#she was having knee problems (old knee surgery)

[adraughtofamortentia]

I told myself I wasn't going to vent to the barista, but it was my fav so I unloaded

[mavrintarou]

[3:33 PM] Suna Rintarou [1]

OKAY. I started something. I don't know where it's going but it's going to go somewhere.

Warning: TW - death & kidney failure disease, angst, daddy Rin (literally)

.

Rin sits with his face buried in his hands, elbows resting on his trembling knees as he tries to process the news he just received just ten minutes ago. It was the best news he’d heard in what felt like an eternity.

A matching kidney donor has been found for his little girl, Ren.

Eight months ago, his five-year-old daughter was diagnosed with kidney failure and began treatment right away. Rin and his wife did their best to stay strong and hopeful for her, but things only seemed to get worse.

Six months ago, he lost his wife and mother-in-law in a car accident. In such a short time, life had completely turned upside down for both Rin and his daughter. With trembling hands, Rin dialed his mother’s number, and she answered on the first ring.

“Rintarou?”

“Mom,” his voice cracked, and immediately, he was bombarded with questions. “No, no—everything is still the same… but I just got good news from the hospital…” he took a deep breath. They found a donor match for Ren. We’ll be going to the hospital tomorrow to get more information.”

“Oh, that is wonderful news. Thank the Gods,” she cried.

.

“The donor match currently lives in the US.”

Rin’s heart collapsed, “so… what does that mean?”

“When we submit test results to find a match, we don’t limit the search to within the country – it’s worldwide. We always consider the possibility that a match could come from anywhere,” Ren’s doctor explained, reminding them when they had agreed to allow any match. He gave a half-chuckle as if the situation amused him. “This is a unique case. The donor, a female adult, just so happens to be a vascular surgeon who specializes in kidney transplant patients. And now, she is getting first-hand experience.”

“Really?” Rin gasped.

The doctor nodded, “yes, I spoke to her directly this morning and she will fly out here with the time comes, so you do not need to worry about taking Ren abroad.”

A shaky breath is expelled from his chest and he looks down at his daughter who seems to be unaware of the conversation, just watching her iPad. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“If…” Ren’s doctor hesitated before continuing, “if you don’t mind me asking, Mr. Suna, I cannot reveal certain details I can’t disclose, but when I saw the donor’s match results, I was honestly stunned.”

Rin’s head tilted as he frowned, “why do you say that?”

The doctor frowned slightly and scratched the back of his head. “I recall when we were conducting tests, your family members all agreed to come in and see if they were a match for Ren. Was that… all of the family members?”

All immediate family members were tested as soon as Rin and his wife found out they weren’t a match for their daughter. Rin’s brow furrowed. “Yes, my wife was an only child raised by her mother. Her parents divorced, and she hasn’t seen her father since she was one year old. I only have one sister and my parents. Why? Is there a problem?”

“No problem at all, the donor has matched the blood, tissue, and antibody types and is currently undergoing a health test, and as soon as they pass, we can move forward with the next steps.”

.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby?” Rin murmured as he carried her into their home. With her treatment, she is often tired and vulnerable. She would sleep at odd times throughout the day.

“Am I going to get better?”

“Yes, baby. You are,” he promised, “you’re going to get better very soon.”

.

Three weeks later felt long, but according to the doctor, it was an incredibly fast process.

The donor was on their way and will arrive in a few hours. They will have to conduct one final test before proceeding to the surgery.

Rin has offered to pay for their stay while they’re in the country but they have politely declined.

 He was thankful for this person but understood why they would like to remain anonymous.

“Some donor wants to remain anonymous to protect their confidentiality and protect the recipient.”

For some reason, Rin felt an overwhelming, eager desire to meet this donor. His heart yearned to encounter this person.

.

“Go, go enjoy a night out with the twins.”

Ren hugged her teddy bear tightly, “you’ll be back later to tuck me in?”

Rin nodded, crouching down to her eye level. “Just tonight, grandma will tuck you in, is that okay?”

She nodded, “okay, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, baby, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll be home later but just late after your bedtime.” He kisses her forehead, “I’m just going out with uncle Osamu and Atsumu for their birthday.”

“Okay,” she answered with a  small smile, “tell them I miss them.”

Rin smiles, “I will, good night.”

.

“Thank the Gods my baby girl found a donor!” Atsumu slapped a hand over his heart. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all week.”

Osamu raised his glass of beer, “cheers boys, cheers to baby girl matching a donor.”

They all raised their glasses in sync. “Thank you, it’s wonderful news and everything is going well.”

“Are you going to meet the donor?” Atsumu asked.

Rin shook his head, “no, they want to remain anonymous.”

“So, that means you guys will never know this person who is giving their kidney to Ren?”

Rin nodded his head, “correct. It’s unfortunate, I really wish I could meet them to thank them but the best I can do is give them a card, maybe?”

“That’s a bummer,” Osamu muttered, “I understand where they’re coming from but it’s not like… you guys know each other, you know? What’s so bad about meeting each other.”

“I’m not sure either, but I’ll respect their wishes, it’s the least I can do after all they are doing for my baby girl,” Rin says, twisting his wedding band around his finger.

.

After parting ways with the twins, Rin decided to take a walk. He stuffed his hands into his jacket, the nights have become colder and colder. His wife’s favorite scarf hung loosely around his neck. It was one of the few items of hers that still had her scent and on days that he missed her more than usual, he would wear it, feeling a little closer to her.

It has been a while since he has gone out with the boys, let alone have some good beer and relax. It was much needed and he felt the buzz kick in.

It was a weekend and downtown was busy with a live crowd.

Normally he would avoid the crowd but something was pulling him towards that direction.

With a soft sigh, his feet began moving. He didn’t know where he was going, but he was going somewhere.

He needed to sober up before calling for a taxi, not wanting to return home intoxicated.

As he headed towards the busy part of town, it was like he was going through memory lane.

He is suddenly reminded of when he met his late wife Sumi seven years ago. They were set up through Osamu and his wife, Hayumi, and immediately hit it off. They married a year and a half later and welcomed their daughter shortly after.

Everything was going well, they were a happy family.

His heart nearly broke when his daughter was diagnosed with a disease that could take her away from him. His career was put on pause and he put his focus on his daughter alongside his wife.

His whole world completely shattered when he received the news his wife and mother-in-law were involved in a fatal car accident trying to make it to their daughter’s treatment.

He felt like a shell, barely living. The only thing keeping him going every day was his daughter.

A rush of school girls ran towards him, excitedly screaming as they recognized him.

“Oh my gosh! You’re Suna Rintarou!”

“Can I have your autograph!”

“Can we have a picture with you!”

Suddenly sobering up, Rin accepted the marker from one of the girls, signing his name and forcing a smile for the cameras.

“Goodness,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of life knowing he was still admired and recognized in the volleyball world.

“Excuse me, did you drop this?” A hand holding Sumi’s scarf.

“Oh,” Rin said, instinctively reaching for the scarf that was no longer around his neck. As he extended his hand to grasp it, he glanced at the person offering him. “Thank… you.”

At that moment, his world froze. It had been happening a lot lately, but this time, he truly felt everything stop. Time itself seemed to stand still as he stared into the eyes of the person before him.

How?

“Sumi?”

Her brow rose, “excuse me?” She blinked and then looked at the scarf and then up at him confused.

Rin grasped her shoulders, his eyes wide. “Sumi. Sumi?”

His grip around her tightened. His eyes scan her face. The eyes, the nose, the lips… everything looked exactly like his wife.

His breath heaved heavily, cold air burning his lungs.

He searched her eyes, finding anything that would prove it was his wife.

“You…” she breathed, her breath clouded the cold night.

He was unable to read her expression. Her eyes narrowed, in the way Sumi’s would when he and Ren was playing a trick on her.

His heart ache.

His hands drop and he turns away. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he rubbed his face with his hands.

He was drunk.

He was hallucinating.

He turned around and the person was still standing there, looking at him with concern and hesitation. “Are you… okay?”

She looked so much like Sumi.

Exactly like her.

“You…” he blinked, tears blurring his vision. “You look - look so much like… my late wife.”

“I think you have the wrong person, I’m sorry.” She shoved the scarf into his arm and hurried away.

.

“Is something wrong?” Rin asked his daughter’s doctor who seemed to be distracted, unlike himself.

“No, Mr. Suna.”

Rin wasn’t convinced.

He had been unconvinced by anything since two nights ago when he ran into a woman who looked identical to his late wife.

Nothing made sense.

He swears by his life that he was not dreaming or hallucinating.

She looked exactly like his wife.

“It was strange,” Rin mumbled, his eyes fixed on the chipped wood of the desk. “The other night… I ran into a woman…” he trailed off, unsure of where he was going with this conversation with his daughter’s doctor. “She looked…”

“Just like your late wife.”

Rin’s eyes met the doctor’s eyes. “You’ve met her too?”

His breath caught before he softly replied, “that is your daughter’s donor.” A heavy silence settled between them. “I had a video call with her and couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought maybe… I was – seeing things? That was a similarity but then again, we were on a virtual call.” He removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I met her… in person, this morning… and she shocked the living shit out of me.”

. . .

E/n: to try and combat this writing slump, I'll be posting random writings to get back so bear with me on this bandwagon.

@queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

[vigilante-3073]

Loss & Grief

James Wilson x Female Reader

Summary: The head of the Department of Pediatrics loses a young patient and Wilson helps her cope.

TW: Pre-established relationship, hurt/comfort, grief, patient death, mentions of heart problems.

Doctor L/N sat silently on the couch in her office as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her lab coat had been abandoned on the cushion beside her and she was still wearing her pink surgical scrubs. L/N stared across her office blankly, feeling both devastated and guilty as she ran over the events in her head.

Doctor L/N had lost a patient during open heart surgery. Her name was Olivia and she had been diagnosed with a Complete Atrioventricular Canal heart defect at two weeks old. A large hole was present in the center of Olivia's heart that affected the area where all four chambers would normally be divided. A surgery was attempted when she was four weeks old, but the defect was too complex to repair in infancy. A temporary operation had been preformed to relieve her symptoms until they could re-attempt when she was older. Olivia had just turned two when Doctor L/N and the cardiac surgeon decided it was time to fix the defect. Doctor L/N had scrubbed in on the surgery and everything seemed to be going fine before the girl flatlined on the table.

The team worked to revive her for over an hour before time of death was called.

Doctor L/N notified the parents, watching them fall apart as their grief washed over them. She provided as much comfort as one possibly could to parents who had just lost their only child, sitting with them for as long as they needed her to. The mother had hugged her, thanking her for everything she had done for their daughter.

Doctor L/N had experienced the loss of a patient before, but it never got any easier. L/N barely managed to keep her own emotions in check as she made her way through the hallways towards her office. The sun had set and L/N hadn't even bothered to turn on the light before slumping down on the couch.

She broke down, completely dissolving into gut-wrenching sobs that left her breathless. Doctor L/N cried until her throat ached and her lungs burned, muscles trembling as she sniffled softly. A gentle knock sounded on the door, but L/N couldn't bring herself to speak without crying again.

The door opened, "Y/N, are you in here?" Wilson asked softly, peering into the dark room. He turned the light on, dark brown eyes quickly finding her on the couch. Wilson stepped into her office, closing the door and making his way over to her.

L/N felt her eyes gloss over with tears again as he sat down beside her, "I'm sorry... I know how hard it is to lose a patient," He said softly.

Her lip trembled, "She was so young," L/N mumbled as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

"You did everything that you could for her," Wilson said, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into his chest gently. Her body shook as she sobbed, arms sliding around his waist as she curled into him.

Wilson pressed a kiss to the top of her head as his hand rubbed over her back reassuringly, "You're gonna be okay," He murmured.

Doctor L/N had the biggest heart of anyone Wilson had ever met. She treated her patients like family and took it incredibly hard when she lost someone. L/N would blame herself for months, overthinking every decision she'd made and wondering what she could have done to change the outcome.

Wilson slid his arm underneath her knees, pulling her body into his lap and holding her close. Her breath stuttered in her chest as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck.

"Shh, you're okay, I'm here," He said softly.

...

Wilson held L/N on the couch in her office until the sun had started to rise, the sky only just beginning to show the faintest bit of light. She was quiet, sniffling softly every few minutes. The soft sounds of Wilson's heartbeat and his even breathing calmed her down greatly.

Everything about James calmed her down.

"H-how did you know?" She mumbled.

"Know what?" Wilson asked with a confused frown.

"I-That I lost her," L/N said.

Wilson sighed, his hand rubbing over her back gently, "I knew about the operation and I was looking for you after. One of the nurses told me that she saw you, but you seemed upset... I put two and two together," He said.

"I should be better at handling it by now," She mumbled, fingers toying with the material of his tie.

"No, you're grieving a loss... You invest in your patients and care about their recovery. It makes you a good doctor, but it can also make loss difficult to cope with," He said.

She let out a defeated huff, snuggling closer to him. The smell of his cologne was comforting, it lingered on every piece of clothing he wore and had quickly become L/N's favorite scent.

"Do you want me to take you home? You can get some rest and I'll make you breakfast," Wilson offered.

"I've kept you up all night long," She said.

"What's a few more hours?" Wilson smiled, pressing his lips to her forehead gently.

Her eyes fluttered shut at the contact, letting out a soft exhale, "What would you make me for breakfast?" She asked, opening her eyes.

"Pancakes and bacon," He offered.

"With chocolate chips?" She asked, he smiled.

"If you'd like," Wilson said, his hand resting on her thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Doctor L/N lifted her head from his shoulder, Wilson raised his hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks gently with the pad of his thumb.

"I love you," L/N said softly.

Wilson smiled, hand cradling her cheek as he brought his lips to her's in a gentle kiss, he pulled away and leaned his forehead against her's.

"I love you too," Wilson replied.

[spicedfink]

Break down of Lumpy Space Princess (or something? Idk)

LSP is one of the few characters we know the age of being listed as 15 when Finn was 12/13 so we know by the finale she's 19 or 20 years old

The basic time line is that she lived in lumpy space and only visited Ooo every now and then before getting into an arguments with her parents and running away to prove she can make it on her own

LSP then spends a good chunk of her teenaged years living out in the woods

LSP has complained about her parents through out the series and even gone as far as to compare them to monsters in her Fionna and Cake fanfic - the show frames these complaints as unreasonable. The problem with this is that children rarely act out for no reason and she continues to resent them even when she's had time and distance away from them

Her parents think she acts out on purpose - this sort of mentality made LSP feel like they saw her as a villain and was extremely frustrating since she didn't actually understand what she was doing wrong

Her parents are at the very least don't know how to meet her needs at worse are intentionally abusive towards her (there isn't really enough shown of them to determine a solid placement)

LSP has a hard time understanding how her actions effect others and is easily upset when people express displeasure with her - either from the delay between her actions and their reactions or she has a knee jerk stress from past experiences (probably from authority figures)

LSP is deeply insecure. Her insecurities can be seen in cases like risking life and limb for a plump lip potion, punching herself smooth for "the nice king" and when she asked Finn and Jake to preform plastic surgery on her to make her hot

Her confidents isn't faked however, her desire to change isn't based on how she actually feels about her body but instead based on wanting to be liked by others - a theme in LSP's story is wanting to be liked by others (especially romantically) Even though they don't really change how they draw the characters much it could also be implied that LSP's insecurities came from the changes her body had during puberty

But also Brad messed her up. They had an on again off again relationship where Brad would date her friends to make her jealous and ignore her boundaries and yet LSP spends years focusing on their relationship. He's a creep who tore LSP down and made her think she was somehow underserving of anything better

When LSP got with Johnnie it showed her as really supportive and loving, the second she was flirting with someone who actually liked her back it went smoothly things only went wrong when Johnnie said she couldn't go to the dinner because it's a private business dinner with PB. She immediately thinks PB is trying to steal him from her, this is a clear reflection of her trauma from having Brad betray her trust and playing with her feelings so much

Side note on "Bad Timing" PB threaten to go to war with lumpy space because LSP was being rude despite knowing full well LSP has very little if anything to do with lumpy space's politics at this point (girl is homeless and PB is treating her as if she's a spoiled brat with a sliver spoon in her mouth)

I'm going to have to mention "Breezy", I know we want to collectively ignore it but I want to make a point about what this suggest about LSP's character. Her actions are a reflection of her own boundaries having been crossed repeatedly through out her life and she was told by the people crossing them that they weren't doing anything wrong which leads to her thinking that's what normal people do. It doesn't make it right but it's insight towards her world view where she rather see it as normal behavior then accept that people she cared for didn't care about hurting her

On how LSP communicates with others, she knows that other people don't say what they mean and that she is suppose to read between the lines but she doesn't know how so that leads to misunderstandings as she fills in the blanks (alt she's filling in the blanks based on lumpy space's social norms and can't wrap her head around Ooo having different ones) I think the best example is in "Gatcha" when she assumes Finn is in love with her because he's being nice to her and ignoring the part where she's flirting with him (he isn't taking her too seriously and doesn't know what she's talking about) The problem is others don't try to talk to her in a way she can understand: they get annoyed, frustrated or feel it's pointless so they ignore her. They yell and lecture at her for doing things wrong (she can't understand what people are trying to tell her when they lecture). Or they walk on eggshells and treat her like she'll go off at any random little thing, they just go along with what she says to keep her happy or go out of their way to make sure she doesn't get frustrated because they don't want to deal with her

The exception is Marceline. In "Princess Day" Marceline compliment LSP showing an appreciation for her bad girl behavior, she doesn't tell her she was in the wrong and supports her actions. This leads to them taking things too far but at no point does Marceline shame LSP for it, Marceline also owns up to her own part in the escalation. When LSP expresses concern about if these actions mean they're bad people Marceline doesn't dismiss LSP's feelings on this, she instead explains her own view saying she doesn't think there's such a thing as a "bad person" and that people just make mistakes. This was the first time LSP was able to explore her own guilt without being shamed or told she hadn't done anything wrong. Marceline supported and validated LSP's feelings through out the episode. This was the kind of support LSP needed the entire time but this is the first time she actually got it

LSP wouldn't have been able to grow as a person without that connection. Up until that point LSP had been become more and more detached from others, lashing out with emotional fits. After becoming friends with Marceline however she seemed to regulate and truly mature

One thing that reflects her growth is in her date with Lemongrab, when he gets up to leave she says he's afraid of intimacy, which while this shows she's still putting words in other people's mouths at this point there is a key difference in the words she using and even the tone of voice she says them. She says it as if she feels genuine concern for him, it's not indigent or aggressive it's soft. And she isn't talking about how his actions reflect on her looks but instead she thinks it's an insecurity he's feeling. She wants him to be able to face this supposed fear not because she feels cheated out of her date but because she doesn't want him being personally held back by it (Lemongrab doesn't actually have this issue)

You can also see growth in the Elementals episodes where she's the calmest she's ever been towards Finn. She's still hitting on him (I'm assuming it's a reflection of the fact she thinks everyone else is stuck in these changed forms and is seeking comfort via romantic escapism)

The finale shows her growth the most. She went to war to aid PB compare that to when LSP barely helped Finn cure Jake and treated it like a huge inconvenience that she isn't responsible for (despite them needing a cure because she accidently bit Jake)

Marceline is LSP's closest friend but Turtle Princess is LSP's BFF Turtle Princess and LSP can talk for hours, they listen to the other info dump and love trashy books, romance and gossip. They have trouble talking about other things and both become uncomfortable if they try. Turtle Princess thinks LSP is really hot and cool and looks up to her a lot. LSP thinks Turtle Princess is also hot and cool and will hype Turtle Princess up all the time

In summary, I think she has a lot of trauma and made a lot of bad decisions but is able to grow once she has a support system with friends who actually care about her

[thebookewyrme]

Please help if you can!

So, I never do this, and I was reluctant to post this here because it has my wallet name attached, but I’ve so far only gotten about halfway to what I need and I’m desperate.

So anyway, about 3 months ago my old GSD Bella (9) started acting lame on her left hind leg. We tried treating it medically but her condition just kept getting worse, and finally I decided to take the vet’s suggestion to do surgery, despite the fact that I absolutely don’t have that kind of money. With being newly separated from my husband, recovering financially from cancer last year, my ongoing health problems, and trying to move out of ex’s house into my own place, I’m pretty tapped out. But I couldn’t let my girl continue to suffer, so I made a GoFundMe.

So the surgery happened on Thursday, and it went pretty well. She came through it fine. Unfortunately, what the vets thought was wrong based on the x-rays (torn acl or torn meniscus) was not actually wrong. Her tendons were fine, so now the vets are baffled by the swelling, scarring, and lameness she was exhibiting, and I owe $2800 for a procedure that didn’t actually fix her lameness.

So now I’m asking for help here too, because I suspect there will be further expenses down the line to try to fix whatever is actually wrong with her knee. I know times are tough for everyone, but every little bit helps. If nothing else, give this post a share!

Thank you for any support you can give!

[l-yre]

sorry everyone i'm being crazy on tumblr again

I dream almost every night about either doing ballet again or being back in jail. Then I wake up in a cold sweat and the day unravels before I can grasp a single thread. I am vacant, hibernating, in stasis; around me the people I love find healing and success and power in their creative work, can't help but feel that I'm here to enable their joy while stamping mine out. I've barely written all year. The chapbook I finally managed to piece together, composed mostly of poems I wrote when I was feeling less dire, was solicited by a press that has since ghosted me. My girlfriend of 7 years who has always encouraged me to keep writing, ghosted me. My girlfriend of 4 years who I couldn't figure out how to treat well, who I was taking care of post-surgery when my house was being raided for a week straight, whose poems I adore, broke up with me suddenly and quickly as soon as she moved here. We still talk but it hurts. I weigh more than I ever have in my life. I can't fit into any of my clothes. Less and less people want to touch me. In the absence of the brutally enforced rhythms of a professional dance career I don't know how to exercise regularly or take care of myself. I started purging again sporadically after 10 years of recovery. My chest hurts, my heart gallops an old unsteady rhythm of fast-then-slow, my knees buckle when I walk. I start biking everywhere because I can't walk more than 15 minutes without pain. My friends who are poets forget that I also write poems. My friends who aren't poets forget too. I forget too. I don't believe in my own work or my own life anymore. I can't picture a future in which I am the kind of person who writes books because my creative drive and desires are nullified by the circumstances of my class background, my family, their idiotic cruel and arbitrary wealth that they offer then withdraw, the way they treat me and my friends. It feels decadent and unbelievably stupid to even complain about it - oh woe is me I have psycho rich neoliberal parents who would do anything to see me "succeed" (code for being thin and rich) and crashing out in that equation is the narrow gate of agency. But poetry still the only thing I care about and oh there is goes out with the tide. I can't talk to any of my friends about my pain because I know it's stupid and frivolous and some people have real problems, so I bottle it up and drink and pretend it's all good. I never ask for anything from anyone. Pretend to be well-adjusted and not relapsing, scold myself for the severe mental illness caused by, bitch, what trauma? What mistreatment? I'm here in this tiny room, free for 17 miraculous months, months I don't deserve because the time has been wasted. The only thing I can do is leave, give it up to someone who deserves it, someone more charming, someone more needful, someone with more to lose, more talent more beauty more brains more conviction, give it all up, till I have and am nothing, the nothing I was only ever supposed to be, and I'm not even strong enough to rip the bandaid to do the damn thing so it happens slow.

[amplifyme]

15 Questions Tag Game

I was tagged by @randomfoggytiger. Thanks for always including me! ❤️

Were you named after anyone? My middle name is Beth. It was supposed to be Elizabeth, after my great-grandmother. But the OB/GYN who delivered me (and all 4 of my elder siblings) decided Lydia Beth rolled off the tongue more smoothly then Lydia Elizabeth, so that's what he put on the birth certificate. True story, hand to god. I think he was right. The original is quite a mouthful.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Tonight. I just finished up the 1994 TV mini-series of Stephen King's "The Stand" - only my favorite book ever. Haven't watched it in probably 15 years and I cried like a baby several times. The cast is 99% pure perfection. The only thing I'd change would be the casting of Molly Ringwald as Frannie. Just... no. I understand why they chose her (she was pretty popular back then), but she was completely wrong for the part and very cringey throughout. OTOH, Gary Sinise will always be my perfect Stu Redman.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope. Though not by choice. I wanted to have children, once upon a time. It just never worked out. But I'm okay with that now. Everything happens for a reason.

WHAT SPORTS HAVE YOU PLAYED/DO YOU PLAY? I used to love playing volleyball and basketball when I was a kid. Then I got hit by a car at 12, jacked up my left knee almost beyond repair, and followed that up with 3 subsequent surgeries and arthritis by the time I hit 18. No more playing sports for this kid.

DO YOU USE SARCASM? Me?? Never. 😜

FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes. The windows to the soul, you know. Also body language. I don't think most folks realize how much they reveal simply by the way they hold their bodies.

WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Greeny-blue.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

ANY TALENTS? I think I'm pretty good at stringing words together in a way some people enjoy. I can organize like nobody's business. I bake great bread - or at least I used to. Haven't done that for years. I can also whip together something tasty with not much effort.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? About 12 miles south of where I live now. Out on the flatlands of Illinois, corn and soybean country. Mid-state, central region.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Writing, when the muse is amenable, which isn't often enough for me. Going on 7 months of my most current writer's block. *sigh* Reading. Hanging out in parks and forests preserves with a book and a camera. Bingeing on new shows or old favorites. Solving all the world's problem as I fall asleep. You know, the usual. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? Levon the Cat, who'll turn 18 this year. It's gonna be really hard to say good-bye. I think he'll probably be my last four-legged roommate. It's too hard to see them go, and I've done it too much now.

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5' 1" and some small fraction over that. I'm shrinking as I get older.

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English, history, and composition.

DREAM JOB? Small animal rescue for a no-kill shelter. Gimme all the dogs and cats. That, or working to help women and men escape domestic abuse safely. Been there, done that. The hardest part is deciding to leave. I'd like to use my own experience to help others escape the cycle.

Tagging anyone who'd like to play 'cuz I'm up past my bedtime and really tired.

[sweetbillwriting]

Love Just Happens

A New Chapter - Part 8

Characters: The future's Bill Skarsgård and others close to him. The rest is my own characters. 

Setting: This story is set in the future but because it's hard to say how the world is then (and it isn't that important for the story) the future is similar to our time now, even with fashion and so on.

Warnings: 18+, age difference, ageism, pregnancy, smut, kinks and fetishes, jealousy, sexism, family problems, parental problems, possessiveness, mention of underaged sex, mention of abuse, mentions about plastic surgery, bullying.

2034

Bill sat on the bed and looked at Aurora pulling off her zebra patterned dress, then gathering her hair in a big messy bun on the way to the bathroom. He continued to sit and look at her when she came out just in her panties, without makeup.

"Is it something?" She asked, covering her chest, feeling self conscious of his stare. Bill dragged a hand over his face and smiled apologetic.

"Sorry… No…" he stood up to take off his watch and jewelry. Aurora pulled on an old promotional t-shirt of his, "Nosferatu" that hung like a dress from her shoulders. When he had taken off his watch he once again became stuck looking at Aurora while she braided her hair.

"Okay… Now you must stop being creepy," she said and looked at him through the vanity mirror. Bill smiled embarrassed and looked away. He rubbed his eyes and really tried to get in contact with reality and he got help with that when Aurora sat down on her knees in front of him and opened his belt. Bill looked down at his girlfriend with big eyes and smiled when she smiled. Slowly she dragged down both his pants and boxers and that prompted him to pull off his champagne colored shirt. Aurora smiled playfully while he kicked off his pants with his boxers and socks and smiled back with love.

He had been irritated at her that night. They had been at a beautiful sky bar, in the middle of Norrmalm. They had eaten the finest seafood in a secluded table and it had the potential to be a really great night. He had arranged everything, so they could sit by themselves, had the best, most professional waiter and even managed to reserve her own toilet to use. He thought he had planned everything to have her by himself but he had missed one thing, telling her how important it was for him to be alone with her. Aurora always got attention wherever she was, much more attention than him but that wasn't the only thing that caused her to have more fan encounters than him. She really invited it in and did even that night. Instead of them just walking to their table with determined steps she stopped and took a look at the people in the restaurant with a smile. He took her hand so he could lead her to the table but Aurora slowed down again because two girls her own age had gained the courage to walk up to them. There was nothing odd with them, two regular fans that wanted to take pictures with them both. Bill declined but felt a bit stupid when Aurora said yes and took several silly pictures with the women, pouting lips and tongue out. He hoped they could get some time alone after that but her playful ways with the women seemed to make others dare to approach her. Three, four times people came up to them by the table even if the waiter tried to stop them. Aurora just giggled and asked for their names. She said no to photos when they were eating and Bill was happy for that but he still was a bit annoyed over it all. He had planned this night and it was already destroyed. It was even she who destroyed it.

Bill had sat down on the edge of the bed again while Aurora sat between his legs, his cock sliding between her lips. She sucked hard and dragged her long nails over his thick thighs. Bill played with her braids between his fingers and looked at her with heavy eyes. Once again had she destroyed the night, or at least his plan. He thought he could get her in a soft romantic place in bed, instead she had started to whine for his cock.

Aurora took a break and looked up at him out of breath. She gave him a sweet blushing smile and pulled off the Nosferatu t-shirt so he could see her chest. Bill smirked and leaned back on his elbows. His cock stood hard and waiting.

"Is it something baby?" He asked teasingly when she pulled off her panties. "You didn't finish your work."

"I thought… I thought maybe we could be close instead?" She feigned shyness and straddled his thighs so his cock was just in front of her.

"You mean you will not finish your job? Making daddy please you and do all the hard lifting?" He dragged his hands over her waist, down to her bum where he gave her a bit of a spank. Aurora looked at him bashfully and took a grip around his cock. Instead of answering she just moved up higher over Bill's hips and tried to steer his hardness to her pussy. Bill laughed mockingly and moved her away from him, threw her down so she was laying on her back in bed. He straddled her waist on his knees and angled his hips forward so she could really look at his member, that big, blushing erection. Aurora blushed, not really by embarrassment, more out of hornyness and excitement. Bill smirked while he looked at her, looking at him. Her eyes wandered from his cock up to his chest, down to his thighs.

"You're so perfect…" she said sweetly. It came suddenly, so real and wasn't a part of their earlier little game. Bill smiled at her warmly and moved down a bit so he could drag her up in a sitting position. She sat between his naked legs while they kissed deeply. He had a steady grip of her face while she dragged her fingers over his lower back, back dimples and down to his ass. He looked at her for a while before standing up from bed.

"Where are you going?" Whined Aurora and shifted like she would follow him.

Bill looked at her amused, being so desperate and needy.

"Stay there," said he softly but sternly so she would know he was serious. She made a little whiny sound but stayed on the bed, layed down, with her face pressed down on his pillow.

She looked up again when she felt him lay down next to her. She gave his body a quick look, searching for the hardness and took a fast grip around his cock again. Bill made a sound by the sudden contact and laughed a little.

"You will get it, I will give it to you so good but first…" He chuckled a little and laid a black velvety box on the bed between them.

They had only been together for two months, not even that, this time. Three years ago they were together for a year but that was it. Bill who never really thought about marriage could suddenly not think about anything else. He didn't know why he would wait if the thought of Aurora as his wife felt like the only natural thing.

Aurora giggled with rosy cheeks and sat up to open the box. Bill sat up too and before she was able to open the box he pinched her nipple to tease her. She made a shocked sound and waved him away but the both of them laughed when she opened the box.

"I can get you something bigger. More pink. If you want that. I talked to Erica and she thought you would actually like something classic, and I thought the same thing be…" Bill rambled while the both of them looked at the princess cut diamond.

"It's perfect. Perfect," said she softly and looked up at Bill's face. "But I want to hear the question now," she teased, moving a bit from him so she could put out her hand in front of him. Bill laughed a little, he still looked nervous, like he wasn't completely sure she would say yes.

"Aurora… Aurora Lou Mary Isaac… Do you want to marry me, Bill Istvan Günther Skarsgård?"

He looked at her with a blushing smile while she smiled big and excitedly.

"Yes," she said with a nod and stretched her arm out even more. Bill put the ring on her but didn't even get to look at it before Aurora had crawled on top of him, kissed him hard and succeeded to make him do a weird primal sound of adrenaline, manly pride, happiness and strangled hornyness. Aurora laughed and looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"But now can you give me something bigger and more pink, please."

×××

Aurora was most often in Stockholm city with someone, either with Bill, friends or some work contact. She didn't have a reason to be there otherwise, it was nice being on the island where people were used to her presence and she could keep a low pace. On a Thursday in May she was in town alone though, just with a security guard that kept his distance. She was forced to do her nails in Sweden, even if she hadn't been pleased with them earlier and she had found a studio that could give her some sort of privacy. They even let her walk in the backdoor and she took the same way out, it was there she suddenly stood eye to eye with Bill's ex. They had never met each other like this alone and now it would be even more stiff. Bill and Aurora just announced their engagement and Bill had just told his ex over the phone, this was the first time one of them had met his ex after they had started to wear their rings.

His ex was dressed in a simple black blouse and light jeans and looked like many of the Swedish women her age did. Aurora wore a short pink glittery skirt and a white t-shirt. It was much more modest than she usually was, especially because her hair was left in her own natural curls and she wore sneakers.

"Oh, hey," said Aurora and smiled nervously. She had her beige Prada bag on her arm and swayed with it.

"Aurora, hey, what are you doing here?" Bill's ex gave the black car and the security guy a fast look.

"Just doing my nails," she said and waved with her hand by reflex. It was the hand her engagement ring sat on. His ex just nodded a little, pretending to not have seen the diamond. Aurora didn't judge her for that. She could just imagine how the whole thing felt for her. Bill and her had been together twelve years and she hadn't got a ring.

Aurora stood a while with a thought in her head and when it felt like Bill's ex wanted to go she suddenly dared to say it.

"I heard yours and Bill's conversation when we left the girls with you."

His ex looked away uncomfortable and crossed her arms in defense.

"I don't know what you think, but I'm not some plastic girl," continued Aurora. His ex gave her a look. "Yes I have fake eyelashes sometimes, I have fixed my nose and I do my nails. But that's it. The girls see me most often without makeup, in comfortable clothes and a few weeks ago I even had a really bad break out. I promise you, they don't see me just dolled up."

His ex sighed and looked down.

"I'm sorry you heard that… I'm just worried for my girls. They've started to really think about such things."

"I get that, but I don't do much more than any other woman close to them."

His ex looked at her with a skeptical smile that Aurora felt was condescending.

"My lips, my skin, my hair, my ass is real. I was just lucky in the genetic lottery," she said with a shoulder shrug. It maybe was childish to talk about herself like that but she was more than twenty years younger than her, couldn't she get to be a bit childish for once?

The older woman cleared her throat while she watched the younger woman straight her back and look at her own reflection in a window. It looked like Aurora was looking at her own ass and she was. She had a good ass.

"Congratulations, by the way," said his ex and smiled. She said it to just talk about something else but also because she knew it was the best in the long run.

"Oh, thank you," said Aurora with a big smile even if she felt awkward talking with Bill's ex about it.

"Do you know when you will have the wedding?"

"28th of July," said Aurora without doubting. They had already booked the location and a wedding officiant. It was just in little less than three months but with contacts you could fix anything.

"Oh… This year? That's in three months?"

Aurora just nodded with a smile, she didn't feel she needed to tell his ex more than that even if she in some way felt sorry for her. Things went fast between her and Bill, people probably thought so but their love was right in a way others couldn't understand. After the women had said goodbye they both thought about their meeting. Bill's ex felt bitter, sad and confused over Bill's behavior. He wasn't the man she had been together with. Aurora worried about what his ex actually thought about her but it had felt good to let her know her ass was real.

×××

He looked at Aurora when she came back to the party in the vineyard garden. She had changed the long wedding dress to a short one. A tight and sexy dress that hugged her curves. She had taken off the tiara and now had a big white bow securing her half updo. Bill smiled at her and she smiled back like it was the first time they’ve seen each other. It was their party but people let them be while they continued to dance to the music. Some looked at them with smiles by seeing how in love they were but Bill and Aurora didn't notice that.

"Hello my husband," said Aurora and laid her arms around Bill's neck. Bill pulled on her skirt, by habit, knowing her short skirts often rode up when she leaned up that much.

"Hey, wife," he answered with a warm smile and leaned down to kiss her.

They joined some of their friends in a conversation but they never let each other go, like the marriage had glued them together by the hips. Bill's hand dragged over her hips and down to her bum and something caught his attention. He couldn't feel any panties. He expected to feel a thin band from a thong through the dress but it seemed to be totally smooth. Did she go commando under the short dress? On their wedding day? He looked down at her while she joked with one of his friends. When she looked up and he saw those playful eyes he knew, she actually walked around without panties. She was such a bad girl.

A light on the stage interrupted his thoughts and everyone turned towards it. His friend stood on the stage, a comedian he had known for many years. Aurora looked up at Bill and smiled a little nervously. They both knew they would get roasted.

They were right. Most of it was harmless, a bit mean towards the both of them but when his friend joked about Pennywise eating out one of the kids instead of eating her, it was a bit too far. Aurora was 11 when the movie came out but no one rarely made a deal of it. Bill didn't like the joke but smiled at his friend and applauded to not making a scene but it was obvious others were uncomfortable too. It came as a relief when Erica walked up to the stage for her maid of honor speech. She ditched the comedian completely and said she could have roasted him so easily if she had had the time. Her speech was cute but she also talked about how horny Aurora and Bill always were. Bill who stood next to his mother cringed a bit but she was used to so much with all men in her family. He thought then it would be time for the wedding cake but instead Erica invited Aurora up on stage. The audience cheered loudly by seeing the bride and even louder when she said:

"I want my husband up on stage," she smiled teasingly towards him and he got some pats on his back from his friends. Bill looked a bit nervous, he had stood on stage many times but he was awkward with it, not at all as comfortable with it as Aurora. He looked at one of the guys in the band, put a chair in the middle of the stage and he laughed nervously when Aurora pushed him down on the chair.

"Of course I have a song for my lovely, baby boy. My man. This will be so fucking sugar sweet so if you can't handle a real fucking love song it's your problem, okay?" Said Aurora and faked attitude and tossed her hair. Bill looked at her with big eyes then smiled at the cheering audience. Aurora bit her lip and turned to Bill when the music started. Bill looked at her with a beating chest but started to laugh and threw his head back in shock when the first words in the song was "your cock." The audience cheered even louder while Aurora sang the soft pop song with such explicit lyrics Bill blushed. She never let him go with her eyes and just came closer and closer until she more or less gave him a lap dance while singing. Bill looked at her with an embarrassed but proud smile and dragged his hands over her waist, and pulled down the hem of her dress. She smiled teasingly while he did it and turned so she could press her ass against his crotch. If they were alone he would have become rock hard by her dance but also hearing her sing how good she wanted to be fucked by him. Now he controlled that in front of the people but thought to himself that he was so glad his kids weren't there. He looked at Aurora rolling her hips in his lap and then he gave her a hard spank so the audience became wild. It was probably a bit much but they were a bit much. They were that hot fucking couple others just wished they could be.

Both of them were so excited after the performance that they walked into the big castle-like house to search for some privacy. They found a staff toilet and made out passionately against the wall to the booth. Aurora could feel Bill's hands caress her thighs, up under her dress so it rode up. Bill looked down on her nakedness and smirked evilly.

"You're so… so bad. No panties? A lap dance? You do everything to tease me." Bill pressed his hard on against her while with light fingers touched her sex. Aurora giggled excitedly, both from the light touch but also his words.

"I'm sorry daddy…"

Bill sighed and shook his head and with a swift motion he lifted her up and put her down in front of the big mirror.

"Undress for me."

He gave her a hooded gaze through the mirror and dragged his fingertips over her upper arms. Aurora looked at her tall husband in the mirror and swallowed hard.

"I'm a virgin…" she said and acted nervous and scared. Bill pressed his nose against her neck and breathed her in.

"Why do you think I married you? And now you're trying to make a fool out of me? Tease me with that pussy without giving it to me? Noo… Strip, " he said with a harsh voice and took a step away from her. Aurora swallowed hard but then let the the band of her dress fall so he could see her breasts. Bill just stood behind her and dragged a hand over his erection. With some struggle, Aurora opened the zipper in the side of the dress and let it fall to the floor so she just stood in just her high baby pink heels. Bill looked at her both from behind but also her front in the mirror. Aurora looked at him like she was fascinated over what effect she had on him and leaned down with her hands on the counter so he could see her glistening pussy. Bill made a sound in approval and squated down just behind her. With anyone else Aurora would have felt so exposed but she felt safe with Bill, even when he spread her cheeks to look at both her entrances. She moaned loudly when he licked her from her clit to her backbone and once more when he moved back but stopped to lick her entrances and make hard circles over her clit. He gave her a spank but then he stood up. Aurora turned around and looked at Bill, she gave him an irritated look, out of character.

"Continue," she whined. Bill shook his head and spanked her again.

"No, you teased me. It's payback." With determined steps he left the room smirking. Aurora made a sound of shock where she now stood naked and wet. He knew what he was doing because the rest of the night she grinded against him, touched his crotch or flashed her tits everytime she got him alone. Bill just continued to tease her with his conservative love while she acted like a horny virgin. He knew she would be wild that night. Their wedding night.

×××

2035

It was a mess in the archipelago house. Everything was upside down. They had the white grand piano in the bedroom, 50 pairs of Aurora's shoes in the gym and in the hallway upstairs there were several big boxes. Once again their living room was full of gifts for the baby and Aurora wanted to look through everything. If she could, she would have thanked everyone that had painted them a painting or made a little bracelet for their baby, especially because she also knew much of it would be thrown away. They couldn't save every crooked sock and children's drawing.

Bill was in the gym and worked out while his daughters occupied themselves. He didn't have any role to work out for but did it to feel strong, young and attractive. Working out became more important every year, because his 40+ body needed more to keep fit, but also because he had a 28 year old girlfriend. He didn't want to look like a tired old man next to her.

He had taken a break to drink some water and dry off some sweat but his eyes froze on Aurora's shoes, especially the baby pink ones in the left corner. He smiled just by seeing them. He recognized them well, he would never forget them. Aurora had worn them on their wedding day. When she performed, when they played in the bathroom. He still smiled with embarrassment and amusement when he thought about the song and Aurora grinding in his lap. His family had watched but also, every guy in the room could see his girl was perfect.

"Dad?" Said his middle daughter behind him. Bill took his attention off the shoes and turned around. She stood tall and thin next to a boy her own height. He looked at Bill with big eyes and a small smile. Bill was just dressed in a pair of running shorts and shoes and the sweat ran down his upper body to the lining of the shorts.

"This is Algot," said his daughter but looked at her father a bit embarrassed. Bill understood the wink and pulled on the loose tank top that laid on a bench by the window.

"Hello. Algot," said Bill tensely and put his hand out to shake the boy's hand. He knew Algot was his twelve year old daughter's boyfriend. She was way too young to have a boyfriend but also, he was obviously there for the wrong reason.

"Amazing house. Beautiful. We also have a house in the archipelago, on another island but not this big. It was a hospital right?" Algot licked his ass with a snobby accent and starlit eyes.

Bill smiled strained and gave him a nod. His daughter looked annoyed next to her boyfriend. Bill wondered if she was irritated with him or Algot.

"But Auro… Your wife isn't home now?" Algot swallowed hard, he lost his mature mask and looked nervous.

"No, she's in L.A. doing some promo for a designer thing."

Bill didn't say it was lingerie, maybe the boy would pass out then. Algot smiled wide again and Bill faked a smile back. He knew who his father was, a TV personality without integrity. The man had tried to befriend him several times but now had his son sneaking into his home instead.

×××

"Of course they aren't doing anything! She would never dare and I think Algot is gay!" Bill sat alone with his oldest daughter by the kitchen table and had asked about his middle daughter's boyfriend. His other daughters sat in front of the tv.

"Is he?" Bill asked, taking a sip of his red wine. His daughter drank Coke and ate peanuts.

"I don't know. Maybe bi? But they don't do anything."

Bill nodded and sighed.

"She talks so little nowadays…"

His daughter took a deep breath while she looked at her dad who looked sad and confused. She wanted to tell him that her sister looked at him and his wife strangely, that she didn't like seeing them together but didn't dare. It was her sister's problem and their father was so happy with his wife.

"Why did you take the round room instead of the gym for the nursery?"

Bill looked up and gave her a confused look. It was so off topic.

The upstairs was messy because they had taken out all the things from the round room. It had just been storage for Aurora's grande piano, her clothes and shoes after his kids moved in. There was no room for the things in the closet on the first floor so it had been placed in the round room. Now the round room's things were in the gym and their bedroom while they tried to find space for it.

"Because of the sun? In the gym it's morning sun so it would be quite hot there and Aurora was nervous so, the tower room was better. There’s not as many sun hours there."

"Oh." Said his daughter and nodded understandingly. She didn't believe the answer would be that good. Maybe her sister could understand that too.

She really wanted her father to tell this to her little sister but without telling him about her little sister's feelings. That would be hard and it became even harder when they came the next time and their dad and Aurora worked on the nursery every free moment. Aurora wanted them to have it as a project and welcomed his daughters to help but it was just the youngest who wanted to help. She just thought it was fun to look at all the pink things and imagine a baby in the room. She didn't care at all what room the baby got, she liked her room. His oldest daughter walked by sometimes mostly to laugh at Aurora who looked like a walrus when she walked around on all fours on the floor with her big belly. Aurora just joked back. They acted like friends. The middle girl stood sometimes and watched them and Bill tried to joke with her but she just shrugged her shoulders.

"You look funny like that," said the girl to Aurora who looked up at her with a smile. She wore white dungarees and just a pink crop top so her stomach was bare under the dungarees. Bill also looked up at his daughter but got another feeling. She almost looked mockingly towards Aurora. He hoped Aurora didn't notice it. What was happening? Had his ex told their twelve year old daughter something that made her hostile towards Aurora?

"Do you want to help me fold towels?" Aurora smiled towards the girl and showed her a towel with small ladybugs. She just shook her head and walked away. Bill looked at Aurora who watched her go. He could see she was hurt and he stood up from where he had been sitting on the floor framing pictures.

"Lou? Babe?" He said with a low voice and stroked her cheek. Aurora looked up at him and tried to smile but her eyes were shiny.

"Sorry I just…" she pulled in the door so it was almost closed but still so much open they could hear the kids.

"I'm just too sensitive… Hormones maybe? I don't know. It just feels like she looks at me differently." A tear slipped out from her eye but she wiped it away fast.

Bill didn't want to see Aurora cry and dragged his hands down her back and across her waist to their bump.

"She's just at that age… It had nothing to do with you. Okay?" He smiled at her and kissed her when he had made her smile. To his surprise she deepened the kiss and slid her hands under his t-shirt to drag her finger tips over his abs and Adonis belt. Bill kissed her neck but as usual she was too short and he got an ache in his back. He lifted her up on the closest flat surface, it was the nursing table and both of them giggled when they realized how weird it was he put her there. They looked at each other while laughing softly. They only had eyes for each other and didn't notice Bill's middle daughter looking at them through the crack in the door.

×

[sassycheesecake]

“Make Me Lose Control” (doctor!Kiyoomi Sakusa x nurse!Atsumu Miya) +18 MDNI

A/N: Based on a fanart, I decided to write something for it❤️

Warnings: Cursing, making out, Tsumu in scrubs

Atsumu Miya arrives right on time at 6 AM to his day shift on Monday morning at the Osaka hospital.

With his coffee in one hand and his bag on his other shoulder, he arrives at the CPU, tired as hell.

When he walks into the break room, his two coworkers Tomas and Inunaki from the night shift, are sitting at the table. The latter with his head resting on his arms, appears to be sleeping.

The black-haired giant smiles at Atsumu as he rounds the table to put his food from the bag into the fridge.

“Hey Miya, how was your vacation?” Tomas asks friendly.

“Short. Way too short.” The blonde yawns as he sits down across from his coworkers.

Inunaki is snoring slightly but neither of the men dare wake him up. Inunaki is a sunshine on day shifts but he is a nightmare to work with on night shifts, his mood worse than a pregnant woman with mood swings. The poor nursing student Hinata, once made the mistake of waking Inunaki up to ask a question and just two minutes later, Hinata was crying to Atsumu about him.

Shuddering at the memory, Atsumu sips his coffee in silence, not really waking up from the caffeine in it.

Crossing his leg sideways over his knee, the tired blonde is scanning over the newly printed papers from the station, which shows that they have 5 patients in total.

Still drinking his coffee, he notices the sleeping beauty beginning to wake up.

Groaning and rubbing his face, Inunaki stretches through his wrinkly Mickey Mouse printed scrubs.

Hearing a few joints pop, he sighs out in satisfaction.

Finally opening his eyes, he notices Atsumu sitting across from him.

“Hey Miya, long time no see. How was your vacation?” Inunaki asks in a groggy voice.

Drinking some water from his bottle Atsumu brought with him as well, he answers the same way like he did with Tomas.

“Ah well, we can be lucky to get any vacation at all.” Tomas nods in affirmation.

“Before I forget, Hinata called and said he overslept, he should be here shortly though.” Tomas says.

Speak of the devil, the orange-haired nursing student has arrived.

Panting he apologizes frantically, saying his boyfriend had a Volleyball game the prior night and they celebrated their win.

Waving him off, Atsumu states it’s alright because a certain white-black-haired nurse hasn’t shown up yet.

The clock strikes 6:15 am and still no sign of the hyperactive guy.

“Can we just please do reports? I want to go home!” Inunaki grumbles.

They all agree and grab their pens to start reports.

Tomas grabs his paper and begins to read out.

“In room 506, a 58 year old male, came in two days ago with acute chest pain and syncope, got an angiogram, where they found a thrombosis that burst and clogged everything up. He got surgery and is doing fine now. In room 510, 19 year old female, got a pacemaker, diabetic. She threw up twice last night and Inunaki gave her some Metoclopramide and fluids, she’s doing okay now. Gave her some tea as well to calm down her stomach. Uhhh in room 511, we have a 40 year old guy, dude has had a burst aneurysm, had surgery and is currently in the ICU, they want to transfer him here after he stabilizes.”

“Yeah sure why not. Give me more problems.” Atsumu mumbles under his breath.

“Atsumu, can I take care of him if he comes over today?” Hinata asks with excitement.

“Sure, knock yerself out kiddo.”

As Inunaki is about to start with his patients, Bokuto struts in, not a care in the world for being 20 minutes late.

Whistling a happy tune, he sits down and takes a small sip of his Starbucks coffee.

Noticing the glances from his coworkers, he looks confused at their irritated faces.

“What?“ He asks cluelessly.

“You’re 20 minutes late Bo. We already started reports.“ Tomas scolds him.

Rubbing his hand behind his neck, Bokuto grins nervously.

“Sorry about that hehe. I saw Akaashi at the entrance. He just came out of his night shift from the lab.“

“Did you ask him out yet?“ Inunaki leans forward to watch Bokuto.

Pouting, his hair begins to deflate a little bit.

“No, I always chicken out when he stares at me with his gorgeous smile and his mesmerizing blue eyes. Makes me forget everything at that moment.“ Bokuto sighs dreamily.

“Yeah I know what you mean, every time I look into Oliver’s eyes, I could get lost into them. Aw man, now that I think about it, I haven’t had a good fuck in forever, he’s always in surgery and way too tired when he comes home.” Inunaki whines.

“Speaking of a good fuck, you guys never guess who got Syphilis from sleeping with the chief of neurosurgery! I heard that Hoshiumi from the Stroke Unit is the victim. Serves him right though.” Tomas gossips .

“I haven’t been intimate with Kageyama for a while now, is that bad? Does that mean he wants to break up?” Hinata worriedly asks into the round.

“Okay, can we focus back on the reports please? I don’t need ta know about y’all’s relationship problems.” Atsumu complains.

“Alright. Moving on then.” Inunaki accepts his request.

“So in room 505, a 89 year old guy, annoying as fuck as always, his wife is even worse. Weighs 300 pounds and had a heart attack. Doesn’t surprise me to be honest. Got an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator 4 days ago and rings the call light like every 6 minutes. Did I mention that he is incontinent?” The light-haired nurse smiles in pain.

“Bokuto you can have him. I’m not in the mood for this shit today.” Atsumu says without looking at Bokuto.

“Got it Tsum-Tsum.” Bokuto salutes in his cartoon owl scrubs.

“Why did they give him an implant anyway? He’s probably staying alive for like a year max and then dies anyway.” Atsumu scratches his head in frustration.

“Because everyone deserves a chance to live Miya, regardless of their personality, age, sex or culture.” The station doctor Meian Shūgo arrives.

Making himself a coffee at the espresso machine, he turns to the nurses, as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“We’re getting a new resident today. He transferred here after he graduated from Itachiyama. Please welcome him warmly when he arrives. We haven’t had a graduate from a private university in forever. And he was the top medical student in his class.” Meian orders.

“Great. A snobby bastard is just what we need.” Atsumu has a sick-sweet smile on his face.

“Maybe he won’t be so bad Tsum-Tsum.” The black and white haired man encourages.

“Well tough luck Miya, he’s going to work here, whether you like it or not.” Meian blandly states while walking out with his freshly brewed coffee to his office.

“Uhhh anyway, patient in room 509 died last night from cardiac arrest, so yeah that’s it. Bye.” Inunaki crumbles his report papers into the data trash and rushes to grab his bag to leave.

“See ya losers tonight. Have a great shift.” Inunaki calls over his shoulder, as he heads out.

“Bye Inunaki!” Hinata chirps after him.

Tomas walks over to Atsumu and Bokuto and pats them encouragely on the shoulder, taking his leave as well.

Atsumu places his face into his hands and groans in frustration.

At 7:30 after Bokuto and Atsumu finish their rounds, the blonde writes his reports on the patient chart. Writing down the vitals and the skin condition from patient in room 506, he feels strange all of sudden. Like a dark cloud that is nearing towards him.

As Atsumu turns around, his fears are confirmed as he sees a young 6’3” man with pitch black curly hair and a medical mask partially covering his scowling face. His coat fits his figure perfectly.

Upon further glance, Atsumu notices that the stranger’s sparkling white coat and black scrubs are completely free of wrinkles, hair perfectly done, like he comes fresh out of a model magazine.

His stature is proud and Atsumu can already tell, he is a very arrogant guy.

Just what Atsumu needs on the station.

He turns back to the papers and the stranger is stopping right next to him, staring at Atsumu without a word.

“What?” Atsumu asks him with an arched eyebrow.

“I need the charts for room 510 and 506.” The hot doctor demands.

“And yer are …?”

“The new medical resident. Dr. Kiyoomi Sakusa.” He introduces himself.

“Well I ain’t done charting yet, so ya hafta wait ‘til I am finished.” Atsumu continues to write.

Sakusa peaks over Atsumu’s shoulder.

“I can’t read your handwriting. It’s chaotic and messy.” Sakusa bluntly states.

“Tough shit buddy, not my problem.” Atsumu replies back without looking at him.

Just by that comment, Sakusa feels a vein bursting from that comment.

“Why aren’t you wearing a mask on the floor? Do you know how many viruses, bacteria and whatnot are in the air?”

“Is the word nagger yer middle name? Sheesh. I can’t breathe right if I wear a mask the whole 12 damn hours. Also, cannot hide this beautiful face from the world.”

Sakusa doesn’t say anything, just stares angrily at the blonde.

Hinata comes out of room 509, noticing the new worker giving Atsumu glares that could have him burst into flames.

Deciding to save his ass from a possible intervention, he moves to room 505, where Bokuto currently is.

“Bokuto! I think the new resident is here! Looks like him and Atsumu don’t get along.”

The buff golden-eyed man finishes putting a new plaster on the surgery wound on the patient’s chest, before taking off his gloves and throwing them into the nearby trash.

Disinfecting his hands, he grabs the new IV bottle and hooks it up to the patient.

“What do you mean? Are they already fighting? Is it as bad as when Dr. Oikawa was here for his residency?” Bokuto asks intrigued.

Hinata thinks for a few moments and follows Bokuto out of the room.

Stopping right in front of the patient’s door, Bokuto and Hinata can see Atsumu and the stranger giving each other deadly glares while talking to each other.

Before the fight can escalate into something physical, Bokuto steps in.

“Hey hey hey! Are you the new resident that Meian told us about?” The over friendly man asks.

The dark-haired doctor glances at Bokuto with a scowl so deep, it sends shivers down his spine.

“Yes. And your awful excuse of a station boss is being very unprofessional.” He growls while looking back at Atsumu.

Atsumu glares right back at him, puffing his chest up a bit.

“It ain’t my fault this fucking idiot doesn’t speak manners. I told him that I wasn’t done writin’ the charts and he keeps demandin’ them like the spoiled brat he is.”

“Do you want me to report you Miya? Give me the damn charts.” Sakusa warns him.

“No.” He stubbornly replies.

Bokuto observes the banter with curious eyes, Hinata watching the scene while hiding behind his coworker’s broad back.

“Haha okay, I think we should all calm down. It’s Monday and it’s…”- Bokuto squints his eyes at Sakusa’s ID - “Sakusa’s first day here. Tsum just give him the charts, I am sure he’ll bring them right back.”

It’s an uncomfortable silence for a while.

Suddenly, the door to Meian’s office opens.

“Sakusa, I really need the charts now. What’s taking so lo-“ Meian interrupts his sentence as he watches his new resident and the nurse have a glare battle of death.

“What’s going on?” The chief asks with a deep sigh.

“He’s being a scrub-“

“He’s being a difficult -“

Both start, making Meian’s annoyance level rise rapidly.

“You’re BOTH being difficult. Atsumu just give him one chart at least, so he can learn about the patient’s diseases and medications. Just switch out after you are done. You’re both full grown adults, I expect high-skilled professionalism on my floors. Are we clear?” Meian scolds in a dark tone.

Atsumu looks away in shame, mumbles a quiet ‘yes sir’.

The other medical professional just nods, also keeping his head down.

Grabbing the file from room 510, Atsumu holds it out for Sakusa to grab, only to quickly snatch it back, as soon as Sakusa tries to grab it.

The cardiologist is about to lose his shit and is just mere seconds away from strangling the smirking good-looking nurse in his dark blue scrubs.

“Miya.” Meian warns in a threatening tone.

“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.” Atsumu cackles.

Sakusa forcefully grabs the papers from Atsumu and walks into his own office that he‘s been assigned.

Without saying anything, the angry ravenette goes inside and closes the door for some peace and quiet.

Atsumu still can’t wipe off his smirk, kind of feeling proud for making the new resident so angry.

Meian returns to his office as well after having a quick chat with Bokuto about the patient that is currently in the ICU.

‘Well Sakusa Kiyoomi, you‘ll learn soon enough that things won’t go your way like they did in medical school‘ , Atsumu hums in his head, before preparing the patient that has passed away for inquest.

3 Months later ~

Not much has changed at the CPU in the Osaka hospital.

Well to be honest, Sakusa and Miya are on a warpath.

Whenever those two would cross each other on their path, it always ends up in a mix between spitting curses and insults at each other.

Atsumu is currently on his break while Inunaki is on watch out for call lights or questions from doctors or family members from patients.

Eating the bento box of fried egg and fried rice with steamed vegetables that his twin brother and roommate Osamu has prepared for him the other day, he scrolls through TikTok to watch some stupid shit that pops up on his feed.

Sakusa enters the break room, not saying a word to Atsumu.

Grabbing his own food out of the fridge, Sakusa puts his broccoli-beef dish into the microwave, after inspecting it for stains and remaining leftovers.

“You know, eating so many carbs is not good. And… are you washing that down with an over-sweetened beverage from an overpriced food chain?“

“I don‘ fink I ashked for yer opinion Omi.“

Sakusa twists his face in disgust, as he listens to Atsumu talk with food in his mouth.

“Your manners are atrocious, Miya. I feel sorry for your partner.“

Atsumu swallows, collecting the rest of the vegetables onto his chopsticks.

“Good thing I don’t have one then.“ The blonde replies without looking at his coworker.

To be honest, it was unexpected for Sakusa to hear that Atsumu doesn’t have a partner.

The blonde is fit, he is jaw-dropping gorgeous, his smile could cure cancer but then again, his shitty personality ruins the looks.

The distracting noise of the microwave beeping snaps Sakusa out of his shock, taking the hot bowl out of it. Starting to walk out of the break room, Atsumu asks him a question that makes him stop.

“What about you?” Atsumu asks while he stares at Sakusa with a spark of interest in his eyes.

Sakusa has his back turned to Atsumu but answers nonetheless.

“What about me?”

“Do ya have a partner?” He clarifies.

Sakusa waits a few seconds, wondering if this kind of information is okay to share with someone he doesn’t particularly like.

“No. I don’t.” Sakusa leaves after that.

Atsumu has a small smile on his face after receiving the information, packing away his bento box to get back to work.

A few months later during the night shift, Atsumu is watching a Volleyball game with Inunaki. Well more like Atsumu watching it, while Inunaki is snoring in the comfy chair in the corner of the room, while a thick warm blanket covers his body up to his face.

Rubbing his tired hazel eyes, Atsumu sips another gulp of his energy drink, trying to stay awake.

All of sudden, the annoying beeping noise of a call light startles the blonde nurse.

Inunaki jolts up at the noise but Atsumu tells him he‘ll take care of it.

Mumbling a incoherent sentence, Inunaki falls back into the chair with a huff and moves onto his side and pulls the blanket closer to his body.

Lowering the volume of the game, Atsumu stands up to see who hit the call light.

It’s room 510, an elderly man who has an infection in his pacemaker is currently hospitalized in that room.

As Atsumu enters the room, he warns the patient of turning on the light before turning off the call light.

Before the blonde nurse can even ask, he immediately sees that the bedside next to the patient‘s arm is wet, which indicates that the IV is not good anymore.

With a tired sigh, Atsumu stops the fluid from dripping any further and takes out the IV.

After changing the bedsheets and hospital gown, Atsumu disinfects his hands and makes his way to the doctor on duty tonight, which is Dr.Pain-In-My-Ass-Kiyoomi Sakusa.

Without knocking on the door, Atsumu enters Sakusa’s office.

The curly-haired ravenette is currently typing away with a concentrated look on his MacBook, not even looking up at Atsumu.

“Can you maybe bother knocking next time before you disgrace me with your presence Miya?”

Scowling at what Sakusa said, Atsumu crosses his arms and tells the cardiologist what he came for originally.

“Patient in room 510 needs a new IV.”

“Fine. I’ll get to it later when I have time.”

“Can ya maybe do it now? So the guy can get his antibiotics before he dies? And so I don’t have ta wake up the poor guy again at-“ Atsumu glances at his Apple Watch- “fucking 2 AM.”

“I said I will get to it when I get to it Miya. Get out.” Sakusa hisses behind his screen.

Scoffing at his answer, Atsumu turns around to walk out and mumbles “prick” under his breath and that was the final straw for Sakusa.

“Miya you have something to say to me?” Sakusa asks in an aggressive undertone, closing his MacBook.

Stopping in his tracks, Atsumu keeps his back facing towards Sakusa.

“Ya know what? Yeah I do have somethin‘ ta say.“ Turning on his heel, he whips around to face the pissed-off resident.

“Yer actin’ all mighty-highly like ya found a cure for cancer. I bet they kissed yer ass in med school because they think they found the eighth wonder of the world. Well I got newsflash for ya buddy! Just because ya came from an expensive as shit private medical school, doesn’t make ya better than any of us! And also, just ‘cus Meian thinks yer a special snowflake, don’t mean I think you are! Yer a rude, entitled little sea urchin!” Atsumu vents as he glances down at Sakusa.

Sakusa still has his death glare resting on his face, slowly getting up from his desk chair, around his table.

Atsumu can now see Sakusa’s dark bags under his eyes much clearer, his black curls messy and unkempt, with dark red wrinkly scrubs hanging loosely on him.

The nurse doesn’t like that his opponent is a few inches taller than him but as he stares into his dark eyes, he feels like he is being pulled into the eternal darkness of them.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Office.” Sakusa speaks slowly in a very dangerous tone as he takes a step closer to the nurse with each word. Normally Atsumu would punch a guy like Sakusa but for some strange reason, it ingnites a fierce fire inside of Atsumu’s heart. The blonde hasn’t felt like this in a very long time and it seems like Sakusa feels that wildfire spread to him because the next thing Atsumu feels, are fierce yet soft lips on his own.

The action makes Atsumu’s breath hitch in his mouth but it’s like his body is not listening to him and he automatically kisses the ravenette back with as much force.

The physician grabs a hand full of soft sandy-blond hair and pulls on it harshly. The action makes Atsumu want to moan loudly but it’s muffled by slightly chapped lips against his own.

Sakusa uses the chance to sneak his mouth into the blonde’s mouth and tastes strawberry flavor of the energy drink and skittles that Atsumu has previously consumed.

Sighing in bliss, their tongues fight for dominance, with the cardiologist easily winning it.

But all of sudden, as if Sakusa put his hands into a fire, he retracts so quickly from Atsumu in just a blink and stumbles back into his desk.

Both of them breathing heavily, the blonde is in daze whereas the ravenette looks as pale as a sheet of paper.

"Kiyoomi? Ya okay?” Atsumu takes careful steps towards him only to be stopped by Sakusa.

"S-Stop. Don’t come near me. T-This was a mistake. Please get out. I’ll put an IV in the patient, just please get out.” He manages to stutter out in like an almost panicking manner.

The words feel like a punch to the gut to the cardio nurse but he follows the request and leaves without another word or glance at him.

Walking back into the break room, Atsumu slowly sits down, still trying to process what just happened.

Inunaki wakes up at the sound of his coworker sitting down.

Seeing his flustered face while still having a shocked expression, the light-haired nurse worries for Atsumu.

“Tsumu? You okay?”

Barely registering his words, Atsumu nods without saying anything first, like he is in trance.

“Yeah, uh… yeah, I am fine.” The blonde assures him.

Shrugging it off, Inunaki immediately falls back asleep, while Atsumu is still trying to process in his brain what the fuck just happened.

Slowly raising his fingers to his lips, he can still feel Sakusa’s warm and soft lips against his own, as if they left a trace on him.

Atsumu can’t help but smile slightly at the fact that the grumpy and stiff Dr. Kiyoomi Sakusa kissed him back.

\(^-^)/ stay tuned for part 2 ❤️

@darthferbert @rukia-uchiha-98 @nerd-of-karasuno @wake-uptoreality

[zerolostwalks]

spotify wrapped: 29 :D please!

Thanks for the ask!! You picked a good one!

29 is as Good as it Gets by Little Hurt, which, is actually the vibe/inspiration song I've been using for the Reggie POV tie in to A Matter of Time. (Also I just decided I'm gonna include snippets, if it's fics I am already working on because why not)

((honestly I just feel this is a song that screams Reggie and there are a few different fic potentials for it. BUt I will stick to the A Matter of Time timeline below the cut))

Right now I am debating between two starting points, either the last big fight his parents had with his grandparents. Where it is heavily implied his grandparents planned on suing his parents for custody, and then his parents move to California.

The clearest earliest memory Reggie has was of his parents yelling at his grandparents. He knew there were earlier fights, they just weren’t as memorable. A monotonous daily occurrence that blended together to the point where it became a fact.  Parents fought. They hid their fighting as best as they could around others but no matter what, they fought.  It wasn’t until that fight with his grandparents that he’d even thought to question that fact. And only because of the one thing he’d heard his Pop bellow. Not a full blown yell but the first and only time Reggie’d ever heard him raise his voice like that.

The other starting point would be high school, when he actually first sees Julie. Then from there the story would follow Reggie during high school for a bit. Where we see Julie hanging out with them out of the periphery, the potential 'break up moment' between Luke and Julie. Which honestly can be it's own fic potential (Luke has dropped out, ran away from his parents, and he did not tell Julie. Julie's been worried, doesn't understand why Luke would abandon his parents that way, and is not ready to jump back into music)

Reggie sat waiting for Mr. Deckard to get in for the day. Personally he didn’t get along all that well with the guidance counselor. None of his friends did, really. The man had a set idea in his head of the proper path any upstanding youth should take in life, and pursuing a career as rock musicians did not fit in the mold. 

Unfortunately, Reggie was in the wretched position of needing Mr. Deckard's help. So he sat waiting in the uncomfortable chairs they used for the front office, fingers drumming on his thighs. Then they walked in, drowning in a plum colored flannel and a pair of loose fitting jeans ripped around the knees. He tried to not stare at the giant sun decorating the thigh of their pants leg, though he wondered where they even found pants like that. Maybe they made them themself, that’d be cool.

Then there'd be some of the build up of Sunset Curve's big break, going on tour, his health problems and then it's a matter of picking which scenes and moments from A Matter of Time get the Reggie focus.

Some other things revealed:

-Part of why he bought his own house was so he could move his grandma in with him, since she was having all the medical problems. She died before he even got the chance, other distant relatives argued he didn't have the right since he wasn't involved in her life...which not his fault.

-In the moments Reggie's alone on the bench before Julie shows up he has been spiraling. Been spiraling since he got the news about his heart. Hasn't even told the guys yet what the doctor has said. He's seriously contemplating just not getting the surgery. Plenty of rock stars die young. Some old insecurities flare up, and then Julie shows up and turns his night around.

-The food cabinet moment from A Matter of Time from Reggie's POV is different. Mostly because during high school years you learn that he had to do something similar out of necessity otherwise he didn't always have food to eat. So learning Julie has her own secret cabinet for her own food, he does not register it as Julie setting boundaries. He's thinking despite everything he went and somehow turned into his Dad. Which is part of what drives him to get so pushy about suddenly helping her. Dad never helped. hen she yells at him, and it's just all the alarm bells screaming.

Which is also part of why he goes to avoiding her. HE doesn't know how to fix this. Is this just the way relationships are?? Does everyone immediately turn into the worst versions of themselves when you get married?? Then you have the pizza apology and it's the first time Reggie's ever had even a glimmer of hope in a romantic relationship. Which doubles as a 'when did I start having romantic feelings here?"

-The post surgery almost fight when Reggie is getting annoyed at Julie for acting like his nurse is when he realizes he is like seriously in love with her. But figures he can't openly admit that. Especially when she keeps insisting how they're friends.

-He does have a bit of a panic attack when Julie gets sick. A combination of can't even take care of her and more irrational the universe doesn't want him happy. Willie talks him down from that one over the phone. (Also Willie def suspects something after Reggie has to think about the bedroom thing, and also sees that Reggie's bedroom is very Reggie with no Julie anything in there. Willie chooses to keep quiet)

-Then towards the end is the main reason I ever started considering making this Reggie POV fic in the first place. Sunset Curve are having a songwriting or Jam session at Alex, Luke, and Willie's place when Carrie just won't stop calling Bobby. No one knows what to expect when they hear Carrie and another voice very animatedly talk on the phone. No one expects Bobby to turn around look Reggie dead in the eye and says "Julie's moving out?"

Everyone sort of panic as Reggie tries to keep brushing it off and avoiding the whole story. At least until it's Willie who ask "Does she even know you love her?" or something. Which of course throws everyone else off because why wouldn't she know that.

Then the whole story comes tumbling out and everyone is like you two are morons. Flynn and Carrie (having been put on speakerphone by this point) insist Julie doesn't want to leave and the two of them need to ACTUALLY talk.

[tsukidrama]

please like this post if you read the rant because im literally just screaming into rhe void and i need literally anyone to listen to me right now

the family member i was closest to for most of my life and who basically guided me through being a teenager and coming out just verbally degraded me for 10 minutes using the exact same trigger words that my abusive dad always did.

i typed out what happeneed 3 times in 3 different ways and it only makes me feel worse. there was a point in my life where she was my safe person. she was the person that i could go to whenever i didn't have anyone else to talk to or i felt like no one would listen to me. she has always gone out of her way to offer her home as a safe space for me no matter what has been going on in my life.

very very long story short, my grandma's health is declining because she has heart failure. my aunt does not take care of her own health and has had to undergo emergency surgery 3 times in the past year (2022). she is getting a knee replacement on Monday.

i don't want to give out too much information because of privacy reasons but basically my grandma is in heart failure. she's 79 years old and has a lot of other medical problems that generally make her very high risk in general.

basically my grandma has convinced herself that she absolutely needs to accompany my aunt to her knee surgery. and my aunt is just, letting it happen? even though my aunt has told me multiple times that having grandma in a car for long periods of time is very dangerous for her health. it's the reason i take an 8 hour fucking road trip to see her as often as i can.

all i said was "i gotta say that i'm really worried about grandma coming along with you when you have used the words 'very dangerous' to describe car trips for her."

these are the exact words that i used.

immediately it's like a flip switched. i didn't even have time to breathe before she started shrieking like a banshee telling me that i'm disrespecting her by saying that she can't take care of my grandma and disrespecting my grandma by saying that she can't do what she wants. she kept saying "well i'm sorry that you feel that way" a lot more shit that i'm not going to sit here and upset myself by typing out.

i've been crying on and off for almost 6 hours now. i don't know what i did wrong. i don't know what to do. i want my grandma to be a part of my life but my access to her is entirely through my aunt. i want to talk to my grandma about all of this but my aunt won't let me talk to her. i'm so fucking scared for her and i feel really helpless and triggered about things that happened with my dad.

i dont want to get into it fully but basically my dad lied to my face for years about the status of his health and instructed his doctors to reiterate those lies so i wouldn't find out. two days after my 18th birthday he signed me up as his new medical proxy and continued to lie to me about his health despite forcing me to sign legal documents that would give me power of attorney if he were to go unconscious and i had to make choices for him. i only found out that he was dying when he screamed "you need to do [whatever he was yelling about] because i'm dying!" in my face. he was.

cut to a few years later and i have now developed crippling anxiety when people tell me they're having issues with their health. there will always be a part of me that feels like i'm being lied to, or that someone is either overexaggerating or underexaggerating how bad their illness is to manipulate me. most of the time when i feel like this i can recognize it as anxiety. i really do feel like i've made a lot of progress regarding that, because i know that nobody besides my dad would lie to me like that.

she understood how i felt like the choices that my father made took that relationship away from both of us. everyone else tried to convince me to show my dad sympathy, but my aunt made a point to validate my feelings in that his "out of sight out of mind" mindset was extremely damaging and traumatic for me and my brother.

except for my aunt, now, apparently??? which really fucks me up because she knows how much it damaged me emotionally. our relationship began to deteriorate when i hit my early 20s and it became clear to me that she doesn't even try to take care of HERSELF. she knew her knees were bad but she didn't go to the doctor until she couldn't walk. she knew she had kidney and gall bladder problems but she didn't go to the doctor or attempt to change her diet until she literally went into organ failure and almost died from sepsis. sinks, bathtubs, countertops, lights, the oven. all have broken and she just, did not fix it! she and my grandma washed their hands in the bathtub for months until my brother came to visit and fixed it for her. instead of saying thank you she yelled at him that she didnt need help . just including this to help paint the picture of how bad at managing literally everything is. oh, and there was a week in the Louisiana summer heat where the AC broke and she waited a week before calling someone to fix it. A WEEK. IN THE LOUISIANA SUMMER TIME. A 79 YEAR OLD WOMAN.

now i just feel like. well who the hell is this cunt and what did she do with my aunt? why the fuck is she talking to me like this???? i haven't felt like this since i was a teenager. i'm angry that she feels comfortable putting my grandma's health at risk. i'm horrified by the way that she spoke to me. i'm disgusted that i ever thought it could emotionally connect with someone who is related to my dad.

there are more reasons that we have grown apart (including a recent interest in alt-right conspiracy theories) but overall it was important to me to have a relationship with the people in that house because they're the only one left on that side of the family. so i would bite my tongue because i knew she wasn't actually going to change. she would just brush it off. but it's different when you're letting my grandma put herself at risk. and why? "because grandma wants to come"

well personally i would rather grandma be mad than dead. but apparently expressing this is extremely rude and i am a "nasty little girl that needs to learn her place"

if it wasn't for grandma i would have already gone no contact. it would hurt me a lot to cut them off but i feel the red flags popping up more than ever. aunt won't let my grandma talk to me for more than a minute or two and when i see her in person she won't let me back into her bedroom. i have caught aunt in multiple lies concerning covid safety, hanging around meth users, and an abusive ex-husband of the woman who lives with her (don't even get me started).

it doesn't seem like a possibility for me to stay in my grandma's life when i've gone no contact with her caretaker. all i want to do is talk to her. i don't know what to do. i don't want her to die. she's the only grandparent i have left and i already rarely see her because she lives so far away. all my other family is dead.

it genuinely shocks me how well people can hide their true colors. if this bitch kills my grandma i will never let her forget about it until the day she dies.

[relax-o-vision]

Valentina has had knee problems we couldn't find the source for. The vet said she's just oversensitive and we should wait for symptoms to get more severe.

We didn't, of course, but went for a second opinion instead. Turns out she has bowlegs and needs surgery for her kneecap to stay in place.

She's 18 months old and loves to jump and play so it's not gonna be easy to keep her in a box for several weeks.

It's not the end of the world and she's fine mostly. But I wanted to share this rare picture of her covered under a blanket and with her teddy, and tell you about her, I guess.

Also, before you get pets, please consider if you actually have the money and the time and energy to care for them. Valentina is a very sweet, friendly dog and I wouldn't want to have to make a decision to her detriment just because I can't afford the alternative.

[miras-ash]

Chapter 9 of "Just as the stars love the night"

Mira's pov

"Liz? Lizzie!" Someone shouted from the other side of the large helicopter cargo bay and came walking quickly toward us. It was Hibana. She dropped to her knees beside me, gently took Eliza's face in her hands and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs.

With moisty eyes, she then looked at me.

"Why is she so cold? Why is she still unconscious? Mira what's happening to her?"

It was the first time in months that I saw her so upset and it made me anxious too. Thank God Doc came to the rescue.

"She's weak and Finka gave her an adrenaline boost to get her through, her body is exhausted. When we get to Nighthaven, we'll know more."

"Why Nighthaven? She has to go back home to us, right?"

Obviously Yumiko was a little out of it, or so it seemed so I took her in my arms to comfort her, that was something I had to remind myself lately, Yumi and Eliza were like sisters. Of course it was just as hard for her as it was for me. Even though I wanted to stay with Eliza, I trusted that she was safe so I took Hibana and sat with her a little further away. My arm around her shoulder, she leaned her head against mine and closed her eyes and I closed mine.

I really didn't want to fall asleep, but I was so damn tired.

When I woke up the last ones were packing up everything and leaving the helicopter. I rubbed my eyes and looked around, she was gone. I jumped up and ran, only to bump directly into Yumiko and Jordan.

"Where is she, where did they take her?"

I quickly tried to run past them but didn't get very far because they stopped me together.

"Mira you need to calm down, they took her to the infirmary right away, she's probably already in surgery. Remember she is in good hands. Gustave will take care of her himself and Nighthaven has fabulous doctors too. There's nothing you can do now anyway."

And that was the problem, I was once again powerless. Anyway, this was all my fault, if she hadn't left instead of me, I would be lying there now fighting for my life.

"That's not fair. She didn't deserve that."

Somewhat confused, they both looked at me.

"Of course not and that was never the point. She was just damn unlucky but at the same time incredibly lucky, after all she's still alive and back with us now."

Now it was up to Yumiko, she took me in her arms and hugged me tightly and it felt incredibly good.

Together we went inside where Ela was waiting for us, she led us to the common room which was a bit crowded because Nighthaven and Rainbow Operator met there together. What an unusual sight. Yesterday we were two rival almost enemy units and today we had worked and sat peacefully together.

We sat down at a free table and took off our still wet and cold armor. That would have to do, I would have plenty of time to change later. Someone handed out hot coffee and tea to everyone and small groups formed which now chatted boisterously with each other. Again and again, my old and new colleagues came by to inquire about me and wish me well, which drove me crazy and again and again I looked at the clock. Time passed so incredibly slowly.

Suddenly a small bright scream, startled I looked over to the door. Pulse was standing there, holding little Maho in his arms, who hurriedly came towards me and threw herself into my arms.

"Aunt Lena!!! We haven't seen each other for so long. Dad told me that you are here and also mom and Jordan and.... And then... And there are soooo many here!"

She barely managed to put it all into words. She jumped around on my lap and looked at me with big, shining eyes.

"And Dad said that Auntie Lizzie is here?! He said something really bad happened and that's why everyone thought she was gone forever but it was all just a big misunderstanding. He said she is really sick and she has to go to the doctor now."

It was all a bit much at once, I loved Maho but I was overwhelmed. How could I explain to a child what had happened? I could hardly handle it myself.

Yumiko probably saw what was going on and took her daughter in her arms.

"Hey baby, Aunt Lena is really tired. She's been on duty all day and is just waiting to see Auntie Lizzie and then it's off to bed for her. Speaking of bed... What are you doing here?"

Maho blushed and tried to avoid her mother's gaze.

"I was supposed to be sleeping, but I was so excited so I snuck past dad and when he caught me I said "please" until we got here."

Yumiko gave Jack a quick glance and then turned her attention back to Maho.

She's grown so much in the last few months and seeing her now brought out feelings of guilt in me. Only half a year ago she had been with us so often, stayed over, been on trips with us but after Eliza's supposed passing I had withdrawn too much, had no time left except for work. Damn it! Another thing I had screwed up.

The room emptied more and more from hour to hour. Meanwhile it became three o'clock in the morning and except the small kitchen radio it was quiet. Most of the people had already gone to bed, Kali had also provided rooms for her guests. After all her base was big enough.

Only she, Hibana and I were still there, waiting for something to happen. Another hour later, there was a knock on the door and a visibly exhausted Doc was standing there. I jumped up and went to meet him. The other two followed my lead.

I imagined the most horrible things, he would say she had not made it and that they had done everything but it had not been enough in the end. I felt dizzy, I had been awake for almost 30 hours now, apart from my little nap in the helicopter. I hadn't eaten anything since then either and the stress. I closed my eyes and tried to brace myself for the worst. Doc's voice just barely got through to me.

"It wasn't easy, but she'll survive."

[brckenoncs]

(—) ★ spotted!! MICAH KENNEDY on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 22 year old looks like HERO FIENNES TIFFIN, but i don’t really see it. while  the RETIRED ATHLETE/REALITY TV STAR is known for being AMBITIOUS my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be ALOOF i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song LOSING MY RELIGION by R.E.M  { he/him, cismale}

the statistics

name: Micah Kennedy age: Twenty-One dob: April 1, 2002 gender: Cismale sexuality: Pansexual occupation: Olympic Swimming Gold Medalist for 50m Freestyle - 2020 Olympic Games, Olympic Swimming Gold Medalist for 100m Freestyle - 2020 Olympic Games, Olympic Swimming Gold Medalist for 100m Butterfly - 2020 Olympic Games, Olympic Swimming Gold Medalist for 4x100m Medley - 2020 Olympic Games,  Olympic Swimming Gold Medalist for 4x100m Freestyle - 2020 Olympic Games Reality TV Star - Current, Pianist - Current parents: Jordana Kennedy, unknown father siblings: Madeline Kennedy (twin, 21), Wednesday Kennedy (5) swimming career claim: Caeleb Dressel (minus the Rio de Janeiro Games)

the history

Growing up on camera would have thought to have made a bigger impact on Micah’s life than he let it. From a young age he was trained to have no qualms of the spotlight and made zero fuss when it came to his family’s hit reality tv show. To him, it was just another day at home.

At three years old, no one could keep him out of the ocean. His fascination with swimming and the water was unexplainable but it wasn’t long before he was enrolled in private swimming lessons.

At five years old he made the resolution to go to the Olympics and spent his entire life training to do so. It was amazing when he qualified for the 2020 Olympics at only 17 years old and even more of an accomplishment when he went on to win 5 gold medals, adding him to the list of only four other Americans to win that many in one Olympic Games. Also became the first male swimmer to win gold medals in the 50m freestyle, 100m freestyle and the 100m butterfly in the same games. 

tw: car accident In July of this last year, Micah was out with his sister at a party. She had gotten a bit out of control and Micah jumped into the car with her to stop her from driving away. She did so anyways and ended up crashing it. Micah ended up having to have surgery on his knee, which got completely twisted around during the accident, and his shoulder suffered a tear in his rotator cuff. The doctors had identified that the shoulder problem had been ongoing for a while, just escalated from the accident, but thus confirmed that he would need years of physical therapy to be able to walk normally again and couldn’t clear him to compete in swimming any longer – ending the career he spent his entire life working towards.

This pushed the already recluse of the Kennedy family further into a hole, finding it hard to get out of bed. The best therapy – both physically and mentally – was started and Micah tried to get back to his life as little as he could.

His therapist suggested picking up a hobby and piano seemed to be the only thing that stuck. Now all of his time is dedicated to mastering the skill and trying to grow from there. 

Though he doesn’t state it, Micah is resentful of both his sister and being a Kennedy. He loves his family, truly and dearly, he doesn’t understand how she could put either of them into the situation and why this was the one thing that his family name couldn’t solve. He had tried to make a name on his own and it was thrown back into his face.

updated information ( TW pregnancy, TW NICU , TW depression , TW suicidal thoughts ): after his accident, Micah spent weeks trying to get around feeling like he didn't belong. imposter syndrome overtook him as he felt as though he didn't fit into the Kennedy mold, was selfish for how he had originally broken up with Melrose Levington, selfish for hurting Archie Sinclair, the whole nine yards. It wasn't until he had a breakdown to his mother, Jordana Kennedy, who helped him get into a therapist and into programs -- which worked for a little while. That was until he found out that Melrose was pregnant and after a paternity test it was found that he was the father of her unborn child. After a rather easy pregnancy, their daughter was born suddenly months early and little miss Juniper Levington-Kennedy has been in the NICU fighting for her life.

[joy-in-opera]

Hh... can't sleep. Anxiety is being dumb. But also existential shit, and I kinda need to put it somewhere.

Many worst-case scenarios have run through my head. Losing family members being among the worse ones, etc... but of all things, I wonder if I could face speaking with old friends I use to talk to back in HS... my choir directors included.

They were both kind and helped push me toward music, a life-long passion of mine, and one that still burns bright. They gave me opportunities to develop my musical talents and I'm forever grateful for everything they did... but they don't know a lot of what has happened since I left HS. They don't know about my Ehler's Danlos Syndrome, and the various issues that it entails. They don't know that I'm in constant pain, and will be for the rest of my life... they don't know the extent of my anxiety, and how it has prevented me from seeking better jobs out there, or trying to push toward performance. ... and now that I'm trying to push toward being a music teacher myself, even with the help of a vocational rehabilitation program, I still find it very difficult to take the small steps toward sending in applications...

Would they understand that I fell short of my aspirations? Would they be disappointed? Would they feel like the effort they put in was wasted on me? I genuinely don't know, but I also understand that I'm thinking the worst of the what-ifs. I genuinely feel like a failure, like I'm floundering in whatever life wants to throw at me and my family next.

I'm the 2nd child, the eldest daughter, in a family of 7 kids and 2 parents. All of us have health problems in some way or another: my mother's EDS is worse than mine is, among a myriad of health issues, and she already owns a wheelchair she uses. My older brother has an autoimmune disease where he needs to be on medication for the rest of his life, and suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. My 1st younger brother was hit on his motorcycle back in 2020, royally fucking up his knee to the point he needed cadaver tendons; he is still dealing with the aftermath and all that entails physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. My sisters have varying degrees of physical health problems and mental illnesses: depression, anxiety, one hit puberty too early, another needed surgery to fix her bowed legs, and all us sisters and my mother have Gastroparesis. My 2nd younger brother suffered with anxiety for so long that he went catatonic at one point and needs to be on medication for it, ontop of dealing with scoliosis developing that we need to keep an eye on. My father is among the luckier ones in this merry group of ours, but he's still been beat up in his own way. He's broken so many bones in his body and spine, that a medical professional was surprised he is still walking and working... not to mention having a heart issue as the cherry on top.

I want nothing more than to take care of my family... I want to take care of the people around me that I care about most. I don't want myself or them to have to want for anything, or cry in the middle of the night wondering how to pay for medication or procedures that will help improve their quality of life or just keep them alive. ... but I feel helpless. I can barely scrape by with the little I can do myself, and late at night like this, I want to give up. ... But I can't do that. I shouldn't do that. I have to keep pushing and going because there has to be better days ahead. There has to be days where the pain is more bearable, where the anxiety doesn't have a chokehold on my ability to move forward, where I can help my family and friends through their hardest times like they've helped me through mine.

... and yet, with all this being said, the thing that I'm most scared of in this moment in time, is confessing everything to people I know IRL? It's funny... you're crawling through the fire and the flames only to be scared by a little jumping spider in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't make sense, but y'know... anxiety doesn't make sense sometimes; or, most of the time. I've cracked jokes during traumatic experiences and kept a calm and level head, but then turn around to have a mental crisis over how the people I know/knew IRL would respond in light of... all of the everything. Maybe it's an easier thing to fret over, instead of everything else? I don't know.

I know the steps I want to take from here to keep moving forward. ... I'm scared, I have doubts and insecurities, at times I feel stuck or frozen... And goddammit I gotta figure out how to put away how much I care about what folks think.

But for now I'm still here, and I'm content with that. I don't plan on going anywhere, and I count that as a win.

[rabbit-dance]

Okay, this gives me All The Feels. For one, there's the Obvious feels because this is, simply put, beautiful. He can play again. The thing that makes him happiest. It's beautiful and I'm so glad his story has a happy ending and that we get to see it.

But this hits me extra hard because my story is similar. It's long, so it's below the cut.

So, I've been drawing my whole life, and I've apparently loved comics since before I could talk. My mom found one of my earliest drawings that wasn't a mass of scribbles on a page. I drew "panels", and in each of them were two different-colored blobs, my characters, with circles full of wavy lines and hash marks for word balloons above them. They were talking to each other, with the "words" appearing over one, and then the other in the next panel. My first comic. Apparently Tiny Rabbit was a comedic genius, because mom said that when I brought the comic to her I was laughing so hard I could barely walk. I couldn't speak much at that age, but she knew that I had, at least to myself, successfully written down a joke. Fast forward a bit, and I'm in college for animation. This was in 2000. It was a shiny new century, and technology in the field was racing forward at an almost alarming rate. I was right in the middle; old enough to learn traditional hand-drawn techniques, but young enough to be learning 3D animation and modeling with the latest programs and equipment. Best of both worlds!

It was wonderful but grueling, even in school. Remember the animator strikes that just happened? Yeah, that culture was taught. We were encouraged to draw with both hands so that if when the one hand gave out, you could pick up your pencil with the other and keep going. Only about 30% of students even made it through the animation program. Just like the industry, it was notorious for chewing people up and spitting them out.

But I'm stubborn as hell, and I did it.

This is where my story gets familiar. We've all heard this one. There's a promising young athlete, fresh out of college, who gets to do their thing professionally. They're doing okay. Not the head of the pack, but they definitely don't suck, and they're a favorite for advancement. Then they blow out their knee and their career is over before it's started. Oh, well. Them's the breaks, kid.

That was me with my hands. Carpal tunnel in both of my wrists. Potential permanent nerve damage. My fingers would sometimes lock up into little T-Rex claws like our pianist's up there. Pain that rivaled my migraines would shoot up my arm when I tried to grip a pen or hold a mouse. For a while I could hardly type. My doctors had never seen damage like mine in someone my age, especially with no other health problems that could affect it. They said that with surgery, the gods smiling on us, and if I was the best physical therapy patient ever, the best I could get was 70% function.

And that I could never be a professional artist again.

I felt like a fish that was just told I wasn't allowed to swim anymore. To say that I felt bad about it would be an understatement, but I couldn't wallow in it. Bills had to be paid, but what could I do? I have severe vertigo. I can't drive. My hands and wrists were toast, and I couldn't use a keyboard or reliably carry anything heavy.

My one grandpa had taught me metalwork growing up. Brazing, soldering, etc. I've always been a beader (Natives gonna bead, yo), I'd picked up chainmaille as a hobby, and I've always liked jewelry. So, I became a jeweler. I started with chainmaille, and over the years I expanded my tools and skills to get to silversmithing, engraving, etc. All that fancy jeweler stuff.

"But Rabbit," you ask, "Isn't that hard on the hands?"

A valid question! Turns out, how I hold my tools is different than how I hold my pencil. Even when I couldn't draw, I could still make jewelry. Eventually I got to where I could use my computer and such again, and I did start drawing, but only a little bit here and there. Doodles, really. They scratched the itch, but nothing more.

So, I built a nice little business as a jeweler selling at shows and festivals. My wife, kiddo and I were doing okay. I could manage a little bit of drawing every day; less than an hour, but it was something. I even made some coloring books and self-published them on Amazon. I said I was stubborn, remember?

Enter The Plague.

We all know that sucked for artists who rely on events to get by, so I'll spare you that part. What's important is that I, whilst doomscrolling (everyone's favorite quarantine activity), came upon a picture from 2002 that was shared on one of the Native pages on FB. It was taken outdoors, at night, at a college bonfire party. I was in it, along with about a dozen other people. I had been visiting family on the rez with my grandma, and my cousin invited me to the party.

What was a fun memory for me was quickly destroyed when I learned that I was the only person in the photo still alive. Everyone else had died from Covid.

Quick aside if you didn't know - The pandemic sucked for everyone, but it hit Indigenous folks HARD. Look it up if you want to be mad about something. It's awful.

Anyway, that made me take a long, hard look at my life and what I wanted out of it. I wanted to make a comic book. I'd always dreamed of it, and had even started several in high school and college, but I only got a few pages in before I quit. Life and my own insecurities got in the way. But now, with no shows to work towards in quarantine and an old flame burning again, I had plenty of time and nothing to lose. I had a story idea rattling in my head, too.

One about plague doctors.

So, I went back to have my hands looked at. I was going to make a comic book come Hell or high water, but I wanted to know where I stood, first. The doctors were amazed! The years of using all of the many different tools in my metalworking had strengthened my hands and wrists. I'd learned to take breaks, and how to do the right stretches. 95% functionality!

I was cleared to draw.

That was almost exactly three years and one month ago. I told myself then that I would start drawing on January 1st, 2021. To prepare, I started outlining, got Clip Studio Paint, dusted off the old Wacom, and decided to stream it to keep myself accountable.

I'm coming up on almost two years of drawing for hours every day I possibly can. I'm on Issue Five of the comic, and I'm working to get Issue Three ready for printing. I'm still excited about the story, and I get a rush every time a panel really comes together. Evie and the kiddo say they've never seen me happier, and I don't know how I could be.

As I watch this old man play with his bionic gloves, I look at the black drawing glove on my own hand, and smile.

I understand, João Carlos. I hope you play every day, for years to come.

Thanks to a pair of a bionic gloves, this 80-year-old classical pianist can finally play the piano again. The maestro, João Carlos Martins, had lost dexterity in his hands due to aging and health complications. His face at being able to play piano again says it all. 🎶

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