#she remembered the next time i saw her
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When I was still working at the mall I used to take my lunch break at the Cafe across the hall and get a sandwich and a drink
After a few shifts the batista who worked roughly the same schedule as me started asking me like "have you tried this with a shot of raspberry?" Or "I really like this drink blended"
She wound up basically crafting my regular order for the whole time I worked there. I miss her.
Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.
#now I'm a regular at the one by my house#when i switched from my summer order (iced) to my winter order (hot) the guy asked me if everything was okay#keep in mind it's exactly the same drink#mocha with an extra shot of espresso#just iced in the summer and hot in the winter#for obvious reasons#hes a sweety though#i miss all my old 'regular baristas'#i ran into one of them at Target the other day and i was so happy#i almost asked for her number#not in a creepy way i just thought we'd be great friends#but alas#also one was the first person i ever told my new name#she remembered the next time i saw her#almost cried#she so so so sweet#i hope i see her again soon#i love my baristas#fi talks
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I understand that literature nerd Jason Todd is kind of overblown in fanon compared to it's actual presence in canon (a few issues during his pre (and post?)crisis Robin tenure that highlight it) BUT consider that I think it's hilarious if the unhinged gun toting criminal has strong opinions on poetry
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#Jason Todd#batfamily#it's just a fun quirk! it's a fun lil detail and I simply cannot slight ppl for enjoying and incorporating it into works#like obviously jason isn't the only one. I'm a big believer in the batfam having over lapping interests they refuse to bond over#i know dick canonically used the robin hood stories (which are pretty flowery in their language far as i can tell) as inspo for Robin#and i know babs was a librarian and even tho her area of nerddom is characterized as more computery she probably knows quite a lot-#-about literature as well#duke is a hobbyist writer i believe? i saw a fan mention that- which if so is great and I hope he's also a nerd#(i mean he is canonically. i remember him being a puzzle nerd in his introduction. but i mean specifically a lit nerd)#damian called Shakespeare boring but also took acting classes so i think he's more of a theatre kid.#Tim's a dropout and i don't think he's ever shown distinct interest in english lit and i can't remember for Steph?#I'm ngl my brain hyperfocused on musician Steph i forget some of her other interests I'm sorry (minus softball and gymnastics!)#and then Cass had her whole (non linear but it's whatevs) arc about literacy and learning to read#went from struggling to read in batgirl 00 to memorizing Shakespeare in 'tec and is now an avid read in batgirls!#she's shown reading edgar allen poe but we don't know if it's his short stories or his poems#point to all of the above being: i know Jason's not the only lit nerd in the batfam#but also i do need him to be writing poetry in his spare time and reading and reviewing it#jason at the next dead robins society meeting: evening folks today I'll be assigning all of us poems based on laika the space dog#damian and steph who have been kidnapped and brought to jasons warehouse to hangout: LET US GO BITCH#speaking of^ random poem i think jason would like: space dog by alan shapiro#wake up one morning in an unfamiliar more mature body with a profound sense of abandonment. the last four lines. mmm tasty
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We’re getting closer and closer to the first anniversary of my moms death and I’ve realized I haven’t let myself feel it. Like truly feel it. I’ve been pushing and pushing and forcing it down and today it really fucking hit me. I don’t have my mom anymore. We’re never going to make up and have a real relationship. She’s never going to get sober or clean. I’m never going to hug her again. She’s just gone. I don’t have my mom. And I can’t fix that. How do I fix it now that she’s gone.
#grief#delete later#I think about the fact that I didn’t hug her the last time I saw her all the time#I was still so angry#and she made such a big deal out of me not hugging her#that I just fucking refused#and now I’m never going to get to do that again#and then the next time I saw her was two days before her death and I d#couldn’t even think of what to say even though everyone kept telling me she could hear me#and then my grandmother tried to push me into talking and I snapped#and said I had nothing to say to the woman who abandoned me my whole life#and I don’t remember if I ever told her I loved her#and I’m so scared that the last thing she heard me say was something so hateful#she wasn’t a good person but she was still my mom#and I didn’t even hug her when she was dying
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❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-
#glass animals#honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh????#like….. when i say wore out#i cannot describe how much i listened to it#i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number#like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened)#i cannot recall w this#gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke#so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao#(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol)#anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night#driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in#sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who????#had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused#it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song#then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky &#ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work#(i was right & it blew her miiind)#god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok#i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this#highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift#a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them#as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?)#a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever
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brutally reminded that somewhere out there is a physical copy of an absolutely terrible detective conan genderbend au i wrote when i was like 12
i am not thriving today so here's a tag rant
#i haven't thought about that in YEARS but i'm realizing i do NOT remember trashing the notebook it was in#and it may be at my mom's house#hopefully completely untouched because she got so madddddd when she saw any of my non-school writing as a kid#i may have to sneak off to find and burn it with extreme prejudice next time i'm visiting her#(also your skyler lore of the day: i turned fully anti-religion for myself once my mom started telling me jesus wouldn't approve of my fics#(keep in mind that these were 100% G-rated like i didn't know what any cool teen or adult stuff even WAS yet)#also someone at work got me SICK and i am NOT giving up another writing day this week#so fever-addled me may be about to write several thousand terrible words#but future me can edit that so it's f i n e#ALSO ALSO#tw sa mention in remaining tags!#i stopped on my way home from my trip and jesus fuck you wanna know where i randomly ended up?#8 miles from my rapist's current address#and i ran into 3 of his coworkers in the 30 minutes i took to get lunch#what a terribly small world#(yes i know i should not keep tabs on him but it makes me feel safe to be sure of where he is so stfu on that)
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i feel so bad for modern children because they get absolutely obsessed and then jealous everytime i pull out my 3ds. BRING BACK 3DS FOR THEM
#me yapping#literally just was playing omw to work in the subway#and the little girl next to me basically leaned on me to see the screen#and i think she told her mom she also wants it....#i also remember when i was in the park waiting for my part time to start#and a bunch of little kids swarmed me and asked questions about my 3ds and games for a long time#literally abandonded the playing ground to see me play animal crossing#i feel bad because its like im flexing on these poor kids#i didnt have a 3ds when i was a kid either thats exactly why i carry it everywhere now#i saw a lot of 3ds-esque console reviews on yt lately?#im yet to comprehend the quality tho
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Sup it's me Astron
I want the story to take place in modern Greece but I'm a bit hesitant to confine the story in any real location so I think it might be best for the story to take place on one of Greek mythologys many fictional islands but give it the modern Greek treatment.
Ogygia is a good contestant (Calypso's island) or maybe the isle of the Hesperides (some sources call it Erytheia, Erytheia was also the place where, according to one account, the sun god Helios kept his sacred cattle it was also knows as the Isle of Juno).
If we go with the Erytheia route, we can say that it became a greek colony years ago and now is a thriving yellow apple (or tomatoes and citrus) farming community. The fruit being the main export
Anywho, I hope that you are feeling a bit better
aw tysm! today was very pleasant :D ate a beloved dish (malfoof), got some work done, stayed awake & payed attention during classes lol. a lil nudge in a better direction :)
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oooohhhhhhhhh!!!! very interesting, i assume we start on olympus? (unless zeus' wedding took place somewhere specific then they went back to olympus and made up and then astral train is set in motion *snort*) and heras self reflection takes place on le island?
very much like erytheia since its a little less known? but mainly because juno is indeed hera and i love lil references and stuff hehe!
having it be an agriculture based island i suppose it falls under demeters domain, perhaps we get some sister bonding time?
no tomatoes thank you i despise them. and yellow apples (i only like sour green ones lol) wbu?
#hope ur doing wonderfully well :D!!#said bonding time is hera ranting angrily and grieving and plotting while demeter munches away on cinammon toast and agrees#when she dissolves into tears they embrace a little.. maybe each remembering the one time all 5 of them huddled in their fathers stomach#FEELS#anyway#yk how sometimes u feel empty after having a good cry?#i guess heras apathy really gets cemented then. she is done with caring and pretending to care#now she lets the nothingness take over#the nothingness she so wanted to harness and explore so long ago#zeus now feeling bad doesnt think much of her absence. 'good on he for taking some time off' lol#until maybe his next affair or kid is born hes like how are they still alive? why is hera lagging on the divine wrath?#to which no one can answer him. demeter was the last who saw her and she (perhaps out of spite idk) doesnt give an answer either#and so the search begins. as a poofy cloud#astral train#astron#might try answering stuff tomorrow#gotta love my inconsistency lol#i have a doodle for athena in mind! based on the statue#as for now bedtime beckons!!#:D
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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Eating cherries and feeling like summer
#3615 my life#although yesterday i had a tshirt#a thin long sleeved shirt above#and a fleeced sweatshirt above.#it's the middle of june and it's so fucking cold !!#i have a very fond memory about cherries#when i was around 12 i think ? something like that#biking in the village street and there was this cherry tree whose branchs were going a bit over the wall onto the street#and so i had stopped and was eating the cherries i plucked from it#like sitted on my standing bike right under the cherry tree branchs#and this old lady living in the house of the tree saw me and i thought she was going to tell me off#but actually she went like 'help me get all those cherries from the tree and i'll give you some !'#it's been very very long ago#but i think i went up into the tree to get the cherries down to her#(the dip of the Y shape of the tree wasn't very high#so as a teen i could mostly easily do it)#and then i biked home with a plastic bag full of cherries#it feels a bit dreamy so i don't know if all part are true or if i changed things to it each time i remember it#but this is really such a nice memory. childhood adventure with a kind stranger given treasure to go home#thank you old lady from a long time ago this makes me happy still decades past.#yeah yeah insert 'are you crying' meme here.#also i used the 'vinegar to keep fruits fresh longer in your fridge' post !#they're done drying now so the ones i don't gobble up in the next few minutes will go into the jar(s)#a spoiled cherry i left out yesterday was all moldy this morning*#(morning : 4pm)#it's incredible how fast it goes#which made me actually sort the cherries i had just left in the brown bag and put into the fridge#quite a few were already spoiled alas#but now i know how to do it and to do it quick and it's really super easy#we'll see how they fare in the next few days
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Shout-out to the woman sitting next to me at a show last night who saw my Hadestown sweatshirt and innocently asked me if I had seen it and talked about knowing Reeve Carney for his whole life, not knowing that I had spent that day listening to the Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark cast recording and a video essay about its failure.
#we got cut off because everyone was trying to leave the theater#and Hadestown is my favorite musical which is what I told her#but it is objectively funnier that she managed to get seated next to a person who wore a turn off the dark shirt to see no way home#both times i saw it in theaters#he's been a frequent white boy of the week for a whole decade at this point you picked the wrong person to talk to#she didn't i was normal but internally i was cracking up#Charlotte for ts#also reminding me of the thing i often forget which is that broadway people and the people who know them#just also live here and maybe i should remember that when i shit talk in public
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Reblog this and put in the tags a movie you’ll never forget watching for the first time
✨positive reasons only✨
#like don’t give me a dark movie with an incest plot twist a la old boy or creepy a la shutter island etc#I mean a movie that filled you with so much glee and joy#a movie where you remember where you were and who you were with exactly the first time you saw it#positive thoughts#anygays…#mine is stick it lmaooo#movie recs#back story: I was visiting my dads girlfriend’s apartment and meeting her kids for the first time#she had a daughter around the same age as me#we were deciding what movie to watch#we narrowed it down to stick or she’s the man (a movie I love n afore)#but I had just watched it so she suggested stick it#she could probably tell I was radiating lesbian energy lmao#bc she was like don’t worry it’s not what you think in my head I was like the last thing I want to do is watch a girl gymnastics movie#and we sat on the floor in front in front of her moms bed next to each other#and I legit thought she put in the wrong movie with the BMX opening lolol#the plot twist of the boy becoming a fit hot missy peregrym FOREVER SHOOK#instantly in love and new I was going to enjoy the ride lol#girl sitting next to me with literally this face—>😏 I told you it’s not what you think#and scene
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saw a really fun show tonight! got home took pee and became an ex-member of the never passed out club
#it's oversharing time on tumblr bc I'm a little freaked and have never fainted before haha#we got home and I just suddenly got a lot of pelvic discomfort and nausea like food poisoning#at some point I was thinking oh better go tell my mum in case she needs the bathroom/wondering why I've been up there a while#hey listen don't come upstairs I'm gonna poop massively#and apparently I did actually do that. but I don't remember because the next thing I saw was her looking over me on the floor downstairs#so I still feel like I dreamt that conversation and also the first few things said to me waking up#which is probably normal for passing out right.#really surreal and not a fun thing to happen. fortunately only happened for a few seconds but felt like I was out longer#I'm sure experienced faintees are looking at this as no big deal but it kinda shook me ngl#I'm better so I think I'm just dehydrated (I do drink through the day. maybe it's still not enough as it should be tho?)#but apparently I went grey and blue lipped which is just scary for everyone! I'm ok now#I'm just lying here searching my symptoms and going hm. fascinsting like a cartoon scientist in-between being dramatic and scared#I never did poop
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ohhh sometimes I really wanna use her as reference image for Flower I still remember the first time I saw her on a Gorillaz concert clip I was just 🫵🫵🫵 SHE HAS FLOWERS HAIR anyway if I draw these I also wanna draw Y2K in that heart shirt the other person has it just FITS SO WELL and I would change the color of the dress because I've specified before Flower avoids wearing the color red... maybe yellow would be cute notes for later
#gorillaz next gen#things to draw later#i remember the first time i saw Moonchild in a gz clip i had JUST made Flower#and it blew my mind i was like OMG SHES REAL#and i found her insta immediately and ive been following her since#she doesnt know i follow her because she looks like my oc...
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small break from the bois to talk about ya girl....she still cared about Katsumi so much.... but knew that musashi is who he really wanted to see so just backed off.
#I wish we saw more than just this small reaction to it happening#cause like the next we see her she's just standing with the obsidian peeps again#like she wasn't just about to sprint full speed to katsumi's side only to realize that musashi was faster than her#like yeah she's been on shiro's side the whole time but like - we still saw how she fantasized in her ideal world that her and katsumi woul#become a couple#like i remember specifically when people of her ideal world start asking her about it she's said 'we're not together yet!!'#tho in the same breath if she really cared as much as she thought she did#would she have used his fake name knowing how much he hates it?#food for thought#lux rambles about orient.#ooc.post
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no pairing in the world will ever serve as much cunt as a courier x benny one, i will die with this truth in my heart
#rena.txt#benny is bi btw you can try and tear away from me this notion but i will bring it with me in the grave#like it might be my bias for my moira/benny but like the insanity of it all makes me delirious.#this guy in a fucking checkered suit talking all weird puts a bullet through the couriers head but he's so fail cringe that they survive an#now they are hunting him down. like for me the funny thing with moira is that it's all a matter of obsession. you saw me put benny under#enemy & lover in that template but lord is it all in her head. like she wakes up after a near death experience with half of her memories#lost and pre-incident moira would've tried to get the package back only out of spite but in this case it's simply bc..she is missing a#purpose now. she doesn't remember any family or friend or personal desire beside the fact she was there to deliver a package and she doesnt#even know what's inside. retriving is the only purpose to keep on living now. that and revenge which leads to obsession. but along the way#as she discovers piece after piece of benny. retracing the road that lead him to her..obsession gets more and more intense and suddenly#he's like a lover to her like they just had a silly little lovers quarrel that ended with a bullet. and it's all in her head and ofc ALL on#sided like the only interaction is the canon meeting at the tops that leads to the canon fucking akfjskf (again very silly cringe fail of#benny to even accept fucking the person he thought he killed. i love him) and it's like. the whole road she did with this idea of meeting#him and love (lmao) but he's there now and she can't kill the revengeful part of her obsession and for a second it's all like a dream. THE#dream that lived so long in her head. the ILLUSION. but now it's all so real and the Only end here is his death and she doesn't avoid it.#she embraces it she's HAPPY to kill him to have her revenge but the obsession..the obsession never leaves. now that he dies what's left?#and what about all the lil movies of them (insane) she played in her mind? so she's crying and laughing at the same time now in a mixture o#euphoria for finally taking tf out from the world that piece of shit and pain for the end of her little mind-movie. a fight between#irreality and reality. her illusions and the cold dead body resting next to hers.#i could eviscerate this concept forever just know i love my insane lil gal
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i think i'm the perfect family gathering babysitter bc i LOVE hearing people just go off about whatever topic and children LOVE doing that
#i saw my 6 year old cousin today for the first time in like 4 years#so this is the first time shes seen me and has a brain that can remember people. and im already probably her favourite cousin#she had SO much to say and she kept explaining and showing me so many things and we were having the time of our lives#she kept following me around and my dad had to move seats bc she wanted to sit next to me when we had cake :')#also im not opposed to the idea of having children one day (its just most probably not possible for me bc id rather die than get pregnant#and im not going to support adoption industry)#but every time i babysit any of my young relatives im like 'hm. do i want kids'#but anyways no one is entitled to having kids so. i am more than happy to just babysit and be the fun older cousin#aaagh im in such a good mood :')#leevi talks#i was at a cousin's graduation party and i cannot believe i was allowed to be there like. as myself#i wore a suit and got called by my real name and saw my great grandma and everything#there was a lot of family drama about me being trans but its all bc of my mom and im not going to get into it but its just.#all these years i never thought i could experience this#i thought literally no one but my dad would support me#but turns out that literally everyone but my mom and her dad love me#agh ok now im actually crying from feeling so loved#happy pride it gets better
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