#she's trans how hard is that for some people to just accept

[kinorabee]

made this because some of y'all suck

[wet-from-water-water-from-wet]

as true as it is, there's more to the appeal of human domestication guide than "the fantasy for trans girls is to be loved unconditionally," it's that the affini can prove it. I'm certain there are people in my life who do love me unconditionally, but even then on some level it's hard to believe fully. it's impossible to prove a negative, "this person would love me no matter what" isn't something I could ever be comfortable testing anyway. "what if it isn't true?" a big part of being trans is having to justify your very existence even to well meaning people, and what happens when your justification falters?

and I think a big appeal to the affini that seems to be lost on a lot of people is how these stories tend to be from the perspective of "the person who is just about as against this as someone possibly could be." consider HDG proper, Elvira is against capture on a moral level for obvious reasons like "kidnapping is wrong" and "I deserve freedom," but she's also personally racist towards the concept of aliens. all of this forces the affini into a position where they can't just show "enough" kindness, to move from that position to one of love and trust, the affini are forced to show so much love and kindness that they prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they really do care. they understand that behind every vicious word and lack of faith from their floret-to-be is a subtle hope that the world the affini promise is the real one. such a hope deserves nurturing at any cost; they deserve to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is really true. by assuming the worst case scenario, the affini prove the negative.

that's the real trans girl fantasy at play here; to be at your worst and for someone to love you anyway, to not have to feel like you're hiding some layer of your identity deep down that would ruin everything if it came out. your mistress saw the very core of your being and yet here you are, still wrapped in her loving embrace. you bared your teeth and gnashed at every helping hand along the way, and yet she still says she loves you. she still shows you love and affection beyond what you could have ever imagined. why?

and then at some point you just have to accept that it's true.

[magemars]

Will never not be upset when people hate on and are rude about the genderfluid/transfem/feminine Sirius headcanons.

I genuinely don't understand why people get so peeved off about it,"it's just to make Wolfstar straight", no it's not, it's for representation, it's because people see themselves in Sirius, it's because the person who created him is a raging terf, or maybe it's just because that's how some people imagine him in their heads, and there is nothing wrong with that. (The only situation i can accept this complaint in is when it's cis woman Sirius x cis man Remus, but otherwise who cares?? Making characters trans doesn't hurt anyone.) Making Sirius genderfluid/transfem/feminine also doesn't take away their queerness and the queerness of their relationship, Sirius is still queer, Remus is still queer, it's not a straight relationship. It's also not something worth sending people death threaths over, I too see headcanons that I don't like, but I just scroll, or I hit not interested and maybe block if it's something like that (that' literally their purpose, interacting with a post you don't like will just get more posts like that on your dash), it's literally not that hard to not be a fucking asshole, it's basic fandom etiquette.

Also this is just my opinion, but I think the gender non-conforming Sirius headcanon makes so much sense for who he is as a character.

(My Sirius has been genderfluid (he/she/they) for literal years, I'm not going to change my opinion just because someone sends a hateful comment. I also really love t4t Wolfstar, I love headcanoning Remus as genderqueer/transmasc, I kick my feet everytime i think about them.)

(Also this post's purpose isn't to send hate to people who headcanon Sirius as a cis man, if that's how you see him, that's completely valid.)

[raqi-marr]

About Affinification

I normally don't bother getting into quote-unquote "HDG Discourse", but I was recently falsely accused of doing so on anon on Ao3 (which was funny as fuck) so I figured why not take the opportunity to *actually* discoursepost, since this is a subject I have some pretty strong feelings on

My stance on affinification is it should be allowed & not discouraged. Right now it is allowed but heavily discouraged, and I think this is both unnecessary and unkind- particularly to members of the community who have affini headmates. I've seen some arguments about affinification being bad because it undermines the disability narrative at the heart of HDG, but, imo this is only true if you take a very limited view of the capacity in disabled people VS abled people.

Disabilities come in all shapes and size, ranging from things like being unable to walk and needing a wheelchair, to having autism in a world that isn't suited for autistic people (google 'social model of disability' if this doesn't make sense.) However, "disabled person" =/= "person who can't do anything at all", it just means "person who can not do/struggles to do some things."

I get that the general take here is "the affini are The System and disabled people are never part of The System", but disabled people are actually - very fucking occasionally - able to become part of the system.

The US has a non-zero amount of trans representatives and presumably at least some of those are disabled; likewise, I have no doubt there are disabled non-trans representatives that I'm not aware of.

I think, basically, affinification is fine if your character has to work for it in a story. It is true that yes, you cannot overcome physical disabilities irl- but it may well be possible in some cases to still do a job you wanted to do, or get a position you wanted to, with enough hard work anyway. I do recognise this is not always possible, but to be clear I'm approaching this from a mental disability perspective anyway because that's what HDG means to me personally, and things are a bit different there

To be clear, I fully acknowledge trans people/disabled people/other minorities should not need to work to get this kind of recognition. They do, though; that's how life currently is, and it's fine for people to want to explore that in HDG stories. It Takes Time is on some level about my self-insert wanting to fight to be accepted and seen as an equal by a bunch of people who are more able bodied than her, even if she isn't capabilistically their equal (or it will be when I get to that arc in 50 million years lmao).

The reason it's about that is that, as an autistic person who has spent their entire life being thought of as stupid, inept, and incapable by the people around me, but is not actually, my life has been all about fighting to get people to stop viewing me that way. This is also why ITT isn't an actual affinification story; I don't need my self-insert to physically become an affini to feel validated, I just want to be treated as equal to them in the ways that I care about (which is not in the ability to micromanage 50 vines at once.)

so yeah there's my 5 credits on affinification: basically I think you can write it without undermining the disability narrative if you do it properly. also I am not at all trying to say "disabled people should just work harder to get what they want" no one should have to work if they don't want to: I just so happen to be the type that naturally enjoys having responsibilities and being in charge of stuff and I would actually be okay being in the social role that the affini have within the compact (which I realise separates me from like 99% of hdg's reader demographic already lmao)

I am merely trying to acknowledge that some disabled people - such as myself - do willingly go down the torturous path to trying to at least sort of "fit in" in society, and having a way to represent that in HDG is good I think

[tomatoteddy]

"Huh? Who am I? Who am I?!? Silly, I am the greatest star amongst the Phillipines Sea, the great Kuminang! Remember it, because you will be hearing it a lot from now on".

I made another oc + a new layaout for the charactr profiles… Can you tell I really like making characters? Anyways I always need to find an excuse to make at least one Filipino oc for every fandom I’m in so here y’all go!!

Kuminang (meaning: shine/sparkle in Tagalog) is as stated above, a pretty haughty and vain young lady, often bossing and ordering people around and acting like a spoiled princess. Despite that though, she really values hard working and passionate people, so she’ll tend to be nicer to people like that. She’s very passionate about music and singing, often spending hours practicing in her room. Strangely though, she doesn’t talk about her past a lot, which makes her a hot topic of discussion amongst newspapers.

Trivia

She’s based off this Filipino folktale I remember hearing about, where the sky used to be close to the ground. A spinster (sometimes it was a giant, sometimes she’s described as pretty but vain) placed her comb and necklace atop the sky while she was pounding rice. But everytime she raised the mortar, she’d hit the sky and she’d hit it so hard she’s cause it to go up everytime. So she basically caused the sky to rise up higher and higher, and her comb became the moon and her necklace the stars. (I’ve always loved this tale since I was a kid cause I loved stars and space, so naturally I had to make an oc based off of it).

I really wanted her udimo to be some sort of aquatic animal since I always associated aquatic animals with space, especially whales. Kuminang also used to live in a fishing town before she moved to Manila, so I imagine that even if she prefers to not talk about her past, she still feels nostalgic about the sea.

I imagine her to be a DPS/Support. I’m not too well versed in the combat/fighting side of games usually besides “this attack makes big damage”, so I may be a bit iffy when it comes to my ocs incantations and skills 😅😅 But I imagine her Counter incantation lets her counter-attack any enemies that attack her, similar to J’s if you get what I mean.

Kuminang is actually a trans girl and came from an unsupportive family who didn’t approve of her dream to be a singer before she ran away, and that’s partly the reason why she prefers not to talk about her past. She hides the fact she’s trans by using padded bras and wigs, but in her Insight 2 she’s wearing neither. I sorta view it as her accepting that she can’t hide her past but that it doesn’t change who she is now, if you get what I mean. It’s also like her accepting that she can have her naturally short hair and flat chest and still be a girl.

Kuminang didn’t have a proper real name at first since when she ran away to Manila she got rid of her former identity and immediately chose Kuminang as her stage name, and just went as that for a while. She then decided on Estrella as her proper real name, though still uses Kuminang.

Although Kuminang's mother tongue is Bisayan, she mostly speaks Tagalog due to her work in Manila. She also knows how to speak conversational English.

In terms of relationships to the other residents of the suitcase, I imagine her to admire Sweetheart a lot due to her own beauty and skills, and also because she views the idea of being in a film as her next step towards fame. I also imagine she sometimes hires Click to basically be her photographer, and though he gets easily overwhelmed by her energetic and bossy personality, she’s willing to buy camera films for him in exchange, so he goes along with her anyways. (This is just an excuse to get my fave character and my oc to interact)

She’s also quite fond of Vertin, and even though she teases her and is sometimes rude to her, she genuinely appreciates Vertin’s hard work and care towards her. She also talks about how Vertin is probably “one of the best managers she’s had”, but usually doesn’t elaborate past that.

I’m actually planning on making a fan-garment for her when Version 2.5 comes around because I really wanna draw her in a qipao/cheongsham surrounded by lanterns. And I know the garments for that patch are all traditional Chinese clothing BUT!!!!! I’ve been listening to Wei Ward Romance by Flavor Foley too much and really want an excuse to draw her in a qipao sooo WAIT FOR WHEN THAT ARRIVES!!!!

[eternal-echoes]

“Your child says she's trans. Now what? Many parents are frightened that if they don't affirm the child's declared gender identity, they could lose their child. In fact, some trans activists openly discuss how they train family court judges to view parental hesitation as a form a "medical neglect."(2) As a result, some parents can lose custody of their children if they don't consent to hormones and surgery.(3) Therefore, what should you do if your child claims to be trans? If you don't affirm her proclaimed gender identity, are you rejecting her?

First off, here's what not to do: Don't freak out, be dismissive, tell her it's just a phase, try to win a debate, convince her she's immature, or remind her that the frontal lobe of her brain isn't fully developed. Upon reading this, some parents might think, "Okay, I already managed to do all of that during our first conversation, and now she's locked in her room with her earphones on, not answering the door, and probably staring at her cellphone screen again. Any suggestions for damage control?"

When the dust settles, approach her gently and say, "I want to apologize. I'm sorry I didn't handle that very well. I honestly wasn't sure what to think or what to say. Do you mind if I could try to listen again?" Although teenagers often have a short attention span when listening to their parents, they have a surprisingly long one when parents offer a sincere apology. Nonetheless, if she spouts off a snarky reply, give her a pass this time. Let her air her grievances.

Should she be willing to reengage in a conversation, here are ten tips for your initial discussions:

One: Express gratitude that she has shared this information with you. Odds are, these feelings have been brewing in her mind for quite some time, but she was afraid to talk to you about them. She might have privately navigated through stages of initial awareness about her gender dysphoria, followed by waves or confusion, shame, exploration, self-rejection, resignation, and acceptance. For her to confide in you more deeply about where she's at in this process, she'll need to feel safe.

Two: Express reverent curiosity. By the time she talks to you about this, she has probably spent countless hours learning about the subject online and discussing it with others. If you don't understand concepts or terms she uses, invite her to explain what she means by them. If some of them strike you as absurd, unscientific, or theologically unsound, now is not the time to debate. Listen and learn what she's thinking. If you show her that you're willing to listen to her, in due time she'll value what you have to say in return. If she's open to sharing with you some of the sources where she's learned about the topic of gender, take the time to explore what they are saying, so you can better understand what she's thinking. In time, as she sees that you're willing to learn more about what matters to her, she may be open to reviewing resources you could share with her, that charitably call into question some of the ideologies she may have internalized.

Three: Be empathetic. Don't try to disprove her feelings. Rather, find places where you agree and might be able to affirm her ache or discontent. You could say, "I can see why you would feel constrained by the way the world expects people to fit into stereotypes. That makes sense." Although you might not agree on what it means for her live as her "authentic self," you can affirm her desire to live authentically. You could also affirm that this must be difficult to experience and acknowledge that you realize she didn't choose to feel this way. It's possible to validate her feelings without validating her reasoning, beliefs, and ideology. You could add, "I can see this has been very hard on you. I hear what you're saying, and I want to help. Thank you for trusting me with this."

Four: Rather than interrogating her, ask thoughtful questions. For example, "Can you tell me more about this? I want to understand." "What can I do for you?" "What has it been like to tell me about this? It must have taken courage." As your conversations deepen with time, you might be able to gradually map out the history of conflicts she has felt with her sexual identity. For example, "When did you start feeling this way?" "What was happening in your life at that time?" "When does the discomfort feel most intense?" For some individuals, gender dysphoria is like a white noise always playing in the background of their lives. For others, it fluctuates in intensity, and certain things such as formal attire and events (where individuals are expected to dress in a strictly masculine or feminine way) could trigger dysphoria. Another female recalled, "I felt the most dysphoric in my teenage years just in my bedroom.”(4) As you learn more about her experiences, you can discover ways to avoid triggering some of the distress.

Five: Don't debate her memories, even if they seem embellished. Parents of gender dysphoric teens often note that their child often reinterprets their childhood history through a transgender lens. Rather than trying to disprove her recollection, listen to her perception.

Six: Be humble. If she points out some of your flaws and the hurts that you have caused, own what you can without blame-shifting. Seek forgiveness where it is needed. Often, parents worry that if they admit blame, they empower their children to hold things against them. The opposite is true. When children witness authentic vulnerability, they learn from example that ownership of one's shortcomings is a trait to be emulated.

Seven: Remind her that she is loved. Reaffirm that you will never leave her, no matter what. Explain that God loves her unconditionally as well. Perhaps you could take this moment to also apologize on behalf of the Church if she has ever been alienated by members of her faith community. Reassure her that God loves her, that He desires a personal relationship with her, and that the Church is her home. Assure her of your prayers and encourage her to have a genuine prayer life as well.

Eight: Listen for deeper motives. Drs. Yarhouse and Sadusky write:

What motivates their gender atypical behavior varies. Teens may engage in atypical expression to manage gender dysphoria, reduce anxiety about body image, express a sense of "true self," experience sexual arousal, seek entertainment, or respond to boredom. Moreover, some teens do appear to be in a search for identity and community.(5)

Each person's motivation is their own. But by listening well, you can gradually discover that there are often motives that run much deeper than simply the profession, "I'm trans." What might appear on the surface to be a feeling of inadequacy could have a layer of shame beneath it, and self-hatred at the core. Insofar as these or other deeper factors surface, try to help them distinguish how they feel from who they are. Your unconditional love will help her to explore difficult emotions such as resentment, anger, hurt, and self-loathing, so that the deeper unmet needs can be addressed with healthy strategies.

Nine: Don't pull away from your child. The topic of gender can cause so much relational friction that some parents opt for a "flight" response, hoping the difficulty will spontaneously resolve if they ignore it long enough. One young woman recalled that as she was wrestling with the idea of gender, she felt as if she were being pushed in a "confused and desperate head space" by her parent's isolated attitude toward her. Speaking of her mother, she wished that she "would have shown a bit more understanding and asked me some questions and talked to me like I was a human being going through a struggle rather than a problem to be solved."(6) So, rather than viewing her as a problem to be solved, consider her to be a mystery to be gradually revealed. According to existing research on the well-being of LGBT-identifying young people, the best predictor of their well-being over time is the quality of their relationship with you, their parents.(7)

Ten: Buy yourself time. You could say, "To be honest, this is a lot for me to understand. But I can tell that this really matters to you, and so I want you to know that I take this seriously because of that. I need some time to process our conversation and learn more about this." Telling her that you need time enables you to avoid making any major decisions or promises (other than love) in your initial conversations. It allows you time to strategize how to help them manage their dysphoria in the least invasive manner possible. Further, it models the type of thoughtful discernment around complexity that you hope your child would emulate.”

-Jason Evert, Male, Female, or Other: A Catholic Guide to Understanding Gender

—

Work cited:

2) Julian Vigo, "Capitulating to Bullies: Brown University and the Transgender Lobby vs. Science," Public Discourse (October 7, 2018).

3) Cf. Ryan Anderson, "Parents Denied Custody of Child for Refusing Support of Transgenderism: Here's What You Need to Know," Lifesitenews.com, February 19, 2018.

4) "DETRANSITION Q&A (#1)," https://youtu.be/kxVmSGTgNxI.

5) Mark Yathouse and Julia Sadusky, Emerging Gender Identities (Ada, MI: Brazos Press, 2020), 67.

6) "DETRANSITION Q&A (#1)," https://youtu.be/kxVmSGTgNxI.

7) Cf. Yarhouse and Sadusky, Emerging Gender Identities, 66.

—

For more recommended resources on gender dysphoria, click here.

[heazueken]

I saw you were taking requests on your ao3 and I had to shoot my shot:

I read a fic on here yesterday about Vastaya Jayce and I’m obsessed~

If you take nsfw requests, would you be willing to write one of those? Maybe with trans Viktor? Maybe even a little bit of possessive Jayce over Viktor?

I need this vastaya Jayce thing to catch fire STAT

anon you made my day i am so excited for this you have no idea because i’ve had a specific idea about jayce for a good while now and i get to use that in this >:)) i had a lot of trouble looking up vastayans and which one i should assign jayce to so i apologize if this isn’t good enough or you imagined him as something else because i couldn’t find a lot of images for most of the subspecies that were listed (i am not a league player im sorry =_=U) i ultimately chose the more…wolf-like vastayan because well…let’s be real jayce fits that perfectly. anyway enough yapping which i love to do, please enjoy! 

viktor speaks more czech in this :3 do prdele - shit and kurva - fuck

Cured

*ೃ༄ summary: Viktor comes in with a hangover and Jayce is the only one to cure it

warning(s): MDNI, Vaginal sex, slight exhibitionism fantasy, vaginal fingering, ftm!viktor

pairing(s): Viktor/Jayce

w/c; 8.0k

Jayce wouldn’t call himself the most possessive person in the world, despite his tendencies to care just a little too much about other people. He’s a people pleaser, or at least tries to be, but his concern and way of “helping” almost always wasn’t appreciated and was often unwanted. He had some anxieties specifically about people being too cold (definitely doesn’t have to do with the fact his human mother lost two fingers in that terrible storm, no of course not) and it resulted in him constantly bothering Caitlyn to always keep a pair of gloves on her whenever she was on the job. He pesters and pesters and doesn’t relent until the other just finally accepts defeat just to get him out of their hair.

Then there was Viktor. The most stubborn of all people Jayce had ever met.

Stubborn didn’t even cover it, this man was a walking ball of anxiety for Jayce. He clearly didn’t take well enough care of himself, skipping meals, skipping his daily water intake, staying up late into the night. Jayce couldn’t have it and he specifically made it his job to make sure nothing bad happened to his partner.

He packs extra water, offering it when he can and sometimes Viktor refuses but Jayce could give him his puppy eye stare and somehow that was enough for him to accept it. He brings an extra sandwich to the workshop with him, telling Viktor he’s just much too full and he just has to eat the rest or else Jauce’s stomach could pop. It was clear as day to the older one that his Vastayan partner was trying to take care of him and he found a comfort in it, liking that at least someone cared enough about his health.

It took a few months to feel a sort of…obsession— you could call it— with Viktor. It had started very small, the food giving and telling him to pack it up and go to bed at 12AM, insisting he walk him back to his room. Then their talks became more personal, learning more about Viktor had been one of Jayce’s many interests. Scribbling often in his journal, questions to ask him and having some of them answered like his childhood in the undercity. The fact that he was alone for the majority of it only fueled this overprotective instinct towards him. He didn’t like seeing the solemn look on Viktor’s face when he told him how alone he truly felt but how he had created little inventions to help keep him company and exercise his ever exceeding mind had helped comfort him a little at least.

It had taken the Vastayan four years of working alongside Viktor for it to finally hit him that, yeah, his fascination with Viktor was more than that and he had fallen hard for him.

He’s sitting in their workshop, papers spread across the table with scribbles of equations and his pointed ears flick with irritation. He can’t seem to find the right factor to fit in his equation to aquire the desired effect. He grumbles and his chair creaks under his weight as he pushes it away from the desk.

“Aaargghh!” Jayce ruffles his head with clawed hands, messing up the neat, slicked back style of his hair and lets it fall over his forehead in half gelled sections. He slumps his shoulder and accepts defeat, letting his cheek press into the desk and stare at the paper with contempt.

The sound of the door opens behind him, the fuzzy brown ears atop his head perk up and one involuntarily angles itself towards the sound before he’s lifting his head to see who it is.  His heart thumps when he hears the familiar sound of a cane clicking on the stone flooring.

Viktor walks in, cane in one hand and a paper bag of something in the other. His gaze meets Jayce’s immediately and Jayce feels the air in his lungs get stolen out of him completely at the sight before him.

It’s not fair, it’s simply not fair when Viktor gets to look like that and other people get to see him. He’s disheveled, the bags under his eyes tell Jayce he barely slept a wink the night prior. His normally ironed shirt is wrinkly and not properly tucked into his trousers and what makes it worse— what makes Jayce’s animalistic urges bubble up to the surface is the glimpse of skin he can see past his neck. The shirt is unbuttoned, just enough so he can see the pale, soft looking skin of Viktor’s chest along with moles decorating the base of his neck and continuing down past the collar of his shirt.

“Hey,” He says with not much enthusiasm. “Sorry I’m late. I— uh, I was out last night and had one too many.”

That wasn’t like Viktor. He never drank. Anytime Jayce had proposed the idea they go get a pint together, Viktor always politely declined. Jayce tries not to take offense to the confession and instead focuses on what’s in his hand. He nods towards it.

“What’s that?” The paper bag has wet spots on the bottom of it and Jayce’s heightened sense of smell reaches his nostrils just as the words leave his mouth. Greasy meat, bread, cheese, potato—

“A sandwich I picked up on the way here to get rid of this terrible hangover,” The older one mumbles, finally limping towards the chair next to Jayce. Being the polite man he is, the blacksmith quickly makes room for his friend, grappling at papers and stacking them into a neat pile. Viktor sets himself at the desk with a sigh and leans his cane against the back of his chair. He reaches into the bag and pulls out the sandwich wrapped in brown paper.

Jayce watches him intensely, his mind focusing more on the fact that Viktor had come in looking like— well…a mess to be quite frank with you.

“So you went drinking last night?” He asks like he isn't going to ask a string of follow up questions.

His friend gives him the side eye before taking a bite of his sandwich. He nods, covering his mouth as he speaks.

“I did.” He says it almost suspiciously, ready to be asked another question because he knew his chimera partner all too well.

Jayce’s ears flick again and Viktor doesn’t notice.

“Who’d you go with?” Again, asking nonchalantly like the answer wouldn’t bother him in the slightest (it would no matter who.)

He doesn’t answer for what feels like a full minute, only the crinkle of paper and the pop of Viktor’s jaw with each bite. Jayce can’t even look at him when he answers.

“Ms. Young— Sky,” He corrects himself. 

Sky? Since when was he on a first name basis with her?

Jayce tries to ignore the clench of his jaw and his claws digging into his own thigh that rests there. He smiles, knowing it’s not very convincing.

“Well, I’m sure you had a great time.” He notices a mark on Viktor’s shirt, a little black streak of soot from yesterday's experiment with their new invention they began making a prototype for. The mechanical arm they had made emminated a powerful ray of light and in the midst of trying to get it to work, Jayce had accidentally charred part of Viktor’s uniform. Meaning…

“You didn’t make it home last night?” 

Viktor finally turns his whole body towards Jayce. The motion is quick and holds a heavy weight and he realizes he should not have asked that.

“Jayce, are you my mother or something? Why does it matter that I didn't make it home last night?”

He isn’t stupid, he’s seen the way Sky looks at Viktor with that blinding, loving stare every time he speaks to her. The way her cheeks would blush any time he gave her any sort of attention. He knew all too well of her crush because he acts the same way! His ears turn downward in irritation as he realizes Viktor has no idea of their assistants feelings towards him. He clenches his hand into a fist and taps it on the desk, this doesn’t go unnoticed and Viktor speaks again.

“What’s got you so worked up? Your fur is standing on end and every time I mention Sky you get this weird look on your face.” Jayce attempts to calm himself down and forces his ears back to their original state, standing to attention and facing his partner. He’s so bad at this, so terrible at acting like he hasn’t been thinking of the countless ways he would want to take Viktor right here in their workshop. He clenches his jaw once again and he has to stop himself from fully confessing then and there.

He relaxes, sighing, “I just worry. I know how Sky feels about you and I just—“

“How does she feel about me?” Viktor interjects, his voice raising slightly. He no longer looks tired now, he’s alert and he stares at his Vastayan partner and refuses to let him break eye contact. He sees a pain in Jayce’s eyes and his eyebrows furrow. 

Jayce is quiet for a moment, his right ear flicking as every version of what he wants to say travels through his mind and he decides to pick one to say. He doesn’t want to sound crazy or possessive, it was such a stereotype for someone like him to act like someone he cares for to be his property. Not that he even thought of Viktor as his property, he’s his own person after all! 

But he is yours. He belongs to you. An evil voice inside him states, tempting him to believe it. 

“Just…” He pauses, sucking in his bottom lip and chewing on it with his sharp canine. He’s close to drawing blood before he speaks again, “She likes you, like a lot…and…” He can’t look at Viktor anymore, his golden eyes flitting away from him and down to the table in front of them. He feels the heat of Viktor’s body move closer to him. He forces himself into Jayce’s peripheral to entice him to look at him again, he can’t help but relent.

“And..?” He’s so handsome. So, so handsome and Jayce feels like he’s going to pass out. Viktor’s eyes look like honey and they draw him in, the way he licks his bottom lip has his heart stutter in his chest. His emotions claw their way out from inside him and he struggles to hold his tongue, his chin trembling to withstand the words that need to escape his lips.

You never go out with me. You run off by yourself sometimes and disappear for a few days and come back and act like I wasn’t worried sick. Sky fucking likes you and I can’t stand the thought of her getting to spend time with you instead of it being me! 

“I worry you’ll be distracted…that your…commitment to our projects could diminish if you had someone distracting you.”

There’s a laugh, dry and cold. “Ha! Like I’m not already dealing with that,” Viktor bites and Jayce doesn’t understand the implications. 

Pause. There’s a beat, Jayce’s lips part as he stares in confusion, tooth gap visible and Viktor glances at it, smiling. Then he shuts his jaw tightly and stares at him with furrowed brows.

“I don’t really get it…dealing with what?”

He’s not this thick in the skull is he? Truly, he can’t be. Viktor laughs, casually resting his elbow on the desk and leaning back in his chair with an exasperated groan.

“Jayce. You’re joking, right? You’re—you’re messing with me.” 

Jayce looks at him like he grew a second head and was speaking gibberish. “I definitely am not. I don’t know what you mean.”

With a baffling look, Viktor is sliding his chair dangerously close to Jayce’s. Metal legs screech across the floor and his ears twitch at the unpleasantness, squinting one eye and cringing at the elevated sound thanks to his Valaryan blood. Viktor’s thigh is so close to his now that he feels the heat radiate from him, his face comes closer as well and it hinders Jayce speechless. He swallows nervously, his palms beginning to sweat. His lab partner stares back at him, eyes flitting across his face like he’s reading and decoding the expression he wears. There’s a hum from his throat and a clearing of Jayce’s as he desperately tries to avoid Viktor’s piercing stare.

Jayce is not one to be good at social cues. Ever since he was a child, despite being quite popular he was often picked on for “not getting a clue” as kids used to put it. It only got worse when romance was involved; Never being able to make the first move, always waiting on the sidelines or not picking up on the fact that a girl was very much into him until she finally said it. He didn’t like to assume things about anyone, especially people he had a major crush on and Viktor was exactly that. 

Why would he like Jayce, anyway? Surely Viktor could find someone way better, less nerdy, less…hairy in many places and less animalistic. 

Imagine his shock when Viktor leans in close, their breath coming together in a warmth that spreads between them. Then he finally speaks after assessing his lips for a moment.

“You don’t find yourself a distraction?”

Jayce doesn’t know how to answer that. Scratch that— he doesn’t understand the implications of what is being asked. His throat grows dry simply because of the fact Viktor is so close to him. His claws dig into his thighs and he struggles to hold eye contact for more than two seconds. He tries to answer, opening his mouth but nothing comes out. He really loses all ability to form even a single thought when Viktor’s hand is suddenly on his shoulder, slender fingers sliding up the collar of his dress shirt. His fingertips feel icy on Jayce’s simmering skin. 

“Do you ever look in a mirror? Seriously, Jayce.” His fingers slide across his thyroid muscle, going up and up until it reaches his jaw and he’s feeling the rough hairs of his beard. Jayce is in shock, too much so to move a single muscle except screw his eyes tightly shut.

He doesn’t answer a single question, but he attempts to speak, his voice coming out shaky and barely within a whisper. 

“You…Viktor, what— Are you sure you’re not still drunk?” He tries to chuckle, but it comes out awkward and breathy. He dares to open his eyes only to see Viktor is even closer to him, so close he can see the lines of bronze in his iris’ and the way his pupils dilate when their gaze meets. He can see the grooves of Viktor’s smile lines, the intensity of the purple under his eyelids and the shape of his two perfect moles. How he’s imagined kissing them gently…

“I’m sure,” He answers simply, his nails scratch gently at Jayce’s chin much like you would a dog and he almost melts at the touch. There’s no logical explanation for why he’s doing this other than the fact he’s pulling some sort of prank on Jayce, right? 

“You’ve been the distracting one.” He begins. “Always on my mind, always so close yet so far away. You eat away at the inner workings of my thoughts, Jayce.”

No.

“I think about you all day, from morning to noon to the evening. When I lay my head down I dream of you—“ Viktor is bold with his hand and moves it to card his fingers through soft brown hair, pushing it away from Jayce’s forehead. He reaches the spot where the ears on his head begin to protrude out, shocked by how soft the fur was and uses an index finger to lightly trace the natural shape of it and feel them tremble under his touch. It takes everything in Jayce to bite back a moan and before Viktor continues his gentle caressing, his hands follow back down the same path to his face once more . His thumb briefly swipes across the small scar on his eyebrow. “I think of the things we could do.”

This can’t be happening. 

He’s frozen, unmoving, afraid that if he dares move a muscle he could wake up from this dream he’s having. 

“You had me so pent up last night, all I could think to do to get rid of the frustration was go have a few drinks. You’re so unaware of what you do to me, Jayce.” Viktor cups his hand over his cheek, bringing his other hand to cup the other. His thumbs against his beard produce a quiet scratching sound and Jayce revels in the feeling, a low sound comes from his throat.

He finally speaks, his lips so, so close to Viktor’s. 

“What were you thinking we could do?” His heavy lashes flutter and his golden eyes meet his partners with a soft gaze. He’s letting himself be selfish, even for a moment. His curiosity finally getting the better of him. He had often pondered many situations with Viktor (most of them involving him laying him on the their project desk and fucking him until they’re both seeing stars) and he’s too fervent with his hunger to know exactly what the other had been picturing.

There’s a laugh that comes from his nose at the question. 

“You. On your knees and—“ Viktor’s cheeks actually turn pink and he seems almost too shy to continue. Jayce had never seen him act like that besides the many times he’s tried to get him to come along to the Council parties and meetings, always being standoffish to the idea of being perceived. He couldn’t blame him really. But seeing him like this— lids heavy with lust, lips parted and breathing unevenly, his fingers sliding back down to his throat and gently pushing them against his skin. 

“—And using your mouth to make me cum. Just using you for my own pleasure and making you beg for me to do it.”

Oh, right. Jayce had never much thought about their dynamic like that. He always tends to steer to one side of being the giver— not like he had much experience anyway, especially with another man— but he had taken the more dominant role in almost every sexual encounter he had. He had never considered the idea of begging to give.

Something clicks inside him, like flipping a switch or clicking the final puzzle piece into place. His eyes widen at the realization and his jaw almost drops to the ground. His face instantly turns red. 

They stare at each other for a moment, Jayce holding his breath and Viktor who seems like he’s waiting for a response.

“Oh…uh…” Jayce begins to tremble, his hands shake and he grapples hand fulls of the fabric of his pants to calm his nerves. The back of his neck begins to sweat and he can’t even think of what to say first. He had been imagining this for so long and he can’t even muster enough courage to tell him all the things he’s been thinking this entire time they’ve been partners. He doesn’t want to release a word vomit and yet—

“I’ve been thinking the same. Not—not the using me for your pleasure but—oh, but maybe I have…it would be nice, honestly. I’m all for it in fact! But, what I meant was I’ve been thinking about you just as much, all day, I think of you. I watch you—not like as in a creep sort of way! Just admiring you while you’re working, ya know? And—and I just—“

“Jayce.”

“Yes?” His cheeks are so red that Viktor attempts to soothe over them with his cold thumbs to diffuse the blood flow under them. He’s laughing, it’s soft and quiet between them and Jayce almost dies at the feeling of his breath coming in huffs against his face.

“Just kiss me already, will you?” 

“Oh—! Right…I’m sorry.” Could he be more cringe-worthy?

His nose gently bumps into Viktor’s and there’s a shared chuckle between them before Jayce is perfectly fitting his lips against his partners. He’s eager, almost too eager when their lips ignite this flame within him. Something shifted in the very fiber of his being and stars were circulating under his shut eyelids, almost making him dizzy. Or maybe it was just the taste on Viktor’s mouth; That sweetness of the cream he poured way too much of in his coffee, the slight bitter taste of the beans beneath it, the bacon, cheese and egg not making the best combo but that was okay because he’s kissing Viktor and Viktor is kissing him. 

There’s a hand he places on the base of his friend's neck, he’s careful with his sharp nails and warms the pale skin under his sweaty palm. He feels a chuckle escape past Viktor’s lips and into his own mouth before he‘s pulling away and speaks against his mouth.

“What?” 

Neither of them open their eyes, perhaps too shy to let the other see their expression of utter joy. Jayce feels the smile against him though when Viktor speaks.

“Nothing. Just…your palms are so sweaty. Do all Vastayan’s run this hot?”

They share a warm chuckle together.

“Just me, I think.”

And they continue. Jayce’s thumb swipes across the skin it reaches, his large hand could almost wrap around Viktor’s neck and it awakes something primal within him.

Mine. He thinks to himself, his hand tightening just slightly. He feels the bob of Viktor’s Adam’s apple under the pad of his thumb and hears the gasp escape him. Then he feels a tug on his shirt, and Viktor’s lips move much more incessantly than before like he’s eager for more. Jayce obliges, his mouth slotting perfectly against his and lips go from damp to wet and soaking with spit. Suddenly, Viktor’s tongue slides eagerly into Jayce’s and he’s caught off guard and his hand flinches around the base of his neck again.

“Mmmph—!” Viktor makes a needy sound, leaning closer, so close he’s practically about to fall off his chair. He kisses the man like this will be the last chance he gets, or like a man starved for any sort of touch. Jayce has never had such a partner react this way but it kindles a flame of intrigue, wondering where else he could touch Viktor to make him react in such a way.

He comes up with an idea. He pulls his mouth away and opens his eyes to feast upon the view that is Viktor with plump, red, kiss-bitten lips and a glossy glaze over his heavy lidded eyes. 

“Come here, Vik,” Jayce practically growls, his voice deep and purring in his chest as he wraps his clawed hand around Viktor’s thin arm. 

He makes quick work off his chair, leans a hand on the table to support his bad leg and gently sets a knee on the available spot outside Jayce’s thighs. He sets each knee down and slowly sits his ass against Jayce’s thick thighs.

It wasn’t until Viktor scoots himself to get comfortable that they both realize Jayce is rock hard. There’s a pause when his hands grab his partner’s waist and his fingers dig into the fabric of his shirt out of desperation. Jayce slowly slides his eyes up Viktor’s body to meet his wide eyed stare. Both of them are red faced and lips are parted slightly in shock, Viktor is the first to smile.

“Seems like I get to you too?” He supports a hand on his large shoulder and his hips slide deliberately up and down the length under himself. Jayce bites back a moan, sucking in his bottom lip and daring to keep eye contact with this cruel side he’s never seen of Viktor. 

The Vastayan’s ears flatten against his hair, with a mind of their own it paints a picture for Viktor exactly what Jayce could be thinking. He wants to reach out and touch them to see if he could get another reaction out of him, he’s been hypothesizing the effect of touching them at the base, or grabbing his tail (unfortunately he can’t reach that in the moment but he’s hoping he’ll have a chance soon). But instead, he continues to drag his crotch across the man beneath him, moaning when his nails dig into his skin. The sounds dripping from his mouth has Jayce believing he’s in the presence of angels, only someone as perfect and beautiful as Viktor could make such heavenly sounds.

There’s another sound that crawls up Jayce’s throat after his eyes screw shut. He can’t take it much longer, the feeling of Viktor dragging himself across him has him choking on his words. He tries to speak but it only comes out in a canine-like rumble in his chest. His hands grip Viktor so hard that the other is almost afraid he’d draw blood.

“Viktor,” Jayce growls, his grip is strong enough to completely still his hips from anymore torture. He needs him now. He needs to claim Viktor as his own, bite him in places where others can see and know that he belongs to a Vastayan, fill him so deeply so all Viktor can think is Jayce, Jayce, Jayce. 

He knows he’s not Viktor’s first and it’s not like that bothers him. He knows he hasn’t been sexually active after they met and thinking on it, Jayce wonders if this whole time Viktor has been wanting him the moment they agreed to be partners. It fuels him with a possessiveness and it’s so palpable in the air between them. Viktor’s eyes widen with an understanding almost immediately and he’s being lifted faster than he can protest.

“Jayce, what are you—?” He’s being picked up, Jayce is grabbing him at his hips and lifting him off his lap with such ease, what strength he has…it makes Viktor’s mind spin with desire.

He’s set gently on the desk in front of Jayce, he has to separate his legs to let the larger one in front of him fit between them. His elbows immediately find their spot on Jayce’s shoulders and Viktor’s hands tangle through his hair again; He can’t help it, it’s just so soft! His fingers massage at the base of Jayce’s velvet ears once more and he studies the way his partner's lips part to release a longing sound. His hands come up between them and he’s grabbing the first button on Viktor’s collar.

There’s a moment where they’re both holding their breath, Jayce pauses for a moment to do so and it feels like he’s asking for permission for a moment but ultimately decides that he can’t wait for permission. Viktor sitting here in front of him is enough consent for him. 

With both holding bated breath, Jayce begins unbuttoning Viktor’s shirt. His delicate claws are careful to not scrape against his skin and he feels his hands squeeze his shoulders with anticipation. It’s quiet between them, the room becomes still the more Jayce unbuttons and he looks up to catch Viktor’s stare when he reaches the last button. They look at each other for a moment, taking in the reality before them with a synced sigh. Viktor is first to lean in and kiss Jayce this time, his thumbs circling around the collar of his shirt like he’s done this a hundred times. They kiss tenderly as Jayce unfastens his shirt completely.

He pulls away then, ears rotating to face the man in front of him completely in curiosity, one flicks gently when Jayce’s hands slide beneath the fabric and push it off Viktor’s shoulders. 

He’s gorgeous. Of course he is, he doesn’t think there could be any part of Viktor that isn’t. Moles and freckles decorate his skin like the night sky, constellations travel across the pale skin and Jayce is already letting his fingertips follow the path of stars. His eyes dart across his chest and that’s when Jayce sees it.

Scarring around his nipples and just below the curve of where his pecs begin. The skin is pink, lighter in color than the rest of him and Jayce understands what the scars mean. He’s enthralled by the beauty and only wishes to see more.

There’s a break in the silence when Jayce swipes his thumb across one of Viktor’s nipples, he makes a sound that’s akin to a whine and Jayce barely notices his tail begins to wag with interest. He swipes it again except uses both thumbs, the pads of his fingers follow the faint scars and back up to draw slow circles around his areolas. 

“Jayce…” Viktor sighs, his chin ducks into his chest and his eyes squeeze shut. His composure is already waning and he doesn’t think he can wait much longer. 

Jayce seems equally as impatient and is leaving a gentle kiss on the juncture of Viktor’s collar bone. 

“Take off your pants, will you?” He murmurs with his teeth against skin and hands gripping wherever he can find purchase. It’s messy and awkward when Viktor’s hands fumble with the button of his trousers and he’s shimmying out of them on the desk. Jayce has to pull away to help him out of them and he’s met with a pair of black undergarments. His acute sense of smell catches the scent of Viktor’s excitement and his ears seem to perk up at it. His mouth begins to water and Jayce has trouble deciding what to do next.

Viktor slides his underwear off, his bare ass on the wooden desk. It’s not very comfortable— especially for him— but he doesn’t seem to care in the slightest when he looks down to anticipate Jayce’s next move.

“Have you done this before?” Jayce suddenly asks. He already knows the answer but needs the confirmation.

“A few times,” Viktor says in a quiet voice. “You?”

Jayce swallows hard, his hands falter and loosen on Viktor’s skin momentarily.

“Same here…it’s been a long time.” His gaze follows down the trail of brown hair that begins at Viktor’s belly button and down to the view of him hard and waiting.

Poking between patches of coarse hair is his partner's clit. It’s protruding and hard. He swears he sees it twitch when one of Jayce’s hands follow down the hair and to his pubic bone where he braces his four fingers over the bush of hair and lets his thumb hover his vulva.

“I know my way around this, though.” He breathes a chuckle, mouth open and watering.

He can feel Viktor tense up when Jayce’s thumb presses on the underside of his enlarged clit. He strokes back and forth a few times, watches the way it responds to his touch. He’s quick to notice the slick slowly oozing out of Viktor and forming a small puddle on the desk. There’s a feeling that blooms inside Jayce’s chest when Viktor responds to his continuous prodding with a deep moan. His thumb swipes down to where his entrance lays open and waiting, he’s gentle not to nick him with his claw.

“Jayce—“ He chokes on his sentence when Jayce slowly inserts his thumb into Viktor’s aching hole. It squeezes around the digit and he instantly wonders what it would feel like to have him squeezing around his cock. 

Viktor already looks spent, he’s panting and widening the space between his legs further and further for Jayce to see exactly what he’s doing. He responds well to his touch, gasping and moaning when Jayce grabs him roughly and scoots him closer to the edge of the desk. 

Anyone could come in. Anyone. But neither one seems to care— not when Jayce is taking his damp thumb out of his lab partner and circles his index and middle finger around the clenching entrance before him. 

“It’s been awhile for you, right?” He asks gently, like honey dripping from his mouth he sounds sweet and light. The Vastayan awaits the response by running the slick up and down Viktor’s vulva and circles around his dick slowly. He feels him twitch under his touch and it fills Jayce’s chest with a sense of pride. His mouth curls into a smile as it settles in his thoughts— Mine.

“Yeah…it has,” Viktor responds with a deep sigh. “What about it— ah!” His hand shoots for Jayce’s large shoulder, nails immediately digging into the fabric of his button up and his head throws back. Jayce thrust two fingers deep inside him. With a lustful gaze, he watches the way the older ones Adam’s apple bob when he releases an onslaught of pleas. His bad leg bends at the knee as much as it can and he holds it open to give Jayce more access. 

There’s a sense of satisfaction in seeing Viktor come undone by Jayce’s touch. He’s been dreaming of this day for so long and had fallen asleep quite a few times to this exact image. It’s festering and eating away at his mind, slowly consuming him and chipping away at what sanity he had left.

“I’ve got to make sure you’re ready for me, right?” Jayce asks in a hush tone. He’s lifting himself off his seat so he can tower over Viktor who’s clenching around his fingers and leaning back on his elbows. Jayce places his one free hand to brace himself on the table top and lean in close to press his forehead to Viktor’s.

“You’ll let me make you mine, right? Please, tell me you’ll be mine.” He sounds desperate but Jayce doesn’t seem to care in the slightest. 

Viktor sees the glimpse of his tail wagging frantically. He barely can focus when Jayce fits another finger inside him and he feels fingerpads prod and slide inside him. His fingers are so big, he knows this from the many times Jayce had laid his hands over his partners shoulders, or the way he gently caresses his warm hand over his back. Having them inside him however, proved to be a greater task and he wonders just how big Jayce is in those trousers of his.

Jayce is growing impatient, he knows he should stretch Viktor out more, he’s so tight around three of his fingers, he’s afraid that his dick might be too much of a task to work up to. God, he has to be inside him, though.

“Make me yours,” Viktor finally gasps. Their glossy eyes meet once more in a half-lidded, drunken stupor and their lips part as they begin to moan in unison. Jayce feels his pants strain against his erection. He can’t wait any longer.

With swiftness, he’s unbuttoning his pants, removing his hand from inside the older one and focuses on the painful pressure of the fabric encasing his excitement. 

Viktor works on the shirt he’s still wearing (the damn thing) and his soft fingers make quick work of the buttons. Furry hair covers Jayce’s chest and there’s a surge that causes Viktor’s heart to falter and his stomach flip at the sight of brown hair. His hand pets at it and lets his fingers travel across down to his lower abdomen. His stomach rises and falls with each harsh intake of breath from Jayce and Viktor is too preoccupied by the gorgeous hair that creates a trail over his pelvic area to notice that his partner is now naked in front of him. 

He’s too big. Much too big. Viktor’s stomach drops to his feet at the sight. Coarse dark hair frames his large dick and he glances at the already leaking tip. He takes in a deep breath and looks up at Jayce through his lashes.

“And how exactly do we expect this to fit?” He jokes. Jayce grabs himself at the base and guides the tip to Viktor’s entrance where he swirls the slick around slowly. Both of them lock their jaws open and release a moan together as he slides his shaft up Viktor’s vulva and thrusts lazily at his clit. He feels his partner get wetter with each second. Jayce braces each hand on the desk then and lowers his forehead to press it against Viktor’s to grab his gaze with his own.

“We’ll make it fit. You’re mine, remember?” He says with a desperation that’s palpable between them. Viktor can only nod, his heart in his throat. Jayce directs his tip back to his entrance and barely pushes in.

“Shaped just for me. Only I can have this.” He doesn’t just say, but demands it, not giving Viktor a say in the matter but they both know he wants this just the same.

“Yeah…” His partner breathes, staring down to where they’re almost connected. “Just for you, Jayce. Please…”

He pushes in without a single thought. He’s large and the head of his cock splits Viktor open in a delicious way. The warmth and wetness has him moaning and dropping his face into the others neck, he stills for a moment to catch his breath.

Viktor gasps when he feels Jayce twitch inside him and his walls clench and spasm with a need to suck more of him in. His body gives itself freely to Jayce, relaxing in a way it never has before and pulls him in so easily. He shifts on the desk in a more comfortable position, no longer is his ass halfway off the table but it sits fully on the wood and he draws his legs up and bent to rest the heels of his feet right on the edge. This gives Jayce the perfect view when he pulls away to see how much he’s gotten to fit. Just halfway it looks like.

His large fingers slide down Viktor’s body and meets his enlarged clit, poising two fingers on either side of it and begins to jerk him off slowly. His hips move precisely, pushing more inside every time he feels Viktor’s walls unclench, there’s a pattern to it much like his onslaught of whining and moans, repeating Jayce’s name like a mantra. There’s a system to claim Viktor as his own and Jayce is willing to be patient to get the results he’s aiming for.

“That’s it,” He breathes. “Taking me so well.” Their pelvic bones finally meet, coarse hair mixing together and skin on skin in the most intimate way. Jayce lets them rest like this for a moment, waiting for Viktor to catch his breath. He’s still barely said anything and knowing his lab partner for so long he knows that’s a good sign. Viktor is always one to stay silent until something irks him, or something doesn’t look right.

He keeps his intense golden eyes on Jayce and occasionally flits down to look how deep he is inside him. He finally looks again when their hips press together. Viktor is placing a hand on his lower stomach and presses down gently.

“Can feel you, right here…” He reaches to grab Jayce’s wrist and forces him to feel the same spot. 

There is the slightest bump and it fills Jayce with something animalistic. His tail begins to wag again and his ears turn and lay flat against his head as determination blooms in his chest.

He’s grabbing Viktor’s waist, the other protests for a second in a startle.

“What—“

Jayce pulls back, pulling out of him just halfway only to slam his hips back into Viktor’s. There’s a startling yelp from the man under him and his hands find purchase on his shoulders again to brace himself for the thrusting. 

The thrusts are relentless, Jayce is determined to watch the way Viktor’s stomach bulges just slightly with each hard plunge into him. They both watch in awe, his body giving in to his shape so easily and responding by tightening around him in an attempt to keep him inside.

It’s so risky to do this. They both know it, it had been eating away at the back of their minds. Anyone could walk in and see Jayce, a Vastayan plowing into his human partner and abusing his pussy in the most perfect way. Something about the thought though made Jayce fuck him harder and lean down to speak.

“Thought about how anyone could walk in,” He grunts. Viktor’s jaw locks open and he nods, looking up at him with tears in his eyes. Maybe it was from the pain of his thrusts or the pleasure of it, they didn’t seem to care or linger too much on the thought.

“Me too,” He gasps.

Jayce releases a precise shove inside Viktor, the head of his cock kissing his cervix. He thrusts a few more times before growling out another sentence.

“Stand there and watch me claim you. You’re mine and no one else gets to have you. They have to stand there and watch how your body only responds to me. This—“ His fingers press onto Viktor’s dick and he’s letting out a cry that they’re sure could be heard down the hall.

“Is mine, right?”

“Y-yes,” Viktor gasps, “Do prdele, Jayce, yes. It’s yours. I’m all yours.”

He tightens around Jayce’s dick, his clenching walls shudder around the thickness of him and he begins to convulse.

“Jayce, I—ungh— I’m—kurva— Going to cum.”

He’s close too quickly, but just as he confesses, Jayce realizes he’s just as close as him. The tightening in his lower abdomen finally moves to the forefront of his mind but he’s eager to make Viktor come to first. His fingers make quick work of his dick, drawing tight circles on it and stuffing his face back into his neck.

Viktor’s hands find themselves in his hair, his delicate fingers grabbing at his ears again and feeling the soft base of them. It triggers Jayce to release a moan and his hips falter in their rhythm slightly. Viktor flutters around him, a filthy wet sound fills the room including the trail of curses in his mother tongue.

“Viktor—“ Jayce says hoarsely, “Come on,” His fingers never cease, Viktor’s body responds by arching his back and hyperventilating as he draws closer and closer to his orgasm.

It hits him hard, he releases a drawn out moan of Jayce’s name and the other watches in awe as Viktor’s body releases a spray of a liquid. His eyes widen, halting all movement for a second before continuing to help Viktor ride his pleasure out. The liquid soaks their skin and the filthy sound of skin on skin increases. Viktor is throwing an arm over his eyes, face growing red as he’s too ashamed to even look at Jayce anymore.

He feels it run down the back of his thighs and Jayce feels it around his dick and drip onto the floor. He barely has time to even ask what it was before Viktor contracts around him just once and it’s enough to draw him to his own orgasm.

He pulls out quickly, as much as he would love to bury deep inside and finish inside him, he’s polite enough to at least paint the cessation of his pleasure over Viktor’s torso. 

They’re silent, both catching their breaths as their minds slowly come to and the clarity makes its way into their bodies.

Jayce is first to come to, apologizing profusely for making a mess all over him and quickly drawing his under and pants back up before scrambling away to grab some paper towels. Viktor rests on the desk, his legs have drawn in, there’s still an arm over his eyes and he’s let his back rest fully. It’s uncomfortable in his brace but he doesn’t care, not when he embarrassingly let himself go like that in front of Jayce.

He’s back and immediately helping wipe his cum off his stomach. Apologies pour out of his mouth and Viktor takes a peak to watch the concern grow on Jayce’s face.

“I didn’t mean to— well, I meant to but— what I mean is— oh, God—“ A stark contrast to the person that was just twelve inches inside him and claiming Viktor as his property. 

He smirks, no longer hiding from Jayce and rises back on his elbows again.

“Hey,” He says gently. “It’s okay. I’m embarrassed I squirted all over you.”

Jayce stares at him blankly. “’Squirted?’” He repeats. He wipes more cum off the brace around Viktor’s torso. “Is that what it’s called? I’ve never had someone do that while we were…yeah.”

“Neither have I. I’ve only ever been able to do it myself.” Viktor confesses with a slight smile. 

Jayce blushes. “Don’t tell me that.” Viktor cocks his head with the silent question.

“I’ll get too possessive over you. It’ll go to my head.”

“I think we’ve established clearly who I belong to. Wouldn’t you agree?”

They look at each other for the first time since they came down from their high and Viktor admires the softness of Jayce’s gaze. There’s a hopeful glint on Jayce’s eyes and he tries not to smile too eagerly.

“You…you mean that?” 

He doesn’t answer but instead draws him close and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s clean up. I’ll help.”

“No!” Jayce protests, “Let me! You’ll be sore soon enough and I can’t have you overworking yourself.” 

Viktor’s stomach flips and he feels like he might throw up over how sweet of a lab partner he has. No one had ever admired him the way Jayce did, let alone just noticing him. He was so used to being the last one to be thought of that watching Jayce clean the area around them, on his hands and knees cleaning the floor. Then wiping Viktor’s legs with a damp cloth and even going so far as to help him back into his clothes has Viktor feeling something he had never felt before.

For the first time he felt cared for and loved.

Once they finally collected themselves, Jayce couldn't seem to meet Viktor’s gaze anymore. 

“What is it?” The older asks, grabbing his cane and making his way over to Jayce.

He awkwardly stands in place, hands at his side and tail tucking in between his legs. Viktor has the urge to reach out and touch him, an instinct he’s been fighting for a good long while.

“I just…” His cheeks grow red. “I can’t believe I said and did those things…I felt like another person…”

Viktor chuckles and elbows Jayce gently. “It was definitely a side to you I had never seen before. But I’m just wondering when we’ll do it again.”

Jayce’s ears perk up and his tail stands to attention, he fights the wagging but loses the battle.

“Really? You…you want to do this again?”

For someone so smart he truly can be the dumbest person. 

“Jayce, would you mind joining me later tonight in my chambers for uh…part two, if you will?”

“Yes, I’d love to.” He says without a single thought.

“Then,” Viktor pats a hand on his back. “Let’s get back to work, hm?”

They walk back to the very desk and Viktor begins reorganizing the pile they had pushed aside in their aroused state.

“Your hangover gone now, then?” Jayce prods gently. 

“For sure. I’ll go to you to cure any crapulence, how about that?” 

He agrees and after a few more seconds, Jayce finally asks a question that’s been bothering him for a while.

“So…you don’t like Ms. Young, right?”

Viktor slowly turns to look at him, his mouth a straight line and eyes glaring.

“You’re really asking me that?”

Jayce nods. “Right. Sorry. Understood.” And he goes back to the equation that had him stumped earlier.

[januscorner]

Why I think Holyghost is T4T

So we know Grace’s mother respects trans people as she uses Ziggs’s proper pronouns, so it’s not to much of a stretch they’d accept a trans daughter. Grace’s main colors are Pink, Blue, and White (the colors of the trans flag) to the point where she even colors her sign that way

We don’t know that much about Max’s personal life however we can peace some stuff together. We know he has a bad relationship with his dad referencing his dad calling him “a little cuck” maybe because he doesn’t accept him, his reference to Judas likely means his family is Christian only adding to it (obviously not all Christians are transphobes but a good amount of transphobes are Christian)

He seems to be friends with Steph or at least former friends, telling her to get behind him at the Old Waylon Place and offering to protect her. While obviously guys and girls can be friends they’re relationship to me at least reads as childhood girlfriends after one transitioned (from my own personal experience as a trans guy) Also adding to the betrayal and him calling her Judas.

And finally Max’s over performance of masculinity. Max is stereotypical toxic masculinity in human/ghost form. I think it at least started as overcompensating so people see him as a boy although soon after he just went mad with power. Pete mentions knowing him sense the fourth grade, Hatchetfield is a small town so while there are a few different schools a lot of the people at Hatchetfield High probably knew him before he transitioned and maybe even told the people who didn’t. It’s really hard to get people who knew you before you transitioned, especially cis people, to see you as your gender. So Max becomes the epitome of toxic masculinity, they have to see him as a guy now. Plus it’s pretty common for AFAB trans people to lean hard into masculinity at the start of their transition regardless of how they actually want to look.

Also us seeing Max shirtless doesn’t mean anything sense it’s all in Grace’s head, Grace might not even be aware Max is trans (after all who would tell her she doesn’t have friends)

Edit: I just remembered, Pete is hiding from Max in the boys bathroom, if Max is cis there’s no reason Pete would be safe there but if Max can only use the girls bathroom…

[h-sleepingirl]

Hi sleepingirl! I don't ever use tumblr so this account is totally empty, but I wanted to message anyways. I spent a lot of 2023 coming to terms with having a deeply rooted mind control fetish that's all intertwined with my experience of sex, intimacy and even a sort of weird spirituality I don't yet understand.

I really liked listening to your old podcast and honestly, some of the bits where you talked about dealing with the shame of being wired in this weird way and how it's impacted your life was so relieving to hear - I guess it's knowing that i'm not the only one like this. I felt incredibly seen! I don't understand why this is such a big thing for me but it is.... accepting it is really hard but it's been worth it for me :)

I used to talk to the small handful of people I could find online who Got It about the weird intersection of hypnosis and sexuality and spirituality (I think Spider/chelicerate was one? She said she knows you and recommended I talk to you about this, I believe, but it's been a while and I don't really remember now). This was around the time I was becoming slightly jaded with some aspects of hypnokink and trying to learn from the material that existed and seeing how many people don't seem to care about the sheer depth that there is to all this that I don't even know how to put into words. I guess... I don't know honestly It's hard to talk about this without sounding totally crazy but I remember reading some of your posts about hypnosis being magic, actually and how that's impacted some of your own understandings of spirituality and I really wanted to ask you about what that's been like because I feel like in some way I've had a tiny peek behind the same veil so to speak and it's really crazy feeling like there's nobody else who understands ;;

I definitely can relate with a lot of what you’re saying! I’m glad the podcast has been a comfort for you. There are a lot of us who are this way, although nowadays as hypnokink gets more popular I run into way more people who are not fetishists but instead just picking it up as a fun kink. Which is fine! But it’s definitely different. But if anything, hypnosis as a sex act is more socially acceptable now than it ever has been! It’s heading towards mainstream (and certainly feels that way in queer/trans spaces).

I resisted it for a long time but hypnosis is inseparable from my spirituality at this point. There is just too much overlap. The philosophy I have learned from one innately affects the other. I just wrote a piece about being a living doll at an erotic hypnosis con and I was thinking about a famous Jewish philosopher during it. This week I went to artsy Torah study and wrote a small drash/poem based on my experience being hypnotic/erotic art (not overtly). It’s all connected.

I’m Jewish, but have a lot of history in Earth-based spirituality, witchy stuff, etc that will probably never go away for me. Magical traditions (new and old ones) always seem to include trance practices, but rarely give it anything but surface level attention. And “hypnosis” tries to distance itself from that and put itself into a scientific box. The overlap is painfully obvious, but each discipline wants to deny it, and label their techniques in such a way that they can’t be used in any other context. And like you say, it all sounds crazy -- because hypnosis sounds crazy, and we live in a very rationalist world where if you talk authentically about spirituality you are labeled as crazy too. 

The thing is I don’t think there’s a good way to marry the two except to tailor both to your own views and needs. I have read books that try to make a magical framework out of hypnosis and vice versa and they feel like they are very frustrating to me. I am not comfortable with any single model or framework of esotericism/spirituality nor of hypnosis -- I need freedom to move through multiple perspectives. I am also not comfortable blindly synthesizing things that I don’t understand or learn the background of. So it’s really this big DIY journey of trying to understand what I believe about a) the world/God/etc, and b) human psyche/intimacy/relationships.

I think there’s some very obvious stuff where the two overlap -- I may have talked before about feeling some sort of indescribable divine feeling in deep hypnosis, or encountering difficult-to-explain occurrences during play. I don’t talk about that stuff mostly because it’s very personal and I have no vested interest in convincing other people this stuff is real when I don’t even fully believe it all myself. I also don't think those kinds of experiences are where the real hypnosis/spirituality overlap is. But I think that sanitizing hypnotic experiences and saying they MUST be explainable by rational means is disingenuous and limiting. I don’t think we should go around saying hypnosis is literally spirit possession or something. But we should be open to the idea that people are having experiences that feel like they defy reality, and yes you can use psychology as a model to describe that but it’s just that -- an imprecise model. This is another case where I think it’s critical to be able to hold multiple models.

Personally, for me this means I need to release the impulse to find “The Objective Truth” and instead engage in what feels like radically human experience -- hypnosis is deeply human, spirituality is deeply human. Science is human too, and I respect it, but the denial or obsessive rationalizing of subjective experience is not what I want out of my human life. I have been through a lot of spiritual models/spaces in my life and the only constant is that I feel like I am not sure -- and that’s what defines my spirituality. It’s the “not knowing” or curiosity towards the world, rather than trying to explain everything away. We know the mechanics of why the wind blows, but a gust out of nowhere still makes my hair stand on end and makes me think “Wow.” That’s actually an overlap with hypnosis: Erickson hypnotized people by telling them that they didn’t have to know anything in trance -- the opposite of our “normal” lives.

Anyways, I hope any of this is interesting to you or what you were asking about lol

[welcomefortune]

One of the big problems I do have with Veilguard is that they seem to not want much moral ambiguity. Like finding out that Sten has nothing to do with the Qunari invading despite being previously established as the Arishok. Or the Crows just being completely morally good now and making sure all of their targets deserve it. Or none of the elves joining their gods or Solas because they’re good and only evil people would join evil people so it’s just the Venatori and the Antaam despite the fact that the Venatori’s vision of Tevinter relies on human supremacy to elves and the Antaam hate magic they’re actually fine with it when it comes to the elven gods. Or how if you are blighted now the Grey Wardens will put you through the Joining to save you but don’t worry they wouldn’t actually make you join against your will because that would be bad. Or how the Lords of Fortune are treasure hunters but don’t worry they would never take anything cultural important and respect indigenous rights. Or how none of the Shadow Dragons want to do a violent uprising against slavery the most they want is to threaten that they might do violence but ultimately they are going to end slavery by asking nicely.

No one even seems to have any prejudices against anyone or anything. If you play a Shadow Dragon mage Rook you don’t have any issues with the Qun or the Qunari even though you’re family is military and has been at war against them or that you are from Ventus which was taken over by the Qunari and all of the mages were lobotomized with qamek a few years ago or from Tevinter propaganda or just from being a mage. The worst you can say is to question if someone who follows the Qun is scared of mages and everyone looks at you like you’re crazy for asking that. And the other way around doesn’t apply either. No Qunari hold particular prejudice against you for being a Tevinter mage. Taash’s mom seems to not like Tevinter mages in a codex entry but she doesn’t say anything to you or Taash about it. The Butcher doesn’t even hold it against you! People have made a lot out of no one being prejudiced against elves which is true but it also applies the other way around. There really is very little mistrust of you as a human Tevinter mage by any elves. The only pushback I remember getting is being asked if you will respect the halla which seems to be more about you not being an elf than anything else. Any sexism also seems to be mostly brushed under the rug. When you talk to Tarquin he tells you that he was told by his father that to be a man he needed to be in the military. That mostly tracks with what we know about Tevinter. It’s a little more trans accepting than it was according to Krem but I can buy that Tevinter has started accepting trans men in the military in the last decade. He then goes on to ask a female Shadow Dragon Rook why they aren’t in the military and you can’t even bring up how women’s roles in the military are very restrictive. You don’t bring up anything about gender roles in Tevinter even though according to the lore they are more rigid than in the South and men hold nearly all of the leadership positions. You can’t bring up how it may be difficult for Tevinter to accept a woman as Archon since as far as I know all of the previous Archons have been men.

There’s some background mentions of how life is difficult for certain groups in certain places but we never see it or even hear specifics. We hear that there’s slavery in Tevinter and it’s hard to be an elf but we don’t see it and a Shadow Dragon Rook seems shocked that the Venatori are engaging in human trafficking. We hear life is difficult for mages in Treviso but we never see or hear about it after one line.

This isn’t a Veilguard exclusive problem it seems to be an issue in a lot of media today that there’s this total unwillingness to deal with anything controversial or difficult. I think they’re trying to respond to feedback about how people didn’t like the way in which sensitive things were handled in media in the past but it seems like the way most are choosing to handle it is by not dealing with it at all? Or flattening out characters like in HOTD where in response to the criticism about how Dany was handled they’ve decided that now women have no ambition or capacity for evil or violence and they are all purely good but also have zero agency whatsoever.

I know a lot of people prefer this and like all of their media to be escapist with no bad things happening in it but I personally prefer when difficult things are handled as long as they’re handled with care. I personally don’t subscribe to the belief that by depicting something you are inherently endorsing it. Anyway it’s fine if you disagree and I hope I don’t sound like a chud who just wants to be racist in games, I’d be fine if Rook couldn’t express these views but it’s just a bit strange to me that no one holds these views anymore in Thedas.

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

That one "lesbian" anon. Trans guy now. And really, really into the idea of domming + topping monster women as an elf dude? Me again. Thought about your prompt about gender and monsterfucking... and it makes me think really hard.

There was something inherently alienating about being a lesbian living in a religious, homophobic, and transphobic country, all the while living with a family that don't support you, and only having fellow queer friends who more often than not misunderstand you.

I read a LOT of yuri but thanks to my predatory lesbian guilt, I have always felt detached to it. Seeing women love each other is healing but I never saw myself in them. I always feel like I am too beastly of a human to ever be the pure and lovely women depicted in these stories.

For a while I knew I had a hunch that I am transmasc since everything about it resonates deeply with me... But most transmasc media makes me feel incredibly dysphoric because most of it caters to bottoms (which makes me feel awful). Nothing wrong with it, just different people having different triggers/turn-ons. So I thought "oh okay maybe I am a fake transmasc and I should just keep on with this gender". I thought my gender exploration stops there.

And then.

Human/Elf Men x Monster Women hentai came inti my life. Fuck.

It counters my predatory lesbian guilt through depicting women with power and agency, or depicting women who are just as beastly if not more than the protagonist fucking them. And to top it off? I feel incredible resonance and validation from projecting myself to the men in these works... It made me realize "oh I AM transmasc I just want to have a dick, look like a guy/twink, and actually use said dick oooohhh".

It is SO SCARY to have "top" thoughts since I HATE "initiating" anything due to how I feel about myself (beastly, evil). But these men are fucking women who could just fold them or bite them or chew them if she wants to and yet she *lets* them so its . its so comforting . to be accepted .

for once i do not feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. i am not afraid of the dangers of my own heart. i am not afraid of my own claws *because she has even bigger ones*. her sharp teeth could easily tear my dick off yet she sucks it with care. do you understand???

im kind of zooted out so this might not make sense but goodness

monsterfucking has helped me navigate some of my worst guilts regarding sexuality and gender.

sure, there is still little transmasc top x monster women stuff but uugghh i dont mind reading hetslop either because i can just imagine the guys as trans BECAUSE I SAY SO. if monsters can exist so can impossible bottom surgery. im rigjt

.

[riley-writes]

Damaged Goods (Dhawan!Master x GN!Reader)

Hi! It’s been soooo long. Grad school will be the death of me. Enjoy this fic that I wrote instead of studying for an exam I’ll take in less than 36 hours that determines whether I graduate or not. This was more fun though. Please excuse any typos I proofread this once and now I have to go study to prove that I can be a professional at hearing people's worst memories while helping them be okay

Dhawan!Master x GN!Reader

You’ve accepted your fate on a planet you don’t even know the name of after being left behind. The last person you expect to see is your ex-friend’s best enemy.

Notes: So reader is gender neutral but there’s a throwaway line that more aligns with the queer/trans experience, but could probably read as anyone who is an outsider or struggled to feel accepted. Enjoy babes!

Warnings: Reference to torture, brief SI language but no followthrough, angst, abandonment. The works.

This certainly wasn’t the way you’d expected to die. Well, that might not be exactly true. You had expected some kind of trouble that you and the fam got into would end in your demise, but foolishly you’d thought that maybe it would be quick.

This was not quick.

While on some godforsaken planet that you couldn’t remember the name of, the Doctor had managed to piss off another alien race, leading to you all fleeing to the TARDIS under heavy fire. And only you hadn’t made it on time.

At first, you’d been confident that the Doctor would come back and rescue you. But the first day passed, and then the second, and then the third, and then before you knew it, you’d been being tortured for… well, you didn’t know anymore. Hard to keep track when you have no clue how long you’ve been passed out for after getting the shit beaten out of you for not knowing where the Doctor had run off to. 

You weren’t really sure when you’d started resenting her for it–for leaving you behind. She and the fam had taken you in when no one else was there for you, when no one would accept you for who you were. You had no one back on Earth. And now you had no one period. It hurt. To be left behind and forgotten like a toy that had been broken and discarded.

And that’s what you were. Broken. You’d held onto your spirit for so long, but as you heard the barred door down the hall swing open, you realized that you just wanted it all to end. You just couldn’t take it anymore.

You didn’t look up as the door to your cell opened and someone was shoved to the ground, followed by the door slamming shut and locking once more.

“Oh come on boys, it was all in good fun!” said a familiar voice, causing your blood to run cold. You snuck a quick glance, and confirmed– yes, the Master had just been thrown into your cell. Unfortunately, your movement didn’t go unnoticed, and his head snapped in your direction. You quickly diverted your eyes, but the damage was done. You heard him tut and wander towards you, and your entire body tensed. 

“Now what is one of the Doctor’s little pets doing in a place like this? Lost, love?” he asked cruelly. You didn’t respond or look up, still curled in on yourself. He stepped closer and your body got impossibly more tense. Your lack of response encouraged him. “Waiting on your precious Doctor to come and save you?”

You couldn’t help but let out a quiet scoff at that, which egged him on further. “How long has she left you here to rot?” He made an irritated sound when you didn’t respond. “I asked you a ques–,” you saw him reaching for you.

“Don’t touch me!” you shouted, vaulting yourself away from him across the cell. You could feel yourself start to hyperventilate, breaths coming quicker and quicker. Yep, this was it. You were dying. The Master was frozen in place, an unreadable look on his face.

The only sound was your quick breathing. He took a step forward, and you pushed yourself into the corner as far as you could.

“Don’t…” you sobbed, terrified. The Master held his hands up and took another step forward as if he were approaching a wild animal. “Please,” you whispered.” He hesitated.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said after a moment. There was some emotion on his face that you couldn’t quite place– though that was reasonable, being that you hadn’t been in contact with anyone that had shown you anything but disgust and anger. Still, you didn’t relax.

“You need to breathe or you’re going to pass out. You humans are pathetic like that, only having one respiratory system,” he said with jest, and you let out a short laugh in shock. He took this as a good sign, because he slowly approached and knelt down next to you. He seemed to not quite know what to do, but settled on a gentle hand on your back as you steadied your breathing.

“Now. I’m going to go destroy every other being on this planet, and then we’ll leave. Consider this my good deed of this regeneration. Can’t be ruining my reputation now, can I?” he said quietly. You looked up in surprise, and were met with an intense gaze. You nodded, throwing your trust to someone who’d never shown you anything but disdain up until this moment. What did you have to lose?

And as you got on the Master’s TARDIS, you couldn’t help but wonder what life had in store for you next.

[velvetvexations]

I feel like a lot of the trans women saying that masculinity/manhood is always rewarded in everyone because patriarchy often forget that the opposite is true, actually, for people who are seen as women/put in the "woman" category.

Because yes, trans women are usually forced into manhood and "rewarded" for being men, and punished for being women. But that's not because manhood is universally rewarded in everyone, but because partriarchy sees having been born with a penis as "man".

It also sees being born with a vagina as "woman", and every deviation from that is *also* punished.

Yes, people who are seen as women/girls may have more freedom in expression of gender (depending on where they are from. I hate when ppl act like people afab everywhere can just dress like men without punishment. There are so many countries with laws on what "women" (and those treated as women because of their agab) can wear, and if anyone believes for one second that breaking these laws is REWARDED in any way, they're so fucking deep in their own head and need to talk to someone from these countries) but that freedom was fought for by feminists! Feminists have fought to be simply just allowed to wear pants. It's ridiculous to look at how it is now (in the western world) and make conclusions on that without looking at *why* it is that way now and how it was before.

And people are usually expected to grow out of their tomboy-"phase" by the time they reach their late teens, or early twenties at latest, and become a feminine woman, wife, and mother. If you don't do that, your masculinity gets punished.

And the masculinity of people afab is also only (begrudgingly) accepted (in SOME places in the world) as long as they're still visible as women or girls and their masculinity is hot and serves cishet men. As soon as they step "too far" out of these roles (by being non-binary or men, or being "ugly", fat, or anything that would make them "undesirable"), their masculinity gets punished. Horribly.

It's really infuriating when (trans)radfem trans women try to act like their experiences are universal and whenever someone says something that disagrees with them, they must be lying or "delusional" (yay, ableism! so progressive /s) for thinking that they were, in fact, punished for their masculinity or manhood...

Sorry for unloading this on you, didn't know where else to put it. And thank you so much for listening.

I think a major issue here is that no matter how much we try to reason things out and work through why they act the way they do, radical feminism, trans or cis, ultimately comes down, at some point, to a deliberate decision to prioritize egocentrism and their own desires over seeing other people as real, actual people - not even other transfems, who they just sexualize and try to control, or call a TERF if they can't. And it's hard to reason with that.

Like, they have to know on some level that they hyperinflate trans women in particular being "socially murdered"* to use as social capital and terrorize younger** transfems into isolating themselves. Maybe a very long time ago for some of them it came from the distress they felt from the legitimately immense danger transfems face in a variety of contexts, but they've shot far beyond that now and just don't really care. They've built a cage of unreality around themselves that makes me feel like I'm talking to aliens.

Like the other day, I was talking to one who insisted that the tee-em-ees will not show up for me. Like, I said they did, and she said they won't, and I was like, but they DO! They have! Always! I've seen it with my own eyes, directly for me specifically! But it was just "who hurt you," "let yourself be angry," "don't settle for just scraps," "they won't treat you better if you throw yourself at their feet," "social murder," and it's like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE? WAS THIS A DREAM YOU HAD?

And what about the deliberately cruel fuckery, the constant derision of the most petty things like forcemasc? What the fuck do they get out of wrongly asserting that women are never punished for masculinity and never have a problem with being viewed as masculine, like why are they doing that, what is their goal? Because it seems like it's literally just "mock and invalidate the sexual interests of others and deem it an inferior copy of our thing."

What do they get out of misgendering cis and trans men for forcefem funsies and telling them to suck it up? They don't really believe that their forcefem joke is the only thing that might make an egg crack. That's extremely obviously a lie. They're doing it because they want to, because it's their kink, because they don't care about the feelings of other people, and they can use transmisogyny as a convenient defense when people ask them to moderate literally any of their behavior for the comfort of everyone else to literally any extent while demanding everyone else shut up and defer to them on every single topic in every single situation.

And this stuff with D20 and Ophiuchus and the transmasc character being treated better? A lie. Just fully making it up. Inventing it. Fabricating it. For attention.

I've never had one acknowledge it when I've tried to explain that I first learned about all of this from transmasc friends bringing it to me so they could defer to my opinion.

They're determined to stay like this. It sucks.

*truly a phrase that makes me livid to even think about now, they reduce it to about the same level of seriousness as forcefem jokes, every single time it's so thoughtlessly hollow and self-obsessed but you could guess that from it being a fair description of every thought they externalize

**let me make this clear, I'm referring to young adults, I am not accusing anyone of being predatory towards minors nor am I saying the motivations are necessarily sexual anyway, although clearly transradfems don't care about the effect their hyperbole will have on the mental health of minors exposed to it and trained from a young age to never trust anyone, so underage transfems are very much a concern here, but not in the sense that they're being directly and personally abused in any way

[welcome-back-to-hoimycraf]

hi eef. look i voted fwhip i voted for your trans guy and now i am humbly requesting some skizzpulse,,

WELL GUESS WHO WROTE YOU SOMETHING FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY AFTER UM. 4 MONTHS.. BITCH /aff

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VINEYYYYYYY <333333

Today was supposed to be a normal day.

Skizz had woken up on time, got a good start on his pyramid, he even remembered to eat- twice! Something he was notoriously bad at remembering due to his forgetfulness about how often humans have to eat. Things were going great- were supposed to be going great, that is. Until he ran out of materials. 

The angel scowled at his inventory, deeply offended by the lack of black concrete in it. Did he seriously forget to pick up some more before getting to work? Well, it was no biggie. He’d stop by the shopping district, maybe say hi to a few of the hermits, retrieve his prize, and all would go smoothly from there. 

He unfurled his wings from his back to ascend upwards in one smooth motion. Sure, Skizz felt a little guilty leaving Shingles behind in favor of flying, but it’d just be one quick trip! No use tiring out the poor guy just for an errand. At least, that’s the excuse Skizz told himself.

The shopping district had expanded since the last time he’d seen it. From his eagle eye perspective, Skizz could pick out some new construction moving along. There even seemed to be a street forming, people deciding to add on to Bdubs’ shop rather than spread out. The angel’s chest filled with a fuzzy giddiness at the thought of the little community he’d been allowed into. Each hermit had accepted him with such open arms, despite some not even knowing him. It was heartwarming, to say the least. 

Oh, and speaking of Bdubs’ shop, there seemed to be company. 

A small group had formed outside of the fledgling shops. Gem seemed to be constructing a new building next to Bdubs’, if the half-formed facade with her style written all over it had anything to say. Her and Bdubs were chatting, and it looked like Cleo had joined in on the fun. Of course, Etho was never far behind any of the three, so their presence was no surprise. 

“Wassup, homie buddehs?” Skizz touched down a bit away, folding his wings against his back and trotting up to the group in a jog. “Sorry to interrupt- anyone know where a guy can get some concrete around here?”

“I think False has the concrete permit,” Etho hummed, scratching their chin through their mask. “Don’t think she’s done anything permanent with it yet, but I saw her setting up a stall the other day if you’d like to check it out.” 

“Oh, you’re the best! Thanks, man,” Skizz clapped Etho on the shoulder, probably a little too hard with the way they stumbled a bit. Skizz was about to apologize, when he was interrupted by a voice behind him. 

“What happened to your neck?” 

The angel glanced over to find Gem giving him a pointed look of disgust.

“Uh- what do you mean?” Skizz looked down as if he could see his neck, rubbing his hands across it to look for anything inconsistent. He didn’t spill anything on himself, did he?

An eruption of laughter started up from Bdubs as he seemingly noticed whatever Gem had pointed out. At least Etho still looked confused. 

“What?!” Skizz squawked, getting more and more impatient by the second. Why was everyone laughing at him! 

Cleo paused in her snickering to gasp for breath, pointing a finger at Skizz’s left shoulder. “Got a bit of a hickey there- well, maybe a bit more than a hickey.” They snorted, wiping a tear from their eye.

Skizz puzzled at that. He didn’t remember getting a hickey, and he certainly had been alone last night when he last looked in the mirror. 

Thankfully, the reflective glass of Gem’s shopfront wasn’t far. Skizz stopped in front of it, twisting and turning in an attempt to find whatever “hickey” the group had seen. 

Well, it was pretty obvious. 

Skizz craned his neck to get a better view of the bright red teeth marks on the junction between his left shoulder and upper back. It looked like the wound had been deep, and he immediately recognized its origin. 

“Ohhhhh!” Skizz facepalmed in realization, a chuckle bubbling from his chest. He turned back to the group, pointing at the scar. “This is from Impulse!”

“I think we got that,” Gem deadpanned, mimicking a gag. 

Skizz rolled his eyes. “No- I don’t mean like that, Gem! I mean-”

“Uh, huh, sure,” Etho nodded along, clearly not believing him. Their eyes had crinkled up at the ends, betraying the grin they hid behind their mask. 

Skizz fumbled his words for a moment before landing on, “You guys suck!”   The man spread his wings and took off again before he could embarrass himself further. Impulse has got to be more careful around his zombie spawner.

thank you to @deityoftherain for the idea and @itzmasic for betaing :D

[lotusrhys]

OC Meme: Angel "Rook" de Riva

GENERAL

Name: Angel de Riva

Alias(es): Rook

Gender: Male (Trans)

Age: 20

Place of birth: Somewhere in Tevinter

Spoken languages: Trade and some Antivan, on top of basic Elvhen.

Sexual orientation: Pansexual

Occupation: Veilguard Leader, Crow Assassin

FAVOURITE

Colour: Blue, the color of Viago's eyes.

Entertainment: He loves watching Viago work on his poisons and also naming them, he loves puns and so does Viago.

Pastime: He enjoys drinking, sparring, sex and frankly, he enjoys the Crow contracts - he gets to dish out violence and it's justified.

Food: Even though he doesn't know how to cook many things, he knows the basic to not starve. Does not enjoy wasting food, will eat anything as long it's minimally edible (unlike most people, he likes Harding's cooking).

Drink: Loves coffee (dark cherry blend is his favorite) and loves distilled spirits, hates wine (thinks it takes too many wine glasses to get drunk).

Books: Read functional books while he was studying with the Crows, but isn't particularly fond of reading. He does pick a novel up when Lucanis starts to talk excitedly about it, however.

HAVE THEY

Passed university: He's a full fledged Crow, 8 years until he graduated and received (in my Antidote AU, Crows receive a Crow dagger for their graduation) his graduation gift.

Had sex: With more women than he can count, less than 5 men in total. But he's definitely been around and treated sex like a sport.

Had sex in public: Yes, but it was forced.

Gotten tattoos: His mother had her Vallasin, but that was from a life with a Dalish clan before she met his father and ran away with him. Angel has tattoos, but they're self-inflicted almost, except for his Crow tattoo on his right calf of an Adder.

Gotten piercings: Pierced ears with a cross earring and simple hoop earrings on the upper part of his ear.

Had a broken heart: Twice. Both were Crow men.

Been in love: Thrice. Only 2 times went well for Angel.

ARE THEY

A cuddler: He's fond of physical touch, yes, but he associates most of it to sex. So when Lucanis is hesitant to even cuddle with Angel, he's frustrated and confused.

Scared easily: Fear keeps him grounded, but sometimes his anxiety takes over and he's a mess. He usually bottles it up until it explodes.

Jealous easily: He's jealous when it comes to affection, but not in a toxic way. He's poly, even though in my universe, he doesn't name it. He's fine with Viago having a relationship with Teia and would be fine if Lucanis wanted a relationship with another person.

Trustworthy: He tends to lie often to hide his feelings, but he is a trustworthy person. He's loyal to the people he's committed to.

FAMILY

Sibling(s): None. His mother would've never had him if she had the choice.

Parents: His father sold him to the Crows after Angel accidentally killed his mother. She hated him because he was a constant reminder of the Dalish Clan she left behind. She resented him and tried to kill him with a kitchen knife. Angel was faster. His father dies of old age while Angel is away in his exile, he inherits the family house.

Children: Angel gets pregnant once during the Antidote AU and Viago helps him with a poison, an abortion of sorts. Caterina doesn't accept the fact that Angel won't give her an heir, but Lucanis is firm in saying they can adopt. They adopt a little boy in the future called Diego.

Pets: He doesn't have his own space just yet to have pets, but he's amenable to having cats and snakes (Viago and Lucanis already have a pet snake each, he doesn't mind, thinks they're cute).

I will tag some people, just because this is fun af.

@starlightsupernovae @tomhenks @turidtorkilsdottir @apothe-cary @thechosendhova @kaeoticneutral @chaosfay-plays @vixenofcadmea

[diaphin93]

The worst is that those Edelgard haters are bigoted ( misogyny is a very important part of it, but there's also so much casual racism, ableism and queerphobia, but I'm sure you've seen this better than I did :/ ) but they often believe themselves to not be, and so many of them try to make them like they're actually the one fighting bigotry.

For example, Edelgard has the biggest queer fanbase out of all the house leader and appear outside of the fire emblem fandom in sapphic online space ( hell she even had an irl drag performance ). But they can't really acknowledge that, because that would make them look bad.

So they pretend that actually the huge majority of Edelgard fan are straight men... But to pretend that, they have to play with reality. Edeleth is getting reposted really often in yuri reddit community ? That's because those community are actually all straight men fetishizing wlw. Edelgard is the only canonical bi lord? That's because they wanted to attract those straight men fetishizing wlw, so it's actually terrible male-gazey represention. Edelgard fanfiction are by the HUGE majority written by sapphic women? They'll conveniently only attack the one man that got his F!Edeleth fanfic popular. That guy actually has mostly sapphic and often trans reader? They don't mention it. He often talk about his own queer headcanon or analysis himself? They'll make shitty post on how those hcs or analysis are actually queerphobic.

And that's the same for sexism, racism and ableism. Edelgard is a character made for white straight men, so she's bad for minorities despite her own traits diverging from the norm: she's an acceptable target when you pretend to be against bigotry. Her fans are all white straight men, so they're acceptable target when you pretend to be against bigotry. ( And funnily enough, they never acknowledge when a non-negligible part of the fandom they're in, like Dimitri and Rhea, are full of straight white men )

But that's the problem, the huge logical issues they try so hard to bury, is that we're not actually white straight men. It's so alienating to have them talk about the bad white straight fans of Edelgard, while at the interacting with people like us. Like, did any of your detractors even ever genuinely acknowledged when you, a woman, accused them of incel like behavior without immediately scoffing at the accusation? Did they ever acknowledge that uncomfortable place of minorities in the Edelgard discourse, like they do so often with Rhea or Dimitri to portray themselves as fighter against bigotry?

They erase minorities in the fandom, but they pretend to fight for them.

And the worst is that they don't even really fight against bigotry in the fandom at all. There's so many racist, queerphobe, ableist, misogynist in part of the fandom like the Blue Lions. Hell some of them are very openly conservative or far-right! But they'll never attack those.

Even in the Edelgard community, where we do have small group of vocal straight white bigoted men like in Reddit... They don't actually do anything to them! Those guys are often just as busy fighting F!Edeleth and sapphic women in the community as they are engaged in the discourse. And the Edelgard haters, well, they don't like F!Edeleth and honestly they don't like sapphic women who like Edelgard either, so they have no interest in fighting them. Because they don't actually care about bigotry, they just want to shit on the character they dislike, not so rarely for bigoted reason on their own.

Hey, thanks for the message and sorry that I'm replying so late, started to write this up and then got distracted alot. And I feel you. I think many aspects of this whole Edelgard discourse and fandom Drama surrounding it are very symptomatic with issues in fandom in general, that can often be very hostile towards lesbians and sapphics in particular, due to the strong androcentrism that is visible across Fandoms. I think FE3H in this way represents somewhat of a microcosm of Fandom in on itself, due to the fact that Edelgard early on established herself as a fav of Sapphic and Yuri-centric communities inside Fandom, her most favored ships being w/w with m/w ships always being somewhat of a niche.

Like, Edelgards strong presence in the fandom as well as the preference of sapphic relationships surrounding her is quite an anomaly inside fandom which isn't very often seen and in my opinion the result of a perfect storm. I think what partially plays into it is probably t he way 3 Houses is structured, with the eponymous 3 Houses front and center and a chose your own Lord approach, which creats very much a faction system with this game and with it, encourages the development of communities centered around supporting their chosen Lord and House inside the broader fandom of 3 Houses. And the Black Eagles are just perfectly set up to draw out a strong sapphic and yuri fanbase for itself. There is naturally Edelgard as the central female Lord of the game herself, but I think what cemented it is having Dorothea next to her. Both of them are not only part of the, sadly rather small, cast of confirmed and unambigiously canonical queer characters with the ability to marry either Byleth, they also are themselves written in a way that would naturally draw sapphic audiences. Edelgard alone already fits right into typical tastes of both sapphic audiences and the more decicated fandom, being a canonically queer woman who serves as the central protagonist of her playable route and not only subverts traditional writing with her dominant, brunt and guarded personality, but also acts as a morally nuanced character with motivations strongly centered around the revolution against an oppressive religious institution and a heavy hitting backstory centered around themes of loss of abuse, loss of bodily autonomy and societal vilification. It doesn't hurt that her initial students uniform also strongly invokes an association to Utena if you look at her, even if it may happen unconsciously, who stands as one of the definitive icons of queer women and sapphic centric story telling inside japanese media. Her role is also close to the villainess genre, which is highly centered around a critical lense on the way female character usually are vilified and reclaiming them as empowered feminist symbols, often through the heroine subverting the predetermined narrative that sets them up against each other and chosing female solidarity and companionship with the villainess, which is basically the plot of the Black Eagles Route. The Narrative tries you to force siding against Edelgard and only through claiming authority and deepening their bond to Edelgard, can they defy it and side with her. With Dorothea, we probably have the most feminist character in the history of Fire Emblem, whose themes center highly around objectification and misogyny she faced in what hs implicitely a clearly patriachal society.

Both of them also have strong supports with the other two female members of the Black Eagles, whose personal themes go deep into patriachal abuse, misogyny and anxiety as well as xenophobia, imperialism and the loss of autonomy, both on a personal and national level. Them having these strong bonds with other women, but also female characters outside the Black Eagles, like Edelgard with Lysithea and Dorothea through their shared Paralogie with Ingrid, even if the laters support line is sadly cut short, creats an in short ideal set up a strong w/w centric community around the Black Eagles. With the Black Lions, with its extreme androcentrism, focus on male bonds and traditional Bishonen Design, drawing the traditional Yaoi but also het crowd, we have also a male supporting class who have strong queer subtext with each other, while also drawing in more non-conventional m/m shippers. Especially Ferdibert, due to Huberts more striking non-Bishonen features.

Sorry for the deranged long tangent and going so much offtopic, but I think it was interesting to go a bit into the factors that in my opinion lead to Edelgard and the Black Eagles having an by far above average w/w representation and appeal against the typical trend we see in more general non-female or sapphic centered media. And honestly, I think this is part of where the hatred comes from, because Edelgard and the Black Eagles just tick every box, but in a game that also features your typical straight white heterosexual with yaoi-bait possible Protagonist that draws Fandom attention, to which she stands in opposition. So it invokes hostility and ire, because it ultimately reveals the very centrist to conservative milktoast comforts of Fandoms that try to present themselves as bastions of progressive values and queer representation, when alot of m/m is less than an authentic representation of queerness and most often written around the comfort and gratification of a mostly cishet and in the case of western fandom also very white audience (look at how for example the m/m fandom on the Blue Lions side shuns Dimidue in favor of Dimilix, despite a much more tender relationship that can be read as romantic by the former). So they need to recontextualize Edelgard and her Fandom as actually not queer, as rightwing and reactionary but also engaging in the tactic of it being at one hand oppressively powerful and hostile but on the other hand also a niche delusional group that misreads the entire story. It is all to justify their own more conservative or centrist comfort zones and androcentrism, against a queer feminist Icon.

Though I think especially on Tumblr, what also goes into it is this need to recontextualize fandom into activism. We see this alot with m/m fandoms for example, where, what is male on male stories written not for a queer audience but for cishetero female consumption first and foremost, is treated as the forefront of gay activism. I mean, we saw it with the whole SuleMio vs Destiel Drama here, didn't we? Where bitter Destiel fans expressed the view that their Supernatural ship was actually a major influence in the push for queer representation and acceptance, up to claiming yuri gundam from japan owes everything to some male-centered buffy rip-off that featured less explicit queer representation than its predecessor did at the turn of the millenium. In 3 Houses, we also see this as treating opposition to Edelgard as some form of activism, framing her goals as imperialist or outright colonialist in nature and making the divine whiter than white dragon people who are the immortal progeny of a dragon goddess into a representation of every real marginalized ethnic group on earth...in a game that eschews racial allegories in favor of actually depicting xenophobia, colonialism and genocide against human PoC characters. Many of these arguments actually reveal how Edelgards detractors are basically just performative progressive activists focussing their advocacy on wars against fictional european-inspired powers inside a game, while also clearly just repeating leftist words that they picked up without an understanding of their contemporary political context. Again offtopic, but using terms such as imperialism in its contemporary political context or even worse, colonialism, for wars of conquest and ideals between fictional nations inspired by medieval european kingdoms and empires is asinine.

As you also hinted at Captain Flash, I think there is also a hugh double standart towards male yuri fans which bothers me. First off is blanked hostility and accusations of fetishization towards these groups always linked by transphobic collateral, due to how many closeted sapphic transfems first explore their identity and sexuality through the safe confines of w/w fiction and especially Yuri and this kind of rhetoric will inevitably damage eggs. Secondly is it hypocritical as it often comes from white cisheterosexual women who center their media consumption around the blatant objectification and fetishization of male queerness, with the Yaoi Genre having a shit ton of homophobic, heteronormative, misogynist and transphobic baggage. It also shows a clear lack of knowledge and insight into the culture surrounding Yuri in general, with these kinds of detractors usually projecting issues inside the yaoi community onto yuri. Yuri, as a genre, just never had a split between male and female creators that queer male japanese fiction had, which was traditionally seperated into the female dominated yaoi and the male lead bara or gay comics genre. Sapphic women were always a driving presence both as creators and consumers of the Yuri genre and are very well capable of policing fandoms against fetishizing misogynistic influences. It doesn't even fit into consumption trends, gooners, to name them very bluntly, don't engage with fanfiction, yuri asa broader yuri or shipping discourse, they are much more pragmatic in getting off and just straight up jump into porn.

I think its especially nefarious if we look at the queer community surrounding Edelgard. I mean, Monica at this point could be a transbian icon, because I have seen so many trans women strongly identify with her and build their fandom identity around her, because they can immerse themselves so deeply into her love and appreciation for Edelgard due to her being such an important comfort character for them. Edelgards most passionate fans are often also among the most vulnerable people inside this fandom, who feel inspired and comforted by her. Hell, even Captain Flash, who is often heavily slandered by Edelcritical crowds for the crime of writing a f!Edeleth fanfic often expressed in his authors notes how important and comforting Edelgard is to him, due to his own history of trauma and health issues.

Though I will also say, I'm against the idea of pushing the entire Blue Lions Fandom under the Bus and villify all of them. And even if I did just write some accusatory shit against Yaoi Fans, there is no understatement that in this case I talk about problematic trends I noticed inside the broader fandom discourse as well as the subsection of Yaoi Fans who engage over and over again in hostility against lesbians. At this point, I don't really think the people you complain about, which bother me alot myself, are really a majority of Blue Lions and Dimitri Fans, they are just very loud, pushy and aggressive and are good in talking as if they have any authority (look for example at this asshole who goes into his large somewhat orientalist and overall just stretching interpretations of the games supposedly deep buddhist themes and characterizes Edelgard as some evil seductress due to his own misogyny and media illiteracy). We shouldn't forget that Dimitri for many is just as much of a comfort character and inspiration as Edelgard is for her fans, due to his themes of trauma, mental illness, redemption and forgiveness which resonate strongly with them and their lived situation. I also think the very loud edelcrit community really worked towards poisening the waters and radicalize discourse, but overall I would personally assume that the majority of Dimitri Fans can understand and appreciate Edelgard as what she is in the confines of his route, a well-intentioned antagonist who in their point of view goies to far in her ambitions and whose ideals are irreconcilable with Dimitris. Which is true from the point of view AM operates on, just as Dimitri for an Edelgard Fan represents a good man who has fallen victim to the System and its manipulators Edelgard fights against. Theirs is a conflict of opposing ideals and perspective and I would say its where the game manages to execute its themes of connections and outreach as well as differing perspectives the best. Like, normal Blue Lions Fans ultimately agree with what Edelgard wants to archieve, because their reading is that Dimitri wants to archieve the same, they personally prefer his approach and road towards that goal. I think this is a point where people should be able to have fun with heated discussions but ultimately agree to disagree, its a very subjective matter ultimately.

Actually, I would say the worst detractors and most toxic individuals of the community are probably the church of seiros fans and the "Rhea did nothing wrong" crowd. Like, they can be among Dimitri, Claude or Rhea Fans, but those are usually those who try to force their own rather reactionary interpretations onto the community and engage often in rather racist, religious apologetics and pro-eugenics as well as pro-feudalism talking points and have this weird disdain for humans and human autonomy & liberation, as if they really immerse themselves mostly into the fantasy of being from some superior race, lol. Most of them have rather twisted and messed up interpretations of the world and the story which they are adamant about and usually they build their interpretation of the game around what they want it to be, namely being very pro-theocracy, anti-liberation and espousing the idea that humans need divine immortal beings to lead them, as well as often also being super Pro-Crest. I mean, one of the most infamous Edelcrit Fanfics is basically just full on pro-theocracy, pro-feudalism and pro-eugenics. Usually they have a strong hate boner against Hopes because it really ruins their personal headcanons of what the game is, lol. And I think many of them seem to have strongly jumped to the Engage bandwagon, which is closer to what they want out of 3 Houses, playing the idea of a divine dragon ruler straight and justified feudal bloodlines straight.

But yeah, I think I went into quite a few tangents here, I hope it doesn't bother you. If you have any more asks you can hit me up. Ultimately, I call them out when they engage in Incel and Misogynist behavior and otherwise just clown on these trolls. Its also just sad in a way, because its clear, that they constructed this idea of what they think the game is in their heads and everything that came out after te initial release of the game contradicts it.