#she reinvents herself ever other month

[lilliemadoka]

wip where im just fuckin around with a new brush lol. won’t finish because I low-key hate it. anyway this is technically oc posting

her name is callie meteno and she’s a pokemon oc!

[panxramic]

I like the different interpretations of Tallulah’s hair color people have been sending me.

Her hair didn’t turn black JUST bc of q!Missa. It turned black because it’s the color of the wither roses her papa likes, it turned black because it matches the feathers on the back of q!Phil’s wings, her hair turned black because it’s the same shade as the crows that flock their home. Tallulah’s hair turned black because death is very much a part of her every day life. It turned black because she *likes* it. Tallulah’s hair is black because it resembles her whole life and the people she loves.

I like to refrain from attributing certain things about Tallulah solely to one person because people just end up turning her into an extension of others. Especially when people attribute certain features of hers to someone she hasn’t talked to in months and she has never seen as a father.

They already did it to her once before, and I’d hate to see it be done to her again. She’s more than that. She always has been.

Tallulah’s journey with self discovery and finding her place in the world has been a rollercoaster to watch unfold. She’s gone through so much to prove herself, she’s fought hard to show the world who she is and who she isn’t. She’s gotten lost in promises and old memories. Tallulah has struggled with her identity as it has always been heavily tied to family, and family on the island is important and complicated.

She’s come to a place where she finally feels comfortable. She finally feels like she belongs in this family and now she can continue that path of self discovery. Because there’s no greater feeling than that freedom of being able to decide who you are. Of being in such a comfortable spot in which she can explore different ways to express herself.

I don’t think this necessarily has been a HUGE issue, but it’s definitely one that has been in the foreground for a while and an added effect of her struggles in finding a place on the island. Because finding that place is also a part of WHO she is, it’s part of her identity.

I remember her getting upset that she was seen as an extension of him for months. It was all anybody would ever bring up around her. She was the egg that was left behind, she was the egg that didn’t have a father. She was the egg that was abandoned again and again. And it was hard trying to combat that, bc how do you work around something that is genuinely affecting you to your core? Something that felt so defining in your life?

Well I think she’s come far in showing that she’s more than that. That she’s not just the sad traumatized egg that was abandoned. She’s grown a lot, she’s found a new place. There’s still sore spots sure. She didn’t like being called the “trauma egg” because again, it’s something she’s been trying to move past from. She’s more than just her trauma, she’s more than the people and the things that have hurt her.

I think that yes her past is important, everything she’s gone through has molded her into the egg that she is. But she’s not just her past. Her past doesn’t control her, not like it used to at least. It’s important that she’s reinventing herself in a way. Because she’s changed a lot, but she’s still Tallulah. Not the same one we saw at the start, but it’s still her. And at this point in time she’s more herself than she ever has been.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

"I’ve spent a few years writing songs with little to no sense of direction, I think I’ve started to find my own sound again." Charlotte Wessels on restarting after Delain, dream collabs and why there are no guilty pleasures

Charlotte Wessels reinvented herself as a solo artist after leaving Delain in 2021

Since her shock departure from Delain back in 2021, symphonic metal star Charlotte Wessels has been working hard on a solo album, The Obsession, an ambitious record that Charlotte says showcases her “creative sweet spot”. 

Not only that, but she’s also been making monthly creations for fans and supporters of her Patreon, rescued a very cute dog and released two records via the Tales From Six Feet Under banner. Good grief. We put your questions to Charlotte about the split, finding inspiration in nature and, erm, turtles.

How interested are you in experimenting with genres, and which would be the most unusual one you’d like to try? Clockworkshrimp, Instagram 

“I’m very interested in experimenting with genres. Basically my last two albums consist of songs that vary wildly in genres: pop songs, fully electronic songs, metal songs… I even did a [dance subgenre] hardstyle track! I’ve spent a few years writing songs with little to no sense of direction, and I think I’ve started to find my own sound again. I’m in my creative sweet spot, but I’d love to do something classical or neoclassical.” 

Pick one person to: record a song, have a coffee, go on holiday with. Jessica Lleonart, Facebook 

“Ooh! I’d love to record a song with Trent Reznor, I love his work. For a coffee, I think Amanda Palmer; I love her and The Dresden Dolls. She really inspired me on my entire journey with Patreon and the art of asking for things, so I’d love to thank her. For a holiday I’d pick my partner and this sleepy dog back here. He’s a rescue dog called Legolas but we call him Lego.” 

Do you have other talents? Tonykumar7061, Instagram 

“Back in the day I was always hesitating about whether I would go in the direction of visual arts or music, and art is still something that I do every now and then just for relaxation. I love painting but I don’t know whether I would call it a talent! I also love writing, and gardening.” 

How do you handle creative blocks? Babs86, Instagram 

“I don’t want to say this out loud, because I feel like I’ll jinx it… but I haven’t had serious creative blocks yet. Especially now I’ve really trained myself so I have to release a song every month for Patreon. It might sound really crude, but if you’re ever stuck, just lower the bar! Don’t think about writing something amazing, just think about writing anything. Then even if it sucks there’ll be a little part that’s nice, and you can polish it and improve it.” 

Was it difficult to adapt after leaving Delain? Skinny_Vamp_Official, Instagram 

“Yeah, definitely. It was my life for 16 years, so of course there was that moment of ‘Now what?’ I knew I couldn’t fall into a black hole, I couldn’t dwell on it. I didn’t allow myself to as I didn’t want to let people down. It just took a lot of adaptation, but I’m so glad I had that safety net already of my fans. I don’t think I could have started again otherwise. I feel like I have to reintroduce myself now, the tension and the anticipation is so high. It all feels brand new again.” 

What guided you to write a novel for [side-project] Phantasma’s The Deviant Hearts? Would you ever be tempted to write another? Antonio Olivares Diaz, Facebook 

“The idea was to do a concept record. When you think of a concept album, you have to think about what the story is and usually let the music tell that story. It kept growing more and more detailed, so I basically bluffed and said, ‘You know what, I’ll just write a novella for it!’ It was fun and challenging and I might do it again one day.”

When did you first hear about Sophie Lancaster [who inspired Delain song We Are The Others]? Simon Parrock, Facebook 

“We were working on the album [also titled We Are The Others] in Stockholm in 2011, I think. I saw an animated video about her story and it grabbed me. I knew this was the story that we had to tell, because this is what happens when we judge books by their covers. I reached out to the Sophie Lancaster Foundation, because when you’re writing about an actual person who has family and friends grieving her loss, you have to be so sensitive, so I got permission from her family and we’ve worked with the foundation since.” 

What’s on your playlist right now? Evim0204, Instagram 

“A lot of Vola! We just announced a tour with them and I’m a big fan. I’m not afraid to admit that I saw that tour announcement and I slid into their DMs like, ‘May I suggest me to support?’ If you don’t ask you don’t get!”

How do you feel when people compare your music to bands like Nightwish, Within Temptation or Lacuna Coil? Tiago Ferraz, Facebook 

“I feel good about it, I love all of those bands! That’s great company to be in and it’s an accurate description. Anything is better than just lumping us in as ‘female-fronted metal’, you know? As musicians everyone likes to think, ‘Oh my god, I’m so unique’ but genres and comparisons help people who might be looking for similar things to find you. It’s a good thing.” 

What is your relationship with plants and nature, and does it help in your creativity? Renaud Bongiovanni, Facebook 

“I always find inspiration in nature. Sometimes I organise little writing camps for myself – I’ll go somewhere in a cabin in the woods. I’m so much happier when the sun is out, and when I can plant my little seedlings.” 

Hammer: Has it helped with your mental health at all? 

“Yes! A few years ago I was in therapy and taking SSRIs [Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, a commonly prescribed antidepressant]. I was learning about how certain connections in your brain have to regrow. I was very frustrated because I wanted progress to be faster, and at the same time I had these little plant cuttings and I was trying to regrow their roots in water. I visualised my own process mirrored to the little cuttings, and now they’re fully grown plants. It’s hope, it’s patience, it’s beauty.”

Who are your biggest influences outside of metal? Simon Edward McMurdo, Facebook 

“I love Sia, her voice gives me instant comfort. Florence And The Machine, Kate Bush, Tori Amos – my girls!” 

Was The Exorcism video inspired by Epica’s visuals? Will you collaborate with Simone Simons again? Baryn Abrahadabra-Vettel, Facebook 

“In a way it was, because we wore amazing wigs for the Sirens - Of Blood And Water video we collaborated on, and I wore the same model in a different colour for The Exorcism. Simone sings on a song called Dopamine on the new album. I originally released a version of it online and Simone messaged me saying it was her favourite song, so I asked her to sing on it for the album!” 

What was the most challenging and most rewarding aspect of filming The Exorcism music video? Nivi Morales, Facebook 

“I always tell myself I’m going to do it differently, but somehow whenever we record a video I end up wearing something super-uncomfortable and end up being super-cold. I had to lay on the floor with my bare back. The outfit was stunning but it was slightly too tight on me, so the next day I had scabs on my collarbones from how it was digging into my skin.” 

What was it like posing for Tim Tronckoe’s portraits book? Bindi Eyre, Facebook 

“It was wonderful. He worked on The Exorcism video too, and the portraits book set the wheels in motion for that. He had so many ideas and I love it. He’s very encouraging and enthusiastic and always an optimistic creative presence.” 

Do you like turtles? Larue Joseph, Facebook 

“I love all animals! Yes to turtles, with their shells, having your own house with you all the time? How wonderful! As well as my dog, I have two crows that follow me on my walks – having a crow army would be my dream. I feed them every so often and it’s working!” 

Are you nervous to go back on tour with a full band for the first time since the end of Delain? Eric Jacques, Facebook 

“Sort of?! I only just realised how long it’s been since we’ve done a full tour, and this is an intense tour; there’s a run of 10 shows without a day off and I’m not getting any younger! I’m always super-careful on tour – I don’t drink, I eat healthy. I try to get as much sleep as possible, but I’m mostly just really excited to go on tour with the boys again.” 

What guilty pleasures have you got in your music collection? Eddie Sinner, Facebook 

“I don’t have any! I’ll never be ashamed of my Spice Girls album or anything like that. No guilty pleasures – only true pleasures.”

The Obsession is out September 20 via Napalm. Charlotte Wessels tours the UK from November 22.

[shmowder]

Yeah, divorces are cool and funny, but how about the actual weddings? It seems to me that the wedding of any Utopian would be the return of Sodom to Earth, of varying severity. Andrey is a professional toastmaster for sure!

Oh god Andrey's wedding. He's reinventing the seven deadly sins and adding a couple more, custom made by yours truly.

Words can never do it justice. If that man pops crystals on a regular Tuesday, I dread knowing what is considered sufficient for a once in a lifetime event like a wedding.

Andrey's bachelor party brings the flood back to wipe earth before the actual wedding happens. Of course you're invited, he's not going to slut it out there alone without you? It's his wedding and he will cherry pick which customs to follow and ignore.

The Utopians as a whole really know how to party- A wedding for one of them is just a chance for each of them to outshine one another. Everything is a competition to be THE main character in the room, especially another person's wedding.

Now the honeymoon? They are 100% taking you away from this dusty old town to a different more exciting place, if not a different country to begin with. Places which will put the Capital to shame.

One month, two or even 5 if the mood strikes them. They have no obligations and they're enjoying this love paradise with you. Whenever it becomes dull they'll finally decide to go back to the town.

While they all share the need to show off and have their wedding go down in history, each of their weddings is vastly different and reflects their inner personality... and biggest sin.

Starting off with pride! and none other than Maria Kaina herself. The town is her playground. The world bends down if she gives the word.

Preparations for her wedding will begin a year in advancement, and the two of you will go on many trips to the capital to get your measurements taken and have the best tailors at your beck and call. She truly plans on looking like a god on her wedding day.

Maybe even orders for a new building to be made just for her to have her wedding in. Carpeted red floors and glittering crystal chandeliers. The two of you get your portrait painted on that day, and it's hanged at the entrance of her wing in the crucible. Everyone in town is invited to marvel and gawk at her and her untouchable spouse.

Oh and if you start hearing voices in your head afterwards, do not worry it's just her "immortal" relatives saying hello before going back to their own focus.

Or on a more artistic note, an experimental wedding with Peter Stamatin. Maybe resembling envy? He plans everything by the hand and designs concepts that are so abstract and far off from reality. Instead of the cathedral, the wedding should take place in the cemetery. Only a handful of people are invited–including grace as the flower girl–it's in the dead middle of the night under a full moon. Actually scratch that, that man is so extra he'd wait for a full eclipse to have his wedding under.

The ring is the truly main event, he designed it himself. It took so long searching for a jeweler that could weild it without a single mistake. So many prototypes and failed attempts thrown in the dust. Making this become a reality cost more than the entire combined town income in a year.

Of course that jeweller is dead now, why do you ask? Anyway the ring's catch is that it can never, ever be removed. Unless the finger gets cut off, of course. it's as permanent as the bones in your body and even after you die it will remain etched onto your skeleton for eternity.

Yeah he has a matching pair, duh.

The list goes on, lust and Andrey, Greed and Vlad, Sloth and Eva.

[the-coffee-fandom]

✨ Nimona Fic Recs ✨

A good handful of Nimona fics I really enjoyed (I especially suggest the bottom three)

As The Rain Continued To Fall (Complete)

Rated G - Hurt/Comfort

Ballister x Ambrousois

It was the middle of the night, and it was dark, and he was Awake.

A night, after the end of the Movie. Ballister, alone with his thoughts.

Ashes Of The Hearth (Incomplete)

Rated T - Hurt/Comfort

Ballister x Ambrosius & Nimona

Nimona knows her power. Knows her limits.

Well, most of them.

Sidewalk Reinventions (Complete)

Rated G - Hurt/Comfort

Ballister & Nimona

Nimona, the Best and Most Renowned Shapeshifter in the World, or: a chronicle of the shapes Nimona takes through the years.

Happiness Found In You (Complete)

Rated G - Fluff

Ballister & Nimona

Here’s some fluff for that sad little man with the baby girl eyes

Following the ending of the movie!!

Not A People (Complete)

Rated G - Hurt/Comfort

Ballister & Nimona

Nimona always has a habit of getting injured during fights but nobody has ever worried about her, that is, until Ballister Boldheart came around.

(I’m) The Monster Under Your Bed (Complete)

Not Rated (G rating content) - Angst With Happy Ending

Ballister x Ambrosius & Nimona

Be it simple curiosity, or something deeper, one day Ballister asks Nimona a question

He's not ready for the answer.

Late At Night (Complete)

Rated G - Hurt/Comfort

Ballister x Ambrosius & Nimona

Nimona is still getting used to Ambrosius, it helps that Ballister loves him very much.

Twenty Seven Thousand Years Of This (Seven More To Go) (Complete)

Rated G - Hurt/Comfort

Mentions of: Panic attacks and PTSD

Ballister & Nimona

“Shhh, stop. Stop, it’s okay,” The voice soothes, now, hands hovering above her head, already formed into the shape of her hair, but doesn’t dare to touch her. “Nimona—listen to me. You’re home. You’re alright.”

Home. Noun. Four letters. Two syllables. But what the fuck does it mean to a girl who’s been a deer and a fish and a shark and a dragon and somehow in the end, despite all of that, nobody at all? What the fuck does it mean to a girl who’s seen the moons change its shape too many times over and brought fire to every valley where her baby feet steps?

or: violent nightmares aren't new to nimona. what's new is the pair of arms that holds her regardless, and a place that normal people call home.

Enough Courage To Trust (Complete)

Rated G - Fluff

Ballister x Ambrosius & Nimona

Nimona and Ambrosius don't really like each other, let alone trust each other. One of those days, they finally get a chance to bond - through kicking ass and having pizza.

Me And The Devil, Walking Side By Side (Complete)

Rated G - Hurt No Comfort

Gloreth & Nimona

On her seventeenth birthday, Gloreth sets out into the forest to finish what she started.

Or, one possibility for how the knights came to be.

Kiss It And Make It Better (Complete)

Rated G - Fluff

Ballister & Nimona

After Ballister removes the arrow from Nimona's leg, she decides she kinda enjoys the attention.

Stick Figure Stones (Complete)

Rated G - Hurt/Comfort

Ballister & Nimona

The first time Ballister came across the well, he was drowning.

Or; I thought "what if Bal found the well" and wrote this in like an hour and a half :>

A Glimpse Of What I Call Home (Complete)

Rated G - Fluff

Ballister & Nimona

Ballister realizes his dream of having a family has already been granted, after a minor slip up from Nimona during casual conversation.

Eight Months Later (Incomplete)

Rated T - Hurt/Comfort (but highlight the hurt)

Mentions of: Su*c*de, Panic Attacks, and PTSD

Ballister x Ambrosius & Nimona

Nimona’s alive. Ballister wants her to know how much people love her. He takes her to her memorial.

It doesn’t go great.

My Glory Is Yours (Complete)

Rated T - Angst With A Happy Ending

Ballister x Ambrosius & Nimona x Gloreth

Eight years after the fateful incident with Nimona, Gloreth makes a wish to fix things by the old well where they met. To her surprise, she finds herself 1000 years in the future.

[autistic-beshelar]

pillars of eternity ask for ylva, 1, 2, and 12 <3

yippee yay!

what is your watcher's class? how does it relate to their backstory?

so this is a fun one out of universe bc on my first playthrough ylva was actually a ranger and she had a wolf! after learning more about the lore and doing another playthrough, i decided to make her a rogue, but i'm keeping the original class as part of her backstory

she's glamfellen, and grew up with her clan, and one of her roles was as a hunter, as well as a mender and skinner. most hunting of larger game was done with bow and arrow, and she was fairly skilled, and also had interest in crafting the bows, using the blade to shape them - though she wasn't yet permitted to. many of the hunters also knew how to fight in close quarters, as the land is perilous, and when necessary ylva used blades for that rather than the bow.

when she left the land by trade ship, she left her bow behind, but brought her daggers. she had little use for the bow, it having always been a tool for hunting, but she picked up many skills in the blade as a sailor, whether for fighting or for crafting.

and then in deadfire she fucken dies as comes back as a cipher. rogue/cipher SLAPS to play, and i really liked the idea of her coming back different, as becoming a cipher being a sort of progression of her watcher abilities, only gained by having lost herself.

2. what is your watcher's disposition?

mostly benevolent, generally honest (though a bit more deceptive by deadfire), often rational, and diplomatic when necessary, though she's not necessarily that good at it - despite being away from home for half her life, she's never quite gotten that hang of social rules. there's some stoic thrown in there, as her demeanour is stoic, but she certainly isn't emotionless.

she's very rarely aggressive - she's not a hot headed person, and if she's aggressive to you then you've really earned it, and she will still typically display it in a very stoic way (see: her miming dragging a knife across her throat to lord gathbin, direct eye contact, unblinking, dead expression.) the only time she was ever cruel was to the harbingers at the very end of beast of winter bc she was absolutely going the fuck through it.

she's occasionally clever, though it's usually to tell a dumb joke with a completely straight face (see: her, an elf, standing next to aloth, an elf, "i have never seen any elves.") and i don't think she's ever had any passionate dialogue - while she is passionate about things, she's usually quiet and calm about it.

12. what does your watcher think about the gods?

boy.

well the tl;dr of her backstory, religion wise, is that she grew up in a clan that of course worshipped rymrgand, and for the first few years of her life she believed in him very strongly. then some Things happened, and her feelings started to change. she no longer saw the comfort in finality, and longed to seek beginnings. she was somewhat drawn to berath, as someone who was already so surrounded by death, who understood its place and importance and necessity, but berath also promised change, and hope, and reinvention. she never worshipped berath has she once did rymrgand, but she's always felt a connection to them.

as for the other gods, she's always respected them the same way she respects nature. eothas gifts us the light months, and ondra gifts us the shining darkness, and magran gifts us our light and our warmth.

except skaen fuck that guy.

things changed when she met them. but not completely. she certainly saw them more as people, as individuals, rather than the concepts she'd always known them as, and they felt to her very much like a family at war with itself.

she sees them as incredibly powerful people who cannot help being what they are. in some ways she still has some respect for them - for abydon particularly, and for berath, who she feels a kinship with now more than ever. (despite the circumstances, despite that she did seek her freedom, she felt like something was stolen from her when eothas took berath's chime from her. it should have been her decision, not his.)

but she also despairs that these... creatures, these amalgamations of souls, have shaped so much of their world. she doesn't want them to die, she doesn't even necessarily want them to leave altogether - though she certainly fucking despises skaen, and woedica, and has very, very little patience for ondra - she just wants... freedom. that's always been her wish, really.

she sympathised with eothas, but in the end he was only acting as the god he was made to be - fulfilling his role as redemption, without any real acknowledgement of the autonomy of all those he claims to care for, without any regard for the death his actions will bring.

uhhh lets end this on a happy note. mmm she still thinks religion is important! the gods may be messy, complex beings, and religion may be deeply flawed, but she knows how important it is to have faith, to have community. she was quite inspired by how much waidwen affected eothas, and wonders if it's possible for people to shape the gods - if they were created by people, can they not be recreated? she's also inspired by tekehu's devotion to ngati, despite her own conversations with the goddess leaving an incredibly sour taste in her mouth. and she wonders if with all his faith and charm and power, he can shape her the way he shapes water.

[evesaintyves]

989 words, for @remadoramicrofics prompt "haunted."

Read it below or on AO3 🎸

Tonks's old bedroom floor is a mess of rumpled t-shirts and her rattiest underpants. Five days since Remus took off his ring, knotted the strings on his traveling case, and told her he'd made a terrible error. All she's done is sleep. She dozed off on the macrame throw pillow and it left a crisscross red rash on her cheek, went downstairs before she noticed, and her Dad gasped, "Dora?" 

She just fled back upstairs without breakfast.

It's not even her throw pillow. Mum has snuck them in her old room sometime since she's been gone. Other things, too, an elegant white bowl to hold all the knuts and plastic hair clips and ticket stubs that were scattered across her chest of drawers. Mum's things, minimal and clean, make Tonks's stuff, the fairy lights and the thrashing band posters, seem like they're trying too hard. It's just like her last year at school, the stress-cracking of all the faultlines between who she is and who she is supposed to be. She was constantly reinventing herself back then—a new chin, a chelsea cut, a ring in her eyebrow. But she's not the only one in charge of her body anymore. It's making decisions without her.

And it's so shit to want Remus here to settle behind her on her squeaky old bed, tuck his bony knees into the parenthesis of her legs, stroke his skinny fingers up her arm and say, like he does, that he's sorry—but at the same time to want to scream at him so hard he vapourizes into a fine red mist.

In the afternoon, her mother does her two-tap no-time-to-pull-your-knickers-up knock and comes in with cups of tea.

"Your father tells me you've been looking ill."

"I'm not."

Andromeda sits on the side of the bed.

"You were a terrible pregnancy," she says. "I'd have sworn you were trying to fight me from the inside."

Tonks pulls her knees to her chest. "This one's a scrapper. I can tell already."

Andromeda smiles into her cup.

Tender moments have a way of making Tonks show her belly. Her mother doesn't say much, just sits and keeps her company, and before long Tonks is compelled to overshare. That she isn't even sure Remus ever really loved her, but maybe loved an idea of her that she led him on into believing while they were still just awkwardly clicking teeth in stolen moments at headquarters; an idea worn smooth and shiny by those months they were apart.

Almost as soon as she married him she was up the duff and puking, breaking out in spots faster than she could morph them away. Still having dreams that Sirius was just tilting on his heels—suspended in the moment he might have been saved—waking up choking. Remus seemed perturbed that she could spend hours staring at the telly, not watching, just trying to shush the noise in her head. It seems so stupid now, but she'd really thought that he, of all people, would understand.

"My mother used to tell me," Andromeda says, "that I'd better stop all my moping about, that men don't care for girls who brood. And that I'd never get married and out of her hair, acting that way."

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything. I made a plan and then I climbed out my window in the middle of the night. Your father picked me up in his old car and took me to his parents' flat—you know the story. Let me tell you, Nymphadora—" She pins Tonks with a look. "—how much brooding I did in his old bedroom. I was a wreck. The room smelt of some horrible potion he used on his model railway. The carpet crunched underfoot. And I was worried about what was going to happen to—to some of the people I left. I was crying every night. Waiting until your grandparents left for work in the morning to creep into the kitchen like a ghoul. I had..." She pulls her posture up straight. "Difficulty adjusting, at first."

Tonks's throat is getting tight, and tears are needling the rims of her eyes. It's not just that she's grabbed for that kind of love story and missed; it's also that her mother never talks to her like this—spilling the way Tonks sometimes does, talking fast, saying things she probably shouldn't. It makes the world feel all the more unfixably cracked.

"Dad—Was Dad...?" Tonks can't even finish, her voice is cracking and squeaking. She curls forward and hides her face in her mother's sleeve.

"He'd lie with me—and touch my hair. He used to tell me if I didn't eat I'd disappear and it was going to be very difficult to explain to the officiant why he had an invisible bride."

She says it gently, sadly, as if she knows what it'll do to Tonks, and she's right. It's full waterworks now, the type Tonks has always sworn she wasn't going to do over a bloke. It's coming out her eyes and nose, it's thick and salty in her mouth, it's getting all over her mum's silk blouse. She's going to hate that. Tonks flops back against her pillows, sniffling, wiping her face with her palms, automatically morphing the puffiness out of her eyelids.

Her mother turns to inspect the shiny web of snot Tonks has left on her sleeve. Her face gets that pinched, long-suffering look for just an instant. Then she takes Tonks's empty cup of tea and stacks it in her own, and tucks Tonks's feral bedhead back behind each ear with her cool fingers.

"Supper's at seven," she says. "Your father's trying out a lasagna."

She shuts the door behind her when she goes, and it's just Tonks and the frenzy of the rock bands on her walls: forever joyfully flailing, forever faithful to their own silent beat.

image: egon schiele, woman lying on her back

[randomfoggytiger]

Hey there! I saw your post about sending you prompts. And since I've been following your first Fictober with great excitement, I couldn't help but comply with your request. If this isn't what you're looking for, please just ignore it:

Scully contemplates the ever-changing meaning of her cross. From getting it from her mother to Mulder wearing it when she was missing to her getting it back from Mulder after her abduction.

Thank you for writing!

Thank you for the prompt! Here we go~!

"Watch Over You Wherever You Go"

(Fictober, Day 28)

*****

Maggie watched Dana reclaim her necklace, under no illusions that her baby girl embraced it for its old purposes: a symbol of her childhood religion. (The quick look Dana gave to and away from the Catholic devotion beaming in her eyes laid that hope to rest.) 

For now. 

As a girl, her daughter had been a little tomboy. She'd swung ropes and thrown rocks (but had drawn the line at spitting) with the best of them-- the change began when an innocent snake had died by her own hands. Dana withdrew, crushed; and started asking questions about God, about Heaven, about being locked out forever because she’d done a bad thing. So, Maggie purchased cross necklaces for both her girls and gifted them at Christmas. Dana was awed, grateful, joyful (Melissa not so much); but she got into the habit of fiddling with it, twisting it around, and it was broken within a matter of weeks. By the time Maggie bought her a birthday necklace barely two months after the first, little Dana was determined not to break it, curbing her more fractious impulses and slowly shedding her rough and rowdy tomboy habits like a second skin. 

Teen years were tough for her baby: Dana had braces and seemed more interested in sneaking onto the porch with her mother’s smokes than any particular boy at school. Maggie was glad she’d figured things out by her senior year-- Marcus-- before she headed off to college, taking the second necklace with her. 

Collegiate Dana had wanted to find herself; and Maggie knew that would include questioning her childhood faith. The day she'd been dreading was the day her daughter spent the holidays Christmas shopping with Melissa instead of joining the rest of the family for Mass; but she knew God was just, Dana was good, and that everything would work itself out in the end. All the same, it was that day when Maggie sensed the necklace had been reinvented: a symbol of Dana’s love for her mother, not for a shared god. 

When Dana dropped out of medical school, Maggie had been as incensed as her husband: medical school expenses, years seemingly down the drain, and a dangerous, lower-paying career to boot. It was one thing for Dana to play with her soul and another to play with her safety. Nothing they said could convince or deter her. Everyone had an opinion, and her daughter was fiddling, twisting her necklace again. Then Melissa arrived. Scolding her family into peace, she promised her parents to have a talk with-- "only a talk"-- her little sister before they all parted ways.  

Dana recruited anyway. And after a year on the field and a few months back in the labs, she was gone. 

Then Maggie met Fox Mulder; and he'd surprised her by handing over her daughter’s necklace, subtly apologizing for having to ask about something so fundamental to his partner. She’d admitted Dana's lack of faith while staring at her cross; and tried to assure Fox this wasn't his fault, trusting him with its safekeeping.

And now here they were, on the other side of death. 

Maggie kept her eyes fixed on her baby girl, knowing Melissa would fill her in on the nuances of the young couple later. Dana’s forefinger and thumb were already inching up to her necklace, subconsciously waiting for Fox’s second exit before fiddling, twisting like old times-- as if she feared he’d catch her doing the wrong thing in a moment of weakness.  

Maybe that’s why she left the faith, Maggie realized, staring at the exhaustion puddling under her daughter’s eyes. Perhaps Dana felt she wasn’t good enough; and that the faith would reject her. 

Perhaps that was why she was striving here, even on her hospital bed, to be a rock of strength for Fox. He, at any rate, accepted everything about his partner, even forgave the sense of failure weighing her down; and her daughter came alive under his gentle smiles and encouragement. 

Fox left; and Maggie followed his lead, gathering up Melissa so Dana could be left in peace. They all needed time to sort through their emotions in private; and she, for one, had a lot to examine in-depth. 

The image of Dana cradling her cross and staring at Fox like he’d hung the moon burned itself into her mind-- Maggie knew, as clearly as if it had been said, that the necklace was no longer a connection between herself and her daughter. It was now a lifeline between Dana and her partner, forged over the months and miles they'd survived apart. Not that this was a surprise-- it was exactly what she'd intended, months and miles ago when she’d handed her little girl’s necklace back to Fox. “When you find her, you give it to her”, and she’d meant for the rest of your lives. 

And beyond, Maggie mentally added. After all, she believed in the goodness of God.  

*****

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

Tagging @today-in-fic and @xffictober2023 and @fictober-event

[rockislandadultreads]

LGBTQIA+ Pride Month: Romance Recommendations

Solomon’s Crown by Natasha Siegel

“A pair of thrones between us, and my heart clutched like a rosary within his hands ...”

Twelfth-century Europe. Newly-crowned King Philip of France is determined to restore his nation to its former empire and bring glory to his name. But when his greatest enemy, King Henry of England, threatens to end his reign before it can even begin, Philip is forced to make a precarious alliance with Henry’s volatile son—risking both his throne, and his heart.

Richard, Duke of Aquitaine, never thought he would be King. But when an unexpected tragedy makes him heir to England, he finally has an opportunity to overthrow the father he despises. At first, Philip is a useful tool in his quest for vengeance... until passion and politics collide, and Richard begins to question whether the crown is worth the cost.

When Philip and Richard find themselves staring down an impending war, they must choose between their desire for one another and their grand ambitions. Will their love prevail, if it calls to them from across the battlefield? Teeming with royal intrigue and betrayal, this epic romance reimagines two real-life kings ensnared by an impossible choice: Follow their hearts, or earn their place in history.

Love & Other Disasters by Anita Kelly

Recently divorced and on the verge of bankruptcy, Dahlia Woodson is ready to reinvent herself on the popular reality competition show Chef’s Special. Too bad the first memorable move she makes is falling flat on her face, sending fish tacos flying—not quite the fresh start she was hoping for. Still, she's focused on winning, until she meets someone she might want a future with more than she needs the prize money.

After announcing their pronouns on national television, London Parker has enough on their mind without worrying about the klutzy competitor stationed in front of them. They’re there to prove the trolls—including a fellow contestant and their dad—wrong, and falling in love was never part of the plan.

As London and Dahlia get closer, reality starts to fall away. Goodbye, guilt about divorce, anxiety about uncertain futures, and stress from transphobia. Hello, hilarious shenanigans on set, wedding crashing, and spontaneous dips into the Pacific. But as the finale draws near, Dahlia and London’s steamy relationship starts to feel the heat both in and outside the kitchen—and they must figure out if they have the right ingredients for a happily ever after.

I’m So (Not) Over You by Kosoko Jackson

It's been months since aspiring journalist Kian Andrews has heard from his ex-boyfriend, Hudson Rivers, but an urgent text has them meeting at a café. Maybe Hudson wants to profusely apologize for the breakup. Or confess his undying love... But no, Hudson has a favor to ask--he wants Kian to pretend to be his boyfriend while his parents are in town, and Kian reluctantly agrees.

The dinner doesn't go exactly as planned, and suddenly Kian is Hudson's plus one to Georgia's wedding of the season. Hudson comes from a wealthy family where reputation is everything, and he really can't afford another mistake. If Kian goes, he'll help Hudson preserve appearances and get the opportunity to rub shoulders with some of the biggest names in media. This could be the big career break Kian needs.

But their fake relationship is starting to feel like it might be more than a means to an end, and it's time for both men to fact-check their feelings.

Sizzle Reel by Carlyn Greenwald

For aspiring cinematographer Luna Roth, coming out as bisexual at twenty-four is proving more difficult than she anticipated. Sure, her best friend and fellow queer Romy is thrilled for her--but she has no interest in coming out to her backwards parents, she wouldn't know how to flirt with a girl if one fell at her feet, and she has no sexual history to build off. Not to mention she really needs to focus her energy on escaping her emotionally-abusive-but-that's-Hollywood talent manager boss and actually get working under a real director of photography anyway.

When she meets twenty-eight-year-old A-list actress Valeria Sullivan around the office, Luna thinks she's found her solution. She'll use Valeria's interest in her cinematography to get a PA job on the set of Valeria's directorial debut--and if Valeria is as gay as Luna suspects, and she happens to be Luna's route to losing her virginity, too . . . well, that's just an added bonus. Enlisting Romy's help, Luna starts the juggling act of her life--impress Valeria's DP to get another job after this one, get as close to Valeria as possible, and help Romy with her own career moves.

But when Valeria begins to reciprocate romantic interest in Luna, the act begins to crumble--straining her relationship with Romy and leaving her job prospects precarious. Now Luna has to figure out if she can she fulfill her dreams as a filmmaker, keep her best friend, and get the girl. . . or if she's destined to end up on the cutting room floor.

[ziggyevenstar]

i don’t know how someone who messages you first thing in the morning, studies with you in the library before class, sits next to you in class, someone you walk to her dorm room after class, someone you talk to when you get home about cases and school stuff— could just become some stranger you’re shy to even send a message to.

a few years ago, Q unfriended everyone else in our friend group except for me. i’d like to think it was because law school for her was a toxic part of her life and we were a part of it so naturally she wanted to switch schools and let go of us too. i also like to think she didn’t unfriend me because we were the closest. we were— everyone knew that. she was never anywhere without me and i was never anywhere without her. still, there was this part of me that thought, “maybe she just forgot to unfriend me too”. she never replied to me for years (to all of us). i didn’t even know we were graduating the same year. i found out the same day we had our graduation. that was the first time in a long time we talked, and i kept pretending that nothing changed: law school was toxic for her, she wanted to reinvent herself, and whatever she was doing— cutting us off— it was all for her mental well-being. that’s all it was. and i respect that.

a few months ago i messaged her and we made plans. i don’t want to go into details about it but basically she offered to do this thing with me and i accepted. she made a commitment to me that entails us living together for almost a month. by this time i started to feel like we’re no longer the same people who were best friends but i was positive we could pick up where we left off. i messaged her last week about it because the deadline’s tomorrow and i have to know some details about this thing. she didn’t reply. the worst part was i was left on read. she didn’t even bother to just long press my message. i understand if she changed her mind, i understand if she got anxious, i understand if she realized that she didn’t want to live with me for a month— but i mean at least let me know. also she shouldn’t have offered. i messaged other people a few hours ago if i could join them instead, they all answered within a few minutes and said i could join them. so i guess problem solved. i just never had an experience like this and it’s awful to feel so much disappointment towards a friend,,, like i’m sorry but there’s no sweeping this under the rug, there’s no being mature about this, do not talk to me ever again

[lordrataxesofrhinoland]

been thinking a lot about coco lately

ok so here goes: I feel like the reason I find her so easy to dislike is because of something I call “the Tiff Effect” (named after Tiff from the anime Kirby: Right Back At Ya, whose writing suffers from the same issues). Basically, the people who write Crash dialogue are not confident in their ability to write female characters, so they basically just give Coco no negative traits and rarely put her in peril so as to not appear sexist. On top of that, she’s paired with a main male protagonist who doesn’t speak, so she kind of has to cover for the both of them, being forced into a somewhat parental role. It doesn’t help that she’s also supposed to be this super genius, so any kind of writing that reflects her age, especially with regards to life experience, is bound to feel incongruous when compared to her prowess at building and operating contraptions.

I don’t think anyone really understands who Coco is meant to be. Just look at the way her design has changed over the years, a reflection of the evolution of beauty standards for teenage girls. I get a sense that she is written according to the impossible standards set for this group, too- endlessly peppy, vaguely quirky, smart and yet considerate, goofy but never cringe, always undoubtedly femme and heterosexual. Still, I think this constant reinvention of the self might be a good starting point for understanding this character.

She’s 14. At 14, Coco doesn’t know who she is yet, but by escaping her life as a test subject in a lab, she has just been given a new outlet to try. She barely knows what a woman is, but she knows that she is one, and she has a budding, blossoming sense that she likes that fact. However, she has the same problem that the devs who created her did- too many men, not enough women. She needs a parent and a role model and neither Crash nor Aku Aku (nor Crunch, when he comes on the scene) are equipped to be one, so she kind of has to raise herself. It’s okay, she’s used to it. She raised herself in the lab after all. Coco falls headlong into her inventions and obsessions, things she knows it’s okay for her to like in this hellish 90′s media atmosphere- machines, computers, technology. She creates the- whatever that thing in Wrath of Cortex was, I don’t feel like looking it up- because she knows that it’s helpful, that it will impress her male relatives, which is important because she’s kind of young, and kind of needy, and kind of emotional, and kind of girly... and they never say anything to her about it, because truthfully they’re kind of scared of her, but Coco worries anyway that maybe if she just does the wrong thing once, they might leave her forever.

Tawna left her forever, after all. The only woman Coco ever could get close to, even though they were only really “close” for a few months and that was only really because Tawna was dating Coco’s older brother. But it was enough to show Coco what femininity was, what a beautiful woman was supposed to be, and it was enough to make her realize that she liked it. 

So she starts playing around with makeup. That’s why she has such wild eyeshadow in Crash 2 and 3. And Crash and Aku Aku can see it, but what are they going to do? Tell a girl how to be a girl? So they don’t say anything, and Coco’s free to try everything herself- she tries the kiddie look, she tries the trad look, she tries the sexy engineer with the crop top look (but not too sexy after all... she feels ashamed to act like that around her brother). And it feels really cool and freeing to do this, because she knows the other girls (you know, the ones on tv who go to school and have friends and crushes and) get yelled at all the time by their moms, and it’s cool that she doesn’t get policed on what to wear, but also it kind of doesn’t feel cool that no one seems to care. And she also kind of worries that they’re thinking about it but they won’t tell her for some reason, and she doesn’t know why they won’t care enough to tell her what they think of her. But whatever, she’s cool. She’s cool. She knows she’s cool. 

And Coco saw the way Crash leaned on Tawna like a crutch and she knows that Tawna didn’t like that and that was why she left but Coco still kind of feels a little bit like Tawna was being unreasonable, because picking up after Crash and talking for him and being there for him when he’s taking his lumps isn’t really so bad, and it’s actually kind of worth it, and it makes Coco feel good to be like a housewife and a mom, because Crash and Crunch and Aku Aku wouldn’t have anything like that otherwise, and they’re good people, and they deserve it. And Coco knows that Tawna left because she was tired of Crash and she was only really around because of Crash anyway but it still kind of a little bit feels like if Coco had been better- less annoying, less needy, less childish- then Tawna would have liked her enough to stay around. She knows it’s stupid but that’s what it feels like anyway. So Coco tries her hardest to be mature and feminine and cool and upbeat and helpful and kind and likable and unreplaceable because of that. Because Tawna never could. Because Coco was meant to replace her. Because Coco is better. 

[twistedtummies2]

Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes - Number 11

Welcome to A Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes! During this month-long event, I’ll be counting my Top 31 Favorite Fictional Detectives, from movies, television, literature, video games, and more!

SLEUTH-OF-THE-DAY’S QUOTE: “It really is very dangerous to believe people. I never have for years.”

Number 11 is…Miss Marple.

Miss Marple is one of the most popular characters created by Agatha Christie: a woman whom many consider to be the single greatest mystery writer in the history of English literature. (Yes, even more than Conan Doyle.) While Christie wrote many marvelous books, and created a number of equally marvelous characters, only two have managed to make this list. On the bright side, however, one will be in my oncoming Top 10 (I won’t say who, nor where they rank exactly), and Miss Marple herself only JUST misses out on making the same, which I’d say is pretty good.

I mentioned with Ellery Queen and Father Brown the idea of the “Accidental Detective” or “Busybody Detective.” I think many would argue that, at least in the world of literature, Miss Marple – while not the first of this kind (the aforementioned Father Brown predates her by about twenty years) – might have been the most popular and influential. Miss Marple is not a detective by profession in any regard; she’s not even a priest or an author. She is, in fact, a rather prim, elderly spinster lady, who lives largely alone in a fine old house, living a life of sublime comfort and seeming tranquility and peace. She is, some would argue, the single least likely of all unlikely detectives there have ever been. She’s old, she’s petite, she’s mild-mannered, has a few eccentricities…in short, she seems more like that kind, well-off grandmother or aunt down the road than a super sleuth.

Of course, a super sleuth is what Miss Marple is. Miss Marple doesn’t go out of her way to find crimes and solve them, but whenever a murder or some other injustice effectively falls into her lap, and she feels the police aren’t doing well enough to figure it out, she takes it upon herself to lend her assistance in solving the crime. Her age, her experience, and – much like with Father Brown – her plain common sense are her greatest assets. While Miss Marple is not typically harsh or unkind, it’s indicated that – even before taking up her "hobby" of solving befuddling crimes – she’s seen a lot of human injustices and cruelties. Under her gentle-hearted surface, she’s privately a bit jaded. She’s not grouchy or overtly cynical, but she's also never remotely shocked or startled when terrible things happen, nor particularly upset by any motive for them, because she’s seen it all. She understands human nature and its capacity for evil, so she trusts no one completely and sees no great surprises.

Once again, the character of Miss Marple is one who has been adapted many, MANY times over the years. The first highly popular interpretation onscreen was Margaret Rutherford: her somewhat comedic film takes on the Miss Marple stories actually reinvented the detective somewhat, accentuating her eccentricities and making her a more zany character than usual. While not really what Christie imagined, this version is still popular today. Other actresses who played the character in movies include Angela Lansbury and Helen Hayes. She’s also starred in a couple of TV shows; the most recent featured first Geraldine McEwan in the role, then later Julia McKenzie, after McEwan decided to retire from the series. Arguably the strangest interpretation was an anime with the very long title of “Agatha Christie’s Great Detectives Poirot & Marple.” This series adapted various tales of Christie’s, including not only the Miss Marple books, but also several tales featuring her other most famous creation, Hercule Poirot. The two detectives were connected by an original character named Maybelle: a relative of Miss Marple who works for Poirot.

Most fans of Miss Marple seem to agree that the definitive screen portrayal of the character was Joan Hickson, who played the part in a TV series that ran from the mid-80s all the way into the early 90s. (She is the fine lady pictured here.) Hickson also narrated several audiobooks of the Marple stories, only adding to her legacy. To say she was right for the role is an understatement: long before being cast in the TV program, Hickson had appeared in a play based on Christie’s story “Appointment With Death.” The author was so taken with her performance, she later told Hickson that she felt, one day, the actress could be a perfect Miss Marple. As evident from critical reception since, this was a case of excellent judgment. No matter who you prefer in the role, considering that as recently as 2022 there were new Marple stories still being printed (obviously by contemporary authors; Christie’s work, in general, has many contemporary treatments to uncover, some better than others), it’s safe to say this grand old lady is still in the prime of her crime-solving life.

Tomorrow, the countdown enters the Top 10!

CLUE: “The enemy of my enemy is my enemy.”

[basilone]

and another, for the 5 line meme - 'new heaven and new earth' for Ron and whoever you want, but it has to be an AU!

Ahem, nobody should count the amount of sentences in this baby because I'm pretty sure there are more than five? But I can't shorten this, and these feelings need to happen. It's a continuation of the popstar/rockstar AU that I wrote a little bit for here! 💚

new heaven and new earth

“Listen to this,” she crows, folding herself into the tight space between him and the armchair’s rest, all cloud of glitter and blonde hair fanning out over his dark shirt, “they are talking about album”– and she is on her phone again, fingers of one hand scrolling the screen effortlessly while her other hand pats his knee –“they call it shocking, Ronald,” she laughs, so clearly excited at the prospect, “let me read for you, yes?”

He peers over her shoulder – small as she is, tucked under his arm, it takes no effort at all – and frowns as he takes in a slightly more reputable website than the regular gossip sites he thought she might favor for this, finding some online music magazine that’s pretty well-sourced despite their continuous critique of his albums and live shows on her screen right now, and spies his own name appearing several times on that page alone.

“Speirs,” she reads out loud – and isn’t it strange, hearing his last name from her when she always calls him Ronald? – while nestling herself against his side, “is of course no stranger to c-o-n-t-r-o-v-e-r-s-y”– and she spells that out the way she always does the English words she doesn’t like to pronounce –“with his stage shows often a bath of fake blood and dimly lit violence, pfah Ronald they are acting like you are cuh-razy,” she dismisses offhand before continuing, “and his formerly heavy social media fight with Tatiana precedes the frenzy that is his shocking guest appearance on her latest album, titled new heaven and new earth, and the growing rumors that Speirs is credited as co-author in its liner notes in what looks to be a reinvention of Tatiana’s image.”

“They’re right about that liner notes bit,” he says, remembering her neat cursive penning him into the credits of her album unprompted, “but I’m not doing this because it’s controversial”– he could have just staged her murder when she showed up at his gig three months ago, given her too-pretty face the Carrie treatment of fake blood, made her the haunting thing he sings about night after night –“and you’re not reinventing a damn, look at you,” he mutters, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear as her bubblegum makes a loud popping sound, “you’re still the fucking beauty queen, all sparkly and wholesome, except that you’ve just about remembered you’ve got a bite to you.”

“The bite’s new,” she says, worries, exhales, and her voice is too small all of a sudden, “and I am doing something with my voice that–”

“Sounds perfect,” he interrupts, plucking her phone out of her fingers and throwing it onto the much bigger couch opposite their seat, “and don’t you make yourself small, you’re already too tiny as it is”– and her annoyed huff is just what he’d hoped to hear, even when the elbow that lands in his side is too sharp –“just fuck what they say, Tatia, they don’t know you like I do.”

He doesn’t realize how badly he’s messed up – he never calls her Tatia out loud, never admits to knowing her so well even though he’s spent every waking moment of new heaven and new earth’s recording sessions with her this past month – until she turns toward him and he spies the flicker of gold-specked light in her eyes that he’s only ever seen from her when she cares about what happens next.

[frazzledsoul]

So I've been thinking about Gilmore Girls lately because I've been playing Love and Pies on my phone (hardcore gamer I am not) and it's come to me that since it's been almost as many years since AYITL as there was between Gilmore Girls and AYITL and I'm closer to Lorelai 's AYITL age than I am Rory's that maybe I understand her a bit more.

AYITL is Lorelai's midlife crisis: she's basically settled, but she realizes she wants more out of her life, but she doesn't know what that more is. Over the past few years I've been more apt to heavily criticize her, to not even really want to ship her and Luke together and I feel I've come around on that, even though I have a much bigger problem with her transgressions than I think other fans do.

What used to bother me is that in between the OS and AYITL she seems to have emotionally regressed into who she was at the beginning of the OS. She likes her life and she's comfortable with who she is and she doesn't want to change and she doesn't really want to think about how things got to how they are. I think this is a bigger deal in AYITL because in the OS Lorelai was young and Rory was her main priority and she could not have accomplished what she had if she had focused on her love life. In AYITL, Lorelai completely blew up her relationship and her life for a chance at the happy ever after she thought she wanted so much, and it blew up in her face. So when she reconciles with Luke, she basically...gives up on her goals and life plans, and doesn't think about it. Even when she goes into self-reflection mode and is in actual therapy, while she'll say that Luke is the love of her life and she never should have married Christopher and refers to their relationship completely in the past tense, she can't say why she never got married.

Even more confusing is her attitude towards Rory, the central subject of the show. Rory in AYITL is an absolute mess. She's chosen to make herself homeless and jobless, blows up every professional opportunity she's given, is hooking up with her engaged ex boyfriend....and Lorelai doesn't seem to care about most of it. When Rory announces that she's planning to get a cushy apartment in one of the most expensive cities in the world to work on a book project no one is paying her for, Lorelai freaks out when she hears Jess is involved and that Rory plans to tell the entire world her darkest secrets. I'm not saying her anger isn't justified (it was) but even before Lorelai knew what this book was about, this kind of sounds like a terrible life plan. And that's the closest Lorelai gets to being at all concerned about Rory's very bad decisions.

I didn't understand all that then. I didn't understand why it took so long for Lorelai to think about these things, things she was very concerned with at the end of the OS, why even when she thought about them she didn't seem to want to understand the why of it all. However, now that I'm close to her age and having personal and financial issues of my own and thinking more about mortality since my stepmother died a few months ago, I get it. I was on autopilot through much of the pandemic years, horribly sick and depressed and lonely a lot of the time but also just....accepting that this is my life and I can deal with it. At a certain point, you get old and you figure this is the best you're going to get and not to push too much harder.

So I can understand why Lorelai didn't, why even knowing she had a very limited amount of time in which to accomplish the things she wanted (marriage, babies, the conventional life plan) she chose not to pursue them. As you get older, it gets harder and harder to reinvent yourself. Maybe this is why she doesn't push Rory harder. She knows that it didn't take much to run Rory off the last time she tried and she wants to keep her as close as she can.

I used to think it would be easier if there was a why when it comes to time standing still for so long between the OS and AYITL. Maybe Luke and Lorelai didn't have babies because of infertility or a miscarriage (a plot I would not trust ASP to write). Maybe Lorelai agrees not to ask Rory about her personal life because the last time she tried Rory brought up 2006 and told Lorelai she has no right to judge her (okay, that probably did happen). I've spent a lot of time writing fanfiction to explain many of those things, just like a lot of us have.

However, sometimes there is no why. Sometimes stuff just happens.

None of this is to say that I think Lorelai's life was tragic, or that she needed marriage and kids to be happy, or that her relationship wouldn't "progress" unless she reproduced again. I also believe that in AYITL that Luke's "no, I do not want to start this parenting thing over from scratch" is a complete sentence and should be respected. However, I think I understand now....a bit more than I did before.

[jess-moloney-malarkey]

Remember that business with the horse Instagram account Jess followed sometime last month that the other blog wrote basically a novel about? It was a very short lived thing, but it is my absolute Roman Empire I swear to god lol. Here's the link: https://jess-moloney.tumblr.com/post/742507212129320960/in-regards-to-jess-following-this-page-for-sale-on

They proposed this truly insane and wild theory (I'll give it to them that they did outright call it a theory at least) about Jess having followed this Instagram account that posts horses, but with the intent to buy it because she and Jamie had probably broken up. And then she would use this purchased account to reinvent herself while already having all these followers from the horse page. But "the only flaw with her plan is the horse content" or something like that?

lmao I swear that's the funniest thing they have ever come up with, oh my god.

[xtruss]

One of the Greatest Westerns Ever Made Is Now Streaming After Decades in the Wilderness

After Years of Inaccessibility, Maggie Greenwald's "The Ballad of Little Jo" Is Newly Available on Blu-Ray And Streaming — Here's Why That's a Cause For Celebration.

— By Jim Hemphill | March 25, 2024

'The Ballad of Little Jo'Fine Line Features

Throughout most of the 1980s the Western was assumed to be a dead genre, certainly compared to the central role it once played in Hollywood’s construction of a national mythology. While there were occasional outliers like Lawrence Kasdan‘s “Silverado” and Clint Eastwood‘s “Pale Rider,” for the most part the responsibility the genre had to reflect and shape American values was taken up by either science fiction movies like “The Terminator” (which fulfilled the Western’s function as an exploration of the changes wrought on society by evolving technology) or urban cop films like “48HRS.” and Eastwood’s “Dirty Harry” sequels, which transposed the form’s archetypes and moral questions to a contemporary setting. Although the decade closed out with the successful “Young Guns,” that film was an anomaly whose success probably had more to do with its cast of attractive teen idols.

Then something funny happened in the early ’90s: Right as Hollywood seemed to have given up on the Western, it came roaring back with a vengeance and yielded the most varied, complex, and satisfying group of films since the glory days of John Ford and Delmer Daves. The box office and awards success of Kevin Costner’s “Dances With Wolves” in 1990, followed by Clint Eastwood’s triumphant return to the genre in 1992 with “Unforgiven,” suddenly made Westerns commercially viable again, and filmmakers who had been biding their time were able to will their dream projects into production. Lawrence Kasdan returned to the genre for the underrated and ambitious “Wyatt Earp,” Walter Hill made two of his best films with “Geronimo: An American Legend” and “Wild Bill,” and talented directors like Jim Jarmusch (“Dead Man”), Sam Raimi (“The Quick and the Dead”), and Melvin Van Peebles (“Posse”) made Westerns as different from each other — and as equally nourishing — as one might expect.

One of the best of the ’90s Westerns has also been one of the most difficult to see, but a special edition Blu-ray release in December and a streaming premiere this month have rescued it from years of inaccessibility. When writer-director Maggie Greenwald‘s “The Ballad of Little Jo” was released in 1993, its relationship to the other Westerns of the time was a bit of a coincidence — Greenwald had written the script before “Unforgiven” — but there’s no question that her film, like the best 1950s Westerns of Budd Boetticher, Howard Hawks, and Sam Fuller, benefited from the comparisons and contrasts enabled by being part of a recognizable tradition. Like those directors, Greenwald was brilliant at using the language of the Western as a shorthand, expressing her point of view not only by what she depicted and how but by where her treatment of the material paid tribute to the Westerns that had come before and where it deviated.

“The Ballad of Little Jo” is based on the true story of a society woman (played brilliantly by Suzy Amis in a performance that deserves to be spoken of in the same breath with James Stewart’s work in the Anthony Mann Westerns) who, shunned by her family after giving birth out of wedlock, rides West and reinvents herself as a man – Josephine Monaghan becomes “Little Jo” Monaghan, a successful sheep farmer who, like the characters in “Shane,” “Heaven’s Gate,” and dozens (hundreds?) of other earlier Westerns, defends her land against an evil corporation. Along the way, she sidesteps the advances of a young woman who sees her as a potential husband and carries on a romance with a Chinese laborer (the only person who knows her true gender) while becoming friends with a guide and mentor named Badger, played by Bo Hopkins in a role that can’t help but evoke associations with Sam Peckinpah’s “The Wild Bunch.”

The casting of Hopkins gives the viewer a clue to what Greenwald is up to, as she slyly references and honors not only Peckinpah but a whole history of American Westerns at the same time that she finds new directions for the genre. Much as Hopkins retains the strengths of his performances in Westerns like “The Wild Bunch,” “The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing,” and “The Culpepper Cattle Co.” while also revealing new layers of sensitivity, the film as a whole delivers the satisfactions of Westerns — “The Magnificent Seven,” “The Gunfighter,” “Shane” — that explore both the liberation of a life defined by rugged individualism and its limitations, but deepens and expands on the mythology. Part of this is inherent in the premise, and most of it is due to Greenwald’s probing intelligence and unerring visual sense.

Suzy Amis, 1993, “The Ballad of Little Jo”©Fine Line Features/Courtesy Everett Collection

Most Westerns are about masculinity and how America defines what it means to “be a man,” and many of the best entries in the genre have been films that delve into the contradictions and complexities of the question. By telling the story of a woman who lives her life as a man in the old West, Greenwald explores traditional ideas of masculinity and femininity through a different lens than just about every other Western ever made, even ostensibly female-driven works like “Bad Girls” and “The Quick and the Dead” which, while both have considerable strengths, don’t really engage with the issue on a deep level. Like most Westerns, “The Ballad of Little Jo” takes place in a world where maleness is glorified as a source of power and progress, a fact that Greenwald sharply interrogates via the unique perspective Little Jo’s character provides. Greenwald asks the viewer to consider and reconsider ideas many Westerns (and American films in general) take for granted by posing two simple questions: What does Little Jo gain by becoming a man, and what does she lose?

Greenwald uses familiar conventions both the traditional way and with a spin that gives them a whole new dimension. One of the hoariest cliches in the Western, for example, is that of the “redemptive woman,” the schoolmarm or minister’s sister who exists in the movie to civilize the hero and help him assimilate into society. In “Little Jo,” the redemptive woman is a man, but by making him Chinese — and therefore “lesser” and isolated in the eyes of the white men in the film — Greenwald plays with ideas of power, gender, race, and economics (Jo’s lover works as her handyman) and explores how they intersect in fluid and fascinating ways. The ways in which the viewer is expected to understand these issues are irrevocably affected by seeing them through the eyes of a woman who is pretending to be a man; long before the end of the movie, the line between “male” virtues and “female” ones — a defining feature of many classical Westerns — has been satisfyingly and provocatively blurred.

The pleasures of the film are not merely or even primarily ideological; part of Greenwald’s greatness is how organically woven into the narrative these ideas are. There’s nothing anachronistic about the film, even though, like all great period movies, it’s an equally valuable reflection of the time in which it takes place, the time of its release, and the time in which you’re watching it. Greenwald has the confidence not to force or overstate her ideas but just sets the drama in motion and lets the audience draw their own conclusions.

From left, Rene Auberjonois, Suzy Amis, 1993, “The Ballad of Little Jo” ©Fine Line Features/courtesy Everett/Everett Collection

She also provides a textured and expressive visual experience for the viewer that makes “The Ballad of Little Jo” one of the most purely gorgeous independent films of its era, and also a Western with a distinct look. Other directors had taken pleasure in the small details and nuances of day-to-day living in the old West — Robert Altman in “McCabe and Mrs. Miller,” Walter Hill in “The Long Riders,” Budd Boetticher in his detailed depictions of what it really meant to be a cowboy tending to a horse — but Greenwald takes it as far as anyone ever did, focusing not only on where Little Jo lives, but how and why, and how the simultaneously beautiful and forbidding landscape informs her choices. The movie is filled with specific pieces of costume and production design that allow the viewer to ponder the frontier existence in all its particulars, not just its sweeping vistas; it’s an intimate approach that perfectly complements Greenwald’s efforts for us to see everything through Jo’s perspective.

At the same time, “The Ballad of Little Jo” has a sweeping, epic quality that belies its limited budget, as well as a giddy embrace of some of the Western’s most basic pleasures. When Little Jo, in a sense, “conquers” her territory and succeeds on both her own terms and society’s, it’s immensely satisfying, and her sense of freedom is intoxicating. Yet just as Gregory Peck in “The Gunfighter” or the guns for hire in “The Magnificent Seven” are trapped in their roles, Jo is trapped by successfully becoming a man — she can’t escape her role any more than Steve McQueen could escape his. Greenwald ends the film with an allusion to another great Western, John Ford’s “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance,” with her own take on the idea that “when the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” Like everything else in the film, Greenwald’s perspective on this topic is complex, ambivalent, and, to a degree, open-ended, inviting the audience to continue the discussion after the film is over.

In a sense, Greenwald is doing what the best Western directors have always done despite the “revisionist” label erroneously attached to the ’90s films in the genre. The best Western directors have always been revisionist — John Ford cleverly subverted the idea of the redemptive woman back in 1939, for example, when he made her a prostitute in the same movie where he made the villain the most extreme representative of capitalist philosophy. Like “Stagecoach” — or “Red River,” or “High Noon,” or “Buck and the Preacher,” or any of the other all-time great Westerns — “The Ballad of Little Jo” looks both back and forward.

Also like those films, it’s a singular personal statement. Given that Greenwald was the first woman to write and direct a wide-release American Western in the sound era, it’s hard not to draw parallels between her own journey and Little Jo’s, forging her way forward in a male-dominated field and choosing what to retain and what to discard — and like her heroine, showing everyone else how it’s done. One doesn’t need to know anything about Greenwald or the production history of her film or even its context as a ’90s Western to enjoy it, though; it stands on its own as a masterpiece that has always deserved to be better known and more easily accessed. Its renewed availability is a cause for celebration and an opportunity to rediscover an American classic.

“The Ballad of Little Jo” is currently streaming at Kino Film Collection and is available on Blu-ray from Kino Lorber.