surprisingly#it was a long time coming. she would constantly harass him with shit about how “You still look like a girl”. and using wrong pronouns#and teachers were told but they didnt' do shit. She also was just a mean person. This guy wasn't the only person she bullied#I only wrote on why VIOLENCE was wrong. not about what I did. The only thing I feel bad about is that I scared the poor guy I was defending#I don't remember what I said (I was that mad) but apparently I "picked her personality apart like a bunch of lego bricks and then told her#why the “lego brick” is fucked up“ He was just 14-15 and she was 18 btw😒literally harrassing a sweet KID.#was convenient though because all I had to do was give her a look and she would immediately back down. idk what I said when I yelled#at her but it was nice that I could do that whenever she would start shit#Mad rambles#idk y'all I'm scared that she's in HEALTH. if I know anything I'll see if I can report her because while I hope she wouldn't fuck with tran#folks medications idk for sure. she was really cruel back in high school.#vent#rant#I try not to post shit like this but I'm worried you know?
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Creative Industry hire me challenge amidst continuous global mass layoffs (IMPOSSIBBLE!!! AGAINST ALL ODDS!!!)
#vent#just so very tired after riot news#and the constant crushing reminder ever time I open my emails and theres nothing there#Ive applied for so many positions#yet even if I was good enough it could just get ripped away#the riot people were so good at what they did but fuck i guess thats just not good enough!#fuck#shy talks#not art
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why (WHY) do neurotypicals always perceive being quiet, or reserved, or not seeking out other people, or even something as simple as rejecting food or something as an act of snootiness??? Like why do they see it as you thinking you’re better than them rather than just timid or something?? I don’t understand
Like the amount of times I find out people think that I believe I’m “above” them in some way (and therefore they like actually, fully despise me) just because I’m fucking shy and frankly VERY scared of humans is so high!!
It hurts so much because in reality I hate myself and all I want is irl friendship, but I can’t have that because of my limitations and others’ social expectations. The absolute last thing I’d think is that someone is like ~too lowly~ to be part of my life or whatever
It’s so fucking weird and unfair I hate being a human I just wanna be a fucking worm or house cat or something
#obligatory ‘not all neurotypicals’#I’m ANGY and SAD#why are people so needlessly mean#being nd is so hard when you’re introverted as fuck#not to say it isn’t hard for people who aren’t introverts but like#in a society where the ability to be social runs your life (at least in the states it’s like this I can’t#speak for everywhere) it’s LEGITIMATELY life-altering in a negative way to be shy for reasons like that#it’s so frustrating and I hate it#vent#delete later#shut up crisa#tw self deprecation#fuck it we ball (not gonna delete actually)
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely so fucking tired of the 'conversation' around 'trauma dumping'. none of you know how to use that word AND none of you motherfuckers understand what boundaries are. like yes if theres a pattern of someone or multiple people throwing heavy and triggering shit on you unprompted then theres an issue and they need to redirect their behavior, but so do you!! you need to communicate if you are uncomfortable and/or do not have the capacity to discuss things!!! YOU.
#and also. the idea that traumadumping is just anytime you have a heavy conversation with someone/friends/family is so. ohhmygod have you#never had a genuine connection in your life. shut up#maybe its just specifically how me and my community and friends exist together but like. im not one to shy away from heavy topics or to tal#about my own life experiences including trauma sometimes like if its relevant? like its not venting but its just fucking conversation??#like i consider myself an open book im not going to curate my thoughts and experiences for other people to take me seriously or whatever.#but obviously time and place yknow?? there Are more appropriate times than others to say certain things and its important to know when/wher#AND. ive been guilty of trauma dumping before!! we all have!! and it doesnt make you a bad person!!! it makes you fucking human!!!#and every other bitch who acts like their above poor communication or making mistakes and is 'so mature' can suck it and is a fucking liar.#okay rant over sorry#.txt
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
School, girls, life.
A cycle everyday, and I don't know how to feel about it. I feel as if I am about to relapse my cutting habit since I slit 3 cuts into my right arm, an arm I didn't usually cut into since my right hand is my dominant one. It occured when i was at school, staring at my best friend put on her make up in class while I listened to music. She's so pretty, with or without makeup as an aid. Every swipe of foundation, every puff of powder, every brush on the eye shadow palette, every smear of lip gloss on her lips was done so prettily. Prettily in a way I could never even think of replicating.
Everytime I put on makeup it's as if I've become another person entirely. I'm not myself. I'm a doll people do not notice as I am swallowed by the crowds of people rushing by like blurs in my memory.
So I went into a toilet stall, sat on the damp floor and did it. Is it bad to say I felt at ease when I felt it.
A girl is a person meant to be beautiful and if not she is nothing but a fuckable doll.
🎀
#femcel#fallen angel#coquette#hell is a teenage girl#honey cinnamon#tw sui vent#shut up shut the fuck up#shy fawn#cutecore#serial experiments lain#poetry#tw ed rant#cinnamon girl#girlblogging#esoteric#angel number 222#angel number 444
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#just a vent but it bugs me meeting a person from online who acts like their hot shit or a dom type person#then you meet them irl and they wont even look you in the eyes during a conversation or are quiet as fuck#where did the confidence go huh??#like i can be shy but ill atleast ACT confident how you gonna do the opposite
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i feel awful and im hoping venting will make me feel better#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i have to make a phone call and its fucking me up so bad for some reason#i was so upset about taking the wrong day off that i just went back to sleep#ive been putting this off all day and i think it's making it worse#i dont have anxiety that makes me shy i have anxiety that makes tiny things a fucking sysiphean task#i hate thisssssssssssssssss
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me being dumb thought my parents had all returned home and went back to listening to audio and my mum apparently literally just came home.
its is midnight. how the fuck.
She yelled at me for touching while in the christian family home.
I swear to everyone but god. Wtf. Knock.
#venting#in pure frustration#oh no#now Im being told to sleep#I sounds like a teenager being annoyed#I am#doesnt let me have vibrators#doesnt let me have time to myself#literally#wtf#god forbide I explore what makes me feel good instead of waiting for some man to show up in my life and teach me the ways of god or smth#idk if she brings in a man i will not be happy about it#im 23 yo#I am getting a girlfriend#fuck her#she's going to get me to pray with her tmr isnt she#oh no even worse she's going to church and telling them how much I am falling into the thralls of the devil#most parents would just shy away#but no#mine have to tell me how dare I even touch anythig that belongs to a man
3 notes
·
View notes