#she'd be so proud of me

[cowboylikedean]

It's just I felt really bad and came back in my room and turned the light to cool and the brightness up and immediately started feeling better. I know I just posted abput it but like bright cool light being my mental health's saving grace is as much a fact to me as open doors and windows, the living room, connection. I feel like me again. I bought a candle for mom when I was at walmart. it's her favorite color and the scent is something I think she'd have enjoyed. I cleaned a bit in here and tried to close the door but my anxiety spiked again so its open. I can hear the cicadas from my bedroom window. I turned the tv backlight from 20 (what's been its max) to 70. idk man I'm just... healing, I think.

[fella-lovin-fella]

not to get incredibly sentimental, but my sister died 2 days before she turned 23, and i turn 23 in 3 months. it's hard to think about being older than my older sister. I'm getting this drawing tattooed on me for my birthday this year so i'll always have a part of her with me. anyway i hope you like the drawing :p

adding to the last drawing my sister ever did :)

(ID in alt text)

[pinkmoonmp3]

josh hartnett via instagram

[splattacks]

[kenobion]

Andrew Garfield on Live Kelly and Ryan

[spotaus]

Dang, that redraw hits hard in 2024 🙏

Below are the old versions! (The left is my very very literally first drawing of Ichor! The others followed a few months/years later-)

Some design breakdowns under the cut!

Okay, okay-

^this guy!! I drew him on my janky old laptop with a tiny lil drawing pad right after my Mlp phase in middleschool. He was one of my first designs and I'll confidently say the first utmv oc who made it onto a drawing format. At the time I refused to draw hands correctly and drew claws instead- Ichor here still had his name "Ichor" and was supposed to be a combo between Reaper and Red. He had his chains because he was a fickle God of death who needed to be held back by his fellow gods lest he wreak havoc on the surface. I love this design to death, mostly because I always think back on it to see how far I've come and how Ichor's been here forever! (Note that here he doesn't have his iconic gold tooth or purple arm. His clawed hands inspired me for the purple arm though, and the one spiked white tooth eventually became his gold tooth!)

^ This is post iPad acquisition thanks to my school getting some new funding. I don't think I drew this on procreate but I can't remember the name of the app smh. This version of Ichor was similar to the old one. Less bent on destruction, more just a trickster. (This one and the other one always fell into 'Teenage' vibes). Now he has shoes, the gold tooth, and the arm! Though he still has both eyelights and the 'crack' in his socket is still a gold scar instead. This *is* where I gave him his gray pants, but the slash on his jacket... uhh... swapped directions?? Idk about that one- But fun fact! The spot on his jacket is a mark of how he'd be killed one day if that came to pass! He doesn't know, no one does, but it's true! Old prophecy locked up somewhere in the Ruins. (Actually, Toriel might be aware.) His arm here is super desaturated because I wanted to keep it a minor detail. That changes very quickly 👀

^ He's lanky af!!! I always go through a phase of drawing things too short, then too tall. Welcome to Ichor's Way Too Tall phase! I wanted him to be big and chunky but uhh. That 'silhouette' talk got to me. Here the biggest differences? The hand is out of the pocket and includes his sword! (Which is Canon still) The scarf is here too! At first the scarf was a gift from Reward, then it was from Reward being killed, then it was just a bold fashion choice?(I settled on it being a gift from Reward again, to help him cover the collar) His socket is finally empty, the crack is there too. His teeth are all straight besides the one gold tooth, and the hand is very purple this time. The lore I wanna mention in this bit is the soul! It's constantly been a pale yellow, but here it has a hole in it! This isn't something that stocks, but the idea of it does. Ichir's chains prevent him from healing with his godly magic, so he's stuck on 1 hp. The god's souls are naturally gold, abd here, Ichor's soul was wounded when he was captured, so he's slowly been fighting off death. (In the final version his soul is white with fading gold, showing how his magic is restricted)

^Honorable mention jumpscare because this is actually a sticker I made about 2 years ago? Not exactly the same pose but it was definitely inspired and it shows how certain elements have stuck around since the last doodle. (This sticker is currently on a sketchbook at my house lmao-)

^And then current! I used to be allergic to using the same colors twice, so he used to have different shades of yellow abd gold everywhere. Now the yellow/gold is all the same! His eyebags (which started in the Lanky era) are more pronounced, he's more classic-shaped than he's ever been, and as per usual I don't think I drew his purple hand right. But! He's my boy, and that's what matters! Side note: His chains aren't visible here, but that's because I've decided that he prefers to hide them. His sleeves are puffy so he can tuck them away, his scarf covers the length of the chain on his collar, etc. It just doesn't make narrative sense that he'd leave them exposed like that. He's also in his old man era finally! Been trying to draw him like this fir years!!!

[six-of-snakes]

somtimes a boy's just gotta recognize the girl he used to be and acknowledge what she did for him and then move on to keep living his life knowing she's watching proud of what he's done

[acourtofquestions]

“He'd deceived her, had lied to her. This man who she'd believed held no secrets between them. She didn't know why it made her want to shred everything within sight.”

— cause um… as you just said Miss Manon YOU CARE (& it’s even giving Chaolaena vibes in the I CARE way)… so like all I’m saying is you love him duh?

[bookwyrminspiration]

im the only person in class today 2 hours one on one language instruction (yippee!) (i'm dead on the floor)

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Sean's grandma, who passed away last week at 96, in the 40s and early 50s based on the clothing. She always loved to be put together, and she was so bubbly and sweet and kind. I only knew her as a sweet old lady with a witty sense of humor that she shared with her husband and passed to her children. I love these photos. Seeing that the brightness and light that I've known for 20 years was always there. She and Sean's grandpa travelled all over. He won sales contests at work and they got to go on several European trips as a reward. Grandpa told us about winning the contest to go to Italy when he drove us to the airport in 2019.

Grandpa has Alzheimers, and he so clearly worked hard to remember what was happening as we all showed up for the funeral. After we got through the ceremony, I ended up being the only one sitting with him in the living room, and he told me several stories over and over. Where he grew up. What his military service was like (he trained on howitzers and other large guns after being drafted for Korea). And he told me two stories I will hold very dear for the rest of my life:

He was working at Sears & Roebuck, and there was going to be a company party. A work friend asked if he was bringing anyone, and he said no, he wasn't. The work friend said, "Well, I think I know someone you'll like."

"And then he introduced me to my wife," is how Grandpa finishes that story.

And the other: After his service in Korea, he was discharged sort of by surprise. He was in Japan, and was told "Get on that truck." He figured he was getting reassigned. It was only when he showed up at the headquarters did he find out he was getting discharged. He got on a boat and got dropped off in Seattle. He called Grandma to get him. She did. And they married shortly after.

She will be deeply missed. I'll never forget going to their house my first Easter I was dating Sean. It was the first time meeting his grandparents and his aunt and uncle and cousins. I had super itchy eyes all day, and the next day, I had to call Sean and tell him to call the family and tell them I'd had pinkeye while I was there. Somehow, no one else caught it.

The last thing the pastor did at Grandma's service was have us do a call and response they always use at Easter. I'm not religious at all, but to have that be the closing moment, from Easter to Easter, it felt really nice.

[f1owermoon]

ahhhhh i just came across my end of degree project :')

[arcadian-vampire]

Also here's one of the wasps Chi Chai caught for me a few years ago 💕💖💕❤️💕💖 I wanna get a little jar to put it in, but for now it's still in a ziplock bag with the paper I used to pick it up 🎉

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

Me: so everyone I know is growing up or moving on to better things and I'll have to learn how to be alone with myself

Me: alright I can do this

Me: yeah, yeah I got this, I've been getting so good

Me: hey I actually really like having the house to myse-

Me: (proceeds to have abandonment issues worse than a preschoolers first day of school and runs around the house like a kid that lost their parent at the grocery store)

[silverselfshippingchaos]

this line is really cute

[telomirage]

me: nervous about my first fansign experience despite being assured it was just as fast as hi touch

my first fansign experience: EXTREMELY POSITIVE and also so fast I feel like I blacked out and can't remember the order the members were sitting in (except for that I think Haruna might have been first and Tsuki was definitely last in line at the table)

I went through the line saying hi hello thank you, etc etc to everyone and I'm still riding the high of 1) one member telling me she liked my hair and thought it was pretty, 2) another member brightening up over my eyeliner + gems and saying I looked pretty, and 3) tsuki signing my album, looking up, and pausing with the album held aloft to tell me I was very pretty before handing the album to the staff so they'd give it back to me :')

[barrymccaulkinem]

so apparently my mother is feeling overwhelmed again

if i suddenly stop posting forever its bc she slipped back into imagining im what she wishes i was (able) so she can be mad at me instead of herself, and really pushed me into a corner. maybe i survived but she made me homeless. i tend to catastrophize so lets hope this is just that and it goes away