#she’s like a neurodivergent to neurotypical bridge

[chattybugette]

Neurotypical son (Adrien) versus neurodivergent dad and assistant (Gabriel and Nathalie)

[what-if-i-just-did]

What about.. aliens and neurodivergents?

Like, they find out about body language, and facial expressions, and sayings, and all of that stuff. And the amount of poisons we drink for fun. And they're weirded out. And the humans don't know how to explain it, because they don't know any other.

Then the aliens meet neurodivergents. And at first they're like, wtf there are humans who don't understand humans? But then they realise, oh wait, these 'weird' humans can explain the 'normal' ones. And they start calling the neurodivergents 'h-w', 'humans weird'. So they talk about neurotypicals. And someone bring up how we poison ourselves for fun. And the neurodivergent is like, "Oh yeah, caffeine doesn't work on me, and I need like a whole wine bottle to get even tipsy and like six sigarettes for the nicotine to work but I had weed once and I got like wicked high instantly" and the alien is like wtf you're h-w you're supposed to be normal by galactic standards???

And say, the Kgrifu ship Hashalaiy has eight humans, which is almost the permitted maximum of ten, and only one of the eight are neurodivergent, and they tend to mask in public, even if the other humans aren't around. They usually turn down human applications but then they get one that states 'h-w, strong by human standards, frequently non-verbal' and they decide yes, let's hire this one, they're h-w, and if they're strong by human standards, they must be wicked-strong by galactic standards.

And this human, Bridge they call themself, introduces themselves to the other humans. The aliens look on with intrigue. Bridge keeps their eyes on the ground, talks softly, and fidgets with their sleeves. Seven of the other humans look them up and down, frown, and don't give them a second thought. The other h-w, though. Earth, her name is. She looks at them with curiousity, and exitement. When Bridge is done talking, Earth slowly walked towards them. She doesn't make eye-contact, like she usually does. "Autistic?" She asks in a soft voice. Bridge looks up, nods enthusiastically. Earth breaks out in a large grin. "ADHD with a side of OCD, on my side." The aliens don't know what those words mean. Then Bridge's expression changes slightly, and it isn't an expression any of the Kgrifu's know, but Earth immediatly replies verbally by saying "It's Earth."

The aliens observe Earth and Bridge interact the next few weeks. They're almost always around eachother, and barely talk to communicate. When they do talk, it's usually Earth- Bridge has said maybe a total of 20 sentences while around Earth, and usually they only really use one word. Rather than words, they use the 'body language' Earth claimed not to know, a few words from something called 'sign language' (an entire language of hand-movements!), simple noises such as hums, and, suprisingly.. touch. Earth will tap Bridge's right shoulder twice, or Bridge will run their fingers through Earth's hair (humans only have fur in four or five places on their bodies, and the fur on their heads are ridiculously long), and the both of them will recognise this as communication.

One time, ensign Ririfé sees/overhears (pretty much the same thing for xe's species) one of the 'normal' humans, Pietro, xe thinks his name is, look at such a non-verbal conversation with annoyance. Earth hums a specific melody, something best written as 'hmm-hmm-hmm-hhhhhhhh-hmm?', and then Bridge cocks their head to the left. Earth responds by doing a kind of half-shrug with one shoulder and saying "Tomorrow". Bridge thinks for a second before shrugging. Pietro calls out, saying: "Hey! Talk out loud, would ya!" This gets an identifiably 'angry' look from Earth, pointedly directed at Pietro, whereas Bridge, a large, muscular human, basically shrinks into themselves. Earth angles her head towards the door and looks back at Bridge. Without words exchanged, they leave. Pietro looks even more annoyed and goes over to his 'friends' (a human word for a non-biologically related pack consisting of humans (or other, sometimes!) of the general same age). Ririfé rushes to go tell the captain.

Alternatively, the aliens brand neurodivergents as the normal ones, and neurotypicals as the oddballs. The neurotypicals do not know how to handle this. I don't feel like writing a whole story for that right now but if you like the idea you should tell me.

Feel free to add on to this btw!

[is-your-blorbo-neurodivergent]

does she have autism and schizophrenia?

submit your own characters here to be featured!

reason: The reasons for schizophrenia are a lot more obvious, because she has very clear signs of psychosis and delusions. She hallucinates often and speaks in a very scattered way that comes off as nonsensical and disjointed.

The reasons for autism are more related to her as a child, before the time skip and when she was still known as Powder. She doesn't fit in with the other kids and shows high levels of anxiety and sensitivity. She prefers to keep to herself and tinker with things and make things, and also draw. She doesn't react to things the same way the other kids do. In the opening scene on the bridge, her expression is very different from Vi's. While this can be attributed to being too young to understand death, I think she does know what's going on. She has meltdowns like the one in the scene after Vi leaves for the warehouse. I've seen people use these details to say she was a budding psychopath, which is honestly really upsetting for me because I see my childhood self in her a lot. I also think that's just a gross mischaracterization and also shows a lack of understanding of what a psychopath is as well.

[rainbowsky]

so today my mom was over at my place and my desktop background is a picture of xiao zhan from his winter solstice shoot, and when she saw it she asked who the hottie was and i had to restrain myself bc it was not the time place or the right person to info dump to! luckily or maybe unfortunately as an autistic person "conceal don't reveal" is a thing at which i excel alkjhslkdjf

but that got me wondering if i could perhaps ask for your perspective and experience with this, since i know you are also autistic. i find it very difficult to determine how much of my hyperfixations and special interests are safe to reveal to others and i've had some not so great reactions before so now i tend to keep up the mask and hold it all in, even with people close to me. as a result i know i probably come across as a very boring and negative person who is never interested in anything. i don't think i'm like that, but honestly i'm not sure anymore. i've pretended for so long i don't really know who i am.

do you share a lot with the people around you about your special interests? how do you know when where and to whom it's safe? does it all come down to surrounding yourself with good and understanding people that you're comfortable around and that accept you completely? writing it out now it looks so simple, like yes of course that's what i'm supposed to do! but how?? i don't know how to read people and on the occasions i have decided to trust someone and it turned out to be a huge mistake it feels really bad to be proven wrong, and being wrong lowers the chances that i'll open up again.

i can't help but fear that i will never be able to truly be myself around other people. in online spaces it's possible to stay anonymous and it's easy to just block and ignore the assholes, but it seems much harder irl. do you perhaps have any tips? since we have some of the same interests and your blog exudes a calm and accepting energy i feel like you would be a good person to ask. i hope it doesn't put you out.

thanks so much and take care! 💜

Hi Anon! 💖

It's not your job to protect people from your personality. I'm sad whenever I see this being taught to people, it's so wrong.

There is an affirmation that's been making the rounds for years that is so true: "You deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable."

A lot of neurodivergent people seem to carry the baggage of neurotypical people's disdain toward, impatience with and disrespect for the differences of others, and to that I say: BS. Their bigotry, ignorance and entitlement are not your problem.

A lot of the standards and expectations around how people 'should' be are a product of dominance culture (aka white supremacy culture). The belief that there is 'one right way' to be - and that the only way to be worthy and acceptable in society is to conform to that 'one right way' - is a core feature of dominance culture. That culture is one of the most destructive forces on the planet, and I urge everyone to root it out and dismantle it wherever they find it.

In fact there are many wonderful ways to be and live, and in a conformist world our choice to love ourselves, be ourselves and pursue self-actualization is a revolutionary act.

Of course we can and should work with others to build bridges across our differences and find ways to ensure that both people's needs get met in our relationships. But it's important that it is a two-way street, and not just a situation where we're doing all the adapting and accommodating and they're reaping all the benefits of being catered to*.

When that happens we end up having our value and self-esteem undermined while theirs is boosted, validated and affirmed. That only exacerbates the power imbalances and further erodes the relationship and our ability to build healthy, trusting connections.

*Contrary to popular belief, neurodivergent people spend their lives and a great deal of energy accommodating neurotypical people - not the other way around. The fairly recent, mostly tokenistic attempts to make spaces and cultures more 'ND-friendly' can't even hold a faint candle to the insane pretzels ND people have had to twist ourselves into for decades trying to 'fit in' and be accepted into a world which still caters almost exclusively to able-bodied, white, straight, cisgender, affluent, educated, neurotypical people.

So, to answer your question - be yourself, and in this way you will find your people.

Authenticity is the only way to build authentic relationships and connections.

If there are people in our lives who don't understand us and who treat our interests and our personalities as 'a problem', that's a problem that both sides need to address. We need to self-examine and make sure we are making space for the other person to express themselves, but they also need to do the same for us.

Balance is found by working together toward a common goal - a genuine connection between two people. Make sure that you both share that goal. Communicate your needs and ask them to share what their needs are as well.

Our needs matter.

Don't let them go unnoticed, unacknowledged and unmet. Not by you or anyone else.

We're all in fandom, we're all familiar with the concept of 'the confession'. This is actually an important concept in all relationships, not just romantic ones. Because in ALL relationships, being yourself is the ultimate act of love.

Just like a love confession, it requires vulnerability, trust and a desire to connect. When we reach out to someone to share some part of who we are inside, we are initiating a connection with that person and giving them the gift of our authentic self.

If they are unable or unwilling to accept that and meet us where we are, then they are probably not the right person for us to connect with, or else they aren't yet ready to connect.

That can be painful and can feel like a form of rejection, but I try to take those things as useful information, and treat my personality as a friend filter. Those who are put off by me aren't the right people for me to try to be close to. I want to surround myself with people who are able to be real with me and accept me and celebrate me for who I am (and vice versa).

Special interests are a big part of that, because they become so central in our lives. If we have people close to us who can't make space for us and our special interests in some way, then we will end up feeling lonely and invisible. That becomes even worse when we are shamed and ridiculed for our interests.

I go back to what I said before - our needs matter. If we work toward having truly reciprocal, equitable relationships where both people's needs are being met, we will be happier overall.

Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is a great place to start on that project.

Trust is hard. I am naive and trusting to a fault, and I have to lean heavily at times on others who have my best interests in mind, or else I end up being bullied or taken advantage of.

If you're struggling with that, I urge you to find someone you can truly trust (preferably multiple people) - such as a close friend or family member who has proved to truly have your best interests at heart, or if you can't find that, a therapist who understands your needs and vulnerabilities and can be a support and a sounding board - and get their help and advice in situations you're uncertain about.

If you can't find a therapist and you have no close people you trust, there are many online communities and groups where you can find like-minded people to bounce these things off of.

Most importantly, always remember that everything we say, do and think can only ever be a reflection of ourselves, our values, and what's in our hearts and minds. It can never be about anyone else.

If people treat you badly it's not because you're bad, it's because they are.

(or rather, because they're unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited, in a dark place, self-focused to a fault, etc. etc. but that doesn't make as memorable a sound bite)

Don't let unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited people, etc., etc. teach you to think or feel badly about yourself. Understand that hurtful criticism is about the other person and their expectations, values and attitudes, not about you.

Exercise healthy boundaries. Understand where the other person ends and where you begin, and refuse to take on things that aren't part of who you are. Ask yourself, "Do I truly agree with what this person is saying?"

Is what the other person claims true, fair, honest, and said in the spirit of compassion and connection, or was it said in a judgmental, self-absorbed (focusing on their needs at the exclusion of your own), punitive way? Are they trying to connect with you or are they trying to control or change you?

We can often have a tendency to hear criticism - particularly from those who we look up to or want to have a connection with - as truth being served to us by someone who sees something in us, when in most cases other people's criticism truly has nothing to do with us. It's about the other person and what they want.

This tendency to gobble up negative messages from others ties in with the nearly universal experience of imposter feelings - the idea that deep down inside we are unworthy, a fraud and an imposter, and it's only a matter of time before others will find us out and condemn us. This is another feature of dominance culture.

People are much more attuned to negative messages than to positive ones because of the deep, secret fear that we are bad. Which is so tragic, because the people who know us best and have our best interests in mind are the loving voices we tend to dismiss, while the mean-spirited messages from hurtful people are taken to heart.

But as I said before, their criticism has less to do with us and much, much more to do with who they are and what they want.

And what they want might not be right for us, so we should be cautious and considered in how we handle it. We need to unpack and examine it, and only take in what feels fair and helpful and can enrich our lives and lead to growth.

I know I say this a lot, but we should never let anyone else tell us who we are. We are the only experts on ourselves. If we are self-examined, honest and personally accountable, and if we are doing our best and acting in good faith, that is all anyone can ask of us.

So as I see it, you are dealing with two separate issues:

The internalized belief that you are 'too much' for neurotypical people to want to be around.

Issues around trust in relationships.

Recognizing these as two separate issues and reflecting on them as such might help a lot.

The first is an issue of self-acceptance. Only by looking at yourself as worthy and valuable and interesting can you go out into the world and take your place in relationships as an equal who has something appropriate to contribute rather than approaching it as though you are a burden.

Only by championing your own needs, traits and beautiful qualities as every bit as valid and important as the needs, traits and qualities of those around you will you find a balance and build relationships where you are appreciated and valued.

The second issue is something that takes time, but building trust means taking risks - there's no way around it.

Don't take other people's disappointing behavior personally. When we test the waters to see if someone is worthy of our trust and they show us they aren't - that's useful information about our incompatibilities with that person. It doesn't say anything about our selves, or about our worth as humans. All it tells us is that we are going to have to look elsewhere to find the right connection.

Long-winded and meandery, but I have a lot of thoughts on these topics because they're issues I've grappled with a lot in my life. I hope any of it is helpful, Anon. And I hope you find ways to be comfortable sharing more of yourself with others who can accept you and celebrate you for who you are.

I talked in more detail about conformity, acceptance and dealing with people who ridicule our interests/fandom here.

I talked more about dealing with issues around autism here.

EDIT: A couple of follow-up posts

About the limitations and barriers some people face with building in-person connections

Further tips and reading on self-esteem

[goldswords]

I’ll begin by saying I think these experiences are far more common than they’re made out to be. I find our current psychiatric models of these experiences to be limiting if not outright stigmatizing.

Autism and disassociation are both very common experiences to go through, and autism can lead to someone being chronically dissociative (1). Dissociation is a defence mechanism our brains adopt while under stress, even something as minor as a long boring car ride. Anxiety is particularly co-morbid with autism, both as autistic people tend to be less tolerant of everyday stress, and as a result of the hostilities against us (2). In short, it seems very probable to me that chronic disassociation is more common in autistic individuals.

In adolescence I found myself having frequent meltdowns and moments where I acted out in extreme and uncharacteristic ways with limited recollection of these events. These moments were seen as “disruptive” and I was specifically told I was “inconsiderate towards the feelings of family and friends”. While not solely due to autistic overstimulation, as I was dealing with unrelated PTSD and other mental illnesses, the result is effectively the same. If you’re disruptive you’re deviant towards the norm and are punished accordingly. We are taught to ignore extreme levels of stress for the convenience of others, and most of my therapy revolved around solidifying that instead of addressing underlying issues.

I see this as fundamentally similar to masking. When we mask, we emulate neurotypical qualities and disassociate from certain needs, desires, and even autistic identity itself. Another connection I hadn’t thought of from this presentation, brings up the concept of “introject parts” where when an autistic person internalizes the neurotypical qualities of another, they may in a sense take on the identity of this person and begin to feel like said person. Additionally, the suppression of autistic needs, desires, and joys leads to the alienation of oneself. If you’re more prone to depersonalization, this “exiled part” may be conceived of as another self entirely. That was the way I experienced things at my worst. I had a strong sense of abandoning my previous identity and needs when I was forced to mask and experienced a noticeable personality shift as I crafted something more palatable to the sane and neurotypical world.

Eventually, I sought out a therapist after being frustrated with how limited my memory had become, and how I felt I was missing out on life by not being fully present. She specialized in disassociation and explained its spectrum to me, and how it was ultimately a part of my life, just as being autistic is. Unfortunately, there’s no easy fix to chronic disassociation. I still get upset thinking how two years of my life are largely blank. I struggle in school and with relationships because of poor memory retention. However, I did see improvement when I could identify my triggers and reduce/avoid them. Along with trauma processing, I did a lot of Internal Family Systems work, which posits “parts” and self-alienation as an experience common to everyone (I don't agree with all aspects of it, such as the idea of a "core self" but it's techniques got me out of the worst of it). Learning to accept and allow these parts to self-express in healthy ways helped my self-esteem and aided with some of the alienation. Visualizations were primarily what I did in therapy, but frequent meditation (this one was helpful) was also a big part of it. Journaling/drawing often in my sketchbook or phone as a "paper trail" helped me retain day-to-day memory better, and bridge dissociative gaps.

Finally, I think there is something to be said about finding community and neurodivergency/mental illness liberation as a whole. Attempting to understand the ableist systems behind my abuse helped me process it to some extent, and gave me motivation to seek to create a better world so people beyond me don’t need to experience this. I’m still pretty fresh on my road to self-recovery and learning, but I hope to educate myself further on these issues, and I hope something in this can help you in your journey as well!

could you talk a bit about your experience with masking and dissociation? its smth im struggling with a lot rn and i think it could be helpful to hear someone elses thoughts abt it or if you have any tips

I'll share what I learned, but I'll do so on @goldswords whenever I can properly put to words what I think

[verdanteraser]

When my little sister was diagnosed with ASD, I had questions. We were pretty much the same kind of person, and I knew something

was up with her diagnosis. I asked my mom “Do I have Autism too?” She carefully measured her words and said: “Maybe.”

A few weeks later, I walked into a room, and the Doctor smiled. “Sit down Z,” she said. I sat down. “Welcome in. Today we will try 

to see how your brain works, and how we can help your brain work more efficiently. Can we get started?” I nodded and we got started.

The Picture-Vocabulary test. The Language Competency test.Visual Motor test. Learning test. Alertness test.

Memory test. Auditory Effectiveness test. Complex figure test. Mental Speed test. Tactical Performance test. 

These tests were to help figure out my brain, but the most important to me was the Oral Word Association Test.

“Now Z,” the Doctor said. “There’s no wrong answers here.” Might I add, the idea that I could get something “wrong” was absolutely 

horrifying. But I knew these tests would show what I needed to know, that these tests would help me in the long term.

We’ve all seen a skit of some kind where the patient sits and answers a word like “cat” with a word like “mouse.” We all know about 

how that one word, whether it be “mouse” or whatever, can lead to a deeper understanding of one’s brain.

This guy (Francis Galton, if you’re interested) made this test, and it’s used one hundred and forty-two years later.

Francis Galton put me under a lot of stress in ten minutes. “There’s no wrong answers here!” said the Doctor.

I answered them all. Child to baby. Fur to dog. Water to cup, sick to flu, head to mouth, sing to music. 

And then we were done. 

“It’s going to take some time for me to analyze this data,” the Doctor said. “I will call your parents when I have the results.”

Two days later the Doctor called my parents. I sat in a chair in my own room, and I waited for the Zoom call to connect. 

As the Zoom call connected, my chair itched and the Doctor shuffled papers. I sat there, frozen. What would she say? Am I broken?

Or am I whole? As she said those words: “I believe you have ASD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder,” my heart stopped. The world fell into place.

“This may be a struggle to understand…” she said, trailing off when she saw the look on my face.

It was a smile. 

She continued and started to explain the symptoms and side effects of ASD, my grin grew and grew and grew until she stopped--

And she asked if I was okay.

“Am I okay?” I said. “How could I not be okay?” I said, “You have just explained what I have been through for sixteen years!”

All the confusion about how to make a friend, all the hierarchical misunderstandings, all the messed-up little interactions

that I had had with everyone I’d ever met. 

The world fell into place. Now I could learn how people could interact, I could become part of that interaction!

My diagnosis was my freedom, my freedom to be the person I was meant to be without the watching of neurotypicals overhead.

I can see how neurotypicals exile the others and I can help those exiled neurodivergents create their own comfortable-ness with 

Each other and then I can help them rejoin neurotypical society. I can bridge the gap between neurotypicals and 

us neurodivergents. I can be the person I was meant to be.

[zwiebelbaguette]

Okay, folks, so ... The Orville spoilers for 3x7 coming up. But let me talk to you about why The Orville is at least slightly better at letting disabled and neurodivergent people exist in their world than ... well, Star Trek (sorry, Trek, I love you, but you SUCK at actually making your WORLD accessible to people like me, not to mention that a lot of the fandom is deeply ableist) - and what still hurts a little.

So, we’re currently in Disability Pride Month and this fact and the current episode in combination are enough to talk about representation and world building in The Orville. 

Let me start with the latter. The world building. Because even though we see stairs and steps on the ship, which sucks, if there’d be no way around, we also get to see people being allowed to hydrate on the bridge, take a break and there’s even talk about ‘my shift ends’ and weekend. Like ... we still don’t see part-time jobs, but other than Trek they actually have at least some foundation of a healthy work life that is not based on skipping shore leave and working over time as often as possible. And yes, of course, on Trek we also see people have some time off. But there never seem to be actual boundaries of ‘No, I’m off duty and I will not come to work NOW’.

And yes, of course, this is such a low level of accessibility. But in all SciFi shows I know, this is still the highest level of accessibility in world building to exist so far.

Okay, and then ... representation.

Yep, that ... kinda sucks, right? I mean, they have a lot of very different characters with very different needs, some of them actually at least relatable to disabled people. But we don’t see actual disabled characters yet.

And still ... The Orville has managed something this week that Star Trek is still getting wrong and has been getting wrong for its entire run so far: Let neurodivergent coded characters stay neurodivergent! 

Because in Trek we had Spock - who was mocked for being Vulcan (basically neurodivergent, just with alien disguise) and who later only found peace in loosening up and becoming a little more neurotypical.

Then came Data, who always longed to become ‘human’ - which, again, here was meant as neurotypical, because a lot of the characteristics that were presented as not human were what we neurodivergent HUMANS can relate to, how WE live and experience the world.

Next was Odo, who tried to become more human to be able to win over Kira - even though she wasn’t even human herself. Just neurotypical.

Tuvok - mocked again, though he at least was allowed to remain who he was. But the ridicule never stopped. And Seven? Seven was even forced into lessons of how to behave properly. Even to the point where she was told she would only be granted freedom once she stopped being who she was. And she was forced, again and again, into situations that felt unnatural to her. That shit is real for us neurodivergent people. There are ‘therapies’ out there torturing us into behaving like neurotypicals! 

Next is T’Pol, who again was defragmentised, got a drug addiction on top and then came the freaking ‘cured by love’ trope, where she became more open and more likeable - and less mocked - when she fell in love with a human.

Michael Burnham coming up now. And I admit, that was what broke me most. We finally had a HUMAN being, who was portrayed in a way that I could find myself in the character. There was a human who was allowed to be neurodivergent in a way I am. But oh no, we learn, that that was only forced upon her and within a few episodes (and of course, again, partially cured by love), she becomes ....well, traumatised, yes, but neurotypically coded. So, Trek has gone through A LOT to show people like me, that we’re not enough. That we’re not considered human and that if we want to live in the society in Trek, we have to either be neurotypical or be ridiculed. We’re not worthy of love, otherwise, and perhaps not even worthy being considered mature, free individuals with the freedom of choice.  In comes The Orville with Isaac. Isaac cannot ‘feel’ emotions. (Though, in a way, while he cannot feel, he can, algorithmically, form bonds. Who’s to say what is considered emotion, really!) Isaac is curious about human behaviour and wants to learn, but not BECOME human, other than Data. And Isaac is corrected if he is rude, yes. And he is the victim of pranks. But only when he expressed an interest in humour, he is not being mocked for who he is.

And this week? This week he was given the opportunity if he wanted to get emotions. (Again, I don’t really understand how they differentiate human emotions from his algorithms, but alright.)

Claire, his girlfriend, first blackmails him into getting emotions. And yes, I’m MASSIVERLY mad at her. She also forces him to change his exterior to look human when they’re eating dinner. This is some unhealthy, shitty behaviour and NOT what a good relationship looks like!)  But, and here, massive kudos to The Orville, when there’s a malfunction with the emotion and Isaac has the choice to either live on without emotions or loose his memories, but gain emotions, and he says, he’d do it for Claire ... 

... She accepts, who he is and doesn’t force him into such a sacrifice. She makes the choice that he, how he really is, is what she wants. That he being himself is enough.  And as much as I still think, the way she treats this relationship is really wrong and somewhat toxic, the Orville got right what Trek has messed up for SO long. Giving me the feeling of ... belonging. Of me also being enough. And yes, I might be crying here. Because, again, this is just a basic, low level thing about representation and belonging, but ... this is actually the best representation we ever got in a SciFi show! Because never have neurodivergent or disabled people ever BEEN ENOUGH, without walking the extra mile, without changing for the neurotypical, abled people around them.

So, thank you, The Orville, for once again taking something that Trek never didn’t quite get right ... and making it right.  May this, as well as ‘The Tale of Two Topas’, be the foundation on which other shows will expand representation and inclusive world building. May we finally, with the help of SciFi, make the first, tentative steps into a better future. 

[edea-the-undead]

Part 3 Autistic Characters: Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

from A Series of Unfortunate Events

Violet Baudelaire

Klaus Baudelaire

Okay most of the time I put my reasoning in the tags but these two and this show I have a lot to say. I think this one is really interesting because watching the show, as a viewer, you see the kids as the only “normal” ones while everyone else seems illogical and weird. Everyone else, really with the exception of the Quagmire children, views the Baudelaire Kids as odd and themselves as the normal ones. They state and reinforce the point that the kids just don’t get certain things, typically because of their age, and that the adults and others in the show know better.

I think this perfectly captures the experience of being neurodivergent, specifically autistic, in a neurotypical world. You feel like the only sane one and can tend to feel like everyone else is blind to your troubles or actively contributing to them. It feels very much like you against the world, with very few people who try to bridge the gap.

Even then, when people try to understand there is still that disconnect, such as with the Baudelaire Kids and Monty. While Monty had good intentions and genuinely wanted to help them, he still didn’t see everything and was tricked even when the kids were not, and refused to believe them when they tried to communicate the trickery to him

Though, with most of their guardians or adult figures in there life, they do not even make an effort to try to understand or listen to the Baudelaire’s. The way that Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny are forced to move through the world is a great representation of how it is moving through our world as an autistic individual.

Now, we see some general autistic traits of Violet and Klaus (I do not feel like we see enough of Sunny to add her to this list, but would not be surprised if she was). Both of them have special interests and things that they excel and know pretty much everything about; Klaus with books and research and Violet with her inventions. 

However, I think part of the reason there are not a lot of stand out things we can point to to say that “Look at this; they’re autistic because of this” is because as the viewer we see things from their perspective (well technically Lemony’s perspective but I also feel like he could fall under the neurodivergent branch due to his perspective and understanding of events). We see everyone else as weird and odd, something autistic people are typically seen as, because the actions of Violet and Klaus make sense from their/our perspective. 

It flips the script and shows how frustrating and utterly devastating having people who do not understand you can be. I think this show is a great way to show people who do not fall under the neurodivergent umbrella what it is like to be neurodivergent in a society and world, built and structured around neurotypicality. 

[ravenadottir]

Hey! First of I love your blog, your headcanons and writing are always just spot so I wanted to ask you some questions about the li’s. 1. I know you answered something similar before, but who do you think would be able to make a long term relationship with a sex repulsed asexual work? 2. How do you think the li’s would feel about being in a relationship with an autistic person? Would they find it harder than dating a neurotypical person? And if so, why? Or why not? 3. And lastly: Do you have any headcanons on any character’s possible neurodivergence? Anyways thanks for reading, hope my english is ok :)

~~

hello anon!

thank you so much for the love, i appreciate it. and i'm really glad you brought those questions here, because they're so awesome.

i'll make it as concise as i can, which it's usually not a lot, but i'll try. i must say, the only experience i have with neurodivergent is being in the spectrum, and since it's a very recent discovery, i'll try to make it as simple as i can, so i don't offend any of my fellow neurodivergent players. as we know, if you met one autistic person, you met one autistic person. we're all different in our learning and processes so...

and please, if you have more experience with this subject, or have any answers or headcanons, share with us! i would love to understand this better since it's all new to me and i could be missing a mark or two here, so feel free to add!

1. I know you answered something similar before, but who do you think would be able to make a long term relationship with a sex repulsed asexual work?

i don't remember what i answered, and for the purposes of being such a recent question, i won't consult on what i said, but i believe there's a slight chance of henrik being that person. there's something about him that screams "intimacy doesn't have to be sexual" and i adore him for that. while some of them, like gary, see sex as the most intimate you can get, i feel henrik stands on the opposite side of that bridge. a good connection doesn't have to be physical, and i reckon even though he might miss sex, he still has a lot of love to give that doesn't come in that form, pardon my pun.

2. How do you think the li’s would feel about being in a relationship with an autistic person? Would they find it harder than dating a neurotypical person? And if so, why? Or why not?

º people that would work with someone who's neurodivergent:

carl, kassam, noah. i explain why on item 3.

gary, lucas, marisol and henrik. all pretty blunt, doesn't dig much drama, definitely understand that being direct avoids misunderstandings so they do it all the time. they dig someone who can be direct and sincere and i think a relationship would work out really well. yes, there would be difficult moments, possibly the type of thing that happens when one is diagnosed, but i think the adapting is a smooth sail with these li's.

but i must add someone neurodivergent like chelsea (who canonically has adhd) might tick lucas, gary and marisol off. they might not have as much patience as henrik would, who also probably thinks it's endearing how much she rambles, but it goes a little above the others' heads.

º people that might not work with someone autistic:

bobby, ibrahim, priya, lottie, hannah. really sensitive about a lot, and some of the things an autistic person does (me included) is being really blunt. me, for instance, i don't understand why having a conversation if that conversation won't add anything to my general knowledge (i know, i'm super fun at parties). they might not comprehend that this is how she sees it, or she thinks it's right, because her brain works in a different way and it's difficult to not mistake that as insensitive. granted, they can be patient but that doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt them sometimes. that's just one aspect of someone who's neurodivergent and i think it would be enough to cause some serious trouble in the relationship.

3. And lastly: Do you have any headcanons on any character’s possible neurodivergence?

i'm in no shape to diagnose characters but from experience i can say some of them really strike me as being in the spectrum, like:

kassam. one time, an anon brought out the possibility of ptsd for him, because of how he acts, and right after, a different one said it could be neurodivergent and i completely agree. he's not buttering anyone up, or trying to fit in. he doesn't like much chaos that he doesn't have control over, doesn't really talk much and definitely avoids the loudest person in casa amor at all costs. it seems he keeps it to himself and there's a huge chance he does it not out of shyness but because he could be in the spectrum.

noah. he can't stand loud noises, heated discussions, doesn't understand why someone would be upset at him for being honest, seems to not understand when something is "in between the lines", especially in arguments.

having to make a decision to make people feel better but putting himself in an uncomfortable position when doing so is also confusing to him. he says having a direct conversation about what the problem is, instead of dancing around politeness, is so much better. i'm paraphrasing of course, but he calls hope "childish" for not coming out and saying what the real problem is, and no one was this blunt about their partners except for him. i think he would thrive in a relationship with someone neurodivergent, who could simply communicate things to him directly and make him understand what they mean without beating around the bush, because the other way clearly doesn't work for him.

carl. have you seen him?!?!!? he doesn't understand much of dating norms, like why was hope so weirded out about the fact that he called her by her name and felt awkward about calling them 'babe'. he prefers to keep things clean and clear for everyone. he's a different guy from all the others, and maybe that's why i love him so much, but it's clear he sees the world in equations and formulas and i think it's familiar, 'cause same. he gets bored fast and learns even faster. his emotional intelligence is relatively low since his skills with understanding the world from a different point of view is so high. he would thrive in this relationship and i think they would advance so much together. it could bring out issues like "working too much" but if it works for them. there's no right or wrong, only "it works" or "it doesn't work".

this got long but thank you so much for sending these!

[autisminfiction]

Thoughts on My Little Pony: A New Generation

The show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is special to me for it’s portrayal of autistic coded characters, and I’d argue it was a pivotal phenomenon in autistic culture. It has since completed it’s run, and the pilot for it’s successor just aired yesterday in the form of the movie My Little Pony: A New Generation. Let’s make it clear from that from get go it’s apparent that this show is not going to be as significant to the autistic community as the previous show was as all it’s characters have less autistic traits than those in the original show. We’ve had our time in the limelight, so it’s fine that now the focus is placed on a different, but I’m still going to miss what we had.

It makes sense that this show is different from the previous one in this regard, as thematically this show focuses on cross-group relational problems rather than in-group ones like the previous show, which is more of a concern for neurotypicals than it is for autistic people since they have a much stronger in-group bias. We can see this change in theme from the first scene, where we see Sunny Starscout, the new lead who kinda feels like a neurotypical version of Twilight Sparkle, interprets Twilight Sparkle as being sent to make friends more as a diplomatic mission between pony races that a personal assignment to develop her social skills. Sunny longs to befriend other pony races (unicorns and pegasi, since shes’s an earth pony) and is only ostracized because such beliefs are considered to be heterodox in her community, contrasting with Twilight who never say the point in pursuing friendship with anyone. While intelligent, well-educated, and a little bit geeky, she lacks Twilight’s intensity while maintaining a social intuition that Twilight lacks, and so on.

There is one character though appears to be neurodivergent, if not autistic coded. That is Izzy Moonbow, the unicorn who Sunny befriends. What intrigues me about Izzy Moonbow is that despite being the comic relief she may actually be the most complex character in the movie, with her deeper character appearing almost as an inversion of her superficial presentation. For example, she appears oblivious to her surroundings, but proves to often be the first to come up with a practical solution from their environment, while bubbly she was socially isolated, and while her descriptions of other pony’s “luminescence” (aura) suggests a New Age archetype, she actually contrasts with other unicorns in the show in that she is NOT superstitious. In particular, she also initially appeared to be the opposite of autistic, but it was later shown that she finds it difficult to relate to her peers because she processes the world around her in a different way then they do.

Izzy Moonbow does not appear to be autistic coded as she has been shown to be quite responsive to the emotions of other ponies. There was at least one gag where she directly reacted to another pony’s facial expression, and she appears to describe other’s emotional states and personalities using can colorful metaphors. However, she also demonstrates limited understanding of what is appropriate behavior in various social contexts, so maybe autism is more plausible than it initially appears. One wonders if maybe her descriptions of luminescence is not a metaphor, but her attempting to describe how she experiences the emotions of others, which she is unable to describe in the way neurotypicals do because she doesn’t experience them in the same way.

Let’s get to the essence of her character. Officially her gimmick is that she likes crafts. However, her crafts are shown to be of remarkable mechanical complexity. She is not just an artist, but a tinker, and the only reason that aspect is masked is because her presentation is more feminine than the stereotype of this archetype. The tinker archetype is closely associated fictional depictions of autism, often under the guise of being more interested in machines than people. That description certainly doesn’t apply to Izzy, but it also isn’t an accurate description of autism, and in many depictions of the autistic tinker they are shown as emphasizing with machines as a result of being rejected by their organic peers despite longing to be accepted by them. Izzy is a bit a different, instead desiring to show her contraptions to friends she never had, but there is still a common thread of social desire persisting after rejection.

There is another link between the tinker archetype and autism that also applies to Izzy. The tinker is highly intelligent, but they find it difficult to express this intelligence through words, and instead demonstrate it through their ability to work with their hands. This certainly applies to some autistic people, though others are the opposite. As for Izzy, her comments tend to confuse others, but she has shown to be very competent at solving problems when she can go straight to using her hooves and horn, such as when she created a bridge from a tree while the rest of the group was complaining about being unable to cross a chasm. I think this is most of all what gets to the essence of Izzy’s character. She does not see the world like others do, but it cannot be denied that her perspective if just as valid because she proves it is through what she does.

Many people have compared Izzy Moonglow to Pinkie Pie, both being social comic characters who are very obviously neurodivergent, but I find Izzy Moonglow to be a much more realistic depiction of someoen who is neurogivergent, while Pinkie Pie is more just a comic character without depth. Both would be difficult to label with any real-world disorder, but while the reason for Pinkie Pie is because there simply is nothing beneath the surface connecting her diverse behaviors, with Izzy it’s because she’s meant to be a individual with personal depth rather than checking of a list of traits. I also wonder if some of the difficulty in identifying what is going on comes from the path that she has a very feminine presentation, but her way of processing things has traditionally been associated with males, and thus sexism in the psychiatric community would lead to them failing to identify her underlying thought processes. That’s certainly the case for many autistic women, and it could very well extend to someone like Izzy.

That’s all my thoughts about how autism and neurodiversity relate to this incarnation of My Little Pony for now. There is going to be a full series following the movie, so I’m looking forward to watching it, and particularly seeing more of Izzy. Depending on how she’s portrayed in episodes I may even decide to give her an actual profile. As for now though, I just think it’s really interesting how both Izzy Moonglow and Twilight Sparkle are purple unicorns who can ambiguously be interpreted as being autistic, but have completely different personalities. Izzy is breaking new ground, as while Twilight Sparkle’s personality was pretty common for fictional depictions of autistic males prior to her being a female instance of it, Izzy’s is one that hasn’t been depicted much at all, and I wonder if any autistic girls relate to her in a way they haven’t related to characters before. So even while the show has a whole is less neurodiversity focused then the previous one, it still has something in it for us, and that can be enough.

[sobdasha]

A cry for...

I wanted to do some meta about the scene in Ancillary Sword with Raughd’s personal attendant, the Samirend house staff, and spirit possession. Specifically coming from the autism angle again...I feel like this scene is a very good illustration of something I have talked a lot about in regards to Fruits Basket (although probably not actually on this blog, I think it’s only in that one huge meta about Yuki and Machi that I kept losing in computer issues after working on it for like a year….), but Breq is also another good example of this throughout the series.

Which is, the incredibly humanizing aspect of looking at a neurodivergent person’s actions and assuming that there is a logical reason behind those actions.

This doesn’t require fully understanding the reason behind the actions. This doesn’t require the reason actually being logical for you personally. Just the assumption that the person must be doing what they’re doing for a legitimate reason and not because they are, for example, willfully obstinate and like causing problems. Assuming that the person—and their reactions—are valid.

In Fruits Basket, Yuki (who I don’t think is autistic, but who I think has shown autistic traits at various times due to his childhood trauma, which enables him to empathize with those traits in others) looks at Machi (who I am positive is autistic) with that assumption—he spends plenty of time not understanding why Machi does the things she does (including destroying school property), but he always works from a standpoint that Machi must have a valid reason for her actions. She is reacting to internal and external forces, not just deciding she wants to break shit.

The Ancillary books are the same with Breq, I think, and one of the reasons why they feel so autism-friendly to me. Breq is ArtificiaI Intelligence, Artificially-Created Person, non-human person, automatically not neurotypical. We see from Breq’s perspective her trouble understanding why people are doing what they do, and her attempts to react to what she guesses their reasons must be, because she doesn’t understand all the social cues. But we also see Breq give people the benefit of the doubt. I...am pretty confident…? that Breq never actually flat-out assumes someone is evil just to be evil. Whether or not Breq gives them a pass for their actions, Breq seems to understand that these actions have legitimate sources—Anaander is in a 3000-year long mid-life crisis, Raughd has an abusive parent, Foysf continues to engage in patterns of behavior that have always given her positive results.

(Well, maybe except for that first tavern in Nilt. But I think that’s not so much an exception as it is an argument that I should be interpreting that Breq’s big thing she can’t admit—like Seivarden can’t admit she has mental health issues—is her loneliness. And therefore her expressing desire to kill that person is a sign of just how badly Breq is being affected by Stress and Emotions and Being Unable To Process And Cope With Those Things at finding, not quite dead, someone who would recognize her as Justice of Toren and even though it’s Seivarden of all people Breq still wants that. Enough for a sledge, a hypothermia kit, and a dive off a scenic bridge.)

Anyway. The spirit possession scene.

The kitchen staff believe in the factuality of the spirit. It exists, what’s happening is very real, a curse will be very real and very bad.

Sirix believes that the spirit is not real. It does not exist, what’s happening is a charade, and as Sirix has a lot of internalized colonialism and Radchaai don’t practice spirit possession, this belief and this behavior is uncivilized and proof that Samirend and their culture are inferior.

Breq, on the third hand, does not believe in the factuality of the spirit, but she does believe in the validity of the situation.

We have, in English, two phrases which can be used to describe the same scenario, two phrases which are both sides of the same coin. They are “cry for help” and “cry for attention.” The difference is that “a cry for help” has an implication of validity, whereas “a cry for attention” has an implication of invalidity. A cry for help is worth considering, at least. A cry for attention calls for immediate dismissal with extreme prejudice.

I can’t really say anything educated about spirit possession because it’s simply not in my cultural background so all I’ll end up doing is putting my foot in my mouth. But looking at it through a mental health lens:

Raughd is not a nice person, and it’s likely stressful being her personal attendant. And her personal attendant is under extra strain at the moment: she presumably went with Raughd to the elevator where Raughd was repeatedly denied; they arrived back at the house in the middle of the night; before breakfast Raughd sends her to demand a meeting with Fosyf as soon as Fosyf awakes (which, we are given context, even the servants who dislike the personal attendant for being snobby wouldn’t wish this on her); she’s presumably present throughout the entire disastrous, abusive meeting with Fosyf, and then presumably with Raughd in her room in the aftermath (after Raughd dared not talk back to Fosyf, and so likely has to take out her feelings now) until nearly lunch.

Just before lunch, the personal attendant comes down to the kitchen. She is silent, shaking, and unfocused. She keeps shaking and opening and closing her mouth, but not talking, and looking like she might be sick. After a while she begins moaning. The kitchen staff frantically give her cakes made for the family and recite something like prayers or blessings until the shaking and moaning stop. She excuses herself from work due to exhaustion, which is not questioned, and people treat her with more kindness and care the next day.

This, to me, reads very similarly a…Something. Like a panic attack, or a meltdown, or whatever else sort of acute incidents people might have. I only know the two terms from personal experience, so. It’s precipitated by stress, it has physical symptoms, after it passes you it leaves you drained and exhausted. Because the Samirend servants believe that this is a serious situation that needs fixing and treat it as valid, the personal attendant is able to rest, recover, and even be treated with consideration the next day.

Breq also assumes that this is a cry for help. Even though Breq doesn’t believe in actual spirits possessing people and is unfamiliar with the specific treatments here, Breq’s analysis is that the personal attendant’s behavior seems to be a reaction (something that is happening to her) rather than an action (something she is purposefully doing). That the situation is considered valid by the kitchen staff. That although Breq doesn’t believe in the spirit, she believes that the attendant isn’t doing this premeditated, deliberately, and without need. She notes that the personal attendant—who isn’t ever able to get much respite from constantly dealing with Raughd—is able to take the rest of the day to recover, and that she is treated more gently the next day as well.

And then...there’s Sirix. She’s disgusted. This is not the way civilized, adult people should behave. She says this is the kind of stunt someone pulls when they feel ignored or put upon (implication: they are invalid for feeling that way). People rush to give them sweets and say nice things to them (implication, as Breq notes this generalization is different from the specifics she observes: the person hasn’t earned and doesn’t deserve special treatment). People will do anything to stop it (implication: this is excellent leverage), and one petulant person can hold an entire household hostage for days (not even implication: this is only ever unfairly wielded by someone who doesn’t need it, who is just being a baby and a brat, and does this to throw a tantrum until they get their way).

What’s one of the differences between a tantrum and a meltdown? A meltdown (autistic or non-autistic) is the result of being overwhelmed, by stress and stimuli and over-tiredness and what have you, beyond your ability to cope, and those results are beyond your ability to control. The word “tantrum” can be used to describe any meltdown that you, personally, feel is invalid and that the person should stop having, right now, and maybe be punished for.

I feel like from various things I have consumed on the internet re: women (specifically white, probably-middle-class-privileged women) trying to get their autism and/or ADHD diagnosed as adults, that there is a definite trend of assuming any mental health issues a woman experiences are Anxiety And Depression, and also a trend of not taking that seriously. Probably because we don’t take women seriously, and Anxiety And Depression are things that teenage girls have, and teenage girls definitely are not to be taken seriously ever.

In my teenage years, it seemed like cutting suddenly became a really big thing for whatever reasons. But because it was teenage girls (specifically white, middle-class-privileged teenage girls) we all internalized the attitude that while maybe, in some cases, this might be a legitimate cry for help...mostly, this was just a cry for attention.

But the thing is, a cry for help is also a cry for attention. They are the same thing. Except that the person crying for help by self-harming deserves attention, while all these other people self-harming definitely don’t deserve or need attention and should be harshly judged and dismissed and made light of. They don’t really need anyone to take them seriously, or consider why they might be in pain, or what is causing them to self-harm, or to be treated with more kindness and compassion than they are currently receiving. They’re just being trendy, crying for attention, and should get over themselves.

But people don’t just do things for no reason. They have depression or other mental health issues. They’re overwhelmed and stressed and stretched beyond their limits. People should be treated as innocent until proven guilty, valid until proven invalid—victims should be believed. But okay, maybe the person is guilty, maybe they’re “holding an entire household hostage” because they are an abuser but you know what, even then they still really do need help, they need help being removed from a situation in which they are abusing people! I am not wrong!

Adjacently, but I sort of lost all structure here at the end and am not sure where to fit this in, I wish that my nail-biting would be seen as a sign of self-harm rather than me being a Bad Person who Refuses To Stop Biting My Nails and Maybe I Should Try Harder. Do you...do you think I want to be doing this? Do you think I want to be looking at my disappearing nail beds wondering what happens when I get all the way through them? Do you think that the raw skin and the fuuuuuuuck why did I stress-ravage all over my nails last night when I have to soak my raw and irritated skin in dishwater this morning and the bleeding and the infections is fun times and not an adequate deterrent? Do you think I like biting my nails more than I like being able to open things, or peel things, or scratch things, or not be seen as weird? Why are all the times I have tried and failed to stop proof that my heart wasn’t in it rather than proof that I am facing a legitimate problem that is beyond my ability to tackle? Why isn’t this a cry for help?

Anyway, *screams about my validity into the void b/c I have zero confidence that I will be believed IRL anywhere it would actually matter*

[androgynousblackbox]

Hello,so my life has been overwhelming so I just want to vent, I am have a mental illness which makes me "act dumb"(all I will tell you) unknowingly which I received from my trauma when I was a little girl,my illness caused me to be ignored, gossiped and not have friends for most of my years in school which of course made me depressed.

But my parents transferred me over to boarding school lately and I met some other girls who are trying to "change" me and who tell me that my illness is all in my head,though we had a few good times as friends sometimes I kind of think to myself whether they actually are my friends cuz they scream and throw things at me anytime my illness acts up, they can sometimes be biased like they tell me I'm rude and I apologize cuz I may be rude without realizing it but they always talk rudely to me

And they can also be insultive at times like saying I can never expect to find a guy that actually likes me if I go on like this(cuz all the guys at my school are disgusted with the idea that I might have a crush on any of them because of how I behave) and on cases where they might misjudge me they don't really allow me to explain my side of the story properly despite the fact I told them already about my speech issues

I even had to go to an adult/teacher and tell her what I'm going through but lately she's been finding excuses to keep me from seeing her and told me the reason she doesn't allow me to see her is because she thinks my mental state is all in my head and I'm not trying hard enough to "change" myself

I really wish I wasn't a sexual abuse victim at the age of 5 so I won't going through this cuz I'm just a 15 yr old and I'm supposed to be joyful, happy and enjoying my childhood not cutting myself and being depressed, even my parents are kinda disappointed in me because of my illness. I know the long story I just told you might not surprise you cuz it's just the basic life of a neurodivergent youth living in an African country/ a country that doesn't really recognize mental health and illness

I really think that they might be good friends cuz we play together sometimes but I don't think they realize how much they're damaging me especially my mental health cuz I've been harming myself lately but the thing is despite the fact I've told them about my suicidal state they still do what they do to me (though at times I'm not sure they realize what they're doing) I might also not be able to judge the situation because of my illness,so what do you think I should do about my friends?

First of all, I am so sorry you went through that. You are clearly going through a very hard time and nobody deserves any kind of friends that treats them like that. But it's very easy to say "dump them" without realizing that how hard that must be for you. So yeah, absolutely dump those asses because no fucking friend ever should treat you like that, but since you do have access to the internet, I absolutely encourage you to find groups of people who have your same mental illness or same struggles. Even if they are entirely virtual, form bridges with other people who understand what you are going through and to whom you don't have to pretend to be neurotypical just to fit in. Use whatever platform it's more comfortable for you, but find those people and make your own support system. You can enjoy being young and having fun without those people who would rather you change and conform. You just need to find them. Also, as a side note, that teacher is a fucking dick and she can fuck off. "Your mental state is all on your head", as opposed to where? On your fucking shoe? That kind of shit is really irritating to hear and, again, I am so sorry it came from an adult you actually trust in because you didn't deserved that kind of response at all. Please, seek other people who will understand you. Search for hotlines on your country for when you go through a crisis and confide on people who do deserve you.

[mint-and-parsley]

talk to me about ur trashlord husband

oo buddy you opened up an Infodump of Deeply Personal Information!!

First of all, let me tell you about me and my family.  I’m a lot like my grandmother, who grew up in poverty in a coal mining camp.  We’re both a little... eccentric.  My father is very strong-minded in his beliefs and tries to protect me, even when I don’t need to be protected.  My mom is kind of a flake and she’s been in and out of my life.  I love her, but “parenting” isn’t one of her skills.  I have a weird hermit uncle who constantly fucks up my plans.  So anyway, when I was about ten, I moved in with my grandparents, because my parents were fighting (as always) and I was starting to act Weird.

I can sympathize with being dumped on another family member.

I’m mentally ill.  This is not a secret.  If you know me, you know I have depression, anxiety, horrible intrusive thoughts, and ADHD.  I’m also autistic, because fuck me, apparently.

My parents don’t believe in any of this.  My grandma sees too much of herself in me, but she doesn’t wanna admit that she might be Not Neurotypical.  So I’m this weird, overly-emotional person who doesn’t know how to socialize.  I’m the oddball of my family.  They think I’m not trying hard enough, or that I’m weak, or that my whole generation is weak.

I see a lot of myself in Kylo Ren.

Sure, I’m not violent.  But I have violent intrusive thoughts.  I want to scream and break things.  There are times where if you put me on that bridge with my dad and he tried to wrestle a lightsaber out of my hands, I’m not sure if either of us would walk off the bridge in the end.  I constantly feel like things beyond my control are fucking me over.  I wish I could just put on a mask and block everyone out.

So, tl;dr; I project onto Kylo Ren like nobody’s business.

Kylo is a character that I strongly headcanon as being neurodivergent, and because of where my experience comes from, it’s easy to make the jump to Force-sensitive sensory processing issues.  Explosive anger that comes from anger at himself, at circumstances, at things he continually fails at.

A helmet to block out the constant roar of ten thousand minds.  Look people in the eye when they talk.  Try not to scream when the white noise of the ship’s engine seeps into your bones at night.

Heavy boots.  Tight layers.  Commanders don’t pace, don’t rock, don’t wring their hands.  Wear your tattered cape like a scarf, but don’t let anyone see you rub the frayed edges between your fingers when you’re afraid.

Just focus on the humming of your kyber crystal.  It’s broken like you are, almost split down the middle.  A bad omen.  Unstable.  Constantly hurting.

You built this lightsaber yourself, with shaking hands, knowing you had to make it work.  You had to have this crystal, the one that resonates with you so deeply that it may as well have been carved from your heart.  Had to make it work.

So it looks like a piece of junk, but it works.  Mostly.  You know how to handle it.  It needs these vents on the sides or it’ll explode.

No one ever thinks of giving you the same accommodations.

Never good enough, never good enough.  I’m not trying hard enough, not pushing myself, everyone else reached this milestone years ago, I’m fucking defective.

And there’s the meltdown.

Again.

I really doubt that the writers will give him this depth.

After all, he’s an edgelord who wants to be Vader.

Not someone who might actually have other factors in why they fell.

[dandymeowth]

Various screencaps of REGs telling people they can’t identify as queer and/or that queer is not an identity or isn’t real, all taken from this post. This is provided as part of evidence that, yes, acephobes/discoursers are absolutely saying we can’t be or use queer. Also, hey, check out how many of them are transmisogynistis, radfems, biphobes, transphobes, etc! and use a lot of anti-progressive/anti-sj language (like “identity politics”). It’s almost as if their rhetoric is related...

I have removed the REG usernames in the following captions to avoid their interacting with this post, and to slightly no-platform them. Anyway, they read:

bigballofwibblywobbly: Well you created an argument about something that wasn’t being talked about. I was talking about individuals who don’t identify as anything but queer.

Not saying we should apply it to the whole group. But you’re a terf so it all makes sense.

[REG/radfem 1]: queer isn’t an orientation??? its a reclaimed slur like god i love being a part of the lesbian gay bisexual transgender reclaimed slur for homosexual community. you’re an ace inclusionist ofc you want to reclaim slurs never used against you and think queer is a separate orientation. the lgbt community will never be the queer community or the ‘everyone that doesn’t completely conform to heterosexuality’ community lol

[REG 2]:  Yeah queer isn’t really a coherent identity in and of itself. I see “sapphic” being used in much the same way now. Like I understand that figuring out who you are is difficult and people may want to use words that are sort of? Vague and noncommittal? But queer quite honestly does not mean anything in the sense that as it’s own identity it says nothing really about who you are attracted to or your gender identity. It’s [post cut off at this point]

[REG 3]: That and its fucking vague as fuck? What does it even mean? So many non-LGBT people claimed that they’re LGBT bc they’re “queer”, when they’re just cishet polyamorous people or cishet kinksters or cishet aces or cishet aros or cis aroaces like…. that slur isn’t for u. And people who are LGBT but identify as q*eer are still LGBT? Why do u need a slur in the acronym if you’re either L G B or T? What’s the point? What does it add?

[REG 3]: Then you’d go under the bi umbrella Identity politics are so ridiculous jfc u don’t experience some new form of oppression and therefore need a community based around it just because you are mga but don’t like the label bisexual for urself.

[REG/radfem 4]:  “Queer” could mean that you are a guy who uses nail polish or that you have a turtle pet.What’s the point of this word?What does it represent?What’s your axis of oppression?What experiences do you share in common?What’s the fucking point of identifying as “queer” other than to pretend that you’re special and oppressed?

feminismandmedia: I love how you say that people who are attracted to multiple genders are pretending to be special and oppressed.

Fuck off you twit.

[REG/radfem 4]: Sexual attraction is about sex not gender.There are only 2 sexes so you’re either heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.It’s not that deep, trying to give a special name to your sexuality doesn’t make you opressed and it’s actually disrespectful to actually opressed people.

[REG/radfem 5]: You shouldn’t be identifying as q*eer freely without consequence because it’s a slur.

[REG/radfem 4]: Why are you oppressed?What’s the base of your oppression?How is society systematically aimed against you?If you’re actually oppressed why do you use such an ambigous and nebulous terminology with no concrete meaning to describe your community?Since it makes it harder to acknowledge you as an oppressed group? “Fam. I like all genders. I like dick and vagina too. I’m queer too” You’re bi, congrats, you may be affected by homophobia(oppression) if you date a same sex partner.“Oppression” is a strong and assertive word, you can’t just throw it around.

bigballofwibblywobbly: My god I hate TERFs. Fall off a bridge. Thanks.

Seriously? Do we now have a quota of oppression to fill? You want every dirty detail? You disgust me.

Also I’m not bisexual thanks.

[REG/radfem 4]: “Do we now have a quota of oppression to fill” Yes it is called being oppressed.I said that the person who said they liked dicks and vaginas is bisexual, not you. You hate us cause we’re right and you know it, I would hate us if I were you too. Just bc someone called you she instead of zir in the supermarked once doesn’t mean you’re oppressed Bethy, get your shit together.

bigballofwibblywobbly: I love how they erase my queerness to fit their argument.

[REG/radfem 4]: What am I erasing? Lmao, what’s “queerness”?You still haven’t answered what it means, bc it means nothing, it is a word made for straight kids feel special, a homobhobic slur actually.

bigballofwibblywobbly: My pal. I already said. I like all genders.

[REG/radfem 4]: …so you’re bisexual therefore only oppressed if you date a same sex partner like I said.

bigballofwibblywobbly: Wow. That’s some nice biphobia you have too. Bisexual people don’t become straight if they are in a relationship with the other gender.I’m not bisexual anyways.

(Also on that last one, calling being nonbinary a white thing? lol)

bigballofwibblywobbly: Well guess I don’t belong in the community. Congrats your gatekeeping has cut out people who like multiple genders. Top notch. Really.

[REG 6]: Aren’t there other words for liking multiple genders other than a slur?

[REG 7]: Um OP polysexual falls under the acronym without using a slur and is an umbrella term for multi-gender attraction….

Bonus under cut.

The following cap is a separate post made by a REG that is capped for no-platforming purposes and to prevent their interaction. It was shoved into the ace positivity tags because discoursers seriously just straight up hate ace people and don’t want them to exist. 

The post is about how “real” LGBT+ people hate the word queer and don’t identify with it except as a comeback, implying anyone who identifies with or uses it regularly is actually not LGBT+ and instead one of “the mogais”. It compares people reclaiming queer to white people using the n-slur and neurotypicals using the r-slur.

The post uses the phrase “cishets in denial” and I honestly think that truly encapsulates exactly how discoursers are seeing being LGBT+. 

It fits right along with that “if you are attracted to the opposite sex you’re not lgbt” post. 

It fits with the idea that more people are identifying as LGBT+ because it’s “trendy” and are actually fakes and liars, an idea spread and supported by cishets, truscum, anti-sj, radfems, etc. This comes as no surprise as MOGAI was coined by a nonbinary person, and that has been the driving force behind the hatred for it.

It also fits with how “sga” is pulled from conversion therapy because that’s literally how the people behind and supportive of the concept of conversion therapy look at being LGBT+: that it’s a phase, you’re just jumping on the bandwagon, you’re in denial, this isn’t the “real” you, etc. 

The post reads:

[REG 8]: Lol, seriously? There is no better way to show that MOGAI is made up of mostly cishets in denial than how heatedly they fight to use the word “qu**r”. If they paid fucking attention, they’d know that actual members of LGBT don’t really want to be called that, that most LGBT folks only use it to fight the balance of power that qu**r causes and that they aren’t going to cast away the history of the slur just because it’s supposedly a trendy umbrella term.

It’s the same way white people whine about their “right” to use “n*gga” when black people say no, or NT people claim “freedom of speech” when calling anyone and everyone “r*tard*d” despite decent human beings explaining why that’s fucked up.It’s so damn annoying…

danni-rants: And this is in ace positivity why again

queerautism: You heard it here first folks. Everyone who fought to reclaim Queer as an act of rebellion and empowerment… was actually cishet all along. Same for neurodivergent people who can’t be more specific than ‘queer’ about their identity. And everyone who keeps trying to turn it into a positive term and build a community around it. Also my nonbinary pan ace ass apparently lol

Simply Amazing.

[enchi-elm]

living gleefully with ADD - 1 - friends are forever

There’s so much self-doubt and negativity in the ADD tag and “be the change you want to see in the world” so here, I’m going to post things that my experience of living with ADD has given me.

Friends are forever! Except the ones that, like, needed to go

So you’ve been weird your whole life. You say things that are ill-timed or would be funnier with your other friends in your other friend circle, or you don’t say anything cause you missed the beginning of the sentence...

Or you don’t go out much because, well, you’re tired a lot and being social just really takes it out of you, or because you hosted a sleepover once and your guests called it boring, in front of you, and you never got over it, or because clubs are too fucking loud, and seriously, how is anyone carrying a conversation in a room of twenty people and you really don’t care that much about the people here because, honestly, none of them seem to really care about you?? And if that idiot at the other table doesn’t stop tapping his foot you’re going to forcibly remove it --

I get it, I think most of us struggle with friendships in an extra special way because of our condition (I am so not even going into the realm of romantic relationships, baby steps).

But this is what I learned after a lot of painful mishaps and bridge burnings and ...fade outs and three hour discussions with people who get you: friendships are dynamic and fluid, much like you, and the ones that last, should. And the ones that don’t, don’t need to.

No one friend should be your entire world. We have multifaceted personalities, sometimes a little more extreme in polarity than our neurotypical friends. We can sometimes feel like different people, so exploring different parts of our personality with different people is natural.

I like my friends because their humour is like mine, because they appreciate my approach to life, because they understand that life and the universe is fluid and flexible, that change is constant and that a bad day is not the end and a good day is not the solution.

This makes them (and me) compassionate to social causes, open to new perspectives, fiercely loyal to people they love, and happy to experience new things. I love that they’re creative and think outside the box. I love that they’re untraditional but appreciate traditional things, that I can build on concepts and projects with them, and that if I feel like an oddball, they come in all shapes and sizes to remind me that everyone is an oddball in some way.

Compare that to the people I let fall away: narrow minded, overly critical, inflexible in their thinking, unappreciative of my preferences, demanding of all my unspent or remaining (haha as if) resources, unwilling to adapt or learn and willing to let me lie unconscious on a floor at a party for 10 minutes because “she’s fine she just does that sometimes”.

My ADD lets me connect with vibrant people who eschew traditional ways of thinking. And I don’t just mean working professionals. I mean high school and university drop outs, spiritual people with no income, homeless people, other neurodivergent people, genderfluid people, elderly people, chronically ill or physically disabled people, basically everyone who doesn’t feel targeted by your typical TV ad.

I would never, ever give that up. It was worth being an outcast to find the people I jive with. Because after years of feeling weird, the first time someone could keep up in a conversation with me felt like all the sunniest feelings in the world had been poured over me at once.