#shows you my blorbos i haven't talked about but i love so much

[shapelytimber]

Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less

[COMMISSIONS]

Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv

I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc

ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)

gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)

KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)

sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(

EVA KANT (Diabolik)

Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)

UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)

Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much

KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)

Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it

DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)

*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections

And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...

PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !

[chiisana-sukima]

nine people i want to get to know better

Thank you for the tag, @slutsons-blog! Starting a new post because I'm autistic and therefore mostly only care about the "Current Obsession" question, and want to ramble excessively as usual in that one.

Last song: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team: Pokemon Square because I'm currently playing Pokemon Mystery Dungeon with my daughter. Otherwise I honestly couldn't tell you. Whatever was on in my car.

Fave color: Purple

Currently watching: Star Trek Discovery

Last movie: Knives Out

Sweet/spicy/savory: Sweet, tart, salty

Relationship: married x 27 years

Last thing I googled: the word "dependent", for spelling assistance. which is a good thing because I spelled it "dependant".

Current Obsession: it's been spn since 2016. Truly we are the Hotel California of media franchises. I did recently play Disco Elysium twice in a row in quick succession, and I follow the DE tag. I can't recommend the game highly enough.... but I can feel my Special Interest-level obsession with it fading already. Spn has never faded even a tiny bit and I wonder if it ever will.

@slutsons-blog I feel after reading that you're watching spn for the first time, that I did you a bit of a disservice with my Sam takes to you before in that I mostly talked about Sam's evolution as a character as the show goes on and very little about him from the first five seasons.

Gotta be honest and tell you that although I liked both brothers all along, I was a Dean girl until the end of s6/beginning of s7, when the balance of who gets whumped the most started shifting and my subconscious suddenly decided to switch allegiances. It's not that I liked Dean any less; my id just loves a sopping wet pathetic kitten of a man who has been sexually abused, and Sam got suddenly way more kitteny and pathetic after the Cage. So I don't actually have a ton of takes on "what to love about Sam in the early seasons". I do love early seasons Sam too--she is my beautiful baby princess--but my early seasons takes are a lot more inchoate.

I count myself lucky about my id's sudden defection though, because I think we have limited control of who our blorbos are, and having Dean as a blorbo is a tough row to hoe as the later seasons go along. You know how you noticed that in s6, Dean suddenly gets a lot more assholey without apparent reason? Unfortunately he never gets better again, and in fact keeps getting worse and worse as the years go by, until by the last seasons he is openly far more abusive to their joint child(-in-an-adult body) than John was to him and Sam. It's a realistic picture of what can happen when trauma keeps piling up on people, but it's also honestly pretty distressing, especially if he's your blorbo.

If one is in it for the ship, there's some good destiel content in the later seasons, but if you're in it for Dean, you're left either 1) dealing with the fact he's got extremely significant interpersonal problems that he never gets much of anywhere on solving and that negatively impact his chosen family in profound ways, or 2) pretending he's the same character he was in s1 and Sam is the same Sam from s1, only more boring, and Dean is just trying to put up with him because he was brainwashed by John (or ig 3- something in the middle between those two. But that seldom seems to happen in practice for whatever reason). These two versions of the show are poorly compatible, and that's how the Sam girls and the Dean girls end up in isolated silos. A few people manage to live in both, but not many.

Anyway, I feel like without the context of how Sam and Dean change in the mid to late seasons, the two fics I recc'd as Sam character studies are going to seem insanely Dean-critical, so if you haven't read them yet, you might want to wait until s10. In the meantime, the general recs are fun reads and hopefully do a good job of showcasing both characters earlier on.

Tagging (but I would be a huge hypocrite if I didn't specify there's no pressure to respond, since I almost always fail at responding to tag games myself): @adihildilid @aliusfrater @quietwingsinthesky @sammygender @ardentpoop

@peanutbutterandbananasandwichs @schizosamwincester @normalbrothershow @jellybracelet.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

re: my tags about jgy and qin su in my reblog of that "does your blorbo have ptsd" tumblr poll, can we revisit that excruciating conversation in the jinlintai treasure room in cql? because one of my least favourite reads on jgy's expression and body language here is that he's being "creepy." and to be clear, i'm not trying to say you're wrong to draw those inferences here, because his behaviour is deeply, deeply unsettling, and i also find this scene hard to watch and to read in the novel. but i think if that's where your examination of him begins and ends here, you're doing yourself--and zhu zanjin's exquisite performance--a disservice.

so the 'creepy' bit is preceded by what jgy says to qin su while she has her back turned, and i find his words heartbreakingly sincere and very reflective of a man who has spent his life forced to feel shame and embarrassment over his mother, who he loves dearly and who he watched suffer right up until the moment of her death:

there are a few more very poignant lines in there about his mother and the depth of his gratitude to qin su (these show up in the novel, too), but i think the above encapsulates the same message. then the atmosphere shifts, and so does jgy's expression when he talks about jin rusong and how his death would have been inevitable--essential, even. this is also where i most often see him described as acting like a creep, and i have two separate responses to this that i don't really have the time to get into right now, but which have both doylist and watsonian components to them so �� you can probably make some guesses about what my arguments would be. if there's enough interest, i might come back to this later and put together a separate post about it, idk. anyway, i'm not going to get into the 'is he a creep' argument here because tl;dr no, i don't think he is, and also--

i find jgy's expressions here to be more indicative of a man who is, shall we say, Not His Best Self At The Moment 🫠 rather than a man who is intentionally trying to make a wife who, by her own admission, he has treated very well for the entirety of their marriage, uncomfortable. his attention isn't even on qin su or the hell that she is experiencing right now--because he is re-experiencing his own hell. because he, too, is traumatized by this knowledge! he's just had a decade and change to develop some deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms and masking techniques to hide it.

at this point qin su whips around and slaps him, which i know everyone likes to gif and fistbump and holler about in a positive way, but given there is no one in this scene who isn't enduring profound trauma in this moment, i, uh. you know. won't be doing that. i will focus on his face journey in the expressions that follow because they are just so

dissociating

dissociating

dissociating

/executive function switch is flipped in his superbly wrinkly brain, and then "qin su :) we still have so many guests to attend at the discussion conference :)"

a-yao? sir?? hello??? also i do not have the quote from the novel directly in front of me, but iirc he says something very similar here to what he does in the novel, which i'll have to paraphrase: that this revelation is only bothering qin su so much because she is actively thinking about it! it's only thoughts, you see! just don't think about it! haven't they actually been very happy all this time, while only one of them had to live with this knowledge and could not share it with anyone?

to which i can only respond with abject, horrified shock because, like. have you, jin guangyao? been happy and unperturbed by this devastating knowledge? because i think the answer is a pretty definitive no.

anyway i just wanted to quickly keymash my thoughts on this before they fled my brain completely but tl;dr yes, while jgy would not use this language to describe himself, he's absolutely got ptsd specifically around his marriage to his own half-sister, and their son.

---

this post has been added to my dreamwidth meta archive here: https://thatswhatsushewrote.dreamwidth.org/10607.html

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Top 10 Things I Love About the QL Tumblr Community 2023

I'm loving everyone's end of year lists, and decided to make up one of my own.

I haven't been on Tumblr for very long and was originally just lurking. 2023 marks the year where I finally started posting, after I read a take that made me feel compelled to come to a fictional character's defense. (Saengtai, my poor little blorbo).

So in commemoration of my first proper year of active tumblring, I present what I love about this community (in no particular order).

(Side note - Technically I know this is still primarily a BL community, but I like to say QL because I am trying to manifest more lesbians for us.)

1) The Gifmakers

Y'all are a good 70% of the reason I joined Tumblr in the first place. There are so many show moments that I want to relive, but without having to search through videos. Sometimes I want to appreciate the aesthetics. Sometimes I want to remember adorable or goofy moments. Sometimes I just want to see cute boys eating each other's faces. Our gifmakers give all of that to us, with the addition of so much creativity and style.

There's too many amazing ones to mention everyone, but I have to shout out @sparklyeyedhimbo, because the way your brain works makes me so happy.

2) The expertise

The other part of why I joined Tumblr was to learn more about what BLs were out there and what I might be missing. And holy hell. Y'all are putting in the work. Not only lists and resources for finding all kinds of QLs, like these fabulous monthly breakdowns by @gunsatthaphan, but also amazing posts that add additional context, like @absolutebl's incredibly helpful breakdown of Asian honorifics. There is so much research people do, for fun! And then they share it!

3) The meta analysis

I frickin love reading people's takes and analyses on series. I love learning, I love seeing perspectives from people with different cultural backgrounds to my own, it's all so fascinating! There's so much context we can miss due to our own privileges, or lack of knowing about various cultures, or due to whatever bubbles we've been living in. People here are just so smart, and nuanced, and willing to reflect and think about things, and also push back at each other, but generally with respect (except when you call out the dumb shit you see, usually on Twitter or TikTok, where people are being reductive and dumb about gender and sexuality).

And I've seen a few takes where people complain about analyses, and say that the director/production doesn't do everything deliberately, and we're all reading too much into it. To which I say, eh, lighten up. How people connect to and relate to media has relevance beyond what was intended. The point is we get to think and discuss and learn and grow. That doesn't happen if we don't analyze.

Special shout out here to @respectthepetty because colors mean things!

4) The wild theories

The other side of the analysis coin, the clown cars y'all drive around in with the wildest of theories. I have happily climbed into an occasional clown car, and usually I am utterly wrong (*cough* Saifah *cough*). But it's a super fun ride. I love seeing how people's brains work. I love it when y'all are wrong. I love it when y'all are right. It's beautiful.

5) Immediate acceptance

I am one of those people who knows that I have a lot of good qualities, and also, always kind of expect rejection. Blame the childhood bullies, I guess. Anyway, whenever I delve into a new space, I still feel like a total dork that no one will want to talk to. It's kind of a fraught way to move through the world, but I manage.

Anyway, I started posting my thoughts as they came up, and people are just totally cool with it. People even follow me sometimes. Even my silliest thoughts and dumbest jokes get at least a couple likes. It's so validating.

And my very silly joke about gay mafia in Kiseki has over 800 likes. I feel very seen.

6) Mutuals

I still kind of can't believe I have any. This ties in to the dork feeling above, but seriously - they are soooo cooooool. They're smart and awesome and funny, and they somehow find me worth following back, which is baffling yet wonderful. I want to squish their faces and give them many kisses (if they're into that kind of thing).

7) The self-exploration

I really appreciate how it's become more talked about how a lot of people are discovering queerness through BL, because that is so the case for me. I think it's both that I was in a bit of a hetero bubble before, and also that I'm evolving a bit as I age. I had figured out I was demi, and maybe a little bit gay, before getting in to BL, but being in this community, and seeing so many of you share so openly and freely, has made me realize it might be more than a little bit.

Either it was a new realization, or being around y'all has made me more gay. Win win, either way.

8) The weirdness

I'm weird. Y'all are weird. I love it.

9) The thirst

So many in this community are thirsty as fuck, and as someone who is in that same condition, I love that it's not just me. There are not many places where I can freely admit how horny I am as a part of my general existence.

Here? I could post about wanting to lick some random BL actor's face, and it would get a bunch of likes and some tags like #lickable, and it's just not remotely a big deal.

Also the gifmakers understand this, and give us beautiful cuts of our spicy scenes. They are genuinely too good for us.

10) The communal watching experience

There is absolutely nothing like watching along with people in the community. It is so worth the torture of having to wait week to week for new episodes. Seeing the show trend, watching the theories fly fast and furious, or the way everyone collectively loses their minds over particular moments. In a world that can feel very isolating, it's a very warm experience.

So there you go. Thank you all for being you. Here's to another year of QL shenanigans and losing our collective minds!

[eowynstwin]

i have this fascination with price. hes sort of this unsulliable steel, consistently to nearly always making the (as the games frame it) correct decisions, even when hes playing fast and loose with the law. his plans always work, hes never truly failed in the sense of real negative consequences for a choice (until 3 but 3 was badly written and i did not like it). hes always (in the game's framing) right. he never shows a moment of weakness. i love him ❤ i want to see him suffer i want him to make an objectively wrong choice. i want that choice to have consequences that shake his steady foundations and rock him to his core. i want him to fail. is that weird? i want him to lose control of his carefully maintained stony exterior. i want to see that side of him that is barely acknowledged to be genuinely explored. i know people justify it by saying hes a military captain in a ridiculously tough branch to get into, so of course hes like that, but in real life those guys are just as human as the rest of us, just as capable of mistakes and taking fat Ls and making poor decisions. I do love his character, he is my blorbo, i just want to put him in a jar and shake him real hard. is that weird?

Deadass, when I heard what happens in mw3 (still haven't gotten around to watching it, I'm fond of my brain cells and I feel like it'll kill some of them)--my first thought was that they should've killed Price.

Price is always barely restraining himself but he manages to keep himself in check for the most part. I imagine he's learned the hard way that if he lets his feelings dictate his actions then a lot of people get hurt.

Gaz and Soap, however, do not have the benefit of his experience. Ghost does, but he doesn't wield authority like Price's, and I have the feeling that he believes the Price keeps him in check (in his origin comics, he has frequent nightmares in which he assaults and murders people, because he went through months of classical conditioning in captivity).

So, let's say Mak shoots Price dead instead. Suddenly there's no one there to guide the surviving 141. Suddenly the wealth of experience he had to offer, the instincts for warfare that he honed over decades, is gone. Gaz loses his mentor. Ghost loses the man who holds his leash. Soap loses the one commanding officer he had any faith in.

Can you feel how that would raise the stakes exponentially? Price's influence, throughout the reboot, has kept everyone in line. He knows how to break the rules effectively while minimizing the consequences. He knows how to ignore distractions. He is ruthlessly efficient, without being brutal. The other three just do not have those skills. They are not capable of doing what Price does. They have neither the experience (in Gaz and Soap's case) nor the disposition (in Ghost's case).

Price dying would send shockwaves through the 141--through the entire cast--in ways that Soap's death just does not. Soap should have been the one in Shepherd's office with a silenced gun, because assassinating a FUCKING FOUR STAR AMERICAN GENERAL IN THE PENTAGON!!!!! Is not what an experienced captain in the SAS would do, no matter how he feels!!!!!! That is what a sergeant with more aptitude than sense and an overwhelming feeling of rage and loss would do!!!!!!

Aaaaand this is a rant nearly completely unrelated to what you were talking about lol. Sorry. I do want to see that old man suffer don't get me wrong. It's just that the suffering he's been set up for now, in canon, is SO MUCH BULLSHIT.

[diazsdimples]

What do u say about these supposed hard core fans that are shipping buck Tommy? They gonna make the writers keep that homophobe around 😰

I am entirely the wrong person to ask about this.

Firstly, I ship Bucktommy AND Buddie. And this is possible! You are allowed to see Buck be happy with a man for the first time (how fucking good!!) but also wish upon the nearest star that he ends up with Eddie in the end. I truly believe Buddie is endgame but at the moment, I am more delighted at the fact that Buck is happy, with a man, experiencing a positive queer relationship.

The reason I ship Bucktommy is because look! at! how! happy! this! boy! is!!! I will ship ANY person that makes my little blorbo as happy and blushy and giggly as Evan Buckley is when he's with Tommy Kinard. He is SMITTEN. Do I think they're endgame? Not at the moment, no. Would I be upset if they were? I'd mourn the fuck out of Buddie, but I would be glad that Buck is finally happy and comfortable in a relationship. His happiness is paramount.

For the reasons why Buck's bisexual arc is more important than a ship, please read this post. It talks about the importance of representation in current media, and my own experiences of coming to terms with my bisexuality just before this arc was aired. What we're seeing with Buck's story is revolutionary, really. We haven't seen this kind of thing happen in media much at all and it is so important to show.

For any issues regarding Tommy, please read this post by the lovely @slightlyobsessedwitheverything. They beautifully go through all his appearances and break them down for us and I would urge you to read it with an open mind.

Now, about Eddie. I am an Eddie girlie (gn) through and through. That is my babygirl and I adore him with every fibre of my being. I would love nothing more than to see him go through a queer arc. However, right now, Eddie is not in the place to do so. We saw from the last episode that he's an untapped reservoir of Catholic guilt, and it's gonna take a lot to work through that, before he can have any kind of realisation re: Buck. He's very much in his comphet days but is starting to take some steps towards undoing some of his old habits, like getting Marisol to move out when he realises they're moving too fast.

With this in mind, I think it would be too rushed and too early for Buddie to get together right now. Yeah they've had many seasons of being married and living out of one another's pockets but given the stages of life they are both in, I feel it wouldn't end as well as we'd like it to. Eddie isn't in the right place for it. Buck is exploring his sexuality. They need time to learn and grow and do some serious thinking and realising before they can even begin to contemplate a relationship together.

Regarding the "homophobe", I am assuming this is referring to Edy Ganem and not Lou Ferrigno Jr. I would like it noted for the record that I cannot stand Edy and therefore cannot stand Marisol. If Meddie were to be endgame, I'd fume. They have no chemistry. They do not suit one another. And I don't believe Edy should be given a platform to spread her hateful rhetoric, and I hope the last we see of her is 7x07. I'm a little mad it wasn't 7x05 but there we go.

However, Tommy and Buck's storyline and Eddie and Marisol's storyline are entirely separate. The only thing that links them are Buck and Eddie, and their friendship. I don't believe that Tommy's existence means Marisol is going to stick around and I find it a little odd that you do. Buck can and has had relationships that aren't Eddie. Eddie can and has had relationships that aren't Buck. Buck being in a relationship does not mean Eddie will also be in one. Tommy's existence does not confirm Marisol's continued existence.

My current best case scenario is Eddie being single by the end of 7x07 (please god), and Buck and Tommy continuing their relationship, so Buck has the opportunity to learn and experience same-sex relationships while Eddie has the time to deconstruct his true feelings, get therapy, work through 30+ years of repression, and then they'll be ready.

ALSO I DO NOT WANT BUCK TO CHEAT ON TOMMY WITH EDDIE. WE ARE NOT HERE FOR THAT.

Best case scenario, sometime towards the end of s7 or beginning of s8, Buck and Tommy decide that they both want different things out of life, have an amicable split that doesn't leave either of them hurt, Tommy sticks around as a recurring character because he's ingrained in the 118 again, Eddie's doing his therapy thing and then maybe mid s8 him and Buck can start coming to some realisations with a potential for Buddie moments towards the end of s8. Honestly anything else would seem too rushed.

The final point I'd like to make is that I find it extremely odd that you call people who ship Bucktommy "supposed hardcore fans". Shipping anything other than Buddie doesn't make you any less of a fan. Actually, I'd argue it shows a bit more commitment to the characters as you're willing to be open to them growing as humans and expanding on the personalities that we love. If Buddie is the only reason you watch the show, I feel you should re-evaluate your motivation. This show has so many great ships, such as Bathena, Henren and Madney, as well as Buddie and Bucktommy, and considering this is an ensemble show, we should show all of them as much love as the other. These characters are so intertwined with one another and that's what makes this show so worth watching. Watching for 2 characters and 2 characters only is not getting the full enjoyment out of it.

I hope this answered your questions and gave you something to reflect on. As I say, I'm not the right person to ask about this as I too ship Bucktommy, currently have 2 Bucktommy fics in my drafts and watch them kiss at least 10 times a day. And for future reference, I will be unfollowing/blocking people who throw tantrums about not getting Buddie so far, or who believe you can only ship Buddie and feel superior for doing so. Have a good rest of your day.

[utilitycaster]

Hi!

Outside of the obvious issues within the Campaign, One point i haven't seen talked about was how 4sD wasn't really a good way to find out why characters did certain thing or thought a certain way, the what the fuck is up with that section was the closest because the players and Dani would talk and ask eachother, though i believe that they also do that outside of the game, or talked about it on cooldown, but the questions selected for the tower of the deep dive often leaned into a fanfic-y narratives (mostly Tower, but sure i guess we need to know what their favourite ice cream flavors would be, for fun i guess)

I think cooldown is the closest to what i would have rather liked from 4sD but that's behind a paywall.

Do you think the format affected the way the audience engaged with the characters? or would it be like with Molly in C2 where Tal said that he was absolutely not a good guy but the critters insisted he was just misunderstood and actually a saint (hyperbole)

Hi anon,

4SD definitely impacted how people engaged with the characters, but if it hadn't existed the sort of person who cherrypicks out of context lines from 4SD would have just made things up whole cloth to support whatever they wanted a la Campaign 2. I also don't think 4SD is like, a problem. I agree there were flaws in the format, but also...I didn't ever watch Talks for Vox Machina (I did for Campaign 2 but as I binge-watched C1 I didn't have time and I didn't bother) and I understood the story just fine. I think that if you need a talkback shows to understand a character's motivations, either that is a flaw of the text for not showing them, or you are a stupid person. A great example is Bowlgate: Talks addressed explicitly why this conflict happened, but if you had, perhaps, watched the show, you would already know that Caleb had issues with abuses of power and massive problems with trust that often manifested as control issues, and Beau had control issues from the opposite direction that were no less explained by her past, and they understandably clashed, and while I personally agreed with Beau's assessment here neither of them expressed themselves very well, and it was a great moment of conflict in a game where conflict is interesting, and I also at no point was like "oh my god Liam and Marisha hate each other" because I understand the concept of acting. I actually, as someone avoiding the fandom at the time but watching Talks each week, was stunned to hear this had even been a controversy when I tuned in.

I think there are two much bigger factors in how the fandom engages:

social media and especially algorithmic short-form social media creating echo chambers. Like, obviously I am biased but I think the reason why so many of the most rancid and incorrect opinions from this campaign are from Twitter and so many of the most rancid and incorrect people are as well is that on Twitter, saying buzzwords tends to get eyes on your post, and it's all very short so you don't have to explain yourself, and it's based on instant gratification and if you say something stupid in the past it's easier for people to move on because it's hard to find, whereas like, on Tumblr, people have longer memories and if someone doesn't explain themselves they can't point to a character limit. I think without like, Twitter, bowlgate would have been much smaller a phenomenon. I think a major flaw of 4SD is that they've addressed things brought up on Twitter that aren't even a controversy but are actually just incredibly fucking stupid (Relvin not saying the exact words "I love you" is the one I'm remembering off the top of my head but this has been a problem for a WHILE).

The biggest one: I have mentioned blorbo-centric morality and you alluded to how people thought Molly was a saint and I just think for whatever reason Campaign 3 attracted a MASSIVE number of people like that. 4SD doesn't even enter here; if it exists they'll use it but if not they'll again make shit up or cherry pick or misinterpret. The core of all C3 discourse, at this point, is that some people will defend literally anything Bells Hells do no matter what. This is why you are seeing people who insisted the gods were, as someone said, tall kings who needed to be dethroned (killed) and were colonizers and murderers suddenly pivot praising a plan that lets them live and oh how compassionate Bells Hells are. You got people who defended indecision on this topic earlier; who said there were no good options but were too squeamish to actually explore that if their are no good options their darling little angels will get their hands dirty no matter what. The No Agency crowd. It's utterly spineless and amoral; they will abandon whatever argument they had to pivot to the aimless whims of Bells Hells. So 4SD gives them more material in their endless pivoting but they'd do this anyway.

So the format was like, fun as a hangout show but not great as a talkback at times, but it really wasn't a major factor because idiots are gonna be stupid no matter what. With that said while there were things about 4SD I liked I kind of wish they could go back to a more Talks-esque format, obviously with like, a better host. I also think that it might be better to permit fan-submitted questions in real time and air the episodes a few months later, particularly since as mentioned the crew often asked questions from a while ago. I also think doing this as a big thing monthly might be easier on the schedule but meant that we heard a LOT from cast members who were frequently available even if if their characters weren't doing much that was interesting. I would ideally like to go to like, every other week, shorter and more casual, with fan-submissions through a web form collected during the week following an episode so that like. we wouldn't get Talkback Show For 119 for maybe a month but it would actually be about that.

[sevdrag]

hello sev i am sorry to bother you but. if you have the time. could you PLEASE elaborate on how you thought elon musk was a tumblr meme i have not been able to stop thinking about it

So. The first thing you need to know about me is that I haven't been able to follow the news for the last, like, well. About 10 years. First I was in a black-hole-of-employment, and then once 2016 hit, reading the news just made me unhealthy levels of furious. So I stopped doing it for my own sanity. This, more than anything, allowed me to live a blissful life where Actual Husband could update me every weekend on anything important, while I had a drink in my hand. I ignored as much news as I could during those years, cause it turned me into something horrible. So! That's the foundation of this story.

I also don't pay attention to, like, famous people and stuff. At all. I thought the band was called One Directional, okay? I am happy in my little corner.

The second thing to note is that while I'm quite intelligent, I also am incredibly scatter-brained. It's the ADHD.

The third is to note that I'm a heavy Tumblr user. I've curated my dash here to show me, mostly, things I like to see. It's relaxing.

So I saw all the memes about Glup Shitto and Blorbo and a million other made-up Tumblr names (whatever they were back in like 2015-ish) during my daily lunchtime scroll, right? SO when I see a post about a guy named Elon Musk, paired with something absolutely fucking ridiculous, my brain just goes: Oh. Tumblr made up another meme guy. This one's rich. That's funny.

I don't remember, but I'm possibly even reblogging stuff about Elon Musk during this time, still thinking it's a meme name. I mean, look at it. Elon Musk. Sorry, dudebro, but your name be dumb.

Elon Musk wants to build his own spaceship. Okay, Tumblr. Sure. It's like a Tony Stark that's just buttfuckingly stupid. I get the meme. Cause, like, he does crazy fucking stuff, right? Crazy stupid stuff. Gotta be a meme. Tumblr's really going for it, I think. Alright.

Anyway, Elon Musk comes up in a Discord GC one day, and my friends are talking about him like he's a real person, and I just said:

Hold on. I thought he was a meme.

Chat, of course, is silent for a drastically embarrassing amount of time, and then explodes.

And that's how I learned, in front of a bunch of friends, that Elon Musk was NOT a tumblr meme character, but a real-life idiot doing real-life crazy ass shit. It took me a humiliatingly-ass time to realize it, and I DO still get Sevdragged about it to this very day.

tl;dr due to my head-in-the-sand tendencies and my love of Tumblr, unlike the rest of you, I had a blissful period in my life where Elon Musk was completely made-up.

I wish that were still true.

[zahri-melitor]

I read two more issues, to get past the Robins fight, and...still so conflicted.

I can see exactly how, if Damian is your ultimate blorbo and you read for Damian, this story is doing exactly what you want it to do and reflecting back beloved stories.

Issue 5 is explicitly set up as a parallel to War of the Robins from Batman and Robin 2011, and even ends with Damian getting an 'I love you and here have a trophy' speech from Dick, to tie Damian back to Alfred and Dick and the layers of care in the family.

It acknowledges Damian's menagerie and comments that the last thing Damian did before leaving was check in on them. It has Goliath show up and save Damian's life.

It has intense Robin: Son of Batman vibes and the whole repeat of the 'finding yourself on an isolated tropical island and redeeming yourself'.

(I expect the whole Respawn thing to play out with very much the exact themes of how R:SOB dealt with Damian's clones once Damian clues in)

But I keep waiting for payoffs that just aren't happening.

Rose slopes off to call for help for Damian, and then Dick, Jason, Tim and Steph turn up and I'm like "oh! Rose went and called Dick, because she's looking out for Damian on the island in the same way that Dick looked out for Rose while he was training her as Ravager and in a bad place where she was hanging on every one of Slade's words and determined she needed to prove herself as worthy of her father...oh. She called Jason".

And look, I know that there's an underlying push for decades now that Jason and Rose do have a bunch of things in common and would work well together (and also hinting at whether or not they're romantically involved), but a lot of that is inferred off panel stuff while Dick was literally Rose's teacher. If you want themes of 'you don't have to be what your family expect of you' why on earth wouldn't you openly reference that?!?

In terms of who is on this island and is one of Dick's rogue's gallery:

Raptor

Double Dare (both Margot and Aliki)

Lady Vic

Brutale

Nite-Wing (seriously why is Tad here)

Blue Shrike is apparently Shrike's brother???

Is this going to get acknowledged? That a solid chunk of Dick's enemies are here and fighting Damian? That's like half the competition!

Also while I was looking all of this up apparently the Richard Dragon they're talking about is the son of actual Richard Dragon, who apparently got killed in a flashback or something in Green Arrow #32 during n52 and who apparently in that universe worked for the League of Assassins (oh god I am now tearing my hair out, RICHARD IS NOT LINKED TO THE LEAGUE. HE WAS TRAINED BY THE O-SENSEI. STOP DOING THIS TO ALL THE MARTIAL ARTISTS). Huh. Bet that doesn't stick. Richard's too important thematically any time someone wants to write a Question book to be left randomly dead.

And then there's the whole situation that there is a Tengu on this island. I just went down the rabbit hole and this is an import of the Titans villain who is just a Japanese goblin, NOT the Tengu mask that Shiva hands out to people who are trained by her and fighting somewhat under her banner (as seen in Knightsend and in the Circle of Six in Richard Dragon). Which is honestly a waste; if I were going to resurrect a Tengu for this plot, the Shiva and Richard Dragon aligned mask is far more thematic!

And plus, Silver Monkey? Silver Monkey is heavily linked to both Connor's Green Arrow stories, and Shiva (as Paper Monkey), and Deathstroke. It's War of the Dragons and Cult of the Monkey Fist and Brotherhood of the Fist. It's about death and resurrection (as Shiva almost kills Connor and Tim uses his marker with Shiva to save Connor’s life from the time he saved HER life). Is this going to be acknowledged? Because that's where I'd be playing the references by bringing in Silver Monkey.

And look I haven't seen what payoffs we get for Connor yet and there are definitely a bunch of opportunities built in; on top of Silver Monkey you have Constantine Drakon, who's defeated Connor before. Plus there's Artemis Crock, who in DC Comics comics terms isn't linked at all to Connor (she's JSA and Infinity Inc and was in the YJ98 Zandian Olympics team) but obviously has been used for archer purposes in tv and cartoon adaptions.

I keep seeing all these potential stories set up and wondering if there is going to be any pay off on them. I hope so. But also so far the story has slipped around those payoffs unless it's a direct reference to a Damian story.

Also Ra's al Ghul playing the hermit sensei meditating and in touch with the universe on a nearby island is the funniest nonsense possible. Ra's? RA'S? Taking time out to go meditate on the state of the universe? Just so he's conveniently in a place to give Sage Advice to Damian about what personal values he should work on? Pull the other one.

[minty-muse]

Why Clam is an important character

Or an over-analytical deep dive into why Clam is my latest blorbo.

Clam is one of the main three characters from Camp Lazlo. His character can basically be summed up as the weird quiet kid of the show. He's very silly, chaotic, and energetic, but he doesn't talk very much, usually speaking in one to three word sentences and often repeating the last few words of his friends' sentences. It is shown that he can speak in full sentences, but it's not a super common occurrence.

Now you may be asking: What's so important about a character from an unserious kids show who hardly even talks? But the fact that he's weird and doesn't speak much is exactly why he resonates with me.

Sadly, Clam doesn't get a lot of episodes where his character is the main focus. A lot of his characterization is subtle and you may not notice certain things if you aren't paying close attention or just haven't seen a lot of episodes in general. And if one was only watching Camp Lazlo in passing without seeing any of his focus episodes, they could easily come under the assumption that Clam is just a dumb comic relief character without any depth. But that's where they'd be wrong. And the episodes where he does get more focus prove that he's more than that.

Prodigious Clamus is a one of the main episodes that establishes Clam's depth. And it's very telling that this is also his first major episode in the show. In this episode, Lumpus hears a story about a scoutmaster with a genius bean scout who became famous and the interviewer says that one in 14 scouts is a genius. Wanting to cash in on the opportunity to become famous and leave Camp Kidney, Lumpus sets up several tests to find out if one of his scouts is a genius. Now this premise isn't anything new, but where the episode truly shines is that it takes the complete opposite direction from what you'd initially expect.

Clam passes the first two tests easily, putting together a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle in 10 seconds, and painting an exact replica of the Mona Lisa in the same amount of the time. Lumpus doesn't actually notice Clam until later however, when he asks the scouts to perform music and the kid perfectly reproduces the sound of a full-on orchestra just from blowing into a glass bottle.

Lumpus realizes that Clam is the genius he's been looking for and he contacts the interviewer he saw on tv to come see Clam perform. At first, Clam seems happy to be recognized by Lumpus, but he quickly realizes that he'd miss Raj and Lazlo too much if he goes through with this.

Deciding that his friends are more important to him, Clam willingly sabotages his performance by belching extremely loudly into the glass bottle onstage. He then blows a raspberry as he walks past Lumpus and the interviewer, who calls both Clam and Lumpus terrible. Lazlo and Raj praise Clam for his act, calling it genius and that's all that matters in the end.

One thing I really love about Prodigious Clamus is that we've definitely seen this type of episode before, but usually by the end of the episode, the character would be proven to just be an idiot with the whole genius thing being a misunderstanding. But this episode subverts those expectations by showing that Clam IS the talented genius that Lumpus is looking for.

Clam actively chooses to play the part of the fool, because he doesn't want to be recognized for his smarts if it means leaving behind the people who are already important to him. And this makes him a stronger character than you're initially led to believe. Clam may have the other characters think he's an idiot after the act he pulled, but that's all it is--an act to disprove his actual intelligence so that he doesn't have to give up his happiness. If the others want to believe he's stupid, so be it. He just wants to have fun with the people who already love him.

There are multiple things to glean from this episode but the most apparent one is: Clam isn't stupid. He's quiet and expresses himself differently from other children but he's actually very smart and multi-talented. He just chooses to act silly because he likes having fun and he values his friends more than superficial things like popularity and fame.

Another thing I love about this episode is that Clam is completely silent from the point Lumpus notices him until the end of his "performance." He isn't forced to use words to express his discomfort with the situation. But you can still understand what's going on from the visual storytelling, even without having Clam verbally spell it out for you. And even if the adults can't recognize his intelligence, his friends love and support him just the way he is.

An additional point of note is that although Clam is quiet, this does not make him weak or helpless. He's the smallest scout in camp, but no one rivals him in physical strength and he's shown lifting objects several times his own weight multiple times throughout the series. He's also very resourceful and good at building things with little to no instruction. And he's not scared to stand up for himself either. He's a happy silly character but he's still allowed to get angry and he'll even fight adults if they piss him off too much.

Clam the Outlaw is another standout episode that depicts unique aspects that you wouldn't necessarily expect from a character like Clam. In the episode Clam wakes up at the crack of dawn to be the first person in line for Pancake Day. Unfortunately Chef McMuesli only has batter for one pancake and Lumpus very rudely cuts in front of Clam to steal his pancake. Clam rightfully gets pissed and attacks Lumpus, throwing the pancake at his face, and pouring syrup on top. It's too late when Clam realizes the mistake he's made and he ends up running off to live in the hills ( in the best cowboy outfit I've ever seen in my life, might I add ). And he's shown to be fully capable of surviving on his own, as he hides out for several days at a time.

Lumpus unfairly punishes the rest of the bean scouts for siding with Clam and he confiscates their marshmallows. But Outlaw Clam shows up on his trusty toy horse to bring the marshmallows back. Lumpus continues to try to take away the childrens' joy throughout the episode, but Clam shows up every time to save the day. The episode is very silly in tone, but it highlights how Clam is willing to break rules when they're unfair and stand up for what's right. He's not afraid to spit in the face of authority to protect what he believes in.

Similar to Prodigious Clamus, Clam also hardly speaks in this episode in between the time he becomes an outlaw and the end of the episode, further adding to the point that he doesn't need to talk in order to be a great character.

Where's Lazlo is a 40-minute movie special that dives into how Jelly Cabin met. It's the beginning of camp and Clam and Raj meet at the bus stop. Clam gets reasonably pissed at Raj when the latter tells him he has to sit on the roof of the bus ( he mistook him for a baggage boy ) and Clam acts very aggressive towards him at first.

A major theme of the movie is embracing one's differences regardless of how others may perceive you. While it's not stated, if we can take anything away from Clam's behavior with that theme in mind, it can be inferred that he may have gotten bullied for being weird in the past. And this is only given further plausibility when Clam immediately defends Raj from Edward's bullying, despite the fact that he doesn't like Raj.

In the episode Where's Clam, Raj makes Clam carry his share of the firewood because he knows Clam is stronger than him. Clam ends up carrying firewood for both of them while Raj carries a tiny twig. It's sort of implied that Clam struggles with saying no in this episode. Raj asks multiple times if it's really okay and Clam says it's no problem, although he appears to be struggling a bit to carry the extra weight. It seems as if he thinks this is just what's expected from him as a friend, and he isn't entirely certain how to enforce boundaries.

One episode that highlights an overlooked aspect of Clam's personality is Camp Dinkey. In this episode the campers find a sign for a camp called Camp Dinkey where the tagline is "A camp made just for you!" Everyone starts imagining their ideal summer camp and when it's Clam's turn, it's revealed that "no one ever asks" what he wants to do and that he feels misunderstood. But he wants to be understood. This moment pretty much confirms that Clam doesn't always voice his own opinion, in favor of going along with what others want because expressing himself verbally doesn't come easy.

Clam may also tone down his weirdness a bit to appear more palatable to others, particularly towards adults, as in Hallobeanies when Lumpus asks what he's dressed as for Halloween he enthusiastically yells "scary traffic cone!" before reneging what he said when Lumpus gets annoyed, and muttering "ehh...witch."

Now that we've covered some key parts of Clam's characterization, we'll get into why all of this is important. If you couldn't tell already, Clam is very autistic-coded, leaning towards the nonverbal crowd. He isn't shown talking to characters aside from Lazlo and Raj very often and he actually talks even less when they're not around, establishing that they're the people he's most comfortable with.

His interests aren't what most people would consider normal. He loves rocks ( both consuming and playing with them ). He wants to be a professional bathroom attendant. His comfort item is a toaster and no one knows why.

He's very intelligent but due to his silly personality and quiet nature he's often misjudged or overlooked, leading him to feel misunderstood. He can sometimes get violent when upset. He chooses to disregard rules he deems unfair even if it gets him into trouble. He may feel pressured to conform at times, particularly before authoritative figures, but for the most part he's very comfortable in his weirdness and he expresses himself however he chooses regardless of what others think.

Clam is a happy child who revels in being different, but his struggles are still very real and reflect alot of the same struggles of growing up in a society that expects everyone to fit into neat little boxes without any dents or creases.

Speaking as someone who grew up autistic in an unsupportive environment, seeing a character like Clam who's just allowed to be himself without being talked down to or having his personality treated as problem that needs to be fixed makes me feel seen in a way that few characters have succeeded in replicating. And one huge reason for this is because Clam is a quiet character and I've always struggled with speaking up in front of other people. I was that kid who's intelligence was overlooked by anyone and everyone simply because being loud and vocal didn't come naturally to me. So finding out that a character like Clam has existed for almost two decades and no one talks about him just makes me want to yell about him even more.

And I will acknowledge that there are more smart characters today who fit into the weird kid category, but when I was a kid, back when Camp Lazlo actually aired, they were few and far between. Back then weird characters were usually forced into the dumb guy archetype. And Clam stands out even more, because he has the added factor of being quiet. I'm just saying that from what I can recall, characters who were weird, quiet, and smart all at once weren't exactly a huge thing back in the mid 2000s and there still aren't a ton of them now.

And before I end this giant rambling mess there is one more important point I've been saving for last. Clam is an important character, not only because he's a great portrayal of an autistic child ( intentional or not ), but also because he's allowed to be different and it's not treated as an inherent flaw or moral failing.

Throughout the entire show Clam is allowed to just exist and no one ever forces him to talk more or tries to change him to make themselves feel more comfortable. He's also not othered by the characters or narrative for being weird. He's never punished for being different. He's just allowed to be his weird authentic self and his friends love and support him unconditionally.

From the perspective of someone who didn't grow up with that same love and support, I really appreciate that a character like Clam exists. Clam says it's okay to be weird and quiet and there's nothing wrong with that. Clam says there's still hope for those who's voices remain unheard. He may be a silly cartoon character from a silly kids show, but I'm happy he exists and he deserves the world. Thank you for coming to my unhinged essay and I hope I can convince at least one person to give this show and character a second look. With your help we can spread Clam worldwide. It's only a matter of time.

[zhoudadudugongjin]

Red Cliff Part One Thoughts

I really like the style/design (idk proper terminology) whatever. The sets and the locations! The cinematography. It's all really pretty!

My heart was breaking in literally the very first scene with Emperor Xian and the little birdie and he looked so happy for a single second in his miserable life and then Cao Cao came in and he just went... deflate :(

Speaking of Cao Cao.. he didn't really do it for me. He lacked a certain chaotic pizzazz that I think Cao Cao should have. Like he was just Some Guy who occasionally went into Cartoon Villian mode and it was just a bit... bleh. He looked ok though.

Zhuge Liang is kinda cute and I like his energy. His introduction was fun with the way they had him lying in the grass. Looks-wise he doesn't really fit my image of him (i can't deal with his hair being up all the time for a start) but he's still Blorbo™

ZHAO YUN BABY RESCUE ZHAO YUN BABY RESCUE. I didn't initially know the movie covered Changban but I'm SO glad it does.

Also. He got to cuddle Liu Bei 🥺🥰 (who, I might add, DID NOT YEET HIS SON!!!)

Actually Liu Bei really was just a cute old dad in this 💗

We haven't seen much of Guan Yu and Zhang Fei but I like that Zhang Fei seems to actually have braincells. It's a nice change. Also the scene with Guan Yu reading to the kids towards the end is so fucking cute.

I was a bit confused about Sun Quan already being styled as a prince because I was sure that didn't happen until later? but maybe i'm wrong. He's kinda hot.

I found it a bit weird that Zhuge Liang could just walk up into his face like that because it feels a bit inappropriate to do that to a prince you have literally only just met?

Where is Ziyu? Where is my son??

ZHOU YU??? I HAVE to talk for a long time about Zhou Yu. To me this portrayal is like, the Real™ Zhou Yu. I mean don't get me wrong, I enjoy the petty, competitive little bitch that he often gets portrayed as thanks to Luo Guanzhong, but this dude? He's charming. He's kind. I fell so in love with him. Sure in an ideal world he'd have been more of a prettyboy in the face but hey you can't have everything, and he was still kinda handsome. With a gorgeous smile :)

Oh yeah and the way they introduce him by fixing the flute for that kid. I was like THAT'S HIM THAT'S MY NERD. My HEART.

The romantic and sexual tension between these two is off the charts

They go to see Zhou Yu's pretty wife Xiao Qiao and Zhuge Liang helps her deliver a baby horse... just... because? And they gaze lovingly at each other a bit more

And then they go into a darkened room to have sex play a duet while Xiao Qiao and Lu Su watch on awkwardly.

Then Sun Quan's baby sister Xiaomei shows up and asserts herself as the obligatory Sword Girl™. She insists on being involved in all the action and battle scenes. Which, well, fine I guess. At least she was historically into swords.

Anyway they go hunting and we have to watch a guy almost get eaten by a tiger.

Speaking of girls, after this we have to watch Zhou Yu have ACTUAL sex with his wife (possibly to try and make us forget about his chemistry with Zhuge Liang). Which is fine, I guess. But Xiao Qiao has been pretty much a cardboard cut-out Pretty Wife for most of this. She doesn't have anything inspiring or valuable to say. They don't even mention that she's a good musician too!

Off they all go back to meet Liu Bei + Crew again and they all become FRIENDS and it turns into a really cute buddy movie between Wu and Shu. Liu Bei is WEAVING SHOES.

There's a little bit of dick-measuring, but mostly they all get on and it's cute :)

Then there's a bit long battle or whatever. The most notable moment being Zhou Yu PULLING THE ARROW OUT OF HIS SHOULDER OH GOD WHYYYYY. NOO. WHY WOULD YOU RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD MOVIE WITH THAT

And then they have a big banquet and Sun Quan decides NOW is the perfect time to propose a marriage between his baby sister and that pathetic old Liu Bei. So she seals Liu Bei's accupoints.

The difference between Zhao Yun and Zhuge Liang's reactions to this is very befitting of their characters I think lmao

Cao Cao continues to be a horny vanilla old dick. Zhuge Liang and Xiaomei play with pigeons and have a cute chat. Which feels good to me because I always saw Liangliang as the type that properly respects women.

Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu have a final little chat where they're like "oh gosh I really hope we don't become enemies :(:(:( " and then that's the end!!

[kohakhearts]

spare blorbo thoughts? blorbo thoughts tonight my liege?

this ask is SO old i'm sorry, i had to really think about what blorbo thoughts i HAVEN'T shared yet jdgfhjdk

so anyway, tonight i will be defending my thesis that satogou are kind of awful for each other and we are not capitalizing on their toxicity enough.

the obvious divide with them is in how they approach relationships. goh has a messed up idea of what friendship actually entails, and i'm guessing in his head relationships are relatively transactional. you have to give something to get something, and because he feels so inadequate, he doesn't put him in a position where he freely accepts what he sees as charity, because he doesn't believe in his capacity to return it. it's why he can safely accept being chloe's friend as long as he doesn't actually call her his friend. it's why he accepts ash as his friend, as if he is doing ash a favour, but then rejects him when he begins to see ash's drive to help others - because that's a threat to their friendship, which up until that point had been based on mutual interests and capabilities (after all, they were both crazy enough to jump on a lugia).

the biggest reason i think he'd have this mindset is because of how we see him with horace in his childhood flashbacks. he helps horace through the forest. the next day, he brings him lunch. they make a promise. horace doesn't uphold it. so goh feels he has given something and gotten nothing, and decides then that it's safer just to not give at all. his mindset changes because ash doesn't have that belief, and he just kind of...gives people everything, asks for nothing in return, and then...fucks off, lol

ash sees friendships in a completely different way. distance and time don't take away from the value of his friendships. memories make his friendships fonder. but he wasn't always like that, either. at the end of the johto arc, he has a hard time letting go too. even at the end of dp you can see how hard it is for him to say good-bye. but the memories of his friends and all they've been through together are lessons he carries with him, and he carries them well! he just...doesn't talk about them much.

so their disconnect would come i think in that, without ash around to remind him, i don't think goh would have an easy time accepting that they're still friends. it's been too long; nothing's been given or taken. do they even know each other anymore? even if they still talk, it wouldn't be the same. but the only thing worse than going back to how he was before he met ash would be being clingy, so i don't think he'd take the initative to start journeying with ash again or something. and because ash doesn't understand his view, he would probably never offer unless they just happened to cross paths. but i think by that point, goh would be resistant, and then it would be a whole "we're through" situation all over again.

i think they're the kind of bad for each other that is actually kind of good for each other, though. if that makes sense lmao. like they're on opposites ends of the same emotional spectrum, and both extremes are kind of not super healthy or conducive to maintaining friendships in the long-term. in order to maintain their own relationship, they would have to find a healthy middle area, which i think kind of happens during the course of jn and shows in how thematically their good-bye feels very different than some of the other departures in the series.

not sure if this makes any sense but basically they're "attachment issues" in opposite directions lmao. avoidant x abandonment issues. and i'd love to see that explored more in ways that aren't just a venue for inevitable hurt/comfort fluff, and especially in a way that doesn't excuse the fact that goh can be a jerk when he feels his relationships are threatened - because he can be, and i would love to see more how that can cause conflict between him and ash, rather than how it would lead to them having to break up and make up, yknow??

[animentality]

heyheyhey idk if u know how cool and important it is to have a badass assassin story with something other than cis gays and have it be Not a Big Deal but,,, it’s literally one of the first legit published books I’ve ever found like it?? And in a genre that I love??? And written well?? And genuinely funny as fuck?? Idk I’ve never seen an enby that gets to exist without it being A Tragic Plot Point or something To Overcome so thank u??? Like so much???? I can’t tell u how much???? I definitely didn’t cry at all about it nope not even once

:DDDDDD omg, my heart started pumping faster when I saw this ask. I am always so giddy when people talk to me about my books, especially the specifics about characters and tone and things they liked!

Yeah, I wanted to include every goddamn color in the pride flag!!

Pansexual/ bisexual assassins, nonbinary demons, a transgender assassin, an unrealistic number of gay and lesbian demon summoners! That's my fantasy world. It's not talked about, because it's simply normal.

Irvine in particular I adore because I am nonbinary myself, but also because they are just so powerful, and they don't even know just how much yet!

I always disliked how many nonbinary characters in fantasy and sci fi are just token "they/them" body guards, robotic or asexual leaning non-humans, or quiet, unassuming love interests who only exist to show a character is pansexual or something.

Irvine was my love letter to my own identity because I thought hey what if there was a nonbinary character who just fucks shit up, every time they appear? What if there was an enby who just kicks ass and is sexily never showing their face, and wears a badass hood all the time?

And then Irvine was born. My little storm demon :)

Also, I don't know if you ever saw the commissioned art, but I will post it in this ask for your viewing pleasure:

so glad you love my child. my baby blorbo.

who i intend to put through the wringer, lemme tell you, because i like to put all my favorite characters through it.

So glad you find it unique too! I honestly was feeling so badly about it, after months of querying and beta swapping, and getting feedback from dozens of people who only found things to criticize as being too strange or too different or stylistically confusing.

I went through a year of being told it wasn't good, and-and I'm a little emotional and overcome with appreciation and gratitude to all the people who not only bought or downloaded the book while it was free, but who also actually read the whole thing, and found it GOOD.

Like people...think i...write well??? oh gosh. oh god.

chills.

The asks I get keep me going through this mundane, dull little world. They give me something to look forward to, in between the doldrums of normalcy...

They also validate me for thinking someone...someone out there must find this good...

Thanks for taking the time to send this ask :))) it means the world to me.

I save them all in my drafts so I can look at them when I'm sad...

Also, THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THAT THE BOOK IS FUNNY.

in between the angst and the action and the blood-filled fist fighting and crazy sniper/melee battles, there is a lot of dark comedy!

I love dark comedy. I love satire.

As much as I love being edgy, I think a story without any humor at all is unbearable.

I want you to hurt with my characters...but you should also laugh with them! Laugh at them! Be amused by their stupidity...or by their cleverness.

Be charmed by their vulnerability, but also their insane, abnormal, bizarre points of view!

AAAAH, I'm so glad you found it funny AND heart-breaking!

That is exactly what I want every story of mine to be.

Thank you thank you thank you for this ask!!

Link to referenced book here, for all the poor spectators who have to see me blubbering like a child.

Please leave a review on Amazon/Goodreads if you haven't already, but if you have, thank you for that too! Every review helps me out so much!

[nihilnovisubsole]

sometimes when work is busy or you have a lot going on in your life, your brain goes to weird places in search of a way to relax. you find some niche book genre and have to read everything in it, or you throw yourself into a hobby you haven't thought about for years. me, i tend to reminisce about the story concepts i came up with when i was much younger, like middle and high school. they're not good. the characters are personality sketches and art designs, and there's never much plot meat. they're beat sheets, or a few thousand words and vibes. the adults behave in confusing, edgy, melodramatic ways that make perfect sense when you're thirteen and think you're being deep. but they're nostalgic, and some of them have potential if i squint, so it's easy to go, "hmm. is there anything i could do with this now?"

and some of these concepts are fanfic, which has a particular allure, because you're tired, and it saves you sooo much worldbuilding legwork. remember that show or game you loved? you could reconnect with it! you could rotate blorbos you haven't rotated in twenty years! you could resurrect old ships! give OCs a new coat of paint and realize a story you couldn't do justice decades ago!

which is beguiling until the minute you go to ao3 and find the source material's fan presence is a barren wasteland. i'm no stranger to small fandoms, and i'll be the first to say you shouldn't make art for engagement alone, but i'm talking dozens of fics. ancient harry potter crossovers. hit counts in the low three digits. fics that share a word with the title, so they turn up in the search results. with stats like those, you wonder whether, if you posted about it, most of your followers would even know what you were talking about.

this is the point where i take myself by the shoulders and go, "AK, this is your gremlin brain talking. don't feed your gremlin brain." of course, at this point in my career, i should probably ask myself whether all fanfic is the gremlin brain talking, which is kind of a shame. time spent writing fanfic is lost opportunity cost that i should be using to build a body of original work. so i eat my vegetables and i work on the original outlines. but i wash the dishes, and i still think, wouldn't that be cool? man. man!!

[okkefac]

Going into my pjsk fankids

Oh wow I got the one like! Using this as an excuse to blab about the fankids I've made for these blorbos. Umm I get super nervous sharing stuff like this, so if anyone sees this please be kind lol.

Pairings are really basic: shizuairi, emunene, minoharu, anhane, ruikasa In this kinda imaginary mind palace of mine there is also akitoya, mizuena and kanamafu - but none of them have kids. I'm going back and forth on if I imagine akitoya having kids, but I don't really see the niigo girls doing so - I see them more as fun aunt types.

As for leo/need, I hate to admit but I'm not a polyneed shipper no matter how much I want to be (I don't mind it as a ship, I'm just not passionate about it like I am the others here). I see ichika and shiho as aroace so I have them in a qpp, but I see hona and saki as allo. So we have some kids for honami and saki, but no set partner - feel free to HC as you see fit for the kids' other parent, I didn't design with anyone specific in mind.

Okay going in sort of age order by sibling set. Not all of them have super specific personalities yet, so some of the characters will be more vaguely detailed than others.

Honami - Rion, Isane and Yuuto

Rion and Isane are twins, with Yuuto being three years their junior. Rion and Isane are quite close, with Yuuto feeling a bit left behind due to feeling like the odd one out. As expected of Honami's kids, all three of them are fairly polite and kind - although Yuuto is more extroverted and likely to get up to mild mischief at school. Isane's grades are very high, so she decides to go to Miya girls, leaving Rion behind, to both of their frustration. II haven't thought about much detail on these kids individually yet, but I find their dynamic fascinating.

Saki - Atsuha

Fun fact: Atsuha was the first character whose concept I came up with. The first grandchild of the Tenmas - Atsuha definitely grew up very (lovingly) spoiled. She spends as much time as possible hanging around leo/need rehearsals, excitedly listening to her mom play the keyboard. Atsuha can play herself, but she's not super passionate about it - she actually gets very into design and construction and eventually becomes an architect. Has weekly visits with her uncles and cousins.

Saki wanted Atsuha to have a sibling, but things didn't work out that way, but Atsuha doesn't mind as she's so surrounded by love everywhere she goes - especially close with her cousins and honami's kids. She's a year younger than her, but sticks to Isane like glue at Miya girls when she joins.

Yes, that middle kanji is from Tsukasa's name. Yes, Tsukasa ugly cried to the point where he nearly passed out once he found out.

Emu/Nene - Raga, Earu

Raga and Earu have a two year age gap - Raga is a kind of typical mature older brother. Kind of takes after Nene a bit, but is much more academics focused. Earu is a loud performer - not wanting to go into theatre but wants to become a travelling clown. Both are avid gamers, but specialising in different areas.

Earu is born male but is nonbinary - if the spoke English they'd use he/they pronouns but definitely don't mind masculine titles (e.g they're happy to be called Raga's brother). Kind of describes themself as "not quite a boy but definitely not a girl". At some point they talk to Mizuki about things, and about how it's different and similar to Mizuki's situation. As you can see the have the girl's bow on - but they're wearing pants, they like to wear very androgynous clothing, but sometimes go a bit more masc or fem.

It's sort of presumed that Earu would take over phoenix wonderland due to being obsessed with theatre and performing from a young age, whereas Raga showed little interest. Although it later comes out that Raga was actually really looking forward to running things, and is just a bit more awkward at communicating his love of PXL - and it turns out Earu doesn't really want to be tied down and wants to travel the world, so it works for both of them that Raga becomes the one to take over eventually.

Shizuku/Airi - Nozori, Miyuna

Okay they're both a bit stupid, but I mean that with love. They had to be nerfed a bit. They go to Kamikou because they have to.

Both very conventionally attractive, they're only a year apart in age and are very close to each other - as well as to Nonno. Miyuna is somewhat overprotective, seeing her mother and brother both fall for things due to their general gullibility. Like Airi, Miyuna would definitely get into scrapes to protect her loved ones as a kid. Unlike Airi, Miyuna continues this to this day.

Nozori gets dragged into random situations on a fairly regular basis - usually by Yuuto who he is very ...very close with. He's actually quite into tech, being heavily encouraged by Airi so that they wouldn't end up like Shizuku.

Both siblings are often involved in very traditional Japanese ceremonies. Neither of them care much for the limelight, but both do love music.

Haruka/Minori - Nonno

Minori and Haruka's daughter - she's a year younger than Miyuna. Very close to the Shizuairi kids, she follows Miyuna to Kamikou even though she goes to Miya middle school. Definitely autistic (from Haruka). Nonno is fairly quiet and studious, used to her mothers having a lot of attention around the place. She lacks confidence to an extent, and tends to rely on clinging to other people. Nonno is a more recent addition to my mind palace, so I don't have loads on her yet.

An/Kohane - Nagisa

Wow I wonder who named this kid.

An and Kohane's son. As expected he's raised in vivid street like An was, and similarly was showered with love from a very young age. Not wanting to repeat the sourer aspects of her own childhood, whenever An and anyone else Nagisa was close to had to cancel on watching him practice, they instead invited him to join along for whatever errand they had to go do. This gave Nagisa a lot of knowledge of the inside workings of performing from a young age, and let him avoid some of the hangups An had.

As he got older, eventually Nagisa stopped tagging along to all of the errands, choosing to practice alone of his own volition. He's very confident, but not in a bad way - for example, where Kohane chose to wear contacts to look cooler, Nagisa instead decided "Well, I'm just going to make glasses cool" and stuck with them. He has quite the baby face, so makes up for it with a lot of piercings and trying to sound tougher than he is. The red streak in his hair is dyed, and he often swaps out the colour whenever he feels like it.

Fun fact: I didn't draw it, but his tongue is pierced too. Is it irresponsible for a teenager to have a tongue piercing? Maybe. He probably went and did it on his own, to be honest.

Rui/Tsukasa - Hikaru, Kazaki

Okay, Hikaru was one of the first characters I made, but Kazaki has only existed in my mind palace for about 12 hours, a very last minute decision to add. I was going back and forth on whether to give Hikaru a sibling, but decided Tsukasa should get revenge for using his kanji in Atsuha's name - and so Kazaki was born (Rui did choose her name though, just under Tsukasa's request to use one of Saki's name kanji).

They both got the Kamishiro autism, with Hikaru generally effected quite similarly to Rui (she struggles with textures, and socialising without bothering other people), and Kazaki effected to a lesser extent in different ways - Kazaki is very bothered by change and often stims with various trinkets of Rui's lying around the place.

Hikaru also got Rui's "genius" although unlike Rui she is much more aware and likely to bring it up - she sometimes gets frustrated when people can't understand things the way she does, although she doesn't mean it in a negative way - she is still just a teenager when she's like this. I'm not sure yet what Hikaru's passions are, but they probably lie outside of theatre. Kind of thinking rocks, rocks are cool. Tsukasa teaches her piano, but Hikaru struggles with fine dexterity and doesn't pick up on it - she eventually quits, where Tsukasa is fully supportive of course (he's seen what happened to Toya). Fun fact: Hikaru can do really good impressions.

Kazaki is into music and theatre, although mostly music. She's not a genius like Hikaru, but she picks up on musical things very quickly. She learns the piano with vigour, and starts composing her own songs from a very young age. Much more extroverted, Kazaki makes friends easily. She's not really odd like her parents, but unlike Hikaru she will play along with Rui and Tsukasa's weirdness for the bit. She does put on plays with her parents, although more as a hobby. Way later in life, she composes music for plays that Tsukasa writes and Rui directs.

They're not super close as siblings, fighting occasionally, but they do get along - much to Tsukasa's confusion ("Saki why aren't they like us?" "Oniichan I already told you, you go way above and beyond as a big brother." "No I don't!!"). Both girls kind of feel inferior to each other, with Kazaki feeling upset that she didn't get the genius gene like Hikaru, and Hikaru upset that Kazaki's interests align much more with their parents' than hers. Of course, to Rui and Tsukasa both girls are perfect. Eventually they get over this, but it takes some time. As adults the girls are probably super close.

In conclusion

I am so sorry why did I write so much. If anyone reads this i love you. If anyone cares I might make a name/pronoun chart because I find that stuff fascinating. ok bye.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Do you have any favorite bl dramas or bl series that you watched that came out this year? What are they if you have any?

Hello anon. For sure I do. I've actually been thinking about this as the end of the year is approaching but since there are still a couple of shows to go, I haven't properly started thinking about my lists. Last year it took me forever so I wanted to start earlier this year, but just like what I say every year about shopping for xmas presents, I doubt I'll actually do it. But since you graced my inbox I'll give you some of my faves who will definitely come up in my end of year lists.

Let's start with Thailand and a couple of my fave og pairs that graced our screens this year.

Cherry Magic Thailand

I love all Cherry Magic versions. They are all different and special in their own way. Of course you give me cherry magic and TayNew and do it right, and it's pretty much perfection in my book. They are lovely and this show was a joy.

The Trainee

I love them. I will watch them always. Was it perfect? Nope. That whole separation bit was silly. But the ensemble was great to watch, it was funny, and the workplace drama I thought was realistic. I'm thinking I might still rewatch this one again this year if I have the time.

Korea was strong this year, and the year started great with

Love for Love's Sake

I have a hard time finding the words to talk about this show so I'll keep it brief. It was original, devastating and beautiful. And it gave us the blorbo of all time.

Time of Fever

This one released all episodes at once but the brainrot lasted a couple of months. I like to think of it as a stand alone piece and it destroyed me in the best way. It was so well acted and so beautifully shot. Just looking at them makes my heart hurt. Although in my head they had a happy ending and ULS is a completely different show.

And last but obviously not least, and this pains me to say, it was kind of a mixed bag for Japan this year. There was still plenty of good stuff though.

Sugar Dog Life

As you can see from my choice of pfp, I love Isumi a normal amount. This show was such an amazing surprise. I've rewatched twice since it ended so it's becoming one of my comfort watches. It was so wholesome and adorable and the besties were amazing, and the food as usual played an important part. I love it so much.

A Man Who Defies the World of BL 3

He came back to us!!!! I love all the seasons, but this one is probably my favourite. It's so funny. Hatano was such an interesting addition and I still want to know more about him. The only problem with this show is that it was only 6 episodes.

I really need to start thinking about this so I can hopefully talk about this year's shows a bit better. But this is what I got for you today Anon. Have a good night and thanks for dropping by.