#she says faggot affectionately

[jervis-tetch-my-beloved]

[call-me-chips]

do you have any Nevermore headcanons? 😇

Sorry this took so long to answer but the thoughts were marinating >:3

My friend and I just went on a long debate, contemplating many many Nevermore hcs, so here's a bunch of the characters' swearing/cursing hcs we came up with:

Berenice swears a fair amount, and once taught Eulalie all/most of the swear words she knows because she was curious, but Eulalie doesn't know how often one should swear, so she ends up cursing a ton, and at seemingly random times. And due to her nice and somewhat innocent demeanor, it always surprises people to see such profanity coming out of her mouth

Will used to not swear at all - the furthest he'd go being "gosh darn it" - , but Montresor called him a wuss and convinced him to swear a bit more, though he's still a bit unsure and doesn't say much more than the occasional "fuck"

I feel like it goes without saying that Montresor swears a bunch, though I feel like he'd particularly enjoy calling women "bitches" or "whores" (whether affectionately or not). A bit off topic, but I feel like he also says "fag/faggot", and even though he's absolutely gay, he's in denial and and thinks he's straight, but he says it anyways (Either that, or he knows he's gay but makes everyone think he's straight to get a reaction when he uses the slur). Also I'm torn on whether or not he'd use the lord's name in vain, but I'm leaning more towards he doesn't

Ada says it's unladylike to swear. Doesn't swear at all around people. Swears a ton when no one's looking

Prospero doesn't swear often at all, and tries to avoid foul language, tho if he were to, say, stub his toe, a quiet little "shit" would slip out and he'd play it off like he didn't say anything

Annabel was taught not to swear by her family. She was taught that it was unladylike and improper, especially for someone of her status, so she tries to avoid it. Though when she's having a panic attack, she'd mumble strings of curses like "shit shit shit shit shit shit..."

Morella doesn't swear. She believes cursing is like, actual cursing, and doesn't wanna curse anyone. She comes up with her own little cusses like "son of a breadstick" or "you pillow-brained brat" or something

Poppet swears a fairly normal amount. Not a ton, but she'll swear occasionally,,, EXCEPT for when she's around the deans. Then the worst she'll go is "Oh fiddlesticks"

Dolly swears like a sailor. You cannot pry this headcanon away from me. She stubs her toe and all of a sudden you're discovering swear words you didn't know existed.

Another Berenice one that I like is that she uses a lot of "masculine" swearing, iykwim. Like, she'll often say things like "Suck my nuts!" or "My dick's bigger than yours!", things like that. Everyone gets so confused and she thrives off of that

Duke only swears in French, which means he gets to say the most foul and offensive things because no one can understand him. Also I feel like he'd come up with the most creative and out-of-pocket insults, which he'd also speak in French

Those are all the ones I remember. Sadly, I don't remember which ones we came up with for Lenore, Pluto, Merry, and Mourn :(

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

maty x remus but 😱😱😱 they r in muggle au + none of them kts + happy ending (PLEASEEEEEEEE)

mary's stupid ugly boyfriend <33

mary is remus' bi awakening (he thought he was 100% faggot...) when they're like thirteen and mary's like a friend of a friend of a friend (remus's friend peter's friend marlene's friend mary) and they barely ever talk but remus thinks mary is the prettiest girl in the world and he's very awkward and makes bad jokes whenever they're together (rare) and laughs too hard. mary thinks he's endearing but weird and cringe and she has no reason to like him (ugly, poor, weird) but she's like... i'll keep you around ig.

they get a bit closer when mary and sirius become friends in like fifthhhish year because sirius brings mary around to the dorm (usually so she brings lily for james etc etc) and remus is still in love with her but shyer so he just offers chocolate awkwardly and recommends her books based on whatever he sees her reading. mary's like i'm on a diet and i've read that but um... okay. she doesn't hate him she literally has no feelings on him and forgets he exists the minute he's out of sight, and remus is glad for that because 1) if she knew him she'd hate him 2) she's clever & would find out he's a werewolf 3) he would go insane worrying over what mary thought of him BUT it also sucks because he just wants mary to like him, too

exam season comes around and mary's doing an internship and she can't study a lot, she goes to lily but lily's snarky (affectionate) and sirius and he's snarky (derogatory) and she's still in sirius' dorm, thinking of going to maybe james or dorcas when remus comes in from the library and she thinks waitt a minute...

so remus "tutors" mary (summarizes and colour codes all her notes then reads them out to her) and they actually get to talking. mary's sweet and pretty and funny and remus' feelings increase tenfold and he would literally die for her, she touches his arm and makes fun of his handwriting and, once, she touched his face when brushing back the hair from his forehead and he literally short circuited and died

mary starts developing a crush on him and she hatesss it she's like i don't DO romance for personal feelings ewww (<- lie. she is lying to herself. she's fallen for everyone she's dated.) and she tries to bully him around and she feels so bad because he gets all quiet and apologizes and brings her a gift the next day ,,,. once exam season is over and summer break starts she forgets him and dates some muggle boy from her neighbourhood but once she's back remus is still nice and cute and thinks they're friends and mary finds that insulting, a little, because her social circle is elite and small, but she knows remus doesn't know that because he doesn't know any gossip and she hates that she knows that but it's. whatever. she's totally not warming up to him again. she's totally detached and only hangs out with him because if she doesn't he'll be lonely.

and thenn he asks her out on valentines day, and she says yes and remus spends his entire life trying to please and mary and mary kisses him w her full heart and they have two kids and get married and buy a little house on a farm and raise sheep together <33

[madamefeu]

Which characters in Hazbin Hotel can say the F word that means a not nice word for gay? Here’s another list:

Charlie: She can say it, but chooses not to. She would never say it, even to the higher ups of Heaven

Vaggie: Can say it, regularly says it to insult the hotel guests because let’s be real she hates everyone

Angel Dust: He can absolutely say it, and he calls himself a faggot on the regular

Husk: Can say it, but doesn't say it. There are far worse words for him to say, and he'll use those instead

Alastor: Can't say it, but he has far too much class to say it even if he could

Niffty: Can't say it, but thinks that she can because she has one gay friend (Angel). Alastor has taken to covering her mouth when she tries to say it in public

Cherri Bomb: She can say it, and when she does it sounds like she's calling you an affectionate nickname rather than a slur

Sir Pentious: He can say it, but only because it meant a bundle of sticks in his time period. If he wasn't from a time before it became a not nice word for gay, he wouldn't be allowed to say it

Rosie: Can't say it, but if she did it would sound like she's calling you sweetheart, like, she is so lovely

Lucifer: No, he cannot say it. He’s not a twink, he just likes being short and pathetic so that he can get powerful women to step on him. If being stepped on by women was a sport, he’d win the gold medal every time

Lillith: She is a hot goth dommy mommy, she can say it

Vox: He's dating another man, he can say it

Valentino: Can say it, but he never does because he'll use much worse words on his employees than faggot

Velvette: She calls Vox and Valentino faggots under her breath to get through her day. She can say it

Adam: Can't say it, but says it anyway and no one can stop him because he's too high ranking for anyone in Heaven to do anything about him saying it

Lute: Can say it, but won't say it unless you call her it first

Sera: Can say it, but never would, because unlike Adam, she wants to uphold the standards of Heaven

Emily: Doesn’t know the word, and lord help us the day she finds out because she’ll use it as the legal definition without realising that it’s a slur

[kirkwall-idiot]

Ok guys it's story time:

Earlier this year me and some of my friends (all of us are queer, it's important for later) started watching House M.D and obviously since we all have eye we zeroed in on House' and Wilson's dynamic and started affectionately calling them "those fucking faggots" ("i froci di merda" in italiano se vogliamo essere accurati sulla terminologia) when we were talking about them with each other.

Cut to a couple of months later and I'm out drinking with some straight friends of mine that at the time I was not out to and for whatever reason while we were talking I started to retell them the plot of a random House episode and ended it by talking about something House and Wilson did in the episode calling them "those fucking faggots" out of habit. After this I went back to sipping my piñacolada as I failed to notice a sudden silence around the table until one of my friends rightfully said "you shouldn't talk like that. It's pretty offensive you know?" and it took me honest to god a full 5 seconds, during which I kept on drinking the piñacolada, to realize what the hell she was talking about before I started to laugh and explain why "no, no chill it's fine I can say that actually".

And that is the story of how a 20 year old show is the reason behind my coming out to part of my friend group.

Grazie Gregory ❤️

[verdemoun]

sean and lenny should do the trend where one of them gets maeve to tell them to shut up in front of the other to see their reaction

maeve the modern era van der linde macsummers

first time she uses fuck in a correct sentence she when she was three, tripped over, said 'fuck' under her breath and then got up and kept walking. sean was trying very, very hard not to laugh while lenny was mortified

she picks up most of her cussing from sean, who can't help the fact fuck has been part of his vocabulary since he was 12. maeve knows pretty much every cuss word by the time she is 5

because maeve macsummers thrives on attention: positive or negative: they are under strict instructions not to react when she swears. this is very very difficult because she knows how damned cute she is and that it's objectively funny seeing a rosy cheeked toddler swear like a sailor

one day when sean and lenny were being particularly loving and cute, karen rolls her eyes and affectionately called them faggots. the color drained from very single person's face as maeve merrily repeated 'faggots' at the top of her lungs. as they all screamed no, the glint in maeve's eyes told them she had found her new favourite word

she would not stop saying it. they bribed her, they begged, they tried time outs. nothing. first gang catch up after they are begging her please do not say it and instead she skips her way around with abigail jr diagnosing with shocking accuracy all the gays in her family

in her teens though maeve is just a modern era girl who does all the tiktok trends. she's made hosea hold a jacket for a flea, she's (with permission) yelled at sean to shut up only for lenny to walk in and give her the whole you do not speak to your father like that lecture, she asked lenny if the fact she is his daughter means she has an n-word pass only to cut off when lenny says 'go on then' and she panics, 'quick dads there's water running out of the bathroom', to the point lenny and sean had to start watching tiktoks to know which prank would be coming next

when she attempted the 'calling parents by first name prank' they were ready. of course they have only ever called lenny lenny and when he said 'you know my name's leonard, right?' maeve short-circuted and they posted her reaction to finding out she didn't actually know her dad's government name

[architeuthis3]

the dinner plates are landscapes of the mind each set of eyes looks at what's described and every knife cuts into a piece of me. the meat of the feast. absent. complete.

i love you, and she wept.

i wonder if she pulled a hair off of her pussy's edge for the effect. liar. manipulative. drunk. meth head. whore (and still more than i can or could afford).

and that's the best this life can expect.

nothing before nothing after since.

and the bitterness. felt when any hand is held, when a simple affectionate kiss is witnessed. the only thing keeping the skin stitched over my wrist is a will to piss in all of the faces i hate. let's see who's in the wake of my fate. dumb shit slut who thinks anyone not watching faggots chase a scrap of leather around a screen with their hand stuck down the front of their fucking pants is gay. artist? what? what the fuck is that. just here to shit out brats and die a like a disgusting pig. ignorant and wallowing in shit. where'd the alien implant stuffed old hag go? wonder what planet she drifted to after the frequent flyer card was cut in two by the airport attendant after the attempted murder over not wanting to walk through

another set of metal detectors. Zubenelgenubian alloys apparently aren't as advanced as the average key chain. damn things keep setting the detectors off. you sure it's not the copy of close encounters of the third kind vhs crammed in your skull where a brain might have been? or the tin man's cock you kept in a jar under the bed stuffed up your ass for safe keeping?… either would be a more reasonable explanation you know. but hey, everyone's got a show to show and a part to play on this stage.

now i just say.

no money baby. and that ends the relationship. preemptive strike they call it. masturbation coasts me through the day if i get off twice once in the morning and once at night, and paper towels don't use zangi… or transmit AIDS. conversations with the voices in my head are ok, sufficient to fuel a life with rage, pain, betrayal, sorrow and doubt. all that most get between the kisses from there significant others as far as i can tell. that and the children hoping they die and burn in hell.

i don't collect the cardboard signs from the homeless anymore. too close to ignore the panic felt with every trip to the store to buy milk and enough prepackaged food to stay upright. and going. nowhere. no hope of anything again. in this life. but i'm here so i try. it's beautiful at times. in the morning gold light catches the new blooms on the trees. cherry white pink. green lime aspen eyes weep. and the birds i can't afford to feed, but i do anyway. big 20lb. bag of seeds. take it in at night so the cannibal racoon tribes don't steal it. go ahead and shoot a round into the air, they just pause and stare, then go back to fucking up your hummingbird feeder… so, i just bring them in. at dusk, and put them back up. in the morning. wars run against the grain and it's hard to muster enough hate to wage a war through the hopelessness. where was i oh yes. the beauty seen felt and dreamed is enough it seems to keep the bullet in the gun the wrist stitched, and the noose unstrung. i love the colors run. down the page and the canvas saves a mother's son. who would rather see him locked up. because he reflects badly on her calculated smile, phony life, soulless mechanized motion and i wonder why… i had to fall in love with a whore just like her. distant eyes and all emotion severed in order to survive. a societal plague. disconnect. never express. anything. that is their weapon. when they can see. anything sincere. kill it. maim it and laugh. lord of the fly's teaches quite clearly. the result. tribes of illiterate masochistic button mashing tik tok lip sync happenings. cult worshipping, bad acting. and this is the world in which your napping cat stretches and blinks slowly. the only sincere eye contact you'll ever have again. i love you too. too bad the end, came before the begin. now again. and again. and again. find an ocean. in this desert mountain. an oasis to swim.

the dinner plates are landscapes of the mind each set of eyes looks at what's described and every knife cuts into a piece of me. the meat of the feast. absent. complete.

the blue one

[blood-injections]

You know what. Rundown of my killjoy ocs becuase I don’t i ocpost enough

Ignition Wizard-

He/it, transmasc, my self insert. Zoneborn but never really had a crew, host of the radio station Lucky 107.7 , which he broadcasts from the bus he lives out of, always on the move, in zone two one day and six the next. Just a funky dude. Will give you free tattoos if you ask.

Cal-e Condor

Agender they/it amab. Ummm gay weirdo, wacky name, you just say it like Cali as in California Condor. Cowboy. Has twin bedazzled blasters and carrys daggers. Wears a crazy tasseled leather jacket with a thunderbird painted across the back. Lots of piercings and tattoos, currently has braids down to their fucking knees. Hottest mf in the zones honestly. Lone wolf, no crew but lots of friends, really outgoing and bold/flamboyant but simultaneously quiet and mysterious? Absolutely fucks on the dance floor. Engineer.

Virtuoso Viper

Comes off as an asshole but is actually cool. He/xe dirtbag transmasc. Lowkey Condor’s homoerotic rival. Cocky bastard of a motorbike racer. He has a crush on Kobra Kid and it’s kind of pathetic. Can fly a plane, at least he claims he can. There’s no planes in the zones. He wants to build one. Sings and plays guitar in a little folk punk band with his best friend. He can often be spotted hanging out at the tip of that one old radio tower by the Nest(it’s the tallest one in the zones), he loves to climb but really needs to stop before he falls and breaks something. Also he has orange hair but a key lime green blaster it’s so fucking ugly. He has zero style. At least he’s confident.

Mold Moth

He/she amab but not cis. Nobody is cis. Um. Biggest faggot in the zones. He idiolized Mad Gear so hard he became a younger, nastier version of him. Like Mad Gears a crazy guy but Mold is fucking batshit, like something is actually seriously wrong with him but whatever, he’s cool. He’s fueled by anger issues and gay sex and dreams of being the main character in 80s horror films because he thinks it’d be fun. He named his band Mold Moth and the Rot in Your Hole and his music kind of sucks but in a sexy way. He wants to eat button batteries so bad, like by the handful like mnms. Fucking Freak(affectionate)

Miss Lithium

Dommy mommy. Who said that. Genderless giant. She/they/he/it/fucking anything they don’t care. Over six feet tall. Badass, goth, etc. DJs sometimes, can build bombs. Smokes weed and fucks. Not in a crew, lives with Prince Computer and they’re technically dating but the relationship is open. Is secretly scared of death.

Prince Computer

No one actually calls him that, sure it’s his name but one day he saw the word smorzando written on some sheet music and was like that would be a cool name.. and now he’s stuck with it. He doomed himself, his girlfriend won’t call him anything but Smorz. (S’mores). It’s cute. He/it, Fun Ghoul coded, as in he’s a dog of a guy, fucking puppy ass mf, assigned bottom by literally everyone and they’re not wrong. Kind of a slut, flirts with everybody, is a medic. Writes fucking angsty poetry he’s absolutely pathetic I love him. The most little meow meow out of my ocs.

Saint Silica

Haven’t decided much about this oc yet but they’re doomed by the narrative basically. What I do know is they’re cool and people are scared of them because they’re like, literally ghostly in a way. they have a scary aura about them, but they’re actually really gentle and troubled, don’t like violence but hate bli so they fight anyway. I think they’ve just been touched by the Witch. But they’re lonely and scared of losing their purpose. Basically they’re just a really fucking cool name that I’m still trying to come up with a crazy story for that lives up to it

[ucetheones]

Why Didn't You Tell Me?

Just a little update on my requests: I'm actively working on them! I just started this before and wanted to get it out of the way. Just keep sending them!! I accept imagines too.

Jey isn't used to being handled delicately. 

He isn't used to gentle touches, or kind hands on his body. 

Growing up, most people handled Jey with a rougher hand than his twin, and younger brother. Where Jimmy was praised and patted on the back for accomplishments, Jey was gripped and snarled at. When Jimmy would get overly excited, his mom would gently reprimand him, multiple times if needed. When Jey got that way, his mother's patience seemed to run thin almost immediately. 

In their defense, his mother and father did their best to be kind to him, but he suspects they knew there was something wrong with their son from the start. His father would call him a faggot when he'd cry too long, or if he was a little too close to a boy friend. 

He didn't know what the word meant, but it stung nonetheless. 

Though, the words stung a little less than the slap across the face that followed. 

Apologies in the form of gifts always came after, but the words 'I'm sorry, I love you' and physical comfort never accompanied them.

The only soft touches Jey was able to access was usually snuggling up with his younger brother when the boy would have a bad dream. Whether intentionally or not, Solo never sought anyone out but Jey. 

Eventually though, Solo grew out of needing his big brother to chase away the nighttime scaries, and with that growth, went the only person to hug the boy for more than a few seconds.

Jimmy used to be physically affectionate with Jey, but as they grew older the hugs, and kisses to his forehead were reserved for important moments.

For years, Jey convinced himself he didn't need to be handled with care, he wasn't some fragile thing who couldn't function without human touch. 

It worked for a while, it truly did, but by tenth grade, when his twin brother, cousin and all their friends had found girlfriends or flings, Jey had found himself wanting more and more a person who would hold him in their arms like it mattered. Like he mattered.

His friends, Roman and Jimmy teased him relentlessly for being the only person in their group without a girlfriend. 

Jey didn't know how to say he didn't want a girlfriend. He didn't want the companionship of a woman. So, he didn't tell them. 

Instead, he swallowed down his true wants and found himself a girlfriend. Her name was Rhea, and she was probably the prettiest girl Jey had ever laid eyes on. She actually asked him out first, and Jey readily agreed, especially with Jimmy standing beside him. He couldn't afford to turn her down without a feasible answer. 

So, they went on a date. And then another one, and then a few more. But, for the months they'd already been a couple, they hadn't so much as kissed once. She hadn't made the first move, and neither had Jey. It largely went unnoticed by Jey, until one day Solo asked him what his first kiss with Rhea had been like and he had to confess to the younger one they hadn't kissed yet. 

Solo hadn't laughed or even seemed shocked, he simply nodded at his older brother and softly whispered, "It's okay if you never kiss her, you know? Sometimes girls and guys don't belong together and that's okay! My friend's brother doesn't even date girls, and he's awesome."

Jey was stunned, in truth. His baby brother was clearly more mature than they'd ever given him credit for.

After the conversation with Solo, Jey found himself questioning what he was doing in a relationship with someone he wasn't attracted to beyond finding them pretty. So, he set out to break up with Rhea. Only after his explanation, the girl burst into laughter, her hand covering her mouth.

"Oh, baby. I guess we never did explicitly agree to be each other's beards. I thought you knew I like girls."

Jey isn't sure he wants to laugh, or be sick. It all made so much sense, at least for Rhea it did. But for Jey? Not so much. It's not like he didn't know what a beard was, or why people had them. It just wasn't for Jey…right?

"I'm not gay, though…" The words sound unsure to his own ears and Jey wants to wince. To her credit, Rhea doesn't laugh, but she looks at Jey with something akin to pity, and it makes his skin crawl.

"I'm not gonna tell you what you are, or aren't, but when you told me your brother and cousin were hounding you for not being interested in girls, I assumed you were queer...that was my bad."

Jey nods in understanding. He supposes that's fair, especially if he puts himself in Rhea's shoes. She needed a beard to hide her sexuality, and Jey needed one to get his cousin and brother off his back.

Rhea nervously chews at her lower lip, before blurting out, "you'll still be my beard, at least until you're ready to find someone; right? It keeps my dad off my back…" 

Jey takes a moment to mull it over before deciding he has very little to lose in this, so he nods. "Yeah, I gotchu' Rhea. Don't even sweat it, you're still doin' me a favor, anyway."

Rhea smiles brightly at him, it makes him feel good. Needed. 

That night in bed as Jey goes over the conversation, he can't help but wonder if maybe Rhea was right. 

What if he was queer? He could always admit when a guy was attractive, and had on more than one occasion found himself wondering what it'd feel like to kiss a guy…but those thoughts always felt too dangerous to venture out into. There's a wall that blocks Jey from accepting those thoughts long enough to do something with them.

Even now, in his own head, he feels like he can't let himself dig any deeper. It's too scary. It promises pain Jey knows he won't recover from.

It takes him longer to fall asleep than usual, and Jimmy's snoring definitely didn't do him any favors.

It's almost a full year before Rhea shyly tells him she found a girlfriend, her cheeks are bright red as she speaks and Jey can't help but smile for her.

"Tell me about her, Uce." That seems to be all it takes before the girl is launching into a story about her partner Liv. 

It only takes Jey a moment to pinpoint how he knows the name. She was in his English class a few years back.

Jey is happy for Rhea, he truly is. But now, he can't help but wonder if he's missing something. Rhea had found someone, but he hadn't even bothered trying. 

Deep, deep down, Jey knows why he wasn't able to find anyone. He hadn't tried to find someone because finding someone meant acknowledging the elephant in the room.

His fucking sexuality.

In truth, he also knows he should tell Jimmy and Roman his…issues surrounding his sexuality. They're the people closest to him, and all he's been doing is lying to them and keeping bits of himself fully locked away. But he also can't know how they'll take it. Would they be okay with it? Would they shun him? 

Would Jimmy tell their father that his biggest fear was confirmed? His son was deplorable. His flesh and blood was tainted by the very thing he worked so hard to keep Jey away from.

Maybe it was best to keep this inside. Maybe he could bring it up to Rhea. She was his safe space, after all. The only person besides Solo who truly knew that Jey wasn't even remotely interested in women.

It was a Friday when Jey was able to bring it up to Rhea. They'd been at his house watching movies and eating junk food, something Jey only indulged in with her. One film had ended, and they were in the middle of choosing a second when Jey blurted out,

 "I think I'm gay." 

His mouth clamped shut almost immediately, his heart was racing wildly in his chest and he couldn't fight the nagging feeling he'd made a mistake in admitting it.

To her credit, Rhea merely nodded and chucked the remote away, her body turning to lock eyes with the boy.

"I think you're gay too, honestly." She purses her lips, "and not because you 'act gay' like your dad has accused you of." Her tone takes an edge to it that's only present when she mentions her own father, or Jey's. He figures it has to do with their less than ideal parenting styles.

He nods softly at her words, knows she isn't finished from the furrow in her brow.

"Can I ask what brought this on?"

Jey almost feels ashamed to tell her that he's been developing a crush on the new boy in her friend group, but instead he shrugs, "Dom…" 

He turns his head so they're eyes aren't meeting anymore, but he swears he can still see the shit eating grin that overtakes her features. 

"My Dom-Dom?! You like him?!" 

Jey is quick to shush her, his face hardening into a glare. 

"Shut the fuck up! Jimmy is next door." Rhea holds her hands up in surrender, her pitch dropping, "that wasn't a no. You have a crush on Dominik." It isn't a question, it's a statement. 

Again, Jey shrugs his shoulders, now stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth to stall answering. "He's…pretty, I guess." Though he sounds unsure to himself, he also feels relieved to have admitted the truth. "It isn't like it matters, anyway though, he's probably straight."

The girl glares in his direction before tossing a gummy worm at his head. "Hey!"

"Don't be so fucking stupid, as if I would hang out with a straight person." Jey wants to cite himself as proof of the opposite, but this conversation isn't exactly straight. And neither is the reason Rhea had sought him out in the beginning, so he clamps his mouth shut and kisses his teeth. 

"You ain't gotta call me stupid, man. I just admitted to finding a guy pretty and my intelligence is attacked?" The pout on his lips is almost comical to the latter, but she has no time to comment before there's a shattering sound by the door before it's swung open revealing Jimmy. His brows are pinched, and there's a bowl of chips scattered at his feet.

He looks equal parts betrayed and like he'll throw up at any moment.

"You gay, Uce…?"

[wybbit]

moments with other trans people that made me happy:

- a trans boy i dated in high school being the first person willing to call me "they" when i was questioning my gender, and calling me a faggot (affectionately)

- going to school with a more masc hairstyle and my trans fem classmate squealing and saying "aw, you look like a little boy!" (i have a baby face it's fine.) we did a dumb roleplay with her as a TMZ interviewer touring my frat house in gym class.

- sharing wrabel's "the village" mv with a trans man i met online who lived in a more conservative country, to cheer him up. he liked it a lot, and got a good cry out of it. i wish i could've done more.

- my older sister's transgender ex-gf asking me if i was trans bc she had Picked Up on a few things. she said she'd call me by my chosen name when we talk and said she would be there if i ever needed support. she goes out of her way to call me things like "bud" and "champ" now. it's sweet.

[forcefemmed-fatale]

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WARNING: This blog contains content that may be potentially upsetting to some folks, including but not limited to: original and reblogged forcefem fantasies, and reblogs of related consensual kinks like misgendering and detransition kink for me and people similar to me (I'm transmasc). If this content upsets you, please block me or don't interact. Your mental wellbeing is important.

IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY TRANSPHOBIC OR LEGITIMATELY BELIEVE IN BIOESSENTIALISM, FUCK OFF. MY BLOG IS NOT FOR YOU. TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS. IF YOU DON'T SUPPORT REAL-LIFE DETRANSITION FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT THAT, I ALSO DON'T WANT YOU HERE. GENDER LIBERATION MEANS THE FREEDOM TO TRANSITION AND DETRANSITION.

If you want to DM me, don't open with kinky sexting. Discussing boundaries first is important to me to make sure everyone has a good time. Outside of forcefem kink you can call me Bentley (they/he pronouns), and in forcefem kink you can call me Nicole (she/her pronouns).

What I'm into and limits under the cut (will probably add more as I think of them).

I'M INTO:

-forcefem/feminization (especially with dykes and other queer women, also open to exploring it with queer men and other nonbinary folks, so feel free to message me about this if you are an LGBTQ+ person!)

-BDSM (I'm a switch, everything I'm into receiving I also enjoy giving), including: Mommy Dommes, heavy impact play, bondage/shibari, electro-stim, mild degradation (I like the condescendingly affectionate variety)

-praise that is mildly condescending (like "good girl")

-having my anatomy referred to with terms like pussy, cunt, clit and being reminded of this anatomy with frequent references, as well as feminine adjectives like cute, girly, etc. Alternatively, I like getting teased for having a tiny (t)dick, especially if any queer people with bigger dicks wanna tease how much smaller I am in comparison...

-terms like cuntboy, slut, fucktoy, dyke, fag/faggot

SOFT LIMITS OR HIGHLY CIRCUMSTANTIAL KINKS:

-misgendering/detrans for transfems (unless a specific transfem has directly communicated desire for that, in which case I could be open to it)

-calling me a fakeboy (I like being called a girl in sexy contexts, but I don’t typically enjoy being told I'm not a boy, though I think I could be into a t4t flavor where a trans man/transmasc calls me that to emphasize my relative femininity/affirm his identity by contrast)

-overt bioessentialism/transphobia as a broad philosophy (it doesn't always hit right for me even in the pretend/kink context)

-lactation (I'm super into the thought of drinking breast milk from someone lactating but it's more rare for me to be into the idea of me lactating)

-breeding/pregnancy, petplay, fauxcest, CNC, intox, piss (very circumstantial and requires a lot of communication first about specific limits here)

HARD LIMITS:

-scat/vomit mentions

-Calling me a cow/hucow/calling my chest "udders"

-Using it/its pronouns for me

-telling me to stop taking HRT (I don't have ovaries, I will always need HRT, in my forcefem context that means I would *start taking E instead*)

-raceplay

-ageplay

-calling someone/being called daddy or any variation of paternal titles

-being called Princess in any way (although I'm fine with calling other people that)

-this should go without saying but things that are both illegal and unethical like: anything involving minors or real beastiality (I will report this content if I see it), or real incest between actual family members regardless of genetic relation (including step- or adopted relatives)

[inland--empire]

Ok sure. Which TNMN characters can say the F slur

Roman: No, and he wouldn't say it.

Lois: She can and she will say it, but it's in a friendly way like it's affectionate.

Robertsky: ...maybe, but he's not saying it anyways.

Albertsky: Same as above

Angus: Does it matter if he can or not? He's saying it anyways.

Elenois: Yeah. And she does say it.

Selenne: No. And she doesn't say it.

Arnold: He for sure can but like. He physically can't he doesn't like it.

Gloria: She can and she will look you dead in the eyes and say it. But she's allowed to she has been through it.

Izaack: Look at him.

Margarette: She's been in the community for years she can say it. She usually doesn't but.

Nacha: Considering everything, Nacha can do whatever she wants forever

Anastacha: Double for her

Dr. Afton: No. He does still say it.

Mia: Yes. She doesn't say it.

Francis: He can say it.

Steven: Steven can also do whatever the fuck she wants.

Mclooy: He has been calling people faggots for years he is not stopping now.

Alf: 100% no. He still says it.

Rafttellyn: No, and she'll say it under her breath

[gotalottalegs]

Share or don’t I am not your dad but if you vote I will love you forever

[forbidding-souda]

How about fuyuhiko and gundham with a male s/o, where they're out in public and have to deal with homophobia?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu and Gundham Tanaka with their boyfriend dealing with homophobia

i was just walking to the bus the other day and a truck filled with bro dudes pulled to the side of the side and yelled slurs at me before driving away i was like bruh

it's funny bc i'm deaf and they were yelling paragraphs and i was standing there texting someone as they pulled up and i was thinking oh my god i can't text and try to listen to people at the same time so i looked up and then caught the word faggot and i was like ohhhh that's what this is

currently listening: surfin' bird by ramones

playlist: main playlist

-Mod Souda

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

❤ It originally was a 'double life' for him. He would be a brutal, murderous fiend during the on-hours and during the off-hours he would be a loving boyfriend who kisses your fingers and watches movie with you. As an adult he would hardly think about his sexuality as something he needed to keep hidden, or that it was something he was worried about other people finding out about. The two of you hardly go out in public together at all in the first place. It's mostly because of the fear of letting the public eye see you associate with the yakuza that would ruin your reputation: remove you from your job and get you kicked from social circles. Although, the two of you seemed to stop caring the longer the relationship went on for. As long as Peko goes with you (if you are extremely cautious of your reputation) you can pretend to be outside with her accompanying you rather than the SHSL Yakuza.

❤ Peko is more on the offense than he is. By the mere mention of something microaggressive, no matter if it's directed towards you and your boyfriend or not, she is quick to draw her sword and point it at the culprit. She will hold a glare of indignation in her striking red eyes. He never responds to them unless she threatens them first. The things people say in general are never rejecting the idea of the two of you as a couple, sexuality wise - it is mostly just strangers uncomfortable with the acts of affection you display in public. His stand-off nature is still there - he will still argue with them, showing his teeth and clenching his fists. The amount of threats and curses that leave his lisp is remarkable. But Peko is always the one that strikes.

"You guys are so embarrassing." You whisper under your breath, walking by yourself, listening to Fuyuhiko continuously rattle off insults, going the distance almost an entire building before you let yourself turn around. Someone older had snapped at him to stop wrapping his arm around you, saying something about how indecent homosexual people are, and before Fuyuhiko could even listen to their command Peko pulled her sword. You had cringed, biting your lip and slipping away from his grasp, not excited at all to be in this confrontation. You just wanted to melt into the sidewalk.

"What was that last part, man?" He leaned back, shifting his weight on his feet, raising his hands in the air.

When the passer-byers started to stare, you walked away. And now you stand, leaning against a building, not far away enough for him not to see you, but enough to put yourself out of the eye of everyone else.

A loud drop dead echoes down the street. You close your eyes. Hopefully he doesn't mean that literally.

There is no scream. No people scrambling. You look back at them, glancing to see that the person had ran away. Peko continues to stare at them. You can tell she's debating whether or not to follow.

❤ He isn't even an affectionate person in public. As much as he likes seeming badass and a rule breaker - breaking the rules is something that he hates doing.

❤ But still, when you're tired, or slumped from a long walk, he will put his arm around your waist or shoulder.

❤ Which, you have a theory that he likes it when people call him out. There, in that situation, he gets to prove that he's tough and that he doesn't take anyones shit.

❤ He keeps you away from any harm. And he especially keeps you away from witnessing any. He doesn't want you to see the things that he has to see.

❤ After a confrontation he will always ask if you are okay. He will be clueless on how to comfort you if you are not but he feels a genuine worry about having you in that scene.

❤ He forgets that that even happens to the two of you. His brain logs the situations as one of many - him proving himself successfully and not a sorrowful memory.

❤ So if you bring it up later just know that he is going to be very confused on what you mean.

❤ He doesn't consider them, no matter what they say about his sexuality, to be homophobic, rather annoying as all hell.

.

Gundham Tanaka

❤ Gundham believes that being attracted to men is another reason he is so powerful and god-like. He thinks of it as something outside of the normal and something that makes him more fluid than the average person. He remembers the tale of Amaterasu and Ame no Uzume no Mikoto - the sexual deviance of a same sex relationship. The way it was used to lure is vaguely similar to how he considers your relationship - you lured him in, enticing him with your wicked smile and the shade of your eyes. You are an incubus that was once unforeseeable and addictive. And now you are the one that lingers in his soul - a romantic partner. Someone with astral levels that match his own.

Teenage boys are the people that make Gundham nervous. You try not to consider where this fear would have originated from, although the answer seems rather obvious.

Whenever a group of teenage boys walks by he always closes his trench coat and loosens his shoulders when he quickly walks past. Common ardor ravagers he mutters under his breath. More often than that, outside of a few cackles there is nothing that comes about. No interaction and no public scene.

But in those rare moments where they do, Gundham will whip around, his coat flourishing behind him as he steps up to them.

"Be careful at who you direct your words. I can destroy the world in mere minutes; disintegrate the ground beneath your feet. Your conviction will be detrimental."

He had only begun to resort to such low threats when you told him to stop bringing up the four dark devas of destruction - putting in a lot of effort to inform him that their cute disguises are too genuine and the average person will not find them scary unless they showcase their true power (but please do not do that, Tanaka!).

Still, no one gives you as much trouble as teenage boys do. Just the way they snicker at him - it makes you feel horrible. You stand up for him when you can. Especially since he never seems to be in his usual passionate mood afterwards. He gets quiet.

❤ He likes retelling folk to you, changing the genders so that both of them are male. If you ask, really? they're both men? he will lie and say yes. The look of joy that flashes through your face is something that he will never get over - it's beautiful.

❤ He sometimes mentions the troubles that the two of you face - describing the homophobic things that others will say to him.

❤ You don't think he has ever realized that teenage boys put all their attention onto him rather than you.

❤ Thinking back on moments like those consistently reminds you to shower him in compliments. You make sure to remind him that he is loved every single day. You need him to know that.

❤ He is an incredibly affectionate person when he wants to be. On days where he is in a good mood he will return your kind words with some of his own, going on rambles about how powerful your aura is and how strong your soul is to be able to handle his cosmic energy so close to your natural body. You don't know what any of this means in his head but you take it as a compliment.

❤ He never gets violent. You always think he's going to swing and hit, but he never does. He just glares with his intense eyes before spinning and walking away, leaving you to trail behind him.

[verdemoun]

did the gang find out about macsummers in modern or canon times?

i have given up on answering asks in order i answer asks in order of the giggles they give me

the girlies of the gang all knew in canon era. karen, mary-beth, jenny, and tilly were all actively shipping them and directly responsible for sean realizing lenny was actually flirting with him. god knows if sean would have ever connected the dots in either era without them (to be fair lenny was flirting in that 19th century 'could be murdered in the street if he was outed' and spending adolescence in reform school did not help sean in learning how to understand subtext and contextual clues)

also please imagine lenny 19th century educated man flirting. thinking he's so smooth laying it on maybe a little too thick teaching sean to read starting with the happy prince, sean mentions it offhandedly to mary-beth who proceeds to choke on her coffee because She Knows

lenny and sean being together was such a core part of the quartet's dynamic that when lenny found jenny in modern era and said 'and sean's here too' jenny let out a sigh of relief because she was not putting up with lenny's lenny-ness on her own before going 'no oops that sounded fucked i'm super sad he died but also yay sean's here'

hosea is just side-eyeing them suspiciously for a few weeks because "HMM they seem awful co-dependent in a way i had not noticed in canon era. maybe it's trauma bonding? maybe they're clinging to their friendship more than they did in canon era to cope with oh god damn us all they're fucking aren't they"

bessie just tilts her head slightly in confusion "darling i know you were slightly distracted at the time but did you not see the way they embraced when they saw each other? i am almost certain this is not a new occurrence"

also shoutout to bessie who despite being a 50+ year old history lecturer who no one would expect to be in the know she very politely sat the boys (and her husband) down powerpoint presentation style to explain modern era queer lexicon like for the love of all that is holy please do not use the terms sodomite or pederast they have CHANGED MEANING (the term homosexuality wasn't considered popularized in america until 1906 like she would have had to explain... so much)

arthur was very confused because look he's a little behind the 8 ball at times and just assumed karen and sean + lenny and jenny would become things, moreso than actually taking issue with anyone's sexuality. they obviously all suffer from heteronormativity

and of course how much identities and terminology changed from 1999 to 2011 (when most of the gang got there) lenny spent a good two years unironically identifying as moronsexual

sean's dyslexic ass having to learn the acronyms he thought BLTs were gay sandwiches for weeks pray for him (he still calls them gay sandwiches in private and they are a staple of the macsummers household)

it took so long to get used to gay meaning queer instead of happy. still slip up and say they're feeling gay when someone asks how they're going then backpedaling wait no well yes but you didn't need to know that i Was in a great mood

most of the gang didn't really react - they ALL knew about hosea and dutch 'reading' in canon era so if it was going to be an issue it would have come up then. just 'oh cool good for you guys what the hell is with miniature moving picture box in the house are we rich'

bill was the only one who even questioned it? looking at all these same-sex couples discreetly wondering aloud if in the future it was the norm ('without' a hint of optimism in his voice) because i, the author, accidentally made them all very not cishet

maeve at the tender age of 4 looked this bear of a man in the eyes and called him a faggot (she picked it up from the gang using it affectionately)

bill had no idea what that meant but he did know it was something at his expense

[saintmariana]

Women have plenty to be ashamed of.

Growing up I was conflicted with a duality in which on the one hand there lied my nature and on the other the will of my mother. At the age of 16 my mother was homeless and desperate for anyone to come and save her torment; her mother was an abusive and neglectful heroin addict and it was around this time two of her brothers had sat in prison for having robbed banks (her eldest brother was busting cheeks-though he denies it). It was during such a trying time she had met my father who swept her in his arms that very day moving her to an entirely different state with him. My father was 21 during this time and an illegal immigrant from Mexico as were his siblings and other friends that had come with him, among his friends was Santiago.

My father had drunkenly cheated on my mother one night and immediately admitted it to my mother expressing his profound remorse: my mother responded with cheating on my father with Santiago-my father was heartbroken but understood and forgave her on the grounds she wouldn’t cheat on him again, unfortunately for the naïveté of my father my mother only used his cheating as a means to rationalize her feelings for Santiago which were already present within her before he had even cheated on her; my mother would not only go on to cheat on my father several more times with Santiago but had also professed her love for Santiago and her contempt for my father (note: my father is not one to be pitied, I simply empathize with him); what my mother hadn’t considered was that my father’s older brother was their boss, as in the boss of my father, his siblings and other friends they had immigrated with for a construction company: after hearing of Santiago’s betrayal of my father his brother had fired Santiago. Santiago moved back to Mexico where he shortly died after: my mother was heartbroken-what was she to do? A 16 year old little girl manipulating a man into breeding her, marrying him, and utilizing his resources which he earned with his blood? A little girl having lost who was perhaps her one true love? Or so she “thought”...

The divorce was ruthless, or rather, my mother was ruthless as she threatened to have my father and his siblings deported should he try to fight for custody. My father’s siblings encouraged my father to do what was necessary for us but with the possibility that he could also be deported and very likely never see his two sons again, what was a man to do?

It’s utterly damaging for the ego of any man to be emasculated by any woman especially a 21 year girl you truly believed to have loved and even having married after a hard life of poverty in a small town from Mexico where men are notorious for keeping their women in check. For a man’s ego to be damaged there is only one way he can redeem himself and that is through waging war on whomever dared to damage such an ego; unfortunately for my father he was not back in Mexico, he was in the US where the wrath of man is punishable with the means of prison-it was not only my mother by whom he was emasculated by but the law and order of the republic; so much for freedom of will.

It didn’t end here; my mother was ecstatic about her new found “liberation” going out to clubs and bars with her friends, free of the “religious fanatic” my father was (and it’s true that he is indeed a religious fanatic, a Christian to be exact, but don’t think so highly of my mother for she enforced and lived by the same values and morals as he does, she had merely done so with different spices and fragrances), it was also during this time she especially began drinking heavily, very heavily; there were days when she’d be slumped over her bed bottle hand whilst my father came for my brother and I only to be met with a locked door with no way in except for breaking and entering: my brother and I would beg for the embrace of our father through the window, crying for his affection and play, locking eyes with our father through the window; our mother didn’t care so long as she had us in her grasp, rationalizing her stupidity as her “living her youth,” as if enjoying your youth demands the abandonment of all responsibility.

My mother eventually met another man soon after my father, perhaps even during; he was a black man with a short fuse of a temper against us all, but even more so against my brother and I. This new man of hers would go on to physically beat my brother and I, tossing and dragging us across the room, beating us with a closed fist as he would a grown man; the beatings were so bad he’d send us back to our father with massive bruises all over our bodies, bruises our father would take pictures of in hopes it’d help his case in court-it didn’t. My father was enraged with my mother and demanded she leave the man but she stuck by his side until the end of kindergarten even going so far as to make a father of him-for my little sister.

Throughout the years my mother had done everything she could to erase the memory of all that had happened, laughing it all off as though it was nothing when we’d bring it up with her, often chalking it up to the folly of her youth-except it didn’t end there.

Shortly after my sister’s father she found another man who she married-this one was actually good but he was far bigger than my sister’s father and black all the same-I associated him with my sister’s father and despised him ruthlessly throughout their entire marriage: he was a genuinely caring and affectionate father despite our difference in blood, but it was too late by the time I embraced this of him. Towards the end of their marriage which went on from my first grade year to the summer before starting high school I grew closer with my then stepfather as my mother would often be gone for days off with her friends and her new lover; she had been cheating my step father for a year and a half before they had split apart: he was a younger Indian man whom she helped attain a green card.

This new boyfriend was also a good man at heart, but because he fell for my mother’s malice I despised him and though I wasn’t as ruthless with him as I was with my stepfather I still kept my distance; it was throughout this relationship my mother expressed her love more openly for him... there were nights when she’d shamelessly fuck him hard for all the neighborhood to hear as she moans, groaned, and cried his name, making the entire house shake-our rooms were right next to each other and I ruined all my friendships during this time so there was no friend to turn to then.

There came a day when people were warning the two of them they weren’t right for each other for whatever reason; my mother decided to say fuck them and so we all moved to another over night, back at her home state with her brother in his apartment with his son-his son was okay.

It was during this time I laid conscious witness to the wrath a woman is capable of, most notably my mother; this boyfriend of hers was not only more gentle natured but also an immigrant whom my mother helped attain a green card; my mother’s drinking increased ten fold, puking in the toilet every morning became a routine for them both; fucking for everyone to hear became the norm; my mother was extremely obnoxious I trying to be one of the guys during this time.

Over time my mother had progressed from mocking and humiliating her boyfriend in front of her brother to shaming his religion, his family, and his character (notice how she coaxed him into the distance from his family), to all out punching him in his sleep demanding that he go do the fucking laundry. We heard everything-how she’d slap, scratch, punch, call him a bitch, a faggot, a dumbass man-there were times she’d brag about being able to get any man she wants as men only care for one thing (she was beautiful in her youth but that has long since faded).

Eventually her boyfriend began working and when he had enough money he ditched her completely calling her at the greyhound station at midnight as he awaited his bus; my mother didn’t have a car to go fight him, she was powerless: she resorted to a low growl demanding that he come back to her, that he won’t leave her, that he can’t leave, that they were supposed to get married and have children, that he better get his fucking ass back her NOW!

He stood his ground and I admired him for it.

Throughout the weeks of her grief my mother my mother go through days drunkenly sobbing about wanting to slit her wrists and blaming us for it.

My mother eventually found a job and got an apartment for us all; she went back to drinking and seducing a man from work whom she had written poetry about (we read her diaries).

Eventually there came a day I had gotten kicked out of an alternative school for having slit my wrists; throughout a six month period I spoke with a therapist which she detested as I exposed the truth of her ways to therapist with her there in frustration of following her orders on pretending everything was fine so as to get back into the school but I didn’t care. I knew the school was done with me and I with them.

The following months were tense between us especially being 18 at the time and seemingly doing nothing with my life except for wallowing in self pity (it’s true, I was).

Eventually the tension amounted to us having a massive argument, the neighbors below were terrified and called the police, my mother called her brother to come over and kick my ass, I was arrested for disturbing the peace and after having made the dumb decision to plead not guilty I was finally released after nine from the help of one of the fellow inmates.

The world did not look the same, I felt lost, I felt pathetic, I didn’t know what to do or where to go, what was I doing with my life? Why am I doing this to myself? It was only worse after having walked back home only to find all my belongings were tossed to the wayside in sake of their leisure.

I broke down and contemplated suicide over and over again until I had finally called the hotline for my therapist; they invited me over and I spoke with a couple women who assured me they’d let my therapist know of everything going and if there was any way they could help, I decided I’d be fine and that I’d come in the next day.

My mother and I argued that night: at this point I thought “fuck it, I’m done letting anyone walk over me again: I’m not taking their shit anymore even if it costs me my life.” My mother demanded I leave, I refused, she called her brother to come kick my ass; after sometime she packed up with my sister and left, picking up my brother from his job along the way. After a few hours I heard a knock, I crept my way to the peep hole to find a hand covering my view; I could hear from the creeking in the stairs that there was more than one other person there, most likely their little brother. They’d knock for a few minutes and then kick the door before leaving, doing this throughout the entire night; I sat in the kitchen with all the lights off crying to myself how done I am with them, how ready I am to fight back as hard as I ever have should they break through the door. I knew as soon as I opened the door my uncle would have beat and raped me though not kill me, I knew he’d easily over power me but I wasn’t going down without a fight.

The next day comes and I decide to hell with them all; I leave the city never to look back.

It didn’t help that throughout this time my girlfriend at the time had disappeared due to a bout of her own sorrow, I didn’t ever think she’d come back.

I was far more dominant in my youth especially with a cousin I had fallen in love with (the love was mutual) but by the time I had fallen with my girlfriend whom I would be with for three years from the age of 18 to 20 I had become notably softer in my handling of women-this was compounded when I was slapped with the reality of the real world, the world I had been sheltered from all my life, for much of it anyway.

I was afraid of falling behind so I worked the first job I could at some restaurant dwelling in petty quarrels.

I believed the only way to survive was conforming to their ways, your ways, the way of the corporate state; I was lost and only knew I had too much potential to squander but no understanding in how to guide it.

The relationship between myself and my then girlfriend was intimate and affectionate; she eventually came back and I forgave her unconditionally; we were a long distance couple and after a couple years of saving (piss poor spending habits on my behalf) I finally journey across the country to meet with her for the first and it was more amazing than I anticipated it could be; meeting her truly cemented in me the belief (or the knowledge) that a soulmate truly does exist, that some things truly are meant to be.

Later that year it turns out she’s turned out (she’s gay); it wasn’t a revelation she was willing to share with me openly; she was still processing her sexuality (she’s lived in repression which was only compounded with her eating disorder, purging), but I wanted answers so I coaxed it out of her; she didn’t cheat on me but she had a crush which she em felt excruciating guilt for as her crush was her brother’s girlfriend. I was understanding and forgiving but even so I was conflicted with feelings of cuckoldry and inadequacy as I felt a failure of a man for having been so naive as to have turned a blind eye to many of the signs which had vied for my attention before (she was never into having sex with me, always only saw me as cute, wasn’t really attracted to other men, tried getting me to break up with her after expressing remorse for having flirted with another man, and reacted with hot excitement after showing her a picture of the cousin I had fallen in love with.)

I’ve regretted it ever since but I pushed her away for the sake of my pride.

She truly did love me, she truly was a lover in spirit and I’ve ruined it.

I had reached out to her several months later with a letter but she never responded; I don’t blame her, she deserves more than a flimsy-hurried letter.

I believed that pushing her away in favor of my family was what I needed; I believed that I could heal my family, that could make us whole, that I could help us all become more than what we are, that we can overcome this together as a family, but I was wrong, I was so wrong.

I played the forgiving role, sweeping everything under the rug with them at first; but that didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want any of us walking on egg shells around each other and I certainly didn’t want us living in denial of all that had happened.

There came a day when I wanted to express my rage and I wanted them to listen; my mother was defensive and my father was offended; I decided to hell with them both and so it’s been that ever since.

I know not every woman is like this, but what are the odds in finding another woman-my “ideal” woman? It is foolish to impose ideals upon others and especially myself, ideals are for the naive. Much of the women who could be considered my type are usually in the mind of a safe, corporate life with a salary and college education: I despise the corporate state and especially the education system which is no place for knowledge but only doctrines: my passions and ambitions are too barbarous for these women and the odds of finding someone like my last girlfriend are quite slim, she truly was exceptional (there’s also the fact that gay and straight women are fundamentally different, it’s a difference I find shocking and painful but true nevertheless, straight women are far more shallow than the gays); I’ve tried to date around, I’ve met and gotten to know people-the amount of people only interested in casual sex is mighty disheartening as I very much desire a strong and committed relationship in which we grow with each other but it becomes ever more clear that the only thing straight women care for is their submission to power: they truly do not care for anything else of a man unless he’s able to dominate them and make them his slut: in every woman is a slave and a tyrant; give her liberty and she will tyrannize you; make her submit and she is yours. The only women who claim to admire depth in a man only do so because the man in question is in truth just an illusion of a fever dream as he’s yet to embrace his own sacred masculinity-those “men” they desire are no men at all but the Frankensteins of a civilization in decay.

I will not live as a lecher as I value the soil and the body lest I enable and contribute to the degeneracy.

I’ve decided to embrace my chastity; I don’t know if the key will ever be found by another, another worthy of the key, perhaps I will, perhaps I won’t, but I know the path of degeneracy is no path for me; but what of the men? Will they not look down upon me? I will force my will upon them.