#shit my wife says
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Tongues know too much
They know more than fingers do
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me: you scared the bejesus out of me! wifey: well you shouldn't have had a bejesus in you anyway, so you're welcome.
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Me: [Woman on TV] has some spectacular-ass hair. @apocalycious: How do you know about her ass hair? Me: Secret lesbian knowledge. Evie: Yeah, that makes sense.
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@dreamyintersexpuppy says: "Do you -wait can you look up Applejacks age? 25? ok, so, do you think Applejack applejacks it?"
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My fiancée and I were trying to figure out what I could do as an adult hobby.
Her: “What did you enjoy as a kid?”
Me: “Barbies…Hot Wheels.”
Her: ….
Me: “What?”
My adult hobbies:
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10:14am, my wife and i are watching a Dead by Daylight video:
Duck: Wait so....
Duck: this is basically among us....
Me: *stares in "bitch are you fucking kidding me"*
Me: *realization hits*
D: I mean... they have tasks!
Me: *reaches for phone*
D: NO NO NO DONT WRITE THAT DOWN
#shit my wife says#my post#im gonna start posting more wife quotes#shes constantly yelling at me to not write shit down >:)#but i stay silly#dead by daylight#among us
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Jais: I'm trying to convince myself my writing doesn't suck.
Me: your writing *doesn't* suck
Jais: I believe you because you've read a whole five books.
Me: *cracks up*
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she's not wrong
✨💥HACK THE PLANET🌐🗯️❕
🥣👾💾📟🛼🥪🍟🍕🖱️
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me: They're like a genetic offshoot of humans, so like cousins to humans.
my wife: Oh yeah, so it's like, uhh.... British people?
(We were talking about the Jaffa in Stargate. The word they were looking for was "Neanderthals.")
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rocky shop of picture (ed.: pitcher, haha) plants
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Columbo and the Knight (1984)
put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.
Autism W!
#columbo#knight rider#art#michael knight#kitt#comic#highlight reel#crossover#telebeast#there are two small easter eggs here. can you find them. they were somehow not Entirely lost when i resized these for the public#this is what i mean when i say I Draw And It's Everyone Else's Problem. look at my INCREDIBLY niche crossover comic boy#if the knight rider fandom has like 12 people in it. how many of y'all have seen columbo#this comic is for like 4 people and me and phoenix are already two of them#niche is my specialty lets be real. weird niche obscure shit and ships nobody's paid attention to yet#not to suggest this is ship art. columbo has his wife and michael has his car lmfao#stylizing real people is EXTREMELY hard btw sorry for when they get off model. its partly a 'better imperfect than never finished' situatio#cant tell you how much i redrew some of these panels. weeps#this took me 2 weeks but i think i thumbnailed it all in may and the ideas been rollin around in my head since march#is anybody good at editing. please edit michael and columbo into an image together like its a screenshot. NOT generated. edited.#it would be so cool#ive drawn columbo a lot but i haven't drawn a lot of michaels. i was learning things about his outfit AS I WAS DOING THE DAMN#COLORS ON THIS. all the lines done. it was too late to change anything. i did all the lines and colored page by page#i realized my mistakes on like page 3. 1 and 2 were already done. it was Too Late.#imagine it though. them working a case together. switching between the more serious tone of columbo vs the goofier#action antics of michael and kitt. columbo being so impressed by Modern Technology. there's more i could say but phoenix may write#more of this crossover and i don't want to spoil it :'3#there's opportunity here though i swear. there's gold to be dug.#i like how kitt gets shading but columbo's junker peugeot doesn't. kitt looked wrong without any. columbo's car is matte and dirty#i also applied effects to this to make it look a little film-grainy and VHS like. some CRT TV vibes#the only question left is. did they put knight rider into columbo; or columbo into knight rider 🤔
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playing card games with new friends
wifey: *wins first round handily* wifey: *looks around while second round is being dealt* i'll let someone else win this round. friends: *immediately rise to the shit-talking challenge* me: BABE, WE HAVE TO SLEEP HERE TONIGHT.
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@apocalycious: Having a flying animal like that would be a significant Appa-tunity...
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callin sex praxis with how im putting theory (my dick) into practice (your pussy)
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My fiancée and I started officially started dating five years ago so I sent her lyrics to the Bo Burnham song “Five Years” and it completely slipped her mind.
#she got it once I told her to sing the song in her head#god I can’t wait to marry this woman!#shit my wife says#bo burnham#bo burnham inside#inside outtakes
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Duck: You know sometimes i look at you...
Duck: You know how caterpillars like... Munch on leaves?
Me: .... Mhm??
Duck: You look like you do that.
(Several minutes later, in the midst of a tickle fight:)
Duck: *pauses* we pay taxes.
Me: *SCREAM*
#shit my wife says#my post#i just read this back to her half a year after i first wrote it down and she stands by her initial diagnosis#guess im a different kind of bug now lol#call me squiglesquiglebitchboi
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