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levantea · 3 years ago

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If Only | hyunjin

Pairing: bf!hyunjin x suicide gf!y/n

Genre: slight fluff, angst, grief, regret, death

Rating: PG, 15+

Warning: MAJOR! This story contains depressing statements, self-harm, some mentions of blood, death, some mentions of bullying, breaking down. If you feel that you are unable to handle such content, pls PLS DNI! | ONLY read if you feel prepared for it ><

Word Count: 7.3k

Synopsis: “If only i can rewind the time, i would have hold you tighter and never let you go.”

D-5

“If only life wasn’t this tough, i would have been happier.”

“If only life wasn’t this unfair, she would have lived a better life.”

—

Another appointment.

You sat on the bench with your hands held by your boyfriend. You stared at the interwined hands for a long while, thinking why would someone flawless would like someone who was broken inside out.

“Hun? What are you thinking about?” you heard his soft whisper beside you, grabbing your hand a little tighter to pull you back to earth. You flashed your iconic fake smile at him, telling him that you were admiring his hands, nothing else.

Lies, you were not even looking at it.

If only he wasn’t here, you would have find one corner to rip yourself out, bawling your eyes about how insecure and worthless you felt.

You weren’t someone like this. You weren’t someone who self-degrade everyday until you got bullied in school. Those awful people always gave you names, ugly ones like “slut”, “dirty bitch”, “worthless girl” etc. You questioned, what have you done wrong, but they always gave you superficial answers like “because you are just nothing” or “because you are dating someone way beyond your league” or “because you are so fucking poor that you don’t deserve to be in this school” and many more.

Mocking at yourself became a routine for you whenever you were alone. Staring into the mirror, pinpointing at how belitted you were because you don’t even have the courage to fight for yourself. You can’t expect Hyunjin to always be the one standing infront of you as you needed to be independent, but meeting that goal seemed so impossible with the current trash state you were in.

“Y/n? Room 305 please,” the nurse called your name as you left for the room after giving a light pat on your boyfriend’s shoulder. You were utmostly grateful for him who always accompanied you to visit your psychiatrist which had been going on for more than a year.

At the very beginning when you suspected yourself contracting depression, you were in a dilemma of confessing to him about your condition as you were worried that he would retaliate the fact about you. On the contrary, he became more patient and attentive towards you, always trying to talk and empathise.

Of course, he did beyond the limit before such as: going to your school to talk to your form teacher about your issue, but the tutors were technically useless as they were bribed by those rich kids’ parents. He also fought with the bullies, but to no avail.

You wanted to transfer school, but your parents had always wanted you to enter the current school you were in because of its reputation. Yes, all about reputation, all about giving them pride and the ability to flex their muscles infront of your relatives, while being oblivious or choose to be oblivious to the sufferings you encounter.

Faking a smile become one of your skill as it was perfect to the extend that nobody was able to guess if you were truly happy or not. People pleasing also became one of your skills because you always wanted others to be happy, despite putting yourself at a losing end. Although Hyunjin was the only person you can be all transparent with, you still hide some of your true emotions behind because you don’t want to burden him.

“Hi y/n, how are you feeling today?”

How am i feeling today?

Am i feeling good?

What does feeling good mean?

If not good that means im feeling bad?

“Not bad i guess,” you lied your way through your words as you flashes your fake smile again. The doctor nodded which showed that she believed in your words. You looked at her scribbling down her observations and you were closed to asking her if jotting down all these would actually make any of your situation better.

The same old conversation repeated between you and your psychiatrist and frankly speaking, you felt like you were paying to talk to someone who listened to you but not helping you to solve bottom of the root. However, you were told by your mother to visit this psychiatrist because she heard her friends telling her she was professional.

Once again, because your mother said so, not because you said so.

For almost your entire life had been planned by your parents and you were just a human who lived like a robot. The only choice you made was the boyfriend that sat outside waiting for you and you swore that he was the best decision you ever make.

“I’ll see you next month y/n, hope you will really get well soon,” your doctor bid a goodbye to you as you nodded, mentally replying if you would even meet her next month again.

Will next month even come?

“Hyun, let’s go,” you weakly called your boyfriend who fell asleep on the bench, only to jump up and retrieved your hand back in his the moment he heard your voice and quickly brought you to your favourite cafe to eat.

Ever since you were diagnosed with depression, negative thoughts ran around your mind every now and then. The slightest things could make you overthink to another level, making you frustrated and breaking down in the middle of the night, weeping at how useless you were and ended up carrying your vulnerable body back to bed and sleep after cutting yourself in the bathroom.

I can’t do this anymore.

Nobody knew about this, not even Hyunjin. Having depression was enough to make him worried and if you ever disclose about your insomnia, he would literally carry you back to his home and put you under his surveilliance 24/7.

You never object the idea of staying with him. In fact, the idea of staying together enticed you more than returning to your current house which you couldn’t even be yourself. However, the thought of you going crazy in the middle of the night would disturb him, or even affect his emotions made you reject the suggestion. Of course, you didn’t tell him the exact reason but merely saying due to your parent’s skepticism.

It was tiring enough for him to take care of a problematic girlfriend, it wouldn’t be feasible to tire him out more because he deserves so much better.

Whenever both of you are walking on the road, you used to love admiring his side features, slowly highlighting them with your fingers and praising how effortlessly they are crafted. And now, you only stare at him while he blabbers about what food he wanted to eat and where else he wanted to bring you to.

Your mind wondered,

How long more can i stay with you?

How long more can i pushed through the trough i am facing?

How long more do we have to spend our days together?

D-4

“If only people had more humanity, the world would have been more pleasant.”

“If only people were not as cunning, she wouldn’t have turned into a victim.”

—

The 2 words ‘high school’ were supposed to sound exciting and fun for all teenagers who are entering adulthood. Making new friends, experiencing life changes, getting into relationships, stepping out to work part time and many more.

Whenever it comes to your case, enjoyment was never a thing where you can fully indulge yourself because, you felt like you don’t deserve it. The only blissful moments you encounter are with Hyunjin.

Unfortunately, you had to spend hours of tortures in school before night comes and you get to heal yourself from your boyfriend. It was a pity that you both were in different high school because he was invited to join their scholarship programme due to his artpieces that were showcased in a national gallery.

If only he knew it earlier, he would have rejected and joined your school instead, so he could save you from your pain.

Well, some things are just meant to be.

You walked to school with a heavy heart as you were busy guessing what new games would the bullies play with you. Unexpectedly expected, you entered the classroom with a warm welcome of a pail of water pouring right on top of your head, making you all drenched when the sun was shining brightly in the sky.

“Our little toy is here, good morning,” Lia, the head of the gang snapped her fingers as she crossed her arm, strutting towards your direction, letting out a sounding laughter as she sees your eyes turning red.

I’m so sick and tired of all this.

“Oh dear, did it rain today? The sun is shining brightly outside though, where did you come from?” Her other bootlicker laughed sarcastically as she twirled the ends of your hair, causing you to shove her hands off.

Triggered, she pulled your hair tightly as you winced at the pain. She dragged you out of the classroom and into the washroom a few feets down, turning on the piped water and spray at you.

“What a great way to start the day,” you hissed at yourself.

“I will tell the teacher you are sick, so you better stay here and keep your mouth shut, or you will receive more rewards later,” she spitted at you, intentionally emphasising on the ‘rewards’ making you shudder from her words and nodded profusely, hoping that she would leave as soon as possible.

The moment the door closed, you letted out a long sigh to release some tension and looked at your pathetic state. You tried very hard to control your cries because you knew that the washroom is not sound proof, hence you had to bite on your hand to stop yourself from whimpering while shivering in cold.

Jinnie🦋’s calling.

“Hello? Hun? Have you reached the school?” the moment you heard the soft voice coming from the other end of the call, your tears fell uncontrollably because you desparately wished you can run into his arms right now, seeking some warmth that nobody else was able to provide you with.

“Y-yes, i have,” you fanned your tears and tried to alter your voice to sound as normal as possible, harshly wiping those tears away and putting on your smile.

It is okay to not be okay, but it is not okay to act like you are okay.

“Hun, what’s wrong? Are you crying?” Nothing beats him knowing you from inside out. You slightest tone, actions, texts are easily captured by him and you literally can’t escape anywhere far.

“Nothing, just that my sinus came back this morning, will be fine later,” you purposely sniffed harder to prove that your mucus is dripping but in fact, it was the mucus from crying excessively. You prayed that he would buy that as a reason and he did.

“Al-alright, take care okay drink more warm water, i’ll call you later at night, love you and you know i always do.”

He always managed to catch your heart when you were at your most vulnerable state, making you break down further more. You must have saved the world in your previous life for you to meet someone perfect like him, but probably at the wrong time, wrong place.

You clutched onto your heart as you fell onto the floor, bearing the heartpain you lived with for the past 1 year that haunted you every night while choking on your tears. The pain was unexplainable — it felt like it was devouring pieces of your soul and mind and you needed better ways to release them.

The only solution you turned to id self-harm, as it was the only way where you could transfer your emotional and mental pain to physical, in hope that it will help you to feel better or numb your broken heart.

Whenever you see the sight of blood, you would laugh pathetically at how you had to resort to harming yourself to make you and others feel better. Despite knowing that Hyunjin wouldn’t bear to see anybody or yourself harming you, you still go for it because you were at your wits end to survive from all these bullshits.

Will physical pain help me to relieve from my sufferings?

Will dying help me to end my agony?

Will anybody miss me if i leave?

D-3

“If only they were more empathetic, i wouldn’t have swallowed everything on my own.”

“If only they cared for her more, she wouldn’t have felt so unloved by her closest kins.”

—

“Well done y/n, you have scored 90 upon 100, you parents must be very proud of you,” you tutor praised you as she handed your exam paper over to your hands.

You laughed bitterly, “Saem, if only they are like what you said, thank you,” you bowed a little before returning to your seat, earning menacing glares from Lia’s gang.

You were in deep trouble, 2 somemore. Firstly, your parents expected you to get at least 95 but you still have 5 more marks to hit the minimum they setted for you. Secondly, you knew that it will be another day of torture because they scored lower than you and used you as their lashing ground.

If only i can vanish now.

“Hun, how’s your paper? did well?”

You swiped to see the message, secretly replying to your lover under the table.

“Yes i did Hyun, but could have been better.”

“It’s okay hun, i know you did your best! *kissy emoji*”

You chuckled softly at his message, locking your screen as you returned your attention to the whiteboard. As the teacher went on, your mind wondered to the heartwarming moments you had with Hyunjin, and he was the only place you felt at home was in his arms, the only time when you felt happy was with him.

You really hope to stay forever together with him, but your soul and body is telling you otherwise because you were too exhausted to live on with your life. Little did you know that a tear drop fell onto your paper, staining the words written in ink and causing it to smudge.

You carassed the word that was blurring. “Resilience,” you mumbled under your breath and laughed weakly.

If only i have it, i wouldn’t have hurted myself.

You went home with your hair messed up and sticky due to the unknown liquid that was splashed across your entire body. People were judging you from top to bottom as you travelled back, saying how pathetic you are and how they wish to hug you and give you comfort.

Why being so hypocratic?

You ignored their gazes and dashed home after you exited the bus, closing the doors behind you and kneeling to let your tears out. Fortunately your parents were not home, so you could at least let off some steam before getting ready for another round of war.

Showering became a reflective session where you looked back at your life. You kept staring at the different wounds on your wrists, thanking how much they have contributed to help you ease some internal pain.

What if i cut a deeper one?

You shook your head and wiped the water droplets off your body, slipping into your home wear and left the bathroom.

You had a love hate relationship with your bathroom. You love it because it is the only space when you can be yourself, but you also hate it because that’s when all the negativity swallow you up, making it an ideal place for you to cut yourself.

“Not today,” you lightly patted your cheeks and exited your room to welcome your parents back, despite hating this family culture very much.

“Hi y/n, how’s your results? i heard from my friends that their kids have gotten back,” your mum had to ask that whenever she entered the house. You groaned silently while faking a smile, answering her that you also received your results and the score you were given.

She opened her eyes wide, expecting you to meet her requirements but turning into a frown when she heard your answer.

“90 only? i was expecting at least a 95, i told you last week right? what happened? this is so disappointing y/n,” your mum gave you an upsetting expression which caused your heart to fell.

You were expecting them to be upset, but you didn’t expect how painful those words rang in your head, telling you indirectly that you were not up to standard.

You are nothing.

“I will try harder next time mum, im sorry,” you lowered your head and stared at the ground, waiting for her unpleasant response.

“That’s what you always tell me, but never once you did it, forget it, you can’t be successful anyways,” she hissed at you and went into her room, leaving you standing there.

Ouch.

Looking at your dad, in hope to see at least some hopeful expressions on his face, but to your dismay, he trailed behind your mum and left you and the table of dishes alone.

The urge of crying had increased tremendously for the past 2 days. You felt a waste for not becoming a contributor of water or tear supply and you were certain that you could earn big bucks if you created that supply chain on your own.

“They don’t understand me, they never will,” you returned to your room, falling onto the ground as you leaned against your door, puling at the demoralising comments and reactions they gave.

You were so engrossed in your crying session that you were oblivious to the countless calls your lover was trying to reach you. It was only until the 20th call then you picked up.

“Hun?! Are you okay? I called you 20 times and you finally answered, did anything happen?”

“Oh no, i was telling my parents my results,” you take deep breaths to stifle your tears.

“Were they happy with your results?”

Pang, you felt heart oozed when you saw that question.

“Yes they were.”

Wow, you were actually amazed with your lying skills.

“They should be, thankfully nothing happened to you, by the way, today i encountered…” he started sharing about the things he experienced that day and the obstacles he faced, somewhat calming you down from your negative emotions.

Although you were not able to express your situation entirely, listening to his healing voice was enough to make you felt better from the things you faced just now.

As he was talking, your brain kept replaying the disappointed expressions etched on your parents’ face and thought,

Will i be able to wait till the day where i can satisfy them?

Will there be a day where they can truly understand me?

Will they be guilty if they don’t see me anymore?

D-2

“If only i didn’t fake my happiness, they would have embraced me more.”

“If only she told us her true circumstance, we would have dragged her off from that shitty place.”

—

One last time.

You texted in the group chat that contained 2 of your best friends you met since 7 years ago. Other than Hyunjin, the 2 of them had also been very encouraging towards you. However, as all of you grew older, more workloads had been piling, including them getting attached. Hence, meetups had been reduced from once per month to once per term (3 months).

Soon after you sent the message, the 2 replied instantly and agreed to meet up with you. Thankfully they did, if not you probably wouldn’t meet them ever again. You thought that they dote you alot and it would be nice to end things well with them.

“I’ll book our go-to restaurant is that okay?” One of the pair followed up with the message. “Sure,” you typed into the chat box and sent, walking towards your wardrobe and picked your favourite dress that was given by them on your birthday.

“What a pity,” you mumbled to yourself as you skimmed through the various outfits hanging inside. You used to be a huge fan of fashion and bought alot when you were younger — skirts, dresses, pants with different lengths, shirts, crops, anything you would name it.

“Maybe i should bring a few for them,” you thought it would be a waste to keep so many, so you selected a few that suits each of them and they are relatively new.

It’s not like you will be wearing them anymore.

It didn’t take you long to dress and make up as you are quite experienced in them. You texted your boyfriend to tell him you would be hanging out with your best friends and he replied with a “take care” and love emoji.

“2 more days, at least let me enjoy these 2 days,” you gently ruffled your own hair, patting your shoulders to encourage yourself. Wouldn’t be nice to plaster a gloomy face when meeting them, so you tried to put all the upsetting things aside and live in the moment. After preparing yourself mentally, you slipped onto your favourite heels and left the house.

“Y/n, here!” you saw your besties waving at you eagerly which made your heart melt. Yes, you heart was that fragile and easily satisfied. The slightest warmth radiating from others would make you happy all day.

“Sorry, got caught in a jam, have you guys been waiting for long?” you flashed your smile at them, and for once it was not artificial.

“Nope! No worries let’s order the food now,” one of them patted your hands lightly, making your heart feel at ease. Unsure if it was due to all the bullying, your anxiety had been on its peak for the past few months and you were very worried if people were offended by the most minimal thing you do.

It has been a while since the trio met and you felt touched by how the bond between the 3 of you was still very strong. Chatting with them always helped you to have a peace of mind for that moment, before horror returned to your life.

They were unaware about your sufferings in school as you know their tempers were like volcanoes. They will probably flip the whole school upside down which was the last thing you hope to see as you still needed to stay in the school, as instructed by your parents. By hook or by crook, you had to grab that position in school until you graduate.

“Y/n! How have you been doing?” the other short haired bestie grabbed your wrist, making you flinch subconciously as a new wound was etched on your skin yesterday.

“What’s wrong?” she asked again as you retracted your hands from her, shaking your head and lied to her saying you strained your wrist, hence resulting the reaction you gave. She nodded and wished you get well soon, and deep down in your heart knows that it will never get any better.

Not this life.

“I have been doing o-okay,” you stuttered at the last word as you felt like puking when you answered the opposite from what you truly felt. Reminding yourself repeatedly to not make them worry, you tried to portray as normal and positive as possible so they would not catch any loopholes you leaked.

Somehow the conversation led to death and afterlife. The 2 girls infront of you were having their tedtalk and sharing about what they would do if those happened and laughed at it. Despite feeling uncomfortable with their jokes, you retained that smile on your face, but soon fading when they posed the question to you.

“How about you y/n? What would you do when you die and afterlife?”

What do i want to do?

Is there anything i can do?

I can…finally be released from pain?

I can…finally be myself again?

“I…i just hope that death will actually bring more freedom to me and my afterlife will be full of peace and serenity.”

Those were your heartfelt words. You tried to make it sound as neutral and diplomatic as possible, earning their agreement and praising you for being so matured thinking.

“Then, what would you guys do if i die?” you blurted out your questions and you didn’t regret because you wanted to know, how would they react and feel about it. To put yourself in their shoes, you will definitely feel awful and despair when your closest friend has died and hoping to bring them back, but on another perspective, you will feel happy for her because she finally regained freedom.

“I would- hey y/n! don’t say that okay, we will live on and be besties forever!” the longer haired girl pulled your hand in hers, and you nodded reluctantly as you thought otherwise.

Time flies and the 3 of you needed to part. Before leaving, you gave each of them one last and long hug which caused them to question why have you became so clingy and emotional. You were tearing up as you had to pull away from them, telling them that,

“I miss you guys so much and i love you guys forever, no matter where i am, my heart always follows you.”

They were quite shocked at your statement but you alter brushed it off by saying you wanted to express how grateful you are to have them, and they laughed at how kiddo you became.

You tried hard to swallow back your tears as you waved a goodbye at them, only to fall uncontrollably when you are out of their sight.

Please don’t blame me for being selfish, i need to go.

Please don’t feel guilty for not asking more, i want you both to be happy.

Please don’t miss me when i leave, because i won’t be there anymore.

D-1

“If only i was being more honest, he wouldn’t have been so angry at me.”

“If only i was her, i would have bring all her pain away.”

—

Saturday has finally arrived and it is a fixed day where both you and Hyunjin will go on a date. Typically, he would suggest where both of you could go because you guys had similar taste and hobbies, but that day was special because you requested for it, since you only have less than 24 hours left.

You picked your ultimate outfit that was matched by Hyunjin personally when he came over to your house one of the days, and you wanted to wear them for the last date. You did a thorough makeup, trying to look as presentable as possible as you want to leave the best memory for both of you.

You decided to let go all the negative energies for that day and fully immerse into the time between both of you. Amusement park was your choice and he was totally up for it.

“Which stop do you want to go next babe?” he asked you while licking the cotton candy you both shared. You chuckled lightly at his question, replying “anywhere as long as i am with you hyun”

His eyes widened and mouth opened in ‘o’ shape. You raised your eyebrows and looked at him, seeing him shaking his head.

“Hun, did you consume a bottle of honey today? You are exceptionally sweet!” he gave you an eskimo kiss as you leaned in to peck the corner of his lips.

“I am only sweet because i am with you,” you skipped to the next station while pulling him along, causing him to laugh at your response and willingly being tugged by you.

If only this moment stays forever, you thought.

People always say good times are short. Indeed, in a flash the sky had gotten darker and it’s time to leave the amusement park. Still holding hand in hand, you both went to a nearby mall to grab dinner before leaving.

You tried to seize all opportunities you could to take pictures of him, and sometimes the both of you as memory. It doesn’t matter if you will be able to see it anymore, but at least the good stays.

“Babe, you have been staring at me for the last 15 mins, is my face that appealing?” you heard the latter sitting opposite you nudging his eyebrows, winking at your flushed cheeks as you coughed to lessen the awkwardness.

You were daydreaming how that charming face will look like if he is upset. You rarely see him breaking down or getting gloomy, unless something happened to you. You once recalled that you fainted in school due to dehydration as the bullies locked you in the janitors room after your physical education class, and you were sent to the A&E.

Etching deeply in your mind, you cannot forget how happy he looked when he saw you opening your eyes, hugging you tightly and whispered soothing words to you. That was also the day when he went to the school and fought with them, but ended up getting a complain when he returned back to his school as your school filed it, causing him to receive demerit points.

“Yes, that appealing, i love it,” you didn’t bother to hide your true feelings from him because he literally look like a sculpture, gaining attention whereever he goes. He chuckled at your reply and suddenly leaned his face closer to you, making you back off abit.

“Then continue loving it, im yours anyways,” his tone went an octave lower before kissing the corner of your lips, causing you to swallow your saliva when you knew he was teasing you.

You slapped his shoulders playfully as the food were delivered infront of both of you and told him to focus on the food first. You were being exceptionally sensitive and mindful for the day because you wanted to use all your 5 senses to absorb every moment ticking by before it stops.

If only people are this mindful.

After having a wonderful last meal, Hyunjin suggested to walk back to your apartment instead of taking a bus as the food was filling. You were more initiative because you wanted to let him know how much you love and care for him, how much he had conquered your heart.

The breeze was strong enough to blow your hair messily and you tugged onto your boyfriend’s shirt, telling him to stop walking for awhile as you wanted to breathe in some air.

Suddenly, your hands were gripped by him as he asked in a concern tone, “what are all these babe?”

You immediately paused in your indulgement as you saw him lifting your sleeve, exposing all the different cuts and wounds you created for yourself. No words could come out from your mouth because you knew that nothing could cover up anymore.

“Hyun, i-i-i,” you stumbled over your words as you saw expression changed from confusion to fury and disappointment. You thought that he was angry because you didn’t tell him, but it wasn’t.

“Babe, why? why do you do all these to yourself?! You have me, you have your besties, why would you do that?!” his voice raised as your tears starting coming back to your eyes again.

“Hyun, i, i don’t know, i was in so, so much pain, like my heart, i don’t know what else i can do to relieve from them,” you had completely throw all your image in the public as you burst into tears, sliding down onto your knees as you hugged yourself, hiding your crying face from the outside.

“Y/n, i thought that i told you before, if you ever face any negative emotions or things, talk to me, rant to me, i can be your ranting bin but why? why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” he lowered himself, shaking your body lightly, hoping to bring some sense back to you.

Nothing goes in because you were already a crying mess.

Oh no, i messed up another day.

“Hyun i-“ before finishing your sentence, you saw him turning on his heels and left. You were dumbfounded by his actions and you were certained that he was angry, very angry at you for not being transparent to him. Cries got louder as you fell onto the floor, rejecting kind tissues offered by passers by.

If only i leaned on him more, he wouldn’t have left me.

“I didn’t leave you,” you heard his husky voice reaching into your ears as you sharply lifted your head, seeing him holding onto 2 ice creams on both hands. Your lips immediately curled up as you were still sobbing, making you looked like a psychopath who found happiness. You crashed into his arms even if he couldn’t hug you, having yourself find the way back home.

“I bought your favourite dessert, don’t cry anymore my dear, i wasn’t angry at you, i was just, i was just blaming myself too for not noticing them earlier,” he brought you to a bench on the side, passing you the ice cream which slightly melted.

“I will never leave you y/n, never, i need you because i love you, and im sorry for not loving you more.”

You shook your head profusely, telling him that he shouldn’t apologise at all because it was none of his fault, whereas it was due to him you felt better.

“Im sorry y/n, im sorry you have to go through all these. If only we can switch bodies, i wish you are happier to become me and i will remove all your pain away,” Hyunjin pulled you into his embrace, uttering into your ears and hiding his face into your neck.

The only home you have is him.

“It’s all meant to be Hyun, karmic debt,” you reciprocated the hug by pulling him closer to you, sniffing in his mild scent which calmed you down.

When will i be able to hug you again?

“Don’t hurt yourself anymore y/n, my heart hurts everytime you cut yourself, you know? You deserve so so much better from this shitass world, i really do believe in that,” he gently ruffled your hair, running them down till the end to express how much he adored you.

When will i be able to experience it again?

Your emotions returned to normal as you both reached the entrance of your apartment building. Before parting, you gave each other one last hug as he sent you off. After a few steps, you ran back into his arms again, swearing to yourself that this would be the one last time you would be doing this, hugging your most beloved person.

“I love you Hyun, i really do, and i know you know it, i will love you no matter what and my heart belongs to you, forever,” you smiled bitterly and gave him your last statement which he assumed to be your goodnight message, nodding his head and chased you back to your house if you don’t wish to get more scoldings from your mum.

It doesn’t matter anymore, 24 hours is ending.

Before the apartment door closed, you turned and waved at him, giving the most genuine, warm, bright smile you could master before leaving. When he was out of sight, you recalled what your best friends asked you, and you found answers to them.

The first thing i want to do after i die is to find freedom.

The second thing i want to do in my afterlife is to find Hyunjin again.

The third thing i hope it will happen in my next life is to be forever together with him, if fate allows.

“24 hours is up, y/n, time to leave.”

D-0

“If only i was still alive, i wish to elope with you and move to somewhere nobody can find us.”

“If only you were still by my side, i wish to lock you because you know i can’t leave you alone.”

—

“120 joules, clear!”

No response.

“200 joules, clear!”

Flat line ECG still shown on the screen.

“Highest we go, Dr Lim?” the nurse was hesitant to turn to highest joules. Looking at the right hand’s wrist painted with fresh red blood leaking over the mesh, she can’t help but feel pity for your young, petite body laying on the bed motionless.

“Yea, 360 joules then,” another nurse helped to wipe the thin layer of sweat sticking off the doctor’s forehead, darting her gaze between the doctor’s frowns and the girl lying pale infront of them.

Still.

The medic crew were trying their best to salvage the poor little girl whose body was half filled with blood, ignorant to her loved ones weeping outside the emergency room, screaming countless “if onlys” and praying the girl could come back alive.

If only those prayers were heard.

Worst, the person who was the most pathetic would be none other than your boyfriend. The moment he heard your mum called and told him about your A&E admission, his phone fell onto the floor instantly as his hands were over his widely opened mouth.

He was dumbfounded and in denial. He could not bring himself to believe the fact that you cutted your most vital vein on your wrist right after you returned home, after giving him the brightest smile and most heartwarming message he loved on top of everything. He literally dashed out of the house, flagging the nearest cab as possible and stumbled over his words when he told the driver to drive him to the hospital.

Losing rationality, he was sobbing as he knocked onto few people while trying his best to reach the A&E in the fastest speed possible, unable to control his facial expressions anymore. Body numbing, heart aching, head spinning made him look like a lovesick boy who is losing his reason to breathe properly.

Nurses were offering to help him but he forcefully pushed them away, repeating your name endlessly like a broken cassette. He was still holding that last hope to see you right infront of his naked eyes, still standing firm, grinning and welcoming him into your embrace, assuring him that it was just a dream.

If only his assumptions were real.

The moment he made a turn towards the A&E, he saw you lying peacefully on the hospital bed through the transparent glassdoor. This time round, no smile, no gaze, no heartbeat, but only you closing your eyes and paled lips, with your outfit stained with her own blood.

He fell onto the floor as he bawled his eyes out, releasing the accumulated tears since he was home till then, finally seeing you right infront of your face and your coma state. Hyunjin banged on the transparent door repeatedly, begging the doctor and nurses to let him in but of course, the protocol forbids that.

He was going crazy because he couldn’t accept his beloved girl decided to end her life right after their last date in order to bid goodbye. The conversations, the touches, the kisses, the hugs, the sweet whisperings, had vanished in a flash.

“Why? Why did you leave me y/n?! Why…” his eyes never left your body despite getting swollen and blurry, because he wanted to take a close look at you again before you leave him entirely for this life. He clutched onto his chest, suffocating from the heartbreak he was going through. Dying was likened to what he felt then.

“Is that how heartpain feels like? You must be in alot of pain y/n, alot, alot to the extend that i can’t do anything to lift them off you anymore, im so sorry my dear,” he laughed at himself sarcastically and bitterly at how guilty he was for not holding you tighter.

If only he was more intuitive, if only he probed more on what you meant for your last message, if only you didn’t chase her back, if only…

No matter how many “if onlys” overwhelmed his brain, the situation was irreversible.

Not feeling anywhere better, your family and best friends were also whimpering at your hopeless state, having self blaming sessions for not loving you more.

“Y/n’s loved ones?” The doctor came out, leading everyone to turn and rushed up to him, tugging onto his white coat desparately.

“I’m sorry, we tried our best, my condolences,” he lowered and shook his head, letting out a huge sigh before leaving the upset bunch collapsing.

Hyunjin was the first to rush through the automatic door, grabbing your hands that had turn icy. His cries subsided, only left with tears still running down his visual. He planted a soft kiss on your hands, putting them over his cheek because he missed your touch.

“Im sorry my dear, i hope you feel better on the other side and let’s meet again in next life. If only i can rewind the time, i would have hold you tighter and not let you go…” he mastered all energy he was left with to lift his lips, gradually accepting the fact that you left him, left his arms and left the world.

“Hyunjin, this is what she left for you, and only you,” your parents came in and patted his discouraged back, passing a piece of paper that was neatly written by you.

“Why you gotta do this to me y/n,” he laughed bitterly before reading, muttering to the deceased body of yours and saying how much he missed your handwriting, like how you always wrote love letters to him and placed in his locker back in middle school.

[Dear Hyun, my favourite Hyun,

If only my heart were as cold as i pretend it is, maybe i could get over this.

If only i am alive, i want to tell you how much i love you, with my whole heart and soul.

If only i can make a wish, i hope to meet you again in next life and live with you forever.

I love you Hyunjin, i wholeheartedly do, but maybe i had too many karmic debts to pay, im sorry for not being able to walk the future with you. The very last thing i would want to see is you blaming yourself for not saving me. It’s not your fault at all Hyun, you did all you can to help me but i was just too weak, too vulnerable and i can’t do this anymore. The only solution i can think of to end my suffering is by ending my life. If you ever find someone who can love you more than i do, i wish you all the best and luck. Don’t forget that no matter where you go and where you are, i am always with you, although i am not by your side anymore…]

Hyunjin embraced the letter as if it was a rare antique, leaning in to kiss your forehead, nose and lips one last time before departing. “If only i could find someone better than you, but i know no one would love me as deeply as you do,” he said.

Despite his desire to keep you, he knew that he had to accept the fact that you had left, forever.

Him, exhausted and unable to bear the grief, left the hospital after taking one final look at you. Holding onto the letter tightly, he left the hospital in tears from the tragedy.

The moment he stepped outside the door, he saw rain clouds overhead, and it began to pour heavily. A few raindrops fell onto his palms as he looked up at the dark sky that resembled his emotions as he extended his hand beyond the sheltered area.

Suddenly, he couldn’t tell it the raindrop on his face were actual raindrops or tears. As the chilly weather and lack of warmth from you engulfed him, he muttered,

“Even the sky is crying at your absence hun…i already miss you… if only i was one step ahead, would the situation have changed? If only… hah, that must be the 2 saddest words in the world.”

Author’s Note (important):

Hey guys! For those who have read finish, thank you for taking the time to read it. Just a few things i wanna say: firstly, hereby i am not trying to preach self harming or suicide as an ideal way to stop your pain, definitely not. If you suspect yourself needing help, please approach professionals to seek therapy or counselling. What i am trying to bring across is that i don’t wish you guys to regret after losing someone you love, because you didn’t cherish the person more when they were alive, or even yourself. If only doesnt apply to people, it can be anything. It can be your goals, your dreams etc. I used to have a friend who was bullied in school and i managed to help her, and i also had classmate cutted herself in class. I used to think that all these methods are the most suitable to end my pain, but i decided not to because i feel that there are so many other beautiful things awaiting for me to discover, and yes i was able to push through it. Life is not easy, likewise for me. I have been struggling alot in my daily life, my family, my studies, my work as they are all piling on me.

Also, I take this platform as a form to distress, but recently i ended up overthinking if my work is actually up to (my) standard. I understand that this platform is supposed to be for fun, but i constantly doubt myself if my work is okay, if my english is okay, if the story flows right etc. If you guys don’t know, i am someone who set high expectations for myself and giving myself alot of stress which i don’t even know why i want to torture myself like this. It took me sometime to finish this fic because i had alot of dilemma and self doubts along the way, but well i finished it. Despite you liking it or not, i feel that i have already poured as much real life emotions into this, because i don’t wanna leave any regrets behind.

If only i am more confident about myself, i wouldn’t have given myself so much stress… am i right?

However, this doesn’t stop me from writing because i love throwing my ideas and expanding them to become a story or a fic, so if you guys wish to give me feedback or any encouragement, feel free to do so! If you guys don’t agree with what i said, just keep those comments to yourself and slide away thank u!

-> Taglist: @ajxreads @xa21x (comment under here to join!)

-> Masterlist | About

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deniigi · 4 years ago

Note

I WOULD LOVE A DAVE FIC !!!

Excellent. Here’s for you and @dudewhereismy-tardis

I am putting most of it under the cut because it is LONG

Dave (Daredevil copycat from Inimitable Verse) POV. Reminder that Dave is not his real name, but one given to him disdainfully by Wade in this verse.

Title: rises in the east

------------

“Dad.”

What?

“Dad.”

What time was it?

“Your phone’s ringing,” Charlie said. “It’s the boss.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“Give it here,” Dave rasped, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Mom said you’re gonna hurt your back sleepin’ on the couch,” Charlie reported as she shoved his phone into his palm.

“My couch, my rules,” Dave said. He crammed the phone to his ear. “Ansel here,” he said.

Charlie wanted to stay home and if she was a year older, Dave would have let her. But alas. The last time he’d let her stay home, she’d texted her friend Jesse who had become unspeakably jealous and had appealed to her own parents for such freedoms, and now the whole block thought that Dave recklessly abandoned his daughter when he went to the goddamn grocery store.

All that for a can of Sprite, man.

This neighborhood was off the fuckin’ charts sometimes.

Case in point: Dani standing in front of him in the lobby with her hands on her hips, telling him that he needed to wear a tighter t-shirt or to start flexing because they were losing business.

“Dani, I’m an instructor,” he reminded her. “I’m hired to do classes.”

“It’s two hours,” Dani said. “Take the damn fliers.”

But he didn’t want to?

Dani blinked at him slowly from under her headband.

Charlie was having a great time and Dave was glad for that because he was not. He was being stared at by every person in the street as if they’d never seen a dude with muscles before.

It was the shirt.

He knew it was the shirt.

And possibly his nipples. Smashing the brochures high enough against his chest to cover them wasn’t going well and the highlighter teal underarmor Dani had forced upon him left very little to the imagination here.

There wasn’t anything else to do but let the poor things live their best lives.

“Dad, gimme more,” Charlie said.

She tugged at the brochures covering what was left of his dignity.

Blessed child, who hurt you?

“Where did the others go?” he asked her.

Charlie pointed across the road to a gaggle of ladies leaning out from their stoop, smiling.

Ah.

Yes.

Them.

“Let’s try for someone who looks more like a bro,” he told his offspring.

Charlie blinked up at him.

“Why?” she asked.

Oh, baby.

“Because they’re an easy mark,” he said. “Go up and say ‘my dad can take you’ and send ‘em my way, okay?”

Charlie’s face went from confused to ready to kill instantly.

This was her game face. This was her ‘I’m gonna wreck this goalee’s teeth’ face.

Dave shouldn’t have been proud of her, really; her teachers said that she was becoming argumentative and obstinate in the classroom. But there was just something there in the fact that his kid sure as shit wasn’t no sheep that made his chest feel big, wide, and full of hot air.

“I’m on it,” Charlie said.

He gave her three brochures and let her scramble off to the other side of the sidewalk and then turned to meet the eye of a family with a father with neat hair and the beginnings of triceps peeking out from under his sleeves.

“You lookin’ for a gym, sir?” he asked.

The guy looked his way and eyed him up.

He took a flier on his way past.

“Excuse me?”

“One second, man,” Dave said, doing the rock-shuffle to keep all the fliers on the table from blowing away.

“Excuse me.”

“Hey, I said just a sec,” Dave snapped.

He turned back and found himself staring into the dark eyes of a bald man with olive skin and deep wrinkles in his forehead.

And Dave knew him.

Holy shit.

Dave knew him.

Fuck.

God.

Jesus, Lord.

“I am so sorry,” he started.

“DAD.”

Ch—Charlie?

He looked down and sure enough, holding Rudolph ‘Diamond’ De Luca’s massive bearpaw was his very own daughter. De Luca made her wiry, suntanned limbs seem like unbaked pretzels.

He was so much bigger than he’d seemed on TV all those years ago.

“This your kid?” De Luca asked.

Jesus.

“She is. I’m so sorry,” Dave said, “Did she—she didn’t bite you or anything, did she?”

“Dad,” Charlie whined. “Don’t tell ‘im that.”

“I’ll pay for whatever damage—” Dave continued.

De Luca blinked at him impossibly slowly with long dark eye lashes. He turned his face slowly back down towards Charlie.

“You sure this is your old man?” he asked.

Wh—

Wait.

What the hell did that mean?

“That’s him,” Charlie moaned. “He’s just bein’ dumb. Dad. Stop bein’ dumb. This dude’s the real deal. He’ll fight you in a heartbeat.”

Dave grabbed his child before she could cause any more damage. She made a fuss, but let go of De Luca’s mitt. Dave shoved her behind him, just in case this situation got any more tense than it needed to be.

De Luca lifted an eyebrow at that and then brought his face back up to Dave’s.

“Who’s gym?” he asked.

What?

Oh.

“Spitfire,” Dave said. “We’re, uh, just about there, on the—”

“I know where you’re about,” De Luca said.

Dave didn’t know what to say. De Luca held his eye.

Oh, god.

This wasn’t going well.

“How old are you, son?” De Luca asked.

FFFFFFFFFFFffffffffffffuck.

“38,” Dave said.

“And your baby girl?” De Luca asked, gesturing with his chin down at Charlie.

“I’m 12,” Charlie told him brightly.

“Hm,” De Luca said.

He shifted his weight back and wrapped a few fingers around his chin, surveying Dave’s whole body like he was the statue of David with a knee injury.

Dave became intimately aware of his nipples again.

“Not bad,” De Luca said.

Oh, thank god.

“Thank you, sir,” Dave said. “Is there, uh, somethin’ I could help you with?”

“You got an accent,” De Luca noted.

Uh?

“A good accent,” De Luca said. “Whereabouts did you grow up?”

Oh.

Well.

Dave could actually just point to it from here. The condo was still standing, despite all building codes and actual alien invasions. At this point, the only thing that was gonna take it down were the rampant, rapidly mutating, borderline feral gangs of chickens that roamed its halls.

Not that anyone spoke about them.

No, that was inviting trouble to your doorstep.

“The chicken coop?” De Luca said.

The one and only.

“Bless you, you poor fuck.”

Yeah, that tended to be the usual reaction.

De Luca laughed.

“You’re a funny guy, uh,” he squinted at Dave’s nametag, “Ansel?”

How could a word sound so wrong in someone’s mouth?

Where had Dave’s life gone wrong that his own name sounded so foreign and distant to his ears?

“Actually,” he said, swallowing, “My uh, my friends call me ‘Dave.’”

De Luca’s head snapped right up and slowly, a grin spread across his face.

“Oh, now, that’s a good name for ya,” he said. “You look like a Davy.”

Hng.

Diamond De Luca thought he looked like a ‘Davy.’

Welp.

Time to get that birth certificate changed.

“Listen, Davy,” De Luca said casually, “Your baby girl there was tellin’ me that your boss has you out here like dancin’ monkey; is that true?”

Fffffffffff.

Technically yes?

“It’s even his day off,” Charlie whispered.

Dave wrapped a hand over her face.

“It’s fine,” he said. “It happens. Folks’ve been sick lately. I don’t normally do this kinda thing.”

De Luca’s face said that that was real cute. Real, real cute, honey.

“Well,” he said, “Let’s just say it like this. Where you work don’t gotta be where you train.”

Oh.

Was he offering--?

“If you decide to drop by, tell the guy at the desk Rudy sent you,” De Luca said. “Your kid’s real sweet, Davy. She can come too, lord knows the damn place is a daycare at this point.”

“Thank? You?” Dave stuttered.

“Don’t mention it,” De Luca said.

He left. Dave watched him waltz down the block and wave at the gals collected on the stoop at the end of it and felt a little lightheaded.

“Dad?”

Not right now, champ.

“Dad? Is he famous or somethin’?”

HHHHHHHHHHNG.

Back when Dave had been 14 and scraping the tips of his fingers into callouses on the old guitar he’d found tossed into a dumpster in the Upper West Side, he’d had to compete with the sound of the couple fighting in the apartment next door and with the radio the old man downstairs always had playing on his fire-escape window.

The old man downstairs was a real hard-ass. Always slammed a broom into the ceiling, scaring the shit out of Mom and Dad and sister and auntie. Dave had never seen him not smoking, nor had he ever seen him without suspenders.

The man was a retired plumber, apparently. And while Jim Beam was his main vice, his passion was boxing.

To the tune of chords picked out of an out-of-tune guitar, Dave had listened to tinny commentators oohing and awing over match after match, until finally, when sleep wouldn’t come one night, Dave had snuck out of the room he’d shared with Flora. He’d settled down on the living room couch, next to his old man splayed out in the recliner.

Dad had lifted his eyes slowly his way and told him that he should have been in bed.

Dave had told him that he couldn’t sleep because the couple next door was makin’ up from their daily afternoon argument and Dad had just sighed.

He’d let Dave stay up with him and the TV in the living room had fuzzed and rattled away, making sounds really familiar to Dave at that point.

Boxing was a sport that he had, up until that night, left to his father. But for the lack of anything else to talk about that wouldn’t make his dad look at him with disappointment in his eyes for all that damn music-playin’ and eyeliner, he’d asked who the guy on the screen was.

And that was how he’d learned about Diamond De Luca.

About Kenny Varga. Bert ‘The Albatross’ Kleinfeld.

But there was one guy who Dad had mentioned was his favorite rookie and, now it felt both kind of silly and surreal that the name had been spoken so casually in Dave’s home growing up.

Dad had been puttin’ money on Battlin’ Jack Murdock back when Dave had been a little kid.

He told Dave, disappointedly, after a few weeks of Dave getting up at 12:30 to come out and watch boxing with him that he’d really thought that Murdock was gonna be the next big thing.

Guy was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, Dad had said, shaking his head. But wolves that got too wily got put down and Battlin’ Jack had been found in an alley, bled out in the arms of his reason for fighting.

Dad said it was a fuckin’ shame that Murdock had gone out with a slug in his head.

A fuckin’ shame, he said.

Dave didn’t remember him every saying that Murdock’s reason for fighting was a blind ten-year-old, but the thought was now merged with that memory.

That, in itself, was merged with the memory of Dave’s phone ringing one night was Addie’s name on the Caller ID. Her voice was shaking when she told Dave that the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen had just called her from an unknown number.

He had their baby.

He’d snatched her and Jesse out of the arms of two men looking for girls to be used in businesses Dave didn’t want to think about.

He’d saved them.

The devil had heard their screams when no one else had and he’d come flying out of the dark.

He’d held the girls in the light of a bodega and he’d coached Charlie through typing Addie’s number into his phone and then he’d taken it from there.

Addie was too scared to go meet the devil on her own. Mason hadn’t been around yet and so Dave had thrown on his shoes and had meet her on 46th.

The devil was on 48th, swinging his boots with both girls in his lap.

They were all singing. The devil had pretended like he didn’t know the words to Britney Spears’s ‘Toxic.’

Matt Murdock was under that mask.

Knowing that this whole time, he’d been the one dragging a stick against the fences and bricks of Hell’s Kitchen was almost impossible to digest.

And Dave had worked with him now.

He’d seen that smirk and that notorious jaw unwrapped from its red armor and that didn’t make reconciling the murdered boxer’s son with the man who’d saved his daughter any easier.

Charlie hadn’t remembered him.

She thought that Matt Murdock was a weird fuckin’ dude, and granted, he was a weird fuckin’ dude, but Dave had to say: he was grateful.

Matt Murdock not only brought home his baby, but he’d given Dave purpose in a life that had become consumed by the daily grind.

Matt Murdock had smiled in his direction, never quite into his eyes, and he’d passed along the baton with next to no fight.

Dave wasn’t him.

Dave would never be him.

Matt Murdock wasn’t just some poor murdered boxer’s blind son. He was the product of some serious poverty. Some serious violence. A whole fuckin’ cult induction, if he was to be believed. And Dave wasn’t so sure if he was always to be believed.

But he still appreciated Matt Murdock for what he’d done and what he’d made for this part of the city.

He’d made Daredevil.

And he shared that with Dave.

Dave’s own dad’s approval hadn’t felt like the honor that had come with Matt Murdock’s covered eyes and curled lip slowly relaxing as he’d lifted his face up from Dave’s knees.

He hadn’t been inspecting.

He’d been listening. Dipping his fingers into the blood in Dave’s heart and deciding if he was worth his salt.

Matt Murdock, son of Battlin’ Jack Murdock, was a product of Fogwell’s Gym in the Kitchen.

Diamond De Luca, retired heavyweight, was a product of Fogwell’s Gym.

The stars had aligned. And Dave had stood in their path.

And he wasn’t wasting the chance that they offered him.

Charlie was stoked to be allowed to come to the gym with him. She usually went to Jesse’s house, where Rubes would look after both girls for a few hours.

But De Luca had said that it was okay for her to come along, and so he figured, why not?

Fogwell’s was an institution in the Kitchen. All kids deserved to know their own history.

“I’m gonna fight Fogwell himself,” Charlie announced halfway down the block.

“You will not,” Dave told her. “Because I’m not tryin’ to get thrown out before we even get started here, alright?”

Charlie whined.

He ignored it.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been to the gym. Matt Murdock slipped in and out of it when he was in the city and he’d taken the whole team there once or twice. But it was different to be there in the presence of the daytime crew.

Dave felt very small in their presence.

The whole place was full of people pounding bags and swearing and shouting at kids who were tumbling all over the rows of benches set off to the side of the bags.

It was not what Dave had been expecting.

He told the guy at the front that ‘Rudy’ had recommended that he stop by and got a nod and a wave.

“He’s probably upstairs,” the receptionist said. “Go pick a bag, I’ll give him a buzz.”

Charlie refused to join the kids on the benches because apparently that was ‘only for babies, Dad.’ She wanted to hold the bag.

She was not, in one thousand years, holding the bag.

Dave wrapped her hands and let her go at it first to ‘soften it up’ for him.

De Luca caught him adjusting the demon-child’s thumbs before they ended up at the hospital again and laughed.

“Davy-boy, you made it,” he said.

Dave snapped up straight to attention.

“I did,” he said.

De Luca laughed again.

“Relax, kid,” he said. “Damn, you’re tight wound. Don’t worry, we won’t tell no one you’re sleepin’ with the enemy.”

Ahahahaha.

Please don’t.

These people were jacked. Dave was but a kickboxing instructor.

“Here, bub, lemme see what your pops has got,” De Luca said, shooing Charlie out of the way.

And this was the moment of truth.

De Luca seemed surprised when Dave finally laid off the bag. And Dave couldn’t read his expression for a million bucks.

“Uh?” he tried. “Not good?”

De Luca blinked himself back to earth.

“Oh, no,” he said. “It’s just uh, you fight a little like someone I know.”

Please don’t say a mobster.

“Kid used to live around here; name’s Matt Murdock,” De Luca said. “You know him?”

Did—

Did he know him?

QUICK. Answer the question.

You’re takin’ too long.

He’s gonna—

“S’alright if you don’t,” De Luca said. “I was just sayin’. Kid was like one of my own.”

He—

What?

“Yeah, boy fought like the devil like his daddy before ‘im,” De Luca said. “He’s the only one Fogwell lets call him ‘Grandpa.’ He’s about your age, actually. God, I’m old.”

AHAHAHAHAHA.

Please change the subject.

“You’re not that old,” Dave said. “I think I might have heard the name.”

Charlie looked up at him, baffled at the hedging.

He pleaded with her with his eyes not to say a damn word.

“Yeah, he’s somethin’, left here for San Francisco. Didn’t even say good-bye, the little shit,” De Luca sniffed. “Came back last year all ‘I’m gettin’ married’ and I swear to god, he’s picked up some kid. Just between you and me, pal, the old guard here have been talkin’, and we think that someone missed out on the sex ed talk, if you know what I’m sayin’.”

Oh.

Poor Sam.

He wasn’t even there to scream from the mountaintops that Red was a last resort for him at best.

“I’m just sayin’,” De Luca said with a shrug that spoke far more of supreme irritation than nonchalance, “He coulda just told us. I’m just sayin’.”

Any more ‘just sayin’s’ and Diamond De Luca was gonna go find a wall to bury them in.

“Did you, uh, have any feedback?” Dave blurted out as the guy started mumbling.

“Hm?”

“Feedback,” Dave repeated, waving a gloved hand at the bag.

“Oh. Yeah, loads, kid. You got all the muscles and not a damn lick of memory, here, lemme show you.”

Crisis averted.

Thank god.

D2: hey uh, DD?

SM: DAVE

S2: DAVEEEE

S3: DAVE

SM: what’s up man?

D2: nothing I was just trying to get ahold of DD?

BT: He’s trying to get Kirsten to give up her dreams of an indoor office pond rn. Can I help?

SM: I want an indoor office pond

S3: omg same

D2: uh yeah actually could you just tell him I met a guy named De Luca the other day and he might want to give him a call?

BT: de Luca?

D2: yeah

BT: okay sure thing

D2: thanks

BT: I’ll go see if I can get a word in edgewise.

SM: good fucking luck

S2: I hate fish

S3: leave this place and never return

S2: I HATE FISH

DD: WHAT

SM: oh shit that was quick

D2: oh. I was just saying that I met Diamond De Luca the other day?

SM: ?? Who’s that?

DD: oh no

S2: ??????????????

DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): who the fuck is that?

DD: are you still with him?

D2: no?

D2: he caught me out fliering and invited me to Fogwell’s

D2: and when I got there he mentioned my stance was like yours and he uh

D2: got a little distracted

DD: what kind of distracted?

D2: He thinks Sam’s your bastard kid

BT: GODDAMNIT

DD: FOR FUCKS SAKE

BT: First Mrs. Jones, now this guy?? TEACH.

DD: These people have zero faith in me I swear to god.

DD: like come ON man. I did sex ed in the same class as Angie he knows I’m too catholic for that shit

DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I looked this man up and he looks like an Italian nate with less hair

SM: wh

DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): okay you’re right he looks nothing like nate

SM: that

SM: that’s not even slightly helpful, wade, thanks not at all. Hey who’s angie?

DD: long story. Rudy’s daughter

S2: RED YOU FUCKED A BOXERS DAUGHTER?? That’s a million dollar baby man

DD: I

DD: what?

DD: no? Why would I fuck angie she’s like my sister?

S2: oh nvm

SM: 😬😬😬

S3: I am confused ❤

D2: you should probably call him, friend

DD: on it. thanks for the notice

DD: hey what’s your fuckin name again?

S2: f

S3: f

SM: f

D2: It’s Ansel

DD: Adams?

D2: not the photographer. Ansel West.

SM: WEST

S2: OMG

S3: guys don’t

SM: I BET YOURE A SUNSET DAVE

S2: YOU EVER FEEL CALLED TO THE PRAIRIE DAVE???

SM: YOU’RE A&W, DAVE!!

S2: ROOT BEER ROOT BEER

D2: ah yes. Middle school. I remember this feeling.

Dave laid his phone on his chest and stared back up at the ceiling.

It was never dull, this new life he’d settled into.

He said a prayer for Murdock and rolled onto his side.

It was still his goddamn couch.

#fic #inimitable verse #ficlet #team red

176 notes · View notes

honeyjxsung · 5 years ago

Text

Stray Kids as your boyfriend

m.list

Request: can u write a reaction for skz as your boyfriend?? please include woojin ONLY IF YOU DONT MIND, its comforting having him there still. ty!

a/n: this is my first reaction lol so pls be kind to me >.< i feel like this was too long so i apologize, but nonetheless Enjoy <33

Woojin:

Literally a teddy bear

He's so cuddly its crazy

Like he may not seem like it but he really loves cuddling with you

But only when yall are alone

I think he’s moderately clingy(?)

Like he’s down to hold your hand in front of his members but he gets embarrassed when you kiss him in public

A lot of forehead and temple kisses

Radiates husband energy

Like he's big husband material right there

Many picnic dates or just walking outside by the river

He will use his angelic voice to his advantage

He will serenade you with his guitar or piano

And every single time you melt

Literally gives bear hugs

And not the suffocating type

When he engulfs you into his arms you feel warm inside

And both of you love it

fighting

He’s the oldest so he’ll be a bit calm and collected when it comes to fighting

He would want to settle things down completely

Like there’s no way either one of you is going to bed mad at each other

It just wouldn’t feel right

If it was his fault he’ll quickly apologize and be the bigger person and will make it up to you with a cute gift

If it was your fault he’ll instantly (and reasonably) forgive you and shower you with kisses

He just doesn’t want to fight with you

Also

He’s just the right amount of jealous you feel?

He’ll leave you alone and let you have your freedom

But if anyone gets too close to your liking, you best know he’ll be right by your side

And that’s why you’re so grateful for him

Because he’s always there

Chan:

A really caring boyfriend

Always puts you first

Like always

But then again he’s a busy guy, given that he’s a leader of an idol group and all

And you get that

So you’ll normally spend some time with him in the studio

And you don’t mind because you love seeing him be so passionate about something he loves

But he would feel bad for making you stay with him so every once in a while he may take you somewhere fancy

He’s someone to give lots of back hugs

Most of the time he’ll back hug you unexpectedly because he thinks you being surprised is absolutely adorable

And the nicknames oh my god

yALLREADY KNOW about ‘baby girl’

He’s gonna call you that a lot

Fighting

Fights will mostly be about him and his well being

The fact that he isn’t taking care of himself even if he’s saying he is just makes you a tad bit frustrated

And when you try to talk some sense into him, he also grows irritated because he’s so exhausted with everything

Which is why he may be a BIT stubborn when it comes to arguments

But he’ll later realize how childish he's being

He might unintentionally raise his voice, but will immediately soften up when he sees you tense

Whether or not it’s his fault, he’ll apologize nonetheless

He's a mature guy so he’s good at handling situations like this

But fighting isn’t common so luckily he doesn't have to deal with it often

He will end the fight by pulling you close and kissing you forehead

“Im sorry babygirl”

Ever so often he’ll let you listen to his unfinished works to get your opinion

He just wants you by his side because it gives him a sense of comfort

Minho:

He has a lot of difficulties showing his emotions, but he’s really so loving towards the people he loves

especially you

You both tend to tease each other a lot, but that’s just how you guys are

Pda and all that lovey dovey stuff may seem a bit awkward, but when he’s in need of attention, he’ll just cling on to you and not say anything

And you would have to shower him with affection to get him satisfied

And don’t worry, he’ll gladly return the favor in a blink of an eye

He tends to show his feelings physically

Like have you seen him with his members?

He will be all up in your face

Will love laying on your lap

Or he’ll just try to purposely annoy you because that's how his brain supposedly works

Fighting

You guys would bicker a lot, and you wouldn’t really have actual fights, but there would be times when it would get serious

The cause would either be because of jealousy or he has been neglecting you

By neglecting you, i mean him not really showing any emotion toward you

It may take a while, but he will apologize

When he’s forgiven hell jump into bed with you and just hold you tight

If it’s you who’s apologizing, he wouldn’t really ‘say’ that he’s forgiven you

He would silently pull you close and kiss you

But that action alone will say a lot

Once again he's a jealous boy, so don’t be surprised if he holds onto your waist a bit tighter than before and clenches his jaw when you walk by some guys

Or a guy

Really he wouldn’t explicitly say that he’s jealous

He’ll just drop subtle hints

“That guy had big muscles don’t you think?”

But in the end you always tell him you love him and it makes him feel a whole lot better

But other than that he can be straightforward with other things

That’s why his members call him a statue

Because he tends to be soulless and poker-faced most of the time

Even when he’s trying not to be

But deep down you know how much of a softie your boyfriend can get

Changbin:

He’s honestly such a cute bean

Will try to act all tough and ‘tsundere’ like but you both know he can’t keep that up

He’s actually really cheesy and clingy

And sometimes he can be a handful, but it's alright

He always gets picked on by his members about his height

So if you are shorter than him he is not going to let that opportunity of teasing you pass

He will snicker as he compares your heights

But of course you can’t let his cockiness get the best of him

So the other 8 members have your back and torment the poor boy

‘Wait that’s not even fair i'm being outnumbered!’

‘y/n, you were supposed to be on my side!’

He wants to impress you so he’ll invite you over and flex his rap skills

And 100% of the time he succeeds

Because you can never get over his flow

Fighting

This guy is also really insecure so he’ll be pretty jealous and that’s mostly the cause of your fights

He’s afraid that he isn’t good enough and that he doesn’t deserve you

And that is absolutely not true

He’ll mostly cry only because he hates fighting with you

But of course he’s not gonna show it

He is someone who needs to recollect himself and will probably need some time by himself

And that’s when he’ll let it all out

He’ll feel embarrassed if he cries in front of you

So he tries his best to not cry when you’re near

When he’s calm he’ll apologize

And you give in quickly

Thank goodness

He just wants a bit of attention

Ok maybe a lot of attention

Because as much as he says he loves dark

Hes babie

Hyunjin:

Your typical ulzzang boyfriend

He’ll take you to cute cliche dates

Cute walks at the park with ice cream

Also we all know how much he loves photography

He will take so many selfies with you and him

His phone is just filled with him and you doing stuff together

And occasionally some kkami pics

But mostly you two

He’ll bring you to the practice room and show you his dance moves

And possibly he’ll teach you some too

When he’s all sweaty he’ll tease you and try to hug you but you’ll run away from him

And most of the time it’ll end in play fighting

He’s gonna hug you either way and you start hitting him

But then again he can’t help it

Because he’s also really clingy and in need of your touch 25/8

Fighting

Alright so ALL know hyunjin can be a petty bITCH

no cap

He fights with his members so there will be times where he may fight with you

But obviously it’s not as violent you know

Nothing physical

What yall are fighting about is probably stupid or small

He just tends to over exaggerate things which makes it become serious

And when he’s mad he can get pretty sarcastic and it gets kinda scary

Will most likely roll his eyes and give you the cold shoulder

You normally have to apologize first or make a move in order for him to apologize back

Almost all the time he’ll feel bad ignoring you so he’ll end up crying when you go up to him

He’ll spend his entire week not leaving your side

As a way to make it up to you

Did I mention he was clingy af?

Likes to wrap one arm around your shoulders

Doesn’t really say it out loud but he loves the height difference

He’ll subtly make things harder for you just to see you slightly frustrated

He finds it cute

Like he’d put things on the top shelf so you can call him to get it

“Babe can you please help me?”

“I don’t know, can I?”

“Hyunjin!”

Jisung:

A cheeky mf

Loves to go out on dates, but if it’s anything scary, he’s gone

Expect many karaoke dates

He’ll try serenading you singing all up in your face

But you’ll just roll your eyes and laugh at how cringy he’s being

Cuddles for days

He loves to show affection and get attention so he’ll always be with you so you can drop small compliments to make him happy

And it does

He’s really good with his words so the sweet nothings he’ll tell you often make you blush

And it’s surprising how quickly he makes them up on the spot

His freestyle skills are being put into good use am i right?

Once again he craves for attention so give him lots of praise

Oh and he keeps saying he’ll protect you or whatever but if you take him to a haunted house or anything related to that, he’ll hide behind you the entire time

He’s just a wimp

Likes to give you pet names

“Baby” is a regular though

Just somewhere along those lines

He tends to lay on your lap so you can play with his hair

If he falls asleep you normally take your chance and braid his hair so he wakes up looking like a 5 year old girl

Fighting

Petty bitch #2

Just like hyunjin, jisung doesn’t really let his guard down

Because he’s good with words it’s difficult to win an argument with him

Even if he knows he’s wrong he’ll try his best to make him sound right

His pride tends to take over him and he’s aware that it’s a bad habit

He tries to fix himself because he doesn’t want to hurt or scare you

But when he’s really angry he will go oFF

He’s one of those types to realize what he’s done right after he’s done it

He’s quick to regret

So unlike changbin, if he ever scares you, he’ll immediately run up to you

He’d carefully hold you and repeatedly apologize

He’s a big cryer as well

Even if it’s in front of you his eyes will be bawling

And of course you forgive him

Yall will just end up on the couch or in bed holding each other but not utter a word

Felix:

Ok this boy is the sweetest

He’s extremely caring and gentle to all

He tends to show his love physically

Whether it’d be hand-holding, kissing, hugging, touching you in general, you name it

It explains why he's so mf clingy

And you mf love it

Every once in a while he’ll give you gifts for no reason

Such as a promise ring

He has one to match as well

He wears it everyday and gets all giddy when he sees you wear it too

Staying up to watch him play games is a regular

He always keeps the spare controller open because he wants you to join

And you do

Except most of the time you don't know how to play

At first he’d laugh at how terrible you are and would kill you every game to see you pout

But when he sees that you actually wanna play for him he gets soft and eventually teaches you the controls

Will die on purpose to see your face light up

Fighting

Okay lowkey this guy can be scary

He tries not to raise his voice, but his deep tone still sends shivers down your spine

Fighting may result in him cursing loudly in english (assuming yall are speaking korean)

But not at you

Never would he curse at you

Just out of frustration

When he sees you tear up he calms down a little and sighs

Without speaking he’ll open his arms out to you and will embrace you tightly

He’d say sorry and will try not to cry in front of you to stay strong

But if he does he won’t show it

So he’ll bury his face in the crook of your neck so you won't see his tears

He just really hates fighting with you so it makes him sad

but don’t worry, fighting is a rare occurance

he’s really energetic most of the time, so be prepared

will love running around and yelling

he’s like a hyper 12 year old

and its cute

Seungmin:

Oh this guy

He’s a bubbly boyfriend

You’d describe him as a hyper puppy and the name fits him well

His face lights up when he’s with you and it’s so cute

The members are lowkey freaking out because the boy acts so mean to them

They literally think he’s a different person when you’re around

It’s because he acts as if you’re made of glass

Like anyone can tell that you’re so precious to him

And hOODIES FOR DAYS

Seungmin’s wardrobe is literally full of hoodies so you have a great amount of them

Like when he’s sorting his clothes, he’d have a separate pile for you

It would be all the clothes he’s willing to lend to you

Similar to hyunjin, his camera roll would be full of you

But the thing that makes him and hyunjin different is that it won’t be selfies

It's just pictures of you and the scenery

But he knows you’re the real view (gag)

The candid photos are his favorite because it really captures your natural beauty

He can stare at your pics for hours as creepy as it sounds

You get embarrassed but he hypes you up and calls you beautiful

And unlike han, the boy doesn’t really get scared easily so he can ACTUALLY protect you if yall are doing something slightly terrifying

But that’s after he laughs at your scared reaction

Which brings me to my next point

Occasionally he likes to tease you

A little pranks here and there

And he’s so glad that you can take a joke

Because you’ll always get your revenge

Which is why there’s never a day when your relationship gets boring

Fighting

Honestly I can't picture having a major fight with seungmin

But it would probably because he did or said something that really crossed the line

He’d get very defensive with hints of sarcasm

He wouldn’t necessarily yell or scream

He’d slightly raise his voice, though, to get his point through

When he gets to his boiling point, however, he would leave the room to blow off some steam

He’d use the time to really reflect what he’s done

When he comes back he’ll immediately go to you and hug you

He hates when you fight

He would very much prefer the small bickering any day

Jeongin:

Oh this precious gem

You and i.n would be in the honeymoon stage but not really

Like you guys are very comfortable with each other, but you are still lovey dovey, you feel?

But of course he won’t do the cute stuff in front of the members

holding your hand is an exception, but that’s it

He’ll get too flustered in front of them and he doesn’t want to be teased

He’s super cuddly and cuddles will often result in play fighting

He’s also super super giggly

You live for his laughs

It just brings an immediate smile to your face

Like who doesn’t adore him?

Dates are either really exciting or really chill and relaxing

Like amusement parks and karaoke rooms on one hand and staying inside to sleep or play video games on the other

But if yall are inside it’ll either be at your place or at his when the members are gone

He’s just way too shy

Hoodies for days part tWO

He’ll be the type to give you his baggy clothes

The way you look small in them makes him feel a bit more manly as if you’re his responsibility

He’s so used to being baby-ed that he wants to be the man for once

You have an unlimited supply of his hoodies

Its great

Plus jeongin loves when you give it back and your scent just marks the entirety of the fabric

It smells like home and he finds comfort in it

Just like how you find comfort when you can smell his cologne

Seriously it sounds weird, but trust me it’s cute

Obviously, he won’t tell you that he loves your perfume because he thinks he’ll make it awkward

But it's just something he looks forward to when you’re exchanging his hoodies

Fighting

Even though he is the youngest, jeongin tries to be mature

He’s very understanding so fights will be rare

But then again he’s also extremely reserved

He’ll keep his negative feelings bottled up until he can’t take it anymore

He won’t really yell, he’ll just keep talking and talking

And he won’t let you interrupt because this boy has a lot to say

Arguments usually happen because he takes his anger out on you unintentionally

So he’ll apologize when he sees your widened eyes

He’ll soften up and will say sorry quietly before kissing your forehead

He might cry as well because he will feel so bad

But you hush him as you hug his body tightly, telling him that it’s okay

Everything is okay.

#kpop #stray kids #kpop scenarios #stray kids scenarios #kpop imagines #stray kids imagines #skz #skz imagines #kpop reactions #stray kids reactions #kpop fluff #kpop angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #k

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pbandjesse · 6 years ago

Text

Today was stupid. It wasn't all bad but like it was. Stupid. I got to rest and hang out and that was nice.

I slept okay last night. I woke up a few times because I was cold but my extra blanket helped a lot. My toes hurt fron the stitching in my socks which was annoying. But it wasnt the worst sleep. I had a cough but I felt okay. Mom had texted me that she found a furby at a thrift store and bought it for me and it made me feel all warm inside. I got a good good mom.

I had a soda and we got everything ready. We had a really fun gun drill. And the firing was really loud and good. But I had a lot of stress because my poor boyfriend was over at thr submarine with a bunch of Nazis. I have basically decided I am making a complaint to our parent company. This whole thing should not have been allowed to go on. I'll keep yall updated. But the anger and sadness from my boyfriend and my coworkers was heartbreaking. This was an embaresment to the organization and they owe us an apology for it.

When we got over to Taney it was all we could talk about. James was so upset and couldn't come to brunch with us, or go to the museum with me, he just needed to be alone. I get it, but i hated seeing him like that.

So he went home. And me and Jordan and Brandon and Coner went to IHOP and spent the next hour talking about nazis and the ethics of reenacting. It was eyeopening and made me really decide that standing up against this is in order. Stand up now or regret it for the rest of your life, ya know?

We also talked about Irish immigrants, bevause Coner is from Ireland, and that was fascinating too. It was nice to be able to flex some of my knowledge that I don't get to do often.

After brunch i went and caught the bus home. I got a shower and cut my leg and it wouldnt stop bleeding and was very annoyed by it. I called my dad and told him what happened, what I decided to do. It was good to be able to talk to him.

After I got off the phone with him i watched videos and dozed. Fell asleep later in the afternoon. Woke up before 5. Had the rest of my mini potatoes and a sandwich. I didnt feel good when i got up but after sone asprin and food i felt better.

Im hanging out with sweetp and using my new little space heater. James is going to come by for a cuddle. And im going to pick some outfits for the week. And get some sleep.

I am teaching tomorrow. Looking forward to my kids. Im really hoping to use my morning wisely. But its hard when im feeling so exhausted all the time. But im gonna try.

I hope you all sleep well. Have a good night. Tomorrow will be better!

#ootd #work #lion #sunday #tw nazis

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zoemurph · 7 years ago

Text

to have a friend, chapter eight: $192

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

holy shit do NOT expect updates from me this fast after november ends!!!!! i'm frantically doing nano as fast as possible and i am MAJORLY fucking myself over. after this is posted i'm writing 4 essays and catching up on readings (whoops)

this chapter has sooo much going on but a huge thank you to both sarah and flor for making it possible with your very different but very good ideas <3

warnings: depression, anxiety, references to suicide/past suicide attempts/self harm, some poor eating habits, a few mentions of drugs

enjoy and please read the end note on ao3~

High school is bulshit. Connor has known this since he first stepped into the annoyingly bright hallways freshman year because some asshole decided skylights were a good idea. It’s six hours of bullshit, with a bullshit twenty three minute lunch thrown somewhere in the middle.

It’s a lot of bullshit.

Somehow, having a friend makes it…less bullshit. A fake friend. Evan makes everything suck a little less. There’s something to look forward to when he shows up at ass o’clock in the morning. There’s a reason to push through the day, even if it’s just seeing Evan’s smile as he puts books back into his locker. Tuesdays are arguably the best because Connor gets a solid twenty extra minutes with Evan at lunch.

Which in and of itself is its own can of bullshit. A can that Connor should not have opened, but here they fucking are.

There are a few times where Connor genuinely considers telling Evan about his feelings. Platonic and romantic. And then he laughs at himself because no fucking way. On what planet would Evan Hansen like him in any capacity?

Connor is lucky that he’s been able to hold on to Evan as a fake friend. He’s not going to push his luck.

Every time he smiles at Evan he pushes his luck a little more. Every time he asks Evan to hang out without having a legit reason for it he pushes his luck. Every time he thinks about Evan—

Connor focuses on friendship. He focuses on friendship because he will settle for friendship. He would give anything to be Evan’s real friend.

It’s ridiculous but it’s true.

Connor is in way too fucking deep.

“Where have you been?” Larry asks from the couch when Connor opens the front door.

Connor rolls his eyes. “I was with Evan.” And Jared. It was weird but not the worst. Jared kept claiming he could beat Evan at Mario Kart and kept losing and had to buy the pizza. Even if all Connor got out of those three hours was the priceless look on Jared’s face when Connor rolled his pizza up like a burrito with the toppings on the outside, it was worth it.

“Hm.”

Connor shuts the door and pulls off his boots. He drops them by Zoe’s converse. “I told Zoe where I was.”

“So you’re talking to your sister again?”

Connor pauses. He was going to go grab a drink, but apparently not. “Why do you care?”

Larry lowers his phone. “Because she’s your sister.”

“…and?”

“How long have you known Evan?” Larry asks.

Connor frowns. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Answer the question, Connor.”

Connor grimaces at the sharp tone. “I don’t fucking know—”

“Language.”

“—like seven months? Why does it matter?”

Larry slides his phone into his pocket. “And how long have you known Zoe?”

Connor scoffs. “Seriously? Are you about to yell at me for spending time with my friend?”

Larry crosses his arms. “He’s always around.”

“Yeah, because he’s my friend and I like him? Zoe’s with her friends all the time, and you don’t say shit about that.” Connor walks into the dining room. If Larry wants to have this conversation, he either has to follow Connor or yell.

“Connor,” Larry says warningly.

“Maybe Zoe doesn’t want to spend time with me,” Connor snaps. Because Zoe doesn’t. And that’s fine. Connor has made her life hell so he doesn’t blame her for not wanting to have anything to do with him.

Larry stalks into the dining room and sometimes Connor forgets that Larry is where he gets his height. “That’s not the point.”

Connor throws his arm out. “Then what is the point!?”

“You have a better relationship with Evan than with your sister.”

Connor stares at him. “Why does this matter.” For some reason this hurts. It stings like he’s just submerged papercut covered hands in lemon juice. It hurts too much for fire to keep burning.

“You’ve known him for less than a year,” Larry says, voice low and dangerous.

“You think you’d be happy that I’ve found an actual friend,” Connor says numbly. The lie burns his mouth.

“You spend far more time with him than Zoe—”

“He actually wants to be around me!” Connor protests. Because he will listen to his father tear him down, but he won’t listen to him say anything about Evan. Not Evan. “Zoe—”

“Is your sister!” Larry yells. Connor feels his blood run cold. “When was the last time you were actually a brother to her!?”

Connor feels sick. The world cracks and crumbles around the edges and his insides freeze and shatter. He laughs. It hurts his chest. “When was the last time you were a father to me?” he whispers.

Larry’s expression doesn’t change. It stays hard. Cold and distant.

When was the last time—

Connor holds eye contact as long as he can. But he’s broken and the world around him is numbing and dying.

So he leaves.

He pushes past Larry, dropping his eyes to the floor with his tongue heavy in his mouth. He shoves his boots on and throws the door open.

“Where are you going?” Larry yells. Because he can keep doing this. He can do this for hours.

Connor looks out at their driveway. The dying grass and dead plants in neat rows. Brown and wilted and dying and dead. “Why do you care?” he asks.

He slams the door behind him.

It feels good to have a door to slam.

—«·»—

His feet bring him to the playground. There aren’t many places to go in this town.

It’s getting dark. There’s a singular light by the school that still turns on with the other streetlights. It illuminates parts of the playground in a hazy glow.

It doesn’t look real.

Connor sits under the stairs that lead up to the slide. If he closes his eyes, he can bring himself back to elementary school. He digs his hand into the wood chips, cold and jagged and stabbing at his skin. He can pretend. He can hear screaming and laughter and kids running up the stairs trying not to slip. Kids hiding under here, whispering secrets to each other. Someone throws the woodchips at someone else and gets yelled at. They play clapping games and tic-tac-toe in the dirt. They pull up grass and throw it in the air and fall off the monkeybars and fight over the swings and stand under the trees and play in the mud—

Connor takes a shaky breath as hot tears run down his cheek. He scrubs them away with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

He hates crying. He hates how it makes him feel. He hates how tears feel, he hates the runny nose, he hates the sobbing and the ragged breathing and how it makes him feel weak.

He sniffs and wipes away more tears. God, he needs to get high. But he refuses to go home and his stash is running out because he’s low on cash because he’s been spending it all on Evan.

Evan.

Connor flexes his hands — they’re cramped from the cold and from the fists he’s been squeezing them in — and pulls his phone out of his pocket. At least it hasn’t shut off from the cold yet, that’s happened to him before and it’s annoying to deal with.

From: Connor To: Evan tell zoe im fine just needed to blow off steam emphasize im not with you

He’s surprised he can type actual words let alone with no spelling mistakes. His hands are cold and shaking. He presses his phone against his forehead and takes a slow breath.

Fuck.

Every atom in his body wants to walk to Evan’s right now. He just wants to be near Evan. There’s something about Evan that’s undeniably calming, even though Evan could be described as nervous energy barely held together in a human form. Something about Evan that makes him feel less at war with himself.

But he already used up his time with Evan for the day. Even just texting Evan feels like too much.

His phone buzzes against his forehead.

From: Evan To: Connor Ok j ust did!! Is everyhting ok??? Do you need ot talk ??

Connor stares at the message. He kind of want to cry again, which fucking sucks. And he told Evan that he would tell him if something was wrong but— no.

From: Connor To: Evan no not now maybe later

Connor stares at their conversations.

He asked Evan about cats at four in the morning once. Evan hadn’t responded until he woke up two hours later — good — but when he did he had a bunch of random cat facts. And pictures of Jared’s cat to share.

It felt like friendship. That’s what friendship feels like, right? Connor doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. But he thinks, somehow, he’s broken things. Whatever they are. Because he’s too attached. He’s too involved. Everything is too much.

He digs his fingers into the woodchips again.

Connor can’t decide if it’s better if Evan likes him or hates him.

—«·»—

Zoe texts him. He knows because his phone buzzes and he looks down and he sees her name right above Evan’s. Connor’s phone is at 4%. He turns on airplane mode and locks it without reading any of their texts.

Connor rests his chin on his knees and stares ahead into the darkness.

He doesn’t want to walk home. He knows he has to or he’ll probably freeze to death but that wouldn’t be too bad, would it?

No, that’s a bad idea.

Connor stretches his legs out in front of him. They feel weird, he’s spent so long with them pulled up against his chest. If he stands he might fall over.

He can’t feel his hands when he gets up off the ground. He climbs out from under the slide and holds onto the railing as his legs remember how they’re supposed to work.

He’s tired.

Connor squints into the darkness as he leaves the playground. The streets are so poorly lit in this area that he’s probably going to fall and break something. That’s what happens when people don’t use an area. They don’t care for it. And then some asshole teenager breaks his fucking leg walking home in the dark.

His phone would probably die before he could call for help too.

Connor stuffs his hands in his pockets and starts walking. He knows he should probably pay more attention, but he barely pays attention to the few cars on the roads as he makes his way down the sidewalk. As he gets into a more residential area, it gets a little brighter.

He looks up to cross a street and locks eyes with a doe standing in someone’s yard. It stares at him for a long moment before bounding away into the darkness.

Connor looks both ways and crosses the street, stepping around a puddle that’s starting to freeze over.

He stops when he gets to the bottom of his driveway.

If Larry tries to talk to him when he goes inside, he’ll leave. Connor’s already decided. He doesn’t know where he’ll go, but he’ll leave.

Connor huffs. He really just wants his bed right now.

The door is unlocked when he tries the doorknob. He frowns and slowly pushes the door open. A lamp is on in the living room, though the rest of the rooms are dark.

He quietly takes his boots off and closes and locks the door as softly as possible.

“Connor?” Cynthia asks as soon as he takes another step into the house.

Connor sighs. “Yeah it’s me.”

She gets up from the couch and hurries over to where he’s standing by the front door. “I was so worried,” she whispers, reaching up to touch his cheek. “Oh, Con, you’re freezing.”

“It is November,” Connor tries to joke. The singular stings.

The crease in Cynthia’s forehead gets deeper.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“Zoe said Evan texted her— were you with him?”

Connor pulls away. “No,” he says sharply. “I wasn’t. I don’t spend every fucking moment with him, god.” He walks toward the kitchen. His hands are still ice and he needs something to warm them.

“I never said you did.” Cynthia follows him. “Your father—”

“Don’t.”

Cynthia sighs. “Connor, we can’t pretend that didn’t happen.”

“I’m going to try.” He debates making coffee, but all that will get from his mom is a disapproving look. He reaches for Zoe’s mint hot chocolate instead.

Cynthia makes a frustrated noise. “Where did you go, Connor?”

“Out.” He grabs the first mug he sees. He resists the urge to drop it when he realizes it’s one of Larry’s, old and orange and so well used that the logo has washed off the side of it.

“Were you out smoking again?”

“No.” He almost wants to laugh. He wishes. He takes the milk out of the fridge and pours it into the mug. He’s too tired to do anything more than microwave milk right now.

“Are you sure?”

Connor sighs and turns to Cynthia with the mug in his left hand. “Mom, you would know if I had been high tonight. Weed smells? Remember?” He brushes past her and puts the mug in the microwave.

Cynthia watches him with sad eyes. She always looks sad and it’s Connor’s fault which is… It’s kind of shitty. “I was terrified,” she says softly.

Connor grimaces.

“I kept thinking… I was so worried that maybe you…”

If she starts crying— Connor doesn’t actually know what he’ll do. “I was fine,” he promises. “I wasn’t going to do anything.”

“Would you tell me if you were going to?”

Connor can’t meet her eyes. He watches the numbers count down on the microwave. He pulls the door open before it can beep. Cynthia sighs as he puts too much hot chocolate powder in the milk. Connor stirs carefully, trying not to spill all over the counter.

“You can always talk to me, sweetheart,” Cynthia says, squeezing his shoulder. Connor shrugs and she presses a kiss to his cheek. “We can talk in the morning. Sleep well.”

Connor stares down into his hot chocolate as she leaves the kitchen.

He has the strong urge to just sit on the floor and waste away.

He takes his hot chocolate up to his room and sits in bed and watches the Great British Baking Show on his laptop. It feels weirdly fake.

At some point he falls asleep. It all feels the same.

“Connor. Connor. Connor!”

Connor groans and rolls over so he’s not facing his doorway.

“Connor, if you don’t get up now, you’re walking to school.”

He squeezes his eyes shut tighter. “‘m not going,” he mumbles.

Zoe grabs his shoulder and shakes him. “Get up!”

Connor shoves her hand away. “Go away!”

“I’m not dealing with your shit—”

“I’m not going!” Connor twists to glare at her. “Fuck off, I’m not going.”

Zoe stares at him. She’s all ready. Her hair is braided over one shoulder, her makeup is done. Connor can’t even remember when she started wearing makeup. He doesn’t know when Zoe grew up.

“Did you hear me?” he snaps. “I’m not going to school.”

She takes a step away. “Okay. Okay. Fine. You’re not going.” She keeps looking at him. Why is she looking at him like that? “Go back to sleep.” She slips out of the room and Connor keep looking at the space she occupied.

He hears the front door open and close. He pulls the covers over his head and goes back to sleep.

—«·»—

Connor wakes up a little bit before noon.

His head hurts and his mouth tastes like death. He stumbles out of bed just to brush his teeth. He probably wouldn’t move other than the fact that his mouth is gross.

While he’s looking at himself in the bathroom mirror as he mindlessly brushes his teeth, he realizes he never changed out of yesterday’s closes. He’s still wearing ripped jeans and an old sweatshirt.

His phone is still sitting on his desk with 2% left. Connor plugs it in and turns off airplane mode and puts on sweatpants that are a little too big and a hoodie that has old paint stains on it. Then he gets back in bed.

He watches videos on his laptop, not really paying attention to what’s on the screen. He looks away in surprise when his phone vibrates. He picks it up and skims through the messages. He never read the ones from last night.

From: Evan To: Connor Ok IM gonna hol d you to that ok??

From: Z To: C Why the fuck did Evan just text me???? Where are you? What happened all I heard was Dad yelling and then you were gone Connor Don’t fucking ignore me

Missed call and voicemail from Z

Missed call from Z

From: Z To: C Pick up asshole

Missed call from Z

From: Evan To: Connor Umm Zoes freaking ou ton me? Connr what happened wheer are y ou ?

Missed call from Z

From: Z To: C Fuck you Ok? Seriously fuck you You’re killing mom I hope you’re fucking happy If we find you dead in a ditch somewhere I swear

From: Evan To: Connor Pl ease answ er some on e

From: Z To: C I heard you and mom in the kitchen. Fuck you. You can’t do this You’re terrifying Connor You scare the shit out of me I know you won’t respond tonight. I’ll tell Evan you’re ok This shit isn’t funny

From: Evan To: Connor Zo ejust text dme Im glad youre ok but I wsih you answered your phone I know thing s get hard but please let people know yoru esafe because otherwise peoplestart to think the wrs t and then they bother you and dont let you leave their sight We just want the bes t for you we want you to be ok Ill see you tomorrwo

From: Z To: C Just told Evan you won’t be here today. I’m guessing you still haven’t responded to him. Maybe try to be a good friend. Or even just a friend.

From: Evan To: Connor Zoe said you werent coming in today?? A reyou ok? Thats hte worst question to ask IM so sorry Please talk ot me Connor Its importan t Im coming over after school I knw thats invading on your personal space but I need to know if youre ok andif youre not going to answer texts I don tknow how else to reach you I have to help alana with stuco stuff because no on eelse wants to hang posters but Ill be there afterward even if its only for like two minutes can we please talk??

“I’m home!” Zoe shouts.

Connor glances up to the top of his phone to see the time. Shit. It’s already two. He doesn’t know how he lost so much time to YouTube. Which means Evan will be here…soon.

From: Connor To: Evan ok

“Connor?” Zoe calls out.

Connor stares at her texts and feels his stomach turn. “What?” he yells back.

“Come get your boots! Mom wants us to move ours shoes!”

He scowls and lays back down. “Fuck off!”

She yells at him to get them again, but he just puts headphones in and ignores her. He lays in bed and stares at the wall and listens to music that is way too loud. It would be nice to feel something right now. He distantly hears Zoe yell again and tries to turn the music up louder. The volume doesn’t increase and he makes a face and does a silent eulogy for his eardrums.

Zoe shouts his name again and Connor sighs and yanks out his earbuds. He tried. “What?!”

He can’t make out whatever she says next, but then she shouts, “You’re a dick!”

“Not fucking news,” he snaps. He’s about to put his headphones back in when Evan appears in his doorway. He’s still wearing his backpack and his arms are filled with food and there’s something tucked under his arm.

Connor stares at him. “What the fuck.”

Evan laughs awkwardly. “No dishes in the sink. We realized you probably didn’t eat today.” He looks down at the food he’s holding. There are chips and a container of strawberries and a loaf of bread and he’s carefully balancing a bowl on top of the strawberries.

“Why didn’t you—”

“Zoe had to run,” Evan says. “Something about an emergency piano job?”

Connor squints. “I forgot she plays piano.”

Evan nods. “Someone’s accompaniment is sick so I think she has to fill in. Can you, uh…”

“Oh, right.” Connor gets out of bed and takes the bowl from Evan. It’s filled with leftover mac n cheese. He puts it on the desk and then takes the chips.

“A-anyway, Zoe had to run and two trips are for suckers.” Evan puts the strawberries and bread down on the desk.

Connor rolls his eyes. “Okay.”

“These are also for you.” Evan pulls a stack of mail out from under his arm. “Looks like mostly college stuff.”

“Fucking college board,” Connor mutters. “Never should’ve taken the SATs.”

“Yeah, same. They won’t leave me alone. Oh! And Alana gave me notes for you for english. She started saying something about like…chiasmic?”

“Chiasmus,” Connor mutters, looking through the mail. Nothing he cares about. Great. He can set it on fire.

“Yeah that’s it!” Evan takes off his backpack and puts it on the floor to take out a notebook.

Connor stares at him. “Evan?”

Evan looks up at him. “Yeah?”

“Are… Why are you wearing my boots?”

“Oh.” Evan stands up straighter and lifts one of his feet. “Zoe kept yelling at you to bring your boots upstairs. Figured if I was bringing you all this I just…take them too?”

Connor stares at him. Evan looks kind of ridiculous. Connor’s all too familiar black combat boots are paired with Evan’s usual khakis and a gray sweatshirt with a striped polo peaking out from under it. The boots go up a little too high on Evan’s shins which adds to the look and Connor is now noticing that they give Evan a few inches that he definitely does not actually have.

“Is this what it’s like to be tall?” Evan asks with a smile.

Connor snorts. “No, Hansen. It’s not.”

Evan shrugs. “I’ll take it.”

“Aren’t those kind of big for you?” Connor’s mind is still trying to process this. Evan is wearing his shoes. That’s definitely not something he’s thought about before. Or ever considered. He thinks his brain might be resetting.

“Oh god yes.” Evan sits down on Connor’s bed and unlaces one of the boots. “It’s actually a miracle I didn’t like…fall down your stairs or something. That would’ve been embarrassing.”

“And painful.”

“That too.” Evan pulls off the boot. He’s still wearing his old sneakers.

Connor opens and closes his mouth a few times. “Hey, Ev?”

Evan starts untying the other boot. “Yup?”

“You’re wearing…your shoes in my boots?”

Evan looks Connor in the eye. “I already told you, two trips are for suckers.”

Connor laughs. It’s weird to laugh right now, like it’s the wrong emotion to feel. But he laughs and smiles at Evan because there is something about Evan wearing sneakers in his boots that’s ridiculous but also makes Connor’s stomach fill with butterflies. “Okay, Ev. Whatever you say.” He falls onto his front on the bed next to Evan. The moment feels too light. And then all of Evan’s texts come back at him in a crushing wave.

Connor grimaces. “Um…sorry for last night.”

Evan glances back at him over his shoulder. “I…” He rubs a hand over his face. “You scared us.” He says it softly, like a secret, and stares at his feet.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Connor admits. “I just… Fuck, I just needed to get out. And then my phone was almost dead and I didn’t want to talk to people… I fucked up.”

Evan nods. He wordlessly pulls his sneakers off and then crosses his knees on the bed.

“I had a fight with Larry it was…” Connor rolls onto his back and sits up. “I needed to be alone, I guess. I wasn’t really thinking about other people when I left. I didn’t even bring my house key.”

Evan scoots further onto the bed. “What did you fight about?”

Connor searches Evan’s face. His eyes trail over Evan’s freckles. They dot his face like stars. “Nothing serious,” he mumbles. “It just got out of hand.”

Evan leans back on his hands. “Is that why you didn’t come to school today?”

Connor runs a hand through his hair. “I guess. I just… Zoe woke me up and getting out of bed just seemed like the worst fucking option ever. I think I yelled at her, but I barely remember waking up.” He grabs the bowl of mac n cheese off the desk. Food. Right.

Evan nods. “I… There are days like that. Where getting up makes me want to cry.” He holds out a hand. “Can I have the chips?”

“That sucks.” Connor hands over the bag of chips and continues eating mac n cheese. The sooner he finishes this the sooner he can go back to not being a person.

“Yeah, kind of.”

Connor sighs. “Aren’t we a fucking pair.” He pushes pasta around the bowl.

Evan tilts his head. “Yeah,” he mumbles.

Connor frowns. “What is it?”

Evan shakes his head. “Nothing. I thought of something, but it’s not important.”

“Are you sure?”

Evan nods and reaches for Connor’s laptop. “Let’s just watch something and pretend our lives aren’t horrible.”

Connor watches Evan carefully as Evan opens YouTube and scrolls through the recommended videos until he finds one that isn’t too weird sounding. “Yeah that sounds like a good plan.” He puts his bowl back on the desk— he only had a few bites but his stomach is kind of done with food.

Connor takes the laptop from Evan and scoots over so they can both lean against the pillows. He rests the laptop on his knees. Evan’s arm presses against Connor’s and Connor tries not to think about it. He tries to focus on the random video that Evan chose. It’s probably funny or something.

But he can’t. Because Evan is here.

Evan is warm and curled toward Connor and his hair smells nice and he’s leaning his head against Connor’s shoulder to see the screen better. And Connor’s heart is doing this weird thing where it feels like it’s being squeezed which is honestly so fucking rude.

Evan sighs and moves a little closer.

Yup. This is hell.

—«·»—

“Connor!”

Connor’s heart races as he wakes with a jerk. He’s about to move when he notices the weight on his torso. He looks down to see Evan’s head resting on his chest.

Connor stops breathing.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy—

“Connor?”

Connor groans and squints into the bright light of the hallway. When did he fall asleep? When did it get so fucking dark out? Why is Evan sleeping on him? Why is Zoe always so loud? “Wha?”

“You aren’t dead.” A smile plays at the corner of her mouth. Connor squints at her. “Get your ass downstairs, we’re about to—”

Evan sits up, rubbing his eyes.

Zoe stares at him. Her eyes go from Connor to Evan. Connor wants to go back to sleep. He wants Evan cuddled against him because fuck that was really nice.

“Zoe?” Evan asks, voice soft.

Connor is not mentally equipped for this.

“…thought Evan went home,” Zoe says slowly.

“No,” Connor says. “Nap.”

“Right. Right.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Cool. Okay.” She clears her throat. “We were going to…” She gestures over her shoulder. “You know…”

Connor narrows his eyes as he tries to figure out what she means.

“Friday night? Shabbat?”

Connor props himself up on his elbows. “Oh. Right.” He looks to Evan. Evan’s hair is messy and sticking up in all directions and it’s making Connor’s heart do weird things.

Zoe follows his gaze. “Uh… Evan can…join us? If he…?” She gives Connor a desperate look. “Or stay here? Or sleep…? Um…” She raises her eyebrows at Connor. Connor shakes his head.

“Uh…I don’t really…” Evan clears his throat. “My mom and I— we don’t really do anything for Shabbat at home…because… My mom works a lot so we don’t— I don’t really…know what I’m supposed to do?”

Tension seems to leave Zoe as she smiles at Evan. “Don’t worry about it, we can show you. Connor doesn’t know what he’s doing either.”

Connor flips her off and throws off his covers. “I won’t be insulted in my own fucking home,” he mutters.

Evan crawls over Connor’s legs to get out of bed. “You sure I w-won’t ruin it?” he asks Zoe, tugging on his shirt.

“Swear,” she says, drawing an x over her heart. “We haven’t set the house on fire yet, so you’ll be fine.”

Evan steps past her into the hallway and Zoe immediately raises her eyebrows at Connor. Connor gives her a look.

“What is this,” she hisses into his ear.

“What do you mean?” he whispers back.

She gestures to Evan. “When did you two get together?”

Connor jerks away. “What?”

Zoe stares at him. “You’re—”

“No!” He lowers his voice. “Zoe what the fuck—”

“I don’t know! He gets you to eat and sleep what the fuck am I supposed to think?”

“Not that?”

“A-are you two coming?” Evan asks from the top of the stairs.

Connor and Zoe exchange a look.

“Later,” Zoe says.

“No.” Connor walks over to Evan and tugs on his sleeve. “Let’s go.”

Zoe squeezes past them on the stairs, flicking the back of Connor’s head as she goes. “Mom! Evan’s joining us!”

Evan grabs Connor’s hand at the foot of the stairs. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do,” he whispers with wide eyes.

“It’s fine,” Connor promises. “Just stand next to me and do what I do. But you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Evan looks toward the kitchen. “I… It’ll be fine. Yeah. I-I want to do this.”

Connor gives him a small smile and pulls him into the dining room. Cynthia places down another glass as they walk in and smiles at Evan. Evan nods and fiddles with his hands and Connor resists the annoyingly strong urge to hold his hand.

Zoe passes around her purple kippot from a drawer near the sink, and Connor wonders how long it’ll take before his falls off this time. He watches Evan read the inscription inside of the date of her bat mitzvah, before nervously pressing it on his head.

They stand behind their chairs at the table, small glasses of grape juice — or in Larry’s case, red wine — next to their plates. Connor watches as Cynthia lights the candles and waves her hands over them before covering her eyes so she can’t see the flames as she sings a short prayer for the candles.

Connor tries to concentrate on the Hebrew instead of the glow reflected in Evan’s eyes. Those are bad thoughts. And it’s also not the time for them.

Cynthia moves to her seat and lifts her wine glass. Connor nudges Evan as the rest of the family does the same. Evan shoots him a thankful look and a tiny smile. They keep the glasses aloft as Cynthia makes Kiddush, only awkwardly joining in at the end of the blessing.

Connor remembers Zoe learning the other parts of it for her bat mitzvah, but she probably feels too uncomfortable to sing along with Evan here. Not that Evan is the most awkward and uncomfortable part of their dysfunctional family.

Everyone takes a sip of their drinks — Evan a little belatedly — and Cynthia removes the ornate cover from her handmade loaves of challah on the cutting board. Connor remembers when she used to buy challah for them, ordered specially from a bakery, shiny and with white flour. Sometimes on holidays they had raisins.

Now she bakes them gluten free and several weeks in advance, but at least he remembers the blessing for once (the food was really the part of Hebrew school he looked forward to), so he joins in quietly with everyone, trying not to focus on Evan’s wavery stuttering. The bread is sliced and the cutting board is passed around, and they all take their seats.

Connor hears an audible sigh of relief from Zoe. Evan looks to Connor and gives him a half smile. He’s gripping the hem of his shirt in his hands under the table. Connor smiles back.

Zoe is still right, they haven’t burned the house down.

Dinner is awkward. Honestly, Connor wasn’t expecting anything else. It’s awkward and quiet and the little talking that is done is done by Zoe and Cynthia. Connor does his best to just not look in Larry’s direction. He will ignore this as long as he possibly can. Next to him, Evan is tense and keeps his eyes mostly on his plate. Sometimes him and Connor make eye contact and Evan will give him a tiny smile and Connor’s heart tries out a fun new pattern. Evan keeps touching his kippah, sometimes adjusting it, eyebrows furrowing whenever he does. He’s probably worried about it slipping or falling into the soup or something and honestly, Connor relates.

They survive. That’s the important part.

“Told you it’d be fine,” Connor says as they go back up to his bedroom. Evan probably has to go home at some point but Connor is very pointedly not thinking about that.

Evan laughs. “I thought my kippah was going to fall off. I’d probably find a way to make it catch fire.”

“I’d be impressed.”

Connor eyes the stack of snacks on his desk before grabbing the carton of strawberries and sitting on the edge of his bed.

Connor holds out a strawberry and Evan takes it while saying, “You know, we just ate.” Connor shrugs. “Fruit is healthy.”

“I mean you aren’t wrong.” Evan drops down on the bed next to Connor.

Connor stares at him for a few moments. He’s probably got some sort of embarrassingly soft look on his face but it’s fine. Then he remembers that Evan is here. “Oh shit, I have money here some—”

“No,” Evan interrupts.

Connor shakes his head. “We agreed—”

“Fuck Jared’s list,” Evan says. He glances to the doorway and lowers his voice. “I wanted to be here, Con. I wanted to see you. D-don’t… You don’t have to pay me.”

“Are you sure?” Connor asks softly. He feels…like he’s using Evan but worse. Because this is not the agreement.

Evan nods. “I’m sure.”

Connor runs a hand through his hair and looks away. “Okay,” he says, stomach turning. It’s okay. It’s fine. “Okay.”

#connor murphy #evan hansen #tree bros #convan #deh #my fics #to have a friend #so many things are happening

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obscuraxrp · 7 years ago

Photo

The smoke settles to reveal CHALUAY JETATIKARN, also known as CJ, a 26 year old yeti-blooded of Sunseong. They are an ex-children’s television personality who appears to be adept with enhanced strength, muscle mass enhancement, size enhancement, and inaudible movement --- but like most things in Sunseong, there must be more to them than meets the eye.

FACECLAIM: (Tina) Suppanad Jittaleela, actress

APPEARANCE:

(HUMAN) CJ is mostly human in appearance with the exception being their canines are notably pointed and slightly longer than most humans, and can extend into full on fangs when they are angered or engaged in a fight. Due to the slow speed at which Yeti age, CJ tends to look quite young despite being in their late twenties. Furthermore, the muscles beneath their skin tend to harden (like ice) when in motion or even just flexed a bit. It’s a pronounced enough feature that they’ve learned to side step others when walking or move to catch clumsy folks at arms length in an effort to keep the unsuspecting (read: humans) from running into their body like it’s an ice wall, and getting knocked unconscious.

(YETI) CJ can shift at will or accidentally when distressed into a tall erect furry, clawed and fanged giant “abominable snowman” being. However their fur grows almost continuously so long as they are out of range of cold climates. If not vigilant with daily clipping, they’ll grow a full on flowing silky dark brown fur pelt within a couple of days time (as the “undercoat” fur is also a natural health defense response to the higher heat found of non-mountainous regions).

BIOGRAPHY:

With icy mountains and fury in their eyes, and the shadow of a fur pelt covering flesh, they tore their career to shreds.

Fiction and reality collided on the busy sound stage that day. Even they don’t know why they did it, or what was the final crack that had caused it. But everything came crashing down all at once. It could have even been the way they could barely keep their eyes open in the make-up chair after pulling three weeks worth of multiple back-to-back “Green Tea & Biscuits” merchandising fan meet appearances for Lotte stores. Could have been the painful crooked row of half healing razor nicks on their legs that a lifetime of intense shaving had only made more tender. Maybe it was the way Manager wouldn’t take any their calls, wouldn’t come home even though they had IMed 119 so many times that day and yesterday night, that their thumb was now sore. Could more than likely have been the fact their credit card had been declined twice that day. Perhaps it was even the mean way some strange woman pretending to be a coordi lady had showed up in their dressing room and shoved an evil sickly yellow envelope in their hands with a hissed “you’ve been served”.

Or maybe…

Maybe.

They were just too damn hot…

There was no air. There was always not enough air, but on that day it was so much worse. The “sticky riceball” dance bit was a distant incoherent haze in their memory as the bright camera lights cooked them over done in sweltering quilted cotton and itchy stiff felt. They hated the “sticky riceball” dance bit. At twenty-six years of age they should not have to still sing about being a lonely brown rice ball waning to be be “friends” with toasted seaweed, when neither was even that tasty to begin with. They would have rather been singing about some real food. Why did no one dance about juicy chops or steak? On ice.

It was still too hot. Thinking of food made the heat even more unbearable. Suddenly they didn’t care. Not about Manager’s demands that they sing happily always–because–business. Smile. Be cute. Make the live audience kids laugh.

Manager wasn’t there.

There was no reason care.

They didn’t want to be “cute” anymore. Didn’t feel like being a “good” little trooper. They weren’t a trooper. They were too damn hot! They missed mountain slopes frosted over with cold and snow, where humans were far apart. Anger edged out duty and with spite in the flurry of their movements they snapped. They’d make their own cold. Somewhere things were shattered and claws marks appeared on the len of Camera A. Why did it feel so good? Tiny people running to, fro and screaming. So much screaming! They ran too, because finally getting to chase all little meaty things felt so good. Felt right! The screams almost sounded like music, the jagged red sad kind, which somehow fit since their vision was red and inside they been jagged and sad for a long time.

When it was over, they were alone but for the team of suits that had gathered. Poor thing. The suits could only do but so much. Manager had done so many things wrong, so many bad things and they were so young. It was a lot of money to bribe so many mouths to stay shut after an episode like that–but there was pity too. After all look what that scum had done to them? Seventy-five percent of all their earnings? No taxes paid ever?

It was decided stress had to be the deciding factor. Of course. Yes. Stress, mismanagement and definitely not something else. After all it was a kids show. They had never been anything but the most professional host before that day. Except now no one would ever trust their kid on the same stage with them ever again. They had threw a person into the audience (among other things), annihilated the set and everyone had seen. They had made all the kids cry. The suit thought it lucky if no one sued.

It was over. A punishment to fit the crime: never return to Seoul, never show their face on children’s broadcast again. It was the suits who suggested Sunseong, and since they know of nowhere better at the moment–Sunseong it would have to be.

CHARACTERIZATION:

–“Manager” bought CJ from a Thai exotic animal smuggling outfit when they were a toddler and smuggled them into South Korea. Manager also trained them to be a child performer once they realized what they had was actual “halfway to human”.

–Before the “incident”, Chaluay, was very outgoing and friendly (playful even). As a children’s television host they had been trained right from childhood by Manager to be charming, engaging and “fun”. They’ve always followed the unwritten rule that all kids show hosts, must act excitable and zany, if not downright bonkers on air.

–Off-air CJ was never really “allowed” to be out of character either(which is why the “incident” has really damaged their self-confidence over all). They’re not even sure who they are anymore after a lifetime of being turned “on” for cameras and people mostly not over the age of seven.

–Children still remember CJ, and unless they wear a hat and shades in public they will usually attract a crowd of leg hugging preschool kids rather quickly (as “Green Tea & Biscuits” reruns are still currently in syndication and quite popular). Even elementary and middle schoolers (who don’t think they are “too cool”) still hit CJ up for selfies and autographs.

–The network censored delayed and then edited out CJ’s in-studio Yeti meltdown before it went live and promptly cut in old footage of cartoons and puppet skits to cover the parts full of studios destruction. The kids that were in the studio audience, Biscuit’s human suit actor and the child extras who played the “Tea Pals” on the sound stage that faithful day were paid off handsomely and slapped with gag orders to not talk about what happen with press.

–CJ feels really truly terrible about throwing and hurting the human actor in the “Biscuits” suit. “Biscuits” actor was the only human injured in the rampage, mostly cause they tried to talk CJ down from the shift and got in the way. The older actor and CJ had been long time partners right from the beginning of the show. He was the closest person CJ had to being a friend.

–CJ is still paying off an income tax evasion judgement, a breach of contract fines, property destruction fines, Biscuit’s suit actors medical bills, credit card debt–and all the other mess Manager left them with. Not to mention the slew of supernatural friendly lawyer fees and the ungodly large bribes it took to keep the meltdown from leaking into the press and keep CJ out of the radar of DSEM and The Aequitas Guild. The debt is significant enough that CJ will probably spend the rest of their life and future endorsement and/or licensing royalties to pay it all off.

SPECIALTIES:

Supernatural Strength RANK II. (40 points) CJ like a Yeti is glaringly, obviously super/unnaturally stronger than a human being. At the moment they are a “Type I” strength category and can hoist a maximum of about 18-20 tons (i.e 36000 lbs or 16329.3 kg), so roughly they can pretty easily flip a city metro or Type D yellow school bus over on its side.

Muscle Mass Enhancement RANK I. (20 points) CJ can increase the muscle mass (across their chest, arms, and legs) by flexing of their muscles and joints. It in essence allows their muscles to solidify with an ice like strength, stamina and durability.

Inaudible Movement RANK I. (20 points) Like their Yeti ancestors, CJ can strike or stalk with complete and absolute inhuman silence and speed, allowing them to move around, attack, hide or stand without disturbing most beings (humans in particular have a hard time following their movements).

Size Enhancement RANK I. (20 points) Full blood Yeti are recorded to possibly be between sizes of eight and 15 feet. A fully furred out CJ can shapeshift at will from a small 170 cm to much more Yeti like 214 cm.

Ice Generation RANK 0. (Innate ability, 0 points) CJ can reduce the kinetic energy of liquid atoms by concentrating on it, thereby lowering total substance temperature, and effectively making it colder, ranging from slightly chilly levels to slight crystallizing into frost. Mainly useful for making their own slushie drinks and cocktails.

Montane Adaptation RANK 0. (Innate ability, 0 points) CJ is able to thrive and adapt to very cold elevated conditions where the air is thin and the climate consists of frost or even blizzard like conditions, as they possess adjusted breathing capacity, high air-pressure tolerance, sub-zero immunity and an immunity to the effects of vertigo or similar disorientation as well as the ability to move on the mountains without artificial help. CJ is far more tolerant to the direct and indirect effects of scaling inhospitable high peak locations like Mt Fuji or even Mount Everest than humans or animals.

Temperate Fur Generation RANK 0. (Innate ability, 0 points) CJ generates dark brown fur over their entire body, giving resistance to high temperatures, and even some physical damage. They have almost no control over their fur as it is a natural camouflage and defensive response to environmental, emotional or external temperate stimuli.

Fangs/Claw Retraction RANK 0. (Innate ability, 0 points) Like CJ’s fur, fangs and claws are natural defensive usually triggered by adrenaline. Ancient Nyalmo Yeti are in most cases were carnivorous and predatory.

Enhanced Hearing RANK 0. (Innate ability, 0 points) CJ hears with amazing clarity, distance, and even frequencies outside normal range. A high predator species, Yetis can decipher layer upon layer of differing sounds/conversations, locate the source of noise and detect slight prey movements.

Night Vision RANK 0. (Innate ability, 0 points) CJ has excellent night vision, and that is a left over adaption from their cave dwelling heritage. It’s not quite as powerful as a full blood Yeti might have, but it’s leaps a bounds better than a humans. With that said their eyes do reflect back pin points of eerie blue light in the dark much like a cats might.

#obs: follow #*suppanad jittaleela #*tina jittaleela #violence cw #destruction of innocence cw #biscuit injury cw #don't let carmilla tag apps at 3am cw

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bloodlustthewingedwolf-blog · 8 years ago

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The Furry Guardians Part 1: Bloodlust’s Story

Introduction

Hey everyone. My name is Bloodlust, but my friends call me Blood. I’m a veteran of the USMC. I live with 4 other people named Hans, My boyfriend Geo, Eko, and Droxy. We live to fight against anyone that tries to bring us down. If you get in our way, you’re in for a big surprise. We like to call ourselves The Furry Guardians. I know it sounds silly but we have some abnormal powers that nobody has ever heard of. This is my story. So if you’re here to read a good story, you’re in for a treat. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the story.

Chapter 1

Part 1

Iraq

“I need more bandages!” A soldier yells while he tries to stop the bleeding on what used to be my right arm. I stare deep into the eyes of the Russian furry known as Nikolai Kutsnensove. Nikolai and I have been in the same squad ever since we joined the USMC. Nikolai was a rogue Russian who had joined the USMC after the Russians killed his wife and kids. I joined the USMC because I wanted to serve my country. I live in a military family and thought that I might as well keep the family blood going. As I think of all this my vision starts to fade. Nikolai slaps me to keep me awake “Do not die on me colonel! I won’t be able to hang out with anyone anymore” Nikolai says with a heavy Russian accent. I jerk awake as he slaps me. “Don’t worry…I’m not…” I say with labored breathes. As Nikolai is bandaging up my arm he stands up and orders for a medic. But as he does a grenade goes off. Another soldier throws himself on top of me to keep me safe. I push him off and struggle to get up to find Nikolai. Nowhere. I run around to try to find him and I come face to face with a hostile Russian, a .44 Magnum pointed right between my eyes. I stand completely still, making sure not to make any sudden movements. The Russian speaks in a heavy Russian accent “Drop your weapon American. Before I decide to end your career in the USMC.” I go to remove my weapon but someone behind me calls my name and the Russian aims at the source and fires, killing the soldier who called my name. I didn’t get a chance to see who it was. But I knew who it was. That accent, that tone, it was Nikolai. That damn Russian shot my brother in arms. I yell in anger as I charge the fucker that killed my best friend. I realized too late that he had already clicked the hammer of the gun. I hear the click, the discharge, and then next thing I know, I have a bullet in my head. I fall to the ground with a loud thump, my heart still beating but starting to slow. I hear muffled gunshots and the Russian falls to the ground as he gets filled with bullets. I look over and my breath was almost taken away. The Navy Seals were here. What were they doing here in Iraq? One of them rushes over to me and checks my pulse. He shouts orders that sound muffled to me because of the blood rushing through my ears. A medic runs over and tries to stop the bleeding. While he does an Apache helicopter hovers over me and the medic lifts me into it. The last thing I saw before I passed out was the flash of Nikolai’s necklace. The last thing that I ever saw of Nikolai. I couldn’t believe he was gone. I try to yell to the people on the ground to get me his dog-tags but I don’t have enough energy and I finally pass out. I immediately want to be brought back to life. My mind gets flooded with bad memories and visions of Nikolai. The worst one I saw was when Nikolai was patching me up and he went missing after the grenade. Another one is when we’re hanging out at Military Base Delta playing poker with a couple people from our squadron. I had won the game and got about $60 and a bottle of liquor from it. “This is bullshit. Are you sure you weren’t cheating Blood?” Nikolai asks me as I count the money. “No cheating here Nik. If I was, that would be poor sport. Maybe you should step up your game and try to increase your luck” Everyone laughs as I pop open the bottle of Vodka. “Anyone care for a drink?” I say as I show the bottle. Everyone asks for a shot. “Thought so. Nobody can turn down Nik’s vodka” I say as I pour them each a shot. “Well, here’s to another day in the USMC. And maybe Nikolai will get better luck next time we play poker. Even though I win every time” I say as we all tap our shot glasses together. All that is taken away from my grasp as im brought back to the land of the living by a jolt of electricity sent through my body. I breathe heavily and sit up quickly. Im in some sort of medical room. I look around and don’t see anyone. Then who brought me back to life? I look at my stump and notice that I have a new arm. I flex it and it feels just like a normal arm. But how? I lost my arm to a fucker with a .338 Lapua. I hear a noise and quickly pull out my mini pistol that I always keep in my combat boots just in case of emergencies and aim at the source. The reason for the noise is standing in the doorway with her arms up, she’s dressed in her combat uniform. Normal camo with a touch of white for added camouflage. She has bright blue eyes, a muscular but sexy body, she was cute in a Female-Marine sort of way. She had tan and white fur and a scar under her left eye. I immediately remember who it is. “Major Gummy. Marine, Sniper unit 201” I address her. She speaks in a strong but also kind of sweet voice “Wow, you really know your soldiers. Now can you please lower your gun colonel?” She says as I realize im still holding the gun. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that.” I put the gun back in its place as she walks over and gestures to my arm. “You like it? It’s made out of lightweight aluminum and steel. Strong, but fast.” She says with a light smile. I look at her surprised “How long was I out for?” I ask her. “You were out for 2 weeks” She tells me. That got me. I was out for 2 weeks. How had I survived being shot in the head by a Russian .44? That gun should have blown my head clean off. I look at my arm and sigh heavily. “It looks so real” I say to her. She laughs and taps it, making a loud metal clang. “Yup. I made it myself. Im pretty good with robotics. Anyway, you’re gonna be happy to hear this. You’re being honorably discharged for your service. Im also being discharged because I….kind of….got shot….by an RPG…” She says nervously. I stare in amazement “Wow. Sounds like you had it rough” She looks at me with a look that makes me regret what I said. She obviously doesn’t like a smart ass. “Ok. Enough chit chat. C’mon lets go meet General Reyzar.” She says as she gets up “Can you walk?” She asks me. I get up and surprisingly have enough strength to stand. This is definitely not normal. “Yeah I can walk” I say as I flip my hair off my muzzle. “Good. I don’t want to have to carry you all the way to command” She says as she starts walking out the door. I reluctantly follow her and we begin walking to command. Im watching her the whole way there and she doesn’t notice until were right outside the door of the command center. She looks at me and snaps her fingers to get my attention “See something you like?” I shake my head as I realize how rude im being. I could tell I was getting on her bad side with the look she gave me (I wouldn’t want to see that look again. Creeps me out) “No...It’s just, how do you have all your limbs? Wouldn’t you be eviscerated since you got shot by an RPG?” She looks at me with a confused look. “You really don’t know much about me do ya colonel? I can regrow limbs on command. Why do you think my name is Gummy?” She tells me in an annoyed tone. I stare in amazement. “Wha…? H…how? Do you have lizard DNA?” I ask her as I realize my jaw is hanging open. I close it and continue to stare in amazement. She laughs and looks back at me “No I don’t have lizard DNA. I developed this ability when I was taken hostage by the Russians and experimented on. I was on a reconnaissance mission to spy on the Soviet Union to find out their plans. It turns out, they’re taking other furries and experimenting on them to find out what chemical has the worst effect” She says as a tear rolls down her face “They’re using chemical warfare Bloodlust, they’re gonna wipe out the entire united states. Citizens, soldiers, the president, everybody. Even Russian spies in the US. They will stop at nothing until they see us all dead Blood, NOTHING! THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN STOP THEM IS THE RUSSIAN PRESIDENT! AND THERE IS NO WAY HES GONNA LET UP!” She says as she pushes me “THEY KILLED JONES! THEY KILLED MY ENTIRE SQUAD! THEY KILLED MY DAUGHTER AMBER! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW RELENTLESS THEY ARE BECAUSE YOU NEVER EXPERIENCED IT FIRST HAND! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WILL DO IN ORDER TO WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE USMC!” I try to calm her down “Gummy, I know it hurts. I lost my friend Nikolai and my entire family to the Russians. I witnessed all of their deaths. Trust me. I lost my son and I got my boyfriend away in time.” Tears start to roll down my face as I slide to a sitting position by the wall “They killed Jace…They killed my parents…” I look up at her “THEY’RE ALL DEAD! ALL OF THEM! I DON’T HAVE ANYONE ELSE! I HAVENT SEEN GEO IN 3 YEARS! I’VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT HIM AND YOU’RE YELLING AT ME BECAUSE YOU LOST 2 OF YOUR FRIENDS?! I LOST ALL OF THEM! YOU HEAR ME?! ALL OF THEM!” Im standing up now, tears rolling down my face as I rat her out “YOU DON’T HAVE IT AS ROUGH AS I DO GUMMY! YOU MAY HAVE SPECIAL POWERS BUT I DON’T! IT MAKES ME FEEL WEAK!” I address Gummy as I slide down again. “I don’t know what to do anymore” Gummy kneels down in front of me with a worried look on her face. “Im sorry that happened to you Blood. You didn’t deserve to go through that.” She says as she shakes her head “At least you know how relentless they are. They can kill with no expression. I also saw something when I was captured. Someone that looked exactly like you. But his name was-” She gets interrupted when General Reyzar came walking out of command. He’s a sergal. In the military as far back as he can remember. His fur is white, black, and orange. A scar underneath his left eye, muscular body, his greatcoat down to his legs. He’s about 7 or 8 feet tall. With a high caliber AR-15 slung across his back. He looks down at us and speaks in a low but commanding voice “Colonel Bloodlust, Major Gummy. What took you two so long to get to command? And what are you doing on the floor?” He addresses us. We both get up and dust ourselves off. I look up at Reyzar, him being 2 feet taller than me even though im 6 foot. I salute and clear my throat, not realizing how dry it was until now. “Sorry sir. It won’t happen again sir.” I say as Gummy does the same. “It better not. But it will never happen again because of your discharge. Colonel Bloodlust, Major Gummy, meet me in hanger bay 7. We will have your pardon ceremony there.” Reyzar says as he salutes to us “Stay American soldiers” Gummy and I both salute in return and we say at the same time “Stay American sir” Reyzar starts walking back into command before I stop him. He looks back at me “What is it soldier?” I look up at him and hold my arms behind my back, my legs shoulder width apart, just like Nikolai showed me. “Captain Nikolai was killed in battle today while he was saving my life. Well, at least trying to. And I was hoping that we could have a funeral today in his honor. He was a great soldier sir. And I hope for his death not to be in vain” I say to him as he nods his head. He puts his hand on my shoulder reassuringly, his hand way bigger than my head. (Sergals are pretty threatening so don’t make one mad. I learned that the hard way.) “I will see what I can do. I agree with you. Nikolai was a great soldier and he didn’t deserve that death.” He says as he salutes “Stay American Bloodlust” I salute as well and smile “Stay American Rey” Reyzar smiles and walks back into command and closes the door behind him. Gummy hearing our entire conversation. I look at her and walk to her, clapping my hand on her back. “Looks like this day has went from ok to great. Come on” I say and nod my head towards the dorms “Let’s go pack up” She nods and starts walking to her dorm room.

Chapter 1

Part 2

The Shooting

It’s been 2 days since it happened, the shooting, so many people, my comrades, my brothers in arms, all of them, gone. As I know of I’m the only survivor. You guys are probably wondering what im talking about. There was a shooting. The Russians invaded the base. They brought tanks, helicopters, submarines, all the heavy artillery known to man. And killed everyone in Military Base Delta. At least that’s what I thought. I’ll show you guys in this part.

As I was getting ready for the discharge Gummy comes in with a forest green duffle bag on her shoulder and a M1911 strapped to her belt. She told me that she takes that pistol everywhere. She said it belonged to her father. And her father was the best captain of the United States Marine Corps. Served alongside general Reyzar before he became general. Her father was the most well-known captain. Captain Hans Gustonia. He’s German. He was supposedly part of the lost battalion of the US Army. He was a werewolf, and he’s dead. (Or so I thought) As all this is going through my head G walks up, smiling like she had just won a cruise in the Caribbean. “What are you so happy about?” I ask her. “Oh just happy that im finally getting out of here.” I smiled and grabbed my Model .459 Caliber Pistol and strapped it to my thigh. “So am I. I can finally go home and see my boyfriend Geo.” She looks at me with an interested look “You haven’t really told me much about your boyfriend Blood” She says as she sits on the bed “Why don’t you tell me a bit about him?” I shrug and sit on the bed across from her after setting my bag on the bed “Well, he’s the greatest guy that you could ever have. He too had a bad accident like me. He has a metal arm and shoulder instead of me just having a normal metal arm. And he always has this soft green glow around him. And whenever he feels emotions he glows a bright green. His personality is the sweetest part about him. When you’re sad, he knows just the right things to say in order to cheer you up. He’s just…” I wipe a few tears from my face and sniffle “He’s just the sweetest guy ever...” I look up at Gummy, a few tears in my eyes “You should have seen him when I was told I had to leave. He didn’t want me to go because he was afraid I would get hurt. And now look at me” I hold up the new robotic arm and tap it a few times, I sigh as I do so. “He’s going to be so pissed when he finds out I lost my arm” Gummy gets up and walks over, sitting next to me and then hugs me tightly, Softly petting my back “You’ll be fine Blood. I promise. He’s not gonna be pissed, you two are going to be just fine” I blush softly and then hug her back. Loving the feeling of someone hugging me again. The feeling of warmth rushing through my body. I don’t want her to let go but I am forced to when an alarm goes off. She lets go and looks around “What the hell?” I look around as well, confused as hell until I realize why it’s going off “We’re under attack” The look on our faces shows the same thing. Fear. We both get up and run down the hall as soldiers trip over themselves trying to get their weapons. Me and G already have ours out as we run as fast as we can down the hallway. As we’re running an explosion knocks us into the other wall as a tank rolls through the wall that was to our right. We both get as low as we can as the tank rolls over us, just enough space for us not to be crushed under the treads. We both get up and run down the rest of the hallway and bust through the doors at the end and the sight that we see is horrifying. There’s an entire Russian army inside of the base. Helicopters, Tanks, Soldiers, and something that we’ve never seen before. A giant mech suit. It grabs hold of a soldier and then rips off his arms and then throws him to the side. We’re frozen in fear as we see this happen. The mech operator sees us and we both know it’s too late to fight “RUN!” We both run to the right trying to escape the mech but it’s faster than we expected. I say fuck it and unfold my wings, grabbing G and kicking off the ground and into the air. But as we’re flying some of the soldiers on the ground start firing at us. Thank god I have feathered wings or else I’d already be on the ground. But once we’re about 700 yards off the ground a sniper bullet hits the bone of my wing and I start spinning out of control, I lose my grip on G and she goes spiraling towards the ground and I’m unable to grab her in time. The blood curdling scream that originates from her mouth makes me cry “GUMMYYYYY!!!” I yell as I plummet towards the roof of the base. I hit the ground hard and I get up as quick as I can and run over to the side of the roof, frantically looking around for G but she’s nowhere to be seen. This makes me worried. Where the hell is she? My question gets answered when I see a plume of smoke and a scream of pain is heard in the distance. Gummy. I jump off the roof and slide down the side, once I get to the ground I pull out my pistol and knife and run towards the sound of the scream, killing any Russians that get in my way. I try my best to get to her but there’s too many. I run in the other direction, towards all of my fellow soldiers. As I’m running to them I see him. General Reyzar. I run up to him and try my best to talk to him, talking to him in between heavy breathes but it all sounds like this “G…Plummet…Out there…Search…” Rey understands what I’m saying and orders me to go inside and I have no choice but to listen to him. As I’m trying my best to run inside I look back and immediately regret it. The mech is standing right over Rey. He’s frozen in fear as the mech picks up the general that I called my friend. I stop dead in my tracks. The only word that I can get out is “No…” and then the mech rips the general in half and throws him aside. I start to cry as I witness this scene. The sergal that had been in the USMC since he was 18. Killed by a fucking mech. I run inside and look around for a hiding place. I find a closet and I run inside and close the door behind me. I slide down the wall and hug my legs and bury my face in my knees. I just witnessed the death of the most skilled member of the United States Marine Corps. Ripped in half. By a god damn mechanical suit. “This can’t be happening” I say as I start to cry again. I punch a shelf and knock over a box of ammo. I realize where I am. The Armory. I stand up and pull out my flashlight and shine it around the giant room. I see a bunch of shelves but no guns. “Oh well that’s just great” I say as I look around some more. My flashlight drops to my side and I look up, frustrated. I walk over to the door and peek outside. Nobody’s there. I take this chance and open the door and start running down the hallway. I pick up a gun off the ground and cock it. Thank god it’s loaded. Once I get to a crossroads I stand against the wall, my gun ready. I hear footsteps and I hold my breath, slowly backing into the shadows. My dark fur helping me blend in. Once the soldiers pass I slowly emerge from the shadows and make my way down the hallway I was going down. After what seemed like an hour I finally get to my destination. The Command Center. I enter my code into the keypad and when I hear the click of the doors unlocking I run inside and close them behind me. I walk over to the big monitors lining the opposite wall. I type in the password and when the security feed pops up, I force myself not the cry. It’s G. She’s alive but barely. She has a missing arm and a broken leg. She’s not moving and she’s been surrounded by a Russian squadron. Two Russians pick her up and take her away. I punch the keyboard and it breaks in half. I curse and use the one next to it. Checking the other security feeds looking for other survivors. I can’t find anybody. They’re all dead. I’m the only survivor left at Military Base Delta. This breaks my heart as I look around to find the mutilated corpses of my fellow brothers and sisters in arms. No life left in them. I find one that looks just like me. I rest my fingertips against the screen “That could have been me…” I sit staring at the screen for what seems like an hour, wondering what the families will think when they hear what had happened to all of their family members out here at Military Base Delta. Some of them might want to retaliate, some of them might want to join them. I know that Geo would want to join me if something had happened to me. After pondering this I hear voices coming from down the hallway. I hide in a closet in the room and hold my breath, making sure that no one is able to hear me. Soon after hiding in the closet I hear the doors get blown open by some sort of explosive. Then I hear Russian voices on the other side of my closet door. But there’s one that I recognize. A heavy Russian accent, a deep voice, the sound of a limp. It’s Nikolai. I slowly open the door, slow enough that nobody can hear or see it open, and sure enough there he is. I have to strain myself not to bust open the door and tackle him. He’s got the same lime green and black fur. The same limp in his left leg. I can’t take it anymore. I bust open the door and aim my gun at Nikolai. His entire squadron aims all their guns at me. Nikolai turns around and looks me dead in the eye and speaks in his heavy Russian accent that I have heard for 3 years “Bloodlust..?” I stand there looking at him, my gun aimed right between his eyes. Since I had ran here from the battlefield outside, I’m forced to speak in labored breathes “Nikolai…How…How are you alive..?” He looks down and orders his men to lower their guns. I can tell that something is wrong. He walks over and rests his hand on my shoulder “Blood…I hate to tell you this but…” As he says this I feel the cold metal of a pistol barrel to my stomach “I work with the Russians now” I feel him about the pull the trigger but I swat it aside and put Nikolai in a choke hold and kill all his men by firing my MP5K that I picked up off the ground in the hallway (I’m honestly surprised it still had ammo in it) After I kill all of them I spin Nikolai around and aim his pistol right at his head “I demand you to tell me what happened Nik. I had seen the Russian pull the trigger and I heard the impact of the bullet. How are you alive?” Nikolai is standing with his hands up in the air “Bloodlust just drop the gun and I’ll tell you everything” I don’t do anything but move closer, the barrel of the pistol right at his forehead, Nikolai knowing that if he did anything funny I would kill him without hesitation “Ok fine. I was working with the Russians the entire time I was with you. I’m a spy Blood. I’m surprised you never noticed.” I lower my gun and stare Nik in the eye “Why. Why would you do this? I thought you were my friend. You killed your friends. You killed my friends. You…” Something clicks in my head and I immediately want it to go away. The mech operator. I look to my left and see the mech just outside the door with nobody in it. And then I see it. The death of Reyzar. Him getting ripped in half. The death of the soldiers in front me because of that mech operator. The mech operator was Nikolai. I look at Nikolai with a look of sorrow. “You were the mech operator. You killed Reyzar. You killed…” The spade on my chest begins to glow a very dark red “You killed my best friend!!!” I lunge at him and tackle him to the ground, my claws out now as I slash at his face and chest. A look of complete fear on Nikolai’s face as I completely tear him apart. I pick him up and then slam him multiple times against the wall. Taking out all of my fear and rage out on the one I used to call my friend. I throw him out of the room and he tries his best to crawl to the mech but I pick up my MP5K and fire the rest of the clip into his back. I walk over, tossing the rifle aside. I kick him over and realize it’s too late. “I thought you could trust me Blood” and then he fires the pistol that was in the hand of one of his dead squad members right at my gut. I fall over and land hard on my head, nearly knocking me out. My vision is blurry but I hear more footsteps down the hallway. Only one pair, female. And then I hear a gunshot and blood sprays onto my face. I instantly know whose it is. Nikolai is dead now. Shortly after that Gummy kneels over me. Trying to stop the bleeding in my stomach. She picks me up and runs down the hallway at a speed that she shouldn’t be able to run while carrying a big guy like me. Once she gets to the end of the hallway she calls out and a Humvee pulls up and she puts me in the back with a medic. She gets in the front and yells at the driver to drive. I pass out almost instantly.

Chapter 2

The Base

I wake up in an infirmary. But it doesn’t look like an infirmary in a military base or hospital. I look over and see a blood bag hooked up to my left arm. I look to my right and my breath is immediately taken away when I see him. The green and black fur. And a soft green glow around him. It’s Geo. But that can’t be him. He’s back in Nevada. “Wait, where are we?” I accidentally say out loud as I look around the room. “We’re home” Geo says as he gets up and walks over to me “Well, not our home. But this’ll work for now” I sit up and sit against the headboard “What happened? What do you mean home? What is this place?” Geo softly pets my head and smiles. “We’re in Gummy’s house.” And then it hits me like a sledgehammer. That’s why I recognized this place. I look over and see a picture of Gummy with her father, Hans. I don’t know why I missed it before. I look at Geo, awestruck. “What the fuck are we doing here?” Just as I say that Gummy walks in “Oh hey, you’re awake” She says with a light smile as she walks over with a tray of some weird red substance inside a water bottle. I look at it, confused and then she grabs it and hands it to me “Drink up” I look at her with a face that anyone can easily read “I’m not drinking that” She sets it on the bedside table and scoffs softly “You really are a dumbass. That’s what’s in your blood bag. It’s called Insomniosia. It works better than painkillers. And with your condition, you need it badly. So come on, drink it” I reluctantly grab the water bottle and drink a little bit of it, surprised at how good it tastes “This tastes amazing” I say with an awestruck face “See? It’s not that bad” She takes out a clear flask and drinks the same substance as I drink the rest of the bottle and feel warmth rush through my body. “This stuff works just like ambrosia, like in Greek history.” She nods and smiles “You’re exactly right. But, it works way better. Take a look at your hand.” I look at my hand and nothing seems different from before “Nothings happ-” I get cut off when my entire hand starts on fire. This gets me going. I jump out of my bed and try to put out the fire, screaming as my hand sits as a ball of fire. Geo starts freaking out as well, trying to put out the flame with water but it’s no use. After about 10 minutes of trying to put it out it finally goes out. I look at Gummy, wondering what the fuck had just happened. “What the fuck just happened?!” She laughs and takes another swig of her Insomniosia. “You developed powers when Nikolai shot you in the gut. When I ran over to you after killing him, your entire body was resting on a small pit of embers. And all around you was burned. All of the bodies that used to be the Russians that you had killed, were all burnt to a crisp” I wonder if I should believe her or not. How did I develop powers just by getting shot in the gut by a pistol? But now that I think about it, I didn’t feel any heat when my hand lit on fire. I look at my hand and notice that there’s no scorch marks or burnt flesh. “I…I’m a wizard…?” I say with a confused tone. Gummy bursts out laughing and has to use the bed to support herself. After her little outburst she looks up at me, wiping a few tears away from her eyes from laughing so hard. “No you dingus. You developed powers. You’re an elemental. You were born with this power. It just took up until now in order for it to surface. There’s so many people like you. And guess where they are?” She says as she places her hands on my shoulders “Right in this house” I have to use the wall to support myself. An elemental? I can control fire? I can summon fire at will? “I’m a fire elemental…What does that make me part of the fire nation?” Gummy laughs and punches my arm. “Well if you want to call yourself that, I’m gonna have to get Droxy in here to extinguish your flames” She says as she walks over to the door. “Come on. I’ll go introduce you guys to them” I walk over to Geo and grab his hand, bringing him over to the doorway. “Droxy…That name sounds so familiar…She wouldn’t happen to be a dragon would she? An orange and red dragon?” Gummy smiles and opens the door “Why don’t you go look for yourself?” I let go of Geo’s hand and run out into the hallway and into the living room, looking for her. “Droxy?” As I say this I hear a thump outside, like someone landing. I run outside and then I see her. The red and orange wings, the eyepatch covering her left eye, the brown hair. “Droxy!” A smile forms on both of our faces and we both run at each other and hug each other as tight as possible. “Oh my god I missed you so much” I tell her as we both wrap our wings around each other, a gesture known only to us. A gesture of acceptance, peace. “I missed you to Bloodlust. I can’t believe we found each other again” A few tears well up in my eyes and I hug Droxy tighter. After a few minutes of hugging we let go and look at each other. And then I notice something cold on my left arm. I look down and see that Droxy has a metal hand. I hold it up and look at it “Droxy what happened?” She gets a little shy and pulls her hand back, hiding it in her gray greatcoat. “You don’t wanna know…” I grab hold of her shoulders and look her in the eye. “Droxy…” I hug her again and this time more loving and caring. I don’t know what happened to her but I know it was traumatizing for her. She tears up and buries her face in my chest. I wrap my wings around both of us but she doesn’t. I know what she’s experiencing, sadness, trauma, she doesn’t know what to do. I just hold her close and tell her it’s going to be ok. “Everything is going to be ok Droxy. I promise. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Just then Geo walks up behind me “We, won’t let anything happen to you.” This made Droxy’s face light up and she hugs both of us. We both smiled and hugged her tightly, I wrapped my wings around us, separating us from the world. Gummy comes out and leans against the doorframe of the entrance of the house and when we finish hugging, I look over the trees of the woods and see something, it’s very distant but I can just make out a shape, I can’t tell what it is, but as it gets closer I hear it, it sounds like loud footsteps, and not just loud like stomping while running, but loud like something big is coming. I can’t tell what it is but then I see somethings wrong with Droxy. I look at her and get really worried. I stand in front of her and hold her shoulders “Droxy? What’s wrong?” She then pushes me out of the way and starts running to the woods. The footsteps are getting closer. I look at Gummy and she’s just as worried as I am. I look at Geo and tell him to go inside. He cooperates and runs inside and locks the door. I tell Gummy to stay and look after him. “I want t-” she doesn’t get to finish her sentence because I’m already in the air, flying after Droxy. I look behind me and finally see it. A giant orange, yellow, and red dragon with four eyes comes running out of the woods. I start flying even faster. Calling Droxy’s name, trying to see if she can answer me. I start to get really worried and want to find her as fast as possible. Just then the giant dragon comes up behind me and grabs me with its giant hand and holds me in front of its mouth. I try my best to get free but it’s no use. I look into one of the dragons eyes, terrified. But it doesn’t kill me. It just holds me there, staring at me. It then puts me on its back and starts running to where Droxy was running. I get up on its head and then realize who it is. It’s Stark. One of Droxy’s old friends. “Stark?” I say, awestruck. She looks back at me and smiles. “You miss me?” she says in a deep and booming voice. I smile and pat her head. “I missed you a lot. Come on we’ll catch up later. We gotta find Droxy” I tell her and she starts running again. I grab onto her horns to keep myself on her head. I look around frantically, trying my best to find her. I hear a scream come from the other end of the woods and Stark runs towards the source of the scream. I jump off Stark’s head and start flying towards the source. I cup my hands around my muzzle “Droxy?!Where are you?!” Suddenly the woods go quiet. I land on a branch and look around, my hand on a branch to keep me stable. Stark walks over to me. “Do you have any idea where she could be?” She asks me. I shake my head. I see something over the tree line and fly higher to get a better look. And what I see makes me want to leave as soon as possible. A high wall with barbed wire at the top, multiple buildings inside the walls, men and women walking around with weapons, its military base Delta. I thought it was destroyed. How does it look so new? I fly down to Stark and land on the branch next to her head. “Droxy is in there” I address her and point to the base. She nods and puts me on her head and starts running towards the base. The soldiers walking around outside hear us coming and aim their guns at us. I fly up and wave my hands around in the air. “DON’T SHOOT!!!” I yell at them, they all lower their weapons when they realize who I am. There’s 10 of them, all of them different ranks. The one on the far right puts her gun behind her and salutes “Sergeant Major Bloodlust! Sir!” The others do what she did. I’m so confused. I thought I was a colonel. I fly down and land in front of them and look at all of them. “At ease soldiers” They all put their hands behind their backs and look at me “I thought this place was destroyed. How did it get rebuilt so fast?” The soldiers look just as confused as me. The soldier on the far left finally speaks up “Sir? That Russian invasion happened 17 years ago.” Suddenly my heart drops and I nearly collapse. Stark runs up and puts her head on the ground to catch me. One of the soldiers runs inside and comes back with a medic. They both bring me inside. Before they bring me inside I order them to let Stark come inside. “Sir? Are you sure you w-” I grab the medic’s shirt and pull him in close. “Let.Her.In” He hesitates slightly and looks up at the watch towers and nods. The gates open and Stark walks inside with us. The medic and soldier bring me to the infirmary where I rest for a little while and fall asleep. I immediately get thrown into a nightmare and want to leave it as soon as possible. I’m in the Russian invasion again. Flying through the sky with Gummy in my arms, she’s shooting down at the soldiers below until I get shot in the wing again. I let go of her and we both plummet towards to the ground. The scream. That terrible scream that originated from her mouth. And I couldn’t do anything. My wing was shot and my vision was filled with black dots. I hit the ground hard and cracked my skull open. When I woke up I was in the closet with my MP5 that I picked up before I confronted Nikolai in the control room. I peek through a crack in the door and slowly slide the barrel of the gun through it, aimed right at Nikolai. I quietly cock the gun and after a few moments I fire, killing Nikolai. But now it wasn’t Nikolai. It was Gummy. I burst through the door of the closet and run to her and try to grab her but she disappears. I look around and I’m surrounded by darkness. And then all around me I hear them. The voices. All of the soldiers that had died in my unit. I start running, trying to escape. “You let us die” “You gave bad orders” “You watched us burn and bleed out.” They were trying to bring me down. I started running faster. Faster. Faster and finally ran out of breathe and collapsed. Holding my chest. Gasping for air. And then I see him. It’s Nikolai. He’s walking towards me with a flamethrower. “You should have listened to me” He says and the flamethrower comes alive and I start burning alive. I go to scream but nothing comes out of my mouth as I feel the flames consume me. I shoot up out of my bed, finally out of the nightmare. I’m breathing heavily and I feel my fur to see if it’s still there. No burn marks. At least not on me. I look around my room and see a huge scorch mark all around me on the floor. I get out of bed and finally remember where I am. I’m in my old room from before the attack. I walk over to my dresser and pick up a picture of me and everyone in my squad. Omega Squad. There’s Cal, Vat, Davit, JD, Kate, Allan, and me. I stare at the picture for a while and a knock at the door snaps me back to reality. I look behind me and see a sergal with orange and black fur. My heart sinks. It’s Reyzar’s son. “Blade?” I walk over to him and place my hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you enlisted.” I know him so well because Reyzar introduced me to him when we were able to go back home. He was so young then. Probably around 9 or 10. Now he looks like he’s in his 20s. “I did. I wanted to keep the family blood going for my family. When I found out my dad died in the Russian invasion 17 years ago I decided to enlist in the military so I could avenge him and make sure he didn’t die in vain.” I nod and he hugs me. I’m caught off guard but I hug him back. “I didn’t know it would be this bad. They have mechs, advanced fighters, advanced tanks, we don’t have the type of firepower to take out their machines.” He tells me and I wipe a tear away, trying to push away the memory of his father’s death. I wrap my wings around us. Trying to comfort him. I can tell he’s trying not to cry. I pet his back and gently push him away. “I might know someone who can help you” I tell him and I look around. “Do you have a phone I could use?” I ask him. He pulls his cellphone out of his pocket and hands it to me. I take it and dial a number and hold it up to my ear. I wait for someone to pick up. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four. It rings a final time before someone picks up. “Who is this?” I hear on the other side. “It’s Bloodlust. I need some help. Head to military base delta. Coordinates: 11 15 22 63.” The person on the other side of the line stays silent for a couple minutes. “I thought that place was destroyed…” I sigh “It was.” And hang up and give the phone back to Blade. He puts it in his pocket and looks at me. “Who was that?” I put on my green canvas hoodie and look at him. “Backup” I tell him and grab my old Model .459 Pistol from my nightstand drawer and strap it to my thigh. I walk past him into the hallway and start walking outside. He’s close behind me, an AR-15 strapped to his back. I look back at it. “AR-15. Just like your father.” I tell him and open the door outside and see a fighter jet hovering over the base. I wave at the jet and it lands at a landing pad. The back door opens and he walks out. Tan and white fur, green eyes, a black and red leather jacket with black jeans, and a small glow around him. Kylo “Shredder” Washington. My older brother. I walk up to him and we stare at each other for a few moments. “Kylo” “Bloodlust” After we say each other’s names, we both hug each other as tight as possible. I don’t want to let go. We haven’t seen each other in years. The last time we saw each other was when he was told to go to the S.S.A Syergo Space Frigate for 10 years. I haven’t had any contact with him ever since. He’s not allowed to have outside contact unless he gets promoted to a higher rank. Which he has. He slowly pushes me away and looks me dead in the eye. “How’s the USMC been little brother?” He asks me “Coulda been better” I say sarcastically. He rolls his eyes and punches my metal arm and then quickly grabs his hand in pain. He looks at my arm. “Have you been working out Blood?” I laugh and pull up my sleeve, revealing my metal arm. He looks at it and then at me, wondering what happened to my arm. “What happened to your arm?” I roll down my sleeve and when I’m about to speak Blade comes up behind me. “He got it shot off by a hostile Russian with a .338 Lapua heavy sniper rifle, hollow point rounds.” Kylo looks at me in shock. His eyes wide. I’ve seen this look before. I saw it when I told him I was enlisting in the USMC. It’s his ‘What were you doing?’ look. I sigh and take off my hoodie and put it on a table, resting my hands on it, I brush the hair out of my face, looking forward. “I was trying to save my squadron. We were going through the desert of Iraq, me in the front, Vat in the back, everyone else in the middle. Allan got shot in the arm, we all got down.” I wipe a couple tears from my eyes. “Vat was trying her best to patch him up. When I stood up to take out any of the hostiles that had opened fire at us it happened. The bullet hit my arm and suddenly it was gone. I fell to the ground, my arm next to me. JD and Kate picked me up and everyone ran as fast as they were able to checkpoint Alpha. Nikolai was there. He ran over and brought me to the infirmary. A grenade went off and suddenly he was gone. I searched and searched for him, that’s when he got ‘Killed’. I got a bullet to the head, lost my arm,” I turn around and hold my arms out, trying not to cry. “And now I’m here. Suffering from PTSD, a robotic arm, and I lost my entire squadron, and Nikolai. Turns out he was a Russian Spy.” I’m forced to lean against the table, my heart beating fast, Kylo walks over and places his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him, (He’s like 2 feet taller than me. Seriously! I’m 6 feet tall and feel short!) “I’m sorry all of that happened to you little bro. You don’t deserve to go through stuff like that. Is Geo ok?” He asks me. I nod and then something hits me like a bullet. Droxy. She’s still here. I grab Blade and pull him over to me. “Where is Droxy?” He looks really confused, like I’m talking in gibberish or something. “An orange and red dragon. Where is she?” He rips his arm from my grasp. “She’s in containment. She’s a danger to the base.” I give him a look that makes him regret what he said. I walk up to him and grab him by his uniform collar and pull him in close, my spade on my chest glowing black, I lean in as close as possible, my cybernetic arm ripping his uniform. “Where.Is.She.” He tries to escape but I turn around and pin him to the table, my wings out now, I know he’s afraid of heights, he always has been. I look him dead in the eyes, he can tell I’m irritated. “U-Underground. Lab 7B. C-Clearance code is 720381.” I let go of him and fold my wings, still looking him dead in the eye. “Where is this underground lab?” I ask him. He gets up and brushes himself off, he sighs as he sees his ripped uniform. “I’ll show you where it is” He starts walking towards what looks like the barracks, I look at Kylo and nod, he nods back and we both start following Blade. Kylo pats my back and I smile lightly, I’ve missed my older brother. I’ve missed his personality. He’s always been protective over me. If anyone were to hurt me, he’d hurt them way worse than they hurt me. When we were younger and lived with our parents, someone had broken into our home. I was the first one to wake up. I had walked downstairs and seen the burglar, he was trying to steal our family photos. I hid behind a wall and when I peeked out, he was staring right at me. Those bright red eyes, his green trench coat, the white fur, I didn’t know who it was but I feel like I’ve seen him before. I was frozen in fear and I couldn’t move. I heard footsteps come from upstairs and Kylo came running down the stairs, once he saw the burglar trying to keep me in place so he could hurt me, Kylo ran at him and tackled him out the window, we lived on a hill so they fell about 20 feet. I ran to the window and looked out of it to see Kylo and the intruder lying on the ground. I ran out the door and down the stairs to where Kylo was, I was scared out of my wits. I didn’t see him moving. I had ran up to him and saw cuts and bruises from the fall. I screamed for our parents and they came running downstairs to see what had happened. My mom nearly burst into tears when she saw Kylo laying on the ground. My dad pulled out his phone and called 911, I was hugging my older brother, crying into his chest, I was afraid that he wasn’t alive, until I felt his arm wrap around me and his chest start raising and lowering with his breathe. I looked up at him as tears streamed down my face. “I’m…Fine baby bro…Are you…Are you ok..?” He asks me. I nod and hug him tighter, my face buried in his chest as I hold him close to me. The ambulance can be heard in the distance. I don’t want to let him go. I want to go with him to the hospital. I want to make sure he’s ok. That he gets out ok. That whatever goes on the in hospital goes ok. “I want to go with you.” Kylo looks at our parents and nods, they nod back. “You…You can come with B…” He smiles as the paramedics come rushing over. They both lift him up and put him on a stretcher and bring him to the ambulance. I follow them and they let me get in the back of the ambulance with my brother. I sit on a bench next to his stretcher, holding his hand with both of mine, still concerned for his safety. I feel the ambulance buck as the driver starts it up. Kylo winces in pain as it bucks, I hold his hand tighter, trying my best to calm him. Keep in mind I’m only 6 when all of this is happening. I’m scared out of my mind. I just want him to be safe. He protected me. He saved my life. If he hadn’t of came down when he did, I would be the one in the stretcher. Kylo looks over at me, this is the calmest I’ve ever seen him. We lock our eyes and stare at each other for what seems like hours. Neither of us have ever been in the hospital. So we don’t know what to expect. I can tell he’s scared. But he’s trying to pull off that tough guy look. Like he knows what’s coming but he isn’t scared. He’s doing this for me. He doesn’t want me to worry. I smile and pet his head, he slowly reaches up and holds my hand, and right then and there, I knew what to do. I owed Kylo my life. We’re brothers. And we would never let someone hurt either of us. We had developed a bond that could not be broken. A bond that kept us together. All of a sudden I feel something hit my back and I’m brought back to reality. It was Kylo. We were at the lab. I wasn’t even paying attention to where we were. I rub my eyes to try to get used to the dim light of the underground. Blade puts in the code and the door slides open and the sight is horrifying. Droxy is passed out on a surgery table with tons of wires attached to her. Tons of weird substances that ive never seen before are being pumped into her blood. I run over to her and stand at her side. I’m worried as to what happened that made her this way. There isn’t anything that could do this to her. She’s too strong. I look around and don’t see any scientists. I go to pull one of the wires from Droxy’s body when I feel something cold against the back of my head. A gun barrel. A pistol. I slowly turn around to see a scientist with a white lab coat on, a .1911 put against my head. I look back and see Blade and Kylo both have M16s pushed against their backs. And then I realize something. These guys aren’t American. I look at the scientist behind me and when I go to speak he hits me with the handle of the pistol and knocks me out.

Part 2

The Syergo

When I wake up I’m in a cell. I look to my right and see Kylo in a separate cell, Blade to my left in another cell. I stand up and look around. We’re in a bulletproof glass cell. Reyzar had issued them to be made when we took POWs. I walk to Kylo’s side and knock on the wall. He’s out cold. I look over at Blade and he’s awake. He’s trying to find a way out. He looks up and sees a vent in the ceiling. He looks over at me and nods. I shake my head. Signifying that it’s too dangerous. He sighs and sits on the bench provided for us. I sit down on mine and cover my face with my hands. How could this happen? I thought this base was secure. How did Russians get in? I thought there were soldiers guarding the front gate. I don’t know what to do. We’re trapped. The only way out is if we were to be let out. But that isn’t happening anytime soon. I look over at Blade and we lock our eyes. We both don’t know what to do. Suddenly I hear something muffled come from Blade’s room and the door opens. A scientist walks in and Blade stands up. The scientist grabs him and Blade tries to get free. He’s squirming and trying his best to escape. Suddenly the fur on the end of his tail becomes as sharp as a sword and he swings it at the scientist and decapitates him. So that’s why his name is Blade. Another scientist comes up behind me and grabs me by my arms. I try to struggle to get free but I’m unable to. Blade runs out of his room and out the door of the cell block. I rip my metal arm free and punch the scientist right in the snout. He goes down and I run out of my cell to Kylo’s, I punch the keypad and the door opens, I run over to Kylo to try to wake him up. He’s not moving. He’s breathing but barely. The atmosphere. It’s too much for him. He’s used to being in space. I pick him up and grab a pistol from a counter and check the clip, fully loaded. I walk out of the cell block just as Blade comes running back with an M16. “I cleared the area ahead. Let’s go.” I nod and Blade gets under Kylo’s other arm and we begin carrying him out of the underground compound. I’m aiming my pistol ahead of us, making sure that there isn’t anybody ahead. Blade is doing the same. We finally make it out of the compound and we slowly make our way to the ship, stopping occasionally to hide from hostiles. I hold Kylo’s hand to the hand scanner in the back of the ship once we get there and the ship opens. We quickly go inside and rest Kylo on a bench in the back. I look at Blade and pat his arm. “I’m going back for Droxy.” I tell him and grab an M16 off the wall “I want to come with you” he says. I shake my head and point to Kylo. “You’re gonna have to stay here with him. It’s too dangerous. If anything seems out of place with him give him a dose of A-250.” He nods and sits next to Kylo. I run out of the ship and grab a knife from a table. I run back inside and see what I think is a hostile. I slowly run up to him, not making any noise and I grab him by his shoulder and spin him around, but when I go to stab him I see it’s a friendly. He puts his arms up until he realizes who I am and speaks in a hushed tone “Bloodlust?” I nod and give him my knife. “Can you be quiet?” He takes the knife and puts it in his knife holster. “Yes sir.” I wave my hand forward and we start walking forward towards where Droxy is being kept. We finally make it to where she is and I punch in the access code and the door slides open. A few scientists see the door open and aim their guns at the door, me and the soldier I encountered are on either side of the door, making sure they can’t see us. After a few moments I jump out and quickly kill the scientists with an M16 I picked up on the way, snapping between targets in rapid succession. After using about half the clip, we walk in and I run over to Droxy, who is still laying on the table with all of the wires and tubes still attached to her. I detach them and pick Droxy up. I give the soldier I encountered the M16 and tell him to clear the way ahead. He nods and does so. I slowly walk behind him, Droxy laid across my shoulders. Once we get out we’re forced to run to the ship. The Russians see us immediately and start firing at us. I take a bullet to my robotic arm and I yelp in pain but I keep running, Droxy still in my arms. I take another bullet to my wing, and another to my shoulder, but I keep running. I have to make sure Droxy and Kylo are safe. They can’t die. Not while I’m still alive. I make it to the ship and take one final bullet to my thigh and fall over, dropping Droxy onto the floor. Blade pulls a lever and the back of the ship closes. I’m on the floor, blood seeping out of my wing, leg, and shoulder. My arm isn’t functional and I’m forced to lay on the floor as I bleed out. My vision is hazy and I can’t move. I look up and Droxy is slowly waking up. Blade runs over to me and picks me up, resting me on the bench next to Kylo. Blade grabs a syringe with A-250 and injects it into Kylo. He immediately wakes up and sees my condition. “Bloodlust?!” He gets up and kneels down in front of me. I start to slowly pass out and he shakes me to keep me awake. “Stay with me baby bro. Stay with me dammit!! I can’t lose you the same way we lost Mom and Dad!!!” I try my best to stay awake. He can tell I’m losing blood fast and quickly gets up and runs to the cockpit of the ship. It slowly takes off and Droxy runs to the cockpit and tells something to Kylo. He nods and he starts flying to where the house is. Blade and the soldier are sitting next to me, Blade is working on my arm and the soldier is patching up my wounds with a med-kit he found. After about a half an hour we reach the house and the back hatch opens and Gummy and Geo run in. The hatch closes and Kylo takes off again. This time I know where were headed. The S.S.A Syergo. The frigate that Kylo has been on for the past 10 years. I pass out from the sudden change in speed. Surprisingly there is no nightmare. Just me sitting in darkness. I look around, confused as hell. I sit in this darkness for what seems like days, weeks, months, years. And then I finally wake up just in time to see the giant frigate. The S.S.A Syergo. It’s huge. With 46 hangers, 23 docking stations, 2,780 plasma turrets, and 20 engines in the back, each one the size of an NFL football stadium. Kylo docks at one of the hangers and a plasma barrier forms at the entrance, trapping the air inside. An airlock. I slowly look at Droxy, who is sitting across from me. She looks back at me and nods. She knows where we are. As Kylo lands the back hatch opens and he gets up and walks to me. He slowly picks me up and starts walking out of the ship into the hanger bay. Everyone else follows. Kylo tells everyone else to go to the mess hall and that we’ll meet them there. Geo walks up to me and kisses me before walking with everyone else. Someone walks up to all of them and looks at Kylo. “I’ve already told them the rules Donny.” The fur named Donny nods and starts leading them to the mess hall. Kylo brings me to the infirmary where a red and white wolf is standing at one of the lockers that has some medical supplies in it. Kylo calls his name but I’m unable to make it out. My ears are starting to become non-functional. The wolf walks up to me and brings me to one of the beds and lays me down. He grabs some sort of canister and attaches it to an injection gun and aims it right at my arm, he pulls the trigger and shoots some kind of soothing medicine into my arm. I immediately start feeling better. My wounds start healing 5x faster, my body feeling warm and my wings immediately becoming functional as well as my ears. I slowly look up at the wolf that injected the medicine into my arm. He sets the injection gun on the table next to the bed and checks my temperature. “Vital signs normal, temperature normal, breathing and heart rate stable, he’s healthy again” Kylo smiles and pets my head. “Thank you Fenri” The wolf nods and goes back to what he was doing beforehand. I look up at Kylo and hold up my hand to him, he grabs it and I hold him tight, I don’t want to let go. I can see that he’s missed me. I can see it in his eyes. He’s been gone for 10 years. If I lose him, I’ll be the only one left in my family. I start to tear up and Kylo hugs me. I wrap my wings around him and hold him close. “Brothers stick together” I tell him as we hold each other in the other’s arms. He smiles and looks up at me. “I’ll never leave you little bro. I promise.” I smile as well as Fenri taps on Kylo’s shoulder. He looks back at him “What is it Fenri?” He looks at his clipboard and looks back at Kylo “He’s good to go. You should bring him to the room that you ‘reserved’ for him. The one in sector 2.” Kylo nods and gets up and I swing my legs over the side and get up, amazed by how fast my wounds healed up. Kylo walks to the doorway and I follow him. “I’ll show you to your room.” I nod and fold my wings, not realizing that they were still open. I look behind me to see if I knocked over any expensive equipment. Thank god I didn’t. I wouldn’t want to get on Fenri’s bad side right after he healed me. Don’t think it’d be a good thing to have the medic mad at you while on a spaceship. Kylo nudges me and we start walking. The Syergo is huge. It spans more than 20 football fields. Took 43 years to finish, 22 years to come up with the plans so it could survive in space and survive teleportation between galaxies. It’s a magnificent spaceship. It would take a lot of power to bring this ship down. And if something were to happen, it has tons of different safety precautions. If there’s a major hull breach, the sector it’s in becomes an airlock. Trapping all the air in that sector. I learned all of this by looking at all of the plans of the Syergo that Kylo kept in his room back on earth. The ship really fascinated me and I wanted to learn more about it. So I studied it until Kylo was told to leave. We finally reach my room and Kylo punches a code into a keypad and the door slides open. I walk inside and see that it looks exactly like my room back in our parent’s home. Down to every inch. How did he remember what it looked like? I look at him in amazement. “How…?” Is the only word that I can get out of my mouth. Kylo smiles and pulls out a picture and hands it to me. It’s a picture of me and Kylo standing in my old room. It was right before he left. Our arms are over each other’s shoulders. I’m holding up my fingers like a finger gun and Kylo is smiling with one thumbs up. He’s dressed in his white and red Syergo uniform and I’m dressed in a football T-Shirt that says ‘Duluth East Greyhounds’ on it. I’m only 13 in the picture, Kylo is 18. He barely looks any different. He’s still got the same look in his eyes, the same happy, smiling face. I grab a staple gun and stable it to a corkboard that he hung up in my room. I look at Kylo and smile brightly. He’s leaning against the door with his arms crossed, smiling. “Come on” He stands straight “You should probably meet the captain of this ship.” I nod and walk to him and once I’m out of the room he punches the code back into the keypad. “Code is 639052. Talk to Don if you want it changed.” I nod and punch in the code and the door opens. I punch it in again and the door closes. Seems simple enough. I go to look at Kylo but he’s already half way down the hallway. I have to jog to keep up with him. I finally catch up to him and walk beside him. He looks at me and smiles. I smile back as we walk to the bridge, where the captain is. I look forward the rest of the way, walking past a few crew members that give me weird looks. They obviously know that I don’t belong here. I close my eyes and take a deep breathe, trying to calm myself down. I open my eyes again and we’re at the bridge. Kylo punches in another code and the door slides open just like mine. Inside there’s a leopard woman with a uniform on like Kylo’s. She’s looking at a bunch of screens that have a lot of stuff on them that I don’t understand. Kylo walks up behind her and taps her shoulder. “Katy? I believe you wanted to meet my little brother Bloodlust?” She turns around and smiles at me. She has long blonde hair that’s put into a pony tail, she has blue eyes and surprisingly white teeth. She walks over to me and shakes my hand. “Hello Bloodlust. I’m Katy. Captain of this ship. How are you feeling?” She asks me as I pull my hand back after shaking her hand. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” She nods and looks at Kylo. “I already showed him to his room ma’am.” She acknowledges what he said and starts writing something down on a piece of paper and hands it to Kylo. He reads it and looks at Katy, a look on his face that sends chills down my back. Somethings wrong. “I thought we had a truce with them!” She shakes her head and lowers it, frowning. “They broke the truce after killing the prime minister of the planet Zava. We’re at war again. We have to expect the worse. Prepare the weapons systems for battle. Execute order 97. I’m gonna announce it to everyone. You and Bloodlust make sure that the crew is safe. Get Don, Fenri, Ethan, Jared, and everyone else to safety. And don’t forget about my sister.” Kylo nods and walks out of the room. I walk out with him and the door closes behind us. Kylo is already walking down the hallway once I’m out of the bridge. I run up to him and look at him. “Kylo? What does she mean by ‘Execute Order 9-’” I get interrupted when he looks at me and closes my snout with his paw. “Get everyone to safety. I’ll get the crew ready to defend the ship. Be prepared to do anything that you hear over the speakers at a moment’s notice. Got it?” I nod and he lets go of my snout. He points down one hall and tells me to go that way. I do and once I’m halfway down the hallway we hear a muffled explosion come from somewhere in the ship. It shakes the entire thing and I have to grab onto the wall to keep myself stable. I look back at Kylo and he’s already gone. I stand back up and run down the hallway to my friends. I have to get to them as fast as possible. As I’m running down the hallway I hear crew members getting ready, shouting at each other to hurry up. They all watch me run past. I grab a pistol from a rack on the wall as I run. I’m running as fast as I can. Shoving through soldiers as another explosion rocks the ship. I finally reach the mess hall where all of my friends are. Droxy is holding onto the wall, Blade is holding onto a pipe hanging from the ceiling, Gummy and Geo are holding onto a table to steady themselves, the soldier that came with us next to them. “Follow me! NOW!” I yell at them and they stand up and follow me. I run down the hallway and they follow. I memorized the layout of the ship from the plans I studied. As I’m running Gummy catches up to me. “What’s happening?!” She yells over the sound of screaming crew members. “We’re under attack!” I yell to her. She stares at me as we run. I finally get to a certain room and press a button, the door slides open and everyone runs inside. I stay outside and look down the hallway. Gummy runs over to me and tries to pull me inside. I pull my arm free and push her in. “I’m going to find Kylo” She shakes her head “It’s too dangerous. We don’t know what or who is attacking us. Kylo can handle himself!” I shake my head and push her into the room and close the door. I run down the hallway, trying to find Kylo. Another explosion rocks the ship and I wonder if the weapons systems are even online. I turn down a hallway and see him. It’s Kylo, he’s in Close Quarters Combat with a hostile. I run at him and push him off of Kylo and knock him out by smashing his head against the wall. I look at Kylo and give him a pistol I picked up off the ground. He nods to me and we both run down the hallway towards the hangers. Suddenly an explosion knocks us to the side and I immediately grab onto a part of the wall and Kylo does the same. The wall that exploded isn’t there anymore. And we’re losing air fast. Kylo smashes a glass compartment and pulls out two air masks. He gives me one and I put it on. He puts on the other one and I immediately start breathing again. Kylo does the same. We use the wall to move towards the hanger. That’s where they got in. The hostiles got in through the hanger. We finally get there and when the door opens we get sucked into what used to be the hanger and into space. I start freaking out and try to move back towards the Syergo. But it’s impossible. I look at Kylo and he’s freaking out just as much as I am. I scream his name but he can’t hear me. But I don’t care. I can’t lose him. Not this way. I scream again at the top of my lungs and he looks at me and for a split second our eyes meet, and then it happens. He was there one second and gone the next. All I saw was red and a blur of black. I scream out his name but nothing comes out. A ship comes up behind me and someone grabs me and pulls me inside and closes the airlock. I shove off the person that grabbed me and run to the door of the airlock and look out the window just in time to see Kylo’s necklace float past the window. I quickly open the airlock and grab the necklace and quickly close it again. I stand in the airlock, holding the necklace in my hands. I turn it over and see the letters K and B on the back in a pair of wings. Kylo and Bloodlust. Brothers forever. I pull mine out of my shirt and hold it next to his. Mine has our names inside of a heart. I feel the tears come. They come quickly and I close my fist around the necklace. I start to cry and I yell as loud as I can before punching the wall of the airlock multiple times until my knuckles start bleeding. I eventually fall down to my knees, my hand resting against the wall as I cry uncontrollably. I can’t believe he’s gone. He can’t be gone. He can’t. I can’t do anything else but cry. And then I see the flashbacks of what happened and I want them to go away. They come in flashes. Me and him getting sucked into the hanger, him getting hit by the ship, the necklace floating past the window of the airlock. I lean back and yell again. I yell until I pass out. When I wake up I’m in a bed by myself. I look around. I’m back on the Syergo. I’m in my room. I get up and walk to the corkboard that has the picture of me and Kylo on it. I take it off the board and stare at it. His necklace is resting on the desk next to my bed. I pick it up and put it on, I grab a uniform and put it on and look in the mirror and see Kylo. I look taller, better built, I pull the necklaces out from under the uniform and stare at myself in the mirror. I’ve changed so much. I’m becoming my brother. I always thought I looked like him. I look at the picture of me and him and put it in my pocket. I breathe in heavily and walk to the door of my room and punch in the code. The door opens and I walk out. Crew members are working on the hull as I pass by. I don’t listen to anybody when they talk to me. I ignore everybody. I don’t care who it is. I get to the bridge and punch in the code and the door opens. I walk in and right up to Katy. I grab her shoulder and turn her around. She looks mad at first but then realizes who it is. “Bloodlust….I’m….I’m sorry about Kylo…” I shake my head and push her against the wall of the bridge by her neck with my elbow. The ace on my chest can be seen glowing dark black through my uniform. I’m staring deep into the captain’s eyes as I choke her with my elbow. “You ordered Kylo’s death. I know you did. Order 97 orders all important crew members to clear out all of the most dangerous areas of the ship. You told Kylo to go to Hanger Bay 19. You knew what happened in that hanger. YOU SENT HIM TO HIS DEATH!!!” I yell as I throw her across the room with my robotic arm. She hits a screen and it shatters. She gets up and holds up her hands, trying to keep me at bay. “B-Bloodlust, please. I didn’t know. I’m truly sorry for what happened to your brother. I really am!” She pleads to me as I walk towards her, my body is hotter than it was on earth and I pick Katy up by her neck. She squirms as I choke her with my robotic arm. I stare at her and then throw her at the wall before walking towards her again. “I will never forgive you for what you did to my brother.” I push her against the wall and pin her against it by pulling her knife from its holster and stabbing it through her uniform into the wall. She looks up at me, frightened by my strength. “I’m leaving the ship with my friends. If you try to follow us, I won’t hesitate to kill you.” I tell her as I get up and walk out of the bridge. I walk to where my friends are and gather them up. We all meet in Hanger Bay 16, where Kylo’s ship is. I walk inside his ship and start it up. Everybody walks inside and sits down in the back. As im starting up the ship Gummy walks over to me and places her hand on my shoulder. “Bloodlust…” I don’t pay attention to her and fly the ship out of the hanger and flip a couple switches, a portal opens and I fly the ship through. On the other side we’re back at the house. I land the ship and the portal closes. I shut down the ship and open the back. Everybody gets out and I walk to the house. I open the front door and go right for my room. I slam my door behind me and lock myself in my room for the rest of the day. Secluded from everyone else. I don’t want to talk to them. Losing him was too much. I haven’t seen him for 10 years and I finally see him again and he gets hit by a ship. I lay down on my bed and slowly fall asleep.

Chapter 3

“Home” (WIP)

#furries #writing

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