#she never sees ANYTHING she does as in the wrong or inconsiderate

[figuerockfaeth]

can people just have kindness and understanding for others for two seconds please

[omgwhatchloe]

REASONS WHY HAVING SOME RDR2 CHARACTERS AS YOUR PASSENGER IN YOUR CAR SUCKS:

Charles: Only talks to points out every single animal he sees. Other than that, it’s just silence unless you start the conversation or you’re Arthur. Oh but trust me, he wants the AUX. He’s just not gunna ask.

John: Either demands the AUX cord or just connects it anyway, then proceeds to be musically inconsiderate with what he plays. You despise this song with every ounce of your being? Too bad. This song reminds you of your lowest point? Suck it up buttercup. This was playing in the car when you crashed and killed the person in the passenger seat? Womp womp.

Dutch: Seems to think it’s his car. In fact, he feels completely free to change the music, turns up the heat as much as he pleases, winds the windows up and down, moves his seat constantly etc etc.

Reverend Swanson and Mary-Beth: Car sick. So very car sick. Your two options when driving them anywhere is the sound of heavy breathing with the sounds of the highway being blasted in through the open window, or bags rustling with the sound of puking and groaning. Trust me, they’d rather have walked as well.

Javier: Awful navigator. It’s fine when you know where you’re going, but absolutely awful when you need navigation. Half the time, you look over and he’s gone off the navigation app and is playing subway surfers and texting. The other half of the time, he’s misreading the directions then yelling at YOU. Not to mention it’s completely unsurprising to wonder why you’ve been driving for so long then find he’s clicked on the entire wrong destination without a second thought.

Sean: Acts like he’s never eaten before in his life as soon as he gets into the car. Sees a Wendy’s? He’s suddenly starving. Burger King? He hasn’t eaten in three days. KFC? He’ll pay you back, he swears! In fact, the man has absolutely no problem being late for anything if you stop for food. You could be on the way to Davey’s funeral, already running late and suddenly pull into the Krispy Kreme carpark and you would not hear a single protest from him.

Micah: Yaps a whole lot of waffle about how he’s all this n all that to the point you don’t even know what he’s saying anymore and neither does he. Also enjoys flipping random people off and yelling shit out of the window. Expect to be chased by an angry driver for at least 12 miles.

Bill: Eats and then just throws his trash on the floor without a single second thought. If you ask him to pick it up, he will, but not without angrily grumbling and snatching it up. Is in a bad mood for about 2 minutes before he realises he wants to yap so does.

Karen, Uncle, Abigail and Sean: Distracts the driver. Whether it’s with yapping or loud videos or drinking or messing with the music volume, they somehow keep it up from the start of the drive right to the end.

Hosea: Puts his feet up and puts his seat back like he’s in bed. Just won’t sit normally. Will give you a ‘look’ when you ask him to put them down.

Lenny: Makes things awkward, because the first thing he does is comment on the dirtiness of your car then looks extremely shocked and uncomfortable at himself for saying that for about 7 seconds before pulling out his phone and facetiming Sean for the whole drive and giving you the same looks Hosea does when you try to speak to him. When not on the phone, he tends to respond with shrugs and “Okay then,” while folding him arms and staring out of the window. Seems to be in an awful mood until he’s out of the car. He hates car rides if it’s not with his favourite people.

Molly: Acts like you can’t drive. Struggling to see what’s right in front of you? Molly’s got your back! Seriously, she will yell at you to stop at the red light you had already seen 7 seconds ago and started to slow for. Old woman crossing (while you’re already stopped)? She will yell at you not to go so loud you debate kicking her out and making her get her own car, since she knows so much.

Tilly and Strauss: Tries to get you to speed. It’s like they’ve never heard of laws before, and will insist you ‘go faster’ even though your way is blocked by other cars. It’s painfully obvious they both can’t drive and have never had to pay for gas money.

Miss Grimshaw: Absolutely disgusted by your car and wants to make that very clear. It wouldn’t be surprising if halfway through, she started to clean it herself.

Jack: Really really really wants to press that horn. You’d find it cute at first, but so goddamn annoying when your car starts honking in the middle of a busy crossing. It’s like a constant slap-fight except you’re pushing his hands away every-time they come for the horn.

Arthur: Constantly asking to pull over. He’ll casually say “stop here” as if you’re a taxi, not to mention you’re in the middle of nowhere on the highway and you really don’t understand what a stranger mission means. Commonly, you have to explain things like how you’re already an hour late and you literally do not have the room to drive that family of five that’s broken down anywhere, nor can you stop at an empty warehouse and potentially get arrested for trespassing because he wants to explore.

Kieran: Terrified when you go slightly over the speed limit. He acts like he’s in an F1 race with no seatbelt being hung out of the window.

[mrscolinbridgerton96]

“The freakin’ London premiere- we all know that that was not supposed to happen; that was not okay.. and he still did it.”

I’m sorry, but what is this “bad behavior” that she’s alluding to? What exactly did Luke do that could’ve offended her and other people so much? Someone please enlighten me. I really want to know how Luke showcased “bad behavior” at the London premiere. I’m genuinely curious.. because, I personally haven’t seen anything- and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’ll say that.

~

This TikTok is 3 and a half minutes long. If you want to watch the video, go right ahead! But for those who don’t want to watch the full thing, I’m gonna give you my thoughts on just a few of the things she said in her video.

She talked about how Luke should post something on social media to show more appreciation to the fans. In multiple interviews throughout the press tour for season 3, Luke has talked about how he appreciates every ounce of support and love that has come from the fans and how he can’t wait for everyone to see Colin and Penelope finally get together. But apparently… to some (unfortunately), that’s not enough. Just because he hasn’t posted about how grateful he is for the fans, that doesn’t mean that he’s not grateful. To insinuate that he’s “inconsiderate” because he doesn’t post on social media is diabolical to me; it is not only unfair but it’s unacceptable. At the end of the day, Luke doesn’t owe us a damn thing.

The second thing I want to share my opinion on very much relates to the first thing. This girl talked about how he should post something for Nicola and publicly show his appreciation for all the times she stood up for him. To the people who have said this (and trust me, this girl is not the only one who thinks this) and believe that he’s ungrateful for her defending him.. let me ask you ask you something: did it ever cross your mind that he showed his appreciation for all the times she expressed her (platonic) love and respect for him privately? I’m sure they talk and text each other a lot. There are other ways to show someone appreciation- and it’s (to me) even more meaningful when it’s not on social media. Just because he doesn’t post about on social media.. it does NOT mean that he is unappreciative. Nicola has defended him publicly because she’s a good person and knows that he’s a good person too. There’s a reason that Luke’s cast mates (most of them he’s known for 5 years) only have good things to say about him. Yet, there are “fans” who want devote so much time and energy to talk shit about someone they don’t even know.

Lastly, and this is something I’ve addressed a few times before. She asked, and I quote, “What is the bullying that according to some of you he’s experiencing? Where is the bullying?” The way I see it; in my opinion, by asking that.. she has made it abundantly clear that she has NOT been paying attention.

I shared these screenshots back in July- they have since been removed from Twitter (I’m not calling it ‘X’ because it sounds like the name of a p*rn site). If any of this doesn’t count as bullying, then what the Hell is it? They weren’t complimenting him to lift his spirits up. He even said in an interview that he was verbally harassed for TWO YEARS because of Colin’s “I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington” comment at the end of season 2 (even though Colin Bridgerton is a fictional character)- last time I checked… THAT’S bullying.

~

She says that she’s “holding him accountable” when he hasn’t done anything wrong. Has Luke said or done something that truly IS problematic? If he has, I would gladly hold him accountable for it. However, I haven’t seen him do or say anything that is so awful that he has to be held accountable for it.

She also talked about how A would post something when Nicola posts something- she posts something; same with when the official Bridgerton account posts something and she would overshadow Luke. You can point all of that nonsense out all you want, but Luke has NO CONTROL over what she posts her posts on her own social media account and when she decides to posts it!! Regardless of how you feel about their age gap, she’s an adult who makes her own choices. She old enough to know to know right from wrong- just like the “fans” who have been harassing him for months.

One more thing, today.. she posted a TikTok about how Luke liked Nicola’s recent post and she was all giggly and excited.. with that being said, my mind is telling me one thing- that she is one of those people who only like Luke when he interacts with her on social media and/or is actually with her (whether it’s casual or in interviews). Now, I could be wrong; this is strictly my opinion- an observation, if we’re getting technical.

Overall thoughts: I know that Luke’s not a perfect human being and I never said that he was- no person living on this planet is perfect.. and I would 1000% hold him accountable if he did or said something that actually WAS problematic. But, from what I’ve seen.. he hasn’t done anything to deserve all of the negativity he’s been getting.

Now, if you’ll excuse me.. I’m gonna go take something for my migraine.

[mayandjuly1811]

i hate huntlow and I also hate willow. one of her fans was toxic. they doxxed me and called me a fatphobe and racist just because I dont like her

I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're okay. Overall, Willow is a good character with good development. Nevertheless, she has some bad behaviors in the show that I couldn't bring myself to like her.

Warning: this is my personal thought about my disliking for this character, I'm not attacking or hating other people who like Willow.

1.Academic cheating.

I think that Amity is wrong for bullying Willow, but Willow isn't in the right for cheating either.

No matter what the reasons are, cheating on exams is wrong. Willow literally cheats, which takes away the top student badge that Amity works hard to earn. She has to find better ways to get a passing grade instead of cheating.

She's bad at Abomination magic, so she can never get a passing grade without cheating. Okay, if she was gonna cheat, then don't let it affect other people. She should have stopped when she received the A+, not taking the top student badge because all Willow wants is the passing grade, not that badge. She could just refuse when the Professor gives her the badge. It's not that hard. She could say, “Sorry Professor, but I only received one A+. I think giving me the top student badge after one good test is not an exhaustive evaluation. If I get more As in the future, then I'll accept the badge.” It's unfair that Willow only earns one A+ but can get the badge from Amity, who has been working hard to achieve many good grades.

In the end, after cheating, sneaking a human at school, taking away the badge that she doesn't deserve, putting the school in vines and jeopardy, hurting the school Principal, Willow gets rewarded by being transferred to the Plant Track. She faces no consequences. She still keeps the top student badge that she gained by cheating at the end of that episode.

2.Being controlling and violent sometimes.

This is proved in Understanding Willow, Willow literally throws both Luz and Amity forcefully inside the picture. She throws Luz inside so hard that she may have a concussion. I understand why she does that to Amity, but why Luz, her best friend? All Luz wants is to help Willow, at that time, she's innocent. Willow only gets suspicious of Luz turning her memories photo back at the end of that episode.

Next is the first time she met Hunter. Willow seems to be violent for no reason at all. Hunter disguises as a Hexside student so to Willow, he's just a student that she doesn't know. He's not a threat at all. She then summons the vines to capture him and drags him down so hard that the asphalt gets damaged. How could anyone treat strangers like this?

When Hunter is about to leave again, Willow, with a satisfying smirk, drags him down the ground and takes him to the field without asking his permission. And this scene is so traumatizing for Hunter because it's the same as when Belos drags him down the ground. Hunter looks utterly scared and suffocated. She doesn't respect Hunter's boundaries and decision at all, it's like she's forcing him to join the team.

3.Lack of understanding in some episodes.

In Something Ventured, Something Framed, Gus secretly sneaks Luz inside Hexside although Luz is still banned. Willow sees Luz there, yet she doesn't stop Gus or at least warns Luz about it. She's the one who knows more clearly than anyone else about what consequences Luz may face. Last time, Luz was chased after by Principal Bump and Amity for trespassing. All for helping Willow get a passing grade. Is it too difficult for her to tell Gus that "Gus, stop!" or warns Luz that "You're still banned from Hexside"? She doesn't say anything and only makes a face like this.

In Really Small Problems, Willow is being inconsiderate of King's feelings. King shows how sad he is when he's neglected from the group the whole time. He has abandonment issues. Yet, Willow, along with Gus, keeps talking about the three-people games in front of King, as if they just want to exclude King from the group, not to mention King is there with Luz first, while Willow and Gus only tag along.

After losing Flapjack and being possessed by Belos, Hunter is grieving over the loss of his best friend. Yet, Willow, along with Gus, still laugh and make jokes. Therefore, it makes Hunter feel uncomfortable. Willow doesn't have to cry or feel depressed like Hunter when he lost Flapjack, but at least have some seriousness and respect. If she can't comfort him or say anything nice, then it's better to stay silent. It's offensive when a person is in grief over their loved one and their close friends make jokes instead of comforting them. That's insensitive of Willow and I feel uncomfortable like Hunter in that scene.

Willow has good intentions of comforting Hunter in For the Future but it's not in a good way. Hunter just lost Flapjack and he's grieving. The fact Willow gives him the Flapjack picture is like rubbing salt to his wound. When Hunter looks upset, Willow should have stayed to continue to comfort him, not leaving and making it all about her. Dealing with the loss of Flapjack and Belos's possession is too much for Hunter, yet now he feels guilty because his own grief makes Willow feel sad. How is Hunter supposed to act around Willow after that? Bottling up his sadness and trauma from Willow anytime in fear of upsetting her? That scene is one of the reasons why I dislike Huntlow.

Also, she teases a stranger in the store in Thanks to Them and interrupts other people's business. Seriously, that man just minds his own business of buying stuff in the store, he doesn't deserve to be poked in the bottom by a stranger and receive no apology at all. It also affects the shop's owner when seeing her customer get bothered like that. Worse, when running away, Willow even smiles and shows no remorse at all. After that, she just goes back and gives the owner a coin? I don't find this funny at all.

4.Being too arrogant in For the Future.

She keeps talking about getting revenge, punching Belos in the face even though her power isn't strong enough to fight him. Willow is a powerful witch, but she doesn't take into account that the whole Hexsquad group had two fights with Belos and all five of them couldn't take him down. She can't even defeat Kikimora and the Abomaton, much less Belos.

Willow isn't fast enough to dodge Kikimora's attack even with Gus's help, then Hunter has to come in to save her.

5.Taking photos without permission or asking first.

This one is from my personal experience so I take this seriously.

As a person who is insecure about looks and hates having photos taken without permission, I would feel uncomfortable if I were Luz and Amity. In this picture, Luz and Amity are having a date. And a date is supposed to be private between the two. Yet, Willow secretly stalks them, interrupts their date and takes this embarrassing photo to put in the album.

How would you feel when your friend stalked you and your date partner, interrupted your date and took a bad photo without asking?

When Amity is being serious about finding ways to go back home, Willow interrupts her speaking by taking a bad picture of her without asking again and puts it in the scrapbook.

This is my personal opinion, if anyone disagrees with anything, please comment in a civil way.

[utilitycaster]

on Laura's characters

This has been rattling around for a bit, and I've notably been pretty critical of how Laura's characters have been treated by the fandom, and I think a lot of the discussion of Imogen, overlaid with the discussion of Vex during TLOVM, has put it into to focus for me:

Laura plays characters that allow her to explore a lot of very selfish or self-serving behaviors, as well as the dark side of selflessness. This is, in my opinion, one of the very last lines people are squeamish about female characters crossing - and it's across the board, too. People who are comfortable with supporting women's wrongs often balk at supporting women's uglier, smaller choices, particularly for women who are otherwise portrayed as heroic. Sacrifice is still seen in a lot of women-centric media as the greatest gesture, and works where women are unabashedly self-serving are harder to find. It's why Delilah's nonstop villainy in the name of love gets a pass, but few people look head on at Vex's petty cruelty to Keyleth.

Vex is an incredibly selfish person. She is also unique among Laura's characters in realizing this about herself, and not liking it very much. It's mostly sympathetic - what are D&D shopkeepers but opportunities to haggle and ask weird questions, and Vex's anxieties about money are very justified - but less so when it comes to her possessiveness of Vax. It's very understandable that she feels protective and possessive towards him, but that doesn't negate her unkindness. Vex pressures Keyleth to the point of tears at least once (granted, it was a difficult day for everyone) and pushes at Vax as well, to the point where it causes a small but definite rift between them. At worst, this selfishness - this desire to have Vax for herself - is turned into jealousy of Vax, rather than of Keyleth, so that it can be reframed as in the name of romantic love (which is considered a more acceptable form of selfishness than familial, but that's for someone far wiser than I to unpack). However, even when that doesn't happen, it's often glossed over. The same is true for Vex stealing the broom. It's fine if you disagree with the alignment change decision - I don't particularly care for it - and Laura certainly didn't deserve hate for taking the item of a character who would never show up again. But it is a purely self-centered choice. She wants to fly, she sees a way to do so, and she takes the broom of an ally and lies about it. There's no in-game justification for this being anything but selfish, and it says a lot about her character that she does it, but the things it says are messy and difficult. I don't think you can appreciate Vex's full arc without understanding that it is her pushing past this selfishness. Holding grudges is perhaps the most selfish act of all, of keeping all that hurt to yourself and never granting forgiveness. "Sineath" is about a lot of things, but that is one of them.

Jester is much less selfish when it comes to material things, but she is, especially early on, frequently inconsiderate or insensitive. It comes from a place that is devoid of malice, but definitely does not think through the ramifications for others. This shows up when she's dismissive of sums of money that are immense for Caleb but mean little to her, or her willingness to deface temples despite the risk. However, Jester is, far more, an exploration of the darker side of selflessness. What does someone feel, when they think they must constantly be a light to those around them? Where do their frustrations come out? We see that it weighs on Jester in how difficult she finds it to balance the responsibilities and demands of Artagan during Traveler Con, and again, when she becomes aware of the potential self-sacrifice needed in Eiselcross. Vex had to learn to let go of Vax and her grudges and her need for approval from people who would never give it; Jester has to learn to start taking and putting herself first.

And then there's Imogen. Vex and Jester's selfishness was tempered by their extroversion and empathy, which at times makes it easier to ignore. While they may have self-interests, and struggle to regulate what they do or do not give (in different directions), they do, in the end, like people on the whole. Imogen does not. It's understandable, given the stress they put on her, but her powers and her judgement mean that she is a lot less able to create boundaries between them and herself. As a result, when she lets herself become closer to people, she doesn't recognize when treating her friends as a sounding board might be hurtful or insulting to them. This comes out notably in her repeated consideration of the Vanguard's position. It's fascinating because it can be seen as her trying to understand other people, especially her mother and the members of the Vanguard we've seen. There is legitimate hurt behind Tuldus, Ludinus, Liliana, and Otohan's motivations; but the person to talk over this with is not Orym, whose husband and father-in-law were innocent collateral damage to these plans, nor Laudna, who was murdered by Otohan.

I think people really shy away from the dark sides of all of these characters. People tend to focus on Vex's competence, Jester's role as the heart and light in the party, and Imogen's trauma, without realizing these are all perpetuated by that exploration of selfishness and selflessness. But given how central this is to all three of these characters, I think this is also why the fandom is often so quick to turn on them - they do not want to face how much Vex cares about her father and Vax, or how what Jester needs is not unconditional support nor concrete instructions, but honesty and a willingness to listen, or that Imogen has the capacity to do great harm to those she loves and does so, but these are all major parts of those characters. Ignoring that is how people believe Vex's arc is underserved; it's not, but you can only see it if you are willing to admit who she is at the start. It's easier for them to consider a Jester frozen in the early part of the campaign than the far more emotionally mature woman she becomes because of what it says about selfishness.

Imogen is interesting, because I've actually seen far more arguments of her as a complete monster than those absolving her. If Imogen becomes more unsure at Orym's words and needs a complete lack of judgment to come around that makes her truly heartless and unfeeling, rather than someone who has an understandably if unintentionally cold and strange way of understanding thoughts vs. words. vs. actions. I suspect this is because both Imogen herself, and the fandom, have less of a grasp on Imogen as her own person. And, to be fair, this is true of the fandom's perception of Vex and Jester; they just had better in-universe senses of self. But I'm interested in seeing if the perception of Imogen shifts back to how it was prior to episode 48, which is a more consistent discomfort with the way she puts herself first.

[stromuprisahat]

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe … you weren’t meant to exist?

I had a few days off, so let's get this over with... it won't get easier.

Six of Crows- Chapter 19

Y'no, if you have an urge to prevent people from seeing something, there might be a thing or two wrong with whatever it is they're not supposed to look at.

The amount of hatred needed to dig three holes in frozen ground, deep enough to secure higher than human-sized stakes (Don't forget enough space for a pile of firewood.)!

Fjerda is supposed to be a cold country, good firewood should be pretty valuable then, right? And still they're willing to waste enough of it to roast inedible humans?!

The pyres have been illegal since- I'm sure those three charred people would be happy to hear that.

Nina asks some pretty good questions. Shame she'll soon forget them.

Just read this several times and keep thinking about how this is a human being, not "creature" as Matthias calls it.

Considering some of the author's believes, one can't help but ask how many of these opinions are only a part of the characters' descriptions, and how many are expressing her own. ... It was not Baghra. I don't know what it was. ...

~I~'ve never... So we can simply ignore that everyone else does/would like to.

A fair trial... that's what? They're allowed to talk? (Even though nobody cares to listen.) As Nina counters- why has a Grisha never been found innocent?! And more importantly- why will Nina simply forget she used to care about this?! Why won't she do anything to stop it, when in the heart of that country, some of the worst perpetrators of such horrors at her mercy?!

One of the details that make Matthias' change believable (although a bit too fast) are the seeds of doubt. Why else feel ashamed when proclaiming something he deeply believes in?

And yeah- another portion of the typical rhetoric of hateful ideologies. It's us and them. They're less and worse, corrupted and inferior. They don't feel like we do, they're unnatural, inhuman, not meant to exist.

Fjerdans are not that different from ordinary Ravkans, who are willing to worship Saints, but deny they're Grisha even a few years after their deaths.

Don't mock... That's some pretty realistic shit too. This sort of bigots will always put inconsiderate words on the same level as bashing your head in.

This is Nina lashing out, hurling the worst things she can come up with at Matthias. It's sad how much of it would be well-deserved, and how little is even remotely realistic.

Nina's hoping for a Nuremberg trials of her world. Unfortunately for her there's no common law, no widely agreed upon set of morals, no base for it, so how come she's even asking for it?

Nina haven't sounded like a child as much as now yet. She paints a picture of strong, well-lead country, capable of more than a pathetic parody on self-defense. And her dream of the Second Army's beyond laughable.

I know some people like to claim the Darkling's, therefore Second Army's tactics is often sowing fear in the masses, but Matthias' story doesn't make much sense with this little information, unless Ravka and Fjerda were in that "fun" part of conflict, when they simply destroy a village or two, then pretend they know nothing about it.

Fjerdans already fear Grisha- there's no need for atrocities to provoke it. Why would a special unit of enemy army target some random village of no particular importance? How come Matthias knows for sure it were Second Army Inferni? And how is he alive and well?

Drüskelle leader's pet student lost whole family in brutal attack of well-trained Grisha?! Ain't Brum just SO lucky?!

In context of the author's opinions (link above), this reads pretty much like lecturing the reader on reality of Grisha persecution. They kill people too, and they are soldiers- look!

[reneeluv154]

The man with the accent.

I hope you enjoy! 🤍🤍

In this imagine your looking for a place to stay when you find no luck Jack saves you from a drunken man as well as offering a place to stay.

I was terribly lost, this small town was bursting at the seams with people and carriages, horses and fruit stands. “Excuse me, can I help you?” A rather short man with short brunette hair, thick sideburns, and a somewhat smug look asked. He wore a tall black hat, with a black jacket and leather gloves to match. A gray button-down suit with a white shirt underneath. A cloth wrapped around his neck, his shoes were nice and polished, he didn’t fit in.

“Well I came here hoping to find shelter, you see I-“

He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I’m not all worried about that but-“ He paused, pulling a golden-backed pocket watch out of his suit pocket and checking the time.

“You might as well hurry, the men get quite restless.”

He gave a small inconsiderate smile before walking off toward a vendor. I was disgusted, how could someone say such a thing?

The sun had now set, leaving the stars and moon to take the sky. The only light in town came from the old pub in front of me. The only way I was going to find a place to stay was if I went in there and searched for somebody. The only people I had seen come in and out of the place were men.

Walking in, there were plenty of people, some were hollering while others were singing and some were simply enjoying a beer with a friend or two.I noticed the woman serving drinks.

“Excuse me, mam?”

“Oh, hi sweetheart I’ll be with you in just a moment .”

“I was just wondering if you had a place for me to stay. Just for the night.”

“I’m afraid all the rooms are filled.”

I didn’t exactly understand but she wasn’t quite in the talking mood, with the men ordering beers, whiskey, and rum left and right.I walked further into the mess of people feeling awkward and vulnerable.

“Hey, baby. How about you take me back and give me something special.” The man reeked of rum and cigarettes, clutching my arm tightly while stumbling about.

“I’m sorry I think you have the wrong person.” It was more of a question than a statement.

“Oh come on.” He tried tugging me with him to the back of the bar but I resisted, I was thoroughly shocked by his strength.

“Please let me go.” I was trying to be nice but also pleaded with him, attempting to pry his hand off.

“Leave her alone Gale.” This voice was different from any of the others I had heard, it was weird, I had never heard anything like it.

“Oh come on, it's her job.” The man huffed, tightening his grip and tugging on me harder.

“No. Gale, it’s not, this young lady does not work here.” The man with the accent came over loosening Gale’s grip immediately. Gale huffed, taking a look at me and going back to sit down by a small window.

“You can sit with us if you would like.” I followed the man with an accent as he walked over to a small rectangle table pulling a chair over for me. I sat down observing them, one at a time. The man to my left was much older than the Man with the accent, the hair on his head was gone but his beard and mustache still remained.

His natural hair color was breaking through with a bit of gray undertone. His clothes weren’t the nicest I had seen. The vest he wore over top of his stained button-up shirt with several of the buttons missing, was fraying at all the seams, a few tears here and there. The small red piece of cloth he had tied around his neck was faded as was the rest of his clothing. His suspenders holding up his light pants, a button having popped off of those as well.

The man with the accent was handsome, to say the least. His dirty blonde hair was messy from where he continued to run his hand through it while his lips were glossy from the beer in his hand. His brown eyes focused on the table as though he was trying to remember a memory far long gone. He wore a thin shirt, the puffy sleeves rolled up halfway revealing his slender arms and prominent veins. Overtop was a navy buttoned vest. His pants were brown, he wore a piece of cloth around his neck as well. His clothing was far more professional and seemingly new than the other.

“I heard you needed a place to stay. I have a hospital not too far down the street. I'm sure we could spare a room if you would like.” The man with the accent offered.

I wanted to so badly but had to think of those who truly needed that room.

“I greatly appreciate the offer but I’m sure there are plenty of others who need the room.”

“Yes but not currently, If the room is needed we will take you out and place you somewhere else safe.”

Both the men were now standing. Taking a moment to consider I agreed, walking out with the two of them and towards the hospital.

I sat on the small window sill watching the stars and the moon.

“I wouldn’t sit there, it would hurt if you fell.” That accent seemed to shock me each and every time.

“Nah, you think so?” Sarcasm spilling from my mouth.

He shook his head with a small smile. “Here’s some extra blankets it can get quite cold at night, if you need anything more just let me or one of the nurses know.”

I closed the window and latched it, going to help him spread the blankets across the bed.

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

“It’s my pleasure.” He smiled walking over to the door.

“Get some rest, I’ll probably come to check up on you tomorrow.”

I nodded leaving him to close the door and me climb into the bed, all the blankets creating a comforting weight.

There was one last thought on my mind before drifting to sleep. What was his name?

Part 2 is now on my profile.

[aetherialpiplup108]

Park Jin and Conflicting Responsibilities

One of the many reasons I love Alchemy of Souls is because the characters and relationships are so intricately designed. Park Jin especially is a fascinating character because he's someone who genuinely tries to do the right thing but is misguided and wrapped up in the corrupt values plaguing a country where peace (read: protection of those in control) is prioritized above anyone and anything else.

Throughout the story, Jin’s character is defined by his responsibility to other people, whether they’re his close loved ones or the entire public living in Songrim and Daeho as a whole. In separation, Jin more than satisfies both groups. As Songrim’s leader, he’s willing to make any sacrifice, be it his own life, to protect those depending on him. Through his relationship with Kim Dojo, we see a softer side of him emerge and he completely disregards social class to openly love a woman the public would regard as “beneath his status". Park Jin also prioritizes his loved ones over his own reputation, demonstrated as he continually takes responsibility for the social nightmares Uk causes routinely, is willing to destroy his image by falsely confessing involvement in an affair (though this is beyond inconsiderate of Do-ha), and even risks Songrim’s honor when he urges Uk not to show up to his duel with the CP.

Clearly, as much as Park Jin values Songrim, he also cares deeply about his family. However, when he must choose between what his loved ones ask of him and his duty to Daeho, time after time we see Park Jin making tough decisions that he believes are necessary for the country. This isn’t inherently wrong. Park Jin’s decision to lock Kim Doju in Jinyowon was tragic, yes, but also a heart-wrenching, selfless act from both that saved many lives. This is leadership. To do what's needed even if it hurts you deeply. In fact, this acceptance of duty is literally Uk and Yeong's character arcs, culminating in their sacrifice of each other at the end to protect Daeho, closely paralleling Kim Dojo and Park Jin's earlier decision.  

However, we begin to see the issue in Park Jin’s almost blind devotion to his duty within his relationship to Uk.

While Jin loves Uk too much to view him as a monster not deserving to live, he can’t ignore the potential Uk has to destroy everything Jin has been conditioned to protect (Daeho’s social structure), and he probably does believe that Uk shouldn’t be alive. This is why Park Jin does everything in his power to obstruct Uk’s growth in hopes of somehow striking a balance where Uk is both safe (if not happy) and doesn’t come in the royal family's way. This mindset is an excellent foil against Uk’s perspective on Yeong, where he similarly recognizes the “monster” inside her, never really refuting Yul or Master Lee or anyone else when they point out how dangerous she is. Unlike Park Jin though, Uk puts his faith in what Yeong has shown him and who he knows her to be over what she could be or was, handing her a sword and trusting her to choose her path. In the end, it’s this—albeit, risky—confidence in her that saves everyone in Jeojingak as Yeong ultimately chooses him.

However, because Park Jin believes that protecting the royal family/unanimous assembly will prevent unnecessary conflict that could harm Daeho's public and is so wrapped up in doing anything to prevent a change to the country’s social structure, he immediately dismisses Uk as a threat without even considering that Uk doesn’t want the throne or political power or…anything, really, other than respect and acknowledgement. And later, justice for a woman who was nothing but controlled and manipulated by the gwanju her entire life long.

Similarly, even though Park Jin recognizes the unfairness of a society which protects murderers like Jin Mu and power-hungry royals and the actual worst piece of scum Jang Gang (boy do I have thoughts on him), he simply accepts it as the way of the world. He lets people tarnish Do-ha's name and protects Jang Gang's reputation until the very end because yeah, sure, dude inflicted unbearable pain on his own wife and friends and caused pretty much 80% of all problems in the series, but he was still the Gwanju, a figure that had to be respected. After Mu-deok dies, Park Jin can see that Uk is right, that it’s unfair Naksu is saddled with all the blame while Jin Mu and the royals lounge away in Cheonbugwan, that the public deserves more than living in fear of what those with authority can do, and he still protects the current hierarchy. Of course, Park Jin does feel some guilt at the torment he’s causing the kid he loves like a son. It's why he pushes Uk towards Bu-yeon hoping she'll act as a salve and, possibly, a distraction shielding the country's hypocrisy.

But while Park Jin might regret his words for their effect on Uk, he never believes himself to be in the wrong because, to be fair, it did bring an inevitable clash to a standstill, preventing a power struggle/vacuum that could have hurt numerous of Daeho’s innocent civilians because if Uk did destroy the Unanimous Assembly/Royal family that early—way before he comes to decent terms with Go Won whom he still blames in part for Yeong’s death—who exactly is going to lead the country? And how are they going to gain legitimacy without some sort of conflict?

But does that mean what Park Jin did was right? Is it okay to crush a few to protect the others or to redirect and hide blame to maintain peace? And is that peace worth having even if it's not true?

tl;dr: Park Jin's a very interesting character to take a look at because for the most part, I feel like his heart is in the right place but either his means are sketchy or he's just not willing to risk Daeho's stability. In general, I love how we see “good” characters or those aligned with the protagonist (Park Jin, Jin Ho-Gyeong, even Seo Yul to a minor extent) upholding Daeho's corrupt system despite how unfair it is due to the stability it offers and protection for the four mage families. This is definitely brought to light in Shaman Choi’s excellent speech where she highlights the blame on all their parts regarding the ice stone coming to light, but I do wish the societal problems were emphasized a bit more, even if I do think it was effective as a backdrop silently influencing every character's action.

[once-upon-an-animation]

I’ve become more active on PJO Reddit/Instagram and one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of people seem to genuinely…enjoy…Annabeth’s arrogance and behavior towards Rachel…and I’m not sure why?

Like don’t get me wrong, her jealousy is 100% understandable and I’m as pro-Percabeth as they come, but every time I suggest that there should have been an apology scene between Annabeth and Rachel, people always seem to push back against it. Their reasoning is either (1) “Well…they’re friends now so Annabeth probably did apologize” or (2) “Annabeth doesn’t have to apologize to Rachel”.

Reason (1) is nothing more than an assumption. It is not confirmed by anything in the text and is just you as a fan filling in the gaps of a story. There is nothing to suggest that Annabeth ever apologized to Rachel. Even when we got her POV in HoO, she never mentioned or implied being apologetic for her behavior anywhere. If I’m wrong, let me know.

Reason (2) is weird, especially if you’re an adult who’s able to think about this more critically. Yes, Annabeth is a teenager. Yes, her jealousy is understandable. But just because something is understandable doesn’t always mean that it’s excusable, and even despite being a teenager, Annabeth is more than mature enough to recognize that she did something wrong. I mean, she shows regret for her biases against cyclops and for judging Tyson in SoM, so why can’t she recognize the issues with her behavior with Rachel? Yes, I understand that Rachel is a romantic threat, but does this mean that Annabeth should be rude to any girl who comes within Percy’s vicinity?

And don’t tell me that her behavior towards Rachel was 100% appropriate. Rachel did not do anything unethical. She met a guy who intrigued her (and who could probably offer some thoughts on her visions) and wanted to spend more time with him. And seeing as Percy kept calling her up to hang out in TLO, that would have given off the impression that he was interested in her and not Annabeth, so of course Rachel assumed that she and Percy liked each other. I’ll admit that her behavior in the cafe/coffee shop where she yelled out about Percy and Annabeth being demigods was pretty inconsiderate, but that’s the only thing I think Rachel genuinely did wrong. As far as her relationship with Percy goes, she didn’t do anything unreasonable. It’s not her fault that Percy liked her and wanted to hang out with her.

I guess the overall point I’m trying to make is that Annabeth saying sorry doesn’t take anything away from her character, and I don’t understand why people act like this is such a wild suggestion. Not only would it be a great demonstration of her countering her fatal flaw (humility is the opposite of hubris/pride, no?) but like…it would also be a great demonstration of girls being kind to each other and not letting boys/romance prevent them from a good healthy friendship. And it would also be a good demonstration of Annabeth growing in kindness; learning to recognize your mistakes and saying sorry for them is part of being a kind person. Thinking that Annabeth never made mistakes and/or shouldn’t apologize for them is such an immature sentiment to me.

[ouran-boytoy-fanfiction]

Warning: Manga Spoiler-y

"It—it didn't—feel wrong."

Tamaki's reaction was the same stupefied face he had made when she confessed a couple seconds ago. It almost completely unnerved her again. She decided to be patient and instantly had the festering idea that it was something she will need more of then. "Tamaki," strained, she called softly.

He violently shook his head to clear it, immediately blushing at the eye contact they had made. A gentleman should not be so inconsiderate of a woman’s feelings nor assume anything. He feared he had committed a grave mistake. What if it did feel wrong to her and he had forced himself on her because of his selfish desires? Or worse, what if she felt indifferent all along? Like the kiss was just something she could brush off like last time. “Does that mean you liked it, Haruhi?” Asked Tamaki.

When she nodded, growing redder, he pinched her chin while inching closer. “May I?”

Haruhi thought he should’ve kept the momentum up of not having to ask, as she was already half puckering when his fingers touched her face once more. She closed her eyes, unable to utter another word out of embarrassment. She then felt his soft lips on hers.

Sun kissed flower petals glided over their skin, enveloping them in a heavenly scent and nature’s warm embrace. They’ve never kissed anyone like this before and yet so perfectly their bodies embraced and melded together to give each other such sickly sweet pleasure from touch alone. His lips moved to a flow Haruhi eagerly matched and his arms wrapped her waist and drew her in tight and made her heart near explode.

She could just melt into the pool of overwhelming emotions she once fought to be. The blushes disappearing from their cheeks as the intensity build. She recognized a hunger in her but not the feeling of it devouring her spirit whole. She nearly pulled away from him and ran had he not felt so incredible that her senses couldn’t function in the minutiae of the moment. She was drowning in a river of sparkling bliss.

It was a battle for control. Tamaki was trying his hardest not to burst out into tears and embarrassingly drench her in his snot and secretions. She was right in that he was a mess most of the time, this time being no exception. He was quivering in all frequencies, his knees were weak yet he couldn’t help but feel his heart burst with happiness at another symptom of his true love for the girl.

As their lips drew apart, what still connected them was the tingling instantaneous spark of lightning that flashed between them. Haruhi gasped. Tamaki giggled like a mad man, “How did this even happen?”

“How did what happen?” Queried Haruhi absentmindedly, desperate for clarity in the surreal as her finger had instinctively smothered the firework explosions on her bottom lip.

“Us kissing…like that. Mon dieu, this afternoon has felt like a dream I don’t want to wake up from. Some part of me has always wanted this to come true but I was never hoping I would have such trouble believing it as it happens.”

“Senpai, I just...” Haruhi felt her hands slip into his.

“I spent so much time being so oblivious to my feelings, I can’t forgive myself for holding this off for so long. But Haruhi, when did you know?”

“I—Some time ago. When I knew…I felt blindsided and embarrassed. So embarrassed. I didn’t understand why it had to be you.” Started Haruhi bluntly.

Seeing Tamaki’s smile falter, Haruhi panicked and practically screamed, “But I made sense of why it happened just as fast, Senpai! You’re a great person!” Her face grew red again and she squeezed her eyes shut as his kernel of lightning struck her heart and she could’ve sworn she heard thunder. Tears in her eyes, she just didn’t feel like herself.

She wasn’t ready! Why is falling in love so strange?

The warmth was back, channeling entirely in her right cheek he cupped. She saw that his eyes were just as warm as a fusion of the fire that cruel weather often caused. “Strange, yes, but beautiful.”

[supergraphicultramoderng1rl]

hello new followers welcome to my favorite hobby! complaining about being fatherless 🫶 i bet you thought this account was gonna be me posting about criminal minds huh😂😂😂😂😂

last night one of my best friends said that she WISHES her dad had left her because he’s just suuuuuch an asshole and i literally was so shocked i genuinely like stopped breathing for a second because i was like no fucking way did she just say that to me. and there were seven people there and i looked around to see if any of them were like holy shit girl that’s an insane and ridiculously insensitive take and then i realized they literally all have present fathers and were just like quietly nodding. and i HOPE at least a few of them were thinking that it was a crazy thing to say, even if not in the context of me but it’s just genuinely insane to wish for a kind of trauma you don’t have. and i don’t doubt that her dad has traumatized her ik he’s an asshole and im not even saying my trauma is worse than hers but i just could not fucking believe she thought that was an ok thing to say. and i didn’t say anything cause like what’s the point but i was just genuinely shocked

and then today my dad double texted me saying he loves me after a week ago asking if i randomly want to have lunch when I haven’t seen him in ten years and have told him i don’t want to see him cause i know how triggering it would be for all the other shit he put me through as a child. so much of what is wrong with me is because of him and HE left a nine year old girl for drugs and now somehow i feel responsible for his feelings and guilty that i dont want to see him even though i’ve repeatedly told him im not comfortable with that. and now i have no idea how to respond because nothing i say is going to be right if its not what he wants to hear! and now im thinking about how apparently one of my closest friends thinks its better to not have a dad and to deal with this shit than it is to have a present father who’s an asshole sometimes! i simply cannot comprehend being that fucking thoughtless and inconsiderate! i would never tell her i wish my dad was a narcissistic neglectful pos because it’s better to have a dad than to have been abandoned! like u just don’t say shit like that, you don’t think shit like that, but apparently she does, apparently she plays the trauma olympics with her friends in her head all the time because she needs to be convinced her problems are the worst

fml😂🙏 have a blessed week!

[puddingvalkyrie]

Eavesdropping

  "The boy is weak."  It was wrong to eavesdrop, she knew. But the old king could only mean one person by 'the boy' and that made this her business. Cat-formed, Aurelia crept to the door.   "You expect too much from him," Nareena argued. "He's just a child, yet."   "And if you leave him, he'll remain a child," the old king countered. "He spends too much time with the commoners. I blame your husband."   "You mean the husband you insisted I marry?" Nareena replied. "I have no complaints now, but it was your idea."   "You know that ensuring the line of Night continues is an important duty," the old king told her. "So don't you try to pull that. I don't suppose he's taken a fancy to some commoner that he's started spending so much time below stairs?"   "He seems depressed lately for sure," Nareena said. "Grandmother Connie spoke to him, but she won't tell me what he said. I think perhaps he is lovesick, I can't see any other reason for his melancholy."   "What half-wit spurns the affections of the Dark Prince?" the old king scoffed. "It's a chance to be queen some day, and bear Gaia's heir. And what's his excuse? He's handsome enough and he's no rapscallion. Then again, perhaps that's the problem. Goes back to what I was saying. He needs to grow a bloody backbone."   "I keep telling you, he's not short of admirers just because he's not an inconsiderate boor," Nareena sighed. "He's just shy, I think. He's been sneaking around lately . . . no idea why he thinks he should hide anything from us, but you know what teenagers are like."   "Bah, and there's a fancy new word we didn't need in my day," the old king complained. "You had children and you had adults and no-one thought to mollycoddle the ones who weren't growing up fast enough."   "Yes yes, you've made your opinion quite clear, father," Nareena snapped. "I agree, to a point. Tyrian won't make a good king if he's too soft. But he's only young. And I believe his spending more time with the common folk to be him listening to his father. Connall has always encouraged us to mingle with them."   "I'm glad someone listens to their father," he grumbled. 

The conversation turned to what nobles Tyrian might have an interest in, or how they might get him interested if he wasn't, and Aurelia snuck away. Much as it would be amusing to hear them be wrong, she had other things to do.   "Louis." She tugged on the sleeve of the guard as he stood watching the others train. "We're friends, right?"   "Yeah?" He turned his gaze to the stern-eyed teenager. He'd never seen someone wearing so much pink look so serious. The cherry-blossom covered yukata did not suit her expression at all.

  “Do you think I could be a guard?” she asked.

  “Why?” He tilted his head to one side. “Fool’s a cushy job. You don’t have to do very much.”

  “Sounds like being a guard.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “So do you think I can or not?”

  “Even if I said no you’re going to try anyway,” Louis replied with a shrug. “But yeah, why not?”

  “How?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

  “I guess you need to ask the Captain of the Guard if she’ll train you. You’ll have to ask permission to leave your current post first though. It’d be rude to ask the Captain before you ask Their Majesties.”

  “Yeah . . .” She wasn’t looking forward to that.   “So . . . Not telling me why then?”

  “Not here.” She walked off towards the palace gardens. He watched her leave before finally shaking his head and following.

  “You got some kind of privacy spell or something?” she asked, once she'd found a suitably secluded spot.

  “This isn’t private enough?” Louis clicked his tongue. “Is this some kingdom ruining secret you got or . .?” Aurelia gave him a dark look. “So it IS?” He raised a barrier.

  “I finally found something I agree with King Pickleface on.” She crossed her arms and paced from one side of his barrier to the other. “Tyrian needs help.”

  “He does seem upset lately.”

  “He’s gone to pieces over some stupid boy,” she complained. “And now Pickleface thinks he’s weak. Thing is . . .”

  “You think so too?” Louis guessed.

  “No!” she shouted. “Well, yes. Sort of. It’s . . . It’s not weak to be kind. And it’s not weak to be sad.”

  “King Connall, huh?” The king and his words were popular. “I don’t remember him saying the second one.”

  “Kings don’t have to say things to make them true.”

  “Never said they did.” He waited patiently for her to get to the point.

  “It’s his own stupid fault!” she burst out.

  “Connall’s?”

  “Pickleface’s!” Aurelia wrinkled her nose. “Tyrian wants to be like Master Connall so bad and if he was just left to his own devices, he'd find his own way or whatever, but his grandfather keeps telling him he’s wrong!” She clawed one hand down the bark of a nearby tree. “And then he wonders why he’s no confidence! Idiot!”

  “And what do you expect being a guard is going to do about it?”

  “That’s . . . Complicated. A fool has no social standing." She started pacing again. "I’m going to need some social standing . . .”

  “For what?”

  “Tyrian needs someone to be, I don’t know, mean I guess, whatever the definition of strong is to that moron. So I’ll be mean for him.”

  “I think you’re going to need to aim higher than a guard,” Louis pointed out.

  “I think you’re right.” She bit her lip. “But I have to start somewhere.” She looked up sharply. “Right, you can drop the spell. . . . Oh, and if you ever tell anyone I said Tyrian went to pieces over a boy I’ll scratch your face off.”

  “I thought we were friends?” he said, tilting his head.

  “That’s how I know you won’t tell,” she replied, smiling brightly.

  “A boy, huh . . .”

  His lip was wobbling already and tears were welling up.

  “You’re quitting?! Why? Did I do something wrong?” Tyrian clasped her hands. “Please don’t leave! Please . . . Don’t you leave me too . . .”

  “I’m not going anywhere, you dummy,” she told him. “I just want a different job.”

  “But why?” Tyrian asked again. “Do you not like being my fool? I have done something, haven’t I?”

  “No!” she said quickly. “Look, no-one needs to pay me to be your friend, okay? It’s a waste of the palace's resources, you know?”

  “It’s not because of me?”  

  “I want to be more useful,” Aurelia replied. “I don’t want to sit around being pretty. That’s what nobles are for, right?” She gave him her best smile.

  “Yeah . . .” She got a weak smile in return. “So you’re really not going anywhere?”

  “Nope,” she replied. “Even if my parents find me then hey, the position of fool will be open, right?” Tyrian finally burst into tears. He hugged her tightly;

  “You’ve no idea what that means to me,” he sniffled.

  “Nah, I’m pretty sure I do,” she replied, hugging him back.

She hesitated as she went to knock on the King's door. After a few false starts, she steeled herself and rapped sharply on the wood.

  “Come in?” came the reply. She pushed the door open and peeked around it. Connall looked at her from his desk. “Aurelia, you don’t have to knock. Is something the matter?” She realised she was clutching the door. She let go and shuffled into the room, putting her hands behind her back.

  “No.” She swallowed nervously. “Maybe Tyrian told you, but . . . I decided to quit being a fool. Not that I’m ungrateful!” she added quickly. “I just think I’ll be more useful as something else. And I want to learn new things.”

  “You’re growing up, the pair of you.” He smiled at her.

  “It’s really okay?”

  “Of course,” he replied. “But really, what's the matter? Did something happen? You can’t have fallen out, or I’d have heard about it. Did someone else upset you?”

  “Sort of, but . . .” she trailed off.  “It's a secret.”

  “Oh, I see." He paused just for a moment. "Well, we all have secrets.” He leaned forward and tousled her hair. “You’ll always be part of the family Aurelia. You don’t get to quit that part.”

  “You’re the best, Master Connall.” She beamed at him, close to tearing up herself. She lunged forward and gave him a tight hug around the waist before scampering off down the hall.  

She was going to be a guard and then . . . Well, that was the secret.

But she’d show him.

She’d show him who was weak.

------

Wrote this several years ago, but it was relevant to the new piece I did and I don't think I posted it here.

Originally posted on deviantart, Nov 14th 2017.

[sonofthedarkviking]

Anyone out there ever been in a relationship or marriage where you love someone who doesnt love you back?

They hit you with the "i love you but im just not in love with you" or "i need space to work on myself".

You go from sharing the same bed to barely being in the same room with one another for more than 5 minutes. You text and call but she does not reply or pick up the phone. And if she does, its usually hours later and not even relevant to your last message to her and her reason for not answering is because she didnt hear it or its charging. But everytime you see her she has that phone in hand like it was a part of her.

No matter what you say or do, appreciation never goes any further than a thank you. You could spend all your money on this person but to expect the same from her is a pipe dream. Anytime she leaves she only says that she will be back but you lnow that isnt true and you usually see her the next afternoon.

Yeah, many would read this and say its a no-brainer right, and the obvious choice is to break up with or divorce her. Well, you would be correct in most cases and i 100% agree, yet i find myself struggling with the hope that she will change and things can go back to the way they used to be.

When you love someone so much that you will continue to put up with the disrespect, neglect and inconsideration for your feelings and thoughts. You basically become a doormat. No pride, no confidence, no focus or concentration on anything that doesnt involve her.

I used to hear about situations like this and say its not that hard to walk away or find somebody new. Well here i am the very situation i so easily had an answer for back when i was an arrogant and free spirited young man and find myself unable to follow my younger self's advice.

I have had plenty of chances to get away but i keep making excuses to stay. I have forgiven what most would consider deal breakers and tried to move on with hopes of a better future but that hope diminishes everyday

Why do i continue to do this to myself? Why do i keep holding on to what may never be?

Because i love her and i want to believe she still loves me.

Whats wrong with me? Why do i feel powerless to stop this ?

[linawritestwst]

hello, lina! congrats on 1k, i'd like a matchup if there are still some slots open? ^_^ i use she/her pronouns, my MBTI is INFJ, and my zodiac sign is Libra!

personality: i've been told i'm a nurturing and perceptive person who can notice the emotions of and encourage the people around me. i have good social skills and can lead when needed but i prefer to be a follower since i'm actually little reserved myself. i also prefer to show my candid self to a select few who i really trust. i laugh at silly things really easily but i usually stifle my laughter. i am also a bit physically affectionate!

interests: poetry/literature, history, intellectual and philosophical topics, documentaries, nature and anything related to tea and herbs.

hobbies: reading books, writing poems, stargazing, taking walks during nighttime.

what i'm looking for a partner: someone who can indulge me on my interests (they don't have to necessarily share them. if they're willing to indulge me even if they don't know what it's about, that is more than enough!), who can tell me to step back when i get too distracted taking care of others, who wouldn't mind that i can be a bit childish and silly at heart, someone who can be honest with me and keep me grounded.

what i'm not looking for in a partner: someone who is brutally inconsiderate, who is impulsive and follows their emotions too much (i value emotions myself but not to the point of carelessness/recklessness without logic), who is self-absorbed, or anyone who is dishonest and don't put the least bit of efforts.

i don't have a preference for specific years or dorms! i really, really want to know who i might be compatible with in your eyes and also, don't forget to take a break when you need it! thank you so much and congrats, lina. your works are always the best <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE TOO SWEET.. i'm so sorry for being so late, but i hope you like this matchup anyway!

the character that i think would be a good partner for you is..

riddle rosehearts!

i'll explain why i chose him:

i think your dynamic would be so cute! riddle could definitely use a s/o who's good at noticing other people's emotions and how their mood changes, haha. also i think that him being more of a leader because, you know, he's literally a dorm leader and he's based on queen of hearts, and you being more of a follower is a very interesting and fun concept! it's like he can be the one who's good at leading people and you can be there to follow him, but also gently guide him and give him advice in case he does something wrong.

it's hard for riddle to admit it, but he actually would love to hear you laugh more often. you can really notice him showing favoritism when he hears ace or cater laughing at something dumb and tells them to stop, but then he sees you trying really hard not to laugh at the same joke and for some reason.. he doesn't say anything and pretends not to see it. also he's not used to physical affection and he has no idea what to do when he receives it, but.. to be honest, he actually kinda likes it. please pretend you didn't hear that from him.

riddle may be a bit very impulsive sometimes, considering his temper, but he started to work on that after his overblot and also he just feels more calm whenever you're around. and even though it can be very hard for him to control his emotions, he still tries his best and trust him, he would never hurt you. he wants to help you as much as you help him, so if he notices you spending too much time taking care of others while forgetting about your own needs, he will remind you that you're just as important as those other people, so you should remember to take care of yourself too. also, you two share quite a lot of interests, so i'm sure you two would have lots of fun together!

[pridediesinpink]

lived ten lives and survived it all

“If you could have anything in the world what would it be? What would you do right know if you knew it would bring no hurt or heartbreak whatsoever?” She hummed into the dark kitchen, keeping her voice low and gentle to avoid waking the slaves. Dim candle light shadowed her pretty face. Her eyes were dreamy and sad. He supposed she had her own answer to this very question.

“Oh I’m not afraid of heartbreak,” He offers easily. Deep down he is only avoiding the obvious answer that is keeping him awake at nights. He will take any spare seconds until the unforgiving blade cuts in.

“Everybody is afraid of heartbreak,” she chimes with a wry smile. She has this distant but honest look to her face and he oddly feels like she is pitying him. “Even the heartless ones. Because facing heartbreak and suffering it, is way better than facing heartbreak and not feeling it. Then they have no choice but to accept that they are unredeemable abominations. And that they will spend the rest of their lives in famine for the great love they keep hearing about. They will have none of it, and in that moment they learn that it’s final.”

He is quiet for just a moment. But he never did do well with silences. He feels too on the spot to sit comfortably in them. “So what would you do if you knew there’d be no consequences?”

“I see you tiptoeing away from your answer,” She says mercilessly. “But I am very nice and you are my honorable guest, so I’ll allow it.”

“How incredibly considerate.” He sips from his tea, almost entirely cold now.

She pauses for a second. Like she is pulling herself together to voice the thing she had been thinking for eternity. “I’d kill my husband and our son. He is too old for redemption, he already is his father. It’d be a mercy kill. To my baby, or to the people he will rule someday— you pick. I’d take a horse and ride out of this walls. Find Liliana. And start over. To all of it.”

“It certainly sounds very well thought.”

“Well, those aren’t the rules are they?” She chuckles a little.

“And do you believe you will do it?” He dares asking.

“You have some nerve to ask that to the Lady of the very house you are staying in,” she says lightly. Never drops her gentle smile. Not since she caught him sneaking in from the front yard and invited him to the kitchen for tea. Not once. It’s soothing in a way. He feels as though he is allowed to fuck up. Allowed to say the wrong thing. Allowed to just chat for half an hour. Before it’s all table manners and his father’s presence again. “But yes, maybe this year I will. I still get stuck on murdering my son. He does look an awful lot like me when he’s sleeping. An awful lot like a good boy. In those moments I think of an other life where I could’ve had my baby in a nicer home. And he would grow into a man without killing anyone at twelve.”

“If you will forgive me, aren’t you a little late to dream this then?” He asks. It may be inconsiderate, calling her a bad mother who is late to saving her child, but they seem to say just about anything in this moment.

She searches his face for a while. “How old do you think I am Theodore?”

“Well you have a son who is twelve already.”

“I am twenty-and-four.” She smiles easily. He doesn’t imagine she’s stopped caring about this fact but she seems well adjusted to it. “I have just lately gotten old enough to dream again.”

This time he looks at her for a longer moment. Tries thinking the girl in front of him as the wife who sat next to the Lord at the dinner table. The way she saw him sneaking some food into his pocket and only looked curious, but didn't say a word. He supposes it must be hard for her to discard people without thinking of their stories. Not when she has so many of her own. 

“Why did you tell me all of this?” He is painfully aware that he sounds so young. Even though she only has one year on him. He feels like she’s lived ten lives and survived it all until the end.

“So you’d know.” She tells him simply. “Knowing takes you a long way. Letting people know takes you even longer.”

[zakmarcin]

Hey Zak, I’ll like your advice if you have time to give. I took my ex back last year April. He told me yesterday he doesn’t want his mind to wander and I know he’s talking about his ex b/c he went back to her earlier next year. He was honest with me about how tired he was waiting for me to move in with him. He said he didn’t cheat on me. Almost been a year and I still haven’t been able to move in with him because I’m talking care of my mom. He took his ex back because I wasn’t able to move near him. I didn’t cry but I was hurt.

However I’ve been taking my stuff to his home in these past few months cause my mom is ready to head back to her homeland.

One day while on FT, he was playing video games and overheard him talking this his brother and he was talking about other how hard it is to find a woman with the whole package such as intelligence and body. That kind of hurt my feelings because I don’t fit the description he really want.

I feel like I should leave but he’s my first bf I had. I never had someone have so much patience with me. I grew up neglected and never had a man take their time with me been all alone these years because I’ve been losing my immediate family. I’m almost 30 years old and have been sad, stressed and overwhelmed for a long time. All I have is my mother left and she’s been going senile for about two years now so in reality she’s not really here, just physically. I have a few best friends but they are mothers now and I don’t want to bother them.

He tells me he loves me and once told me tolerates me and wants to start a family but something about it feels off. I feel like if his ex was not hard to deal with he’ll be her and not me. I’m scared to start over honestly.

I think that if you still have any concerns about his ex and he JUST told you about his mind wandering, you shouldn’t be with him. I’m very big on not tolerating anything ex related.

Also, if someone is gonna push you to move in like that, the bare minimum is they should definitely be 100% sure of you. It’s also a huge red flag that he was that pushy about it and even left for an EX because you were staying to take care of your mother. I understand wanting to advance the relationship and take those steps, but that’s very inconsiderate and telling. That combined with the “tolerate” comment and the conversation you overheard, makes it sound like comfort and attachment more than love.

My overall advice - trust your intuition. I know life has been hard for you, but it will get even harder if you choose the wrong partner, one who is not certain of you. You don’t want a lifetime of those sad, overwhelming feelings, and a partner is a very pivotal decision. It’s also very important to distinguish patience vs. tolerance. How patient is a guy who left you because you couldn’t move in because your mom was sick?

Starting over sucks, it really does, and it’s especially hard for everyone when it’s their first, but it’s important to realize that the concept of the “first” is just something we romanticize. I was completely daunted by the idea of it not working out with my first, and fast forward all these years, I don’t think about her at all, and never in any positive light.

Once I truly let that go, with more maturity/wisdom and no concept of a “first” to cloud my vision, I met someone I feel even stronger about, (which back then I didn’t think was possible) someone that I want to spend my life with. Whether I get to do that or not, it taught me what matters is who becomes the last. And if I can do it, I know you can. 30 is not too late for anything. You deserve someone you don’t have to second guess.

It *could* be worth a conversation with him if you haven’t voiced your concerns in depth to see what he has to say. But overall I think we both may know enough to know what the best thing to do is. I hope this helps. Wishing you blessings and discernment through this time.