#shitposting at its WORSE

[vinylv1]

The Legion of Zoom if they were actually good:

dear god what have i done 🤧

@bamthebatmobile

[aria-greenhoodie]

You see, @localcanadiancryptid22, I’m a motherfucker who LOVES drama, so I fw anything that can create that.

I’m normal. Btw. In case you were wondering.

[that-fannerd-with-the-glasses]

[radiance1]

The League tried to interrupt a summoning of a powerful being from the Infinite Realms. From the information they collected, the being isn't of the status of a royalty, but they still had to be careful as the being the summoners tried to call forth was still of noble status.

They failed.

The head cultist finished the ritual, the last words to finish the summoning left their tongue and the room was suddenly doused in heat, as black flame came to life from within the circle, twisting and turning, back and forth until a pair of red eyes suddenly flashed from inside the twisting pillar of flame and just as suddenly as the eyes appeared, was the pillar broken apart.

What was left behind was the figure of a giant phoenix, wings spread as embers black as night gently fell down to the floor below and suddenly disappearing, as if they were never there in the first place.

"Who dares to disturb-" The being started, eyes scanning the crowd below before stilling, extremely and worryingly quiet. One of them quietly cursed. "Constantine..." The creature's voice was low, dangerously low, no doubt anger in its voice as it called out the Warlock's name.

Everyone tensed, expecting something dangerous, except for the cultists, and the Head, who turned his head towards them and smiled, obviously expecting them to be reduced to not even ash.

"100 years. One. Hundred. Years." The being spoke, and confusion wormed its way into the hearts of all those present. "100 years I have waited for you, and when we finally meet once again it's not even you summoned me but these-" The creature waved a wing at the cultist below. "-These fatuous and vacuous little things."

"And what is this? You surrounded yourself with those not even of human birth before you have even thought about me?" The noble's eyes narrowed. "Did our relationship mean nothing to you?

Someone, probably not Constantine, choked.

"Well then, after all of this time you can at least make yourself useful." In a flash of black fire, Constantine was brought from within the ranks of heroes and in front of the beast, a man who seemed to be trying to-and unsuccessfully- lighting a smoke. "Ah, why do that when you have me?" The being purred, bending down to apparently light a smoke before freezing, as if remembering what exactly it was doing, but the action was already done, and Constantine was killing his lungs away.

The phoenix snapped back up to standing above everyone else, clearing its throat as if what happened decidedly didn't happen.

"What exactly did you want me to be useful for, love?" Constantine asked, expelling the smoke from his lungs and deciding that this might as well be happening. The noble huffed, folding its wings at its sides as it stared down at its apparent lover. "Take care of our son for once in your sad, pathetic life."

This time, not only did Constantine choke, but a good chunk of people there did as well. Constantine ran a hand through his hair, looking up at the phoenix incredulously. "Aren't we both men?"

The phoenix looked at his lover as if he were stupid. "Your point?"

"I-" Constantine sighed, took a breath, held, then expelled more smoke from his lungs. Apparently, he decided not to question anything anymore. "You know what? Sure, where is the little bugger?"

Over the next few moments, both the Justice League and Cultists were treated to the noble transforming into a human (still having wings) and handing over their apparent child-who looked nothing like them by being a dragon, but who were they to question the apparent reproduction of a being from the Infinite Realms- and being lectured about what not to do and what to do and how he should be cared for.

Also, a warning for his many powers.

Then the Duke stole a kiss (One that he claimed was long overdue) and left.

The room was silent, only the sounds of breathing occupying the room as the temperature was brought back down to normal levels.

A moment later, Batman walked up to the nearby cultist and punched him across the face and knocking him out cold, suddenly reminding everyone what exactly they were here for.

A while later, in the meeting room, everyone looked at Constantine. Who had a baby eastern dragon wrapped around one arm (who was apparently his child) and rubbing his temple with the other.

"I can't explain this."

===

Danny was actually not Constantine kid, neither was he Vlad's. Biologically, at the very least, however. Vlad did adopt both him and Jasmine a while back after their whole parent fiasco.

They're dead, sadly unable to become ghosts, or perhaps not so sadly.

Of course, they unfortunately outlived Jasmine, which was to be expected, but Vlad and Danny did grow close enough that they no longer viewed each other as enemies.

However, who could have expected that Danny, finally ascending to his princely status, would turn him back into a literal child because he was, for all intents and purposes, one by Dragon standards.

Utter malarkey, he would say.

Taking care of that boy was the worst few memories he has ever had. He was constantly being kept from his sleep, his work being interrupted constantly, and the child managed to find a way to leave his sight at each and every turn.

But there were some sweet moments, he would say.

It's only reasonable, however, that his lover (who he hasn't seen for an entire century might he add) share the workload.

[guinevereslancelot]

what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!

[gurggggleburgle]

Reminder to any skinzun owner that while spaying your cat may be good for their health skinzuns despite appearance are not cats and this is abuse. Skinzuns are not meant to be spayed and doing so will deprive them of the means to nurture and care for bingcreatures which is crucial for a health happy skinzun. I know the idea seems tempting and correct but it's not. Also spaying your skinzun in hopes that it will grow into a Jiu varient is NOT how that works.

Much like how Devon Rex and Sphinx are two different breeds of cat Jiu and Yuan are different breeds of skinzun and treating a Skinzun poorly in hopes you'll get a stand off grumpy Skinzun is abuse. You are a terrible person and SPS is coming for you. The bingcreatures have your scent and are going to take you away. Just tired of going onto Skinbook and seeing people brag about doing this being all #bestmom💄💋🐾

Like you are all cringe 🙄

[jestroer]

I love being a part of hermitcraft fandom, not a single normal person in sight, I think sometimes am i being too weird and then i see my mutual being absolutely fucking insane on dash and think ah no im fine actually 

[tinyfantasminha]

TWST anniversary commercials over the years be like

1st anni: EVERYONE IS HERE!! IN EVENT OUTFITS!! Grim interacting with everyone representing how far we have come!!

2nd anni: Everyone is still here!! But with slightly worse animation...

3rd anni: Everyone is- No, it's only the third years and the animation has gotten even more even more lazy and worse if that's even possible

4th anni: Fuck you you're not getting any animated bits this year, have a slideshow with pre-existing images from the game AND new dorm leaders art I guess (you like OTHER characters that aren't the dorm leaders??? why would you?? sucks to be you)

[fate-defiant]

🦋~I want you to kiss me, I want you to remake me I want to drown in this moment of captivation~🦋

(I fucking did it dear god that was so many fucking layers)

[wyldblunt]

the gang is currently on lws4

[unboxt]

this one goes out to my friend who plays finn and vapes while they extract because it helps with the stress. god speed you bastard

[an-albino-pinetree]

*SCREAM*

[its-haughty]

how i stay motivated

[marciliedonato]

> be marcille

> find someone who matches your freak

> she gets eaten by a dragon

> bring her bones back to life

> she gets turned into a creature by an evil wizard -_-'

[azurbee]

my offering to the Ultrakill fandom I really love the game :>