#short weave
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āyouāre my best friend, now iāve got no one to tell iāve lost my best friend.ā
ā¦.
#sad quotes#poetry#web weaving#love quotes#poems on tumblr#short poems#love poem#old friendships#poem#on friendship#on love#on loss#friendship breakup#old friends#ex best friend
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nartheflower/inanotheruniverse//sk//clarice lispector/the hour of the star//taylor swift/the archer//david foster wallace//david bowie//unknown//maya hayyas/parts of me never left that house//cowgirlrising//phoebe bridgers/waiting room
#what am i#i am made of memories#memories of you#spilled words#words words words#wordpress#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#spilled writing#poetry#short poem#web writing#web weaving#word weaving#phoebe bridgers#taylor swift
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#poetry#quotes#web weaving#female writers#writing#writers and poets#short poem#short poetry#dog loss#pet loss#loss#grief#dealing with grief
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claudia as the canary in the coal mine
amcās interview with the vampire, 2022 / a canary in a coal mine ā mort laitner / i know why the caged bird sings ā maya angelou / a poem about a slave ā imad / what happened to the canary in the coal mine? ā kat eschner / canary in a coal mine ā mira lightner / canary in a coal mine ā the crane wives
#sheās soooo canary coded#her yellow dress..#thereās so many more parallels too#believe it or not this is the short version#web weaving#canary in a coal mine#claudia#interview with the vampire#iwtv#claudia eparvier#claudia de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#daniel molloy#<333
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A messy webweave of posts I think are zolu-coded
#sorry its so short i may add to it in the future#psii.txt#one piece#1pc#webweave#web weave#zolu#luzo#roronoa zoro#monkey d. luffy#id in alt text#ik the 4th one is more suggestive in nature but this is an 'aro/ace-spec that fuck nastly sometimes for fun' zolu zone#their psychosexual tendencies transend sexuality to me. but also they are 100% freaks (affectionate)
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i am absolutely loving the melusine creator! could you maybe write a little bit more on what it was like when they first woke up as a melusine? iād imagine thatād be quite the shift from human with fully articulate fingers to cute little mittens!
ohhhh you're so right!! also thank you hehe i'm also in love with this concept i'm glad people are enjoying it :]
the first thing you see when you open your eyes are colors. so. many. colors, all in dancing in your vision like a colorful array of gemstones. it's beautiful, and wonderful, and Archons it makes you dizzy so for a moment you just close your eyes and sit there in the quiet cavern, relishing the sudden silence. where you were slashed and stabbed and eventually slain still ache, but the pain slowly fades as you lay there in the dim light, intermittently opening your eyes and squeezing them shut again to get used to the new vibrancy of the world around you. you reach your arms up to give them a good stretch, stiff all over, and are greeted by a pair of colorful mittens rather than fingers and human hands
you freeze, holding yourself back from screaming when you take a look at your legs, all covered in swirling patterns almost dusted with tiny, shimmering stars
you're a Melusine, an actual Melusine, so small and colorful with a pair of squishy antennae and a little tail. everything is disorienting and odd as you attempt to walk around, not used to having such stumpy legs, contemplating your resurrection and new body. the surface has no appeal to you, filled to the brim with those who hunted and hurt you, so your legs carry you deeper into the caves, stumbling and tripping every so often. you barely even notice the tiny wings on your back, so overwhelmed by anything, by the memories of the pain and screaming. but there's a light touch on your shoulder that pulls you back to reality. another Melusine watches you worriedly, asking if you're lost and introducing herself as Cosanzeana
several nations over, an Abyssal beast sits bolt upright in the Eleventh Harbinger's chambers
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#sagau#genshin sagau#by the way you and cosanzeana are best friends along with mamere#she found you first and is always coming to check on you#she shows foul legacy her flowers as well#and gives you some to weave into his hair and around his horns#short scenario#other's stuff#good evening#chit chat
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Chilchuck, family & alcoholism
Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chilās upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chilās background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts itās really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how itās all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.
Thereās nothing more Iād like on motherās day than to speculate about Chilchuckās maladaptive attachment style. Iām fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much heās been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here
Actually itāll be easier if I make a rundown here too, itās just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.
Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife
^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.
We know is hometown isnāt Kahka Brud, but weāre not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if itās only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.
If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesnāt really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasnāt seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how heās like with his more distant familyā¦
Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So thatās the context.
Iāll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.
Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesnāt really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didnāt have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.
We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so itās not like he didnāt have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I donāt remember if itās explicitely stated but heās heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think itās the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least womenās beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when heās younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.
I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the āalcoholā section of his Adventurerās Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, likeĀ how he doesnāt hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.Ā As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chilās wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like thereās a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think itās big family because itās just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you donāt have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.
Alcoholism context rundown:
Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his partyās safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels itās relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.
Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.
And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if heās aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.
Dad of the dad
Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young tooā¦? I know how it is, it must have hit you hardā¦" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesnāt feel much about his dadās death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse
I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dadās death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.
As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And Iāll nitpick that we donāt know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like Iāve gone into he doesnāt seem to be the keep in touch type. Itās on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.
And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that thatās the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that thereās dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than justā¦ Healthy coping and having moved on.
I wonder when Chil first drankā¦ And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sipsā¦ Or he stole them
No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt soā¦ Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.
Because tooā¦ We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so itās not like thereās no warmth or sense of family at all, but then likeā¦ What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since sheās his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then itās like, at the family gatherings, sheās the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he hasā¦ā¦.. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesnāt have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhoodā¦ Spitballing of course of course
I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyoneās too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I donāt think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but donāt eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesnāt know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but stillā¦ There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideasā¦
So yes my general take on Chilās family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.
Fathering
And I think thatās especially interesting considering he hasnāt been keeping in touch with his daughters either. Itās "theyāre independent now" and thatās kinda it. His daughters havenāt sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes āthatās how things areā. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not heās absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?
So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh
Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. Heās working hard to provide for his family but in the process heās not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. Heās a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the oceanā But also hereās the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! Theyāre poor, they donāt have the privilege of free time as much. Sure heās not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and thatās not always an option.
^ Truly the classic "if you donāt listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experienceā¦ā¦ā¦
He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctionalā¦ā¦.. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"Ā š¤”
All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, Iām saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isnāt a teen or young adult, heās middle aged, heās become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. Heās chosen to never think deeper on the topic.
And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldnāt notice if a parenting choice wasnāt great for his daughters. He doesnāt have a relationship with his dad, heās not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective itās mission success! He got raised decent enough šāļø Except he doesnāt realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itselfā¦ And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since thatās who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. Itās implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.
But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if itās necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And thereās sort of this dissonance that heās both "it doesnāt matter wether iām here or not, theyāll live, theyāre tough girls. Oh they didnāt like my scolding earlier? Itās just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like thatās why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also thatās why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.
All that said I think the very strict "youāre gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.
In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I donāt think heād do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize itā¦ Sigh
Daughter pov
Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parentsā couple and their emotions the most. And Meijackā¦ Ohh Meijack.
When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and heās always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says youāre like him youāre sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if itās more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you donāt know him as much as you wish you did, or that you donāt think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind
Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...
Absent father and when heās at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and youāre grateful for it and thatās that <333
She doesnāt know how much he loves them bc he hasnāt showed them in a long time </3
The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he canāt do rather than what he could do, how someone whoās as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. Itās in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a trollās.
You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that theyāre monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of themā¦ā¦. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows theyāre goneā¦ Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleepā¦ā¦ā¦..
And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit
In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like sheās always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that sheās the most passive, that sheās the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parentsā flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.
They already donāt have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when heās not himself trulyā¦ How they kinda reconcile it all. Itās their normal.Ā
And the thing thatās gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol
"you're all that's good"
Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person whoās supposed to be closest to him (he doesnāt even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.
He leaves and she left
God thereās the whole āwife leaving himā trauma too is the thingā¦ It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didnāt expect her to just up and leave. He didnāt see the warning signs. He wonāt know if itās coming this time either.
ā¦.. But then also, why he didnāt reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I wonāt reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. Itās been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was likeā¦ "This week sheās gonna send a letter. ā¦ Ok fine, this month sheās gonna crack. ā¦ Within the year sheāll come crawling back." and itās a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked likeā¦ Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally sheās more of an ex by that point after 4 years.
I can never stop thinking about him and his wife theyāre fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didnāt even leave or send one last letter sheās just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. Itās been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we havenāt seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidanceā¦ Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something elseā¦ Maybe realizing he doesnāt miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to itā¦ Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?
Not seeing it comingā¦ Itās half trust, that this person whoās so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third itās blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I donāt think heās too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.
Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldnāt reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting heās scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. Itās been years and he still hasnāt worked it out why she left. Do you think thatās on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. Itās so so so scary to try and do anything about it
He said he didnāt reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and heās just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that sheād come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasnāt coming back?
He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.
He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. Itās why he doesnāt want people to have expectations of him, "Iām a coward Iām selfish", because then they canāt be disappointed, they canāt be surprised if he bites, they canāt leave when you lose what theyāve been staying for.
He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time thereās an interpersonal issue he just accepts itās out of his control immediately. Heās passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesnāt think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and thatās it. If people are scummy you donāt whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you triedā¦ Talking?" itās such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix thingsā¦ And thatās why itās such a big deal when he goes "Alright Iāll tryā¦ I donāt know if itāll go as well as in the stories, but Iāll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge
Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.
The way itās told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and itās like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, yāall didnāt talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me
Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.
She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if heād say anything before leaving and when he didnāt that was the last straw?
Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because thatās the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox
And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but itās worth going over, soā¦ I donāt think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that heād keep drinking. Like personally I do think heād drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either donāt want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc theyāre usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but itās straight up his favorite food now and itās deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.
Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just donāt think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everythingĀ āØ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to thingsĀ š« He wouldnāt leave
Iād say he doesnāt look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, thereās an axe in the wall etc, itās about having failed to protect them.
If he canāt fuck something up or if heās already fucked it up thereās this pacifying sense that he canāt have the rug pulled from under him, because thatās what having connections is, having a wife isnāt an insurance itās a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so heās kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because itās sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesnāt have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, itās always been suck it up and work.
Conclusion
Stop smoking we love you and we donāt want you to die
No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it wonāt vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-easeā¦ā¦.
</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesnāt make you dysfunctional and hard to be around
^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone
Iāve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but itās more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 yāknow. I havenāt dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if youāre curious.
Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst
#Iām allergic to making short casual speculation posts apparently#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#chilchuckās family#Chilchuckās wife#theories#meta#analysis#It was motherās day when I decided to gather my old discord message and work on posting this so. Not fixing that intro#Iām always too late </3#Marcille singing A Girl Worth Fighting For @ Chilchuck#Spoilers#i lost half of this post TWICE. This is my Joker arc#Hopefully i can finish my web weaving about this today#Chilchuck is so cool I wish dads were real#Chilchuck āmy family doesnāt need meā tims#This almost killed me itās not even the topic itās bc tumblr wanted me dead. This silly post. It was supposed to be CASUAL and SHORT#Analysis#i just ended up talking about chil a lot again. Give me excuses to talk about him more#Character analysis#meijack#Puckpatti#flertom#fanfic#Fumi rambles
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#sad quotes#poetry#web weaving#love quotes#poems on tumblr#short poem#love poem#poem#on friendship#on love#on loss#friendship breakup#old friends#ex best friend
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breezeblocks, alt- j / possum kingdom, toadies / dead manās party, oingo boingo
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#girlblogging#diet mountain dew#2014 tumblr#grunge#lana del rey#mitksi#hozier#short poem#poetry#web weaving#core core#lonelihood#sylvia plath#the bell jar#albert camus#the stranger#my year of rest and relaxation#journal
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#poetry#sad quotes#web weaving#poems on tumblr#short poems#poem#words#old friendships#on life#on grief#on greif
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Enjolras, pierced by eight bullets, remained backed up against the wall is if the bullets had nailed him there. Except that his head was tilted. Grantaire, struck down, collapsed at his feet.
there is a light that never goes out, the smiths //Ā i bet on losing dogs, mitski //Ā far too young to die, panic! at the disco //Ā i, carrion (icarian), hozier //Ā let it burn, red //Ā achilles come down, gang of youths //Ā i need a forest fire, james blake, bon iver //Ā angel with a shotgun, the cab //Ā fireproof, the nationalĀ //Ā the alcott, the national ft. taylor swiftĀ //Ā i will follow you into the dark,death cab for cutie
#les miserables#les mis#enjolras#grantaire#enjoltaire#exr#short version of my enjoltaire playlist#which i am obsessed with by the way#itās so basic exr but god it kills at 4am#web weaving#mitski#taylor swift
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ALEX SHEPHERD, THE BOY WHOSE SOUL IS BOUND TO EARTH AND HE CANNOT DIE. // a.k.a how one small mistake can make you wish you stayed dead
jenny holzer / saturniinne / sun bleached flies - ethel cain / orofeaiel / cecil castellucci / violetteforevernever / ojibwa / i know it's over - the smiths / tathĆØve simonyan / stellernorth / robert bly
#oc alex#a.a.k.a no one is coming to save you. get over yourself.#yes this is a short web weave but like...... it couldve been sooo much longer theres so much i can use for him. so much i can say about him#he's terrified of death. he just wants to be at peace. he wants to live again. he's getting so tired. he just wants to go home.#theres no home left for him. he's mourning. he's so over it. he's alone in this world. he always was alone.#going missing and dying changed nothing. it changed everything. but only for a second.#and then life carried on without him. he will never get that time back. he misses it. he doesnt want to go back.#he needs company. he wants so desperately to be left alone. theres still hope. theres no hope left. Do You Understand.
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[again saying these are fictitious despite how obvious just in case happyele comes down with an iron fist š¤]
- Bleeding Ink ā” Letters From the Heart
By request, StarPro idols are being recruited for the next round of the dating sim Loveā
Star. Due to the conflicting schedule of a required appearance at a ball, Yuzuru declines the offer, but the gameās director suddenly rewrites the plotā¦
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MIDORI TAKAMINE!!!!!!!!!!
I find myself here again :) I have so much respect for enstars artists.. what they pump out 3+ times a week takes me 5 whole months . My gofd ! I really hope you guys like these 2 š personally they donāt leave my head!
#enstars#lilac.art#ensemble stars#yuzuru fushimi#midoyuzu#midori takamine#fushimi yuzuru#takamine midori#happy birthday midori!!!!#for your birthday you get a dress#I like to think he would enjoy it#the idea here is that the director convinces midori to pretend to be Yuzuruās ādateā at the ball#and no one there knows except like. tori. n Yuzuruās parents or something#turns out yuzuru is a great dancer (canon)#and they get closer physically (dance) AND mentally (love ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø)#very back and forth on giving midori extensions#but I like his short hair too much#we can weave other starpro ships into this too#..eichia? eiwata? eisuba? yuzumao? aitori? polystar in general?#if you so desire#possibilities are endlessā¦#please excuse my open source art program#I donāt even have a bead brush šššš#anyways#no one give me the mic again#this is a classic lilac post sleep reblog everything in the morning by the way#no oneās art is safe once I wake#I love you tumblr this oneās makin me nervous
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falling into you like itās all i can do
#obsessive love#web weave#web weaving#web weaves#webweave#web weavings#webweaving#web weaver#on love#poetic#aesthetic#on longing#on relationships#on girlhood#on unrequited love#poems and poetry#original poem#poems on tumblr#short poem#poem#lovers#love quotes#love#relationship#feelings
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Can you do a web weaving post on 'home'
as a knife
as a goodbye
as longing
as something peaceful, a resolution; final.
Home by Warsan Shire / Valeria Duca- Content for Breakfast / Home by Warsan Shire / tumblr user @katabasiss / tumblr user @honeytuesday / tumblr user @loveology2022 / Drunk Guy in Boston / End of Beginning, Djo / Class of 2013, Mitski / I'll Remember You as Red by Sophie Pearson / A House in Nebraska, Ethel Cain / Penne For Your Thoughts by Katie Butler / tumblr user @tayyaboenix / Coming Home by Mary Oliver / Little Forest(2018) dir. Yim Soon-rye / Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey
#im sorry it took so long for this post#poetic#aesthetic#short poem#art#paintings#mitski#djo#lana del rey#music#song lyrics#web weaving#home#yearning#longing#grief#childhood trauma#books#ethel cain#korean movies#movies#movie stills#warsan shire#oil paintings#mary oliver#kim tae ri#class of 2013#homesickness#nostalgia#asks
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