#should i be worried like i don't think i've ever dreamed about any of my faves dying before LMAO.

[wilhelminyard]

compilation of nice/sweet things the foxes said to neil because even though they're a bunch of assholes who insult anyone in their vicinity they all just love him so damn much - except aaron - (part 3) :

ANDREW :

"I said I would keep you alive this year. you make it infinitely more difficult for me when you actively try to get yourself killed."

"the next time someone comes from you, stand down and let me deal with it. do you understand?"

"you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs" "I'm not a hallucination" "you are a pipe dream."

"what would you give me?" "don't ask questions you already know the answer to"

"this isn't yes. this is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don't. I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be."

"I've never understood why he likes knives" "he will lose his taste when he has one in his gut"

"kevin is a fool whose style is numbers and angles. formulas and statistics, trial and error, repetition and insanity. all he cares about is finding the perfect game. a junkie like you can't be that cold."

"last summer you made me a promise. I'm asking you to break it." "no." "you said you'd stick with me if I kept kevin south, but kevin doesn't need me anymore. he chose us over the ravens because as a whole we're finally worth his time. there's nothing else I can give you in exchange for your protection." "I will think of something."

"spring break's coming. we could go someplace" "where and why?" "anywhere. anywhere at least three hours from campus. there's no point in going someplace closer than that. it won't feel like a vacation. the only trick is figuring out how to pry kevin away from the court" "I have knives"

"no one's said a word to them since they said we couldn't see you"

"if you tell me to leave I'll go" "you aren't going anywhere"

"I have to go. I don't trust them to give you back."

"ready?" "waiting on you"

"can I really be neil again?" "I told neil to stay. leave nathaniel buried in baltimore with his father."

"andrew could break our deal and let me go or break things off with neil" "he chose neil over you?"

"your close calls are getting old. I thought you knew how to run" "I thought you told me to stop running" "survival tip: no one likes a smart mouth" "except you"

WYMACK :

"I can't believe you trusted david to patch you up" "I was careful with him"

"you're a hundred times better now than you were in may. don't sell yourself short."

"go easy for a few days, would you?"

"are you okay?"

"neil asked us to leave the authorities out of this. I respect him enough to allow that"

"didn't I tell you not to worry about it?"

"I'm making you vice-captain next year"

"didn't you notice? they're uniting around and behind you. that's something special. you're something special."

"look me in the eye and tell me if you think I care who you used to be. hm? I care about who you are right now and who you can be going forward. I'm not asking you to forget your past, but I am telling you to overcome it."

"neil. talk to me. what do you want?"

"giving up on neil now goes against everything we are."

"I'm sorry. I should've told you but I couldn't" "don't worry about that right now."

"we'll wait for you, all right? as long as it takes, neil"

"I should be thanking you. you told us last night you intended to end the year dead or in federal custody. you could have shut everyone and everything out and worried about yourself this year. instead you agreed to help dan fix this team. you're saving the two I thought we couldn't reach, and you're a living example for kevin to follow. he never used to watch you but he's had eyes on you since december trying to figure out how you stand your ground."

"they told me to call them as soon as you returned. have you returned?"

"neil is a critical member of my team. you can ask any person on my line-up and they will all agree : we would not be where we are today if he wasn't here with us."

MATT :

"I want to break his face in six places. if he ever comes within a thousand yards of you again-"

"you okay?" "I'm fine" "for the record, I don't believe you"

"neil? we're here when you want to talk about it"

"neil? you good?"

"we're all legal adults here. we've made our decision. unless he wants to stay with you, you'd better bring neil back to us when you're done with all your questions

"hey, coach made us promise to leave you alone but are you okay?"

"they will get rid of me" "you're not serious"

"things could have gone much worse. I'm glad they didn't. you want anything, you need anything, you let us know. okay?" "okay" "I mean it" "I know. I'm done lying to you, matt. I promise."

"did andrew really choke kevin?" "took three of us to pull him off"

"we can't replace you"

DAN :

"neil? if you want to talk about any of it, or anything, or... you know we're here for you, right? whatever you need."

"kevin knew about this didn't he? he knew what riko was going to do to you and he let you go anyway. the next time I see him-"

"don't do this to us. don't sit here and lie to our faces. we're your friends. we deserve better than that."

"you told the truth. it's not your fault they don't like it."

"are you sure you're okay, neil?"

"go. but come back to us as soon as they're done with you, okay? we'll figure this out as a team."

"you're not playing. you think coach will let you on the court when you look like that? I'll sub in for you, neil. renee can help allison out one more time, right? trust us to hold the line. you focus on healing so we can use you in semifinals."

KEVIN :

"kevin called me yesterday morning when he couldn't get a hold of you. he wanted to make sure you were okay."

NICKY :

"don't you dare tell me you're fine. I can't hear that from you today, okay?"

"you can't have neil. he belongs with us"

"neil isn't a real person. it's just a cover that let nathaniel evade authorities. it's past time to let him go." "neil or nathaniel or whoever. he's ours, and we're not letting him go. you want us to vote on it or something? bet you it'll be unanimous."

"don't worry. andrew will protect you."

"hey, you good?"

ALLISON :

"it would have neen better if you'd come to the store with us. it doesn't matter. I bought out the entire row."

"I'm sorry" "shut up. no you're not. you're not. have you forgotten who has to paint you back together every morning? if you'd let them steamroll you yesterday after all this I would hate you"

"it is not safe for [neil] here anymore and it sure as hell isn't safe for you. it is better for everyone if he disappears." "what part of 'go to hell' do you need us to explain to you?"

RENEE :

"so those knives he brings everywhere are yours?" "were mine. he was right; I don't need them anymore. if you need them, he will give them to you, and I will teach you how to use them"

"if you want to talk more later, you know where to find me"

"will you be all right here?"

"kevin is very analytical whereas you're passionate."

"what do you need from us, neil?"

"I can do it." "I know you can. but perhaps it's easier if someone helps you."

ABBY :

"sometimes I think this job is going to kill me. seeing what people have done, what people continue to do, to my foxes. I wish I could protect you but I'm always too late. all I can do is patch you up afterward and hope for the best. I'm sorry, neil. we should have been there for you"

"let me take a look at you"

"it's over. it's over. you're going to be okay. we've got you."

"I dropped my gear in new york" "andrew found it while he was looking for you"

[anomura]

speaking of callum not to be bleak but i had a dream he died and i was so devastated 😭😭😭 please

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝟐 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  dialogue prompts taken from the silent hill 2 remake, developed by bloober team. trigger warning for dark themes. feel free to change as you seem fit. )

❛ in my restless dreams, i see that town. ❜

❛ hey, it's okay. i didn't mean to scare you. ❜

❛ i'm kind of lost. ❜

❛ i guess i don't really care if it's dangerous or not. i'm going either way. ❜

❛ what happened to this town? ❜

❛ whatever it is, it's not human. ❜

❛ i didn't do anything! he was like that when i got here. ❜

❛ you wanna come with? maybe together we can find a way out of this town. ❜

❛ sorry, but i can't leave. not yet. ❜

❛ are you afraid? ❜

❛ did you find the person that you were looking for? ❜

❛ don't worry, i'm not crazy. least, i don't think so. ❜

❛ should i go with you? this town really is dangerous. ❜

❛ what's a big dumb-dumb like you doing here anyway? ❜

❛ hey, that's not very nice. didn't your parents teach you any manners? ❜

❛ do i look like your girlfriend? ❜

❛ i can't believe it. your face, your voice... you could be— ❜

❛ i don't look like a ghost, do i? see? warm. ❜

❛ i can show you if you want. unless you have somewhere else to be? something else to do? ❜

❛ hey, easy there. i'm just messing with you. ❜

❛ you're coming with me? can't you just tell me where it is? ❜

❛ what, you were just gonna leave me here? alone? with all these monsters around? ❜

❛ is it because i remind you of... her? ❜

❛ this place we're going to, what is it, exactly? ❜

❛ you ever stay in a place like this? the walls are so thin you can hear everything. love, hate, jealousy... ❜

❛ i think you just saved my life back there. ❜

❛ hey. you think i'd look good in this one? ❜

❛ this room... there's something wrong with it. i think we should leave. ❜

❛ oh, loosen up. it sure beats running around with those monsters out there. ❜

❛ what will you tell her if... when you find her? ❜

❛ oh, c'mon. don't give me that look. i was just kidding. ❜

❛ can we stay? just for a little while? ❜

❛ this place, this whole thing, it's like a nightmare. i just wanted to get away from it, even for a second. ❜

❛ here. something to take the edge off. ❜

❛ we should probably get going. ❜

❛ we could come back later, if you want. you know, in case we need a break. ❜

❛ i wanted to ask you... what if you can't find [ name ]? what will you do? ❜

❛ thanks for checking up on me. it's very sweet of you. ❜

❛ how do you know my name? ❜

❛ i'm sorry, but i can't let you just run around this place. you might get hurt. ❜

❛ please open the door. there's something in here. ❜

❛ i was almost killed back there! i've never been so scared in my whole life! ❜

❛ all you care about is that dead wife of yours. ❜

❛ you couldn't care less about me, could you? ❜

❛ stay with me. don't leave me alone again. you're supposed to take care of me. ❜

❛ i don't know, for some reason i feel like it's up to me to protect her. ❜

❛ well, whaddaya know... a stroll in the rain. how romantic. ❜

❛ i'm trying to keep things light. just humor me, okay? ❜

❛ you think you could give me a hand? ❜

❛ you're supposed to be the big man around here. how's a little girl like me supposed to help? ❜

❛ what's wrong? i thought you wanted to get out of here. ❜

❛ this place is different from what i remember. i guess... things never really stay the same, do they? ❜

❛ you... still don't want me to go with you? if we stick together, we just might make it out of here. ❜

❛ ain't no big deal. just put the gun to their head and... pow! ❜

❛ you can't just kill someone 'cause of the way they looked at you. ❜

❛ please. i'll be good. i promise. ❜

❛ it's always the same with you. you're only after one thing. ❜

❛ i don't know who you think i am, but i don't want to hurt you. ❜

❛ i thought that thing killed you...! are you hurt? ❜

❛ but that thing... it stabbed you. there was blood everywhere. ❜

❛ stabbed me? what do you mean? ❜

❛ honey... did something happen to you? ❜

❛ are you confusing me with someone else? ❜

❛ you said you took everything. but you forgot the videotape we made. ❜

❛ it doesn't matter who i am. i'm here for you. ❜

❛ see? i'm real. ❜

❛ don't you want to touch me? ❜

❛ i'll come back, i promise. ❜

❛ how many times do i have to kill you? ❜

❛ it doesn't matter if you're smart, dumb, ugly, pretty... it's all the same once you're dead! ❜

❛ you wanna talk down to me some more? tell me to relax? ❜

❛ you know i'll find you! ❜

❛ guess i deserved it, huh? the fartface that i am. ❜

❛ you got any other things planned? i think i saw a dark room back there you could lock me up in. ❜

❛ where are you? i'm waiting for you. please, come to me. ❜

❛ i think you were right. what we're looking for... it's not here. ❜

❛ thank you for helping me earlier... but i wish you hadn't. ❜

❛ i know what you are. i know why i needed you. but it's all over now. i don't need you anymore. ❜

❛ it'd be easier if they just killed me. ❜

❛ why are you still here? i told you to go. ❜

❛ wait! please don't go. don't leave me alone. i didn't mean what i said. ❜

❛ please... tell me i'll be okay. ❜

❛ i'm here for you. so what if i'm not her? ❜

❛ i can give you what she never could. i can be better than her. ❜

❛ what else do you want me to be? ❜

❛ i won't let you do this to me. i won't let you go. ❜

❛ the truth is, i hated you. ❜

❛ i wanted my life back. ❜

❛ i tried. i really did. but... i just... can't go on without you. ❜

❛ i can't forgive myself for what i've done. ❜

❛ i want you to go on. i want you to live. for yourself and for others. ❜

❛ you made me happy. ❜

[gwendolynnderolo]

critical role ships as hozier songs

vax / keyleth : francesca

percy / vex : work song

pike / scanlan : foreigner's god

fjord / jester : nobody

beau / yasha : as it was

caleb / essek : from eden

imogen / laudna : NFWMB

orym / dorian : like real people do

ashton / fearne : dinner & diatribes

specific lyrics that i feel like represent the pairings under the cut!

vax / keyleth : francesca

how could you think, darling, i'd scare so easily?

my life was a storm, since i was born, how could i fear any hurricane?

if i could hold you for a minute, darling, i'd go through it again

it was too soon, when that part of you was ripped away

i would not change it each time, heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i

percy / vex : work song

when my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body down, i'll crawl home to her

and i was burning up a fever, i didn't care much how long i lived

but i swear, i thought i dreamed her, she never asked me once about the wrong i did

if the lord don't forgive me, i'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

in the low lamplight, i was free, heaven and hell were words to me

pike / scanlan : foreigner's god

she moved with shameless wonder, the perfect creature rarely seen

her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me

wondering who i copy, mustering some tender charm

breaking if i try conveying, the broken love i make to her

fjord / jester : nobody

i'd be appalled if i saw you ever try to be a saint, i wouldn't fall for someone i thought couldn't misbehave

but i've had no love like your love from nobody

if i had the choice between hearing either noise, the excitement of a thousand, or the soothing of your voice

and on the other side, why should we deny the truth? we could have less to worry about, honey, i won't lie to you

beau / yasha : as it was

and in a few days i will be there, love, whatever here that's left of me is yours, just as it was

the lights were as bright as my baby, but your love was unmoved

tell me if, somehow, some of it remains, how long you would wait for me and how long i've been away

the shape that i'm in now, your shape in the doorway, make your good love known to me or just tell me about your day

and the nights were as dark as my baby, and half as beautiful too

caleb / essek : from eden

there's something tragic about you, something so magic about you, don't you agree?

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me, i should know

there's something broken about this, but i might be hoping about this

a rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree

imogen / laudna : NFWMB

give your heart and soul to charity, cause the rest of you, the best of you, honey, belongs to me

ain't it a gentle sound, the rolling in the graves?

if i was born as a blackthorn tree, i'd wanna be felled by you, held by you, fuel the pyre of your enemies

ain't it the life of you, your lightning of the blaze?

orym / dorian : like real people do

i will not ask you where you came from, i will not ask and neither should you

i know that look, dear, eyes always seeking, was there in someone that dug long ago

honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do

ashton / fearne : dinner & diatribes

i knew well from our first hookup, the look of mischief in your eyes

your friends are a fate that befell me, hell is the talking type, i'd suffer hell if you'd tell me what you'd do to me tonight

honey, i laugh when it sinks in, a pillar i am, upright

now that the evening is slowing, now that the end's in sight, honey, it's easier knowing what you'd do to me tonight

oh, let there be hotel complaints and grievances raised and that kind of love

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (III)

alexia putellas x sister

chapter I, II

edited this in 25 minutes and now I am going to bed... but alexia debut in here today :)

~~~~~~

I sat in the back of the car as Ingrid drove Mapi and me to Johan the next morning. The car was silent, my eyes focussed out the window, hyperaware of the glances that both defenders threw back at me every so often.

Mapi is worried about me. That much I can tell, but I don't know why Ingrid, who I've barely spoken to, seems to think the world is coming to an end. She was in the room this morning when Mapi told me that Mami had called to say that she would see me there. I don't think the tension in the room was hard for the Norwegian to identify. Or it could have been Mapi's wide eyes staring at me that made her think something was wrong. 

Alba is also coming to watch this game even though I told her I wouldn't be playing.

"you are part of the first team for the first time ever, hermanita! It is exciting just to watch you warm up."

I had rolled my eyes as she pulled me into a hug that day, but I appreciated it either way.

Ingrid led me to the changing rooms as Mapi made her way into the stands with some of the other injured players. My locker is beside Aitana's and she beams up at me when she spots me. I thank Ingrid quickly and make my over to Aitana and into her open arms.

"You ready?"

I nod, a smile on my face. For the first time in a long time, I do not think about my sister or what she would say, what her opinion would be. It is hard to grasp the idea that my dreams are maybe becoming a reality. 

E. Putellas 29

It is a dream that I have had for a long time, to have my name on a blaugrana shirt, to be in this very position. It is something I have wanted since I could kick a ball, since I watched my sister do the same thing all those years ago.

They had asked me what name I wanted on the back of my jersey. Because Alexia just had her first name, I could take the last name without the E but Mami said to keep the E. I think she wanted me to just use my first name as well but that is for Alexia. I am only new to this, I thought.

I will not play today, Jonatan told me, but he said he wants me to be a sub in a game with lower pressure after I've spent a few games on the bench and trained with the team for more than a week.

Despite this, Mami and Alba are sat in the audience, between a bunch of relatives and family friends.

A red flush creeps onto my cheeks as I hear them all cheering when I run out of the tunnel to start the warm up. Aitana's arm is around my shoulders and she gives me an extra tight squeeze before winking at me and releasing me from her hold.

I know I will be sitting on the bench for the whole game but just warming up with the team is exciting. The cheering from the audience during the warm up is ten times louder than any crowd I've played in front of, even in the most stressful part of a match.

I try to shrug off the goosebumps that creep over my arms as I take in my surroundings. It is surreal and I think I am in a state of disbelief when Patri approaches me.

"You ok, pequena?"

"I'm good." I look at her as she places a hand on my shoulder. "This is just big."

"I get it. You are very young. You should be very proud of yourself, Elena. You a right, this is a big thing. A huge thing. We are all very proud, remember that."

She squeezes my shoulder before letting go.

"Now get to warming up, stop drifting off with the fairies!"

~~~~~~

It only took Barcelona 5 minutes to establish their dominance through an early Salma goal and by half time they were already up by 4 to 0.

The second half started and by the end of the match we were up by 8 with a decent scoreline of 9-1. Patri pulled me off the bench to go on the rounds to all the opposition and the fans. I have seen this happen so many times that it still feels surreal to be experiencing it.

"Where is your sister?"

Patri's whisper is meant to be harmless but her words are like ice water down my back and my stomach flips inside out. She continues when I shrug my shoulders.

"I saw her earlier with Olga, she's probably sat with the other injured girls."

At the mention of the girlfriend I have not met, I resist the urge to throw up, saying goodbye to Patri and heading over to where my family was in the stands.

My whole family tells me how proud they are and I think Mami takes about a thousand pictures of me and Alba and gets Alba to take some of me and her as well. I am grateful that she ignores Alexia's absence but that does not mean any of us are happy about it.

Mami is frustrated, angry maybe and that is evident in the way she scans the stadium every few minutes and shakes her head or releases disappointed sighs every once in a while.

Alba is sad and it is obvious because she makes no effort to hide the tears that brim in her eyes behind her smile. She tells me it is proud but I know when she looks longingly over to where Alexia should be standing beside me that she is just as upset as I am.

I am offended but I do my best to hide my emotions. I try to be as happy as I can because I am somewhat exhilarated from the experience despite sitting on the bench for the full 90 minutes.

Keira and Ona were being rested for the whole match and it turns out that Keira is hilarious and Ona can provide the best commentary on any match. They are a good pairing and I enjoyed making fun of Keira as she struggled to keep up with our (very slow) Spanish.

I am definitely looking forward to playing at some point. The thought makes me so incredibly nervous but I don't think there will be a better feeling than finally stepping out onto that field with my name on my back and representing my childhood club.

Mami holds me in her arms after she's satisfied with the pictures and I feel a tear drop onto my head.

"I am so proud of you, nina, you have made me proud from the day you were born and you will continue forever. This is just the start of everything. Papi is looking down on us right now with pride too, he's telling all his friends that you are his baby bear and that he taught you everything you know."

I sniffle in her arms.

"Thank you for everything you have done for me Mami, I would be nothing if not for you."

"Oh, hija, I love you."

"I love you too."

Alba throws herself into the hug and proclaims it is now a group hug. Mami chuckles and extends one of her arms around her.

"Mi hermanita is all grown up!" Alba cheers quietly so only me and Mami can hear. "15 years old and in the first team, a record?"

"Only a record when I leave the bench, Alba." I whack the back of her head with my hand and she recoils from the hug in mock annoyance.

"I should go, Mami, I'll meet you out the front?"

She nods and I kiss her cheek before wandering back to the changing rooms.

I am surprised when they are empty but the sound of the showers tells me that I will not be alone for long.

It is supposed to be a happy feeling, but I can not help but feel alone in this room, full of the belongings of people who are older than me, more experienced, skilled. People who know my sister better than I do.

People who will always look up to La Reina. Who will always hang off her every word.

I wish that was me still because if it was, I would not be alone in this locker room right now, I would be celebrating with my sister.

But she is nowhere to be found.

She didn't even say hello to me, she didn't say congratulations, she didn't even acknowledge my existence. It hurts me more than I care to admit, but maybe that is what she meant when she said I was weak.

I wipe the tears out of my eyes before they spill and it is good timing because a whole group of girls walk into the locker room at the same time that Ingrid and Frido return from their showers.

"Our pequena!" Marta cheers when she sees me in my cubby and paces over to pick me up. "You are one of us now, welcome to Barca!"

Everyone cheers and a big smile takes over my face as I am thrown amongst the group of people, being hugged and patted on the back, loud yells in Spanish bouncing round the room.

Aitana holds me for longer than everyone else and whispers her congratulations in my ear.

"You need a lift home today?"

I shake my head and smile.

"Mami and Alba are taking me out to dinner."

Aitana nods and begins talking about how exciting it is that I have finally been introduced to the first team and how I have grown up and I zone out and scan the room.

The loud chatter is a far cry from the near silence that engulfed the room five minutes ago.

I spot Mapi in the corner of the room speaking animatedly to Ingrid.

Frido is also there, laughing with Caro and Marta

Jana is beside Bruna, a giddy smile on her face as they chat to Esmee.

That can only mean one thing, Alexia is somewhere in here but I do not want to speak to her. I do not want to see her and I do not want her to see me. I excuse myself from Aitana to quickly grab my change of clothes and I go over to the showers, spending the longest possible time rinsing myself and washing my hair and an even longer time drying myself and getting changed.

I spend a humiliating amount of time in the stall but I do not hear anyone else come into the bathroom so I don't really think anyone had noticed.

If I had known what was been waiting for me when I opened the door of my stall I probably wouldn't have opened it.

Because the bleached blonde hair was the first thing I clocked, but her confidence oozed out of her as she leant against the wall, her arms crossed, her head resting against the blue paint like she was bored.

I don't say anything when I see her, trying my luck by just walking straight past her but her hand reaches out and stops me from leaving.

"No, Elena, don't run away from me."

"What do you want from me, Alexia?"

She let out an exhale and her features softened slightly. I look down at her feet, willing myself to not make eye contact.

"Why did I find out you had joined my team through a post on Instagram?"

I roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders, making an unintelligible sound that tells her that I do not know and I do not care. I try to leave again but she just stops me again.

"Why do I not know anything about you anymore? Why did Mapi find you in the middle of the park near her house last night when you should have been in bed like Mami thought?"

At least Mapi didn't say anything. I was worried, she is terrible at keeping secrets.

I just scoff because I don't know how else to react to the irony.

"Where is your girlfriend?"

She sighs.

"Olga is in the changing room with the others. You can meet her if you would like."

"I do not want to meet her."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I just wanted to confirm it wasn't just another one of Alba's rumours. You never told me."

I am proud that my voice doesn't falter, that it doesn't break. It is calm, level, despite the emotions that are raging inside of me.

"And whose fault is that?"

I roll my eyes but I avoid saying anything. She hesitated before continuing.

"We were best friends Elena, what even happened? Why did you stop talking to me, why did you start skipping our thursday night dinners?"

I scoff as she tries to make eye contact.

"I am not having this conversation now, Alexia. This is supposed to be a happy day but you are ruining it. You don't remember, that is the problem."

"I should be part of this day with you. I am your captain now."

I hold back a laugh.

"yes, captain, anything you say captain." I salute her weakly and turn around to leave, pushing past her outstretched arm.

Mapi looks at me cautiously as I walk back into the changing rooms but she is chatting with Olga and I do not want to have any interaction with her. I wave goodbye to her and Ingrid and say goodbye to a few of the others.

"What did she say?" Aitana had walked out with me and had apparently seen Alexia enter the showers earlier as well.

"That she is my captain now." I don't think I will ever forget her coldness.

"She is also your sister, Lena, she must be proud?"

If she is she has not shown it.

"She is my captain before she is my sister." My voice is monotone and I stare straight ahead of me. "Football always comes before family. It always has for Alexia."

Aitana shakes her head.

"It should not, it is not healthy."

I can't help but agree with the midfielder beside me.

~~~~~~

Dinner with Mami and Alba is nice, although I shouldn't have expected the topic of my oldest sister to be completely neglected the whole evening. Thankfully, she waits until we are all in the car driving home to bring it up.

"Your sister should have been there today, Elena." She makes eye contact with me through the rear view mirror and I look away.

"There are many things she should have done but didn't." I mumble quietly so Mami can't hear me, but Alba does and she looks back at me weirdly.

"Alexia said she was going to talk to you, she told us how proud she was and I said that you would want to hear her say it to you."

"She's... proud of me?" My voice is soft and I can see my mother's eyebrows furrow in the mirror.

"Of course she is, you are her baby sister and you have just joined her team. She was upset that you didn't tell her and I don't think she really understood why but, Lena, she was practically crying. She is a very proud big sister. I told her to come with us tonight and she seemed keen, said she would meet you in the changerooms and come out with you."

"Why does she tell you all this but when she talks to me she is so cold?" My voice is barely a whisper yet both Mami and Alba hear me loud and clear.

"She went to meet you in the dressing room, she was excited for you to meet Olga and Olga was excited as well. What did she say to you?" Mami frowns, her eyes flickering over to Alba who also had creases in her forehead.

I shrug.

"She asked me why I didn't tell her that I had joined, why she doesn't know anything about my life anymore. She said she was my captain, she should be part of my life. I think she meant my football life, not my actual one."

"What makes you say that?" Alba is the one who speaks because Mami looks devastated.

I look around dramatically. "If she wanted to be part of my actual life she would be here right now, no?"

Alba runs her hands over her face in frustration but I don't think she is frustrated at me. Just the situation. I think it has upset Alba more than anyone else and I feel guilty.

"Sorry." 

"No, hermanita, this is not your fault, I just don't understand what is going through Alexia's head."

"It's ok, Alba, Mami. I don't mind. Really, I don't."

Mami just shakes her head. She is not happy and she clearly does mind.

"No, you and your sister need to sort this out, pequena, I simply cannot stand it any more. You will be home for dinner this Thursday and you will talk about it."

"But I have train-" I am interrupted.

"No you do not, you are not playing with the B team at the moment, don't be ridiculous. You will be there and we will discuss it then. We also need to discuss what we are going to do about your school."

I groan, although the change in topic is appreciated.

"Mami! I don't want to have to go back to school because I'd rather do this." She sighs and I roll my eyes.

"La Masia has made an arrangement that will allow you to continue your classes there but your days will be rearranged. You will go to training with the first team until 2, then you will go over to La Masia and do your school classes with your peers there. They will get you a tutor to study with you in the evenings when training usually is to make up for the school you missed in the morning."

Unfortunately, Mami has always been adamant that we get a good education despite mine and Alexia's obsessions with football.

I was quick to get out of the car when we arrived home, having dropped Alba off at her apartment on the way back. I went up to my room quickly, changing into my pajamas and heading to bed quite quickly.

Mami called out to tell me that she was going to see Alexia before bed, so I sat on my phone for a while, the doors locked and my lights switched off.

But my phone was plugged in and my eyes were closed when a soft fist hit my door twice. Thinking it was just mami, I called for her to enter.

But when I registered that bleach blonde hair for the second time that day, all I felt was regret.

"I am tired, Alexia. Please, just let me sleep."

"Elena, please." I hadn't noticed the tears that dripped down her face, the slump in her usual perfect posture. Her voice cracked when she said my name. "I miss you."

"Alexia. It has been a long day, I am tired, I want to sleep. Please, Alexia. Let me sleep." I am acting immature but I am tired, and I don't want to have this conversation now.

She let out a soft exhale, stepping towards me and placing a kiss on the side of my head that is exposed to the air.

I try to ignore the warm shivers it sends down my spine, it has been so long since she did that; since she did something she used to do every night.

She walks slowly back to the door, stopping as she reaches it and resting her hand on the door handle.

"Mami says you don't think I am proud of you. It is not true. I am so proud of you and I love you, pequena. But I don't think you need me anymore, I think you're fine without me. I am sorry, Elena. I am sorry for not being there for you when I should have been, but I will take a step back. I am so proud of you."

She pushed down the door handle and was gone just as quickly as she came and I resisted the urge to call out and tell her she had got it all wrong. I want her to take a step forward, she has already taken a step back. She has already taken 50 steps back.

I need her. More than anything.

But I can't rely on her. I can not be weak in front of her.

I am a Putellas. I can not be weak.

She has to be right. I am fine without her.

~~~~~~

She is still home when I walk downstairs in the morning, her eyes puffy and hair a mess as she sits on the kitchen table with a coffee. My sigh alerts her to my presence but I turn my back on her as soon as I enter the kitchen.

"Elena, please." I don't know how I changed my sister from a leader to a beggar, but today is not the day to ask when that happened.

I pour myself a bowl of cereal silently and head straight back upstairs, locking my bedroom door and eating my breakfast before sitting down on the piano stall, my fingers immediately jumping onto the keys, improvising and experimenting with new notes, chords and rhythms.

I don't know what Mami said to Alexia when she visited last night, but to be quite honest I don't want to know. I just need to keep being ok without my older sister, no matter how much I miss her. She said I should be fine without her, so I will be.

For some reason, I neglect to consider the other words she said.

"I miss you."

"I am so proud of you."

"I love you."

I think I ignore those statements because I can't seem to grasp their validity. If she missed me, she would have seen me; she would have come to my games. If she was proud of me I would already know, she would have told me like Mami had, like Alba had. Like everyone else who is proud of me has.

If she loved me... If she loved me she would be my older sister again.

I miss her, I am proud of her and I love her. It is true and I have never once doubted those emotions.

But it feels like she is just saying what she wants me to hear. What Mami said that she should say to me. I don't think she actually means it.

How could someone who loves me tell me that I am weak?

How could someone who is proud of me tell me that she doesn't want me to achieve my dreams, that she never wants to share a shirt because I am haven't had to work for it?

I don't understand how it could be true, both things at the same time.

I curse at the tear that spills out of my eye, rubbing it away aggressively and shaking my head at myself. No. I can not be weak. Not today, not ever.

My sisters words from today, from yesterday, from three years ago spin in my mind and my fingers become more and more aggressive on the keys of my piano, my song increasing in intensity; reflecting my emotions in the only way I know how. The keys are my home, the notes are my head and the song is my heart. 

Though sometimes the song sounds broken, like right now when there is so much going on. So many chords, rhythms. Increasing speed, increasing volume. My fingers moving at a million miles an hour, barely hitting one key before moving to the next. 

There is so much going on that it is overwhelming, so much going on that it could just explode. Into a million pieces. So many pieces that it would be futile to even try and put them back together.

It does that sometimes, and I have to fall back down to the softness and calmness of the easy rhythms, easily sailing away from the broken song like it never even existed. 

But it always existed, and it's remains will always be there at the bottom of the sea, haunting me, threatening to re-emerge. 

I realise I have been grieving my sister like she has died. I grieve the death of our relationship and how it has changed so quickly and so aggressively. I miss her more than anything, but the thought of what it used to be is overwhelming, it fills me with dread, with complete sadness. 

Those notes that exploded so long ago, still lying dormant somewhere, never gone, never forgotten. There are so many of them, I just wish she would help me pick them up.

My song has already exploded, so I resort to playing soft chords, tears now spilling from my eyes in a continuous stream. There are too many to wipe away and I know that my eyes will be red and my cheeks puffy when I eventually do. I have lost my sister in a way that is almost impossible to comprehend.

Because Alexia isn't dead, and somehow that makes her distance so much harder to understand, so much more hurtful.

She isn't dead, she has just decided she does not want to be a part of my life any more.

The song comes to a conclusion, and my fingers rest on the keys, my eyes staring ahead at the empty stand in front of me, trying their very best to not slip upwards towards the picture that I know hangs directly above it.

The picture of me and my family the day I was born, held in Alexia's arms as Alba tried her best to share me, both of them sitting beside Mami in bed as Papi watched on with a proud smile.

I would go back to that day in an instant if I was given the opportunity.

~~~~~~

I don't go back downstairs until I hear the front door close and Alexia's car drive away. I give it a few minutes before I actually leave the safe haven that my bedroom has become, ignoring Mami's watchful eyes as I slump onto the sofa, using the remote to switch on the tv.

I only watch it for five minutes before my mother switches it off, standing by the door and looking directly at me.

"She is confused, Elena. She doesn't know why this has all happened but she is angry with herself for not being there for you more."

I roll my eyes. Of course she doesn't remember.

"Maybe she should use her brain. Maybe she should just think."

Mami shakes her head at me, it could be in frustration, maybe disappointment. I still do not look at her.

"Maybe you could just talk to her! She doesn't know how to love you when you won't let her. She wanted you to meet Olga yesterday, but you left. She wanted to speak to you last night or this morning but you ignored her."

"But Mami, it is not my fault! It should not be up to me to fix what she has broken."

"She is trying, Elena, and at the moment that is what matters. This just can not go on, you are in the same family, the same football team! Mapi spoke to me yesterday, you know. She was practically crying, Elena, it's effecting even her."

"I never should have opened my mouth to her. Now she has involved herself in something that is not her business." My voice is poisonous and my words aggressive. I know Mapi would be heartbroken if she could hear this, she always has tried so hard to do what is best. Especially when it was about me.

I love Mapi, I always have. She never thought I did because I never gravitated towards her at training when I was little, but that was just because I thought she was another sister - she was like Alexia, always around.

When I was 11, maybe, I didn't realise how upset she got about me 'not liking her', and I had made a joke about never hanging around with Mapi. It was when she left the room that Alexia pulled me to the side harshly.

"Even if you don't like her, Elena, you have to pretend! She is my best friend and she loves you so much."

I remember looking at her with my mouth agape - I love Mapi, I always did. I was confused, it was a meaningless joke - a version of a joke I made all the time to Alexia.

Alexia didn't need to tell me to go talk to her, but I didn't know what to say when I walked out the door and found her sitting down with her back to the wall, tears pouring down her face. I explained everything and she apologised for being dramatic.

Since then, we have gotten along well and I have tried to spend time with her when I can.

It has been harder in the last couple years when I have fallen out with Alexia. They are best friends, I don't want to get in the way of that.

Mami's anger brings me right back to reality.

"That is enough, Elena! Maria only wants to help, but she can't, nobody can do anything except you and Alexia."

I resist rolling my eyes, instead releasing a huff of air.

"I'll think about it." 

My arms are folded and I turn back towards the blank screen, ignoring the way Mami sighs and walks away. 

It is only when I hear her door close that I let my angry facade crumble, my body shaking as I resist the tears. 

I need to stop crying. 

Alexia thinks I am strong enough to do everything by myself.

I need to prove to her that I can. 

Maybe then she will tell me she is proud of me. 

~~~~~~

this is pretty much all the prewritten stuff i have, will write more soon once my exams are done

let me know if there's anything you want to see in the next parts

part IV

[ukininayu]

0UT LIKE A LIGHT. —SATORU GOJO.

SYNOPSIS. Realization truly hit you hard. Only a shame it didn't hit him to realize the damage he's done.

CW. Modern!au. CEO!Gojo.

WC. 1688

A/N. I need sleep. Why is there sigma in my maths. No actually, STATISTICS. wgat the fuck is taht n why am I looking for SIGMA. 😞 I might actually fail this quarter cause I've failed almost every quiz, though my performances are PEAK. But ugh im not gonna be an honor student oh god. Ion wanna get smacked n get my door n phone taken away ugh 😣 update. there is no phone to get cause..heh..i broke it

What good is a luxurious estate for two if he never comes home?

All you can do to feel closure is to lay on the king sized bed and reminisce what it feels like to lay and be with him again.

But reminiscing isn't the right word. You can't deny that the majority of times like these all you really try to do is to try and remember what it feels.

It's not like Gojo left you. You don't think he has plans on leaving you; after all, he does drain and drown himself with work for his family. For you.

But then again.

What good is spoiling you if he isn't even there to accompany you in buying things and having fun? You feel guilty for being so ungrateful.

Poor Gojo is only doing what he has to. He has heavier weights on his shoulders than you ever will! You should be happy you can go wherever you want whenever you want instead of having to balance a big corporation by a big clan and a relationship, unlike him.

But he himself isn't balancing it all too well.

.

..

...

You just miss your husband. You're not trying to be a brat. It's not your fault you think he needs to spend a little more time with you.

...

Whining about your problems in your own mind won't help. It'll probably make it worse.

You realize every problem would all just water down to the same question,

"What good?"

What good is spending countless date nights together surrounded by art materials, you and him work and make memories while making a love journal,

"Satoru, that's too much supplies!" You scold your partner. The sight of him carrying two bags full of art materials making you concerned about how much money he spent on such silly things. He laughs at your reaction, taking your hand and walking in your dorm and to your room, setting the bags down on the fluffy carpet beside your bed.

"Nothing to worry about, sweets. Money is the least of poor worries." Gojo assures you, sitting down and pulling you next to him. "C'mon now, let's start making the journal already! I've been waiting for this moment for ages! "

Only for him to never engage in any dates you, or even himself had planned?

"Evenin' Toru... Are you free for tonight? You know we have a date. Ev'n marked it on our calendar, you know." Another sent right to the voicemail. It's the 5th one by now. It's well past the time of your reservation yet you still hope. One last time. One more try before you give up and change out of your clothes and pull out wine.

"If you can't come it's.. Alright. I—.. We can still plan another one anytime, like you said the last time. And the last. Before that, too—.. Ah, forget it. I'm sorry for sounding mad. Uh, please just. Uhm. Don't drown yourself with work, Satoru. It's bad for you." For us. "Goodnight, 'Toru. Wake me up if you come back or uh.. Text me if you can't. Bye. I love you."

What good were the long early morning walks with your hands holding, fingers intertwined as you and him walk over to a café to grab coffee (Gojo gets hot chocolate instead, disliking the bitter taste of coffee.) And take a seat at the park yapping each other's ears off as you both make a bucket list, sharing a pen and writing down your dreams in the love journal both of you created,

After Gojo finishes writing down what he wants to do with you and adding it on the bucket list, you take the pen he was offering and write down yours. Your eyes scan the almost-filled bucket list and end up in the latest one Gojo wrote. "♡Start a family!♡" in bold letters with hearts and rainbows all around the words.

"Really planning ahead huh, 'Toru?" You huff out a laugh and look at him, the faint blush he has makes you want to attack his cheeks with kisses. "With all those hearts too!"

"You can't tell me you haven't thought of it." He fights back. But he's right..you really can't tell him that. "With you, I wouldn't mind starting a family." "Awh. Come on, sweets.. Give me a clear answer!" "Okay, okay! Yes. I do want to start a family with you, better?"

"Imagine what our child would look like, I wonder whose hair color they would get.. Can't I just br—" with already a blushing face, you get more red. "Satoru! We're in college and in public. You can't just blurt that out!"

If he doesn't even make time from the both of you to cross out at least one word in the list?

Though it's pathetic, you still hold the feeling of nostalgia. Your prime. Yours and his prime, when you were the couple of the campus. You hold those memories dearly.

You wouldn't mind rummaging through the old boxes on the very corners of the attic to find something to hold on to. No matter how much dust, insects, and heat tries to go to you, you will do it for the journal.

So you do.

After an hour or two did you finally find it. Old and dusty, but still in pretty good shape for a book that stayed in such a place for such a time.

You get jumped by the first page of the journal.

"Bucket list! <3"

the list went on. It filled the whole page. Front to back, even. From "Bahamas!" To "try every damn fast food restaurant fry."

Each word came with a good remembrance of the times you or him wrote the words down, each little memory having it's own adorable conversation between you two.

But each word forced you to remember each rejected and ignored plan you had and shared with your dear Satoru.

"They called me for a meeting. I'm busy."

"Please, sweets. You know how hard it is for me to get a day off."

"I'm tired."

Excuses on and on and on. He knows those excuses don't make you any less sad, yet he still does it. Does he do it to spite you and your pathetic attempts? Does he know how cruel he is? Trying to slip and dodge every piece of affection thrown at him. As if being neglected by your own lover isn't bad enough!

What good are passing those old crumpled papers the both of you passed to each other way back in highschool, old papers filled with little names for your future children, even a whole reason about the name,

Expecting Satoru to pass you the paper back with a reply, he instead puts it under his notebook and pulls out another piece of paper, scribbling something out with big letters before covering your view with another book of his. Huh, weeirrrddd.

A few minutes later, he grabs your attention by nudging his boot against your sandal under the table, sliding the paper to you when you give him a glance.

"NAMEZZ! 𖤐𖨆"

• nouitzki. Nowitzki?? Idk

➥ sounds rich asf. Matching name = status righhhtt?? keh heh. :p

You look at him again, and he looks at you. He looks genuine. The way Gojo looks while he waits for you to write something down, his body nearly facing yours as he rests his face on his palm. Mouthing out a "c'mon.." with a smile on his face.

if sleeping with him in the same room without his call ringtone disturbing him and you every three seconds is such a rare event?

Why does he keep prioritizing such useless calls from whoever the fuck politician, celebrity, or another nepo baby is calling?

"Satoru... r' they calling again? It looks so dark outside n' late.. Can't they take a break.." You groan as your eyes still try to get used to the light from the sudden open lamp, you feel your lover hug you tightly and kiss your forehead before he sighs. "Yes, sweets, they are.. M' sorry."

Gojo sounds like he dreads responding to the caller. He is. He keeps his arms tight around you and his lips on your skin, letting the ringtone go off for a few seconds before carefully sitting up and reaching for his vibrating phone.

You don't bother listening in the conversation after that and continue sleeping, only waking up when you feel his lips against your forehead again, whispering apologies before walking out the room.

You want to remind him about the words that came out of his lying little mouth just a few hours ago, about how he'll stay till sunrise, but you know he's also tired and telling him that will just make him feel like shit. So you don't. You still love him, after all.

..

... Yeah.

back then, people noticing his absence whenever you went to events or parties alone felt good, the thought of your acquaintances expecting you with him or vice versa gives you the feeling of bliss.

but now.. oh wow.

everywhere you go, questions bringing up your husband's absence would endlessly haunt you. sure hurts like a bitch.

how cruel it is to actually know by experience that bullshit as simple as a family corporation can break love you thought only death could break apart.

you cant do this anymore.

Gojo doesn't completely try to ignore you, but you realize the more you and him aren't together, the more the relationship feels like downgrading to a simple friendship.

its not just his ignorance, no.

As time passes by he becomes a complete stranger.

the mutual interests you both loved would fade, and he would pour his stress on you. though not screaming matches, fortunately, it was words that were equipped with armour and swords, aiming straight to the heart.

you make a plan instead.

if he loves leaving you behind without notice, you would to.

fuck a letter.

maybe someday he would get back to his senses, maybe one day you and him would meet again.

A/N. Chat I accidentally posted this twice instead of saving it as draft. Am I cooked 😞also im so sorry if there are any repeated like situations n stuff i do not beta read n i dont have time to see errors oh and the ending was rushed. i do not know how to end a story im sorry also ts ws started on oct 2. ive put all tears and sweat and blood to keep continuing

[rose-gold-bullet]

[𝐜𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞] Chamber x Reader One Shot

Summary: You’re an agent for the Valorant Protocol who deeply values their morning routine of drinking coffee alone. That is, until, the new guy gently disrupts it.

warnings: trauma from missions, insomnia, mostly comfort/fluff though

You woke up abruptly in a cold sweat, an experience that's common yet seldom talked about within the Valorant protocol. Mission after mission, kill after death, it's bound to take a toll on one's psyche eventually.

Alas, you were up now, which was slightly less upsetting than returning to your dream. You checked your clock; you rarely got enough sleep, but maybe today you've gotten lucky and achieved Sage's recommended 8 hours.

"5:30?" you muttered to yourself, "Typical." With a groggy stretch and yawn, you dragged yourself out of bed. Skye and Deadlock have probably already left for their morning run, and you were sure the other agents wouldn't be up for a few more hours. Might as well just keep your pyjamas on then, surely no one was going to see you anyway.

You got ready for the morning and left your room to find the communal kitchen. It was a bit early for breakfast but you figured it was as good a time as any for an absurdly large mug of coffee.

You put on a pot, plopped down on a nearby chair, and rested your eyes as you listened to the coffee machine slowly do its work, drip by drip. These mornings were quite peaceful, all alone as the sun slowly greeted you through the windows. You were used to working in solitude, so switching to cooperating with Valorant has been quite a struggle. The agents were kind for the most part and you were grateful to be a part of such a caring team, but you still cherished every moment you had to yourself.

Moments later, that time alone was interrupted by footsteps making their way towards you. You let out a sigh of annoyance and opened your eyes to witness a complete stranger wander into the kitchen. They were possibly the most attractive and elegant man you've ever seen, and it admittedly took a moment to stop staring.

"Um," you started, before realizing you were still in your quite revealing pyjamas. You cleared your throat in a meagre attempt to gain your composure, "I... don't believe we've met. You must be the new recruit I've heard about. Chamber, I think it was?"

He was already at the coffee machine, searching  for the biggest mugs he could find. He glanced over to you, admiring you for only a moment before going back to searching the cabinets.

"That's right. It's a pleasure to meet you, chérie." He didn't ask your codename, probably because he's heard about you already. "Do you take anything in your coffee?"

You blushed at the pet name he's assigned to you so casually. Despite the intrusion, it's quite nice having someone make you coffee without you asking.

"Cream and sugar, please." He nodded and silently prepared both coffees before handing you your mug and sitting across from you, and you briefly caught scent of his expensive cologne. You took a sip of your coffee; he prepared it perfectly. You thanked him again and placed the mug down.

"So, Chamber," you started, "What are you doing awake so early?"

"Ah, I'm a weapons designer, you see. Sometimes inspiration strikes, and sleep must have to wait. Not only that, but it's rather hard to sleep comfortably in a place like this, no? I'm much too used to my home back in Paris." You nodded along, but you were only partially paying attention. You were already distracted just by his voice, and you nearly didn't hear his question, "And you? You seem quite tired, chérie, I worry you should be sleeping."

"Oh... I'm a bit of an insomniac is all," you lied, "Today I just got unlucky." In reality, you wanted nothing more than to go back to the days when your dreams weren't plagued with the horrors of the battlefield, but that's a bit heavy for a man you've only just met.

The silence was surprisingly comfortable, only occasionally making small talk but consistently enjoying each other's company. You were both mostly lost in thought, sometimes glancing at the other just to appreciate their beauty. Neither of you had really noticed.

"So," You break the silence. By now your coffee is only half full. "How do you bring your weapons into battle? The protocol has a policy of only buying from our manufacturer." You see his eyes light up at the mention of his passion before summoning a sidearm from the tattoos on his body. He chuckled at your bewildered expression before returning his gun back to his skin.

After a moment to take in what you just saw, you finally responded.

"That's... unique. Um, if you don't mind me asking, just how many of these tattoos do you have?"

"Would you like to come back to my room to see?" He flashed you a devious smile, and you almost choked on your final sip of coffee.

"You're quite the flirt."

"Only for you, chérie."

You rolled your eyes, but your smile didn't waver. "You know how to flatter too. But the others don't trust you, and unfortunately, I'm sure there's good reason for it. It's going to take more than some smooth words to get me into bed, I'm sure you understand." you stood up and took his empty mug before washing them both and putting them away. You were too focussed on the mugs to see the look of frustration on his face. He was a perceptive man, but he didn't know the others thought so poorly of him they felt they had to warn you of his existence.

"I'll see you around, Chamber." You gave him one more smile before leaving to return to your room.

"I look forward to it, chérie."

---

You never would have guessed it, but that brief conversation with the frenchman had changed your morning schedule ever since. For the first time since you've joined the protocol, you truly looked forward to having your alone time interrupted.

You didn't know it, but the reason you've met Chamber so late was because the other agents actively prevented it. You were smart and independent, but your friends simply loved you too much to leave someone like you with someone like him.

Luckily for Chamber, you were both early birds, and no one was awake to keep you two apart during your morning coffee. Maybe he hasn't been the most... transparent man in the past, but he's made it his mission to prove to you he's someone you can trust. It didn't take long for him to fall in love with so much more than just your appearance, and even the others had noticed he'd stopped flirting with everyone except you.

Today, like any other day, he woke up early. Though he didn't need it, he had set an alarm for 5:30 ever since your first morning together to ensure he was able to make you coffee on time.

He put on his typical suit you mentioned you liked, and quietly made his way to the kitchen.

As usual, he'd made you both coffee and had sat down, but for the first time in months, you were nowhere to be seen. He waited as long as he could, but he eventually got worried. Did you find something out about him? Were you scared of him because of it? He shook his head in an attempt to silence such thoughts, but he couldn't even finish his coffee before promptly heading to your room to make sure everything was okay.

He hesitated for a moment before building up the courage to knock.

"Ma Chérie?" His voice was gentle, "Is everything alright?"

No response.

"May I come in?" He asked after a moment. He was hoping you were just sleeping, but you've mentioned your nightmares before and how they're even worse than what most of your coworkers experience. He heard the faintest choked sob from the other side of the door, and took it as permission to enter.

There you were, crying silently on your bed. You were too exhausted to even be embarrassed by your now best friend seeing you like this.

"Oh, chérie... What's the matter? Is there anything I can do?" Chamber cautiously made his way to the bed. He wasn't used to comforting people, as he's never had as close a connection as he had with you. All he knew was that he desperately wanted you to feel better.

"It... It was just another dream. It's nothing." You tried so hard to mask the fear and sadness in your voice, and Chamber saw right through it.

"Can you tell me about it?"

You didn't respond. How could you tell him that his imaginary death is what brought you over the edge? That you've fallen in love with someone so deeply the thought of them leaving is unbearable? Especially when that someone is an attractive millionaire with thousands of potential girlfriends to choose from? The last thing you needed to hear was his smug laugh as you fuelled his ego.

But his ego was the last thing on his mind. More than anything, he just wanted you to feel better. "Please?" He asked, softer this time.

After a while, you finally answered. Your voice was hoarse and you could barely speak. you must have been crying for hours.

"You died. We were on a mission, and I couldn't help you. Sage couldn't save you. You were gone." The tears returned, stronger this time. "I was alone again."

Chamber was shocked. First of all, him? Dead? Impossible, he was simply too good. Second of all, he couldn't believe the mere thought of his death was affecting you like this. He was quite confident in himself, but to him you were magnificent, and he had figured you could never care for him the way he cared for you.

"There's no need to cry, mon amour. I'm here now. You know how safe I am on my missions, I'm not going anywhere." He sat down on your bed and grabbed your hand. You squeezed it tight, thankful for the reassurance. After a minute, he spoke once again.

"I have dreams like this too. About you." your sobs went quiet as you tried to focus on what he was saying. "I wouldn't be able to go another day without you, chérie. But I know how much of a menace you are on the battlefield. And even if things get... complicated during these missions, I will always put you first. I'll die if it means ensuring your safety. That's what I tell myself whenever I have dreams like these." He paused. He's a flirtatious man, but he's never said words like these out loud. He wasn't sure if now was a bad time, but maybe it would at least distract you from your dream.

"I love you too much to ponder you leaving me. It'd be torture." He finished.

Your eyes went wide. You were too stunned to speak. You both stayed like that for a while, you curled up in the fetal position with the now slightly disheveled man sitting beside you, holding your hand.

with a shaky breath, you finally spoke. "Can you please lay with me?"

He was surprised, but happily obliged. he loosened his tie and got under the covers with you, before gently placing an arm around your waist. He treated you like glass, or like you'd disappear if he did anything more.

"I love you too, Vincent." you smiled, and your tears slowly halted as you felt sleepiness take over.

He pulled you ever so slightly closer to him, and a single tear escaped him and found its way to the pillow under his head. He was grateful you were turned away and couldn't see.

Tomorrow, you will both be sent on your next mission. You'll both have to kill. You'll both have to see the person you love more than anything get shot at. You'll have to report back to Brimstone once it's over and pretend to be unaffected by the violence.

But that's the last thing on your mind. Today is the first time in months either of you had stayed in bed past 6 am. Chances are, you'll both wake up hours later, your bodies finally catching up on some much needed rest.

For the first time in months, you won't suffer from nightmares. He won't lay awake, fearing the other agents will finally convince you to avoid him.

The coffee he brewed for the two of you will get cold. For the first time in months, it will sit abandoned in the communal kitchen, for all the agents to see and wonder where you both went. And the two of you couldn't care less.

Notes: -2,119 words -allat just to be hardstuck silver is crazyy -cross posted from AO3 and Wattpad! thanks so much for reading <3

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

[zerokurokawa]

Daughter From Another Lifetime, Part Two (Bonten!Rindou x Reader)

(part one)

After the conversation with his you, the mother of his child, Rindou did everything he could to make up seventeen years worth of lost time with his daughter. He picked her up from school in his nice car, took her out to eat, took her shopping, and even taught her how to drive like a father should. Other than spending time with d/n, he had other things on his agenda was well. 

He couldn't help but to notice how great you looked to be in your early thirties. Both of you looked amazing. You, with your e/c, h/c and h/l, and overall beautiful physique, were as stunning as the day he had met you. Truth be told, he had never fallen out of love with you and thought of you often. He craved you, needed, and wanted you. Hell, he even thought to himself about having a second child with you if it wasn't too late. He enjoyed being a father after all. 

One night, after taking d/n out to eat, he brought her home on time as promised. You and Rindou had a set schedule when it came to your daughter. He would pick her up from school, take her out on certain days, and drop her back off at home before or at nine. Only this time, Rindou had invited himself inside to talk more. 

As d/n went to her room, he sat himself at the counter once more, making himself at home in your humble apartment. 

"I think I should buy you a house." He stated, out of the blue. 

"I don't need your help with that, I've got plenty in savings and we're doing just fine here." You sounded cold. 

"It would be my gift to you, y/n... I want you to live comfortably and never have to work again." He said, taking a sip of the wine you had poured him. He was still wearing his suit, which was neatly pressed, from work. His lilac and purple hair cascaded down his shoulders as he watched you intently. 

"You would really go that far, huh?" You were leaning against the counter now, cleavage out. He was obviously trying not to stare, but what could a man do? He wanted you, badly. He wanted you back so bad that he even told his brother about your return and the fact that he was a father. Needless to say, Ran was surprised that he was an uncle and couldn't wait to meet his niece. 

"Yeah, I would. I would do anything for you both." He said, leaning in across the counter and propping his arms on the edge. He wanted to get closer to you, but the damn counter was in the way as you were standing opposite of him. You stayed silent while he spoke up again. 

"I want you both to live happily, without worry. I've kept my promise by putting her first. I've been leaving work early and picking her up. I've spent time with her. I've gotten to know her likes and dislikes and she's just like me!" He rambled, a wide grin creeping upon his face. He was trying to win you back. 

"I'm glad, Rindou." You smiled at the thought of your daughter finally having her father in her life. You had seen how happy it made d/n to be around her dad. She even came home one day and told you all about the awesome shopping trip he took her on and how she got everything she ever dreamed of, including the newest iPhone. 

"So why don't you give me a chance to prove myself even further?" He smiled, taking his hand and placing on top of yours. He got up from the counter and walked around to where you were standing. He towered over you, his eyes gazing into yours. 

"What do you mean?" You asked, tilting your head to the side. You wanted him, but not all that he came with. You knew he was in a very illegal, dangerous line of work and you didn't want that to affect your relationship any further than it already has. You caught yourself thinking about the Tenjiku days and how often Rindou would come home with wads of money from seemingly nowhere. That's when you knew he was up to no good. 

"I mean... me and you. Let's give us another chance." He started to wrap his arm around your waist. You let him, for a split moment, as you were lost in his gaze. The next thing you knew, you two were inches apart and he was leaning in further. Right when he was about to kiss you, or so you thought, he tilted his head while brushing back a piece of hair behind your ear. 

"I think... we can make it work this time." He whispered gently into your ear, his breath grazing your skin, causing you to shiver. You stayed silent; lost in a daze of confusion and thoughts as he leaned back, arm still wrapped around your waist. 

"I need time to think about this, Rin..." You trailed off. You wanted him, badly. You were scared though. You were terrified of numerous things. What if he brings work home and someone comes after you and your daughter? What if he gets caught and gets sentenced to prison? What if... he gets killed? 

He backed away, trying not to upset you. He could see the look on your face. As he turned to leave, he asked one more question. 

"Promise me, you'll think about it?" 

You nodded your head in response, still in a daze of thinking. He left without a single word. 

(Tagging: @rukiasluver @merrymerrykiss @burndownyourparade) <333 <333 <333

[mcflymemes]

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS (2016) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

please don't say that. i don't want to be like my mother.

do you ever feel like your life has turned into something that you never intended?

that's a deal breaker for me.

we might be perfect for each other if we didn't live in the real world.

why do you always think the worst of me?

you're wrong. you and i are nothing alike.

i see we're settling for less now!

a package arrived for you. i found it in the mailbox this morning.

i'm sorry, but could you help me open this? i just cut my finger. paper cut.

in the end, you left me with the inspiration that i needed to write from the heart.

where were you last night?

by the time i left the office, i was late for my dinner.

it would have taken you fifteen minutes. fifteen minutes, and it would have meant a lot to me.

you didn't come to bed last night.

i didn't want to wake you up.

that doesn't sound like you.

are things a little better?

i'm surprised. i thought we were hiding it pretty well.

[name], i'm worried about you.

seriously, look at me. you scared me the last time that we talked.

i'm fine. i just can't believe i told you all of those things. i feel embarrassed about it.

what right do i have to not be happy? i have everything. i feel ungrateful not to be happy.

i think we just want different things. or maybe i want different things.

we get into things when we're young because we think they mean something.

do we really have to stop tonight? i'd rather just get there.

don't look at them. don't give them any reason.

sit still. they've probably got a gun.

don't get out of the car.

you're not supposed to leave the scene of an accident. it's a crime.

don't come any closer.

i'm a gemini, my favorite color is petal pink, and i like long walks and kittens.

you know what, we should call the police.

you got no fucking right to talk to me like that!

you'll get killed if you don't watch it.

may i use your phone?

could you see them in the dark?

i just wanted to hear your voice. i miss you.

you sound weird. are you okay?

you look beautiful as always.

would you like to have dinner?

you know, you were my first crush.

what a weird thing to say.

i'm sorry. i hope that doesn't offend you.

this is a ridiculous conversation. you're too young to get married.

oh my god, did you just say that? you really just said that? that came out of your mouth?

it's like the whole thing is a blur.

now listen. i've got to be honest with you. right now it's not looking good.

if i write it down, then it will last forever.

you know my name. i told you.

you didn't sleep again, did you?

who the hell are you? get off my property!

you'll take this the wrong way, but i think that you need to stop writing about yourself.

please don't start that again. it makes me feel like you don't believe in me.

you always get so fucking defensive about it.

i really wanted to be this person that you thought i was. i really did, but i'm just not that person.

you're wonderful and romantic, and sweet and sensitive, and all the things i'm not. life for you is kind of a dream.

weak. i'm weak. that's what you want to say. go ahead and say it. you've said it before. weak.

i'll live to regret this. i regret it now.

i got a certain pride in how people talk to me, and there are certain things i don't put up with.

nobody gets away with what you did.

may i get you a drink while you wait?

[notmorbid]

poor deer.

dialogue prompts from poor deer: a novel by claire oshetsky.

enough of your pretty lies. it's time to tell the truth.

here, the boundary between the practical and the supernatural is razor-thin.

stop stalling. it's time to confess what you did.

don't go far.

time for you to go home, then.

i'll be very sad if you go to a better place without me.

what an old stick in the mud you are.

you're the same liar you've always been.

what are you staring at? go.

didn't you ever come to bed?

a nap will do you good.

you are full of surprises.

time moves sideways, through the most important moments of our lives.

it's been so long since i met any new people.

i don't know how to behave, or where to put my eyes.

i admire your panache.

you haven't been out of this room all day, have you?

run away. run straight home.

you ought not to be alone. please stay.

come here, funny bunny.

do you miss ____?

that was a wicked thing to say.

you are never to repeat that awful lie again.

i just want to shut my eyes and sleep forever.

i hadn't expected to meet you.

why are you so kind to me?

whenever i'm happy, something bad is sure to follow.

i don't understand you one bit.

my little changeling child.

you don't have a shred of compassion.

did your mother tell you that?

[name] isn't an angel. [name] is in the ground.

i will never think what those other people think about you.

please, dear. please look at me. i love you.

you know as well as i do what true memories feel like.

buck up. the worst is over.

do you understand what you did? do you even know what you've done?

you can't lie to me. you can't hide from the truth.

you'll be seeing me.

everything is always better in the morning. i promise.

everything is the same as it ever was.

cat got your tongue?

what you need is a good hug.

you're home now. you're safe.

the days kept happening. the world kept turning.

would you like to tell your story to me? i'd love to hear it.

you can be a remarkable little liar sometimes.

you're old enough to know heaven is just a pretty story, aren't you?

go home to your mother. your mother will know what to do.

some things are forever, and other things are never again.

you can't help me. i know that now.

this is my secret hideout. i made it.

what happened to you?

do you think you're being charming?

it looks like it's going to be just you and me, for the time being.

i think we should go on a little vacation somewhere special. just us two. what do you think?

i'm not asking your permission. i'll be back when i'm back.

any old fool can drive a car.

given enough faith, you can do the impossible. and don't you forget it.

you will change the world for the better, i know it.

can you tell me, please, how to get to [place]?

you once said i'd be the death of you, and you were right.

i've always imagined purgatory was the kind of place you could stumble into by accident.

will you ever let me try to make it up to you?

i've traveled this route before, in my dreams.

it couldn't have been ___ you saw. you must have seen somebody else.

i'm running out of time to find my happy ending.

did the light wake you?

you are the strangest girl i have ever met.

there is very little goodness or love in this story.

you never need to worry about ____, ever again.

your story isn't over yet.

are you my angel, or my devil?

you're still young. when you're my age, you'll understand.

you never can tell what a child will grow up to be.

i admire you for accepting life as it comes.

you're never coming back, are you?

i'm here. i'm not going anywhere. here is my hand.

is that you, out so early?

we're approaching the end of our necessary small talk.

i've come to ask for your forgiveness.

you're welcome to stay as long as you like.

one day, i might forgive myself.

[amberjazmyn]

oh my god we're having a baby! 🫶

pairing : charles leclerc x fem!reader

summary : all the moments leading up to the birth of baby leclerc 

warnings : mentions of herve leclerc and jules bianchi, pregnancy, happy tears, some dodgy french translations in tiny italicised text, reader has a name (lilia)

a/n : this is for sure a one-shot i'm also going to do for carlos just because i love the idea of c2 as dad's lol - anyways, enjoy my lovers and don't feel shy about putting in a request or a comment

finding out about the pregnancy

lilia leclerc felt like shit. for the last two weeks she had been waking up at the break of dawn, sprinting down the hallway and straight to the bathroom. puking her guts up for an hour only to lose the nausea and disgusting scent and taste of vomit for the rest of the day. thankfully, this had been happening during the summer break so charles wasn't away racing since he was a well-known formula one driver for the scuderia ferrari. 

"...mon ange my angel, are you okay?" charles' morning voice his wife found so attractive came up from behind her

"sorry, did i wake you, bebe baby?" lilia whined, lifting her head up out of the toilet as charles breathed a sigh of relief 

"no, i've been awake for a couple of minutes. are you sure you're okay?" charles lowered himself down to reach his wife, a comforting hand on her back 

"i still feel bad that you're awake, charlie! it's summer break, you should be relaxing! and, honestly, i've been feeling like shit the last two weeks..." lilia trailed off as her eyes widened and it seems as though charles' did as well 

"...two weeks this has been going on? bebe, when was the last time you got your period?" charles asked, remembering that it had now been an entire year since she had her birth control implant removed 

her eyes widened even more, "umm, the last time i got my period?" charles nodded his head, "i...i don't know? i can't remember the last time i had my period..." lilia was now slightly worried that she was now pregnant 

not because she didn't want to be pregnant. of course she did. it was her biggest dream to be a mum. in the same way it was charles' biggest dream to become a dad. however, with him now as the number one driver for ferrari, she was worried that maybe right now wasn't the right time. they hadn't even been married for a full year yet and the topic of babies hadn't been mentioned since lilia had went to get her birth control implant removed because her and charles were wanting to start the journey of trying for kids. however, during that period, every time lilia missed a period or thought she had morning sickness like right now, all the tests she and charles excitedly took always came back negative. so, they gave up and just decided to stop trying so hard with the hope that maybe, the one time that they weren't trying so hard, that they'd get a positive. 

"...bebe, do you still have any pregnancy tests left from months ago?" charles then questioned after silence as lilia nodded her head, the nausea suddenly disappearing in the same way and at the same time like it had been the last two weeks 

"umm, yeah, i think so. they should be in the top shelf next to the basin," lilia sat up more, leaning against the wall, charles taking a proper look at his wife 

and it was clear that like every other day the past two weeks, the nausea was gone and she was no longer pale and sweaty. at this point, there was no other explanation other than lilia being pregnant. in charles mind, this was the worst bout of morning sickness he had ever seen her go through. even during all the negatives when they were actually trying to get pregnant, all the signs and symptoms they thought were because of pregnancy were never at this extreme. 

so, charles grabbed the pregnancy tests and gave them to his wife. only hoping and praying that a miracle would happen. at this point, with charles job being so hectic, it was clear that now he was married, he was beyond ready to start the motions of slowing down and building a life outside of formula one. and, he had already completed the first step by making lilia his wife. now, his next step was making them maman and papa. 

after lilia had taken three of the pregnancy tests, now it was the waiting game for mr and mrs leclerc. and it was agonizing. the waiting was the worst part of it all. charles and lilia were usually patient people however, when it came to waiting for the results of something as life-changing as a pregnancy test, it was brutal and excruciating. they just wanted to know if they were going to be parents or not. it didn't make sense to them that they had to wait an entire three minutes to see if the pregnancy tests had come out as positive or negative. 

and three minutes later, their life was forever changed. with her phone recording every moment of this, the best moment of the video was when it had been captured that all three pregnancy tests had come back positive as well as the reactions of lilia and charles. lilia had unknowingly been pregnant for an entire trimester when she and charles went to visit her ob/gyn just to make sure the positives weren't false later on in the week. 

"...oh my gosh...charles...i'm pregnant!" lilia whispered, her hands shaking as she handed him the three tests that all read positive - the iphone camera still recording

charles' eyes immediately welled with tears as his hand covered his mouth, "je suis tellement heureux! nous allons être parents, chérie!" his voice cracked, tears streaming down his cheeks as he pulled his wife in for a hug i'm so happy! we're going to be parents, darling

not caring that this video of him crying over finding out his wife was pregnant would eventually be made into a youtube video and put on the internet, charles was overjoyed with emotions that he didn't care that he was crying his eyes out. at this point, he was now just waiting for the moment that he could shout this secret out to the world. 

announcing the pregnancy

and thankfully, charles and lilia leclerc wouldn't have to wait too long before they could announce the exciting news for the whole world to see. after doing a cheeky photoshoot with the help of charles' brothers, arthur and lorenzo, the married couple posted the photos to their instagrams in a joint post. using that as their announcement to those that they couldn't tell in person. having only told charles' family as well as lilia's in person. sadly, the rest of the f1 grid, because it was summer break, found out over text in their cheeky little f1 group chat that they have together. but, to fully announce it publically, they decided an instagram post by the both of them would be their best bet. 

liked by arthurleclerc, leclerc_pascale, maxverstappen1, scuderiaferrari, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 12,000k others

charlesleclerc and lilialeclerc well, how has your summer break been everyone? this has been ours, the leclerc's continue to grow 

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arthurleclerc do you know how hard it's been to keep this secret for? 

charlesleclerc arthurleclerc how do you think i feel? 

leclerc_pascale my babies are having babies! 

lilialeclerc leclerc_pascale we love you maman, we can't wait for baby leclerc to meet her grand-mère

maxverstappen1 congratulations you two! you'll be amazing parents! 

lilialeclerc maxverstappen1 thank you maxie! we cannot wait!

scuderiaferrari cannot wait to meet the little leclerc! making all the baby ferrari merch as we speak

lilialeclerc scuderiaferrari and we'll be the first to purchase the merch!

carlossainz55 congratulations, baby leclerc will be the most spoilt baby in the world! 

lilialeclerc carlossainz55 thank you carlitos! and yes she will and we cannot wait to shower her with all of it

pierregasly congratulations to you guys! i call being godfather! 

lilialeclerc pierregasly thank you pierre and don't be announcing things too early!

finding out the gender of the baby

the next exciting milestone for baby leclerc after announcing the news was finding out the gender. even though charles and lilia wanted to wait until birth so it could be a surprise, which is what they had told the technician at their last appointment and she respected that. but, it was at their most recent appointment that when it was offered to tell them the gender, that they couldn't wait any longer. they just had to be told now that the ob/gyn had mentioned it that she could absolutely tell them the gender of their baby if they had changed their minds about waiting until the birth. 

"...lilia and charles, from the looks of these scans, baby looks amazing which is always what we want to hear. and now because it's gotten to the point where we are absolutely confident about the gender, if you guys have changed your mind and no longer want to wait until birth, would you like me to tell you guys the gender of your baby?" the ob/gyn asked, her smile bright and her voice soft and calm 

with her head trying to look over at the ultrasound screen so she could see the baby, it was clear that the husband and wife were done with waiting and were wanting to know the gender of their baby. 

"i know we said we wanted to wait but, is it okay if we get told the gender? i don't think we can wait any longer!" lilia giggled in embarrassment, her face flushing a sweet pink colour as the technician nods her head and smiles back 

"*giggles* i can absolutely do that for you, lilia and charles! so many mums, first time ones especially, think they have the patience when it comes to knowing their baby's gender but they never do. so, this happens majority of the time however, i think by the time you get to your second or third, you become more comfortable with having the patience to wait until the birth to find out the gender," the techncian giggles which causes lilia and charles to giggle as well 

their 'guilt' of not being patient enough dwindles away quickly for the leclercs as the technician quickly prints out two pieces of paper. one that shows the gender of the baby on a printed out ultrasound photo and another one that has the colour to indicate if the baby is a boy or a girl.

but, before giving them the documentation and the little coloured square, she tells them, "so, if you just look here, at the screen, lilia and charles, i am happy to announce that you guys are having a baby girl..." the technican announces, a soft smile covering her face as she notices the tears that had welled up in the eyes of charles had made their way down his cheeks, lilia's face not too far away from being identical to her husbands 

"...oh wow..." charles' voice breaks, his lips trembling and his shaky hand that wasn't squeezing his wife's shoulder was over his mouth to cover his shaking smile that took over his entire face

lilia could only smile at how emotional her husband was getting at the news of them having a baby girl. however, if she had looked at the image on the ultrasound screen of their baby girl, she too would have cried the same exact way as charles currently was. 

"...oh, bébé, ne pleure pas. c'est bon!" lilia giggled, her voice lightly emotional as she brushed her hand against charles' chin as his tears weren't stopping, the ob/gyn now out of the room oh, baby, don't cry! it's okay

"j'essaye mais je ne peux pas m'arrêter de pleurer!" the husband and wife giggled, charles' tears really weren't stopping, even with the amount of tissues lilia had given to him in an effort to stop them i'm trying but i can't stop crying

finally, five minutes later, charles's tears did eventually stop and after notifying their ob/gyn, lilia got cleaned up from the gel that was used for the ultrasound and after getting some additional information about when their next appointment was, their current appointment was finished. and then they were allowed to leave their appointment with an extra exciting piece of news that their baby leclerc was a girl. now all they had to do was announce in some sort of other interesting way that they were having a little girl. and, the way they did that was with a gender reveal cake that they had done together. since lilia's mum and sister were bakers, she asked them to make the cake, telling them it was a girl which was a very sweet moment. 

then, announcing it to everyone else, with that cake, charles and lilia with their two plastic wine glasses, dug them into the cake and out to reveal the pink buttercream icing that was in the middle of the all white loveheart cake. 

liked by francisca.cgomes, maxverstappen1, leclerc_pascale, kellypiquet, pierregasly, carlossainz55 and 21k

charlesleclerc and lilialeclerc baby leclerc is a girl 🩷

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francisca.cgomes i'm still crying! baby girl is going to be so loved and spoilt by her aunty kika! 

lilialeclerc francisca.cgomes don't cry you'll make me cry! baby girl loves her aunty kika already!

maxverstappen1 baby leclerc's now going to be even more spoilt 🩷

lilialeclerc maxverstappen1 of course she is! wouldn't expect anything less from her uncle maxie!

leclerc_pascale cannot wait to meet my first granddaughter 🩷

lilialeclerc leclerc_pascale she can't wait to meet you either, maman 🩷

kellypiquet having a baby girl is wonderful! you guys will be amazing girl parents 🩷

lilialeclerc kellypiquet we truly cannot wait, kelly! 

pierregasly this little girl is blessed with the best parents and aunties and uncles! 

charlesleclerc pierregasly you just made lilia cry! 

carlossainz55 charles as a girl dad is for sure what i expected 🩷

charlesleclerc carlossainz55 another comment that has made my beautiful pregnant wife cry

the birth of baby leclerc

since finding out the gender and before lilia went into labour, it was coming to the end of the summer break before the season started back up again. and because lilia was pregnant, it had felt like summer break had just come and gone by the click of a finger when really, to the other wags and drivers, it felt like the summer break had started to drag on towards the end. but, because lilia wasn't too far away from giving birth, fred vassuer, ferrari's team principal, had actually very sweetly, given charles early paternal leave so he could at least be in monaco when lilia gives birth. which meant that ollie bearman, the reserve driver for ferrari who was still driving for f2 was once again brought in after he had his debut whilst carlos had his appendix taken out at the beginning of the season. however, all the drivers had kept the leclerc's in the loop about what was going on and how midseason training had been progressing since charles had been exempt from that as well since lilia was so far along that it was now a matter of when not if to the date of her falling into labour during the first week back of the season. 

and it seemed as though no one was more ready for the day that lilia fell into labour then charles. it had been a quite slow, lazy day for the family of two until it had become obvious that they were now hours from becoming a family of three. 

lilia had been feeling as though the little baby had dropped even lower in her womb as though the little girl was ready to be welcomed into the world. however, it wasn't until she tried to move herself off of the exercise ball and her waters broke that she realised it was finally time for the baby to be born! 

"...charles...i think my waters just broke..." lilia's voice came out as shaky and it was the first time she had sounded so scared, her eyes huge and frightened at her husband who shot up from his spot on the kitchen counter 

"...okay...it's okay bebe, just breathe alright? we'll be fine, we know what we're doing, i'm here, you're here! everything that we need is in the car so all we now need to do is get ourselves into the car and down to the hospital! just keep on breathing baby, you are doing perfectly well!" charles' voice came out as strong, confident and completely sure of himself and what he was doing 

it broke his heart to see the tough exterior that his wife had put up throughout her entire pregnancy finally falter at the exact moment of her waters breaking. whilst it wasn't obvious to everyone, not even fully obvious to charles since she wasn't one to let anyone know, but it was clear to charles just from this interaction as they got into their car to drive to the hospital, that lilia was utterly terrified to actually get to this stage of the pregnancy and give birth. everyone that knew lilia knew she hated showing fear but, if she was to show fear about any place or anything, it was the hospital. to her, the hospital meant bad things. to her, the hospital meant death and despair. because for lilia, every time she had been in a hospital, it ended with her on the sterile floor in hysterics because someone she loved had died. 

with charles' strength and confidence on the way to the hospital that everything was going to be okay, it was clear that that strength wasn't going to stay for the entire duration of the labour and delivery of their little girl. because, like every other to be father before him, charles was always confused why so many new fathers would be crying whilst watching their wife/significant other give birth. it made sense if their partner was crying since it was them doing all the hard work of growing the baby for nine months and then giving birth to the baby. however, what charles was yet to realise was the reason why the new fathers would be so emotional. it wasn't a lie that it made charles upset to see his wife in so much pain. it was agonizing for charles whenever he had to bear witness to his wife being in pain or in tears. however, he didn't realise just how upset he would be to see his wife in the excruciating pain that she went through whilst giving birth to their baby girl. 

from the very beginning of the leclerc's arriving at the hospital in monte-carlo, it was obvious that this labour wasn't going to be an easy simple one. it was going to take hours and it was going to be painful and excrucitating. at first, they had hoped that lilia would be able to have a natural birth however, it had been discovered quite quickly that a natural birth was not going to be happening. so, they had to unfortunately induce lilia and have the baby delivered via c-section and the entire time, charles had to watch helplessly whilst his wife was put under, having no clue what was going on and that their little girl had been born. 

the entire time that his and lilia's little girl had been delivered via induced c-section, charles was inconsolable. he was crying more than he was the last time they had an appointment about baby leclerc. the midwifes and other doctors and nurses that were in charge of taking care of his wife could tell just how much agony and grief this entire situation had put charles through but they couldn't do anything more than offer him comforting words and comforting hugs whilst they assured him that both his baby and his wife were fine and that as soon as baby was out, that lilia would be taken out of the induction and would be woken up again. 

however, those words of comfort and sweet hugs only did so much. it wasn't until the cries of his little baby girl and of his wife were heard, announcing to the world that both baby and mum were okay that charles would finally breathe. now the tears pouring down his cheeks weren't tears of agony, fear and grief but of relief and utmost joy that he was finally a dad to the most gorgeous looking baby he had ever locked eyes with. 

with his head resting against the hospital bed, his hand tangled in lilia's hair and the other one hovering over the back of their little girl, charles was in heaven. he finally understood why new fathers got so emotional when their partners gave birth to their children. it all made sense to him now that it had happened to him. not only were the tears there because it was excruciating watching his wife in so much pain but also because it now settled in that he was now a father himself. the tears no longer tears of grief and agony but of pure happiness and joy. he was now the parent of this little miracle that was laying atop her mother's body, their breathing intertwining into one whilst charles kept his focus on his two girls. tears still streaming down his cheeks, quietly this time, the sobs no longer present as he was now as calm as the little girl that was fast asleep on the body of her mother. 

finally, lilia spoke up in their native french, whispering, "...même si j'aime le calme, nous devons choisir un nom pour notre petite fille, char..." the look on his wife's face as she said that was never going to leave charles' mind as he smiled at her as much as i love the quiet, we need to choose a name for our little girl, char

"...et juliette marie antoinette harriett leclerc? jules pour faire court?" charles whispered back, his voice sounding light like a feather as lilia smiled at the name choice what about juliette marie antoinette harriett leclerc? jules for short

"juliette marie antoinette harriet leclerc...c'est un personnage parfait." lilia smiled sweetly, her lips kissing his cheek, not able to reach his forehead due to the way she was inclined in the hospital bed juliette marie antoinette harriet leclerc...it's perfect char

wiping away one of many tears from her husband's cheeks, she then picked up little jules and wordlessly gestured if he wanted to hold their little girl. since he still hadn't done that yet since there was so many things going on that he hadn't yet had the chance to even get his first skin to skin with his daughter yet. 

"tu veux tenir jules, char?" lilia questioned, her voice getting tired as charles didn't hesitate in nodding his head you want to hold jules, char

and magically, as if lilia's midwife had powers of some sort, just as the husband and wife were getting ready to do the safe handover of baby jules from mum to dad, the midwife entered the hospital room. 

"mum, dad? sorry to bother you but, there are some guests that are itching to meet the little one...but, first, does dad want to hold her and does the little one have a name?" the midwife, emilia, smiled, slowly walking into the room and closing the door behind her as the new parents smiled up at the health professional 

"hey, you aren't bothering us at all, emilia, and we'd love to have the guests come in but, yeah, charles is wanting to hold her since he wasn't able to earlier because of everything that had happened. and, yeah, we have actually just finished up the name conversation, little leclerc finally has a name," lilia giggled as emilia smiled, walking over to the computer so she could input the name into the birth certificate that was to be printed out 

"amazing! i'll let the guests in soon after we give daddy and baby some skin to skin which i'll help with so, no worries there. but, now that you've mentioned that you've got a name for the little one, i'll be happy to hear it!" emilia smiled excitedly with a cheeky giggle as they quickly decided that inputting the name first would be the better option and then have emilia show and help charles in holding their little girl

 "thank you, emilia! and baby's name is juliette marie antoinette harriett leclerc," lilia announces as emilia's face scrunches up, a hand on her heart as she types it out on the birth certificate 

"any meaning behind the adorable name?" emilia asks as she finishes typing before sending it off to the receptionist printer 

"juliette for charles' godfather jules bianchi, marie because it was my mum's name, antoinette for one of charles friends who we lost during an f2 race, anthoine hubert and harriett is what we're saying the female version of charles' dad, herve who sadly has also passed away," lilia explained as charles nodded his head, the joy in his eyes not going way even at the mention of the fact that every single name of his daughter was in tribute of someone he's lost in his life, with the exemption of lilia's mother, marie

emilia smiled softly, "that's a perfect name and i'm sure jules, marie, anthoine and herve are bursting at the seams with joy from wherever it is they are watching from. baby jules is going to be so protected. well, the birth certificate has now been sent for printing at the receptionist printer but whilst we wait for that, lilia if you could give me juliette, i'll now be able to assist charles in his first skin to skin with her," emilia moves away from the computer and to lilia's bed and without hesitation, lilia happily hands baby juliette over to her 

emilia then holds baby juliette easily as she waits for charles to take off his shirt and figure out whether or not he's comfortable to stand for his first hold of his baby or if he'd feel more comfortable sitting down. deciding to sit down first, just to be safe, emilia easily hands baby juliette over to her daddy and instantly, baby juliette just curls into her dad's body with ease. as though she was her dad's missing piece. holding his baby girl felt like heaven and earth had finally joined together like a jigsaw piece. because he never imagined he'd have this moment. to charles, having a baby was a heavenly thought, a dream, that he thought he'd never get in his life because he was so focused on his job with formula one. however, for charles, formula one no longer felt like his only purpose in life. his new purpose in life was now this little baby girl, little juliette, that was sleeping soundly in his arms as tears rolled down his cheeks. it seemed as though charles' tears would overflow the hospital because it seemed as though ever since arriving at the hospital, he hadn't stopped crying. and of course, with the help of emilia, charles and lilia were able to have photographical and video evidence of just how emotional charles had been the entire time. but, it wasn't something that charles was ashamed of. how could he when all this emotion was all due to this beautiful little girl that rested on his bare chest, his wife who had just given him this heavenly gift of their little girl, meters in front of him.

then, it was time for the rest of the family to meet little leclerc. the grandparents had already met little juliette and when lilia and charles told them, especially pascale, juliette's name, it was obvious just how meaningful her name was to them. however, those weren't the guests that emilia was referring to earlier. the guests that she was referring to was charles' f1 teammates. they had all been buzzing with every emotion under the sun as they waited for the moment them to finally get permission to meet their niece. 

f1 grid meeting baby juliette

charles was still having skin to skin time when emilia had allowed in the first influx of f1 drivers in the room to meet the little baby. with the permission of lilia and charles of course, the first group to meet baby juliette was pierre, carlos and max. their girlfriends francisca, rebecca and kelly had also joined in but were at the hospital bed next to lilia whilst the guys had gone straight over to charles before coming back to congratulate lilia as well. 

"...hey guys, come in!" charles whispered, lilia's face lighting up as she saw who it was that had walked in as he stood up, juliette still asleep in his arms 

max, pierre, carlos and the girls' faces all softened when they made eye contact with the newest arrival to the f1 family. all the emotions suddenly coming up, moreso from the girlfriends then the drivers. 

max being the most comfortable and composed one to speak up, "oh my gosh, charles, lilia, she's gorgeous and so tiny! what's her name?" he questioned, his eyes showing an emotion that was very rare to be seen by anyone as charles smiled at his childhood friend 

"thank you max, thanks guys! her name is juliette marie antoinette harriett leclerc," charles smiled, his voice still shaky from the tears he had finally stopped crying

at hearing the name of the little girl, the room fell into a silence, so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. the looks on the faces of each of the drivers and their girlfriends were immediately the same as the faces made by the leclerc's when they had been told the name of little juliette. it was obvious to lilia, from one look at the drivers, pierre specifically, that those middle names, especially antoinette for him, was more meaningful than anything else. 

"that's a gorgeous name you two. and she suits the name as well." max whispers as his head tilts as he looks at the sleeping newborn, his finger lightly brushing her forehead as she smiles at the touch 

the drivers and girlfriends all look at one another after that touch. it seemed as though from that touch and smile response that juliette and uncle max were going to have a special bond. however, whilst that would be true, it wasn't until carlos came over, lightly brushing his lips against her forhead that she woke up. her eyes locking with carlos' and smiling at him. 

that very moment, charles and lilia knew that they had to have carlos as juliette's godfather. which was another thing that because of the whirlwind of emotions, the husband and wife had forgotten to discuss. however, it seemed as though it didn't need a discussion because it seemed like baby juliette knew for herself that uncle carlos was also going to be her godfather. with maybe uncle max as godfather number two or the godfather to her future sibling. 

whilst you'd think there would be a lot of talking between the group of nine, there really wasn't. it was a calm and serene quiet as each of the drivers and their girlfriends got to quickly hold little juliette with charles taking photos of each of them with their little niece. however, the one that they wanted to be printed out was carlos'. they wanted to announce to him, once they had gotten everyone else out of the room, that he was juliette's godfather. 

godfather carlos

saying their final goodbyes, the group of six drivers and girlfriends were now leaving charles, lilia and juliette, thinking that another group of drivers was going to be allowed in to meet little juliette. however, just before carlos could leave with rebecca, lilia and charles stopped him before he was fully out the door. 

"...carlos...wait, can you stay, for a minute? we want to ask you something..." lilia calls out, just before carlos could leave 

nodding to them, he then lets the other five know that he'll catch up with them later. giving a quick hand squeeze and kiss to rebecca, he then walks back into the room and closes the door behind him. 

"...yeah, i can stay, is everything okay? what do you want to ask me?" he questions as he notices charles and lilia, it was as though they were communicating with each other without speaking 

they then look back over at carlos and they ask him to sit down, which he does. now that he was seated, charles and lilia felt more comfortable telling him just in case he fainted or his legs turned into jelly. charles then asked if carlos wanted to once again, hold juliette, he accepted of course and holding her ever so carefully, waited patiently for what lilia and charles were going to ask him. 

"everything's perfectly fine, carlos, we just wanted to ask if you wanted to be juliette's godfather..." lilia asked softly as carlos' eyes widened as his grip on juliette tightened slightly but not too much to cause concern 

"...are you serious?" carlos' voice shook, his emotions now coming out now that it was just the three of them plus juliette - carlos not really one to cry in front of a lot of people 

"we're dead serious, carlos. you saw the way juliette seemed to latch onto you seconds after she did similar to max. we did think of making max maybe godfather number two *giggles* however, i think we'll make him godfather to baby two when we decide to have baby number two. but, right now, we seriously think that you're the right choice for juliette's godfather and we know we can trust you fully with her if anything god forbid was to happen to us before she's old enough..." lilia assured as carlos' eyes became watery and his lips started to quiver 

charles and lilia became a little worried when he didn't respond for a little bit. carlos' head had dipped down to rest on juliette's (which, in all honesty, nearly made charles and lilia cry at how sweet it was and before either forgot, they made sure to capture a quick photo) as his body started shaking. it had now become clear to the husband and wife that the simple question of them wanting carlos as juliette's godfather had hit an emotional chord for the spaniard and it also struck an emotional chord with them. 

sniffling, carlos finally lifted his head up and nodded his head, "...i'd be honoured to be juliette's godfather you two! i promise i won't let anything bad happen to juliette for as long as i am able to," carlos sniffled, his tears hitting his shoulder as his head was resting there in a bid to not get any of his tears on his goddaughter 

and seeing that image was priceless for charles and lilia. they both adored carlos and they really treasured their friendship with the spaniard. i think the reason why carlos was so emotional was because of everything with him leaving ferrari at the end of this season was now starting to hit him. and now that halfway through his final season with his teammate and with ferrari, the kid decides to have a baby himself, it made him even more emotional because he thought he'd never get a proper relationship with little leclerc because of his departure from ferrari. however, no matter where carlos would be in f1, whether that was alpine, mercedes, audi, charles and lilia would always look for him first when it comes to juliette. the baby now born before the end of their last season together. now it made sense why carlos had been so quiet when he had first come in to meet the baby with pierre, max, kika, kelly and rebecca. carlos was holding back all of this pent up emotions that were now coming out when asking him to be godfather. 

"we trust you carlitos. that's why we asked you. and it doesn't matter that you're leaving ferrari at the end of the season. no matter where you end up on the grid, whether it's mercedes, alpine, audi, we will always and we mean always look for you first when it comes to juliette. we love you carlos and you leaving ferrari doesn't change that. we really want you in our lives after this and that means you being a vital part of juliette's life!" lilia was adamant in getting carlos to believe that they really wanted him as their baby's godfather 

and, it finally seemed to be working. nodding his head and wiping away his tears, carlos held juliette ever so securely as he allowed the two parents to take more photos of them together. 

because, after that, it would be the announcement that everyone that was all caught up in the bubble of the birth of baby leclerc was hanging for. the announcement that baby leclerc has been born and introduced into the world. so, that's what they did. 

announcing baby juliette

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charlesleclerc and lilialeclerc introducing juliette marie antoinette harriett leclerc 🩷

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leclerc_pascale parfaite petite juliette 🩷 perfect little juliette

arthurleclerc juliette is perfect you two 🩷

maxverstappen1 uncle maxie loves you juliette. she's beautiful you guys🩷

kellypiquet the sweetest baby girl ever! you'll be beautiful parents 

carlossainz55 godfather carlos loves you, juliette, forever and ever🩷

pierregasly i've only just finished crying, mon dieu my god

scuderiaferrari isn't she just a precious little thing? can't wait to meet little juliette 

landonorris she's gorgeous, i'm actually going to cry when i meet her! 

francisca.cgomes i still can't get over her name! it's so beautiful 🩷

forzacarlos oh my gosh, juliette's name is all in tribute to those the leclerc's have lost! jules, herve, marie (lilia's mum) and anthoine, i can't i'm actually sobbing! 

fewarrifwends forzacarlos oh my gosh, you're right! that's actually so sweet and now i'm crying too! 

fin

this was a completely different format than i normally do but honestly, i love it more than i thought i would! i know i said in the authors note at the beginning that i'd do this for carlos as well but, now i'm actually really considering it because i loved this charles version so much! and, yes, i came up with baby juliette's name all on my own and i'm actually kind of proud of it! i truly do think that whenever charles and (possibly) alex or whoever he's with when that happens, decide to settle down in that regard of having kids, i do think no matter if it's a boy or girl, he'd pay tribute to jules and his dad herve in some type of way. and this was my version of it with the edition of anthoine hurbert and the fictional mother of lilia because i also feel like people forget that charles was also friends with anthoine, not just pierre so, i just wanted to honour that as well in the best way i could. 

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[astrronomemes]

THE SECRET HISTORY: STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 1992 novel The Secret History by Donna Tartt. change & alter as needed.

"I suppose, at one time in my life, I might have had any number of stories, but now there is no other. This is the only story I will ever be able to tell."

"If there's one thing I'm good at, it's lying on my feet. It's a sort of gift I have."

"I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive."

"He can't be all that elitist if he accepted me."

"Well, if he doesn't know, I'm not going to tell him."

"No person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us."

"Bloody, terrible things are sometimes the most beautiful."

"Let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones... then spit us out, reborn."

"I mean to say, [name] is a handsome fellow and a sterling character, but I wouldn't want to marry him, would I?"

"You had better watch out. I've heard some weird shit about those people."

"You're always saying that, [name], but I just don't think it's true."

"[Name], put me down. I'm bleeding all over you."

"You shouldn't push your friends away like that. The best friends you'll ever have are the ones you're making right now."

"I told you, I don't have any friends here."

"I think it's good to change the place where one sleeps from time to time. It gives one more interesting dreams."

"I mean, he's not what you think. Or what [name] thinks, or anybody else. For a while there, he had me fooled but good."

"The appeal to stop being yourself, even for a little while, is very great."

"You're being so nice about this. I feel awfully embarrassed by the whole thing."

"Well, you may or may not know this, but [name] is a little jealous of you."

"Jesus, [name], you know everything. You make me sick."

"They say the same about arsenic, but I wouldn't like to try it."

"Anything I do will be dangerous, you know."

"What do you and [name] need a secret code for?"

"A person can do an awful lot of talking in twelve hours."

"If we keep it as casual as possible, no one will give us a second glance. People don't pay attention to ninety percent of what they see."

"Really, there's nothing to worry about. It seems risky, but if you look at it logically, it couldn't be safer."

"Who do you think [name] would be more apt to believe?"

"Forgive me for being blunt, but if you think you have any influence over [name], you're sadly mistaken. He's not particularly fond of you, and if I may speak plainly, he never has been."

"There were some things you had to know, I suppose, but I feel I've done you a disservice by involving you this far."

"What is unthinkable is undoable."

"Anyway, you want to come to this party?"

"You idiot. Did you know your shirt is on inside out?"

"I had a dream tonight. You were in it."

"I need more than coffee."

"I'm embarrassed that people will think we went to see such bad movies."

"He knows we're lying. He just doesn't know what we're lying about."

"I prefer to think of it as a redistribution of matter."

"These guys will chop you up and put you in a garbage bag for twenty bucks."

"You know, we've done a terrible thing."

"You know, I'm really not attracted to you."

"Anything is grand if it's done on a large enough scale."

"You look as if you were in a barroom brawl."

"People get upset, all of a sudden they want to listen to old hippie garbage they would never listen to if they were in their right mind. When my cat died, I had to go out and borrow all these Simon & Garfunkel records."

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask, what did you do to your eye?"

"Murder is pollution. The murderer defiles everyone he comes into contact with. And the only way to purify blood is through blood."

"You amaze me. You think nothing exists if you can't see it."

"He loved you, too. He would have wanted you to know that. You know that, don't you, dear?"

"Do you think I should go to the hospital?"

"I didn't take anything. You know very well I didn't."

"I would've told them anything if I thought they'd send me home."

"I mean, I've been drinking a bit more than I should. I'm the first to admit that."

"I never brought your name up, man. I hardly fucking know you. But they got it from somewhere. And it wasn't from me."

"Look at [name]. Don't you just love him? If he called me up and asked me to marry him, I would do it in, like, one second."

"Is death really so terrible a thing? It seems terrible to you, because you are young, but who is to say he is not better off now than you are? Or — if death is a journey to another place — that you will not see him again?"

"I'm not taking sides. I just think whatever you're doing, you picked a bad time to do it."

"[Name], it's none of my business, but I hope for God's sake you know what you're doing."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you have to make things so hard for everybody?!"

"You don't feel a great deal of emotion for other people, do you?"

"My life, for the most part, has been very stale and colorless. Dead, I mean. The world has always been an empty place to me."

"I know I said earlier that he was perfect, but he wasn't perfect. Far from it — he could be silly and vain and remote and often cruel, and still, we loved him, in spite of, because."

"Flesh and blood are frail and weak, and there comes a time when we have to transcend our teachers."

"I loved him more than my own father. I loved him more than anyone in the world."

"I don't care what happens to him. I don't care if he dies. I wish he was dead."

"[Name] can't hurt you. You're perfectly safe out here."

"Kidnap is not the word that I would use."

"So, you've come to kill me?"

"If you want to shoot me, [name], go ahead and do it. It'll be the stupidest thing you ever did in your life."

"The stupidest thing I ever did in my life was listening to you."

"I managed to get out of taking my French exams next week, due to the very excellent excuse of having a gunshot wound to the stomach."

"Forgive me, for all the things I did, but mostly for the ones I did not."

"You know, everybody is saying that you're dead."

"Are you happy here?"

[fischyplier]

Misfits and Magic Season 2 Episode 2 "Magma and Mingle": My Thoughts and Analysis

So here are my thoughts on Evan and Sam. Am I the only one that doesn’t see their relationship progressing into romance? I can understand that in this season Brennan and Danielle are having more scenes together. At this point, Evan and Sam's relationship feels platonic to me, but who knows what could happen in the next few episodes. I prefer platonic relationships because they feel more interesting than just romance. Also want to take the time to say, I love and appreciate all the hard work that went into this and every season of D20. Thank you to the crew, the players and Aabria cause misfits and magic has become very near and dear to my heart!

Click below to read more, warning long post:

Anyways, Evan has gone through a LOT of traumatic experiences since childhood and continues to till this day. Evan's body is riddled with scars, broken bones that healed wonky, etc. He got stabbed on a bus at night trying to retrieve a talisman for Boodle 10 months ago. And I would not be surprised if he's been through more but hasn't had the opportunity to tell his friends or elected to say nothing. I can't help but to read too deeply into the quote "dream small". Is it cause I feel that Evan has learned to dream small in order to not get his hopes and expectations too high? Just a theory... A game theory! I'm sorry.

After 3 years of no contact the pilot project are back! But they haven't really had the time to sit down and catch up. In the video below, Sam says "I feel like there's a lot of things that when we talk you don't tell me." Which kinda leads me to believe, Evan doesn't want to worry his friends so he bottles up his feelings and doesn't open up. And when he does it's always with a smile and jokes to mask the hurt. He isn't just sad, he feels like a burden and tries to not take up space. I can really relate to this.

Even Brennan says Evan is in deep pain. The breakup he went through didn't help but there is more under the surface we as the audience still don't truly know. The experiences of being a lonely unhoused teen is the reason why Brennan chose "belonging" as Evan's ideal track. Because that is the one thing he's been deprived off, humans are social creatures and need to interact with others. What happens to a developing brain when that is taken away? When all you know is your shadow, loneliness and hunger? So when his friend says we can talk, he takes that as a serious invitation. Evan now surrounded by friends wants to do everything in his power to protect those he loves. He doesn't expect it to be reciprocal. You can see that when he says "if I've ever done a bad job about being here for you, I'm always here for you" after Sam says we can talk. When Brennan tears up with that incredible delivery of "I missed you"... I keep rewatching that part! Evan is always on the go, needs to be prepared, needs to be ready when shit hits the fan. Sam has created a safe place where he doesn't need to be hypervigilant and can relax, maybe open up and be a little vulnerable.

Sam is rightfully concerned that something deeper and terrible is going on with Evan.

When Evan continues kicking a half dead Salamander that isn't a threat to any of his friends, a darkness in him wants to kick it mercilessly for pure enjoyment. That even his eyes turns black. The first thing Sam does when she sees this is to attempt to drench it in water like Jammer did. Cause she said that this has become "unnecessarily dark" and that "this is freaking her out". That she'll even resort to spitting on the creature if it means that Evan will stop kicking that crap out of it. The water cools and stops the creature. Sam is a great friend that sees Evan do something twisted and wants to help so desperately. You do not have to be falling in love with someone to do the right thing! I still think they should just be friends.

I love that in this season we can really see their friendship blossom and not just be surface level chit chat. As they get closer hopefully they can help each other in ways they really need. In the preview for the next episode Evan says, "I don't see you the way you are afraid people see you." Sometimes it takes someone outside of your point of view to see aspects of yourself you are too close to see. And I think that's beautiful.

That leads into my next point, no I don't think the progressing of their relationship means that romance is in the air. I can't remember where I read it but another person said it best, intimacy doesn't mean romance. You can get close to someone, be a shoulder to cry on and depend on without developing feelings. You can love and respect your friend and keep it at that level but develop on that intimacy of a great friendship. I feel like it made the most sense for these two to get closer in this season because they have more in common now. Before it was just the fact that they were students learning magic at Gowpenny and being NAMPS (non magical person or let's be serious MUGGLES!). But now Evan and Sam have both underwent break ups and that's something they can really connect on. I really hope they don't get together right after cause that sounds like a rebound and to me, story wise pretty boring. And in my honest opinion, jumping into another relationship right after being with K is a little too soon. Evan needs a friend not a lover, at least for the time being. He needs to keep his inner darkness and insecurities in check. That or a therapist.

Hopefully this doesn't age like milk, and if they do get together I guess I'm wrong! :3

Thank you if you read till the very end, here is a gif of Brennan giving you a thumbs up!

Why? Cause you are pretty cool!

Please consider liking or reblogging this post if you liked what you read. And I'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode and if I should continue!

[sunarots]

so high school ━━━ atsumu miya

16. pretend ♡

tw. self loathing. if anyone would like a summary of the chapter, let me know and i’ll put a wee note in the comments with a summary for you all. take care of yourselves <3

Atsumu kicks his shoes towards the rack at the door, tuning out the complaints from Sakusa two steps behind about the condition of the locker rooms. "Oi, I get it, I'll stop leaving my dirty towels in my locker. Ya happy?"

"That's not the point, that's the same towel you've been using there for a week."

"I've only had two showers there this week, so what? Everyone reuses their towels. Right, Koutarou?"

He lifts his head from his phone, parting his lips to try think of a response. "Yeah, I reuse my towels sometimes."

Atsumu lifts his arms, turning around to face Sakusa. "See? Everyone does. Yer the weird one, not me." He flashes him a smug smile before retreating to his room, pushing his hair back from his face.

He drops his rucksack on the floor by his door, using his foot to nudge it shut. It was a long day at practice, even though most of it went smoothly and there were no big arguments, all he could focus on was the pain lingering in his arms and back. Just as he was about to sit on his bed, maybe get in a quick nap before ordering dinner for everyone, a hefty thud came from the room across from his.

Atsumu furrows his eyebrows, turning towards his shut door. What the hell was that? It came from your room, and he knew it wasn't from something falling over. One of the hinges on your easel broke, and even that collapsing was barely heard through the thick walls.

Did you fall? You did mention that you were thinking of painting the walls, the landlord has no issues with redecorating as long as it's nothing offensive. What if you're hurt?

Despite the temptation to crawl into bed and pretend he'd passed out the second he came in, he pulls open his door and walks across the hall to your room. He leans towards the door, listening carefully for any movement. He raps his knuckles against it and doesn't wait for a response to open it. "Hey, y/n, is everything okay?"

He scans your room, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion until he finally spots you. You're sat on the rug by your bed, eyes fixed on your rapidly buzzing phone, face down on the wood by Atsumu's feet. He bends down to pick it up, carefully setting it on your desk without looking at the screen.

"What happened?"

You look up at him from your spot on the floor, eyes flicking to your phone and silently praying the screen was still mostly intact. You watch him slowly close your bedroom door, sitting down with his back pressed against the wall behind him. He waits patiently for you to start speaking, not trying to rush you.

"Have you always wanted to play volleyball professionally? Did you ever have any other dreams growing up?" You lift your head to look at him, trying to keep yourself calm. Your heart is beating way too fast for your liking, still hot with rage.

Without taking time to think about your question, Atsumu shakes his head. "Nah, I've always wanted to play volleyball. Especially professionally. It'd be a waste of talent if I just sat around on my ass all day doing taxes."

You can't help but laugh at him. "Yeah, I should have guessed that..."

"Why'd ya ask?" He watches you shift uncomfortably, furrowing your eyebrows as you try to find the words.

You take in a deep breath, swallowing your tears. "All I've ever wanted to do, was art. I only applied to art schools, and I always got in. And now... For what? I can't even sell my best artwork. Nowhere will hire me. Twenty years wasted on my dream."

"Wasted? Y/n, yer in a lull. This shit happens sometimes. Before I got accepted into the Jackals, I was working with my brother and leeching off him for ages. I paid him back by helping him sort out his restaurant. Almost a year. Ya just moved here, don't worry. Yer gonna get work, ya just need to find yer footing."

Your eyes drift down to your lap, running your fingers along the hem of your t-shirt, taking in a few deep breaths to calm yourself. You try to subtly wipe the tears from your eyes.

"What happened? Ya don't have to tell me, but ya can."

"Kageyama. He, uh, he started shit talking you. I tried to defend you, he wasn't having it. He said that you were going to fuck me over, and then I tried to defend you by pointing out that my reputation got dragged through the mud, not yours. And when I told him I was stressed, he tried to argue that we're all stressed and they don't complain about it."

You shake your head, looking up to your phone. It's still buzzing with new messages, everyone messaging you separately to ensure you're okay.

"It's just, I don't have a job. I have zero income. I have twenty thousand yen in my bank account, and that's the last of my money. I have four friends, who live in another city — half of them live on the other side of the fucking world! My support system here is you. And we're not even really fucking dating, I can't confide in you like I can the others."

Atsumu furrows his eyebrows, lips parting as he repeated your words in his head. "Why not? I'm here."

You post you lips to speak, but no words come out. A laugh escapes instead. “I don’t even know. It’s weird, I guess. I just don’t want to put all my problems on you.”

Atsumu pauses, sighing and shifting closer to you so his back was pressed against the bed. “Yer not dumping yer problems on me. I’m yer pretend boyfriend.”

Sighing, you shake your head. “But that’s just it, you’re my pretend boyfriend. I’m using you for so much. I’m living here for free, I don’t chip in for food or groceries. And I’m using you to maintain my reputation. God, I’m so…” trailing off, you rise to your feet and grab your phone from your desk. You scan over the screen, not too badly damaged, and then start looking at the messages that are flooding your notifications.

None are from Kageyama.

“Yer not leeching off us, okay? And I was the one to suggest we fake date in the first place. I’m honoured to be yer pretend boyfriend.” He uses your bed to help him get up off the floor, offering you a smile. “Is there anything I can do to help ya?”

You shake your head, looking up from your phone screen. “No. No, it’s okay. Thank you for listening, though. It means a lot.”

“Are ya sure?” Atsumu scans over your expression, trying to get a read over how you feel.

Swallowing your feelings, you smile up at him. “I’m sure.”

masterlist. previous | next

summary. after your best friend reveals he’s moving out of your shared flat, you’re presented with a tough choice: let one of the creeps who are begging you to let them move in with you, or find a cheaper flat in another area of town. a do-over couldn’t have come at a better time for you, but your only option for a place to stay is with someone your best friend knew from high school, and his two teammates.

taglist (open!). @reignsaway @yuminako @thiisisntlovely @diorzs @aboutkiyoomi @spicana @bakingcuriosity @kr1nqu @savemebrazilhinata @dazqa @sereniteav @beckxisxinxlovexwithxjin @sleezzsister @hermaeusmorax @giocriedpower @sophosphorescent @gigiiiiislife @zazathezaer @rrosiitas @iaminyourfloors @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @sillygooseymood @ellouisa17 @wakashudou @punkhazardlaw @arminswife12

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Shells

Chapter Five

Kim Hongjoong x fem reader

a/n: i know i said DJANGO chap two would be next but i've wrote over five thousand words for it and lost the train of thought and wraaaaa 😭 a/n2: EVERYBODY STAY CALM OKAY EVERYBODY STAY CAAAAALM I COULDNT HOLD MYSELF BACK ANYMORE OKAY IM SORRRRY

"For now, he's content to just press his body onto yours and cage you in the nest he made just for you."

Shells Masterlist

✫彡wordcount: 2.7k

♡'･ᴗ･'♡(✯◡✯)genre: yandere, fantasy, smut w/plot

ಠ_ಠwarning/contents(chapter specific): wet dreams, masturbation, mutual masterbation(?), somnophilia technically, no actual smut, more plot development mwhahaha

Shells tags: @ddaeing @the-flavour-of-deaths-ass @wnewoo @catwhisk @silentcry329 @dear-dreamie @atinycafe @is4b3ll3s s @stvrfir3

MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI

The nest is so warm. It feels safe as the thunder rumbles seemingly nonstop. His arms are wrapped around you tightly and squeezing you close protectively as he hears your heart thud in your chest. "Are you scared of the storm, My Precious?"

      A soft nod is his only response, a whimper pressing past your lips as a particularly loud crack of thunder echoes in the cave. "Don't worry, Joongie will protect you." His hand softly rub your stomach and trail down to your bare thighs.

    When did you take your clothes off?

      His hands are so warm and calming as he caresses every inch of skin he can reach before one finally lands on your epicenter. He cups your heat warmly and moans into your ear as he grinds onto your hip, whispering obscenities about how well you'll take his cock one day soon.

     He kneads your plush flesh in his hand for a moment, seemingly basking in the feeling of your juices wetting his palm before he pulls away and crawls down your body, his eyes trained to you like the predator that he is- shining darkly as his scales flush a bright red that rivals his hair. "Will you let me?" He croons deeply as he comes face to face with your wetness.

    "Mmm please, Joongie," your soft moan wakes him with a start, eyes flicking black as he searches the den for any potential danger.

     "Precious? Are you quite alright?" He whispers as he curls closer to you, feeling your head and frowning deeply as he feels your heated skin.

   Is your fever back so soon? It's been three days since your first dosage and you've been fine. Why all of the sudden should you be s-

    "Nngh," another moan stops all of his movements, frozen like a statue as he catches a glimpse of your hips rolling subconsciously. He backs up and off of your body, forcing himself to ignore the small whimper that leaves you as he heat disappears.

    You've got his, and now your, favorite blanket balled up and pressed between your thighs, moving your hips lazily for any kind of friction. "Like that," you purr subconsciously, and that's all it takes for all of his blood to rush downwards, a raging hard on in his sleep shorts in a second flat as his eyes flick up to your blissfully unaware face.

    Your jaw is slightly agape, eyebrows furrowed together as you hump your hips upward clumsily.

     "Oh sweet Huntress," he curses under his breath, slapping a hand over his mouth to cover any noises you may have caught over the storm outside.

   He backs away further, pressing himself to the cool rock wall. He doesn't want you to wake up and think he was the cause of whatever clearly wet dream you're having. And, Gods, is it wet.

     His blackened eyes are trained on the small patch that you rub your core on over and over. You've soaked through the shorts that he made for you to sleep in and are smearing your eagerness on his blanket with continued soft moans trilling off of your tongue.

     He's just about to get up to relieve his hardness elsewhere for your own modesty, knowing full well you can't control this dream your having and knowing even more that if you ever ever knew he had jacked off beside you that he would never so much as get an innocent smile thrown his way.

   But then?

   "Oh, Joongie," it trails off your lips and causes a pang of arousal to hit his gut roughly, biting into his hand with his own sharp teeth as his tip leaks into his shorts.

    Is this his own dream. His mate having a wet dream about him is his wet dream? There's no way. No way.

    "Fuck harder, Hong," you slur and stammer in your sleep, and he has to free himself of his fabrics immediately. Gone is any of his modesty or care for yours. If you're having a wet dream about him, he can just say he had one about you. That's what he's making himself believe is happening even.

     The electric spark he feels when you roll and hike your knee up on his thigh assures him that it's real, however. That he, in fact, is not having the best dream of his life.

    But he chooses to ignore that as he slowly strokes his girth. You look so delicate and beautiful as you smoosh your head deeper into the nest that smells like your mate. He matches his strokes to the way your hips swirl and grind as deep into the balled up blanket as possible. Your body must still be processing his bite too fast. Your horniness is exactly what he was feeling since he bit you, and what he would expect of you in a few weeks if you had been taking his bite normally.

    But he isn't complaining, he's thanking the Huntress as one of your hands seeks out his body heat subconsciously and grips onto his thigh, digging your nails into his skin. "Mate," the word that rumbles off your trembling lips nearly has him cumming on the spot. Five days in, and he's never so much as heard you utter the word besides with disgust. But this time- oh this time. It's laced with honey and desperation and a passion he's never heard from you.

     "Mate," he whispers back as he fists his length roughly, biting his lip to hold back the growls he so badly wants to let out, afraid that he'll wake you before either of you have a chance to relieve the build up of intense hormones that come with the bite he left on your neck.

    He feels an immense amount of guilt for watching you in such a vulnerable state without your expressed permission, but he'll be damned if he lets the opportunity slip away. You'll never know, and he'll never tell. But that doesn't stop his from feeling a bit guilty. What does stop him- what washes away all doubt of his actions is when you lay flat on your stomach and reach your hand under yourself, into your shorts.

     The smell of your sweet, sweet aroma finally hits him full force and he paints his stomach white with his own pleasure, a quiet growl that he can't hold back ripping out of his clenched teeth.

     And even in his pleasure induced delirium, he doesn't dare miss the way that your body seizes up and the wet patch in your shorts grows tenfold before you slump to the warmth of the nest and nuzzle his pillow with a delicate whine.

     "Hongjoong," you murmur through you deep breaths, clearly spent from your unconscious release. He tucks himself back into his own shorts and wipes his stomach on a spare piece of fabric before curling up ontop of you and holding you close securely, ignoring the way that he's still hard. It will go away on its own.

     He's taken more than what you would give in your waking state and for now, he's content to just press his body onto yours and cage you in the nest that he made just for you.

-

     You wake with a newfound pep in your step, metaphorically of course: because Hongjoong refuses to get off of his place on your back for a few hours. He trills happily and holds you close tightly, clicking in the language you don't understand.

   Unbeknownst to you, he's confessing his sins with that sickly sweet tone and bright smile that has you holding back a smile of your own. He tells you exactly what happened with a smile on his face even though he feels like collapsing in on himself a tiny bit. Just to get it off of his chest.

    You fail to notice your dried up arousal until you get up and skip to the separate room to relieve your bladder, and then you're staring down at it dumbfounded. The splash of the water outside of the room lets you know he's gone for a bit.

      He told you, thankfully in the language you understand, that he had some matters to attend to with the tribe.

   So you waited for a few minutes to make sure he's truly gone off before you run out in one of your new outfits that he tailored for you in the past days, diving into the nest and shoving your soiled shorts to the bottom of the thick pile of fabrics.

    You also fail to notice that you had shoved it right next to the rag Hongjoong used to clean himself up, copying his exact shameful actions as you tried to hide the evidence of last night's subconscious rendezvous.

     You don't remember exactly what had happened in your dream, but you do remember that it made you want to kiss him when you woke up. And that fact scares you.

So, you distract yourself with the chest of goodies he gifted you on that second day before all hell broke loose. With your ever growing collection of shells, a small knife, and the wires from a discarded ball gown, you sit down by the fire to work: listening to the storm rolling outside.

-

Hongjoong pushes his way all the way to the front of the crowd and up to the small throne, sitting himself down next to the smaller, empty chair.

"Begin." Is all he clicks. And nobody makes a move.

Annoyance is clear on his face as he scans the people, and it's not hard for them to tell that it's because he had to leave you. He's nearly bouncing to get back to your den, and he doesn't try to hide the fact.

"Today!"

One of the lower ranked sirens swims forward and refuses to look up as he communicates in a quiet voice, "Sir, a few of us had heard of your mate's condition. And we were con-"

"Unless you are going to pray for her speedy recovery and wish us luck, I don't want to hear it. Save your breath."

"Sir, we heard you're treating her with Tophra..."

"That we are. Is there a problem?"

"I thought that it was outlawed because of la-"

"It is. Nobody else is to use it. We used it to save your future den mother, does that fact bother you so much, Minjae?"

"No, Sir. We're concerned for her, is all."

"Don't be. Yunho knows what he's doing and so do I." His dismissive tone makes the young siren realize that their cause will be going no where, so he slides back into his place amongst his brothers and gives Angel a sad glance from across the room.

"Next matter of business?"

-

     "Of all the comrades that e'er I had...They're sorry for my going away," your voice echoes in the quiet den, loud enough that it drowns out the rippling of the water as the top of Hongjoongs head emerges. His brown eyes shimmering and scales on his face a light pink as his ears twitch, focusing in on your voice.

    "And all the sweethearts that e'er I had, they'd wish me one more day to stay..." Although the treatment had stabilized your hormones and slowed the progression of you accepting his bite, it hadn't fought off all of your symptoms. Just the most painful ones.

     You sang. Very much, and very well. The past three days in the den have been filled with soft lullabies that you remembered from your childhood. More often than not luring you and Hongjoong both to sleep.

      You nested- scraps of fabric that he insisted were useless after he finished fixing a garment to fit you, you padded your sleeping area with even more- even if they did little to nothing. Sleeping deeper into the morning despite the fact that you were an early riser back home.

Your bones ached when you were away from him for too long, growing cold and tired on your lonesome.

And above all, you slowly began accepted him as your mate. Though you still preferred the words 'My Hongjoong' instead. Mate sounded too primal.

"So fill to me, the parting glass... Good night and joy be with you all. Good night an- JESUS!" You yelp as he hops out of the water noisily, shorts already on. You hold your project to your chest and muster up a glare to throw his way, only met with a cheeky smile as he joins your side by the fire. He begins skinning an unfamiliar animal, his smile unwavering.

You flatten out your hand over your DIY secretively, which gains a peek from him. "What's that?" You both ask simultaneously, a smile pulling at your lips as he chuckles.

"A secret. What's that?" You turn your body to keep working on it as he works on what is clearly dinner.

"A mammal," he explains shortly, smirk tugging at his lips as he moves to look over your shoulder- pushed away as you place your palm to his forehead and push him back. He laughs and leaves you to it, "okay then, Precious."

You both work separately until he taps your back, a wooden plate of food ready for you to share. "One more minute." You stick your tongue out in concentration, jumping slightly when he places his palm flat on your back and rubs gently.

"Your food will get cold," he pouts and he rests his head on your back, humming softly as he listens to your heart.

"I'm almost..... done!" You turn with your hands cupped together, hiding your project effectively. "Close your eyes," you blush softly as he looks at you with wide and sparkling eyes.

"It's for me?" He asks as he complies, listening to your movements closely as you crawl behind him and latch something onto his neck loosely.

"For you," you whisper as you give into your strange urges and hug him from behind, stroking his bare chest softly, "open."

His eyes flick down to the loose necklace in a millisecond flat, tears welling up as he sees the dark green shell he gifted you on your first night in his care. It's surrounded by littler ones of various colors and shapes, all dangling by his heart. "You-"

    "Mhm, I made it for you. I want you to wear it."

    You don't know the effect that your words have on him. Gifting is a way of courting in his world, and accepting is a way of also accepting the person. This is the first time you've gifted him something, and it's handmade of all the things you've accepted from him.

    "You don't have to but I pricked myself quite a few times so I'd ap-"

    "I'll wear it. I'll wear it every day, I'll never take it off!" His eagerness makes you laugh. A soft and comfortable sound that he cherishes, he gets to hear it so rarely. "I want t-" He cuts himself off as he runs his finger tips on the shells.

     "Hm?" You rest your chin over his shoulder and peek at him, a gently smile on your lips- which he seems to be zeroed in on, his eyes slowly darkening. You let go of him and back away slowly, lowering your eyes.

   "Kiss you." His short, broken, sentence makes you look up as he approaches: slotting himself between your legs and pressing his chest to yours and pushing you down to the cool floor, the necklace resting between you. "Mate."

    "Hongjoong-"

    "Mate. Kiss you," he pants as he rests his forehead on yours, his next word a desperate and drawn out whine, "please?"

    Your head moves to nod, and not even a fraction of the way there his lips are collided with yours as a feral groan rips through his throat. His hands grip at your cheeks, holding your face close to his as yours wrap up in his damp hair. A collection of clicks and purrs come from him as you moan into him softly. He just feels so right. His lips. His warmth. His love. It all feels right now.

He wants to hold you and never let go, but he remembers that you still have to breathe more than he does and pulls away from your lips just enough to let you inhale deeply- still ghosting over your soft skin. "Hongjoong," you coo softly, grabbing one of his hands and blowing on his palm, making him shiver with pleasure as your name shows up once again.

"My (Y/n), I'll always wear your shells."

-