#she wasnt a real person... she doesnt look like anyone i know but she was SO REAL and the feelings i had were SO REAL

[alstroemerian-dragon]

chiaki is such a good and interesting character. wish she was in a better game

[miley1442111]

Heyyyy are you still requests?? If yes..................

Last night i relived a painful memory when a loved person told me to shut up in front of our friend group and it was so humiliating and overwhelming, i went dead silent for the rest of the month but still played cool with everyone and everyone knew i was destroyed, wasnt leaving home that much yet and the person who told me to shut up was going trough some shit (ON THAT DAY) and actually never apologized...

SO SORRY FOR THE VENT BUT IT WAS NECESSARY FOR THE PLOT I SWEAR.

What if the reader is the one being told to shut up by none other than RAFE CAMERON who is a very close friend and he told the reader to shut up out loud in the middle of a party in front of your friend group (Kelce and Topper) and the reader also play it cool but it collapse at themself like a dying star and all their light is sucked by the black hole it became. But unlike real life, Rafe doesnt need people telling him he fucked up and he felt terrible and a few weeks later he sees reader on a party, unusually quiet, being dragged by their friends around trying to cheer reader up and the reader still trying to play it cool but the damage was showing and maybe Rafe take the chance to approach you but he doesnt know what to say or what to do so he acts like nothing happened?? IM SORRY THIS IS SO CONFUNSING I JUST WOKE UP AND I HAD TO WRITE THAT BEFORE THE MEMORY FADED. Sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable, just ignore it if you didn like ittt!! I love your writting btw i'll never forget that one ask i did and you answered about Rafe choosing between reader and a lover!!!!

and ask 2:

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talking too much- r.cameron

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a/n: HELLO to the both of you! thank you two so much for requesting, and very sorry that this happened to you :( I'd let you talk my ear off about anything any time :) (ps, great song choice)

pairing: rafe cameron x fem! reader

summary: i suggest you look at the requests

warnings: reader kind of loses her spark, rafe is a confused and stressed asshole, reader becomes very insecure, feelings of not being good enough, rafe gets very stressed at the end (i think that's it?)

not entirely proofread

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It was finally nearing the end of June and you were planning your 4th of July party with your friends. Topper, Kelce, Rafe, you, Sarah, and a few of your other friends sat around the table, thinking up ideas for what parties to drop into, and what you were going to wear, etc. You were excited, that was no crime. You’d always been the most excitable in the group, it was just part of your bubbly personality, there was no issue with it. No one had ever been more than a little irritated with it before, no big deal. You’d just apologise and remember to tone it down for those people, but your closest friends weren’t those people. Your closest friends liked your personality, your closest friends liked you. It didn’t matter how loud you were. 

“And then I guess we’ll-”

“God, do you ever shut the fuck up?” Rafe cursed.

The room went silent. You stood still, frozen as people’s eyes turned to you. Sarah offered a look of sympathy, she knew how much you valued Rafe’s opinion, especially since you had a slight crush on him. You felt yourself recoil. How could he be so rude? All you were doing was giving ideas to the group, it’s not like anyone else was trying to speak much, and Rafe definitely wasn’t adding to the conversation. At least, he hadn’t been for the past hour, just sitting in the corner with his leg bouncing and that stupid vein protruding from his stupid neck. You slumped back in your chair, embarrassment filling your mind as you thought over every other interaction with him and the group. Were you annoying? Did they all actually hate you? 

“I don’t hear you talking much Rafe,” Sarah shot back. “Something to say?”

Rafe rolled his eyes. “Fuck off Sarah,” he scoffed and waited for you to bounce back and start speaking again. You didn’t. He looked up as the group started speaking again, going off of all the plans you’d started. You were just sitting there, on your phone. 

You just waited until someone actually asked you a question to give your input, and even then all you said was; “Sounds good.”

He’d fucked up. Big time. 

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It had been a week since ‘the incident’, and Rafe hadn’t seen you. He felt awful, absolutely disgraced after what he’d said. He was stressed, it was a bad moment, and he took it out on you. He was sorry. But how was he supposed to tell you that? How was he supposed to explain how sorry he was, explain that he was just stressed? How would you believe him? You two had never been the closest in the friend group, not to say you two didn’t speak, but you two weren’t exactly attached at the hip like you were with Sarah, or Kelce. All you’d ever been to him was nice, not something he was sure he deserved, but he appreciated it all the same. 

How could he get back to that?

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“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Sarah begged over the phone. 

“I’m tired, I was working all day-”

“Come on, you’ve been dodging all week! 4th of July is coming up, I don’t want to hang out with Kelce and Top without you,” she whined, 

“I’ll be there for the 4th, I’m just busy right now,” you sighed. “I promise I’m ok,” you lied. 

“If you’re staying home because of what Rafe said, I’ll kill him,” she swore. 

“I don’t give a shit about what Rafe said,” lie. “I’m just busy, promise.”

Sarah sighed. “Alright, see you on the 4th!”

And with that, you hung up. The last week had been one long pity-party that made you feel even worse about yourself, deciding that your friends were better off without you, especially when you can’t even bounce back from one tiny insignificant comment from one random guy. That’s what you thought anyway. But now, you had 3 days before the 4th, and you weren’t sure how you were going to get the courage to face any of them. 

Not that they hadn’t reached out. Everyone who was there (aside from Rafe) had called or texted to ask if you were ok, and apologised for not saying anything. Kelce had felt the worst, since he was supposed to be your best friend, and he hadn’t said anything. You brushed them off, promising them it was fine, promising them you were fine. They barely believed you, but you somehow convinced them that you were busy. You told half of them that you were packing for your move, and the other half that you had gotten a job at your mom’s company. I mean, technically you were a few weeks out from moving away and you should be packing, and technically you did just get a job at your moms’ company (managing the online presence and doing admin work), but really both those jobs were easy. You could’ve done them for a few hours, then seen your friends. But you didn't want to. You didn’t want to feel like a burden. 

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The day of the 4th rolled around and Sarah picked you up with all the girls in the group in her car. You looked gorgeous in your short red dress, at least that’s what Sarah told you. You kept your mouth shut as the girls gossiped and sang along to songs, only interjecting when truly necessary. When you got to the beach, you managed to break away from the girls and get a drink, standing alone as you watched the night go by. You liked people watching, you found it interesting to see the small micro-expressions on peoples faces, the snippets of their conversations, and everything in between. 

“Hi,” Rafe smiled softly. He was in front of you, blocking your view of the people you were looking at. 

“Hi,” you answered meekly. 

He stood there for a moment as you tried to look over his shoulder, but the group were gone. You sighed in defeat and turned around to pour yourself another drink. 

“How are you?” he asked. 

“Fine thanks,” you answered. “You?”

“Good, fine… yeah,” the awkwardness in his voice almost made you physically cringe. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“It’s been like a week?” you questioned. In the past week, Rafe had realised how much he missed you, and how much you added to the group. He missed how you brightened up everyone, how you kept the peace by being close with almost everyone, how you made him laugh. 

“What have you been up to?” He scratched the back of his neck, his nerves almost getting the better of him, almost making him turn around and not do this. Almost.

“Not much. Working, packing, usual stuff,” you shrugged. 

Rafe’s expression faltered. “Packing?”

“I’m moving in a few weeks,” you explained. “So you won't see me for a while.”

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. 

Absolutely not. 

Rafe felt his stomach sink. “Why?”

“‘Why’ what Rafe?” you asked, genuinely confused. Why, out of all people, would he care?

“Where?”

“Just main-land, but a bit further into the city so I’m moving schools,” you shrugged.

“But it’s our senior year?”

“Yeah? And?”

“We all said we’d do it together, remember?”

“It wasn’t my choice to move,” you scoffed. “And also, why are you acting like this is new information? Tonight is my ‘last hurrah’ get-together. We’re doing the stupid sleepover.”

“W-what?”

“We didn’t invite you,” Sarah butted in. “You were a dick, now you reap the consequences.”

You rolled your eyes at the shocked look on Rafe’s face. “Night Rafe, see you around.”

Rafe stood frozen as you walked away, shocked. Had he really not been listening for so long? Had he really missed that? You were moving, you were gone. And there was nothing he could do about it. 

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obx masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, obx, the bear, marvel, top gun, the hunger games, challengers :)

[the-s1lly-corner]

hello hello I hope you're having a wonderful day/night! Request for TADC!!

Okay so jax x bunny y/n? what if y/n was like lola bunny?? I really don't know how to describe her personally so I would base it of like the one from space jam 1? Like the first movie?? (IF yk what I mean😭) And I imaged if y/n was called doll/toots/ect by jax or anyone (like how bugs bunny did to lola in that one sence) she would get the most heaviest thing near them and throw it at jax or like punch him or something!! 😭😭

THATS ALL I COULD IMAGE BUT HAVE FUN WITH THIS IDEA!!😌

Jax x Bunny!reader

Imma admit I'm mostly going off what I heard ab Lola's original personality as well as this ask; typically I would do a quick look over in a fandom wiki (not always reliable, I know) but my eyes feel like they're full of soup (it's getting late 😭😭)

Writing this on mobile! So typos and mistakes are likely to be more.. dudjdkf??

This one is more platonic/neutral since I wasnt entirely sure how to make this romantic! Sorry if that's what you wanted ^^;

This was originally gonna be longer but I'm eepy and tumblr (on mobile) wont let me save half answered asks in my drafts 😭😭

Honestly he LOOOOOVES teasing you and calling you those endearing names, even before you two foster a relationship, if at all (romantic or otherwise)

He thinks your reaction is funny and more often than not he can dodge whatever it is you toss his way (I mean, did you SEE how fast he ran in the pilot?)

Doesnt feel much in regards to you also being a bunny, since he knows it's not your guys' actual.. real bodies, so why would he feel anything about it...?

Actually... he might use that as ammo for teasing you...

"We're like a match made in heaven!" *side steps a flying book shelf*

He uses the names you mentioned in the request but I feel like he would also get very creative/sickeningly sweet with them to further annoy you

"Schnookums" "my pookie wookie bear" "my sweetheart with whipped cream and sztra sprinkles on top", progressively gets more obnoxious

Stuff like that !!

I just imagine you running after him, throwing things at him while he just has this smug look on his face

[error-intheraine]

Agatha All Along

Ep 5, Oct 10 2024:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOLY SHIT WE WERE RIGHT HE IS WANDAS KID THE SIGIL BEING MESSY TO PROTECT HIS IDENTITY ‘we don’t like to say her name’ AND THEN HES SO MAD THEY JUST WANT POWER AND THEN HE MIND CONTROLS THEM AND THE CROWN GROWS ON HIS HEAD JUST LIKE IN WANDAVISION W/ WANDA AND ALSO ‘a lot happened to me at 13 too’ AGATHA WAS UNDER WANDAS CONTROL FOR 3 YEARS SO BILLY WOULD BE 17 AND HE IS AND WHEN HE WAS 13 THATS WHEN WANDA AND VISION DIED AND WESTVIEW WAS UN MIND CONTROLLED AND I THOUGHT HE DISAPEERED IF HE’S ALIVE IS WANDA ALIVE OR DID HE COME FROM A DIFFERENT MULTIVERSE TO FILL JN A SPOT IDK I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD IS TOMMY DEAD TOO??? IF TOMMYS THERE WILL THEY BECOME A DUO IS HE GONNA KILL ANYONE ELSE CAISE THE IMLY ONE WHO WAS REALLY NICE TO HIM WAS ALICE W/ THE BROOMS AND ‘you know, I miss the eyeliner, but the hair’s kinda cute’ AND HE WAS THERE FOR HER FLASHBACK AND SHE JUST GOT OVER HER GENERATIONAL CURSE AND IS RECOVERING FROM HER TRAUMA AND THEN SHE TRIED SAVING AGATHA AND AGATHA KILLED HER AND THEN THE END BEING ‘YOU SHOULD SEE ME IN A CROWN’ THAT SLAPPED SO HARD I LITERALLY ALMOST SCREAMED HOLY SUOT AND THE PARALLELS AND VISION IS GETTING HIS OWN SHOW WILL BILLY AND/OR TOMMY BE IN THAT WILL THE FULLY WHITE VIS BE IN THIS AND LIKE PULL BILLY OFF THE EDGE OF DESTRUCTION? IF RIO IS DEATH THEN WILL BILLY FORCE HER TO LEAD HIM THERE TO GET ALICE AND THEN FIND TOMMY VIS AND WANDA WOULD VIS EVEN BE THERE BECAUSE HES AI BUT ALSO HE IS A PERSON AND HE CAN DIE BUT WOULD HE BE IN THE SAME PLACE WILL WE GEG TO SEE MORE OF HIS BOYFRIEND WILL IT BE A WANDAVISION SITUATION WHERE HE’L TRY HIDING IT FROM HIS BF AND WONT WORK OR WILL HIS BF BE LIKE A CAHRCATER (I don’t think so cause gay and marvel) ALSO ‘an agent of Mephisto’ WHO IS FROM THE MARVEL UNIVERSE BASED ON GREEK MYTHS IF NORSE MYTHOLOGY IS REAL THE. GREEK MYTHOLOGY ORPHEUS???

OK LIKE 15 min LATER LOOKED ONLINE YEAH SO BILLY MOGHT NOT BE 616 BILLY SO MAYBE THATS WHY HE CANT TLAK AND LIKE AND THIRTEEN HE GOT TRANSPORTED AND HIS HAIR TURNED BLACK OR SOME SHIT AND ALSO THE REASON HE KEEPS FINDING THE CLUES

A. Already walked the witches road in a different universe/multiverse (not 616)

B. The gatherer of the coven walks the road, he gathered the coven it was never Agatha’s it was his

ALSO WHY WAS AGATHA PROTECTING HIM MAYBE SHE THOUGHT HE WAS HERS UNTIL RIO AND THEN SHE REALISED HE WAS WANDAS AND WAS LIKE OH SHIT THAT MAKES SENSE ALSO DOES TEEN KNOW HIS MOM IS WANDA HOW LONG HAS HE KNOWN WTF I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TI WAIT ANOTHER FUCKING WEEK ALSO THE FINALE IS DEF COMING OUT ON HALLOWEEN ALSO WHAT IF WANDA IS AT THE END OF THE ROAD AND NOT DEAD J DINT THINK BILLY KNEW HIS MOM CAUSE AGATHA TRIED KILLING HIM AND BIS MOM SO LIKE YEAH

OK MEW THEORY FROM TWT HOMY SHIT WHAG IF THE WHOLE EPISODE WAS A VISION BECAUSE IN EVERY EP LILIA BLURTED OUT A VUSION AND SHE DIDNT THIS TIME PROBABLY BECAUSE WE WERE IN HER VISION ALSO SVERYINE WAS WEIRDLY OOC AND STRAIGHTFORWARD MAYBE IT DIDNT HAPPEN YET AND LIKE MAYBE BEGINNING WAS BUT I THINK GATAHAS TRIAL BEING THE SHORTEST IS DUMB SHE WOULD FAVE SO MUCH MORE AND MAYBE HER WORST FEAR IS HER MOM IDK TRAUMA BUT LIKE WHAT IF IT WAS A VISION THAT WOULD BE FUCKING CRAZY HAHA WHAT IF RIO WAS THE ONLY ONE IN CHARACTER THEY ALL TURNED ON AGATHA SO FAST MAYBE THE VISION CUT OUT FLUFF WHICH IS WHY ITS SO SHORT OR MAYBE TEEN WAS MANIPULATING EVERYONE OR LILIAS VISION OF THE WORST OUTCOME OF THE ROAD ‘save Agatha’ , Alice, don’t’ SO LILIA CAN STOP THEM FROM HAVING ALIVE DIE SAVING AGATHA AND BILLY DOESNT KILL EVERYONE ALSO WHAT IF IT WAS ACTUALLY TEENS TRIAL BECAUSE 80’s SLEEPOVER HES WEARING SAME KIND OF T SHIRT AS HE DID IN WANDAVISION AND WNADVISOON HE WAS AGED UP IN THE 80’s EPISODE AND LIKE THIRTEEN AND MAYBE HEA EVIL AND MANIPULATED EVERYONE INTO THINKING IT WAS AGATHAS FAULT SO THATS WHY BUT HE WIULDNT KILL ALICE MAYBE THAT WASNT PLANNED BUT LIKE THE DOOR ONLY OPENED WHEN HE SAID NICHOLAS SCRATCH FSR WTF

TWT IS MAKING ME CARZY WHAT IF BILLY WAS CONTROLLING IT THE WHOLE TIME SO THATS WHY TRIALS ONLY START WHEN HE DOES SOMETHING AND WHY HE WAS ABLE TO GET AGATHA OUT OF HIS MOMS SPELL AND WHY THE KIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE ROAD WAS BLUE LIEK AAAAAAH AND HES THE FIRTS ONE INTO THE ROAD AND THE DOOR ONLY OPENED WHEN HE RAN DOWN MAYBE THE NEXT EPISODE WILL HAVE A DIFFERENT TITLE

ALSO LIKE BILLY CONTROLLING THEM THE WIO TIME BUT THIS EPISODE THE ONLY PERSON WHO TREATED HIM AS AN EQUAL (Alice) DIED SO HE JUST WENT FUCKING INSANE AND FERAL

[kingcunny]

Both Viserys and Rhaenys ended up with likenesses carved after deaths but they feel wildly contrasting to me.

Viserys's is huge, grand, a part of long line. It's done out of tradition, it's putting forward an idea of a legacy and a new name of "Viserys the Peaceful" - it's not even representative of Viserys during the majority of his reign as he's healthy. It's done because it has to be done.

Whereas Rhaenys's is smaller but freer. She will travel, as part of that ship. She will lead. It's also connected to the real woman, more, even having a name she had in life, and looking how she looked in death, with her armour. It's done not because it HAS to be, but out of love.

What are your thoughts, if any?

this isnt really related to what you said but its something ive been thinking about so im gonna use this as a jumping off point.

but i think its really interesting that viserys statue has his valyria model in it, because it was such a private, personal thing. its not something anyone who didnt know him personally knows about. his statue makes him look like he was a city builder, but he wasnt. he wasnt anything. he just coasted on his grandfathers goodwill. but its trying to give him something, some legacy. i dont think it hit me until now that he was never called ‘the peaceful’ in life. thats really only a name you can earn in death

ive also questioned who commissioned the viserys statue (otto, certainly) and just like the idea that viserys statue was created as a form of legitimacy, a claim to power. just like everything else otto and alicent have done to set aegon up for the throne. but the inclusion of the valyria model feels so intimate to me, wondering if this was when otto first started to realize he missed viserys…

i actually dont remember rhaenys figurehead so i had to go back and rewatch that. and like you said i love that shes free, shell travel, able to lead in a way she wasnt ever given in life. the ship will carry on her name. her statue was made out of love and honor, dedicated to the life of a woman who was loved. verus viserys statue being made due to tradition, dedicated to his death, forever chained in the throne room- the thing that killed him. it doesnt honor his life and legacy like rhaenys does, it tries to create a new one…

[mchib]

I need some Rize and Shuu friendship headcanons!

thank u anon!

i want to say ive never written a fanfic or anything of the sort so im not experienced in that field of writing but i do like do do character analasys and like headcanoning things so feel free to share any opposing views!!

first and foremost i feel like they have a common character flaw that they expect nothing less of an extravagant lifestyle even though both of them attempt to uphold and fulfil this different ways i feel like they would find great company in like luxurious or over the top things and they could perhaps be one of the only people that dont harbor distaste or skeptical feelings towards each other upon learning of the others hobbies. they also have certain tastes and are both picky eaters in their own ways so i imagine a lot of discussions would be had about what characteristics make someone more tasty. that being said i think shuu would continuingly tell rize that shes way too messy and she should invest in self control or at least be more private about her eating habits lolol.

i also feel like they would find solace in each others company talking about like art and philosophy although i imagine shuu already had more than enough people to rant to i think that rize would definitely genuinely listen and engage. if they fought or had a disagreement i imagine one of them being stuck head first in a concrete wall and then shuu would refuse to to her for like a day and call her a barbaric hoodlum behind her back but no real feelings or resentment would comply. i feel like a normal person having a conversation with any of the two would somehow contain an interference of something along the lines of 'woah woah woah you cant say that man thats too far' because they both make pretty morbid jokes but if it were just the two i feel like they would feel as though they could freely speak their mind without anyone wondering how they were raised or what set of events led to such absurd jokes being recited in such grim circumstances.

i feel like shuu would feel sort of be offended meeting rize upon hearing that her insides were used to turn kaneki half ghoul as even when kaneki loses all sanity his and rize's personalities are not compatible in the slightest, and so before learning to get over it he would feel kind of awkward around her because he wants to be mad at her but he knows it wasnt her fault at the same time so hes trying to be civil about it. meanwhile she would think of him as an antisocial snob and try to brag to him about how she made something of herself without being spoon-fed and is able to manage her giant appetite while on the run from the ccg and ghouls alike.

when shuu is like in his terminally ill granny state i feel like she would stay by his side but also be discouraging saying stuff like 'men should suffer in silence' and 'a public execution would be more appealing'. i feel like when they go out together shuu would try really hard to convince her to clean up so they can look fresh as hell and go fancy places but rize always ends up consuming some random homeless guy on the street. rize gives off 'i want to be with the bourgeoiseses' vibes but when they come around she just doesnt want to put in the effort. 'just kick reason to the curb and come with me!' (can you tell i do lyric analasys).

i feel like rize would like use shuu's rich people resources to make stuff like lets pose a hypothetical that ghouls could eat cookies. rize would use shuu's kitchen and ingredients to make the most foul tasting cookies and then put a sticky note on them telling shuu not to touch. then he flips out. rize is also very not used to not having to do dishes or anything in his household so she feels weird about being emptyhanded while others make the food. she'll be trying to hide her pleasure with being treated with such luxury but you can definitely see her grinning at the dinner table. we know she has table etiquette from her and kaneki's date but whats to stop her from completely disregarding all manners when shes in the presence of ghouls? i feel like she'd be kinda gross the first few times over cuz men aint shit but she kind of grows into being at least presentable at dinner.

when they r in the car shuu wants to be passanger princess but he doesnt trust rize behind the wheel. hes not the hero we deserve, but hes all we have right now. irrelevant but if rize was driving she'd like crash on the highway for fun or something. she has a fake license that says something like risse kaminishi from district 12

ok thats all i can think of rn & sorry if i mischaracterized shuu im not nearly as much of an expert on his character but i do enjoy him a lot

[desire-mona]

randomly assigning house md characters internet moments / videos / memories / whatever i remember based off nothing at all (i did i dps version too) (also links for everything i talk about will be provided) (also also this isnt made to make fun of anyone involved in any of this)

house - mr beast and his OLD OLD youtube videos, like circa 2015? i think? he used to make cringe compilations essentially where he just made fun of kids' youtube intros. face and all like nothing was blurred for privacy, and then he'd call them cringe and make drinking bleach jokes. like a LOT. i binge watched those back in like 4th grade i think? maybe 5th? so thats kinda all i associate him with now. he also made videos where he would say a word like a thousand times, sometimes WAY more (like 100k+). or like. count to that number, he did both. anyway rip house you wouldve loved making fun of kids' youtube videos

wilson - does anyone remember the evian baby commercials? i think the whole shtick was like "this water makes you feel young again" I THINK? the one i linked was the one where the reflection on a building makes ppl babies, but theres one where babies are on roller skates or whatever too. this isnt entirely an internet moment as much as it is just a memory, cuz i remember my mom and my aunt DYING laughing at these commercials. idk what it was they were just in tears. theres something so 2007-2015 about dancing babies. wasnt a dancing baby the first internet meme? just googled it and yes it was.

cuddy - onision's shitty spoken word songs PLEASE tell me someone remembers them. onision really shouldve stopped trying to make music after the banana song bc the rest really suck shit. this is NOT based on vibes i gotta get that out there, i was like hmm cuddy has a kid. you know who else has a kid? YOU KNOW WHO LET THEIR KID FALL OUT OF A WINDOW? cuddy would fucking HATE onision. ALSO OH MY GOD PAUSE EVERYTHING ONISION JUST UPLOADED A SONG. I NEED TO MAKE A SEPERATE POST ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW WHAT THE HELL. anyway dont watch it. i linked strange æon's video on his music just bc i really dont wanna direct u to anything of his directly. did u know i dont like onision?

foreman - the most insane youtube poop ive ever seen in all of my 19 years of living, i sent this to maddie specifically when i made my initial "like for a rando internet moment!" post but i really need to share it with the general public. general warning for youtube poop-ness; flash, loud noises, overwhelming, etc. i am actually begging you to watch this because it tops every other ytp ive ever seen, like actually blows it out of the water. i also has no idea ppl still made ytps after 2014 tbh.... btw this is probably the only ytp that i'll ever recommend LMAO

chase - OH MY GOD KYLERLOVESJESUS. so basically this one eboy influencer type on tiktok back in 2019 Found God and went on rants about how abortion is wrong and gay marriage is bad and blah blah blah. there was this moment on one of his lives where he went "i love gay people, i would be best friends with a gay person. do i support it? no." which was the FUNNIEST shit back in the day. i would quote it on the daily. btw the editing of the video i linked is VERY of the time so beware LMAO

cameron - cutie the kitten (sans' wife and gf) + the killing videos sans fan girls would make. i actually cant link anything bc the channel doesnt exist anymore but! basically back in 2016ish there was this one girl who had such a crush on sans and she had a whole ocxcanon situation with sans and her pink cat oc Cutie. a lot of ppl hated her + the ppl who had ocs shipped with sans but looking back its truly not a big deal. what is a big deal is that she (? maybe?) and other sans fangirls would make animated slideshow videos of their ocs using powers or whatever to kill other sans fangirls. like brutally. it was a wild time i wish cutie's channel was still up so i could prove thats a real thing, but ask an undertale fan from back then and odds are theyll know. heres a sans fangirl cringe compilation so you kinda know what im talking about, but fair warning it is a cringe compilation so. it wont be nice.

thirteen - TW INCEST!! this one hamilton animatic i saw back in forever ago to the song 'helpless'. usually animatics to that song use eliza and hamilton (im not a hamilton fan this is very surface lvl knowledge btw) but the one i saw was eliza and ANGELICA. like as in HER SISTER. big surprise someone in a big fandom ships incest wow I KNOW its tame compared to other shit, but it was i think my first exposure to anything like that circa 2017ish, so it kinda stuck in the brain. also the video i linked isnt the og its a phil collins mashup, the og got taken down. hamilton always makes an appearance in my house posts doesnt it, be lucky i didnt give kutner this one bc ppl were turn up abt hamilton fan kutner.

taub - WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABOUT MIKE AND MELISSA ⁉️⁉️ basically mike and melissa is this animated passion project this guy made to show himself (or his persona? or maybe just some guy) falling in love with his fursona that comes to life. this was the only episode this guy uploaded and i think he kinda disappeared after. the plot is kinda hard to follow and its not TERRIBLY animated but its certainly not professional looking. there's a video about what happened to him uploaded like 5 months ago, but i havent watched it. when i first heard of mike n melissa i fully thought it was a mid 2000s family sitcom but it definitely Is Not That.

kutner - undertale sans au christmas party comic dub. i probably dont need to give an explanation as to what sans aus are but idk how many ex or current undertale fans follow me so i'll do it anyway. making au's for undertale was a pretty common practice back in its early days, and usually the most popular character in any undertale variation is sans. who sans is shipped with was always up in the air, so much like the onceler, ppl ended up shipping sans with other au versions of himself. this christmas party comic is in my mind the undertale fandom equivalent of camp weehawken. i think there was also a sans au comic where all the sans' except for like 2 were toddlers at daycare? i dont remember who the adult sans' were but also i think the creator got into hot water? dont remember why.

[kylejsugarman]

syd you are destroying me over here. what the fuck. what would “down” look like in au squared? would jesse’s parents take baby when they kicked him out, or would he just be left to navigate his. Unstable housing situation with an infant daughter and no support? im like i dont even know which one i would prefer you to say… down in au squared universe just Does Not feel good thank you for bringing it to our attention :-(

(frolics around cutely while i make everything worse for everyone) "down" never feels good ever tbh, between walt hitting his ableism victory royale and jesse getting his shit absolutely rocked by fate, its a miracle any of us survive that episode. au squared jesse of course fights his parents tooth and nail about kicking him out since ginny left him the house, but as soon as his mom says that they'll be taking baby too since he's not responsible enough, he backs down and is like "fine take the house, take whatever u want, but baby's coming with me". he obviously doesnt want to be homeless, but being homeless and not having baby is more than he can bear. she tries to reason with him, then threatens to get the law involved (i imagine saul helps jesse secure full custody of baby in addition to helping him buy his parents' house in season 3 :) besties), but jesse doesnt budge and takes off with her and their essentials, only for his ride to get stolen while he's in the drug store buying formula. they'd probably end up spending the night in the impounded rv (no blue tho. if i can spare my guy one suffering, it'll be the blue) with him genuinely not knowing if its Worth It anymore because hes literally laying in a mobile meth lab next to his crying baby who's too upset for her nighttime feeding, unable to provide for her but also unable to let her go. it feels so awful and selfish: she deserves better but he doesnt trust anyone to give her that. he breaks the rv out of the impound the next day the second clovis threatens them and drives straight to walt's place to get his money, riled up from walt ignoring his calls and clovis fucking threatening him in front of his infant daughter. "down" of course is a parade of walt being a dickhead because skyler has totally stopped buying his shit, so when jesse pulls up in person to beg for the money, walt snaps at him and tells him that jesse wouldn't even be in this situation if he were more responsible and that a real father would have found a way to provide for his child, which is not only vile but the fucking Wrong Thing to say to jesse after the last 24 hours. this is what provokes their fist fight and walt finally hands over the money, then tries to make some "look. we're both in this for family. we have to work together" comment to amend things as if he wasnt just yelling at his own son for using the car pedals wrong. having the money and getting out some of his rage and misery by pounding walt makes jesse feel better, but more than that, it gives him this adrenaline rush in terms of being a dad. sure it was a fucking nightmare, but he did all of that for his baby and he won. he fought to provide for her and he did. he didn't give in and just hand her over to his parents like she was some stranger that just happened to live in his house: he kept baby, he protected her through a disaster, and now he's never going to let her go. as he gets them a motel room for temporary housing with his cash and goes buck wild in the infant section at walmart and ends the day watching a happy, fed, clean baby play with her new stacking rings, jesse thinks about what walt said and feels a bitter kind of pride. "a real father would've found a way to provide for his child." well he did. he's baby's father and he's going to provide for her.

[sunnynoki]

We don’t talk a lot - We haven’t talked in probably about a year or so now, since I left the fandom space we met in. I’ve changed usernames since then - I went by Wheat on discord. Sorry I’ve been so distant. I never knew how to talk to you since it’s been a while.

Even still, I want to tell you that you were important to me, and still are. I wish we could talk more. I want to talk about your new interests. What are you into these days? I’ve been getting into some older games these days, but I’ve been missing pokemon a bit. I want to get back into it. Do you still draw Sky? I never asked you about them with as much detail as I wanted to. I was always worried about being too intrusive, but I regret that now. Your OCs are really imaginative. I know you’re into tensura now, right? Season 3 is coming out soon. I’m excited for that.

I want to get to know you again. I don’t know what happened with whatever you left behind, and I don’t know if this is a weird message to send, but you’re important to me and I want to let you know that you are. I wouldn’t be who I am if you weren’t there in the beginning. Thank you for being you.

i dont know how to talk either. every sentence i say either feels fake or self centered, selfish. and dont worry about being distant; it happens, especially when interests change. i dont blame you.

youre important to me too. i wish we could talk more. im not into much right now. i just feel empty. i gave up su/bmas, after everything. it was too much, not knowing who i could trust not to fucking ship them, or think its ok in any circumstance. yet sometimes i still crawl back to the tag, despite blocking it a while ago. i dont touch anything though, just look. it doesnt bring me joy anymore. i think im finally letting it go. i dont know how i feel about po/kemon yet. its kinda just. there. maybe im just feeling particularly apathetic right now.

i don't really draw anything right now. i dont know if i can go back. it was my only hobby, yet my therapist said that it wasnt enough, even when i was at my lowest. well, at the time. ive set a new low score at this point. i dont want to draw. i don't know what id draw. i dont think i can. my computer is kinda a no mans land at this point. i don't really touch it anymore. im glad you liked sky though. i never understood why she garnered so much attention. i could never write a good enough character for her. she was a mary sue in that way, with no real character flaws, let alone the... everything else. either way, like i said, im glad you liked her regardless. it means a lot. the attention i got because of her made me really happy.

like i said, im not really into anything right now, but i guess tensura would be regarded as an "interest." im... looking forward to season 3. i read one of the light novels thats going to be adapted a month or two back though, so i guess its gonna be a moment before i get to "new" content.

i dont know if theres anyone to get to know anymore. i was already in a depressive episode before this disaster, now i dont know if theres any going back, if theres any way to recover. it isnt a weird message to send, and its appreciated that you care for me but. im not sure if i can trust anyone again. im not sure if i can even trust myself. even in the aftermath, the people i thought i could trust either no longer talk to me or still interact with those who hurt me. i guess its selfish to ask them to cut off those friends too. but ive always been selfish. self centered. egotistical.

regardless, im glad i had some positive impact despite my mess of a personality. thank you for your words

[bonesandthebees]

phil:

- hes smart and good at what hes doing, I wouldnt be surprised if he got his position by skill not from his father

- he is the most powerful guy in the palace and he knows it but also knows he cant show it and has to nudge sam in the right direction not tell him what to do

- he knows how to play the court game, using servants and all, and also never shows all his cards (not asking sam about the announcement after he found out about it)

- its clear where his trust lies, techno, sneeg to a certain degree and wilbur (I believe he wasnt telling him everything so far just bc he was young and didnt need to know)

- techno is his bestie

- his goals are also pretty clear, at least thanks to what we know from wilburs pov

im sure he cares about the kingdom and advises sam well, his advice about choosing an heir made a lot of sense, but it was also a way to ensure that wilbur will know all the possible heirs and have his position more secure

now that theres a possible new heir, tommy has become a danger to this plan bc hes a latecomer to the party and its not sure if he would choose wil, were he to become the heir

niki:

- very close to wilbur

- smart and favoured by the people, studying and trying hard to get ready to possibly become a queen

- shes been trained well to survive in court, perfecting the art of keeping a straight face, saying appropriate stuff, knowing how to dress etc.

- she doubts it outloud but I have a feeling inside she knows about her solid chances of being chosen

- yes shes really nice, but im sure the wish to become queen from childhood still stays, she does want the power and I dont doubt she could go to great lengths to get the power

q:

- sounds like a smart ambitious fella

not sure why is he so sure about being chosen, but maybe thats just his personal delusion, that does sound like a c! quackity trait

- would like to see him become the king purely to see how he would wear his coif under the crown

sam:

- loves ponk and doesnt even try to hide it too much but also will never admit it

- in the prequel it seemed like he valued phils advice, but rn im not so sure

it looks like he wants to show phil hes the one with power or that he can also find a potential heir himself, phil mentioned he likes to experiment

but its also possible hes being so secretive about tommy for a completely different reason, hopefully well learn next chapter

there is so much we know already about them after only one chapter its crazy when you actually realise

-

ive just realised the very real probability of tommy forming relationships with techno and phil, its still sbi fic after all, and there are so many possibilities I cant wait to see it play out

well now I go read others' asks while I buzz with excitement about both rose and glass

2/2

oh yeah phil didn't get his position from his father! he became the consil all on his own merit. that's something you'll learn more about later on :)

the thing is is that phil is smart. he is cautious and knows when not to overplay his hand, and he also understands what moves need to be taken to progress the game. he knows his power and wants wilbur to have that as well.

niki is definitely the favored and expected heir. in a way, this is more her birthright than anyone else's. she's trained for this her entire life, and even if she has her doubts, she wants to believe that she's the best choice for the role. and the desire for power is there. it's been there since she was a little girl.

LMAOOO that's the real question here, how would quackity wear the coif under the crown. alternate universe where quackity realizes that he'd have to take the coif off if he ever became king and immediately decides he doesn't want it

(he is extremely clever and ambitious though. he knows what he wants and he is going to find a way to get it)

sam definitely still values phil's advice, but he's having a sort of... mid life crisis of sorts where he's realizing just how much of his rule has been dependent on phil. he's trying things out for himself, but he's not really sure what the long term effects can be. it's very dumb of him, in all honesty.

so excited for you guys to see how this all plays out :)

[imaginespazzi]

And we're back Bestie! Thanks for the patience while I recovered & got caught up w life.. I figured there wasnt much sense in providing a semi-coherent ask ha.

Ok so: First, it will make sense after reading but I so wish I could provide some pics for you via anon..

Went to the Sunday game. I didnt even ask to know in advance, but by chance the group/person that took responsibility for tickets to the game got seats a handful of rows up from behind the Dallas bench. I was just in disbelief w that given our jokes on the blog here. Our dear Lou is just so damn cute in person. And by every indication from that afternoon, an incredible teammate. Shes constantly supportive, super engaged, and you can tell things will come together for her before long on the court. Her being such a lovely professional didnt help lessen any appeal! 😣 Anywhooo it would be generous to say shot my shot Im afraid - but as luck would have it, there was a moment where she did a little happy dance spin around to the crowd when celebrating a teammates made 3 pointer (they led at this time) and ended up having genuine eye contact and a small smile back with me. So guess we can say there remains some small hope afloat for LouTea? Or at least argue that it wasnt an absolute failure by me on your behalf lol! My shy, yet somehow also overly confident self (maybe a certain attitude tends to come w being 5'2"?) will take it 🙈

So sitting where we did, actually found ourselves not far from Jacy Sheldons family who were at the game! Seemed nice, pretty quiet during the action. As a College WBB follower that was just kinda wild to me. And there was one other woman (maybe one more in the group) seemingly around Jacy's age w the fam in a custom top w her name, but I didnt recognize at a quick look. Dont think they were former teammate(s) though, so curious who they mightve been? Dont know much about JS off the court. Last but not least, a little down from me, I kid you not there was a woman wearing a VT Kitley jersey. I could only die laughing internally to myself, thinking of sharing this later. Not the most implausible place/location to see one tbf, but we honestly cant escape the OG lore!

Anyways the event was a great time all around. Highly recommend a WNBA game to anyone ofc. I was happy to see a Mystics win (and an interesting game) since Im usually bad luck for my/home pro teams in person.

Actually P.S. Li has such a cool vibe! Very sad to not get to watch her play but gives a fun, animated energy from the bench, to her credit. Easy to see why shes so well liked. And I dont know if you happened to see Shakira Austin that day, but holy hell. She is so tall and so stunning it blows the mind in real life. And while Kira is actually single (perhaps a nice fyi for some of you), I should be clear, Lou doesnt need to worry at all about competition. Theres no way little, sweet me would ever dare to handle a 6'5" woman with such a crazy side 😅 said with complete and total affection for her

Ok I should stop. 🫶

-☕️

Ahh unfortunately you can't send pic on anon. You can dm them to me if you'd like but it's totally fair if you wanna just stay an anon, I'mma just imagine the pics!

DAMN bestie I'm jealous of those seats but I'm so happy for you and so happy you got to see Lou so close! Awww I knew Lou was a sweetheart but I love hearing that for you. OMG DO I SENSE A MEET CUTE? She was dancing and then your eyes met? Personally I think that's a sign! I'M STARTING BRIDESMAIDS DRESS SHOPPING! You know what babes, I think you did great, just means you needa go to another game of hers and shoot another shot! Also hi twinnnn, I'm also barely 5'2 lol

I LOVE JACY! And her relationship with her sister is so sweet so that's so nice you saw her family! That's inchrestingggg info. I guess it could be a cousin but hmmm?

LMAO ofc there was something VT/Kitley related there, of course

Glad you got to see a W! And Li sounds amazing, I hope you get to see her play eventually too. Ooooh I bet Kira was stunning in person like I find her so freaking gorgeous so this totally checks out.

[magnoliamyrrh]

Thank you for talking about all this even through it's uncomfortable. I'm from the Balkans too and I went through some similar things, but I did not know it was such a common experience until I read the other anons and your experiences. I have never really told anyone about it and I still have hard time knowing how to feel, but I think what my Aunt did technically count as being molested? When I was still rather young she would "play" with me down there often and it would always feel overwhelming and too much. It has always made me feel odd looking back at it, and it disturb me to realize that she probably made me orgasm, but because it was not forced or painful and she was nice and because it was normalized for family to grope and sexualize in general I never complained or knew it was wrong and I have never known if it counts as actually being abused or not. But I guess... I am starting to realize that was not really normal

hey <3 yea, of course. i think its helpful to talk abt this shit for once, this culture of silence and shame and normalization doesnt seem to have rly helped any of us. thank you for sending this too

no its.. its definitely not normal, and im sorry you went through any of this anon <3 v much sending u a hug. we have just... for sure normalized a certain level and kind of pedophilia and incest in the balkans, particularly with young children, and its... really fucking weird. i totally get what you mean, i grew up w a v similar thing for years, and its v confusing and conflicting to grow up and realize it.. wasnt ok..this whole thing w messing around w little kids like that in the open and noone seeming to have any issue w it whatsoever bc they find it cute or endearing or playful or harmless or whatever the hell is just. really fucking weird. really weird. i still have a rather hard time trying to wrap my head around it bc i just.... really don't fucking get it ?? ive never been around a kid and thought oh yea hey you know what would be cute. doing that. and yet somehow this was just. fine???

and i know what you mean. often when you think of abuse or csa you think of something that is traumatic and violent and forced and leaves you feeling scared and violated and... its real odd when its not like that, and when it was just kinda a normalized thing that didnt necessarly seem bad or unpleasant or unwanted or traumatizing in the usual sense, tho personally i do think it definitely fucked me up. i think it makes it harder to know how the hell to feel about it, or how to feel about these people frankly.... i really dont know what to make of them. is this pedophilic behavior? yes...? do i think theyre pedophiles......???? yes? no? both? i have no idea, it doesnt seem like the sort of thing they do to get themselves off but rather bc its just.. normal to them and a normal way to show affection even though it is most fucking definitely not, and its definitely abusive. ..... I don't know. it really is all such a confusing entangeled mess, and I still cant believe weve somehow reached the point culturally where this stuff is just so normalized. im sorry again that uve been through this too anon im wishing u all the best and may you find some peace with all of this <3

[jokeson-u]

No offense and I don't mean any disrespect to you, but I'm sorry. Your sister is a straight vile and disgusting piece of shit and fucking cunt to be defending Ryan Murphy's portrayal of the Menéndez brothers, and suggest that the real life brothers are lying about being abused. She's part of the problem and the reason why abuse victims don't speak up. And then as you said, she has the nerve to claim she's woke and all that? If she's the type that accuses victims of lying, then I don't put it past her to also be the type to say that victims "ask for it" and deserve it, because they don't fit "the perfect victim" standard. Seriously, FUCK HER! In fact, you can show her this message for me and tell her I said so, so she knows just what a shit person she really is. I don't even know her, but this is enough to make say I hate her. Anyone that accuses abuse victims of lying or agrees with them being painted in a bad light in media gets no compassion or grace from me.

NO DISRESPECT TAKEN AT ALL LMFAOOOOOO heres the thing. its not that she doesnt believe them NOW. its that shes so incredibly ignorant that, before watching the show, she somehow thought it wasnt public knowledge that they were victims. she thinks her bank of knowledge is the same as everyones. so shes acting as though ryan murphy 'showing they were abused' is some revolutionary act of justice. simply because she somehow never knew more about the case than 'crazy rich kids kill parents.' shes basically praising ryan for 'shining light' on their case..?? despite the actual facts already being out there?

so theres that ignorance. but then theres the part that really bugs me: her selective activism. bc my sister really does care about 'woke' things, but she'll look the other way if its someone she likes. or go out of her way to defend them. she likes ryan murphy, therefore any project he does shes gonna defend with 'well ryan murphy does things for controversy/shock!' I DONT GIVE A FUCK. he can easily do that by creating his OWN stories and not making a mockery of a real life tragedy. but she doesnt care! bc its ryan murphy and 'thats what he does.' SO WHY DOES HE DO IT??? like thats my issue. she gives half assed reasons like that without realizing that 'reason' is an issue too.

but her defense didnt end there! bc for some reason she realllly wanted to justify it so she spun this whole thing about what she 'thinks' ryan murphy is doing, which is this: "the first 4 episodes were super sensationalized and fictitious to represent how the press was depicting the boys and the case. and then on episode 5, things get serious and thats ryan bringing out 'out of the press' and 'into reality.'" .....what??? HUH? if that was what he was doing it would BE CLEAR. NOT SOME THEORY YOU WHIPPED UP AND ARE CLAIMING TO BE TRUE AS A DEFENSE OF HIS SHIT WRITING.

but basically. she does believe the boys were abused, but she believes what was in the ryan murphy show. AND she thinks this is all NEW knowledge that ryan is groundbreakingly showcasing. bc shes incredibly fucking ignorant. what she implied possibly NOT believing was eriks statement, as if he did it for publicity or smthn because 'he met with the actor the next day.' like how tf do those 2 things correlate?

anyways. my sister isnt one of those 'u were asking for it' people and she is knowledgeable about the concept of a perfect victim and why thats problematic. BUT, as i said, its selective in all aspects based on her knowledge. in this case, she had none, assumed no one did, and is taking ryans word for it (and spinning the non factual parts of the show it to make it look better in ryans defense.)

also there was a point where i said ryan shouldve named it 'monsters' and then the parents names instead, and she was like 'well that wasnt the name of the case' BITCH HES NOT MAKING A SHOW ABOUT THE CASE HES MAKING FANFICTION OF IT

[findthebae]

uhh hey. so im dave strider from homestuck. uhh i dont have a lot of memories of sburb (like, i have a few, but theyre all fuzzy and weird and blotted.) i do remember hanging out with john rose and jade pre-sburb though. i had a crush on john and jade (but jade was aromantic and i never told either of them). i also remember vaguely having a crush on karkat and someone else, but im not sure who. they were a girl, though. man i had a lot of crushes. uhh. i dont know if john was trans or not, i just know he was a little weird about gender. i mean, i think we all were, but i really noticed it with him. bodily im 15 and mentally im like 15~16, so keep that in mind. im also part of a system and not the main host (i think). we also have a karkat, if that makes you uncomfortable or something. he just doesnt like me, even though we havent really talked

ill list some memories i guess?

john: i remember playing mario kart with him a lot and texting till late hours. we knew each other for a long time (like, since we were toddlers or something). i always saw him as a dude but sometimes jokingly called him my wife because we were so attached. we made stupid raps together sometimes, but i cant remember any of the words anymore. one was about fnaf. i have no idea what years my memories are set in, by the way. his eyes were really pretty green/blue (they seemed to change sometimes?) and his hair was always super soft. sometimes he played pranks on me and he always apologized if it upset me (different sensory issues, you know)

rose: she actually taught me how to knit. i think she was aroace but, like. open to romance? like i think she had a girlfriend once but im not sure who it was. she was also pretty smart about lgbt stuff and i think it mightve been one of her spintrests (we were all autistic, i was just the last to realize). she would actually listen to me make some of my music and give insight on lyrics and stuff. she was really good with lyrics. i think she got into her moms alcohol sometimes and i normally kept chatting with her so she wouldnt do anything dumb or something (especially since i got into alcohol sometimes too and i did dumb stuff)

jade: she didnt always make the most sense and sometimes i had to remind her to take care of herself because she got so hyperfixated on something she forgot. she liked writing and did some weird plant stuff? i think she was into magic. she was so so so pretty guys im so serious even if she wasnt literally connected with the stars id still be convinced she was one. anyway i also gave her some sea shells one time

karkat: man how do i say this. he tried to act like an insufferable prick but he was just genuinely so sweet. it sucks that i cant remember much of him, i just know he was real sweet and pretty and i think he purred.

other person i forgot: i think she played guitar? and she was a troll. i dont remember her typing quirk but i know it was definitely legible? her horns were kind of short (but not like karkats) and she was super sweet to me i think. and i did in fact fall for it. i will fall for almost anyone who's super nice to me. i dont even know if shes a canon troll

me: in general, i still dont remember much. i remember the land of fire and clockwork (a little) and i know i was kind of scared of bro at all times. i think i kind of remember how i looked? i tended to have a tan and i had a few scars (not sure where, just know they were. like. keloid scars and werent that big). my eyes were like? orange-brown, and i know i was pretty sensitive to light (mostly because i never took off my shades). my hair was like super blond, like really really light. i liked painting my nails (ironically) and tended to wear double layers (either a long and short sleeved shirt or a hoodie over my shirt). i also wrote raps and some other music. usually the loud kind. i had an electric guitar, but i dont remember how to play anymore. i also had sticky fingers pretty often (i stole a lot)

my tumblr is turntechdumbfuck. i also currently go by doctor/doc as well as dave (you know like doctor who. because. time stuff)

id prefer if you reached out to me but if you reblog ill message you. specifically reblogs or replies.

! ! !

[wildlycuriouswanderercj]

Its been a while since i vented. I only vent when i need to let go of heavy baggages. Like a pile of shit in my chest. Idk if aum likes me. She out there with jonny in bangkok. With her friends. Theyre drinking. She doesnt call me. She looks like shes having rhe time of her life. Happy. Thats great. Thabks jonny of taking care of her. But personal i dont like that. I rather have her just wait st pattaya like a real girlfriend. And not go out drinking. She didnt have to go. Why her. Natapon couldve went. Why it had to be her. Why she making fun videos with jonny in the same room. Why is she seem so happy. Why she dont call me. Why she only ask what im doing and dont tell me what she doing. Why. Why so i even care. I dont like her. Shes too big for me. Her wnergy is good. But shes not the match for me. I think imma let her go. Its ok if we can still be friends. But i think im done with her. Im not jealous. Im not angry. Im kinda of sad. I want to do some muay thai. I think im going to stay in pattaya. Or im going to koh samui. I dont want to go home. Im going to save much money and live out here much as possible. I dont care about a silly tradtional dinner. Its my life. Its my last time i might be out. Im not going back until i use up all my money and more. I dont care about my credit. I just need to relieve my shit in my chest. I thought she csred sbout me. Im at these few days were i feel the most lonely ive ever been. Past month i been so fill with people. Today i meet yan and izaya. It was fun listening to and talking sbout japanese culture anime and songs and showing them thailand. But in the end im alone. And im sad. I need some company. The time i need company rhe most i dont have anyone to share with me. Its 3 in the morning. Cant sleep. But ill try. Tmrw i go eat more laksa. Because thsts my favorite. I wont post anymore on ig. Im done with ig. I dont care unless its somone tryig. To contact me. Which thwres nobody to really contact. Maybe we go see alien eye girl. Maybe not. She kind of freak me out. Tmrw we go for a run. Then a workout. The. We go eat laksa. We get in shape this year. We get smart. We est fish. We get fast. And we live well alobe. We need to take care of ourspeves. We can only rely on our own company. We dont need anybody else. We dont want to reply to anybody. Anyone. We dont need anyone. We have ourselves. Thats all. We only eat good. No. Tmrw we go eat poke. We only est dry food from now on. Bread. Pasta. Salad. Fish. Kura kura is ok. We will no longer reply ro aum. We are finish. She wasnt there for me these few days. She make me worry during tike i neeed company the most. I needed someone to talk to. She wasnt there during these most critical times. When school starts in 3 days or 2. I wont have the time to be lonely. Ill be busy. So busy i dont have time for anybody. Not for love. Not for anybody. Just me and the spirits and lessons. After this 4 weeks. We go back to soi 7. We get our roght chest done. We dont drink for a day. We go pattaya at night. We get the piece done the morning of. We dont drink that day. We go and simple relax at the beach in jomtien where nobody is. We just chill. We drink coconuts and eat at terminal 21. Becuade thats our favorite chill time. We go find a gym. We work out. We lift. We relieve ourselves we get fit. We just strong. We go shopping. We got buy expensive necklace for protection. We go visit our friend in big buddha. We pray to the gods for protection and guidance. We give back to the great society of thailand. We stay in pattaya until tatto is finish healing. On the 6 or 7 we leave to koh samui. And thatll be that. We dont want to go home. We dont need to go home. Home is not where we belong. I need to live my life my way. I need to become my pwn adult. I need to take responsibilities for my only life. We dont not need to chade fame. We just need to know oursleves. Life live life outside our comfort zone. Live below our means. And ask marco if we can borrow 3k. Or 2k. We go koh samui we race we love. We meet and see new places. And we go koh tao

[postmail]

hruugghh complaining inbound. im on my bus trip right now and. my god. i wasnt looking forward to this very much in the first place and yet i somehow still manage to be disappointed. heres my complaints in arranged into a list. apologies if this is repetitive, im not proofreading it. and sorry if its whiny. i am making this post specifically to whine

im rooming with three other people. two of them are cool. one of them is an underclassmen and. by god. this girl is annoying. shes always complaining about something, and majority of the time it doesnt even like. make sense? like one time she complaining that she felt like she was required to go to the pool, just in general, not with anyone or anything. why would we make you go to the pool? why?? i dont know. her logic is an enigma. i think if she stops having stuff to complain about she dies. also, she keeps following us around. this one is kind of petty but for some reason being followed has always made me irrationally nervous or irritated, even if its like. having a minecraft dog follow me. idk its just something that really bothers me for some innate reason. this chick just presses my buttons. not her fault, but still. ugh

i have virtually no privacy, no real alone time. i share a room, i share a bus, we all share everything at every waking moment. i am never not in the presence of at least one other person. and by god does it suck. and plus, being a part of such a huge crowd at almost all times makes me nervous. im at the whims of all these other people, i can only do what the majority wants to do. and i am historically bad at wanting what everyone else wants

most of these people are people i dont know very well. theyve spilt the rooms based on gender, which is to be expected, but still sucks ass because i get along better with most of my male peers than my female ones. most of the people that are on this trip are in the grade below me (its the juniors and the sophomores, im a junior) and i dont know or like them very much. i find myself wishing it was just my grade, or that i skipped this trip altogether

i came here entirely to learn about history. this trip IS a good portion history, but its also dumb touristy stuff idgaf about. the one museum weve went to already was out of my mind boring, it was a jfk museum, and i didnt think i knew very much about jfk going in, but now coming out i feel like i knew more than that entire museum. it felt like i was having all my old, vastly more interesting and fun history lessons be rehashed to me, it a significantly more drab and boring way.

this ones petty and dumb but. we are going to the ocean. i do not like the ocean. i am worried we are going to spend an entire at the ocean. i would rather do literally anything else

i have heard we are going on a dolphin watching cruise. i get seasick when im these kinds of boats. yayyyyyyyyy

the most i have had on this trip is when we are just driving around in the bus. im starting to think it is literally the only thing ive liked so hard. granted im the kind of person that enjoys long car rides (unless its a route a know well, then its just boring), but still

this is all taking place during the majority of my holiday break. i would really rather just be home, actually doing stuff i like and chillaxing. but nooooo i just had to go on this trip, effectively wasting my entire vacation. thinking about this one frankly just makes me feel miserable. i wanna go HOME this is so LAME

after fundraising, my parents spent absurd amounts of money to get me and my sister on this trip. and i just called my mom crying about how miserable i am here

all of my friends, excluding the one that is here, are back at home. i like my classmates, but we aren’t friends. i want to hangout with my friends, not my peers from school and... the younger ones

my book didnt fit in my bag. i really wish i had my book right now

these hotels are capitalist nightmares that wont let me use wifi despite being a paying customer w/o an account, which i am unwilling to make because. well because fuck that. why the fuck should i give you my personal info just for some wifi i should just get, because i am paying to be here. wth

alright thats all i can think of. im sorry if you read this far, all the way through my whining. hopefully ill have a better time soon. we’re going to the alamo soon and thats. cool. i guess. if i dont think about anything else