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umblrspectrum · 1 month ago

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getting in that spooky spirit

#ive had this on my mind for a while #and what better time to make it reality than octobor first #these stupid little skeletons for things that Should Not Have Skeletons fascinate me so much #we need more of them and they should all be wildly incorrect #i was too lazy to draw n in the second panel hes just offscreen #swapped his hand for one with a tissue to wipe his tears away #like how beau did it #just pretend i drew that part the gags much funnier with that #as it turns out you can avoid the artstyle crisis by simply Not Caring. proving effective so far #art #murder drones #murder drones uzi #uzi doorman #accidentally put that as a tag on the last one without thinking about it and im keeping it #sorry tag haters jk no im not #murder drones n #serial designation n #theyre in like an abandoned mall or something i dunno figure it out

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adhdandcomics · 2 months ago

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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:

does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies

#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked #has been just so. mean about it #not even intentionally #not always at least #but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things #that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person #ever had #this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame #idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it #see it as a personal choice to be late #and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t #you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general #and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices #it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for #bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing #and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves #and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else #there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month

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anglerflsh · 7 months ago

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wow ive been kind of off lately I should take a day to rest an[explosion]

#[.art]#self #complaining tag #I'm good. I needed to draw about it but I'm good. it's fine. whatever #love it when I barely ask you for money to Live outside of gifts and 30 a month. and then you withold the gift SOMEONE ELSE GAVE ME #that's fine it's totally not as if I told you I need that money before. and you decided I was a bit too mean #about you compiling a document I Need To in order to keep the room and board in the place I am living in. by the way #she proceeded to change topic completely to the weather and forget about anything ive told her on the clothes I have here #or about the courses I follow. she takes notes for my sister's classes but cannot be bothered to remember i dont have exams in april #that's fineeee it's fine. it's fine. I know my sistser needs the help and I don't. I would rather die than ask for her help anyways #you can at least pretend to forget about both of us equally instead of telling me I should graduate in two years because im smart enough #which I am not. by the way. At least when I will fail at something I'll have the opportunity to tell her I told you so thank god #dont get me wrong i know her giving me compliments is a good thing I just sort of wish the were things actually about me #and not about the idea she has about me being some kind of prodigy that's simply too lazy to actually be exceptional. anyways

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flumpermergen · 6 months ago

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Very important very canonical list of what BSD characters would say “urm what the sigma” either ironically or unironically

Dazai and Ranpo both say it ironically often back and forth to each other or to confuse the rest of the agency. Dazai especially would say it after a ten minute lecture by Kunikida in which Kunikida would respond with another ten minutes of yelling at him for not taking anything seriously.

Yosano says it once or twice when the moment’s right mostly to tease Kunikida for taking it so literally but not nearly as often as the other two.

Kyouka and Kenji heard Ranpo and Dazai say it and started repeating it even though neither of them understand what it means but it sounds funny.

Lucy joins in with Dazai and Ranpo in saying it especially towards Atsushi who doesn’t get it but just awkwardly laughs it off cause he doesn’t know how else to respond.

Tachihara said it once with the black lizards and again with the hunting dogs and both times was met with confused silence. He was trying to get a laugh but ended up just feeling hella cringy and never said it again out of embarrassment.

Gin actually did giggle when Tachihara said it but no one heard it under her mask. Now she mumbles it under her breath occasionally and once said it in front of Akutagawa who was also very confused.

In another life I firmly believe that Q would be an IPad kid who laughs at skibidi toilet jokes. If he ever were to canonically gain internet access he would defo laugh at and use the phrase unironically.

Take one look at Kajii and try to tell me he doesn’t say the most cringy chronically online shit every time he opens his mouth.

Nikolai starts saying it all the time the minute he hears the phrase. Everyone else just assumes it’s something he made up to annoy Sigma so they don’t question it. Meanwhile Sigma himself is initially confused as to why Gogol keeps using his name in vain like someone would to god. He increasingly gets more and more annoyed at it because it’s very obvious Nikolai is only doing it to make him upset. Once Sigma is at peak annoyance, Gogol starts replacing the word sigma with other words that start with the letter S like scallop or something to subvert his expectations. This only makes Sigma more annoyed as it’s obviously just a replacement for his name and its meaning remains the same. Although Sigma acknowledges how silly getting all worked up over something stupid Nikolai did is, he still can’t help it. Gogol uses the excuse that he’s not saying his name anymore so he can’t get mad at him. Finally one day Nikolai airdrops Sigma multiple TikTok’s about “sigma males” causing Sigma to have an existential crisis over what his name means and the implications of being named after such a thing cause he would never treat women that way all while Nikolai laughs about it from afar.

Natsume because of the vibe and I think it would be really funny

Come back next week to learn which kids 2000’s/2010’s virtual world each bsd character played on obsessively and why.

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moth-spiderling · 3 months ago

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Things do get better.

Life can be cruel and unforgiving, like a writer killing off the most beloved characters and making everyone suffer through a lot. Yet every bad moment eventually shall pass.

We don't stop reading a book, just because the writer made things seem grim for a bit. We shouldn't stop living just because we're afraid it'll get worse.

Things can go badly, sure, but they can also turn out for the better. You can also survive.

Even giving up for a day, a month, a year, does not mean your life is not worth living.

It doesn't mean you're gonna be stuck here forever. It just means that for now, maybe for a long time now, things have been rough.

And you need a break, and a hug.

And someone to tell you, that you are very much loved, even if Life (as the most bitter and inspired writer) has decided to take it out on you.

You are loved, you're not weird, and you deserve good, beautiful, lovely things.

#Each thing my qpp (queer platonic partner) gifts me makes me feel happy so I put some of the gifts in the pictures #Many times I think I'm lazy and I'm starting to think maybe I'm just too sensitive and stuff #But that doesn't mean I'm not deserving of love :3 #That doesn't mean life won't get better as long as I keep trying #I'll have bad days and good days and that's fine #I think that's life #🎵🎶🎵That's life🎶#Anyway #Self indulgent writing :p #I have no idea what to tag this so it won't probably get seen lmao #Qpp<3 #Moodboard kinda?#Comfort Moodboard #Agere #Age regression #Yes that is a great horned owl with Miguel's mask design because #That one scene in which he turns his head in Hobie's direction HAHA #He's an owl <3 #Also y'all LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL EMBROIDERY MY WIFE MADE AAA #My qpp <3<3<3 #Karline i love you aaaaaaa #Feel like I should probably fangirl about my wife in another post and not in my vent comfort post but uh #Agere comfort Moodboard #Literal pastels #Oil pastels agere moodboard #Velha infancia #Tulip and zuche hehe #Bunny #Bunny plushy

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kaidanalenkosprmanager · 7 months ago

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THE BEST OF PRIORITY: SUR'KESH

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Urdnot Wrex With: Lt. Steve Cortez, Dr. Mordin Solus, Major Kirrahe, and Urdnot Bakara And a Special Guest Appearance by: Adm. Steven Hackett Alliance R&D has officially begun construction on the Prothean device. The team has dubbed it: "Project Crucible". We're throwing everybody who knows how to throw a hammer at it. This is gonna be the most ambitious undertaking in human history. I'm not saying it won't be a challenge- but we can do this, Shepard. You can do this. Never doubt that. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

+BONUS (the smirk™��)

#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #urdnot wrex #steve cortez #mordin solus #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #i feel like i probably should have split the actually sur'kesh set in half like i did with mars #but i got lazy after i split out the normandy summit gifs and i wanted to keep the rest of the mission together lol #wrex having small conversation moments with james and EDI was everything to me #bc with both of them it felt like wrex passing on some of his old kid on the block knowledge to the new kids on the block and i just 🥺#like i didn't get it in the gif but the second part of that convo with james he says something like #'you're one of shep's new recruits? hang on kid- it's a hell of a ride!' and when i tell you i SOBBED #like the entire first half of this playthrough is soph taking her newer squadmates out to help her build the army for the reaper war #so running into all these old friends/teammates and hearing them share their wisdom with james and EDI as new recruits is everything to me!#also EDI and james look very cute in their armor (ESPECIALLY EDI IN HER HUNTER HOOD I LOVE HER YOUR HONOR)#i'm just gonna say wrex's little tongue out at the salarians in the background of padok's gif sent me so hard i had to include it LMAO #and i'd write something about the mordin cameo but the mordin cameo on tuchanka is better so i'll save my thoughts for that one #ig thanks for being wrex's inside man mordin you were real for that one #the real salarian homie of this mission was kirrahe and i love him (he's my favorite and i adore him thank you for coming to my TEDtalk) :)#and i will also say that i adore bakara and she's the highlight of this mission for me bc of the lines but also like???#her grabbing the shotgun from wrex to take out the cerberus troops is everything and his expression afterwards is *chef's kiss*#and SOPH'S LITTLE SMIRK LMAOOOOOOO i had to include it bc i saw it in the back and it sent me to the next dimension lol #and since i just use the tags to share all my annoying little thoughts on a final note:#i included the elevator bomb scene bc in soph's canon she gets injured during it for the shenko angst pre-coup bc i'm an angsty bitch :)

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vincent-sinclair-deserved-better · 3 months ago

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hm

thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol

#cylas vents #negativity #negative #death wish #lmao #bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao #like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok #it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess #imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to #myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc #none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you #want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik #lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever #like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every #day etc but like #what else am i supposed to do #hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become #too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao #when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal #functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever #idk how to tag lmai #using stuff like #tw suicidality #tw suicidal #tw suicidal ideation #just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol

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iceeericeee · 1 year ago

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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

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spamtoon · 6 months ago

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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

#bright spark #<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky #the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE #SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you #to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this #is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay #nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are #honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang #spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main #cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her #own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally #i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel #like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything #with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite #finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives #happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared #to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that #respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a #method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy #excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going #sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay

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discountsoysauce · 8 months ago

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3 chapters of the death note AU planned out so far and we're only just seeing Victor. Oh boy.

#this is very Eli heavy #which makes sense considering hes the main character #eli and marcella interactions are my favorite actually #vicious death note au #if you haven't seen my other posts #Eli as Light Yagami #Marcella as Ryuk #Victor as L #Serena as Misa Misa #Stell as Chief Yagami #too lazy to tag the rest you get the idea #this is gonna be a long one #trying to strike balance between keeping it close to the plot of death note without rewriting the whole thing word for word #vicious ve schwab #vengeful ve schwab #victor vale #eli ever #eli cardale #marcella vengeful #villains series #evervale #if you squint #still not sure how much evervale i want to add here #it will be present somewhere but its yet to be determined how much of it there will be #i should go to bed now #eepy #gn vicious and death note fandom #perhaps there will be more in the morning

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0sbrain · 1 year ago

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glados during the first act of portal 2 after getting resurrected

i FEEL like some of glados characterization is lost when the jokes about her circle around fitting the "dommy step on me sexy + intelligent + evil/cruel" archetype not like she isnt evil or intelligent or sexy but i do think i greatly enjoy her character more when i get to remember she is a little silly. she is mean and cruel by making up the most elaborate and stupid sounding insults ever. she has an extreme grudge against you which she insists shes not mad about while mentioning the fact every two minutes. shes madly obsessed with a woman who never responded to a word shes ever said. most of the shit she says is just straight up ridiculous. shes constantly battling intense feelings of loneliness while refusing to admit to anyone she could ever want company or affection. she is described by the creators as "throwing fits like an angry child". glados IS a little bit pathetic and silly and a very funny and very sad character. shes a woman of multitudes

#not necessarily because shipping reasons but because of the attitude #she's terribly mad you came back #it was already bad for here to be defeated so seeing you again just makes her terribly bitter #i was hearing the developer commentary of portal 2 and their interpretation as to why chell doesn't talk is because she is also terribly ma #and doesn't want to give a single inch of attention to the aperture science AIs #so glados poking and jabbing at her is even more pathetic #that's the reason why wheatly questions your silence at the start of the game he doesn't understand that chell doesn't care #but glados does and it's driving her insane #she is supposed to be in control she has the power but chell still manages to keep some control over her #i am now sad i made that meme and started the analysis in the tags :( it should be its own post #but i am lazy and have no self control sorry #if they get peer reviewed i may expand on it

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xcziel · 12 days ago

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.

#do you ever get the feeling you are influencing people but like in subtext somehow?#like this is the second time just this year where like #i have been ranting and rambling about something in the tags of related posts on here #only to like a few days or weeks later start seeing posts with my 'talking points' show up on my dash #but like filtered from other parts of the internet where i don't go?#and involving such disparate topics and contexts to where i'm like: am i just somehow aggregating #the general direction things are going out if random tumblr posts and thin air via idk intuition?#because i swear these are not points i'd seen put forward elsewhere that i brought up as tags #this was stuff i was feeling ranty about and wanted to get off my chest #one was fandom related: i started yelling about getting jimin on the radio back in the spring #then his slbum hits and while the song releasing to radio only makes sense actually #the fandom push for it and the sudden renewed interest in guiding fans to request and push for radio play were ?????#and then this thing with the campaign about it's okay to lie about your vote #like that stuff obviously has to have been in the works for a while to get made and released #but i hadn't seen anything at all about it before a week or so ago and the tag rant on a random political post about #how people who say they're not voting for a reason are the same as people who don't vote out of laziness or not caring #which devolved into a ramble about just vote and say you didn't then if all that matters to you is performative image #because no one is going to see your vote no one will know how you voted #you can just lie #and now i keep seeing post after post about the campaign embracing this concept #and the outrage about *that* and it HAS to be confirmation bias but it really feels #like i whispered my tags into the ear of some staffer and they said yeah that's a good point #we should remind people they can vote however they really feel and then just say whatever #they think mskes them look good or will keep them safe because in the end only the vote matters #at the end of the day #weird weird feeling but probably just somehow sensing some ways the wind is about to change right?#the pricking of the thumbs #man anonymity really is a concept thst people are increasingly unfamiliar with if we have reassure people like this huh

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ooglywooglies · 3 months ago

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obviously gifted kid discourse is stupid and endless and people use it to humble brag (ugh the PRESSURE ugh the EXPECTATIONS, shut up man school burnt everyone out youre not special) and bc ive been seeing different kinds of discourse in my fyp i saw that some people think "gifted" means being like an honor student or taking AP classes in high school whereas like in my experience they make you take a literal IQ test in like 3rd grade and then you go play snapdragon and legos in another room for an hour (our program was called GATE)

#disclaimer im not actually that invested in this topic i dont really have any interest in having a discussion about it #im simply saying 1 thing on my blog #anyway IQ is not technically fake but it is basically pointless #if its not heavily based in eugenics it is definitely heavily used to promote eugenics and you should keep that in mind whenever you feel #the need to qualify your perspective on this topic with whether you yourself are a “gifted kid” like if you wanna have the compassionate #take leave that shit out and ask yourself why you feel the need to elevate your intelligence above other peoples #why do i always put the better half of the post in the tags #im too lazy to move it now #gate

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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months ago

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#i dont know how to tag it and alas i dont really care enough #i was going to draw something but i am a sloth. a lazy brain-rotting tree-dwelling mammal #but i am really really cute so please let it slide #everyone around me keep saying i should try to work as a florist because of my interest in flowers that suddenly appeared half a year ago #honestly speaking i hated flowers for as long as i have existed before that. they were making me depressed #the whole idea of something cute in your hands that is destined to become a withered rotting thing overnight is nothing but depressing #that i was thinking before i learned how to properly take care of cut flowers. now i can make them stay for a bit longer. like a week or so #it is still sad nevertheless. but I guess my perspective on things has changed as well. i am not talking about flowers #more like about life and death #but its too philosophical for a silly gigantic post in my silly little blog so im not going to talk about it #i like to dry flowers. dunno if I do it properly tho #a few days ago i watched kusuriya no hitorigoto in which characters are compared to flowers! there is a dried flower as well #the dried rose there was described as “still beautiful despite the time and harshness it went through”#but the character the rose was alluding to was merely a walking brainless corpse #and in the context it really made sense. these two contradicting facts in actuality create the complete picture of the character #while binging the series i couldnt help but wonder what flower i feel the most relation to #to no avail #someone has gifted me a rose plant approximately a month ago. you can see it on the photo above #but the thing is. i absolutely suck at taking care of living beings. my experience says exactly that. i also hate dirt #i was so perplexed and afraid of causing harm to the plant I completely abandoned it for quite some time #while thinking about it 24/7. reminded me of the time i still had the executive dysfunction #eventually i had to chop off all the leaves and buds leaving only stems with thorns be to keep the plant alive #it was actually my mother who gave it to me. so it is very precious and i really dont want it to die. but my actions somehow say otherwise #anyway. i came up with the idea that i am not a flower but a budless stem with really sharp thorns on it!#i dont really have enough space for the explanation so its up to you to interpret

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atomicsuperrobot · 5 months ago

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For anybody wondering if I ever get tired of being bitter and angry all the time: yeah, actually! It's pretty damn exhausting, in fact, on top of everything else in my life that's exhausting- which, shocker!! Is Everything!!!

But at the same time, I cannot seem to stop being so miserable all the time. I'm kind of stuck, you see; living in a fairly bad situation and being unable to do anything about it, bc the reason the situation is so bad in the first place is a lack of finances- finances that I cannot actually obtain in any fashion, but would need in order to be able to obtain. One of Those sorts of situations, yes? The problem sort of feeds into itself.

Not to mention I have a habit of neglecting myself, bc for some reason doing even the slightest bit of self-maintenance is very hard for me. I don't understand why, and am quite weary of this situation by now...

But, I've also always kind of been a brat, and constant unfettered access to the internet has not helped this problem. But I do not have anything better to do, quite literally; and it is because of the lack of finances situation that I just mentioned. I would love to be able to do more, but going out and doing things, aside from being quite dangerous in this day and age due to the literal fucking plague, takes quite a lot of money- money that I've never had, and likely never will have. Even acquiring materials for hobbies is extremely expensive; not to mention there's a space issue in my current home, which I've been stuck in for the past 25+ years.

So yeah, aside from my own failings in personality, I've got several contributing factors that are decidedly Not Helping, At All. Not that it excuses my actions; but I do go out of my way to mostly try to keep my complaining to myself. It's just that people find my complaining, and then see fit to complain to me about my complaining, no matter how valid my complaints might be in the moment (which plenty of them are, tho certainly not all of them). Someone once even got mad at me for complaining on my own blog, and complained to me about it. On anon. Real upstanding citizen, right there. Pretty sure I just blocked that one outright, like I wish I had with the fuckin pr0sh1pper that found me bc I made the monumentally stupid mistake of posting a complaint about people like them in the related fandom tag. They also somehow also thought it was about them specifically, tho idek who tf they were bc they were on anon, and I had apparently probably already blocked them from my main (Tumblr please add cross-blog/account-bound blocking features I beg of you). Vain-ass mfer. I should have blocked them off the bat, rather than trying to explain to them that they were Wrong, Actually, About Everything, bc it never works with those people, anyways. Eugh. Anyways. Lost the plot a bit, there...

#Old Goat Yells At Cloud™#for the record I tend to tag things for organizational reasons; which means shit winding up in the tags that I don't necessarily-#WANT to be visible to people who aren't following me. but I'm too lazy to come up with blog-specific tags; anyways...#also apparently posts that mention something even if it's not directly tagged as such will still show up in tag searches for that thing #which is STUPID bc it means I can't fucking talk about ANYTHING without Joe fuckin Blow blustering into my inbox like HOW FUCKIN DARE U #I think that that's only a problem if you don't use classic search; u know; like a civilized person? idk why they ever changed it tbh #it's impossible to find anything the way they've got it now...#plus again u shouldn't be able to find smth that wasn't specifically tagged with as such. anyways.#blah blah blah I'm a huge fucking bitch whose got plenty of valid reasons but should probably try to cut back on being a bitch all the same #tho if it's complaining on My Own Block that even has a bitching-related tag specifically to block out the bitching; then I don't see what-#the huge fuckin problem is. complaining is good for you; it keeps you from exploding; or doing smth stupid like yelling at people directly

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floral-hex · 6 months ago

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So this is my thing now, I’m afraid to go to sleep. This is kinda bullshit, brain.

#I feel like I’m going to die when I fall asleep #see… I’m afraid you think I just mean I’m scared of death #no no no. no. I feel like I’m suffocating. I have to force myself to breathe. my body tingles (in a bad way). I get really overheated.#I get dizzy and feel like I’m going to pass out from lack of air. I feel sick.#I haven’t slept much lately.#I’m miserable alllll the time. I can maybe force sleep with super exhaustion but I’m drained no matter what #this isn’t the first time it’s happened but this is the longest it’s gone on #from that my anxiety is now blanketing everything bc I’m so tired and scared about not getting to sleep #sickening anxiety. I feel like puking or passing out. and I got hit with some heavy (but thankfully short) virtigo yesterday #terrible terrible terrible #and seriously. anxiety. so bad. I’m constantly trying to get high right now to fight it but it’s rough #getting high is starting to make me feel sick too. and my tolerance is building. it’s like… it’s all bad. all options.#I hate this.#AND it’s the weekend and my new primary can’t see me until Wednesday and then I’ve got to beg for… I dunno… the good stuff #god. I told myself I’d go see my doctor about this a couple of weeks ago when this last hit and I didn’t 😓#ideal scenario: all doctors fall in love with me and medically induce a short coma for me to catch up on sleep and then they give me drugs #this new doctor doesn’t know me! I haven’t laid enough groundwork! how am I supposed to beg for klonopin if we have no banter!?#that wasn’t a joke. I mean it was but it’s also serious. I need some GOOD anti-anxieties and he doesn’t know me enough to know I NEEDS IT😬#also my tinnitus is just… no sleep + stress means it gets stronger and it’s… a fucking wet willy shoved through my ear into my skull #and if I hit a bad patch of virtigo… I will… redacted.#I won’t! I will go running crying and screaming in the street before I off myself.#HEY! my insurance says I can get 30 days in-patient and I always keep that thought in my bad pocket.#*back pocket. I’m not about to go back and start redoing tags because of a few misspellings #this is so rambly #my brain is fried! I’m tired! my appetite is fucked! I don’t want to do ANYTHING!#I mean… I never want to do anything. I love being lazy. I should say that right now I CAN’T do anything. but I can. but it’s… a lot. fuck 😔#this must sound so whiny. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll be making more posts like this until this goes away #you can ignore this #text

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