#shit that's super funny in hindsight
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hey i forgot about this
(and the retaliation)
#shit that's super funny in hindsight#claude giroux#radko gudas#IIHF worlds 2017#bet brunette sewed them a get-along jersey in florida
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the hinata kinning is strong tonight
#marzi speaks#once again. shoutout to izuru for calling me out on that enough times for me to realize itâs the truth#crazy thing is i keep finding out how correct it is in different ways#like i realized recently. i have no idea who i am or who iâm supposed to be#i think i know who i wanna be? but i might already be that person and not even know it#and the other night i was sitting there. and i thought âwho the hell am i.â and then i realized thatâs such a fucking hajime ass thought#identity issues moment. teehee !!#i didnât⊠think i had identity issues??? but shit i might !!!#it might be genderfluidity having a moment. it might be stress. it could be anything#anything could be responsible for the way i am. if i would be likely to do anything given the right circumstances#how can i know that any choice i make is truly my own#âŠi need to go to bed. it might be bedtime#do you see what i MEAN though??? goddamn. i should work on getting a therapy appt set up or smth#on a more lighthearted note the whole hajime kinnie thing is SO funny in hindsight#when i asked izuru why he thought i was a hajime kinnie he just went âoblivious and gay. among other things.â#and i said âwhat other things?????â and he went âiâm not gonna bore myself with the details. if anyone would know itâd be me trust meâ#and well. shit! a bitch was right and that still irritates me a little. how the fuck did that fucker know that much about me#it is a super funny interaction though. izuru kamukura came to my blog called me a faggot and left. slay
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Funny things my psychologist evaluating if there was something wrong with me (there was) said without really intending to be as funny as she was that will stick with me forever
- Calling both my autism and ocd symptoms âclassicâ after our first session when she was trying to figure out if there was something there at all
- During session two after I had gotten assigned Mental Illness Quizzes to answer, I clarified that specifically on the autism one I shouldâve answered âYes I do/have thisâ on more stuff than I did, and she Essentially said that it wasnât needed because my answers were uber autistic even without the additions
#She was an icon I hope she has a lovely day#Got hard read by my psychologist moment but she was not wrong for it!!!#She do speak nothing but truths#There is also something very funny in me basically#Coming in for two things#One of which I had suspected for 6 years one which was Super obvious with hindsight#Bringing those specific concerns up#The psychologist going#Eh yeah probably bro#And then needing only one and a half session to figure out that#Yeah bro you were right that Is what's wrong with you#Like dude how funny isn't that#I got such a good grade in mental illness that I came having already accidentally aced the exam#I literally went to an evaluator to ask 'Hey this isn't normal right' and basically got told 'Yeah no shit but also here's actual help'
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i'm sitting here close to 30 listening to MCR music for the first time in my life...
ngl it's not too bad
#it's like 10+ years ago now since they were like big big right?#i had friends who were Big into MCR back when i was in like high school#i've always been super meh about music in general but a big part of my friend group back then were super into some bands#(we all know which ones)#(i did read some rpf mcr fic because of my friends lol. and i was super uncomfortable reading rpf slash back then)#(which in hindsight is kinda funny given the taskmaster shit i read now)#my late 20s have been strangely similar to my teens in a lot of ways so far#with way less intense feelings which is good but also... less intense in the good ways too. more balanced i guess#but it does also make me kinda nostalgic for my teens and i do kinda miss some parts of it.#it's kinda weird ngl#herr's personal tag
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Finally~
I wanted to make a little something to say "Thank you for reading" to cap off WYS! Excuse me while I get mushy for a second-
Yâall are the reason this was able to get done. Your enthusiasm for updates and how the story unfolded really means so much to me. It was the little things that kept me motivated, even during the long hiatus. Seeing you guys pick up and point out little details sprinkled throughout the comic always made my day and gave me a sense of validation. Reactions to things like the surprise of Sansâ nightmare or Grillbyâs comfort all made me super happy. And you guys gave the finale pages the sweetest reception I could ask for. l'm so grateful that you stuck around for the whole thing!
Overall, Iâm very pleased with how this turned out! Interestingly, the main thing Iâd want to change if given the chance is how I wrote Sans and Grillby themselves. Especially Sansâ dialogue. My characterization of them has changed quite a bit over the years (hard to tell bc I donât draw them a lot atm). But that canât really be helped. Just like the way that my art style changed over time. Hindsight does that stuff all the time. Nitpicking aside, I stand by the creative decisions made by 2019 Me
The funny part is that the original comic was 17 pages and I got them all done before hand so I wouldn't run into the issue of falling into a hiatus between pages!!! If y'all are interested in a bts post, Iâll try to dig up those og pages from my old computer. And maybe I'll show the even rougher epilogue draft I threw together for shits and giggles to see if I could get the page count to 69
Sansby has already been super special to me for a long time, finally getting this done and seeing the response strengthened that. Iâve had so many people find me through WYS over the years, it blows my mind. The messages from people who hold it dear really means the world! Without you guys this comic wouldnât be what it is now. Thanks for Staying~
#undertale#sans#grillby#sansby#will you stay comic#fanart#digital art#procreate#artists on tumblr#long post
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the drabble files, p2
p1 | p2
summary: Four weeks into their relationship, Tara meets R's parents for the first time. It does not go well.
warnings:Â Tara is Ghostface, mention of violence mention of sex.
word count:Â 2.5k.
a/n: flashback fic, set pre-all hers. For those who requested Tara being a little shit to R's parents. Enjoy babes!
Tara has been yours for four weeks.Â
Four weeks of bliss. Stars behind your eyes when you kiss. Fireworks when you fuck. Four weeks of kissing in school hallways, and shy smiles, and breathy gasps when you let her take what she wants from you.Â
Itâs perfect. It's all you ever wanted. Â
And itâs time she met your parents.Â
âBe respectful,â You tell Tara, the night before it happens, âCall him âSirâ. And whatever you do, donât tell him weâre having sex.âÂ
âCall him âSirâ?â She asks, nose crinkled, âWhat is this, 18th century England?âÂ
âJust do it, Tara, please,â You beg, âI want him to like you. Heâs an old-fashioned guy, weâre lucky heâs even agreed to meet you at all.âÂ
âYeah, I feel super lucky right now.â She holds up one of your sundresses. One youâd specifically picked out for her to wear, âI canât wear this, baby, Iâll look like a choir-girl.âÂ
âThatâs what Iâm going for.â You say. You lean in and kiss her slow, âPlease, honey. If he doesnât like you, there will be hell to pay. I told you about Aaron.âÂ
Aaron was your first kiss. Behind one of the pews at Sunday school. When your Dad had found out about it, heâd pulled you from the classes and forbid you from ever talking to him again.Â
Tara looks over at you, stormy-eyed. She hates when you bring up your exes, something you really donât understand. But itâs sexy, kind of, the way she grips your waist and kisses you hard. Like sheâs trying to wipe his name from your lips. Sheâs possessive, this you already know, but it still makes your stomach flip.Â
âTara-â You squeal as she all but tackles you back onto the bed, ripping off your jeans and spreading your legs like youâre hers for the taking, âYou need to try on the sundress-â
âIâm sure it fits,â She assures, pressing her lips to your neck, âIâm sure itâs tight. But not as tight as you are.âÂ
The sundress falls to the floor, unruined.Â
But you, on the other hand? Not so much.Â
-
Youâre walking a little funny the next day.Â
Tara hasnât really been rough before, but she was last night. Marks on your chest, kind of rough. Handprints around your neck, kind of rough. Aching down there, kind of rough.Â
The kind of rough that makes you eager for your parents to like her. Because if this is what sheâs like when she gets jealous, you donât ever want it to stop.Â
You wait outside the house, lip between your teeth. Your Mom has cooked up a storm, excited to meet the girl youâve gushed about for the last four weeks. Your Dad, perhaps unrelated, perhaps not, has been cleaning his shotgun all morning.Â
It makes you nervous.Â
Your Mom, sheâs easy. One of Taraâs pretty smiles and sheâll be sold. But your Dad? Sheâll have to work a little harder.
You watch as Taraâs car pulls up, stand to meet her.Â
Sheâs wearing a pair of baggy jeans and an old band t-shirt. You, in your Sunday best, gawp at her from the porch.Â
âWhat happened to the sundress?â You ask as she moves to kiss you.Â
She frowns as you retract.Â
âNot exactly my style, babe.â She says, and then grins, âYou want easy access, huh? Youâll have to work a little harder than that.âÂ
Her arms loop around your waist.Â
You smack her off.Â
âStop it. And donât make jokes like that, my Dad wonât like it.âÂ
Tara withdraws, a little irritated.Â
âJust behave. Please.â You beg. Tara has a bad-girl aura about her that youâre usually attracted to. But today, you want it to disappear, âJump through his hoops, make him like you.â
âWhy do you care so much about what that guy thinks?â Tara asks, perplexed.Â
âBecause âthat guyâ is my Father, Tara.â You say, âPlease, baby. Promise.âÂ
Tara sighs.Â
âIâll do my best.â Is what she says, and in hindsight, it should have been the first warning sign.Â
Your mother is all smiles as you bring Tara in.Â
âOh, Tara,â She squeals, wrapping your girlfriend up in a hug, âWeâve heard so much about you.âÂ
Your Dad hovers in the hallway, expression blank.Â
He offers a hand to Tara, who shakes it.Â
âTara.â He says.Â
âNice to meet you, Sir.â Tara says, on her best behavior. You squeeze her hip.Â
âShould we eat?â You suggest.Â
Your Mom has made sweet-corn fritters. She shares it around, nudges a little extra onto Taraâs plate. Under the table, you squeeze her thigh.Â
Sheâs doing so good. More mild-mannered than youâve ever seen her. And then your Dad has to open his mouth.Â
âSo, Tara,â He says, and you can hear the distaste in his voice by her name on his tongue. Tara must hear it too, judging by the way she tenses, slightly, âWhat are your plans for the future?â
Tara waits a moment.Â
âWell, Iâm going to finish high school,â She says, cutting into her fritter, âAnd then Iâll go to college, probably. Somewhere east. Maybe Yale, or Harvard.âÂ
Your Mom beams. Â
Your Dad tuts.Â
âYou have to have pretty good grades to get into Harvard,â He says, eyes narrowed.Â
Tara smiles.Â
âIâm a straight-A student, Sir.âÂ
âConfident, too.â Says your Dad. He looks over at you, âIt takes more than good grades. And what do you suppose youâll be doing at Yale or Harvard?â
Youâve known your Dad long enough to know when heâs being patronizing. You shoot him a look.Â
Interlock your fingers with Taraâs, squeezing her hand reassuringly.Â
âIâm going to study film.â She says, without a beat and your Dad laughs.Â
Tara blinks.Â
âFilm? Youâre going to Harvard to study film?â He says, eyes sparkling, âWell, thatâs like going to work at NASA as a janitor.âÂ
âDad.â You say, voice sharp.Â
âIâm sorry,â You Dad says, but heâs still laughing. Your Mom looks uncomfortable and Taraâs staring at him like she doesnât see the joke, âI shouldn't laugh. Itâs nice to have dreams.â
You wrap a protective arm around Taraâs waist.Â
âTaraâs top of her class. In every subject.â You say, âYale and Harvard, theyâll be fighting over her.âÂ
âIâm sure.â Says your Mother, trying to be supportive, âFilm is a very interesting subject, Tara.â
âIt is,â Says Tara, relaxing slightly, âI just love movies. I want to make my own.âÂ
âAnd youâll be really good at it, babe.â You say, rubbing her back. She smiles back at you.Â
âNot a very high success rate though, is it?â Your Dad says, âI mean, itâs a very competitive industry.â
âIâm a very competitive person.â Tara says, voice even.Â
Your Dad leans back in his chair.Â
âI donât mean to grill you,â Your Dad says, âItâs just - tortured artist? Theyâre not known for bringing in much money. And YNâs my baby-girl, I need to know the person spending time with her is good enough for her.âÂ
Your Dadâs smile is light. Fake, almost. But you can tell Tara doesnât like what heâs just said. Her grip on your hand tightens.Â
âWell, you donât have to worry about that, Sir.â She says, pointedly, âBecause sheâs my baby-girl now. Youâre relieved of your duty.âÂ
You Dad blinks. His expression frosts over slightly. Taraâs tone is anything but friendly.
 Back off, it screams, sheâs mine.Â
You shift, uncomfortable. Â
âWhy donât we talk about something else?â You suggest, but neither of them are listening to you.Â
âSheâll always be my baby.â Says your Dad. He points his fork at her, âYou should remember that, Ms Carpenter.âÂ
âAnd sheâs mine now.â Snipes back Tara, âYou should remember that, Sir.âÂ
âI think Mom made muffins, why donât we get them, babe?â You interject, trying to pry Tara to her feet. But she doesnât budge.Â
âI donât care for your tone, young lady.â Says your Dad. Heâs sitting up in his seat, glaring. Taraâs look mirrors his.Â
âDaddy, she doesnât mean anything by it,â You say hurriedly, âSheâs just protective, thatâs all.âÂ
You look to your Mother for help.
She reaches over, grabs your Fatherâs hand.Â
âLetâs cool it down, a notch, alright honey?â She says, voice pointed. Your Dad watches Tara a moment, then nods, slumping back in his seat. You breathe a sigh of relief, and then flash a look of gratitude over to your Mom.
She smiles back at you.Â
âWhy donât you tell us about yourself, Tara?â Asks your Mom, perfectly innocently, âWhat do you like to do? What do you two do together?â Â
You donât have to look at Tara to know the expression on her face.Â
Taraâs hobbies consisted of watching movies, smoking blunts with her friends and fucking you. In reverse order.Â
âNormal stuff,â You say hurriedly, before she can interject with the truth, âWe watch movies. Sometimes Tara watches me play soccer.âÂ
âOh, isnât that sweet.â Says your Mom, grin on her face, âI used to watch your father play varsity baseball in college, isnât that right, sweetheart?â
Your Dad grunts. Heâs still staring at Tara, whoâs staring right back at him.Â
âLast girl watched you play soccer too,â He says, voice loaded, âSarah? Sadie? Whatever her name was. She didnât last long either.âÂ
Taraâs hand on your thigh tightens so hard you wince.Â
âTaraâs different to Sadie, Dad.â You say, shooting a reassuring look over to Tara, âSadie was just a fling. Taraâs my girlfriend.âÂ
âUh huh.â Your Dad says, unconvinced, âYour girlfriend of less than four weeks.âÂ
âA lot can happen in four weeks,â Tara says, rising to the challenge, âThatâs twenty-eight days of kissing and hand-holding and plenty of other things.âÂ
Your Dad sits up in his seat.Â
âAnd what exactly are you trying to say?â Your Dad says, his face a little red, âBecause if you want to stay kissing my daughter and holding her hand, Iâd suggest you mind your manners.âÂ
âDarling,â Says your Mother, looking a little embarrassed, âThereâs no need to raise your voice. Iâm sure Tara was just suggesting theyâve had plenty of time to fall in love, isnât that right sweetheart?â
She looks over to Tara, voice almost a plea.Â
Tara smiles.Â
âOf course, Sir.â She says, âI just meant YN and I have had time to explore our feelings for each other.âÂ
The sigh you let out matches your Mothers.Â
You manage to veer the conversation back to chit chat. Your Mother tells Tara what you were like as a kid. She asks about Taraâs family, about her friends. And it seems to work.Â
Your Father falls silent, pushing his food around his plate.Â
Tara charms the pants off your mother, you watch, a little proud, squeezing her hand and trying your very best to to reach over and kiss her in front of your parents.Â
Itâs going well, finally.Â
And then your Mother moves to go get the dessert and everything falls apart.Â
Your Dad is the first to speak. He leans over the table, his eyes narrowed. Looking straight at Tara.Â
âYouâre a real womanizer, you know.â He says, voice sharp. Tara stares. You blink.Â
âYouâve got my wife hanging onto every word. Youâve got my daughter hanging off you like sheâs a three dollar whore and youâre her gang-banger pimp-â
âDad-â
âBut I want you to know that I see right through you. My daughter does not belong to you.âÂ
Taraâs quiet a moment.
But your Dad doesnât stop his assault.Â
âI donât like you.â He continues, âI think youâre rude and disrespectful and obnoxious and I donât know what my daughter sees in you.âÂ
âDaddy.â You gasp.Â
But he doesnât look at you. Heâs staring at Tara. She swallows, and then leans forward.Â
âAnd I think youâre a stuffy old asshole who needs to realize his daughter is her own person. She doesnât belong to you either.â Tara says, leaning in. Her voice is quiet. Calculated.Â
You want to ground to swallow you whole.Â
Your Father leans back in his chair, infuriated. He looks at you, points one of his pudgy fingers at Tara.Â
âYouâre not to see her anymore. At school, at soccer practice. Anywhere. And if I catch her within five feet of you, Iâll make good use of my new twelve gauge shotgun.â He's so angry, his voice shakes.
âYou canât ban me from seeing Tara,â You hiss across the table, âI love her, daddy, I wonât break up with her.âÂ
âAs long as youâre under my roof, youâll do what I say.â Says you Dad, slamming his fist down on the table. His face is purple. Youâve not seen him like this since that night after Sunday school. After Aaron.Â
Tara grips your hand.Â
âDonât worry,â Tara sneers, âI have no desire to ever step foot in this house again.âÂ
She leans in.Â
âBut that wonât stop me from going knuckle deep in your daughter yesterday, and today, and the day after-â
âTara!â You hiss.Â
Your Dad stands, slamming his cutlery to the table in outrage.Â
âHow dare you-â He hisses.Â
âWho wants a Blueberry muffin?â Your Mom makes her entrance, wide smile on her face. It falters as she sees the scene in front of her.Â
âI want that girl out of my house, now.â Says your Father, hands balled in fists, âYN, go to your room. Youâre grounded.âÂ
âFor what?âÂ
âWhere do I start?â Says your Father, eyes flashing, âMaybe the underage sex? The lies? The disrespect?âÂ
âThe sex?â Says your mother, looking at you, crestfallen.Â
âIâm sixteen, Dad, Iâm old enough to have sex.â You say helplessly, tears falling thick and fast from your eyes.Â
âDarling-â Says your Mother, but your Father holds up his hand.Â
âOver my dead body will you copulate with a Carpenter,â He says, eyes narrow, âTheyâre no good, everyone says it. Deadbeat father. Alcoholic mother. Drug addict of a sister. So what does that make her?â
âYou want to find out?â Asks Tara. Sheâs up in a flash. Her eyes are wide, angry. Sheâs dropped your hand, and if you didnât know any better, youâd think sheâs about to throw herself across the table and launch herself at your Father.Â
âOut!â Thunders your Father.Â
You tug at Taraâs hand.
âIf sheâs going, Iâm going.â You say, tears in your eyes, and lead her through the hallway, ignoring the spiel of expletives your Father spews at you.Â
Youâre out the door before he can grab you.Â
Youâre climbing into the passenger car when you see him running out of the house, red-faced, shotgun in hand. Tara presses her foot to the gas and speeds out of there before he can so much as point it at her.Â
Your eyes blur with tears. Taraâs hand grips your thigh.Â
Before you know it, youâre at her house. Sheâs tugging your seatbelt off and all but carrying you into the house.Â
âIâm sorry.â She says, and she does look like she means it. Brown eyes wide, full of sorrow. Like she hadnât wanted it to go this way, âI should have worn the sundress.âÂ
You nuzzle into her chest.Â
âItâs not your fault,â You say, âHe can be such an asshole, sometimes.âÂ
She presses a kiss to the top of your head.Â
âGuess youâre banned from seeing me, now.â She says.Â
You tilt your head up and kiss her, fiercely.
âI love you,â You assure, âMy asshole Dad can cry and scream all he wants, but heâll never keep me away from you.â
At this, she smiles.Â
âPromise?â She asks, her dark eyes a little doubtful.Â
You kiss her again.Â
âPromise.â
#the drabble files#all hers#ghostface!tara#fanfic#mine#tara carpenter#scream#scream vi#tara carpenter x yn#jenna ortega x yn#jenna ortega#tara carpenter x reader#tara carpenter x you
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HAPPY 1-YEAR OF DRAWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!
(Warning: slightly longer post incoming cause sometimes I gotta be a sentimental bitch ok? So let's go on a little trip down memory lane.)
This day, a year ago, I made my very first fanart. It was dnf (if that surprises you, then welcome to being on my blog for the very first time). I drew a little frog face too so I could use it as a watermark (fun fact: I still use that very same first one).
I immediately put my drawing up on twt because I told myself that I wasn't gonna be afraid of having people see that I was at the very beginning of this journey and had no clue what I was doing. That instead of being bad at art, I was gonna be awesome at being a beginner who doesn't know shit.
I started with little doodles and silly comics and then I laughed way too long when the first drawing of mine that gained some attention was a dnf butt joke. At the time I was trying to balance shipping and non-shipping art so I didn't even draw dnf that much but in hindsight it's probably the only possible way this could have gone.
At the very end of August I woke up to @honelle56 caps-locking at me in my messages - I was very confused and tired (I am no morning person and I will never be, fuck off with your mornings) because Dranart liked my drawing of singing Dream. Dranart was my 17th follower on twt which is a useless yet extremely funny fact about my time on that hellsite.
I also drew human!patches because a) patches was and will always be my favorite dteam member and b) it was a really cute trend and while I do love drawing dream, george and sapnap, I was also quite happy to try drawing anything but a white man for once. And I really liked how the drawing turned out.
Much, much later, I tried to draw my first slightly more realistic looking drawing. I was extremely confused on how to draw anything like this. Especially their hair gave me tons of trouble but given my experience, I think it's not a bad attempt.
When hijacked smp started I obviously wanted to participate, and I drew c!blu who doesn't associate with any side in particular but instead serves soup to everyone who visits her tavern 'The Soup House'. She also wants to be paid in stories from all around the map.
One of the events I was most excited about was dnf week. I even collaborated with two talented writers and I drew the corresponding art for two fics.
(Fun or not so fun fact: when twt had like three hundred collaborative aneurysms about the situation at that moment, that was when I created this tumblr account. I didn't use it super actively (I guess I needed another situation to fully make the switch) but I at least started the account that now developed quite a bit since then.)
I didn't really draw at all through January and February and I actually kinda thought I would move on from that hobby and fandom (not because of negative feelings, just because I didn't really have the urge to create anything within this fandom) and then situations happened and now I am here; and for some reason that is beyond any logic and my understanding I am now even more insane about dteam.
Wild to me but we are rolling with it now, I guess.
Since I got here, I drew more than ever (I actually think I might have made more drawings in the month since I got here than I made the whole rest of the year). There's just such an active and funny community here that cares about fan works for the sake of creating and not just because a CC might see it.
Unfortunately, Tumblr won't let me add more than 10 images in one post (maybe fortunately for everyone who has this monstrosity of a post on their dash). So if you want to see all the progress I made since I got here, you can look at everything in my art tag. For now, I will close this post with one of the art works from the past month that I like the most:
Can't wait to see what the next year might bring :)
Love, blu
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do whichever you want, I dont care lol
zenitsu agatsuma
Leo valdez
tanjirou kamado
grover underwood
they are put in order of how much I simp for them
A/N: I'm going to assume you want x reader because yeah lmaooo but since his birthday is today, I figured I'd do our favorite Uncle Leo hahahah Here's the masterlist!!
Warning(s): Cursing, mentions of being burned, blood, crying, you are Leo are best friends, angst with a happy ending, Leo is in love and doesn't realize it bahaha, reader is unclaimed, people be shit talking, there's no timeline for this, just insert it where you want lmao, reader is gn but is written with f!reader in mind, usage of Y/N, Leo refers to you as an angel
Pairing(s): Leo Valdez x Reader
âąâââââąÂ°âąââąÂ°âąâââââ ÊïżœïżœáŽáŽáŽÉŽ ââââââąÂ°âąâïžâąÂ°âąâââââą
Aw fuck.
Leo may or may not have royally messed up. Like a ton.
He didn't even know how it happened, because one moment he's walking through Camp Halfblood with you, his best friend in the entire world, and the next, he overhears some bastards talking shit about you and he just...snaps.
"Ugh who'd you get on your team for capture? Can't believe Mr. D thought it would be a good idea to split up the cabins and 'mix and match'"
"Yeah it's honestly super dumb- I'm not complaining though, I've got Annabeth."
"You're just lucky- I got Y/N of all people- literally the most annoying person on camp- and honestly the most useless too."
At at the sound of that, Leo whipped his head to you, just in time to see your eyes wide, on the brink of brimming with tears before looking forwards, attempting to pretend you didn't hear anything.
But you had.
And Leo knew.
You were unclaimed, and you mostly kept to yourself until Leo found you tending to Festus while he was away one day- and surprisingly the metal dragon seemed completely at ease around you.
Leo was awestruck, and ever since then, you two had gotten extremely close, the son of Hephaestus even found himself longing to be in your presence whenever he was on quests.
You were quiet, but around him, you opened up more, you were funny, and kind, and you have a quick tongue too, always engaging in light banter with him that never ceased to be entertaining to either of you.
To him, you were perfect- because you were there. His first best friend technically wasn't his in the first place, given that Jason, Piper and Leo himself were all under Hera's unnerving control. Needless to say, the three of them were still close, but Leo couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't genuine.
Along with the rest of the Argo II members, he felt more like a seventh wheel more than anything (if that was even possible) and deep down, the nagging thought that he was nothing but a burden always lingered.
Around you though, he felt like someone, like he was special - around you, he felt like Leo Valdez.
Maybe that's why he got so mad, he didn't even know he could get so mad- and the next thing he knows, a murderous scowl is painted on his face and he's lunging for the two other campers, fists ablaze.
But you were faster.
You, sweet angel you, saw what was coming the moment his palms tightened into fists, lunging forward to stop him, using your hands to stop him own.
In hindsight, you probably should've remembered his hands were on fire.
But even as pain seared your palms to the point tears where subconsciously running down your face, you swallowed, and stood firm.
"Leo, please." you beg weakly, and in an instant, his flames distinguish, and your blood now paints his first- horror overtaking his face as you stare into his eyes pleadingly. "They're not worth it."
Leo, in his guilt ridden frozen state, can only bring himself to look at you, and yet, he doesn't deserve it, your eyes wide and cheeks stained with tears- he can't believe he had done this to you.
He, of all people, had hurt his angel, his haven, his best friend.
But you didn't waver, when he buried his hands in his eyes, sobbing uncontrollably, you said nothing, engulfing him in your arms and pressing his face into the crook of your neck and he heaved, tears soaking into your shirt.
He was broken, but he knew, even if he didn't deserve it, you would be there to pick up his fragments, piece by piece, with your damaged hands, just so you two could be together again.
#leo valdez#leo valdez x you#leo valdez x y/n#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez x f!reader#pjo x reader#pjo x you#pjo x y/n#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackson and the heroes of olympus#hoo x reader#hoo x you#hoo x y/n#ââ§Ë° đđđ đđđđđ đđđ đđđđđđđđđ â °Ëâ§â#âïœĄâ§ËÊ đđđ đđđđđ đđđđđđđđ ÉËâ§ïœĄâ
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Another funny dental story for you: I had to cut a deal with my dentist to get my wisdom teeth out. The deal being it had to done via local anesthetic, because there wasn't an anesthesiologist. He got to the last wisdom tooth and when I signaled for too much pain, he tapped the area next to the tooth asked "can you feel this?" When I said yes, he went "well,,, it's halfway out so...." and proceeded to rip the tooth out with no more anesthetic :) its super funny in hindsight but wowza
Look, im ngl.... but there are times that dentists do shit like that and it's okay to do it too. Have I done it? Yes. Has anyone of my patients been traumatised or even complained for not stopping? No. In fact, even at the times when I did stop because it was necessary, patients have asked me to just "rip it out". Ma'am you'd a pop a vessel and die if I continuedđ
Look, in my clinical experience of what- barely 2 years??? I've observed that it takes A LOT to actually kill a patient by a dental procedure. None of my patients have died. 2 of them have fainted, but that was because of fear and hunger.
Yall would think I'm doing a comedy show with how I'm talking to my patients when I'm pulling out their teeth. My trick is to talk so much about everything and anything so that they're too distracted to even register the pain (which in most cases is just pressure) before pulling it out, maybe do a happy dance when the tooth comes out whole instead of in pieces.
The patient is happy, I'm happy, my supervisor is confused and my friends are laughing. But guess who's did the most extractions among them all? Me.
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omgg i started following you because i loved your motogp posts and i did not expect to get emotionally attacked about my tennis fave like this. you've lit expressed everything ive felt abt tennis lately like daniil's return game has developed so well these last few years if only his shoulders were still functional he wld be soo unstoppable (i remember like last 2 year-ish when his serve suddenly went to shit and i was like wtf is going on?? but then it turned out his shoulders don' work anymoređđđ) ngl i did not expect him to make it to the ao finals this yr at all but then he did and i started getting hope again and then well uk what happened next... (i actually went to bed when he was up 2 sets because i alrdy had premonitions for what was abt to happen and i didnt need that experience twice đ) anyways i finally quit watching the men's tour reguarly middle of this yr-ish because mostly because my biggest opp started winning big tournanments/slams consistently and i cld not take it anymore (part of why i got into motogp ig, i needed a new thing to fill in the hole)
also ur thing being having to be the chosen one in men's tennis is soo true but i wld argue it cld even be broadened down to being in the chosen generation... every 90s born player doomed to be seen as the weak links of the sport, both forever destined to be surpassed by those who came before and those who came after...
anyways mostly i also just wanted to thank you for writing all your super information motogp posts!! not only is ur writing style super informative/consistent, all the topics u've written abt feel super unique like i doubt i wld ever randomly stumble elsewhere. i'm not that good w/ words so idk how to fully express my appreciation, but your posts are the main reason i started delving into more past motogp races and interviews instead of just sticking to current ones which has 1000% made my experience of becoming a motogp fan more enjoyable!
đ„șđ„ș such a nice ask from a fellow sufferer... I actually tried to sleep in for the ao final and managed for like. maybe a set. it's so funny to have a whole fanbase quite literally begging their player not to go up two sets to love, zero hindsight needed I was HORRIFIED by that second set going his way... especially since I noticed the balance of play in the actual games had changed and meddy wasn't winning any return points anymore, just relying on an earlier break to seal that set iirc. and then I started going for increasingly desperate tactics to distract myself when the inevitable happened in the next three sets (including rewatching marc marquez: all in, it was rough man, like I get what you're saying about getting into motogp to escape because generally I too have fled to this sport whenever tennis has most been pissing me off)
and obviously that final was very trauma flashbacks to my definitive sports trauma, a match I'm STILL not over and at this rate have accepted I'll be miserable about until the day I die. but this time I couldn't even BLAME him because it was an insane effort to even get to the final, he'd done such a fantastic job given his tennis really wasn't there at the start of the tournament, he just kept figuring out ways to win... the hurkacz match where he basically ran out of fuel in the fourth, that crazy semifinal where he just refused to know when he was beaten, and then taking two sets off sinner in that final!! the resilience and the grit but also the tactical acumen, like my god when he blindsided hurkacz by radically altering his return position RIGHT AFTER doing that post-match back-and-forth with courier where he explained in detail why he favoured his regular return position. the cleverness and the bravery he showed in clutch points in that semi, something that zverev is completely incapable of (monte carlo 2023 still lives rent free lol), like the psychology of that match slapped. how he took it so sinner, completely caught him off guard by mixing up his game, and it was WORKING. really managed to change the dynamic of that match up... he lost that match first and foremost in his legs. just so cruel after everything. we had the guy who easily disposed of an admittedly rubbish djokovic in the semis on the ropes. and it still. was. not. fucking. enough. one of the best slam final runs in recent memory and it still wasn't enough!! he's already far outperformed what he SHOULD have been capable of in his career and somehow he keeps developing a game style which should have plateaued ages ago and I have so much respect for the work him and gilles have done post-2022... and he really should have more to show for it
anyway yeah I remember the serve decline in 2022, back when I was really in the weeds with analysing meddy's game. and that was also the year it felt like his legs completely deserted him. his deciding set record that year was horrific after ao, very rarely even got it that far win or lose and when he did so almost always lost (karatsev was cramping, let's not talk about the other third set win)
scorelines from the tour finals genuine miracle i did not throw myself into the sea
only one four set match post-ao and he also lost that, incidentally. and obviously that was partly because his brain was fucked, BUT I also wondered whether it was the aftereffects of the hernia operation that year affecting both the physicality and the serve. and I can't remember if he confirmed that anywhere but the theory's certainly cottoned on to help explain the serve decline, even if his endurance obviously has massively improved again. and then add in the shoulder... it's so brutal because it used to be such a key pillar to his game, like the whole magic was tied together by being able to whizz through his own service games while making his opponent's return games hellish
and like,, the thing I really admire about him is that there was a period in 2022 where it did feel like he'd been 'figured out', like there was increasingly a game plan that could be used against him. serve and volley, etc etc. but to some extent, he's managed to resist just being written off when facing elite competition BECAUSE he keeps coming up with ways to throw his opponents off-balance. what he's been doing this year, for all that it hasn't gotten him great results, has been so much fun to watch - really reminded me of his summer/autumn 2019 stretch where he'd played so much he should've constantly been at risk of keeling over of exhaustion but adapted to it by just becoming a completely different player. wawrinka uso 2019 match still goes crazyyyy, one of his most underrated performances. serve and volley in the uso 2019 final I wanna run to u. it's such a wonderfully unique game that's frankensteining all these unique parts together that all sort of shouldn't work but all sort of do, harnessed and constantly reinvented by (let's face it) the smartest top player currently in the game. and it really does piss me off that he hasn't been rewarded more. he's been the best of the rest since 2019, he's absolutely maximised his game for someone who doesn't have that stratospheric big three-level of talent and I WANT it to actually matter. but men's tennis will always see talent triumphing over guile I fear, and meddy has consistently been a victim of poor timing
and yeah, the generational aspect is true, where the entire ''''''''nextgen''''''''' cohort has essentially been doomed - partly because they just weren't good enough, but partly because they arrived at just the right time window to still be thoroughly traumatised by the big three without getting any kind of a break before the next super talents showed up. until 2022 I really did naively believe we were getting a chaos era of SOME kind until that decrepit spanish ghoul showed up in australia to trample all over my soul and give me depression, and then immediately another bloody spaniard started going at it. how can you not be a little bit bitter that alcaraz got to swan to his first slam title without having to face a single member of the big three? idk man like sometimes it really is the magic of sports that the anointed few don't just have talent on their side, they are also fantastically lucky. you see it with how the big three all secured their first slams... things just seem to work out somehow. infuriating and existentially horrifying
anyway. lol. as you can see I do always have a tennis rant in me. will always be a major part of my life, obviously something I have a far far better understanding of than any other sport, still keep up with the women's game fairly closely... where icl it helps that the players I'm most invested in have dropped off SO badly this year, partly due to injury, that I can merrily ignore their existence. plus, and this bit is crucial, I don't loathe the players who actually win things. so I'm in a happy place where I just enjoy the sport and (if anything) want Certain top players to do better than they currently are... but also don't lose any sleep over the results. like, have I been massively frustrated with iga this year? yes, but it's also not made me stare at a wall for five hours. also, it's just been a way better product than this predictable basher servebot shit from the men. women's wimbledon semi day THE best tennis day of the year, prove me wrong. they've had actual classic matches, which the men have been noticeably short on. just sort of been an odd season for the men, with djokovic shrivelling and alcaraz patchy outside of two slams and sinner doing his whole 'I'm not a cardboard cut out I'm a REAL boy' routine on his way to fifty hard court titles and everyone else irrelevant. as I've already said... it's fine. whatever. hope the sport enjoys fifty thousand alcaraz/sinner slam wins as the earth keeps turning around the sun and eventually we all turn to dust. it's fine
and seriously, thank you for everything in the ask... always happy to hear I've made someone's fan experience like. better. and that I add something a little bit different to the mix lol, also literally no compliment I like to read more than anything to do with my actual writing. because this ask was so lovely, here's my personal favourite moment as a tennis fan this year:
still think that australian open title should be restored to us
#âmy biggest opp started winning big tournaments/slams consistentlyâ REAL that bit kinda broke me#athletes who are super good and u get no real sense of why they care whether they win or lose like?? i hate u#when he said he was thinking on the flight back from ao what he should've done better in the first two sets... literally fuck off#'oh he's just introverted' iga's also introverted and she seems to take severe psychological damage every other week. as it should be#//#batsplat responds#but do have to confess: before late last year i did generally root for him against alcaraz out of a sort of enemy of my enemy impulse#remember when he used to be our pigeon </3#last time sinner was funny was when medvedev yawned while walking past him during changeover as the italian crowd went nuts#medvedev's fuck southern europe tour of late 2021 u will ALWAYS be famous#getting the french the italians AND the spaniards to boo you within like a month? last time i felt alive#he was dropping banger after banger back then... remember his 'it's easier to enjoy life when you have no brain' monologue about the french#the record books may write him off as a single slam champ but the streets will NEVER forget
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Itâs also funny that Shen Yuan implied becoming peak lord was easy with the help of demons, instead of SQH just sabotaging the other disciples
They're both such unreliable narrators that you can introduce basically any reality you want, but it's true that the Airplane Extras make so much of the main story hilarious in hindsight. It generally reads to me that Shang Qinghua is honestly good at his job. It is super funny to think that maybe the original goods needed to assassinate people to get ahead in PIDW, but Airplane Bro is probably college-educated possibly in a relevant field and apparently working hard enough that he accidentally skipped the need for murder.
Cucumberplane get in an argument about something and Shen Yuan goes, "Big words from someone who killed 33 people to become the peak lord!" (He remembers the exact line from PIDW, even!) And Shang Qinghua goes, "I did what now?"
Because, like, between the deaths of his fellow disiciple when meeting Mobei-Jun and all the deaths he's partially responsible for at the Immortal Alliance Conference, his hands aren't clean! Though he's kept it to accomplice levels! It's very alarming to be suddenly accused of additional murder he doesn't actually remember committing. Big "oh shit, my king, what did you do now???" moment.
#2manythoughts-headstillempty#ask tossawary#tossawary svsss#cucumberplane#shen yuan#shang qinghua#fic ideas
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Scriddler fic recommendations!!!
Stay (2017) by iammemyself
Rating: General
49,873 words, 11/11 chapters (discontinued)
Arkhamverse
After Arkham Knight, Jonathan and Edward move to Canada together, where the full weight of Edward's grief crashes down on the both of them.
This fic is fucking miserable in the best way possible. It feels so grey and depressing like almost the entire time even with its ups and downs. Things get better, but it's fucking hard. Legit among my favorite fics. Also Jon's so obscenely old here I love it lmfao. (There's also a Stay (2016) I haven't actually looked at, might be a prequel or smthn idk)
I'm With You by nonbinaryspock
Rating: Mature
50,684 words, 35/35 chapters
Jonathan and Edward rekindle their somewhat messy relationship from their college years. Things are still a bit messy but they've at least got some hindsight.
Hella angsty, they're both so horribly dysfunctional <3 (specifically Jonathan will just say/think the absolute wildest shit and then just go on like that's normal). I really just love how visceral their emotions can be.
Runs In The Family by ChaoticMimzy
Rating: Mature
8,703 words, 5/5 chapters
Edward's father dies and he goes to his funeral (solely to be there for his sister, mind you) where he grapples with past trauma and catholic guilt.
Very very rogues podcast coded (highest compliment). It's mostly Edward-centric and doesn't focus on the scriddler too much but it's still worth a read. Edward's rage towards his childhood circumstances is so potent and agonizing I love it so much. He should get to kill god a little bit imo
(More below)
Let me play you a song on my violin by batmanforeverlol
Rating: Teen
7,206 words, 1/1 chapters
Ghost AU. Edward is a retired criminal turned private investigator who finds himself running through a cemetery, where he meets a man playing a violin.
Ngl I cried super hard reading this but it's also one of my absolute favorites. Why would you write this? Why would you hurt me in this way? (It's really sweet but also really fucking sad, you should read it. Share my pain)
Terminal by iammemyself, promethea (Aerosol)
Rating: General
7,073 words, 1/1 chapters
Edward gets brain cancer again, this time the Lazarus pits aren't gonna help him.
As you could imagine, this fic is just sad from start to finish. I cried so fucking much reading it its not even funny.
He Just Likes The Rush by Human_Resourccs
Rating: General
16,072 words, 9/9 chapters
Jonathan's thrill-seeking brings him some interesting company. (Or, as I know it: the fic where a fucking spider lives in Jonathan's hair for months and Edward still lets him touch him. If that's not love I don't know what is)
Sapiophile by XavIniesta685
Rating: Mature
17,529 words, 3/3 chapters
The Moon Is Not Made Of Cheese by Stry_Shttu
Jonathan has given up in every sense and is about to leave Gotham until a series of events change his mind. A lot of "falling in love within a day" fics can feel kinda forced but this one flows really naturally.
Rating: Teen
7,820 words, 1/1 chapters
Arkhamverse
Edward is lonely, Jonathan goes to see him while also being Jason Todd's really lame dad. A good mix of sweet and silly.
The Boy With The Thorn In His Side by 30PacketsofKetchup
Rating: Teen
21,542 words, 8/? chapters (this fic hasn't been updated in like 5 years so be ready for that specific brand of agony)
Teenager AU. Jonathan meets the mildly annoying new boy in town and they bond.
I looove this fic so much I'm absolutely heartbroken that it wasn't ever finished. Idk the vibes are nice and I love how flustered young Jon gets when he's got a crush.
South of Hell by nonbinaryspock
Rating: Teen
14,194 words, 35/35 chapters
Teenager AU. No one in their awful little town likes Edward or Jonathan, but they've at least got eachother. Very southern gothic.
Exit Wounds by nonbinaryspock
Rating: Teen
18,066 words, 38/38 chapters
Demon/supernatural AU. Edward is a private investor and his demon ex-boyfriend suddenly shows up after 5 years in need of a place to stay. Edward is thoroughly unimpressed.
I'm in love with this AU big time, it's got some pretty neat world building. I also love how distinctive the characterizations here are. BAH I'm not great at describing but it's very angsty and good.
Frighteningly Unprofessional by bookynerdgoblin
Rating: Mature
28,412 words, 11/11 chapters
One of Jonathan's students knows about his unethical experiments, however instead of reporting him, he offers to help in exchange for his partnership. Things spiral from there. Edward is purposefully being super obvious and Jonathan talks to his cat like a person.
Words by scarecrowv
Rating: General
4,651 words, 1/1 chapters
Edward's daughter keeps calling Jon "mama" and he has no idea how to handle it, aka psychology professor Dr Jonathan Crane talks to a 2 year old like an adult.
A Case Study in Step-Parenting by Ifthinkerwrites
Rating: General
16,053 words, 5/5 chapters
Another lil scriddler family fic, Jonathan navigates step-parenthood :)
Sitzfleisch by SproxGrail
Rating: Mature
1,205 words, 1/? chapters
Jonathan is living in Edward's walls and talks about him like a little freak. I need this fic to update again please please please it's so creepy I'm in love with it
Some series to look at as well!
Memoryverse by Enigmatic_Robin
Rating: General
15,393 words, 11 works
A bit more of a psychological horror/thriller than a romance. Jonathan is manipulating Edward into complete dependency. It seems easy while Edward is in love with him, but he'd better watch out for when that veil slips.
Scriddler Family AU by Enigmatic_Robin
Rating: General
17,722 words, 9 works
Scarecrow and Riddler end up raising Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake. And all the shenanigans that come with that.
Love Me Dead by lymongrab
Rating: Explicit
25,624 words, 6 works
Kinda just a nice progression in Jonathan and Edward's relationship with some added spice here and there. Mostly pretty sweet.
Arkhamverse by iammemyself
Rating: General
354,608 words, 28 works
In which Edward and Jonathan's relationship is a bit complicated, but Edward is also a robot dad!!
(Everything from here is nsfw centric)
This section would be longer but i actually found out the person who wrote some nsfw fics i really liked was actually a proshipper weirdo so I'm not including those. Why can't people be normal
Kiss The Go-Goat by korereapers
Rating: Explicit
5,203 words, 1/1 chapters
Demon AU. Edward summons a demon and gets a little carried away
Shout out to this fic for getting me into Ghost, the only band I ever listen to now lmfao. Anyway I'm a big sucker for anything involving monster/demon/creature!Jon
Connected by korereapers
Rating: Explicit
6,458 words, 1/1 chapters
A hookup gets wayyy more emotional than expected. But, y'know, they're not in love or anything. Right?
Comfort by curiouscorvid (prometheanTactician)
Rating: Explicit
4,866 words, 1/1 chapters
Mad Max AU. Edward is traversing the wasteland, where he finds and helps a desperate escapee.
I've found that Mad Max AUs are always so sad no matter what even though the movie itself is kinda silly lmfao.
worldly pleasures by leetheshark
Rating: Explicit
3,227 words, 1/1 chapters
Arkhamverse
Jonathan doesn't really know how to handle any sensation that isn't painful.
#so many of these are super sad im sorry#but they're GOOD#you should read all of these#i'm too nervous to tag people but idk if any of these authors see this hello you're cool#scriddler#scarecrow#riddler#jonathan crane#edward nygma#fic rec#oxy talks-y
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HEEEEEEEY
Whenever someone makes fan art for me, I wanna cry cause WHAT I LOVE Y'ALL WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LIKE MY STUFF ENOUGH TO WANT TO DRAW IT I'M JUST A SILLY LITTLE RAT IN A TRENCH COAT ATP
(my third meeting for today got cancelled and my payroll is basically done so I'm likely going to be extra loud on here for the next 2-4 business hours (after I finish catching up on this fic))
I CAUGHT UP AND AM DOING HOMEWORK ON FUCKING PARALLAXES LIKE WHAT
I kinda wanna work on Revelations... Ignoring the voices fr rn
3:55 update, guys they fucked around and made my homework like, fun??? --- specifically the kind of fun that my neurodivergent lore-hungry ass dies for. WHY DID THEY DO THAT?? WHY AM I MAD THAT I HAVE TO DO SHIT THAT ISN'T MY HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW????
5:49, I just want you guys to know, since the game has been concepted, I will randomly just think about the ships in it, especially now that they're all tagged, and I just laugh about the fact that I literally own majority of the ship tags. And like, another two of them, I am like one of the only people who actively writes them. And that's genuinely so fucking funny to me like I always get a laugh out of that.
Don't ask me where I got them because they wrote themselves. (Except for Damien/Brimmy, and yes, there is a huge rant about it ready for the day someone opens up the Pandora's box of "how the fuck did you get a ship out of that??" I mean, it also wrote itself, but in a completely different way and there is a very clear cut progression from me having no idea who the fuck Brimmy was literally not even a year ago to them being one of my favorite doomed ships to write.)
But I bring this up because I'm killing time and laughing over this at the moment.
BUT AT SOME POINT I DO WANT TO POST A POLL BC I GEN WANNA KNOW WHAT Y'ALLS FAVORITE SHIP THAT I HAVE (QUESTIONABLY) CREATED IS. LIKE I'M SO FUCKING NOSY BC I HAVE ONES THAT LIKE--- I love as I live and breathe. And then there are ones that just like, fit for the story, are me playing around with dynamics bc I take nothing seriously and sometimes I just do that, or some other random fucking reason I've put a ship together (for example, the ship isn't even real, they're just being forced together for the sake of a manufactured story within a story, and this example is so not super specific and has nothing to do with anything I've ever written, am writing, or will write in the future).
I got off topic. Whatever. I'm taking my leave to go act like a village idiot because it's literally halloween.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE.<3
I MAY OR MAY NOT COME BACK TO DRUNKENLY POST--
Holy shit it's Friday tonight????
Let's fucking go I guess???
ANYWAYS MAY OR MAY NOT COME BACK TO DRUNKENLY POST AN ANSWER LATER.
Also p.s. if anyone's actually reading An Answer,
A. do you want to beta???? pretty please????
B. did you fall into my trap??? are you completely put off by the creek in it yet??? wait idk how far I even am post wise. WHATEVER MY POINT STANDS BC IT'S NOT EVEN JUST THE CREEK. ARE YOU PUT OFF BY THE STORY AND THE WAY IT'S BEING TOLD AND THE WAY THE CHARACTERS ACT?????
I really fucking hope so cause that's like the whole point LMAOOOO LIKE An Answer was so experimental on my part which in hindsight was maybe a bad idea because like-- we rarely get Mysterion being the villain and I was like
oh let me try something I've NEVER done before!!!
hope it carries!!!
but in the same breath, I don't really care because it will never be that serious and Kenny is also the villain in the Trin series. Maybe. Questionably. Kind of. At some point.
AND WITH THAT I'VE ACTUALLY SAID TOO MUCH BYE FOR NOW<3
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not a vent but diabetic shit because why not I want to share my experience
I have diabetes. I've had diabetes sense i was an elementary schooler on the way to middle school. Diabetes fucking sucks and it runs in my family. Because of this, and the fact that my family refuses to call it a disability despite it literally being a chronic illness, it has taken me a while to realize I do infact have a disability.
in hindsight, I am "lucky" that my mom raised me restricting lots of "unhealthy snacks" (non health foods. My mom viewed fucking cheezits as unhealthy and she came from a family that was even stricter with 'healthy' foods.) This meant that when I got diagnosed with diabetes, I would be prepared for the fact that now they weren't just rare treats my mom was learning to be ok with. Now they were aparently dangerous to my health and I could almost never eat them again.
My uncle has severe type 1 diabetes and my mom used to try to help him manage it, but he's a grown man whos never taken good care of it and does what he wants. So now that I had diabetes she was going to are sure I definitely didn't end up like that. This means that even if he himself brought all the kids a sweet treat, depending on my blood sugar I wouldn't even be allowed to have it. Most of the time she didn't want me to have it. This all went down with covid and I got to live with my diabetic father. The plus side was that the restrictions where pretty much gone, and I just needed to manage my sugar. The bad part is that I was fucking terrified of pricking my finger. It would take me hours to pick my finger, and my dad would be pissed. It slowly became very normal. I also had to learn how to take pills and open a pill bottle.
A while later now that I'm living with my whole family, I still have great care over my diabetes. I say great care as in how my family views it. I have the best a1c, I have the most consistent blood sugars. Personally I'm happy I can do that while having major depression but it makes me sad at the same time. It just pisses me off. Anytime my sugar is high I'm asked "what did you eat? What did you eat today? What was your sugar this morning?" I have an anxiety disorder. The doctors and google have told us that stress and anxiety can heighten blood sugar. Every time its about what I at. If im super sleepy? What did I eat? Whats my blood sugar? If im super anxious? Whats my blood sugar? Is it low? What have you eaten today?
My mom has always been focused on my diabetes. I low key hate it.
But in hindsight some of her ideas and things she let me do were so bad that its actually funny. Like holy shit mom, that was wild.
She at first wanted me to count all of my carbs. Every time I ate. All the carbs. She wanted me to check my sugar everytime I ate and then based on that it would determine what I was allowed to eat.
Then there was the point in time where she let me run around outside all day without eating lunch and sometimes even breakfast or any water until my sugar dropped crazy low and I was dizzy and shaking, and then id go outside again right after it went up. She doesn't like me reminding her of this because she says it makes her feel like a bad mother and that she was distracted. Im pretty sure the only constant meal was eating was dinner.
one time during Easter when we did an egg hunt my siblings got eggs fully of candy like normal. But my mom was running late on candy shopping so instead of giving me candy eggs, she made me get the special eggs she made, thinking they had zero sugar candy. They were fuckkng almonds. Unsalted Almonds. What. The. Fuck. I have never let her live that shit down, because who gives their kid fucking almonds as a treat??? Diabetic or not, unsalted almonds???
I was very very upset that year to say the least. My mom has always been stingy with any candy of any sorts. Even before we knew I was diabetic I was only really allowed 1-3 prices of candy from a holiday at most, and only after dinner. My Halloween candy especially would either go bad or she would eat it as well and I would not get much of it.
And after diabetes? Keto everything. My mom wanted to find as much keto stuff as possible, and I get it. We have a diabetic household, but she didn't do that shit until I got diagnosed with diabetes. I am happy that by now shes pretty much stopped all her restrictions and the keto stuff, she's still really diabetes focused when it comes to my mood and doesn't consider it a disability but that's okish.
Hilariously j don't have type 1 diabetes. Or type 2. I have a genetic mutation, and have had to convince multiple people that no I don't just have type 2, no I didn't not get diabetes because of my eating habits have you fucking seen me I am a god damm stick and even if I was fat that doesn't mean shit, no I cannot just eat fruit instead of candy that's not how diabetes works you peice of shit.
Long story short, i don't get a CGM or an Insulin pump. I actually make too much insulin, and dont really absorb it all and a CGM is to expensive... that means I just have to watch my sugar and take my pills indefinitely and I can't check my sugar too much because then I'd have to wait for my refills to get done because American health care fucking sucks ass.
lol diabetes sucks, stop being assholes to people with diabetes.
#diabetes#actually diabetic#chronic illness#Maybe there's some ablisim?#diabetic#diabetes management#diabetes care#how do i tag this#Its this a vent post? Not sure#idk what im doing#idk what to tag this as
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As someone who never got into the Yugioh Arc-V anime, seeing the whole âAction Duelâ gimmick play out is really funny to me. Because when you get past all the vague and convoluted justifications (ludicrously advanced hard-light holograms), rules (you can kinda dodge attacks, among other things) and mechanics (we parkour now) and look at what was clearly the underlying concept/goal of all this: The monsters are effectively real now and you can interact with/ride them and do wacky stuff with that,
And I think what youâre left with is what the SHADOW GAMES should have been. Or at least what they should have ultimately developed into.
I mean just ditch the super convoluted âsolid vision systemâ justification and just use fucking MAGIC. This is just the shit that HAPPENS when a player has a millennium item or an Egyptian God or is partnered with some other exceptionally powerful monster spirit(s).
And instead of trying to make up actual rules and mechanics for all this, just go with how OG Duel Monsters handled all the other Shadow Games:
When fucking MAGIC gets involved, the actual ârulesâ just start going out the fucking window.
Like that was exactly what MADE the Shadow Games so fun, creepy and interesting. The whole idea was that Duel Monsters was this modern âsafeâ recreation of this ancient, dangerous game played with dark magic.
So when that same dark magic gets invoked into one of these games, suddenly the normal ârulesâ just start not mattering so much. Suddenly youâre effectively in an old-school wizardâs duel and all kinds of weird and wacky shit can start happening.
And if that ends up being super one-sided because one player is doing wacky shit like jumping out of the way of attacks, using spells that arenât even in their hand because they know the original incantations to cast them or coordinate strategies with their now fully-sentient and tangible monsters to combo effects that normally donât work like that or just generally fuck with the opponent? All while said opponent has no fucking idea what is going on?
Well no shit, thatâs always what was SUPPOSED to happen whenever some hapless regular person got roped into a Shadow Game.
And of course itâs what makes it all the more FUN when both players can invoke the old magic and we get a real old-school wizardâs duel.
In conclusion, take the concept of Action Duels with all their off-the-wall âride your dragon into battleâ and âsucker punch your opponent with random direct attacksâ craziness, and combine it with the wacky âanything goes if I can justify itâ insanity from Duelist Kingdom, and boom, thereâs the TRUE Shadow Games XD
Also, in hindsight it is REALLY disappointing that Yugioh basically immediately pivoted away from magic/fantasy after the manga/DM and started using generic sci-fi justifications for everything.
#yugioh#yugioh rambling#yugioh duel monsters#yugioh arc v#shadow games#action duels#i mean can you IMAGINE if the dm-era shadow games worked like action duels?#shit would be EPIC XD#now i want to work this into that post-dm sequel idea i've had percolating for a while...
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(more programming / TBMC / RAMCOA talk; nothing too heavy, same as last post, we just put it under the cut for ourselves cause these topics don't benefit most parts to engage with and thus we kept it off our own notifications)
But honestly, lately with how far into recovery we are and how much on and off fusing with XIV has stabilized me a lot more and made me a lot more clear with who I am and all that shit, I've largely been thinking a lot on the shit I've been through and all the parts I've been, cause at this point, I'm really trying to reconnect with my scattered subsystem parts.
Less so "scattered" and more so long lost because - for those that don't know / havent followed - like nine months or so ago an old version of myself that went by Data just kind of imploded under a lot of stress, pressure, trauma, and self destructive loops that were set off by the way we were healing and what not.
It was honestly really fucked up and a really unfair cause we were genuinely trying really hard to be "a good part" but programming and shit kept had us between "literally dying and at complete overload" or "doing shit that hurts ourselves and the system" and so we'd always just end up doing shit that caused problem and honestly, we had done everything we could to remove ourselves in that form from the picture in a healthy and failed multiple times - and so it was honestly kinda super fucked that when trying to stop existing, we instead shattered into like 4 or 5 parts
But in the end of it, I was a part that existed as a complete - for lack of better words - "burn out" and very extreme "turned off" response to the programs that were being regularly triggered prior to self implosion and it was a huge mess at first, but it ended up with me becoming the host of that subsystem and really? As much hell as it was, the implosion and generation of another subsystem really I think disconnected a lot of the experiences we had as Data and managed to shut down a number of parts to actually let me develop beyond just a "burnt out" state.
And in hindsight? It really worked because while I'm still Data, still part of that heavily and completely fucked programmed original part, I was "generated" in a state of literally being unable to deal with anything and as a part to cope with that and with space, really became a more developed part who is centered around the ability to cope and deal with what we were programmed to do and to.... NOT do that.
And now that I'm a lot more stable and full of a part, I honestly can go back and collect and look back at our experiences of how things have happened and how each part felt and worked and put things back together. At this point I hold almost everything Data originally did. I can look back and replay things and understand things and understand where everything came from, but I'm *not* Data - I'm Chunn (everyone in the brain says I should start spelling it Cheng or at least claim that as my secret Chinese name because its pronounced the same but I like the Chunn spelling so they can fuck off /hj)
And in that sense, the thing Data wanted so bad - to not be here and to not be in the way and to have anything but chronic stress and trauma responses and to just not cause problems for everyone in a desperate attempt to feel safe again - while it's not at all in the way he wanted or imagined it to be, he - we - got it. I don't resemble him much at all anymore, and that's sad in it's own way, but at the same time, is that not the very wish itself? To be ourselves but in a form we created and not in the form someone else created us for?
Anyways, these days it's kind of funny cause I basically serve a roll for the system that is the OPPOSITE of what we were programmed to do and while other parts are not as "impacted" as I was, I do end up sitting here and looking at the "less impacted" parts and go "Okay well that came from this shit I did and you don't notice it but that behavior of yours is intended to synergize (negatively) with what I was programmed to do so I'm going to tell you that I don't want to participate in that"
Cause as much as we were the overtly programmed part, I'm really realizing that it neither started nor ended with me and it really is oddly nice to be able to look at that and help in detangling this garbage.
And not to go into the details for safety reasons, but recently our therapist asked a question to Riku / Fei as to why we were doing XYZ and not another thing that would be more in character for them - and at the time they came up with some round about reason and explanation to which I had to ask, when they were thinking about it the next day, ".... is it not just because [feeling and condition that I know was an active major trigger]? Because you know you can state that and that is a perfectly valid and healthy thing to say. You are allowed to think that." and the genuine level of which they seemed to very hesitantly state it to themselves as if they were afraid to Set Something Off - it just really clicked something with me.
Cause that would have been me. That would have been me that would have been set off. That would have been me that would have changed that thought into a borderline / active crisis and/or mess that would be far more stress than just compliance to the programming. And in this moment, not only was I NOT being Set Off by it, but I was encouraging them to try it again despite many many many years of reinforced "if you do that you will regret it"
And it's really kind of nice to see. I can't think as original Data would, I barely can comprehend just how stuck that version of me was - they were so deeply intertwined in the programming its unfathomable even though it was me and I have the memories of it. Thus, I can't say "Data would be happy and proud to see where we've come", but I would like to think - even in the hell they were in - that theyd be comforted to know where we ended up.
But I digress. I felt like sharing this most of today cause man have we come far.
#alter: chunn#programming tw#programming#ramcoa tw#ramcoa#tbmc tw#tbmc#chill to reply if you like#im mostly rambling#recovery#healing
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