#shittyjoke

[vattenkokare]

Ja też nie wiem jak to powstało.

Sorry english speaking ppl :')

Sweden: " And you broke it!

Great

I'm putting this fucking chair togheter all day

And you come here and just break it

And the instructions are gone

You're a terrible wife

I told you don't touch the chair but noo

You'll be the one fixing it!

Go fuck yourself!"

Finland: "I'm gonna, but not with you for sure!"

[ajarofsadhoney]

"The punchline to this hole joke is too cheesy!"

You know, cuz cheese holes are punched in and there's a punchline and-

[eric-sadahire]

‘Schot in de roos’, is a Dutch saying. 

So Sometimes you miss and sometimes you get it just right.

[pumkintalksstuff]

Watched Steven Universe for the first time

And you get to hear an unimportant person talk about it! Last night, I decided to watch Steven Universe due to a deal made between me and my brother, where I watched an episode where it got good, and he watched Evangelion. I decided my first episode by looking up Growing the Beard on Tv Tropes, and the first episode I decided to watch was a two-parter. In the middle of the season. Episode 25 and 26. I am the smartest person in the world. So, now a person who knows almost nothing about the show gets to review two episodes of it! And I’m getting you guys to listen. Or not, if you scroll passed this blog while looking for posts to bitch about. Then I’m talking to air. For those of not the air persuasion, here is my summary and thoughts. The first episode I watched was called Mirror Gem, and right off the bat, I realized that skipping twenty-four episodes may not have been the best idea as Steven’s friend, Connie, talks about summer vacation, and he is clueless about it. I’m assuming this is something I would have known more about in an earlier episode. Steven, wanting to learn, decides to talk to one of the gems about wanting to learn. One of these gems is Pearl, who is NOT adorable. She totally is adorable. So Pearl decides to help Steven out by giving him a mirror that’s supposed to show him Gem culture and history. Pearl:Here, take this. Steven:What’s this blue gem on the back? Pearl: Probably nothing... The mirror doesn’t do its job, and Pearl assumes it’s broken. Steven, not wanting the episode to meander plotless, keeps it around. So the episode continues with Steven running into Lars, who I swear has donuts for ears, and then almost getting hit by the mayor’s van. I say almost because the mirror uses some of Lars’ lines to warn Steven. Steven realizes the mirror is magic and uses words it hears to communicate. So, Steven decides to use this to his advantage, and he uses it to screw with the literally red-faced mayor. This apparently lasts into the night, leaving Steven alone with the mirror. Steven:So, what’s going to happen in the future? Mirror:Mom is not what she seems. Steven:Okay, what’ll I grow up into? Mirror:Dead. Steven:Depressing. How’s my love life? Mirror:Ask again later. Steven:Damn it. No, he decides to talk to the gems about it. However, the mirror protests. Despite this, he goes and talks to the gems anyway. Steven:Guys, the mirror talks! Amethyst:Told ya we left him in his room for too long. Yes, here I meet the other two gems. The purple dwarf, Amethyst, and the tall pinkish one with the badass shades, Garnet. The gems start getting concerned and attempt to take the mirror away from Steven, only for Stefen to accidentally knock Garnet’s shades off and run away. Garnet, pissed that her shades were touched, but mostly because Steven disobeyed her, decides to go after him with the others.

Meanwhile, Steven gets convinced to pull the gem out from the back of the mirror. This summons a girl. Sounds like my failed love life.

Lapis:I’m Lapis Lazuli, thanks for freeing me.

Steven:Cool! Can I call you L-dog?

Lapis:No.

Then the crystal gems appear.

Pearl:Steven, no, her eyes are totally creepy! That means she’s evil!

And Lapis is all like,

Lapis: These guys are jerks, don’t listen to them! Come with me!

And Steven is rendered confused as Lapis and the gems fight for a bit before Lapis runs off.

Garnet, understandably, is peeved that Steven almost got his caretakers killed, and grounds him.

Well, that episode was a little slow at the beginning, but overall, it was pretty okay. Though I feel like it should’ve been longer. Oh, well, on to Part 2!

It continues into the day with Garnet chewing Steven out. However, Steven’s long-haired dad, Greg jumps into the scene!

Greg:Dudes, the water’s all gone!

Yes, all the water has gone from the ocean, likely ticking off Mako Tsunami in the process. And the one responsible is Lapis. So,Steven, Connie, his Dad, Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, The Professor, and Mary Ann all go out in their van to stop her. Steven and Connie ride on their admittedly pretty awesome pink lion while the others ride in the van.

Right off the bat, I find this episode to be a little more enjoyable as I find the joke with the mayor attempting to fill the lake himself to be funny. It then has Garnet, after hearing the music from the van, very calmly jumping out and rolling away.

I’m right now wondering how they expect to find Lapis. Do the gems have some sort of GPS(Gem Positioning System)? Whatever, night falls, and Steven wonders why they’re fighting gems.

Garnet:Time to give him the talk.

Pearl:See, when a mommy and daddy love each other-

Garnet: The other talk!

Pearl:Oh!

Pearl explains that all the monsters they’ve been fighting were crazed gems all along. This shocking revelation which I’m sure had a crap to of impact when it first aired comes right before they come to the pillar of water.

Steven:Lapis, look, most teenagers just run to their rooms, they don’t take all the water from the ocean!

Lapis: You don’t know me!

Lapis angrily summons water clones of the main gems, and they fight. Amethyst turns into a wrestler, Garnet goes all Jojo/Kenshiro on her clone, and Pearl cements her status as my favorite by whipping out two spears at once to fight her clone.

Steven, however, decides to go through his clones, and go up the pillar to talk to Lapis. When he does, Lapis reveals she was trying to use the water to get back home. How that’s supposed to work, I don’t know, but Steven then decides to be nice by fixing up her cracked gem and increasing her power, allowing her to create literal water wings so she could go back home.

Steven:It’s good to be helping. I’m thinking I’m forgetting something though...

Sure enough, Steven falls down with the rest of the water. Fortunately, Connie is there to save him with the lion. And so our episode ends with the group getting swept away back home, and Steven looking out at the moon, saying goodbye to his friend, as I’m sure we’ll NEVER see her again, especially in this continuity-filled show!

Also, Garnet gives a vague warning about their homeworld.

Amethyst:Must you take the fun out of everything?

Garnet:That’s part of my job description.

Overall, not too bad. Though, I do have a few nitpicks, like am I the only one who finds the theme song a little cheesy? And some of the jokes don’t do it for me, but the more serious moments were pretty well done.. Also, the pacing is a little off. We spend too long on Steven pulling pranks with the mirror before we actually get the two to bond. I think the impact of Lapis running off would have more oomph if we spent more time with her and Steven. The second episode has the opposite problem: While I find it to be better written, it’s really fast-paced. I owe this to the utterly bizarre 11-minute timeframe the show is given per episode. While that’s fine for an episodic show like Ed, Edd, ‘n’ Eddy, but for a continuity based show like this? Yeah, it just doesn’t flow well. In fact, if these two episodes were shown together, why bother with separating them? Why not show them as one whole package? I strongly feel that if this show had 22-minutes to work with, it would have a lot more time with the characters.

But, while I don’t consider myself a fan just yet, I still think this show is decently written enough to justify me watching some more.

I still don’t want anything to do with the tumblr fandom though.

[walkingmymind]

#wtf @bedbathandbeyond #really #pottymouth #poophumor #shittyjokes (at Hawthorne, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuhVfWaFwBn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fgzexx6eels8

[jerseyv90]

#glasses #2020 #nextyear #shittyjoke #tiktok https://www.instagram.com/p/B3pmoPIAz28/?igshid=13vlidru92lb

[warkidpl]

#inktober2018 Day 11. I’m so sorry, I had to do some stupid joke. #cruel #world #inktober #shittyjoke https://www.instagram.com/p/Boz-xVhleG8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1f3865zxb3j7g

[lucilovva-6969]

I like my women like I like my coffee; white, bitter and full of energy

[charlie-xfx-blog]

The guy and the orchestra

A guy joins a nude orchestra and they tell him to drop his pants, they put him in the horn section because he has a tromeboner.

[ssunspotted]

some day i willbe out of energy entirely.

a skeleton  making shittyjokes and tending  massive  gardens and  preaching

[plutonian-honey]

if saturn was comin to fight u... prepare Uranus /shittyjoke

this is the worst ask i have ever recieved i think

[imafreakencyborg]

Why did Micheal Jackson like coffee?

He wanted the caff-he-he-ne

[tesialo]

My mom and dad told me that if you take the year your were born and add it by your current age, you’ll get the answer of the current year. They said it only happens once every 1,000 years. Retelling this joke, my friends laughed because I got played like a fool. If you try it every year with your age at the time, the answer will always equal the next year. Thank you for laughing at my jokes @t1nk4n @ellogirly and thanks to my parents for making my friends think I’m dumb! 💖💖💖 #friendsforever #sincecollege #septemberbirthdays #virgoseason #twodaysapart #mamads #italian #pasta #newportbeach #birthdaycelebrations #stillaqueen #greatfriends #tesiatravels #tesiamunches #humor #shittyjokes #laughwithme #ocfriends (at Mama D's) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoDS3NzBb_d/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xof56k66gaqm

[ladymfnjenkins-blog]

Earlier This Morning

Fiancé: Hey babe, what's the loneliest cheese?

Me: *under my breath* Fuck... What?

Fiancé: Prov-Alone!

Me:

Fiancé:

Me:

Fiancé: Hey, you're gonna be hearing this shit for the rest of your life. Get used to it.

[mytimeasgod]

#shittyjokes #toilethumour

[kennedystudiosma]

Built our very own limiter today, units ship Monday. #recording #recordingstudio #bostonmusic #bostonbands #shittyjokes http://ift.tt/2n0yv9F