#she will always be great and I hope someday she can win the title

[galaxygeeksunite]

Mia Yim kicked ass last night! She may not have won the match but she won the crowd and announcers over!

[iwanthermidnightz]

When she was 18, Taylor Swift wrote a song called “Fifteen.” “Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine,” she sang, sounding more like a wizened great-grandmother than a rising senior.

“Fifteen” is evocative, if a little sanitized: Nimble mandolin strums mimic the nervous-excited butterflies of the first day of high school, as Swift sings of wide-eyed hope that “one of those senior boys will wink at you and say, ‘You know I haven’t seen you around before.’”

There was a certain emotional truth to the lyrics — do several years’ age difference ever seem more consequential than when you’re a teenager? — but some older listeners were skeptical. “You applaud her skill,” wrote a critic for the Guardian in a mixed review of Swift’s second album, “Fearless,” “while feeling slightly unsettled by the thought of a teenager pontificating away like Yoda.”

Swift, now 31, sings, “When you are young they assume you know nothing,” on “Folklore,” an LP that is both compositionally mature and braided throughout with references to the specific, oft-denigrated wisdom of teenagers. By the end of that song, “Cardigan,” the narrator has excavated such a heap of florid but emotionally lucid memories that she must conclude, with the force of a sudden revelation, “I knew everything when I was young.”

Though it’s not as flashy a topic as exes, fame or A-list celebrity feuds, age has long been a recurring theme in Swift’s work. A numerology enthusiast with a particular attachment to 13, Swift has also released a handful of songs whose titles refer to specific ages: “Seven,” “Fifteen,” and, of course, “22,” the chatty “Red” hit on which she summed up that particular junction of emerging adulthood as feeling “happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time.” Like her contemporary Adele, Swift seems to enjoy time-stamping her music, sometimes presenting it like a public-facing scrapbook that will always remind her what it felt like to be a certain age — even if, with their millions of fans and armfuls of Grammys, neither of these women is exactly typical.

Swift’s critics have often seemed even more hyper attuned to her age. Perhaps because precocity played such a role in her story from the beginning — at 14, she became the youngest artist to sign a publishing deal with Sony/ATV; at 20, she became the youngest to win the album of the year Grammy — many listeners have been fascinated with how her evolution into adulthood has, or hasn’t, played out in her songs. People comb Swift’s lyrics for allusions to sex, alcohol and profanity as meticulously as MPAA representatives do a borderline-PG movie. Particular attention was paid to her 2017 album “Reputation” and its several mentions of drunkenness and dive bars — even though Swift was 27 when it came out.

The relative puritanism of Swift’s music up until “Reputation” did feel like an intentional decision: Unlike the female pop stars who broadcast their “loss of innocence” as a sudden and irrevocable transformation, Swift seemed acutely conscious that she did not want to repel younger listeners — or lose the approval of their parents. At best, it felt like an acceptance of her status as a role model; at worst, it had the whiff of a marketing strategy.

But the mounting obsession with whether Swift was “acting her age” also reflected a larger societal double standard. Famous or not, women face much more intense scrutiny around age, whether it’s those constant cultural reminders of the biological clock’s supposed ticking or the imperative that women of all ages stay “fresh-faced” or risk their own obsolescence. (“People say I’m controversial,” Madonna said in 2016. “But I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.”) And while girlish youth and ingenuity are rewarded in some contexts, they’re also easily dismissed as silly and frivolous as soon as that girl strays too close to the sun — as Swift has experienced time and again.

Despite having once been a teenage girl myself (unlike a lot of music critics), I confess that I am not completely free of these internalized biases. I was initially dismissive of “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince,” a song that appeared on Swift’s 2019 album “Lover.” The first few times I heard it, I wondered what a grown woman on the cusp of 30 was doing still writing about homecoming queens and teenage gossip.

But over time, I’ve come to appreciate the song and its dark vision, which acknowledges cruelty, depression and the threat of sexual violence (“Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?”) more directly than any of the songs Swift wrote when she was an actual teenager. The senior boys in this song are not the sort who wink and say to freshman girls wholesome things like, “Haven’t seen you around before” — which, unfortunately, makes them feel more authentic. Even the title “Miss Americana” alludes to a larger world outside the high school walls, and the greater systemic forces that keep such patterns repeating well into adulthood.

“Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince” now feels like a precursor to some of the richest songs on “Folklore,” which finds Swift returning once again to her school days with the keen, selectively observant eye of an adult. Consider “Seven,” an impressionistic recreation of her perspective at that age. The second verse, charmingly, plays like a first-grader’s breathless sequence of unguarded observations:

“And I’ve been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why/And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won’t have to cry.”

But “Seven” is not cutesy so much as poignant, because of the tensions that result when Swift’s adult perspective interjects. “Please, picture me in the trees, before I learned civility,” she sings in a yearning soprano, prompting the listener to wonder what sorts of feral pleasure she — and all of us — have exchanged for the supposed “civility” of adulthood.

Quite a few songs on “Evermore,” Swift’s second release of 2020, also toggle between past and present, conscious of what is lost and gained by the passage of time. The playful “Long Story Short” passes a note to Swift’s younger self (“Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things”), while “Dorothea,” like “Seven,” revisits a fevered childhood friendship from the cool perspective of adulthood.

Most striking is the bonus track “Right Where You Left Me,” a twangy tale of a “girl who got frozen” (“Time went on for everybody else, she won’t know it/She’s still 23, inside her fantasy”). That language echoes something Swift admits in the 2020 Netflix documentary “Miss Americana”: “There’s this thing people say about celebrities, that they’re frozen at the age they got famous. And that’s kind of what happened to me. I had a lot of growing up to do just trying to catch up to 29.”

But Swift’s recent songs, at their best, understand that “growing up” isn’t always a linear progression in the direction of something more valuable. Take the “Folklore” songs “Cardigan” and “Betty,” which use an interconnected set of characters to chronicle teenage drama and celebrate the heightened emotional knowledge of youth. “I’m only 17, I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you,” Swift sings in the voice of James, a high schooler who broke Betty’s heart and has shown up on her doorstep to ask forgiveness. Maybe that is a melodramatic thing to do; maybe it is the sort of thing adults could stand to do more often. Swift’s music helps us to remember that growing up doesn’t automatically mean growing wiser — it can just as easily mean compromise, self-denial and growing numb to emotions we once felt with bracing intensity.

In a gesture to regain control of her songs, Swift is currently rerecording her first six albums (her master recordings were recently sold by Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings to the investment firm Shamrock Capital). Last month she released a note-for-note update of her early hit “Love Story,” and has promised to release an entire new-old version of “Fearless (Taylor’s Version)” later this year. It has been amusing to think of Swift going back and inhabiting the voice of her teenage self: On the face of it, “Fifteen” is particularly surreal to imagine her singing as an adult.

In another way, though, “Fifteen” — with its distant reflections on the youthful folly of expectations — makes more sense and carries more emotional weight being sung by a 30-something than it does an 18-year-old. Perhaps Swift was preparing for such an exercise when she made “Folklore,” an album that shakes off years of scrutiny and finds her reveling in the creative freedom to be as young or as old as she wants to be.

[generalblizzarddreamer]

Book recommendations based on your Hogwarts house!

A/N I’ve been watching a lot of these videos on youtube and it inspired me to make this post! I hope you enjoy. I love Harry Potter and the fandom but just to be clear I don’t support J.K Rowling and her trans/homophobic statements and the fact that she is ruining the series by adding more to it.

Ravenclaw house 💙🦅(my house)

The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown

This book just screams Ravenclaw to me. The cults, the science, the research, the history, the small facts on the Smithsonian... literally everyting except the characters themselves and the plot is real. There is so much knowledge to be gained from reading this book and the plot is thick and exciting. 

Strange the Dreamer duology by Laini Taylor

Another book that screams Ravenclaw... Strange the Dreamer and the world and the culture is so thick and is presented in lyrical and intelligent word play that any self respecting Ravenclaw should definitely give this book a try. You will not be disappointed! I know I wasn’t! The main character (Lazlo Strange) is also a Ravenclaw so that is always a perk. 

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

This book is like a well thought out chess game. The writing styles that the two authors develop is addicting and the letters going back and forth between the two character is so intriguing. There so much strategy and wit in this book that I had to put it on this list for Ravenclaw. 

Wendy Darling by Colleen Oarkes

I love this book so much. I think it’s a book that is worthy of Ravenclaw just because of it’s creativity and the twist that Colleen Oakes put on Peter Pan. I think sometimes we forget that it isn’t just wit, wisdom, and knowledge (although this book is definitely witty and has some wise messages) that Ravenclaws value but also creativity. 

Bonus book: Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. This book is the most Ravenclaw book ever. Need I say more. 

Gryffindor ❤️🦁

Lore by Alexandria Bracken

The plot is tense, most of the characers are Gryffindors, book praises bravery, cowardice is something that is punishable ad frowed upon... the list goes on and on. Lore is filled with high stakes and brave acts that Gryffindor’s will admire.  

Legendborn by Tracy Deonn

It was so hard to put one of my all time favorite books in here just solely because it’s not my house (that was not a dig on Gryffindor please don’t attack me). Bree is such a Gryffindor and does so many of the things I can see the golden trio doing. High stakes, daring acts, Gryffindor cast, a Griffindor x Griffindor relationship, perfect for any Gryffindor looking for a book full of twist and turns and bravery. 

The City we Became by N.K Jemisin

This one gives me Gryffindor vibes for the same reasons the other ones do (thrills, daring acts, Gryffindor characters etc). Except for one thing. This book could have easily been placed into Slytherin since the main character uses his cunning to change his identity according to what city he is in at the moment. But I put this book here because I think it shows how Gryffindor and Slytherin are two sides of the same coin. 

Raft by S.A Bodeen

This one was a bit of stretch. Raft is a bit of a unpopular book, I’ve seen people say it was just meh, or bad. I actually really enjoyed this book though and I think how the main character (Robie) deals with being stranded and jumping out of a plane to survive gives me Gryffindor feels. I also think Gryffindors are the kind of people to enjoy a good survival book. 

Bonus: The Hunger Games

Slytherin 💚🐍

Vicious duology by V.E Schwab

Most (if not all) of the characters in this book are so cunning and ambitious and determined to meet their goal that makes it such a Slytherin book. Vicious also makes you question morality and the characters motivations that Slytherins will appreciate this book even more because of it. Bonus: V.E Schwab is a Slytherin. Just saying. 

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

I don’t know what about this book makes me think “Slytherin” but it does. Maybe it’s because it’s about using magic in a cunning way to win, the characters, the main characters mentors (although I think they are both definitely Slytherins). But this book screams Slytherin to me, just for unknown reasons. 

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

I don’t really think I need to explain why this is a Slytherin read so I’ll just put one character name: Kaz Brekker. Kaz is such a Slytherin. He uses cuning and resourcefulless to pull off crazy heists, blackmail people and get what he wants to survive a gang ridden city. And he he put up a calm face even though he may be freaking out on the inside through everything, never revealing his full plan. I feel like these are all such Slytherin things to do, not gonna lie. 

Ash Princess by Laura Sebastian

Oh boy, I could right pages and pages on why I think this is a Slytherin book but I’ll stick to a mini paragraph. The “Ash Princess”, Theodosia, uses cunning and strategy to take back her kingdom. She manipulates to get close to certain people to achieve her goal. And even though she doesn’t necessarily think that these are good things to do, she recognizes taking her kingdom back and acheiving her goal is more important.  Sound like a certain house? 

Bonus: Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire (So many Slytherin vibes in this book)

Hufflepuff 💛🌿🦡 (I had to put a plant just as a nod to the Hufflepuff common room)

Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares by Rachel 

This. Book. Is. So. Cute. I didn’t put this in here just because it was cute though, after reading it, it gave me so many feels and Hufflepuff vibes that I had to put it here. 

Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay 

Just going to say this: Hufflepuffs are great finders. This whole book centers around a girl finding her brother. She shows loyalty because she travels around the world to find him. Does that seem extrememly Hufflepuff-y or is it just me? 

Guardians of Childhood series by William Joyce

Hear me out, every Hufflepuff has an inner child as well as a badass inside them, they aren’t all soft (Tonks is proof). The guardians are protectors of children (as the title indicates) but they also kick butt. I think Hufflepuff’s of all ages will enjoy it, and yeah it’s a kids book but to quote C.S Lewis; “someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again”. 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Ok though, but Pride and Prejudice could fit everywhere on here. Lizzie is a Raveclaw, Mr. Darcy is a Hufflepuff, Mrs. Bennet is a Gryffindor (she gives me Mrs. Weaseley vibes. Especially in the 2005 movie), etc. But I’m putting it here because it’s such a Hufflepuff thing to ship Mr. Darcy and Lizzie (seriously though every Hufflepuff I’ve met say that this is their OTP). Just read it and watch as it become your OTP too.  

Bonus: Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson

I do not own any of the pictures used. 

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: The Cow-Pie Kid and Saved by the Spell

Welcome back Loudiacs.. I .. don’t know what the fandom calls themselves. And given I dont’ know anyone personally in the fandom and the going into the tag is like living in a living nightmare.. it’s easier to keep workshopping a name till either someone tells me or I find one that sounds right. Loudites.. there we go that didn’t take long. Point is we’re back in The Loud House, In The Loud House for the first regular coverage, i.e. when I cover a show as It comes out of the season. And I was lucky enough to actually see the episode same day this time and with a promo that at least gives me images to work with, so yeah, i’m pretty pumped. And not just because I can cross this one off because SOMEBODY has a birthday tommorow.. no not me, that was last month. 

There ya go. But yeah the show’s back. I’m excited, your excited, i’m scared because nick dosen’t give a clear schedule out ahead of time so i’m left wondering when one’s going to pop up and when to get it on my schedule now I have one... it’s a good time. Seriously though Nick needs to get their scheduling in order. So i’m happy to be back, your happy to have me here, but probably not happy to have spoilers so let’s take this under the cut and we can talk about cow pies, magic, and ... how this block is weirdly almost all lincoln episodes. 

The Cow-Pie Kid:  Yeah.. this was the only bit from cow pie kid I could find. Tons of stuff to mine from for saved by the spell. Nothing for that one. Weird.  Anyways our story opens with Lynn’s baseball team, who we’ve met before.. and include friends who have played other sports with her and that guy she had a crush on for all of five minutes because the writers kinda forgot L is for Love happened for anyone but Luna and Luann. 

Okay look MOST of the love intrests introduced there were not great and while Lincoln needs one NOW, at the time he really did not as the Ronnie Anne thing had not, and still has not, been properly resolved. Still vastly prefer him with Stella and her with Sid, i’m just saying closure would be nice.  Look i’m getting off topic point is one besides Sam, who was great out of the gate and not just for being gay.. though that was a lot of it, and Benny, whose objectively a really sweet kid and damn likeable. Luaggie shippers feel free to boo me, I understand.. dosen’t change my mind or the fact Poly exists to fix that. I mean why not both I ask you.  Besides them, we had Chazz, a loveable chubby guy who Leni was into and worked at clothing store and knew his fashion stuff. and was charmed by her romantic gesture. He just seemd sweet and it was implied via background stuff they were still dating.. but he hasnt’ shown up since despite her working AT the mall and that being her main arc for the last two seasons. 

Just why? What’s wrong with the chubby fashion boy? Why? Did they decide they had too many romance arcs.. at exactly two? I get focusing on sam, because duh, and because that was awesome.. but you’ve had 2 full seasons since then and again Leni and him now work in the same location if not the same store, which in itself is a plot. I don’t ask much from you show.. well okay I do but let me clarify I don’t ask much from you that you could actually do: I know i’m never getting my a diffrent world style spinoff with lori and bobby. I know Zach is going nowhere and i’m just going to have to get over it, I will not, but I DO know you could include chaz and just won’t. So do that at least. I will put up with several more seasons of Zach if it means this adorable love story continues. It’s even easy enough to pick up this late: they are both stupid. Work with that. Gah... coach if you’d please. 

Thanks coach. Okay so one tangent later we’re back to the episode. Point is her team is loosing even though Lynn’s the captain now, and while she’s perfectly encouraging it’s not winning games. Lynn is understandably dejected in the car not helped by the sports commentor guys from the game... commenting about it on the radio...

I mean.. I get sports can have dry spots and all that but who covers a middle school basketball team on the radio that isn’t the middle school radio station. I mean I genuinely can’t decide which is more sad... a radio personality doing a children’s baseball game on his own show, or having so much trouble getting one that he’s apperaing on the middle school radio show. And I COULD say it’s just a guest spot but he’s talking like he knows what’s going on intmatiley> Did his daughter ask him to? I mean I know radio’s fallen pretty far but I dind’t think it was that much in the basement. Do a podcast at least man. 

Okay before I go on another Tangent point is Lynn feels it’s her fault as Captain.. which granted whoever the coach is should be .. but it genuinely looks like they don’t HAVE a coach. Maybe they had to sack him to pay for the newly refrubished av department? I dunno. Point is she feels bad and Lynn Sr vows to cheer her up.. before stopping for farm fresh eggs. Which.. yeah can’t blame him. He’s a cook, and Liam’s family likely has good prices. He can buy for both home and restraunt at once. I mean he has a van and only one occupant at the moment. Don’t judge him.  But this little detour DOES help Lynn’s mood. Her problem is the team lacks a decent pitcher, since Lynn herself was banned for throwing one at a heckling goat. The Lawsuit is ongoing and that made me laugh a lot. But Lynn finds Happy Gilmore style that Liam.. has a really great arm. Granted instead of actuall balls it’s with cowpies because this series really loves a shit joke, hence the title and the new nickname for liam, the cow pie kid.. but compared to some of the series toilet humor it’s a lot less in your face. But with Liam being so good Lynn can’t help but sign him to the team and Liam being a sweetie pie is happy to agree.  I have.. not hid even for a second how much I liked Liam or wanted him, and Stella, to show up outside of Lincoln episodes more often, or even get his own again. That day.. has come. Not only does LIam now have a roll entirely outside his friend group, but this episode’s about him and Lynn together.. not in that way.. yet. Someday.. Point is my boy is in the spotlight and I could not be happier.   And thankfully.. Lynn’s at her best. What I feared would be an episode about her overtraining him and making him not enjoy the game, htat old chesnut instead.. she just genuinely helps mentor him. She’s tough but fair as she helps him get his aim right as he’s used to firing Cow Pie’s, so the weight distrbution is off. So she helps train him and .. it’s really cute honestly, with her genuinely helping him and showing a softer side and later realizing she had him thinking about it too hard and just having him not think.. and going by instinct naturally works for a carefree and easygoing guy like liam. Wouldn’t be suprised if he went ultra instinct eventually.. but that’s for another episode. They also have a pig pile together.. which sounds bad but is just pigs piling on liam and lynn gladly gets on top of the pigs and god that sounds worse. next scnee. 

So Liam gets ahead and becomes the star pitcher for the zanarkand abes.. I mean the Royal Woods Kangaroos, and they just keep wining and wining and wining. Their like glomgold: all they do is win... but probably with less attempted corpse dancing. Problem is as we see during the montage Liam’s arm is slowly but surley getting cramped and while he wins hte next game.. his arm gives out from noodle arm. The good news is with rest, he can fix it, as her injury prone friend Paula, whose somehow allowed to play with crutches despite ALL the legal and moral issues that raises explains. but they don’t have days to rest it. So insane plans it is!  So Lynn goes to her sisters for herlp..specifically lisa int he hopes her mad science can either fix his pain or turn him into the hulk. Neither happens.. yet. I mean LIam is so sweet if he IS a hulk, we won’t know yet. But the green door will.. it always knows. IT ALWAYS KNOWS.  Lynn bemonas her luck.. before Lucy appears!

I JUST said last month when reviewing 11 louds a leapin that I missed the duo of her and lynn and lo and behold here we are. While we dno’t get much of the two fo them, it is still nice to see Lynn suprised by her scares and Lucy trying to use the dark arts to heal his pain.. which actually works. Lucy’s upgraded from wants to be a witch to full witch. 

So yeah her dark magic works and now Liam is fine just fine as the championship game approaches. Until naturally it isn’t. While Lucy STOPPED the pain, she didn’t make anything better, just numbed it so Liam’s arm’s pretty bad and Lisa suggests there’s a 70 perfecnt chance he’ll wreck it if he does so.. and while Lynn is naturlaly, given one of her main traits is asshole, ready to risk that.. she realizes she can’t. Rusty is on her team following her orders.. and no matter how good a W feels.. she can’t trade in someone’s health for one. Honestly bettter than most sports managers ngl. So Paula subs in and misses, loosing them the game.. but Lynn. takes it in stride, having realized she can win next year and having finally realized what being the leader REALLY means. She can work on paula’s curve, give Liam a break, and win next time... which she’ll have because time dosen’t work normally in this show’s dimension and a solid timeline is just a pipedream, so she probably has another year of being 14 to redo this and has become aware of it. I’m scared and excited for what that means.  Liam celebrates with a pig pile of two and we get a REALLY fucking cute shot of the two being happy and what not before a pig jumps on them still though.. yeah I ship it now. Liam taps into the space where I thought a black void of misery and douchebaggery was but ti turns out is in fact a heart, something few can do with Lynn and Lynn can protect him form bullies and is perfectly suited for his rough hewn farmboy styles. Point is their cut.e And so was this episode. IT was a really nice return to the series and it was again REALLY fucking great to see one of Lincoln’s firend,s and one of the GOOD ones at that, get a starring roll without him. HOpefully this keeps up and hopefully we see more of these two. 

Saved by the Spell:

RUSTY SPOKES IS TRASH (Ring) I don’t have a saved by the spell font that’ll have to do. Point is he is but before we get to Rusty being Rusty, Lincoln is doing magic tricks at the table. 

Point is he’s excited to do it at the talent show. The next day his friends discuss doing something to make them look cool to everyone. WHich.. kids. i’ll level with you. You. are. NERDS. As a massive one in both size and nerdiness myself, there’s nothing wrong with that. 2/3 of you are lovely people. You’ll be fine. But you are geeks, and should be proud of that.. not so proud you evolve into an incel or it’s adjacent form of assholes mind you, but still proud of who you are. You are never going to be that cool by trying to appeal to everyone. Just be yourslef and the cool comes naturaly. Like kool aid, which is naturally made by milking the Kool Aid man. Be you. 

But instead they decide to do a dance routine which..  let’s face it.. is probably just this spread across 6 people...

Point is maybe don’t do that. Also when Clyde does a dorky but endearing dance and says their going to shake their groove things, Rusty pipes in with “But cool”... and while sadly not as glorious as EVERYONE looking enitrely done with him like last time we saw this tool, Clyde clearly still does while the rest of hte Lincrew have no idea what the hell he’s on. I think their just.. numb to his stupidity and ego at this point.  But when Lincoln shows off his magic they all hide him, fearing that magic.. is well for younger kids and this won’t play so well. Which isn’t an invalid fear: this is middle school and from personal experince, middle school can be hell.. and also one of hte best years of my life which shows the vast gulf between the two schools I was in but was also not the point. the point is kids can be cruel and maybe don’t do this. But lincoln gonna do it anyway because he has confidence.. and frankly given there was an ENTIRE episode about being yourself instead of putting on an asshole suit of armor to avoid being hurt, which Lynn finally took off again last episode, he’s right.. but the rest of them all feel THEIR ALL GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU. and since they don’t know if he has latent psychic powers or not can’t risk him getting pigs blood dumped on him so they plan to find some way to trick him out of it.. Clyde of course gets his stomach in nots because he’s not good with schemes or lying ot his best friend, both of which this is and requires. 

Also Stella’s in the lead, as she should be. And she helps as her positive attudie makes what their doing come off as it should: KINDA douchey, but not intentionally so, they just worry about hteir freind getting pummled.. possibly by his own sister but now sh’es possibly with Liam that’s probably not as much of a worry. Or Chandler but frankly he’s going to do that no matter what.. and is probably getting his ass kicked himself by older kids who won’t toldeate his bs, so your clear. But their fears while a bit unfounded are understandable and well inteitoned if misguided, as we don’t know LIncoln’s act at this point or how well it’d go over with a mostly tweenager crowd, who can be the best as we’ve seen in recent tv.. or aboslutel monsters.. same deal. You either get Luz or you get BOscha, the inbetween is rare. 

So cue our usual setup of a bunch of attempts to do something in a row, but like I said while i’m not a fan of reptition if it’s done well enough it works and with it’s rather sizeable supporting cast , LIncoln and Friends episodes usdually do make it work. In this case it does as each of the sensational 6, lincoln and clyde asid,e try their hand at it. Liam, being the golden child, just has the most direct and obvious route: swipe his magic stuff.. and runs off without letting them talk it out but unlike Rusty in the next attempt, his plan was actually viable.. he just gets tangled up in the scarves and taps out.  Rusty is next ....and his idea is to.. show lincoln his killer dance moves to convince him normally. 

Yup pretty much that. And somehow out of the four plans, RUSTY’S is the only one that dosen’t bring up any serious moral quandries. I know i’m shocked too. He just thinks his moves will do it when no they won’t, please stop it hurts to watch and I can’t turn the fuck away. This is my job you redheaded kanker sore! Gah it thankfully ends and is unsurisingly unsuccesful. 

Also unsuprisingly, i’ve been waiting since i got that image to use it on Rusty. And as a third dollop of unsuprise I did not have to force it in any way shape or form. Point is it’s Zach’s turn as during the last two he’s been pushing really hard to use some form of brainwashing on his friend.. yes .. really. 

Thought Rusty would be the first loud house character to get that one but hey if the shoe fits. Seriously I thought rusty was the creep among them but at least you know.. altering someone’s throughts to suit your own isn’t his go to move. Being excetsivly cocky and coming on too strong is but still better to take THAT out of the Zach Morris playbook than “brainwash people into dooing whatever you say because tha’ts not creeptagious.” And unsurpsingly it does not work.. on Lincoln it woroks on Meyrl for some reason. Thankfully it dosen’t though just.. Zach needs no power epsiecally over the mind. 

So UNSUPRSINGLY, Stella has the working plnan.. and also unsuprisingly the last three just did theres by running off, running off and shouting the loudest. Again somehow Rusty is NO LONGER the most obnoxious one of the group. Zach won that title this episode. He’s still the most pathetic.. but i’m the most done with Zach who adds nothing to the dynamic or the planet or anything and I wish would just go away. Your home planet needs you. 

But yeah Stella has the winning idea: pretending to be “Yodel Boy”, a student who was humilated at a talent show last year, proving sh’es not only a decent actress (I mean it’s obvious i’ts stella in a wig, padding and lederhosen, but points for the accent being okay and hey she’s in middle school), but also the smartest of them. Only one of those is a suprise. It works and Lincoln agrees. 

So the night of the talent show they’ve caught him up to speed and prepare to celebrate, only for clyd eto open the wrong locker and reveal the yodel boy suit. WHy it was in there instead of at Stella’s house where this wouldn’t happen?

But yeah the cat’s out of the bag and lincoln leaves, depressed his friends think that little of him and lied to him. Which.. yeah completely fair. They tried talking to him, it did not work.. they shoudl’ve just left it at that. It would’ve SUCKED if he got bullied true, but it was his choice to go out there and take a risk and do what he loves. As someone whose constnatly self concious and had to fight to start writing like i’m doing now, I envy that kind of youthful confidence and thus wholly support him. 

And finally.. so do his friends. Realizing they’ve been kinda crappy, they introduce lincoln instead and work as his assitants.. and.. it works. Stella gets sawn in half, Zach gets astounded by a card trick, and Liam wears a bunny outfit which is just.. precious. Good boy. Best boy. It’s a huge hit.. and we also get to seesome of the new background kids including one with pink hair who looks kinda nb. I’m just saying one of you should take a crack at them, they seem nice. But for now our heroes are haield as heroes, and the other 5 apologize to lincon and they do their now cemented and fucking adorable group hug. Happy ending to a pretty great episode, with decent gags, a good relatable plot, and Rusty being just the right amoutn of obnoxious. Good stuff.  So that does it for this week. If you liked this review like or reblog it, check out my other work and come back later today for some duck content. and every week once the show returns. Until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

ANGST KAZUMAJI ANON AND WOOF. FUCK. GOTTA LISTEN TO THOSE SONGS AFTER WORK. EXCITED. Your idea though OW. I haven't seen Y6 yet (I watch playthroughs don't have the console and my computer laughs at me trying to run the games) the streamer thats playing it finally got to Y6 and I am Refusing To Watch It. My heart can't take even starting the VOD.

You’re welcome for the music cc: 

A LOT of people haven’t seen 6 yet, so I did my best to get through that without spoilers ^^; Hope I haven’t ruined anything for you. And I feel that, my laptop and I have constant arguments and I’m not a good gamer anyway ^^; I should try Kiwami 1 someday though... I have it, I'm just Nervous about Being Bad ^^; 

Nice, following one streamer, well done c: I just hopped around to different playthroughs on youtube ^^; My wife and I binged all 7 games in I think 2 months, max. ^^; She crazy tho and a bad influence on me xp She likes to just sit and binge things and I am, understandably, weak for my wife <3 

6 isn’t so bad, I promise. You can do it c: It’s very pretty, you get to stare at Kiryu’s juicy ass the entire game, there’s lots of cute minigames of Kiryu with a baby, uh... *running out of nice things to say about 6* ...did I mention it’s very pretty? Fuck... Listen, I have... Feelings about game 6, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone ^^; Everyone’s allowed to experience things in their own time and form their own opinions and I don’t want to deprive anyone of that. Please watch it and when you see it, feel free to come tell me about it c: 

And as a reward for all that, another angsty idea: 

The Nishikiyama Opera! 

So I composed the entire thing on a car ride with my wife last week and it’s WILD. Y’all ever see opera? If you’ve never seen an opera you SHOULD, they’re fucking Great. Operas are all about being The Most, comedy or tragedy, they’re all horny as shit and everyone is extra as fuck. If you living for the drama, you HAVE to get your ass to an opera. I’m lucky enough to live somewhere with a relatively robust opera community. And anyway, my point is, The Nishikiyama story? RIPE for an opera adaptation! 

First, you gotta know some of the opera tropes. There are two categories of opera, comedies which are kinda rare and tragedies which is... constantly. And operas are pretty good at telling you almost immediately which one they will be. There’s also a lot of meta about the voice parts themselves: 

Soprano - heroine, ingenue, beautiful. Will win if this is a comedy, will die if this is a tragedy. 

Alto - mothers & witches. Not the heroine. Will probably die regardless of comedy or tragedy. Unless she’s the villain, then she lives in a tragedy. 

Tenor - hero. Given the sexiest parts to sing. Sometimes unbearable. Everything is about Him. 

Baritone/Bass - fathers & villains. Gorgeous voice, never utilized properly. 

Knowing the vocal parts and what they classically represent is key to knowing who will win and who will die in the opera. For example, in Carmen, Carmen is actually an alto, not a soprano, and Don Jose is a tenor. This immediately tells you that shit’s fucked. Tenors are supposed to fall in love with sopranos, never altos. So this story can only end in tragedy because he’s interested in the wrong kind of voice part. There’s even a counterpoint of a soprano who is madly in love with him, and the baritone toreador for Carmen. They’re given their proper voice partners, but Don Jose still pursues Carmen which is a ginormous mistake by operatic tropes. 

So, opera education over, picture this: 

ACT I  Kiryu (soprano) is the loveliest yakuza in all the land! He’s just delightful. The Chorus sings his praises and he demonstrates his impeccable fighting ability. (Forgot to mention, any opera worth its salt has a Chorus and I will die on this hill.) The Audience is assured of his might and grace. 

Kiryu, obviously, does not want for admirers, but has not chosen to court anyone formally. 

Here enters Kiryu’s brother, Nishiki (bass). The Chorus explains that Nishiki is second to his brother in strength, but is formidable in his own right. Nishiki explains to the audience how he longs for Kiryu, how he covets him, his strength, his beauty. How after a lifetime together, affection has turned to love. Nishiki must have him. 

Kiryu hears none of this. Nishiki approaches to make his case when Majima (tenor) sweeps onto the scene. Majima is brazen and glib. The Chorus tells us to beware his charming smile, he is as dangerous as he is flirtatious. Majima has heard of Kiryu’s reputation and calls him into the street to defend his title. Kiryu responds and they do battle. 

In the midst of the battle, Majima finds himself won over by Kiryu’s skill and grace, his kindness and strength. Majima is bursting with love and there and then makes a proposal to Kiryu, offering his whole heart. 

Kiryu is stunned. Majima is not a weak fighter, he is not a braggadocio, despite appearances. He was a real challenge and Kiryu was not expecting the fight to take this turn. He is so surprised he cannot make an answer and politely, but quickly, leaves. 

Nishiki has been watching the entire time and finds his heart gripped by jealousy. He plots to claim Kiryu for himself and hates Majima bitterly, despite the fact that Kiryu has given no answer. Nishiki believes he knows his brother too well not to know that Kiryu returns his affections even if he won’t say. Nishiki leaves, concocting a plan. 

We find Kiryu at his balcony, lamenting his situation. Majima may have been exciting, but Kiryu’s no fool. He has no proof that Majima’s feelings will not waver in time. Majima steals into the garden beneath Kiryu’s balcony and professes his love once more. 

Kiryu is startled and makes to flee, but Majima sings so sweetly, entreats so gently, that Kiryu is compelled to stay. Majima doesn’t even ask again, just sings of his feelings. Kiryu, in his heart, is wooed by this. He may have been ready to answer when Nishiki interrupts. Majima quickly hides in the foliage. 

Nishiki counters with his own confession, his own proposal. Kiryu is shocked and saddened. He begins to sadly tell his brother that he cannot accept. Nishiki flies into a rage, demanding if there is someone else, someone else Kiryu prefers. Kiryu hesitates, but answers honestly that he has always seen Nishiki as a brother, regardless of any other feelings. He cannot accept Nishiki on the grounds of their previous relationship. 

Nishiki was expecting this. He reveals a vial of poison and threatens to drink it unless Kiryu will marry him. Majima gasps. Kiryu pleads with Nishiki not to be rash, but Nishiki only demands his answer, the vial nearly at his lips. 

Kiryu swallows back tears and collapses to his knees. Sorrowfully, he agrees, unable to bear the responsibility of his brother’s death, and the act finishes to the sound of clamoring wedding bells. 

ACT II The lights come up on Kiryu and Nishiki in their home. Nishiki is pacing the floor and making increasingly outlandish suggestions for things to do. Kiryu says yes to all of them, gently and politely. Nishiki’s frustration and annoyance increases with every yes. Eventually he snaps at Kiryu, demanding why he won’t fight him, demanding why he will give no more reaction than a placid yes. Kiryu shrugs helplessly and tries to soothe his brother, but Nishiki won’t be soothed. 

They have been married less than a year and it has been like this the entire time, getting worse by the day. Nishiki can see the pain he’s causing his brother, but can’t stop himself. He loves him too greedily to stop. He departs, hoping to take his mind off things. 

Kiryu is left alone in the house and sings a longer, sadder version of his lament from the balcony. Distantly, we hear strains of Majima’s love song, now broken and echoing. 

The scene changes and we see Kiryu sat down in a busy cafe. At first we assume he’s alone, but people move and we can see he is sitting across from Majima. They do not touch. Their careful, polite space around each other is conspicuous. 

Kiryu is tired, he looks wan, almost sick. Majima sings heartbrokenly, telling Kiryu he needs to take care of himself. He is desperate to take Kiryu away from all this, and asks several times, but Kiryu always sighs and shakes his head no. Majima knows Kiryu will not break his word once given, he is too good and honorable for that. But he cannot help singing for him all the same. He cannot touch, he will not permit himself to touch, but he can sing. 

Kiryu eventually cannot take the heartache anymore and departs sorrowfully. Majima looks after him, just as sad. Nishiki is revealed to have been spying on them the entire time. He confronts Majima, furious and accusatory. He insists that he and Kiryu have been having an affair. Majima simply looks at him and shrugs. Nishiki screams for Majima to admit it, to admit that Kiryu loves him, has always loved him, this whole time. Majima only says that Nishiki knows Kiryu best. He will not confirm or deny anything Nishiki says. Shaken and stymied, Nishiki flees. 

We return to Kiryu’s balcony, where he sits, silent and pale. Nishiki storms in and begins to berate Kiryu with his accusations. He is half-mad now, not seeming to hear Kiryu’s denials. Kiryu professes over and over that only Nishiki is his husband, that he loves only Nishiki. Nishiki cannot accept this as true. Nishiki screams that Kiryu ought to ask him for a divorce. Kiryu cannot claim to want a divorce. He gave his word. Nishiki reveals that he had been watching them in the cafe, that he knows all, the secret contents of Kiryu’s heart. Kiryu manages some resistance at last and asks Nishiki for proof. What proof of his indiscretions? What proof of adultery? What has Kiryu done that has angered his husband-brother so? 

Nishiki has none. Kiryu has not done anything wrong, not in word, not in act. Whatever thoughts he might accuse Kiryu of having are ephemeral and will never be real. Still... Nishiki saw how they looked together and his heart was sore. He knows he has stolen Kiryu from what was rightfully his. Moved to regret, Nishiki withdraws the vial of poison again. 

Kiryu gasps and tries to prevent his brother. 

Nishiki swallows the poison quickly, insisting this will set things right, this will free his brother. He says he did it for love. He falls. 

Kiryu collapses next to him, sobbing. 

The final scene is Nishiki’s funeral. Kiryu kneels next to his brother’s grave, all in black. He sings of his regrets, of his sorrow. Majima stands close by, but still not touching. He does not look at the grave, only at Kiryu. His broken love song is the last thing we hear. 

The End. 

...this opera was a tragedy ^^; 

[vintagevalentinex]

Valentine

I had this idea for a Castiel/Reader story in my head, and I’ll probably reblog it on Valentine’s Day, but I couldn’t help but post it now.  Special shout out to @icecream-and-winchesters for letting me pick her brain!  This is the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff.

@icecream-and-winchesters @crazykins123 @theerinpage @bovaria @abaddonwithyall @ohfora67impala @bkwrm523 @maraisabellegrey @kittenofdoomage @spnfanficpond @aprofoundbondwithdean @castielspahdehrah  @stephizzle94

Title: Valentine Author: vintagevalentinexx Words: ~2800 Pairing: (Castiel x Reader) Warnings: Major FLUFF.

It was that time of year again.  

Being a hunter always made relationships particularly difficult.  The thought of being single and alone was just another part of “the job.”  The hunter life wasn’t typically one you shared with another person and you were quite content with that.  You had made your peace with it a long time ago.

That is, until those tall buffoons stumbled into your life.

You could remember it clearly.  It was a couple of years ago and you were trying to hustle your way through a couple games of pool to get some quick cash.  You saw them as they entered the bar.  They were tall and built strong.  They looked so sure of themselves as they walked over to the bar, ordering as they scanned the room.  You smiled to yourself, thinking they would make two easy marks for some quick cash, with the added bonus of them being easy on the eyes.

After two games of pool (one won by you, the other won by the one with the green eyes), you were starting to realize that maybe these boys were better than you had pegged them to be. I will not be out hustled.  You flashed them a smile, leaning over the pool table, your grin growing wider when you noticed the one with the green eyes couldn’t stop looking at your cleavage.

“So what are your names anyway?  It would be nice to know the names of the guys whose money I’m going to win…”

The man with the green eyes and the other one who was ridiculously tall shared a look, turning their gaze back to you, smirking.  The taller man spoke first.

“Winchester.  I’m Sam, he’s Dean.”  He jerked his head toward his brother.

You gasped in recognition, throwing your pool stick onto the table.  Rolling your eyes you spoke.  “Hunters.  Damn it, I should have known.  I guess we should just call it even then?”

They broke out into laughter and offered you a drink.

You quickly learned how amazing the Winchesters were, however, for you at least, they paled in comparison to the angel of the Lord with the blue eyes. You had tagged along on a simple salt and burn with the brothers (you quickly learned that nothing was simple when it came to the both of them).  It had turned out to be a full on demon swarm that was nearly overpowering the three of you.  You had been knocked onto your ass, flinching for the impact of a blow when you saw an almost blinding light, having to shield your eyes from the intensity.  When you were finally able to open your eyes, you were met with her most beautiful blue eyes you had ever seen.  

The moment was ruined when you could hear Sam and Dean screaming for you, breathing a sigh of relief when their gaze fell upon the blue-eyed stranger.

“Cas!  It’s about damn time you got here!  (Y/N) looks like hell!  Fix her up, would ya?”  Dean grumbled.

Cas.  Cas is his name?  How did he get here?  How did he know to get here?

You looked up at “Cas,” his lips quirking into a ghost of a smile as he knelt down to be eye level with you.

“Hello, (Y/N).”

“……umm, hi….”

“I am Castiel.  I am an angel of the Lord.  You can call me ‘Cas.’  That is the name that Sam and Dean have chosen to call me…”

“…ummm okay.”  You cough, your hand covering your mouth.  As you move your hand away from your mouth, you can see that you’ve coughed up some blood.  You let out a bitter snigger.  “I guess that demon got me better than I thought…”

You made to move up when Cas put a hand on your shoulder, keeping you still.  With his other hand he pressed two fingers to your forehead, all of the pain and the aches soothed away with a single touch.  You felt nothing but warmth as your eyes found the blue ones again, feeling the heat coming to your cheeks as Cas helped you to your feet.

“Thank you, Castiel.”

“It is no trouble, (Y/N).”

“Alright lovebirds, stop making goo goo eyes at each other.  Can we go now?”

Dean continued to groan as you felt your cheeks heat up even more, red from your ears to your neck as you stormed out of the abandoned warehouse, shoving past Sam and Dean, who wore matching smirks.  Cas looked on, concerned and curious.

“Dean, is she well?  Does she perhaps have a fever?”

“Nah, man.  She’s got somethin’ else pretty bad though…”  Dean laughed, sharing a knowing look with Sam.

“Should I follow after her?  Perhaps I didn’t heal her completely.”

“It’s something you can’t heal, buddy.”

As you stomped towards the Impala, you couldn’t get those words out of your mind.  It was no trouble.  You smiled a little to yourself as you slid into the backseat of the car.  You didn’t know it at the time, but those four words would become the most beautiful arrangement of letters you’d ever heard.

Cas became more and more of a facet in your life, always seemingly being there whenever you needed help or company.  His visits with the Winchesters became more frequent and seemingly unnecessary.  Dean was starting to get really confused.

Cas why are you here? I thought you called for me. No, man…

Cas…didn’t you just leave like 15 minutes ago? I thought you could use some assistance. With eating? Yes.

Cas…seriously… I am sorry, Dean…I thought that I heard you faintly praying to me… While I’m sitting on the god damn toilet? In retrospect, that seems to have been a mistake…

Dean shuffled into the library in one of the dead man’s robes, finally drinking coffee.  That was definitely not the way he wanted to be woken up on a Monday morning.  Or at all for that matter.  Cas was getting weirder and weirder and damn it if he wasn’t going to find out why.  He rolled his eyes as he saw Cas sitting in the library with Sam, trying to figure something out in the lore.

“Damn it Cas, what has been your problem lately?  You seem real squirrely…”

“I do not know what you are talking about, Dean…and I also do not understand how I could ever resemble a rodent such as a squirrel…”

Dean rolled his eyes, taking another needed swig of coffee.  It was going to be a long day. “Cas…I’m not even going to start with why that makes no sense but—“

“Morning guys!” You called out. You felt quite chipper this morning.  You were getting some of the best sleep you’ve ever had in probably…ever.  You scanned the room, seeing Sam hard at work already, Dean grumping about like he usually did in the morning, and…oh.

“Good morning Cas!”

“Good morning, (Y/N).  I take it you slept well…”

Dean snaps his head to look at the exchange between the both of you with a smug, shit-eating grin on his face.  I get it now…

Loud yelling brings you out of your daydreaming.  You weren’t really excited for today.  You were hoping that the day would go quickly, and that you wouldn’t see any lovey dovey couples, but you knew that your thoughts were futile.

It was Valentine’s Day.

Normally, this wouldn’t bother you at all, but since the appearance of the blue eyed angel, you couldn’t help but let your thoughts constantly drift to him.  From the moment you met him you knew that he was righteous and brave, but over the weeks and months you began to realize how so inherently good he was.  He was a loyal friend, almost to a fault, and would do anything to make sure the ones he cared about were safe.  And at times that included you.  He had saved you a few times over the months and you were infinitely thankful for him in your life.  When Sam and Dean told you more about how Cas basically sacrificed everything he ever knew and cared about in heaven to protect the people on Earth, it blew you away; his selflessness continuing to amaze you.  He was a good man…er…angel…and you hoped someday that you could have someone in your life that could be even a fraction as good as he was.

You sighed heavily, dragging the Chinese food you picked up while the boys continued their research in the motel room you were sharing for the job you were on.  You quirked an eyebrow as you listened in on the yelling that was occurring on the other side of the door.

“Cas…what the hell is in the cooler?!”

"Well Dean, you told me to give (Y/N) a heart for Valentine’s Day…”

You nearly gapsed.  Cas wanted to give you something for Valentine’s Day?  Maybe he didn’t know what it meant to be someone’s Valentine…

“Cas I swear if there is an actual heart in there…”

“You don’t need to swear; there is a heart in the cooler…I wasn’t sure what kind of heart to get…you didn’t say.  I thought it would be most appropriate to get a human heart because well…(Y/N)’s a human…”

You face palmed, holding back a torrent of giggles and you could nearly feel Dean getting more and more frustrated.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  Where did you get a freaking human heart, Cas?!  Are you kidding right now!?”

“I thought it was customary—“

“Oh just wait ‘till Sam gets back.  This is great.  Just great, man.”

“Dean, I—“

“Man…seriously…get rid of it.  She’s not gonna want it.”

“Are you positive?”

“Am I—just GET RID OF IT CAS!”

You figured this was probably a good time to announce your presence.  You called through the door.  “Hey guys!  Mind helping me open the door?  My arms are full!”

You heard the flutter of wings and a rush of air as you turned around, Cas standing way too close as your cheeks heated up.  He smiled sheepishly at you as he helped unburden your arms, the door swinging open to reveal a smug looking Dean.  

“You know, Cas…the door works just as fine…”

“Yes…yes Dean.  I will make sure to remember that next time…”

You smiled at him as you all piled back into the motel room.  You ate in an awkward silence, Cas watching both you and Dean eat your food.  The tension in the room was thick.  Dean finally stood up, grunting and rolling his eyes at the entire situation.

“Alright…well since this is such a happening place, I’m going to the bar…there’s probably some woman out there who’s lonely today…”

You scoffed.  “Real nice, Winchester…trying to hook up with lonely woman on Valentine’s Day.”

“Hey…at least I’ll be getting some…unlike you!”

Cas interjected.  “Dean, what do you mean, ‘getting some’?  What are you getting some of?”

Dean shook his head, laughing as he ducked out the door.  “Why don’t you fill him in, (Y/N)?”

The both of you sat there in silence for a few brief moments.  You shift, Cas’s attention on you now at the sudden noise.

“Do you mind if I hop in the shower?  It’s been a long day…you don’t have to leave or anything…I’ll just be in the bathroom…”

“Go right ahead, (Y/N)…though I do not understand why you wouldn’t just walk into the shower…but by all means hop right into it!”  He smiled, trying to ease the tension and awkwardness in the room.  You smiled and shook your head at him.  Bless him, he is trying.

“Alright then, I shouldn’t be too long!”

“It is no trouble, (Y/N).”

You grinned, loving when he uttered those words to you as you headed for the bathroom, letting the steam and the hot water soothe your sore muscles.

You stepped out of the shower, feeling new, as you threw your clothes back on.  You stepped back into the main room.

“Hey Cas, I was—“

But he was gone.

You shrugged, getting ready to break out the beer and turn on Netflix for the night when you noticed that you had a voicemail notification on your phone.  You put your phone to your ear, knowing it could be important, and listen to the message.

“Yes…yes I know this is (Y/N)’s phone, that is why I called it.  Yes, I would like to leave a message.  Why are you still talking to me?  This is not your phone!  (Y/N)!?  (Y/N)?!  If you are there please listen to me!  Go to the place where you bought the Chinese food.  It is of great importance.”

And with that the message ended.  Alarmed that something was wrong you swiped Dean’s keys, thankful that he was walking to the bar that night and sped down the road, breaking all kinds of motor vehicle laws as you raced back to the restaurant, ready to gank any creature that stood in your way.  When you finally parked the car, gun in hand, and ready to go, you noticed something flashy in the alleyway.  You stalked quietly and swiftly, ready to strike when you noticed a simple red dress hanging on a hanger on a fire escape.  It had a note pinned to it.

I apologize for making you think the worst, (Y/N), but I fear that this was the only way to get you here.  Please put this on, I’m nearly positive that it will fit, and I’m absolutely certain that it will look beautiful on you.  Please go to local record store and pick out the album that you told me reminded you of me.

You smiled, shaking your head.  You wanted to be mad, but this was way too sweet.  A scavenger hunt?  What was Cas up to?  Your shrugged into the dress (that did fit perfectly…you weren’t sure to be impressed or creeped out), still clad in your converse as you walked into the record store, remembering how you were telling Cas about the song that made you think of him.  Well, it has wings in it and well, you’re an angel so…

Chewing on your lip you entered the record store, searching up and down the aisles until you finally find what you’re looking for.  You pull the record up from its place and see a note taped to it.

I’m glad you found this.  I was so very touched when you played this song for me.  To know that you think of me when I am not near makes me feel things that I have never felt, (Y/N).  It makes me feel things that I didn’t know that I was even capable of feeling, things that I cannot put into words.  Look under the shelf, and put those on.  Go back to the motel room.

Your face flushes as you read the note, ducking down to find a box of beautiful shoes.  You slip them on as you drive back over to the motel, your heart racing as you make yourself get out of the car.  As you walk to the door, your hand shakily makes its way to the knob, hearing the faint sound of music on the other side.  Twisting the knob and pushing the door open, you are greeted by a trenchcoat-less Castiel, still dressed in his suit.  He stands in the middle of the room nervous, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, twirling a single sunflower between his fingers.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, (Y/N).”

You blushed as bright as your dress, gently closing the door behind you.  You nervously walked closer to him as he offered you the flower.  You smiled down at it.

“Thank you Cas, I love sunflowers.”

“They remind me of you.  They are warm and bright.  They remind me of sunshine.  They remind me of your smile.  Though a flower cannot really do you any justice.”

Stepping closer to him, you bashfully looked away.

“I wish I had something to give you, Cas.”

He stepped forward, pulling you in close to himself as he swayed your bodies to the faint music in the background.

“This is all I could ever ask for, (Y/N).  I am not exactly 100% sure on this human custom, but I do believe I must ask you a question.”

“Sure thing, Cas.  What is it?”

He smiled down at you.  “Will you be my Valentine?”

You grinned, nearly giggling, feeling like a schoolgirl as he continued to sway the both of you to the music.

“It is no trouble, Castiel.”

He shared your grin, dancing with you until the wee hours of the morning, the both of you peppering each other’s faces with sweet, tender kisses.

[carlyfrombleachers]

EMOTION, because a CRJ blog needs to talk about EMOTION.

Some things in life are inevitable. Life, death, consumption of media, crying, interacting with others, and many other things, they are simply inevitabilities. Another inevitability is a Carly Rae Jepsen blog talking about EMOTION. It is something every blog-runner is eventually faced with, because of how impactful this record is for everyone who has listened to it. We will all write our EMOTION thinkpieces someday.

This post will only talk about the standard 12 tracks, Run Away With Me to When I Needed You. I will write about the Deluxe tracks (Black Heart, IDJCHTD, Favorite Colour, NGTHY, Love Again) some other time. Okay? Okay.

Also, I just realized my last two posts had the word “brilliance” on their titles. I do not know why that happened, maybe I’m a fan of the word, maybe they’re both brilliant! I don’t know. But the word “brilliance” is being banned from my titles from now on.

With that being said, let’s begin.

The First Three Tracks

I have talked about how important the first three tracks of an album are in my previous post, about Gone Now, but basically, the first three tracks are how they hook you, how they pull you in, how they make you stream it over and over. And EMOTION’s appetizers of Run Away With Me, EMOTION and I Really Like You are quite the solid ones. Run Away With Me wins every single “which is the best CRJ song” poll, so I really don’t want to talk about it, because I think everyone recognizes this is a good track. Personally, I think it is okay. Please don’t crucify me over this??? Thanks.

EMOTION is also a great track which I feel embodies what EMOTION (the album) is about. Which is why it shares a title with EMOTION (the album again). And this is what EMOTION (the album) is about. Emotion. I know, Queen of Subtlety, everyone please clap.

In all seriousness, EMOTION (the album!!!) is about love and the emotions that drive us. The love part is introduced with Run Away With Me, and the emotions, with EMOTION (the track). Run Away With Me is about unconditional love, about wanting to run away taking only the person you love the most. About forbidden love. About running away from all expectations and pursuing only love. EMOTION (the track again) is about evoking emotions in others, in those who you loved or still love, about wanting them to experience all emotions you two experienced together because you feel wronged by them.

And then we get to I Really Like You. I don’t like I Really Like You. You could say I Really Don’t Like It. And the fact it was the lead single? That’s just a weird choice. Sure, it’s catchy, and Tom Hanks is in the music video, but it’s just… not impactful enough? It’s very lovey-dovey, but that’s all it is. Love. Really Liking someone. There are better songs out there. But well, the first two tracks are so good, I think it hardly matters.

The Second Three Tracks..????

The middle of an album is weird. This is usually where themes are explored and pushed far. Lorde’s Melodrama features The Louvre, single Liability and Hard Feelings, where the themes of love shine through after their introduction through Green Light and Sober. Bleachers’ Gone Now features lead single Don’t Take The Money, along with Everybody Lost Somebody and All My Heroes. EMOTION’s tracks 4 through 6 are Gimmie Love, All That and Boy Problems.

These are weird tracks. The theme of love is very loosely present in all these songs, and the 80’s vibes shine very strongly here (especially in All That), but there is not much connecting all of them. Gimmie Love is about doing it with an ex, who you wish still loved you, All That is about being and doing everything for someone, and always being there for them, and then you have Boy Problems, which is, well, about how Boys Suck. The storyline of the record is confusing at best, much like Dua Lipa’s Future Nostalgia. Future Nostalgia, much like EMOTION, is an album about those cool disco vibes and there is not really a present, recurring theme shared between most of its tracks. The progression on EMOTION is basically, “I love you, let’s run away”, then “I hope you suffer, because I kind of want you back”, followed by “Hey, I like you!” which then becomes “let’s have sex”, and then “I want to always be here for you and do everything for you and everything about you is incredible”... only to be stopped by “hey men are kind of trash aren’t they?”, the progression is all over the place. A record doesn’t need to be composed of only tracks that tell a concise story, of course, and I’ll talk about what this means for EMOTION later on.

The Second Set Of Second Three Tracks

“When you need me / I will never let you fall apart / When you need me / I will be your candle in the dark”

This is for later, don’t worry. :)

Tracks 7 through 9 are also quite the odd bunch, with a bunch of odd tracks with zero correlation between each other. 

Making the Most of the Night is about being there for who you love no matter what, much like All That, with a sick beat instead of the more chill vibes. Your Type is a song about jealousy, one that is very welcome on EMOTION because it displays both themes of love and emotions very well. Your Type shines. It ranks very highly on every EMOTION ranking I see because it’s hard-hitting. “I’m not the type of girl for you / And I’m not going to pretend / I’m the type of girl you call more than a friend / And I break all the rules for you / Break my heart and start again / I’m not the type of girl you call more than a friend”? Damn. Let’s Get Lost is kind of meh. Run Away With Me did the whole “running away from everyone” deal a lot better. But I think it sets out to do a thing and it does the thing. Not particularly impressive, but it’s good.

I have seen people go insane because of someone saying their favorite EMOTION song was bad or annoying, so if you have felt personally offended by any of these, send me an ask. End all your asks with “+” so I know you hate me. It’s okay. My self-esteem is quite high nowadays. I also wish to keep track of which of you to watch out for. Unless you send them anonymously, of course. In that case, I hope I know how to evade you. I have seen this happen very frequently with people who like Let’s Get Lost, so that’s why I’m apologizing.

Why didn’t I apologize at the end, though? Well, it’s because the next three are my favorites.

The End: The Last Three Tracks

The last songs of an album are magical. All the themes shine after their exposition in earlier tracks, allowing the record’s message to be complete and meaningful. Of course, not every record needs to do this, but it’s a lot cooler if they do.

L. A. Hallucinations is a nice song about a love story that starts being interrupted because of fame and how impactful it is to one’s life, Warm Blood is this eerie-sounding track about creating this façade and hiding who you are, only to meet someone who makes you give up on everything because you wish to be completely truthful to them, and When I Needed You is the best Carly Rae Jepsen song. No, I am absolutely not biased, shut up.

I think the album’s title, and its theme of emotion, shine on the last tracks. The build-up for the closing track is simply wonderful, and it just ties everything together. The connections that opening and closing tracks (or simply first and second halves) have is a beautiful thing to witness. Let’s take Melodrama as an example, since I’ve been listening to it a lot lately.

Melodrama is divided into two main parts: Green Light through Hard Feelings, tracks 1 through 6; and Loveless through Perfect Places, tracks 6 through 11. The first half of the album is dedicated to Lorde sharing how she feels, how her breakup makes her feel, how harshly she feels everything. How she loved and how she is no longer loved, how she didn’t care about what happened to her as long as she was having fun and how she sees that what she was doing hurts herself. The second half is Lorde accepting that she is not loved by him anymore, that it is not really her fault and that she has to move on, knowing that her ex may or may not realize what he’s done. That’s why we get Sober II, when Sober was present in the first half, and Liability (Reprise), when Liability was also in the first half. The first half was about hurting and feeling awful, while the second part is about how you're not the only awful person out there. In Liability, Lorde believes wholeheartedly that she is a burden to everyone, that she is too much, that she needs to disappear, but in Liability (Reprise), she mocks such an idea, or perhaps even comes into terms with the fact that she is a liability, and then follows it up with “Whatcha gonna do?”, because if she admits such a thing and is not bothered by it, then it doesn’t matter. After reflecting on whether or not she’s a liability, she doesn’t care anymore.

EMOTION's When I Needed You is basically Melodrama's second half crammed into a single track, and oh, does it sound good. This track fixes every single problem I had with EMOTION's inconsistency, its contradictory themes. Because I can just argue that it's foreshadowing. This is the part where I argue that it's foreshadowing.

When I Needed You, And How Great Closing Tracks Are Important

When I Needed You basically turns EMOTION on its head. Everything about this track is straight up perfection. All the emotions that kept hiding from you and refusing to show themselves finally do in what is, in my opinion, the best closing track of any pop record.

It’s just… the way everything sounds, the amazing production, the lyrics, it’s all just… so perfect??? EMOTION (the track), Your Type and Boy Problems kind of don’t fit the theme of the rest of the record, they’re not about how amazing it is to be loved, and instead are about how painful it is (for EMOTION and Your Type) and how love does not matter (Boy Problems). When I Needed You somehow manages to tie all these themes together with stellar lyricism.

“Sometimes I wish that I could change / But not for me, for you / So we could be together forever” 

The sheer power of these lyrics, oh wow. Carly is just so tired of things not working out that she wishes to become someone else. She wants to be who she isn’t. All of that, just because she likes someone who doesn't like her for who she is.

“But I know, I know that I won’t change for you / ‘cause where were you for me? / When I needed someone / When I needed someone / When I needed you”

Very few records reach this level of… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But not every track can take the premise of “I wish I were someone else, but is it worth it?” and do it like When I Needed You does.

Remember what I said in All That, how I saved those lyrics for later? This is the part I bring them up.

“When you need me / I will never let you fall apart / When you need me / I will be your candle in the dark”

“[...] where were you for me? / When I needed someone [...] / When I needed you”

Carly wishes to be everything for someone in All That, she wishes to do literally anything for her lover, but in When I Needed You, she reveals her lover won’t do a single thing for her. Her lover does not care for her. And it doesn’t matter what she does, it doesn’t matter because she is not who she wants her to be.

I’m a Bleachers blog too, so I’m bringing Strange Desire up. I think Strange Desire, much like EMOTION, suffers from not having a very cohesive theme between all its tracks. Most of them are about love, and then you have I Wanna Get Better, and some more songs about love, but the album is quite… tame? It sets out to do something and it does it, and I like it.

The final track of Strange Desire, “Who I Want You To Love”, is quite the odd one. Whereas most songs in Bleachers’ first record are about wanting to see someone evolve while also struggling with evolving yourself, Who I Want You To Love is not really like that. It’s more like a “I give up” letter.

“I will love who you want me to love / Oh, I will bleed when you want me to bleed / But I don’t wanna know too much of anything / Because it all hurts me”

WIWYTL is simply about giving up. Going so far you don’t care about what happens to you. And it’s a perfect closing track for a record like Strange Desire. It has feeling. It has emotion. It has power, strong themes, a message. It’s beautiful. If you only come here for my CRJ content, I highly recommend you listen to Bleachers. It’s a bit wonky at first, but I’m sure you’ll love it if you give it a try.

Back to CRJ though, When I Needed You is an example of how to do a closing track. The weird, contradictory messages that popped up every now and then? It was self-doubt. Doubt that this relationship could grow. That maybe everything was not so great. She experiences a breakup, then falls in love again, and again, and again, only to realize she was changing too much for the people she loved, she was doing too much, and she doesn’t need to do too much. She needs to be happy and make others happy being herself, instead of changing who she is. And this is the main lesson you should take from this song: if you’re changing who you are just to satisfy someone you love, and you’re not happy with who you’re becoming, stop. It is not worth it.

I think every track has a message that can be taken from it, and the most important ones lie in Run Away With Me and When I Needed You. And I think that’s why so many people LOVE Run Away With Me. Because they love the message. Because of how beautiful the lyrics are, and because of how many people identify with wanting to run away with who they love, because they’re queer, because others would not understand, because being LGBT+ is seen as sinful. Or maybe it’s about sex, and that’s what the sinning implies, but I like my (and many other people’s) interpretation better.

Well, that’s all I have for today! Have a great month and happy holidays. As we approach December, I might start pumping out extra content, potentially talking about other records I love (Melodrama lol) or some other things I feel like you (my beautiful lovely readers) might enjoy! If there’s an album you want me to listen to, feel free to send me recs through the asks function! Goodbye.

[kaolinite91]

About Jiang Cheng

Okay I think this rambling gonna be long...

I started watching Untamed because I love seeing hanfu and I just finished playing Mulan VN which was also sets on ancient china.

What fascinating me was, that since the first time I've taken a great note on Jiang Cheng (the first scene when he throws WWX from the cliff). I was like.."wow, his costume looks so good, love the purple colors and details. Also his face is somehow look quite similar to my good-looking friend..hahaha". Maybe this sense of familiarity made me started to taken interest on him.

Then, the flashback on 2nd episode starting...his hair was loosen up a bit with a bang hanging on his right side of his face and I was like~ okay, I've decide. He is indeed my bias for this series..hahah (this is also how I usually choose a bias from boybands).

When I was still on 4th episodes, I was not sure how his character actually is, but I already like him so much. And then we showed on how he needs to make sure everything perfect while wwx just being free and loose and being loved by their sister, Yinli.

As I saw how his parents talks to him, I can definitely understand why he becoming that kind of character..a big Tsundere, always angry, feel great jealousy & inferiority to Wwx. However he is very filial too...which he never want to openly admit it, because he is a very Tsundere person, yet unfortunately this characteristic leading to his downfall too...

Actually if only he did what his mother ask him to do before the lotus pier massacre.. which was to make sure to stop the annoying Wen woman (I forgot her name) to light up the signal...they probably has much better chance to win. But he failed because he was too distracted and wanted to help his mother (although I think everyone there won't blame him too..).

It just revealed that the reason on why he lost his golden core was because he tried to helps WWX who almost get caught during that raining scenes. And this actions later leads to many tragic destinies of Yunmeng bros.

He was being pushed to be a Jiang leader ASAP by Jin leader and the others just some short times after the Lotus Pier massacre. He was also bring pushed to decide his sister wedding asap. He needs to decides on a lot of difficult situation ALONE. He was still young, griefing and inexperienced yet other people in the real live don't care (Basically I hate Jin clan leader as much as I hate Wen clan leaders). He had high hopes that WWX will be what his parents wants him to be, a loyal subordinate that will helps him to overcome all troubles as a clan leader.

But nope..

WWX becoming Yilling Patriarch. Which not only means left him alone on all the stiff and tiring bureaucracy meeting between clan leaders. But also, in a way cornered him. Everytime wwx doing something, Jiang clan was being mentioned and blamed by the other clans. So as a young clan leader who tried to be responsible for LIVES of a lot of people..of course he had no other options other than sever the ties between both of them (and as you can see in EP 28, it was Wwx idea who said if you can't defend me, then leave me...ugh why this bros cannot listen to each other and do a normal talks).

I think you can always see in the drama (which I honestly think has a very good acting and details), on how JC always looks jealous to Lan Zhan. Which is very reasonable. I mean, although both JC and LZ are responsible figures, but the weight of their titles are different. LZ is NOT a clan leader. He is kinda fortunate because it means, if he wanted it, he could become a free person just like WWX. Well his clan maybe gonna brand him as a traitor, but his older brother still there as Lan clan leader. So in term of ancestral legacy, its nothing to lose.

While JC, is not so fortunate, he is the only one who can be a Jiang leader. If he chose Wwx, his clan is either being claimed by other clan...or destroyed. Because when you're not in the same side of the history..then you're the villain of the story and needed to be estinguished. And he knows what Jin clan capable of that's why he's got really torned between responsibility and personal interest.

In the end he repressed his personal interest and fillial loves and chose a cold path of leadership responsibility. Thus why, he always angry to wwx.. he got jealous on wwx free will. and also JC still trying to grasped on the 'unattainable future', from wwx's past promises which was to stays alongside him and becoming a loyal subordinate of Jiang clan.

When he visited Burial Mount to fight and banished wwx, you can saw clearly that his heart was actually shattered. It was really difficult for him to comprehend wwx wish and dream to live selflessly for sake of justice.. to the extreme extend to even abandoned his own family and becoming that one public enemy. As already mentioned above, JC really cornered by the 'old clan members' because of what Wwx did. So when he said that he can't forever defend wwx...and wwx said 'then leaves me'.. it was really difficult for him (thus the tears from both of them).

Even the girl he likes, Wen Qing, choose wwx..lol. On Ep 20, JC want to help Wen Qing but he won't be able to save all of her family. Or else the other clans will brand Jiang clan as a traitor, right? While Wwx can save them all (he can be selfless because...he has nothing to lose except his own live). Since she knows how selfless wwx from what he has done to JC, I think she trust wwx more..-> this leads another blow to JC.

JC didn't know about the Golden core at that time. He only knew that.. he tried to save Wwx, lost his golden core, somehow got his core back then met Wwx again 3 months later with very different attitudes..and he realized the sadness and loneliness in Wwx eyes. He knew something was wrong but somehow cannot get the answer. I think both Yanli and JC really worried on the new Wwx. But because both of brothers just to stubborn on each others..the truth just then being concealed and buried before even appeared? No wonder this lack of information made him (unconsciously) starting to hates himself and blamed wwx for every misery happened in his life... (Although we knows that he was still super worried about him, deep inside his tofu heart).

When he finally got bombed by the 'surprise about his golden core' truth (thanks Wen Ning..lol). He was actually got no reason to hates wwx anymore. Those defense mechanisms finally broken, thus why in Guanyin temple he can finally cries ....ask for forgiveness and forgives him.

Then in the end of episode 50, when JC said 'take cares' to wwx who already gone far away..the background ost is from Yinli theme song 'discontent'. I believe the tunes from parts where it says ' no goodbyes, no separations, no worries and no griefs...can you still hear the call of A-Xian..(this theme song is so sad but also calming). He smiles and finally, let wwx go...

So I think after this, if someday WWX somehow come to visit Lotus Pier, JC would still welcome him as an old friend and family (in his usual tsundere manners) and hopefully this two brothers can finally gives each other warm hugs. They deserved it okay...;A;

Do you think JC would ever told wwx about that 'one raining day'? I don't think so..but I kinda believe this action gives him a good karma...in a way. :)

Btw I think it is also very sad that he named his beautiful purple sword: Sandu. Because it was representing his live episodes and memories?

Ps: I really want to gives ultimate salutation to Wang ZhouCheng because I think he was doing a really good job in bringing JC as a character to real life. It still impressed me on how he could transformed from a young friendly boy to a stern, sassy uncle..hahaha. and also he said that everytime he rolled eyes to wwx, that was natural. And that means he indeed understood a sibling feeling very well (Is he has sibling?). Because that's what every siblings done when not agreeing their other siblings or family members..right? hahaha.

So in conclusion, Jiang Cheng in CQL was a big tsundere who torned between people he loves and responsibility. Needs to blamed others for defense mechanism just to finally let it go and started to move on.

And final thought from me...to be an anti mainstream like WWX is indeed very difficult. You will fight a lot of people when you want to change a system. And in the end you are either ends up as a public enemy or hero.

[missjosie27]

Year 2 Part 9- The First Vault

Hello, everyone.

There is good news! I seem to have my mojo back, that spark every writer needs to adequately make their craft. So expect updates to come a lot more often.

This chapter is the vault chapter though it will not mark the end of Year 2. For the record, I intend to write all seven years but that is going to take a hell of a long time given JC's very slow updating schedule haha.

Anyway enjoy this chapter! As always comment what you think. I enjoy it immensely.

Year 2 Part 9. The First Vault

Ben’s hopes for an uneventful end of the semester turned out to be oddly prophetic. The number of ice attacks dropped so significantly that even the first years seemed to be more relaxed going into the latter part of May and into June. Tension ran much lower and even the most brooding Slytherin or skeptical Ravenclaw had to admit things were looking up. Though Dumbledore was still noticeably absent, Professor McGonagall filled in more than adequately as deputy headmistress.

All the while, David felt…conflicted. He was certainly happy that the ice attacks had stopped, and the danger seemingly gone. But that didn’t lead him any closer to finding out what happened to his brother nor the identity of ‘R’ and what they wanted in general. Would he trade for more clues about the cursed vault just to have more information on Jacob? No, he wasn’t that selfish, unlike those such as Merula who only thought about themselves. But it didn’t ease that same longing he’d felt since he was nine years old, nor satisfy his curiosity.

Ben, of course, was ecstatic and Rowan tried to see the bright side as usual, telling him that no curse meant more time to study for their upcoming exams (whoop de doo) and reduce their chances of getting in trouble with the teachers. Bill, however, was the only one who remained unconvinced that the danger had truly passed.

“A magical cursed vault doesn’t just stop cursing people,” he explained one day while at the training grounds. “From what I’ve researched, cursed objects are often unpredictable and not at all stable due to the sheer amount of dark magic they contain.”

“Are these vaults even dark, though?” Rowan pointed out, as he fired a stinging hex towards his target. “It could just be a natural defense mechanism of someone trying to interfere with it.”

“I don’t personally trust anything that has the capacity to seriously maim or kill someone,” David opined.

Bill send a burst of flame forth, incinerating a dummy to ashes.

“If it turns out that this was nothing more than a false alarm, I won’t complain,” he said. “But until we can actually confirm that, it’s best to remain on our toes.”

And remain on their toes they did, thanks to Bill. Three times a week, they were down by the ground training and when they weren’t Rowan was often in the library searching for more books on the ancient Aramaic language they found the previous year, or anything on the vault’s origin. Penny received several new potions books from her mother and was pouring through them for more ideas or possible brews they could use in the event of an attack.

For his part, David tried to juggle the rest of his schoolwork with the vaults. His mother in particular was expecting higher marks this year and constantly reminded him of that in her letters.

Do as I say, not as I do he lamented. It was typical of his mum to offer instruction but little sympathy in doing so. If only Dad actually had a backbone. Whatever, it’s not like they’re actually here seeing what I get up to

All of these things were to bound to come to a head sooner or later and when it did, it was in the most unexpected fashion imaginable.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The day of pandemonium coincidentally was on the last Quidditch match of the season, where Gryffindor was due to play Ravenclaw for the title. The air was abuzz with excitement, and though the Slytherins were more than a bit glum at being out the running, it was expected to be an even, prime time matchup. It was not an atmosphere concerned with the cursed vaults.

That included David and Bill, who in their eager anticipation of the match, rose early and sped down to breakfast both for the purpose of eating and wishing Charlie luck. Since his first match against Slytherin, his ascent into superstardom had been rapid. The game against Hufflepuff was as equally lopsided, with Gryffindor winning 400-100 in a span of about half an hour. But it wasn’t simply the score that had the Lions on the cusp of their first cup since the late seventies, it was a generational talent and that person was Charlie Weasley. His natural ability on a broom was so spectacular, many people openly talked of him playing for England someday. True to his nature, the second eldest Weasley merely shrugged such talk off, choosing instead to focus on the Quidditch Cup but the chatter was undeniable.

“Good luck, little bro,” Bill teased him moments before heading down into the locker room. “You know Fred and George are going to want a full play by play after you win.”

“Knock it off, Bill,” Charlie said, rolling his eyes but there was a small smile on his face all the same. “Just have the butterbeer ready when we come back.”

Giving each other fist bumps, Skye Parkin called over as she tossed the quaffle back and forth between herself and fellow chaser Ruth Barrett.

“Oi, Weasley! Orion’s called us to the pitch! Let’s go!”

“She has a way with words,” Bill observed mildly.

Charlie raised his hands as he got up from the table.

“Just who she is.”

“Knock em, dead, mate. We all know you’ll be brilliant,” David encouraged, giving one last slap on the back.

The red head thanked him and quickly exited the Great Hall to the applause of the Gryffindor table, while the Ravenclaws paid them no mind.

“Gotta say, definitely different than playing Slytherin from a pregame standpoint,” David observed.

“Ravenclaws don’t need to use shady or underhanded tactics to try and intimidate opponents,” Bill pointed out. “Their talent and tactics are usually enough. Besides, their team left for the locker room already.”

“Good point.”

Checking out his watch, David began to wonder where Rowan and Ben were. Both had assured him they’d be down just after himself. Even if his best friend wasn’t the earliest riser when it came to Quidditch matches, he was usually sufficient enough to dress and shower quickly.

“Where are those guys?” he muttered to himself. The Great Hall was beginning to empty out. Even the Professors were absent from the table. Something wasn’t right.

Bill tried to reassure him in his usual cool, collected manner.

“I’m sure they’ll be along s-”

He never was able to finish the sentence as screaming and panic began to erupt from outside of the hall. Whoever was left eating breakfast immediately ran to the scene of the commotion, including the two Gryffindors. What they saw was pure pandemonium: adolescents and teenagers from all houses were running back and forth and wasn’t hard to see why. Numerous spores of ice were blooming all around them, growing at a rapid pace threatening to engulf all in their path.

David and Bill, both glanced at each other, simultaneously gulping. Suddenly, wave of blonde slammed into them.

“Ack! Penny?!”

“Dave! Bill! Oh, I’m so glad I found you,” she said through a tight hug around David’s midsection (he blushed ever so slightly). “Is this the cursed vault?”

“Has to be,” the young Gryffindor replied. “What else could be making such gigantic icebergs?”

Just then, a large mass could be seen moving towards them through the crowd and given his height advantage it wasn’t difficult to spot who it was.

“Dave? Bill? All yehs thank goodness yer alrigh’.”

“Hagrid? What on earth is going on?”

The exceedingly large man’s warm, beetle eyes were saddled with watery worry.

“The cursed ice is spreadin through all o’ Hogwarts!” he replied, nervously tapping a pink umbrella by his side. “It’s getting ter be madness out there. Gryffindor Tower is completely blocked in, the dungeons got icicles stickin out everywhere. An’ apparently the Ravenclaw Quidditch team are trapped inside the changing rooms. The blasted ice is expandin so fas’ that the Professors can’t keep up with it and there’s only so much they can do. Especially with Professor Dumbledore off searchin fer that curse-breaker.”

Hagrid paused and mumbled to himself.

“Ah, shouldn’ta said that, should not have said that.”

“What curse breaker?” David asked curiously. But the groundskeeper waved off their concerns with one of his trash can lid hands.

“Never mind tha’ now. My job is to keep you lot safe until the ice is under control. Now head back into the Grea’ Hall while I go assist Professor McGonagall.”

As he sped off, or as fast as one of his girth could go, David looked back towards his two companions, blocking out the hysteria around him.

“We have to move fast,” he told Bill and Penny. “It sounds like the ice is back with a vengeance.”

“But shouldn’t the Professors handle it?” the blonde asked, fear evident in her crystal, blue eyes.

“It sounds like they have too much on their plate in order to properly deal with the cursed ice. And this time it might not be enough to save the day,” David pointed out.

“We’re forgetting one key thing,” Bill added. “The Professors don’t even know where the origin of this ice is. They may not be able to fix it.”

“But we do. And we can,” David declared. “Bill’s right. No one besides us knows where this vault is located. It’s time for a third and final visit.”

Bill looked over his shoulder to ensure no one was listening, simultaneous worry and conflict on his handsome features. However, he also appeared resolved.

“I didn’t want to go back in there without at least four or five us just so we could have each other’s backs, but it looks like there’s no choice. The three of us will go in, break that curse, and save Hogwarts.”

David nodded in complete agreement. As much as he wanted Rowan and Ben with them, his two roommates were effectively trapped within the common room. They were the last remaining hope.

“It’s settled then. Penny, are you in?”

Though her own misgivings could still be seen in her face and body posture, Penny didn’t hesitate in her answer.

“Absolutely. I told you David that the next time something like this happens to involve me. Well, you’re going to keep that promise whether you like it or not.”

She truly is the most loyal Hufflepuff I’ve ever seen

“You’re amazing, Penny. Alright let’s go!”

And without so much as a second thought, the three teens took off running towards the thirteenth corridor.

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It didn’t take long to reach the corridor nor for David to reveal the hidden entrance. Being the third go around, he could pinpoint the spot precisely and the power of being an advanced Transfiguration student certainly didn’t hurt either.

When the eerie hallway and steps were exposed, Penny was taken aback.

“Whoa,” she uttered softly. “I’ve never seen a cursed vault before, but even this is a lot to take in at one time.”

“Stay close,” David nodded towards her. The last thing he needed was more casualties on this trip. Rowan and Bill had nearly frozen to death in each of the last instances. He would ensure nothing of the sort happened to Penny. However, her inexperience was showing already. The two Gryffindor teens already knew what to expect unlike the blonde Hufflepuff.

“Don’t worry,” he tried to reassure her. “It’s okay to be scared. We all are.”

“But it always helps to have a bit background. Especially for someone who’s never seen all of this macabre rubbish,” Bill joked.

Penny gave a frail smile, nevertheless she remained quite frightened of the ominous knights and ancient statues that surrounded them.

“What should I expect?” she asked bravely.

“If memory serves correctly, there will be a chamber with a massive door of ice in front of us, guarded by a giant shield shaped like a snowflake,” Bill explained to her.

“You’re taking the mickey, right?”

David resisted the urge to laugh despite the seriousness of the situation.

“It sounds pretty unbelievable but trust me, Penny. We’re not lying.”

As if to prove his point they came across the same giant wall of ice that stood against their path to the doors, twice as thick and formidable as before.

“Well…this is a problem,” David observed. “Will the knockback jinx be enough, Bill?”

“It’s our only hope, mate,” Bill told him, pulling out his wand. “If we hit it at the same time, it should be enough to create a big enough entry way for us to fit through.”

The two second years copied the older boy and prepared to fire.

“Give it all you got, Penny,” David told her, giving a look of encouragement. “Whatever ounce of power you think you have….summon every ounce of it.

I’m going to need it too

“On the count of three,” Bill announced and Penny’s normally cute, bubbly features took on an uncharacteristic degree of determination. “One….two….THREE!”

“Flipendo!”

Beams of blue light struck the ice with a tremendous force but to their dismay, only a slight dent was made, indicating the defenses were much stronger than originally thought of.

“Try it again. One…two…THREE!”

“Flipendo!”

This time a small hole was made through the ice, but it was barely big enough for a man to go ice fishing.

“One more,” Bill breathed heavily. “We can do this. On my count…one…two…THREE!”

This time, their efforted yielded paydirt as the combined power of their spells blasted the ice apart, leaving a man sized opening just big enough for them duck through.

“When you get inside, spread out and be ready when the door starts blasting its freezing charms,” the eldest Weasley informed them. “Penny, you remember the fire spell, yeah?”

“Incendio, right?”

“That’s the one. As soon as you get close enough to it, blast it with all your power.”

David nodded in affirmation. There was no time to think or get fancy, the only objective was to get past that door and ensure that this curse was broken once and for all. As for what came after….they could deal with that later.

Sure, enough as they entered the icy chamber and drew close, the snowflake shield began firing off freezing curses, causing the three teens to roll off to one side in order to avoid them.

“I see what you mean!” Penny yelled, drawing her wand. “Also, really wish I’d worn something other than a skirt had I known we’d literally be going into a cursed vault!”

David fired a knockback jinx to buy them some time, but their offensive nearly stalled as a freezing spell nearly hit Bill, causing him to slip forward on the slick, unstable surface.

“That was too close,” he muttered. “Alright, after the next curse it shoots off, fire away with everything you got.”

David drew his own wand and aimed carefully, shrinking low on the steps, concentrating all of his magic into the biggest inferno ball he could imagine in his head. By the hardened look on Penny’s face, she was evidently doing the same. As soon as the next freezing spell (aimed for Bill again) passed, he and the Hufflepuff were on their feet charging the door.

“INCENDIO!!” they roared simultaneously.

With their combined strength, huge plumes of fire issued forth and made contact with the shield attached the door. Through the heat and acrid smoke, David could see that the icy fortification was melting into a pool of water onto the floor. By the time the fire barrage ended, it was completely gone.

“YES!” he exclaimed. “We finally got rid of that bloody thing.”

The group barely had time to celebrate however as ominous rumbling could be heard from inside of the door, the ground quaking as though a giant were approaching.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Penny stated, anxiety back on her face.

“I just realized, David,” Bill said turning to him. “All this time we thought this door was keeping us out of the vault…but what if it was keeping something IN?”

It was a consideration they had no time to discuss more for at that moment, as the massive doors opened to reveal a terrifying sight: an Ice Knight, made of iron but covered completely in chunks of snow and frost, about ten feet tall carrying a massive sword. It did not look pleased at their intrusion.

“Merlin’s Beard,” Bill breathed. “Everyone, take cover!!”

But he was too late. The knight struck out with his sword creating an icy wind so fierce, so deathly cold that one could not stand against it without plunging into a winter induced coma. In a quick succession, Bill’s body was quickly entrapped in ice as was Penny’s. Fortunately for David, he had managed to jump out of the way in time, all except his foot, which he managed to free.

“Blasted thing…” he muttered, ripping his foot away and breaking the containment. He ignored the rising chill in his bones as he saw his two friends stuck in blocks of ice so thick, it was a wonder they could move at all. Both of their faces were already turning blue.

“L-look out!” Bill warned threw chattered teeth as the knight swung his blade once more.

Again, David had to dive out of the away to avoid getting caught in the same prison. Wheeling around, he aimed his wand and issued out another fire blast. It caught the knight square in the chest, causing it to reel back but otherwise had no effect.

“Uh oh.”

For the third time, he avoided a blizzard blast but only just barely. There was no telling how long he could keep this up. Not to mention the health and safety of his friends were increasingly in jeopardy. He wasn’t going to win by simply dodging the strikes.

“D-D-Dave,” Penny managed to utter out. “C-c-come here. Reach into m-m-my j-j-jumper pocket.”

He did not argue, running over to her and doing as instructed. Within seconds, a bottle of green potion was in his hand.

“It’s f-f-fire breathing p-p-potion. I know i-i-it’s risky b-b-but it might be our only h-h-hope.”

“S-s-she’s right!” Bill called out in agreement. “You h-h-have to use it n-n-now!”

In a split second David managed to consider the options: fire breathing potion could damage someone’s esophagus and stomach beyond repair if too much was ingested at one time. And would it be enough to actually take down their adversary? Unless…

Wait a second, I have an idea

Ducking another blast from the Ice Knight, David wasted no more time. He quickly chugged the potion, feeling its warmth rush down his throat and into the pit of his gut (it was rather like ingesting tasteless, extremely hot water). Putting his wand directly in front of his mouth, he ran up to the Knight, and knelt down on one knee.

Summoning a deep breath, David aimed straight for its midsection with only a second to spare.

“INCENDIOOOOO!!!!”

The fire breathing potion combined with the spell of his wand issued a concentrated beam of fire so powerful that it cut through the giant’s armor like a hot knife through butter, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of its body. As soon as the damage was recognized the silent knight looked down, fell to its knees before bursting into a cloud of snow and dust.

Panting heavily, David barely even registered his victory, rushing over to help Bill and Penny. Using the last of his fire breathing reserved, he managed to carefully blow a ring of fire around the ice, cracking it to the point where both could effectively free themselves.

“D-Dave, do you know what you j-just did?” Penny asked him, her pretty features in full awe.

“Careful, Penny. You’re still shivering pretty badly.”

“F-forget me, that was the m-most amazing thing I’ve ever s-seen!”

“She’s right you know,” Bill concurred. His body still quaked as well but his larger size and body mass ensured he did not feel the effects quite as badly. “Dave, I’ve never seen a second year do that before. You just took down something ancient, something way beyond what most wizards have ever seen.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the compliments, but David had seen this story before. Rowan and Bill each required sufficient time to recover from the door blasts and the knight’s power was far stronger than that. They needed to get to the hospital wing.

“Guys, let’s go see Madam Pomfrey before you freeze to death, come on-”

“Not before you enter that vault,” Bill cut him off.

“Forget the vault,” David insisted, supporting Penny with his own body weight. “We need to leave this place.”

“Leave after everything we did to open the bloody door?” Bill barked out with a laughter. “Not likely. David we’ll be fine. This is what you wanted: the first step in finding the answers about your brother. Go, I can take care of Penny.”

Before he could protest, the blonde placed a soft, feminine hand over his mouth.

“Hush,” she said with a smile. “B-Bill’s right, we’re b-both okay.”

Swallowing, but also nodding his head, David acquiesced to their insistence. He didn’t like the idea of leaving them behind whilst they were still in considerable trouble, but curiosity and desire overrode his fear. Any immediate threat was gone now. It was time to see just what was behind those frozen doors.

“Together,” he said to them. “All three of us.”

His friends smiled at him.

“If you insist, David.”

And just as he insisted, the three friends stepped inside the doors into the unknown.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In contrast to the snowy, ice cream covered walls of the chamber outside, the inside of the vault was quite similar to the hallway in its décor and decoration. It was also considerably warmer. Inside was a dark, copper green colored room lined with four different knight statues, all resembling the one they had just fought. In the center was a lit column, situated upon a stone pillar, lit by a soft, yellowish glow the emanated from the inside. Upon the column, was an ancient language, the same that Rowan translated a year earlier.

“Unbelievable,” Penny breathed out.

“There is definitely something to this column here,” Bill said, rubbing his chin.

“Perhaps it has something inside?” David suggested to which eldest Weasley shrugged.

“Only one way to find out, mate. You can do the honors.”

The second year Gryffindor didn’t hesitate. Foolish as it may seem to touch a mysterious magical object of unknown origin and power, the nagging desire was too much to resist for him. He didn’t know what to expect really, if anything at all. However, a curious thing occurred upon his finger resting on the column. It began to shift and unfold as though it were a flower in bloom. What lay inside was odder still. They seemed to be hovering in midair in a yellowish mist.

“A broken wand and a book? Not exactly the treasure I was hoping for,” Bill observed.

“Who knows? Maybe their clues,” David countered. And before he could stop himself he reached inside and attempted to take the two objects. Upon doing so, a familiar voice began echoing loudly inside his head.

Find the other four vaults, David….Find my room…

Could it be…Jacob?

“Find your room?” he asked the voice aloud. “I don’t understand.”

You can’t let ‘her’ get there first! Hurry!

“Who’s her?” he asked again. “What do you mean?”

Just then he was pulled back from the center of the column by Bill.

“Dave! Snap out of it!”

“Wha?”

Bill looked at Penny and back to him, his expression confused and concerned.

“You were in some kind of trance. You kept talking to someone lime if they were in the room with us.”

“I…heard a voice,” David admitted, not knowing what else to say.

“Who?”

“My brother….told me to keep finding the other vaults. You must think I’m mad, don’t you?”

They must think I’m off my rocker. I don’t blame them either

To his surprise, neither Penny nor Bill seemed to regard him as a madman waiting to go to the looney bin.

“For what it’s worth, I believe you, Dave,” Penny spoke up.

“So do I. I could believe anything after what we just went through,” Bill agreed.

“Did he say anything specific?”

David regained his senses and analyzed the situation for a moment. How was it possible that he had just heard his brother? Even in the wizarding world, witnessing voices that weren’t there was not a good sign and yet he couldn’t shake the feeling what he heard was not the work of insanity.

“He told me to locate his room and that there are four more vaults, specifically. And to find them before ‘her’. Whoever that is.”

“Her?” Penny repeated. “This just keeps on getting weirder.”

“I concur,” Bill said. “But what about the wand and book?”

David inched closer once more and took both of the objects without further visitation from the voice. Upon inspection, he recognized the wand’s true owner.

“This is Jacob’s wand. The one he had while at Hogwarts. I’d know it anywhere.”

Bill took the leather bound journal from him and began flipping the pages, his eyebrows furrowed in befuddlement.

“This book, whoever it belonged to, is nothing but scribbles and random drawings. It appears the author was quite mad.”

“Could it be a clue to the location of the next vault?” Penny asked.

David didn’t know what to think. Far from answering questions, their journey and entry to the vault seemed to invite more questions, thickening this mystery even further. The quest to find his brother now took on a whole new meaning.

“I have no idea,” Bill said quietly after a moment of pondering. “But what I do know is that we need to get out of here before we get caught.”

Snapping back to his senses, the second year almost forgot how long they had been in here. It was long past overdue for their departure.

“Bill’s right. We don’t want to find any of the teachers waiting for us by the time we get back. It’s time to go.”

“Do you think that we stopped the cursed ice for good?” Penny wondered aloud. “I hope no one got hurt.”

It was a sentiment they all shared but one they had no way of knowing until they returned back to the halls of Hogwarts. With enough adventure completed for one day, the trio made their way out of the vault and into the thirteenth corridor.

[lulubette11]

Ok, I’ve just gotta say that I’m struggling with this whole Jill Ellis farewell thing.  I am truly and seriously torn.  I loved her at the beginning and I loved that she was a woman in a demanding head coaching position.  I loved that she was a lesbian with a wife and a daughter.  I loved the way she always seemed calm and composed during press conferences.  I loved a lot of things about her.  And then I thought about how little she used HAO in the 2015 World Cup.  And then she started disrespecting Ali Krieger.  And then she cut Whitney Engen.  And then she fucked the team up so badly that they crashed out of the 2016 Olympics.  I don’t care what anybody says - if you take World Cup winners from July 2015 and turn them into a team that doesn’t even get the chance to fight for an Olympic medal one year later.....that’s 100% on the coach.  But anyway.  And then she freaking cut Ali Krieger after even more disrespect and dishonest answers to questions about why she wasn’t playing anymore.  And then she left her dangling at 98 fucking caps.  98 fucking caps.  No previous player on the USWNT had ever made it to 90 caps and then not gotten to 100.  Not ever.  But Ellis left Krieger frozen out at 98 fucking caps.  What monster does that?

So, ummmm, yeah I love what Jill Ellis has done for the future of female coaches everywhere.  I love that a lot.  I understand what a huge deal it is to coach a team to win a World Cup Championship, not just once!  But twice!!!  It’s an enormous, earth-shattering accomplishment.  I want to celebrate Jill Ellis.  That’s what I do.  I broadcast the hell out of achievements like this all over my real-life social media.  I teach my uneducated friends and family about Pat Summitt and other women who have succeeded in male-dominated fields, especially sports.  And I really, truly want to feel joy in my heart for Jill Ellis because I honestly think she deserves it.  We’re not going to see another coach win back to back World Cup titles in our lifetime.  It might not ever happen again.  But I can’t fucking do it because I can’t forget what she did to Ali Krieger.  

Ali didn’t lose her spot because somebody better beat her out for it.  She didn’t lose her spot because she got old and slow - even though that’s what US Soccer has been preaching and what most idle fans now believe.  She didn’t lose her spot because she stopped being a great teammate or leader or player.  WE DON’T KNOW WHY SHE LOST HER SPOT and that’s one of my biggest problems with Jill Ellis.  We’ll probably never know the truth but from all intelligent reasoning it was somehow US Soccer politics.  Maybe Ali was the sacrificial lamb for the often-whispered about coup that many of the players tried to stage after the failed 2016 Olympics.  Maybe Becky Sauerbrunn lost her captaincy because she spoke up about what happened to Ali and challenged Jill on it.  We’ll never know.  But what anybody with a brain should be able to figure out is that Ali got done dirty.  And then, when all other options failed and there was no more time for Ellis to fuck around with less-qualified and less-talented RBs (this is not a Kelley O’Hara bash or a Casey Short bash or a Crystal Dunn bash - those three and Ali are the best OBs in the player pool), Ali was finally invited back in the 11th hour.

That’s not great work from Coach Ellis.  That’s an embarrassing spotlight on a situation that just got swept under the rug for 2 years.  Whatever.  Ali came back and looked like she never left and played very meaningful minutes in the 2019 World Cup.  Who would you want playing the second half of the championship game against the Netherlands and their powerful, talented forwards?  I’m not knocking Emily Sonnett, but there’s no way that game is a shut out if she plays the second half instead of Ali Krieger.  Sonnett is great but she just doesn’t have that big game experience yet (and Ellis insists on playing her out of position as an OB instead of a CB).  

So here I am....wanting to celebrate Jill Ellis but not being able to.  I love the USWNT and I hope the next coach is great and helps them win the gold medal in the Olympics next summer.  I hope that Ali gets another shot at an Olympic medal before she retires but I don’t know that it will happen.  I hope a lot of things.  And I honestly wish Jill Ellis well in whatever she does next.  But I can’t just forget that she almost got away with robbing Ali Krieger of her 100 cap ceremony Thursday night.  Imagine the past 6 months differently - without Kriegs on the roster.  Stuck at 98 caps by a vindictive, petty coach.  I know the team is about way more than just one player, or even one group of players, but it shouldn’t be all about one coach either.  I want to celebrate Jill Ellis and maybe someday I’ll be able to.  Ali Krieger doesn’t seem bitter about it but I still am.  I’m working on it.  It was pretty telling that the oldest players who contributed to the team’s ‘thank you Jill’ social media post yesterday were Julie and Crystal.  That said a whole lot right there.

So for now I’ll say thank you Jill Ellis for bringing Ali Krieger back.  And for keeping Jaelene Hinkle out.  Those are the two smartest things you’ve ever done and I genuinely appreciate you for both of them.  I’d like to thank you for moving Julie Ertz to be the best holding midfielder in the world, but that was Rory Dames’ genius so I can’t do it.  But thank you for keeping her there. Thank you for getting rid of the 3-back system (even though it’s a good system if you use the right players in the correct positions).  I’ll keep working on this list until someday I can just tell people about the great lesbian coach, maybe the best coach ever, who brought the USWNT two, back to back, World Cup Championships.    I sure hope so.

[amyscascadingtabs]

you can hear it in the silence

pre-the cruise, inspired by this tumblr post.  read on ao3

It’s too early.

Jake’s never been a morning person, and he’s certainly not about to become one at the age of thirty-five. Morning people are smug and infuriating anyway; the way they’ll act all chipper and try to make small talk in the break room while he waits for the coffee to brew, casually mentioning their pre-work 5k jog or their green juice breakfasts, is high up on the list of things Jake loathes. He doesn’t want to be a morning person, and it would contravene all his values and leave him questioning the details of his personality for ages if he were to become one. However, if there were any benefits to being one, it’s that he imagines it would improve his current situation.

It’s five-thirty a.m. and they’ve been driving for an hour. He says they, but he means Amy, as his girlfriend of seven months took one glance at his lethargic appearance and slumped posture as he dragged himself out of bed five minutes before they had to leave, and promptly declared that she would be driving. They’re on their way to another prisoner transfer upstate - not all too dissimilar from the one they dealt with on the disastrous road trip over a year ago - but this time, the NYPD couldn’t offer them to stay over. They would have to drive, and they would have to do it at an hour which Jake, as he made sure to let Holt know, considers inhumane. Sadly, his use of the fancy word had no effect on the superior officer, and Jake asked himself once again what the point of trying to improve his vocabulary actually was if it couldn’t get him out of these situations like. He asked Amy before they went to bed the night before, but she’d simply laughed - that laugh, it could distract him from anything, there could be a war going on outside and he still wouldn’t hear a thing but her laugh - and told him his whole morning-hating thing was adorable. 

Jake feels like many things when he’s leaning his head towards the car window, using his balled-up hoodie as a pillow and closing his eyes to attempt another micro-nap, but adorable isn’t one of them. He’s grumpy and uncommunicative, there are bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep tonight, his hair is a certified mess and he’s oceans away from being anyone remotely close to his best and most charming self. He feels bad for Amy, really. She’s seen him in worse conditions and she didn’t even run away scared when he had the mumps two weeks ago, but he still feels like she deserves better companionship than his uninterrupted yawning. 

“Hey,” he mumbles, placing a hand on her arm to try and get a fragment of her attention. “I, uh - I’m sorry for being worthless company.”

“It’s okay.” Her response comes immediately, and she smiles at him for a millisecond before returning her focus to the traffic. “I know you’re not a morning person.”

“I’m usually not this bad, though.”

“You’ve just been ill,” she counters, and warmth spreads in his chest at the sound of how soft, how caring, she says it. Her voice makes him comfortable, and the way she says her words makes him trust them. “And you’ve been working non-stop since then. You just need to give yourself some time to recover and not be so hard on yourself.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

She’s keeping her eyes on the road, but he thinks he can spot a content smirk on her lips. He watches her drive with all the skilfulness and patience it takes to manage driving in the dark, and the regret of not having kept his eyes open for more of this drive washes over him; she looks unfairly gorgeous like this. Even in the semidarkness of the car, his trained detective eyes note the way her lips purse when she focuses, the subtle movements of her wrists on the steering wheel when she adjusts the car so they’re driving perfectly straight. Every minuscule movement she makes, every little detail and quirk he notices about her, leaves him in absolute awe. He’s secretly happy she’s too uncompromising a driver to look away long enough to meet his near-hypnotized gaze. 

 It’s a bewildering feeling, getting to think these things about her without an acute pang of guilt following it, and there are days when he wonders if he’s living a dream. Certainly, the fact that he’s been Amy Santiago’s boyfriend for seven months must be too good to be true, and he’s still not entirely sure she won’t wake up one day and realize she’s much better than him and dump his grumpy, tired-in-the-morning ass without warning. She’s Orangina, and he’s regular store-brand orange drank who won the highest lottery win when she showed up outside his door to tell him they should screw just being colleagues. 

“Do you want to stop for coffee and breakfast somewhere in a little while?”

It’s such a casual, everyday question she’s asking, but at this moment she could be talking about the science of dust particles and it’d be music to his ears.

“Somewhere with pancakes?” He asks mostly to hear her laughter again, and for a blissful second, he does.

“I looked up a few diners yesterday. They should have pancakes.”

“Always the researcher,” he grins. 

“It’s good to be prepared.”

“Title of your sextape.”

She snorts, shaking her head, but there’s a smile spreading across her lips she makes no effort to hide.

He asks if he can play some music and she nods, knowing he’s already found the aux cord and opened his Taylor Swift playlist by the time he asks. A moment later, You Are In Love is sounding through the speakers and he's humming along to the songs - he's always at least humming along. Part of it is simply because it makes Amy smile when he does. She makes that charming little half-smile, where she’s attempting to look stone-faced but the corners of her mouth are twitching anyway and her eyes gleam to say that she’s entertained, even if she’s trying her best to hide it. Jake’s seen that half-smile more times than he can count since the first day she sat down at the desk across from him. Of all the numerous different faces he’s ever seen her make - and they’re many - this one is up there with the ones he loves most. He makes her laugh, she likes to remind him, and getting to do so feels like his greatest honor in life. 

He should tell her, he thinks. She deserves to know. She deserves getting to hear those words he knows bothers her he hasn’t told her out loud yet, but each time he tries it’s like a panic switch is pulled in his brain and he ends up making some dumbfounded joke instead, trying to make his way out of the emotionally vulnerable situation before he makes a mistake and admits too much. It’s happened before, meaning surely it can happen again, and he can’t lose it this time.

He can’t lose her.

In the meantime, he tells her in other ways, trying to pretend they mean as much. When they park the car outside the diner, he declares that he’s driving the next section and receives a grateful smile in return. Before they go inside, he wraps his arms around her from behind and spins her around so he can give her the good morning-kiss he never gave her at their 4 a.m. wakeup call. While she goes to grab them a good table near the window, he pays for extra bacon to his pancakes so she can steal more of it. 

He loves her, and he’s getting more certain by the day that it’s the most he’s ever loved another person, but it doesn’t make the step of verbally telling her any easier. He’s standing on the edge of a metaphorical swimming pool, waiting for the courage to take one deciding, pivotal leap forward and crash into the water, hoping he’ll swim and not sink.

He knows he’ll have to tell her eventually. Someday, sooner rather than later - at least so he hopes - when the thought of saying it seems marginally less daunting. 

“Did you get extra bacon?”

“Yeah. I knew you were just going to steal mine anyway.”

“Hey!” Amy puts a hand on her chest, eyes wide open in exaggerated shock. “I’m not a bacon-thief! Lies!”

“I’d never lie about something as serious as this,” he says, keeping a neutral expression. Then he lifts his plate of pancakes, pushing a few of the syrup-coated pieces onto her plate of eggs and toast anyway.

“Dream boyfriend,” she winks, and her grin is so wide it should be a physically impossible feat for this early in the morning. He scrunches his nose, miserably failing at hiding just how crimson he’s turning at the sound of her calling him her boyfriend.

It’s still dark outside, but the sunrise is coming closer, and their only company in the greasy diner is a grumpy-looking waitress with big glasses and an older man a few tables away, drinking coffee while reading his newspaper. A magenta iPod - the old kind, not the new flashy phone lookalike version - is connected to a speaker in the corner next to their table, interrupting the 80’s mix soundtrack for a ten-second crackling noise at uneven intervals. Everything about where they are feels like an in-between, a temporary break from reality, and Jake wishes they could stay longer than the twenty minutes the timer on Amy’s phone says they have left. Partly because the pancakes are great, dusted with specks of vanilla powder underneath the bacon, syrup and blueberry jam, waking his body up with every sugar-infused and carbohydrate-filled bite, but mostly because Amy’s being pouring too much creamer in her coffee with the focus of a chemist executing the perfect experiment. She looks radiant to him like this, biting her lip absentmindedly while she mixes the result with a plastic spoon. She didn’t put on any makeup before they left, and the bags under her eyes together with the way she practically inhales the too-bitter, too-much-creamer diner coffee reveals she was also affected by their early wakeup call despite acting a lot more cheerful about it than he did. Her ponytail’s a little messy with a few strands falling out of it and framing her forehead, and he knows she’ll use her pocket mirror to ensure it looks perfect before they leave for the actual transfer, yet he almost wants to tell her to keep it like this. She looks real like this, real and honest and utterly relaxed in his presence, and he thinks it’s the most beautiful she’s ever been but knows he’ll change his mind tomorrow because somehow Amy Santiago only gets more beautiful for every day he gets to be with her.

He needs to learn how to tell her that, too.

“Do you think you’re going to eat the last pancake?” She’s pointing to the final one with her fork, a mischievous tone to her voice.

“You seem awfully confident for someone who just stole all my bacon.”

“You wanted me to!”

“Doesn’t make you any less of a thief,” he winks. 

“I drove here,” she declares, and then she reaches across the table, cuts the last pancake in half and puts one piece on her own plate. He lets her - the look of satisfaction on her face as she bites into it is childishly adorable, making his knees weak, and for a moment he thinks he’s brave enough to say it.

I love you. I love every bit of you, more for every day you’re with me, and I think this might be the most I’ve ever loved anyone and it terrifies me but I’m okay with it because it’s you. You’re everything I never knew I wanted until I fell in love with you and now I don’t know how to live a single day without it, without you, because I feel wrong and like something’s missing when I’m not with you. I love you, and it drives me crazy but I don’t really care, Ames, I don’t care because it’s you and I just love you.

“You’re staring at me”, she remarks, and he’s brought out of his reverie and forced back to the reality where she’s looking at him and he wants to be brave enough to say it but isn't, just yet. He takes the empty sugar packet from his finished coffee instead, crumpling it to a ball and flicking it at her like he’s six years old all over again and she’s another first-grader he has some innocent crush on. She scrunches her forehead and watches his blank expression for a moment before bursting out into laughter, and he tries to control himself, but her laugh is too contagious and soon he’s giggling, too.

“You’re so good-looking you’re worth staring at,” he says, and it’s not I love you but it’s a baby step, something to keep them afloat in the meantime.

There is time, he thinks as her timer goes off and she gives him a peck on the cheek before they grab their stuff and leave for the car. Surely they must have time.

Someday soon, he’ll be brave enough to say it.

[calteahood]

How to Fall in Love {Calum Hood}

Rating: PG 13 (some swearing!)

Word Count: 9k

Author’s Note: Well, here it is! I’ve spent a while creating this and I’ve dealt with quite a bit lately, but it was finally time to post it. I hope you guys enjoy this, and any feedback would mean a lot to me! Enjoy xx

-

It starts with sex.

Sex and stupidity. 

At twenty years old, it's human nature to make stupid mistakes. Except this one would last a lifetime.

Iris read the little pink stick that showed all the signs of positive, even though she knew deep down she was pregnant no matter what the stick said. A period that late wouldn't lie. She was still in community college and working an unpaid internship at a studio closer to downtown LA. Most importantly, she wasn't married nor did she have a stable life. She was in a casual relationship, living in a cheap apartment, taking the bus to work or getting driven by Eddie.

And of course, there was Eddie himself. Iris and Eddie loved each other, that's why they were dating in the first place. But, they weren't in love. No, if they were then they wouldn't be so casual with their relationship. They enjoyed each other's company, worked well as friends in general, and liked loving each other during the nights. They were fine with the labels because they were actually dating, but they knew that someday they would marry other people. Eddie was a good man, graduated from college and even set Iris up with the internship. That's how they met; they both wanted to work in music. Eddie was already working, being 24 years old, almost 25. He was a sweetheart to set up the internship in the first place. Ever since then, they were connected.

Except now, the connection was going to become a lot more real, and neither of them were prepared.

Iris sighed and put the stick into a plastic sandwich bag, shoving it in her purse. She was already late for work. She meant to meet Eddie and her boss, Matt, at 10:30 in the morning, as a band was coming by to start producing their next record. She hadn't been working at the studio long enough to work with them, typically working for solo acts, and at the rate, she was running she would not be able to make a good impression on the band members, or her boss. She messaged Eddie, saying she would be a few minutes late due to an emergency, and got an Uber. Iris was thankful for financial aid; for being able to receive enough for school, rent, bills, groceries, and a bit extra for times like this.

She rushed into the building twenty minutes late, struggling to pull her unbrushed hair into a bun to look at least somewhat presentable. She pressed the elevator button for the seventh floor, preparing in her head what she would say to Eddie. He needed to know right away, and they needed to figure their shit out.

“Eddie, we need to talk— no!” Iris rehearsed. “Hey, I found out something… no, that's stupid. Eddie, I'm pregnant. No, too blunt, fuck—” Ding. Before she knew it, the elevator doors opened and she had to face the music. She would rather not have to face it in front of her boss and four musicians she's never met, but it had to be done and there was no time left.

Iris quickly walked into the studio room, opening the door to Eddie and Matt adjusting the sound, three men on the couches laughing, and the fourth man holding an acoustic guitar behind the glass. All eyes went to her, except for the man in the sound booth.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” Matt teased. “Come and sit, we're just getting started. You can help me out over here.” But Eddie was already walking towards Iris, a look of worry on his face.

“Hey, love,” he quietly said, “are you okay? What was the emergency?”

Iris started to dig in her purse, finding the plastic bag with the stick and gripping it tightly, but not pulling it out yet. She turned to Matt. “I'm sorry I'm late, I had a bit of a medical emergency. Do you mind if I talk to Eddie privately, please? It'll only be a couple of minutes, I swear!”

Matt raised an eyebrow. He had a child of his own, and he remembers how only two years ago his wife was nervous and trying to tell him, “Hey, I'm pregnant!” He knew she was about to tell Eddie something that would change his life. He couldn't tell her no, even if she was late to work. He nodded. “Go ahead, but don't take too long!”

“You got it, boss!” She grabbed Eddie's hand with her free one and pulled him out into the hallway.

Instead of saying anything to her boyfriend, she pulled out the stick and placed it in his palm. Fuck it, might as well just put it all out there. “So, this is mine. The stick, I mean.”

Eddie's face was pale, eyes wide. “You're pregnant?” Iris nodded. “With an actual baby?” Eddie asked. Iris nodded once again, this time with a roll of her eyes.

She sighed. “I'm pregnant, Ed. I don't know what happened, if I missed a pill or the condom broke, but my period is late and I doubt the stick is wrong.”

This time, Eddie was the one nodding. “Well… fuck. What do we do?” he asked.

Iris shrugged, only knowing one option for the time being. “Well, first we need to book an appointment for an ultrasound. Figure out for an absolute fact that there's something growing in me, then we decide from there.”

Eddie was already grabbing his phone out, ready to book you an appointment for whatever doctor she needed. “We'll figure this out, love. We will.” He wrapped his free arm around her, the stick still tightly held in his fist, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I hope we do, Ed. I hope we do.”

•••

“So, you're about four weeks along. There are options, love.”

Iris gripped the steering wheel, offering to drive Eddie's car. She needed a distraction after that appointment, and a phone in her hand wasn't going to cut it. Honestly, she didn't know what she wanted to do. She was pro-choice, but she personally wouldn't terminate the pregnancy, so that was out. There was adoption of course, but Iris always wanted to be a mom, she just pictured it being later on in life. Could she really carry a baby for nine months only to give it away?

“I'm not sure…” Iris mumbled, staring at the road as she drove back to her place. “I think… I think we need to talk about us, Ed.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I… I know, love.”

“I have a question, and please answer honestly. You weren't ever planning on marrying me, right?” There it was, out in the open. She already knew his answer. Hell, it was the same as her own.

He shook his head. “No, I wasn't. I thought this was casual—”

“Well so did I,” Iris cut in.

Eddie sighed. “Calm down, love. There's a way to figure this out. If we break up, there are still options. My parent's co-parented me and I turned out fine! I'll always love you, and if we have this baby then I'm going to love it too, but that doesn't mean we have to be married with a white picket fence outside our house.”

Iris huffed, pulling into the parking lot for her building. As she put the car in park and unbuckled she turned to her boyfriend. “So this is it?”

Eddie chuckled, grabbing onto her hand. “With you? Never. I'm going to be a dad! You're going to be stuck with me forever.”

•••

Iris cursed the world for her morning sickness. Well, more so morning and afternoon and night sickness. She started her day with being bent over the toilet, throwing up. She was almost six weeks along now, and she wished time went by faster. Once again, she was rushing to get to work. It was Friday, thank goodness, and Matt was throwing a party to kick off the weekend and celebrate how the recording session with the band had been going.

Iris was nervous to be working with four, intimidating men, but she quickly found out they were nothing to be afraid of. When she found out 5 Seconds of Summer would be working with their studio her palms immediately got sweaty. They were an award-winning band, all tall and strong musicians. How could she not be sweaty? But, they turned out to be giant dorks and Iris was grateful. Plus, with her and Eddie officially on the “just friends” title (who are going to have a baby, no big deal) and her belly not big yet, she thought this would be the perfect time to flirt with the drummer.

Honestly, watching Ashton that day made her forget about the morning sickness from earlier in the day. His biceps straining the sleeves of his tee shirt, forehead covered in a thin sheet of sweat. He was a beast, and Iris was infatuated with the handsome man.

Until he walked into the party with a girl on his arm.

“He has a girlfriend?” Iris hissed as Eddie, who only laughed. Iris had a water bottle in her hand, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't think about chucking it at him.

Eddie took a sip from his cup. “I could've told you that! Plus, I'm hurt! Moving on that fast, I see?” Eddie then clutched at his heart as if his feelings were truly hurt.

If Iris had a penny for every time she rolled her eyes at the man, she'd have enough to pay for diapers for a whole month. “As if we weren't checking people out while we were together.”

“True. Aren't you lucky we have this baby to keep us bonded for life?”

This time, Iris actually swatted Eddie's chest. “Don't joke about that! Babies are serious.”

He laughed again. “We have time to prepare, Iris. Chill out.”

She was about to make a comment back, but Calum and Michael walked towards them with a smile on their faces. They pulled the two into a hug. “How're you guys doing tonight?” Michael asked.

“Great,” Eddie said, “and yourselves?”

The two musicians wore smiles, probably buzzed and having a fun time. “We’re good, man. Came over and saw that Iris needed a drink,” Calum replied. He bumped his elbow with hers and offered her his extra red cup as if he made the spare drink just to give to her. When he noticed both hers and Eddie’s eyes widen a bit, he took a step back. “What’s wrong? You don’t drink or somethin’?”

Before the awkward mess of a girl could think of a response, not wanting to even say the word pregnant around that many people, Eddie cut in. “She’s my DD for the night.” He threw an arm around her shoulders as she clutched her water bottle.

Calum’s shoulders fell, but he nodded in understanding despite the disappointment. “Alright, well we’ll leave you guys be.” With that, Calum turned and walked out to the backyard, Michael following behind him. “I thought they broke up? Or stopped hooking up, whatever it was?” Calum blabbered on while Michael took a sip of his drink, his gaze stopping at the pool where his girl was talking to her friends.

“You know,” Michael started, “they could just be close friends? You heard them tell Matt they weren’t dating anymore, had some stuff goin’ on. Doesn’t mean it was a bad breakup.”

“But his arm was—”

“Dude, we hug and hold each other’s girlfriends all the time! It doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with Ashton’s woman. They’re friends, that’s very clear. Just go up and talk to her, I’m sure she’d be interested in talking to you.”

Calum finished what was in his own cup before beginning to drink from the extra one he had made. “You’re right, Mike. I’ll talk to her.”

Michael patted him on the shoulder. “Good, and now if you’ll excuse me...” With that, he walked over to the pool, slinging his arm around his fiancee.

Calum looked down at his full cup, and with an annoyed sigh, he tossed it and his empty one away. His gaze stayed on Iris, watching as she spoke to one of the interns from the floor under hers at work. Calum couldn’t help but watch, really. He had thought Iris was drop dead gorgeous the moment she rushed into the studio just weeks ago. Finding out she was single was the best news he had heard all week. No offense to Eddie, but Calum wanted so desperately to invite Iris over for dinner and a movie or two on the couch before, hopefully, moving towards the bedroom. The party was supposed to be his shot; ask Iris out and show the pretty girl a good time! He just was not expecting to see Iris and Eddie so close, and it stung a bit.

He watched when Eddie finally disappeared from her side and he said fuck it. If he was going to ask her out, might as well do it now. The worst that could happen is she says no. He left the conversation with his roommate and Luke to make his way to Iris, who was grabbing more water from the kitchen. As he approached closer, he saw her bend over to grab a bottle from the bottom of the fridge, eyes almost glued to the curve of her ass. She stood back up, closing the door and turning to face the bassist.

“Fuck!” Iris gasped, hand moving to her chest, feeling her heart race. “You scared me!”

Calum chuckled, but his palms were sweaty due to nerves. I’m going to scare her off before I even have a chance. “Shit, I’m sorry. Just wanted to come and say hi.”

As her breathing settled, she let out a laugh. “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to be there. But, hi! Shit, I mean, what’s up?” Iris stumbled with her words, feeling her stomach begin to bubble. Her throat burned for a moment, but she tried to ignore the feeling she’d gotten used to over the weeks.

“Well, I just wanted to see if…” Calum cut off his sentence, seeing Iris’s face scrunch up in disgust as one hand held her stomach and the other covered her mouth.

“Fuck, sorry, excuse me!” Iris mumbled through her fingers before pushing past him and fast walking to the closest open restroom. She kicked the door closed, trying as fast as possible to kneel over the toilet. She used one hand to brace herself over the toilet seat and the other to hold her hair back.

She faintly heard the sound of the door opening. Then she felt warm hands wrap around her hair. She would have been scared shitless if it wasn’t for the faint voice telling her, “Woah woah, you’re okay.” As awkward as it was that Calum Hood, the man she didn’t know well, came to her rescue, she did not push him away as she continued throwing up.

Twenty minutes later she was swishing around mouth wash that she found in the cabinets and Calum was making sure the toilet seat was clean. Iris leaned down and spat out the mouth wash. “Thank you, Calum,” she whispered, her body still shaking from how sick she felt just minutes ago.

Calum shook his head. “Don’t mention it. As long as you’re feeling better.” He moved to the sink in order to wash his hands and Iris made room for him.

Finally looking up to see him, she groaned. He was handsome. Really handsome. But she was also really, definitely pregnant and she couldn’t get through talking to him without getting sick. She needed to come to terms with the fact that the party scene, chatting with beautiful men and having hookups could no longer be her world. “I am… I should probably get going.” She pulled out her phone, opening her Uber app.

Calum cocked an eyebrow, drying his hands off on his pants and turning to her. “I thought you were Eddie’s driver?” His head was spinning instantly. Was he lied to because Eddie didn’t want anyone talking to her? Or, did Eddie make that up because Iris was uncomfortable next to the bassist? Before he could say anything else, Iris spoke up, gaze still on her phone.

“He’s just got shit runnin’ out of his mouth. I don’t even have a car.”

Calum’s head snapped up from her phone to her face. “What?”

She looked at him, sighing. “He just didn’t want me drinking, that’s all.”

“Are you sick? Or—”

Iris confirmed her Uber, which said it would be there in ten minutes. “No,” she said. “I just… look, can I trust you?” Her question took him by surprise, but he nodded. “I’m serious, if Matt finds out I might lose my internship.” Again, he nodded. “I… so, you know Matt and I broke up, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said quickly.

“Well, we weren’t really in love, but we have this problem and… and he’s just being a protective friend.” Iris held her belly, fearing that telling someone would make her feel sick again. The only ones who knew were her parents and Eddie’s. Was it weird to tell Calum? Then again, he did help hold her hair back as she was throwing up. He’s obviously a good guy. “I’m… pregnant.”

His eyes widened. He coughed a bit, stammering, “Wow, that’s um… a lot.”

And Iris looked at his bulging eyes, and she giggled. What a boy, she thought. She smirked, “Yeah, it’s kinda a lot. Still want to chat me up after hearing that?”

If his eyes weren’t already open wide at her first statement, they’d grow in a heartbeat. “How’d you know?”

She laughed. “You wouldn’t just hold my hair back if you don’t care about me to an extent.”

He shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “Fair point. Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t realize.”

“No no no,” she rushed to say, “you’re fine! I’m not showing or anything, you didn’t know. It’s okay. Plus, you came in here to help even though I was puking my guts out. I think I’m not ready to hook up or have any dates, I mean obviously the baby didn’t like me talking to someone,” she teased, and they both chuckled. “But,” she continued, “I appreciate the kindness, and just so you know, if I was able to drink I would’ve taken that extra cup from you.”

Calum smirked, feeling like maybe he was getting somewhere. A sudden burst of confidence ran through the man. “Well, will you take my number instead?” Iris gave him a look, but a smile was on her lips. “Not so I can try to get at you,” he confirmed was a laugh. “Just in case you need a friend again.”

Iris’s phone buzzed in her pocket, signaling to her that her Uber was here. She pulled out her phone, handing it over to Calum so he could type in his number. He sent himself a message, ensuring the text went through, and he gave her phone back.

“I'll text you, Calum. Thank you again for helping me out tonight.” And with that, she left the restroom.

Calum and Iris began to talk a lot more, making conversation during recording sessions and texting frequently. Calum would send pictures of his dog, and in return, he’d get “baby bump” photos, even though Iris was hardly able to show yet. The grew close, and Calum was thankful. He met her, thinking she was a hot young girl who would be fun to hang out with and even more fun to have sex with. But, the universe has a funny way of showing him what’s more important because after that night at the party she wasn’t just a girl he wanted to hook up with. She was a smart, strong, beautiful woman who had the world on her shoulders. She was so much more than what he thought she would be, and Calum was proud to call her a friend.

That’s what Iris needed, too. A friend. She was expecting to end the party on Ashton’s arm, but instead, she got Calum’s hands holding her hair back and his number in her phone. She was happy to have him as a close friend, especially with how crazy life can turn out to be. She wasn’t expecting him to be her rock, but sometimes people don’t get what they want.

•••

When falling in love, there is heartbreak and pain. It's a given. Though, typically it's those who are in a relationship that feel the pain. Instead, it was Calum and Iris.

He wasn't expecting to be the first person she'd call in a moment like that. He'd be lying if he said she'd be his first phone call. He had to push his feelings aside and just be a friend, a supportive one during her pregnancy. With his crush on her now faded away, he would easily call Ashton, Luke, or Michael. If his sister wasn't in a different country, he'd call her too.

But Iris didn't have many other friends. She went to school and worked, and then when the semester ended she worked and slept. She stopped going out, and no one messaged her to invite her to places anymore. She only had Eddie, Matt, and the boys in the band. That is, until she didn't.

He got the call at two in the morning. The cell phone woke Duke up first, and he let out a few small barks. After a few rings, Calum finally picked up his phone, and seeing that the caller ID said 'Iris Miller's he answered quickly. He was expecting her excited voice, begging him to pick her up for some late night In N Out, even though she claimed she didn't like the place. Maybe she needed someone to go with her to an appointment the next day due to Eddie canceling on her. Her twelve-week appointment was coming up, and she was excited that she was finally going to be ready to share her pregnancy news with everybody. Maybe, just maybe, she called him because she was so excited and needed to share her excitement.

What Calum wasn't expecting when he answered was Iris hyperventilating, struggling to get the words out. “Eddie's dead.”

And he froze. What was happening? What was going on?

He finally managed to get out a couple words, hearing Iris's heartbreak on the other line. “Iris, what's going on? Breathe, in and out, in and out, and tell me what happened.”

Her hands were shaking as she sat on the hospital floor, her back against the hallway wall. She stuttered her words, her mind unable to wrap about what had happened only an hour ago. “He— he went out— I don't know if it was a date or hanging out with friends, I don't know! And he walked into the gas station by his apartment, Cal, fuck— he was so close to home and…” Iris inhaled deeply, feeling like she was going to throw up.

As soon as she began to speak, though, Calum sprang out of bed. He pulled on sweats and a hoodie, slipping his feet into Vans and lacing them up as fast as he could while the held the phone between his shoulder and his cheek. He couldn't process her first sentence, “Eddie's dead.” All he knew is that Iris was panicking; she needed a friend, and Calum assured her that he could be that friend for her.

Eddie's parents and step-parents were down the hall, crying, speaking to doctors, making phone calls of their own, and mourning the loss of their only son. His sisters were on their way from their own homes, one living an hour away and the other living in LA, closer to the beach. But Iris had no one as she curled herself up on the floor. She called her parents, but they were a three-hour drive away and were fast asleep, unable to answer their phones.

She took deep breaths once again, trying to calm her breathing while her shaking hands only got more unsteady. “He walked into the gas station, Cal, and there were only two people; the man at the register and another man, holding a gun, Cal. He walked into a robbery, Cal, a fucking robbery! And he should have tried to back out slowly, but he grabbed his phone instead! He called the police and all they heard when they picked up was a fucking gunshot! He was dead by the time I got here, I— I didn't even get to say goodbye, Cal! He's gone and I have his baby and he's fucking gone.”

Calum slipped into his car, leaving Duke to stay at home with his roommate. The number of times she said his name, it's as if she was trying to stay grounding, remind herself that he's there with her.

“Iris, hey,” he said softly, starting his car. “Tell me where you are and I'll be there, okay? Just breathe for me, and I'm on my way.”

She nodded to herself. He's there, he's coming to help. “Okay, yeah. I’m at the hospital, I'll send you the address if you need it. I'll tell you where I'm at when you get here. Just… don't hang up, please,” Iris begged, her voice so low, so quiet. Calum had never heard her so defeated before within the few months they'd been friends.

True to his word, he stayed on the line until he got there, helping her keep her breathing steady. When he finally made it to the hospital he jogged inside and tried his best to get to the floor she was on as swiftly as possible.

Calum found her against the wall, two people that looked just like the man who passed at the other end of the hall. They looked at each other and Calum immediately sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms. Together they sobbed, reality hitting Calum like a train. Eddie, who'd been a friend of his since recording began, was gone too soon. But what hurt more was that he left behind a child, and Calum was at a loss on how to pick up the pieces.

•••

Iris's pregnancy was supposed to be a wonderful time where her and Eddie prepared to bring a baby into the world and give them a sea of opportunities. Instead, she was alone. She didn't have a pregnancy glow and didn't post pictures of her sonogram photos to let the world know she was expecting. She wasn't loving pregnancy like she was supposed to; no, she wasn't loving anything at all.

Eddie’s death made her feel like she was in purgatory. Due to being pregnant, she had to keep on going for the baby's sake. Though, she was just going through the motions. She felt like a part of her was missing, which to an extent was true. The baby was part him, and the baby was now fatherless.

Her heart was conflicted. She wasn't in love with Eddie, but he was a good and sweet man who was gone too soon. Gone before he could meet his own child. It was unfair, and it made Iris feel numb. She got to the point where she wouldn't want to think of the baby. She was supposed to find out the gender of the baby over the upcoming week, but she made no appointments and showed no interest within the baby. She was no longer living, she was merely existing.

News of her pregnancy spread after the funeral, and she was thankful it was never brought up during the service. Calum told the boys and the people at the studio that Iris was expecting, knowing all too well that she would make no move to speak of it. Michael was too upset by the recent events to crack a joke or two about the pregnancy considering Calum's former crush. Ashton was silent more often than not. They took time away from the studio. But Calum tried to visit Iris, considering they would not be seeing each other at work. It was weird; Calum didn't see them as too close, and then all of a sudden she relied on him and he vowed to be her crutch. He loved it, really, but he was worried about what was to come as the pregnancy furthered. He worried about her health and the baby's health, because Iris wasn’t taking care of herself after the passing. He also worried because she was going through her pregnancy without the father, and the baby would have to suffer that within a few months. He never wanted that to happen, not to Iris or her child.

Calum watched as Iris hid herself from the world. He knew for damn sure she wasn't taking care of herself. Her mother was worried about her, and she all but begged her to come back home and live with them during their latest phone conversation. But Iris clung onto Calum tighter. He didn't know why he was the one she attached herself to after the accident, but he would never turn her away. He was just worried.

Eventually, the guys would be going on a small promotional tour, and he feared leaving her in California. The boys understood, to a fault. They knew Calum wouldn't love her like a boyfriend would, and desperately hoped he wouldn't revisit his crush for her considering the fact that she was carrying a baby and a lot of emotional baggage, two things the boys did not want Calum to take on. Though, they also became her friends throughout the recording process, and then even more as she spent time with Calum. They knew that Iris somewhat attached herself to him long before she lost Eddie. Ashton figured she hadn't had someone around to be a friend for a while, and when Calum presented himself as a good option at the party, she slowly but surely hung on to the man.

Calum was stressed, thinking that while he was gone maybe she wouldn't take care of herself, or her baby. He felt like he already had to force her to watch over her body and the new life growing inside it half the time. He honestly could not recall the last time she even mentioned the word, “baby.”

Finally, it was time for her 20-week appointment; an appointment she wasn't even planning on attending. She cried in the shower, thinking about how today was supposed to be the day they would find out if they were having a bouncing baby boy or a gorgeous little girl. Only now, there was no they, only Iris was left. Or so, she thought, until she opened the door to leave her place and catch the bus to the appointment. There stood Calum, his face covered with a hat and sunglasses, and a light jacket she hadn't seen before thrown over his shirt. He was covering himself, trying to go unnoticed if he was going to be seen with a pregnant woman. That wouldn't be good to see all over Twitter later on.

“Cal… what are you doing here?” Iris questioned.

He shot her a soft smile. “I know you didn't want to go today, thought I might as well go with, be your moral support.” He offered his arm out to her, and she slowly took it, the other hand closing and locking her door before moving to rest on her little belly. Well, little for now. The baby was growing more and more each day, she didn't think of her middle area as small anymore.

“Thank you, it means a lot.”

He shrugged, trying to play it cool, but he knew this was a big deal for her. It was his goal to get her out of her rut, and hopefully seeing the baby would help that. Eddie may be gone, but he left her the greatest gift he could, and she wouldn't have to do anything alone as long as Calum could help.

They made it to the appointment, having enough time to stop by Starbucks and get a drink considering Calum drove. Iris hated having to plan her schedule by bus routes, and he knew that. They waited for ten minutes before getting called back. Calum was in awe as he watched Iris lift up her shirt so her doctor could smooth the jelly onto her stomach. It was the first time he'd seen her belly close up, and it hit him. She's going to have a baby in her arms in twenty weeks, and their dynamic would change. It frightened Calum, but he knew that's when she'd need him most.

“So,” the doctor began, “are we here for just a check-up or did you want to find out the gender too?” She smiled at Iris and Calum.

Iris bit her lip. “Umm… I don't know.” She looked to Calum, who was standing by the corner. He nodded, wanting her to figure out. Pleading with her to humanize this baby.

She thought for a second, before saying, “Just a check-up, but could you write it down on a little card and give it to him?” Iris motioned to the man who accompanied her. He looked confused, but sighed and let her continue on anyway.

The doctor nodded and continued the appointment. The doctor pointed out the little one's fingers and toes, took measurements to record the growth, and ran a couple tests to ensure the organs were fine. She told Iris to eat a bit more, making sure the baby gets big and healthy, but other than that everything checked out.

At the end of the appointment, the doctor wrote down the gender on a slip of paper, folding it and handing it over to Calum, without saying a word. The doctor was aware of how off Iris had been lately, so what she wanted she will get. She deserved it after all she lost. He slipped the paper into his pocket, vowing to himself to check it later when he's alone. When they got back to the car, Cal offered to buy them lunch, and Iris didn't oppose.

“Hey Cal?” He turned to her, viewing her from behind his sunglasses.

“Yeah?”

She looked down at her hands on her belly before gazing back at him, a soft smile playing on her lips. Something he rarely saw. “Thank you for taking me today. And thank you for taking the paper. I'm not ready to find out the gender… yet. But knowing that you'll know gives me comfort.” A blush rose to her cheeks.

He chuckled, placing a hand on her thigh and rubbing a bit. “Whatever you need me to do to make you comfortable, I'll do it. No worries.”

And for the first time in eight weeks, she didn't worry. She ate a good portion for lunch, took her vitamins like she was supposed to, and ended the night cuddled next to Calum and Duke on the couch at his place. It eased her mind knowing that Calum would do whatever it took to make her happy, especially considering the father of the baby wasn't here anymore. Iris and the baby would be without Eddie, but maybe they wouldn't be alone.

•••

“You okay, Cal?” Luke's voice snapped Calum out of his trance, blinking a few times before turning away from the window to look at his curly best friend.

He nodded. “Yeah, why are you asking?”

“You seem a bit off, that's all.”

Calum knew he was acting weird. They left for their promotional tour that morning and he didn't know when he would be back in California. It could've been a couple weeks, or it could've been at least a month. “Just… worried, really.”

Luke nodded, understanding. “Worried about Iris?”

“Yeah,” Calum confirmed. “I want her to take care of herself. She seems to do better when I'm there, and I don't want anything to happen to the baby.”

“You know…” Luke debated on what he was going to say. “I know you love her, we all do, and we want her to be okay, but it's not your baby. Some things she has to do on her own.”

Calum turned his body to his friend, now fully facing the tall man. “What do you mean by that?”

Luke huffed but tried to hide it. “You aren't the baby's father… when that baby is born you don't need to—”

“Let me stop you there,” interrupted Calum, “I'm not trying to be the baby's dad. I'm trying to be Iris's friend because in case you didn't remember, the only close friend she had before me fuckin’ died and now she's left alone to raise her first kid. If I can help Iris out with her needs than I will, but I'm not going to let that get in the way of the band. They can be to separate things, ya know? And that's what friends do, they help. For fucks sake, all I want is for that little girl to be okay, doesn't mean I'm trying to be her dad.” With a grunt, he turned back to face the window, watching the clouds pass by.

Luke was trying to think of a way to respond, and possibly apologize for his poor choice of words, when he stopped in his tracks. “Wait, did you say it's a girl?”

Calum quickly turned to Luke, his eyes widening. No one was supposed to know, not yet. New until the birth. Jesus, even Iris didn't know, and she's the one carrying the kid.

He stumbled on his words before saying, “Fuck— just forget about it, alright? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go use the restroom and worry in peace.” With that, he stood and squeezed between Luke and the seat in front of them before walking to the airplane's bathroom.

Michael slowly turned around, looking at Luke between the chairs. “Smooth, Lucas,” he teased.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Whatever, it was either going to be me or Ashton who said it, and I know from my own personal shit that Ashton is way more blunt than me. That could've been a lot worse.”

“If you say so, Hemmings. Anyway, considering we know it's a girl now, what should I get Iris for her baby shower?”

•••

Iris survived the few weeks without Calum, befriending the girlfriends of his bandmates and trying to get closer to the ladies she worked with. Matt offered her a position at the studio, knowing she could use the job during the time being. Though she wasn't qualified yet to work with the equipment by herself yet, she'd do just fine as an assistant to Matt.

She made an effort to put herself out there, knowing she couldn't rely on Calum being her only close friend when he was constantly touring. That meant she had to grow closer to the ladies at the studio, and befriending the girlfriends was a plus. Matt was helpful, and he had a family of his own, so he and his wife helped Iris pick out the crib and other products she needed.

She even wanted to have a gender reveal and a baby shower. She thought about inviting her family down to LA and having a celebration. She finally felt happy to become a mother, even if Eddie was gone. The only issue with celebrating was that Iris was trying to put in as many hours as possible with her new position as an assistant before going on maternity leave, ensuring she'd have enough money to support her and her baby before she went back on the job months later. This meant she worked until she was a bit past seven months. She had plans of setting up some sort of baby shower now that she was on maternity leave, but she needed to rest for a second.

She was at Calum's house, almost eight months pregnant when she felt the craving. She wanted something cheap, fast food would do. Duke was resting on her lap, having grown protective of the mom-to-be and the little one in her belly. “Cal,” she called out. Moments later he stuck his head into the living room; he had been in the bedroom putting away clothes.

“What's up?” he questioned.

She jutted her bottom lip out, ready to pout to get her way. “Can I borrow your car? I'm hungry.” It wasn't uncommon that she'd borrow the car for fifteen minutes, driving it to the nearby store or fast food places, bringing back enough food for both of them. Sometimes Calum would take her, and sometimes he'd go by himself to get her the meal she was craving, but right now he was busy with chores and wanted to finish cleaning up around the place.

He smiled and nodded, motioning to the coffee table. “My keys are in the bowl right there. What're you gonna get?”

She shrugged, pushing herself up off the couch and grabbing his keys. “I think maybe Taco Bell. It's such bad food but it's what this baby needs right now.”

Calum laughed at this, shaking his head at the woman. “Alright, well get a twelve pack of tacos and hurry back, I'm hungry too! Be safe!” With that, he went back to his chores.

Iris hopped into his car, adjusting the seat to fit her round tummy. She took off, heading towards the Taco Bell that was no more than seven minutes away. She thought about how soon she'd be having her baby, and she worried that she wasn't ready. She'd done a couple classes, set up an almost finished nursery in her guest room, and bought enough neutral toned onesies for the kid (and a few dinosaur ones, an adorable fluffy pink tutu, and a couple overalls that look like they would fit dolls). Maybe it was time she found out the gender. Invite over the co-workers, the bandmates, their girls, and her parents. Have a small gender reveal and baby shower all in one. Or maybe, she'd just ask Calum. He was the only one who knew, and he'd tell her in a heartbeat. He was good about doing what she asked; if she needed anything from him, he was there, and she didn't know why. She didn't know what was so special about her that made him stick around, especially considering her hectic life. But no matter all the times he could have left, he didn't. And it only drew her in more. She was thankful that he tried hitting on her all those months ago, and part of her wishes that they did get to be flirty and hook up that night. Then, the morning after they could have talked for hours about their lives before planning another date. Then another, and another. He gave her a love that Eddie didn't, despite the fact that Eddie was actually her boyfriend. It felt different with Calum.

Though, Iris had to remember what Ashton told her the last time they had a get-together. “Cal can't become a dad yet.” When the baby comes, Iris knew she would have to distance herself. The boys were right, the baby would not be his problem or responsibility. It was purely hers. She knew that the boys were not trying to be harsh. They were her friends, they loved her and she loved them. Calum isn't dating Iris, and he had told the boys time and time again that he was not interested in dating her. The boys thought that Calum would need to put himself first, then the band next, and if he was taking care of that baby then what would happen to the band? Iris wouldn't want to get in the way. But for now, she was enjoying her lazy days with him, hanging out in his living room and coming together with his — now their — friends for movie and pizza nights.

Iris was making a left turn, getting close to the plaza area with the small food joints, when she heard a honk. It pulled her out of her thoughts, instantly crowding her mind with a new fear. The second slowed down, almost freezing, as she looked to her right to see a car entering the intersection, running the red light that was above them.

It was 5pm when he got the call. Her emergency contacts were made aware of what happened, but she begged the paramedics to also call Cal.

Iris was hit in the intersection, spinning out and damaging Calum's car beyond repair. When the ambulance arrived they immediately decided to rush her to the emergency room, noticing her belly and they knew of the damage that could have been done to the baby. She was awake but in pain. Both mentally and physically, worrying about the ache in her midsection, afraid that this one little accident could have taken the life of her child.

Calum was rushing more than he had when Eddie passed. He had to run to Ashton's house to get a ride to the hospital, Ash offering to take him. He thought of the possibility of losing Iris, and he honestly wanted to cry. She had become a staple in his life over the time they'd known each other, and he didn't want to lose her yet. It hit his heart in a way no loss had ever had before, and he quickly became well aware that he had to face those feelings as soon as he knew she was okay.

When the boys made it to the hospital he saw the commotion of wheeling Iris to some sort of surgery room, and Calum panicked. He rushed over, and she noticed him, telling the paramedics this was the man she called.

He looked at her body, which had been hastily dressed in a hospital gown, and feared the worst. The baby.

“Cal, they're doing a C section,” Iris told him as he tried to keep up with the wheels of the bed she was being pushed on. Her voice was smaller than ever, breathy and trembling.

“What's wrong? Is everything okay? Are you—” He wanted to fucking scream.

She shook her head, tears falling onto her cheeks. “I don't know, I don't know what's going to happen,” she cried. He grasped her hand and squeezed. “Cal, if anything does happen, if I lose them, I just—”

“Her.”

Iris gave him a confused look.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. Ashton watched from the end of the hallway. “It's a girl, Iris. You're going to have a beautiful baby girl and she's going to make it. She's going to be strong, just like her momma, okay? She's going to make it.”

The tears feel more. “I trust you, Cal.” Those were the last words she could get out before being rushed into a different room, a nurse keeping Calum out. He wanted to punch a wall, he was so anxious. He felt a hand grasping shoulder, turning to see Ashton. Without a word Ashton pulled him into a hug, holding him tight and securely. The doctors would protect Iris and that little girl, and Ashton would protect his friend.

•••

Four hours later, Iris was holding a tiny girl in her arms. Her parents, who came as fast as they could, met the baby along with Eddie’s two sets of parents, and they took turns going in the room to see her as Calum waited. Iris had a couple broken bones, and bruises littered her body, but the baby was okay. Born about a month early, but she was alive and, for the most part, healthy.

The boys and their girlfriends had all joined Calum, waiting until they were given the clear to see her.

“I get it now,” Michael had told him during the wait, none of them at the time knowing if Iris or the baby would be alright. “It's easy to tell you to not get attached when she's fine. But now we don't know if they'll be okay, and it hurts.”

Luke reached out to hold onto Calum's arm. “I'm sorry for saying you shouldn't prioritize her. We all are.”

“The way you were there for her today… I know you love her, Cal. We shouldn't get in the way of that,” added Ashton.

Calum sighed, looking up from his shaking hands. “I tried so hard to not grow feelings for her, to just be a friend, because that's what she needed. But today just showed that I don't know what I would do if I lost her, or that baby. I don't know how to do this whole ‘love’ thing, especially not with a kid, and it scares the living fuck out of me, but…”

“You love her, and that baby. And that's okay. Sometimes life hits you when you least expect it. But we're going to support you, and we're going to love that little baby too, even when things get rough,” Luke told him, the rest of the group agreeing.

Eventually, everybody had to leave, considering visiting hours had ended. Iris's mom told Calum he could stay, and after hours of waiting, all the parents left the room, allowing Calum to go and see her.

He opened the door slowly, and a tired Iris greeted him with a smile on her lips. “Hey,” she whispered.

He smiled back, his attention turning to the baby in the clear crib next to her bed. “How is she?” Calum asked, his voice soft despite his worry.

She hummed, thanking God for the baby beside her. “She's beautiful, Cal. Here, come see.” She set up, scooting over on the hospital bed to allow him to sit beside her. She gently scooped up the little baby into her arms, the girl naturally clinging to her mother.

She was tiny, so very small. Her chart read she was 5 pounds and 1 ounce. The beanie on top of her head looked huge on her, and the blanket she was wrapped in practically swallowed her. But she was safe, healthy and here.

Calum reached a finger out to caress her rosy pink cheek, her skin still bits of pink and purple. Eventually, her skin would turn into a tan, matching her mother's and Eddie's. Her eyes were big and brown, but she was too tired to open her eyes and show Calum. Iris knew the baby would inherit her brown eyes, which she inherited from her dad, but a bit of her hoped she'd get Eddie's blue color, which always stood out against warm skin. But, she did have his nose and a dimple on her cheek, and Iris was okay with her being a beautiful mix of both her parents instead of being a carbon copy of her late father.

“She's gorgeous,” he mumbled. She let out a little whine every now and then, but she did cry, even when she was placed into Calum's large arms. “I'm so happy she's okay,” he admitted to Iris, relief taking over.

“She's my little miracle baby. I couldn't be more thankful.”

Calum turned to her. “I'm happy you're okay too. I don't know what I would've done if I lost you.”

She blushed, avoiding eye contact. “Thank you, Cal. For everything. I know it's been a long few months.”

“It's been my pleasure.” He held the little girl to his chest, keeping her warm. “Have you decided on a name yet?” He stroked her cheek again, loving the little coos she let out.

Iris watched Calum hold her girl, her heart pounding in her chest. She never pictured herself becoming a mother so young, and she couldn't believe she spent the first half of her pregnancy so mad at the world, because she fell in love so easily with the tiny child her best friend was holding. There was no warning for how deeply she fell for her baby, and she knew no love would be greater. And then, there was Calum. His love was much more complex. Though, he was there showing her how to fall in love with him every step of the way. She learned from him that falling in love could happen through helping one another out, and being a friend before all else.

She shrugged and looked down at her face. “Rose, I think.”

“Why Rose?” Calum asked out of curiosity.

“Because, her cheeks are so rosy, and it'll remind me that despite all the shit that happened, I got a healthy, beautiful, blushing baby out of it.”

Calum chuckled. “It's beautiful. Cheesy, but beautiful.”

She lightly swatted his arm, giggling brightly. “Well, roses were also Eddie's favorite flower, but I thought that would be even cheesier.”

He shook his head. “Not cheesy at all, I'm just teasing you. Any thoughts on a middle name?”

She shrugged. “I'm not sure. I was thinking… maybe you could pick it?”

Calum was shocked but honored nonetheless. “Me? You sure?” She nodded. “I think… Anahera. It means ‘angel’ in Māori. I remember my mom always called my sister that when we were little. Plus, this little one is an angel, and she’s got an amazing guardian angel watching over her.”

Iris smiled wide. “I love it, Calum. It's perfect.”

“So is she,” he whispered. Iris cuddled into his arm, watching the man she loved hold Rosie Anahera.

Falling in love was not something she was looking for at the beginning of the year. Now, come months later, she was head over heels for the man who tried hitting on her at a party, mother to the most beautiful little girl, and had her best friend as a guardian angel to watch over the mother-daughter duo. The two sat together in mutual understanding that hey, maybe they did love each other. One thing was certain, and that was that they each fell in love with Rosie, and they were ready to show her a love like no other.

So maybe falling in love for Iris began with a little slip-up, resulting in a journey of a pregnancy, but it ended with her and Calum holding what would become their little girl. And she couldn't be happier.

-

Taglist: @flannelpunkcalum @gigglyirwin-main @gigglyirwin @astrosashton @softforcal @singt0mecalum @youngblood199456 @gothliath @bitterbethany @cunnillucas @justacrush @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles @heartachecth @glitterprincelu @hereforlukescruff @irwinkitten @converse-luke @c-sainthood

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 27

Last time: Awful ‘finale’ moments happened, the EEC count finally updated, and iTunes decided to be a jerk and leave me with an incomplete show in my videos tab for eternity. Onwards!

And we’re back, with Season Two/the next cour/however this crazy show is split up! We left off with some very annoying threads dangling (Ed/Ling/Envy crossing realities, Al and Greed about to meet The Big Bad, ect.), so let’s get to it! ...this is not the unresolved issues being resolved, this is a happy-go-lucky peasant bonfire. What does this have to do wit- BEARD! The Beard has been sighted, lurking on the fringes of the festivities. Is this where Papa Elric’s been hanging out after walking out (again) on his son all those episodes ago? What does he even do to pay the bills? (Besides being the ‘secret’ bad guy, I mean). GOOD, be sad and lonely as you sit over there, instead of being an actual father and oh my Leto who is this lady? Are you actually hooking up with someone else instead of taking care of… your… Pinako? I know that name… NO. PLEASE NO. AAAARGH IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT WE’RE STUCK IN A FLASHBACK EPISODE BUT NOW BEARD IS GETTING PROPOSITIONED FOR DRINKS BY GRANNY ROCKBELL WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG AND HE’S SMILING NO NO NO DO NOT DO THIS TO MY SHIP LETO SAVE ME

*ahem* I apologize for that. Let’s move on. New intro! A metallic arm reaching up from a field of white flowers, funky guitar music as the title comes up and we see it’s Ed lying on his back looking sad before Angry!Ed comes back and he beats up a poor flower and gets back up. Now he’s facing Titan!Envy, Gluttony, big dude who I guess is Sloth, Wrath… wait, what? Why is… *gets up, pulls off and throws down headphones, rushes to Tephi’s room* “Tephi?! Why is Ling wearing black? Why is Ling standing next to the goths?!” “*shrug* You should keep watching and find out.” AAAAAAAHHHHH. Ed looks about as pissed as I am right now, rushes forward before getting the crap beaten out of him. Roy in a white coat? Another flashback to the Ishvalan Civil War? Now FIRE EVERYWHERE as someone stands above the ashes oh hey Mister Smiley, I remember you from when you murdered the family of the guy who’s Determinedly Frowning onscreen now, I sure hope he comes across you someday! Roy looks into a fire then camera pans to stand next to Hughes (whyyyy), having a staring contest with Bradley. Back to Titan!Envy as he gets a visit from Dentist!Al, a TC making a Philosopher’s Stone that’s eaten by some smug dude in a white suit and fedora (It’s after Labor Day, dude. Get with the program.) More flashes of the now-defunct-Conspiracy in their white Civil War outfits looking sad INCLUDING MUSTACHELESS THE MIGHTY ARMSTRONG CRYING HOW DARE YOU SIR and a flash of yup I got a glimpse of Father not being in shadow at this point, that is clearly Beard without his glasses. Joy. And then they drive the point home with an eye zoom that turns to Glasses!Beard looking at a picture (hmmm, I wonder what picture it is? /[sarcasm]) at a campfire. Now dude with gun arm, sunglasses guy, giant tank and HELLO who is this lady? She just waved her sword and lo, there was an explosion thanks to her tank. New Badass Lady character? Ok, she’s standing at the head of the two guys who just showed up and a bunch of other dudes in fur-collared coats. Oh, hold up! Way back when Ed was talking about the neighbors of Amestris, how up north across the mountains there was a place with a shaky non-aggression treaty with them. Please tell me our boys get their own army.

Now lots of screaming people and a poor horse getting eaten by Gluttony, Ed staring down the Gate of Truth, that terrible scene of him getting pulled away from his brother in the in-between place, Al fighting and getting grabbed by white hands, Ed snapping out of his daydream back in the field and again going to smash the ground… but pausing at the last second to spare the little white flower. Alright, a good intro! Plenty of interesting moments, I’ve got high hopes for this next stretch of episodes. Episode 27 - “Interlude Party” We’ve got the happy-go-lucky plucky string music playing as peasant couples dance around the bonfire and Pinako drinks with Beard in the shadows, making me cry at the terrible terrible implications for my poor ship and saying it’s nice to let loose every now and then. Beard just drinks in silence like the socially-awkward absentee father he is, so Pinako rambles about finding happiness whenever you can, especially in a war-hungry country like Amestris. Just take Ishval, for example... [Lust(?)]: “And no matter how many times it happens they never learn. The human race is made up of violent, miserable fools.” RIOT TIME! Hold on, isn’t this the town that the Goth’s drove crazy after Father Cornello turned out to be a false priest? Ok, now it’s Ishval with the cannons going off and the Blue Eyes marching in. Some dude’s remarking Ishval and Liore have been crazy lately oh hi Hughes! Hmm, looks like flashbacks to all the mentions of Amestris’ conflicts, Ed talking about skirmishes with “Aerugo to the south and Creta to the west” and there it is, the northern country of Drachma! Come on, hurry up and get moving north you kids, I wanna see more of our new Intro characters! Back to the bonfire, a little girl has run up and asked Beard to dance with her. Aw! But he says he’ll just sit there, Pinako needles him about being old until the little girl gives up on the lost cause. [Pinako]: “That girl, so bossy. Weren’t your two boys around her age? When they started planning to bring back their mom?” Wait, what? But- Hold up, I remember this scene of the boys sitting at the grave, didn’t they follow Little!Winry back home for supper right after that? I definitely remember the argument between Ed and Granny Rockbell over supper, and she was just a little bit older then. What’s going on here? Wow. You’re just gonna go “Nah, no point in trying to talk to the boys about committing the Ultimate Taboo to try and bring back their dead mom and my dead wife. More booze, please!”. Father of the Year, everyone! Yup, we are definitely in a recap episode now, presumably this came after a good gap between this and the last cour to remind everyone of all the happy, cheerful times this show has given us! Like Dismembered!Ed crying out over the loss of his younger brother, witnessing the brief existence of the Thing in the TC, and sacrificing his arm to make Al into Soul Armor. Scenes of the Elric Brothers seeking the Stone, discovering the damning secret ingredient for the Stone… the bonfire collapses and the music gets melancholy as Beard looks on. Uh, something’s up with the shadows… “It’s remarkable how weak they are.” Aha, fabricated memory or somesuch! I knew the timing was off with Pinako’s age, this is all some sort of internal dialogue in Beard’s head! My ship is still safe! Huzzah! Ok, so there’s a split between Beard and Father, is what I’m getting here. Beard is still sitting in his rumpled brown coat nursing some booze, while Father is standing with face partially out of camera in nicer clothes, chiding humanity for their weakness and talking about their “one good use as a natural resource”. Aaaand Beard’s glasses are opaque again, he’s back to being Evil. Mid-show cards of Van Hohenheim (still gonna call him Beard) and Pinako Rockbell. Back to flashbacks! Ed’s found the secret Stone-making TC under the Fifth Laboratory, that great fight scene between Ed and the Brother Armor (one of the funniest scenes, too), Ed swearing that he sees Soul Armors as being human too and swearing he will never take the life of another person, #48 about to spoil the plot before Lust shuts him up, Ed encountering Goths for the first time, sudden jump at mention of “important sacrifice” to Gluttony cheerfully taking Al to see Father, Bradley mentioning that Teacher might be a worthy candidate as well (boo!), Lust “killing” potential sacrifice Roy, and Marcoh himself in his cell. Now it’s Hughes… with his last discovery before the Goths silenced him. Marcoh saying his (and my) theory of turning the entire country into a TC like Mr. Freeze did back in Episode 1. [Pinako]: “You’ve always known about their plans, haven’t you? Well, Hohenheim?” Beard finally admits to- wait, what? [Beard]: “Even if I’d spoken up, warned them, it wouldn’t have changed anything.” What do you mean, “warned them”? Of course you wouldn’t warn them about your own scheme, what is Figment!Pinako talking about?

Beard is saying he’s watched humanity for a long time now (How long? And just how is Beard so long-lived? I get he created the Goths, or at least I thought so before Pinako’s line just now…), and he just sees them make the same mistakes again and again- uh, some of the dancers just bumped into each other and exploded, scattering blood on some very confused girls. [Beard]: “They’re so fragile… how could they not break?” Flashes of the Homunculii healing/hulking out, Gluttony going Gate, Bradley revealing his status to Greed as Wrath and kicking his butt, Roy getting tricked by Raven (jerk) to Bradley’s “so let’s discuss potential human sacrifices, my military officials” meeting, the first flashes of Father as Beard talks about how humans lack the strengths of the Goths, they can’t defend themselves. [Pinako]: “But that won’t make us give up. We will never give up!” You go, Mental Pinako! Kick his arguments to the curb! Ha! It’s working, Beard is admitting that it’s a human characteristic (flashes of Badass Roy killing Lust, Ed defying Greed and working out his weakness, Al arguing with Scar in defense of Alchemy, Scar’s brother protecting him from Mister Smiley’s attack and giving his own arm to save his life, Lan Fan giving up her own arm just to distract Wrath after Ling saved her life…) [Pinako]: “They can put us through hell, but it doesn’t matter! Nothing they can do will make us give up! And some day we will win!” Damnit, now Father’s in on the debate, Beard’s vanished for this argument. Father’s saying Pinako can’t change anything, everyone will die and she’ll be left with nothing. He says the only smart thing to do is grab what’s important and run away, suddenly he’s seized her and [Father]: “You act like you have a conscience, but you’re just being sentimental. Isn’t that right, Hohenheim?” Pinako!Mask removed to show Beard, not very happy with this new development. [Father]: “You think you can change things? You honestly believe one act of caring will make you human?!” Beard is gasping for breath as Father rants about how humans are just a resource, left unchecked they will spread like weeds, their basic nature can’t be changed. Beard… Beard slowly leans forward, glasses going opaque. His hands still- Someone’s grabbed his hands, a young woman with short brown hair. [?]: “We will change. Because we can change! I know it. We may be weak, but we just have to be. If not, then we wouldn’t have any reason to go out, to get strong. I know that it may seem futile to you, but it’s not. Because we are getting stronger with every step we take.”

*credits music has started up* [Roy]: “And in turn they’ll protect the ones they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do for eachother.” [Ling]: “I-I wasn’t ready for this. Lan Fan was, though. She made the decision that I was too weak to make.” [Al]: “I’m sick of watching people die! And I can’t just sit back and take it anymore! I won’t let anyone else get killed! Not when I can protect them!” [Ed]: “I won’t run away from this.” [Ed]: “We’ll knock that jerk Truth on his butt!” [Ed]: “Al! Al, come on! Please! Hurry, Al!...” [Ed]: “Alphonse! Look at me! I’ll come back! Just you wait!” [?]: “You see? I’m sure we can change! Because we’re weak. And because we die. We have to fight in order to live! And that’s what will make us strong. And if that’s not enough? If you’re still not convinced that we can change?” Yes, yes, I know this can’t last because we have so much show left but Leto damn it if it isn’t awesome to see Beard’s glasses clear again [!!!]: “Then think about us.” It’s Mama Elric! [Mama Elric!!!]: “All of the days we spent with our family in Resembool.” And now Beard is sitting on a moss-covered log in daylight, green grass around and petals slowly falling. He has a blank look on his face, seeing Pinako and Mama Elric and his boys and so many other people standing in front of him. Little Al’s shirt hardly fits him as he clutches Mama Elric’s skirt, Little Ed stands arms crossed trying to look tough- Then geese fly by, and Beard wakes up. He looks over the pristine lake and mountains he made a campfire at, gives a slight smile at the realization he was dreaming, and moves on- after he pauses, looks back at an empty bottle of booze, and says “Thanks for all the help.” ...so, good recap episode, but what the Leto is going on with Beard? Isn’t he supposed to be lurking under Central? Ooh, new credits! We’re at Rush Valley, zoom in to Atelier Garfiel where Winry’s hard at work, looks up and smiles to a lens flare for ok sure, totally necessary for her unzipped uniform while she moves boxes, moving on. Or I guess that’s just staying tied down as she tinkers with tech and banters with customers, now she’s happily talking on the phone with her friend Ed (NOT Al- edited for an earlier typo, thanks TonyC) based on how she’s suddenly screaming into the receiver before she grumpily subsides and then blushes(!). New girl! Lan Fan, rocking the empty sleeve look. May Chang happily walking along with Shao May. Back to the closed automail shop where Winry is still working (get some sleep for Leto’s sake!), now opening the shutter the next day and greeting the sun. Man, I wish I was that happy to work in retail.

[brideofedoras]

Myne Owne Hertis Rote

Disclaimer:  Image found on Google (Eomer’s helmet and sword, Guthwine).

I only own my OCs.

Word count: 4000+

Rating: teen (for now)

Warnings: mentions of injury and pain, underaged drinking, mentions of the attack

Part Three (with links to parts One and Two): https://brideofedoras.tumblr.com/post/188864457893/myne-owne-hertis-rote

Part Four!  Happy reading!  

“Rochiriel,” Éomer switched the reins to his left hand, reaching down to squeeze her thigh through her skirts.  “Edoras lies up ahead,” he smiled when she peeked over his shoulder to see the city in the distance, less than an hour’s ride away. “We are almost home.”

Rochiriel smiled wearily.  “I am glad,” her voice was strained as she dropped her forehead to the cool leather covering his shoulder blade.  

“Are you feeling well?” Éomer frowned, tightening his hand on her leg once more.  “Rochiriel, do we need to stop?”

“Éomer, is everything all right?” Alldred rode up abreast of them.

Éomer spared his friend a glance before returning his attention to the young woman behind him.  “Rochiriel, answer me, are you feeling all right?  Do we need to stop?”

“No,” Rochiriel shook her head.  “I can make it, my Lord, I can make it to Edoras.  We do not need to stop.”

“Like hell,” Éomer growled.  “You are in pain, Rochiriel, and you have not uttered a word about it!”

“I did not wish to burden you with a delay,” she whimpered into the leather and metal of his armor.  

Éomer looked over to Alldred.  “Take the men and ride on ahead,” he said.  “Rochiriel needs a respite.  Tell Lady Daewen that her daughter is safe with me, say nothing of her injuries.  Have Godwine send one of the royal healers to her house once we arrive.  And find the boys responsible and bring them to the Golden Hall.”

“Yes, sir,” Alldred nodded.  “Anything else, Éomer?”

“If Rochiriel’s mother needs anything, please see to it.”

“Yes, my lord,” Alldred reined his horse to alert the men.

“Éomer, no,” Rochiriel whimpered into his shoulder. “I can make it!”

Éomer shook his head.  “You are in pain, Rochiriel,” his voice was firm as he reined Firefoot aside. Keeping a firm grip on Faelan he threw his right leg over Firefoot’s neck and dismounted.  He quickly and carefully placed the wolf pup on the ground before turning to place his hands on Rochiriel’s waist.  “Down we go,” he murmured before lifting her down and against his chest.  Once he helped her to a soft spot to sit he turned to fetch the mead from his saddlebags.

Rochiriel dashed away the tears slipping down her pale cheeks, whimpering in pain when she forgot about the wound under her left eye. “Éomer, you have been away from home a fortnight, I do not wish to delay you a moment longer!”

Éomer kneeled before her.  “A moment longer, a day longer,” he shook his head and pressed the skin into her hands.  “It matters not if you are in pain, Rochiriel.”  He brushed his knuckles against the back of her hand.  “Drink up, love.  We will return home when you feel up to riding.”

Rochiriel knew she would not win this argument.  Éomer is right, I hurt too much to ride.  She lifted the skin, taking a few very healthy drinks.  

She was mortified when an unladylike belch erupted from her lips and caused the marshal to chuckle.  She stared at him with wide eyes.

“I believe you shall be able to drink some of the men under the table before long, love,” Éomer teased, smiling at her now. “You very well could win the next drinking contest.”

She shook her head.  “No, Éomer,” she sighed.  “I do not like mead.”

“We always have ale,” he chuckled.  “And wine.”

“I will stick with wine,” she smiled half-heartedly.  “If ladies drink, they drink wine.”

“If I had any wine, I would offer it to you,” Éomer conceded.  “But for now, all I have is the mead.  It will loosen your muscles and ease your pain.”

“I will not be fit to ride, Éomer,” she felt a pleasant warmth spread through her.  “What will you do with me if I cannot sit on a horse?”

“Then you shall ride in the saddle, and I will ride behind you,” he promised.  “Perhaps riding in the saddle will help you relax.”

“Perhaps,” Rochiriel agreed, taking another healthy drink before offering the skin to Éomer.  “I feel terrible for drinking your mead and not sharing.”

Éomer’s brow quirked up.  “I do not mind,” he said softly but accepted the skin.  He took a small drink at her expectant look. “You need it more than I, and there are more in the cellars of the Golden Hall.”

“Then we had best hurry back to Edoras,” Rochiriel giggled.  She hiccupped, eyes growing wide as she covered her mouth.  She giggled again as she blushed.

“I believe that is enough for you, young lady,” Éomer frowned, taking the skin and securing it in the saddlebag once more. “How do you feel?”

“I feel nothing but warmth,” Rochiriel sighed, a drunken smile bowing her lips.  “A pleasant, tingling warmth all throughout my body.”

Éomer groaned.  “Up in the saddle with you,” he lifted her into his arms and swung her up into the saddle.  Rochiriel curled her fingers around the pommel, giggling again as she watched him pick up Faelan.  The wolf pup plopped across her lap.

Éomer adjusted Rochiriel’s skirts and his cloak before he swung up behind her.  He slipped his left arm around her waist and reached around her to take the reins in his right hand.  She soon relaxed against his chest, numb to the pain along her back.

He held Firefoot to a steady walk, hoping the jostling of each step would not further injure her back.  He knew his armor could not be comfortable rubbing up against her wounds.  

“I want to go fast, faster,” Rochiriel giggled after a while, craning her neck to look up at him with bright blue eyes. “Please, Éomer, can we go faster?”

“No, Rochiriel,” he shook his head.  “I cannot make Firefoot run fast without you or Faelan falling off.”

Rochiriel pouted.  “You spoil my fun,” she muttered.

He chuckled, tightening his left arm around her waist.  “Perhaps someday when you are healed I will take you for a ride and we shall go as fast as you please.”

She sighed, laying her right hand over his. “I would like that very much, my Lord.”

“Rochiriel, you’ve known me your entire life, there is no need for you to be so formal when speaking with me when we are alone,” he said softly.  He preferred to be addressed by his name and not his title.  

“Éomer,” she sighed his name, brushing her hand over his gloved one.  “You are a good man.”

Éomer blushed, unable to respond.  Her soft touch sent heat through his body, strong, intense, unlike anything he had ever felt from a woman’s touch before.  And it was all wrong.

It felt right, but at the same time he knew it was wrong.  Rochiriel was still young, a woman of sixteen years.  She was his sister’s best friend, his friend.  She was injured, and dammit she was intoxicated.  

He had not meant for her to become so drunk from the mead, he had only hoped to take the edge off her pain, as had Alldred the night before.  Alldred.  Of course, he must have given her some before we broke camp.

Éomer was going to have a time explaining to Rochiriel’s widowed mother why her young daughter was drunk.

“I dreamt of this once,” Rochiriel sighed. “Riding with you like this…”

His eyebrows shot up.  “Did you?”  Inwardly, he groaned.  What the hell are you doing, Éomer? Encouraging her to tell secrets while she’s drunk?  

“Aye, my Lord,” she sighed again.  Happy.  Breathy.

Do.  Not. Encourage.  Her.  

He gritted his teeth, that breathy sigh getting to him in the worst way.  He wanted to hear that sound again, he wanted to be the reason for that sound.  

Under better circumstances, when she is healed, sober, and a little older. Stop thinking about it, Éomer.  

Sixteen was not too young, it was not unheard of for young women Rochiriel’s age to be involved with men, whether the men were their age or twice their age.  Éomer had nearly ten years on her, a reasonable age gap.  One that would not bother him under any other circumstances.

However…  She was Éowyn’s closest friend.  He had ridden patrols with her father before Braedon died.  Hell, he had known Rochiriel since she was a babe.  He had taken it upon himself to work with her on her riding skills while he worked with Éowyn, feeling he owed it to her father… as Braedon had died saving his life.

“Tell me about your dream?”

You are a stupid man, Éomer.

Her fingertips danced over the back of his hand, and he suppressed a shiver.  

“I dreamed I was in the Golden Hall with Éowyn for my birthday.  She had given me a beautiful dress… it was white with blue trim and a black sash with blue stitching…  She told me to put it on…” she turned her head, resting her cheek against the leather of his armored chest plate.  “After I put the dress on, Éowyn and I walked from her room to the great hall, and you were there with Theoden and Theodred.  All three of you stared at me… and you…” she giggled, sighing another dreamy sigh (he groaned out loud that time, he really wanted to be the reason for that sound).  “You walked up to me and took my hands in yours and you told me, ‘this blue matches the color of your eyes’… and you took me riding on Firefoot.  Like this… but I wasn’t hurt and we didn’t have little Faelan,” she stroked her fingers through the drowsing pup’s fur.  “We rode out to the vale where the roses bloom, and you kissed me…”

Éomer’s arm tightened around her waist.  “What was it like?”  His voice was low, deep, husky.  Have you lost your mind?

“It was beautiful,” she whispered.  “The way your hands cradled my face and curled into my hair, the way your thumbs brushed over my cheeks… the way your eyes looked into mine…  Your eyes change color with your mood,” she went on.  “They were the color of warm honey with flecks of green and gold, so beautiful…  And you whispered my name before your lips touched mine.  Soft and gentle…” She trailed off before a violent hiccup shook her frame and startled Faelan.  

Éomer quickly steadied the pup as he swallowed hard. If I were to kiss you, that is how I would do it, he thought once Faelan settled down.  

She drew in a deep breath, exhaling it shakily. He frowned at how sad that breath sounded.  

“Riding on Firefoot with you is like part of that dream coming true.  Only I know I could never turn the head of a young, handsome marshal of the mark.  My family has no standing.  It is a wonder I am even friends with Éowyn… and you.”

The sadness in her voice got to him.  “No standing…  Rochiriel, why would you say that?  You’re the granddaughter of the Steward of Gondor!  The daughter of a former marshal of the mark, and Éowyn and I have been friends with you for a long time.”

She nodded.  “Grima… he told me.  He said that you took pity on me after Papa was killed,” her voice took on a bitter tone.

“No, Rochiriel,” Éomer sighed heavily.  “My father died when I was eleven years old, my mother soon after.  Your father died when you were ten.  You cannot take pity on someone when you were once in their position, Rochiriel.”  He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm the anger he could feel building within at Grima Wormtongue’s mindgames. “Why were you talking to Wormtongue?”

“He cornered me yesterday,” Rochiriel answered quietly.  “Éowyn and I were hoping to finish embroidering the tunic I had made for your birthday.  A beautiful tunic…  Hama had just let me into the Golden Hall when Grima grabbed my arm and dragged me into a dark corner.  I… I thought he… he was…”

Éomer took another deep breath.  “Did he?” he could not keep the harsh tone out of his voice.

Rochiriel shrank in on herself, pulling away from him. “N-no,” she whispered shakily.

Éomer tightened his arm around her waist, pulling her back against his chest once more.  “I am not angry with you, Rochiriel,” he managed somehow to lighten his tone. “Rest assured I will have words with Wormtongue when we get home.”

She shook her head.  “No, no, please,” she pleaded, gripping his left hand.  “It’ll only make it worse, he watches me all the time, he follows me when I visit Éowyn.  Theoden no longer notices…  And you are always gone, either on patrol or to Aldburg…”  

Éomer clenched his teeth together.  Grima Wormtongue is a dead man if he dares to lay a hand on Rochiriel again.  Or Éowyn, if she does not geld the bastard first.

“Mama is going to have my hide, isn’t she?” Rochiriel asked quietly as Edoras loomed ahead over the Snowbourn.

“My mama skinned mine a time or two when I was a child,” Éomer chuckled.  “Whoa, Firefoot!”  He reined in the horse when the dapple quickened his pace upon reaching the river’s ford.  “Walk, my boy.”  

The big horse snorted and shook his head in displeasure, drawing another chuckle from the marshal.  “We’re ready to be home, too, Firefoot,” he sighed.  “Your mother will be glad to have you home, Rochiriel,” he told her, tightening his grip on the reins when Firefoot again tried to break out into a gallop.

“I’ve never been away from home overnight like this before,” Rochiriel admitted.  “She must be disappointed with me.”

“No,” Éomer shook his head as they crossed through the north gate.  “She won’t be, I promise,” he assured her, reining Firefoot toward the small thatched houses at the bottom of the hill in Auld Town.  He stopped in front of one with beautiful yellow flowers in the yard. He slid off his horse before scooping up Faelan and setting him down.  He was carefully helping Rochiriel out of the saddle when her mother rushed out of the house, hands wringing her skirts with worry.

Daewen cried out her daughter’s name when Éomer lifted Rochiriel into his arms.  “What has happened?” she demanded, coming closer and frowning when her daughter giggled out a nervous greeting to her mother.

“I will explain in a moment, Lady Daewen,” his voice was strained as he shifted his stance to accommodate a suddenly-giggly Rochiriel.  The girl tended to giggle when nervous, and being drunk made it worse, he realized. He glanced down at the little wolf at his feet.  “Come, Faelan.”

Daewen gasped when she saw the wolf pup. “What’s this?”

“Your daughter saved his life,” Éomer answered shortly at the same time Rochiriel cooed, “My little wolf!”  He grunted when the young woman tried to shift around in his arms.  He tightened his fingers against her knee.  “Would you hold still, Rochiriel, before you cause me to drop you!”

Rochiriel went still.  “You would not dare to drop me, my Lord,” she sighed, reaching up to touch his bearded jaw.  “You are far too noble to do such a thing.”

“Is my daughter drunk?” Daewen gasped disapprovingly.

“Milady, I will explain,” Éomer nodded his head toward the house.  “Once I have lain her in her bed,” he grunted when Rochiriel went slack in his arms, hopefully from either the mead or exhaustion.

Daewen heaved a great sigh before gathering her skirts and turning toward the door.  “You are to explain everything.  Captain Alldred was quite vague when he came earlier to inform me of my daughter’s whereabouts.”

“Aye,” Éomer nodded.  “I did not wish to worry you with details until you were able to lay eyes upon your daughter.”

At his words, Daewen turned, a grateful smile warming her paled face.  “And I thank you for your thoughtfulness, Éomer.”  She led him into a smaller room near the back of the little house.  “What happened?”

Éomer crossed the small room to the bed tucked up against the wall, bracing his knee on the mattress to steady himself before lowering Rochiriel’s limp body onto it.  “She rode out yesterday morning, after…” he trailed off, unclasping his cloak from her neck and shifting her onto her stomach.

“What happened in the Golden Hall?” Daewen demanded. “Rochiriel would not say before she took off for the stables.”

“Grima Wormtongue,” he spat the name out.  “He watches my sister and your daughter despite repeated warnings from Theoden, Theodred, and myself.”  He closed his eyes briefly, drawing in a slow, deep breath before pushing away from the bed, purposefully not telling her what Rochiriel had confessed.  “Rochiriel rode further than she intended and happened upon two boys beating the wolf pup.”

Daewen sucked in a sharp gasp, looking down at the little wolf who was whining at the bed.

Éomer stooped down to lift the pup onto the mattress where he promptly curled up against Rochiriel.  “Your daughter valiantly defended Faelan and was injured in the process.  I was scouting for a good nooning place when I found them.  We have cleaned, treated and stitched both Rochiriel’s and the pup’s wounds, have provided food, a bedroll and the mead to ease her pain.”

Daewen’s eyes slid shut in grief as she sank onto the mattress by her daughter’s legs.  “How severe are her wounds?”

“They require salves and medicinal tea,” he answered. “Alldred believes she will have scars.” He reached out to place a comforting hand on Daewen’s shoulder.  “Your daughter is very brave, Lady Daewen,” he assured her.  “She protected the wolf pup from those… boys… and would have stood up to me to defend Faelan if I had not quickly bonded with the pup before she regained consciousness.  I regret that I did not happen upon the clearing a few moments earlier, and I regret that Rochiriel imbibed more mead than I intended.  She did not tell me of her pain as we rode this morning until I forced it out of her.”

Daewen nodded.  “She is as stubborn as her father,” she sighed, stroking her hand over her daughter’s arm before hesitantly touching the pup.  She smiled upon feeling the soft fur of the now-sleeping wolf.  

“Aye, she is,” Éomer smiled fondly.  “Braedon was a good man, and sorely missed among the eored.  He would have been proud of her.”

Daewen blinked away her tears.  “I do not have what medicines she needs, Éomer,” she changed the subject, her brow furrowed with worry.

“Do not worry, I have asked for a healer to come tend to Rochiriel upon our return,” Éomer shook his head. He held up a placating hand when Daewen opened her mouth to protest.  “I will take care of everything, milady.”  He moved toward the door.  “I will return later with my sister to check on Rochiriel.  I take my leave to see to my horse, and to see to those… boys… who brought pain and suffering to your daughter.”  He tipped his head and left.

Éowyn was standing by Firefoot’s stall in the stable when he led the horse into the building.  “How is she?”

“She passed out from exhaustion, she is resting,” Éomer answered.  “Rochiriel received several deep lashes and drank a little too much mead.”

“Godwine brought Theolaf and Eosolaf to the dungeon,” Éowyn told him.  “I cannot believe they would do such a thing, Éomer.  They are bullies, they are mean-spirited, but to attack another person?”

 “They did,” his jaw tightened.  “I bore witness to their actions, sister.  If I had not arrived when I did…”  His voice faltered and trailed off, his eyes tracking to meet his sister’s.  “They would have killed her, Éowyn, had I not stopped them.”

Éowyn’s eyes widened as she sucked in a pained gasp.  “Why?”

“No one but those little bastards know, Sister,” he shook his head.  “I should send someone to look for Rochiriel’s horse—“

“Godwine found Brecc, a league from where you stopped to tend to Rochiriel” her voice dropped, hesitating before continuing.  “He had broken his leg.  They had to put him down.”  

Éomer walked away from the stall, stalking to the furthest corner of the stable, empty of horses, before slamming his fist against the wall.  Pain blazed through his knuckles and up his arm as he cursed.  He braced his hands against the wall, hanging his head as he struggled to rein in his anger.  The soft touch of his sister’s hand on his armored shoulder made him stiffen, but he did not shrug her off.

“They dragged Brecc out of sight so Rochiriel would not see,” Éowyn told him sadly.  “Godwine wanted to know what you want to do with the horse…”

“Rochiriel will be devastated,” he growled.  “I remember when Braedon gave Brecc to her.”

“She loved that horse,” Éowyn leaned into Éomer when he turned and pulled her into a tight hug.  “I will go out with Godwine to fetch Rochiriel’s tack, and a lock of Brecc’s mane…  We must tell her, Éomer.”  She leaned back to look up at her brother.

He shook his head.  “For now, she rests.  We will check on her later.  I want to see those boys.”

Éowyn silently helped her brother attend to Firefoot, brushing him down, giving him fresh water and food.  As they left the stable and headed up the stairs to the Golden Hall, Éomer spoke up.  

“Is Wormtongue giving you trouble?”

“Nothing I cannot handle,” Éowyn answered.  “His words, his looks, his touches are unwelcome… and I will geld him if he ever lays a hand on Rochiriel.”

Éomer’s smile was grim.  “I will kill him if I catch him harassing either of you.”

  Éowyn was alone when she paid Rochiriel and her mother a visit before supper time, a basket of food on her arm.  

“Lady Éowyn,” Daewen embraced the king’s niece warmly.  “Tis good to see you!”

“My Lady Daewen,” Éowyn hugged her mother’s old friend.  “The sentiment is the same.”  She pulled back, noting Daewen’s frown as the older woman looked out the door behind her.

 “Where is Éomer?”

Éowyn’s smile faded.  “He sends his deepest regret for not joining me,” she said softly, catching Daewen’s hand in hers.  “My brother is not pleased with the punishment Uncle has given the two boys responsible for Rochiriel’s injuries,” she dropped her voice to a low whisper.

Daewen gripped Éowyn’s hand.  “What was the punishment?”  She kept her voice low as well.

 Éowyn peered through the doorway into the house.

 “Rochiriel is resting still, in her room,” Daewen whispered, reaching back to pull the door shut.  “Eowyn, what was the punishment?”

“A fortnight in the dungeon,” Éowyn shook her head in disgust.  "Two weeks punishment for nearly killing a woman, for torturing and killing animals."

 Daewen snorted in an undignified manner.  “A fortnight in the dungeon is better than no punishment at all,” she grumbled.  “Thank you for telling me, Éowyn, I do appreciate your kinship with my daughter.”

 “Rochiriel is my dearest friend,” Éowyn’s answering smile was fond.  “Just as you were one of my mother’s dearest friends, and I will always hold you in my highest regards, my Lady Daewen.”

 Daewen smiled back, tears burning at her blue eyes.  “You are a treasure, my dear,” she took Éowyn’s hand and led her into her house.  “May I enquire as to what is in the basket?”

 Éowyn grinned.  “I brought a feast fit for a queen,” she said as she set the basket on the table.  “Éomer requested this meal for Rochiriel, to make up for the trout she'd had last night.”

 “Your brother is a good man, Éowyn,” Daewen murmured.  “A noble man.”

Éowyn blushed at the praise for her brother.  “And he would deny every word,” she laughed softly.  She looked toward the back of the room when a door opened.  “Rochiriel!”  Her eyes swept over her young friend, lingering on the wound on her cheek and the wrappings on her left forearm.   

 Rochiriel moved stiffly as she came out of her bedroom, Faelan limping behind her.  “Éowyn,” her smile was strained.  

 Daewen moved to aid her daughter as she walked across the living space.  She carefully put her arm about Rochiriel’s waist, well below the lowest wound on her back.  “Shall I make more of the medicinal tea, love?”

 Rochiriel nodded, easing her arm around her mother’s shoulders.  “Yes, Mama.”  She looked at Éowyn, before looking around the room.  “Where is Lord Éomer?”

 Éowyn gave her a sad smile, “My brother asked me to tell you he regrets that he cannot join us this evening, he does not wish to upset you with the mood that has befallen him.”  She motioned to the basket on the table.  “He requested a special supper and asked for a basket to be delivered.”  She pulled out a chair for her friend when Daewen brought her to the table.  “Éomer promised me he would come visit tomorrow.”

 Rochiriel looked up at Éowyn, her blue eyes filled with pain and sadness.  “Will he?”

 Éowyn took the girl’s hand into hers.  “Aye, little sister.  He will.”  She leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Rochiriel's brow.  "You know my brother could never deny you anything you ask.  He would give you the moon if you wished for it."  She was pleased to see color return to the younger woman's cheeks.  "Now, it is my understanding you saved the life of a wolf pup?"  She released her hands to pull out another chair to sit in.

Rochiriel nodded, turning to look for Faelan.  "Mama must have taken him outside," she murmured as she turned back to face the blonde.  "Eomer promised me Faelan would be safe in Edoras."

"Aye, Little Sister, he will be," Eowyn promised.

 Éowyn nearly screamed when she entered her chambers and found her brother sitting on the fainting couch beneath her window. She pressed a hand to her chest, shooting Éomer a glare.  

“How is she?” Éomer asked as he turned away from the window.

“Rochiriel was very disappointed, nay she was hurt that you did not come to visit,” Éowyn answered curtly.  “She is also in a great deal of pain.”

Éomer grimaced.  “The healer is to be making three visits a day.”

“She is, Leighwyn came to help Rochiriel prepare for bed,” Éowyn assured him, her voice still a touch cold.  She leveled a hard look at her brother.  “Rochiriel believes she has done something wrong, and I had to assure her that your reasons for not coming were due to the foul mood that had befallen you and your desire to not ruin supper with your temperment. I did not tell her what brought on your mood, Éomer.”

He nodded, wincing as he looked away.  “I did not wish to scare her or Faelan with my mood, Éowyn.”

“I know, brother,” Éowyn walked over and sat down beside Éomer on the couch.  “Rochiriel…” she shook her head.  “She was feeling the effects of drinking mead, she was hurting and embarrassed for her behavior earlier today.”

Éomer shook his head.  “She has had a rough time these past few days,” he sighed heavily. “I did not mean to upset her.  I wanted to spare her from my foul mood.”

“You should go see her tomorrow and tell her yourself,” Éowyn advised.  “And pick some flowers for her!  Now, my dear brother, it is late and I am tired.”

Éomer nodded, pushing to his feet.  “Thank you, Sister,” he murmured, turning to walk toward the door.

[the--blackdahlia]

Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 6 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 6

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings:  

Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

AN: Check out my Patreon to see chapters before they come to Tumblr!!

Holding her hand they made it inside and were shown to a booth. They took their seats and the menus, placing their drink orders.

“What looks good Mr. Sixx?” (Y/n) asked, looking over her menu.

“The burgers are always good,” Nikki smiled. “What looks good to you?”

“You...I mean a bacon cheeseburger looks really good.” (Y/n) smiled at him. “You should get yourself the Jack and Coke today.”

“If I was on the menu I think we’d never leave,” Nikki wiggled his eyebrows at her. “But I bet you taste better than me.” (Y/n) blushed. Their waitress came over then and brought them each a drink. The bell above the door jingled then and Vince and Mick came in.

“I thought you were getting groceries fuckface!” Vince called out across the diner to Nikki, making (Y/n) laugh.

“I bumped into (Y/n) and decided you guys can starve if you can’t keep Tommy out of the fridge,” he said as he flipped Vince off. “Then again you keep talking to me like that and I won’t introduce you to (Y/n)’s dorm mate asshole.”  

“Oh, you have a single friend?” Vince asked, scooting into the booth by (Y/n) while Mick sat by Nikki. (Y/n) laughed.

Nikki placed his head on the table with a groan, “Why? Why can’t you guys just let us have our moment in peace?”

“Because we wouldn’t be Motley Crue if we did Nikki.” Mick laughed, looking over at the girl in the seat across from him.

“So, where’s your guys’ gig at this time?” (Y/n) asked, looking over at Nikki and hoping that their official date wouldn’t be interrupted like their small ones had been so far.

“I think we have a gig over at Whiskey later tonight,” NIkki said. “The crowd should be good. They love us at the Whiskey.” Nikki sighed as they placed their order. Nikki took a gulp of his Jack and Coke and eyed Mick and Vince. “Where’s Tommy?”

“Had to go to his mom’s and help her or something,” Mick told him. “She’s going to Greece.”

“Yeah and he said now he’ll probably have to make sure his dorky little sister is okay.” Vince added with a laugh. (Y/n) bit the inside of her cheek to keep from growling at him.

“I’m sure she’s not a dork.” (Y/n) grumbled, taking a sip of her drink.

“We wouldn’t know,” Nikki shrugged. “We’ve never met her. But I’m sure Tommy is the real dork of the family and he’s trying to make himself look good.”

“Could you imagine what she’s like though? I mean, I’ve met Athena and she’s a little cooler than Tommy.” Vince said with a laugh.

“I don’t know man, never judge a book by it’s cover,” Nikki said and looked at (Y/n) giving her a wink. “I mean look at (Y/n), she’s smart and a cool chick.” Nikki took her hand and kissed it. (Y/n) smiled some.

“Well, I feel bad for the poor girl that is Tommy Lee’s sister.” Mick told them. “So, are we interrupting you two?” (Y/n) bit her lip as she watched Nikki’s eyes darken.

“No Mick,” Nikki grit his teeth, “We were hoping you would join us,” Nikki drawled sarcastically. “Please, I hope I can return the favor when you find a girl you want to date.”

“Jokes on you man. Mick doesn’t date anybody.” Vince laughed, ordering a drink from the waitress. “Really surprised you are Nikki. Especially someone as cute as her.” He wrapped an arm around her.

“Get. Your. Arm. Off. Her. NOW!” NIkki growled glaring at Vince. “You keep that up you can kiss meeting her friend goodbye.”

“Oh, come on.” Vince pouted, moving his arm. “Is she hot?” He asked, leaning close to (Y/n).

“Smoking.” She said. “She’s a pageant girl.”

“She ever win anything?” Vince leaned in interested. “I mean, I can brag about her.”  

“She won Miss California Teen our junior year of high school.” (Y/n) shrugged. “Between you and me, she looks fantastic in a bikini.” She winked at Vince. Nikki had to laugh a little.

“Mick, let’s leave these two love birds alone and get groceries.” Vince said as he pulled Mick up. “Well see you later for our gig man.”

“What?!” Mick grumbled. “Man I wanted to get a burger!”

“I will get you a burger somewhere else.” Vince said. “Bye!” The two of them left. (Y/n) laughed.

“Sorry about them, they’re…. Special.” Nikki shook his head as their food arrived.

“We all have those friends.” (Y/n) laughed. “If I would’ve known telling him she looks great in a bikini would’ve worked, I would’ve done it awhile ago.”

NIkki laughed, “Why don’t you move over next to me.” NIkki moved over to give (Y/n) room to sit. (Y/n) pushed her plate to the other side and moved next to him, smiling as she felt him wrap his arm around her.

“You know, tomorrow night we shouldn’t have to deal with any of your friends.” (Y/n) laughed.

“That’s why they have no idea where we’re going to be and I made sure to pick an area they would never visit.” Nikki laughed before capturing her lips with his in a deep kiss. (Y/n) closed her eyes, loving the feeling of Nikki kissing on her.

“I’m excited about tomorrow,” (Y/n) said. “I get so busy with school and work that I don’t go out as much as I should.” She blushed a little. “I just realized how much of a geek I sound like.”

“You’re a girl with goals,” Nikki shrugged. “It’s refreshing, better than the girls Tommy picks up. Besides, most girls that come to our shows have no brains.”

“It just be me being a dweeb, but I like to listen to music and find the deeper meaning sometimes. I like to hear the story behind it. I know not all music is like that, but when it is, it’s nice to understand it.” she shrugged.

“And that is what makes you awesome!” Nikki smiled at her. (Y/n) relaxed against Nikki.

“Someday, I’m going to be the go to producer. I’m going to sign the best bands. Labels will be fighting over who hires me.” She laughed.

“Not if we get you first,” Nikki gave her a smiled before paying the tab before she could get to it. “Come on, I’ll drive you home… or....” he trailed off.

“I don’t mind walking honestly. It’s a nice day out. I spend so long in the library with books I don’t know what the sun is.” She laughed.

“You could just secretly be a vampire,” NIkki teased. “We can head to the pier, maybe take a look at the sunset. You know I wouldn’t mind visiting you at work… maybe find an empty closet somewhere…” (Y/n) kissed his cheek.

“I need to catch up with Nessa at some point. She’s probably waiting for me or something. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow though.” She looked up into his eyes.

“I can’t wait,” he whispered as he pulled her in for another deep kiss. “ I don’t mind driving you back to campus (Y/n). It gives us more time to spend together.”  

“I mean, if you insist.” She felt him wrap an arm around her and pull her closer to him.

NIkki led her to the car and let her climb in before getting into the drivers side. With a sly smile he took a small detour and headed to the pier. “You should get just a bit of sun before I take you back. Besides, less of a chance getting interrupted by your roommate when we’re making out. If that’s ok?”

“Oh, of course.” (Y/n) blushed. “It’s not my roommate I’m worried about. She’s pretty good about leaving me alone when I need her to. It’s your bandmates.” She laughed.

“Me too, I worry about them not letting us get to know each other more,” Reaching the pier Nikki led (Y/n) to the end as they looked out over the ocean. “So why did you get into music and wanting to be a producer? Why not actually make music?”  

“I’m not as talented with it,” She admitted. “I mean, I play three instruments, but they aren’t rock enough, you know? I wanted to be a songwriter, but my loving brother told me that there’s no money in that. Or, well, in his case you don’t score chicks.” (Y/n) laughed. “I love seeing how all the parts fit together though.”

“What instruments do you play?” Nikki was curious. “And if the song is good you can score chicks, just look at the songs I write and how Vince sells it.”

“Uh, I play clarinet, saxophone, and piano. Well I do the drums some.” (Y/n) told him.

“Ok, the clarinet and Sax I’ll give you.. But the piano, that can be used for rock and roll I mean look at Queen!” Nikki said as he wrapped his arm around her. “I should punch your brother for shying you away from your talent.” he brought her body close to his.

“I bet that’d be funny to see.” She rested her head on him, enjoying the ocean air. “This would be a beautiful place to take pictures. One of my friends in high school did her pregnancy and engagement photos here.”

“Well we could always bring a camera out here and make some memories,” Nikki said before whispering in her ear. “Maybe some we can keep just for us.” (Y/n) laughed a little, even though she knew he was going to be disappointed.

“Sounds great.” She whispered back. “I would love to have a house with a view like this sometime.”

“You’ll have it someday,” Nikki said hopefully. “You know, you’re the only girl I’ve ever been able to be this real with.”

“Really?” (Y/n) asked. “What’s so special about me Mr. Sixx?” She smiled at him.

“I don’t feel empty with you,” he shrugged. “I can’t explain it.”

“I understand.” She said, reaching up to cup his cheek this time. “You can be yourself with me.”

“I guess I can be,” Nikki whispered as he leaned into her touch. “I really, really like you (Y/n).”

“I really, really like you too Nikki.” She smiled at him, glad that he could be relaxed around her. “You need to be getting ready for your gig, don’t you?” She asked.

“Shit, you need to meet with your sister.” NIkki cursed softly. “I’m sorry.” he led her back to the car and drove as quickly as he could back to her dorm. Turning to face her he gave her a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“It’s a date.” She leaned in and kissed him. “Good luck tonight Nikki.”

“You too,” he kissed her one more time before whimpering as she pulled away. “Can it be tomorrow already?”

“We’re almost there.” She got out of the car, waving to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow Nikki Sixx.” She smiled at him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow (Y/n) Bass.” he called out before driving away. (Y/n) made her way to Vanessa’s dorm.

“I’ll order the pizza here and then we’ll go to my house to meet Athena.” She said, throwing herself on Vanessa’s bed. Vanessa had seen them through the window, and she would be lying if she told people she didn’t ship the two now.

“That’s fine just make sure you tell the delivery guy your parent’s address.” Vanessa began grabbing her things. “Would your parent’s mind if I slept over? Would give us an excuse to have a slumber party.”

“They’re not home. They left this morning. Tommy came over while I was gone to help them get their things to the airport.” (Y/n) told her. “And no, I’m not inviting Nikki over.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to since he thinks you live here,” Vanessa shrugged. “ I mean you could always ask me and I can clear the room for you guys…”

“We’re not talking about this right now.” (Y/n) laughed. “Where do you want pizza from so I can order?”

“Pizza Hut,” Vanessa sighed as she grabbed some clothes to take to (Y/n)’s house. (Y/n) ordered the food and headed towards her house. Athena was waiting there for them.

Forever Tags:  @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316

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Too Young to Fall in Love Tags:  @kingbouji3 @leximus98

[antihero-writings]

The Only Fight--Young Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Star Wars Sequel Trilogy fic (full fic!)

Fic Title: The Only Fight

Fic Synopsis: Waking or sleeping, Ben Solo has been fighting the darkness within him ever since he was a child

Notes:

I’ve been wishing i had more Kylo Ren fics on my dash, please feel free to send me prompts/asks and let me know what sorts of Kylo Ren--especially young Ben Solo-- fics you’d like to see (once I get some time to write)! Or just message me to chat about Kylo Ren, here or on my main blog!! I’ve been looking for more friends in the Reylo fandom!!

Fic:

All Ben knows is that he has to run.

The little boy’s breathing is short, his heart racing, his hair falling about his face. The snow crunches and crumbles beneath his feet, the cold biting into his skin. The darkness threatens to take him into its consuming grasp, hold him tight and never let go.

Maybe he should let it.

He does not know how long he has been running, where he is now, or where he will end up. Nor does he know what he is running from. All there is is the act of running, and the fear that set it in motion.

Fear. Fear heightening his senses, making every stagnant shadow into patient monsters; waiting for him to come to close, come close so they can pick him up, swallow him whole.

He doesn’t wait in return, doesn’t wait to see if they’re real; he assumes they are.

But nothing reaches out with bloody claws, nothing taunts him, or roars in his ears. The only sound in this snowy forest is his own frantic gasps for air—(but he doesn’t feel like he’s breathing)—and that is monstrous enough.

Ben falls to the ground. He tries to crawl, to get back up, but his legs refuse to answer his commands.

The darkness, at last, now that Ben is on the ground, now that he cannot escape, takes on form, and steps before him.

Ben is just a child, he will never win against the hosts of darkness. Never win.

Or at least, his mind repeats it, like some sick prayer; You’re nothing.

The creature—no, the person—‘s face is obscured, whether by a cloak, a mask, or his own blurred perception, is itself another unclarity.

Everything is a little off, a little unclear, like he’s looking through the dusty viewfinder of his uncle’s macrobinoculars. Like he’s making it up as he goes along.

In the dim light Ben can’t tell whether the cloak is brown or black.

There is a whole spectrum between those two colors.

A sound penetrates the shadows, and with it, a light.

The lightsaber gleams in the dark. It is not, however the warm, saving grace of lamplight come to save him from the surrounding black. Rather it gathers its energy from the dark around it, amplifies the shadows, and the terror they provide. It hums, a crackling, red-soaked lullaby. Like an escaped convict of the old world, singing to himself in an empty cave the words to an even emptier old imperial march, telling himself he will be king again.

Red. Black. White. One day, the only colors he’ll see in.

Ben doesn’t even have the strength, or time, to ask Who are you? What are you? What do you want with me?

It doesn’t matter anyways. He knows, he knows exactly why this person has come: they have been hunting him down for a long time, and that lightsaber is about to break his too-fragile heart—the heart he hasn’t had time to harden and protect yet.

The only thing he dares to do is shut his eyes, and catch a breath, hold it in his lungs, try to grasp tight enough it won’t be stolen away.

“Ben,” the shadow taunts with a deep, crackling, familiar, unfamiliar voice, and the figure is so tall …or maybe Ben is just too young…“Oh poor little Ben,” it speaks with mock-pity, “Who will save you now?”

The little boy tries to swallow, tries to think of something to say, his tongue and mind searching for one strand of hope reach out and grab with his words.

He has no weapon of his own. His words are his only sword. So he must choose the strongest ones.

So…what are the strongest words? Defiance? Emotion? Insults? Truths? Lies? Will he fight the shadows with light or darkness?

There is power in silence too, but his tongue will not sit still. So, with a nervous sort of pride he says,

“My father will come. H-He’ll come to save me.”

The figure laughs.

Then, to Ben’s surprise, they power down the saber and crouch down. But he soon finds the reason is because worse than their taunts, worse than the violent promise of the lightsaber, is the feeling of their gloved finger on his chin. Their face is indistinguishable even now, close. And they say, with only a glint of empathy, hidden under six feet of of malice,

“Poor little Ben…all alone in the world.”

He swallows.

Is he? Is he all alone? What if Father isn’t coming? What if Mother isn’t coming? What if Uncle Luke isn’t coming? What if he, and this thing, and these snowy woods are all that is real in the end?

They take their hand away, the mocking tenderness left behind for slander;

“You think Han Solo will come to your rescue? You think that arrogant wretch will be your savior?” he laughed, “I am sorry to say.”—and Ben has been around enough adults to know they wasn’t sorry at all—“He will leave you on your own…everyone will. Han Solo can’t save you.”

The boy’s hands clench into shaky fists. “N-No! NO!” Ben cries out, so lonely, so afraid, so lost.

The figure head tilts ever so slightly. “You’re so sure… why?”

“Because…Because he’s my father—”

“And that’s what father’s do?” they scoff. “Just because he is your father doesn’t mean he’ll always be there. There are some darknesses we must face alone. Best to realize this earlier on…it’ll save you the pain of betrayal later.”

Ben’s expression is set. His small frame can barely contain all the anger running through him.

They tilt Ben’s chin higher, as if appraising him as some fine item for auction. He swallows. “You cling so tightly to the light. Wouldn’t it be easier just to give in?”

“U-Uncle Luke says—”

“Skywalker. I should have known…Did he ever tell you of your grandfather?”

Ben chooses silence this time.

“And what if even he, this perfect hero…isn’t what he seems? What if even he turns against you one day…What would you do!”

“No…NO! Uncle Luke would never do that!”

“Quiet!” The figure barks, looking around wildly, exchanging the gentle touch close to Ben’s face for the lightsaber again—at which Ben cries out in fear, and attempts to scramble away but I cant move!

A voice comes from the trees nearby. “You’re the one who shouldn’t be so chatty.”

The footsteps of the new figure fall between the shivering boy on the ground, and the shadow which hovers above him.

“He’s just a boy. What do you want with him?”

“What use would you have for him? He is just a boy.”

“Use? He’s not a tool, or a toy! He is a person!”

The attacker whirls his lightsaber tauntingly, “He has his grandfather’s blood in him. Someday he could become something great. But not like this; Not sniveling on the ground.”

“He could be something great. He will be. But not led by you. Go. Leave him alone.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Lightsabers draw, splash paint across the night, colors flash, sending shocks through him, and cracks of sound through the air and ground.

Ben looks away.

Thunder and light in the middle of the night, the villain may have fallen, but the child is caught in the middle—between the fire, and the shadows it casts on the wall—

And they die.

And in the moment he dies Ben realizes just how alive he is.

Light from the stars—which they promise he will travel to, someday—pools on the floor of his bedroom, dripping from the window, crawling through the dark to the child.

There is nothing more in the room but cloth and metal; pillows and toys, empty and unliving. The world is silent. But the noise of the dream still fills his head. Tells him, though he knows not what something is in the room with him. Telling him, no mater why, he must feel uneasy, even now that he is safe.

And there is nothing more unsettling than a silent room to a noisy mind.

So, with hyperventilating heart, Ben sits up in the quiet.

He does not, however, rest within the emptiness.

He tries not to shiver.

He fails.

He tries to close his eyes, to shut it all out.

It only makes his mind louder.

There’s nothing here. I’m alone. I’m alone. Comes the first chorus.

I’m so very alone. I’m all alone, just like that thing said, and no one will save me—! Is the refrain.

He tries to tell himself the darkness is not reaching out at him.

He fails.

As he moves to flee from his nightmares.

Something moves on the shelf.

And he runs.

“Mommy! Daddy!” he cries, attempting to knock down the door to their bedroom with feeble hands, but ends up sliding down it, falling to the floor in a heap of tears.

It’s only a moment before light extends its hands in friendly greeting from the bottom of the door. Footsteps, and the door opens to reveal the worried and sleepy face of his mother, brown hair falling about her waist.

“Ben?” she runs a hand over her tired expression, “What’s wrong?”

“I-I was—there was—Momma he was gonna kill me—!“ Ben heaves.

“Oh...You had a nightmare, didn’t you?” Leia kneels down before her son.

Han’s face appears in the doorway beside her.

His mother rubs her hand soothingly along her son’s back, crooning, “It’s alright.” She lifts him up in her arms, then runs her hands through his hair as he cries, “Shh…it’s alright. You’re going to be okay.”

“Yeah, it’s okay, Ben,” Han tries to comfort. She sits on the bed, placing him on her lap. He leans his head onto her chest, continuing to cry, as Han joins them. “It was just a bad dream.”

It takes a moment before Ben is able to whimper through the sobs, looking at his dad through the wind and fire,

“H-He told me y-you wouldn’t be there…he said you couldn’t save me…”

“What?” Han sits down next to him, “Who told you that?” he laughs a little, “Who does he think he is, ‘can’t save you’?” he scoffs, “You think this asshole”—Leia gave him a reproving look—“er, jerk, would be able to take on the fastest pilot in the galaxy? I bet he’d take one look at me and piss his pants. You really think your cunning, genius, incredibly handsome dad can’t save you?”

Leia rolls her eyes. Ben almost smiles.

Han smiles back. “That’s not true, son. That’s just not true. I’ll be there; I’ll always be right here.” He cups his son’s cheek.

“Y-You promise?” Ben asks, sniffling, tear-stained eyes bright and yearning.

“Yeah. Sure. Of course. Of course I promise.”

Ben tries to smile but sorrow is so strong in him—as though it’s trying to penetrate his soul and claim it for its own forever after.

Ben’s mind races, unfinished images falling like rain inside his head. They pool on the dual pathways that lead to Woods of Fear, and the Town called Love, and trickle down into the deepest parts of his soul.

“You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart, you’re gonna be just fine.” Leia smiles, trying to find the antidote the poison of the dream, “When I was little, I used to have all sorts of dreams.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I used to have these dreams about my mother and father all the time. Some of them were nice, but… there were others that scared me.”

“I didn’t know that.” Han spoke.

“Just be thankful you have a mother and father to run to,” she twisted a strand of hair in around her fingers, “not everyone is so lucky.”

“But you’ll always be there for me, right? You’ll protect me?”

“Of course,” she kissed his head.

But our nightmares never go away. Not really. Not completely. Not when they’re real/from the force)…

They say the war’s over, but, in him, it feels like it’s just beginning.

And it is.

Legacy. It always sounds so hopeful to those leaving it. The promise of a better world. But to a child who is this legacy…it becomes quite the toll on the bridge of life. And Ben had this burden worst of all; An uncle who persisted in the light, whose legacy was stars and starships, and saving the galaxy, who made heroism look so easy. A mother whose legacy was kingdoms, republics, who was a princess, though not one in some tower waiting to be rescued. And a father whose legacy was never giving up, always smuggling something, who never checked twice, and always shot first. And a grandfather whose legacy was empires, and black-strewn halls and masks, and bloodstained names, strong with the force, which attuned his heart to darkest parts of it. The blood of all of them spilled beneath his skin, running a race in his veins, pulling him in different directions. And the name of an old hermit whose legacy was the knights and the chivalry of an old forgotten world. He knows not which voice is the tempter and which is the voice calling him home.

All these conflicting legacies, so much pressure to stay in the light, and one single string of dark, there like a rope rescuing him from a cave he’s fallen into, and the expectation that he’ll live up to them all somehow…What can be left in and of him but war?

Peace is not as simple as it seems. Peace is often harder, because while peace is easy to shatter into war, it’s nearly impossible to pick up the pieces of war and put them back together as peace again. There are always little wars in the cracks. It’s unfortunate that he was born on one of those cracks.

If only he hadn’t grown up. Every child stops idealizing their parents at some point. If only it weren’t those words from the dream that echoed in his head, if only they hadn’t started to sound more and more true, until they were the only thing he believed in.

If only he had realized he didn’t have to choose just one. Just one side, just one legacy. And just part of one. If only he realized that he didn’t have to choose between being the hero, the prince, the rascal, the master, and the lord. That he could be them all at once.

And if only the light hadn’t given in to that single moment of fear, proving everything said in his dreams right.

Maybe he’d still be Ben.