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#she’s constantly sneak attacking and smacking his face
alexi-01 · 13 days
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yuki woke up today and decided that she’s going to spend all day annoying my poor elderly dog 😔
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simphornies · 7 months
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can you make a vox x pregnant! fem! reader?? i just feel like he’d be over the moon for a baby, and i think the baby would almost look like an adroid? like not a whole tv screen, but a digital face almost like “^-^”
A/N: This is so cute! I enjoyed writing this a lot <3
Word count: 748
Spoiled [ Vox x F!Reader ]
“Vox, honey. I’m fine!” You laughed, walking away faster just for Vox to teleport in front of you.
“Y/N! Let me carry you both to our fucking room god damn it-Please?” He begged.
“I gave birth almost a month ago, my legs are going to be okay, Vox. I promise.”
Vox had been paranoid during your whole pregnancy, serving you like a princess and keeping every single demon away. You would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy the extra love and attention. As soon as you gave birth, Vox nearly crashed the entire city down but held it together the moment he heard the cries.
He looked at you, smiling sweetly with the baby in your arms. Everything inside of him softened as soon as he saw it. The baby had his eyes, his claws and everything else was yours. Seeing you hold his baby in your arms so delicately and carefully with such love in your eyes made him fall in love with you all over again. He promised you the entire world.
He didn’t let you walk anywhere, insisting that you need to be carried wherever you need to go. It doesn't matter how far or how close, he will swoop you and his baby up and take you. You didn’t want to get accustomed to being spoiled rotten and you certainly didn’t want your baby to grow up entitled so you would sneak away sometimes, which would give Vox the craziest heart attacks as he frantically searched everywhere for you. As soon as he would find you, you would be scooped up without a second thought and brought to your destination. Anything you needed, anything you asked for, anything you wanted, craved or even said you liked? You would have it that instant.
The same went for his baby, his spawn. He was nervous about being a father, nervous that he’d somehow mess it up. But all of his worries melted away into nothing the moment he held his child. He knew he would fight for this baby. Any time he heard a cry, he’d be there in a snap, panicking about what’s wrong. You helped him soothe his worries by helping him learn how to take care of a baby. He learned how to differentiate cries. He constantly had a list of everything the baby needed on one of his many screens.
Velvette surprisingly adored your guys’ child. She enjoyed dressing them up in the cutest outfits and showing them off whenever she got the chance. Valentino was a different demon around the baby. He didn’t know how to react to the crying as well as everyone else did, basically just holding them away at arms length with panic on his face. He tried bringing them to one of his shoots when he was babysitting to which he got three hard smacks upside the head from you, Vox and Velvette.
Your child was spoiled all around.
Vox constantly cuddled up to you and your guys’ baby. He spoke so softly, caressing her with gentle hands. The baby turned out to be an android like you but definitely took some of Vox’s traits. One night, the two of you were having cuddle time before you had to put your baby to bed. Vox had his finger trapped under his baby’s hands and to his surprise, he felt a little jolt. A little shock. You both blinked at each other. Vox’s grin grew wide when he realized the baby got his electric powers. He was over the moon, gently swinging the baby around and peppering kisses all over their face.
“Y/N! My powers transferred over! Oh this baby is going to be the strongest little overlord Hell has ever seen!” He said, voice full of pride and joy. You smiled and hugged him arm.
“The strongest.” You gave Vox a kiss, “And we made that. Thanks to you mostly.” You winked at him.
“Oh hush. You knew what you were doing that night. With your hot, sexy, li-”
You smacked him lightly before he could continue. “Not in front of the baby! Quit that!”
He laughed, “Sorry sorry!” He gave you a kiss on your nose, “I think it’s time to sleep for this little one.”
“I’ll go put them to sleep.” You take the baby out of Vox’s hands but not before Vox could give them another kiss. “And then you and I have some catching up to do.” You winked.
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ohheyaghost · 3 months
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OC STORY DUMP TIME!! :D
lots of text under the cut so ooh beware
general info to keep in mind: everyone in this group except for Cody & Aviru is 13-14. The story takes place the summer between 8th grade and 9th grade for them all.
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The main guy, Robbie. On his way home after the last day of school ended, Robbie took a shortcut through the woods to his house. A random deer shows up, bites his hand and then leaves. Robbie ignores it until he brings his brother(he gets mentioned later) through the woods and the same deer shows up, turns into some weird eldritch horror and attacks his brother. Robbie tries to help but accidentally finishes off his brother, killing him. Robbie tells his friends about this and they all are like “well that’s weird.” They go to the woods to investigate and that’s where all the weird stuff happens. They form a plan to get rid of this monster thing so it doesn’t hurt anyone else. I’m not gonna say much else because I’ll probably post more about these dudes :D
random cool fact: often has nightmares and cannot sleep as a result. (This was a problem before everything happens.) he’s also a trans guy :D
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May is Robbie’s best friend. She was the first person Robbie told about anything. They’ve been best friends since 6th grade. She’s super smart and does most of the research about what the thing in the woods is. She’s also got some insane paranoia after the first arc ends because of all the stuff that happened when it ended. not to mention she has zero idea what she’s going to do after Highschool. She feels like she needs to figure everything out now so everything is okay later. (Can you tell im projecting?)
random fun fact: both her parents are engineers which puts more pressure on her.
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Juliet is the groups caretaker and #1 “what the hell is going on” person. She blindly trusts most of her friends wich leads to a lot of issues both now and what happened when she was younger. Shes been friends with May the longest out of anyone in the group. Random fun fact: she was born without the lower half of her right leg and uses a prosthetic.
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Teagan recently moved into the town and barely knows anyone except for Juliet. They’re aggressive and is constantly one upped by her sister. (She’s not in this post because she doesn’t really show up in the story.) Teagan only agreed to anything with the group because “the cute girl who I live Nextdoor to is doing it and I want her to like me.” (Juliet is the cute girl Nextdoor.)
Random fun fact: she played baseball in their old town and got kicked off the team for smacking a kid in the face with a bat. (On purpose.)
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Cody is Robbie’s younger brother (9 years old). In the first arc the only thing he does is die. That’s literally it he just dies. In the second arc he appears again as a weird living corpse that’s actually [HUGE SPOILER WOAHH!!] random fun fact: knows the entire plot of dog man (yes the graphic novel by dav pickley) from beginning to end.
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VILLAIN TIME!! Aviru is a shapeshifting monster that but Robbie because it was “in need of someone to carry on the legacy.” Aviru is a master when it comes to making Robbie freak out. It often messes with Robbie’s head and if Robbie is freaking out hard enough, it can sneak on in and take over Robbie’s mind. random fun fact: when I first created the characters and idea of this story (back in 2022 when it was a gacha club miniseries I made for myself with one episode yeah yeah point and laugh I was a gacha kid) aviru did not have a name and was just a goofy creature.
and that’s them!! There’s other side characters who aren’t as important to the plot but they’ll show up some other time. That’s the group though and I felt the strong urge to infodump and introduce them so here we are!!
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pspspsp can I just request an immortal reader who's life is just dull/sad as hell since they've seen their loved ones leave or die in front of them so many times
but when they meet SBI or anyone, their life just suddenly brightens up? (Platonic and it can be any type of fic!)
(A/N): I got waaaayy too carried away with this. Star god reader my beloved (also, I’d imagine that your cloak looks like this guy’s but on the inside with the outsides being any color of your choice (credit goes to original artist))
If you want more god!reader content with the dream smp, @wooloo-inc has a really good series about a male!nature god!reader (aka, the god of dilf collection)
In the beginning when DreamXD created you (which if you think about it, that makes him your father, but I digress) from stardust and meteorite shards, you were a ball of fun loving sunshine (well, starshine?)
You loved watching over all of humankind, admiring their determination and bonds with other humans (both romantic and platonic)
Your older brother, the god of the moon, told you about how they viewed you and you were amazed
“Oberon?” You ran up to your older brother and tugged on his cloak making him hum in question, not looking up from his parchment scroll. “What- what do the humans think of me?”
He scoffed and glanced at you with his lily white irises, “why are you on about them again? They are lowly creatures compared to us, filled with greed and misfortune.”
“They worship us and that’s how you speak of them?”
“(Y/n) believe me, you have not seen the brutality they are capable of. War, famine, greed, plague, genocide, it’s all something you have not witnessed before. You have only seen the good in those things.” 
“But Oberon, I wanna-” he lightly smacked the side of your head, “use proper English. We are gods and you will behave as such.”
You huffed, “I want to know about how they view us! I do not care about the bad things they have done! Plleeeaaassseeeeeee Beri?” You willed the stars that constantly gleamed in your eyes to shine brighter as you fluttered your eyelashes at him. He may seem like he hated everyone and everything (especially his siblings), but he had a soft spot for his youngest sibling. He just stared at you for a bit before he sighed and shifted in the massive throne so that you could hop up onto his lap. With a wave of a slender pale hand, he conjured up various images of humans with stardust gazing at the stars and the moon with carefree swipes of his hand. 
“They view us as… poetic of sorts. They compare us to romance,” an image of two human males kissing then gazing into the stars laying down on a cliff came into view, “fortune tellers,” an image of the Aquarius and the Capricorn constellations popped up making you squeal in happiness. He chucked and changed the picture to a mother and son standing over a grave looking up in amazement at a shooting star, “and most importantly, as a sign of hope. 
“They see us as complementary, the moon and the stars cannot be as beautiful without the other. We hold the power of the night and everything it touches, (y/n). This is our kingdom, do not forget that,” the image changed to the moon surrounded by stars and swirling blues and purples of nebulas.
You looked at the images with awe, absorbing every word that fell from his mouth. “Beri?” He once again hummed, his deep baritone voice sending vibrations along your back. “Will we be together forever?”
His lanky arms wrapped around your much smaller frame, “for all of eternity. The moon is nothing without the night sky and all of the stars it holds.”
Centuries passed and your fascination with humans only grew from there
When you eventually asked if you could meet a human Oberon reacted angrily and forbade you from speaking of humans again in your shared palace, worried for your safety
When he caught you attempting to sneak out, he locked you in your room for months on end
Humans wondered why the stars hardly appeared in the night sky anymore, forming the theory that they had somehow angered you
They prayed to you more and more, begging and groveling for forgiveness
They left more offerings at shrines
You heard their every word, feeling your heartbreak with sorrow and guilt for your lovely humans
You snuck out of the palace that night determined to make it up to the humans
You quietly snuck past the main room where you and Oberon used to sit on your thrones together and control the night. The large doors were cracked open showing your older brother watching the night with boredom. As you passed, his voice startled you, “I just cannot stop you can I?”
He appeared in the doorframe looking at you emotionlessly, his eyes glinting with hidden pain. “Do you realize how cruel of a place that world is? How cruel humans are?”
“I do not care, brother! They are in anguish because they think I am angry with them! Because you locked me in here!”
“I have told you time and time again, they are ruthless creatures. Humans are constantly clashing with their own kind for the slightest bit of power, they’re greedy creatures! Have you forgotten what happened to Arachnia?”
A shiver went down your spine at the mention of your fellow deity. She wanted to be with humans but they stripped her of her grace and virtuosity, torturing her when the moon would rise. That is the reason spiders attack humans in the night when the moon and stars show themselves and are dormant in the daytime. However, that did not deter you. 
“I have not forgotten what happened to Arachnia, her tale fills me with grief. But not all humans are like that! They are compassionate, loving, and sweet creatures deep down, each and every single one of them!”
“They were not showing compassion or love when they tore Arachnia limb from limb! When they languish in riches while millions die around them! What part of that is compassionate?”
“Sure they do bad things sometimes, but have you forgotten the love they hold for each other? The determination and hope shining from within them when they pray to us? Have you forgotten that?”
“THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT JUSTIFIED IN ANY WAY!”
“AND OURS ARE? YOU ARE BLIND, OBERON. HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE CRUELTY THE GODS HAVE SUBJECTED HUMANS TO? WHEN OUR FATHER TOOK YEARS AWAY FROM THEIR LIFESPANS SOLELY BECAUSE THEY STOPPED WORSHIPPING HIM AS OFTEN AS THEY USED TO? WHAT PART OF THAT IS JUSTIFIED?” 
He just stared at you with angry irises and his chest heaving before he ran a hand through his long ivory hair and turned around, the flowing white cape flowing wildly behind him with unseen air. He walked back into the observation room and back to his throne. Without a second glance to you, he worked on the transition of power between the sun and moon. You could imagine your sister Aelia grinning brightly as she rose the sun for the day.
“You are to never return here if you step foot out that door. You will still have control of your duties of the night. However you will never return. Do not come back groveling for forgiveness when I have given you constant warnings of their cruelty. If I see your face show up here, I will make sure father smites you down. Now get out of my sight.”
You huffed and whipped around to the front entrance, the stars that constantly twinkled and the nebulas that constantly swirled in the inside of your cloak illuminating the white floors below you as you ran. You left the palace without a second thought, leaving your old life behind in favor of spending it with the humans.
When you came crashing to the Earth in a shooting star, you were amazed by the beauty of it up close and in person
It was everything you expected and then some
You heard the humans cheering and thanking you in their prayers when the stars returned brighter than usual
You being completely enamoured by all of the humans, even if they recognized you or not you loved them all unconditionally
You set up a little cottage in the tundra where you could see the night sky clearly with the occasional aurora borealis 
From the roof, you controlled the stars
The tales of you defecting from the heavens was a popular one, and you became somewhat of a symbol of the hope that humanity should hold for themselves and compassion
Occasionally sending shooting stars over humans you knew were stargazing
You have met many lovers, friends, and even your own adopted kids over the next millenia, all of them accepting your immortality and everlasting duties
But it’s all the same in the end: they come, they leave, and they die
With each death of your loved ones, you could feel your will to keep going dissipate
The stars grew dimmer gradually in the night sky
The humans gradually stopped worshipping you as you disappeared from the night skies
You became a distant memory for elders to tell children 
Disappearing from the face of the Earth for a few centuries when you could not take the constant deaths any longer
Nobody knew where your cabin laid so you were undisturbed for centuries on end, left to your grief
That was until a knock sounded at your door
The knock startled you out of the comfort of your bed. Reluctantly, you left the warmth of the multitude of blankets and donned your cloak to hide your unkempt appearance. When you passed the mirror hanging in the hallway, you could see that your face was shrouded by darkness with the exception of a single glint where your eyes were caused by the lone star that was a constant reminder of your position. Before you fell into a deep depression, the stars would illuminate your entire face if you put your hood up. 
You opened the front door without a care in the world. If the beings on the other side were humans that would take you away and torture you, you didn’t care. You’re long past the point of caring for your own well being.
On the other side was a man of average height and long shaggy blond hair pulled into a slick ponytail. He was dressed entirely in green with a green and white striped bucket hat placed on his head. Past you would’ve been cooing at the object, but now you dully looked at the man in front of you. You glanced behind him and your eyes widened at the huge black wings sprouting from his back. You know who he was the second your eye caught the black feathers; he was the Angel of Death.
“Hello, Angel of Death.”
He tried to peer into your shrouded features, only seeing two pinpricks of light where your eyes should be. He gave you a friendly smile, brushing off the snow that gathered on his shoulders. “(Y/n), the God of the Stars and the Night Sky. Giver of compassion to the human race, it’s an honor to meet you.”
“Why are you here? Last time I checked, my last lover died centuries ago.”
“Yes, my condolences. They were lovely when I guided their soul to the afterlife.”
“You still have not answered my question, Angel of Death. Why are you here?” You grit out the last sentence through a clenched jaw. He has no right to talk about them when he assisted in taking them away from you. Him and your cousin, the Goddess of Death Kristin. They took everybody you loved away from you. You knew that their deaths were unavoidable since they were human and you were immortal, but you still couldn’t help but resent them.
“The Goddess of Death sent me. The God of the Moon and the Goddess of the Sun sent her a request to send me to check on you.”
You stared at him for a few moments before you saw him shivering slightly and sighed. You always had a soft spot for humans, even if the being in front of you was not a human in the slightest. He reminded you of an old friend. You stepped aside and gestured lazily inside the house, “come in.”
He started to visit more and more over the next century
He eventually befriended you about half a century into the visits
It was extremely difficult to do because of how guarded you were, but he managed to break you out of your shell
You realizing how kind he was and how much he cared for you
You quickly came to the realization that he was immortal as well after reading up on the Angel of Death
After another fifty years, he became your best friend
You both opened up and comforted each other about everybody you both lost over the years
When he adopted Technoblade and then Wilbur not long after Techno, you were extremely hesitant to get close to them
Even going as far as telling Philza that you thought that it was an extremely bad idea
Mortals always end up leaving in the end anyways, it’s best to avoid the endless cycle of hurt that came with having mortals around
You told him about your own adopted children that have died over the years
You refuse to meet them, cutting off all communication with Philza for a year or two
Eventually meeting his three adopted kids when you reluctantly accept a dinner invitation one day
You attempted to appear cold and uncaring, but your love for humans (especially baby humans) shone through when an infant Tommy started to play with your cape
It seemed that the stars and the moving nebulas within the fabric entranced him
From then on whenever you visited Philza, you always held Tommy until he was too old for you to do so
Becoming very attached to the blond with your strong innate parental instincts
You introduce Techno to mythology, sharing stories of your personal interactions with certain gods and entities throughout the years
You teach Techno how to cope with the voices as you constantly hear multiple prayers to you from humans at the same time
You arrange a meeting for Wilbur with the Goddess of Music when he asks you about her
Arranging for her to start giving him lessons in exchange of a favor that will be cashed at a later date
You help raise all three of them, often taking them off Philza’s hands for a night or two 
Their favorite activity with you is watching you raise the stars and turn the sky dark
They always loved to watch you move the stars and summon shooting stars for them
The stars gradually returned to your eyes and a constant ecstatic smile slowly became synonymous with your face again
Humans started to worship you again when the stars in the sky became brighter
You became your old self again after centuries of feeling lost 
To repay them for everything they’ve done for you, you decided to rearrange the stars for one night 
One night of having a different star pattern couldn’t hurt 
Sure, it’d make a few theories pop up among the humans, but those are fun to overhear sometimes
The young boys and Philza behind you watched in awe as your eyes started to glow brightly and you slowly moved your hands gracefully raising the stars with the moon, your cloak starting to flow with nonexistent winds. They’ve seen you raise the stars thousands of times, but it never ceases to amaze them. It was just so… entrancing. 
You broke into a slight sweat and started to move the stars from their original positions in the sky. Shaking slightly, you pushed back against the strain and slight pain that it brought you. You’ve never done this before, so you really didn’t know what you were expecting. You felt someone put a hand on your shoulder.
“What’re you doin, mate?”
“Uh Dad?”
“Not now Techno. Mate, are you alright?”
“Dad, look up. They’re rearranging the stars,” Wilbur breathed out.
You could hear Philza gasp slightly as he watched star after star move until they locked into place. There in the twinkling night sky was each of their names gleaming brightly in small lettering. When you were done, you fell into a kneel onto the ground and rubbed at your aching head panting lightly. 
You could hear the boys around you panic slightly as you regained your breath. As you heard them approach you you looked up at them and smiled, the stars gleaming brightly in your irises. “Do you like it?”
“Y-yes but gods, (y/n) are you alright?”
“I am fine, but stars, I have never done that before. Are you four ready for stargazing?”
“That was so pog, (y/n)! How’d you do that?”
“I hold the power of the stars and the night sky in my hands. My brother once told me that the night is our kingdom.” You laid down onto the grass and took off your cloak to cover up a shivering Tommy and Wilbur next to you. You sighed as you thought about your siblings; you wondered how they were doing. 
“I will gladly move the stars themselves for you four. You are my family.” There was a stretched out moment of comfortable silence as you five watched shooting stars blaze by. Eventually, you saw an aurora borealis materialize above you. Furrowing your brow, you looked at it in question. They don’t appear this time of year, so why-
“Aelia,” you breathed out as you watched the greens flow above you. She must’ve sent a gust of solar wind your way. 
“Isn’t Aelia the Goddess of the Sun?” Wilbur asked you.
“Yes, she is my oldest sister. She must have redirected the solar winds over here.” 
“Damn, what’s with the gods changing everything tonight? You guys need to fuckin chill.”
“Tommy!” Philza scolded and was about to continue before he heard you start to laugh. They’ve only heard you genuinely laugh only a couple of times, so the sound that left your mouth immediately brightened the mood. 
“Yes Tommy, I suppose we do need to ‘fucking chill’.”
“You swore! Fuckin pog,” Tommy cheered to himself as the others looked at you in slight shock at your words. If you’re being completely honest in all of the years you spent alive (which is since basically the beginning of time), you’ve never sworn once. You were raised differently than that. When you realized that the others were staring at you, you smirked at them. The stars twinkling and giving your eyes even more of a mischievous glint, “what? Have you never heard a god swear before?”
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worminstuff · 4 years
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mcyts as teachers
in my brain. lol. thisisjustmyopiniondontattakpls
dream smp edition!!!
i got way to carried away HOLY
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mr.Wastaken - math
he’s that one math teacher dude whos friends with all his students
funky👏tys👏 and👏 button ups👏
somehow teaches everything so everyone understands
the students won’t bully eachother if he bully’s them first.
everyone does their work and then when everyone is done and just chillin, he’ll tell a story or just talk to them
Mr.Blade - english
he’s that english teacher that if you ask the right question they’ll go on a tangent and you’ll get to not do work for like 30 minutes minimum.
Mr.Blade seems mean but is super sweet to his students. (especially the quiet ones)
never makes them do presentations
Mr.Jacobs - history
is 100% best friends with his students.
so many handshakes
Mr.Karl is literally the best dressed teacher there is and is so nice to all his students. he is easy going on grading but is a tad hard on late work.
totally doesn’t sneak off to kiss coach sapnap sometimes
Mr. Quack - spanish
HOLA NIÑOS
gets so hyped with his students.
kahoot kahoot kahoot sm kahoot
Mr.Quacks class is the one everyone hopes they get and constantly looks forward to. thinks like baking spanish food, watching spanish soap operas, and many more fun ways Mr.Quack has thought of to show them different aspects of spanish culture
Mrs. Nihachu - art
the classroom the kids with anxiety sit in during lunch
gives her students hugs whenever they need them
has art her students have made for her all over her classroom walls and desk
drawer full of candy
Coach Sapnap & Coach Punz - PE
LETS GOOOOOOOO
so scary. they are so so scary.
also the sweetest somehow.
the duo is always constantly trying to create new games to keep students active and they work hard to make sure everyone is happy and being included if they want to, or have an alternative if they don’t.
they play in team games like kickball and get HELLA competitive, it makes for a whole lot of fun inside jokes between them and their students.
the smack talk- holy-
Mr.Fundy - furry science- jk. biology
the👏most👏fun👏science👏teacher
every time they have labs he wears a funky lab coat and goggles
his students make fun of him and he loves it
is a tough grader but makes the class easy and makes it a comfy place so kids won’t be scared to ask questions when they need
electives:
Mr.Notfound - engineering
he’s the type of teacher to put up a video on days he’s tired
actually really enjoys bantering with students, and is super lenient with how much they can talk during classes
a lot of his work is hands on so there’s many bits and bobbles around his room and it’s always a mess
“you’ll need the stuff for the soddering machines but i’m not actually sure where they are...”
the students are well aware that class is WAY more fun when Mr.Notfound is in a good mood.
Mr.Wastaken drops by when he has free periods cause he loves to annoy visit Mr.Notfound
Teacher Eret - sociology
his room is the safe space where you go if you need a good hug or a good cry
kids also eat lunch here
memes on da walls and things hanging from the ceiling
talks with his hands and laughs with the students when they mock him and do it when he does
“TEACHER ERET! you will not believe what sarah did!!” “tell me right now!”
Mr.Dude - comp. science
is always asking students how they feel like they’re doing
brings lunches for students he notices not having any
“snack break anyone?” opened drawer full of goldfish
stands in the hallways during passing time so he can watch out for his kiddos and make sure no ones being mean to anyone
high-fives all the time constantly
Mr.Soot - drama
literally so dramatic all the time for no reason
relentless hamilton references
he’s the type of drama teacher to adore his students and have them adore him back. he loves hearing all the unique ideas and loves to watch kids grow into their shell as they take his class
his favorite thing is watching quiet kids learn they love acting and become more confident
students share their own scrips and plays they write and he absolutely melts every time
Mr.Shlatt - political science
the teacher that everyone tries to get mad cause it’s funny
starts arguments between students because he loves to watch kids grow into their opinions and learn to debate with others
teaches them how to win arguments and it blows up in his face cause they start using his tactics against him
Mr. Halo - self defense
no 🚫 swearing 🚫 zone
gives the biggest hugs to kids that seem sad
he teaches in mostly talking ways where he explains everything but he also loves demonstration lessons
he always has kids talking to him about other teachers that may annoy them or have given them a bad grade because Mr.Halo always has their back
Mr.Skeppy - money management
he’s that one teacher that isn’t really close with his students but every once in a while he’ll get a group of kids that he enjoys and it makes the class a lot more fun
pizza party after tests if everyone passes
actually holds meme contests for literally no reason
Mr.H - hospitality
has whiteboard desks in his class cause he is THAT cool
is always asking kids what the drama is atm cause he wants to be in the know
has holiday party’s in class for EVERY holiday. if you have him as a teacher you’ll be celebrating every holiday for however long you have him. he just lives for a good party.
also has a snack drawer
Mr.Frost - horticulture
shelves and shelves of plants. gives his fav students ones to take home
literally the sweetest teacher, every student understands you can not be rude to Mr.Frost it’s just criminal to do so
another huggy teacher. he just loves his kiddos with his whole heart
the least amount of work for a class out of all of them
he’s definitely that teacher thay takes his class outside every chance they get, and the students l o v e it
staff:
Mr.Minecraft -headmaster/principal
he’s the reason the school has like 0 REAL trouble makers.
everyone’s scared of him, but only because they don’t want to disappoint him.
he creates the best rallies and makes school events fantastic
100% dances at school dances sometimes
Mrs.Puffy - councilor
everyone adores her. even other teachers.
she councils Mr.Wastaken when he needs dating advice. *cough cough* Mr.Notfound *cough cough*
literally 3 drawers full of snacks.
is the founder of their schools GCA and it’s the best thing
let’s kids skip class in her office when they have a panic attack or are to anxious to go
had to have a chat with Coach Sapnap because of how many kids were coming from his PE class having panic attacks (he felt really bad, he’s just intense sometimes)
loves to sit in on Mr.Quackitys classes
Teacher callahan - substitute
he subs in sometimes and when students find out Teacher callahan is subbing that day they freak the fuck out
so much kahoot
how can one man start such party’s without speaking a word
terrorizes Mr Wastakens classes when he can and LOVES to pop in on the PE classes especially when they’re doing something wicked fun and he feels like beating sapnap at something
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ranger-rai · 3 years
Text
Alright guys, A lot has happened in the last couple of days so let me catch you all up.
So we have been getting some reports of a "Swarm" of pokemon causing some problems around Sinnoh.
We looked into it and after a couple nights of steakouts, we discovered that our "Swarm" was actually a Purrloin who knew Double Team.
Apparently it had been stealing from alot of small homes, mainly trash.
This Purrloin was incredibly aggressive and seemingly protective of something.
We tracked it down to to a small den just outside of Solaceon Town.
Well we were expecting it to be taking care of its kittens, however we did not expect what we actually found.
-------
We found this Purrloin trying to feed the scraps it stole to a Lycanroc.
The Purrloin was very protective and tried attacking us.
It was surprisingly tough for a single Purrloin, however we managed to restrain it.
However we found it weird that this Dusk Lycanroc wasn't moving or reacting much.
I went and checked it out when it was clear and we found something really unsettling.
This Lycanroc has some spine problems, I know this because it struggled to get up but when it did, it got on four legs, then two legs.
Now a Dusk form Lycanroc is made to be on all four like this
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However its back is arced upwards like it's slouching.
It's also shaking a bit, and is covered in scratches and bruises.
Every time I try and get close the Purrloin starts thrashing and clawing.
We let it go and it made its way back to the Lycanroc, and started to guard it again.
We knew this was bad, so we made a plan to try and help them.
-------
We managed to get Purrloin secure once again and Lycanroc into a cage very carefully, but we kept them close together as we transported them.
Lycanroc was surprisingly docile and just seemed tired and dehydrated, so we made sure it got plenty of water.
Purrloin was on edge the whole time, making sure that Lycanroc ate, and keeping us at a distance, but I caught her eating from time to time.
We had to hold her down once again, but she used her double team to evade us for a bit. She really knows how to use that move.
Eventually we restrained her when we got to the Ranger Base and we had a medical technician look at Lycanroc.
They said that it had some severe spine misalignment, not from an injury but from constant strain.
At some point during our conversation, we noticed Lycanroc trying to get up, and "stand up" again on two legs, like a Midnight Form Lycanroc.
It was really odd to see, and the tech helped put it him back onto two legs, but it almost seemed scared to be touched when in that position.
This wasn't battle damage, this was intentional trauma.
Purrloin was definitely upset, and managed to get free and started scratching at the technician.
Thankfully I restrained her so the technician could work more, and I calmed her down a bit.
The tech said that they would need to run some tests on the Lycanroc to see if they could fix his back, so we had to let him stay for a while.
However we couldn't leave Purrloin there in case she tried to attack the tech again.
-------
I didn't want to seperate them, but I needed her to be somewhere safe while the technician did his job, so I got her into a carrier and took her with me on my rounds.
She was hissing and scratching for a while but I sat and talked with her for a bit and she seemed pretty alert but much calmer.
Most of the day was just a usual trip around my areas, however I started finding alot more litter in some areas.
There was alot of trash on the ground in a park area just outside Veilstone City, and normally I would pick it all up, but there was alot, almost like there was a carnival recently there, but there was nothing planned as far as I knew.
I also noticed Purrloin getting really upset and hissing a lot.
I looked around the trash and found a bunch of flyers for some kind of venue.
"Mister E's Enigmas"
The flyer listed a sort of sideshow of oddities.
Things like:
The Fire Breathing Treecko Brothers, Dancing Donphan, and their star attraction-
"The Were-Lycanroc" a pokemon that could switch between forms.
That's when it hit me, and I knew someone was going to get in trouble.
-------
After bringing this information to the technician and my boss Jo. Me and my Ranger Team decided to attend the show incognito to see if we were right, and boy we wish we weren't.
We attended what could only be described as a shifty, pop up carnival.
There were a few games, a couple food trucks, and a large tent that held the "main events".
There were some "exotic" holding cages that people could interact with like a small cage for two Emolga to live in, they could barely get into the air before smacking into the roof.
There was a small area that had a large heat lamp for "desert" pokemon, but it was mostly a browning Cacnea, a Trapinch with barely enough sand to cover its body, and a Salandit which didn't belong there.
There were others but we already knew what those cages would be like as well.
The show kn the main stage was getting ready to start, so we decided to check it out.
"Mister E" took to the stage, he had your typical big top attire, top hat, long tails, but he had a stripey pattern that made him look like a hypnotic wheel.
He introduced his first act, which was "The Fire Breathing Treecko Brothers". I was worried.
Now Treecko is a Grass Type, and it only learns one grass type move naturally: Sunny Day.
They also don't have any natural immunities to fire types, so this didn't make much sense for normal Treecko.
From what I saw in the act, they learned how to eat fire and pretend they were using flamethrower. However you could tell they didn't like it. Treecko are calm and collected pokemon, but those two looked stressed out, and they were molting a bit in certain areas near their face and tails, probably due to the flames and stress.
After them was the "Dancing Donphan". Donphan is a very heavy pokemon, and it's main skill is rolling like a tire.
This Donphan looked much lighter, like it hadn't been fed its regular amount to keep it healthy.
Minnie also mounted out that the music playing during the dance had a weird sound mixed in. Basically, whenever we heard the sound, Donphan would do a move like jumping or rolling over. The sound was similar to a sort of crash, but it was clear that it was a sound that Donphan was afraid of.
Now came the finale, "The Were-Lycanroc" however that part didn't happen, and instead they brought out some clowns and the Treecko Brothers again.
Thats when we knew what was really happening.
-----
I went back to check on Lycanroc who was sleeping like a log with Purrloin right next to it.
I didn't remember any cages with any feline pokemon in them so maybe it was just a wild Purrloin, but I wasn't going to disturb them to find out.
The doctor told me that it might take some time, but Lycanroc's spine and back legs were forced to move in positions they weren't supposed to for so long, that it would take some time, therapy and equipment to help it.
If there was a chance to help this poor pokemon I knew we would take it, but we also couldn't leave all of those other pokemon to suffer.
We were about to get really busy at the Ranger Base.
------
The next day, Me and Minnie went incognito one more time and we had to sit through that horrible show once more.
We had Skip with us, helping to send info and let us know of any devices or intercept their communications.
Turns out we didn't know that was happening because they had police scanners to avoid getting caught and they had wireless security cameras inside the tent.
They were prepared, but so were we.
My whole team was on board, both Humans and Pokemon.
We had a plan that began with Kuriboh knocking out some generators by sneaking around and unplugging everything he could.
That caused some confusion for a bit while we got in place. While they went to secure their "precious cargo", we made our presence known.
Eddie was outside the tent, dealing with the muscle and moving crews, his Bewear is very strong and pretty quick too, so we didn't need to worry about them much.
However we still had Mister E.
I told Bliss to keep an eye on him so we wouldn't loose him in the panic, but we had a delay as some of the Treeco Bros fire got out of control and some of the tent started to catch on fire.
Minnie and her Cloyster were immediately ready to deal with it and she was ready to help the Treeco Bros as well.
Bliss was able to keep tabs on the ringleader who was trying to get into his van and split, most likely with his cash.
However, Sylvester doesn't like people who mistreat pokemon, and Jo's Tangrowth has some really strong vines. Strong enough to rip car doors off hinges.
------
We had caught this terrible man, and we discovered he had been doing this for a couple of years, just now making his way through Sinnoh, and he was looking for some pokemon to add to his show.
We also watched some of his security tapes and we learned that "Were-Lycanroc" was really just a Dusk Form that he forced to stand up and slouch over by constantly whipping with a flexible stick. And with the assistance of red lights, smoke machines and music, hey could make people think it was changing forms.
We also learned that Purrloin was tossed into Lycanroc's cage, possibly as a "play thing" but I guess he actually made a friend either her and hiding her from Mister E, and she had been caring for him as well, stealing food and causing trouble for them whenever she could.
Needless to say, we were able to get them arrested, and we are now in the process of evaluating some of these pokemon, but we may have too many to deal with here.
We might need to reach out for some help.
------
In the case of Lycanroc and Purrloin, they are comfortably resting in holding, and Lycanroc is be getting fitted for some equipment to help its spine and legs heal.
I'll be checking on them soon, but for now me and my team need to rest after this long day.
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sugar-petals · 4 years
Text
Your First Date With Baekhyun
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:: bbh x sm apprentice!reader
words. 10k
warnings ⚠️ idol au hc, pining, brief angst, eventual car sex 👀, tw light injuries bc baek is clumsy in love, oral fixation, finger sucking, rough sex, making out
↳ NOTE. here we go again with the slow burn ✊🔥
It all starts with a divine act of clumsiness. 
An accident, completely out of the blue.
Who is surprised, what else could it be.
Ever since Baekhyun violently bumped into you from behind in the SM cafeteria to avoid Mark spilling red hot Americano on him… life has never been the same. 
That you walked in on him walking around mighty topless, with you wanting to clear the dance practice room many hours after work three times already does not help.
It’s always the same chain of events. He practices for longer than the others and gets sweaty, pulls off his shirt, pauses the music for a five-minute break. That’s unintentionally making it seem like everyone is already gone and the room is empty — you are deceived by it every time, and he almost gets a heart attack himself. We know how easily embarrassed Baekhyun is with showing skin by accident, outside of any shower stalls that is, let alone being caught stripping by himself. 
The first time he screams and you scream, off you run after quickly shutting the door. He tries his best to cover himself up with his hands, but to no avail. Lucas, Kai, and Johnny are no longer the only Magic Mikes under this rowdy fucking roof anymore. Even if you turned around fast, you saw more than a whole lot. 
You know how scared Baekhyun is by surprises, he gets all fidgety. Even after four whole minutes, he still sits with the music off breathing harder than he did from powering through four jointbreaking ligament-snappers I mean EXO choreographies. 
Lot of thoughts on his mind, lot of blood pumping through him. Baekhyun can hear a pretty hefty heartbeat pound in his ears. Eventually, he shakes his head at himself and does switch the music back on. But even that doesn’t distract him, nor can he concentrate on the moves. He keeps on asking himself — what the hell is wrong, what is this, why does he act like that? 
So, he ends up sneaking out of the room to call it a day. You were waiting in the nearby corridor to do the cleaning after he left. But now, you hide behind a shelf with props and miscellanea to avoid him. 
Of course, Baekhyun comes to grab a water bottle from said cupboard. Well, oh shit. He has his shorts on, and his calves are literally 20 inches away from you. He doesn’t see you crouching down there, but your pulse is going through the roof now, too. 
In fact, not even the days when Taeyong is walking around the company in a sexy as hell crop top could cause you such a panic. And that is the highest possible bar already. The average apprentice almost faints.
There’s pungent sweat that can knock you out of your socks… and then there’s sexy sweat scent mixed with men’s deodorant. Baekhyun leaves the latter after rushing out of the corridor. It’s even more intense in the practice room, if not absolutely unbearable. Oh boy. Pheromones, please no.
It’s almost as if you’re taking a bath in cologne. You’re getting nauseous and tingly from how it gets to you. You can hardly focus on scrubbing the mirror. If only the guy knew what horniness he is causing just by infusing the air, what the fucking fuck.
The second time, he jerks up again, but tries to explain himself. But so do you, ending up with a mutual, stuttering word spill in sync. 
Neither of you understood what the other was saying because you were too busy with a knee-jerk dialogue. Anxious all over, you quickly leave and eventually end up hiding behind the cupboard again. The new comeback track blasts even louder in the practice room. 
The third occasion, you no longer flinch at each other and laugh a little, mighty embarrassed still, but apologize with knowing eyes. This time, you enter the room after a small „Can I?“ and at least manage to clear some noodle boxes and unused towels from the backup dancers away, and pin a new schedule to the door. 
Baekhyun quickly pulls over his plain white tee and keeps on mumbling sorry, sorry like he’s Super Junior, practically scraping the ground with his hair because he bows so deep. 
You’ve never seen him this awkward. Instead of his usual one-liners and most effortless conversation starters, he resorts to switching on the music again after frantically looking everywhere but in your direction. He sings his lines right along, getting back into the routine’s intricate steps. 
Strange. 
Very strange.
All day, he is impulsive with lightening up just about any situation. One sentence, hook line and sinker; the mood alleviates. Not this time. He’s ignoring you now that you’re in the room.
The truth is: Baekhyun can’t help but set his pupper eyes on you in all other occasions already, especially when you’re busy at a distance. And it’s making him crazy. Next day at the cafeteria, he deliberately arrives late so he can queue way, way behind you. 
For the first time in all glorious epochs K-Pop history, he would let Sehun enter the line before him so he would have a shield. „Maknaes first“ is his brief comment, and Sehun thinks that Baekhyun must squarely confuse today with his birthday.
And fate says… sike. Two minutes later, a teary Mark rushes toward you and loudly apologizes for the Americano disaster. „Baekhyun was not being impolite, it was me!“
As he says just that, he turns, points right at Baekhyun’s tomato red head peeking out from behind Sehun’s shoulders, and bows to him. 
The whole cafeteria is witness, including Lee Soo Man.
And SHINee, who will have gossip material for five weeks because of this. Key is already taking notes. 
And BoA — who’s giggling because she’s seen it all in the business and knows exactly what’s going on with Baekhyun and you. Oh. Lord.
Baekhyun wants to sink into the ground right then and there. He’s been found out again. Of course he has to step out from his lair now and bow back to Mark, take the blame and explain the whole incident all over, and comfort him with a string of appeasing words. Which he hates for four reasons at the same time. He embarrassed Mark, himself, disturbed you the way he bumped into your back, and now you saw him hiding from… precisely you. Little does he know you did, too. 
Baekhyun quickly retreats to sit next to Sehun once again after Mark has calmed down and he, being the senior as always, has performed another 180° bow to you in front of the entire staff and idol audience, causing his oversized shirt to slip downward, way to his armpits. 
Goodness gracious.
BoA is this close to shouting „get a room“ upon seeing Baekhyun stand in front of you with his stomach all bare until he has hastily tucked his shirt back into this place. Fast as it happens, you can’t hide your reaction face. 
Chanyeol, sitting at a nearby table, does a telling reaction noise himself, and you can tell he’s read the situation to a T. Even worse, he’s whistling. You can fool a lot of people, but not Park „Radar“ Chanyeol. He’s a himbo incarnate, but this guy’s emotional intelligence is too damn strong, and he knows Baekhyun inside out. Oh shit, man.
The next ten minutes are fraught with a weird, sonorous mumbling in the room. Lee Soo Man doesn’t really get it, thank God. But the meaning of Baekhyun silently cowering behind Sehun while eating his kimchi stew is more than obvious to half of the people around. Baekhyun never fucking acts like this, even when he’s sad.
It’s like something is pushing the two of you into humiliating situations like that ever since you started to work at SM since last May. Literally Baekhyun can’t stop apologizing to you all day because he’s suddenly clumsy or the strangest situations happen.
Nope, he doesn’t do it on purpose. But yes, he finds himself enjoying your attention. So what is he going to do? This keeps being stuck on his mind. Especially because half of EXO, NCT, and SuperM is asking him what the hell is going on in three raging group chats at once.
And you? I don’t have to tell you how it feels like when Baekhyun stumbles over to squarely plant his cutesy baby face into your back. Firmly wrapping his hands around your waist on top of that not to fall over entirely. That feeling is locked into your muscle memory. And now, seeing him stripped down for the fourth time already? Goodbye to your sleep.
Special thanks to a jittery Mark for making this first hug I mean collision out of nowhere happen. Just to be sure: Mark really didn’t spill his coffee on purpose, nor did Baekhyun want to bump into you this hard. And we know Mark’s reflexes are usually fast enough to save the day. But he was about to host his first variety show all by himself, so you can imagine how shaky and distracted he was. And nobody will resent him — this is only all about you and Baekhyun… being the most repressed motherfuckers.
Baekhyun constantly almost-crashing into you somewhere or basically crawling on the ground before you makes for a second very shaky guy. What the hell is pulling him towards you wherever he goes? It’s even worse than Minseok moving one inch and accidentally smacking Baekhyun in the face.
It just goes on and on.
Following the second cafeteria embarrassment, the next Friday after lunch, you run into each other at the ground floor elevator exit so you would drop your fries. Yeah, extra crispy ones, with the best mayonnaise. Baekyhun has been feeling so guilty about his curse at this point that he orders extra fries for you at the cafeteria two times a week with his card. Which makes Chanyeol know dear Eros struck particularly hard. Because if he didn’t care, Baekhyun would pay it five times a week like he does for NCT every now and then. But if he does it only two times, something is at stake. He doesn’t want it to be apparent.
Baekhyun can’t even look you in the eye when he puts them on your tray. Instead, he quickly bows three times in a row and then disappears. This guy is a small puddle of blush. 
Lee Soo Man cites him into his room to say what’s wrong soon, but all Baekhyun can blurt out is that he didn’t sleep well and the comeback song won’t get into his head. Which is not a direct lie, so.
Whatever you do, Baekhyun appears out of the blue and falls to your feet. Only two days later, he returns from shooting an MV and slips right in front of your office. Pretty much because his feet stumble over his own pants. You put the paperwork aside and check what the hell is going on outside. A dizzy Baekhyun straight-up hit his head at your door. He declines you helping him up because he knows that your touch is probably gonna make him fully insane. He walks around with a forehead patch during the comeback stage and people online think it’s the latest trend.
Somebody save this man.
The universe just keeps on arranging the silliest things to make shit happen, huh.
At this point, Baekhyun developing a full-blown apprentice crush is as obvious as Lucas being tall.
Now, the reality is. This man is Hitch, the Date Doctor. He notoriously handles crowds, can get along with anyone he’s put together with on camera, helps the other members to juggle their love life whenever they have a problem. Chen is probably a married man because of Baekhyun in one way or another. He isn’t really shy normally in his own words. But when it comes to his own crushes — classic case of everybody’s cupid who gives good advice they would need the most. 
That Baekhyun is helpless with anything that digs beneath the surface of his usual interactions will show to you very soon. There’s tough Baekhyun, there’s cute Baekhyun, and then there’s an utterly speechless little bean who has an internal meltdown when you do as much as take the stairs together. The difference is staggering. He’s fidgety, tense, makes himself even smaller and first and foremost: Is impressionable to an extreme.
In short: Baekhyun has fully converted into a fake maknae.
It’ll show in staff meeting conversations on trivial things about the schedule that he wing-mans everybody but himself when shit hits the fan. He stutters in your presence. Baek’s a mess. Chanyeol takes Baekhyun to the side and raises his brows at him at least five times a day, as in wanting to say: „Are you ever going to do something about it?“
Baekhyun dodges the answer each time and preoccupies himself with social media. Fans will later say that he hasn’t uploaded as many Twitter replies, Youtube videos, and Instagram snapshots in his whole career. And Baekhyun is already quite active online so you can tell how much he’s spamming.
Secretly… hoping you see his online activity. Which you do. 
You’ve memorized his five latest vlogs down to the cute little sound noises he’s making. Still, you hide behind the cupboard, and he is hiding behind an unsuspecting Johnny. Because Sehun is already grumbling about becoming a human shield, and Chanyeol would tease Baekhyun to the hell and back whenever you’re around.
Why does all of that happen? Why is he trying to escape? 
The answer is, Baekhyun feels an overpowering respect towards you. He doesn’t know where it’s coming from, it’s something you exude. To the point where he isn’t able to clown you the way he does with others. It’s literally that bad.
On top of that, Baekhyun is frustrated that whatever extroversion he can switch on during broadcasts, fan meets, and with the other members is suddenly failing him. He tries hard to fall back to his usual humor, but you being around makes him act much more erratic. And, surprisingly reserved, believe it or not.
Eye contact will make him break whatever character he’s trying to tune into for the sake of keeping it together. The exact opposite will happen. All the blushing and boiling hot sweat gives him away. Your own heated af face he doesn’t even notice.
In his mind, he’s going through any possible way of mannerisms to get your attention all while not embarrassing himself. He gives confident SuperM leader Baekhyun a shot, comedian Baekhyun, too, and he will don a pokerfaced version of himself as a last option whenever you are close. 
All unsuccessfully. He can’t keep the façade for long; he knows he’s acting strange and inconsistent that way. Do you even realize what you merely sitting in the same practice room is doing to this guy?  
As you can tell…
It’s up to you to hit on him. Finding an unmistakable balance between being breathtakingly forward and overly subtle. The right way to ask him out is somewhere in between. The way you gauge it, Baekhyun is turned off by all kinds of brazen approaches, but doesn’t want to be nudged with satin gloves and feathers either.
However, you end up playing too lowkey at first try because you’re just as nervous. You think, maybe it’s good to find out how interested in me he will admit he is. Which, given how much he tries to conceal his feelings, turns out to be a difficult idea.
And — Isn’t is crystal clear he likes you a whole lot by the way he tries to retreat from everyone but you? Recently, fleeing to stand behind Lucas. Who has the most hiding surface and won’t question what Baekhyun is doing there all the time, unlike Johnny.
So, how do you learn that your plan is a bad idea? You try to involve yourself in NCT’s Friday night truth-or-dare where Baekhyun always joins to mess with everyone.
But that weekend, he interestingly excuses himself to „practice English, it’s urgent!“. Off he goes as soon as he sees that you are part of the lineup, looking like he’s seen a ghost. 
So, that mission failed. You get Taeyong, Haechan, and Yuta twerking against you at the same time while wearing sailor moon outfits as a dare instead. 
However: You still learned something from this. The way that even Haechan’s wild gyrating and arguably great ass did not have a single effect on you tells you that you really want someone else really damn bad. Hell, if Yuta Nakamoto winds against you and you feel nothing—
And, something else has become apparent to you.
Professional he is, Baekhyun establishes rapport even with people he dislikes or feels neutral about, but when his more vulnerable feelings are in the game, he runs from them. 
Beside Chanyeol and BoA, you’re smart enough to begin seeing what clockwork ticks inside of him. When Baekhyun doesn’t try to get close to someone that’s around him so frequently, something is mighty wrong and his opinion about that someone must be an intense one. And it’s not because he hates that person, the opposite is the case. 
He’s almost less afraid of you than his worries of ruining it. 
But through what, you’re wondering, seriously. 
On the other hand, you get why Baekhyun keeps a viable distance. He knows it’s difficult to be associated with him in the way he wishes you were. Since people were looking at him and you so strange in the cafeteria, he even stopped practicing in the after hours. 
Two weeks later, he even quits buying you fries for lunch and eats in the recording studio instead. Chanyeol remains correct: Much is at stake.
After the truth-or-dare fail, you sit down in sobriety and go through your options. You get all sorts of grand ideas to reveal your feelings, but dismiss the majority of it. You have to start small, really small. This needs the utmost care. Especially because you don’t want to compromise him by accident any further, nor are you anywhere near as ballsy as you believe someone hitting on Byun Baekhyun needs to be. 
Truth be told: BoA would kick your ass for thinking that. And letting so many opportunities pass, as if you aren’t beating yourself up for it enough. Idol mode Baekhyun, well, he would be hard to approach indeed. But what is currently going on… he’s literally showing you his underbelly. He’s begging you to do something.
That he avoids even the lightest touch: More than telling to BoA’s knowing eye. He would be so easy to sway with just one sentence. She knows that at this point, Baekhyun is desperate. His yes would come so fast. You’re far from having faith in this. But you still try. You want this man.
Eventually, you rack your brain for anything understated you could do. 
Then, you get the idea. 
After a schedule briefing, Baekhyun recently said he dearly wishes he could eat fried noodles in the early evening because he’s craving something savory, meanwhile flashing a split-second glance at you. Maybe… You can discreetly bridge the gap by getting him food.
You’re part responsible for doing things like that in the company already so nobody will question you driving around with your little motorbike. 
If you think about it: That’s a good excuse to approach him frequently and visit his apartment. The move is calculated, but it’s what the situation requires. You can’t tell how Baekhyun will react, but if he looked at you this way, it’s worth a shot.
And so, you dare the impossible. You show up with a deliberately small portion of noodles after the last comeback stage, knock twice. He does open. You’re frozen up.
Uttering a hopefully neutral „You said you wanted this. I’ll also bring it tomorrow if you want,“ and then drive off again without even waiting for a reply from a very surprised-looking Baekhyun in PJs. 
Sweating like crazy, thank God your helmet and the upcoming dark of the night was hiding your red cheeks. Shit man, that was robotic as fuck! is what you’re thinking for the entire ride home. Another fail, you sure won’t return tomorrow. Now you can’t look him in the eye, either.
Meanwhile: 
The meal not only saves the day of Baekhyun’s usually very lackluster diet mood that comes out when he is by himself. It also makes him flustered and grateful, curling up on his couch. He couldn’t even remotely try to say no out of politeness or concerns for his food plan. Baekhyun breaks the chopsticks right away after closing the door. Today, his dog’s with him. Mongryong excitedly jumps up and down next to Baekhyun. Your visit was short and sweet, but it made two beans very happy.
In fact, he rips open the box and shoves a quarter of the content into his mouth in the blink of an eye. It’s not just how hungry he is. He’s also overwhelmed that you came to his house. He feels like it’d be the highest level of disrespect to throw it away to begin with, no matter how spartan his eating habits are supposed to be. 
He almost views this little take-out box as a part of you. He imagines how you listened to him talk, decided to drop by, bought it with your own money, and carried it all the way to him. All that extra effort and attention he spins back and forth in his head for the whole next week.
And, on the spot, Baekhyun is so taken aback that he starts deep cleaning his apartment at midnight as soon as he finishes his noodles. 
To your own initial shock, he also drops an envelope with money under your office door the next day. And you thought someone was sending threats.
You get the underlying message, though. This is something just between the two of you, and the envelope is a yes. For another meal. Actually, more than that. There are 30 sorted bills in it, each to buy one box since he knows where you get the food from and what the standard price is. 
Payment for one month in advance. Meetings for one month in advance. This fucker. 
And you thought your sweaty scene at his apartment left him confused or weirded out. Nope, he decided he wants this times thirty. Something you have to let sink in.
The next day you drive along at the same time, there’s nobody there. 
Because Baekhyun has left the door open. Now you can’t just speed away again. Nor do you really want to, for God’s sake. 
After putting your helmet down in the small entrance room, you find an anxiously waiting Baekhyun on the extremely cleaned up living room couch, sitting there with fidgeting feet like it’s a porn casting. 
The tension could kill. You put the box on the table before him like it’s England’s Crown Jewels. You want to calm him down so desperately, but don’t know how.
Given his sparkly eyes set on the food, that he wants to devour what you brought him right away is not hard to overlook. But he still seems hesitant. Insecure. Baekhyun doesn’t manage to say a full word which is the most surreal thing. You work up your voice and pass him the chopsticks in their paper packaging. „Pig out. You didn’t eat since 7AM.“
Again, he breaks the chopsticks. Trying hard not to do it too fast.
You sit opposite to him and revert back to professional mode. Talking about statistics from the comeback that Baekhyun hummingly acknowledges the way he does when you talk to EXO in meetings. 
He stuffs himself like his life depends on it. No stable eye contact from him. 
Both of you know that it’s not what you want to say. But even ten minutes in: Nothing about the cafeteria, the fries, the envelope, the topless incident, the forehead patch, nothing. Just you going on about details from work and him listening, nodding, chewing, making brief little remarks and using all his standard corporate phrases. „Ah, yes, EXO surely benefits from that.“ But it’s a start. You begin small. 
So far, so good. With every evening, the conversation becomes more and more two-sided and the meals bigger. A second envelope soon enters your office, covering the extra costs for the XXL boxes, your fuel, and another month worth of meals. Note: Only one and a half weeks in. 
Fuck, you got yourself into something big. Is it because his dog likes you?
You are starting to like babying him like that, even if you both keep it serious. Unusually so, but at least you don’t get into any more accidents with that suspense off your either shoulders. 
It’s not like that cute little face would leave you any chance in the first place. Baekhyun smiles shyly around you. His big laugh is sweeping, but the small things… lethal. Absolutely lethal.
His manager doesn’t like it, but his genius idol’s mochi factor is increasing since you bring him spicy, richer foods. Baekhyun declines most snacks he’s offered at work, hardly eats up at the cafeteria and gives it to Foodcas Xuxi instead, and even the stylists wished he would gain more weight without any results in their convincing acts. But when you bring him a large portion of extra al dente spaghetti or — as of recently — self-made black bean noodles, Baekhyun would consider it rude not to follow the call of the carbs. 
Interesting.
He eats even more aggressively when he knows you made the food yourself. 
Quickly enough, he pays either for take-out or ingredients meant for not one, but two people. You usually eat a little earlier than he does, but you would not trade the best luxury meal in the world eaten by yourself with being together in Baekhyun’s flat. To the average Joe, this would be the biggest hassle, but to you… there’s no way you can get enough of being around him so privately. You enjoy taking the time to buy food for him. Taking the time in general.
You’re not the only one.
I don’t have to tell you how Baekhyun has to fight getting a vicious hard-on with sitting opposite to you with your motorcycling jacket peeled down to the hip, right inside a staring-not staring-staring-not staring match while you both slurp on your noodle soup pretending to be apprentice and idol.
It’s… bizarre. And hot. And bizarre. And frustrating.
You both don’t know where to take all of this. You end up making it a rock-solid daily routine, but not going any further than that because you are afraid. The excuse: Never change a running system.
In the meantime, Baekhyun works out even more. Not to compensate for the calories or to get rid of the increasingly chubby cheeks. Nope, it’s to impress you and show his fitness, plain and simple. At times, the music once again blasts in the practice room after everyone left. You come in to clear the room with Baekhyun in one of his very tight tank tops. 
You greet each other softly smiling. The familiarity really does begin to show. While you sort and organize, he writes you a little note on what to get for food tonight. He scribbles a little „:3“ emoji underneath. 
You think about that for at least two hours before you drive to his apartment.
So, yeah. Something is going on with him regardless of both of you trying to keep your routine stable and CIA-level secret. 
He finds himself cringeworthy when he carries seven stacked up chairs to a group meeting at once just because you’re attending. But something in him can’t help it, for the love of God. At least in this regard, he thinks, something is running on autopilot in terms of flirting methods. Meaning, he really does hide less and less. 
Meanwhile, Lucas’ eyes are falling out because Baekhyun is mustering new levels of strength nobody suspected he had. In the most random situations, even. Baekhyun’s fitness trainer is also living one hell of a life because his protégée is so eager these days. Mastering everything from weights to pilates. Hormones are one hell of a drug.
Kai frequently remarks that Baekhyun is different. „He’s nagging much less, what’s going on, why, why!“ he says to Taemin on the regular, and they invent all kinds of theories.
Since Baekhyun doesn’t want to miss out on your daily evening visit nor spend 8 hours in the gym, that means: He increases the intensity of the work-outs. For two and a half weeks, he is completely knocked out afterwards.
And so… it happens.
Baekhyun falls asleep before your visit. The door he has opened beforehand as always, but you enter a dim room with dozing Baekhyun splayed on the bed in his red carpet outfit from earlier that day. He worked out in the morning, did some hosting, talked his soul out in an interview, attended an award show, drove home, and eventually collapsed in the sheets. Lights out.
You put the rice box and cake slice you brought along on his desk. He looks so cute when he dozes, but you also hate disturbing his sleepy angel hours. Especially because you know how worn-out his schedule has left him and you feel sorry for it. 
You feel weird for standing there with your take-out and want to hurry outside as fast as possible, but leave a note. 
For the first time in weeks, you eat dinner in your own flat.
After forcefully waking up at 3AM due to his usual sleep cycle being off balance, Baekhyun falls into a spiral of regrets. Once it dawns on him what time it is and he must have missed your visit, he buries his face in his palms sitting at the edge of the bed. 
He resents himself for neither cleaning up his bedroom properly nor staying awake even more so, no matter how eventful his day was. He imagines how you must have seen him sleep, probably in the most humiliating, unflattering position and with terrible hair, judging him for being rude, forgetful, unattractive, messy, and probably a thousand other things.
Until… he finds the note. That one gives him a second almost-heart attack, but an adrenaline-fueled one this time. He stumbles back onto his bed and reads it twenty times over.
„Rest well and dig in. Don’t worry. Text if you’re okay. 03304 68010113.“
After three typos in your number, almost choking on cold rice because he eats so passionately, and several minutes of going back and forth on sending something, he kicks his own ass and writes a little „I’m ok, I’m very very sorry! I’m an idiot 😭“. After you reply that he has no reason to apologize, he rambles on about how he wishes that he’s not being an inconvenience to you with a whole row of sad and dejected emojis. 
You hate that Baekhyun feels put on the spot and obliged because of you this way and try to think hard about how to solve the dilemma. You won’t try to stop the rain of his apologies by telling him to calm down because you know it’ll make it worse, and instead decide it’s time to get going.
The opportunity is now, and there’s only one.
‚So, I have an idea—“
Going to the groovy little underground pizza restaurant downtown is something that Baekhyun immediately accepts as a suggestion. He wants to compensate for his dozing, but he also knows that this is a whopping chance more than anything.
And… a covert first date. 
He knows that’s what it is. It’s about leveling up now.
Before you can write that you’ll treat him and he can relax, he gets firm with insisting that you will pay not a single dime. You know that it’s not just his overworking conscience speaking. It’s also the only way Baekhyun gets an occasion to express that he takes this very seriously via text. 
That he wants to repay you and aims to get the most out of meeting up is something you realize when he steps out of the wardrobe room the next evening after everyone in the company has gone home. 
The stylists he has told that he needs to try this particular outfit on for some time to get used to it. „I need to dance in this, so.“
Actually, it is meant for EXO performing at the Oscars next week, but he got away with the excuse and a promise to take care. 
And… he really did the rest of the styling all by himself. He’s turned into a glamorous neat freak. Every shiny hair glued into its desired place, freshly dyed honey blonde with soft brunette roots. 
In fact, who walks at you is a wholly different Baekhyun in a dark, reddish-violet satin suit, pointy black shoes, matte black tie, mature sultry eye shadow, black square sunglasses pushed up into his hair, his signature lipstick, with a distinct statement tote bag, and black lace socks. I repeat: Lace. This is the fanciest anybody has ever headed to eat $6.50 pizza at a tube station. I mean wow, just wow. The tailored shoulders and how tight the tux cinches in at the waist is on par with Kai’s Obsession crop top. 
Even the much more expensive award show outfit from last week looks like a potato sack compared to how much he dolled himself up and reinvented literally every inch about himself. Like you have to prevent yourself from drooling.
Yep. He. Means. Business.
Funnily enough, Baekhyun realizes his zeal and just how much he is trying to impress you at all costs when you turn up with your standard khaki trench coat, bunny print umbrella, and casual white sneakers that have seen World War 1 and 2. You know, just the way you always come to his apartment and the way it’s inconspicuous. 
Going by his face… he starts to overthink his esteem. You can see how his expression becomes mortified. You promptly decide to put an end to his self-conscious back and forth through taking him by the hand. 
„You’re the best-looking man in the world and I’m asking you for a date. Are you comin’ or are you not?“
You then make it particularly clear to him that if anything, this right in front of you is very much authentic Baekhyun and not someone else you’re in for after all. And, that you’re both in your genuine form tonight the way it’s gotta be, the way you know each other and the reason why you decided to do this. Boom.
Four-step Greek style sermon for tonight: Delivered.
Now he’s gaping at you too much to beat himself up. That mission is very much accomplished. Modern problems apparently require ancient rhetoric. You’re in a kick-ass mood tonight. I dunno, anybody would be, Baekhyun’s accentuated sense of style has the historic potential to make girls reckless.
Baekhyun’s hand is heated like an Icelandic geyser and his heartbeat rate would make the average rabbit look like an amateur. Believe it or not — it’s the first time you’re deliberately touching. It’s ridiculous.
You head to the company garage, he churns out five jokes in a row on how he must look like a Korean Elton John on the way to his best-of concert, you laugh… Baekhyun feels better. Three times as nervous compared to when you usually come to his flat, but better nevertheless. And he drives, so. 
He feels like he’s catching up and giving something back, no matter that you feel he doesn’t have to, but to him, it’s important. 
You joke back to him how it’s a little bit funny — Elton John pun intended — that you saw every inch of Baekhyun’s apartment at this point already but this is the first date. The world is upside down, but it’s SM Entertainment, so. Things get started in different ways, but they do.
That realization is getting to him, too. Baekhyun’s peacock alter ego emerges to bolt over the motorway like a lovedrunk Lewis Hamilton with a foot glued to the gas pedal, but also checks fifty times for how you feel in the passenger seat. Asking about how you like it, if the A/C is set to how you want it, whether your seat is tilted the way you enjoy it. Damn, he really is on edge. 
On top of that, said alter ego maneuvers him right into a 3-kilometer outer ring traffic jam before his innocent self even realizes it. More time to chat… more time to sit so close… more time you get to savor the comfort of his luxurious car. So that was a Freudian slip with a steering wheel right there.
You already know that Baekhyun has never tried as hard to make somebody like him. You compliment his taste in cars vice versa to take that pressure off before he turns into a nervous wreck entirely. And then, also adding that you could get used to this which makes Baekhyun feel like a billion Won. His eyes are downcast, his cheeks are beaming. Figures, light superpowers and such, we know the deal.
Meanwhile, that you really like him already and for a long time is something you challenge yourself to make more than apparent to him. If he’s still this desperate about pleasing you and unsure about how he comes across, there’s some work to do. This guy needs a sign. A football field-sized one. If Baekhyun’s demon is his self-worth tonight, yours is being a lot more demonstrative. You’ve been far too indirect with him all day every day.
That you’re outside of both your professional spheres actually helps: Big fucking time.
Easing him into a conversation happens surprisingly smooth when you recount visiting his apartment and seeing him sleep so beautifully. Which you say was the most gratifying thing which is the truth. It’s been on his mind, hearing about your relief makes a lot of things plague him less. 
You also add how you enjoy bringing him food just because. That he’s nice and good company, even when he sleeps. That assures Baekhyun and makes him laugh.
And yes. He ends up serenading you throughout the entire traffic jam. And yes. When Baekhyun is in love, his singing is particularly on point. You can hear the cherry on top in his registers. No need for the stereo, you can ask him to sing any song you like. 
The traffic jam disperses after 20 minutes, Baekhyun has interpreted your entire favorite playlist at this point. Arriving feels like way too soon. 
You put your trench coat over Baekhyun while he exits the car. There’s hardly anyone around in this part of the town but who knows, making sure not to mess up his hair in the process. Both of you hurry to the stairs leading underground. Meanwhile, the car is parked quite stealthily behind a closed-down fish restaurant with dusty windows.
It feels good to walk around with Baekhyun right by your side. 
The surroundings are cluttered with trash and only few people wait at the tube station that opens up before you with every step downwards. It’s actually perfect as a getaway. There are mostly older businessmen on shift at first glance. 
It’s colder out in the open and surrounded by surfaces of concrete, the car was like a spa by comparison. Baekhyun takes the initiative to put the trench coat back onto your shoulders. You feel flattered and you smile at each other, and walk on with synchronized steps. The pizza bar is almost within sight. In the meantime, the digital board announces the tube arriving in five minutes. He takes your hand.
And then… some real bullshit goes down.
A group of seven scraggly-looking teens lounge on a bench, roughly 200 meters before the pizza bistro. You have to pass the bench close-by given how narrow the walking space next to the train tracks is. 
One of them, the tallest of the bunch, coarsely shouts at you. „How much did that prostitute cost and where does he keep his money, huh?“ He sticks his wriggling tongue out right along. The others are ogling Baekhyun’s shoes and chest pockets, preying and laughing and sneering. It dawns on you that you should’ve asked for one more song in the car.
The mood tips. One of the boys sitting on the left side of the bench starts fiddling with a 3-inch switchblade. And then, something flicks the switch inside you, too. Your Kyoong-protect-o-meter goes through the roof faster than Baekhyun can get his car to the speed limit. 
Cue She-Hulk transformation. In an onslaught of your inner wrestling diva claiming her rights, you take matters into your own hands by hurling Baekhyun’s glitzy designer bag at the guy’s surprised face. Sorry Versace, it had to be done. The whole group gasps out loud. While they’re still caught off guard, you go on to lunge forward and furiously whack greasy knife guy and two other approaching attackers with your Roger fucking Rabbit umbrella using a windmill-motion martial arts technique you came up with from scratch. Baekhyun doesn’t even have to duck… being smol has its advantages. 
The switchblade is sent flying into a bin. Point landing. You proceed to rip into the group to helicopter your improvised weapon in circles until it threatens to plow down the better of them and they back away squealing and pleading. Britney would be so damn proud of you, I’m telling ya.
Needless to say, the mortally terrified group runs and disperses into the arriving tube, probably booking their therapist appointments for Monday morning already. You pick up the bag for Baekhyun a little breathless, dust it off, and say a prayer. Holy shit. 
What the hell just happened. Literally, what the fucking fuck.
An entirely wide-eyed Baekhyun still can’t believe that a whole group of sleazy guys twice as tall as him took an unhinged windmill beating by you to prevent a robbery, and meanwhile he is the martial arts champion. Like, hello? He’s been a Hapkido instructor with several gold medals. How many black belts does the guy have again? He could mow down fifty of that kind and pulverize anyone of them with a mere NCT-style kick. This is ridiculous. He’s mighty impressed.
A few businessmen at the station are looking at you from afar with open mouths. You wave and give a thumbs up signalling all is okay. The security personnel reviewing the CCTV the next day is down for a ride. You hope that there are no headlines with pictures of this. Tube brats get their ass busted by cartoon bunny at 2:15 AM. K-Pop star Baekhyun defended by mysterious umbrella wielder gone wild.
You take a deep breath, brush off your coat. „Um. Moving on I guess.“ Then, interlink arms with Baekhyun, strolling on toward the restaurant. Looking around everywhere, still a little shocked. Walking off your relief helps, as is looking forward to eating. Damn, you do outrageous things when you’re hungry.
The restaurant is the size of the practice room at best, lit with white neon and decorated with Italian flags in every corner. The empty seats are designed like in an American diner from the 80s.
The lanky six-foot-something waiter, Luigi Roberto Maranello Salvatore (his nameplate is really in-depth about this), hurries to the door when he sees how Baekhyun is dressed and probably thinks the King of Korea just arrived. Which he, in fact, did, but that’s beside the point. 
You sit at the very back and get comfortable after breaking your last sweat. An enthusiastic Luigi presents to you the latest ‚delicious couple menu options’ and promises to use the best toppings he can offer. You instantly trust him, Luigi has the most accurate mustache you’ve ever seen.
Baekhyun and you share a huge plate of the curiously named ‚Pizza Puppy Love‘  that might be better described as a circle-shaped late night gala buffet. You dig in because damn, fighting thugs makes hungry, and Baekhyun stuffs himself given how it’s his favorite meal. Luigi sees that you are avid eaters and way too busy looking at each other, so he disappears in the kitchen, proud of setting the mood just perfectly.
In the meantime, Baekhyun says that he thinks of hiring you as a sasaeng protection machine. You muse how the umbrella is sturdier than you thought and you wouldn’t hesitate to use it again now that you think about it. Being Baekhyun’s Jarvis is not a bad thought, actually. Beating up rascals for him is your newly discovered love language.
In fact: Whatever took over inside of you and made you lose your chill, Baekhyun is mighty curious about. He thinks that was very sexy. You get the feeling that this guy could like dangerous women. He might have picked that up from Taemin, credits to him.
After Baekhyun has dramatically recounted the umbrella incident at least five times, the conversation goes on about your embarrassing hiding stories, how hilariously over- and underdressed you are as a unit, and you teasing him about „speeding on the highway, are we“. Baekhyun teases you back about how you acted like his manager with your trench coat over his head. He kind of has a point and you call it a tie.
Seeing Baekhyun all full with his beloved pizza and acting so carefree in his Oscar suit is a cute sight. You take the liberty to cut a particularly large slice out of the puppy pizza UFO and feed him. 
If it’s a couple menu, you gotta act like it.
Baekhyun is making some mighty heart eyes at you, and so — you decide to take it a little further. This whole fight thing made you forget you’re on a goddamn date after… a whole year of eyefucking and that it’s about time to close the gap.
Luigi is wholly busy making order in the kitchen and Baekhyun has some tomato sauce stuck at the side of his mouth. Convenient. You take the chance to wipe it off with the tip of your right digit. 
He realizes what you’re doing and promptly grabs your hand to keep it right where it is. Uh-oh. His tongue darts out, he licks right across your finger. To top it off, he starts to suck it, too. With a typical nonchalance. Seeing how you almost combust, he takes another finger into his hot mouth. And sucks a little more. His lipstick smudges onto your hand. His eyes are like hot coals and the pupils are all blown. Oh my, my, my. 
If you’re just playing, don’t you ever give Baekhyun anything to escalate on like that, ever. The way you were ready to knock down the seven guys, he is ready to get physical once the first step is done. Though, the thing is. You’re not playing. It’s exactly the type of fodder that you’ve been craving to give him. Baekhyun’s oral fixation is something else.
The rest of the pizza is gone in five minutes…
…and Luigi gets the tip of his life.
You walk to the car in much faster steps than before. Even if it’s later than late, nobody is around anymore except a sleeping beggar on the other side of the station. No danger in sight whatsoever. There’s a different reason to get going like that this time and there’s no way you can mentally prepare yourself for what’s coming.
Back to the fish restaurant, back to the car spa. Nobody on the streets, anywhere. This night, Baekhyun does not feel even remotely tired, though.
After you put your umbrella in the trunk — you will honor it much more from now on — the driver’s and passenger’s seat stay empty for half an hour and a little more. Now, the actual stereo is on. There’s a lot to catch up with on the backseat.
Baekhyun puts Delight on repeat, and queues City Lights just because. Guy knows what good music and singing sounds like. You interlock hands and call him pretty. Baekhyun is flustered, but all the more eager. 
It takes barely a minute until you get serious with making out on top of him and grind on his lap like the world ends. The satiny fabric is too tempting not to gyrate all over it in your jeans. Lord knows his legs are great. You know what you signed up for. Those thighs are so delicious to straddle, you can’t even imagine. 
Baekhyun gazes at you so intently and ready, whispering his little you-can-do-anythings and tell-me-all-you-wants, it’s like magic.
To top it off, kissing his little pouty lips has got to be the best thing, running your hands through his sexy hair — even more so. Your mouth and fingers have been begging you to do this. Begging. 
From there, your hands go places. His neatly razored nape of the neck, his waist, the chest. His suit, all that expensive fabric, his gentle skin, it’s so nice to the touch. He smells so hot. Bergamot, cinnamon, and sweet, deep, rich and soothing sandalwood. „Girl, I’m your Candy“ gets a whole new meaning. Practice room memories. As if you aren’t wet enough already. 
By the last minute of the second track, Baekhyun is already hooked kissing your neck and does some very daring acrobatics with his tongue. And you thought the pizza would satiate him. Nope, he eats you up like a whole salad bowl of black bean noodles with three pounds kimchi and ten fried eggs stacked on top. In his own words I mean lyrics: Game over.
The desperation and nervosity adds even more sloppiness and hunger. These have got to be the lewdest slurping and sucking noises you’ve ever heard. You can’t help but curse the ugliest things. Something’s pretty damn hard through the front of his tux already. 
Baekhyun feels that you feel it and the kissing becomes even more frantic. His whole body says: Grind more. Please. Please.
By the time the fourth track starts, Baekhyun’s entirely wet mouth wanders upward. Here goes the French kissing madness. You glide your hips back and forth on his bulge, and his tongue is already winding inside of you like it’s advanced singing lessons. It’s so unreal that you have to grab hold of his upper arms to stay in place. Shit, this guy. 
You can tell that this… is his absolute forte. Nobody can fuck with Baekhyun when it comes to outrageous mouth and throat technique. Your tongue gets a sense of how confident he is in his lip service and works his way into it. Now you know how it feels when Byun Baekhyun pays back your attention. Holy Luigi’s Cannoli, he has so much fun. Way, way too much fun. Like Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
And that’s the last damn straw. Really, the last one. You can’t do this shit anymore. You ask for condoms. 
After freezing up for at least ten seconds, he nods his little head about ten times in a row. It’s as if he can’t actually believe it and didn’t just kiss the shit out of you with the hardest dick in history.
„Okay, I’ll—“
Baekhyun keeps them in a yellow puppy-shaped bag under the driver’s seat and takes three torturous minutes to get them from there since it’s underneath and behind other random things. Which means you get to look at his ass for said time because he is bent forward between the two front seats. It’s not like you’ve never seen Baekhyun from behind, but never this close nor in a suit as tight since he usually wears baggy things. So. He’s not just big in the front, then. For his build? That is Korea’s ass.
And the condoms? You expected they were in his tote or his suit within one reach and rip. Nope, Baekhyun did not leave the company building with intentions. He’s been managing this raging boner for a whole year and did not make any moves on you in his apartment where he could have had you on any available surface in two minutes. Baekhyun wasn’t close to even remotely ask for literally anything. He just sat there on the couch with restless legs, ruffled hair, and an open mouth while hearing you talk. You don’t want to imagine how intensely he must have gotten off. Which he, in fact, did. 
He didn’t deliberately plan sex in a specific place for the first date either. Instead, he was prepared for— what exactly? A slight eventuality? Now that you think about it: Going by how he dressed himself, what Baekhyun probably thought he could get out of this was: A compliment. Even if all of your evening visits were nothing but hardcore sexual tension and this was the chance to bring that to an end. Let that sink in.
This guy’s self-control is not only astronomical, but also completely astounding given his usual character. In fact, you thought he would be entirely sovereign with this. How could he not? He’s Baekhyun!
Going by all that… You conclude that Baekhyun must really feel like he does not deserve you. His shame and self-denial must go through the roof. Given how his deeper insecurities have been in plain sight, it actually makes sense. Looks like you’re the one bringing them out, whatever it is that you do. It’s pretty tough knowing that you rouse something as vulnerable in him but it’s as good as it is bad. You find him very brave and incredible for letting it show. Honestly? It’s better than pushing through all of this pretending.
Plus — You really must have given him the impression that he can look but not ever touch. While that’s the entire opposite of what you want. 
To be fair: Having Baekhyun openly touch you in the company would have been a dangerous act. Even more so than say, you touching him, (which would have been somewhat possible, look at stylists and managers casually or work-relatedly doing skinship). Because that means that the availability his profession suggests to the world is no longer a thing and his mind is set on one person. Which, in his field, is social death. 
That’s why Baekhyun could only ever touch you by virtue of circumstances and whatever higher forces arranging accidents where he bumped into you. Talk about indirect ways. The universe gave you what you wanted, but in a way where there was always the excuse of bad luck and no possibility of other people finding out about your feelings. Risky love breeds risky circumstances.
The same with showing his body or knocking at your door to get your attention. He knows he can’t do that, can’t ask for it. So what happens? You accidentally walk in on him, or he crashes against your office entrance after slipping.
The same with treating you, spending time together, getting taken care of by you. Baekhyun found himself wishing for it. So it happened that you spilled your fries and he bought them for you all over, and he was begging for fried noodles so the opportunity to meet surprisingly came about. The accidents themselves both of you didn’t want nor deliberately stage, but you very much wanted the results of them. Directly you could not express your feelings, not even Baekhyun. That’s how it all came to be and now you see just how much he wants to be close to you in so many ways.
That he feels ashamed and undeserving — that shocks the living hell out of you. 
So, all right then, keeper. Time to show you otherwise. 
It’s crazy how he thinks you’re the one off limits and not him. Then again, he’s not the guy with the savage umbrella technique.
Since his hand is too shaky, you slip one on him and start to ride him without any further ado. You’re already leaking so what’s left to fiddle around about. No wasting any time here. 
The deal is as good as sealed. He feels fucking great inside of you and his wide eyes are the most rewarding thing. Whatever dimension Baekhyun just broke through, the level of whipped is not possible to be described with any human words. His hands are roaming over you pretty much without aim, you can tell your body is too much for him.
After he’s begging you to do it roughly, you grab him by the collar and fuck his soul out until he’s all gasping because his dick hurts. The song’s called Are You Ridin’ with good reason.
Baekhyun’s brains are long screwed out at this point, if not reduced to absolute green and purple jello. Is there actually any mind to lose at this point after you had your fingers in his mouth? Like literally, his favorite thing? Probably not. 
He bites down into his sleeve. Baekhyun is all knocked out by you by the time you get to your second orgasm, and reclines on the backseat bench to starfish the rest of the thing with his mouth hanging open at you. Hormone overload. His entire body shut down except the will to keep it up and not come. Yum, he is fit. Where he takes that godly strength from, only higher powers can tell. The Tree of Life, Zeus, Ten Chittaphon, I don’t know. 
He just has the kind of dick you can really bounce on. Really. Fucking. Hard. You are one spark of insanity close to run on autopilot. I don’t think anybody’s growled like this on him before. Nor was Baekhyun’s cock this close to falling right off, ever. 
This is not sex, it’s a crazy as fuck pounding, with Baekhyun on the verge of being blacked out with drool on his chin and his eyes rolling back. His fingers are absentmindedly trailing down your upper back and all he can utter is a small, yearning „please, please“ and gritting „don’t stop, please don’t stop…“ between his teeth. And hell, you have not a single reason to. Cue Captain America, I can do this all day.
When other people say smashing, whatever they’re referring to is not as smash as this. This must be the dirtiest, wettest slapping noise you’ve ever heard, and Baekhyun’s entirely uncontrolled moans will be forever etched into your memory. So melodic, so goddamn excited and desperate and all fucked out. He’s groaning so well, it’s like it’s meant for you.
By the third time you come, he’s crying and whining and has to cover his mouth not to scream out loud. You have no idea what your body is doing, but whatever it is, it’s taking Baekhyun out. Even you tire after some time, but you keep going. You imagine that every thrust is the meal and attention you wanna give to him.
That’s a lot of fucking and edging you get done in half an hour. Baekhyun’s tongue is hanging out afterwards and you went through a whopping three condoms. So much frustration finally released. Baekhyun’s gonna be emptier than Suho’s wallet after Sehun ordered a lifetime supply of bubble tea. 
You squarely avoid oozing your own cum onto his backseat with one hand. Good lord that creampie would ruin everything if he didn’t wear a condom. You’ve come a long way since colliding in the cafeteria, not gonna lie.
And thank God you’re not fucking somewhere in the company and the Audi is close to soundproof because this guy is LOUD. You need some good eardrums to handle these moans. Unhinged is an understatement. If this becomes a contest outwhoring each other, he’d win by a landslide. 
By the time you slip off, Baekhyun is on the verge to the dreamland, you milked every last drop out of him. Which means… 
…you get to drive an expensive as fuck Audi through Seoul. Your beatdown with the tube thugs you try to refrain from boasting about, but this one you are tempted to brag about to yourself for the next week. Well, in your mind. Just a little bit. It’s a great car. And you feel giddy in your body all over. That’s what sex with Baekhyun does to you. 
Seoul traffic is tame around this time. Half in his sleep, Baekhyun hums and sings on the driver’s seat. He’s all sober, but you made the guy act a lil’ drunk, huh. In his element, he talks and talks and talks and talks a little more. Then, does his tiny 'ㅅ' pup face and dozes for half the ride. Sleeping angel hours.
You can’t really scold him for passing out so fast in the slightest. As always, he went who knows how many extra miles just for you. That includes vowing to hand-wash his Oscars suit because it’s fucking ruined. Since the stylists are guaranteed to flame him, you send the fashion department a message how Baekhyun has to wear a different suit because he’s simply too dummy thick for this one, especially as far as the pants are concerned. Which is almost no lie and they will believe you. 
Much like his name suggests, Baekhyun does go hundred. At his apartment, you basically have to carry him into the bedroom. He says he doesn’t want to sleep. But you won’t kiss him goodnight after you pull off your jacket without a strong word on how his health has to be priority. He gets the point when you say you wouldn’t have had a first date without Baekhyun dozing off before your evening visit.
Sweet baby Jesus, you’d still be awkwardly slurping noodles without Baekhyun’s faux pas. If you look back at it: It’s all a story of accidents that turn out beautiful.
Sleep being Baekhyun’s reset button, that’s the best thing to do in order to give the night a good conclusion. Being alone in his apartment together, you don’t have to discreet about sleeping next to him after setting the alarm clock.
Mark Lee’s piping hot Americano is the culprit for all of this, but you thank him.
----
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deep-space-elf · 4 years
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Haldir x Reader - Unwanted
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A/N: Have you ever been annoyed by having a crush on someone? Like “Nope! I really don’t need this right now. Stahp it!”? Because that’s what I’m going through right now. Anyways, this headcanon was actually supposed to be a ficlet, but I just never got around to write it. So I posted it as a headcanon, according to the motto: Better this than nothing. But now I’ve finally found some time and motivation and suddenly I wrote 1700+ words. Well, that a little longer than I thought... Ooops?! 😶 Summary: Y/N is fed up with her crush on Haldir, thinking he’d never return her feelings for him. She plans on doing everything she can to stop this stupid infatuation but thanks to Rúmil her plan is doomed to fail.  Word Count: 1770 Warnings: A little angsty in the beginning  Reader: fem!Reader, Reader is a historian (though it’s only mentioned)
Y/N stomped towards her home, not paying any attention to what was going on around her. Her cheeks were coloured bright red. What was she thinking?! If she wouldn’t be in public, she’d smack her head against the book she was carrying. 
As she reached her home, she closed the door behind herself - trying her hardest not to slam it - and slid down against it. She tossed the book carelessly aside and put her head in her hands. This couldn’t continue, she needed to stop. This was making her nothing but miserable. 
She spent basically the whole morning sitting near the training grounds, pretending to be reading while sneakily watching Haldir train. The longer she was there, the harder it was to pretend. Her eyes wouldn’t stay on the pages and would find the march warden more and more often. 
Eventually, Rúmil would sit down next to her, a smug smile plastered on his face. “So, how’s my brother doing today?” 
The blood rushed towards her face. “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about!” 
Rúmil laughed, a full belly laugh. “Sure, Y/N. Just talk to him. I’m sure it would please him.” 
“Don’t be silly,” Y/N said and stood up. “Why would a march warden be interested in talking to a historian? Anyway, I have to go. Good day, Rúmil.” 
Her friend shook his head. “You’re hopeless. Have a nice day, Y/N and think about what I told you.” 
Y/N groaned, think back at the conversation. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” 
This has been going on for months now. Whenever Y/N had the chance, she would sneak a peek at the handsome march warden. First, she thought it was simply fascinated with his skill and well, perhaps because he was easy on the eyes. But soon she had to come to terms with the fact that she was developing a crush on him. 
Whenever she would see him, her heart would flutter with happiness. Whenever she heard his voice, she got goosebumps. Whenever she was not concentrating, Haldir would occupy her thoughts. It was annoying! 
She was pretty sure that Haldir would never be interested in her that way, and she wished her brain understood that. The more she thought daydreamed about Haldir, the deeper she fell into this rabbit hole. At this point, she couldn’t even remember what it was like when he was not constantly present in her mind. 
She got up from the floor and sighed. This needs to stop! she told herself once more. From tomorrow on, she would stop seeking out every opportunity she could get to see him or him talk. She would preoccupy her thoughts with work and books, so her brain wouldn’t have a chance to come up with another daydream of him and Y/N together. Tomorrow, things will change! 
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
It was early in the morning when Y/N walked through Caras Galadhon on her way to work. She was early but it would only give her more time to plan out projects and find books she will read in the coming weeks. Her first step on not thinking about him. 
“Y/N!” She turned around and saw Rúmil jogging towards her. 
“Good morning, mellon,” she greeted her friend. “You’re up early.” 
“Haldir wants us to train harder in the coming weeks,” Rúmil rolled his eyes. “You know, because of the surge in orc sightings. Like they would come anywhere close to Lothlórien.” 
“Who knows,” Y/N replied. “Orcs are not exactly the brightest and attack anything and anyone.” 
Rúmil smirked. “Of course you would agree with Haldir.” 
Her cheeks began to colour. “Well, it is a sensible precaution!” 
“Of course,” Rúmil nodded mock-seriously. 
It was her turn to roll her eyes as she poked him in the sides. “Stop it!” 
“Anyway,” he changed the topic, “would you mind coming to the training ground with me? There’s something I like to show you.” 
Y/N hesitated. Normally she would agree immediately. Rúmil was her best friend and when he asked something of her, she would gladly agree. But after her promise to herself yesterday, she wasn’t so sure if going to the training ground was such a good idea. He would be there and inflame another inner turmoil. 
Rúmil nudged her playfully when she didn’t say anything. “Come on, it’ll be great!” 
If she wouldn’t go, Rúmil would know something is up, and probably be a little pest about it. Get a grip! she scolded herself. You can’t bend your whole life around an ellon to avoid him, just because you have a crush on him! 
“All right,” Y/N said. “As long as it won’t take too long.” 
“Great!” 
Just go there, see what Rúmil wants to show you and leave. Easy. Any thoughts about him will be squashed immediately!
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
After a couple of minutes, the two friends arrived at the training ground. The first thing she heard was him shouting commands at the soldiers. Her body reacted before he finished the sentence and sent goosebumps all over her arms. No! No, no, no! Don’t think about it. 
She turned her back towards the training soldiers and looked at Rúmil. “So, what did you want to tell me?”
“Ah, wait here,” he said and vanished in one of the small huts, presumed to be an armoury, next to the ground. 
Behind her, she heard more commands and instructions being shouted. She didn’t even need to turn around to know when they came from Haldir or someone else. Calm yourself, dammit! But eventually, she couldn’t resist any longer, and her head slowly turned towards the source of the voices. There he was. Through the numerous soldiers, she spotted Haldir instantly. To her, he stood out like the moon between the stars. Bright, beautiful and mesmerising. Nothing and no one could compare to him. 
She was so captured by him that she didn’t notice Rúmil returning, or how he rolled his eyes when he saw her staring at his brother once again. “Just talk to him.” 
Y/N jumped. She turned her back towards her friend. A, by now, well-known feeling spreading through her chest - forlornness. “I wouldn’t even know what to say.” 
Rúmil shrugged. “Anything, really. You could talk about-” 
Y/N peeked over her shoulder and saw the march warden had spotted them. Her breath caught in her throat when he was looking directly at her. He patted on of the soldier on the shoulder and made his way towards them. Y/N felt like fainting. 
“Shit! He’s coming over! Hide me, Rúmil!” she said and tried to get behind her friends back. But Rúmil was faster. He grabbed her shoulders and placed her right in front of him. As if this wasn’t traumatising enough for Y/N he waved his brother happily, like nothing was wrong. “Hey, Haldir! Y/N wants to tell you something! I’ll be with you in a moment.” And with that he sprinted towards the changing area, leaving a dumbfounded Y/N behind. 
I really need new friends. Perhaps that should be my next project - sorting out the people that BETRAY me like this! 
Haldir looked after his brother but didn’t seem to be too worried about his weird behaviour. When he turned towards Y/N a soft smile played around his lips. “Lady Y/N, what can I do for you?” 
How can a person even be this pretty? His eyes… oh my, they’re even prettier up close. And he said my name… Oh, right. Think! Say something! Anything!
“Um… nothing really,” Y/N said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Rúmil is just being… Rúmil.” 
She looked down on her feet, not being able to hold his gaze any longer. She could feel her cheeks heating and hoped Haldir wouldn’t see it, or not understanding what caused it. 
“I must apologise for my brother,” Haldir said. “For some reason, he seemed to be set hard on us getting to know better. I am sorry if he caused you any discomfort.” 
Was Rúmil pesting Haldir just as much about her crush on him? That little-
“Oh, now it’s my fault!” Rúmil returned, dressed in his training clothes. He regarded them both with a flat look. “But you’re right, dear brother. I want you two to talk to each other because I know that what you two want!” 
Haldir and Y/N flushed. They both opened their mouths to protest but Rúmil was having none of it. “Nope! No backtalk! For months I’ve heard you two whining that you want to get to know the other but didn’t know how. Well, here it is, the perfect opportunity! I happened to know that you both have nothing planned tomorrow evening, so I friendly suggest - actually, scratch that friendly, you two better follow my advice, or I don’t want to hear about the topic ever again - that you two meet and chat and whatever. Just. Talk. To. Each. Other! It can’t be that hard!” He threw his arms in the air and stomped towards the training ground. 
Haldir and Y/N looked at each other, stunned by Rúmil’s outburst. It was Haldir who broke the silence first. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Rúmil is right, I’d really like to get to know you, Y/N.” 
For a moment Y/N couldn’t believe her ears. She smiled fondly at him. “I’d like to get to know you, too. So… um… tomorrow evening?” she asked and hoped it wasn’t too forward. 
Haldir nodded and Y/N could have sworn his cheeks looked a little red. “It sounds good. I know a nice place… Shall I pick you up, once the sun starts setting?” 
Y/N’s smile grew wider and wider. “Sounds perfect. I’m looking forward to it.” 
“Great,” Haldir said. 
For an outsider, it might have looked like they were having an awkward moment, but for them both it was one of the best moments in their lives. One of many that would follow. They kept on looking at each other for a little while longer, both not believing what just happened. After months of hoping, wishing and dreaming they would finally get to know each other… and hopefully become more than just friends. 
“I’ll see you then,” Y/N eventually said. 
“See you tomorrow, Y/N,” Haldir said and walked back to his soldiers.  
With a wide smile and butterflies in her stomach, she walked to her work. Maybe I don’t have to sort Rúmil out after all. Perhaps he actually deserves a promotion on my friends-list. Better not tell him. It’ll only get to his head. 
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
Taglist: @velvetmotel97​ 
If you want to be tagged, let me know! :)
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gnocchighoul · 4 years
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Scenario: surprising luci by getting up early to make him breakfast uwu
Sometimes, you think that you’ve been cursed.
Logically, you know that you haven’t been, though. Lucifer would have blown a gasket if anyone even attempted to.
No, the only curse wrought upon you is one of your own making. 
Your sleep schedule is the stuff of nightmares. If it wasn’t awful before you lived in the Devildom, it sure as hell is now. Seriously, you could be the poster-child for insomnia. It really only took a few weeks for your body’s internal clock to tick out of wack—now, months later, there’s no hope of salvaging it.
But it’s not like you wanted this to happen! You’ve tried to fix it, but your method of lounging under a stupid sun lamp for a few hours each day wasn’t enough to combat the fucking everlasting night of the Devildom. 
So, yeah. Your sleep schedule is fucked.
Which is why you’re awake in the wee hours of the morning, staring up at the ceiling with bleary eyes while Lucifer sleeps soundly next to you. 
Which, y'know, actually makes this whole insomnia thing a little bit easier to bear. Not to sound like a creep or anything, but you like to watch him sleep.
... Actually that sounded really creepy, hold on.
It’s not like you're some kind of weird voyeur or anything—you hope—it's just nice to see him relaxed, for once. That little concerned notch in his brow finally smoothed over, his shoulders no longer painfully taut. 
He’s hugging his pillow and totally drooling into it. The cat is curled up on the small of his lower back, right above the waistline of his pants, gently kneading his butt in her sleep. Makin’ biscuits out of that ‘tush. 
(Even though he constantly bitches about how Tater Tot’s white hair gets all over everything, those two are inseparable now.)
(He’s so fucking whipped for that cat.)
They’re just so fucking cute and you’re so full of love that if you don’t pour it into something right this instant, your heart is gonna start doing backflips, anatomically impossible or otherwise. You would just attack Lucifer or Tater Tot with your love, but they’re asleep, so unfortunately, you’re in need of a different outlet.
So, just like Tater Tot, you decide that you should go put on your chef hat and surprise Lucifer with breakfast. 
Now you just need to sneak out of bed.
Which is fine. It’s totally fine. You can totally do it. You’re a master of stealth and sneakery. But not like the shoes, more like the secret mission type. Oh yeah, from now on, everyone should just call you 007 with how incredibly sneaky you are. Just a little bit further now, you’ve already got one foot touching the floor, you just need to slooooowly slide your butt off the mattress and—
“Get back here.”
You most certainly do not let out a startled yelp or nearly jump a foot in the air, I dunno who told you that.
...Well, shit. There goes your short-lived dream of being a spy. So long, farewell, adieu. 
“Where are you going?” 
Both Lucifer and the cat are now glaring at you with mirrored expressions of betrayal. You wilt a little bit under the intensity of their gazes.
A bit sheepishly, you rub at the back of your neck. “I was gonna surprise you with breakfast.” 
Tater Tot looks at Lucifer as if to say, Do you hear this shit, Dad? 
Lucifer frowns. You can practically see the cogs in his brain churning away slowly, struggling to cut through the fogginess of sleep. “But it’s Mammon’s day to cook?”
“Well yeah, that’s why it would be a surprise.”
Lucifer makes a face. You’re not sure if it’s meant to be a pout, a grimace, or a glare. Perhaps it’s a poumaceare. 
“Don’t go. I’d rather have you.” 
...Damn.
Well, he doesn’t have to tell you twice, that’s for sure.
You flop back onto the mattress—Lucifer hooks an arm around your waist and pulls you snug up against him, with zero possibility of escape. Even Tater Tot places a vigilant paw on your hip.
Needy children, both of them.
“Really? Even you, Tater Tot?” you huff. 
She meeps at you.
“Don’t respond to that name, Phobos. It’s disrespectful.” Lucifer says, turning his head to look at her. You swear on Mammon’s life that the cat actually nods back at him.
You smack Lucifer’s arm. “Stop trying to put a rift between me and my child, you ass. She loves her name. Isn’t that right, Tater?” 
Your heart swells with pride when your furbaby meows back at you. Lucifer sighs bone deep and drops his head back onto the pillow. He pokes your tummy.
“Don’t be so smug. I can feel it, you know.”
Ah, yes. Pact perks. 
You grin. “We could’ve avoided this if you had just let me surprise you with breakfast.”
He squeezes you like a stress ball. “I don’t care. Go to sleep before I make you.”
There’s a saying that instantly comes to mind—something about not poking at bears. But you don’t really care about ‘wise expressions’, so you just stomp that thought down and do it anyways.
You poke his cheek and say, “Ooo, someone’s feeling spicy~” 
Lucifer smiles at you, wayyyyy too nicely. The pads of his fingertips skating up your chest to press teasingly against your throat, and you think, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate some of your life choices.
“Do you really wish to find out?” 
...Fuck.
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Text
What if...10b
Okay, so this ‘epilogue’ became... a monster. I decided to split chapter 10 into two parts because it was already so big, and, uh, yeah, now I’m splitting 10b into three parts. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ENABLE ME, PEOPLE. Your lovely comments, your kind reblogs and support turned this from what was supposed to be no more than 4 chapters into 90 000 word ramble.
*ahem*
So part 10b is Dulcy POV, 10c is chaotic everyone POV, and then there will be a bonus part for someone who didn’t get to join Dulcy and Dav’s little family.
-
What if Dulsissia hadn’t died, what if she had grabbed Corin and fled? What if she met Davarax? What if…
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10a
Epilogue; Dulcy
“We’ll be back later, dad!” Corin exclaims from where he’s standing next to Din in the doorway, eager to call Davarax that at every occasion he can find.
Davarax nods and gives a light wave to the two teenagers about to step out of the house they have rented on this obscure, little planet and head into the nearby town. (Having picked up a bit of Motti credits makes things a lot easier.) “Duly noted, son.”
The slight smile on his face tells Dulsissia that Davarax is well aware of Corin’s need to constantly reaffirm their new relationship and indulges him with never-ending patience. But what she also notes is how Din hesitates half a second while Corin turns to leave and she sees there is hurt in his dark eyes as they linger on Davarax.
That evening, while Barthor wraps up his conversation with his father via the holo-communicator, Davarax holds Raga back until the boy is done and the line is free for her to call her parents.
Dulsissia glances after Barthor shuffling back towards their house, helmet held low and shoulders slumped. Just like during previous calls, his parents show close to no interest in their son and he is equally disappointed every time. “Dav?”
Davarax turns his attention away from Raga and over to Dulsissia. “Yeah?”
“Why don’t you adopt the others too? Like you did with Corin?” Her heart breaks every time she sees these children with sadness in their eyes and Davarax is the one who always brings smiles to their faces.
Sighing, Davarax leans against the door frame. “It’s not that easy…”
“Why not?”
“For one thing, Paz and Raga have their families. The Saxons are… unique, but they love her. And Dez, well, I hope that maybe he’ll come to his senses.” Davarax looks over at Barthor’s retreating shape as well. “Barthor… I might have to talk to him about it.”
Dulsissia frowns as he doesn’t mention the most obvious one of all; “What about Din?”
“Din…” Davarax looks down at the floor. He looks guilty. “I messed that up. Big time.”
“He’d forgive you in a heartbeat.” Dulsissia declares. “He worships you.”
“Maybe.” Davarax replies, not sounding convinced. “But I don’t deserve his forgiveness. And after what he’s been through, I think Din needs to be allowed to hold on to his roots before another adult tries to pressure their identity on him.”
What that boy needs is a father, Dulsissia thinks, but before she can voice her thoughts she’s distracted by someone shouting. Looking over, she sees Raga’s mother in the holo-projector screaming at someone out of sight before turning back to focus on her daughter again.
“What was that, Raga? You said something about how many push ups? You’re up to what now?”
“Fifty-”
“PUT THAT DOWN!” Raga’s mother bellows to her right and then makes a frustrated grunt and reaches out to grab someone. “Here. Talk to your brother. I have to murder your other two brothers for a bit.” She steps away and a smaller Mandalorian with a green helmet takes her place.
“Raga. Still ugly I see. You really should have kept the helmet on.”
“Sioben. Still a moron, I hear. I was kind of hoping dad had followed through on his threat to dropkick you into space.” Raga counters. “Paz taught me some new tricks. I’m going to kick your ass when I see you again.”
Sioben shakes his head. “I don’t know why he puts up with you. He could have anyone he wants, he’s a huge badass ‘and’ a Vizla. I can’t think of a single reason why he lets you stick around.”
“Don’t hurt your brain trying to think.” Raga snarls.
“At least I have a brain. Unlike you.” Sioben fires back.
A hand appears and smacks into Sioben’s helmet and he goes toppling out of sight and Raga’s mother appears again. “Listen, I have to go. I’m a bit busy here. Say hi to Davarax from me. Be careful out there, Raga. Byebye.” The woman’s holo-image dissolves and she’s gone.
When Raga walks out of the room, Dulsissia reaches out and touches her shoulder. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“What for?” Raga asks with a huge grin. “Didn’t you hear that? She didn’t yell at me once!”
Dulsissia looks over at Davarax with a look of slight belief while the girl walks away, humming happily and he can only offer a weak shrug in return.
-
And on the subject of Paz and Raga...
While there are still sides to the Mandalorian culture that are still a mystery to her, Dulsissia remembers more than enough about what it was like to be a human a teenager to see what is happening there.
The two have been drawn together as friends since they were small children, as far as Dulsissia understands. They always gravitate towards each other. If you see one, odds are good that the other is nearby or about to appear. And Dulsissia feels both compassion and amusement as she sees the growing awkwardness as a different kind of attraction between them starts to enter the picture.
Dulsissia tries to hide her laughter when she sees Raga pretending to need a water break but only so she can let her gaze roam all over Paz as he continues his intense training next to her. Raga has always been climbing him like a jungle gym, but these days it brings a flush to her cheeks when he holds her close or play-wrestle with her, and Raga even smiles in her sleep the times she drowses off with her head resting on his chest. It’s a shame she seems unable to voice what she feels.
This leads to the seething anger in Raga’s eyes when Paz mindlessly flirt with the local girls and basks in their attention. An anger which causes her to pick fights with Din and the others, violent fights that always ends badly for at least one of them and Davarax has to patch them up while trying to calm Raga down.
At the same time, with a stealth worthy of admiration, Paz’ gaze discretely seeks out Raga with an interest and longing he doesn’t show any of the local girls desperately trying to hold his attention. His attention trail along her curves, he flushes at glimpses of her skin and it is kind of cute how he’s only happy if Raga is happy.
Unfortunately Paz seems too insecure, which is absurd, to actually show how her how he feels.
His temper is as bad as Raga’s, though, which causes Paz to one day actually punch a hole in a wall. He flat out refuses to explain why he’d done it, even when Davarax wraps up his bleeding hand and asks in a frustrated voice what is going on with him, but Dulsissia accidentally overheard earlier when Raga agreed to go out on a date with a suitor of her own and suspects that is why.
“I’m going to help them.” Dulsissia declares one morning after Raga had managed to draw both Din and Corin into a vicious brawl the previous evening, just after Paz had gone out to meet some girl.
Davarax grunts, half-asleep on his stomach with his face partly burrowed into the pillow. “They’ll figure it out eventually.”
She sends him, or his back to be more precise, a dry glance. “Are you kidding me? Those two? If someone doesn’t help them along, it’ll take yeeaars.”
Davarax snorts a laugh. “At your own peril, cyare.”
Dulsissia thinks about all her excellent work as a matchmaker back on Seswenna. That included family ranks, politics and enough credits to buy a minor planet. These are two teenagers. She’s got this.
It’s a delicate mission. First Dulsissia establishes through a little research that there is absolutely no doubt that these two feel the same and are just too emotionally constipated to do something about it, then she goes to work on them separately. Hints, questions and light nudges.
It takes a surprisingly short time for them to admit to her what she already knows, but neither is willing to make the first move.
“Why not go for it?” Dulsissia eventually asks..
“I don’t think he/she thinks of me that way…” Raga/Paz replies. Her face bright red as she half-heartedly trains defensive moves with Dulsissia one sun-soaked day. Him with quiet sadness when Dulsissia delivers some clean laundry to his room one evening.
“I think you’d be surprised.” Dulsissia teases and winks.
After that, they become a little braver. Instead of just friendly bickering, Raga and Paz both add a little intent and teasing to their interactions, and that eventually develop into outright flirting.
During training Davarax sends Dulsissia a dry look when Paz, instead of following through with his attack, merely keeps his hands against the wall, fencing in the grinning and uncharacteristically passive Raga and hovers there with a slight smirk of his own. Davarax rolls his eyes when Raga, after flipping Paz over and have him land on his back, simply straddles his stomach and pretends to hold him down with her hands on his shoulders instead of following through with her attack and Paz, also uncharacteristically passive, looks like he’s enjoying himself more than anything else.
Dulsissia regrets nothing.
-
Barthor is in heavy denial, Din wrinkles his nose and Corin is incredibly oblivious as Paz and Raga keep inching their way closer to what they both dream about having. They push things as far as they can go and then some, before one of them finally dares to cross the line...
Sitting next to each other on the stairs behind the big battle arena, Paz and Raga had decided to sneak outside the building instead of staying with the others to watch the final game. Usually they both live and breathe for such big fights, but for some reason it seemed more tempting to sneak off like this.
They sit in this dark back-alley, her shoulder bumping lightly against his upper arm, talking.
It’s silly. They see each other every day, they talk every day, and yet they struggle to look at the other right now. Words tumble a little awkwardly. Hearts thump hard.
Then there is a huge cheer from the crowd inside the arena and Paz looks over at Raga. She looks back over at him, and after a moment of hesitation, he cautiously leans towards her.
Raga’s eyes light up. Oh. But just as she lifts her chin a little to meet him, giving him an unspoken invite, Paz abruptly loses his courage and quickly withdraws to stare down at the ground again.
Raga exhales, disappointed. Suddenly her eyes flare with angry annoyance and she thumps her shoulder against his arm, and when he looks at her, she quickly leans over and presses a brief, hard kiss to his lips. After that, she’s the one to turn to stare at the ground while heat burns in her face.
Stunned, Paz stares at her. He stares for what feels like a small eternity, then he slowly reaches out his hand, touches by her jawline and eases her into facing him again. And that is when he finally has the courage to lean over, his fingers still resting on her skin, and ever so softly touches his lips to hers.
It’s a gentle, trying thing. Raga draws a shivering breath, her lips trembling a little as well but soon they move to meet his as he cautiously coaxes a response from her.
After a little while, Paz pulls back and scans her face for her response.
Raga grins.
That makes him smile as well.
-
Dulsissia is obnoxiously pleased. Declaring herself the matchmaking champion.
Davarax only regrets not stopping her when stolen kisses in secret between the two becomes public make-out sessions. Truth be told, he wouldn’t have minded if had taken yeeeaars before he had to see that.
But he draws the line of having to watch it in their house. Entering the living room and finding them at it again, Davarax kicks at the sofa, making them jump apart. “Tongues in separate mouths when I’m around. Not negotiable.”
Paz flushes deep red. Raga glares.
And Dulsissia wonders who she can match up next...
-
While Dulsissia’s stop on Seswenna had resulted in them having a nice amount of credits to use on their family, Davarax knows they won’t last forever and he’s too used to support his family to stop, so he takes on the occasional job. And it’s easier now than before Dulsissia came into his life.
It’s strange not be be constantly exhausted. It’s even stranger not to have nightmares any more but wake up in the mornings with a sigh of satisfaction or even a smile on his face.
His favourite jobs are the ones where Dulsissia joins him. She’s come far from the helpless beauty he’d met what feels like a lifetime ago. Now she’s a deadly beauty. And the sight of her in Mandalorian armor is the best bonus he’s ever gotten on a job.
This is an easy contract. Just head up to a damaged cargo ship floating just above the planet, pick up the shipment and bring it to the owner on the surface. It’s the rumours of pirates in the area that makes them want to hire a couple of Mandalorians.
The ship is where it’s supposed to be, there are no signs of pirates, and Davarax does the mistake of thinking this mission will go without a hitch. He and Dulsissia board the ship and walk towards the cargo hold to secure their target.
It is years of experience combined with quick reflexes that saves Davarax’ life when something drops from the ceiling in the hallway. He jolts backwards and sparks fly as something sharp slides across his breastplate. Davarax tries to lift his blaster to fire at his attacker, but a boot kicks his arm and the shot goes wide.
It becomes a wild dance of attacks launched at him, sparks flying again and again when his armor takes the brunt, and he frantically back-pedals to stay alive. A streak of yellow spins in front of him and Davarax gets his arm up just in time for the vibro blade to impale it instead of his throat. The pain rages through him and instinct makes Davarax turn to the best weapon he has in such a close encounter; a harsh kov’nyn.
His opponent collapses while he stumbles backwards and clutches his arm. The blade is still vibrating and sending waves of agony through him while tearing more of his flesh. He yanks it out, fighting back the intense urge to scream with pain, unable to respond right away despite hearing Dulsissia calling out his name in fear.
Once his eyes clears again, Davarax realizes Dulsissia is by his side and trying to make him let her look at his arm and he sees the crumpled shape on the floor.
A skinny Twi’lek youth around Raga’s age. Her skin under layers of dirt looks to be pale yellow, her clothes are rags and even unconscious she looks angry.
Well, that was unexpected.
“She’s just a kid.” Dulsissia whispers with quiet disbelief, wrapping his arm.
“I was too busy trying to keep her from cutting my throat to notice.” Davarax rumbles, twitching slightly when Dulsissia tightens the bandage. His heart softens. “I wonder what her story is...”
Her name is Zev’sonya and she’s anything but friendly. Sure, his own kids have a habit of baring their teeth every once in a while, even at him, but this one? She’s outright hostile and extremely dangerous. And while his kids’ trust in others has been severely damaged, hers is non-existent. Whatever her story might be, she’s not telling them anything beyond her being on her own.
Davarax has absolutely no idea how Dulsissia manages to persuade the girl to come with them.
It takes over a standard week to make her stop trying to kill and rob them. A lot longer for her to actually trust them, especially Davarax.
-
Zev’sonya and Raga end up in a fist-fight two minutes after the initial introduction. Paz watches her with some cautiousness but he’s not unfriendly. Barthor avoids her like the plague. Corin is terrified of her and claims she keeps stealing the blades in the house. (Dulsissia knows he’s right as she keeps retrieving them from the twi’lek’s room.)
The only one she instantly connects with is Din, who seems to share her way of communicating in as few words as possible and have no fear of her scowls.
-
They renew their rent on the house and Davarax recruits Din to help build a couple of sheds and do some repairs on it.
After a scorchingly hot day, emerging from the refresher room, Dulsissia saunters over to the big bed in their room where Davarax is reading something on his datapad. She crawls into the bed and rolls over to face him with a dramatic sigh. “Dav? Cyare?”
“Mmh?” He replies, not looking up from his datapad.
“I’m hungry…”
Davarax lowers the datapad and reaches out to run his hand gently over her hair. “What are you in the mood for?”
“There’s leftovers from dinner...”
She rarely asks him to bring her things because she knows he will stop whatever he’s doing and get it and she doesn’t want to abuse that kindness. But this is a special occasion. After he’s padded out of the room, she slides the medical scanner out of her pocket and places it on his side of the bed.
A few minutes later, Davarax comes back with two plates. “Food for my love. And I brought some sweets for dessert too. Might as well make it a proper meal when we’re dining in bed.” He hands her one of the plates with flourish.
She leans up and gives him a kiss, which he is very pleased to accept, and waits as he circles the bed to get in on his side.
Davarax frowns a little when he sees something in his way, reaches down and picks it up so he can settle in his spot again. “This yours?” He holds it out to her.
Sighing, Dulsissia fails to hold back a smile. “Look at it.”
He studies the device but the numbers on the screen doesn’t make sense to him. Davarax glances over at her again, now a little worried. “A medical scanner? You’re not sick, are you?”
She shakes her head, losing the battle against a bubbling laugh. “No. Look at it, silly.”
Davarax looks again. “I’m looking, but what am I supposed to…” Finally the information on the screen makes sense to him and what it means. His gaze snaps back at her. The plate in his other hand is completely forgotten. “Y-you’re…? Are you…?”
Taking a bite of her food, Dulsissia nods and her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. “I’m pregnant.” It’s almost funny how happy she is with this fact. After Corin was born, the mere thought of having another baby offended Dulsissia after she had come to realize that was the only reason why Macero wanted her. But that was in the past. Things are so very different now.
Davarax nearly drops his plate, only his quick reflexes prevents him from spilling it all over the bed. He cautiously, but as quickly as possible, places his plate on the night-stand so he can hold on to the medical scanner with both hands, reading the information once again. “You… You’re sure?”
“You’re looking at the evidence, mister. I scanned ten minutes ago.” She takes another bite, endlessly amused by the whirlwind of emotions visibly rushing through him. He keeps wobbling back and forth between intense happiness, paralysing fear and blind excitement. It is so painfully sweet to see how much he wants this. “Breathe, baby.” Dulsissia advices.
Davarax gulps down some air, then puts the scanner aside and turns all of his focus on her. “Are… are you okay? Do you need me to do anything? What do I do?”
Laughing a little, even more charmed by him being so uncharacteristically clumsy and helpless, Dulsissia glances over at him. “I thought Mandalorians were experts on children. They didn’t teach you about how this is going to work?”
Davarax hesitates and then he reaches out and touches her hand. “Sort of, but all I care about is what you need me to do. Weapons and flowers, remember?”
Dulsissia feels the usual wave of warmth and adoration when Davarax is his sweet self and she curls her fingers around his. “I remember. And we’ll work this out as well.”
That seems to reassure him and his shoulders relaxes a little. Enough so that she lets go of his hand and goes back to eating. Maybe it is just knowing she’s pregnant again that makes her so hungry, but at least it is a very valid excuse to indulge.
Davarax is silent. Too silent.
After a while, Dulsissia has to laugh again as she realizes what he’s doing. He’s staring at her stomach. “There is nothing noticeable going on there quite yet. It’s too early. You’re going to have to be patient for a while before things get exciting for you.”
Davarax gives a tiny shake of his head. “This is already one of the most exciting things I’ve ever been a part of.” He looks like he’s about to say something more but loses courage.
“What?” Dulsissia asks, taking another bite of her food.
“Can I…?” He lifts his hand a little in a mute request.
Stars above, she loves this man more than she thought was possible. Dulsissia lets out a soft laugh. “There’s nothing much to feel right now, like I said, but… if you want to, go ahead.”
Davarax inches closer, reaches out further and cautiously places his hand on her stomach, below her bellybutton. His hand is warm and so very careful and lingers there for a while. “Hey, you…” Davarax eventually says in a quiet voice, a little strained with emotion. “Welcome to the family.”
Dulsissia doesn’t make a sound as the first tears trail from her eyes, overwhelmed by how right this feels, how much she loves him and their unborn child and their beautiful family. This time, she knows, this time everything will be perfect.
-
When Dulsissia tells him, Corin is incredibly excited to become a big brother. Paz declares he’s mighty pleased their clan is growing, sounding like the adult he now looks like despite still not having enough years on his back to deserve that title in Dulsissia’s eyes, and the other Mandalorian youngsters eagerly agree with him. Davarax looks a little awkward when they start talking about how they can create a Covert of their own at the pace their clan is growing.
Half an eternity later, when the evening comes where she feels the first barely noticeable change, Dulsissia calls Davarax over and slides his hand over her stomach. She feels him shiver and he looks at her with breathless awe. She has to laugh and then kisses that look off his face.
A little over six standard weeks after that, Davarax feels the first curving before she notices herself, on a sleepy morning when he, as usual, runs his hand over her stomach.
Corin and the other boys hover near her with innocent curiosity and watch the development with bright fascination, while Raga and Zev’sonya stay a little more in the back and observe with cautious interest.
When Dulsissia really starts showing, that is the point where Davarax’ self-control starts slipping. He has tried his hardest to act normal, yet now he becomes downright clingy. Others might have gotten a bit annoyed with the man’s behaviour, but Dulsissia knows the sadness of going through this with someone who doesn’t care, who can’t even bother to be there, so she happily suffers through his tactile presence.
Dulsissia even has to hide tears one evening when he inches close, runs his hand over her stomach yet again and softly hums a Mandalorian lullaby to their restless child.
Then she gets even bigger and Dulsissia realizes she’d forgotten this part. She gets grouchy, her feet aches, her back aches, everything aches, she has to pee all the time, she can barely get up if she does the mistake of sitting down, she can’t sleep like she wants to, and Dulsissia decides the thought of delivering the child isn’t all that bad if she can just get back to normal, please!
It is all worth it when the time comes after seven hours of hard work and sweet, sweet pain killers, and Dulsissia gets to meet her daughter as she’s placed in her arms.
She is absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way and so very, very loved!
Looking up at Davarax by her side, Dulsissia is both crying and laughing at once. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
Davarax, pale as a sheet, nods with a look of awe on his face.
Allowing herself another moment of holding their child, admiring her, kissing her, Dulsissia makes herself look up at Davarax again. “You want to hold her?”
To her surprise, he hesitates and looks like he’s about to take a step away. Catching himself, Davarax remains where he is and tries to remember how to speak. “I… Are you sure?”
Laughing a little, Dulsissia is far too exhausted to untangle the mystery of his mind at the moment. “Of course I’m sure. She’s your daughter too.”
“It’s just…” Davarax reaches out a cautious hand only to withdraw it before he can actually touch the wailing baby. “I don’t know how. I mean, I don’t want to hurt her. I-I’ve never held a baby before. She’s so tiny, Dulcy.”
“She’s tougher than you think.” Dulsissia replies, then turns a little to make it easier for him to pick up the baby. “Support her head, careful with the neck, like that, yeah… Perfect.” She leans back, exhausted and strangely enough a bit hungry, but for the time being she is satisfied to just take in the sight of her husband and their child connecting.
“Hello, ik’aad.” Davarax looks nervous, awkward and absolutely devastated by the intense adoration he feels for the still screaming bundle in his arms. The baby really do look tiny in his embrace, fragile even, but that doesn’t prevent her from aimlessly raising her tiny fist in what looks to be a threat.
Mandokarla from the birth.
Dulsissia sees how tears well up in Davarax’ eyes and he leans down to place a feather-light kiss on the baby’s head.
-
Corin is staring wide-eyed at the baby and eagerly reaches out when his mother eases her over into his arms.
“Say hello to your new sister.” Dulsissia says in a quiet voice, hoping not to wake the sleeping baby.
Din hovers over Corin’s right shoulder and reaches out to ever so gently run his fingers over the dark tufts of hair on her head. “She’s cute.”
“So tiny…” Paz observes, hovering over Corin’s left shoulder, sounding a bit worried.
“She’ll get bigger, idiot.” Barthor mutters, tilting his helmet as he studies the baby too.
“Are… are you okay?” Raga asks Dulsissia while the boys block the view to the new arrival.
Smiling, reaching out a hand and curling her fingers around Raga’s when she takes it, Dulsissia gives her a reassuring nod. “I’m fine, baby. Corin gave me a lot more trouble than this one.”
Corin blinks and looks up to focus on her for a moment. “I did?”
Dulsissia nods. “Yeah, you were not inclined to come out to greet the world. It took over two days to persuade you.”
“Two days?” Raga blurts out, with no small amount of horror.
“It sounds worse than it was.” Dulsissia reassures her. “Without the pain meds I’m sure it would have been a nightmare, but with them, it’s mostly just uncomfortable and boring.”
“Two days and you still decided to have another child?” Davarax asks from where he is hovering in the background.
“Well, yeah.” Dulsissia shrugs. The amount of joy her son has given her was well worth it. And without him she would never have broken free from her golden cage, so, no, she had not hesitated to do it all over again. Her daughter is already worth it too. “Zev. Baby. Come say hello. Don’t just hide over there.” She waves the Twi’lek over and fails to see everyone there stare at her with the kind of awe saved for the most impressive of Mandalorian warriors.
They call the baby Nemi.
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pl-panda · 4 years
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The vines that bind us - Chapter 5
Chapter 1 || Previous || NEXT
“Yes.” Riddler seethed. “And I really don’t like it when someone uses mine in their ridiculous stories. Now, which of you can tell me where I can find Lila Rossi?”
Some cruel part of Mari wanted to laugh. Leave it to Lila’s lies to get the attention of one of the Rogues of Gotham. And Riddler of all people. That guy had an ego the size of Amusement Mile. He would definitely not take kindly to anyone telling tales about outsmarting him. 
The kinder part, which was domineering, worried about her classmates. Edward Nygma was an unpredictable sociopath. Her mother always warned her against him. Gotham underworld could’ve been separated into three categories: Criminals, Goal-oriented, and Madmen. The first ones were usually greedy mobsters and thieves, such as Catwoman, uncle Floyd or Penguin. They were in it for profit or thrill and could easily be reasoned with. Poison Ivy often dealt with criminals when she needed something. The second category were those who had a goal and would stop at nothing to achieve it. Marigold’s mother was one of them, as were uncles Slade and Doctor Fries. The last category contained the worst part of Gotham’s underworld like Joker, Scarecrow, or Riddler, who cared only about carnage and chaos. She was always warned to stay away from them because they had no respect for anyone or anything and she would run at the risk of great harm. 
Riddler ordered his people to spread through the room. Mari counted at least two dozen. It was bad. The employees were gathered into smaller groups guarded by three mooks. The guns were ready to fire. She really wished there was at least some flower in a glass. She could feel Tikki shifting under her suit. One look at Adrien told her Plagg was similar. The kwamis were worried for their holders. Chloe was the only one calm. She sat there with crossed legs and did her nails. Her steel nerves were incredible. Or would be if it did not attract Riddler.
“You!” He pointed his cane at the blonde. “Riddle me this. What happens to a small stone when it works ups some courage?”
“Wait. You’re speaking to me?” The girl asked. Riddler was a little baffled, but the cane was still pointing right at her. “Ridiculous! Utterly Ridiculous!” Chloe stared at the criminal. “If you think I have time to play some stupid trivia game… I mean seriously? Stones are dead. They can’t have courage.”
Mari facepalmed loudly. Leave it to Chloe to try and antagonize a madman with a gun pointed at her. 
“Tsk tsk tsk. Wrong answer.” Riddler tried to press some button on the grip, but there was only dull sound. “What in the world?”
“Wait! I… I know where to find Lila Rossi!” Mari shouted, hoping to get Riddler’s attention away from Chloe before he managed to repair the gun. The class started to give her murderous glares. Adrien looked at her curiously.
“Oh! Do tell!” The criminal turned to her. When he hit the cane into the ground there was a loud sound of a gunshot that made everyone jump. The ground was now smoking. “Useless junk!”
“She is still in her office! I can lead you to her if you let my friends go.” 
“Ha! Do you think me a fool? As if…”
“A little boulder.” Mari interrupted him. 
“Oh. So you are smart. What about this: The person who makes it has no need of it; the person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it?”
“A coffin,” Mari said with a bit of hesitation sneaking into her voice. Why in the world was she trying to save Lila again?
“Good.” Riddler looked at her for a moment. “Fine. I will go with you. But if you try to deceive me…”
“Coffin?” Mari asked with a smile. Riddler frowned so she quickly returned to the scared expression. 
The villain motioned for eight of his men to follow him and led Mari to the elevator. She was constantly at the gunpoint. Mari had to think quickly. She could try to lose them at the one fo the office levels or… she knew for certain where to find two living plants in the building. With a shaking hand, she pressed the top button. When Nygma gave her a raised eyebrow she shrugged.
“You must’ve heard about her dating youngest Mr. Wayne.” Mari lied swiftly. 
“There was something about it on that cursed blog.” He mumbled. 
-----------------------------
Slowly, the machine went up. The tensions were high and Mari for a moment wondered if revealing her heritage would be enough to scare them. Ultimately, she decided to keep it as an additional shock when they got to the office. She really hoped Mr. Drake would be kind enough to hide under his bulletproof desk and not fire her when he learned who her mother was. Oh well, it’s not like she needed that job too much. 
The elevator paused one level below their destination, but the doors did not open and it refused to go higher. Her tablet started to beep. With all the stress, she forgot she had it on her the whole time.
“What’s the meaning of this?”
Slowly, she opened the tablet. An icon was blinking at her. When she pressed it, a video of them in the elevator popped up. 
A large number of people without authorization in the elevator. Do you approve? Yes No
She pressed yes and the elevator started moving. She should really get some manuals for this thing. When the doors opened, she looked around. It was time for the show. She strode to the doors leading to Mr. Drake’s office. The Riddler and his mooks followed her. She pushed the doors open and immediately screamed.
“Get down!”
Rolling to the side, she pushed her powers to the limit, allowing the plants to seep her energy and grow. Vines shot from the pots and quickly grabbed the guns. Riddler, seething with anger, aimed his cane, but another vine grabbed it and ripped it out of his hand. The three strongest henchmen managed to hold onto their guns and started firing, but Mari was already safe behind the bulletproof desk. Good thing it was mentioned in the notes she inherited from Sarah.
She heard a loud cracking sound and felt that one of the plants just lost their pot. She silently promised it a more comfortable one and thanked for the sacrifice. Her green skin was now in full view. Accidentally, she pressed something on the tablet and now it showed the image from the lobby. She could see that the remaining henchmen were firing at something outside. The muzzles of their guns were flashing. Angry, Mari grabbed one of the drawers and ripped it from the desk. She leaned out from behind her cover and tossed it with full force. The projectile sailed through the air spinning before hitting the middle henchman in the center of his face. He fell down firing the gun all around the place. She could definitely hear something fragile breaking. Oh well. As long as she’s not the one paying…
The vines knocked out all but one henchman who was slowly backing away toward the elevator while firing at whatever plant got close. Riddler was now hanging by his ankles and wildly flailing his hands. The video of the elevator showed he was now there and resting. He thought her friends wouldn’t reach him. How cute!
Mari walked away from her cover and slowly approached the elevator. She heard the fashion disaster grasp when he saw her in her true form, but paid him no mind for now. She only had the vines gag him. The girl pulled the ninjato from its hiding place and smiled. When she pressed the elevator button, the criminal aimed his gun at her. She quickly leaned to the side while hitting the rifle with the palm of her hand. At the same time, she stabbed him in the leg with the sword. While he was screaming in pain she could easily rip the gun from him and then hit him with it, knocking him out. 
The bluenette looked at the gun with disgust. Clenching her hand, she crushed the barrel before dropping it on the floor and approaching Riddler. The plants turned him around and restrained his arms.
“You! You tricked me!” He shouted as soon as his mouth was uncovered.
“Yes.” Marigold smiled sweetly. “Is that a problem?”
“You… Oh no no no! That won’t do! I can stand being outsmarted by Batman. I will not be defeated by some schoolgirl with feeble meta-powers playing Poison-Iy look-alike. For a moment I thought you were her.”
“Look-alike?” the girl asked. “I don’t look that… Just because I have green skin I’m suddenly Poison Ivy look-alike?” She shouted at riddler.
“The hair is wrong, but otherwise your face is very similar.”
“What?” Not believing him, Mari walked over to where she left her tablet and looked. True, her face changed a bit. She still had some of her qualities that easily marked her as Marinette, but her face was no longer that round, instead taking a more oval shape. Her nose was now smaller and lips fuller. She really looked more similar to her mother. And yeah, the green skin made it obvious.
“You’re done preening yourself?” 
“Sure. Now let’s go back to the fact you attacked my friends and made my first day at work even worse!” Her steel gaze rested on Riddler, who felt very uneasy. The vines squeezed his wrists and ankles a bit.
Gulp! “On second thought, I have nothing against preening. The look is important after all…”
“Said the guy with Hawaiian shirt under a suit.” Mari deadpanned. “I don’t have time for this.” She asked one of the vines to smack him in his head, swiftly knocking the supervillain out. With that out of the way, she walked over to the plants and thanked each of them individually. She gently picked the one with a smashed pot and placed it with the other one. 
“Now can you behave for one night? I promise I will get both of you better pots tomorrow.” Mari giggled when both of them hugged her with their leaves. Tikki floated out of her pocket. 
“Marigold! I was so worried! They were armed and you were not Ladybug! There would be no cure if something happened!” 
“Don’t worry Tikki. I had a plan. Mostly…” She looked around the devastated office and her equally devastated workplace. 
“But now your boss will know your secret!” 
“You know what?” Mari smiled. “I don’t care. I’m Marigold Isley and this is Gotham, not Paris.”
“But the word will get out!”
“It will anyway since I’m going to search for my mother Tikki.” The girl tried to calm the frantic mini-goddess.
“Fine.” Bug-like spirit huffed before zipping around the room, passing through the head of each and every henchman, ending her trip with Riddler. “There! They will remember how you took them all down with some martial arts.” 
“You’re the best Tikki!” Mari hugged her Kwami to her cheek. The mini-god nuzzled affectionately. 
Marigold willed the green to disappear from her skin and have the hair return to normal. Eyes were always the hardest, but she got the green under some control. Quickly checking the video feed from the lobby, she saw that there was no more firing, but Police did not yet enter. They must’ve been waiting for the bat. 
Looking around, she finally realized that her boss was nowhere to be seen. Strange. She could’ve sworn he was still in his office when she left. While possible that he left shortly after, he would’ve been in the lobby and he wasn’t. The other option was that he went straight to the garage, which was possible. After all, the CEO ought to have some luxurious car. Yeah, that’s probably right. 
She pulled her phone and typed 911. Time to get some professional help. 
“Nine one one, what’s your emergency?”
“Hi! I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I’m on the top floor of Wayne Enterprises with a knocked out Riddler and some of his men. If you could please connect me to whoever is leading the negotiations?”
“Madame, this is not a joking matter.” The voice in her phone scolded her.
“Do you believe I’m joking? I’m standing here with a bloodied ninjato and eight men unconscious men plus Edward Nygma who decided to become a fashion disaster since I’ve last seen him.” Marigold answered in a harsher tone. “Today I had one of the most stressful days of my life. First, instead of being an intern I suddenly got hired as a Personal Assistant, then I had to explain to Lex freaking Luthor that I’m not a doormat. If that was not enough, I’m stuck in this job for six! Months! Add to that, because of some mistake in communication Damian Wayne decided to attack me with ninjato. After that Security was really unhelpful. I finish my first day of work only to have Riddler parade into the building just as we were to leave. And I had to improvise because he was about to shoot my friend who, while I love her, needs to learn to shut her mouth sometimes!” Mari shouted, putting all of her frustration and withheld anger into it.
“I’m sorry madame. I will check what I can…”
“You can connect me to whoever leads the police downstairs or I can toss them Riddler from the top of Wayne Tower.” Mari was honestly done. She would do it. Chloe said it herself that it was a tall building. 
“Listen here you little…” Whoever she was speaking to was suddenly cut off and she heard a different voice.
“Gordon here. Who’s that.”
“Are you the police officer in charge down there?”
“What you mean down there? I thought we managed to evacuate everyone from the upper floors!”
“Oh. Good. I was worried about how many people he actually held hostage. I’m on the top floor with a knocked out riddler and some of his men. I don’t exactly have anything to tie them up with…”
“How exactly did you end up up there!” The man asked. “Is batman with you?”
“He was about to shoot one of my friends so I lied to him and got him to follow me to the elevator. I used a moment when he was distracted to take him out.”
“Madame. I really hope it’s not some joke.”
“I…” She wanted to speak, but there was some static on the other side of the line
“Miss Dupain-Cheng. This is Batman.” For a moment she was unsure how to answer. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah. I’m okay.”
“I need you to try and tie the men you got up there. They will probably regain consciousness soon. Do you have zip-ties or at duct tape in your office?”
“Not that I’m aware. It’s my first day. Oh! I can use their jackets!”
“Do that. Riddler’s men downstairs are unaware of what happened with you. If they get wind of their boss being defeated, we don’t know what will happen.”
“Rodger that.” She proceeded to tie them up until Riddler was the one now having his hands bound by the suit he wore. His were tied with really strong vines. She would not risk anything. “Batman? are you there?” Mari asked to her phone. 
“Yes.” Came after a moment. “Are all of them tied?”
“Yes. I used the destroyed plant for Riddler. I thought we could benefit from him still wearing his suit somehow.”
“I sent Robin your way, Miss. He will be coming through the vents. Please try not to attack him on sight.” Batman said in a tired voice. She suspected there was a story behind it, but she was too tired to care. Awkwardly, she took a seat in her chair, which now had several bullet holes but was still mostly comfortable. The waiting was killing her. She was all alone in a room full of downed henchmen.
“Um… So how is your day Batman?” She asked, wanting to break the silence. 
“...” There was no answer at first. “It was mostly fine until Nygma showed up.” More silence. “I heard from Nightwing that he would have a hilarious story to tell once he got home. I’m not sure if I should already be worried or not.”
A smile forced its way onto Marigold’s face. She suddenly thought about Batman sitting in the middle of a room with the other members of Batfam running around playing tag. She did it once with Allegra and Claude when their parents had their get-togethers. 
A sound in the vent broke her out of reminiscing. She added two more names to the list of people she would have to track now that she was in Gotham. She picked the sword and slowly walked toward the vent. Batman warned her that Robin was coming, but one couldn’t be too cautious. 
A boy close to her age appeared. He was wearing a horrendous traffic light suit. At least his cloak was black on the outside and had a hood. The outfit first Robin wore was an even bigger disaster, so there was some progress. Maybe in ten Robins, she would actually be able to not be embarrassed to be seen in their presence. 
“Miss. Please don’t point the ninjato at me.” He asked when he stood up. 
“Sure. I didn’t want to get any surprises. What now?”
“Police is monitoring the situation downstairs. They wanted to enter with full force, but with so many hostages we’re afraid about casualties.” Robin spoke in a very formal tone. Too formal for her liking.
“I have the monitoring on my tablet.” She walked to the desk and showed him the feed. “I count fourteen hostiles. They are in six groups with two to three guns each.”
“I don’t need a lesson in tactics.” The vigilante got angry.
“And about motive? One of the interns posted a video about another intern helping you guys take Riddler down. He really didn’t like it. I’m plenty certain he came to kill her in a very dramatic way.”
“That… complicates things.” Came Batman’s voice. She forgot he was still on the line.
“Miss. Do you know who is the intern he is after?” The police officer asked.
“Lila Rossi. She is one of my classmates. She is the one that is now surrounded by a crowd of young people comforting her while she is crying crocodile tears.” Mari showed her at the screen to robin. “I got Riddler to come up here under the pretense of leading him to her. The floor would be mostly empty and my boss has a bulletproof desk.”
“Tt. And what exactly was that supposed to achieve?” Robin stared at her.
“Gee! I don’t know. Maybe he would no longer be pointing his gun at my best friend!?” She looked at him. “Not everyone carries Kevlar to work.”
“Robin!” Batman reprimanded him. 
“Fine.”
“We can’t give him what he wants, especially after you took him down, Miss,” Gordon spoke. “To be frank, I don’t see it ending any other way than a full-frontal assault. We have snipers in position and SWAT ready. They are only waiting for a green light.” A deep sigh made its way through the line. “I only regret how many lives it will put on the line.”
“What if we got some of them out?” An idea formed in Mari’s head.
“I don’t see it happening unless Riddler gives the command directly,” Gordon said in a solemn voice.
“Leave it to me.” Marigold was determined to save as many people as she could. She was so decking Lila for this situation.
The small girl stormed toward Riddler. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently. Slowly, he opened his eyes.
“What… You! You tricked me!”
“Yeah. Get used to it.” She picked her tablet and started recording. “You will give the command to your people to let half of the hostages go.”
“Riddle me…” Before he could finish, Marigold grabbed him by the laps of his jacket and dragged him toward the large window in Mr. Drake’s office. She dropped the criminal, picked the drawer, and smashed it into the window several times. There wasn’t even a scratch on the glass, but the drawer was now chipped in several places. She looked at it and shrugged.
“I’m out of patience today. You can either give the command or I will open the window with your face.”
“Miss! I can’t let…” Robin tried to intervene, but she pointed the drawer at him. 
“Shut up. I want this day to end.”
Since Riddler was still silent, she picked him by the scruff and was about to smash him. “Fine! Fine! Fine!” He shouted. “Bring me the walkie-talkie.” He pointed at one lying close.
“Do I look like an idiot to you? Record the message here.” 
“As you want.” He leaned closer to the tablet (or as close as she was willing to let him). “Let go of half the hostages.”
Mari stared at him unamused. She dropped him on the ground and walked to where the sword was dropped. After picking it she returned to where the villain was desperately trying to crawl away.
“Miss! Please cease it at once. We do not torture criminals!”
“No. You just pat them on their back and let them go.” She deadpanned and turned to Riddler.
“Really? Oh wow. That’s just cold.” She heard from the phone. A new voice joined Batman and Gordon.
“Wait!” Riddler squeaked. “Let go the number of hostages that would be half of seventy-five if half of five was three!” He shouted very loudly.
Mari nodded and handed the tablet to Robin. He already held a walkie-talkie. After he played the message, there was some ruffle on the other side, but Mari was too tired to care. The girl grabbed her tablet from Robin and opened the feed from the lobby. She saw some confused henchmen before one of them shrugged and started pushing people outside. When Marigold noted that Adrien and Chloe were among those who left the building she let the air out. Only then she realized that she was holding her breath.
“It worked! We got thirty-three out. That’s over half of them.” Gordon shouted ecstatic. “You are a hero miss! Branden! You’ve got your green light!” 
The girl had enough. She hanged up and pocketed her phone. Still holding the sword, she walked into the elevator. Mari didn’t press any buttons, but she leaned over the wall and started whistling a lullaby her mother used to sing her when she had a nightmare.
The memory of a soothing voice that carried her to sleep many times allowed her nerves to settle. She could feel adrenaline slowly leaving her body. The tension left her muscles one by one and she slowly slid to the ground. 
“Tt. It’s safe to go down.” Robin startled her. She immediately jumped and pointed the sword at him. The boy was clearly unamused by being threatened with a ninjato… again. Mari lowered her weapon and pressed the button that would take them to the lobby. 
-----------------
When the doors opened, Mari was quickly tackled by a missile that was a worried Chloe Bourgeoise. “Mari! What were you thinking!?”
“I don’t know… Maybe that you were about to get shot?”
“Oh… right…” That shut Chloe up easily enough. 
“Excuse me, Miss Marinette?” An older man in a brown trench coat asked. He had a neatly cut beard and graying hair. “Commissioner Gordon. We spoke on the phone.” He extended a hand
“Ah. Yes. Thank you for trusting me.” Mari nodded and took the offered handshake.
“If not for you, casualties would definitely be higher.”
“Higher…” Mari repeated weakly.
“Oh! Um… Yes. I’m sorry, Miss. Some of our men got shot in the gunfight.”
“Will…” 
“There are also… Damn.” he rubbed the back of his neck.
“How many?” She could feel her eyes tearing.
“Three civilians and four security guards...”
“Seven…” She gave a barely audible whisper.
“I know this must be hard, but…”
Marigold was no longer listening. She left the building and walked to where the class was gathered.
“I’m telling you! She must be working with that madman. You’ve seen how quickly he trusted her!” Lila was talking loudly.
“Rossi.” The girl said in an emotionless voice. Kim and Ivan wanted to stand in her way like usual, but she pushed through them without breaking a sweat. 
“Didn’t you cause enough drama…” Lila never got a chance to end that sentence, because Mari delivered a straight one strong enough to send her flying several feet back before she came crashing down. Blood pouring from her nose.
-----
NEXT
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thebibliomancer · 3 years
Text
Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #7-9
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November, 1984
BERSERKER!
The death of an Avenger! The X-Men’s greatest battle! And, introducing the all-new SPIDER-WOMAN!
The cover sure isn’t burying the lede. This comic sure does introduce an All-New (presumably All-Different) Spider-Woman! Jessica Drew, move over! For now. You’ll be the Spider-Woman that endures in the long run.
Last times on Secret Wars: Some amazingly powerful being from Beyond the universe called the Beyonder kidnaps a bunch of heroes, villains, shades thereof, and chunks of random planets to put on a big toy commercial where action figures can bonk off each other.
The X-Men ditched the other heroes to do their own thing, as they’re wont to do. The villains storm the hero base and drop a mountain on them. The heroes take refuge at a small village where Johnny Storm finds a new girlfriend but there’s also a Galactus.
Galactus starts preparing a device to eat Battleworld, which would let him win the toy commercial in one fell swoop.
Oh, and Wasp was kidnapped by Magneto, escaped, crashed her escape ship, found the Lizard, and then got lasered to death by the Wrecking Crew. It was a Bad Time and I am sad, even though we know Wasp will be okay by the time they get back from Battleworld.
This time: Further not burying the lede.
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The cover promised a new Spider-Woman and dammit, here’s one right away, first page. Truth in advertising!
Spider-Woman herself wastes no time introducing herself to everyone, that she comes from a chunk of Denver that got raptured by the Beyonder (still want that miniseries), that she came to help when she saw evidence of super fighting, and that she can pick up and throw large rocks so clearly she’d be able to help.
Captain America is hesitant about all this and Spider-Woman assumes that he thinks she’s a spy but as Captain America points out, why would Doom need to mess around with spies when he’s got so much power at his disposal.
Spider-Man is also hesitant at this new character. For different reasons.
Spider-Man: “She tossed that boulder as easily as I could have... at least! I wonder if she sticks to walls, too! And I wonder if I can sue her for infringing on my shticks! I should have gotten a patent or trademark or something...”
Cap tries to settle on the argument that a Secret War is too dangerous but Spider-Woman has the exceptional point “I suspect that it’s no less dangerous for the spectators, Captain America -- I might as well pitch in!”
And then the obvious toy pitch vehicle that the Wrecking Crew was driving in the swamp yesterday drives through the village blowing shit up, restarting the fires that the heroes just put out, and most insultingly of all, throwing Wasp van Dyne’s dead deceased corpse out the hatch before driving off.
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Those dicks.
The heroes rush to Wasp and take her to Zsaji. That cool lady tries to heal Wasp but Jan has no pulse and isn’t breathing and might be beyond Cura. This may take Phoenix Down.
But since she went and got herself disintegrated on the Moon, Wasp is clearly dead forever.
-Looks over at Avengers #243- Hush, you!
The assembled heroes want to rush Doombase and kick the shit out of the villains and specifically the Wrecking Crew but Captain America tells them no.
Captain America: “Now, listen to me -- ! While we’re off getting even, what if Galactus starts to use that world-eating machine he’s building up on that mountain? Then every living thing on this world -- including these innocent villagers and all those people from that suburb of Denver will die! We’ve got to stay right here, ready to attack him! We may have only seconds to react when it begins!”
She-Hulk storms off while the other heroes debate the Galactus situation.
I’m sure this is fine.
Meanwhile, on the more volcano-y side of the planet, Xavier orders Cyclops, Rogue, and Wolverine to pursue Doom’s Four villains Molecule Man, Titania, Absorbing Man, and Doctor Octopus to try to capture them before they can return to Doom.
Back over at Doombase, Titania sees that her “little Owie” has been badly hurt and begs Enchantress to help.
Volcana: “Enchantress! You’re a sorceress! You could use your magic to transport me to my Owen!”
Enchantress -busy getting drunk-: “Yes... but why would I, mortal?”
Volcana: “Well... because... because I need you to! I can’t fly a ship! I -- I don’t even have a driver’s license for a car! Ultron won’t help me -- ! He only takes orders from Doom!”
Enchantress: “It takes much energy to transport a body as bloated as yours! I cannot be bothered!”
Wow! You’re a dick!
Volcana catches a lot of fat jokes and she’s not depicted as looking any different from Standard Comic Book Body Type. But also, don’t fatshame at all, Enchantress.
Anyway, Volcana promises anything to Enchantress if she helps.
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Enchantress: “Rash words, mortal wench... and later, you shall deeply regret them!”
Its very handy for the villains that Volcana just showed up because their airship almost immediately gets show down by the X-Men. So even with Molecule Man out of commission, their numbers are back to Doom’s Four. And Volcana calls dibs on beating up Wolverine.
The X-Men have numbers but they’re not doing super well. Professor X is on the scene trying to be the field leader but the chaos of the battle and the villains’ minds being blocked by Enchantress’ magic makes it hard for him to coordinate.
Magneto even gets smack-talked by Absorbing Man.
Absorbing Man: “Tell me, Magneto. What’s scum like you doin’ hangin’ around with the X-Men? Sure, they’re outlaws -- but I thought you was big time! You got mass murder raps, manslaughter, terrorism, what else? Probably everything! You’re one of us! On second thought, a creampuff like you belongs with them losers!”
I can’t believe Magneto has to take that from a man who constantly carries a large metal orb with him everywhere.
Wolverine manages to slice off Absorbing Man’s arm, although the guy was made of rock at the time so it wasn’t as gory as it could have been.
Absorbing Man just. Picks up his arm and runs off to hit someone with it.
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Amazing.
The villains manage to pin down the heroes with some Volcana blast and then steal one of the X-Men’s ships and get away.
Professor X declares that this is Totally a victory.
Xavier: “We lost nothing, save one of our ships -- which matters little -- and we gained much! We coalesced as a fighting unit passing our greatest test to date and I think we proved ourselves -- beyond a doubt!”
Like, you had a scuffle with some villains that ended inconclusively even though you had the advantage of a sneak attack, the villains stole one of your ships, and there was no major damage to either side.
It was largely pointless. But I guess Xavier has a vested interest in declaring it a huge success since it was his inaugural go at being field commander.
Meanwhile, skulking around Galactus’ ship, DOOM complains about doing that.
Doom: “Doctor Doom - a burglar! Rummaging about in another being’s home, seeking to steal some priceless thing! Bah! What choice do I have? I need a key, a way -- ! My armor’s sensors have led me to prize after prize -- hundreds, thousands of devices which, in the hands of a man as brilliant as myself could provide power to conquer entire galaxies -- ! Yet, all of them combined are not enough to defeat Galactus -- let alone the Beyonder! There must be a way! Doom must be supreme!”
Unfortunately for Doom, despite the volcano distraction making Galactus sigh and have to spend time fixing the planet so he can eat it, he senses something amiss in his house and mentally yeets Doom back to Battleworld.
The villains return back to Doombase but Doctor Octopus can’t help Molecule Man because dammit he’s a nuclear physicist, not a medical doctor! Ultron tells Volcana that there are medical devices that could fix Molecule Man up nicely but since he doesn’t have any relevant orders from Doom, he’s just going to stand here and look pretty. And Enchantress says she could heal him with a wave of her hand but refuses to because Volcana already gave her a blank check.
Absorbing Man returns and reattaches his arm by basically hoping like hell it’ll just be better if he holds it in place when he reverts to skin flesh.
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And the Wrecking Crew have to throw the Lizard into a cell because he hasn’t stopped trying to eat their faces for killing Wasp, his new best friend.
The Wrecking Crew doesn’t get a chance to enjoy being back at base because She-Hulk has broken in and beats the crap out of them off-screen.
Titania comes in and starts fighting She-Hulk STARTING AN ENDURING RIVALRY.
Its fun how much got its start in Secret Wars.
The two fight more or less evenly from what I can tell but uh Doctor Octopus joins in as does the Absorbing Man and the Wrecking Crew once they catch their breath.
And She-Hulk is strong but this is a stomp.
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In another part of Doombase where the Enchantress is sitting in “sullen reverie” refusing to get involved in the fight she can here, instead thinking about how much she’s going to seduce the crap out of Thor.
Doom arrives at Himbase after being expelled from Galactus’ ship and refuses to explain anything to Enchantress. He just stumbles over to his sweet bed and collapses in it.
Doom: “It is over... Finished...”
Back over at Zsaji’s Village, the heroes realize that She-Hulk took off. Hawkeye figures that she went after the villains and asks to go after her.
Hawkeye: “She can’t take ‘em alone, Cap! She needs us!”
Huh! When the chips are down even though they fought, Clint and Jen sure are coworkers.
Hulk also asks to go after her since she’s his cousin. The acknowledgement of which is what I’ve been wanting all along.
But Cap tells them no.
Hulk: “I don’t suppose you’d consider putting it to a vote?”
Trying to appeal to his love of democracy. How wily.
Captain America: “My heart would vote ‘yes’ in a minute... Too many innocent lives are at stake here, though! Many more than the few people on this planet -- we’ve got a universe depending on what we do here! We can’t allow ourselves the luxury of making decisions with our hearts!”
But Cap receives a psychic skype from Professor X who tells him that the X-Men can take Galactus watching duty for a bit so run along and save your teammate, you scamp.
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Cap accepts.
Its fun how the tide of battle has shifted back and forth.
Now the heroes are largely fresh, having been sitting on their ass staring at Galactus, and the villains are bloodied from several fights with the X-Men and She-Hulk. Plus, their big gun Molecule Man got Wolverine’d.
But next issue is something so big that it overshadows basically everything else in Secret Wars.
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December, 1984
INVASION!
YEAH ITS VENOM
OR WILL BE
Also, a bunch of other stuff happens. The cover is kind of funny for maybe unintentionally presaging what would happen where the black costume being more remembered than everything else in Secret Wars in general but definitely this issue specifically.
There’s actually a lot of really cool stuff happening in this issue.
Cap(tain America)’s group of heroes storms Doom’s Doombase, lucking out that Doom is too stunned by being expelled from Galactus’ ship to attempt any kind of defense and nobody else on his team has the braincells to be watching out for an attack.
Enchantress hears the heroes breaking in but she’s well and truly drunk by this point.
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And bemoans her secret god meeting with Thor. That she was going to try to cast a spell on him to bend him to her will but is aware that she might have flipped good for him instead. And even now wonders what she’ll do if Thor shows up in front of her.
The villains still beating She-Hulk to her death hear the heroes breaking into the base and run off to ambush them, Doc Ock slamming She-Hulk against some wreckage as a coup de grace.
Wrecker gets the jump on Iron Man and Doc Ock dumps a convenient tank of water on Human Torch but Spider-Man jumps in and drops Bulldozer with one punch before he can pulp an extinguished Johnny.
The Thing tries fighting Absorbing Man but wouldn’t you know it, the Thing’s thingness fades at the worst time again, leaving him powerless.
Spider-Woman jumps in to save him.
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She didn’t get to really do much in her actual introductory issue, despite being on the cover and splash. She just kinda shows up and goes ‘i can definitely help!’
She makes a much better second impression this time. Almost like she’s aware that she needs to sell herself.
Spider-Woman: “A clean knockout -- ! Of the awesome Absorbing Man -- ! And it’s only the fifth time I’ve ever been in a fight! The new Spider-Woman wins again!”
Marvel really wants you to like this non-Jessica Drew.
Piledriver charges Hawkeye, mocking him for missing with his arrows and gloating that arrows are useless to a guy who’s immune to bullets.
Piledriver: “Hawkeye the Archer! Hah! Boy you gonna need Hawkeye the M.A.S.H. doctor in a minute -- ‘cause I reckon this good ol’ boy is gonna ‘mash’ you!”
Good one, Piledriver. Good banter.
Hawkeye: “Those shots were just warnings, dummy! I don’t want to have to hit you! From my bow, at this range, an arrow hits a lot harder than any bullet! Back off... please...”
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We did learn in the Hawkeye mini that Hawkeye’s bow has a ridiculous draw strength.
This is a pretty good Hawkeye moment people don’t really point to a lot.
Also, I do love when an invincible or durable person who isn’t used to getting hurt gets hurt once and goes ‘NOPE! I DO NOT CARE FOR THIS!’
Hulk busts into Enchantress’ drinking room and unfortunately falls for her “I am but a helpless female!” routine. She gets all up in his business, magically puts him to sleep, and then pours herself another drink.
It could have been a good day for Enchantress if Captain America hadn’t come in right after.
Captain America: “What have you done to the Hulk?”
Enchantress: “For the moment, he is merely asleep. Doubtless dreaming dreams of me! But, alas, he can never truly have me, for I am yours, my handsome captain! Am I not beautiful? Come to me...”
Points for audacity but Captain America is a champion of not thinking with his dick. Blah blah willpower is legendary, socked Prometheus in the noggin. You get it.
Anyway, he socks Enchantress in the noggin with his shield and knocks her out.
Hawkeye and unthinged Ben try to find the rest of the heroes but run into Klaw and Lizard, who Klaw let out of his cell because he didn’t like to see anyone imprisoned but also because he liked the way Lizard talks. What an audiophile.
Ben Grimm: “Uh... any ideas, Hawk?”
Hawkeye: “Well... I guess we’ll have to outwit ‘em!”
Ben Grimm: “Us?!”
Hah.
Thor, Iron Man, Spider-Woman, and Mr Fantastic find Volcana and Molecule Man.
Iron Man makes the dubious tactical decision to charge right into Volcana’s plasma burst and burns out his armor.
Mr Fantastic pulls him out of the way and the other heroes try to get through Molecule Man’s fused air molecules invisible shield. They fail until Captain Marvel just lightbeams right through it. Because its transparent.
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Love it. Love that her power works like that. Because it should.
Captain Marvel grabbing Molecule Man pulls open his Wolverine wounds and he passes out. Volcana surrenders to spare her boyfriend more pain.
Not that Monica intended that or knew he was wounded. This is still early Monica before Nextwave hardened her outlook. This is the Monica who was horrified when Blackout and Moonstone got pulled through a singularity.
Titania tried to drop a forty-ton beam on the heroes’ heads but is interrupted by Spider-Man thanks to his spectacular spider-sense.
She out-muscles him by a lot but she can’t actually lay a hit on him because he’s got superior spider agility. Maybe if she had more experience it’d be different but she’s basically in the angry flailing stage of her skill tree so far.
Spidey brags “With a little room to operate, no one can lay a glove on me -- not the X-Men, not the Absorbing Man, and not you!”
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Titania: “When I get you I’ll -- AGGH!”
Spider-Man: “All you’re going to get is frustrated... and, eventually, trashed!”
Titania: “No! It’s not fair! *UHH!*”
Spider-Man: “But, if we were fighting in a broom closet, that’d be fair, right?”
Titania: “Stop it! Stop it! Stop -- !”
Spider-Man: “You ought to be happy, cuddles! You aspired to be a bully, and, man, you’re a classic! You talk tough and nasty when you’ve got the upper hand -- but when you’re losing -- well, that’s when the whining little wimp-ette inside comes spilling out!”
And then he defenestrates her without a window.
Fun fact: she apparently developed a Spider-Man phobia from this.
Understandably.
Y’know, in terms of embarrassing and traumatizing people, Spider-Man is having a good run in this story.
Captain American and Human Torch find a passed out Piledriver who fainted from blood loss after staggering away. And they find Ultron, standing between them and Doom.
Ultron is an Avengers-tier stomper who takes down entire teams and there’s just two heroes who coincidentally were both portrayed by Chris Evans. And the Human Torch’s fire is ineffective as Ultron gloats.
Ultron: “The core of the hottest star could not melt my adamantium body, human! Nothing can harm me! I am invincible! I am mechanically precise and computer-swift! I am perfect!”
When Ultron grapples Human Torch and starts throttling him, Cap tells him to use his nova-flame. Then hides behind his shield.
The flame melts a good portion of the room and the air being superheated somehow doesn’t make Cap crispy. And when the nova flare of the nova flame fades, Ultron’s chassis is still intact.
But the heat damaged something inside and Ultron is down. Johnny is also down, spent from the nova.
I like that the Fantastic Four would have their own way to deal with Ultron should that ever come up. Has it? You’d think it would.
Captain America proceeds to Doom alone but Doom is non-responsive from being Galactus’d.
And Reed, Spider-Man, and Hulk finds Hawkeye and Ben Grimm, where they have outwitted Klaw and Lizard.
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Lizard: “Disssturb our gamess-s and the Lizard will dessstroy you! Once we finissh, we will do as you s-ssay!”
Well, whatever works!
With the fighting done, Captain Marvel finds She-Hulk, barely alive. The heroes jam her into a healing tube saving her in the nick of time.
The heroes also jam the villains into healing tubes because they’re heroes and are nice like that.
Considering the heroes were fighting to take prisoners and the villains very much weren’t, it’s lucky that the heroes won the majority of conflicts and got away from the one they didn’t.
The villains that didn’t need bacta treatments - or whatever is in those tubes - got shoved into cells. Also, Doom, because he might need the healing juice but it would require peeling him out of his armor and its probably booby-trapped.
Hawkeye and Captain Marvel return to the village to bring Wasp’s body to DoomHerobase for a funeral but they’re in for a surprise.
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It turns out that Zsaji WAS able to heal Wasp who wasn’t dead just in a laser-induced death-like stasis. AS YA DO. It nearly killed Zsaji to bring Wasp back from such grievous injuries.
Colossus learns this by getting into her exposition drugs while she’s passed out and mind-melding with her.
Of course, it just makes the big lug fall deeper in love with her.
The important takeaway is that Wasp is alive. Just like we knew that she would be. The universe has been set right.
Over at Herobase, Reed Richards fixes the Iron Man armor after Rhodey got it a little melted.
Iron Man, James Rhodes: “I’m curious... were you surprised there was a black man under the metal?”
Reed Richards: “Hmm... No, I never gave it a thought! I knew there was a man under there...”
Its a nice exchange.
Its kinda ruined retroactively by Illuminati revealing that Reed knew Tony was Iron Man and would have known about Tony having to step down due to his alcoholism and likely knew about Rhodey taking over.
Dammit, Illuminati!
Elsewhere in the base, Spider-Man spots Hulk and Thor coming out of a room with Thor sporting a brand new cape and helmet. They tell Spidey that there’s a device in there that will make any clothes you want.
Except Spider-Man doesn’t bother asking which device and they don’t bother specifying so Spidey just picks the likeliest one and gets a black glob.
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An important black glob.
To eventually be revealed to be an alien goo symbiote and later eventually tied to a dark god that predates the universe.
But for right now, its a way to incorporate a new costume design that a fan submitted. And Spider-Man handwaves it not looking like his old costume by assuming he was thinking of the new Spider-Woman.
So that’s how it is, Pete? She ‘ripped’ you off so you’re gonna rip her off?
You know whats really funny?
A month before this came out, in Spider-Man’s own book, he had learned that the costume was a living symbiote and had gotten rid of it.
It be like that with Secret Wars but its still funny that we’re finally seeing him get the costume just as he’s getting rid of it.
Anyway, Spider-Man’s new costume buzz is interrupted by the planet shaking and someone yelling in his brain.
Professor X: “CAPTAIN AMERICA! COME AT ONCE! IT HAS BEGUN! GALACTUS IS DEVOURING THE PLANET!”
It’s nice that the crises are waiting their turn.
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January, 1985
ASSAULT ON GALACTUS!
The issue titles for this story are all so excited.
The X-Men were left on Galactus watching duty so when the big lug starts trying to eat the planet, the X-Men charge in to attack him.
Hm.
Y’know, I sometimes wonder what iconic storylines would have been like if a different set of characters handled it. This used to be great What If fodder. I know there was one where the Avengers tackled Galactus’ first appearance. And because it was the tone of What If at the time to viciously shoot down any divergence of the 616 timeline, THINGS WENT HORRIBLY WRONG.
Think of it like the Turn Left episode of Doctor Who.
POINT BEING, I wonder how the X-Men would have handled Galactus’ first appearance. Of course, this would be the O5 roster so they’d have their work cut out for them.
Heck, even with Storm on the team, the X-Men are over their heads with Galactus.
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She hits him with two massive lightning bolts and Galactus keeps working like he didn’t even notice.
The X-Men seem to realize how out of their depth they are (especially sans Phoenixes, their usual Galactus-fighting go-to) but at Professor Xavier’s command they charge in anyway.
Galactus sends out a defensive drone so he can continue not paying the X-Men any mind and the mutants find themselves completely bogged down in fighting the drone while Galactus does his thing.
And from Zsaji’s sweet village, Captain Marvel, Wasp, and Hawkeye see a massive explosion where the X-Men were.
I guess they’re totally dead forever.
Wasp: “Should we head up there now?”
Hawkeye: “No! We’d better wait for Cap... and strike as a unit!”
Hah.
Its the expression, really. Like Hawkeye thinking to himself ‘oh I want no part of that.’
The non-X-Men assemble at Herobase to rush to the fight.
Mr. Fantastic: “Hurry! No telling how long the X-Men can hold out!”
Spider-Man: “Yeah! Where’s the rest of the alphabet when you need it?”
HAH!
Oh, Spider-Man, you are a delight.
In the airship over, Thor notices that Hulk looks glum and tries to cheer him up.
Thor: “If ‘tis that you do not fit in these chairs that depresses you, count yourself fortunate! They were made, I think, for insect men... or by trolls, for torture! If ‘tis the impending battle troubling thee -- just think! What greater chance for glory has man or god e’er known? More even than Ragnarok, this is the battle I was born millennia ago to fight! You, too, are a warrior born, Hulk! A taste of battle and the berserker battle-lust shall rise in thy soul!”
Hulk: “I doubt it! I lost that when I gained the intelligence of my human side -- Bruce Banner! And now I’m slowly losing that, too! I’m not savage enough... or smart enough to be a relevant factor!”
Well, You Tried, Thor.
Johnny Torch is trying to cheer up Ben Grimm who is as grim as his name over his powers popping in and out as they please.
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And then the rocks pop back on just as Ben is dramatically bemoaning that he can’t control them.
The Thing: “Whoopie! I’m the Thing again! I’m so happy, I even like you!”
Human Torch: “Yeow! You lummox! Put me down! Jeez, I can see the headlines -- ‘affectionate hug slays Human Torch en route to battle -- universe destroyed as a result’!’“
This book has some decent lines.
Iron Man ogles Spider-Woman under the pretense of not trusting her but then goes a little ‘I’ll show them all!’
Iron Man: “A lot of guys have worked with Iron Man before -- but that was when Tony Stark was in this suit! I think they’ve started to realize there’s a different guy in here, now... an’ they got their doubts! They’re keepin’ their distance -- don’t quite trust me yet! Don’t matter! As long as I got this armor, I’m one ba-ad dude -- especially since Richards souped it up! As soon as that fight starts, I’ll show ‘em -- show ‘em I’m Iron Man! The real Iron Man! James Rhodes is Iron Man -- now and forever!”
Rhodey pls.
Also meanwhile, because this is a long flight, Spider-Man starts hopping all around the interior of the airship overexcited because he’s just discovered that the totally benign goo suit he got has webshooters!
And he squirts Johnny in the face to prove it because that’s just how Spider-Man is sometimes.
Johnny complains that this webbing is even harder to burn than his old stuff which will turn itself into a bit of a plot hole down the line when its revealed that symbiotes are weak to fire.
Whoops.
Its fine though. Pre-modern Venom has always had sloppy writing around it.
He also demonstrates the goo suit’s ability to change shape.
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I can’t believe that Marvel were cowards and never had Peter go around in the Summer Variant suit.
Reed lets himself go down a melancholic musing rabbit hole and starts poking holes in the story logic.
Mr. Fantastic: “At face value, the whole thing is absurd! Why would a being so far removed from us and so powerful as the Beyonder bring us across the universe for a stupid, simplistic ‘good-versus-evil’ gladiatorial contest? Is he a mad god? A cosmic idiot? And why us? Why this odd collection of beings, mostly from Earth? And why Galactus? He doesn’t fit! Human beings and even gods may be tempted, but Galactus is a force of nature -- no more capable of having enemies than a hurricane or an earthquake! Why is he here? There must be more to this... but what possible purpose could there be?”
Credit where its due, these are things I’ve been wondering!
But Reed is so busy pondering this that he runs the airship into the energy discharge from Galactus’ machine and crashes the ship on top of Colossus.
Smooth move, absent minded professor.
With only seconds before the world starts to burn, the Avengers, Fantastic Four, and assorted leap into battle against Galactus.
Iron Man manages to get past Galactus’ defense drones and punch his world eating engine, thanks to the upgrades done to the armor.
But now that they’re being successful, Reed interjects and tells them to stop winning so hard. Yes, really.
Mr. Fantastic: “Ben, we can’t go through with this! At last I see a purpose here -- a meaning to the universe for this insane conflict! WE MUST NOT STOP GALACTUS!’
Then Galactus effortlessly blasts the heroes away.
Which, if nothing else, gives Reed a chance to catch his breath to EXPOSIT MORE.
Mr. Fantastic: “For the first time this whole thing makes seom sense to me! I see a possible purpose in it! This is a chance to rid our universe of the threat of Galactus! All we have to do is let him win this contest! If the Beyonder indeed, grants hsi wish, he’ll be freed of his planet-consuming hunger at long last!”
The Thing: “And if the Beyonder reneges?”
Mr. Fantastic: “Re-energized by consuming this world, Galactuc will attack -- I know it! And force the Beyonder to pay up -- or be destroyed in the attempt. Any way you look at it... the universe wins! Countless billions who would have eventually fallen prey to Galactus -- will live in peace!”
Spider-Man: “Yeah, but why us? Why were we picked to decide the fate of the universe?”
Mr. Fantastic: “Why not us? We picked ourselves, remember? Besides... we beings of Earth seem to have a knack for being pivotal in the cosmic scheme of things.”
Reed, some offense but you’re the last person who should be speaking on this.
Galactus is only alive now because you had a hunch that he had some Big Important Role in the cosmic order and saved his life.
You may remember that because THE ENTIRETY OF SPACE PUT YOU ON TRIAL FOR IT.
Turning around on that because now you have a different hunch that everything will be a-okay if the Beyonder kills Galactus, is just such a classic Reed move.
Anyway, the discussion ends because Galactus raptures Reed and the entire mountaintop his machine was sitting on.
Since the suspects of Reed rapturing were Galactus or the Beyonder, its not very surprising that its Galactus forcibly inviting Reed up to his solar-system sized apartment.
What, you thought that the Beyonder would be more present in this story that it initiated? Fool.
Anyway, Galactus wants to have a friendly talk at Reed. Because Galactus is one of the few people that can talk down at Reed and he just has to sit tight and listen.
Meanwhile, over at the former Doombase, locked in a Doomcell, its Doom. Still in his catatonia OR IS IT?
Doom: “THE WORLD SHIP IS THE WAY! Galactus’s home itself is the way I seek! At last, I see!”
He activates the get-out-of-jail-free button hidden in his ankle which activates a point-singularity power supply that busts the door off his cell.
He ignores all of the other imprisoned villains to free Klaw.
Doom: “You, yourself, Klaw, are a ‘recording’ of sorts, due to the time you spent as a wave of vibratory energy coursing through the walls of Galactus’s homeworld! Come with me!”
Klaw: “Where to? Toodle-oo, toodle-oo!”
Doom: “To the lab! I’m going to dissect you!”
Klaw: “Oh, good!”
If it were anyone else that would read as sarcastic.
Its also revealed that Doom talks to himself because he is constantly recording.
Doom: “Every utterance of Doom must be recorded for posterity!”
How on-brand.
Meanwhile, back over at where the fight was, Cyclops OPTIC BLASTS out of the hole Magneto buried the X-Men in to save them from Galactus’ exploding drone.
Good job, Magneto.
Buuut. The fight is over so the X-Men just vaguely wander over to Zsaji’s village to catch up with Captain America’s group.
Zsaji wakes up from her Wasp-healing coma and runs over... right past Colossus to embrace Johnny. To make Colossus sad in the background.
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But Johnny is too worried about Reed being raptured to make out with his new space girlfriend right now.
The heroes debate what to do.
Cap(tain America) wants to just stand ready until Galactus comes back and Cap(tain Marvel) suggests finding some spaceships at former Doombase and mounting an assault on Galactus’ imagination-ruiningly huge homeship.
The Thing offers the daring option of ‘hey Reed said not to fight Galactus and dangit what Reed says goes!’
He’s as bad as the Inhumans, I swear.
Reed reappears right about when Iron Man and the Thing are about to come to blows over the ‘do whatever Reed says’ plan.
The Thing: “Stretch! What happened?”
Mr. Fantastic: “Not much! We had tea...”
NOW I KNOW that Galactus likely has some robot servant or device that makes tea for him. But I can’t get the image out of my head of Galactus holding a tiny teapot and serving Reed tea.
How dare this comic cut away and let that happen off-panel!
Anyway, their big OFF-PANEL talk?
Mr. Fantastic: “He told me that I was a ‘force of the universe’ just as he is -- ! That I’m a ‘universal champion of life’ just as he is an instrument of death!”
Now. Nooooow. Champion slash Avatar of Life is a legitimate thing in Marvel, once filled by, uh, Captain Marvel. The Kree guy version. So the position is open.
I just find it easier to believe that Galactus was saying random nonsense to try to befuddle Reed into doing what Galactus wants rather than it being official.
The Avatar of Life page on marvel wiki doesn’t seem to credit it. It only has two versions of Adam Warlock, Drax, and Cancerverse Mar-Vell.
Anyway.
Mr. Fantastic: “I don’t what to say! I’m more convinced than ever that it’s right to let Galactus do what he must! And if I’m a ‘Champion of Life’ does it not make sense to allow Galactus to slay us so that countless billions will live? Or was he telling me that I must fight to serve even these relatively few lives here? I just don’t know...”
Yeeeeah. More convinced than ever that Galactus was filling Reed’s brain with cognitive chaff so to speak.
But Ben “Thing” Grimm is like ‘hey if Reed tells me I gotta die for the good of the universe then I’m ready to die so we’re not fighting unless Reed says so.’
Hawkeye: “This is a real crock! We’ve got to fight! Quitters! Cowards!”
I rarely say this but I think Hawkeye has a point.
Anyway, Galactus reappears the mountaintop, his machine, and himself to get back to snacking on the planet.
Far be it from me to tell Galactus how to ‘mortals are beneath my notice’ but maybe he’d get better results relocating his machine to the other side of the planet. Get some element of surprise, a head start.
No? Fine.
Captain America: “All right, listen up! I’m going to fight! The rest of you come or not as your conscience dictates!”
Wasp: “We’re with you, Cap!”
Captain America: “Good! But first... I just want to tell you, Professor Xavier, that despite our differences, you and your people did us -- and the universe, as far as I’m concerned -- a great service, earlier!”
Professor Xavier: “It was an honor!”
Captain America: “I hope you, the X-Men... and Magneto will come and fight side by side with us now! No one here will deny you’ve earned that much!”
Think about all the grief that could have been saved if people were willing to give Magneto the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of the story! Womp womp!
Meanwhile at Doombase (because the heroes are all off doing stuff and when the heroes are away Doom gets his base back), Doom observes the battle against Galactus starting AND that the Beyonder has cracked open his portal to watch the fight.
But more importantly, Doom cut Klaw into slices.
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Back over at the heroes fighting Galactus, the heroes are fighting Galactus.
As in, directly. No drones.
Its a sign that they’re making some sort of progress.
He’s still batting them around like leaves in the wind.
But the Terrific Three show up to actually help.
Mr. Fantastic: “Galactus used enormous amounts of energy transporting his homeworld here -- and I’m sure he hasn’t fed for months! His power is almost depleted! We can take him!”
Captain America: “Richards, I -- I’m glad you’re here -- but what made you change your mind?”
Mr. Fantastic: “I... thought about what Galactus said -- and I’m still not certain that, in the cosmic scheme of things, what we’re doing is right -- but I realized just how badly I want to see my baby born, Cap! I want that more than anything -- ! And I’m going to fight for it!”
Aww.
He’s going to be waiting a long time for that baby though.
Not because of comic book time but because of intense drama reasons.
The heroes manage to reach the top of the mountain and start trashing Galactus’ machine despite Reed insisting that they ignore it and prevent Galactus from escaping.
And Galactus just animation-cell-slides-up ‘I must return to my homeworld’ style.
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And as Reed explains how badly they done fucked up, Galactus takes a last look around his homeworld/spaceship. Because he doesn’t need his machine to eat planets. It just makes the process more efficient. So if the heroes are going to be annoying about him eating Battleworld, he’s just going to eat his own dang home!
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Mr. Fantastic: “He’s devouring his own living world -- perhaps the greatest energy source in the universe! Moments after he’s finished, this godforsaken planet will be next! We won’t be able to stop him this time! Then he’ll probably consume the sun too! He’ll want every iota of energy available in case he must do battle with the Beyonder! We’re dead men!”
Wow. Is that the most kirby krackle we’ve ever seen?
But as Galactus converts his home into POWER COSMIC, Doom is ready with his own plan to steal that power, aided by a series of lenses he’s turned Klaw into.
As ya do?
You’ll have to tune in to the last quarter of Secret Wars to see if Doom succeeds in doing that thing that he always tries to do.
My thought is: maybe.
Follow @essential-avengers​ for the good job I’m doing with these Secret Warses. Like and reblog maybe.
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eclecticmiasma · 4 years
Note
Hey, I know it may sound dumb, but... What about big-sized guys (Risotto, Jonathan, etc.) and female S/O, that likes to wear "Snap my choker" T-shirt? And no, not a baggy one, in fact, it sticks to their body like a second skin, and is very low-cut, so you can almost see nipples... Who would think it's a challenge or try to talk darling out of wearing it?
I sort of morphed this into Big Boys with an s/o that dresses....risque. 
SFW
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Jonathan
Absolutely scandalized. Turns beet red when s/o comes anywhere near him. 
Always trying to cover her up lest she is coveted by other, more dangerous men. 
To much of a sweet boy to try to talk her out of it. Drops hints that it makes him worried for her safety, but also sneaks a peek every now and then. 
Will fight anyone that tries to touch or shame her, shouting about her honor as a lady and his duty to defend it.
Will throw her in the nearest closet any time Dio comes around. He hasn’t forgotten about what he did to his first love. 
Please cover up for him, he can only take so much. 
Joseph
Loves it. 
Also dresses like a thot. He finds her clothing fun and fresh. 
Doesn’t hesitate to cop a feel every once in a while, flashing her a cheeky grin each time. 
Loves the way everyone stares at his s/o, proud as all hell that shes his. Almost feels bad for all of the men of the world that don’t get to have a woman as hot as his. 
Rubs it in Caesar’s face almost constantly. 
“Your woman could never, Caesarino.” 
Might buy matching clothing just for the hell of it. 
Jotaro
Entirely unamused. 
Does not understand why s/o wants to dress this way at all. Feels nothing at the sight of her cleavage or length of her skirt. Just mild irritation. 
Blames Madonna. 
However, he is extremely jealous. Any time they are out in public he’ll walk with his arm around her, trying to cover at least some of her body. 
If a man catcalls her, he can expect violent retaliation. 
Joseph loves her, thinks she’s fun. 
Under no circumstances is allowed to be near Polnareff. 
At some point, he’ll probably shout at her to wear the jacket of his school uniform and throw it at her.
Only happy when she puts it on and buttons it all the way to the top like some kind of priest. 
Stressed and depressed, please put on more clothing. 
Josuke
Stressed and horny. Absolutely conflicted. 
Distracted by s/o’s chest at all times of the day. Desperately wishes she would wear the standard school uniform, doesn’t see the hypocrisy. 
Joseph loves her as well, thinks she’s fun. 
Like Jotaro and Jonathan, will find creative ways to cover her up.
Prone to smacking Okuyasu upside the head anytime he’s caught drooling over her. 
Will keep that creepy spider-eating fucker Rohan away from her at all costs. 
Asks his nephew for advice, but just gets a thousand-yard stare in response. Maybe he’s gone through something similar? 
Has to worry about stand attacks and a serial killer, really doesn’t want to have to worry about his s/o as well.   
Risotto 
Absolutely sees it as a challenge. 
He thinks its quite fun. Easy access for him when they sneak off to bang between missions. 
Enjoys the look on his underlings’ faces when she lounges around half clothed. Makes it a point to touch and kiss her as much as possible to remind them to whom she belongs. 
Would probably buy her a matching collar to wear with her outfits, just to add to the kink factor. 
Honestly, it might have even been his idea for her to wear such revealing clothing in the first place. Being capo is stressful, and she’s quite a sight for sore eyes. 
*all original work is my intellectual property. do not edit or re-upload.
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alpineglowx · 3 years
Text
I'll Do The Same {Din Djarin x OC} Chapter Eleven: Starlight
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pairing: din djarin x female oc
warnings: none, except some fluff!
* * * *
“I was young. Eight, nine, I can’t remember exactly. My parents were killed in an explosion trying to hide me from the droids that invaded our village. I almost died that day; I would have if the Watch hadn’t shown up. I became a foundling that day. I was raised by the Watch, and I was happy to be in their care. They had saved me, after all.
“When I was older I joined the Tribe on Nevarro. It’s where I acquired my armor. Once I swore the Creed, it meant I could never take my helmet off again, or have it removed by another. If it was, I would never be allowed to put it back on again... I would cease to be a true Mandalorian. I was trained to be a warrior growing up, and once I was older I joined the Bounty Hunter’s Guild. It paid well, harnessed my training, and gave me something to do.”
Thell blinked slowly, processing his words.
“That was until I was assigned to kill the kid. I didn’t even know he was a child at the time. I knew as soon as I saw him that I couldn’t let him be taken... there are people out there who are risking everything trying to find him... for what, I’m not exactly sure. I just know that he’s more powerful than I understand... and he’s just a kid.
“I had always thought that all Mandalorians followed the Children of the Watch’s beliefs. I believed that all were taught to hide their faces, because our secrecy is our survival. But Bo-Katan took her’s off like it was nothing. They all did, and they told me they were true Mandalorians. I didn’t know until then that I had been raised by the Watch. Bo said it was a cult that broke off from traditional Mandalorian ways.”
“So... no one’s seen your face since you were a kid?”
He dipped his head. “Yes. When I joined the Tribe, I hid myself. My identity, my name... everything about me became a secret. It had to be that way.”
“For you to survive?”
“Yes.”
“Wasn’t it ever lonely?” Thell asked quietly. “The life of a bounty hunter doesn’t sound too glamorous.”
“It isn’t... and it is lonely. I don’t stop with the jobs. Once I finish one, I move on to the next. It’s always been like that. I don’t have time to sit and settle.”
“Hm... So that’s what you’ve been doing since you were young.”
“Yes. I stay primarily in the Outer Rim. Since the Empire fell, there hasn’t been a shortage of bounties.”
“... Don’t take this the wrong way... but if you know the Watch is a cult, and the other Mandalorians take their helmets off, why don’t you?”
“I was raised under the Watch. It’s the only thing I know.” He turned to face her, slowly. “This is the Way.”
“Well, for what’s worth,” Thell said. “You’re the nicest bounty hunter I’ve ever met.”
He chuckled, just the slightest lift of his shoulders that had Thell smiling back at him. She sat up, clasping her arms around her knees as she hugged them to her chest.
“Do you know a lot of Mando’a?” She asked.
“A bit... why?”
Thell shrugged, glancing back at the fire. “Well... I was wondering if you could teach me some.” When she sensed him looking at her, she glanced back over and tilted her head. “My dad was Mandalorian. I know that doesn’t necessarily make me Mandalorian either, but I want to know some of the language. I haven’t... I haven’t felt like I’ve had my own identity before. I guess I could start somewhere... I think we share that.”
The comment had been a risk, but after seeing how he had been over the past week, Thell didn’t expect him to get angry or storm off. In fact, it wasn’t even her first thought.
Because deep down, it was true. They were both orphans now, even the kid sleeping in his arms. They all had childhoods that were essentially stolen from them, raised in places that protected them, but under the surface, were also performing great harm. Din was a result of indoctrination, and Thell had been a slave to a cruel master. Now, as adults, they were free to choose their own paths.
He nodded anyway. “Alright. Ask away.”
Thell blinked. “Oh... um. What’s hello?”
“Su cuy'gar.”
“Say it again,” Thell asked, and he did. She tried her best at repeating it under her breath, but it only made her feel silly with Din watching her.
“Hey!” She laughed. “It’s not like I’ve ever spoken it fluently. Why don’t you give me an easier one?”
Din sighed and relaxed against the rock, the child still tucked peacefully in his arms. “Beskar'gam... can you guess what that is?”
Thell squinted, twisting her lip. “Something to do with Beskar, I’m assuming.”
“Armor,” Din told her.
And they stayed like that, talking quietly beside the fire under the canopy of stars and darkness. For a moment, it felt like they were the only people in the world, including the kid. Din taught her words, phrases, even a small bout of the history of the language, all that he knew. Their conversation slowly turned to ones of their own personal lives, sharing stories and experiences.
Thell kept finding herself smiling at him, even laughing at his dry humor. It was beginning to show itself more and more, and she had to admit that this was her favorite side of him. She had scooted closer, sitting criss crossed beside him while the kid was wrapped in a bundle of blankets just beside Din.
“And I stole it.”
“Really?” Din seemed appalled.
“Yeah,” Thell nodded, smiling proudly to herself. “Darand had a whole shipment of my favorite fruit come in, for himself of course, but I couldn’t deny sneaking myself a few when no one was looking.”
“I’ve never taken you for a thief.”
Thell rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t call myself one. It was probably just one of the most rebellious things I did back on Bespin.”
Her mind suddenly wandered back to her old home, to the neverending show of clouds and stars that was always overhead. Of nights crying herself to sleep after her mother died, of her fingers being rubbed raw from her chores as Darand’s servant.
He must have noticed that she went quiet because he spoke, just softly.
“Thell.”
She blinked, focusing back on his helmet. “Oh. Sorry...”
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
He sounded genuinely interested, so Thell straightened. “I want to tell you something, something that happened to me while I lived on Bespin.”
His attention remained fully on her, and in the quiet of their haven on Naboo, Thell felt like he truly cared for her.
“My mom died when I was twelve. At that point, I basically fended for myself in Darand’s mansion. I had a lot of people try to take advantage of me, of my youth, of my immaturity. I was constantly being compared to my mother or being expected to be someone I knew I wasn’t... No one ever really saw me for me. When I was sixteen, I was walking back from the market when I saw a group of my friends. I had known them for a couple of years. We weren’t close or anything, but I was still glad to see them.”
Thell took a deep breath, glancing at the fire.
“Anyways, I went to go talk to them and everything seemed normal for the moment. But... I don’t know why it happened, but they attacked me. I didn’t even have anything on me. No credits, nothing.”
Thell could feel her hands trembling and clasped them together, hoping Din wouldn’t notice.
“They just left me there, in the dust of that alley. They called me names and told me I was useless and kicked me, and I didn’t do anything.... I just let it happen.”
“Why?” Din asked suddenly.
“Because somewhere deep down I felt like they were right,” Thell said, making eye contact with him again. “I felt like because everyone else had been saying those things to me, it must have been true. No one in Darand’s house liked me. No one saw me. I mean, hell, the one guy that I actually liked completely rejected me to my face and walked away like I was nothing!”
Thell leaned back, surprised and suddenly embarrassed by her disclosure. To her relief, Din didn’t seem bothered by it; he barely moved from his position. Taking it as a good sign, and inhaling deeply, Thell continued, lowering her voice.
“My only source of comfort in the world was gone and I didn’t have any else left. I was just a girl in a galaxy that looked at me like I was nothing. That’s why I was so adamant about going with you that night. Because I knew the consequences if I didn’t. I knew I had to speak up for myself. If I didn’t, I could’ve died out there, in the big world. But I always felt safe with you, even when you were standing in the middle of the hallway pointing a blaster at my face.”
To her relief, Din huffed out a laugh. “Not the best of scenarios to feel safe in.”
Thell smirked. “Maybe not. But I came along anyway.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“Really?” Thell perked up.
He dipped his head once. “It’s... nice to have someone to talk to.”
Thell smiled, feeling tears burn at the back of her eyes. “Yeah. Me too.”
“We have that in common, you know.”
“... What?”
“The thing you said... about no one seeing you.”
Thell’s eyebrows twitched, and she scrunched her fingers into her pant leg. “Oh.”
He was still looking back at her, suddenly gently in the firelight. Thell’s heart was full from their conversations and laughter, to his opening up about his own past to chuckling together about old stories. She was immensely grateful, and something about the warmth of the fire and the peace of the field were causing her barriers to fall.
“Thank you for telling me about yourself,” she said quietly. “I know it’s not easy, especially when you don’t normally share it. But thank you anyway.”
He watched her for a long moment before dipping his head softly, and Thell blinked. Taking a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart, she bent forward, clasping her hand gently around his that rested on his leg. She could feel him flinch under her palm, see how rigid he suddenly went under her touch. His hand was warm, large and secure under her hold.
Thell gulped, and her greatest fear came true when he slowly pulled away from her embrace, turning on his side to face the kid. Her hand dangling, Thell could only feel the need to smack herself, curse at how stupid and overly forward she had been. Why should she have expected it anyway, just because they were connecting over their sob stories and growing closer to reciprocate her feelings?
Frustrated with herself, Thell slowly rolled over on her side, dragging the blanket she had brought with her. She couldn’t face the Mandalorian tonight, not directly. So she let her gaze linger to the rocks casted in an orange glow, and to the darkness of the field beyond.
. . . .
“Wake up.”
Blinking steadily, Thell peered directly into the sun. She put up a hand to shield her eyes right as the Mandalorian moved in front of it, casting her in shadow. His hand was on his hip, one arm holding Grogu. He peered down at her curiously, cocking his head and looking back with dark, endearing eyes.
Thell suddenly remembered the night before, the awkward moment when he had pulled his hand out of her’s. If Din remembered too, he didn’t say anything.
Instead, he bent down, offering her a hand to help her stand.
“We’re going into town.”
Thell blinked, gathering her things from the ground. “Town? I thought we didn’t want to make ourselves known.”
“Not particularly,” Din said. “But we’re low on food. We’ll stay low profile.”
The village in Naboo that Din dragged her to was exquisite. Flowers and garlands of every color hung from pots or strung across archways. Ancient buildings soared above her view, the rounded green tops of settlements reflecting in the sun. Gardens with fountains and shining columns dotted the landscape, causing the air to have a sweet aroma. The corridors they walked through were not crowded, and the only inhabitants Thell saw were local humans called the Naboo. She couldn’t help but admire the elegant, flowing robes and dresses they wore, the ornate styles in which their hair was done.
But Din practically dragged her along, keeping her close as the kid hid in a satchel on his hip. Thell herself had worn a cloak, half covering her face. As for Din, there was only so much that could be done to hide the Mandalorian, so he stuck to sticking out in the crowd.
However, to her greatest relief, no one seemed to be bothered by them. In fact, they were more than friendly to the both of them, even the children offering them garlands of flowers as they entered the city.
But Din was meticulous, only wanting to spend as much time in the city as needed. Thell, on the other hand, wandered past vendors with crafts of things she had never seen, food she had never smelled or tasted.
And music.
The sound caught her ears immediately as Din was paying for a package of fruit. Thell turned, her ears perking up at the glorious sound. She had just taken a step forward when she felt Din’s hand on her elbow, holding her back.
“What is it?”
She looked over her shoulder, smiling widely at him. “Music. Don’t you hear it?”
“I do.”
She tugged at his arm. “Let’s go listen to it.”
“We need to go soon. It’s getting dark.”
Thell shrugged. “I know. But you were the one who said we needed a break. What’s a little pitstop?” When he didn’t move, Thell stuck out her bottom lip. “It’ll only be for a minute, and I promise I won’t drag you away again.”
When he finally nodded, Thell nearly shrieked in excitement as they followed the sound. She had heard music played on Bespin before, but only in moderation, and it had never sounded this beautiful.
They passed through corridors and dim hallways to an arched opening. It let them out onto a small balcony that overlooked a luxurious garden, surely owned by a wealthy family in the city. Thell could only tilt her head back and breath in the sweat air as she relaxed against the railing. The garden was speckled with wild flowers and trees of all varieties, twisting cobblestones paths between streams and pools that glittered like diamonds in the sunlight. Out in the distance, the sun was setting beyond the hills, casting the clouds in orange and pink glows. The railing was lined with vines that twisted around the architecture, spattering the balcony with purple flowers. Just beyond an archway in the garden Thell could spot the group of musicians playing, all holding different, beautiful instruments. A small crowd sat with their back to Thell and Din, and if Thell focused enough, it felt as if they were playing for just them.
She sensed Din moving closer, coming to rest his arms against the railing beside her. Grogu was at her feet, murmuring softly until she bent down to pick him up.
“See that, buddy?” She whispered, pointing in the direction of the musicians. “That’s a band. They’re playing music on instruments. Have you heard music before?”
He was babbling close to her ear, his eyes focused on the band. At a certain high note, his eyes widened and his ears pinned back, and Thell couldn’t help the giggle that rose in her throat. When the music settled again, Thell tucked Grogu into her arms, holding him as she began to slowly rock back and forth on her heels and hummed. Grogu seemed to enjoy it, eyes flickering to her when she pulled away from the railing, humming to the same tune as the musicians and spinning.
Grogu cooed happily, and Thell pressed her forehead to his before kissing his head. She giggled again, holding the baby in her arms and spinning while the music continued.
When she finally stopped spinning, and the music stopped, her hair was frayed and sticking to her face. But Din was looking at her, one arm resting casually against the railing and one leg kicked back. He was admiring her, not even bothering to look away when Thell paused, breathing heavily.
“Do you dance?” She asked, breathless.
She hadn’t known what came over her, except that Grogu was sliding down her arms as Din loomed over her, looking down at her through the helmet while starlight was beginning to glimmer on the Beskar.
“We have to get back. It’s late.”
Her heart sank, but she tried not to show it. “Okay.”
With one last glance at the garden, Thell turned and followed after the Mandalorian.
They returned to the ship a while later, but Thell opted to sleep outside again, under the canopy of starlight. Grogu stayed close by, choosing to sleep beside her as she settled her blanket on the ground. Din prowled the surrounding area, his blaster at his side, before coming up to Thell and Grogu. He peered down at the kid, cocking his head.
“Night, kid,” he said lowly, to which Grogu murmured softly.
Thell smiled down at the kid before glancing back at Din and asking, “How many days before we leave?”
“Two,” he said, and Thell nodded.
“It’s been nice.”
“It has.”
The silence turned to being rather uncomfortable, so Thell shifted, rocking on one knee.
“Well... I’m just going to get some water. Goodnight, Din.”
His voice was soft. “Goodnight.”
She had just returned to her makeshift bed on the ground beside Grogu, canteen in hand, when an object on her pillow caught her attention. Bending down, Thell gingerly picked up the item, rolling it over in her hand. It was one of the purple flowers from the balcony, the one that overlooked the musicians and where she had danced with Grogu. The one where she had desperately wanted to ask Din, too, as well.
“Din, did you-“
She went to look at the Mandalorian, but he was already sleeping on the other side of the fire, arms crossed over her chest. Thell let her eyes wander for a moment before settling down next to Grogu, letting her fingers brush over the petals as she drifted off.
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ficsandgiggles · 4 years
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Head Canons Masterlist
Here are my head canons for characters from various fandoms, I will be updating this when I can. Please feel free to send in requests for characters that are not on the list!
Peter Parker
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Lee:
Okay, if there is one person who doesn’t want to tickle this little cutie then idk what to say.
He is definitely the one that always gets ganged up on by the others as he is a walking giggle spot.
Tony was the first one to discover that he was ticklish, it all started with a simple poke to the side to grab his attention, then that was it.
No matter where you get him, he will always pull his arms back to his sides before falling (sometimes literally) into a fit of giggles.
He is the baby of the group, and therefore always gets treated like one, especially when it comes to tickles.
Lighter tickles will cause him to let out these adorable, high pitched giggles, and he will slap at the lers hands if he’s not pinned down.
When the ler digs in, he will thrash around, so people will sit on his waist for the safety of their... sensitive parts.
He secretly loves being tickled as it allows him to feel closer to whoever is tickling him, he sees it as a cute way to cheer him up.
He will sometimes do stuff to make someone tickle him.
When it comes to Bucky and Sam, he’s continuously cheeky until they run at him.
With Nat and Tony, he acts even more cute and cuddly around them, casually making his shirt ride up or something.
Scribbling fingers work best on the belly, armpits and feet.
Harder tickles work best on the ribs, thighs and sides.
He cannot take teasing, any sort of teasing will cause him to he all blushy and everyone loves it.
Ler:
He is actually such a sweet and playful ler wtf.
Usually uses sing-song teases, both as a way of building anticipation and to make the sensation worse whilst he’s actually getting you.
He adores watching the lee giggle whilst he’s tickling them, and he constantly has a fond smile on his face whilst doing so.
Prefers the gentler tickles, and especiallly adores cuddly tickles where he has the lee all wrapped up in a cuddle so he can tickle them knowing they can’t get away.
Only really tickles close friends around his age and his partner but will occasionally give the other Avengers a side poke when he’s feeling confident.
He will always be scared to go too far, which is why he prefers the gentler tickles so he can make sure the lee is okay throughout.
Always adorably shy when he first tickles someone, but once he discovers that the lee is okay with it and their tickle spots, he grows more confident.
Steve Rogers
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Lee:
He may be Captain America, but he is one adorable lee.
At first, he’ll probably try to come across as all tough, but once the ler gets into the right spots, he’s all theirs.
He wouldn’t really try and run away when getting tickled, but he’d sort of pace away a few steps before accepting his fate.
His face scrunches up a little when he’s getting tickled and everyone loves it.
Quite easily flustered when it comes to teasing too.
He doesn’t really try to get away when he gets tickled, he just lays there and wriggles around a little whilst occasionally and lightly slapping at the lers hands.
Most ticklish on his ribs, feet and inner thighs.
Ler:
Definitely one to seek out revenge, whether it’s for tickling him, being cheeky, swearing too much or pulling a prank on him.
Will ensure you’re completely pinned down so can he can dish out his punishment accordingly.
Not afraid to use baby talk as a way of teasing.
Big fan of tickling ribs and legs.
Don’t let Steve find your worst spot, or you’ll never hear the end of it.
A definite mix between playful and ruthless, but will always keep an eye on the lee to make sure he doesn’t take it too far.
Overall, Steve is a pretty fun ler who loves to take advantage of the lees adorable weakness.
Bucky Barnes
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Lee:
When someone finally gets him off guard, his giggles are absolutely precious.
He will try everything he can to get the ler off him, which usually means the ler has to constantly dodge a thrashing metal arm.
Definitely a kicker too, if the ler is sitting on him, his legs will be flying all over the place.
He has a set of adorable giggles which he lets out when someone tickles his neck.
Like Sam would love to sneak up behind him and just flutter his fingers there, just to hear Bucky giggle and tell him to F off.
I feel like he’d have sensitive knees too, and squeezes there will drive him crazy.
Sometimes, being tickled scares him a little, as his past often makes him forget he has this soft side.
Most ticklish on his neck, knees and feet.
Ler:
Bucky has always loved being the ler, especially with tiny Steve.
He’s always one to grin evilly down at the lee before absolutely wrecking them.
He’s always fond of the lees reaction, and let’s out little coos as he gets them.
Definitely uses his metal arm to his advantage, like if you feel something cold wrap around your ankle? It’s game over pal.
Either that, or he slips his metal hand up the lees top to get their belly and sides, knowing the coldness will make the sensation a million times worse.
One of the teases he likes to use is asking the lee which tickles worse between the two hands.
Also uses his beard to his advantage when it comes to sensitive necks and bellies.
Definitely a fun ler, who is having just as much fun as the lee is.
Clint Barton
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Ler:
As an experienced tickle monster, Clint isn’t afraid of getting his hands dirty when it comes to tickling his fellow Avengers.
He tickles his Avengers the same way he tickles his kids, absolutely mercilessly, although with the Avengers he is a little more on the shy side.
That doesn’t stop him from making the most of his lees weak spots though, and he has a habit of teasing the lee without even realising... for example: “oh my, your *spot* is so ticklish!”
He usually tickles people to get his own way, but he likes to get Wanda a lot just to see her giggle freely for once.
He also loves sneakily tickling Nat, but that never ends up being a good idea.
He’s really good at tickling ribs, whether he’s digging in or counting them one by one.
He doesn’t mind being the ler when it comes to getting the Avengers, but he definitely prefers to be the lee.
Lee:
Okay, secretly, he is a huge fan of getting tickled, and he’s one of the more ticklish guys out of the team.
Whenever he tries to prank someone, he tries climbing in the vents, and that’s usually a sign that he wants tickles, as he jumps down and ‘tries’ to run as soon as someone threatens him with it.
You gotta pin him down though as this guy will thrash around and you will get a black eye if you’re not careful.
He loves getting his sides tickled, anyone who squeezes into his sides will be in for an absolute treat. He usually folds his arms over his chest as he laughs hysterically.
Incredibly ticklish armpits, it’s hard to get him there unless you catch him completely off guard.
He also adores it when Nat skitters her nails all over his feet, it’s light, yet torturous and you can tell by his giggles that he loves it.
Nat is the only one that’s aware that he likes it, since she basically interrogated him with tickles until he admitted it.
Most ticklish spots are armpits, sides, knees and feet.
Sam Wilson
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Lee:
Definitely one to smack the ler, but you gotta figure out whether it was accidental or intentional.
He will swear, a lot.
His laugh is absolutely infectious, it’s so loud and bubbly that you can’t not laugh along with him.
When you get to the right spot, I feel like he’d help before breaking into even more laughter.
So fricking squirmy, you gotta pin this boy down.
Bucky loves tickling him, probably for just being a little shit.
Squeezing his knees will make him go ballistic, he will buck and laugh hysterically.
Worst spots are his neck, knees and sides.
Ler:
He is absolutely ruthless as a ler.
He won’t really tickle you unless you’ve been a little shit, hence why Peter and Bucky are often victims.
He’ll pin the lees hands down with his knees so he has both hands to attack.
Definitely more of a rough tickler, he loves digging into those sensitive spots to really send the lee crazy.
Doesn’t really tease, but he often talks whilst he’s tickling. He says stuff like “this is what you get for being a little shit!” Or “have you learnt your lesson yet? Don’t mess with me!”
He immediately gets his own back whenever someone tickles him first.
Mainly relies on his fingers to do most of the work, as they’re always able to get into the right spot to send the lee crazy.
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aprxl-showers · 4 years
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sneak peek from my klance frozen fic on ao3
(( after they meet in Coran’s store and Keith begrudgingly agrees to take Lance to the North Mountain ))
***
“Okay... Lance... hang on, Kosmo likes to go fast.” ‘Keith the ice guy’ adjusted his grip on the reins as Kosmo transported them up the snowy slope. Lance had immediately shut down the whole ‘your highness’ thing, insisting it was weird because it was. It was dark, Keith’s lantern the only source of light apart from the moon.
“That’s cool, I like fast,” Lance laughed, putting his feet up on the front of the sledge. Keith swatted them down immediately muttering something about it taking ages to polish. Lance pouted as he inspected it. Once Keith seemed satisfied that Lance hadn’t ruined his valuable polishing work he turned back to face him.
“So,” he began, “Care to explain what made your sister set all this off?”
“I honestly don’t know how it happened,” Lance began, “It was my fault really.”
“Oh?” Keith seemed to take joy in that fact. Lance scowled at him,
“See, I met this guy and we got engaged and it was honestly so romantic but then she ruined the mood because she wouldn’t bless the marriage. She was lamenting on and on about how it was weird since we’d only met that day-”
“Wait, hold up,” Keith looked from him to the track ahead, “You’re telling me that you got engaged to a man you just met that day?”
“Yeah, anyway, so I got really annoyed because this guy’s really cute and we seem to really go together? So I said that I didn’t get her deal so of course she also got mad. Then, she tried to storm out of the party, a party thrown for her by the way, so I grabbed her glove-”
“Hang on,” Keith interrupted him, again, “You got engaged to someone you just met that day?”
“Yes, pay attention,” Lance rolled his eyes. Was that really the thing he was taking away from this? “Anyway, she wore these gloves all the time so I thought maybe she just had mysophobia or something, y’know, fear of dirt?”
“I know what mysophobia is,” Keith muttered. “But seriously, back to the engagement thing, how do you know you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy? Didn’t anyone ever warn you about strangers?”
Lance paused, looking Keith up and down.
“Uh-huh,” he replied, edging away from Keith who rolled his eyes, “But Lotor is not a stranger!”
“Oh yeah?” Keith’s tone was challenging, “What’s his last name?”
“Of-Northern-Daibazaal,” Lance replied confidently. Honestly, who knew any royalties' real last names nowadays? Keith didn’t look convinced,
“That’s not a last name. How about… his favourite food?”
“Dark Chocolate.”
“Really? I’m guessing half the stuff at that party was chocolatey and he took a liking to it? That doesn’t prove anything.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lance spat out because that was exactly what happened however that didn’t give Keith the right to make assumptions.
“Sure. What’s his best friend’s name?”
“Probably a wonderfully respectable name, unlike Keith,” he jeered. Keith fixed with an exasperated look.
“Eye colour?”
“Silver. Super dreamy,” Lance chuckled, fake swooning, leaning into Keith’s personal space. Keith continued, undeterred, his eyes on the road.
“How about shoe size?”
“Shoe size doesn’t- Holy crow, Keith! That is inappropriate!” Lance hit him on the forearm.
“You haven’t had a meal with him, right?” Lance nodded. Keith faced him again, “What if you hate the way he eats? What if he’s super picky or is really rude to the servers? What if he has absolutely awful table manners?”
“Keith, buddy, my man, he is a prince,” Lance scoffed, as if that was enough of an explanation.
“Princes can be rude. I happen to know a very annoying one. Maybe you know him?”
“Excuse me. Anyway, I’m sure he eats very gracefully. And besides, does it matter? It’s true love.”
“It doesn’t sound like true love. You’ve known this man for less than twenty four hours and as soon as you get engaged your sister freaks out and freezes everything? Sorry to burst your lovely little love bubble but I think the universe might be trying to tell you something.” Keith shrugged. Lance’s defensiveness flared.
“I don’t see why you think you can butt into my affairs. What are you, some sort of love expert?”
“Well, no,” Keith seemed to deflate a little. Lance took this as a victory. Keith carried on, “But I have friends who are. They’re constantly talking about how ‘love is tough’ and marriage is ‘a whole lot of hard work but is worth it in the end’.”
Lance laughed, loud and unabashed. A confused expression crossed over Keith’s face.
“You? Friends? And what’s more, friends who are ‘love experts’? I don’t believe you.” Lance taunted, not realising they’d stopped until he heard the silence. “Wait, what-”
“Stop talking.”
“No, no, no, listen, I’d like to meet these love ex-urmph,” Lance’s sentence was cut off as he felt a gloved hand slap over his mouth.
“Shut up,” Keith whispered, tone more serious. Lance pushed his hand away from his face, about to complain when Keith shushed him, taking his lantern from the hanger and peering into the woods around them. Kosmo’s ears were up and they twitched every so often.
“What is it?” He whispered. Keith ignored him.
Lance observed as Keith leant further out the sledge. Suddenly, he retracted back with speed, tugging at Kosmo’s reins. Kosmo began to run, even faster than he had been going before.
“Shit! Shit, shit, shit,” Keith repeated over and over like a mantra. Lance tutted at him.
“Language, Keith, you are in the presence of royalty!”
“Lance, please,” Keith was fully serious now. Lance picked up on his genuine expression and quietened his voice. It was then he heard noises from behind the sledge. They were being chased!
“What are they?” He scanned the area behind them. He couldn’t see anything.
“Yuppers.” Keith’s voice was clipped, “C’mon Kosmo.”
And sure enough, Lance could hear the noises more clearly now.
“Yup, yup, yup, yup.”
“Yuppers? What are-”
Out from the shadows, a large beast with glowing yellow eyes and short horns leapt up at the side of the truck. Lance shrieked embarrassingly high (he would deny this later) and kicked it in the chest.
“That was a yupper,” Keith confirmed.
“Oh.”
Lance looked over to Keith who was hunched over the back of the seat, sorting through his cargo. Lance started to do the same. Keith glared at him,
“What do you think you’re doing?” He pushed Lance back. Lance sprung up,
“Helping! What does it look like? There are weird glowy-eyed creatures trying to eat us.”
“No!” Keith shoved him back once again, “Don’t fall off. Stay.”
“I’m not a dog, man, and why not?” Keith had managed to make a torch using the fire from the lantern and a piece of old material. He held it out to keep the creatures down.
“I just don’t trust your judgement.” Keith’s words were distracted and hurtful. Lance’s cheeks burned.
“Excuse me?”
“Who gets engaged to someone they just met?”
“I can’t believe you keep bringing that up, it is none of your business!” He grabbed the nearest thing from the pile of objects in the back and raised it in the air. Ice tongs. Of course. “And plus, it’s true love! Duck!”
With that he swung the tongs forward. Keith ducked, luckily, and Lance smacked an attacking yupper square in the face. Keith straightened up.
“What the hell, Lance? You could have knocked me out!” He yelled, taking the tongs from Lance with his free hand, inspecting them for damage. Lance shrugged. However, with Keith’s attention elsewhere and the fire away from the side of the sledge, a yupper took the opportunity and got a hold of Keith’s coat, pulling him from the sledge. Lance reached out to grab the torch in mid air before it fell, watching in horror as Keith was dragged down. He heaved a huge sigh of relief when he saw Keith grab onto a rope trailing behind the sledge. Kosmo kept running, despite it all, but it was clear he was distressed at Keith’s endangerment.
Thinking on his feet, something he was rather good at, Lance reached down to a pile of blankets, setting them alight. He then tossed the extinguished torch into the trees at their sides.
“Help is on the way. Look out!” With relatively accurate aim, the burning bunch of material soared right to where the yuppers were beginning to pull at Keith’s clothing, the man in question crying out in pain at a particularly hard bite. He saw the flaming mass just in time, having the instincts to lower his head and the yuppers immediately broke away from him. Lance let out a whoop of victory, reaching down to help Keith up the rope. His hat had fallen onto his seat during the fall, its absence revealing dark hair and…was that a mullet?
“I can’t believe you almost set me on fire.” Keith let out a puff of air when he was safely back in his seat.
“But I didn’t! You’re not even going to thank me?”
“You just got lucky, I bet that throw was just a fluke.”
“Screw you, mullet!” Lance growled, angry at Keith for not acknowledging the fact he basically saved his life! Bad judgement indeed. His aim was impeccable thank you very much.
“What? My name is Keith and I do not have a mullet or whatever!” Keith fumed, hand instinctively rising to his hair, reaching for his hat. Lance felt a little better for getting a rise out of him.
“That’s debatable but alright,” he smirked, turning back to the road, smile fading immediately. Now, Lance rarely swore but he agreed that this situation called for a very well deserved- “Fuck.”
“What was all that about language earlier?” Keith joked, chuckling until he followed Lance’s line of sight. “Oh. Fuck indeed.”
Ahead of them was a steep drop and a large canyon. They were going too fast to slow and stop without falling off the edge. Lance leant forward.
“Ready to jump Kosmo?”
Keith was next to him.
“You don’t get to tell him what to do,” he shouted.
Before Lance could register what was happening, Keith had thrust a bag into his hand and was wrapping an arm around his waist. Without a word of warning, Keith threw Lance - chucked him as if he were cargo - onto Kosmo’s back with surprising strength.
“Woah!” Lance squawked in shock as he flailed in the air for a moment before landing roughly on Kosmo’s back. The wolf kept running as if it were nothing. Keith called out behind him,
“Jump Kosmo!”
And they were flying.
READ THE ENTIRE THING - ‘The First Time In Forever’ - ON MY AO3!! LINK IN PINNED POST AT THE TOP OF MY BLOG
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