#she really has been the closest thing i’ve had to a little sister. ate lunch together for two years. in chorus and drama together and always

[ducktracy]

Hi guys! One of my nearest and dearest friends from high school has been diagnosed with leukemia, and her family is doing some fundraising to help with expenses. If you have any spare change lying around you’d like to toss over (or even have a dire hankering for a shirt!), it would really, really, really mean the world to me. Thanks gang

[dansantat]

NOW WE ARE TWO: A Eulogy for My Father

Adam U Santat (October 21,1943 - April 27, 2021)

Today is April 27, 2021.

When I was very young and we lived in New Jersey my father took us to the beach and he lifted my tiny frame over his neck and we walked out into the ocean together. My mother watched us from the coast as we wandered 50 yards into the shallow sea. I was terrified of whatever lurked in the water convinced that sharks would come and eat us. My father gripped my legs and whispered, “I’ve got you. You don’t have to be afraid.”

I don’t exactly know why this particular memory rests so clearly in my mind, but it’s a good one. That was my father in a nutshell.

I interviewed my parents for a memoir I’m currently working on. This is what I know of my father. 

He was born in the small village of Khlong Dan, Thailand on October 21, 1943, though the official birth certificate indicates October 27 because of a typo (21 sounds like 27 in Thai)  He was the youngest of nine kids. His parents immigrated from China and started a merchant business. For fear of being racially ostracized by the local Thai people the oldest brother changed their name from “Lim” to “Santativongchai” (he found the word in an old book)

They collected rain water off the storm gutters in order to drink. He didn’t get hie first pair of shoes until he was 10 years old. They were sandals, really. Knowing facts abut Western culture was cool and he had an insatiable desire to learn everything he could about America. Coming to the United States was a dream of his obsessed with Elvis Presley, Paul Anka, and movies like “Shane” He admits to being spoiled by his mother and says he was lazy during most of his childhood, but was gifted in math and science. And he truly was. He attended medical school, paid for by his older sister, Yawanit, and he came to Newark, New Jersey in 1969 to do his internship.

My mother followed a year later

His first car was a Red ‘69 Camaro. No air conditioning. He ran the car into the ground because he was unaware of the fact that you had to change the oil. He never owned a car before then.   

This was the American dream.

I was born in 1975 and they soon made a mass exodus to Southern California along with many of their Thai doctor friends with brief career stops in Wykoff, New Jersey and Hopedale, Illinois until we settled in our newly built four bedroom home in Camarillo, CA. 

He worked for the state of California as a pediatrician, and eventually as a cardiologist, and then a psychiatrist continuing his education over the years to fill the needs of the state. He was an accomplished man in his field.

He loved golf, tennis, and buying things he would see on TV. He loved Ralph Lauren clothing, he owned one of the first Apple computers, and he loved making weekly trips to Los Angeles to buy classical CDs and audio equipment.   

Three weeks ago I stepped inside my parent’s home for the first time in over a year. The COVID-19 Pandemic had kept us apart . “Stay at home. We’ll see each other after this is all over.” my parents told me. 

Under normal circumstances I would happily avoid their company for fear of constant nagging about a plethora of reasons which mostly dealt with my weight, or my political views.   

But this was different. 

My father had been diagnosed with Stage 4 liver cancer and he returned home to hospice care. My mother was helping him get situated on his favorite couch because he refused to use the hospital bed that hospice had offered him and recommend that he use.

They say that doctors make the worst patients. 

Besides his stubbornness my mother was angry at him for not putting up a fight, turning down Chemotherapy and Immunotherapy and opting to just let the cancer take him. She herself having been a breast cancer survivor over 25 years ago (along with living with lupus for 45 years) could not comprehend the thought of just giving up. But my father knew the odds. He had taken one look at the CT scan and he knew the primary source was in the liver and it has metastasized to the lungs, his jaw, and his pelvis. 

His body was dying but his mind was still as sharp as a tack.

I understood the diagnosis, as well. When speaking to the doctor on the phone he did not mince words by emphasizing quality of life. My father’s days were limited, and I was there to make the most of the time that was left between us before he departed. 

“I have one last question for you before I go.” he said to me.

“Anything. What’s your question, Dad?”

“How much....do you earn annually?”

My mother and I quickly glanced at each other and we both immediately let out a huge laugh. “HA HA HA! You have one last question and that’s what you want to ask me?!”

He was always curious about my finances. 

He is my Asian father. 

Normally, this type of question would be a point of heated contention and it would typically result in an argument at a restaurant, and yet, here he is living his last weeks and he STILL wouldn’t let the question go. And this time, without argument, I simply tell him. 

Why deny a dying man his last wish?

“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” he shouts as we all share in a good laugh.

“I have one more question...”

“What is it, Dad?”

“Why do you always get upset when I ask you that question?”

This too would have normally resulted in a heated discussion, but I simply gave him an honest and simple answer, “Because you taught me that it was rude to ask people that question.” And I left it at that.

My mother gets up and heads to the kitchen and it’s in this moment that my father pulls me in closer to discuss more pressing matters. 

“I don’t want you to worry about me. I’ve accepted my fate and I’ve lived a good life. I’m worried about your mom. I want you to take care of her after I’m gone.”

“Of course.”

“I’ve saved up a lot of money. Use it to buy a house with a guest house for her. Make sure it has a big yard so she can do her gardening and she’ll be fine.”

 “I promise, Dad. I’ll spoil her.” 

“Good.”

My mother returns to the family room with an assortment of shirts for my father to wear. I grab a blue button up collared shirt from Tommy Bahama. “This shirt actually isn’t too shabby.”

“It was originally $125 and I got it for $90!”

Always in pursuit of looking his best while also landing a great deal.

He is my Asian father.  

“If you like the shirts they’re yours now. All of this is yours.”

None of the items that my father owned interested me. What interested me was giving him one last amazing experience before he was gone. The one thing my father truly treasured among all his possessions was a one of the finest wine collections I had ever seen. It contained over 500 bottles of wines he had collected over the course of twenty years housed in three separate wine refrigerators, which were spread throughout different rooms in the house and sent their electricity bill skyrocketing to the moon, and my mother’s nerves to the very edge of insanity. 

“Hey, what do you think about going into your wine collection and we drink the most expensive wine you have?”

“No,” he says hesitantly.

“But don’t you want to know what you bought? Don’t you want to at least know what the best wine you own tastes like? I don’t think you should leave this world without enjoying your one great vice in life.”

My father looks away from me and mutters, “No...It’s yours now. All of it.”

This is not how I want it to end. I want him to have one last good memory.

My mother interrupts, “I’m hungry. What are we having for lunch?”

I try to keep my father focused on his bucket list. I’m hoping for just one last memory, “Whatever you want, Dad. My treat.”

He looks at me and says, “I want a Pink’s hot dog.”

My mother and I look at each other in shock. This request from a man who was obsessed with his blood pressure. A man who constantly avoided salt like it was Kryptonite to Superman was now requesting for one of the saltiest most nitrate rich foods in America. 

“With mustard and relish.”

25 minutes later I returned home with three sodium bombs per his request. My father, who hadn’t eaten in three days, grabbed a hold of his hot dog, and ate the entire thing. My father, a man who did everything in his power to stave off death by cardiovascular disease to the point of obsession, was indulging in the one thing he avoided like the plague. 

SALT. 

As I sat on the couch and watched him eat his hot dog I could see the look on his face as he solemnly took each bite thinking, “What was the point of being so scared for all these years?” I took solace in the fact that for the first time in my life, I saw him as a person unafraid.  

 Later that day, a few of his closest friends came over to wish him well. I met them at the front door, “Hey, do me a favor. Can you see if you can make him agree to having one last glass of wine?”

It was a good idea.

HIs friends all walked in, paid their respects, and then peppered him with little hints like, “Hey, how about one last sip of wine before you go?”

My dad finally agreed.

“That fridge has the best stuff!” my dad shouted as he pointed to the fridge closest to the door. 

I was not as knowledgable about fine wines as my dad and his friends were. That’s what Google is for.    

I reached into the back of the fridge and found a bottle of Opus One from 1995. 

This was $600 bottle of wine. It wasn’t his best but it it would do nicely.

The room let out an audible “oooooh” when I entered the room with the bottle.

His best wine glasses were brought out, we each poured a glass, and we toasted my father. We share stories about his life, he boasts to his friends about my accomplishments, and we are basking in a moment of complete harmony.

For this moment in time, I was his perfect Asian son.

He thoughtfully studied the peaks generated by the swirling of the wine on the edge of the glass

“It’s been a good life. No regrets.”

I was glad I could give him this.

This week I bought that house for my mom. I told my father this as I fulfilled his last dying wish while I held his hand.

“I’ve got you, Dad. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I’ve got you.”

[kinglazrus]

Therefore I am

Phic phight 2020

Submitted by @kili-kai-wox (kilikani on ffn): Danny is surprised when he receives an A+. I wonder what subject it could be from?

Summary: There are two things Danny never expected to get out of his philosophy class: an A+ and to be confronted about his never-ending existential crisis

Warnings: discussion of/thoughts about death and the meaning of death.

Word count: 2971

Today is a grim day for Danny Fenton. It just might be the end of him. He's backed into a corner, enemies approached from all sides. His allies have abandoned him. Friends, family, all gone. He's on his own out here and it doesn't look like he's going to make it. Rations are getting low.

Jazz slaps her hand against her forehead and groans. "Don't be so dramatic!"

Danny, pinned against the lockers by his friends and sisters, howls in outrage. "I'm almost out of gummy bears!" He shoves the near empty plastic bag in Jazz's face, shaking it furiously. "And look! It's mostly just the white ones! I might as well starve."

"Ooh, I love the white ones!" Tucker snatches the bag out of Danny's hand. Fishing a few gummies out, he pops them into his mouth and chews, a blissful smile on his lips.

Danny moans. "My rations."

Sam rolls her eyes.

Danny was on his way to the cafeteria for lunch when they cornered him. They came out of nowhere, surging out from the crowd of shuffling students, surrounding him before he could realize what was happening.

With Jazz in front of him, Sam to his left, and Tucker to his right, they block off all routes of escape. Except the ghostly ones, but too many students are milling about for him to safely use his powers.

Danny doesn't like the look in their eyes. Sam's eager glint, Tucker's grin, Jazz's stern frown. They all set him on edge.

"Can I just please go to lunch?" he begs. Thanks to Skulker, Danny didn't have time to eat breakfast this morning, except a handful of cereal. The only thing he wants right now is to go get some food, even if it's the crappy cardboard pizza they serve in the cafeteria. He needs sustenance damn it!

Tucker stealing his gummy bears is the deepest betrayal he could get right now.

"No," Jazz and Sam say at the same time.

Tucker stealing his gummy bears is the second deepest betrayal.

"Come on, man," Tucker says around a mouthful of gummies. "Just spill it."

"It wasn't my fault," Danny whines, wilting against the lockers. Jazz's frown deepens, turning from disappointment into a full-blown pout. Left with no other choice, Danny relents. "Fine! But I'm telling you, he was asking for it."

He's about to expose his plans but stops when he catches their confused faces. "What?" he asks.

"Lancer was asking for it?" Sam asks. She leans against the lockers next to Danny, eyebrow raised.

"Lancer?"

"Yeah. Mikey told us what happened in philosophy class. And we told Jazz," Tucker says. "What do you think we're talking about?"

Danny thinks about his parents' new ecto grenade—completely harmless to humans, of course—rigged up in Dash's locker, ready to explode as soon as someone opens the door. "It's not important right now. Philosophy? I got an A, yeah. Awesome, right?"

"And you didn't tell me!" Jazz says, offended.

Oh, Danny thinks. That's why she looked disappointed. He doesn't know how he was supposed to tell her, though, because this is the first time he's seen her all morning.

"Dude, you didn't just get an A," Tucker says.

"Okay, A+."

"Dude."

Sam, exasperated, grabs Danny's shoulders and forcibly turns him toward her. "Mikey told us how Lancer stood up at the front of the class and said your paper was the best he'd ever read in that class."

"Oh." Danny's cheeks burn and he ducks his head. "Yeah. That."

When he turned the paper in last week, he honestly thought he would fail the assignment. The night before it was due, Cujo managed to dig his way out of the Ghost Zone again and immediately wanted to play. Danny was happy to oblige since, for once, he had all his homework done on time and there were no ghosts to take care of that night. The real trouble came when he had to go downstairs for dinner, leaving Cujo in his room with a stern reminder not to leave it.

Miraculously, Cujo obeyed the command. But that meant there was a bored, excitable puppy in Danny's room, alone, for almost an hour, with nothing to play with. His room hadn't been neat when he left it, but it was trashed by the time he came back. His backpack was particularly mangled, and his essay ripped to shreds.

Danny hadn't thought Lancer would accept "a ghost dog ate my homework," as an excuse for not having the assignment done. But he no longer had the library books he used to write the damn thing in the first place. Which meant he had to replace his typed, carefully referenced, well-thought out essay with a rushed, handwritten mess that consisted only of Danny's personal thoughts.

Suffice to say, he wasn't too confident in the new essay. The last thing he expected was to get a passing grade for it, much less actual praise. Danny doesn't get praise, not outside hero work, at least. He gets lots of sighs and disappointed looks. Maybe a stern, "This is proof you can do better," when he pulls a grade higher than a D. But not praise. Never praise.

"It was... something," Danny says. He doesn't usually get embarrassed by attention, although that doesn't necessarily mean he likes it either. But getting called out by Lancer in front of the whole class was an entirely new experience.

Before Lancer started handing out the papers, he had stood at the front of the class and waved the stack in the air.

"I have to say, I'm very impressed by the work some of you did. Very thoughtful," he started. "But there is one paper in particular that I would like to bring up."

Lancer shuffled through the stack, shifting everything around until a bundle of loose leaf ripped from a notebook sat on top. The pages were stapled poorly, and the handwriting was borderline illegible. Danny knew instantly it was his and expected the worst.

"This paper was, perhaps, the most insightful essay I've ever read in all my time teaching this class," Lancer said. He beamed in Danny's direction. "It was speculative, introspective, and intuitive. Written purely from the student's own thoughts on life and death. This is what philosophy is about, and I hope I can see similar work from the rest of you in the future."

Danny sank into his seat as Lancer walked down the aisle, heading right for him, and held his paper out.

"Thanks," Danny muttered, taking his assignment. He couldn't bear to lift his gaze and meet the burning stares of his peers. The worst part, though was when Lancer asked to see Danny at the end of the day.

"Are you gonna go?" Tucker asks.

"I don't know." Danny's grip on his backpack tightens as he thinks about the paper stuffed inside. "I'm not in trouble or anything, and it didn't really sound like I have to go."

"I think you should." Jazz reaches out and ruffles Danny's hair, smiling proudly at him. "You did good, little brother. You're smart, and Lancer knows that. Whatever he wants to talk to about, I'm sure it's good."

Danny grumbles, shoving Jazz's hand away and fixing his hair. He doesn't make it neat, but he messes it up the way he likes it to be messed up. There's a difference.

"I guess. As long as no ghosts interrupt, I'll go," Danny says. Jazz is right—she usually is, much to his chagrin. Whatever Lancer wants, after what he said about Danny's paper, it has to be good. But he still hopes the Box Ghost shows up so that Danny doesn’t have to go.

"Can I have my gummy bears back?" Danny asks, turning to Tucker.

Tucker, cheeks puffed with gummies, looks down at the empty bag. He slowly shakes his head. "I don't think you want them back."

—

Danny hesitates outside Lancer's door. The final bell rang five minutes ago, and most students have already fled the school grounds. The football team is still here, somewhere, because they have practice in half an hour. Everyone else is out front waiting for their buses. Jazz left in the initial crowd. Sam and Tucker offered to hang around and wait for him, but Danny waved them off and told them to go ahead. They have better things to do.

It crosses Danny's mind that he can lie to them. If he skips out and only tells them he talked to Lancer, they will probably accept it and leave it at that. Jazz might probe him a little about it, but if he acts annoyed about it, she'll stop. But he's being ridiculous. There's no real reason why he can't walk through this door right now and get this over with. Jazz is right. It's probably a good thing. But something about it sets Danny on edge.

Sighing heavily, he reaches out and knocks on Lancer's door, standing on his toes to peek through the window.

Lancer, sitting at his desk, grading a pile of new assignments, looks up. He sees Danny and smiles, waving him inside.

Danny pauses for a second, then turns the handle and steps into the room.

"Please, Mr. Fenton, close the door and take a seat," Lancer says.

Danny does as told, closing the door a little too hard, and shuffles over to the desk closest to Lancer's. Swinging his backpack off his shoulder, he sets it down on the floor beside him and slides into the chair.

While Lancer makes a few more notes on the paper in front of him, Danny scans the classroom. Sometimes it feels like he spends half his day in this room. Lancer teaches a surprising number of courses. Danny's almost impressed by the range. Little hints of each course are scattered throughout the room. A poster about calculating surface area by the window, a cartoonish timeline of US history along the top of the wall, aperiodic table taking up most of the back wall.

For philosophy, there's a collage of famous philosophers taped to the front of Lancer's desk. Danny thinks a former student made it, because it's just some images cut out and glued onto a stiff piece of poster board.

Danny stares at each face in the collage, trying to recognize them. Friedrich Nietzsche is the only one he can identify by name. The only reason Danny remembers him in the first place is his wild mustache. Hard to forget something like that.

"Mr. Fenton."

Danny's head snaps up, gaze jumping to Lancer.

"I'd like to congratulate you again for writing such a wonderful paper" Lancer says. "But I had a few questions."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Are you okay, Mr. Fenton?"

Danny blinks. "I­­­– what?"

"In your paper, you spoke a lot about death, dying, and our perceptions of life now that we know there is some form of afterlife. Some of your points were rather... personal."

Danny thinks back over his paper. The moment he realized he had to make the whole thing up, he decided to talk about the one philosophical debate he was personally invested in: the significance of life after death. He mentioned his parents' views on the matter, that ghosts are mindless monsters, but mostly spoke about his own and what questions he had about it. Thanks to his personal experience with dying, he had a lot to talk about.

Lancer reaches for an open notebook sitting on his desk. Lifting it up, he scans the page for a moment, then reads, "'Some people falsely believe ghosts are not, and never were, human, but are instead creatures from another dimension connected to our own. While some ghosts definitely aren't human, I have met countless that were. They remember living and dying, and there is evidence of their human lives left behind. What does this mean for people who are still living? If we can die and nothing changes for us, does dying matter at all?'"

Danny immediately recognizes his own words. Lancer must have written down what Danny said in his essay. It makes him uncomfortable. He doesn’t want his thoughts lying around where anyone can read them. He especially doesn't want Lancer to pick and choose them at random for whatever this conversation is.

"That doesn't really sound personal," Danny mutters.

"No, it doesn't," Lancer agrees. "But the things you go on to say after this point are concerning, to say the least. Which brings me back to my original question. Are you okay?"

Danny's face scrunches as he thinks. So what if he got personal? It's a personal matter. That was the whole point when he wrote it. He doesn't understand what Lancer's getting at.

Lancer sighs and keeps going. "'Lots of people think about what happens after they die. Usually, they're talking about religion and what waits for them on the other side. Personally, I wonder about what happens to everything I leave behind, and what dying would do for me.' Would you like to expand on that?"

Danny leans away. "No?"

"What dying would do for you," Lancer repeats.

"What are you­­– oh." Finally, realization dawns on Danny. He squirms uncomfortably. "I'm not– I don't want to–"

He cuts himself off with a sight. How is he supposed to explain what's going on in his head without giving his secret away? Danny's not okay, but he isn't not okay, either. He's just... dead.

He died, but he lived, and it changed him. And yet, at the same time, nothing changed at all. In the grand scheme of things, Danny died and everything stayed the same. No one noticed, except his friends, who were there and are probably scarred for life.

Besides, Danny lived, in the end. So he's supposed to be fine, right? But he doesn't know how to deal with going through something that traumatic and realizing it didn't matter.

Ghosts look at life differently. They don't regret dying because once you're dead, whatever led up to that point no longer matters. They remember their lives, but they don't care about them. If Danny had died all the way that day, he wouldn't care either. Thinking about that messes him up.

Lancer watches him expectantly. Danny realizes he's been silent for too long, and he has to say something.

"It's complicated."

"We have the time, if you'd like to try," Lancer says.

Danny shakes his head. "I really don't. You don't need to be worried about me, or anything. I don’t want to die or anything. I just..."

My whole life is just one big existential crisis.

"Mr. Fenton." Lancer stands up, pushing away from his desk.

Danny keeps his eyes on the philosophy collage as Lancer approaches. Holding himself perfectly still, he doesn’t look away, even as Lancer crouches next to Danny's desk.

"Okay."

There's nothing special about the word, or the way Lancer says it. He has no clue what's going on in Danny's mind right now, but he's looking at Danny with warm eyes, offering him a comforting smile, and Danny actually feels like he could be okay.

"For whatever it's worth, Mr. Fenton, I don't think my days would be the same without you. But I understand."

He really doesn't, but Danny appreciates the effort.

"If this isn't something you'd like to talk about with me, I won't push it. Perhaps I could have approached you more delicately about the matter." Lancer pats Danny's shoulder. "I hope you will talk to someone, if you need it. And don't let this stop you from pursuing your interest in philosophy."

Danny doesn't have the heart tell Lancer he only took the class because he thought it would be easy.

"You have a knack for it."

"Um, thank you," Danny says.

Lancer pats him again, then stands. "Don't let me keep you. I'm sure, as you students would say, you have to get vibing."

Danny grimaces. "We really wouldn't."

Dismissed, he gathers up his backpack and practically sprints to the door, yanking it open. Halfway out, he pauses, looking back over his shoulder. Lancer is back at his desk already, resuming his grading.

"Thanks, Mr. Lancer," Danny says. "You're not really 'hip', but... you are kind of cool."

He runs out of the room before Lancer can respond. Lips pressed in a firm line, he contemplates whether today was good or bad after all. A+ on his essay? Good. Getting praised in front of the class? It sounded good, but it felt bad and it was awkward as hell. Tucker eating all his gummy bears? Definitely bad.

The talk he just had with Lancer? Debatable.

Danny rounds the corner, heading for the front doors, and almost barrels right into Dash. He swerves at the last second—thank you reflexes—and skitters out of Dash's way.

"Watch it, Fenfreak," Dash says.

Danny rolls his eyes. "You get more creative every day, Dash. Why are you even still here?"

"Practice tonight, duh," Dash says.

Right. Danny gives Dash a critical look. "Going to your locker?" he asks.

"My stuff's already in the gym, dweeb. Why do you care?"

"I just thought I saw Paulina put some in there early. Could have been a love letter or something." Danny shrugs.

An eager gleam enters Dash's eye. Danny almost feels sorry for the poor guy. He's probably the only person who can't tell Paulina is hopelessly in love with Star. Why else would Paulina say she can't date any boys because she's saving herself for the ghost boy? Seriously.

Dash runs for his locker, yanking it open. As a resounding bang echoes down the hall and green go splatters all over the walls, floor, ceiling, and Dash, Danny finally makes up his mind. Today is a very good day.

[littleredlie]

Intervention (S1P4)

Series Masterlist | Master Masterlist

Chicago Med x doctor!OC Morgan Fitzgerald is a doctor at Chicago Medical and she returns back after a two week break. However, we learn that she didn’t spend her entire break off and instead focused on her sister’s murder.  Based off S1E11 of Chicago Med

2.3k+ Words (Short chapter)

Featuring: Morgan Fitzgerald, Hayden Everett (mentioned), Will Halstead, Maggie Lockwood, Connor Rhodes, Kevin Atwater, Adam Ruzek, Jay Halstead (mentioned), Sarah Reese Warning:  mentions of rape and murder, idk what else ??? A/N: Yikes, I started writing this chapter and ended up writing the next chapter so I had to write the end of this one and the beginning of part 5. This part was hard to write because the episode didn’t have much action to put Morgan in and so I made it a kind of Morgan-centric episode. It’s very shot, I had no idea what I was doing. Part 5 is better and I’ve already started part six. Sorry in advance. And we will never talk about this chapter again.

Part Three

“Hey Morgan, welcome back.”

“Hey Mags, how’re you?” Morgan tosses her stethoscope around her neck and picks up a few papers sitting on the desk.

“Nope, nada. I wanna hear how your vacation went. You’re gone for two weeks and not a single person hears from you. You do not deserve to hear about any work drama until you spill.”

“I think you are being overdramatic. And not that you need to know, but Connor heard from me,” Morgan shrugs, not daring to look at the nurse. Maggie had an eyebrow raised and was giving her a look; it was similar to the one she did during Jay and the doctor’s interaction.

“You two really have history don’t you?”

“Yeah, we’ve known each other for almost 15 years. He knew my sister first, but he and I were just closer.” At the mention of her sister, Maggie sends her friend a soft but the latter still isn’t looking. “And we made this ridiculous promise while we were drunk about how we were always gonna be there for each other, and yet, neither of us have broken that promise.” Morgan is quiet for a second as she thinks about the time she and Connor had as friends, but then she moves on. Like she always does when it comes to her personal life. She never lingers on it long enough for people to try and figure her out. “My vacation though was very quiet. Hayden and I drove up to a resort  up north and rented a cabin. We skied, went to spas, ate luxurious food. She had to leave for an assignment early so I just relaxed and did a little research too.”

“So you went all the way to a resort just to work, eventually.”

“The work’s never done Maggie,” with that Morgan leaves with a smile, heading to   the first patient of her day. Maggie just watches her receding back.

Before Morgan can make it into her assigned examination room, someone walks up to her, placing a gentle hand on her lower back.

“Hey Fitz,” Connor says, a small smile on his face.

“Fitz? No one’s called me that since med school,” she chuckles fully stopping to look at him. “What can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to welcome you back. You look good.”

“Yeah, I guess time off was vital. But I have to know,” she pauses, the anticipation building and Connor waiting. “Does everyone know about Olivia? I’d suspect everyone would come to you for some clarification.”

Connor pauses, contemplating whether or not to spew out a white lie. It was true a few people came and prodded for the truth. And he briefly heard whispered conversations among colleagues before they would stop when he got near, but he knew what the topic was. Connor also knew how private Morgan was. She always had been, and after Olivia’s death she just became more closed off. But she also didn’t like being lied to. “Yeah, people know. I’ve tried to handle it, but it has its own life.”

“I guess it’s okay. I just…. I don’t know.” She shrugs and Connor rests his hands on her upper arms.

“Will you be okay?” His voice is sincere and Morgan wants to hug him, but maybe not right now.

“I will be,” at that Connor is about to pull away but Morgan stops him. “Hey, I wanted to apologize for being a bitch before I left. You know how my family gets me.”

“I understand. I do. And I’ll always give you the space you need.”

“Yeah, I know. But I probably shouldn’t push away my best friend. I need you, especially now.”

Connor pulls Morgan into a quick hug and is going to say something but a commotion arises from the ambulance bay.

“Dr. Rhodes, can you get this, please?” The two doctors pull apart and turn to the pleading charge nurse. “We’re slammed.” 

“I’m on it!” He answers back and throws a ‘talk later’ look to Morgan over his shoulder.

She nods back to him and finally turns her direction to her primary goal. With notes open about the patient on the tablet and a smile on her face, Dr. Fitzgerald returns to work.

          ❦

Three hours later, Morgan is on a roll. Treating patients as quickly and efficiently as she could. She had seen her usual coworkers, except Will. She may or may not have been avoiding him. And it was about to get easier, because after her lunch break she was heading up the OBGYN. She loved emergency medicine, but always felt that there weren’t enough available people in the emergency room that specialized in the field. Just like Connor was pursuing cardiothoracic surgery and Natalie was focused on emergency pediatrics, Morgan focused on obstetric and gynecology emergencies. It interested her just as much as emergency medicine did and after losing a pregnant patient when she first got her match, the choice came easy to her.

“Dr. Fitzgerald.” Maggie calls, pulling the doctor in her direction.

“Yes ma’am. What can I do for you?” Morgan leans her body on the desk as the ensuing chaos of the emergency room flutters around them.

“I just need a signature here for your last patient’s discharge papers.” 

“No problem.” Morgan pulls out a pen from her pocket and signs the paperwork. During this, Will siddles up to her. Maggie notices first and wants to usher him away, since she (along with everyone) noticed that Morgan was ignoring him, but the redhead ignored the nurse’s glares and he turned to Morgan, who still hadn't noticed that he was there.

“Morgan.”

Morgan’s plump lips fold into a thin line as a breath catches in her throat, she was avoiding this. Slowly placing the pen back into her jacket, she finally lays her eyes on him. “Dr. Halstead.”

“It’s good to see you back.” He starts, trying to catch her eyes which were fluttering around the hospital floor, evading. “I was hoping we co–” a ringtone interrupts his words and Morgan notices it’s coming from her. She breathes out a sigh of relief when she pulls it out. It may have been petty, but she wanted to stay angry at him a little longer. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” Without a response, she answers the phone without looking at who it is, and walks away. “Hey, are you here?” She asked.

“Yeah, we’re in the parking garage, top floor.” His answer beckons her to start walking to the hospital employee parking lot.

“We?” Morgan questioned. 

“Yeah, Adam’s here.”

“Kevin!” She screeches, annoyance bubbling inside her. There was a reason she didn’t ask for Adam’s help.

“He’s my partner Morg, I couldn’t blow him off.” Kevin answers back and she pushes out an agitated sigh.

“Ugh, whatever. I’ll be up there in a few.” Morgan hands up and stuffs her cellphone back into her lab coat pocket.

The weather isn’t bad when Morgan hikes herself up to the top of the parking garage.  She can see the two policemen leisurely enjoying a cup of coffee.  She’d met Kevin years ago through his younger brother Jordan. The younger kid ended up in the hospital and Morgan was the one to treat him. They got to talking, found out they had some things in common, and it was one of the closest connections she made when she first moved out here and after Olivia’s death. Dating wasn’t an option between them, the way the two cared for each other was something close to two siblings and again, the fact that she dated Jay wasn’t helping. She didn’t want to dip her toe into the police dating pool again.

Morgan knew Adam through Kevin and Jay. And she made the mistake of introducing Adam to her roommate. Those two were quite the pair. Hayden used him as an inside source when it came to her articles and he used her to do things that he as a police officer legally couldn’t do (Morgan wasn’t necessarily supposed to know that though). Together, they made an agreement to warm each other’s bed when it was needed. Morgan of course thought it was stupid as Adam was a mess when it came to his love life, Hayden reassured that it was no strings attached and they were practically best friends when they weren’t sleeping together. 

Other than that, Morgan and Adam didn’t have a bad relationship, she didn’t want to ask him this favor because she knew he’d tell Hayden. And Morgan doesn’t want her roommate on her back.

“Hey boys,” Morgan called out to them, her body leaning through the open passenger window. She gives a strained smile to Adam and he gives her one back, knowing why she didn’t ask him to do the favor. Without saying anything, Kevin passes the folder she asked for.

It was surprisingly thinner than what she expected it to be. This killer has been on the loose for a while and she’d hoped that the police would listen to her anonymous tips that tried to tie together all his crimes. But the evidence showed that they didn’t.

“This is all they have Kev?” Morgan flips through the pages, disappointment written on her face. 

“Yeah.  I tried digging up some more, but that’s all that was available.”

“God, cops are so fucking useless.” She huffs out, completely missing the offended faces on the two detectives. “I have more in my own files than this. I tried taking it in, but I keep getting shut down.”

“Morgan, you can’t do this by yourself.” Adam finally speaks up, placing a hand on her wrist. She pulls her eyes away from the paperwork to him. 

“But it seems like no one else wants to do the work. Olivia’s case has gone cold and I feel like the longer that it goes unsolved, the harder it will be to get justice.” Olivia’s throat aches as a sob threatens to creep out. There are tears brimming in her eyes and she turns her body away from the two men.

“I understand that, doc. But, you already have to worry about your patients and yourself.” Adam starts, glancing at Kevin, trying to get his partner to say something. The black man is unsure what to say, he’d recently learned about Morgan’s sister when she first asked him to acquire the files. 

“Why don’t we take a look into it?” Kevin says and Adam wants to hit him upside the head. Adam had promised Hayden that he would help Morgan move on, which meant getting Olivia’s investigation out of her mind. If he and Kevin pursued this case, Morgan would never let it rest.

“Would you really do that?” Morgan almost throws herself into the car, hope filling in her chest. “You’d do actual investigating?” Kevin hesitates when he meets eye contact with Adam,  but the look on Morgan’s face destroys him.

“Yeah, I’ll try to do some work in between my regular caseload.” There’s a soft smile on Kevin’s face while Adam sighs out then turns his head to look at the giddy doctor.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me Kevin. You too, Adam.” Before the second man could say anything, Morgan’s phone goes off indicating the arrival for one of her pregnant patients. “Looks like I have to go. Why don’t you come over tonight and I’ll give you everything that I have.” She smiles at both of them. “And Adam, please don’t tell Hayden or Jay.”

“Jay?” Adam questions. He understood why she didn’t want him to tell Hayden, but Jay?

“Yeah, Jay. The two of us are in a really good spot right now and I don’t want to jeopardize that anymore that it already has been.” Adam nods, understanding. “I’ll see you guys later.” With that, Morgan makes her way back into the hospital.

          ❦

Between patients Morgan finds herself peeking into the folder that Kevin gave her. One name stands: Isaac Elway. Apparently, his sister was a victim to the same killer that ended Olivia’s life. Details of the horrific crime, along with her sisters, were displayed in the paperwork. Morgan’s read the information about Olivia’s case numerous times before, but it still breaks her heart and it constantly keeps her up at night.

When she has no more patients, she pulls out a card with number on it. It’s Elway’s. She dials the number, her fingernail being demolished by the teeth in her mouth. She didn’t know why she was so nervous, she’d been searching for answers for years. This was the first time she had heard of Elway and she had to know what he knew. Why was phone number in the file? Was he that important.

The phone rings and anxiety rises in Morgan’s throat. Eventually she had to get answers, that’s why she had Kevin looking into more details. No one answers the other line, just the automated voicemail message and a beep. Morgan quickly debates in her head whether or not to leave a message,  but ultimately she does.

“Hi, Mr. Elway this Dr. Morgan Fitzgerald at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center.  I am calling in regards to Sabrina Elway’s case file and it’s relation to another case. This isn’t a topic would like to discuss over the phone so I’d appreciate it if you would give me a call back. Thank you.” She hangs up the call and shoves the phone back into the pocket of her scrubs. 

“Dr. Fitzgerald, I need an OB consult on a patient?” Dr. Reese pokes her head through the door, oblivious to the emotions ripping the attending.

“Yeah, give me a moment.  I’ll be there.” The intern nods her head and retreats back towards the nurse’s central desk.

Morgan watches Sarah leave and then her eyes graze over the presence of her fellow doctors and the patients inhabiting the emergency room. She needed to accept that she will get her answers soon and that she could not speed the process of the world. She couldn’t afford getting distracted or she’d put herself and her patients in danger. She leaves the doctor’s lounge and heads back to her job, finally relinquishing control of her sister’s case.

Part Five

[echoes-of-the-clockwork]

Book Four: War (Gladiolus x Reader) Chapter Thirteen

A/n: This chapter is just a filler one and takes place mainly on the boat. I tried to cut down on the dialogue, but there's still tons of it in this chapter. Feel free to skip it! Love you all!!! ••••••••••••••••••••

A couple days later, the royal retinue returned to Cape Caem. They'd taken on a handful of hunts while they were in Lestallum in order to get some more gil before heading to Altissia.

Arriving back at Cape Caem, the group decided to rest for the remainder of the day and depart for Altissia in the morning. Gladio ate the lunch Iris offered him and his friends before heading upstairs to one of the vacant rooms. Recently, he'd been needing more time to himself due to what transpired in the nightmare. Ever since the moment he was about to kiss (Y/n) two days ago in the nightmare, it hadn't returned and his sleep was peaceful.

Every now and then, Gladio would check his pocket to make sure he still had the summoning orb. Even more often, he would try to summon (Y/n). Unfortunately, she heeded none of his calls, but that didn't stop him from trying. He wanted to apologize for his careless question and reestablish the bond he had with her.

Gladio eyes the summoning orb in his palm just as the door to the room opened. Iris entered and noticed what her brother's attention was fixed on. "Hey, Gladdy. Noctis told me (Y/n) wasn't with you guys anymore. What happened?"

"I wasn't thinking and opened my big mouth," he confessed. "I wanted to explain, but she stormed off before I could. Haven't seen her since."

"I know (Y/n) has a temper, but she's usually good about listening to others. What you said must've really made her mad."

"I pretty much deserve a punch to the face for what I said."

Iris sighed, "Well, at least you're honest. I'd gladly punch you in the face for (Y/n)'s sake. You really don't think before you say some things, Gladdy. And now, you've hurt someone because of it."

"I know..." Gladio mumbled sorrowfully. "I want to make this right, but (Y/n)'s ignoring me."

She patted him on the shoulder. "Give her some time. I'm sure she'll come back."

"Hope you're right about that, Iris."

"You know I am!" She smiled confidently.

Gladio followed his sister out of the room and walked down the stairs. He walked out of the house and froze when he saw Ignis chatting with an ivory-haired girl. He sauntered over, wondering who the mysterious girl was.

Hearing his footsteps, the girl spun around and offered him a smile. "Ah, you must be Gladio. A pleasure to meet you."

The shield glanced between the two and noticed how polite the girl was when she spoke. He grinned, crossing his arms. "Didn't know there was a female version of Iggy out there."

"Gladio," Ignis chided.

"It's all right, Ignis," the violet-eyed girl said. "I am Pestilence. War asked me to check in with your companions when they went to the Vesperpool while you sought to fight against Gilgamesh."

Hearing she was one of the Four Horsemen, Gladio asked about the redhead. "Think you could send (Y/n) my way?"

"She told me what happened between the two of you," Pestilence stated. "However, I believe she needs more time to clear her head. She will come when you call once she's settled the turmoil in her heart."

"Damn..." Gladio scratched the back of his head. "I fucked up royally."

"Time is what she needs most of now, but please do not give up on her. Ever since joining your group, she has changed for the better. She is more lively and joyful."

"Trust me, I won't give up on her."

Pestilence nodded. "Thank you for understanding, Gladio." She them clapped her hands together. "Now then, I should be leaving. I've still my own target to hunt. I wish you all well in Altissia."

"We do appreciate your assistance," Ignis said.

"I'm glad I could be of service. Farewell."

Gladio and Ignis watched the girl as she vanished in a puff of smoke before heading back to the house to recuperate from their many hunts for the rest of the day.

<------------<<<<<

Once morning rolled around, Noctis, Prompto, Gladio, and Ignis were ready to depart for Altissia. They ride the elevator in the lighthouse down to a basement area in a seaside cave. They exited the elevator and made their way to the hidden harbor where the boat waited for them.

In the makeshift living room stood Talcott, Iris, Cid and Cor. The little boy shouted excitedly as he addressed Noctis. "Look, Prince Noctis! Even the marshal came to say goodbye!"

When Noctis and his companions reach the bottom of the stairs, Cor spoke up. "Something I gotta get off my chest."

"What's that?" The raven-haired boy questioned.

A somewhat melancholic expression washed over the marshal's face. "I'm sorry. Sorry I wasn't there for your father. I swore an oath to protect the king, but I wasn't strong enough to uphold it."

"Ain't nothin' nobody could've done to stop what happened," Cid interjected himself into the conversation.

"Yeah, I realize that," Noctis said.

"But you need to realize just what you mean to the boys by your side."

He nodded. "I do."

Cid glanced towards Prompto, Gladio, and Ignis. "Even if they can't solve your problems, you can't hide what's goin' on from 'em. It hurts like hell. Remember-those ain't your bodyguards, they're your brothers. Trust in 'em. Always."

Noctis looked towards his closest friends in silence, clinging to what Cid said. He kept those words in mind as he, Prompto, Gladio, and Ignis boarded the boat. Cid followed shortly after, heading towards the helm and starting the engine. Gradually, the sea vessel pulls away from the dock.

From the dock, Talcott and Iris watch the boat leave. The young boy suddenly shouts out to Noctis. "Hey! Your Majesty!"

Noctis walks toward the railing of the boat and met Talcott's gaze. "What's up?"

"Please come back soon! We need our king!"

Noctis nodded with a faint smile. "Yeah. Count on it."

Talcott and Iris wave goodbye and Noctis waves back.

The boat leaves Cape Caem and soon entered open waters. The gleaming water of the vast ocean greeted them, the sun's warm rays bouncing off the surface. Prompto, who was sitting on the cushy bench, sighed in content as the wind blew through his blonde locks. "Y'know, I've always wanted to go sailing like this."

"Not many opportunities living in Insomnia," Gladio stated.

"Out here, it's just us and the horizon! It's amazing-it's life changing!"

"We've quite a ways to go until we reach Altissia, so keep gushing to your heart's content," Ignis said.

Prompto leaned back against the bench. "When we step off the boat, we'll be in a foreign country."

"The anticipation alone is a foreign sensation."

"And to think this is where we were headed to begin with," Gladio chimed in.

"We've been through a lot," Noctis stated.

"And there's still more to come," the advisor added.

"So next on the docket is Leviathan," the blonde said.

Gladio turned his gaze out towards the sea, remembering the image of Leviathan from the nightmare. "A giant serpent, huh?"

"How'd you know that?" Noctis asked.

Realizing his mistake, the shield turned around and tried to keep from explaining the nightmare. "Have you already forgotten? (Y/n) was a queen who was once in the same position as you. She might've mentioned a thing or two about Leviathan."

"Oh, right..." Prompto muttered. He looked away from the brute with a knowing expression. "Too bad we can't ask for her help because a certain someone chased her off..."

The shield glowered at him. "I didn't chase her off."

"Hey, you said something that made her mad," Noctis said. "So, you kinda did chase her off."

Seeing no point in arguing, Gladio crossed his arms. "Even if she was here, you'd still have to face Leviathan on your own."

"She could've given me a few pointers."

The conversation continued on as Prompto changed the subject from (Y/n) to Lady Lunafreya. Noctis and Ignis also chatted of the Oracle while Gladio casted his gaze back out across the sea. When hearing the subject of their conversation move to the Ring of Lucii and how Lunafreya got her hands on it, he wondered how War was able to control the Crystal of Vanaheim. Unlike her kingdom, Lucis used the ring to harness the Crystal's power. Now he had even more questions he wanted to ask her.

"The ring is important, and so is Leviathan-but Luna comes first," Noctis said.

"You know, I was thinking back to our encounter with Ravus," Ignis confessed.

"Hmm?" The raven-haired boy hummed.

"Do you recall an apparatus in place of his arm?" The strategist asked.

It was then Gladio rejoined the conversation. "Yeah, I remember."

"Seems he lost his old one in the invasion. But in its place, he seems to have acquired new power."

"Power?" Noctis parroted.

"That would help explain how a son of Tenebrae suddenly came to command Niflheim's army," Gladio said.

"Now that you mention it, his strength did seems sorta...supernatural. I just chalked it up to the Oracle lineage," Prompto stated.

"His ancestry may be part of it, but that alone wouldn't account for his freakish strength."

Noctis' eyes narrowed as he mumbled, "I wonder what could've happened to him?"

"There's a disturbing rumor about. Lord Ravus has taken to brandishing His Majesty's sword," Ignis informed the group.

"My dad's?"

"And what's the big idea behind that?" Gladio inquired with a faint growl.

"That his power's the same as the power of kings?" Prompto wondered.

"I cannot say for sure, but I have my doubts. Ravus wears the sword, yet does not wield it," the strategist answered.

"For all his newfound powers, he's still the chancellor's lapdog...holding on to the enemy king's sword like some badge of honor," Gladio spat in disdain.

"It might help if we knew what he was after." Prompto's eyes widen as he recalls what (Y/n) told them after encountering Ravus at Aracheole Stronghold. "Hey, didn't (Y/n) say something about the empire wanting to control the monsters from the Inner Sanctum?"

"Yeah. What about it?" Noctis asked.

"Do you think the two are connected? Y'know, the sword and the monsters."

"It's difficult to say," Ignis stated.

"We probably would know more if (Y/n) were here," the blonde sighed.

"Seriously," Noctis groaned.

Gladio glared at the two younger boys. "You two aren't gonna let this go, are you?"

"Nope."

"Never," Prompto cackled.

Gladio rolled his eyes, tuning out the conversation once again. He pulled out the Vanaheim coin from his pocket and admired as the crystal reflected the sun. Even the black symbol engraved on the coin was shiny. Unbeknownst to the shield, the others ceased talking when seeing what was in his hand.

Noctis was the first to ask. "What's that?"

"A coin from Vanaheim. (Y/n) said it was the currency her kingdom used." Gladio lifted his gaze from the coin and tossed it towards him.

Noctis caught the coin and examined it closely. "Damn, this is what they used to pay for things?"

Prompto peered down at the coin with sparkling eyes. "It's so pretty!"

"Where did you get this?" Ignis pried.

"Gilgamesh had it. Apparently, some of (Y/n)'s ancestors sought him out to test their own skills," Gladio explained. "He also said the queen and this coin are all that remains of Vanaheim."

"Well that's...sad," Noctis muttered.

"But what about the second Crystal?" Prompto asked. "It's gotta be in one piece if (Y/n)'s still able to use its power, right?"

"If you wanna try and find it by swimming to the deepest parts of the ocean, be my guest, Blondie. But I don't think you'll make it far," Gladio said. "Y'know, with the water pressure and lack of sunlight."

"Although the Crystal of Vanaheim is still actively being used by (Y/n), it is out of reach. No one could possibly reach the depths and claim it," Ignis claimed.

Noctis gave the coin back to Gladio and all went silent for a few minutes until Prompto began to whine. "Are we there yet?"

Gladio arched a brow in bewilderment. "Didn't you just say you always wanted to go sailing?"

"Yeah, but all this ocean gets kinda bland after a while."

"Last time I checked it was "amazing" and "life-changing.""

Eventually, Cid spoke up after being silent since they left Cape Caem. He kept his eyes focused on the ocean ahead while sparking up a conversation with Noctis. "So, soon you'll have yer old man's ring back."

Noctis nodded. "Yeah. When we arrive in Altissia."

"Good thing. To him, it was his heritage."

"Is that what my dad said?"

"Carrying a royal line ain't a task to be taken lightly. For a small thing, that ring can sure weigh heavy. After he became king, I only ever saw his face in the paper."

"Wait-weren't you at the coronation?" Gladio asked.

Cid shook his head. "Nah, I was long gone from the city."

"Must've been invited at least," the raven-haired boy commented.

"Had a fallin' out o' sorts with your old man. Right at the end of the trip."

Prompto blinked in shock. "You did?"

"I was given to understand you stayed in touch," Ignis said.

"We buried the hatchet years later, but never talked face to face again. Shoulda paid a visit while I had the chance. Well, no use dwellin' on it now. Got the Regalia in the hold, but y'all gonna stay in Altissia for a good while, right?" Cid inquired.

"Yes, we believe so," the strategist replied.

"In that case, I'll tune her up for y'all. Not that I'll have much to do, though, what with Cindy lookin' after the old girl."

"If you say she's good, she must be great," Prompto stated.

"She was never afraid o' hard work. Heaven knows she had a hard childhood."

"A hard childhood"?" The marksman reiterated.

"He means her parents," Gladio clarified.

"Lost 'em both when she was little. Was big enough to understand, though...an' to hurt. But ya wouldn't guess that, seein' her now," Cid explained.

"Not at all. She's always so cheerful," Prompto said.

"Well, that oughta tell ya how far she's come."

Another silence befell the group. Gladio, wishing to slay the tranquility, spoke to Cid. "Man, you must have seen your fair share of Altissia by now."

"Yeah... Only done been the once. Stayed a good while, though," the old man stated.

Prompto was curious about the city and asked, "What's it like?"

"Big ol' city."

Noctis was slightly amused by his response. ""Big." Okay."

"Well, it ain't the Crown City."

""Different." Got it."

"You'll see for yourself: foreign lands seldom lend themselves to trite explanations," Ignis said.

"Change o' scenery oughta do you good," Cid claimed.

Gladio crosses his arms with a huff. "Well, I'm all talked out. Can't be far to Altissia now, right?"

"We'll be there in no time. Nice having the wind at our backs."

"Lodgings are our first order of business," Ignis stated matter-of-factly.

"All work and no play..." Prompto began.

"Makes Ignis a dull boy," Noctis finished.

Gladio glanced between the two younger boys. "Someone has to babysit you two."

"And you're welcome to sleep in the wild," the advisor added.

"Ain't no hotel, but I know a fella has a place," Cid spoke up. "Weskham-ran with Reggie and me way back when."

Prompto's curiosity blossomed. "Oh, was he the other one in that photo at the garage?"

"Yep. Runs himself a diner or café or somethin'. Go and see for yourselves."

"Sure," Noctis replied.

"Does the place have a name?" Gladio pondered.

Cid thought for a few seconds before a few names came to mind. ""Magee"? Or "Magoo"? Or-"Maagho," that's the one."

"Nice," the raven-haired boy commented.

"You can count on ol' Wes. He'll chew your ears off."

Suddenly, the radio turns on as the boat enters the waterway leading into Altissia. "The government issued a statement promising that the reasons behind awakening the Hydraean would be clarified in the ceremonial address. Delivering the address will be Lady Lunafreya, who was previously reported dead. This will mark her first public appearance since the violence that befell the signing ceremony."

Prompto had been listening to the broadcast. "Lady Lunafreya's gonna give a speech?"

"Sounds like it," Gladio said.

"Lord knows-this world could use some wisdom," Cid sighed.

"Won't be much longer now, Noct," Ignis stated.

Noctis nodded with a small smile. "Yeah."

The boat pulls up to a guard who stands along the waterway. Cid shows him the entry permit for the vessel and the guard approved. He then drives the boat on ahead and heads towards the dock. There, he carefully docks the boat and everyone hops off. They make their way toward the city, but were stopped when arriving at a customer queue. Noctis walks up to where some gatekeepers await and was stopped by one. "Sir! What is the purpose of your visit?"

Noctis was taken aback. "Purpose? Uh..."

"They're with me," a cheerful voice proclaimed.

Prompto recognizes the voice immediately and beamed happily. "You're here!"

The gatekeeper let them through while Cid returned to the boat. Famine smiled at the marksman once they entered the city. "War told us you'd be arriving in Altissia soon. Knowing what the empire is planning, we put our hunts aside to help you."

"Uh, "us"?" Noctis parroted. "Does that mean..."

She nodded. "Death, Pestilence, and War are also in the city."

"You four sure are everywhere," Gladio commented.

"Well, nice to know we won't be alone," Noctis said.

"I'm quite familiar with Altissia," Famine said. "What's your first course of action?"

"To secure lodging," Ignis answered.

"Then let's head to the Leville first."

The royal retinue followed the Horseman through the bustling streets of Altissia. It was a short walk to the hotel and Ignis was able to secure a room for them. Once they settled in their room, they headed to the lobby where Famine was patiently waiting for them. Prompto was the fastest out of the group to make his way over to the emerald-eyed girl.

Noctis, Gladio, and Ignis saw him ask her something, but they weren't exactly sure what until they pried. "What're you two plannin'?" The shield questioned.

"I-I was simply asking her if she could give a me a tour of Altissia later," Prompto responded with a faint blush.

"Which I happily agreed to. But for now, where do you all need to go next?" Famine inquired.

"You familiar with a place called Maagho?" Noctis responded with his own question.

"Yep! Follow me!"

[spn-safeandsound]

01. The Beginning

Safe and Sound

Dean Winchester x Original Character

Episode: 1x01; Pilot

Word Count: 10,001

Warning(s): Mature language, canon violence and gore, dirty thoughts

Author’s Note: Here is the first chapter of my Supernatural rewrite! I hope you like Julia! Just know that more of her personality is shown the further we go along. Let me know what you think. Don’t forget to reblog and like!

Masterlist in Profile Description!

Throwing the damp motel towel on the dresser, Dean wandered over to the bed he didn't plan on using to zip open his duffel of clothes. He quickly pulled on one of the last clean pairs of jeans he had and a black t-shirt that he sniffed to make sure didn't stink. He had only managed to slip the necklace Sam gave him years ago over his head when there was a knock at the door.

Dean paused, narrowing his eyes over at the door covered in chipped red paint. He had just paid for the room and didn't plan on staying more than a couple of hours. He didn't think that gave anyone much time to know that he was in town. Besides, the only two people he knew in Palo Alto didn't even know he was there.

He grabbed his gun and held it cautiously behind his back, peeking through the peephole. He didn't see much, just the top of a girl's head. And then the girl stepped onto her tip toes and waved at him, knowing that he was watching her.

"Trick or treat!"

Dean pressed his lips together and set his gun back down on the table. He opened the door and set his unimpressed expression on the younger woman, who smiled sweetly at him.

"What are you doing here, Julia?"

Julia Petersen didn't drop her smile as she slipped past him into the motel room. Dean rolled his eyes, already exasperated with her, and shut the door. He looked her up and down as she paced around the room, studying the furniture with a curious gaze.

She was dressed in a black t-shirt with a ridiculous cartoon ghost on it and khaki shorts that made her legs seem longer than they actually looked. When she turned toward the bathroom, he got a look at her ass and almost groaned before controlling himself.

This is Julia, he reminded himself, cute little Julia who is six fucking years younger than you.

"Julia."

"Right," Julia shook her head to focus and turned back to Dean. "I was looking for some candy but I guess someone's not in the mood for Halloween."

"Halloween's stupid."

"Yeah, I know," Julia rolled her eyes and wandered over to his duffle bag. "All you Winchesters are the same."

"Woah, hey," Dean rushed toward her and pulled her hands away from his clothes. "Keep your hands to yourself, Junior."

"Sorry, I forgot about the weird boundaries you have," Julia gave him an innocent smile and sat on the bed.

"They're not weird. Everyone has them."

"Not me."

"That's cause you're crazy," Dean playfully snapped at her

"That's true," she conceded. "Uh, what was your question again?"

Dean sighed impatiently. It had been almost a year since he had seen Julia and he was already getting annoyed with her. He wouldn't say that she was annoying all the time but she was a kid. A kid who never stopped talking, was always distracted, and the human embodiment of sunshine.

"What are you doing here," he repeated. "and how the hell did you find me?"

"Oh, I tracked your phone," Julia informed him. "and I'm here because Dad left me a message to find you."

"Luke told you to find me?" Dean asked thoughtfully.

If Luke had asked his youngest daughter to find Dean, he probably knew about his dad being missing. Why else would he want Julia to find him? She was already with Sam so it wasn't like she needed protection.

"Yup."

"Well, what'd he say?"

"He said that John was missing and that you needed my help to find him," Julia informed him, scratching her cheek nervously. He caught her tell, having experience from over the years.

"You're lying," he pointed out; she pouted. "Seriously, Julia. Come on."

"I'm not lying about that," Julia stated honestly. "but...I did kind of have a bad feeling."

"What kind of bad feeling? Like you ate something bad for lunch or you forgot to do your taxes?" Dean raised his eyebrows.

Julia's smile slipped from her face. "The kind of feeling where I knew I needed to find you. My dad's message just confirmed it."

Dean appraised her, pressing his lips together. When she was growing up, Julia had bad feelings all the time. There was one time that she knew that her older sister, Beth, had broken her arm and when he used to indulge Sam and Julia and play hide and seek with them, she would find him every time without fail. It was common knowledge that she had some kind of sixth sense but no one really talked about it.

"Okay," he accepted her answer. "Is that it?"

"That's it," Julia nodded, a smile back on her face. "What time were you going to talk to Sam? I wouldn't wait long because we're going out tonight. Well, maybe it would be best if you waited to talk to him until after he was drunk. He might be more likely to hear you out. It's gonna be hard to convince him to go with us but—"

"Hold your horses, Junior," Dean cut her off. "I already had a plan."

"And that is?"

"Private."

Julia fixed him with an unimpressed stare. "If you break into my apartment I'm gonna kill you."

"I won't break into your apartment," Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm not a heathen."

Julia hummed, giving him a doubtful look.

"Okay, anything else you needed?" Dean sighed.

"Nope," Julia jumped up from the bed walked toward the door. "I'll be packed and ready by the time you come to get us."

"Sure thing," Dean nodded sarcastically. "Now leave."

"Oh, one more thing—"

"Nope. Bye," Dean gently pushed her out of the room and shut the door before she could finish what she was going to say.

"Dean!"

-

-

Julia heard the crash out in the living room and sighed, shaking her head as she finished shoving a pair of boots into one of her duffle bags. She had warned Dean not to break into the apartment and he had said he wouldn't but he lied to her face. She had to start getting better at detecting lies, especially if she was gonna be trained to be a hunter.

She was actually excited to go on the road with Dean. She had wanted to be a hunter for a long time. It had been years and her father still hadn't trained her like he trained her older sister, Abby. He had told her to get an education, which she did, and then they'd see. Well, it was now that time and she was itching to learn everything.

Her family had always been in the business of hunting supernatural creatures. Her father's side, the Alexanders, was a well-known family in the world of the supernatural as they had a special talent for getting rid of demons. Her mother's side of the family—the Petersens—were famous, too, though not for the same reason.

Her mother's family owned Petersen Sports Co., a sports store that catered to regular citizens who needed soccer balls and football pads but also to hunters who needed salt rounds, holy water, and all the guns and knives they could buy. The secret hunter part of the store also provided ways to get ahold of other hunters and provided lawyers in case something went south during a hunt. It was a family business, with her older brother Levi as head of sales, Beth and her husband—Taylor—as lawyers for the company, and her Aunt Maggie as CEO.

Either way, she was a bit of a legacy. And, since Abby was the only child out of the four who had gone into the hunting business so far, Julia had to step up.

Julia finished packing by setting her backpack on top of her other bags and left the room. As soon as she entered the hallway, she ran into Jess, Sam's girlfriend and one of her closest friends.

"Jules, I think Sam's fighting off a robber," Jess said hurriedly, cheeks flushed. "Should we call the police?"

"No, no, it's fine," Julia hurried to assure her. "Sam and I were expecting someone."

"At one in the morning?"

"...Yes," Julia laughed awkwardly. "Come on, I'll show you."

Jess nodded and by the time they entered the living room, the fighting between Sam and Dean had stopped. Julia flipped on the lights in the living room, illuminating the Winchester brothers so she and Jess could see them clearly.

"Sam?" Jess called her boyfriend's name, looking wearily between him and his older brother.

"Jess, hey," Sam sighed and introduced her to Dean. "Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica."

"Wait," Jess paused, giving Julia a curious look; Julia nodded. "your brother, Dean?"

Dean grinned sleazily at her, his eyes flitting up and down Jess' model figure. She wasn't dressed the most modestly but it was nighttime and Julia's usual pajamas showed just as much skin.

"I love the Smurfs," Dean complimented her, gesturing to the low-cut top Jess was wearing. "You know, I gotta tell you, you are completely out of my brother's league."

Julia rolled her eyes while Jess gave him an unimpressed smile. "Just let me put something on."

"No, no, I wouldn't dream of it," Dean shook his head coyly. "Seriously."

"Dean, stop being a creep," Julia sighed, smirking at the annoyed look he sent her.

"Mind your own, Junior," he snarked at her and then addressed Jess again. "Anyway, I've gotta borrow my brother and this dwarf here—" Julia scoffed in offense. "—to talk about some private family business. Nice meeting you."

"No," Sam objected, walking over to Jess' other side, wrapping an arm around her. "No, whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of her."

Dean looked over to Julia and she shrugged, giving him the choice of whether or not he would divulge what was going on. He must have decided that he would just tell Sam anyway because he gave in.

"Okay," he nodded. "Um, Dad hasn't been home in a few days."

"So, he's working overtime on a Miller-Time shift," Sam shrugged, not worried about his estranged father. "He'll stumble back in sooner or later."

Dean pressed his lips together and looked at his feet for a brief second before looking back at Sam. "Dad's on a hunting trip," he elaborated. "and he hasn't been home in a few days."

Sam's face went blank like it usually did when Julia brought up their families and what they did for a living.

"Jess, excuse us."

-

"What did Dean mean by his dad being on a hunting trip?" Jess asked as Julia tied her hair up in a messy bun and packed her toiletries that she had almost forgotten. "Sam seemed pretty upset about it."

"Well, John Winchester had always been a fan of hunting," Julia sighed, scratching her cheek. "Big game, as far as I know. Usually he gets drunk and passes out for a few days before heading back home."

Jess made an indignant noise. "Charming."

"Yeah, no kidding," Julia agreed, giving her an amused smile. "That's John, all right."

"Poor Sam," Jess sighed as they moved back to Julia's room; Julia made a noise of agreement. "So, why do you have to go with them again?"

"My dad called earlier and asked me to," Julia informed her. "I found Dean earlier today and it seems like he's really concerned."

"Well, how long are you gonna be gone?" Jess' eyes scoured over Julia's two duffle bags and backpack. "You're packed for a long time."

"I'll be back by Christmas," she assured the blonde. "and Sam will be home in time to make his interview. I'll make sure of it."

Jessica sighed heavily but nodded, knowing that Sam would probably give in and go with his brother and Julia for the weekend.

"Just be safe, okay?" she requested. "For me?"

"Course I will," Julia gave her a quick hug and grabbed one of her duffle bags, along with her backpack. "I'll send Sam up, okay?"

"Okay," Jess nodded. "Bye, Jules."

"See you later, Jess."

Julia left the apartment and made her way down the stairs, through the gate, and to the parking lot where she assumed Dean parked. She spotted the two giants across the lot and quickly approached them just as Dean was convincing Sam to listen about the case John was hunting.

Dean nodded at her in greeting and grabbed her bag, dropping it onto the concrete before unlocking his trunk. He pulled up the flap that hid the weapons underneath and began rummaging through the various guns, spell ingredients, knives, and other things necessary for hunting.

"Where the fuck did I put that thing?" Dean mumbled, looking for something.

Julia and Sam exchanged a pointed look, knowing that Dean was a slob for the most part, and waited patiently for Dean to grab whatever he was looking for.

"So, when your dad left, why didn't you go with him?" Julia asked him curiously.

"I was working my own gig," Dean answered. "Some voodoo thing down in New Orleans."

Sam raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?"

Dean gave him a pointed look. "I'm twenty-six, dude," he located a manila folder and pulled it out of the trunk, grabbing some papers that he had printed off. "All right, here we go. So, Dad was checking out this two-lane blacktop just outside of Jericho, California."

"About a month ago, this guy went missing," he continued, handing some of the articles to Sam and the rest to Julia. "They found his car but he vanished, completely M.I.A.."

Sam scanned the article on top of his pile. "So maybe he was kidnapped."

"This article is from April," Julia spoke up, showing Sam the articles she had been going through. "And this one is from December of '04."

"There's one for '03, '98, '92," Dean added. "ten of them over the past twenty years. All men, all same five mile stretch of road. It started happening more and more, so Dad went to go dig around. That was about three weeks ago. I hadn't heard from him since, which is bad enough, but," he pulled a recording device out of the trunk. "then I get this voicemail yesterday."

He pressed play and John Winchester's voice came out of the small speaker. "Dean...something big is starting to happen.  I think it's serious. I need to try and figure out what's going on. It may...Be very careful, Dean. We're all in danger."

"You know there's EVP on that?" Sam looked to Dean.

Dean smiled, pleased. "Not bad, Sammy. Kinda like riding a bike, isn't it?"

Sam shook his head while Julia chuckled.

"All right, I slowed the message down, ran it through a gold wave, took out the hiss, and this is what I got..." he pressed play again.

It was a woman's voice this time. "I can never go home."

Julia shivered at the creepy voice while Dean looked at Sam expectantly.

"Never go home," Sam repeated thoughtfully.

Dean nodded and set the recording device back into the trunk, along with the articles he had collected. He threw Julia's bag in, shut the trunk, and leaned on it, giving Sam his version of a guilt trip and puppy-dog eyes.

"You know, in almost two years, I've never bothered you or asked you for a thing."

Sam sighed, quickly giving in. "All right, I'll go. I'll help you find him."

Dean smiled happily.

"But I have to get back first thing Monday," Sam informed him, turning away to walk back to his apartment. "Just wait here."

"What's first thing Monday?" Dean called after him

"I have an interview," Sam told him.

"What, a job interview?" Dean shrugged. "Skip it."

"It's a law school interview," Sam said proudly. "and it's my whole future on a plate."

"Law school?" Julia saw that Dean looked a little impressed.

Sam nodded. "So, we got a deal or not?"

Dean didn't say anything but Sam got the gist that he agreed with him. Julia told him to bring down her last bag as he ran off to the apartment stairs, getting a wave of confirmation in return.

"How many damn bags do you need, anyway?" Dean asked Julia as she turned toward him with a happy smile.

"Three," she told him simply. "Clothes, shoes, toiletries, books, schoolwork, computer."

"Jesus Christ," Dean sighed as he stood from his position against the Impala's trunk and started walking to the driver's seat. "You're in the back, shortcake."

Julia grumbled, already annoyed with the short jokes, and slipped into the backseat. She pulled her pillow into her chest and snuggled into it, getting ready for the long drive to Jericho.

-

The breeze was cool and welcoming as they stopped at a gas station, just outside of Jericho, California. It was still early in the morning, around seven, but all three of them were already up. Dean was inside, getting some things to eat and drink while Sam went through Dean's cassette collection and Julia read through her emails.

"Did you see these, J?" Sam asked her, sorting through the cardboard box the cassettes were kept in. "He's got cassettes. I don't think he's heard of a CD before."

"Uh, Dean doesn't like change, remember?" Julia shrugged. "It's not really surprising he has every old white man's collection of music."

Sam laughed and continued his search. Eventually, Dean came out of the gas station, carrying a plastic bag of goodies he had scored.

"Want breakfast?" he asked them as he started pumping gas.

"No, thanks," Sam mumbled.

"Oh, did you get the—?"

"Cherry cheese Danish and apple juice," Dean cut Julia off, slipping them through her open window.

"Thanks!" Julia immediately tore open the Danish, taking a large bite out of it.

"So, how'd you pay for that stuff?" Sam asked cautiously. "You and Dad still running credit card scams."

"Yeah, well, hunting ain't exactly a pro-ball career," Dean excused himself, finishing with the gas. "Besides, all we do is apply. It's not our fault they send us the cards."

"Yeah and what names did you write on the application this time?"

"Uh," Dean slipped into his seat. "Burt Aframian and his son, Hector. Scored two cards out of the deal."

Sam scoffed. "Sounds about right," he shook his head. "I swear, man, you've gotta update your cassette tape collection."

"Why?"

"Because they're cassette tapes," Julia spoke up, finished her breakfast with a sip of apple juice. "And then there's the music itself."

"Black Sabbath, Motorhead, Metallica," Sam listed the tapes he had been through. "It's the greatest hits of mullet rock."

"Ooh, good one," Julia giggled.

Dean gave them annoyed looks, not liking the fact that they were gaining up on him, and grabbed the Metallica tape from the box. "Well, house rules, Sammy," he put the tape in the stereo. "Driver picks the music, shotgun—and backseat—shut their cakeholes."

Julia rolled her eyes while Sam gave Dean an exasperated look.

"You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old," he reminded Dean as the tape started, not fond of his childhood nickname. "It's Sam, okay?"

"Sorry, I can't hear you!" Dean said loudly, a cheeky smile on his face. "The music's too loud!"

Julia laughed and leaned forward so her chin rested on the seat between the brothers. "Don't worry, Sam, you weren't chubby when you were twelve."

Sam gave her a flat look. "Thanks, J."

Julia winked at him and leaned back in her seat. While Dean drove closer to Jericho, Sam took the time to call the hospital and the morgue in town to see if there was anyone matching John's description. It was only when they were five miles out of town that he got off the phone.

"All right," he sighed. "so, there's no one matching Dad at the hospital or the morgue. So, that's something, I guess."

Dean raised his eyebrows and nodded. Julia shut her Bible, as she had started to reread Romans for her New Testament class, when they came upon the bridge that went into Jericho. There was what looked to be an abandoned car, a cop car ahead with its lights on, and a couple of police officers milling about.

"Check it out," Dean pointed the scene out to Sam and Julia.

He pulled to a stop at the side of the road and leaned over to the passenger side of the car, opening the glovebox and pulling out a box. The box contained numerous fake FBI badges with Dean and John's names on them; Dean picked a federal marshal badge out of the box and smirked at Sam and Julia.

"Let's go."

Julia didn't think that plaid and jeans—and in her case, a t-shirt and shorts—were the best clothing they could be wearing while they pretended that they were agents of the law. She didn't even have a badge, nor did Sam, and they were all kind of young to be federal marshals. Nevertheless, she got out of the car and followed Sam and Dean over to the police officers on the bridge.

"All right, first lesson," Dean quickly looked back at Julia. "Stay quiet and observe."

Julia fought the urge to roll her eyes and smiled brightly at him, acting like she was zipping her lips. Dean sighed heavily and continued on, giving Sam a pointed look that Julia caught but didn't react to.

As they got closer to the bridge, they saw that the officers had search and rescue down in the river, looking for the missing man.

"No sign of struggle, no footprints, no fingerprints," one of the officers told his partner. "Spotless. It's almost too clean."

The other officer nodded. "So, this kid, Troy, he's dating your daughter, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

"How's Amy doing?"

"She's putting up missing posters downtown," the first officer informed him, shaking his head.

"You fellas had another one like this just last month, didn't you?" Dean announced their presence, raising his voice so the officers could hear him.

The second officer looked toward them, straightening up so he stood taller. "And who are you?"

Dean held up his badge and quickly closed it before the officer had a good look. "Federal marshals," he gestured between himself and Sam before pointing back at Julia. "Intern."

"You two are a little young for marshals, aren't you?" the officer asked suspiciously.

Ha! Julia thought. I knew it.

Dean chuckled. "Thanks, that's awfully kind of you," he walked over to the victim's car. "You did have another one just like this, correct?"

"Yeah, that's right," the officer confirmed. "about a mile up the road. There have been others before that."

"So, this victim, you knew him?" Sam asked him.

The officer nodded. "A town like this, everybody knows everybody."

Julia noticed Dean gesturing for her; she left Sam's side and walked around the car where he was standing. He pointed into the car, mumbling for her to take a look to see if she found anything.

She did as she was told, searching the front seats and dashboard of the car as best as she could while not touching anything. She didn't see anything particular; no blood, scratches in the leather, or dirt on the floorboards. Like the officer said, it was spotless.

"Any connection between the victims, besides that they're all men?" Dean spoke up.

"No, not as far as we can tell."

"So, what's the theory?" Sam wondered.

"Honestly, we don't know," the officer shrugged. "Serial murder, kidnapping ring..."

"Well, that is exactly the kind of crack police work I'd expect out of you guys," Dean commented with a scoff. Julia looked over at him in shock while he winced, Sam having stomped painfully on his foot.

"Thank you for your time," Sam told the police officer with a gracious nod.

Julia hurried to his side as the three of them started walking hurrying off the bridge. Once they were a few feet away from the Impala, Dean took the opportunity to slap the back of Sam's head.

"Ow!" Sam hissed. "What was that for?"

"Why'd you have to step on my foot?" Dean retorted.

"Why do you have to talk to the police like that?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam and stepped forward, cutting him and Julia off so they couldn't walk any further. "Come on, they don't really know what's going on," he stated. "We're all alone on this. I mean, if we're going to find Dad, we've got to get to the bottom of this thing ourselves."

Julia's eyes swept past the brothers, wincing when she saw three older men walking toward them. She cleared her throat loudly, getting Dean and Sam's attention; Dean whipped around to face the men himself.

"Can I help you three?" the man who looked to be the sheriff asked them sternly.

"No, sir, we were just leaving," Julia shot them a dazzling smile. The sheriff almost melted in her presence while the FBI agents walked past Sam and Dean to go question the police themselves.

"Agent Mulder, Agent Scully," Dean nodded at the agents as he grabbed Julia's arm and pulled her past the sheriff; Sam followed them. "Nice work, shortcake."

"I have one of those smiles, I guess," Julia shrugged sheepishly as she slid into her seat.

Dean scoffed. "I guess you do."

-

-

Dean, Sam, and Julia walked through the town square, searching for the girl they overheard the police officers talk about. Amy was her name and she was the victim's girlfriend who was hanging missing posters up over town.

It wasn't hard to find the girl, especially in a town this small. The police officer had been telling the truth when he said that they knew everyone around here.

"I bet that's her," Dean pointed to a young brunette hanging up posters outside of a post office. They approached her carefully, trying not to scare her off. "You must be Amy."

Amy had to be only a couple years younger than Julia and around the same height. She was dressed in dark clothing and had dark make-up on like she was taking grieving to a whole other level.

"Yeah," the girl confirmed.

"Troy told us about you," Dean went with the easiest story he could come up with and introduced himself, Sam, and Julia. "We're his uncles—I'm Dean, this is Sammy—and our little sister, Julia."

Amy gave him a skeptical look and started walking away. "He never mentioned you."

Dean quickly followed her. "Yeah, that's Troy, I guess. We're not around much, we're up in Modesto."

"So, we're looking for him, too," Sam took over; Amy stopped walking to look up at him. "and we're kinda asking around."

"Hey," a girl Amy's age walked up to her. "are you okay?"

"Yeah," Amy assured her.

"Do you mind if we ask you a couple questions?" Sam asked her politely.

It wasn't hard to say yes to Sam's puppy-dog eyes so Amy agreed to answer some questions for them. They settled at a nearby diner and on the walk over, Dean quietly answered some of the questions Julia had for him. He informed her about what kind of questions to ask people—like whether they noticed any cold spots or anything strange that occurred around them.

He had to admit, despite her ADHD, Julia was a quick learner. She soaked the information in like a sponge and it impressed him a little bit.

"I was on the phone with Troy," Amy informed them once she and her friend were settled at a table with Dean, Sam, and Julia. "He was driving home. He said he could call me right back and..." she hesitated sadly. "He never did."

"He didn't say anything strange or out of the ordinary?" Sam took over the questioning, seeming to have a better response than Dean did.

"No," Amy shook her head. "Nothing that I can remember."

"I like your necklace," Julia suddenly spoke up, pointing to the pentagram around Amy's neck.

Amy sadly smiled down at the charm. "Troy gave it to me," she sniffled and laughed a little. "Mostly to scare my parents with all that devil stuff."

Julia grinned at her. "Actually, it means the opposite," she corrected her, recalling some of the information she had learned in one of her classes. "A pentagram is protection against evil. It's really powerful if you believe in that kind of thing."

Dean pursed his lips at her, unimpressed with her change of discussion. "Okay, thanks, Unsolved Mysteries," he snapped at her, earning a frown in return, before addressing the girls, "Here's the deal, ladies, the way Troy disappeared, something's not right. So, if you heard anything..."

Amy and her friend exchanged hesitant looks that Dean caught.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's just—" Amy's friend, Rachel, started. "I mean, with all these guys going missing, people talk."

"What do they talk about?" Sam and Dean asked at the same time.

"It's kind of this local legend," Rachel sighed. "This one girl, she got murdered out on Centennial, like, decades ago. Well, supposedly, she's still out there. She hitchhikes and whoever picks her up—well, they disappear forever."

Dean and Sam exchanged knowing looks. Not all myths were based on fact, but most of them were. If there was a local legend around town, there had to be some truth to it—even if some of the details were blurred.

-

-

It was nighttime by the time Julia, Dean, and Sam headed back to the bridge on Centennial Highway. After getting some information at the library about the so-called hitchhiker the girl was talking about at the diner, they headed there to take a look around. The bridge was much spookier at night, especially once they found out about this mysterious hitchhiker.

The article they had found was about Constance Welch, who committed suicide at the bridge in the eighties. She took a dive into the river and drowned only an hour or so after both of her kids died in the bathtub. Her husband had said that she just couldn't handle her grief.

After Dean parked the impala on one side of the bridge, the three of them walked the length of it. Julia bit her lip nervously as she looked around, hoping that this spirit wouldn't just appear out of nowhere. Then again, she wanted the training, so some of her nerves were from anticipation.

"So," Dean walked over to the ledge of the bridge, looking down at the black river below. "this is where Constance took the swan dive."

Sam nodded and leaned against the railing beside him. "So, you think Dad would have been here?"

"Well, he's chasing the same story and we're chasing him."

Julia wasn't assured by Dean's statement. "What now?"

"Now we keep digging until we find him," Dean informed her, his eyes darting toward Sam. "It might take a while."

"Dean, I told you, I've gotta get back by—" Sam started to remind him but Dean cut him off with a nod.

"Monday," he recalled somewhat sourly. "Right, the interview."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I forgot," Dean lied. "You're really serious about this, aren't you? You think you're just gonna become some lawyer and marry your girl?"

"Maybe," Sam shrugged. "Why not?"

"Does Jessica know the truth about you?" Dean started to goad him, irritated and a little jealous that Sam could leave hunting so easily. "I mean, does she know about the things you've done?"

"No, and she's not ever going to know."

"Well, that's healthy," Dean's tone was dripping with sarcasm. "You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are."

Dean turned and started walking away, knowing that he pushed his little brother's buttons. He was right; Sam started following him at an angry pace while Julia hovered nervously at the same spot by the railing. The conversation was none of her business and even though she was definitely going to eavesdrop, that didn't mean she was going to interrupt.

"And who's that?" Sam stomped after Dean.

"You're one of us."

"No," Sam's voice was sharp as he caught up with his brother, staring down at him with a glare. "I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life."

Dean paused to confront him. "You have a responsibility to—"

"To Dad and his crusade?" Sam scoffed. "If it weren't for pictures, I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like and what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom's gone and she isn't coming back."

Dean lunged at Sam, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him against the railing on the other side of the bridge. Julia gasped softly and started to rush over, practically feeling the rage in Dean's veins.

"Dean!"

There was a long pause as Julia gently touched his elbow. Dean calmed down a little bit and quietly warned Sam, "Don't talk about her like that."

He roughly let go of Sam's collar and brushed off Julia's hand, turning to walk back to the Impala. He stopped in his tracks, seeing a woman dressed in a white dress standing on top of the railing of the bridge, her skirt blowing in the wind.

"Sam, Jules..."

Julia gawked at the woman as she looked over, made direct eye contact with both of the Winchesters, and jumped down into the river. Dean, Sam, and Julia took off running to where the woman jumped, hearing no splash and seeing no one down in the river.

"Where is she?" Julia asked loudly, her nerves wracked.

"I don't know," Sam shook his head, his eyes still searching the water below them.

The sound of an engine roaring caught their attention. Julia looked over, her eyes widening in horror when she saw that the Impala had started up with no help. She looked over at Dean in confusion, sincerely hoping that it was just a carjacker and not the spirit messing with them.

"What the fuck?"

'Who's driving your car?" Sam asked Dean.

Dean simply reached into his jeans and pulled out his car keys.

"Oh, no," Julia whimpered.

Whoever—or whatever—was in the Impala pressed on the gas. The car sped forward, going way too quickly, and started driving toward them. Sam grabbed Julia's arm and urged her to run as he and Dean took off running.

Julia ran sometimes when she had the time but that was nothing like running for your life. She had adrenaline pumping through her veins as she sped up to keep up with the brothers, almost overtaking Dean. The car was too fast, however, and they had to jump.

Dean vaulted over the railing and dove into the river. As Sam jumped, too, Julia ran behind him and, before she could even process what she was doing, grabbed his arm to keep him from falling.

Sam looked up at her in surprise as she grunted, half of her body practically hanging off the railing so she could keep him from dropping into the water below.

"Oh, my God, you're so heavy!"

Sam scrambled to reach up, grabbing the bottom of the railing so some of his weight was relieved from her. He easily climbed up with Julia's help; once he was back on his feet and Julia was wincing at the strain in her muscles, they looked into the river to see if Dean was okay.

"Dean?"

"Dean, are you alive?"

"Dean!"

"Are you okay?"

"Dean?" Sam and Julia chorused together.

They heard an annoyed groan before, "What?"

"Hey, are you all right?" Sam called down to him, relieved that his brother hadn't drowned in the nasty-looking river.

Dean crawled onto the muddy bank and made an 'okay' gesture. "I'm fucking super."

Julia broke into a relieved snicker and Sam chuckled, growing amused and joining in

They didn't stay at the bridge long after Dean pulled himself off the bank and walked back up to the highway. He didn't waste time waving the other two into the car so they could drive back to town and get a motel room for the night.

Once at the closest motel, Dean took a few minutes to check out the Impala for any damage.

"Everything okay with Baby?" Julia asked him tentatively, wrinkling at the horrible smell wafting off his muddy hair and clothes.

"Yeah, whatever she did to it seems fine now," Dean sighed and shut the hood. "That Constance chick, what a bitch!"

Sam smiled at him, amused. "Well, I guess she doesn't want us digging around," he commented; Dean scoffed in agreement. "So, where's the job gonna take us now?"

Dean huffed and threw his arms into the air, frustrated. At the same time, Julia gagged, the smell coming from the mud covering Dean making her feel nauseous.

The brothers looked at her expectantly and she shrugged, covering her nose. "You should take a shower," she advised Dean. "You really stink."

Dean glared at her. "Thanks for that, Junior."

Julia gave him a sweet smile as he rolled his eyes and Sam chuckled. Dean pulled out his wallet and started toward the motel office, Sam and Julia dutifully following after him. Once at the front desk, he threw his credit card on the counter.

"One room, please."

The old man working the desk gave Dean a reluctant look-over and then grabbed the card, reading the name on the front. "You guys having a reunion or something?"

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I had another guy, Burt Aframian," the man informed them. "He came and bought out a room for the whole month."

Julia looked at Sam and Dean, surprised, while Dean made an expression that told her that he was thinking he should have known his dad would rent out a room. Sam quickly made an excuse that they were coming to check on their father while Dean paid for another room.

Once they had their room key, the three of them went straight to the room that John rented out, picking the lock. Sam yanked Dean into the room after him and Julia and firmly shut the door.

Julia looked around the room, her eyes wide. The room was an absolute mess that made her skin itch; there were clothes all over the place, numerous papers taped to the walls, and old food sitting around. Dean turned on the lamp closest to him so they'd have more light to look around, picking up a half-eaten burger on the table below it.

He sniffed it curiously and silently gagged at the rank smell while Sam and Julia stepped over the salt ring on the floor to get a better look at the walls. "I don't think he's been here for a couple of days."

"Salt, cat's-eye shells," Sam listed as he looked at the salt on the floor. "He was worried. Trying to keep something from coming in."

In the back of her mind, Julia remembered that salt was like a barrier for all sorts of supernatural creatures, but at the moment her focus was on the papers taped to the wall. There were a bunch of articles about the disappearances over the last decade, as well as some local lore that he dug up.

"What have you got here?" Sam walked over to her.

Julia wrinkled her nose as Dean came over to take a closer look as well, and said, "Centennial Highway victims."

"I don't get it," Dean mumbled. "I mean, different men, different jobs, ages, ethnicities...There's always a connection, right?"

Julia gave him a questioning look. "So, what do these guys have in common?"

Dean shrugged at her and Julia frowned, looking back at the profiles John had made for the victims.

"Dad figured it out," Sam spoke up, having moved across the room where more papers were taped on the wall.

"What do you mean?"

"He found the same article we did," Sam gestured to the wall where the article about Constance Welch was taped. "Constance Welch, she's a woman in white."

Dean smirked as he looked back at the victims. "You sly dogs."

"What's a woman in white?" Julia wondered, her eyes darting between Sam and Dean.

"It's a sort of phenomenon," Sam explained to her. "They're spirits that have been sighted for hundreds of years in dozens of places. They're women who had husbands who were unfaithful so they suffered from temporary insanity and murdered their children. They take their own lives afterwards and become cursed, killing any unfaithful man they find."

Julia winced but mentally stored the information in her head until she could write it down in the journal she brought with her. She'd been cheated on before but she was never angry enough that she would take a life—let alone a child, if she had one.

"Wow," she breathed; Sam nodded in agreement.

"All right, so if we're dealing with a woman in white, Dad would have found the corpse and destroyed it," Dean spoke up.

"She might have another weakness," Sam suggested.

"Well, Dad would want to make sure," Dean insisted, crossing the room to stand next to Sam. "He'd dig her up. Does it say where she's buried?"

"No, not that I can tell," Sam's eyes brushed over the article on the wall. "If I were Dad, though, I'd go ask her husband if he's still alive."

"All right," Dean nodded in approval. "Why don't you, uh, you guys go to the room and see if can find the address. I'm gonna get cleaned up in here."

Dean started toward the bathroom but Sam soon stopped him. "Hey, Dean?"

Dean looked at him expectantly.

"What I said earlier, about Mom and Dad," Sam said sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

Dean held his hand in the air, stopping Sam from speaking further. "No chick-flick moments."

Sam laughed and nodded. "All right, jerk."

"Bitch," Dean mumbled in reply before heading into the bathroom.

Julia furrowed her eyebrows and walked over to Sam. "Your brother has some serious issues dealing with emotions."

Sam scoffed. "No kidding. Come on, let's go."

He turned to leave but paused when he saw a picture stuck in the full-length mirror. He pulled it out of the frame and smiled softly when he saw that it was him, Dean, and his dad more than a decade ago, sitting on the hood of the Impala.

Julia took a peek at it. "Were you born in plaid?" she joked, sensing that he needed a little cheering up; it worked and he smiled slightly. "You look happy."

"We were," Sam sighed as he pocked the picture.

-

It was noon the next day when Dean finally woke up and started moving, having caught more than his usual four hours of sleep. He went straight into the bathroom, ignoring the happy greeting Julia sent him, and got ready for the day.

Julia rolled her eyes at the grumpy man and went back to her laptop, reading the website that Sam had showed her. There was a lot of information about women in white that Sam hadn't touched on earlier and she made sure to record it in her journal so she could look back on it later if she needed to.

It was while Sam was listening to a message from Jess he had missed earlier that Dean came out of the bathroom.

"Hey, I'm starving," he informed them as he slipped on his hand-me-down leather jacket that was a little bit too big for him. "I'm gonna grab a little something to eat in that diner down the street. You guys want anything?"

"Nah," Sam declined, continuing to listen to the message.

"Aframian's buying," Dean tried to tempt him but Sam shook his head. Dean sighed and turned to Julia with raised eyebrows. "What about you, shortcake?"

Julia bit her lip, thinking about what she wanted to eat. Dean subtly checked her out while she decided, enjoying the pajama shorts and cotton tank-top that she was lounging around in.

"A turkey club?" she smiled up at him.

Dean winked at her. "Coming right up."

Julia's heart raced and her smile fell as he left the room. That man was just too gorgeous for his own good. Dean was attractive, everyone knew that, but Julia had a crush on him when she was five years old and he was an awkward-looking preteen going through puberty. Luckily the crush went away by the time she was in high-school and Dean was a very legal adult. If she wasn't careful, though, she'd be sucked in again.

Her phone rang only seconds later. It was Dean.

"Yeah?"

"Five-oh," Dean warned her quietly; she stiffened nervously. "You and Sammy take off."

"What about you?" she asked worriedly.

"They kinda spotted me. Go find my dad, all right?"

He hung up and Julia stood up, quickly grabbing a pair of joggers to pull up over her shorts. "Sam, the police are here," she informed him hurriedly, grabbing her laptop and sliding into her backpack. "Let's go."

"All right," Sam nodded and stood up. "Come on, there's a window in the bathroom."

Out in the parking lot, Dean smiled charmingly at the police officers approaching him. "Problem, officers?"

"Where are your partners?" one of the officers—the one they spoke to the day before—asked.

"Partners?" he played it cool. "What partners?"

The officer nodded over at his partner and gestured to John's room and their room. The partner made his way over to John's room first, which relieved Dean. It'd give Julia and Sam more time to get away without being noticed.

"So," the first officer looked back at him. "Fake US Marshal, fake credit cards...You got anything that's real?"

"My boobs," Dean stated matter-of-factly, flashing the officer a cheeky grin.

The officer didn't like that very much. He called over his partner and grabbed Dean, hauling him over to their cruiser. He was slammed down on the hood and cuffed behind his back but he didn't care. Sam and Julia got away and he hadn't committed any crimes—yet—so they didn't have anything on him.

He was processed quickly when they got to the station and sat in an interrogation room while the officers gathered evidence from John's room. It was an hour later that the sheriff came in, holding a box of things they had taken.

"So," the man grumped, sitting the box on the table in front of Dean. "you want to give us your real name?"

"I told you. It's Nugent," Dean insisted cockily. "Ted Nugent."

The sheriff gave him a flat look. "I'm not sure you realize just how much trouble you're in here."

"Are you talking like, misdemeanor kind of trouble or squeal-like-a-pig trouble?" Dean asked smartly.

"You got the faces of ten missing persons taped to your wall along with a whole lot of Satanic mumbo-jumbo," the sheriff informed him needlessly. "Boy, you are officially a suspect."

Dean scoffed; this guy was an idiot. There was no way that Dean was gonna go down for these murders since all they had were a bunch of printed out pictures of the victims. That's not actually enough evidence to do anything.

"That makes sense," he snarked at the man. "cause when the first one went missing in '82, I was three."

"I know you got partners," the sheriff was deterred. "One of them is an older guy. Maybe he started the whole thing. So, tell me, Dean—"

Dean paused when the sheriff said his name, a cocky look on his face. The older man grabbed a book out of the box and threw it on the table in front of him. It was his dad's journal.

"—is this his?"

Dean's heart sank in his chest at the sight of the familiar, leather bound journal. His dad never went anywhere without it. Everything they knew about the supernatural creatures they've come across was recorded in those pages, along with a lot of personal information that Dean didn't like to be shared. Information about his mom's death and the way he grew up wasn't something he wanted random strangers to know about.

The sheriff recognized the look on Dean's face. "I thought that might be your name," he acknowledged, walking around the table so he could open the journal. "See, I leafed through this. What little I could make out—I mean, it's nine kinds of crazy."

Dean stared passively down at the pages he flipped through, the pictures of his ancestors, his mom, him, Sam, and their hunter friends filling some of the plastic sleeves inside.

Finally, the sheriff stopped on a page toward the back. "I found this, too," he pointed at a page with Dean's name and coordinates. "Now, you're staying right here till you tell me exactly what the hell that means."

"It's my locker combination," Dean lied easily.

"Bullshit."

"I'm not lying," he insisted. "It's from years ago, when I was in high school."

The sheriff, rightfully, didn't believe him but Dean wasn't budging. He didn't know where the coordinates led to, but it had to be something important. Something that police officers or anyone who didn't know about John or the things that go bump in the night needed to see.

He questioned Dean for an hour, asking about many things. After a while, he veered the interrogation away from the coordinates and asked about his dad. He asked about Sam and Julia, too, but Dean insisted adamantly that he was alone. The sheriff didn't believe him but he didn't give a flying fuck—he wasn't a snitch. He enjoyed riling the old man up, too, seeing his face turn red with frustration and anger.

"I don't know how many times I gotta tell you," Dean sighed when the sheriff asked him about the coordinates again. "It's my high school locker combo."

"We gonna do this all night long?" the sheriff asked him grumpily.

A deputy poked his head into the room. "We just got a 9-1-1," he informed his superior. "Shots fired over at Whiteford Road."

The sheriff looked over at Dean. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

Dean gave him a weird look. "No."

"Good," the sheriff pulled handcuffs out of his belt and locked Dean to the table before leaving the room, the door shut firmly behind him.

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled the paperclip he had been eyeing from his dad's journal. He quickly set himself free and grabbed the journal, slipping it into his jacket. He waited until all the police officers left and then escaped, having the time to whistle a little tune.

"Finally," he heard a sigh as he walked out of the building. "I'm been waiting for ever."

Dean gave Julia an impressed look as she walked over to him, her arms folding across her ample chest. "You did that?" he pointed back at the station with his thumb; she nodded with a grin. "A fake 9-1-1 call. Impressive and very illegal."

"You're welcome," Julia beamed at him, pleased with his praise. "Come on, Sam went to question Joseph Welch."

"Ah," Dean nodded and walked by her side as she lead them to a car parked on the curb a block down. "Did you steal the car, too?"

"Sam taught me."

"He taught you?" he gave her a skeptical look. Even he had a couple lessons before he was successfully jacking cars. Julia was good but she wasn't that good.

"Okay, he stole it for me before taking off," Julia admitted. "but I paid attention."

Dean hummed and slid into the driver's seat, starting up the car. He asked Julia to call Sam as he started driving toward Joseph Welch's house and she did it without protesting.

"Hey," Sam answered quickly.

"You taught Jules the fake 9-1-1 call?" Dean greeted him. "I'm proud, Sammy."

Sam laughed. "Well, you're welcome."

"Listen, we gotta talk."

"Tell me about it," Sam sighed. "So, the husband was unfaithful. We are definitely dealing with a woman in white and she's buried behind her old house. That should have been Dad's next stop."

Dean sighed in frustration. "Sammy, could you shut up for a second?"

"I just can't figure out why Dad hasn't destroyed the corpse yet."

"Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you," Dean stated. "He's gone. Dad left Jericho."

"What?" Sam's voice stiffened while Julia looked at Dean in shock. "How do you know?"

"I got his journal."

"He doesn't go anywhere without that thing."

"Yeah, well, he did this time."

"What's it say?"

"Ah, same old ex-Marine shit," Dean grumbled. "when he wants to let us know where he's going."

"Coordinates. Where to?"

"I'm not sure yet," Dean admitted.

"I don't understand," Sam said, frustrated. "I mean, what could be so important that Dad would just skip out in the middle of a job? Dean, what the hell is going on?"

Dean stiffened when they heard the tires screech on the other line. It sounded like Sam had stopped very quickly.

"Sam? Sam?" Dean asked frantically.

Sam didn't answer, though, and the call quickly died out. Dean tossed Julia her phone and stepped on the gas, speeding up toward the address listed on the article about Constance Welch's suicide.

"Do you think he's okay?" Julia asked him nervously.

She was worried to death about her best friend and from Dean's reaction, he could be in seriously danger. She knew Sam was faithful to Jess but maybe the spirit didn't care. Apparently some of them didn't follow rules.

"I don't know," Dean said tightly. "We just got to get there fast."

"Okay."

"You know how to shoot a gun?"

"Of course."

"Good."

They pulled up to the old Welch residence, spotting the Impala parked right out in front. Dean and Julia jumped out of the car they stole and ran toward it; Dean handed her one of the spare guns he kept in his jacket—thankful that the police didn't do a body search—and used his own to shoot out the driver's window where the woman in white was straddling Sam.

The woman in white disappeared but promptly became visible again. Julia shot without thinking, her bullet disturbing the spirit. Sam took the opportunity to start the car and speed into the house, going through the front wall.

"Oh, my God!"

"Jesus Christ, I hope he didn't hurt my car," Dean mumbled furiously as he and Julia ran into the destroyed house.

"Sam?"

"Here!"

Julia ran over to the driver's door. "You okay?" she asked, ripping the door open; Sam nodded. "Can you move?"

"Yeah," Sam breathed as Dean rushed over to them. "Can you help me?"

Dean reached in and practically pulled Sam out of the Impala, getting him to his feet. Julia wrapped one of Sam's arms around her shoulders and allowed him to settle his very heavy weight on her as Dean stepped in front of them in case Constance came back.

Constance sure didn't look very happy with them. She threw down the portrait that she was looking at and waved her hand. A heavy dresser flew toward them, painfully pinning them to the wall.

Julia squeaked in pain as she was pressed against the wall. She was officially unable to move and unable to get away from the pain that the furniture inflicted on her stomach. Dean and Sam tried pushing the dresser away from them but it wouldn't budge.

Then the lights in the house started flickering and water started pouring down the staircase. Two creepy-looking child-ghosts appeared, getting Constance's attention. She stared at them in horror and a deep sadness.

"You've come home to us, Mommy," they whispered in unison.

Julia shivered, creeped out.

The children appeared behind Constance and promptly hugged her, causing her to scream. Her body flickered for a few seconds before all three of them burst into a weird fire that had Julia turning away and disappeared.

With Constance's spirit gone, Dean and Sam were able to move the dresser away from the three of them. Julia sighed in relief now that the pressure was gone and wrapped an arm around her torso. She was pretty sure she had bruised a couple of ribs.

My first hunting injury, she thought proudly.

"So, this is where she drowned her kids," Dean assumed, looking at the spot where the three spirits appeared.

Sam nodded. "That's why she could never go home. She was too scared to face them."

"But I fought we had to burn her corpse to kill her?" Julia spoke up, kind of confused.

There was only so much she knew about hunting but she thought you got rid of ghosts by salting and burning their corpse. That didn't happen here.

"Sometimes you can find a spirit's weakness and that can take care of them," Sam informed her.

"In this case it just happened to be her kids," Dean added, clapping Sam on the shoulder. "Nice work, Sammy."

Sam laughed loudly and grinned at his brother. "Yeah, I wish I could say the same for you," he mocked him. "Where were you thinking, shooting Casper in the face, you freak?"

Dean gave him an offended look.

"By the way, J, nice aim," Sam added, just to tease Dean further.

"Thanks, S," Julia grinned at him before sticking her tongue out at Dean.

"Children," Dean scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm working with children. And another thing," he warned Sam. "If you fucked up my car, I'll kill you."

-

It was almost midnight by the time they arrived back at Stanford. Sam had successfully found where the coordinates that John left them led, a place in Colorado, and had turned Dean down when he offered to drive there now, wanting to go to his interview. Dean was visibly upset but he didn't argue.

Dean pulled up the apartment and parked in the lot. Sam slid out of the car and grabbed his bag from the back before leaning down to talk to Julia and Dean through the window.

"Be careful, J," Sam poked her in the forehead. "Listen to Dean, all right?"

"I will."

"And call me."

"Yes, Dad," Julia playfully rolled her eyes at him. "Say hello to Jess, would you? Love ya."

Sam winked at her and then turned to Dean, his face falling when he saw the sullen look on his brother's face. "Call me if you find him?"

Dean nodded.

"And maybe I can meet up with you later, huh?"

"Yeah, all right," Dean agreed easily. "You know, we made a hell of a team back there."

Sam smiled, his dimples popping out. "Yeah. Be careful."

Dean nodded and pulled out of the spot he had parked in. He quickly drove away from the apartment building and Julia assumed it was because he didn't want to dally and be sad about Sam's departure.

"You all right?" she asked Dean.

"I'm fine," Dean answered gruffly and changed the subject. "So, you survived your first hunt. How do you feel?"

"Good," Julia grinned. "Yeah, it was—"

She paused, scrunching up her nose as she got a bad feeling. She couldn't explain it and it felt different from the one she had about Dean but she knew something was wrong.

Dean gave her a worried look when she stopped talking. "You okay?"

"No," she shook her head. "I have a bad feeling."

As if the universe was agreeing to her statement, the radio glitched out. Dean looked at the dash, noticing that the clock had stopped working. He quickly turned the vehicle, his heart starting to race, and started driving back to Sam.

By the time they got there, the apartment was in flames and Jess was dead.

(Gif is not mine)

[anotheronechicagobog]

The Heroic Heralds of the Hectic Hermann Horde -2- What Is It With Janitors Making Meth In School Basements?

written by: @anotheronechicagobog​

Warnings: swearing, coming out, mention of meth lab, canon compliant action, fire safety

A/N: I hope you guys like it, please comment what you think! :)

A/N 2: Can I coin Matt Casey’s disappointed face as the ‘Disappointed Captain America’ face of One Chicago? Pretty please?

Annabelle has a date. With a boy. Granted, she was twelve, and so was the boy who asked her to go with him to the winter dance which would be taking place during school hours with chaperones, but that did not make Christopher feel better. What made it worse was that she hadn’t even told him or Cindy, they had to find out when Kylie came over to see her instead of Lee. Hell, even Lee knew about this boy apparently, so Christopher and Cindy were sitting in their bedroom, completely bewildered, and a little sad that their daughter felt like she couldn’t talk to them about dating and love and sex. Annabelle had gotten the sex talk from school and her mom, she still shuddered when she thought of either, but now her parents were wondering if they needed to go over things again now that she was going ‘out’ with a boy. Were twelve year olds even having sex? They were only in middle school.

Annabelle and Kylie were in the room she shared with Max, going through her clothes. “Do I need to go shopping? I don’t think I have anything good enough. Oh god, what if I look like-”

“Okay, no. Deep breath, calm down. You are very pretty and have very pretty clothes. We’ll find something. I know that the first anything in a relationship is a little nerve-wracking, so just control your breathing and take everything one step at a time. I know that this feels like the biggest deal in the world right now, but you’re twelve, Belle. There is going to be so much time in life for relationships, good and bad, so you don’t need to worry about pushing as much stereotypical perfection as you can into the year before summer ends, okay? Life will and does extend beyond this dance, it’s okay to feel excited but your existence and reality as you know it don’t hinge on this dance. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good, now, dress, skirt, or pants?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After settling on a flowy dress adorned with purple flowers and low wedges, Kylie managed to talk Annabelle out of makeup. “Just letting you ladies know that dinner will be ready in half an hour.”

“Great, thanks, dad.”

“So, uh, how are things going up here?”

“... Things have been going well, Kylie was just helping me get some things ready for tomorrow.”

“Right, for the dance. That you’re going to with a date.”

“Yeah...”

“Mr. Hermann, would you mind if we got some privacy? Girl stuff, you know?”

“Uh, yeah, sure, sure, I guess. And you can call me Christopher, if you want, Kylie.”

“Okay, I will.” The awkwardness in the room was palpable, Christopher was changing his weight from foot to foot, clearly looking for a reason to stay. “Dad.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going.” He twisted around and exited the room, his heart fracturing a little. He knew that this would happen eventually, he just hadn’t been prepared for it, and he thought that Cindy would be in the loop. Instead it was Kylie, Severide and Kidd’s foster daughter, and Lee Henry’s crush. “Dad,”

“Yeah, Lee Henry? What’s up?”

“She’ll be fine. I know that you worry, but she knows how to handle herself and I’ve met Alex, nothing bad is gonna happen.”

“How come you knew about all of this before I did?”

“Easy, you don’t understand emojis.”

“Are you saying I’m old?!”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annabelle wasn’t out of her room by the time Cindy had to drive Christopher to the station. Something that deeply disappointed them both. “Okay, Belle, they’re gone.”

“Thanks Max.”

“No problem. You look really pretty today.”

“Thanks.”

“Come on, mom made muffins and Lee said we need to get going.”

“Is he going early to meet Kylie in the library again?”

“Yeah. Could he be anymore obvious?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annabelle was jittery all day. This wasn’t just her first date, this was the first time she was going to publicly acknowledge that she might be a lesbian. She was only twelve, almost thirteen, so she wasn’t going to label herself definitively just yet. Her classmates were relatively progressive, so were her parents, but there were still bad seeds and hidden doubts. Her dress was soft and she was doing everything she could to resist bunching her hands up in the cotton skirt, or run her hands through her styled hair. She chewed her lip, tasting the grape chapstick on her lips. The words of her science teacher fell on deaf ears. When the bell rang she jumped out of her seat, she fumbled, embarrassed, for a moment before she realized that most of the class was acting the same way. The only thing left between her and the dance now, was lunch. Her stomach was so coiled and heavy from nerves that she didn’t think she’d be able to eat. She didn’t feel like just sitting with her friends either, they didn’t know who she was going with and Annabelle knew that they’d know something was wrong with her the second she made eye contact. So she decided to sit by herself at the small old desk in the back corner of the library. The usual smell of musty books, old wood, and 80’s carpet weren’t the only ones to greet her. She was also met by sweat and spices. “Hey Belle.”

“Hey Lee... What are you doing here?”

“I know that you’re nervous, and I know that when you get nervous you feel like you shouldn’t eat, but you only ate half a muffin this morning. So Kylie and I thought we’d bring you your favourite takeout.”

“Curry?”

“Of course.”

“I love you guys.”

“We know. You don’t have to be nervous Belle, I’ve met Alex. She’s sweet and very obviously has a crush on you. Just take a deep breath, okay? Everything is gonna go well. Just take a deep breath and eat your food, we don’t need you fainting while you’re on your first date with ‘the most beautiful girl to have ever existed’ now do we?”

“Hey! I told you that in confidence!”

“Lee stop teasing your sister.”

“But-”

“Ha! You heard Kylie, your girlfriend says you can’t tease me about mine.” Annabelle stuck her tongue out and began to eat, secretly delighted in how red Lee’s face turned.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annabelle was still wracked with nerves but she felt better after eating with Lee and Kylie. Partly because her brother was right and she did need to just eat something, and partly because Kylie helped fix her hair and dress before they returned to their high school a block away. Annabelle walked into the darkened gymnasium. The decorations were cliche, a little tacky, and visibly worn, probably used year after year. She waited in the far right corner, where she and Alex had agreed to meet. As cheesy as it sounded, she felt her heart skip a beat when she saw Alex. Alex looked beautiful. Annabelle had thought about this moment, she thought she’d fumble, be awkward and stutter. Instead, she felt confident for the first time that week. When Alex got close enough Annabelle smiled and wrapped her arms around a shy Alex and kissed her on the cheek. “You look amazing.”

“You too, Belle, wanna dance?” Annabelle nodded enthusiastically as High Hopes started blare through the old glitchy speakers. But neither Annabelle or Alex cared, they jumped and danced and twirled, the skirts from their dresses swishing around them, never unclasping their hands. Smiling and panting they broke off to the side after dancing nonstop for forty minutes. They walked over to the water fountain jovially with their pinkies intertwined. The cool water helped control their hot faces as they talked about their mutual love of the Percy Jackson series when- boom. There was a small explosion below them and everyone was knocked off their feet. Alex and Annabelle’s eyes met, horror and fear building inside of them was interrupted by the fire alarms going off. Annabelle jumped up, face heard and eyes calculated. “Go out the fire doors and call the fire department when you get outside.”

“Belle, you can’t stay-”

“Go Alex, and don’t look back or stop for anything!” Annabelle shoved the other girl towards the door before moving back into the gym to direct an evacuation. She gave orders with a commanding voice and firm stance. She began directing her panicked peers, to prevent trampling, outside through the gym’s fire two doors and through the doors outside of the gym on each end of the hall all of which lead outside. Though the doors at the end of the hall each lead into a small alcove/entryway lined with windows that had the doors that actually lead outside. Annabelle darted in and out of the bathrooms quickly, to make sure there weren’t any stragglers. She knew she was smart to do that when she found three boys from her math class huddled together on the floor. “Get up! We need to evacuate the building!” A couple of the boys scrambled to get up but one had to be dragged to his feet by Annabelle and hauled out the door by her as she led the boys to one of the gym’s fire doors because the door to the exit they’d been closest to was really hot which meant the fire was near. Just as she was about to test the temperature of the door with the back of her hand, uncle Matt burst in, with Gallo and auntie Stella behind him. “Stella take Annabelle and the boys straight to 61. I’ll radio Hermann and let him know she’s safe.” He turned to her and levelled her with his ‘Disappointed Captain America’ face, “you are in so much trouble.”

“The- uh- the doors to exit the building near the track, they have a door to the basement in the same alcove as the second doors that actually lead outside. We were gonna leave that way cause it’s closer but the doors were hot, we didn’t stick around to see if there was smoke.” Her voice was quiet and she hung her head in shame for a moment before following Stella and the boys to ambulance 61. Auntie Sylvie met her eyes and opened her mouth to speak, ask how she was feeling no doubt, but was interrupted by her father wrapping her in a bear hug. “Damnit Annabelle Sarah Hermann! What were you thinking?! Why on earth would you stay in the building?! You should have evacuated with the others-” Hermann cut himself off, tensing and slowly turning to level each of the boys she’d rescued with a glare. “Is one of them Alex? Did you stay in a building you knew was dangerous because of a boy?!”

“What? No, dad, okay first of all, I stayed only long enough to make sure no one was hiding in the bathrooms. You’ve told us a thousand times that people think it’s a good idea to hide in there when it’s really not. Second... Alex is a girl. She, uh, I actually can’t see her... I made her leave first, but I don’t see her- what if-”

“Hey, hey, hey, we’ll- uh, we’ll find her.” Hermann helped her find Alex, she was sitting with a bunch of students on the track field and tackled Annabelle when she came into sight. Their hugging on the ground was interrupted by the principal announcing that everyone was being taken to the hospital because the small explosion came from a meth lab in the basement of the school, and everyone needed treatment from exposure to the chemicals, both from the explosion and from vapours that were created during the process and had been around long-term and explained the increase in asthma attacks at the school. While the staff was arranging for the bus to come transport the students and for the parents to meet everyone at Gaffney, Hermann signed Annabelle out and had her ride with Engine 51 to the hospital. “So... You’re gay?”

“I don’t know, I mean I am really young, but I definitely feel some romantic attraction towards girls... Is that okay?”

“Of course! I admittedly don’t know much about discovering sexualities, but I do know that it’s completely normal. I just, I’d like for you to know that your mom and I love you no matter what and that this won’t change anything.”

“Thanks dad. I love you guys too.”

“... So... Alex seemed nice, when are you gonna invite her over for dinner to meet the family?”

“Ugh dad!”

[tinywordsblog]

Tiny Words is a creative nonfiction podcast, featuring my own writing and stories. In episode 1, I talk about my experiences with disordered eating, body image, and recovery. 

And, more than anything, this is an ode to little Amber, and the little legs that have carried her this far. (It’s also an ode to the White Rabbit Cafe’s vegan chocolate chip cookies).

Trigger Warning: This podcast episode discusses topics of disordered eating, weight, health, calories, and food. If these things are triggering to you, I would not recommend listening to this episode, but I appreciate you nonetheless. 

Transcript: 

The goal of the ‘Tiny Words’ blog has always been to highlight the small truths of life, those that make up our existence and have a larger impact than it might seem on the surface. For this podcast series, I’ll be featuring my own writing as an audio presentation. I’ll be telling my own stories (and perhaps those of others) through a format that is new to me as a creator. Throughout the past few months, I’ve reopened the world of creativity and writing--a realm that has long been boarded up and evacuated. I wanted to reopen that realm in this podcast episode by writing a story that many months of therapy has shown me is one of my own truths. With that said, I present “Just a Little Husky” to you. I hope you find something of myself in this. 

DISCLAIMER: I want to preface this story with a trigger warning. This episode discusses topics of disordered eating, weight, health, calories, and food. If these things are triggering to you, this episode might not be best for you. 

[introduction music fades into the story]

I was in elementary school when I discovered what a body was. I knew that we all had stomachs and arms and legs and chins. I was aware of those things only as they related to being a child. My legs carried me where I needed to go. My arms were used for holding and hugging and gesturing. My stomach was something to be fed and nurtured. But I never knew what those things were supposed to look like. Or that those things were “supposed” to look like anything at all. At that same age, my older sister’s friend--only 2 short years older than myself--lost a significant amount of weight. Our families rallied around her, remarked on her “dedication” and the clockwork-like Wii Fit exercises she was doing. For the first time in my life, thinness was celebrated. 

I became aware of the looks that those closest to me had given plus-size women before I knew what a plus size woman was. The side-eyed glances to a woman in a form-fitting shirt. Scoffs cast on young girls confidently wearing shorts when “they really shouldn’t be wearing shorts that short. Not with that body.” 

When my sister’s friend lost weight, and more importantly when she was celebrated for her weight loss, my innocence began to crack and shatter. A mirror had been turned on myself, and confidence became something you needed to shrink yourself down into. 

My sophomore year of high school, a pediatrician--one who considered himself “traditional” to be exact--told my mother and I that, “it wasn’t a problem yet. She’s not overweight. Just a little husky.” 

Just a little husky. Just a little husky. Just a little husky. 

Not a problem yet, but becoming one. Just a little husky.

He diagnosed me with the feelings of self-hatred that had cast their shadow on my reflection. “Just a little husky” and suddenly I became no more than a number. 

It wasn’t until a year ago, when my therapist furrowed her brows and asked, “He said what?” that I realized my pediatrician’s words were the wrong thing--not my body. Now, I see his comment as a lapse in his judgment. Back then, though, it was a death sentence.

I was raised on diet culture and calorie counting apps and skinny teas and fat-free versions of your favorite snack foods. That day at the doctor’s office, I was prescribed a monster thinly-veiling itself as healthy living. It told me that to be healthy was to avoid. To shrink. To achieve the smallest possible number. 

And, really, the numbers were all I had. Scale in the morning, before breakfast to be the smallest possible weight. “Bare minimum” best describes it. I ate cereal in the morning, exactly one cup-sized measuring cup full of Special-K with no milk. I would eat a  sandwich for lunch, on bread that was strictly labeled “light,” spread with one exact tablespoon of peanut butter-- or perhaps two, on a cheat day. I ate snacks, but never more than 90-calories each. For dinner I would eat with my family, but I “portion controlled” and never took a second serving. I’d eat side salads as a main meal on a bad day, and dessert was a rarity. My pantry was full of green block text screaming “light,” “low-fat,” “diet soda,” “shrink yourself until there’s nothing left”, and wither away faster with this brand of pretzels for a lower rate than the competitor!

The patriarchy packaged up an eating disorder into a glittering pink parcel and sold it to me on a silver scale. Told me I was too fat to feel worthy of a crop top. I was commercialized into a fat kid with a complex about the clothes I wore and the way I sat, constantly aware of  the way my face morphed into a smile and how my body moved around me when I danced. I sewed my worth into the waistband of my pants. I practiced my smile and adjusted my posture. I wore only the size that I wanted to be, and if a store’s clothes ran smaller--forcing me into the next size up--I cried my way to another. I was “just a little husky,” and the diet was not enough to erase those words from the corners of my mind. 

I once heard a slam poem by Blythe Baird called ‘When the Fat Girl Gets Skinny’ that says, “If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story.” When I first heard Baird’s poem, I tried to pretend that I wasn’t listening to my own existence sung back to me from someone else’s mouth. But it was my own song. When you go from being fat to being skinny through means of an eating disorder, your mental illness becomes a physical celebration. I was fifteen years old being asked what my “secret” was by fully-grown aunts and uncles. I was told “You look great”, a compliment that I’ve learned translates to “You look smaller.” They applauded me even when I asked for no Easter candy, when I asked permission to eat my birthday cake “and even the ice cream, too?” 

To this day, I still ask for permission when eating a fear food, but now I’m able to answer my own question. When I was restricting myself, I thought of progress only in quantitative terms. I was a series of numbers, gradually getting smaller, hoping to never get bigger. Now, I can see my progress cast around my person like light falls through a window. The light does not pick and choose certain objects to illuminate just like my disordered eating did not pick and choose certain aspects to affect while leaving others untouched. When progress came, it could be seen shimmering on every surface. I see my progress in the way I slouch in chairs. In how I clothe myself in patterns that I love rather than vertical stripes because, to quote a dying fashion industry, “horizontal stripes make you look bigger.” In how I laugh without covering my mouth. In how I’m trying to learn to love my smile no matter how it stretches my face. In how I speak without fear of my voice “sounding fat,” though I’m still not sure how fifteen-year-old Amber thought a voice could sound that way. 

In how, even on my bad body days, I buy myself White Rabbit Cafe-sized vegan chocolate chip cookies. In how I sweeten my tea and spice my food. In how I’ve forgotten the number of calories in a single grape and couldn’t tell you the amount of carbs in a bowl of pasta. In how I love my stretch marks as if they were the perfect tattoos. 

My body certainly isn’t a temple, but I’m learning day-by-day to turn it into a warm bed on a rainy day. It’s becoming a place to take comfort, a thing to clothe in loving embraces and swaths of my favorite colors. Or, rather than making it a metaphor, maybe my body is just my body. My means of navigating the world. The vessel used to love and be loved. The thing I carry around with me always. 

Maybe I am “just a little bit husky,” and that’s a thing to be celebrated, too.

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 139

July 28

Today was lovely, and maybe the closest to a really normal day I've had in awhile! This morning my mom and I went to the city nearby so I could get my hair done for the first time since Christmas. She has one hairdresser that she really trusts, so when he moved from my hometown to the city, she followed him even though it is now an hour's drive to the salon. He's very good though, and an old friend of the family by now. He did hair for my wedding, and my sister's wedding, and this weekend he will do just the immediate family hair for my littlest sister's wedding. Since my wedding was sixteen years ago and she'd already been going to him for years, you understand what sort of hairdresser/hairdressee relationship we are talking about here. Such things are sacrosanct. 

In any case, my mom went there a few weeks ago and was very happy with all the precautions they are taking to keep everyone safe, so I was comfortable going there too. It is weird to wear a mask while getting one's hair done, especially in the shampoo chair! I ended up with a few traces of conditioner behind my ears that I didn't discover til later. But it wasn't terrible, and the good thing is that when you get your hair done with the mask on, you get to see what you're going to look like when you go out in public. My hair is now four inches shorter, four shades blonder, and so much cuter and more comfortable than it was! Plus I got an incredible scalp massage and the wonderful relaxation of just being able to sit in a chair with your eyes closed and let someone trustworthy take care of you. It felt so good. 

After getting my hair done, we went over to Lane Bryant at the mall to shop for a dress. I haven't been there in ages, mostly because when I shop I usually shop at the thrift store or at Catherines if I need something really nice. But Lane Bryant was having a really fantastic clearance sale that more than made up for the fact that their dressing rooms were closed. I got two summer dresses for twenty dollars apiece, plus two winter sweaters for seven dollars each to save for later. I also got a regular price dress and shrug that ended up being like a hundred dollars, because I did not want to have to come back for a second try. A later fashion show at home revealed that the two clearance dresses were very cute, the sweaters were perfect, and the full price dress was extremely unflattering in like three different ways. So that one's going back to the store, but I'm keeping the rest! 

We had lunch from a cafe on one of the mall outparcels that did only breakfast foods. I had this truly amazing eggs benedict with sausage and bacon, and a hollandaise sauce that was exquisite in its balance of taste. We ate in the parking lot out of to-go containers, but losing the brunch aesthetic was okay because the food was so good and we were so hungry by then. After lunch, we drove around to the JC Penney and visited Sephora to pick up the makeup we need for the wedding. (Hairdresser guy is also Makeup Guy for our weddings, but of course he can't bring his kit out right now and can only use what we provide.) Shopping at Sephora was much more difficult than usual because there were no testers anywhere and we couldn't see how anything actually looked. It’s also much harder to gauge facial skin tone under a mask!  An employee was very helpful in telling us what things looked like and guiding us around the store, so we were eventually able to get the things we needed. On the way out, my mom started feeling dizzy from too much heat or locking knees or too much wearing mask or something, so she had to sit down awhile but was fine after that. I drove us home. 

While we were gone, the construction guys came to the house and repaired the broken fascia with sturdy new wooden beams. They're coming back tomorrow to put the siding on, then the gutter guy comes Thursday, but it already looks a zillion times better. We celebrated this evening by all going out and sitting around the fire table to roast marshmallows. The fire table is a new backyard accessory, it's like a fire pit except it's shaped like a low table and has a propane tank underneath. You turn it on like a grill and in the center is a bar that produces an adjustable fire. It's very pretty and very easy, but the little glass rocks do not do well with getting marshmallow dripped on them. Nothing is perfect, I guess. The kiddo was super happy because he's been wanting to roast marshmallows since we arrived and finally got the chance. He ate a bunch of marshmallows and chocolate, got extremely hyper for about thirty minutes, then passed out at bedtime. An excellent night for everyone! 

[anastasiaskarsgard]

TO THE ANON THAT ASKED FOR A SMUTTY CHEATER BILL STORY HERE YA GO. I INITIALLY DELETED THE REQUEST BECAUSE I DONT CONDONE CHEATING BUT THEN I THOUGHT, ITS FAN FICTION. NO ONE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY AND IVE GOTTEN A FEW REQUESTS FOR THIS SO HERE YA GO.

Here’s part 1: https://anastasiaskarsgard.tumblr.com/post/188138288236/this-is-a-really-involved-request-so-im-breaking

And here is PART 2

Warning!!! Smut 18+ mature content.

As we pulled into the parking lot, everything hit me at once. I had literally witnessed my dog get murdered, the man I thought was perfect was Satan himself, I have no belongings, I don’t know anyone but Randi here. But then I remembered all the good like I was free, I’m not dead, I have the best friend in the whole world, I already found a job and got paid a lot for basically getting to be near the hottest guy ever and there’s photographic evidence, and literally the world is my oyster. I even get to go to Canada! Hayden Christensen lives there! I look over at Randi and can’t help but laugh when I see her sassy face. She is not a fan of feeling sorry for yourself. “Sorry, I’ll stop. They’re happy tears! I swear! I’m so happy I have you, and we’re going on this adventure. I’m just grateful.”

“Wow. Don’t cry Bitch. You’ll fuck up your make up.” my best friend joked.

I chuckled, and gave her a hug, then stood straight out of the car and let her lead the way to see if everyone had gotten a table together in Mortons.

We found everyone taking their seats. I took the closest open seat next to the photographer and Randi sat between Andy and Bill across from us. I didn’t want to look at Bill and have Randi give me shit, so I read the entire menu like 3 times to avoid looking up. We all ordered, and then Andy had the idea for everyone to introduce themselves:

“Ok since everyone is from all over the place, let’s do a fun little ice breaker. I’ll start. My name is Andy, I’m from the beautiful country of Argentina and I’m a Director as I’m sure you all know, let’s be more original, I know! Name your fear! I’m afraid of drowning.”

“My name is Randi, I’m from Kalamazoo Michigan, I’m an artist and I’m afraid of flying.”

“Ok hi everybody! I’m Bill, I’m from Stockholm Sweden, I’m a human and I’m afraid of being alone.”

I giggled like an idiot, froze and looked over at Randi, who was smiling at me, shaking her head. Dammit.

“My name is Barbara and I’m Andy’s sister, and I am afraid of creepy crawly things.”

“I’m Maria from Brazil, I am photographer and I fear bad lighting and flaky models. Thank goodness for Liv appearing like magic and save the day.” She smiled at me warmly and squeezed my hand.

I felt everyone’s eyes on me, and could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn't bear to look at Bill or Randi, so I stared down in my lap and could feel my face heating up. “I’m Liv from Las Vegas, I guess I’m a model for now and I’m afraid of being a failure, velociraptors, roller coasters, centipedes and public speaking.” I chuckled uncomfortably. I ramble when I’m nervous.

“I’m afraid of velociraptors as well,” Bill laughed. “Jurassic Park ruined me as a child.”

Everyone laughed heartily at Bill’s expense but I felt appreciative of him making my ridiculous fear seem more credible and drawing attention away from my obvious nervousness. I snuck a peek at him and he winked at me playfully.

I didn't know what to think of this beautiful man. My initial reaction to him had been negative. He seemed like every other snobby Hollywood type, complete with crazy girl problems, but as the day progressed, he surprised me over and over with how genuine he seemed to be.

As lunch went on, Randi and Maria were talking technical terms, so Bill and I looked at each other and just smiled and shrugged our shoulders. It wasn't like we were being ignored, just everyone except us was wrapped up in their own conversations. I was content with that too, but then an ice cube flew into my cleavage.

My eyes shot open and I observed a very amused Bill trying to contain his laughter but not doing a very good job.

”I promise I’m not an asshole. I have just been trying to get your attention since we got here. So how long you been in LA?” He asked me like i was the most interesting thing he’d ever encountered.

”What time is it? Less than 24 hours.”

His eyes went wide and he choked on his drink a bit, then began to laugh at himself . ”wow, and you already booked a major job? Who is your agent? Are you an actress or just gorgeous... I mean a model.”

”you are super smooth Bill. I’m kidding! Don’t pout you’ll get wrinkles.” I had to give him some shit. “I don’t have an agent because I don’t have any interest in fame at all.”

He looked impressed by that for some reason. ”so what brought you here?”

”Randi is my best friend, and I needed a change of scenery.” I said making sure to avoid eye contact. I knew I was just being paranoid, but I felt like he could look into my soul, with the intensity he was looking at me with. I’m a terrible liar, so I’m convinced if I look at him, he’ll see I’m not being honest. I didn't want to mention the literal hell id escaped to be here.

I could still feel his gaze on me, and I caught Andy looking between us with an unreadable expression. He's a director so he probably can read people really well.

Shit. I’m probably just being my normal neurotic psycho self. No one probably gives two shits about me, and this is all in my head. These people are famous and successful. I’m just another one of the millions of girls that they encounter in LA.

Maria tapped my shoulder. “Hi honey, can you switch seats with your friend? I want to show some my work?”

I smiled and agreed, but the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy as I took my seat by Bill. He was texting so I got my phone out to play a game or two. Suddenly I felt Bill’s leg press up against mine. I looked over at him, but he just continued with his phone, but was clearly smirking. Just then The food arrived and I was famished, so all other thoughts were abandoned.

“Wow! You eat real food!” Andy exclaimed.

“Oh it’s not fair! Liv has always eaten whatever she wants and doesn’t gain a pound.” Randi whined.

I blushed feeling all the attention on myself again. I wanted to fade into my surroundings like a chameleon. “I like to eat.”

I looked at Bill and he was off his phone but I could tell he was watching me as he ate.

“What?” I asked finally, when he didn’t stop looking at me.

“You’re very interesting.” He said.

“How?” I scoffed.

“Well for starters you’re drop dead gorgeous but you don’t like being the center of attention. Am I right?”

“I wouldn’t go with drop dead gorgeous, maybe conventionally attractive. There’s not really anything wrong with me, but there’s nothing to write home to your mother about either.”

He chuckled. “See? There you go again. You’re humble and funny too.”

I could feel my face burning so I excused myself to go use the restroom, but Bill said he’d show me where it was since he needed to smoke and make some calls.

I was fully aware where it was, but agreed and figured I’d let him show me. He turned before we reached the bathroom and he opened a door that appeared to almost blend in to the wall, revealing a very plush, luxurious bathroom with a large vanity.

“Oh my gosh is this like the Secret VIP potty?” I asked. I had always heard about secret lounges and VIP cool stuff so I was ecstatic to actually see one. I probably seemed like such a dork but I didn’t care.

“Something like that.” He said following me inside and locking the door behind him. I turned around to tell him there only appeared to be one toilet, when he took a couple steps and closed the distance between us and kissed me, pinning me against the wall.

He pulled back and looked down into my eyes, “I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you.” He said deepening the kiss again.

I stepped aside to move out from under him and caught my breath. “Your girlfriend though!”

“It’s over with her. It’s been stale a long time” He said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. “Don’t worry, I'm sick of her. I much rather have you. Do you have a boyfriend?” He pulled me against him again and my God the man was so good looking.

“Nope. I’d have kicked you if I did, I’m not a cheater.” I couldn’t believe his lips were on me. I tried to think and get ahold of myself and be rational, but as he kissed down my neck and groped my breasts, it was getting hard to remember why this wasn’t the best idea ever.

“. Listen, you’re very attractive Bill. Like best looking guy I’ve ever seen attractive, and I’m flattered, but we should get back. They’re gonna wonder.”

“This dress is killing me though, and youre so so beautiful.” He groaned lustilly, as he slowly slid my dress’ strap down, continuing his way down, kissing down my throat to my chest. He exposes my breast and looks up to make sure I wasn’t going to object, but when I just bit my lip, he placed his mouth on my nipple, suckling at my breast. He releases it with a popping sound, and slips a hand under my skirt, rubbing me through my panties, as he sucksin a breath through his teeth, before going for my other breast. This motherfucker is gonna kill me. How can one man be so hot and what did I do in a past life to deserve this shit? Seriously universe? How do I carry on knowing his tongue was on my nipple?

He hiked my skirt up to brush his fingertips across my folds. He bit my bottom lip and then pulled his hand out from under my skirt, and sensually tasted his fingers before leading me to the large round cushioned ottoman at the vanity, trying to get me to sit.

“What are you up to? You’re - this is so bad.” I tell him as he pushes me down lightly as he kisses me passionatly.

He looked deep in my eyes. “Please let me taste you and make you feel good. I don’t expect anything from you and I don’t do this type of thing ever, but I’ve honestly never wanted to see what someone tastes like more in my life.”

FUCK. Who in the hell could say no to that?

All I could do is nod, too shocked to fully comprehend that this was really happening.

He got on his knees in front of me and I couldn’t help but admire his gorgeous features. As crazy as it sounds, he had the most beautiful bone structure; severe and angular, yet it was offset by his big green eyes with their long sweeping lashes, luscious plump full lips, and adorable perfect little child-like nose. His hair was silky and thick and he smelled like mint and soap.

I watched as he pulled my underwear off and placed them in his pocket, before leaning me back with one hand, as the other lifted my dress. He bit my inner thigh gently, but still sent a thrill up my spine causing me to visibly shudder.

“I haven’t even started yet,” he smirked up at me cockily, before pressing his mouth to my sex before I had time to reply. I’d had my pussy eaten before, but nothing like this. There was no sign of nervousness or insecurity that some men display when they go down there. Like you can tell they’re not sure what the fuck to do, but Bill was sure of himself and seemed to genuinely love doing it. He was so enthusiastic and it felt so amazing. I never had done something like this in my life, and wouldn’t even kiss on a first date, yet here I am. I was scandalized and aroused, and so close to an orgasm it was shocking.

“You gonna cum for me baby?. I love how you look right now.... Cum on my face.... please?” He pleaded and pushed another finger inside of me. I couldn’t look at him. It was all too much.

I let out a moan as he moved his fingers and tongue in such a combined effort, that I reached out and gripped his hair, pressing his face against me as my release crashed down on me, violently shaking me, and making everything go white, as it wound down. It was seriously one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had, and it took me longer than a polite amount of time to realize I was still holding his face, and immediately released him”I’m so sorry, I didn't realize I- .”

“Sshhh.” He said chuckling and came up and kissed me deeply. “Can you taste yourself on me?”

I nodded shyly, looking away to break eye contact. He was so intense and I wasn’t sure what he would want me to do to return the favor.

He put his finger under my chin and pulled my face back over to look in his eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

I looked back at him, waiting to see what he did next. I was surprised he wasn't taking his pants off, but was too shy to try and take them off myself. I really wanted to though, and that surprised me. I wanted him to fuck me and wasn’t going to think about it, just do it. Like Nike.

He stood up and helped me to my feet, and helped smooth my dress out. He pulled me into another kiss and I could feel how excited he was.

“Let me make you feel nice now.” I mentally scolded myself for saying something so not sexy but just looked up at him with my best doe eyed look.

“You’re so cute. Don’t worry about me, just yet. I don’t want a quickie in a bathroom with you, I want like a bed and many. many. hours. I want to impress you.”

“I’m fucking impressed Bill.”

He chuckled and bit his lip, and you could see the wheels turning. “I really want to fuck you but I also don’t wanna be too long and full disclosure, Andy threatened serious bodily harm not to touch you. Said you’re a heartbreaking man eater.”

“Randi advised me to avoid you because you’re a foreign actor that’s too good looking for his own good. You’re obviously a monster.”

We both got a good laugh out of that.

“What’s your phone number?” He asked taking out his phone.

“I don’t currently have one. I need to get one. I lost mine yesterday.”

He looked at me incredulously. “If you don’t want to give me your number it’s ok.”

“No. Take Randi’s number, that’s the phone I was using earlier anyways, that way you can call, cuz I don’t have a pen or anything.”

“How about your email, and then you can send me your number when you get it. Randi might catch on if I call her phone.”

“You’re so smart! You’ll see me in a week on your new movie too.”

“Really? That’s the best news I got all day but if you think I’m waiting a week to be inside you, you’re insane. Now go, just say I went to smoke and make calls if they ask where I am. I’ll give it a couple minutes.”

I gave him my email and walked out the door to go try and act like the hottest fucking thing to ever happen in my life, didn’t just go down. When I turned the corner, I nearly threw up and cane to a screeching halt. I met eyes with the estranged exgirlfriend. I didn’t wanna seem weird so I smiled and sat down to finish my meal, since turning around and running the other direction might bad. I mean as far as I was concerned he was single, so I had no reason to feel guilty of anything. And I didn’t plan on admitting that happened to anyone, so not telling her was totally fine. She tapped on my arm and I cautiously turned to her.

“Did you see Bill by chance?” She asked politely.

“He said he was smoking and making some important calls when he left the table earlier.”

She laughed a little and rolled her eyes, “that man and his cigarettes! I blame Hemlock Grove for turning him into a chainsmoker. He’s probably smoked two or three in a row.”

“All this talk about smoking makes me want one, I’ll go find him. Excuse me ladies.” Andy said, as he quickly walked towards the exit to find Bill.

“He’s probably going to warn Bill that I’m here. We got in a fight earlier and he can be such a brat. Watch when he comes back, he’ll pretend like nothing happened.”

Maybe she didn’t realize he really was done with her. She had a funny accent so I assumed she’s Swedish too. He was probably her only friend out here so I couldn’t help but pity her.

“Between silent treatments and smoking, Bill would be dead by morning.” Randi said with a mischievous wink.

“Oh if you could see his hissy fits, they’re the worst!” She enthused. “Anything in his hands he’ll throw and if it’s something like a sandwich or drinks and won’t hurt you, he’ll throw it on you. But then if I try and ignore him, he’ll lay on me like a big dead weight until I speak.” His girlfriend said, laughing hysterically. Everyone joined in telling stories of past boyfriends that were grown men, having varying degrees of tantrums, but I just sat silently. My ex story wasn’t funny.

Andy and Bill came back and I could feel an anxiety attack creeping up on me.

I looked up and Bill was staring at me and I looked to Randi and she had a puzzled look on her face. In an effort to not give anything away to her, my eyes shot back up to Bill.

Bill looked furious. He seethed animosity and I just looked down at my plate to avoid that glare. I wasn't sure if I was the cause or she was, but I desperately wanted to run out of the place screaming and looked at Randi again pleading with my eyes to go. She seemed to catch on and I tried to keep it together.

His ex got up and rushed over to him. Just as I looked up, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek. My eyes narrowed involuntarily as he glanced over at me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. His girlfriend grabbed his face and kissed him right on the lips.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Tears threatened to spill but I held them back as I stared at my lap. I kept seeing Bill’s eyes as he looked up at me from between my legs. Flashes of him pinning me to the wall, or oh my fucking god! My underwear are in his pocket!

My pussy is on his face too and he just kissed her.

He seemed so genuine, but he was an actor, what did I expect. Faking Feelings and emotions was how he paid the bills. I couldn’t believe how stupid and guillable I was! He probably got off on this shit. Poor woman. I was exaggerating when I’d said he was a monster but goddammit I was right!!!

”Ok thank you for inviting us and I can't wait to see whoever is going to join us in Toronto, but Liv and I must be off for an important appointment and then packing.” Randi said her goodbyes as I walked around the table and stood beside her, keeping my back to Bill.

”Bye everybody. I had fun” I said Sweetly and then I turned on my heel and walked past Bill without a glance.

”See you two in Toronto.” Bill called after us, and even though I refused to look at him, I could feel his eyes burning into my back as we walked away.

[bringmetolife-pwff]

Part One: Chapter Five - The truth of the matter

Evelyn was back at her sister's apartment that she was staying at with her after having a nice night with her parents and dog, Bran.  She had received Jake's message and was quite nervous.  

She was meeting up with Jake today, to be honest a little afraid of what might come from this.  

"Hi Jake," she greeted him with a small smile as he hugged her.

Jake was older than her being thirty-two years old.  He had short curly brown hair, he was tall, had a long nose, defining cheekbones and a muscular build.  All in all, he was handsome.  

"Evelyn," he greeted back.  "I would say it's nice to see you again but given the circumstances..."

She would have laughed at that if she hadn't known what this meeting was about.  It was about Liam and Blair.

Evelyn and Jake took their seats and scanned over their menus.  He kept glancing at her, unsure of where to start with why he wanted her here today.  The waitress came to order their drinks and their food.

"Mind if I smoke?" He said wanting to check with her first.

"Go ahead," she nodded her head as she watched him take a cancer stick out and lit it, slowly puffing out the smoke as he fought with how he should go about this.

"So," Jake cleared his throat.  "I'm sure you're wondering why I called you here."

"That might have crossed my mind," said Eve.  "But I figured it had to do with Blair and Liam."

"The truth of the matter is that we both got the shitty end of the whole debacle," Jake concluded to his good friend as he shrugged his shoulders taking another sip of his beer.  "You know as well as I do that we have never shagged.  Not once," he hold up his pointer finger to make a point.  "Bloody hell if I'm going to just sit back and take it."

"What do you reckon you're going to do?" Evelyn asked with curiosity and slight annoyance.  She wasn't sure what she was more annoyed at.  The fact that she hadn't seen it sooner that her ex-best friend used her or the fact that she was blind enough not to see it.  "Go to the tabloids and have a tell-all interview?  That won't go down quite well, will it?"

Evelyn was never one to complain especially to the tabloids.  Damned if she would sell her soul that far to the devil.  You'd have to be an idiot bloke to do that!

"Why's that so bad, hm?" Jake questioned her.  "It's letting the media know what really happened."

"Jake, regardless of what happened, there's always going to be people who believe those bloody tabloids.  No matter what.  You can't make everyone happy.  It wasn't just you this happened to.  It was me too."

"I know," he let out a frustrated sigh as he rubbed his face frustrated with the dilemma they were put in but also understanding Evelyn's point of view.

The tabloids were told lies about not only their character but also were possibly destroying their reputations knowing fully that there would always be people who believed them.  They didn't care who they hurt as long as they got a story out there that was interesting and would make money.  She had learned from her dad at an early age never try to take it personally what they say about you.  Although sometimes she did.  Especially this.

"Well even though I don't know what will come of this, I do know one thing.  You deserve the best, Evelyn.  You really do."

"Thank you Jake," she said with a small smile.  "You deserve the best too."

Now that she thought about it, she remembered that she always did feel bad for Jake when he was dating Blair.  Even though she loved Blair she always felt like he got the short end of the stick in the relationship.  

They finished the rest of their lunch catching up on each other's lives and what the other was up to right now.  It had been months since they had seen each other and it was sad that it took this for them to reach out to each other.

***

As she lay in her bed she was eating a box of her favourite chocolates watching reruns of I love Lucy and Breakfast at Tiffany's.  At the moment it was Breakfast at Tiffany's.  Whenever she was sad or down she these were the movies she always turnt to.  

It was the scene where Holly meets Paul as she ate her chocolates with tears streaming down her face from her blue cerulean eyes.  

Evelyn heard the door open and knew that her sister, Vivienne, was home now.  

"Shit, Evelyn," Viv said to her sister.  "What the hell happened?"

Evelyn paused the telly as she finished a bite chocolate.

"I had lunch with Jake."

"Our brother Jake?" Vivienne said confused as her eyebrows furrowed.  "What could he have possibly said to make you upset?"

Although Jake and Evelyn weren't as close like she and Eric, they still deeply admired the other.  Wanting only the best for each other.  Vivienne on the other hand was closest to Jake and sometimes found it hard when Eve and Jake got in rows with each other.  

"No, not that Jake," Evelyn laughed as she shook her head.  "Jake Levingston.  Blair's ex."

"Oh," Vivienne scrunched up her nose in distaste.  She honestly didn't want her sister to have anything to do with any of them.  Not that she didn't mind Jake but he was linked to Blair.  Vivienne was different from her sister.  Once you messed up horribly, it was hard for her to forgive them.  This was the first time that Evelyn wasn't going to forgive Blair and Liam.  There were some things that just weren't forgivable.  "Again, what did he want?"

Vivienne had met Jake quite a few years ago.  They had been in similar social circles but had never met until her sister knew him.  She liked him when she first met him but felt as though he had been tainted by Blair and was no longer deemed as attractive in her eyes.

"We were discussing the rumours of us sleeping together and how he believes that Blair and Liam are behind them.  I know you don't like Jake, but trust me, you don't have to worry about him.  I know that you think because he was with Blair he's not as attractive anymore but he is not who we have to worry about.  He's a good friend."

***

On her desk the next day as she arrived to work she was confused and shocked to see a beautiful bouquet of flowers including carnations, scabiosas, snapdragons and ruscus sitting on her desk in a vase with a card.  Walking closer toward the vase she took the card out of its place and read it.

Thought you could use some cheering up.

- W

She tried to rack her brain who W could be.  W?  Who the bloody hell goes by W?  She had her friend Warren but he was married to her good friend Elise.  It dawned on her that these were from William.  Evelyn smiled as she shook her head wishing she could talk to him.  They arrived at the perfect time.

With all the shit that has gone down its amazing that Evelyn is still afloat.  It seemed as though it was bad news after bad news.  

Evelyn had another busy day at work but to her busy was good.  Being busy meant that business was booming.  That she was able to provide for her employees and that people were still making her dream come true.

It was now the end of the day and she headed back to the apartment.  It was cosy but she also knew she wanted her own space.  She loved her sister, but she knew she couldn't live here forever, although it was great in the meantime.

It was a rainy day in London as she walked along the cobblestone streets feeling some of the gaps between the stones between her pink heels.  Her mobile rang as she reached in her coat pocket for it having just finished with work.

"Hello?" said Evelyn as she was fishing for her keys as she walked to her car.

"Eve, hi!" Elise's chipper voice rang through the mobile allowing her to smile at the familiar, friendly tone.  "How're you?"

Elise had also been one of Evelyn's good friends since primary school.  She was the complete opposite of Evelyn.  She was taller than her.  Elise had fiery red hair and a personality to match.

"I've been okay.  And you?"

"I'm fine, thank you.  I was just curious.  What do you think about taking a short holiday?"

***

"Twice in one day, Lieutenant?" Evelyn said with a casual smirk as she answered her mobile to William as she was finally home.  "Aren't I lucky?"

"Lieutenant, huh?" William joked back.  "That's a first.  But no, I wanted to see how you were doing and to let you know I'll be in London in a few weeks."

"Really?" A big grin made its way to her face as she thought about seeing William again.  "Well, you'll have to let me know what day so that we can have that dinner..."

"Oh no," William laughed liking the fact she seemed to be in a better mood.  "I can't let you know yet."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a surprise."

"Well, I should let you know then I'm taking a short holiday."

"Really?  How long will you be gone?  Any idea where you are headed?"

"I'll be gone for a week with my good friend Elise.  We're headed to Shere, Surrey.  Ever been?" She asked him curious of all the places he's traveled to.

"I can't say that I have," he told her honestly.  "Isn't it a quiet little village?"

"It is," Evelyn nodded her head even though he couldn't see her.  "It'll be nice to get out of the city for a bit.  Thank you for the flowers, William.  They were beautiful."

"It was my pleasure," he said sincerely.  

Because he was away with the military at the moment he asked his father if he could order a bouquet of flowers and send it to her address for her.  He already knew what flowers he wanted he just needed his pa to send it and he was grateful to him that he did.  No questions were asked - no curiosity.  Charles did it knowing that it must mean something special if his son was sending flowers to a woman seeing as he didn't send flowers to just anyone.  

He knew he would tell him in due time.

[three-drink-amy]

If After All These Years, You’d Like to Meet

master list - AO3

Chapter Ten

John pulled Claire back into the restaurant and sat her down at the bar. “So...you’re actually admitting it? You think this was because of your dream. I hate to say it, Claire, but maybe your feelings are just lust.”

She shook her head at him. The last 24 hours had been a series of confirming events, only prompting her to actually admit the truth to herself. Claire didn’t really know why she’d told John about it. She almost wished she’d kept it to herself and just gone home to stew. “No,” she told him, “it’s not just lust. God, it would be so much easier if it was that.” Claire sighed deeply before she felt she had to continue. “It’s everything. He’s kind and generous. He’s somehow always there when I need him. I end up spending so much time with him or I spend time thinking about what he might be doing. I don’t honestly know how I went as long as I did not talking to him after that blasted intervention. When he just showed up at the hospital, I felt so much lighter. I was just happy he was with me.” She looked over at John and he raised his eyebrows in reply.

“That does sound deeper than just a naughty dream,” he agreed.

“It is. But I never wanted to admit it to myself. That makes things far too complicated. Plus some of my feelings could predate me being single and that makes things even more complicated. Frank accused me of breaking up with him to sleep with Jamie and I was horrified at the comment. But I’ve probably had feelings for him since not long after I saw him again. Even just after the first time we met again in the bar, the night I moved here, I couldn’t stop thinking about him until I saw him again,” Claire continued, finally spilling the truth. She didn’t know how badly she’d needed to talk about this. “He’s a wonderful person and even just as my friend he treats me better than anyone I’ve dated ever has.”

“So why don’t you tell him then?” John asked, making it seem like the obvious next step.

Claire bit her lip. “Because I can’t.”

John groaned. “Don’t say that. Why? Why couldn’t you tell this person who is easily the closest person in your life that you have feelings for him?”

“Because I know he doesn’t return them. I can’t put myself out there when I know the result,” Claire insisted. John stared at her, a dumbfounded expression on his face. Then he began to laugh. He leaned his head back dramatically as he continued to laugh right at her. “What is so funny?”

“You actually think he doesn’t return the feelings?” John cried, wiping away a tear that had leaked from his eye in his laughter. “Seriously?”

“Yes, I do.”

John gaped at her. “How is that what you think? Do you have eyes, Claire?” Before she could reply, he continued. “Because Jamie does and they’re always on you. And the rest of us do and it’s easy for us to see that there is something between you two.”

“Then why would he tell me he thinks of me like his sister?” Claire demanded.

John sat back in his chair and eyed her suspiciously. “He actually said that?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

Claire huffed. She didn’t really want to rehash the glancing blow Jamie had dealt her with his words. John’s steady gaze proved that she would have to, though. “It was at the party I held when Frank was in town.”

“Oh,” John replied, drawing out the word. He nodded with a smile on his face. “I get it. So how did he say it?”

“He was telling Louise how he brought you to the party to prove that there were men who didn’t want to sleep with me,” Claire informed him.

“Oh my God, he told you that too?” John asked. He rolled his eyes. “He must have thought that was really funny. He laughed to himself for like five minutes in the car on the way over.”

Claire couldn’t help but smile at the image. Jamie was in fact a funny man. Apparently he thought so himself as well. She nodded in reply to John’s first question. “Yes, he told me and then also Louise. He really must have wanted everyone to hear it. Anyway, so Louise then asked him if he fell into the group of men who didn’t want to sleep with me.”

“That’s when he said it?” John asked, cutting off Claire’s story. She nodded. “You can’t believe it, then.”

“What?”

“I’m a man, trust me. You can’t believe it,” John insisted. “He was asked point blank if he wanted to sleep with you and he denied it because it would be too awkward to say yes. Next question.”

“That really didn’t seem like what he was doing,” Claire argued.

“Were you standing there?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t believe it.”

Claire huffed and sputtered, trying to fully explain the situation to John. She felt as though he wasn’t really listening to her.

“Was Frank around?” John asked further.

“No. I didn’t see him. I don’t know where he was at that point,” Claire replied, trying to call who’d she’d seen Frank talking to before she walked over to talk with Jamie and Louise.

“So he could have been nearby,” John said with a wave of his hand. “That’s another point in the “You can’t believe it” column.”

“You really think that Jamie has romantic feelings for me?” Claire asked hesitantly.

“One hundred percent I think so,” John responded with certainty. “Look, Claire, it comes down to this Jamie is usually very particular about the company he keeps. He spends more time with just you than he does with all of us. He certainly spends more time with you individually than he does with any of the rest of us individually. He’s never had lunches with Geillis or Louise just the two of them. And bottom line, he never even looks at them the way he looks at you. He looks at them like they’re just his friends. He looks at you like you are his world.”

Claire rolled her eyes. Surely she would have noticed if Jamie was staring at her lovingly all the time. John had made a good point with the fact that she couldn’t necessarily trust his “sister” comment. But the thought of actually telling Jamie that she had feelings for him truly terrified her. Jamie had become so important in her life that she couldn’t imagine risking it.

“So are you ever going to tell him?” John asked. Claire flashed him an unsure expression. He shook his head in response. “What if I can give you an answer? What if you could know what he would say?”

Anger flared up in Claire. “You are not allowed to tell Jamie that I have feelings for him! If anyone is going to actually do so, it is going to be me, not you, John! I swear to God that if you tell him, I will make your life a living hell,” she promised.

John’s hands flew up in defense. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Claire. That wasn’t what I meant at all. I was just thinking that the two of you must be pretty used to some of us asking what it is between you. Jamie wouldn’t likely be suspicious if one more person asked.”

Claire sighed, dropping her head in her hands. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it. Maybe one day I’ll actually be able to work up the nerve to talk to him about it. Right now I just can’t.”

“Claire, maybe you should remember this, then,” John began, leaning toward her, “you are an incredible woman. Jamie would be lucky to have a woman like you. Maybe don’t worry about rejection. It’s his loss if he’s dumb enough to send his amazing best friend away.”

He stood up suddenly from the bar and held a hand out to Claire. “Come on, we should get you home. You’ve got a lot on your mind.”

Claire laid her hand in his and stood up, nodding in agreement. “You may be right.” John drove her back to her flat. He smiled at her sympathetically as he stopped. Claire looked over at him before getting out. “I appreciate having a shoulder to lean on and an ear to talk to,” she told him with a smile. He nodded. “Although, I still blame you for this stupid realization.”

John laughed. “I can take the blame for now,” he said, grinning. “I’m certain that soon enough the blame will turn into thanks.”

Claire shook her head in amusement. “We’ll see.”

“All depends on you.”

Claire turned back and glared at him. “Gee, that’s no pressure. Thanks, John,” she replied sarcastically. She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “But on a more serious note, thanks for the ride home.”

John nodded. “Not a problem. Thanks for letting me crash last night.” Claire stepped out of the car and closed the door. “I’ll see you soon,” he yelled out the open window. She waved as she disappeared into her building. Claire walked up to her flat wondering how the hell she was going to find the courage to actually tell Jamie how she felt. It seemed like an easy enough thing to do, but she truly had no idea how it would happen. She hoped that John was right about Jamie’s reasons for saying she was like his sister. Even when she just wanted to forget it, even when she swore she only saw him as a friend, it still stung. Claire threw herself down on her couch once she entered her home. How on earth would she get through breakfast with Jamie in the morning? Despite herself, she felt a zing of excitement at spending more time with him.

Jamie couldn’t help but notice that there seemed to be a change in Claire recently. He found she didn’t look him in the eye much. When they were out with friends, she barely ever sat next to him anymore. They still were meeting often for lunch throughout the week, still usually at the hospital. Jamie would have never thought of a hospital as a romantic place, but the little courtyard where they ate on nice days was quiet and secluded and actually fairly romantic. It did nothing to help Jamie suppress his feelings for Claire. He still insisted to himself that he wouldn’t tell her. Surely it was too soon for her to even consider an offer like that. She’d only just broken up with Frank a couple of months ago. There was no way she would return his feelings and then it would just make things tense between them. Or at least those were the fears Jamie felt each time he considered telling her.

He often wanted to ask Claire what had changed. Why was she subtly distancing herself from him? They never touched, not even a graze of hands as they passed something. The time he’d reached out to pat her on the back at his football match, she’d fliched. She still talked to him. Lunches weren’t awkward, but they were always across each other at a table. They never sat on the benches as they had a few times before. When they’d go out with their friends, Claire still seemed like herself around the others. It was only Jamie that she acted reserved around. Had he done something to her? Had he accidentally revealed his feelings somehow? Scanning back in his mind, he was fairly certain that he hadn’t. It bothered him that he didn’t know why Claire was acting differently.

Also acting differently was John. Many times when Jamie looked over at John, John was watching Claire. If Jamie didn’t know that John was gay, he would think John had feelings for her. Maybe John knew something Jamie didn’t. The thought of Claire confiding in John and not Jamie tied his stomach in knots.

Jamie hadn’t been home from work too terribly long when a knock sounded at the door. He opened it to see John standing before him, a six pack of beer in his raised hand and a smile on his face. “What are ye doing here?”

“Well I realized that we’re friends and you let me stay here when I need to, but we never really just hang out the two of us,” John informed him. “I thought we could this evening.”

“What if I was busy?” Jamie asked, still blocking his way inside.

John glanced around Jamie at his empty flat. “Well are you?”

Jamie shrugged. “No, but what if I was? Ye didna call first or anything.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think about it to be honest. I figured if anyone was here it would be Claire and I would fit right in,” John said with a grin. Jamie rolled his eyes and stepped aside so John could walk in. “So Claire isn’t here?” John asked over his shoulder.

Jamie shut the door and met John at the couch. “No. Were you expecting her to be?”

He shook his head in reply. “Not really. Just curious. You two seem to hang out a good amount on your own.”

“We’re close,” Jamie offered as a lackluster explanation.

“Mhmm, I’ve noticed,” John mused. Jamie looked over at him suspiciously. What was he trying to say? Jamie opened one of the beers and started drinking. “You know, I never asked you. How was the date you went on?”

Jamie grimaced. He didn’t know why he’d told John about that date. John had told Claire and Jamie’s heart had about stopped when Claire had asked him the same question. He didn’t really want everyone to know he’d gone on one crappy date. Why was it anyone’s business but his? He shouldn’t have even agreed to the date to begin with, his feelings as they were. Shrugging in response to John, Jamie said, “Och, it wasn’t anything special. There hasna been a second date.”

“Why did you go out with this girl?” John pressed, much to Jamie’s irritation.

“A friend from work set us up.”

“So why did you go?” he asked further.

“Because I figured there was no harm in humoring a coworker. It would have been awkward to tell him no. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I’m not so I said no. He told me he’d found the perfect lass for me. But she was rather dull and I believe the only reason he deemed us perfect is because we’re both from Scotland,” Jamie explained.

“I suppose you could have lied to him,” John said with a laugh. “You could have said Claire was your girlfriend. You spend enough time together.”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “I could have hardly done that. We do spend enough time together and what if we ran into this friend and he asked me if this was my girlfriend, Claire? How on earth would I explain that to her?”

“You could just use that moment to tell her that you want her to be your girlfriend,” John suggested with a wry smile.

“Excuse me?” Jamie asked, nearly choking on his drink.

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me there’s nothing there,” John said bluntly. He took a drink of his beer. “You don’t spend nearly as much time with Louise. Or Geillis,” he pointed out.

“So? What does that have to do wi’ anything?”

“Jamie, look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t have some sort of feelings for Claire?” John all but demanded. He continued before Jamie could reply. “And if you did actually do that, I still don’t think I’d believe you. I see the way you two are together. It just seems like you’re already a couple.” Jamie sputtered, not knowing where this conversation was coming from or how to respond without giving himself away. John turned to face him. “Okay, say you got a promotion at work. Who would be the first person you’d want to tell?”

“Well I’m already the head of marketing,” Jamie reminded him. “So I dinna ken what promotion I’d be getting, really.”

John rolled his eyes. “Oh stop being difficult, man. Fine, you get some exciting news, who is the first person you want to tell?”

Jamie knew the answer but he wouldn’t say it. John was right. He’d tell Claire first. But he had no idea why John was being so aggressive about him and Claire. So instead, he just stared at John in mock confusion.

John sighed. “Fine, I won’t ask you to say whether or not you have feelings for Claire.” He paused and looked at Jamie. “Though I would tell you that you would be crazy not to. And I’m gay. But that’s not the point. I won’t dig the truth out of you. At least not tonight. But what is a good enough reason to not try and go after her? She already spends most of her free time with you. Do you think she wouldn’t be interested?”

Jamie set his beer down and crossed his arms. “Why are we even talking about this? You realize she just broke up with her boyfriend?”

John nodded. “Sure, yes, she’s freshly single. There’s something to be said for letting her have some time to herself, for letting her experience being single for a while. And yeah, it was obvious to all of us how utterly wrong for her Frank was. He was a nightmare who didn’t make her happy.”

John paused and took a drink of his beer. “But let’s say you’re puttering around, sitting on your ass, keeping your feelings to yourself and Claire meets someone. Maybe this guy is actually perfect for her. Maybe this one gets along well with the group and so he starts to hang out with us all the time. You’re forced to see Claire with her perfect man, knowing that could have been you. Maybe this is the last guy she ever dates and she ends up married to the perfect guy for her and ends up having perfect children.” John leaned forward and stared Jamie down. “Tell me, how does that image make you feel?”

Jamie knew full well how it made him feel. It left him feeling sick to his stomach. He loved Claire, whether he could say it out loud or not. The idea of her with another man, of blowing his chances with her made him feel hollow. They spent enough time together that if she started seeing someone else, he’d have to hear about the bastard all the time. Or worse, she’d stop spending time with just him. Frank had certainly been uncomfortable by how much time she spent with Jamie, perhaps another lad would too. Jamie had no idea how to go about finally telling Claire how he felt. He didn’t want to do so too soon after her break up and blow his chance with her. But as John pointed out, he also didna want to wait too long, either. There was a fine line to professing his love for Claire and Jamie had no idea how to find it.

Jamie could feel John’s eyes on him as he argued with himself in his head. Looking over, he noticed the smug expression on John’s face. He knew he’d won the argument. Jamie’s silence was answer enough. With a smile, John stood up off the couch. “It seems like you might have a lot to think about, Jamie.” He put his bottle in the kitchen before turning toward the door.

“Ye’re leaving? Ye’ve barely been here,” Jamie wondered aloud.

“I am leaving. I wasn’t expecting us to have that much of an important conversation, but now I feel like I need to leave you alone with your thoughts for a while,” John explained as he put his jacket on. “You’ve got some thinking to do, mate.” John walked over to the door and looked back once more. “If you want my advice, it’s this: don’t be an idiot.”

Jamie stared at him as he nodded once and left, closing the door behind him. Jamie had to wonder if John had just come over to grill him about Claire. There was no way John could actually know the depths of his feelings for her. Jamie leaned his head back on the couch and sighed. John was right; he’d be an idiot to sit on his feelings too long. Each time he saw Claire, he wished he could sweep her up in his arms and tell her the truth. He longed for her even when she was right in front of him. Jamie was certain that if Claire did return his feelings, they’d make a good match. They already were so in sync with each other. He knew her preferences, her history, and genuinely enjoyed hearing her thoughts on anything. Perhaps it was time he stepped up. No. No “perhaps.” It was time.

Claire sat at her kitchen table, hoping for any kind of distraction. It was a Saturday afternoon and she was trying to ignore the paperwork that had come home with her the night before. She could not figure out the reason a patient could be having their symptoms and it was driving her crazy. Claire enjoyed being a surgeon. She liked the precision and the healing. But the puzzles in the cases drove her crazy. There was no doubt that she was capable of figuring out why these symptoms were presenting, but her mind could not land on a sufficient answer. Sighing, she folded the file and left it on the table as she walked away from it. She desperately needed a distraction.

Claire spotted her phone on the kitchen counter and she picked it up, trying to decide which friend to call on to distract her. Realistically, she knew who it would be. It didn’t take any deciding. He was always her first instinct. She pressed on Jamie’s number and waited for him to answer. As it got to the third ring, she wondered if he was busy. Maybe she would be bothering him. Perhaps he was out on another date. The thought tied her stomach in knots. She still hadn’t put herself out there.

His voice pulled her from her thoughts. “Hello? Sassenach?” he asked, after her delay to respond.

“Hey!” she nearly yelled. “What are you up to?”

“Uh, I was just about to go for a run.”

A run. That could help clear her head. “Would you mind some company?”

“Not at all. I was going to go to the park. Want to meet me there?” he asked.

“Sounds perfect!” she replied, a smile wide on her face. “I’ll see you there soon. Just let me change quickly and I’ll head out.”

“Great! I’ll see ye soon, Sassenach.”

She hung up the phone and for the first time, felt a bit excited about a run.

Twenty minutes later, she was walking over towards him. Maybe this hadn’t been the best idea after all. He was wearing a tight tee and pants that fit him quite well. Claire felt her heartbeat quicken at the sight of him. Since her revelation about her feelings for him, she’d pulled back a bit from him. She hadn’t stopped seeing him. There was no way she could, for her own sake. But she hardly ever let there be contact between them. She never touched him anymore and would avoid sitting too close to him where their legs could touch. In her mind, she was trying to act as a friend would, and less like a woman with secret feelings. As she approached him though, she couldn’t deny that it would be nice to run her hands along the lines of his body.

“Sassenach!” he greeted with a wave. “I was glad ye called. It will be nice to have company.” He surprised her by wrapping her in a hug. Her breath caught in her throat as his arms closed around her. She quickly reciprocated the hug before stepping back.

“Yeah, I needed a distraction from some work stuff and this seems perfect,” she explained. Looking around the park, she tried to figure out which route would be the best. “Do you usually run here?”

“Sometimes,” he commented, following her gaze and looking around at the park. “I usually have a rather random path. I can try and tell it to ye.”

“I’m sure I can just follow along,” she commented.

“Are ye sure ye can keep up,” he teased, a competitive gleam in his eyes.

“Am I sure I can keep up?” Claire repeated. “Am I su-” she cut herself off as she took off running. Jamie’s laugh carried forward to her as he raced after her.

They ran for the better part of an hour. Jamie’s path had indeed been random, but they went in each sector of the large park. Claire threw herself down on the grass once they finished their run. Jamie laid down next to her, both of them still breathing heavily. She tried hard to push away the image of him laying panting beside her in a different setting. “I’ll be honest, this was a much longer run than I was expecting.”

Jamie chuckled beside her as he sat up. Looking down at her, he started grinning. “Did ye have trouble keeping up?”

Claire slapped his arm. “Clearly, I did not as I was right on pace with you the entire time.” She glared at him for emphasis.

Jamie laughed, standing up to stretch. He reached a hand down to help her stand. Claire wondered if he’d noticed the fact that she never touched him anymore. Reluctantly, she laid her hand in his. Jamie pulled his arm back fast, rocketing Claire off the ground, and making her collide with him. Her hands flew to his shoulders as she tried to catch herself. His hands caught her waist and held her in place. “Sorry, Sassenach,” he said with a laugh.

She shook her head. “No worries.” Standing a bit back from him, she started stretching along with him.

“So have ye seen much of John lately?” Jamie asked.

Claire certainly had. John seemed to spend plenty of time with her. He always initiated it. Occasionally, they’d meet for a dinner or a quick drink during the week. She wondered if he pitied her for the confession she’d made. But then she also wondered if he was trying to figure out if she’d told Jamie yet. Whichever it was, she’d been seeing a lot of John. “Yeah,” she replied. “Sometimes too much.” Jamie looked at her with a mixture of shock and concern on his face. Suddenly she heard it the way Jamie must have. “Oh God! Not like he flashed me or anything!” Claire laughed to herself. “No, I’ve just seen a lot of him recently. For whatever reason, he’s latched onto me.” She paused as she realized something. “Oh my God,” she muttered.

“What?” Jamie asked.

“We’ve all joked that John is like your son. I think he’s making me his mother,” Claire explained.

Jamie doubled over as he laughed at her revelation. “We’re his parents?” Claire nodded. “Well that certainly does explain his attachment to us, I suppose.”

Claire laughed with him. “Why did you ask if I see John a lot?”

Jamie crossed and sat on a bench behind her. Against her better judgment, Claire joined him. “Just something he said recently. He made it seem as though the two of ye spent a lot of time together. I didna ken if it was just all the times we’ve been together as a group.”

“What did he say?” Claire asked, her body tensing. John couldn’t have been stupid enough to actually have told Jamie how she felt. He’d promised her that he’d keep it a secret.

“Och, nothing bad. It was just a feeling I got from him,” Jamie looked over at her. “He seems quite fond of ye.”

Claire smirked. “Well aren’t most boys fond of their mothers?”

Jamie laughed beside her, laying his hand on hers. She left her hand there, allowing herself a moment to appreciate his touch. After a short silence, Jamie removed his hand and spoke again. “Can I ask ye something, Sassenach?” Claire wished he’d have just asked the question rather than starting with that. It set her on edge. She nodded for him to continue. “Have ye been back to Scotland?”

“You mean since my parents died?” she asked. Whatever she expected him to ask, it wasn’t that. He seemed nervous as he nodded. “No, actually I haven’t.” She tilted her head and looked at him with curiosity. “Why?”

“Well I’m going up to Scotland next weekend to visit Jenny and Ian and their bairns,” he explained. He swallowed harshly before he continued. “I was wondering if ye’d want to come with me.”

Claire stared at him for a moment. “You want me to come with you to visit your family in Scotland?”

“Well ye already ken them,” he pointed out. “I just thought it could be fun. But if ye dinna want to go -”

Claire cut him off. “I never said that. I was just surprised.” She broke her own rule and reached out to lay her hand on his. “I would love to go to Scotland with you.”

A large smile bloomed on Jamie’s face as he laid his hand over hers. “Really?” he asked. She nodded insistently. “Great. I can’t wait.”

Claire returned his smile. “Me either.”

Next chapter

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #178

“for such a little thing, you sure are in your own way.”

What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls are actual deities. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Pb & j. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? Same stuff I listen to now, although I had a mild screamo-ish phase. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. How far away is the closest store to your house and what is it? Some cheap dollar store in the town, dunno names. What is your favorite Thai dish? Haven't tried any. When was the last time you made out with somebody? Over a month back. What month of the year was your mother born? August. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. What TV show(s) have you been watching currently? None. How many apps do you have on your phone? Six. My phone has so, so little storage ugh. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? No to both. Are there any movies you’ve seen so many times? Yeah, sure. Of course a lot as a kid, Finding Nemo and The Lion King 1 & 2 especially, then I've watched both Blair Witch Project movies a lot, Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas... How would you describe your sense of humor? Sarcastic. What’s your favorite type of bread? Pumpernickel. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yeah. Have there ever been any brushfires/wildfires in your area? Yeah. What did you have to eat for dinner last night? Nothing (Thanksgiving was lunch). Do you have separate emails for personal and business? No. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. Do you know your significant other’s passwords? No, I have no reason to. Would you like to study abroad one day? No. Does someone have a crush on you but you don’t feel the same way? Idk. Who do you feel most beautiful around? Sara. /v\ What’s one makeup item you cannot live without? I could easily live without any. Is there one thing all of your ex’s had in common? All guys. Did you french kiss before you were 16? No. Imagine your spouse just died; would you get re-married? I don't know if I would. Like... I'd never stop loving her, so "moving on" to someone else just because she's no longer physically here would feel disloyal. What’s your favorite thing about life? New, fun experiences and creating strong bonds with people like you. Who pays for the first date? Idrc, but probably whoever proposed the date? Or split the bill? Have you ever had a friend that got a bf/gf, and then completely ignored you? Yeah. Do you play any computer games, if so, what ones? Not currently 'cuz my gaming laptop has to be fixed. :| When it is and I have my own income, I might return to WoW, but I'm not sure. I think the subscription is kinda high, and I have more important things to handle. What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? Idk why I find White Chicks so goddamn funny. What lyric means the most to you? Off the very top of my head, "A bloody war behind my eyes; I'll come all right on the other side" from "Free" by Mother Mother. Really makes me think of all I've been through but how I keep coming out stronger. Who is the smartest person you know? Girt. What’s the next movie you will see in theaters? Idk. Are you adopted? No. What band do you like that most people hate? You canNOT look me in the face and say you don't like at least one Nickelback song. I don't get the hate. Any new bands that you actually enjoy? Oh idk. What is your escape from reality? RPing. Do you have any self-inflicted scars on your arms? You can only just barely see them. Do you like “scene” hair? YEAH AND I ALWAYS FUCKING WANTED IT BUT I COULD NEVER POSE IT CORRECTLY 'CUZ MY HAIR WAS TOO THICK AND HEAVY. Have your parents ever been to jail? No. If your friend asked you to hold their drugs, would you? Definitely not. Does it scare you when a relationship moves too fast? Y E A H Would you ever consider hitchhiking? I don't know if I would even in a desperate situation... I don't trust people. Have you ever hitchhiked? No. Have you ever been to a music festival? No. What color car do you want to have? Burnt orange. Would you rather hike a mountain or explore a cave? Explore a cave!!! Would you rather wear a flower crown or veil? Probably a veil? Do you believe peace on earth is attainable? I honestly don't believe so. What type of tattoo do you want? s o  m a n y What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Would you ever live in the desert? Nooooo. Fuck the heat. Is your town beautiful? I don't really live in one, but the closest town isn't. Which season do you want to get married in? Autumn. Are totem poles cool? YEAH! Favorite art forms? Conceptual photography. What kind of music do you enjoy? Plenty sorts of metal, rock, and alternative. Do you have any gay friends? Yeah. Where is your favorite place to go? The zoo, even though I have mixed feelings about them... Do you know your dad? Yeah. How often do you get on Facebook? At least once a day. Are you related to anyone who’s in prison? Don't think so?? What concerts are you attending in the near future? Y'ALL I MIGHT FUCKING SEE OZZY IN JANUARY. He and Megadeth are coming to Charlotte and the tickets aren't too bad. :') It's a loooong drive but Mom was like "hell yeah" when I told her and wants to buy tickets after she gets her tax return AH. Metallica is a possibility too, but Mom doesn't think she can afford it. If you were kicked out of your house, where would you go first? Dad's. What are you currently looking forward to? Sara's b-day, Christmas, hopefully getting my laptop fixed, aforementioned concerts, and school. What was the reason you got grounded for last? Idk, that was a long time ago. But most likely for "talking back" to Mom. The last two people you kissed, are they virgins? Yes; probably not. Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you? Yeah. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? A bit to the left. If you could have anything delivered to your doorstep each morning, what would it be? Um,,, money?????? What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. Heard from my sister it's a shithole with the craziest and rudest people known to Planet Earth. I'm not big on cities, anyway. Which animated character is your all-time favorite? Uhhhhhh... Dory, maybe? If you could own a home on the shore of any body of water in the world, which waterfront would you choose? I WANT THE PINK BEACHES OF THE BAHAMAS. But I'm scared of the Bermuda Triangle so will probably never see them. :'''''') What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? MY RECOVERY. If I got through what I have, I can't ever give up and roll back down that hill. I'm focusing to always improve. If you could have any round object in the world, what spherical item would you want? t h e  g a m e s p h e r e ,  l a d s If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? Practice eyes or start a poem. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Hmmm... OH, maybe a big cat's tongue licking meat. See how it actually shears tiny bits off. Cats' tongues are cool. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Take my anxiety med at the right time. If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? Oh jeez, I'd have to think too hard on this. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? Not to my knowledge, and I doubt they would've. Do you have any relatives who live on a different continent than you? I don't believe so. What are your religious beliefs? Were you raised with those beliefs, or did you develop them on your own? I'm a theist, entailing I believe in a creator, but I know nothing about him/her/it. I personally picture them as a peaceful and sage deity that allows life to go on without it intervening anywhere, letting the world evolve on its own and see how we adapt to our unique settings and handle life. In the end, I believe we are either given some form of paradise or a type of damnation depending on how you wrote your story. I like to imagine the good go to their personal vision of "Heaven," and I wonder if the paranormal activity some experience in life are the acts of the damned, apparently confined to remain on Earth or something. Anyway, I wasn't raised with such beliefs; they were developed. I was brought up Catholic, then I turned to just simple Christianity as I didn't agree with a lot of Catholic ideas, and most recently I abruptly turned away from that in favor of theism. How did you and your significant other celebrate your last anniversary? We went out for breakfast. What has been your favorite house/apartment/etc you’ve ever lived in? My last house for location, as a house itself, my childhood one. What’s something in your house that currently needs to be cleaned? I need to vacuum my room. Do you still remember any of the dreams or nightmares you had as a child? Yup. What’s the most bizarre conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The world is donut-shaped. Yeah. Do you have a good sense of direction? Not. At. All. Who was your first crush? Did you ever actually date them? Dylan, and no. What’s the weirdest, rudest, or most ridiculous thing a guest has ever done in your home? Who knows. Has anyone ever told you you’re manipulative? I don't think so. Do you know anyone who owns their own business? No. When was the last time you weren’t 100% sober? Uhhh maybe that movie night with Colleen and Chelsea. Is obtaining a college degree something that is important to you? Well, for my possible career future. Have you ever eaten at a vegan restaurant? No. Do you view substance abuse as a disease or a choice? I have... mixed feelings here. Starting something, that is indisputably a choice. Becoming addicted though, I'm not sure. Some people have addictive personalities so have a bigger inclination to become addicted, but isn't that just a personal trait/weakness you can fight?? I dunno. I know it's labelled as a disease by people way more informed than me though, so. What does the last text you sent say? Don't feel like checking. Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or ‘sir?’ No. I live in the South, that's polite. Have you ever been obsessed with a television character? Does Dory count for movies? ha ha Do you ever wish you had powers of invisibility? Not really. What was the last thing that changed your life completely? Recovery. Do you have any step siblings? One. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. In which state/country were you born? NC, U.S.A. Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? Disney World. What do you normally drink when eating at a fast food restaurant? Coke or Mountain Dew. Have the police ever been looking for you? Not because I did something wrong; I've told the beach story a few times. If you chew gum, which kind is your favorite? I love the watermelon Hubba Bubba one asjfawoeu Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah. What was the last liquid that you choked on? Water, just this morning when I was taking my meds ah. How many times did you wake up today before actually getting up? Well, I woke up once in the middle of the night like usual, then I woke up at like, 6-something and went back to sleep. Who did you celebrate your last birthday with? Mom, sises, Ash's husband and kids, and Dad stopped by. Was your last kiss initiated by you or the other person? I think it was kinda a simultaneous thing. We were saying bye. Do you buy a ton of things at the store at once or just for that day? Mom does the shopping, but it depends on how much time she has and what's at the house. When getting dressed do you put your pants or shirt on first? Pants. When you kiss a person where do your hands usually go? I actually don't know if it's a consistent thing for me??? I don't kiss anyone regularly so I don't recognize a pattern. What is one song you listen to that you’re sure not many people do? "False Flags," probs. Massive Attack is so neglected of the attention they deserve. Do you use a handrail on stairs if there is one? Yes, I'm scared of tripping. What was the last thing you saw that made you smile? Teddy came right up into my face wanting attention. What is your favorite drinking game? Never played any. Do you have any tattoos that you don’t like anymore? I think I've mentioned why I don't love my "ohana" one now. I'm getting it covered at some point. My "perfectly flawed" one is probably getting covered by a much bigger piece; I picked a bad location for it to want a sleeve. I'd just maybe redesign it, put if somewhere else. Do you have a shower curtain or door? Curtain. Who was the last person from your high school graduating class you saw? Probs Colleen? Who was the last non-relative you hung out with? Sara. Are you listening to anything right now? I'm way too obsessed with "Black Wedding" by In This Moment (feat. Rob Halford). Rob makes it, and the chorus is awesome. How many keys are on your keychain? One. Who was the last person you took a photograph with? Ryder, my nephew. Are you left handed? No. What were you most scared of when you were little? Losing my mom/being separated from her. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you painted your nails? What color(s)? I couldn't even guess. Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? Thank fuck no. Have you ever overflown a bathtub? Don't think so. What’s at the top of your to-do list in life? Stay positive, never stop aiming to improve. What was the last thing you shared? Well, Thanksgiving food. Where are you most ticklish? Feet. Do not- Which cartoon character do you want to keep as a pet? Uhhhh how 'bout an Espeon. I imagine them to be calm and silently affectionate like cats and very intelligent. Have you ever considered a career in music/acting? No. When was the last time you felt seriously embarrassed? Getting food yesterday. Per usual, let things die down, but I still ended up crammed in a corner, unable to go in any direction while someone was trying to get past me. I was headed for an anxiety attack and felt like a total nuisance. I'm pretty sure it showed in how I was whipping my head around, shuffling in various directions, clearly wanting the fuck out. Have you ever liked a song, looked up the lyrics to it, then hated it? No, lyrics can't ruin a song I like the sound of. What would be the icing on the cake for you this Christmas? A PS4, omg. I have to get my laptop fixed and a new camera, so I highly doubt I'm getting that or a tablet considering cost. I want to play the Spyro Reignited trilogy beyond words, like I refuse to even watch a let's play because I want to experience it all first-hand, but. Yeah, unlikely anytime soon. If you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it? Noooooo. Do you like quesadillas? Only chicken and/or cheese ones. Did you like the show Invader Zim? I surprisingly never saw it. What’s the greatest/most influential song you’ve ever heard? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy always makes me wanna get off my ass and do something. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen in a grocery store? A HUGE BOX OF ANIMAL HEADS IN THE MIDDLE OF WAL-MART, BECKONING THE FURRIES INTO ITS DEPTHS. Have you ever bought yourself a present on Christmas? No. Well, I've used money I've been given on Christmas, if that counts. Have you ever been on a mechanical bull? No. Do you need a key card to get into the building you live in? No. Have you ever stepped in chewing gum? Yes. Name all the people you know that you’ve seen today. Just Mom.

[hope-for-olicity]

When the Middle is Eliminated

Felicity feels torn between her love for Oliver and trying to move on with Ray. It all comes to a head when Oliver visits Palmer Tech and sees them together...he thought he could handle it, that she deserved more than him - but he can’t. She’s his.

This is my entry for the Olicity Hiatus Fic-a-thon organized by @thebookjumper - Prompt - In The Middle. It's a take on 3x16 with a twist, so it's not perfectly canon but has elements. Also available on AO3.

“It’s time to move on” - Felicity has been repeating this mantra to herself constantly since Oliver decided to put an end to their hardly begun relationship. And she had moved on. She moved onto Palmer Technologies. She was dating Ray Palmer himself.

Ray was like a Disney Prince come to life, plus he liked Doctor Who - he’s the perfect man. Ray treated her with respect. He included her in his fight to save the world. He could be a superhero and date her. He was everything she wanted with Oliver.

There were her thoughts again, on Oliver. Oliver was everywhere no matter how hard she tried he still had a hold, no, a tight grip on her heart.

Ray was kind, he respected her intelligence - okay, Oliver did that stuff too. But she needed to focus on Ray, there would be sparkage. She just had to focus. Maybe touching him more would help.

Felicity knew she deserved a man that wanted to be with her. A man that treated her right. Ray Palmer was that man; she just had to convince herself a little harder.

So when the opportunity arose to go to bed with Ray, she knew this would be when she was convinced that she could be happy with him. But instead, she ended up faking her orgasm - she blamed herself for that. If she could just let go of Oliver, she could enjoy Ray. It would just take more time.

She would play the perfectly happy girlfriend with Ray until it was true. Oliver didn’t want her. She needed to move on.

*****

Felicity was dating Ray Palmer. Oliver knew he had to get used to it. This was what he wanted - Felicity to be happy. So why did it make him so angry?

On paper Ray seemed like the perfect suitor for Felicity, he was rich, smart and good-looking, at least the gossip magazines said so. Felicity deserved the best. Palmer seemed like he fit the bill.

But still. Oliver did not like Felicity with Ray. He was trying to be supportive but whenever she mentioned him - like that work dinner which led to that...nevermind. Oliver would get there. He would be happy for Felicity, just not today.

It was with this in mind that Oliver decided to pay Felicity a visit at work. It was strange walking the old Queen Consolidated halls. Oliver could hear Felicity’s laugh before he entered the room to reveal Felicity holding onto Ray’s arm as the looked down at something.

He had to stop himself from physically separating them. All he could think was - MINE. Instead, he knocked on the glass, Felicity jumped back from Palmer as though she had been caught doing something wrong. Oliver thought he saw guilt in her eyes, he knew that was just wishful thinking.

“Felicity, Mr. Palmer.” Oliver smiled. He hoped his voice didn’t reveal his deep growl. He really couldn’t help that it naturally deepened.

“Oliver! What are you doing here? So, nice to see you.” Felicity’s heart was racing. She was now standing literally in the middle between Oliver and Ray, she couldn’t deny who held her heart.

“Oliver, please call me Ray.” Ray nodded.

“Hi Ray, I was wondering if I could borrow Felicity for a moment?” Oliver really hoped he came across as polite. All those etiquette lessons from his mother were paying off.

“Of course, I’ll be by later.” Ray leaned forward, kissed Felicity on the cheek before exiting.

As soon as Ray left Oliver heard a very soft, “I’m sorry, Oliver.” Felicity began walking toward him. “I should have told you.”

“What? No, you don’t need to apologize. You don’t owe me anything.” Now he was really feeling guilty. He’d made Felicity feel bad on top of it all. This was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Well, you are my friend. One of my closest friends,” She walked toward Oliver. Felicity couldn’t stop herself, she grabbed Oliver’s hand. “I should have told you about my relationship with Ray. This is not the way I wanted you to find out.” Felicity kept his hand in hers but looked away.

“It’s okay, Felicity.” He squeezed her hand. “I just want you to be happy. I’m glad you found someone who can help make that happen.” Oliver nearly choked on his own words. Yes, he did want her to be happy, but with Palmer - no way.

“Thanks, Oliver.” Felicity gave him a smile, she released his hand. “So what can I do for you? Is it Arrow related?”

“Yes, last night we encountered a guy with his lips sewn shut, just wondering if you could get us a name?” Oliver smiled.

Felicity walked over to her computer, muttering to herself along the way, “if only I’d known that was possible.”

Oliver smiled at her words. He knew Felicity often said things she wished she could take back but it was actually one of the many things he loved about her.

“Okay, his name is Michael Amar, street name Murmur,” Felicity pulled his arrest record up on the screen. “I can look into known associates.”

“Great. I should go. You are at work.” Oliver began to move away.

“No. Wait. We could do lunch. I mean, if you want to do lunch because it’s lunchtime. So lunch?” Felicity shook her head.

Oliver chuckled. “Okay, lunch.”

Felicity grabbed her purse, grabbed Oliver’s arm to steer him out of the office. “Good, then I can tell you how stupid you would be to join The League.”

Oliver looked at her shocked.

Felicity rose an eyebrow. “What? You think Digg wouldn’t tell me?”

*****

Oliver parked his Ducati next to Felicity’s Mini Cooper, Felicity looked at Oliver as he took off his helmet. Why is he so hot? “I could have given you a ride you know?”

Oliver smiled. “Felicity we have been through this. I really don’t fit in your car.”

“So, it had nothing to do with trying to think of your defence?” Felicity teased. They walked into Big Belly Burger. “I’ll go up to order, you get us a booth.”

“Felicity, you don’t need to pay for my lunch.” Oliver began to dig in his pocket.

Felicity placed her hand over his before quickly removing realizing how close her hand had come to another part of his anatomy. She blushed. “Sorry. I’m paying. Remember I’m the one with the paying job.” She quickly walked away. She really hadn’t meant to do that, right?

Oliver chuckled on his way to the booth. He knew Felicity was embarrassed. It’s not like she was trying to cop a feel. He watched as she ordered their food. He kind of liked that she knew his order as well he knew hers. “Stop it” - he told himself she’s got a boyfriend.

Felicity came back to the table carrying a tray full of food. She handed Oliver his veggie burger, side salad and water without comment. She dug into her own shake, burger and french fries. They ate in silence for a moment.

Felicity took a sip of her shake, looked pointedly at Oliver. “Okay, let’s talk about this. This plan you have a joining The League. The League of Assassins. Why don’t you tell me why this would be a good idea for you? Because, Oliver, I’m at a loss.”

“Well, the way I’ve been doing things is not working. Everything Ras predicted is coming true. The city is turning against me, I lost…” Oliver’s voice trailed off.

“You lost what? You better not be thinking you lost me because I’m right here, Oliver. I am right by your side as always. Sure we aren’t together romantically but that was YOUR decision. So don’t you dare use me as an excuse to lead assassins.” Felicity’s voice rose as she spoke but lowered when she practically hissed assassins.

Oliver leaned forward, took Felicity’s hand, he began rubbing circles with his thumb on the palm of her hand to calm her. “Felicity, I would never use you as an excuse. Yes, it was my decision for us not to be together.” Oliver looked away for a moment. “Really there is nothing keeping me here anymore. Perhaps, I can do more good leading The League, maybe that is my purpose.”

Felicity couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Oliver thought his purpose was to join The League. “Well, I firmly disagree. It’s your decision, Oliver, I just hope you think long and hard before you leave your sister, your city and me behind. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get back to work.”

Felicity knew she left abruptly but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold back the tears. She rushed out to her car, just trying to keep herself together until she got inside. Was this her fault? Oliver thought he was better off with The League. Why couldn’t he see himself for the hero she knew him to be. She took a deep breath, wiped away the tears. She was just about to turn on her car when suddenly the passenger door opened.

*****

Oliver watched Felicity rush off from their booth. He hated to hurt her again. In fact, one of the reasons he wasn’t with her romantically was because he didn’t want to hurt her - clearly, he was failing at that as well.

Felicity never held much regard for The League, while she was able to see more of the grey of the world than Diggle she was still firmly in the hero fighting business. She was the inspired him to do some real good for the city. Felicity understood that sometimes killing was a necessary evil but a league full assassins were too much for her. He strongly suspected it would be a step she would never forgive him for.

He turned to the window surprised to see Felicity still sitting in her car, crying. Oliver quickly dumped their garbage and rushed out the door. He opened her car door just as she was about to leave.

*****

“Felicity,” Oliver said softly as he squeezed himself into her miniature car. “Felicity, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Of course, I don’t want to leave Thea, the city, especially not you. You are the most important person in my life.”

“DON’T. Don’t say that, Oliver. It’s not fair. I told you not to dangle maybes. Don’t toy with my heart. I’m moving on. I have a new boyfriend. A boyfriend that wants me to be his partner in life, at work and fighting crime.” Crap, she said too much. She watched Oliver’s eyes widen.

“Fighting crime? What are you talking about, Felicity?” He could see her squirming. “The truth, please.”

“I wasn’t supposed to say anything,” Felicity mumbled. “I helped Ray with his own suit. He wants to help keep the street safe too. He can do that AND have a relationship with me.”

“Felicity!” Oliver rubbed his hands over his face, suddenly the car felt even smaller. “That’s because he doesn’t know yet! I wanted better for you!” Oliver just could not believe it.

“What about what I want? I respected what you wanted, Oliver. You didn’t want me. I moved on. Now, I have someone who wants me. He thinks I’m pretty amazing and you think he’s not good enough either?” Felicity was so exasperated! Oliver was going to be the death of her yet and not in the way that he feared!

“THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID. NOBODY WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. YOU ARE THE BEST. YOU ARE MINE.” He didn’t mean to yell but it was as though he couldn’t keep his words inside. He looked at Felicity nervously for her reaction.

“I am yours. I am yours. Don’t you see that is true anyway? Oh, I’ve tried. I’ve really tried but Oliver, I am yours.” Tears sprang to her eyes as she knew there was no going back now. Before she could think better of it she turned and kissed him. Oliver kissed her right back.

She didn’t know where he began and she ended anymore. She just knew this was right. This is where she should be. Slowly she pulled away. She quickly pecked him once more on the lips. “Just so you know, there is no going back now. I am yours.”

Oliver cupped Felicity’s cheek. “I can’t go back. I love you, Felicity. I have always loved you. I want to spend my life here in Star City with you. I will tell Ras no.”

“I love you too, Oliver. I’m so glad I could help you make the right decision.” She smiled. “Now, I must get back to work.”

“I’ll see you, tonight? Maybe we can do dinner?” Oliver looked at her hopefully.

“How about we do dinner in? I’ll meet you at my place at six?” She bit her lip, so hoping he said yes.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Oliver smiled.

Felicity nodded. “Good, I’ll let Ray know we are over. He always thought he was in the middle, turns out he was right.”

Thanks so much for reading!

@memcjo @wherethereissmoak @green-arrows-of-karamel @mel-loves-all @spaztronautwriter @charlinert @tdgal1 @oliverfel4@vaelisamaza @coal000 @miriam1779 @laurabelle2930@onceuponarrow @cruzrogue @lageniuswannabe @blondeeoneexox

[deeeelightfuldee]

How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? oooo boy. ok lets see. 5 dogs, 9 cats?

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My mom doesn’t play anything. My dad is a drummer

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yes. I’ve done it this week alone, just to try and calm down a little.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? i have no idea. I don’t eat crab or anything in the sea for that matter. 

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? ooo good question. umm, eight? lol

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? uhhh cream cheese.

Who’s your favorite director? i really don’t know, i don’t follow who directs what.

Bats: cute or gross? i mean, I don’t really care.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? lung pain during this whole nonsense.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? either. 

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I would love to, but I don’t see it happening with the travel restrictions these days.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have one. he’s got a family name and the men who have it do not have a middle name. Where did your last kiss take place? uhhh I believe on my driveway 

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? no clue, tbh. none that come to mind

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I don’t think ive ever done that. 

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. one of my brothers and my sister.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? brand names just don’t matter to me, but if i was forced to choose i guess shoes?

Are you a good liar? no. not at all.

Are you proud of your parents? Im super proud of my mom.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? orange

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? hot. so yummy.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? uhhhhhhh, idk who was here when I wasn’t in town, but prior to that I would imagine em/nathan

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? green 

Can you remember the last song you listened to? something from the toy story soundtrack lol. I’m binge watching all four today... I am using Kile’s disney+ for as long as he has it. I don’t think he watches it ever, so I imagine it’ll cut off soon.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? once. it was horrible. every other time I’ve done the break up.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? heck’n no. unless im going into a pool maybe.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? yes

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? he sexually assaulted me

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? my preference is laptop, 

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? not currently.

If not, do you want one? yeah i’d like to have income.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? yes. a few.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias omggggggggggggg.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes. bulls games, bears games

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? of course.

What months were you and your siblings born in? january, july, august, august

What did you have for dinner last night? nicks.

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely. to keep the shape n such.

Has your town ever flooded? uhhhhh to my knowledge once. it had rained SO heavily for like a week and the local ponds and lakes were over-flowing. a car literally floated down my road. it was so weird.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? when I was a kiddo yes. not often tho cus I didn’t like the smell, it was always sticky, and there were always bratty kids.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? only every single day it snows

Do you cry easily? i notoriously do not cry in front of anyone. I am not a crier. when I lost Kile I cried for weeks.

Are you happy with where you live? I love it.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no, i’m not a hateful person

What genre is your favorite movie? drama, romance, kids lol

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. she picked me up from the airport.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? yes. I always seem to get the nice workers and they help so much.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? yesterday. blegh. 

Was the last person you met a male or female? hmm. Iiiiiii wanna say male. 

What brand is your underwear? I think the pair im wearing is hanes.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? usually green bean casserole.

Do you have a TV in your room? yup. watching TS1 right now.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? my phone. of course it was on 2 percent.

What was the last video game you played? acnh on the switch.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? that they will be there for me forever and always take care of me. no. 

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? more by bobby darin

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? froggy fresh

How many college degrees do you want? i have two. I’d like my masters and/or phd

Can you wink? yes but I dont think it looks good lol i have to get better

Do you own any jerseys? I did, I dont know if I have any still

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. i wasn’t a dumb child and i certainly wouldnt do that as an adult

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? not really no. 

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? no. 

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? im not into piercings on guys. tattoos are fine if they arent trashy

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? all the time.

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? kind of a creamy taupe-y color

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? no

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? i probably consume more fruits? but i love both. 

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? no. sadly

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? i cant even tell you the last time i went to a dollar store.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! I would have been murdered lol no i dont do that. it grosses me out.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? something on a lot of land, big front porch.

Where do you want to get married? probably a courthouse. maybe outdoors?

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? no. just mom.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? recess

Honestly, do you like school? no. i looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Last thing that made you cry? probably dejavu.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? sort of yes.

Last person you took a walk with? liza, em, dutch, della

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? i think currently to be honest. 

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? lol either mario or an old friend david

Does any part of your body hurt? yeah. my muscles have been weakening sooooooo bad it is so painful. 

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. noooooooooooo question.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? sleepless in seattle probs.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I loved it for the longest timeeeeeeee. i dont think ill love it as much this next year, but maybe by then ill have met someone new who knows.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? uuuuuhhh probably one of my nephews/niece

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some do, some dont. 

Do you celebrate 420? Nope. verrrrrry much not my thing.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? i think so lol

How do you eat Oreos? with milk. 

Do you wear your shoes in the house? sometimes. my preference is slippers. we usually wear something on our feet because gram needs to and so does mom.

Would you survive in prison? probably not, tbh. 

Ever been to Georgia? the state, yes. many times. the country? never.

Do you get your hair cut every month? gosh no. my dream is to get my hair done professionally again sometime, but its so daggum expensive.

Current relationship in detail. I am single. i will probably start casually dating soon. 

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? i dont even know. I always imagined I’d go to kile. but who knows now.

List things you spend money on in an average week. i can go several weeks without spending.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. ooooooohhhhhh, id rather not.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? i am convinced bill would not give a fig whether or not im in a relationship. mom, however, would probably be EEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXtra cautious now.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? oh im sure. 

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? yes. even if we don’t talk anymore... theres just always a connection.

What board games are you good at? oooo, i’m very good at board games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? quilting. its expensive and im not wanting to get it all cvid-y

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? there are people who can pull it off, but it is notttttttttt my style.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? debt bill put my mom in. they don’t speak tho.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? the first couple years. 

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I don’t use the switch handheld, despite really wishing i could. the controllers are broken and beyond what I can afford. so I just use the tv dock.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? i’d pick it up 1000000000000000% , I just would be so curious what they would say.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? absolutely.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I am. I don’t ever again want to feel the way ive felt with my two heart breaks. 

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? yes, but the feeling is lessening. I responded to him for the first time in... idk how long. thinking he’d be eager to talk and be responsive. he wasn’t. it just pushes me further and further from feeling those feelings.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? no, i dont think so.

Did you get kissed last night? goodness no. 

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? I love it.

How did you get most of your scars? benny. by far.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I have taken 2. One for a fellow student in a classroom who had to administer it for a project. another time in a psych class the prof asked me to for a demonstration

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep! the only time ive been grounded.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? no. I do not get physical in my anger. I withdraw. 

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom. dropping off ice water and benny.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t even know if this phone locks messages tbh. I used to do that all the time on my t9 phones.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think maybe 1 time.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I wouldn’t say alllllllll, but i do think inhibitions are lowered so it makes it easier

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? messaging kile and realizing he isn’t interested in responding. makes me feel so dumb.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? something a family member did to me this past week.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? ummm. lately it’s been jealousy. i dont like people taking what was mine. but i’m learning if they had access to it, that likely means that it is best to let it go. so maybe im now leaning towards envy of like beautiful relationships.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? uhhh, not unless its like in a joking, light-hearted manner.

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? when im not sick... i vacuum, dust, do dishes, wipe counters and table, do laundry of others, disinfect, etc.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? I would say 51% comfort and 49% looking nice

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? yes. lots of jealousy due to their feelings toward me.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No. not my style of candy

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? manual.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? hardly.

Have you ever seen a walrus? absolutely!

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? no. one time moms friends daughter (who was significantly older than me) lent hers to us... but there were no mixes of anything. so I didn’t know what to do with it.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? uhhhhhhhh 3 if you dont include the garage door.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? i wouldn’t say a lot. I wish.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? treating me like crap cuts down my interest like immediately.

Have a best friend? meh.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yes. I dont need to concern them or worry them.

Does anyone hate you? kiles ex(?) i am sure does.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? hm. i dont really have any.

Do you remember important dates? yes. almost always.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “what if we could put the world on hold and finally meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you... would you meet me?”

Who gives the best advice? mom

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It varies. depends on who I think about.

What type of cake did you last eat? graduation cake. 

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? I have like 4 casual friends that are, but my closest friends are all straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? buona chicken one. bless it.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? tonight. I said maybe once this quarantine business is over.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan. << same

One pillow or two? 12

Do you like Mad Libs? not really no.

Are you suicidal? no. I mean there are moments where I think wow, i dont want to be here. but not like let me put together a plan.

Where do your grandparents live? my fathers parents were killed by a drunk driver bout ten years ago. My mothers father passed away maybe 12 years ago. My gram is fine and lives in the room down the hall. 

Do you cut yourself? not purposely

What is your pet’s name? benny and lottie.

Have you ever been to Canada? not yet.

Aren’t babies overrated? no, no. theyre expensive af though.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? i wish more than anything but no.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? maybe once or twice. I one time had a guy win me an animal at a carnival and i found that sooooooooooooooooo attractive.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? woops. yes. lol

Ever been to a circus? i think when i was really little.

Ever shot animals? I have not. i couldn’t. 

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I do. It is something I have some confidence in.

Have you ever run away from home? when my dad was abusive, yes. 

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? faith, family, friends, school, relationships (only cus im not in one)

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? my faith.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? my degrees and honors.

Are you satisfied with your body image? no. I am honored to have a body that is capable of all that it is.. that has been my “home” all these years. the body that still breathes life every day, thats all incredible. I dislike having the fat that I do, as I worry it could be off putting to others. but then I realize im fine being single, so then my body imagine is fine. its a weird cycle.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? yes. when I worked and a customer didnt like a policy or whatnot.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? never to my knowledge have I taken advantage of someone else seriously. I have been VERY seriously taken advantage of.

Have you ever been seriously ill? trying to get over it now tbh

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? uhhhh, not that I know of. I tend to be friendly to everyone, but I can’t think of a situation where it was an enemy.

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I do pray for others quite often. it’s important to me. I sometimes will see strangers and immediately start praying over them. I actually almost started my GRE late because I was praying over every person I saw in the room lol.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? no. not to my knowledge anyway.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? yes! like 8 miles lol. I have not. 

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? this past week.

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? shes everyones favorite. shes kind, funny, sarcastic, down-to-earth, warm.

Who have you been talking to the most today? mom lol

Are you nosy? I think it could be perceived as nosy but I love to make people feel ridiculously special. So I will sit and ask questions just to get them talking about themselves. If I recognize the personal questions are not working, I’ll keep it totally light.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? i really dont know.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? if we consider kile an ex, it would probably be that he feels overwhelmed and feels alone because he doesnt have me or his ex anymore. :(

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? ooooo thats hard to narrow down.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? no. everyone comments on how they love when it turns wheezy.

[sansa-of-oldstones]

Chapter 6 - In The Chaos

The next chapter of the jonsa modern au i refuse to abandon. 

Chapter 1/ Chapter 2/ Chapter 3/ Chapter 4/ Chapter 5

Also on ao3

-

He knew she wouldn’t be pleased, but he never expected this. For the record, Jon was planning to tell Sansa after her birthday. It had only been a couple of weeks since he truly decided to enlist, and a few days since he received a date to report. Despite what she may think, he hadn’t kept it from Sansa for long.

It didn’t matter. The damage had been done. She’d had some choice language for him that he never thought he’d hear from her mouth, and she slammed her door in his face.

“Sans.” Jon longed to make it right. “I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t even sure why he cared. Jon firmly believed it was his life, and therefore his decision to make. He understood where she was coming from, but it was his choice. Except he hated upsetting her. He knocked on her door a few more times before leaving the book she had thrown at him on the table nearby. He went for a run. If he was going to survive basic training, and Ranger training after that, he was going to need to get in shape.

He felt better after his run. Sansa did not. It was pretty terrible for Benjen when Sansa left for school. The poor guy was there for her birthday, after working all night. She let him and Brandon both know exactly how she felt.

“I’ve told you for years he needs help!” Sansa slammed her textbook on the counter before storming out. “His brain is fragile! I’ve told you a thousand times, all of ours are. He needs help! Allowing him to join the military is not helping him! It’s borderline neglectful. He deserves better.”

He resented the needing help and being fragile comments, but he forgave her. Her heart was in the right place. For her information, though, they had helped him. Plenty. There had been appointments with therapists. It wasn’t their fault Jon wasn’t very receptive. You can take a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.

She didn’t ride with them to school. She walked. He tried multiple times to talk to her at school, but she ignored him. They usually ate lunch together, because he was one of the few seniors scheduled for that particular lunch, but when he went to sit down, her friend Jeyne put her backpack where he was going to sit. He took the hint. He went to the weight-room, and got an extra workout in.

“I think the entire freshman class hates me.” Jon told Robb when he sat next to him before their last class of the day.

“So?”

“It makes it a lot easier for your sister to ignore me.”

“I might regret asking this, but why do you care?” Robb tapped his pen on his desk.

“I don’t like being ignored.” Jon shrugged. He hated himself for causing her sadness. She’d had enough sadness. “I upset her on her birthday.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“Why isn’t she angry with you?”

“I was merely the unfortunate messenger.”

“It was unfortunate alright.” Jon scoffed. “Don’t act as though you’ve had no part in this. You were there with me at the recruiter’s office. You decided to not go to The Vale, and then you were all for me enlisting. That’s a bit transparent, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t suddenly decide to not leave my family.” Robb scowled. “I made that decision years ago. I stand by that decision.”

“I know.” Jon sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated.”

“I probably am living vicariously through you.” Robb decided. “Just a little.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it.”

She was still not over it when they arrive at the school for graduation, months later. Sansa can hold a grudge, Jon had learned. It was wearing on him. At least she was speaking to him again.

“I’m not clapping for you.” She told him when he and Robb were about to walk to the designated staging area in their cap and gowns. “In protest.”

“Are you serious?” He’d asked, tired of it. Robb laughed.

“I’m not clapping for you either.” She left her brother dejected. She played with the camera Brandon had given her for her birthday. “You’re just as responsible.”

“I’m going to go line up.” Robb shook his head. “You’re being a brat, and no one made this decision for him. He made it all on his own.”

“You’ve encouraged it.”

“Stop!” Jon groaned. “Stop punishing everyone. It isn’t going to change anything.”

“You’d prefer I not speak to you?” Sansa snapped. “That seemed to bother you more.”

“I’d prefer you be happy for me.”

“Why?” She huffed. “Maybe I’m not happy for you.”

“Why?” He’d lost his home. He’d lost his family. This, though. This hurt him in a way he had never experienced. “Enlisting is the only decision I’ve ever made about my life. Everything else has been decided for me! I finally have some fucking agency, and I’m ecstatic about that. I’m taking control of my life, and I could really use some support. Do you know how easy it would have been to not graduate tonight? How easy it would have been to give up?! I wanted to! A lot! If you can’t understand that, I don’t know...If you can’t be happy for me...”

“You’re acting like enlisting is the only way you’ll have agency.” Sansa shrugged, unmoved. “You had numerous other options. I’m not supposed to be concerned you chose the most reckless?”

“It’s my choice.”

“It’s a terrible one!”

“You can’t even be the slightest bit happy for me? My parents aren’t here. You and your family are the closest thing I’ve got to a family of my own.” She stared at him, and he saw her resolve weakening. “I need someone to be happy for me today.”

“I am happy you didn’t give up.” She crossed her arms, her eyes moving to the ceiling.

“Thank you.” He moved closer to her, and she turned away. She wiped her eyes. “Sans, please don’t cry.”

“I don’t want you to leave.” She whispered. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I won’t be that far.” He hugged her.

“You don’t know where they’ll send you.” Sansa reminded him, resting against the soft, navy gown. “You don’t know what you’ll be put through.”

“I can handle it.”

“Don’t give up.” Sansa plead. “I’m sorry I’ve been so awful. I’m sorry. I’ll clap, and be happy for you, but whatever happens, please don’t give up.”

“I won’t.” He promised, holding her close.  He knew it was going to be difficult for him to leave.

”I wish I could lock you up somewhere, and keep you safe.” Sansa admitted. “I’d tell everyone you ran away.”

“Please don’t.” Jon cringed. “I’m claustrophobic. Also, I don’t think you could hide me from MPs.”

”I’m not going to.”

“That was pretty dark.”

”I’ve gone to a very dark place these past couple of months.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You need to go line up.” She backed away from him, and straightened the tie that barely showed. She smoothed the embroidered, white stole on his chest and shoulders. He smiled, and put his cap on. She snapped a quick picture. After months of bitterness, it was a relief to have the Sansa he was accustomed to back. He had missed her.

-

The next chapter will be Jon leaving, and his graduation from basic training. Thank you so much to everyone who left nice, supportive feedback!