#shit players say

[deanturtle]

My players decided to use their one use of true resurrection to bring back Argynvost. It’s not quite within the usage of the spell but I am 100% on board for some chaotic nonsense. So he will come back weakened, and only for a limited time. But I am looking forward to our final battle.

[blood-orange-juice]

- wow, you are so much better than my last group - healer in my last group was drunk and passed out on last boss

[elliottkay]

DM, to (my) Wizard: The professor is so grateful, he will teach you three divination spells.

Me: Cool! Can I buy the spell components here at the university? I need a pearl worth 100gp to cast Identify.

DM: Sure. They’ve got that stuff here.

Thri-Kreen Archaeologist: Hey, can he use my student discount?

DM (narrows eyes): If your student discount applies, that means the pearl is worth less than 100gp.

[parasite-core]

“You are chaperoned while you go whoring”

~Things I didn’t expect to hear in the first session of our Rise of the Runelords game

[flame-of-brigid]

Rogue, to DM, about yet something else immune to poison: You hate my poison dagger.

Me: You've stabbed the water elemental and your poison is now homeopathy.

[yourplayersaidwhat]

"I am addressing God."

-A newbie who doesn't know how to use the word "OOC" when talking to our DM

[tabletopbrainrot]

My poor DM deserves less feral players, or at least a gift basket

I am not sorry, he did not deny anything he just deflected

this is probably an image for ants I apologize I am grandpa* and bad at computers. This post more than any post I have ever made requires context so if anyone asks I can try to get the cork board and string out.

Update: you are too late DM we are shipping them the council of degenerates has spoken

[shitgw2playerssay]

As is tradition...

We're giving away some gems in celebration of Guild Wars 2's anniversary and the new expansion!

Stuff up for grabs:

Two 2000 Gem Codes (two winners)

200 Gold (one winner)

How to Enter:

One reblog, and one heart on this post will each count as an entry. Only one reblog will count per account.

We’ll stop taking entries at server reset on Friday, August 23rd. A random number generator will be used to choose winners.

Rules:

You must be following shitgw2playerssay. Yes, we will check. If you're reblogging to a side blog but following from your main, put your main Tumblr in the tags so we can find you.

Be sure to have your Inbox turned on so we can mail/message you. We’ll message you if you win.

You will have THREE DAYS from the time that we message you to respond, or we will reroll and give your prize to someone else. If we can’t message you on Tumblr, we’ll reroll.

You must feel comfortable with giving us your in-game name if you win the gold.

No giveaway blogs.

Good luck, everyone! There should be some anniversary sales coming up soon!

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

Me: I’ll be the DM, which is short for Dungeon Master. I’ll be running the physics, the weather, other characters you might run into, that kind of thing.

Player 1: Question.

Me: Yes?

Player 1: Can I refer to you as CEO instead?

Me: …yes, you absolutely can.

[elliottkay]

Dungeon Master: In the dead slaver’s pocket, you find a sweet, romantic sketch of a woman you don’t know.

Our Sweet Gentle Cleric: Well, if he didn’t want to leave a widow behind, he shouldn’t have been an asshole.

[deanturtle]

Shit my players say;

Facing an aboleth who has made their home in the sewers below the city and is using a human as its mouthpiece.

“It’s squishy like a octopus”

“Does it have a name? Can we name it?”

“Oooh Aberforth the Aboleth”

“…..My name is Styr I am older than your entire species, my name is not Aberforth and I am sensitive about my weight!”

Then we had to decide if emotional damage broke the rules regarding reasonable conduct and guest rite.

[parasite-core]

Quote from tonight’s Rise of the Runelords session (not in character):

“Aroden isn't a dead god. It's a dead name. Iomedae IS Aroden!”

[deanturtle]

Player1; “What was this campaign called again”

Me; “Secrets of Essembra”

Player 2; “That explains all the secrets”

Player 1; “I knew that, and I’ve written down the title to the last campaign.”

This was after a murder mystery session in the city of Essembra.

[yourplayersaidwhat]

This was my very first action my very first time playing dnd

Player: I'd like to look around the room, see what I can notice.

DM: Roll for investigation, please.

Player: ...Total of 0.

DM: You notice that the room has a floor.

[yourplayersaidwhat]

"Best I can do is worms"

- our warlock, about to cast Infestation

[yourplayersaidwhat]

“JESUS CHRIST IS NOT CANON IN OUR WORLD. I REPEAT: JESUS CHRIST IS NOT CANON”

- the dm after saying “jesus christ” as an npc and realizing their mistake