#she was not expecting anything drastic to come out of it. especially not a whole child./!@

[virsancte]

trouble in.. paradise?

you may not want to be here my friend.

[drabbles-mc]

You Have Friends?

Richie Jerimovich x F!Reader Richie Jerimovich & Carmy Berzatto & Neil Fak

For @the-slumberparty's Bingo Challenge! Bingo Square: friends with benefits

Warnings: 18+, language, canon-typical chaos

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: I love them. I love them all so much. I can and would kill a man for Neil Fak.

The Bear Taglist: @garbinge @withmyteeth @justreblogginfics @narcolini (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

You had your phone out, ready to call or text him to come and meet you outside. You weren’t expecting the door to be unlocked, but it pulled open with no resistance. Your eyebrows lifted, and for a moment you still contemplated just calling him anyway. But then you heard the crashing sounds, the subsequent yelling after the fact, and you knew that even if you called him repeatedly he wasn’t going to pick up the phone. Especially not when he was one of the people doing the yelling.

Taking a deep breath, you stepped inside and let the door fall shut behind you. The metallic clanging of the door hitting the frame was a sound you were certain no one else heard other than you. You took careful steps through the restaurant, or what used to be a restaurant, what was going to be a restaurant again in a couple months, apparently. There was debris everywhere, and the deeper you walked, the more the yelling made sense. Although, knowing Richie, yelling would happen even when it didn’t make sense. Italian aesthetic for the least Italian man you know.

Passing by a tarp, the one spray painted by someone who was clearly angry when they got the can of paint in their hand, you finally landed yourself where everyone was gathered. Carmy and Richie were chest-to-chest, or their approximation of that as Richie towered over him. Fak was on standby, and based off of what Richie had told you, you were certain that Fak was ready to jump in on Carmy’s behalf and not Richie’s.

There were a few other people there too. You recognized Natalie, worry and frustration all over her face as she watched Carmy and Richie yell and duke it out with each other. Your eyes widened as you took in the entire scene playing out in front of you. It clicked for you why Richie never told you to stop by.

Finally, she snapped. “Will you two shut the fuck up, please?! This isn’t solving anything!”

Richie shook his head, stepping back from Carmy only to aggressively gesture at him instead. “Nothing this dickhead is doing is solving anything! That’s the whole fuckin’—”

“I’m sorry,” Carmy interrupted Richie’s tirade, no longer looking at the man who had just been about to throw him through the crumbling sheetrock walls around them, “um who, who are you?”

Your eyes widened further not just at the fact that he was looking at you, talking to you, but at the drastic shift in his voice. He was quiet now, tone almost gentle, but clearly very confused. You cleared your throat, the nerves you’d felt standing in front of the restaurant were back in full-swing now that the yelling had stopped.

“Hi, sorry. I just—” you stopped short and held up the leather jacket in your hand as your only explanation.

Richie’s originally surprised expression had shifted to confusion. But once he saw the jacket in your hand, it changed into something else entirely. Almost soft. As soft as he would allow himself to be in the middle of the warzone.

“Shit,” his shoulders dropped and he stepped away from Carmy. “Thank you. Completely fuckin’,” he didn’t finish the sentence throwing out a vague hand gesture instead.

You chuckled quietly, still feeling awkward in the midst of it all but not quite as much now. Richie was, strangely enough, your tether in the midst of whatever storm you’d stumbled into. “I know.”

You handed it over to him, looking around at everyone who was looking at you. Maybe you should introduce yourself to the room. You knew most of them, or knew of them at least. Richie talked about them enough to make you feel like you knew them—you saw the pictures in his apartment, on his phone. Judging by the various looks of shock and confusion on everyone else’s faces, he was not as talkative about you as he was about all of them. That was about what you expected. You waited to see if Richie was gonna introduce you instead of making you do it, but he looked just about as lost as anyone else.

Clearing his throat, he nodded back the way you’d come in. “I’ll walk you out.”

You nodded, looking around at everyone. “It’s was nice to…you know…” you waved awkwardly. “Bye.”

The variety of goodbye’s that you got from everyone in the room was humorous. Or it was to you, at least. Judging by the look on Richie’s face you had the feeling that he was never going to be hearing the end of everything that just transpired over the last sixty seconds. You knew that whatever that was wasn’t their best behavior, but it was the best they could conjure up given your unexpected arrival and the fact that they had no idea who the fuck you were. It was a little impressive, honestly, especially if any of them were anything like Richie.

“I was gonna call,” you said as you and Richie made your way back through the minefield, trying to take all the same steps you had on the way in but in reverse lest you cause something else to collapse, “but then the door was open so I sorta just let myself in.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine. You’re fine.” He paused as he reached to open the door for you. “How much of that did you catch?”

You laughed. “Um, caught just about everything after you told one of them that you are ‘perfectly fucking capable’ of tearing the wall down safely.”

Richie shook his head. “Fuckin’ Fak.”

 You continued, not acknowledging his statement with anything but a smile. “Which, no offense,” you looked over at him, “I heard the crashing when I walked in. Not sure how true that is.”

“Not you too,” he shook his head as you both stood in the doorway. You were standing just out on the sidewalk, Richie just barely inside the hollowed-out restaurant.

“Just keepin’ it real,” you said, holding your hands up in surrender.

Richie was still shaking his head as he looked up at the sky for a moment, like he was visibly trying to talk himself out of saying something shitty. Finally looking back at you, he said, “Thanks for the jacket.” He shook it in his hand to emphasize his point.

“I know you guys are,” you made a general circling motion with your hand in the direction of the restaurant, “but call me when you’re done if you want.”

“Alright, yea.” He ran his hand across his brow-line. “I’ll let you know.”

You nodded. “Sounds good.” You leaned in, stealing a chaste kiss before stepping back away again. “Oh, and Richie?”

He looked at you, eyebrows raised. “Yea?”

“Take it easy on Carmy.” You laughed. “It’s fucked up to bully children.”

Richie laughed, tension dropping from his shoulders a little bit. “He makes it too easy, though. Candy from a fuckin’ baby, I swear.”

You laughed a little harder at that, shaking your head. “That’s exactly my point.” You watched him roll his eyes at you and all you could do was smile. “Talk to you later.”

“Yea, yea, I’ll see you.”

Richie stood there in the doorway and watched as you walked back down the sidewalk. You got a few strides away and realized that you hadn’t heard the clattering of the door shutting. When you turned around and saw him standing there still looking at you, you laughed and shook your head at him. He smiled, but rather than saying anything else, he just gave you the finger before pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his track pants.

When he walked back into the construction area, everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him. By that point, everyone only consisted of Fak and Carmy. Natalie must’ve handed out tasks to just about everyone else, things they could do that didn’t involve trying to work through the mess that Richie had just inadvertently created with the disintegrating wall.

“Who was that?” Carmy immediately asked when Richie stepped back in the room.

“Don’t fuckin’ worry about it.”

Fak piped up. “Is she your girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Shut the fuck up, Neil,” Richie snapped with a shake of his head.

“Is she, though?” Fak didn’t let up.

“No—what—what are we, fuckin’ twelve? She’s not my girlfriend.”

“She’s stopping by!” Fak countered. “With your jacket!” He gasped dramatically. “Do you sleep over?”

“I’m gonna put you through that fuckin’ wall, I swear to god.”

Carmy was half-covering his mouth with his hand watching the two of them going back and forth. He tried not to smile. “She’s not your girlfriend, then. So, so what is she?”

Richie threw his hands up, jacket flapping as he did. “Why are we even talkin’ about this right now? Don’t you have a restaurant to open?”

“Can’t open shit when you’re knocking all the walls down,” Carmy shot back with a small smirk pulling at his lips. He paused. “What’s, what’s the deal?”

Richie shook his head, knowing that he wasn’t going to get out of the conversation without giving some kind of answer. For as annoyed as he was, he also had a sliver of awareness in the back of his mind that when the shoe is on the other foot he was just as relentless, if not more.

“I met her on, fuckin’, you know,” he patted at his pants pocket where his phone was. “And she’s cool.”

“But not your girlfriend,” Carmy clarified.

“No. We’re like, friends with benefits or whatever you fuckin’ lizards call it.”

“You have friends?” Carmy asked with a laugh.

“She gives you benefits?” Fak piped up, his voice that same shocked almost-whisper he used so often.

Richie was shaking his head at both of them. He pointed at Carmy, using the hand that was still clutching his jacket. “Fuck you—yes, I have friends.” He turned to Fak and pointed at him next. “And fuck you, yes I get benefits!” He punctuated the sentence by giving him a good shove.

“Think she’s still gonna give you benefits after seeing you act like a fucking maniac in here today?” Carmy asked, eyebrows slightly raised as he tried and failed miserably at not looking amused.

“Pfft,” Richie shrugged like he was so unbothered by it, like he was far cooler than he really is, “bet I’ll get even more benefits now.”

“Gross,” Carmy responded with a laugh.

“So gross,” Fak agreed.

“You fuckin’ asked,” Richie argued, pointing back and forth between the two of them.

Before they could descend further into the madness, Natalie’s voice came ringing in front the office. “Neil! Sweetheart! Come here for a second, please.”

“Coming!” he called back, charming as ever. He looked at Richie, pointing at him accusingly. “You’re gross.”

“And you don’t fuck, Neil Fak,” Richie replied without missing a beat.

Once he walked out of the room, Richie and Carmy both instantly broke down laughing. They were both shaking their heads, at each other, at Fak, at all of it. The entire morning had been a mess, just like most of the other mornings preceding it. It was so easy to get lost in it sometimes that giving each other shit over things like that was a breath of fresh air in the strangest way. Bullying each other just for the sake of it not because it felt like the restaurant was imploding and they were each trying to cope with it the only way that they really knew how.

“Hey, cousin,” Carmy spoke up after things had quieted between them again. It looked at Richie who was looking down at the jacket in his hand.

“Yea?” Richie pulled his eyes back up.

He nodded in the direction of the door. “That all good?”

Richie shrugged, nodded. “It’s all good.”

The ends of Carmy’s mouth lifted into a tiny grin. It was genuine, still just a touch of humor to it because they were still the exact men that they were. “Alright.” He clapped Richie on the back. “C’mon, let’s clean up this fuckin’ wall you knocked down.”

“I didn’t knock—”

“You fuckin’ did!” Carmy said with a laugh.

“You know what? Whatever,” Richie shook his head. Turning on his heel, he went to put his jacket away, somewhere out of the danger zone. “Grab a fuckin’ broom, then.”

Carmy was shaking his head, already making his way to get supplies to start containing the mess. He grabbed a garbage can and a broom, chuckling to himself when he heard Fak and Richie pick up their arguing all over again just a few yards away.

[glitterp0prhaps0dy]

the walls are crumbling

Family and friends hold a significant place in my heart. Trust doesn't come easily to me, as I value promises deeply. Sadly, my trust was once shattered by someone close who broke their promise in the worst way imaginable.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Floyd was sprawled out on the bed, a fresh bandage adorning his nose. He let out a groan, the aftermath of Grog's attack manifesting as a relentless headache. The room was steeped in darkness, a small concession to his throbbing head, per his request.

As the door creaked open, Barb entered, her silhouette framed by the light from the hallway. She carried a bottle of water, which she gently placed on the desk next to Floyd before settling herself on the floor beside the bed. "How ya doing bud?" she inquired with genuine concern.

Floyd managed a weak smirk, despite the pain. "Oh, you know, just living the dream. Getting beaten up by a mountain of muscle was definitely on my to-do list."

Barb cast a sympathetic glance his way. "Yeah... sorry you had to deal with that. Grog's a real piece of work, goes after anyone who doesn't match up to his narrow idea of 'cool'," she shared, her tone carrying a mix of apology and disdain.

Floyd let out a sigh, a hint of melancholy in his voice. "I guess this is going to delay my recovery, huh? Looks like my brother's going to have to wait even longer..." The sadness in his words was palpable, reflecting the weight of the setback.

Barb shifted, her interest clearly deepened by the unfolding story. "Your brother, huh... It's interesting, I've never really delved into why you left. What was it that drove you to take such a drastic step?" She leaned in slightly, her question inviting a level of introspection that hung heavily between them.

Floyd paused, the weight of past decisions and emotions becoming palpable in the quiet of the room. He reached for the bottle of water, its cool surface offering a brief respite as he marshaled his thoughts. With a slow sip, he allowed himself a moment of reflection before speaking. "It was a series of things, actually," he admitted, his voice interlacing with notes of contemplation and rue. "We had this blowout – all my brothers and I. It was about not achieving this 'ideal family harmony' we always talked about. One of those arguments that spirals out of control before you've even caught your breath."

Another sip of water punctuated his pause, his gaze momentarily losing focus as if visualizing the events once again. "But the argument was just the final straw, not the whole reason. I felt cornered, suffocated by all these expectations and my own fears of never measuring up. Leaving seemed like the only way out then, a chance to forge my own path, away from the shadows of those expectations."

Barb's presence was a quiet anchor in the room, her face a mask of empathy and understanding as she listened. "What about now?" she gently urged him on, sensing there was more he was grappling with.

Floyd's response carried a twinge of regret. "Now, I see that leaving was more like running away. It didn't solve anything, just delayed facing those deep-seated issues. And it brought on new ones – the ache of missing them, the guilt over the abrupt departure, wondering how much I've hurt them, especially him." His voice held a new level of insight, the kind that often comes from facing hard truths.

Barb offered a small, understanding smile, her demeanor gentle yet encouraging. "It sounds like you've been through quite a journey. But recognizing all of this? That's progress, Floyd. It shows growth. And hey, making mistakes is part of being a teenager. It's how we learn, right?" Her words, meant to comfort, also underscored the universal nature of growth and the hope that understanding brings.

Floyd gave Barb a faint nod, a hum of acknowledgment escaping him as the pain medication he'd taken earlier began to assert its influence, drawing him towards sleep. He couldned, his face sinking comfortably into the pillow. Barb observed this with a gentle smile, quietly exiting the room. She carefully closed the door behind her, ensuring the room remained dimly lit to maintain the tranquil environment Floyd preferred.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barb stepped into the living room, where Riff was deeply engrossed in a battle of wits with the remnants of the demolished wheelchair. He prodded and poked at its battered frame, hope flickering in his eyes, only for it to be extinguished with a heavy sigh of defeat - the wheelchair was beyond repair.

Carol, on the other hand, was immersed in a rather creative endeavor. Her paper was a battlefield of sketches: skulls and stick figures in various states of duress, each representing Grog. The paper was boldly titled "Different Ways to Destroy Grog." It was clear Carol's artistic talents were currently fueled by a thirst for vengeance.

Rebel, meanwhile, was the picture of academic dedication, buried in a medical textbook. She was simultaneously drilling herself with flashcards, a testament to her determination to learn. Her leg was elevated, resting on a cushion - a battle scar from her encounter with Grog. Despite having delivered a formidable blow to Grog's face, Rebel hadn't emerged unscathed; she'd sprained her ankle in the process.

Barb slumped down on the couch next to Carol, a cloud of gloom hanging over her from the whole ordeal with Grog. She let out a deep sigh, her spirits dampened by the recent events. Glancing over at Carol's sketches, her eyes landed on a particularly imaginative doodle: Carol's hair transformed into a chainsaw, accompanied by a note that read 'revenge for him hurting Floyd's hair'. Despite the heavy mood, Barb couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle at the sight.

As the front door swung open, Thrash stepped inside, immediately noticing the remnants of the broken wheelchair and the somber atmosphere that enveloped the room. The usually vibrant energy of the group was noticeably dimmed. "What's going on? Where's Floyd?" he inquired, his voice laced with concern.

Rebel looked up from her medical book, meeting Thrash's gaze with a serious expression. "Floyd got into a bit of trouble at the market," she began, her tone even but carrying the weight of the incident. "We split up to grab some things, and... well, Floyd had a run-in with Grog. It got pretty nasty. Grog didn't just insult him; he physically attacked Floyd. Broke his nose, damaged his wheelchair beyond repair."

"Wow..." Thrash exhaled, the word barely escaping his lips as he processed the gravity of what Rebel had relayed. The shock was evident in his widened eyes, a mix of disbelief and concern flooding in.

Thrash's gaze shifted to Rebel's propped-up foot, a puzzled expression crossing his face. "And what happened to you?" he inquired, concern etched in his voice.

Rebel glanced down at her injured foot, a wry smile playing on her lips. "Kicked the hell out of Grog," she replied matter-of-factly, her tone betraying the underlying satisfaction of delivering a well-deserved blow.

Riff glanced up from the wheelchair fragments, his frustration palpable. "That Grog's a piece of work," he grumbled, shaking his head. "Acts like he owns the whole market. It's one thing to have a beef with someone, but attacking Floyd like that? Unforgivable."

Carol, still scribbling her revenge plans, piped up with equal disdain. "He's nothing but a big, angry, walking disaster. Anyone who messes with one of us deserves what's coming to them. And believe me, I've got some creative ideas for his comeuppance," she said, tapping her pencil against the paper filled with doodles and notes. "Harming Floyd's hair, though? That's a personal attack on all Trolls. It's like cutting off a limb!" Her voice was a mix of anger and a bizarre sense of excitement at the prospect of enacting her plotted revenge.

Barb had remained silent, idly twiddling her fingers, lost in thought. Eventually, she lifted her gaze to the others and voiced a heavy realization, "...Floyd's going to be with us for a bit longer, huh?"

The room turned towards her, absorbing the weight of her words. Thrash replied, with a mix of regret and warmth in his tone, "Yeah, sadly, that seems to be the case. Not that we mind having him here, of course—he's a great kid. But it's unfortunate because it means he'll be delayed in getting back to his family..."

"Oh right, Floyd's upstairs, likely out like a light by now. Wouldn't shock me if that behemoth of a brute rattled his brain enough to give him a concussion," Riff mentioned, concern evident in his voice despite the casual delivery.

Carol, who had been silently doodling, looked up, her expression a mix of worry and anger. "We should've been there sooner," she said, the guilt heavy in her tone. "I mean, what if it's serious? Concussions are no joke."

Barb nodded, sharing the sentiment. "Yeah, and with his leg already in bad shape, this is the last thing he needed. Poor guy has been through enough as it is."

Rebel, still focused on her medical book but clearly tuned into the conversation, added, "We'll keep a close eye on him, make sure he gets the rest and care he needs. But you're right, we need to be more vigilant. We can't let something like this happen again."

Thrash, leaning against the doorway, chimed in, "Agreed. And maybe it's time we teach that Grog a lesson on manners. Can't have him thinking he can just bully anyone who crosses his path."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I consider you as my friend, witnessing you in pain was agonizing. It stirred a profound anger within me. I have a strong desire to shield those I care about. I promise to stand by you and protect you from harm.

[bluminex]

Can I req reader that used to be a heavy drinker and theyve already been clean for months but readers old drinking buddies are pushing them to drink again and Yae Miko, Ei, Kuki Shinobu (separately) got mad with your old friends (also gender neutral please!)

Drunkard turns into normal person(real)!!

I was supposed to post this yesterday, though, here's one of the works that I was able to finish today. I'll get to work on the others in a bit after I get some rest.

Anyhow, enjoy the work! I'll be back to posting and working on your requests now. My passion and dedication to writing has been rekindled again after a few weeks have passed. I apologize for the delay of these works.

Yae Miko

Before, you were once a heavy drinker. You’d head out every time and anytime your drinking buddies had invited you to another drinking session. It had started to become an addiction; it had started to be more dangerous for you and your health. Someone had to put a stop to it, and that was your girlfriend, the cunning, prestigious, captivating, and teasing Head of the Grand Narukami Shrine, none other than Yae Miko.

To her expectations, you eventually stopped drinking for the sake of your own health… and partly also for her. Which also meant that you had stopped seeing your drinking buddies more often due to the fact that you aren’t going to be drinking anymore anytime soon.

It had been months ever since you went out to drink with your buddies. If you had to be honest, not drinking alcoholic beverages anymore have definitely helped your mental health and you’ve never felt better than you did when you used to drink! You’re quite proud of being months clean, especially with how much of an addict you were!

And today, you just so happened to coincidentally meet some familiar faces that afternoon as you were visiting the Yae Publishing House to check up on how Miko is doing behind the counters. You heard one of them call out to you, making you shift your attention from your girlfriend to whoever had called out to you.

“S/O! It’s been a while since we drank, eh?” The man waved as he approached you with a smile.

You nodded, “Yeah. Uhm, what brings you guys here? You here to buy a light novel?” You questioned, raising a brow at your old friends.

They laughed and chuckled at your words,

“No, you silly goose! We came here to ask why you aren’t tagging along to our night-outs anymore!” The other man folded his arms as he eyed at you.

“It’s been months, you know… we’re kind of missing your chaotic behavior a bit! We still have as much as fun as we did back then. You should definitely come tag along on tonight’s night-out!” A female voice sighed as she placed her hands on her hips.

You gulped, “Apologies, I’m gonna have to pass, I decided to stop drinking a few months ago.” You rested your palm on the back of your neck.

Their eyes widened, broadened even�� eh, same thing. They stared at you in pure shock and disbelief, what they heard just now… that was real, wasn’t it? But the person they knew wouldn’t say such things like that. Just what exactly happened to you in a span of these few months, what made you drastically change?

Yae Miko narrowed her purple eyes at these ‘friends’ of yours. She was clearly starting to get irritated by this whole situation, maybe even a little intrigued.

“Where’s the fun in that?! You know, I don’t really know what changed you, but still… you should definitely tag along!” A man exclaimed, nudging your shoulder lightly as they laughed light-heartedly.

“Have I not made myself clea-“

“Nope, zip it! Sorry S/O but we aren’t going to tolerate the nonsense that you’re blurting as of right now. He’s right, you might be busy and all but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a bit of fun every once in a while!“ Another sound of a guy spoke to you.

Growing annoyed by their hopeless and pitiful attempts, Yae Miko simply could not just stand-by and not do anything about this idiotic matter. The Chief Editor hated- no, despised the idea or thought of you returning back to your former self all because she had allowed you to run off with your old friends.

“Ah, ah, ah… I don’t believe there’ll be a chance for your dear friend over here to accompany you guys on this ‘hangout’ of yours. My beloved has better things to do than spend time with you drunkards, isn’t that right, dear?~” Yae Miko smiled at you, though, just by her expression alone… you could clearly make out what she was trying to get across to you; “Play along.”

“That’s right, I do in fact have to accomplish some of my projects. I’m only here at the Yae Publishing House to check up on how Miko is doing so far in the day.” You sighed, rubbing your forehead as if to say you were a bit stressed out by many of these, totally not made-up last minute ‘projects’ of yours.

Their faces dropped and they frowned at your words. They were going to reply to your words and open up their mouths until they were again interrupted by the Guuji.

“Now, now… how about all of you skedaddle from here and go to that bar you all drink at. However, my lover here won’t be joining you fortunately. Besides, they have clearly stated that they do not want to drink with your group again, hence… they won’t be drinking at all anytime soon as long as I’m around.”

A shiver went down their spines, they hesitantly apologized to both you and Yae before hurrying up and out of the place, running up the stairs. You shifted your attention back to Yae after your old pals have scurried off deeper into the city.

“Yae… there was definitely some anger in your words just now. Are you perhaps… mad at them?” You questioned Yae, eyeing at her.

Yae Miko sighed, “Why would I not be? They wouldn’t stop pestering you to come with to another night-out where you’d eventually be persuaded into drinking. For all of my hard work to go to waste in just one night is rather saddening, don’t you think? With how much effort I had put in just to convince you to stop drinking was quite tedious you know. Now, returning back to our conversation just a moment ago…”

Raiden Ei

Ei didn’t like the idea of you drinking once she saw how drunk you’d get after going to the tavern whenever there’s a chance. With how much of a heavy drinker you are; you’d always return home so drunk to the point where you can barely keep your balance and know who you’re talking to at the current moment. She made sure to scold you whenever you drank. Though, she always was passive-aggressive with her words when it came to scolding you.

Once Ei had decided that enough was enough, she had forbidden you from drinking. In fact, she commanded you to not lay a finger on one alcoholic beverage ever again. No matter how much you had opposed to this, in the end not even you, the lover of Inazuma’s deity could even stop her. So, you forfeited, finding it pointless in trying to argue with her any further… deciding it might have been for the better good of your health.

Nowadays, whenever you return home from work to rest and snuggle up with Ei… you no longer reek of alcohol, which pleases your lover because the stench of alcohol would get to her. Another reason as to why she had banned you from drinking.

However, until one night… where you received a letter from your old pals. You could sense Ei glaring at you and at the letter as well behind you. You turned to look at her,

“...D-do you want to read it with me?” You asked, hesitantly.

She stared into your eyes as you spoke, she shook her head, “I’d rather you read it out loud to me. By the way, do tell… who wrote this letter to you?” Ei asked, raising a brow at you as she folded her arms.

You sighed, “It was from my friends, the ones that I used to drink with. I’m not really sure why all of a sudden, they sent me a letter.”

Opening up the letter, you began to read it out loud for Ei. As you were reading, you could feel the atmosphere around you tense up… she must’ve disliked the contents of the letter. Once you finished reading, she took the letter from your hands.

“Hey what was that for-“

How rude it truly was for them to try and guilt trip you into drinking with them again? They should be punished for it. A nuisance really… why must you keep in contact with them still? A bad influence they are… if Ei were to let you go with them, she’s sure that you would’ve returned to your old habits with no hesitation. No doubt in that at all.

She scoffed, pulling you closer towards her. She glared at you, folding her arms. You chuckled light-heartedly, clearly understanding what she was trying to get across.

“Don’t worry… I won’t go with them. How about I whip something up for the both of us? Though, I’m not sure if you’ll be of much help in the kitchen…”

Ei deadpanned at you, “I’m a bit offended by that… though, just this once I’ll let it slide. I’ll be waiting to eat your food, in the meanwhile… I shall ask of some of the guards at front to fetch me some Dango Milk from that stall…”

“Alright, it sounds like a plan then! I’m gonna head straight to cooking now! See you in a few!” You grinned at her. She smiled at you softly, nodding her head before turning around to command the guards at front to order the sweets from that stall… specially to order all the Dango milk they could offer.

Kuki Shinobu

Before you and Shinobu started dating, you were a drunkard. You’d drink so much every single day that you’re now well-known as a regular customer or “that drunkard” among the restaurants and bars. You also drank a lot with some friends of yours, the only time you’ll ever see them is when you’re drinking or maybe you might run into them in the city.

Though you may be known as a heavy drinker and the well-known drunkard in Inazuma city… the citizens of the city acknowledged that although you may drink a ton, you are a good person at heart. You were popular among the kids, as you would hang out with them whenever you had the chance.

From time to time, you’d give the kids a sip of some of the alcoholic beverages, and now they refuse to drink any of it again in the present time and also in the future with how bad it tastes. The first time you lent them a sip, they began to question how you could drink something so disgusting and bad? The parents of these children are relieved to know that you aren’t trying to influence them into drinking after you expYlained why you gave them a sip of alcohol.

A drunkard that lectures kids to not drink any alcohol at such a young age, and if they ever do so wish to drink in the future… drink moderately at least where you won’t get drunk. Ironic, isn’t it?

Now that you’re dating Shinobu, you noticed that you haven’t been drinking at all these days. Perhaps… this is because she kept scolding and giving you an earful whenever you’d arrive home drunk, go to her drunk, or just be drunk in general.

This was no way for how you should be living your life right now at all. Thus, led to Shinobu negotiating with the bartenders to not serve you any alcoholic drinks anymore. Fortunate for her, they were very much understanding, as they could understand where she was coming from.

After a few months have passed, you’ve completely stopped drinking. Shinobu couldn’t help but feel like a proud mom with you overcoming your addiction to drinking. After all, it wasn’t an easy thing to achieve. The day today was going as smoothly as ever, until some familiar faces had bumped into you and Shinobu.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going- S/O?!”

“…” Shinobu recognized their faces the moment her eyes landed on them. Before they could even get another word out, she grabbed your hand and walked in the other direction. You were confused as to why she had pulled this stunt when your old friends were trying to strike up a conversation with you.

Once you were further away from where you were, you immediately asked her,

“Shinobu, what was that all about? Why’d you run off with me like that?” You asked, looking at her very puzzled.

Shinobu turned to look at you, sighing, “…They were going to try and pressure and persuade you into drinking again. I could sense it, my guts told me, and I just couldn’t ignore that feeling. I don’t want you to become an addict again like you were back then.”

You blinked at her.

She stared into your eyes for a few seconds before quickly averting them.

“Oh. Well, makes sense… you’re my girlfriend and all and you just want what’s best for my health!” You chuckled at your words as you grinned.

“I promise you that I won’t ever go back on my word. I promised you I’d stop drinking and I’d never think of breaking that promise that I swore to you.” You reassured her.

Shinobu sighed of relief, her cheeks slightly red, “Good. Now, how about we go and check in on the boss? I’m a bit worried he’s causing a ruckus again…”

“Yeah sure, let’s go and find Itto and the rest of your gang! Uhm… after we do that, can we perhaps go back to that street? I saw a stall and it was selling one of my favorite dishes.” You asked nervously.

Shinobu gave you a calm nod. Removing her mask and pulling it down, she kissed you on your cheek. (If you’re tall, then pretend she got on her tippy toes to kiss your cheek, if you’re short, then think of the opposite.)

You blushed, looking at her with widened eyes. You felt your face getting hotter and hotter by each passing second. Though, you were not complaining… you could get used to being kissed like that by your girlfriend in public more.

---------Author's Notes---------

If you ever so wish, go check out my Ao3 account. I've posted a new work over there, completely unrelated to Genshin, but it's about the show "Wednesday". Wenclair is canon, you cannot tell me otherwise. Let me believe in what I want.

My Archive of Our Own account, or otherwise known as Ao3, is Royy_Bluminex.

Please, ignore my first two works... It was a strange phase of mine hahaha. Well, enjoy reading those old works of mine if you wish. I can't say that I'm exactly proud of it... So, if you see something that you weren't expecting, just keep your mouth shut.

Oh wow. Uhm. I'm writing this (this very sentence) like 20-30 minutes after...

My mother just informed me that my dearest cat, Mio, has died. My father seemed to not notice him resting under the car and ran over him accidentally.

Death is unpredictable, which is why you must be prepared to face it.

R.I.P Mio, you were a great cat. I'm glad I took care of you while we still had time.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Hi Lofty!

Fellow Healthcare worker here, I think I remember you saying you work nights? I'm a dayshifter that will be transitioning to overnights in a month, and am both excited and scared since this will be something new not just for me but for my whole department.

I was curious, did you specifically choose nights, and how do you like it compared to days? I would think nights would be quieter, but I also know to expect the unexpected, and things can go from dead to hectic in an instant.

Also, do you have any advice for going to an overnight schedule? I'm sure my sleep and eating habits will be messed up for the first few weeks until I get into a routine, are there any other challenges you think I should expect?

Sorry to talk work, I know you probably come here to get away from that, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to and felt you are a safe person to talk to.

Anyway, have a good day/night/whenever you happen to be awake! (I am well aware our schedules can be very wacky)

Hello! :D

I did in fact specifically choose nights. On my unit you have the option to do just nights or to rotate, and you can request to go on a waiting list to work only day shift. I prefer nights, but it’s a mixed bag to be perfectly honest. (This got long so I’m putting everything under the cut)

What I like about nights is that there are fewer people (there aren’t eight thousand teams rounding through the room who never introduce themselves to me and come and go without telling me a darn thing, or they ask me a million questions), visitor restrictions apply (I love family coming to see the patient… just don’t love having to entertain them or be interrogated by them while I’m trying to do stuff lol), the coworkers are much chiller it’s a very different vibe between day workers and night workers, and no management.

What I don’t like about nights is essentially not work related - it freaking kills your life outside of work. Let’s say you work three nights in a row. When you get off it’s the morning of the next day, and you can either make yourself stay up and be a zombie but awake to enjoy that day off, or you sleep the entire day, which wastes a day off, and then you’re still nocturnal for your remaining time off, which makes doing normal people things difficult. It can strain your mental health, especially with lack of sunlight, so you just have to find a way to handle it that works best for you.

I will say, there is one more thing that I don’t like about nights: many providers feel like nights are just “status quo time,” in other words, don’t do any interventions to rock the boat. I’ve fought and argued with doctors multiple times for patients who are showing warning signs of decompensating only to be ignored because they don’t want to do anything drastic on night shift. Had it happen pretty recently and just about wanted to punch an intensivist (I had told the resident that we needed to temporize the patient’s K because it was 5.5, and given his AKI and low UO we should consider options like diuresing or even CRRT and since the resident was brand new she listened, but the intensivist later was like “eh you didn’t need to do that” and wouldn’t do anything about the pt’s nonexistent urine output and ATJEIWOAJFDKSALJFEIWO I do not like that man)

Advice for going to night shift! I’ll make it bullet points so I stop having these giant paragraphs:

When possible, try to cluster shifts together. That way you’re not constantly jumping back and forth with your sleep cycle

The day before you work, there are multiple ways to make yourself nocturnal in preparation. I usually push myself to stay up as late as possible, and go to bed between 4-7am. Others will take a nap in the afternoon before their shift.

Black out curtains are your beloved. They make sleeping during the day so much easier. If you can’t afford those at the moment, an eye mask is a cheaper and effective alternative.

Many of us need some kind of noise to help settle our minds after work since many go to bed directly after work. A fan, a white noise machine, anything like that. I personally like ambience videos off YouTube, rain and thunderstorms or crickets and stuff.

If you’re trying to fall asleep after a shift and it just ain’t happening, there are a few things you can try. If benadryl makes you sleepy, you can try using that, though I don’t necessarily recommend making it a habit so much as a backup plan. Some people say magnesium makes them sleepy. I’ve used alcohol before to help me sleep but it doesn’t promise the best sleep. Another option is carbs! I’ll eat just a couple slices of bread or something and then you get a nice little food coma feeling.

Try not to kill yourself with your caffeine intake lol. And note when to stop caffeinating so you can fall asleep! I usually have to stop by 4am or I won’t be able to sleep right after work. (Though lately I’ve given up on falling asleep right after work, it usually takes my mind a couple hours to settle down so I fall asleep closer to 10/11am or so)

Note that working nights is probably gonna take a toll on your mental and physical health. Take vitamin D supplements to compensate for the lack of daylight, it’ll help boost your mood too. A lot of us have light lamp therapy stuff too, especially for winter. Try to find a good balance of letting yourself rest at home to wind down and being with some kind of support system.

Have fun! Night shift crew is almost always awesome, we’re wacky and fun and laid back! :)

[acourtofthought]

I’m not sure if it’s ok for me to ask you this but I really like your posts and the way you interpret. Disclaimer: I am not antielain but I get confused with her sometimes. If anything I say comes off harsh I apologize and plz kno I didn’t mean that way. Just heads up this will be long

I guess I sometimes think ppl expect almost too much from elain. Part of it is because we don’t know much of her character/personality. Like ppl expect that she’ll do a complete 180 and prove us all wrong. I do think she will prove us wrong but not like that I guess? Not so drastic? I’m thinking similar to how Nesta grew in her book where it wasn’t a complete flip of her personality but it was a build up on it. I personally think that’s the whole point of these books it’s to learn to give love to ourselves (via the characters) rather than change ourselves or personalities”for the good of others”

So I think ppl associate bubbly chatty extremely giving bighearted personality to elain bc of how she was as human, before her life changed completely. But I don’t even see her as that back then? Basically there is a “type” I see assigned to her by fans and for me it’s just not quite there.

There is so much anti-elain content out there so I understand wanting to contradict that and disprove the haters. And I don’t mean to bash anyone, but I guess envisioning her in one “appropriate” way by fans is strange. I hear too many what ifs about her and ppl getting upset at those who don’t agree with the what ifs of her personality/character (those “what ifs” are treated like gospel)

Additionally- I saw a post of yours mention that elain might be disturbed about feyre’s pregnancy and how she might be upset with herself for not being acquainted with her powers to foresee it and I honestly love that. it’s an exciting addition to look forward to about elain, but couldn’t sjm have mentioned that in nesta’s book? Like a scene where the three sisters talk about it or something?? This is what I mean about seeing a lot of expectations for elain’s character. Dont get me wrong I love this idea and I theres a good chance e it’s true, but I have to see it be shown for her character and so far I’ve been given nothing. Also why didn’t anyone tell Elain that the childbirth could harm feyre?? Maybe she could’ve done something! That could add to Elain’s character right! Even if Elain isn’t involved with ic stuff that’s her sister. I mean, Elain was smiling at her sis by the end (could be hiding her pain of sisters almost-death maybe?). Do we really have to wait for Elain’s book to know that she was disturbed by the events of feyre’s childbirth?

An anti-elain thing I see is that she’s not very bright. I don’t agree with this. I’m thinking if she was always aware what was going on bw nesta and feyre could she have done nothing? Especially since nesta has said she would do anything for Elain’s happiness. What of feyre’s happiness u know?

Elain never hurt others like Nesta did but when it’s pointed out how kind she is, I do believe it, but I can’t help but wonder if she showed that kindness to her sister Feyre. Like Feyre is so quick to say that about Elain, and Elain did own up to her mistakes, but it’s hard not to imagine how Feyre must have felt as a kid. feyre is so sure of Elain’s love for her I’m just wondering where that surety comes from because as a reader there’s a bit of a disconnect to what makes feyre feel that way. Could it be feyre’s guilt of them turning fae? And then elain never blaming her sis for it? I think maybe a little of it is that feyre understands elain. Do you think elain is a dreamer im the sense that she wishes good things for all people? Elain did had a chance at happiness due to her family’s love for her, maybe id like to see more of it reflected for her family? Do something big for them? I know she shows them affection constantly, and i love that I think it’s so sweet, but it still doesn’t tell me enough about her. As of now, Elain to me comes off as someone who puts herself first (not selfish but just knows her worth, not self destructive like nesta ), which will be exciting to see from the classic self-sacrificial type of fantasy mc, she is someone who maybe isn’t always quite aware of what she needs to do but she was the will and desire for it, and lastly, though she focuses on her well being she is still aware of the feelings and concerns of those around her.

I guess I see that elain has some flaws and I’m okay with it. She’s probably hard on herself like Nesta is to herself. And I think she’ll probably still have a few hiccups along the way in her book which is always exciting in a book. I don’t tell myself that she’s this perfect, sweet, summerflower child who’s never done anything wrong. I think she is currently lost snd For now, could be changed later)I think that maybe this is the first or one of the few times where elain isn’t the one fully happy while others around her are l so it’s a new thing for her to understand, navigate, and find the happiness within herself and around her (she’s already doing some of that). Maybe she always found the happiness around her from things being good but now needs to find it within? Also she is now finding the part of herself she’s always maybe wanted to. Or now needs to be due to now being fae.

And why would it be wrong if she’s imperfect? What is this obsession with her being perfect knows it all who doesn’t owe anyone anything? Since the fandom likes to talk about these characters like they’re real- elain would most certainly not think of herself that way.

Maybe I’m not seeing it all clearly of her character? Sometimes it is hard for me to keep her character and personality separate I admit. I know she loves her family, I know she’s concerned about a lot that’s going on, but we only get like 1 instance of her showing anything and that’s it. So when the characters just keep saying this and that about Elain’s traits, but Elain is shown having that trait or quality once im ?? Where you at girl?

Ultimately I tell myself that it doesn’t matter how a character begins but rather how and what they grow into. I think being turned fae has forced her to do a lot of growing up (I don’t mean this in a bad way at all. As a reader, I think it’s v interesting)I’m willing to bet if sjm had done more planning from the start i would feel entirely different. I think im at a confusing spot with her character, but at a 100% hopeful&optimistic for her story kind of spot.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and If you don’t answer I completely understand. Frankly, I don’t want to add to any anti-elain discourse ( or even anti- nesta I love her) My intention wasn’t at all to bash Elain’s character. I am absolutely not an anti but if anything comes off sounding anti I apologize. I’m looking for some discussion and understanding of her honestly. I think the most important knowledge I’ve gained from your blog is that elain shouldn’t and can’t be compared to the other female characters of this series especially her sisters. I mean, none of the characters should even be compared, but yeah expecting her to be exactly the way her sisters are is not the way to go about understanding her character. I love your posts about elain and I very much like Elain thanks to you. I’m lowkey obsessed with elucien bc of you. and your posts are what got me interested in her character since you pay attention to her in such a healthy way.

Nothing you said came off harsh at all and I was excited to receive your message!

This is going to be long and rambling so I apologize in advance.

I absolutely agree that some seem to expect too much from Elain, both right now and later, especially when SJM has given us quite a bit of growth from her already and she's not going to become a completely different person.

She started off the series kind but fine with allowing herself to be taken care of. She still had thoughtful moments though, she used her "allowance" from Feyre to buy Feyre paints and to buy her father a new chisel rather than using it all on herself.

But by the end of ACOTAR, she started taking care of Feyre, planning the ball to honor her return, finding her a dress, preparing a horse and a satchel for her.

In ACOMAF, we see her apologize for failing Feyre, we see her willing to risk her engagement by letting Feyre use their manor to meet with the human queens.

In ACOWAR, after she had lost everything, she only spent weeks (maybe 2 months) sitting silently in her room in a depressed state. Then she started learning how to bake (and now helps cook for the IC) and thought of a way to help the humans, by having them head to Graysen's estate. Then she was cruelly rejected by Graysen, was kidnapped a second time but still helped save Briar and Az, then saved Cassian and Nesta (as well as many others) when she stabbed the king but then saw her fathers murdered body.

Though she mourned those things in ACOFAS, she still did not regress. She continued taking care of Feyre and Rhys's garden, began helping those in Velaris with their gardens, continued cooking for the IC. Then in SF we see her stand up to Nesta, see her offer to search for the Trove, see her go to the Hewn Cith with the others despite Feyre offering to let her stay home and despite the fact that it's cruelty bothers her.

I honestly don't know how anyone could expect anything else out of her before her own book and even after her own book, she's not going to morph into someone unrecognizable. She's not going to become a bloodthirsty, dagger wielding spy who thrives on going after the enemy and plotting their demise.

I see some claim she needs to get fed up with the others holding her back, where she'll head off on her own or seek out Lucien to help her. But where in Elain's personality has she ever shown to be rash? Where has she ever shown to be that angry with her sisters that she's going to go behind their backs to prove something? It's exactly like you said, Nesta's arc made sense for Nesta because that was within Nesta's personality.

If Elain has a problem, she addresses it with the person (as we saw in her argument with Nesta) and moves on. She was laughing by the end of SF when Nesta said "fuck you". She nearly watched Feyre and her nephew die in front of her. At the end of SF, Elain and Feyre were beaming at Nesta while Elain held Nyx in her arms.

Where in that is anyone getting the "I'm mad and I'm going to prove them all wrong!" vibe from Elain?

I have a feeling Elain's setup will be that of Rhys coming to Elain for help with something in Spring or the continent and that will kickstart her book. She's already told us that "she's part of the court and will do what is necessary" so all that we need to have happen is Rhys finally asking her to get her hands dirty. Her setup doesn't need to look like Nesta's did.

I do think we're going to see a different version of Elain when she's around her people (Lucien, Vassa, Helion, Jurian, the LoA), but to me that's kind of a given based on SJMs pattern of the FMC coming into her own once she's with her found family. So I do think we'll get more of the outgoing, life of the party version of Elain that we saw in ACOTAR, at least the Elain once she was overseeing their new manor and at the ball.

To your point about Elain feeling guilty, I don't think, if Elain were taking the events of Feyre's pregnancy onto herself, SJM would necessarily tell us that in SF. For one thing, Elain doesn't often share her deepest sorrows and regrets with her sisters. We know she's mourning her father because we're told how often she visited his grave but it's not because she sat down and had a deep heart to heart with Nesta or Feyre over it. Just like we had to wait for SF to see Nesta's complicated emotions over her fathers death, I think we'll have to wait for Elain's book to get inside her head and understand how she's processing everything that has been happening. For another, the end of SF was meant to wrap up Nesta's arc. We were meant to walk away with that HEA vibe for her character, not necessarily focusing on anyone else. I think SJM subtly hinted that we're about to have Elain's story when she closed out the book with the rose carving, when Nesta lets go this symbol of Elain and releases it into the world as a "permanent marker of beauty and good" but I don't think she wanted us majorly focusing on anyone else outside of Nesta and her journey.

For anyone calling Elain dumb, I think ACOFAS and SF prove how intelligent and aware Elain is. After Elain talks of traditions, Feyre notes her wisdom. In SF, Cassian notes how Elain had seen everything about Nesta and understood.

SJM has confirmed that Elain is a quiet dreamer, that she has a different strength than Feyre or Nesta, and that she expresses love openly in a way that Nesta always struggled with so I don't think we can deny those aspects of her personality, I'm not sure why people keep trying to claim her story can only happen if she spirals down the way Nesta did or until she gets angry at their treatment of her. I think it's more important to respect that because Elain is so different from her sisters, the start of her book might look different than what some expect and maybe she's going to simply internalize her frustrations then talk it out with them in her book. If she's even harboring resentment. I mean, SJM already had Elain call Nesta out for treating her like a child, she joined the others in the Hewn City as "part of the court", and she was laughing when Nesta swore at her and nearly lost both Nesta and Feyre at the end of the book so maybe Elain isn't really worried about resenting her sisters right now, maybe she's just glad they're all safe and alive.

I do think Feyre and Nesta see certain aspects of Elain's personality but as all sisters do, I think sometimes they are blinded by other aspects. I also think they at times see her in a way that makes them feel better about things. Like Nesta assuming Elain was fine and settled at the start of SF only for Elain to remind them that she's struggling too. However, I do think Elain isn't truly Elain around them either, that she hides some of who she is. Like Rhys said, she may have been worried about disappointing them.

And yes, Elain has flaws (as they all do). It's funny that some will claim she's one dimensional while complaining about her flaws in the next breath. If she's canonically kind, loving and makes them all laugh at times while also being flawed....then how can she be one dimensional? I think it's because some are expecting her character to look like that of Feyre or Nesta's characters and the other badass female warriors in the series (or her other series). And that's a very narrow minded view, to only think someone is interesting if they look like every other single warrior heroine that SJM has written.

And despite her flaws, she has never lashed out at the other characters and I don't think she's given enough credit for that. She was afraid of the fae yet willingly opened up her home to them, has treated Feyre's found family with kindness from the start, made sure Feyre had a special cake for her birthday and has never blamed Feyre for what happened to her, held Feyre when Feyre was breaking down after Elain's kidnapping (so yes, I do think she has shown Feyre kindness ever since Feyre returned to the human lands in book 1).

Like you said, it's not that she's so much selfish as in "I do what I want regardless of how it affects others" so much as 1) she is more of an optimist and it's not easy for an optimist to understand a pessimists pov because optimists are constantly trying to focus on what's good and 2) she does seem to have a sense of her own worth and isn't going to beat herself down the way Nesta did, at least not to the extreme level did. She can still struggle with things while not self sabotaging. It's the same with Az and Lucien. Both Az and Lucien struggle with self worth and trauma but only one of the two is constantly trying to risk his life in foolish ways, arguing against orders, fixating on things he has no control over (i.e. Mor / mating bonds), brooding, distancing himself from the group. The other, despite his sadness, tries his best to focus on what he can control and I think that's Elain to a tee (T?).

And Elain has been open about the things she wants but she's never forced others to do them for her. For example, Nesta asked Elain whether she wanted to head to Prythian in book 2 or stay and Elain said she had to stay. Because she was engaged. So logically, it makes sense that she would. But never did she insist that Nesta had to stay with her, Nesta chose to stay. Elain should be allowed to make her own choices without someone calling her selfish.

I think she definitely could be labeled as selfish in the first two chapters of ACOTAR but I don't think we can say the same by the end of that first book. Some will claim Elain was selfish for bringing up their father to Nesta when, if she were observant as is claimed, she should have seen Nesta didn't want to talk about him, but.....Elain should be able to talk to her sister about their father because Elain lost him too. The trauma of their fathers death did not soley belong to Nesta (especially considering Elain actually loved him meaning she lost someone she was extremely close with) and while Nesta had a right to say she didn't want to talk about him, Elain is not wrong for attempting to bring him up in the first place.

And your comment:

"Ultimately I tell myself that it doesn’t matter how a character begins but rather how and what they grow into"

is hitting the nail on the head. Elain was meant to start in one place then grow from there but she's not going to grow into her full self until she's with the right people in the right place. I think the reason Elain's personality doesn't jump out to many is because she's not in the right place with the right people, just like Feyre wasn't fully herself in Spring and only came into who she was meant to be once she was in the NC. And maybe the reason there was more room for SJM to show us Nesta's personality was because as soon as Nesta ended up in the NC, she was with the right people in the right place. Her struggle came from letting go of her own self hatred but it was clear that she was free to be herself, even act out, because she belonged.

If Elain was super sassy, bubbly and outgoing in the Night Court then the entire narrative that SJM has built for her falls apart. She's got her full personality on mute because she's still waiting to find her own path with her own people and it's only then that her sisters will finally see her for all that she is too.

That's what I wish some in the fandom would understand about Elain. That they really shouldn't villain-ize a character for at times seeming odd and out of place, where she's in the background and not involved in the way the others because SJM has been hinting at her having to leave the NC before she can become true FMC energy. She's not going to have that energy before her book though even when she does, she's still going to be recognizable. She's still going to be loving and kind, she's still going to make friends easily, she's still going to want sunshine and nature. I think anyone trying to keep her in the NC tries to reason away the fact that they'd be sucking out a major part of her personality by claiming "Velaris has sunshine too! She can just avoid the Hewn City!" That's like saying someone can get the same sunshine in Alaska as they can the Bahamas.

But until it's time for her full arc, SJM has to keep Elain in a bit of a holding pattern since she's been driving home the narrative that she doesn't fit in where she's at. Elain isn't boring or worthless, she's just waiting for a reason to leave the NC and do her thing (again, something that won't happen until her book) and her individual journey can not be compared to Nesta's because no matter how much she fought it, Nesta always belonged in the NC and it was made clear to readers from the start.

[sinfulwrites]

An Open Letter.

To you.

Hello everyone.

I made this blog back in 2021, and since then I’ve been so lucky to garner as many followers and mutals. More than I ever expected to have. When I started this blog, it wasn’t to build a following, but instead to be a platform to post the works I was too embarrassed to share with any of the people who knew me. To this day, this reigns true, aside from the embarrassment. This blog helped me gain confidence to stand by what I enjoy, even if others think it’s weird. Seeing so many people enjoy what I wrote and relate to what I was saying helped me grow as a person, a person I’m much more proud of than the person who made this blog back in 2021.

Obviously, I have been away for a while. A whole year, I believe. My life has changed drastically since I started writing, it all changed when I met my now fiance @general-nerdy, all through my little stories. I won’t be too sappy, but to say she changed my life would be an understatement. I moved from my home to live with her, and our lives have had lots of ups and downs along the way. Life got busy, much busier than I was anticipating. Soon, I completely forgot about writing. My brain was so fried, I couldn’t even try to write out a sentence. Soon, writing just wasn’t a priority in my life anymore. My life was, my then girlfriend was. It was just like the stories I would write, except better, since I actually got to be a part of my own story. 

Now and then, however, I would come back to my blog. Read my old works. Read over old conversations with some mutuals. Look back on my old asks. I’m still surprised I managed to write all I did for the people requesting works, I feel if I tried now I wouldn’t be as successful. 2021 me was a different beast entirely. 

I remember when I was younger, I would always get so sad and frustrated when someone I followed would stop writing. Back then I had no idea what went into maintaining a blog like this, and the blog itself is only a fraction of it. Maintaining relationships with my followers, keeping up with deadlines I would give myself to post my work… It’s all so much more work than I was ever anticipating. It’s ironic now that I look back on it, I became the very author I used to be upset with when I was younger. I hate to let everyone down, especially since I know how many people enjoyed my works and enjoyed engaging with me. My time on my blog will be forever held dear to me, regardless of whether or not my blog goes back to how it was back then.

I want to write again. I want to tap into my creative juices and I want to share it all with you. I don’t know when that will be, I can’t promise anything; I won’t promise anything. Not if I can’t keep the promise. But I want to. Here’s to hoping! And to all my new followers, welcome to the blog! I hope I can get to know all of you as well.

Also, for the people invested in Chromeskull has entered the chat, me and @general-nerdy have been hard at work on the latest chapter! Hoping to post it soon.

Thank you.

sinfulwrites

[sol-consort]

heyy its the Jack hc’s anon. I was thinking like affection/fluff hc’s about her and Shepard(either Renegade or Paragon) Cannon gives us so little about her apart from the 1 scene in me2 and m3 :(( Or maybe a scenario of a Renegade!Shepard actually taking up her offer to go pirate after the Suicide mission instead of heading to Earth? She’s such a ride or die of a person that i can 100% see it happening. Now that I’m replaying the games actually (just finished 2 again) it seems so out of character for like 80% of the crew to just give Shepard up with little to no fight or maybe that’s just my opinion. I have a. love/hate relationship with the writing of the end of ME2. What are your thoughts on it?( or maybe im just heading in with too much expectation after playing BG3)

a little personal headcannon of mine is that she writes Shepard short poems but refuses to show them to anyone :)

Alright, I've added fluffy Jack headcanons to my list! I'll post it in some days.

And omfg yes! Poetry! I've read the Shadowbroker intel on her and god her poem was actually good. It's so endearing how she managed to find an artistic release for her emotions, especially with how much she tries hard to appear tough on the surface.

I see her writing down her emotions on Shepard since the first time her heart fluttered, and up to the time she actually admitted her feelings. How she's not used to this. Sex is just sex, nothing big. But love? Actual love? She feels like a fish out of water. Very clumsily trying to find her way through this.

For the pirate thing, I actually theorise that she didn't mean it when she first suggested it. That she just said that to get Shepard to leave Cerberus and maybe Jack planned to bacstab you afterwards.

But Ironically, the more she got to know you afterwards, the more she fell in love and the pirate offer with her as your executionor starting sounding a little too sincere. What started as a manipulation tactic, quickly evolved into a genuine dream of hers that she hoped you wouldn't forget.

For Paragon Shepard, they do surrender themselves to the alliance right? I'm not sure what Renegade Shepard does but I don't think they'd want to make themselves a wanted war criminal on the run, Renegade priorities their self interest first and still holding onto their hero fame and statues by complying with the alliance seems the most self serving even if they hate it.

I romanced Thane, and he mentioned that he tried to get in touch, but the Alliance blocked all his attempts. And he's like a master assassin. He never uses his real name or leaves a trail behind. So imagine how intense the security must have been around Shepard.

Even Miranda needs our help to get access to the Alliance files in ME3. Miranda. The Alliance really are no joke, and even Cerberus struggle with them, so imagine being one pirate on the run from them.

I assume everyone else also tried to get into contact with Shepard but got blocked or stopped before anything could reach their commander. Especially since Shepard was kept on earth, any alien would stand out there, and hitting the hornet's nest is never a good idea.

The only ones with the slightest chance of making it to Shepard would've been Joker, Ashley, and Kaidan.

For me the ending of ME2 with the batarians whole things just feels...forced? Like they needed Shepard to do something drastic so they threw it in. The reapers coming through the relay felt so out of place with the whole collectors thing.

Because the do come eventually, they do arrive later in ME3 so what difference did it make but make Shepard go under court for a while? They did it to delay the reapers and give people more time to prepare for the war, but no one prepared shit. They arrive and kick earth in the balls and all of thos batarians died for nothing.

I mean at least if they had died from the reapers then the blood wouldn't have been on Shepard's hands, and the rest of the galaxy would've had a little bit more time to prepare while the reapers are busy with the batarians. Earth wouldn't have been patient number zero.

If they had believed Shepard, It would've have been worth it. But they didn't, nothing changed. And now I'm just more pissed at the asair and how the favouritism they got from the protheons and the way they threw it away and hoarded knowledge.

I am also pissed at Liara's response to thussia when Shepard and Garrus both witnessed the literal same thing but oh it's okay for humans and turians to watch their planets burn, it's only bad when the poor asari have it done to them because they're hot you see :(

Like I usually adore Liara and her writing, she proves your expectations wrong at every turn but they massively dropped the ball with Thussia and making her have a breakdown over it when she hasn't showed the slightest remorse for when earth was burning or Garrus saw the city he was born in ablaze. I feel like they made her weaker on purpose just to have a scene of us comforting her, when normal Liara would've took it in stride like the soldier shadowbroker she is.

Also I adore Jack's character development in ME3 because that's exactly the direction I hoped they'd go for when I took her on the biotics field suicide mission in ME2. My vision was that I wanted to show her that she can protect others with her biotics and not just harm people.

And that's exactly what she does with her little guys, she is so protective of them and encouraging. She knows what it's like to grow up alone with no friends, she has had it worse than most kids and she felt all the pain. Yet she gave her students none of the pain, she broke the cycle of abuse by herself without our help and wanted to be a better person for them.

She wanted to become the person she needed most when she was a kid, I admire her for that.

[regenderate-fic]

In the Aftermath

Fandom: Doctor Who Ships: Fourteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan Characters: Fourteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan Rating: General Word Count: 3,688 Other Tags: Reunions

Read on AO3

Summary: Finally ready to explain everything, the Doctor knocks on Yaz's door.

NOTES: i feel like i haven't posted anything in a million years… hi everyone :)

Yaz didn't expect the knock on her door.

For one thing, it was late at night. She'd just gotten home from a busy shift, and she was sort of looking forward to sprawling out on her sofa with a takeaway and some truly awful television. She was glad she'd gone for the EMT course, but wow, did Sheffield have some exhausting emergencies. 

For another thing, no one just… knocked on her door. They texted ahead of time to ask if they could come by. Especially at this time of night. 

The knock came again. Yaz sighed. Probably one of her neighbors was locked out or something. Well, if that was the case, she was the right person to ask, after that lockpicking demo Houdini had given her, and then all the practice she'd gotten. She made her way to the door—

—and opened it to a total stranger. Middle aged white man, by all appearances, and not one of her neighbors, or at least, she would've remembered if one of her neighbors had hair like that and went around matching their trousers to their waistcoat. Or went around wearing a waistcoat at all, for that matter—

Hang on. That fashion sense—something felt familiar. 

This wasn't a stranger. 

Yaz's heart leapt into her throat. 

She could see it in the way they held themself, the way they were rocking back on their heels, the way their silence hung brightly in front of them as they waited for her to make the first move. She opened her mouth, only to realize she had no idea what to say—

What came out was, “It's midnight.”

“Oh. Sorry. Lost track of—”

“Yeah, I know.” Yaz raised her eyebrows. “So are you going to come in, or what?”

“Oh! Right! Yes! Coming in!” Their accent had changed, Yaz noted. She wasn't sure why she'd expected it to stay the same. Now she thought about it, she wondered why the change hadn't been more drastic—they'd been Scottish before, she was pretty sure, and then Northern, and now London, but why did they seem limited to just the one island when there was a whole world full of Anglophone accents out there? 

She shook her head. It didn't matter. She stepped away from the doorframe, and they followed her into the kitchen. 

“Nice place,” they remarked, looking around. Yaz followed their gaze. There was nothing particularly special about her kitchen—it had come with the flat, and featured the nondescript wooden cupboards and white counters. She’d hung up some string lights, and she kept the place clean, but mostly it looked like any other kitchen in any other rented flat.

“Nice enough,” she said. She nodded at the electric kettle, which was blowing steam in the corner. “I was just making a cup of tea. D’you want one?”

“Oh, sure.” 

Yaz glanced over at them. Their eye was still moving around the space, taking everything in—yes, definitely familiar. And the way they slouched against one of the counters, head tilted back… Yaz felt a pang of bittersweet affection, so intense and sudden she had to look away.

“What sort of tea?” she asked. “Matcha? Chamomile? Peppermint? Earl Grey?” She glanced back. “Bit late for caffeine, if you’re constrained to linear time—” 

“No, yes, that’s a good point.” They nodded. “Better be chamomile, then.”

“Right.” Yaz opened her tea drawer, plucked out two chamomile teabags, dropped them into the mugs, filled the mugs with hot water. She picked them both up and turned, holding one out as an offering—they took it, turning a critical eye to the galaxy-print mug.

“This is nice,” they said.

“Thanks,” Yaz said. “Gift from Sonya.”

“Right, right. How is Sonya?”

“Same as always.” Yaz smiled. “Still a menace.”

They laughed. “Sorry to hear it.” 

Yaz raised her eyebrows. “So. What have you been up to?” 

“Er—” Their eyes darted around the room, and yes, that was familiar too, the way they looked at their surroundings like a cornered prey animal, as if it was their house and Yaz was the one who'd knocked on the door late at night. “Could we maybe sit down?”

“‘Course.” Yaz led them to the little table in the corner of the room. They sat across from her, and Yaz eyed them as they sipped slowly from the galaxy-print mug. “You're different,” she said. 

They tilted their head to the side, attentive, but they didn’t say anything. They just looked at her, brows drawn together, waiting to hear what she would say next. 

Yaz swallowed. “I mean—” What did she mean? “You never used to be able to sit still like that.” She nodded at their arms, crossed at their chest, and their feet, planted firmly on the ground, and their eyes, trained entirely on Yaz. “How long has it been?”

“Oh, not so long. Few weeks, maybe?”

Yaz’s eyebrows shot up. “A few weeks?”

“Yes, I know, I should’ve come sooner—”

“Doctor,” Yaz said. “It’s been over a year.”

They went quiet at that. 

“I’ve been here, worried about you, for over a year.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Yaz’s eyes widened. It wasn’t just that they’d apologized—the Doctor had done that plenty. But the way they said it—slowly, carefully, with mavity and weight behind it—even though she'd begged and pled for this, Yaz had never, ever thought she'd actually get it. Especially not a full year after she’d walked out of the TARDIS forever. 

“I shouldn't have kicked you out.” They took a deep breath. “I should've told you what was going on. I—” They were studying their hand, tilting it back and forth in front of them. “I wasn't ready yet. It's not an excuse, I just—” They shook their head. “I'm sorry,” they said again, and they looked just enough like a kicked puppy that Yaz couldn't help but smile. 

“I've missed you,” she said.

“I've missed you too.”

“You've really hurt me.” Yaz found herself fiddling with the string on her teabag, her fingers twisting so that it twined around them, staring at the thin lines the tea-stained thread left in her skin. “UNIT had to find me a therapist who wouldn't tell me I was delusional.”

They grimaced. “I've got one too. Also from UNIT. Not the same one, I hope.”

“I’d assume not,” Yaz said. “Being your therapist is probably a full-time job on its own, actually. No time for other clients.”

They laughed. “Quite right. That's part of why I'm here, actually.” They hesitated. “Well—not here, here. Although—that too. But I mean—on Earth, here.”

“What, so you can do therapy?” Yaz tried to imagine it. How did their sessions even go? 

“Sort of.” They paused. “I had—maybe you could call it an out-of-body experience?”

Yaz raised her eyebrows. 

“Or—an in-body experience, but with another body, also mine, next to me.” They shake their head. “It's a long story. I'll tell it, if you like, but—” They took a deep breath. “What I came here to say is, I'm sorry I hurt you.”

Yaz suppressed a gasp. 

The Doctor had never looked at her like this, had never met her eyes with so few reservations, so few barriers. 

“Therapy’s working, then?” she joked, and then she winced, because this was no time for that sort of joke. “Sorry. I mean—” She returned their eye contact and exhaled, dispelling all her self-consciousness and worry so that she could mean it, totally and completely, when she said, “Thank you.”

She saw the moment they heard it, the moment the tension went out of their shoulders, the moment they sighed in relief. After a long inhale, they added, “Can I—I mean—do you still want to hear everything? Can I tell you?” 

Yaz looked at them. It had been over a year since she’d seen them last—over a year since Let’s not say goodbye, since Can we just live in the present?, since I want to tell you everything. She’d done a lot, in that year. Spent time learning how to be on her own, how to be herself, how to live an interesting life even if the Doctor wasn’t there. And she’d come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t know, could never know, what it was that had the Doctor racing from adventure to adventure, chasing after total strangers, putting herself and Yaz in constant danger.

But—here they were. The Doctor. Every cell in their body had changed, and they’d still come back for Yaz.

She swallowed. “Okay,” she said. “I’d like that.”

“You remember,” the Doctor began, “when we went to Gallifrey?”

Yaz nodded. She remembered only too well: the strange, shining portal; running into a jarringly unfamiliar TARDIS; the Doctor’s tear-stained face.

“The Master showed me something from Time Lord history.” The Doctor set down their mug. “Something—about me, as it turned out.”

Yaz waited.

“They lied to me.” The Doctor’s voice was low and rough. “They said I was one of them.”

“And you're not?”

The Doctor shook their head. “They—this woman—she found me.”

“Found you?”

“As a kid. Found me, took me in.” They took a deep breath. “Did you know, there wasn't always such a thing as a Time Lord? It's a rank, not a species. Got a bit muddled, later on, but—” A long pause. “I was the first.” The way they said it—Yaz could hear the tears in their voice. They sounded so childlike, so helpless—and they continued—“They didn't have regeneration before me. I fell—died—came back—” They looked up at Yaz. “My adopted mother was a scientist.”

The words hung in the air for a long moment. 

“She—” Yaz began, unsure how to ask the question. 

“She experimented on me. Killed me, over and over again. Figured out how to use my regeneration energy on herself. Made me work for her military organization. And then, when she was done with me, she wiped my memory and made me do my childhood over again.”

Yaz’s hands were trembling on her mug. She set it down. “That's awful.” 

“I met her.” 

“What, recently?”

“When I got turned into an angel.” When Yaz had spent four years traveling the world, trying to get back to the Doctor. “They took me to her. She was—she was destroying the universe because of me.”

Yaz frowned. “What's the logic there?”

“She thought I was a threat to her organization,” the Doctor said. “I don't—it doesn't make sense. I'm not sure it's supposed to make sense.” They paused. “She was trying to start over. With another universe. Because I had ruined her plans for the first one.”

“That's—” Yaz stopped short. There weren't words to describe what that was. 

“It’s not an excuse,” the Doctor said. “For how I treated you, I mean.”

Yaz tilted her head to the side. “Isn’t it? I mean—I spent years trying to figure out what could’ve happened that you were reacting like that. Trying to figure out what—in any universe—could justify the way you were acting.” She shook her head. “This—I mean—it blows all my old theories out of the water.”

“Oh? What theories were those?”

“Thought you might’ve stolen something. Or had something stolen from you. Or else you were just sad that Gallifrey was destroyed. Or maybe there was something with you and the Master I didn’t know about.”

“You weren’t far off, then,” the Doctor said. “Something was stolen from me, and I’ve stolen plenty. And I’ll always be sad about Gallifrey, and the Master.” Suddenly, in the dim light of the kitchen at midnight, Yaz could see every exhausted line in the Doctor’s face, the weariness in their eyes. They were thousands of years old. It was easy to forget, when they looked like any other human, but now it was impossible to overlook—Yaz could feel the full weight of all those years seeping through the Doctor’s expression. “It’s just that there’s more. So much more. And I never would’ve known if the Master hadn’t told me.”

“Doctor,” Yaz breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t you go apologizing to me,” the Doctor said. “Not when I came here to apologize to you.”

Yaz smiled. “It’s not like apology is a limited resource. I think there’s enough to go around.”

“Suppose you’re right.” The Doctor looked at her, their hand absently tracing the rim of their mug. “You seem to be doing all right for yourself?”

“Could be worse.” Yaz shrugged. “Place is nice. I’ve got a good job. Some days I forget my family thinks I’m four years younger than I actually am.” She fiddled with her teabag. “Feels like a dream, sometimes. The time I spent with you. If I didn’t have the others, maybe I’d believe it was one.” 

“The others—Ryan and Graham?”

“Them too,” Yaz said. She looked at the Doctor. “Hang on, has no one told you?”

“Told me what?”

“Tegan and Ace started a support group,” Yaz said. “For all your old friends.” 

The Doctor’s mouth dropped open. “Hang on. Is Mel involved? Mel Bush?”

Yaz nodded.

“And she didn’t tell me?” They looked so hurt, Yaz had to laugh.

“I think you not knowing about it is sort of the point,” she said. 

“Still. I will be having words with Mel.” 

“Was wondering why I hadn’t heard from her in a couple weeks. Thought it was just that she was busy with UNIT.”

“Well, in fairness, UNIT was taking up a good deal of her time.” 

Yaz hesitated. “Was that—I mean, when the whole world went totally unreasonable, and me and Ryan and Ace were on Sheffield cleanup duty? Ace said UNIT was involved. She kept passing on messages from Kate.”

“You’re not working with them, then?”

Yaz shook her head. “Kate offered. All felt a bit too military for me. There’s a reason I quit the police.” She paused. “But, you know, something comes up, I help where I can. Didn’t love being the only sane EMT in Sheffield, mind.” 

“Oh, you're an EMT now?”

“Why did you think I was up so late?” Yaz smiled. “Evening shift. Just passed the training a couple months ago.”

The Doctor smiled back, their eyes bright and warm. “Yasmin Khan,” they said. “Look at you. Still saving lives.”

“Doctor,” Yaz parroted. “Look at you. Slowing down.”

“Oh, don't worry. I'm still traveling. Same as ever. Just taking breaks in between.” They hesitated. “You could join me, one of these days. Quick trip. Can almost guarantee it won't be dangerous.”

Yaz had spent a whole year coming to terms with the fact that she would never travel with the Doctor again. It had taken her months to really, truly, accept that as fact. Getting in the TARDIS again could undo all that progress—but she looked at the Doctor, so different but so very unchanged, and a soft, warm feeling expanded in her chest at the thought of traveling with them again. 

“I’d like that,” she said. And then her brain caught up to her mouth, and she added, “Only one trip at a time, and you'll have to get me back to the time and place we left. I've got a job I like now, and I don't fancy losing it ‘cause my alien friend from outer space keeps taking me on adventures.”

The Doctor’s eyes were loaded with affection. “Quite right.” 

“Text me beforehand, too,” Yaz added. “None of this materializing out of nowhere business.” 

“Your number’s the same?” the Doctor checked.

Yaz nodded.

“All right, then. I’ll text you.” They paused. “I’m getting better at all this scheduling business, you know. Living as a human, and all that. Actually, you should come by my house sometime. Should’ve offered that before the time travel.” 

“You have a house?” 

“Oi, what’s so surprising about that?” the Doctor asked. “It’s in London. Decent size place, all for me, only I’ve got some friends—family, sort of—who’re always around. The TARDIS is nice, but it’s hardly got a mailing address.”

“Are people sending you letters?” Yaz asked.

“Mostly bills,” the Doctor mumbled. “Y’know. For the house.” 

“So, you need a house so you can have a mailing address, and you need the mailing address so you can get bills for the house?” Yaz was holding back laughter, and doing a terrible job of hiding it.

“I didn’t come here to be mocked,” the Doctor protested. “Thrown out, all right, that would’ve been fine. Expected it, really. But—mockery? That’s too far. Anyway, without a house, I wouldn’t have a garden, would I? And without a garden, no one would come round for tea, and I quite like having people come round for tea. I could have you come round for tea! Pick you up in the TARDIS, have you there and back in an afternoon—”

Yaz carefully did not mention the miles and miles of gardens she’d walked through on the TARDIS. “I’d be honored,” she said. “And maybe I can meet these friends of yours?”

The Doctor’s face lit up. “Yes! Brilliant! You’ll like my friends. They’ll love you. Well, you already know Mel, of course, but Donna—she’s sort of a special case. Didn’t remember me—couldn’t—until she could again—and she’s got this daughter, and—oh, you’ll love them. I love them.”

Yaz felt a rush of affection for the Doctor, her Doctor, that overeager alien sitting in her living room, drinking tea and talking a mile a minute, full of enthusiasm, full of love for the universe and everything in it, despite all this universe had taken from them. 

“I’m sure I will,” she said. She set down her mug on the table. “You know, it’s good to see you again. Wasn’t sure I would. Wasn’t sure I wanted to.”

“I wasn’t going to come,” the Doctor said. “Not yet, anyway. Except I told Donna about you—about everything—and she said if I didn’t at least try to apologize, she’d slap me across the face.”

“Good friend, that Donna.”

The Doctor beamed. “I know.” They took a deep breath, their smile settling into a more serious expression. “Really, though. Thank you for not slamming the door in my face.” 

“Anytime.” 

“And—” The Doctor hesitated. “I’ll go in a moment—don’t want to disrupt anything—

“It’s all right—”

“—but I had one more thing I wanted to say to you. If you’ll hear it.” They were fiddling with the teabag again, avoiding Yaz’s eyes in a way that made her a little nervous. She’d already heard the Doctor’s deepest secret—what else could they say?

“Of course I’ll hear it,” she said anyway.

The Doctor nodded. “Right. It’s just that—I seem to be more open, this time round, even without the rest and the therapy. And it occurs to me that there are loads of people I can never see again, never talk to. And most of those people, I never really told them what I wanted to tell them. Particularly, I never really told them how I—what they meant to me.”

Yaz found herself chewing on her lower lip. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Their eyes were glistening. “And it occurs to me, I suppose, that I never told you either, not really, not properly, and—well, I’m lucky you’re still here, aren’t I?”

Yaz waited. 

“So—” They swallowed. “In the name of healing, and being open, and all the people I’ve missed the chance to say it to—I just wanted to tell you that I really did love you, Yasmin Khan. Still do.”

Yaz felt tears in her eyes and an ache in her throat before she’d even fully processed what they’d said. She stood, and the Doctor stood too—she took two big steps to reach them and pulled them into a tight hug. Her head rested against their shoulder, and they dropped their forehead forward to rest against her hair. They were taller now, their arms a little longer, their hair prickly with gel for some reason, and it took Yaz a second to adjust to the unfamiliar familiarity of their cool skin and warm breath. 

“I think I’ll always love you,” she whispered, as close as she could come to a true confession, and she felt the contradiction of the Doctor’s back and shoulder muscles relaxing while their arms tightened around her. Yaz held on for another moment, partially basking in the peace the Doctor’s touch brought, partially horrified that she could fall back into this so easily, and then she pulled back. “I’ll see you soon? I have Thursday off—”

“Thursday, then,” the Doctor said. “I’ll text you.” 

“Right.” Yaz held their eyes for another long moment. Finally, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to the Doctor’s cheek. “I’ll see you Thursday. And you can introduce me to all your friends. And tell Mel we miss her at the support group, yeah?”

“‘Course.” The Doctor gave her a two-fingered salute, at which Yaz rolled her eyes good-naturedly. 

“Have a safe trip home,” she deadpanned, sure the TARDIS was parked around the corner or something, waiting to take the Doctor back to their brand new house.

“I will, thanks.” The Doctor grinned. “Did you know, UNIT’s kept my old car from when I was stuck on Earth in the ‘70’s?”

Yaz’s jaw dropped. “You drove here?”

“Told you I was settling down a bit, didn’t I?” 

“Then I wish a safe trip to everyone who has the misfortune of sharing the road with you,” Yaz teased. 

“Oi, I’m not that bad. Don’t want to risk damage to the car. She’s an antique.”

Yaz waved a hand. “Get out of here before I start making fun of you for calling your car she.”

“Her name’s Bessie,” the Doctor added, but they were already backing away from Yaz, towards the door. “I’ll text you when I get back to London, if that’ll help your peace of mind.”

“Sure,” Yaz said, shaking her head. “I’ll see you Thursday.” 

“See you.” The Doctor left, the door swinging shut behind them, and Yaz sank back down into her chair. 

She was going to have a lot to tell her therapist this week. 

And yet when she woke up, the next morning, to a text from the Doctor—Home safe!—she couldn’t help but smile.

...

END NOTES: you can pry the mavity bit from my cold dead hands.

also i have a couple ideas for more stories after this one, i wanted to have them talk a bit more about the doctor's gender in this one but i realized that's probably a later conversation, and then also i have a picture of yaz and the doctor winding up in a bit of a relationship but explicitly polyamorous and yaz getting a new partner who's just a normal human and slowly figures out that something Weird is going on with their metamour(s).

[monthofsick]

No second chance for a first impression

Nov(emeto)ber 2022, Day 2: Hiding it (or at least trying to)

OCs: Calvin, Cassandra

This one's a bit of a slow burner. I'm often too impatient to draw out the nausea part, but the "desperately trying to hold it in" trope seemed so fitting for today's prompt.

TW: Vomit

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sometimes, the unwritten laws of social behavior made the simplest things incredibly complicated. It was such a fine line between friendship and romance, easily crossed with a single step. But for some reason, it was commonly seen as the most drastic of changes. All of a sudden, there was so much more at stake and the shift in dynamic created a ripple effect, strong enough to tear an entire circle of friends apart.

And still – Calvin couldn’t deny that he liked Cassandra. Liked her in more than just a friendly way, and it only got worse over time. She was obviously gorgeous, but the real issue began after he got to know her better when she wasn’t with Natalia. Nat and Cas were high school besties – an unlikely friendship between the glamorous queen bee and the nerdy art fanatic. Maybe the obvious difference in popularity was the reason why Natalia’s personality rubbed off on Cassandra way more than the other way around.

Cassandra was strong, undoubtedly, but Calvin wondered if the in-your-face confidence and feisty attitude were acquired traits to hold her ground next to a natural born diva. It was exciting to discover her creative and quirky side. Her dreams and plans and favorite things. The countless craft projects she had started, but never finished. It was like pieces of a puzzle coming together until everything made sense.

If only there weren’t so many pitfalls if Calvin dared to make the first move. If Cassandra rejected him, their interactions would inevitably become awkward for all eternity. If she was ready to take the leap, but they would eventually break up, their friendship would be doomed. And no matter if their relationship worked out or not, it had the potential to shatter their friend group.

Long story short, Calvin wasn’t quite ready to go all in, but he still used every opportunity to spend time with Cassandra. So when she invited him to her little sister’s school performance, he was over the moon. Due to the limited number of seats in the auditorium, every family was only allowed to bring one friend, and Cas had chosen him – not Natalia, him. Calvin decided to dress for the occasion with a dark grey jacket, a petrol coloured sweater and black chinos.

A good first impression was especially important since the whole thing felt a bit too close to meeting his future in-laws for the first time. Calvin’s anticipation was soon overshadowed by increasing anxiety. As he finally arrived at their meeting point in front of the school, his stomach was in knots. It didn’t help that Cassandra looked absolutely stunning in her light blue dress with puffy sleeves, an empire waistline and a short, yet very voluminous skirt. Just in case she needed anything more than her unicorn hair to stand out from the crowd.

Doing his best to hide his nerves behind a smile, Calvin approached Cassandra and her family. Her parents were formally and modestly attired, a stark contrast to their daughter’s preferred clothing style. Calvin had worried that he might be overdressed, now he almost regretted not showing up in a complete suit.

„Hey, Cal, over here!“, Cassandra waved as she noticed him. „Mom, Dad, this is Calvin.“

„It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Petrakis“, Calvin greeted and shook their hands with a firm grip, hoping his palms wouldn’t be sticky. „Thank you for having me.“

„It’s a pleasure“, Cassandra’s mother replied. Her tone was polite, but it lacked cordiality.

„You look younger than I expected“, Mr. Petrakis remarked. Whatever that was supposed to mean. Calvin felt a drop of sweat running down his back.

„Oh, yes, I get carded all the time“, he laughed and scratched his head.

„Our daughter told us that you are a very responsible and hardworking young man.“ Mrs. Petrakis‘ facial expression was impossible to read, but for some reason, her seemingly kind words made Calvin even more uncomfortable. „We hope you can have a positive influence on our Cassandra. She seems to believe that a solid education is out of fashion.“

„Or a solid marriage“, Cassandra’s father added. Calvin felt a lump in his throat. His intuition hadn’t deceived him, this was uncomfortable as hell.

„…or maybe we could not have this conversation right now.“ Cassandra’s smile had turned from genuine to forced in record time. „Let’s go inside before the buffet is empty and the best seats are taken, shall we?“

„You can tell me more about your academic ambitions later“, Mr. Petrakis said and gave Calvin a pat on the shoulder. „Now let’s watch our beautiful Carissa sing. She even has a solo part.“

Calvin and Cassandra exchanged one last look before they followed her parents into the brightly lit school building.

-

The variety of savory, sweet (and rather greasy) treats looked enticing in theory, but Calvin wasn’t hungry at all. Maybe it was because his nerves hadn’t been given a chance to calm down yet. He grabbed one of the tuna sandwiches and a large cup of water, hoping no one would notice that he spent most of the time drinking instead of eating. The white bread was soggy and bland. Calvin was glad when they finally entered the auditorium and took their seats. Cassandra placed herself between Calvin and her parents.

„Sorry, I should have warned you“, she whispered into his ear.

„Nah, it’s fine.“ The last thing Calvin wanted was to make her feel even more embarrassed than she probably already was. If he ever wanted to be more than just a friend for Cassandra, he had to get along with her parents anyways. Problem was, he didn’t feel fine at all. The small triangle of toast he had consumed refused to settle in his stomach. He took the last sip of water from his cup, but that only made things worse. Maybe drinking so much hadn’t been a good idea. Calvin felt the liquid sloshing around in his belly, accompanied by a gurgling noise.

For a moment, Calvin thought about taking a trip to the restroom. But then again, the performance was about to begin and he really didn’t want to squeeze by Cassandra’s parents and the other people in their row. It would probably get better on its own if he just focused on deep breaths and tried to relax.

The big show started only moments later, validating Calvin’s decision not rush off to the toilet. He shifted around in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position. A stern‑looking lady on stage gave an overly long speech before the choir finally entered the spotlight. Cassandra nudged Calvin with her elbow and pointed at a girl with long black hair. Calvin nodded, hoping he hadn’t winced in pain. The slight push had hit him like a blade in the intestines, followed by a series of cramps.

Calvin placed a hand on his abdomen. There was definitely something going on beneath his palm – a constant bubbling and boiling under the bloated, sensitive surface. He felt queasy and began to doubt if it was actually just his anxiety.

At last, the choir broke into a rendition of Imagine, drowning out the angry growls Calvin’s stomach produced. But even though the students created beautiful harmonies, the strong sensory impression only fueled his nausea. Calvin clung to the mantra he repeated inside of his head – inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. It didn’t make him feel any better, but at least it gave him something to focus on.

Two songs later, things had only gotten worse. At this point, Calvin felt his shirt sticking to his back. Why did he have to wear so many layers anyways? He couldn’t tell if he was just warm or feverish. Another jab hit Calvin‘s side and he could barely hold back a moan. Fighting hard not to show any signs of his growing discomfort, Calvin leaned towards Cassandra as she brought her lips up to his ear.

„Next is Carissa’s solo.“ Her breath tickled as she spoke. Under different circumstances, it would have probably turned him on. Now it messed with his senses even more. He made a sound that resembled mhm, then stared at the stage again. His stomach heaved like an elevator, riding straight up towards his throat. To Calvin’s horror, it actually brought up a mouthful of warm fluid. He instantly swallowed it back down, but it left a bitter taste and a mean sting.

Calvin felt like the excess water inside of his belly was foaming as if he had ingested washing powder. There was no way he could leave right now, just before Carissa’s big performance. On the other hand, there was no doubt he would be banished forever from the Petrakis household if he ruined their beloved daughter’s solo by puking all over the guy in front of him. He had to hold it in, even though it seemed like a losing battle.

The sweet melody of Somewhere over the Rainbow filled the room. Carissa was illuminated by a single beam of light. Her voice was enchanting – clear, bright and innocent like that of an angel. Calvin took a peak at Cassandra and saw that tears welled in her eyes. She was often annoyed by her younger sister, but she still loved her. She was proud. Just thinking about her anger and disappointment if Calvin destroyed this special moment felt like punch in the gut.

Maybe it was the mental pressure on top of the nausea that caused his stomach to cramp again, sending up a surge of vomit. Calvin clamped his lips together and forced the foul tasting liquid back down. It caused his stomach to churn and twist even harder. The acidic taste of spoiled tuna made his mouth water for all the wrong reasons. No matter how often Calvin swallowed, the saliva would rapidly fill up again. His abdominal muscles wouldn’t stop tensing, determined to initiate the purging process.

Never had a song felt so much like an excrutiating eternity. Calvin’s breath had become shallow, he barely dared to move his body at all. When finally, the last note faded out and the audience gave a well-deserved applause, it took every bit of Calvin’s strength to share an enthusiastic smile with Cassandra. He knew that she expected some kind of glowing reaction, so he clapped and nodded and prayed internally that it looked like he had thoroughly enjoyed the show. Cassandra seemed to buy his act, probably due to the bad lighting.

There was no time for relief. The next song followed immediately, and so did another gush of sick. It flooded Calvin’s mouth and assaulted his tastebuds with the flavor of rotten fish. Swallowing suddenly seemed like a complicated exercise and he needed several attempts until he finally managed to choke down the regurgitated mess. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it again. Standing up didn’t seem like a managable task either. The movement was probably enough to make his entire stomach contents burst out of him.

Calvin didn’t have much time to think of a rescue plan. His belly was fed up with his stubbornness and convulsed painfully. Now it was a much bigger wave that rushed up his esophagus. Out of sheer desperation, Calvin bent over like he was feeling for something on the floor. His cheeks bulged out, but he couldn’t clutch his mouth with a hand – he needed one to pretend he was fumbling around and the other one to reach for the cup he had emptied before. The only dam between him and the storm tide were his lips, pressed together as tightly as he could.

Careful not to make a suspicious movement, Calvin brought the cup to his mouth, begging that it was big enough to contain the flood. Then he finally parted his lips and let the vomit pour into the container. It wasn’t as much as he had feared, but he wasn’t done yet. Another stream of liquidy puke shot up his throat and it took all of Calvin’s body control to let it out with nothing but a muffled hck. The cup filled up quickly with milky fluid and shreds of tuna. Calvin knew that he had to stop now if he didn’t want to risk that his receptacle would overflow. Unfortunately, the stench of his own sick was enough to make him gag again. The fact that he was doubled over so much that his face was hidden between his legs, didn’t help either to fight the force of gravity.

With his eyes pressed shut, Calvin brought up a thicker mush of tuna paste and toast lumps. They plopped into the pool of vomit, causing it to rise even more and more, filling up his cup to the brim – but not enough to break the surface tension. Calvin took a few breaths through his mouth before he was certain that nothing else would come out of him. As carefully as humanly possible, he placed the barf cup under his seat and wiped his mouth. The nasty brewage had smelled absolutely sickening when it had been right under his nose, but since it was mostly water, he hoped that the odor wasn’t strong enough to alert his seat neighbors. Calvin braced himself before he casually sat up again.

The first thing he saw was Cassandra, staring at him with wide eyes.

She knew. She had noticed. Of course she had – it was an impossible mission to throw up discretely in a row of seats. Calvin’s cheeks radiated heat and he couldn’t bear to look at her any longer. He felt thoroughly defeated and humiliated. Wrapping his arms around his aching stomach, he sank further into his seat and waited for the nightmare to be over.

-

It didn’t take long for the nausea to creep up at Calvin again. There was a glimps of false hope when the last song ended, but then he still had to endure the exuberant applause, an encore, a closing speech and even more applause. When the show was finally over, Calvin’s stomach was at his throat. He had no idea how to face Cassandra or keep up the facade in front of her parents. All he wanted to do was to flee the scene, head home and curl up under his blanket for at least a week. On top of that, Calvin felt horribly guilty for leaving a brim-ful cup of puke for the unsuspecting cleaning crew, but now that the lights were on, he couldn’t pick it up without everyone noticing.

With legs that felt like pudding, Calvin trudged behind the overjoyed family. Mr. Petrakis couldn’t stop praising his daughter’s immaculate performance while his wife had to mention that Cassandra used to have quite a pleasant singing voice as well. When the parents were already heading towards the exit, Cassandra suddenly stopped.

„Can you guys wait outside for a minute? Nature’s calling and I gotta listen.“

„Sounds like a good idea.“ It was quite the challenge for Calvin not to chime in too quickly. If he looked anywhere near as awful as he felt, his attempts to keep up a happy face and a relaxed posture were destined for failure anyways. Gladly, Mr. and Mrs. Petrakis were still busy reveling in parental pride.

Cassandra grabbed Calvin’s wrist and pulled him along. To his surprise, she headed past the restrooms, down another corridor towards a flight of stairs.

„Uhm… haven’t we just missed the turnoff?“ It was supposed to come off as a joke, but Calvin’s voice sounded awfully strained. Walking made his stomach spiral out of control and it wasn’t long before he had to blow chunks again.

„Have you seen how crowded it is? Sorry, but I don’t think you’d make it if you had to wait in line. Plus, there’s no way I could sneak in with you unnoticed.“

„Wait… why would you do that?“ Calvin paused as climbing the stairs only fueled his inner turmoil. He simply didn’t dare to keep his mouth open. A sickly groan formed back in his gullet as his belly spasmed again.

„Why wouldn’t I? You’re sick. Obviously. Would be kinda shitty to leave you alone like this.“ Once they had reached the second floor, Cassandra steered Calvin towards a small niche with three garbage cans. „Here we are. Go ahead and lose the rest of your lunch. The other restrooms are locked at night, so you don’t have much of an option.“

„But… someone will have to clean it up… I feel bad enough for the barf cup under my seat.“

„Don’t worry so much. There’s a trash bag inside, they can just dump the whole thing.“ Cassandra pushed him towards the large buckets, then put her hand on his back to bend him over. Calvin sighed and gave in. The idea of throwing up in the open made him feel exposed and vulnerable, even though no one but Cas was around. However, it was definitely better than hurling all over the floor. As soon as Calvin brought his head closer to the containter, intense nausea exploded in his stomach. He jerked forward and retched sorely.

„Come on, get out the poison.“ Cassandra slapped him between the shoulders, forcing out an even more violent, yet still unproductive heave. Suddenly, Calvin felt Cassandra’s breath on his cheek. Her soft lips were so close that they almost touched his skin. Her long lashes tickled his jawbone. Then she whispered with a low, sensual voice: „Seafood platter.“

Calvin’s stomach lurched instantly and projectiled a massive wave of puke out of his mouth and nose. The trash bag crackled as it was weight down by the copious amount of liquid. Cassandra stayed close to Calvin, firmly rubbing his back.

„There you go“, she soothed him. „Vomit it up, babe.“

It was the first time Cassandra had called him babe, but Calvin didn’t have much time to rejoice. He coughed harshly as a thick mass crawled up his throat and slipped over his tongue. Calvin cringed in disgust as spongy chunks of bread plunged into the lake of sick below him. With his arched back convulsing against Cassandra’s palm, Calvin gagged until he brought up watery bile, clinging to his lips and nostrils in long, slimy strands. He continued to dry heave and spit until his stomach finally realized that it was empty.

„Fuck… I’m so sorry“, he panted, hands braced on his knees.

„What are you apologizing for?“ Cassandra dug out a packet of tissues from her bag. „Can you turn your head a little so I can wipe your face?“

She carefully cleaned away the stubborn strings and stains, then she let Calvin blow his nose. He couldn’t hold back a retch when he felt soft chunks coming out of his nostrils.

„Hope I didn’t spoil the evening for you“, Calvin rasped and straightened himself.

„Don’t be ridiculous. That super secret tactical chunder was impressive as hell. You didn’t spill a single drop. Even though I’m pretty sure no one would have judged you if you just went to the restroom instead.“

„I didn’t want any of you to notice.“ Calvin’s head felt even warmer than before. Good thing that his dark skin made it harder to tell when he blushed. „You know, this was my only chance at a first impression and…  y’all were so thrilled when your sis had her solo, I didn’t want to ruin the moment. And then it was too late.“

„You know what?“ Cassandra’s lips quirked up only the slightest bit. She wrapped her arms around Calvin, careful not to squeeze him too tightly. „That’s actually super sweet.“

Calvin’s heartbeat accelerated, but this time it wasn’t caused by nausea. Her touch and her closeness were both comforting and exciting. He wished he could take Cassandra home and cuddle up with her in bed until he felt better. If only her parent’s weren’t waiting outside.

„Thanks for, you know, taking care of me.“

„No biggie. I would have probably puked as well if your parents greeted me like this.“ She smirked and looked up at him. With the height difference between them, Calvin could have easily rested his chin on top of her head. „Come on, let’s tell mom and dad that you have to cram for a big exam. Best way to get away quickly and impress them with your dedication.“

„Sounds like a plan.“ Calvin was still shaky on his legs, but with Cassandra’s hand holding on to his own, it was a lot more tolerable. Maybe the outcome had been worth all of his efforts.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Archive of our own: Up all night to get Bucky

tumblr: birdnamedenza

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Oh god, so while chasing literally anything familiar, Ingo ran them straight into Gear Station during rush hour... and probably immediately overstimulated both of them. I imagine that Nimbasa is already a riot of sounds and smells and a press of people at rush hour, but even that is nothing compared to going right into an overcrowded subway station, especially if you're already (half?) in a frenzy. At this point his best hope is to either take off down the tracks, accidentally lock himself in a bathroom, or run onto a train that mostly clears out once he's in and making a scene. Probably the last one would help the most, because as long as anyone in it is quiet enough, the repetitive and familiar motion and sound of the train moving would be a more immersive experience of Familiar Good Things For Ingo.

Of course, this does kind of hinge on whether something that only Ingo finds comforting and familiar could break a frenzy that's mostly on Lady Sneasler's side. Would they need to go somewhere more comforting to her, or could her... brain(?) trust in his side enough to believe it when it says, "this is safe, this is good".

Or hell, the trains might not even be enough on Ingo's side. In Hisui, all the nobles frenzied even in the place they felt most at home, so would it take Emmet coming to fetch them to really get the ball rolling? Idk, maybe he comes in expecting to battle with this complete unknown that's freaking people out, gets pounced on by it immediately, and instead of doing anything drastic it just kind of lays on him and shakes. Familiar to Ingo because it's his brother (and I assume that they have in the past pounced or laid on each other because siblings) and trains, familiar to Lady Sneasler because Emmet has the same(-ish) face and body shape of Ingo who she has probably laid on before lol

emmet's expecting a fight, going in. the train's cleared out but this thing's strong, it took out the agent's scolipede in one hit when they were trying to stall for time to get everyone evacuated. and who knows how long even the battle-reinforced cars will hold it, and he's the subway boss, this is his job. he's got excadrill at the ready, because their best guess is this is a electric/poison-type (it's not, but the frenzy lightning looks enough like electricity that they make the mistake), but he's reluctant to send any of them out because this thing doesn't seem to be fighting show battles. it barely seems consciously aware it's doing anything, besides running and shredding large holes into anything in its way. so he's already formulating strategies for any possible thing it tries to do—attack him, run back down the whole length of the train as soon as he opens the door, try blindly to smash its way out the front to get away.

he's not expecting to slide open the door to see the spare uniforms he and ingo keep stored away in case one gets damaged in a battle, off their racks and bunched up on the floor, with their mystery pokemon curled up in them trembling, clinging to their hats like a lifeline.

bc i think it's also like, maybe not that sneasler trusts ingo so much but that when they're fused, all their feelings and instincts are sort of. as one. so when ingo feels something is familiar and safe, she also feels it as if it's her own opinion. and it helps that the dark, cool subway car, with the bundle of soft things and familiar smells to lay on, is a lot like her nest, so that's comforting to her, too.

and yeah that might not be enough normally, but i think before they got here, they've also kind of run the fusion ragged. like, they've been running miles at a dead sprint, indiscriminately burning through their moves on anything in the way, and there've probably also been more than a few instances of ingo opting to make them facetank damage to stop sneasler hurting someone else. i think frenzy gives them power beyond normal limits (and, part of that is also just the ability to disregard damage that would normally be battle-ending), but there is still a physical limit to how much this body can do before it just runs out of energy.

so sneasler's frenzy might not be broken, but it's. momentarily abated, at least.

[vievecorcityrp]

JAXON REED

GENDER: Cis-male

SPECIES: Werewolf | Beta | Lycaon Pack

AGE: 200+

SEXUALITY: Pansexual

OCCUPATION: Owner at the Lunar Heights Pub, a wolf establishment situated on the edge between Inner Vievecor and Chissob Hills.

DISTRICT: Chissob Hills

BACKGROUND:

Jaxon Reed became a member of the Lycaon pack many, many years ago. One might even say that he has been there practically since the very beginning but that was not always the case. He started out as a lone wolf -a rogue, born wolf who used to hang around Aurora, the daughter of one of the Alphas in the area. Rumors said that they were close. Intimate, even, but nothing was ever made official. In fact, not long after those rumors began, the she-wolf was married off to someone else. A necessary means to unify packs, they said, and as if that didn’t break his heart enough, Reed soon learnt she was carrying their kid.

The truth, although unknown to anyone but the couple, made Jaxon distant but not reckless enough to do anything that might put her or their child in danger. So, after a tumultuous exchange, the wolf agreed to keep the whole thing under wraps and did everything right by them…even when it came to respecting her Alpha or the fact that he had a hand in raising his own child. Jax was always there for them and after her husband passed, he took the kid right under his wing, protecting them and continuing to raise them for years to come.

It was shortly after those events, that their pack merged with Lycaon and Jax, too, became part of it. Aurora  and him fooled around for a while then but they were never fully together and, eventually, went on different paths, with her taking on the job of leading a pack of female rogues someplace else. Reed, on the other hand, stayed and worked hard to prove himself to the Lycaon alpha, who took him in as his right hand. Over the years, the two developed a close-knit friendship, being there for each other during the most difficult of times and for every big decision. Their connection was obvious to anyone who cared to notice but it was always assumed that it was nothing out of the norm.

This was the case for many years until one night during heat. To call it an accident was a bit of an understatement, especially with her and her husband having grown apart and what became a rather short-lived affair, but they both felt it best not to make anything out of it. Things got a bit rocky after, as they tend to do. The two wolves were still close but jealousy began to creep up and Jaxon was not ready to go through the same thing that he had in his past and, of course, it was expected that her husband noticed something too. That, led to a rather drastic solution.

To this day, Jaxon has been gone for years -enough for people to start wondering whether he was ever going to return but he is finally back and he is to pick up the reigns of his old project: the Lunar Heights Pub. He never offered anybody much of an explanation. All they needed to know was that the Alpha had given him a mission and that it was crucial for him to leave. The truth is between him and Caleb’s mother -but it is rumored that part of the motivation behind it was to put some miles between one another.

Reed does not care much for the Golden Rule but he does respect it as it is in his interest to live by however he chooses to. The only thing he cares about more than anything is to protect his pack.

PERSONALITY: Loyal and charismatic but also somewhat callous and distant to those he does not truly care for. Other words to describe his personality are unpredictable, witty and over-protective.

CHARACTER TYPE: Original

BLOG: @thejax-reed​

[kitsunexkang]

talk | louie & kang

for: @louiegrimaldi year: past - 2055 location: somewhere in chissob hills

They were camping out in an abandoned building in Chissob Hills that night to wait. Some information about a group of captive supernaturals being moved from one location to another had come down the line from Caleb Lycaon and Kang had been the first to volunteer for the rescue mission. It had become normal for him to do so after so many years and in recent weeks, it was serving as an excellent distraction that he could throw himself into.

Mercy had been rescued a couple of months ago and Louie had been so caught up in dealing with it all in the weeks leading up to it until his plan finally succeeded. It was joyous to know for a fact and to see Mercy alive and to have her back again, but the deity was far from whole. What she had been put through over the last few years under the P.S. Group had broken her, for lack of a better word, and Louie was clearly distraught because of it. 

Kang knew for a fact that he felt exactly what Louie was feeling. Mercy had been and still was a good friend of his, and seeing the couple reunited after so long had Kang feeling overjoyed, but there was something else that also weighed heavy in the fox spirit’s heart. Over the years, Kang’s feelings for Louie had somehow developed into something different... something more that he never properly understood until he saw Mercy in Louie’s arms in the days that followed.

The fox spirit felt guilty for feeling that way. Jealousy had no place between them, especially when they were all friends and Mercy was in such a state, but Kang learned soon enough that emotions were not something one could control so easily.

With the time he usually spent with Louie had drastically reduced so that the witch could be with his lover, Kang found that throwing himself head first into missions was at least a productive way to pass the time. If he had been a bit more impulsive or careless during said missions without his usual partner around, no one dared say anything. 

What Kang had not expected that evening was Louie’s presence. The witch had made a surprise appearance after they had barely spoken for awhile and just like how they used to do it, volunteered for the mission alongside Kang.

“I didn’t think I’d see you taking missions again so soon...” he said from where he was seated on the floor of the abandoned house, his back against a wall as he looked Louie over. “How has Mercy been doing?”

[project-feive]

Ranking my versions of my Five based off of her levels of unhinge-ness.

Read more below just because there could be some stuff considered spoilers?

1: NL!Callista Glover. “The Red Soldier” (my own personal AU) This bitch crazy and traumatized. Lived in Red Scorpion Base and was basically a test subject and didn’t meet Team Abel until S9. Do not turn your back on her ever. She will kill with no remorse. Feels everything and nothing all at the same time. Girly is in her Reputation Era and doesn’t plan on getting out of it any time soon.

2. ZR!Callista Glover. “Runner 5” (main series) She isn’t in her Reputation Era just yet but she’s close. Her mind is literally breaking and she’s been traumatized ten times over and her marriage fell apart in front of her eyes. Like girl needs therapy, meds, a vacation, the whole works. She’s approximately two seconds away from snapping and killing everyone.

3: Ista-Glow. “Rookie” (Dystopia Rising) She is a mercenary. What would you expect? Also major parental issues. Has died before and in Dystopia Lore coming back is a horribly kind breaking thing so def has baggage from that.

4. Evangeline Freeman. “Walker” (The Walk) Has mental health issues at the beginning but isn’t really unhinged at the beginning of her story. Slowly becomes more unhinged as the story goes on. Will definitely need therapy.

5. Callista ‘Cal’ Glover. “Rider” (Dragon Flight) This version of Callista is 14. Do you know how unhinged 14-year-olds are? I don’t think I need to say any more.

6. Glass Woman “Five” (Endless Sea add-on story) Poor girl loses her memory and has black glass armor. Doesn’t talk to the aliens on the planet she resides on much and doesn’t let them ever see her in the forest where she lives. If unhinged because she is very casual about breaking and entering into the literal castle of the alien royalty and bossing the king and queen around and getting them to do what she wants. Isn’t super high on the list just because she doesn’t ask for much or anything drastic.

7. Callista Elizabeth ‘Eliza’ Glover. “Apprentice Five” (Abel’s Buccaneers). Literally became Dr. Samuel’s apprentice because her sister abandoned her on the streets of a place she’d never been in because she flew off the rails after her fiancé died. Fell in love with Dr. Samuel because he gave her the tiniest bit of affection. Girly needs therapy. Not unhinged as the others but as some issues she needs to work on.

8. Callista Glover. “Specialist Five” (Venus Rising). Goes on a mission while dying so she can spend more time with her secret bf. When secret bf does she blames the Captain for not doing anything and plots to kill her even while running for her life. Ends up doing so after the last mission of the series. Ironically becomes the last one surviving when she is dying of a terminal disease. Although that last part doesn’t make her unhinged. Everything else though…

9. Callie Morse. “Stoker Five” (Mystery at 4000 Fathoms). Slightly unhinged due to grief. Literally loses it when she can’t find her locket with her late husband’s picture in the beginning. But she does start the healing process at the end of the new adventure.

10. Celeste. “Bellhop” (Hotel Hijinks). Not really unhinged, but does whatever unhinged stuff she’s told to do, like getting into a dumbwaiter to spy on others. This is especially unhinged for Celeste because she’s hard of hearing/mostly deaf so she’d have to peak through and read lips.

11. Quinn (Rule Britannia series). Not really unhinged, although we could say she’s crazy for dealing with so much bullshit for as long as she has. But for the most part is very level headed and isn’t completely murderous.

12. Detective Glover. “Runner 13” (The 13th Runner). The most level headed of them all. Has a brain cells and actually uses them. No inning was unless we consider how the story could end which can go which her going to most unhinged or remaining least unhinged. But during the mission she is not unhinged and is super prepared. Is a bit of a workaholic though.

@catsoutofthebags

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

dawntrail discussion (lvl 100 MSQ, and overall)

idk ive generally been in a bad mood recently so im worried its coloring my perceptions too severely but my overall reaction to dawntrail is just kind of like. huh. yeah, okay.

like...it was fine. lots of fun stuff in it. but i didn't really get In to the story that much, and that makes me sad

i don't know where all the decisions got made considering this game is made by like two million people so ill try to avoid placing blame on anyone in particular but i really felt like the story was weird and disjointed. i went into it genuinely excited and openminded, trying to let myself take in whatever dawntrail had to give me without carrying expectations around because like. yeah, shadowbringers and endwalker were absolutely incredible. i doubt anything will measure up to them again, but that's okay, you know? it doesn't need to to be fun.

i really like wuk lamat and erenville, and came around to liking Bakool Ja Ja and Koana. I don't really mind that Wuk Lamat was around so much, because it quickly became clear to me that she is the "main character" of this expansion, and i'm okay with that

but i really feel like.....this should have been two expansions. the rite was nice at first but progressed way too quickly IMO and sort of "told" a lot of Wuk Lamat's development instead of "showing" it. Like we give her one pep talk and she's like cool i'm fixed now!!! her character just changed so quickly and while she's not that different of a person at the end, i'm not sure i really feel like her development was like. Earned, by the story. it just sort of happened.

i went into this with the expectation of it being, as was said, 'the best summer vacation ever,' so i really thought that the rite was going to be the whole thing, and like. i wanted it to. i wanted it to be relatively low-stakes and for all of us to just hang around and not have to save the world. i wanted to get competitive with thancred and urianger. i wanted them to drastically lower the stakes for this one so we could slowly build them back up again and not fall into the pit of always having to come up with massive world-threatening disasters to handle.

but no, of course we had to...deal with a threat to All The Shards And Everyone On Them....and again like, I liked a lot of the characters that were introduced in the second half but i didn't feel like we got enough development with them, ESPECIALLY with the whole concept of soul cells and the endless and all of that. it's like i could just Feel the weight of Shadowbringers and Endwalker on the shoulders of the writers and the themes coming back of like, oh we can't live forever the cycle of life and death is necessary and experiencing loss brings us together etc etc which is just like

no man we got it already skdjhfgsjkdfg like Endwalker expressed that concept in SUCH a powerful way there is simply nothing left to say on the matter. this was their chance to completely change directions and they. kind of decided to keep handling the same themes. except. worse, because just by definition everything is going to be worse than Endwalker.

like i really really did not feel like the Endless were explored to the extent they should have been and going around erasing them really left me with this feeling of like. uhhhhh. i know they're not like "living beings" or whatever but this doesn't feel right??? i feel like im killing a shitload of people without their consent????? like just because we had a single spokesperson in each section being like "it's okay i'm ready to go :)" didn't make me feel like it was okay to destroy everyone else??? like oh it's fine cause they don't have souls?? THE LOPORRITS DON'T HAVE SOULS CAN I JUST WIPE ALL OF THEM OUT? IS THAT OKAY S JDHFG

which like im not saying it was WRONG, obviously it was something that was inevitable as set up by the story but i don't feel like the inevitability of it and necessity of it was sufficiently like. emotionally integrated. like at the end the reasoning just seemed to be like 'well everything has to die and this is unnatural so pull the trigger piglet' like what. hello. could we explore the whole 'stealing energy' thing more and like, the strain it puts on the current living society to keep this thing going. like of course we're told how bad it is but...did we??? see it ??? like i guess we did but killing people in Tural felt to me like harvesting souls for soul cells not like....taking their life energy to sustain the endless....

aughghghghhhhhhhh screaming and yelling and crying. i was SO worried that the same thing was going to happen here that i felt happened in pandaemonium, where they set up some really interesting mysteries (the golden city, then the gate to the city, then the soul cells, and then the endless...) and just sort of. didn't follow through with the mysteriousness of it. i didn't feel a sense of surprise at any of them... sighs.

at least we got some cool characters out of it. and the dungeon and trial mechanics have been really fun for me. so i guess ill just enjoy the gameplay for now and hope for a more cohesive story in the future....

[malka-lisitsa]

katerina had been rather endearing as of late (no yelling, no breaking things out of anger or to get his attention). elijah certainly doesn't expect her (nor wants her) to turn domestic or evolve into something others call 'housewife'– that would also be against everything katerina stands for. he does, however, highly appreciate that she wanted to give him a little joy even if she wasn't good at successfully fulfilling her projects.

elijah is very much a giver if one had reached a certain spot in his heart hence why he decided to surprise her this morning with self-made breakfast in bed: a fresh glass of orange juice, coffee, freshly made parfait, sliced-up fruits, clafoutis with cherries, homemade crepes with nutella and strawberries, and waffles. it was admittedly a bit expansive and he doesn't know if she could even eat all of it but it was his turn to give her joy. he brought everything he had prepared on a large tray to her bed and then placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

» katherine earned fluffy things

Attempting to be good is very very exhausting. Especially when your boyfriend is an original who is always busy with something, and when you don't have to worry about running anymore... theres really not much else to do. Being Klaus' victim is a full time job... now that Elijah saved her shes.... well bored.

So she fills her time with trying to do the behaviors Elijah seems to like better. Like not breaking things, or shouting randomly for attenion. Boring, but shes been trying. She tried to cook for him, that didnt go well.. twice.... and the rug fiasco... well.. she will be letting the staff handle that from now on.

It was just... kind of lonely. In a new way. She'd always been lonely but now she was alone when she didn't have to be. Failing at simple tasks she's never really had the opportunity to learn how to do. Nothing like suddenly stopping a five hundred year game of hide and seek to really show you how little youve lived anything close to NORMAL in that time. Why do you think she acts out so drastically for his attention? Shes lonely. She just wants him to look at her, she doesn't care how. When it didn't work the way she wanted she got frustrated... but shockingly she DID listen to him. Which was why she'd attempted her domestic things... it just seemed like she wasnt getting anywhere.

So, when she felt that gentle kiss to her forehead, she stirred and grumbled. Expecting it to be some god awfully early hour and he was going to leave for something somewhere and 'would return home post haste' or whatever suit speak saying he used most days...

Instead, she opened her eyes to a very soft looking expression on her lover's face. Brows furrowed in an instant and she rubbed her eyes as she sat up. The array of food she was presented with was - EXTENSIVE and her brows shot up so high they might have hit her hair line.

"Oh my god." She needed a second to take it in, and you could see it happen in real time as her features softened and her bright little smile overtook the groggy remains of sleep.

One thing most people dont know about Katherine? She LOVES fruit. I mean LOVES IT. And here was a tray with an array of her favourites, and a convinient little wrap to shovel them in her mouth with.

Her eyes watered and she looked over at Elijah with all the love she could muster in her eyes. When she spoke, it barely made noise, and she reached out to touch his forearm.

"Обичам те. It's beautiful.... come share with me?" She tilted her head, voice hopeful. She wanted to spend the morning in bed with him. Like they were the only two in the whole world.