#should i write an actual fic with this LOLL

[bbunisre]

sub!megumi hc's ;;; wc: 238

sub!megumi who didn't know he liked being overruled by someone until you came into his life and took good care of him

sub!megumi who loves it when you take good care of him (driving him to places, making sure he eats well and helping him with his homework when he's stuck)

sub!megumi who plants his face in your tits and sighs after a long day because this was exactly what he needed

sub!megumi who (always admits how much he) loves it when you put all your weight on his face with your clit rubbing perfectly against his nose as he eats you out

sub!megumi who physically shivers when you give him neck kisses or when you purposely back up into him to tease him

sub!megumi who's such a good boy to you. he's never thought of disobeying mommy or making her upset

sub!megumi who whimpers and cries because he's so so so sensitive and you take him to the edge every time you make love to him. he lets you because he knows that you're there for him ❤️

sub!megumi who knows you're the one when you've effectively dealt with one of his mental breakdowns - he thought he wasn't good enough for anyone

sub!megumi who thinks you're an intelligent, funny woman who can light up his world at any given moment

sub!megumi who lays on your lap whenever you're together and falls asleep while you play with his locks

sub!megumi who is able to relax in your arms and is cherished for who he is as a person

[sanguineterrain]

i'm sure you have plenty of requests, but do you write part 2's/continuations of blurbs?? bc i'm FULLY invested in the bodyguard!jason au and i need to know what else transpires in their time together. does he read to the reader?? does reader take him clubbing with him subsequently losing them in the crowd?? is he their unofficial date to the countless galas and social gatherings they're invited to?? what is their sleeping arrangement? the people demand politely request answers!

the people shall get their answers!

bodyguard!jason todd x gn!reader. pt 2 to this. tw reader punches a rich asshole, pining, tension, etc. jason is a sweetheart as always! all fics are reblogged to @sanguinelibrary

****

Galas suck.

You swish champagne in your glass and watch it fizz. Then you do it again. And again.

A man's loud laughter carries over the delicate string quartet. You glower in his direction for a second. Then you rest your head on the wall behind you.

"I'm bored to tears, Red," you say.

Hood is playing wallflower with you, except he actually has an excuse.

"To tears, huh?" he says. "Maybe you should try being social. I believe that's what these shindigs are for."

Your head lolls in his direction, brows rising. "That's pretty rich coming from you. You're the least social person I know."

"Well, I do shoot people for a living. Tends to put others off. Go figure."

You stop a passing waiter and pluck a vegetable croquette from tray, then pop it into your mouth. "You haven't shot anybody in months."

Hood sighs. "Yeah. Sad stuff."

"You could shoot somebody here."

"Not without good reason," he says.

"How 'bout for being an entitled, elitist prick?"

"I'm afraid I need a little more reason than that. For legal purposes. But I do love shooting entitled, elitist pricks."

"Fine. Give me the gun."

Hood hums. "I think I'm a bad influence on you, trouble."

"You're the best influence on me," you say. "Give me your gun. I can be trusted."

"That's a negative."

You finish the croquette and edge closer to him, your shoulders touching. You tap him on the shoulder. He leans in, ear near your mouth.

"Ye-es?" he asks, eyes flicking to you. Wow. You've never gotten used to Hood's laser focus on you.

"What if I said you're the wind in the trees and the music of the birds and all of my dreams come to life?" you ask, only exaggerating a little.

"I'd probably check for a concussion," says Hood. You can tell he's smiling behind his mask.

"What if I said you're too sexy for your shirt?"

"Hm. Can't disagree there. Still no gun, though."

"Bastard."

Hood bumps your shoulder and straightens. "Sorry, trouble. Looks like we'll have to soldier through without sending anyone to Emergency."

You suck your teeth. "Man. Will you dance with me, at least?"

Hood snorts.

"I'm not joking," you say. "I headcanon you to have secret waltz and tango skills."

"You headcanon me?"

"Yes. I write headcanons about you on my blog." You gulp down the rest of your champagne. "So, what do you say?"

"Dancing isn't in my job description, trouble. 'Sides, there's plenty virile, eligible bachelors here for you to rumba the night away with."

You wrinkle your nose. "Who describes people as virile? They're not lab mice."

"Sorry." Hood clears his throat, then cocks his hip. "They're hot and totally into you!" he says in a peppy voice. "Better?"

You shiver. "Don't do that again. Gave me the heebie jeebies."

"'Gives the heebie jeebies' is actually on my resume," Hood says. "Right after 'scares the shit out of people.'"

The music slows to a finish. The dancers clap. You groan, leaning against the wall.

"Maybe I can pull the fire alarm," you say.

"Excuse me!"

An old, small man in an expensive suit with white, thin hair struts over. You squint at him as he comes to a stop in front of you.

"Isn't your father that ambassador?" he asks, eyes roving over you. You know that gaze. It's the gaze that's deciding whether or not you're worth speaking to.

"Yes, he is," you say. "May I help you?"

He sniffs. "Terrible business, that. He very nearly cost that young woman her life at that banquet."

Hood brushes past you, stepping forward. "Sir, I need you to back up. Safety measures and all that."

Your jaw tightens. This is literally the last conversation you want to have, talking about your tightass, selfish father. You've done enough of that in therapy.

You hide a smile behind his back.

The man peers at Hood, mouth curling. "What business have you, bringing threatening men like him in here? This is a private event."

You step around Hood. "He's my bodyguard. He's not a threat."

"He certainly looks like one. He's dressed like a hoodlum."

"Hence the name," Hood says cheerfully.

The man sneers. "Those scars of yours are hideous, young man. I can't believe you accompany your charge in public looking like you do."

"What the hell did you say?" you ask, stepping to him. "Huh?"

"Trouble," Hood says quietly, touching your shoulder. "It's fine—"

"No, because what the fuck? Where the fuck do you get off?" you say, invading his personal space. How fucking dare he?

The asshole's bulldog eyebrows rise. "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. Red's being perfectly professional. Won't even eat the hors d'oeuvres. And you're commenting on his body? Are you insane? Did all that corruption eat your brain?"

His face is now a nice shade of beetroot. Hood clears his throat behind you.

"C'mon, ease up," Hood says. "Don't do this f'me."

"Yes, listen to your mutt," the man says, sneering. "Seems he's got a modicum of sense, unlike you. It looks like all of his house training has a promising future."

Your fist connects with cartilage.

It's a blur after that. Someone pulls you away—Hood—and your now-sworn enemy screams bloody murder, red dripping down his suit. Your hand kind of hurts, and your head really hurts.

Hood herds you through a set of French doors, into a garden. Cool, night air fans your face.

"Well, 'm glad I didn't give you a gun," Hood says, walking you to a bench by the fountain in the center of the garden.

Sweet scents of lilac and rose waft through the air. You look away as Hood carefully inspects your hand.

"Hm. Just a little bruised. No injury."

"I tucked my thumb like you taught me," you say.

"I see. Think you broke his nose."

Is that pride you hear in his voice?

Hood sighs, releasing your hand. "But you shouldn't have done that."

You start to shake, anger shooting through you all over. You curl into yourself.

"I'm not apologizing to that shithead. He's a gutless, no-good, gutter snipe. Nothing under that hideous toupee but air."

Hood laughs. "Easy, Sundance. Y'know guys like him are full of hot air. Surprised you let him get to you. You don't care what those rich assholes say."

You turn around to look at Hood. "Someone had to take him down a peg. What he said was horrible."

"You've heard so much worse, trouble. You take it all with a grin and then get back at 'em later. 'S how you always do it."

"Yeah, well... well, I was sick of what he was saying. He can say all he wants about me, I don't give a shit. But when I'm in the room, no one talks about my bodyguard."

Hood is quiet for a long moment. There's only the sound of the babbling fountain and crickets. You rub your sore hand and stare at a rose bush.

"Y'don't need t'defend me," he says. "People have said far worse, and I definitely don't want you puttin' your reputation on the line for me, trouble."

"Fuck my reputation!" you say, scooting closer to him. "You're important to me, Red. Everyone should know not to say a damn thing about you when I'm around."

He shakes his head. "I'm just your bodyguard."

"No, you're my friend. Right?"

Hood looks up at you. "I—yeah, of course, but—"

"Well, friends defend each other."

"So some rich guy doesn't wanna look at my ugly mug," Hood says. "Big deal."

"You aren't ugly," you say, brow furrowing. "Don't say that."

"Trouble. Sweetness. Look at me. Tyra Banks would call me a lost cause."

"Don't be a dummy, Red. You're hot and mysterious, and you have pretty eyes. You're a fantasy protagonist's wet dream."

Hood leans in. Your heart picks up. Oh, you're nervous. You're getting nervous again. A tornado siren wails in your head. Danger! Danger!

"So you're sayin' I'm too sexy for my shirt?" he asks.

"So sexy it hurts," you say, voice slightly uneven.

"Mm." He looks you over. His lashes are so long. Damn. "Y'haven't even seen my whole face."

"I don't need to," you say instantly. "I'm an excellent judge of good looks."

He laughs. You smile.

"Think you can sneak us out?" you ask. "For my safety, of course."

"Mm, of course." Hood looks over the garden. "Yeah, I think I can manage that."

"I'll get us burgers," you say. "I'm starved."

"Taking me out, huh?"

It's a joke, but God, what if? What if you could go on a date with Hood, without masks or politics? What if you could see his smile? Feel his smile?

"If I did, I'd take you someplace nice," you say. "Not just a burger joint."

Hood is quiet as you go to the edge of the garden and he prepares to get you both over the balcony. He holds out a hand and puts his other on your waist so you can climb. Your faces are close. You smile, a little nervous.

"For the record," he says, not letting go until you're safely on the grass below. "I'd be content eating anywhere with you, trouble."

Hood easily vaults over the balcony, landing on his feet. He gestures with his arm.

"You lead," he says, eyes dancing.

God, you're in so much trouble.

[remlionheart]

Is there ANY chance you’d do a Gojo/Reader/Megumi euphoria version, just as nasty and beautiful as the other ones ??? You know, with dp, creampies, praise kinks etc

Maybe it could pick up when y/n goes back for another party like Gojo said and he found out that she also had a crush on Megumi so he invited him too and they’re all high etc. OOOFFF I got excited just by thinking about it

Let me manifest you writing this with your incredible talent 🙌🏼✨

When I tell you this had fireworks going off in my brain when I read it this morning 😮‍💨 I love all of you and your ideas so much ₊˚ෆ My schedule has been pretty tight lately between work and writing and trying not to lose my mind in the mix, but this got me up and to my laptop the minute I opened it. Manifest and you shall receive 🔮✨, ily nonnie ♡

➳ all of my euphoria fics are standalone for the most part, but meg's full story can be found here and gojo's here if you're new. this one in particular is more of an AU drabble than it is a continuation of either. (also - quick lil disclaimer: all characters are aged up to 21+, meg was raised by toji in this not gojo, and finally, i am not responsible for what i write when i'm ovulating bc this turned out fucking filthy) hope u like it ♡

۵ ⋆˙MDNI ⋆˙۵

Show and Tell ₊˚⊹♡

You stared down at your phone, rereading the text from Gojo-sensei for what had to be the tenth time when you finally took a breath and opened the front door. His living room was exactly how you remembered it: overflowing with people and music and purple lights and drunken nonsense. The only difference was that you were coherent this time and actually able to push yourself through the sea of your former classmates as you made your way up the stairs.

With each step you took though, you couldn't decide if your sobriety was a good thing or a bad thing. Your heart was jumping around in your chest, your eyes glued to the floor in a feeble attempt to avoid the suspicious eyebrow raises you were getting the closer you got to his bedroom.

“I want you over here again next weekend,” he had said in between breaths, his cum seeping out of you as he pulled out. “Got it?"

You thought it had just been the heat of the moment talking. A fleeting 3 am coke-induced thought that he'd forget about once he came back to his senses, but he didn't. He was holding onto his demands, waiting for you as you reached for the door handle.

No one was allowed in his room.

No one, except for you.

Your footsteps came to an abrupt pause, your gaze suddenly darting between the two sets of blue eyes that were looking back at you. A familiar smirk tugged at the corner of Gojo's mouth as he held his hand out, motioning with one finger for you to come closer.

Megumi watched the way you walked towards him, noting the little exhale you let out once you'd reached him. Your nervous excitement was almost as palpable as it was pitiful. A faint shade of pink decorated your cheeks as you stood between your former teacher's legs. "Open." Gojo instructed.

Megumi had heard the rumors about the two of you hooking up, but he hadn't really believed it until now. His jaw clenched, his eyes still trailing over you while you obediently lolled your tongue out for the silver-haired man. He wondered if you even knew what you were taking as Gojo placed a point of molly into your mouth, nodding proudly as you swallowed it.

It was odd, how similar you still looked to the last time he'd seen you at Jujutsu High but how absolutely unrecognizable you seemed showing off for your former teacher.

"See how good she is?" Gojo mused, breaking Megumi's train of thought. "Does exactly what she's told. Takes orders so well." Megumi's pupils widened when he noticed that you were looking at him now as Gojo began to slip your shirt above your head.

"I... should probably go -"

"Relax." Gojo said simply, his hands reaching around to unclasp your bra. Your nipples hardened as it fell to the floor, leaving you exposed in front of the two of them. "You're here for a reason."

A burst of warmth and blissful dizziness spread through your body, whatever drug he'd given you was starting to take hold. It felt different than the coke you'd done last time, but you couldn't quite place your finger on what this was. It was an overwhelming heady sensation. A fluttering in your chest. A smile you couldn't quite fight back. An insatiable urge to just touch something.

Gojo shot the raven-haired boy a grin that could've rivaled that of the devil's. "I saw the way she was looking at you the last time she was here. Think she has a bit of a crush on you." His tone was taunting, his hand running along the curve of your hip as he redirected his attention up to you. "Don't you, baby?"

You wanted to say no. Wanted to lie. Wanted to create a convincing argument against it, but the substances in your system were making it increasingly difficult to not lean into your real feelings. The things you couldn't possibly say out loud sober, the desires you'd usually bury - they were all at the forefront of your mind. Willing and ready to make their appearance the second your mouth opened again.

"I -"

But Gojo's palm found the inside of your thigh before you could get it out, you nearly moaned just from the feeling of his fingers roaming up towards your center. Everything suddenly felt so good. So unexplainably fucking good.

"Tell him." Gojo prompted, sliding your panties to the side. "Don't look at me, look at him. Tell him how bad you want him to fuck you, baby."

Even under the red glow from Gojo's headboard light, you could see the curiosity and blatant want laid out on Megumi's face. You kept your eyes locked with his as Gojo slipped a slender finger between your folds, making it impossible to keep your voice steady.

"Megumi..." it was a whimper. A sweet, lewd little nothing that made his cock twitch. You reached for his hand and he took it, slowly lacing his fingers into yours. "Will you –"

"No. That's not it." Gojo shook his head, forcing your gaze back on him as he slammed two fingers into you, almost making your knees buckle. "You're not asking, you're telling him what you want. C'mon baby, use your words."

Your whines were echoing across the room, your body grinding greedily against Gojo's digits as you looked back to Megumi with your bottom lip lodged between your teeth. Your head was everywhere. Your body so overwhelmingly sensitive.

"Megumi, please." You tried again, but it was just as desperate and feeble as before. "I... really... want – oh, fuck." Gojo was relentless, the wet sounds of him plunging into you only getting louder. "Please." you writhed against him, shooting Megumi a helpless look as your eyes began to roll. "Please, Megumi, I – want you... to... fuck, ohmygod –"

"There she is." Gojo praised, using his thumb to rub against your clit. You were clenching around him, nearly dripping as you stood before him, your vision dancing between the two men. "Keep going. Keep talking. Don't stop."

"I-want-you-to-fuck-me." It almost came out as one word with how quick and breathlessly it left your mouth. "Please. Pl – ease. Oh, fuck. Fuck... I can't.... Gojo, 'm gonna –"

It felt like something inside Megumi had snapped as he watched the orgasm rake through your body. The way your eyes glazed over. The way you leaned against Gojo for support as your cunt spasmed around him. The slick glistening down your thigh. You looked so dazed out and gorgeous, it was almost too much to handle. The molly in his system was hitting him just as hard as it was hitting you.

His fingers were still tangled firmly into yours, your knuckles almost turning white from how hard you'd been holding onto him. The second Gojo released you, Megumi was pulling you over to him, his lips meeting yours with feral urgency while he guided you on top of him.

There was an undeniable energy between the two of you. Your bodies both humming with desire as he kissed along your neck, using his other free hand to undo the buttons of his pants.

Gojo smirked watching the two of you before leaning over to his nightstand and divvying out a bump of coke for himself.

Megumi was careful as he lined himself up with your entrance, letting his tip slide in slowly. You were so wet. Already moaning with how little he'd given you. "Fuck, you feel good." He groaned, placing his hands on your hips to help pull you down further.

You gripped his shoulders, easing yourself further and further down. You felt delirious from how perfectly he was stretching you, another surge of warmth rushing over you as you matched his rhythm.

"You're s'fucking pretty." He whispered, his hips bucking up, making your eyes nearly cross as his tip met your cervix. "So cute when you're all fucked out like this."

Gojo stripped out of his pants and boxers, undoing the buttons along his shirt as he continued to watch the two of you. "She's a tight little thing, isn't she?" He smirked. "Don't worry though, she can take it." His thumb was suddenly under your chin, forcing your face next to his. "You want him to go deeper, baby?"

You nodded back him with stars in your eyes, whining into his mouth as Megumi plunged himself into you earning an arrogant smirk from Gojo. "Look at that pouty face." he teased, parting your lips with his tongue. "Such a good girl, you know that?"

The feeling of Megumi filling and laying into you while Gojo-sensei instructed him how to fuck you felt too farfetched to be real. You must've been in a dream. A delicious dream that you never wanted to wake up from.

"Oh, you're close, aren't you?" Gojo grinned, noting how feverish your movements had become. How much harder your ass was smacking against Megumi's thighs each time you came down.

He stepped away, letting you fully grab onto Megumi as you mewled out his name, your arms wrapped tightly around his neck. You were clenching around him, nearly shaking from how good he felt. "Megumi, 'm - I -"

"Shh," he soothed, pulling you down onto him. "S'okay, I've got you. Look at me." There were overstimulated tears pricking at the corners of your eyes when they met his. "Let me see it."

You were writhing against him. Your eyebrows knitting together as your thighs locked in place. You slid down, taking every inch of him, making your body nearly convulse. Your pupils bloomed as your mouth fell open. Loud, incoherent whines leaving you as tears began to spill down your cheeks. "I'm cumming." You cried. "Fuck, Megumi. I'm cumming, I'm cumming, 'm -"

You were inconsolable, spasming against him with fervor as you drenched him. "Oh my god," he groaned, feeling himself teetering on the verge of his breaking point too. You were smothering him.

His head spinning from how snug and warm your walls were, how they just kept getting tighter around him the harder he continued to pump into you. You were so pretty to look at - the way your tits bounced perfectly with each thrust, the way your eyes stayed focused on him, the way you kept whimpering out his name in this adorably pitiful broken voice. This entire thing felt like dream to him too. A salaciously beautiful haze that he'd think about for at least the rest of his life.

"I'm about to cum." He warned you, unsure where you wanted it. Gojo stepped back in, standing behind you to place his hands on your shoulders as he pushed you down further, drawing out another blitzed-out noise from you.

"Let her have it." Gojo nodded, holding your hair into a makeshift ponytail while he kissed the side of your neck, his free hand drifting down to your clit. The sensation made you grind against him even faster, moaning into Gojo's mouth as Megumi filled you. "Good girl." he whispered. "Look at how well you're takin' him, baby. Makin' me so fuckin' proud."

Gojo helped guide you off of him once you were both done, careful to lift you as a mixture of fluids spilled out of you. "Messy girl." Gojo smirked. "Need you to get him all cleaned off before he goes back out there, 'kay?"

You looked at him from over your shoulder, giving him a dizzy smile as he bent you over and Megumi spread his legs apart to accommodate you.

He was so spent. So high. So blissfully exhausted, he wasn't sure it'd be possible for him to cum again this soon. But the minute he felt your tongue press against his base, the way you looked up at him through those heavy lashes - he quickly realized that he had at least one more left in him.

Gojo took his time, admiring how puffy and pretty your leaking pussy was. He'd gone easy on you last weekend. Tried to keep his roughness to a minimum, but he knew you were ready.

He rubbed his tip between your folds, wetting himself with the slick. "Stay focused on your breathing."

It was the same thing he'd told you the last time he entered you, only it held new meaning now that you had a mouthful of cock and Gojo-sensei's girth inside you. Your back arched for him, your eyes glazing over as Megumi's hand tangled into your hair.

"You've got it." Megumi reassured you. "Just like that."

Gojo's grip was tightening around your hips the further he went. "Don't stop just because I'm in you, I wanna see you take that whole thing."

You mewled against Megumi, drool dripping down your chin while Gojo pummeled further into you. You kept one hand on him, slowly pumping as you tried to find a good rhythm, but Gojo's pace was picking up, rocking you back and forth and making you forget how to breathe altogether.

"Gojo-sensei ~" you whined.

The formality only made his thrusts more punishing, but your walls were sucking him in so faithfully no matter how hard he went. Your body absolutely melting at his touch.

"Focus." his tone was stern, his hips meeting yours condemningly. "Show me how bad you want this. If you stop, so will I."

You opened your mouth wider, letting the pool of spit you'd gathered glide down Megumi's length as he lightly pressed your head down. "Oh shit." He muttered, watching you take almost all of him.

"There you go." Gojo praised, his hand reaching around to meet your clit again. "See how good that feels, baby? To have my cock buried in you and his down your throat?"

His fingers were drawing heavenly circles around you, the room filling with the carnal sounds of him bullying himself into you and you slurping and lapping up every bit of Megumi. You were a whimpering, soaking mess. Moaning out both of their names now each time you came up for air.

"She's already getting close again." Gojo mocked. "Poor thing, she's just so sensitive."

His fingers swirled firmly across your clit, feeling the slick that was building as Megumi thrusted himself into your mouth. Your eyes were watering again. Your legs shaking and your heart ready to beat straight out of your chest from how obscenely euphoric it all felt.

Megumi moaned prettier than any man you'd ever heard. The noises he was making alone were almost enough to keep you going. You nearly choked on him when you finally felt him twitch inside you, coating your throat with warmth as his head lulled back.

"Fuck." he rasped, pulling your head back up to look at you. "You have no idea how perfect you feel."

You gave him a glazed over smile, your cunt throbbing as Gojo continued to dominate you. He could feel you about to bottom out. "She's so ethereal, isn't she? Like a fucked-out angel." He mused, watching you reach for Megumi's hand as you clenched around him.

You were completely incoherent, your vision blurred by molly and red lights and the softness of Gojo's sheets. Megumi leaned in to kiss you, still letting you squeeze his hand for support. "God, you're gorgeous." He breathed. "Keep goin'. You're right there."

You kissed Megumi so hard you were afraid you were going to hurt him, but he didn't seem to mind, holding you tighter as you shook and moaned against his lips. “There it is.” He nodded. “You love cumming all over us, don't you?"

You nodded helplessly, tears still streaming down your face as you returned his small smile. "So - much." You choked out, your pussy clamping around Gojo as he pounded his release into you.

You were so unexplainably full, almost afraid that you wouldn't be able to stand once Gojo pulled out of you, but he helped get you to your feet.

"My little show-off," He smirked, placing a light kiss on your forehead. "Always such a teacher’s pet.”

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

[dez78]

You're a spawn too?

-------------------------------------------------

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Relationship: Spawn Astarion x Fem!Spawn Reader

Warnings: Blood, traumatizing past, reader is a vampire spawn, reader is an fem elven tav.

Summary: Astarion discovers something about you, that he certainly wasn't expecting, yet it was the most obvious. How did he miss it?

Notes: I haven't seen too many fics where Tav starts out as a vampire. Only fics after Astarion turned them. So, I decided to write this little drabble.

The night was an eerie silent. Astarion was being tormented by his insatiable hunger. Cazador's voice berating him in his meditation. He was commanding his spawn to feast upon his fellow elf.

He distorted his features as his master's voice echoed against his skull. He twisted and turned on his bed roll.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, after fighting the agony of thirst, Astarion opened his eyes and looked over at you meditating not too far from himself. He licked his lips, watching your head loll from side to side.

He stood slowly as to not disturb you or the rest of the camp, his steps were light. His eyes fixed on your relaxed form. He stalked you like the predator he was.

His footsteps were graceful as he stepped towards his companion. You turned, fussing in your meditated slumber.

When Astarion was close enough, it was as though you had sensed him. You plagued his mind with your own memories. Astarion growled, holding his throbbing head.

Memories flashed behind his eyes; his face distorted as he focused on what was being shown to him.

A young elven girl, playing with dolls, a happy child. Flashing forward, he saw a grown girl, but still a child in the eyes of elves, only thirty-one. A happy young woman. Then flashes of her darkest hours.

Blood, so much blood. The girl was beat senselessly. For what he did not know. Then the eyes of his own looked back at him, burning into his soul.

Astarion cried out as he stumbled back, snapping his eyes open.

"Shit..." He said breathlessly, you were staring back at him.

"You're..."

"You're a spawn too?" Astarion said with a shaky voice.

"So, naturally my blood won't sate you." You quipped.

"Though, I'm not declining either." You smirked, playfully offering your neck. Astarion snorted,

"Be careful, darling. I might actually take you up on that offer." He replied.

You only gave him an insatiable look and that was all it took, he glided to the dirt. He pushed you down, you didn't hesitate, even turning your head for him.

Astarion opened his mouth, fangs baring as he went down. He bit down into your neck, you felt that familiar sensation. At first it was uncomfortable, then it eased into comfort.

Astarion drank from you greedily, his hand on the back of your head. You felt your life slipping, you didn't want it to end, but you knew your blood supply was on a shortage as of late.

"Astarion, stop!" You commanded,

"Mhm, of course." The man said as he pulled back, breathing heavily as he licked his lips and stood up. He was laughing,

"Mhm, that was...you are delectable, darling." He complimented, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth before licking it from his thumb.

"As delicious as you were, I need something more filling." Astarion said after a silence,

"I should feed to; you took a lot." You told him,

"Of course, dearest. Happy hunting." Astarion said flashing you a devious grin as he walked away, more confident. You stood there for a minute before heading out to hunt for yourself.

[diorkyeom]

「✦」 oh, how i adore you

joshua x dokyeom, non-idols, fluff, angst, humour, mutual pining, friends to lovers, inspired by the song 'jump then fall' by taylor swift

total word count: 22.2k+

warnings: adults drinking alcohol near the beginning, seokmin is scared of heights? but hes good at dealing w it, overuse of "shua hyung"s bc seokmin is a Simp, kissing

summary: "and joshua... well, joshua had realised something. seokmin's laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that he had ever heard." - in which joshua never really realised that he'd fall for seokmin, but always has and always will do anything for him. and perhaps that should have been his first sign that he'd well and truly fallen for seokmin a long, long time ago.

notes: it's here!! vv heavily inspired by that one lyric in ms. swift's song that goes "without a warning/i realise your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard" bc it's just sooo seoksoo coded. pls b kind to the fic bc it actually took me forever to write lmaoo and enjoy ^^

The day Joshua fell in love with Seokmin started out like any other.

Well, no. That was a lie. But with friends like Joshua’s, it was impossible for any day to be classed as ‘ordinary’. 

On the day he fell in love with Seokmin, he woke up to someone poking him in the shoulder.

Which was weird, because Joshua lived by himself, and his first thought was that it was some intruder coming to murder him as he slept. He couldn’t find it within him to be scared about that, though, still in a mostly-asleep state as the bony finger continued to poke him incessantly right in the shoulder bone.

He was too tired to be dealing with this. Trying to bury his face into his pillow, Joshua reasoned that if someone was trying to murder him, then it was highly unlikely that they’d want to wake him up first, right? 

Either that, or they were an incredibly polite murderer.

“Shua hyung,” the polite murderer whined, and Joshua groaned as the familiar voice finally registered in his ears.

With a heavy sigh, because he now knew exactly who this intruder was, he let himself be manhandled up into a more upright position, propped against his headboard. His eyes were still shut, refusing to accept this disturbance to his sleep.

“Shua hyung,” the person said again, and Joshua could hear the bright amusement in his tone. “Shua hyung, it’s gone 10 in the morning. You promised me cookies.”

Defeated, Joshua blinked slowly as his shoulders were shaken back and forth, making his head loll drowsily like a doll. He squinted blearily.

“Good morning to you too, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed again, wide and happy as if he hadn’t just forcibly woken his hyung up and was now shaking him around like a baby rattle. He was practically sitting in Joshua’s lap, having clambered over him in order to shake his shoulders, and Joshua really was beginning to feel like nothing more than a toy doll at this point. 

“Good morning, hyung!” Seokmin chirped, and sat back on Joshua’s knees, making the elder let out a small ‘oof’ at the sudden weight. “Now hurry up, you said you’d bake me cookies.”

Joshua sighed yet again. He really needed new friends.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua had met Lee Seokmin for the first time during his third year of university. It had been an odd encounter, but it had been an encounter brought on by one Yoon Jeonghan and so, when Joshua thought about it, by that man’s standards it hadn’t really been all that odd in the slightest.

“Joshuji,” Jeonghan had declared one afternoon, opening the door and flouncing through the small dorm into their kitchen, dragging a tall boy by his oversized hoodie sleeve behind him. “Meet the first-year that I’ve collected this year.”

Joshua, who had been peacefully sipping his fifth coffee of the day, didn’t even bat an eye at Jeonghan’s declaration. “Another one?”

Even in the present, Joshua could very truthfully admit that Jeonghan had been the sole reason he’d decided to carry on going to uni in Korea and not turn on his heel and return to the States three months after the first day. 

It was because Jeonghan had had this… thing, where he liked ‘collecting’ first-years in their literature department who he wanted to take under his wing. During their first year at uni, he’d latched onto Joshua, who’d been a confused Korean-American student that Jeonghan had, for some reason, taken an immense liking to. Their second year, it had been Lee Jihoon, prickly and snappish but who had a hyper boyfriend who Jihoon stared at with hearts in his eyes.

It was a weird, almost mother hen-like act from Jeonghan, but it was a sweet habit, and Joshua had long since given up questioning anything that he did. 

And so, a little absently, Joshua had turned to look over at Jeonghan’s newest adoptee, a polite smile on his face, before promptly freezing.

“Meet Lee Seokmin,” Jeonghan had said, proudly, like a mother introducing her favourite son. “Isn’t he just the cutest?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, because goodness, Lee Seokmin really was cute.

He was biting his lips nervously, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie before Joshua finally made eye contact with him, and his eyes rounded as if surprised that Joshua had looked his way.

And then Seokmin waved, before ducking his head, as if attempting to (unsuccessfully) hide behind Jeonghan’s much shorter form. The action was so startingly cute that Joshua couldn’t help the genuine smile that tugged at his lips, giving a small wave back even if Seokmin looked too busy avoiding his gaze to see it.

“Hello,” Joshua said, and awfully, his voice managed to crack on that single word. Jeonghan stifled a snort. In an attempt to cover the awkwardness, Joshua apparently decided it was best to do something even more awkward, and stuck his hand out in Seokmin’s direction. “I’m Joshua Hong. Or, Hong Jisoo. You can call me whatever’s easiest.”

Seokmin had stared down at his hand for several seconds, confused, and Joshua wanted nothing more than to turn back time and restart this entire interaction because really, how much more embarrassing could this get?

Before he could retract his hand, trying to forget the handshake and hopefully forget the new layer of awkwardness, Seokmin leaned over and grasped Joshua’s hand, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he looked up at Joshua, eyes startlingly warm and earnest.

His hair was awfully fluffy, Joshua realised suddenly. And he had big eyes.

He looked like a large, adorable puppy, if adorable puppies were tall uni students who drowned themselves in oversized hoodies.

Seokmin’s cheeks were rather flushed as he shook Joshua’s hand, eyes wide. He had a brief thought that maybe Jeonghan had chased him around their apartment block until he finally reached their floor.

Jeonghan did that sometimes.

And then Seokmin smiled, so brightly that it was like a blinding beam of sunlight, his earlier perceived shyness completely forgotten as he released Joshua’s hand and instead lunged forward to engulf the elder in a hug.

“Hello!” Seokmin chirped, arms still wrapped around Joshua’s shoulders, and when he pulled away, he was still smiling so widely that Joshua felt a little dazed. “It’s nice to meet you, Jeonghan hyung’s told me a lot about you. I like your eyes! Can I call you Shua hyung?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden and random bout of chatter coming from the boy, but Seokmin’s eyes were lit up with that white gold light and he was so cute that Joshua couldn’t be anything but endeared.

“Sure,” he said amusedly, and marvelled internally at how Seokmin’s eyes crinkled and he seemed to vibrate happily on the spot. “You can call me Shua hyung.”

Seokmin let out a small laugh, delighted. “Shua hyung!” he cried, and then launched himself into Joshua’s arms again, pulling him in for another hug as the elder stumbled back, arms wrapped securely around Seokmin for balance.

Jeonghan had met Joshua’s eyes over Seokmin’s shoulders, face set in a curiously indecipherable expression. When Joshua furrowed his brows, he just grinned, nodding proudly. “Seems like I chose my first-year very well.”

And, well, Joshua couldn’t say anything at that, because Seokmin still had his face buried in his shoulder and he was just so warm and friendly and also because—

Because Jeonghan might have been the tiniest bit correct.

───────────── ‘✦,

Five years later, however, as the Joshua of the present tried to stop Seokmin from drowning his cookie batter in sugar, he wondered whether Jeonghan had, instead, been very, very incorrect.

“Hyung,” Seokmin complained, when Joshua forcibly wrestled the bag of sugar out of his hands. “Hey, Shua hyung, let me help! I wanna help!”

“You can help by staying away from my poor cookies,” Joshua said firmly. 

When Seokmin wilted pathetically, bottom lip jutting out in a pout, he just poked him in the cheek as he set the sugar far out of Seokmin’s reach. 

“Put the pout away, Min-ah,” he said, using the affectionate nickname that always managed to make Seokmin melt and eventually agree with whatever Joshua said. ““Remember the last time I let you do what you wanted with my cookies?”

Seokmin hung his head. “I almost gave everyone food poisoning,” he muttered miserably.

“You almost gave everyone food poisoning,” Joshua agreed. “Besides, you barged into my house at 10 in the morning to demand that I make you cookies. At least let me actually make them, you know?”

Seokmin rolled his eyes, leaning against the counter as he watched Joshua pick up his wooden spoon and continue mixing the batter. “I didn’t barge in. You gave me the passcode.”

“For emergencies.”

“This was an emergency.”

Joshua shook his head. “Whatever you say, Seokmin. Whatever you say.”

“I do say!” Seokmin said, nodding vigorously. “You promised, hyung. And it’s very important that you keep your promises.”

“Because you always keep yours?”

“I do!”

“Then why haven’t you paid me back for all those times I paid for your food back in uni, hm? When you somehow forgot your wallet while going out for dinner with us?”

Seokmin opened his mouth wordlessly, frowning as Joshua chuckled at him. “Hey,” he said finally. “Don’t bring up my dark past like that.”

Joshua laughed properly, and Seokmin’s face brightened into a smile, as if an automatic response to the sound of someone’s happiness. It was kind of cute, and had Joshua laughing again, leaning over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek with a sticky hand.

“Look at you. You’re like an adorable puppy,” he said, grinning at the residue of sticky dough smeared against Seokmin’s cheek when he pulled away.

“Thanks, hyung,” Seokmin chirped. “So does that mean you’ll allow me to help?”

“No,” Joshua said bluntly, heart squeezing with something warm when Seokmin dramatically made a show of looking disappointed. He leaned over and pinched Seokmin’s other cheek, smearing more cookie dough on his skin. “Just sit there and look pretty while I bake them for you.”

Seokmin grinned, all blinding light. “You think I’m pretty?”

Joshua hummed. “Sure. Not when you have cookie dough on both your cheeks, though.”

“Hyung! You—”

Seokmin huffed, rubbing his cheeks and turning his nose up annoyedly at Joshua, before Joshua offered him a cookie dough-covered spoon not seconds later, and he instantly opened his mouth to obediently lick at it. 

“You really are a puppy, huh?” Joshua shook his head, smiling, and turned back to the mixing bowl. “There. Now shh. Eat that and let me finish your oh-so important cookies.”

Was it kind of weird that Seokmin had barged into his apartment because he wanted cookies? Well, yeah, but that was the kind of friend that Seokmin was. And Joshua was the kind of friend to let him.

If Joshua thought really hard about it, there wasn’t actually any real reason for him to be making Seokmin cookies at all, though. 

There was no special event coming up soon, no celebration or holiday or any reason why Seokmin couldn’t make the cookies himself (save for the fact that he may accidentally leave someone horribly incapacitated in the process).

But last night, Joshua had spent several hours on the phone to Seokmin—something which had somehow become a weekly thing for the two of them, which worried Joshua a little but only if he thought about it for too long—and inexplicably, their conversation had turned to cookies. Seokmin had whined that his favourite strawberry and chocolate chip cookies were no longer being stocked in stores, and before Joshua knew it, he’d promised to bake Seokmin those cookies as soon as he could.

Honestly, the things he did for Seokmin.

Joshua looked over at Seokmin again, who had somehow managed to hop up onto his kitchen counter and was now swinging his legs like a little child, chattering mindlessly while watching Joshua make his cookies for him, and he couldn’t hide the exasperatedly endeared smile that tugged at his lips.

Joshua was always doing things for Seokmin, really. He should start making the guy pay for his services.

Probably.

Seokmin made a delighted noise when Joshua scooped him another spoonful of cookie dough to eat, and Joshua tried not to think too much about why Seokmin’s joy made him feel light too.

“There we go,” Joshua announced, setting down a plate of still-warm, home baked strawberry and chocolate chip cookies onto the table, along with a glass of milk. “Your cookies. Now eat.”

Seokmin lit up, and positively beamed up at Joshua, clasping his hands together. “Oh, wow. They look so good.”

Joshua smiled, pulling up another chair and collapsing into it. “Yeah?”

He watched as Seokmin stuffed a cookie into his mouth, eyes instantly widening as he began nodding his head vigorously.

“The best,” Seokmin said honestly, words muffled, and there was a pink stain of strawberry on the corner of his mouth already. “Shua hyung, how are you always so good at baking?”

Joshua didn’t reply, and just watched Seokmin stuff his face with the cookie, laughing a little as the younger sincerely expressed his compliments, words garbled and unintelligible, and smiled and told him to chew his food properly.

For all of their bickering and teasing whenever the two of them interacted, Seokmin was a soft person at heart, sincere compliments spilling from his lips as easy as daylight.

Speaking of daylight, however, the morning had well and truly come and gone, the early afternoon sun spilling through Joshua’s windows and reminding him that Seokmin had been in his apartment for a good five hours now. He ought to kick the man out soon.

“You’re going to choke yourself if you keep shoving them in your face like that,” Joshua said, nudging the glass of milk closer to Seokmin. “Take your time, the cookies aren’t going anywhere.”

“Yeah, and that’s the problem,” Seokmin replied, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk as he sipped the milk. “These cookies need to be in my mouth. Right now.”

Joshua chuckled, leaning back in his chair as Seokmin finished off the last of the three cookies on the plate. The rest of the batch were sitting on the cooling rack, waiting to be put into a container for Seokmin to take home, of course. Joshua wasn’t going to go to all the effort of baking cookies if he was only going to make a few.

“Happy now?” he asked, smiling again when Seokmin nodded fervently, beaming, cookie crumbs around his mouth. Joshua shook his head in faux disbelief. “I can’t believe you forced me to make you those cookies.”

“It’s because I’m Shua hyung’s favourite,” Seokmin sing-songed, grinning cheekily. “I’m your most favourite friend in the entire world.”

“Wrong,” Joshua deadpanned. “That’s Jeonghan.”

“Just because Jeonghan hyung’s your best friend doesn’t mean he’s your favourite,” Seokmin said, and Joshua wanted to point out that it kind of did, but Seokmin was already carrying on. “Speaking of Jeonghan hyung though, don’t forget that he’s taking us all to a restaurant for dinner tonight.”

Joshua blinked, closing his mouth. “Really?”

Seokmin looked at him, head tilted, and then grinned. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“No. Of course not.” Joshua stood up, taking the plate and empty glass and walking into the kitchen. “No I didn’t.”

Seokmin laughed, following Joshua into the kitchen and watching as he washed the crockery. “Oh, you definitely did!” he crowed delightedly, and it was such a Seokmin thing to be delighted by that it had Joshua smiling again, even as he tried to maintain a long-suffering frown. “Can’t believe you forgot all about it. Good thing I reminded you, huh? What would you do without me, Shua hyung?”

Seokmin sounded so endlessly smug, eyes shining for reasons that Joshua couldn’t quite fathom. The warm afternoon light from the windows spilled over his face and gave him a golden glow, and so Joshua finally broke, laughing and drying his hands before ruffling Seokmin’s hair, moving away from the sink and over to the rest of the cookies.

“I dunno. Die?” Joshua suggested, making Seokmin laugh suddenly at the answer.

“Maybe not that extreme,” he said. “You’d probably just miss the dinner that hyung planned to celebrate our friend group’s 2000 day anniversary. Which, actually, on second thoughts, probably would lead to your death,” he added thoughtfully.

Joshua smiled, beginning to deposit the cookies into a plastic container. “In which case, thank you for saving me from certain death, Seokmin.”

“You’re most welcome!” Seokmin said brightly, with a grin. “Do I get a cookie?”

That made Joshua chuckle, looking up from the container to raise his eyebrows at Seokmin. “This entire batch is yours, Seokmin. You can have as many as you like.” 

He placed the container into Seokmin’s hands, and then started walking out of the kitchen.

“Also, you have cookie crumbs all around your mouth.”

Seokmin’s loud whine of annoyance echoed throughout his apartment. “Hyung!”

───────────── ‘✦,

And so that was how Joshua’s morning had gone. Relatively uneventful and, truthfully, rather ordinary (well, as normal as a morning could be when you had Lee Seokmin for a best friend). So Joshua wasn’t truly expecting anything different during dinner that evening.

Their overexcited yells blurred together and echoed noisily throughout the BBQ restaurant, and Joshua laughed into his glass of water as half of the table shouted over each other for some reason or other.

They were getting a fair amount of concerned stares from the general public, which was understandable, because Soonyoung was vibrating like he was due to explode any minute and half of them weren’t even sitting in their chairs anymore, but this was how their dinners out together always went, so Joshua didn’t even bat an eye.

“I’m sure if you strap a jet pack onto the ostrich, then it could definitely fly,” Mingyu was insisting, and Seungkwan stared at him in utter disbelief.

“If you strap a jet pack onto a hippo then it could definitely fly!” Seungkwan screeched, and Wonwoo nodded vigorously in agreement. “Doesn’t mean that ostriches can fly!”

“It does!” Mingyu said, but his eye twitched as he talked. It was a sure sign that he knew he was basically talking nonsense, but Seungkwan looked far too irate to notice. “Flying is when stuff goes into the sky, right? I fully believe that a hippo can fly too.”

Wonwoo’s eye was twitching, too, and definitely not for the same reason that Mingyu’s was. “You think that hippos can fly.”

Mingyu grinned. “I do.”

“I support him!” Soonyoung cried out suddenly, and everyone exploded, eager to take part and voice their opinion.

Their conversation had long ago strayed from being in the realm of anything that made sense, and at the end of the long table that they were all eating at, Jeonghan was quite peacefully picking meat off of his barbeque grill, him and Seungcheol making pleasant conversation and ignoring the shouts coming from next to them.

Joshua shook his head. Typical Jeonghan behaviour.

Ducking his head to avoid Soonyoung’s flailing arms as the younger vehemently defended Mingyu’s (frankly very stupid) opinion, Joshua reached over the table for the bottle of soju, filling up his shot glass and knocking it back, observing his friends with a grin on his face.

So far, the dinner had been going incredibly normally. 

They’d taken part in drinking games, and Mingyu and Seokmin had made a show of cooking the meat for everyone, and the conversation had switched topics hilariously fast a span of fifteen times. 

And Joshua was having a great time. He’d been seated between Chan and Hansol, who were actually rather good people to be seated between, because Hansol ended up dozing off three hours into the dinner and Chan ended up disappearing to sit somewhere on the other side of the table, leaving Joshua in peace to observe and laugh at his friend’s antics.

He’d been doing what he always did at their friendaversary dinners: replace half his shots with water, watch his friends’ drunk arguments (and occasionally interject with one random statement to rile them all up again), and also eat as much beef as possible because, well. Jeonghan was paying. He may as well make the most of it.

Joshua listened to the shaking, booming voice of Wonwoo going “What do you mean you’ve never heard of a penguin before?”, and chuckled. 

Everything was indeed going very normally. 

“Shua hyung,” a voice said in his ear, one bony finger poking right into his shoulder blade before a cold hand pressed against the nape of his neck, making him yelp and turn around.

Seokmin grinned at him from Chan's previously-empty chair, eyes looking a little too bright to be wholly sober.

“Shua hyung,” he said again, his grin full of mischief. “Don’t look so excited to see me. Desperation isn’t a good look on anyone.”

Joshua just rolled his eyes, tweaking Seokmin’s ear for good measure. “As if I’d be excited to see you.” Seokmin pouted, and pressed his entire cold palm against Joshua’s cheek just to be mean. “Hey, don’t put your gremlin hands on me, you brat. Why are your fingers so cold, anyway?”

Seokmin shrugged, holding his hands up and looking at them like he’d never seen them before. “Guess they just get cold really easily.” He looked up, and his smile seemed to widen even further, holding his hands out to Joshua. “Warm them up for me?”

“Warm them up yourself,” Joshua said, but he was already reaching out for Seokmin’s hands, warming his fingers between his palms.

Seokmin just beamed, pleased, like he’d known that Joshua would immediately give him what he wanted. Hands still being held by Joshua, he turned back to the rest of their friends, observing them with bright eyes.

He grinned at something that Junhui said, and Joshua watched him, smiling a little. 

There was always just something about Seokmin’s happiness that made one feel happy too. Back when they first met, five years ago, it had been one of the things that had endeared Seokmin to Joshua in the first place.

Joshua looked back at the rest of their friends, listening as Soonyoung was yet again doing his terrifyingly accurate impression of Seungkwan. He smiled, but didn’t pay attention for long, because next to him, Seokmin slipped his hands out of his grip, clapping delightedly and then raised his hands to cover his mouth.

And then Seokmin laughed: loud, brightly, full of golden light as he tipped back in his chair before leaning forward, yelling encouragement to Soonyoung on the other end of the table.

He laughed again, and Joshua just—

Joshua just watched him. 

He was unable to tear his eyes away as Seokmin snorted inelegantly, bursting into fits of laughter and collapsing into Joshua’s shoulder, seemingly unable to hold himself up due to the force of his laughs.

All he could do was stare down fondly at Seokmin, giggling into him. Seokmin, whose eyes had crinkled so they were nothing more than overjoyed crescents, whose laughter was ringing in the air, and even the yells of their friends had become muffled in Joshua’s ears, his focus solely on Seokmin by his side and his bright, unabashed laugh.

Seungkwan said something then, and Seokmin looked up, eyes bright with mirth as he made to stand up. 

“Hey! Seungkwan!” Seokmin yelled, getting up from the chair and leaning on the table. “Look, you—”

And then he cut himself off, bursting into laughter as Soonyoung said something, arms waving in the air, and Seokmin hurried over to them before Seungkwan could get his hands around Soonyoung’s throat, still laughing the entire time. 

“Hey, let me go! Let me go after Soonyoung hyung! This guy deserves it for sure—”

Seokmin was waved off by Seungkwan, but he still kept a close distance, hovering over the younger with his face crinkled into a smile and seemingly unaware of how he'd left Joshua with his head in shambles on the other side of the table. 

And Joshua… well, Joshua had realised something.

Seokmin’s laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that Joshua had ever heard.

Which was a good thing, Joshua mused, watching Seokmin from across the table, watching him say something and then burst into laughter at his own words. Seokmin was a chronic smiler and chronic laugher, and could never be seen without his lips curling upwards at something or other, letting out at least a small snuffle of a laugh.

Joshua had heard Seokmin laugh hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Never before had he realised how good Seokmin’s laugh sounded, though. Or how good he looked when he laughed.

Happiness was a good look on Seokmin.

Sometimes, his laughter scrunched his face up hilariously, and sometimes, it turned into loud shrieks more than actual laughs. Even so, Joshua thought it was rather endearing, and still sounded like golden chimes in a spring breeze.

It would be incredibly easy to fall in love with a laugh like that.

Joshua froze, mind going blank as Seokmin tilted his head back, laughing and smiling widely, his golden laughter ringing in his ears. 

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Alright, you three, shut up,” Jeonghan finally interrupted, seemingly having had enough of their fighting. “You’re gonna give me a headache. And you’re going to wake poor Hansol up,” he added, gesturing to Hansol who was still sleeping in the chair next to Joshua.

Seungkwan whined immediately. “Hyung! Soonyoung hyung’s doing crazy stuff again!”

“So is Seungkwan!”

“I know,” Jeonghan said, “but you’re both being ridiculous. Sit down. Why don’t we play a nice, quiet game?”

“Or,” a voice said, “you can leave.”

One of the restaurant workers was frowning at them, and handed Jeonghan the bill. 

“In fact, please leave.”

Jeonghan blinked down at the bill in his hands, before his eyes widened and he made a slight distressed sound. “Who ordered this much beef?” He looked around, eyes wide. “Who ordered all of this?”

Seungcheol grabbed his arm before he could work himself up into a fit. “We’ll be on our way, thank you,” he said to the server, bowing. “Our apologies. Jeonghan, come on, you said you’d pay.”

“I’m not paying for all of this,” Jeonghan said stubbornly, even as Seungcheol pushed him towards the desk. “Cheol, split it with me. Look at this! This is crazy! I swear, when I find out who ordered three different cuts of wagyu beef I’m gonna—”

Their gathering split up rather quickly after that, though it did look like Wonwoo had a difficult time trying to drag an incredibly drunk Chan out of his seat. Joshua was rather grateful though, partly because he didn’t want to stick around if Jeonghan managed to catch a whiff of who’d ordered the most expensive meat on the menu, and partly because it would give him the chance to process the sudden realisation he’d just had.

Jihoon was putting very little effort into dragging Soonyoung away from Seungkwan, while Mingyu was bodily hauling the younger man out of the restaurant. The sight would have made Joshua laugh, only he was too occupied with gathering all of his own things and booking it out of the restaurant and back home as soon as possible.

“Shua hyung!”

A hand suddenly squeezed Joshua’s arm, making him whip his head upwards, almost knocking right into Seokmin’s chin as the younger leaned over him.

“Oh my g—Seokmin,” Joshua said, stepping back a little so they weren’t practically nose to nose. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, and then grinned. “Are you walking home, hyung?”

Joshua looked over at the counter, where Jeonghan seemed to still be arguing with Seungcheol about splitting the bill. “Probably,” he said. “It looks like those two’ll be arguing for a while. It’ll be, like, three in the morning by the time Cheol drops me back off if I wait for them to be done.”

Seokmin’s lips twisted, eyes round with concern. “You shouldn’t be walking home by yourself at this time of night, hyung.” His face lit up. “D’you wanna come with us instead? Myungho and Junhui hyung are driving me back home. I’m sure they could drop you off too.”

His first instinct was to say yes, of course and that would be great, but his heart was racing unusually fast in his chest, and looking at Seokmin’s bright, earnest eyes for even a second too long made Joshua feel all warm and melty inside, and considering the obscene amount of alcohol he’d consumed (even with his half-water scheme going on) it probably wasn’t a good idea to spend a whole car ride next to Seokmin.

“No thanks,” Joshua said, rather too hurriedly, and then looked down to adjust his shoulder bag, embarrassed at his own abrupt answer. “I mean—I don’t live that far away. I’ll be fine.”

Seokmin looked at him for a long moment, and he must have been more drunk than Joshua thought, because his eyes were coloured with a glittering expression that made him pause.

Seokmin looked almost disappointed.

And then he blinked, and the expression was gone, replaced with a slightly lopsided grin as he pulled Joshua in for a hug then instantly stepped away, wringing his hands together. “Well, goodnight then, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said. “I’ll see you?”

Joshua managed to dredge up his own smile, giving a small wave. “Yeah. See you, Min-ah.”

So Joshua bid him goodnight and the rest of them goodbye, and walked out of the restaurant, his heart thumping in his chest, Seokmin’s smile glowing in the back of his eyes.

And the knowledge that he was in love with Seokmin etched into his brain.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua and Seokmin’s friendship went something like this.

They teased, bickered, pinched each other’s elbows and pressed palms against faces. They doted, coddled, cared for each other and talked over the phone until the wee hours of the morning. Seokmin would whine for something, and Joshua would give it to him. Joshua wouldn’t even have to say a word, and Seokmin would be reaching out to hold him, in an instant knowing exactly what Joshua needed.

Seokmin was loud, almost obnoxiously so, but when Joshua went out seeking solace he went to Seokmin first, because Seokmin was always, always soft and comfortable for Joshua.

Joshua sat down on his couch and stirred the sugar into his coffee with a teaspoon, frowning down at it thoughtfully.

Jeonghan was Joshua’s best friend. The other half of his soul.

But even if Jeonghan was half of Joshua’s soul, then Seokmin was the soul that was made to fit with Joshua’s. Not an identical copy of his own, but something that melted and moulded into his edges, slotting together as if they’d been designed to fit into each other all long, like they were—

“Puzzle pieces,” Joshua said to himself, smiling a little fondly. Seokmin was terrible at puzzles. 

He couldn’t help but think of that one jigsaw puzzle that Jeonghan had bought Seokmin for his birthday, and the two of them had bickered for fifteen minutes straight on whether Seokmin would actually be able to complete it. Seokmin said that of course he could, and Joshua said he definitely could not.

(In the end, it turned out that Seokmin could not, but Joshua helped him finish it anyway.)

When Joshua pushed, Seokmin pulled.  Where Joshua was cat-like, easy grins and quick thoughts, Seokmin was puppy-like, bright and boundless energy and endless kindness. Seokmin could never say no to anyone, and while Joshua was getting a little better at it, he could still never say no to Seokmin.

A myriad of not-quite contradictions, of almost-opposites and nearly-differents. Of “Shua hyung?”s and “Yes Seokmin?”s and “Nothing, I just wanted to see if you were still listening to me”s.

Soulmates, but in the truest sense of the word—the person whose soul was meant to reside next to his.

Joshua set down the teaspoon, frowning thoughtfully. When he put it like that, it did sound an awful lot like they were in love. Perhaps he should’ve realised he’d fallen for Seokmin a lot sooner.

Because that was what it was, wasn’t it? Joshua had fallen for Seokmin, perhaps long, long ago, fallen for his entire being and everything he was.

And it took him listening to Seokmin’s laugh to finally realise.

His phone rang, then, a wonderful tune of Jeonghan screaming really loudly that the man had set as the custom ringtone for himself, and with a sigh, Joshua set down his coffee and picked up. 

“What do you want?” 

“Let’s go out.” 

“No thanks. I’m flattered, Han, but I don’t like you in that way.” 

“Idiot,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua chuckled. “Come on, let’s go for a walk down the river.” 

Joshua hummed, looking down at his coffee, tracing a finger over the rim of the mug. “What if I have plans? And what if I don’t want to go out?”

“Joshuji. If you were busy, you wouldn’t have picked up so fast,” Jeonghan said, tone patronising, like this was obvious. “It’s a very nice day for a walk today, you know. Also, Seungcheol’s coming. We all wanna go on a walk together, so join us.”

That made Joshua wrinkle his nose. “No thanks. I don’t have plans to be a third wheel today.”

There was a pause.

“I’ll ask Seokmin to come too.”

Joshua blinked, and then cursed his own heart for jumping hopefully at the mere mention of Seokmin’s name. “And why are you telling me that?”

“Just because,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua could almost picture his flippant shrug. “He said he hasn’t seen you in a week. Have you been avoiding him, hm?”

“No,” Joshua said, and then coughed. Jeonghan hummed sceptically at his words.

“Sure.”

“Why would I be avoiding him?” Joshua continued. “He can come invade my home whenever he wants. He’s done it before. I’m not avoiding him.”

Joshua was definitely avoiding him.

It had been a week since their friendaversary dinner, and Joshua hadn’t seen Seokmin once, too preoccupied with sitting on his couch, staring blankly at the wall and contemplating the fact that he was in love with Seokmin.

He couldn’t bring himself to see Seokmin, not just yet—not before he was sure that he wouldn’t do something utterly ridiculous when they next saw each other. He wasn’t keen on abruptly professing his love the moment he saw Seokmin’s face. Or ruffling his hair and kissing his cheeks and staring, wide-eyed and in awe as Seokmin did something painfully ordinary, like breathing or being alive or just smiling even remotely in Joshua’s direction.

Joshua blinked rapidly as suddenly, his thoughts conjured a vivid image of Seokmin beaming at him, his sunshine smile glowing prettily in his mind’s eye.

“Maybe Seokmin wants you to be the one to come and see him first,” Jeonghan suggested when Joshua didn’t say anything.

Joshua ignored him, dragging a hand down his face. “Why would you telling me that Seokmin’s coming change my answer, though?”

“Oh, it will,” Jeonghan said cheerfully. “I know things, Shuji. So come on out, we’ll meet at the front of Cheol’s house in fifteen minutes. See you.”

He hung up, then, leaving Joshua to stare down at the blinking contact, shaking his head and wondering whether Jeonghan actually knew something or if he was just being Jeonghan yet again. 

And then, he got up from the sofa and went to his room to get ready.

───────────── ‘✦,

Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat.

“Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat,” Joshua muttered, watching as Jeonghan walked away, arm slung over Seungcheol’s shoulders. It was a bit of a struggle, because Seungcheol was one broad guy, but Jeonghan managed.

Of course he did. He'd do anything to ensure the success of his schemes, and this was all part of his ploy to abandon Joshua with Seokmin.

Seokmin, who was pressed close to his side, as they both watched Jeonghan and Seungcheol walk away.

Seokmin, who just turned to Joshua with a bright smile, seemingly undeterred by Jeonghan’s horrific betrayal. 

“Well,” he chirped, eyes crinkling prettily, and suddenly Jeonghan’s betrayal didn’t feel so bad. “Guess we get to spend the rest of the afternoon as just the two of us!”

Indeed they did.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol had been with them for a total of forty five minutes before suddenly, an inescapable emergency emerged, one that urgently required both of them to rush home and leave Seokmin and Joshua alone. Not before insisting that they had to finish the walk together, of course.

Cursing Jeonghan inwardly, Joshua plastered a smile onto his face, a smile that softened into something a little more genuine as Seokmin continued beaming.

“Yeah. Seems like it’s just us.”

The gentle rushing sounds of the river seemed to gurgle in harmony with Seokmin as the younger resumed his chattering, the two of them continuing their leisurely strolling alongside the river.

It really was a nice day for a walk. Joshua hadn’t really had the chance to appreciate how pleasant everything was that day, too busy avoiding Seokmin and even trying to squish himself between Jeonghan and Seungcheol so that he didn’t have to talk to Seokmin for too long and stare into those pretty, pretty eyes.

But now Joshua had no choice but to walk with Seokmin and so, accepting his fate, he was able to look around and acknowledge that today truly was a nice day.

The sun shone brightly, glistening and glinting off of the waves of the river, off of the leaves of the trees, off of the sparkles in Seokmin’s eyes. There was a pleasant breeze, rustling the reeds and ruffling Seokmin’s hair and giving him an adorably windswept fringe that he kept brushing back with one, delicate finger. It was a nice day to look out at the picturesque river, at the general public going about their daily business, at Seokmin’s adorable eye crinkles as he animatedly told a story.

Okay. Maybe Joshua spent half the time staring at Seokmin’s face rather than doing anything else.

It was kind of unavoidable, however, given the way that Seokmin was comfortably pressed into his side, his hands warm as they tucked themselves into the crook of Joshua’s elbow, clinging to him in a way that Joshua, admittedly, thought was very adorable. And Seokmin kept talking, his voice bright and bubbly and every time he smiled, Joshua had no choice but to direct his full attention to Seokmin and Seokmin only.

“And I just watched them the entire time, seeing what they would do after they saw the seagull slip on the log and fall off. Because surely they’d try to go around the log, right? But then the ducks just—” Seokmin cut himself off, one hand coming up to muffle the laugh that escaped his lips, and Joshua found himself smiling too.

“The ducks did what?”

“They just waddled up to the log and one by one slipped off and landed into the water,” Seokmin laughed, and mimicked a duck’s waddle with his head before putting on a dramatically surprised face and pretending to fall into imaginary water.

It had Joshua laughing, endeared, steadying Seokmin as the younger stumbled into him. They really were walking quite close together.

This was the unfortunate thing about being friends with a Lee Seokmin for five years. The man developed a complete lack of understanding for something called ‘Joshua’s personal space’. 

It was a concept that didn’t exist. Not to him, not when they’d known each other for far too long after Jeonghan had introduced Joshua to him all those years ago. For Seokmin, it was totally natural to be practically walking together as one person with Joshua as they made their way down the riverbank. Totally normal for him to be leaning into Joshua most of the time, rather than actually standing on his own two feet.

Joshua wouldn’t normally have a problem with it. He was well aware of Seokmin’s clinginess, and would either respond by pushing him away or letting him do what he wanted, without thinking too much about it.

Now, though. Now things were different. 

Because he was in love with Seokmin, and that made everything a lot harder.

“Did you know that ducks are half-nocturnal?” Seokmin said abruptly, and Joshua blinked.

“I did not know that,” he said. “Why do you know that?”

Seokmin just shrugged casually, his shoulder bumping against Joshua’s. “Got bored,” he said. “Remember, like, a month ago, when you just kept talking about all your different cousins for an hour straight and you accused me of not listening to you?”

“I do. You started sulking.”

“Yeah!” Seokmin grinned, like it was no big deal. “Well, I lied to you, hyung. I wasn’t listening. I was searching up duck facts.”

“Wow.” Joshua stared at him. “You’d choose searching up duck facts over listening to your own hyung talk? I’m hurt, Seokmin. How could you?”

Seokmin only laughed, reaching out for Joshua when the elder dramatically ripped his arm away from his hold, beginning to speed-walk down the path away from him. It didn’t take long for Seokmin to catch up with him again, latching himself to his side once more, even when Joshua refused to look at him.

“Shua hyung, I didn’t mean it like that,” Seokmin whined, pouting. When Joshua didn’t react, he whined again. “Shua hyung! Hey, hey, pay attention to me.”

Joshua steadfastly avoided looking over at Seokmin. Part of it was to keep up the act of being mad at him, but part of it was because if he looked over at Seokmin at that moment, there was a good chance that Joshua would simply combust on the spot.

When Seokmin pouted like that with his huge, round puppy eyes and made those whining sounds in the back of his throat, it was so utterly endearing that it took everything in Joshua to not just fall to his knees right then and there. Seokmin was quite easily one of the most adorable people that Joshua knew, and what made matters worse was the fact that Seokmin didn’t really seem to know just how adorable he really was.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin said again, very sadly, and Joshua finally looked at him. The moment they made eye contact, Seokmin’s entire being positively lit up, and Joshua had to look away again.

Goodness. It was so hard being in love.

“Alright, I forgive you,” Joshua said, before Seokmin could do something ridiculous like pout all pathetically and whine out a sad Shua hyung again.

“Cool!” Seokmin said instantly, beaming, the earlier sadness wiped from his expression like it never even existed in the first place. “That’s good, ‘cause you’re my favourite hyung, Shua hyung, so I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Seokmin sounded like he was teasing, when he said it like that, but Joshua couldn’t be too sure. Thinking about it for too long made his head feel all dizzy.

Woah. This really wasn’t good.

While Joshua didn’t necessarily dislike being in love with Seokmin, because it was impossible to put the word ‘dislike’ and ‘Seokmin’ in the same sentence, it dawned on him now that it made it very hard to function normally around the younger man. It made him feel all melty and gooey inside whenever Seokmin so much as looked over at him, and when Seokmin smiled, Joshua could feel himself melt and could hardly even think straight for several seconds after.

But, well. Seokmin was grinning widely at him, tugging his arm to pull him along the path and saying there was normally a very nice lady selling roses on the riverbank and wouldn’t Shua hyung like a rose too?, and he was being just so very Seokmin that it made Joshua smile.

“Of course,” he said, chuckling, as Seokmin slipped his hand into his and they began jogging down the path. “Of course I’d love a rose. Only if you’re paying, though.”

───────────── ‘✦,

“I'm in love with Seokmin,” Joshua declared, loudly, the moment he opened the door to Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s shared apartment.

Seungcheol blinked at him from the hallway, a half-eaten slice of toast on the floor from where he’d dropped it in surprise at Joshua's sudden entrance.

“Um. Nice to know?” he said. “Took you long enough, though.”

Joshua blinked back at him. “Where’s Jeonghan? Why are you here?”

“Hey. I live here, you know,” Seungcheol pointed out, before bending down and picking up his slice of toast. He winced down at the crumbs. “Dang, that’s gonna bring in ants. Also, why are you here?” he asked, in Joshua’s direction. “And how did your date with Seokmin go?”

“It was not a—wait, if you knew I wasn’t in love with Seokmin yet, why did you set us up like that? How did you know I’d fall in love with him in the first place?”

“Because you’re you,” Jeonghan said, emerging from somewhere with a handheld vacuum cleaner in hand. He handed it to Seungcheol, who stared at him like he was some sort of holy saviour. “And because Seokmin’s Seokmin. It was bound to happen at some point.”

Joshua frowned. “That doesn't make sense.”

“Believe what you wanna believe,” Jeonghan said, shrugging. “Anyway, why did you barge into our apartment like this?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Joshua frowned again. “I hate you for abandoning us today at the river.”

“Hey, we were being helpful!” Jeonghan said, over the sound of Seungcheol noisily vacuuming up the crumbs. “Did you not have a good time? Seokmin even bought you a rose, it seems.”

“What?” Joshua looked down at the plastic-wrapped rose in his hands. He’d come straight from his walk with Seokmin to Jeonghan’s apartment, and he’d completely forgotten that he was still holding the rose. “How can you be so sure that Seokmin bought it for me? Maybe I bought it for myself.”

Jeonghan smiled, all-knowing. “This is Seokmin we’re talking about, Joshuji.”

“So?”

“So,” Jeonghan said, “you should come in. Or do you wanna stay by the doorway forever?”

Fifteen minutes later, Jeonghan had ushered him into the living room and seemed to be attempting to stuff Joshua with all the snacks in the world before he left.

Joshua sighed. “Come on, Jeonghan, why are you—”

Jeonghan simply shoved a lollipop into Joshua’s mouth, effectively shutting him up. “Shh. Let me do the talking, okay?”

“Hey, I’m the one who came to talk to you,” Joshua protested, taking the lollipop out only for Jeonghan to shove it back in again. “Why are you—What do you even have to say to me—”

“I have a lot of stuff to say to you,” Jeonghan said, and then his face abruptly morphed into a stern expression. “I am very displeased with your behaviour, Joshua-ssi.” He waved a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You haven’t been treating Seokmin well.”

Joshua choked on his lollipop. “What?”

“You’ve been avoiding him,” Jeonghan said, still in that stern tone. 

“Avoiding him? What do you mean?”

Jeonghan straightened, adjusting imaginary glasses and began listing off of his fingers. “First, you talked to Seokmin for a grand total of 7 minutes and 43 seconds during our friendaversary dinner the other week. Out of a five hour gathering? That’s terrible.”

“Were you timing us?”

“Next, you ignore him for a whole week. You don’t call him, nor do you reply to his texts, nor do you even text him first.”

“I never reply to anyone’s texts.”

“And then today,” Jeonghan declared, throwing his hands up like a grand climax, “you did everything in your power to avoid him entirely while we were all walking together. I’m terribly displeased with you, Joshua-ssi.”

Joshua raised a hand confusedly, the lollipop held in the other. “Okay, Jeonghan, what are you talking about? Why are you displeased?” he asked. “Also can we, uh, backtrack a bit? You didn’t fully acknowledge the… thing.” He reddened slightly. “The fact that I have, uh, feelings for… him.”

“Hm?” Jeonghan unwrapped a chocolate, offering it to Joshua before abruptly popping it into his own mouth. “Oh, I knew about that.”

Joshua’s eyes widened. “How?”

“That dinner, for starters,” Jeonghan said with his mouth full. He shook his head at Joshua’s surprise, the ‘you’re being weird right now’ tone clear in his voice. “Honestly, did you black out for the entire evening? You were watching Seokmin the entire time, Joshua. Seungcheol even has a video.”

“I do,” Seungcheol said, his voice appearing out of nowhere right over Joshua’s shoulder, making him jump.

“Oh my—Where did you come from?”

Seungcheol just grinned, whipping out his phone and showing Joshua the video.

And the video was… pretty incriminating. It was a little blurry, made ambiguous by the haze of smoke wafting from the meat and the frankly terrible cameraman-ship, but Joshua could recognise himself easily. 

He watched as video-Joshua sat back in his chair, glass in hand, and there were about five people standing up and yelling at each other on screen but video-Joshua’s gaze was unmistakably, undeniably fixed on Seokmin and Seokmin alone, eyes crinkling adoringly, smiling so ridiculously wide as Seokmin just continued talking, entirely oblivious.

Seokmin said something intelligible, words lost to the noise of the restaurant, but video-Joshua just smiled even wider, eyes turning into endeared crescents and Joshua could almost see the hearts emanating from his own gaze. 

“Huh,” he said weakly, once Seungcheol vanished after showing him the video. Like he was nothing more than a cameo in Jeonghan's entire interrogation, or something. “Well.”

Jeonghan nodded, smug. “Although, I did know even before that,” he added. “I predicted it from the moment you first met him. I wanted to show you the video, though, because it makes it pretty obvious.”

“The mome—you know what, I’m not going to ask,” Joshua said, and then sighed. “Alright, so you know. And you have nothing to say about it?”

“Other than the fact you should stop being mean to Seokmin?” Jeonghan shrugged, taking out another chocolate and eating it. “Nope. You guys would be great together.”

“What?” Decidedly ignoring that last statement, Joshua waved the lollipop he was still holding in Jeonghan’s direction, annoyed, and in answer, Jeonghan just shoved it back in his mouth again. “I’m not being mean to him. When am I ever mean to him?”

He took the lollipop out of his mouth again  and then set it down on the coffee table, ignoring the affronted noise Jeonghan made when the sticky sweet came into contact with the wood. 

This entire conversation was not going how Joshua thought it would. He’d expected at least some degree of surprise from Jeonghan, maybe even a little bit of comfort whilst Joshua had a small mental breakdown in front of him. He certainly hadn’t expected Jeonghan to somehow already know everything, even before Joshua knew. Nor had he expected to be scolded for how he’d dealt with his feelings.

“This past week! I just told you, Joshua-ssi,” Jeonghan said. 

“Can you stop calling me ‘Joshua-ssi’? It makes it sound like you’re mad at me.”

“I am mad at you,” Jeonghan responded, sniffing and turning his nose up. “Okay, but seriously, Seokmin thought that he’d done something wrong. He thought you were upset at him, which is exactly why I made you come out on that walk today.” He stabbed a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You, sir, are terrible at handling your feelings.”

Joshua sighed. “Can you blame me, though? Being in love is—is weird. Seokmin is just so…” He paused, wringing his hands. “He’s so sweet and kind and genuine and realising that you’ve fallen for someone like that is, I think, a very justifiable cause for having a breakdown for a week.”

Jeonghan frowned. “It makes it sound like you don’t think he’d like you back.”

“Of course he wouldn't,” Joshua said, like it was obvious. “He’s Seokmin, and I’m—” Joshua swallowed, a lump rising in his throat. “I’m just me.”

“Just you?”

“Look at it this way,” Joshua explained, since apparently Jeonghan didn’t understand this horribly simple concept of Joshua being literally a potato compared to Seokmin. “Seokmin is a star, a brilliantly shining ball of light. And then this is me.”

Joshua unwrapped one of the chocolates, holding up the brown ball. Jeonghan blinked at it, before taking both the wrapper and chocolate from him, popping the treat into his mouth.

“I still don’t get it,” Jeonghan said. “So what? Chocolate is yummy.”

“I like him too much to risk melting away under his Sun, if I get too close,” Joshua explained, and then shook his head. “Seriously, I like him so much, Jeonghan. Him and his smile and his laugh and that ridiculously loud voice of his…” He smiled slightly, and then sighed. “I like Seokmin far too much to risk even thinking about if he could like me back. It’d ruin our friendship.”

Jeonghan tilted his head. “Is it really that absurd to consider that Seokmin may like you back?”

Joshua thought of Seokmin and his golden smiles, his beautiful bright voice and his gentle hands and his warm presence, and swallowed.

“Yeah,” he said, a little hoarsely. “I think it is.”

There was a short silence then, as Jeonghan bit his lip, seeming to soften a little at Joshua’s answer, a complicated expression filling his eyes.

Then he leaned over and hit Joshua over the head with the chocolate wrapper.

“Hey!” Joshua protested, brushing at his hair. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said matter-of-factly. “You think it’s absurd? I think you’re absurd, Joshuji.” Oh, good, at least he wasn’t calling Joshua ‘Joshua-ssi’ anymore. “You're being a coward. Don’t deny it, it’s true. Taking a whole week to process your feelings? Please. You were just hiding because you were scared.”

That made Joshua wince a little, because Jeonghan was, unfortunately, quite correct.

“Just take that leap,” Jeonghan said, gentler. He poked Joshua in the cheek affectionately. “Jump. Jump towards Seokmin, Joshuji, because I promise, he’ll be there for you. Even if he doesn’t feel the same. Which, I assure you, is highly unlikely.”

Joshua’s eyes melted, irises looking a little shiny. “But what if I jump and just… fall?”

“He’d never let that happen,” Jeonghan promised. “Jump and fall into him, Joshuji. He’s there to catch you.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was only a few days later that Joshua realised Jeonghan had essentially told him to confess. Luckily for Joshua, though, there was no way on Earth that was happening.

“You’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said into his ear. “The biggest idiot I’ve ever met. Even more of an idiot than Mingyu, which is definitely saying something.”

“I’m not doing it, Jeonghan,” Joshua said with a shake of his head. “I don’t know why you thought that I would.”

“I gave you a whole emotional speech and everything! Of course I thought you would!”

Jeonghan had called him five minutes ago, asking if everything had been going well in regards to ‘The Business’, where it had been revealed that Joshua a) had no idea what ‘The Business’ was, and b) had not gone through with it at all.

“Listen, Joshua. Seokmin, he’s always talking ab—” Jeonghan cut himself off again with a frustrated groan. “I’m friends with idiots. All of you are idiots.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Please do it,” Jeonghan said, and now he sounded like he was begging. Joshua didn’t quite know why. It wasn’t like the world would end if he didn’t confess. “For my peace of mind, please confess.”

“For your peace of mind?” Joshua repeated. “What?”

“The weather looks pretty good next weekend,” Jeonghan added. “Seokmin hasn’t gone to the amusement park in a while. He’s always said he wanted to go on the ferris wheel, even though he’s scared of heights. And you know how much of a romantic at heart Seokmin is.”

Joshua frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You know why.” Jeonghan didn’t add anything further to that statement. “Anyway, I gotta go. See you. Make use of this info, okay?”

“What am I even meant to use it f—Jeonghan? Jeonghan?” Joshua looked down at his phone, where Jeonghan had abruptly hung up on him, mystified. He really wished sometimes that Jeonghan would do things that made sense.

He set down his phone, tilted his head back, and sighed. He was sighing an awful lot these days. He was just considering whether being in love could give you some sort of illness that caused excessive sighing when his phone rang again, but this time with a different ringtone: Seokmin’s ringtone.

Joshua had annoying and clingy friends who, apparently, really loved customising their ringtones on his phone.

“Hello, Seokmin,” Joshua said, unable to stop the small smile spreading across his face as the name left his lips. “How are you?”

“Good evening, Shua hyung,” Seokmin chirped, and he sounded so lovely and bright that the smile on Joshua's face widened a little. “I’m doing good! I was just calling because it’s a Friday, and we normally call on Fridays, so I was just—I wanted to call you.” He fumbled with his words, stumbling a bit before hurriedly adding, “Of course, if you’re busy, we don’t have to talk! Since, like, we didn’t call last week, if you don’t want to from now on then I totally respect your decision, you know?”

“No, it’s okay,” Joshua interrupted, before Seokmin could begin spiralling. “I mean. Yes. I’d like that. For us to continue calling, that is.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah,” Joshua said, biting his lip to stop himself from smiling ridiculously wide to himself. “Yeah, really.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said again, after a flusteredly warm silence. He coughed a little. “Um, in which case, I’d really like that too.”

Joshua closed his eyes and leaned back, smiling into the phone and trying desperately to calm down his heart because goodness, it should be illegal for someone to make him feel this fluttery on the inside.

“So, anyway,” Seokmin said, and even Joshua could detect the smile in his voice, “I heard that it’s going to be really sunny for the next week or so! Seungkwan wants to plan a long weekend where we all go to the beach to make the most of the sun.”

“Does he really?” Joshua said, with a laugh. “Just because it’s sunny doesn’t mean it’ll be warm, though.”

“That’s exactly what I told him! But he’s still insisting we go,” Seokmin complained.

“What, all of us?”

“I think so. He’ll definitely drag me along, at the very least. Me and Soonyoung hyung and Hansol and Chan. Chan’s definitely going to ditch, though,” Seokmin said conspiratorially. “I think he’s gonna make up some pretend event that he accidentally double-booked himself with so that he doesn’t have to go.”

“Oh, really?” Joshua said with a laugh. “Seungkwan’s not gonna like that at all.”

Seokmin laughed too, bright and delighted, and if possible, Joshua’s smile widened. “He’s really not. I’m also really hoping he’s joking. Because otherwise, I might have to accidentally double-book myself too so I don’t have to go.”

“What would you double-book yourself with?”

“Hm, well…”

Joshua liked talking to Seokmin. Not only because he was in love with him (a fact he was slowly getting used to, having repeated the words so many times to himself) but because Seokmin was an incredibly fun person.

Without a doubt, every time they talked, Joshua would find himself laughing, either because of something he’d said or in response to Seokmin’s own laughter. 

And as Seokmin continued talking, little laughs escaping him whenever he thought of something particularly funny, Joshua listened intently, the smile still on his face. Seokmin really did have such a wonderful laugh, he thought, a little fondly. Beautiful, like golden bursts of light.

“Poor Hansol’s gonna get dragged into Seungkwan’s whole thing, though,” Seokmin was saying, and then laughed. “He's so whipped that he’ll literally do anything that he wants, no questions asked.”

Joshua chuckled. “That sounds like a very Hansol thing to do.” 

“Yeah,” Seokmin laughed, “So Seungkwan’s telling us to keep next weekend free. So of course, I’m gonna do my best to book up my entire weekend.”

Joshua chuckled, about to say something before blinking, Jeonghan’s weird information dump from earlier suddenly hitting him like a lightning bolt, as if someone had struck him on the head with it to remind him of Jeonghan’s words.

“Hey, Seokmin,” he said after a moment. “If you’re trying to book up your weekend, then do you want to go to the amusement park with me?”

A pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Sorry, sorry.” Seokmin sounded a little wheezy, like he’d run a marathon in those last three seconds of silence. “What did you say?”

“I was asking if you wanted to go to the amusement park with me,” Joshua repeated, trying to keep his voice steady and calm. If he started having a breakdown at that moment, there was a good chance that Seokmin would say no. Maybe. Probably. 

Another pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Yes,” Seokmin replied, the word leaving him as a rush of air. “Sorry, hyung, there was just—something. I had something in my, uh, ear. But yes. I’d love to go to the amusement park with you next week.”

Joshua breathed a silent sigh of relief, the beginnings of a smile making the corners of his lips twitch upwards. “You would?”

“Yeah, of course I would!” Seokmin said a little too quickly, and then coughed. “I mean. Yes. You’re my favourite, how could I not?”

That made Joshua laugh, certain that Seokmin was teasing, just like how they always teased each other. “You’re my favourite too,” he said back, smiling. “Okay, in which case, I’ll book the tickets and text you the details, okay? Would you prefer Saturday or Sunday?”

“Any. We can even go both days so I can avoid Seungkwan’s trip, if you’d like,” Seokmin offered, and Joshua laughed again.

“Got it. Well, I guess it’s a date,” he said, too delighted at the prospect of spending time with Seokmin like this to fully process the words until they had left his mouth.

To his surprise, however, Seokmin didn’t seem to freak out, or pause for a scarily long time that made Joshua rethink his entire life’s decisions.

Instead, Seokmin laughed: a sweet, melting sound, all delicate and tiny, like little stars.

“I guess it’s a date,” he agreed, almost shy. Joshua didn’t get to dwell on it for long, though, because Seokmin was already launching into the next conversation topic that popped into his head, rambling about some new training regiment thing that Mingyu recently dragged him into that left him with an aching body for days on end.

And Joshua listened, the smile dancing across his lips, the blush warm on his cheeks, realising that he’d finally accepted that he was in love with Seokmin, now, and he wanted only one thing.

To stay close, by Seokmin’s side, and jump and fall right into his arms.

───────────── ‘✦,

“So that’s how I ended up securing this date,” Joshua finished, and Jeonghan stared at him, eyes wide, mouth open.

“You actually did it,” he said, the surprise evident in his tone. “Wow. I thought you’d chicken out again.”

Joshua punched Jeonghan in the shoulder, giving the man a wry smile. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said dryly. “This isn’t even a real date, though. I don’t know why you insisted on coming to drop me off.”

The two of them were waiting outside the amusement park entrance, because Joshua had told Jeonghan that he’d booked the tickets for himself and Seokmin, and the man had instantly insisted that he’d drive Joshua there and hear all about how it had happened.

So here they were, chatting and standing around, waiting for Seokmin to arrive. 

Jeonghan shrugged. “I wanted to hear the story.”

“Of course you did,” Joshua said, not unkindly, a small smile raising the corners of his lips. “No but, also, I realised something, during that conversation.”

“What?”

“I had time to think it all over, right? And I was just thinking that I didn’t really want to run away from him,” Joshua explained. He smiled, his gaze distant. “I want to stay close to him. ‘Cause I really, really like him a lot.”

Jeonghan looked over at his best friend, noting the way his eyes had softened in the way they only did when he was thinking about Seokmin. He smiled to himself, before punching Joshua in the arm as payback, shaking the man out of his thoughts.

“Good,” Jeonghan said with a smile. “It’ll break Seokmin’s heart if you try to stay away from him.”

Joshua chuckled. “You’re saying that as if Seokmin has a crush on me.”

Jeonghan wiggled his eyebrows. “He might. Who knows? Maybe he’ll end up falling for your ridiculous charms today.”

Joshua laughed at that, properly, and then punched Jeonghan in the arm just because, prompting the two of them to get into a childish little punching fight. Eventually, Jeonghan conceded with a haughty sniff, as if he’d abruptly decided he was above such petty disputes.

Then he stuck his tongue out at Joshua, making him laugh.

“So, anyways,” Jeonghan said, simply carrying on with the previous conversation as if they’d never stopped, “remember. Seokmin likes the ferris wheel, so take him on it, will you? He might talk about it, but he’ll be too shy to offer to go on it, so you need to be the one who asks,” Jeonghan said.

“Why do I need to take him on the ferris wheel?”

“Because Seokmin wants it.”

“Oh.” Joshua thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Sure. I’ll do that. Anything else?”

Jeonghan hummed thoughtfully, before shrugging. “Nothing that you don’t know already. He loves the snacks. Buy the matching headbands if he so much as mentions them. Don’t go on any roller coasters unless he sounds like he wants to go on them. Make sure that you win him at least one plushie otherwise he’ll sulk for hours.”

Joshua smiled a little at that, because he really did know all of that already. “Got it. It’s a good thing I’m better than you at those fairground games, huh?”

He received another punch on the arm for that comment.

“Shua hyung!”

A bright, delighted voice made him look up, however, and when he finally pinpointed the voice, there was Seokmin, a brilliant beam on his face as he ran over to where Joshua and Jeonghan were standing, and Joshua’s heart positively swelled at the sight.

“Hi,” Seokmin said, a little breathless, when he finally came to a stop beside him. His eyes were shining. 

“Hi yourself,” Joshua said back, smiling. 

Seokmin beamed, before seeming to finally notice Jeonghan’s presence, looking over at the elder who was watching them with a slight smirk on his face. Almost imperceptibly, the smile on Seokmin’s face wavered.

“Oh, Jeonghan hyung. Are you, uh, joining us?” he asked. “Is it gonna be me, Shua hyung… and you?”

Jeonghan blinked, and then chuckled. “No, no. I just came to drop Joshua off, and make sure you arrived safely too. I wouldn’t want to impose on your date.” He patted Joshua on the shoulder, and then pinched Seokmin’s cheek, steadfastly ignoring the way both of them looked a little flushed. “Be safe, you two. Don’t stay out too late.”

“It’s an amusement park, not a club,” Seokmin laughed, and he eagerly waved Jeonghan off, already interlinking his arm with Joshua’s. “Bye, hyung! Drive safely!”

Joshua watched Jeonghan go, and had the pleasure of having a scarily intense conversation through eye contact with him, one that was mainly full of messages of Be good to him and You better take that leap today otherwise I’m coming after you before Joshua finally turned away.

Damn. Jeonghan really could be intimidating when he wanted to.

“Well,” Seokmin said brightly, making Joshua look over at him. He looked like he was glowing with excitement. “Shall we go in?”

His lips lifted upwards, a soft pink curve of happiness, and Joshua smiled too, using their linked arms to ever-so-subtly pull Seokmin just a little closer into his side.

───────────── ‘✦,

“Oh, hyung, look at that! Are those balloons? Are they selling balloons?”

Going to an amusement park with Seokmin, Joshua was quickly realising, was a lot like venturing into a sweet shop with an excitable child.

Chaotic.

Seokmin was a ball of energy, bouncing on his feet and vibrating by Joshua’s side the moment they entered. The golden-brown puppy ears of the headband he was wearing bobbed up and down with his movements as he dragged Joshua around the park by the hand, eagerly pointing towards the man selling large, obnoxious metallic balloons like they were the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Joshua just laughed, letting Seokmin pull him along, the ears of his own headband flopping against his head. He was wearing a headband too, because of course he was, because Seokmin had picked up the white bunny ears and claimed that they fit him so well, so who was Joshua to refuse?

They almost looked like a couple, with their adorable headbands. 

Thinking about it for too long made Joshua feel all squiggly and happy inside, though, so he tried not to think at all and instead let Seokmin do whatever he wanted.

“Can we buy one, Shua hyung? Please?” Seokmin asked, turning to Joshua with big, shining eyes, and really, it was like this entire day was trying to test whether Joshua really would never say no to Seokmin.

“Sure,” Joshua said, smiling when Seokmin’s eyes crinkled delightedly. “Which one do you want?”

Seokmin glowed. “That shiny strawberry one!”

And so, the rest of their date-not-date carried on. Joshua held onto the string of the strawberry balloon, following Seokmin around as the younger man bounced across the amusement park, hyped up on all the sugar that Joshua had been feeding him. Seokmin looked around the park with a child-like fascination, eyes big and round like he’d never been to an amusement park before, and it made Joshua laugh, endeared, offering Seokmin more candy floss and churros and letting Seokmin grab his wrist and pull him through the park.

“I haven’t been to an amusement park in ages,” Seokmin said to him when they were riding the carousel for the third time in a row. He leaned over to Joshua, bobbing up and down slowly on his horse, nudging the elder in the side with a grin. “Thank you for taking me here.”

“Of course,” Joshua replied, eyes crinkling, patting Seokmin on the back. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

Seokmin’s eyes sparkled. The flashy golden lights of the carousel made him look like he was glowing from an ethereal light within as he beamed widely.

“I’m having the best time,” Seokmin confirmed. “Way better than Seungkwan will, anyway.” Joshua tilted his head with a smile.

“Oh?”

“I bet the others are suffering right now,” Seokmin confided gleefully, as his horse gently rose up and down. “Seungkwan managed to beg Junhui hyung and Chan to come with him.”

“Wait. They really went to the beach?” Joshua asked, surprised. 

“Mhm!” Seokmin nodded. “Kwan didn’t let Chan double-book himself, and then he went all sulky on Junhui until hyung caved. And then Hansol’s with him too, because duh.”

Joshua chuckled a little at that. “I can’t believe he went through with it. Well, it certainly is sunny today, so maybe they’ll still have a good time?”

Seokmin laughed. “It’s going to be so cold along the coast,” he said, delighted. “They’re gonna freeze!”

His obvious joy at their friends’ misfortunes was rather adorable, and it had Joshua laughing properly, the squeaky carousel music and Seokmin’s laughter ringing in his ears.

After they’d ridden the carousel thrice, Seokmin took Joshua to the photobooths, and then went hunting for more snacks, adamant about avoiding all the rollercoasters with a determined pout on his face that Joshua, devastatingly, thought was terribly cute. 

Joshua was content to allow Seokmin to dictate whatever they did, paying close attention to the younger’s expressions, dutifully carrying around that strawberry balloon, buying snacks, watching a rip-off ‘Punch and Judy’ puppet show with him, and taking all the pictures for Seokmin whenever he wanted.

That was what they were doing right now, the balloon string tied around Joshua’s wrist so he could use both hands to take pictures of Seokmin with the giant shiba inu plushie that Joshua had just won him.

It had taken him a good half hour along with an obscene amount of money, and he’d almost given up countless times, but Seokmin was vibrating so hopefully by his side, so he’d carried on. Even when the guy manning the coconut shy stall looked at him like he was mad for putting so much effort into a silly fairground game, the look of utter joy on Seokmin’s face when Joshua handed the plushie to him more than made up for the struggle.

And it seemed that it was yet another item to add onto the list of ‘Ridiculous Things That Joshua Hong Would Do For Lee Seokmin’.

“Oh, wow, you look adorable,” Joshua said, amazed, as he looked through the photos he’d taken of Seokmin. “Look. The colours of your headband’s ears match the plushie, too.”

Seokmin leaned over, chin resting on his shoulder as he peered at the photos. “Oh, you’re right!” He laughed delightedly as Joshua handed the camera back to him. “Thank you so much, Shua hyung. These are so pretty.”

Joshua chuckled. You’re prettier, he wanted to say, but he swallowed the words down, smiling. 

“It’s ‘cause the plushie is so pretty,” he teased, laughing as Seokmin glared at him. “Why? Do you not like it? Should I take the plushie away?”

Seokmin danced out of Joshua’s reach as the elder made as if to take the toy out of his arms. “No! No, never! You gave it to me, so it’s mine now,” he said, incredibly seriously, squishing the plushie protectively against his chest. “No take-backsies.”

He glared in faux anger, and Joshua laughed, relenting, putting his hands up placatingly. “Okay, okay, I won’t. Are you gonna give the plushie a name?”

“Hmm.” Instantly, the glare melted from Seokmin’s face, replaced by a thoughtful look as he drifted closer to Joshua again, patting the head of the shiba inu, bumping shoulders with him as he did so. “I’m not sure.”

“How about ‘Mingyu’?” Joshua suggested, grinning, chuckling when Seokmin elbowed him in the side. 

“Never. He doesn’t get the honour of having the same name as something that Shua hyung won me,” Seokmin said, pursing his lips thoughtfully as he held the shiba inu up. “How about Seokmin Junior?”

Joshua wrinkled his nose at that, shaking his head. “No. That’s a terrible idea.” 

Seokmin pouted, and Joshua just pinched his cheek affectionately, still thinking. He crossed his arms, and the movement made the metallic balloon (still tied to his wrist) shift too, the floating, bubblegum-pink strawberry balloon bumping against the side of his head. He looked over at it thoughtfully as he swatted it away.

“How about,” he said after a moment, “How about ‘Berry’?”

“Berry?” Seokmin repeated, and then looked at the plushie contemplatively. “Berry the shiba inu.” He looked up at Joshua, grinning. “I love it! It can be Berry the shiba inu.”

Joshua smiled, endeared by Seokmin’s sheer happiness as the younger hugged the plushie tight, pressing a kiss to its soft forehead. And then, because he couldn’t help it, he reached over and ruffled Seokmin’s hair fondly, and began to lead them away from the coconut stall.

“Alright. Where do you wanna go next, Seokmin?”

───────────── ‘✦,

They ended up in the line for the spinning teacups ride.

It was well and truly the afternoon now. They had been there since late morning, and Joshua’s feet kind of hurt from the amount of walking and standing they’d been doing, and even Seokmin was beginning to look a little uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot.

Nevertheless, neither of them suggested going back home, and Joshua couldn’t help but feel a little touched at the notion that Seokmin wanted to spend time as just the two of them just as much as Joshua did.

So here they were, patiently waiting in line, because Seokmin had suddenly gotten an eager, shining look in his eyes and insisted that he wanted to ride the spinning teacups even when Joshua had told him that it might make him sick. But Seokmin had been adamant, so here they were, leaning against the railing and watching the people getting into the teacups.

“Remember when we all went to the amusement park a few summers ago?” Seokmin was asking. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, vibrating. “It was so hot that day, and half of the rides had been shut down for maintenance, but we made the most of it.”

Joshua smiled a little. It had been a fun outing. They didn’t go out with all thirteen of them often, because it was a huge group of people to manage, but whenever they did, they split up into smaller groups for most of the day. 

“You weren’t in our group, unfortunately,” Seokmin carried on, a smile spreading across his face as he reminisced, “but, oh, I really wish you had been! Myungho lost a game of rock, paper, scissors and had to be the one to go on this teacup ride with Jeonghan a total of seven times in a row. Seven!”

Joshua laughed as Seokmin animatedly recounted the event, his eyes round and earnest as he delightedly told Joshua all about how queasy Minghao had felt afterwards and how as karma, later on, Jeonghan ended up getting utterly soaked on the water boat ride.

Seokmin always recounted every story like it was the most important thing in the world, with a sincerity that was rather adorable, and Joshua would be lying if he denied paying attention to the gentle curl of Seokmin’s lips and the way they softened into the most endearing pout as he formed certain words. 

He had a very soft mouth, Joshua thought idly. Despite the amount of talking Seokmin did, Joshua thought he had very kissable lips.

It would probably ruin a thousand things if he leaned in and kissed Seokmin right then and there, unfortunately, but oh, how much Joshua really, really wanted to.

Stars in his eyes, he watched as Seokmin talked animatedly, seemingly oblivious to the way that Joshua's entire inner monologue was nothing more than a chant of “please kiss me please kiss me please kiss me” repeating over and over again. 

“So,” Seokmin finished, clasping his hands together, and Joshua finally zoned back into his ramblings. “I’m hoping our experience goes better, hyung!”

Joshua blinked, having heard the words that Seokmin was saying but only able to think of how utterly adorable he looked with his eyes shining like that. So as Seokmin beamed, bright and beautiful, he just smiled, reaching over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek, endeared.

“Of course,” Joshua said, and then winked cheesily. “Don’t worry. I’m here to protect you, Min-ah.”

Seokmin stared at him, his gaze coloured with playful disgust and another emotion that Joshua couldn’t quite name. He was about to say something else before the line finally started moving again, and it was at last their turn.

“Oh, hyung! Hyung, it’s finally us!” Seokmin exclaimed, delighted, the earlier emotion completely dissolving, replaced by giddy excitement. “Come on, we gotta go sit in the cup that spins the most!”

Seokmin dragged Joshua into the teacup that he claimed he’d seen spin the fastest, and after the brief safety introductions, the ride finally began.

“We have to spin it as hard as we can, okay,” Seokmin said, incredibly seriously. “Okay, hyung? Can you do that?”

“Of course. Can you?” Joshua teased, and Seokmin rolled his eyes. 

“Duh! Hey, move over, you're taking up so much room on the wheel. Why are your hands so big?”

“As if you don't have huge hands too, Seokmin-ah—”

They bickered over having enough space on the wheel to spin it properly, but it didn’t take long for them to get going.

Seokmin relinquished control over the wheel a few seconds into the ride and Joshua ended up with both hands on it, spinning them around at a rate that was definitely not good for anyone's stomach because Seokmin kept on insisting they go as fast as possible even though he genuinely sounded close to tears and—well. This was the reason that Seokmin didn't go on rides often. 

He was screaming with laughter, mouth open wide and refusing to close, and Joshua hardly thought he was able to breathe with how much he was laughing. Seokmin’s hands had slipped from the wheel and had instead found purchase in Joshua's shirt, doing nothing other than clinging to him and curling into his side, still screaming the entire time, sounding like he was both scared out of his mind and having the time of his life.

“Seokmin? Seokmin! Should I slow down?” Joshua yelled, because the wind was whipping in his ears, and he was sure that they looked like utter idiots to anyone who was watching them in the line.

Seokmin just screamed even louder, eyes squeezed shut, shaking his head rapidly and holding Joshua’s shirt like a lifeline. “If you slow down, I’m going to kill you!”

Joshua just laughed, tugging the wheel so hard that he almost sprained his wrist, but it made Seokmin yelp and squeeze himself further into Joshua’s side, the screams dissolving into laughs, and the bright, overjoyed sound was all that filled Joshua’s ears. 

It was beautiful. Joshua was reminded, yet again, just how much he loved Seokmin’s laugh.

If it were up to him, then for as long as he lived, Joshua would make sure that Seokmin would always, always have a reason to laugh like this.

Eventually, the ride came to a stop, and Joshua let the wheel go, allowing the teacup to slow down at its own pace, the pink-fond chuckles lingering on his lips as Seokmin continued laughing, forehead pressed against Joshua’s shoulder.

“Oh, my God,” Seokmin breathed out in between giggles, breathless from how much he’d been laughing and screaming. “Wow.”

They exited the teacup, wobbling and stumbling around like baby deer on new, spindly legs, and Seokmin just giggled uncontrollably at his own uncoordinated state.

“We left the stuff over there, Seokmin,” Joshua said, staggering forward on unsteady feet towards where they’d left the shiba inu and the giant strawberry balloon and their headbands, because Seokmin had fretted that they'd lose them if they wore them on the teacups. 

He tugged on Seokmin’s arm, because the man was walking in the completely opposite direction. The younger stumbled into him with a giggle. 

“I knew that,” Seokmin laughed, and he sounded mildly drunk, the sound giddy and loud and making Joshua chuckle. As Seokmin grasped the balloon tied to the fence, however, he tripped on his feet, hands giving the balloon a sharp tug and suddenly, somehow, there was a loud pop as the balloon inexplicably burst in Seokmin’s hands.

They both jumped, and Seokmin stared wide-eyed at where the popped balloon pieces were scattered across the floor, plastic string in his hand, before turning to look at Joshua.

“Oh,” Joshua said, after a moment, and that was all it took for Seokmin to start giggling.

“It popped,” he laughed, almost in disbelief. “Hyung, the balloon popped!”

“What did you do?” Joshua asked, laughing a little as he shook his head, amazed. “How did you manage to pop the balloon just like that?”

Seokmin shrugged, giggles subsiding as he just grinned at the string in his hands. “I dunno. That’s so weird.” He pouted suddenly. “Aw, no, that means my strawberry balloon’s all gone.”

“There, there,” Joshua said consolingly, placing the puppy ears back on Seokmin’s head before picking up the plushie and handing it towards him too, beginning to lead them out of the spinning teacups area—albeit rather slowly, since they were both still wobbly on their feet. “But look, you still have Berry the shiba inu with you, don’t you?”

Instantly, Seokmin brightened, though it took a second for him to be able to hold the plushie without dropping it. He blinked his eyes hard several times, gaze focusing and unfocusing on the shiba inu as he pouted in concentration to get his vision steady again. Joshua could almost see the little cartoon birds flying in circles around his head as he kept a wobbly pace next to Joshua, grinning dopily down at the plushie before directing that same grin up at Joshua too.

Adorable.

It took several minutes, along with a good sitting-down session on a nearby bench, but eventually both of them stopped feeling like the world was being rattled around like a snow globe, and they sat side by side in comfortable silence as they watched the people walk by.

The sky was streaked with yellows now. It was nearing the end of the day, and Joshua calculated that they probably had time for one last game or snack before they eventually had to leave.

Then, his date-not-date with Seokmin would be over.

Hm. Joshua glanced over at Seokmin, heart twisting sadly. That was a sad thought.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, nudging Seokmin in the side, “we’re gonna have to leave soon. Is there anything you want to do before we have to go?”

Seokmin turned to him, and Joshua had the wind knocked out of him for a second because wow, Seokmin was so pretty. The sun hadn’t dipped quite low enough for it to be classed as a sunset just yet, but the grey-yellow light across Seokmin’s face brought his cheekbones into sharp relief, silvery shadows being painted down his cheeks from his eyelashes every time he blinked, the soft shape of his mouth scrunched up in thought.

Humming contemplatively, Seokmin’s gaze slid away from him for a moment, and now that he was no longer staring right into the eyes of the most beautiful person on Earth, Joshua felt like he could finally breathe a little easier.

“Let’s do something that Shua hyung wants to do,” Seokmin said, smiling, and Joshua’s poor heart jumped into his throat once again. 

“Something that I want to do?” Joshua asked, a little croaky. “Do you not have anything that you want?”

Seokmin just shrugged, smiling, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he ducked his head. “We’ve been doing the stuff that I wanted to do all day,” he said. “We should do something that Shua hyung wants, too.”

Joshua’s lips quirked into a fond smile, and he resisted the urge to tell Seokmin that all he wanted was to see Seokmin happy.

Instead, he just pinched Seokmin’s cheek affectionately, and gazed out at the rest of the park, looking around for something that he’d like to do.

But, as always, his gaze drifted back to Seokmin again. Seokmin, who had his eyes fixed on one certain structure in the distance, looking at it almost wistfully, and Joshua remembered what Jeonghan had told him several hours before.

“How about the ferris wheel?” he suggested softly, and smiled a little at the way that Seokmin instantly whipped his head round to blink at him, wide-eyed.

“The ferris wheel?”

“Do you not want to?” Joshua asked, double-checking, because while he was 90% sure that Jeonghan would never feed him false information that would make Seokmin uncomfortable, it was always good to make sure that he was really okay with it. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No! No, I—I want to.” Seokmin swallowed, and there were stars in his eyes. “I wanna ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Joshua smiled, heart feeling full to bursting as he reached over and brushed away the hair that fell into Seokmin’s eyes. Then he held out his hand, smiling impossibly wider when Seokmin reached for him without the slightest hesitation.

“Come on, then. Let’s go.”

───────────── ‘✦,

The line for the ferris wheel was relatively short, given the fact that it wasn’t long before the amusement park shut for the day, and Joshua and Seokmin didn’t have to stand in line for long before it was their turn.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Joshua checked for the fifth time as they boarded the carriage. “It goes relatively high, Seokmin. If you don’t want to, then it’s fine.”

Seokmin laughed as they each sat down on a bench in the carriage. “I’m fine, I promise. I think it’s a bit too late to get off, anyways,” he said as the wheel slowly began moving. “Besides,” he added, a little shyer, “I really did want to ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Aw.

“Aw,” Joshua said out loud, and it came out more adoring and in-love than he’d intended. He coughed. “That’s so cute, Min-ah. You wanted to spend time with hyung like this, hm?” he tacked on, grinning teasingly and leaning forward to ruffle Seokmin’s hair and tug at the puppy ears of his headband in an attempt to mask his previous sincerity.

The younger man didn’t pull a face and try to lean away, however, unlike how he normally acted around Joshua’s exaggerated coddling. Instead, he just smiled, eyes crinkling, shoulders rising towards his ears bashfully, and he really looked like a small, shy puppy. 

“Yeah,” he said, the sunlight golden on his face. “Yeah, I did.”

The sun was very much beginning to set now. Yellow light was replaced by something warmer, and the coppery colours spilled in through the windows of their carriage as the wheel continued spinning them all the way to the top.

Joshua checked on Seokmin constantly, making sure that he wasn’t too scared by the heights, but the man seemed to genuinely be having a great time, staring out of the window with wide eyes, Berry the shiba inu sitting forgotten on the seat next to him. 

“It all looks so pretty,” Seokmin said, voice hushed in awe. “Look, hyung, you can see all the places we went to from up here!”

Joshua leaned over to look down at where Seokmin was pointing. “Oh, wow. We’re so high up.” He looked at Seokmin again. “Are you really sure that you’re okay?”

Seokmin laughed a little, raising his gaze to look at Joshua. The golden sunset spilled caramel-coloured light across his irises. 

“I’m really fine,” he promised, eyes crinkling. He reached out for Joshua’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “It’s okay, ‘cause Shua hyung's here with me, isn't he?”

He squeezed Joshua’s hand, once, and then turned back to the window, and Joshua’s ears positively burned.

The wheel spun them a total of three times, and on the third round, Seokmin finally leaned away from the window, sitting back in his seat and beaming at Joshua. Joshua blinked back, and tried to pretend that he hadn’t been gazing adoringly at him the whole time.

“Thank you for bringing me here today,” Seokmin said, all sweet and sentimental and sincere. “It’s been so much fun.”

“Of course,” Joshua responded simply, smiling. “I’m just glad you had fun, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed, then, and Joshua smiled back, and they sat there smiling at each other for a good few seconds longer before the ferris wheel creaked to a stop at the top of its rotation for the third and final time.

“Oh!” Seokmin’s eyes lit up, and he scrambled to reach for his phone. “We need to take our last pictures of the day before the ride finishes.” He nudged Berry to the side, and then patted the empty space next to him. “Shua hyung, come sit here.”

And so Joshua went, squishing between Seokmin and the plushie, and he’d barely had time to make himself comfortable before Seokmin was huddling even closer into his side, phone raised in front of their faces.

He let Seokmin bully him into as many different poses as he wanted, with v-poses and finger hearts and cute little pouty faces that were utterly adorable on Seokmin. Eventually, Seokmin lowered his phone, but before Joshua could get up and return to his own side of the carriage, Seokmin was holding his hand, interlacing their fingers to keep Joshua by his side.

Joshua looked down at their hands, and then up at Seokmin, but the younger just blinked innocently at him.

“The sunset looks so pretty,” Seokmin said suddenly, and Joshua looked behind him to follow Seokmin’s line of gaze.

And then he looked back at Seokmin, watching the sunset light his skin up gold.

“Very pretty,” he agreed.

Seokmin’s lips twitched up into an almost wistful smile, as his gaze slid away from the window to look at Joshua, eyes sparkling. 

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Seokmin said again, smiling. “I think it’s prettier because I’m here with you.”

Joshua chuckled, squeezing Seokmin’s hand once. “Of course,” he said, and Seokmin smiled even wider. “Anything you see will be prettier because of me, you know.”

Seokmin’s eyes crinkled. “Really?”

Joshua quirked a grin. “I’m just that handsome.” 

The wheel was slowly descending now, the warm sunset light dipping behind the tall amusement park structures, and Joshua had the most beautiful view of the rays brushing and fading away from Seokmin’s face.

“So,” Joshua continued, mesmerised by Seokmin’s smile, “I think you should only see these pretty things with me. So they’ll always look even prettier.”

His words hung suspended in the air, golden and full of eternal promise, and Seokmin’s eyes widened. Joshua’s eyes widened at his own words, too, stunned at how his internal thoughts had somehow escaped his lips, but every syllable rang true. He wanted to see these beautiful things with Seokmin and Seokmin alone.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin whispered, eyes meltingly warm. And then he didn’t say anything else.

He truly was just so beautiful, Joshua thought. With his sunlight-clear smile and those eyes, big and glittering and crystalline: Seokmin’s eyes that captured Joshua’s own and kept him mesmerised, unable to do anything other than gaze adoringly as Seokmin did anything at all.

And those very same eyes were the ones holding Joshua in place right at that moment, so awed that he hadn’t even noticed that Seokmin had drawn closer. He was so close that there was merely a miniscule distance between them, and Joshua could count every one of Seokmin’s lashes again, so close he could see the way they fluttered nervously as he took a quiet breath in.

So close that eventually, the miniscule distance between them became no distance at all.

Seokmin kissed him, gently, slowly, a warm press of lips on lips that had Joshua simultaneously melting and freezing up because Seokmin was kissing him. Seokmin was kissing him.

And, oh, his lips truly did taste as soft as they looked.

It was heart-achingly sweet, and only Seokmin would have been able to kiss him so chastely and yet still make his brain crash and shut down because of it. He wanted to have Seokmin’s lips on his forever, to lick into his plush mouth and find out what Seokmin liked and what he adored, wanted to press him against the wall of the carriage and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him—

Seokmin pulled away, then, before Joshua even had a chance to pull him closer and kiss him in the way that he deserved.

He blinked, dazed, far too disoriented to even think of forming words, and it was a little crazy how Seokmin managed to render him utterly non-functional after such a brief kiss.

Only Seokmin, truly.

But he was staring at Joshua now, eyes bright and almost hopeful, and the terrible thing was that Joshua’s brain was still in its melting, post-’first kiss with the love of his life’ state, and he had no idea what Seokmin could be hoping for.

He coughed, licked his lips, heartbeat thrumming far too loudly in his head.

“Huh,” he said, incredibly eloquently. “Oh.”

It was an “Oh” of utter besottedness, Seokmin having successfully removed Joshua’s ability to form proper words, but it turned out to be the wrong thing to say because he watched, confused and worried, as the light slipped off of Seokmin’s face in an instant.

“Oh,” Seokmin echoed, but the syllable sounded utterly heartbroken as it fell from his lips. “Oh, no.”

Joshua blinked as Seokmin backed away, scrambling to kick-start his brain back into action. “Wait,” he said. “Wait, wh—”

“I’m so sorry,” Seokmin rushed out, and he dropped Joshua’s hand like he’d been burned. “Sorry, sorry, please forget about that, I’m so sorry, I—”

“Wait,” Joshua said again, still not quite comprehending what was going on. “Seokmin-ah, you don’t n—”

He tried to move forward, and Seokmin instantly stumbled back, plastering himself against the back wall of the carriage. It rocked slightly, swinging back and forth, but still Seokmin stayed against the wall, like he wanted to be as far away from Joshua as possible.

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, yet again. “I just— You took me out for this whole day, and I thought— But then I— And then you didn’t— So obviously you don’t feel like that and I’m just so, so, so sorry. I’m so sorry, hyung, please just forget that happened.”

And oh, now Joshua realised, and his eyes widened in panic, because Seokmin had gotten everything completely wrong.

“No, wait, Seokmin, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Seokmin didn’t seem to hear him, continuing to babble apologies over and over again, the syllables blurring together as his eyes also seemed to blur with tears. 

This was really, really not good. Seokmin had leaned in and kissed him, and what had Joshua done? He’d just sat there and let himself be kissed, and when Seokmin pulled away, he’d done nothing but mumble a small “Oh” that could have been interpreted in a whole range of different ways.

And Seokmin had interpreted it in the worst way possible.

Joshua opened his mouth, and had half a mind to just surge forward and kiss Seokmin again to show him the truth when the carriage door swung open, and the park attendant was standing in the doorway and politely asking for them to leave.

Instantly, Seokmin took the opportunity to grab Berry and lunge past him to make his escape, and Joshua wanted to wring his hands together in desperation.

“Seokmin!” Joshua called out, almost tripping over his feet in his haste to exit the carriage. “Seokmin, I— Wait!”

He caught up with Seokmin as he was speed-walking through the park back towards the entrance, resting a hand on his shoulder and hating how Seokmin instantly flinched back.

“Hyung, please—”

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, softly. “Listen to me.”

Seokmin visibly swallowed, holding Berry tight. His eyes were big, almost looking like they were turning down at the edges and, coupled with the ears headband he was still wearing, he looked far too much like a devastated puppy that Joshua felt his heart tighten in his throat.

“Seokmin,” Joshua started again. “You don’t have to feel bad about it. I… I didn’t mind it.”

Joshua smiled gently, but to his horror, Seokmin’s eyes began to well up with tears.

“I really am sorry for what I did, hyung,” he said, voice wobbly. “You don’t have to say those things to try and make me feel better. I’m okay. It’s okay. I know that what I did was wrong so please—please just leave me alone.”

And with that, he stepped back, and began to make a dash towards the park entrance again, leaving Joshua standing there, dumbfounded.

“Wh—Seokmin!”

Seokmin didn’t listen to him. He continued speeding towards the entrance as Joshua called out to him, even as groups of people blocked his path and he walked into a small child more times than he could count.

How had Seokmin managed to misunderstand what Joshua was saying so, so horribly? With a helpless sigh, Joshua watched as Seokmin disappeared around the corner, before promptly apologising to the little girl he’d bumped into and beginning to follow Seokmin again.

Joshua managed to get to the amusement park entrance at last, just as Seokmin seemed to be trying to leave without talking to him at all.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said desperately, jogging up until he was standing in front of him, preventing Seokmin from walking off into the late evening. “Please, listen to me. You don’t have to feel all guilty like this. Let me—”

“Hyung, it’s okay,” Seokmin said, cutting him off yet again, and Joshua wanted to cry in desperation.“It’s okay, Shua hyung, I’m okay. You don’t have to try and comfort me.”

“No, Seokmin, listen, I actually—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Seokmin said, and tried to smile, but his voice trembled too much for it to seem genuine. “I’m so sorry for doing that to you. I’m really sorry, so I hope you don’t feel too d-disgusted.”

His voice hiccupped on the last word, and oh, Seokmin was properly crying now, the sadness spilling out of the corners of his eyes and dimming their shine.

Joshua had made him cry. 

“Just let me go home, hyung, please,” Seokmin said, quiet, and the soft begging tone in his voice made Joshua’s heart plummet to the depths of the Earth.

He swallowed thickly. “At least come home with me and Jeonghan,” he said, giving up on trying to talk to Seokmin about this. “I don’t want you going home by bus, all by yourself. Especially when you’re like this.”

Seokmin didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then nodded, lips pressed tight together as the tears continued silently spilling down his cheeks.

It made Joshua’s throat feel tight. Unthinkingly, he reached over and brushed at the wetness under Seokmin’s eyes, flinching back when Seokmin skittered away at his touch. 

“Sorry,” he whispered, voice thick. Seokmin didn’t reply.

They walked back to the entrance, and Joshua texted Jeonghan to let him know they were finished and wanted to go home. And then, with nothing left to do, they loitered around, waiting for Jeonghan to arrive, a stiff silence falling between them.

There was a great deal that Joshua wanted to say, countless words to explain himself and tell Seokmin just how terribly, terribly in love he was with him. 

This was all a terrible misunderstanding, he wanted to say, and he was totally okay with the kiss. More than okay, and in fact, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Seokmin again and again for all of eternity.

He looked up at Seokmin, who was quivering a few feet away from him, clutching the plushie like a lifeline as he stared resolutely out at the car park. A chill was setting in now that the sun had gone down, but Joshua knew that Seokmin’s shivers had less to do with the cold and more to do with something else.

Couldn’t Seokmin see? Just how much he had Joshua wrapped around his finger? Had him clinging to every syllable that fell from his lips, every twinkle of his eye, every bright, ringing laugh?

It was truly bewildering, how Seokmin apparently had no idea. Joshua wanted to explain this to him, wanted to tell him just how deeply he'd managed to fall for him, but the feelings of warmth and light and clean-cut gold were far too big and precious for words. 

He wanted to try, because he truly would do anything for Seokmin, but right now, there was no point. Not when Seokmin wasn’t in a state to truly understand.

Jeonghan arrived some minutes later, pulling up near the park entrance, and Seokmin wordlessly climbed into the shotgun seat while Joshua sat in the back. Jeonghan beamed, entirely oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

“So, how did your day go?” he asked, all pleasant. “Did you guys have fun?”

Seokmin simply buried his face into the plushie.

“Can you just take me home, please?” Seokmin whispered, voice muffled, but there was no way that Jeonghan wouldn't have been able to hear the tears in his voice. 

Jeonghan’s expression changed, and instantly, he eyed Joshua in the rearview mirror, his gaze a searing accusation. Joshua just winced helplessly, and hoped that the desperation in his eyes could help soften Jeonghan’s glare just a little.

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes, before turning to Seokmin again, gaze softening. “I like your headband,” he said gently, tugging at one brown puppy ear. “They suit you.”

Seokmin didn't look up from the shiba inu. He gave a small, wet sniff. 

Jeonghan looked back at Joshua, observing the white bunny ears headband which were on his head, and then the pieces in his head began to click together, and he raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Joshua just stared back.

Pulling out away from the amusement park, Jeonghan glanced over at Seokmin and then at Joshua through the mirror again, before giving a sigh. The “I’ll talk to Seokmin” was clear in his eyes, and Joshua’s shoulders sagged in relief.

Whilst Joshua really, really wanted to talk this over with Seokmin himself, he knew that Seokmin wasn’t in the right headspace to listen to him. But still, there was a chance that he would be able to listen to his beloved Jeonghan hyung who, hopefully, would be able to express a calm thought process that Seokmin would listen to, even if he wasn’t willing to listen to Joshua.

That was okay, though. Because Joshua didn't even know how he would express his thoughts, other than perhaps screaming “I really really like having your lips on mine and I kind of want to kiss you forever”, and he thought that that maybe wasn't the best way to explain how he felt. 

Thank you, he said with his eyes, when Jeonghan looked back at him again.

Jeonghan just nodded once, and looked over at Seokmin again before turning back to the road. 

The car was silent for the entire ride back.

───────────── ‘✦,

“I’m already on it,” Joshua said, when he opened the door to Jeonghan standing on his doorstep the next morning.

Jeonghan blinked, and then shut his mouth with an audible click, nodding approvingly and stepping into Joshua’s apartment. “Good,” he said. “I’m proud of you, Joshuji.”

Last night, Jeonghan had dropped Joshua off home first, with a silent message of “We’ll talk tomorrow” in his eyes. It had been clear that Jeonghan had wanted to spend that evening talking with Seokmin first, which Joshua thought was a good idea since Seokmin had definitely been the most visibly distressed out of them.

Even now, though it had been over twelve hours since Joshua had last seen him, the memory of Seokmin’s tears still made his chest feel tight.

As it was, he hadn’t had the chance to talk to Jeonghan until today. That didn’t mean he hadn’t been busy thinking of ways to resolve this whole situation, though.

“You need to make things up to him as soon as possible,” Jeonghan said as he took off his shoes. 

“I know. That's why I'm already on it.”

Jeonghan nodded again, mildly pleased, before his face melted back into a frown. 

“Still, I wanna say that you’re both idiots,” he informed him. “Both you and Seokmin. Utter idiots.”

“Thanks,” Joshua remarked dryly, and walked back into the kitchen, Jeonghan trailing behind him. 

“You’re welcome. So you better be planning a really good thing to make it up to Seokmin, because otherwise—oh my God. Are you baking?”

Jeonghan stood there, surprised, looking at the mixing bowl and the bags of sugar and flour and the baking trays, lined with greaseproof paper, neatly placed on the table as everything else overflowed across Joshua’s counter.

Joshua grinned, pleased at Jeonghan’s surprise. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” he said, picking up the mixing bowl again. “Seokmin’s favourite.”

“Huh.” Jeonghan smiled, nodding approvingly. “Good choice.” He sat down at the table, watching as Joshua continued mixing the cookie batter.  

“I know,” Joshua said, a little proud, looking up from the bowl to smile at Jeonghan, all bashful and dusty pink cheeks. “I figured that they might help cheer him up.”

Cute, Jeonghan thought, and then his heart melted at the idea of Joshua baking for Seokmin. There was something so domestic about that, and he knew that Seokmin would really love it.

Seokmin had been utterly distraught yesterday, tears quietly streaming down his face as he recounted the “disastrous” events in a wobbly voice. Jeonghan had feared the worst: Seokmin, for all his gentleness and emotional openness, still hated to cry around other people. So for him to burst into tears in front of Joshua and Jeonghan, it meant that something truly terrible had happened, and Jeonghan was more than ready to (get Seungcheol to) gently beat up Joshua for being the cause of his tears.

Jeonghan thought it would be something horrific, like Joshua had… well, done something really bad. He hadn’t actually had an idea of what Joshua could have done, but he’d been terrified all the same.

He had definitely not been prepared for what Seokmin had told him instead.

“What’re you gonna do with the cookies?” Jeonghan asked, leaning forwards as Joshua set down the bowl, looking for spoons to use to scoop the batter onto the trays.

“I’m going over to his place today,” Joshua said, rummaging through the drawers. “And I’m going to talk this out with him. No matter what it takes.”

Jeonghan tilted his head, smiling a little, a curious sense of pride swelling up inside of him. “No matter what it takes?”

“No matter what it takes,” Joshua confirmed, turning back to face Jeonghan, spoons in hand. “I won’t run away anymore. Seokmin deserves to know that I love him too.”

“I definitely think so,” Jeonghan said, and his tone was dry but his smile was warm. “Especially considering the fact that he kissed you yesterday and then proceeded to have a breakdown because you didn’t kiss him back.”

Joshua winced. “Let’s not talk about last night.”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I think it was a good bonding experience.”

“I don’t need a bonding experience. Seokmin and I are already friends.” Joshua furrowed his eyebrows. “How was that a good bonding experience, anyway?”

“Hey, at least now you know that Seokmin’s as pathetically in love with you as you are with him,” Jeonghan pointed out. “I think you should look on the bright side, Joshuji.”

“I think you’re talking too much,” Joshua said, waving the spoons beratingly at Jeonghan. “If you’re gonna be in my home, then you need to help me. Come on, get some spoons and make the cookies with me. Why are you even here, anyway?”

Jeonghan begrudgingly stood up, rolling up his sleeves. “I came here to see whether I needed to beat you up or not.”

Joshua snorted. “You and those noodle arms?”

“I was assessing the situation first,” Jeonghan said, and sniffed disdainfully. “If you didn’t show evidence that you were trying to make amends instantly, I would have.”

“Good thing I was making cookies then.”

“Exactly. I also came to check up on you, though,” Jeonghan added more sincerely. “To see how you were doing after being kissed by the love of your life.”

That made Joshua chuckle, beginning to spoon the batter onto the trays laid out on the table. He nudged Jeonghan in the side, a silent demand for him to start helping, and Jeonghan reluctantly complied.

“I’m fine. I had my entire worldview altered because apparently Seokmin likes me back, but other than that, I’m doing great,” Joshua said with a grin, and Jeonghan laughed.

“See? A good bonding experience.”

Joshua shook his head, still smiling. “Yeah. A great bonding experience. 0/10, would definitely recommend.”

The sarcasm made Jeonghan laugh again, looking over at his best friend as he diligently bent down over the baking tray, making cookies for the person he was in love with, big hands having turned soft with gentleness and care. 

Joshua’s hair was all over the place, as if he’d rolled out of bed and then immediately started making cookies for Seokmin without even stopping once. Half of his bangs were falling in his eyes but he hardly seemed to notice, and he straightened up to blink at Jeonghan, who was standing there with the spoons unmoving in his hands.

“If you don’t want to help, then you can just say so,” Joshua said wryly, eyes twinkling. “Though Seokmin might be heartbroken when I tell him that his favourite hyung didn’t help make the cookies.”

Jeonghan snapped out of his reverie, busying himself with helping Joshua. “You’re Seokmin’s favourite hyung. You know that,” he retorted, a little sulkily. Though he’d long ago accepted it, he was still a little annoyed that Joshua had stolen one of his dongsaengs from him.

“Nonsense. He was your friend before he was mine, wasn’t he?”

“That means nothing,” Jeonghan said dismissively, waving a spoon around and accidentally flinging cookie dough into the wall. “Whoops. Anyway, you’ve been Seokmin’s favourite since day one, Shuji. Surely you know that.”

Joshua sighed long-sufferingly at the spoonful of wet mixture sliding down his wall. “You’re cleaning that up later.”

“Sure. But seriously, he’s always been in love with you. I promise.” Jeonghan punched Joshua lightly in the arm. “Why are you thinking so much about this, anyway? You know that he loves you.”

“Hm.” Joshua twisted his lips thoughtfully, and he gazed off into the distance, eyes going melty soft and Jeonghan just knew that he was thinking about Seokmin. 

Disgusting, Jeonghan thought affectionately. It reminded him of the way that Seokmin’s eyes never failed to shine just a little brighter whenever he thought of or talked about Joshua, even when he was in tears. These two truly were made for each other.

“Seokmin thinks the world of you, you know,” Jeonghan said gently. “He always has. Ever since he first met you.”

Joshua’s face, somehow, melted even further at that. Jeonghan had been worried that his silence was a sign of insecurities creeping in, a sign of his hesitancy to continue taking that leap for Seokmin, but Joshua’s face was softening into the softest, sweetest smile, and Jeonghan knew that there was nothing that could deter Joshua now.

“Well,” Joshua said, light and full of love, “It’s a good thing that I think the world of him too.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was some hours later that Joshua ended up on Seokmin’s doorstep, wondering whether he should ring the doorbell or lift his hand and knock.

Jeonghan had shooed him out of the apartment (Joshua’s own apartment) with a pat on the head and a half-serious threat to “Go make out with Seokmin or there will be consequences”, pushing the basket into his hands and telling him to just be himself.

Apparently Seokmin liked that, or something.

So Joshua now stood at Seokmin’s doorstep, resisting the urge to rock back and forth on his heels as he contemplated which would be the best way to drag Seokmin out of his wallowing.

He hadn't been nervous when Jeonghan had come over, too focused on making Seokmin his favourite cookies and thinking about how he needed to make Seokmin not sad as soon as possible, but now that he was here, he had to admit that there were definitely a few butterflies in his stomach.

Confessing to the love of your life was no easy task, after all. 

But, like always, Joshua would do anything for Seokmin, anything at all, so after taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and pressed the doorbell.

It took a few moments, but the door eventually clicked open to reveal Seokmin, sleepily rubbing his eyes, nose scrunching adorably as he suppressed a big yawn.

“Jeonghan hyung, I told you, I’m f…”

His voice trailed off as he realised who was standing at his door, and his eyes widened, the sleepiness falling away from his face almost instantly. Joshua smiled, a little awkwardly, giving Seokmin a wave.

“Hello.”

Seokmin stared at him, and then began to slowly edge behind his door, hiding behind it until only his face was visible. “You… You’re not Jeonghan hyung.”

“I’m not,” Joshua agreed, and his heart twisted at how Seokmin had instantly retreated away once he learned that it was Joshua at his door. “Is it okay if I come in? I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday.”

Clutching the edge of the door a little tighter, Seokmin squeaked out a small “Oh dear” that Joshua had a feeling he hadn’t meant to say aloud.

“Maybe we shouldn’t?” Seokmin suggested meekly. He retreated further behind the door, hiding away so that Joshua couldn’t see his face anymore. “Maybe… Maybe that’s not a good idea.”

Joshua bit his lip. “Please?” he asked. “I even baked you cookies. If you want them.”

A pause. And then Seokmin slowly peeked out from behind the door, eyes widening in surprise as he noticed the basket in Joshua’s hands before his gaze dropped to the floor again. He shook his head.

“Please just go. Shua hyung, please let me—Let me deal with this by myself first,” Seokmin said softly.

It sounded so gentle and reasonable when he said it like that, and Joshua would have believed it, would have accepted it, if he didn’t know Seokmin as well as he did. But Joshua did know him, knew him like the soul that fit perfectly against his own, and he knew that Seokmin was using this as an excuse to wallow in his sadness. He’d only make himself more miserable if Joshua let him be.

“Please,” Joshua said again, pleading. “I think we should talk about this. Please, will you let me in?”

Seokmin swallowed but didn’t say anything, gaze still directed at Joshua’s shoes rather than his face. His fingers pressed into the side of the door as he clung to it, still not quite opening it fully, but Joshua felt a little comforted by the fact that Seokmin was considering it.

“Min-ah,” Joshua said softly, ducking his head to get Seokmin to meet his gaze. Seokmin blinked in surprise, but he didn’t look away. Joshua straightened slowly, and smiled as Seokmin continued to keep his eyes on him. “Please. I’m not mad about what happened, I promise. I just think that you and I need to talk. Please, Min-ah?”

Seokmin’s eyes widened even further at the nickname, a splotchy blush reddening the apples of his cheeks in a way that was still utterly endearing in Joshua’s eyes. And then he nodded, opening the door wider. “Okay. Okay… you can come in.”

Joshua smiled again, a smile of relief as he stepped into Seokmin’s apartment, clutching the basket of cookies in his hands. 

“It’s a little messy,” Seokmin said, a little sheepishly as he led Joshua through the apartment. “I wasn’t really expecting anyone. I didn’t think anyone would come over.”

“That’s okay. I wanted to check up on you.”

Seokmin looked over at Joshua, too many colours swirling in his irises before he blinked rapidly and looked away,

“Oh. Thank you.”

As Seokmin led them to sit on his couch, however, Joshua realised that he hadn't really planned what he was going to say. Which, in hindsight, he really should have done, but it was too late to wonder about that now. 

And besides, he was talking with Seokmin. The right words would find their way to him, especially if he was trying to confess to the love of his life. 

“So… cookies,” Joshua started, and then held the basket out to Seokmin. He smiled a little. “They're your favourites.”

Seokmin gasped, momentarily seeming to forget his apprehension at Joshua’s visit as his eyes widened, taking the basket from him and peeking inside. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies?”

“Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” Joshua confirmed, resisting the urge to laugh at Seokmin's adorably awed expression. “And don’t worry. I made sure that they won’t give you food poisoning.

Seokmin, already stuffing a cookie in his mouth, gave a petulant huff. “Hyung, that was one time.”

Joshua laughed, unable to stop the delighted warmth bubbling up inside him as the natural cadence of their interactions came peeking through, Seokmin relaxing now that he had something sweet in his mouth. Seokmin looked up at him, a little surprised, before his face melted and brightened at the same time, eyes crinkling.

“So,” Joshua said, still smiling, “I was hoping that we could talk about yesterday.”

At that, Seokmin’s expression changed, and he slowly swallowed. He rubbed at his cheeks, attempting to brush away the crumbs and only kind-of succeeding.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Joshua rushed to carry on, before Seokmin’s face fell even further and Joshua’s heart fell along with it. “I’m sorry for how terribly our day at the amusement park ended.” He gestured to the basket. “The cookies were kind of an apology present to try and make up for it.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said softly. “No… It’s—It’s okay, hyung. It was kind of my fault, anyway,” he added, laughing a little stiltedly. “I was the one who, well, you know.”

Seokmin bit his lip then, teeth sinking into the softness of his bottom lip, and Joshua remembered with startling clarity how his own mouth had been over Seokmin’s less than twenty-four hours ago.

Joshua blinked rapidly, trying to dispel his thoughts so he could focus on the conversation at hand.

“It was just me being an idiot. You don’t need to apologise, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said, attempting to smile. “It was all my fault. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t, though,” Joshua said, taking a breath. Seokmin was still biting his lip, a nervous habit, and it was kind of cute and wholly distracting and it took everything in Joshua to keep his gaze on Seokmin’s warm, warm eyes rather than on his soft, soft lips. “Min-ah, it’s okay.”

He smiled, then, as gently and as reassuringly as he could, putting on his prettiest smile for Seokmin to try and comfort him.

Seokmin’s eyes widened and softened at the same time, before he looked away. “Please don’t look at me like that,” he said, all mumbly. There were still crumbs on his cheeks, and Joshua wanted to lean over and dust them away.

“Like what?” he asked, before giving in to the urge and brushing a finger over Seokmin’s cheeks, wiping at the crumbs. And then, using that same finger, he guided Seokmin’s chin towards him so they were facing each other again. “How am I looking at you?”

Seokmin huffed a little, and pouted. “Like… I dunno,” he said, cheeks turning red, “like you love me. Like—Like you didn’t actually mind the… the thing.”

Joshua’s gaze softened, and he lowered his hand to find Seokmin’s knee instead, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “What if that’s true? What if I didn't mind the kiss?”

Seokmin was shaking his head before Joshua could even finish speaking. “Don’t say things like that, hyung,” he pleaded, almost a whine. “I’m sorry for kissing you yesterday, I really am. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“What? No,” Joshua said, a little mystified, wondering where on Earth Seokmin had gotten the idea that he didn’t want it to happen again. “No, Seokmin, I want it to happen again. I want you to kiss me again. And again, and again. Forever, essentially.”

“Wait.” Seokmin’s face scrunched up, confused, and goodness, Joshua was hit with the fact that he truly did adore him. “What?”

“I like you,” Joshua said, the three golden words leaving his lips and spinning through the air, and he could almost hear the magical ding as they landed like little chimes in Seokmin’s ears. “I like you, Seokmin. You and your smile and your kindness and your gentleness and the way you make me feel so happy, always. I like you so much, and especially your laugh—” Joshua took a breath, feeling the flush rising up his cheeks— “Oh, I love your laugh, Seokmin. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

Seokmin’s eyes had steadily widened the longer Joshua had carried on, and there was that familiar, warm, beautiful shine in his irises once more, all full of hope. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Joshua laughed, smiling widely. “I like you. I love you. I adore you. All of those things. I think you’re wonderful, truly, and it’s like my heart belongs only to you.”

And then, his Seokmin-owned heart made a little whooshing sound as Seokmin’s eyes rounded, and Joshua couldn’t help but laugh. It was kind of incredible, how saying those words didn’t feel like taking a leap, like jumping and hoping that when he fell, someone would catch him.

Rather, it felt like coming home.

Seokmin’s frame melted, the biggest pout forming on his face as his whole body relaxed, seemingly just as comforted by Joshua’s confession as he was. His irises looked a little shiny as he blinked, hard.

“You love me,” Seokmin said, almost to himself, like he couldn’t believe it, all tiny and adorable. And then he looked up at Joshua again, face crumpling into something between a pout and a giddy smile. “Oh my god, you love me.”

He said it in an almost awed way, words getting all blubbery-sentimental and he held out his arms, reaching for a hug that Joshua instantly gave him, smiling as Seokmin wrapped his arms around his neck to bring him even closer, burying his face into Joshua’s shoulder. Seokmin was always so warm and lovely but right now he seemed even more so, melting into Joshua’s arms, the thumping of his heartbeat matching the cadence of Joshua’s own. 

He nuzzled even closer into Joshua's shoulder, making small, content noises into his shirt, and Joshua could feel something in his chest bursting into a spray of cerulean blue joy. 

“I love you,” Joshua said again, just because, just to marvel at how light and perfect those three words felt. “I love you.”

Seokmin pulled away, arms still looped around Joshua’s neck, eyes shining brighter than the brightest, sunniest summer day. “I love you too,” he breathed, and then he laughed—that soft, beautiful laugh that Joshua loved far too much. “I love you. I’ve always really, really liked you, truly. So much. Ever since we met.”

Joshua chuckled a little, tilting his head. “Since we met? That’s a long time.”

“I know,” Seokmin said, almost whining, and it had Joshua laughing again. “You have no idea how hard it was to be loving you for so long. You’re so loveable, hyung. I can’t help but just—love you. Always.”

“I can’t help but love you too,” Joshua said back, and it was incredible how those words managed to make Seokmin’s smile light up even further. He leaned forward and nudged his nose affectionately against Seokmin’s, adoring the delighted giggle that it elicited from him. “You can ask Jeonghan, if you’d like. He’ll tell you how pathetically in love I’ve been with you for weeks.”

“Weeks? Hyung, I’ve been in love with you forever, I swear,” Seokmin said, and the earnest truthfulness of his words made Joshua’s heart swell, hands tightening around Seokmin’s waist. 

“I think I’ve been in love with you before I even knew that’s what it was,” Joshua returned, just to try and one-up him, and laughed softly at the affectionate huff that Seokmin let out.

“Whatever you say,” Seokmin said, playfully rolling his eyes before beaming at Joshua again. His arms were still around Joshua’s neck, his weight still pressed comfortably in Joshua’s lap, and as he continued beaming at him, it was like Joshua's vision was filled with nothing but the gentlest, prettiest, most breathtaking golden light. 

He could have stayed like that forever, actually, with Seokmin in his lap, his weight draped over him like a sure and solid promise, positively glowing with happiness despite the fact that he'd looked close to tears not even 24 hours ago. 

It made him realise that Seokmin really did love him, had loved him forever, and thinking about it like that made him short circuit because oh—

Seokmin loved him. 

And they were just smiling at each other, smiling and grinning and smiling like a pair of idiots and it was all because Seokmin loved Joshua just as much Joshua loved him. 

As if he knew all of Joshua's thoughts, Seokmin smiled even wider, eyes crinkling happily, and Joshua knew that he really would do anything to see Seokmin smile like that forever. His lips were stretched wide, emanating light, and happiness truly did look so beautiful on him. 

Joshua wanted to kiss him.

Oh. He hadn't kissed Seokmin yet. How had he not kissed Seokmin yet? 

He needed to kiss him. Right now. 

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua blurted out, completely out of the blue, and he would admit that it wasn't the best way to ask for a kiss, but Seokmin always made him do weird and awkward things. 

Seokmin blinked in surprise, a blush rapidly rising up his face, but he nodded almost immediately. 

“Yeah!” he said, the eagerness clear in his tone before he blushed even further, shoulders rolling inwards shyly. “I mean. Yes. Yes please.”

And then he beamed, his expression so open and loving and filled with wonderful golden light that Joshua couldn't help but smile too, leaning in closer, one hand releasing Seokmin's waist to slip upwards and cup his cheek, brushing a thumb over the smooth softness of his cheekbone. 

“Beautiful,” Joshua whispered, quiet, and could feel the blush that spread across Seokmin's face as he adjusted his hand, held him more firmly and finally connected their lips in a kiss. 

And, oh, this kiss was even better than that first one they'd shared. The instant Joshua kissed him, Seokmin melted impossibly further into him, hands threading through his hair to bring him even closer, soft lips pressing against soft lips. 

It was dizzyingly sweet. Seokmin tasted like strawberries and chocolate and sunlight, and when Joshua gently nipped at that plush bottom lip, his heart positively soared at the small noise that Seokmin let out, easily opening up so Joshua could kiss him as deeply and as fully as they both desired.

Seokmin twisted his hands in Joshua’s hair, kissing him even deeper, and it made him laugh into Seokmin’s mouth, his head feeling all happy and bubbly light. Seokmin laughed too, an automatic response to the sound of Joshua’s happiness, and they ended up smiling into each other’s mouths rather than actually kissing once they finally parted.

Joshua opened his eyes, watching as Seokmin still kept his eyes shut, drawing back with an adoring smile on his face like he wanted to treasure the moment.

It was so heart-achingly endearing that Joshua leaned in to press a light kiss to Seokmin’s mouth, smiling as Seokmin’s eyes fluttered open at last, a white-gold shine making his irises glow.

“Oh,” Seokmin said, soft, his kissed-pink lips spreading into a wide smile. He still had his hands in Joshua’s hair, still had his knees spread over Joshua’s lap, and he looked so beautiful. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Joshua echoed, amused, the hand on Seokmin’s cheek moving to brush away stray hairs as they fell into his face. “What’s up?”

Seokmin’s eyes just shone even brighter. “You love me,” he said, and he sounded so happy that Joshua laughed again, so in love that his heart felt like it was floating towards the heavens as Seokmin continued to look at him with all the awe and wonder in the world.

“Yes, Min-ah,” he said, devastatingly fond, and Seokmin scrunched his nose in a way that was just so endearing, very clearly delighted by the nickname. “I love you.” 

Seokmin beamed adorably wide and launched himself back into Joshua’s arms again, clumsily pressing a kiss to Joshua's cheek before burying his face into his shoulder, and Joshua could feel him grinning with happiness. 

Joshua had jumped towards Seokmin, taken that leap, but instead of falling, he’d floated right back up towards the sun instead. 

In fact, it hadn’t even felt like falling, he mused, as Seokmin drew away from his shoulder, smiling shyly before leaning in and kissing Joshua softly once more. 

He cupped Seokmin’s face, kissing him again and again until they were smiling so hard that they couldn’t kiss properly anymore, and yet they still tried, smiling lips meeting smiling lips over and over, the taste of sunlight sitting gently on Joshua’s tongue like that was where it belonged.

Perhaps, Joshua thought, it was because Seokmin had been beside him all along. All he had to do was walk right into Seokmin's arms, right into Seokmin who already had, and always would, adore him with the entirety of his heart.

And oh, how Joshua adored him too.

thanku for reading! pls rb w a comment if you liked this :)

taglist: @my-moarmy-heart @ofcoursewhynotmongyu @cottoncheol @i-dont-give-a-fok @leigh-darling @belladonna-is-alive @weird-bookworm @dokyluvie @isabellah29 @bangantokchy @ahuiahoe @yooboointhemood @animesoul2021 @official-eunwoo

[imogenleewriter]

What are some of your favorite fics? i feel like i trust your opinion so much since what you write is so amazing u have to read something just as loll

I've given rec's to anons before, not sure if you've checked any of those out. Favourites / Famous/Non-Famous / A/B/O / WIPs (although most are complete now!) / Recent Read Recs Pt 1

But, let's do a new recently read and loved list!

I Don't Wanna Face The Music by hereforh / @hereforh Word count: 95,378 (but there is also a pt 2, still a WIP and up to 80k). Rating: E. Uni AU. Strangers to Lovers.

Louis likes to think he's a pretty normal, typical lad. He likes spending nights at the pub with his mates, he loves football and is very close to his family. So when he moves to London for uni, he doesn’t think much will be different.

Until he makes these new friends who are nothing like his mates back home and change his life for the better - and this one boy who messes with his head from the get go and makes him question everything he has ever thought about himself.

Wind beneath my wings by lunarheslwt / @lunarheslwt Word count: 93,131. Rating: E. A/B/O. Strangers to Lovers.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Harry gritted out, wild-eyed. “You should be scared of me.” Louis opened his mouth to speak, to cut him off, to disagree, but Harry was pushing. “I could hurt you.” “You won’t hurt me,” Louis said, simple and assuredly. Calm. “I’m capable of hurting you.” “But you won’t. That’s not who you are, Harry. I trust you,” Louis whispered.

As an omega carer that works at a rescue and rehabilitation centre for feral alphas and omegas, Louis has experienced all sides of ferality. So Harry- a cold, near-mute, non-receptive alpha- was a challenging case for everyone at Phoenix Rehab Centre. Louis wasn’t expecting to feel drawn towards an aloof Harry, or to form a slow bond with him. He certainly was not expecting for his entire life to change in unforeseen ways.

don't want no other shade of blue by padfootyoudog / @louisisworthit Word count: 43,230. Rating: E. A/B/O. Enemies to lovers.

“I know you’re putting on an act,” says Harry after a moment, and Louis scowls when he realises the prince is actually amused.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Louis.

“All I’ve heard over the past couple of years are rumours of Prince Louis’ kindness, and generosity, and oh, he’s so handsome I can barely pour his tea without shaking!” says Harry, putting on a silly, high-pitched voice for the last bit. Louis’ scowl deepens. “I would already know if you were just another selfish, bratty omega prince. You can’t fool me, darling, but I admire your efforts.”

“As you said,” Louis grits out, “those are only rumours. I assure you, I’m a terrible person.”

Harmony by nouies / @nouies Word count: 6,175. Rating: E. A/B/O. Enemies to lovers.

Alpha Harry and Omega Louis don’t have the most amicable relationship at work. When they get stuck together in an elevator, Harry scents Louis after nothing else works to bring him out of his panicked state.

Their time trapped in the elevator together brings to light some misunderstandings, and maybe some feelings for each other, too.

We Both Got Nothing To Hide by lovelarry10 / @chloehl10 Word count: 43,811. Rating: E. A/B/O. Friends to lovers/mutual pining.

“Talk to me, Lou.”

“I can’t,” Louis mumbled, knowing he genuinely couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit to what he was doing. “Don’t ask me to say it, because I can’t.”

“Then… I’ll try and guess. You’ve… got some stuff of Harry’s. Something of his to make it smell like him?”

Louis just nodded, eyes fixated on the floor. This was humiliating, but he knew Zayn wouldn’t stop until he found out what was going on.

“Okay. Like… a blanket, or a comforter or something?”

“Kind of…”

//

Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

through the jungle through the dark by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf Word count: 12,555. Rating: E. Road Trip, Ex-friends to lovers.

Louis and Harry were best friends, until they weren’t. Five years after they last spoke they’re forced to drive cross-country to visit an injured friend. If they can’t get over the past, it will be a very long week together.

Nailed By Louis by haztobegood / @haztobegood Word count: 6,311 (+part 2: 3,168). Rating: E. Enemies to lovers.

It had started as a joke, just two months earlier. Louis had tried to make recipe from HarrySizzles Instagram account. It looked doable: no strange ingredients, no scary kitchen machinery. Just a simple layered lettuce salad. The result had been catastrophic. His friends had laughed so hard at the disgusting appearance of his salad, and after a few drinks, Louis had been convinced to start his own Instagram to track his food failures.

these bad omens (I look right through them) by likelarry / @likelarryfics Word count: 82,322. Rating: E. Age Difference (all legal). Strangers to lovers.

How on earth does someone his parents' age look so damn hot? All of their other friends look... bland and boring.

But Louis, fucking hell. He's something out of Harry's wettest fucking dreams.

Where Louis is Harry's parents' friend and teaches at Harry's university. Harry can't resist getting a taste.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

would u tell me a bit about some svsss thoughts, au‘s ideas or wips of yours?(<- half way through a 9 hour train/bus journey & really bored) please?🥺

i could tell u about my tgirl-sqq/sy au that i’m never gonna write, cuz i genuinely don’t enjoy writing? or maybe show u a picture of my sisters newborn (cutest baby u have ever seen)

omg PLEASE tell me ur thoughts on tgirl sqq I love trans sqq (any direction but esp transfem it's so special to me)

let'sss see, I have a lot of wip and au thoughts at the moment as I nervously procrastinate several important projects 😅

I had a cold earlier this week so I wrote half of a fluffy fic inflicting my cold onto SQQ:

“Liu-shidi is out at the moment,” Shen Qingqiu said, an awful rasp to his voice that Luo Binghe hated.  “Surely Shizun can call him back?” Luo Binghe pleaded.  “For what?” Shen Qingqiu asked, waving a sleeve. “A small cold? This master has managed worse. He’ll return when he returns, and until then it's not so bad.”  “But Shizun–” Luo Binghe tried to object, but Shen Qingqiu gave him a stern look that caused Luo Binghe to fold at once. He redoubled his efforts of looking sad and concerned and despondent as a quick countermeasure, and Shen Qingqiu sighed.  “It’s not so bad,” he repeated. “This master can still perform his duties just fine. Most likely it will pass before Liu Qingge even returns.”

outside of that, i have been on a major qijiu brainrot kick (i have a 8k fic for them i should be posting as soon as i decide if it needs a stronger dose of sqq or not + decide how to end it (sob)), and also reading a ton of disciple days/canon timeline bingqiu and having big feelings about how much i love them. ive also been returning to my unhorny women and gender studies liu qingge omegaverse fic that i am always contemplating but never actually writing, in which liu qingge is a not-like-other-girls omega in PIDW omegaverse and tries to marry shen qingqiu due to fantasy comp het

besides that, here are some concepts ive jotted down in my notes app this week loll:

dragon!YQY hoarding peak lords

this is literally all i have written down for this but i want it to be something SO BAD. save me dragon yqy. dragon yqy save me

Yue Qingyuan is cursed into an endless sleep The other peak lords call on Shen Qingqiu to enter his mind and wake him up as the person closest to him, only... SQQ actually barely knows this guy! He and Binghe take a dream journey through YQY's subconscious and eventually find that SJ is haunting him and eating his power which is keeping him asleep. They must either banish him ORRR.... Sun and Moon Dew mushroom time

i dont think ill write this so if anyone else does....... please take this idea and run w it haha

Sy transmigrated into the little palace Mistress??? Ahhh...

i THINK this came after reading stiltonbasket's SY!QWY fic, because i was thinking about the old palace master being a huge creep and shen yuan dealing with that from inside huan hua palace. i really see shen yuan going on a journey of gender discovery (his own gender AND the perils of misogyny that he never understood as a cis internet man(he thought he was cis at least)) and political intrigue as he tries to get to the heart of whats wrong with huan hua while dodging and or attempting to track down luo binghe. plot??? idk her

Deaf Shang qinghua!! Mbj doesnt notice

someday i must write this bc i love writing my favs as deaf or hoh. id love to explore shang qinghua as being both physically and culturally Deaf and how that plays into his interactions with the world post-transmigration, where there is even less accommodations or access for someone with a disability and he is cut off from his community, especially in terms of his work on an ding and relationship with his martial siblings. mbj not noticing a major facet of his life feels in character and like great drama lol, and i think the conclusion is definitely mbj learning ZGS that teaches him and he ends up liking using it way more than speaking verbally, both for sqh's ease and because he doesnt like to talk lol

i hope this is what u meant hahaha i could talk abt wips and svsss ideas all day. they are living in my head rent free 24/7 ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡ i hope your trip goes by smoothly and quickly!!

[mochiwrites]

I've reread your wonderful fic once more and

me oh my-- The last scene just ugytfrdcytgvuyigbhu I love how Scar says "that name" instead of "my name"-- idk if it's actually relevant in anyway lol

And no loyal bone? not a single one? 👀

just making my head spin loll-- excited to see what more comes in the next chapter!

I think about that last scene all the time. literally ALL the time okay. I was clawing at the WALLS when writing that and dropping all my hints

because here’s the thing with scar: WORD CHOICE IS SO IMPORTANT !!!!! that name vs my name. extremely important. and actually. just because I’m insane about this man. here’s some other lines from him that have important word choice and make me CRAZY

in response to grian’s “go to hell”: “Oh, I’ve already been! It’s quite the place, let me tell you. Very luscious, and gosh, the demons there!”

in response to grian’s “what’s a changeling?”: “That, dear songbird, is not something you should poke your nose into. Else you won’t like where it takes you.”

in response to the corrupted changeling: “That place is not your home.” “Do you really think stealing a few names is going to make you one of them? Give me a break.” “Stop being naive. You aren’t one of them.” “No matter how many names you steal, you will never have an identity. You will never be them. You have names? Ha! You haven’t gotten anything except a one way ticket to Death!”

in response to “No… g-give…! I-Identity… na… me…”: “You don’t get one!” “No matter how many names you take, how many shells you leave behind, you will never be whole!” “They will never accept you.”

just to point out a few

smiles

[delta-pavonis]

Last 10 Fics/Writing Patterns meme + Last First Line Tag Game

First the writing patterns meme, which is such a cool idea! I was tagged by @teejaystumbles! Thank yoooou.

Rules: Post the first lines of your last ten fics posted to AO3 (Sort by date posted), AND see if there's a pattern!

By last updated date:

3 March 2024: Quaternion

KLOT DOD-DOT The knock of the twisted iron ring against its plate on the outside of his library door startles King Morpheus from his reverie. He is supposed to be notating one of the histories of the Moirai, the so-called Three Sisters of Fate, who have ruled the island nation of Ananke with brutal efficiency since seemingly time immemorial. Their ships have been seen too often in view of his coastline of late and he needs to be prepared for whatever their intentions are.

15 February 2024: you might be the answer to the sinner in me

“Hob, are you alright?” Hob’s shoulders tighten and his spine goes ramrod straight. It is the family holiday dinner and he is out on the back patio in the cold, staring at the over-manicured hedgerows that make up one of the distant property lines. He left to have space to pull out his vape pen and take a hit because that is probably the only way that he is going to get through the night.

16 January 2024: Placebo Effect

“You should just DM him,” Desire is studying their nails, the dark red of dried blood, while reclining on a chaise in the living room of their oldest sister’s condo. “My kingdom for anything that might throw Dearest Mumsie and Popsicle off your trail for an evening. I don’t think I can endure another holiday of it.” They sprawl, letting their head loll backwards over the armrest, to look at Dream almost upside down. “What say you big brother?”

6 January 2024: show me who I am

Hob taps his fingers on the table next to the map of Northern Ireland and takes a sip from his glass of shiraz. “I think this is it. This is the plan. We’ve got it. Anyone see something we missed?” He looks around the table at each person in turn, waiting for a response.

1 January 2024: Another Song

Shunk ka-thunkszzzz. The lights in the entire loft go out. “What the FUCK?” Matthew’s voice smacks into Dream despite the thick panels of wood between them.

30 December 2023: Thoughts on the Roman Empire (and Other Pickup Lines)

“You know, I think this whole meme going around about men thinking about the Roman Empire is great!” Hob smiles at the ceiling as he leans back in his chair, balancing it on its back legs, propping his feet up on the table in the private library study room. He doesn't need to look at Morpheus to know that the grad student is giving him a withering glare, or perhaps not looking at him at all. “First off, people are discussing history! Second, some of the jokes are actually solid gold. Like I saw one that just murdered me in broad daylight. Wanna hear it?”

21 December 2023: Levade

“Oh fuck Dream,” Hob writhes in his bonds. “You said you wanted more did you not?” The centaur smirks. “I am simply acquiescing to your request.”

15 December 2023: You create me against your lips

The first time Hob sees Dream is when the latter has the audacity to enter the Morningstar's realm. He watches as the Dream King intimidates Squatterbloat into bringing him to the Palace. The demon is stupid and gullible, easily swayed, and Hob has a mind to bury his morningstar in the moron's fleshy head, but he would rather observe the visitor and his raven from the shadows.

9 December 2023: where I'm supposed to be

For all that he shares a given name with the God of Sleep, has a nickname of Dream, he has only experienced lucid dreaming rarely. Once, maybe twice, before. But. He knows he is dreaming right now.

26 November 2023: Venus conjunct Saturn

“Show me, Hob.” Dream purrs in a way he knows will make his lover shiver. “Show me how she pleasured you.” He is laid beneath Hob, who is on all fours above him, and the only cloth they have is the sheets upon their bed here in the Dreaming.

Other than 30% of those fics having titles from Maneskin lyrics... apparently I like to start with sounds or dialog. Some in medias res beginnings in there, too. Huh. Fascinating.

And, just for fun, here are the FIRST few lines paragraphs of the finished fic I have on deck, a sequel to A Change in Tactics (published in October 2022!)... (originally I was tagged in a last lines tag game by @amielot!)

“We have to stop meeting like this!” Hob laughed as he broke the barstool in his hands over the head and shoulders of another patron of the White Horse Inn. Said patron had just previously been trying to stab Hob with a shard of wine bottle so he most decidedly deserved it. Hob pulled a chunk of wood from where it had lodged in his palm and frowned at the blood that welled up there. A crash to his left stole his attention. “Ope. Watch out Lou!” Lou ducked the tankard aimed at her head with all the sliding fluid grace of one well-acquainted with being deep in her cups. She didn’t spill a single drop of her own ale as she backed around the bar and out of the Inn through the alleyway door. Lou may have been part of starting this fight, but she clearly had no intention of finishing it. Which was just fine by Hob. Lou didn’t deserve to be in hospital any more than absolutely necessary. She had enough going on, as Hob had just learned. Speaking of his mysterious friend… Hob flung his sweaty hair out of his eyes in time to watch Dream elegantly sidestep the brawler charging him like they were a pair in some courtly dance. The beautiful bastard hadn’t even moved his hands from where they were clasped at the small of his back, while his opponent had gone headlong into a wooden pillar. “This only happens when I join you here, Hob.” One loping step over the fallen man and Dream was back at Hob’s side. (Graceful twat.) “This type of violence is notably absent when you visit my Realm.” (Double the twat on that one.)

I tag... everyone who has a springtime birthday.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi! I’m trying to find a fic where Crowley writes an online blog or something anonymously, and then Aziraphale figures it out over time? Or any fics like that. Thank you for having this blog loll

Hello. Here are some fics which feature Crowley being online and Aziraphale finding out...

Janthony by SatanSpawnedNougat (G)

Where Aziraphale learns about Crowley’s secret review blog. Just as he also discovers where the ‘J’ in his name really stands for.

Songs in my Heart by Lea_Amell (M)

Crowley has loved Aziraphle for 6000 years, and Aziraphale finds out wehen he stumbles upon crowley's blog.

When is a Blog not a Blog? by Iocane (G)

Crowley had often talked to God but he had never actually prayed.

If he did, it would be that Aziraphale never discovers Crowley's blog.

(i'd rather be) in the palm of your hand by seashadows (E)

It was…intriguing, Aziraphale had to admit. “Curiosity killed the cat,” he told himself sternly. But then, satisfaction brought it back – wasn’t that the rest of the saying? However it went, he could already tell that he would be fretting the night away if he didn’t give in to temptation.

(Aziraphale discovers that Crowley satisfied his loneliness in the previous decade by posting intimate videos of himself online - videos that Aziraphale himself was never meant to see.)

To Fools and Stars by NebulaEyes (T)

After a visit from Adam ends with an upgraded computer and a blogging profile, Aziraphale is soon talking with someone who seems to be in the same predicament his own heart is in. What will happen when he realizes just how much this person relates to his situation? What will be said? Will it all work out?

Veni Vino Vegas (I Came, I Got Drunk, I Got Married) by A_N_D (T)

After a whirlwind drunken evening, author Az Fell came home from Rom-Con without his heirloom pinkie ring – but with a wedding license from a 24-hour Las Vegas chapel. Elsewhere, book fan Tony Crowley woke up with a hangover, vague memories, and a brand new ring he’s only seen in author photos.

Mutually attracted, mutually terrified the other one thinks it was all a regrettable mistake, they turn to their dear but anonymous online friend to vent and ask for advice.

…Maybe they should tell each other their screennames someday.

- Mod D

[wannaeatramyeon]

hihi!! i thought this was funny and wanted to tell you😭

i was telling my friend about Goo and how i would absolutely marry him and they said that he needs their blessing. i asked what he can do to get their blessing and they said he needed to write them an essay about how much he loves me so, to entertain them, i wrote them an essay from Goo's perspective about why he wants to marry me with a 20 minute timer. it was 584 words in the end and I worked a miracle.

Moral of the story: Goo got the blessing😭so uhhh you can always write your way into someones life??

This tickled me, just imagining the unhinged ramblings from Goo POV mixed with your own. Drop it please.

Inbox clearing time! Non fic requests answered: 6. (Check it - plus my fave Lookism arcs!)

To the non-anon anon that I have not included and I don't know what to do with your message - No, I won't hold your hand while you poop. Good luck with that.

Really?? I feel so... unhinged and nonsensical (even more so than usual) when I rant. Seriously thank you for reading!?!!?

PTJ did somewhat write women with more of a personality in his Life As A Loser Series so it seems more of a shame that he's lost his touch and catering much more towards teenage boys with his current series.

Which. Fine. Action manhwa - great. BUT if your target audience are teenage boys then yknow, wouldn't it be even BETTER to write some strong badass women so these impressionable youngsters realise that not all girls need saving, and oh look. Girls are human too. With their own ambitions and flaws and imperfections, just like everyone else.

If you must make them simp, form a harem. Also. FINE. At least give them something beyond that.

Hey Black Anon! Sorry again for how long it took me to respond to your ask before, and hope it's going much better for yourself since your last request.

I'm muuuuch more responsive with DMs so if you ever wanna come out of anon - come shout at me in my DMs!!

HTF s2 is really... something. Completely lost the meaning of HTF and Viral Hit. Don't blame you for dropping it. Alas, the Taehoon grip on me is still going STRONG.

LOL. Me in a similar position, wondering if I should get into JJK.

Can I... recommend some of my fave arcs if you ever do decide to read Lookism? The ones I like are generally more story driven.

Vasco's backstory (prepare the tissues) - 52 - 57

Johan + Zack + Mira backstory (cult warning, another sad arc) - 132 - 138

Goddog (another pretty sad arc with Johan) - 199 - 213

Jacedichi Files (silly crime solving with Burn Knuckles) - 215 - 218

One Night (Johan + Jace!! Fun action) - 258 - 262

Jake Kim (PLEASE READ THIS IF NOTHING ELSE) - 302 - 318

Workers (2A) (Rescuing Sinu. Honestly, I cry almost every time. Read Jake Kim's arc to appreciate this!) - 372 - 392

Let me know if you ever get into it!!!

Me??? Mine????? I cannot write that guy so thank you - that means A LOT to me! I will try harder to write a decent Eli (that doesn't devolve into ranting about his current direction).

Thank you for reading and being so friggin CUTE!! 💖

I feel a vaguely threatening tone from this.

Like something Goo would recite before walking into a darkened warehouse with a crowbar 🤔

Baby there's nothing noble about this, but it is actually more satisfying than my normal job lol (lolling through tears).

Thank you so much for reading!! My single braincell has been firing quite well with these ideas.

Anon. Honestly this is adorable, I've screenshat this for a pick me up ahhhhhhh 🥹

My dear 🕊️ anon, thank you for reading my DG fic! I also feel very little for DG but I will admit I am coming around to him.

YES!!! I LOVE the idea of someone getting close to James Lee in his younger years, and him being soft for the reader.

And then I also like angst so let's bring those 2 things together. Heh.

Eeeee I also added that Remember fic to my list of faves that I have written.

Please. I also have a list of fictional men I am unwell over. Let's start a support group! 🫠

[smashboxgirl26]

a random list of long fic recs (aka longer than 5k) from ao3 ft. bakugou, shoji, dabi, and jean that no one asked for bc i was bored!!

(some of these are nsfw, which i will warn about for the big ones, but make sure to check their tags before reading anything!)

and beware, this is very long bc i clearly have nothing better to do with my time hehe

you call me wound but i will answer to knife (bakugou x reader) by kirkeeter; i got this recced by a friend and omygodddd i loved it so so so so so much, it's been a while since i read it but it's tech support! reader working under ph! bakugou

Steal Your Girl (bakugou x reader) by Tcierra_Steph7; the actual first bakugou x reader fic i ever read (the literal fic that got me into fics) and it's SO AMAZING OMG, canon compliant, but it's not a bad thing bc it's framed super well (there's also Dear Diary , which i've been obsessed with FOREVER but i dont think it'll ever be updated at this point which is okay - but if you've read (past tense) or read (present tense) either of these, you'll have my heart forever <33)

Other (bakugou x reader) by deadite; a coraline au that's superr good and goes super in depth of the world it creates and i was completely hooked when i read it

His (bakugou x reader) by PBelfz; one of the best yandere! bakugou stories i have ever read, but be warned - highly nsfw (ik yandere is not everyone's cup of tea but if you're into that stuff and haven't read this fic, you should read it!)

surrender (whenever you're ready) (bakugou x reader) by OfMermaids; one of my favorite fanfics ever!! and anything written by her is honestly amazing (especially The Widening Sky, a mermaid au, and The Sun God's Bride, a fantasy au, which you should definitely also check out!!)

Bar Tool (bakugou x reader) by thunderhead; band au AND bar au?? but yeah this fic has everything you could ever want it's sooo good

darling it's better (down where it's wetter) (bakugou x reader) by makoodles; another one of my favorite mermaid aus (bc i love mermies too much and it's my favorite trope) but also contains nsfw content

Gemini Syndrome - Masked Singer AU (bakugou x reader) by opal_vortex; one of the most UNDERRATED fics ive ever read! and the concept is so good!! bakugou goes on the masked singer and the reader is one of the judges loll

Husband for Hire (bakugou x reader) by btp; stardew valley au! (and also one of a couple of fics that inspired strawberry jam loll)

well, i've been saved by the grace of southern charm (bakugou x reader) by willowser; soooo soo soo good!! contains nsfw but if you liked strawberry jam then ur gonna like this one even more it's everything i hope my writing is and more

drawing with light (shoji x reader) by multipurposeroom; literally the fic that made me fall in love with shoji and made me want to cradle him in my arms for the rest of my life bc of how sweet he is

We All Fall Down (dabi x reader) by Musecookie; the reader is an art student who ends up drawing dabi and he finds it in the dumpster and shit ensues and its sooo good, it's also been a long time since it's been updated but it's superrrr great!!!

Higher than the Mountain, Deeper than the Sea (dabi x reader) by maokitty; contains nsfw but it is so!! good!! and it dives into his character so so so so well!

if he's a serial killer than what's the worst that can happen to a girl that's already hurt? (dabi x reader) also by willowser; contains nsfw and i'm actually currently reading this one! but it's very very good so far and im excited to get through it!

Ice Scream, You Scream (jean kirstein x reader) by LilacMochi; contains nsfw but hehehehehhe i loved it AND I READ IT DURING THE SUMMER LOL IT WAS SO FUN

Sweet Tooth (jean kirstein x reader) by cloudspawn; currently reading this one, but IT IS AMAZING AND AN ABSOLUTE FAVORITE I CANNOT EVEN STRESS HOW GOOD IT IS ISTG (you'll see all my comments under each chapter loll)

[quill-pen]

A Christmas Confession pt. 2 (Married!ScroogeXReader)

Yeah, y'all are gonna have to let me know how you feel about the song in this one. I've debated on whether to stick some musical numbers in the fic to kind of keep up the atmosphere from the movie that this is a world where people will just randomly break out in song and it's just a normal Tuesday, but I don't know. Musical numbers are really not meant to be in writing like that. Songs, sure--Tolkien comes to mind--but not musical numbers. It's just so hard to make them flow well. Ugh. I don't know. Let me know what you think.

Pairing: Ebenezer Scrooge x F!Reader

Warnings: ANGST--oh, we got ANGST--the ANGSTIEST of ANGST. AND pining--more pining. AND SO. MUCH. CRYING. Seriously, this bitch is dehydrated after this. What else we got? Love confessions, forceful kisses, kisseskisseskisses (seriously, how are these people breathing?) some innuendo, face-smushing and nuzzling, some self-deprecation, Ebenezer being an absolute sweetheart of a husband, RO-FREAKING-MANCE, Prudence being called a "dumb mutt" (it's said lovingly, and with context, it's valid), AAAAAANNNNNNDDDDDD... a song and dance number (seriously, this one is a warning--I am not a dancer nor am I convinced song and dance numbers should be in writing like this)

Summary: With children put away, the adults will play! Or at least some adults will. Other adults--mainly Ebenezer and you--still discover just how much you mean to each other.

A/N: As promised--PRUDENCE!!!

Part 1

When you and Ebenezer had finally made sure all the children were tucked snug in bed and had come back to the sitting room, the Cratchits and Huffmans were in the middle of a rousing game of Snap! and hardly seemed to notice your return.  Even old Prudence was trying to get in on the game, squeezing in between Harry and Hela as she watched on, panting heavily and wagging her tail with her tongue lolling in a giant Mastiff grin.  

“I thought we’d just put the children to bed,” you remarked to Ebenezer with a wry smirk.  Really, the adults were being almost as loud and rowdy with the game as the children had been throughout the night!  Everyone was certainly in excitable spirits this evening! 

The man chuckled and shrugged.  “I suppose when the cat’s away,” he said, arms crossed over his chest as he reclined against the wall.  His slate-blue eyes focused on the game, and he seemed to be enjoying it quietly from afar just as much as he would have if he actually participated in it.  He did so seem to enjoy just taking in things at this time of the year, just reveling in the sights and sounds and sensations of it all, as if he were experiencing them all for only the first time.  You supposed, in a way, he was, considering everything he’d told you about his past up until the last couple of years.  How he’d changed from a miserable, cantankerous, stingy, covetous old miser into the cheerful, charming, kind, generous, all-around lovely, and wonderful man you knew now, you still didn’t understand.  When you’d pressed him for details on it, he’d simply told you it was all too fantastical to believe--that he still didn’t believe it himself sometimes.  Oh, well, it didn’t really matter the reason (although you did have a burning curiosity as to why he credited your late father for being the catalyst of it all).  Whatever it was you were just happy it had happened because you quite liked this Ebenezer.  Your Ebenezer.

My Ebenezer… the thought lingered in your mind in a heady way.  He wasn’t yours--not truly.  If he was really yours you would be sleeping in the same bed instead of separate rooms; sharing kisses and secret whispers and other things that married couples shared.  If he was really yours there would have been something more than a signed sheet of paper and a ring that bound the two of you together, something primal and absolute in nature--God-given.  But there wasn’t, as much as you craved for there to be.  Even so, you couldn’t help but think of him as yours anyway, because it hurt too much to live in the reality of your situation all the time; the fantasy of thinking him yours helped keep the edge off.

Speaking of fantasies, you were half in the middle of one now, staring at him.  It was the first chance you’d had all evening to truly get a good look at the man what with all the running about after children and making your Christmas hostess debut.  Salt-and-pepper hair brushed, slicked, and sculpted back, Ebenezer was dressed in his finest attire: a matching deep blue tailcoat and cravat over a brilliant green, swirling jacquard waistcoat, and pristine white starch-collared shirt; crisply ironed dark green trousers; and black shoes polished to an absolute sheen.  All of it tailored to him perfectly (Particularly the trousers, you thought).  He looked sharp and clean and festive and--as far as you were concerned--like the most handsome man in all of England: a Yuletide Adonis.  But as fine as he looked in all his holiday attire, you found your mind wandering.  And wondering.  Wondering… just what Ebenezer might look like… without that coat… that waistcoat… that cravat… that shirt… and those trousers.  With his perfect coiffure, all teased up and flyaway.  On second thought, maybe it would be nice to leave the cravat--might make for good leverage.  You could have chastised yourself: Such sinful, unladylike places for a woman’s mind to go!  Oh, you were starting to feel warm….

“I win!”

You snapped out of your desirous thoughts with a start, gaze flying away from Ebenezer (who seemed to have not caught you staring, thank Heaven) to your guests.  Harry was currently bouncing up and down, laughing and swinging his arms in the air in triumph.  As if she had been teamed with him, Prudence was jumping around with him, her deep bark resounding enthusiastically around the room.  

Laughing heartily, Ebenezer finally made his way into the room and over to his nephew.  “I say, good show, everyone!” he exclaimed, clapping the younger man on the back.  “What shall we play next?  The night is very young!”

“Oh, might we play blind man’s bluff?” Hela piped up excitedly.  “It’s my favorite!”

“All right, why not?” Ebenezer said.  “But I feel I must warn you, I am very good at Blind Man’s Bluff.”

“And I call that a bluff,” Ethel snickered good-naturedly.

Ebenezer gave her a comically pained expression, clutching dramatically at his chest.  “Woman, you wound me!”  That started the whole group to guffaw.  

“All right,” you called out.  “Blind man’s bluff it is.  But we need to make a bit more room in here; I don’t want to be calling the ambulance on Christmas Eve because somebody split their head open tripping over a footstool.”  With hands on your hips, you pointed a look at beloved but altogether clumsy Harry.

“What?” Harry asked innocently.

“Right then,” Ethel said.  “We’ll let the gentlemen move the furniture.  Ladies, why don’t we help ourselves to some refreshments while we’ve the time?  I don’t know about you young maids, but I’m goin’ to need a little somethin’ to boost my energy afore we go scamperin’ about.”

“I am rather peckish,” Hela agreed.

You, Ethel, and Hela all made your way out of the sitting room to be out of the men’s way as they worked and went into the dining room where the snack foods and drink still graced the table, and would grace it for the rest of the night.  A little Christmas Eve buffet.  You remember how the cook had looked at you when you’d told her that’s what you wanted like you were insane.  (“It’s just not how things are done in England, Ma’am.”)  But in the end, it looked like it was working out.  Certainly, nobody seemed to be complaining.

You were just serving yourself up some wassail when Ethel sidled up to you.  “And just where has your mind been tonight, bud?” she asked, her tone teasing.  

You looked at her in genuine confusion.  “I’m sorry?”

The older woman smirked knowingly, an eyebrow raised.  “I saw you,” she said pointedly.  “Standin’ there, gawkin’ and gappin’ like a lovestruck schoolgirl at Ebenezer all decked out in his togs tonight.”  A sinful glimmer sparked in her blue eyes and her smile turned wicked.  “But I’m willin’ to bet it wasn’t him in his togs you was daydreamin’ about was it?”

Your face immediately flushed a bright, crimson red, only made redder by the fact that Hela giggled.  Oh, you were feeling hot again, but this time not in a good way.  “You both saw me?” you squeaked out, positively mortified.

“Of course, we saw!” Hela laughed with a beaming grin.

“We women who’s been in love before always notice when another woman’s in love.”

“In love,” you repeated with a dry chuckle.  “Is that was this is?  Yes, of course, it is, when all I can think about, all I can see, all I can hear, smell, taste, breathe, feel and hope to want and have is that devilishly wonderful man.”  You instinctively twisted your wedding ring and looked down at it.  The golden band housed both yours and Ebenezer’s birthstones as well as the stone of the month you married; hidden inside the circle, nestled against your skin would be the beautifully scripted words ‘Come what may’--a reminder that, whatever happened in this marriage of convenience with regards to your future where your uncle and inheritance were concerned, you and Ebenezer would both be in it.  Together.  A friend supporting a friend.

The delicate little ring sat so perfectly on your ring finger, so simple yet so fine and elegant and beautiful in its simplicity--just like you liked it.  Just like Ebenezer knew you liked it.  You still couldn’t believe the man had gotten it so perfectly right without even consulting you.  Yes, you’d been friends for a while by that point, and he’d known you quite well; but designing a wedding ring without the input of the woman it was intended for was always a gamble, even one so low maintenance as you.  But somehow Ebenezer had just known.  He always seemed to just know with you.  About everything.  Unfortunately, that only made your unreciprocated feelings for him all the deeper and more painful.

You felt tears prick at your eyes and you tried to blink them back.  “I thought love was supposed to be wonderful,” you trembled, looking at both women in desperation.  “So why am I hurting so much?”

You must have sounded even more pathetic than you thought, because the next thing you knew, Hela was sweeping you up into a big, tight hug and murmuring comforting things into your ear.  You just clutched at her, looking for any sort of contact to empty the heartache into.

“I feel crazy,” you admitted after Hela let you go.  “I mean it--I feel like an absolute mad woman.  I’m married to the man, he’s a long way off from dead, I know there's no other woman, we are best of friends, he cares a great deal for me and takes care of me--even spoils me--adores my siblings like his own, we aren’t fighting--in fact, we’re quite happy in our lives together--and, in the end, our marriage will lead to my gaining my inheritance and finally being out from under my uncle’s thumb.  But even with all that, I feel utterly miserable.”

“And why do you think that is?” Ethel prodded gently, a motherly hand on yours.  

You shook your head, tears still stinging your eyes.  “Because… I love him,” you answered softly.  “I love him more than life itself.  But he… he doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

Much to your shock, horror, and chagrin, the two women burst into uproarious laughter.  

“Oh, my poor, poor child!” Ethel gasped, wiping her eyes.  “I didn’t know you were blind!”

“What?” you asked incredulously.  You didn’t much relish the concept of being laughed at.

“Can you really not see it, Y/N?” Hela asked.  “Truly?”

“See what, pray?”

“Ebenezer!” Ethel cut back in, giving you that sly smile again.  "He's positively besotted with you, lovey!"

You blinked at the Cratchit woman, trying to see if she was having you on. "Ha-ha–no. I think not."

"You think not?" Ethel said. "Why?"  It was a challenge.

"Why do you think he is?" you challenged back.

"I have functioning senses, pet."

"Pardon me?"

“We've all seen the way he looks at you, Y/N,” Hela offered, wrapping a sisterly arm around your shoulders. "As if you're the only woman in existence."

“And the way he smiles at you or whenever your name comes up," Ethel continued, “like your the source of all joy itself!”

Hela went on: “No one could miss how he speaks to you.”

“In all the time since he changed, I’ve never heard him call anyone ‘Sweetness’ except for you,” Ethel declared.  "Not even your Millie!"

“That’s simply because of our friendship,” you insisted. 

“Is it?” Ethel pressed, ever bullheaded.  “Only because of your friendship?”

You scowled a bit at the woman.  “I don’t think I need to remind you that Ebenezer’s and my friendship runs a bit more deeply than most,” you firmly stated, “as well as a bit… unconventionally.”

“You don’t say!” Ethel gasped sarcastically.

“But it does not mean that we are in love with each other,” you continued on, scowl deepening.  “Yes, while I’ve come to love Ebenezer because of it, it seems quite clear to me that he continues to see me as nothing more than a friend.”

“Oh, it seems quite clear to her,” Ethel pointed out, giving Hela a pointed look while jutting a thumb at you.  The Indian woman tittered.

You rolled your eyes in complete exasperation.  “That’s it,” you deadpanned, throwing back the last bit of your punch and walking away.  “I’ve had enough of being laughed at for one evening.”

“Can’t help you much, if you wish to think yourself unloved, sweet,” Ethel called after you.  “Just keep in mind what we said!”

You stormed out of the dining room and through the hall back towards the sitting room, slowing down when you heard the jolly singing of Christmas carols accompanied by Prudence’s howling.  Creeping to the door of the sitting room, you quietly and carefully peeked inside.  The men had moved the more trip-hazardous pieces of furniture while leaving the bigger pieces in place to serve as barriers for the game.  Now, they were simply having a jolly old time singing, Harry dancing around with Prudence by the front paws.  All their voices were raised high in song, but Ebenezer’s rose above them all, rich and full and beautiful and full of emotion as always.  Again your heart contracted in love pains for the man who was your husband, yet not your husband.  Why?  Why did he have to be just so. Damn.  Perfect?!  Any sort of flaw would have helped to dull the hurt, but here he was, apparently completely without faults!  Oh, why did this have to happen to you?!

Pulling back behind the door, you sidled away until you could press your back up against the wall.  And there you stayed, listening to your husband-in-name-only and friends singing, your aching heart thudding in your chest to the point you felt your entire being vibrating from it.  Again you began to twist the ring on your finger.  Again you looked at it, this time pulling it off your finger to gaze closely at the script inside.  Could ‘Come what may’, possibly mean something more than your and Ebenezer’s friendship?  Could Ethel and Hela be right?   Could Ebenezer be hiding feelings of love from you, just as you were hiding yours from him?

You wondered….

No.  Ebenezer didn’t hide things from you.  He was above that.  And he had to know you felt something for him because, again, with you, he always knew.  So if he felt something for you in turn, why would he not come out and say it instead of hiding it? What would be the point if he knew you felt the same?  That could only mean he was trying to spare you from being hurt, by pretending as though he realized nothing about your feelings.  By acting like a close friend would normally act.  He was trying to make it easier for you–the rejection.  In reality, he was just making it that much harder.  

With a heavy sigh, you slipped your ring back on.  The little weight it provided was both sad and comforting at the same time.  You pushed off the wall and moved towards the windows, using them as a mirror as you checked yourself over.  You tidied your hair, straightened your dress, and took deep, long breaths to try and calm yourself.  It was Christmas Eve and tomorrow was Christmas.  You had company--most of which were children–and tomorrow you would have more.  You weren’t going to turn into a blubbering mess over things that couldn’t be helped--that wouldn’t be a good hostess.

“Ah-ha, Y/N!”

You turned from the window and smiled at Bob and Harry.  “Ready?” you asked them.

“Yes!”  Harry exclaimed.  “All ready for the game!”

“I’ll go let Hela and Ethel know,” you said.

“No, we’ll go,” Bob said.  “We want to get something to eat and drink before we start anyway.  You go help Ebenezer with the blindfold--he’s to be the first blind man.”  With that, the two of the hurried off down the hall.

Your stomach dropped out.  You and Ebenezer alone?  You helping him tie a blindfold on?  Presumably, having to be fairly close to him in order to do so--particularly his face?!  Oh, this was not a good situation for you right now--not good at all!

All at once, the cause of your dilemma came walking out of the sitting room, Prudence clicking loyally along at his heels.  Ebenezer was scowling now, fiddling with this cravat, trying to work it loose.  “Damn… bloody… tie,” he muttered.

You couldn’t help the smile that curled your lips or the little giggle that escaped you.  The sight tickled you so; watching him do battle with his own necktie.  And his expressive eyes and brows were almost comically grouchy.

Ebenezer then directed his scowl at you, but there was a definite playful twinkle in his eye.  “And just what might you find so funny?” he demanded.

You smirked at him.  “You,” you admitted.  “You’ll strangle yourself if you’re not careful.”

“And you find that funny, do you?”

“No.  But the way you’re wrestling that tie as if it owes you money, I do.”

“Well, perhaps instead of laughing at my predicament, you would be so kind as to find it within yourself to help me.”  The man was smirking himself now.

You stopped laughing at that.  Immediately you were right back to where you had been, realizing you were going to be close to Ebenezer--very close--and panicking over it.  “Uh-Y-yes,” you stammered, swallowing hard.  Your mouth felt so dry.  “O-Of course.”  Slowly you approached him, feeling as if you were in a daze.  Did he notice?  Oh, please God, don’t let him notice!  Please don’t let him realize the state I’m in!

Ebenezer, now smiling pleasantly as ever, loomed before you. Like a tree. A great, attractive, charming spruce tree of a man.  You came to a stop directly in front of him. He towered over you, the top of your head just reaching his chin. That beautiful, strong, sculpted chin….

Suddenly that chin was coming closer as he bowed down a bit for you to reach his cravat.  "Is that better?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you," you murmured tonelessly.  You reached up and took hold of the cravat and began working your fingers through the knot.  You tried to focus solely on that. Not the fact that you were so close to Ebenezer you could feel his body heat. So close you swore you could hear his heartbeat.  You tried to forget the fact of how close his face was to yours–just a bit above and angled towards you–his warm breath caressing your skin. You tried to ignore that you could feel his eyes on you, tried to ignore that you could smell a mixture of his cologne and his natural scent.  Mother of God, what a heavenly smell!  A man's smell!  Ebenezer's smell.   You fought against the urge to go weak in the knees. Good God, why am I so feeble?

"You look absolutely lovely."

You froze, his silky cravat nearly untied and threaded between your fingers.  Eyes wide, you snapped your face up to his, heart leaping into your throat.  E/c stared into slate blue.

Ebenezer looked just as surprised as you as if he hadn't intended to say that.  But he had, and there was no backing out now.  "I-I don't believe I told you that this evening," he went on, trying to explain the sudden statement.  "And… well… y-you look lovely, Y/N. Very lovely indeed." He cleared his throat and tore his gaze from yours, lips pulling together in a thin line.  His cheeks and ears were tinged the slightest shade of pink. 

"Oh," you said, a bit dazedly. Your eyes fell back to the cravat. "Thank you."  You finished your work and smoothly slipped the tie from his neck, the smooth, body-warmed material seeming to slither into your hand.  You know, technically, you're undressing him, the concept slipped out of the dark, wicked crevice of your mind before you could stop it.  You felt yourself flush all over from both horrified embarrassment and–God help you–flaming desire.  Without a doubt you were your own worst enemy in this!

"Not that you don't normally look lovely," Ebenezer suddenly continued on from his previous statements. His voice was rushed, his tone jittery.  His eyes darted to look everywhere but at you.  "You always look lovely–there is no question of that! It is just that you look particularly lovely this evening. And… well…" he cleared his throat again and forced himself to look at you, "... you look lovely."

A corner of your mouth twitched into a slight smile, Ebenezer's sweet, nervous charm working its way through the veil of panic.  The man could be positively adorable sometimes. "Thank you, Ebenezer," you repeated, your voice sounding more like you this time.

Evidently, your smile and tone were noticeable, because Ebenezer's own lips quirked into a soft smile as well, the nervousness fading from his eyes.  He remained blushing though; that only made him more endearing in your view.

There came an annoyed huff from somewhere around both your legs.  And then-

“Whoa-oof!”

You froze, eyes wide in alarm at the predicament you suddenly found yourself in:  Ebenezer had just quite literally toppled into you!  Your hands were pressed flat to his chest as they’d shot up and out to try and stop his fall, and his hands had come to find purchase on your low waist as he’d instinctively reached out to find something to grab onto a save him from falling on his face.  Speaking of face, his face was against yours, his angular nose slipped right in aside yours, pressing into your cheek.  Your lips just barely ghosted against each other, startled pants of breath mixing together and warming your faces (though that definitely wasn’t the only reason your face was so hot).  You stared pop-eyed directly into each other's eyes.  To top it all off, you were just ever so slightly bent over backward with Ebenezer bowed over you as if the man were taking you into a dip.  And you stayed like that.  For how long, you didn’t know, but you both just stayed, unsure of what to do, or how to react.

A little whine caused you both to look away from each other (though only your eyes moved) and down to see Prudence sitting there between you.  Her loveable brown eyes seemed to sparkle as she looked between you and Ebenezer, her lolling Mastiff grin as wide as ever.  Ridiculous to think it as it was considering she was a dog, you knew immediately that Prudence had done this on purpose.  After all, you’d come to the conclusion a while ago that the dog wasn’t exactly an ordinary dog.  And due to all of that, you had even less of an idea of how to react to this.

“Prudence…” Ebenezer growled warningly, his brow furrowing against yours.

His lips brushed a bit more firmly against yours as he spoke, his growl vibrating his firm chest beneath your palms.  The reaction in you to these sensations was immediate and startling: your breath hitching into a small gasp; a warm mist floating into your mind that blocked out every other thing except the man before you; a great heat flushed throughout your body, warming you to the very center of your being, leaving you feeling lightheaded; your already hammering heart sped up to a flutter; your stomach lurched and twisted and twined in sickeningly beautiful ways; your eyes fluttered to half-mast.  You felt like you could die, cry, and fly all at once, and Ebenezer hadn’t even kissed you yet.  Without thinking, you curled your splayed fingers into the lapels of his coat and gently tugged at him.

The man’s eyes came back to yours and immediately melted into softness upon finding your half-lidded gaze.  Whether he realized what he was doing or not, his grip on your waist tightened ever so slightly.  That caused you to quietly whimper, which in turn caused him to pull you closer.  His hair coif draped down and tickled the side of your face.  His heart--his wonderfully good heart--beat out a strong, steady rhythm against your palm.

Your eyes slipped closed in reverie at the deepening touch.  “Ebenezer…” the whisper of his name escaped your lips before you realized it.

“Y/N,” he returned, voice husky and rumbling even as it was quiet in tone.  He gently pulled you even closer, angling his face so that his lips pressed and slid against your mouth and cheek--not in a kiss just yet, but a sort of nuzzle, flat and flush and warm.  And it felt completely divine: soft and smooth as velvet against your sensitive skin.  Except for his muttonchops, which left a delightfully ticklish twinge behind as the hair brushed against you.  Lightning sparked along your nerves.

You opened your eyes just a bit to look up beneath your lashes to see that his eyes were now closed, looking to be in as much of a trance as you.  God above, he looked heavenly; felt heavenly too.  You felt the slightest hint of pursed, pillowy lips on your cheek, again not kissing yet, just caressing your flesh.  The man was working his way up to it and, by God, you were going to let him!  His process was going too well to interrupt him now--magic was happening!

Slowly Ebenezer pull you into him and straightened the two of you up, his face still pressed to yours, lips against your cheek, your temple, your brow.  He slid them languidly down the bridge of your nose before lifting them off your skin.  The tip of his nose still nudging yours, he opened his eyes and met gaze again.  You’d never seen those slate-blue beauties so liquidy before, the black centers expanded and endless.  The tall man said nothing, but merely let his gaze drift from your eyes down to your mouth and back again, silently asking permission.

God, you wanted to give it!  You wanted nothing more than for him to sweep you into his strong, warm arms and claim your lips and mouth for his own.  You longed to feel him, taste him--longed for it more than you longed for breath.  (If he could have been your breath, that would have been a godsend.)  But… you didn’t give permission.  You couldn’t bring yourself to.  Because you didn’t know for sure what all of this was, what it meant, what it could possibly mean and lead to.  What you did know was if you did give permission, if you let him kiss you, you would be committing an irrevocable act by giving your heart wholly to this man.  He practically had it already, and that was painful enough; but if he took the whole thing and it came to pass that this… display was nothing more than an excess of Christmas cheer mixed with good food and drink you would be shattered beyond repair.  And it would have been better to die than be a walking husk.

Your heart throbbing with love and want and hurt, you forced yourself to turn your face from his.  “Don’t.”

“Y/N?”

Good God, the softness in his voice, his obvious confusion as to why you were pulling away when you so clearly wanted it--it stabbed you right in the gut.  But you had to turn him away.  You had to stop this--to try and protect yourself at least a little bit.  You let him go, pushing away from him.  “Please, don’t.”

He gently reached for you, looking hurt.  “Y/N, please.”

You jerked back from his touch.  “Don’t!”  The tears back in your eyes and spilling down your cheeks this time, you rushed across the hall to the front doors.  I’m dying!  You were sure you were dying--your chest felt like it was going to cave in and you couldn’t breathe because of it.  You felt so incredibly hot like you were being roasted alive.  Air--I need air!   

Throwing open the door, you burst out into the frigid London night and practically stumbled down the stairs.  When you reached the cobblestones your legs gave out from under you and you collapsed into a snowdrift with a muted fwoomp!, the fluffy snow fwooshing up around your skirts to create your own, personal flurry.  You gasped.  Then you retched and coughed, your stomach heaving violently.  Nothing came up, but you retched again and continued to dry heave and gasp for air.  God in Heaven, you felt like hell!  But you could feel the crisp, coldness of the air and snow around you now, and that loosened the tightness in your chest so you could breathe again.  When you weren’t trying to gag up your innards, that is.

“Y/N!” Ebenezer’s horrified voice reached your ears.  Both it and Prudence’s bark sounded muffled through the ringing din in your head, but you heard them all the same, and you felt Ebenezer’s presence come to kneel beside you in the snow.  A warm cloak was draped over your shuddering shoulders.  “Love, are you all right?!”  A hand pressed to your forehead; a wet, black nose sniffed you over in investigation.  “Mother of God, you’re burning up!  We need to get you to the hospital!”   He made to stand, but you grabbed his hand, keeping him with you. 

“I’m all right,” you croaked, eyes on the ground as you still tried to wrestle your breath back.  

He wrenched out of your grip and brought both his hands to hold your shoulders.  “You are clearly not all right!” he insisted, giving you a little shake for emphasis.  “You’re ill, my dear--violently ill!  You could be suffering from cholera--or maybe scarlet fever with as red as you are--or something worse!”

Your head was starting to clear out, the ringing fading away.  You managed to look up at the panicking man and give him a feeble glare.  “Ebenezer, I’m fine,” you said as insistently as you could.  “I’m not ill.”  A whining Prudence pressed her cold nose against your cheek, her gentle eyes worried.  You turned to her, wrapping your arms around her neck and burying your face in her warm ruff.  “You dumb mutt,” you muttered meekly.  “You put me in this position.”

“Well, there must be something wrong,” Ebenezer continued, standing upright in indignance, “because I don’t believe you would be having this violent a reaction to simply not wanting to kiss me.” 

You pulled your face from the Mastiff’s fur and looked up at the man to see his face flushed.  Whether it was from his panic over you,  his anger at your denial of medical aid, or the fact that he had just admitted he’d meant to kiss you, you didn’t know.  Your eyes slipped from his to Prudence again, focusing on her soft, golden-brown fur as you stroked it.  “No,” you agreed softly.  “This didn’t happen because I don’t want to kiss you.”  You stopped petting Prudence and grasped at the cloak, pulling it closer and tighter.  Biting your lip, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to hold back the absolute storm of tears that you knew was coming.  It had all been building for so long; now everything was about to break loose and turn what should have been the happiest and most beautiful night of the year into an utter disaster.  And all because you just couldn’t keep your emotions in check.  Damn it all, you were so pathetic! 

A choked sob escaped you and you buried your face in the velvetiness of the cloak. 

Once again, Ebenezer was kneeling back at your side, his arms coming around you and pulling you to his chest.  He gently tried to hush you.  “Shhh,” he whispered against your ear.  “Hush now, Darling--I have you.  It’s all right.”

“It’s not all right!” you spat bitterly, face still hidden in the cloak.

“Then tell me, Y/N--tell me so that I might make it right.”  His long, large fingers combed over your hair as he pressed a tender kiss to your hairline.  “Please, tell me, Sweetness.”  He dared to slip a finger beneath your chin and lift your head just enough so he could meet your eyes, which he did so beseechingly.  “Please.”

You stared at him through silent tears for a moment, so many things swirling around inside you that you didn’t know where to start on what to say.  How could you possibly tell him when there was so much?  “How do you not know?” the question finally squeaked out of your throat.  Your vision swam as tears welled up in your eyes, ready to overflow in a torrent.  “When you always seem to just know when it comes to me… how could you not know, Ebenezer?  You knew with my ring; you knew with my wedding dress; you’ve known with every single thing you’ve ever gotten me or done for me or said to me.  H-How can you possibly not know… about this?  How can you not see what you’re doing to me?”

Ebenezer looked both baffled and fearful.  “How can I not know what, Y/N?” he asked urgently.  “What am I doing to you?”

You closed your eyes tight and swallowed hard, tears burning down your cheeks.  God, help me.  “It’s not that I didn’t want to kiss you, Ebenezer,” you started slowly, your voice raspy.  You dared to open your eyes and look at him again.  “I did want to.  I do want to.  God above, ever since you proposed I’ve wanted nothing but to kiss you every day so damn badly it hurts!  Kiss you and…” you felt your cheeks burn in a way that had nothing to do with your tears, “... and more.”  

Ebenezer remained silent, all his attention on you as if he were hanging on to every word falling from your lips.  Well, I least he was going to let you get it out, and not cut you off in the middle with his rejection.  There would be some catharsis in that at least.  

“I-I know it’s… unladylike to say such things.  But I’m not a Lady. … So I suppose the only reason I haven’t said or done anything before now is entirely due to cowardice.”  You took a deep breath and pulled your gaze from the man’s and looked down at your hands as they fiddled with a loose thread at the hem of the cloak.  You knew you wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye when you finally confessed your secret.  You wouldn’t be able to handle the sight of rejection before the word of it came.  “The truth is… I love you, Ebenezer Scrooge.  I love you and I’ve been in love with you for a long while--though I can’t rightly say when it happened; I know it was before we married. … I think even before you proposed.”  You just dared flicker your gaze up to see the man still knelt there, his expression completely stunned.

“The point is, I love you,” you rushed on, looking down again.  “I love you and I don’t want an annulment after I’ve gained my inheritance.  In fact, I don’t ever want to leave or be without you, Ebenezer.  You make my world better just by being a part of it.  Being around you makes me indescribably happy.  Hearing your voice, seeing your smile, listening to your laugh, touching your hand, feeling your arm around me, having you look at me--you are all I could have ever asked for or wanted in life!  Ebenezer, I love you and I want you--all of you, now and forever--as my friend, as my lover, as my husband, fully and truly in every possible sense of the word.  There could never be another for me.  And I know I can hardly hope to dream that you would feel the same way for me and that we could have something more than what we do, and I know that I will probably ruin what we do have by saying these things now--but it simply hurts too much to keep silent any longer!  So if I’ve ruined our friendship now, I’m sorry but-” 

You were suddenly wrenched up off the cobbles and cut off by a pair of lips smashing into yours.  Ebenezer clutched you flush to him, his arm around your waist, holding you with a grip so tight it was like he was afraid you might try to run or fly away from him.  He had one hand tangled into your hair at the back of your head, holding you in place as he angled his face to kiss you as deeply as he could, his nose digging into your cheek.  The kiss was full of tears--both his and yours--searing, and desperate, his hold crushing and painful; and it all felt completely amazing!  It was all you could do to hold onto the man to stay upright and not melt away into a puddle of ecstatic mush.  In that moment you became completely his; his name branded on you very soul.

When he finally broke the kiss, your nose hurt from being smushed into his cheek, your ribs hurt from being crushed to his chest, and you were sure your lips were going to be swollen from the force he’d used, but you didn’t care.  All you cared about was what you had just felt in that kiss, and what you had felt was everything you’d just emptied out of the very depths of your soul being reciprocated back to you.  “Ebenezer…” you breathed against his lips.

“I love you,” the man whispered back, voice cracking with emotion.  Tears trickled from eyes full of sheer passion, devotion, and joy as he gazed almost worshipfully at you from beneath incredibly long, dark lashes.  “God be praised--I love you, Y/N.  More than any words could ever describe.”

“I love-”  You were cut off again by another passionate kiss and you just as eagerly gave into it as the first time, wrapping your arms around Ebenezer’s neck to pull him down closer.  This kiss didn’t hurt quite as much, but it burned just as hotly.  Lights were dancing behind your eyes  as your heart raced, you stomach filled to the brim with thousand of butterflies  His lips felt so perfect, so soft and smooth, burning and soothing at the same time as they caressed yours.  Every once in a while his teeth would nip at your lips, or his tongue would graze ever so slightly against you until at last you pulled him in deeper, opening your mouth for him to explore.  You explored his in turn, groaning at the taste of him as he did with you.   You’d been kissed before, but you’d never experienced anything like this.  It was like Ebenezer’s kisses were made only for you--like his lips and mouth and tongue were made only for you--like he was made only for you.

Several long, blissful seconds ticked by as the two of you stood in each other’s embrace, lips and tongues tangled together, dancing, caressing, molding your mouths into a most perfect union accompanied by a chorus of quiet gasps, moans, and growls.  Had anyone walked by, they would have thought the two of you positively indecent, but neither you nor Ebenezer would have cared.  You wouldn’t have even noticed anybody else.  As far as the two of you were concerned, there weren’t any other people in the entire world; even sweet old Prudence was left quite forgotten bounding and bouncing for joy around you.  There were just the two of you, your love, and the snow falling gently around you.  It was absolutely magical!

When the two of you finally parted again, you were both left panting and flushed.  Slipping your arms down from his neck and around his back, you nuzzled into the steel-haired man’s chest, the softest and happiest of smiles pulling up your swollen lips.  You sighed dreamily: “Oh, Ebenezer….”   His scent filled your nostrils, making your head swim even more than it already was.  You were weightless, floating--absolutely floating.  And you never wanted to stop.

“Y/N,” Ebenezer murmured.  He pressed gentle kisses to your head, his arms wrapped securely around you with hands gently caressing your back, shoulders, and arms.  Adoration for you and only you seeped out of every pore in the man’s body, making you feel as warm and toasty as though were you snuggled up under a thick blanket before the hearth rather than out in the middle of a snowy winter night.  “I never thought I would be able to feel this way about anyone ever again,” he whispered almost to himself.  He closed his eyes and nuzzled into your hair with a gentle smile, inhaling deep and long as though he wished to fill his lungs with your scent just as yours were filled with his.  He chuckled softly, chest rumbling beneath your head.  “Yet here I am, so utterly, impossibly, hopelessly in love with you, I fear I may either die on the spot or soar up and through the heavens forever after hearing that you feel the same way.”

With a giggle, you lifted your face to his again.  “Well, please don’t die,” you gently teased, lifting a hand up to brush a stray hair from his face.  “But you can only go soaring so long as you take me with you.”  You trailed delicate fingers around his left ear, down his cheek, and over his lips

The man leaned into your touch, kissing your fingertips.  “You’ll have to steady me,” he told you.  “I’m afraid I’m not much good at soaring.”  He said it like he actually knew that to be a fact.

“Of course, I’ll steady you,” you assured him, reaching your other hand up now as well to hold his face between them.  You gave him a smile filled with all the love and devotion you had for him.  “I will always steady you, Ebenezer--so long as you guide me.”

“Of course, I’ll guide you,” Ebenezer declared.  He reached up to stroke a callused thumb along your right cheekbone, wiping away what remained of your tears.  “Wherever I go, I will be sure that you are there by my side, step for step--my life partner, my steadying hand…” if it were possible, the look in the man’s slate-blue eyes became softer, “... my wife.”

Your stomach did somersaults; your heart swelled to the point you felt it would burst from your chest and rise into the night sky like a hot air balloon.  ‘Wife’: Ebenezer had called you his wife!  The word brought a fresh wave of tears to your eyes and a lump formed in your throat.  “Truly?” you whispered, almost afraid this was all too good to be true.

As if sensing your fear, Ebenezer cupped your cheek in his large palm and bowed his face to yours, his nose touching yours as he gazed into your eyes with sincerity.  “Truly,” he answered.  “I promise you--with all my heart and soul, Mrs. Scrooge.”

‘Mrs. Scrooge’....  A squeaky cry, escaped you as the tears began to fall again.  You pressed a trembling hand over your quivering lips.

Looking concerned, Ebenezer hugged you closer to him.  “Darling?”

You shook your head, dismissing his worry.  “I’m fine,” you stated, voice muffled in your palm.  “I’m fine, Ebenezer, truly, it’s just… that’s the first time I’ve been called ‘Mrs. Scrooge’ since we married and… and to hear it coming from you is… I…” you dropped off into a fit of unintelligible sobs, unable to find the right words or the ability to say them even if you had.  This….  This was everything you could have ever hoped for and never thought you would have!

With a warm, rumbling chuckle, Ebenezer cradled the back of your head in his palm and kissed your furrowed brow.  “I know, Sweetness,” he soothed.  “I know.  Believe me--it feels the same to say it.”  Smiling, he bowed his head until his lips were right by your ear and whispered rather huskily and with emphasis, “Mrs. Scrooge.”

Whatever last hold you had on yourself, with that it dissipated.  Completely overcome with emotion, you threw your arms around your husband’s neck, tangled your hands in his hair, and all but yanked him down to your lips for another kiss, a wet and sobbing mess as you were.  He didn’t seem to mind the mess you were and kissed you very eagerly back, hands groping at your shoulders and the small of your back

When you parted, you pressed your face into the crook of your husband’s neck, sobbing away the last of your happy tears in privacy.  You were so happy--so terribly, terribly overjoyed!  You hadn’t known happiness such as this existed.  Surely this is what it must have felt like to enter into Heaven. Maybe you were in Heaven.  Maybe both you and Ebenezer had perished from the cold and were now in Heaven together.  For all eternity.  You swore you could hear a heavenly orchestra playing right now, hauntingly beautiful, tender music ringing through the Christmas Eve night, riding on the gentle breeze with the snowflakes.  You were so overcome with joy, you swore you could sing to it, mad as it sounded.

Apparently, you weren't the only one:

“Never knew I could feel like this…” Ebenezer’s voice lifted in song softly beside your ear, “... like I’ve never seen the sky before.”  He pulled out of your embrace and took a step back, eyes cast heavenward and reaching a hand up as though to touch the velvet blackness above. After a second he looked back at you with an adoring smile and reached out to stroke and hold your left cheek.  You nuzzled into his palm, bringing a hand up to hold his hand closer.  The man crooned on: “Want to vanish inside your kiss.  Every day I love you more and more.”  Slipping your hand into his hand, he pulled you into him again and pressed your palm to his chest.  “Listen to my heart--can you hear it sing?  Telling me to give you-” he spun away from you, eyes wide and shining, arms stretched out as he turned in a circle encompassing your surroundings,”-everything!  Seasons may change--winter to spring.”  His arms slowly fell and he turned back to you, stepping up to bring you close in his arms again, gaze gentle once more.  “But I love you…” he gazed deeply into your eyes, “... until the end of time.” 

There seemed to be a swell in the music on the air, and Ebenezer moved with it, sweeping you up into a graceful, sweeping waltz around the yard and into the street, singing on: “Come what may….  Come what may….  I will love you… until my dying day.”  The music in the air seemed to quieten and Ebenezer paused in the waltz, simply relishing in the experience of holding you--his wife, the woman he loved--close.  He pressed his forehead to yours and you both closed your eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

That stirring deep inside your soul had grown stronger and more noticeable with each passing moment.  Now it had finally gained enough power to break free, rising up out of your throat in melody: “Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.”  You shifted closer to your husband, and stretched a leg out behind you and around in a circle, daintily skimming the toe of your shoe over the surface of the snow.  “Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace.”  You reached up and cradled Ebenezer’s sculpted jaw in your hands and gazed lovingly at him.  “Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste--it all revolves around you….”

Smiling, Ebenezer swept you up into dance again, and you both continued on, harmonizing with each other: “And there’s no mountain too high-” your husband hoisted you up with one arm onto his hip as you braced one hand on his shoulder and your knees on his thigh, second hand raised skyward, “-no river too wide!”  You dropped down and spun out from Ebenezer until your arms were stretched to the max and you were held together just by the tips of your fingers.  Then you stepped closer together and looped your arms together as you faced one way and he the other, ever gazing into one another’s eyes, carouseling around.  “Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side!”  Ebenezer grabbed your hand and you twirled around him in a large arc, he acting as the anchor.  “Storm clouds may gather--stars may collide…” you spun back into him and he caught you in both arms, dipping you low before bringing you back up to hold again and sing, “... but I love you-” 

You lovingly traced your thumb across Ebenezer’s lips, “-I love you…”

“-until the end-” “... until the end of-” “-of time.”

Your husband carried you off into the sweeping waltz again as the music in your souls swelled anew.  “Come what may….  Come what may….  I will love you… until my dying day!”  Ebenezer hoisted you up with one arm again, both of you facing opposite directions again as he spun you, one of your arms braced across his shoulders for support the other trailing through the air, making snowflakes swirl.  “Come what may….  Come what may….  I will love you…” 

You slowly slipped back down into the circle of your man’s arms, wrapping your arms around his neck and nuzzling your nose against his, basking in the lovelight of his gaze.  “Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place….” 

The music swelled to a crescendo and Ebenezer scooped you up into the air one final time.  His arms wrapped around your thighs as he spun and gazed up into your face, your hands braced on his broad shoulders yet again.  “Come what may…!  Oh, come what may…!  Oh!  I will love you… until my dying… day!”

You collapsed into Ebenezer with another kiss, your arms tight around his neck, his tight around your waist and back as he held you up.  

The sound of applause startled you apart: You looked over your husband’s head as he shifted around to look.  A scorching hot blush burned your face red.  You had an audience: the Cratchits, the Huffmans, and all of the staff that hadn’t taken the night off you offered were standing there at the top step of the entrance.  And they were cheering!  Some of the more tenderhearted of the bunch were even dabbing at their eyes with hankies.  (Harry, however, was in an all-out bawl, hunched over Hela’s shoulder as she patted his back while he wept tears of joy.)  Previously forgotten Prudence was bounding around you and Ebenezer, barking and grinning away, her tail fanning the air such as it never had before

“Oh, bloody hell….” Ebenezer muttered his face as crimson as yours (which really was a rather lovely shade on him, honestly).  He squeezed you closer as you hid your face in his neck and scowled at the others for their intrusion.   

The others really didn’t seem to care.  It was impossible to be scared of the old Scrooge Scowl when the man was red as a cooked lobster and had just been caught singing and dancing a love song with his young wife in the snow.

“Well, it’s about bloomin’ time!” Ethel exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in an emphatic manner.  “What did I tell ya?  “Only because of our friendship” my arse.  Now come back inside, you waltzin’ lovebirds, afore you catch your deaths of cold!”

With that, your audience all began to retreat back inside, leaving the two of you to pull yourselves together.

Ebenezer slowly set you back on your own feet, but his arms remained around you, a warm hand rubbing comforting circles between your shoulder blades.  “Are you all right, my love?”

Your face still hidden in his chest, you began to shake with laughter.  “I’m more than all right,” you answered, pulling your face from its hiding place to meet your husband’s attentive gaze.  “Much, much more than all right.”

The man’s eyes sparkled with happiness at that declaration, his mouth pulling into a beaming smile.  “I take it you’re happy then?”

You nodded.  “So terribly happy, I could burst.”

“Excellent.  I intend on trying my level best to keep you that way.”

If it had been at all possible for your already overflowing heart to swell more, it would have.  A gentle prick stung the corner of your eyes, but your tear ducts had just about cried themselves out for the night.  Reaching up, you ran your hands through Ebenezer’s soft hair before twining your fingers into the thick, silver locks at the back of his head.  You noted the way he quietly moaned (in fact almost purred) in contentment as you did this.  That would be a handy detail about your husband to keep in mind--very handy indeed….  “I love you, Ebenezer Scrooge.”

His arms tightened around you.  “And I love you, Y/N Scrooge.  Until the end of time.”  Unexpectedly he swooped you up into his arms bridal style, making you squeal before pressing his lips to your smiling mouth once more, growling into your mouth as you gave an experimental tug on his hair.  Then he carried you across the cobblestones, up the steps, and through the doors of the house--your house, together.  A true and very much in love married couple at last.  It was going to be the greatest and happiest of all Christmases.

[mxltifxnd0m]

FOR ASK GAME I WANT TO ASK ABOUT TRUE BLUEEE MY FAVEEE <33

and also falling foolishly !!! <333

-mari @prentissluvr

HI HI DOVE!! <33 ughh and im honored that my first sam fic is your fav!! [its under the cut bc i yapped loll]

⟡ true blue

My favorite scene

ooh it has to be the little rant the reader does and then when sam interrupts them with the confession

Hardest scene to write

err gonna be so real here, the kiss was a little difficult bc i have no frame of reference when it comes to it #haventhadmyfirstkissyet loll

Favorite character to write in the fic

the reader!! i love making them sassy or stubborn ;)) [secretly based on my personality]

Favorite dynamic to write in the fic

obviously sam and the reader!! i remember being unsure about writing sam since i hadn't done it before so i kinda yoloed it and just wrote based on what i knew about sam and what mannerisms that he had. but i also like writing when the character x reader have arguments or banter loll

Why I chose that title

tbh i was listening to billie's new album at the time and i just felt it fit with the story and i couldn't get that particular line out of my head

A fun fact about the fic

as mentioned before, it was the first fic i had written for sam and the first time i had posted a piece of fanfiction since like december of last year on tumblr!

⟡ falling foolishly

My favorite scene

ohh this is a hard one for sure bc i love this in its entirety but it has to be when sam comes out on the balcony to chat with the reader had gives her his brown jacket @_@ ughh i loved that so much [im asking this as if i didn't write it lol]

Hardest scene to write

i don’t think there was a scene i struggled on loll this was one of the fics that i actually could write through the scenes playing in my mind

Favorite character to write in the fic

it was jess!! i wished that we saw more of her personality in the show but im glad that i could interpret her as a bestie to the reader because i know she'd be such a good friend!!

Favorite dynamic to write in the fic

ughh it was obviously jess and the reader! i loved writing the banter between the two of them and just the flirty nature they have with one another because i had a friendship that mirrored jess and the readers hehe <3

it probs should have been sam and the reader but lets be real, this is more of a jess x reader fic than sam x reader LOLL

Why I chose that title

i chose it bc its technically apart of a smau series and the titles were based of the song/lyrics of must be love by laufey so hence it chose the line "falling foolishly" bc i thought it fit hehe.

A fun fact about the fic

its prequel to my SMAU's for stanford sam and my first stanford non hunting au fic! oh and it was my first request for sammy!

ARGHH THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN MARI!! <33 [also sorry if it took forever to get to i was at the dentist loll]

⟡ jump in my inbox for the ask game!

[ithappensoffstage]

if you ever want to write something for Protagoneil again I would love to request something where it's the Protagonist who takes care of Neil for the first time. Neil was always the one to save his ass and now it's time for John to do the same. Perhaps Neil got drugged on a mission and he's really out of it so John takes care of him while drugged Neil looks at him all lovingly.

I'm so sorry that this got buried in my ask box for 3 years, but thank you for your prompt and here's the finished fic! You can read it here or on AO3.

To Think That We Could Stay the Same

Earlier—later—in Neil’s other life, he was a little bit dramatic. A little bit cocky, a little bit of a risk-taker. But he was also careful and rational.

This later—earlier—Neil is reckless. Bold, bordering on stupid.

John blames it on Neil’s youth. Of course a fresher-faced Tenet has something to prove. He wants to be valuable, worthy of John’s praise, and first in line for promotions. John wishes he could tell him he’s already proved himself—will prove himself. That John already trusts him with everything he has.

He can’t, though. And it’s like Neil knows there’s some secret between them. Neil, before, he was so good at lying. Pretending at ignorance, feigning that he didn’t feel … whatever it was—hopefully is—that he felt, feels, for John.

Lying is standard operating procedure, and the policy is to suppress. Fine. John’s good at restraining his feelings, but not at burying or concealing them completely. It causes Neil to be desperate to be deserving of those secrets.

He recalls Neil in Mumbai. That’s not possible, he had said. But to this Neil, everything is possible. It scares the hell out of John.

They’re in Tokyo. John’s there to supervise the retrieval of a large inverted munitions shipment. Ives is there to run security. Dark suit, concealed weapons, beard shorter than it’s ever been, and hair longer than it’s ever been. John wonders when he’s going to shave it off.

Neil, of course, is bouncing between Ives’ and John’s teams. Ives has been teaching him the militaristic ropes. John has been preparing him for his inevitable leadership role. Between Ives and John, they should be able to keep track of one overly ambitious rookie.

As it turns out, they’re wrong.

“What the hell happened, huh? You were supposed to be watching him!” John shouts.

He bursts into the med room of their Tokyo base like a man possessed. It’s clean and white, bright and sterile. John hates it. He wants it to be as ugly as his mind right now. Uglier, actually—as awful as what he wants to do to the men who hurt Neil.

“He said he was on his way to you,” Ives replies calmly.

“And you believed him?”

Ives raises an eyebrow, and John knows he’s being unfair. He’s angrier than he ever has been with Ives. Even counting the time Ives let Neil invert himself and die for them.

John closes his eyes. Exhales. What’s happened, happened. Neil was going to, will always, die for him. And Neil was always going to wander off and get himself drugged by an idealistic bunch of thieves.

They’re Yakuza. And after the guns, nothing more, nothing less. Still, Ives has them all rounded up and is on his way to question them. He’s lost patience with John already, but he’s waiting, stiff and at attention, anyway.

Then there’s Neil, opposite at every angle.

The medical team told John that Neil’s been injected with a benzodiazepine cocktail, but John thinks Neil looks half-okay, considering the circumstances. He’s sitting in the corner of the room, wearing a light blue button-down, open a bit at the chest with the sleeves rolled up, and light gray pants. No shoes. One gray sock. His bare skin shines with sweat. There’s red high on his cheekbones and an uncharacteristic glassiness to his eyes. His head lolls as he tries to listen to John and Ives’ argument.

“I found them, y’know,” Neil interrupts. “Before I… Iv…” He gestures to his commanding officer. “He did. I wanna… wanted you to… know…” He trails over, looking confused. “Who put me on the floor?”

“Tell ya what, we’ll flip a coin,” Ives says. “For him or the Yakuza.”

John sighs. “That’s not really your call. I’ll take care of him. You’re dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.”

Then, John and Neil are alone together. John feels it in his blood, like a cord tied around his veins. It tugs at his heart until he can’t breathe. He thinks of the freeport, and inhales sharply.

“There you go, hiding things again,” Neil says. With his inhibitions gone, his accent is a little less refined. Posh but kind of sloppy, like how he dresses.

“I’m not hiding anything. Don’t get up.”

Although he’s tried several times by now, Neil never made it off the floor. Instead he’s now fully on his back, hair askew, shirt completely open. The fabric hangs by his sides and his hands slide from his ribs to that soft linen.

John envies those hands. He tells Neil, “You compromised the mission.”

“I saw something suspicious,” Neil protests, sputtering through the last difficult word. “I, I saved the mission.”

“You made a move on your own because you were trying to be a hero,” John hisses. “Look at yourself, Neil.”

John walks forward. He crouches, trying to meet Neil’s eyes. It’s difficult when they’re fluttering closed every second or so, but eventually John manages.

“How did a trained agent get jumped by a bunch of gangsters? Hm?” He doesn’t want to be cruel. He can’t favor Neil, though. Telling himself any other soldier would get the same treatment, John continues, “What if Wheeler didn’t find you?” Or.” John clears his throat, bombarded with memories of Stalsk-12.

Neil is beaming. His smile is beautiful, and it blindsides John like it always has.

“You were worried about me!” Neil yells. His joy ricochets around the room in cascades of laughter. “You care!”

John looks away. “You’re not sober enough to have this conversation.”

He attempts to stand, but suddenly there’s a palm pressing down on his knee. Reckless.

“Neil.”

“Wait.”

Against his better judgment, John does. He pushes Neil’s hand away, but he also sits on the floor next to Neil’s prone body. More than anything, he wants to draw Neil’s head into his lap. To brush that damp blond hair out of his face, check for a fever. To kiss it better.

John clasps his hands tightly in his lap. “Of course I care. Everyone on this team is vital to this operation.”

Neil shakes his head. After some flailing about, he manages to right himself, sitting with his legs crossed to match John. “No,” he says.

“No I don’t care? You just said I did, so make up your mind.”

“You… about me… differently,” Neil explains. “More…ly.”

“Wow.”

“S’not a word, is it?”

“No it is not. I’m not sure you’re capable of coherent sentences at the moment, actually.”

Despite the curt comment, Neil is looking at John with such adoration. Puppy love, that’s the term John’s heard. Utter devotion. As if John is Neil’s entire world. But when John insists that he’s leaving, Neil’s eyes brim with tears.

He lunges forward, wrapping his arms around John. Now he’s really putting some weight into it, holding John here. It’s John’s turn to be amused. Chuckling, he extracts himself—easily, with Neil’s drug-addled, pliable limbs and lean frame—enough to speak face-to-face.

“Let me go.”

“Okay,” Neil replies. Yet his grip doesn’t loosen.

“That’s an order, Neil.”

“Right.”

When John returns a few minutes later with food and water, Neil is slumped over on his side, asleep on the floor, an unhappy expression on his handsome face. John sets the plate and cup down on the nearest surface before walking gently over. He slides his hands underneath Neil’s knees and back, picks him up.

After putting Neil in the med room’s small bed—still on his side, facing the door like he’s always preferred to sleep—John pulls up a chair. He washes Neil’s face with a cool, damp cloth. He tends to the few cuts and scrapes Neil got fighting off his assailants. He brushes Neil’s hair, and buttons his shirt. Finally, John tucks a blanket around Neil’s shoulders.

“‘More-ly’ still isn’t a word,” John murmurs, thumb brushing Neil’s jaw, “but you’re right. I do.”

And then he leaves again, exactly the way he arrived: with a guilty conscience, carrying a love confession in his hands.

[waspenned]

Hi I know you’re not active anymore but in case you see this me and my friend read scenes from an Italian restaurant and it literally altered our brain chemistry. It’s THE best Peter Parker fic out there in our opinion. When we realized it wasn’t finished we were agonizing in pain bc the cliffhanger is killing us. WE LOVE YOUR WORK and would love to see u come to the fic someday. 🖤🩷

HEYYYYY IM ALIVE LOLL I just don’t use tumblr that much/don’t hyper fix on s-m/got suuuuper busy w uni SORRY

but the good news (or really the terrible news as I now have to get a J*b) is that my masters is basically finished save for my actual like. thesis. I have had diddly squat free time to BREATHE let alone write (I barely went to the club this year I’m only 22 I should be in the clubbbbb) but I promise I have written a GOOD CHUNK of ch10 of Italian resto. It’s in my notes app (lol) I just need to get thru a lot of the tricky bits because my GOD is there a lot to unpack.

Thank you all so much for reading and loving the fic. I had such a good time writing it, and I never thought I’d be able to write and post so much of a single continuous fic - and the feedback has been so lovely and sweet, I really wanted to make sure you all got the ending you deserve!!!

so it’s slow goings , but i promise it will come eventually!!!