#shit I write

[4secret3rdthing]

Personally, I think there’s something profoundly funny of the idea that Din “i provide for my covert, i get my bounty and I get out” Djarin, coming to love and eventually marry Luke “the republic’s favourite golden boy” Skywalker.

The whole part of Din’s personality where he avoids being the main character but somehow gets stuck being it while also loving Luke despite his fame just adds so much to the ship and is simply, hilarious.

Aside from the funny part tho, I think it’s really sweet that Din loves Luke, not for his fame and reputation, but for his character. Which, I feel like for people that are well known, it can be kinda difficult to find people that love them for them.

[supermightyglue]

please do some headcanons for knox and the crew member oc from your recent post!

sorry its so late xx

it’s .. complex because

on one hand, johnny knoxville is a giant asshole and does everything he can to mean flirt with her the way kids do where he’s just messing with her

on the other hand, he’s a sweetheart and likes her smile so he wants to do things to see it

its a healthy mix ! theyre also hella close to begin with because theyre half of dickhouse

he knows her family and her friends and obv everyone sees it (how much they like each other) but he

or maybe she does see it but loves her life the way it is and doesnt wanna ruin a friendship

so its kind of knox making moves and her being a brick wall but who doesnt like a challenge?

he’s probably drunkenly confessed his love to her on multiple occasions

speaking of drunk! whenever she gets drunk, he makes sure he’s (mostly) sober

he’s hovery! all the time tbh, he tends to hover around her, trying to get her attention, trying to get her to watch the stupid shit he does

it’s a victory whenever she cracks a smile

i imagine a big ol height difference between them

i also imagine them unintentionally matching their converse or dickies or shit like that

he’s a total gentleman, pays for her, offers his jacket, holds the door.. shit that makes EVERYONE roll their eyes LOL

jeff and spike are sick of them, especially jeff

“i’ll pay you to take him on a date and shut him up”

“shut up, tremaine”

[captain-grammar]

While we wait and wait and wait for The Old Guard 2 to finally be released from the hostage situation that is Netflix's ongoing 'production issues', I thought I'd share a list of the TOG fics I've written than I'm the most happy with and proud of.

We Will Remember [4k, pre-canon, outsider POV]

"They're the best I've ever seen." That's what the soldier tells Jacob as he marches him through the mud and fog and stench of the smouldering, liberated town in the middle of God Knows Where. "Four of the toughest soldiers you'll ever meet." "Four?" Jacob is incredulous, barely keeping pace through the gear on his back. "There's only four of them?" The soldier scoffs, stopping outside one of the most beat-up, dirt encrusted Crusaders the world has ever seen, sitting conspicuously in the centre of the battered town square. He hammers a fist onto the impenetrable shell, the thump of his hand reverberating dully, like knocking on the doors of an ancient castle. "Trust me," he says with a smirk. "They only need four."

2. Stronger Anchors [2k, pre-canon, AndyxBooker]

“Quynh?” [Andromache] asked simply after a beat. Sébastien gave a curt, derisive laugh. “Who else?” Andromache felt a small smile break over her. If Sébastien was answering back quite so drily he, must be alright. “Well, you are not alone in that tonight,” she replied dulcetly. Sébastien watched Andromache carefully, the aura of grief more visible to him tonight than it had been for a long time. “Are you alright?” His tone was gently enquiring and his penetrating stare somehow demanded honesty. Andromache sighed a long, hushed exhale as she wondered how much to tell him. “Nights like these… I get to thinking. About Quynh.” Andromache’s murmur was reluctant and she found herself unable to meet his studious gaze. “Perhaps it does not do well to think too much.”

3. I Won't Let You Sink [800, pre-canon, BookerxNicky]

[Sebastien] can’t bear the way Nicolò is looking at him, gaze full of concern and heartbreak. Feeling pitiable and pathetic, not wanting to discuss it, he lies back down, rolling away to face the crumbling plaster on the wall, screwing his eyes shut, willing every hateful feeling within him to leave him be. Nicolò doesn’t see him as pitiable in the least. After all that Sebastien has lost, after over 100 years of nightmares that come and go with no warning or trigger, the only thing he wants is to comfort him. To let him know that he’s not alone and he’s certainly not drowning in anything but his own grief and that he, Yusuf and Andromache can help him if he’ll let them. He’s verbalised it many times; words that have clearly fallen on deaf ears. Actions speak infinitely louder.

4. Codeword Blue [2k, post-canon, JoexNickyxBooker, NSFW]

In a quiet moment somewhere in Norway, [Nile] noticed the hand Nicky laid on the small of Booker’s back as they passed each other in the kitchen. Weeks later in Germany, the celebratory hug between Booker and Joe when A. S Roma were soundly beaten by Shakhtar Donetsk that lingered a little too long. “What was that?” Nile had asked, turning wide eyed and opened mouthed to Andy, sat beside her at the kitchen table, drinking the tea Quynh had made them both. “About 200 years in the making,” Andy replied, cryptic as ever, grinning over the rim of her mug, her face the picture of joy as she observed Booker and Joe, smiling as the two men seemed to remember they weren’t alone and quickly found their seats again. If there was any dance that had pre-dated the current situation, Andy had seen it all and wasn’t surprised. Quynh, knowing Joe and Nicky as she did, had her theories as to why their ire towards Booker was as visceral and venomous as it was. It seemed there was something much more potent than anger between the three of them...

5. Bloom [12k, pre-canon, JoexBooker, NSFW]

Joe leaned a little closer into Sébastien's body and laid his damp palm delicately on his side, a leaping nervousness swooping through him as he did. There was no scar, no mark to mar the soft, tanned skin beneath his fingers. Nothing to cause concern or to indicate that his immortality was waning. Any of the initial anger Joe had felt was now nothing more than a fleeting memory but something deeper clung to his thoughts like a bad dream that hangs to the edges of the mind upon waking. What if…? What if it hadn’t healed? What if the bleeding hadn’t stopped? What if they lost him?  I don’t want to lose him, Joe thought, watching his thumb as it traced light circles over Sébastien's flesh, barely aware that it was his own hand. I’m not ready for his death. I don’t want him to leave me. He wasn’t angry at Sébastien at all. He was scared for him.

[unicornsandgenocide]

uh i wrote a poem idk

hope you like it?

it kinda sucks…

[hotteststar]

hi guys so that's a poem i wrote bout ummmm feelings ig???? i feel like I haven't explained well the um feelings?? so like pls help me idk how to say things idk how to talk idk how to write i just don't know man

FLOWERS

I'm dead.

i'm dead and i'm here,

i'm walking, i'm breathing, i'm looking,

i'm touching, i'm loving and i'm hating.

i'm waiting, i'm fearing and i'm crying.

And i'm dead.

Because i'm just like those flowers

the ones all around me right now

they're all pretty, all cute, all fine.

But it's not the kind of pretty flowers

that you decide to look growing

waiting and observing them until their death.

They are the kind of flowers that you pick

you kill them, hold them in your hands

watch as they slowly pass away.

And you smile,

because they still look pretty

still look cute, still look fine.

So here we are, I'm already dead

i just haven't lose my colors yet

like those flowers when you pick them.

They look alive but it's just fake

they seem fine but that's not true

they keep faking to be okay.

They don't show you their pain

they just silently accept that

they're already dead.

There's nothing they can do

and they must wait until they lose

all the life that dwell inside of them

to see people accpeting that

they are actually dead.

R.A.B.

[miss-celestia13]

Diabolical Desire

Aylin doesn’t play the victim—she’s the predator, leaving a bloody trail in her wake. Hunting her next kill online, she matches with Cole, a dangerously seductive man with his own insidious secret. Together, they deliver brutal justice and outrun the law, fueled by a savage, scorching shared desire.

For two people who see love as nothing more than a weakness, there are only two possible endings: wedding bells or a coffin. Either way, Aylin’s hooked on the dark pleasure Cole gives her—and she’ll do whatever it takes to keep it.

Published on Inkitt, Ao3, and Wattpad 🥰 a snippet can be found below the cut.

Diabolical Desire https://www.inkitt.com/stories/erotica/1349014

I’ve been writing this to help get myself out of the perfectionist, over-editing hell I put myself in with my fanfics this year. I made myself miserable, and this absurdly silly smutty story has been helping loads. It’s just unhinged and so much fun to write. I am hopeful I can return to my fics soon, without falling back into the trap I’d set for myself, but until then, I’ll be here 🥰❤️

That dense forest, eerie and silent, cloaked her as she sauntered under its organic canopy. Part of her wanted to call out for the big bad wolf to come out and play as she dodged smacking branches, and the freshly rained on soil filled her nose with its scent. These hidden gem towns where everyone knew everyone else were her bread and butter. Cities offered anonymity.

She used them when necessary. But the people she went after, the bad and the pure wicked, they thrived in these towns and she did her best work in them. She liked this one now that she was on her way to meet Cole and would think fondly of her time here. She hummed as she walked, content to wander the never-ending woods for now.

Silver ribbons of moonlight streamed through the foliage and fluttered across the dirt path strewn with amber and scarlet leaves ahead of her. The temperature dropped and dropped as she brushed against boughs and skirted around a thick patch of stinging nettles. The wind picked up to toss her hair around.

Fall’s oncoming sigh lifted the fine, pale hair on her nape and legs as she’d forgone tights, and only wore skimpy lace underwear beneath her skirt. She already knew how this night would end and wanted nothing to impede it.

Her filthy thoughts accompanied her as she followed the slowly rising sound of rushing water. It began as a rumbling hiss in the distance, as though some invisible basilisk slithered through the dark brown tree trunks splattered with weaving, moon thrown shadows. Soon, it was a thundering crash of splashing water as she broke through a towering group of bristling pine trees and the waterfall came into view.

Crystalline water poured from a gaping rock maw and into a deep shimmering pool she would have swum in as a child before people who should’ve been better had ripped from her hands her innocence.

Now, she only imagined drowning those people in it. She was alone here. She sensed no one else and knew he wouldn’t show himself until he was ready. Waiting it was then.

Aylin sank back amongst the pines, took her phone from her pocket and sent Cole a message. She played her part well. She was positive he had no clue that she’d figured him out. He wouldn’t see it coming.

Lilith: Ready when you are. I want what you promised me.

She grinned, broad and relaxed as Cole’s chat bubble instantly appeared and she drank in his words like a nicotine addict sucking their brown stained fingernails for a weak fix when the tobacco ran out.

Cole: You’ll get whatever I give you.

Lilith: What should I do while I wait?

A minute passed. Anticipation and irritation built inside her and she was gritting her teeth by the time he responded.

Cole: Nothing. Do as you’re told and wait. You’re pissing me off.

She smothered a pleased smile. A flash of heat in her chest that trickled down, down, down to settle in her core banished the night’s creeping cold. Aylin couldn’t resist needling him, knew it would make the pain burn all the sweeter once he fucked her.

Lilith: Are you even worth waiting for?

[unknownoro]

Don’t be afraid of posting yourself, you are so valuable just the way you are

[maihonhassan]

Ask a brown girl about her past relationship and she will say;

“Pagal thi main”

[milkcryptid]

do people have no shame anymore?

[vulpinesaint]

quiz enjoyers! i am now inviting you to come create something in my workshop❕

[4secret3rdthing]

In my mind, Ellie starts having a bit of a southern twang to her accent and says southern expressions as a result of hanging around Joel (and later Tommy) all the time.

Also, Ellie knows how to curse in Spanish like the best of them, and has the very specific regional accent that Joel and Tommy got from their mother. (On top of other words she’s learned over the years that Joel and Tommy have taught her.)

Would you look at that, three headcanons for the price of one!

[gunpowdercarousel]

I don't need therapy I need rabid gay people freaking out in my inbox

[captain-grammar]

I trace my finger lightly across his skin, drawing constellations using the freckles on his arms as anchor points; dark stars on a pale canvas that’s just as beautiful as anything in the heavens.

[stealingpotatoes]

the illness post is still getting notes (???!! <3) and that means people are still telling me to get better soon, which is really nice but im gonna be too powerful if i get any better

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[orangejuice333]

I thought it was some external entity

I thought it would be my mother's rage

And I just came to realize that it was me, I am her, the one who would never let anyone touch me again, the one who would never allow anyone to love me.