#she never made it home from the hospital after having Maddie

[strawbubbysugar]

Are we going to find out what happened to the wife or nah?

I thought I implied it pretty well 🫢

[elihermit]

Can you do a buck x reader where the reader and buck are married but she gets amnesia and only doesn't remember buck and their relationship. But it ends with fluff

where’s my mind?

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: you wake up in a hospital bed surrounded by your family and friends, but amnesia took away the memory of your husband, what’s Buck gonna do?

word count: 2,1k

author’s note: thanks to an anon for this request, I hope you all enjoy it, because I definitely had fun writing it 🫧 p.s. requests are open

“Yes baby, I will be home in 10 minutes, just had to stop at a gas station otherwise I wouldn’t make it.” — you say over the phone and sigh. Your day was long enough, of course it couldn’t end well, something had to make it a bit longer.

“Okay love, be safe.” — you hear Buck’s voice and smile. Who would have thought that after four years of dating – you can finally call this man your husband? The past three months of being married were so wonderful, you had everything you dreamed of. “I love you.”

“I love you too, see you soon!” — you smiled again and hung up the phone.

Well, this gas station definitely looks a bit shady, but it was the only one near and you really needed to get some gas.

It was 11 p.m., streets are getting emptier, and flashlights are the only source of seeing something in this darkness. You felt shivers down your spine and thought that it’s time to go home, you didn’t like this place.

Your hand reaches for the car door to get into the driver's seat. But this never happens. Instead, you feel a blow to your head so hard that the only thing you remember is falling to the ground and darkness. If someone got a reward for the most unfortunate end of the day, you would get it today.

Next thing you know, you wake up in a hospital and you try to properly open your eyes, but the light in the hospital is so bright that you squint for the first few minutes. You feel someone is sitting next to you and you turn your head in their direction. It was Maddie.

“Maddie? W-what happened?” — you finally speak and don’t recognize your voice. The voice is so hoarse, quiet and low.

“Oh (Y/N), you’re finally awake.” — Maddie said with a smile. “Don’t worry, you’re fine now, you got attacked at a gas station and had a concussion.” — she took your hand and squeezed it. “I’m gonna tell Buck you’re awake, he just left to buy some coffee. He will be so happy.” — one more smile from her and she left your room.

“Buck? Who’s that?” — you think to yourself and get confused. “Maybe it’s a doctor or something.”

A man runs into your room with a relieved look on his face. You assumed it was Buck. But you really can’t remember his face. Maybe it’s Maddie’s friend or a doctor she knows, she's a former nurse after all.

“Hi baby, I’m so glad you’re awake.” — he rushed to sit next to your bed, took your hand in his and placed a gentle kiss on it. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but do I know you? I can’t remember if I ever saw you.” — the confusion is written on your face, you furrowed your brows and looked at him.

But Buck just laughed and smiled at you. You always liked to call him “sir” to tease him. He had no idea why you did that, but he secretly liked it, it made you look cocky.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing, but I’m getting quite uncomfortable by my hand being kissed by a stranger. You better explain.” — you said that and pulled your hand out of his. Why does he think that he has some privilege to do that?

Then Buck realized. You don’t remember him. He felt like his world fell apart in one second. Everything they had been building for almost 5 years just disappeared. Your eyes were saying everything. There’s no love, affection and fondness in them. You didn’t look at him like he was the most important person in your life anymore.

“Maddie, can you explain? This man seems too stunned to speak.” — you said annoyingly, because no one gives any answers.

“(Y/N), I’m Buck, your husband.” — he said with so much pain that for a moment you thought that it’s you who’s acting stupid.

You couldn't lose your memory like that, could you? You remember everyone except your husband. Oh god, you're married, you probably have a house together, lots of plans for the future, but you don't remember anything.

Your head starts to hurt a lot from all the information that doesn't seem real. You look at Maddie and you see that tears are starting to form in her eyes. You see Hen standing outside the door of the room and talking to the doctor. The saddest look you've ever seen is on her face. Everyone remembers everything, why can't you remember?

The doctor comes into your room and gives you a little smile. This smile didn’t say "it's good that you woke up", this smile said "hang on, you have a lot of surprises ahead."

“So, Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, I have some news that I need to share. (Y/N) experienced a severe blow to the head, which led to dissociative amnesia, due to which she may forget something or someone specific in her life.” — so it’s true, you did forget your husband. How long have you two been together? How many good memories did you forget?

“What can we do?” — Buck said, pursing his lips. He took your hand again and squeezed it. This news shocked him, he wasn't ready for it, but he knows for sure that he is ready to do everything in his power to make you remember him.

“The best thing you can all do is put her in the environment where she has been for the last 5 years. Guide her slowly and carefully tell her the events she has forgotten. Memories can come in flashes and this is normal, it means that she remembers and after a while she will remember everything. But I must warn you that there is a chance that she will not remember anything.” — the doctor said and gave Buck a soft look. Unfortunately, he has to deal with many cases of amnesia and the hardest thing is to see the patient's family and know that they don't have the slightest idea what to do next. “Now, if you excuse me, I need to check on another patient.”

There is a chance that she will not remember anything. These words ring in Buck's head. What if she really doesn't remember anything? Would he have to win her love all over again? Would he have to propose to her again? Will they have to build everything again for another 5 years?

2 months later

The door opens. You came back from grocery shopping. Apparently, this is the house that you and Buck moved into after your wedding. Home sweet home, only you don't feel at home. You remember that you lived alone, there wasn't even a man on the horizon that you liked, turns out you're already married.

Buck is very sweet, he hasn't left your side for a second since you woke up. He showed you pictures of you together. Here you are at Bobby's birthday party, here you saw Jee for the first time, here you are at Chim and Maddie’s hospital wedding, here you are spending a free day at the beach. And you could remember those events, but you don't remember living them with Buck.

Yesterday Buck told you that you were supposed to fly to Europe together for the first time in 2 weeks. It's been your dream all your life and Buck was happy to make it a reality. He was happy to share memories with you that would keep you both warm in the future. But the trip will have to be canceled, because he doesn't want to overwhelm you.

“I know it’s a lot and you probably want to run away, but listen, I’m here if you need me. I know you don’t remember me, but I remember everything and my love will be enough for both of us for now.” — Buck put the bags on the floor and came over to you. He stopped in front of you and didn't know how to behave. He wanted to kiss you, but would it be too much? He wanted to hug you, but wouldn't that scare you off?

Seeing how he hesitated, you hugged him yourself. You hugged him to you as hard as you could. The thing is, you were very scared. But Buck instilled a sense of security, he was your safe place. You didn't remember him, but your body remembered exactly how to react to him. And you trusted that instinct.

So far, you have agreed to sleep in separate bedrooms. You didn't want to rush things, and he didn't want to push you. So when night fell, you said goodnight to each other and went to your rooms.

You lay down on the bed and put your head on the pillow, it smelled like Buck. His cologne, his shower gel, the whole room seemed to be filled with him. You looked at the bedside table and saw a photo of you together. So happy and beautiful, in the photo you were somewhere in the park.

“I promise I will remember you. For us.” — you said quietly to yourself and fell asleep.

It was a beautiful sunny day. You look at yourself in the mirror and you're wearing an amazing wedding dress. Your hair, makeup, jewelry — all this made you feel like a princess.

“Athena, I’m so nervous, I don't think I will remember my vows.” — you turned around to Athena while she was preparing your veil.

“(Y/N), you and Buck have been preparing for this wedding for six months, if something goes wrong, it will definitely be Chim that got into some shit again.” — she laughed and took your hand.

“Listen, don't memorize your vows, speak from the heart. Remember how he makes you feel, remember his every look and touch, remember how he looks at you. And don't forget to add his nickname at the end. What do you always call him?” — Athena looked into your eyes and smiled. She knew for sure that your vows would be perfect.

“Light of my life.”

You woke up and were breathing heavily. It was a flashback from your wedding. Of course, you always called him "light of my life." Because he saved you from the darkest stage of your life.

You had your favorite white tulips at the wedding. Buck wanted everyone to come in colorful outfits, but you insisted on a dress code. And the cake ended up being 5 times bigger than you expected, so at the end of the day you handed it out to each guest, so they could eat it at home.

You remembered. Panic began to take over your whole body. Or is it just your love for your husband has returned and your body is responding to it?

You lifted the blanket, got out of bed, and hurried to the room where Buck sleeps. But he wasn't sleeping, you saw the light in his room and opened the door.

“Buck…” — you whispered and felt tears on your cheeks.

“Hey. Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” — Buck saw how panicked you were and rushed to stand next to you. He put his hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes. “Talk to me.”

“Light of my life.”

He froze. Did you remember? Or is he dreaming? He didn’t want to move to not scare the reality. He just wanted to stay in this moment.

“You don't like oranges, so we immediately told the pastry chef not to offer us cakes with oranges. You really want children, so on our second date we started choosing names for our children. When you were struck by lightning, you pretended to be a Flash for 3 months, and when I dyed my hair and didn't tell you about it, you started calling me because you didn't recognize me, even though I was standing next to you the whole time.” — you started rattling off the facts of your relationship quickly, as if you were afraid to forget, but you remembered everything.

You saw the tears in Buck's eyes and started crying even harder. You couldn't even imagine what he was going through these two months while you didn't remember anything.

“I knew you would remember.” — he said and had the biggest smile on his face. “C-can I kiss you?”

“Please.” — you said it and pulled him to you for a kiss. So desirable for both of you.

“Don’t cancel Europe, we need more memories.”

Buck just laughed, picked you up and carried you to the bed. It's going to be a long night.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

If you’re still taking prompts, Tommy spending time with Maddie?

Oh I like this!

----

"At least this time it was planned." Maddie offered

"Yeah... And the nurse did say everything is going according to plan earlier."

"But you still worry."

"Yeah." Tommy chuckled. "I convinced him to get it done now so he'd be back on his feet by the time the little one starts walking."

Maddie smiled and rubbed her pregnant belly.

"Yeah I think he is looking forward to meeting his family. He's about to walk right out of there in a minute. Jee wasn't this restless."

"I guess he takes after his father then. I've never known Howie to be calm and relaxed." Tommy commented "Well... off the clock at least." he added after a beat and they both laughed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking bad hospital coffee and Tommy's eyes fixed on the door.

"What about you two?" Maddie asked.

"Hmm?"

Tommy reluctantly tore his eyes away from the door and looked at her.

"One of these." she gestured at her belly.

"I don't think either of us is at risk of getting pregnant any time soon." Tommy deadpanned and laughed when Maddie slapped his bicep.

"You know what I mean. Am I going to be an aunt any time soon?"

Tommy sat up straighter and played with the lid of his coffee cup.

"We've talked about it. Marriage, kids... the whole nine yards... and we want the same things..."

"But..." Maddie prompted.

"But... not just yet." Tommy shook his head. "We've only been back together about six months. And the last time we rushed into things it didn't go so well. So one step at a time for now."

"Isn't he moving in with you when he's discharged?"

"Yeah but that's because he's going to need a lot of help. Especially the first few months. And those stairs in the loft are lethal."

"He managed before..."

"Maybe. But he doesn't have to anymore now. I have a bedroom and a bathroom on the ground floor at my place and the stairs aren't so damn steep, he can easily manage them with crutches if needed."

Suddenly the door opened and one of the doctors walked up to them.

"Evan Buckley's family?"

Tommy was on his feet in seconds.

"That's right. How is he?"

The doctor gave him a tired smile.

"The operation was a success. No complications. Straight out of the medical text books."

"So he's ok?"

"He has a long road to recovery ahead of him, but I don't see why he shouldn't make a full recovery in due time." The doctor told them. "He'll still be asleep for a while, but one of the nurses will come get you when they've gotten him settled back in, in his room and you can sit with him."

Tommy let out a sigh of relief while Maddie thanked the doctor before they left the two of them to it again.

"He's ok." Maddie said, slipping her arm through Tommy's. "He's ok."

About ten minutes later a nurse came to get them and took them to Buck's room. He was still fast asleep but apart from a pulse oximeter on his finger and a cast on his leg, he looked just like he would on a regular day at home.

Tommy sat down next to the bed and softly brushed the curls off his forehead, while Maddie sat down on the other side and held Buck's hand in hers.

"You know he always hated that?"

"Hated what?"

"His curls. People playing with them." Maddie explained. "I used to do it when he was little but when he got old enough to pick his own hairstyle, the curls were gone and everyone was forbidden to touch his hair. I think I still have some pictures of when he gave himself a haircut when he was about 12 or 13."

Tommy grinned.

"If you can still find them, I'd love to see them."

"I'll get Howie to look for them." Maddie promised. "But what I'm trying to say is... he's changed since he met you. For the better."

"I did tell him I liked the curls once... He hadn't had time to get a haircut in a while and his hair was getting longer and the curls just made him look... soft." Tommy smiled, running his hands through Buck's hair.

Maddie smiled.

"Not just the hairstyle. Or wearing clothes in his actual size instead of at least two sizes too small." She laughed. "But he's... more comfortable in his own skin. He's content. Happy in a way I've never seen him before. And that's down to you."

"I don't know about that..." Tommy ducked his head.

"I do." Maddie insisted. "You're good for him. You're good for each other."

Buck began to stir and groaned as he opened his eyes. He rolled his head to the side and smiled when he saw Tommy.

"Hey you." Tommy said and got up to press a kiss to the top of his head. "Welcome back. How are you feeling?"

"Hmokay... better when the room stops spinning... and there's only one of you. is my leg still there?" he reached out to touch his leg and then realised someone was holding his hand. He turned his head and saw his sister. "Maddie!" he said happily, like he hadn't seen her in years.

"Hi." she giggled and squeezed his hand. "They've got you on the good stuff, huh."

"They fixed my leg." he explained. "Tommy said I should do it now. For the baby." He frowned. "Not our baby." He turned his head back to the other side to look at Tommy. "You're not having a baby... right?"

Tommy bit his lip to stop himself from laughing.

"No, no I'm not. But your sister is."

Buck turned back to Maddie.

"You're having a baby?" he asked, and then noticed her pregnant belly. "You're having a baby! Wait... i-is that Tommy's baby?"

"What? No!" Maddie said and both her and Tommy burst out laughing. "I don't think I'm really his type."

"Yeah, sorry, I prefer the other Buckley." Tommy said laughingly.

Buck frowned.

"Who?"

"You." Tommy told him and softly kissed him. "I'm going to get a nurse. Let them know you're awake. I'll be right back." He got up and left the room with Buck looking at him with a dopey smile that wasn't just the anaesthetic.

"I love him." Buck declared, still looking at the door.

Maddie smiled and gave his hand another squeeze.

"I know. He loves you too."

"Yeah? Yeah!" Buck replied answering his own question. "I'm going to marry him. I have a ring." he said, just as Tommy came back in with a nurse.

"Hello mister Buckley, glad to see you awake." the nurse told him as she quickly checked him over. "The operation went well, and you should be able to go home in a few days."

Buck nodded and turned to Maddie.

"You need to call Eddie for me. He has the ring. I need it... for Tommy. I'm going to marry him."

"I'll call him." Maddie promised. sharing a look with Tommy over the bed.

"Good. I'm just... sleep..." Buck mumbled as he started to drift off again.

"He probably won't remember this conversation when he wakes up again." the nurse told them. "I'm guessing you're Eddie?" she asked Tommy who shook his head.

"I'm Tommy. And I guess I better start working on my surprised face."

---

send me a prompt and I'll write you a fic(let)!

[cjlouwho]

Prompt: Tommy's first birthday with Evan and he's turning 40

I'm sorry this took so long I think about things too much!

Buck had asked when Tommy's birthday was when they first started dating, kept it held tight in his memory bank until he could write it in his calendar, and began planning before they'd even gone on more than four dates. His birthday was still months away at that point, but somehow Buck knew he was in it for the long haul.

Over those few months, as their relationship turned more into a partnership, Buck learned that Tommy never really had birthday parties growing up. His mom would buy him a donut that morning and put a candle in it, sing to him quietly in the kitchen while his dad was nursing a hangover in the living room, and then he'd unwrap a comic book that his mom would save up to buy.

Every birthday after seventeen was spent alone, or at work, and he never mentioned it to anyone.

That meant that his 40th birthday had to be perfect. Absolutely perfect from start to finish.

Tommy had told him he didn't expect or even want anything, but Buck had made him promise he'd request the day off.

Tommy rarely said no to anything Buck asked.

Buck made sure Bobby scheduled everyone off for that day as well.

What he didn't expect was that Jee would get sick, and give whatever flu bug she had to Maddie and Chimney.

Or that Denny would break his leg playing soccer and Hen would be spending the night in the hospital.

Or that Christopher would call Eddie and ask him to fly to El Paso and bring him home.

Bobby had to cancel too. A pipe burst in May's apartment and they had to go move her into a new place.

A couple of Tommy's friends had last minute things come up too, leaving Buck to cancel on the remaining few that could make it. It would have been really lame to do all he had planned with only four or five people present.

On the morning of Tommy's birthday, Buck rolled over to see Tommy sleeping soundly beside him. His hair was all ruffled up, mouth hanging slightly open. His chest rose and fell peacefully.

So damn cute, Buck thought.

He'd broken the news to him yesterday afternoon. All the surprises he had planned had to be cancelled on the count of him having the worst luck in the world. Tommy had laughed, his face scrunched in that adorable smile that Buck could never resist. He brought Buck close to him, promised him, “Evan, I don't need anything or anyone but you.”

Still, Buck knew he could make the day just as special without anyone else. He started by quietly slipping out of bed, pulling on his boxers before heading to the kitchen.

When Tommy woke up twenty minutes later, it was to the smell of pancakes and bacon, his favorite breakfast.

“What's all this?” Tommy asked, a smile on his face. His hair was still a mess, he had on basketball shorts that he had tossed off the night before, and a very tight white shirt on that was most definitely Buck's. Buck loved getting to see him like this. Loved that he wasn't always so put together like everyone else thought he was.

“It's birthday breakfast,” Buck answered, bringing a plate of pancakes to the table before walking over to Tommy and wrapping him in his arms. He pressed a kiss to his lips, tasting the minty mouthwash Tommy had just used. “Happy birthday, babe,” he whispered once they parted.

Another kiss, Tommy moaning a little “Mm” into it this time, the way he always did when he felt overwhelmed by Buck's love. “Thank you.”

Reluctantly, he let Buck go so he could go get the bacon. Coffee was already on the table, steam still rising from the cup. Tommy sat down a took a sip.

Just the way he liked it.

“You didn't have to do this for me, Evan,” he said once the bacon was at the table and Buck was seated beside him.

“I wanted to. Now, eat up. Busy day ahead.”

After breakfast they both went to get dressed, but ended up a bit distracted. Usually Buck would be beside himself being thirty minutes behind schedule. Especially when he had spent the entire previous day planning every moment on a clipboard he had found mysteriously hidden behind the couch.

Turns out, Tommy was very excited about his breakfast pancakes and Buck couldn't find it in him to care that they weren't going to be on time.

Once they finally got dressed and out the door, they headed to the zoo. Tommy had mentioned before that he'd never been, and Buck had been determined since that day to make sure he got in a visit.

After the zoo was The Getty. It was a bit of a drive, but that didn't matter. Buck had learned two months into their relationship that Tommy was an incredible artist. He didn't make much time for it, but when he did, he put his all into it. Even when Buck didn't quite understand what Tommy had painted, he loved it. It was beautiful, because it meant something to Tommy, and that's all that mattered.

There was a late lunch after that, at one of their favorite cafe's. They sat outside and enjoyed the breeze while they sipped on lemonade and shared sandwiches.

Last was a hike. Nothing strenuous. It was more of an excuse to walk side by side, holding hands and chatting. Buck loved doing that. Loved that Tommy didn't shy away from affection. Loved how their hands fit together just perfectly, swinging between them with each step.

After that, they headed home for a movie night. Love, Actually was first, with whatever else Tommy wanted after that.

“Evan,” Tommy stopped him as they entered their house.

“Yeah?” Buck asked, turning to him.

Tommy lifted a hand to Buck's face, his thumb stroking his cheek gently. “Today was incredible.”

“You sure? I know it wasn't-”

“Ev. Incredible,” Tommy repeated.

Buck smiled, relief washing over his face. “It was, wasn't it?”

Tommy pulled him in for a kiss, stepping back until Buck was pressed up against the door.

Before it could get too heated, Buck patted his chest and Tommy reluctantly pulled away.

“There's something else for you,” he said, sliding away from Tommy and heading into the kitchen.

“Hun, I don't need anything else. You already did too much.”

“Just one more thing.” Buck got a rectangular, white box out of the fridge. Tommy wasn't sure how he'd hid it, but it was the first he'd seen of it. He walked closer, standing across the counter from Buck as he set the cake box down.

“You got me a cake, too?!” Tommy asked, his voice filled with something Buck could only describe as child-like glee.

“Of course I did.” He lifted the lid to show Tommy a beautifully decorated chocolate and vanilla marble cake, with 'Happy 40th Birthday, Tommy' written on it. “It was too late to cancel and order a smaller one,” he said as Tommy stared down at it in wonder, “so it feeds thirty people, but we can freeze it.”

“It's perfect,” Tommy said softly. He looked up at Buck, eyes wide and wet, “This whole day... perfect."

Evan walked around the counter and pulled Tommy close, resting his head in the crook of Tommy's neck, pressing a kiss there. “I love you, Tommy.”

Tommy ran his hands up and down Buck's back, a happy sigh escaping him. “I love you, Evan.”

*****

They were both very pleasantly surprised one week later when, thinking they were going to Bobby and Athena's for a simple dinner, they opened the door to be greeted with a beautifully decorated house. Tons of balloons and streamers all around. All their friends and family there, shouting surprise as they stood under a huge 'HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TOMMY' sign. A cake was rolled out with forty candles, and written on it was 'Someone call a firefighter!'

Tommy had to fight back the tears in his eyes. In one week he'd gone from never having a birthday cake in his life, to having two.

[terrestrialnoob]

To say that Bruce Wayne didn’t like Vlad Masters would be an understatement. Masters refused to treat anyone not obviously rich with any decency, was allergic to admitting he was wrong, used underhanded business tactics to get unconscionably one-sided deals, and kept everything just barely on the side of legal. All on top of having the reputation as one of America’s Most Charitable Billionaires with how much money he gave into rare disease research, that just so happened to also be America’s second biggest tax write-off for one individual. It wasn’t a private feud either. Bruce had gotten, first, in a donation war for who could fund the most charities, which Bruce had thought was in good fun, until it soon became clear that Masters was taking it far too seriously and tried to sabotage a charity event. Bruce wasn’t sure how he did it, but “it was lucky that Batman was there” to get everyone out of the burning building. Bruce then learned just how competitive the man was, and if he didn’t let him win, there’d be more innocent people put into danger.

So, you could imagine his surprise when he got a phone call from a dejected sounding Vlad Masters. “Bruce, it may be hard to believe, but I need your help.”

“With what?” Bruce didn’t want to deal with this man-child’s ego tripping, but he could never refused a cry for help, whether legitimate or a trap.

Vlad sighed loudly into the phone and Bruce thought for a moment he had been hung up on and missed the beep. But after the long pause Vlad said, “Recently, some old college friends of mine died.”

Bruce absorbed that in the shorter pause that followed. First that someone like Vlad had friends, and second, that their deaths meant something to him.

Vlad continued, “Jack had been a rival of mine and I had never forgiven him for marrying the woman I’d loved or – he also caused an accident that had left me hospitalized for months. I still say we were friends because, well, he never stopped trying to be mine despite how horrible I was to him. We had met when he and I were in a horrible punk band, and then I met his friend Maddie and the three of us made – Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble...”

“It’s understandable,” Bruce responded, “But, you said you needed my help? I have a really good grief counselor if that’s something you’d like?”

“Ah no, you see, Jack and Maddie had a son,” Vlad paused, “They had a daughter too, but she was home when their basement laboratory blew up and their entire house collapsed into it. The three of them, as well as three other teenagers, died. Danny was the only one to survive, and he is now in my care.”

“Jesus,” Bruce sighed, “Does he-”

“Before you offer, a bad experience with a school counselor has him sworn off seeing any kind of professional.” Vlad cut in, “And my bad behavior with his parents beforehand has convinced him I’m some kind of evil supervillain who wants world domination or some such nonsense. He wouldn’t trust anyone who’s associated with me in any way.”

Bruce nodded, seeing where this was going, “But you and I are openly rivals.”

Vlad hummed in agreement, “And you unfortunately have firsthand experience with both losing your parents and helping a grieving teen through the same.”

Bruce sighed, he was getting another kid, wasn’t he?

[chimneyz]

y'all wanted to know what happened, here is a sequel to this post:

Falling, that was the last thing he remembered, falling to his death. No, she said he wasn't going to die. Just falling. 

His eyes sluggishly blink open, his vision hazy, the lights around him were too much to bear. A comforting squeeze wraps around his hand.

"E-Ev'n?" Tommy croaks, his vision still adjusting. 

The squeeze becomes tighter, "No, I sent Buck home," a familiar voice soothes, "I promised I would stay with you until he actually ate and got some rest... you honestly don't know how hard he has fallen for you, do you? 

Tommy's body relaxes, he knows that voice. He may not know that voice as well as he would like, but he knows it. That same voice that practically raised the man he loves. That same voice that was the soul mate to one of his oldest friends. That same voice that told him he wasn't going to die. 

"Maddie?" 

Tommy's vision adjusts, the room was painfully bright, machines beeped around him, his body ached from cuts and bruises. Stitches were spread across his skin. His left leg in a cast lifted above the bed, the right arm tucked into another cast. Next to him, Maddie patiently sits in one of those uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs with a cup of what smells like coffee in her hands. 

"You gave us quite the scare there Tommy," Maddie weakly smiled. 

"Won't happen again," Tommy chuckled, God it hurts to chuckle.

"It better not," Maddie placed her hand on his and squeezed lightly "for my brother's sake." 

There was a comforting silence between them. Tommy doesn't remember much after the crash, just that it happened and with some stroke of luck made it out alive in one piece. 

"H-Hey did you by any chance play that message for Evan?"

Maddie shook her head, "No I didn't." 

"You promised tha-"

"No, no, no," Maddie wiggled her finger at him, "I promised in the worst case scenario that he would listen to the recording." 

"You said there will be no worse case scenario." 

"Was I wrong?" Maddie tilted her head. 

Tommy huffed out a laugh ducking his head, "No, I guess you weren't." 

"Tommy, look at me." 

He forced himself to look at her, her brown eyes full of sincerity. 

"Tell him everything you said, all of it."

"But Maddie," Tommy said "What if he doesn't forgive me, what if I fucked it all up beyond repair what if-"

"I am going to stop you right there. You and I both know that you can fix this. Just tell him."

Tommy weakly smiles, maybe she's right, maybe he can fix this. 

"Tommy you're awake!" Evan cheered as he stood in the doorway. My God did he look like a wreck, dark circles formed under his eyes, a stubble on his cheeks, hair messy. It looked like Evan hadn't slept for days. Not that it mattered, to Tommy this was the most gorgeous person that walked on this earth. Evan rushed to Tommy’s side cupping his face. He winced at the touch still in pain from the crash. 

Evan pulled away concern raising his eyebrows, "Oh, s-sorry I didn't mean-"

"No don't be," Tommy reached his unbroken hand to him, "Never be sorry Evan." 

"So it's Evan now huh?" 

Tommy's gaze moved to Maddie, she gave a reassuring nod getting up from her seat heading towards the door. 

"I will leave you two to it," Maddie smiled. 

"Hey Maddie," Tommy said.

She stopped at the door to look at him one last time before leaving. 

"Thank you."

"Of course, now tell him." 

She gave them privacy by closing the door behind her, Tommy and Evan gazed at each other. 

"Tell me what?" Evan smiled.

Tommy patted the bed gesturing for Evan to come close, to hold him. Tommy gazed in his big blues squeezing Evan's hand wondering how he could have ever walked away from this. No more, not again. Evan was his, and he was Evan's, it was how it was meant to be.

[cosyvelvetorchid]

Prompt: Buck and Tommy asking Maddie to be their surrogate.

I LOVED writing this one so much. I may actually add it to Ao3 as a oneshot.

I genuinely made myself cry at the end!

I hope you enjoy it! ❤️

It's funny how life works. You think you have a handle on things; that you know where things are headed, and then God, or the universe or something throws you a curveball. A big, giant, cruise ship shaped curveball, with enough power to turn your life completely upside down and give you exactly what you needed despite you having no idea you needed it.

Buck thought he would spend his whole life on the hamster wheel. The endless song and dance of dating, thinking he'd found someone he could be happy with, then they leave. And he loses enough couch.

Tommy had spent a lifetime hiding. Years of repressing who he was to protect himself. And when he finally came into his own and accepted who he was, it was too late. He'd resigned himself to the fact that he would be alone.

And then the captain of the 118 needs help and 2 people who - somehow despite having the job, the city they live in and people they know in common - had never actually met, flew into a hurricane together and everything changed.

Six months later they're sharing keys to eachothers homes.

One year and Buck is moving into Tommy's house.

And, 18 months in, when Tommy finally comes home from a month in the hospital - including 6 days in a coma where Buck thought he might actually lose the love of his life - after a helicopter crash, Buck barely makes it 5 minutes before proposing.

Two years and they're standing on Tommy's deck exchanging rings in front of everyone they love. They saw no point in waiting - they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

Three years in and they want to take the next big step. This one, however, was the biggest. The most terrifying: a family.

They'd spoken to a couple of surrogacy agencies but something was missing. Somehow they made it all seem so clinical. A business transaction. On top of that, in their research they had come across some horror stories of surrogate parents wanting to keep the baby despite it not being genetically theirs.

They talked and talked and talked about what options they had. And then Buck had remember something Connor had said about the reason they chose him as a sperm doner - they wanted someone they knew.

The answer was quite simple really. It was asking the question that was going to be difficult.

Three years and four months in they're sat in Maddie and Chimneys living room, nerves vibrating through they're entire bodies waiting for Maddie to say something.

"What?"

"We want to know if you would consider being a surrogate for us." Buck repeated.

"I.. Buck... I.. that's..." Maddie couldn't quite process what was being asked.

"Look, you know that we've been talking to agencies and trying to find the right one and sure they seem all above board and I'm sure that we could eventually find someone to help us build our family. But then it hit me - there's nobody on earth I.. we would trust to grow and nurture our baby more than you. Maddie you're a wonderful mother and I know that if you did agree to this that he or she would be loved and cared for and protected so much while their growing." He stopped to take a big breath. "But, we know its a huge ask, and you have as much time as you need to think about-"

"Yes." Maddie interrupted.

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

Buck, Tommy and Chimney all sat forward to look at her.

"Evan, you are the most amazing little brother anybody could ever have. And you've been through so much in your life; so much pain and trauma and, all I ever wanted for you was to be happy. And then I found out you and my stupid husband were going to fly into a hurricane and I was so scared - and mad-" She added scowling at Chimney "-but you came back and not alone." She looked at Tommy fondly. "You found someone who makes you truly happy, and I have never been more proud or happy for you." She wiped a tear from her eye.

"So, if I can do this one thing for you, to make you even happier, then of course I will do it."

Buck wiped his own tears away that had started falling somewhere around the helicopter part.

"Really?" Buck said, not quite believing it. His chin was shaking and more tears threatened.

"Are you sure?" Tommy added. Maddie leant forward reaching out for each of their hands.

"I love you both. I'm sure."

Buck practically through himself at her, enveloping her into a hug.

"Thank you Maddie. For everything. My whole life."

"Hey I wanna get in on this." Tommy interrupted, gently peeling Buck from his sister so he could hug her.

"I don't know what else to say other than thank you. So so much."

Four years and 2 months in and they get the phone call. The bag has been packed by the door for weeks, the nursery decorated for a month and 2 men, wildly in love with other, who couldn't imagine life without the others existence, were on the way to meet they're baby.

***

They chose not to tell anybody that Maddie was in labour. They knew they would get nothing but an outpouring of love, but they wanted to spend a little while - even if it was only a few hours, thanks to Howard i cant keep a damn secret Han - after the baby was born to enjoy the moment as a family. However, there was one person Buck did call.

Bobby arrived at the hospital and sat in the labor and delivery waiting area. After a few minutes, Buck turns a corner; a tiny bundle in his arms wrapped in a pale yellow blanket. Bobby immediately walked over with a smile.

"Hey cap. I wanted to introduce you to someone.. meet our daughter - Brook Maddie Kinard."

Bobby stared at Buck for a moment, not quite fully comprehending what he had heard.

"Brook that.. that was my daughters name.."

"I know." Buck smiled softly. "We wanted to name her after you, and Bobby is a gender neutral name, but having two of you might get confusing, so we chose Brook instead. Is.. is that okay?"

Bobby's eyes filled with tears as he swallowed back the emotion.

"Yeah, kid. Yeah it's okay."

[911is]

There’s no way you could make me like Any of the main characters parents in 911

Like all of them suck ass, why try redeeming them if they have no redeeming qualities.

Like Maddie and Buck’s parents are insane, not only do you have Buck to only save Daniel; you told your probably 9-12 yr old daughter to never bring him up again, to act like he doesn’t exist..

Then you ignore Buck for all his life and make him feel as if he did something wrong; making him feel like a burden like a loser..

Then you get upset with Maddie when buck finds out about his dead brother that he failed to save. And you’re yelling and crying at him saying he never made your life easy.

And like was he supposed to ? He didn’t ask for any of that and Maddie didn’t either.

You practically abandoned her too because she ‘ran off with Doug’ you literally never gave you daughter a reason to stay or to trust you.

It’s them never thinking about Buck and his feelings and making him feel like a disappointment. Making him think that the only way to ever get their attention as a kid was to put himself in a bunch of dangerous situations.

And to get hurt because that was the only time that they ever showed him that they cared about him.

It was them always putting their feelings about the past first and thinking about their future with Buck.

______________________________________

Then you have CHIMNEYS DAD !! Like let’s talk about this man.

Not only do you neglect your wife and kid- your son who tried to build some—any type of relationship with you. And you just flat out refuse to acknowledge him. Then you guys move out to a different country/state whatever…

You guys stay out there for some years and you’re ready to go back but your isn’t and you’re like you know fuck you and bye ✌🏾

Then while you’re back at home your WIFE ! Your wife falls ill with cancer; and your first thought isn’t hey let me go be there for my wife and kid or anything- it’s like ‘what can I do vibe’ then your wife dies and you move on and have another kid.

You don’t comfort your son during his time of grief or anything, you just move on. Then years later the kid you have with your now current wife; is now moving out to where Your first son stays and you’re like watch him and help him..

You never really apologize or anything, you just move on with your life.

_________________________

For Eddie I have a whole other post for him

But it’s like for the moment the guy can even think- it’s was Eddie being there for his mom when his dad wasn’t.

It was Eddie at the Age of like 9 stepping up and being the man of the house. It was Eddie being there for his mom and trying to drive the car and get her to the hospital because shes in labor with Sophia, and he was probably did same thing with Adrianna.

It’s Eddie growing up way too early; it’s Eddie having Christopher and both Helena and Ramon are pressing Eddie to marrying Shannon and step up (which Yeah he’s got to take care of his kid) but Eddie and Shannon were literally teens and making them get married at that age just added a whole lot of pressure on them.

Even though Eddie doesn’t regret the marriage or anything; And still it’s Eddie going out to war and then coming back— to stay with his kid and it’s him move miles away from his parents—And it’s them saying ‘you can’t do that you’ve barely been around and he need and your son needs the best’ implying that Eddie isn’t what’s best for his kid ?

And them constantly after that telling eddie in their own way that what he’s doing isn’t enough- that he’s going to bring his kid down and he needs to do right by his kid..

And it’s never about Eddie and it’s never how’s Eddie (their son) doing— and how can they help be there for him or nothing. It’s always about Chris and never him.

-They didn’t comfort him when Shannon died and they definitely didn’t comfort her when she was alive and Eddie was out serving.

And they don’t comfort Eddie with the whole Kim thing either- like I get it Eddie messed up by seeing her and all that; but there this lady was with his whole dead ex wife’s face and he didn’t know what to do but to go talk with because— he’s so clearly hasn’t gotten any closure in her death,but I digress.

So with the whole Kim thing they don’t think to be like oh OUR son is clearly going through something and has been going through something for quite a long time— let’s take this moment and talk with him.. NO ITS

“ how could could you do this around Christopher”

“And what were you thinking”

“ he called us—and we think it’s best for Christopher to come with us”

AND YOU STANDING THERE WATCHING YOUR SON CRY TO HIS SON AND— And !?!?!!

——————————————————

So Much Much more for all of them

Like it’s not even funny when you out all of this to thought.

[inkinmyheartandonthepage]

Yes, No, Maybe

Day 16 of flufftober and the prompt is Yes, No, Maybe! I hope you enjoy and you can read it here on Ao3.

“Yes, no or maybe; would you ever go sky diving?” Buck asked, rolling his neck along the back of his chair to look at Athena Grant.

“No,” Athena said, voice firm. She turned to look at Buck, her eyes narrowed. “Please tell me you haven’t.”

Buck shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. “No?”

Athena clicked her tongue, shooting Buck a disapproving look.

“It was before I even met you,” Buck rushed to say. “And I only went the once and it was with a big group of some people I had met. I was fine!”

Athena reached over the arm rest to pat Buck’s wrist. “As long as you don’t do it again, hon. With your luck, the parachute wouldn’t open.”

Buck opened his mouth to protest but a sharp look from Athena had him closing it. Okay, so she maybe had a point. He slumped back in his small seat, stretching his legs out as much as his could. “More like I wouldn’t even get off the ground.”

“Probably for the best,” Athena agreed with a small hum.

It had been over an hour and the plane that the two of them had boarded was still stuck on the runway. Buck was trying very hard not to see this as sign, but it was hard not to. A few weeks ago, Buck had gotten an email from his father, Phillip Buckley, asking him if he would come to Pennsylvania to talk. He hadn’t mentioned what the conversation was about, and Buck hadn’t really pressed for details, not sure if he wanted to. Buck had debated back and forth in his head if he wanted to go or not. He hadn’t told Maddie either, not wanting her to get caught in the middle if something did happen. Since the lightning strike, he knew his parents were trying and Buck was grateful, but he couldn’t help but feel off about it. They hadn’t cared when he had been in the hospital for a crushed leg or come visit him after he had been caught in the tsunami. They had already been in L.A when he had been struck by lightning. Would they have come had they not been there?

His team had picked up on his conflict, even though he had tried not to bother them with it. He knew that the team didn’t have the highest opinion of his parents, especially Eddie. He would never admit it out aloud, but he secretly liked the way Eddie was so protective of him when it came to his parents. He had expected Eddie to be the one who would ask him about what was on his mind, but he had been pleasantly surprised when it had been Athena.

The sergeant had come by the firehouse for lunch, and she had pulled Buck aside and had told him gently that she could see he was wrestling something and that, if he needed her, she would be there for him. Buck had then spilled about the email and how he had been struggling to decide what to do.

“Well, if you decide to go, I’d like to offer to come with you,” Athena had said. “For support. You’re family, Buckaroo, and we’re all here for you. You’re not alone.”

“Would – would you come with me?” Buck had asked quietly.

Athena had taken his hand and had given him a soft, maternal smile. “Of course.”

Buck had booked and paid for the tickets and had picked up Athena from the Grant-Nash home and driven to the airport. The traffic had been heavy, and they had only just made it to their gate in time. But then they were told the flight was delayed and by the time they were finally boarded, they were already two hours behind their flight time. And now, they were stuck on the runway, waiting to take off.

Maybe Buck should be taking this a sign.

“Attention passengers this is your captain speaking,” a voice came over the intercom, jolting Buck from his thoughts. “Once again, I apologise for the delay. The tower is experiencing technical difficulties, and we are unable to move from our current location. I will continue to give you updates as they come through. Hopefully it won’t be too much longer. Once again, I apologise for the inconvenience.”

“Yes, No or Maybe; would you want to be a flight attendant right now?” Athena asked, giving Buck an amused look as the cabin erupted into chatter.

Buck snorted, stretching to look over the seats in front of him to see the flight attendants looking a little uneasy. “No.” He fiddled with his tray table, shifting in his seat again. “Yes, No or maybe; do you, do you think the universe is telling me not to go?”

Athena reached across the arm rest and took Buck’s hand in hers. “Maybe. What do you believe?”

Buck sighed. “I don’t know. There’s just been a lot of things that have been preventing us from going.” With his free hand, he reached up to scrub a hand across his face and gave a small chuckle before he dropped it into his lap. “Eddie would tell me there are no such things as signs.”

“And what do you believe?” Athena asked.

“I – I like to think that there are,” Buck said quietly. “I mean, after everything we’ve seen and been through. It’s kind of hard not to.”

“Buck, honey, you don’t need to be looking for signs,” Athena said gently. “If you are having second thoughts about this there is no shame in that. You just have to do what’s best for you. Lord knows that your parents didn’t have that for you growing up.”

Buck smirked back at Athena. “And I thought Eddie hated my parents the most.”

Athena clicked her tongue again. “I have thoughts on them. Not all of them that kind, I’ll admit.”

Buck squeezed Athena’s hand, giving her a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“For what, baby?” Athena asked.

Buck drew in a shaky breath. “For being a great mum.”

Athena’s face softened even further, and she leaned across the arm rest to press a kiss to Buck’s cheek. She patted his arm, letting her hand rest there. “I knew what I was getting into marrying Bobby.”

Buck gave a wet chuckle.

“And I’m honoured that you think of me that way. You’re a great man, Evan Buckley. Anyone who can call you their son is lucky, and I am immensely grateful that I have that honour.”

“Even if I get us trapped on a runway for hours?” Buck asked.

“Even then,” Athena assured him. “But if they bring out peanuts, I’m getting yours too.”

Buck laughed. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Now I believe it’s my turn. Yes, no, or maybe; Are you going to ask Eddie out soon because son, I have a lot of money riding on this.”

Buck spluttered shooting Athena a wide, panicked look. “What?”

“Yes, no or maybe, Buckaroo,” Athena teased. “Don’t worry, you can tell mumma. I won’t say a word.”

“I – I’m not, I don’t – I would but – I – oh my god does everyone know I’m in love with him?” Buck whined.

“You aren’t that subtle, baby,” Athena chuckled.

Buck groaned, slumping down in his seat. Well, this was equal parts embarrassing and horrifying. Buck had only just recently come to terms with his feelings for Eddie but apparently everyone had already known. Did Eddie?

“Yes, no or Maybe; do you think Eddie would say yes if I asked him?”

“Yes,” Athena smiled. “But don’t let what I said get you all twisted up. If you like him, then go for it. You and Eddie have been building something together for a long time.”

“Yeah,” Buck agreed. “I – I love him.” He gave Athena a shy smile. “Him and Chris. They’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“Then hopefully we will eventually get off this plane and you can ask him,” Athena said warmly. She casted a look around the plane where the other passengers were starting to get antsy. “Before we get a riot on our hands.”

Buck couldn’t help but agree.

~*~

“That’s quite the pout you have going on there, Diaz,” Chimney said, popping his gum.

“Agreed,” Hen nodded. “I give it an eight on the pout scale.”

“I am not pouting,” Eddie said, pointing at each of them.

“Cap!”

From the kitchen, without looking up from the pan that Bobby was cooking with he said, “Looks more like a nine than an eight.”

“Cap!” Eddie whined while Hen and Chimney cackled loudly.

“Jury has spoken,” Hen beamed. “Sorry Diaz, that’s a pout.”

Eddie slumped back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. The sound of their laughter had him fighting a smile, warmth filling his chest. It was a nice sound to hear, one that Eddie feared at one point they wouldn’t have again. Buck had only been back at the firehouse for a few months since the lightning strike and it was the first time since he had been back that Eddie wasn’t on shift with him.

Okay, so maybe he was pouting a little.

“We miss him too,” Hen said, the teasing falling from her voice. She gave Eddie a warm, soft smile. “The firehouse is never the same without Buck.”

Eddie gave her a smile back. “Yeah.”

“Well, speak of the devil and he will appear,” Chimney said, eyes widening and a smile appearing on his lips. “Hey Buck!”

Eddie’s head whipped around so fast he felt his neck crack. He sat up straighter as he watched Buck and Athena crest the stairs, stepping into the loft together.

“Hey,” Bobby said, turning off the stove and moving out from behind the kitchen island. “This is a surprise. I thought you would have been in the air by now.”

“We were delayed,” Athena said dryly, moving towards Bobby.

Eddie shot up from his chair, striding over to Buck. “Hey. What happened? Are you okay?”

“Hey Ed’s,” Buck grinned. He pulled Eddie into a hug, Eddie automatically moving to hug him back. “I’m fine. Flight got cancelled and I didn’t want to rebook another one.”

Eddie pulled back from the hug, keep his hand on Buck’s biceps as he looked him over. “You okay?”

Buck smiled at him soft, cheeks a little flushed. “Yeah, yeah. Just, doing right by me.”

“Sounds like Athena had some words of wisdom,” Eddie teased.

“Yeah. She plays a mean game of Yes, no, maybe too,” Buck chuckled.

Eddie arched an eyebrow. “Okay, I’m going to need that story later on.”

Buck’ smile turned shy, and his cheeks flushed darker. “Maybe I could tell you over dinner tonight. On – on a date?”

Eddie breath hitched in his chest and his fingers tightened around Buck’s biceps. “A date?”

“If – if you want to,” Buck said, nerves making his voice shake.

A smile bloomed across Eddie’s face, his heart beating faster in his chest. “Yes. I want to go on a date with you tonight.”

Buck’s face morphed into one of giddy relief, bouncing on his toes. “Great! Yes! I’ll pick you up tonight. Seven?”

“Seven,” Eddie agreed, feeling giddy himself.

“Seven,” Buck repeated with a wide smile. His eyes flickered up before landing back on Eddie’s. “Uh, just let’s keep this for us now because if Athena doesn’t win the bet we are in trouble.”

“What bet?” Eddie frowned.

“I’ll tell you over dinner,” Buck winked and then he was stepping aside and greeting Bobby loudly, going in for a hug.

Eddie watched fondly, his smile still on his lips. He couldn’t wait for dinner.

[inawickedlittletown]

Just Let Me Adore You (BuckTommy) - 5/8

Summary: What if…instead of Chimney taking the role of interim Captain of the 118, Tommy is asked to take on the role.

Or, what happens when Buck meets Tommy in S2

Words: 3.7k

Notes: Title from Adore You by Harry Styles

Read on Ao3

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

-

Part Five

Ali brought him home and it wasn’t until they had made it through the door that Buck realized what a mistake it had been to sign that lease. No, he didn’t hate his apartment, had enjoyed it the weeks or so that he’d been able to actually enjoy it. It was just that his bedroom was upstairs. It was too bad his lease didn’t have a way for him to back out, not that it would have mattered because it wasn’t like Buck would be able to move out with the cast on. 

Ali didn’t invite him to stay with her, not that it would have made sense for him to. She had a roommate for one thing and for another it wasn’t like Ali hadn’t been sort of staying with him since he moved in. 

Maddie had already offered to bring him back to her apartment and he’d turned her down because he didn’t want to burden her with his care. Either way, Ali had been attentive and she had insisted on being around for Buck, even changing work plans. Had even told Maddie she didn’t have to take a day off to bring Buck home when his release conflicted with one of her shifts. 

All of it reminded him of how much he actually did like Ali and yet… 

Buck should have seen it coming. They had different expectations of what came next. 

That was the last string, but they both knew it had been a long time coming. Buck was reminded of that girl that Chim had been dating a while back and how she hadn’t shown up when Chim was in the hospital because she didn’t want to lie and stick around because Chim was hurt. But…that wasn’t Ali. She was kind and she did care about him even if maybe her eye had strayed to someone else — something they still hadn’t talked about. 

In the end, it came down to his job. Not just his job but the eagerness to which Buck wanted to be back at it. He had no idea what Ali had been expecting from him, how had she not known what she was getting into when she started dating a firefighter? Maybe it was the time spent apart and how little of his day to day Ali was actually aware of. He supposed it was similar to how he hadn’t known it wouldn’t be great to date someone that traveled so much. 

It didn’t even hurt, watching her walk away. Or maybe…maybe it was overshadowed by literally everything else. His physical pain. The ache in his chest at the thought that he may actually never get back to work. The doctors were optimistic about his healing, but it was still early days. Maybe whatever pain or disappointment existed from the break up was also taken care of by his meds. In some ways, Buck thought that he had been preparing for a break up for a while now ever since he realized he didn’t care if Ali wanted to date other people alongside him. 

Ali didn’t take long to gather her things. She pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “And I really do hope it all works out for you. Keep in touch, alright.” 

Buck didn’t really think he would. 

After she left, Buck settled down in front of his tv, leg propped up, sure that he wasn’t going to find anything to watch. A glance at his phone showed him evidence that everyone was thinking about him. Well, almost everyone.

Eddie and Chris had sent a selfie. Hen a gif of a cartoon dog in a cast with “Get Better” floating over it. Maddie a text to let him know she was just a call away if he needed anything. Bobby telling him not to worry about dinner. Nothing from Tommy. 

A part of him wanted to call Tommy and ask him if they could have their next movie night, but that felt needy. It wasn’t like Tommy had even bothered to check in with him since the day he came for that abrupt visit at the hospital. 

Nothing but talk shows on tv made him turn to Netflix. Randomly he selected The Great British Bake Off. He didn’t even make it past one episode before his eyelids started to get heavy. 

Buck came to when he heard his door open. He saw Maddie a moment later when she rounded the stairs to find him. 

“Hey,” Buck said, groggy.

“Hi,” Maddie said. “How are you feeling?”

Buck made to get up.

“Stay where you are. Ali around?” 

Buck shook his head. He didn’t explain further and Maddie didn’t ask. She was going to find out eventually, but Buck didn’t want to deal with Maddie trying to make him go back to her place or even insisting that she stay with him. 

“Well, I brought you some lunch. Are you taking your meds on time? You know—” 

Buck let her rant. He barely listened and then let her fuss over him. His pillow was fluffed and she brought his food over to the couch. She brought down his blanket from upstairs as well as anything else that Buck might want. 

“I really wish you’d just come stay with me,” Maddie said, frowning at him. 

“I just moved out,” Buck pointed out. 

“You can’t even sleep on your own bed.” 

“My couch is comfortable,” Buck said. 

“It won’t be after the first few nights. You know it won’t.” 

“I don’t think I’ll be comfortable there or here with my leg in the cast,” Buck pointed out.

Maddie made a noise, but he knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t going to fight him on it when he was being that stubborn. 

“So, what are you watching?” 

The show had paused, asking if he was still watching. 

“Baking show,” Buck said. “Couldn’t really pick anything.” 

He’d also known that he would hate to fall asleep watching a documentary and miss something interesting. 

Maddie pressed play on the current episode. It was soothing in a way to watch the contestants bake in a tent with so much camaraderie. Maddie watched to the end of that episode and then through the next one. She left only after he’d taken his next dosage of meds and after she helped him to and from the bathroom as if Buck didn’t have perfectly good crutches to get around. At no point did she ask about Ali and Buck was glad he didn’t have to explain yet. 

“I’m just so glad you’re okay,” Maddie told him as she made sure he was settled on the couch with everything he might need within reach. 

“Me too,” Buck said. 

He was going to have a long way to go as far as recovery went. Months they said. First the cast and then PT and after that whatever it took to get back to work. 

After Maddie was gone, Buck almost wished that she had stayed longer because the silence that descended felt encompassing. The British accents from the baking show didn’t make up for it. He was sure that Maddie would have stuck around longer if he asked, but she probably thought Ali would be back, but she wouldn’t. Not ever. 

Eddie reached out, a text asking how he was doing, and an offer to stop by with Christopher on his next day off. Buck told him he looked forward to it. Athena called later in the afternoon and informed him that Bobby would be by with dinner when he was done with his shift. She kept him on the phone for a little while. It was nice. 

A few hours later, Buck had to get up to answer the door when Bobby arrived. It was awkward crossing his living room and past his table to the door. The crutches were going to take some time to get used to. 

“How are you doing, Buck?” Bobby asked as they walked to the kitchen. 

“Alright, I guess. Still getting used to the cast, but the pain meds are working.” 

Bobby got an odd look on his face at that and faintly Buck remembered that pain meds were where Bobby had begun his addiction after a bad injury on the job. 

“I’ll be careful,” Buck said. “Wean off them as soon as I can.” 

Bobby just gave him a short nod. 

“The department is reinstating me,” Bobby said. “We’ll all be waiting for you when you’re in the clear to come back.” 

Months of recovery, he’d been told. Buck had no idea how he was going to cope to be away from the job and from the people that he loved.  

“That’s great, Bobby. I’m glad.” 

Bobby nodded and smiled as he began taking things out of the paper bag he’d brought with him. Buck should have known that bringing dinner meant that Bobby was coming over to cook him dinner. 

“How did Tommy take it?” Buck asked, realizing that if Bobby was back at the 118, Tommy was no longer the interim Captain. “Is he, uh, is he going to take my spot while I’m out?” 

That would make sense even if the thought of anyone replacing him left a bad taste in his mouth. 

“No,” Bobby said. “He’s back at the 217.” 

“Oh,” Buck said and he didn’t know if he was disappointed or relieved. 

“Everyone is back where they belong,” Bobby said. 

Everyone but him, but Buck didn’t want to voice it. 

“You will too,” Bobby said, as if he knew what Buck was thinking. 

He didn’t dare ask anything else about Tommy especially since he hadn’t heard from Tommy since he’d still been at the hospital and maybe he was a little disappointed that Bobby didn’t tell him anything else. 

Buck settled himself on one of the stools at the island in the kitchen, careful of the cast. 

“So, what are we having for dinner?” 

—

Tommy did wait a day — okay, so his first shift back — before texting Hen to ask how Evan was doing. She told him about Evan getting discharged and then Hen invited him out to breakfast. Tommy had almost feared that going back to the 217 would be like when he’d originally transferred and that he wouldn’t have much contact with Hen, Chim, Eddie, or Evan. Instead, Eddie had already talked about coming over to help with whatever Tommy was tackling next with his renovation. He and Chim had even talked about drinks with everyone soon. It wasn’t going to be like the past and Tommy was glad. 

Of course, a lot of that had been his own blame. He pulled away in an effort to protect himself and figure out exactly who he was. It had been hard, the starting over aspect, but it had been freeing too. Maybe, he shouldn’t have done it the way he had and yet he didn’t regret where he was now. 

From what they told him, Evan’s leg would be in a cast for some weeks and there might even be additional surgeries. Lots of PT even after that. It was going to be a long recovery. 

One morning before their perspective shifts, he met Hen for coffee and bagels. 

“Chim wanted to come but he and Maddie are finally in a good place after everything and I guess they had plans.”  

“That’s good,” Tommy said.

Even though he obviously didn’t think everything revolved around Evan, he wondered where that left him in respect to his sister if she was focused on a new relationship. It most likely left him with his girlfriend. 

Hen was the one to bring Evan up. “The length of his recovery is going to drive him crazy,” she said. 

“He isn’t one to sit still, is he?” Tommy asked. 

“Not at all. I stopped by to see him the other day and I found out he’s already gone through like three sudoku books. He doesn’t even like sudoku. Also, turns out his new apartment has his bedroom up on a loft. He’s going to be on the couch for a while.” 

“That can’t be good for his recovery.” 

Tommy hadn’t even realized that Evan had moved out of his sister’s place. He did remember that Evan had been looking for a place but he’d never said that he found one or that he’d managed to move in already. 

“Is his girlfriend hanging around at least to keep him company?” 

Hen let out a sigh and gave a small shake of her head. “They, uh, they broke up.” 

“What?” 

Tommy remembered Ali at the hospital. The way she’d fussed over Evan like he was precious which…yes, Evan was. He hadn’t seen a break up in their future, at least not while Evan was still healing. 

“I didn’t see that coming.” 

Hen gave him a look. “After what you said about that open relationship thing? It was bought to happen.” 

“Was it about that?” 

“No,” Hen said. “He said she didn’t understand why he was so insistent on getting back to a job that put him in the hospital in the first place. I guess the reality of the job wasn’t real to her until then.” 

Tommy balled up one first. “So, she left him?” 

“She did.” 

“Wow. Way to kick a man when he’s down.” 

He hadn’t liked her before and now he really didn’t like her. Tommy didn’t know if he would have ever been able to do that even if the relationship was souring. Then again, was sticking around just out of some kind of obligation wasn’t great either. Maybe it was for the best. 

“Chim and I can’t decide if this is a better or worse end than his last relationship,” Hen said. 

Tommy frowned. He didn’t really like gossipping about Evan like this, but at the same time any information was welcome to him. Tommy was also regretting not reaching out. He just hadn’t known what to say and every time he reached for his phone with the intent to call or text, he would picture Evan under the truck or even in the hospital bed and it made his freeze up. 

“What happened with his last relationship?” Tommy asked.

“Well, his last girlfriend was a bit older. We were shocked when we met her but anyway, her mom passed and she had been caring for her for what seemed to be years. So, she decided to travel. Honestly, we all kinda knew she broke up with him but—”

“He didn’t,” Tommy said. “How?” 

Hen let out a sigh. “He told me that when she announced her trip it was just going to be a month. She kept her apartment, took just one bag. I get why he thought she’d be back. One month went by and then another and another. She left him at the airport, let him stay in her apartment, and he was constantly reaching out until she stopped responding. He was waiting months sure that they were still together. I mean she strung him along and then just ghosted. He was devastated.”

“Wow,” Tommy said. 

“Yeah,” Hen said. “She didn’t even get in contact about the apartment or her stuff. Really just never spoke to him again.”

“Is that why he didn’t have a place of his own?” 

Hen nodded. “Yeah. He was living in some kind of frat house before that. I think it was his first serious adult relationship too so—”

“And now Ali,” Tommy said. 

“Hey, I know. You should go see him,” Hen said. “He could always use the company. We’ve all been trying to go and see him even if it’s only for an hour or so. Keep him from going stir crazy.”

Tommy had been so sure that there would be no place for him in Evan’s recovery. Of course, he’d convinced himself that Evan’s girlfriend was sticking around and that Evan would have her care and maybe his sister’s too. Evan had so many people that cared about him that even his parents might have come to keep an eye on him. Hen hadn’t even mentioned them which was curious. Tommy hadn’t wanted to bother or be in the way, now he was thinking that he’d been wrong in his assumptions. 

“Yeah, maybe I will,” he said. 

Hen pulled out her phone and sent him Evan’s address. She eyed him with narrowed eyes. 

“I’ll tell him you’re going to stop by. Don’t make me a liar,” Hen said. 

So, really, he had no choice. He was far more thankful for Hen than he would ever be able to express. 

Out of some fear that Evan might tell him not to come, he didn’t even bother to call ahead even if it felt a bit strange to just show up unannounced. He did know that Evan would most likely be alone. When he knocked on the door, he heard a scuffle and it took several minutes but then there was Evan, leaning on crutches and with hair so messy and ruddy cheeks that meant he must have been napping. 

“Tommy,” Evan said, surprise in his voice. “Come…come in.” 

“I’m sorry if I woke you,” Tommy said, stepping inside. 

Evan blinked at him for a moment. Yes, definitely woke up from a nap unexpectedly. Was it bad that Tommy couldn’t stop himself from thinking about how adorable Evan looked confused and not fully awake with his curls mussed. Granted, there probably wasn’t much that Evan could do without looking adorable. 

Tommy closed the door behind him. Evan’s apartment was nice, actually far nicer than Tommy had expected it to be. It actually even fit Evan, in a way. He saw the stairs and it really was a shame that Evan had moved into a place that wouldn’t make his recovery easier. As a firefighter, Tommy had had his share of injuries and he knew that it would have driven him crazy to not have access to his bed. Which…why hadn’t someone offered to help bring the bed down for Evan? 

“Hey,” Evan said, “did I forget you were coming over?” 

“No. I thought Hen let you know I would? She said you could use the company. And, I wanted to see how you were doing.” 

Evan shook his head. “She didn’t say anything. I talked to her yesterday.” 

“Oh,” Tommy said. “Well, I’m here. I mean, I can go if I’m—”

“No,” Evan said quickly. “No. I want you to stay.” 

“How are you doing?” 

“I mean…I can get around a bit now,” Evan said, tapping one of his crutches. 

He was alive. He was talking. He was walking with the help of crutches. Tommy hadn’t realized how much he was still reeling from it, not until he had Evan in front of him again. Seeing him in the flesh even with his cast, it quieted the image that remained in his head where Evan was stuck under the ladder truck completely helpless. It wasn’t at all how he wanted to think of Evan.

“But you should probably sit down,” Tommy said. 

Evan chuckled. “Yeah.” 

Tommy followed him in further, past a dining table and then into the living room. He noted how awkward it was for Evan to move from one end of the apartment to another due to all the things he had to get around. 

Evan had set up a tv and across from it was a couch. On the coffee table in front of the couch was a pillow presumably for Evan to prop his leg up. All in all, the couch didn’t look too bad, but Tommy couldn’t imagine that it was all that comfortable to sleep on for a man Evan’s size. Though, he supposed that Evan was likely not getting too many consecutive hours of sleep in the first place and wouldn’t even if he was in a bed. Still, it probably wasn’t doing his back any favors. 

He watched as Evan maneuvered himself down onto the couch and grabbed his crutches from him, leaning them close enough for Evan to reach for them. 

“I heard you were back at the 217,” Evan said as Tommy sat in the armchair. 

“You’ve heard correctly,” Tommy said with a smile. 

He hadn’t really known how much he missed it. Not even the being up in the air, but just what that station meant to him and his own personal growth. Where the 118 held memories of his repressed past, the 217 was where Tommy had finally grown the courage to come to terms with the reality of his sexuality. 

“And are you back in the air, then?” Evan asked. 

“Yes,” Tommy said. 

“That must be amazing, actually. Does it feel like you’re a superhero?” 

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Not quite. You know, I could take you up sometime. I fly on my days off sometimes.” 

He could see the interest in Evan’s eyes right away. “You’d do that?” 

Tommy nodded at once. Not for just anyone, he thought. He had to reserve time with a helicopter and clearance to take it up. 

“Of course. I’d love to,” he said. 

He would do anything with Evan, do anything for him. It was a hard thing for Tommy to admit to himself, but it was true. There were so few people that Tommy could ever want to drop everything for and Evan was definitely one of them. The smile that Evan shot his way, he wanted to be the one responsible for that smile. 

“I’m glad you’re back in the air,” Evan said. “I could tell you missed it.” 

“I did,” Tommy said. 

“Well, as soon as it isn’t too much of a hassle with this thing,” Buck motioned to his cast, “I’ll take you up on flying. I’d love to see your skills in action.” 

“I look forward to it,” Tommy said. 

It wasn’t hard to imagine how the light would hit Evan on a sunny day, catching at the light strands of his hair, making him look like he was actually glowing. Tommy would have a hard time concentrating on doing anything but looking at him, but it would be worth it. It might also finally replace the image of Evan on the hard asphalt with the ladder truck keeping him pinned. 

[television-overload]

of our own making

(an X-Files fanfic)

Chapter 31/34 - home

[Read on AO3]

Their caseworker stops by in the morning to get their signatures on some paperwork and lays out the timeline for getting the adoption finalized in the coming months. For all intents and purposes, though, Madeline is theirs, and they're free to take her home. The birth mother's signature is there in black ink, signing over her parental rights to them. The sight of it brings tears to their eyes. 

They won't soon forget what that young woman has done for them.

After one last checkup with the doctor, they pack up the room and get ready to leave. Scully dresses Maddie in a bright blue flower-patterned shirt with matching bloomers, a headband, and socks to keep her feet warm.

Once she's snug in her baby carrier, they lay a fuzzy pink blanket over her legs to keep her cozy on the trek out to the car. Mulder proudly lifts the carrier with one arm, and with the other, he reaches for Scully’s hand. There may be three of them now, but he hasn't forgotten who he came in here with. 

Brenda walks out with them, and they bid farewell to the nurses that had looked after them during their stay. After this, they'll be on their own, just the three of them.

Before they reach the exit, Mulder stops suddenly, standing in the middle of the floor and looking down at Maddie. There’s something that has been bugging him, something left undone that just doesn't feel right. He whispers something to Scully, and then asks the caseworker a question.

He knows it wasn't a part of the agreed upon hospital plan, as set out by the birth mother, but can he really just walk out that door without thanking her? Without telling her how much this means to them?

“Is Krista still here?” he asks. “I know she said she'd prefer to keep to herself, but—”

“I believe she’s waiting to be discharged as we speak,” Brenda answers. “I can call and ask if she's open to a visit from you all, if you’d like.”

“Please,” Mulder says, and Scully nods in agreement.

Brenda steps away to make her call, returning a moment later with a smiling face.

“She said she’d be happy to see you,” she announces. “I can show you the way, if you're ready.”

Mulder bites his lip in thought.

“Give me a couple minutes,” he says, handing off the baby carrier to Scully. “I'll be right back.”

-.-.-

The room where Krista has been staying after delivery is in a different hallway than Mulder and Scully had been in. When he returns, bearing a nice bouquet of flowers and some chocolates from the gift shop, Brenda beams at them.

“This feels insufficient,” he says, shrugging self-consciously at his gifts.

The woman puts a comforting hand on his arm, shaking her head. “I'm sure she will appreciate it,” she assures him kindly.

She gives them one last glance to make sure they're ready, and then knocks on the door.

“You can come in,” a voice calls from inside. Without further ado, Brenda pushes the door open and pokes her head through the doorway.

“Got some visitors for you,” she says cheerily, before looking back at them and nodding for them to enter. 

Krista is seated on the edge of her bed, wearing comfortable leggings and a Georgetown sweatshirt. She looks well, if a little nervous.

“Hi,” she says, smiling a little shyly.

“Hi,” Mulder echoes, entering the room with Scully right beside him. “These are for you,” he says, holding out the flowers for her, which she accepts with a smile.

“Oh, thank you,” she says. “You guys didn't have to do that.”

“We're the ones who should be thanking you,” Scully says, tears pricking at her eyes. I can't tell you how happy you've made us. This– This is a debt we'll never be able to repay.”

Mulder nods in agreement, returning to Scully’s side and placing a steadying hand on her lower back.

“We're going to do everything we can to give her the best life possible. I promise,” he says. “I just… wanted you to know that.”

Krista nods, and it's remarkable how at peace she seems, given the circumstances. Mulder can’t imagine being in her position.

“Can I ask—” Scully starts, adjusting her hold on the carrier nervously. “I mean, if you don’t mind sharing, can I ask why you chose us?”

Krista breathes out a laugh, her eyes settling on the tile floor. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” she says, amusement lacing her voice.

Mulder fights back a smile, glancing down at Scully with raised eyebrows.

“You might be surprised,” Scully says, turning her attention back to the woman who had given them a daughter.

Krista looks at them, her expression clear and honest and hopeful. She shrugs.

“She’s… meant to be yours,” she states simply, as if it were the most basic truth known to humankind. “I can’t explain it, but I just– I know you were meant to be her parents. I knew it from the moment I met you.”

Beside him, Scully sucks in a breath, and he feels his throat constrict with the swell of emotion.

“I had this feeling, when I found out I was pregnant, that someone else needed her. And… it was you.” She shakes her head, as if she can’t even understand it herself. “Do you believe in that kind of thing, Mr. Mulder? Dana?”

He looks down at the sleeping baby in the car seat, dressed in one of the first outfits they bought for her when they went out shopping.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, settling a hand on Scully’s shoulder. “Yeah, we do.”

Krista nods again and smiles, his words confirming what she had hoped.

They’re interrupted a moment later by a nurse stopping by with the last of the discharge paperwork, and they wait while Krista speaks with her. She’s probably anxious to get home. No one likes sleeping in a hospital several nights in a row.

When they’re alone again, Scully steps forward.

“Did you want to hold her?” she asks boldly, concealing a worried tremor in her voice. It’s the right thing to do, he knows, and he hopes someone would do the same for them if their positions were switched. But with the adoption still not finalized, there’s always that one seed of doubt that tells them she could still change her mind.

“We’ve already said our goodbyes,” Krista says with a bittersweet smile. “Besides, I don’t want to wake her.” Still, she does get up to peek down at her in her car seat, gently running a finger over the back of the baby’s tiny, bunched up hand. “What did you name her?”

Mulder clears his throat, blinking back the tears that have unexpectedly sprung up.

“Madeline,” he answers.

“Hm,” Krista laughs, her cheeks pulling back in amusement as she drinks in the sight of the baby she bore. “That was my grandmother’s name.”

If they needed any other sign that this was meant to be, that was it. It seems Krista feels the same way too.

“Well, I guess this is it,” she says, cupping the top of the baby’s head and softly smoothing over her wisps of dark hair with her thumb.

Scully brushes back an escaped tear from her eye. “Do you have a ride home?” she asks.

Krista stands and makes her way back to her bed, perching on the edge like she had been when they arrived.

“My best friend has been here with me, she’s driving me back,” she answers.

He’s relieved she has someone here with her. Scully had offered her support if she needed it, but Krista is a fiercely independent young woman, not unlike another person he knows. She’d chosen to keep things private, and they were respectful of that choice.

Still, it’s nice to get a moment with her before they part ways.

“If you ever need anything… Anything at all—” Mulder starts.

“You know where to reach us,” Scully finishes.

Krista inclines her head, a grateful smile passing over her lips.

“Thank you,” she says. “You guys will be wonderful parents, I can tell.”

-.-.-

The drive back to D.C. is one of the most stressful of his life. He white-knuckles the wheel like his life depends on it, resisting the urge to check the rear view mirror every few minutes to make sure Maddie is doing okay. Scully sits in the backseat with her just in case she's needed, and though Mulder misses his copilot, he's glad Maddie has someone keeping her company back there.

It's surreal, the walk up to their apartment. This is where their journey into parenthood will really begin. Late night feedings and diaper changes, cuddling on the couch; Eventually, she'll be making messes while eating squishy baby food in the kitchen and maybe even learning to crawl. All of it within these walls that he's thought of as home, in some capacity, for far longer than he's lived here.

His home is wherever Scully is. His home has been a thousand different motels across the United States. His home has been in the middle of the woods while being hunted by mothmen in Florida. His home had been hospital rooms, rental cars, run-down diners, and any number of airport seating areas over the years.

His home has been a dark and dusty basement, feathered with little knick knacks and article clippings that he thought would make him feel fulfilled. In reality, it wasn't until the day she walked in the door that the office ever felt like home. The difference was like night and day.

Now Scully opens the door to their apartment, and they're welcomed not by cheesy posters and doctored images of UFOs, but by a huge welcome home banner strung up on the wall on the far side of the room. Baskets of gifts, apparently from Maggie Scully's church group, sit by the fireplace, and a hand-knit baby blanket drapes across the back cushion of the sofa.

Scully’s eyes fill with tears as she takes in the sight. Mulder brings the baby carrier over to the kitchen table, setting it down so that he can let Madeline out. She stretches her back into an arch, squeezing her eyes shut in protest against being woken up from her nap. He smiles as he lifts her to his shoulder, holding her warm little body close and patting her gently in a comforting rhythm.

“Hey Scully, looks like someone loaded the fridge too,” he says, nodding toward a sticky note that he spies tacked to the refrigerator where it hadn't been before. Sure enough, it’s filled to the brim with ready-made meals for them. Those church ladies work fast. “Good to be home, huh?” he asks, just as Scully turns away from inspecting the freezer.

“I still have a hard time believing this is our life,” she says, finding her voice again. “Does it ever feel like a dream to you? Like you’re watching someone else’s life and not your own?”

He does know what she means. He’s felt it in little moments throughout their partnership, even from the beginning. He’ll never forget the way she’d shown him such loyalty, vowing that she’d only ever put herself on the line for him. He’d never known that level of trust and commitment before, yet she offered it so freely. It had stunned him into momentary silence, to hear it declared so plainly.

She’s his best friend. And—more than that—he is hers. That’s what had been truly unbelievable to him. He was never anyone’s first choice. Not until she came along. And now she has chosen him for something else, too. For a more lasting relationship. A decision that guarantees their lives will be intertwined for the foreseeable future.

He has to pinch himself to remind himself that it’s real. Evidently, she does too.

For once in their seven years together, they have found a truth that asks very little of them. It does not demand penance, or further suffering. Nor does it require some great sacrifice or heartbreak.

All this truth asks is that they let go. Surrender to it. Stop fighting. Stop running.

Because the truth they’ve found is love, and though it may have taken a while to come to terms with it, there’s no question in his mind that that’s what it is. All this time, everything had pointed him toward it, he’d only pushed it away. He has willfully ignored what was right in front of him, believing that it couldn’t possibly be the answer. He wasn’t worthy. She deserved more. There had to be something else, some other truth that would save him, that made all the suffering worth it.

But in the end, it was her. She is the truth that was sent to save him. This life they’ve begun together—that’s what he had been searching for all along. Not a replacement for the family he’d lost, but a chance to have one of his own. To build one quite literally from the ground up.

“This is our life, Scully,” he says to her, standing close to her in the middle of the kitchen. “I want to believe.”

~~~

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[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 28

Chapter 28 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Eddie struggles with missing Buck while he is staying with Maddie. He is forced to confront the reality that some day, he’ll have to do it alone, while they’re out on calls without C.A.D. to direct them.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: internalized misogyny, internalized homophobia, insecurity, injury, near death experience

~~~

Chapter 28: Damn Sure Not Ready

Buck has been living in Maddie’s dining room for three weeks already. It felt weird to just let him go like that, but Eddie wasn’t going to stop him from helping his sister. He knew he had to do it, just like he knew in that hospital. Explaining to Chris was a little harder, but he has a big heart and he is used to them not being there for a while to help people.

For the past week, Maddie has been gearing up to go back to work and she keeps saying that she is ready to get back out there and wants to pick up her life again. However, she never tells Buck to go, so he is still staying.

But last shift Buck informed Eddie that he’ll be going home soon, since she has a redo of her first date after her first day back at work.

It’s clear he’s a little anxious about how she’s handling it, but he is letting her go. Eddie tries to be supportive, saying he can always go back if he feels she needs it, but he is also encouraging him to let her have her space again. To at least let her try.

Part of it is because he genuinely wants Maddie to be able to move on and have the life she deserves now that Doug is definitively behind her. However, he can also admit that another part of it is because he wants to have Buck back.

Naturally, it’s not as if Buck disappeared. The two of them work together for fifty or so hours every week, which means that Eddie can’t call himself deprived of Buck’s presence. Yet, there is no denying that he’s been spoiled for his best friend’s company. He’s way too used to spending 24/7 together and he never realized how much he liked it until Buck wasn’t there.

And it’s also not that he can say that he didn’t see Buck outside of work at all. Buck made sure he was home for a day each weekend they were off to take Chris to do something fun. Plus, he convinced Maddie he takes walks after dinner by himself, which he used as a cover to call Chris to do bedtime each night he wasn’t working, so he wouldn’t miss out. This probably made it easier for Chris that he wasn’t there all the time for a bit.

In fact, when Eddie thinks about it, Buck made a great effort to be present, even when he couldn’t physically be there.

Yet, Eddie feels his absence so heavily. It should be worrying. Hell, it is worrying. It’s not as if he’s struggling. Carla the saint helps with meal prepping and Buck makes sure there are left overs when he’s there, plus they go and visit tía Pepa, who cooks and gives them food to take home. So, they’re set on the food front.

And taking care of Chris is easy. He and Buck work same hours and carpool, so they have a system to bring Chris to school that he can just do by himself, while Buck drives to work from Maddie’s place.

Bedtime also isn’t a problem, he loves tucking in Chris, even if Buck is better at doing the voices when reading to Chris. And Buck is there on the phone too. So, it’s close to how it usually is.

Homework is a little bit of a struggle, since he doesn’t dive into topics like Buck does and he’s only a high school graduate, who forgot almost everything he learned. He’s never been good at school and Chris has the misfortune of inheriting his skills in subjects, so he struggles with the same things Eddie struggled with. That’s not great. But Chris isn’t at too high a level yet, so it’s only a minor problem for now.

All in all, it’s not that much harder than doing it with Buck. Despite being a little nervous, since he’s never truly been solely responsible for Chris, it goes well. Eddie lives.

So, Buck being gone shouldn’t be such a big deal. He sees him plenty at work and his world at home doesn’t crash and burn without him, even if it’s a lot at times. Eddie really shouldn’t be missing him as much as he does. Shouldn’t feel his absence the way he does.

However, he does. He so does.

He misses Buck so much and it’s at the weirdest times too. Mostly when it’s late at night and Chris is already in bed and he is sitting on the couch, watching his shows without having a mock argument about it. Or when he’s brushing his teeth by himself in the empty bathroom. Or when it’s morning after a long shift and Chris is at school, so he’s sitting by himself at the counter, eating some cereal.

But it’s also when Chris is home. When he’s trying to heat up the food, keep the house a bit tidy and clean, but Chris needs help with homework or wants to finish what he’s doing before dinner, but Eddie needs to know what to pack in his bag for the next day, or chores have piled up and suddenly it’s overwhelming and he wishes for a second pair of hands. For Buck.

Eddie knows logically that he can do it alone. He’s been coping just fine these past three weeks, which have proven as much. However, he can’t help but feel slightly inadequate. As if Buck would have done it better. Probably did do better when Eddie was in Afghanistan.

He tries not to get too hung up on it, in fact, he tries to ignore how much he misses Buck, but he’s still excited for today. When Buck is coming home with him at the end, instead of awkwardly saying goodbye, both reveling in how weird it is, without being able to comment on it, because they’re not supposed to be living together.

His good mood is boosted by Harry’s class being there. He himself isn’t too big on kids that aren’t Chris, but Buck adores them and it’s clear on his face. Plus, despite not being too big on them, it is kind of fun to see their awed faces when he shows them the trucks.

Then the message comes through that C.A.D. is down, which sucks. It means a long day for all of them and emergencies that might be harder to get to.

For the first part it’s just annoying. The rig isn’t that comfortable and is prone to swaying, so their asses are wood about half an hour in and they keep arriving on calls where others are already helping or arriving at addresses that aren’t right.

That is before Sonya.

She is far from the first geriatric birth they’ve been called to, but they are later than they would have liked and she is definitely not making it to the hospital on time. It’s going to be a birth in the lobby of her apartment complex.

Eddie grimaces internally, hoping she has a good relationship with the neighbors, because a good chunk of them are about to get real familiar with her vagina with how they’re all standing there and watching. Then the thought gets washed away as they all focus on helping her.

She gives birth to a beautiful baby boy and they all let out a relieved breath as they gently hold the baby, successfully parted from his mother. Eddie can’t help but smile as the dad takes in his son, automatically thinking back to the day Chris was born, the best day of his life.

He is pulled from his thoughts by Hen freaking out, Sonya had gone into shock and is crashing hard. They have to get her and the baby to a hospital as fast as they can, but they only have one ambulance.

With no time to wait, Eddie finds himself in the truck, sitting across from the father and Buck, who is hovering to make sure the baby is okay.

It’s a little trippy, watching Buck like that. He never saw Buck with a baby, barely saw him with a toddler, since Chris was already four by the time Eddie met Buck. With how chaotic this birth is, he can’t help but think of Shannon and how scared he’d been for both her and Chris when all the doctors started to swoop in.

Watching Buck now, he wonders how he would have fared had he been there, then wonders why he’s even thinking about that, before pushing it down. It’s not the time.

They arrive at the hospital and Buck and Eddie help father and son out of the truck as fast as they can, so the two can join Sonya as she is wheeled to the OR.

Instead, they find her unmoving, the doctors not rushing to save her. It doesn’t take long to realize what must have happened on the way there, one glance at Hen, who is already starting to break down in the back of the ambulance, only confirms it. They lost Sonya.

Roger, the husband, looks dazed as he practically stumbles towards his wife, the shock of just losing his loved on not yet settling in. He strokes her hair, before he chokes out: “You were right. He’s perfect.” Tears start to well up as he goes on: “I wish you could see him. I know I was scared and worried that we weren’t ready for this, and I am damn sure not ready to do this without you, but I will. I’m gonna figure it out.”

His words hit them all in the solar plexus as they watch him lay their son on her chest, so she can at least hold him one time. Just the one time.

Eddie wants to reach out to him, tell him it’s going to be okay, even if it feels devastating and impossible right now. He could tell him about Shannon, about getting those papers in the Afghan desert or finding them on his coffee table with her gone. That’s how he is supposed to relate to him, what he is supposed to think off.

But that isn’t what comes to mind first, instead he thinks of the last three weeks. Of how impossible doing it alone felt, even when he let Buck go. How he managed anyway, even if it wasn’t the same, wasn’t as easy or as fun as it would have been with him.

The whole route his thoughts take trips him up and he is glad that he can push them all down and focus on something else when the heart monitor kicks on again. He feels Sonya’s neck and loudly declares: “She got a pulse,” as around him a flurry of motion starts up.

Doctors starts wheeling Sonya in and Roger barely has time to turn around and thank them, even if none of them feel like they helped.

Eddie is still trying to comprehend how they got from A to B and he finds himself saying: “That- that was amazing.”

“No, that was a miracle,” Buck tells him, his voice is closer than Eddie would have thought as he leans in.

The familiar voice so close to his ear somehow sends a shiver down his spine, which isn’t normal and he doesn’t know what to do with it. He tries to reason with himself that it’s just because they went through something pretty intense and he wasn’t expecting him so close. He merely got startled, that’s it. He isn’t used to Buck so close after three weeks of him not being home.

Deep down he knows it’s all nonsense and he hates that he can’t fully push it away as he looks out of the truck window while they drive around aimlessly through the streets of LA.

He can’t help but think of Roger’s words. He can relate, he knows that he for sure wasn’t ready for Chris, him running for the hills immediately proved as much, no matter the fact that he came back again.

However, it’s not that, which his brain has decided to loop. Instead, it keeps repeating: ‘I am damn sure not ready to do this without you, but I will,’ over and over again.

And Eddie’s stupid brain keeps dragging him back to the difficult parts of the last three weeks, completely erasing everything that went right. He also wasn’t ready to do it alone, much like the first time his co-parent suddenly had to leave. But last time Buck stepped in, this time it was Buck who had to go.

Of course he still had Carla and tía Pepa, but it wasn’t the same. He can figure it out, but it’s not what he planned. They’re not the person he wants to count on. But he will. He had to. Because he is now suddenly confronted with the reminder that some day Buck will find someone he loves and they’ll divorce like they’d always said and Eddie will have to do it alone. And he’s not ready for that.

The knowledge sits uncomfortably on his skin and he feels jittery, wanting to get it out. When Chim directs them to a call from the news that no one is responding to, he feels almost relieved that he can direct his nervous energy somewhere else than internally.

Then they discover just how rough and difficult this call will be and it is Buck, who gets send on the ladder, since Eddie is the probationary firefighter between them.

He doesn’t begrudge him, even if he would have liked to do something more than knock on doors, before watching Buck save the kid. He never does well when kids close to Chris’s age are in danger and this is no exception. With the way he was feeling before the call, his hands are just itching to do something.

His adrenaline spikes again, when the ladder suddenly gives out under Buck and he falls, barely managing to catch himself. He’s lucky he’s close enough to the ground that he can just drop down, because they are already low on resources.

Eddie’s first instinct is to run towards Buck, see if he’s okay so they can figure out together what the next step is.

Immediately he’s annoyed with himself. Buck is clearly fine. He shouldn’t let himself revolve his life around the other so much, it’s not what he’s supposed to be doing and it’s not going to be his life forever anyway.

Besides, he can do things just fine without Buck. Without anyone. He’s going to have to do things by himself at some point, it’s not like he’s a helpless baby. And the kid is still in danger. Eddie needs to get him out. The kid should be his priority.

So when Bobby goes to check on Buck like Eddie wants to do, he turns to run to the truck and gathers the stuff he needs, already halfway up the pipe by the time anyone realizes what he’s doing.

He’s just working on instinct alone, driven by the adrenaline and need to be doing something, to prove to that part of his brain, which sounds annoyingly close to his papi, that he can do this. That he is enough by himself. That he can help this kid, just like he can help Chris. That he won’t drag him down with him.

Meanwhile Buck’s heart is lurching to his throat as he watches Eddie balance on top of the roof of the burning house without anyone to spot him. Without Buck spotting him, specifically. He’s just up there, ready to fall to his death – or a critical injury – at any time.

He reminds himself that Eddie is an army medic, who probably did crazier stuff while Buck was at home trying to convince Chris that broccoli is a nice vegetable. He is going to be fine. He’s done stupid shit on the clock with Buck there before, this isn’t anything new. Even if those times Buck was holding his safety rope, assured in the fact he was keeping Eddie safe.

Bobby is beside him, also watching Eddie go. Buck quickly covers his anxiety through deflecting by commenting: “I feel like if I ever did that, you would yell at me.”

Buck doesn’t get a response beyond a look that tells him he’s right. He didn’t expect much and, in a way, it is soothing. Bobby believes in Eddie and thinks he’s going to make it out, enough to be out here talking casually to him, before sending him to check if everyone made it out.

This is confirmed when Eddie’s voice comes over the radio: “Cap, I got him. Alive but unconscious. I’m prepping for evac.”

But it seems the universe loves to fuck with Buck, because there is an explosion immediately after, rocking the house. Then they hear Eddie radio: “Cap! Negative on evac. Pinned down, south side of the house.”

“I’m gonna take an extinguisher! If I can make that jump, I can help Eddie!” Buck is ready to get into action, who cares if he can break his legs, Eddie is in there and he’s pinned. He needs help and it is Buck’s job to go help him.

He almost fights Bobby off, only the sound of the planes stopping him. Inside, Eddie is a little annoyed at the news, knowing he’s going to get doused and it will suck. From their respective hiding spots, both hold their breath as they brace for impact.

The moment it’s safe to move, Buck is crawling out from under the truck and moving towards the house, ready to go get Eddie wherever he might be. Before he can make it in, however, Eddie is already coming out, Alex in his arms, seemingly haloed by light like an angel.

His appearance takes Buck’s breath away, even when he’s all covered in soot and for a split second, he knows all his emotions are on his face. Fortunately he manages to push them away by the time they’ve established Alex is okay, clapping Eddie on the back as he hides behind his jokes like always. “So, uh, what’s up with the Spider-man routine?”

Eddie is coming down from the adrenaline high, exhaustion setting in as he catches his breath, mindlessly answering: “I don’t know. I just did it. And prayed a lot.”

Bobby’s hand comes down on his back too for a second as he says: “Yeah, it looks like someone was listening,” before he walks off to deal with the final fall out of the call.

Slowly reality comes filtering back in and he catches Buck’s eyes as he is looking him over. Looking for injuries, Eddie realizes. Guilt creeps in as he realized just how stupid his little stunt had been, how worried Buck must have been.

They do stupid shit every day, but they usually have each other’s backs. They promised to have each other’s backs. Today Eddie went off on his own like a wild card, leaving Buck behind. He must have been worried out of his mind.

“Are you okay?” Buck asks, his eyes big with concern.

“I’m fine,” Eddie bristles, his emotions taking yet another turn. He was fine on his own, Buck doesn’t need to hover like he’s incompetent. He will leave one day and Eddie will have to do it alone anyway. Why bother now?

Buck rears back a little, before he frowns: “You sure? Irritability can be a symptom of low blood sugar, that rescue must have hit you in the carb storage. I have a snack somewhere in the truck, I think.”

And the comment is even more babying, which rubs Eddie in all the wrong ways, but it’s also Buck, who is saying it. Buck never sounds judgmental, instead he sounds worried, yet lighthearted and joking. It’s just Buck, who is worried, so he’s cracking jokes and trying to coax him into getting some care. Buck isn’t his father, he won’t just up and leave and he doesn’t judge Eddie.

Fondly Eddie rolls his eyes, threatening: “If you pull out one of your stupid green juice pouches, I’m going to kick you.”

“Oeh, how violent,” Buck heckles back. “You sure you didn’t run into a rat in there, we might have to get you a rabies shot.”

“Oh shut up and get me a snack.”

“Bossy, bossy,” Buck tuts, but he doesn’t seem to mind, his normal smile back on his face.

The snack he has, as it turns out, is a Paw Patrol fruit bar that they got for Chris, even though he is too old for it. It doesn’t have any added sugars on Buck’s insistence, which Eddie finds a shame, even if it’s a pretty nice thing to munch on. Though, Eddie must admit, he feels a little bit like an idiot when eating it.

Eddie nods off on the drive back. C.A.D. is back up and running and their shift is thankfully nearly done. Buck’s shoulder is covered in soot when they get at the firehouse. Eddie finds himself glaring at the dark smudge for reasons he doesn’t understand, before he tears himself away to take a shower and get all the soot off himself.

They don’t have any calls for their final hour and Eddie naps on the couch some more. He misses Chris and wants to go home, but he’s also nervous about going home.

No, not nervous. He just feels weird. He doesn’t like that he’s feeling weird. This morning, he was excited to go home, but today has been confusing and awful and now he’s being weird about Buck being home instead.

He is a little glad they couldn’t carpool this morning and blasts his music as loud as he can over the speakers in the hope it will help.

The two of them pull up at about the same time and Eddie follows Buck onto their porch. Usually, he’d let Buck unlock the door, too lazy and tired to grab his own keys, but today, he feels the need to do it himself, ignoring Buck’s brows at the action.

Chris is waiting with Carla, cheering excitedly when they return. He has been missing Buck a little these past three weeks, so he jumps in his arms first.

Despite not wanting to, Eddie feels a little resentful that he doesn’t get to hug Chris first after the call they had today. He needs to be sure Chris is okay. It’s irrational, but it always happens after calls like these.

When Buck hands Chris over to him, because he also knows that, Eddie feels slightly guilty for feeling that, even though he’s mostly distracted by hugging Chris.

They say their goodbyes to Carla and Buck starts up dinner as Eddie and Chris sit at the table. He has a worksheet for science that is about biology, which means Eddie is perfectly equipped to help him and check his answers. It’s nice and cozy, just the two of them at the table, while Buck is puttering in the background and there is not a whole household to worry about.

Eddie and Chris knock out the worksheet before dinner, then all of them eat together. It’s mostly Buck and Chris, who talk. Eddie has always preferred to listen.

He feared that the weird feeling would chase him even further into the evening, but listening to them – as Buck’s explanation about C.A.D. and what Maddie told him about what they used instead delves further and further into weird details until they’ve left it behind them and it has devolved into a conversation about morse code and flag communication – settles something in his bones.

This feels good. It feels right.

Eddie can just shove all those weird feelings into a box and forget about it as he writes it off as just having a weird day. Who can blame him? Their whole usual system had been thrown off, of course he’d feel a little out of it. He’s fine now. It’s all fine.

Everything is as normal, no need to think about the future and it’s uncertainty when Chris is right there leaning against him, Buck’s arm thrown over the back of the couch as the three of them watch Tarzan, because the talk about different communication systems went to learning languages to animals learning languages to gorillas and then to Tarzan.

And when Eddie nods off, because he’s had a long rough day, he’s woken by Chris’s giggles and Buck’s muffled laughter. Familiar, comforting. Even if he has to give them a bleary glare over it, because he has a reputation to uphold.

That night they all brush their teeth together. Buck drooling toothpaste everywhere, because he’s trying to multitask brushing Chris’s teeth with his own. As payback for laughing at him for nodding off, Eddie lets him struggle while he finishes brushing his own teeth, before taking over, because doing it like this won’t do.

Buck is excited about getting to tuck Chris in properly again after three weeks over the phone and Eddie feels nothing but fond. He’s glad for it. Glad that he can officially leave the weirdness behind him.

He sleeps very well and deep, snuggled under the covers with the knowledge that he doesn’t have an alarm for the next morning and it’s definitely Buck’s turn to do the laundry this weekend.

The following morning, he’s woken up by Chris clambering into his bed. It’s a pretty usual morning greeting, so he’s not even startled by it, only half opening his eyes as Chris says: “Daddy, you gotta wake up now. You’ve been sleeping for like forever and there is breakfast.”

Eddie rubs his eyes tiredly with one hand, the other one ruffling Chris’s bedhead without much coordination as he mumbles: “I’m coming, mijo. I’m coming.”

Chris clearly doesn’t believe him. He huffs: “I’m eating your bacon if you’re not there,” before climbing out of the bed again.

A grin creeps up Eddie’s face; yeah, it’s definitely back to normal again.

~~

A/N:

I am sad, because next chapter, I’m going to have to cut Ocean’s 9-1-1, since I do not think you can have that episode without everyone finding out that they’re married and it won’t work with my plot that way, so it’s gotta go. I might write an AUAU about it, but I make no promises, because it has a lot of parts and at its core it’s a Hen and Athena episode where Hen gets racially profiled.

If you're asking yourself right now, why is this chapter early? The answer is that tomorrow (or well, later today for me), I have to hand in my thesis that will decide if they're giving me my Master degree, which is kinda important, so I wanted to clear the whole day for checking it all over. It's 74 pages total, because no one ever stops me from doing all that lmao, so it's gonna take a while xp

[soullovestevan]

What I remember from my dream last night.

Title: This is what Dreams are Made Of

I was at my new home in Los Angeles when a fire broke out.

Me: Oh my god my house is on fire I have to call 9-1-1. And now I’m stuck underneath something and I can’t move. Not how I wanted this to happen.

Maddie: 9-1-1, what is your emergency?

Me: Is this Maddie Han?

Maddie: This is she yes, how did you know that?

Me: You happen to know my father. Bobby Nash, he is the captain of the 118 fire station. If you could send the 118 to my house that would be great. I can’t breathe. This is not how I wanted to meet my father. My mother died some time ago and I moved to Los Angeles to get some answers regarding my father. How I knew it was you from all the research I did. And from watching old videos and calls that somehow got posted online. My house is on fire and I’m sick. I sent move. This is just fantastic.

Maddie: Don’t worry sir, the 118 is on their way. Wait I thought all of his kids died in that fire back home?

Me: I’m his oldest kid, he didn’t even know about me. His wife and him got together in the 90s and had me and then Bobby took off. Then they of course got back together but at that point I was on my own. I didn’t know even know about my family’s death until I saw it on the news.

Maddie: They should be there soon. I’m sorry we are meeting under these circumstances.

Me: Well thank you Maddie.

This is when the call ended. I was stuck and my arm was hurting and I was bleeding pretty bad. I was a doctor once, but this was my first time getting hurt at home.

Me: I cannot believe I’ll be meeting my dad after 28 years. Not how I imagined this.

I had my bedroom ceiling fall on top of me and I had no clue how my house started on fire. I was a doctor before but I couldn’t do anything to save myself right now.

Bobby: We are here. Did he say where he was located?

Maddie: He said he was inside his bedroom, the ceiling fell on him and he seemed to be a bad shape.

Me: The firefighters are here. The 118 my heroes.

Bobby: Who did he know the 118 was coming?

Maddie: He requested it personally. He claimed he knew you Bobby.

Bobby: We found him. Help me get him off this ceiling.

Buck: On it Captain.

Me: Very attractive firefighters too. My lucky day.

Buck: That’s sweet but I do have a boyfriend and it’s pretty serious too.

Me: Good for you. I am here all alone. My mother died in a house fire and now this. I’m going to die the same way they did back in Minnesota.

Bobby: Wait I’m from there and my family died there too. Maddie did you say he knew me?

Maddie: He did.

Me: Not how I thought I was going to be meeting my father after 28 years without one.

Everyone seemed to be shocked especially Bobby. He thought all his kids were dead. This is a dream after all and not even apart of the world to 911.

Me: Hey there dad. You’re even more handsome than mom said.

Bobby: I still cannot believe I have an older son I had no clue about. What’s your last name?

Me: Nash.

Bobby: Oh you’re my kid then. Not the first kid of mine. I mean Buck here is like my kid anyways.

Buck: I’m just glad you’re back as captain Bobby. You’re the father I never had.

Me: Nice to have that. Bobby was never in my life because he wanted nothing to do with me. Apparently I was a drunken mistaken. His words not mine.

Bobby: Hey it is not too late to connect. And I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.

I got out of the house alive with the help of the 118. They all seemed to be shocked.

The dream ended after getting into the ambulance and heading to the hospital. It was so shocking meeting my dad after 28 years.

[scarletsaphire]

There wasn’t anything Valerie wanted to do less on a warm August day than listen to her dad talk business with the Fenton freaks, but since she didn’t have much of a choice, she might as well make the most of it. She can get some enjoyment out of messing with Danny, and he seems so nervous about the weird hole in the basement wall. It’s just harmless fun, right?

--

My second fic for @phicphight! This one is a prompt fill for @kinglazrus and @heartbeatslows. The prompts it fills will be at the bottom under the fic.

Valerie knew she was an important person. She was smart, and pretty, and more importantly, she was popular. All of those things meant that she had a dozen better things to do during one of her last weeks of summer vacation than follow her dad around. Unfortunately for her, sneaking out to a party at midnight got her grounded, and now he wouldn't let her out of his sight. So while all of her friends were at the mall or the park, she was here. At the Fenton's residence.

She definitely didn't see the point in her being here, but even her fathers goal was a mystery. The Fenton's were famous for being crazy and weird, with their stupid jumpsuits and van and house. Their kids were better, but not by much. She didn't know Jasmine all that well, other than being the name on every spelling bee championship trophy in the middle school, but Valerie did know Danny. They'd been in the same class for years, after all. It didn't mean that she liked him at all. He was weird, just like his parents were. That's why he hung out with the other weirdos, far away from Valerie and her friends.

Her dad didn't seem to understand any of that, because here she was, sitting on their weird, lumpy couch, pointedly not meeting Danny's eyes, while her dad talked technological nonsense with the jumpsuit clad freaks. Exactly what she wanted to do on a Thursday afternoon.

Jack wasn't currently showing off a pile of scrap he was referring to as the Fenton Thermos. "With this bad boy, any spook in sight will be sucked up and locked away, never to be seen or heard from again!" He exclaimed, pointing the cylinder in every direction as if it was some kind of weapon. "It's not functional yet, but when it is they'll be sorry!"

Valerie's dad nodded politely, just as he had done for the past thirty minutes. "That truly is fascinating, Mr. Fenton, but as I said before, I am here on business. You contacted Axion Labs about a new security scanner design?"

"Oh, yes!" Maddie said. "The Fenton Scanner! I had nearly forgotten we'd installed that in the OPs Center!"

"Just like you've forgotten the last six times he's mentioned it," Valerie muttered under her breath.

"Yes, well, I'm here to see it."

"Yes, of course! We are just so scatterbrained today, isn't that right dearest?"

Jack nodded. "It has been a rough few days, what with the portal not working and everything, but-"

"Well, that truly is tragic," Damon interrupted. "Hopefully, Axion can make your day with a new contract. For the Fenton Scanner, which I still need to see."

"Oh of course!" Maddie said, standing from the chair she'd been sitting in. "We can lead the way." She made her way to the stairs, pausing briefly behind the couch. "You two just hang out here while we give Mr. Damon the whole tour, okay?"

"A tour really isn't necessary, Mrs. Fenton," Damon replied hurriedly, but Jack cut him off with an arm around his shoulder.

"Nonsense! You are a guest in our home, and you should be treated to the famous Fenton Hospitality!" Jack said, steering Damon to the stairs.

Valerie looked up from her nails for the first time in ten minutes. "Daddy, please don't leave me here!"

Damon shot her an apologetic look over Jack's shoulder. "I'll be down in a few minutes, sweetheart. I know you can find something to talk about until I'm back." With that, he was led up the stairs, Maddie following close behind.

The silence sat thick and awkward for a few moments before Danny broke it. "So, how about-"

Valerie cut him off instantly with a raised hand mere inches from his face. "Don't talk to me. Freak."

"I am not a-"

"Oh you totally are, don't even try that. I mean, look at this place," Valerie gestured at the entire house. "Only freaks and nutjobs live in places like this. You're just lucky you didn't get the nutjob from your parents too."

"They aren't nutjobs!" Danny protested again, stronger than before.

Valerie leveled her gaze at him. "Really? They spend all that time building a glorified soup carrier that doesn't even work, and they aren't nutjobs?"

"Some of their inventions work..."

"Like what? The 'Fenton Scanner' my dad's contractually obligated to look at? The failure of a portal they mentioned?"

"That's not fair," Danny mumbled. "You haven't even seen the portal."

Valerie stood and put her hands on her hips in one fluid, practiced motion. "Then show me."

"I- But we're really not supposed to-"

"What, not supposed to show off wannabe inventions to people with common sense?"

Valerie could see the way Danny's jaw set as he stood up too. "Fine then."

Valerie smirked to herself as she followed Danny down the basement stairs. Sure, goading someone like this wasn't nice, but it was fun, and it wasn't like hurting Danny's feelings mattered any. It was just something to pass the time.

She did regret it once she reached the bottom of the stairs. Val had seen plenty of villain lairs in movies, and with the metal flooring and walls, piles of gears and gizmos piled haphazardly on desks, and the large, ominous hole in the wall on the opposite side, she felt like she'd walked directly onto a movie set.

Danny had only walked a few steps into the room before stopping and turning around, so Val stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "There, you've seen the portal. Are you happy now?"

Valerie peered over Danny's shoulder back at the hole in the wall. She assumed that's what he was talking about, but while it was definitely creepy as hell, it definitely wasn't a portal. "I mean, unless it's a portal to some dirt and rocks, I stand by what I said."

"It's not-" Danny took a deep breath, trying to stabilize his voice. "It doesn't just go into the ground. It has a back and everything."

"It sure doesn't look it," Valerie replied. "It just looks like a mess." She was right; now that her eyes had adjusted more to the dim light of the basement, she could see wires running along the ground of the portal, panels hanging by loose screws, and different colored scrap metal lining the walls. "I'm surprised your house hasn't burnt down yet."

"It's safe."

"Yeah?" Valerie said, raising her eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"Then prove it. Go inside."

Danny hesitated. "I don't really think I should."

"Yeah, because it's a fire hazard, just like the rest of this place. I'm getting out of this death trap."

Valerie had just enough time to make it one single step up before Danny replied. "Fine. Fine! I'll go in there." Valerie turned back around to meet his eyes. "Only on the condition that if I do, you'll stop badmouthing me and my family." Danny's hand was stretched out in front of him, clearly intended for her to shake on the deal.

Valerie took the hand, making as little contact as she could. "Deal." She didn't actually intend to honor that deal, but he didn't need to know that. Besides, if he tripped or something, it would be fun to tell the rest of the A-Listers about. Provided she was willing to admit she'd taken even one step into Fentonworks.

She'd just decided that she'd only tell them if it was really funny when Danny had pulled a jumpsuit on, matching his parents in all but color. It even had his dad's stupid face stuck on the front, and Valerie couldn't help but laugh at it. Danny pulled it off immediately, but the bright red flush on his cheeks didn't fade.

Valerie followed behind Danny at a distance, stopping a good few feet away from the mouth of the machine. It was larger than she thought it was, and with the wires hanging off the roof, she couldn't shake the image of a gaping mouth out of her head. Danny was clearly just as trepidatious as she was, but with one glance back at her, he crossed the threshold of the portal.

Danny's footsteps echoed off of the metal floor, ringing out far louder than they should have. One after the other, he walked further into the portal, until all at once they ceased and time seemed to slow down. He'd tripped, just like Valerie had been hoping for. He'd tripped, and his hand went back to catch himself, and the click of a button resounded far louder than the footsteps ever had. Time seemed to fall down to a standstill as Danny turned around to look at her, eyes wide with fear, and she felt her own opening to match.

The whirring of electricity grew louder, deafeningly loud, and Valerie opened her mouth to try and say something, even though she didn't know what. Whatever it was never came, because in the next instant, the portal flooded with green swirling energy and light, blinding in the near darkness, and Danny's echoing, piercing scream erased every thought Valerie might have had.

She didn't know how long she stood there. She didn't know how long she stared into the bright green, but it had to have been a while because every time she blinked the imprint of the portal was overlaid on her eyelids. She didn't know how long his screams echoed. She didn't know when the screaming finally stopped, only that it didn't stop bouncing around her brain over and over and over again.

She did know when a silhouette appeared in the green, if only because it was something different. Her heart jumped into her throat as whatever it was shuffled through the green, the outline becoming more defined as it came closer and closer to breaking free from the barrier of the portal. Valerie took one step back, but her feet wouldn't cooperate. She stumbled over her own ankle, falling back to the metal floor. She swallowed the yelp of pain; she didn't want to get the attention of whatever the thing in the portal was.

Valerie reached backwards, pulling herself further backwards. Her back hit metal with a soft thud, the contents of the desk falling to the ground with a crash. She needed to keep backing away, but her legs wouldn't move and the thing was getting closer. She wasn't going to be able to get up and run before the thing made it all the way out.

She grabbed one of the piles of junk that fell off the table, a hunk of something with exposed wires on one side. It didn't look like anything she recognized, but that didn't stop her from holding it back over her shoulder, poised to throw the moment she got a clear shot.

It emerged from the portal with the same shambling pace it had moved through the portal with. Valerie let the pile of junk fly, but the thing ducked, falling to the floor underneath it. She watched it in terror as she fumbled for whatever else she could get her hands on.

The thing was... oddly familiar. She recognized the style of the hair, and the pattern on the jumpsuit, and the shape of its face. If it wasn't for the weird colors if it wasn't for the fact that she had just heard him die she would've thought it was Danny.

He didn't get up.

Valerie grabbed the pile of junk her hand had landed on and climbed back to her feet on shaky legs. With the thing held over her shoulder (she could've sworn this was just a baseball bat, but considering that it was down here, she didn't trust that) she made her way cautiously towards the probably not Danny.

The closer she got, the less sure she was that it wasn't him. The similarities weren't just a trick of the distance; every single thing looked the same, just as if someone had given him a paint job. By the time she was standing directly over him, she was almost certain that it was, in fact, Danny Fenton.

Valerie did the only logical thing she could think of. "Are you alive?" she hissed, nudging his shoulder with the tip of her shoe. At least, she tried to nudge him. Her foot met no resistance, and her foot passed clean through his shoulder and into his neck before she drew it back with a start.

She dropped back down to her knees. Maybe this was just a hallucination of some kind. It made some sort of sense, probably, but when she reached out with her hand to check again, she met flesh. Cold, clammy flesh.

"Oh my god he's dead," she muttered.

As if to prove her wrong, Danny moved, curling further into himself. Valerie jumped back again, watching as he rubbed at his own eyes before opening them. Their glow matched the portal behind him.

"What happened?" he croaked out as soon as he looked at Valerie. 

"Damn if I know," she replied. She was surprised by how steady her voice came out. "But hopefully it never happens again."

"Are you okay?" Valerie didn't see him climb to his feet. One moment he was on the ground, and the next he was standing upright.

"You are definitely not the one who should be asking that," Valerie replied. "Have you seen yourself?"

Danny looked at her blankly for a moment, before going to some device on the side of the room. Valerie could tell the exact moment he saw his own reflection, as his hand went up to his face and hair. "What the fuck."

"Yeah," Valerie agreed. "What the fuck."

There was a flash of white light, and when Valerie could open her eyes again, Danny was still standing at the machine, this time with his normal black hair and blue eyes and the same white jumpsuit he'd walked into the portal with.

"Um." Danny turned back around to look at her. "I think we should keep this a secret."

Valerie nodded. "Yeah. I think we should." This time she fully intended to keep her promise.

--

Prompts:

kinglazarus - Roleswap. A significant character in the show is replaced with someone else. How does this change things? (ex., someone else is the Red Huntress instead of Valerie, or Tucker's dad is the English teacher instead of Lancer)

heartbeatslow - Valerie Gray finds herself.

[imtheiliad]

YOU WERE LIGHTING FLARES [1.3K | alternate universe| bmtb fic] {ao3}

a/n: she's hereee everybody!! i know we are generally losing our collective shit over promo and cast content-- but let me take you to another universe for just a moment. for @buddieau i know thigs didnt go as planned really, but without signing up for this i wouldnt have finished this and i love you both so much <3 both titles are from waking up slow by gabrielle aplin. this will be about 7 chapters i believe, all about this length each capturing a different moment in their relationship in this universe. enjoy <3

CHAPTER ONE: I COULD BE YOUR FRIEND Buck wasn’t one to often get deeply invested in their patients. He would connect with them deeply, leaving him emotionally wrought, but not in a way that was investment. 

Bobby had told him that their jobs stopped at the glass doors. Athena chewing him out. But it just had been something about how tiny the baby had been. Is. He had cradled her all the way to the hospital, feeling some sort of kindred spirit in her. 

He understands why they don’t go past the glass doors. He really does. There’s just something aching. 

“You know, I  have a friend up in the NICU. I could ask him about her?” Maddie offers over the takeout containers that Buck brought to the hospital with him after his shift. 

Buck just shrugs as he sips his coffee, “I don’t know Mads, Bobby made it pretty clear-“ 

“Well, what if you were to happen to be here, and happen on the floor… it’s 4 by the way," she smiles as her pager beeps and she takes a last gulp of coffee before taking off back to the ED, calling “See ya at home Ev!” Before she’s gone. And Buck is alone in the nurse break room. He pushes his last few bites of breakfast around in the container before eating them and throwing everything away and leaving the room, weighing the idea in his head. 

He stands in front of the bank of elevators trying to decide if he wants to go up or down. With a rush he pushes the up button before he can change his mind for a tenth time. 

He carefully follows the arrows and signs pointing him toward the NICU. He feels far too big and clumsy to be in this wing. Where fragile beings are just learning what it’s like to be in the world. Surrounded by such innocence. He didn’t quite fit in with his raucous and reckless life. 

He's finally standing in front of the window, carefully looking to see if he can see her. 

His eyes land on her in the incubator, and she seems even tinier than he remembers, even though it was only a few hours ago really. An eternity, and twice her lifetime for her and a blink of an eye for him. she has a hat now which settles something within the aching, but the myriad of wires and tubes add a new sense of worry. he’s never felt like this before. 

He just watches her chest rise and fall. Hands shoved in his jeans pockets. He still feels out of place, being six foot two, and all muscle. But there is a part of him that is truly and fully invested in everything about her. Wants to make sure that she finds her people, that she’s happy and loved. That she has someone to love her like Maddie loved him. 

The nurse comes by to check her vitals and Buck watches him closely, knowing the nurse can do his job but wants to see if he can read his expression as he checks her over. He catches Buck watching and after he makes some final notes on her chart, he exits the room and comes face to face with Buck. 

His arms are crossed, the sleeves of his soft gray shirt pushed up his forearms underneath his light purple scrub top. The tiny stethoscope hanging around his neck, a tiny monkey holding tight.

“Are you her father?” he questions, skepticism already lacing every word. 

And Buck nearly jumps out of his skin even though he saw the other man coming and even suspected that he woul be spoken to. That question wasn’t what he expected. The notion of it even, “Oh god no! I- I’m just-“ 

The nurse’s right eyebrow starts expertly climbing his brow as Buck stumbles.  

“I'm um, I'm a firefighter-'' he shucks the left side of his jacket a little to reveal the emblem, “I’m on the team that brought her in yesterday?” Buck tries, “I’m the one who held her all the way here.” 

The nurse softens, “And my sister, she- she’s the one who said it would be okay for me to come by- Maddie, she’s a nurse down in the ED-  I’ll leave if it’s not, I have pretty much gotten what I came for anyway, I am so sorry.” Buck rambles, fidgeting and looking over his shoulder. 

The nurse starts smiling, and Buck had never seen anything like it. 

“You’re Evan!” There’s a sparkle in his eye that could rival stars in rural Montana. 

A blush creeps across his cheeks, “You know Maddie,” he states, ducking his head and digging a toe into the linoleum. 

“I'm Eddie by the way, I'm guessing she’s never mentioned me by name?” 

“No,” he shakes his head, but then snaps his fingers, “but she did mention a NICU nurse friend!” 

Eddie laughs again resting his hands on his hips casually. 

“She’s tried to convince me to let her give me her cute firefighter brother’s number, I don’t know how many times.” 

“You can have it if you want,” Buck blurts, then covers his mouth, “Oh my god I’m sorry.” 

“It's okay.” Eddie runs a hand over the back of his neck, “You can have it. I just- I’m not ready to date yet?” 

“You can call me Buck by the way, Maddie’s the only one that calls me Evan. Well she does and my parents but-“ 

“We don’t talk about the parents,” Eddie says in the same tone that Maddie does and Buck laughs. It all feels like a breath of fresh air after the shift he had. 

It feels like Eddie is waiting for Buck to deny him something because of what he said, but Buck just takes his phone from his back pocket, opens a new contact and holds it out to him. Eddie smiles a little as he carefully takes it and enters the number. 

“Text me so I have yours okay? I gotta get back in there.” 

“I will. Bye!” 

“Bye Evan.” 

He looks into the nursery again just to make sure her chest is still rising and falling steadily and waves at Eddie one more time before rocking on his heels, and smiling like an idiot all the way to the elevators. 

Maddie is barely in the door before Buck launches into a rant, “Maddie how could you not tell me you’re “NICU nurse friend” is possibly the hottest man I  have ever seen but you have also offered him my number, on more than one occasion, unbeknownst to me. You had ulterior motives!” 

“So I see you met Eddie,” she says, dropping her bag on the floor and toeing off her shoes. “He needed it to be on his terms, or at least think it was.” 

“Yeah, he uh mentioned not being ready to date, what’s that all about?” 

“Not my story to tell. but I hear you have his  number so you can ask him yourself.” she just grins and opens the fridge to grab a glass of juice before she crawls into bed. 

Buck is laying in bed staring at the ceiling when his phone buzzes;

From: Eddie 🩺 Hi. 

A blush creeps across his cheeks and he smiles. He quickly schools himself because he just met the man. But there had been something about him that made Buck want to crawl into a warm bubble and live there with him.

To : eddie 🩺

shouldn’t you be sleeping 🤨

From : eddie 🩺

Couldn’t you say the same for yourself?

To: eddie 🩺

Oh no

R u someone that like uses actual grammar while texting

From: Eddie 🩺

Is that an actual question?

To: Eddie 🩺

Uhh yeah

From : Eddie 🩺

Yes. And if only there was punctuation for you to indicate that you were asking me a question…

To: Eddie 🩺

Oh. my. God. 🙄

good night

[bonfire-at-the-crossroads]

I woke up yesterday with Martha in my dreams. Why?

Possibly the wedding which looms on Sunday - this jiggled something loose in my memory-library, and it fell open onto the floor.

I went looking for her parents on social media. I found her dad, and began to read the blog he has maintained for all the years between her death and this morning when she woke me up. It is searing.

Martha was a little girl who was a friend of Maddie’s - they met at the age of three, and spent the rest of their school years together. They were friends through it all, but pulled onto separate paths sometime around late high school. They had friends in common, one of whom will be here at Maddie’s wedding on Sunday. Sara will stand beside her at the altar - another little girl who is now all grown up. Martha didn’t get that chance.

Her father has suffered. Not only from his daughter’s suicide - but has terrible mental health struggles which have seen him hospitalized more than once. Martha’s mother suffers too - MS has whittled away her body until she is brittle and frail.

It is cruel beyond comprehension.

After reading his blog for hours this morning, after dreaming of the dead child - I am hopelessly lodged in my own head. Stuck and spinning in memories, I have errands to run and stuff to attend to - but can’t focus on what’s in front of me.

I stopped at the Heritage Center in Kiltyclogher to meet Ciaran who has generously gifted both of our girls with paintings purchased as wedding presents. So unnecessary, and the invitation was extended only to give him and Caroline a big day out. He has been a dear friend to us.

I arrived early. I sat on the wall in a sunny spot to wait for him, and my eye falls upon the carved stone above the door.

“Sarahville 1851. G.H.T.”

Kiltyclogher was originally called Sarahville, to honor the daughter of George Tottenham.

She was his daughter - a child who fell off her horse and died. Tragedy carved into stone for all to see….

The deed to our schoolhouse has the signature of Sarah Loftus Tottenham, a relative of little Sarah. In the 1870’s - she gifted the land the school was to be built upon. The school was her present to the people who lived here - an education for children who would otherwise have none.

Ciaran and Caroline also lost a child - a son who was in his early teens. He died along the road here - he went for a run, and never came home. Grief and sorrow don’t ever let go….

We speak of Martha because she is strangely present this morning. Ciaran mentions his dead son - inside the building which bears the name of another lost child.

I wrote to Martha’s dad in the afternoon. I need to tell him that she is not forgotten. I need him to know that when Martha jumped to her death - Maddie rose up and took life seriously for the first time.

Martha died, and Maddie found her fierce determination to become the best student, the hardest working tutor for other students (as Martha had tutored Maddie in middle school) - and to excel at everything academic she could sink her teeth into.

Martha made Maddie fierce.

That ferocity brought her to Trinity College in Dublin for her Masters Degree in Immunology. Dublin brought her Jordan, and they will stand together on Sunday to become man and wife. Maddie has devoted her life to teaching the kids from the poorest and most challenging places in NYC. She is a proud NYC Public School Teacher. In other words - she is giving back with both hands and a full heart.

Somehow all of this thymes.

And come Sunday, between Sara and Maddie at the church - there will be a space left open for Martha.