#shit. but it was very formative to who i am today LOL

[sydmarch]

so funny to me how during the sexy side characters polls I was like "why are so many people voting for doom spiral he sucks he reminds me of all the skeevy dudes I worked with back when I was still on a sales floor" then in another post I'm like "I love evrart's slimy manipulative attitude in another universe when I was a brand new sdr he was the closer assigned to train me & we had a sordid workplace romance". the duality of man

[piplupod]

objectively a stupid thing to get irritated or upset by, but i really hate when people at the centre try to tell me how lucky i am for the life i live or how good i have it, esp when they tell me they had it sooooo much worse when they were my age. they do not know me. they do not know my life. they have no idea what my situation is.

they see somebody who is exceedingly polite and unerringly kind and shows up in nice clothes most of the time. they see that i draw in a sketchbook. they see that i work on the jigsaw puzzle. they see that i hold the door for people. they see that i greet people and ask people questions about themselves in a way that makes others feel seen and heard and appreciated.

now what the fuck are they getting from that that makes them think they know anything about me or my mental health or life situation!!! if anything they should be curious because I share so little about myself with people, I tend to keep things focused on others because that's safest for me. do they not question why i am at the mental health centre so often if i apparently seem like i have such a great life ????

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending to be sick in order to skip school even though I'm making my parents worried?

(I'm submitting this on a Monday. fuck Mondays btw.)

I (15M) am the only child of both of my parents (42F, 44M) and even though I love them and they love me, I feel like they don't really get me. since I was like 12 or so I started getting bullied by my classmates bc, essentially, I have "childish" interests (I like Adventure Time and video-games. my classmates need to realize we're technically still kids, but nooo they're not teenagers they're "Young Adults" and "Too Cool" to like anything remotely childish) and whenever I've tried to tell my parents that I'm experiencing bullying, they somehow end up thinking that I just don't want to go to school bc I'm lazy. I know being a parent is probably not easy but. what the fuck.

from my own experience I've noticed male and female bullies use different methods - guys hit me and use brute force against me while girls say hurtful things to me. one of the guys who bullies me, let's call him DH which stands for Dickhead (15M), is also extremely popular for some reason. he's very tall, very strong and he always uses that against me (I'm almost as tall as DH but I'm just lanky). he bullies anyone who is "beneath him" lol everybody bow down to the king of the fucking world.

today DH was making a scene at recess bc his girlfriend (15F) was wearing a skirt that was too short according to him. he was so mad at her that people were starting to form a circle around them. since DH is so popular people really respect his gf but they clearly respect him more bc today no one tried to help her. I don't respect DH, because he's a dickhead, so I stepped in and said something like "c'mon man what the hell, there's no need to humiliate your girlfriend like this, leave her alone". DH was pissed. he heatedly said that just because no girl will ever want to date me, that doesn't give me the right to tell other guys how to handle their relationships and their girlfriends. he got rlly mad and clearly he wanted to hit me so I ran like hell and proceeded to hide from him for the rest of recess. I felt like a little bitch tbh. DH always makes me feel like a little bitch.

before classes started again his gf found me and talked to me for like 5 minutes. she said I don't know DH like she does and that he's actually a really good boyfriend (HA, sure) and that I would be more liked and popular if I wanted to be, but it's "not normal" that I watch Adventure Time at 15. she also told me that DH intends to beat the shit out of me tomorrow. he said he'll "kill me" and ngl he has the physical strength to do so. this made me shit my fucking pants so today as soon as I got home I decided to pretend I was sick since I can be pretty good at acting. I told my parents I had a headache, I started fake-coughing, I said I felt really tired. I even managed to look pale on purpose by thinking of how fucking scared I was of DH and what he might do to me, and I raised the temperature of the thermometer by rubbing it against the fabric of my sweatshirt.

apparently I was so convincing that my parents agreed to let me skip class tomorrow and they even said I can skip it for the rest of the week if I don't improve (tbh I think I won't "improve" if you know what I mean) and I could see they were worried. this is the reason why I feel like an asshole. at the end of the day I'm making my parents worried, I'm lying about my health and I feel kinda guilty. but I'm too scared, and if I tell them the truth they'll just tell me to "man up" or they'll think once again that I'm just too lazy to want to attend school.

anyway. Adventure Time rocks 🤘🏻

[saruman-the-silly]

I can see through the scars inside you

tags: terzo x gn!reader, reader is depressed and is having an extra rough day, (I might've poured some of my religious trauma into this lol) hurt/comfort, angst, mild swearing! shitty google translate italian once again ::D italians dont kill me pls

this is a bit short, I meant do add some more but decided to keep it short and sweet <3

---------------------------

Everything feels just wrong. Your socks are itchy, your hair doesn't feel right, you haven't cleaned your room or replied to any of your friends who have been asking about you. It's just a full on downward spiral at this point and everything feels like shit. Your boyfriend, Terzo was coming back home today after a long tour but you just felt numb.

Speak of the devil, Terzo had just arrived with his ghouls and was surprised to see you were not there to greet him. Usually you were very excited to see him again, and would jump to his arms and shower his face with kisses. He frowned, this was weird and not like you at all.

Terzo quickly hurried to his room, dumping all his bags there and swiftly walked towards your room, intending to find out where his amore was hiding.

"Amoooooooreeeee, I've been looking everywhere for you my angel-" He dramatically burst into your room, stopping at the sound of crying coming from your bedroom. Terzo quickly walked over and peaked through the open door. There you were, bundled up in blankets and sobbing violently.

"Amore?" He sat down on the bed, gently taking your hand in his. You looked up at him with puffy red eyes.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, voice hoarse from the crying. "I meant to come down and greet you but..." You trailed off, voice wavering. Terzo kissed your hand tenderly and shushed you.

"It is no problem. I can find my way up the stairs myself," He grinned. Terzo cupped your face gently and kissed your forehead, wiping your tears away with his thumbs.

"How about some food eh? I can tell Omega to order us some Chinese takeout, while you, mia amata," He booped you on the nose, "are in for a nice bath."

Terzo hopped up and when you tried to get up he stopped you.

"Nonononono, this will not do. You stay right there with your lovely butt and I will soon be back." He dramatically bowed, winked and twirled around before marching to the bathroom, making you giggle.

After a few minutes he called for you to come in and when you opened the door you were greeted by the smell of you favourite scented candle.

Terzo had lit up the scented candles and put your favourite bath bomb in the tub. He was sitting by the tub, eyes full of love.

"Come on now, let's get you undressed and in the water." He held out a hand for you, making you tear up again. You started crying, and dropped down to your knees, leaning your head on his thigh.

Terzo sighed: "Amore mio, if only I could get rid of the terrors racking through your beautiful brain." He ran his fingers through your hair, gently combing open the knots that had formed. "If I could, I would take all of your pain, so you wouldn't have to suffer." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your hair.

You sniffled quietly, and looked up at him.

"I- I'm sorry I'm like this, I thought I was getting better and-" Terzo shushed you, and got down to the floor beside you, wrapping you in a warm embrace.

"Amore, nothing could make the love I have for you disappear, you understand? I am here for you, now and forever." He wiped your never-ending tears away and smiled.

"I can see through the scars inside of you, and your soul is not tainted. Even though you've been told awful things through out your life by those horrible people, you are more than that. You are my treasure, mio amore." Terzo kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms tightly around you.

"And to that stupid little cloud in your head that keeps telling you stupid shit, to him I say fuck off." You snorted at that, making Terzo grin.

"Now, let's get you washed up so we can have an impromptu movie marathon."

--------

thanks for reading <3

[havethetouch]

Life Update

Just a smoll update, I am doing better, lots of rest, embroidery and a lot of The Hobbit fanfiction helped a lot. (there is some sort of joke to be found in my off-times were I just wanna curl up a bit that I seek out really gay fluffy fics I'm sure)

But I also have been stressing out a bit lately and rushing through my house to get shit rearranged and stuff because idk if I ever mentioned it but I want cats again at some point down the line I dream of a pack of 4 lil black kittens (or five if someone just dumps a pack of 5 on the side of the road again bc that does happen often enough with black cats sadly.) Anyway but I am in no shape or form to take on some babies so that went on the backburner but I always joked through this year and even a bit of last year that me planning for cats will not pan out the way i imagine because for sure cats will find me first in some way shape or form (they always do) Yeah guess what tomorrow two senior cats will join my household I am stressed and excited and all over the place emotionally. Their owner sadly passed on and they needed a home and I was asked if I knew someone who would take on two 17 year old cats bc the living family of the deceased can't take them and if they end up in a shelter that will be it for them basically. Well.. yeah. I said I know a guy. Me is that guy. So yeah still some things to do and prepare even today because it ain't me if I am not stressing out over a deadline obviously. I can't wait to meet them.

On another note I am a bit sickly bc this month caught up to me I guess with all that stress and the ptsd stuff and last but not least: My fridge imploded. It is so dead it ain't even funny. I did not even notice when that happened bc I have not gone near it yesterday and I just realized that thing is dead. Still cold, thankfully. The pantry it is located in is very cold in itself so at least there is that. I will probably able to do something about the fridge situation next week I suppose. Idk how much a fridge costs I want the same I currently have tbh I never had to buy a fridge before so... making new experiences left and right I guess. Most of the stuff in my freezer went straight into aunties freezer she managed to make some space for it and the rest, well, that is all the fruit I harvested from my garden this year so I am about to make a shitton of marmelade today lol. So all in all things are quite good :)

[lovecolibri]

https://www.tumblr.com/lovecolibri/763019097825050624/am-i-a-loser-for-fearing-that-this-will-be-like-bt

I also want to say for this anon, because if they are just seeing that fandom bragging then they probably didn’t see the fact that Tim didn’t just share a review from a BT positive reviewer. Nor did he go looking for it. One of them once again decided to bother him and sent it to him.

But even then, it truly wasn’t that bad. They still reviewed the entire episode and all of the characters and was honestly pretty fair in the review. But when it came to Tommy’s scene in 8.1, yes you had no doubt they were pro Tommy because they reviewed what happened but also injected their hopes for his character.

But that said, it’s not the only review Tim has shared. He has shared multiple other reviews of 8.1; including one from Whitney, a very pro buddie journalist. And they have upon going to look as I write this, all gotten more engagement then the one from the pro BT reviewer. It’s also not new for Tim to share this. Last season he was sharing multiple reviews of the episodes on Facebook as well. And like you mentioned, it’s doubtful he reads them all in full if at all (we can gather this form the man himself since he confessed when thet fandom was trying to say him sharing their string theory video was game over for buddie that he just shares things sometimes that he’s sent to be polite but doesn’t actually look at them)

Another thing to point out is for the ratings of the episode, Tim’s first post about them was using the fan run 911 news (not to be confused with 911bts who is neutral) post, and the person running that is very much pro buddie and what feels like public enemy 1 to that fandom these days.

These are all things if you’re only seeing what they brag about you won’t see because it goes against their supposed “win”. Trust me today was not the big win they claim it to have been lol. (Also looking at you Oliver resharing the video and cutting it off right before that man showed up 😂)

Hey, thanks Nonnie! As I said in my post, I don't really know or follow what that man says or does because I tend to doom spiral and I need to Not Look for my own sanity and peace of mind. I see some things and what my trusted mutuals post about it, so I didn't know a lot of this!

Thanks for the info and for clarifying some stuff and this is also a friendly reminder that if you block those people and filter those tags you won't have to see any of the shit they are saying which can be nice! I know some people worry about only seeing one side of things and then getting blindsided by the show doing something they may have been prepared for otherwise, but blocking and filtering is always an option! (Honestly, my biggest fear is that I'll go into the tag or be poking around and reblog something from a T stan blog that I didn't know was being awful all this time just because EYE never saw any of their shit because I have it all blocked 🤣)

The lesson here is curate your experience however you need to have the experience you want to have. Some people WANT the drama and want to know what the other side is saying and that's valid! But if it's not working for you, find something that does! If you just need a hit of positivity before going back to the trenches, check out some posts in the Buddie tags or read some Buddie fics! It's never all doom and gloom OR sunshine and roses on either side, don't let anyone fool you!

Thanks for popping over with the info, Nonnie!

[or0ch1maru]

You said you'd write male reader after new years, so here I am. (Don't worry about it being bad, you'll be fine. I'm starved for make reader content)

Orochimaru x male!reader headcannons for a guy who is very stereotypically manly and big, but is a big softie in private for orochimaru. Bonus points for m!reader being a little bratty lol.

hii bby🥺 happy to see you here again🫶🏻

I’m literally about to cry. My tumblr crashed right when I finished writing this out…it didn’t save and now I have to start over😭

Anyway, let’s get to it❤️

•

•your first impression is either one or the other; extremely intimidating, or a protector

•your sheer size is enough to frighten the strongest Shinobi. If people are cowering away from how ‘intimidating’ you look, others are trying to take refuge by you

•apart from the general size of you, you come off as stoic, reserved, and all around a quiet guy. Not because you don’t like socializing, it’s just who you are. Especially when it comes to tasks, and missions

•apart from coming off private and confidential, another thing that makes you different from your fellow comrades is your love life

•there’s been many times where people will ask if you have a pretty girl waiting at home for you, and your answer has always been the same

•you flash a picture of your partner, orochimaru. A picture you snapped of them during dinner. It was your fifth date together, the one where the two of you made your relationship official. That was four years ago

•and you’ve been inseparable since

• you follow the same path you always do when returning home from a mission

•you stand in the doorway of your partners lab, watching them work for a few minutes with a kind smile on your face before approaching them

•wrapping your arms around their waist, or softly palming their hips. You rest your chin gently on their shoulder. Watching as they read, clean their tools, or type something up on the computers

•when they aren’t getting lost in their research, the two of you will be found glued at the hip

•whether it’s as you two make dinner, one adding the seasonings while the other stirs

•or on laundry day, the two of you will be found outside, enjoying the weather as you hang up your clothes and sheets on the line to air dry

•or on your off days, you’ll be nothing more than a jungle of limbs. Orochimaru massaging your muscles, while you play with their hair

•the two of you settled into the domesticated life very quickly once they moved you into their hideout, and your routine has never changed

•neither of you have or want what’s considered to be a ‘power dynamic’ in your relationship, but that sure as shit doesn’t stop you or orochimaru from acting out time to time

•like today

• “what did I say baby?” Orochimaru asks while their hand gently yet firmly holds your chin in their grip

•they watch as your eyes gloss over as you get distracted staring into their eyes. The golden pools taking in your face and body language

• “I asked you to bring me my tools, did I not?” Orochimaru continues, trying to get you to focus. “Hm” is all you manage to mutter out.

• “pay attention baby, what did I ask you to do?” They pry. “Get your tools” you reply softly, relishing in their gaze

• “good boy, now do as your told. Don’t make me have to ask you again. You know what’ll happen if I do.” They finish with a warning glance and a wink

•halfway to the cabinet where their tools are, you stop. Turning around and walking back over to where your partner sits. Returning, empty handed

• “oh, sweet boy�� orochimaru coo’s at you. Eyeing you over slowly. Goosebumps rise as you feel their eyes trail up and down over your body

• “now I understand what you want” they reply, a smirk slowly forming on their face

•you watch as they raise an arm, their hand stretched out for you to take. You follow the silent direction and slip your hand in theirs

•allowing them to carefully pull you to stand in front of where they sit, their work long forgotten

(Ended up pouring myself a glass of wine after the stress of almost losing the prompt a SECOND time😭😭)

[venjt]

A form of SH? (Self-harm?)

I wouldn't say it's a form of self-harm. Actually, the opposite! It's a form of self-care! From my experience and from friends' experiences, it's a coping mechanism that helps with our trauma. If antis, think we're making fun of the problematic themes that's far, far from truth, and a very harsh thing to think! If people make fun of problematic situations, then that's a problem, and I wouldn't want to associate myself with such a person.

I hope Antis knows that proships are against harassment in general and respect others with different opinions. (Or they should be. That's the definition, lol.) If a proshipper is threatening you, then they're just a shit person and don't belong in a no harassment zone while harassing. Yet somehow, I often see antis like to use their catchphrase "KYS" all the time. I find such attitude to be awful no matter proship/anti/neutral whatever. Harassment is bad. No one deserves to be called a "good person" if someone says awful things to other human beings.

But like I said, it's a selfcare kind of activity in fiction. It's a safe way to control or explore the dark themes in fiction. It's a healthy way to express the trauma without hurting oneself or others. Some antis don't know this, but when you've experienced trauma, it has to come out somehow one way or another. People don't necessarily HAVE to like dark themes to express or cope with their trauma. Everyone copes differently. Some happen to enjoy / cope with taboo subjects in the fictional space. Which there is no shame. Your fictional taste does not reflect your morals (obviously, lol).

This brings me to another topic, Antis, who believes that if a proship likes the taboo subjects in fiction (ex: incest, age gap, what else? Victim and murder? Lol, there's so much that antis doesn't like.), that it means they like it in real life. That's, again, untrue. Your fictional interest doesn't mean you like it in real life. So that brings the question, "Why do they like it in fiction then?". Well, like I said before, often, it's a coping mechanism. Other times, people just like it in the fictional world. Perhaps there's more or less to it, but it's not anyone's job to understand the why. And if you find it uncomfortable thats complety valid! There are some things I find uncomfortable. That's when we have the power to block and remove ourselves from looking and reading things that we are not okay with. LITERALLY. Like we don't have to intrude a "problematic" artists media if we KNOW what they draw! Or read something that says "non-con warning" or anything WITH a WARNING SIGN THATS THE POINT OF WARNING SIGNS AAAH ⚠️

My thing is, if you're a nice person who respects others and doesn't harm others, then you're good in my book lol I don't understand furries, but if they never hurt a person or never been disrespectful to your surroundings then you're gucci. I have some friends who I don't understand their fictional world, but they've been nothing but sweet to me. Who am I to judge their fictional interest if they as a person treat me better than many other actual human beings lol

Also

Proshippers are aware of what's right and what's wrong in real life. We don't like predators, or incest, or victim x murderers in real life. DUH! Antis, we're on the same page. We don't like those kinds of people! We keep telling them, but somehow, many of them can't differentiate reality and fiction, which to me I find that to be a very, VERY big problem in today's time. If the line of fiction and reality is blurred, then how can people express their creative freedom without having to take a chance of being a "problematic person" or getting accused of harsh things. Also HOW YA GONNA FACE REALITY WHEN RENT IS DUE NEXT WEEK?! If a person is a problem to another human being, then that's valid to stand up and speak out. Uh, with evidence ofc. Don't just spread around "so and so is a Predat0r because they like so and so ship." Fiction isn't evidence. People will look at you weird if you claim a person is a problem and provide a drawing of Plantcest LMAO. People are gonna be confused why you're showing a drawing to them.

Policing others on what's right and wrong in a FICTIONAL SPACE like that's a problem itself! They're fighting ghost problems and threatening REAL PEOPLE for their interests, and that doesn't sound like a healthy space for anyone. Activism is good, but to the fictional space where it doesn't affect people in their day to day life if very concerning. Hence, why people say "touch grass".

Not every proshippers are good people. Just like not every antis are good people. Every group have their problems. This whole black and white view is unrealistic. No one is perfect. No victim is perfect. No "unproblematic" person is perfect. The world is grey or as I like the world is rainbow.

This is very long lol

In conclusion, proshippers aren't self harming for indulging dark themes. It's a self-help (many therapists would recommend it). Self-harm is threatening others and policing others what YOU think is okay or not. Self harm is also avoiding your trauma and avoiding your fictional interest because others pressure you to think how they do. You're a person with your own mind. Allow yourself to express how you do and don't let others tell you how to think, feel, and tell you what to do. You're human. I'm human.

FICTION ≠ REALITY and be kind to each other! There's more to life than to get mad over what others like lol take a chill pill and think about what you want to make of this world!

Okay, have a great day, yall!

[mrs-monaghan]

Shaz i Just realized something today. Pple really need to start taking you more seriously when u say certain things. I remember months ago, you mentioned a few times that you know Jk would very much like to go Live with Jimin but maybe Jimin is the one who doesn’t want to. I remember saying to myself “nah Shaz is probably talking outta her ass and being very taekookerish rn” lol. But u were vindicated cuz we came to find out that Jk does indeed want to do a live with Jimin but Jimin is playing hard to get. I also remember you talking about how Jk hates the vermin but I personally had not seen any reason to believe he hated them cuz he still hung out with Tae and stuff but i guess these last few months or weeks have proved you right again because the whole world can clearly see that Jk has a problem with those pple. Let’s start with him looking almost disgusted at the mere thought of living with Tae, or how visibly uncomfortable he looked when he kept getting questioned about Tae on that Live, and also how everytime he does stuff for Jimin, the cult start manifesting he does the same for Tae and he just doesn’t. And now after liking that Jin video from a tk page, he went ahead to (probably) delete the comment prolly cus his algorithm got messed up with tk stuff. My point is, I won’t be completely closed minded to certain theories u come up with cuz u’ve actually been proven right quite a few times. Cuz who would hv thought we would see an almost desperate Jk insisting for Jimin to let him come over and do a live? I never thought i’d live to see a day like that lol.

Let’s be honest, pple wanna be like shippers this shippers that, but the truth is, Jk has never shown any discomfort at pple thinking he is fucking Jimin. Not even once, hell he is the only one feeding us jokers now cuz Jimin aint giving us shit to eat. Without Jk alot of us might have thought they broke up and gone about our lives but everyone can see clearly that Jk is the one still keeping us grounded in our Jikook belief. He does all these but doesn’t care to feed tkkrs at all. The only thing he does which feeds them is basically hanging out with his friend Tae. That’s literally it! He doesn’t go out of his way to do anything that might feed the vermin and that is why now, they are claiming Jk is Tae’s washing machine and Tae is Jk’s refrigerator lmaoo. That is why now they are getting hit tweets by claiming that old sounding hacking and coughing we heard from Tae’s live was Jk lmaoo. That is why now they are photoshopping blurry af pic to claim that tk went on a restaurant date and a beach date😂😂😂😂. Tae used to feed them alot b4 but for some reason he stopped so they basically hv nothing these days. Plus taennie gets one step closer to getting properly confirmed everyday and they are losing it. Now they are planning to hit us with “Jikook is fake love” everytime we have something to celebrate lmaooo.

Anyways, i respect you my dear. I’ve learned my lesson. From today i’ll be more open minded even when some of ur theories sound a lil taekookerish lol.

How I'm I supposed to take this ask?

I have said this a milli times; i go by history. My theories and conclusions depend on history. Has JK done this before? Have Jikook behaved like this before? The number one reason why Jikook stand out to alot of people is CONSISTENCY. This is why people like me who are convinced they're together believe this to be the truth. Because they are sooooo fucking consistent. Yeah after year after year they act the same, they are the same. Their behaviour towards eo has remained the same.

So no, I'm not all knowing or a Jikook professional but I am quite good at remembering useless things that will not help me IRL in any way shape or form. I will have dated my fiance for 4 years in October and I still mistake his year of birth. Thats right, I keep forgetting my fiancé's year of birth. But I know that when Jimin had his foot on JK's crotch, that took place in Bon Voyage season 1 episode 6, but we only see it in episode 8 the finale at 38 minutes in.

That's my mind ladies and gentlemen. 🤦🏽‍♀️

JK has been debunking tkkrs for years. Its not new. He genuinely does not like them. We know this because he goes above and beyond to correct anything that may be construed as him and V being a couple. But u will never catch him doing this for Jimin/ to Jikookers. And yes, this is fact.

We don't get debunked, we get fed.

I've consumed enough BTS content to see it happen so me drawing to this conclusion stems from HISTORY. (And talking with a bunch of great friends who love to analyse) All year we had seen JK be defiant and go against the company and be unapologetic about it. While we had Jimin telling him to stop drinking on live, making fun of JK for singing unholy (a sexual song) on live. So it only made sense to conclude Jimin was the hesitant one. Not JK. Jungkook aint scared to blow shit up but his boyfriend sure is.

If you work with the belief that Jimin and JK are a couple, all that's left is to observe. And u will come to the same conclusions that i (and my pals) do.

When Jikookers make delulu theories I believe we are allowed to. Because Jikook is real and because of this, we are most likely correct. Jikook have done some crazy shit over the years, u can't blame us for coming up with some crazy theories.

Thanks anon, I guess? 😳😳

[blitz0hno]

For the ask game: general 1, 3, 6, 7. Prisoner, 1, 3 (Amane), 4 (mikoto) I didn’t ask too much questions did I

I AM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG RAHHHH I got the notif, forgor, got another ask for this like a day ago, forgot again, and finally check my inbox today lmao you asked the perfect amount of questions no worries!!

General:

1. My favorite prisoner? It really is Mikoto I cannot tell a lie 😭 why? He's just... So heartbreakingly earnest. And when I was on Milgram Twitter back in 2021 I really didn't want his story to be a DID story. I wasn't about to discuss that stuff on a pretty public account no matter how intrigued we were. However, as time went on, and we thought about how all the other prisoners are "mentally ill" in some form or another, we held out hope that the whole "DID murderer who doesn't remember" thing would be subverted in some way. We came to really really look forward to his second trial, and after Purge March even moreso. In our opinion, Milgram team fuckin DELIVERED when Oct. 25th came around. While I personally relate more to John, Mikoto's story and how it's being told are very important to me. The extreme ambiguity of it all makes it better honestly; it's strikingly realistic in that sense. A host who has no idea what's going on or how to deal with it, in a boat with a bunch of presumable singlets who feel the same way, strikes a chord that few other medias have. Plurality is a very difficult topic to do justice, but I think Mikoto's narrative is very humanizing.

3. Favorite headcanon has gotta be the sibling-type relationships, particularly Amane and Fuuta. I love the idea of them stirring up trouble together. Trans headcanons are also my favorite anything ever (transmasc Fuuta and Mikoto/John and nonbinary Amane are my personal favs but transfemme!Fuuta, transfemme!Kazui and other trans headcanons are all GOATed imo)

6. RAHHHHHHH DIFFICULT favorite MV? siiiigh it probably is MeMe. Surprise tone-shift? Check. Tarot motif? Check. THE CRIME IN BRUTAL DETAIL? Check. Lyrics go crazy. Color palette goes crazy. Outfits go crazy. Although I will say "I Love You" is criminally underrated and provocative. Also LOVVVVED Harrow, Tear Drop, INMF, Purge March and Deep Cover. It's so hard to pick!!

7. Who I would get along with? Ironically, probably Fuuta. I think I would put up with his gruff attitude better than most, and we'd probably have similar worldviews regarding justice and the systems in place in society. I've been in similar (thankfully less serious) positions regarding his murder. We both enjoy video games and ramen lol he's still a little shit tho. I also feel like Yuno and I have very similar worldviews and would get along just fine.

Prisoners:

1. What do I think of Amane? Easily one of my favorites. Why? SHE IS SO REAL THAT'S WHY. She's thoroughly heartbreakingly indoctrinated but STILL trusts herself enough to do what's in her best interest in protecting herself. She denies herself so much joy to honor her devotions, even though I'm almost sure she will come to realize that the only "god" looking out for her is her. She just wants everyone to have the "heaven" of infinite happiness she's been promised, and doesn't yet understand that it's something one must make for themselves and that no one can see and know her every move and judge her like that.

3. Amane's first verdict was cruel, but I understand why it happened. Magic's very vague about who she killed and it seemed like she did it simply because the doctrine said to. It was almost like she'd been manipulated into doing it and didn't feel bad at all. When really, she was just joyous that she got to punish her abuser for once, using the rules THEY told her; not the other way around. I still do regret voting "unforgiven," personally. Her second verdict though? Based. I was in the trenches w y'all for that shit. Purge March my beloved. She had every right to punish someone who would torture a child and I don't see how Kotoko doesn't get that??? Amane inno sweep all the way they better treat my girl RIGHT from now on.

4. What do I wish people understood more about Mikoto? Woooo boy. How do I word this.

In the fandom: Mikoto is just a host alter - he's as capable of being mean and aggressive as John is capable of being nice. And his response to John and anger towards the protector is as natural as it is unfair. He's not immune to being a flawed human and deals with stress very differently from John despite sharing a body. Mikoto's denial keeps him going along "normally," but it's doubtless that "he," Mikoto, is truly the responsible one for the crime (as hosts often are the ones making big decisions). And idk, people seem to understand overall?? But there still seems to be confusion sometimes, about how John isn't "just" a protector, but a completely separate person/ego state. Neither one is the "main" alter, or a "nicer"/"better" alter. They're rounded people like the rest of the prison.

In-universe: I wish they understood him and John. I wish they knew he switched sometimes, and that though they're different they aren't dangerous just by virtue of being like that. I wish Mikoto wouldn't shame himself for not "measuring up," and accept himself and what he's done. But we're going to superhell so idk about that.

Thanks for asking!

[andromedaexists]

It's Been a Week...

Seven days ago I introduced my book baby (Δάιος, you might have heard of it) into the world! On 10/10 Icky baby made his debut!!

So what has happened since then?

Well, my personal life has become a living hell but that's not what we're here to discuss. Today is all about self-publishing a debut novel.

Icarus came into the world on the 10th with a KDP ebook and paperback release. Those were soon joined on the 11th by an ebook, paperback, and hard cover wide release through the distribution channels of IngramSparks.

I have learned a lot with this process. Namely: IngramSparks is a fucking bitch when it comes to covers, Amazon will not provide quality author proofs so I have no way of knowing what my book will look like before it publishes, and that I need to give myself more time to work out the kinks next time.

Before I get too far into details, I want to highlight some numbers here. If you do not want to see publication numbers then you are free to go! Thank you for stopping by, though!

Okay, so here are my numbers so far:

I had sixteen (16) preorders on the Δάιος ebook through Amazon.

On release day, these orders processed. I also received another 3 orders that day, bringing the total number to 19.

Since that first day, I have received a total of 26 orders through KDP.

As you can tell, I had a significant dip right after pub day. This is mostly my own fault, as I am terrible at marketing and by virtue of my life going to shit I haven't even been shitposting about my book.

Of these 26 orders, 5 of them have been paperbacks

This is a lot better than I expected!! I think it's because I am so partial to physical copies that I tend to push those first and foremost before the ebook.

But these are just the amazon KDP numbers, I have also gone wide with distribution!

So how many orders have I gotten through IngramSparks??? None.

Not a one. That's to be expected though, a lot of indies sell through amazon first and foremost. I mostly set up ingram for two reasons: 1. I wanted to hold a hardcover edition of Δάιος in my hands but i really dislike the way that KDP doesn't offer dust jackets for their hardcovers and 2. Consignment

I just finished filling out some consignment forms for my local NE Ohio bookstores, we'll see if I get into any of them.

There is one other place I sell, though: my website. How many orders have I gotten there? 6!!

one of those images is different, because on my website I can offer something that amazon and IS can't. Physical goodies. The books on my website come with a pack of 6 stickers, a thank you card, and my signature! And technically I have 8 orders, but one hasn't come through yet from a friend in person and the other is for Shane bb who is getting an annotated copy of the book (I haven't finished the annotations yet lol)

So now that we have all the numbers out in the open, let's talk about money. How much did it cost for me to publish δάιος? A lot. It is possible to publish for much less than what it cost me, but I went out of my way to commission a cover artist that I just knew I needed to have and that cost me a pretty penny.

All in all, I spent $2,920.16 ($1,703.02 is the cover alone after conversion from GBP)

And how much have I made back so far, just in week one?

$73.46 from KDP royalties and $44.82 from my website ($94.95 - $50.13 for the books alone, not even counting the goodies and packing supplies) for a total of...

$118.28!!! That's a lot!!!

I am very privileged to have a credit card I can put my expenses on as I slowly pay them off, and I do not regret anything I have done in the creation of my book. Even if it makes me cry a little bit at how much I spent.

Now that the numbers are over, what are some positive things that have come of this and some negative things? (pos first)

I have published my debut novel!

There are 4 people who have read my debut novel and liked it enough to rate it on goodreads! (it has a 4.75 star rating atm!)

My book is BEAUTIFUL

Icky baby has been unleashed on the world!

I feel like I've finally accomplished something with my life

DID I MENTION THAT I PUBLISHED A BOOK???

the negatives:

I really don't like that the colors of the cover don't print properly, every copy I've gotten either lightens the contrast so you can't see the title or it darkens the damned thing and you can't see Icarus

I also don't like that IngramSparks doesn't support any letters outside of the basic latin letters on the spine of covers, because that means that my baby is naked under the dust jacket and that's just boring

Amazon Fuckt Up my print proof (i will attach pictures) and I freaked out about it for a good 4 days

I just realized today that I published daios with a placeholder chapter title about halfway through the book... so I fixed that but there are already more than 30 copies of the book in circulation with that error...

Idk if it's just my bad eyes but I feel like the text is too small in the print books. I would like to make it larger when I publish the revised edition next year

INGRAMSPARKS IS A LITTLE BITCH THAT WILL YELL AT YOU AND REJECT YOUR COVER IF YOU LOOK AT IT WRONG

I can order just a regular copy of daios off amazon and it will be here in two days. So why when I order author copies does it take TWO WEEKS TO SHIP

I really hate that the hardcover can't have creme paper. Like, gimme the offwhite. It looks so much better with my cover and the vibes of the story. Lemme use something other than bleach white please i'm begging

All in all, I learned a lot with this!! I had my ups and downs, I think I've done everything in my power to make this book successful, and now I just have to roll with it!

I will check in again at the one month mark, but yeah! That's it! Thanks for reading through this long winded post!!

The pictures, as promised:

And just in case you can't immediately see what's wrong:

The colors are off, the title has like a hard demarcation when it's supposed to be a soft glow and you can't hardly see Icarus down there

My name is brushed up against the edge of the book when it's supposed to have a decent buffer room

The spine is shifted. Why is the spine text partially on the front cover?

The colors are off on the back as well, the text is hard to read and it's too close to the edge of the book when it's supposed to be more centered.

For reference, here's the finally front cover on a regular paperback purchased through amazon (I.E. what a normal customer would receive):

[aethes-bookshelf]

this lovely heart of mine || asra/reader

I am once again resurrected! Work and college have been kicking my ass, but I'm still working on stuff in the background (like fully plotting out and writing the rest of 'knowing you, knowing me' lol). In the meantime, I thought I could finish and post some of my shorter WIPs.

The whole 'sharing a heart' thing is a hc of mine btw. I hope you enjoy! ^^

Pairing: Asra/Reader

Wourdcount: 1.2k

Warnings: none

Summary: To bring you back, Asra gave up half his heart. But now that half lives on in you.

Two people, one heart. The two of you are never truly alone - and tonight neither of you want to be.

(AKA Exploration of the connection Asra and MC have due to sharing a heart.)

ao3 ver

The night was surprisingly cold for summer. Asra’s skin prickled with goosebumps as he rolled up the sleeves of his coat; he didn’t want them getting in the way of setting up camp. He unfastened his luggage to get his tent out. Pulling it out was a bit of a struggle  — it got tangled up with a few of the books and scrolls he had haphazardly stuffed in his bag while packing. Just as he was about to pull it out fully, one of the lines of the tent caught on a corner of a book and stretched quite a bit before slipping off. It hit him in the leg with full force.

‘Ow, shit!’ Asra jumped a bit at the impact. What started as a sharp sting quickly turned into burning. He lifted the leg of his pants to check the damage. His skin slowly grew darker in the spot where the line hit.

Asra sighed through his nose and reached into his bag again, this time looking for some soothing ointment to help the irritated skin. It was a good thing that blasted line hadn’t drawn blood — he wasn’t sure if he had any bandages on him, especially clean ones.

As he was patting the ointment onto the forming bruise — Julian’s own blend, apparently —  he noticed a probing, familiar presence at the edge of his mind. The symbol on his chest, normally hidden from view by his clothes, shone faintly through the thin fabric of his shirt.

Asra smiled, bruise and ointment both forgotten. He sat down cross-legged next to his bag, with the tent still sticking out of it. He made sure to face away from the still-bright lights of the village he was staying near — right at the border between small, white houses and the plane of grass surrounding them. He didn’t want the village’s people to see the symbol on his chest; what it represented was too touchy of a subject to share with near-strangers. They’d be sure to ask about it if they spotted it shining beneath his shirt. And they would spot it if given the chance to — most of the people who were still outside were young, their eyes still sharp. 

Besides… What he was about to do was a tad bit too intimate to do facing others.

* * *

You were busy packing an order at your shop. The sun was setting — it’d almost disappeared beneath the horizon. It was getting pretty dark, the brightness of the day giving way to growing dimness.

You snapped your fingers at nearby candles while collecting packets of dried herbs. A few flames sprung to life. They made shadows dance and flicker on the walls.

‘Will that be all?’ you asked the customer. You still wore your customary polite smile, but the day had been long and you could feel your energy leaving you. This person would be the last client for today, you decided.

‘Yes, thank you very much.’ They said, taking the merchandise off the table. They paid what was due and left through the open front door, wishing you a good night.

You liked them quite a lot — they were a regular in your shop — always made sure to stop by and buy something whenever they took a trip to this part of Vesuvia. But even their customary pleasantries and sunny attitude hadn’t cured your exhaustion.

You circled the front desk of your shop and went to the front door. You closed it with a heavy sigh. The lock clicked into place; you left the key inside it to spare yourself fetching it tomorrow.

Despite how tired you were, you still had to clean up the place. Tomorrow was still a work day, so you couldn’t leave your shop looking a mess.

You picked up a few parchment scrolls you’d used earlier in the day to roll them back up when you felt a familiar presence at the edge of your heart. It seemed like Asra finally answered your call.

Smiling, you sat down in a nearby chair and got to work on rolling the first scroll up. A wave of new sensation washed over you, taking you somewhere different.

You smelled fresh, crispy night air, tinted with a bit of incense Asra always carried with them in their travel bag. You felt grass beneath their folded legs as if they were your own. You heard voices from somewhere behind you — adults talking, children playing, a dog barking. Your leg stung a bit where the rope hit theirs. You frowned. Did they pack that ointment Julian made for them? Did the skin break? You didn’t think it did, there was no scent of blood in the air. Still, you worried.

Calmness rushed into your heart; you knew it was Asra soothing you. You took a deep breath, grateful for the reassurance. Everything was okay. They were okay.

* * *

Asra put a hand over his heart, right where the symbol was. Its light shone through the gaps between his fingers; it felt like warmth, it felt like home. It felt like you.

Leaving you these days was different from leaving you before you learned the truth about what happened. Before, every time he left, he was running away from you. There was a tinge of shame to it all. How a part of him feared coming back and looking you in the face again, knowing you didn’t know, couldn’t know about how the guilt tore him apart. How you didn’t know he had abandoned you once — and what it’d done to you.

Now, he longed for the day he’d see you again every time he left to restock the shop’s supplies. It was like being able to breathe after being submerged in water for far too long. No more fear, no more shame. Because now he didn’t have to hide from you.

He felt the plush softness of the chair you were in and the scrolls moving beneath your fingers. He heard the paper rustling as you rolled it back into place. Could smell the dust on it and the herbs drying by the windows of the shop. He could see the shadows flickering on the wall in front of you; if he reached out his hand, he could almost touch them.

Being with you like this eased the bitterness of being apart. Physically, he might be away, but anytime the loneliness was too much to bear, he could just reach out to you and you would answer. Always, without fail. Just as he would answer you.

Your feelings flowed through him in a steady stream. Comfort, love, tiredness. You should go to sleep, damn the cleaning. You could always do it in the morning.

No, there’s too much to do to leave it all for later, he thought. Thinking it was almost like you speaking to him, through him, but not quite. He still couldn’t put a finger on what it was exactly, but he had more than enough time to figure it out. He’d find out eventually.

Right now, the only thing he needed to know was that you were there, on the other side. That you were safe. And that when he reached out to you, you’d be there. No matter what.

[theokusgallery]

Is Nick narcissistic..? (Pretty sure he is???.. but I just wanted to make sure of it since I didn't fully explore this blog)

He has NPD yeah it's on his ref sheet

I'm not a medical professional by any means, I'm going off of research and personal experience — saying he has NPD just means I'm giving him a buncha symptoms, because with personality disorders that's how the diagnostic process goes yk, but tbh both him and Sunny have a lot of cluster b traits, I wouldn't even say he only exclusively has NPD and nothing else (or that Sunny doesn't have it either). The obsession he has with Sunny (and that Sunny also has with him) is something that most bpd havers I've talked to relate to lol.

Again when it comes to personality disorders (and especially cluster Bs), the disorders are just... patterns of behaviors that have been sorted out into categories. Also I'm frankly not a fan of the field of psychiatry and the state of it as it stands so I'm too opinionated to be objective about it —

— I can rant all I want about how calling abuse from a narcissistic person "narcissistic abuse" is stigmatizing and unhelpful but at the end of the day the people who made up the diagnosis called it "egotistical abusive fuck disorder" (same for historionic, antisocial & borderline btw, like how's no one talking about the fact that hpd and bpd are literally female hysteria but rebranded). And the process of making up the diagnostic criteria for aspd was just... surveying violent criminals. They put a fucking time limit on that shit as well, like, one of the diagnostic criteria is having a criminal record & exhibiting symptoms before the age of 15 (but they still won't diagnose you before you're an adult because God forbid you're self aware and try to seek help about it). And with psychopathy in cognitive science, which they'll swear up and down is unrelated to ASPD, it's literally the same thing except they try and tell you that "actually some people are just born with the Bad Person Gene" because they love to pretend they can identify who "bad people" are and how to 'sort them out'

Like. Cluster B personality disorders diagnosis are just collections of symptoms that are usually harmful trauma responses that a bunch of old bigots slapped a "obnoxious abusive bitch" label on. I hate the label of "narcissistic abuse" and the habit of diagnosing anyone you don't like with a personality disorder, even if they have exactly 0 of the symptoms, and I think it helps no one even if it's accurate — but I'm honestly not a fan of the label "narcissist" either, so.

When you're diagnosed with a (1) cluster b pd usually you have symptoms of several others. And there's symptoms that can arbitrarily be put into either category (spoiler alert: usually they'll decide that based on your gender lol). I am very critical of the DSM because between the guy who made up the "trans woman paraphilic disorder" being chair of the fucking thing, the history of stigmatisation & basing what's a mental illness off of what's 'socially acceptable', the trillion of unhelpful diagnosis that no one's ever heard of vs. DP/DR not being recognised as a disorder unrelated to other forms of dissociative disorders, etc etc... I just don't think that letting a bunch of old white neurotypical bigoted cishet men "categorize" the human psyche to decide on what's today's new target for Bad Person Syndrome is a good idea.

[acaciapines]

👀👀👀 Human realm alternate history??? 👀👀👀

djfkgkjdfg yeah turns out adding daemons to a world changes A Lot Actually.

mooooostly this is all stuff in my head (i need it to understand how the world gets to where it is today but its not like the characters really need to know it) but we do get a few peaks at it via belos! since in hollow mind we get some flashbacks to his youth.

i think the biggest things is just, how daemons came through and influenced things--belos himself is a puritan so mostly i had to sit down and figure out how tf daemons influenced various sects of christianity which let me tell you is NOT my strong suit lol. but ive done my best!! and its okay if its not perfect! its an alternate history this is just how it works in my world <3 (<- coping)

so, back in the 1600s/belos's time daemons were actually thought to be the soul of a person--theres this idea that like...daemons are not of the material world. people at this time would not have known of the existence of dust, so to them daemons were like. ethereal? its this idea that to be saved your soul has to stay pure--and a soul stays pure by removing itself from the indulgences of the material world.

which manifests in really strict ideas on how a soul is to interact with the world. a soul watches. a soul guides her human down the path of salvation, as, being removed from the world, she is able to exist above temptation. but a soul is not to speak, is not to interact with the world, because if a soul is to be tainted she cannot be saved. stuff along those lines. a soul speaks only to her human, and VERY rarely to close family. a soul takes her settled form to show the true nature of her human.

as time passed and religious ideas changed and america developed into the beast it is today, these ideas were kept but changed form. dust was discovered, and people learned that it was a particle present everywhere--but mostly in daemons. daemons were understood to be of the material world, but surely they also said something important about their humans, right? after all, it was the human who was born first, and the daemon that followed. clearly the settled form says SOMETHING.

so, daemons can talk! to other daemons. its understood that the human is the one with the deciding power, and the daemon is just...a companion. nowhere near as important. a human can survive without a daemon, but a daemon couldnt survive without a human (<- this is a lie its just a commonly believed one.) the system is built on certain things being 100% true all the time bc otherwise it all falls apart.

(note that this is not universal. this is sort of a huge thing that went on to influence america and its politics tho, which, luz is from connecticut, she's been thrown right into the center of this lol. other countries and cultures 100% have different ideas on daemons but i have no ideas as to what they are seeing as one thats not what the story is about and two i am in no way qualified to come up with that lol. i can talk shit about america tho. hiiii america </3)

and thats! some of it. Lore. he he :3

[yakultii]

I kid you not I was just sitting in the uni library and before getting up to give up for the day and leave I wrote in my notes app kinda jokingly but kinda not:

“maybe western beliefs are just so wrong maybe no amount of doctor can fix me maybe I am simply cursed lol for I have sinned many times and seek no forgiveness - a new level of insanity or clarity” (Ik my notes are full of weird shit.. I was also studying medical dominance and how westerners have made it seemingly superior to other forms of health practices/understandings such as religious sin etc for context)

AND I WALK OUT OF THE LIBRARY, START WALKING HOME WITH MY SAD MUSIC ON REPEAT, ON THE VERGE OF TEARS FOR NO REASON(bc life rough but im fine), ON THE EDGE OF CAMPUS AND AM FULLY FINDING MYSELF WILLINGLY BEING PREACHED TO BY A CULT about the heavenly mother oh my god they’re getting smarter LIKE SM SMARTER cause I almost believed this was just a hella feminist Christian for a solid 10 minutes help im out of practice I haven’t been approached by a cult member in like 6 months cos I rarely leave the house ANYWAYS luckily for me I have an unhealthy special interest? in the researching of cults and every single step of their indoctrination particularly the correlation of various korean cults indoctrinating australian white women (when I say cults I don’t just mean religious organisation, cos while there is valid argument that all religion could TECHNICALLY be cult-like, I need u to know I respect religion for others and what it is and am aware there are some prominent factors which differentiate normal religious organisation from genuine proper cult) luckily this particular cult wasn’t going to take me to meet its rapist leader in korea like most the other in melb but it does isolate u from ppl u know and force u to “donate” all ur money lmao fail bc im already socially isolated and I have no money LOLOOL anyways usually they ask for ur number but they also have half given up when u tell them u used to be religious and ur not anymore bc ur critical but this time they just gave me their number cos I think they thought I was like fully convinced cos I was stupidly engaging in the discourse with half interest (but only bc I was trying to make sense if what they were telling me was accurate or not from a religious standpoint bc I was raised Catholic) but sneakily she was telling me all about the Hebrew bible and shit with examples of Hebrew text I couldn’t read LOLOL and what I rlly should have said is god is not my mother or father bitch my (ex) god ain’t male or female, my god if existent be a genderless non human spirit referred to as “he” bc we live in a patriarchal society where male pronouns are pretty standard in referring to just about anything in English language ANYWAYS I lowkey love engaging w cult members while some ppl say dangerous I usually detach my interest while talking as further research into their communicative ways but today I was caught so off guard bc at my particular uni there are usually just religious preachers sometimes who have no ill intent and see my gay stickers on my laptop and give up before they even start knowing they are gonna fail but these ppl defs didn’t go to my uni they were just waiting on the outskirts for sad uni students to approach LMAO mission accomplished also they told me im a good listener when I was like zoning out bc I said yes yes yes when they asked me if I was aware of particular religions events and terms lol that was not very convincing bc I was not demonstrating good listening at all ANYWAYS this was a pointless and probably an incomprehensible story that I cbf reading over hope u enjoyed stay safe don’t go getting indoctrinated into a cult

[espithewarlock]

HI! Just wanted to say tbat take me with you is so so good 👌🫶

I love it so much and the dynamics between them all is so wonderful

Even if I do want to kick Danny's ass lol

Wondering as this seems? To be a series

Will there be like a follow up?

Cause I need Danny to get his shit together and that they (maxiel) kind GET a Happy ending but only if Danny is not a dickhead, I hope he has a good reason lol 😤😤😅

I am also so curious about alex,geroge, and lewis whole thing. Like can someone just sorta push them into a closet lol

But seriously everything I get a notification this fic is updated, I basically drop everything and is reading it as fast as I can 🫶🫶🫶

Love it and can't wait to see how this whole thing evolves 🫶🫶🫶

Hello!! 💚 I am SO thrilled every time someone tells me they're enjoying this story and, don't worry, I want to kick Danny's ass too. (He's being very annoying, isn't he?)

Not to spoil too much, BUT a lot of your concerns will start to be alleviated in the next chapter! (and Max literally pushed Alex into Lewis in the chapter that was posted today so...😇)

To answer your series question - yes!! This is a series, but the next fic will look backwards into the Piarles relationship. It covers how they get together, shows a little more of how omegas are treated in the world outside of their pack bubble, how the pack gets formed, and more! It'll start posting after Take Me With You is done and I hope everyone who likes that fic will join me for this one too!

Outside of that, I don't have anything planned for this universe. However, I am incredibly suggestible and will accept any prompts that people drop in my inbox here on Tumblr! (Once Take Me With You is done posting, of course!)

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this lovely ask in my inbox!! 💚