#she'll give you a B for an attempt

[incandescentia]

For the nickname thing, I think Django would call Tsuyuko stuff like "little lady" or something silly like "Tsu-Tsu".

𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 / 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞 -> accepting

“Eh. Can you make up something better for me, ossan?” Acting as whimsical as usual, the vixen reacts with a visible pout — demanding him to think up for a better nickname, or else. “Nice job for trying, but I’d rather be called with something else… like Tsuyuko the Elegant, or maybe ‘Your Majesty’... That’ll suffice!”

@puckish-rogue

[sage-nebula]

I've watched pretty much all of Jenny Nicholson's videos (despite not being into most of the things she's into) for a variety of reasons, but one of the reasons I watch her content is because I think that she seems like a truly stand-up kind of person. Of course, given that she is a person creating content for YouTube, we're only allowed to see the version of herself that she wants us to see. I'm under no illusions about that. But the version of herself that she presents to us, the viewers, seems to be a person who is not only genuinely passionate about the things she discusses (and honest about why she'll hold back on discussing certain topics when fans of those topics can be awful about it), but also who considers the experiences of (for lack of a better phrase) the average person when it comes to the theme parks and other experiences that she reviews.

Three specific instances come to mind: one from the Evermore video, and then two from her most recent Star Wars hotel video. (Side note: she was so, so right that Disney marketing is stupid as hell for not letting influencers et cetera use the common names for things. The average person doesn't know what "Galactic Starcruiser" is, but will understand "Star Wars hotel." Get it together, Disney.)

In the Evermore video, Jenny talks about how she emailed Evermore Park ahead of her visit to try to get more information prior to her visit. Things like whether there was a dress code, what she could expect when she arrived there, information that should have been readily available on the website but wasn't. She mentions that she could have mentioned that she's an influencer and that she probably would have gotten a response (because they never emailed her back), but that she deliberately chose not to.

"So I did attempt to email ahead of my visit, trying to ask basic questions about the park and inquire about renting it out. When I did that, I was intentionally vague; I didn't link my channel, and I didn't use my primary email. And I sort of suspect that if I had done the whole influencer song and dance -- said my channel name, my subscriber count -- I might've had better access to the park, and perhaps even a better experience. But that wasn't the point. I didn't want to call ahead. I'm the mystery diner! I'm the undercover boss! If you can't deliver an equivalently good experience for all guests, that's on you and your business." [x]

Then, in the Star Wars hotel video, there were two instances in which Jenny had to reach out to Disney customer support for assistance, and received absolutely nothing in return. The first was when she paid for a photo taking service, but had absolutely no photos taken of her. When she reached out to Disney customer support for a refund, they refused to give her said deserved refund. The second instance was when she had purchased a large droid figure from the hotel, and had it shipped to her house via the Disney shipping service. The Disney shipping service inputted her address incorrectly (in fact I think she says they put in a completely different address altogether), so her droid was lost. Once again she reached out to Disney customer support to find out what she could do about this expensive item she had purchased, only to be told that they couldn't do anything to help her.

In both cases, Jenny took to twitter to post about how Disney was refusing to a.) issue her a refund for a service she paid for but never received, and b.) help her receive an item she'd paid for but never received. Both times, Disney reached out immediately, issued her the refund, and overnighted her lost item. Jenny correctly identifies that they only did this because she's an influencer with a large twitter following, and has this to say in the video:

"They didn't even ask for my phone number. Like someone at Disney just did the legwork to go into the database, look up my booking info, find my phone number and then call me within a day of the tweet going out. And the person who called me was really nice, and I'm thankful he cared to resolve it. BUT, I just always feel very cynical when I try to resolve issues through the appropriate channels available to all customers and nobody will help me until they find out I'm an 'influencer.' I spoke with several other guests who got [the photo taking service] and had the exact same problems as me, and they never got refunds." [x]

And

"But then after I tweeted about it on my twitter account with a lot of followers, Disney suddenly resolved it and they sent me a replacement. They actually overnighted it to me. And along with it they sent a lot of miscellaneous goodies which I really appreciated. So here again, I feel if this had happened to anyone without a lot of twitter followers, they would have had a significantly more frustrating experience." [x]

I feel that this post will probably read as giving Jenny kudos for doing the bare minimum. And I think that on some level, that's true. But it's true because nowadays, many influencers won't even do the bare minimum. They would have Disney immediately issue them a refund, or overnight the droid to them with the additional goodies, and then make posts gushing about how great Disney's customer service is, despite knowing full well that the (again for lack of a better term) average person who doesn't have a huge internet following would never receive that kind of support from Disney. Similarly with Evermore, most influencers would call ahead and flex their follower count to try to get a bespoke experience to then show on their channels. They wouldn't want the same experience everyone else gets. That won't generate good content, in their eyes, and besides, they're better than that. Don't you know who they are?

But Jenny, despite her follower counts, keeps it real. Yes, she appreciates that Disney did give her the deserved refund and did send her the droid + gifts. But she also points out, both times, that if she'd been a person without a large twitter following, they would not have done that, and people in the exact same position she was with the photo service didn't get their deserved refunds. With Evermore, she didn't call ahead because she DOES want the same experience everyone else gets. She wants to be able to give a genuine review. Whether that review is positive or negative is dependent on the business itself.

Again, this probably seems like giving Jenny kudos for the bare minimum of decency. And I agree that on some level it is. But I also think that, in today's day and age, we really don't get that with a lot of influencers, who are in it for the sponsorship money (and who get their egos way inflated), and so it's nice to have a reviewer / theme park influencer who is honest with her opinions, and who recognizes that yeah, Disney did give her special treatment, but that it shouldn't have been special treatment, that they should be helping all of their guests like this, through the normal channels that she tried using, and they are a shit company for not doing that.

I just really appreciate Jenny.

[yesimwriting]

Understanding

Part 2:  Untethered  

A/n the reader in this is not the same reader as the one from my aemond fic, they just have a similar background for plot (and bc i love rhaenyra's child x alicent's child trope, it's so montagues and capulets)

Summary: After speaking to his mother and small council, Aegon begins to doubt the unspoken understanding between himself and Rhaenyra's intended heir, who agreed to be taken by the greens in exchange for her brother's life.

Warnings: there are some plot deviations (mainly the implication that aegon and helaena are not married), the whole ethical 'dating someone you're technically holding hostage' dilemma, and canon compliant incest

----

The groan of the floorboards takes its time floating through your apartments, the sound so soft you don't even stir.

Aegon sighs. You've been a ridiculously heavy sleeper since childhood. He can still recall the way you'd leave these very apartments for breakfast, hair unbrushed and eyes drowsy. He dismisses the thought as he takes another step forward. You're no longer a princess with the luxury of leisure. You're staying in what you consider 'enemy territory'. One would think you'd have the decency to struggle to find sleep. If nothing else, the decency to miss him.

He swallows. Thoughts of the corner of your mouth tugging itself into a smile you didn't mean to share, of your gentle whispers felt more than heard in the darkness, of the warmth of your fingertips dragging against his skin have plagued him since he left you this morning. Aegon has not been able to release you from his mind, and here you are, perfectly content without him in a room you are only allowed access to because of his favor.

If you continue to indulge her, she'll never feel like a prisoner. The echo of his mother's words feel sharper than they should, a needle piercing his chest. Aegon had originally dismissed the sentiment. Despite the complicated nature of your presence here, the two of you have found a sort of rhythm. An inconvenient understanding.

So what if he offers you privileges that none of his half-sister's children should be allotted? You dismiss your instincts in favor of being there for him in a way no one else is. You talk; and you listen; and you lay next to him in the dark, your fingers tracing patterns against his arm until you fall asleep.

Aegon had never felt affronted by the casualness of your unspoken arrangement until his mother brought him back to reality. As long as you allow her to exist in this in between without asking for anything in return, she will remain loyal to her mother. A mother who is desperate enough to marry her off to secure alliances.

The floor creeks as he takes another step forward, this time the sound less dismissible. You shift, body twisting as you move from your stomach onto your side.

A pinprick of something akin to guilt dulls the beginning of his spiral. You mumble a sound that feels like a question. Aegon studies your movements as you wipe at your eyes. You lift your head slightly, eyes squinting in the darkness.

"Aegon?" Your features seem to ease, a hint of a smile pulling at your lips as you lift your head. "I didn't think you had time for me tonight."

There's a gentleness to your voice that leaves his stomach in knots. He's lapped at your affection like a wounded dog finally stumbling onto water. Has it all been a ploy?

If his silence affects your disposition, you give no indication of it. Instead, you beam at him before allowing yourself to slump onto your back. You pull at the blankets in an attempt to create space for him.

Aegon keeps his back to you as he sits. He takes his time laying down, one of his arms resting in the space between the two of you. Still half asleep, you reach for him. The back of your palm brushes against his wrist. You turn your hand over, fingers beginning their familiar path up his arm.

His eyes remain open, his attention set on the ceiling. You've yet to finish outlining his forearm before Aegon's turning his arm. The shift is subtle, more of an implication than an actual attempt at dismissing you. The subtlety of the movement is not enough to prevent your reaction. Despite his jokes and teasing comments, Aegon knows better than to do anything that offers you an opportunity to overthink about your your time alone together. There's a moment of stillness, and then your hand leaves him.

You turn onto your side, the weight of your stare making it nearly impossible for Aegon to remain still. "Are you--are you alright?" The question is cautious, tinged by an uncertainty that makes you sound smaller than you ever have before.

Have you ever experienced any type of rejection before? You're Rhaenyra's first born, her intended heir. The beloved princess, doted on by your mother, cared for by your supposed father, spoiled by your grandsire. His father's illness was never enough to keep him from you, the only child he had the strength to get out of bed for. You don't know what it's like to long for anything.

"We had an arrangement--an agreement." Aegon pushes himself away from you as he sits. You prop your head up, staring at him. Aegon cannot bring himself to look into your eyes. "That I'd be honest with you, and you'd be honest with me."

You sit up. "What?" You bend your knees, the sheets slipping down your legs. Aegon presses his nails into the skin of his palm. "I've--I've been honest. I've never lied to you."

The defense comes out so quick and innocent it nearly strips the accusation of any weight. It's a response that'd better suit a child caught stealing extra sweets or rough housing with a younger sibling.

He finally turns his head. The room's lack of light is not enough to diminish your wide eyes. You're radiating such innocence Aegon could choke on it. He's reminded of why he kept you at arm's length throughout your childhood. The good, perfect daughter. The future heir.

"You said your mother had no intentions of marrying you off. That you were not betrothed--"

"I'm not."

Aegon lets out a breath. "Then why did I have to spend most of my evening listening to my small council discuss your mother's latest potential alliances and addressing rumors about your mother's plan to marry you to some lord as a way of securing their support?"

You're quiet for a moment, hands clasped tightly around your knees. "I cannot help rumors." Some odd feeling gnaws at Aegon's stomach. "And you know that I haven't been home in some time. I can't control my mother anymore than you can control yours."

What a politically appropriate answer. He scoffs. "I find it difficult to believe that your mother would ever use you as a bargaining chip without--at the very least--mentioning it to you first."

If there's one thing that doesn't come naturally to you, it's deception. You tilt your chin downwards, your attention falling onto anything that isn't him.

Aegon reaches for your hand. You let him untangle your fingers. He pulls your hand forward, his thumb dragging against your knuckles. His hold on you tightens as he brings the back of your palm to his lips. A part of him is repulsed by how much he means the gesture.

He doesn't let go of you as he brings his hand back to the mattress. Aegon allows himself a moment to embrace the stillness, and then he's shifting forward. His available hand finds your shoulder. His weight presses against you, forcing you back until you're pinned against the headboard.

He holds his breath, waiting for some kind of protest, some insult or attempt to push him away. All you do is watch him, the slightest crease between your eyebrows. "Aegon."

"Tell me." Aegon's fingers press into your shoulder. "Tell me it isn't true and I will believe you. I want to believe you."

Your lips part, but you do not speak. An uncomfortable heat burns its way up his neck. "I--I did not lie." You hold his gaze. "I am not betrothed, but before I was brought here, my mother did mention that she was beginning to consider it."

All of the time he's spent indulging in your presence, living out some ridiculous fantasy of having your attention, believing everything you've told him--he's been nothing more than a fool.

"I wanted to mention it when you asked, but I was..." Your voice wavers. "Honestly, I was afraid."

His gaze falls downwards, his eyes unintentionally landing on your lips. "Because you needed me."

"No." You shake your head slightly, the motion rigid. "Our understanding," you pause, lips briefly pressing together, "Our friendship, was so new and uncertain--and I was afraid of ruining it, of being alone here, of--of the potential engagement. All of it." Your eyes are shinier than they were a moment ago. "I wanted to pretend it didn't exist."

This is the first time you've ever given any indication of not naturally taking to your responsibilities. You agreed to be taken hostage in exchange for your brother's life with little complaint or theatrical martyrism, but the thought of marrying a stranger to aid your mother's war effort shakes you to your core.

Sympathy and petulant satisfaction blend together uneasily, a continuation in the cycle of wanting you while also desiring to take everything from you.

His thumb drags down your shoulder, the warmth of your skin nearly dizzying. "Would you do it if she asked?"

You swallow. "It wouldn't matter. I'm here." He continues to trace a pattern against your shoulder. You squeeze his hand. "You can't have a wedding without the bride."

You're holding onto him with an intensity that's easing. "And if you weren't?"

As silence falls over the two of you, Aegon studies your expression. You're giving him very little to work with. "I wouldn't have a choice." Anything you've had with him has been out of the sake of convenience. It doesn't matter to you. "Aegon, you--you understand that." His lips part, but he has no response worth giving. "You have to understand that."

Aegon's hold on your hand tightens, fingers digging into into the skin of your palm. "Why?" The desperation in the question turns his stomach. He shifts his weight away from you, his hand trailing down your arm. "Do you care for me?"

Your straighten, back pulling away from the headboard. Aegon cannot will himself to read your features. "Do I care for you?" There's a barely there lilt to your voice that only makes it impossible for him to just sit there.

He forces himself to focus on the crumpled sheets in front of him. Something warm finds its way to his cheek--your hand. Your thumb drags itself across the side of his face. Aegon allows his eyes to fall shut. Gently, you guide his head forward.

"Aegon." He opens his eyes. "How many times have I been alone with you, have I--have I slept in the same bed as you?" You stumble, eyes briefly leaving his. Aegon can't help his slight smile. While you've always known about the impropriety of sleeping next to him, he doubts you know why it's viewed that way. You let out a breath in an attempt to recover. "I have risked my reputation, risked betraying my own mother--and you have to ask."

Aegon's vision blurs. He presses his lips together, forcing himself to not look away. "Of course I care for you."

He places a hand over the one you placed on his cheek. There's a lot of responses that Aegon should offer you, some declaration, some assurance of his fondness for you, but he's never been particularly talented at expressing the sentimental.

His fingers bend around your own, carefully pulling your hand away from his cheek. He sets your hand down on the mattress gently. You blink at him curiously, but before you can overthink the action, Aegon's shifting forward.

He presses his lips against yours. You're rigid, body still until he pulls your bottom lip between both of his. Aegon moves closer, one hand finding the back of your head. You lean forward, arms wrapping around his neck. You move your weight onto your knees, Aegon's available hand coming to your waist to keep you stable.

Aegon's head tilts back, creating space that you're more than ready to fill. His teeth tug at your bottom lip. You hands slide away from his neck, down his shoulders, settling on his chest. Aegon's hand moves away from your hip, coming to rest on your thigh.

The need for air brings him back to reality. Aegon breaks the kiss slowly, pulling away without letting you go. For a moment, all he can do is grin at you as you both catch your breath. "If I had known you had it in you, Princess..."

The use of your title seems to make you realize that you're still practically on his lap. You move back, making a point of sitting up straight. You roll your eyes, but between your ragged breaths and inability to lift your gaze, the look falls flat.

You keep your legs between the two of you, a barrier that bends at your knees. Aegon's smile broadens. He's not sure he's ever seen you so unsure of yourself. "I--that wasn't..."

"You can relax." You finally look up again, eyebrows drawn together in what he assumes is a display of skepticism. "I won't tell anyone." His hand find your lower leg, fingers tracing a delicate pattern against your skin. "And if anyone accuses you of anything, I'll have their tongue."

He sets his hand against your knee, his touch growing in security. You stare at your leg incredulously. "Aegon."

"What?" His thumb trails across your skin. "Would you prefer their head?"

You tilt your head, expression unamused. Aegon smiles, leaning forward to place a quick kiss against your knee before moving towards his original spot. You turn your head, watching him carefully.

Aegon lets out a sigh as he sinks into a pillow. "I'm tired."

You lay down next to him. "I didn't realize I wore you out."

The grin in your voice is audible. Aegon uses his forearm for support as he lifts himself to lean over you. "Do not start something you can't finish."

The corner of your mouth pulls itself upwards, the look similar but not quite the same as the accidental smiles Aegon has grown accustomed to. He smiles as he lies down, his head resting against your upper stomach.

You're quick to accept the proximity, your hand moving to smooth through his hair. Aegon's arm settles against your waist. This newfound closeness is nearly overwhelming in the relief it offers him. The feeling grabs at him, forcing out words he is not ready to say, "We could always get married." He tries to swallow, but the dryness of his mouth makes it impossible. "Then your mother wouldn't be able to marry you off to anyone."

Your fingers stall against his scalp. "Aegon--"

"I'd be a good husband to you."

At your silence, his fingers press into your side as if you might slip away if given the chance. After a beat, your nails begin to brush through his hair again. "You are thinking of the war, of your claim, of--of your small cou--"

"I am thinking of you."

You let out a sigh Aegon feels more than hears. "We need to be realistic. Would my mother's retaliation not concern you?"

He forces himself to focus on your tangibility. "The only thing concerning me is figuring out how to keep you here as long as possible." He drags his knuckles against your hip. "You once told me that you'd never get married, and that instead you'd spend your life riding dragons and eating cake."

You let out a soft laugh. "I can't believe you remember that."

"You sounded very serious." Aegon releases your side in favor of finding your hand. His fingers trace patterns against your palm. "We could get married and spend our days riding dragons and eating cake."

Your drag your hand away from his head, palm settling against his back. You begin to smooth circles against the fabric of his shirt. "Now you be serious."

Aegon intertwines your fingers, squeezing your palm to his. "I know better than to jest about cake."

You're so quiet he'd assume you fell asleep if it wasn't for the patterns still being traced against his spine. "Can we just...can we give it some time?"

He's not sure what you expect to get from time. The realm will still be divided, his half-sister will only grow more desperate and willing to marry you off for support, and his mother will continue to question why he's keeping you in this limbo. But the request is far from a rejection.

You've always been practical, the kind of person to think through prospects instead of trusting your instinct. Aegon is your best option, the closest thing you have to a lifeline. The way you feel about him has already encouraged you to cross lines you would have never considered approaching. Perhaps time and his attention will be what it takes to put it all into perspective for you.

Aegon lifts your hand to his mouth, his lips brushing against your knuckles. "We can give it all the time you need, Princess."

You mumble something he can't quite make out. Before Aegon can ask about it, your hand stills against him. Without looking up, he knows that you've fallen asleep.

----

A/n i had to throw in a little alicent and rhaenyra parallel <3 i could see myself writing a part 2 to this so if you like that idea lmk!! or if u want more hotd in general :)

[moghedien]

lae'zel, permission, and what she actually wants

the thing about Lae'zel is that she's always looking to someone to give her permission

basically her entire life up until the beginning of the game has been a fight to be allowed to live. she has to prove she's better than her peers. she has to prove that she's worthy of fighting for Vlaakith. hell, even when she was an egg, she would have had to prove she was worthy of hatching because if she'd been a bit late she wouldn't have even been allowed a chance.

she doesn't really do anything unless its what her goddess and her society allows and she'll do exactly what is prescribed. she bristles at any attempts to find a cure for the tadpoles that aren't going to the creche because that is what she is supposed to do as a good githyanki. anything else is a deviation from what is allowed, even if it might work.

so you look at her romance through that lens, it really sort of pulls everything together.

In the act one scene, she's still following the rules like a good devoted of Vlaakith. She will sleep with you one or two times if you ask her to, but will bristle at anything more than that. She's a totally typical normal githyanki after all (she isn't), and it isn't normal for githyanki to have any kind of serious romantic relationships. "love" isn't even a real thing, and is just a strange mental illness that cowards use as an excuse (all of these are things she actually believes at the beginning of the game based on various bits of banter and dialogue where she's reflecting retroactively on her previous beliefs). Straight up, anything beyond casual sex is not allowed, so she doesn't even question it as an option.

Then by the time you get to the Act 2 romance scene, Lae'zel's entire world has been upturned for unrelated reasons. She did everything as she was supposed to and nothing she wasn't and Vlaaktih betrayed her. Her entire culture and society betrayed her despite her never doing anything without their permission.

It seems like she is somewhat quick to accept that and switch her allegiance. Her entire existence was because Vlaakith gave her permission to exist, and then Vlaakith betrayed her no matter how devoted she was. So Vlaakith is a liar and she learns that Orpheus is a possible answer to solve the Vlaakith problem, so now she's committed to Orpheus.

It seems like a quick turn, but if you look at Lae'zel as someone who needs permission, then it makes more sense. Vlaakith can't give her that anymore, so she needs someone else to tell her how to live, so that becomes Orpheus, who of course conveniently isn't there to actually tell her to do anything. So she does as Voss says to try to save him and that becomes her entire life motivation. Because what else can she possibly do? She needs someone's permission to decide how to move on now.

By the time you get the Act 2 romance scene, Lae'zel is on this path, right? If you look at the actual Act 2 romance scene, its basically her asking for permission again. Not in the way you'd immediately expect, because while she is asking like, your permission to develop your relationship into something further, its not just you she needs permission from. She needs her societal expectations to give both of you permission.

To elaborate, you're a fucking wrench in all her expectations of what is right. You were supposed to be a one or two night casual fuck, and then she went and got fixated with you. She calls it an obsession. She says its bothering her more than Vlaakith's betrayal, more than her people hunting her, more than the worm in her head. Those are all problems that she has some instruction on how to address. You, she has no fucking clue what to do about. Rebel githyanki aren't exactly giving instructions on how to pursue romantic relationships with people while planning on how to take down Vlaakith. Even if they are more lenient and accepting of those kinds of attachments (which we have no idea if they are or not), she hasn't been around any of them long enough to figure that out.

In her feelings for you, she's confronted with feelings that to her culture are perverse and which she has no societal context for. Even if there was someone who might give her the go ahead to pursue that relationship, she has no idea who they might be. She's someone who's entire life has revolved around what she has permission to do within her society, and she finds herself drawn to do something that she has no way of even figuring out how to approach in an acceptable way.

And despite all of that, and all the complications around what asking more from you would mean from a githyanki standpoint, she still gets to a point where she wakes you up in the middle of the night and begs you to do something about it.

She's frantic and confused and its clear she doesn't even really know what she wants from you, so she asks you to prove yourself and fight her. Its not because she thinks you're too weak for her. She admits she finds you strong the first time she comes onto you. Alternatively, she basically negs you after having sex with her by calling you weak and a coward and she is more than pleased to have sex with you again after doing so. Strength or weakness has nothing to do with why she needs you to fight her.

She needs you to fight her because that's how she's always had to prove herself worthy of existence. Her entire life has been a series of peers and comrades she had to fight in order to prove that she could go on. So when she doesn't know what else to do about you and there's nothing else to tell her how to proceed, she needs you to fight and prove that you (and her) can go on.

But the thing about the duel you have, is that the outcome doesn't actually matter. Regardless, it does give her what she needs to know to go on your relationship, but not in any ways she expected. Regardless if you win or she does, she gets overwhelmed and realizes that she wants you and she wants you to want her. Something definitely starts to shift in her mindset after the fight.

If you win, she's alarmed by the contradiction that she should feel ashamed for having lost. If you lose, she's alarmed by the contradiction of feeling no joy in having beaten you. She realizes that she doesn't want to be doing the thing she's supposed to do (fight to prove her worth) and instead wants to protect you. She also says that she wants you to protect her, which is something that she only says if you lose the fight, which I think is notable and makes the shift a bit more obvious.

Because she only says it if you lose. You lost. You just showed you were weaker than her. And she still wants you to protect her. By all githyanki standards, you shouldn't even be worthy of living if you couldn't win the fight, but she not only doesn't want to see you hurt, but she wants you to see that she doesn't get hurt. Not only should this not make sense because you lost, but it is maybe the first time Lae'zel has admitted she doesn't want to have to rely only on her own strength. She wants to rely on you, even if you're weaker and couldn't beat her in a fight. That challenges everything she has ever believed in her life probably as much as being betrayed by Vlaakith did.

If you win the fight, she doesn't admit that, but I think the sentiment is still there. It just isn't something that she has to directly confront in the moment because you proved that you can protect her. In that instance, she's coming to terms more with the fact that she should feel weaker or ashamed but isn't. In either instance, she was asking for permission from her ideals on how to deal with the You problem. In either instance, she's confronted with something that challenges that. Either you fail to meet the expectations she thought she had, and she finds out she doesn't care, or she fails to meet the expectations of a githyanki soldier and she finds out she doesn't care. Because either way, she figures out she wants you more than she wants to be the good githyanki that does what she's supposed to and act like she's supposed to act. Being "obsessed" with you should be perverse and wrong, but she embraces it whether she has permission (from her society) to do so or not. That is an extremely big deal.

And even before we get into Act 3, there are some interesting beats here about Lae'zel's romance in Act 2 still. One of the two things I want to discuss is the kissing. After the main Act 2 romance scene, you get new dialogue options, including asking her to kiss you.

This is kinda where we get into my opinions on the best choices to make with her romance, and I'm aware that these are my opinions and people deciding to do other things isn't incorrect. I'm pointing this out because I'm gonna start talking a lot about choices soon and which ones I think are the best thematically and from a character standpoint. They are my opinions. You are allowed to disagree. I will however be defending and arguing my opinions here. You don't have to get angry or defensive if you did something else or don't agree with my conclusions.

Now, back to kissing Lae'zel. The notable thing about asking Lae'zel to kiss you is that her initial reaction is embarrassment. It's somewhat of a turn from how she is open about talking about your sexual encounters before this. The entire fight scene, which may have ended up with the two of you making out in the middle of camp until it faded to black, was seemingly in front of everyone and she had no concern about that.

Kissing just out of the blue though? She's shy about that.

Because just kissing for no reason is soft and pointless, really (and if you watch the Lae'zel kissing animations, they are all in fact very soft and sweet). You don't really need to do it. Before hand with the sex and whatnot, she fully has arguments about why that was ok and even beneficial for the overall task at hand. Soft little kissing though? There's no reason to do that unless she wants to. Hence her embarrassment.

Now, she won't kiss you in Act 2 when you ask because of her embarrassment. Not unless you persuade her to do it. You only have to persuade her once and if you succeed, the first time she is clearly nervous and looks around uncomfortably. In all honesty, it seems somewhat uncomfortable to persuade her especially given her initial reaction. I do, however, think its the best thing to do for her.

Yes, she's uncomfortable. She's uncomfortable with your entire relationship now because she's has no experience even knowing about a situation like this and from a githyanki standpoint, affectionately kissing in public for no reason is basically outing yourselves as being perverts. She also very, very clearly wants it. The way you persuade her, is by pointing out that she probably wants this. And if you succeed in pointing that out to her, she is smiling and afterward when you ask her to kiss she is clearly happy and very soft about it all.

If you don't persuade her, I believe you can still kiss her without the check if you wait until after the Act 3 scene, so she is clearly comfortable with it at some point. Persuading her might seem like you're pushing her past her comfort zone. That's honestly why I didn't do it for a while. But looking at how she reacts after the fact and what happens after, I do feel like its not so much pushing her out of her comfort zone. Its more challenging her to push against her initial ideas of what she thinks she should do and instead encouraging her to do what she wants. More on that later.

The other romance beat that happens in Act 2 occurs some time after the main scene in camp, when she get about as vulnerable as she's been yet. She asks you for softness. She wants to be with you and she doesn't want the rough, passionate, hedonistic type of night that has been all of your relationship up until this point. She asks for gentleness, softness, and she's terrified. She says outright that its terrifying for her to ask this and she's been working up the courage to do so.

This is meaningful in multiple ways, because its not only a sign that your physical relationship is becoming something more than just sex. Its a sign of how much Lae'zel has changed. Because Lae'zel is someone who needs permission in everything. Up until this point, we haven't seen her ask for permission, she simply waited for her betters to give it to her and denied herself if they didn't. When it was someone who isn't above her, she makes demands. She doesn't ask permission. Ever. Now she outright asking you for permission to be gentle and soft. She didn't just need to build up the courage to be soft. She needed to build up the courage to ask to be allowed something she wanted.

As I stated before, I think Lae'zel's instinct is to not take into account what she actually wants, but to just go ahead with whatever she thinks she's supposed to do. That's how she was raised and indoctrinated after all. Gently pushing against her first reactions to things allows her a chance to push against that instinct of behaving how she was indoctrinated to behave. I think her asking for a softer touch is a sign of this changing for her. The Act 3 scene is even more so.

The Act 3 romance scene is sort of the height of Lae'zel's character growth. One thing that makes me sort of sad is that I feel like you don't really get to see the fullness of her character unless you romance her. That's true with other characters I've romanced so far to some extent, but not as much as with Lae'zel.

But here you romanced Lae'zel, so you get to see her admitting how much her perceptions have changed because of you helping her see things differently. She has different perspectives and she finds beauty and bliss in things she used to find dread in. She loathed the sun, and now drags you to a roof top just to stare at it coming over the horizon (please don't stare into the sun). She finds herself liking Faerun and the colors in it. She admits all of this before she brings up what she actually wanted to talk to you about.

Lae'zel has no terms in which to describe your relationship. She doesn't know about dating (or courting) or marriage and she doesn't actually even know what the word love means. She doesn't ever say the word until six months later in the epilogue, but what she's describing to you on how she feels is without a doubt love and what she's asking of you is more or less marriage. She doesn't have the terms or any cultural context to make it easier to ask, but she wants you to stay with her, whatever happens. That's the only way she can really describe it. Staying with her. Because even if you've only actually known each other a short time, you might be the most constant thing she's ever had in her life, and she's probably terrified of what it means when the Absolute is dealt with and there is no mission keeping you together. She isn't asking for permission now to stay with you, but is asking for you to stay with her. Where you might be and doing what, who knows, but she is for the first time just pursuing something she wants that she hasn't been given explicit permission for beforehand.

And then, we get to saving Orpheus.

This is where my thoughts might get controversial, but as I said, you're free to disagree but I'm arguing for my ideas here.

I'm not sure how any of this changes if you go a different route in the final parts of the game, so I can really only speak on the options you get if you saved Orpheus and he became Illithid.

So you do the thing that Lae'zel has been lead to believe she needs to do and free Orpheus. I personally cannot blame the man's attitude given his being imprisoned for who the fuck knows how long and the fact that he is still willing to sacrifice himself. However, it is clear that he is perhaps not quite as understanding as Voss lead you to believe he would be. Given that he tells you that you should have let his guard kill you if you were actually on the same side as him, which notably would have doomed everyone and lead to the Absolute's victory. But again, centuries of imprisonment, we cannot blame the guy.

The point I want to make with bringing that up at all, is that, even in these little bits of conflict that don't really amount to anything in game, its a crack in the ideal of Orpheus. He isn't every grand thing that Voss promised you and Lae'zel he would be. He's not bad here and gives us no reason to think he is, but its a crack. Lae'zel didn't have any reason to doubt Vlaakith or see her imperfections until it was too late, after all. I'm not saying the two are equals, but Lae'zel went from worshipping an evil false-goddess to holding up that goddess's enemy in similar reverence in a shockingly short amount of time. The girl jumped from a cult that worshipped one powerful figure to a radical rebel movement that held up another. And we immediately see little tiny cracks in the facade of Orpheus.

Lae'zel won't. Lae'zel doesn't know how to be anything but utterly devoted to the highest figure of authority she sees as worthy to follow. Lae'zel won't know to be wary. But you should be wary as fuck about what Orpheus is going to ask of her.

Cut to the end. We win, the absolute is defeated, yay! Mind Flayer Orpheus is asking Lae'zel to kill him and take up his mantle and lead his rebellion against Vlaakith.

In that moment, you have really two options. Technically there are multiple dialogue options, but really there are two. You can let her go (and potentially go with her) or you can persuade her to stay. If you tell her to do what she wants, she and you will leave on dragons to fight the rebellion against Vlaakith.

I do not think this is what Lae'zel wants.

When Orpheus is giving her this duty, she doesn't look happy about it. She just finished the single most traumatic event of her life, which turned everything upside down and completely shook who she is as a person. Now she is being handed what she had said she wanted. The means to free her people and defeat Vlaakith. She has a silver sword. She's being given not one, but two red dragons. And she just looks fucking sad. She looks exhausted as Orpheus is commanding her to do this.

She is someone who has never lived a life where she was able to want her own goals or life. She was Vlaakith's. Now she's being ordered to carry Orpheus's legacy. And I do believe she wants to stop Vlaakith and save her people from her control. But she is being given all of the burden of doing so and commanded to begin immediately upon completing her previous ordeal.

Lae'zel has been following orders her entire life. She isn't one to even consider what she actually wants and instead does what she thinks she's supposed to do. So when Orpheus tells her to do this, she is going to obey the authority figure like she was been indoctrinated into doing. When you ask her what she wants, she will say you're coming with her because she's at least broken away enough to do that but not to consider that she doesn't want to go.

Gently pushing against Lae'zel's immediate reactions, as I said, is I think the way to get her honest, genuine desires. If you persuade her to stay and disobey Orpheus, she does seem suddenly energized. She will then say that her destiny is not for Vlaakith or Orpheus to decree. Her destiny is hers alone. Neither Vlaakith nor Orpheus will give her permission to do that, but you can. She doesn't obey you. You aren't an authority figure and you have probably shown yourself to be weaker than her at several points in the game. But you still give her permission to choose her life and she accepts that.

And this, is how you break the Lae'zel out of the cycle that she finds herself. in. The only way she isn't perpetually bowing down to some authority figure is if she stays in Faerun. Because she escaped the authority of Vlaakith and immediately went to Orpheus, who now she can't even escape because he's dead and she is the one holding up his legacy on his behalf. She can't choose to leave once she's accepted that responsibility, and she frankly does not look like she wants to accept that responsibility.

If she stays on Faerun, she is still fighting Vlaakith. Not only because she is literally hunting down and murdering Vlaakith's forces, but she's living completely free of Vlaakith's influence in a way she couldn't otherwise. She isn't living under Vlaakith's rules, nor having to live in direct antagonism to Vlaakith's rules by forming a new society from scratch for the githyanki. She's just living. Occasionally going and massacring Vlaakith's soldiers as a means of survival, but otherwise just living how she wants and with who she wants. And in theory, she could go and join the rebellion proper any time in the future. If she stays, her future isn't certain, and that, I think, is the best thing for her.

In the epilogue, if you are with her on Faerun, its clear she doesn't really let herself rest still. She busies herself (and you) by tracking down Vlaakith's forces to eradicate, and she tells you of another one she found, noting that she can't rest for long. You have the option to push against this gently, suggesting taking some time off. No persuasion needed. She not only agrees to take some time off, but she immediately has a vacation suggestion which she has clearly been looking into and is excited to check out. But Lae'zel is not someone who is going to consider what she actually wants. She's going to suggest what she thinks she should be doing, but with some gentle push back, will let you know what she actually wants.

Because you're not really rejecting her ideas when you push against the instincts that have been indoctrinated into her. You're giving her permission to decide what she wants to do, and Lae'zel is always someone looking for permission.

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a bit of a personal question, so if you don’t want to answer this, I completely understand!! no hard feelings at all! long story short, I’m demisexual, and I just entered my first real relationship. My girlfriend lights me up inside in a way I’ve never experienced before, but being demi I have no sexual or romantic experience and I’m a little stressed about First Times. Do you have any tips on how to relax? Or at least how to be comfortable with that unfamiliar territory? Your little tidbits about your relationship with B really opened my eyes to my own situation, so I thought I’d maybe see if you had any tips for me. Thanks in advance!!

First: Congratulations! That's super exciting!

Second:

Talk 👏 to 👏 her👏 (!!!)

My partner and I talked A LOT before even the slightest hanky-ing of panky-ing occurred. (In fact, our first conversation about it consisted of me telling him I likely would not enjoy sex and wasn't willing to submit myself to things I did not enjoy anymore and him being like, "ok, no sex, then." Which gave me the time and inclination to feel things out further.) So, when I got to a place where I was like, "ok, conceptually, I do actually like the idea of physical intimacy with you, I'm just not sure I'll enjoy it in practice," we kept talking! I told him things I thought he should know about the past experiences I'd had that might color things we did. I told him about how anxious I was because this mattered in a way that was new and scary (because I was in real actual love and, as you might imagine, not handling it well). I let him ask questions and we made a plan to try things slowly in a low-stress, no-expectations kind of way. It was super valuable A. in making me feel like we were approaching an unfamiliar territory together rather than me entering it by myself and B. it apparently eased a lot of my partner's concern that he'd do something to hurt or scare me when he knew what was off-limits, what was ok, and what we'd need to figure out.

I'll be real with you. Our "first time" sucked. I was a nervous wreck. He called things only shortly after they'd started and was like, nope, time to cuddle and watch a movie instead. And the fact that we'd talked about this probably happening, and him confirming the initial promises he'd made that he wouldn't push me, and he wouldn't get mad if nothing sexual actually happened--that made me a lot less nervous during the next attempt. And each time was an improvement until things were, you know, better than I ever could have imagined. Fireworks. Rainbows. The whole 9 yards. It just took a lot of talking to get there.

Also, people seem to think that talking about sex-- test results, dislikes, preferences––is somehow not sexy. But I found it to be the opposite. 1. I love planning things. So knowing what "the plan" is ahead of time is very nice. 2. Talking about an action before trying it out can be... titillating. Let's say.

Anyway. Communicate! If she's as awesome as she sounds, she'll be honored and pleased to tackle the situation with you rather than being a part of the thing that's giving you anxiety.

[starlovesganyu]

Your Maid outfit is one of my favourite posts on tumblr, can you make one for the Honkai girls(especially Bronya)?

at your service! (part 2)

❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀

coming home to you in a maid outfit!

thanks for the ask!

various characters x gn!reader

characters: bronya, fu xuan, himeko, topaz, sparkle

warnings: none

not proofread

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

bronya -`✮´-

• she was pretty tired coming home from another busy day at work, but opening the front door to you in a maid outfit jolted her wide awake

"w-what are you...why are you in a maid outfit?"

• your bow and "at your service" only serves to deepen her already intense blush

"h-hey...you don't have to act like you're my subordinate"

• she'll go along with it after realizing that you actually want to be her maid for the night

• will ask you to do tasks that help her relax, like cooking her dinner or giving her massage

• she knows she shouldn't be staring, but you just look so stunning in the maid outfit she can't help but let her gaze follow you around

• she doesn't want to make you work too hard, so after you finish cleaning up the dining table she bashfully asks you come cuddle

• it's also because she can't bear not having her hands on you anymore

"for my final request...c-can i kiss you?"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

fu xuan -`✮´-

• when she opens the door, she'll freeze up, her a beautiful shade of red creeping into her face

• she'll just stand there stunned for a couple seconds, before clearing her throat and attempting to regain her composure and hide her surprise

"...what's with the outfit?"

(you) "at your service master diviner!"

• her eyes widen and her face grows even more red at the unexpected display

• she tries to say something, but stutters over every word

• the fact that you look so damn cute in the outfit doesn't help her at all

• finally, she tells you to sweep the floors, then darts off into the bedroom, emerging a couple minutes later looking a lot more composed

• asks you to do a couple more things around the house before she feels bad for making you work

"my final request is...if it doesn't bother you...in the future, can you wear the uhm...maid outfit again?

• this must have been the "exceptional event" she foresaw in the matrix that morning

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

himeko -`✮´-

• when she opens the door, a smile blooms across her face, and her eyes sweep you up and down

"awww baby, what's with the outfit? you look amazing though!"

• she dotes over you until you're blushing from head to toe, but you still manage to stutter out the line "at your service", which invites another round of praise from her

• once she has you thoroughly flustered, she asks you to help her clean the kitchen and bedroom

• doesn't try to hide the fact that she is taking in the sight of you in a maid outfit-you just look too pretty!

• she also struggles to keep her hands off of you

"good job! now, i think my cute little maid deserves a reward after all that hard work!"

• your face is promptly covered in gentle kisses, leaving you bright red and a little dazed

• she steps back and admires her work, chuckling a bit to herself

"you might want to wash your face a little more thoroughly tonight. it seems a lot of my lipstick got on you"

• there's a hint of sadness in her eyes when you change out of the maid outfit that night

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

topaz -`✮´-

• she'll jump a little, her eyes widening and face turning red

"w-what's going on?"

• she stumbles over her words, trying to keep her calm in front of the breathtaking view before her

(you) "at your service!"

• she lets out a nervous laugh as she steps into the house and closes the door behind her, almost tripping on numby on the way in

• who knew one the ten stonehearts would be a nervous wreck in front of her girlfriend?

"at my service you said? b-by the way, y-you look good in that"

• i think you've discovered a new weakness of hers...

• she'll just ask you to make her dinner, too nervous to ask for anything beyond that

• when you inevitably catch her staring, she'll apologize and look back down at her work report (you'll catch her staring many, many more times after her first apology)

• when you finally change out of the outfit to get ready for bed, she breathes a sigh of relief, but there's also a look of disappointment in her eyes

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

sparkle -`✮´-

• she'll be stunned for maybe half a second before she's slowly circling you, getting every angle of you in the maid outfit

"oh my..."

(you) "a-at your service!"

• a smirk forms on her face as she continues to look you up and down, head-to-toe

"at my service, huh..."

• she'll take one final look before abruptly wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you in close

"not that i'm complaint, but since when are you suddenly up for being a maid...?"

• she inquires, pulling you tighter into her embrace, feeling the soft fabric of your uniform on her fingers

• doesn't give you a chance to answer before she's skipping away, telling you to clean the house

• you're only a little bit into cleaning before she tells you to stop, and start on another task, repeating this cycle until she's bored

"alright alright...that's enough"

• she suddenly gets serious, which is a incredibly rare occurrence

"y-you actually do look good in the outfit..."

• her getting all bashful makes your heart melt, and you have to resist the urge to pick her up and just shower her in kisses

a/n: thanks for reading!!!

[imbestforyou]

you belong with me

pairing: jj maybank x bestfriend!reader

summary: reader is in love with jj, but jj’s dating another girl…

warnings: unmutual pining, minor profanity, poorly edited, cliffhanger (sorry i got lazy), short pt. 2 if people want it idk, little angst and fluff

approx. reading time: 8 minutes and 30 seconds

writing inspo: you belong with me (taylor’s version) by taylor swift

masterlist :)

“wait what?” i exclaimed. i was sitting in sarah’s room listening to her talk about her day at the beach with the pogues.

“yes i swear! he brought emily there and had his arm wrapped around her and everything! didn’t even surf, which is crazy for jj.”

“so he must be serious about this girl, right?” i sighed as i layed on her bed. i couldn’t believe it. jj maybank? in a relationship with a kook girl?

“i mean i don’t know much. but if i’m being honest, he didn’t seem that interested in her.” she talked as she curled her hair for her date with john b. i stayed silent. i couldn’t believe it.

————————————————————————————

“hey y/n!” i stopped in my tracks. i knew that voice all too well. and it was the voice of someone i had been ignoring for the past two weeks. i turned slowly to face him.

“hey.” i said looking at the floor. purposely avoiding eye contact. it wasn’t that i didn’t want to see jj, i did. but it hurt to know he was dating someone else. especially emily, someone who was drastically different from me, from all the pogues to be honest.

“i feel like i haven’t seen you in forever. what’s up with that? sarah told me you’ve been sick, but i told her that was bullshit. you haven’t gotten sick since like the 3rd grade.” he grabbed me by the shoulders playfully. i look up to see emily staring at me from the bar.

“uh yeah. i don’t know what happened. probably got it from my parents after they came back from new york.” it was a lie. my parents hadn’t been to new york in ages.

with emily giving me a death stare and jj touching me, i was feeling claustrophobic and a little freaked out, “anyways look i’ll see you later. i have to get home and get some homework done.” i turn around and start walking before he can begin a sentence.

————————————————————————————

you're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset

she's going off about something that you said

‘cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

my eyes were closed while i sunbathed on the beach before i was interrupted by another call on my phone.

jj <3 - 3 missed calls

jj <3 - calling now

“hello?”

“y/n? y/n! hey how- how are you doing?” he stutters a bit.

“hey i’m doing fine? are you okay? you sound a little weird.”

“i’m good just pissed at emily.” he huffed.

“ahh emily. so how is your new girlfriend?”

“she’s pissed at me for some lame joke i made with pope. and she called attacking me and shit because i was being a douchebag or something.”

“ha what else is new.” i joke. and he laughs which stops my heart for a minute. i pause then ask,

“what was the joke?” i ask, curious to know why emily would be so upset.

“i told her the dress she was wearing looked like a hospital gown and she got all pissed. wasn’t even a good joke…” he mumbled.

i laughed, he was right. it wasn’t, i could think of thousands of jokes better, but i could tell it must’ve been an attempt to make emily and pope laugh.

“i guess she doesn’t get your humor.”

“guess not…” he sighs then starts again,

“hey l was wondering if you wanted to hang out later. i don’t know i’ve been feeling really distant from you recently.

“yeah i’m sorry about that, um so like with the pogues or…?”

“nah just yo- sorry hold that thought emily’s calling me and i really don’t want to make her more mad. i’ll call you back.”

he never called back.

————————————————————————————

im in the room, it's a typical tuesday night

im listening to the kind of music she doesn't like

and she'll never know your story like I do

a week had passed and he still hadn’t called me. i wasn’t even trying to ignore him anymore, he just was never around. school had ended and summer break had finally begun. and still no call.

as i layed on my bed and sang along to “the blue” by gracie abrams, sarah tries convincing me to talk to jj.

“why don’t you just call him? see what’s up? it’s not like him to be this distant. it’s with john b too, hasn’t been to the chateau recently. and you know how his dad is.”

“a shitty father is what he is.” i spit out. even though i was irritated at jj for not even trying to keep any communication between any of the pogues my hatred for luke will always be worse.

i sit up, “look he’s probably fine and with emily. i’ll talk to john b to get him to chill. but honestly i don’t think jj wants to keep contact with any of us. if he wanted to he would have.”

“i don’t know, you should call him. emily has like tied him up all for herself. have you noticed that?”

but she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts

shes cheer captain and im on the bleachers

dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find

that what you're looking for has been here the whole time

“i mean i think everyone has. or that fact that she’s nothing like any of us and exactly like the type of girl he would make fun of.”

“a kook princess, like what i was.”

“exactly. i don’t want to judge him but why would he go into a relationship with someone who he so obviously doesn’t like?”

“something is up y/n. go figure it out.” she grabbed my car keys and pushed me out the door.

————————————————————————————

standing by and waiting at your back door

all this time, how could you not know, baby?

you belong with me, you belong with me

i take a deep breathe before knocking at his door.

no response. i knock again.

“hello! anyone home?”

“shut the hell u- y/n?” jj opens the door.

“hi- hey i just came to check on you. can i come in?”

he turns back, no doubt looking for his father. “probably not the best idea.”

“yeah- yeah uh wanna go to mine? so we can talk?” he nods and shuts the door behind him. he doesn’t make eye contact but all i can do is stare at the blood on his face and knuckles.

oh, I remember you driving to my house

in the middle of the night

im the one who makes you laugh

when you know you're 'bout to cry

and I know your favorite songs

and you tell me 'bout your dreams

think I know where you belong

think I know it's with me

i unlock my house from the back door to hopefully not make as much noise. my parents couldn’t find out i was sneaking in a boy in the middle of the night. i hurriedly close the door to my room and turn to him.

“are you okay?” i spill out.

“yes.” he’s quiet, that’s not the jj i know.

“you know you can talk to us, right? like any of the pogues, we’re here for you. i’m here for you.” i move closer and touch the blood on his forehead, and he winces. his head is sticky, like if he had been sweating. and i can’t decide whether it’s because of the humidity or if he was fighting with his father. probably both.

“luke?” he just nods. my heart breaks for him. i grab his hand and let him sit on my bed. i grab my first aid kit and rubbing alcohol and get to work on the blood and bruises on his hand and knuckles.

we sit in comfortable silence. but it was mostly me waiting to see if he was going to talk about his dad.

“i didn’t want to ignore you guys.” he speaks so low, i almost couldnt hear him. i kneel down so i can look at his face.

“then why did you?”

“i- i told my dad something, stupid i know. but he blew up on me a couple weeks ago. told me his boss had a nice daughter named emily my age. said if i could get with her, he’d get more money or some shit. i don’t know i guess i wanted to make him proud. so i- i started dating her. kept fucking it up and he would beat the shit out of me. didn’t want you guys to see me like that.”

i sighed. my hands were holding his for comfort. something we’d done since we were kids but felt really unfamiliar now.

“what’d you tell your dad to make him set you up with emily?”

he coughed, “told’m that i loved someone.”

my heart dropped for the second time in two months. why did i even think for a second that’d i’d have a chance? i told myself we belonged together.

“oh.” i got up and released my hands from his. suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. i cleared my throat.

“um well, i have some sleeping bags in my closet and if you want you can sleep in my bed or um whatever feels more com-“

“i told him i loved you.”

[buzzkillers]

Fables and Parables 1|?

Pairing: Namor x Black!Reader

Summary: During a study abroad trip, you accidentally trigger a long-time tradition through a simple word: amen.

Warning: NON-CON, religious themes, non-consensual voyeurism, magical sex pollen, dream-walking, mentions of abortion, attempted forced pregnancy.

PART TWO

There's only so many words in the English language to describe heat, so you'll keep it simple: Oraxco, Mexico was hell on Earth, survival unlikely.

It was a sun-drenched mugginess.

Something heavy and thick that melted the sunscreen right off your skin and had your phone turning off in self preservation. And the worst part? This was before you left the airport; before you even left the damn terminal.

You didn't know what you expected. Oraxco wasn't particularly known for having Iceland type temperatures but no one said it was like this. Like you were kissing the sun. Like the heat had a mind of it's own.

And by the time you found your classmates, your clothes were drenched in sweat and your bags had gone slick in your palms. Thankfully, you weren't the only one.

Underneath what could only be a sunflare, there were only a handful of you, but your tongue went dry as you tried to greet them all. And you know, maybe you weren't in a city.

Maybe the airplane accidentally dropped you off in a Giants oven. Maybe you were being grilled alive. It was the only explanation really. For Christ sake, you've never felt your skin cook before.

And when your professor finally arrived, with suspiciously dry skin and an easy smile the conversations died easily. You couldn't pretend to be upset. You just let her talk and talk and talk.

Her tone, peppier and upbeat as she postponed going straight to the hotel.

Instead, she wanted to risk heat stroke to visit a nearby holy site. A hidden attraction that not many tourists visit. "It's only a few miles east, you'll thank me later," she insisted, the moment she saw the deadly looks etched onto all our faces. "It'll be fun, I promise"

A bold faced lie you thought as by the time you got there, you couldn't help but think it looked less holy and more—abandoned.

Through the heat exhaustion you took in what could only be described as a tall engraved pillar in a sea of dead grass.

It was made of smooth stone and touched by age and thick green vines that wrapped snugly up the pillars pits and grooves. The arms of the vines climbing up and up until it disappeared atop the statue's crest. Shit, it was so far up, you had to crank your head up to see it.

It was beautiful, daunting and as your professor promised: hidden well. The pillar far enough away from the main road that if you weren't looking for it, it would be easily missed.

Clearly, the stone was old. It had to be the fifteenth century, pre-colonialism maybe? The craftsman ship was intricate as well. Each mark and dig woven into rocks that made a story. No, that wasn’t it. Not a story but instead the never ending tail of a serpent that slithered its way to the top of the pillar.

With artful expertise, the tail formed into a man with a heart in one hand and what could only be an infant in the other. Smaller figures surrounded the serpent, their role vague until your professor spoke.

"—a popular myth dating back to the Mayan period. It's said that if you pray at the feet of his statue, the sea serpent will rise from his throne to come up to pick a concubine,"

"The concubine would go through a heat of sort that would urge her to stay in the land of the serpent god till next full moon, where she'll come back to her homeland gifted with pregnancy and rewards for the town,"

Around you everyone nodded in thinly veiled disinterest.

“You only have to pray, give him a request and the fullment will be your exchange for the child.”

You grimaced, “I pray that this sun would disappear, amen”

You’re met with grunts of agreement. The professor dutifully chose to ignore you; instead her mouth just continued to go on and on and on. By the time it was over, you no longer heard the sounds of cars racing by, the trees had become unnaturally still and you were pretty sure that half of your class was sprawled dead on the grass floor.

She did not have to convince anyone to get back onto the bus. You’re in fact the first in your seat, legs splayed out and your head leaning against the heated window. There was an unnatural silence settled onto the bus. No one wanted to speak and you couldn’t blame them.

Your eyes instead stayed stuck on the trees; on the grass that danced beneath the soft wind. The moon had begun to hang high. Its light washed across the city and leaked through the leaves.

Your thighs shifted in your seat, your hand pressed into your cheek. And then you felt it, something hot and sharp like honey that spiked in your belly. A warm sensation that made you droop in your seat before you blinked and looked at the tree line as the engine roared.

The statue peeked back at you in glances and ripples of the leaves that withered over it. You blinked and for a moment, the leaves flicked away completely; your professor said something, the bus began to move at a snail's pace, but you couldn’t listen, you were transfixed.

Utterly hypnotized at the sight of the serpent tail, concrete and covered in rock as it tightened around the pillar. Before the leaves bristled back into place and the bus left the place behind.

You blinked. The warmth in your belly bloomed. Then with a roll of your shoulders, you pretend you saw nothing at all.

__

A few hours later, or maybe a few minutes, a few days? It didn't matter. But it was at that moment, deep down below, beneath sea currents and molten rock; on a throne covered in bones and melted gold, that a God pricked his ears towards the surface and sighed.

[ragecndybars]

Persona 3 Characters Ranked By How Good of Hugs They Give

kotone/hamuko/minako. best hugger in sees. she's a hashtag empath, so she always knows when you need a hug, too. will tug your head down to rest on her shoulder and start rubbing your back and everything. the technique? perfect. 10/10 no notes.

shinjiro. he's a lot less likely to hug anyone but aki, but when he does, it's big ol bear hug and he's not letting go until they feel better, period. he feels slightly awkward about it, but once he's holding on, he's committed. he's got that weighted blanket swag. (he doesn't smell the best though which holds him back from first place)

ryoji. hug will be a bit awkward at first but then he'll find his stride and suddenly he's a good hugger for all the same reasons as kotone. he had to get it from somewhere, after all. loses some points because he can be a little overly familiar, so he might employ back-rubbing in situations where it's unneeded.

fuuka. she's a little shy and less likely to hug, but if she does, she'll do it with all her heart!! a very gentle hugger who will try to console you as you're hugging. she might also start crying if things get emotional tbh but she won't get your shirt too wet. she also isn't likely to let go until you're smiling again.

aigis. she may be made of metal but i think we know from the ending of the game that she will cradle her loved ones so gently and with all the love and protection in her whole body <3 probably hugs a little tentatively because she doesn't want to crush the recipient of her hug. she's surprisingly warm, not cold, and her arms are less rigid than you would think.

i HAD to put koromaru this low because he technically can't hug you. but you can hug HIM and he is soft and warm and loves you so much.

yukari. she has good hugging technique, like fuuka's, but she's much more hesitant to actually hug and is more likely to pull away prematurely because she suddenly gets bashful. if someone else hugs her, she might even freeze up rather than hugging back, even if she wants to. her mind is racing with other thoughts as they hug, which makes her hug a little awkward and distracted.

theodore. gives an excellent gentle hug but he has no idea what to do next. he'll just stand there totally still indefinitely, and you have to kick him to get him to let you go.

elizabeth. hugs very enthusiastically but she will be saying some weird eccentric shit into your ear while you're trying to enjoy the hug. you could be on the verge of tears and she'd be like "oh my, is this what you humans call a 'bear hug'? should i summon a bear persona? ohohoho."

akihiko. he will hug with reckless abandon, but he is very awkward about it and hugs way too tight. like, a firm hug is nice and all, but akihiko please i cant breathe you'rE CRUSHING ME AKIHIKO--COUGH COUGH HACK--

minato/makoto. very stiff and wooden while he hugs you, so the hugging technique itself is pretty poor, but he has good awareness of when a hug is and isn't necessary and knows exactly when to squeeze a little and pull back. a quiet, slightly awkward hug.

ken. would be higher up on this list if he could just accept that he is Small but whenever he hugs someone he has to attempt to hug them in a Big Boy way which means he'll be trying to pull you down so he can hug you from "above", like with your head on his shoulder, and your back is gonna hurt like hell afterwards because he is just way too short.

junpei. gets self conscious and jerks away in the middle of a hug, just like yukari, but his technique is also awkward and wooden like minato, and if he's emotional enough to hug without feeling awkward then he'll be squeezing too tight like akihiko. worst of all worlds.

mitsuru. oh god. you're hugging her. why are you hugging her. what does she do with her arms. where should her face be. oh my god you're still holding on. are you saying something? she is not listening. she is too busy standing completely still like you're a t-rex whose vision is based on movement and if she just stays perfectly still you'll forget she's there and wander off.

[nkn0va]

I know this idea was kinda done to death with the persona asks. But would you be willing to write some headcanons for Kaguya, Wagner, and Yuzuriha with an s/o who's an american gunslinger? Their s/o also has a reputation for being so fast on the draw, Noone ever sees them draw the gun, they only hear the shot.

Ok now this is actually pretty fun to think about in the context of uni, much more than Persona imo. I just find EXS powers more fun. And a buddy of mine also has a gunslinger uni OC and he's done some pretty interesting stuff with that which helps.

-Fellow gunslingers unite.

-Dating Kaguya, she is 100% going to make everything a contest whenever she can. Oh there's a Void 100 yards off? First person to shoot it from here gets treated to dinner by the loser.

-Oh, there's a rogue In-Birth causing trouble that you were both aiming to deal with? First person to apprehend them gets a favor from the loser.

-No matter how good you are, she seems to almost always be able to keep up with your skill. Half out of her natural talent and half out of you motivating her to become stronger. Though she won't let you know that, obviously.

-It isn't long before the mere mention of your names together starts striking fear in the Licht Kreis' enemies, scaring them all half to death about just randomly being shot from seemingly nowhere should they start causing too much trouble for their own good. You two have mixed reactions about it.

-While you're likely just trying to do your job and don't care, Kaguya almost seems to have slight sadist tendencies in the fact that you two can scare the shit out of people with your presence alone, even if you have no intention of hurting them. You need to remind her to tone it down.

-A very polar opposites attract case. A noble knight and an underhanded gunslinger who will kill the moment they have any reason to.

-One would normally think you two would hate each other, you're probably the only ones who can tolerate each other enough to be in a long term relationship. Mutual stubbornness is going to color the relationship a lot, yes, however only you two can understand each other in that way.

-Such stubbornness leads to a kind of loyalty most people would kill to have in their own relationship, you two are an unexpected power couple.

-You two cover each others' backs very well on the battlefield, she protects you from any would be harmers that get too close and your cover fire protects her blind spots, she has full faith in your shot no matter how many snide comments she may give you.

-You two enable each other quite a bit, perhaps a tad too much. Anyone who doesn't already know you two are too intimidated to walk up to you two when together.

-A very practical yet fun relationship overall despite what someone lookin from the outside may seem. Neither of you give a shit what others think of you though, you're all that matters to each other.

-Pretty much opposite backgrounds but for different reasons. An honorable traditional swordswoman using a traditional katana and a western/western inspired gunslinger. Your first meeting with each other is quite odd to say the least.

-Not to say it was awkward though. That kind of contrast is the kind of stuff Yuzuriha lives for. It breaks up the otherwise monotonous life she typically leads with something new and exciting.

-100 percent, jokes will be made about this, especially if you're the more serious type. She'll make over-dramatic non serious speeches at every possible opportunity in an attempt to get a laugh or smile out of you. You doing so will only encourage her.

-She will one hundred percent challenge you you to contests of speed. Specifically whether you can draw your gun and shoot a target faster than she can draw her blade and slice. You two have yet to definitely decide whose faster because the difference is SO minute but that only makes her more determined to find out.

-Yuzu demands you visit frequently while she's guarding the shrine. Says she needs a break for some eye candy every now and then. Which to be fair is probably accurate, considering she has a shorter than average attention span, not good for the kind of job she has.

[yanderend]

All Yandere's reactions when you hug them!

Requested by an anon (well, sorta...)

— The Detective

As far as Charlie's concerned, your hug came out of nowhere! He knew he was successful in you starting to feel more comfortable with him— but wasn't expecting this!

His initial response is to push you off, out of shock and embarrassment.

Seeing your face, all affectionate and smiley makes his heart race, and he's not quite sure what to do! Usually he's the one trying to render you blushy.

What can I say? Cuddles make him feel soft!

Quickly, he pulls you back into the hug, this time holding you so tight you can barely breathe.

'Don't you dare share this with anyone, okay? You know what'll happen...'

He speaks with his usual malice, but it's a little less threatening than he'd like when you can feel the heat burning from his cheeks.

— The Childhood Friend

· Eli never knew how much she missed the feeling of a good, long hug. You two have almost always been fine with physical touch, but after her spiral you seemed to become a bit more wary— and she hated that!

So, oh boy is she happy to have you finally be physical with her again!

Your hug might result in a few tears, as she holds you tight and shakes with happiness.

'I- I thought you hated me...' She sobs, nuzzling into your neck. 'Please never stop again... Don't let go.'

Not that you'll be physically able to let go, anyway. She'll have an iron grip on you until she's cried all her tears out.

Just like old times, eh?

— The Worshipper (cw: suggestive at the end)

His prayers have been answered! Kazuo has spent days on end asking for a crumb of touch.

(It has been 48 hours since you last hugged him. What are you doing, starving the man?)

He simply can't help it, standing there, frozen as tears well in his eyes, overwhelmed from the feeling of warmth with your body wrapped around him.

'O-oh dear... Oh gosh...' He whimpers, hands flailing, unsure of whether he should hug you back or not. 'I'm not- I'm really not deserving of this, my love! Please--'

When you give him permission to hug back, his touch is incredibly gentle; careful, even. Kazuo feels like he's melting into your touch, wondering if this is what heaven will be like. He sure hopes so.

Even when you let go he feels the warmth residing on his body— leaving him in a fuzzy afterglow all day.

He's a desperate boy, and the slight scent of you on his robes drives him insane. He berates himself for thinking such sinful thoughts, but can't help wondering how long he could've kept you there... Touching him.

He wants more, always hoping, every time he sees you, that you'll do it again. Maybe you'll do more, that time..?

— The Queen Bee

• Anya's immediate thought is to take a picture— preserve this moment! A defining moment of your relationship, to be sure!

Whether it's a short hug or a long one, she'll be sure to make little comments; an attempt at convincing you to hug her more often.

When you hold her, her bout of narcissism comes back in full.

'Look at you, getting all friendly! It's alright if you're falling for me, cutie. We both know I'm irresistible, haha!'

She plays it off as a joke, but she means every word. Your affection solidifies her ideals of you two being a power-couple.

It takes a minute to hit her that you could be this open with others, too. Anya won't allow that, no way!

'Careful not to go around giving everyone this treatment, you don't want to give them the wrong idea, do you? No, I don't think of you that way, of course!' She takes a second to think, bringing her hand up to run it through your hair. 'In fact, why not just keep the hugging to me, yeah? You're soooo super cute when we're alone, after all!'

— The Fanclub

★ The excited squealing of lovestruck girls is one you should get familiar with. You're going to hear it a lot after this.

Fortuna becomes a stuttering mess immediately— she needs to say something, anything! But nothing's coming out except for excited and incompressible whispers.

Aurora is a little more forward, but her heart is still beating way faster than she can keep up with, and she's a little lost too.

The former will shake in your grasp, carving every detail of your body this close-up into her mind. She'll be thinking about this all day, if not all year.

The latter will place a hand on your heart, cozying up and testing the waters as to how close she can get. And also... to gauge if your chest is thumping as loud as hers. (Though, if she picks up any heartbeat at all she'll take that as a 'yes' and let her imagination run wild.)

'H-hey! Um... you're not like... acting like this with any other fans, are you?'

You're confused by the 'fans' sentiment, but that just makes the two of them high-five and interpret it as a "you two are my favourite ladies, so you get special treatment" response.

It wasn't that at all, but it's much safer to let them think that.

— The Deity

Nitai's head has a buffering moment, responding with a 'huh?' when he feels you burrow into his chest.

He wraps muscular, super-soft arms around you, and gets a dopey smile on his face. A hug has never felt so good...

'Am I winning you over, my little angel?' Nitai hums softly. 'Good, good. You're being so nice and loving to me today.'

His nearly inhuman height and strength only gives him a warmer feeling in his chest— you're so very fragile, holding onto him like that.

It's decided! He has to protect this, protect you! There's nobody that should share this experience. They could hurt you!

Nitai will now ask for cuddles CONSTANTLY, his craving for physical attention now overriding everything else.

Any chance The Diety has to hug you goodbye, or crawl into your bed when you're having trouble sleeping— he'll use anything as an excuse to snuggle up close, even something ridiculous.

He's reminded of all the previous followers of his who would've given their right arm to hug him— Oh well, he's always been a fan of nepotism.

— The Anomaly (cw: mild body-horror)

Yvetan was wondering when you were going to do something like this. They chalked the lack of impromptu hugs as having to 'act professional' in front of the armed guards.

They let out a not-quite-right sigh, and let their entire, sore body rest in your arms. They're a lot lighter than you expected, to note.

Yvetan's eyes flutter open to look at your face, their head leaning comfortably on your shoulder. They're wondering why they didn't just miracle you into doing something like this in the first place.

It means even more to them that you did it of your own accord, though. Even more to cherish. What a truly pure human...

'You two,' they speak suddenly, not even turning to look at the guards behind them. 'Look away, now.'

The guards look to eachother, and then to the two of you, stating that they're can't do that as it'd be against protocol.

Yvetan huffs, and you can feel their body go tense for a moment, holding you with their left arm.

From the position you're in, you have clear view of the guards faces crumpling up in horror before one drops his weapon to raise his visor up in a panic.

No eyes. The entire upper half of his face had been flattened out — removed of any features. The guard standing next to him doubles over, dry-heaving before facility medics run into the room to escort them out as they start to scream.

You can feel The Anomaly smile against your skin as they start playing with your hair.

'I can't let them in on this intimate moment of ours. You understand, yes, dear soulmate?'

— The Idol (cw: suggestive)

## Jamison has been open with touch since the moment you met, and has himself constantly prepared to hug you if you need it. (Or if you don't.)

He's never been good with such a genuine emotional connection until you, though, so having a meaningful hug full of so many feelings has him shaking in your grip.

He gets so excited- and not even in the sexy way he normally is! This is just so much for him...

You think he was bad when he broke his arm to get your attention? You've seen nothing yet. Minor or major injuries will become worryingly common— and the only thing he ever asks for when you ask what you can do to help is a hug, or a peck on the lips, if he's feeling cheeky.

Naturally with The Idol, he's going to take every opportunity to invite you to hug him in the public eye so that people know who you belong to. No-one's going to mess with a celebrity's partner right in front of them.

After you initiate PDA, he might take it a bit far and try and get steamy with you on date night. Surely, you want him as much as he wants you, so what's the problem there?

You get groped a bit more often than usual now, and Jamie can't help but be a little disappointed you don't do it back (as often, at least.)

[vampiricgf]

☆ MOON SHADOWS

⤷ hc request for @schadowheart as part of my headcanons for gaza which you can find more about here! If you can donate and would like to receive a hc in exchange too please do <3

mother superior/dark justiciar shadowheart non sharran reader/tav angst relationship. sfw. toxic relationship dynamics.

despite how much she cares for you her dedication to shar trumps everything else, it has to if she's in the position of mother superior/dark justiciar. shadowheart isn't blind, she knows it's not a "have your cake and eat it too" situation

but she would still try, in her own way. I think she would keep you at arms length when it comes to anything explicitly about her activities in the cloister, not to be secretive but to spare you the burden of knowledge, to give you deniability. sharrans hunt selunites as well as mystra and lethander worshippers, you don't need to know details of things like that or of the methods used by justiciars for information gathering or punishment

she knows you're not blind either and you are already aware of the more gruesome things shar demands of her faithful but it's her own bare bones attempt at protecting you and hopefully allowing you to maintain a distinction between your version of her and the version of her that can commit acts that are less than merciful for her faith

it's an intense source of shame when she's with you and it plants a tiny seed of resentment in her mind. it's hard to keep in her head that it isn't your fault, she's the one constructing your relationship this way, but still. you inherently make her question her faith and if this balancing act is worth it, which digs a deeper hole in her heart because it's clear to her that she can't have both you and shar

but she still wouldn't be jumping to throw in the towel, not after experiencing real care and love with you after being starved of it for so long. so the internal battle would continue and as it does it'll become more and more difficult for her to keep herself together

there would be more arguments, more irritation, more unclear communication as she doesn't want to directly blame you for whats going on in her head or speak words of doubt into existence regarding her faith, and the walls of separation would soar higher and higher in tandem with her faith bound duty until eventually nearly all of her is walled off to you

but even then she wouldn't be willing to let you go. you can learn to lick love off a knife if it's all you have and she's had a lifetime of doing it for shar, she'll do it with you too. it doesn't matter how explosive or volatile arguments become, she'll say whatever she thinks is necessary to soothe you in the moment and keep some peace until the next storm blows through

it's an uneasy arrangement but eventually it becomes second nature to navigate emotional outbursts or the times you beg her to just talk to you. depending on how many years it's been it also becomes easier for her to simply answer with a "you know I can't" and keep her heart detached against any tearful displays from you

if you do finally attempt to leave I think she would snap, little by little all these cracks and fissures have been forming and that would be like the final step across an icy surface that's too thin to hold up and plunging into subzero water. she wouldn't go full delusional yandere but you're not getting away from her so easily

would frame it constantly as you giving up, being the weak one, being the one unwilling to sacrifice for mutual happiness and her own resentment from her self imposed strain would make the words come out like poison dipped arrows. to her you would be weak and unwilling because she's already done so much, put herself under so much stress just to hold onto you and yet you can't handle even a fraction of the same?

it would be impossible for her to see that it isn't the case, that saying those things to you or about you isn't completely correct because her own view of the relationship has become so warped and years of that stress from her near constant crisis of faith would spill out like floodwater

but, per shars tenants, she would give over that pain and use it in her acts done in shars name. detached brutality or particularly vile subterfuge would become easy for her. there would no longer be any separation between who she is and her role in her religion. it would all become fully one in the same and her faith would only deepen because she would view it as either being rewarded by the goddess or favored by her in some way for remaining faithful despite the difficulties in your relationship. her reward for no longer being burdened by the unfaithful

all her pain and sorrow over your relationship would never be properly dealt with, not even close. it would remain a sore spot, a twin to the wound on her hand that burns constantly no matter how "rewarded" she is by shar for brute forcing her way through it to continue her duty

[ichooseviolence]

Thinking about how Sansa will play a major role in the downfall of the man responsible for kicking off the War of the Five Kings.

And it's not about her becoming a "better schemer" than Littlefinger. She doesn't need to. Littlefinger has been isolating himself more and more through his own scheming, at this point he's doing much of the work for her, and eventually she will realize this. She's already beginning to differentiate between his alter egos, it won't be long before she begins to figure out the different goals and mindsets between Littlefinger and Petyr. And that will definitely require a crazy mind game that she may have to play for a while. This is especially a difficult task as Littlefinger's immediate goals change depending on his situation.

I still see people theorize that she will fully commit to him and his desires, but this the man who is responsible for her father's imprisonment and probably his execution as well. He's responsible for giving her best friend, Jeyne, away to the sadistic monster of Westeros. This is the man who framed Sansa for Joffrey's murder. This is the man who murdered her aunt and is currently attempting to murder her cousin. This is the man who is actively grooming her and sexually molesting her. Sansa will find out about his crimes, maybe all of them or maybe only some. But when the truth is revealed, there will be absolutely no way that she intentionally and willingly remains as his pawn.

"Littlefinger is too smart to be taken down by Sansa." A. Let's stop overestimating this guy. Martin didn't create an invincible mastermind void of weaknesses. He's more of an opportunist and a buyer. Everything he does comes with a price, that includes Sansa. "Now that's deserving of a kiss, don't you think?" B. I'm not suggesting Sansa will take him down singlehandedly. I think she'll do the brunt of the work with her own mind games, but will eventually seek out help from potential allies.

[mixelation]

more reborn au chunin exams ->

so i'm trying to backtrack from my "mission goes wrong" post, which is actually a horrible way to construct a plot, but here we are. anyway this post is therefore about the tournament section of the exam, but to recap: team 4's main goal is to extract a captive from iwa, but the iwa-konoha tensions are still pretty high so it has to look like a legit attempt at pushing a team through the exam. the tournament is the day when they can guarantee basically everyone in the village is distracted, so that's the day they pick to do the actual extraction. it's also a day when the entire team has to be seen publically

tori: well i'm not a combat shinobi, so i'll just get out on my first match

kushina: NO >:( you can totally be a combat kunoichi if you try!!!

tori: why are you like this

so i think part of tori's character arc for this section is that she's like. significantly more badass than she thinks she is. it's not that she's a particularly gifted fighter-- it's that my goal for late-plasticity tori is that through wit, creativity, a few minutes of prep time and lot of experimental fuinjutsu, she can actually take out an experienced ninja. she's just having a very hard time integrating "while in the heat of battle!!" into her sense of self.

tori about to wander into unknown circumstances where she can pretend to be a cute little civilian girl: yeah no i got this. idk i'll just make something up. it'll be fine.

tori facing a carefully set up fight: wait no i'll die

both itachi and deidara are both like "aren't you fighting some dweeb? you can't THROW your match people will notice" meanwhile tori is like. no i think there's a very high chance i will try and then just fail

B U T itachi has the match right after her, so if she wins, she'll be up against him next. (we just assume itachi will win, obviously.) i was thinking about how canon made sasuke vs gaara a first round match and how that seems like bad seeding to me if that was the match most people wanted to see..... like i know it was decided "randomly," but..... c'mon. so i decided they made it a first round match because that's how they could GUARANTEE this high-profile match.

so i decided first round for this should be itachi vs kurotsuchi 0:)

the OTHER part of tori's character arc is that despite coming off as "the nice one," she is phenomenally bad about thinking about her teammates as people she should be looking out for and actively protecting. tori understand the benefits of teamwork in theory, obviously-- she's just used to having to actively fight whoever she's working with the entire way, and also maybe one day they will just kill her for no reason.

so tori's chunin exam plan is thus: win her fight with minimal effort so she's fresh as possible to fight itachi, and also fuck up itachi's match as much as she can. so instead of extended training montage or whatever, she buddies up with kurotsuchi tells her how to fight itachi. not like, treasonous amounts of info-- but she warns her he favors genjutsu and stuff like that. also i'm not 100% on how she wins her first match yet, but i'm thinking it involved lies to make the other guy panic and give up, possibly with a low-effort assist from kurotsuchi? (think nibe's fight in homemade dynamite)

anyway kushina is like "nooooo D; tori what are you DOING" because yeah kunoichi are tricky people but WHY DID YOU SELL YOUR TEAMMATE OUT TO THE TSUCHIKAGE'S GRANDDAUGHTER ARE YOU INSANE

tori: ??? itachi? he'll be fine. look, he won

and then i want the tori vs itachi fight to be like. good. like she's not going to win, but she does make him work for it*

*part of it is that itachi doesn't want to seriously injure her, and tori looked deep inside her heart and decided she would beat itachi to a bloody paste if given the opportunity

tori limps out of her fight, and taking her to medical is kushina's excuse for why they both dip out of the tournament early.

EDIT: iwa does not pass any of them for petty bullshit reasons they just make up.

minato, reading the report they send a month after they've blown up 80% of the demolition corps: hilarious. anyway you're all still genin

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VK/M] What's In A Kaname?

Before I dive into my thoughts concerning some recent happenings in the horror show that is VK/M, I figured I'd set the stage with a preliminary dive into the skeletal structure of Kaname's narrative arc from the original VK. If this is triggering to anyone, well, take it up with Hino.

I don't know why I've never done a deep dive into the skeletal structure of Kaname's narrative arc before, but I think it's because we were always waiting for the "big reveal" of his "great plans" that never came. Instead of sitting in that mode of thinking, I've changed perspectives for this exercise--I'm now looking only at what is ACTUALLY there once you strip away the dumb things that don't matter (like the vampiric politicking that never goes anywhere with Hino because this is a love story at its heart). Going into this without preconceived notions or expectations for "narrative twists" made it easier to parse what is actually in Hino's story. And once I did that, I found a very straight-forward, simple arc for Kaname. It'll take a minute to detail first, but I'll lay it out simply at the end.

We'll start post-time skip because the first part of the story is mostly Kaname working in the background without much narrative thrust.

Night 49: Kaname obtains what he's wanted--Yuuki is now a vampire, is in a relationship with him, and is estranged from Zero. Kaname thinks that he and Yuuki will be in loving bliss from now on.

Night 49-50: Things don't go as Kaname planned. Yuuki struggles with using her fangs on him, even though he wants her to and encourages her. Initially he thinks this is due to her humanity interfering with her vampiric side (6 months into the time skip). Their relationship stagnates while she starves herself. No progress. He's stuck in the "bro zone." As far as any super plans, he has none at this time outside of Yuuki.

Night 51-52: Kaname discovers Yuuki has attempted to not only bite herself, but also take blood tablets from Aidou. This shouldn't even be a thing when Kaname is a willing blood source for her--not only does he love her, but he's a Pureblood. She shouldn't be able to resist either of those two things, not when she loves him. Whelp, unfortunately for him, she confesses her heart is still attached to that Zero guy. But that's ok because she loves Kaname too, right? Whelp, about that...Yuuki won't admit she loves Kaname either and instead acts sorry while beating around the bush about it. Their interaction ends with Kaname placing a restriction on her eating--she'll have to take blood from him and no one else.

Night 52-54: Now that Yuuki is drinking blood from him and has confessed to having feelings for Zero, Kaname needs to test the depth of those feelings. He's reassessing where their relationship stands in light of this new information. He takes Yuuki to a ball with Zero, making sure to give her ample time to interact with him. Zero fails to drive home the estrangement, and Yuuki emerges from the ball more determined than ever to help Zero.

A sub-point here is this is when Kaname's Plan A begins. This plan is never detailed explicitly in the story, but I believe his Plan A was to gather all the Pureblood bloodline strains into Zero and then transform Zero into the cure (likely by killing him).

Night 56-59: Yuuki leaves the house (with Kaname's knowledge) for the first time in order to go and do what she can to help Zero. She runs into Touma and is injured. Zero appears. Kaname watches from a distance via remote-viewing from his familiars, keeping tabs on things but letting them play out because he's still testing Yuuki's feelings for Zero.

Night 60: While injured, Yuuki nearly bites Zero. She only stops because she a.) wants to savor him and b.) snaps out of her stupor to realize that she's in the arms of the man who supposedly wants to kill her. None of her motivations are Kaname-related, but she does run back to Kaname.

Night 61: Kaname is furious with Yuuki because she basically betrayed him entirely and revealed that her feelings for Zero are stronger than her feelings for him. His recourse now is to try to force her feelings to shift toward him. The best way to do that is to break down her image of him as her brother so that she'll see him as a man.

Night 62-64: Kaname drains Yuuki to the point where she has no choice but to drink from him and then sends her down memory lane. His plan backfires, though. Rather than seeing him as a man, she sees her own feelings for Zero in his feelings for the Hooded Woman and she also sees the utter darkness in his heart.

Night 65-66: Yuuki awakens and Kaname tests her feelings to see if she has changed her mind about him. He tries to see if she was jealous about the Hooded Woman, but gets a neutral response from Yuuki. He then asks how Yuuki sees him now. The best that Yuuki can offer him is that she adored him as her brother and senpai, but that she doesn't know who he is as the ancestor, and that she'd like to start over fresh with him. This is NOT what Kaname wanted. He wanted her to see him as a man and realize she loved him romantically. The answer here becomes obvious--he needs to accelerate Plan A (Zero cure) and get rid of the "interference" in his relationship with Yuuki. But the only way he can do this is of course if Yuuki doesn't know what's going on. So he gives her one last test--stay home and wait for his return. Yuuki fails the test.

Night 67-82ish: Kaname dumps Yuuki back onto Zero after he kills Aidou's father (and yes, I do believe Aidou's father is dead--we've never seen him in VK/M, not even for Aidou's wedding, and Ruka did not seem like she was creating an illusion for Kaname at this time), and then begins to initiate Plan A. This mostly involves him letting Sara run around, drinking and attacking Purebloods, and Kaname wandering around after her cleaning up the mess. Sara is then driven into Zero's vicinity, and Kaname allows Zero to drink from her. At this time Kaname has no plans for Yuuki outside of perhaps planning to turn her human again if she doesn't take well to the Zero-dying thing.

Night 83-88: Kaname breaks into Hunter Headquarters, but he doesn't do so in order to "find" the forge--he just "discovers" the forge, which implies his Forge Plan is Plan B. When he enters headquarters, he's still operating under Plan A (which I assume is the Zero cure). Zero and Yuuki catch up to him here, and Yuuki cuts her hair to signal her determination. Kaname, upon seeing the forge again, decides to open up to the idea of Plan B (a.k.a. he becomes the forge in the Hooded Woman's stead). He releases the Hooded Woman and runs.

Night 89: Yuuki returns to Kaname after having taken Zero's memories and destroyed her relationship with him. At this point, Kaname is ready to abandon both Plan A and Plan B if Yuuki genuinely wants a real romantic relationship with him. He attempts to suss this out by sleeping with her. After all, she gave up Zero for him! Surely she loves him!

Night 90-92: Kaname realizes all's not well in paradise; Yuuki appears to still want to turn him human even after sleeping together and her reaction once they both wake up is to huddle in blankets and accusing both of them of not deserving to be in Zero's presence. Kaien "sends" Zero over to Kaname, but I suspect Kaname requested Zero as yet another test for Yuuki. Kaname tests the strength of Zero's memory loss and finds it solid; he then tests whether or not Zero has feelings for Yuuki even without his memories and whether Yuuki still loves Zero without his memories. Kaname finds both are still true, and he picks Plan B back up again. At this point he's intending to have Isaya turn Yuuki because Zero has no memories. This also still "removes" Yuuki from Zero. Unfortunately for him, Zero regains his memories.

Night 93: Kaname completes Plan B, placing his heart in the forge and unloading his last thoughts onto Yuuki. She can't even give him a final grand love confession--the best she can offer him is wishing she'd never been born. Kaname gives up at last at the idea that he held a major place in her heart and wishes her and Zero well.

VKM begins.

This long ramble was merely to demonstrate the justification for the following skeletal arc for Kaname:

Nights 49-68 (before Kaname leaves Yuuki):

Gets Yuuki, separates her from Zero, gets Zero positioned perfectly for devouring purebloods. -> Finds out Yuuki doesn't actually love him, but thinks he can overcome this because, well, he's her master and a Pureblood, and we know from his past history that this can overcome love. -> Tests the strength of Yuuki's love for Zero while setting up Sara to gather bloodlines for Zero for Plan A -> Realizes Yuuki's love for Zero is stronger than expected -> Gets butthurt and tries to salvage Yuuki's feelings for him via changing her perspective on him with his memories -> Fails. Decides to pursue Plan A to get Zero out of the way.

Nights 69-93 (after leaving Yuuki):

Follows Sara and stirs up events to get Sara to gather Pureblood lineages and take them to Zero. -> Discovers Forge location. -> Plan B now an option (become forge). -> Nearly discards both Plan A AND Plan B when Yuuki takes Zero's memories. -> Gives up on Yuuki entirely after he has sex with her and nothing changes and she still shows signs of preferring Zero. -> Goes full bore into Plan B because it's the easiest and he can still separate Yuuki from Zero via Isaya. -> Fails to separate Yuuki from Zero and accepts his fate while succeeding at Plan B.

In the shortest sense, we simply have: After the timeskip, Kaname thinks he's won Yuuki's heart and can sacrifice Zero for Plan A, the Zero Cure. He discovers he's wrong about both and, after first attempting to win Yuuki's heart one last time, ultimately changes his plan to Plan B, becoming the forge. The end.

There is nothing in Kaname's arc that suggests he ever once felt secure in Yuuki's romantic love for him, and this is the key reason he follows through with Plan B.

What this shows me is Kaname is a shit for beans planner. He just throws things against the wall to see if they stick. The reason he seems "mysterious" is that he's always changing his mind, not that he has a master plan. His main motivation is to get in Yuuki's pants, and when he can't get that it's either kill the guy she actually loves (Zero) or kill himself. It's obvious how toxic he is when you break down the structure of the story and remove all Hino's flowery language and artwork. There's just nothing positive here to work with--he's literally the villain of the story.

The reason I wanted to work through Kaname's narrative skeleton here is because the latest chapter has a hint that Plan A (kill Zero for Zero cure) really did exist. There's tons of evidence for "a" Plan A in the original story of course--Kaname letting Sara run free, Kaname silencing Aidou's dad for investigating, Kaname disliking letting Zero drink from Sara but saying it's "necessary" (necessary for what, certainly not the forge plan!), Kaname seeming to only realize where the forge even was AFTER he entered Hunter Headquarters, implying he was there for a different purpose before discovering the forge's location.

Yuuki in the story assumes Kaname was always trying to become the forge, and because she's the protagonist, we're meant to assume that too in the original story. But I think there's enough evidence to suggest Kaname had a Plan A that involved the Pureblood lineages and Zero. The most logical conclusion is that it's the Zero cure, which lines up both with his attempt to reverse the Hooded Woman's sacrifice in the past AND with his "surprise" at discovering Ichiru and Zero were Hunter twins. It also explains his early involvement with Shizuka, which hasn't been narratively resolved yet. It's still just hanging in the breeze, waiting for someone to fold it up and put it back in the closet.

This is a long-winded way of saying the Zero Cure is BACK ON THE MENU, BABIES! More contemporary thoughts later!

[billys-pretty-babe]

Would It Be Better

Pairing : Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

Summary : Billy's girlfriend struggles a lot with her mental health and he feels like he can't do anything for her but just hold her and tell her she'll be okay.

Warnings : Depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, mentions of past self-harm (cutting), brief mention of a failed suicide attempt (overdose), Billy cries a little, swearing, angst, fluff at the end

Word count : 838 words

A/N : This piece is dealing with many heavy topics that I have been dealing with for the past nearly four months. Please, please, please read the warnings because many of them are triggering and I will completely understand if you skip this. Don't be afraid to reach out if you need help. OOC!Billy.

He didn't know what to do. His heart raced, his brain pounded against his skull, his palms began to sweat. He heard the comment she made today in class, she whispered it under her breath but still he heard it.

"Maybe it would be better if I just left forever."

Now he sat in her room, her face looked lifeless, her eyes lost all light and it pained him, he swore his heart was going to stop. "Baby," he quietly said, "I want to help you but you gotta tell me what's going on." She sniffled and wiped her face, her hands covered by the red lifeguard hoodie that she adorned, the red lifeguard hoodie that she stole from him months prior during the summer, claiming he didn't need it.

"B, it's too hot for a hoodie. You don't need it right now."

His closet never saw the hoodie again. the hanger now had no purpose, just like how his girlfriend felt, purposeless, hopeless, worthless. "It h-hurts," she stuttered out, her breath trying not to catch in her throat. "What hurts, baby? Can you tell me?" She patted her chest twice and he wasn't sure if it was because she was crying or if an anxiety attack was going to start.

Billy moved closer to her, sitting on the edge of her bed and she reached for his hand and he let her take it as she squeezed it tightly, trying to reassure herself that he was indeed there with her. "Are you getting bad again," he softly asked and she nodded, not wanting to break down in front of him, she had to be strong, she had to be.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She shrugged, her breath choppy as she tried to inhale. "Didn't want to bu-burden you." He shook his head, "No, there's another reason, tell me what it is." She shook her head, her hands fidgeting and Billy caught it. "Are you cutting again?" She shook her head, "No."

"Can I see?" She nodded, putting her arms out and Billy rolled the sleeves up, her arms clean besides the fading scars that she made months ago, when he first found out about her depression. He fixed the sleeves, kissing her hands gently as he held them. "Tell me what's going on. I'm not gonna get upset, okay? It's not good to keep your stuff bottled up." She nodded and breathed, trying to calm herself down.

"I wanna die," she softly said, trying to make her voice soft enough that he wouldn't hear it but he did and his heart stopped and his stomach dropped. The same feeling he gets on rollercoasters and he hates rollercoasters, seen final destination too many times. "I feel so worthless and so useless, like I shouldn't be here." Billy squeezed her hand, letting her talk. "When did you start thinking like this?" She shrugged, "Last night."

Billy nodded, "Did you plan on," he had to stop himself, his throat was tightening at the thought of burying his girlfriend and he cleared his throat, "did you plan on doing it?" Seconds went by and no response, "I don't know," her voice was weak, ready to give up. "It's just too much, Billy and I don't know if I can keep going." Billy bit his lip, trying not to cry, he couldn't cry in front of her now.

"And I love you, I love you so much, B but it just hurts so fucking badly," she was breaking in front of him, everything crumbling before him. "Do you remember what I told you after you tried to take those pills?" She nodded, not looking at him before speaking, "You go, I go." Billy nodded, "Exactly because goddamnit, I can't fucking do this without you. I know it's hard but baby, I'm here, okay?"

He paused for a moment, his vision blurred with his tears as a few fell onto their connected hands. "I know it's hard to talk about this stuff but I'm not going to bury my fucking girlfriend all because I couldn't save her, do you understand?" She nodded and fell into his chest, her body shaking as she cried and Billy held her tightly because now he knew that she could slip through his grasp.

"I love you and I need you here with me. We can get you help but you have to be honest, you can't sugarcoat like you usually do." She nodded against his chest and Billy kissed the top of her head, holding her head tightly to his chest so she could listen to his heartbeat, how it beats for her. He rubbed her back with his other hand, letting her cry against him as he put his head on hers and cried with her.

They held each other tightly, too afraid to let go of each other but they knew she would get the help she needed and Billy knew that everything would be okay, whenever she decided that it would be okay.