#short weave
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hopelessvalentines Ā· 5 months ago
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ā€œyouā€™re my best friend, now iā€™ve got no one to tell iā€™ve lost my best friend.ā€
ā€¦.
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lilyflxwers Ā· 5 months ago
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nartheflower/inanotheruniverse//sk//clarice lispector/the hour of the star//taylor swift/the archer//david foster wallace//david bowie//unknown//maya hayyas/parts of me never left that house//cowgirlrising//phoebe bridgers/waiting room
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ssssshunyaa Ā· 1 year ago
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mirefireflies Ā· 6 months ago
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claudia as the canary in the coal mine
amcā€™s interview with the vampire, 2022 / a canary in a coal mine ā€” mort laitner / i know why the caged bird sings ā€” maya angelou / a poem about a slave ā€” imad / what happened to the canary in the coal mine? ā€” kat eschner / canary in a coal mine ā€” mira lightner / canary in a coal mine ā€” the crane wives
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1pcii Ā· 1 year ago
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A messy webweave of posts I think are zolu-coded
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that-foul-legacy-lover Ā· 5 months ago
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i am absolutely loving the melusine creator! could you maybe write a little bit more on what it was like when they first woke up as a melusine? iā€™d imagine thatā€™d be quite the shift from human with fully articulate fingers to cute little mittens!
ohhhh you're so right!! also thank you hehe i'm also in love with this concept i'm glad people are enjoying it :]
the first thing you see when you open your eyes are colors. so. many. colors, all in dancing in your vision like a colorful array of gemstones. it's beautiful, and wonderful, and Archons it makes you dizzy so for a moment you just close your eyes and sit there in the quiet cavern, relishing the sudden silence. where you were slashed and stabbed and eventually slain still ache, but the pain slowly fades as you lay there in the dim light, intermittently opening your eyes and squeezing them shut again to get used to the new vibrancy of the world around you. you reach your arms up to give them a good stretch, stiff all over, and are greeted by a pair of colorful mittens rather than fingers and human hands
you freeze, holding yourself back from screaming when you take a look at your legs, all covered in swirling patterns almost dusted with tiny, shimmering stars
you're a Melusine, an actual Melusine, so small and colorful with a pair of squishy antennae and a little tail. everything is disorienting and odd as you attempt to walk around, not used to having such stumpy legs, contemplating your resurrection and new body. the surface has no appeal to you, filled to the brim with those who hunted and hurt you, so your legs carry you deeper into the caves, stumbling and tripping every so often. you barely even notice the tiny wings on your back, so overwhelmed by anything, by the memories of the pain and screaming. but there's a light touch on your shoulder that pulls you back to reality. another Melusine watches you worriedly, asking if you're lost and introducing herself as Cosanzeana
several nations over, an Abyssal beast sits bolt upright in the Eleventh Harbinger's chambers
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fumifooms Ā· 7 months ago
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Chilchuck, family & alcoholism
Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chilā€™s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chilā€™s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts itā€™s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how itā€™s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.
Thereā€™s nothing more Iā€™d like on motherā€™s day than to speculate about Chilchuckā€™s maladaptive attachment style. Iā€™m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much heā€™s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here
Actually itā€™ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, itā€™s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.
Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife
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^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.
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We know is hometown isnā€™t Kahka Brud, but weā€™re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if itā€™s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.
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If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesnā€™t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasnā€™t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how heā€™s like with his more distant familyā€¦
Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So thatā€™s the context.
Iā€™ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.
Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesnā€™t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didnā€™t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.
We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so itā€™s not like he didnā€™t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I donā€™t remember if itā€™s explicitely stated but heā€™s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think itā€™s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least womenā€™s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when heā€™s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.
I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the ā€œalcoholā€ section of his Adventurerā€™s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, likeĀ how he doesnā€™t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.Ā  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chilā€™s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like thereā€™s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think itā€™s big family because itā€™s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you donā€™t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.
Alcoholism context rundown:
Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his partyā€™s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels itā€™s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.
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Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.
And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if heā€™s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.
Dad of the dad
Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young tooā€¦? I know how it is, it must have hit you hardā€¦" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesnā€™t feel much about his dadā€™s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse
I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dadā€™s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.
As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And Iā€™ll nitpick that we donā€™t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like Iā€™ve gone into he doesnā€™t seem to be the keep in touch type. Itā€™s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.
And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that thatā€™s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that thereā€™s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than justā€¦ Healthy coping and having moved on.
I wonder when Chil first drankā€¦ And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sipsā€¦ Or he stole them
No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt soā€¦ Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.
Because tooā€¦ We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so itā€™s not like thereā€™s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then likeā€¦ What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since sheā€™s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then itā€™s like, at the family gatherings, sheā€™s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he hasā€¦ā€¦.. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesnā€™t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhoodā€¦ Spitballing of course of course
I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyoneā€™s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I donā€™t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but donā€™t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesnā€™t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but stillā€¦ There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideasā€¦
So yes my general take on Chilā€™s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.
Fathering
And I think thatā€™s especially interesting considering he hasnā€™t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. Itā€™s "theyā€™re independent now" and thatā€™s kinda it. His daughters havenā€™t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ā€˜thatā€™s how things areā€™. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not heā€™s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?
So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh
Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. Heā€™s working hard to provide for his family but in the process heā€™s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. Heā€™s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the oceanā€” But also hereā€™s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! Theyā€™re poor, they donā€™t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure heā€™s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and thatā€™s not always an option.
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^ Truly the classic "if you donā€™t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experienceā€¦ā€¦ā€¦
He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctionalā€¦ā€¦.. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"Ā  šŸ¤”
All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, Iā€™m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isnā€™t a teen or young adult, heā€™s middle aged, heā€™s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. Heā€™s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.
And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldnā€™t notice if a parenting choice wasnā€™t great for his daughters. He doesnā€™t have a relationship with his dad, heā€™s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective itā€™s mission success! He got raised decent enough šŸ‘ā­ļø Except he doesnā€™t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itselfā€¦ And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since thatā€™s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. Itā€™s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.
But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if itā€™s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And thereā€™s sort of this dissonance that heā€™s both "it doesnā€™t matter wether iā€™m here or not, theyā€™ll live, theyā€™re tough girls. Oh they didnā€™t like my scolding earlier? Itā€™s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like thatā€™s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also thatā€™s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.
All that said I think the very strict "youā€™re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.
In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I donā€™t think heā€™d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize itā€¦ Sigh
Daughter pov
Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parentsā€™ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijackā€¦ Ohh Meijack.
When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and heā€™s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says youā€™re like him youā€™re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if itā€™s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you donā€™t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you donā€™t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind
Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...
Absent father and when heā€™s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and youā€™re grateful for it and thatā€™s that <333
She doesnā€™t know how much he loves them bc he hasnā€™t showed them in a long time </3
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The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he canā€™t do rather than what he could do, how someone whoā€™s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. Itā€™s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a trollā€™s.
You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that theyā€™re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of themā€¦ā€¦. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows theyā€™re goneā€¦ Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleepā€¦ā€¦ā€¦..
And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit
In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like sheā€™s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that sheā€™s the most passive, that sheā€™s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parentsā€™ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.
They already donā€™t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when heā€™s not himself trulyā€¦ How they kinda reconcile it all. Itā€™s their normal.Ā 
And the thing thatā€™s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol
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"you're all that's good"
Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person whoā€™s supposed to be closest to him (he doesnā€™t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.
He leaves and she left
God thereā€™s the whole ā€˜wife leaving himā€™ trauma too is the thingā€¦ It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didnā€™t expect her to just up and leave. He didnā€™t see the warning signs. He wonā€™t know if itā€™s coming this time either.
ā€¦.. But then also, why he didnā€™t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I wonā€™t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. Itā€™s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was likeā€¦ "This week sheā€™s gonna send a letter. ā€¦ Ok fine, this month sheā€™s gonna crack. ā€¦ Within the year sheā€™ll come crawling back." and itā€™s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked likeā€¦ Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally sheā€™s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.
I can never stop thinking about him and his wife theyā€™re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didnā€™t even leave or send one last letter sheā€™s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. Itā€™s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we havenā€™t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidanceā€¦ Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something elseā€¦ Maybe realizing he doesnā€™t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to itā€¦ Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?
Not seeing it comingā€¦ Itā€™s half trust, that this person whoā€™s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third itā€™s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I donā€™t think heā€™s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.
Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldnā€™t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting heā€™s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. Itā€™s been years and he still hasnā€™t worked it out why she left. Do you think thatā€™s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. Itā€™s so so so scary to try and do anything about it
He said he didnā€™t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and heā€™s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that sheā€™d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasnā€™t coming back?
He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.
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He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. Itā€™s why he doesnā€™t want people to have expectations of him, "Iā€™m a coward Iā€™m selfish", because then they canā€™t be disappointed, they canā€™t be surprised if he bites, they canā€™t leave when you lose what theyā€™ve been staying for.
He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time thereā€™s an interpersonal issue he just accepts itā€™s out of his control immediately. Heā€™s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesnā€™t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and thatā€™s it. If people are scummy you donā€™t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you triedā€¦ Talking?" itā€™s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix thingsā€¦ And thatā€™s why itā€™s such a big deal when he goes "Alright Iā€™ll tryā€¦ I donā€™t know if itā€™ll go as well as in the stories, but Iā€™ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge
Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.
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The way itā€™s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and itā€™s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, yā€™all didnā€™t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me
Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.
She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if heā€™d say anything before leaving and when he didnā€™t that was the last straw?
Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because thatā€™s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox
And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but itā€™s worth going over, soā€¦ I donā€™t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that heā€™d keep drinking. Like personally I do think heā€™d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either donā€™t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc theyā€™re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but itā€™s straight up his favorite food now and itā€™s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.
Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just donā€™t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everythingĀ āœØ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to thingsĀ šŸ«  He wouldnā€™t leave
Iā€™d say he doesnā€™t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, thereā€™s an axe in the wall etc, itā€™s about having failed to protect them.
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If he canā€™t fuck something up or if heā€™s already fucked it up thereā€™s this pacifying sense that he canā€™t have the rug pulled from under him, because thatā€™s what having connections is, having a wife isnā€™t an insurance itā€™s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so heā€™s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because itā€™s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesnā€™t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, itā€™s always been suck it up and work.
Conclusion
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Stop smoking we love you and we donā€™t want you to die
No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it wonā€™t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-easeā€¦ā€¦.
</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesnā€™t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around
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^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone
Iā€™ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but itā€™s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 yā€™know. I havenā€™t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if youā€™re curious.
Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst
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forgivent Ā· 2 months ago
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cadaverousdecay Ā· 3 months ago
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breezeblocks, alt- j / possum kingdom, toadies / dead manā€™s party, oingo boingo
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dietmountaindewlover Ā· 1 year ago
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hopelessvalentines Ā· 9 days ago
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tuverras Ā· 5 months ago
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Enjolras, pierced by eight bullets, remained backed up against the wall is if the bullets had nailed him there. Except that his head was tilted. Grantaire, struck down, collapsed at his feet.
there is a light that never goes out, the smiths //Ā i bet on losing dogs, mitski //Ā far too young to die, panic! at the disco //Ā i, carrion (icarian), hozier //Ā let it burn, red //Ā achilles come down, gang of youths //Ā i need a forest fire, james blake, bon iver //Ā angel with a shotgun, the cab //Ā fireproof, the nationalĀ //Ā the alcott, the national ft. taylor swiftĀ //Ā i will follow you into the dark,death cab for cutie
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mojaves Ā· 7 months ago
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ALEX SHEPHERD, THE BOY WHOSE SOUL IS BOUND TO EARTH AND HE CANNOT DIE. // a.k.a how one small mistake can make you wish you stayed dead
jenny holzer / saturniinne / sun bleached flies - ethel cain / orofeaiel / cecil castellucci / violetteforevernever / ojibwa / i know it's over - the smiths / tathĆØve simonyan / stellernorth / robert bly
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tinylittlelilac Ā· 4 months ago
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[again saying these are fictitious despite how obvious just in case happyele comes down with an iron fist šŸ¤›]
- Bleeding Ink ā™” Letters From the Heart
By request, StarPro idols are being recruited for the next round of the dating sim Loveā˜…Star. Due to the conflicting schedule of a required appearance at a ball, Yuzuru declines the offer, but the gameā€™s director suddenly rewrites the plotā€¦
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MIDORI TAKAMINE!!!!!!!!!!
I find myself here again :) I have so much respect for enstars artists.. what they pump out 3+ times a week takes me 5 whole months . My gofd ! I really hope you guys like these 2 šŸ™ personally they donā€™t leave my head!
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webs-of-words Ā· 2 months ago
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falling into you like itā€™s all i can do
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mybruisedankleneedsakiss Ā· 9 months ago
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Can you do a web weaving post on 'home'
as a knife
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as a goodbye
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as longing
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as something peaceful, a resolution; final.
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Home by Warsan Shire / Valeria Duca- Content for Breakfast / Home by Warsan Shire / tumblr user @katabasiss / tumblr user @honeytuesday / tumblr user @loveology2022 / Drunk Guy in Boston / End of Beginning, Djo / Class of 2013, Mitski / I'll Remember You as Red by Sophie Pearson / A House in Nebraska, Ethel Cain / Penne For Your Thoughts by Katie Butler / tumblr user @tayyaboenix / Coming Home by Mary Oliver / Little Forest(2018) dir. Yim Soon-rye / Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey
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