#shes regretting all her life choices

[tantamounttoflirtation]

Bedelia and Hannibal did have sex while they were in Florence, but only once. And thats because Hannibal said Will's name during it and then immediately started crying afterwards so Bedelia was NOT eager for a repeat experience

[utilitycaster]

I think the two most obvious foils for Ludinus Da'leth across all of Critical Role are Essek and Keyleth, which is both fascinating given how different those two characters are from each other (Essek being a foil in terms of isolation, single-mindedness, harm in the name of ambition, knowledge, and other such wizard themes; Keyleth being a foil in terms of people who have lost something at a young age to the gods and bear resentment for it, political leadership, belief that the world belongs to mortalkind, and longevity) but also it's extremely funny that they both are the partners of Liam's character.

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[blasphemousclaw]

Do you think Marika regrets it? The fact that her choices messed up all of the ones she loved?

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

[darlingofdots]

do you think Keynes ever lies awake at night thinking about how he was worried Iskierka might hatch "a timid beast"

[femmefitz]

There were a few parts of the Tawny Man trilogy that felt like Robin Hobb was trying to gaslight me about how much sense it made for Fitz to stay the hell away from the Farseers for some time.

Like respectfully ma'am I don't think Nighteyes would tell her she was failing her family by refusing to be in service to them. Nighteyes is flawed as any other character but I think as someone who shared a mind with Fitz he simply Would Not Say That.

[lambjock]

hmm seeing some people say that a max who saves arcadia bay wouldn’t try and use her powers again for a similar reason … but i actually think she would! she is nothing but angry and resentful of her choice to sacrifice chloe over arcadia bay — writes in her journal that she loathes chloe for being so sacrificial, that it wasn’t worth it, etc. i think there’s something deeply reasonable about max making the mature choice, the one that hurt her the most, and secretly thinking she made the wrong call. thinks, if i could do it again, i’d rip that photo, i’d never let chloe leave … so when safi dies, she almost views it as a fix-it. she regresses! i think a max that kills chloe is someone who could never make that choice again, and it shows in double exposure. when she relives the bathroom scene, ten years later, she does what she did that first time : she reaches out with her right hand to save chloe, safi, whatever, and repeats herself like she’s still eighteen and about to come into her power. i could talk about this in length, but i genuinely think max not ‘learning her lesson’ is more about her trauma and regret rather than her not maturing. she is known to go back on her choices anyway, it is well within her nature … and when people are triggered, they aren’t exactly in the mindset to make rational choices anyway.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

aru sekai shoushitsu is an 11 minute song i listened to on accident because i was too tired to look at the length & was just solely like man thats such a cool title for a vocaloid song i hope it lives up to it and it 100% did. i didnt have any idea there was a story behind it it just thought it was such a cool sounding song & i remember clearly playing animal crossing past 4am with it on loop. completely forgot the producers name & didnt recognize them when they posted kyuuyaku hankagai so it took me like 3 days to actually listen to it & the SECOND i heard the nami no ne no motif i lost my mind. that was it for me ive been so deep into it since then i dont think theres a way to pull me out. at the start everything had such weird phrasing it was so hard to sort out what was stylistic and what was direct story telling & even now its sometimes difficult, but the fact with every new song we get a new version of the story and new info & everything ties together to consistently for a project made by one person over the course of several years with this level of detail.

going from knowing its a story about trying and failing to prevent the world's destruction to finding out not only are they doomed to repeat it, the only way out is to completely give up on their own self and accept total death. putting together the timeline from little hints some of which u have to sort through which is fact and which is a character's own narration distorted by either their emotions or intentionally. the fact the story telling is not entirely direct, the lyrics are only one facet of it, it goes as far as using the genre of the song to express things, theres just so much. ive been into my fair share of vocaloid song projects but this is the most precise and delicately handled one i've encountered. there is so much care and attention put into every single one of those songs it would just be insulting to not take it seriously. there was a moment i was worried it was going to turn into the same song but different when we got maximizer and then kanon and i'm so so glad that isn't the case because the way theyre handling it now really shows how important it is to them. this is a person who posts some of the most ridiculous memes ive seen & has some now popular meme songs and even with that attention they've said they're continuing to take the series seriously and that alone says so so much about the weight of this project to them.

i'll be honest with you i dont think there's a good end to this story. with the info we have now, with how aru sekai shoushitsu, the story outline song, goes i cannot see a happy ending for any of these characters. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out we're only being shown one instance of that certain world & it ends in a way that implies despite all their efforts it's just going to happen all the same all over again, just with certain people lost forever and others willing to try more underhanded tactics to try their ideas that ultimately wont work anyway. i don't think there will be a real resolution to any of the problems. but even then there are so many currently unrevealed secrets & the overall commentary the work is making in the first place that sticking around for whatever ending we're given will be well worth the wait

[staringrole]

i don't think you all understand how much carmen loves bobby

[hazellvsq]

was thinking about my yellowjackets au again for the first time in a while. piper's plotline would adhere most closely to shauna's because she's the only one who could truly access that level of derangement. annabeth's is mostly taissa's but also a little bit of nat. hazel's is van's - obviously not personality-wise but her role in the narrative. which led me to deranged van gifsets which made me realize how much i WISH hazel had been allowed to express anything like the gifset below. growth for her is being proud of her own decision! she should stand by her own resurrection someday! why else did she come back?

[vile-wizard]

I need to clean my room now. It is dire.

[paldogangsaan]

that is NOT hiyori. i don’t care what adachitoka says

[inseparableduo]

…

[twpsyn-who]

Ok but the idea of Steve and Chrissy dating since season 1 is so agdudbd. Like, what if Patrick dies during that party (you know, instead of Barb) and is literally the same drama all over again, because Patrick was a very close friend of hers.

And in that context there's no damn need to let Nancy in the known, right? Is not! But she stills helps Jonathan after Steve breaks his camera and she somehow gets involved because yk journalist instincts and all that. AND JASON gets involved too, because Patrick was his best friend bitch and he heard around that Jonathan have shit about that on his camera and wants to learn the truth and somehow these three become a trio and investigate idk I haven't watched Stranger Things the idea is that a lot of people somehow get involved only because Steve is dating another girl in season 1. (And thank God Jason went straight to Jonathan before he started a manhunt on Harrington for killing his bestie agehjdjs)

Anyway, I want to believe half of the basketball team finds out about the Upside Down by the time season 4 comes; Lucas being on the team doesn't help AT ALL, he and Jason are shit at keeping a secret Andy called bullshit on them so many times.

And yk we can either have Robin who still told Steve she's a lesbian and they are besties now OR HAVE ROBIN GOING TO EDDIE TO BUY DRUGS AND GETS KILLED BY VECNA- actually no fuck off she still gets involved in season 3 and is Steve's bestie but yk putting the idea out there.

Is there going to be nearly no damn plot in season 4 because 1) Jason knows about the Upside Down, 2) Eddie doesn't get involved because Chrissy does have a good boyfriend and doesn't feel like drugs is the only way and 3) There's a big ass group ready to kick Vecna's ass? Yeah man, probably, but Chrissy is alive and Eddie's alive and everybody is alive!

Except Barb cuz someone needs to die in Patrick's place we can't save everyone now sorry no sorry.

[swordmaid]

i like thinking about shri’iia’s life pre receiving her oath/turning into a paladin where she was yet another swindler in menzoberranzan. sometimes I think about changing her background to urchin just because her childhood was particularly rough - since she was raised in poverty she had to literally build herself from the ground up and she didn’t care what she had to do, her only focus was getting herself out of the slums - but then the liar and cheater aspect of charlatans is such a core part of her character that i can not! before I used to have this hc that shri’iia had this particular network of people she used to work with - since she doesn’t bear any allegiance to any houses, she becomes the sort of middle man for people looking to ruin someone else since the trail won’t lead back to them - but I think she’s not capable of running such an intricate network lmfao like there’s a reason why she’s a very good attack dog and not the person pointing where to bite, but I think I like the idea of her being something similar where she will cheat and swindle people if she’s paid to do so, and I also like the idea of her hanging around the upper city and learning how the middle class/nobles talk and studying their mannerisms so she can blend in their ranks, pretend to be one of them. it’s to cheat and steal from them ofc but I also think it’s a wish fulfilment in her part bc that’s who she wanted to be you know, they’re the kind of drows lolth expects her children to be, and shri’iia is def manifesting that for herself. she believes she’s destined for better! bc lolth says that drows are above all! so she can’t be living in braeryn where the slaves and the non drows are….that’s not Right.

hence why, when she got that offer to join a noble house in exchange for her allegiance (autonomy) she didn’t think twice just accepted bc it’s exactly what she wanted.