#she was mostly having a separate discussion with them while I was on the line đ§đ˝ââď¸
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I love your writing. I have a request that is based on something I read from another writer about another group. So if you don't feel comfortable writing it, I totally understand. I am just interested to know what you think of the scenario in which y/n is the 8 member of ENHA and she bets the Hyung line that she can guess who they are just by the way they have sex with her while she's blindfolded.
Alternatively, how about a scenario in which the Hyung line each take y/n on a separate date but they have a bet amongst themselves that they won't be the first to fuck y/n. But they're all down bad for y/n and the struggle is real. They all want each other to fold so they can have you. Who do you think would win the bet?
MUCH LOVE AND PRAISE. đĽ°
god I LOVE the one of yn guessing which hyung member based on how they have sex with her while blindfolded.

I just KNOW the moment you even bet the hyung line you could guess who was who by the way they fuck would be driving each of them up a wall. The four of them would have to have a secret meeting together, discussing whether or not to even go through with this. mostly because youâre the 8th member of their group, you are so precious to them and so deserving and so so so kind to them and deal with their bullshit on the dailyâŚbut oh god how could they pass this up? the opportunity to fuck you? to ruin you one by one with their cocks while blindfolded? it was so hot to them. they would be stupid to turn it down.
once they decide to take you up on the offer, the boys will have to establish some rules, this was all an experiment after all.
the first rule being that the members can ONLY fuck you once. yes there can be multiple rounds after you guess who they are, but after the time is up they canât do it again, not until each member has had their turn. each fuck has to be spaced out a couple days to keep you from being sore or completely fucked out.
the second rule is each member IS allowed to kiss you and touch you in anyway they want during sex, they just canât speak, moan, groan, growl, hiss, whimper, nothing. not a sound until after you guess who they are if you are indeed, correct.
the third rule is none of the members can interrupt. no. matter. what. it could miss up the game on you guessing and show acts of jealousy, which no one wants. ďżź
the fourth rule is all four of them have to be in the know when itâs time to fuck you. none of them can randomly come up behind you and slap a blindfold over your eyes and rail you without the other men knowing. itâs cheating, mostly if you are in a situation that itâs obvious on which member it is. they also have to discus with you on when itâs a good time to even experiment, every party has to be in the know and okay.
the fifth rule being the other members couldnât be present when the other gets to fuck. this is another way to keep interruption from happening or if the boys decide to pull their hard cocks from their pants while watching you get railed and jerk themselves off and accidentally making any noises.
the sixth rule is neither of the boys can touch you in anyway, shape or form after theyâve had sex with you. once their cocks have been inside you, you become off limits. itâs another way to make sure jealousy doesnât happen and to keep the game fair for the other men waiting for their fuck. ďżźďżź
the seventh and final rule is being no hard feelings in the end. because if you choose to have sex with one of them again(or even all four of them again) they each have to respect it. if you catch feelings along the way too for one of them, they have to respect it. but that is only a BIG IF on if the situation even takes that route. because you could literally just be looking to get railed by them and have some fun.
which honestly you are. the four of them are the sexiest men youâve ever seen and you get to look at them everyday, why wouldnât you want each of them to impale you with their cocks? plus you know each of them like the back of your hand, guessing who was who wouldnât be a challenge.
you honestly would look forward to it each time. you knew the minute the four of them came up to you with those smirks on their faces that they agreed to the experiment and challenge, a blindfold already in one of their hands signaling that it starts right now.
each time theyâll have you put the blindfold on yourself. the boys will draw straws before hand on who gets to go first to make it fair and have it not be in any specific order.
you knew the minute his hands and lips were on yours that it was jake who drew the lucky straw first. the way his hands squeezed your waist and plump lips kissed you, it was obvious from the start. jake is a big tits guy and very big on doggy, and it doesnât take a genius to figure that out. The way he flips your naked body over to fuck you from behind with both his hands squeezing your breasts, biting his lips to keep from moaning out on how pleasurable your cunt was wrapped around him. âI know itâs you jakey,â you cooed, âlemme hear you,â god jake would be fucking losing his mind as he pounded into you faster, letting every moan he was holding back escape his lips as he snatches that blindfold off your eyes, placing his hand at the front of your neck to lift you up, his chest connecting to your back, making eye contact with you as he pumps his cock in and out of you, âfuck baby girl,â he growls in your ear, his tongue licking and biting at the lobe, âknow me so well just by how I fuck into you, ya? with how I touch and kiss you. fuck ynâ the gentleness jake once had with you was out the window as his hips snapped into place against your ass, the fingers that were wrapped around your neck now found their home inside your mouth, and his other fingers circling your clit until you came around him and he was spilling into you.
a few days will go by when the other three approach you, blindfold in hand to repeat the process. you blindfold yourself, they draw the straw and the other were sent out of the room. once again you knew who he was immediately just by the way he pins your arms above your head as his fingers interlock with yours, kissing you so tenderly with so much love. jay is such a lover boy, his hips slowly rocking against yours as he shoved his tongue down your mouth, hands squeezing yours tightly with each thrust into you. you pulled your hands from his grip, wrapping your legs around his waist and sliding your fingers into his hair, finding his ear with the darkness of the blindfold, âjay,â you whine, feeling his cock twitch inside you, âfuck me harder.â jay loved hearing his name fall from your lips the way it did, knowing just by how you called to him and how your body reacts that he was making you feel so fucking good. âshit baby,â he chuckles in your ear, sliding his lips down to your neck and back up to your ear, âyour wish is my command.â he pumped himself harder into you, staying at his slow pace. his hands gripped the bedsheets when he felt your legs tightening around him and the clench of your cunt. as much as jay loved making love to you like this, he wanted to make a mess of you, mostly after you guessed right on who he was? it was so fucking hot at how well you knew him sexually even when neither of you have ever acted or spoken in any sexual way together. jay didnât hesitate to slide his arms underneath you so he would grip onto your shoulders as he fucked into you faster and harder than before, using his teeth to pull the blindfold off from your face so you could stare back at him as you came undone on his cock, watching him as he clenched his jaw and groaned out strings of âfuckâ as he shot his seed inside you.
another few days press on by, the remaining two stood before you handing out the blindfold. repeat. repeat. repeat. with the way you were pressed against the door of your room, legs spread wide by his knees, the hand he had at the back of your neck as he pressed the side of your face into the wood of the door and fucked into you at a primal rate you knew as sunghoon. he was rough as he railed you against the door, shit he was rough since the beginning. with how he pulled you from your bed and slammed you to the door and how his hands roamed, it was no doubt sunghoon. he had you moaning his name after the first few hard thrusts into you. his chest touching your back and flinging the blindfold off, âno need for this anymore,â he groaned. sunghoon knew you would guess him quickly, needing to rid that blindfold quickly so he can see the full expressions of your face as he ruined you, âcome on baby, keep screaming my name. tell me how good I am giving it to you. let them know how fucking good hoonie is giving it to you.â sunghoon knew the other men were listening, he planned on it too. with the way he was fucking you against the door and how it slammed against the frame, how could they not be listening? sunghoon made it his mission to have you screaming he know within seconds of sliding himself inside you. heâd heard the moans that came from your mouth when jake and jay fucked you, he sure as hell wanted them to hear how loud your voice was getting just by his cock. somewhere along the way it became a competition to see who could get you moaning the loudest and honestly, you were here for it. âhoonie,â you screamed, feeling the drool leave your lips and slide down the door. âfuck yn, being so good for me, taking me so well.â it didnât take much longer until you released on his cock and his movements getting sloppily until his final thrust had him unloading into you.
the last final days passed on, heeseung appeared into your bedroom and closing the door behind him. there honestly wasnât any need for the blindfold anymore, heeseung was the last to get his dick wet and either way youâd know it was him. after each fuck the boys gathered to discuss what happened, they knew they would lose against you. you guess each of them perfectly one by one, which is where the contest of seeing who could get you to moan the loudest came into play. even though heeseung was last, it was still only fair he gets his turn. he sat on the edge of your bed, pulling you into his lap and was immediately hard at the sight of the way you straddled him. he placed his hand against the side of your neck, bringing you in to connect his lips to yours, âIâm going to take my time with you,â he whispered in between kisses, loving the way you moaned into his mouth at those words. he rid you and him of your clothes slowly one by one until the two of you were skin against skin, getting turned on just by feeling your flesh against his. heeseung moaned out your name softly as you slid down onto him, his fingers digging into your hips. heeseung didnât care one bit that he was the last to fuck you. didnât care about the stupid competition of who could get your vocals the loudest. didnât care that the rules had to be bent in his favor. because honestly, heeseung was the real winner here. he still got to fuck you, got to fuck you properly at that. he didnât have to keep his moans down or suppress them until you took a guess. he was able to be as vocal as he wanted from the moment he walked into your room. he got to make eye contact with you the entire time as he felt you up, as you rode his dick and squeezed his shoulders for support. heeseung just knew the other losers were losing their fucking shit as they stood at the other side of the door. heeseung didnât need to get you screaming at the top of your lungs for the others to know you were fucking his cock into oblivion. âseungie,â you moaned and flung your head back, legs getting weak and shakey, âwhat it is my love?â he cooed, knowing damn well what it was you wanted, âwanna cum? hmm? want to come undone around seungieâs cock?â you nodded, whimpering out a âplease hee,â and thatâs all it took. heeseung sat up straighter, wrapping both arms around your body, using every last bit of strength in his hips and legs to fuck up into you. you slid your fingers into his hair, resting the side of your head against his, screaming his name as he hit into your g-spot. oh fuck heeseung was losing himself inside you, his head going dizzy from the pleasure. you no doubt were screaming and moaning louder than the other three got you. you were so loud heeseung was afraid he might lose his hearing in that ear, oh but fuck it would be so worth it. because again, heeseung was the real winner here. was the real winner as he made you come undone on his cock, your cum dripping out of you and sliding down his thighs. the real winner as he moaned out your name when his seed painted your gummy walls white.
jealousy was unavoidable, unfortunately. each of the four boys getting caught up in their feelings for you and how fucking good your pussy felt wrapped around them. but alas, you proved you knew each and every single one of them by how they fuck, only feeding into their egos when you tell you you undoubtably wanted them to fuck you again and again and again and again. each of the four of them brought something to the table when it came to pleasuring you, how could you deny that pleasure? mostly when you have four sexy men drooling over you and your sex. it was well worth it to challenge them.
#yeonzzzn asks#enhypen#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen smut#heeseung#lee heeseung#jay#jay park#park jay#park jongseong#jake#sim jake#jake sim#sim jaeyun#sunghoon#park sunghoon#yeonzzzn writing
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ALNST analysis about Luka's "Drowing Bloom" Patreon post and his page
The following analysis is formulated in response to this query from a mutual of mine. The post states as follows:
I just read the new, free Patreon post and. huh. what do you mean "LUKA has never felt insecure in his life" lmao. isn't it official information that he used to have low self-esteem? how does "had low self-esteem" and "has never felt insecure in his life" go together. unless it's another definition of "insecure" that's being used here? I'm somewhat confused but also that's a funny sentence tbh
I'm here to talk about that, though I'll mainly be dissecting the new Patreon content.
The following content will contain discussions of Luka, Hyuna, Hyun Woo, HyunLuka, child abuse, unconventionally/potentially uncomfortable love and relationship, bullying, and social isolation.
To begin this discussion, I will clarify any doubts that may be had about the exact wording. (I haven't been able to find any translation analysis/translators who can clarify because Patreon posts are already translated, so you'll have to excuse my limited capabilities.)

In the post, Luka's "insecure" mentioned above is related to the word "uneasy" of the first sentence; but when I put it through a translator to get each word separately, they were all spelled differently while having mostly similar/related characters. The words originally came out as "unstable" when the sentences were together. When I translated them on their own, I obtained three different results.
ëśěíŠëë¤ "He is anxious/I am anxious."
ę˛ě
ëë¤ "feeling anxious"
ëśěíë¤ë "I feel anxious"
After wasting about an hour and writing an unnecessary amount of analysis I ended up scrapping, I come to the conclusion that they are all synonymous and simply changed for grammar reasons or clarity.
(If you care, here's a list of English equivalents for the different groupings: uneasy, anxious, insecure, unstable, nervousness, trepidation. Someone who knows Korean can correct me if I'm wrong about anything.)
Next in line, I will analyze the overall picture of Hyuna and Luka's relationship through the years. (Read also, we finally get HyunLuka analysis through the flowers + Hyun Woo mentions.)
Hyuna and Luka were intimately close as children. With the addition of Hyun Woo, the three are almost always depicted together, like inseparable friends. Hyuna consistently allowed Luka to engage in behaviors other humans saw as off-putting or disgusting around her. Lacking expressions and engagement in interaction, disregarding others' presence and emotions to the point of being physically hurtful, and constantly sucking on or biting objects and Hyuna herselfâshe accepted it all and even showed that she did not consider it queer/unnatural. Luka repeatedly expressed his "love" for her as possession and desires for control. He has been conditioned to believe that care/love is obsession and obedience. He is not able to force the girl he loves (physically and mentally) but wants her near him and subordinate to him so she can never have to worry again and he can control everything around her. This is in direct relation to the fact that he has no worries for his future because his path had already been set out for him since the concept of "Luka" existed.
But don't forget Hyuna's side of this relationship. Hyuna, who originally had her precious brother with her and led both Hyun Woo and Luka in playing together. Hyuna loved Luka so much that she would let him do anything he wanted, really. One of her canonical regrets is how permissive she allowed herself to be with him. People think that Hyuna doesn't love Luka anymore or simply cut it all off when her brother died. That's simply not true. The fandom has labeled them as "tragic heteros," and I think that's a fitting title. They're beautiful opposites. From the start, Hyuna has always been seen as the extroversion to Luka's introversion. She jumps into situations, and he follows.
Luka's love is insecure (translated flower-wise as anxious) because of their past and conflicting ideals. It says in the Patreon post that "LUKA thought the whole time he was away from HYUNA. About what he should have done, and how on earth he could be more connected to his loved ones than blood." I'd like to point out that loved ones is plural. Luka has loved more than just Hyuna in his life. And the loved ones he had either had someone who was blood related who he felt was closer than him (jealousy) or shedding blood seemed like the only way to have those people close to him (obsessive behavior).
Hyuna loves so strongly that the flower used means that her love is "without measure." Hyuna doesn't look back yet still holds affection and care inside, locked away because addressing the love means addressing the trauma. Her "love" also connects to the revolution and freedom. She has an emptiness inside of her, and she makes the steps to fill it with her own two hands. She will not drown in grief and let the two ones she loved most being removed from her life make her stop reaching out for her love of freedom. She was a girl with no idea what she was doing when she escaped, but she has grown into a woman who is determined to live her life for herself.
The contrast and similarity is striking.
Luka's description makes him sound weak, the image of lying down and feeling water flow over your hand comes to me. The acceptance and surety of fate and letting life be is the behavior I struggle to find a word for that isn't complacency. He feels inactive, only pondering how he could have changed things but never doing anything.
Hyuna's description sounds desperate and bold. We know from "All-In" that she still gets vivid flashbacks even when soaked in noise and distractions. She is a person who works impulsively and passionately, putting her whole heart into something. Littered with regretsâshe has to push on to survive.
Yet, these two are so similar.
They held the love inside of them deep down, never speaking of it aloud except in the only ways that they know how to show themselvesâsong. Their flowers are both colorful because of their individual beauties that they show in their own way. It is Hyuna who was insinuated to have influenced Luka in seeing the stage as a place where he can be in control.
They are both empty due to loss, both coping by leaving the past behind and physically unaddressed (despite different mentalities behind the actions). While Hyuna doesn't look back and distracts herself, Luka wears a mask and deludes himself, and they both pretend the world is going to work out the way they need because they are in control in their own minds. They're simultaneously trapped in their ideologies, and this conflict is the reason they are the "tragic heteros" of the narrative.
Moving on, I will talk about the page whose image I will provide below. (ID in alt text, English only)

As much as I consider Herperu the lowest of low, I cannot discredit his words and say he knows nothing of Luka. He made it his personal mission to know every detail of his finest creation. Luka was tailor-made after all, with many fans theorizing that he was created in a lab/test tube-like container. While I cannot give you canon facts for something unstated, I can give you a handful of theories concerning why Heperu claims Luka has low self-esteem.
Luka may have had confidence issues from his ostracization in Anakt Garden. (He was ignored by his peers and, in an official comic, shown to be treated like he didn't exist/wasn't significant. Assuming this was normal behavior given to him in his days at Anakt Garden, there is good reason to believe that when Hyuna left/grew distanced after Hyun Woo's death, so did his only hold on interaction with a fellow human.)
Luka is conditioned to believe everything Heperu tells him unconditionally and holds onto the sentiment of how he will be no good if he isn't "talented enough" as well as his mandatory duty to be the god among men of idols. (He must always be in perfect shape in order to present himself. There can never be a flaw. His autonomy does not exist. He is a good for others to take from. He must be a model pet.)
Luka's only confidence came from his performance and acting, he had no real confidence in himself as a person, away from cameras, or off-stage. (He seems to have adopted Hyuna's philosophy of singing giving a person freedom to express how they are, seeing as he is more expressive on-stage and masks everywhere else.)
Herperu's words could be what is a common case of "assuming you know what a creature wants/is feeling from researching instead of asking directly." (Segyein see humans like humans see animals. If an animal shows certain behaviors, we consult resources in order to know how to view and approach the situation. If research told Heperu that Luka had low self-esteem, then he would believe that rather than ask his pet how he feels.)
Heperu could be gaslighting Luka into thinking he has low self-esteem or gaslighting the press into thinking Luka is "humble" or whatever.
I, personally, don't have full trust of segyein's descriptions of humans because it's obvious that they very rarely (if ever) ask the human how they're feeling or neglect to even do simple analysis of humanity. (Also, Heperu is incredibly selfish and manipulative, without a single thought or consideration being about Luka's comfort, happiness, or healthy living. Honestly, I hate that alien. I hope his dick-shaped head-body snaps in two.)
To wrap this analysis up, my conclusion is simple. It is up to a fan's interpretation to figure out whether they think Luka has low self-esteem, is in a constant state of surety, used to have low self-esteem and has now changed that state of mind, or exists as a mixture of multiple states in multiple areas. Canon's conflict stems from information we cannot fully be sure on, and the creators remark about the complexity of Luka's emotions and the inability for almost anyone. "We don't know if anyone will ever know LUKA's heart..." They admit that there is a limit and that he is a difficult creature to understand.
Extra: my personal theories
Personally, I believe that Luka has low self-esteem due to his view of himself as worthless without his trained skills and inferior to segyein by existence. I believe he has never been insecure because he has never tried to drift from the path that was paved for him. I believe he still knows that the love between him and Hyuna is insecure because of the instinct that the Patreon post mentions; it would be more accurate to use the synonyms "uneasy/unstable." He is stable/secure in his livelihood so long as he follows the life that he knows no alternative from; his relationship is unstable/insecure due to the trauma on Hyuna's end and his forceful nature; he had low self-esteem either from his peers' isolation or from Heperu's reminders that he is only worth something as long as Heperu deems it so.
Thanks for reading.
#alien stage#alnst#mirr's rambles#alnst luka#alien stage luka#luka alnst#luka alien stage#hyunluka#hyunaluka#lukahyuna#hyuluka#id in alt text#i wrote this instead of sleeping#alnst hyuna#alien stage hyuna#hyuna alnst#hyuna alien stage#alnst hyunwoo#alnst hyun woo#as of the fourth draft this takes up six whole screenshots on my phone#I'm going to he knows as the Luka analyzer if I can't control myself soon#...#I'd like that wouldn't i#if this needs to be chopped up to be easier to read/disgestâ please tell me in the comments#ALSO THE LAST POINT I MADE IS EXACTLY WHY MOST OF THE FANDOM WILL NEVER GET HIM#the authors said it officially#Luka's heart is such a precious thing#alnst analysis#alien stage analysis
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Misreading Touka (Tokyo Ghoul Meta)
For some reason, I've been seeing more dung being thrown at Touka's characterisation in the series, and since I've been wanting to write a meta for a while now, I decided to do a short one addressing some of the criticism I've seen around. This won't go into everything, of course -- the series is far too dense with analytical potential and I am a busy bee. Just know that I do want to dive deeper into Touken/Kanetou at a later point.
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Touka is not reduced to a simple, meaningless housewife, and I do not understand why this perspective is used to undermine her character so often in the fandom. For the sake of this argument, I will be mostly focusing on her characterisation in ;Re, as that is where this criticism is mostly rooted. Yes, she is less active in the first part of the second series, but between all the other characters, events, and plot points, it is bizarre to me that people see so little in Touka, despite all that she does.Â
I could dive into how Touka as a whole symbolises key themes throughout both series, and how that relates to Kanekiâs development, but I think I will save that for a separate meta. For now, I just want to discuss how Touka is positioned in the second series, and how it does not weaken the characterisation Ishida set up in the first.Â
Following the end of the first series, which set its tone as a tragedy, Touka opens the ;Re cafĂŠ to act as a refuge for ghouls, just as Yoshimura did beforehand. To clarify, Yoshimura saved Touka from her miserable life on the streets, giving her the chance to live with some semblance of normalcy following the tragic consequences of her childhood. And now, as an adult, and with Yoshimura gone, Touka strives to recreate that environment once more. There are those that think she has done this for Kaneki and Kaneki alone, but that is clearly not the case, even if she does hope for Kanekiâs return one day; she allows Nishiki to take refuge there while he tries to find Kimi, she saves Tsukiyama after the Rosewald operation, and before anyone argues that she was still not directly involved in either case, she actively takes part in Ayatoâs mission to save Hinami. It is there that she then sees Kaneki and allows him a place to stay too, following his battle with Arima. She even provides Akira and Amon a place to stay, reconciling their differences in the process, (underrated chapters, I think).
Up until this point, Touka has been forced to âlive while losingâ, and whether she decides to fight or not, it is an unavoidable outcome when it comes to war. She is simply trying to do what she can without trying to kill herself in the process â a flawed sentiment she has seen in her father and Kaneki before, and even to some extent, Ayato and Hinami.
She fights when she can, runs if she has to. She is forced to make this choice again and again, especially when the underground ward is attacked, and for the sake of her unborn child and other weaker ghouls, she must retreat if she doesnât want all of them to needlessly die.Â
That said, it is not as if she leaves without trying to fight first, she just isnât stupidly overpowered like her opponents, (and that isnât a jab at Ishida, Iâm simply clarifying that she canât defeat these foes with just Hinami at her side). Even then, she manages to stand her ground for a long time, despite the pregnancy and her hunger. Moreover, her kagune has developed since the first series, and like Ayato, sheâs able to create more advanced structures with her ukaku. You just have to read in between the lines to see that Touka has never allowed herself to grow soft in the years Kaneki was away, and that only now, during this battle, can you see more of her capabilities.
And when Kaneki is trapped within Dragon, she finally decides that she cannot lose him â she refuses to lose him, because to do so would bring on too much despair. Just as Kaneki has prioritised Touka, Touka, too, will prioritise him, and so, even with her exhaustion, she battles against Mutsuki, digs through the Dragonâs flesh until her fingers and nails break, and almost succumbs to grief at the thought that he was already lost to her. The chapter is overlooked far too often, her desperate determination conveying to the reader the importance of love as a driving force.
Again, we saw this with Kaneki, who pushed himself past his limits in hopes of reaching Touka. Whether you like it or not, love is a powerful thing, and that has been shown throughout the series with many, if not all the characters. And for Kaneki and Touka, their love is their hope, and to lose that love is to lose their hope. So they fight, again and again, for each other and the light they bring into each otherâs lives.Â
Now I can argue all day about how Touka is far more active in the series than people care to admit, but I do not think that is why Touka is labelled as a housewife. Iâve been in the fandom for a long time and this label has been around long before their relationship was canonised, and I think itâs to do with the fact that Touka is clearly more feminine in ;Re.Â
Iâve already explained that in terms of action, Touka still has plenty of moments to speak of, and personality-wise, I really donât think sheâs as different as people claim her to be. Yes, sheâs calmer, but that shouldnât be seen as a bad development. Sheâs an adult now, and with adulthood comes maturity, (or it should, anyway). She doesnât need to fight anyone and everyone to prove herself, that is simply a childish perspective to take. Besides that, sheâs still curt in the way she talks, is sarcastic and blunt, though not as harsh as she was before, and she still carries herself with plenty of pride and dignity, which was what was so appealing about her in the first series. Ffs, she confronts the whole CCG and tells them to eat shit because their arguments were annoying her. Itâs ridiculous to me that people think she is a shadow of her former self, when thereâs plenty of great moments involving her.Â
As for her more maternal depictions, that is also something that has always been present, if you take a moment to connect the two series together. She was forced to grow up quickly when she became responsible of Ayato, and she effortlessly took Hinami under her wing after the death of her parents. This is an attribute that she continues to exhibit throughout ;Re, watching over the children and trying to comfort them. Itâs a touching image, one that circles back around to her pregnancy. And to deem this progression as detrimental is ratherâŚstrange to me. In a time when we see women as strong and powerful for everything we represent â our hardships, both physically and emotionally, as well as our strengths â why is it seen as weak when female characters are utilised to represent the strength of womanhood. Because sheâs a woman married to a man? Donât be so childish. If you respect her characterisation at all, you will acknowledge how she continues to exhibit her strengths as an adult, whether that be in battle or beyond it.Â
After all, Ishida could have easily written it so that she is no longer involved in anything past the discovery of her pregnancy. Except he doesn't, and instead, she fights even more, even harder, in spite of her pregnancy. Because of her pregnancy. And yet, this is somehow weakens her character? She is quite literally going beyond her limits to fight for her future, I see nothing weak in that.
It might be that readers dislike how she changes aesthetically, and thatâs fine, but from that comes arguments that excuse why they donât like her character. I could argue against every little argument Iâve seen about her, but at the end of the day, I feel like most of these points are made just to excuse a personal preference. And that is not an effective use of critical reading. You canât make the story something it isnât, and you canât assume Touka was going to be a character she wasnât written to be. If you donât like that or disagree, then maybe this series isnât for you and itâs time to move on. For now, at least, please give her characterisation the respect she deserves. Her role is so much more than the shallow labelling this fandom tends to give her.
#touken#kanetou#touka kirishima#kaneki ken#tokyo ghoul#my writing#meta#character analysis#good lord can't believe these things still need to be said#smh as if she hasn't been dragged through the dirt enough for existing
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Not Easily Broken Chapter 6

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader
Summary: Natasha and Reader go through a tragic divorce
Masterlist | General Masterlist
6/10
Note: Yes,i know the picture has a watermark. it's 2 am.
W/c: 4.2k (less painful to edit!)
Rating: M (Minors DNI; angst, fluff, smut, heartbreak, heart fix? the best ending for them coming soon)
You donât know how long youâve stared at the blank paper. Its thin blue lines taunted you. The questions on the tiny notebook assigned to you were intimidating. Youâre sitting here, at the kitchen counter, nursing a mug of tea and looking down at the paper. This is the first part of the assignment. Once youâre going to fail. There are several steps Cheryl gave to get things going for both of you. Answer the questions. Find something both of you like to do. Discuss them together. That should be easy, right? Wrong. Itâs been four days and counting and you have yet to write anything. Not that thereâs nothing to write. No. You have a lot to say. It just canât be on paper. Neither of you has been good at expressing your thoughts. Youâre worse. You come from a family where conflict was solved with abandonment and passive aggressiveness. Two things you do quite well. This venture into vulnerability is foreign. Youâre afraid of being the bad guy again. You donât want to address the unknown. What if even after all of this you and Natasha donât work out?
Youâve been doing a lot of self-reflecting the past week. Thereâs always something in the back of your mind that says youâre ruining her life again. Youâre ruining your childrenâs lives. Everything you worked for you ruined. This time would be different. Youâre coming into this with a clear head and a fresh perspective. You want your life back. You want your wife back. You want your family. Itâs not like you cheated. You didnât step out of your relationship. You sometimes wish it were so easy. Maybe then your actions can be excused. Thatâs not the correct way to say it. Cheating is never excusable. You guess it would have been another way to avoid accountability. You blame yourself every day for what happened. Even then guilt is not enough.Â
You sigh. Back to the questions. You hold the pencil in your handâfirst question.Â
âYou lead separate lives despite living in the same household.â You read aloud. Wow. Okay. Thatâs a tough one right off the bat. Itâs relevant. It makes sense considering the context. You write yes. You move on to the second question. âYou mostly speak about finances or household chores. Question three you have sex less than once weekly.â You stop your reading right there. Youâre three for three. If this is how this is going youâre going to be in therapy for a while.Â
Were things really that bad? You wonder if Natasha is thinking the same things.Â
Across town, Natasha is indeed wondering the same things. Sheâs just finished up her run for the morning, having gotten the kids out of the door and off to school, and now she has the morning to herself. Sheâs sitting on the couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table, as the notebook rests in her lap. She pushes her glasses further up her nose.Â
âSex less than once weekly?â She reads. âSex neverâ. She writes. Itâs true. Besides the phone sex last week she doesnât remember the last time you two were so intimate. Well, she can. Emmaâs fifth birthday party. She would hardly count that as something to brag about. While youâre skilled in the bedroom, she felt dirty afterward. She felt used in a way she wasnât all that willing to share with you. Sex with you has always meant so much more to her. She hopes itâs the same for you. She doesnât think about it for too long. She canât dwell on the fact that her body aches for you. Natasha Romanoff knows her worth. She is aware she could go out and find anyone to fuck. She doesnât have to go far truthfully. She doesnât want that. Itâs kind of pathetic and she would never admit it to anyone.Â
Natasha is about to answer another question for the checklist when the doorbell rings. She glances at it, hoping that whoever it is will go away when the ringing becomes more insistent. Natasha rolls her eyes, slamming the book down against the coffee table, to go and answer the door. She swings it open, ready to give whomever it is a piece of her mind when she stops. She crosses her arms and glowers at her visitor suspiciously.Â
âRomanoff,â Richard grins at her. âDonât you look swell?â He admires her messy hair, tank top, and running shorts. He waves a file in his hand. âI have work.â He offers her one of the coffees in his and she takes it.Â
âI thought we were meeting at the tower,â Natasha drops her hands from the door. She walks away without offering him a second glance. He would follow. What she doesnât see is him checking out her ass as he steps inside. He closes the door behind with and walks with her toward the living room.Â
âI thought this was much better,â Richard shrugs. âI was in the neighborhood.â
âIâm sure you were,â Natasha rolls her eyes. âOkay, give me a minute to change and Iâll be right back down. I have a couple of notes over there.â She waves her hand somewhere in the room. Though Richard is an asshole she knows he wonât do anything to put her in danger. She leaves him to his own devices to change out of her workout gear. Not that her new outfit would be much better.Â
Richard stands, walks over to the couch to sit, and places the file on the coffee table. He spots the notebook sheâs been writing in. Itâs safe to assume itâs the one she permitted him to read. Itâs not.Â
âHealthy relationship checklist,â He reads to himself. âNo sex?â He whistles. Wow. Thatâs disappointing.Â
âIâm going to have to ban you from my house soon,â Natasha calls down the stairs. He quickly places the notebook back where he found it. Natasha comes into the living room in a simple blue blouse and slacks. She glances at the notebook, noting that itâs moved a few inches, and tsking. âRichard, seriously, youâre my partner. One I didnât want. At least have the decency of giving me privacy.â
âIâm sorry I was curious,â He raises his hands in surrender. âIf it makes you feel any better I havenât done it in a while either.â
âNo, it doesnât make me feel any better,â Natasha shakes her head. âAnd I donât believe you. Youâre looking at a sexual harassment complaint and a broken nose if we keep talking about this.â
âFine,â He shakes his head. âI just think you deserve better.â At Natashaâs warning look he clamps his mouth shut. âI need a consult. Fury wants the entire team on this case but we need your expertise.â
âWhy would you need my expertise?â Natasha sits across from him. She takes the file, flipping through the pages before she shakes her head. âWhat is this?âÂ
âA recruitment center,â Richard describes. âSomeone is recruiting young girls to be assassins. Training them to go out and do their bidding. We want to know the best way to, uh, get in there and get out.â He gestures.Â
Natasha frowns. They could have very well asked Melina Yelena or anyone but her. Sheâs not an expert on brainwashed children. She only knows so much. Even then she provides him with an answer.
âYouâre going to need to get someone on the inside obviously,â She says. âPreferably someone young. Wanda Maximoff could pass. She gets in. Find out who knows what. You protect her with your life. Make sure she feels safe at all times. Know that if itâs as bad as this film reads some of them will die.â
âThatâs dark,â Richard comments.
âWell, itâs not all sunshine and roses,â Natasha mumbles. She sets the file back down. âIs that all you needed from me?âÂ
âWell, yeah,â Richard nods.Â
âWell, Iâd like to be alone in my home now,â Natasha says none too politely. She passes him the large envelope. They both stand. She walks him to the door and to both their surprises youâre on the other side. Youâre a bit off-put by Richard being there.Â
âIâm sorry,â You shake your head. âI stopped by to..â You trail off.Â
âY/n, so good to see you,â Richard offers you a fake smile that you donât return.Â
âHeâs leaving,â Natasha makes a face at him. She wasnât really in the mood for this nonexistent love triangle thing that goes on every time youâre all in the same space. Not that it matters to her. Richard would never be someone that is on her romantic radar. Not when she only has eyes for you.Â
âRight, leaving,â Richard nods. Heâs about to make a joke when Natasha punches him before he can even open his mouth. He holds his sore arm, offering her an âow!â Before he shakes his head. He walks down the stairs and to his car without another word.Â
Natashaâs gaze returns to you and the brown paper bag you have in your hands.Â
âIs that for me?â She asks and you nod silently. Seeing her with Richard does things to you. You follow her into the house where she closes and locks the door. She takes the bag from your hands to set it on the hallway table. Youâre not sure who makes the first move but Natasha is in your arms, kissing you, feeling you, and walking backward toward the couch. Your hands are everywhere on her body. You feel the skin under her shirt, down her sides, and her hips, as you push her gently to lie down on the couch. Your kiss is hungry and rough and full of passion. She moans at the feel of your weight atop her. She kisses you back. When your hand slides up her shirt, pinching her nipple through the sports bra sheâs wearing, she rips her lips from yours to moan. Her cries go straight to your core. Youâre lying here between her legs, kissing her neck now, and holding her right where you want her. Natasha enjoys your touch. It excites her. It makes her feel wanted. She raises her hand to place it over yours.Â
âY/n,â Natasha begs. She doesnât know exactly what for. She imagines it would be so easy to allow you to take her right here. Right now. The kids arenât home. Thereâs no one here to stop her. Even so, she canât help the nagging feeling at the back of her mind. âY/n.â The tone of her voice stops you in your tracks. You lift to look into her concerned eyes.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â You ask. You take in her kiss-swollen lips, her mussed hair, and her flushed skin. She looks so damn sexy.Â
âYou did this last time,â Natasha points out. Her voice is small and barely there. You can tell sheâs trying to keep the conflict at a minimum. You give her a confused look. What was she talking about? âItâs⌠itâs stupid.â She shakes her head. âI can't help but notice. Every time Richard comes around you feel the need to stake your claim in some way.â
âI donât do that,â You scoff. She gestures to the spot on her neck thatâs formed into a slight purple bruise. When did you do that? You deflate, sitting up, removing yourself from her embrace. You take deep breaths. Were you doing that to her?Â
âI didnât want to bring it up to upset you,â Natasha instantly misses your touch. She fixes her shirt, adjusts her bra, and moves to sit closer to you. âI donât want you to want me because someone else does.â
âDo you seriously think that?â You question. âNat, baby,â You breathe. âI want you because I missed you. I want you because I find you attractive. I want you because youâre everything.â You take her hand in yours. âI donât want you to think Iâm doing it to show ownership over you. Thatâs not something I want.â
âI want to be yours,â Natasha confesses quietly. âJust not like that.â
âI understand,â You nod. Natasha kisses your pouting lips. You smile. The notebook on the coffee table catches your eye. âSo youâve been doing the assignment.â
âI have,â Natasha glances at the paper.Â
âItâs pretty eye-opening,â You say and she nods in agreement. âI didnât think things were that bad for us. I mean, I know, we got a divorce. I justâŚit puts things into perspective.âÂ
âIt does,â Natasha runs a hand through her hair.Â
âI want this to work for us,â You admit. âIâm sorry. I am. I want us to work.â
âMe too,â Natasha kisses your lips again. âDid you bring your book? We could go over some of the questions now.â
âI did,â You say as you reach over her legs to the bags you brought. You pull out the book, cracking it open to the page youâve written on, while Natasha opens hers. âSo, Iâve realized a lot of these are things weâve done at the beginning of our relationship. We seemed to enjoy each other then. Pre-kids I guess.â
âHmm,â Natasha hums.Â
âOkay, this question,â You go to one you havenât answered yet. âPlease be truthful. Donât hold back because you think itâs going to hurt my feelings.â Natasha nods. She could do that. âDo you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner?â
Natasha bites her lip. âI have always felt I could be myself with you. There were times I didnât think I could. That maybe I needed to play a part to, um, make you happy.â
âI felt the same way,â You mumble. âNat, Iâm -â
âYouâre sorry thatâs understandable,â She shakes her head. âItâs something we have to work on. I love you for you. Iâve always loved you for you.â
âIâve always been attracted to everything about you,â You begin. âIâve always loved your personality. Your tenacity. Your humor. Your ability to be vulnerable.â Natasha blushes under your intense gaze. She takes her pen to write a few things before moving on to the next question.Â
âYou rarely hug, hold hands, or touch each other in a non-sexual way,â She reads aloud. Thereâs a silence that neither of you breaks. âThe butt rubs stopped.â She points out.Â
âWhat?â You look at her in surprise. âI guess they have. Was that the first indicator that something was wrong with you?â
âIt was one,â Natasha shrugs. âI just thought you needed space and itâs not always a sexual thing but we stopped touching each other. It wasnât only you. I stopped too.â
âDamn,â You curse under your breath. âWe could try it now? I mean, one of our exercises was extended cuddling time. Now would be the perfect opportunity.â You offer and Natasha likes that idea. She takes both notebooks to sets them down on the table. You lie down first and she crawls on top of you. Her head rests on your chest, your arms wrap around her waist, and you simply hold each other. Your shared breathing and warmth lull you to a place of comfort. Natasha wriggles her butt, silently asking for your hands on her, and you oblige. You reach down, and your right hand travels over the slope of her soft, supple behind, before you rub. Itâs tentative touches at first. Just a simple swipe of your hand before your rubs turn into kneading. You massage the covered flesh in your hands and Natasha hums.Â
âI missed this,â She mutters into your chest. She peeks her head up at you. Her eyes travel from your eyes to your lips. She follows through with whatever thought sheâs having and she kisses you. Her kiss is gentle and reassuring. She lingers, her lips brushing against yours before she opens her eyes again. âI missed you.â
âI missed you too,â You kiss her again. âSo much, Natasha.â She smiles widely. She canât describe how happy she feels right now. Sheâs here with you, in your arms, and thereâs no other place sheâd rather be. Her happiness surges to something else entirely. Suddenly all she wants is you. She kisses you again, deeper, harder, this time itâs all teeth and tongue. She sucks her bottom lips into your mouth, eliciting a moan from deep inside you and your grip on her ass loosens.Â
âWe shouldnât,â She breathes between kisses.Â
âYouâre right,â You nod in agreement. âThough she did say we could.â
âItâs not like we need permission,â Natasha smirks. âWeâve done this before.â
You shrug. She may be right.Â
âWhich means I know how to get creative,â You flip the both of you over in one swift move. You adjust Natasha against the pillows, her hair fanning out under her, as you lie beside her legs. âInteresting choice of attire today.â
âIt was either this or the workout gear,â She laughs.Â
âItâs okay, makes it more fun,â You take nimble fingers to the buttons of her blouse. Natasha watches as you unbutton to reveal her smooth skin. âTell me to stop.â You say but she doesnât say a word.Â
âWhat if I donât want you to stop?â She challenges. You slide your fingers under her bra cap, feeling her nipple harden under your palm, and she shivers.Â
âIâve always liked you,â You joke and she nips at your chin. âI love you.â You correct and she hums. Much better. You twist her nipple, bordering on harsh, and Natasha practically jumps out of her skin. God, sheâs missed this. You lean your head down, pushing the cup to the side, to suck her rosy nipple into your mouth. You swirl your tongue, alternating between licking and sucking and Natasha drops her head against the pillows again. You make sloppy sucking noises, only proving to turn her on further, as she rests a hand over your head to keep you there. âI want to make you cum.â You release her nipple with a pop.Â
Natasha is a grown woman. She likes sex. She enjoys sex. Sheâs about to throw away all of her reservations and tell you to do whatever. You offer an alternative. You button her slacks, zipping them down far enough for your hands to reach inside and you slide in. Your fingers ghost over the lips of her panties, pushing to feel the wetness seeping through, and Natasha preens.Â
âLike this then?â You say and she nods. That makes it more fun. You rake your nails over Natasha's pussy, finding the small nub peeking through the fabric, and you pay the most attention to that. Natasha arches her back and forces you to press against her deeper. âYou like that baby?â You ask. âIs this what you wanted?â You ask as you work your magic through the cotton of her panties. Natasha nods her head, mouth open, eyes closed in complete pleasure.Â
âNgh,â She moans her words caught in her throat, as she rocks her hips into your fingers. It feels so damn good. This entire act may seem a bit immature but she doesnât care. Your fingers are on her, practically inside of her, and even with the thin barrier of her underwear she feels everything. You are firm in your movements. Youâre purposeful with every circling of your fingers. Your movements go from small tight circles to wide and rough as Natasha moans louder. âYes,â She hisses between her teeth. âYes.âShe whines and you know sheâs close.Â
âChase it, baby,â You encourage. âYouâre so pretty like this. At my mercy.â You continue. âThe perfect doll. So open and wet for me.â You kiss her bare shoulder, her neck, her chest. Anywhere you can reach. It feels so dirty here. The smell of her sex reaching your nose. The sound of shuffling and moving against the cushions is the only thing heard in the entire house. You want to give Natasha this. You need to give it to her. âMy pretty girl. I want to make you my pretty wife again.â You find yourself saying and itâs the right thing. Natasha stiffens, and her left hand comes to grip your right arm as her hips thrust against your fingers. Even through her panties, you can feel the sudden gush of wetness from her. Natasha whimpers pitifully as you talk her through it. âThatâs it, baby. I know. Your pussy feels so good.â You whisper closer to her ear. When she finally comes down, Natasha falls limp against the cushions and you catch her. You remove your fingers from her pants, resting them by her side, as you watch the rise and fall of her chest. Natasha opens her eyes a moment later, a bit startled by the fact that youâre watching her, and she shakes her head. You kiss her swollen lips.Â
âYou did so well for me,â You praise and delight in her skin turning into an even redder shade. âI liked seeing you cum.â
âStop,â Natasha groans. You chuckle. âThank you.â
âDonât thank me for your orgasm,â You deny her. âI had fun doing it. Iâd like to do it again soon. Maybe with that strap, youâve been asking for.â
âIâd like that.â Natasha nods.Â
âThis didnât change things for you right?â You question and she tilts her head. âI mean to say that I meant what I said about making you my wife. It wasnât just something I was saying to get you off.â
âIt worked either way,â She quips. âI want that too. With you. Someday.â
âGood,â You smile. You trade kisses with Natasha, noting her sudden fatigue until you fall asleep in each otherâs arms. You werenât exactly intending to but you know you both need it.Â
************
A few hours later youâre awakened by the sound of the front door unlocking. The kids are home. You awaken first, tapping Natasha awake, and she only nuzzles into your body further. Sheâs not ready to move away.Â
âUnbelievable,â Yelena Belovaâs voice interrupts your bliss. You both pop up to see the blonde standing over the two of you with a look of disgust on her face. âI canât believe it.â Yelena shakes her head.Â
âMommy!â Emma and Ryan chorus. Natasha makes quick work of buttoning up her shirt and pants without them seeing. Itâs Yelena who notices and shakes her head.Â
âIs this why you wanted me to pick them up?â Yelena asks but then she drops Emmaâs backpack onto the ground. âYou know what, Iâm leaving, I donât even care.â She heads for the front door. You watch in trepidation as Natasha races after her.Â
âYelena,â Natasha calls after her younger sister. âYelena, youâre acting like a child.â
âAnd youâre being stupid,â The woman insults. She turns back to Natasha with a disappointed look on her face. âYou canât think one quick fuck is going to make her stay. She left you. She left your kids. I canât fucking believe this.â
âYelena, thatâs enough,â Natasha speaks firmly. âYou donât know whatâs going on.â
âWell I have eyes,â Yelena argues back. â I think I can see.â
âSheâs my wife,â Natasha pleads with her sister to understand.Â
���No,â Yelena rants. âSheâs your ex-wife that broke your heart.â
âAnd sheâs trying to make things better,â
âAnd just like that, you believe her? Youâre smarter than that, Natasha.â Yelena scolds her sister. Natasha doesnât speak. âDonât call me when she decides she doesnât want to play house anymore.â Yelena walks away after that.Â
Natasha watches as her sister gets into her car and drives down the street. How was she supposed to respond to that? She turns back toward the house to see you standing on the steps waiting for her.Â
âThat was intense,â You comment. Natasha nods. You hold out your arms for her to step into them. She hides her face in your neck.Â
âAm I being stupid?â She mumbles into your neck and you almost miss it.Â
âNo, Natasha,â You assure her.Â
âDonât make me look stupid,â She pleads. âI wonât survive it this time.âÂ
âMe either,â You hold her.Â
You wouldnât give this up again. You understand that Natashaâs family has a right to be cautious. They have a right to hate you. You could only hope that they see that youâre trying.
---> next part
#natasha romanoff#black reader#natasha x reader#black widow x reader#black widow x female reader#natasha romanov#natasha x you#natsxaddiction#natasha romanoff smut
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Silco x Ambessa Headcanons
how do ambessa and silco act in their relationship? favorite things to do, how they show their love, and what their sex life is like.
3K EST

(powerful art from seaangel00 on tt)
tgs: fluff at first, NSFW, cuddling, cunnilingus, rope play, manhandling, dom switch!ambessa, switch!silco, absolute sweetness ahead i pray you read this post!! mildly proofread
an: if u like this post u should totally check out my other Ambessa Silco post, "A Friend From Noxus"!!
Ambessa is manhandling silco when it's time for fun.
He likes it, although he tries to keep his authority. It's the one moment where he gets to fully relax in the arms of someone, dare he say, more competent and trustworthy than himself. He truly gets to let go, relinquish his power, and allow himself to be used by Ms. Merdarda.
She likes it because she gets to blow off steam. Dominating is her pride in life. She also likes how gentle he is and pliant. he accepts anything from her if it earns him her company. She's never felt so appreciated. Whether it be her preaching on hours about a topic he's not familar with or sparing with soldiers, he always listens and watches her so intently.
Their favorite activity is letting a fond vinyl play with some aged wine while chatting about whatever comes to mind. Complaining about idiot subordinates, idiot enemies, troublesome daughter worries, tales of betrayal, woes of themselves, and the future - they seem to just understand each other well.
Silco is the only man in the world, outside of her late husband, that she truly feels equal to. Their fights for power, to protect their families, and secure their birthright, however, means that it makes them quick to connect, too. Silco isn't a good man. He knows it. Ambessa isn't a good woman. She knows it. They don't try to change or fix eachother, they carry their burdens and push limits for their wants. Evil is a complex scale to them. Who can draw the line? They have similar ideals in this manner.
Their girls, ooh, their girls. Ambessa and Silco love their daughters from the bottom of their heart. They share many fond memories discussing them, sharing stories, and their favorite pictures. Ambessa admires Jinx's creativity. Her craftsmanship is sublime. And for silco, who would've guessed that the grand Mel from the council would be Ambessa's beloved daughter. But, to him, it made since considering how intelligent her mother was.
Their quiet evenings are the loveliest. They don't get to enjoy a lot of silence. Their enemies are many, their workload is intense, their cleanup is even worse. So when they have minutes to sit in silence, whether it be cuddling up at night, or reading two separate things in the same room, it always brings them at ease. Just knowing the other's presence lingers brings a sort of pride and comfort.
Their intelligence keeps them stuck like glue. Their constant playful battle of wits. Who is smarter, who is wider, who is faster, more secure. They bicker about anything (well, mostly ambessa does, silco loves to listen to her talk), and their chess matches? Phew, they can be intense. Silco's love for literature and writing, he found solice in Ambessa's brilliantly educated mind. She not only understands the thrills of complex theatre, she enjoys it. Her extensive knowledge of history and wars from places he's never even heard of can never fail to fascinate him.
He kills, she kills. They don't judge. Hell, they'll even organize strategic murders together. All to make a statement - to get what they want. Who would've guessed? Noxions can be good at putting idiots in their place, and boy do shimmer warheads make amazing soldiers.
Ambessa takes good care of him. It's no secret Silco is in poor health. He conceals it so well, it's impossible to catch him weak. After years of bonding in bloodshed, although, Silco opens up beautifully to her. And one thing about Ambessa, she will always take care of her pack. She's feeding him so well, trying to bring back the fat in his slender cheeks, and the color back in his pale skin.
Couple workouts? Oh, he hates it, but he'll put up with it for her. He knows she just wants to take care of him. And he'd be a liar if he didn't mention he loved it equally. He likes being pampered and spoiled if you will. He's not one to like dirt, let alone the dirty living that was pushed onto him, tarnishing his zeal for power in the first place. Ambessa makes sure he's got good mecidine and will always be there to help him with his shimmer injections. She's so incredibly gentle when she does it, almost makes you forget she's seven feet tall.
And, Oh, gentleness. Gentleness is the name of their relationship. Silco has always been attentive and gentle to the ones he loves. Ambessa always wants the best for her loved ones, and will be there to give a tough-love nudge. But she doesn't have to do that often with silco. Their so similar, so matured and aged in this world, she doesn't have to teach him anything serious. So this helps her blossom into trusting him more. Revealing her very sweet, gentle, talkative side. She loves to hold him in her massive arms, whisper tales to him until he falls asleep, caressing his smaller body, gazing at him so fondly.
She's the world's biggest mama bear, so it's not surprising that she's cuddly and affectionate, too. Silco's never really been a romance guy, infact he was confused for weeks when he found out she loved him. Him? Of all people? When she could have anyone at the drop of a hat? He was so boggled at the idea! So when she smothers him with her love, his brain freezes. He grew into it eventually, and though he's not vocal about affection, every now and again he'll bury himself into her while she's reading.
Or he'll cuddle up to her first, surpise her with fresh kisses when he's out the shower, or his favorite, kiss every scar on her body, and smother her knuckles with his lips. His physical affection is small compared to hers, but he makes up for it through quality time, acts of service, and always sticking close by.
Sex. Holy hell. It's magical. They battle for authority everytime. Silco was always a switch, but Ambessa? She always knew she was dominant- or so she thought? There were many times where she'd lose to his pussy eating, letting him take the lead and do the impossible- put her in doggy style!! God was it worth it though. She wasn't aware he knew how to move his body so quickly. Silco's dick is long and skinny, and he's incredibly nimble for an old hoot.
But often times, their play consists of intended takeouts, cunnilingus (Ambessa loves to devour him), and then penis in vagina. Typically, with Ambessa rocking his socks and riding him until the cows come home. Their first time had him loose, sweating, gripping onto her gorgeous curves while she rode backward cowgirl, her favorite position. He loves it too, it's like dinner and a delicious show.
Her ass is so juicy, her tits are big and gorgeous, just as much as she likes to lick him up, God he adores doing to her. She's so perfect, so fucking hot, and it's worse she knows it. Got this white man sweating! She's so strong, too. When she pins him down, he shudders every time, reveling in her force. She could really snap him in half. It's thrilling.
She loves manhandling him. Carrying him, putting him down, pinning him. He grunts and squirms every time he knows he loses in battles of strength. But in battles of technique? He'll have her cornered every time. It's like he's memories every sweet spot in her vagina, all the places she loves to be groped and touched, and how intense or how mellow she likes it too. Like he's memorized star charts of what days she likes it sweet or days she likes to fuck like animals.
Ambessa rides him so intensely, liking the slamming, penetrative feeling so much, she forgets the joy of having her walls slowly and deeply massaged by Silco's head. On sweet days, this is what she prefers. Silco eating her out real good, then fucking her slow (only with her permission!), kissing her neck if he's behind her, or making out deep and slow for every thrust, if he's in front.
They love overstimulation, restrictions and rope play, marathon sex (silco can barely keep up at times, but he puts up a brave fight), and cunnilingus. She'll edge him for hours if he'd let her, sucking him off so deliciously.
When they make love, they make serious love. It's the sweetest, most intimate thing. Lots of eye contact, affectionate words, caressing, rubberized, tender praises on both end, and kisses galore.
#arcane silco#arcane ambessa#arcane fanfic#arcane fic#arcane#ambessa x silco#silco x ambessa#silco smut#ambessa smut#smut#silco arcane#ambessa arcane
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my involvement in publishing drama is rearing its head once more, but... i feel like it's notable that talia bhatt is using some incredibly familiar tactics, socially and rhetorically, particularly regarding racial dynamics in the publishing world and rebuffing criticism, and is in the same social circles based around the same niche movement reclaiming radical feminism from a trans lens as benjanun sriduangkaew herself. (they hang around the same crowd and talk to the same people on bluesky, usually about radical transfeminism, and are making forays back into the social realm of the publishing world through the same inroads, albeit bhatt's recent move from genre fiction to straight theory writing puts her in a bit of a different sphere than benjanun's previous SFF-focused one. that said, the spheres seem to be overlapping more and more by the day, if my bluesky timeline is to be believed--partially due to the radical transfeminist movement itself cohering more and more across medium and genre lines, imho.)
because i am discussing benjanun, i must clarify, i have no doubt they are actually separate people--i think bhatt even most likely is who she says she is, given her position on a staff page for northeastern university--i'm more writing this out because i think the parallels in their tactics while being directly in the same ideologically-based social circles betray an underlying culture. a movement where bhatt and benjanun are simultaneously rallied around and their parallel social tactics defended and celebrated is a movement that must, inherently, normalize abusive behavior. their shared social spheres must, by nature of their actions, celebrate harm and punish revealing that harm.
i know tumblr went feral for bhatt's article on third-sexing and transfeminized subjects in the third world--my criticisms of how she actively misrepresents caste politics to her mostly-western audience in a way that obscures her own position within them have already gone on record--but i think, additionally, it's necessary to come at theory with a certain level of skepticism when it's generated by a social sphere that openly celebrates abusive behaviors. i think there's a portion of people who would be reading bhatt's claims very differently with the knowledge that her theory is generated in the context of benjanun sriduangkaew's current crew, for example, because they have a pre-existing awareness of the kind of behaviors that social context must reward.
#there's also something here about tokenizing the third-world feminist to legitimize your absolutely batshit ideological movement but#i do not feel qualified to explore that aspect in-depth#if anyone harasses me over this post you will not receive any satisfaction from this whatsoever.#i delete all harassment on sight and i do not engage. i do not check my notes on this blog. this is a dumping ground of a blog.
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@c-nstantine @milkbean69 @mintballoons @kawaiigirly21 @vamp-bunny @sacredwarrior88 @winters-doll
I was thinking about J'onn's portrayal in Justice League cartoon iterations, both how good they were and how they left much to be desired. I feel like the Justice League/Justice League Unlimited iteration of J'onn J'onzz was the most in-depth - which speaks to how much DC does not value the character at all.
One thing that I like about J'onn's overall character is that he has the powers and empathy of Superman while also maintaining the intelligence and pragmatism that Batman has. There's one particular conversation (or argument depending on how you interpret the dialogue) between Superman and J'onn that is very tense in Justice League Unlimited: Season 2 x Episode 10, which is called Flashpoint.
The TL;DR is that CADMUS is increasingly concerned about the Justice League's growth in the last few years - especially because they've extended their roster from just seven extremely powerful and skilled individuals to a whole ass army of superpowered vigilantes. So, they start fucking with Supergirl and our friendly neighborhood Kryptonian is understandably not happy. The confrontation between Superman and J'onn, which quickly becomes Superman vs. J'onn, Green Arrow and Flash, taught me more about ALL of these characters - especially J'onn, than damn near all pieces of animated and live-action media.
There are three particular lines from J'onn that helped me understand who he is.
Superman: "Give me one reason not to go down there and take them [CADMUS] out."
J'onn: "If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't have bothered to ask."
And...
Superman: "We can't let CADMUS get away with this."
J'onn: "No one's saying we should, but we have to keep a cool head."
And...
Green Arrow: (to Supergirl) "Look kid, Hamilton's [fake ass hoe who works for CADMUS] a piece of garbage and Luthor's worse. But this isn't the way to stop them."
J'onn: "We must also consider the possibility that CADMUS is right to be afraid of us."
I love these exchanges because they show me how J'onn is so powerful but he also acknowledges how he has to be so restrained all. the. time. And there's so much context as to how J'onn has to interpret his relationship with humans because not only does he look vastly different from Superman, but his experiences are vastly different because of how humans have treated him.
Bear in mind that this man was literally taken into custody when he got to earth - and he was trying to SAVE earth from the same aliens that destroyed his world (*this applies specifically to the Justice League iteration of his backstory).
But Superman has had mostly positive experiences with human from being raised by a lovely human couple to even forming a relationship with a human woman. AND he's interpreted as white - which adds another layer to his character.
There's a reason why Martian Manhunter is interpreted by some fans as "black-coded" - including myself - because he understands firsthand how humanity's bias can separate people based on looks - especially as an alien who can shapeshift and look like anyone.
So, Superman being ready to fly off the handle because of a negative interaction comes off as almost like a tantrum to J'onn, despite the understandable reasons why he's upset.
It reminds me of one scene from a The Boys episode where Billy Butcher and Stan Edgar are discussing how to get rid of Homelander.
Billy Butcher: [Regarding Stan Edgar choosing to keep a literal Nazi hoe as a superhero for his company] "Maybe you should take a look in the mirror, mate. Cuz that bitch should bother you."
Stan Edgar: "Of course she does. But it's not about me. I can't lash out like some raging, entitled maniac. That's a white man's luxury."
While Stan Edgar's motivations are totally different from our favorite Martian's, with Edgar's goal being to control humanity using the pharmaceutical superhero company he's in charge of and J'onn's goal being to save humanity and make it better, both men have a very realistic view of their current situations, how they are perceived and how they have to respond to be successful.
Plus, J'onn is just a real ass dude to be honest. He doesn't flinch when Superman runs up to him and is crashing out. In the show, he reguarly corrects other heroes when they are using excessive force, such as Wonder Woman.
In my opinion, I think Batman specifically put him in this position as watchtower moderator since he not only has the intelligence to balance all these heroes...but he also has a fucking backbone. Martian Manhunter isn't a follower.
I also think this is why J'onn gravitates towards law enforcement roles, whether it's being a detective or being a literal Manhunter back on Mars. Because to be Martian Manhunter is to be fair to everyone - even when it's hard.
This is why it's so fun to be a Martian Manhunter fan and make up stories about him. Because he's always so controlled, calm and collected that I just want to see him crash out ONE đđžGOOD đđž TIME đđž over a love interest.
Like that scene with Martian Manhunter and Superman arguing over CADMUS would've gone HELLA different had J'onn had a superpowered girlfriend who was also threatened by CADMUS.
Superman: "Oh yeah? And tell me, what if CADMUS went after (Y/N)?"
The whole room goes silent.
Flash resists the urge to flinch when J'onn's eyes narrow at Superman.
J'onn: "This has nothing to do with her. You leave her out of this."
Superman: (glares) "And if CADMUS chooses not to leave her out of it? Since you're okay with CADMUS targeting us and we don't get to respond, I wonder what would happen if they experimented on someone important to you. Something tells me those scientists would suddenly all get aneurysms-"
J'onn: "You leave. My mate. Out. Of this."
#martian manhunter x reader#martian manhunter x black!reader#j'onn j'onzz x reader#x black reader#x black!reader#this is also why I wanted more Justice Lords content#because Justice Lord Martian Manhunter does not abide by the rules that his Justice League counterpart adheres to AT ALL
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So, Gunwild, the writer of Cassiopeia Quinn, made a comment on that post about webcomics turning into illustrated prose
gunwildversuseverything said: I was hoping this would prompt a discussion about formats and expression, but no, itâs about artist versus writer workloads and âamount of storyâ being reduced to equations and word counts and update schedules. Figures.
And you know what, it's a good point. So instead of getting into the Artist vs Writers debate for the millionth time, let's take a look at how you, and artist and/or writer, can get a story told on the internet. For the sake of this discussion, lets assume you don't have any actual preference for a given medium that might influence you, you just want to know what's right for your story and will learn whatever skills you need.
TRADITIONAL WEBCOMIC
Comics are the most visual-heavy medium that a solo project can realistically do. This has several business advantages (pictures do better on social media), but it's also a good fit for stories with a bunch of things that are interesting to look at. Cassiopeia Quinn is a story heavily featuring weird alien races, cool spaceships, and attractive young women with extraordinarily casual dress codes. These are visual things! And visual things can be conveyed super quickly and subtly using visuals. Imagine just the "Cassiopeia doesn't wear pants" gimmick, if this was written out. If Cassiopeia gets a description of her appearance the first time she shows up in chapter one and then it's kind of glossed over, the reader would forget. If every time Cassiopeia entered a scene Gunwild had to go
Cassiopeia sauntered up to the motorcycle rack. Her own rack was barely contained by a dangling strip of black fabric, visible through an open orange jacket. Black elbow-high sleeves, covering her hands, matched her thigh-high stockings, separated from her black panties by her thigh pouch.
Somehow it's a lot less cute when it's written out like this, huh? And it also takes way longer to read that then it does to just look at her on the page, which increases the chance your readers might get bored. Comics are the medium that takes the most time to make and also the least time to read, which makes readers a lot more likely to put up with exposition or a plot tangent that doesn't really connect with them. Even if your comic has bits that don't grip your readers, they can grip themselves if you show them interesting bits.
The main downside of comics is the "equations and update schedules" part. They take a looooooong time to make, even compared to everything else. It's also got issues with how people read it. A comic that looks good on a desktop often looks too small on a phone.
TEXT UNDER A PANEL
This style is so strongly associated with Homestuck that a lot of people who weren't making explicitly Homestuck-themed comics seem to have been scared off it. But it's a perfectly cromulent format. It reads well on both desktop and mobile, and lets you use art for all your visuals while using text for dialogue and character thoughts. It's not, however, the best fit for every story. Because each panel is separate, it can be hard to make an exciting action scene this way, which is part of why this format is also associated with special animated pages (I mean, besides "Homestuck did it"). The panels don't really flow into each other, and there's a constant switching between looking and reading.
ILLUSTRATED PROSE
Distinguished from the Text Under a Panel Style mostly by the ratio of text to art, without a hard line demarcating the distinction between them. This style also reads well in desktop and mobile. Well, it should, but a lot of webcomics who switch to this style tend to stay in their webcomic format, meaning it's a picture of text that doesn't resize legibly, grumble grumble. I don't....I don't know if I need to explain the concept of "text" to people. You know what words are, and if you don't there's nothing I can say to explain it.
VISUAL NOVEL
I'm not going to claim to be a visual novel expert, but the main advantages are that it's the most art-efficient medium of any of these (because you can flat-out reuse art), the main disadvantages are that you'll usually need music, it's maybe not as well suited to long monologues, and most importantly that it's not a good method for drip-feed three-day-a-week updates. You kind of have to release the entire thing all at once, or at least in large episodes.
ALL OF THE ABOVE

A comic like Out-of-Placers is mostly traditional, but uses illustrated prose for lore updates. Prequel is text-under-a-panel but not always, and of course Homestuck is the absolute king of format switching, even ignoring the animations. The upside is that you can use the best format for any given scene, and that you're constantly keeping your readers on their toes. The downside (besides having to learn to do all this shit) is that you kind of have to commit to the bit and get your readers on board early with the idea that you're going to just be doing whatever this week. It's also harder to take full advantage of any one medium if you're constantly switching them up
I'm sure I'm forgetting about two hundred formats, but what are the biggest ones I'm missing?
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PET PokĂŠmon: Pearl
Meowstic (M), Meowstic (F), Midnight Lycanroc, Naganadel, Lurantis, Beeheyem, Alolan Marowak, Mudsdale
âOriginating from a little-known region south of Kanto, here we have Pearlescent Moon! Pearl became a competitive battler as a teenager, quickly rising up the ranks until becoming a champion! She and her partner Rockruff were favorites among fans up until their championship tournament- recordings were corrupted so no one can be certain what really happened, but it must have been serious to have pushed her partner to evolution!â ~Champion Time News
Starting off with Pearl, our main character! Sheâs the one I have the most planned for, both in terms of backstory and upcoming plot. Pearl takes the form of a protagonist character for a fake Australia-inspired region. Her journey was followed by strange events and oddities, breaks in reality. She became friends with the members of a private internet forum (Evo) during her time in the gym circuit as they compared her current experiences with historic records and discussed battle strategies, and began adventuring alongside her rival Karn when the Ultra Wormhole activity got too risky (becoming partners with him years later).
Pearlâs initial adventure ended when an Ultra Wormhole opened during her championship tournament, dragging the competitors into another dimension. She managed to save them all⌠barely. The details of the event arenât publicly known, and Pearl isnât one to talk about it unless she has to. All anyone uninvolved knows is that it resulted in her Rockruff evolving and awarded her the title of Champion. Sheâs never been quite the same since this event, dubbed the Championship Crisis, but years of separation and therapy have dulled some of the pain.
In modern days Pearl is still an active Champion-level trainer, and works for the International Police as an Ultraspace specialist. She spends most of her time as a community leader around the region (as is expected of Champions), occasionally leaving to handle reports of potential Ultraspace activity around the world.Â
Sheâs got the largest team by far, and Iâve borrowed from Alolaâs pokedex pretty heavily when making it.Â
Her two Meowstic are, of course, Nugget and Olive. They were originally her familyâs Pokemon, but she took them in after the Championship Crisis. They donât take the field as battlers, instead providing support with their psychic abilities (and as a form of emotional support to Pearl). Their inclusion does push her team up to eight Pokemon, but in my mind the six Pokemon team limit is actually just a League rule for official battles and a rule of thumb in terms of how many Pokemon a competitive battler can actually take care of at a time.
Her midnight-form Lycanroc is another obvious pick, Tilly! She caught a Rockruff as a starter pokemon and it took on a role similar to Ashâs Pikachu, being immensely overpowered for an unevolved pokemon⌠up until the Championship Crisis. Pearl also caught her Naganadel as a Poipole during the same event. Most people are unsettled by the Ultra Beast, so it mostly helps out with Pearlâs International Police duties rather than the Champion ones.
And while that does it for all of her directly plot-relevant pokemon, weâve still got most of a team to go through! Lurantis is sorta based on Pearlâs Empires themeâtheir arms would make a good scythe for harvesting crops, wouldnât they? Along the same line, Beeheyem is based on Pearlâs Hermitcraft season 9 theme. I havenât had the time to watch much of that season, but Iâm hoping that it works well with her astral association if it doesnât actually relate to s9. Iâd also love to include a pokemon that references being the Queen of Decked Out 2, but Iâm not entirely sure what would make sense for that.
Alolan Marowak was a delightfully easy choice; Iâd been thinking that it seemed like a good pick, but couldnât figure out a reason why⌠up until Pearl mentioned in a somewhat recent stream that Marowak is her favorite pokemon. Immensely fortuitous! Honestly Kantonian Marowak probably makes more sense than the Alolan form, but for whatever reason Iâve been pretty set on the idea of Pearl having a Mudsdale and Iâd like for her to retain some level of type diversity.
#remember when i just said that I wouldn't have time to finalize the character posts?#well i wasn't strictly wrong but I'm too excited to share Pearl's so it's *maybe* a little scuffed#also as a quick note: the pokemon teams for every character (ESPECIALLY those outside of PET) are very much flexible#i gave them the pokemon that I felt made sense but I'm definitely not all-knowing or correct#so if anyone has ideas other than what's listed PLEASE let me know!#I'd love to hear other's thoughts!#Same for if people want to ask questions or share thoughts on the AU#always happy to chat about it :)#mcyt#trafficblr#life series#pokemon#pearlescentmoon#ravings#PET pokemon
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iâm not gonna lie⌠iâm lost here. is this supposed to be an 4nt1/cr1t1c4l post? if so, i genuinely donât understand the point being made.
is it that playful banter is a bad thing? is it that being too hands-on violates unspoken boundaries? the message is so unclear to my autistic assâŚ
oh, wait, OP provided tags:

so aside from the fact that they are absolutely not sisters by default, least of all canonically (even if you do interpret them that way somehow), nor was it ever intended by nate stevenson, iâm still having trouble figuring out how this is problematic.
in which ways is lighthearted touch totally contradictory to passionate kissing/caressing? why canât partners who are dating do both, especially in different cultural environments such as the horde where intimacy is discouraged and friendly sparring with familiar peers is a safe expression? if itâs so different, what are we as the audience supposed to interpret from their style of physical affection by the final season? side note, but arenât we supposed to consider the latest version of anything in general as the most accurate?
now i have a question lol, did you take this moment literally at her word, and all the other times she repeated it?
also, my friend just pointed out that this is the classic homophobic talking point of "they seem to just be very good friends! they were roommates!" lmao. i've never agreed with accusing anyone who cr1t1c1z3s catradora of lesbophobia, which i'm not doing necessarily, because that's simply not how it works, however i found this funny and partially true so i'm keeping it in.

the lip bite was included unintentionally đ
anyway, as iâve discussed on this blog before, iâm very arospec and itâs inseparably intwined with my identity itself; i also project that onto catra. something we often bring up in that community, is romance-favorability (as its own spectrum of range all the way to blatant repulsion btw) â which is a personal preference thatâs defined as exactly as it sounds like and occasionally revolves around fictional depiction as separate from one's own reality â and arguably more importantly, amatonormativity â which is an arbitrary set of rules for romantic expectations set up by an alloromantic society. this is typically thought of as common denial of the idea that someone could actually want to separate themself from needing a life partner in marriage, but can very much be applied to an annoying list of what draws the line between romantic & platonic relationships. that line is very individualistic and is to be decided on such a level only, and it doesnât even get into what queerplatonic means, a concept saved for another day!
my point is, the OP seems to be trying to claim that catradora objectively cannot be read as romantic because their dynamic growing up & early-on in the story doesnât perfectly meet socially-constructed standards of what that should look like. i say we need to eradicate those standards altogether! itâs up to catradora to decide what they are, if anything specific at all, not us as the audience â assuming they couldâve had the words at their disposal to knowingly describe it. going back to my earlier paragraph above about how limited they were in the fright zone, iâll borrow a quote from a comment i made on one of my recent reblogged posts (which is a great meta on how their mutual desire was uh... definitely not platonic):
"Catra and Adoraâs desire for one another is shown in a variety of ways, mostly indirect. There are a lot of glances - until season 5, not the kind of open leering at one another that weâd seen between other characters. Mostly itâs fairly playful - wiggled or cocked eyebrows, glances at each other while smirking, that kind of thing, or really intense and somewhat angry glares when theyâre fighting."
it's really bothering me that i can't recall where i read this from before, but someone analyzed before how, growing up, catra & adora didn't have a good sense of how to label their relationship with accurate terminology despite being subconsciously aware that they, whether they knew the other reciprocated or not, loved each other "like that." unfortunately, they couldn't further explore it because such love & affection was seen as a punishable weakness in the horde, so they resorted to the only safe option they seemed to have, which was subtle body language and play-fighting as [testudoaubrei-blog] described above.
also, since this screenshot is included in that post... i would be amused to read an explanation of how THIS LOOK from catra is "platonic with a capital P", because i'm not even sure if it's up for debate to be quite honest with you:

ESPECIALLY with the "i always have!" line (which 4nt1s like to doubt, but i don't care, it's official!):

#spop#she ra#she-ra#she-ra and the princesses of power#catradora#catra#adora#catra x adora#s3#season three#3x05#analysis#meta#discourse#aromantic#arospec#romance favorable#amatonormativity
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kacy + a break-up AU based on this prompt list: "youâre my emergency contact and iâve been in an accident so you drop everything to come to the hospital"
âââââââââââââââââââââââ
The thing no one says about breakups is that they're an utter inconvenience.
Kate tries to rationalize it; she was dating Lucy Tara for twelve months and thirteen days, it's only natural to have established a routine that will take some time to unlearn. So when she wakes up and reaches for a warm body that isn't there, it still takes a while to remember why. And when she makes her morning coffee, maybe sometimes she will pour the creamer that Lucy likes by accident. (By the end of the week, she will have to pour the whole container down the drain). Thatâs normal too. Mostly.
Lucyâs absence hits the most in the morning, but Kate goes through the motions anyway. Before Lucy she would always take her coffee outside and sit on the balcony to watch the sunrise, so she still does it. Of course now thereâs no Lucy wrapped up in a blanket and insistently making her way onto Kateâs lap to sleep while she does it, but. Kate sips from her mug and watches the clouds roll in over the gloomy horizon and pretends nothing has changed.
The drive to work is quiet save for the gentle patter of rain against her windows. Her radio is still set to the station Lucy likes, and Kate hasnât managed to change it. Baby stepsâthatâs all it takes. Maybe tomorrow Kate might have the courage to switch it back to her own.
And when everything at home is too loud and simultaneously too empty, thereâs work. Kate gets to her desk and finds a mountain of files with new assignments, and she welcomes them with open arms; her work has always been separate from Lucy, and it's the one constant she doesn't need to readjust to.
For a blissful hour and a half, Kate is in her own world. She argues with a client about what confidentiality means (and what it doesn't). She reschedules the deposition of a plaintiff on a particularly high-profile case because opposing counsel has accidentally double-booked. She creates an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of her new cases but organizes the clients by market value.Â
By all accounts, her morning is shaping up considerably. That is, until her cell phone starts buzzing.
She ignores the first call from the unknown number flashing on the screen. Instead, she gets coffee from the awful machine in the break room. The second call comes thirty minutes later, and Kate ignores it again, spends her time politely explaining how to use the fax machine to her confused new paralegal.
When her phone rings a third timeâjust as Kate has gotten out of a grueling meeting with the senior attorneys which should've been an emailâshe answers it solely for peace of mind: âThis is Kate.â
There's a brief shuffle on the other end. âHi, I'm calling from St. Joseph Hospital for a Katherine Whistler?â
âSpeaking,â Kate says curtly, prepared to give a spiel about how she won't donate at this time when the caller continues,
âOhâgood morning.â More shuffling. âIs this a good time? I have a sensitive matter to discuss.â
Kate frowns even if the person on the other line can't see it. âYes, it's fine,â she says, and watches as her work phone lights up with another call that she will just have to return later.Â
âI'm calling on behalf of a patient: Lucy Tara. She has you listed as her emergency contact. She is unresponsive and we were wondering if you could come in to discuss the particulars of her careâŚâ
The rest of the call is static. Kate almost drops her phone entirely, only grasping onto select words like they're a lifeline. Lucy is alive. Lucy is hurt. Lucy was found unconscious. Lucy has yet to wake up. Lucy is alive.
Kate doesn't even tell anyone she's leaving; she just goes. Later, senior attorney Michael Curtis will tell Kate that she looked extremely pale and sickly when rushing out of the office, but Kate will only remember a vague blur from that phone call to actually arriving at the hospital. It might be the most reckless thing sheâs ever done, come to think of it.
Dr. Carla Chase is the physician assigned to Lucyâs care, and she takes one look at Kate and blinks as if surprised to see her. âForget an umbrella?â
âI'm sorry?â Kate says, heart caught dangerously high in her throat. She's literally choking on worryâDr. Chaseâs words don't sink in until she takes a step forward and realizes she is currently dripping all over the linoleum floor.
Dr. Chase gives her a small, sympathetic smile. âLet me ease your mind,â she says. âMs. Tara woke up. Our timeline is good, she was not unconscious for long. Has a concussion and a nasty bump, but she's going to be just fine.â
Kate breathes. âOh,â she says shakily, and embarrassingly, hot tears spring to her eyes at the confirmation. âThat'sâŚgreat. Thank you.â
âYou can come inside, see her. I'll go find you a towel.â Even though Kate is a sopping mess, Dr. Chase still pauses to place a hand on her shoulder and squeeze reassuringly.
Even with the worst over, the hardest part is still walking into the roomâharder still is watching as Lucy looks up with those wide, curious eyes that become expressionless the instant she sees Kate.
âKate? What are you doing here?â Lucy asks, voice not quite harsh but definitely not welcoming.
Kate opens her mouth, but is unable to form words. She's too stuck just staring at Lucy: at the bruise that colors the entirety of the swell of her cheek, at the large bandage over her jaw, at the purpling of her black eye. Any relief at knowing that Lucy is awake sinks into horror at the state of Lucyâs injuries.
âKate,â Lucy repeats, frowning. âWhy do you look like someone died?â A beat. âAnd why are you wet?â
âTheâthe hospital called me,â Kate manages. âAre you okay? How are youâŚhow are you feeling?â
âI'm fine. I just fell down a stupid mountain.â Lucy smooths down her blanket, twisting the corner between her fingertips the way she does when she's uncomfortable.
âA mountain?â
âIt's not as dramatic as it sounds,â Lucy says. âKai and I were searching for a missing kid and we got separated, and with the rain it was muddy and foggy andâŚwell, you get it.â
âAnd he left you there? Unconscious?â Kate has met Kai Holman once or twice, and knows very little about him except that just like Lucy, he volunteers for search and rescue missions to escape his normal job. Beyond that, Kateâs opinion of him is quickly going downhill.
âHe wasn't there when it happened,â Lucy argues. âI already texted him and explained, but, I told him he didn't have to come see me or anything.â She stops. âSo why did you come?â
âBecause the hospital called,â Kate says again, which is pretty self-explanatory.
Apparently, Lucy does not feel the same way. âBut you didn't have to answer the phone,â she points out. âWeâre not together. You could've just said âsorry, sheâs my exâ and called it a day.â
Kate stiffens. âYou're the one who has me as your emergency contact. It was theâŚdecent thing to do,â she says.
Lucy rolls her eyes. âOkay, congratulations,â she says, âyou have done your civic duty of not being an asshole. But Iâm alright, so you can go back to deep-sea diving in your pantsuit or whatever you were up to before this.â
âHold on,â Kate says, a flare of panic overtaking any objection she might have to Lucyâs disdain (which is completely unwarranted, by the way). âHow are you getting home?â
âTheyâve invented a modern miracle called an Uber, not sure if you heard.â Lucy waves her phone exaggeratedly. âIâll survive.â
It's an out, and Kate should take it. She should walk out that door and never look back, let all the unsaid issues between them continue to morph and mutate into something ugly and irreversible. But she canât.Â
âIâll drive you home,â Kate says at last.
Lucy immediately shakes her head. âThatâs not necessary,â she says. âSeriously. If youâre that against Ubers, I can call Kai and get him here in two seconds. Heâd be more than happy to take me home.â
âThat would be unnecessary. Iâm already here.â
âAnd you donât have to be,â Lucy reiterates, staring Kate down like she expects her to cave.
If it were any other situation, Kate would. She's soaked head to toe from the rain, she has no obligation to be here, and by all accounts either reason would be a rational excuse to extradite herself from this hospital. Especially the formerâthe chill of her wet clothes is finally beginning to catch up to her, and she blindly brushes back her damp hair while resisting the urge to shiver. It would be the rational decision to go home and change into warm clothes (and explain to her boss why she left without as much as a text explaining why).
But for once in her life, Kate isn't being rational. âI'm not leaving,â she says, crossing her arms in an attempt to look firm.Â
Lucy sighs, sagging backwards against her pillow. âCome on, Kate,â she says. âThis is awkward enough. I don't need a babysitter after one tiny little fall.â
âDown a mountain,â Kate says, unable to let that fact go. âWhat do your parents think about this?â
âIâŚmight've not told them. Exactly.â Lucy bites her lip in an obvious effort not to wince. âI asked for the day off when I woke up, so.â
Kate blinks. âYou woke up after a traumatic fall,â she says slowly, âandâŚasked your parents for PTO.â
âI wouldn't call it traumatic. That's such an ugly word. Limiting, even,â Lucy says. âIt would've been a total badass move if it hadn't been, you know, raining.â
A knock against the wall announces Dr. Chaseâs arrival, who has thankfully brought Kate that towel. âHow are we doing?â she asks.
âReady to get out of here,â Lucy says, sitting up eagerly. âWhenever you say so, doc.â
âWell, I really would recommend a CT scan to be on the safe side,â Dr. Chase says. âBut given that you've passed all our cognitive tests and your vision is good, I can consider a dischargeâŚas long as you have someone at home to monitor you today and make sure no further symptoms arise. And no sleeping until your normal bedtime.â
âIâll be with her,â Kate interjects as she towels off her hair. Lucy looks like she might argue, but her desire to leave must win out, because she doesn't speak up.
âFantastic. Let me get your discharge paperwork and a prescription for some painkillersâall over the counter. Then we're going to have a serious discussion about what you should and should not do, okay?â
âGot it. Thanks, Dr. Chase,â Lucy says cheerfully, but the instant the doctor leaves, so does her smile. âWhat was that? You obviously can't stay with me.â
âI know,â Kate says defensively, even ifâfor a secondâshe had been completely prepared to. âI'm sure Ernie or Jane can monitor your symptoms just fine.â
â...yeah,â Lucy agrees slowly, as if she had been expecting Kate to argue. Then, âOh, shit. I actually forgot to tell Jane I'm here.â She frantically opens her phone and starts texting up a flurry, her brow crinkling as she concentrates on her screen, and Kate is brought back to movie nights spent scouring Wikipedia articles and faux-arguing over date night picks and it'sâŚtoo much.
This is the opposite of unlearning; this is an all too painful reminder that Lucy Tara is no longer in her life. Kate wrings the damp towel between her hands and takes a deep breath to save face. At the very least, Lucy doesn't seem to have caught on to Kateâs internal turmoil, because when she looks up again all the cheerfulness from before is back.
Kate knows in that instant she never wants Lucy to lose that cheer again. âEverything okay?â she asks, aiming for just-polite-enough interest, and Lucy is gracious enough to allow it.
âThey found the missing girl,â Lucy says, sagging backwards in obvious relief. âThank God.â When she smiles, even if itâs down at her phone, Kate nearly tears up all over again.
âThatâs great.â Kate clears her throat, places her hands in her (wet) pockets, and tries very hard to act casual. âSo is Jane going to stay with you, then?â
âNoâsheâs the one who found the kid, she has to stay and give the police a statement,â Lucy mutters, biting her lip distractedly as she types out another message. âIâll see what Ernieâs up to.â
By the time Dr. Chase comes back with discharge paperwork and a spiel about avoiding screens (during which Lucy noticeably peeks at Kate, like she might rat her out), Kate has already resolved herself to zero interference. Obviously itâs not what she wants, but she listens to Dr. Chase and nods along at all the right times while in her head she is already drafting a very long message to Ernie with all the relevant information. Then she drives Lucy home to that bleak apartment that Lucy lives in mostly as a general âfuck youâ to her parents, which Kate swears is either haunted or infested by very spirited roaches.
The entire ride there, Lucy doesnât say anything about the carâs radio being set to her favorite station (and which Kate would always complain about), which is just as well. Kate isnât sure how she wouldâve explained it.
âThis not sleeping thing sucks, Iâm honestly dead tired with our without a concussion,â Lucy groans as she exits the vehicle, stretching her arms overhead.
Kate follows her outside, and when Lucy gives her a questioning look, she says, âErnieâs not here yet, is he? I can at least wait with you until he does.â
âIâm sure I can survive thirty minutes alone, Kate,â Lucy says. âI wonât pass out the instant you walk away or anything.â
âIâd really rather wait,â Kate says, and Lucy sighs.
âFine. God, I wouldâve changed my emergency contact ASAP if Iâd known you would be such a stickler for lame hospital rules.â Lucy wraps herself up in a large black hoodie which Kate recognizes as her own, still muddy from the fall but otherwise intact.
âWhy did you?â Kate finds herself asking, mouth three steps ahead of her head, and Lucy pauses outside her apartment door.
âYou mean why didnât I change it? Because I forgot, I wasnât exactly expecting to land in the hospital.â
âNo, whyâŚwhy did you make me your emergency contact in the first place?â Kate clarifies, her voice strangely quiet even to her own ears.
Lucy methodically unlocks her door, but her hands falter. âJust because,â she says at last. âYou know how it is. Anything was better than my parents. Sorry I didnâtâŚask you first.â
âWell, I mean,â Kate shrugs, âI didnât ask you either.â
At that, Lucy whirls around, mouth agape. âYou made me your emergency contact?â
Kate hesitates. âYes? After like six months. It was a practical decision, we spent pretty much all our time together and I assumedâŚâ
Somehow, sheâs said the wrong thing, because Lucyâs eyes darken. âRight.â She moves away, digging through her fridge in search of something to drink, and Kate awkwardly leans against the kitchen counter and tries to make sense of whatâs going on.
âDid you eat anything today?â Kate attempts to change the subject. âI can make you something before Ernie gets here.â
Lucy takes a gulp of a water bottle and doesnât respond, just eyes Kate from across the kitchen with a sharp, unyielding glare. Finally, the words seem to burst out: âI wish you werenât soâfuckingââ She shakes her head. âDo you even know how you sound, sometimes? No girl wants to hear that theyâre the practical choice. Just once, I wish youâve would picked me because you wanted me.â
Kate feels her entire body prickle, partly in shock and partly in indignation. âWhat are you talking about? I did pick you.â
âDid you?â Lucy tilts her head. ââCause it kind of feels like you picked the idea of me. At least, thatâs how Cara tells it.â
âSeriously? Cara? Sheââ Kate pauses to exhale, swallows back a frustrated sob. âSheâs wrong. Iâve never trusted anyone like I trust you. Fuck, Iâve never loved anyone like I love you.â This time, her voice quivers like the sob might escape, and some of the steel in Lucyâs gaze softens.
âThen why did you leave?â
âI thought that was what you wanted,â Kate says. âYou were pushing me away, Lucy. What was I supposed to think?â
âYou shouldâve fought harder for me,â Lucy says. âYou could have talked to me. Jesus, Kate, I donâtâI canât have this conversation right now. Iâm basically a prisoner in my house, this is the last thing I need.â
Kateâs shoulders fall. âI know,â she says. âIâm sorry.â
âDonât do that either,â Lucy snaps, and she chugs the remainder of her water before she stalks out of the room. âNo apologies. Okay?â
âOkay.â Kate waits to see if Lucy will come back to the kitchen, but she doesnât. Instead, she hears the tell-tale sound of Lucy banging around through her board game drawer, because the chess set Ernie gave her rattles and gives it away. Kate tentatively enters the living room, finds Lucy sorting through a Monopoly box, but doesnât try to say anything else.
Lucy breaks the silence all on her own, eventually. âI have nothing to cook,â she says. âBut I asked Ernie to bring food with him.â
âAlright.â Kate doesnât sit down because her clothes are still damp, but she does wait by the couch. âCan I help with anything?â
âNo.â Lucy is sitting cross-legged on the floor and carefully stacking Monopoly money into piles by color, her muddy hoodie occasionally smearing against the carpet. âIâm fine.â She obviously isnât; her jaw is clenched, her back stiff, her entire demeanor still a perfect mirror of her anger.
Kate wisely doesnât push. And when Ernie arrives carrying Thai food and a thick stack of books which Lucy is outwardly horrified at, Kate doesnât try to stay.
âIâm going to send you the doctorâs discharge instructions,â she tells Ernie instead, as Lucy gingerly pokes through one of the books Ernie has handed off. âMake sure Lucy eats something before she takes her meds.â
âOn it, Dr. Whistler,â Ernie says seriously, his voice going low so Lucy canât hear afterward. âAnd thanks, for being there. Even if you two arenâtâŚâ
Kate casts one final look at Lucy Tara, bundled up in her clothes and adorably pouting at the prospect of reading all night instead of playing board games, and feels her heart beat so hard it hurts. âTake care of her,â she says, but itâs not a request.
Ernie gives her a small, sad smile. âI will.âÂ
Lucy doesnât say goodbye, but she does spare Kate one brief, sorrowful once-over like she wants to. Kate memorizes that lookâlets it linger in the back of her mindâand doesnât cry until the first cheery pop song from Lucyâs favorite station starts playing on the drive home.
She hits the button to turn off the radio altogether, but her finger slips and she accidentally switches stations instead. Kate eases the car to a stop at a red light, watches as rain begins to drizzle once more, and then she makes the executive decision to switch it back.
Baby steps.
#something about these two & their exes era....they have me in a chokehold im ngl#kacy#kate x lucy#ncis hawaii#i listened to 'emergency contact' by PTV a million times writing this btw. song of all time#i need a fic tag
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A Gaylor Interpretation of "Champagne Problems" post TTPD
Overblown Analysis Under the Cut â
In my "I Look Through People's Windows" analysis, I mentioned that I wondered if the "As you boarded your train..." line had to do with "Champagne Problems" and its similar opening line, but figuring that out would mean doing a separate evaluation on it. Well, here you go! I promise I'll one day stop thinking about TTPD, okay? Scouts honor. đ¤đ
This one is mostly to quench my own intrigue, I'm aware it's a bit of a stretch.
"You booked the night train for a reason / So you could sit there in this hurt / Bustling crowds or silent sleepers / You're not sure which is worse"
While this might not be the lens Taylor and â¨William Bowery⨠wrote this song in, I wanted to try my hand at seeing this song through the eyes of being about Taylor's fandom(s). Based on my "ILTPW" analysis, gaylors are the ones boarding the train in her mind, sitting in their hurt from the fallout of the failed coming out. Taylor knows that the gaylors don't know what would be worse: if tons of other fans crowding them with "I told you so" type comments, "Bustling crowds", or people not even noticing/hearing the coming out attempts to sneer, "silent sleepers".
"Because I dropped your hand while dancing / Left youâoutâthereâstanding / Crestfallen on theâlanding / Champagne problems / Your mom'sâring in your pocket / My picture in your wallet / Your heart was glass, I dropped it / Champagne problems"
Taylor feels like she abandoned her community by not coming out. She dropped their hand and left them disappointed. Champagne can symbolize celebration and eliteness, often associated with rich individuals, but has also been used to highlight the fakeness of its drinkers. Alexander Pushkin's novel, Eugene Onegin, quotes, "I am no longer up to champagne... (it is) sparkling, flighty, vivacious, wayward - and not to be trusted." Therefore the "Champagne problems" might be the issue of Taylor being a big star getting in the way of her being able to be out and human. Or just fakeness in general.
Rings have taken their spot in sapphic history, specifically signet pinky rings and thumb rings. Taylor has a very close relationship with her fans, them often joking, or even genuinely feeling as if Taylor's like a best friend, sister, or mother to them. "Your mom's ring in your pocket" could be Taylor illustrating gaylors as keeping Taylor's pinky or thumb ring, or her queerness, close in their pocket, as she isn't out and discussion of her possible queerness mostly stays in gaylor circles.
"My picture in your wallet" in this reading could be the money that fans spend on Taylor, whether it's albums, tours, merch, etc. If gaylors believe in Taylor, they might spend money on her, so she's in their wallet.
"You told your family for a reason / You couldn't keep it in / Your sister splashed out on the bottle / Now no one's celebrating / Dom PĂŠrignon, you brought it / No crowd of friends applauded / Your hometown skeptics called it / Champagne problems / You had a speech, you're speechless / Love slipped beyond your reaches / And I couldn't give a reason / Champagne problems"
The "sister splash(ing) out on the bottle" through this lens to me could be fans adjacent to gaylors that aren't quite gaylors, like queer fans. Queer fans who quietly watched and noted Tay's flagging and waited to see if something would happen, only for nothing to transpire, so they moved forward with being fans. This would've included me at the time. "Splash out on the bottle" can mean to pay a lot of money for the bottle or to pop it open. I'm going to go with opening it in this situation. Through the lyrics, it seems like the "you" in this song brought the bottle of Dom PĂŠrignon, and the "sister" opened it. Gaylors spread the word that Taylor could be coming out and casual queer fans opened the bottle to prepare to celebrate.
While gaylor discussion mostly stays in the community, gaylors have definitely attempted to discuss it in other swiftie, or "family", spaces. From our perspective, it's exciting to think about the queerness sprinkled in her songs, and while I admit that I wasn't fully here for it, I imagine the Lover era was particularly exciting. It looked like she was going to come out, flagging all too obvious for the fans to brush it off. You can't keep the excitement in. But a speech never happened and Taylor continued to beard, so in the public's eyes she's strictly straight somehow. She tried and arguably came out through visual means, but never got to say anything if she planned to (which I think she did because of "a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you" from "The Archer"), and socially, if you don't come out through words you aren't really out at all, flagging be damned. Either way, no one celebrated because no one heard. The gaylors might've geared up to celebrate, but no one could celebrate if Taylor remained unseen. Anti-gaylors, or "hometown skeptics" called the gaylor theories fake, or "Champagne problems", since no overt coming out happened. Any happy speech gaylors could say to Taylor congratulating her couldn't happen. The excitement for the love from fellow queers and allies coming Taylor's way through speeches of admiration after coming out slipped away beyond gaylor's reaches. And of course, Taylor couldn't tell gaylors directly why, as that would out her in an unwanted way.
"Your Midas touch on the Chevy door / November flush and your flannel cure"
The Midas line could be taken in so many ways. To focus on the Chevy for a moment, car imagery in Taylor's music often seems to be a mode of hiding, escaping/running away to hide, and by extension misbehaving or sinning. Take "Just a boy in a Chevy truck / That had a tendency of gettin' stuck / On backroads at night" illustrating Taylor and her lover driving out and pretending to get "stuck" on backroads so they can enjoy each other alone without naysayers. So if gaylors are the "you/your" of the song, them having a "Midas touch", aka a golden touch, could mean that gaylors acknowledged, or touched, Taylor's closet, and therefore made it golden, like daylight. A Midas touch turns things gold, so her closet/Chevy door wasn't golden like daylight before the "your" made it so. Their acknowledgment of her queerness made her feel seen, or at least less in the "20-year dark night" from "Daylight".
"November flush" to me is a reference to the "Grey November" from "Evermore". A person can flush from strong emotions, as well a sickness. "You're Losing Me" has many illusions of Taylor getting sick and dying from being unseen, her face becoming grey/colorless as she dies. But when you flush, color returns to your face. If Taylor was "down since July", or beginning to die from being unheard, she could be saying that she could be saved by a cure. The cure she seems to get is a "flannel cure". I've heard really interesting interpretations about this part of the line referencing a Victorian superstition about flannel having healing properties. This possibly means that several cures for her pain were tried, but nothing could be as helpful as being seen, the "flannel cure" being fake. However I can't find a source for this Victorian flannel fact that isn't someone talking about this song, so I'd take that with a grain of salt. (But I could've just overlooked it, so if someone has a source I'd love to see it.) Alternatively, flannels, in the modern age at least, are often associated with masculinity and men, but also sapphic flagging. Maybe the "flannel cure" was gaylors acknowledging her sapphicness. Or, if you take the cure as being false, it could be the bearding/closeting/men, fake because it didn't cure her queerness, or make her straight. It just made it more overt to those who can see it, as gaylors can often see through stunts with beards. I think it could be interesting to look at this phrase differently too. Was the flannel the cure or was the flannel cured? Is it that closeting was a fake cure or that gaylors had the cure for the pain of closeting by seeing her?
"'This dorm was once a madhouse' / I made a joke, 'Well, it's made for me'"
In TTPD, Taylor makes many references to the music industry being like an asylum or madhouse. In this line, Taylor jokes that the dorm, or industry, was once an asylum, made for someone like her. Maybe it's made for her 'cause a lot of people in the industry will have covert or public mental breakdowns that they don't get proper support for. Or it could be because she felt like music was a profession she was always meant to do since she was a tween. Or because she's queer, and while they're are many queer people in the industry, many have also been closeted by the industry since it began and still are. Maybe the joke says "once", as in past tense, because Taylor believed that once she was out the industry would stop being a madhouse for her, but she never got her proper cure, so going into TTPD, it's still an asylum.
"How evergreen, our group of friends / Don't think we'll say that word again"
There's probably debate on which word will never be said again. For this analysis, I'm going to go with "evergreen". Taylor seemed to have viewed her fans as friends just as they did her. Look at songs like "Long Live". She asked the fans to stand by her forever, like how evergreen trees keep their leaves in all weather, or forever. But after the failed coming out and so many fans denying her visibility, she can't say she and the gaylors's friendship with those types of fans is "evergreen" any longer. "Something counterfeit's dead" (from "loml").
"And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls / That we once walked through / One for the money, two for the show / I never was ready so I watch you go"
Some of Taylor's fans will come up with rather invasive theories about what her lyrics are about. Theories about her cheating, having secret children [Edit: I feel a need to say that by "secret children", I meant secret pregnancies, just to be clearer], having secret abortions, committing vehicular manslaughter, probably etc. In the Lover house her first 10 eras become literal halls (except for Midnights, which is depicted in the sky, and I personally like to say TTPD is the white porch with the lights). The phrase "Deck the halls" means to decorate the halls. She laments that ex "evergreen" "friends" will have the nerve to decorate the eras that she and the people who saw her once walked through with creepy theories.
The phrase "One for the money, two for the show," is cut short/replaced without the numbers three and four. The full phrase has multiple renditions, but it's generally a form of counting before an action is done, often ending with something like "Three to get ready, and four to go." If Taylor doesn't get to finish the countdown, it seems to mean that she didn't get to do her action: come out. She was never fully ready to do the action because obstacles like the master heist kept her from being able to do it the way she wanted. So she fears/watches gaylors board their trains away from her.
"Sometimes you just don't know the answer / 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you"
To me, as of currently, "How Did It End?" from TTPD is also in part about the failed coming out. In that song, Taylor admits that she still doesn't know exactly how the coming out didn't happen. Sure, she knows in a clinical sense, but sometimes you don't know emotionally. I find it noticeable that the someone in this line is on their knees, not knee. Traditionally, when one proposes, they get on only one knee. When a person is on both knees, that usually indicates deep desperation. Maybe the someone's are fans, likely of all kinds, desperately questioning why all the signs led to nowhere instead of a speech declaring her place in the queer community. How did it end?
"'She would've made such a lovely bride / What a shame she's fucked in the head,' they said"
Queer people throughout history and currently in some places are often seen by homophobes as having something wrong with them, whether it's just for taunting purposes or some genuinely believing queerness is a mental disorder. Homophobes often believe queer people are "fucked in the head".
When "they" say that "she", in this interpretation, Taylor, would've made such a lovely bride, they likely don't mean just a bride who gets married to anyone, but specifically a bride who marries a man. Certain types of homophobes won't call brides marrying non-men "lovely", sometimes not seeing them as legitimate brides at all. Heteronormative TS fans will often picture Taylor as being a "lovely bride" in the future, aka a straight bride because to them Taylor fits that hetero-girl image. If she were straight her hetero wedding would be seen as picture-perfect and idyllic. Too bad she might not be able to be that bride for them because she could be queer. While, again, I wasn't fully there during Lover, it's not hard to imagine homophobes saying things like this at the mere prospect of her being queer.
"But you'll find the real thing instead / She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred / And hold your hand while dancing / Never leave you standing / Crestfallen on the landing / With champagne problems / Your mom's ring in your pocket / Her picture in your wallet / You won't remember all my / Champagne problems / You won't remember all my / Champagne problems"
Taylor reminds queer fans that they can find "the real thing", or proudly out queer people, instead of her, someone who can't seem to leave the closet. That person won't fail them. Taylor's, or "your mom's", signet/thumb ring might stay in gaylors' pockets, as in they could still keep her potential queerness in the knowledge, but a new, out person should be the ones to have their money and time in Tay's eyes. One common critique towards gaylors is that we need to enjoy "actual" queer figures, these critique-ers not seeming to realize that many of us already do love many out queer figures, but that not meaning we can't acknowledge a potentially closeted one. Even still, Taylor seems to fear that her queer fans deserve better. "You should find another guiding light" (from "Dear Reader").
But as someone in the fandom, it's safe to say that gaylors won't be going away, even if most who were there from the beginning are gone now, new ones discover what this community truly is every day.
Thank you for reading!
#gaylor#gaylor swift#friends of dorothea#friend of dorothea#lgbetty#lgbettys#gaylor theory#song analysis
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Dalinar, Amazing Dad to Everyone But His Kids
Ok, so I love the man as much as the rest of the fandom, but I think we need to discuss how much Dalinar dropped the ball as a father to his own kids (and still kind of does!) @andromeda-lv nailed it on the absenteeism and the alcoholism.
-He left his wife alone for her pregnancy with his second kid, and then just griped about the name.
-He made no meaningful attempt to bond with his youngest, especially after he developed medical problems around age 1.
-Then he took his 6 year old war camping for half his childhood, separating him from his sick brother and exposing him to danger AND violence.
-Then that kid got to watch his parents have incredibly dysfunctional interactions and probably overheard a bunch of arguments.
-He also got to watch his mother spiral into depression because she was a pacifist foreigner in a war camp and she was uma le to be an effective scribe because she was not a native speaker/ was probably left handed in a society that pretty much removed all use of left hands for women.
-He left his sick kid back at home in an intensely unforgiving society that would have no tolerance for a "defective" child in the line of succession (Given how the Alethi are, Renarin was probably the victim of assassination attempts as a baby to "cleanse the bloodline")
-Then he moved on to being fully absentee as the boys got older, leaving Adolin to protect a kid who absolutely got bullied while he walked around being obviously half foreign in a society that is aggressively nativist. Could have used dad, but war gotta war.
-AND kept their mom away from them a lot of the time, but it's not like kids need parents, they were only (checks notes) elementary school aged.
-Then he got their mom, the only loving and functional parent they had, killed in a genocidal rage.
-And fell hard into alcoholism while they were grieving, leaving a 9 year old Renarin scared and isolated while Adolin tried to care for him at 13.
-And fell hard into self pity until his brother was murdered and he decided to repress all of that.
-Oh and hid all of that nonsense until he published a book about it and never bothered to warn them before the prerelease got leaked.
-And he's still patronizing to Renarin.
-And incredibly judgemental and demanding of Adolin.
-And the whole family needs therapy. Bad.
-This doesn't even include the stuff about their uncle being abusive to his wife at minimum, their cousin being treated like a madwoman and then excommunicated, and both of them going to war while they were teenagers.
So yeah. Dadlinar is great. But remember he absolutely failed his two rather stellar kids and gets treated like the god of Fatherhood.
Let's see more fics exploring their backstories. Adolin started sword training with a master at 6 when the norm is 10, you think protecting his brother might have been part of that? Having the royal family bully their mother openly, did that impact them? Being left alone together so much, and separated so often? Being used to one kid nearly dying from illness, and the other one just seeing that as a child? Their parents mostly arguing via spanreen?
Just... seriously, get those boys some therapy.
#dalinar kholin#adolin kholin#renarin kholin#dadlinar#stormlight archive#stormlight fanfic#mental health#childhood trauma#Alethi nonsense
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thinking about Soulâs threat. i think we should play around with itâs potential more
bc for all intents and purposes, it technically worked? as far as Soul cares anyway (whether Heart and Mind would make up on their own is up for a separate debate) his threat to kill themself worked like star wanted it to.
and if they never discussed it post-concord, then Soul just gained a new tactic over the other two to keep them in line. (provided he hadnât tried previously, loop theory or not, but letâs assume not)
what he learned is that âhey! them stupid ass ids not getting along? well two birds one stone right?â
like obviously she canât keep getting away with it, someone (Mind mostly likely) is going to say something. but also have you seen these guysâ communication skills? itâs gonna take a while before some actual shit starts happening.
uuuh, i ran out of things to say
#chonny jash#speaking in spirals#cccc soul#tw sui ideation#tw sui attempt#sorry if this is bad itâs like 11 pm#all of my friends au
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Hera, a Goddess Who Deserved Better:
First of all, hello to everyone still here! GOD itâs been a long time, but you now how it goes life and all that. Anyways on with the discussion and of courseâŚ
đ¨SPOILERS FOR EP. 273đ¨
We see Hera floating in an unconscious state having flashbacks to her time with Zeus and all the while her mother is repeatedly calling her name.
The parallels here are heartbreaking but also cathartic in a way. Hera has had a tough go of it despite being Queen of the gods. Raised to fight a war, torn apart to win said war, and being Queen of The Gods in exchange for being married to perhaps the most prolific philanderer the world has ever known.
In chapter 119 we see her being dissatisfied and frustrated with what her life has come to, feeling that she had so much potential and purpose in her younger years, only to be stifled (literally and figuratively) following the war and her marriage to Zeus.
Itâs been speculated amongst the community that Hera had been the next fertility goddess before Persephone and to see that vindicated in this way in her declaration to Kronos was more than gratifying to see. I especially loved the parallels between the opening scenes of Episode 119 and this one:


It was stunning and meaningful
Also thereâs more of a sense of finality to Heraâs separation to Zeus following the revelation. He paints it as protecting Hera but as always his true motivations are put into doubt.

Given his insistence on wanting to know if she loved him, itâs likely he knew from his experiences with her mother, that some kind of love based connection was necessary. And like the men in his line decided to use that connection for his own means. War or no war him withholding the truth from her and siphoning her power is enough to brand him in my opinion. And unknowingly Hera was in turn made to feel as if she needed to limit herself and power as to placate him and make him feel âsafeâ (again Episode 119):

I could definitely be wrong, but with all this information I canât really see a formal reconciliation between the two. And after that cute kiss with Echo as well as that somber goodbye to a comatose Zeus⌠I canât see her being around him anymore in any capacity.
Whatâs even more heartbreaking is the words of the old harpy to Demeter back in Episode 264. When she declares Persephone the Fertility Goddess of her generation, she also states that the one in Demeterâs generation was sapped of her power before she even had a chance to fully come into them.


Zeus literally stole her youth and power from her for his own gain⌠god I need a minute. And his b.s about âkeeping everyone safeâ despite his promise to MĂŠtis who wanted Hera to finally be free⌠is it bad I want Hera to beat him down? That may be too much to ask for.
She literally had no time or chance to discover herself and potential before she was basically stuck with Zeus and her role as Queen and goddess of marriage. While she is adept at her role and enjoys some aspect of being royalty, I canât help but wonder what her life would be if she had her own choice? If the war had ended and she was more detached from Zeus, what would her world and future look like through her own eyes and merit?
No wonder she was so protective of Persephone, they are one and the same. Iâve always expressed that they are two sides of the same coin with Hera trying to prevent Persephone from falling into her same path that was marred with unhappiness and limited choices.
So the remaining questions seems to be what will be next for her? Past the confrontation with Kronos Iâm wondering what sheâll do now know her full potential and being practically reborn? Will she return to her Queen of the gods role or will she just do her own thing for a while? But before we get there of course, her battle with Kronos is going to take center stage for the time being. While Persephoneâs power/fight involved mostly nature given her ânatureâ I wonder if Heraâs will be the same? Or with the star/space imagery will it be more space based somehow?? Iâm not sure but I guess weâll see in the next episode!
Until next time yâall! â¨
#lore olympus#lo persephone#my post#lore olympus webcomic#lore olympus zeus#lore olympus hera#lore Olympus spoilers
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Hasta & The Final Girl Trope In Horror Films: A (Mini) Analysis
Here on this post, I wanted to make a short analysis on how I think Hasta connects to the The Final Girl Trope.
â Please note that the Final Girl Trope actually has evolved. The trope characters are not what it used to be, I will be going back to the original origins of this trope.
â In addition to the Hasta Nakshatra, I found that many of the women playing have Mula, Revati and Mrigashira as well. My research today only focuses on Hasta but please note it is not limited to this Nakshatra only.
â Many of these references that are used are personal opinions and theories. If you do not agree or have a different opinion I would love to hear it! But please be respectful in doing so.
The Final Girl Trope
The Trope Itself
Before diving deeper into the hasta Nakshatra, letâs look at the âFinal Girlâ trope description.
The final girl in movies is usually the last person standing or is the only woman that can make exit in the movie. They are usually described as being the virgin or sexually unavailable, refraining from sexual activities, as well as alcohol and drugs. Additionally, many of the Final girls portrayed had Brunette her instead of Blonde (blonde characters - specifically women, were perceived as highly promiscuous). If not all the time, most of the final girls are known to be more intelligent or at least carry smarter decision-making. They are the first ones to sense that something is âoff.â As mentioned before, Hastaâs sign of Virgo, is ruled by Mercury (Mercury exalts in Virgo). Mercury rules human intellect, as it is a combination of the sun (the soul) and the moon (mind).Â
If we look at even the basics, the sign of Virgo is âThe Virgin.â Virgin women are often stereotypically described along the lines of being pure, innocent, chaste, and so forth.
Additionally, the women have an androgynous appearance - with their names and clothing sometimes being unisex. Claire Nakti in her Hasta Nakshatra video discussed how they manifest their traits through purity and by detaching from male influence. Claire also talks about how âHasta women like to prove their worth without needing men, as well as female power separated from female appearance/sexualityâ (this can be depicted in numerous ways such as their work, appearance and so forth). Hasta picks up all external influences, analyzes them, and discriminates based on their observations. Hasta picks out men and realizes only the divinity is deserving of her.
Itâs hard to exactly state if The Final Girl trope exudes the real meaning of feminism, or at least women standing up for themselves against evil. However, I wonder if Hastaâs appearance in these films unconsciously aims to reject the typical views that some males hold of women (i.e. unintelligence), and how his perception of the Final Girl often ends up with the evil male lead having to disappear to avoid being killed or eventually is killed. Claire Nakti also mentioned how many Hasta women are involved in using books or poems to criticize male behaviour, male sexuality the struggles of women opening up, and the promotion of female independence regarding intellect. The Final Girl in the film must use her wit to decipher the situation and defeat the Killer through the use of her hands.
If we decipher Carol J Cloverâs book on the Final Girl trope, she does mention how the victims in Slasher films are mostly viewed as women, whereas the evil characters are males. Often these Final Girls are initially stereotyped for the male gaze at the beginning of the film, but eventually, the viewer roots for the final girl to defeat the monster. The woman becomes âmasculinizedâ when she is forced to defeat the monster by utilizing a weapon.
Carol further emphasizes this action while discussing how the killing of the monster/killer can be related to âcastratingâ the male, which in return eliminates the âthreatâ to the uterine. The body part that represents Hastaâs is the palm of their hand. The Hasta Nakshatra is known for manifesting outcomes with their hands. In Komillaâs Sutton book, she describes how Hasta can be related to elephants, as they use their trunk as an extra hand to complete their task. I thought this was interesting considering the quote âto hold something/someone in the palm of your hand,â pretty much means you the influence or control of something/someone. The symbolism of the hand of course can be also correlated to their Deity, Savitar - The Sun God. Savitar was known to be skillful with his hands.
In all, I do think Hasta has some correlation with the Final Girl Trope, whether it would be in films or tv shows. I do think there are many of factors (my own personal ones) and others that are discussed in Clover's book. It wasnt that long, but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! Feedback would be greatly appreciated xx.
#astrology#vedic astrology#vedic astro observations#vedic astro notes#astro observations#hasta#nakshatra#mercury
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