#she would be a fun character to explore
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Elmira, Demise of Daring and Darling Ego
A short story I felt like posting here; constructive criticism is always welcome and encouraged! While this has nothing to do with my actual novel wip, I had to get this idea out of my handwombs <3
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Elmira, Elmira, Elmira. The way her sunlit hair gently swayed with the rest of her body, her frame small and thin. Her light footsteps rapidly tapped the stairs on her way through the halls of Princeton. Such a strong name for a weak girl. Light of the dearest star, how she sparkled in my wandering eyes so wonderfully bright. I let my vision- and vision only- follow whilst my feet stood as still as roots under me.
She stood out amongst the crowd- shorter than most, sloppily dressed but still presentable, moving fast and free as air. Her eyes of olive green shone brightly against the harsh university lights. Her noticeable eye bags under her lower lashes without even a hint of mascara, small blemishes visible on her skin even from afar. Her posture hunched over, whether from long nights spent pouring over her work or only for pure comfort- I cannot say. Her voice as she sang well past two in the morning, viola and beautiful voice together- more melodic than a lullaby could ever hope to be.
I leaned against the wall, waiting for her to see me- dressed in my favorite maroon turtleneck and black blazer, a gold ruby-encrusted pomegranate necklace glinting off my chest. She never gave me the time of day, even as I care for her more than a friend ever would. She can’t even remember to eat. Stupid. She’s just so busy, busy, busy, bu-sy, never a single goddamned moment to spare. I took a deep breath, feeling my lungs expand as if they tripled in size, my chest rising with them. I exhaled, looking down at my feet while my cheeks flamed with reddened heat. I looked back up as Elmira caught my gaze, giving me only a small wave and walking straight past me in her pretentious academic superiority. All there was left for me to do was leave, given that she didn’t even show me a smile. Shame. Her delight would outshine all others, that I’m very sure of- not that I’ve ever seen it.
My footsteps echoed through the cold fall evening, almost tapping against the sidewalk like a local performance. Two children- neither could’ve been older than nine- were walking on the sidewalk in front of me, joyful as children in jolly December. I’ve always particularly loved children. “Curse these loud shoes,” I hissed, talking to no one in particular, watching as my words and warm breath summoned frosty wisps of air on this dark, chilly evening. Elmira was staying late once again in the university library as, I can assume. I made my way to her home. I fumbled with her doorknob, my cold hands no longer nimble. I reached under the carpet for her spare key- one that I’ve seen her grab many times before.
Barely even minutes later, my body entered her living room- no longer within my control. Oh dear, oh dear, what am I about to do? My heart flails in my chest, pounding so loudly I feared the neighbors would hear it. Still, I couldn’t stop moving. I had to feel her beneath my greedy hands. I did not move gently into her room during this good night, the air full of silence and angered lust, with the faint scent of sweet pomegranate lingering throughout the room- likely from her red-stained bowl sitting plainly on her desk.
I sat down on her bed, waiting in thrilling trepidation. As the minutes passed, I stood still as I always was, letting the grandfather clock across from me fill my ears with passing time. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, hear me when I say that my body isn’t mine anymore- maybe my mind isn’t mine either.
Once- and only once I’ve felt her skin, soft and smooth as roses and redder than her beloved pomegranate beneath my fingernails, once the feel of her skin has met my fingertips will I have known true bliss. Once she has stained my hands and dirtied my nails will I know love’s grasp on the mind.
#author#creative writing#fantasy#fantasy novel#psychological#prose writing#romance#obsession#using romance tag for traction bc I love having ppl read my stuff#short story#short prose#was more fun than expected#Elmira#I might write more about her#or with her#she would be a fun character to explore#[by explore I mean exploit]#my writings#I had to write this for ela man#zlatakleos
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au Impa 👁️💧
#legend of zelda#zelda au#loz au#zelda oc#zelda#impa#loz impa#zelda fanart#daeyumi art#character design#cycle of the stars#cycle of the stars au#legend of zelda au#impa’s design was the easiest to come up with tbh#like fr ever since i decided to include her as one of the main charas in my au i pretty much knew what she would look like#& actually the 3/4ths view of impa at the top of this sheet is just a colored ver of my very first sketch of her#(i think i drew that sketch in like 2021 but didn’t rly get started on the au proper til late last year#& her ref sheet i drew this year#oh well i was never planning on rushing anything since the au is just smthn i wanna explore for fun#anyways i always liked the idea of a sheikah with their tattoos on half their face idk why i just thought it would be cool#OH & since it’s not explicitly mentioned on the ref sheet impa’s partner is zelda 🩷
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FIIIINALLY almost nailed my designs for lizzie and caspian can i get a HEEEELLL YEAAH???? i think these two make a vvery cute duo and i cannt wait to see them again. i also hope they both get hurt reaaaallly really badly. togeter
#OOOHH OH OOOHH IVE BBBEEEN REWATCHING THINGSSS ive been rewatching riptide weeee im never leaving here weeeee!!!#caspian and lizzie are SUUUUCH A CUTE COUPLE CAN I BE HONNESTT but in a princess and knight way. do you hear me.#caspian is such a 'lights her cigarette' kinda guy. hes such a dude that has made a vow to a very very special lady#he would float half of a boat w nothing but his water powers for eight days and he would do it all for her.I LOVE THEMM#IM SO HAPPY ABT LIZZIES REDESIGN BTW IM MAKIN A WHOLE DOODLY PAGE FOR HER N IM HAVING FUNNN YEAAAHHH#CASPIAN HAS ALSO BEN ENTIRELY RECYCLED IN MY MINDS EYE. they describe him as Wet sooo much. so i drew that and im happy abt it#caspian is sooo handsom in my brain thats why i draw him so rarely bc drawing pretty boys is HARD. but i DID IT.#when he first appeared i thought he was a triton too bc i didn talk to the fandom n i knew nothing abt dnd. so learning otherwise was funny#a residual effect o that mixup is me giving him ears thatre like the fins of a flying fish. he seems to light and carefree.#the lighter fins o a flying fish just fit so perfectly. also his white hair fades into mist in my mind#NOW FOR LIZZIE ART NOTES.A BLACK ROSE.sometimes a red rose.shes so roses to me!!gorgeous but coated in thorns. i wanted her hair to-#-resemble roses or smth like that. square swirls are also soo her. reevaluating her ref sheet was also fun bc WOW the triangles and birds#SO FUN!! shes so spikyy..her and caspian are such a good dynamic in everyway#personality wise and appearance wise and i wanted to capture that sortaaaa. in vibes. yknow.im veryhappy w getting their designs sorted out#ALSO I GAVE LIZZie tha jhonny da homicidal manac boots. bc i love that comic and i will never stop giving characters da boots.#also in other news ddoes anyone else still wonder abt destinys blade and how it used to be a golden lotus sword but then it also used to#be a person and caspian just had that sword for however da fuck long and then so willingly gave it to gillion after he lost his sword#llike did he know. did he know. also do you think caspian and lizzie have explored ea
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there are all of 6 fics on ao3 that come up when you search the word “disabled” in the dead boy detectives fandom. I’m dealing with a fibromyalgia flare up rn so I’ve decided to come up with some (potential!) disability/condition/syndrome/etc. headcanons. enjoy!
(oh and just to note: I stayed away from conditions with obvious facial / appearance difference as no actors with facial / appearance difference were cast in the show and I was unsure if it would be appropriate. while I have experience with a lot of the following diagnoses, I do not claim to be an expert on any of them and do not intend for this to be used as a diagnostic tool. if you feel any of these are offensive/inappropriate, please message me and I’m happy to talk about it :) this is more just to encourage broader disability representation within the fandom!)
Edwin: autistic, PTSD (from hell), chronic pain/fibromyalgia (from his death/hell), minor visual impairment (not enough to need the hard-to-come-by testing needed for glasses when he was alive and so assumed the various limits/effects were normal. was told otherwise by Niko), would’ve had shingles if lived long enough
Charles: ADHD, PTSD (from his father/growing up in an abusive household), dyslexia, Reynaud’s syndrome (either already born with it or as a result of his death—both angsty), was in the beginning stages of an ED prior to his death, post-concussion syndrome, near-sightedness (never given glasses bc he wasn’t about to tell his dad the board looked a little blurry sometimes)
Crystal: cPTSD (reminder that neglect is also abuse :), bipolar 1, IBS, endometriosis
Niko: autism, depression, POTS, hEDS, anxiety, sprite-induced agoraphobia, epilepsy, lactose intolerance
Monty: Depersonalization-derealization disorder, selective amnesia (this is not the first times Esther has messed with his form/killed and revived him, but the experience is traumatic and so his brain decides not to remember it), recurrent arrhythmia, synesthesia
Jenny: OCD, BPD, ED recovered, Celiac’s disease, diabetes type 1, anemia
TCK: autism, NPD, lactose intolerance, colourblind
Esther: chronic pain (I’m choosing to believe that the cane isn’t just for show!!), NPD, endometriosis
Tragic Mick: cPTSD, depression, HoH, arthritis, diabetes
(The Night Nurse , the Dandelion Sprites, and various other characters felt either too supernatural and/or not developed enough to assign anything to lmao)
#maybe I’ll give edwin fibromyalgia to project on him again#also just to be clear none of this is meant to demonise or speak poorly on any of these conditions !!!#ppl are just varied and have varied bodies and I think it’s fun to explore that with fictional characters :)#lmk which you agree/don’t agree with !!!#also while I don’t see most of the characters as deaf/HoH I do think Charles and Niko have the potential to be CODA(s?)#like I think Charles’s mom and Niko’s dad could’ve been deaf/HoH#granted idk if Charles would know any BSL bc of his father#but I think Niko would know JSL!#she loses her dad and then has no one to use it with :((((#like her mom maybe stops signing or was never great at signing with her husband’s death#and Niko’s father’s friends don’t really hang around even before she’s sent to the states yk#let the record show I was very tempted to give Edwin all sorts of chronic shit that was popular at the turn of the century#but like polio felt a bit too far#TCK is based on how cats are ofc#I think Crystal having manic episodes and having to come to terms with the fact that it doesn’t make her a bad person would be interesting#also Monty is roughly based on how crows be but like how it would translate wrong if that makes sense#like crows can see more colors than humans so I think that screws with his senses in human form => synesthesia#you could give most of them here ptsd just from the events of the show but that felt too repetitive so I kept it to pre show traumas#lmk what yall think#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#monty the crow#jenny the butcher#esther finch#the cat king#tragic mick
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🧡 My full piece for PrisMagic by @dotzines starring my OC girlie as a magical girl
#my art#zine stuff#oc tag#magical girl oc#pmmm oc#digital painting#original character#so! I don't have lots figured out for her but there are some fun character facts#I struggled having her soul gem on her back to show on the reflection but had to give up on that idea#she has a buttefly theme going on so I thought the glass cases would be a nice symbolic backdrop with her breaking out of one#I don't feel that was the best way to explore that concept the priority of this composition ended up being showing off her outfit more than#anything which is fair enoughh#wish vaguely hinted at by the symbolic bg ™️ I'll leave it open for interpretation
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Okay listen odysseus is ha! I was lying to you wasn't that funny rat bastard and penelope is no no I was telling the truth it's not my fault that you didn't catch the deliberate misinformation rat bastard
#the odyssey#epic the musical#odysseus#penelope#odypen#Odypen being 🥰🤝 rats bastards in love#Generally I am a if odysseus would do this so would penelope person#But also penelope does deserve to be her own person so I'm exploring her character more deeply#Odysseus: will lie to you about everything and to everyone#He does find it funny but#In the odyssey at least there's almost a boyish quality to it where five minutes later he bursts out laughing and has to brag about it#Verse penelope who isn't really lying#But she is spreading misinformation on purpose and leaving things out to make a trap#(Mostly for her and her families safety but I imagine she does it for fun too)#Odysseus is short term con penelope is long term#Telemachus is just enjoying having both parents home and being free from the suitors#He's a shy boy who has not yet grown into his rat bastardness but I imagine he will one day
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In your Lucky Clover AU, would Starlo join the Royal Guard because; A, it would give some validity to his sheriff claim and; B, so that he could get word and try to deflect any investigations for the missing human that the Royal Guard launch.
This was such an interesting ask I really had to sit with it for a while. Huge ramble ahead!
So, this idea fascinated me solely because this is a little bit of what the situation is with Martlet in this AU. After Clover decided to live in the underground post Pacifist ending, she put in her two weeks and quit, since she does NOT want to risk being ordered to kill or hunt down Clover, or any other humans for that matter.
It's something she struggles with a lot; not only because she's jobless for a while and probably has to ask for financial assistance from Dalv/Ceroba/Starlo, but also because she KNOWS being in the Royal Guard would give the gang some insider intel on the missing human investigations. Maybe it would've been better to tough it out in a job she wasn't content with just to get that info, to protect Clover? While her friends reassure her that this was the best decision, for her and for Clover's safety, it's something Martlet struggles with for a while, especially considering how some Snowdin Monsters side eye for her suddenly leaving her post and job.
Now, for Starlo. If the situation called for it, would Starlo try and join the Royal Guard? Perhaps if there was no other option! He's the kind of person to go above and beyond for the people he cares about, sometimes to reckless degree. However, I think his relationship with the Royal Guard is far too sour for him to ever be considered for a job with them, based on this line from Ceroba.
Dude literally has made a habit out of locking Royal Guards in his town's jail. Undyne is NOT accepting him into her ranks LOL. (I honestly HC that although Undyne and Starlo have a lot in common and some similarities, they probably would hate each other if they met or were forced to engage in conversation with one another LOL).
As it stands in the AU, none of our main cast has any connections to the Royal Guard, as much as they would like having some kind of way of getting side info, in order to protect Clover. Martlet is in a weird spot with her old co workers, and Starlo's pre-Pacifist ending habits and way of running his town had pretty much killed any chance of that. The best they can do is just keep their eyes and ears peeled in order to ensure no Royal Guard ever discovers Clover secretly living in the Underground.
#the cowboy hat yodels#lucky clover au#Thank you for such a great ask! Really picked my brain#One of my favourite tidbits of this AU is exploring how much the characters change after Clover decides to live in the Underground#Starlo in particular regrets a lot of his reckless behaviour so this is def a convo that would come up#and Martlet basically has her routine totally uprooted but copes with it because she loves Clover that much#The idea of one of the main gang joining the Royal Guard in order to deflect investigations and get secret info is EXTREMELY juicy#But I've never been able to find a way for one of them to feasibly join the Royal Guard so! Just some fun food for thought
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saw you wrote reverse robins too, it always has a thing for me. what's your headcanon about it? any particular ship you like?
oh i ADORE Revers Robins, i wish i got the chance to write it more! i think there's something interesting in the challenge of flipping these characters and trying to see how they would change in each other's arcs. How Tim would approach being Red Hood, how Damian would approach being Nightwing, etc. it's all so interesting to me. some headcanons i have are
i think, making Damian the oldest and forcing him to mature on his own with just Bruce is fascinating. bc it's going to make a *very* emotionally closed-off Bruce. the bulk of Damian opening up happens when he's Dick's Robin, so to make it just him and Bruce destabilizes a lot of that. Bruce chose Dick, but if Damian's the oldest, it's likely he didn't choose Damian, he got stuck with him. which adds to their dynamic and imo makes Damian a bit more stunted in the way Dick is, in that being raised solely by Bruce can make one. emotionally constipated. i do think Damian would be forced to mature a lot faster and would be a very quiet person.
i've mentioned this in a post talking about JayTim in RR AUs, but Tim as Red Hood would be *far* more calculating, imo. i think a lot of the emotion of Jason's actions would be stripped from it. even if you make Tim a killer (such as when Tim is Savior in a future universe) he's never going to be a "heads in a duffel bag" killer. he's going to be planned and methodical about it. (like how he almost killed Boomerang) half of his plans would be hidden from Bruce and i think part of the game for Tim would just be seeing how much Bruce even figures out.
replacing Tim with Jason instead of vice versa is interesting, bc it forces Jason to enter the role of Robin with a lot more caution. i think his backstory still works in a RR situation, street kid Bruce just kinda plucked from nowhere and called Robin. bc Bruce is grieving, and this if the first kid whose mischief sort of reminds him of Tim. but bc there's a dead Robin before Jason, it means he's going to be treated with much more care. and his anger regarding entering a Red Robin role could be interesting bc he is known for his anger and i do think he'd be far more violent about the transition, as opposed to Tim's self isolation route.
for RR, i always always prefer that it's Damian who adopts Dick. usually i like it best as Damian adopting Dick when Bruce is "dead", but i think it also works if Bruce is alive when Dick comes into the picture. it'd make for a stunted relationship bc of how closed off Damian is while *wanting* to do right by this kid, or at least do better than Bruce did. and i think Damian as Dick's mentor figure would make how Dick confronts his anger very different.
as for Steph, in any case where i do a Reverse Robins, mentally know i'm also picturing it with a Reverse Batgirls. and to keep from Cass just not moving around, i'd include Helena's time as Batgirl and thus, Steph is Oracle, Cass is Huntress, Helena is Black Bat, and Babs is Spoiler. which, makes canon ships like TimSteph and DickBabs a lot of fun. also you have a lot of curious things to explore by flipping Cass and Helena's moral codes under their vigilante titles. Cass as an outsider to the Batfam instead of being under Bruce and Babs' wings? could *really* force her to do unsavory things. and Helena with more support could be a bit softer around the edges. honestly, i could make a whole post about Reverse Batgirls too bc i think most RR AUs don't tend to address the women in it, which is terrible. gimme Oracle!Steph. and with Spoiler!Babs, if you play with Babs brother that rarely exists being the person she becomes Spoiler to stop, that could be super fun.
as for my favorite RR ships: i'm a suck for RR!TimDami. i think it's just bc of all ships, that one tends to play with the AU the most, in my experience? which is *so* fun bc Nightwing!Damian and Red Hood!Tim struggling to reconcile is everything. i devour every fick. i'm also particular to JayTim, just bc i think Jason as Robin seeing Red Hood!Tim would *immediately* be too interested for his own good as he copes with his anger of being replaced as Robin. but seriously any RR ship if the worldbuilding is done well will always draw me in. i just adore seeing how ppl explore filling in the logical loopholes and if backstories need to be adjusted or not and how personalities would naturally change in the situation. it's endlessly fascinating to me.
#necrotic answerings#reverse robin au#reverse robins#reverse batgirls#that should be a tag and it's a crime that it's NOT#I never see ppl tackle how to handle Steph in reverse robin#I think I saw one fic where *she* was Red Hood that was enlightened#otherwise she tends to be glossed over#which is a tragedy.#let women exist in the Batfam.#also Jason as the third Robin would be the one dealing with jean-paul with damian#which would be SO interesting by God.#like I wanna explore these characters in each others plots as part of this AU#would they be on each other's teams?#Tim on the outlaws#Jason on young justice#and so on#bc that is also SO fun.#how do the team dynamics shift yk.#also Steph as oracle I think would be a direct result of Bruce never taking her seriously as batgirl#which would be why Steph would form the birds of prey when she becomes oracle to cope with it all#could be fun.#Steph and Helena having the relationship that Babs and Cass have in canon? PEAK.
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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I’m the anon that sent in all the Ruby stuff! It makes me so happy that you love her so much. I didn’t expect her to be such a beloved character to you and I was kind of nervous that you would have hated her tbh. ^^;
Something Ruby related — I had a fic about Twig and co. confronting the siblings before I ultimately scrapped it because I could not write villainous characters without making them feel cliché. I do remember this one line said by Ruby’s sister when she lashes out towards Twig:
“You wouldn’t get it. You have a cushy life style and you baby your daughter instead of actually raising her. We’re doing that ungrateful, spoiled brat a favor — we’re teaching her how to survive. You wouldn’t know the meaning of that with that silver spoon in your mouth.”
I don’t blame you for struggling with not making the siblings feel cliché— writing villainous characters gets 900x more difficult the second you don’t want to make them sympathetic. Ark was fairly simple for me to write, even in scrapped scenes where he was all-in with his villainous role during the events of the post-game. Twig’s aunt, meanwhile, gave me a heck of a hard time while I was developing her backstory.
#this anon (while offering the most precious character to me free of charge): I hope Sofie doesn’t hate this character :/#meanwhile I am foaming at the mouth from how much I love Ruby and everything she adds to the AU#on a semi-related note I’ve been debating whether or not to make Twig evolving into a charizard officially canon#it’d be a neat idea but I’d miss drawing her as a charmeleon :<#I think if she DOES end up evolving it would be during her pursuit of Ruby’s siblings.#they’d bolt when they realized they’re outmatched by a world-class explorer who’s also a ticked off mother#and they’re able to run much faster than she is able to.#they’re fine. they just need to put a little more distance between them and those maniacs and then keep their heads down for a while—#—change up the disguises they use and skip town when the coast is clear. they’re fine.#they can go grab Ruby and teach her a lesson for giving them so much trouble after the heat dies down.#Meanwhile Twig has sprouted wings and is rapidly closing in on their location whilst lit on fire.#it’d be a fun parallel if this is how things play out; Grovyle evolved from a treecko during an attack so he could protect Twig.#Now Twig is doing the same for one of her own loved ones.#not sure if I’ll make it canon but it sure is fun to think about!#the present is a gift au#shadow baby AU#pmd darkrai#pmd ocs#pmd oc#pokemon mystery dungeon#pokémon mystery dungeon#pmd#sofie answers asks#stuff by sofie
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I gotta wonder how old Clive was when they found out he wasn't the Phoenix. And what things were like for the Rosfields then.
Was Anabella a decent mother to him then? Did she dote on him the way she did Joshua and Olivier? I think she favored her two youngest most because she saw them as an accomplishment she could take pride in, like a beloved trophy or collectible that she worked hard for. Had she seen the same in Clive when he was younger? If they didn't know right away when he was born, Clive must have been 4 at the oldest when they found out he wasn't the Phoenix. To be that little and having a loving and doting mother who all of a sudden hates you must have been devastating.
And what about Elwin? We all know his love for his firstborn never wavered, but if Ana had cared for Clive in those early days, it must have been a near perfect life. To have wealth, status, the promise of a throne, a loving beautiful wife and a darling baby boy would have been a dream come true in a world and time like that. And then they come to find out that Clive isn't the Phoenix, and Ana does a complete 180 and becomes a loathsome, hateful woman in Elwin's eyes. His happy family is shattered all because the mother of his precious child decided he wasn't good enough.
Lastly of course, what about Clive? As an adult he might not have many memories from when he was little, even before Joshua was born, but what about as a teen before the event at Phoenix Gate? Would he go to his little hideaway with Torgal and remember the times when his mother was actually nice to him? Acted like she loved him? Would he long for that Anabella, who would actually look at him with a mother's love and smile at him? Had she ever held him, kissed him, called him her "darling boy"?
I can't decide what would be worse, Clive having a mother who once loved him and then scorned him, or a mother that never loved him at all
#clive rosfield#elwin rosfield#anabella rosfield#final fantasy xvi#final fantasy xvi spoilers#sometimes i just like to think about what might go through a character's head and ask if that's why they act the way they act#like i have no sympathy for anabella. she's awful. but i would love to know WHY she's awful#it's no excuse because she had probably the exact same upbringing as Elwin and he grew up to be a very good man#but the mind of a villain is so fun to explore
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There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.
#hush frenchy#we went to the coffin shop today in vallaki#and our rogue triggered combat SIMPLY because he didn't want to leave the house without looting every single room#to clarify: WE HAD ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE#we literally just needed to get out#but the rogue's player was like cmoooon its no fun to leave without looting everything we can get our hands on#now everything we're doing has gone to absolute shit#and to clarify: its going to be very interesting!!#and I feel like I would've been just fine with the result#IF it had been for any other reason besides that this one player seems to think that we're in a video game#like if there had been some kind of character motivation? or genuine concern that we were missing a piece of something we were looking for?#totally fine!! love that in fact!!#but just stealing shit because 'you're the rogue' feels... idk.#it just feels like it's a totally different game than the rest of us are playing#and now we ALL have to deal with the consequences#i just. urgh. i do not know what to do#i am gonna talk to the dm and see if she noticed the same thing as me#and try to brainstorm we the players can do to impart a sense of balance for people with different play styles#but i just feel like despite repeated efforts by the dm to be like hey this is a game for exploration and character engagement#the player is just ignoring that and doing Whatever He Feels Like#ANYWAY SORRY RANT OVER#I'm just really in love with this game and having one really thorny part is just HNG#positive note: the wizard whipped out alter self and thought he was the coolest guy in the whole world#despite repeatedly missing in combat#it was very cute and i wish Wyn wasn't absolutely certain that she was about to die#because she would absolutely stroke his ego about it simply to see him preen#the fighter was also very sweet and keeps working so hard to protect wyn#and since I'm a fighter in my other game i know where to put myself to make it easier for him so there's a lot of synergy#IT'S JUST VERY CUTE AND NICE AND GOOD. I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT
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(More thoughts and drafting! Some weird formatting I know but it was all one block in my notes)
Emma is doing just fine. Average. It’s really not so bad.
She’s just been dealing with a lot of change. And with too many things not changing.
Which is… an odd thing to struggle with.
Because she likes change. Daunting challenges. The unpredictable. Doing new things every day and never being scared of them. And she likes independence.
She had thought so, at least.
After the show, she had been hit in the face with just how… isolated she was. She had only had two friends before the first season, but she had left them behind. Her mother wasn’t doing the best, and she didn’t have any nearby family.
She found herself laying in her bed in the middle of the day most of the time, scrolling through her contacts and old conversations.
Or scrolling through her comments on TikTok.
A few weeks ago, she had tried some stunt involving a motorcycle and an inflatable pool. She probably wouldn’t have messed it up if her hands weren’t trembling.
(She had forgot to check the breaks, and wasn’t sure if they were working.)
(They were.)
The blood dripping down her face and the gash in her lip didn’t sting as much as it did watching the video.
She looked ridiculous, and she probably always did. It was better when she had someone else to do it with. Maybe she was losing her touch.
She didn’t post the video.
She turned back to dancing instead, which did feel less embarassing, despite the constant mocking feedback. Sure, the jokes were “funny”, but she didn’t care about any of it. She didn’t feel the rush, she wasn’t planning every day, and she wasn’t known or loved for anything.
Except for what she lost.
And, the show, to an extent.
-Ugh, she misses the show. She shouldn’t, but as stupid as it sounds, she really did. She missed doing crazy things and talking to people. Having a chance of winning. Beating everyone. Being cheered on. It wasn’t always great, but at least it was something. She misses doing something.
And she really misses Bowie. She missed Bowie, but she knows better than anyone that she can’t go back to that. They just- have better things to do now. He probably does.
He’s got Raj- which is great! And she’s happy for him! She’s happy for everyone. For Wayne, however he’s doing, for Julia, despite everything.
And Caleb. For having Priya.
Emma is jealous that Bowie gets to have someone.
Emma is jealous that everyone else gets to have someone.
Emma is jealous that, unlike everyone else, winning the show probably wouldn’t have made her any happier.
She isn’t sure what would.
#cw injury mention#(very brief)#writing her always feels weird because I like to explore things that weren’t at all touched in canon#because we only see her as angry at Chase or lighthearted and silly#but I think she’d feel sort of empty. especially with how much attention she would be used to and craving#with Chase and her number of fans. I think she'd struggle with individuality a lot.#and you can't just be super angry and then careless.. like she would have a lot of guilt too#like e4s2 and when Bowie and her fought are what I’m going off of#plus she’s portrayed as a person who wants validation/social interaction/close relationships#and she doesn’t really have that. she doesn't get people and she only really has Chase#also you can’t tell me she loves TikTok and it’s so good for her mental health lol I use TikTok and nobody has ever thought that#but yeah it’s hard to analyze and elaborate on a character who’s been kind of wasted in canon#but still I think there’s so many fun ways to view her#original post#total drama#total drama island#total drama 2023#total drama reboot#td spoilers#technically this is Priyemma based but I won’t tag it as such cus it isn’t obvious. The Priyaleb line hints to that#I think Emma would have gotten really attached to her though.. arghhh.#because Priya trusted her and supported her and liked her and she hasn’t actually had that before. She hadn't been cared about as her own#person. and her missing Bowie… oomph it hurts. auuughgusuughh#gah sorry for ranting lol but I love her#td Emma#Emma td#tdi Emma#Emma tdi#total drama emma#emma total drama
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I always think about how in multiple episodes it's basically canon that Blanche is bi but considers dating women to be more hassle (which is a whole rabbit hole to go down - does she struggle with societal homophobia when she's with women? Has she only been with fellow high maintenance femmes when shes really after a Dorothy type? Has she internalized the idea that her attraction to women isn't 'real'? Her reaction to Clayton adds to these questions). Not to mention how this goes together with her relationships with the girls; making to kiss Rose that one time (and Rose multiple times seeming very aware of Blanche's proclivities), begging Dorothy for 'relief' and being convinced she's attracted to women too.
Yes, anon! It’s really interesting to delve into Blanche’s psyche about all this stuff!
I started writing down my thoughts and ended up with a long ramble -- allow me to place it all under a cut, so I don't clog up anyone's dash, haha.
Personally, I think she has some strong mental blocks when it comes to her sexuality because of the way she was brought up. I mean, she grew up in Atlanta approx in the 1930s/1940s — I’m sure I don’t have to detail the kind of casual bigotry she must have seen around her during her formative years! Just look at the story she recounts in S1E13 A Little Romance:
“Now, you have to understand that in those days in the South a lot of things were still taboo. Certain people were not to mix. So Benjamin and I had to meet in secret. Oh, we knew if any of the bigots in town found out about us, there’d be a terrible scandal.”
And all of this because Benjamin was a yankee… can you imagine what ‘the bigots in town’ thought about homosexuality? Yeah, I’m pretty sure Blanche learned to suppress that part of herself very early on. We know she turns to denial when she’s faced with uncomfortable truths and emotions she can’t deal with, so I think she likely just refuses to acknowledge that part of herself most of the time, and it only comes out (pun intended!) when she’s not paying much attention to things, or when there’s something more important going on. See the two examples you point out: when she tries to kiss Rose she’s concerned with not being kissed at midnight, and when she propositions Dorothy she’s, well… she’s desperate to get some, if we can be frank.
When she’s in a more rational state, her reactions tend to be more measured… but not by much. She does advise Rose not to date women (S3E10 The Audit):
“Oh, no, honey, don’t do that! No job is worth having to date women!”
But she’s also really flattered at receiving lots and lots of phone calls from women, after her appearance as a ‘lesbian’ on TV (S7E15 Goodbye, Mr Gordon):
“By the way, Dorothy, if I were a lesbian, I sure would be a popular one. Look at this, 20 calls.”
And of course we can’t forget her reaction to finding out that Jean has a crush on Rose in S2E5 Isn’t It Romantic?:
“Jean has the hots for Rose? I don’t believe it, I do not believe it! […] To think Jean would prefer Rose over me? That’s ridiculous! […] Now you tell me the truth: if you had to pick between Rose and me, who would you pick? Who?”
All of these are (likely) intended to be jokes about her vanity and her libertine nature (in the same way as Rose’s observations are), but considering a lot of the writers of this show were queer themselves, it wouldn’t seem strange to me if they were intentionally peppered in to suggest that Blanche might be a bisexual in denial. It certainly fits her character!
I haven’t spoken about her reaction to Clayton’s coming out yet, but that’s immensely interesting too, of course. I think Blanche has the same attitude towards homosexuality that I see in a lot of (mostly older) people in my Country nowadays: it’s fine as a general concept, but when it comes to her family (or, God forbid, herself) then the problems come out. See for example what she says about Jean:
“Well, I’ll never understand what Jean doesn’t see in the opposite sex, but if that makes her happy, that’s fine by me!”
Which isn’t a homophobic attitude at all! If anything, if you take her upbringing into account, it’s pretty accepting. But then, when Clayton comes out to her (S4E9 Scared Straight) and tells her he wants to get married (S6E14 Sister Of The Bride), this is what she says:
“Oh, Clayton, please be serious. You're just saying that so I won't set you up with any more women. […] Well, then you're saying it 'cause you're trying to get back at me for something. Clay, I know you too well for this. After all, I know it can't be true. You're my brother. […] Clayton Hollingsworth. You look me in the face and tell me you really are… what you just said you are.”
“I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.”
“[…] Dorothy, that's different. We're talking about going out in public. Oh, what are people gonna say?”
“Will you tell me why you want to put yourself and Doug through this? You know how people can be.”
“Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?”
Quite the difference from her attitude towards Jean, wouldn’t you say? I think there’s three elements at play here.
1) When Clayton comes out to Blanche, she feels disoriented because this is life-changing information Clayton has never shared with her before. While her reaction as a whole isn’t ideal, personally I think it’s understandable. Clayton is her baby brother; she’s known him as straight all his life, he’s been married to a woman for years before his divorce, and she recounts an episode from their adolescence when he was on a date with a woman and very clearly implicated having a physical encounter with her. He's done everything in his power to pass as straight until this point in time -- I don't find it strange that Blanche would be shocked at his coming out, especially given her upbringing (and the fact that this is set in the 80s! We can't expect modern sensibilities from the characters!). Once again, her reaction isn't the best (she can't even bring herself to say the word 'gay' at first...), but the shock per se isn't that surprising, imho.
2) Blanche is scared because of societal implications above all. She doesn't necessarily see being queer as something wrong, but she's been taught it's not socially acceptable and acts accordingly. Notice how she's worried about what people are going to say, and she struggles to accept that Clayton wants the whole world to know about his relationship with Doug.
Societal expectations in general are a big theme for Blanche's character, and often drive her development; another big example of this is her attitude towards Rebecca's decision to get artificially inseminated, but it's a bit of a baseline issue for her, I feel. She has this whole thing about her beauty and her (supposed) youth and her attractiveness that has some inherent elements, but it's mostly an issue of how other people perceive her, I think, and her response to her brother's coming out is easy to relate to this theme. I mean, she even says it to Rose in S7E15:
"Well, I don't mind being labeled a lesbian, honey, but since I'm not, you just ruined my social life."
So yeah. I think it's safe to say her main concern is societal disapproval of queerness: she wants to be accepted and celebrated by the people around her, and she thinks that being openly queer will destroy her place in her social circle (and she's worried about the same happening to Clayton too, of course).
3) This is sort of related to point 2, but it felt distinct enough to treat it separately. I think she might have reacted so badly to Clayton's coming out (and especially to his showing up with a partner) because he's open about his sexuality, and she's not ready to face what that means for her. My lovely mutual @\hecatesbroom recently published her latest amazing work the odd one(s) out, on the relationship between Dorothy and her brother Phil and how Phil's open queerness might have impacted Dorothy; I think a similar situation might have occurred between Blanche and Clayton after his coming out.
Blanche has a sort of advantage on Dorothy because of her bisexuality, in the sense that she has 'passing privilege' (I really dislike this concept, but allow me to use it to make a point): it's painfully clear that she loved her late husband with all her heart, and she's obviously attracted to men as well, so she can pretend not to like women without too much of a hassle (whereas, if you believe Dorothy to be a repressed lesbian, her situation is much more complicated).
The issue with this is that this 'advantage' is a double-edged sword: she might have the comfort of being socially acceptable, but she's had to suffocate a big part of herself to obtain that comfort. And so, what happens when Clayton -- her baby brother Clayton, the one who's always been just like her, who's grown up with her same environment and influences -- begins openly living as a gay man? I'm sure the situation must have had a strong impact on her, even if just on a subconscious level; I've always found it curious that she seems to have a harder time accepting Clayton in S6E14 than she does in S4E9 (she even calls his sexuality a phase), and while a part of it may be attributed to the higher social exposure Clayton's commitment to Doug brings, I think this may be a result of her inner conflict, provoked by watching her brother live openly while she's been suppressing a part of herself all her life.
Here I'm assuming she's never acted upon her attraction to women before, but there's some space to believe she has done so and has decided it's too much of a hassle, as you say -- likely because she'd for sure do it in secret, given her fear of societal condemnation. If she has been with women before, and decided to give up on it, I still think she'd be greatly impacted by Clayton's coming out: it means her baby brother is a) braver than she is, and b) going to openly face (and likely suffer because of) the same social issues she's run away from. In this lens, I find it interesting that she cautions him about how people can be, almost as if they've both experienced it.
Whew. Wow, this was a lot more than I'd originally meant to write, haha! Seems you sparked a big train of thought, anon! I think all of the Girls (with the possible exception of Sophia) are really fascinating to analyze with a queer lens, and Blanche is always interesting to me, of course. As a final note, I'd like to point out that she does come around to Clayton's sexuality and his relationship, in the end: as often happens, she just needs the Girls' help to put things back in perspective, understand she's hurting someone she loves, and correct her actions. I'd like to think living with the Girls might lead to her becoming more accepting of herself, too.
#this was so much fun!! you helped me pass the time on about two and a half hours of train rides anon :)#this is... Long lmao. but are we surprised? i always end up talking at length#and this subject is Very interesting to me for obvious reasons so...#there's a lot more that could be said i think. all her homoerotic moments with the girls?#dancing with rose? playing pretend with dorothy?#and all the times sophia jokes about them? 'you couldn't stay in the closet for one more day'?#all fascinating stuff no matter how you look at it#i really think her homophobia stems from societal expectations honestly. she *never* expresses the opinion that being gay is wrong per se#she doesn't think it's unnatural or against god or anything like that. the worst thing she says is that 'phase' comment imho#she thinks it's *socially unacceptable*. which is a whole different thing#and considering blanche's whole thing with being accepted by society i feel like a queer in denial storyline really fits her character#like. think of even just this:#blanche devereaux. known for being libertine and unashamed of her sexuality (to the point of being labelled 'a slut').#often described as 'selfish' and 'self-centered'. focused on satisfying her desires and wishes at all times#this woman? having to deny a part of said desires for her entire life? the contrast is DELICIOUS to me#this big fear of societal disapproval was the angle i went with for my blanche/rose fic! it was set at the end of s2#so this was really all i could explore. but it would have been fun to throw clayton into the mix#i really think seeing him be so open about himself had a profound effect on her#oh look at me rambling in the tags too haha. excellent observations anon! thank you for sending this ask!#if you have any more thoughts i'd love to read them!!#oh and also -- when does blanche say she thinks dorothy's attracted to women?#i don't remember it and i'm *very* curious about it#the golden girls#blanche devereaux#golden wives#ask
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drew my hc for tak and Mimi :)
here’s zim, dib and gaz
#I made mimi look fluffy for funnzies#also kinda mischievous cuz I thought that would be funny#tak was really fun to draw#kitty giggles#invader zim#invader tak#tak invader zim#invader zim tak#tak#tak iz#iz tak#mimi invader zim#invader zim mimi#mimi iz#iz mimi#I love tak sm. I wish we could’ve seen more of her in the show.#she’s very interesting to me. I feel like she’s a fun character to explore ngl#invader zim fanart#iz fanart#invader zim headcanon#kittyz scribblez
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For a show about acceptance and meeting people where they are, it’s weirdly judgmental of Shandy.
Everyone looks down on Shandy, even the “AFC himbos” & Higgins (the knowing looks and “oooohs” when Keeley says they’re friends). No way Shandy earned this job! She’s too stupid! But Keeley saw Shandy’s potential with her strobe light idea. Wish Keeley defended her more...
Shandy’s always too much. She’s too forthcoming. She’s too unapologetic. She’s too outrageous. She’s too ambitious. Funny how the same behaviours are rewarded in white characters, especially white women.
Shandy and Keeley share similar beginnings (”you made it out!”) but the narrative is much kinder to Keeley. She’s obscenely unprofessional towards her boss? Girl bonding :) She prioritises her work? Go work ethics :) She jokes around? So likeable :) She speaks up? Girl power :)
Shandy supposedly can’t stomach rejection due to failed relationships. But it makes no sense??? She’s in an industry notorious for rejecting people. She endured scathing ridicule from Barbara. Everybody patronises her. She keeps going. But Keeley asking to change the tag line was too much?? Shandy scream-quits after being chastised once? Bullshit.
Some will blame it on her ambition getting to her head but... she’s been open about that and believed in herself from the start? Her ambition didn’t hinder her ability to work then so why should it now? And it’s normal to want to be the boss?? Most of us are just too shy to say it lol.
For a show about second chances, funny how Shandy doesn’t get that. Having the only woc be a ditzy underserving bimbo who doesn’t belong and later becomes white women’s tormentor? Not great.
#ted lasso#shandy fine#my/rambling#she was fun/flirty/outrageous#and would have made a great addition to the cast#and FINALLY ANOTHER WOC#maybe the show wanted to explore how excesses can be bad#which is fine#but why use the only woc???#add another white character instead#(haven't watched today's ep so this post might be outdated)
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