sunnynoki

[sunnynoki]

We don’t talk a lot - We haven’t talked in probably about a year or so now, since I left the fandom space we met in. I’ve changed usernames since then - I went by Wheat on discord. Sorry I’ve been so distant. I never knew how to talk to you since it’s been a while.

Even still, I want to tell you that you were important to me, and still are. I wish we could talk more. I want to talk about your new interests. What are you into these days? I’ve been getting into some older games these days, but I’ve been missing pokemon a bit. I want to get back into it. Do you still draw Sky? I never asked you about them with as much detail as I wanted to. I was always worried about being too intrusive, but I regret that now. Your OCs are really imaginative. I know you’re into tensura now, right? Season 3 is coming out soon. I’m excited for that.

I want to get to know you again. I don’t know what happened with whatever you left behind, and I don’t know if this is a weird message to send, but you’re important to me and I want to let you know that you are. I wouldn’t be who I am if you weren’t there in the beginning. Thank you for being you.

i dont know how to talk either. every sentence i say either feels fake or self centered, selfish. and dont worry about being distant; it happens, especially when interests change. i dont blame you.

youre important to me too. i wish we could talk more. im not into much right now. i just feel empty. i gave up su/bmas, after everything. it was too much, not knowing who i could trust not to fucking ship them, or think its ok in any circumstance. yet sometimes i still crawl back to the tag, despite blocking it a while ago. i dont touch anything though, just look. it doesnt bring me joy anymore. i think im finally letting it go. i dont know how i feel about po/kemon yet. its kinda just. there. maybe im just feeling particularly apathetic right now.

i don't really draw anything right now. i dont know if i can go back. it was my only hobby, yet my therapist said that it wasnt enough, even when i was at my lowest. well, at the time. ive set a new low score at this point. i dont want to draw. i don't know what id draw. i dont think i can. my computer is kinda a no mans land at this point. i don't really touch it anymore. im glad you liked sky though. i never understood why she garnered so much attention. i could never write a good enough character for her. she was a mary sue in that way, with no real character flaws, let alone the... everything else. either way, like i said, im glad you liked her regardless. it means a lot. the attention i got because of her made me really happy.

like i said, im not really into anything right now, but i guess tensura would be regarded as an "interest." im... looking forward to season 3. i read one of the light novels thats going to be adapted a month or two back though, so i guess its gonna be a moment before i get to "new" content.

i dont know if theres anyone to get to know anymore. i was already in a depressive episode before this disaster, now i dont know if theres any going back, if theres any way to recover. it isnt a weird message to send, and its appreciated that you care for me but. im not sure if i can trust anyone again. im not sure if i can even trust myself. even in the aftermath, the people i thought i could trust either no longer talk to me or still interact with those who hurt me. i guess its selfish to ask them to cut off those friends too. but ive always been selfish. self centered. egotistical.

regardless, im glad i had some positive impact despite my mess of a personality. thank you for your words

[sunnynoki]

and thats the thing, isnt it? they shouldnt care. im pathetic and useless. I'll be known as the anti who cut off all their friends over stupid fucking online discourse and then killed themself over it. a hell of my own creation.

even then, theres no going back. i made this bed. im dying on this hill, literally. you won. you all got what you wanted. good fucking riddance i guess.

nobody cares.

[sunnynoki]

nobody cares.

[sunnynoki]

it's me and this feeling of emptiness against the world

[sunnynoki]

what am i doing, holding onto the scraps of a life that no longer exists? what am i doing. what am i doing.

[sunnynoki]

i don't understand how i am supposed to live with this profound sadness. to be honest

[sunnynoki]

[sunnynoki]

this close to destroying all my personal relationships before offing myself

[sunnynoki]

let it be known that if i ever disappear, i deserved it

[sunnynoki]

i feel so dead yet also like im burning alive.

[sunnynoki]

New reaction pic for y'all to be used when you get into an argument about trans healthcare and your opponent starts talking about the 0.8% or whatever of trans people who regret transitioning

[sunnynoki]

ART

[sunnynoki]

I can't stop thinking about this post

[sunnynoki]

[sunnynoki]

I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!! continues not only living like this but in fact gets actively worse with time