#she’s right but should she say it?? for the sake of my mental health??? REALLY?

[ang3ltine]

❝ 𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖘 ❞

Se-mi x freader reader prompt ──★˙🍓̟!!

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: pt 2 of pretty girl and how they cope during the games

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: In this scenario, Se mi survives for the sake of the plot duh

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: contains smut and mentions of blood/canon events from the games. Slight mention of sa by player 124 ( scroll to avoid )

✰ Apartment 707, that was place the couple shared. At the time they were just close friends, agreeing to share the place and became roommates.

✰It was the place where you had shared your first Christmas there, celebrating the debut of Se mi's band. Black stones.

✰ Se mi realised the pattern of toxic relationships you were in and worried about your mental health. Men would come and go in your life, and it always ended the same. With you in tears and Se mi comforting you in her arms. She wished you would just love yourself instead of finding validation in men.

✰ There was a time where you questioned your feelings for Se mi, wondering if it was just platonic or if it was something more. You would always joke and call Se mi your bf , but deep down in your heart, you secretly yearned for her.

Now you could finally call Se mi yours. Leaning against a sink, you reached down and gently raked your fingers through her thick black hair. After last night's not so innocent antics, she was getting you both cleaned up in the washroom.

"You should see yourself in the mirror , you look like a mess " you snickered as Se mi finished up. Scoffing in response she stood up and loomed over your small frame.

"Says the one who came on my tongue last night, you're one to talk..." she whispered in your ear in her low, sultry voice. There was a slight raspiness that made you close your legs in response.

Se mi soaked in the sight before her. Your usually neat hair was unkempt and wild, lips were kiss swollen and hickeys were scattered across your neck and collarbone. A sight that she was extremely proud of.

Not a single sound came out of your mouth, knowing she was right. It's not your fault that Se mi was an absolute menace with her tongue. Not to mention her tongue piercing only made the experience all the more euphoric.

Suddenly, the washroom begun to feel stuffy and you could feel your heart about to burst from how fast it was beating. Se mi had already started softly kissing your neck and it was agonisingly slow, she smirked against your skin while you whine in frustration.

You were bold enough to grab Se mi's face and make her look at you. Honestly it surprised her but she wasn't complaining when you took the lead. Lips just barely touching while your breath fanned against hers. But you hesitated, wondering if this was really a good idea to be intimate in the washroom of all places.

But much to your dismay, the guards had walked in. Quickly, you lightly pushed her away and tried fixing your shirt in a hurry. Cheeks flushing in embarrassment from being caught.

Se mi was surprised that the guards hadn't questioned why you were both inches away from making out. After being escorted back to the dorms, you then got ready for the next game.

Thanos wanted Se mi on his team and from then on you guys had become an odd group of individuals. One crazy leader, your annoying ex, a wimp and then there was you and Se mi. Despite your reluctance in joining this team, Se mi reassured you that you'd be safe with her. Plus the reaction that came from Namgyu (player 124) was absolute gold! He was fuming when he noticed the dark hickeys that were visible on your neck. You wanted to cover them up but Se mi convinced you to at least keep the zipper to your jacket open.

Namgyu tsked as he realised the person who had marked you up was standing right next to you. Wearing a proud smirk she placed two fingers up and stuck her tongue between them. Clearly shocked from the action, Namgyu rolled his eyes and turned his focus back to the game.

"Was that really necessary??", you say in a hushed tone as you shoved her arm playfully. Trying to bite back a smile.

"Oh c'mon, the jerk deserved to know that you don't belong to him anymore".

Funnily enough, your team worked. Despite the outbursts by Thanos you guys managed to survive the next few games, excluding the red light , green light game ofcourse. Namgyu had been following him around like his minion and you were beginning to wonder if he had a thing for him or something.

Se mi was extremely pissed when she saw you huddled in the corner of the dorm with your ex clawing at your clothes. Forcing you to kiss him when you clearly didn't want to.

That same night she held you in her arms as you broke down in tears. Softly cooing as she gently rubbed your back and whispered sweet nothings into your hair.

Namgyu had left the room the following morning with a broken nose.

✰

Jealousy wasn't really her thing until some random dude tried flirting with you during the voting. Que Se mi kicking the guy right in his nuts and dragged you off to the washroom.

" Se mi mmph...it's.. too much-" you huffed as she had you pushed against the stall door with both legs placed on her shoulders. Face buried deep into your cunt as she savoured your sweet nectar on her tongue. Her tongue piercing felt amazing againgst your clit as she finger fucked you.

Eyes darkened with lust, she peered at you through her lashes. With a lazy smirk she pulled away after you came for 3rd time and proceeded to make out with you. Tasting yourself on her tongue only made the kiss more addicting .

" You think you could cum for me one more time angel? "

✰

With the votes ending up in a draw , because of this a fight broke out in the men's bathroom resulting to a few casualties on both sides. Those who voted to leave hatched a plan to stay awake during the night as they had a feeling the X's might attack them in their sleep.

As soon as the lights switched off, all hell broke loose. With so many people being brutally killed in their beds you began to worry about Se mi. You got separated from her during the chaos and to make things worse, you were bleeding from a wound on your stomach. A huge guy had jumped you from the dark but you had managed to fight back and escape.

Time had slowed down as you spotted Se mi fighting your ex. She was by herself and was being backed into the wall by this crazy man. After Thanos death he had resulted to taking the unusual drugs from his cross and became even more erratic than before.

Without a second to lose you ran towards them , clutching your aching wound. He was scraping a broken glass shard across Se mi's and she looked terrified, frantically looking around to search for help.

" Get away from her - !!"

Knocking him unconscious with your elbow, you reached for a stray fork on the floor and lunged towards him , embedding it into the side of his neck. While he writhed in pain you stepped over him to check on Se mi.

You cupped her face in your hands, checking for any injuries and sighed in relief.

"Thank God you're ok.."

Lucky for you she only had suffered from minor inuries from the broken glass. You peppered her face with kisses tenderly over every scratches and scrapes. She nestled into the warmth of your palm and gave places a gentle peck , reassuring you that she was alright.

Panick soon settled in as she glanced down towards your wound. Blood had seeped through your shirt, painting it in crimson.

"Woah wait - how did you get this?" her voice faltered as she applied pressure on your wound. She was scared that you wouldn't make it. Due to blood loss your eyes were beginning to droop from drowsiness and it was getting hard to breathe from immense pain.

" Some guy jumped me..." you hissed through your teeth as Se mi reached for something beside her.

Quickly ripping the sleeve of her jacket she made a makeshift bandage around your waist to stop the bleeding. She then gently cradled you in her arms , wanting to keep you close. Your scent filled her nose as she buried her face into your hair, keeping herself calm.

She was safe, but more importantly you were safe.

That was enough for her...

Ps. The ending was rushed but at least this is a happy ending

[radvelvetcakez]

Hazbin Swap AU (PT2 ig???)

ok i need to share my ideas right now. Chaggie is real. Chaggie will always be real. - During an extermination, Charlie got injured attempting to protect a sinner, only being spared when the exorcist clocked her as the princess - Vaggie, an exorcist, found her hiding and caring for her wounds, she didn't recognise her as the literal princess, but she couldnt help but feel guilty and chose to help her. She was never caught by the other angels, meaning she was blessed enough to keep her eye and wings!!!! She stayed in hell tho cause love at first sight and lalallala yeah. Sapphics guys !!!! Husk, Niffty, & Angel take the place of the Vee's - they're that overlord trio. They're probably a bit more.. Merciful (except for Niffty she's deranged) but yk. Still inherently bad people n stuff Vox is the first hotel resident - except he & Alastor still have beef. He only showed up so he could do the exact opposite of proving the hotel to work as a big fuck you. Alastor does NOT want him there but he's their only guest so he kind of has to just accept it - he acts all friendly because he knows it pisses Vox off OVERLORD VAGGIE !!!! Charlie & Vaggie basically co-own souls - when Charlie says they share EVERYTHING she means EVERYTHING. Charlie already owned a lot of souls before meeting Vaggie, because, you know, she actually better embodies the whole "princess of hell" in this, and when they got together she was IMMEDIATELY LIKE "Vaggie I have a GENIUS idea. Since we're like girlfriends and stuff we should totes share like EVERYTHING so do you want to like - co-own all the souls I have?" And so Vaggie rose to power fairly quickly. Dating the princess of hell does wonders man Obviously. Alastor is the one starting the hotel, and Rosie is like. His Vaggie basically, she's there for moral support. - Also, unlike canon.. Rosie would be the one who doesn't know who Charlie is (where Angel didn't know about Alastor) Alastor: "Rosie! The... Princess of Hell is at the dooor..." Rosie: "Who?" Vox: "WHAT?" Charlie shows up cause her dad sends her a call about having to go see heaven in a weeks time and she REALLLYYY doesn't wanna go because ouhhh last time she talked to Adam he was an ASSHOLE and she would rather kill herself than talk to him again - so when she finds out about the hotel her immediate reaction is to head there and see if they'd rather take on the burden of seeing heaven. Cause you know, surely they'd love to get heaven behind their whole redemption shit, right???? They arent. Alastor is not at all interested in talking to heaven but Charlie really isn't having it and girl is BEGGING him to just take the offer because she PROMISES they'll be on it - the few silent threats she added are nobodies business chat.. Adam lowkey fucks w the idea of sinners being redeemed but he's also just too stubborn and prideful to agree and hes also mad he didn't come up w it first so he tells Al to FUCK OFF bc his idea is so stupid :// (Its genius and he refuses to admit it.) I need to include all the Vee's for the sake of my mental health so. - Valentino works for Angel Dust (wow. shocker so original /s) & when the little group finds out that THE princess of hell is helping some nobody overlord like Alastor they are just ??? and sent Val in to see what the FUCK is wrong with the girl. And what theyre getting up to - Charlie drags Velvette & Pentious in by the hair to work at the hotel - She met Pentious when he was in a bad situation and offered to help him in exchange for his soul - despite this, she didn't really use her ownership of his soul to her advantage and they became friends :3 He's happy to help - Velvette sold her soul to Vaggie for protection from the princess's very own guardian angel because she kept getting into shit with overlords and needed to save her ass. & again, Chaggie co-own souls

[bitchesgetriches]

Bitches I need some advice.

I'm fat, okay? I'm not ashamed about it. It just... Is. I'm fat.

Being fat is also fucking me up. It's causing me sleep problems, it's fucking my joints, I can't walk as far as I used to, I haven't run in years.

I want to lose weight. Not for anyone else. For me. I want to be fit again.

I'm surrounded by people telling me I'm "not fat" and need to "love myself like I am". I'm 210lb and 5'3". Ya girl is fat. And I'm okay with that it's not a bad word. I love myself. But I also love the things I used to be able to do when I was fitter. It's just really fucking hard.

I've got zero support left and right. And I don't know what to do. I know this isn't your area of expertise, but you're such great internet mamas that maybe you can help.

My darling child, we are SO humbled that you came to us with this. And while this isn't an area of our OFFICIAL expertise... weight and athleticism is something that I, Piggy, personally think a lot about! So let me see if I can offer some support to you, my beloved fat child.

By way of background: I have never been fat. Heavier than I want currently, but not fat. So I don't completely understand what you're going through. I have always been an athlete of one sort or the other. But more than that, I have always had the privilege of being relatively skinny without trying. At peak fitness I was running and rock climbing and doing all the stretchy and weight-trainy stuff. I was 5'5" and 130 lbs of jacked Bitch.

I am also a proud Italian American woman, which means that after 30 genetics decreed that I start putting on weight and rounding out and coming into my full Zia-ness. I'm currently 155 lbs. and running/climbing/stretching/jumping about/weight training is getting harder and harder. And that's frustrating to me.

Fat is not a bad word, merely a descriptor. So I'mma use it just as you have! I'm proud that you are prioritizing your health and ability to do what you love over losing weight for the sake of just being smaller. Because let's be clear: weight and health do not necessarily go hand in hand. If your goal is to improve your sleep quality, energy levels, and joint pain, then you should focus on activities that will work directly on those issues. Maybe that'll lead to weight loss--maybe not!

A lot of the medical establishment is cruel to fat people, so I'd be cautious about approaching this with your doctor. But you SHOULD get medical guidance before embarking on any kind of physical change. If your doctor says "Well, just lose weight through diet and exercise!" then you might want to look for a new doctor. If they instead offer practical solutions for incremental improvement, then great.

One of my favorite athletes is The Mirnavator. She's a fat marathon runner and offers a lot of information on how to start walking more and running as a fat person. I think she'll be a good role model for you as she focuses a lot on energy and joint health.

Also, you should check out Aubrey Gordon's blog Your Fat Friend and her podcast with Michael Hobbes, Maintenance Phase. She's also got some great books out! She's a fat expert on weight loss and diet culture. And her insights into healthy nutrition and body image are amazing. Her data-based approach will help you avoid the extreme dieting and weight loss trends that can hurt your health. Plus she's funny as fuck.

Lastly I will just say that mental health is tied to physical health. You're bummed about not doing the things you use to be able to do... and that probably makes it a lot harder to change! Acknowledge any depression or anxiety you feel about being fat and give yourself compassion. Start small and do what feels good.

Now here are two VERY old articles I wrote when I knew less about fatness. I think they still have a little bit to offer, though:

Why You Probably Don't Need That Gym Membership

Run With Me if You Want to Save: How Exercising Will Save You Money 

Any fat members of Bitch Nation who want to weigh in? Uh... pun not intended.

[caseynovakslut]

Cross-Examining Casey

Casey Novak x Female Reader

The never-ending bustling sounds of the streets of New York could barely be heard on the seventh floor of the NYPD's Special Victims Unit office. The bustling inside was enough. The cases that came through these walls daily were graphic and disturbing; you'd have to be disconnected to some extent just to cope with the things you see. Special Victim's just so happen to be those extreme cases involving sexual assault, kidnappings and child predators.

You'd probably wonder why l'd pick up a job that's so stomach-rattling. "She must be a messed-up individual herself!" And for that assumption, you'd be right. I've been on the opposite end. I've had to be the one on the stand, and maybe that's what led me here. I had an idea of what I wanted for myself. I did this as a last resort, I wanted to help women in the way I wasn't and made a career out of law. I could never have dealt with prosecuting addicts; l've seen too many back-handed judges, lawyers, and cops get away with wrongdoings in the eyes of the law for monetary and personal gain. My morals lie in helping people, not in the amount dimes I can put in my pocket. I honestly don't dislike my job, nor do I regret a thing, because if I wasn't here, I most likely wouldn't have met you, Casey Novak.

Casey Novak was a prosecutor on the 11th floor. She also worked for the SVU. She was a glistening ruby in this dark building. I don't know how her light stays so strong, almost like she's never struggled a day in her life. I know for a fact that's not true, though. She walks into the courtroom with such a confidence that it will always go in her favor. That we'll catch the latest psychopathic pedophile predator. Maybe that confidence is what makes her one of the best prosecutors in the precinct. I see it over and over again-the way she handles herself in a courtroom. A true Hedy Lamarr: beauty and brains. You wouldn't expect her to be so sharp, so quick-witted, and precise. For goodness' sake, she rides a bike to work! She's such a character, she can't help but plague my mind.

The clock nears 11:30 p.m., and I'm wrapping up my work for the day. Casey should be finishing up here soon too. If she doesn't, I'll have to take matters into my own hands. She's really been cracking under the pressure of this current case in a way l've never seen before. It's a case involving a schizophrenic serial rapist who targets brunette college students at local bars.

We've had this case open longer than we should, even though we've caught the 'perp'.

Now it's just an issue of his mental health and if he was lucid. If he didn't know whether he was aware of committing the rapes or not. Poor Casey, having to be the deciding factor of which way the case will go. It's also a matter of whether the case will be successful for her or what could be morally correct. Who's to say her morals are free of bias either? I'll have to do something nice for her tonight, I thought.

It's now a quarter past midnight, and I bring my hand up to knock on Casey's office door.

In my other hand, I hold a bag of Pongsri Thai, which I barely made it to on time, just to share with Casey. A simple gesture, but I'm sure she'll enjoy it, Thai food always puts a smile on her face. Knowing that it was worth the rush.

"Come in!" I hear her call out, her voice reverberated from the other side of the door. As I slip past the wooden slab on hinges, I knock again on the doorway to get her attention off the legal briefs in front of her. Not that I don't love seeing it—she looks so pretty, focused on her papers, red pen in hand, so concentrated you could see her almost unnoticeable tiny frown pulling her lips. Her eyes finally meet mine.

"Hey, Case." I hold up the Thai takeout with a grin slowly creeping onto my face. "Howabout you take a break from work, and we get out of here for the night?" I take slow steps closer to her desk. She puts her pen down and crosses her arms in front of her.

"You know I can feed myself," she huffs through a smile. So defensive for a prosecutor.

"Good luck with that. The crime might not shut down at midnight, but your favorite Thai place does." I sit down on the right corner of her desk now. "I miss you, you know? I know we aren't official, but I also want you to focus on yourself, or even focus on me, like you do a case file." She frowns at that, and I continue, trying to cheer her up from my previous statement.

"Not that I don't think you're amazing at your job; it's not that. You're just so bright, and I don't want you to lose your spar–I don't want you to dim, I jus–" I continue to trail on, probably embarrassing myself at this point.

"I appreciate the Thai. Really." Thankfully, she interrupts me. "I appreciate you too." She stands up from her leather desk chair and sits next to me on the desk. I finally get to take in her outfit: a black suit with spaced-out red pinstripes. Under the jacket of her wool set, there's a red tank top that compliments the silver necklace that lay just above the tops collar. The matching skirt falls just to her knees. My eyes trail lower, now noticing her smooth, bare legs to her cute red kitten heels. She knows she doesn't need any extra height. I do all of this in a quick motion—I'm good at observing things quickly; it comes with the job. When I look back at her face, I focus on the words coming out of her lips. I briefly watched the way they made out each vowel.

"You always know when I get too into the work. Sometimes I just can't be peeled away from it." She gesture's to me "without some assistance." no gaps between her words she continues, almost so I wouldn't take her next words in "It's been different for me since you came here." That's all it took to stand up and set the food down on the floor. Casey's eyes watch my every move, every step closer to her. I now stand in front of her and entangle my hand in her brunette hair. I can feel her inability to speak. There's this silence that pours out of her. It's always amusing how I can do that to her–bring someone so confident and precise in a courtroom to silence.

Knowing Casey, her silence is permission. I take it, and with that, I press my lips to hers.

It feels like the first time, every time–the softness, the way she tastes of rosey lip balm, the way she smiles into the kiss, and how you can feel her teeth when you deepen it. It's different with her every normal turn-off is a turn-all-the-way-up . I tighten my grip in her hair, tilting her head to the side to get a better angle as I trail a line of kisses down her cheekbones to her jaw. She lets out little sounds that drive me crazy.

"Casey," I breathe into her ear, her face painted in faint pleasure. "We have to finish our Thai before it gets cold," I tease, my voice shifting from a seductive whisper to a more cheeky tone.

"Haah... okay, get me all excited just to make me wait." she replied, trying to sound annoyed, but the smile on her face knew better.

"Be excited for your Thai." I roll my eyes at her and smile back. "Let's go back to my place."

This is an around season 5 timeline Casey fic feedback, reposts, kudos, comments are all appreciated. More parts will be in the making within the week. Will it get explicit next chapter ? 😳

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for breaking up with gf and not telling her the full reasoning?

(Cw for self harm mention)

So, I have been with my gf since I was 14 and she was 15, we were classmates and pretty much did everything together,we have a good relationship! And we are friends and partners in life above all

But I have a very shitty tendencies of jumping to extremes and overthinking,which sometimes can make even the slightest thing a way bigger deal than it actually is, I'm working on it but it still makes being in relationships and friendships a living hell since I have those thoughts of blocking people and cutting them out on my life however, I try to handle those thoughts by myself and communicate with people healthily.

This year after we finished school things changed, we stopped talking as much, we still have a good time when we see each other but it's obvious to me that things aren't the same, and that we are more friends than in a actual relationship

Plus; she's been talking to a mutual friend of mine (who kinda stopped talking to me as much since they started talking to her) and they have been getting closer

I don't have issues with that of course!I'm haply for her

But I can't stop the thoughts that I'm being replaced,I have issues with this generally,very bad abandonment issues

And they are especially bad with her, to the point in which; when a year ago another mutual friend of ours started jokingly flirt with her I even hurt myself over it (obviously I never told my gf this,and I wanna make clear that at some point I actually communicated to her about how much this was bothering me and to not do it when I was around)

Now, it's getting bad again, so for my sake,since I realize that being relationship right now it's not good and that I'm genuinely not in the mental place to be in one,I'm thinking of actually breaking up with her this Monday and ask her if we can just be friends

The part where I might be the asshole is that I don't want to say that the reason I'm doing it it's (partly) because of our mutual friend

I don't want to make her feel like she's at fault for having a friend because that it is mostly MY problem here,I don't want to control her, or even accidentally hurting her!

She's a great partner and one of the most understanding person I have ever met,this my issue because I'm the one who's not capable of keeping a stable relationship without this stupid feeling of competition and jealousy, I want to make clear to her that she's not at fault and that I'm the one who should be working on myself so I rather just say to her that I'm doing for my mental health sake (which is true! The main reason is because the relationship is not good for my mental health because i have previously mentioned issues that make being in one really hard and mentally draining)

So will I be an asshole for this? (🐋 so I can find this later

What are these acronyms?

[anonymousewrites]

Adolescent Antichrist (Book 5) Chapter Two

Father Figure! Lucifer x Teen! Reader

Demon! OC x Reader

Chapter Two: You Became an Idiot While in Hell

Summary: Chloe is on a strange case and has to face quite the unexpected face.

Mouse Note: Second official chapter! Sorry for the late post, I read JJK Chapter 2551 and couldn't process anything

            “Los Angeles,” breathed Lucifer. The last thing he had needed when acknowledging a new arrival in Hell, Lee, was a reminder of his old life on Earth. Of Chloe. Of (Y/N).

            His kid. The person he cared about more than any other, the one he’d returned to Hell to protect. The kid that would want him to help Lee’s murderer be brought to justice because (Y/N) was a good person.

            Lucifer couldn’t avoid the reminders of them and their heart. So he did the only thing he could. Lucifer turned to face Lee and squared his shoulders.

            “I’m going to do something I haven’t done in ages, for old time��s sake,” said Lucifer. “I’m going to solve your murder.” For (Y/N). Because it is the right thing to do, and that’s what they’d want.

            The only thing Lucifer wanted was to make his kid proud.

l

            Chloe’s case was not going well. Not only were there very few leads, but she had forced herself to dress up to investigate, and now, instead of really knowing what happened, another man was dead.

            “Well, no ID on your street kebab yet, but I found this on him, a .45,” said Ella. “Same as the one that killed Lee.”

            “Yep,” said Chloe.

            “And my Spidey-senses tell me this is our murder weapon, but I’ll know more when I get back to the lab,” said Ella.

            “Okay, great. Good,” said Chloe, walking away.

            She knelt over the body of the dead man and sighed. She needed answers, but so far, she had very few, and none of them seemed to lead her to the truth behind Lee’s death.

            “Agh!”

            The man’s dead body coughed, and Chloe jumped. He coughed up blood and sat up weakly, body still covered in lacerations and the literal embodiment of death.

            “Oh, man, I’m so sorry,” said the corpse(?). “That’s gross.” Chloe stared. “Hey, are you the detective? I’m a demon, and Lord Lucifer sent me to give you a message about the case.”

            “Lucifer.” Chloe’s eyes widened. “How is he?”

            “He’s the King of Hell, so he’s great,” said the demon. “But, uh, sometimes a bit…sad, I guess. Don’t tell him I said that. Anyways, he wanted me to tell you…uh, it’s safe where you stored it.”

            Chloe furrowed her brow. “What? What’s safe?”

            “The thing that you stored?” said the demon.

            “ ‘Stored?’ ” repeated Chloe. “Where?”

            “I don’t know, you’re the one who stored it,” said the demon.

            “Wait, I stored it?” said Chloe.

            “Yeah, it’s safe where you stored it.” The demon groaned. “Oh, crap. This body’s too jacked up to keep working. But you got this…And, uh, Lucifer says to say hi to ‘(Y/N).’ ” The body fell back, dead.

            “Wait, wait!” cried Chloe, but the corpse was a corpse once again.

            “Decker?” said Ella, approaching. “What the hell, did you move the body?”

            Chloe groaned. Now she just had more questions. And, what was worse, she had a message from Lucifer to (Y/N), but Chloe wasn’t sure if she should give it to them. After all, their mental health had already spiraled just from Lucifer’s leaving. She didn’t want to trigger anything worse by letting Lucifer saying “hello” without (Y/N) getting to see him return.

            She resigned herself to ask Linda for advice. After all, a therapist should know how to help (Y/N). Hopefully. Then again, (Y/N) wasn’t exactly human, so what did Chloe know? Or anyone.

            Other than Lucifer. He took care of them.

            Oh, god, Chloe was going to feel better no matter what she did. If she told (Y/N) Lucifer said “hi” but still wasn’t coming back, she risked them spiraling and growing angry. If she didn’t tell (Y/N) anything, she’d feel super guilty and risk their anger if they found out she hid something like this from them.

            Chloe was so screwed.

l

            “Hey, uh, Linda?” Chloe stepped into the therapist’s house.

            “Oh, hi, Chloe,” said Linda, smiling as she bounced Charlie in her arms. “Welcome in. I thought you and Maze were working on a case.”

            “We are,” said Chloe. “But, uh, something’s going on, and I wanted to talk to you about it…”

            “Is something wrong?” said Linda, frowning.

            “A demon paid me a visit,” said Chloe.

            Linda’s eyes widened. “What?” The last time demons had come to Earth, it had ended in kidnapping and near-death. “What’s going on?”

            “Lucifer sent me a message,” said Chloe.

            “Oh. Really?” Linda was surprised.

            “Yeah, it didn’t really make sense,” muttered Chloe. She shook her head. “But that’s not what I’m concerned about. I’m concerned about (Y/N). Lucifer wants me to say hello to them for him.”

            Linda pursed her lips. “And you don’t know whether or not to tell them.” Linda was a therapist; she knew what Chloe was concerned about.

            “What do you think?” said Chloe, furrowing her brow.

            “I think you shouldn’t tell them,” said Linda.

            “What if they find out I hid something and get angry?” said Chloe.

            “(Y/N) needs to move on from Lucifer leaving,” said Linda. “I know that hiding things might seem…counterintuitive, but they’re mourning. To be constantly reminded of Lucifer and told that he’s trying to speak to them but isn’t coming back could cause more harm. He isn’t coming back. (Y/N) needs to have time to wrestle with that and become accustomed to that fact.”

            Chloe nodded. Right. Lucifer wasn’t coming back. That was, unfortunately, a fact.

l

            Another unfortunate fact was that in the late night, Chloe found herself in a gunfight defending Meg, Lee’s sister.

            “Meg, listen to me,” said Chloe. “You can do this. We’re not gonna die her.” She steeled herself. She was going to face everything that came towards her. “Get ready.”

            Above them, several guns went off, and Chloe and Meg ducked down farther behind the kitchen island. The three men were still on the attack, and the pair were still in danger. The bullets ran out, and tense silence descended.

            A confident whistle broke the quiet, and everyone paused in confusion. A man walked into the kitchen, and the gunmen glared.

            “What the hell?” said Rod, the first.

            “Hello, bad guys!” chirped a voice that made Chloe’s heart skip a beat.

            Lucifer? No, Chloe had to be imagining it. He couldn’t be here, no matter how much she wanted him to be.

            “Who’s this crazy fool?!” said Rod.

            “I hope I’m not late to the party,” continued who Chloe hoped was Lucifer.

            Unable to keep herself from looking, Chloe peered around the corner. Her eyes widened. It was Lucifer. He was there. On earth. In the kitchen. Here when she was in danger!

            One of the men noticed her, aimed, and fired. She ducked back, but Lucifer already grabbed him and slammed him through the wall. The second man aimed at Lucifer, but Chloe interceded and shot him. Meg made a run for it while Lucifer grabbed the gun from Rod’s hands before he could harm anyone. He broke it between his hands, and Chloe knocked Rod out with the butt of her gun before he could do more.

            Silence.

            Chloe and Lucifer stared at one another. Lucifer smiled and took a step forward.

            “Thought you could use a hand, but…” Lucifer gestured to the amputated hand (another part of the mess Chloe had been dealing with). “Looks like someone beat me to it.”

            Chloe didn’t respond. All she could do was gaze at him. She could barely believe it. So, she did the one thing she could to convince herself Lucifer was real. She kissed him. Lucifer returned her act of affection, pulling her close.

            He’s real. He’s here.

l

            (Y/N) glared at the screen. “That’s bullshit! Just because it’s in black, that doesn’t mean the design is ‘chic!’ ”

            “Birdie, relax, it’s a TV show,” said Em.

            “But the judges are being stupid! They always say that colorful outfits are worse than all black!” said (Y/N), huffing.

            “This is Project Runway,” said Em.

            “So?”

            “I don’t think it’s that serious,” said Em.

            “Taste is important,” grumbled (Y/N).

            “I’m going to turn this off if you keep going crazy, Birdie,” said Em.

            “Fiiiiiine,” said (Y/N), slouching in their seat.

            The elevator dinged, and Em and (Y/N) exchanged glances. They hadn’t gotten texts from anyone saying they were coming over, and almost every time someone came over unannounced, it meant trouble.

            Em slid towards the table they kept a demon blade taped under, and (Y/N) narrowed their eyes, letting the shadows stir around their feet.

            The elevator doors slid open. A man stepped out. (Y/N)’s eyes widened.

            “Dad?”

            Lucifer stood in the Penthouse and smiled confidently at Em and (Y/N). “Hello!”

            “What-How—” Em stared.

            (Y/N) was frozen, eyes wide.

            “I’ve returned!” said Lucifer, grinning as if nothing was wrong, as if this wasn’t insane. “Well, it’s good to see nothing has changed around here.” He walked through the Penthouse, looking around in satisfaction.

            “…Is that all you have to say?”

            Em tensed as (Y/N) spoke. The shadows swirled around their feet, and their hands had curled into fists. The look in their eyes was dark and dangerous. Em saw it clearly; (Y/N) was furious.

            “Of course. I’m back, isn’t that what counts?” said Lucifer brightly.

            “No,” hissed (Y/N). “No, that isn’t! You left! You abandoned me! You said you wouldn’t, and you did!” They marched up to Lucifer, and the shadows behind them spread out, cloaking the room in darkness. “So you don’t get to just walk back in without an apology!”

            “(Y/N)—” began Lucifer.

            “What is wrong with you?” snapped (Y/N).

            “(Y/N), I’m here now,” said Lucifer. He reached out, and shadows leapt up to grab his arm as (Y/N) glared at him.

            “Yeah, you are. After abandoning me,” said (Y/N). “So it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than walking back into my life to make it up to me.”

            “What can I do? Give you money?” said Lucifer, smiling and raising his hands to show he was open to anything.

            (Y/N) scoffed. “That’s what you think I want? You became an idiot while in Hell. You should know that’s not what I care about.” They turned away and walked towards their room. “Just go away again. You didn’t care when you left, and you clearly don’t care now.”

            “(Y/N), I want to make it up to you. Just tell me how,” said Lucifer.

            “My dad knew what I would want,” said (Y/N). They glared at him in their doorway. “But he abandoned me. So fuck you.” They slammed the door.

            Silence, and Em’s brow creased in worry for (Y/N).

            “Well…that didn’t go as well as I’d planned,” said Lucifer.

            “…You should’ve known (Y/N) would react that way,” said Em, quietly. “Your leaving hurt them.”

            “I know,” said Lucifer, smiling. “But don’t worry, everyone will be alright. I’ll handle everything.”

            He walked away, and Em was left alone in the living room in the middle of the worst situation possible: a regressing Lucifer (in terms of relationships with others) and a pissed-off (Y/N).

Taglist:

@sammyscreencaps-13

@grippleback-galaxy-galaxy

@scarlettqueen190

@ziro-the-null-god

@sammy-13

@zeros-rot

@ceridwyn3

@technikerin23

@poetoflawed

@slytherinroyalty16

@ilse235

@theurbannoodle

@lookitseddie

[two-braincells-in-total]

Why I love Juliette Ferrars and you should too

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Juliette hater or supporter, please read this, I spent a lot of time on it, and it’s important to know who the main character of the book we’re reading really is for the sake of truly understanding the book.

I somehow ended up on a side of TikTok that’s filled with Juliette haters and I’m not happy about it. If Juliette has zero haters then I’m dead, so I decided to write a full analysis of her character throughout the series in the notes of my phone because that’s exactly what normal people do at 2 am (it was edited properly before posting btw). Buckle your seatbelts, we’ll be here for a while.

Starting off with Shatter me, book 1. At the beginning, Juliette is locked up, knows nothing about the outside world, she’s borderline insane. All she knows is what happened before she got sent to the asylum, which is what makes her think that her powers make her a monster (because of what happened to the boy when she was 14) or at least contributes for that mindset.

Many Juliette haters say that they dislike her because she’s whiny. I think the previous paragraph is enough to see how ridiculous that sounds, but I’ll elaborate because I’ve argued with some before and they didn’t find it enough. Now, let’s get back on the timeline to before the book even started (aka her backstory).

She’s a 17 yo with abusive parents who have isolated her since they found out about her powers. Not only that, but they made a point of showing her that they think she’s a monster, which is also contributing to the mindset of hers that I mentioned above. Her mother put her hand in the fire when she was FUCKING 6 YO to see if she was human enough to burn. I haven’t read Juliette’s diary, so I don’t know if we were told about other specific situations from her childhood like this one, because there wasn’t much info about her life with her adoptive parents in the books, except this one, but we were explicitly told that they’re abusive and can definitely say that shit like this happened all throughout her life with them, aka at least 14 yrs (before she killed that boy) and possibly up until she was 16 (that’s when she got locked up in the asylum. I say possibly because she spent a lot of time in detention centers, so I’m not sure if they had enough time with her for that, but if they did, they definitely used it), which is a lot of abuse when you do the math. Keep in mind all of the cruel kids and teachers during her earlier years. They add even more trauma.

This gives her a lot of reasons to develop mental health issues that some would describe as her being whiny. So, yes, it’s absolutely reasonable for her to feel insecure and sad for herself as she does in all books, especially in Shatter me and Unravel me. She’s a traumatized teenage girl acting like a traumatized teenage girl.

Thing is, she isn’t even as whiny as they make her out to be. I’m not saying she wasn’t at all, but it was a reasonable amount, considering her trauma. I know for a fact that if I was in her place, I would’ve been much more whiny and annoying, and this probably applies to all of us. She spent the page time she was in the asylum for to do that and she did throw several tantrums at the base with Warner, but she spent most of her time there pretending to adjust and she did it so well that she managed to fool Warner and escape with Adam. She was amazing during the time between them escaping and the end of the book. She really pulled herself together for that part of the book, so you can’t say she was whiny the whole time, because it would be straight up false information.

Moving onto Unravel me (I’ll talk about her relationship with Adam and how it changed her after I discuss her character on its own). She’s at Omega Point and has trouble adjusting. She’s relearning how to communicate and is still struggling with her trauma, which makes it harder for her to train her powers. She, again, has every right to be whiny, as they say, but she also gets the wake-up call from Kenji in this book. She pulls herself together and actually starts figuring out what her powers can do and she also starts building relationships with other members of the resistance, such as Winston, Brendan, Lily, Ian. This is a very important part of her character development, her finally getting people to help her stay pulled together and not fall apart, her making friends. There isn’t much else about this book individually, what I haven’t mentioned about it, I’ll talk about after I finish individual books, but it was a very important step in her personal growth.

The biggest jump in her character development happens in Ignite me. She was the most pulled together in this book and that’s why it’s most people’s favorite (plus the relationship with Warner).She fully takes control of her life and risks it all for a better world. She now has full control of her powers and knows they’re a strength, not a curse. She’s making plans to overthrow the Reestablishment and to change the world for the better and she wins the war at the end of the book. A huge part of this book is her relationship with Warner that I’ll talk about later.

Juliette in Restore me is a little bit different. She is the surpreme commander but is doubting herself all the time. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do and her insecurities come marching back into her head. She finally finds a piece of truth about her past and that really changes things. The state her character is in during the book is something that might’ve been annoying at first, but it was actually necessary. It shows that healing isn’t linear and that the fact that you were at a high point doesn’t guarantee that you won’t get low again. She might not have been as strong as she was in Ignite me, but that version of her was needed to build the final Juliette later on, and to show a realistic process of healing scars from a traumatic past.

Defy me shows how she got back up from the point she was at in Restore me. She was regaining her strength, managing to piece together the whole story of her past from beginning to end and finally finding Emmaline. I think this book is the best one in the series, not only because of the writing and plot, but also because of her character in it. She was determined to get out of Oceania and, even though Kenji and Nazeera helped her do it, she managed. She showed us how we shouldn’t give up, even when we fell from a high point. There is hope for a happy ending, there can a spark of happiness in dark times.

Imagine me Juliette lost her memories. We see her inner debate about doing her job vs helping people in need. We see that even when she doesn’t know who she is in the literal sense of the word, she still has that piece of her that wants to help people, to be kind. When she gets back her memories, she finally makes things right. This is the end of her character development.

Let’s get to the three main relationships that she forms throughout the series, the ones that contribute to her character development the most.

1) Her relationship with Adam – they meet in Shatter me and start dating almost immediately, which should’ve been the first red flag. She was a broken girl who knew nothing about the world and he was someone who wanted to protect her. He kind of has a savior mentality, always wanting to keep the people close to him safe, when it actually does them harm. This protective wing that he has over Juliette and him being immune to her powers give her the impression that she doen;t have them when she’s with him, that she’s a normal human. Notice how she thinks it’s the lack of powers that make her human. It’s important for the point I’m trying to get across.

All of this seems like the right thing to do in Shatter me, but the situation changes in Unravel me. We find out about Adam’s powers and how his relationship with Juliette isn’t as safe for his life as they thought. They start fighting and break up.

In Ignite me, Adam starts showing his red flags. He refuses to accept the fact that she doesn’t want him back. He keeps telling her that she shouldn’t take the chance that Warner is offering, he’s holding her back. Even she says it on multiple occasions.

The relationship was toxic but it was necessary for both of their character developments. They started off as two teenagers who didn’t know what love is, so they thought that the first act of kindness someone shows them is love. The fact that she didn’t want or need to be protected anymore didn’t fit the narrative and they weren’t complementing each other anymore. Both of them said and did thing they shouldn’t have, not only him, but also not only her. It was bound to fail, but it thought both of them something and it sets us up for personal growth for both of them. They both found someone who they made it work with (Warner and Alia) and ended it on good terms. If it wasn’t for the failed relationship, Adam wouldn’t have learnt more about Warner and they woulnd’t have bonded as brothers later on.

The relationship was painful for both, but it was needed for the personal growth. Juliette realized that she doesn’t need to be protected and Adam swallowed his ego.

2) Her relationship with Warner – He was the first person to encourage her to use her powers to their full potential, the first to reassure her that they don’t make her a monster. That’s exactly why she thought that getting closer to him was a moral slip. He reminded her of her monsterous side, unlike Adam, who she thought was her link to humanity.

Juliette haters sometimes say that she was playing with his feelings when she a) shot him in Shatter me, b) said Adam’s name in Unravel me and c) broke up with him in Restore me. Let’s discuss those three events.

a) I think he absolutely deserved the shot. He forced himself on her and even though he apologized, it was still wrong. She didn’t care about him at the time, she took advantage of the situation and saved Adam with the shot. Don’t get me wrong, I love Warner but he. Deserved. The shot.

b) She didn’t mean it maliciously. She just suddenly realized that she just broke up with Adam and it slipped from her mouth. The kiss was also a moral slip, she had a lot of those moral slips in Ignite me. Even though they weren’t kisses, she thought that her attraction to him was wrong. This is why she pushed him away every time they got close. It’s a trauma response. And this time it was a simple accident. She didn’t mean to say it. She didn’t mean to hurt him

c) This is the reason I hate Castle. He knew everything about Juliette from the very beginning. That’s why he sent Kenji to get her. He should’ve told her when she got to Omega Point, or at least when she became surpreme commander. By not telling her, he puts the blame on Warner and that’s why everything happened the way it did. And she was right to be angry. She took it out on Warner because that’s what Castle made it look like by making him tell her. It wasn’t Warner’s fault but it wasn’t Juliette’s either. They were kids who were put on the spot by the person who was supposed to guide them. Neither of them was at fault, especially not Juliette.

Warner’s relationship with Juliette was very important for her character development. He was constant reassurance and encouragement, and love. She needed that. The stages of their relationship and its ups and downs are similar to Juliette’s personal ones and I find this a very good parallel. He helped her get back up when she was low. He was a very important person in her life and really necessary for her personal growth, just as she was to him. They helped each other find out what love really is, because neither of them knew before they met.

3) Juliette’s friendship with Kenji – he was the person to tell her to get the fuck up and stop crying. He was the reason she took over her powers and got strong enough mentally to fight and win and rule. People might say that she only made it because of him and they’d be right, but that’s not a bad thing. We need other people to be the way we are. Nobody can make it on their own. That’s the point of their friendship.

Their friendship also showed us another side of her. In his POV we see on multiple occasions that he wouldn’t have made it without her either.

Here are some quotes from Kenji’s POV:

“No one really cares about my emotional state; no one but J, if I’m being honest.” – Reveal me

“I know if she could just see me, she’d know something was wrong and she’d come over here. I know she would.” – Reveal me

“I’ve tried talking to Castle or Winston – even Ian – but no one has ever clicked the way J does.” – Reveal me

“With her, it’s different. I never even realized how much I was missing until we really got to know each other.” – Reveal me

“She doesn’t have to say a word. I can look into her eyes and know she gets it.” – Reveal me

“She gives a shit about me in a way no one else ever has.” – Reveal me

“I hear some kind of shuffle, and my hear picks up. J always comes through. She always comes through.” – Reveal me

“But in an instant, her smile is gone. And when she goes suddenly pale, when her eyes pull together in concern – I feel the tiniest bit better. I know it’s strange, but there’s something reassuring about her reaction; it means that at least something is right with the world. Because I knew. I knew that, unlike everyone else, she’d see right away that I wasn’t okay. That I’m not okay. No superpowers necessary. And somehow, that means everything.” – Reveal me

There are more, but I think those prove my point. (Translation: My brain is turning off soon, so I gotta finish this instead of finding every single thing Kenji has ever said about J)

I think they’re pretty self-explanatory, but still – she cares about people. He explicitly says that’s what makes her a good leader. And we see that through her friendship with Kenji. He might’ve been the one to help her get it together, but she did the same to him, and we always overlook that fact. It’s a very important part of her character that I had to mention for this to be completed.

Before I finish this off, there are two more thing that I want to discuss. They are things Juliette haters say that I want to prove wrong.

1) “Juliette was stupid” – no she wasn’t. She was learning how to socialize again after isolation, that’s why she wasn’t socially smart, which is the reason they might think she was stupid. She was actually a very smart girl and the plans she made weren’t out of character. And they were working for a reason. The reason being – she’s. not. Stupid. Also, it’s not her fault no one ever told her anything!

2) “They would’ve made it without her, she wasn’t special. It might’ve been easier” – actually, they did need her. They wouldn’t have made it without Warner and he wouldn’t have participated if it wasn’t for her. Another thing is, Emmaline was directly related to her. And she was also part of the reestablishment’s plan. They wouldn’t have found where Emmaline was kept to take her down without Juliette. She was important to resistance. They needed her. Not because of her powers, but because of connections she brought them. She was also a very good leader, it’s just that nobody told her what she’s supposed to do. How is she expected to know how to do something that she’s never heard how to do before?

Something else about her is that no matter what she went through, she still managed to be kind. She was strong but she had a heart.

All in all, I think she was an amazing person, human-wise. She had every right to be ‘whiny’ in the beginning, so, no, this isn’t a good argument against her. As a character, she was incredibly written. Her character development wasn’t linear, she had ups and downs, which is something very realistic and it was also written well. She never felt ooc, she just healed realistically. Did she have flaws? Many. Some of them were small, others weren’t. But she was human. Imperfect. You say you want complex characters, imperfect characters, but you lose your shit when the fmc is actually complex and flawed.

The point of the series is that a past doesn’t define if you’ll do great things in your life. That’s up to you. And that, as I said, healing isn’t linear, so having low points doesn’t mean you won’t make it. The point of this series is Juliette’s growth throughout the books and for a good character arc to happen, you need a very flawed character to start with. That’s exactly what she is. I get not liking her as a person (actually I don’t) but you should really consider looking at her from the character angle. If you still don’t believe that what I said in this paragraph is true, then you really lack media literacy – you had 6 books, 5 novellas and this thing and if you still don’t get it, that sounds like a you problem.

Now, as a finale:

To other Juliette supporters – please tell me if I missed anything, or I interpreted something incorrectly.

To Juliette haters (or recently former ones, if this post made you doubt your first judgment) that hate her as a person, I have a question – do you dislike her because she isn’t likable, or is it just your internalized misogyny speaking?

DISCLAIMER 1: If you still don’t like her, I’m not going to fight you on it. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, I just wanted to put my point across and spark a little bit of thought process about her.

DISCLAIMER 2: This might be awfully written and maybe I’m a horrible at interpretations, I’m sorry. I know this is all over the place and chaotic (my teachers are crying rn), I’m sorry. I said everything I can say about her, and maybe I worded some things wrong, please correct me if it comes to it.

Bye!

3260 words on this, omg, longest thing I’ve ever written

[insertsacoolname]

Byler Modern + Reincarnation Au (original concept)

(This better get noticed this time or else I'll cry 😭) (Also I don't ship Finn and Noah, just used them as a reference for how Mike and Will are gonna look)

- Pics from left side belongs to Mike and right side belongs to Will

- Will's hair are little more longer in length

- Will personality here is mixed of Max and his past self

- While Mike's personality is mixed of Lucas, Dustin and his past self

⚠️TW : Mention of De@th and su¡c¡de⚠️

This is mostly gonna be like a summary because I have so many things to add in this 🗿

-> Well before starting I wanna say that I'm really inspired by Obamitsu story (in kny) for this Au. The only difference is that they didn't die in eachother hands just like these two :(

Look how cute they are 😭🖐️💖

Anyways -

-> So this obviously takes place after season 5, they defeated Vecna but in the process Will dies but Mike survives (Damn the reddie card). Ofcourse it was devastating for Mike to see Will dying, but he continues to live because Will tells him too [Will says to Mike to care of himself and El (yes El survived) and tells him that he should marry her in future (Will says that because he didn't wanted them to fight like this forever and wanted them to live a happy life together)] and he also confesses to him but before Mike could even say anything, Will dies in his arms with a little smile on his face. Mike was also gonna confess to him but poor dude didn't got his chance (I hope this isn't sounding cringe, but I can already imagine a scene like this in my head). Fast forward Mike and El gets married as for Will (I don't ship them but for sake of this au let's keep it like that). Both of them weren't in love with each other now, they lost their interest in each other a long time ago but still were taking care of each other as they used too and still cared for each other, El knew that Mike liked Will (He [Mike] told her). Later on El dies because of the injuries that she got during the war (Even tho it's been so many years since that war, but people who got injured because of Vecna still faced some consequence). After the death of El, Mike stopped talking to people and became very quiet, he ignored his friends and family. He continued to visit Byers house to meet Joyce and Hopper but other than that he didn't spoke a word to anyone. Later some years his mental health got worse (consequence of war with Vecna) and he k¡lled himself (su¡c¡de)

-> Fast forwarding to now time, Mike, Will and El (and some of their other friends ) gets reincarnated in today's morden world. Although rest of them don't remember their past life (obviously), but Mike kinda does.

Mike sometmes get dream of his past life, the time he spent with his friends and the time he spent with Will. Although he doesn't fully remember everything, he just feels Deja Vu around them.

Well thats it for now, I will post more about this Au in future :)

(Let me know ur thoughts about this)

Peace ✌️🦅

[rzyraffek]

Eddie gluskin alphabet? 👀 That's a whole ass husband right there

Its been in my inbox for a week now😩😩 I didnt know what to put in some letters cuz all 'fluff alphabet ideas' had some weird ideas so I had to use my own brain. Scary Request open

She/her, sfw fluff, eddie gluskin is a bit of warning himself, kinda yandere-ish?

Eddie Gluskin fluff alphabet

Affection (how cuddly and how touchy they are with their partner)

Guy lives for night cuddles and hand holding while walking thrue hospital corridors. He doenst see good relationships without often touches

Body(favorite body part in their lover)

For sake of keeping it sfw im going to write that he really likes her hair and hands! Ooh and if s/o happens to be thick/chubby he gonna flew away

Comfort(how would he comfort his lover)

He would take whole situation very seriously and be straightforward about his opinion. Would grab her hand and lisen to her problems

Dating(are you guys doing on dates? Where and how)

Bestie the only 'outside world' you gonna see is hospital abandoned garden

But he sometimes tries to make atmosphere in one of rooms! Set candles prep some lil meal!

Emotions(how emotionally vulnerable he becomes?)

He never really shows his 'weak' side untill long time in relationship, he simply believes he has no issues regarding his emotional state

Future(what plans they have with their lover)

Definitely big house with a lot of kids, very old school marriage, he works she takes care of home

Gifts(do they give gifts? And how they react to receiving gifts too)

Would give her whole world if he could, if she is very close to him, he gonna spoil her so much

Also he treats any gift he receives like its the most precious thing ever! 'Oh honey you shouldn't give me this you are way to sweet'

Honesty(how sincerely and honest he is)

Even though eggie uses way too much smart words and complements he is rather straightforward about his plans and worries

Injury (how would he react to her getting hurt?)

Angy. Very angy acually. Who? When? Where? How? You stay there while he gets rid of any degenerate tha- you just fell down?? Awww you little silly you are so cute he should spend way more time with you then, if you are so so clumsy

Jealousy (how easly he gets Jealous and what triggers it)

Everyone and everything. He is a good husband and he takes good care of his wife mental health he cant let some disgusting joke of a person ruin their relationship! I mean none will break bond they have, right? Noone

Kiss(where and how they kiss)

Kisses everyday everytime they see eachother. Morning smooches and goodnight ones are must have. Also he loves when she kisses his neck and cheeks

Loyalty (would they cheat?)

No. Shes one and only he would never!

Marriage(do they want to get married)

His whole thing his marriage, he wants it as soon as yall meet! He is her perfect groom and she is his perfect bride

No(what is complete deadbreaker for them)

Also for sake of keeping it sfw imma say: Angry people. He can deal with people who are sad or shy. But when somone attacks him or yells? Rip. Litteraly rip.

Odd(do they have little odd behaviours in relationship)

...

ObBVILUSLY HES FUCKING EDDIE GLUSKIN

Baby if you arent into some weird doctor-patient roleplays or weird misogynistic vibe I recoment turning around. Also he finds scared people cute so yeah he gonna spook her on purpose

Personality (what he finds attractive personality wise)

Shy people, submissive, but he doesnt mind extroverts too. As far as they aren't annoying he's in love

Quality time (what they do in free time with them)

Probably reading, dancing, planning their future, having lil dates

Romantic (how Romantic they are?)

Guy litteraly wears suit every day, he also calls her honey/wifey/dear on daily basis. He is the undead romantic and he won't change, cliché stuff is his favourite

Secrets(what they are hiding)

A LOT, again its EGGIE FUCKING GLUSKIN guy has probably his all ex gf dead in his basement or some other fucked up stuff. Like idk, his biggest secret is that once he saw her in ugly outfit and lied and said that its pretty idk

Trust(how much they trust his other half)

Guy needs good few months if not years to trust her. But if he does omg Lady you could stab him, say it was accident and he would believe her. Its not that he's dumb, he is just mentally ill and kinda delusional (noway)

Understanding

Guy lacks empathy, but he can understand certain issues that she is facing, he will 10p% give her weird protip

Value(how much they value their lover)

Alot. Like his whole plot is looking for perfect love. When he finally finds the one (you) and hes 100% sure that it is it. The one(you). He gonna do anything to keep her alive happy and as lovley as ever. She's the most valuable thing he ever had and he won't just drop her? She is staying in his hand forever

Wildcard(random stuff about them)

Guy finds caring people hot. Please take care of him like he is alittle boy that just fell of swing please do it. Tell him how worried you are and please treat his wounds

X-ray(how much they can read emotions and thoughts of their lover)

Guy totaly isn't and empath but he totaly can read their feelings by expressions and body language.

Yes(how would he propose to her)

Yall seen the game?? Guy is straightforward with it. Just pick her up and "you gonna be my wife you know"

Zzz(sleep habits)

If wife no in bed? Why sleep?

He needs her laying next to him for him to acually relax and fall asleep

[idv-ask-the-showman]

{There’s Still Hope}

Part 1/2

Finally got around to write an update to the whole Flynn situation! the next part may be shorter but here is what I managed to write for now :3!

Tw:- suicidal topic.

In the hallway of the manor, Phineas, Carina, and Poppy made their way toward Flynn's room while carrying a tray of food and snacks for him. Flynn's health had improved enough for him to return to his own room… although but his other personality, Lemant, remained in control to this day, a fact that still bothers Phineas a lot.

So much so that he didn’t hear Carina calling his name until she shook his arm firmly.

“PHINEAS!”

“EH?!”

“For goodness’ sake, I’ve been calling you for ages! Is everything alright, honey?”

“Sorry, my dear~… I was just thinking about—”

“Flynn again?” Poppy says while humming softly as they walked.

“Yeah…” Phineas admitted, he sounded quite worried.

Carina sighed “Not surprising…. You’ve been on edge ever since he woke up. Honestly~ I thought you’d relax a little once he started walking again.”

“I am relieved he’s getting better physically but what about mentally? Ever since he woke up, it’s only been Lemant and None of the other personalities have taken control like Sanity and Minder not even Flynn himself.”

Carina was quiet, looking at the bowl of sliced apples she was holding and thinking about the whole thing… Flynn’s personality has always been a confusing thing that she is no longer even sure how many he has anymore but regardless she still cares for each one of them, after all they all part of him… is just…. Lemant is different from the rest.

“Is it really so bad that we’re talking to Lemant?” Poppy asked, they seem confused about the matter “He seems just fine to Poppy! He’s always smiling and seem happy!”

Carina hesitated, her voice more quieter now “Oh Poppy… t-there’s something you need to understand about Lemant. I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up before, but…”

Phineas finished her sentence for her “He clearly despises his own existence.”

A long, uneasy silence followed before Poppy finally broke it.

“Poppy doesn’t get it…. Why would he hate it?”

Phineas and Carina looked at each other, they both knew it wasn’t the time for a deep explanation and not to mention Poppy is clearly not ready for those kind of topics yet “We’ll talk about it later” Carina said gently.“Right now, let’s—”

Her words falls off as they opened Flynn’s door…

The bed was empty.

“W-where is he?!” Phineas yells, dropping the tray of food he was holding in his hands. In a state of panic, he tore through the room, checking the dresser, the closet, under the bed, even behind the mountain of plushies Flynn had collected. No sign of him, he even He flung open the window to look outside if the worst did happen…

Nothing.

“Damn it!” He turning back to the others “Poppy, Carina, we need to split up and search the manor!”

Carina nodded immediately, putting her bowl down and rushing off. Poppy was still confused and worried about the whole situation.

“P-Phineas… where could Flynn have gone?”

Phineas gripped their shoulders tightly “Poppy, if you love Flynn, stop asking questions and start looking, If we’re too late…” he couldn’t finish the sentence and just looked down with a pale face.

That was all Poppy needed to hear. Without another word, they ran out of the from the room. Phineas followed moments later while muttering under his breath.

“Brother, please… don’t do anything stupid…”

.

.

“Hmm~ it seem that I have lost my way ^^”

Flynn says to himself… or rather… Lemant… he was walking through one of the manor’s many hallways and rooms this manor has to offer. His body ached in pain with every step, he clearly wasn’t ready to be up and about, that for sure… But lying in bed had become so boring! He wasn’t even sure how far he has wandered off.

Alas, he came to a stop near a window. The view beyond the glass was quite familiar, the same starry night sky he had seen the moment he awoke from his coma.

“Yet another beautiful, meaningless night…” he murmured to himself with a faint smile.

Spotting a balcony ahead, he stepped through its doors, leaning against the cold iron railing… He then looked down, what a beautiful garden this forsaken manor has…

“Whaaa~ So high up…” he says in amusement.

“Yeah, that’s why you should STEP away from the railing, Lemant.”

“….”

He looked Behind him, standing in the doorway was none other than his brother.

With a faint smile he answered his brother.

“And why should I do that?”

-To be continued…

[dufferpuffer]

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

📖: If you had to remove one book from the series, which would you choose?

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

;)

Ask game Reblog. Anyone feel free to ask the same questions again I'll probably give different answers on different days B^)

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

The series as a whole? That it's pretty good, if obviously not the best. It has a lot of depth not in overarching narratives and world but in character stories and relationships. Especially in topics such as trauma, health, mental health, abuse, unhealthy coping strategies etc… because that's something the Author has lived through a lot of and puts into characters really well, whether subconsciously or not.

People get annoyed about how the Wizarding World doesn't get fixed at the end. I LIKE that it's still fucked! That the characters don't dedicate their lives to fixing every injustice in the world! That was NEVER their goal. They NEVER set out to mend things.

It's a war survival story. They're surviving because they want to live. They lose so much - loved ones and what should have been some of the best years of their life... feeling lost, a desire for normality, is a potent, melancholic but hopeful way to end the story.

It keeps it grounded in a sense of heavy reality right at the end - and that is something I LOVE about Harry Potter more than anything else: it's dedication to being gritty and sure-footed in reality, despite it's whimsy and silliness. Dreams are just a little real - and are often double-edges swords.

📖: If you had to remove one book from the series, which would you choose?

Can I delete like 40% of DH? Rewrite the 60% thats left…? Oh and 30% of PoA. Long, boring, empty scenes to pad out chapters. If I had to remove one entirely… probably CoS. I'd fuse the important elements of it with PoA to make that a more interesting overall read. Marauders Map is a Horcrux instead of the Diary? The Marauders repurposed/altered a magical item they found - and it lead them into trouble with a mind of its own? Idk...

I have a feeling many people would pick Philosophers Stone... that book can be pried out of my cold dead hands. I LOVE its meandering, lazy, Miyazaki-ghibli-esque pacing where all the plot happens too quickly at the end because it was too busy focusing on frogs and food and tiny events that seem so HUGE to a child.

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

…Most things with Hermione. I'm not saying she can't work with anyone - and I think any characters can be paired together in the right circumstances.

Just Hermione is often treated like the reverse-Harem protagonist; a self-insert girl (especially in the 2000s) She isn't. She has a very particular characterization that often rubs like sandpaper on those around her. I feel often when she is put into a ship a very small part of her is taken into account for the sake of a trope - and the rest of her is forgotten.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #105

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily (haven't missed one yet!) and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please like and reblog if you enjoy - the notes keep me going!

He's gonna be Frank with you. Read the rest of The Frank Program here on Tumblr!

“The Frank Program is sponsored by HelpYourself. HelpYourself is founded on the belief that everyone deserves therapy, and that it should be affordable for all. No need for insurance - just download the app and your first psycho… psycho… what does that say?” Frank showed the script to Big Mike.

“It says, ‘psychoanalysis.’ Can you even read, man?”

“Yeah, o’course I can read! There’s two vowels in a row, it’s confusin’! Now stop interrupting.” Frank cleared his throat. “All ya gotta do is, download the app and your first psycho-analysis is free with promo code FRANKPRO2024. Share your experience with therapy.”

“Uh…” Mike leaned over. “Pretty sure that part is instructions for you. You aren’t supposed to read it.”

“I know that! I said that because I wanted to ‘boost engagement.’”

“Sure you did.”

“Hmm…” Frank tapped his fingers on the table. “My experience with therapy… do ya think physical therapy counts?”

“No.”

“Well I never got none of that, neither, so I guess it don’t matter. My ex-wife always used to tell me I needed therapy for my anger issues…”

“She was right, you jackass.”

“Shut the hell, up, Mike!” Frank groaned. “How about I just make something up, huh? Like I tell a story about how therapy saved my life or some crap?”

“What, like you got locked in a looney bin?”

“Not a fucking looney bin! For fuck’s sake, Mike.”

“Hey, hey, no shame in it. Half the girls I’ve dated have been to one of those places. They’re packed with babes.”

“I’m not gonna tell everyone I’m nuts just to make the sponsor happy. You wanna do it, go right ahead.”

“I actually have been to therapy, Frank.”

“No shit? What for?”

“Like many folks our age, I grew up not treating my mental health with the concern it deserved. My dad and I didn’t talk about feelings, and my mom was too busy with my older sister and my younger brother. I was the loud one, but I was never heard.”

“That’s deep, man.”

“I’ve been a professional radio host for the last decade. I know what I’m doing. Anyway…” Mike paused to make it easier to cut down. “So when I moved out at eighteen, I was a complete disaster. I couldn’t hold down a job. Roommates always got sick of me. My relationships never lasted.”

“Probably ‘cause you kept dating psychos, Mikey.”

Big Mike ignored that comment and continued. “When I finally got a therapist and opened up to her, it was like I was clearing out the garbage from the back seat of my pickup truck. And you find the craziest junk buried in there, like fast food toys from when you were seven.”

“Really?”

“It’s a metaphor, Frankie. You gotta clear out the garbage in the back of your head so you can fit more people into your life.” Mike took the paper from Frank’s hand. “And that’s why we suggest HelpYourself, the easy way to get the help you need. Download the app today, and don’t forget that promo code FRANKPRO2024 for your free consultation and first psychoanalysis. That’s HelpYourself on the app store. And now back to The Frank Program.” Mike stopped the recording. “See, that’s how you do it.”

“I appreciate the help an’ all, but shouldn’t I say the last part?”

“What, ‘cause your name is in it?”

“Well… yeah.”

Mike waved his hand. “We’ll get it on the next one and cut it together.”

“How many we got left?”

“Seven. Today, anyway.”

“Ugh.” Frank rubbed his face and took the next paper from the table as Mike started up a new recording. “The Frank Program is sponsored by GrapeCrate, the first word in weekly fruit boxes sent right to your door…”

[popcornforone]

You’ve Not Lived, Until You Feel Alive

Chapter 2 of Is That All Mr Gutierrez series

Master List

Chapter 1

Thanks for the love for chapter 1 peoples, I know it was a little different to what I usually write but I need to character builds in this one. When we get to the smut it will be exactly what you all want.

Synopsis: Time has now passed & its 10 years since you had your first kiss with Javi. A lot has changed, & you’ve both grown, but your therapist is asking you to write a secure blog only they can see to get you to believe in yourself once again.

Word count:2500

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18! THIS IS A VERY TRAUMATIC CHAPTER! I know this will not be for some of you, it gets dark, but I needed it too, I have to break the reader before they get to have fun. Death, murder, suicidal thoughts, violence, terrorists, cancer, shooting, blood, pain & suffering, angst, agony, anger, PTSD, mental health, nightmares. Pining, wanting, unrequited love not being returned, break ups, loss, sorrow. This chapter is done in a blog, journal format.

Again I am sorry if this is triggering or too much, but I needed to do this to character build. If you want to skip to chapter 3 that’s fine, it will be published soon.

Thanks for understanding peoples, it means a lot, & thanks for reading it’s always appreciated. Don’t worry the smut is on its way, I promise.

Secure therapy Blog post 18

I almost didn’t publish this. I really didn’t think anyone would want to hear what I had to say after the events but my therapist said I should just write when the day happened. Writings my therapy, it’s my creative outlet.

But today was the day the unimaginable thing happened….

My dad passed away & im not sure I can go on.

My dads been unwell for a while. We knew it was cancer & it disappeared about 4 years ago but then it came back, & it was incurable.

Nothing the doctors said… there’s nothing we can do… he’s got 6 months… go make memories with him… so that’s what my mum

& I have done.

My mum to have to go through another loss in her life. Another heartbreak, another good bye. I’m not ready to post about the other heart break yet, but I will do one day. It not mine that happened I don’t recall it.

But we have spent the last 18 months with my dad having the best time in the world. The Gutierrez wedding in Cuba for Javis older sister Luna was so much fun, my dads face as I danced with Javi after few too many drinks, thinking of what I could have had with Javi from my time as a teenager crushing on him. It was like time had frozen. My head buried into Javis neck, inhaling his scent for old time sake. The way his hand stroked my back, making me want more. Trying not to think that his fiancé was looking right at us. She knows I’m just his assistant & look after the legitimate side of the business. She has no idea the feelings I have hidden away from her soon to be husband. A pipe dream I had 10 years ago when I wrote my teenage diary.

But then we got home & dad took a downward turn. & he told me to be brave & go after my dreams & to always be true to myself.

When he was still with us after the 6 months the doctor originally told us, we took each day as a blessing. I don’t believe in god, but I know my dad does. Every night I asked my dads god for one more day with him. & obviously I asked for one too many.

Watching him pass was heartbreaking & but also soothing. He was no longer in pain. & what he did medically for the world to help & try & find a cure still astounds me. My dad went through awake brain surgery to see what happened when it was operated on & how it affects the body. He was so brave. If that procedure saves one life, my dads pain & death won’t have been for nothing.

The Gutierrez’ have told me to take as much time as I need. Javi has sent around a vase of black orchids, my favourite, he always says he sees my inner goth whenever he looks at them. He’s said the business can wait & that he can look after himself for a few days, but I am already missing that dimple & cheeky smile. Even now he has a calming influence on me. It’s just him, it’s just J. He will always be there for me. & yes it’s weird that one of my closest friends in the world is a drug lord & part of the mafia, but we run the legitimate side of the family empire. We run it well. & Javi knows a day will come when he has to run all of it. He’s not looking forward to that but he knows it’s his destiny. He & Sofia will raise an amazing family & have a fantastic life & I will watch by the side, maybe with a family of my own, watching them be happy & be glad I have a small part in their life.

My dad told me to be happy. & that’s what I’m going to do… be happy.

He wouldn’t want me to mope around & wait for life to happen.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

We will have the funeral, Javi Senior has said we can have the wake at their mansion, no need for us to have it in our hotel.

But then I think I need to take that gap year I’ve always promised I would do.

I want to see more of the world than just Spain & England. I want to experience life. I want to feel alive. That’s what my dad always said, you’ve not lived until you feel alive.

Dad I miss you.

I miss your smile.

Your kind eyes.

Your bad jokes.

& I miss that you will never walk me down the aisle or watch me grown into a woman. I know I am a woman but I have so many life experiences to come & you won’t be there to watch me grow & fail. Become proud of myself & who I become.

I love you dad…

I’m not sure I can do this without you…

Secure therapy Blog post 26

I’ve put this off

Everyone’s told me to type

Everyone asked me if I’m okay

I say I am

But I’m not

So here goes

4 months ago I nearly died…

even typing that feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulder

It was horrible

I should not be here

I can still feel the heat when I drop off to sleep

The dreams & nightmares are so vivid

Every day awake was already struggle & now my peaceful sleep is full of flashbacks of horrors or my worst nightmares

It’s pain like nothing else

I was in Rome, after seeing the opera, just on my own. I needed from space from mum, work & Javi. His break up was hurting him a lot & he’d been making rash impulsive decisions. It’s most unlike him. So I suggested I went away for a week, have some me time & so he can get over Sophia. The last thing we both needed was to be moody in each others presence.

So I flew to Rome, did all the sights & went shopping, hooked up with some guys & stayed in a nice hotel & went to the opera.

Then at 3am as I slept in bed I felt warm, it was September so the weather is to be expected. & then I heard the noise, & smelt the ash. A car had exploded outside our hotel & the front of the building had caught on fire. I grabbed my phone & keys & headed to the fire escape.

I could feel the heat surround me, my lungs desperately needing air, as this ash fog just coated my throat. I remember seeing some people pass out, lots of screaming & items on the floor that I did not register. I knew I had to make it out, I had to see everyone I cared for one last time

I know that in the last 18 months since my dad passed I’ve felt helpless & suicidal at times but I’ve always found strength & love from others, it’s got me though it. I needed to get out in one piece. I needed to be with everyone even if it is just to say goodbye.

But then I got to the lobby to make my way to the exit. This was not just a car crashing & exploding, this was a massacre. This was an attack on the hotel & its guests. Bodys burnt in front of my eyes, some people bleeding out, bullets & weapons across the floor. Death stood between me & my exit. How I had got to this part of the hotel still alive & not in pain was a miracle already. As I stepped across the lobby heading for the exit, I could just hear my dads voice like he was there going, you’re doing so well sweetheart, you’re almost safe, you can make it. A few more steps & the horrors will be over. You can almost smell the fresh night air, keep going.

Maybe there is an afterlife, maybe he was reaching out to me but I knew I had to make it across & get tho the exit. It took me a while but I stumbled eventually through the exit & gasped as the nights air filled my lungs.

But then the horror continued… but I have no recollection of it. All I remember is the high piecing screech & suddenly feeling warm as something hit me. Blood trickling & seeping through my sleep shorts. I had been shot. I know I blacked out but there was just one thing running through my mind before my face crashed into the hard cold concrete path. That i would was never get to apologise to Javi for telling him to man up after the break up, for not telling him that I knew Sofia was having an affair sooner, & for not telling him that he has been my true love from the moment I met him, aged 13.

27 of us survived the hotel siege. My mum said I had a face Picasso would have been proud to paint when I woke up. She was crying but her humour got me through it. She’s had so so much loss in her life. Losing me would have hurt the most, she’d have no one. We agreed one step at a time, keep things slow, but I keep having these nightmares from the day. I now know it was the police who shot me by accident thinking I was apart if the group storming the hotel & I am being compensated, I mean it is there job to protect everyone & not take any risks. But I was in my jammies how many terrorist siege a hotel in pjs?

Seeing Javi when I got back here on the island was perfect. All our anger & frustration with each other had gone. We hugged & cried & promised to never be mean or hide anything from each other again. & then he broke my heart just before I went to tell him how I really felt about him & that he helped get me through that night & how he was the last thing I thought of before I blacked out. He said I was his best friend & he knew we would always have each others back.

It still hurts much like the wound in my leg. It hurt deep. But if Javi just wants us to be just friends I can cope with that. I just want Javi to be happy that’s all. I want to watch him grow & flourish & live his best life. I want the world for Javi & if that means I’m just a friend, I hope I can deal with it.

I’m so glad I have a secure server to type on.

This has really helped me today, & so has looking back at all my old posts. Therapy has really made me not feel guilty, that I’m here & those people aren’t. Survivors guilt is real & it’s painful. I do still wish at times that I didn’t make it out but my dad was the voice in my head telling me to keep going & that I am strong. My mum will always have my back. & I know I can trust Javi to support me in everything as a friend, even if that’s all it is. But I do wish it was something more…

Secure therapy Blog post 32

It’s been a while… it really has

My therapist told me to write

She told be to be honest

She told me she would read this

She told me to say it

I am worth something

I am not defined by my recent trauma

& I am valid in my pain

Last week was not only the 2 year anniversary of my dads death but also the day I received my compensation for being shot & the findings report from the massacre were released on the same day, it hit me like a train & i seriously considered with all the emotions & conflict inside me, if my life actually mattered

My mums back in London, to complete the renovation of the new dinning room & kitchen of our hotel there, my best friend is on her honeymoon, & no offence to you my therapist, but I knew what you were going to say. I wanted something else or someone else to validate me.

I’ve been staying at Javis on Saturdays recently, he says that’s when he misses company the most & he usually has meetings or church on Sunday mornings. So I was just standing in the kitchen cooking us dinner, when everything just over came me, the knife in my hand looking so sharp & inviting, would anyone really miss me if I killed myself right now…

I didn’t even know Javi had entered the kitchen, but I knew the second I came out of my paused trance that the tingling sensation Within me was from his hand removing the knife from mine, putting it out of my reach. His other hand stroking my back going up & down my spine. I felt like I was actually breathing & being seen for the first time in almost 2 years.

& that’s when one of my favourite songs came on the playlist i was listening too. & I just rocked with Javi in silence, his arms tightly around me waist, squeezing the pain out of me but also filling me with love & purpose… the moment I finally turned my head to see him & his big puppy dog eyes, the lyrics sang “when nobody understands you, well I do” played. We both just softly smiled at each other no words being said.

When the song ended he asked me if I felt better & that I was always welcome & safe in his house or his parents villa if I need some space & didn’t want to go back to the hotel. I told him I knew that, he told me because that’s what best friends do we say nothing & we just understand don’t we…

I should have told him there & then that I was now sure I wanted more but the moment was so pure & perfect & gave me purpose again, that I didn’t want to ruin it with heart break for me if he rejected me. I couldn’t cope with that, not right now. So I’ll continue continuing on

I know my place

& I know Javi will always be there for me…

Chapter Three

[rainbowmancer-gwen]

This might be a long one so bear with me. Don't read if you don't like hospitals, Transphobia or nasty things. TW- SA, PTSD, Little space/ age regression, hospitals, Pain, Morphine.

Thank you to my Joyfriend @macrotiis for helping me through the last couple of days.

........

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

........

So as some of you know I've been fighting some PTSD related to SA... Monday night at training Mestre was trying to teach something to do with wrists. So without knowing that's a trigger grabbed my wrist and I panicked... Asked politely that he let go. He did when he saw how scared I was. I ran away to fight back the tears

Came back to that mats and kicked harder than I have ever kicked. Me today is a lot stronger than me then and the bastard who hurt me won't anymore. (Should probably learn that wrist thing for the sake of the old me... But baby steps).

So I get home and I start having pain in me... Scrotum. (A girls' scrotum attached to a girl) Called healthline, and they said it's torsion, so call 111. 111 all ambulances are busy, but I need to be seen. They paid for a taxi. The taxi journey was kinda harrowing because of all of the wiggley roads... But Ahmed was kinda lovely to me. Gave me a furry pride badge that he had in his car for some reason when I asked about it.

Get to hospital and have to Deadname self to receptionist. She's super sweet and changes it... But calls me Gwendolyn and I have to correct. She was actually great and could see I was struggling a little. Triage nurse was a legend.

ED nurse was not. So, the nurse in ED botched an IV into the back of my hand causing agony. whilst the doctor was talking to/ examining me (She should have stopped because the doctor literally had my lady jewels in my hands)...

Then after she persists, and she's digging in my hand. I can see the line tissuing as the doctor is squeezing my nads and explaining stuff like, "For Cis folks, the goal is to save the testicle. Are you okay with me calling them testicles? " I'm like... Look, I really don't care... Just do what you gotta do. He was a very young looking doctor his name was Claude. He looked a little gender nonconforming, but I was too out of it to ask... did talk to the acute urologist about orchiectomy instead, which was kinda a cool gender consideration, I guess...

I am in pain and she goes "Sorry brother", She was wearing a rainbow lanyard.... There's tell us your pronoun posters everywhere. Not good enough!

Sonographer said, "Testicles are tricky fellas to scan sometimes... Again too high on morphine to care, but deep down, sorta cared

Moved to other ward. The nurse confirmed pronouns with me, which was nice. Let me sleep for most of the night and didn't need to check me often. Was really sweet with both judging me for my comfort items (plushies and a blankie from home and an adult pacifier)/ waking me when I had, eyemask, and earplugs in, (waking me by touch, wakes me up ready for a fight...) Spoke a little about trauma/ mental health (how I got here) and wanted to see my tattoos. I told her a little about why I had my binky... Big me can fight... Small me couldn't. Sometimes, she needs comforting. Nothing else was said, but I know they're likely to talk about it...

My discharge paper says 33F testicular pain. So that's cool... Thankfully, my condition self resolved save for a little pain (a lot of pain but now managable)

I slept most of yesterday. I felt very small. Managed to go to the ISO social potluck, but it was kinda overwhelming. I cried into my friens shoulder when he called me a "Tank!"... You're right Jasper I am a tank. But my friend Jordan said "A tank is only armoured on the outside. Inside it's cramped, tense, and complicated"

Can the world just stop throwing shit at me for one day? That's all I want! Let me catch my breath...

Santo Antonio. Quero Agua!

[letsberealgenz]

4 small habits that will change your life forever (I MEAN IT)

Do you know something? I skipped an event’s lunch just to share this with you because I know this is something that is about to change or impact so many people’s life positively. I can’t keep this anymore longer. I need to break the egg.

I’m about to share with you 4 habits that changed my life forever. Or should I say this?

My life completely transformed overnight when I began these habits and what’s interesting is when I began this in an asynchronous manner. (YES IT IS POSSIBLE)

Usually you would hear phrases from expert claiming it’s easier to begin with 1 tiny habit at once and slowly start adding the others right?

What if I told you I am a living proof of you can do it all together in fact what if I told you this? These habits correspond to one another. It is so interconnected where you can’t skip one of it without another.

The first habit is meditating. I know I keep mentioning this habit but for real I will keep doing it because of this my entire life took a 360° turn. I will always be amazed how this ONE habit affects EVERY area of our human life. If you want to know the secret, the hack and the magic of how meditation can transformed your life completely in a positive way. I would highly encourage you to read or watch this.

The second habit is definitely reading. Reading the right books is the ultimate key here. Here’s the hack. Listen closely.

~ If you take the book which you’re reading as your virtual mentor then you’re about to receive free mentorship/tips/tricks and the most important WISDOM from your mentor.

~ The author is actually sharing with you the wisdom that he/she have gained probably in a really difficult or after years of living. Therefore if you can highlight, absorb and find the best way to apply this WISDOM into your life. Then this is going to be a GAME CHANGER.

~ Why? Because you are able to bypass or reach your goal/destination faster compared to someone whom is just reading for the sake of reading.

“Reading is only beneficial if you know how to apply that knowledge into your life.”

The third habit is exercising. Yes I know you are done hearing this over and over again. I feel you man but what if I told you this? Working out doesn’t need to be difficult anymore in fact it can be your best friend if you know this hack of mine:

~ Do whatever: dance, yoga, running, walking, jogging, swimming or literally any act that makes you SWEAT. You just need to let go of the toxins and energy that have been contained within you. That’s it!

~ Your workout just need to be fun. Find something that resonates with you well. As if you really love doing it and you look forward to it. In that way it’s not going to be difficult. You don’t need a “specific” 30–45mins of workout, visiting the gym, paying membership or etc.

~ In fact if you know this hack you can literally let yourself free. Be flexible with your workout routine. Don’t commit or fit yourself into a specific “workout regime” instead be flexible. Every day is going to be different. Some day you have more time to workout or in fact some day your plate is full.

The final habit is journaling. Journaling changed my life especially it impacted my mental health positively. Now I know a safe way to express myself wholeheartedly without any fear of judgment. It’s free therapy I swear. If you treat journaling like you’re speaking to your therapist, ahhh you’re about to unleash the greatest magic of life.

~ In fact I take journaling pretty seriously now after years of sticking it into my daily routine. It is a form for me to begin my day writing down my affirmations, my goals, my to-do list that is highly aligned with my goals and also writing daily gratitude.

~ You’re not going to believe this but your heart and your entire being feels so much lighter once you’ve write it down. Because before this it was all in your head/mind and now you can actually see it in reality on a piece of paper. This way you’re more calm and organized.

~ Instead of having all that 20 to-do list, now you’re about to minimize it into a handful that actually aligns with your true purpose. That way you’re not having a busy day instead you’re about to have the most productive day of your life.

Now why do I say all these habits need to be performed together to actually reap the ultimate benefit?

Let me make this really easy for you.

When you meditate the first thing in the morning, you’re setting your mind, your body, your heart, your soul and your entire being in the most sublime peaceful manner. You’re calm now. You are training your mind to be in full control before your day actually starts being really busy.

Instead of thinking or going through your entire day in your mind when the first thing you get up. Now you are actually looking forward to take care of yourself, get yourself geared up in the most positive manner in order to give the best version of yourself throughout your day.

After meditating, even though you take just a couple of minutes to read you are actually boosting your mind. You are taking effort to grab that wisdom from the book and finding a way on how to apply that in your life.

Stretching or working out comes into play as you want your blood circulation to be running efficiently to get you boosted up before you take on the day.

Lastly journaling. Write it down. Everything down so that you know exactly what you need to do in order to have a PRODUCTIVE day not just a busy day. There is a vast difference there.

That’s it. Once you know the gist of how powerful these 4 small habits are you are on your way to your best life. I promise you this.

Yours, Asrajjit Kaur

[subbyboymax]

I just had an... unpleasant realization about myself.

So for context, a friend and I had a falling out over the last few days. I made the... rather painful but necessary decision to cut ties and had a lawyer (my mother) draft me up a legalese message basically saying I want no further contact. For legal reasons, I want to be clear, I did it that way because I found out this friend was facing pretty serious legal trouble at the same time, and she hadn't provided any significant evidence that she hadn't done those things, while the other side (namely, a friend who is associated with the other side) had shown me evidence that she may be guilty that was pretty compelling, and convinced me it was better to do this as clean and legally sound as possible.

In hindsight, this was a mistake. In hindsight, I should have talked it out with this friend, and laid out the issues I had with our friendship, and why I needed to leave. She may have reacted the same way she did, with fury and hate, in which she proved me right about everything I felt was wrong with our friendship, and with her behavior towards me.

Anyway, the realization I had, was that I find myself actively SEEKING out friendships that are toxic, or abusive, or harmful, because maybe a small part of me feels I don't deserve the friends who love me, and value my existence, and support me, the same way I do the same for them. Yeah I have friends like that, but I find myself getting drawn in by toxic people.

It's genuinely a shame, too. I really valued this friend, and she inspired me to do things I never would have done otherwise, but it had to end for the sake of my VERY frayed mental health. I am scared, that every day that goes by, she's trying to find a way to get back at me for cutting her off. Trying to make moves while I sleep to find weakness to use against me. Trying to find a way to hurt me more, and there's SOMEHOW still a part of me that wants to go back to the way it was. It's too late now, and I know this was what I needed, but it doesn't make it hurt any less to lose someone in my life that I felt close to and cared about.

If she ever sees this, I know you hate me. I know you are angry. I ask if you truly valued our friendship, you will let me go. You will let me be free, and you will not try to hurt me for doing what I needed to do to protect myself. Please just let what we had go.