#she’s unsteallable

[literallythestrongestever]

If the Anon calls my husband a bitch again I’m letting myself get stolen and knackering this cunt up. Don’t fuck with me. Be polite and respectful or go shove your ass in the dumpster and I’ll add garbage to your hole to stuff it with something akin to your personality. Fuck you. Don’t. Fuck. With. My. Husband.

and this is her feeling generous 💅

[iunctura-arch]

@dnangelic:

CAN YOU UNSTEAL THIS TRUCK PLEASE PLEASE!!!

"I've never driven a truck before but I can probably figure it out and get it back to where it came from."

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

OK, because ya'll need to hear it.

THERE WAS NOTHING OZZIE COULD HAVE DONE IN THAT TRIAL. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. "Oh, but Foxxe, he could have spoken up!" Bee did! And she was instantly brushed off and shut up. She barely got so much as an acknowledgement. Vassago did! And he was also shut down. Hard. He got more of a say then Bee did, likely because he was taken more seriously than the silly, childish Sin of Gluttony, but still no one even pretended to listen to him. Moxxie did. Blitz himself did. Did none of you hear what Blitz said at the end? Because he was right and it was true. Satan was never going to listen to anyone. Maybe, maybe if they'd managed to vote in a proper trial, he would have been forced to, but the rational people in the room lost the vote. The only reason Stolas got heard was because he made such a big scene, made himself impossible to ignore- and was the point of the trial in the first place. "Oh, but Foxxe, the crystal!" Cool, cool. So that means nothing. No, really. The crystal means fuck all. Even if this trial weren't rigged, even if anyone was willing to listen, even if people actually thought Blitz had done something wrong and didn't just not give a shit- Blitz still acquired his means to earth illegally in the first place. Just because you buy a car years later doesn't unsteal the one you stole in your teens, and it doesn't make that suddenly not illegal. Now, Stolas gave Blitz access to the book, but that's still illegal (apparently) and even if it wasn't, it's pretty clear that's not what he's actually on trial for. He's 'on trial' for supposedly raping, assaulting, manipulating, and stealing from a Goetia. They're making Blitz out to be the monster Stella really is. It's not just about the book, and even if it was, the crystal would not undo the illegal actions taken originally. "Oh, but Foxxe, he could have said something about Striker!!" Oh, right, cool, yeah. But, uh, one question. Why???? It's not like the council thinks Striker is some good-faith high-class excellent beacon of shining morale. They know he's an assassin. He is literally here to get amnesty. What is Ozzie going to say? "Oh, this guy who kills people for a living? He tried to kill my boyfriend!" Um, duh, of course he did, no shit, he's a POS. If anything, that would easily be twisted to make Blitz look like a psychopath who set Striker on Fizz, too. And it would have brought Ozzie's relationship with Fizzie out onto the table, which is a can of worms no one wants to deal with.

Yes, they're open now, but fuck only knows if Satan or any of the other sins know that- and even if they do, it puts Ozzie's words/testimony in nebulous light because Blitz is Fizzie's friend, and Fizzie is Ozzie's lover. Plus, as a 'dirty imp fucker' Ozzie may well dig everyone's hole even deeper and further complicate the situation. Ozzie is flat-out-stated to be the 'weakest and least threatening' of the Sins. Satan is the strongest, save perhaps Luci himself, who isn't fucking there because he's currently in a room buried up to the Goddamn neck in rubber duckies and having a fucking crisis while his people and his domain sort of fall down around his stupid adorable ears. Ozzie's not going to pick a fight he can't win. Because he wouldn't win it. Satan would flatten him and we all fucking know it. Even if he did go scorched earth and just start a Goddamn fight in the courtroom, what does that solve? Precisely nothing. You would, best case scenario, have I.M.P on the run, Ozzie a traitor, and Stolas and Blitz still in their Divorce Era, miserable and alone, now with added Half of Hell on their Heels for extra emotional and mental damage! So, in summation- Ozzie couldn't do jack fucking all in that trial. And to hope that Fizzie hates him, is angry with him, or they break up over this is really small and silly and absolutely does not do justice to the characters- and I'm not even getting into some of the flanderizing bullshit I see saying Ozzie is racist and implying that his relationship with Fizzie isn't as healthy as it seems and it's all about to come to light. I'm not saying Fizz can't be mad. I'm not saying they don't need to talk. I'm not saying it's not traumatic and stressful or doesn't need to be addressed. I'm saying that ultimately Ozzie's hands were fucking tied and that a ten year plus relationship is not a lie that is about to fall apart or crack. And if it does, I'm going to be pretty disappointed in Vivz. (I'll keep loving the show, of course, just be disappointed.) I'm saying that ya'll need to stop acting like Ozzie is an evil, hypocritical, or selfish douchebag for not flinging himself on the pyre pointlessly. I'm saying that while I think it will be addressed, I really think ultimately Fizz is a compassionate, intelligent, empathetic person who will understand why Ozzie couldn't do anything and will be glad the man he loves- the man he loves, ya'll- did not cut off his nose to spite his face.

[doylldonmagar]

I saw Megan Whalen Turner is doing a giveaway for her series The Queen's Thief, and so I'm taking this opportunity as an excuse to talk about my favorite books of all time. I'm not even kidding, I absolutely adore these books.

The first book follows a thief, a king's right hand man, 2 court interns, and a bodyguard, as they travel to steal the unstealable.

I'm not a fan of road trip books or of fantasy kingdom type books, but these books are pure gold.

The cast is all complex and realistic characters, there are disabilities, and positive representation. There is a female MC who is pretty and smart, as well as a female MC who is unattractive by social standards and is smart. There are female friendships. There are male friendships. There are healthy relationships. There are plot twists (that's saying something coming from me, because I grew up always guessing the ending of books). The characters actually get injured and their injuries don't just go away after a chapter or when it's convenient for the plot. Off the top of my head, I cant think of plotlines that are unreasonable (within the world) - like no duex ex machina, and no catastrophes with perfect and easy solutions. There's character growth. There are funny characters, and some romance, and complain-y characters who aren't annoyingly whiney.

My little sister is dyslexic - these books are some of the only books she has ever enjoyed. It's been months since I finished reading them allowed to her, and she still tells me how sad she is that we've finished all the books.

So please go read these books (or at least the first. You can stop there if you don't love it, but you probably will)

Also avoid looking at fanart or fandom posts because you will get spoilers

[bookcub]

another great trope leverage has with parker in hardison is how they are each other's biggest cheerleaders. parkers like, hardsions the only one who can hack the lock this quickly, he can steal an unstealable car, he's amazing. and hardison is like, parker is fearless, she can break into anything, and so supportive when she tries grifting

<3<3<3<3<3<3

[geekcavepodcast]

"What If...?" Series Has Galactus Handing Out the Power Cosmic

Marvel Comics has announced a series of What If...? comic one-shots that explores what happens if Galactus turns various heroes into his cosmic heralds. The "lucky" recipients of the Power Cosmic are Hulk, Gambit, Moon Knight, Rogue, and Spider-Gwen. The heros' new cosmic looks are designed by Ron Lim, who also provides the comic book covers.

What If...? Galactus Transformed Hulk #1 hails from Mat Groom and Lan Medina. The Hulk has been conscripted into Galactus' service, but what is more dangerous, the Hulk's fury or Bruce Banner's brain?

What If...? Galactus Transformed Hulk #1 goes on sale on January 1, 2025.

What If...? Galactus Transformed Gambit #1 hails from Josh Trujillo and Manuel Garcia. Gambit's charm and unmatched thieving abilities have caught Galactus' eye. With the Power Cosmic can Gambit "steal the unstealable?"

What If...? Galactus Transformed Gambit #1 goes on sale on January 8, 2025.

What If...? Galactus Transformed Moon Knight #1 hails from Alex Segura, Scot Eaton, and Cam Smith. Galactus clashes with Khonshu and Moon Knight is caught in the middle. To keep the peace, Moon Knight becomes a herald of Galactus, but the Power Cosmic is manifesting in new ways due to his alters. Can Moon Knight conquer these powers and some former heralds in time to save the Earth?

What If...? Galactus Transformed Moon Knight #1 goes on sale on January 15, 2025.

What If...? Galactus Transformed Rogue #1 hails from Ann Nocenti and Stephen Byrne. Young Rogue has absorbed Silver Surfer's Power Cosmic, blessing her with incredible power, but also cursing her to be Galactus' new herald.

What If...? Galactus Transformed Rogue #1 goes on sale on January 22, 2025.

What If...? Galactus Transformed Spider-Gwen #1 hails from Kalinda Vazquez and Daniel Picciotto. Spider-Gwen comes to the aid of a wounded herald, causing her to be enlisted into Galactus' service. During her new role of surveying the galaxy, Gwen encounters a world that reminds her of home. Can she ally with it's residents to battle against cosmic forces?

What If...? Galactus Transformed Spider-Gwen #1 goes on sale on January 29, 2025.

(Images via Marvel Comics - Ron Lim's Covers of What If...? Galactus Transformed Hulk #1, What If...? Galactus Transformed Gambit #1, What If...? Galactus Transformed Moon Knight #1, What If...? Galactus Transformed Rogue #1, and What If...? Galactus Transformed Spider-Gwen #1)

[luck-and-larceny]

Hello!! ( ＾◡＾)っ♡ Please tell me Malika's favourite heist story!! What's the best thing she's yoinked?? How good did she look doing it?!?! (I mean we know the answer is amazing, but please tell me anyway) Thank youuu!!

((What the heck!? This is such an incredibly nice message to receive! Thank you so much for the surprise question. Now I'm all happy and smiley!))

“I stole the Untouchable Heart. That sounds like I ran away with the heart of someone who swore they'd never fall in love and…well… I've probably done that, too.

But what I'm talking about in this case is a gemstone, a rare padparadscha— am I saying that right? Whatever, pretty sure it means “kinda pinkish colored”-- sapphire about the size of my fist and worth millions or billions or trillions– I dunno, a lot– of gil.

Here's the deal: I don't especially care about gemstones. And I absolutely don't give a flying fuck about gil.

But I do care about stories, challenges, and spite. I also have a terrible compulsion to touch everything– especially when told I can't. It's really their fault for calling it “untouchable.” Maybe I could have left it alone otherwise. Honestly, I’m the victim here!

The story was this gemstone was created when two lovers whose nations were at war elected to be killed in each other’s embrace rather than live a life apart. Their blood mingled and became this sapphire, a physical manifestation of their everlasting love.

Only those who accepted that the lovers were meant to be together could actually touch the sapphire, so though rulers from both nations wanted ownership, it could never be retrieved by them.

So what LUCK that one of the absolute shadiest collectors in Ul'dah was able to get this into his personal collection and charge people ridiculous amounts of money just to look at it. I hear he had a whole performance he did where he'd tell the story and then make a show of how he was able to touch it. No one else was allowed to try to touch it, of course, unless they paid him even more money.

The story was definitely just made up to get people to pay to look at a big pink gemstone about the size of a heart. A super cliche story that works as clever marketing. Gotta give him props for that. Alas, also gotta steal it from and give it to the people for free! It's my own personal curse; I must steal the unstealable, touch the untouchable, and make greedy millionaires, billionaires, or trillionaires– I don't fucking know– cry.”

((To be continued! But only because I started writing with no plan in mind at all and the story got so long so very quickly. I promise to finish this heist and have Malika tell you how good she looked doing it later– I'm sure she'll be nothing but honest! And thank you again! <3))

[random-conspiracy]

I want to write and draw something about my fortune teller OC. Guys, she's my first OC. Like, literally.

And she understands the world via teh decks she uses. For instance, she begins seeing the world in black and white (or should I say, black and red hashahs) because she only knows poker. So she has a very mechanic POV of how things and people work. Very straightforward and low-key static.

Now, when she founds Tarot, she discovers a whole new experience, and now the world has color and drama as she goes from her little hometown village to the big city. Now fate is not just some lines that go from A to B like the girl that marries a guy, has kids and has almost all her life already pretty clear.

Now is chaos, but art and magic, now is movement and sudden changes and she's high-key losing it ahshahsa.

I need a name for her btw. Annabeth is a nice wink but nah, maybe Elisabeth but that's also pretty cliche. Cassandra is a NOnoNOno ajsahs. Mary-Something? perhaps?

Also she's a freak and steals bread for funsies. But feels guilty after doing it and then does the Joana Indi sheaningans of un-stealing the loaf back. But they catched her! But she was unstealing that thing it isn't fair that they think she's a thief! I mean she's a thief, but they didn't catch her stealing it but giving it back. Also she was GIVING it back, as far as they know she may as well had fighted with some goons for it and then as the good girl she is gave it back but noooooooooooooooooooooo, GOD FORBID women do good thigs, she's always the criminal, isn't she. Well fuck you!!!

*steals your bread*

She's not gonna eat it, she felt bad again and now is sitting in the dock, sad, with a soggy loaf of bread.

[mysteriouslee]

DAY 18-19

lee!Sasha ler!Anne.

The two co-commanders sit on Anne's bed having a silly conversation. Both were laughing their hearts out, much contrast to a season ago.No armour, no conflict, just a silly atmosphere.

"I'm just saying, how the fuck do you steal someone's abs without taking of their flesh" Anne pondered, referencing one of her favourite movies "Ab Stealer"

"Boonchuy, he probably had fake one, unlike him, my guns are real" the blonde boasted.

"Oh haha" The brunette said sarcastically.

"That's why mine are unstealable" Sasha said arrogantly but obviously in a joking tone.

Anne scoffed and then had an idea. Anne started using her calamity powers and used her magic to pin Sasha with her arms over her head.

"Boonchuy?" Is what nervously trembled out of Sasha' mouth.

Anne then said in a goofy tone "Ive come to steal your abs". Anne then put her hand under Sasha's shirt and scribbled on her tummy. Sasha jolted and tried to break away but it was evident she wasn't going anywhere. Sasha tried to stop herself from laughing but she would break everytime.

"I'm the ab-stealer and Ive come to steal yours" Anne joked a corny tone, which she swore made Sasha laugh harder.

"Boohohochuhuy, lehet goho" Sasha demanded.

Sasha's let out one of her brightest smiles which indeed was contagious. Anne couldn't help but laugh along, she also had another idea to mess with Sasha. Anne paused her attack and released Sasha's arms but still had her pinned to the bed.

"If you can keep your arms up long enough, I'll consider letting you go" stated Anne.

"Thihis is duhumb"responded Sasha.

Anne asked if Sasha was ready and reluctantly Sasha nodded. Anne gave a count down and began again but instead using her fingers, she blew raspberries. Sasha squealed and slapped her hands on her face.

"CHEAHAHATER"shrieked Sasha but it was slightly muffled.

"I'm not cheating *pbbt* I'm gnawing your ab off my razor sharp teeth *pbbt* looks like you're one who's *pbbt* cheating" teased the boonchuy girl.

Sasha tried to argue otherwise but was silenced by a raspberry

"I didnt say put your hands on your face, I said put them up" Anne stated then laid a bigger raspberry while shaking her head for emphasis.

Sasha couldnt take it anymore and slapped at Anne's head.Anne had mercy and let Sasha relax, she then ceased the use of her powers.

Suddenly Sprig barged in.

"I heard screaming, Anne, are you ok"Sprig asked with concern only for Anne and not Sasha who lay limp on the bed.

"Where all good Sprig" Anne conformed before the pink frog child left again.

Anne also felt a little worn out after foolishly using her power and thats when Sasha pinned her down and gave her a taste of her own medecine.

[tri-poke]

It's a smooth and easy ride to the look out. Nothing weirder than a June Bug passing a May Fly. Zach notices that even that odd hyper clarity he felt after toying with the strange mesmerism in the air is gone. Although that might be all the dust getting kicked up over at the Suver place.

If there even was a chance of hiding their attempt to move out on the drive, the ranch is blowing it. A great thinny of dust and detritus wafts up from the Suver Ranch like the first wisps of smoke out of a signal fire.

From this vantage point of course, the view is dominated by The Western Wall, Jutting twenty thousand feet up into the sky, and looking like a sheer cliff the whole way, the foothills blending in. And it looks like one of the frequent storms that tends to brew up at the summit seems to be aiming to show off with a spectacular lightning show. So at least no one will hear the herd leave.

Off to the south, the world lies fallow, nothing the naked eye can see.

North, though, toward Civilization and the Known World, a tiny plume of jet-black smoke puffs in an arcing stream of tiny cloudlets drifting up the face of The Western Wall.

And West lies the Long Wild. Unfortunately for Zach and Cookie, there's plenty of motion there, as the wild life couldn't give a fig leaf for the troubles of a few foolish humans. The whole of it is teeming with life. Such as a giant herd of long armed Efraasia scouring the ground with their long necks bent while their nearly human dextrous hands clutch up any choice vegetation they've missed in the "sparser" landscape that sits this close to The Western Wall. The dinosaurs sweep along in a grand parade, wiping the world clean of vegetation and giving plenty of dust in return.

Please make an Assess draw for Zach, with a bonus of +4 for a total draw of 11 cards (5 + Assess 2 + Cookie 3 + Demon-Tooth 1). You may discard and redraw up to 6 cards (3 + Lucky = Fantastic 3).

Cards will be scored according to the following chart (until I make a new one). Zach's and Demon Tooth's score notes will follow the chart.

--

Zaccariah Overpower: 0 Assess: 2 Charm: 3 Reflex: 4 Fantastic: 3 Prep: 1

-- Young Brave Lucky (discard & redraw up to your Fantastic score extra cards beyond the first three on a draw) Good Looking

----

Demon-Tooth (F-Shanty) Overpower: 6 Assess: 1 Charm: 0 Reflex: 4 Fantastic: 2 Prep: 0

-- Can NOT Prep on her own Mean (Pack excepted) Fearless (better than brave, will charge into Hell) Fast Enough to Outrun the Devil Unbreakable Unstealable/Unborrowable Bigger than she looks Heavier than she looks Unknown Rex Breed, Unknown Lineage

---------

[thefastestaround]

Patching up some wounds! || I love these.

we have to be quick about this. @unstealing

Pietro blinked a few times at her, resisting the urge to mock her and just be an ass about the moment. But he used restraint. For now. What he did was probably worse as he started to move in slow motion, no matter how much it pained him to do so. "Is this fast enough for you? I think you asked the wrong person to do something quick." The worst of the injury was taken care of, he was just taking his time covering the wound up. She would be fine.

[sohottubgarden]

It’s better to realize this before asking for the devil for help. I cry for the lack or the excessive paper-like tissues and fit that proportioned using. Tears or bust. I want to proportion plates of food like before. I’ve decided to gain the help again. Without like chunk do you know what happens? I fall on the way, while I’m there, and while I’m coming back. Cross eyed in the rain here by the longer beach of l.a I could easily fall off the Ferris and then but a purse and then steal/unsteal everything I’ve done in my life because it’s too clear. No one loves me and I have no one also. Like no one to say hello are you alright I am still here. I’m sorry. She’s here and I’m separating truth and reality from lie and delusion right now. It’s a 211 minute. I guess, that could be it. Am I going to be this way forever? Because it’s soon. I can walk away and just never come back. What is expected? I can’t be right. I’d like a bender please. With French fries and more beer with flavored vod and then a greyhound ticket to get lost in like Albuquerque. That’s a nowhere place and I’d fit into the no over there. I like fitting in no. No one can ever get that there is nothing to hurt for because 10 years is exactly why no one died and no one can remind me that I have a noticed gang. It’s that though. My family was with her and our. I think I want to die. So, um yeah. This pain wasn’t expected when learning to live at WHS or SFSU. The no one void. It’s super cute.

[stainedkept]

well ,  that’s a felony .

Yelena rolled her eyes. “Again with this?” She lifted her small, black duffel bag from the backseat of her recently stolen acquired car before shutting the door. She slung the black bag over her shoulder as she approached her sister. “If it bothers you so much I will unsteal it later.” Which would be a pain. Leaving it somewhere would be far more practical.

“Thank you for letting me stay here.” She had nowhere else to go.

[gojifan97]

Just read the latest chapter of My Hero Academia.

I hope AFO doesn’t steal Stars and Stripes’ quirk, because if he does then her attempt to help is going to backfire even more spectacularly than America’s attempt to help Japan in Shin Godzilla!

And to recap how that went:

[luck-and-larceny]

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

Oh! That's a fun question! Malika started as a tabletop character. From first conception, she was always a cowardly and selfish bard/rogue who was obsessed with petty theft. In the tabletop game she started in, there was this iconic figure called The Prince of Shadows who was the most infamous of thieves. Her goal was to steal so many items that were considered 'unstealable' that she'd eventually draw the attention of The Prince of Shadows. Then, I think, she wanted to steal their title and become The Prince of Shadows herself. That game was relatively short-lived, but I really loved the concept and wanted to play her again! I thought it'd be fun to figure out how to make her in FFXIV. Thieves aren't exactly rare in RP spaces and certainly not in Final Fantasy games! I wanted to think of a way to keep her a thief, but in a unique way that other people might have fun interacting with her rather than just being annoyed that she steals all the time. Instead, I thought it'd be fun if her theft were more interactive than that. I wouldn't RP stealing anything from other characters without getting consent from the player first (obviously), but to make it more appealing I thought it could be fun if every time Malika steals something, she leaves something else behind. So every RP where theft happened it wasn't like the character just -lost- something, but that they got a random item in exchange too. I thought that quirk was so much fun that it became central to her personality and to her backstory. Her desire to get the attention and favor of The Prince of Shadows has changed to wanting to draw the attention of Nymeia and to court fate. I really like these changes! And I hope others do too. Thank you so much for the Ask!

[stainedkept]

"Burn it?" Yelena looked again at her borrowed car. It was one of the nicer ones. "It is a perfectly good car. That would be a waste. If I cannot unsteal it, then I will keep it and this car problem will be over."

Her sister's answer was not helpful. The only solution Yelena could think of was to do this again but without Natasha getting shot. "You are just saying that to make me feel better." Yelena reached for a fresh gauze pad and the bandages. "Good. That would have been a lot of pressure." She worked quickly to patch up her sister enough so she wouldn't bleed out during the drive to the Compound.

Natasha didn't know how far Yelena had recovered from Dreykov's influence but she made sure to be there for her all the way, making sure that she was doing well. ❛ Oh for god's sake, I knew it. Nevermind the cleaning then, we will just burn the car or something to get rid of any evidence. ❜

She simply shrugged her shoulders, nodding her head. ❛ I just did? But that's not important, Lena. ❜ The older reminded her that taking the enemy down was real task before remaining silent for a moment, thinking of the either of the outcomes. ❛ I think it's better we leave it for the real doctors, just to be on the safe side. ❜

@stainedkept