#she wants to tell her to go home sick tbh lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wooahaes · 2 years ago

Text

cause you’re my flower

pairing: non-idol!seungkwan x gn!reader, ft roommate!dk

word count: 9.3k~

warnings: angst, no happy ending. usage of the hanahaki disease trope + mentions of surgery (& hospitals). heartbreak, depictions of illness (via hanahaki), reader struggles with breathing some. vernon says ‘dude’ but its unclear whether its aimed at reader or toward chan (it can be easily read either way). minimal proofreading, my bad.

daisy’s notes: ok google play flower + fallin’ flower by svt. in my heart theres a sequel of reader n joshua + jeonghan (or just reader and seokmin tbh, both could work) slowly falling in love lol but i doubt anyone wants that fic

It all started with a tickle in the back of your throat in early winter.

In your defense, you’d just thought you were coming down with something. From the corner of a cozy cafe, you waited for Seungkwan with a burning hot cup of tea in a to-go cup between your hands. Maybe you’d make another cup when you went home--black tea, maybe, with honey for your health. Seokmin would probably give you a soup recipe if you asked and help you make it, too (the perks of having a lovely roommate). But that could wait, as you saw Seungkwan walk into the cafe. He spotted you, smiling and waving before he went to order his Americano. He’d asked you to meet him here, and yet you’d arrived before he did. You’d tease him about it later: you always seemed to be the one who showed up to places before he did (out of habit for getting places early, to be fair).

Soon enough, Seungkwan had sat across from you, making small talk while he opened the plastic. You’d been talking about work when you noticed the way he fumbled the straw, the plastic hitting the table.

Was he nervous...?

“Everything okay?” You tilted your head, as if it’d give you a better look at him. His eyes flickered up to meet your own, and you smiled. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Seungkwan let out a sigh a moment later, annoyed that his nerves had triumphed over his attempt to act casual. “I went out on a date.”

For a second, your smile faltered. “Oh?”

“And it went well,” he said, pushing his straw into his drink. The ice clinked as he picked it up, taking a long sip before setting it back down. “She wants to go out again, but...”

“But?”

He met your gaze again. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

In another life, you’d probably laugh at him. Tease him over being clueless before asking what they’d agreed on. But that damn tickle in the back of your throat made you cough, smile falling as you reached for your drink. Seungkwan, kind as he always was, had immediately moved to push it into your hands. He waited, watching you take a long sip of your tea until your throat felt soothed.

“Are you sick?” He frowned, brows drawing tightly together. “I should have asked before asking you to meet me--”

You waved him off. “I’m fine, Kwannie,” you forced your voice to stay lighter, as if nothing was wrong. “Don’t worry about me.”

Yet he pouted, “Have you been taking your vitamins? It’s cold out. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll get sick...”

Again, you dismissed the thought. “I’m fine,” you pushed further. “So... Do you like her?”

His face flushed at the question as he averted his gaze, taking another long sip through his straw instead of answering your question. “She’s... really kind,” he settled on a moment later. “I think she really likes me.”

Who wouldn’t like you? You cast that thought aside. “That’s good,” you kept your tone even. “So... You’re telling me all of this because...?”

“I want to buy her flowers,” he said. “And I want someone to go with me, and Vernon can’t--not that I’d ask him. You know flowers. So...”

Despite that same damn feeling in your throat picking back up, you swallowed hard and nodded. “Of course I’ll go with you,” you said. “You didn’t have to ask me out to coffee to ask that.”

Seungkwan’s face flushed once more. “I...” He knew you had a point. “I just wanted to see you. Is that so wrong?” When you began to cough again, Seungkwan frowned, “I’ll get you some napkins. You should go home and rest,” he stood up. “Seriously...” He huffed, “We’re friends. You should have told me you weren’t feeling well.”

Truthfully, you didn’t know you were coming down with something. You’d been fine up until he asked you to come meet him, and even then it had only been that tiny tickle in the back of your throat. With napkins pushed into your hands, you bid Seungkwan farewell before leaving--but not without him saying he’d text Seokmin and demand that he take care of you. He was your close friend, that’s what friends were for (and Seungkwan could probably recount the times he’d helped Vernon and Chan when they were feeling awful, albeit from a distance with a mask on and a bag of medicine held as far from himself as possible to minimize the risk of getting sick himself). You’d promised him that you’d let him know when you were home safe and sound, because Seungkwan was a worrier when the people he cared about were struggling, and that had been enough for him to finally let you go.

When you came home, Seokmin had been looking through the fridge. “Seungkwan said you’re sick,” he called out without looking up. “I think I have a recipe--”

“Oh my god, it’s not that serious,” you said, slipping into your house slippers. “I might be getting a cold. I’ll make some tea and rest--it won’t be a big deal.”

Seokmin looked up. “Are you sure? I’ll make us soup tonight,” he turned his attention back to the fridge. “I might run to the store--”

You immediately began to sputter and cough again, something in your throat moving upward with each hack. Seokmin immediately rushed over to you, wide-eyed as he hit you between the shoulder blades as you leaned over the sink. Gasping for air, you continued to choke until something finally fell from your mouth: a wet glob of petals, bright yellow standing out against the stainless steel. You stood there, heaving as Seokmin wordlessly rubbed circles into your back as you caught your breath.

Fuck.

Hanahaki Disease. Of all the things your family was saddled with, this was the absolute fucking worst. While not purely related to genetics, there were the rare families that were more prone to the stupid disease. You’d never win the lottery, but you’d win this shit. Your mother had it once when she was a teenager, and so did her father, and her father’s grandmother because not every bitch in your family has been saddled with this shit. You’d hoped that you’d lucked out.

Considering you were sitting on an examination table and the plastic bag of those stupid yellow carnation petals you’d coughed up, clearly you had not. Seokmin had brought you to the doctor, insisting that you have someone out in the waiting room. And since you knew exactly who these feelings were linked to, you refused to bring Seungkwan or Vernon or Chan into this: two of them would spill shit because this was too big to keep secret.

“Surgery is an option,” the doctor said to you. In your pissed state, you almost wanted to snap back that you knew that because of your family history. But she hadn’t done anything to you, and you bit back any bitter comments as she continued to talk about how the procedure was entirely safe.

Your parents, luckily, had already agreed to pay for the procedure before you even brought it up. You’d called them after spitting up the flower, and your mother had said they’d pay for it to save your life. What you hadn’t told them was that you weren’t entirely sure about the procedure at the moment. You’d heard the horror stories both from family and people outside of it. Your mother had woken up and gone back to school a few days later, and she felt... nothing when she saw her former crush. He used to be her friend, and the surgery had been what led to their friendship ending. Your grandpa told you that he hadn’t regret itted in the slightest: the young man he’d been smitten for had moved on, he never saw him again, and he recovered well.

But you? Seungkwan was your friend. One of your close friends. How were you supposed to face him after surgery and feel nothing? At the worst, you might not even remember him since the recovery period differed for plenty of people. Your grandpa had told you that: his grandpa had told him when he was a boy that he forgot her face entirely, and that it was for the best. Better to live without remembering them than die gasping for another breath and choking up flowers. How were you supposed to tell Seungkwan that you couldn’t get close to him again? That this would be it between the two of you because if you stayed around him too much, you held the risk of it coming back?

You couldn’t. The idea of hurting Seungkwan was... hard to swallow. Or maybe that was also the petals you started coughing up again, your doctor quickly pushing a paper towel into your hands.

“Luckily we have medication that’ll help slow the process,” she told you, already jotting something down. “A surgeon will get in touch with you to help you figure out what comes next, alright? I’ll give you a call in a day once we get those x-rays back.”

You mumbled some sort of thanks before gathering your things. Seokmin rose once you re-entered the waiting room post-payment for your visit, and made his way over to you.

“I’m fine,” you said, continuing past him. “Gotta stop by the pharmacy.”

Seokmin’s gaze softened. “Well? What did she say?”

You waited until the two of you were outside. “I guess I’m getting surgery.”

“You guess?! You have to get it,” Seokmin said, “you’ll die if you don’t! You aren’t considering not--”

“I don’t know!” You hugged yourself tight. “I just--I don’t know. How am I supposed to tell Seungkwan I can’t see him anymore?”

Seokmin slowed to a stop, staring at you. “It’s Seungkwan?”

... Fuck, you weren’t supposed to say that. No one was supposed to know. But if you had to pick a person, Seokmin was trustworthy. He wouldn’t tell. Not until later, at least. And if you went through the procedure, you’d at least have someone who could keep him away, if not break the news for you...

Seokmin said your name, pity in his eyes. “You should tell him.”

“I can’t.”

Seokmin reached for your hands, gently curling his fingers around them. “You should,” he pushed further. “I’ll be there with you if you want me to be. But you should tell him. What are you going to do if you don’t? Just stop seeing him?”

Honestly, it didn’t seem like such a bad plan. A dick move, definitely, but cutting him out entirely and letting the news get to him secondhand? He’d never want to see you again after that heartbreak. It’d do the job.

“Don’t,” Seokmin said, knowing the look on your face. “We need to go to the pharmacy, right?”

You nodded, pulling your hands free from his. You started forward, only to feel the telltale feeling in your throat of flower petals again. With a tissue pushed into your hand from Seokmin, you coughed up a few petals before curling your fingers around them tight, hands shaking. Seokmin came back to your side, leaning forward to see that tears were brimming around your eyes.

Your name fell from his lips, and before you knew it, Seokmin had enveloped you in his warm embrace. “It’s okay,” he promised. “I’ll help you. You’re not in this alone.”

At least you had Seokmin. In the end, he’d be all you’d have, and you knew it. But you could manage with just Seokmin for right now.

“Seokmin said you went to the doctor.”

Seungkwan stood a little further from you, happily looking over the different flowers on display. True to your word, you’d come with him after promising that you were fine. The medication was working at temporarily slowing down the disease’s progression (thank you, modern medicine--you only choked up flowers every once in a while now), and you hadn’t felt anything. Maybe a little numbness in your chest, but nothing major. That was a normal side effect, apparently, to help with the whole flowers-growing-in-your-lungs thing. You side-eyed the stupid bouquet of yellow carnations, though.

Seungkwan called your name, and your attention snapped back to him. He’d come over, looking down at the flowers. “These are pretty.”

“You don’t want them,” you pushed past him. “If you’re going to pick carnations, you should pick the red ones. Or the pink ones, if you want.”

He’d stayed right where he was. “I don’t know,” he said. “These are pretty.”

“There’s better yellow flowers,” you said. “If she knows anything about flower language, you’d be telling her a big ole “nope, not interested.””

Seungkwan immediately turned away. “This is why I have you here,” he made his way back to you, already latching himself back onto your arm. “You’re the expert... What do you think? I want to give her something bright and pretty.”

You were far from an expert. You just... looked up flower meanings sometimes. Maybe it came from a morbid curiosity when your mother told you, after your badgering, what flowers she had (purple hyacinth--sorrow, a beg for forgiveness). You had looked up your own: of course loving Seungkwan would give you something pretty and bright like him. At least they were better than the red spider lilies (death) that your grandfather had coughed up.

“Are roses off the table?”

“Aren’t they too serious?” Seungkwan frowned at you. “This is our second date... I don’t want it to look like I’m moving too fast.”

“Then go for tulips,” you said, guiding him over to where a bouquet stood of pink tulips. “The pink ones would work.”

“Are you sure?”

If you didn’t know that Seungkwan was anxious, you would have rolled your eyes. He... really seemed to like this girl. There were legends that said if you could convince him to love you back, the flowers would go away on their own. But if doing that tore him away from someone else he already liked...

“Of course I’m sure,” you smiled at him. “She’ll love them.”

Seungkwan had smiled at you, squeezing your arm. “This is why you’re my best friend,” he said. “Besides Vernon.”

The disclaimer there made you smile. If he didn’t specify, you would have texted Vernon immediately. You turned your attention away from him for a moment, gaze caught on a bouquet of white lilies kept in a case. Seungkwan followed your gaze, his grasp on you easing up. He quietly excused himself to go speak to the florist, and you made up something about needing fresh air.

Standing outside the shop, you watched people trudge past. The paint on the bench was beginning to flake off, pieces of dark green and pale white petals coming off onto your fingers. You dragged your hand along the leg of your jeans, and pulled out your phone. You’d need to take your medicine in another few hours, before you went to bed. Once in the morning, once at night: the nightly dose kept you from waking up with petals in your throat (as well as knocked you out pretty well). It worked. It wouldn’t work forever, not when the disease became worse, but at least you had a little more time before you needed surgery. It gave you time to think about what really mattered now.

“Is something wrong?” Seungkwan had exited the store, bell still jingling as the door shut behind him. He held the bouquet in his arms securely, yet gentle enough to keep from crushing a single flower.

Tell him. You could practically hear Seokmin urging you to do so. “Seungkwan...” You felt your hope dwindle in your chest. Guilt. Don’t ruin this. Leave him with good memories of you. “What would you do if something happened to us?”

He frowned, settling into the spot next to you. “Did the doctor say something?”

“No! No, just...” You frowned. “Theoretically... if we couldn’t be friends anymore... Would you move on?”

Seungkwan watched you with careful eyes, mouth slightly agape as he struggled to answer the question. How would you answer that kind of thing? “You’re scaring me,” he said a moment later. “If something’s wrong--”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you insisted. “It’s just--I dunno, I watched a stupid movie the other day,” you lied, hoping he would buy it. “And I just kept wondering about what would happen if we couldn’t be friends anymore. It’s stupid.”

He let out a sigh of relief, back falling against the bench before he immediately smacked your arm. “You scared me! I thought you were dying!” He huffed, “You shouldn’t talk so seriously about a movie. Seriously...”

“You didn’t answer the question,” you pouted at him. “Would you move on?”

“No,” he said, “because you’re stuck with me forever.”

You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile. “Uh-huh.”

“You love me,” he laughed, one of his arms slipping through your own. His cheek pressed against your shoulder. “Right?”

... Right.

Seokmin sat behind the wheel, fingers drumming against it as he slightly bobbed his head to the music. He still hadn’t told you where the two of you were going--only that you had to go with him because this was important. Important enough that he was driving to a different part of the city, listening carefully to each instruction from his phone’s map service. He told you that he’d explain when you got there (which was what he told you after he told you he’d explain in the car). Despite your slight demand that he take you out to dinner at a casual place in the area that Mingyu had been raving about, you trusted Seokmin enough to blindly follow him like this.

He pulled the car into a spot, quickly shooting a text to someone before he turned his attention to scrounging up the change to pay for parking. “Okay,” he said. “You said the surgeon called for an exam before setting the date.”

“Uh-huh?”

“And you told me that you were still on the fence about it.”

Stupidly, you had. Although, when you thought about it, it was good that you told someone. Your parents were completely set on it without giving you space to decide: Seokmin at least listened to you.

“I’m going to help you make up your mind,” he said. He pointed up to a higher apartment on the building. “My friends live there. I’ll introduce you when we get there.”

Once he’d paid the meter, Seokmin took your arm and guided you into the building. Soon enough, the two of you were standing in an elevator. You ignored the worried look Seokmin gave you when you coughed up petals into another tissue (this time your own--you’d stolen one of those pocket packs from Seokmin so he wouldn’t have to dote on you so heavily). The elevator whisked the two of you higher and higher before chiming, and Seokmin gestured for you to follow as he looked back at his phone. Wordlessly, you followed him down the hallway until he finally arrived at a door.

Before he could even knock, the door opened. A pretty man stood in the doorway, hair pulled back into the tiniest of ponytails as he warmly greeted Seokmin. Then his gaze met your own, and that warm smile fell a little.

“Is this them?”

Seokmin nodded. He said your name, before turning back to his friend, “this is Jeonghan. We were in a choir together in college.”

Jeonghan stepped out of the way. “I’ll let him know you’re here,” he said. “Just a warning that he doesn’t really remember too much, so... Please don’t stress him out too much.”

The two of you stood in the entryway as Jeonghan left, calling out for someone named Joshua. With a curious glance to Seokmin, you began to pull off your coat to leave behind as Jeonghan returned with another man--equally handsome in looks, with the gentlest eyes you thought you’d ever seen on a person.

“Hi,” he said, voice warm already, “so, uh... You’re the one with Hanahaki?” When you mustered up a nod, he extended a hand to you. “I’m Joshua.”

You introduced yourself in turn, giving Seokmin another weird look. “And... I’m here because...?”

“Hanahaki nearly killed me,” Joshua told you outright. “And Seokmin said you’re considering not getting the surgery. I’m supposed to tell you why it’s a really bad idea before you make up your mind.”

You immediately glared at Seokmin. “I thought you said you wouldn’t force me to change my mind--”

“And he’s not,” Joshua said, gently guiding you forward. “I wasn’t going to get them removed either. But things were... really, really bad. So I just want to tell you what you’re signing yourself up for.”

Jeonghan made a comment about making the two of you some tea, and you followed Joshua out onto the balcony for some privacy. He brushed a hand through his hair, settling into a cozy chair. There was an easel set up in the corner, empty of a canvas but stained with paint. Joshua followed your gaze to it.

“Do you paint?” He asked, and when you shook your head, he smiled. “I don’t, either. It’s Jeonghan’s.”

“And you two are...?”

“Friends,” he clarified easily. “Really close friends. Look... Seokmin told me a little about you. You’re in love with your friend, right?”

It felt weird for a stranger to say it out loud. But you settled into your chair, nodding. “Yeah. His name is Seungkwan,” you said quietly, “and I didn’t mean to fall for him, but I did, and now...”

The conversation died as Jeonghan stepped out, setting two mugs between the two of you. You thanked him, and waited until the balcony door slid shut again before reaching for your own mug.

“And now you’re coughing up petals,” Joshua said, taking his own mug. “I get it. I didn’t think it’d happen to me, either.”

“What happened?”

Joshua opened his mouth to speak, only to wince for a moment. “Shit--” He lifted a hand to his temple, rubbing at it before setting down the mug. You watched the way he went quiet, eyes squeezing shut. “I--I don’t know,” he said. “Jeonghan told me that there was a girl. I fell in love with her, she rejected me, and then I started coughing up flowers.”

You raised a brow. “He told you?”

The pain began to subside, and Joshua opened his eyes again after a moment before nodding. “He told you, right? I don’t remember all of it. Her name, her face... her favorite color.” He stared off for a moment. “Nothing. I’m apparently a rare case, but the doctors said it’s because I let it progress too far.”

“You didn’t see anyone?”

He shook his head. “I told Jeonghan I wasn’t going to. He’ll say I was being dramatic, and maybe I was, but... I didn’t want to lose her. I loved her,” his gaze didn’t meet yours again. “It wasn’t her fault she didn’t love me. Not all cases are fatal, I mean. Jeonghan says I had this stupid hope she’d change her mind because the guy she liked was a dick. My mom kept telling me that I needed to see someone. I think...”

He took a deep breath. And then he slowly exhaled, curling back up in his chair. The thick sweater he wore fell down over his hands, and those pretty pale brown curls were rustled by the cold breeze. But neither of you moved to go back inside.

“I think I was punishing myself. I don’t remember why, or how I came to that conclusion, but it makes sense. I was the one who fell in love with her when it wasn’t going to happen. I was the one who deserved to suffer for it.”

Something about the somber way he spoke shook you. Like he had resigned himself to death there, the heartbreak of a love so powerful not being returned had broken him. Maybe that was why you still weren’t sure about the surgery. It’d be admitting you were stupid enough to fall for someone who never liked you.

“So it got worse,” Joshua continued after a moment, lidded eyes staring down into his tea. “And worse. And then Jeonghan came home one day, and found me collapsed and gasping for air. He called the paramedics, they managed to clear my airway of the blood and flowers, and I was taken in for an emergency procedure to remove the flowers. If he hadn’t come home, I would have died...”

He didn’t need to say more. You understood the feeling well. If Seokmin hadn’t pushed you to see someone, you’d probably be in the same boat. A morbid part of you had to wonder if you’d be the same way: lying on the kitchen floor, cold tiles under your fingers as you gasped for one last breath of air.

“I’m a rare case,” he said, eyes meeting your own again. “Most people who get the procedure done before it progresses too much still retain all their memories. And I know there’s research still being done on whether Hanahaki always returns if you stay around the person, since a lot of people are reluctant to break ties when they’ve fallen in love with their friend. But if I could go back in time... I don’t think I would hesitate.”

“Have you met other people?” The question pushed out of you before you could process it.

He smiled at you warmly. “I’ve met you.” But then he laughed softly, “A few. No one I’ve liked yet, but I have hope. I started seeing a therapist once I was released from the hospital, and she’s helped me with everything. They say it’s really rare for Hanahaki to take hold twice in the same person--something about the antibodies created, I’m not sure.” He set his mug down. “But... I think Seokmin’s worried you’re trying to punish yourself, too. Just because you fell in love with your friend.”

You said nothing, arms curling back around yourself to hug yourself tight.

“It’s not a crime to fall in love with someone,” Joshua said slowly and clearly. “Just like how it’s not a crime he doesn’t love you back. I know you don’t want to cut him out of your life, but you need to do what’s best for you. You’ll love someone else one day. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t live to experience it.”

Not all cases are fatal, you wanted to point out to him again. It goes away in rare cases.

Rare. Just like the disease itself.

He began to reach into his pockets, pulling out his wallet. “The therapist I see is a grief counselor, but she apparently did some major studies in helping people like us recover after the surgery. If you tell me your room number, I’ll send you a bear.” He slid the card across the table to you. “I figured you’d be tired of flowers.”

The thought made you smile. Without a word, you accept the card, pushing it into your own wallet to consider later. “I didn’t say I’d go through with it.”

“I know. Send me your room number. I’ll give you my number when we’re back inside,” he pushed back his chair. “It’s freezing out here.”

You scooted your own chair back, about to stand when Joshua turned back to you.

“When you tell him,” Joshua said, “make sure you tell him that you still treasure him. Okay?”

You stared at him a moment, brows drawing together.

“Jeonghan didn’t get to do the same before his own procedure,” he said quieter. “She was his friend, too."

(It wasn’t until then that you noticed the top few buttons of Jeonghan’s shirt were open, and you could see the faint incision scar up the center of his chest.)

Seungkwan had invited you over to a movie night--just the two of you. With your medicine kicking in, you’d agreed. Saturday night movie nights were a longstanding tradition, sometimes including Vernon if he wasn’t busy (and occasionally Chan, ever since you unbanned him from them (he had bad taste in college)). But tonight would just be the two of you, and you’d had a long day at work, so something about curling up with Seungkwan and watching something stupid seemed more appealing. At least the petals weren’t a huge deal. You could hide them if need be, but they hadn’t been acting up too badly yet. Maybe you coughed them up a bit more, which wasn’t great when you had to answer phone calls at work, but people were usually understanding when you made a quick apology and went straight back into that mask of professionalism. You’d fully be off while you recovered from surgery, taking off a few personal days leading up to it as well, and hopefully be fine to return soon enough. But you kept tissues on your desk and had grown better at coughing up the petals and immediately tossing them away before anyone could see or be bothered by it. Even Seokmin rarely noticed when it was acting up again.

And yet the universe seemed to have the absolute worst fucking timing.

“You didn’t have to say yes,” Seungkwan said from the other end of the couch as he watched you shift uncomfortably, coughing into your elbow while searching for your pack of tissues. “If you aren’t feeling well, you should be resting. I don’t know why you’re even at work right now. Your doctor should have given you the written excuse to get your boss off your back.”

“She did, I just didn’t use it. I’ll take off next week.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the drama on the screen--something he’d been meaning to watch. “I have extra vitamins you can take with you. Remind me and I’ll give them to you before you leave.”

The female lead had begun coughing up flowers dramatically on the screen, and you felt a sense of bitterness at the sight of it. You had seen this one already. She’d die in the end, right before the male lead could confess that he fell for her instead. It was the dramatic tragedy of someone suffering for their love. Talking to Joshua had been enough to push that thought out of your mind: you’d get the procedure done to remove your own flowers. The harder part, and maybe the part people didn’t talk about often, was the way to cut someone out. You’d read articles both for people like you and for people trying to get out of toxic situations in general.

They said that you didn’t owe anyone an explanation. To do it publicly to keep yourself safe. That this was a process you had to go through, too, and that it was okay to dwell... except for the timer you had on your own situation, but you still had a little more time. Some lists even said to block them entirely once everything was over, just to keep them away for good. Other people said to have a real talk with someone, to explain the situation to them in order to ensure your health in the future. Everyone said it was the hardest thing to do to tell someone that you loved them and that them not reciprocating meant you were struggling worse all because of stupid flowers in your lungs, but to make it clear that it wasn’t their fault (although you’d seen people bitter and angry on both sides, some claiming it was guilt-tripping, others claiming that it technically was their fault). There was a mature way to say “I love you, I know you don’t love me back, so we need to end this so that I can live” according to plenty of people. Some people said the distance helped once the conversation was over.

But every time you looked at Seungkwan, you felt an ache in your heart and a deeper one in your lungs.

“Does this ever bother you?” He said, not looking up. He picked up another piece of popcorn. “Seeing it treated like this?”

“It’s dramatic,” you shrugged. “People use illness all the time for stuff.”

“Still...” He sighed. “I can’t imagine what it feels like to be physically hurting like this. Heartbreak is hard enough. But coughing up flowers? Isn’t that worse?”

“It is,” you hummed. “That’s what my family said, at least.”

He sighed. “If this ever happens to you, I’m taking care of you until you recover. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Kwannie.”

He looked at you, offended. “I would be a great nurse! You know that,” he huffed.

You wanted to respond and say he couldn’t keep that kind of promise to you. But instead you turned over, watching the secondary male lead in a scene with his own love interest and the actual male lead eavesdropping. “What would your girlfriend think, hm?” You settled on teasing him, if nothing else but to shove your own feelings aside. “Taking care of someone else...”

“She knows I love my friends,” he said. And then you felt him smack your leg. “She’s not my girlfriend yet!”

“Yet.”

He looked sheepish at his slip of the tongue. “It feels a little too soon,” he said, turning back away from you. “I’ve known her for a while, but...”

“If you love her, you shouldn’t hesitate.” You curled up into yourself a little. “Life is short. What if something happens? You shouldn’t wait forever to tell someone how much they mean to you.”

“I know that,” he said, casual as could be. “That’s why I tell you all how much I love you.”

You cracked a small smile, almost telling him that he only did that because he was a big softie who loved all his friends (and liked being told in return that he was loved, too). Seungkwan was always the most physically touchy of your friend circle: that was why he was either hanging off of you or Vernon most of the time, more than content to be snuggled up to your arm or hugging you from behind during casual moments. It’s something that’s made both of you be mistaken for Seungkwan’s partner, sure, but you were always able to laugh it off both before and after you developed feelings for him.

(There was one instance of the two of you playing up the dramatics when someone tried to tell you that your boyfriend was cheating on you with the other person. Vernon had mouthed for you to slap him, and you’d stormed off only to meet back up in the car with a incredibly flustered Seungkwan who swore he couldn’t take the two of you anywhere anymore.)

“Yeah,” you said, half-heartedly as realization hit you again that these moments were fleeting. Soon you wouldn’t be able to see him anymore, not for prolonged moments. You couldn’t risk the flowers coming back once they were gone. “Love you, too, Seungkwan.”

Maybe one day you’d tell him just how much before you lost the feeling entirely.

You’d set the date. You’d gone in for the visit your surgeon had requested, which was primarily for them to take a new x-ray to check the progress. In another world, you’d be looking at the flowers on that results sheet and thinking that it was a pretty art project. But the reality of the situation was that the disease had progressed, and you’d be going in on Friday to have them surgically removed. Your parents had already come into the city with a hotel room booked for the week (the downside of your apartment with Seokmin being so small: you sure as hell weren’t going to boot him from his own room despite his offer, and your parents would rather stay somewhere closer to the hospital). You’d had dinner with them yesterday night after your appointment, talking through everything with them. Although your father would never know the feelings your mother described to you, he had been supportive as he could be while she talked you through the procedure for the third time since that first phone call.

Which was why you were now, on Wednesday, waiting for Seungkwan... and Vernon and Chan. Seokmin was sitting next to you, happy to play moral support as you broke the news. You’d figured everything out: you’d tell them about the procedure, and then ask for a day with Seungkwan tomorrow in order to experience something nice before you were stuck in the hospital for your recovery period. Except for the past where you broke the news that you could never see him again, that you loved him, and that you treasured your friendship and would never hold it against him that he didn’t reciprocate. Maybe Vernon and Chan would never speak to you again, too, but that was a fallout for later you.

Except you could see Vernon and Chan walking up to the restaurant without Seungkwan, and you knew for a fact that they would have come together.

“Seungkwan couldn’t make it,” Chan had said as he took his seat. “Didn’t he text you?”

(He did: his sister was in the city for the day and he rarely got to see her, so he apologized and said he’d talk to you tomorrow. You just hadn’t heard your phone go off, or you would have left with Seokmin far earlier and figured out something else.)

Seokmin could see the panic on your face. He said your name, hand grazing your arm as you pushed it away.

“I’m fine,” he said.

He lowered his voice, albeit it was useless considering how close the other two were, “You’re supposed to be taking it easy now. Panicking only makes it worse--”

“Makes what worse?” Chan asked, looking between the two of you. “Wait. Are you dying?”

“No--” You said, and at the worst fucking possible moment, you began to cough. “Shit.”

Seokmin reached for the napkins as you shielded yourself as best as you could, flower petals falling in a thick clump into the white napkin. The petals, while on your medication, were rare. Not gone entirely, and of course they’d pick this moment to act up.

Vernon stared at you, hand groping through the air until it hit Chan’s arm. “Dude.”

You could practically see two bulbs light up above each guy’s head. “Don’t tell Seungkwan.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘don’t tell Seungkwan’?!” To your surprise, Vernon had raised his voice a little. He immediately lowered it after nodding in apology to the other patrons, “you have Hanahaki! You could die if--”

“My surgery’s on Friday,” you said, “so technically I won’t die.”

“That’s beside the point!” Chan stared at you. “You’re--Why didn’t you tell us sooner?! How long have you known?!”

You said nothing. Seokmin only looked at you.

“A few weeks,” you finally confessed. “But I’m fine and I’m getting them removed, so I’ll be fine. Just... I wanted to tell Seungkwan myself.” I needed to tell him I love him before I don’t remember feeling it anymore.

Vernon knew you, though. Chan might be a little oblivious at times, but Vernon had observed you and Seungkwan enough to know. He tore his eyes away from your own, and you could hear him mumble something about how this was awful timing. The thought made your chest ache.

This was awful timing? For who? For Seungkwan? Sure, you were pretty much dying right now and having to make sure you didn’t choke to death on flowers in your sleep--But, fuck, this was inconvenient timing for Seungkwan apparently. If you had it your way, you wouldn’t have ever developed feelings for him. But Seungkwan was sweet. He was your close friend. He was the one who came over and nursed you back to health a year ago when you had the flu, even if he scolded you for not taking better care of your health.

He’d probably scold you now, too. Seungkwan would have told you off for not telling him sooner, and then he would probably have let you cry in his arms because of how terrified you were underneath everything. The procedure itself was safe: the aftermath could be anything. Meeting Joshua had confirmed that for you. What if you were like him one day? Still living with your roommate, unable to remember the reason behind the scars on your sides (or down the center of your chest--you shivered to imagine what that would mean for you, and you refused to bring that topic up to Jeonghan who clearly would rather not talk about it) without pain? You’d looked it up before: the pain was a psychological thing... or, at least, that was the leading theory. Joshua was rare, people were still researching it in full, but they said it was in the same vein as people who lived through trauma only to not remember a thing because they blocked it all out. A safety measure out of your own control.

(Sometimes you wonder whether Joshua even wanted to remember.)

Hanahaki tore people apart. The fact that you were more prone to it only made you angrier at the world, at the stupid flowers stuck in your lungs. At yourself for being so foolish to fall for Boo Seungkwan when he was only ever going to be your friend.

Vernon’s gaze softened as he watched you, so quiet and acting so much smaller. Like a child, almost: uncertain of what would come next, but with only so much guidance that you could fully understand. The swelling, the stiffness, the different feelings around your incisions. But what about what really came next? The empty feeling when you saw Seungkwan again unless you pulled yourself together to tell him that he couldn’t see you again. Not for long, not without risking yourself. He’d heard the stories and was lucky enough that his own instances of unrequited love were met with plenty of chocolate and nights with his friends, watching movies and giving him a space to feel and breathe and think.

“So what do you want us to do?”

You lifted your gaze from where you’d begun staring down into your lap, meeting Vernon’s eyes. “I...”

“We’re not gonna tell him,” he promised, despite the look Chan gave him. “I mean, that’s your thing, right? It’s your thing to tell, unless you want us to tell.”

You shook your head. “I’ll meet up with him tomorrow,” you said. “And I’ll tell him everything.”

Chan looked between the two of you, realization slowly swallowing him whole. “We’ll come visit,” he said quietly. “Is that okay?”

“It’s not a huge deal,” you shrugged. “I mean. It’s surgery, but they’ll probably keep me in for a few days of observation before I can go home. Just... Don’t send me flowers.”

It’s a weak joke, but it earned a smile from Chan. With that, you decided to shove the conversation aside for a meal with your friends instead. It felt comforting to pretend that everything was okay, as much as you wished Seungkwan was there with you. It’d be nice to hold his hand under the table for a minute, just to know that he cared about you still. That, even after you walk out of his life for good, he’d still care for you in the future.

It wasn’t until you were back in the passenger side of Seokmin’s car that you called Joshua and asked if he was busy. That night, the two of you were sitting in the Hong-Yoon apartment so you could have a cozy night. As much as you wanted to go out for dinner with your parents, you needed to stay away from surgery talk (and, unfortunately for you, that was how your mother calmed herself down: going over the procedure out loud to try and reassure both of you that everything was going to be fine). Joshua had an arm draped around your shoulders, blanketing you in his warmth as the four of you were watching some drama they’d found on Netflix.

Seokmin left to use the bathroom, and Jeonghan shifted over so that he’d be resting against Joshua’s other side. A moment later, he lifted his head, eyes meeting your own. “It’s going to be okay,” he reached out, hand finding your own for a reassuring squeeze. “I recovered well. You’ll be okay.”

Wordlessly, you snuggled further into Joshua’s chest now that you didn’t have Seokmin anchoring you from the other side, still holding Jeonghan’s hand for a moment longer. You shut your eyes for a moment, just listening to the sound of Joshua’s heartbeat. “Which one of you was first?”

Quiet. The sound of the movie felt so distant, a mere mumble of background noise as Jeonghan let out a long sigh.

“He was,” Jeonghan said. “I thought I’d be okay. Then we had to call our friend, Seungcheol, to help us.”

Joshua wrapped an arm around you. “Do you want me to be honest?”

You nodded.

“They still hurt sometimes,” he said. “The incisions. I can barely see them, but they’re still there.”

Suddenly, your stomach turned at the thought. You squeezed your eyes shut a little more. “I’m sorry--I know I brought it up, but can we drop this?”

Neither said anything. You merely curled up closer to the two people who’d been strangers until days ago, yet already felt so safe to be around. They felt like an escape from what you knew would come tomorrow. Even when Seokmin returned, curling up close to this bundle of limbs and shared trauma, you only felt safer.

Seungkwan had asked her to be his girlfriend. You only found out because he’d blasted it on every social media platform he was on, only tagged with the caption ‘day one ❤️‘ alongside a picture of the two of them silhouetted with the sunset in the background. Any other life and it’d be sweet. In this one, you merely felt bitter as you finally sent the text you’d been sitting on all day.

it’s really important. can we meet at the usual spot?

The moment he gave you his confirmation, you left your apartment. The park wasn’t too far from where you lived, although you’d always prefer to take the bus to it instead. With your coat pulled over your hoodie, you made the trek by foot instead. This used to be your picnic spot with Seungkwan, although you could easily see him going on dates there instead. As much as you wanted to be happy for him, the stupid ache in your lungs and the tickle of petals that eternally seemed to be plaguing you (at least it would be until you took your last dose of medicine before surgery--a smaller one than what you usually took to avoid complications, but enough that you’d be able to sleep easily) served as a cruel reminder of what would never be. That this would be the end.

Yet you saw him sitting on that stupid bench the two of you always met at, the glow of a streetlamp bathing him in light and making him look stupidly radiant. Or maybe that was what love could do to a person. The moment he saw you, he stood up, coming to hug you tight.

“Vernon said you’re having surgery tomorrow,” he said once he stepped back, hands holding your own. “Is it true?”

... At this point, you couldn’t be surprised Vernon would at least let that slip. Maybe he’d been debating coming to see you, and Vernon told him outright how important it was.

His fingers tangled with your own as he brought you to the bench, sitting down next to you. “Is it serious?” He paused, and then vaguely gestured toward his mouth and throat, “is it... you know?”

Seungkwan knew of your family history. You’d lamented it to him forever ago, saying that you hoped you’d be lucky enough to be spared by it. When you nodded, his gaze softened tremendously.

“Do they know?”

You don’t, you almost wanted to say. It’s you. I’m sorry. “I don’t know if I want to tell him.”

“Do I know them?”

You shook your head, unable to verbally lie to him.

He stared ahead, visibly upset. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t notice it sooner. I’ve just...”

He’d been falling for someone else more and more with each day. Deep down, you couldn’t blame him for that. If you didn’t know someone was going through it, you’d probably be blissfully doing the same.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you,” he said a moment later. “Are you scared?”

“Terrified.” You tucked your hands into your hoodie pockets, leg bouncing. “I don’t know how I’m going to react.”

Seungkwan was good at faking smiles when things were rough, just to try and instill some confidence into someone who needed it. “You’ll pull through,” he squeezed your knee gently, and he left his hand there. “You’re strong. And... and when you get out, we’ll go out. Just the two of us. I’ll pay for our meal, and you can pick, and... and it’ll be thanks for helping me while you were struggling.”

Something about how genuine he sounded squeezed your heart tight, almost as if it’d pop with just a little more pressure. You looked up, “Seungkwan, I...”

I love you. I know you don’t love me back, and it’s okay. I’m sorry our friendship has to end like this.

And then he smiled at you, a little more genuine than before, just to reassure you. “It’ll be okay,” he said again, clueless to the storm inside of you.

Your words died in your throat. Instead, you just bit back your tears as you dove forward, hugging him tight. “I love you,” you said, a confession you couldn’t make directly to his face. “Thank you for being a good friend.”

His arms wound around you after a moment, squeezing you tight. “You’re not going to die, you know,” he said, laughing just a little. “It’s a safe procedure. I’ll see you when you wake up. Okay?”

Drifting back from him, you lied again, “Yeah. I’ll... I’ll see you then.”

With one truth spilling from your lips about going home and getting proper rest, the two of you parted ways. Despite the fact it only served to make your lungs ache worse, you jogged the way home. The sooner you were inside, the better. With the door shut and secured behind you, you let out a long sigh and then a groan of frustration at backing out yet again. You’d been pulling your jacket off when you heard Seokmin call out your name.

“Did you tell him?”

You sniffled hard, already feeling those tears welling back up. He opened his arms to you, and you almost tripped over yourself rushing to him as you broke down crying.

“I-I couldn’t,” you said between sobs.

And Seokmin could do nothing else but hold you tight, head resting against your own as he sheltered you through your storm.

Everything felt fuzzy.

The anesthesia hadn’t fully worn off by the time you were a little more awake. You’d answered their questions as best as you could while your head still felt full of clouds, but the procedure had been a success. The flowers were gone to good, likely going to get tossed out with the other waste and burned. Your mother recognized how completely out of it you still were, but you could see the relief on her face that you were okay. It took the sound of your dad gently coaxing her for her to agree to come back when you were far more lucid and well-rested.

At some point, Seokmin came in to see you. You barely remembered the encounter, but you stared at the teddy bear that sat nearby with a card being held between its plush paws (thanks to Seokmin’s efforts). It wasn’t from him, you’d later discover, but from Joshua and Jeonghan wishing you well (and making promises to see you again once you were discharged, maybe while you were recovering if they could make it during visiting hours).

Three days into your stay, you were fully aware and alert... and also recognizing the annoying tinge of pain that came from your incisions every single time you moved or even breathed. You could breathe clearer now, sure, but the ache was annoying nonetheless. Your doctor had been kind to you, understanding how tiring it could be to recover from the procedure. Your nurse, a tall kind man named Wonwoo, had taken your vitals. So when you heard a knock on your door, you were sure it was either whatever breakfast you were getting (you barely remembered your own order now), or your parents.

And after you called out for whoever it was to come in, you were met with Vernon’s face. He stopped where he stood, staring at you for a moment before apologizing and saying he wasn’t sure what to do. Chan was with him, too, hugging a big teddy bear that was clutching a ‘get well soon’ heart.

“You said not to send you flowers,” Chan said as he made his way over to you, and you accepted the stuffed animal with a thanks. “It was my idea.”

“Our idea,” Vernon rolled his eyes. Then he stopped, looking at the open door. “You wanted to see them. They’re awake.”

The guy that Vernon had been talking to walked into the room, pushing the door shut with an apology for hesitating. He started rambling about how he didn’t know whether you’d want so many people crowding you at once, sitting down at the edge of your bed as he started asking how you were doing. Were the flowers gone? Was the staff taking care of you? If you needed someone to speak on your behalf while your parents were gone, he would happily do it for you.

Vernon noticed the confused look on your face as this guy--friendly as he might be--kept talking to you. You’d answered his questions, sure, but you could see the way this stranger’s heart was visibly breaking in his eyes. His smile fell, and Vernon nudged him out of the way so that he could sit and talk to you for a few minutes.

“Is there anything we can do for you? I mean, we were gonna pool together for one of those edible arrangements, but I wasn’t sure if your doctor was gonna restrict any of it...”

Chan had apologized, saying he needed a cup of coffee--it was too early for him--and he left with the other guy.

Vernon pushed himself back into your field of vision, and you felt yourself flounder a little for words. “No restrictions,” you said, brain still catching up as you had questions. “Sorry, Vernon, do I know him--”

He shook his head. “Nope. Just, uh... Rest up,” he patted your thigh. “I’ll see you when you get out, yeah?”

When he stepped back into the hallway, it was to the sound of Seungkwan sobbing. Chan had already gone to him, holding him and waving off any concerned staff that had probably seen this kind of thing before.

One of his best friends didn’t recognize him at all. He knew that that meant when it came to Hanahaki.

Chan had patted his back gently. “It’s not your fault you moved on,” he said quietly. “You didn’t know. None of us knew they liked you back--”

Vernon could feel his heart sink in his chest as he made his way over. His own future with you (as well as Chan’s) was in the air--both knowing the weight of keeping you in their lives could lead to future pain for both you and Seungkwan. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I told you--”

But Seungkwan shook his head, the weight of his own decisions beginning to suffocate him. “You were right,” he started to walk away, his heart breaking all over again. “I shouldn’t have come.”

taglist: @twancingyunhao @synthetickitsune @wonuziex

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #seventeen angst #seungkwan angst #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan x you #boo seungkwan x reader #boo seungkwan x you

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sebfreak · 1 year ago

Text

Watashi no Shiawase na Kekkon or My happy marriage Ep4:

M gosh this episode was a rollercoaster. First crying because of sadness, then because of anger and then because of happiness. IT´S ENOUGH!!! No more crying ( i say but I know i will cry again)

I really love how they play with the colors in this anime. <3 It´s always so perfect and shows us Miyos emotions in another way without many words.

I love that she tries to come out more and now she wants to gift him something back for his comb he gave to her. It takes courage and self confidence to take this step and I´m so proud of her. <3

XD I really love how he worries about her. And he doesn´t see her as a child, more like... she is important to him, so he doesn´t wanna see her getting hurt anymore.

It´s nothing important here but I really love his clothes. Like really. <3

Okay, tbh I had a lot of screenshots of this scene but I decided to use only one. Because first I do not wanna infect my post with her character. (my posts should be more positive lol) Her meeting in the manga raged me so much but seeing it in the anime was on another level. Do you know the feeling when you are so angry that you feel relaxed and tired but in your head you think: "Omg she should just..."???? Because this was my reaction. She is such a poor damn bitch. Poor, you asked. Well... her entire life revolves around Miyo although she doesn´t like her... more like she hates her, so she wishes her every bad thing. Then she doesn´t wanna have her in her life but then all she can think about is, how Miyo is and what bad things she witnessed in her new home. So she is obsessed with her big sister and this is so sick. Her fucking ugly smile while she talks to her sister and assumes, because Miyo has her used clothes on, that nobody cares about her and she is abandoned again. Her face says it all. Like girl... you are a damn psychopath. It´s always so surprising to me that people can hate a person so much, run around and say: "Oh I don´t care what happens to them!" and then they care so much about it. XD I don´t get this logic tbh. But you need to have a really boring life if your entire hobby revolves around a person you hate so much. (yeah yeah it´s a fictional story and I know it) but the sad thing is (and oh boy this is why I love this story so much) these characters are not exaggerated. They are out there and I love to see them in a story. Btw (because I really do not wanna talk about these bitches anymore in this post) I do not care when people will use her as a puppet to get Miyo. I will not feel sad about it. Maybe all these people will bite each other off, that would be the best solution tbh.

And also the scene in which she sees Miyos finance (Koudou-san) the first time is so ugly. Yes, she is right "he is beautiful" but this is the only thing she sees about him, so she is head over heels. This is another difference between her and Miyo. Miyo doesn´t see only the beauty in humans or things. She likes to have deep connection to them. While this bitch only sees the beauty in it and is only searching for her own advantage. This is her life, this is how she was raised and this her only goal because she likes to play this kinda role.

YES!!! This my man. Okay no... he is Miyos man, I´m sorry. XD But I like him so much. Go and tell them. He is so brave and it´s so good that he visited them and showed them how much he cares about Miyo. It was about time if you ask me. They really thought they could throw her out of the house like trash and she would be out of their life for eternity. But naaahhhhh at the end of the day we can all say "Thank you" to them that they abandoned her because she found a new warm home. On the other hand they should get punished for everything they did to her. So it was a wonderful move of him to point out that he knows everything what they did to Miyo. He knows about her abusement, he knows it and he won´t be silent about it. Because in the end he isn´t a cold and brutal man. He stands for respect and justice.

It´s the last thing they can do and yet they have to think about it. I really wanna puke on this shitty family. But in their eyes they did nothing wrong and everything was for a reason. It´s always the case that these type of people do not see the crimes they did.

The thing I said in the last post about self hatred (or was the post before that? I don´t know but I pointed it out somewhere). This is the perfect example. Everybody is giving her the fault for everything, so she starts believing it and hates herself for being like that. Psychological abusement and it´s not easy to come out of it. It´s important to have people around her who give her back her self confidence she has lost, but it will take some time. And little situations like that can throw her back in her black dark room in which she sits and can´t escape. I really really like how they pictured it and described it because this is one of the many things how you behave and feel if you have self hatred. There are many more and every human is experiencing another situation but we can all agree that they feel trapped and lost.

I love it that many more people are coming to Miyo and try to help her. Also her present for Kudou is so beautiful. <3 Also it was a very good move to invite the maid who was on Miyos side while had to live in this abusing family.

JUST SAY YOU LOVE HER!!!!! XDDDD Nah it´s okay, I can wait a little bit longer. And I love that they take small steps instead of one big step. It´s totally okay for me that they take their time. <3 Because I can appreciate every warm feeling they share, no matter how small they seem. So to ask her to stay with him in this big house, is really wonderful. A person is opening their arms to invite Miyo and say: "It´s okay if you don´t have powers. You are more than that and I really like you with or without it." (aawwww I love it so much <3)

And to end my long post, I will show you these two blushing. Awwwww ... I´m too single for this anime, but It´s so wonderful. :D GIVE ME MORE!!!!

#watashi no shiawase na kekkon #my happy marriage #kiyoka kudou #miyo saimori

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mermaidsirennikita · 10 months ago

Note

sorry if this is an uncomfortable ask

but do you have any good dubcon recs?

Not uncomfortable! If done well I'm actually a fan of it.

Historical:

Scandal's Bride by Stephanie Laurens. A MAJOR new favorite of mine. The heroine is this "Lady of the Vale" which means she gets visions from her goddess. The goddess sends her a vision of a man who she says will father the heroine's children, the hero shows immediately after, and our heroine is dismayed because though she wants an heir, she also wants to be a single pringle. Her solution is to drug the hero so that he thinks he's dreaming during their encounter and leaves without realizing what happened. It's... really good. He does realize what's up after the first encounter, but pretends he doesn't lol. He's actually semi-delighted by how crazy she is, and to be fair he does sorta do a reverse uno because the next two encounters, she thinks he won't remember? But he's FULLY in it.

Once More, My Darling Rogue by Lorraine Heath. The hero and heroine have a combative relationship; she's super bitchy to him, especially because he was born lower class (and then adopted by a duke and duchess, see Lorraine's Surrender to the Devil for his childhood origin story). It's a retelling of Overboard! so she falls into a canal or something, he finishes her out, he realizes she has total amnesia, and he tells her she's his housekeeper... thinking he'll stop soon. He doesn't. When they do finally get to it, I'd definitely call it dubcon because she has no idea what their actual past history is. (And she is pretty upset, understandably, when she finds out.)

The Earl Takes All by Lorraine Heath. I mean, this is another "deception" situation. Edward pretends to be his dead twin because Gorilla Twins and comes back to Julia thinking he's not going to touch her... But she touches him thinking he's her husband... And he.... returns that. Because it's his code! He can't NOT reciprocate!

A Kingdom of Dreams by Judith McNaught. Hero is English, heroine is Scottish, he kidnaps her and they actually have an initial little romance, before things separate them and make them total enemies. Their first encounter is totally coercive, and sorta vengeance based--I think he's basically keeping her from seeing her sick friend or sister (who isn't actually that sick) unless she submits

The Courtesan Duchess by Joanna Shupe. The heroine and heroine married 6-7 years before, he had no desire to marry her and left for the Continent to party and sleep around without consummating it. Now she needs heir for legal/money reasons. He doesn't have a strong memory of her, so she trains as a courtesan and totally changes her appearance, seducing him so that he sleeps with and gets her pregnant. It does work. And she does come home to him, after he finds out, sitting in the dark, smoking a cheroot, and going "THE OTHER SHOE JUST DROPPED".

I think Elizabeth Lowell's medieval trilogy has this in every book, tbh.

Untamed: The hero is just generally really pushy and dominating, and it's an arranged marriage situation where he's kind of The Worst but also The Best.

Forbidden: Another situation where like, everyone is enjoying themselves, but it's not exactly kosher on the consent friend. And I would say that one of the later encounters, where he's super mad at her, is explicitly dubious. He's basically like "I don't want to touch you" so she begins touching (among other things) him while he tries to keep from reacting (and fails).

Enchanted: This one is a bit more uncomfy because the heroine actually is recovering from a legit noncon assault from another man, though the hero (her arranged husband) doesn't know this and just thinks she's frigid. He doesn't really push her on that front from what I remember, but like... she gets sick, and there's this sort of like, dreamy sleep situation where there's a magical blanket (?) involved, and I think they BOTH think it's a dream deal, but they've actually been sort of drugged.

His at Night by Sherry Thomas. The hero and heroine totally hate each other when they marry (she tried to compromise his brother into marrying her, ended up compromising him, so he thinks she's the worst; he's a spy pretending to be stupid, so she's like "God I'm stuck with him???") and I remember the initial consummation being very "grin and bare it" dubious.

It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas. BUT OF COURSE. Lillian gets super drunk, and though she does experience her first time with Westcliff, she thinks it's a dream until she wakes up and he's like "was it as good for you as it was for me?" (He knows it was.) Lisa edited this out of more recent versions, including the ebook versions, so you would have to pick up an earlier physical copy of the book. Personally, I love it. I love the scene. I get why other people don't, and they can read the other version (though I think the editing is incredibly clumsy).

PNR:

The Warlord Wants Forever by Kresley Cole. This is a novella, the first IAD book. The setup is that Kresley's vampires don't have a heartbeat (and therefore no blood flow) until they meet their Bride (gender neutral, and I'm not joking--she's done a m/m vampire book, and the term Bride seems to end up being implicitly applied to the other hero, which I find kinda cool). This means they... It's not that they don't have a response, but it can't physically.... be achieved. And once it happens, the must... complete it... and he can only do it through the heroine's touch. So the heroine is the hero's Bride, she purposefully likes to tease vamps and kill them. She fails to kill him because Attraction, but she does leave him wanting for FIVE YEARS. He finds her at that point, and grabs this chain she keeps around her waist, which nobody else has been able to remove, and when you hold the chain you can command her to do anything and she mUST comply.

He has fun with that.

A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole. This is borderline total noncon, but there's some "her body wanted it" stuff to sorta cancel that out. The hero recognizes the heroine as his mate, is essentially really mad that she's a vampire because vamps have tortured him in eternal flame for 150 years (you get it) and within the first chapters he takes her into the shower and makes her... relieve him... in exchange for a phone call to her family. I mean, he does reciprocate! There's also some light sleep stuff.

Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole. Sabine kidnaps Rydstrom because she's his fated mate and her brother wants her to have Rydstrom's heir as a part of the Evil Plot. Rydstrom does need to consent to the actual act because he needs to recite some vows and marry Sabine first so that the kid is legitimate. And he won't, lol. So she chains him up and torments him in an attempt to make it happen. (Fwiw, Rydstrom also chains Sabine up and does the same thing later as "parity" so it goes both ways.)

Lothaire by Kresley Cole. Lothaire and Ellie have a lot of encounters that aren't, but there is at least one where she's does the "no until it's yes" thing, and he for sure just charges on.

Contemporary:

Bass-Ackwards by Eris Adderly. I'm a little ambivalent on this (not because of the dubcon) but it's very popular and I overall found it fun. Basically, it kicks off with the heroine asking for some time off and her boss saying "yes, in exchange for X favor" (more than a favor tbh) and she agrees lol. Goes from there.

Act Your Age by Eve Dangerfield. The reason why I'd classify this as dubcon is because the heroine thinks she's doing stuff with another person, but it's actually her manager. However, he does not intentionally take advantage. He thinks she understands what's happening, but it's very dark (like visually, the lights are off), there are extenuating circumstances, etc. From there, once they realize what's happening, there is no more.

Edit: HOW COULD I FORGET???

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli. Enzo and Gia's first few encounters happen when she's literally chained to his bed and cannot actually like... consent. She does eventually but not until after he's gotten the party started, as it were. She does love every minute of it! And of course, there's the scene where he chases her down through the boat until they're in his office and... she is very "OH NO!!!!" about it outwardly.... and less so inwardly.

Fantasy:

The Winter King by C.L. Wilson. The hero and heroine are actually both pretty much unable to consent. It's an arranged marriage, and unbeknownst to either of them, her dad drugged their drinks to make them... very excited. So it's dubious on both sides.

#romance novel blogging #romance novels #book recs #tbh a lot of IAD has shades of it due to the fated mates thing #imo it's hard to do fated mates right without at least one 'my mind's telling me no but my body...' moment

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sclfish · 3 months ago

Note

heina for the couple meme ☺️

who hogs the duvet

my gut reaction was the man who is perpetually freezing, however, i feel like he would just be so against the idea of being called a blanket hog that he'd go too far the other end with it and just wind up blanket-less and shivering instead, to prove a point, a refusal of being seen as spoiled or too cozy because god forbid he allows himself comfort. i think reina would probably catch on pretty quick though and make sure he's bundled in, probably using the excuse of wanting him to spoon her so that he's close enough to where she can make sure he's covered, and that he can feel like he's doing her a favor, instead of the going through the horrors of getting like, bare minimum pampering. (but also reina actually did want him spooning her, so win-win).

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

i think they both do, but initially it would be more harley. nothing wild, just like a simple "u good?" every so often, but i think reina would maybe be worried about bothering him at first, since she knows he's not super upfront with talking about his feelings, and it would be more so just maybe pictures of things she sees during her day, just kind of showing she's thinking about him, rather than directly just asking if he's okay or not, and being able to tell how he's doing based on his reaction.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

i think reina would be better with getting harley just the right present, like a jacket he saw once and wanted but didn't buy because he doesn't deserve nice things, but i think harley would maybe be more creative, since reina's probably the only person he's ever getting gifts for, so he would have the ability to put more time into it, and make things really sentimental because he's a sap at heart, and i could see him making her a book of all the poems he's secretly written about her over the years or some shit like that.

who gets up first in the morning

harley. he's not a morning person, he's still just as much of a grump, but he gets up pretty early.

who suggests new things in bed

reina. harley is super vanilla (when he's not a literal lust demon lol) and generally doesn't steer too far from just like, basic positions and stuff, primarily because he doesn't really trust most of the people he's been intimate with enough to try new things like that with them.

who cries at movies

probably reina, if either of them, though harley might get a little teary eyed if something hits a little too close to home.

who gives unprompted massages

probably harley, i can definitely see him just giving reina a little back rub or foot massage at the end of a long day.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

reina. harley is such a baby when he's sick, refusing to admit he's sick, or that he needs taking care of, so she would probably have to physically stay there with him and make sure he's staying in bed and resting.

who gets jealous easiest

reina. 👀 even if harley is more likely to admit to jealousy when he does feel it.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

i think harley listens to like, hard metal or classical and nothing in between tbh, so maybe reina? though that in itself is kind of embarrassing lmao

who collects something unusual

it would have to be reina by default, if either of them, considering harley has pretty much just a singular backpack of possessions to his name by choice

who takes the longest to get ready

reina, though harley might still drag his feet to get out the door, depending on where they're going

who is the most tidy and organised

harley's lowkey a germaphobe, and that, combined with a lack of possessions, probably makes it him? but i feel like reina would be more organized scheduling-wise and that sort of thing

who gets most excited about the holidays

externally, reina, i'm sure, but i think harley would have a nicer time than he lets on, even if he's complaining about the sun in his eyes

who is the big spoon/little spoon

harley is definitely big spoon

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

i can absolutely see this being reina, and i think harley would find it super cute, so he'd put more effort in just so he'd have the opportunity to see her getting competitive, even if he didn't care that much about winning

who starts the most arguments

harley. usually when he's feeling upset about something, and would rather deal with feeling anger instead of sadness or hurt

who suggests that they buy a pet

reina. harley would be against it, and then become besties with the thing like two days later

what couple traditions they have

probably something involving getting tiramisu, maybe on their anniversary?

what tv shows they watch together

i could see reina getting harley into some sort of romantic show that he's totally against at first (much like the pet), but winds up heavily invested in. maybe a period piece of some kind.

what other couple they hang out with

none, if harley can help it 🫢

how they spend time together as a couple

i think there's a lot of parallel play going on lol, like reina working on some music while harley just sits near her and reads, just enjoying each other's company in a more low-effort way

who made the first move

harley, but it was a "joke" just in case she wasn't into it

who brings flowers home

i feel like harley is a singular rose kind of guy, he would just put one in a vase and leave it on reina's nightstand

who is the best cook

i think harley's really good at sort of staple meals, but i doubt he has much experience in anything fancy, since he's spent most of his life just cooking for one, but reina would be better at things that are a little more creative than just grilled cheese or casserole

#[ ✿ ] : user ➜ jangyeevns ™#[ ✿ ] : ship ➜ harley & reina ™#[ ✿ ] : muse ➜ harley ™

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gemini-sensei · 2 years ago

Note

When you have time can you do single mom reader with robby

Robby Keene x Chubby!Single-Mom!Reader

Fem!Reader ○ in this, there's no school fight; everyone is cool with each other (even though they're only mentioned in passing lol) ○ this is angsty tbh

Tagging @sensei-venus because they said Robby would be clueless as to what to do with babies and I agreed, so I included some of that.

Robby unceremoniously met Reader at school. They were classmates, sometimes they worked together on an assignment, maybe they said hey to each other in the halls, but that's about it. It's nothing special and there's no reason to make a big deal out of it, especially since Robby dropped out of school and was seemingly never to be heard from again.

Yep, they met when Robby still went to school in North Hills. Again, pretty unceremonious. No one can even say they were friends.

They meet again a year later when Reader transfers schools, but she looks a little different. She's always been a little on the chubby side, but when Robby sees her again, she has fuller hips and bigger tits; her belly is a little bigger, too. Of course he doesn't say any of that out loud, they're just observations he makes as they get reacquainted.

He approaches her because he thinks it'll help her, and him, acclimate to the knew school if they have a familiar face around. Though they weren't friends before, she's happy to see Robby again. She stays as close as she can to him, as he seems to know a handful of other students and she knows no one. She soon becomes friends with his friends.

As time goes on, he gets a very nurturing and comfortable vibe from her. He doesn't know if that was her energy before, but he's into it. It gives him some comfort he missed out on as a kid. However, he doesn't think anything of it. He just thinks she has a nice vibe, something akin to what he'd say Moon gives off.

But then she starts missing school days at a time. She doesn't respond to texts often and when she does it's usually at odd hours, and they're very vague. It sets off alarm bells in his head because it's obvious she's hiding something. What if she's sick? Or she's doing something dangerous and/or illegal? His mind is reeling. He's grown feelings for Reader and he wants the best for her.

When she comes to school one day, she looks very tired. She's quiet, too, which troubles Robby even more. So he asks her what's up, but she tries to shrug it off and say it's nothing. He's not buying it though, so he lays it out for her: he just wants to help her however he can because she's his friend and he cares about her.

It works and she tells him she's been struggling because she's had a baby recently and her regular babysitter quit, so she has to be at home a lot now. It's clearly stressing her out. She starts rambling about how she's been thinking about just dropping out because she can't find another regular sitter and she starts crying because she doesn't understand the content she's been missing in school.

Robby is honestly freaked out that she has a baby. It's not because of anything she's done, but his own poor childhood and his lack of experience with children, let alone babies. However, he meant what he said about being there for Reader, so he consoles her and tells her that it's gonna be okay. Something can be figured out to help her get all her ducks in a row. She doesn't know how that'll work, but he's committed to helping her and by God he's gonna figure it out.

He goes with her to the counselor and helps her explain what's been going on. He's so good at putting his words together when he wants sympathy, he was a bit of a con artist after all, so he's able to garner sympathy from the school staff for Reader real quick. He also offers to be the one to help her get caught up in all her classes, he'll even tutor her. He's all in for her and commits to the action plan before understanding what all is involved...

Like going to Reader's house to help her with her coursework. Her house, where her baby is...

He's ill prepared to meet her child, but when push comes to shove, he powers through it. He doesn't know how to act around the little baby, who's only just gotten strong enough to sit up on their own. She has this baby, who's helpless to and curious about everything. This baby who stares at him with big eyes while sucking on a pacifier as they try to do math.

Then Reader has to go to the bathroom and asks him if he can hold the baby while she leaves the room for a minute. He can't even really answer before she's passing him the child and hurrying off to the bathroom. He freezes, completely stiff and unaware of what to do. He's holding the child by the sides, dumbstruck. He stares at the baby, who stares back at him, just sucking on the pacifier.

Then the little baby looks around and notices Mama is gone. Robby sees the emotion in their big eyes change and he knows what's coming next.

The pacifier falls out of their mouth and they're screaming at the top of their lungs before the piece of plastic hits the floor.

He starts freaking out, trying to shush the baby and calm them down, watching fat tears roll down their chubby baby cheeks as they wail. He doesn't know what to do, but he tries telling them that their mama is gonna be right back, but of course that doesn't work. He's rubbing their back while trying to find the pacifier, but he can't even see it. Nothing he does seems to help.

Eventually he puts the baby against his chest and stands up, trying to bounce them like he's seen done somewhere before, maybe. He's still shushing them and cooing to them that they're okay, everything's okay (even though he feels like everything is not okay).

Before he knows it, the baby starts to calm down and clings to his shirt. They wipe their face on his shirt, the tears and snot uncomfortable on their little face, and Robby doesn't even care. He's just glad they stopped crying.

Reader comes back not long thereafter, rushing to them with apologies spilling out of her mouth. She takes her little one and cradles them close to her, rocking and bouncing them gently as she assures them that Mama's there. She looks at Robby and apologizes profusely, but he stops her and tells her that it's okay, really.

But it's still super stressful for her and he can see how close to tears she is. So he hugs her and tells her that it's okay; he tells her she's doing great and that she's a good mom, because she needs the reassurance. She's young, she's still figuring it out, but damn she's doing so well and he knows that because her baby loves her so much. And she needs to know all that, so he tells her and makes sure she knows.

I can do a part two to this if anyone would like that.

#robby keene x chubby reader #robby keene x reader #robby keene #robby keene headcanons #single mom reader #cobra kai #cobra kai headcanons #cobra kai x reader #cobra kai x chubby reader #cobra kai x plus size reader #chubby reader #plus size reader #slight angst #angst headcanons #gemini sensei

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sarahnotjmaas · 1 year ago

Text

Kingdom of Ash

Struggling to get into this one

Awww Rowan and aelins babies

This book feels like all my sweet babies are grown up 😭

Omfg is Yrene pregnant?? Is this the book they all have babies? Idk if I’m gonna like that

Dorian is gonna learn how to shift!! Wait last fall? This all happened so fast! 8 books of drama in like two years?? Jesus

I’m 100 pages in and needing more!! The last two books ended with so much action to be had it feels like nothing is happening!

Okay Manon is looking for a way to connect with the Cochran and her great grandma literally told her ‘we got our fire cuz Brannon GALATHYNIYS gave it to our queen your great great great great great grandma’ and you’re literally allied with Aelin Galathynius….. I read that and said ‘whoop there it is’

Yay Aelin is back!! Taking her scars is FUCCKKKED

I have been slacking on note taking but I’m like 400 pages in now and Aelin and Yrene finally met!!!!! I’m so ready for Aelin to start kicking ass again!

Oh and I hope Lysandra is okay….

So many story lines finally coming together!

Queen of witches🥹

Okay I’m getting sick of Aelin not using her power!! People are DYING Aelin! Get it together miss ma’am

When is it gonna be revealed that Elide had dope powers? I know it’s gonna happen

Okay Elide your man just got cut down, now would be the time to be a powerful badass

What a stupid reason for Aelin to not be using her powers. You’re literally at war lol

Manon and Dorian always get me!!! Ugh she loves him and just wants him to stay and not sacrifice himself!! Me toooooo!!

Forget any bad thing I’ve ever said about Elide and Lorcan, they’re precious 😭😭😭

Why doesn’t Yrene use the tower to cure all the valg

Don’t ask me why I go over huge plot points and don’t feel the need to document my emotions but Lorcan gives Elide a foot rub and I’m 😯🤭📝✍️ But seriously me too girl, a man giving you a foot rub is sensual as hell iykyk lol

The way that could’ve been so hot and SJM just blue balls the shit out of the reader. It’s fine I’m fine. She just got my heart racing just to go into one of Aelin’s fucked up nightmares 👍🏻 cool cool cool

Aelin and Dorian have all 3 word keys…

No one has died yet and I don’t want anyone to!!! I’m so scared I have 250 pages left, I know what feelings are coming for me I just don’t know why yet wait did Dorian learn how to use portals from Maeve!?!? Could he transport the army. My boy is the most powerful mf in the books

Not Abraxos. Bitch I’ll throw this book out the window. PETRAH!!!!! Bitch that was So badass fuck Iskra

Wtf!!!!! The entire 13!?!? No I fucking can’t wtf!!! Seriously what the fuck

Waaaahh😭Dorian and Chaol

They’re not wasting time on a vote… really?

I’m hyperventilating reading this unfold. Please don’t kill Dorian or Aelin for this stupid gate

‘My name is Aelin Ashryver Galathynius and I will not be afraid’ WAAAAAAHH 😭

The king saving Dorian and telling Aelin her parents are proud 🥲 I’m not ok

Snow capped mountains under shining stars. Where A winged Fae male stood beside a heavily pregnant female, gazing at those very stars. 👀👀👀👀

Wow Rhys saved her

Chapter 100 wow I’m so proud of myself

So quick recap: Stones are gone no longer in play and gate is shut meaning erawan can’t ever return to his brothers of bring them to him. BUT he and maeve are still strong scary muthafuckas who have like 100k soldiers a bunch of witches and 6 spider fuckers cool 👍🏻

Oh no Murtaugh

It’s about time Lysandra and Aedion! You’ve literally lived eachother for like 4 books now

Aelin has missed her entire war. It’s literally her war on her land and she’s been absent for like all of it.. I’m glad she saved Anielle but her own home needed her weeks ago

Darrow naming Evangeline his heir got me all teary eyed and shit

Omfg Gavriel!!!! No no no why do I even read SJM books they just hurt me

All the battle scenes are so bleak, they’re getting smeared in this war!! I don’t see how they’re going to pull through tbh I’m waiting for a big Aelin scheme but idk if I can take another 100+ pages of them getting they butts whooped

Ugh ‘And she will not be afraid’ that’s gonna stick with me forever

I’m so close! They did it! Chaols reading a letter from his mom and his wife literally saved the world 😭

I’m unwell.

#i did it #sarah j maas #celaena sardothien #throne of glass #sjm #heir of fire #aelin galythinius #dorian havilliard #chaol westfall #rowan whitethorn #sjm books #yrene westfall #erawan #Maeve #kingdom of ash #abraxos #manorian #manon blackbeak #manon crochan

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doomednarrative · 2 years ago

Note

hello, it's knife I'm going to be annoying as fuck <3 for the choosing violence ask; 2, 3, 4, 8, 16, 22, 25 Wow, i did like a math pattern in the middle there, go me <3

2. A compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Leon's too much of a loser with too little experience because of being government employed and never home that he wouldn't know what the fuck to do either way and tbh I'm not convinced that he isn't still a virgin. Unless his night he spent with Ada as mentioned in Damnation did actually consist of sex, in which I doubt he was the one in control of whatever position he was in anyways because he probably let her take the lead.

3. Screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

2 words: Yandere Leon. I wanted to reach thru my screen and throttle someone but instead I just blocked them.

4. What was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

This implies that there was only One annoying person lol there's been many. As far as who I have in mind tho I blocked someone for both liking Ashley/Leon and then for being just absolutely cunty to like multiple people in their replies despite being in their 30s and having a Fandom Elder complex about shit.

16. You can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Wesker. Just Wesker in general. And William Birkin. I don't think they're interesting, I think they're shitty eugenicists and I don't get the hype and I never will.

Also don't understand people who make Chris be like this massive dominating force when they write him in fics because like, yes despite the fact that he's a boulder puncher in canon, they also go Out Of Their Way to emphasize that he's an extremely compassionate person who can be gentle with people he truly cares about and who takes loses very personally, like. The guy isn't an Actual bolder, he's really quite caring when it comes down to it and I don't think he'd be overly dominating in a relationship unless his partner Asked for it.

22. Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

The fact that Chris is at least a semi competent musician considering he can parse out enough to play the piano in RE1 and has the guitar in his office in RE2, he just can't read sheet music so he probably taught himself by ear, which is impressive in it's own right. Never ever see enough fan art/fic of Chris being musically inclined.

Also like. Ashley. In General. People forget about her unless they're talking about her with Leon or they're complaining about her, and this happened both before and after the remake. I like Leon and Luis and them as much as the next guy but like Ashley gets sidelined so much which sucks.

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Every single fucking complaint about Ashley in both og and remake. If you suck that goddamn badly that she's constantly yelling it is a skill issue for you and you're telling on yourself that you're bad at the game. Yes she yells, she's a fuckin kidnapped civilian with a parasite in her system, don't tell me your ass wouldn't also be yelling for help if you were in her shoes. Please shut the fuck up about it.

#i love resident evil so much it is The Fandom outside of my select friend group that annoys me about it #ask game

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druggeddraccus · 2 years ago

Text

um. a lots happened.

4/5–i was sleeping for work and my mom called me at 230p. our neighbor had run over to our house and was banging on our door. her 3yr old daughter was lethargic, not acting right, dizzy, vomiting. neighbor had called 911, and once EMS got there she ran over to ours and my mom called to wake me up. i had no idea what was going on when i ran into their house EMS was bagging her daughter. they took daughter with ambulance and i drove my neighbor and her 11 day old new born to the hospital. i sat with the newborn in the car till the dad got there and then my brother in law drove me home since i had work that night

and then at work that night. god. it was so fucking stressful. way too much adrenaline for one day. i had a lady that was baker acted and she was getting agitated anxious wanting to leave. and she ran out of her room and toward the elevators. i chased after her and didn’t want to grab her by myself cause there wasn’t enough staff around for me to get her safely. one of the docs stopped her and then we got some meds ordered for her. and i was shaking at that point so one of my coworkers gave the med to her for me. after that she slept most of the night.

4/6–better night at work, still had baker act. she was much better this night. still getting angry/anxious but it was okay.

4/7–actually had a good night at work. we had 8nurse on (a rare occurrence—normally it’s 6, and then 7 if we’re lucky). they did destaff one nurse. super lucky though i kept 4 patients throughout the whole night. no admissions i guess everyone decided to stay home lol i got to read “frugal wizards” for a lot of the night it was nice

one thing that fuckign pissed me off my ex emailed me last night just before midnight. this awful emotionally manipulative fucking bullshit email. i pissed me off enough to want to respond. (i didn’t i blocked and deleted the email—but god was i close to it)

from the bullshit email:

“ I've dated two people after everything and honestly it makes me feel sick like I'm cheating on you or something..”

“know you are my soulmate.and knowing I fucked that up between us kills me and makes me feel angry at myself and upset that I did hurt you.”

and i was telling my mom and ashley about it. and it just pissed me off so much because i don’t even feel comfortable trying to pursue a relationship. i’m so full of anxiety that it’ll end up like that one. even though i know better now everything that the relationship was and how awful it was is in the back of my head. my mom suggested counseling and ashley agreed with her but tbh i’ve never even thought of that before. idk that i’d feel comfortable doing that or even if i really need it. idk i’ve never thought of it before but i guess i’ll start thinking about it now.

i’m going to sleep. it’s been heavy.

#tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #2023 dayss #april 7 2023 #jordyns journal #it’s been a heavy few days

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1d1195 · 2 months ago

Note

✨part two✨

Okay sooo finally got to read the Honey and Most updates and I’m going insane!!! Idk where to begin lol

I’m most definitely NOT mad the way this last part of honey ended or even turned out! If anything this made those most sense for them! I was so devastated when she started to tell how she ended up being a nanny 💔 also CODY?!? Never trust a guy named that 😭 anyways fuck him 😊 how could he basically try to manipulate her into finding that “family” need somewhere else when all she wanted to do was have one of her own and then HIM FUCKING CHEATING ON HER AND STARTING A FAMILY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?!? HELLO?!???? I love when we get a good backstory for your characters especially when they are so devastating 💔 though it of course makes so much sense as to why she’s like that obviously! And ugh I wish she was able to pursue her own dreams(I’m sure she will) but also that undertone of her not seeing herself being able to have her dream career and home life is so💔💔 the sperm donor part TRAGIC BC SHE IS SO LOVED! Though there is absolutely nothing wrong if people choose that route! (I’ve thought about that too!) and tbh I didn’t expect Harry to immediately beg her to give him a chance bc he is also kinda emotionally unavailable lol but I’m so excited to see how they will play out because I know you’ll never fail me!!!!! Loved it of course!

Now the most extra… I NEED HIM BAD😩😩😩 he’s so omg bestie you don’t even know! When I was younger I loved firefighters so him being just so perfect is so😭 he’s so down bad and I love when that happens! And I loved how we got a glimpse of the MC being so vulnerable when expressing how much she missed him😭 that detail of never sleeping alone 😭 and THEM TALLING ABOIT MARRIAGE😭😭😭 I will die when or if we get to read that😭😭 loved this so much like you do fluff and just sweet romantic stuff so much😭😭!!

Oh Sam you don’t even know how I was weak in the knees when I saw him😭 the motivation I got for that class actually went up lol

Anyways I’ve missed you lots Sam!! Was a really busy week but hopefully now it won’t be too bad! Hope grocery shopping went well! And I hope this past week treated you well too! Have you done anything fun recently? Hope this weekend is a bit relaxing! Love you lots!!!-💜

I am seriously running out of names but I've never met anyone that likes Cody. Idk how they exist. Tragically, I love the name Josh and Ben but I fear those are also red flag names. I really wasn't intending to make her background so tragic but I was struggling to put something down for this part and I was like "FUCK IT MAKE HER SAD" I tell my bf all the time if he died (lol) or we broke up I would refrain from another relationship. I would most likely just do the sperm donor route. I thought Harry caved kinda easily too, but I had someone message me about a prequel if you will for Honey and it's literally such a good idea, I can't wait to thank them profusely when I write it. I think it will be the first extra and it will kinda make sense why he caves so quickly after the fact. I am glad this part was okay. I'm still a bit nervous about the last two parts, but we shall see!

Honestly, I'm lowkey sick of writing about weddings 😂 almost all of my couples I've been writing about are married, I think. Or at least, they all act married. So idk if I'll write about their wedding. I think it would probs be similar to my Zipper wedding. I think she would be to nervous to do the whole thing in front of everyone--especially out of her guilt for leaving for a few years. I think she would feel like everyone is judging her. But I don't think Harry would care either way. He's so in love with her he would probably agree to getting married in the middle of a tornado if she asked. I also love firefighters. I think they're cute af (like personality, not physically, although they're good at that too). It's like someone just put a bunch of golden retrievers in one space and told them to literally put out fires. It's cute 🥰

Have I done anything fun? Hmm... no not really. I read my book last week and I've been spending money I shouldn't. But other than that, not really. I've been trying to lesson plan but my brain is not focusing. I've got my sweet treat and everything and nothing is working. 😭 I still have till like Wednesday to get some stuff done but I'm an early bird when it comes to due dates so this is cutting it close for me tbh 😭 We're planning a game night and a trip to Salem this month. I'm so amped that it's fall. It's making me think more and more about My Friend's Toyota. May have to revisit them next! I'm hoping to write a bit more but yeah. Nothing crazy!

LOVE YOU! Hope you are having a good weekend! 💕 Also, do you have classes every day? I know you commute and you're not crazy far, but do you only go on certain days or do you have a full 5-day schedule?

xoxo

#💜#honey #most

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megan-loves-surveys · 7 months ago

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#30.

When was the last time you admired some flowers? What kind/color were they? Um, dunno. I don't really take notice of flowers xD

Are you in the process of watching or re-watching a series at the moment? Not a TV series, but I'm rewatching Call Me Kevin's Sims series on YouTube atm. I've probably watched it like 5 times already but it never gets old.

If so, how many seasons does it have? And what season are you currently on? No seasons, but he's played all 4 games haha.

Has anyone you know gotten a new pet recently? Not that I know of. If they have, they should tell me so I can come over and make friends xD

How old were you 10 years ago? Who were your closest friends at that point? I was 26, and my friends were the same except David & Scott, I didn't know them yet. Plus my boyfriend if he counts xD

Do you still speak to any of them? Yep, all of them except Ashleigh. She unfriended me on FB ages ago and I don't know why - she unfriended Ngawari & Hannah too lol and just cut contact with us.

Have you ever kissed someone of another race? Oh yeah, of course.

Are there any races you wouldn’t kiss? No, if I like the person, then it doesn't matter which race they are.

What is your favorite thing about your best friend? She is soooo fucking funny, like I've cried laughing at things she's said. It's sometimes hard to concentrate when we workout cos she's saying the most random shit xD

What do you mostly have in common with your best friend? We both love going to the gym, Pokémon and having weird conversations haha.

Do you like it when men shave their chests? If you are a guy, do you shave? I like a hairy chest, but clean shaven is good too.

What is your favourite kind of video game? Adventure, role playing, strategy, choices matter and ones with a lot of dialogue.

When you’re visiting a site, do you still type “www.”? Nah haha.

What can you hear right now? Typing, cars driving past outside cos I have the window open and the wind lol.

Do you think it’s okay for kids to have cellphones? Depends on their age.

Do you watch anime? If so, what are some of your favourites? Not really, the only one I really watched was Pokémon.

Do you have any siblings? If so which one of them do you get along with the best? No.

What’s your favorite TV show? And who’s your favorite character from it? The Simpsons, and Mr Burns is probably my fave, he's so hilarious. I love Homer and Maggie too.

Have you violated any of the 10 Commandments? If so, what? Probably most of them xD

Do people think you look like either of your parents? Does that offend you? TBH, I don't think I really look like them, but people say I do. My Mum doesn't think I look like her, she thinks I look like Dad but I always get comments when I post pics of us saying "wow you look like your Mum!" lol. And I'm glad if I do look like them cos they both look far younger than their age (they're in their 70's but look nowhere near that), I'm aging like them so YAY.

Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? I've never had turkey bacon, so regular lmao.

Do you think it’s weird when people talk to their pets like people? No, I do that xD

What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? My boyfriend's house.

What is the furthest you have traveled alone? I didn't go on my own, cos my Mum was with me but I did sightseeing and that in Boston on my own cos she got sick and had to stay in the hotel room. It was fun, but I wished she was with me. But it does tell me I can travel solo if I want to!

Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? No.

Have you ever been drunk? Oh yeah.

What was the name of the main character in the last book you read? It was a non fiction book.

What are three of your favorite toppings for salads? Mayo, croutons and bacon bits.

Do you prefer pizza or hot dogs? Pizza.

What is your favorite pizza topping? Hawaiian.

Is your dad a jerk? Hell no, he's one of the nicest people ever. He can be a bit sharp if you annoy him, and he's not afraid to complain and get things fixed if people fuck up, but generally he's super nice and generous and amazing.

Is anyone in your family currently in the military? No. My Grandma & Granddad were back in the day though.

What is your favorite dog breed? Corgis & Labradoodles, I love them both. I also think French Bulldogs are super cute, our neighbour owns one and she's soooo adorable.

Have you found any gray hairs on your head? No.

Do you own a bikini? I mostly wear tankinis these days haha, but I did wear them in my teens and 20's.

If you were a rockstar, what color guitar would you have? Haha, purple.

Would you rather have a personal chef or personal house cleaner? I want to say chef, but cleaner would probably be a better pick.

Do you have any zits on your face right now? No.

What are three of your favorite bakery items? Muffins, banana bread and croissants.

What are three creative hobbies you enjoy? Writing, that's the only one I'm any good at.

What are three things you like about church? Nothing.

What was the last type of pie you ate? Bacon & egg.

Which book did you love when you were younger? Oh, loads.

Which book series could you read again? Weather Warden series. In fact, I'm probably due to the read the series again soon lol.

Tell me about your first breakup, if you had one. It was Lee, we broke up cos my parents found out about us dating lol. I was only 14 and not allowed a boyfriend yet, so we dated in secret. Lee called me one day, my Dad got to the phone before I did, found out who he was and I was doomed, I got in SO much trouble LOL. Lee didn't want to deal with my parents (don't blame him tbh) so we broke up.

Which person would you chose to travel the world with? My Mum or my boyfriend.

Do you have (a) stuffed animal(s) sitting in your room? Which one(s)? I have loads! They live on my bed xD Let's see... I have a bunch of Pokémon plushies - I have Luxray, Shinx, Cyndaquil, Mew, Espeon, Charizard, Charmander, Eevee, Jolteon & Mimikyu. Then we have a big Corgi plushie named Larry, a kangaroo I got in Australia, a wombat, a Spleens plushie (from YouTube channel Gray Still Plays) and my teddy I've had since I was 1, Mr Grubs.

Have you ever had to do a doubletake on someone ‘cuz they were so pretty? Yep.

Is your last ex currently in a relationship? No clue, I haven't talked him in ages. I also don't really care xD

Who was the last female you were introduced to? Hmm, not sure, probably someone at work.

Who was the last male you were introduced to? See above xD

Do you use a nightlight? No.

What’s your opinion on border control? Depends...

What are your favorite things to create? Fanfiction lol.

What’s something you prefer to keep private? Hmm.

Are you good at prioritizing? Depends.

If you’re not religious, were you ever? What made you lose faith? Never. My parents aren't either, and they never introduced me to it or made me do anything related to it. My Grandma was religious and went to church every weekend, but even she never tried to make any of our family do it too. That's the way to be religious if you ask me, do your thing but don't force it on others.

What feeling do you have the most difficulty in expressing? Sometimes I hide when I'm in pain or not feeling well. No idea why I do that.

When was the last time you looked at your significant other/crush’s Facebook profile? I look at the stuff he posts cos a lot of the time he tags me in it LOL.

WHAT WAS YOUR LAST:

Beverage: Water. Phone call: Someone at work. Text message: My boyfriend, we were talking about the wrestling show I went to last night cos he didn't come. Song you listened to: Madison Beer - Effortlessly Time you cried: Yesterday at the end of the Maniacs show, it was their final show and the wrestlers were making speeches, it got emotional.

　HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: No. Been cheated on: Yes. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yes. Lost someone special: Yes. Been depressed: No. Been drunk and threw up: Been drunk, yes. Thrown up cos of it, no.

　LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS:

Purple Blue Green

　THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (I’m taking this as “in the past year”)

Made a new friend: Yes. Fallen out of love: No. Laughed until you cried: Yes. Especially the laughing so hard you cry and then can't breathe style xD Met someone who changed you: No. Found out who your true friends were: Nah, I already knew. Found out someone was talking about you: No. Kissed anyone on your FB friends list: Yes, my boyfriend xD LOL.

　GENERAL:

How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: About half? A lot of them are high school friends and people I know from NZ wrestlinng. The rest are international wrestling fans I know through Wrestlemania trips and that. Are you happy: Yeah. Do you have any pets: No. Do you want to change your name: I'm not a big fan of my name, it's been shit on a lot in the last few years lol, but I wouldn't change it now. What did you do for your last birthday: I had three separate meals with people - first I went to dinner with Ngawari, then I went to lunch the next day with Mum, then I had dinner with my boyfriend xD What time did you wake up today: 10:30am, cos it's Sunday! What were you doing at midnight last night: I was watching YouTube videos. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Hmm... Last time you saw your mother: Last night. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I'm having issues with my heartrate atm, I wish that would settle the fuck down lol. What are you listening to right now: Nothing. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Most likely. Most visited webpage: YouTube, last.fm or Reddit. Nicknames: Mox Girl, MG, Mox, Moxie/Moxxy, Meg etc. Relationship status: Taken, for almost 2 years. Zodiac sign: Cancer. Gender? Female. Hair color: Naturally blonde, but atm I dye it blue and purple. Long or short: In between, it's past my shoulders. Height: 5'3". Do you have a crush on someone? Not just a crush! LOL. What do you like about yourself? My sense of humour, my hobbies, my taste in music, my hair, my legs, my boobs :P

　FIRSTS:

First crush: This boy named Cameron. First piercing: Ears, but they closed up. First best friend: Anna. First sport you joined: None, LOL. First vacation: Probably to Rotorua or Paihia. First car: Never owned one.

　YOUR FUTURE:

Want kids: No thank you. Get married: Again, no thank you. Career: I guess admin is it.

　WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: Eyes. Hugs or kisses: Both! Shorter or taller: Taller. Older or younger: Older. My boyfriend is 18 years older than me xD Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms. Sensitive or loud: In between. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship. Trouble maker or hesitant: In between.

　HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: Yes. Drank hard liquor: Yes. Lost glasses/contacts: No. Sex on first date: Sure. Broken someone’s heart: No. Had your own heart broken: Yes. Been arrested: No. Turned someone down: Yes. Cried when someone died: Yes. Fallen for a friend: Sure.

　DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: Mostly. Miracles: Maybe. Love at first sight: Sure. Heaven: No. Kiss on the first date: Yes. Angels: No.

　ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

Had more than one bf/gf: Not at the same time xD Did you sing today: No LOL. Ever cheated on somebody: Yes. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: Five concert! Are you afraid of falling in love with somebody else: No?

#survey #surveys #random survey #personal survey

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wheredostarsgowhenyoudie · 8 months ago

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So I was looking for tags on the cdrama "The Mermaid's Pearl" but could not find one. I wonder why is that?

Admittedly, this one is not on par with most dramas I watch. The rating on the internet is also low. I think I know why.

But if you're looking for cuteness and fluff with scenes that make you smile like hot chocolate and if you don't care much about actresses crying without tears (aka not so great acting) and bad directing skills and cuts, this could be just it.

On to how I found this. So I was looking for a quick cdrama to binge. When too tired afterwork, I have this guilty pleasure of reading through plots, watching the first few eps. Then when I get the gist, I'll leisurely fast forward or move eps looking for cute or fun scenes. You know, like living leisurely through the characters (for the sake of feeling things and pretending you got a life outside work and home).

Plot wise, tbh, I skipped a lot on this one. The plot itself is pretty simple. Mermaid girl (FL) left water to look for her kidnapped father. The ML is a rich young man who is known as a detective. He is also sick and they believe finding a mermaid will help cure him. She agreed because he has a lot of food (being rich and all) and he also might be able to help her find her dad.

Suspecting she's a mermaid (kinda hard not to) when she literally threw her pearls at him when they first met, he decided to keep her by his side.

So murder mysteries happen along the way and the guy has a fangirl/fiancee who wants to marry him. The emperor is also looking for a way to live abnormally long and orders people to go on expeditions to look for mermaids to aid that quest.

That is basically the whole gist of it.

Cuteness wise, can I just say I love and adore how the ML cares for the FL? Like, she's like a fluffy bunny and he's the master who takes care of her. They are so cute together and he also is sensitive to his own feelings so there's not much waiting. Their scenes make me laugh and just smile, thinking I want to be loved the way he loves her. : ) 🩷 Plus, it's comedy XD

At first he was telling her to stay away from him because she has no boundaries. But all too soon, he just came to accept how trusting and comfortable she is with him. He also gets jealous easily lol.

In this scene for instance, she literally just fell asleep using his hand as a pillow (like a cat) and he lets her. #Fluff

Acting wise, the ML actor, Shi An, is actually pretty good. It's just that the cuts and the scenes they were acting in are really like you're watching students' made film where quality is not the focus. So tbh, I blame the director and writer and producers more than the actors. Or maybe, that is indeed their goal? Idk. If it is then they succeeded.

Watch it if you dare, but as I said, a lot of things about it are pretty crappy. So don't expect too much.

But bottomline, I still very much enjoyed the very short cute fluff scenes between the ML and FL. :) I even replay them (just the cute scenes) when I need a pick-me-up. So it isn't so bad. At least not for me.

#The Mermaid's Pearl #Bao Rou Rou #Gu Xing He #Shi An #Wang Ya Jia #cute #fluff #cdrama fluff #mermaid #detective #detective x mermaid #spoilers

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hardfeeling505 · 9 months ago

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All about her

This story is about my experience became friend with someone i accidentally met on random tiktok live and i asking her to be FRIEND MOOTS

her nickname idk, i just call her M, she is the oldest child, from what i see she is a very good big sis to her younger sis(her sister is so lucky to have u M).height 5'4 feet in cm its like 162.56 (she told me how else i know😐)born on September something 2005. I thought i'm going to jail man😐 but i born on 2001 so it okay, thanks God for that✊ (im a little bit cooked tbh i'm on a thin ice right back there😔) she a Filipino Canadian Girl, raised in Alberta , Edmonton , Canada. It take about 24hr 45 min flight from my place. One day i hope for to meeting her in person😤,even though i know its not gonna happen(just me being delulu).

Actually, i want to witness the flower bloom in spring with my own eyes + Also meeting my buddy. She told me her province is known for Grand Prairie’s and stuff, it's like a full green land and have so many lake ,as i recall there also a moutain (6 hours ride from her home) bcs she told me that there is so many wild flower will bloom when it spring season. I bet the view is so beautiful, you know nature and beautiful, a word that can't be separated, and yes always beautiful + watching with her? Bro!! i gotta prepare insulin injection bcs i might got sick from all those sweet moment with her

(🗣️📢🔥🔥🔥this is not a pickup line).

Other thing about her.She is one of the lactose intolerant victim , can't drink or eat anything contain dairy stuff ,only almond milk. She told me she can't eat corndog ,poor her.😭 Bro!! i eat corndog like i cant even count how much i eat.When she say that , i wish i can give her a hug but must keep it halal (yes i'm a muslim). Furthermore, i like like like it when she go suddenly share random fact about her ,one example of it "i hate energy drink" and "im just got choke from reading your comment bro" , she so random Bro that is one of her charm and i loving it (as a buddy ofc)

And one moment, my dumbass go tell her to try drink banana milk, After re-read my chat i go Oof what have i done😐. I genuinely want to kick myself for that I'm so sorry M forgive me please i think i half asleep at that moment not thinking straight. 🙏 (im doom can't think of any better excuses Help😔)

Also the so CUTE impression of her i can't hold myself to tease her😭(im cooked). SO STRONG INFJ VIBE FR. There is one morning we chatting about breakfast , she say she making a toast bread, I ask her "M you eating the bread with what? peanut butter?" and she answer "i eat it with banana and something" , then i say "i like banana too" for real i like banana💯. Then, i saw my opportunity to tease her and i took it😭, i start with asking her "u know what i like too?" ,she reply "what?" , it might seem crazy what gonna say, i with my full consciousness say " i like strawberry jam, strawbewwy jam is so✨✨" , and she reply with "Oooh" then "okay". I feel like a bad guy at that moment but man she so cute i cant resist it I am so sorry M forgive me🙏😔. (i want to do it again frfr)

She going into Nursing then paramedics like ambulance people, praying for her to achieve her dream, Amin .Please God give her All the strength she need bcs im so far away from her🤲.(Proud for her Bro as buddy ofc).She enjoy work out so much (i like it too💯), consider it her hobby for now.She like to say LOL a lot i know everyone does but her LOL is different for me (dont attack me).

One more thing i like about her is her habits to explain to me about something until i truly understand, her effort Bro!!. (she like to express her feeling by put it all in her writing). I swear i will like and always read everything she wrote man like i feel like my eyes and brain (my whole life existance) is created by god to read her essay man, to listen to her. I literally crying right now while writing this. thank god i not writing this on paper man.She so precious to me Bro!!! like very unreal to me and i dont deserve to get to know her, to good to be true.

(Pls read this one paragraph below while listen to Everygreen by Richy Mitch & The Coal Miners trust me)

one moment , i talk to her about snow (we like to talk about random stuff) anyways it go like this i ask " M, is it spring there?" she answer "it still winter season " , after that i told her "i like winter but i like to see flower bloom in spring more" , and she start telling me all of her life experience living in 4 season, after that we caught in deep talk moment it for like forever for me (it feel long for me) It so beautiful man talking to her, its healing me. Then the sentence hit me.I dont want to lose her as a buddy ofc(she already on a somewhat relationship).

- her Twice bias is dahyun meanwhile mine is sana

- her Aespa bias is karina(same as me)

- her Nmixx bias is lily(same twice) Do you see there is a sign here.

Finally we are here thank for staying with me on this journey,The Main Topic is her MBTI😤

A Beautiful yet So Soft INFJ personality ,i have so much interest in this mbti man,you know this type of mbti is so rare. I am shooketh yes my jaw drop ahh so cringe but it is frfr when she told me her mbti i am so shock Lol, i never found this type before all of my friend male/ female is always started with E and end with J or some case started with I and end with P, what i want to say is it so weird to me this type of MBTI INFJ. It so UNIQUE thats the word .Don't want to be so hype talking to her so i tried to cover with "oh idk u were an I" meanwhile me talking to myself ofc she an I you dummy she like nature and stuff also she admire cat ☝️😃 Also it her fav animal. (i bet you 100 dollar she will pat every cat she bypass)

About her song taste is interesting .Quite similar to me or just the same genre?🤔 As expected from her MBTI type. Her fav song is My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski (this song is PERFECT just like her)😤 *i want to cry again bro. She has 39K+ minutes streaming on spotify for this song ALONE (she told me). JUST FOR 39k MINUTES ??? THE SONG IS IN YOUR BLOOD GIRL FRFR . It Mother Mitski song never ever doubted her song✊). One statement from M. "I actually have 209k minutes of listening to music on Spotify😌"

I want to ask her ig so bad Bro!!! or anything that can i use to reach/contact her others from tiktok. i can't use my sticker that the main reason, all my hilarious meme collection relatable go to waste and also i'm a coward.

Something i truly get hurt from is the fact she have anxiety/panic attack(she frequently got stomachache).I really want to know how to pleasant or calming her, tbh i try search and read many article about anxiety, unfortunately ,i don't find any effective ways just some drinking water and stuff like that😔. Even though i suffer from same thing but i too don't know any tips.Maybe try go to therapy session like me once a week?(its not working for me my therapist just want my money i know it not that right Mr Lim? you scammer he is chinese).Article nowadays is unhelpful.

I think i just like her personality or am i? or im just too easy to catching feeling (maybe its true). It just a phase i guess i will get over it😌

Sorry i forgot to put her Newjeans bias(her ultimate Gir Group). Her bias is Kang Kaerin😸 , i agree with her Kang Haerin is so cute but She more cuter to me ahh i wish i could tell her this, what a coward i am. Ofc bcs they share the same Mbti INFJ (she like her so much, i bet her photo album of Kang Haerin is more than 500+ pic). Her bias wrecker is Danielle🐶(my bias), YES if you notice there is pattern here.If you a Bunnies, DaeRin Friendship you will get it what i mean. Also i make a Favorite Collection on my tiktok profile for her, I know i know, it nothing but i should do something for her. The Title "For Her , yep U" . I remember creating it 3 day after meet her, and ofc as buddy nothing personal. My tiktok name is Newjeans Haerin (cactus name)🥕 on her Jean'Zine solo vlog.

Btw I'm an INFP My MBTI ,funny right?

About my MBTI there is story too🤟.

Before the covid, i take the MBTI test between 2018-2019 i'm still in college back then and My first MBTI test result is ENFP. Fyi, i'm quite not shy person. Main reason, 2nd child curse?. i believe this is so true My family always ignore me frfr😭 but i know deep down of their heart they still care or maybe bcs“ i'm annoying "ahh kinda kid back then, I like hugging them, its that wrong?😃 that not a crime and i am still kid. I think clingy is the word😌🤟.Don't blame me, since birth i'm like this (im cooked)

After Covid, between 2023 year i retake the test the reason is i notice that my social skill is gone ,maybe bcs im live alone. Literally, It was like i scare to talk , i'm worry that someone will judge me when i approach them. I hate anxiety bro!! My condition is so bad at some point i can't breath normally , it like my chest is so full, i took various antistress pill(i stop taking them now) this entire pain after years not talking much to someone, only my cat Lol, i love my cat he so cute like frfr😭 his name is kuromi. he a black cat with yellow eye + he like hugging me,he is the only creature that like back when i hug😭 the other half of me. About friend i have friends so many friends but i don't usually contact them by phone or online its just me, i prefer go meet them , stop by for a drink like that , Face to face Obviously before covid what harm can happen to you by doing outdoor activity?get hit by car? actually that is harmful.Super harmful actually, really what the dangerous thing could happen to you? got sick from fever? Back then even social anxiety scare to me😔. Yeah i know what u thinking My friend when don't like the idea i want to hug them too , that not a new things to me i'm just joking 😔(im not).Frfr i have so many friends. It so easy to make friends Bro!! like just go talking to someone new i don't see any problem at all . It just 2 human talking like .

you=>🧍🏻talking🧍🏻<=me

Agree with me Dangerous Virus is just a myth before covid-19 exist, its like a movie title Bro so dumb. Just a small dumb virus ruining my life.

Continue my story about mbti test , i retake it, the result come out, and i got the INFP BRO!!☹️ as expected ,yeah the E is gone. Untill now i still not retake the test but im 💯 sure the E is back bcs starting this year at my workplace i slowly not slowly tbh Lol, easily can approach people now bro like frfr, i think i enjoy talking to people back , i like listen to them. i know what u think the hugging thing i can control it now.Bro i'm a grownass man now😭 (i still like hugging but not other gender keep stay halal). Maybe i should consider retake the test again this year🤔.Overall For who reading this now.Thank You Very Much For spend your time reading my yapping essay about someone who already i lost contact with. My conclusion is, Heals Really Take Time FRFR,you just has to trust the process.

#MBTI#Healing#infj#enfp#infp#Mitski#yapping#shortstory#fantasy#humor#frfr#halal#anxiety#covid#imcooked#haerin#danielle#newjeans#nmixx#lily#aespa#karina#twice#dahyun#sana#spotify#🥕#feeling#tiktok#tiktoklive#canada#alberta#edmonton

side note : i type all this while listen to her fav song on loop, I'm not good at writing essay unlike her, sorry for all grammatical error or miss place, word conjunction. Thanks all for the memory M. Hope ur doing Great Now.

#mbti #kpop #newjeans #mental health #healing #nature #anxitey #humor #nmixx #twice #aespa #kpop bias #bias wrecker #infj feelings #infp things #infp thoughts #enfp personality

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