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skinni-girls-eat-books · 11 months

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Thursday November 9th

6am Woke up really well rested! Good!

Got sad when I saw I didn't have any messages overnight. CBT: This is your anxiety plugging emotions into nothing. Nothing has transpired, there's no real reason to feel anxiety, the anxiety is only coming from inside you.

Why hasn't he texted you? He's sleeping and he's a POS you don't need that controlling your energy. You can't control what he does. Reclaim your energy.

What am I thankful for this morning?

- nights rest, stretches, soft blankets, cool fan, and the fact that I have no hw due tonight! Think about that! ❤️

630am I should buy another candle for the bathroom for my showers lol don't know why the last one went so quick

7am tumblr can be a really nice positive space, it's like the only positive social media like that's kinda insane.

8am about to get ready for class, I can't stop thinking about him. I would like to try to not text him today just to see what happens really. I'm afraid he won't notice or not care and just not text me either. Maybe that's what I need. Whatever this is, is clearly not working. Got to leave early enough to get a coffee bc maybe that will distract me. Drink for lunch too, I'm tired of gorging myself and wasting money on food. Just breathe oh yeah I'm going to take a benadryl and maybe that will help with anxiety.

830am I want to text him so bad but I really shouldn't lol. He doesn't care enough to change. I won't say he doesn't care at all, but he doesn't care enough for me to keep doing this. I got an iced coffee and an egg McMuffin :)

11am Daydreaming about traveling over the break. I need to be realistic tho. I know I am able to take off on a flight somewhere but let's be real I probably won't have the time off and money to do something like that. I'll keep it in mind, but I don't want another Disney scenario where I just go completely broke on one adventure, I'd rather do day trips, maybe an overnight if that even sounds like a good idea. I like sleeping in my own bed unless it's for a really good reason tbh. I want to focus on things around here that I don't typically have availability or mental capacity to do. I know I'll have fun regardless. Maybe even do the plasma thing some afternoons or mornings really to fund the adventures I'll have on my true off days. Just thoughts :)

1130am I passed my HIV patient counseling! It says satisfactory in the gradebook! For some reason I can't see my rubric so I started to panic and doubt myself, but now I know I'm not the only one who can't see their rubric, so I'm sure that part is a fluke/ irrelevant :) just breathe and enjoy the passing grades ❤️ if something is wrong, someone will let you know ❤️

12pm lunchtime! I'm getting curry chicken. Journaling is actually helping a lot and made me realize how intrusive and repetitive my thoughts are when I don't write them down. It's like I need a little vent port for these thoughts to fly out of my brain like steam out of a boiling pot of water. Crazy tbh lol.

1pm Ate lunch outside with some friends and it felt great!!

3pm lol I zoned out during the whole Verbal Defense (not mine!) But then he texted me good afternoon so I sent him a picture of my sweet tea, nothing crazy. I won't let him control my evening. I just wonder what is his motive lol. During class I was looking up free and cheap things to do and it's funny how a little googling can come up with a thousand things to do! So much fun to be had in the world :)

4pm he got me looking at my phone for a text back bitch guess what I'm taking a nap just like I planned lmao I'm not waiting around to talk to you wtf. Call me like I asked you to if you wanna talk, I hate this texting shit and he knows that. What am I a high schooler? Texting bs got you into this mess in the first place dumbass. I'm eating a cupcake and taking a nap.

6pm I have woke up from my nap. No messages lol I guess he just wanted to see if I was alive?? Don't know don't care. Nap was ok, cats kept waking me up or micro waking me up I think but that's ok too :) - There's really only one week left of this bullshit I am so proud of myself ❤️ I actually love the idea of NOT burning myself out the last week so that when I leave school I don't necessarily NEED to do that hibernating thing where I feel like shit for 4-5 days afterwards. I'd like to exit my verbal defense maybe take a nap just like I did today to refresh and then shit take myself out for a nice dinner and get dressed up. Instead of getting drunk and passing out, I can do that most other nights after a closing shift 🤣 I want to start my vacay right away with no need to "recover" in such a drastic manner. Let's see if we can make that happen :) I think that also includes NOT avoiding fun things the next week, bc I always avoid fun stuff when I'm stressed as if I'm going to jinx myself, but I think I'm ready to break that curse of "all work and no play." We shall see ;)

9pm A little tipsy but I'm getting my work done :)

11pm I keep wanting to text him because I'm in a GOOD MOOD but when he doesn't reply it puts me in a bad mood....... So solution is simply DON'T TEXT HIM AND ENJOY YOUR GOOD MOOD QUEEN 😂 he's stupid for leaving and he's missing out on this drunken chill fest tbh and one day, I'll have a fuck ton of friends I've acquired through the years of being myself that I can randomly snap my thoughts to and they'll actually reply and care 😂

12am I know I texted him some dumb shit but idc I still feel good and I love journaling and Tumblr. Getting tacos again for dinner bc JFC I did a LOT of dumb shit work today. He's such a loser he can't do shit by himself not even get a taco 🤣 tbh one day I feel like you'll find someone who's gone through what you've gone through and you'll have so much in common and everything will just be EASY. Yeah I'm fucked but I'm not the only one going through this so I know I have an army of ppl out in the world who would have my back in a heartbeat and THAT'S what matters and what keeps me going fr.

1245am What a weird day. I want to keep journaling so bad I think it'll help me alottttt. I texted him a little but it's like it doesn't matter as much as it did previously lol. It's different now. Let's keep it up :)

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dirt-grub · 4 years

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YO wait what if i asked to go to the city for christmas or smth.... i havent been in forever its been like three years i think (edit i cant bc covid duh but its a nice thought lol)

#also nyc is the best in winter dont @ me #the lights always seem to shine brighter when its snowy n stuff :)#and its such a good time to donate to underprivileged folk #also giant christmas tree #id say id ask for my bday but i never get big stuff for my bday #i got a sweatshirt for my last one and nothing else lmfaoooo #shit im going to be 19 in march.#its half a year away but still ive barely done anything as an 18 y/o #i thought this year would feel longer lol #or at the very least longer than when i was 17 #i felt like i was 17 for several years lol #connor talks #last time i went was to see green day in central park so yeah its been a while #was supposed to go last november bc my school has a seniors in the city field trip every year but i was in the hospital isnt that fun #they didnt refund me >:(#i wish i could take friends tho... dont really have friends that close who i could take to another city all day #oh wait. i completely forgot about covid #yeah im not going to nyc then :(#i want to save up for when covid dies down tho #i would love to take a non nyc mutual to the city holy shit that would be epic #but expensive #a man can dream lol #WAIT no i went to the city more recent than that right?#i saw that mets game #but was that before or after the concert.... i have no idea #also yes baseball is boring #i just made out with my bf in the bathroom LAFOADSJJF #and i bought deep fried oreos and dropped them #i was so sad guess how fucking much it was for five goddamn oreos #TEN BUCKS ffs

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kyoupann · 8 years

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post/116429240515/nikeichin-04022015-break-out ?????? what is this??? meloryo interacted in 2015????

youtube

*I forgot this existed*

#anon #ask #unagi anon #it was a programme where they announced #stuff they were going to do #on the following days #v nice #2015 was a good year; if you ask me #shit went completely down in november tho #and from there it kept falling #but thennnn #we had cutiebutt crossdressing and everything was okay for a few months #until #it #happened #and I'm still bitter #B Y E

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golbrocklovely · 3 years

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never needed // colby brock

A/N: so fun fact about this fic is that i came up with it last year back in november. it was around the time me and my ex best friend stopped being friends. i was really in such a rough headspace, and i think the concept shows it. i just finished writing it today and wow... i still feel this way to some extent, but not fully (thank god). also i literally cried while writing it today so there’s that. hope yall enjoy this one. i'm trying to post a bunch of fics since this coming week is my bday (the 14th). no guarantees, but i'm trying my best to put out at least six things. let me know what you think of this one. see yall later :)

prompt: colby has been ghosting you for a while, just when things were starting to get good between you two. after a week of ignoring you, he’s finally ready to talk. || fem!reader x colby brock

trigger warning: angst, cursing, heartache, crying, honestly this one is really sad so sorry about that, happy ending tho

word count: 2331

~~~~~~~

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I groaned to myself, staring at my phone.

Colby was still ignoring me, something I had grown accustomed to this week. He had ghosted my calls and my texts. He turned his read notifications off too, so I had no clue whether or not he had even seen my messages at all.

Everything had been going great between us. We had met a couple years back and hit it off as friends right away. I always thought he was attractive, and our friendship was always really flirty; so much so that fans thought we were together. And then finally, something clicked a couple months back. I wasn't sure if it was the accidental drunken kiss we shared, or just a built up of feelings, but we finally decided that maybe we should test out an actual relationship.

We promised each other we would take it slow, both of us still heartbroken from our previous relationships and our general trust issues. But these past two months, we went into overdrive, actually taking the time to feel each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And for the first time, I felt happy. Genuinely happy.

A week ago, we had even gone on a cute little date, something we had started doing regularly. We were in the middle of our conversation; I remember I laughed hard at something he said. It was loud enough that some of the patrons in the restaurant stared at us. And when he tried to shush me jokingly, a silence had fallen over us.

His face dropped suddenly, he became super serious and quiet, and then he asked if we could go home.

He told me the next day that he thought he got food poisoning and it just hit him in the restaurant. I didn't think anything of it and was fine with going home early.

But now, I wonder if he was lying.

I looked back down at my phone, reading over my messages from the past week to him.

Was I taking this too far? He could have just been busy. I don't wanna come across as clingy.

"Ugh, fuck that." I muttered out loud to myself, rolling out of my bed to get a drink.

I didn't care if I came across as clingy. I had a right to know why he was ignoring me. If it was work related, he would have told me. He had done that in the past before.

This was different, I just knew it.

Tomorrow, I planned to go over and see him. I would have done it tonight, but I knew he wasn't home. He was out with some friends at Saddle Ranch. Like a fan, I had to watch his stories on Insta, since that was the only way I knew where he was.

"Don't expect too much from him." Sam said.

I shook my head at that memory. When we got together, everyone was happy for us. But I could feel a certain tension in the room, a certain caveat that wasn't being mentioned. Later that night, Sam and I were by ourselves, and he asked me if Colby and I had really made our relationship official. I told him we hadn't gone all the way, but that we were taking it one step at a time.

"I'm happy for you guys, really. I just wonder..." His voice trailed off.

I cocked my head. "Wonder what?"

"Look, I love you both, but I don't know if Colby is really ready for a relationship. There's a lot of things he still needs to work through." He stated.

"We're not that serious." I laughed.

"Yeah, yet. If you plan to be, I just don't want you to get your heart broken because he wasn't ready." Sam admitted.

I patted his shoulder lightly, smiling. "Relax, Samuel. Everything will be fine."

"Alright. Just... don't expect too much from him, okay?" He mentioned, his eyes narrowing on mine.

That had been two months ago and... I think I should have heeded his warning.

A loud knock at my front door brought me out of my thoughts, scaring me. I grabbed a knife from my kitchen, striding over to the door. I glance through the peephole to see who was there.

Colby's face stared back.

"Y/N, it's me. Can you open the door?" He called.

I scowled at him through the peephole. "Sorry she's not home right now. Maybe you should try responding to her texts.”

“Look I'm sorry, but that's why I came over. I wanted to talk in person.” He replied.

“Damn, that’s a shame. Too bad she’s not home!” I exclaimed angrily.

“C’mon now, don’t be childish.” He remarked.

I swung the door open, holding back from yelling into my hallway. “Childish?!”

He smirked at me. “I knew that would get you to open the door.”

“You’re not funny.” I deadpanned, glaring at him.

“Can you please let me in? I seriously want to talk.” Colby responded, his eyes landing on mine.

“No, Colby. It’s one o’clock in the morning, I don’t feel like talking, and you’re drunk.” I jeered, resting my hands on my hips.

He scrunched up his face dramatically. “No, I’m not. I only had like two drinks.”

“Oh my mistake. I figured a person that randomly comes over to talk at the ass-crack of night is usually drunk,” I quipped. “Don’t you have better things to do, like be at Saddle Ranch?”

He stepped back, raising an eyebrow. “How’d you know I was at Saddle Ranch?”

I could feel my cheeks heat up. “Because… I watched your stories.”

“Nice to know you pay attention to me,” he uttered under his breath. “Please let me in.”

“No. Fuck off, Colby.” I hissed.

He rolled his eyes at my comment. “If you don’t let me in, I’m just gonna make noise out here in the hallway until you do.”

“Bet.” I huffed.

“What was your favorite movie again… ‘10 Things I Hate About You’?” He questioned, stepping back further into the hallway.

I blinked. “Yeah, so what?”

He looked up at me, giving me a devilish smile. “…You’re just too good to be true.”

My face dropped at his voice. “Colby.”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” He sang, pointing at me.

“Are you really-” I started.

He cut me off, running his hands down his body. “You’d be like heaven to touch.”

I hushed. “Seriously stop-”

“I wanna hold you so much.” He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself.

I grunted, smacking my hand towards him. “Colby, it’s one in the morn-”

“At long last, love has arrived.” He opened his arms wide.

“Shut the fuck up!” I whisper-shouted.

“And I thank God I'm alive.” Colby praised up towards the ceiling.

I retorted. “You’re fucking embarrass-”

He spun in a circle slowly. “You're just too good to be true.”

“I knew giving you the code to my apartment was a bad idea.” I grumbled.

“Can't take my eyes off of you.” He winked, pointing at me again.

Colby took a big inhale, ready to start singing the music, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him into my apartment.

I slammed my door shut, locking it quickly. “Next time you do something like that, I’m gonna kill you.”

“That’s not very- why do you have a knife?” He motioned toward the knife sitting on my side table.

“What-? Oh, I thought you were an intruder.” I explained.

He lightly smiled, his dimples appearing. “You think an intruder would knock?”

I snapped, annoyed. “Aren’t you here to apologize?”

“Right, right,” he cleared his throat, his demeanor changing. “Y/N, I’m deeply sorry.”

“Sure.” I narrowed my eyes, walking towards my kitchen.

He followed me. “I know what I did was fucked up. I should have responded to you.”

“You completely ignored me for over a week.” I informed him, resting my back against the counter.

He nodded. “I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I crossed my arms uncomfortably. “…were you busy?”

“No, not really.” He divulged, dropping his head.

“So, you purposefully ignored my calls and text…” I could feel my hands shake against my arms.

“You make it sound bad-” He mumbled.

“It is that bad.” I emphasized, stopping him. “Colby, you wanna talk about being childish? That shit was childish.”

He agreed. “I know it was.”

“Obviously not since you keep joking about it.” I argued.

“I’m not trying to joke,” he protested, running his hands through his hair. “Do you wanna know the honest to God truth?”

“Of course I do.” I answered, furrowing my eyebrows.

He exhaled, glancing at me. “When we first got together, even though we were taking it slow, I was terrified to date you.”

“Terrified?” I puzzled.

He swallowed hard. “Yes. Scared shitless.”

“Why?” I questioned.

“I thought it was because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But then… at dinner,” his voice lowered, his shoulders dropping. “I realized it was more than that.”

I shook my head, confused. “What are you ta-”

“I’m falling in love with you, Y/N.” He confessed.

His words made me step back, my breath hitching in my throat.

I choked. “What?”

“When you laughed really hard, and did that cute snort thing you do, I remember we looked at each other… and all I saw was you,” his eyes bore into mine, causing goosebumps to rise all over my skin. “No one else in that restaurant existed. And in that moment, I wanted to tell you I love you.”

I stammered out words, unable to think clearly. “S-so… you-”

“When I felt it, I knew I had to go home. Because I was just so shocked at the feeling. I haven’t felt that way for anyone in a long time.” He sighed exhaustingly, “and… I apologize that I ignored you. Every time I saw your messages, I knew I should have responded. But my body, my mind, wouldn’t let me.”

I frowned. “Because you love me?”

“Because… I’m scared to love you.” He admitted.

A heavy silence fell over the apartment. I shuddered out an exhale, not even noticing I had been holding my breath in for so long. Colby closed his eyes, twisting up his face, and turned his back to me.

“Why are you scared to love me?” I gulped, scared of his answer.

His shoulders tensed as he gripped the counter. “The last time you felt heartbroken… did it leave you feeling empty? Because that’s how I felt… for so long. It’s not even the empty feeling that bothered me. It was the fact that I knew something used to be there… and now it’s gone. I miss who I was before.”

I opened my mouth, but no words escaped.

“I have this deep, guttural feeling that you’re gonna realize I’m not worth loving, and that there is someone else out there that is, and you’re gonna leave me.” His voice trembled as he spoke, “everyone… always leaves me.”

I gasped quietly. “Colby-”

He turned back to me, his face becoming red. “I just feel like no one ever needs me, you know? Like some people only keep me around because they don’t have the heart to just tell me they don’t care anymore. Even Sam has someone else.

I consoled. “That’s not-”

“And I know it’s selfish to want everyone around me to only want me. I don’t really feel that way. I just… don’t feel like anyone really needs me as much as I need them,” his chest quaked as his breathing began to speed up. “And when you realize it too… I don’t think I can live through that fall out again. I don’t think I’m gonna survive it.”

“Wait, Col-” I murmured.

“At that dinner, I had this gut-wrenching anxiety come over me; a voice in my head that said ‘she’s gonna leave you too’ and… I’m just so sorry.” He panted, his eyes welling up.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly, pressing his body into mine as hard as I could. He buried his face into my neck, his body almost going limp against mine.

I couldn’t help my own tears spill as they landed on his shirt. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way before?”

“I was ashamed. I should be stronger than this.” He fumed through his tears.

I rubbed his face lovingly. “Who said that? You are strong. Expressing your emotions is strong.”

He nodded, croaking. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course. How about tonight you stay over, and then in the morning, we’ll talk about this more? Okay?” I suggested, resting my hands on his forearms.

“Yeah.” He whimpered.

I smiled brokenly. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

I lightly grasped Colby’s hand, pulling him slowly into my bedroom. He stumbled along, his head remaining down.

I sat him down on the bed and slid off his jacket, placing it on my dresser. I cupped his face, tracing his jaw with my fingers. His eyes finally landed on mine as I tilted his head up.

I leaned down and kissed his lips, resting my forehead against his.

“I’m not gonna leave you, Colby.” I stated, gazing into his eyes.

He begged in a hushed tone. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t. I promise.” I reassured, kissing his forehead.

I walked over to the other side of my bed and laid down. Colby kicked off his shoes, taking his belt off and pulling his jeans down. After getting undressed, he slid into bed with me, laying his head down softly on my chest. Wrapping his arms around me, he buried his head into my neck again, sighing against my skin. I ran my fingers through his hair, a light hum falling from his lips. I ran my other hand up and down his spine, feeling him shiver under my touch.

“We’ll be okay, Colby.” I whispered.

#colby brock #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fic #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock oneshot #colby brock x reader #colby brock one shot #colby brock angst

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vosiro · 4 years

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⇾ Pairing: Kuroo Tetsurō x F!reader

⇾ Warnings: this shit nasty fr 18+, also CEO!Kuroo bc that’s sexy,

⇾ Authors note: In honor of my husbands birthday, I decided to write this nasty ass shit😜. See, ion know what demon POSSESSED me to write this but...🧍🏾‍♀️anyway, Y/n is implied black, but if you’re not black it’s ite!! There will be some use of AAVE on Y/n’s part tho, and she not finna be one of them “I-I-...b-but k-kuroo!” Shy bitches NONE OF DHET. She a bad bitch and that’s on prd. (Shy bitches still bad doe!!) is this self indulgent? Yea idc 💃🏾

≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣ ≣

It was officially November 17, your husband’s birthday. When you had woken up, kuroo had already left for work, so the bed was empty. For the past week and a half you’ve been contemplating what to get him. You see, for your birthday, kuroo always showered you in gifts, money, clothes, anything you wanted. That was exactly the problem. Kuroo had the money, the expenses and the power to get anything either you or him wanted, what could you possible get him that he couldn’t already afford himself. For the past couple years y’all were married, you two always went to some fancy restaurant to eat, then went to a hotel to have some casual birthday sex. This year, you wanted it to be different, you wanted it to be special.

You walked into your local bar in a thin, golden bodycon dress, with a black, expensive fluffy jacket, that just made your skin pop. You just looked like walking money. And ofcourse kuroo had to have his girl walking around with that Hermes Birkin 30cm Himalayan with diamond hardware. You looked around the bar before you saw kiyoko waiting at a table. “Heyy shimizu” you gleamed, sitting down at the empty seat across from kiyoko. “Hey, Y/n-Chan” she replied, passing you the drink that was preordered.

“So.” You sigh.

“So? What’s wrong?” Kiyoko questioned.

“I don’t know what to get tetsu for his birthday...” you replied, taking a sip of your drink.

“I’m sure he’ll like anything you get him.” She reassured.

“Girl, but listen...This man got 4 cars, 3 houses, a visa black card, and a bad ass bitch. What more does he need...wtf do you be getting ryōsuke for his birthday??” You questioned

“Well, he usually likes anything I get him. It’s all about the thought y/n. You love him right? Any gift from your heart, he’ll like.” Kiyoko answered.

“Girrrr....you right, you right. Matter ah fact, I have an idea.” You grabbed your lil birkin bag and started to get out the chair “thank you shimizu! Make sure you get to the party at 7:30, tetsu’ll be back at 8!” You said as you rushed out the bar.

You made your way to the expensive lingerie store that was right next to the penthouse you live in with your husband. You quickly entered the store, looking around for something sexy, but cute, but nasty. Kuroo would never admit it, but he gets flustered easily. When you bend over, when you lean down infront of him and he gets a nice view of your tits, when your skirt’s a little too short, when you call him in the middle of a business meeting, and he has to excuse himself so he can fuck his fist to your moans and cries over the phone. You knew exactly how to rile him up, and that’s one of the things he loved about you.

You’ve been browsing the lingere sets at the store for a while, before you see it. A perfect thin, red, sexy, lingerie with garter belts. Not to toot your own horn or anything, but this would just make your skin pop. You quickly grab the set and pay for it, making your way back to the penthouse after.

———————————————————————

It was currently 7:58. Kuroo was expected to arrive at 8. Guests were under the table, hiding behind chairs, any possible place a person could squeeze themselves into. You were hiding under behind the kitchen counter with kiyoko. “Psst. Shimu,” you whispered.

“I’m right here y/n..” she replied.

“Right... anyway, guess what I got tetsu for his birthday.” You asked eagerly.

“Your love and affection??” She answered.

“Girl no...well yes...but no.” You said.

“Then what?” Kiyoko questioned.

“I got 𝐿𝒾𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒.” You replied

“You’re making him wear lingerie??” She said.

“...😏” You smirked

“I’m kiddi-”

*clack*

The door to the penthouse opened slowly and everyone let out a big

“SURPRISE!”

Bokuto ran up to kuroo and gave him a big bear hug “HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!” he exclaimed. Kuroo went around greeting everyone, and thanking them for showing up. You were still talking with kiyoko before he started to approach you. “I should leave you two alone.” She she said before walking away to talk with her own husband.

“You planned all of this for me, baby?” He cooed as he took you into his arms for a hug, “yessuh, anything for you.” You said nuzzling your face into his chest. He started to place small kisses down your neck “fuck...I missed you...” His breath was hot against your skin “not here...let’s wait till the party’s over okay, babe?” You wanted to, you wanted to so bad... but one thing about kuroo is he goes feral when you make him wait

———————————————————————

11:00. The last few guests had left a while ago, and kuroo had just got done finishing his shower after you had yours. He walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, his chiseled chest on full display. This man was always so damn fine, like whew fuck it’s getting hot in hea fr. He sat next to you and started kissing ur collar bone, slowly removing your robe from your skin.

“You don’t understand how bad I wanted to fuck you,” He whispered into your skin. “I was hard the entire night...”

He completely removed the robe from your skin. “Oya? What’s this, baby?”

“Surprise.” You moaned slightly as he slid his hands to grip your ass “tonight, I’ll let you do anything you want to me..”

He halted in his movements “anything?”

“Mhm~” you reassured

You reach down to palm him through the towel, “someone’s really excited.” You say as you stroke him slowly. “That’s because my girl looks so damn sexy right now...and she’s letting me do whatever I want tonight.” Kuroo reaches down to rub circles on your clit.

“Mm~” he stick his tongue down your mouth as you let out your moan. “You’re so wet...it’s seeping through your panties and spilling onto my fingers..” he grins “only for you, daddy..” you say.”

“Fuck..the whole day I was thinking about coming home and fucking you... I even jerked off to the thought of you at work today,” He flipped you over onto your hands and knees, “Now you’re here...all sexy for me.” The towel slid off, and so did your panties as well. “I’m gonna fuck you so good baby, you won’t be able to walk or talk after..” he cooed, rubbing his tip along your folds

“W-wait tetsu, you just not gon prep me or n-fuck!!” He slammed his cock into you with a deep groan.

“Just Shutup and t-take it... fuckk...you’re tight.” He moved in and out of your cunt at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Faster daddy..” you moaned out

“Yea? My baby’s feeling good?” He picked up his pace and started jamming into you harder. You lifted your body up slightly. “Stay the fuck down.” He growled as he grabbed your neck, not wanting to mess up your hair. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good baby.” He was picking up the paste and hitting that one spot he knew you liked. You were moaning loudly into the pillow before he flipped you over onto your back.

“I wanna see that pretty face when I fuck you.” He started fucking you slowly in mission watching his dick get covered in your cream as went in and out. He then took your hand and put it on your lower stomach. “You feel that baby?” He picked up his pace slightly. “You feel how deep I am? Fuck.” His eyes were tainted with lust, and cheeks painted with blush. Your hand felt each and every thrust he was putting into you.

“F-fuck tetsu, you’re so big..” you whimpered. Kuroo was always a sucker for praise. “Yea? Look at you, you’re such a good girl taking all of it.” He groaned out.

“Open your mouth baby.” He stuck two fingers in your mouth coating them in saliva, then slowly sheathing them into your other right hole. You whine out at the stretch. “I want both of my kitten’s holes to be filled tonight.” He let out as he stretched your ass.

“Shit, relax baby, you’re so tight you’re gonna cut off my circulation.”

“F-feels s’good” you moaned as he continued to satisfy both your holes. “C’mere baby.” He pulled you into the reverse cowgirl position. “You knew what you were doing naughty girl” he groaned as you bounced on his dick “shit...dressing up...fuck...like that.” You were squeezing him so tightly and it just felt so good.

“Yes, I knew..mm~” there was no point in lying, you knew exactly how kuroo would react. He landed a smack on your ass “I’ll have to punish you princess,” you heard a spit noise come from behind you, then felt a warm trail of saliva roll down onto you right puckered ass hole. Kuroo massaged the liquid around the hole “fuck, you think my dick would fit in here? My cum dripping out of you pussy and you ass? That’s so sexy..” you winced as he stuck his thumb inside. “Shi.. does it feel that good? You like that? You’re squeezing so tight, fuck.” He groped your ass, letting out a low moan.

“Suck your cream off my dick baby.”

“Yes daddy.” You replied getting off of him and on your knees. You take his girth cock into your mouth. You started bobbing your head quickly, tasting yourself on his dick. He place a firm grip on the top of your head. “Y-yes, just like tha...mm.. fuck.. your so good to me baby.” His hips started bucking into your mouth roughly, you could tell he was close “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

He grabbed your head halting you to stop. “I wanna cum inside you..”

“Then do it daddy, cum inside me...”

“Fuck. Get on your hands and knees.”

He slid back into you once again letting out a deep moaning after regaining stimulation “how are you still this fucking t-tight...no matter how hard I fuck you...fuck.” He leaned forward and stuck his fingers in your mouth while pounding you into the mattress.

“Mm~ tetsu I’m close~” you whined out

“Yeah? Cum for me baby, milk my cock, I’m gonna stuff you so good.” Ah yes, an even more feral kuroo...truly delicous. “I’m gonna fill you up with my kids...fuck what if you get pregnant.” He groaned. “You’d look so cute with your tummy swollen.” He started picking up his paste, pounding into your sweet spot even harder. “Tetsu, I’m- nngh~ fuck.” Your orgasm washed over you, you were completely fucked out, but he still kept pounding into you.

“Fuck. That’s right, cum on my dick.” One of his arms were on the headboard while the other was wrapped so comfortably around your neck. “C’mon baby. Cum for me one more time. I know you can do it.” He grunted

“I c-cant tetsu.” Your body was still shaking in ecstasy. “Yes you can, c’mon” The hand around your neck reached down to rub your wet clit rough and fast. Needless to say he had you cumming in no time. “Fuck fuck fuck tetsu-”

“Shit, I’m almost there baby, just hold on for a littl- fuck.. bit more.” His thrust started to grow sloppy. “Fuck, I’m cu-uh..nngh.” He let out the most deep and beautiful moan as he spilled his seed into you with one last thrust. You fell onto your back and kuroo right on to of you.

“Fuck baby, that was the best birthday present ever.” He huffed, still out of breath

“Mm~ tetsu! You went too rough..now I’m finna be aching all day. My entire body hurts.” Yo complained.

“Atleast your sexy and in pain.” He said, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Stfu.”

Fin.

———————————————————————

Did I proof read this? No🧜🏽‍♀️ anyways I wish kuroo a happy birthday mwah 🥰

Me writing plot: 🤮👺🤢👹

Me writing sex scenes: 😏🌝😜🥰

#kuroo smut #kuroo x reader #nekoma #nekoma smut #haikyuu smut #haikyuu!!#my writing #haikyuu x black reader #kuroo x black reader #kuroo fluff

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silverstrike · 4 years

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Okay, so I promised a more comprehensive post on what is happening in Poland so let's go.

(CW: mentions of police brutality, violence towards protesters, homophobia and general bigotry):

- November 11th marked the Independence Day: fascist thug groups, proudly calling themselves "patriots" spilled into the streets. The protest was meant to be motorized, as per the organizers' declarations, however it turned into a full-blown march soon after.

I posted in the previous post, that these thugs at some point spotted a balcony of an appartment with a rainbow flag hanging out as well as banners supporting the recent pro abrotion movements hanging in the windows, and started throwing flares and fireworks at it.

They missed however two other appartments were hit, in one's case the flare managed to get inside and start a small fire. These thugs didn't do anything to call for help even crying out "Let that wh*re burn".

Thankfully nobody got harmed and the appartment in question (an art studio) only had its doors burnt. Later that day a group from one of the antifa collectives came to repair the door completely free of charge.

Aside from that there have been a shit ton of incidents happening during the march, mostly ending with lots of property damage and destruction.

A couple reporters got hurt by cops, inspite of them wearing the "Press" vests to identify them.

One of the reporters, a 74-year-old man, got shot in the face with a rubber bullet by a cop. Luckily he's safe now and was provided medical treatment.

Of course much of the right-wing government deemed the march a "success".

- The polish Prime Minister has declared that the government is planning to veto the proposed EU budget. Their reason is being in opposition to EUs terms in regards to countries needing to maintain their systems of justice intact and to ensure that everyone is equal in terms of law (of course the issue is far more complex than that but that's basically the rundown).

Of course the more batshit MPs from the governing party have pulled out their tired old boogeyman of "if we accept their terms we will lose all sovereignty, and we will be forced to *gasp* LET THE GAYS MARRY AND ADOPT CHILDREN!"

This may not seem like a minor thing but if these clowns reject the budget, we could lose millions of Euros, which is catastrophic considering our medical system is dying (representatives of the nurses' union have declared a strong possibility of their being a general strike of nurses in the whole country) and our economy is downward spiraling.

- As I mentioned in the previous posts the pro-choice protests are still happening on a consistent basis. The ruling of Constitutional Tribunal remains unpublished - meaning it essentially exists in limbo as far as it being part of the law.

The main strongest hypothesis is the government is either trying to wear down the protesting groups or is waiting to introduce the "National Quarantine" and make people stay home, and then publish the document.

Regardless, last night there was a march happening in Warsaw. Even tho the protest was peaceful, the protesters were attacked by cops, who sprayed pepper spray/tear gas on them.

Another group of cops in civvies attacked protesters with metal telescopic batons.

23 people got arrested, many of them suffered bruises while on their way to the police stations.

Couple of MPs from one of the opposing parties got assaulted by cops outside the building of the parliment. One of them got her parlimentary ID torn in half by a cop.

Photos of these incidents as well as videos are all online, but they are incredibly heartbreaking and distressing so I advise you not to look them up.

In many cases inhabitants of tennant houses located in the old part of the city, left ladders allowing young protesters to jump over the fences and take shelter in the buildings to avoid unjust arrests.

- Also yesterday, there has been an instance of cops harassing a 14 year old boy in the city of Krapkowice in Poland. The kid has been posting some information about protest marches on his FB page and since then the cops have been harassing him. First they came to his home and informed him that if he goes to that event, he'll be treated as one of the organizers and given a sentence of 8 years in prison (for someone his age it would mean 4 years in juvenile detention and 4 years in prison once he enters legal age).

The cops also went to his school and informed his head teacher about the whole situation.

So those are the four main events that have happened in Poland in the span of a week. Of course there is a lot more than that but these four, I think are the most essential.

Poland is honestly becoming too scary to live in...

#Poland

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clevercatchphrase · 4 years

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2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

ON TO 2021!

I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

Good night.

#long post #new year's resolutions #year review #year retrospective

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sevdrag · 4 years

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dreamwidth update: isolation

(content warnings: i just talk about the shit that's going on rn cause i gotta, but if any of it is triggering for you, be careful or scroll past)

so, as it turns out - as anyone could have predicted - i'm behind AF on nano.

look, a lot of it is that the first week of november got tied up in the hellhole that was america's election. fuck. i had done a lot of research and i knew what to expect and i STILL DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. that entire week was draining as fuck and even the relief of them finally calling it for biden was destructive and devastating in its own way. (i cried. i dont ever cry. i fucking bawled.)

and some of it is another lesson in preparation. i have a great outline for this novel! i know all the plot beats for all three plotlines! but i didn't practice getting into either character's voice, so while im still writing, it's very third-person-onmicient type, very distant, rather than the third-person-intimate that im going for.

and ive become STUPIDLY hung up on that! LIKE, ITS STOPPING ME FROM WRITING. i realize i just need to forge ahead and i'll find their voices eventually, but like, brain matter no go. head empty no thots.

SURPRISINGLY, though, if i count all words i've written (including nano, patreon, work words, fanfic, etc) i am on pace to hit the 50K. guess what I might be doing, rather than focusing entirely on the nano words. fml. etc.

my two oldest nieces are coming this weekend for their birthday celebration. when they were young i decided that instead of birthday gifts, what each girl got was a weekend alone, just with me, where we would do super fun things and they get to have all of the focused attention from their aunt and uncle. it's worked great, but this year, because of the rona, their schedules are all fucked up (you would not BELIEVE what my bro and SIL have had to work out to manage both of their jobs with 3 children under the age of 7 at home; it's crazy), and we wanted to limit the travel as well. so both girls are coming together to stay with me, to celebrate together. i'm very excited, but wow, that's also been a whirlwind.

i had to clean the entire house. the thing is, when you've been in house since march, and you're already disabled, and you're depressed, and you're tired, and you have 5 cats, the house can quickly get to a pint where you really give no more fucks about it. hugely. bigly. i had to summon my mum, Crown, and murder husband to help me out with it, but now the house is gorgeously clean and i am happy. doing all the work at once was kind of a sledgehammer to the face tho, RIP me, but i did it.

fought with Crown over a bunch of stuff too. it's resolved and we are in a better place after having it out, but that also hit me like a fucking pickup truck, thanks.

also didnt help nano.

isolation is weird. i dont mind being alone - i love being stuck in my house alone, that's like, my dream world - but i feel like i've hunkered down here in other ways as well. friends i used to talk to daily, i check in like once a week. a BIG part of that is, well, having nothing to really say. my new contract remains in covid limbo, my other work continues, and my desire to write a novel to sell is just aksjdlkasdjggs, so like, ??? why bother to talk, there's no news here, etc.

im also just not very good at staying in touch because of (reasons) and the situation is compounding that and really doubling down on it. how can i reach out to people when im spending most of my mental energy not going completely batshit??? "hey demons. it's me. your boy."

i mean i also feel like other friends are pulling back as well, probably because none of us really have anything new to say. it's just an interesting side effect of isolation, i guess?

plus it's the jazz hands depressssiioooonnnnn ~! for all of us!

i really just exist on discord these days. honestly.

ANYWAY.

i haven't yet given up on the novel, nor have i given up on trying to grow my kofi and patreon to help me out in these terrible times. (crankyoldman, thanks so much for the Kofi! that covers this month's entire Chewy order! <3 <3 aaaaaaa ILU and i miss you guys!!) it's just such a bizarre fucking time to be a conscious thinking creature and that's weird, i guess.

went to target and bought a bunch of men's shirts for the winter. sorry but for what i want men's clothes are vastly superior. you can't get a women's t-shirt that's long enough to go over hips or really be tucked in unless you find a "tunic length" and they're like $25. i got 3 mens tees for $18. i also now have a giant hoodie with thumbholes. bless.

plus big ass sports bras. i just want my tits to be comfortable. dont always bra them, but like when im cleaning they gotta be held. gently. softly cupped in place so that they don't get tossed around too much. i dont know where im going with this.

i just want to be comfortable here in my private cave.

the stasis of isolation. such an odd year it's been this last month.

Ko-fi for the cats || Patreon for CYOA and the novel || Sev's Pub, my creative works discord || carrd for the rest

comments Comment? https://ift.tt/3ngoxji

#crossposted #dreamwidth

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maximuswolf · 4 years

Text

Entity encounter: Satan or Eblis? Was i being lied to or tested for initiation? via /r/satanism

Entity encounter: Satan or Eblis? Was i being lied to or tested for initiation?

I was wondering if spirits lie to test you as an initiation or something. I will try to make this short so i’ll leave out some details even though might be important but I need help and want more people to read. Ik this is long but BEFORE YOU SKIP KNOW THAT I NEED YOU SO JUST SKIM THRU.

One day I was sitting on my laptop without any background in magick other than the youtube channel mind and magick and LoA. At that time i was at my lowest point in life and have released myself from religious beliefs being very disappointed kn how it repressed my emotions about sex etc... suddenly every hair on my body stands up from fear the room turn red (i dont remember if it was my minds eye or actually turned red) and on my left an entity made itself known as the devil. At that time i didnt know that satan, eblis and lucifer are different. So it just telepathically identified itself as the “devil”. Paralyzed from fear I couldn’t face it to see it. I knew back then from what my family told me that we have been cursed with black magick as we found sigils and voodoo bag things stuffed in our couch at home. Arabic djinn magick. But I didnt remember that during this. I was having a belief crisis because of religion and the abusive ways my parents raised me and i fought very heavily with them on the phone with pure rage and anger. The entity spoke telepathically not with words but with just “knowing”, you just know what it says without hearing words. It showed me being surrounded by women and drugs of my choice not sure tho about the next part—> being in a gang or a secret society also being a rapper. Which were things aside from being a gang member were all things i believed would make me really happy and didnt want much from life other than that. I asked...”you want my soul for that?” The entity said “No i want you to abandon your family and never speak to them again because they are Narcisists who just want you dependent/weak/fucked in general.” (Which is untrue but due to long isolation and negative thinking researching psychology: Trauma, personality disorders, repression etc... he framed it in a way which it all seemed true and clicked). I was going to take the offer 99.9% due to the shitty state i was in. I was even ready to sell my soul if it was the case just for some relief. He said “ God has always hated you, he wants you mentally ill, he made you date borderline women to crush your heart, he wrote down your life script from start to finish with nothing more than agony.” I suffered from depression like legit depression since i was a kid for no reason. “This depression god gave you will never go away. I can change all that and if you dont take my offer you will stay fucked for the rest of your life because you cant make it on your own”....Now I am a Leo sun sign, Rising and ascendant so pride and ego are my middle name. With my hands paralyzed with fear i managed to raise my left hand giving him the finger! I said “Can’t do it on my own? Watch me! Fuck you!” He said “you couldve just refused the offer but because you insulted my majesty watch whats going to happen to you.”

My best friend for 9 years who was my girl friend for a while said she went into a weird psychological state and married someone she knows only for 3 months while we were together. She was madly inlove with him then after the ceremony she realized she wasnt and that he doesnt either. I went into psychosis twice hospitalized.

Now the doctors call it psychosis but it was exactly what people called kundalini awakening as it was euphoric and I felt divine and saw that seperation was an illusion and I was getting downloads and when i went to take a walk And looked around and saw ads and technology I was like... this is the devil’s work. We are being hijacked psychologically to be a battery to the system we call society and goverment.... now spirits could talk to me through giving me thoughts but they were in my own voice. I didnt know that this is how it worked so djinn deceived me and fucked the whole experience up getting me arrested and put in the hospital for trespassing into a mall thinking i’ll meet my creator in an elevator like the song lyrics i was listening to said to me taking it as a “sign” to go into the building and that someone was waiting for me there... enlightenment or paychosis there were definitely some delusions. I also believed 100% this is a computer simulation that was created so that god(me) can be channeled through the technology spiritually and experience being a human. Anyways 2 years later i’m deep into magick but not much of practicing until recently because i want to break the curse mostly but i realized from reading that all the information i received in my so called psychosis were all in occult books and things secret societies have kept secret. During my paychosis i was guided by angels and lucifer the whole time. It took me time to trust lucifer because i thought that lucifer is the devil and shouldnt be trusted. He never lies tho. He even felt bad for me because i was in the hospital against my will. So hes like... want some fresh air? Im like please. He said let me possess you. I was like fuck it. And he was just manipulating reality and ppls actions im ways i was able to go through 2 security doors and eacape the hospital at 11:00 pm when all the doors were completely locked! So i believe its not mental illness and it was scary yes. Fucked up my life for years yes. But i feel that shit wasnt punishment... it was the best gift I ever received. Now i enter altered states easily. I read tarot like im the fucking god oracle. I do magick that works. I became a god.

Submitted November 02, 2020 at 09:51AM by HavokMage via reddit https://ift.tt/2HSO1E6

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luobingmeis · 5 years

Note

share your mama thoughts!!!! (if you would like to)

you’re gonna look at these and, within 2.5 seconds, say “wow jords the self-projection is strong tn”

or more so “wow jords we really see the dynamics that u yearn for and yet cannot find so u project them onto fictional characters who u look up to in a way u can’t quite understand”

post-writing notes: this got way longer than i expected (the jords ohsweetflips story), so this is going under the cut, but enjoy my huge mama backstory headcanons!!!

first things first, i hc mama as a lesbian, bc i am a lesbian, and i feel very attached to mama, so i hc her as a lesbian (but also i believe that anyone can hc her to be anything that they damn well please)

and, forgive me, i don’t know shit abt west virginian geography, but i think she grew up in a town like aubrey’s? like i know we didn’t get a lot of description of aubrey’s younger life outside her home, but i kinda see mama as having this “old money” type homelife

and bc i, jords ohsweetflips, wish i had a group of lesbian friends so that i could’ve had some guidance in my teen years, i hc that, in her town, she found her way into the small yet secure lesbian “scene” that was just a couple girls around her age (i see her as 15 at this time, with others ranging 15-18) along with a couple who were, like, 19/20

and tbh, just the vibe i get from mama and how she seems much more inclined towards found family than blood relatives, i don’t think she had the nicest folks so, when she came out, that was it, you know?

and tbh i completely see mama (well, madeline at this point) as someone who is very like “i don’t need help, i can do things on my own,” even as a young teen, so i think for, like, a week or two, she did the whole “on her own” things

but bc her friends were absolute angels, and also found out that she had been essentially homeless, two of the girls who are 19 and 20 and have an apartment are like “fuck no, you’re staying with us”

and madeline is at first like “no, really, i’m fine” but the thought of an actually loving home is too tempting to ignore

so from the ages of 15 to 18, she lives with her friends!!! she was fairly good at art at this point so she was able to get some in to the local galleries and shops and make some money off of it, and then when she was around 17, her friends were able to get her a job bussing at the bar they worked in

she also liked to whittle a lot!!! she made a lot of ducks

she was 18 when she decided to move out, and that’s when she heard of kepler. or, more so, she heard of it from another one of her friends who dubbed it as “a place fit for you, mads”

so she managed to save up enough money for an apartment and she moved out of her hometown and absolutely the friends she lived with cried their eyes out when they were helping her move in and tbh even madeline got a bit teary eyed bc they were like family, you know?

and so basically, from the ages of 18-24, she lived in kepler and got her bearings and this was when she started to get really into wood carving!!! she was able to get some pieces out there and get some recognition and, by her mid20s, she was actually making decent money, or at least enough to not be living paycheck to paycheck

in this phase of living in kepler, i think she was in a very “people knew her but she didn’t know them that well” just bc i don’t see her as the type of person to be a “social butterfly”? i think she mostly, tho, became friendly with the man who ran kepler’s local coffee shop, and the wives who owned the little dipper back before it was the hornet’s nest. she’s also def met leo and thacker, but only in passing, mostly. i think, once she got closer to her late 20s/early 30s, she would have heard of duck and juno but, in her being 18-24, they were probably still kids/young teenagers.

WAIT I CAN’T FORGET 1980S MAMA AESTHETIC: whole lot of jackets. she did a lot of thrift shopping so she has so many huge jackets. lot of denim. and leather. work boots. flannel. patches. are you picking up on the self projection yet.

and then, in november of 1988, when she was 24, the gate went up. she encountered her first abomination by accident. she had been out in the woods, just trekking back to her apartment and deciding to take the scenic route, when all of a sudden.... one of the smaller trees started moving? and she was like “well that’s not what trees do” and then she saw that the tree had a jagged mouth dripping with sap and branches acting like long, clawed hands, and she was like “well that ain’t no normal tree”

i don’t have my Big Brave Madeline “Mama” Cobb Origin Battle Story yet but she definitely just chopped the shit out of the tree and it managed to work

i think it would be Very Funny if, very shortly after that, her first sylph was barclay. like, i have a feeling that age works a bit different for sylphs, and honestly i have no clue where they would get the disguises from? maybe heathcliff? but the thought of madeline running into Literal Bigfoot and barclay, maybe like 20yo in sylph age, being like “WAIT DON’T KILL ME” bc this young woman already looks ready for leather is very entertaining

and that’s when mama learns abt the sylphs, and how they’re not abominations, and barclay shows her the gate

and also yes barclay absolutely stays in her apartment except he is So Hidden bc imagine the chaos of Literal Bigfoot being in her apartment! hysterical!

but, soon, mama crosses over into sylvain and figures out Everything that has gone on and knows abt the crystal shattering and the wars and she realizes that there have been sylphs exiled to earth and she’s like “well that ain’t gonna fly”

so she starts the pineguard and, for that first year, it’s mostly just her? and, at that point, it’s harder to locate sylphs, so she only has barclay and one or two others staying with her and it’s cramped but they’re safe so she’s happy

she meets thacker around... april 1989, i think? i know it was spring. so he helps out, and then they recruit another guy, mike (canonically mentioned in the water arc), and a couple others, and, suddenly, the pineguard is turning into an actual thing

and then, one of the ski lodges up on topside closes, now leaving a completely empty inn just... taking up space...... and it’s only a half mile from the gate........... and she has been making a decent amount of money from her sculptures

before the end of 1989, amnesty lodge is set up and running and, all of a sudden, it’s like she has another real home again. she loves the sylphs she meets and they can be safe with her!!

thacker absolutely has a bunch of “home videos” where, really, he’s just messing around with madeline. it’s almost like a “madeline cobb nature documentary” as she finishes up the lodge and treks through the woods. there’s also some of barclay and moira, and other pineguard members, and other sylphs that show up. he also has his journals and pictures and other books and, at one point, the cellar looks like thacker’s library

also the ballad of bigfoot is absolutely canonical and, after stephanie & griffin & C.M. leave the lodge, thacker has never seen madeline go off like she did on barclay that night. barclay still has some residual fear for hearing mama (who’s a big woman but he is Big Foot so he is definitely just Big) scream up at him “I WILL PUT YOU BACK IN THE WOODS WHERE I FOUND YOU, DON’T YOU TEST ME, BARCLAY”

even tho the two of them don’t talk abt it much, and might not even realize it that early on (picturing like late 20s/early 30s), thacker and mama really are best friends and, tbh, every sylph can see it in the way they bicker yet unconditionally care for each other

madeline almost kicked thacker out of the pineguard when she first found out what he put in his gorp

dani showed up in 2009 and, at the age of 12, she was the youngest sylph amnesty lodge had by a fucking landslide, and that made madeline so angry yet so sad bc this child had been exiled from her home and that was just a thing that could happen

(madeline never got along too well with woodbridge but, after that, knowing that he is the one in charge of the exiles, she could never even be civil with him)

she was immediately protective of dani and was ready to really step in as a parental figure bc she wasn’t abt to let this young girl be without guidance

and she gave dani handmedowns and took her shopping and would make sure that she felt safe and comfortable bc, really, she was the only sylph in the lodge who wasn’t an adult. and, fortunately, barclay was basically an older brother to her and moira looked out for her and i think dani coming into the lodge was what really gave everyone a very big reality check bc, like. she’s a kid

(is it obvious that i’m a bit attached to mama and dani)

and so it should come as no shock that, within a year of dani being in amnesty lodge, madeline became “mama”

and then, in 2011, jake, age 16, showed up, and by then mama was like “alright time to adopt him”

but also, real talk, mama looks out for all her sylphs so much, she’d lay down her life for any of them

when thacker leaves in 2013, she’s at first okay, doing just fine. he promised that he would come back, and she has faith in him. and then months pass. and then a year. and then two. and, all of a sudden, it’s the spring of 2016 and kepler expeditions is officially shut down and mama realizes just how much she misses her best friend.

and, not to mention, the waning of the pineguard.

by the time it gets to the summer of 2018, it’s just her and barclay, the both of them hoping things stay the same, but hope hasn’t gotten them too far

and then they have a fire magician, and a forest ranger with a talking sword, and ned fucking chicane

and now we have reached canon!!! thank u for coming to my ted talk!!!!

also tho, post-finale during the big reunion, thacker is just talking with aubrey and all of a sudden is like “holy shit, you really are like her, aren’t you?” and aubrey is just like “???” and thacker says, “don’t go tellin’ her, because she’ll kick my ass, but talkin’ to you is just like talkin’ to maddie when she was your age” and aubrey is a bit :’)

#taz amnesty #taz mama #madeline cobb #mama #headcanons #answered #the-ipre

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spirit-of-vengeance · 5 years

Text

7th ROTG anniversary. Time to get emotional.

I never written this down, but now I feel the need due to the intense nostalgia and the notice of how quickly time is fleeing. I have a tale to tell, I need to share my story about how this film changed my life. Warning: it's long.

Brief into: I believed in the Santa, Easter Bunny (I really wanted in the Toothfairy too and unfortunately never heard about Jack or Sandy) even when I was 10. (Which was considered pretty old to believe) I even got into an argument with my teacher in the 3rd grade because she said 'stop being childish, they aren't real' because I was excitedly whispering with my classmate about catching the Santa this year. A boy, who ironically looked exactly like Jack Frost began endlessly teasing me and calling me stupid for still thinking he's real. On the way back home with mom I confronted her about this, not giving up until she told me whenever he was right or not. Backed into a corner, she was forced to give up. I cried every day for weeks. The magic was ripped away from me.

Year 2012, December. I'm 11 and a victim of hardcore bullying since my whole life. Students, teachers and sometimes parents. To cheer me up, mom took me to the shopping center to watch a movie. We couldn't really decide & she saw a giant poster of North smiling at people. Her eyes lit up and excitedly said 'Let's watch that! ' I followed the direction of her finger and my face scrunched in malice "I am not watching a movie with the Santa. Its stupid. I'm a big girl, I want to watch a bloody action movie! " but she was unbending. She could bribe me into it with a large bowl of popcorn; I was still grumbling when the lights went out.

The change: first snowflakes, first notes of the piano worked like magic. I immediately shut up and wondered what actually happens here. Why is it so soothing? At the first few shots of the North Pole when North is working on the ice train, I jumped in my seat and I shit you not, I thought the Santa is actually getting murdered. My eyebrow rose higher when I realized that guy with the chainsaw and swords is the Santa. Unfortunately, I can't remember more first reactions; stress, depression, traumas really ruined my long term memory. It seems silly now, but I kept the last piece of popcorn what I was munching on during it, I still have it in a little jewel box; one of my sacred memories. The car ride back to home was quiet, I was staring out of the window my mind stirring with creativity.

Aftermath: 2013-2018; while my classmates were busy getting drunk, being a petty bitch, giving oral in the toilet, (yes. I am talking about elementary school.), getting laid, I was lost in a world of wonder. I learnt 60% of my English knowledge in 3 months with reading fanfiction. I browsed deviantart for hours and laughed my ass off at the hilarious, extremely well done fanarts.

I grew up on mostly Blackice videos I wasn't 100% aware what I'm actually seeing tho, I was exposed to gay ships from a young age and plot twist, nothing serious happened😀. My mental health wasn't shit because I saw the Bogeyman and the Winter spirit kiss.

I began talking to the Moon. I cried my pain to him. Sitting on my windowstill, debating whenever I should jump or not. My extraordinarily strong bond with my mom and this film were my only lifeline. I was making it through, in my own world. My imagination created wonderful sights, scenarios; at nights I was certain I can spot Sandy on his cloud, at Christmas North trying to push himself out of the chimney cussing, at Easter that enormous bunny running around, at winters mostly yelling at Jack 'get out of my country' because I'm a summer person, going to school on a chilly yet sunny autumn day and see Pitch standing on the edge of the misty forest.

I began to change, respond to the pressure from my bullies. My personality began to morph. See the wonder in everything; like North. There's hope and spite, don't dare to give up; like Bunny. Awaken and enjoy creativity; like Sandy. Shit on the rules and have a damn good time no matter what; like Jack. Cherish memories and friends; like Tooth. Be ruthless and stand up from the most brutal blows; like Pitch. And never forget, the Moon will always be there even when he's an antisocial dick and says nothing.

My aim, my dream was to write the sequel. When I was done I wanted to send it to William Joyce. I wrote 200+ pages, but unfortunately in Hungarian. I still don't know why I stopped, why I abandoned that plan.

I was looking for ROTG posters because I wanted to email them to my friend to show what I've been obsessed with. I was just lazily staring at a Pitch poster, realizing his V neck actually never closes - then my eyes crossed the date: November 21. I let out an ungodly shriek of disbelief and mirth. Mom rushed into the living room with terror and met with the sight of me screaming in ecstasy "RISE OF THE GUARDIANS CAME OUT ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!! "

Around 2016 I became really interested in this roleplay stuff and oh god I was terrible. Cindy Flame then was an always angry Mary sue but after years of practice, expanding she is a completely built, extremely complex character, flawed, strong, tragic and ruthless; divine yet oh so human. So I was making friends online, most of them failed, I think one of them committed suicide but that belongs to an another story.

I have been lurking Tumblr for 3 years? More? Because I had no idea how this site worked and I was shy because I thought my writing is not good enough I realize now I felt right. I admired blogs from afar, read their writing and falling deeper and deeper into this fandom.

Nearing present day: I actually came to Tumblr to pursue a friend of mine. I was borderline desperate because I've thought they are one of the last one in the fandom and it scared me. The fun thing is, I actually never interacted with them after making this blog. So I break this two year old spell and hi @kingofnxghtmares it's me, Jasmine😊 You don't have to answer/interact/or anything, I wanted to get everything off my chest and finally tagging you just felt right.

So now I'm on Tumblr. And I love every second it. I've found amazing friends, insanely dynamic muses, crack threads, angst, the chance to expand my muse even more and where I belong. So there I am, wondering where 7 years went. I've grown up (somewhat), and I'm glad I was protected from the 'disaster teenage years ', drinking, heartbreak, drugs, etc instead I grew up in a magical world interviewed with reality so closely; it became an escape place when reality became too heavy.

About ROTG & finale: masterpiece. The animation is insanely lifelike yet fantasy. Every tiny, microscopic detail is perfect, the characters, the storyline, the atmosphere original and capturing. The music is gut wrenching. Everything is absolutely, 200% on point. I don't think there ever will be an animated movie which can be better than Rise of the Guardians animation and/or storywise. No 'love is the answer ' movies can ever come close this iconic masterpiece no matter how they rip it off looking at Frozen 2😒

I watched it today (I have it in Spanish as well and I only can encourage everyone to watch it, the Spanish voice acting is, 100% in my opinion Pitch's bested Jude Law, damn that rich hiss of malice was incredible ) on my 18th birthday while cuddling with mom, laughing and heavy with nostalgia. I think I will remain in this fandom for a very long time, I don't think I would ever be able to let it go due to my deep emotional ties. I would like to thank everyone who were present in making this film, the artists who still keep this fandom alive, all of my friends, roleplay partners; thank you for brightening my childhood, giving me purpose and a place to belong.

To my all of my friends:

@paintbrushtheelf @muerte-rojo @nightmarinqs @mr-mansnoozie @gatekeeperoftheunderworld @50shadesofpitchblack @flossinspector @magicmiyeh

@black-equals-mysoul @nxghtlight @lindzem

I love all of you,

Jasmine

#Trigger warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts #wow this is long #And angsty #Idk who read it completely but they deserve a medal for it #wild author appearing without makeup #I know I don't look 18.#Long story cut short: ROTG came out on my birthday and I'm emotional #🔥author/writer's note🔥 | smoldering embers

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vincent-frankenstein · 5 years

Note

9 with logince or 17 with moxiety please and thanks!!!

9: “just tAKE THE JACKET”

i had to go wayyyy back in my blog to find this its been like. more than a month dfhkdhf im so sorry ;w; i hope u enjoy tho!!!

Title: The Weather Outside is Frightful

Summary: It’s Roman’s first time in the snow, and he can’t be bothered to think of stupid things like danger or hypothermia. Luckily, Logan’s there to think for him.

Pairing: logince

Warnings: none??? self-endangerment ig,,, ask to tag

Roman had dreamt of snow his entire life.

Growing up smack-dab in the middle of Florida didn't exactly give you many chances to see snow. Sure, they had that fakey soap-snow at all the holiday events — but it wasn't the same. It wasn't cold or magical or anything; it only made his nose itch.

But then he got accepted to a college way up north, and finally, finally, he left Florida behind him. The winter wonderland he'd been dreaming of his whole life was finally within his grasp! He spent all of fall waiting, practically vibrating with excitement the entire time — and when November rolled around and the forecast announced a snowstorm, his excitement reached its peak. He was going to see snow! For the first time!

He spent that entire week barely about to breathe through his excitement, and finally the day came. After a ridiculously long time spent studying, Roman happened to look up to find tiny, magical snowflakes drifting lazily down outside the library window. "Oh my god," he whispered, eyes growing comically wide. It was snowing. It was snowing!

He shoved himself to his feet with a hushed cry of delight and ran to the door, forgetting his jacket and drawing lots of strange looks as he went. His heart soared as he ducked through the maze of bookshelves, as the door came into view, as he shoved it open —

And he immediately froze. Literally.

He'd felt cold before. Hell, he'd spent most of fall wrapped in as many jackets as he could find, not to mention the scarves and gloves and hats he'd shoved himself into to escape the demon that was cold temperatuers. But this? Holy shit. Holy shit.

He stood completely still in the doorway, his eyes wide, and a small part of him screamed in the most Floridian way possible. But the rest of him — the rest of him felt close to tears. He stepped down into the snow and scooped up a handful, not even noticing as his fingers buzzed and tingled as he gazed at how it sparkled. It was so pretty!

And, well, Roman had never had good impulse control — really, were there any Floridians who did? — and he'd never seen snow before in his life, so could you really blame him for what he did next? Face-planting into the snow seemed like the best course of action at the time. A jolt of freezing cold rocketed through his entire body but he didn't care, too busy making a snow-angel.

"I knew you were an idiot, King, but this is just ridiculous."

A sudden voice roused Roman from his winter-wonderland stupor. Framed by the light from the library and the last bit of gray sunlight left, Logan Croft stood with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

Roman huffed. "Y-Y-Y-Yeah?" he stammered, too cold to speak evenly. "W-W-Why don't y-you s-say that t-to my f-f-face?"

Logan stepped down into the snow, giving it a moment's distasteful glance before he leaned down to be face-to-face with Roman. "You're an idiot, and this is ridiculous," he said again. "You're going to give yourself hypothermia."

"P-P-Perhaps!" Roman exclaimed. "B-B-But it'll be a w-w-worthy sacrifice!"

"No, it won't. Do you Floridians have any sense of self-preservation?"

"N-Nope!" Roman declared proudly. "I-I-I've punched a-a-alligators, C-Croft, a-a little f-frozen water c-can't stop me!"

"You've... punched..." Logan trailed off, shaking his head and heaving a heavy sigh. "You'd better be joking about that. You're endangering yourself, King. If you're going to play in the snow, at least be dressed for the occasion. Here." He held out Roman's jacket, and it was then that Roman noticed his scarf, draped over Logan's arm, and his hat shoved into his pocket. Had Logan gathered his warm clothes for him?

"Aww, y-y-you care a-about me!" Roman teased. “H-H-How nice of you~”

"Just tAKE THE JACKET!" Logan yelled, his face exploding with a bright red blush. He threw the jacket at Roman with a furiously muttered 'yeet.'

Roman stood and yanked on the jacket, pulling it tight around himself for warmth, and he caught his scarf and gloves with shaking hands and yanked them on too. He relished in the warmth they brought, a satisfied sigh escaping his lips.

"There. Isn't that better?" Logan's smug voice was enough to spark a roaring fire in Roman's chest.

"Oh, definitely," he retorted. "Thanks, nerd."

Faster than lightning, Logan scooped a clump of snow into his hand and lopped it at Roman. It exploded across his face in a burst of freezing cold and Roman gasped overdramatically, betrayal etched across his face.

"No problem, prep," Logan said with a tiny, adorable laugh.

Roman grabbed a handful of snow and grinned. "Oh, it's on."

TAGLIST BELOW

@joygaytrash @ruh-roh-emer-has-an-account @aliferous-ly @im-crunchie @triton-bear @emiisanidiot

#is this a mess? yes #do i know anything about snow? no #am i self projecting on roman? absolutely #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #celeste's portfolio #actually remembered to add my taglist this time !!!!!!!#therealpeterpan

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sims-psycho · 5 years

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all questions .For you. I am intrigued to see the answers :D

WOAH, honestly was not expecting this, but I guess I did ask for it so here we go :’) (under the cut cuz this shits looong)

1. Last kiss ~ Like, 5 months ago lol

2. Last phone call ~ Yesterday, my colleague phoned me in the morning to say thE DELIVERY I WAS MEANT TO BE SIGNING IN WAS ALREADY THERE. IT WAS 8AM. WASN’T MEANT TO GET THERE TILL 11 FFS

3. Last text message ~ to my mum, was asking her how yoga went (she does yoga)

4. Last song you listened to ~ Money by Pink Floyd

5. Last time you cried ~ literally last night, i cry DAILEY :’)

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice ~ kiiindaaaaa????

7. Been cheated on ~ pretty sure my ass of a first bf cheated on me yup

8. Self harmed ~ not conventionally, no

9. Lost someone special ~ Yeah, my aunt, she was one of a kind

10. Been depressed ~ oh yes :’)

11. Been drunk and threw up ~ surprisingly no, i don’t really do throwing up

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

12. had sex ~ nope lmao

13. How many people have you had sex with this year? ~ ….uhhh, none ^^

15. Made a new friend ~ Yeah actually, the new guy at work is pretty chill, i’d say we’re friends

17. Laughed until you cried ~ probably yeah

18. Met someone who changed you ~ nope

19. Found out who your true friends were ~ kind of yeah

20. Found out someone was talking about you ~ dude, no one talks about me lol

26. What did you do for your last Birthday ~ I went to see my bestest friend in the whole world ^.^

27. What time did you wake up today ~ not in the morning, i can say that for sure :’)

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for ~ I’M GOING TO SEE MCFLY THIS NOVEMBER!!!

30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time ~ never, i have no siblings lol

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life ~ jesus christ, so many things, i guess I wish i was a year ahead of where i am now

32. What are you listening to right now ~ the try guys podcast >.

33. When is the last time you had sex? ~ don’t know if you can tell, but I literally haven’t had sex in like a year :’)

34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now ~ do I count? Yes? Okay, myself XD

35. Most visited webpage ~ probably this dumb site

36. Favorite colour ~ this:

37. Nicknames ~ i’ve collected quite a few tbh, Roo, Chu, Ross, Rossi, Chuckles and Chuck are most of them, used by various people >.

38. Relationship Status ~ single pringle so if anyone wants to love me up go for it XD

39. Zodiac sign ~ sagittarius

40. Male or female ~ fem

41. Primary school ~ no XD seriously tho not gonna write my schools on this hellsite :’)

42. Secondary School ~ noooo

43. High school/college ~ nooooooooooo

44. Eye color ~ like a blueish grey, sometimes rly bright blue

46. Height ~ 5’8 ish i think

47. Do you have a crush on someone ~ nope :’)

48. What do you like about yourself ~ tbh, i think i’m pretty intelligent, it’s like the one thing i can say ‘yeah, i’m good’ at >.

49. Piercings ~ my ear lobes, soon to be nose!!

50. Tattoos ~ GETTING MY FIRST ON WEDNESDAY! Let me know if i should post a pic here >.

51. Righty or lefty ~ leftyyyyy

FIRSTS:

53. First piercing ~ ears

54. First best friend ~ this kid called Harvey when i was like 4, haven’t seen him in over a decade tho

55. First hookup ~ my ex boyfriend

56. First Bestfriend ~ isn’t…this…like…..the same question as like….two questions ago….?

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating ~ nothing :’)

60. Drinking ~ decaf tea

61. I’m about to ~ play sims, duh, isn’t that what we all do here >.

62. Listening to ~ already said, the trypod

63. Waiting for ~ the inevitable caress of death lmao :’)

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids? ~ imma get real for a sec. Yes, i have always wanted kids, but with the way the climate crisis is going and the complete lack of empathy our world leaders are showing towards it, I think it would be incredibly selfish for me to have children ‘just cuz i’ve always wanted kids’ :/

65. Get married? ~ maybe, don’t rly care for marrage either way

66. Career ~ i’ve been asking myself this question for the past 3 years, still don’t know the answer :’)

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes ~ i’m assuming these are all about other people right? Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses ~ why not both?? :o

69. Shorter or taller ~ taller mmmm XD

70. Older or Younger ~ don’t mind a little bit either way

71. Romantic or spontaneous ~ *sings i want it all by queen* XD

72. Nice stomach or nice arms ~ stomach

73. Sensitive or loud ~ sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship ~ hook ups are ewie (to me) so relationships every time

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger ~ nooooooooooooo, thems some big red flags bro :’)

77. Drank hard liquor ~ yup

78. Lost glasses/contacts ~ surprisingly no, have broken my glasses a fair few times tho

79. Had sex ~ omg, for the 10 billionth time, y e s

80. Broken someone’s heart ~ unfortunately yes…

82. Been arrested ~ nope

83. Turned someone down ~ yup

84. Cried when someone died ~ yeah

85. Fallen for a friend ~ omg yes, and let me tell you, IT’S THE WORST!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself ~ fuck, thats too deep for meeeeeeee :’)

87. Miracles ~ eh, kind of? I dunno

88. Love at first sight ~ if feel like you can have some feelings about someone when you first see them that could lead to love, but not flat out love y’know

89. Heaven ~ nah

90. Santa Clause ~ i wanna say yes, but, you know…. :’)

91. Kiss on the first date ~ dude i don’t even date, let alone kiss on them XD

92. Angels ~ I call people angel a lot, but like full on angels with wings a shit, no >.

93. How would you label yourself? ~ i honestly don’t really know atm

94. Someone You Pray Everyday For ~ i don’t pray for people, don’t mean that in a heartless way, it just doesn’t do anything at the end of the day

95. Did you sing today ~ i sing, no joke, every day XD

96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About ~ well, i’ve only had 2, and the first one was an absolute twat so take a guess :’)

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? ~ i ask myself this a lot and the answer always changes. Right now probably a few years

98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For ~ the saving of the planet

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? ~ i don’t think so

100. Do you like the way you look? ~ sometimes

#ask #asks #reply #answer #nonny #rosie rambles

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blackarmyslave · 5 years

Text

About Me Tag

Thank you sooo much for the tag @lovingikesen! I love doing these uwu

The rules are:

Tag the person who tagged you.

Answer the questions.

Tag 10 people.

Here it goes~

How tall are you?

I'm 13 and 167 cm. I think that's about 5'4 ft.?

What color and style is your hair?

I have wavy hair that reaches a few inches below my shoulder blades. The roots are ebony black, but it slowly fades to a dark brown, and my tips are colored a rich copper. Lol funny thing is, I've never done anything to them - never dyed it, nor played around with it. They're naturally weird that way just like me.

What color are your eyes?

I can't tell if they're brown or black, honestly xD

Do you wear glasses?

Nope. But, if I look good in them, I'd love to try out fashion glasses (especially those round ones uwu)

Do you wear braces?

Nada.

What's your fashion sense?

Meh. It's not so interesting. I'm that girl who wears plain shirts, especially long-sleeved ones, covering as much skin as possible bc i feel so thicc when exposed, with no shorts or skirts in her wardrobe. I wear a lot of hoodies, varsity jackets, sweaters, sweatpants, sweatshirts, jeans (usually ripped and/or faded) and let my hair down. I never try styling it 'cause I'm the worst when it comes to hair. Also, I only wear earrings for jewelry on regular days. Lipstick and mascara is a go. Zero manicure, too. I wear dresses (I absolutely love them tbh) but never those strapless/really short ones. I'm awfully modest in dressing btw.

Full name?

Angeline Christie (Christie's my middle name xD I refuse to let y'all know my surname, coz privacy)

When were you born?

November 24 ♡

Where are you from and where do you live now?

Philippines and Philippines. Lol if you want more details, then I live in Iloilo. (I've never moved, and I don't think I ever will. It's not common for Filipinos to do that.)

What school do you go to?

In elementary I went to this really preppy school. Now I'm just going to a regular high school that specializes in sciences.

What kind of student are you?

I'm that student who never ever ever ever ever recites. I'd hide under my desk or pretend to be taking down notes so the teacher doesn't call on me. BUT when it's time to write an essay or submit a report, expect mine to be the longest and most detailed; with a hella huge gap from the rest lmao. I'm too damn lazy to study and recite, but I make up for it absorbing every single thing my teacher says, and passing satisfactory projects on time. I stay away from fights lol and I have a phobia of public speaking tho you'd never guess from the way I act in the internet xD. I'm a pretty strict leader but my mates tell me it's cool since our work almost always gets the most praise from our teacher. And I would like to ask God how tf did I get such good photographic memory and analization skills??!??!!?!!!?

Do you like school?

Y E S

Favorite subject?

Literature I guess, or Biology oof

Favorite TV show?

None. I don't really watch the tv that much.

Favorite movie?

Everything marvel uwu ♡♡

Favorite books?

*geek mode on*

- The Maze Runner series by James Dashner

- everything Rick Riordian's written

- GoT books

- The Boy Who Knew Everything by Victoria Forester

-Sarah J. Maas's Throne of Glass series

- P.C. Cast's Sun Warrior

- Echoes of an Angel by Aquanetta Gordon

- Sherlock Holmes stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (yes I have the books lmao)

- everything in The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

- Jamie McGuire's Beautiful Disaster

- Ulysses by James Joyce

- Love Looks Good On You by Lang Leav

-Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451

- Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

- Every Breath by Nicholas Sparks

-Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist

Favorite pastime?

Reading books or wasting hours YouTube. However my earphones are forever stuck to my ears, and I constantly dance around to bop songs and stuff. That's my favorite hobby - dancing and singing like you're having a seizure and/or asthma attack :))

Do you have any regrets?

Well... not being there for my mom while she was dealing with the then-sudden news of my bastard of a father's affair.

Dream job?

Surgeon ASDFGHJKL

Would you ever like to be married?

Fuck yeah!!!! That's definitely my no.1 dream😻

Would you like to have kids?

Yeaaaaaaa uwu

How many?

3 uwu. Maybe a girl, and twin boys...?? Lmaooo

Do you like shopping?

Not really. Only if it's for a couple of high heels or new hoodies. As long as it doesn't take long, I'm good with 'em lol. I get quickly broed tho, especially if I have to shop for complete, blown-out outfits and the sort.

What countries have you visited?

-Hongkong

-does Macau count?

-Malaysia

-Singapore

-my parents are planning for Taiwan (maybe next year). We'll see lol

Scariest nightmare you ever had?

Bruh, I don't do dreams -_-

Any enemies?

YES. Well, if it were up to me, I wouldn't want one, but jealousy is a biatch soooo... our valedictorian, a former gay classmate, and maybe a couple of kids (we used to play but then we got to competitive and, well... stuff happened oof)

Any significant other?

Maybe👏I👏have👏one👏maybe👏I👏don't

Do you believe in miracles?

No...? Idk really

How are you?

Currently dying, thanks for asking

Holy shit that rhymed

Tagging: @bnha-and-marvel-but-somewhat-gay @otome-obsessed @lovingsiriusoswald @toloveawarlord @hello-darliiing @bakugoukatsukitty @mcotome @dreamy-sskiess @spideyjlaw @tomeyooo

#about me #tagged

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