#shoutout math for being boring so I thought about this

[made-my-peace-with-all-the-bad]

Excuse me while I go think about the greaser-soc relationships in their inbetween moments where it doesn’t matter what they are bc they’re just together

[blood-gulch]

grace blood-gulch's s14 episode ranking list because i am so special and have lots of thoughts on every episode ever :)

Tier 1 - legitimately good quality content i recommend viewing

Room Zero - as someone who was personally Waiting those multiple years to see that rvb animated episode be finished i was so excited by this one. also i just love the animation + attention to character details in the og one. even though it doesnt really add much to that original base, newer fans should watch it to appreciate the animation cuz its cute. especially fond of every character detail moment like church running backward and using his hand to slide or the earliest iteration of grif being canonically animated as fat. idk i love it a lot and i think its p cute and well worth the watch. it's also the first episodically which is neat. good opener for s14.

The Brick Gulch Chronicles - look its stop motion lego and its cute as fuuuuuuck. the plot being sarges bday is adorable. literally awesome.

Fight the Good Fight - okay i just find it cute and quirky and generally enjoyed watching it quite a bit :) it made me laugh. the [Red] team gag was good. it reminded me of the similar gag from the simpsons in the kamp krusty episode. my dad always makes jokes about that specific gag so ahh. definitely worth the watch but understandable to skip.

Caboose's Guide to Making Friends - its just really fucking cute idfk

Head Cannon - This one's just really funny and also adds on to a scene that already was fun in a good way. Enjoyable. Highly recommended.

Get Bent - I wish sarge was still an old woman but dykenut and church bisexuality balances it out. i also wish we had female tucker. it makes me sad we didnt get female tucker.

Red vs. Blue the Musical - The reds' song is about weapons and the blues' song is about church killing himself. 10/10. no notes. perfect summation of rvb in like 10 minutes.

Mr. Red vs Mr. Blue - genuinely delightful like a distilled everything i like about tucker. he's really fun here. also sister is fun here.

The Triplets & The "Mission" - The triplets own hard. the scene with wash connie and south at the end always makes me smile. ohio girl youre fucking crazy but youre everything. I love you.

Tier 2 - Decent content. You can skip but still somewhat worth ur time.

From Stumbled Beginnings and Why They're Here - Mostly fun. Asterisk mostly. There's an episode between these two that's technically an episode trilogy you should skip. Otherwise is pretty fun.

The #1 Movie in the Galaxy: 3 - This is silly and fun. I enjoyed it. It's also short.

Meta vs Carolina: Dawn of Awesome - look man its a death battle. if you like death battle youll have fun. if you hate death battle you can skip it. shoutout sarge deadbeat dad implications though. i cant even be mad its just not the character id expect them to do that to...

Grey vs Gray - i found it fun :) nothing stand out tho. skippable but not egregiously bad.

Immersion: The Warthog Flip - Look if you Like seeing science stuff yeah its a good watch. if you dont like that you can skip it. I like the math and science though. you don't lose anything in skipping though.

Tier 3 - Meh

Orange is the New Red & Invaders from Another Mother - theyre not bad but aged... poorly. i thought they were funny when i was younger but i watched funhaus actively then. i dont know how this would fare to a non-FH fan. Desert Dance [Spins]

Red vs. Blue vs. Roosterteeth - I KNOWWWWW THERES A LOT OF NOSTALGIA its just .... not very funny. its creators meeting their characters but its also odd in a strange way. you can watch it if youre curious enough. i liked the end voice over of s14 a lot tho so like maybe watch it and if youre bored skip to the end lol

Tier 4 - Drink a lot or watch with friends to experience enjoyment

Club, Call, & Consequences - look man the only way youre enjoying this is if you are a hardcore lolix guy or you are wasted out of your mindddd. im sorry who the fuck is siris. i honest to god thought siris was a bit as a joke on the whole thing of "grif simmons and hammer" from earlier. they never even mention siris again. who the fuck is siris. i felt like i was like lied to or something . sorry siris is so fucking funny. well he didnt have a personality but thats ok. i dont know if he actually exists.

RvB Throwdown - Get Miles Luna out of the booth. never let him rap again.

Tier 5 - Bad. Skip it.

Fifty Shades of Red - Fifty Shades of Red has possibly one of the worst jokes in the series that immediately assassinates Tucker into a pretty fucking awful light and retroactively ruins his character for the preceding 13 seasons. I honestly recommend skipping Fifty Shades of Red to avoid that one tucker joke. its not necessary and contributes nothing. The rest of the episode is fine and on the level of stumbled beginnings & why theyre here. but god that one joke is so bad i can't in good faith recommend it. it just leaves me fuming LOL i could write an essay as it being the origin point of post s13 writers room tucker hate where they start trying to make him an irredeemable asshole & dont understand his whole deal for the rest of the series.

[penroseparticle]

Penrose Song of the Day Bonus Track: Folded Out by Stolen Jars

Help, I'm experiencing skill gap. If you only read one song of the day read this one, it's just as personal and not as private.

There's a lot of music. A LOT! There's too much music. (There will never be enough). There are so many songs and styles and instruments and conventions and broken expectations and formats and hooks and methods.

Music is probably the largest language I care to learn, after math (Which is just music before we could hear it). So it's frustrating to want to have the language to talk about it without having that language.

This is not a song that I had ever heard of until today. But it is an instant classic. Shoutout to @Telomar, someone I greatly respect the musical tastes of. I'm a bit afraid of it actually, which feels good to admit. A relief to stop holding that insecurity tight to my body.

I don't know anything! I am a fraud, an idiot, a know nothing know it all. I think I know so much about music and I am simply not that smart. I like music but I don't know what I'm doing.

And I know that's not true, I don't know nothing. I played instruments, I can interrogate a text. I'm learning terminology and song structure and what my tastes are (not just things I like, but why I like them). I want to make music one day but I'm scared to start. I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to do everything I want to and this one is the one I'm most scared of. What if I suck. What if I'll never get decent, let alone good. What if the things I have to say are boring or bad or ugly or cruel. What if I've only ever thought I was musically inclined but I'm actually a tone deaf fop.

It's hard to be authentic, because for starters I'm sick of that asshole, and I think he's kind of overhyped, and basic as fuck. But I won't start being authentic by being afraid to be open right. I gotta admit the things I like, the things I don't know, and when I'm only learning. Stop pretending I know what's going on and be ok with saying I don't know what that is, what that means, who that is, what that song is. I instantly look them up, I listen, I give my honest feedback. I'm starting to pick out instrumentation tracks. I'm going to get good. I'm going to be perfectly hyped, and have something interesting to say.

But that starts by admitting my smallness. No one anywhere knows everything about their field, it is actually impossible. No one is expected to. All I can do is do my best at.

What's so intimidating about your tastes @Telomar is that your tastes are specific. I like that I can hear a song that you like and recognize why it's something you like, even if I can't name it yet. I'm starting to recognize genres that I would associate with you. I'm starting to interrogate different aspects of music that I wouldn't have before. I don't know, it makes me stretch in a good way. I want to meet you there, in your music. Maybe I decide I don't like the weather, or that I only want a summer home where you listen. But I want to know the roadmap of how to get there. I want to be able to find you in the ocean of sound, if that makes sense.

So I've been dabbling back and forth through a playlist of faves he has, doing some homework. Listening to music I never knew, music I like, some I don't care for. But none of it bad- I'm appreciating what's there more and more.

I want to know more. I can't sit on my laurels, I can't do nothing. I can't lose focus. If you care about something, you have to put in the effort right? Even if you're tired. You do what you can.

Folded Out has a country guitar sensibility. It has a delicate percussion. It has a clear, intriguing melody line for the guitar. The layering is slow, methodical, and clear. There's a homespun feel to the song. It's a bit of soft, sweet Stomp Clap. It's cute. It gives you that chest feeling. It's good. Good job Stolen Jars. Good job.

Anyways, have a second song of the day because writing the Bare one unclogged something.

You could be dead right now. Go listen to something you love.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Mechakoopa

Debut: Super Mario World

So a very polite anon has humbly requested we write a post about Mechakoopa! They are apparently this person's favorite, so today's their lucky day! See I don't like to brag but, I'd definitely consider myself as part of the top 100 most qualified people to talk about Mechakoopas in the world! And who am I to turn down such a request?

Now the 90s you see, were a turning point for good Mr. Bowser here. With a brand new clown-helicopter thing to pilot around you might think he's all set, but what kind of self-respecting villain would he be without filling his evil lair with a number of Evil Wind-up Toys based on himself? So he does exactly that- a whole fourteen years before Mario stole his idea, mind you!

Yes, you read that right! Despite their name, Mechakoopas are tiny mechanical versions of Big Bowser himself, not just any run of the mill Koopa, which explains their green heads and funky hair! You know how Koopa is actually Bowser's Japanese name? Yeah! They could've localized them as Mecha-Bowsers, but Mechakoopa just flows nicer doesn't it? And he is still technically a Koopa!

"Yo, somebody rang?"

No!! Not you, Mecha-Bowser from Super Mario Sunshine (2002)!! You'll get your turn eventually! Geez! Anyway. Where was I. Oh! Yes!

This is the obligatory part of the post where I'm like “Get a load of this funky guy”! Get a load of this funky guy! Instead of reinterpreting Bowser’s design very literally in toy form, the Mechakoopa is very much its own beast, with its funny beak and little funny legs. Our aforementioned anon mentioned the wind-up key, and oh, what a wind-up key it is! And of course the raisin d’eclair- the fantastic little googly eyes! Oh where would we be without those googly eyes?

Naturally though, Bowser doesn’t just use his toys to populate his spooky castle- he always has to keep a few on his person! So he chucks them at you in the game’s final boss fight, but he didn’t account for the fact that, in this game only, Mario can throw upwards! Oh no! His one weakness! Being pelted with plastic!

By the by, I’ve always thought the original Mechakoopa sprite from Super Mario World looked super funky! The hair almost looks like its on fire! And I like the goofy grin. 

The Super Mario World cartoon decided to interpret this sprite by turning him into a horrible little man. No, I don’t want this! He shouldn’t have arms!

The Mechakoopa’s next appearance in a mainline Mario platformer was in New Super Mario Bros. Wii, where they act... exactly the same as they do in Super Mario World! Cool! This basically established them as modern Mario enemies, but there isn’t much to say other than that!

Like all our posts about Common Mario Enemies, it would probably be boring if I just listed off their every appearance, so I will just bring up the ones that are worth mentioning. For example, Super Mario RPG! In this game, Bowser’s strongest special attack is Bowser Crush, which summons a giant Mechakoopa to stop on foes! According to the Player’s Guide, this Mechakoopa was a top secret weapon developed by Koopa researchers... to stomp flowers and scare butterflies! Wow! That is so so evil! These big guys would definitely live up to the name “Mecha-Bowser”! 

“Hey guys, are you talking about me?”

NO, we are NOT talking about you, Mecha Bowser (with no hyphen) from Mario Kart: Double Dash (2003)’s Bowser’s Castle course! Get the heck outta here! Gosh, some people just don’t know when they’re not wanted!

I am sure after all this you are wondering, they may be mechanical toys but can they do math? The answer is yes obviously! This is Mechakoopa from Mario Party Advance, and they’re a mathematician! They invented Mechakoopa’s Theorem, the very real mathematical theorem that we all used in school! Everyone give them a round of applause!

I’d like to bring up their appearances in the Mario & Luigi games, not because it’s particularly notable, but because of how much I like their sprite and idle animation! Look at the wind-up key spin around and the eyes go up and down! So cute! Oh, and also because in the Superstar Saga remake they replaced the Mecha-Chomp enemies (may god rest their souls)!

Super Mario Maker 2′s final update was an epic win and a #1 victory royale for Mechakoopa fans anywhere, since it not only added Mechakoopas to all four main game themes, but also two brand new variants: the Blasta Mechakoopa (in red) and the Zappa Mechakoopa (in blue)! 

As you might expect, they can Blast (missiles) and Zap (lasers) respectively! I’ve no idea why they added these random functionalities to Mechakoopas specifically, but they’re a lot of fun and some of the most unique projectiles in the game! Zappa? I barely know ‘a! 

Oh, and I almost forgot! They are in Super Smash Bros. as well! Bowser Jr.’s moveset is a treasure trove of little references to Mario gadgets, and even though Bowser no longer tosses these guys from his Clown Car, his son has taken up the job! Only in this game, Mechakoopas explode. Uh oh! They didn’t do that before! Still, I really like popping a Mechakoopa out of its Mechakoopa Compartment just to see it wander around the stage. It’s fun!

Now that’s all I have to say about good old Mechakoopas, but I’d like to give a special shoutout to this guy in particular- the Micro Mecha-Bowser, from Super Mario Galaxy! For a long time, I assumed they were just Mechakoopas with a different design... But this definitely looks like a beefed up version of the Mechakoopa, with their big goofy teeth, their pig nose and their funky cross-hair eyes! These dudes can breathe fire too, so they really are more like Bowser! And if there’s a Micro Mecha-Bowser, there’s gotta be a normal one!

“Whassup? I heard somebody call my name!”

Harumph! Nobody called you, Mecha-Bowser from Super Mario Galaxy (2007)’s Toy Time Ga- Er... hold on a second. You actually are exactly the person I was talking about after all! My mistake! Though I do wish you’d at least give us a heads up when you’re gonna show up, given you’re the size of a small planetoid!

Yeah, the Micro Mecha-Bowsers are named after this big robot from Toy Time Galaxy, Mecha-Bowser (not to be confused with Mecha-Bowser or Mecha Bowser)! Though I have to say, there isn’t much family resemblance! He’s so blue and un-turtle like! Still, this must’ve been my favorite mission in Galaxy as a kid- I’d replay it over and over again just because the idea of climbing on a giant planet-sized robot and dismantling it piece by piece was so cool! It was like Shadow of the Colossus before I knew what the heck that was!

Well that’s about the extent of the Mechakoopa family. Isn’t it fun? There’s a moral to be learned here, and it’s that, uh... little wind-up toys are very charming! Um, I suppose. Look, writing conclusions is hard! 

Mechakoopa

[sunset-synthetica]

17. Ah, the naive youth. Shoutout to @itznox for requesting this!

"Jaaack. Jack!"

"What?"

Miko, currently draped over the sofa in the 'human section' of Omega One, and looking very much like a corpse given her current pose, groans. "I'm bored. Hand me the controller."

"It's my turn, you know."

"You've been playing for, like, 20 minutes-"

"5. It's been 5 minutes, Miko."

The argument goes on, and Fowler sighs, shaking his head. "They've been at this for half an hour. Think they'll last another half?"

Optimus frowns, looking down at the agent currently nestled between his windshields and upon the protruding piece of metal that creates a sort of seat. "I believe the only way to find out is to observe." As he says this, he glances back up and at the arguing duo. Fowler follows. Miko is glaring at Jack, who's more or less successfully ignoring her and staring at the screen, where something- a human shaped thing, covered in blood, with ragged clothes- sprints at the camera, letting out an inhuman scream.

Jack slightly jumps, and presses a button. The firearm his character is holding fires, and the enemy goes down, crumbling to the floor like a rag doll.

Optimus' frown deepens. "I… fail to see the excitement in this game. Does it not bother you to take another being's life?"

Jack shrugs, while Miko turns around, crossing her arms on the sofa's backrest. Her expression is that of sheer, deathly boredom. "I mean, it's not real, and that thing's been dead for a while. So, nah."

"I mean, it's not dead, is it?" Raf pipes up from where he's leaning against the shelf under the TV, drawing something. "They're infected, so technically they're still alive, because-"

"Whatever," Miko cuts in. "My point still stands: I think a zombie apocalypse would be fun. Shoot the bad guys, worry about actual important stuff instead of Math…"

"Ah, the naive youth," Fowler says, sighing. He shuffles the papers in his hands, before stuffing them into the file in his lap. He leans back against Optimus' chest, resting his head on the right windshield.

"Miko, I… do not think war- or anything close to it- could be described as 'fun'." Optimus' voice is grave- more than usual, that is. "To kill another is an act that will follow you for the rest of your life. I believe you would gladly choose Mathematics over being forced to end a fellow human's life for your own survival."

Miko gives Optimus an unimpressed glance, before she looks down at Fowler. "Couldn't have said it better," the agent simply says, patting the armor beneath him.

"Okay, grandpa," Miko shoots back, a playful edge to her voice.

"'Grandpa'?" Optimus sounds uncertain- as Fowler glances up, he sees sheer confusion on the Prime's faceplate.

"Didn't you start a sentence with 'back in my day', or something like that this morning? You literally sound like my grandparents." Miko raises her eyebrow.

Optimus hums. "I… believe my exact words were 'during my time-'"

"See? Grandpa."

Optimus' optics flicker. "I do not understand."

"She's saying you're old, Prime," Fowler explains. "Kids these days simply can't value advice," he says, putting on an irritated tone.

"Oh god," Miko says with exaggerated horror on her face. "Not even Ratchet acts like this, and he's, like, ancient."

"Ratchet may be old, but not more so than me. If I recall correctly, he is…" Optimus' orbital ridges furrow in thought. "Around two thirds of my age."

Now, Miko's expression turns baffled. "Sure thing, space peepaw."

Fowler chuckles. "Stop insulting your grandpa, Miko."

"William, you are not helping the situation," Optimus says. "... What does 'peepaw' mean?"

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Mabel’s All-In-One Guide to Being a Shooting Star: How to Avoid Being Caught and Other Tips You Should Know

Chapter Four: Not Gravity Falls

Whoops I forgot to post it my b you guys

Shoutout to @edward-or-ford and @pacific-ship for being bangs

When I wake up, the dream isn't done, I wanna see your face and know I've made it home. If nothing is true, what more can I do?- All Time Low, Painting Flowers

There was something… off about this Gravity Falls. Which was, of course, to be expected; alternate reality and all that. It wasn’t as different from her Gravity Falls as Not Dipper was from her Dipper, it just… It just felt strange. Like it was just a little bit wrong. It was darker. Everything was darker. She didn’t quite understand why.

She was still somewhat out of it, and walking was a chore. She really missed her bike. Why didn’t she have her bike again? Right, because she’d been abducted by gnomes, and then abducted-slash-rescued by an alternate version of her bro.

He was walking beside her, this alternate Dipper, and there was something different in the way he held himself. Her Dipper was… awkward, for lack of a better word. Adorably so, of course; it was one of the many things that had made her fall in love with him to begin with.

But this version… this version of Dipper walked with an easy sort of confidence Mabel wasn’t used to seeing, not on anybody, or at least not to that degree. He wasn’t awkward. Not even a little. He was sure of himself, perhaps even arrogant. He stood at his full height, not slouching or hunching his shoulders.

He didn’t just walk, either. He strutted, and he didn’t seem to notice when the townspeople (who had all stopped dead in their tracks and were looking at her, slack-jawed and wide-eyed) gave them both an unnecessarily wide berth. He didn’t glance at them, not even briefly to take mental note of their locations in relation to his own. He simply continued on as if they weren’t there, as if they didn’t exist.

They were looking at her with such unmistakable horror that Mabel had to say something.

“Hey,” she murmured at Not Dipper. “What’s the deal with these guys?”

“Hm?” He didn’t appear to have been paying attention to them, so when she voiced her question, he glanced around haphazardly. “Oh, I suppose they might think you’re… the other Mabel.”

“Huh. Weird.” Before she could comment further, her words were cut off.

“Mabel?” came a shocked voice that was almost familiar, but not quite. And when Mabel slowed her pace along the sidewalk and turned her gaze to her right, she found herself looking at a very… well, it was just odd, wasn’t it, almost as odd as Not Dipper’s mannerisms and general Not Dipper-ness. The contrast of these weird versions to the people she knew was lowkey freakin’ her out.

It was… “Pacifica?” It did very much appear to be Pacifica. The girl looked like Pacifica. She had the same face, eyes, and general appearance, but it looked like Pacifica if Pacifica had aged several years and gotten a hippie costume from a Halloween store. Or a Summerween store. Y’know. Whatever.

“You’re, uh… how are you…?” Pacifica was asking, and Mabel still felt a bit wobbly, but she smiled at this strange version of Pacifica all the same.

“Hi!” Mabel greeted with a cheerful wave, sticking her hand out for the other girl to shake. “I’m Mabel, nice to meet ya!” There was murmuring of words from the crowd that Mabel couldn’t hear or understand, and Pacifica was looking at Mabel’s hand like it had a shark’s mouth and the corresponding number of teeth (which was, fun fact, three thousand), and would give her hand similar treatment to that of those teenagers in Jaws.

Realizing Pacifica wasn’t gonna take her hand, Mabel lowered it with a pout. Not Dipper wasn’t looking at her. He’d stopped walking when she had, but he was staring off into space, his expression blank.

“I… I don’t understand,” Pacifica said, eyeing Mabel warily. “How are you… how are you here?”

Suddenly, Mabel remembered: ‘nother universe, concussion, blah blah blah.

“Right!” She snapped her fingers. “Sorry, I totes magoats forgot!” Pacifica (and everyone else) raised their eyebrows at her. “Have a bit of a concussion here,” she explained, knocking on the side of her head. “Yowch, prolly shouldn’t’ve done that. Anyway, the long and short of it is,” she paused for dramatic effect, “I’m from an alternate dimension! Ta-da!” She did jazz hands. Dramatic effect really was important. Essential, even.

“Okay,” Pacifica said slowly, looking immensely confused. “So, how, exactly…” she glanced at Not Dipper, and her eyes widened. “Holy crap, what happened?!” she exclaimed, rushing towards him. “Are you okay? We need to get you to a hospital, ommigod!”

He rolled his eyes, allowing them to land on her. “It’s none of your concern.” His voice was bored, disinterested, like the absolute last thing in the world he wanted to be doing was to be talking to her, and the fact that he was having to was nothing more than an irritating waste of time.

“Worry not, little missy!” Mabel gave her a double thumbs up. “We’re gonna get it taken care of and the not-broseph over here will be a-okay!”

Nobody else said anything. Pacifica was still looking at her nervously. If they thought she was the alternate universe’s Mabel and they were acting like, well, that, then what in the hell had her other self done to them? Dang diggity, they were looking at Not Dipper the same way; what had he done to them?

She glanced at him. He wasn’t looking at Pacifica anymore. He was staring off into space again.

“Um, well, I-“

Pacifca’s nervous stuttering was cut off by Not Dipper sighing, taking Mabel’s hand in his, and pulling her forward again. ��Time to go,” he said, not bothering to look over his shoulder.

Had he always been so... apathetic? Mabel wasn’t sure. Her head was still pounding somewhat, and she couldn’t remember suuuuuper clearly, but she was pretty sure he’d been paying attention to her before. In fact, he’d been focused entirely on her, she had thought. But just then, he wasn’t focusing on anything. He’d totally snubbed Pacifica, too!

“Where are we going, exactly?” Mabel asked, doing her best to wave over her shoulder at the bewildered and fearful-looking townspeople as Not Dipper dragged her along behind him, his hand gentle but firm around hers.

“Home,” Not Dipper said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Not her home, obviously, but his. Was it her shaken brain, or was his distinct lack of the word ‘my’ weird?

“Not… uh…” she took a moment to collect her thoughts. Stupid concussion. What was that word again? “Not a hospital?”

“Not a hospital,” he agreed.

“O...kay…?”

After several minutes of him walking in strides that were a bit much for Mabel, particularly since she was having difficulty walking at all, he looked over his shoulder at her with one of those stupid stupid stupid grins-

“You seem to be having a bit of trouble there, Mabel dear. You’re quite sure you don’t want me to carry you again?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” She nodded emphatically. But, wait a second. “Again? What do you mean again?”

“Oh,” he glanced over his shoulder at her for a second, as if he’d forgotten he’d mentioned it to begin with. “I carried you earlier. When you were unconscious, you know.”

“R- right,” she stuttered. He’d carried her? How terribly embarrassing. She was far too heavy to be carried, and she was massively uncomfortable with this random version of her twin she loved in a very un-sister-type way knowing that she was far too heavy to be carried. “Thank you for saving me, by the way.”

“Of course,” he said easily. “Though please do try not to get into too much trouble now that you’re here.” He paused for a moment. “I’d hate to see something happen to you.”

“Honestly, the only place weird stuff ever happens to me is Gravity Falls,” she chuckled a bit. Her own need to escape had trapped her in a way, hadn’t it? “I’m probably no safer here than I was in my dimension.”

They’d migrated from sidewalks to dirt walkways along the side of a long, winding road that Mabel couldn’t see the end of.

“You’re safe with me,” he told her firmly. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

He was pulling her along the dirt path still, the earth and gravel crunching beneath her shoes. It was fairly dark by this point, so the chill of the evening air bit into the bare skin her shorts and loose crop top revealed.

“Sorry for complaining, but like. We’ve been walkin’ for a hot minute here, and I’m not seeing any houses in sight, so I’m just…'' she paused to take a break. Words were hard when one had a concussion. “Just kinda wondering if we’ll ever actually get to your far-far-away abode, y’know?”

“We’re almost there,” he assured her, and she could’ve sworn he squeezed her hand, but she really wasn’t sure. She might’ve imagined it. Actually, she probably imagined it. Almost certainly.

Which, side note, but why was he still holding her hand? They weren’t exactly walking side by side, no, but she was close enough behind him to where he didn’t really need to lead her anywhere.

Before she could formulate the words to question it, however, a wall came into view. A very high wall. Perhaps ten feet? Mabel didn’t know; she’d never been great at math. Sue her. It was stone, it looked like, but it was difficult to tell for certain because it was covered in ivy from top to bottom.

“You see?” He smiled at her slightly. “We’re there.”

The road they were walking beside appeared to end at a very large, ornate wrought iron gate that the wall-slash-fence appeared to house, and beyond that lay a driveway, leading to…

A… castle? It certainly looked like a castle. It was very very tall, and she couldn’t see much, but it definitely looked like a castle.

She sped up her pace a bit so she could match his long strides and poke him lightly on the arm. He looked down at her with mild amusement, it looked like. “Hey, uh…” he raised his eyebrows at her. “Is that where you live?”

“Yes, that’s why we’re here,” he said as if it were obvious. As if anyone living in a goddamn castle in the year of our lord 2019 was an obvious conclusion for somebody to jump to.

She noticed that some of his hair had fallen from its slicked back style and was falling over his birthmark. She wondered what it would look like down. She wondered what it would feel like. She wondered- no no no, bad Mabel, very bad, he’s not your Dipper!

“So…” she trailed off for a second. “Just to be clear, so we’re like, one-hundred-and-ten percent on the same page here, you live in a castle. Have… have I got that right, oooorrrrrr…?”

“If you consider this a castle, then yes, I suppose.” Not Dipper was looking down at her again, and he looked like he found her surprise quite funny. Which she didn’t exactly appreciate, but y’know. Beggars can’t choose their rescuers and all that.

They’d finally reached the gate, and it appeared to have a very large G in very fancy cursive on it.

He pressed his thumb to an electronic pad. The gate creaked open, and he strolled through it, pulling her along after him. It closed again as soon as they went through, and she found herself looking around every way she could without making herself all dizzy again.

They navigated around what appeared to be a hedge maze (that she would later discover was also in the shape of a giant cursive G), and it was several more minutes before they reached the overly tall wooden doors.

It wasn’t until he pushed the door open, taking his hand from hers in the process, that she realized he’d never let go of her hand. He’d been holding it the entire time, and she’d never even noticed.

[chickenfreeblog]

chicken i'm a teacher and i feel like a lot of the advice given to teachers for how best to support students with adhd comes from the neurotypical community. things like chunk information into smaller parts, give frequent breaks, use fidget toys, etc. and maybe that's all good advice (??), but is there anything you wish teachers would do differently? things that would give your brain the best chance of learning?

oh man this is such a good thoughtful question & one that i hope every teacher thinks about, but i know it’s tough so i really appreciate that you are!! i think the ones you gave are pretty good practical tips, honestly? i’m hoping other people will jump in because i just have my experience to speak from.

a couple things that i would say that are less... concrete but just stuff i wish my teachers had known:

- the formal dx isn’t everything / don’t assume that kids are neurotypical

i know there’s a lot of paperwork and stuff around these issues for you guys, so this can be a little tough to manage. one thing that happened to me though and that i hear a lot from friends is just like..... it’s hereditary, and also there’s a lot of stigma around being neurodivergent, especially in older generations? i know my mom really pushed back against anyone that suggested that i had adhd, because she has the exact same symptoms and was kind of like Why Are These Teachers Using This Parent Teacher Conference To Call Me a Big Freak. i know other parents that just think it’s too weird to have an nd kid and basically picked any possible weird workaround over getting an actual diagnosis. i think a lot of teachers kind of look at formal dx as a way to separate kids who are lazy but normal from kids who have “real problems,” and that can get really super gnarly if you’re, y’know, a ten year old whose parents just don’t believe in the idea of adhd for whatever reason.

- don’t assume that kids aren’t trying?

i know there’s totally just some kids that need more motivation for whatever reason, but...... i think the flipside is that..... you can also just put a ton of pressure on a kid who is genuinely trying super hard? i think a lot of teachers have a little bit of an idea that there’s a series of magic words that they can say to properly motivate a kid, and then presto, they’ll follow directions and be Fixed. and definitely they mean well!! but also i think you can really easily make a kid shut down if they’re trying their absolute hardest & none of the adults around them are perceiving it at all? it honestly was pretty traumatic to want to be good at school So Badly and still have every adult be constantly like okay...... we need to talk about why you’re lazy and don’t care and why you’re shitty at this, actually. i think my best teachers just really had a sense of humor about the fact that i was going to misunderstand stuff or forget deadlines and that it wasn’t a matter of them teaching it badly or me not caring to learn.

- if you figure out how to work with one kid with adhd..... congratulations you figured out how to work with one (1) kid with adhd

this is something that autistic people have talked about a lot, but i think it also really holds true for adhd? my partner and i always make each other a lil crazy because despite having Same Guy Disease we have uhhh completely opposite needs. jay’s dyslexic mcfuck and he wants verbal instructions and someone to talk to basically every waking minute or he’s like I’M BORED I NEED TASKS NOW!!! IMMEDIATELY!!! I’M POKING THE WORLD WITH A STICK. DO SOMETHING. whereas i..... cannot interpret verbal instructions worth one good goddamn and if you give me strict instructions and deadlines with no wiggle room i’ll simply get claustrophobic and die. like my ideal school situation is someone gives me a textbook full of problems and they sit in another room and never speak to me unless i have a question. genuinely. i know there’s some skepticism in ed about learning styles, but i do think for people with Sensory Stuff that just being... more thoughtful about how information is delivered and how they’re receiving it can really help? a lot of adhd people really struggle with written info or verbal info, and if you’re relying 100% on one option it’s... kind of impossible for them to Do School in any real way.

- just have a sense of humor / support kids if they figure out a way that works for them?

i kinda mentioned this earlier, but i think a lot of people fall into the trap of thinking that they can motivate every kid into doing things The Right Way, and then a lot of kids just shut down instead? genuinely the teachers i got along with the best were the ones that just.... kind of sat back and accepted that like, i was not native to their environment and wasn’t going to be able engage with stuff the way they envisioned. i took the same math teacher for three years of high school because at one point i just started ignoring her lectures & doing homework during every class. instead of confronting me about it she just was kind of like “weird!!! not technically a sin though!” and we?? got along great after that? like literally better than i had ever gotten along with a teacher until then. i didn’t even know you could go to math class and not cry! amazing. i won’t say i was ever super great at math, but i went from being the kid getting Fs on every single test and never turning in homework to being a pretty reliable B+ student. she totally could’ve gotten offended in that situation since she was trying dang hard to give an interesting lecture, but having her just kind of go “weird! okay” and not be like Callout Post: This Child Is So Annoying made such a huge fucking difference for me (shoutout to ms. butler thank you for letting me graduate high school etc etc)

let kids see other life paths without judgment

kind of in line with the motivation thing, but i think like.... yes kids with ADHD can absolutely thrive in academics, but also make it clear that it’s not a catastrophe if it’s not a good environment for them? there’s so much rhetoric around “you have to do well in 1st grade so you can get into harvard and be a lawyer” or whatever, and i think kids who struggle pick up on that more than people realize. i remember really genuinely feeling like there was straight up not a future for me if i didn’t find a way to just like.... get a new brain??? and i wish i’d had positive role models for the idea that like. you can have a cool interesting life even if you’re very bad at sitting in a lecture!! it’s fine!! maybe you can’t be an astronaut or whatever but it’s still worth trying to graduate and see what’s out there

OKAY my two practical tips: let kids wander the fuck around AND also. start a knitting club

okay this is just for me but lmaoooooooo my elementary school teachers thought i was gonna SIT STILL??? and THINK???? at the SAME TIME???? i don’t even do that as a 25 year old. please. you know those bikes that like power electricity generators? that’s what a hyperactive brain is like. if they’re not moving they’re just not doing anything. 

also yeah knitting club. you gotta. my 4th grade teacher sucked so bad on every single front listed above and she hated me soooooo much but she did teach me how to sit through a 30 minute meeting without crying. fucking around with string and sticks IS adhd culture probably. idk.

[that-house]

Hey so I hit 100 followers today!

Buckle up, this is gonna be a LOOOONG post.

I quite honestly expected it (while my ego is a little smaller than my jokes make it out to be it is definitely present), I didn’t expect it to happen so fast.

It’s not an insane milestone, plenty of people have 100 followers. A hefty portion of my followers are bigger than me. But it’s still important to me. Knowing that there’s 100 people out there who enjoy my shit makes me happy.

First and foremost the credit quite honestly has to go to ahegao George Washington. No, I’m not joking. Until I posted on r/tumblr about my desire to draw that, I had 0 followers. I jumped to like 10 overnight, which was awesome. And then those new followers helped me spread my posts and get more attention.

Secondly I’d like to shoutout @imaverysadgirl and @themeaninglessjumble. You two were my first real tumblr frens. You were the first of my followers to really interact with me. Ember, I’m super happy you’re alive to see me hit 100 followers. Jumble (I don’t know your name unless I forgot it), your art and creations are great and you deserve way more attention.

To all the rest of you, you guys are great, too. Every new follower makes me happy. I’d say I don’t deserve you all, but my colossal ego says I do. Regardless, being nemesi and getting called out for being horny on main and sending and receiving asks has made this last month or so great.

Finally, for all the shit it gets, and for all the shit it pulls, [tumblr] really is pretty dope. I got to meet you all, and it’s actively making me a better person by exposing me to groups of people I’d rarely interact with in real life.

Why does it feel like I’m saying goodbye? I’m not, don’t worry. I plan to stay, and neither death nor pain shall drive me from this hellsite. I’m just saying thanks.

Now with the thanks out of the way, I want to talk about myself a little. Just the stuff that I’ve always wanted to say and never quite gathered my thoughts and found the time to talk about.

You’re gonna get to know me so well! This is like a mini autobiography!

First off, my mental health. This is something I don’t talk about much on this blog, mostly because it doesn’t need much talking about. I’m doing pretty well, to be honest. I have a smattering of anxiety and I’m maybe a little too introverted for my own good, but I’m not suffering from depression and the only time I ever even remotely considered suicide was when I just really really didn’t want to go to French class. COVID has been great for me, since I don’t have to see people. I suppose I’m not a great person to talk to if you’re struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, seeing as I can’t personally relate, but I’m still always here for you guys if you need me. Just because I haven’t lived through your experiences doesn’t mean I can’t try to help.

Next up I want to talk about my sexuality. This one’s a bit of a mystery. For the past 16 years of my life I’ve considered myself 100% straight. But lately (let’s be honest, following the release of Spirit Blossom Thresh) I’ve been wondering if I might be bi. How many times can I joke about wanting to smash sexy boys before it’s not really a joke anymore? And if I am, a lot of things would suddenly make a lot of sense. But every time I think I have it figured out it suddenly feels like I have no clue what’s going on. Regardless, my sexuality has honestly never been a massive part of my identity (though I’m definitely not asexual, my friends can attest I’m far too horny for that). I have no clue if I’m bi and for now it’s kind of a fun little adventure!

I guess I’ll talk about school and stuff now. Believe it or not, I’m kinda smart. I’m taking a shitton of AP courses this year. But I simultaneously feel like it’s too much and not enough. I’m smart, but I’m not a great student. Compared to my dad, who graduated college with a 3.98 GPA (and his only B being in History of Canada as an American) and now has a super well-paying government STEM job that he loves, I feel like even if I work my ass off I’ll never quite measure up. And my parents have had super high expectations of me, and it’s only recently that they’ve started to accept that I might get some B’s here and there. I’m worried about all the homework this year. I’m a year ahead in Math but I don’t feel good enough at math to be taking AP calculus junior year. I’m worried I’m going to get like a C. But for the most part school is alright, too. That’s sort of the trend in my life. Everything’s alright.

Time to talk about my love life! I have no love life! I’ve been single for 17 years and probably stand no chance of changing that until at least college! Haha I’m so alone! But I can live with it. Growing up an only child with a few friends means that I’m pretty good at functioning without a ton of social interaction, and, while I’d like a partner someday, I’m not desperate. I can wait until I find someone. Pretty much my goal is not to die alone.

Onto sports maybe? I played soccer for most of my life, and was always the worst player on the select team. I was too good for the normal team and not good enough for the select team (kinda like math). Soccer was really toxic, especially when you’re the worst player on a team of high school jock drug addict boys. So I quit, and started playing frisbee! It’s a lot better. The people are nicer! But my first season never happened because of COVID and now I’m in my Junior year and haven’t played much frisbee! So I kinda suck! But I’m physically fit and that’s good enough for me! On my own time I bike and run to stay in shape.

Are you still with me? Now I’m gonna talk about my hobbies and things!

I’ve been playing video games for a long time. I kinda suck at them to be totally honest. I probably have below-average reaction time, and my parents only let me play 15 minutes a day for most of my childhood, so I have a lot less practice than most of my friends. I’m pretty slick with Swain in LoL tho.

This next part is borderline shameless self-promotion, but since the Kickstarter isn’t live yet I guess it doesn’t count. I’m making a tabletop role playing game! I’ve been working on it for the past few years. My goal is to launch the Kickstarter prior to my college applications, because that’ll look sexy as fuck to potential colleges. It’s a post-apocalyptic sci-fi game where you play as supersoldiers trying to reconquer the wastelands of Earth for humanity. I’ll do a big post on it when I launch the Kickstarter, and I guess that’ll also be a full name reveal (kinda spooky since my full name is ENTIRELY unique and one-of-a-kind. More ego boost lmao).

And finally I want to talk about my art and writing. I’ll start with my drawing, and finish off with my writing, since that’s what I’d most like to be known for on here (but that’ll never happen because my caveman brain shitposts are too funny).

So I’ve been doodling for a long time. I briefly got formal art training but sacrificing my Saturday mornings to draw what someone else wanted me to make so that I could make better stuff in the future didn’t appeal to my 8-year-old brain. I draw in the margins of worksheets. I draw on random sheets of paper. Recently my parents bought me a drawing tablet, and I’ve been trying to improve at digital art. I’d say I’m getting better, but I don’t practice nearly enough. All in all my art serves its purpose. It makes people laugh and can sometimes creep people out. It’ll never go in a museum, and I’ll never make money off of it but whatever.

And finally, my writing.

How can I talk about writing without talking about reading? I’ve likely read more books than both my parents combined, and if not, it’s close (and my mom is a prolific reader too). I have three bookshelves in my room and books on every surface. You can’t follow me for long without seeing a post ranting about my latest read. I love to read and I read incredibly fast. Reading spurred my love of English class, which in turn helped me write.

And finally, we get to writing in and of itself. I’ve been writing stories since I was a little kid. I’d like to think I’ve improved a fair bit. I’m still no novelist, but I consider myself a fairly adept short story writer.

But I suppose where my writing really stems from is my bed. Every night while I’m lying in bed, I tell myself stories until I fall asleep. I work on a story until it’s done or until I get bored of it. Along the way, in the shower, on my bike, I build the world of the story, crafting the plot. Sometimes the stories are elaborate fanfictions of my latest reads. That’s probably how they started. Often, they’re unique worlds all of their own. My current writing posts are about the City of Mammon, but my current story in my head is about some vampires who hunt other vampires in Victorian England.

And now we get into the process of writing. It’s fun! I sit myself down with an idea in my head, and use all the fancy words I picked up from my books to convey the vibes I want. I honestly wouldn’t be a great writing teacher. It’s just a skill that comes naturally to me as a result of what I’ve been doing with my free time my whole life. And it’s beautiful. And every time someone compliments my writing or reblogs it, I love writing just a little bit more.

Well I guess this is it. The 100 follower special. I wonder how many of you guys will take the time out of your day to read this. Hopefully a lot!

James (or That House) signing off for the night!

<3 thanks guys

[let-it-raines]

Hey so I reallllly need a drabble of pregnant!Emma getting a message from sleazebag Neal the ex asking if she's available? And Emma's response to said shitty ex? I love you forever you lovely human 😘💕

This totally isn’t something that happened to me in real life, totally not at all. And @captainsjedi @wellhellotragic @thejollyroger-writer and @shireness-says didn’t help me come up with responses to it. Definitely not 😉

And I definitely didn’t forget to post this the night I wrote it. 

Shoutout to my husband for his responses to this in real life. lol. 

-/-

It’s a transition. That’s all.

Killian got a new job in a new city, one that’s only four hours away, but the traffic often makes commutes so much longer. Last weekend when she went to visit him in the hotel he’s staying in, she swears it took her seven hours total to get though all of the traffic. Maybe it wasn’t actually that long. Maybe it simply felt like that because words can’t even describe how much she misses him while he’s away. It’s a weird thing to be separated from her husband, especially when they got married just a little over two months ago, but Killian really wanted this job, wanted this career path, and since she wasn’t particularly tied down to her old job, moving didn’t really cause much of an issue other than having to sell the house they’re living in, find a new one in the new city, and, well, dealing with the fact that she’s four months pregnant.

(Everyone can do the math for themselves on the wedding date and the progress of the pregnancy. She doesn’t care. Neither should anyone else.)

So she spends her unemployed days packing up the house, organizing trinkets and clothes and getting rid of the junk they’ve managed to accumulate in their three years of living together. She’s found at least five pizza cutters, and a part of her wonders how in the world that happened since they usually order from Gino’s three blocks over. But whatever. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that she’s tired of boxing things up, tired of having to go out to get more packaging, and tired of trying to find something to watch on Netflix at night when usually she has a sparring partner in figuring out what they’re going to fall asleep to.

None of this is her favorite thing in the world, but then again, she’s not going to complain (too much) about not having to deal with Killian’s weird, overly organized self. She’ll deal with that when they’re unpacking and he wonders why she packed some of their plates in the same box as a few blankets.

(Obviously to protect the plates.)

Her phone buzzes from its spot on the kitchen counter, and she rises from the ground, pulling her yoga pants over the slight swell of her stomach before leaning over the counter and looking at her screen.

Holy shit. Like, holy shit times two.

Neal Cassidy: So I hear you and Jones aren’t living together anymore.

She cackles. She really does. Everything about her ex-boyfriend, who cheated on her by the way, texting her to talk to her about the supposed demise of her current relationship is absolutely hysterical. For one, her relationship is fine. She and Killian are solid. Well, there was that one time he suggested she didn’t need so many pairs of boots, but other than that, they’re fine. And they are still living together. Not currently, but it’s not as if she’s staying in this house while Killian lives in the new one in Portland.

But also, why in the world does Neal know anything about what’s currently happening in her relationship? She hasn’t talked to him in over half a decade. The fact that she still has his number is surprising even to her. And she had no idea they still had mutual friends.

God, she hopes they don’t still have mutual friends.

Taking a screenshot of the text, she sends it to Killian, no caption required. He texts back within a minute.

Killian: Damn. You gonna leave me then?

Emma: I mean, I was thinking about it.

Killian: I wouldn’t blame you. He’s such a catch texting you like that because he thinks we’re separated.

Killian: We made it two months, love. Be proud of that.

She chuckles underneath her breath, adjusting her feet and bringing her bottom lip between her teeth as her thumb hovers over her screen.

Emma: Should I text him back to mess with him?

Killian doesn’t send back any words, just a string of gifs of people eating popcorn, and she laughs again at his ridiculousness before pulling out a barstool and sitting down, switching over to Neal’s message to text him back.

Emma: Yeah, we got married, I got pregnant, and then we decided it wasn’t really right for us anymore, you know?  

Neal Cassidy: That sucks, Ems. I’m sorry about all that. You know I’m always here if you need me.

“Oh my God,” she mutters to herself in complete disbelief over the fact that she’s even having this conversation.

What does Neal think he’s getting out of this? That she’s going to go back to him? Does he not remember how their relationship ended? That he ended it? And that it’s been a long time?

And he knows that she’s pregnant, so he’s definitely not trying to talk to her to get any kind of long-term thing.

It’s just…what the hell?

Groaning, she gets up and walks toward the freezer, opening it to look for some kind of ice cream. Except they have no ice cream. Did she eat it all? Did Killian throw it out while he was here last weekend?

She’s going to kill him if he did.

And then she really won’t be living with him anymore.

Okay, that thought process got weird. She’s not actually going to murder Killian for the possibility of having thrown out her ice cream. That would be excessive. Plus, she loves him or whatever. That’s another reason to keep him around. And she really doesn’t want to be the one to have to get up in the middle of the night to get herself ice cream when she’s the size of a whale and really, desperately needs food.

Being pregnant is great. Just a grand ole time all of the time.

Sighing in defeat, she picks up her phone again, scrolling through a few more texts that Killian has sent her.

Killian: If you do text him back, you should talk about your boobs. They are bigger now than when you were with him.

Killian: I realize this is so you can feed our child one day, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate them.

Emma: You’re so weird.

Killian: I miss my wife and her breasts. It’s not that weird.

Emma: Did you throw out my ice cream?

Killian: If by throw out you mean I ate it, then yeah.

Emma: You don’t even like it.

Killian: I like the banana sunday flavor.

Emma rolls her eyes and swipes out of Killian’s messages, thumbing back through the list and clicking on Neal’s message. The guy was an asshole to her for years, broke her heart, and he’s obviously still a little sleazy. Why shouldn’t she mess with him some more?

Emma: You know, now that you say that, I really am looking for someone to get me ice cream in the middle of the night if you know what I mean.

Neal Cassidy: Oh?

Neal Cassidy: What exactly do you mean by that? 😏

Seriously? She really hopes he’s drunk because there’s no way he can be this dumb sober.

Emma: I mean that I’m over four months pregnant and sometimes I want ice cream in the middle of the night. and it would just be SO inconvenient for Killian to have to get out of bed when we have you to get me ice cream instead. So you’re really doing us a favor! Thanks so much!

This is by far the dumbest conversation she’s ever had to have, at least in the past few years, and she takes another screen shot to send to Killian, figuring he’s probably bored sitting in that hotel room by himself with an internet service that isn’t exactly fantastic. He deserves some entertainment too, even if he did eat her ice cream.

Killian: You are the greatest woman I have ever known.

Killian: I love you so bloody much.

Killian: I still think you should have talked about your boobs, but this is all good too.

She rolls her eyes once more. Her weird, charming, husband.

Neal never does text her back, obviously getting the hint, and when Killian comes home that weekend, he brings her three different pints of ice cream.

He only eats the one.

[miafic]

hello aly im dyeing my hair red rn (sorry for getting rid of the pink travis, it’ll probably be back soon!) and i’m bored as rocks waiting for it to finish processing. i’ve been meaning to ask for a while but i keep forgetting bc animal crossing but do you have any book recs? i wanna read more during quarantine but i don’t have anything i want to read!!

idk if this will be everyone’s cup of tea, but a monster calls is the book that left me just stunned. holy cow i LOVED it. it’s the book that geoff tells clara rose is the best book he’s read since he’s seen her. i thought it was going to scary, but it wasn’t at all. it was just so good. so good. some of the stuff you can see coming, but 90% of it is like WHAAAAT. at least, for me it was. geoff has read so many things that he’s a little jaded (although he’d never admit it) so he loved the twists and turns that this story took. and right off the bat, you’ll understand what drew him to it initially. (it’s the same thing that almost led him to abandon it.)

imaginary friend is so wild. that book. i could not stop. i was like, one more chapter! and then i’d read for two more hours!! it’s really long, but it’s so good. so weird. will change the way you look at me having foster au awsten call geoff “the nice man” (although that’s not intentional haha). this is written by stephen chbosky (perks of being a wallflower) but you’d never know. it’s so, so different. i went to two concerts in january, and i took pictures of a bunch of pages of the book both nights before i left so i could read between sets. that’s how good it was. hahaha.

you’ve probably seen me say aristotle and dante is good. (shoutout maddy for the rec.) if you haven’t - aristotle and dante is GOOD. like, so so so so so good. ari is everything i ever wanted to read about. he is so wonderful and the story is so nice and i really liked it ahhhh. 

if you’re looking for something lighter than the first two, zenn diagram is a good one. i thought the end was a little cheesy, but i mostly liked it. it was good for what it was. it’s about a high school girl who can feel people’s emotions if she touches their stuff. she’s really into math. i wasn’t super invested in what happened, but i had fun reading it. 

the art of feeling is about a high school girl who has is recovering from a leg injury and emotional trauma because her mom died in a car accident, and she was in the car. she meets a guy who can’t feel pain. if you read this, i’d be interested to hear what you think of the end. 

emi, i hope your hair turns out well!! travis would love to see it no matter the color haha. 

[xxsanshinexx]

The Definition of Love

Shoutout to @soulofatiny for inspiring this work

Characters: Wooyoung x Reader

Words: 5835

Summary: You only knew the textbook definition of love, but really, was that the same as the real thing?

~

Love was a thing you only knew the definition of. Categorized by the dictionary as a noun and occasionally a verb. In one sense, it was an intense feeling of deep affection. In another, it was a great interest and pleasure in something. In all these definitions though; they merely just gave love a general description, pushing the words off into another adjacent category like interest or affection. Never once did the definitions give you any insight into what love really was.

What it felt like.

It happened on your third month of eleventh grade. Students were rowdy. Teachers were starting to fully feel the nuisances that came with description of their jobs. The administration was struggling to adjust to the new characters littering the school grounds. And then there was you, avoiding all of the above as best you could. You swerved around gaggles of friends at lunch, doing your best not to get too involved with the little greetings here and there; truly you didn’t want to be bothered on your free period. There was only one place you wanted to be, the library, a place where you could truly do whatever you wanted with little restriction.

The librarian, an old woman by the name of Mrs. Yang, never seemed to pay you any mind as you sat in the back corner reading a book or dabbling on your laptop. You had gained her respect by being the only student who visited the place on the day free books were being handed out. Unlike the other students who came for the extra credit promised by their teachers, you had came for the sole purpose of getting free books. The words free and books delighted you separately and together? Well it was your absolute dream.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Yang,” You greeted as you stepped into the always cold library.

“Ah good afternoon Miss Y/n.” She smiled and turned back to the book that was splayed across her desk, “How are you today?”

“I’m good Mrs. Yang, and you?” Truly you didn’t mind talking to this woman. She was always kind and never dragged on like most of the other older people you had talked to before.

She smiled, not picking her head up from her book, “I am just splendid, dear.”

You nodded in response and began to walked to your corner, which had beanbags and books piled around it, “That’s good to here, Mrs.”

“I take it you’ll be where you always are?”

“I have nowhere else to go, Mrs. Yang.” You joked though there was a lingering pang in your heart as you flopped down onto the antique bean bag. Since the beginning of your high school experience, you had been mainly alone. Sure you knew everyone, had occasional chatter with those around you, but ultimately, it was you and your books. Everyone else was too caught up in the idea of highschool; the parties, the people, the sweetly sick love- and you just couldn’t be apart of it. It’s not as if those things didn’t interest you, or that you didn’t want to try them out at least once, it was more that those types of things never seemed to come your way. Acquaintances never invited you out, class parties never seemed to really include anyone outside of that circle, and you didn’t talk to enough people often to feel any sort of strong attachment to them.

The thoughts just made you sink a little further into the dust ridden seat. You had at least another hour until you had your next class, maybe you could catch up on homework or read a book or something. A small huff of internal annoyance left your lips as you reached into your backpack, pulling out your laptop and headphones- deciding that watching that movie for Lit would be the best option.

Who knew The Great Gatsby would be so dreadfully emotional. Having only watched barley forty minutes of the movie, you knew the rest of the film was going to do you no good. At least the entire thing was interesting, as you would later have to begin a report of the differences and similarities of the movie and book. A boring lesson that you had done a hundred times prior. You took in a deep breath and went to press play again, the eyes of DiCaprio beginning to haunt you on the screen, when a voice interrupted your actions.

“Um, excuse me?” The voice was timid and you furrowed your brows before you looked up. In front of you was a boy who made you wish you had taken a deeper breath as all the air left your lungs. You had never seen him before, you were sure of it as no one else in your grade had such angelic features and ashy hair.

You forced yourself to remember how to breathe, “I-um yeah.. Yes?”

He chuckled a little at your ragged response, the noise akin to music, “The librarian told me to come talk to you, said you had out the only copy of Billy Elliot left.”

Of course a book would be the only reason a good looking stranger would talk to you, “Oh um, yeah, sorry. Do you need it right now?”

He shrugged a little, eyes wandering over your lazy form squished into the bean bag, “Just soon. I need it by break so that I can do the assignment.”

“It’s no problem, you can have it.” You said, reaching forward into your backpack. Billy Elliot had been an interesting book, and while you hadn’t entirely finished it, you didn’t have the heart to deny him it, “I’m almost done anyways and the ending was already spoiled-”

“Keep it.” He suddenly said and you couldn’t help but frown.

“I’m sorry? I-I thought you wanted to read it-” He waved his hand and you stopped your words.

“I want to make a deal with you instead?” His voice sounded unsure at the proposal, like he was still sifting through its agreements.

“A… a deal?”

He nodded his head, as if he agreed with your words. “Yeah a deal, you keep the book but I get to hang out here with you while I read it.”

The proposition made your face grow red, and you fumbled to find the right words for a second. “What.. W-Why in the world would you want to hang out here? And you don’t even know my name.”

“Yeah I do, the librarian told me it’s Y/n.” The cocky smirk made you roll your eyes.

“Okay fine, I don’t know your name.”

“It’s Wooyoung, you could have just asked,” A small smile spread across his lips at how flustered you were, “So deal or no deal?”

“It’s a deal…”The words felt funny coming off of your lips, “i guess.”

“Sweet!” He cheered and flopped down in the bean bag adjacent to yours, his shoulder nudging against your own as he made himself comfortable. His proximity made a set of fresh nerves cloud your system. You hadn’t really been this close to anyone, much less a cute stranger, in a long time.

“Am i that exciting?” You turned your head slightly, just so you could see his head laying back lazily against the torn blue leather. The sight sent a weird, racing feeling into your stomach.

“You seem interesting Y/n, I mean your hanging out in a deserted library watching- is that Leonardo DiCaprio?” He eyes trailed from yours to Leo’s, the actor seeming to captivate the boy who couldn’t seem to keep his mind on track.

“You were saying, Wooyoung?” You smiled a little at his behavior. He was rather interesting.

He shook his head and forced himself to turn away from the screen, joyful eyes looking up to meet yours. “Oh yeah! You’re watching DiCaprio, slumped in a bean bag with literally no one around you. That makes you interesting to me.”

“Thanks.. I guess?” You laughed a little, having never been complimented as “interesting” by anyone before. It was all rather surreal and you couldn’t decide if you were dreaming; knowing how often you found yourself trapped between the world of books and ideas.

“It’s a compliment, I don’t find a lot of people interesting Y/n.” He smiled up at you and it seemed as though time stopped for a few seconds. An electric feeling coursed through you at the happiness he held in his toothy smile, especially since all of his emotions seemed directed towards you. That odd feeling in your stomach shocked you a little, leaving you tingling from head to toe. You were sure if you looked the hairs on your arms would have been standing straight up. It didn’t make sense, the feeling of excitement he gave you, it didn’t add up or match with any of the things you had read or learned. Maybe it wasn’t a thing you had learned yet, or seen in some book; no boyish smile could make your heart dance so fantastically.

And if it weren’t for the bell that snapped you from your thoughts, you might have realized what you felt was the beginning of the definition for love.

And damn, did that small kindle of love grow as you learned more about Wooyoung than just his name.

“Y/n!” The boy who made your heart race in funny ways yelled, bounding through the sea of students to get to your side. Ever since your initial meeting, you had noticed Wooyoung a lot more around campus and in your classes. Apparently you did have him in your history class as well as math; with him sitting in the back and you always in the front row. You had no idea how you had missed a boy like Wooyoung in your classes, but you just blamed it on the fact that you were never very observant of the people; focusing more on the material than anything.

Now though, you could never miss Wooyoung. In little less than a month of knowing him you could already spot his head in a crowd, his brash laughter amongst ceaseless chatter, and his voice in a loud room. It was odd how attached to him you were already, though the attachment was certainly not one sided.

“Hi Wooyoung,” You gave him a little smile as he slowed to a stop besides you, a giant grin on his face.

“Do you think you passed the math test?” His first words were breathless, but there was still that hint of enjoyment in eyes as nervousness seeped into his tone, “I sure don’t think I did. Might have to just pull some of my charms out on the teacher.”

You scoffed as you turned into the hallways that would lead to the main exit of the school, “You can’t seduce your math teacher to give you a better grade.”

“What? Don’t think a married man like Mr. Creed would like a fine ass person like myself?” He gestured to all of him and you rolled your eyes, fighting the stupid blush that always wanted to appear on your cheeks whenever he brought his features to the spotlight. Him and his dumb grin always made you feel such sparks across your skin.

“Truly his loss,” You sighed, playing into his fantasy, as you came to a stop on the main steps of your school, “but no, I don’t think you’ll be able to seduce a 60 year old man to change your C to a B.”

“Bummer, I really didn’t want to have to study.” He pouted and turned to you, smiling at the amusement that laced your eyes. Wooyoung was always just so fun to watch and listen to. You always found yourself giving him your full attention no matter the topic, for he always was just so animated in whatever he did.

You shook your head at his antics, “So what are you going to do instead of studying?”

“Ice cream.”

“Ice cream?”

“Yeah, ice cream.” He nodded and reached out to grab your wrist, the area exploding in a sensation of pricks and tingles, “How about it? I’ll even pay.”

You fought the feeling his light hold had on your hand, and mustered up a little smirk, “You had me at you’ll pay.”

“That’s the last thing I said!” He laughed but nonetheless began to tug you in the direction of whatever ice cream shop he dearly wanted. It wasn’t the first time Wooyoung had tried to drag you off on an after school adventure. The first time was only a week after you had met each other and he profusely whined that he had no one to go get pizza with, and you just couldn’t say no to his pout. You knew he had other friends, like the 12th grader Yunho and the 10th grader Jongho, yet he always made time for just you. A part of you wanted to feel touched that he always gave you the time of day and the other part told you that’s how friendships worked.

The shop was only a block from campus, it’s vibrant colors almost visible from the steps of school. You had only been here a few times before but you remembered how nice it was. The smell of sweets wafting through the interior and the pleasant songs reverberating against the walls. Wooyoung pulled you towards the door where a smiling ice cream cone was plastered against the glass.

“What kind of ice cream do you want?” He asked as he pulled you to stand in the little line that had formed. You were surprised this place wasn’t busier despite school being out.

“Um I don’t know?” You mumbled looking over the array of potential choices, “Everything looks good. Maybe just like vanilla or something though?”

“That’s pretty basic Y/n.”

“Oh I’m sorry what are you getting mr. exciting?”

“Strawberry but maybe cake batter, maybe both if I have enough money.” He grinned and pulled you in front of the case, to get your orders taken by the unhappy college student. You had ended up with something simple, mainly due to the fact that there was just too many flavors to choose from and you wanted more toppings than actual ice cream. Wooyoung, however, had gotten enough ice cream to feed a small family and enough toppings you weren’t sure what happened to all the dessert underneath it all.

“Don’t you think you went a little...overboard?” You pointed at the mountain of whip cream atop his dessert. You were sure you could see it swaying in the light breeze outside the shop.

Wooyoung chuckled a little and picked at the cream with his spoon, “Come on, they gave me a discount!”

“Cause you bought out half the supplies!” You argued, taking a bite of your own ice cream.

“Just means I’m a good customer,” He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

“Just means you don’t know how to spend your money.”

“Are you jealous of all the stuff I got?” He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down as he lifted up a spoon of pure whipped cream.

You huffed and looked down, swirling your plain vanilla with your spoon, “Nope, not at all.”

“Sounds like you are.”

“I am not-” You shook your head and looked up, only for a small handful of whip cream to come in contact with your eyes and nose. You let out a squeak at the sudden feeling and scrunched your face up at how cold it all was. And you knew your culprit immediately by the way his laugh resonated with your ears, “Wooyoung!”

He just continued laughing, loud and abashed, as you wiped away the mess from your eyes. You could see him, his head tilted back and his mouth wide open emitting a noise akin to music. There was such a light to him in that moment that you couldn’t help but begin to feel giddy as well. Usually you would have been pissed that someone had just thrown their food in your face, but you couldn’t be mad at Wooyoung. He was so happy about his harmless prank that it almost didn’t feel fair to take away the victory from him.

“Thanks a lot, Wooyoung,” You shook your head, fighting the smile on your face, as you tried to flick some of the whipped cream in his direction. And it worked, with the little cloud of white finding its mark on his nose and splattering across his cheeks. He let out a shrill shriek of surprise, no doubt startling others around you, as he stiffened up in his seat at the contact with the cold topping.

He pouted as he made contact with your sheepish eyes, “I guess I deserved that.”

“You think?” You laughed and he couldn’t help but mirror your actions until the both of you were but a mess of laughing teenagers, dessert toppings covering your face and happy tears leaking from the corner of your eyes. It had been awhile since you had laughed so heartily with someone, so purely, without a single care in the world.

Wooyoung was the first to settle down, “You’re a mess.”

You scoffed at his statement, “You’re not much better.” He grinned at the lazy retort and you felt time stop once again. The smile was radiant, like the sun above had kissed it with light. You knew Wooyoung had a pretty smile, you knew Wooyoung was pretty; but something about that moment felt so different. The way his lips twitched up in pure bliss, his eyes were alight with that life you yearned for, and his whole body seemed to exude a sense of joy that was hard to come by- it made you stop and wished you could have taken a picture. With the splatter of whipped cream coating his nose and cheeks, it was a moment of perfection and one that made your heart beat in unknown rhythm, made your stomach fumble with an emotion you weren’t sure of. All you knew was that you wanted to stay in this moment for a little longer.

Wooyoung’s smile softened a little as he stared at you, and he reached forward to hand you the array of napkins on the table, “Here.”

You gave him a faint smile as you took the napkins from him, to clean up the mess he had made of you externally, ignoring the tickling feeling that soared up your arms as you lightly made contact with his hand, “Thanks.”

But a couple of napkins couldn’t clean up the mess of your heart, your mind, your body- the mess of you he was making with his dumb smile, his pretty eyes, the life that surrounded him. The way he was making you feel so spectacular despite barley knowing him.

It wasn’t for a few more days that you got your answer to the feelings that seemed to only come out around him.

“Good morning class!” Mrs. Choi greeted as the bell rang and all the students shuffled into their seats. You had already been there minutes before the bell rang, glued to your seat in the back as you read through your previous lecture notes. Mrs. Choi was a great teacher yes, but Psychology was but a broad topic and you always had to review, “Today we will be switching gears from bad to good.”

“Bad to good?” A student from the front pipped up as Mrs. Choi flicked on the PowerPoint presentation, the colors on it a bright contrast to the rather monotone room.

“Yes from bad to good. We’ve been focusing on the negative reactions certain things have on the brain and body and I think we need to get into a little more light hearted topic before you all leave for break,” She reasoned and gestured to the display, which now read “positive emotions” in white bolded letters. “We’ve been talking a lot on how anger affects the body and how sadness can make you do incredible things-” She talked as she sat down on the table in the front, eyes scanning the room of students who were skillfully note taking, “-and now it’s time to talk about how good emotions affect the body, like happiness. Now, can anyone tell me something that would make them very happy?”

“Winning the lottery?”

“Money?”

“My family?”

Mrs Choi nodded along at the suggestions, “While some of your ideas of things that cause happiness are very.. Material, substantial things such as people or life achievements cause a great deal of happiness.”

“So like passing a test you studied for or coming in first for something?” Mrs. Choi gave a nod at the question.

“Yes, with things like that we are much more susceptible to long term happiness rather than with things such as the lottery or money. Could anyone give me a noun, and technically a verb, that many humans consider holding a lot of happiness?” You frowned at her crude question as well as the rest of the class. There were too many things that could cause a lot of happiness, and that would probably have to do with the perspective of the person in question as well.

“You all are looking at me like you’ve never experienced this!” She laughed and changed the slide, pointing to the one word in the center, “Love is what many consider to be the peak of happiness. I’m sure many of you have experienced such a thing once in your life.” Your eyebrows furrowed as her knowing smile. Sure, you knew you were loved and you were loved by some, but you weren’t sure you would have considered that peak happiness. You felt happier that day at the ice cream shop with Wooyoung, than you did when you were around your parents most of the time.

Mrs. Choi smiled at the students giving her funny looks, “I know what you all are thinking, I’m not incredibly happy with my parents? My siblings don’t give me that peak feeling of happiness? Mrs. Choi you’ve lost your mind!” She stood up from her spot on the table and began to walk around as she talked, “It’s good that your mind first went to your parents and family members; however, that’s not the type of love I was initially talking about. The Ancient Greeks had love separated by family, romance, friendship and the love for humans. We call these storge, eros, philia, and agape respectively. The one that tends to invoke the highest feeling of happiness is Eros, the feeling of romantic love.” Her words settled with you oddly as you wrote it down without question, “Eros is the feeling most of you will experience in full during your years here. How many of you have feelings you can’t explain when you’re around someone? That sinking in your stomach? The flutter of her heart? The joyous feeling you get when around that one person”

You couldn’t help but gulp when she spoke. She was asking all the questions you had been asking yourself. “These feelings have multiple meanings, yes, but they all have one distinct connection-” Your phone buzzed quietly on your desk, and you looked over to see Wooyoung’s silly contact picture hovering above the meme he had just sent you. A small smile made it’s way onto your face, and that fluttering feeling sank into your bones, as you turned back into your teachers words. “-They all have a distinct connection, and that connection is love.”

It was as if a jolt had gone through you, casted straight from the heavens above as her words went through your head. Love. It made your stomach sink… it made your heart flutter… it's what made you feel so giddy. The pieces seemed to fall into place as you looked down at the profile picture on your lockscreen, the name seeming to ring in your ears without even haven been spoken, and you swallowed thickly at the realization.

Wooyoung made you feel all the things connected to love.

You were in love with Wooyoung.

“Most of the time we do not realize it until odd, simple moments. Yet, such love has the greatest effect on our minds and bodies.” Mrs. Choi’s voice lingered in your head as you continued to gape down at your phone, heart now beating wildly at the realization that set your bones on fire, “Love is but a very funny thing.”

Love was but a funny thing indeed.

A thing that made your heart race and your breathing become erratic as the bell rang signalling lunch. Everyone in your class rushed to the door but you took your time to pack up, trying to calm yourself from the inside out. Now that you had a title for all the emotions and feelings, everything made so much more sense. You just didn’t think the realization of such a pure thing would make you have trouble breathing.

You stumbled out of the classroom door and let out a sigh of relief when you didn’t see Wooyoung right outside of the door. At least you were granted a few moments to get your heartbeat back to normal. You slowly began to walk towards the library, praying to whatever Gods above that the knots in your stomach would go away before you reached your little corner. There was no doubt in your mind that Wooyoung would already be there, with snacks for the both of you, sitting on the bean bags in the back corner that no one ever bothered.

And you were right, noticing as soon as you walked through the library’s doors, that Wooyoung was stretched out across to bean bags, his phone high in the air above him. No doubt he was scouting out the latest meme or TikTok, a thing he had failed to try and get you into. You walked over to him trying your best to project a facade of normality, especially as he turned and flashed you that bright smile you had come to adore.

“Y/n! Did you get that meme I sent you?” He said sitting up so that you could sit on the second chair that he was previously lounging on.

You took your spot with a small smile, doing your best to not show any other emotions except mild amusement, “Of course. It almost got me in trouble in Psyc.”

Wooyoung gave a little chuckle but there was a glint that came into his eyes at your words and it worried you, “Mrs. Choi didn’t take your phone?”

“She loves me too much to do that,” You rolled your eyes but at the mention of that damned word your heart sped up erratically again, your stomach knotted and your ears roared. The close proximity between you and Wooyoung became all too prominent and you flopped back into the seat, hoping maybe the jolt would shock your body enough to stop the feelings that had ahold of you.

Wooyoung raised an eye at your behavior as he sunk into the seat next you, head tilted so he could stare at your face. Even if the pair of you had only been close friends for a month, he could read you like an open book. He knew the second you walked into the library that something was bothering you; with the way your lips were in a tight line and your left hand was shaking uncharacteristically. He knew you were bad at hiding your emotions despite what you and others believed.

“I’m sure she did,” His voice dropped in volume and you closed your eyes to resist looking over at him, knowing that that intoxicating feeling would overtake you again. You hadn’t decided if you liked it, the tingling and the sparks, even if they always followed you around when you were with one of your favorite things. You just couldn’t really believe you had fallen in love and you didn’t know if you wanted any of the repercussions that came with it.

“Y/n.” Wooyoung’s voice finally registered in your mind and you nodded in acknowledgment.

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong.” He said it like no question and you refrained from sighing. Of course Wooyoung would know something was up immediately.

“Nothing.”

He scoffed and turned on his side, giving you his full attention and you couldn’t help but glance over to his captivating eyes. They were entirely full of worry, “Don’t lie to me Y/n… just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just… I learned something today,” You managed, tearing your eyes away from his as he cocked his head to the side. There was a roaring in your ears as you spoke and a sinking in your gut; but something wanted you to just tell him your epiphany. A part of you wanted to sing it to the world and it took every ounce of willpower not to just say it. You knew, internally, you just wanted to say it. Maybe than the dumb butterflies would leave your stomach.

“You seem pretty shook about it? What’d you learn about? A war or something?” He continually questioned and leaned his head down, hair brushing against your shoulder and your lips tightened into a straight line at the tingling contact.

“No… um it’s a.. It's something about myself.” You stuttered out, eyes wandering to your fingers in your lap, running your fingertips over your nails to try and ease your nervousness. You could feel your body tightening, in your back, in your arms and legs, all due to this odd stress that had been thrown upon your body as soon as Wooyoung laid his head against your shoulder.

“What is it than?” You could feel his breath against you shoulder as he pulled your hands away from one another, fearful you would somehow find a way to rip off your own finger. He had never seen you so fidgety, so nervous; and he had been with you the day you had a giant history presentation.

The way his fingers curled around you hand softly made your mind draw a blank, as your stupid heartbeat picked up into a sprint. You could only focus on the way his thumb softly drew circled on your knuckles, a thing you had told him you did to calm yourself down. You watched him, drawing shapes on the back of your hand gently, and spoke the first cohesive sentence you could form. “In psych they… we were talking about that feeling of butterflies... and electric jolts and such...and how… how i-it can mean your in love.”

He laughed a little and squeezed your hand in his own, that once unknown feeling encompassing your figure tenfold, as his words came out in a coy tone, “How’s that a bad thing?”

“Because I feel it all when i’m around you.”

You just had to say it. Maybe it was the way his tone made you jolt with energy or how carefully he caressed the skin of your hand. Maybe it was just the fact that with every second your mind kept screaming to tell him everything. It was the fact that all your nervousness seemed to fade, the stress that was weighing on your body, all faded into background noise at your words and you felt so much better.

Wooyoung’s quiet laughter made you furrow your brows in confusion, especially as he spoke in a light hearted tone, “Your confession was a lot more poetic than mine was going to be.”

“What?” You were thoroughly dumbstruck at his words and you could feel his smile grow against your shoulder.

“I was going to tell you today too, but it was going to be through some dumb meme… i’m glad i waited.”

“Wait.. you.. You...me?” You stuttered, getting frustrated with your brain as you tried to form an understandable sentence.

Wooyoung just laughed and lifted up a little, so you two could make eye contact as he spoke, a new seriousness in his gaze,  “I get those same, stupid butterflies when I’m around you too, Y/n.”

You could only stare at him as you croaked out, wonder-struck by the whole situation, “When?”

He smiled at you, a whole other look of fondness on his face, “Our little ice cream date. Not just anyone will let me pelt them with dessert toppings and let me live.”

“Dumbass,” You mumbled but a little grin grew on your face, as well as a blush as you pulled up your hands to cover your face. Wooyoung reluctantly let go of your hand and instead watched as color rushed to your face, and he could tell it was due to excitement rather than embarrassment.

He reached out and cupped the side of your face, a new sense of confidence taking hold of him, and brushed down your hand so you could see his smiling face, “Yeah, but I want to be your dumbass.”

“My dumbass?” You voice was quiet and questioning, because you couldn’t believe the way his smile was making you giddy or how you really just wanted to reach out and hold his hand. Or the major fact that he wanted to be with you. You believe that was the real reason to why you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

He laughed, hot breath fanning against your face, as he stroked your cheek with his thumb, “Yeah, your dumbass. So… is it gonna be a yes or no?”

A smile grew on your face, as his fingers trailed over your skin leaving a trail tingling sensations, “Yeah…. Yes you can be my dumbass.”

For once in your life, Wooyoung looked bashful at your acceptance. A timid smile grew on his lips as he retracted his hand from your face and moved it to encase your own, fingers intertwining almost like it was second nature for them. His voice was wavering a little as a spoke, “Can.. can we finish up that Billy Elliot movie?”

“That’s the question you ask next?” You laughed a little and leaned back into your seat, training your eyes to take in all that was Wooyoung. His ashy hair always styled neatly, a smile that left you feeling woozy, and eyes alight with a life that made you want to stare at them all day. Adding all of his physical features with his personality; one of childlike playfulness and a caring only found in the most compassionate people, it made sense. It was no surprise, you thought as you looked at him taking in the curve of his shy smile, that every little thing he did made your heart race, your stomach knot, and your bones alight with a newfound sensation. You smiled a little at his new timid nature and squeezed his hand a little tighter, enjoying the feeling, “But yeah… we definitely can.”

You now knew the definition of love.

And it was everything Wooyoung was.

[polygarnstars]

part 1: 4, 12, 15, 18, and 19

If you think I’m going to have common sense and not answer all of these in a single post, I have Bad News lmao

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Smart, mostly. “Gifted”. This very much Did Not Last lmaoooo

12. name of your favorite playlist? I literally never make playlists I’m a stupid fuck who uses their spotify premium to skip freely through all my thousands of liked songs on shuffle until I find something I want to listen to lmaooooo (Having said that: Rey and I put together a playlist for some characters we were entering a contest to win last fall which I titled Story and Song after the TAZ arc and also because we wrote Way Too Much for it and I’m Very Proud Of That)

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? Okay upon reading this I initially genuinely couldn’t remember any of the books I read in school because for the last several years of my schooling I just fuckin Sparknotes and TV Tropes-ed everything lmao... having said that, I do remember enjoying Maus! It was neat having a graphic novel assigned amongst all the “literary classics” that I couldn’t sit through a sitting of without falling asleep, and it may be the furry in me but the depiction of the characters/people as animals was Good :0c See, if all history was depicted with methods like this, I’d maybe actually be able to remember it ghfdjhgjfkdl

18. ideal weather? Depends on the day, but generally: Between like 65-80°F, not humid, not a lot of wind, and either sunny, partly cloudy, or drizzly but not outright storming. Basically decent temperatures without feeling like I’m walking through soup because of the humidity and weather that’s not completely gray and boring. Aka what Maine basically never is lmaoooo

19. sleeping position? I change positions every five minutes I swear to god (don’t take that out of context gfhdjbhvjd). Usually with at least one arm draped over a pillow that is Definitely Not Being Mentally Portrayed As A Character I Like To Supplement The Fact That I Did Not Get Enough Affection To Be A Functional Adult As A Child ghfdjknbhgfjdk

21. obsession from childhood? bold of you to assume i don’t still obsess over nintendo games (and just video games in general tbh)

23. strange habits? OKAY I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING FOR THIS AT FIRST BUT I HAVE ONE NOW: MIDNIGHT FRIES

28. five songs to describe you? Speeding - LightsDaydreaming - ParamoreMusic - Mystery SkullsNo Lullaby - SIAMÉSLonely Dance - Set If Off+Bonus because it came up on Spotify while I was shuffling for songs for this and it’s a Mood: Pineapples Do Not Belong on a Pizza - Vargskelethor

29. best way to bond with you? I don’t know I usually just scream about ocs or video games with people and suddenly it’s been a year??? @riskreyes how has it been a year since we started talking but also how has it only been a year??? Wild bvhfdjkbhvgfjdk

30. places that you find sacred? Lmao I’ve never had anywhere like that really. Need a goddamn lock on my door :p I guess... the woods by my house? As a little kid before things got shitty my neighbor’s cousin or niece or something would go out there wandering around catching frogs and stuff in the spring or almost falling into the frozen streams during winter. When things started to go to shit in my life as a teenager I would hide out there to get away and nobody would find me. I haven’t been recently but the last time I did my friend and I walked along the train tracks and dove off into the woods by the side to avoid the amtrak coming by, it was great lmao. Uhh, other than that... I dunno, Boston and New York and New London all make me feel good to visit. Probably mostly because during those trips I don’t feel trapped in a dying land like Maine feels like bgvhfdjkhvgfjd

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? ......my entire wardrobe is my work outfit, excessive graphic tees, and jeans. So uhh... I dunno. I guess my NWTB shirts are pretty rad, I’d kick a dude’s ass wearing Nate’s merch

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? if i have to see another ad for some fuckin branch of the us military while i’m just out here trying to watch people play video games i swear to god-

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Oh boy I don’t know how weird these are but do you want a list??? I can give you a list hang on- In 4th grade we had a day of class where we all just had a party and ate chips and salsa and stuff because the pats won the super bowl and our teacher was Obsessed- In middle school my math class started working out of college textbooks, which is a bit much when you’re 11, advanced classes or no. Yet somehow none of the other students had any problems with this- Also in middle school, the school counselor really wasn’t very Good at his job so I usually just ended up playing Rock Band in his office instead of talking out any of my Many, Many Problems. I played the drums, for the record- Also in middle school, one time I straight up fell down a flight of stairs? Like, a full flight of stairs. Fuckin somersaulting down the stairs. The binder I was carrying broke open, papers went everywhere, my arm got cut open somewhere along the way and started bleeding. I get to the bottom, the other students are staring at me in horror, aforementioned counselor fuckin steps out of his office which is, of course, right at the bottom of the stairs, all concerned because what the fuck a kid just fell down the stairs, right? And so I, laying on the floor disoriented and laughing, declare, and I quote: “That was fun, let’s do it again!”- THE MOTHERFUCKING MAC AND CHEESE MUFFINS IN HIGH SCHOOL. Macaroni and cheese baked into the sweet batter of a muffin. I refused to touch the stuff but a friend of my did and it was bad enough he had to go to the trash can and fucking empty his stomach in it.- SAID FRIEND ALSO MANAGED TO GET A CARTON OF MILK THAT EXPIRED A MONTH BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED AT THE START OF ONE OF OUR YEARS IN HIGH SCHOOL and if I didn’t trust cafeteria food before that sealed the deal on me Never Trusting It Again- OH BUT SPEAKING OF CAFETERIA FOOD one time in the old school before the renovation, in like freshman year I think? I laughed so hard a piece of spicy chicken strip flew up my windpipe and got stuck in my nose and it was too big for me to snort out so I had to suck it back down and for the rest of the day all I could smell was burning- ON ANOTHER FOOD RELATED TOPIC down in the library I was on my iPad and 3DS because I had Long Since Given Up On School and some asshole dudes threw a rotting orange at me and it splattered all over the screens of both? So I picked up the remains and chucked it back at them and yelled “Do you wanna fucking NOT?” and they all ran off. The librarian heard me yell and saw me throw the orange back at them and she just didn’t give a fuck lmao- The librarians at my school were cool as shit really during one of our years we had to do x hours of volunteer work so I did some adjustments to the library catalogue for mine but the thing is I was fast enough at it that there really wasn’t enough to fill up my required hours so instead of giving me more to do they just sort of let me and my friends hang out playing Yu-Gi-Oh and called that good lmao. (For the record I only had one starter deck so I let my friend pick half of the cards and I would use the half she didn’t want. I managed to fuckin WRECK her with throwaways it was Iconicque)- OKAY ONE LAST LIBRARY STORY on the last day of finals I was hanging out in one of the smart tv rooms in the library right? My last finals weren’t for a few hours and lord knows I wasn’t gonna study, ADHD ass couldn’t do that and I’d already given up on school lmao. So I fucking... I brought my Wii U to school, hooked it up to the smart tv, and just started playing Splatoon there in the library. One of the librarians walked past to check on everyone, stopped at my room, watched me play for a minute (I noticed her and just sort of nodded and waved like ‘Sup’ so she Knew what was going on), and then just LEFT. Like, she didn’t give a fuck. Shoutout to the librarians, the Chillest- ALRIGHT LAST STORY LAST STORY I straight up never got all the credits I needed to graduate lmao. I was missing half a credit but they let me go anyway and to this day I cite the reason as being my high scores on the SAT/PSAT? I was the first student at the school in like, a decade, to have gotten an award from the National Merit Scholarship Corporation for my performance on them, and I guess they must have thought that me failing to graduate on time would look bad on them because, uh, yeah, it would, if people found out their teachers couldn’t handle a ~smart kid~ to the point that they did poorly enough to not even graduate with the rest of their class nobody would be willing to send their kids there lmao. And that’s the story of how I graduated when I wasn’t technically supposed to!!!

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? That’s a good fuckin question hey shit memory what was that thing that made us laugh so hard we couldn’t breathe again?...Don’t remember? Yeah I thought so lmaoI dunno, probably a joke in some let’s play? Or... god. Now that I think about it was probably the Slicer of T’pire Weir Isles moment actually. Holy shit, that was good.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? That I’ve ever tried? Jesus, I dunno, I have issues with texture more than flavor. I Refuse to eat my mother’s stuffing because it’s literally just soggy ass bread. In terms of pure flavor alone? Her shepherds pie. It’s just... there is no flavor. It’s like eating cardboard. I’m begging you, De, use seasoning. If I ever have to eat shepherds pie that just tastes like tin from canned peas and vague hints of unseasoned beef again I’m going to go on a murderous rampage.That said? F in the chat to Cameron for that mac and cheese muffin. Rest in pieces

73. favorite weird flavor combo? GVFHDJBVDN JUST GONNA MAKE ME SHARE THE DILL PICKLE/CHOCOLATE PUDDING PACK COMBO FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE HUH

93. nicknames? Gar, Garn, Lane, Bill, Master, Pants, Shortpants. The first three are self-explanatory, first two are shortenings of my name and then my masc/surname. The latter four come from usernames of mine - Bill from Bill Ciforce (If you stack a Bill Cipher on top of two other Bill Ciphers, you get the Ciforce), Master, Pants, and Shortpants from MasterShortpants in reference to one of Link’s nicknames in Skyward Sword

95. favorite app on your phone? Does the internet app count? No? Lmao. Spotify I guess :p Need me some Tunes

[the-madame21]

Ayato Sleeping Vampire

So shoutout to all the asks I’ve been getting, you guys gave me the mojo to finish this haha! My translations are by no means uhh good? So please take everything with a grain of salt. I do this for my own comprehension benefits. Yikes my Japanese was rusty as hell lol. Time to get back in the game though! Enjoy!

-black screen-

Tch...Oi, wake up, Chichinashi.

If I attack like usual then it should be fine.

I don’t mean I’m hungry.

I came all the way to your room to play, so why are you sleeping?

Seriously, open your eyes. It’s no fun in you’re not awake.

Hey, look at me!

What is this. Do you think such a fake way of sleeping is going to keep me away?

Heheh. Well, if you want to play like that, then I can play along...

If you’re unresponsive, then I can do anything I want, right?

Nn….touching you in the places you don’t like is fun, but...

For the current you, anything I do will end up being a reward for you.

You’ve already gotten used to it. You’re much scarier.

Making a face like you don’t know anything, you can’t deny my fangs.

Rather than denying my fangs...you’ve already accepted them.

...really. That’s why it’s so much fun.

By the way, these days, I haven’t seen your face filled with fear.

Even your pain filled face, it changes quickly. (into pleasure)

And your eyes getting all glazed over...well, that’s not so bad, is it?

Hahaha. I’m not gonna let you say it doesn’t happen.

I’m talking about that face you make that’s inviting for men.

You understand, right?

...

Tch...how much longer are you going to continue to fake sleep for?

Well fine, why not? If it’s like this then I’ll do whatever I want.

Ore-sama wants to see a face that’s filled with something more than just pleasure.

I want it frightened by terror and with your shoulders shaking.

Painful, and difficult, it’d be good watching you cry senseless.

And then after you’ve run out of tears, seeing your eyes filled with despair would also be good.

Aah...it’s been a while since I’ve seen that.

Hey...isn’t it fine?

….tch.

Oi, Chichinashi! This is the part where you suddenly wake up.

What’s with that reaction. It’s annoying.

Since it’s come to this, I really will do it.

Because my fangs are already so excited.

I’ll do something else….hahaha.

You think you’ve been through so much.

That’s only a part of it.

I can give you pain you’ve never tasted before.

To see if you can bear it...I’ll give it a try.

Hahaha...you’re wrinkling your eyebrows.

Even if you tense up like that, what hurts will hurt and what’s painful will be painful.

Don’t regret it.

*kiss*

-opens eyes, Ayato appears on screen-

Pfft...that face! With your eyes open, what’s up? Heheh…*kiss*

Have you finally woken up?

Oi! Don’t push the one that woke you up!

Haha...isn’t your face a bit too red?

What do you mean?...it was a kiss.

-happy fang filled smile-

I don’t know what you’re not getting but..you liked it, right?

After kissing, you made a totally entranced face, you know?

Well, it was a kiss from Ore-sama. It’s only natural you’d make such a face.

Still...even though I kissed you, don’t go resisting.

Oh...or did you think I was going to do something more intense?

Hey...what were you imagining behind closed eyes?

You heard me. Say it.

Did you think I was going to do something even more amazing?

Heheheh. Oi, so what is it?

Even if you deny it, your true emotions have already been exposed.

Did you imagine it? The sort of horrible things I would do to you?

Hey...was a kiss not enough?

Hahaha...honestly, shut up, don’t get angry.

Even though you were sleeping soundly, you sure opened your eyes fast.

It’ll be a hundred million years before you can defy me.

Stop? *scoffs* Do you think you can say such a thing?

Ore-sama is hurt. Because you tried to trick me, didn’t you?

Why were you pretending to sleep?

Huh? You were really asleep?

Are you stupid? I don’t want to hear your excuses.

...why are you trying to back away. Don’t do that without my permission.

Hah? It’s normal to attack you while you’re asleep. What are you saying now?

Stu--pid. I don’t care whether you’re sleepy or not.

Why are you so sleepy in the first place...tch. Are you hiding something from Ore-sama?

Could it be...you haven’t been bitten by one of the others?

Knowing what will happen if someone else sucks your blood...but that’s not it?

You were studying up until recently...it takes you that long?

Well, something like that doesn’t matter to Ore-sama at all….

Are they related…? Homework? A collection of math problems...I don’t know.

First of all I don’t even know what the problems are.

An English quiz? I don’t know about that either.

Why…? Because I was asleep during class, so I don’t remember.

Both English and math problems are like chanting a spell. It’s normal to get sleepy while listening to them drone on.

Ha?? There’s no need to take notes of such things.

There’s no need to do that. If I do need it, I’ll take it (the notes) from you.

Shut up! Even though you’re just Chichinashi, don’t talk like you’re so high up.

Sleeping or not, it doesn’t really matter.

I don’t make a hobby of sitting and listening to boring lessons like you.

Ha? There’s a test next week? That’s the first I’ve heard of it…

Haa?! Shut up! I’m not gonna worry over such a small thing.

Eh? Are you worried about me passing second-year?

Ah, that’s right. You’ll be the one that’s troubled if we’re not in the same class.

Huh? You will be troubled, won’t you?

For example, at the times when you want me to suck your blood so much that it’s unbearable.

I won’t be able to provide you with that.

Heheh...what’s with that? There’s been times when you’ve wanted it.  

“I want to be pierced by Ayato-kun’s fangs.”  

Even if you don’t say it, it’s written on your face.

Heheh. That’s what it looks like.

For example...ah that’s right. At the end of yesterday’s class you were spacing out, weren’t you!

No, I remember. You were making a face that looked like you were about to drool.

That...were you thinking about me?

Don’t lie!

So then why were you making that kind of face?

Even though you were the one who told me not to sleep during class.

You weren’t going to say that you were just sleepy and yawning, were you?

What is that, eh?

Since you’re not saying anything, you really do accept it.

Even though we were in class, what were you thinking about? Go on, tell me.

What part of Ore-sama were you thinking about? Anything is good.

Shut up! Even if it was a star or something it doesn’t matter.

Answer me! You like these fangs? Or…

-black screen-

*licks*

This tongue?

-Ayato again-

Heheheh….you, like being licked, don’t you?

Hey, is it really that nice? Getting licked...heheh.

Ah, it depends on the place I’m licking? Well, I already know all of the good spots.

You like being licked more than being touched, right? So, how is it?

If you don’t answer quickly, the number of questions will increase.

With your face all red, it’s for your own good to answer honestly.

...heheh. So say it obediently from the beginning that you like it.

Well, I already knew it. That you like me so much you can’t hold back.

Heheh...you’re the one that confessed.

You like being licked by this tongue of mine, don’t you?

Heheheh. You’ve already gotten used to this taste.

Of course I mean the taste of being played with like this.

Ha…? Oi, what did you just say?

Eh, do you think you can say you don’t like Ore-sama?

Saying such awful things...you’re a horrible woman.

Even though I’m trying to please you?

What, do you have any complaints?

Ehh...that’s some nice courage. Talking back to Ore-sama, you won’t get away with something like that.

What am I gonna do with you…

For the time being, I’m gonna drag you out of this fluffy bed.

How about we go to the torture room? It’s been a while. I’m not gonna let you say you forgot (everything we’ve done there).

Heheh. Once you thought of that, you’re completely awake now.

Shut up. You don’t have to go to sleep.

I’m telling you I’m going to be with you. You should be honored.

Ah? As if I care that there’s school tomorrow.

If you’re sleepy then just go to sleep and skip school, eh?

What do you mean you’re going to go even though Ore-sama is still asleep?

As if I’d forgive that. Are you stupid?

Why are you always going on about school?

If I take my eyes off you for one second then I won’t even know what classroom you’re in.

Earlier you didn’t even get back until third period.

Extracurricular activities? You went to such a thing?

What was I doing in the meantime? I wasn’t doing anything.

When I woke up there was no one in class, so I figured I’d sleep some more while I wait for you.

When I was walking around the halls, I ended up getting found by Reiji, so I ran away to the broadcasting room.

The lazy guy was in there sleeping so soundly that he didn’t wake up even when I broke a vase that was in there.

He didn’t wake up at all. Something’s wrong with that guy’s head.

Eh? It was just a vase.

Honestly I thought I was going to throw it, but I stopped since it was heavy.

What’s up with that? Don’t go worrying about other people.

That’s right. What else could it be?

Geez. I went looking for you because you weren’t around.

Shut up! Even when you’re changing for P.E. class, you take too long!

I don’t remember how long.

I’m just telling you, you just need to take me to my next class.

It’s because you suddenly disappear on your own that it gets boring.

Nfu. I’m not letting you sleep until it gets dark. We’re skipping today.

Heeh. Then, let’s test if you can get me to sleep.

Heheh. If you can do it, then go ahead and try.

But today, Ore-sama has only attended P.E. class. I slept through all the others.

A hint?

Even if you ask me, I won’t be able to think of anything.

But you’re the one doing it, right? Even if you sing like a bird, I might end up waking up instead.

After that is what…

Aah, you also could use books…

Hmmm. In that case there is a book I would like you to read to me.

The title? I wonder what it was...I don’t remember but it’s a really intriguing book.

It seems like the kind of book that’d be in the class after P.E...in that case there’s a lot in there, isn’t there?

It’s probably stuff that they can’t put in textbooks. Fufu...don’t you also wanna know?

I’m pretty sure it was in Laito’s room but…

Haha yup. It was in that Hentai’s room.

Since it was in that shelf in the far back, it’s probably a pretty inappropriate book.

Hey, you’re curious aren’t you?

Ah, it’s about the human body? In that case, wouldn’t it explain the process of reproduction?

Hah? It has an anatomical chart? The vascular blood vessel’s job...what the hell is that?

Even if you try to trick Ore-sama it won’t work!

...well it’s fine. We’ll understand once we get the book.

Aren’t you looking forward to it?

Especially...the sensual scenes? I wouldn’t mind explaining it with your body.

Ahh, but if its read from top to bottom, then we’re gonna have to redo it. (Sometimes, Japanese is read from top to bottom. Here Ayato uses the term bouyomi, meaning something like (bamboo) stick reading, so literally he means if the book is printed with the writing going vertically)

Make sure to read it with a lot of feeling. And make sure you imagine it properly.

If there’s any parts you don’t understand, Ore-sama will explain it to you.

For example...like this? (there’s the assumption here that he touches her)

Hahaha what’s that...pfft...what a lame reaction.

I get it. Instead of just talking about it let’s do the real thing.

It’s fine, just obediently listen to what I’m telling you.

You wanted to get Ore-sama to fall asleep, didn’t you?

In that case, you do something about it.

I’ll probably fall asleep listening to that book you’re going to read.

If you understand then hurry up and go get the book.

I’m not going to listen to what you say. Hurry up and bring it.

Ah...but. Given the time, I can’t let you go into that Hentai’s room.

I’ll go get it, so be patient and wait here. I’ll pick out something amazing.

Once I get the book, you’ll explain it to me right? Heheh.

*touch*

O--w!

Tch. Grabbing onto me with that kind of strength--it’s ridiculous.

Heh. Well something like this is nothing.

Or is it…

Haha. Since you’re grabbing on so desperately...what is it that you want Ore-sama to do?

You don’t want me to get the book, so then you’re saying it’s fine if I stay awake?

Or is it...ah. I see.

This desperation is because you don’t want me to leave the bed.

If you don’t want me to leave, then isn’t it fine to just ask? So that’s why…

Say you don’t want me to leave.

I can’t hear you. We--ll. Then, Ore-sama will go get the Hentai’s book…

*touch*

Hahaha. Coming at me like that.

What’s wrong about it? You don’t want me to go, do you?

Since you don’t want to read the book, why not just say that?

Heheh….be more honest.

You don’t really want to separate from me, do you.

Heeh~ I get it I get it. If that’s the case, then tell me you don’t want me to leave.

Like this...hug me.

Your heart’s racing so much.

That sort of thing makes me happy.

And also… *breathes* there’s a sweet scent.

Why do you have such a sweet scent…

Possibly...today you want your blood sucked.

You’re making a face like you want something, so, I won’t.

It’s not a smile. More like…

Nn…

Ha...heheheh, that face…

I can’t get enough.

Of what…? It’s what I said.

It’s irresistibly cute, is what I said.

What’s wrong? It’s fine.

It’s what Ore-sama thinks, so all you have to do is obediently accept it.

Does it seem like I would just say that sort of thing to anyone?

Heh. Happiness and a look like you can’t stand it anymore, it’s written on your face, you know?

Well, it was something Ore-sama said to you specifically so, it’s to be expected.

Hey...come closer.

*kissu*

You should do it too. Kissing...just do it the way you like.

*touch*

Pfft...clumsy.

Do it more firmly. Otherwise it’s not enough.

More….*kissu*

Heheh. It’s already completely become night.

Well, should we start getting ready to sleep, then?

What I’m saying is, if we go to bed now, by the time the limousine is out front, we’ll already be dreaming.

What, you won’t sleep and just go to school?

Tch. You can’t seriously be saying that.

Oi, just fall fast asleep already.

Well, kissing while sleeping doesn’t seem so bad, right?

*kissu*

Hahaha. It’s ok to fall asleep while getting all tangled up and messy.

While looking at your melting face, being filled with the desire to control, there’s no telling when we’ll fall asleep.

That sort of thing is normal though, I think.

But it’s also unexpected.

I’ll kiss you, so that way you can go to bed quickly….*kissu*

Just forget about school. Even if you go, you’ll just fall asleep in the middle of the test.

Stop worrying about such unnecessary things. (I think that’s what he said but not sure)

That’s why, instead of going to school...just stay with me forever.

You just need to sleep in my arms like this.

That way I won’t lose sight of you.

Because you’re always running around collecting print-outs or cleaning, aren’t you?

Those things are unnecessary. You should move only for me.

In the first place, our seats are too far away.

Why are school chairs only made for one person. It should be a sofa, you know. A sofa.

Isn’t it perfect for Ore-sama to just wrap his arms around you?

Because I’d never let go.

Heheh. Just give up already.

You already can’t run away.

Quickly, now, let’s sleep.

….Goodnight.

*fades to black*

…

……

…...hn.

What is it? Have you really fallen asleep?

*Ayato appears again*

Pfft, what a dumb face. Why’s your mouth open?

This face isn’t quite amusing but...it’s not bad either.

*kissu*

Just by touching your lips, you get such a good feeling.

Well, what will you do?

Tch. Go to sleep soundly…

It’s already become time for us to wake up.

Heheh.

If you see someone other than Ore-sama in your dreams, I won’t forgive you, got it?

Properly...only look at me…

When we wake up in the morning, what kind of dreams you’ll have seen, make sure to tell me…

Nnnn…[your name}...*soft kisses*

I love you….

[i-larb-you]

Don’t Feed the Animals

I’ve been inspired by everyone on Tumblr so I wrote my first Irondad fic! Shoutout to @peterparkerisntdead for giving me ideas for this and being the most valid mutual on this website. You a real one bruh.

Words: 3,100

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Flash Thompson, May Parker (mentioned)

Warnings: Major fluffiness, a smidge of angst, a bit of bullying, lots of Irondad

Hope you enjoy it!

Peter is so totally screwed and that’s just a fact at this point.

Not that he blames May, of course. There’s no way she could have known she’d get called into work so suddenly. It’s just, well… he needs another chaperone. And where on earth is he going to find someone now, just days before the field trip?

Peter puts his phone down on his desk and runs a hand over his face. He needs something to take away his anxiety and help him clear his head a little.

Hot chocolate. He needs hot chocolate.

He makes his way to the kitchen, through the maze of hallways in the compound. As he waits for the milk to heat up in the microwave, Peter begins a list in his head: May is obviously out of the question; Mr. Stark would never in a million years agree to watch a bunch of snot-nosed teens for a day; Ms. Potts has a company to run and Peter wouldn’t want to bother her with something like this; there’s no way he’d ask Vision to do it, either; and since Colonel Rhodes is still on the mend, Peter doesn’t want to put any more unneeded stress on the man.

Peter is in quite the pickle.

The microwave dings. Peter pulls out the warm milk and adds the cocoa powder, stirring gently. On his way back to the other side of the island, he grabs a couple cookies from Mr. Stark’s secret stash. As he sinks into his chair and takes that first chocolatey sip, he hears footsteps coming from the direction of the lab. Peter turns to see Mr. Stark enter the kitchen, coffee mug in hand.

“Hey, Pete,” he greets, patting Peter’s shoulder before taking his mug to the sink.

“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter returns. He takes another sip of hot chocolate and tries to think of more possibilities.

Mr. Stark pauses, looking back at the teen sitting in front of him. “What’s with you, kid? Something happen on patrol last night?”

“No,” Peter admits, “I’m just thinking.”

“I thought I smelled something burning.”

Peter makes a face at his mentor.

“What are you thinking about?” Mr. Stark asks. He leans on the counter across from him.

Sighing, Peter explains, “My Environmental Science class is going on a field trip to the zoo on Friday and May was supposed to chaperone, except now she has to cover for her coworker all week so she can’t go. And that means I need to find someone to fill in for her or my teacher is gonna kill me.”

Mr. Stark thinks for a moment, stroking his goatee.

“Yeah, that does sound like quite the predicament,” he says quietly.

“The only people I could think of were you, Ms. Potts, Vision, and Colonel Rhodes, but Ms. Potts has a company to run and Vision would just raise a bunch of questions and—”

“Woah, wait, what about me?”

Peter rubs the back of his neck. “Well, I figured you’d have better things to do than spend the day at a zoo with a bunch of teenagers.”

“Are you kidding me?” Mr. Stark says. “The zoo sounds way better than going to boring meetings and pretending to pay attention all day.”

“Really?”

“Totally. When did you say it was?” he asks, already pulling out his phone.

Peter can’t help the excitement blooming in his chest as he tells him, “It’s this Friday. We have to be at school at the normal time—which is 8 if you didn’t know—and then we’re gonna head over to the Central Park Zoo and we get to do whatever we want—within reason, obviously—and we can go anywhere in the zoo as long as we’re with an adult, but we do have to head to certain habitats because we’re gonna have a worksheet to fill out that we have to hand in so—”

Mr. Stark raises a hand, effectively cutting Peter off from his rambles.

“I’ll fill in for your aunt as long as you don’t talk my ear off while we’re there,” he proposes. “Deal?”

“Deal!” Peter says, grinning broadly. A thought quickly comes to his mind and his smile falters just slightly. “Uh, Mr. Stark, you wouldn’t happen to have your clearances already, would you?”

🕸⎊🕸

Friday comes quickly for Peter. Environmental Science isn’t necessarily his favorite class this year, but he can’t deny that he’s super excited to go to the zoo, especially since Mr. Stark will be there.

That morning, he catches an earlier train to make sure he definitely won’t be late. He also maybe kinda sorta wants to be there before Mr. Stark gets there.

When he gets to Midtown, there are already a few kids from his class milling in front of the entrance; the ones who notice him approach offer small smiles. By the time everyone in the class shows up, there are five minutes until they have to leave and Mr. Stark is nowhere to be seen.

Peter tries not to panic too much. He might be stuck in traffic or want to be fashionably late… or he forgot entirely. Peter quickly shoves the thought from his mind. No, Mr. Stark is a lot of things but forgetful isn’t usually one of them. Plus, he seemed like he was actually looking forward to this when they talked on the phone the other night.

“Mr. Parker?”

Peter glances over his shoulder to see his teacher looking at him expectantly.

“He’ll be here soon, Mrs. Hernandez,” he assures her. “Promise.”

But then there are two minutes until they have to leave and still no Mr. Stark. The other kids are beginning to get annoyed with him, he can tell, because they just want to get the trip started. Peter checks his phone, in case he missed any calls from the man, when a car engine catches his attention.

He raises his head just as one of Mr. Stark’s fancy cars pulls into the parking lot and parks a few spaces away from the class. Mr. Stark gets out of the car and straightens his crisp black suit before walking over to the group of students gawking at him.

“Sorry I’m late, teach,” he calls, adjusting his sunglasses. “Traffic was a mess.”

Mrs. Hernandez just nods dumbly.

When Mr. Stark reaches Peter, he clasps a hand on his shoulder. “How's it going, kid?”

“Good! You ready for the zoo, Mr. Stark?”

“I was born ready,” he says. “I should probably go meet with the boss lady before we go, so we’ll talk later, alright?”

“Sure thing, Mr. Stark!” says Peter.

As soon as Mr. Stark is somewhat out of earshot, the rest of the class descends on Peter, their voices blurring together.

“How do you know Tony Stark?”

“Holy crap, Parker, I didn’t think you were serious about that internship!”

“Can you ask him if I can get a picture?”

Peter tries to answer their questions despite his quickening breaths and the growing headache behind his eyes. He’s never been good at being the center of attention, but with his heightened senses, the sudden increase of noise makes him feel even worse.

Eventually, Mrs. Hernandez calls for everyone to get on the bus and Peter breathes a sigh of relief. He climbs on behind Cindy and takes a seat toward the back of the bus, some distance away from everyone else. It’s not like he’s trying to be antisocial or anything, he just needs some time alone to chill out and let himself calm down a little. He doesn’t get very far into his “me time” before Mrs. Hernandez is addressing the class.

“We’ll be splitting up into groups before we get to the zoo and I’ll hand out the worksheets then,” she tells them. “Everyone must be part of a group and you must stay with a chaperone at all times.”

All heads swivel toward Peter expectantly, and he slumps in his seat, trying to disappear on the spot.

“I’ve already chosen your groups, guys,” Mrs. Hernandez says quickly, earning more than a few groans up and down the bus. She starts reading names off of a list, pairing kids with one of the nine chaperones. If Peter’s math is correct, and it usually is, that means there should be three kids per group, with one group of two. Mr. Stark’s name is the last one read, followed by, “Mr. Parker and Mr. Thompson.”

Peter’s heart sinks to the pavement racing beneath the bus. Twenty-six other kids in the class and it just has to be him. A few rows ahead, Flash turns around, giving Peter a wicked grin, and all of Peter’s excitement for the trip disappears at once.

An hour later, the bus pulls up outside of the Central Park Zoo and everyone clambers off to stand with their groups; Flash makes sure to step on Peter’s foot when Mr. Stark isn’t looking. Despite the flare of pain, Peter doesn’t say a word. He’s been waiting for this all week, and he’s not about to let Flash ruin it for him.

Once Mrs. Hernandez has passed out the worksheets and everyone has gone through security and the ticket stalls, they’re free to do whatever they want.

“So, where do you want to go first, boys?” Mr. Stark asks, his eyes scanning the map he’d picked up at the entrance.

Peter opens his mouth to respond, but Flash doesn’t give him the chance.

“Let’s go see the poison dart frogs!” he says. It doesn’t sound much like a suggestion.

“You good with that, Pete?”

Even though he really wants to see the penguins, Peter shrugs and replies, “Sure.”

As they set off for the frogs, Flash in the lead, Peter notices Mr. Stark watching him. He glances over and gives his mentor a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. No need to make him worry on his day off.

🕸⎊🕸

By the time lunch rolls around, they’ve seen everything Flash wanted to see and one thing Peter wanted. Not that Peter’s complaining—everything has been awesome so far and he’s still enjoyed all the animals. He could have done without Flash’s snide comments and jabs every time they were out of earshot of their chaperone—“I didn’t know they had a Make-A-Wish for orphans, Parker”—but at least Mr. Stark seems to be having a good time, which, if he’s being honest, is infinitely more important to Peter.

They stop at one of the restaurants near the entrance. When Mr. Stark offers to pay for the meal, Flash decides to order the most expensive thing on the menu, complete with a large soda and a large cup of ice cream. Peter, who’s gotten used to Mr. Stark paying for things for him at this point, sticks with chicken fingers and fries and a small pink lemonade, because why not?

“Hey, Parker,” Flash says as they sit down at a table with their trays of food, “can I look at your worksheet? I wanna check my answers.”

“Yeah, sure,” Peter responds, knowing full well Flash hasn’t written a single word on his.

While Flash is very obviously copying Peter’s work, Peter and Mr. Stark talk about school, the company, and the engagement. They don’t mention Peter’s “extra-curricular activities” with someone else sitting so near, though Peter is dying to discuss his new web formula that he hasn’t gotten to show his mentor yet. But he restrains himself, knowing he’ll be heading to the compound that afternoon and can show him then.

Once they’ve all finished their lunches, they head out to see the rest of the habitats.

“I wanna go see the grizzly bear,” Flash tells them.

“Woah, wait, hold on,” Mr. Stark says, putting a hand in the air. “You got to pick last time, let’s let Peter have a turn.”

“It’s okay, Mr. Stark,” Peter assures him. “We can go see the grizzly bear first.”

“Nonsense,” he replies. “I wanna know what you want to see, kid.”

Trying to hide his rising blush, Peter mumbles, “Well, I kinda wanted to visit the penguins…”

Mr. Stark smiles at him—not his press smile, but a real one. “Wonderful! Let’s go see the penguins.”

As he puts a hand on the boys’ shoulders and begins steering them toward the Polar Circle exhibit, Peter resolutely ignores Flash’s almost murderous glare directed at him and focuses instead on the signs pointing them in the right direction.

The penguins are adorable and without a doubt his favorite animal of the day. They arrive just in time to feed them, much to Peter’s delight. With a fascinated gleam in his eyes, he watches the penguins snap at the fish people throw to them. Mr. Stark pats him on the back when he manages to toss a fish right into a penguin’s mouth; when Flash does the same thing, he gets a tight-lipped smile. Peter’s positively beaming by the time they leave to head to the grizzly bears, and when Mr. Stark wraps an arm around his shoulders, he thinks he might actually die of happiness.

Of course, Flash just has to ruin it.

They’re waiting for Mr. Stark on a bench outside the bathrooms at the end of the day when Flash casually leans over to him. “So, Parker, how much did it cost you?”

“How much did what cost me?” Peter asks, bewildered.

“The actor,” he says. “How much did you pay him to pretend to be Tony Stark?”

Huffing in annoyance, Peter crosses his arms over his chest and tells him, “I didn’t pay anyone, Flash.”

“Sure you didn’t,” Flash says with a smug grin.

“No, seriously, I didn’t,” Peter insists. “That’s actually Mr. Stark, I swear.”

“Oh, yeah, and I’m actually Captain America.”

Peter stiffens a little, but Flash doesn’t notice. It’s a very good thing Mr. Stark isn’t around to hear this conversation.

“Be real, Parker,” Flash says. “Even if you were really Tony Stark’s intern—which you’re obviously not—why the hell would he agree to go on a school field trip with you of all people?”

Peter doesn’t know how to respond to that, because really, why would Mr. Stark want to go on a field trip with him? He knows pretty much everything about Peter. Maybe he feels sorry for him because it’s just him and May now. Peter’s well used to people’s pity because of Ben and his parents. Is Mr. Stark just like everyone else? Just tolerating him because he’s a charity case?

He’s saved from trying to come up with a reply.

“Maybe,” says a voice to their left, “it’s because I enjoy Peter’s company, which is more than I can say for you.”

The boys turn to see Mr. Stark standing at the other end of the bench, looking down at them through his sunglasses.

Flash sputters, trying to lessen the blow. “M-Mr. Stark, I didn’t—I didn’t see you there.”

“Obviously,” Mr. Stark says with an eye roll, “or you would have kept your mouth shut and not harassed my intern. Although, honestly, I’m kinda glad you did. Because that just confirms how much of a jerk I thought you were.”

The expression painting Flash’s face is priceless. Abject terror mixed with shame and just a dash of irritation at being caught. It makes up for every bad thing that happened that day.

Mr. Stark pushes his sunglasses back up his nose and sniffs. “So, Mr. Thompson, I would suggest you apologize to Peter—and you better mean it—and walk your little butt back to the bus. And you should probably wait for me so the two of us can have a word with your teacher.”

After a very forced apology, Flash picks himself up off the bench and trudges over to the exit. Before he gets very far though, Mr. Starks calls after him, “And Flash?”

The teen glances back over his shoulder.

“You can rest assured that I am very much the real Tony Stark,” he finishes, flashing his press smile. Then, turning to Peter, he asks, “You good, kid?”

Peter, who’s been a silent observer this whole time, has to physically stop himself from tackling the man.

“Are you kidding?” he says. “That was the best thing I’ve ever seen! You totally tore Flash apart! I’ve never seen him so scared in my life!”

“Yeah, well, I’m just glad he decided to keep his mouth shut and not try to lie his way out.” Mr. Stark meets Peter’s eyes. “Does that happen a lot?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Peter responds, “Well, yeah, I guess. But I can handle Flash on my own, you don’t have to worry about it. He’s a bully to everyone, and I’m kinda used to it, so I’ve got a thick skin.”

“If you say so, kid,” Mr. Stark says. There’s a small pause before he speaks again. “I’m allowed to worry, you know.”

“What?”

“I’m allowed to worry about you,” he explains. “Yeah, you’re Spider-Man and you stop crime every night and you’ve got freaky spider powers, but all that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a kid. And more than that… you’re my kid.”

Peter stares at him wide-eyed, not daring to speak.

“I know I’m not the most responsible person in the world,” Mr. Stark says. “I’m a terrible influence on you, and really, I’m surprised your aunt even lets me near you, but—” he takes a deep breath—“I’m trying. I’m new to the whole ‘co-parenting/mentor’ thing and there’s no doubt I’m gonna have many f—mess ups in the future, but I wanna do right by you and May. And if that means worrying about you every once in a while when you’re not parading around in spandex, then you gotta let me worry a bit.”

For a long second, there’s silence between them. Then, before he can help himself, Peter jumps up and wraps his arms around Mr. Stark. There’s only a slight moment of hesitation before Mr. Stark hugs him back.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, pulling away. “For everything. Today was awesome.”

“Even with Mr. Rain Cloud?”

“Totally.”

With an arm slung over Peter’s shoulder, Mr. Stark leads the two of them to the bus, where the rest of the class is waiting.

“Hey, Pete?”

“Yeah, Mr. Stark?” Peter answers, gazing up at the man next to him.

“You wanna have a movie night tonight?” he proposes. “You get to pick the movie, so long as it’s not Star Wars or anything Disney—God knows we’ve watched them enough times. I’ll even see if Pepper’s free. We can make popcorn and eat whatever flavor of ice cream you want. What do you say?”

Peter’s practically bouncing alongside him as his head bobs up and down. “That would be totally awesome, Mr. Stark! Don’t worry, I’ll pick a good movie, I promise.”

And together they rejoin Peter’s classmates, playfully debating whether The Godfather is really an appropriate movie for a sixteen-year-old.

[1112lw]

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so 

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s 

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears 

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so 

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so 

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb 

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so 

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget 

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked 

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so 

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep 

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically 

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if 

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY 

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old 

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so 

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no 

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal 

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee 

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school 

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official​ @ace-landofthesun​ @dorkalisious​ and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

[debtfreeinthree]

Debt Free After Three is now Conscious Coins!

Hi y’all,

I’m super excited to announce an exciting change – Debt Free After Three is now Conscious Coins! The new name represents my new journey through blogging, an attempt to share how I’m being more mindful with my money (or trying to).

The content will remain somewhat similar, but I’m also expanding my coaching services. Now, you can easily schedule a 1-on-1 coaching call with me if you want specific advice on tackling your money problems.

But moving on, why did I feel the need to change my blog name?

My Blogging Journey

I started blogging in 2011 when I was a newspaper reporter in northwest Indiana. The blog was connected to the newspaper, and within weeks of starting the blog I realized I was spending more time writing blog posts instead of my real assignments. When I left the paper, I started blogging on my own (shoutout to all my original Tumblr followers).

A couple years later, I moved the blog to DebtFreeAfterThree.com and in November 2014, I paid off my student loans – three years after my first payment.

It’s been almost four years since that time and if you’ve been reading, you’ve noticed a shift in tone. I don’t write as much about paying off debt and living frugally. I’ve learned how to invest, a skill I never thought I’d have. I’ve become more conscious of how I spend my time, which affects how I spend my money. Since I’ve self-employed, my husband and I outsource more tasks as we attempt to be more efficient in our work.

I still care about paying off debt and I encourage people to do so, but I also want people to start investing now while they’re young. I worry that focusing too much on student loans hides the larger issue of saving for retirement.

Why Conscious Coins?

During the past year, I’ve started meditating every day. I have a huge problem with anxiety and focus and meditating regularly has helped me deal with my feelings better. I’m still not great at keeping my thoughts clear, but I think I’ve gotten better.

Meditating has also helped me understand my emotions around money. I naturally veer towards retail therapy and when I’m bored, sad or lonely, I automatically head to Nordstrom Rack or if it’s late at night, Poshmark.com, to relieve my feelings.

Being more mindful has helped me understand when I’m shopping because I truly want or need something and when I want to feel whole.

It’s this new attitude that helped me tackle investing for the first time. I’ve been saving for retirement for a few years, but I always had my dad pick my investments. I was too scared to invest and I told myself I wasn’t smart enough to do it.

Over the past year, I’ve been teaching myself more about the stock market and how to create a balanced portfolio. I’m still not a qualified expert, but I feel comfortable picking my own funds. I’m still kicking myself for not doing this earlier. I spend years being too scared to invest and not trying to conquer my fear.

I firmly believe that our emotions have a huge impact on how we handle money – or how we avoid handling it.

Case in point: my first budgeting disaster. I first tried budgeting my senior year of college. I was only a few months away from graduation and I felt like I needed to start being responsible.

I set up an account on Mint.com and gave myself a basic budget, part of which included an $80 line item for eating out. That was enough for a weekly indulgence like Chinese food or pizza.

A couple weeks in, Mint  sent me a notification that I was already overbudget on eating out. I called my mom confused about how I could’ve failed so spectacularly.

“How have I already spent $80 when I’m only two weeks in?” I asked her. She asked me what I had bought and I recounted the purchases. “Well, I got a salad on Tuesday and then I ordered pizza on Friday and the week after I bought pad Thai.”

When I did the math, it didn’t make sense. I knew the numbers added up to $80, but I didn’t feel like I had gotten $80 worth of stuff. I wasn’t thinking about those meals consciously so they snuck up on me.

That’s what this blog is about – how to spend money consciously. It’s about investing in a way that makes sense for your life, buying things that you truly want or need and saving money on the stuff you don’t care about.

I’m not here to tell you not to buy $100 jeans or $4 coffees – but you should be mindful about it. Last year, I bought $70 denim shorts because I’d spent weeks trying to find shorts that fit. I felt a little guilty splurging on shorts, but I’ve worn them more than a dozen times since. It was a conscious choice and I’ve never regretted it.

That’s how you should feel after every purchase – no regrets.

It’s ok to have a few slip-ups. There are plenty of times when I buy something I regret 20 minutes later (usually it’s something I can’t return). Remember, I spent years of my life listening to someone else’s investing advice because I didn’t think I was smart enough to handle it.

This blog isn’t going to be me talking down to you and showing how perfect I am with money. It’s about us going on this journey together. I’m still learning and figuring out how to be more mindful with my money every day.

Debt Free After Three is now Conscious Coins! was originally published on Conscious Coins