#she took so much from me and i'm??? so fucking angry???? Wtf???

[theaestheticmerchant]

WIBTA if i postumously sued my mother for stealing my childhood from me and refusing to help give me the education, social help, and emotional development i deserved as a child, and for singlehandedly and negatively altering the entite course of my life by doing so?

[podcasts-rotting-chaos]

So uh I just finished S2 of Dungeons and Daddies and boy do I have some thoughts and feelings about one character in particular.

Normal Oak Swallows Garcia Li Marlowe the Unworthy. I love you and hate the fact you made me cry on so many occasions. I just keep thinking about him my brain is so full with him and the everlasting trauma of his family. So some thoughts that are going to be a jumble and a mess to get out, but here we go.

I don't think I've seen anyone in the fandom talk about this but I think Teenie the Teen is an actual mask that Normal uses. Like we all know he's Neurodivergent like his special interest is the one thing that keeps him grounded and he uses it (the costume) like a shield to deflect and hide his emotions. You cannot tell me once he left school he found it incredible hard as he didn't have a physical object hiding his emotions from everyone and he has so many feelings that this adventure really uncovered for him. I'm not surprised that coming back to school was incredibly difficult for him because this place used to mean so much to him but now he's gone and experienced the real world this is where he first started to realize he wasn't the same as everyone else. ALSO DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY HAD THE REUNION IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE THAT HIS DAD TOLD HIM HE WASNT PROUD OF HIM. BECAUSE I DO.

Even his own name is a slap in the face from his dad. I have this headcannon that Hero cracked under the pressure of trying to save the world because of all of Sparrows hopes and dreams he projected it onto her in hoping she would fix his mistakes, but she couldn't handle all that pressure. In contrast Normal's name is signifier of Sparrow wants him to be, A Normal Person and Normal couldn't even live up to that, so of course his dad was disappointed in him. (This part makes me so fucking angry because no matter the shit he and Lark pulled Henry was always proud of them.) Sparrow wasn't proud of him (in Normal's eyes) until he killed god, which is something he can never recreate.

Also also. Everyone who ever loved him unconditionally died in front of him. He saw the boy he had a massive crush on bleed out and he couldn't save him and his mother got obliterated in front of him. Like his relationships are fucked. All his friends fought by his side and try to be there for him but he doesn't have the same support network as they do. So of course he distances himself after or probably when they have to go back to school.

I haven't even begun to talk about his relationship with Hermie. Like this only began cuz Hermie was tricking and deceiving him but Normal thought he could fix him. And in the end he killed him. (he technically didn't but Normal has enough guilt around his death to kill the second Hermie (Willy stampler 2.0) over again). And this creation of Hermie like those two tried to be together I know it, but how can you be with someone you remember burying?

(also also also going back to his mom) Do you think he can't trust his mother cuz she also came back when Hermie did and can't stop thinking she might different person to the one Willy obliterated and he cannot tell. Do you ever think about the fact Lark said to Normal never to trust anyone, and after this adventure he never did again. (or it took a lot of time and A LOT of therapy to even start rebuilding those relationships again)

In conclusion: I cannot stop thinking about Normal Oak and how tragic he is. I want to thank and hate Will Campos for writing and acting a fucking dweeb that my brain is going ferral over. I am sorry about the length and the ramble of this post. Normal I am going to write so much fucked up (maybe some fluff because he deserves to be happy) fanfic about you. Apologies again for the ramble and if you've read all of this wtf is wrong with you.

[aectpen]

𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ❆ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍

m.list

pairing: sunghoon x ex figure skater->idol!fem oc

synopsis: 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧'𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐲 𝐤𝐩𝐨𝐩 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩, 𝐤𝐚𝐲𝐨, 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐜𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐇𝐘𝐁𝐄.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬.

chapter four: dear diary

in the spirit of reminiscing on the old times, once chaerin got back to the dorm, she opened up her "home" box. its where she kept her valuable items that brought her comfort away from home. the items include her diary, photos, jewelry, and more precious items. she hasn't written in her diary in a while, but its a relic of all her experiences. she was especially into journaling during her figure skating and trainee years.

as she sifted through the pages, she landed on a page that stood out. her fingers trailed over the tear smudged ink. her anger was evident through the force she used while writing the entry, almost tearing through the page. she felt like she teleported back to the moment she wrote it.

february 4, 2020 dear diary, i hate park sunghoon. i thought he was playing a sick prank on me, but he never turned around. how will i compete without him? how could he do that to me??? after how hard we worked.. i've never met anyone more selfish than him. he just laid it on me like it wasn't that big of a deal i'm gonna burn everything that has to do with him.

chaerin paused her reading to look back into the box. she most definitely didn't burn nor throw away anything that had to do with him. she picked up a polaroid she took with him on a day out. they went to the movies and got milkshakes afterwards. she put whipped cream on his nose and snapped the photo while he pouted and she smiled. it was the first time they had hung out outside of skating. it was the day they became friends rather than just partners. they realized they liked each other's company much more when they weren't so serious.

i'm crying but i'm not sad.. i'm angry i have cried out of frustration and obviously sadness but i never cry when i'm mad but honestly he will regret it when i'm at the olympics and he is in the dungeon training to be a flop idol god i really hate him fuck park sunghoon

"wow," chaerin whispered to herself. she forgot just how harsh her feelings toward sunghoon were. she continued flipping since she was so immersed in the angst of it all.

march 8, 2020 dear diary, i miss sunghoon skating is so boring it feels like a chore and my new partner is way too serious like wtf today i laughed after i fell on my ass and he was all like "is this a joke to you?" all stern boy bye i know sunghoon would've mocked his voice and we would laugh about it i was angry before but now im sad he was more than my partner, he was my friend and now i miss my friend sunghoon

chaerin reached for their good luck bracelet they made during practice. their initials separated by beads. they always wore it during competitions. they were undefeated since they made them, so they swore it was magic.

a month after writing that entry, she threw in the towel. she quit after a competition she had placed first in. she knew it was over when everyone was happy, but her.

june 1, 2020 dear diary, so today my friend told me about that new mnet survival show i-land right and i'm like okay i like txt so i'll tune in and today they revealed some trainees and you won't believe who i saw PARK SUNGHOON like you have to be kidding me my fantasy about him being a flop idol won't come true i will NOT be tuning in

june 26, 2020 dear diary, i lied i tuned in he looked okay i guess.. alright he looked good and he was really good perhaps i guess so maybe fans are loving the whole ex figure skater thing but its triggering me i kinda regret quitting figure skating. i could've went to the olympics and rubbed it in his face i thought i stopped hating him but i didn't. seeing his smug smile while everyone praises him and here i am hate-watching from my bedroom. if he didn't quit on me i would be so much more productive with my life i still hate park sunghoon.

september 18, 2020 dear diary, does the universe hate me? i cracked my phone, lost my keys, missed the bus, got an F, and park sunghoon made it to the debut lineup. i know one is not like the other but it was the cherry on top to my suffering :( i feel like an absolute failure doing nothing with my life while he's a famous idol my mom said i was used to be the child a mom would brag about, but now i'm the child you don't mention she said it so casually but i went to my room and cried for an hour straight i really have nothing going for myself

chaerin felt guilty looking back on how she treated sunghoon's success. she felt nothing but jealousy and hatred. how could he leave her and be successful? she thought he was making a big mistake quitting, but the truth was that was the best decision he could've made and she hated that. she wanted it to hurt him the way it hurt her, but not everyone gets what they want.

sunghoon's members began teasing him when they found out who he was with when he went missing for an hour.

"streets are saying sunghoon is already making a move on chaerin," niki announced.

"is sunoo's nickname streets now?" jay laughed.

sunghoon put his hands up in defense "oh come on, i was just catching up with her."

sunoo gasped "catching up? we missed out on some sunghoon lore."

"elaborate," heeseung crossed his arms.

"she was my figure skating partner."

"and they were figure skating partners." jake mocked.

"so you don't have a crush on her? i was really gonna take credit for introducing you guys." jungwon scoffed.

"i don't have a crush on chaerin."

the same was happening at kayo's dorm.

"chaerin!" haru barged into chaerin's room.

chaerin scrambled to put all the items back into her box, but she missed one.

"what's this?" haru asked picking up chaerin's polaroid with sunghoon. "oh my god? is that? that has to be a look alike."

"come on give it back!" chaerin chased after her.

"you guys have to see this." haru passed the polaroid to jie.

everyone gathered around to see while chaerin watched their reactions.

"how do you date park sunghoon and not tell us?" sujin shook her head in disbelief.

"i didn't date him, he was my figure skating partner."

"emphasis on partner, this is totally a boyfriend girlfriend pic," zena laughed.

"we were just friends that's all."

"no wonder you two were so buddy buddy earlier," jie was now much more confident in her prediction.

chaerin stared at the ceiling, trying to sleep, but she couldn't stop thinking about sunghoon. the time she spent with him reversed all those feelings she angrily wrote down. her thoughts were interrupted when her phone buzzed beside her pillow.

[unknown] are you up? [chaerin] and this is? [unknown] sunghoon

[leffee]

Top five favorite Vinnie moments from the show go!

Oh boy, okay!

His absolutely mad destroying rage when he found out Sunil is not coming in for the day. I don't remember if I first watched that episode when Sunil was still my favourite or when Vinnie was already that, but either way I loved it. Love me a crazy bitch like that. Me when a small, happy-go-lucky normally treated as harmless guy is angry and everyone else is suddenly scared shitless. Who else goes absolutely berserk cause they can't see their bestie for a while? Only Vinnie, the crazy bitch, love him.

Basically everything he did in "Bake It 'til You Make It" to help said bestie. Like he did so much just to help Sunil and also to commit an elaborate lie but shhhh, it's all for Sunil's sake so that's fine.

Whatever the hell he did at the beggining of "Two Pets for Two Pests", I just love everything about it. Him and Penny Ling both really, but I love how fucking cuddly he was with Penny and all like "Idc where I am as long as I'm with my friends" ^^ just <3333 boy can you love them any more. But then! Oh then, as soon as he found out he was the one chosen (again, along with Penny) he pulled out ol' switcheroo and was like "Aha, fuck you you, bitches I was chosen, I'm better than you!". He's such an asshole, I love him, love the immediate change.

His absolute disdain for Esteban in his episode, I love how lowkey passive-agressive he was cause you never again see him do it with anyone else really and that's a damn shame, I love this kind of Vinnie the most, cause the enitre time he's just "Bitch you so stupid."

Him leading the pets when it comes to that Chinese dragon dance. It was such a small part of this episode yet it was undeniably there, I love how he took charge and was all in all "Don't worry, I've got this. I might not normally take charge, but dancing is the one thing I know how to do so I'll do my best."

Those five favourite moments are really just the moments that came to my mind first that I liked with him, I'm sure if I were replying to it some other day I would choose different moments and/or change their order, but today this is it :3.

Honorary mention to literally every other Vinnie moment, but especially to *takes a deep breath*: when he tried to cheer Penny up and gave her a tissue, he (and Russell and Sunil) being stupid while the girls were in Blythe's room, him being sad when the judges didn't like his dance and then being sad about abandoning Blythe, being an absolute tsundere about Sharukh first being like "meh" but then absolutely fanboying, him being the first one to shake off the sugar rush and be like "Guys wtf we doing", being grumpy about being taken by Alice and being trapped in that aquarium (without water, phew!), being tsudnere when Sunil was scared and hugged him but then immediately jumping on his head when he got scared, basically whenever autotmy happens and he lost his tail with the first one being the best, Penny holding him when they found out Blythe was going to F.U.N., his whole dynamic with Zoe in The Big, Feathered Parade, when he tried to stand up to Wiggles cause they both reptiles, him and Sunil being absolutely unhelpful at first in Blythe's Big Idea and takinf that "bath" together, him not letting others watch Zoe's dog show in France cause holy crap insect channel, whenever his coldbloodness is mentioned, "and don't call me Vincent" and whenever Vincent is mentioned, him being done with Sunil's crush on Delilah he was just so 🙄 about it, Sunil calling him "undersized buddy", basically everything he and Sunil were doing in War of the Weirds especially them dising Uptown City that was so funny I swear (alright it was mostly Sunil but Vinnie was on it too), him laughing at Penny in gorilla costume and right after she was like "Won't I look ridiculous?" he did say she does indeed look ridiculous (sorry but that was so fuuny), his chase with Cashmere and Velvet (why did he shake his ass at them smh), like half of The Very Littlest Pet Shop's plot being revealed to be his imagination and pls he and Sunil were so cute in his imagination hmmmmmmmmm, him writing on his own a forumla of nuclear fission (the smart Vinnie episode we never got :(), his goofy ahh explanation for why Blythe can understan pets and being all :) about it while everyone else is just ???, "Dad!" "Roger!" "Sunil!" "Llama?", him being happy when Blythe called him smart (my poor compliments starved baby :( ), him sitting on top of Sunil's head basically the entire lenght of In the Loop episode and also any other moment when he chils on top of someone's head, making that disgusting dish with flies and being happy when no one else wants it cause that means he can eat it all, Jerry calling him a komodo dragon (another case of being misspecied smh), being obsessed with Royal Henry's, being really really (really) sad when Zoe wanted to leave the pet shop to be with doctor handsomeface, eating gecko nom nom treats cause why this name so cute ugh, being the goodest boy in the world and forgiving Pepper for breaking his lucky rock as well as him being all sad that episode, being so fucking sad about Penny this time leaving the pet shop (except she wasn't really but you know), being happy about being worth 10 000 dolars, giving his favourite pillow to Sunil when he was being all grouchy (he never got that pillow back), being absolutely done with that one male moose's dancing and just being a jerk the entire episode "He's been like this whole day" >:(, catboy Vinnie in season 4 finale and many many more.

[teriwrites]

Below (Rewrite): Part 1

My Live Reaction to Reading Through My 2012 Novel

Once again a story with no chapter divisions, so I'm gonna make this up as I go

We open into a brief dream sequence, in which Kristen recalls her life before, in which, apparently, she was a rich bitch

'I tried to keep my dream going. I pretended like I wasn't going to wake up in a slave camp for mutants, practically at the scientists' mercy. I pretended like I hadn't lived every day for the past two years in torture, hadn't almost worked myself to death.' good news folks, Kristen is still Like That in draft 2

No more dramatic emphasis that Lea's freaking nine years old! now her age is introduced very casually

"I really can't afford trouble right now." *pulls her sleeping roommate out of her hammock by the hair*

Whoooa we're actually seeing her mind reading in action!

Early introduction to Trinity?? I'm guessing, since she's a 20ish blonde woman lol

Classic 'looking into the mirror to describe appearance' scene

"bright red-orange hair" THANK YOU, i KNEW she was a ginger but literally got no confirmation of it in the first draft

'Underground, there isn't much light, and the fields were huge, so generally seemed lit like a cave.' this may come as a shock, but you are describing a cave

Introduction to the new cast member! Max seems pretty chill, an established friend of Kristen's, but this sixteen year old dude has beef with the nine year old for some reason

Much more realistic walking distance of one mile rather than ten lmao

Whooooa Lea glows when she does her whole 'manipulating dreams/sleep state' now

'They looked pretty for brown eyes.' BITCH BROWN EYES ARE LITERALLY GORGEOUS WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? so sorry to everyone with brown eyes, 14-year-old Teri was delusional

Nick, who has just collapsed and broken his ankle, absolutely chill as he explains the damage

Mary's backstory in this draft is that she took a job at the Institute and, seeing what they were doing, FEIGNED HAVING POWERS to be sentenced to their labor camp, so that she could act as the compound's nurse, what a fucking hero

Government is now not just unaware of the Institute but probably paid off to ignore it

Kid with a broken ankle forced to walk on said ankle A Lot in this scene

'Not only could she control subconscious dreams, she could detect daydreams.' that feels like a traumatizing superpower for a 9-year-old to have ngl

"What's the 'Institute of Discovery'?" I asked, thoroughly confused.' girl you just introduced all of us readers to the Institute like a page ago wdym

Kristen and Max planning out an escape route and fully intending to leave Lea behind, Kristen shocked that Lea is upset to learn about this

Lea is winning the most jaded 9-year-old of all time

Like: "The government doesn't know. The Institute has agents from the CIA and FBI paid off to make cover-ups. Everyone that isn't funded by the Institute believes that they are an old, abandoned graveyard. The science building is small, so some think it's just an old, eerie church," Lea shrugged. Then she scowled, "Even if the government knew, they wouldn't care. Who needs some of nature's big goofs? Heck, the government might even fund the Institute if they knew!"

(okay but who's gonna tell her those organizations are, in fact, part of/tied to the federal government?)

'I turned around and spotted Betty, the twin sister of the angry Hulk.' actually?? love that description of her lmaoooo

Draft 1: 'Betty gasped, and then started shaking with anger.'

Draft 2: 'I could feel the anger radiating from her before she spoke.'

okaaaay Teri I see the glow-up!

"You speak as if you could lead a person out of an empty room." oooo the girls are fighting

I just used 'pork chop' as an insult lmaoo Lea is ~quirky~

wtf there's a girl in this underground compound with hair that's 'white with red highlights. She reminded me of a mint.' where is she getting the hair dye?? is that supposed to be natural?? is it intentional???

Nicole's made her first appearance! Kristen's first time seeing her in the compound. She's................ having a hard time adjusting (insulting her and all the other mutants. a lot.)

Reader Beware: this story contains Milk Drinking Propaganda (my family were all big milk drinkers growing up lol)

Kristen is apparently the head of her 'league', despite being 15

Lea is a twin???

'I knew why my friends were always giggling in Max's presence, but I honestly just saw him as a friend. There was nothing going on between us, and I highly doubted that there ever would be anything there.' i'm sure this comment will age So well and definitely Won't create the basis for a love triangle

I mean literally on the same page, Max is basically vibe checking her for the two of them running away together and starting a life elsewhere, like... girl... it's totally okay to not have feelings for someone else! but you're not That blind to what's going on here, right??

'Max hadn't seemed to think this through. For someone who had spent most of his three years underground thinking of how to escape, he hadn't thought much through.' get his ass lol

'I couldn't stand feeling like I was alone.' okay!! actually some solid ground for character development!! love that!!

seemingly Nicole can see ghosts?? that's my only guess about this scene. girl surprised she can see her, wants to eat but immediately drops the tray of food, have no idea what else would be going on there

Confirmation that sometimes non-mutants get thrown into the Institute. R.I.P. to Shawna (i'm guessing this character is the new Shawna)

Broooo finally a reason for Lea taking the top hammock!! They are known to snap, and Kristen would rather have Lea collapse onto her than the other way around. Which works well enough for this!

Kristen was Such a Mean Girl in high school omfg

Like even in this dream sequence! 'Josh thought that he was amazing, but he was really just an idiot that nobody liked, and I was the only one willing to tell him so.' they're both 13 year olds in this memory

(also wow another dream sequence already?)

'Tyrone was the greatest jock of our grade. If a girl didn't have at least a tiny bit of a crush on him, she was either insane or just plain out tasteless.' pretty unhinged thing to say, but i have to admit that i prefer this approach to the topic of ~boys~ than the old 'I've never seen a boy, actually, never looked at one twice, I've definitely never had a Crush that would be ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' of the first draft

'I wanted to make sure that Josh's day was as horrible as it could be.' GIRL PLEASE you Just rejected him brutally and publicly!!! leave the kid alone!

Kristen might be evil, actually. No other way to describe the way she just sent this dude essentially a 'kys' DM in his own brain (not quite That dark, but like... not far off)

Betty was actually in Kristen's class in school. Got caught as a mutant because while helping people lift up some heavy objects, 'had accidentally lifted up a teacher's car.' yk, as you do

'He introduced himself as 'Ben'. I doubted that we'd remember each other's names anyways.' hah, that's your love interest girly

'He looked over at me, startled to see someone else at this hour, and then just moved over so that I could sit. I didn't know why he would have done that, seeing as the hallway was super long, but appreciated it and sat down next to him anyways.' lol the visual of someone scooting over when literally the entire space is open is a lil silly

omfg Ben has essentially just admitted to Kristen that he has a lil crush on her and she is completely oblivious yet again

'Why that would matter while we were in a slave camp, I didn't know, but I decided that I wouldn't be rude.' omfg Kristen's really like 'bro, this dude's priorities are Whack' and she's so right

Okay I'm gonna stop here for now. If I cover ~8.8K in each part, I can get through it in a week. So!

Ending Thoughts

This story is definitely more put-together and 'well-crafted' than the first draft. I can tell that I was taking the project a bit more seriously than when I was writing about the 'one million scientists' and 'walking 20 miles in the time between sunset and nightfall'. Characters are a little more centered, the details align a little more cleanly, things like backstories and appearances a little more fleshed out. That said, I do a little bit miss the absolutely unhinged character voicing that the first draft had. Everything! Was! Important! All! The! Time! in such a goofy way. Taking myself more seriously I think constricted some of my allowance for these characters to take the narrative by the horns and lead it wherever they wanted it to go. And restraint can be a good thing, but it also loses a little bit of its character. That said, I'm loving to see how much of a distinct difference there is the writing between 2011 and 2012! Like clearly that was a good year for my craft, between Hell Hath Frozen Over's intentional absurdity, and now this!

[mrbrrop]

God..

Okay, so I've trying to remember stuff for my second autism assessment appointment (AAA is a perfect acronym) and I was thinking about meltdowns specifically,

I just kinda used to think that I hadn't really had public meltdowns in my life, but then I remembered 5 SEPERATE VERY PUBLIC MELTDOWNS

1 in elementary school where I started crying and yelling and hitting my head against the wall because of the sparing uniform and the heat of the gym we were in for class

A second one in middle school where I was forced to do kayak and at the start of the class some duchebag put a bunch of water in my kayak when I was already on the verge of a meltdown from the fact that I had to stay drenched in a shirt and shorts for 1h30! Then we started the activity where we had to get from point A to B and I keep getting caught in the fucking plant spikes on the side of the canal so I just started fucking crying and yelling until a teacher finally fucking came so I yelled at them and they just got annoyed and left me (a 12 yo) alone in the fucking canal whilst everybody else moved on, so I yelled and cried some more unable to fucking move the fucking boat so I started hitting the boat, myself, and the plants (I very fucking angry) and at the end someone finally came to help me and I FINALLY got out and proceed to sit in the locker room not moving or changing until everyone left and a teacher had to threaten to lock me in there whilst they went back to school with the rest of the class (I had very awful teachers)

A 3rd one at my mom's house (My mom who swears up and down she doesn't think I'm autistic) when I was 15 (something like that) and I was so overwhelmed by my clothes that I went upstairs in my room and got in my underwear, threw myself down on the bed and started crying, how I usually handle my meltdowns : privately. But then my mom comes upstairs to talk about something (don't remember what) and she just starts to touch me and try to hug me whilst I beg fucking BEG her to stop and she doesn't so I have to kick her off of my bed with my feet. And later, when I had calmed down a bit, I ask my mom to close the blinds with as much words I can manage so like 3, she does and starts fucking talking and asking me questions and shit which I don't answer (Cause 1 I can't, and 2 I don't want to), so she gives up and leaves (finally)

A 4th one at the start of this year when I was in the psychward and I had to wear a hair net (I cannot handle having stuff one my head at all (I can't even wear headphones)) because of lice or whatever so I refused and offered to stay in my room, shave my head, anything really but they kept insisting to point where they pinned me to a wall and forced one on my head, which I took off immediately obviously, and then they gave up and left my crying in the hallway, where the only thing I could do was silently hit the floor as hard as I could.. and then 2h later a nurse came to open my room.. (fucking hospitals..)

And a 5th one, like a month ago, where I was in physics and I had missed a class so I didn't understand what we were supposed to do so I tried asking the teacher but he would look at me like I was an idiot and proceeded to explain nothing and then the groups for the project formed but since I had missed a class I didn't have a group and no one would explain to me what we were supposed to do, so I put my head in my arms on the table started crying silently, until I couldn't stay quiet so I left the class and went to the bathroom, the teacher just said to tell him if when I left the class. Then, at some point, the teacher goes looking for me and finds me in the dark bathroom next to the class, sat behind the door, he proceeds to have a one-sided "conversation" with me then concludes that I'm coming back to class (which wtf? Cause I didn't say shit and shook my head no when he asked). Then, a school staff person comes to seek me out, and they ask me to write what happened and open me an empty classroom where I can calm down. (The least awful one of the bunch)(and the teacher gave me a 0 because I didn't do the project when I was only in his class for 10min tops (he's an insane ass that everyone hates btw))

All that to say I do have public meltdowns but I usually do everything in my power to seclude myself before it gets really really bad BECAUSE people are dickheads with no notion of boundaries and respect, so they end up making the meltdown so much worse to the point where it's actually fucking dangerous!

Which explains why the few public meltdowns that I remember only happened when I could not escape the situation.

[aaronfj77]

A little break from what I normally post here but since I'm American I want to talk about this for a sec...

Just a heada up... Tw: politics 😭

If you live in America, please vote 😭

The whole Gov. Gavin Newsom thing is so funny to me 😂 If you dont know, he signed a bill outlawing political misinformation basically saying "You should not be able to promote something that is known to be false as certain fact, and you can not use political figurs vocies and appearance to make them say something they wouldnt normally say" Sounds like a positive for everyone right? Less lies, more truth and sort of security in knowing people will be discouraged from using deepfakes right?

NOPE! Republicans took it as a personal attack on them 😂 He referenced a deepfake video that Elon musk re-tweeted that features Kamala's voice being used to say things she wouldn't normally say... and now Republicans are like rallying behind it?? 😂😂 They are literally on twitter going "Hes coming after us!! Hes trying to take away our rights to lie as much as we want! And hes trying to take away our right to make fake videos featuring a political figures voice agaisnt their will!!" Like wtf?! Do they think being able to manipulate media and lie purposefully to fear monger is a right?!?! Like for fucks sake! Show me where on the Bill of Rights it says "Elon Musk should be allowed to be angry at women online because hes a sad man child and repost actual propaganda as fact to millions."

Sorry for the rant! I know my page is definitely more liberal leaning but I needed to vent after a very stressful week of American Politics 😂😭 Love you all, Ill be back with morw voice videos soon!

[simbic]

...yeah once I got too deep in I just kinda forgot about the sims lol

Im going to write a very strongly worded letter to FromSoftware about Malenia

and Mohg.

Because FUCK MOHG

Out of the two of them, he was hands down the fucking WORST, but at least when I get shadow of the erdtree he'll already be out of the fuckin WAY

Stuff below, skip if you don't care lol:

To get through Malenia:

Lightest armor I had plus a talisman to increase equip load

Talismans: crits, greater attack power at low health, incantation potency

Reduvia

Golden Order Seal

White Mask

Swarm of Flies

Golden Vow

Lord's Heal

Black Knife Assassin Tiche's ashes (upgraded obvs)

Tiche IS KEY because Malenia STEALS HEALTH WHEN SHE HITS YOU (ffs), and she hits you a LOT if you can't roll away fast enough.

The skill on Tiche's blade is Blade of Death. It reduces base health by a percentage, and then does continuous damage over time, so this helps counteract the health steal. This, plus hemorrhage added up a LOT so once I landed on that combination, I then had to figure out how to deal with that god awful attack Malenia does.

The Waterfowl Dance made me so Goddamn angry, but once I could light roll, I could dodge that attack and take zero damage. When she's poised in the air preparing to perform that attack, be ready to roll back four times and the first two flurries will miss you. Roll forward and then away and the last flurry will also miss you. Dodging her regular attacks was pretty straight forward.

I also went with Reduvia because one of my friends suggested it for Mohg, and I don't do well with close combat (it's not my preferred style tbh). I have the rivers of blood katana and Eleonora's pole blade, but they didn't hit right for me. Reduvia throws out a blood arc and it was pretty effective.

Honestly, a lot of my deaths happened because I took my eyes off Malenia for like half a second. She's fast, you have to time everything, though Tiche admittedly throws off Malenia's patterns, so she might only perform the Waterfowl Dance once, or it gets interrupted.

it's just so much trial and error to get through some of these bosses oh my God. Maybe this will help someone who is stuck on either of these bosses.

As for Mohg, it was the worst, but

Banished Knight Engvall

Mohg's Shackles

Reduvia

Swarm of Flies

White Mask

Hoslow's Armor

Golden Vow

Erdtree Blessing

Lord's Heal

Purifying Crystal Tear in a mixed physick

Probably not everything, I may have had stars of ruin also, but i can't remember. Someone told me to just roll with bleed for Mohg, and i'm like, that makes NO SENSE, so I go to the wiki and wtf, he's weak to bleed damage. Like wtf, you're the LoRd Of BlOoD

do better

After that things admittedly were a bit easier. The purifying crystal tear basically neuters Mohg's three ring curse bs. He'll still perform it, and he'll still gain health, but you won't take any damage from it. If you don't have the tear, drink a flask between the second and third nihil, though it's just easier to have the tear.

Mohg's Shackles pins him down briefly so you can wail on him, but it doesn't work in the second phase. Which...HE FLIES IN THE SECOND PHASE. WOULDN'T THAT MAKE MORE--

you know what, nevermind. God, FromSoft. ugh

Golden Vow for damage and defense buff, Swarm of Flies for bleed, Reduvia for bleed. Banished Knight Engvall because he's tanky, does standard tank damage, and he can stay alive for the entire battle.

I'm finding the Mimic Tear to be a bit overrated. It was perfect in like selia where I was having issues with the vanishing sorcerers, but I've found in boss battles, they focus the Mimic Tear too much and it dies too quickly.

Frustrating as this game is, I am actually enjoying it a lot. This is my first souls like, and the trial and error, figuring out patterns and timing etc is always weirdly rewarding for me. I also really like piecing together the lore through the item descriptions and youtube etc, it gives a lot of depth to the game and I like having an explanation for why I'm doing the seemingly random thing I'm doing.

That said, I get hyper fixated on one thing when my mental health is fighting with me, and tbh it could be worse

Anyway i'm done ranting, because frankly, every time I think I've seen the worst thing in Elden Ring, it proves me wrong

[shall-we-go-far-away]

okay, okay ep. 5 & 6: holy shit that was one hell of a ride wasn't it? (maybe whoever is reading this also saw my panicked posts from wednesday, yes I was losing my mind)

I'll try to do this as structured as possible but I can't promise anything so prepare for it to be just as all over the place as wednesday's episodes.. get ready, buckle up I have a lot of things to say:

first and foremost: FUCK YOU TAEHYUNG!! I was trying to be nice last time giving him a second chance and all because yk, I thought maybe just because he was annoying once, doesn't mean he has to be all the time but fuck was I wrong.. is he genuinely so stupid that he doesn't realize how his words affect jaewon or does he just straight up choose to ignore it?? or is it simply the mixture of both because wtf dude?? this guy is so blinded by his jealousy it's crazy like bro, how about you try and make it less obvious?? and considering how angry and uncomfortable he makes me (and jaewon) I was sooo glad jihyun and aeri were there and so happy to see they quickly picked up on how jaewon reacted and then decided to team up against taehyung (rightfully so)

especially jihyun (my cute little bean) was so attentive the entire time he really took one look at jaewon and immediately recognized something was off.. and because he was watching him so closely his reaction to jaewon slamming his hand on the table came almost naturally

moving on to aeri, I still think she's a bit much but that's probably because I'm introverted as fuck and she's clearly not.. I do really like her and jihyun's dynamic and loved their little class-skipping-shopping-sequence like you go besties!!

back to the junior-senior get together: that cut to jaewon being absolutely wasted was kinda scary and really shows how much he's struggling with everything and that he doesn't know how to properly cope with it.. and this little part of dialogue really stuck with me so once again props to jihyun for this simple yet very deep response

"you're not acting like yourself."

"hey, what is 'acting like myself'?"

"that's up to you."

I just feel like jaewon never heard something like this, he always had to fit into this box that the people around him created for him so someone saying who you are is up to you is complete news to him

harsh cut to jaewon waking up and the flashback with his brother: that shit hurt!! for some reason I expected his brother to be closer to him age wise (not that this would make him dying any less horrible) but when I saw jaewon with this little boy that just shattered me and jaewon just sitting there sobbing and desperately trying to put the camera back together was so painful to watch

skip to the beginning of episode 6: the scene of them in the car was also kinda hard to watch seeing jaewon so out of it like he wasn't even fully there (a quick round of applause for lim jisub who portrays this haunted look very well) apart from that I really liked that even though jaewon didn't answer jihyun's question he didn't let go and kept asking until eventually he gets an answer from jaewon

and now we're at a point where things started to get a little confusing for me:

while watching I felt like something was off, I couldn't pinpoint what it was (most of the time my brain has all the pieces of information but I can't put them together) but the episode felt different and then I saw a post on here (I tried not to read too much because I wanted most of this post to be my own impression) that said we might be seeing everything from jaewon's blurry, medication induced view which is why some things don't seem to add up and I think that's true or at least somewhat close to what was happening

I was actually debating which route to go with because so many possibilities about what was actually happening in ep. 6 came to my mind at first I actually thought jaewon might've overdosed in the car and ep. 6 didn't happen at all but were a hallucination or nightmare (what made me think that was the weirdly bright lighting and everything looking kinda blurry which always was an indicator of a dream or something unreal happening in any sort of media I've ever seen) but I don't think so anymore I would actually go with what I mentioned above and this blurry look comes from jaewon's medication

OOOR they chose this lighting to show how this entire trips feels like a dream because it's only jaewon and jihyun, completely separated from other people and far from their actual lives so of course that feels somewhat dream like

what I'm trying to say is: I don't think the entire episode was fake

I think making it all fake would be a waste of an episode and judging from the rest of the show so far it doesn't really seem like something the creators would do.. I think?? (maybe that's why I want some of the theories here to be true so bad because I don't want this episode to be wasted as a dream or whatever)

I would also agree with others that jihyun is probably fine, maybe a little shaken and scared but not physically hurt.. I think we see the accident happen from jaewon's pov and he's imagining it way worse than it is

nonetheless that shit scared me, how the entire mood switched and went so dark all of a sudden and then jaewon screaming jihyun's name.. I think the worst part were the silent credits and damn, that silence was loud.. let's just say, I cried..

alright, I think that's it.. I kind of lost focus in the end so idk if I actually said everything I wanted to but I think I covered most of it

[mothsgotghosts]

Rising from the dead to complain about someone ELSE rising from the dead. That's right: Phillip Fucking Bitch Boy Graves.

In case I didn't make it clear I am I Graves HATER and I'm so mad that he's back. I'm not even necessarily mad that he's returned I'm mad about How. This is gonna be a long one so buckle up.

First of all: Phillip Graves seemingly returning and being set up for a redemption is a load of bullshit because, need I remind everyone of what happened during Alone. When he, oh yeah, KILLER INNOCENT PEOPLE??? Use the "Shepherd made him betray the 141 🥺" excuse all you want but he still Murdered innocent citizens of Las Almas and destroyed parts of their home under the assumption that Everyone Must Be Cartel. He killed people in front of their families under the assumption that they were cartel and mocked their language. And yeah, the 141 have done some pretty bad shit too, I won't deny that. There is a difference though, because Graves basically committed genocide.

Second, and this is much more minor but it's something that annoys me, wtf do you mean Graves wasn't in the tank?? Like? First of all, Graves took off long before Price and the pilot went down, meaning they should have seen him escape. Secondly, this, to me, sets Graves up as a coward. Now as much as I hate him, I will give Graves the fact that he is Not a coward. He runs headfirst into trouble to finish his objective, I do not believe for a second that he wouldn't be so confident in his abilities that he wouldn't have been in that tank. And if you wanna say "oh but there's no way he would survive" Alex survived a furnace explosion. How did Alex survive that but Graves couldn't survive a tank explosion?

And finally, my last big complaint is more focused on Farah. Farah who I love so much, Farah who in NO WAY WOULD WORK WITH GRAVES? Like, she's not an idiot, she isn't Incompetent, she's Farah MOTHERFUCKING Karim. And you're gonna tell me, she'd work with Graves. The same Farah Karim who has condemned her brother for using the gas that Barkov and his men used to mass murder her people, no matter his intentions. The same Farah Karim with her own moral code she follows closely, the same Farah Karim who witnessed first hand the horrors of a genocide against a marginalized group of people. You're telling me, she's working with Graves? I don't fucking believe you. Graves has done things that she actively condemns in mw2019. SHE WOULDN'T WORK WITH HIM!!!

And that's it, that's all I got. I am angry. The fact that we got Graves before Rudy too. Criminal honestly. The only thing about this season I'm enjoying are the new skins bc I will admit, there's some really good ones (Roze, Valeria, Price <3). Okay, the end, bye.

[g-goslower]

moving from anime for a second, I watched Dune Part 2 yesterday and I'm annoyed. Spoilers to the movie, the book and Dune Messiah after the cut.

look. Dune (the book) is very close to my heart. I love it, it makes me feel everything, it's so well written and the story is heartbreaking. I loved the first movie so much, I watched it several times, including a long travel to the closest IMAX theatre (2 trains and a bus). It captured the book perfectly and I felt like someone took my imagination and put it on the screen. absolutely marvelous.

Then came part 2. In the book, the things that happen after the first movie ends are insane. It becomes super intense, confusing as hell and so much fun to read, so I anticipated that movie like crazy. I didn't like it.

The good things in it: The fucking cinematography holy shit, but in terms of story, I only liked Paul's first solo ride and Feyd's gladiator fight. it was nuts.

The bad things: everything else.

I hated the way they wrote Chani. It felt like some propaganda to make her look badass, but Chani loves Paul more than anything, and she's a lot more religious in the book. She becomes a sayyadina when Jessica becomes a reverend mother, and takes a big part in the ceremony.

that ceremony was awful. in the book it's a whole thing, the entire sietch takes part in it. it's scary and awesome and thrilling, and it's not what I got and wanted in the movie.

Where tf was Alia??? She's supposed to be like 3-4 by the end of the movie, but Jessica doesn't give birth at all. Alia actually had a big part in their win over the emperor, so I hated that too.

speaking of Alia, why tf is she played by Anya Taylor Joy???? in Paul's vision???? worst casting yet.

going back to Chani and Paul, where tf is baby Leto?? they're supposed to have a child who is brutally murdered, Chani. is. not. a. fighter. making her a fedaykin is a ridiculous attempt in feminism and I hated that. They even had sex in the movie but not a word about her getting pregnant.

which brings me to the end of the movie. Paul takes Irulan to be his wife so he becomes the new emperor. in the book, she is his legal wife, but Chani is his lover and the only one he actually cares about. They even have a beautiful conversation about it in the end of the book. very emotional and sweet. In the movie, she's angry, she's hurt, and she runs away. WTF????????? NO??!?! I hate it.

if Denis is gonna made Dune Messiah as well, how tf is it going to connect?? that book is about their relationship. it's about how Irulan doesn't let Chani get pregnant, and Paul doesn't sleep with her. it's about Paul's love for Chani, it's tragic and it hurts and it's so sad, and it's the conclusion of Paul's life. it's 10 years after the first book.

also why aren't they referring to the fact that Kynes is Chani's mother?? (father in the book but fine whatever)

anyway this rant is a mess but I'm just really annoyed about this movie I drove for over 3 hours just to see it in IMAX and now I wish I didn't.

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Gather round my dears for a tale of ridiculous circumstance and woe.

On friday, the kids arrived. Saturday was to be the middle kid's birthday celebration so I was baking and decorating a cake that kept melting because the Dallas/Ft Worth area is currently the surface of the fucking sun. From behind me I hear my name said in the voice of the youngest, Zel.*

(*she's recently become my shadow.... a very needy shadow... because her mother had a baby a couple months ago & is one of those types that will abandon anything or anyone for newer. She left a cat she had prior to being with The Man when they divorced. Now, 3 yrs later she has new cats, dog, hamster, and husband.)

I turn around to look (because she probably wants to show me some minecraft things) just in time to see her open her mouth and projectile vomit on the wood floor in the middle of the hallway. I run over & try to ascertain wtf is happening when she opens her mouth again for a repeat performance. The eldest, Vin (approaching 14 but has ODD and zero respect for women in authority thanks to his mother), came out of his room to see what was going on just in time to see me pick up a crying, freaked out Zel (about 50 lbs) to carry her to the bathroom, attempt to use my excessive amount of leg length to step over the puddle, only to misjudge. I slipped with her in my arms and hit wood with the left side of my ass and back. She was still in my arms and I made sure she landed on me.

I must have looked BAD because Vin immediately asked if I needed my wheelchair (which they've never seen me use). I said no and asked if he could take Zel to the bathroom for me while I got up. He came back after getting her set up & asked if I was sure, then helped me up. After she said she was done, I cleaned the mess on the floor while he took it upon himself to clean out a small trash can & put a new bag in for her to carry with her just in case. Then he hung out with her while I showered because I was covered in it.

This was all during the 15 mins The Man was at the store.

Anyway, I'm 90% sure my tailbone broke or I fractured that back left pelvis area. My ass is swollen and I can't bend/squat down at all. Like I can't use our front loading washer or dryer without crying... and it's now Tuesday.

So I've been told not to do too much lest I injure myself further. The result is that I spent nearly all of yesterday playing Breath of the Wild.** The Man basically threatened 'trouble' if I did much more than that today.

** this is my first run because i get angry with my lack of eye hand coordination and fine motor skills.

[wasteofbandagesxx]

Bsd x reader

Hunting dogs in a nutshell part 6

"God damn Jouno, when will you stop whining like a bitch!?" "Me!? A bitch! Oh your fucking next-" "that's enough Jouno!"

Tecchou was now using crutches so he could walk. The poor dude can never get a break from getting beat. The blind man scoffed at him and turned away from him. "You guys are so annoying. Especially you, Tecchou. Always making weird food combinations, working out to the point where the room smells. Stabbing my foot and lecturing me when I'm interrogating. I hate you so much." Y/n snickered at Jouno's childish words and actions. He's like an angry kid who got their candy stolen. "Oh calm down, Jouno. Why don't you go outside and get some fresh air aye? Calm down and stop acting like a baby." "But he-" "Now..."

Y/n gave him an icy glare, and Jouno could feel it, a chill going down his spine as he took a step back. "Fine... whatever." And with that, he walks away. "Thanks Y/n, I can finally relax in peace without getting beat." He gave Y/n a genuine smile, showing his teeth. Y/n felt kinda weird, a giddy feeling, actually. "Your welcome. Happy to help!" Y/n smiled back at him, showing their pearly whites as well. "How's your leg feeling?" "Oh its getting a little better. Needs more healing though. I'll need to take a break from going on missions for a while for about a week or two I guess."

"That's good. I'll go check on the caption and see if he's doing ok. He's probably hung over from all that drinking, yknow." Tecchou nodded and let Y/n walk away. Tecchou watched as they left the room. He was somewhat feeling strange. Butterflies were in his stomach all of a sudden. "Their smile is cute..." he mumbled, smiling to himself.

Meanwhile, Y/n went to check on Fukichi. "Sir, are you alright?" They asked, entering his office. "Yes Y/n I'm quite alright. Though I do have a headache." Y/n sighed as they handed him a glass of water, Fukichi gladly took it from them and chugged it down. "You should really stop with the drinking contest. It's not good to drink alcohol almost every days" Fukichi has an addiction to drinking challenges. Hell, he's even a god damn alcoholic. The old man doesn't take a break from drinking. He hardly drinks any water. "Nonsense! There is no harm in drinking. you're just being dramatic." Fukichi said, putting the empty cup down on his desk.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! MY HAIR IS RUUIIIIIIINNEEEDD!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" "Wtf is that?..."

"Teruko must've got into another fight. Either her hair was cut horribly, or it got burnt. Who knows." Suddenly, the door was slammed open. "I NEED SOMEONE TO FIX MY HAIR! YOU THERE! COME HELP ME FIX MY HAIR!" Teruko demanded. The bitch was a fucking savage. Almost half of her hair was burned off. "Ok, ok! Sheesh!" Y/n grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out of the room, taking her to the bathroom. Whenever Teruko had trouble with something, she always gets help from Y/n.

A while later, they walked out of the bathroom. The little girls hair was fixed. Was a little shorter than it was, but it was hardly noticeable. "Thank you Y/n chan!" "Your welcome. Let's go see what Tachihara is up to. He should be back from his mission." "Alright!!"

Tachihara came back from his mission, he parked his motorcycle and took off his helmet. "Welcome back kiddo." "Tachiharaaaa!!" The poor man was tackled to the ground rather aggressively by the little girl. He was also squeezed into a death hug. "I missed you so much!! You've been gone forever!!" "T-Teruko....can't....breathe!"

Y/n giggled at the scene. They felt like a parent. Despite Teruko being 32, she acts childish. "I'm telling you! The cream is better!" "No, I think the cookie is better." "Your disgusting Tecchou!!" The other two boys make their way to the others as they argue about food. "What's all the fuss about??" Y/n asked. Jouno huffed and asked, "Which part of the oreo do you think is better? Cream or cookie?" "Uhhhh"

"Jouno, don't include them..." "Shut up!! The cookie is not better than the cream! It doesn't even taste that good." "But it does though, it's what makes the oreo good."

"That's it. Teruko, Tecchou said that your an ugly fat little princess. And that your the worst hunting dog." Teruko immediately stopped breathing and squeezing the life out of Tachihara. She slowly turned around to face the 3 people. "He what?..." "yeah, he said all that. He even said that you should go play with your dolls and stuff."

Teruko was pissed. She didn't take it too kindly. "That does it. Jouno!!" Jouno picked up the little girl like she didn't weigh a pound.

"Jouno dont you dare." "Oh shit-" Jouno raised her up high and screamed out loud. "Teruko go get him!" "Jouno wait! She's not a God damn Pokémon!" Tecchou turned heals and started running for his life, though he was struggling because of his broken foot and crutches. "Kill that bitch!"

-YEET-

He threw her at Tecchou. "TERUKO NO-"

To be continued ->

[flames-memory]

Friday

I woke up to Eliza and BC, having conversations. BC gave her control over the shutdown thing. I like Eliza.

BC made us a big asian spread, with rice and beef and onions and this custardy stuff with veggies. I saved some for Max.

Taking to Eliza, she brought up some good points. The one that **really** sticks with me was about how I feel about my life. The way I don't feel connected so much, to who I was. The old me, angry, lonely, detached from my emotions, used by everyone around her. Then everything changed. Suddenly I felt stuff, I was happy, Loved, cared for, everything was different. It feels like two different people, I forget who I used to be. I forget to remember the bad stuff. That seems... Good. But Eliza pointed out it might dissociation or something.

She talked a bit about the spirit/psychic stuff. I can't say I follow all that. My fault, I didn't understand it, so my brain just kinda goes all white noise.

We watched the northern lights display, and then liza fell asleep. BC took her home. She was going to text me, but she got caught up in stuff.

problems with Flan and Afterhours.

I met up with Max...and who should we run into but Mark! I was so surprised. He was always so kind to me. He felt terrible... he didn't realize what was going on with me back then. Felt he should have done stuff... but I'm not sure I was even ready yet, that I knew things wer wrong.

Sounds like He and Delia are doing well, but MC not so much. That's too bad. The three of them were sweet.

Sat

Woke up to BC. We stayed in bed for a while, pretending we didn't need to go anywhere or do anything. After she showed me again how much she loves me, she had me connect to her shutdown pact. Now, I can... control her? Shut her down? It's bit vague to me yet, but I'd do anything to keep her safe; we went out to the masquerade. Faye was her arm candy, with me on the other.

BC had told me about Faye. I knew she was trying to help her. Didn't realize they were reenacting our first weekend, texting and realizing things are so much bigger than we thought.

Am I jealous? I thought at first, maybe a little. No, it's not that, but more.. I didn't know her, and I didn't trust her. I don't think that's jealousy. I only needed to know that she wasn't going to feel the need to compete. I'm not... If she pushes me out, I'll be out. I don't know if I can fight like that... that is my fear. Not losing her love, just being... crowded out. Ahhh... it's not the worst insecurity. Being eclipsed and forgotten? Just a new iteration of my fear of being invisible, a nonperson... It didn't happen.

Faye was nice, she was encouraging. I want to trust her. Early days now. We will see.

While we were there, we went to say hi to Bunni. WTF was with Flann walking over?? Lockdown got shot in the knee. Flan was being pushy... And BC got funny.. and I realized it was the pact thing. I went to her, holding her up, and getting her away.

I think I said two things to Flann...

"Why even are you?"

and

something about not letting BC waste her efforts on something as unworthy as Flann. Not sure I made sense.

She stayed away the rest of the night; We danced and had fun;

We got the tour, it was pretty neat. I hate that I can't just fucking chat with people. Pretty sure I gave a shit impression. Bad enough dude forgot I was standing there at the end.

Don't wanna be invisible, dumbass, stop being invisible. More on this later, cuz I'm stupid.

We went to have tacos, with Murinae. Bunni popped in. I know Bunni told Flann off, while we were seeing to BC. We ate, chatted, and it was nice!

Bunni took off, and BC took Murinae, Faye and I to the donut strip club. it was fun, everyone took a turn dancing. I wasn't going to... but after Faye and Murinae talked about it a while, I gave it a try. I learned I don't care if people see me naked.. but I'm not super comfortable insisting on being the center of attention.

Murinae had to go, and the three of us fell asleep together. I held Faye's hand.. I don't know her well enough to feel more. I think there is potential, but I need to spend more time with her. She might not like me, for all I know, so my opinion might not matter.

I have to figure this shit out. I can't be invisible, but I can' t demand attention. I want to chat, but I have nothing to say,..except jokes. And those are not always welcome. I need to figure my shit out!!

Sun

BC and Eliza are having such a hard time; Eliza keeps getting.. i guess psychic attacked?? by her primal alter. Bitch got issues with happiness. It's some stupid shit, causing problems for others. Of course, BC blames herself.

"I make her too happy."

seriously? That's not you causing the problem. That feels like a good way to push someone away. THAT you blame on Eliza's alt.. and maybe some on Eliza. She doesn't have anyone else in her life making her happy?? Pretty sure she does. So how is this in any way BC's fault?? Bullshit. On top of the whole "too happy is bad' bullshit. Grrr. I don't like this. BC of COURSE feels like she has to pull back.

I don't wanna be suspicious, but apparently, I'mma suspicious bitch. I feel like Eliza might be telling the truth, and this is a big dramatic mess.... but the fact that the obvious solution has been deemed "impossible", it feels like they're giving up too easy.

Like a someone wanted an escape hatch. A way to make someone leave, by their own volition, instead of having to make them leave.

Either way, it's breaking BC's heart, and that kills me. She should always be happy. And then there's Faye. Eliza needing space isn't enough, BC already seeing the problems.

Faye got a wife, I think. Like a monogamous thing. Thing is, the wife been MIA like a YEAR. And Faye falling for BC, it looks like. BC all upset about this being an affair.. but if Faye is monogamous, AND she's in love with BC, then she's OVER her wife. Wife shouldn't ABANDON their spouse and expect them to WAIT. Not like this. And Faye isn't monogamous, then also fine.

plus, they haven't seen each other ina year? Plus however much more time passes? They won't even know each other anymore.

PLUS she might not ever come back! So.. why be sad?

Side note: again, I like Faye. BUT... she's lonely, neglected, beautiful, bold, sexy, gay.. ffs she was DESIGNED to be BC bait. That.. bugs me. Maybe that is just coincidence... but it would also be the BEST way to get close enough to REALLY hurt her. That scares me, because there ARE people who seem to want to hurt her. Faye would be an EXCELLENT WEAPON, specifically against BC.

I don't know why I trust some people so easily, right or wrong. Others I don't. When BC is involved, I hope I stay suspicious. I can't protect her all the time, she's impossible to keep up with, and I'm terrified she's going to help someone out and land herself in water to hot for even me.

We will see where all this goes, and whether or not I'm right to be so suspicious.

[thehyperfixationspeedrunner]

OK, first impressions of TTDP, but I am in school and I do not have access to the lyrics and my first language is not english so I don't get half of them.

Fortnight - I love it, they're voices match so well, which I was not expecting

TTPD - way lighter production than I was expecting, really fun to listen to

My boy only breaks his favourite toys - Oh, this is angry, I love it. It's giving a bit Mr. Perfectly Fine in the lyrics, can't explain it

So long, London - THIS GURL DOES NOT BREATH. Almost every song until now at a certain time start having a faster pace with no stops. It's giving Hermes from Epic: the musical.

But daddy I love him - so love story but with an idgf Juliet, I love it.

Fresh out the slammer - fun listen, didn't mark me

Florida - WTF WAS THIS. WHOEVER DECIDED TO PUT FLORENCE + THE MACHINE AND TAYLOR TOGETHER NEEDS TO BE KISSED ON THE MOUTH. I HOPE YOU ALWAYS FIND THE COLD SIDE OF THE PILLOW AND YOU NEVER STEP ON A LEGO. THEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER, WTF

Guilty as sin? - it's giving red. Don't ask me why, idk. Also, the last chorus starting without any instrument 😩👌

Who's afraid of little old me - I, what? This was amazing, my mouth was opened the whole time, the CHILLS THAT I GOT. If I was alone I would be screaming. Favourite production FOR SURE. Also my my was going jude, jude, jude, jude, jude, the whole time so that's a bonus

I can fix him (no really I can) - the delusion and the fact that it ended with "whoa maybe I can't" *chef's kiss*. Also I need an acoustic version and to play this on a guitar

loml - wrf was that ending? The background voices? The LOSS of my life? Anyways this was what I was expecting from the album, very folklore, love it

I can do it with a broken heart - this pre chorus was another perfect example of the fast-paced, where the hell is she breathing, music parts. Also I'm imaging her singing the chorus with the biggest fakest smile, which makes everything so much better

The smallest man who ever lived - that bridge... I am fucking speechless, that was something. Also she took a breath between the first chorus and the second verse like she is bracing herself, I'm gonna cry

The Alchemy - honestly, a vibe, I feel like that are so many lyrics passing over my head, but there is a woman speaking so loud in a fucking library, so I can't hear shit. Also, the door is open and it's break time

Clara Bow - ok, I'm late for class but I've finished the album. Need to search all those names and again, I feel like the meaning of the song passed over me, but it sounds awesome.

[therealjammy]

Well, the IRL best friend and I finished TLOU2 Remastered this afternoon and spent the rest of the day going through most of the behind the scenes stuff--there's still more to get through and I'm thrilled. My thoughts will be beneath the cut, so you all don't have to scroll through a massive post lol

(Also, this will contain game spoilers, for my followers who haven't played it/watched it but may want to; please keep that in mind!)

So as you might know, this was my first time actually experiencing the game by playing it myself; I watched other people play it when it was first released in 2020 (nearly four years ago! WTF), and let me tell you, the narrative points that hit me hard while watching other playthroughs hit me so much harder when it was me who was controlling the character, or watching the cutscenes with the controller in my hands. The one that filled me with the biggest knot of hot dread in my stomach was the game's ultimate climatic fight between Abby and Ellie on the beach in Santa Barbara. It was an incredible experience the first time around in watching (and many watches since), but the incredibility was tenfold, I feel, not only because I was in control of the moments and how long the fight really lasted, but because Abby is a character that has wormed her way into my heart and has a permanent place there; I didn't want to harm her, I didn't want to press the button when prompted, etc.; and the catharsis I felt, when Ellie lets her go, was an even bigger brick to the face.

Naturally, after finishing the game, we watched the documentary of the making of--something that got me incredibly excited, when it was first announced, because as a creative person I love seeing how a project of this scope gets made, from the initial concept to the process of building it and to the final product, and all the people it takes to bring it to life. My thoughts on this are a little scattered, and I'll definitely have to watch it again to gain a clearer picture, but I can definitely say it was inspiring and emotional to watch. Everyone, from the higher-ups at the studio to the entry-level people, the writers and artists and actors and sound designers, etc., was so goddamn passionate about this game, even when it hit challenges and roadblocks, and seeing them overcome those to create the best game possible was inspiring. It was lovely to see higher-ups recognise the culture of their studio and how the crunch isn't a very healthy working environment for anyone to work in, and acknowledge that that needs to change (though it was, in my view, slightly disappointing that it took a pandemic and a radical shift of working remotely to realise that).

The part that really got me angry and emotional was when Laura Bailey came on and described the visceral hate and death threats she received for portraying Abby, and how those same people threatened her newborn son, and how she had to make certain that none of these threats came from anywhere local due to safety reasons--and I had to pause and absorb and breathe, because I could not, for one, imagine being in such a position, and two, couldn't believe the fucking audacity and lengths that people--"fans"--will go to when they don't like something, or a character and those actions that character does. I'll never understand how people cannot separate an actor from their character, or what makes them think they can send death threats to a complete stranger who was merely doing their job (and doing it with passion and love and nuance). I know I shouldn't try to; it'll only lead down a black rabbit hole. All I can say, now, is that no one else could have played Abby with such nuance and heart, or brought her to such vivid life that I would stand in that character's corner and take up sword and shield for them.

I'll have more thoughts later, I'm sure, but for now, this is where I'll leave it. Very excited to continue digging into the BTS, and to play the game again with the commentary!